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ladymirdan · 11 months

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I've had such an amazing day today.

I guess there is no secret that my interest in 40k has waned slightly recently.

I feel I get less and less comments on my posts/fics/art, despite getting a lot more followers (and with that, a lot more unhinged hate DMs) Ive started to feel like the hobby had lost that spark for me.

I've been into Warhammer for a loooong time.

I first got into the hobby (WH Fantasy) in 2003 and I was immediately hooked. I was blown away by how cool the worldbuilding was, but more importantly how friendly the community was.

My FLGS let me, a broke-ass student, sit and paint my army in store for literal hours on end. Always so happy to see me, despite me hardly ever buying anything. And let me tell you, I was a shy and awkward kid, and they always remembered my name and made me feel so welcome.

I haven't really engaged with Warhammer online until about a year and a half ago when I created my ao3 account. At first it seemed just as friendly as my offline experiences. But recently? I feel like I'm either ignored whenever I comment or try to interact with the community or worse, get told I suck or should go kill myself.

So I just felt it was time to maybe leave, (but I admit, the sunk cost makes it difficult) The only thing I really looked forward to was the minipainting classes I take once a week.

But today I got that magick feeling back. And remembered how much I love this hobby.

I went to my local GW for the new 10th edition 40k release. I’m a time pessimist as usual and arrived 1,5h early 😅 and found out there was only one other guy in line before me, but rather soon a bunch of other people showed up.

Everyone was sooo excited to be there and I made a bunch of new friends in line.

Then I got in and ordered my box (and I also managed to snag the special edition signed book that is a tie in with the box! That felt so much fun, I have never managed to get one of those before despite really trying).

I also got some of the new Death Guard Space Marine Heroes packs. A kid behind me in the queue also got some because he wanted a specific hero (that he unfortunately didn't get) I suggested I open my packs and see if I got one and then we could trade. I did get that model, and he was so excited and thankful, it really made my day since I didnt care that much for that particular model, but to him it was everything.

Everyone in the store was so hyped, and the mood was so great I didn't want to leave, so when I overheard some of the guys I hung out with in line ask if there was a mini of the month they could build, I tagged along.

The store staff was as amazing as always and brought out not only the mini of the month, but also three other models they still had in stock from previous months.

So I ended up building 4 minis in the store along with a bunch of other people.

I met a really nice couple that was pretty new to the hobby and they asked if I was excited for the new box because half of it was Ultramarines (I told them I love the Ultra boys, big chock 😅) but I explained that there was nothing Ultramarine specific in the box and one could paint them as any chapter they wanted.

And boy, they were amazed! They had no idea that all space marines are generic models and they were so curious about other chapters and I tried to explain that there was a chapter for pretty much anything and any colour.

The girl ended up really liking the Soul Drinkers and the guy was on the fence between Blood Angels and sticking to Ultramarines :D

So my advice to anyone else that feels like the hobby is toxic, or is tired of the “my army is soo much cooler then yours/everyone who likes this sucks”, please join the real world.

This hobby is soo amazing, and it is filled with so many happy, passionate people, all loving this weird little hobby.

Over 20+ years, a dozen or more game stores/clubs; I have never had a bad IRL experience with Warhammer. I really wish I could say the same thing about the online experience.

#warhammer 40k #40k #warhammer #hobby #real talk #leviathan #space marines

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flippythedoodle · 5 months

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hey can u give some tips for a beginner ambigrammist to refine her ambigrams and make the process easier?

i'll just put what ive learned from others and my own experience (i kinda put a lot so imma put it all under a read more)

1. you need to really know what letters look like

one of the talents an ambigrammist needs is to know the details of what makes a letter a letter, and what strengthens or weakens this reading. for example:

on the right are what i would say are very readable letters, almost instantly recognizable. on the left however are essentially the same letters, but missing the core elements of what makes them them. i recommend looking at fonts if you really want to fully understand, but as long as you know the glyphs, you can ambigram them!

additionally, there are so many other forms to choose from. we're all used to the simple, elementary alphabet we were taught, but there is a vast sea of different forms of letters you can try! things such as style, form, and mutations if done correctly will look cohesive in a design! experiment with cursive, square, fancy, blackletter, capitalization, italicization, the world is possible! for example, here are the many ways to write an r that i've collected:

14!!

14 for the LETTER R ALONE. the modifications may be subtle, but in the world of ambigramming where totally legible ambigrams are far and few between, every possible form counts bc you'll have more options at your disposal to choose from. as you see more ambigrams (and trust me, you probably will), you'll learn more about what's possible with them!

2. get feedback!!

the unique thing about ambigrams is theyre made to be seen by others, to be read and gawked at by onlookers, and so any outside feedback means the world to development. let family members, friends, preferreably people that mostly read normal words, try to read them, if they missed any letters, try and improve it. reiteration and tiny modifications help so much, even the tiniest of changes can help. sometimes we may be tunnel-visioned into thinking our ambigram is legible, because we know the word already, we see what it's supposed to look like. but when you get opinions from others, its almost like getting a new perspective, the ambigrammists equivalent of flipping a canvas. there are also communities dedicated to creating good ambigrams out there! (to name some, Ambigram Aficionados the discord server and ambigr.am the website, both of which are linked if you want :3)

3. know the methods!!

there are two main methods that ambigrammists "officially" recognize, downstroke matching, and shape matching

shape matching

this is the more freeform of the two methods, providing more space to do whatever, and thusly, maybe come up with either cool new stuff or bad new stuff. this matches "shapes" of letters, straight, curvy, half curve, spirally, etc etc. this one takes more experience to master, but if done well works wonderfully. heres an example with "greener"

(hey, look! weird R from earlier!)

downstroke matching

is one of the easier of the two, and most often than not yields the best results. in essence, letters are broken down into their vertical strokes, which are then "cut in half" and aligned to each other. this comes from the notion that people read the top parts of a letter more than its undersides. so, when flipping, all that crazy stuff that used to be on the top is now on the bottom, becoming flourishes and designs. this is kind of a precursor to shape matching, as if pretending all letters are squarish before actually taking into account their shape. an example with the word "Basket" would be:

this of course, has its downfall in curvy letters like b and o, as these have specific curves to follow, which may get lost in how strokes are made straight. i got lucky here with the e curving the same way the B would normally, but this isnt always the case.

the best ambigrammists tend to find a good balance between the two, making sure both form and style are as optimized as possible!

finally,

4. not all ambigrams are possible*.

*as a normal rotational

unfortunately, jojo, hello, uwu, and many more words aren't (currently) possible just because of how theyre built at words. so don't be disappointed if some seem impossible, because (like chloe *wink wink*) they might just be. you can then resort to different types of ambigrams, or different modifications!

here jojo works okay as a lake, uwu works perfectly and naturally as a mirror, and chloe and hello work as chain rotationals! another somewhat crucial element of making an ambigram work is flourishes. these help hide the modifications made to a letter, almost like camouflage, or even to hade a letter itself. here are some examples:

this one uses a curvy flourish for the hoops of the Ps, tiny dots for the i tittle and the Es midline, and a bit more flourishes to hide them like serifs and extra curves

this one turns a C into a drawing of a cockatoo! the flourish being the cockatoo, hiding the otherwise awkward C

this one's rather extreme, S and e being turned into flourishes. these are then surrounded by more flourishes to hide them, which works semi-okayly

thats all i think i know about ambigramming, i hope it was semi-useful!

(find me on ambigr.am at chump, and discord as shin_dig :3)

bonus resources: John Langdon (ambigram god)'s advice: https://www.johnlangdon.net/thoughts/advice-on-ambigrams/

Write Words Make Magic (who's also on here @writewordsmakemagic! makes much more in-depth videos on downstroke matching and ambigrams in general on youtube and tiktok)

#ambigram #art #calligraphy #digital art #my art #rotational #ambigrams

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pesterloglog · 5 months

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John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 6989-6990

JOHN: poor rose.

JOHN: she was always too brave for her own good.

JOHN: this is exactly what happened last time.

ROXY: last time?

JOHN: um.

JOHN: it was years ago.

JOHN: when jack killed our parents.

JOHN: and we tried to fight him but we weren't strong enough to face him yet.

JOHN: so he killed her.

JOHN: but at least that time...

JOHN: i could bring her back to life.

ROXY: how

JOHN: uh...

JOHN: just, like...

JOHN: using a certain method.

JOHN: that is not an option anymore.

ROXY: ...

JOHN: that's the weird thing about this for me.

JOHN: i'm sitting here, looking at my dead friend.

JOHN: and it's really sad.

JOHN: but at the same time...

JOHN: all of this has already happened before.

JOHN: the death and tragedy and stuff.

JOHN: getting painted into the corner of yet another unwinnable situation.

JOHN: it keeps happening.

JOHN: and i don't know how to stop it!

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: me neither

JOHN: but we can't give up, right?

JOHN: i mean, we've all been in worse situations and gotten out of those, right?

ROXY: er

ROXY: have we rly

JOHN: well...

JOHN: hm.

JOHN: no, i guess we haven't.

JOHN: i guess this like, may be quite literally the worst thing that's ever happened??

JOHN: i mean, not to put too fine a point on ranking shitty things.

JOHN: but this is about as unbelievably shitty as it gets.

JOHN: i keep thinking about what i could have done to...

JOHN: or what i STILL could do if only i...

JOHN: if somehow i could learn to control this...

JOHN: or like, even better understand this...

JOHN: this stupid, zappy, retconny...

JOHN: WHATEVER IT IS.

JOHN: bluh.

ROXY: john yo

ROXY: chill

JOHN: chill?

ROXY: yes

ROXY: maybe we should try to like

ROXY: not worry about shit so much anymore

JOHN: why not?

JOHN: there are so many problems!

ROXY: i know

ROXY: i know all about the problems

ROXY: and we are both way brave and all

ROXY: im sure between us we proved that hella many times already

ROXY: but man

ROXY: i never wanted anything more than to meet my mom

ROXY: to meet rose i mean

ROXY: and to just

ROXY: be with her and talk

ROXY: and try to understand this bond i felt like we always had without ever knowin each other

ROXY: i kept getting so close

ROXY: dreamin about her...

ROXY: wakin up too soon...

ROXY: and finally

ROXY: the last time i woke up

ROXY: was just in time to see her die

ROXY: its like

ROXY: the witch was holding out just long enough for the dream to feel like a real possibility

ROXY: before taking it away

ROXY: then u take that ultrasad thing

ROXY: and pile on all the other brutal manure raining down on this epic shit charade

ROXY: and ive got to say john

ROXY: this is starting to feel an awful lot like the end

JOHN: the end?

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: whatever the end of the road feels like

ROXY: has gotta feel like this

ROXY: maybe we should just

ROXY: admit to ourselves this is probably what its like when you find yourself in a timeline where everything went wrong

ROXY: and you know it means youre doomed

ROXY: and the only thing left to do is face the fact you have to ride it out into nothingness

ROXY: stop worryin so much

ROXY: and try to let it go

JOHN: you mean, like.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: what do you mean?

ROXY: i mean

ROXY: accept that we lost

ROXY: admit that the people we wanted to be with

ROXY: the life we always wanted

ROXY: it was never gonna happen

ROXY: except maybe in the afterlife

ROXY: our friends are there

ROXY: callies there

ROXY: my mom is there

ROXY: why shouldnt we be there too

ROXY: why not just

ROXY: let the doomed timeline work its gloomy majyyks

ROXY: and slip away into nothing with the rest of this mess

JOHN: ...

#homestuck #john egbert #roxy lalonde #homestuck act 6 #page 6989 #page 6990 #homestuck act 6 act 6 #homestuck act 6 act 6 intermission 4

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pocketstoriesstore · 9 months

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SOUNDS FAIR -Part II

Summary: You’re visiting your best friend for a while, when you get to know about someone’s existence. And everything start to change in you life.

Please +18!! (cigarettes, alcohol, wounds, suffering, bad memories.)

Hey there. Sorry for my choice of words, I’m from BR and I love to write, but I write in Portuguese 🤭 this time I decided to do different so here we are. I hope you like this piece of story. This is the part two of “Souds fair”. Hope y’all like it.

—————————————————————————

And that was everything you could remember clearly since the fall you suffered when you stepped behind twice just to squeeze your left foot on a puddle of something that looked like alcohol on the floor.

Embarrassed by the hot guy. Congratz.

And then, slapping your right hand on the whiskey bootle and sending it directly to the same piece of the floor which you decided to use the same hand to support your body weight on the fall, you got your hand skin hurt in so many large and deep wounds you couldn’t count.

Everything happened in less than three seconds and that was so incredibly painful that you… well, started to cry and curse so many things you didn’t remember knowing, letting every costumer curious and worried, some of them even disposing to help you out.

Leon was sharp cutting every chaos off while he shouted: “ All of you, chill out. Ill fix her hand NOW, dont worry.” While everyone stared, he proceeded: “About the bottle, it was my fault. ‘Think I scared her when I came in without a sound. Be righ back with her and ill fix that too, Sebastian. Now, yall just chill out, she’ll freak out like that! I actually am!”

He managed to put you up, tying your hand with the fabric of his sleeve to stank the waterfall of blood you were loosing in that moment, when you shouted out at his firm touch to hold the fabric without tying it on your wounded skin. he said in the most soft voice you’ve heard from him ‘til now, sounding like that one was just for you: “i know it hurts, but i need you to close your hand like this. It will help until we get you into the hospital. You think you can do this for me, hon?” You just agreed with your head while lost deep in his eyes, thinking about the possibility of one of those big pieces of glass had fucked up your artistic hands movings for good, but that wasn’t a good time to think of it.

He took you to his bike and helped you out to hang in it, making sure you were safe while he went to take his helmet in a few seconds and gave it to you.

You both got into the hospital very fast, even for yourself who was dying in pain. You tried your best to hold tight on his strong abs with barely one hand while he runned the fuck off on the highway as if his own mother were in danger.

When you got inside the hospital (finally), he sat you on any chair and then he showed to the nurses something in the interface of his wallet, making everyone move really fast to attend to you.

Was those rumors about him to be a cop or something true, then, huh?

Seconds later you got someone picking your wrist and hand with anesthesia and suturing your wounds, while you kept looking every single detail of glass being taken off of the wholes in your hand and blood pouring out frenetically.

L: You don’t feel even weird seeing those gore things, huh? You’re a brick.

Y: You didn’t expect me going through all the childish tears i let roll today, did you? Ive been worst

L: Worst than bleeding is bad.

Y: You wouldn’t believe. How did we get here so fast? You might be important. Thanks anyway.

L: Not that important, but if I have something on my favor against all the mess I’m in, then ill like to use it.

With a scoff you giggle and say:

Y: What could be wrong about you?

He stares at you when its too late to find out you SAID something. You feel your face burn and immediately try to fix things a little bit, but already afraid it’s REALLY too late.

Y: I mean, when i look at you it seems like you made yourself without loosing a step. It seems like you know exactly how or when to take a step, or to fix things, or how to make people to do whatever you say. It was kind of easy to obey you until now.

L: Are you supposing you’re going to be reckless now that you’re hand is almost in one piece?

You both laugh, you always with ghost of tears in your eyes, when one traitor tear find a way to scape from your eye and roll your face down. It was really weird and stressful to be there, to get a fucked up hand now, to be safe by a hot stranger who picked out your hidden conversation about him with your best friend, but something over all that seemed so right.

Finding real worry about you in his eyes made you feel so fulfilled, grateful and something else, and two seconds after you started to cry again, cleaning the tears from your face with your elbow, ashamed about not being even capable of holding it inside your eyes. Mess. Bricks don’t cry. Ever.

His smile despaired almost immediately, then he was on his knees beside you, confused about what made you cry this time but trying his best to not mess things even more: “Hey! Hey, its ok. Does it still hurt?” He reached out for your free hand, holded it with his soft but strong tate, caressing your knuckles while talking in almost a shushing: “We’re almost there, please, hold on.”

You couldn’t just tell him what was that, so you decided to agree with your head again, half laughing your best sympathetic smile, when he surprised you letting out of your hand softly to roll his thumbs across your cheeks. “Look, It’s all fine already. lets get you home and pretend this is a great day and we can try to buy you a new hand if you’re up to.”

You both laugh again, you take your ass out of the chair, say thanks to everyone who took care of you as you leave the hospital.

Fresh air in the face, hand almost fixed.

When you’re outside and your phone works again, turned out that Elizabeth tried to call you eleven times and left lots of messages saying you left your keys of her apartment on the bar, and it was too late to wake her parents up.

Even in the rules of the building it was impossible trying to enter like a visitor at three A.m.

You were homeless, now.

L: What?

Y: Im homeless now. Do you want to spend four hours walking around? Because I don’t have a place to come back till seven o’clock. What do you say?

L: I say you may be homeless but I’m not. Its cold here and you’re already lucky enough for today. Lets go to my house.

You just nod. It was still easy to obey that cop.

You followed him inside his apartment. It was clean and half have anything hanging on the walls. Everything looked so cold and square, but in a good way. You stared him while he took his shoes off, you did the same when he says: “You can pretend this is your own house, don’t need to do exactly what i do. Only if you want to.”

Y: “Got it. Do you have coffee here? I can prepare, if you drink too.”

L: “Not about to try to rest even a little bit? You can use my bed, actually. Im not a bit tired.”

Y: “I guess sleeping now would make me a potential serial killer. How could I sleep? Not even if i was a chill person.”

L: “Let’s make coffee, then.”

Y: “Can you talk to me while I do it? It’ll feel more comfortable for me to be so used to your house as if it was mine if you talk.”

L: “What do you wanna hear about? My real name? My job which makes me an important person for the government security, my wife who doesn’t exists, or why I keep going to your friends bar alone late night almost everyday and talk to no one?”

Y: “How much did you hear? Are you spy? Because I would never know you’ve been there hiding if you didn’t tell me. I want to know all. And your “real” name too, please, weirdo.”

L: “My name is Leon S. Kennedy. Im on a short vacation, so I decided do stay here for a while to get away from the job. Which means we’re not up to talk about this, BUT you’re safe with me.”

Your heart pounds on your throat and your cheeks burns at this part. Is it ok to feel like this with an stranger? He could be really dangerous, cmon.

He goes on:”I don’t have a wife, or anything like that. I had some but this is it. Im here to try to clean my mind as much as i can, so i talk to important people to me just by the phone and I guess things works kinda good this way.”

You turn around: “…And?”

L:”Aaaand I just told you too much. I’m afraid to put you in danger if I keep talking and talking. I don’t think I have so much mo-

You cut him off: “ Are you running from something? Because it feels like you’re hiding from the ones you apparently like. What happened?”

He looks confused and admired while you make coffee with one hand, always watching out so you wouldn’t get burned with hot water. And you noticed that all along.

L: “I know I may look like this, but they know more than myself I need all this, most of the things I’ve been through, we were kinda together. Our job is really messy and sometimes we just need to disappear and pretend we’re another person with another life.”

You stare at him two seconds, offering him a cup of fresh and hot coffee: “Seems really messy, cop. I’m sorry for all that. Is it working? I mean, this time here, and all.”

L : “Well, more than I thought. I got myself owning a new hand to someone I just know, whose name I found out in the hospital because she didn’t tell me…“

Y: “OMG! I’m so sorry!”-He laughs loud and you keep talking, starting to laugh and pretending to feel hurt in your feelings “ I was bleeding, please be nice and forgive me. I think I was so worried about to discover your personal informations that I didn’t realize you would care if I do have a name too.”

L: Of corse I’d do. Nobody ever made me coffee with one hand before, I’d never felt this special. Why did you want to know all this? It was just to tell Elizabeth?

His voice fits his humor so well. But he seemed so triggered by the doubt.

Y: “I chased for a reason, at first, so I blamed her. But I don’t feel like telling her anything you told me. The informations are mine too, now. Im not the kind of sharing so many things.“

He laughed while stared for a moment deeply inside your eyes, again. You must be wrong, but you swear you could feel his eyes along all your existence while you were preparing coffee with your back turned to him. He offers you a cigarette, you take it and say: “Thank you so much for this day. If I knew a broken hand would make me know nice people like you I’d break a member a day at least.”

He just stared with a kind of a smile growing on his mouth when you said: “ Can I thank you properly?”

Suspicious and curious at the same time, he said: “Well, you don’t have to worry about i-“

You approached and hugged him softly. And he hugged you back, and the hug became tighter and warm.

There was something terribly uncontrollable growing inside of you and you both kept like that for a while.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy fanfic #resident evil jill #leon x reader #leon scott kennedy #fanfic #leon fanfic

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mikomikono · 10 months

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hi miko! im here with a fic writing question… i was thinking about how to make smut good bc recently i feel like whenever i get to the smut part of the fic im writing i get super bored, like im just rehashing whatever ive been writing in every smut scene ive done for years. you and endles came to mind bc i always find your guys nsfw scenes really compelling, and great, and unique. while also being hot and fun (very important w smut!!) so i wanted to ask if you had any tips for keeping things exciting or fresh when you are tackling those scenes! especially because you guys have experience writing the same characters many times over and manage to be so creative and distinct with every scene ive read from you. so, i guess, penny for your thoughts, if you feel like it! (sorry for sending this only to you and asking for both your opinions, it was the simplest 😭. if u want to answer yourself only thats fine haha)

❤️

Heyyyy oh my god I never expected to become someone ppl would come to for writing advice, what an honour 💖 also, I hope you don't mind me answering publicly, bc I feel like this is something a lit of writers struggle with! I will put it under a cut tho, bc I ended up writing quite a bit oops

So. Smut. It's kinda funny you should ask me about that, bc the first proper sex scene I ever wrote was last year for Steamship Sexcapades (bc I am not counting that one feeble attempt at 19 that was so cringe that I hid it away and didn't even think about trying again for like 8 yrs) but I suppose after writing *checks The Canon word count* a lot since then means something :DD

Here's the thing: I also feel like I'm rehashing things. Constantly. There's only so many ways you can say "cock in hole ➡️ thrust" before you're gonna have to repeat some phrases. And honestly, I feel like I repeat phrases remarkably often! But in a way that's all writing! (or that's how I stop myself from getting too depressed about it lol) The readers don't notice! Usually. And as long as you don't use the exact same wording every single time.

Ok, so here's a few tips on what I, personally, think you need to make a good sex scene:

Don't be afraid of the words. Y'know, the first time I wrote "half-hard cock" I (allegedly) had to take a 10min break and texted a friend that I was not going to be able to do this. But after a while you sort of get used to it and the words that seemed embarrassing stop being that, and become just... Words. And you also shouldn't shy away from more "cringe" words! Sometimes its fun to be a little cringe!

Related, you should try to love the words. But that's just good general writing advice, I feel.

Describe the emotions. Most people feel... something towards those they are intimate with, and that should be true in erotica too. It should be especially true in erotica, I think! Even if it's a one night stand, strangers who met in the club 5mins ago, whatever... You want the characters to feel.

Don't forget the physical. This is a thing that might seem a bit... weird. Like, you're writing sex, how could it not be physical? But what I mean is that you shouldn't forget to describe how it feels to the people involved, most notably your POV character. It's very easy to get lost in describing what they're doing and completely forget to get into the actual feeling. You're not writing a sex manual! And I have read fics where half way through I realise that's what it sounds like.

It's never just about the sex. Even if you think it is, it's not. It's about the connection, the narrative, the characterisation... It's about showing something that you can only show through the kind of vulnerable intimacy that sex scenes provide. Even if it's a oneshot pwp, it still has something to say. Maybe that something is wanting to get your rocks off, but also we're talking about fanfiction... We don't read and write that just to get off. It's always about the characters.

Rehashing is fine, actually. As I said, there's only so many ways to describe certain things, and so many ways you can have sex. Except that's not really true, because the secret to keeping it fresh is mixing it up! You can change positions, you can change who's the top/bottom, you can add foreplay (you should) and then change what kind of foreplay you wanna have! You can look into kinks! You can change locations! (I know we've done that a lot) You can add or remove any number of things to make each individual encounter different! And that's the key: repetition is fine, so long as you don't use the exact same everything every time. Case in point, there is a tumblr post which I would link except I'm on mobile, that is titled sth like "list of vocal sounds for smut", which has a list of, well, sounds/verbs (moan, groan, hiss, whimper, whisper etc) and adjectives that could be paired with them (hoarse, needy, quiet, throaty, desperate, wanton etc). The point is, that the best way to keep from sounding repetitive is to mix and match the words so that even if you say "groan" five times in 5k words, it's a different kind of groan every time. The same applies to sex acts! Do you have any idea how much cock Ryunosuke has sucked during The Canon? A lot. But it doesn't feel repetitive (hopefully) because everything else around it is switched up.

And perhaps most importantly: you gotta be at least a little horny for it yourself. I get it, man, writing smut is weird. You sit in front of your computer, staring at the monitor like "hmm is it better to use the word cock or dick or member?" And like... That's not very sexy. But! But!!! At the end of the day you gotta write something that makes you excited! Otherwise what's the point? Why are you writing if it doesn't fulfill you on some level??

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. If you want more specific help with writing, you can always DM me, I don't mind~

Also, endles says she is too mentally exhausted to properly answer, but she seconds everything I said, especially the point about loving the words. Actually she really wants to say sth about that, so I'm paraphrasing her for the rest of this:

You, as a writer, should love language. You should love the neat little things that language can do and seek out new things to try every time. It's a journey of discovery! Just like sex is always a new journey, even if it's the same characters and the same sex acts, every individual time is a chance to find something new. Let yourself have fun! Write something really stupid and work from that. The way I create scenes by writing jokes, even for serious scenes, because sex at the core is kinda funny. You're standing naked (at least partially) in front of this other naked person and it makes you feel a bit funny.

Also concrete advice: pick a list of 5-10 words you want to use. They can be anything, verbs, nouns, adjectives, as long as you really, really vibe with them, because they make you happy, as long as they're not words you already use a lot. They can also all relate to the same theme if you want! And then find a way to put all those words in.

#own post #fanfiction #smut #writing stuff #writing advice #i guess #answered #miko blogs omg #i hope this helped AT ALL #as i said feel free to send me a dm i would love to help you iron out any issues #or provide beta reading!#anyway #0139s

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mako-neexu · 1 year

Note

the chaldean is summoned during part 1 of fgo, so the guda of your pick now has 2 romanis to deal with .

Though I don’t like calling the Chaldean as Romani Archaman, it never hurt to have romance between them :p and ive been meaning to try that out, so thank you!

------

If you ask Ritsuka how in the world this happened, she would rather merge with the floor than even mention it.

“Foolish girl.” The one coiled around her like a warm scarf clicked his tongue, “If we do not discuss this matter entirely, I will be forced to destroy this base and take you back to our timeline.”

She sighed and tried to wriggle free from the intense golden stare and firm, scarred arms wrapped around her waist.

Looking up on the other side of her, her eyes softened over seeing protective emerald eyes and feeling gloved hands wrapped around her own.

“If you really are me,” Romani’s voice teetered on the edge of a growl, warning spilling past his lips, “You’d know that I would do anything but force her against her will to do something she doesn’t want.”

The grip on her tightened on both sides.

Ritsuka tugged on their sleeves, hoping they would pay attention to her. Seriously, this is getting annoying.

A smug grin grew on “Romani”’s face, “Oh, but she knows what she must do. After all, the World forced to give her the memories of her future self to prevent the disaster our former Master invoked upon this world.”

And that was the problem.

She felt like two different people in one body. Yet, at the same time, she felt the same! It was weird, yet that “future her” felt as if it truly belonged to her. Like finding another section of the puzzle piece and completing it.

And now, she knows what to do. And now, it was her problem. Her problem, not from her future self.

“The Ritsuka in the future may belong to you. But the present Ritsuka is mine.” Romani’s gaze darkened, her heart skipping a beat over seeing the normally kind and smiling man being possessive over her.

She glanced at Da Vinci, who was only recording the whole debacle with amusement.

Ritsuka rolled her eyes. Seriously, where were her friends when she needed them the most?

She suddenly wrenched herself out of their grip, the shock of it allowing her to distance herself and call upon one of the many “Shadow Servants” in her roster. Jing Ke and Emiya Alter were summoned in an instant, poised to protect her.

While she was still irritated and a little angry, her soft heart couldn’t bear to see the look of hurt in both of their faces.

“I said I need time, you guys. I just witnessed hundreds of years of suffering ten minutes ago and you wouldn’t even let me think this through!” Ritsuka - the present - has never been like this. Amber eyes of steel, firm and foolhardy yet still very human. Her future self has lost and gained so much she wondered how she still managed to retain feelings that were very much human even though parts of her were no longer considered to be one.

At least, to the naked eye.

She sighed and let the Servants disappear, before going to close the gap between them.

Ritsuka pulled them into a hug, both men leaning down against her shoulder due to how tall they were.

God, some things never change, huh? She teared up at the thought, knowing what her present Romani will do in the near future.

She turned to her Romani from the future and looked at him in the eye with what she used to- future her used to do, “We have a lot to talk about if we’re going to prevent that disaster from occurring, but I need a little time to think about some things.”

His golden eyes went downcast along with a sigh of his own, “Of course,” He whispers, then leans in to kiss her forehead, the strange familiarity of it washing over her, “My apologies. It… has certainly been a long time since I last-”

A loud cough breaks them out of their little bubble.

She smiles and pinches her Chaldean’s cheek, “You smell like ash and jungle, Isha. Get out of here and shower.”

He groans before reluctantly leaving the command room.

As for her Romani, she didn’t hesitate to take both of his hands and tug him forwards so she could bury her face in his toned chest.

One part of her- her future self cried and trembled over such a simple touch and one part of her- her, her felt like the touch was just something they did everyday, something sweet and loving that she felt nothing but normalcy.

“Ritsuka…” He whispered, shakiness evident in his voice. The Master already knows what he’s going to say, so she beats him to it. Pulling away slightly, she cupped his cheek, “He’s right about me knowing what I need to do, but what he doesn’t know is that, in the end, I’ll always choose my present.” My time with you, and you alone.

Skipping three year’s worth of memories just to go and prevent the Ordeal Calls from barring Novum Chaldea in their path towards Chaldeas isn’t worth it.

The doctor squeezes her hand and bites his lower lip, “But earth- the world-”

“-Can wait.” She interrupts and finishes the sentence for him. Yes, the bleaching will be bad. Yes, they would need to find Marisbury’s precise location again. Yes, it would be hard to break Chaldeas without suffering from another Cosmos in the Lostbelt-

Ritsuka smiles, eyes bright and hopeful.

“But one step at a time, okay?” The way awe twinkled in his eyes made her heart skip a few beats. Before her throat dried up, she continued, unwavering and determined, “We’ll figure out a way to solve this without me going away.”

This time, I’ll save you. I’ll save you—

He nuzzled at her palm, his love and adoration felt from his gaze alone, “Okay.” Soft yet bearing thousands of emotions- just like their love.

“After this is over, I’m taking you out for dinner. I feel like going to Italy to have a vacation there.” God, had she been her present-self alone, she’d never survive saying something so bold.

But, heck, seeing Romani blush and sputter in her embrace was worth it. “W-Wha-!? I-I’m the one who’s supposed to ask you- Oh, geez,” The way he gave up and half-slumped against her made her giggle.

She missed up. Oh god, she missed him.

Her hand against his cheek was taken in his hold, and warm lips once more grazed against her fingers. Excitement and love lit his green gaze, “I’ll be sure to bring a ring then.”

Ah-

It was her turn to sputter and blush like a ripe tomato.

Change or not, she was still her embarrassing, girly self. The experiences of her future self just made her feel just a tiny bit confident.

#romaguda #i wrote this in one goooo omggg #fgo #fate grand order #romani archaman #gudako #fujimaru ritsuka #ritsuka fujimaru #chaldean #man of chaldea

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theidiottoast · 14 days

Text

Suspicion.....

It was Sunday afternoon at the broomstown Andi is walking around the park looking for a quiet and calm place..and also walking around the town to get a better know..many vehicles pass by as usual

Andi then stare at the morning sky lost in thought after arrive at this..town.....he met poli..few days ago..he was a nice fella...and polite..at the same time..he really interested about his..team... wondering Will he be met them..one day...

At the same time of that Peter and Jhonny just arrived at the park as the both children began to talk as usual...

"you know? Super dragon is the best comic that i ever read you know!"Peter grinned

"yeah yeah...i know you talk about it Twice Peter"Jhonny added as the two Friends began to talk...

Andi on the other hand look around the park..there..is..full..life here..many children come to play' with their friends...and some adult is read a newspaper...some of them...it was full of life here...he then take his pen and notebook and began to write down his journal as usual....

-journal entry 2

"today is Sunday IM In a park many people had doing various things around here...now where should i start..?..ah yes...for the past few days Ive Been walking around this town...my parents as usual they were busy at their work...they probably head. Back home by tomorrow morning so..i once again left alone..but...i take this as an Chance to.. walking around the town to get know..about its history..or...simply head to the library..."-andi

-journal entry 2 end

---------------------------------------------

As Peter and Jhonny talk as usual Peter noticed a Andi presence who is writing down at his journal he seem to be unotice by Peter and Jhonny presence because he was busy to writing down at his journal..but..the blond hair boy feeling something off.. about..the blue hair kid...

"Peter..?..what's wrong you okay?"Jhonny Asked which caught Peter attention and snapped at his thought

"ah..?..y-yeah IM fine..just.."Peter stated his voice began to low..as he stared at Andi..who is writing down at his journal unotice by Peter stared..

"what?"Jhonny said as he look at the direction that his friend were staring at and noticing Andi who were writing down at his journal unotice that he was now Viewed by the duo

Peter expression began to change as he stared at Andi while Jhonny remain skecptical and try to think a positive

"who is he?"Asked Jhonny finally break the silence between the two of them

"i dunno..but i felt sometime off about him..its seen..he was not from this town, i never seen him before"Peter said suspiciusly as he examinated Andi

"Maybe he was just moved from this town"said Jhonny try to thinking positive

"i don't know..but..i really Suspicious about him..."added Peter who is even more suspicius

"come on maybe he was new around here we shouldn't judge people by its cover!"said jhonny

"but he was suspicius..i think we should be more carefull when he was around....."Peter said in a serious tone

----------------------------------------------

Andi just finished writing down at his journal as he closed his notebook..but then something caught his attention...as he turn around he see two boy one were having blone hair and the other is with brown hair..and a bit..chubby...and it seem the two was around 11-12 year old ...and the two children was noticing Andi were now looking at them..his expression is cold..and stoic as he stared at the two kids...

"its something wrong?"Andi Asked with a calm tone at the two kids

Peter and Jhonny were suprised at Andi tone..Peter wasted no time as he grabbed Jhonny hand and began to pull his friend Away from andi

"woa-!! H-hey!!! Peter slow down!!"Jhonny exclaim suprised and also confused at the same time as Peter began to dragged him away as the both of them leave the park..

Leaving Andi were a bit confused at the two kids but then he began to shrugged it off

"what a weird kids..."Andi thought as he began to walking to look around the town....also leaving the park...

#robocar poli #oc #andi #peter #jhonny

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celestie0 · 2 months

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ellie did you hear about the solar storm thing thats been going around?

my friend gave me a detailed explanation abt what it is whats going to happen n all n honestly i am TERRIFIED.

like it genuinely seems so real that i cant even convince myself that this is another one of those silly things that go around each year

the fact that research for this solar storm has been going on since 2019 is ???? scary ????

makes it seem more believable tbh bc if it was not real it wouldn't have been going on for so long

IM SO SCARED 😭 genuinely cried when my friend was telling me ab this and she also said thwt we'll get to know ab when the solar storm is going to hit about 30 minutes before AND NOW IM PARANOID BC IT CAN HIT ANY MOMENT NOOOOO

and to top this off my mother told me that not many ppl will survive till 2027 i have no idea where she got that from but she scared me even more

this is so bad.

hii my love yess ive heard of the solar storm, i know that solar flares in general have been talked about a lot for a while now but i didn’t know that there was recent news about it!

i’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety regarding it :””( yeahh ive heard that solar flares are near impossible to predict in advance for a lot of reasons, so that can definitely heighten the fear

hm idk if it makes you feel better but i remember nasa n other news outlets were talking about solar storms the exact same way about a year ago (i just remember telling my dad ab it cuz he works in aerospace n figured his company might’ve been discussing it) but nothing happened at all within the six month period that the news had been freaking out about LOL. i panicked a lot then too n my dad said it was just fear mongering lmfaoo 💀 (he’s kind of a cynic though haha) but yea i just bring this up because it’s not the first time this sort of news has been sensationalized

following any sort of space stuff can be scary for sure n it’s super easy to get lost in article rabbit holes that can really disrupt your quality of life in the present :( but i think there have been multiple instances of space phenomena that have been hyped up in media (even by a lot of reputable news outlets) that have not really affected daily life as much as it was thought to (like the never ending cycle of news about new asteroids, the whole aliens thing, etc)

i think it’s important to remember that the scientists that are actually behind the research are completely different entities than the people writing up articles about it online, so you always have to take the news with a grain of salt or maybe try to look into accounts from the actual researchers behind the findings (who, more often than not i’ve found, don’t even panic about their own research to the level of extent a lot of media ppl do online haha)

i’m not saying i don’t believe in the possibility of a solar storm or anything like that lol i just think there’s a lot of tendency in news these days to scare tf outta people for no reason

also correct me if im wrong but the largest danger of a solar storm would be disruption of radio & internet frequencies right? i thought they werent actually powerful enough to cause any sort of biological radiation harm ;0 loss of internet access would definitely be a weird thing to see and could put stress on more developed countries, but a lot of the world doesnt even have internet access to begin with so i’m not sure how much it will actually affect livelihood (i’m aware that it’d affect a LOT of things for sure, but i’m talking ab dangers like life or death situations, n i just cant imagine that being the case? but if you’ve looked into that more than i have n have more to share then lemme know i’m really curious)

sorry, im just bringing this all up in hopes it helps w your fears, n not to invalidate them! bc i totally get it, it’s scary stuff esp when it’s stuff you feel like you have no control over. but there’s a lot of things in life we have no control over, i think it’s best to just focus on what we can control n just try to enjoy today :)

thank u for ask bb <3

#asks

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uter-us · 3 months

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So, this is going to be long but I have a couple of questions and you are so eloquent Ive been waiting to find a radblr as level headed to come to abt this. Essentially in the more recent past I engaged with sex and sexual content for for lack of better explanation just sexual issues from childhood and whatnot and I have been trying so incredibly hard to disengage from anything like those bdsm type situations and relationships. I stopped watching porn, even softcore gif type of stuff and I completely stopped shaving a little over a year ago to distance myself entirely from the sort of young girl fetish. But, no matter what I say or how logical I phrase it (or having actually experienced this dynamic with a man) my friends seem to think things like CNC and other bdsm kinks are okay and help people cope. Which I also thought until I acted on it with men and I realized I was dealing with very sick people who got off on my fear and pain and WILL violate trust in small ways until they're too big to ignore. And what can you do but endure what you've been begging for and participating in? I try and negate the blame because I was young (and sidenote: from the age of 11 or so constantly seeing porn and anime hentai and just weird sexual things so easy to find I feel like I almost never had a chance with my predispositions, but still I chose to engage and so many positivity posts for like ddlg and shit like that were EVERYWHERE when I was a teen, most girls I knew saying they are making OFs as soon as they graduate and just no escape of sex in that way) and inexperienced and a heavy alcoholic along with experimenting with drugs for the first time in my life but I'm still sickened by myself. And the worst part was that I did chose it, and sometimes wanted to go farther than I could handle just out of my own intense self destructiveness and trying to awaken memories I had locked away as a sort of control over my mind but all I did was have new memories to lock away and three years of finding myself and fighting so hard to stop drinking about it. I just want to get through to them so they don't go through the same hurt that I did, especially because a friend I'm thinking of specifically went through much more horrific sexual traumas than I and I don't want her to be lost in it a new kind. Do you have any suggestions? Or even articles or reading that I could show her? I try to pepper in screenshots of radfem posts I see acknowledging it but she is very very Barbie movie liberal feminist. Idk. I just don't want her to go through the guilt and the shame and the horror anew after what she's been through after I did and i don't want her to think I'm attacking her because I know I sometimes come across as aggressive when I'm feeling passionate. I'm just so frustrated and I feel like when I make a very valid point trying to be as neutral emotionally as I can it always comes back to "people can cope however they want" and I know this is kinda repetitive lol but like yeah they can. But you're digging your own emotional grave and I know because I've done that already!!! I feel like a crazed hag yelling on top of a soap box on the roadside when I just want these young women to understand that you don't gain power by throwing yours in the toilet!!!

Thank u reading if u take the time I know this is kind of heavy but I would really appreciate feedback if u feel up to it 💛

hey I'm glad you reached out. everything you said sounds and is incredibly distressing. I can empathize with a lot of what you said; I think we've had similar experiences, and also have similar fears for our friends. you're a really kind person to want to look our for your friends, and I'd definitely like to be able to help you as best i can. I want to preface this though by (and I'm sure you've heard this before but I'll never stop saying it!!) you're not to blame, and you should never feel "sickened by yourself" :( these types of things are awful and complicated, but the fault here is never yours. ♡

suggestions on explaining

sometimes it's easier to instead of sending your friends all of the links, to maybe space it out a bit and (in whatever words you'd use,) be like "hey look what I've been reading" and maybe send the link, and (something I've done is) take maybe 1-2 screenshots of the most important parts of the article, and then also use a highlight tool to mark out 1-3 phrases from each screenshot. ideally, they'd just read the full article (and depending on how your friends are they might!) but at least this way you can ensure they won't zone out on really integral parts, and/or this way they can read the integral parts twice yk? this is j a suggestion on how to give the information, but you can give it however is best for your friends to get it!

i also understand that you've had these experiences, and I don't know if it was hard or easy to come to terms w the reality of bdsm/ddlg/cnc/etc, but for some people its especially difficult. i dont know if your friends have engaged in these things (or if youre aware they have), but "sex positivity" and "don't kink shame" is (as I'm sure you're well aware!) such a huge part of libfem ideology :/ it sucks because that makes it very hard to unlearn. and so, if any of these people you're talking to have had these types of experiences, that could make bdsm-related stuff even harder to unlearn only because (I'm referencing the one specific friend u were talking abt), if she's set on it being a "coping mechanism," it might be like that for her (or she's thinking/justifying trying it in the future). (if that doesn't apply to her, then anyone else you discuss this w it might apply to ! at least this is how it goes ime so it depends).

additionally, depending on how libfem they are, it honestly might serve both of yall better to refer to all of this w unisex words/pronouns, only cuz if your number one goal is their safety regarding this type of thing, i think the fact that the dominant/aggressive role or cnc perpetrator is mostly male, and that the submissive/subservient role or cnc victim is generally female, is a seperate conversation. they might be more open to it that way, but use your best judgement! (once they better understand, a follow up topic could be about why the same group of majority rapists irl (aka males) is the same group of majority cnc rapists in fantasies (aka males), but thats typically a seperate conversation)

OF/porn part

okay so first to tackle the OF part. i know it was brief, but here are j some links j incase + some bdsm stuff but specific to porn

OnlyFans Is Not a Safe Platform for ‘Sex Work.’ It’s a Pimp.

OnlyFans is an experiment in mass grooming

OnlyFans is sex work and pornography — stop calling it ‘empowering’

OnlyFans is just another pimp-led pyramid scheme

"ethical" porn / trafficking personal experience (the "Consider Before Consuming" series is very informative, but a lot is graphic so be prepared)

Ex-Porn Performer Describes What BDSM and Abuse Porn Is Really Like

How Porn Played a Role In My Childhood Sexual Abuse || Barbi’s Story

Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star

What Led Me Into the Mainstream Porn Industry || Alia’s Story

bdsm - suggestions for explaining

now for the bdsm stuff. so for starters, something i hear 24/7 abt ddlg/cnc/etc related stuff is "its just a fantasy!" and i think an easy work around for that is j conceding that its a fantasy, and referring to them as "fantasies." i see a lot of feminists focus (imo) too much time trying to prove they arent just fantasies (and i get that in some scenarios which i will get to in a minute), but generally its just irrelevant. if someone was fantasizing about killing people, we would ofc be concerned. EVEN if that person never went on to kill anyone, it should STILL be of concern (including if they were getting aroused by the violence!). similarly to if someone was fantasizing about having sex w a daughter/kid figure or raping someone, we should be concerned. like if im against people pretending to rape others, and someone says "its just a fantasy," that is a worthless statement because i am literally against that too. i am anti rape fantasy too yk?

also if calling them "fantasies" doesn't feel right, you could also call them "situations they enact" or "situations they pretend to do," and you can even tag on at the end a "that they get aroused from." Depending on the context though, "fantasies" might actually do a disservice in that the term usually implies its just in the persons head, as opposed to something they are actively pretending to do to/with someone.

choking / strangulation

so for example, this work around goes out the window when the "fantasies" arent roles being played, and are instead actions like (the unfortunately common) "choking" or "breathplay" aka strangulation. it would be ridiculous to call this a fantasy or pretend when someone is legitimately blocking your airway and blood to your brain. "we cant consent to this" is a UK based group that (i believe?) started in opposition to the rough sex defense. i like this website because they have ample anecdotes (which the personal aspect can be more convincing for some), as well as actual information and statistics which shows the patterns of abuse. (theres more pages worth reading than j those 2 fyi!!)

this is actually another suggestion for explaining, but (especially for choking) its SO normalized that one of your friends might have even tried it on someone else, or (whats more likely still) one of their partners (specifcally bfs) could have done it to them. im saying this because its important that however you say it, its probably in yalls best interest to make it less of a moral judgement, and more like a "some people dont know this -- even the ones doing it -- but choking is actually dangerous!". if shes had a previous bf who she loved or even just liked, i imagine it would feel so hurtful so hear that what he's done is misogynistic or sadistic. i think something important ive had to learn and apply in my own life is gauging when to be more heavy on the feminist part, and when to be more heavy on the safety part, yk? like i remind myself when i have these conversations irl that some if not most of the time, my goal is to make sure the woman/girl understands why its unsafe and not necessarily why its sexist. (obviously use your best judgement on your friends because for some it IS best to talk abt the misogyny too! it just depends ofc)

CNC and DDLG

okay next. the way this woman explains cnc is well done. i think for cnc, ddlg, or other bdsm related stuff, it makes it easier for some to understand when they focus less on the person playing the victim or child, and shine the light instead on the person playing the rapist or pedo/adult or aggressor. its a real dillema that i think is best explained by this quote that ive been trying SO hard to find but i will paraphrase (and if anyone can lemme know if they know it that would be amazing), but its something like "What pro-BDSM activists require is the idea that there are thousands of men who care deeply about the issues of rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, and physical abuse, and also at the same time are aroused by it." Again i dont remember the quote exactly, but its that same sentiment. and its very true! it also forces you to ask, "why does my boyfriend get hard when i pretend to cry?" or "why does he get turned on when I say 'no'?" i think that even if you are pro- "people can cope how they want," you're still left with the scary realization that the life-long traumatic experiences of victims of DV/SA/CSA could just as easily be fantasies for others, and not just fantasies, but fantasies AS THE ABUSER.

things abusers say to intimidate, or things generally violent people say can and are the exact things people say in BDSM spaces. things victims say to escape (or don't say, like w kinks related to passing out or drugged women), or the actions both abusers and victims do, are also used in those BDSM spaces. its worth noting too that like, where are the these ideas coming from? where are they getting their material for fantasies? its sadly a collection of real experiences. sometimes w "twists," but rooted in real violence nonetheless. what came first, a rape kink or rape? the kink came from the arousal to rape. so what does it say about those two groups (cnc perpetrators and rapists) that they both do similar things, say similar things, and get off to similar things? it says something really scary and concerning, ill tell ya that. (plus they don't even have to say its the SAME thing, but the fact that its so similar isn't enough?)

additionally, where do DDLG ppl get the material/words/phrasing/etc for their fantasies? it comes from imitating children and parent conversation, and then pedo dynamics. they are aroused by pretending to talk to and then have sex w a child. the fantasy isnt something that could never happen; they are getting their fantasies from real people's experiences whether they realize it or not.

for example, i got this anonymous message like 2 weeks ago:

someone could have read that to me and told me it was someone into cnc and degredation or something, and how could i not believe it? if i had to determine if this was either a threat, or a line in someones "healthy" sex life, how would I know? despite the fact that one example of these exact words is used for aggression/malice, its scary that it could just as easily be used for arousal! both people are gaining something (power, control, arousal, pleasure) from the statement, so why would i not question ANYONE who is gaining something from that statement, EVEN when consensual.

i also think, kind of going back to the part about where cnc/ddlg/bdsm people's material is sourced (aka rooted in real rape fantasies, sometimes with "twists" or whatever but the root of it is arousal to rape), something really upsetting and sad is the fact that (for example) if someone is aroused by their gf pretending to cry and fight back in bed, if/when the bf is out and about, chances are at least at SOME POINT in his life, he will encounter a woman who was raped. and so this woman, vulnerable and retelling a moment of distress and trauma, describing her rape (or CSA or DV or torture or other experience) could and has described probably thousands of fantasies, some of which he could have participated in. people forget what a strong conditioning tool an orgasm is. do you think kinky sex with his gf wont even cross his mind, like it wont even occur to him that theyve played through this same event? sadly, of course it will. his brain has been conditioned to associate those descriptions/images/etc with sexual pleasure. thats another reason i can never get behind pro-bdsm stuff (like deny the facts now that im aware of them) cuz the stuff the abuser is imagining/pretending/etc has happened, is currently happening, and will continue to actually happen to hundreds of millions of people.

i also want to talk about your friend saying "people can cope how they want to." i think that response is misguided. id love to know where this originated because it seems so contradicting to the types of people who do say this (ime). cuz like ive seen a lot of libfems talk about mental health problems and addiction, and they are great at recognizing that sometimes things that make you feel good temporarily (like substance abuse, self harm, eating disorders), hurt you in the long run. and notice how the things i listed are also coping mechanisms? like yes people CAN cope how they want to, but we shouldnt encourage or even normalize self-destructive behavior (like the compromising and vulnerable and violent and painful scenes and roles in BDSM). imagine if someone was previously an alcoholic and is now sharing why that was so harmful for them. if someone replied "people can cope how they want to," yea thats a true statement, but that doesnt mean anything to what the person is expressing. they are saying they DID choose to cope how they wanted to, and now they are sharing how harmful that was in order to prevent others from making that same mistake

futhermore, my second point to that "let people cope how they want to" statement, would be the implication that statement suggests. the basis of the statement says that yes, there are people who engage in bdsm-related sex in order to cope with that trauma. but that implies there is also a group of people who take advantage of that in order to get aroused!

(this MIGHT be a time when its worth recognizing the sexist patterns. since female ppl make up the majority of victims of SA, and also the majority of submissive roles in bdsm, and additionally that males make up the majority of perpetrators of SA, and also the majority of dominant roles in bdsm, this could help solidify your case that patterns show what group is most likely to want that dominance/control, and who to get it from. although w this, im sure your friend might bring up "femdom" or dominatrix stuff, and you can look to this short post but if you want further explanation feel free to dm or send another ask, but regardless, thats the minority when it comes to d/s dynamics (hence why its specified its FEMdom, because the standard "dom" doesnt need to tell us its for males, but femdom needs to specify its a woman this time.))

lastly, the WDI is a generally great resource (videos like this one and this one) however I don't suggest at all sharing it w libfem friends cuz (like in both those videos) they include gender critical statements

anyway, hopefully this explanation is helpful, and i hope it goes well with your friend. i appreciate your patience as this took me a few days to get to and finish. i know i didnt cover every base, and theres a lot to be said about this topic, but i hope i sent you in the right direction.

i genuinly am hoping the best for you and your friends. you're a kind person, and I'm glad you were able to reach out. and I'm glad you're cultivating a porn and bdsm -free life! ♡ feel free to dm me anytime.

take sm care and be so safe

#radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #male socialization #not j a reblog tag

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bigcutebutt · 4 months

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oh yes, i wanted to talk about this. omegle shut down last year. i only found out in the last week or so

i'm going to be weirdly honest about something i would have otherwise kept to myself forever, but i spent far too much time there, for many, many years of my life. only in text chat, i dont know who in their right mind would want to do the video chat lol. mostly, it was a fruitless and self-destructive behavior that left me feeling not good, but i can't help feeling sad it's just outright gone now, since it was always there for me on and off over so long

as you can probably guess, i used it to talk about what i like to call "weird things" and what now most people call "kinks" - but it's always more complicated than that for me. generally i would roleplay as some exaggerated ideal self - deliberately too exaggerated to be believable, of course (i wasn't trying to deceive). i didn't like to "roleplay" as if i was actually physically interacting with people, i just liked to roleplay that i was someone else, an ideal me, typing on a computer on omegle.com

what made it so special to me was that it was completely ephemeral. usually i'm someone who likes to hoard data, but the way omegle worked was absolutely ideal for exploring myself. every conversation was fresh, and i could try new approaches to "being myself" that had generally zero consequences (with the caveat that of course i never tried to upset or hurt anyone!). nobody had a pre-existing idea of who i was. there was no false image i could possibly build around myself. i could try out human interaction in a distinctly private way. (when people wished to keep in touch outside of omegle, i almost invariably failed completely at keeping anything going)

the relation this has to gender is blindingly obvious, of course. just like literally everything i post about

(though the recurring faces who would show up in the same tags over years and years were an exception to this, but interesting to think about. a weird sense of texture, other lonely people repeating the same fantasies over years of their lives just as i was, for better or worse. fuck you, michael) (sorry to any michaels reading this)

it is probably a good thing that the temptation to go on omegle can never recur for me, given how many nights i ended up disgusted with myself. but again, something is lost forever. a kind of opportunity for self-exploration is lost - one uniquely suited to my own neuroses about being observed. not to mention the general trend of the internet of my youth vanishing piece by piece

as i often complain about, im not sure how to explore myself now when im on my own. its harder for me than it is for others. i dont masturbate, so i cant do what literally everyone else ive met does. i guess i'm just saying that publicly now. i might be too old to even need to explore myself now (but a philosophy of "its never too late" is certainly admirable). but damn it, sometimes i'm just in a mood!

i can only hope that i keep evolving and changing, indefinitely. and hopefully in a way that involves becoming even weirder

theres so much more to say about omegle culture - there were truly so many little quirks that will remain with me forever, especially in the weirder tags. it's an embarrassing part of my life, but also, i think, an important and telling one. sometimes i wanted desperately to have close friends who would keep me from going on it, as if helping me with an addiction - but i never quite achieved that with anyone. but it's still sad. it's an ending. and like most endings on the internet for me, nothing takes its place. i refuse to adapt to the new internet, the web of smartphone apps. its just another part of me that is now vanished. sealed. retired

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starsambrosia · 5 months

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So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

#ambrosia #lore #livechatter

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demonfox38 · 1 year

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Completed - Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete

Never sleep in the nude. Especially not when an emergency might happen. Like, say, a home invasion.

Have you been keeping up with the latest hot debate in video games?

Recently, video game publisher Naoki Yoshida revealed a perspective that surprised American audiences regarding the term J-RPG. While seen in the west as a classification of a certain flavor of role-playing games produced in Japan, it is seen as derogatory and reductive to Japanese developers, particularly in how many people use the term to mock design choices in both the game rules and story structure. Which, man, it sucks to hear that it causes pain and sour feelings. Like, a lot of the best video games I've played fall under that categorization. Hell, I grew up in the era where Japanese companies were the most trusted and revered in game development. I'm not saying that the likes of Nintendo, Konami, and Capcom are perfect little angels, particularly when it comes to overworking staff members. But, even today, I still have a positive bias towards Japanese games and developers. Hell, that was my first major link to a culture outside my own. To think anyone would consider them inferior when they both saved the goddamn industry and continue to make major contributions to it is infuriating.

It was definitely a weird time to play "Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete," all things considered. Because man, is "Lunar 2" ever the most game of that game type.

"Lunar 2" takes place about 1,000 years after its predecessor. A silent threat is building behind a false front of benevolence, triggering a strange woman to come blasting to Lunar to stop it. She subsequently gets nerfed so hard that even a paper weight could take her out. Lucky for her, a hero named Hiro (lucky that!) comes to her aid. Through various tribulations, Hiro, the strange woman from the Blue Star, and their friends manage to quell the rising threat without using the same destructive power that once killed an entire celestial body. And then, when the strange lady ditches the planet to return home, Hiro re-discovers space travel to reunite with her.

Like, buddy. She says she loves you, then ditches you hard enough that you have to create NASA? Maybe think twice about this.

Are you old enough to remember "The Grand List of Console Role Playing Game Clichés" website? Like, pre-TVTropes TVTropes? This game could literally be that list codified. Like, there are several rules on that page that are named after both "Lunar: Silver Star Story" and "Lunar 2" characters and situations. It's not to say "Lunar 2" is derivative, necessarily. A lot of the party members are creative in the same way that a teenager's fantasies are brashly unique. It's just what you'd expect out of an RPG story. Church bad; dragons good; Satan's a thot; only your girl is pure enough to fight them.

"Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete" gets strange when put into the context of time. Like, this remastering was released in 2000. This poor game was released in the same year as "The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask" and "Final Fantasy IX." Like, holy shit, right? It's wild how much technology varied between 1999-2001. Absolute cowboy years of gaming. I can't find sales numbers for this particular variant, but if it were sentient, I'd have to imagine it took to drinking with "Wild Arms 2." What a rough time to roll out. Hell, depending on how you look across international markets, even the original game would have had spicy competition from "Shin Megami Tensei" 1 and 2, "Final Fantasy 6", and "Phantasy Star IV." Aspects from those RPGs might make this one look sweet and baby-faced by comparison.

There is one major structural difference between "Lunar 2" and most games. This is the inclusion of its post-game epilogue, where Hiro strives to reunite himself with his lost love. Honestly, this may have been one of the earliest games to try this narrative structure out. Like, it's so unique that I thought this was added to the Playstation version to quell angry players of the Sega CD version. (It's not, but more on the Sega CD version at the end.) It's probably most comparable to "Tales of Graces F" or more recent "Pokémon" games, in terms of content addition. Despite some hang-ups I have about Hiro's relationship, I do think it is critical to play through. It's an additional 15-20 hours on top of the 24 it took you to get to it, but honestly, it feels wrong to let this plot thread hang. Might as well do all you can!

Like its predecessor, "Lunar 2" has a generally likable cast. Most of them are flawed, but still endearing (particularly, alcoholic gambling addict/ex-priest Ronfar, assassin-turned-dancer Jean, and money-hungry, driven mage Lemina.) Even some of the villains are surprisingly kind, once you kick their ass. (Although, Lunn and Borgan probably should have had some subsequent ass beatings for what the hell they pulled. Fucking karma escape artists.)

There was one major character hang-up I had, and that was with the main heroine herself. Like, I get that Lucia is a weird space girl from thousands of years ago, so she might not have the best sense of social cues. But, there are several times where she tries to ditch the party to continue her mission alone, only to end up putting either herself or the party in danger. She initially bails on helping a sick baby because it might take too much time. She gets weirdly prudish as she starts falling in love with Hiro, which seems backwards. Then, there's the whole ditching humanity to go back into a freezer to wait for the Blue Star to recover. Like, hello? Girl? What the hell? Did you learn nothing this entire time about working with humans to accomplish your goals? Could you not have learned about agriculture or the fine points of sustainable space travel? Did you think any less of your goddess for going mortal and abandoning both the Blue Star and Lunar? Do you think any new life on the Blue Star would automatically revere and listen to you like in the past? How are you a princess of a dead planet? What's the governance on that? Is this mike on? Hello?

Oh, well. At least she didn't nuke anybody.

The gameplay of "Lunar 2" is pretty much the same as it was in the first game. It's mostly mazy dungeon exploration + turn-based combat + inventory management on lean funds. I didn't have to stat boost Hiro as much to get through bosses this time, but there's definitely an item in the epilogue that makes stat boosting totally spammable. Absolutely worth it. While Lucia is in your party, you have no control over her actions. It's weird (and honestly irritating in some circumstances), but comparable to the Sega CD variant of Luna from the first "Lunar" game. I don't think you'll find anything too surprising here. It's just mostly about stacking your dominoes in the right order.

The engine for this game is so similar to the first game that I literally encountered the same audio-loading hard lock bug. This time, it hit with a vengeance. Like, if I did not own a disc repair machine, there's a good chance I would not have been able to beat this game. The discs were just in that rough of shape. I guess I can't blame a game for failing if its physical media is melting into sludge. It did make for some frightening moments, though.

Seriously—don't get into physical media collecting if you're not going to put the work into keeping your collection functioning. A lot of the games I like are running on consoles that are between 20-40 years old. It's only a matter of time until a clock battery runs dry or an electrolytic capacitor blows or even a disc reader fails. You've got to be ready for when that happens. Otherwise, you're just making an elaborate garbage pile.

Media degradation isn't the only way this game is rough. A lot of the translation is very of-the-times. Which, for the late 90s/early 200s, means that there is a significant amount of crude language. Like, I gave "Final Fantasy VII"'s translation shit for Tifa's single R-bomb. Ronfar is handing them out like party favors. I'm assuming if you're reading this on Tumblr, you're also well aware of the international discussion of terms used to describe those of the Roma ethnicity. And, okay. I want to be a good international citizen. So, I try to be mindful about the wrong term in the same way one has to be careful about using Eskimo, Indian, or Oriental. And then, Jean literally shouts "Gypsy magic!", and I end up snorting pop up my nose. Like, goddamn. Times really change, don't they? And that's not even getting into one character being solely dragged for his weight! Shit, man.

Oh my God. Anybody remember that bit with the woman in Zulan having amnesia and forgetting she was a mom? That was pretty fucked, too. Like, imagine how horrific being in that position would be for all parties considered. Although, I guess that’s also the plot to "Overboard", in a way. 🙃 Jeepers. Times change, indeed.

This is a minor nitpick, but Hiro's run option was driving me nuts in game. I'm used to using it like you would in an old "Pokémon" game to blast through everything as fast as possible. Hiro's run is very limited. Like, maybe 4-6 tiles out limited. Also, don't expect to gain any invincibility frames from it. The damn thing is really near useless, especially when trying to evade enemies. But, I guess it's there, so…thanks?

If you are interested in playing this game, definitely play "Lunar: Silver Star Story" first. It does add a lot of meaning to the game, although you could probably follow along without that experience. The Playstation version of this game is a must, particularly for those in the NTSC region. I mean, those of us in the U.S. are used to companies dicking around with international releases. There's beefing up enemy stats and increasing item costs, and then there's consuming the experience points used to beef up spells so that you can save your game. Like, okay, Satan. As if 40 hours of grinding weren't enough already!

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you come away from this introspection with at least one important thing to remember. Keep your games clean. And I don't mean linguistically. Although, it can be thoughtful to do that, too.

There's no reason to shit up the world before Space Satan does it.

#post game evaluation #lunar 2: eternal blue complete #cw: slurs

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mollydastoertchen · 1 year

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The year finally comes to an and and I have a question for you. 2022 was the year of new OCs, so: How many new OCs did you create in 2022? Bonus points if you introduce each of them with a lil' picture and 2-3 sentences about what their deal is. Let's have a "Babes created in 2022" party!

Ive been not so active here on tumblr, I do apologize for it! So.. yeah... 2022! I guess this is my 'furry OC outbreak' year xD I had furry OCs before that, but... I never really got into them. I couldnt grasp them as playable characters like I'm used with human OCs. But this year was when I created some babes that, oh boy, I have fun playing with! But it's not nearly as big of a count as you might think. So let's dive right into it.

1- Becks Warborn (Art by kaitoharo99)

Becks is the leader of a mercinary pack of werewolves. He basically got created to give one of @Zelendur 's OCs - Wulf - a new boyfriend. And as Wulf is just a premium horse who can't quite tie himself down, there was this whole pack of members forming. First and foremost there are Aadit and Liyan - two mercinary members by Zelendur, who got their mingling hands on Wulf as well. This leads to Becks having to not only make sure that Wulf is HIS boyfriend that only gets to have fun with others when he allows it - but it only leads to Becks having to put the other wolves in their place if they decide to dismiss his set up rules. Its a polyamorous relationship between Wulf and Becks mostly, but Aadit and Liyan cannot be ignored at all!

Plus, through to Becks background story, I also created...

2- Dyle Warborn

Dyle is Becks older brother who did not manage to get the alpha leader title himself. In fact, when a huge brawl broke out over the new leadership after their father died, Dyle lost an eye and with it his will to lead the pack. He went from one of the strongest member to the 'crippled old dog' that had trouble keeping up with the rest. He hated being treated differently, but he just couldn't perform as well in battle anymore. He has no design yet, nor have I really fleshed him out yet. But he already got a bretty girlfriend, so... eue

3- Tucker Bust

Tucker is probably the first furry OC I really clicked with. A charming playboy who is a bit on the dumb side. He is just a very good boy. He is the kindof casanova who knows how to click with anyone he meets, and therefore he can have very different sides on him. But in general he is just a really big puppy who is looking for his one and only love. After many failed relationships, he finally found the right guy who love him the way he is. Cooper, his angel, is Tuckers biggest obsession and he loves him endlessly. And Tucker definitely does some weird things to be liked by his boyfriend <3

4- Chris Rowland (Art by @zelendur )

Chris is my first and only (female to male) trans character. Chris is, honestly, one of my most beloved furry OCs of all time. He struck everything in me even before he had a set design. His and his boyfriends love story is honestly so cute and stupid, I love it. Bradley and Chris have been my obsession for quite a while, and those two still tick a lot of boxes for me. My precious baby <3 He is a pure fighter who has been fighting for his and his friends all his life. In the end he opens his own tattoo and piercing shop, living his own life, but always close to his boyfriend Bradley and his bestie for life, Gary.

5- Dezel

(His design is not set at all and definitely will be revamped a bit for the final version)

Dezel, or also known as Dessie, has been such a happy accident, haha. Zelendur and I figured that Gary needed himself a boyfriend too eventually. At first we were in love with Gary and Tucker in an alternative universe (cause oh BOY they fit together so well too!). But since Tucker is absolutely loyal to his angel Cooper, we needed someone else. And that's how Dezel got created. Dezel is a nerd first of all - an indie developer who used to go to the same school with Chris and Gary. He had been a friend of theirs for years - with a mayor crush on Gary. But he is too shy to really communicate his interest. No matter how much he tried to show it, everyone assumed he was just being a friend. Dates got ruined by others or Gary who didn't realize that it was a true date, and Dezel never got his point across. And from that somewhat secret admiration rose obsession. He uses the anonymity of the internet to flirt with his crush. And since Gary has himself an onlyfans.... yeah. Through some event Gary figures out who his generous online-admirerer is and is oddly charmed by his childhood friend. Aaand thats how they give it a try. No feelings first for Gary, but the good-natured nerd soon can finally show his worth to him <3

6- Willow Bishop

(His design is also not set, it was just his first scribble)

After I created Chris, Zelendur was oddly charmed with the thought of another trans OC. And therefore Nicholas the demiboy happened~ I had to SNATCH the bnuy before anyone else could, cause boy I love that little guy so much <3 And here is Willow - a physics student who met Nick through their interest for journalism and especially ghost hunting. They immediately clicked and became somewhat like best friends within no time at all. He was always super charmed by the small bunny, but Will is not gay and therefore was not interested in his best bro. But when he found out that, technically, Nick was a girl who wanted to be a guy, but... still had a girl body.... Oh boy, that shook something loose in him. That game-changing fact immediately made Will show interest in the small bunny who was so perfect in any way - and now that it was also a girl body, he was totally head over heels for him. And to his luck Nicholas was just as interested as him. And then they hit it off instantly yet again. I love those two chaos-seeking idiots a lot xD Hunting for ghosts and then both being scaredy cats when things get real. Aah I love em xD

7- Nathan Evans

My latest obsession, Nathaniel, short Nathan or Nathe! Nathan got created for this hot stud, Clint. I love bad boys, and I love tragic love stories with difficult personalities. Clint and Nathan are somewhat the 'Karanos and Donovan' of our furry roleplay, and yet they are so different and unique and I love them. They both started as best friends in a small gang of youngsters, doing little crimes to come by. Clint with neglective parents and a younger brother to take care of, and Nathan as the only child of pretty poor parents. Then Nathan had to move away with his parents pretty suddenly and a fight with Clint stopped him from saying goodbye - until he regretted it later and tried to reach his best friend with letters. Unbeknown to him Clint had gone to jail after the gang had taken it too far, and so Nathan never heard of his friend again. Until 10 years later, after a lot of shit happened in Nathans life as well, he moves back into town and meets his friend again. They have a rough and chummy friendship with both caring for the other in their own way. But after some unexpected steamy moments between the two (as Clint showed himself clearly interested in Nathans body), Nathan realizes that it's more than friendship for him. But with their relationship also come problems. Once they move together, they start seeing each others weakspots and bad habits. Anger issues, alcoholism and drugs make things escalate a lot - but both of them will reach their happy end together as they fight to stay together.

And.. yeah! That's it folks! 'Just' 7 OCs, which is, for ME, a veery high count. I have at least one more character planned, but nothing concrete yet. And Dezel and Will need proper refs, not to mention for aaaall the toyhouse pages that need to be created... ugh...

Thanks so much for asking, have fun <33

#OCs #OC #ask me #I love talking about my OCs but I never find enough motivation to do it in such a long post lol

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ojirocardigansniper · 1 year

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30, 34, 38, and B for blink !

Tahnks for blowing up my whole shit ian i love you.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

the second i saw 30 was this i said outloud OH FUCK. onehit kill. can't be any answer other than her best friend. they are pair bonded like parrots (Tragic). girl meets boy because her job is going to be listening for response from the gods he's killing himself to communicate with, and her job is going to be watching him die, teaching the next one to die, and the next, until her drowning day finally comes. she met his predecessor in uer end stages of sickness, so she knows how it will look for him. No matter how much she loves him or how many times she can get away with dumping out his ritual cup, he's committed to what he's doing, what he's been raised to do... so yeah, she regrets meeting him. not that she thinks of it as something she chose to do, seeing as it's all divine-vision-scraps that brought her there. but when she still sometimes wishes for another life for them, often she thinks separate lives would have the best chance of peace.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

mm. impossible really. survivor's guilt alchemized into rage at who seemed responsible, but it's still there. she feels simultaneously that she doesn't deserve the losses she's suffered, and that she's still here and alive. there's also insanely complex guilt around everything with her partner's slow ritual death and the death of their mentor the same way. the struggle between prolonging the suffering overall versus staving the worst of it off now. (under my breath) the phrase Quality of Life is not part of their lexicon and it shows . whats that hospice by the antlers you say ? something something shiva4shiva? noooo haha whattt

38. What memory do they revisit the most often?

ah jeez. ah fuck. hard to say. technically i suppose memories of her death (past visions of it) but that's not voluntary. unconsciously i think she very often revisits childhood memories of her brother- always has fragments of them floating about without realizing. one of her core unfulfilled needs is that close companionship she lost back then- she's been trying to fill that hole ever since, no matter if she does so on purpose. i'm really trying to think of things she would consciously try to remember and. mostly coming up with 'tonguing the hole in the gum' type things. don't forget the pain of this or you'll stop letting it drive you. (kicks a rock) she's in my personal bouquet of wretched girlies with baru cormorant for a reason...

B) What inspired you to create them?

time honored tradition of fandom au that got out of fucking hand 🫡 haikyuu au with the highschool bestie, we cooked up a big kingdoms+fantasy setting thru like 2016-2018 and then i continued going feral over a handful of characters that lived rent free in my mind for the next. three years ish? before i finally was like ok i should make it official and stop calling these bitches the names of anime characters. For ayirine specifically some of her core traits have been there since the beginning (foresight, dead twin, death by drowning, kills her best friend) but since filing off serial numbers i transed her gender and made her more actively suicidal (its themes. sorry) and REALLY WEIRD re: her religious convictions. also structurally she's become a prequel tragedy / cautionary tale preceding the main chunk of the narrative, which, not that we had a lot of structure before due to being high schoolers just having fun worldbuilding, but her killing her best friend used to be a W for the then-protagonists bc he was the leader of their enemy, et cetera. by now ive wandered entirely away from the adversarial narrative and into the weeds of other stuff i can personally tell a better story about, due to having Many Thoughts Head Full. i like putting together stories that are dioramas of people and their strange selves much more now than i did when i was a #teen and mostly just liked cool settings and shit. now im like if the characters in the setting arent fascinating then well i almost dont care how cool it is.

ok swag that wasnt as interminably long as i thought it was. no readmore then (gestures to followers) Look at my melodramatic oc boy

#chat #asks #btw ayirine is blinks actual name ifanyone doesnt know. it took me like a full year and a half to settle on her fuckign name .#so icalled her blink after her character playlist (which is named that bc she gets vision fragments everytime she closes her eyes at all)#shes my awful girlie. i love her. she has never had a happy ending ever in her existence as a character. its like that sometimes #blink #ouroboros ocs #fwiends <3

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