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finn-ray-nal-beads · 3 years

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BABY! CONGRATULATIONS ON 50 FOLLOWERS!

I HAVE A SMUTTY ASK (OBVIOUSLY) FOR MY GOBLIN HUSBAND PHILLIP (SHOCKING I KNOW)

IM THINKING PUBLIC TEASING, FOLLOWED BY SOME SEMI-PUBLIC SHENANIGANS BEFORE BEING RAILED BACK HOME IF YOU COULD BE SO KIND! THANK YOU MY ANGEL💖

@historyandfandoms50 I LITERALLY DON’T EVEN MIND IN THE SLIGHTEST AND I COULD HAVE GUESSED YOU WANTED A PHILLIP FIC.... I WONDER WHY?????

I AM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS FOR YOU BABE I JUST LOVE YOUR SLUTTY ASS!🤤

“P-Phil,” you whispered panicked as you crossed your legs under the dinner table, the warm vibration of the little bullet causing the ripples to spread through your lower half.

He smirked, flipping the volume up slowly on his phone as he let out a cough to stifle your hand gripping his thigh under the crowded restaurant.

“What’s goin’ on babe?” he pandered to your scrunched face, the waves beginning to build more and more as you let out low breaths from your nostrils, “something wrong with the food?” his lips pouting as he sipped on his wine, his phone safely in his farthest pocket as he pat the spot.

“Y-you k-know exactly w-what,” straining your voice just enough to catch the attention of Paul across the table.

“Y/N?” he set his fork down, watching as you slowly scooted around yin your chair, the speed picking up on your clit as you took a huge swig of water, “everything okay?” his eyebrow raising as he watched your embarrassed and aroused face smile at him.

You slammed a hand on the table, a laugh escaping Phillip as he dialed the notch to the highest degree, hearing your gasps while you pushed your thighs closed as tight as possible.

Your disheveled behavior signaling most of the people surrounding your group to look over at you as you held a shaky thumbs up.

“J-just f-f-f-i-i o-oh f-fuck!” the pleasure sweeping over you in a huge tsunami while your doting boyfriend kept his chuckling up, clearing his throat while his cock twitched in his slacks.

Your cries now signaling most of the restaurant to glance at you, flipping your hair back as you smoothed your dress over yourself, the overstimulation causing you to wince openly.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” you whispered, taking another sip of water, “this chicken is j-just s-so good,” cooing as you took a hesitant bite, smiling as you chewed and completely mortified at what had just occurred.

“Is it honey?” he cooed in your ear, kissing the side of your cheek as he smirked, exhaling a breath on your lobe as his aftershave wafted in your nose.

“I think I may wanna have what you’re having,” Wendy piped up, signaling the waiter to grab her the same dish as you took another bite of the chicken, sipping on some wine while you sat in your own spend the remainder of the dinner.

His hand brushed the inside of your thigh, teasing your wetness again as he nestled his face in your neck. Kissing your pulse as his family droned on about the week they had.

“I wanna take you home so fuckin’ bad right now baby doll,” his deep baritone vibrating to your core while you let out a pained moan that only he could hear.

“Then what are you waiting for?” moving your face to meet his while a hand snaked to tickle his goatee, “you already are in for a whippin’ anyway,” smirking as you pecked a kiss on his waiting lips.

“Oh is that so?” his eyebrows raised, “wasn’t it you who suggested that we should spice things up tonight, darling?” his pandering insufferable as you popped your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

“Not admitting to shit, huh?” he giggled, swirling his wine again to stare you down, your eyes becoming slits as you shook your head in shame.

“You’re so hot when you’re mad,” his toothy smile peeking through the glass as he took a sip, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, making you salivate at the sight. Your lips curled in your teeth as you tried to hold back sucking a hickey over it in front of the family.

“What are you lookin’ at angel?” he cooed, placing the cup on the cloth again to rub his hands on your thighs, your faces coming within inches of each other again making you revel in his signature scent. His buttons straining in his dress shirt as he reached his frame to you, enveloping you in the deepest of kisses, shoving his tongue with yours.

“Okay,” brushing his very prominent erection in agreement, “I think you need to go home honey,” gripping his girth as he hitched a breath from the touch.

He coughed again slightly, pushing his seat back and saluting his family as he grabbed your hand to escort you in front of him to leave the restaurant, bidding everyone goodbyes and air kisses while you sauntered your curves out of the doors.

The drive back was excruciating, the bullet whizzing on your clit again as he couldn’t help himself with his new torture toy. Every stop light he changed the mode on it, beckoning a moan from your lips while he adjusted in his seat.

His erection was so hard by the time you pulled in to the driveway he practically forgot to switch the car off to carry your ass inside.

Bursting through in a fit of teeth, tongue, hands, and flailing appendages, he slammed the door with his large foot, taking the stairs to the bedroom with you bridal style two by two with you latched to his lower lip.

He threw you on the bed, wiping the crimson from his mouth as he ripped his shirt off in one tug, your dress falling off of you in the blink of his eye as he took in your laced body.

“Good God,” he hissed, lowering himself over you on the plush comforter, a fit of hair sprawled in a halo around your gorgeous face as he sucked in a breath, “how did I get the hottest wife in the whole world?” his lips kissing your jawline as you found his locks in your fingers.

“You’re a smooth talker you naughty boy,” whispering with a chuckle as you pulled his throbbing cock to meet your entrance, “now fuck me like you mean it,” clawing his back as he lowered himself to touch your forehead with his.

“Yes ma’am,” smirking as his gaze met his head, tapping on the top of the key before he inched himself in your sopping hole, “I think I gotta warm you up that way more often,” feeling your tightness choke his girth as he settled himself deep within you.

“Shut your gorgeous mouth and fuck me babe,” you strained, his grin meeting you again as he set a punishing pace over you, the headboard banging the wall with every push he made.

“Mmmm.. such a dirty little mouth my pretty wife has,” grunting at the feeling of your nails digging into his meaty shoulders, his tits straining with every moan he made over you.

Melting into each other as the wails continued, and the pacing sped up. His tip touching your G-spot as he changed his angle slightly, making you choke on the air in a cry.

“There we fuckin’ go,” he mused, pushing even further and faster as you cried under him, the sensation sending waves upon waves of fire through your spine as your release rose to new heights.

“Fuckin’ cum all over my cock angel,” he growled, the sweat dripping from his short locks onto your glistening skin, digging into his biceps as you stared into his blackened eyes.

“You’re so pretty when you cum for me baby doll,” he cooed, the damn breaking as a feral wail left your lungs, the pleasure sending you into overdrive as he reveled in your second climax of the night.

It lasted longer than you could count, the ringing in your ears clouding the sounds in the room as you felt his warmth coat your insides in the most delicious way.

The fog lifting when his movements slowed down, hearing his heavy pants as his seed spilled in its rightful place.

“J-Jesus,” he huffed, removing to see the thick mixture spill from your gaping cunt as it begged to be plugged again.

“That,” slapping the top of your thigh before crashing next to you on the bed in a thud, both your sweaty bodies spent in the best way as you listened to him continue, “was the best investment... Ever,” grabbing a handful of tit in a giggle.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself honey,” rolling your eyes again with a smirk.

“I know you enjoyed yourself too, babe,” kissing your cheek, “and so did the entire restaurant,” in a huge fit of cackles as he dodged playful slaps from you and rightfully so.

______________

I TOOK SOME INSPO FROM THE MOVIE THE UGLY TRUTH ON THIS ONE... I HOPE YOU LOVED THE TAKE I MADE ON IT HONEY!

🖤,

ray-nal-beads

taglist: @maybe-your-left, @safarigirlsp, @clydesfavoritegirl, @emeraldsiren20, @thepalaceofmelanie, @obsessedwiththemadness, @hopeamarsu, @caillea, @historyandfandoms50, @mariesackler, @millenialcatlady, @thepriceofstars, @roanniom, @kathorax, @driversmutbucket

LMK if ya wanted to be added to the list! All of the love!

#phillip altman #phillip altman x female reader #phillip altman x reader #phillip x reader #phillip x you #this is where i leave you #500 follower celebration #phillip altman request #phillip altman smut

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missgonnabeallrightsomeday · 3 years

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Best. Christmas. Films. You. Shouldn't. Miss. 🎄🎥

Heads up! It's the most beautiful time of the year again! Do you have plans for Christmas already? Or nah, because the pandemic got in the way? Because of the 2020 curse, it just doesn't feel like the holidays right now, don't you think? But I assure you a good ol' holiday film will definitely put you in the Christmas spirit. Like literally a Christmas ✨miracle✨ that you've been looking for. So take note, here are some of the perfect films to stream and set you in the mood for the holiday. Sit back, grab your hot chocolate and relax.

Klaus (2019)

Let's start off with an animated film to bring out the kid in you! Klaus is a 2019 English-language Spanish 2D-animated Christmas comedy film. Jesper Johansson, the lazy, spoiled son of the Royal Postmaster General, has been trying to flunk out of the postman academy, but his father sends him to the distant town of Smeerensburg; if Jesper fails to post 6,000 letters within a year, he will be cut off from his family's fortune. Jesper, befriends toymaker Klaus, their gifts melt an age-old feud and deliver a sleigh full of holiday traditions. Art style? Perfect. 2D animation? Perfect. Story plot? Incredible. This movie? Perfect for everyone!

Home Alone (1990)

Oh yes, a classic. A bratty 8-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) acts out the night before a family trip to Paris, and his mother makes him sleep in the attic. After the McCallisters mistakenly leave for the airport without Kevin, he awakens to an empty house and assumes his wish to have no family has come true. But his excitement sours when he realizes that two con men (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) plan to rob the McCallister residence, and that he alone must protect the family home. What a witty kid, I could learn from his tricks.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Kevin again and his mischievousness. Kevin loses track of his father at the airport, he mistakenly gets on a plane headed for New York City -- while the rest of his family fly to Florida. Now alone in the Big Apple, Kevin heads into a room at the Plaza Hotel and begins his usual antics. But when Kevin discovers that the Wet Bandits that intruded his house before are on the loose, he struggles to stop them from robbing an elderly man's toy store just before Christmas. Then again, Kevin outwits the bad guys for the second time.

The Princess Switch (2018)

In the Princess Switch, High School Musical alum Vanessa Hudgens takes the lead(s). One week before Christmas, the duchess of Montenaro, Margaret Delacourt bumps into her doppelgänger Stacey DeNovo, a baker from Chicago, and they decide to switch places so the royal can experience, a “normal” life. And little did they know, they each fall in love with each other's beaus. Just enough fluff and romance for a warm Christmas you wish you had.

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

Siblings Kate and Teddy Pierce hatch a scheme to capture Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Santa accidentally gets interrupted by the two kids on his Christmas Eve deliveries-- and crashes his sleigh, losing his presents in the process. Then the kids join forces with a somewhat jolly Saint Nick and his loyal elves to save the holiday before it's too late.

Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Are you down for a spooky winter? Also known as Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas, is a 1993 American stop-motion animated musical dark fantasy film. It tells the story of Jack Skellington, the King of "Halloween Town" who stumbles through a portal to "Christmas Town" and becomes obsessed with celebrating the holiday. He is so taken with the idea of Christmas that he tries to get the resident bats, ghouls, and goblins of Halloween Town to help him put on Christmas instead of Halloween -- instead of spreading Christmas joy, Santa Claus is put in jeopardy and his mission turns sideways and creates a total nightmare.

Last Christmas (2019)

Nothing seems to go right to a frustrated Londoner and young aspiring singer, Kate, who works as an elf in a year-round Christmas shop. Things soon take a turn for the better when she meets Tom-- a handsome charmer who seems too good to be true. As the city transforms into the most wonderful time of the year, Tom and Kate's growing attraction turns into the best gift for the both of them-- a Yuletide romance.

Dash & Lily (2020)

Dash & Lily is an eight-part romcom television series that is based on the romantic young adult novel Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by David Levithan and Rachel Cohn. A whirlwind holiday romance builds as snarky Dash who hates Christmas and optimistic Lily who's the opposite of Dash and a certified Christmas enthusiast trade dares, dreams and desires in the notebook that they pass back and forth at locations all across New York City. Although polar opposites, they soon discover that they have a lot in common than they expected. The series will literally transport you to New York's festive vibe while figuring out Dash and Lily's journey on romance.

And that’s a wrap!

P. S. you can find more scenes of the movies on my blog! just scroll down (ꈍᴗꈍ)

#christmas #christmas movies #nightmare before christmas #dash and lily #klaus movie #home alone #the princess switch #the christmas chronicles #home alone 1 #home alone 2 #film #movies #last christmas #netflix

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catharrington · 3 years

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I don't know if you have time/desire for more catboy but if you do...

Steve getting something gross stuck in his fur (maybe Billy's bubble gum or some candy?) and Steve's trying to contort himself to clean it, but it's in a spot he just can't quite reach so they have to figure out how to get it off when a bath just makes it worse.

Time? None at all. Desire?? Overflowing with it, babe!!

Oh my gosh let me take this opportunity to enjoy some Halloween time!! I imagine cat boy Steve loves Halloween because hey free built in costume he always wears! Him and other cat people just have the best All Hallows ever!

Steve didn’t have much when he first came to Billy’s, just the ears on his head and the collar that got unceremoniously dumped into the trash can. Billy convinced him to go shopping together once, and Steve didn’t care for it much. Felt far too close to a date, too close to what he wanted from Billy— but not what the other wanted from him.

So soon billy just started leaving money on the coffee table where he could. Small amounts. Just enough for Steve to use it to feel some sort of independence. Because billy was stepping far too over the line— no way Steve actually wanted to be in a serious relationship with the guy he nicknamed ‘kidnapper’.

Halloween was different, Halloween was everything goes. Steve had gotten a job at a library just down the Main Street of town, not a 5 minute walk from their apartment. He would sit behind the counter tapping his long nails across a hard back book, most days, using his pointy ears and flicking tail to point out teenagers making too much noise. And the older woman who worked there all fawned over him.

He took the later evening shift, he said it was to help the old bats out, also I’m by myself! Don’t have to worry about them touching my ears or calling me ‘kitty’ to my face!

He would stumble home every day with his ears low on his floppy brown hair, and his shoulder bag filled with books across his chest.

Billy told him he shouldn’t be walking that late at night, don’t care how far, makes me worried someone might want a pretty cat like you?

And Steve would laugh, strip down to a pair of flannel pajama bottoms he stole from Billy, giggling the whole time, and lay down so his head is on Billy’s chest. Let those rough from work hands relax the tension in the muscles around his ears.

They didn’t talk much, didn’t need to. They felt like two jigsaw puzzle pieces meeting. And those don’t have to talk to know they fit.

Halloween was the first time Billy got to see the side of Steve that wasn’t soft sweaters or library books. Wasn’t a fierce independence acting as a wall againt the trauma of abandonment. Of abuse.

Halloween was the first time Billy got to see Steve in a skin tight black cat suit. Designed for cat boys and bought because there’s a bar right down the block from the library and it’s free drinks for cats tonight! I’ve just got to go, Billy, that’s so rad!

Halloween was when Billy followed Steve around, not the other way around. Pulled out an old leather jacket he was surprised still fit him at all. Didn’t talk about the way Steve was going for an all black look but didn’t make any move to take off the brown leather collar Billy got him as an apology gift.

Didn’t talk about the way the wet look pleather on Steve’s cat suit matched. Didn’t mention they looked like a couple. That Billy might hinder Steve if he’s looking to ride a dick that night.

No, he just smiled and walked arm in arm down the block as the sun set. Pretty oranges and red filling the sky. Leaves crunching underfoot the same color as Steve’s pretty hair, all styled up with hairspray and perfect as could be.

The building is lit up with strings of bright purple, a lime green naked bulb sits in the front door where a bouncer stands and collects Billy’s head fee while Steve just flicks his tail to get it.

The bar is crowded with ghouls, and goblins, witches line the bar with their pointy hats. Decorated with arching white spider webs.

Billy knows Steve really only drinks wine because it actually tastes good unlike the piss Billy drinks, so he ain’t surprised when he orders some candy-apple monstrosity. Laps it up with his devilish pink tongue when he gets it. Catches Billy watching over the rim of his tall beer glass.

Steve downs the martini in one gulp before grabbing Billy around the hand, pulling him with a naughty glint in his eye towards the dance floor.

He turns around, moves Billy’s hands around his hips, purrs dance with me, nice and slow?

In a question that doesn’t sound like a question. His tail wrapping possessively around Billy’s legs. Billy groans back, right into the chocolate fudge swirl of his sensitive ear, set the pace, pretty cat, you know I’m good for it.

They let go for song after song, rolling into the next like their bodies roll. Billy’s belt buckle shimmering and catching against the fabric of Steve’s cat suit. Both a mess of sweat, dripping off their foreheads into their greedy open mouths. But they don’t care, they don’t stop.

Not until Steve’s ear gets yanked by another bar patron. Billy’s got his face burrowed into the side of Steve’s neck, drowning the way his wild flower and musk cologne always lingers on the plush leather, so he doesn’t realize anything happening until Steve’s hands move off his own. They lift from where they were cupped around Billy’s own to swat at another hand hovering around his head. His ears. They stayed at if risking another grope.

Steve hissed low and mean, warning three’s a company, creepy bastard! Now back off before I show you how quick I can bite off a dick. His voice nothing like Billy’s heard it. It made his head snap up so quick.

The guy wouldn’t let up, his face ruddy with alcohol and his golden Roman crown as lopsided as his sheet he’s trying to pass off as a costume. He pops a sucker out his mouth to reply. It’s made his whole mouth cherry red, Billy hates to look at it. Hates the words he’s spewing even more.

Steve only lets him get a sentence into his explanation about how a wild cat like you needs a firm hand before he’s shoving with two fingers into the center of the guy’s chest. Backing him up with a sharp nail that disappears into the fabric. Hopefully to leave a prick of blood.

Billy’s hand snaps forward of its own accord, pressing his huge palm flat into the guy’s shoulder and sending him stumbling backwards. He’s always up for a bar fight, knows a drunk bastard like this wouldn’t win always. He shouts out I warned you man, and now I gotta kick your ass! But doesn’t get that far.

He’s caught by two hands on the lapels of his jacket. Yanking him to the side where Steve’s turned from the ass hole. Watching Billy with those nervous dinner plate eyes again. All glittering gold and chocolate chips, making his knees weak. He’s not worth it, Steve purrs. And he’s right. The guy isn’t worth it. But Steve’s worth winning one bar fight and so, so much more. He’s worth the world to Billy. So he listens and follows as they dip to the bathroom.

It’s not until Billy’s coming out of the stall he used to take a leak does he notice that creepy bastard’s pop stuck in the fur of Steve’s tail. It’s amazing he doesn’t feel it, all glossy and red and clutching at the silky fur, but it’s a testimony to how thick his tail really is. Billy knows, he’s had the honor of running his fingers through it enough times.

He offers let me help, get some soap and try to scrub it out.

But Steve just laughs, bracing himself on the side of the cracking porcelain sink, lifting one leg up while the other held his weight, then twists around until the flat of his tongue can lick across the base of his tail. Gathers spit by licking and licking, grooming the pop off his fur inch by inch until it detached into his mouth.

He drops his leg from the sink with a sigh, a dreamy moany thing that Billy’s never going to get out of his head.

Watches as Steve rolls the pop around in his mouth a couple times, savoring the artificial cherry flavor. Savoring the way he wasn’t about to let that ass hole ruin his Halloween. Then he pressed to open the trash bin with one stomp before spitting the pop away.

Billy’s never been more turned on, never been more grossed out as the same time he’s so hard. Never wanted to taste the lingering bubble pop cherry flavor from another pair of lips before.

He simply leans back against another sink and whistles, says that was something else, Stevie, where all can you reach?

And Steve doesn’t tell him. Huffs out the side of his mouth while he rolls his eyes. Blushing pretty. Says I seriously need another drink now. And something not cherry!

And Billy follows him back to the bar, decorated for Halloween and dripping with spider webs, with a smile.

#imagine you find a cat boy in the rain and he just stays and let’s you pet his ears every night huh how wild #but he thinks you don’t love him?? SMH #cat boy Steve #harringrove

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noonachronicles · 4 years

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Monsta X S/O Reaction to Their Kink

Loosely based off of a requested by @nemesyis but ended up with me really just doing whatever I felt like. lol

Warnings - As the theme is kinks, there are themes of smut. Please also note, that I took some liberties on a couple of the kinks and they are a bit on the kink lite side of things. Dacryphilia and graphoerotica are typically much more...intense, and often not as...nice. Basically I’m trying to say please be cautious, do your research, and be safe.

Authors Note - This ended up being really long. Are reactions supposed to be this long? Did I do it wrong??

Shownu - Garters and Stocking – Many men get turned on seeing a woman in this (now) uncommon underwear.

Hyunwoo had sat down at the table to eat his ‘between lunch and dinner’ meal. Which, as you knew, meant it would be the perfect time to get ready, because nothing distracted that man from his food which meant he wouldn’t be hanging around to distract you.

You were nearly ready, hair done up in victory rolls, eyeliner winged to perfection and lipstick red as a candy apple. You’d just been pulling the stockings up your legs and clipping the garter belt when you noticed you didn’t have the main component of your outfit.

“Crap...” you muttered before walking out to the living room.

You went quickly to the couch were you’d dropped a bunch of shopping bags from your last minute shopping spree that morning. Your mind elsewhere you didn’t even notice Hyunwoo look up from his plate.

It was just a quick glance. He knew it was you when he heard the movement in the adjacent living room but he had to look up, out of habit. When his eyes dropped back down to his plate he gulped. His mouth was watering and he wasn’t sure it was just because of the fried chicken in between his fingers.

“What...what’s that?” He asked from the table.

“What’s what, baby?” You called over your shoulder, still digging in your bags.

“Your outfit.” He said putting down the chicken leg in his hand and sucking on his fingers.

“Oh.” He bit his lip as he watched you bent over the back of the couch. The subtle black seam of the stockings lining the length of your legs. “It’s my outfit for the bachelorette party! It’s swing themed, remember? I told you. I just need...aha! The dress.”

You tugged the dress from the bag and turned around. You jumped back in surprise that Hyunwoo was standing right in front of you. Your forehead creased as he eyed you hungrily, you looked around his broad shoulders to the table where he still had half of his meal waiting.

“What are you doing?” You asked curiously as he lifted his hands to your hips and pulled you closer.

“I’m hungry.” He murmured, his large hands spreading out over your legs and running down the stockings and back up again.

“Well...you didn’t finish your food so...”

“Not hungry for that.” He said simply, leaning in to kiss your neck. “Hungry for you.”

“Oh.” You fisted the dress in your hand as his mouth moved over you. “I can’t, I’ll be late.”

He hummed and kissed the tops of your breasts, his hands moving over the lacy fabric of your bra before dropping back down, “I’ll make it worth it.”

You nodded, “Okay, but... don’t mess up the hair. Promise?”

He’d lifted your leg up against his hip and was running his hand over the stockings, “Only if you promise to wear these more.”

Wonho - Dacryphilia - When one is aroused by tears or sobbing.

Hoseok was only half surprised when you burst angrily through his front door. For weeks he’d felt horrible. Something had been eating at him and he wasn’t sure how to explain it to you, so instead of communicating he withdrew.

“Are you breaking up with me!?” You shouted as soon as you saw him. Tears and mascara were already streaking your cheeks.

And his shoulders sank. It was happening again.

The first time it happened the two of you had been cuddled on the couch after dinner watching Goblin. For you it was the third time through because you couldn’t get enough of it and he was watching because he couldn’t say no to you.

There was a particularly emotional scene playing and he couldn’t bare to watch it, knowing he’d probably cry. Instead he turned his gaze to you. That’s when it happened. You’d already been crying, tears clung to your lashes and streaked your cheeks. He thought you looked beautiful. He was in love with your emotion, your passion. So much that he felt a familiar stirring in his shorts. He instantly felt like a monster! How could he be aroused by your tears? Just the idea of you being upset broke his heart, so he shook it off as residual arousal from earlier and tried to forget it.

The second time had been different.

You’d been laying in your bed together. You were reading a book and he’d been working on music and both of you were taking breaks in between for a little kissing and heavy petting. It was an accident really. He’d been sliding his fingers over your skin when he hit a sensitive spot on your side. When you jolted with a laugh he couldn’t help himself. He had to tickle you more and before either of you knew it, you were crying with laughter. Tears streaming out of your eyes as you gasped out for air. It happened again, the stirring in his stomach. After that he found it hard to be around you. Just... in case.

“Answer me! Are you breaking up with me?” You asked again.

“I like when you cry!” He confessed.

You stepped back, “What?!”

“I don’t like when you’re sad or upset!” he specified, “Just...when you cry...you’re so beautiful. It’s...sexy.”

“What do you mean it’s sexy?”

“I know it’s weird. It’s why I didn’t tell you. It’s why I’ve been avoiding you.” He looked deflated.

Looking over at him you noticed the bulge in his shorts and raised your eyebrows, “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Yes. I don’t know why it’s happening.”

“You think...you think I look sexy right now?” He nodded and you looked over at the mirror hanging on the wall and quickly turned away in disgust of your hot mess reflection, “Ugh god... seriously? I look like a sad, crazy panda.”

“No!” He stepped in front of you and cupped your cheek. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

“Hoseok. This is so weird.” You muttered skeptically.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“So you’re really not breaking up with me?”

“No! I was worried you were going to break up with me.” He was a little worried you still might. “I love you...”

You sighed, “Okay.”

“Okay?” He asked.

“I love you too and as weird as this is... it could have been something weirder I suppose.” you shrugged.

He leaned in and kissed you hard, his arms wrapped around you, nearly lifting you off the ground. He was so relieved. When you had two feet solidly back on the ground you pulled back and looked at him. He’d really been so worried, in retrospect you found it almost amusing.

“There’s like...twenty more episodes of Goblin.” You whispered against his lips.

“Of course! We can do anything you want, for the rest of our lives, whatever you want. Anything to make up for this.” he said enthusiastically.

“No...I mean,” you ran your fingers up from his chest to his neck, “There’s like twenty more episodes of Goblin and every single one of them makes me cry.”

Hyungwon - Graphoerotica - Writing words on someone’s body.

You didn’t get a lot of dates with your boyfriend, as he was a very busy man, so when he asked if you wanted to be his date to a charity event you jumped at the chance. Being around so many celebrities made you just a tad anxious so when you found the clicky pen at the bottom of the swag bag they handed out at the door when you came in you held it like a lifeline in one hand while you held Hyungwon’s hand in the other.

He walked you around the party and introduced you to the people he knew and himself to some people he didn’t know yet. He’d met a producer that was interested in his dj/solo work and needed somewhere to take down his phone number. You’d left your phones at the table so you offered him the pen.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” He asked staring down at the pen.

“Write it on your hand...”

He pouted at you slightly and you stuck your palm out with a roll of your eyes. With a small smile he quickly wrote down the number of the producer. Afterwards he looked down at the ink on your skin and hummed thoughtfully before dropping the pen in your hand and going back to his conversation. Leaving you to think nothing of it.

A couple of days later you’d been laying in bed next to one another. Hyungwon was taking a nap and you’d been doing a crossword puzzle when you’d fallen asleep too. When you woke up Hyungwon was missing, likely in the kitchen getting food. Looking down at your arm you realized there was a mark that you thought had just been from knocking into the pen in your sleep. However upon closer review you realized Hyungwon had written ‘Hi Cutie :)’ on your arm. With a small smirk you let it go.

A week after that he’d invited you to the studio. He’d been there for days and missed you like crazy and you’d been more than willing to visit him. You sat on the couch talking to Jooheon about some of the collaborations he’d done on his latest mixtape while Hyungwon sat on the ground between your legs going over some checklists with Shownu. After awhile you felt the wet tip of the marker Hyungwon had been using press against your bare thigh.

“What are you doing?” You asked looking down at him.

He looked up at you innocently as he could, “nothing.”

“Mmhmm.” You hummed trying to look at what he’d drawn but he had covered it up under his large hands. “What are you drawing?”

He shrugged cutely, “Just a turtle.”

“You’re so weird.” You said ruffling his hair with your hand before going back to your conversation with Jooheon as he continued his drawing.

Maybe ten minutes passed when you felt Hyungwon press a kiss against your thigh before getting up to record his part of the song. You didn’t think about it. You didn’t think about the drawing until Jooheon looked down at your leg and chuckled.

“Point made hyung.” He laughed.

You looked down to see he had drawn a turtle like he said, only inside of the turtle he’d written ‘Property of Chae Hyungwon. Don’t Touch’. Your face reddened in embarrassment and you told Jooheon to tell Hyungwon his property took herself home.

When he arrived home later he slinked into the bedroom like guilty puppy waiting to be reprimanded. He was surprised to find you sitting on the edge of the mattress in his favorite lingerie. He stepped between your knees and looked down to see his art from earlier still on your skin.

“You didn’t wash it off yet?” he noted, dragging his finger over the ink.

You shook your head. “I kind of liked it. I like being yours Hyungwon...maybe just not in front of your friends like that.”

“You do?” he grinned.

Lifting your hand you offered him a more easily washable marker. “Do your worst.”

Minhyuk - Body Painting – Painting bodies, treating the skin as a human canvas.

Minhyuk and you had been dating for awhile now. He’d been a very ambitious lover since your very first time together, which you always appreciated from him. Recently, within the last few weeks, you’d just felt so comfortable with him. Really loved, like you could confess anything to him and he wouldn’t run away. So you had been. You told him all the weird little things you were into and he tried every single one of them for you with as much or more enthusiasm as you could have wished for.

One night, laying in bed, you watched him move under the blankets and realized that he’d been so understanding of your kinks and you’d never tried any of his. He’d been leaving little bruises on your hips and stomach with his mouth when you tore the blanket from him. He’d already left little love marks on your thighs and chest.

“Everything okay, Jagi?” He asked wide eyed as his head popped up.

“I just missed you.” You grinned, “Come back.”

With a bright smile he moved back up the bed to give you a proper kiss. After a moment you pulled away and gave him a smile.

“Minnie...” you whispered against his mouth, “what do you like?”

“I like you, Jagi.” He said giving you a quick kiss.

You laughed, “No, baby, I mean...what do you like? We’ve tried all the stuff I like. Isn’t there anything you want to do? Something you’d like us to try?”

He thought about it for a moment, his gaze moving passed you as he cyphered through his thoughts. There was a hint of excitement in his eyes but he quickly let it go before looking down at you and shaking his head.

“No. I like what you like.” he answered.

You frowned. “You don’t trust me? Are you...uncomfortable with me?”

“No!” He said reassuringly. “It’s just not a big deal.”

“Tell me, please?”

He sighed, “I guess...I’ve really only thought about it a couple times but, I’d like to...paint you.”

“Like one of your French girls?” You joked.

With a small smile he shook his head. “Not like that.”

“Well,” you sat up next to him, “tell me what you mean. We can try it.”

“Yeah?” You nodded and he jumped up enthusiastically, “okay!”

He left the room for a moment but was back quickly with an armful of paints and a hand full of brushes. Before long he had you lying on your back while he sat on the tops of your thighs. His tongue was sticking cutely out of the side of his mouth as he ran his brush over your abdomen a few more times perfecting his oceanscape. As he looked down at you his chest puffed with pride.

“See? No big deal.”

But it was a big deal. Between not being able to move beneath him and the gentle, wet strokes of his brushes you were trembling. Goosebumps lined your skin and your nipples had been so sensitive from when he painted them that every pass of cool air over the wet paint felt like the flick of his tongue and it was driving you insane.

“Was it horrible?” He grinned. Trailing his fingertip over the spots on your skin that had already dried. You shook your head silently as his hand reached the moist, heated fabric between your thighs. “Oh? I think you liked it quite a bit actually.”

You gasped as his fingers moved under the fabric of your panties and your back arched off the bed. Quickly his other hand was on your hip pushing you back down against the mattress.

“Don’t move.” He commanded, and your jaw dropped at the way his eyes moved over you, “It’s not dry yet. You don’t want to ruin it.”

Kihyun - Intelligence Fetish – Sexual arousal from intellectually stimulating conversation or debates.

Kihyun knew you were smart. It was one of the things that had immediately attracted him to you. Your intellect, your sense of humor, your good heart. He just hadn’t realized at first how much your intelligence attracted him to you, and the specific ways it affected him. He didn’t put much thought into the fact that after every debate over politics, every argument about some new scientific development or even little heated conversations about which group had a better comeback this week, he had to have you.

In fairness, though you were smart, you hadn’t put two and two together either. You always figured it was just adrenaline from another hot debate. The thrill of the argument maybe. That and the fact that Kihyun had, surprising to you when you first got together, a sex drive like a machine.

Realization hit him at a truly inopportune moment. The two of you had been having dinner out at a restaurant with Hyungwon and his most recent partner. The four of you had been in a mild conversation that was quickly turning into a heated, yet friendly, debate between you and Hyungwon. At first Kihyun just sat back, enjoying listening to your passionate opinions, agreeing with most everything you said. He was certain you were going to come out on top. You were so quick witted and clever. Even against a professional sass and back talker like Hyungwon.

As time passed, with every new point you brought up there was a new surge of blood to his dick until he was swollen and uncomfortable in his dress pants. He was a little confused by his arousal as you weren’t even arguing with him. He had no skin in the game. He didn’t really even care about what you guys were talking about if he was being honest. Still, here he was, wanting you. Needing you.

He adjusted himself in his seat and an accidental groan escaped his lips. You looked over at him and sighed.

“We should stop. This must be so boring for these two.” You said referring to your dates.

Hyungwon just shrugged, “Already giving up. I expected more from you, y/n.”

“Keep going.” Kihyun muttered from his seat. “Don’t stop.”

“Are you sure?” Turning back to him you raised an eyebrow, “I feel bad. You haven’t exactly been involved in the debate.”

Reaching down you placed a kind hand on his thigh, this time both eyebrows shot up. He just nodded, “Please...destroy him.”

“Okay.” You said with a blush and turned back to your opponent.

It didn’t take much more time at all, maybe ten more minutes of excruciating fore play, before it was clear the argument was yours. Hyungwon conceded with his pride still intact. And the two of you laughed over the whole thing as Kihyun pulled his wallet from his too-tight pants. He stood up and pulled you to your feet, honestly he just needed to use you as a way to hide his obvious erection.

“I don’t mean to be rude, please don’t take it that way. I had a lovely night,” he said dropping a wad of cash on the table, “If that’s not enough let me know and I’ll get you more later but we need to leave. Now.”

With that he maneuvered you through the restaurant like a bank robber using a teller as a human shield.

You barely heard Hyungwon call out, “Thanks for dinner, Young Flexer!”

Luckily you did hear and you laughed. You laughed again as Kihyun pushed you a little more aggressively and said, “Please, just keep walking I can’t wait any longer.”

Jooheon - Wax Play – Play with dripping hot wax on the skin.

The power had been out all day. It felt like you’d been taken back to medieval times once your uncharged phones finally perished. Some of it was nice. Just being with your boyfriend, Jooheon. No interruptions, no social media, no work. It was just the two of you and some much needed alone time together.

He was already pretty turned on. You’d been grinding on his lap for about fifteen minutes worth of make out session by candlelight. He whined when you pulled away, releasing his thick swollen lip with a pop.

“Give me two seconds.” you said, “I really have to pee.”

“Hurry.” He begged.

“I will!” You promised and reached over hurriedly to grab one of the candles next to the couch to take with you to the dark bathroom.

When you turned to get off of him you did so with a little too much enthusiasm and some of the wax from the candle splashed out over the rim and splattered across his chest.

“Oh fuck me!” He cried out.

You stopped everything to tend to him. “I’m sorry, Honey! Oh my god, baby are you okay?”

He watched as you blew on the wax to try and cool it quicker so you could peel it off his skin and as you did he realized that it didn’t exactly feel that bad. It was mostly just shock from the unexpected.

You gently rubbed the pinked skin, and pressed sweet kisses against his chest. “I’m so sorry, Honey. Please forgive me!”

“Babe, it’s fine.” He chuckled lightly, “I’m okay. Just go to the bathroom. I swear I’m not upset, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I’m still so sorry.” You whispered, you were shaking at the sight of how pink his skin still was.

“You’re okay. I’m okay.” He reassured you, “Now go, and hurry back. Just carefully this time.”

You did as he said and disappeared from the room. When you did he gulped and looked over at the other candle burning on the side table before picking it up. He looked back towards the doorway and then quickly dipped his fingertip into the liquid. The sensation sent a pleasurable chill down his spine.

You’d just walked into the door after work a few days later, long after the power had come back on and everything went back to normal. You dropped your keys in the bowl by the door and kicked off your shoes. You were absentmindedly sorting through the mail from the mailbox when you noticed the bag on the counter.

Curious as a cat you peeked into the plastic bag and immediately your brow creased. It was candles. A lot of candles. Picking up the bag and dropping the mail you made your way into the bedroom where Jooheon was sitting up in bed, his laptop sitting on his legs and his glasses falling off his nose.

“Honey...” you said from the doorway.

He looked up and smiled at you. “Jagi.”

You lifted the plastic bag at your side, “Expecting a sudden surge of blackouts?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Did you know you have to use a low temperature burning candle for safe wax play during sex?”

“Excuse me?” you choked out.

“Do you want to try it with me?” He asked enthusiastically, his dimple digging deep into his cheek. How could you say no?

Changkyun - Exhibitionism - Becoming aroused by the idea of being seen by others, or by the thrill of being caught.

As long as you had known him and in every aspect of your relationship, Changkyun was a limit pusher. He liked to find your line between acceptance and disapproval and then just inch by inch see how far he could move it until he was really in trouble with you. This meant you were both incredibly comfortable with him at all times and uncomfortable, in general, most times. And the fact that he was a bit of an exhibitionist was not a surprise to you. He’d given you about a hundred breadcrumbs along the path to what would be his eventual end game.

When you first got together it was hand holding. Were you okay with light PDA? Then it was kissing. First on the hand or the cheek. Then gentle nuzzles against your neck, his leg over your lap. It was cute, you thought, like a baby koala. Needy and clingy. You didn’t mind at all and everyone else in his life seemed used to the behaviors too.

Then he went a step further. Kissing in front of the others. Not cute, sweet kisses like before. Real kisses. Tongue between your teeth, irrepressible moaning, gentle groping. Kisses that left you flushed and frantically needing him alone afterwards. While he sat smugly beside you. Visibly unbothered by the heat bubbling between you and unconcerned about the disapproving eyes of his hyungs.

Next was a big leap. Miles outside of your comfort zone. Though, somehow, Changkyun had a charisma that made the discomfort more thrilling than anything else so you went with it.

It was movie night at the dorms and you’d been snuggled up together in the couch like usual. Changkyun had been whiny and needy all evening begging for you to feed him snacks while held onto you like a sloth on a tree branch. Sometimes it was sweet, when he held you. Warm and cozy. Somewhere about mid movie you could physically feel a shift in him. When you looked over to his face you saw the deviant look in his eye and the evil grin that crossed his lips.

You cleared your throat as he leaned in and kissed your clavicle. You’d been so distracted you didn’t even feel his hand snake between your bodies until it was much too late. You gasped loudly at a scene that absolutely didn’t call for it and several of the others turned to look at you in surprise. Changkyun gave his best sweet boy smile, and everyone went back to the movie.

“Don’t.” You murmured as his fingers teased your panty line.

“Please.” he begged.

You let out a slow breath and nodded. With your permission he slipped his fingers between your slick lips. He dragged his wet fingers back up and rubbed them slowly against your hardened rosebud.

“Kyun...” you whispered, panicked, “they’re gonna know.”

“They don’t know shit.” He whispered back before leaving a loud smooch against your cheek and turning back to the movie.

You bit your lip hard as he pumped his fingers into you, the heel of his palm, pressing heavy against your clit. After a few minutes all it really took was looking over at the dark look in his eyes and you were putty.

Wide eyed you mouthed, “I’m gonna cum.”

With a broad, amused smile he mouthed back, “I know!”

He was laughing as your head rolled back, and your toes curled beneath the blanket you’d been sharing. At least for him the laughter went appropriately with the film. Once you’d ridden your orgasm out on his fingers he pulled his hand from between your legs and grinned mischievously.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“I want some popcorn...” he laughed reaching into the bowl.

“Oh my god.” You groaned, mortified, as he came back to snuggle against you.

“I love you.” He grinned.

“You’re evil.” you sighed in defeat before getting up to replace the popcorn.

#monsta x reaction #lee jooheon scenario #shownu scenario #yoo kihyun scenarios #lee Minhyuk scenario #chae hyungwon scenario #wonho scenario #im changkyun scenario #monsta x smut #monsta x scenario

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thebluelf · 4 years

Text

//For @cutecutejames’s boy friend. Happy Secret Friends Day!//

Bobbing For Apples

It was the first Halloween since the new hero moved into LazyTown. Robbie was sure the health nut was going to try to eradicate the holiday because of how unhealthy it must be with all the candy involved. It had been bothering him for a month.

Then October came. People were putting up decorations and talking about costumes. What would the Sportaloon have to say about this, he wondered. On cue, Sportacus jumped into the scene unfolding among the towns people. Robbie zoomed in on him while trying to steady the periscope.

“What are you guys up to?” Sportacus asked.

“Just talking about what costumes we should wear for Halloween,” Stephanie chirped.

“I’m going to go as a werewolf, rawr!” Trixie swiped a hand in the air like claws.

“I’m going to dress up like you, Sportacus!” Ziggy shouted excitedly.

Sportacus was filled with joy and laughter. It disgusted and angered Robbie.

“We’re going to collect lots of candy!”

“Just don’t eat it all at once. Save some for later.” Sportacus winked and the kids giggled.

“Sportacus! We’re having a Halloween party next week. What to join? We’ll have lots of games!”

“Sure! I’d love to!”

“What? What Halloween party?” Robbie growled. “Why wasn’t I told of this? Maybe I want to have fun and play games, too!...Nah! What I want to do is scare them.” He laughed. “When they least expect it, I’ll crash the party and scare the daylights out of them! Ah haha!” Robbie spread his arms wide in the glory of his genius idea before pushing the periscope away.

“What a perfect plan! Now I just need a costume...” He tapped his chin for a moment and shrugged. “All well. I have all week to come up with something.” Then he stomped over to his chair, turned on the tv, and resumed munching on the cheesy corn puffs he started earlier.

👻🎃👻🎃👻

It was the night of the party. Games and activities were scattered around the sports field. In the center were lonely bowls of all kinds of candy. They were being ignored by Sportacus, Bessie, and the kids who were gathered around a particular game.

Trying to stay hidden from them, Robbie crouched behind an adjacent wall. He wore a green goblin mask and his regular clothes. It was all he had time for. He spotted the candy and spoke into his crooked hands. “I’ll scare all of them away and then I’ll have all the candy to myself. Yes!”

Just then, the mayor walked by. Robbie froze.

“Why hello, Mr. Rotten! Come to share in the festivities? Do do-do do-do...” he sang as he continued on.

“How did he know it was me?!”

Robbie shook it off and continued with his plan. He peaked past the ledge, looking for the right opportunity to jump out.

“What’s this game?” Sportacus asked the kids.

“It’s bobbing for apples!” Stephanie explained. “You have to grab an apple out of the water using only your mouth before the timer runs out. And you can’t use your hands. Like that!” She pointed.

Trixie and Ziggy pressed their faces to the water, struggling to sink their teeth in an apple that bobbed along the surface.

Robbie audibly gagged at the image. “How disgusting! All those children’s nasty mouth germs are in there! GAH!” It sent shivers down his spine. “And I thought I was scary.”

“Whoever pulls out an apple first wins!” Stephanie finished. “Want to give it a try?”

“Sure!” Sportacus replied.

Robbie, again, moaned in disgust. This time it was a little too loud. He cupped his mouth. Too late.

“Uh, what was that?” asked Pixel.

Sportacus responded. “I’ll go check it out. You guys stay here.”

He approached Robbie. “Hello?”

“Now’s my only chance!” Robbie positioned himself.

“Hello-o!”

“BOO!” He jumped up from behind the wall and towered over the hero.

Sportacus flipped backwards and pulled out his tennis rackets. He landed in a fighting stance but dropped his guard when Robbie flinched.

“Don’t hurt me!”

“Robbie?” The rackets fell out of his hands, and he approached the villain. “It’s only you! You surprised me!”

“I did?”

Sportacus nodded.

“Nice one, Mr. Rotten!” Stingy cheered and the others joined. “That was a good Halloween scare!”

“I did it! I scared you!”

Robbie’s reaction struck a chord in Sportacus’s heart. He couldn’t help but laugh. It caught the villain off guard, though he didn’t feel teased.

“Robbie, would you like to join us?” He offered a hand to help him over the wall.

Everyone encouraged Robbie.

“S-sure...” the nervous man took Sportacus’s hand as he cautiously climbed over. They made their way to the others.

Ziggy shouted, “You can bob for apples against Sportacus!”

“What?! I don’t know about that. I-I-I...”

Everyone cheered again.

Robbie looked at Sportacus wearing an encouraging smile. The kids’ pleading matched the look in his eyes.

Robbie sighed. “...Ok.”

🍎🍬🍎🍬🍎

They stood next to each other in front of the tall bin of water. Two apples floating in front of them. They held their hands behind their back. Robbie did not want to stick his face in the water let alone grab an apple from it with his mouth. There was no telling how much of it would get up his nose or down his throat. He looked over at Sportacus who was practically nose-to-nose with his reflection in the shiny skin of the fruit and figured he should at least try to appear just as ready.

Stephanie held a timer in her hand. “Aaaaand go!”

Robbie could not bring himself to make contact with the water, so he watched Sportacus instead. Sportacus went after the apple like a dog going after its favorite stick. His head hung over the water as the apple kept slipping from his grasp.

It would be a shame if he were to fall in, Robbie thought. Then the idea came to him. He could picture himself dunking the unsuspecting elf’s head into the kid-contaminated water — just for a split second. He didn’t want to drown the poor guy. He just wanted to see the shock on Sportaspurt’s soaking wet face as he merges from the water. It was low hanging fruit for the villain and an urge so hard to resist. He stared at the opportunity in his face, arguing back and forth, but like a cat witnessing a mouse with its back turned, he just could not resist pouncing anymore.

Suddenly the villain’s hands were pressed against the hero’s back, and down under the water Sportacus went.

Gasps of shock interrupted the cheering before everything went quiet. They all starred at Robbie in disbelief.

It suddenly donned on Robbie what he just did, and he immediately regretted it.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking! I didn’t mean to! I’m s—“

Straightening up from the waist, Sportacus emerged from the water. Light, golden-brown hair dripping of water covered his eyes and hid his expression.

Robbie watched in horror of the unknown.

Sportacus turned to him. He grabbed the villain’s hand and held it out between the two of them.

Robbie shook. What kind of revenge was this? He covered his eyes.

Sportacus let go of the apple in his mouth and placed it into Robbie’s cupped palm.

Robbie opened an eye.

“I win!” Sportacus beamed, holding his hair back and revealing bright blue eyes.

Robbie shook his hand as if the hero had placed a creepy bug on it.

Sportacus fished his hat from the water and wrung it dry before putting it back on.

“Sportacus, I’m suh- saw- so-..” Why was it so hard to apologize now?

The elf flicked a little water from the bin at Robbie’s face to get his attention. Robbie looked up, and Sportacus winked.

“It’s ok, Robbie.” He smiled warmly.

Robbie felt something weird tug his chest and he grabbed at it. Nothing was there? He looked down at his chest and then at Sportacus and then at his chest and then at Sportacus again. “Oh no,” he whispered. “Don’t tell me he’s...” giving me feelings, he finished the thought silently. This wasn’t good at all.

“Are you ok?”

“I’ve got to leave now.”

“Oh, hold on!”

Sportacus trotted over to a table and came back with a bad of candy.

“You’re giving me candy???”

Sportacus chuckled and nodded.

“But... you’re... Sportacus???”

“And I can’t eat candy. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it sometimes.”

“Thank you.”

Silence overtook them both. It didn’t seem to phase Sportacus who happily continued to watch his new friend, but Robbie had had enough of it.

“I’ll be going now,” he said slowly and awkwardly as he started making distance between them.

“Ok! Bye-bye, Robbie!”

“Yeah, bye-bye!”

“Take care!”

“See you!”

(Was he done?)

“Bye!”

(Nope.)

“Later!”

...

Not expecting the silence, Robbie checked behind him. Sportacus waved back.

“Ugh!” He threw his hands up in the air. “...Do you want to walk me home?” he hollered.

“...Yes!” Sportacus shouted back.

Robbie facepalmed before waving him over.“Come on, then!”

(End) // Happy Halloween!

#lazytown #sportarobbie #secretfriend2020 #secret friend day 2020 #lazyween #lazyween2020 #halloween #halloween 2020 #drabble #Bobbing for Apples

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kyidyl · 4 years

Text

Not Deer

(This was inspired by that post that was circulating about the Not Deer in Appalachia and the town that I currently live in. @leftturnat4thandbananas I especially thought you would enjoy this little bit of quarantine-induced madness. You’ll probably recognize some of the things I’m describing.)

“Alexa, stop!,” Macey yelled at the black cylinder sitting on her night stand. The alarm shut off, and I started packing up my stuff. I caught her frown as she watched me.

“What?,” I asked, “It’s almost curfew. You know how my mom is about curfew.”

“It’s snowing outside, and it’s dark,” she swung around so she was sitting on the edge of her bed and flipped her long, dark braid back over her shoulder.

I finished packing my homework into my backpack and stood, “It’s always dark and cold when I go home in the winter. I’ll be fine.”

Both the argument and the concern in her brown eyes was familiar. She was definitely the mom friend in our group, “It’s not always snowing. People aren’t careful in the snow.”

“They’re never careful on that road,” we both lived along a back road that wound through farms and woods. It had a lot of curves, hills, and blind spots - and no sidewalk. But it was the only way to get home, so it’s the way I went. She stood up too, following me as I left her room and started down the steps.

“You can stay the night, you know. My mom won’t mind.”

“I know, Mace, but I will. You know I don’t like getting ready for school here. All my stuff is at home. I’ve either got to get up at the ass crack of dawn,” which never happened because we always stayed up late talking, “Or do a walk of shame.”

I let my backpack down in the hallway with a thunk, and retrieved my coat from their closet. I’d brought gloves, a scarf, and a hat, too even though I normally don’t. I was glad I’d grabbed them. She stood on the bottom step, chewing her bottom lip. Her parents were out to dinner, so she couldn’t bug her dad to drive me, but I know she would have if they’d been here. She tried one more tactic to get me to give up on my walk home, “What about your mom? Can she come get you?”

I shook my head, “Dad has the car. Listen, I’ve walked home in the snow before. It’ll be totally fine.”

She sighed and dropped her arms, “This is what you were talking about earlier, isn’t it. The worrying.”

“Yeah, but it’s ok. I get why you do it,” I gave her a quick hug and hefted my backpack onto my shoulders, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Text me when you get home?”

“Of course! Later!”

“Later, Apple,” I smiled at her nickname for me and left. After I closed the door behind me, I heard the lock click into place. Her parents’ rules: if you’re home alone, you lock the door. I shifted the weight of my books on my back, and looked around.

Macey lived on a small farm, and so she had a long driveway between her house and the road. I started walking, and the sand and rocks of the unpaved drive crunched under the soles of my shit-kickers. Macey’s dad had salted the drive before they’d left, and the stones glimmered wetly in the moonlight. It turned out that the snowing had stopped while we’d been hanging out, and the clouds had gone. The ground was blanketed in a couple of inches of unblemished white. Just enough to cover the grass, but not enough to get school canceled.

The moon was out, bright and full, and it illuminated the flat, white expanse of the land that stretched out on either side. The air smelled like ice and cold, like icicles and sleeping forest. There was only a little wind, and it blew up swirls of loosely packed snowflakes from the ground. Everything had that cushioned silence that follows a new snowfall.

It took a few minutes for me to reach the actual road, and unlike the Romero family’s driveway, it hadn’t been touched by salt, sand, or plow. Typical. It probably would be covered until tomorrow morning. Our little town wasn’t exactly proactive about things like that. They preferred to suffer, I guess. I gave an annoyed snort to the empty night,

I was careful as I turned left onto the empty road, watching for the glow of headlights to give me some forewarning of a car. None came, and I kept walking.

Soon, the flat land of the farms gave way to the woods. Houses, none of them of the new construction that made up the subdivisions further up the road, were set back from the road or behind a screen of trees. This road had hills, and further along it the side of the road would give way to steep ditches and gullies. Our here, there were plenty of animals. My parents have hit deer especially a number of times; my dad even bought these weird things for his hood that are supposed to whistle and chase the deer away.

As the landscape transitioned into woods, there was an old, broken barn. Not even a barn, really, more like a two sheds stuck together. Half of it was beaten, lilting boards and a slice for a door. The other half was a rusting tin can of a structure, the metal walls little more than rust and the vines that held it together, and a set of open doors that led into gloom. A barely-there metal roof was slanted over the rested half and pitched over the wooden half, and it was only slightly less rusted than the shed itself. A useless decaying horse gate was off to the side, slanting drunkenly to the right, and a path into the woods was behind it.

(picture to break up the wall o text.)

I hated that barn.

It creeped me out. The hairs on the back of my neck rose every time I got close. Even as a little kid I hadn’t been curious enough to overcome that particular fear, and it hadn’t gotten better over the years. Every time I walked home I crossed the street to avoid walking too closed to it and sprinted passed it. But tonight, the snow and slickness made it dangerous for me to do either of those things. My heart rate ticked up and I took my hands out of my pocket. When it came to fight or flight, I was very much in the fight category. It seemed like the wind blew a little harder, and suddenly I thought I could hear all kinds of noises that I hadn’t heard before.

The cracking of a stick somewhere in the woods, almost like a gunshot in the dark.

The fump has a pile of snow was pushed off of a branch somewhere.

The flap and tumble of some unlucky bird.

A barking dog menacing me from one of the homes nearby.

These sounds were normal, but as I was walking in front of the sad, lonely little structure, they all seemed sinister. They were living things, pulsing in the darkness when I wanted to be alone. The sounds of my steps in the snow answered. Shit kickers aren’t stealthy.

I walked past that structure as fast as I could, the fear tightening my shoulders more with every step. I clenched my teeth and my fists, and walked. The stillness was oppressive now, where moments before it had been soothing. Fear makes you see things in shadows.

Which is why, when the winter-bared bones of the bush in front of the shed clacked and scraped together in a gust of wind, I screamed and ran. Damn the snow, damn fight or flight, I was not looking to fight some supernatural entity tonight.

Apparently, though, the laws of physics still applied to me. I ran, but I didn’t get very far before I tripped have a big branch on the side of the road. My feet slipped in the snow, and I went down face-first onto my hands and knees.

In case you have ever wondered: snow does very little to cushion a fall onto rocks and rough pavement. It only makes your clothes wet on top of giving you road rash. And that ish hurts.

“Great, Alisha, juuuust great. Skinning your damned knees like a five year old because of some wind,” I grumbled aloud to myself as I stood and started brushing debris off the now-wet knees of my jeans. I checked under my gloves, and while my hands stung, the gloves had saved me from the words of the skinning. In fact, the worst was the throbbing on the back of my head where my backpack had slid up my back and smacked my head. Well, that and the knowledge that whatever goblin lived in that shed was probably having a laugh at my expense.

The fall did do one good thing, though. It broke through the worst of my fear, and I laughed to myself as the adrenaline started wearing off. I started down the road again, stomping in protest, my cold hands jammed back in my pockets.

From here, the road got darker as the trees reached overhead. Even in the winter they blocked most of the light from the moon, and out here in the country they didn’t bother with street lights. The embankments on the side of the road rose and forced me to walk directly on the road instead of off to the side. This was the most dangerous part, because this was also where the tight curves started. I felt my adrenaline spike again, but this time there was nothing supernatural about it; I was alert for headlights bouncing off of the tree branches.

As I walked, I listened to the world around me, my caution making my senses stretch further. I heard the same things as before: the cracking of sticks in the forest as some creature shuffled around them, the huffing of a dog that probably just wanted to play, the whispered hush of snow rearranging itself in the trees, and the occasional noise of some small creatures settling in for the night. They were the same noises I always heard around here at this time of year, familiar as the nose on my face. It’s funny how the mind plays tricks.

I found a good walking speed that wasn’t so fast it was dangerous, but wasn’t so slow that I’d be frozen before I got home, and the time passed quickly. Before I knew it, I was almost at the little bridge before the turn off for my house. Really, bridge was a generous word for the small overpass that took the road over the little creek. It was just a flat stretch of road with a thin shoulder and a low concrete guardrail. On the other side, the road curved out of view.

(another pic to break up the wall o text. Both images are screenshots of Google street view edited in PS.)

Here, the trees pulled back some and the moon was able to shine clearly on the flat surface of the bridge. There, standing in the middle of the road, was a huge buck. I’ve seen a lot of deer living out in the stix, but this was easily the biggest one I’d ever seen. I’m 5′2, and this thing looked like its shoulder would be somewhere around my head. I didn’t even know they could get that big. The moon painted its orange-brown coat with silver, and threw the shadows created by its twisting antlers into sharp relief. They were as big as him - thick and heavy, and wickedly sharp. I couldn’t count the points from here, but it had to be at least twelve.

Wait...antlers? It was February. My dad liked to hunt, and even though I’d never gotten into he, he’d taught me a few things about deer. One of those things was that the bucks dropped their antlers earlier than this, and it was a good time to go hunting for the shed racks in the woods. This deer shouldn’t have any antlers this late in the season.

I stopped in my tracks, and as I did, it whipped its head around to look at me. There moonlight was a sharp little blade in the dark eyes of this thing as it stared at me from the other side of the river. It stared, and stared, and as it did, the same fear grabbed hold of my guts and scratched its way across the nerves of my skin. My heart was pounding, my muscles clamped tight. This was nothing like the fear I’d felt while passing the shed. It seemed like a cozy little refuge, now, as I started down this deer.

I couldn’t understand why I felt this way - it had done nothing but be big and not shed its antlers yet. That logic didn’t matter. I wasn’t getting a single step closer to that thing. I ground my teeth as I stared at it. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Right now, my actions were being guided by a part of my brain that kept my ancestors alive.

Predator, it screamed, that is a predator!

It made no sense. It was a deer. Sure, they’d eat meat sometimes if it was around. They looked at gut piles like they were treats this time of year, but they didn’t kill and eat humans. That was another thing my instincts were saying - hungry. This thing was hungry. I still couldn’t say why or how I knew any of this, but I knew it down to the red marrow of my bones.

It was strange - the longer I stared down that deer, the more of a tug I felt to keep walking. To cross the river. But the terror was useful; it kept me from following that impulse. The deer huffed, and its breath didn’t fog in the cold. My brain filed that detail away automatically with the height and the antlers. The animal sounded frustrated, although it shouldn’t have been possible for me to identify that emotion so clearly.

Then it started pacing. I watched in fascination horror as it moved with an awkward, stuttering gate. It didn’t seem to know how to place its hooves, and it swayed back and forth, all while not taking its too-intelligent eyes off of its prey. It didn’t know how to move properly, and I remembered that my dad had told me of an illness. Chronic Wasting Disease - mad cow for deer. He told me how to spot one, and to steer clear of it. He told me it was neurological; that it made it hard for them to move.

But this wasn’t that. No, this deer moved like it was something else wearing the skin of a deer. Like it was new to that body and didn’t know how to use it. Its fumbling reminded me of the way a toddler moved - wobbling and unsure of what its muscles should do, but enthusiastic about being up and walking instead of crawling. It was like that, but with far less innocence and far more jerks and twitches in its movement. It almost looked like it was adjusting its deer suit as it paced on its side of the river.

It huffed again and then growled. Not like a tiger or a dog would growl, more like a cat growling if that cat had the vocal cords of a high-pitched cow. I screamed in surprise and covered my ears at the sound.

Come. Here. I could feel its anger and frustration pressing in on me, looking for purchase, looking for a crack in my terror.

There was none. It was all-encompassing. It was terror of the sort that fueled strength. Terror that sharpened your mind, that made time slow so you could think faster and survive. It was the same kind of terror that had saved the earliest of my kind on the savannahs in Africa. It was terror that whispered to me with a small, comforting voice, do not cross the moving water.

Of course - it hadn’t even attempted to cross the stream, pacing back and forth over where the edge of the stream was rather than where the edge of the bridge was. It couldn’t cross the moving water.

As soon as I had the thought the creature’s growling was honed into a scream. It stood on two legs, making it tower over me. It was trying to be more threatening, but I knew now. I knew as long as I stayed over here I was ok.

“No,” I said, my voice stead and calm. I wasn’t loud, but my voice carried in the snowy stillness and into the moon-bright night, “I won’t cross. You can’t have me.”

It screamed at me again, eyes narrowing in an almost human expression of incredulity. Inside my clothes, my skin was hot from the anger coming from the not-deer, sweat trickling down my spine, but I planted my boots and fisted my hands and would not move. I could taste ice on my tongue, and I took a deep breath through my mouth, letting the cold soothe me.

Then, there was a sound. High pitched and clear, it came from somewhere in the woods or fields around us. It was sweet, and some of the heat of the not-deer’s anger seeped away from my skin. Its had flung around awkwardly towards the sound and it went back on all fours with a loud thud. It snorted and pawed the ground, but it hesitated. Then, the call came again, louder this time. With a final, angry look at me, it took off into the forest away from me and the road home.

I stood there on that road waiting, too afraid to cross, until I was sure that I couldn’t hear it crashing through the bushes anymore. Then I took off like a shot, snow be damned. I ran across the creek, my feet sliding as I took a sharp right onto the road that led to my house, down that road and up to my house. I ran straight in the front door, locked it behind me, and pounded up the steps to my room.

I texted Macey when I got my backpack off, but I knew it was going to be a long, sleepless night.

#fiction #stories #writing #horror #not deer #appalachia #creepy

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sockablock · 5 years

Note

For the fic giveaway: "I'm sorry... I have to do this." Prompt with Caleb and the M9 confronting Ikithon (maybe it doesn't go the way the party wanted *wink wink*)

“I…I am sorry,” Caleb whispers, and the flames rage above his head. There’s the cry of ash, of stinging soot, of tears turning to smoke as they fall.

“I have to…I have to do this,” he continues, “please, all of you, just run awa—”

“Bullshit!” Beauregard steps forward. Her foot snaps against a fallen beam. “Bullshit you do, Caleb, come back—”

“It’s not—” Fjord adds, then winces, throat strained, “—it’s not too late, I’m not upset—”

Behind them, a segment of the roof collapses. Splinters of charred wood erupt into the air, far off, down below, they can hear the guards approach.

Caleb doesn’t move. He barely even breathes.

The figure standing next to him lifts a hand. Long fingers, like gnarled ivory, rest upon his arm.

“Clean this up, Bren,” the figure murmurs. “I will wait for you at the manor.”

“Wait, you’re just leaving?” Beau spits out her words. The embers twirl around her face, though none as bright or angry as her eyes. “You really think he’ll just do what you say?”

“Beauregard, bitte—”

Trent Ikithon smiles. His grip on Caleb’s coat tightens.

“But I know that he will, Expositor. After all, he was a prized pupil. And his path to redemption has already begun, tonight.”

Below, the clanging of the Watch grow louder. Their cries are dimmed by the roaring blaze but slowly, surely, they start to surround the tower.

Soon, the Nein won’t be able to escape.

“Now clean this up,” Ikithon repeats. His hand lets go, he turns around, begins to step towards a glowing circle. Lines and lines of arcane glyphs cast a cool blue light against his skin.

Caleb swallows. It’s all he can manage.

“Lehrer…how would you like me do this?”

Ikithon’s robes billow in the night. Still, even now, they are spotless and pristine.

“I am in no rush to lose you again. No need to kill them, just ensure they do not follow.”

And his last words, before he disappears:

“Agiere schnell. Enttäusche mich nicht.”

Then a flash—he’s gone.

Caleb turns achingly towards the group, his teacher’s command ringing in his ears.

Not a single word of that had been magic. Somehow, this is the worst part of it all.

The Mighty Nein stare back at him, motionless. Caduceus is still sprawled across the floor, Jester doing all she can to shield his form. Fjord is half-standing, half-collapsed, searing red wounds scored deep into his flesh. Nott is at his side, of course, her eyes wide with disbelief, fingers trembling with betrayal.

Beauregard is shaking too. The ribbon tied around her staff quivers.

“Is he making you do this?” Her words are a hiss, her throat is dry and teeth pulled tight. “Caleb, tell me he made you do this.”

Another section of ceiling collapses.

Time is running out. His friends have to leave.

“Bitte,” he says instead, “you must go…”

“Not until you tell us why!” Her fist slams into a burning beam. “Not until you fucking explain—”

“But I…but I cannot,” he pleads, “not in a way that won’t put you at risk! Just…please, I implore you, all of you…just go, if you do not follow, you will not get hurt—”

Nott looks up.

“But what about you? Caleb, what are you going to do?”

He shuts his eyes.

They’re wet, despite the fire.

“I’ll do…do what I have to, I still remember—”

“What?!” Beau screams. “Caleb, what could you fucking remember that’d make you do all this?”

“I…I remember…”

…the colors of a carnival. Hiding in a crowd, seeing a magic soar beneath a tent. Riding a cart under open sky, sitting by a campfire with Nott at his side.

He remembers music at the Harvest Festival, remembers how before, Fjord couldn’t even throw a sack. He remembers the first time Yasha tried candied apples, remembers watching Jester destroy a game of strength. He remembers heading north, heading to a swamp, remembers fighting with Beau and making up. He remembers the fireworks at Hupperdook, remembers a timeless smile of the past, he remembers meeting Caduceus, he remembers sharing tea, remembers the journey home, then to the coast, then back, then to a world he’d never seen, and he remembers—of course he does—that at some point, along the way, he’d suddenly realized he didn’t want to leave—

He remembers the way Ikithon had looked when they’d finally stumbled into his chamber. He remembers the familiar glow of a beacon, the even-more familiar smile of his teacher. He’d remembered, in that instant, in that very second, this Archmage’s power, what was done to traitors, he’d remembered a time, long ago, in the Queen’s Cathedral, remembered making gambles, remembered saving everyone—

In that second, he’d realized he could save everyone—

His hands catch fire, as they’d done so a thousand times. His fingernails are still stained with sulfur.

“Leave,” he says, again, and takes a step forward. “Please, please, all of you, just go. I’ll be fine. It’ll…I’ll be fine.”

He tries for a smile. It doesn’t quite fit.

“I escaped once already, didn’t I?”

Beau moves closer, until a hand grabs her wrist.

It’s Nott. She turns back to stare, but the goblin is looking intently into Caleb’s eyes.

“You promise?” she whispers.

He tries again.

“You made a promise,” she says this time.

He feels himself nod—barely, but it’s there.

Jester glances between them both. She says, voice small amid the flames—

“If you don’t come back, Caleb, we will. We’ll always come back for you, alright?”

Beau whips around, “No, not alr—”

Fjord steadies himself with his sword.

He takes her other wrist.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

“What? No, Fjord, not you t—fuck, no!”

She shouts again as they pull her back, legs kicking out amid the smoke. And maybe it’s the anger, or the fury, or the fear, but she can’t seem to gather herself enough to fight, can’t seem to break free of their grasps. And writing, screaming, crying out into the air, she is dragged back, dragged along, with the rest, out of the chamber, out into the hall.

And, eventually, even she grows silent.

Starlight shines through a hole in the burning roof.

Caleb breathes in.

He’s not sure who breathes out.

And then, in the company of nothing but dying flames, he turns back around.

He steps into the circle.

—

Ko-fi link in bio✨ | Finished fic prompts right here! 💜 requests are CLOSED!

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achieveandhunt · 5 years

Text

live typing extra life 2019

warning: this a fucking LONG post. if you plan on reading it all, godspeed.

i typed all of this as it was happening on stream so this gets progressively less coherent as i grow more sleep deprived. prepare yourselves. i may or may not go off topic at some points

larry vehemently vomiting pure malic acid. we’re off to a great start

what the fuck the soggy ass popcorn in that ranch jesus christ

lindsay in the song from AH the musical. i love her so much

jeremy going YAAAAAAY after someone eats a cursed oreo

matt getting AGGRESSIVELY kissed by larry

“this kiss this kiss” before geoff and jack kiss

geoff “i’m from alabama” ramsey

THIS FUCKING RANCH SEGMENT HAS ME GAGGING

jeremy “the alcohol demon the whiskey goblin” dooley

alfredo “you wont believe what the white people did today” diaz

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS GET THAT DICK ESSENCE

wait why does it sound like wonderwall

they look like characters from the matrix

the speaking parts. make my teeth hurt

in conclusion: they weren’t kidding abt the tight pants

okay everyone get ready for eric soundboard spamming YEAH BABEY

“hi i’m from broadcast and i don’t want to be here” they represent themselves well

also, let’s take a second to appreciate broadcast here!! they have a really tough job and don’t get a ton of credit. lots of love to all of broadcast!!! you guys are awesome

i am: foreseeing problems with this eric sound board

which one is eric?? will the real eric please stand up?? was the real eric the one we found along the way??

“i’m... just really worried that i won’t ever find love-” “i really don’t care”

WHY DO THEY HAVE THAT ON THE SOUNDBOARD (what does that apply to? whatever it is you’re thinking of, but mostly “daddy wants some”)

ooh someone’s about to get a fReE tongue piercing from a pineapple

god dammit i went to the bathroom for thirty seconds and now they’re eating chad’s chest hair

owie the shock collar and belly slap look painful, but drinking natty light from a shoe? that’s a true punishment

“and this roast was brought to you by meundies”

ah yes what better way is there to end a segment than people throwing up

“man action” oh no

THROBERT MULVEINY

K A R B is blind in T W O of her eyes

“my last name is cottagecheese”

I HAVE A PIECE OF METAL SHOVED UP MY A S S

chris has somehow managed to lose 23 years of age and roughly 412 pounds

“just open throat like baby bird” who the fuck is writing this and why is it jeremy

jon. jon you’re breathing in adam’s ass fumes

a summary of this segment: ass and cottage cheese

BARB IS HERE I REPEAT BARB IS HERE

“to fitness” -starts choking-

final fitness coach: tad, here to workout your issues so they can beat you into submission

“will you buy my wet” well i don’t see that on the raffle items

we’re back folks & i’m loving this walk around segment

moonball wall and gavin&michael will soon be reunited can we get an F in the chat

jeremy getting a borderlands tattoo is very on brand

what’s extra life without a little satan

“starvation army, putting lead back into paint, increasing childhood obesity” people in chat: TAKE MY MONEY

chris “i’m doing a different hole” demarais

ah yes. the game we all play in hell: twister

nobody edit chris getting mustard shot down his throat. i’m scarred enough from the original clip

oh fuck. oh god. the mayo. oh god what the fuck is up with the misuse of condiments this year

this just in: a human soul costs roughly $12,700

D̷̯͑̆̈́͝Õ̸̲͎̥̬͈̬̙͕̲G̸̢̧̠͉͚̙̲̙̓̔̀̇S̷̥̀́͆̈́̇̀ ̶̣̞̗͚̬̭̖̦͇̈́̎̈́̿̓̈́͆̒̋D̷̙̟̩̫͉̺̐̊̚Ö̶̥́̋́̓ͅĜ̵̞̌͋̏̉̌̕͝͝S̵̤̹̣̫̮̻͛̍̑̕͝͝ ̷̧̨̞̙̥̟̜͍̉̍̑̏̇̀̾D̴̻̮̩̯͓͉̖͎̘͐̒͋̓̉͝ͅỎ̶̰͓̳̥͑̅͛͊̒͐͊͘̚G̵̩̻̦̥̠̃̔Ş̶̹͚̩̱͖̀͆͘ ̸̢̢͇̻͔̗̺̼͖̱̏̾̔̚D̴̨̨̫̙̃̾̋̾̆̓̓Ớ̷̡͓͎͊G̶̱̣̣̰̝̖̰̗̓͐̐̊͋̀͊̀̕͝Ş̷̩̺̬̖͙̺̟͗̈́͒͗̀̑́́̕͠ ̷̡͈̼̲͈̳̫̺̝̈́̋͌͗̒ͅD̸̨̬̞̪̗̘̄̑͆̿̈́͘͠͝O̸̡̡͇͕̻͎͍͉̅̌͗̄͌̑̉̔͂̎Ḡ̸͙̟̪̞̬̬͕͐̈̏S̶̝̪̼̮̠̜̭̳͖̘̑

urine: to help with aerodynamics

jon: maya, speak! maya: *the smallest arwoo*

today’s mvp: any dog. pick one. no matter which you pick, you’re right

how the fuck did blaine change back from satan so quickly

barb as a cat is... my new sleep paralysis demon

blaine: barbara speak! barbara: climate change is real

#dogsforkids

this just in: extra life killed my wifi

we’re back & kdin is in the business of killing people with spice. she is the spice queen

queue six thousand well-timed 1337 donations

HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLIN FROM WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY

hmm “questionable liquids” is very... questionable

trevor: oh there’s four of them! we all get to join in the Fuckkkk

“what’s your favorite kind of candy” “any meat”

i like pickles and i would rather rip my eyebrows off than drink the juice so i feel for trevor

the only thing worse than drinking apple cider vinegar is shooting it out of your nose

“can you feel the love tonight” “i used to and that’s the problem”

“flubs every word man” damn, really missed the chance to say captain hair

jeremy not being able to intentionally flub his words is so fucking funny

OK BOOMER

wow i can feel my blood pressure spike just watching these shots

Xavier Woods is here and he wants to know if it’s Christmas

miles doesn’t know what a question is

WHERE’S YOUR HAIR

oh no. oh no helping hands is next. everyone clear a splash zone

CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

miles bossing around chef mike is priceless

“you leave that fucking dough on the floor”

“you wanna slam your hands down on the table” *pizza sauce goes flying everywhere*

HOEDOWN HOEDOWN HOEDOWN jesus why do i keep doing that

“If Colin Mochrie is listening, I’ll see you here next year” OH FUCK YEAH

--- this is when i take a break so my soul can return to my body (aka i have work to turn in. college will never not be a pain in my ass) ---

oh god dammit i missed all of Always Open. fuck college who needs a medical degree

so... we have some very interesting things happening in family feud and i’m not sure if i like any of them

hmm. is now the time to get drunk

oily twist feels very... ominous

what do you mean you don’t remember gandalf having a taser in lord of the rings?

someone in the chat said “big stupid sleeping thing is what my parents called me in high school”

i think i’m blacking out what’s going on i don’t remember the past two hours

ah yes. voldemort and snape having a talk show together sounds exactly like something J.K. Rowling would make a spinoff book or show or porno of

can we just talk about how much shit chris has been doing this year? what a guy. what a dude

“coldy with voldy” actually means getting knocked the fuck out cold because you only got three hours of sleep last night and you don’t want to miss chef mike and lindsay cooking

this snape poem is summarized by one phrase: “that was terrible sit the fuck down” (sorry chris)

“let’s destroy a weasley” enter chad

fucking called it

“you smell poor” i need a caffeine drip

heh the wheel spins are at 69 heh nice

i’m a grown ass woman

welcome to a section called: we torture chad for your entertainment

“who wants us to kill weasley?” *massive cheers from the audience*

“wait weasley step away from the wideshot so i can masturbate to this later”

“i’m not gonna rub my eye mom”

oh they’re really gonna kill chad on stream huh

i felt that chest slap in my soul

i think i felt my own ribs crack

oh fucking

tumblr deleted my thoughts on the fanfic section

alright. fine. brief summary: my teeth are burning

my mom lindsay is on next and i’m so excited but i’m nearing the point of loopiness so things will go downhill dramatically from here

this is my fucking fourth extra life, you would think i’d be smart enough to sleep the night before

LINDSAY LINDSAY LINDSAY THAT’S MY MOM

JEREMY JEREMY JERE- wait a second... did jeremy get taller

oH CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE CHEF MIKE

i hope Xavier comes back next year because he’s funny as fuck

m y a t t

oh god the mcdonald’s shade i’m rolling

lindsay “who’s the chef here” jones

chef mike mentioned mayo and i involuntarily gagged

chef mike clowning the big mac. i’m crying

he made the right choice with ryan bc i’ve seen his cooking stream(s) and it’s nothing if not great content

i heARD A MICHAEL JONES

“lindsay you haven’t done anything but warm up cookies so far” “yeah and?? you’re welcome”

you know that classic snack. slightly warm oreos

JEREMY THE LIQUOR GOBLIN DOOLEY IS BACK

oh god him screeching across set is making me cry laughing

why does it remind me of trevor’s voice cracks in the one minecraft ep where they’re singing the lion king

the biggest spoon for the smallest shot glass

i just realized we’re not even halfway through yet and i’m scared for the length of this list i’m gonna end up falling asleep involuntarily at some point

lindsay no your teeth are going to errode from that shot in your mouth

well timed leet donation #1829495

this gorden ramsey bit is so fucking good

jack: what do you think of the arugala? matt: i don’t even know what you said

iT’s NoT jUsT tWo CoOkIeS miCHeAL

jeremy and michael just chillin amidst the choas is exactly my demeanor at any party i’ve ever been to

lindsay scores: ryan = 7 because diet coke, matt = still eating lindsay’s meal so it’s a 10, xavier = also still eating it so it’s an 8. total: 25

“deep fry everything but a remote control”

chef mike scores: ryan = 9 for no death, matt = greens are present, words were said, score is 8. xavier = Gourmet Mcdonald’s, food is edible, score is 8. total: 25

oh fuck it’s a tie

now they fight to the death. death = doing as many shots as possible

i think we’re all going to need liver transplants after tonight

no jesus please don’t vomit oh goD oh fUc k please- oh thank god

okay i’m making a part two this is too much

#extra life 2019 #i’m going for full 24 hours this year #rooster teeth #achievement hunter #jeremy dooley #michael jones #lindsay jones #jack pattillo #geoff ramsey #gavin free #ryan haywood #matt bragg #alfredo diaz #trevor collins #fiona nova #i regret everything in my life that has led to this moment

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