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dinsdjrn · 11 months

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the devils we keep | j. miller x f!reader

summary: After a messy end to things, you feel the only option left is to leave Jackson. For good. [wc: 1.6k]

a/n: this is part one of a series of standalones; they all follow Joel x same f!reader but at totally different points in their relationship.. they don't have to be read together or in any order.

content warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, ANGST with a side of ANGST, no use of y/n, established (and end of relationship), break up, post-outbreak!Joel, afab!reader, talks about loss and death, lack of communication, morning sex (blink and you'll miss it), graphic depictions of darkness, poorly edited, lmk if I missed anything <3

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They always used to say that if you loved something, set it free, if it loved you back, it will return. Sometimes when you set someone free, they’ll still love you, and they’ll run as far away as they can.

The night offers some release, the darkness that surrounds you also understands you. It wraps its arms around you in a cold and unforgiving embrace, numbing your heart and soul. Momentarily releasing you from the ache that sits in where your chest meets your stomach. You thought that a “sinking heart” was just an expression, you have quickly learned, it’s a symptom.

You were not ignorant to heartbreak and pain, but previously it had come in exchange of survival. You didn’t have time to feel your heartbreak in the moment, you needed to keep moving and survive. The pain had always come later and your desire to survive always took president. So the dull ache in your chest was just a part of your daily routine.

“Movimiento es vida” your best friends voice rang in your head, movement is life. So you moved on from your grief, and moved forward to survive.

So you’ll take this pain, and you’ll push on, find somewhere new and start over.

Jackson had become so comfortable this past year you resided there. In all truthfulness, Joel had become so comfortable and he made it easy to forget a world beyond Jackson. He was someone you connected with so easily; he understood your best parts and forgave your worst.

You weren’t someone who was very good at connecting with others. Ever since you had lost your brother and best friend, you had become closed off. Maria, one of your only friends here, would describe you as a wallflower.

“Stoic and unreadable,” she would joke.

You would always roll your eyes at her. Jackson was safe but for the first few weeks you weren't convinced it was where you wanted to call home.

That was until you met Joel. He was arguably more closed off than you, but his scars matched yours. It was almost ironic how your pain matched his. You connected over the foals at the stables. Well, you and Ellie had connected over Shimmer. Joel came as a part of a package deal.

You had taught her all you could remember about horses and the equine world before the outbreak. It was what began to thaw your frozen heart; teaching Ellie how to ride, tack and untack, groom and even the different feeding protocols for the different horses. She wanted it all, and for the first time in so long you cared to share.

Your connection brought you closer to Joel, and proximity was all you needed to know that your heart matched his perfectly. You had originally planned on being two ships that had passed in the night, but life had other plans. Life with a little help from Tommy and Ellie.

None of that mattered anymore, the fondness that once sat in the memory of Joel had been buried beneath a field of darkness. Your whole life you could never seemed to pick up on when you had overstayed your welcome. Joel made it very clear that you had.

It can as a shock and surprise as you had always found yourselves talking about the future you had together. As you reflected, it was you who always brought up the future, he merely nodded along with you. Recently he had been more distant and cold, but in the moment this was a blind side.

“I think it’s time we both move on,” Joel said but wouldn’t look you in the eyes.

“What?” you whispered.

“We had a good thing goin’, something comfortable…” he paused, “But we want… no, we need, different things.”

His gaze was on the ground.

“If you’re going sit here and tell me you need a change. And that change is to let go of me… then I want you to look me in the eye as you break what you promised to keep safe,” you seethed.

His gaze met yours, his eyes were cold as the day you had met. Secrets, pain, and distance that you couldn’t tap into were all that you were left with.

He bore into your soul as he ripped it from your body.

“We’re done here. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. You deserve more than that, but it’s all I can give.”

“Fuck you, Joel. Fuck this and fuck you,” you spat.

In some other world, you handled things more gently, but you’re certain that world beat and berate you with heartbreak after heartbreak.

So here you are, surrounded by darkness, letting the burning pain in your chest turn to numbness.

You laid in bed for a week, with only the memory of Joel to hold onto.

The way it felt to wake up late with him, when Ellie stayed with a friend and Joel stayed with you.

The way he would kiss the nape of your neck and trace his hands down the curve of your side from the swell of your breast to the top of your thigh. He would pull you in close pushing your ass against himself. Knowing exactly where to put his hands and lips to ignite a fire within you. Then he would move into you slowly, softly fucking you in then morning light. Whispering sweet nothings about how you could live in those moments forever.

All of those stolen touches, kisses, slow mornings and heated midnights. They were all ghosts of loves watermark. They drowned you, plagued your thoughts. You couldn’t escape them in this bed, this house, this city. Joel had infiltrated every corner, nook and cranny of your existence in Jackson, it made it impossible to breathe.

You hadn’t slept much since that night, because at least the darkness veiled the details of Joel the light seemed to amplify. It provided short moments where you could process half of a coherent thought. Those thoughts always brought you to the same place. Washington. You swore you wouldn’t go back after the QZ fell, but it is the only place you know you’ll find safety. Safety and ghosts from your past that wouldn't haunt you leaving you feeling cold and lifeless.

So in the darkness you packed what you would need for a few weeks travel. As the morning sun peeked over the mountains you knew what you had to do.

With your small pack over your shoulder and a backpack of food that would last a week or two if you rationed correctly, you headed up the hill to a house that was all too familiar.

You knocked gently on the door and it had opened a few moments later revealing a man, that you thought would be easy to say goodbye to. You were wrong.

“Tommy,” you whispered.

“Fuck,” he said, “I thought you were Joel.”

“I know you have patrol soon I won’t be long. Just had something I needed from you,”

“What is it?” He asked, dreading what the response might be.

“I need a gun and horse, to get me to Washington,”

“I was worried you might say that,” He raked his hand through his hair.

“I have to go. I can’t stay here any longer. Please Tommy, I can’t take it,” your voice broke as you pleaded.

"C'mon now is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?"

"I can't keep feeling this way Tommy. I've lost so much so quickly and had no choice in whether or not they left. This though? It's almost worse, he chose me and kept choosing me. Until one day he didn't anymore and I still have to face him. To face this town, it's tearing me apart. He chose this, he chose to lose me, and now it is my choice to keep moving, keep living." Tears threatened to break and you could barely speak above a whisper without your voice cracking.

“I understand,” he said putting his hands on your shoulders and pulling you into an unexpected hug.

“Let me get something for you and get you on your way,” he said.

“Thank y-“

“Under one condition,” he said.

“Anything,” you said.

“You find a way to tell me you’ve landed somewhere safe,”

“Promise.”

So you went to the stable to tack your horse, Blues, and secure your cargo. Tommy followed a few minutes later with a shotgun, ammo and hunting blade to get you through to Seattle.

“Thank you, Tommy,” you said offering him a smile.

“Hey, be safe out there, alright?” He pulled you in for one final hug.

“Tommy, uh, one more thing?”

“Shoot,” he said.

You pulled a clip from your hair. It was a tulip hair clip that Joel had found for you. The gold of the metal clip began rusting over at parts and the pink wasn’t as bright as you’re sure it had once been. Joel had found it for you when he learned how much you loved tulips and their sign of new life in the spring. How they came and went before all the other flowers and their was beauty in their brevity.

“Can you give this to Ellie? She won’t wear it it’s way too girly, but I just need her to know I’ll be with her aways,” you placed the clip in Tommy’s palm and he put it in his pocket.

“Go on now, before everyone’s up and tryna stop you,” Tommy nodded toward the door.

You mounted Blues and off you went through the gates of Jackson for what you were sure would be the last time. Not even a glance over your shoulder, if you looked back you’re not sure you would’ve made it past the tree line.

next part

comments, likes and rbs are so greatly appreciated

tags: @undrthelights @pedgeitopascal @tightjeansjavi @joelsversion & lmk if you would like to be added or removed in future <3

#joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller x y/n #meg writes things #devils we keep: series

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literary-motif · 2 months

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Secretary (NSFW)

Isaac Rhoades x Reader

Giving Isaac head under the desk while he’s on the phone.

“I’ve got some interesting things you might want to take a look at,” you said, handing Isaac a stack of papers.

He took it absentmindedly, muttering a small ‘thank you’ as he continued furiously scribbling something down on the margin of the document he was pouring over.

Isaac had been preoccupied with a different case for the past few days. Originally, it had been a favor he agreed to do for Asirel — look into the business of some of his more volatile acquaintances and gather as much discrediting data on them as possible — but this side case had led him to do some research that unearthed intriguing connections neither of you had thought of before.

For as much as you were both invested in your work, Isaac had started to look like a man possessed by the need to know.

Sometimes when you were sitting down to eat, an idea would strike him and he would spring up suddenly, rushing to his study to follow up on it, leaving you sitting alone at the table. He would jolt awake in the middle of the night and jot down new thoughts, half delirious, only to be annoyed in the morning at being unable to read his own handwriting and not understanding a word of what he’d written down.

The situation had gone out of hand. Isaac was thinking so much about Asirel’s colleagues and their dubious connections, that he had begun to neglect his other cases, mainly the one you were working on together.

It did not bother you, taking on more of his workload and spending extra hours invested in your research, but you knew that part of the case was time-sensitive and you needed Isaac — concentrated and at his best — to prevent the worst from happening.

He massaged his shoulder with his free hand, kneading the base of his neck absentmindedly. An expression of discomfort and pain flashed across Isaac’s face briefly, and he retreated his hand from his tense shoulders.

You knew that he was stressed, and as you looked at him now, you could see just how rigidly stiff his posture was. Isaac needed to relax and release some of the tension he carried from working himself into the ground.

“This case you’ve been working on is more complex than we previously thought and, in cross-referencing it to past ones, I was able to pick out some patterns that point to the same group of people we already have under observation,” you explained, causing Isaac to look up at you briefly.

“Well done,” he said, and by the way his eyes returned to the words in front of him immediately, you knew that he had not understood a single word you said.

Sighing you moved around his desk to stand beside him, leaning over his shoulder to look at the document he was annotating. “Found anything interesting, my knight?” you asked, making sure that Isaac felt your breath on his skin from how close you were.

He hummed in reply, not elaborating further as he continued reading, ignoring or unbothered by your proximity. You suppressed the need to sigh in annoyance and hooked a finger under his chin instead, tilting Isaac’s head to the side to give you better access to his neck. “What are you doing?” he asked in confusion, still keeping his eyes fixed on the page and head tilted to the side, just as you had guided him to.

As you began kissing his neck, sucking lightly at the sensitive spot right under his jaw, you could feel his heartbeat sped up under the touch of your lips. “Do I have your attention now?” you whispered, sending a shiver down his spine, “or do I have to resort to more drastic measures?”

Isaac swallowed, turning his head to glance at you. “You wouldn’t believe the trail I’m currently following,” he said breathlessly, “Whatever you think you have uncovered can wait. This here” — he pointed at the paper in front of him — “is monumental.”

“That might very well be,” you said sweetly, raking your hand through his hair and making Isaac sigh in contentment immediately, “but we have cases to work on other than Asirel’s petty security schemes.” Your hand trailed lower until you were playing with the hair at the base of his neck.

Isaac breathed shakily, his eyes drifting shut of their own accord at how good your touch felt. You knew him too well. You knew exactly which buttons to push to get him riled up, you knew what to do to make him swoon, and you knew where to touch him to undo him in an instant.

“I don’t think you’re playing fair,” Isaac observed as the fingers of your free hand slipped down his collar and pressed down on his spine, beginning to loosen the tension he held there with a few expert touches. He could not suppress the soft moan of bliss that escaped him.

You smirked, tilting his head up again with a light pull at his hair. “I don’t think I know what you mean,” you purred, kissing his lips. “I’d just like you to pay attention to me when I tell you important things.”

“Everything you say is important to me,” he replied in a whisper, his eyes lighting up in delight as he saw you avert your gaze briefly. “Did I make you flustered, Pickle?” He chuckled fondly, kissing you again. “Why, that wasn’t my intention in the slightest, but I’ll admit, you look cute all bashful.”

You rolled your eyes, reaching across the desk to place the stack of paper with the case files connected to your primary case in front of him. “I’d really like you to take a look at these—”

The phone on his desk rang and Isaac tensed immediately, moving away from you and answering it with a professional, if not to say cold, statement of his name. Gone was the husky breathiness of only a moment ago, and his facade of stoic professionalism was back in place with no cracks visible.

“Oh, Asirel, yes,” Isaac said, barely suppressing his excitement to let his friend — pardon, colleague — know what he had found out. “The people you requested are horrible. There is so much potentially fatal to their careers if you know where to look— They are done for, I’m sure.”

It was safe to say you were more than a little annoyed now. Asirel and his painful need for gossip — because that’s what got to his rivals, in the end. It was the rumors and thinly veiled jabs at their reputation and past mistakes that did them in — were interfering with your work, and it was not like you could just ignore Isaac’s sudden dive into a completely superfluous rabbit hole because you needed him and his knowledge of past cases that much predated your involvement in the PI-business to make sense of all the evidence you had accumulated. You knew there was something there, you just did not know what it was, but Isaac would. That was, if he cared to look.

You placed a hand on his shoulder, turning his chair around so he would face you and behold your disapproving stare. “And, well, do you remember the elitist hunting organization? Yes, that one. Turns out your treasurer has relations in it,” Isaac said, raising an eyebrow at you.

‘This is important’ you mouthed to him and pointed towards the papers you had placed on his desk. He nodded dismissively and held up a finger, signaling that Asirel would only take a minute. You both knew he was lying and you groaned quietly in frustration.

You were suddenly struck with an idea that was guaranteed to get Isaac off the phone and you smirked, hesitating only a moment to consider it properly before dropping to your knees on the carpeted floor. In truth, you were thrilled to punish Isaac a little for ignoring you and being so absentminded without even putting in any effort to listen to what you had to say. It was childish, you knew, but that did not make the idea any less appealing.

Isaac had not noticed you on the ground yet, but as you placed your hands on his thighs and slowly began moving them up, his head whirled towards you. The beautiful frown of confusion on his face made you smile mischievously as your hands brushed over his groin, reaching his belt as you looked up at him with burning intensity.

His eyes widened in sudden realization and he gasped quietly, mouth falling open to exhale shakily. You tilted your head, waiting for an answer before continuing. As Isaac’s cheeks turned a flaming pink, he gave a curt nod and cleared his throat, returning to his conversation with Asirel.

The belt was quickly removed and as you freed his already half-hard cock, running a finger from the base to the tip, Isaac could not suppress a shudder. His eyes were fixed on you, waiting for what you would do next. “No, yes, I’m here,” he said, sighing, “now, it’s like I told you with the senator—”

You gave him a peck on the tip of his cock. It was enough to cut him off, making him grip the armrest of his chair in a white-knuckled grip as it twitched under your lips. Isaac was so unused to this, it was almost laughable how a few expert touches from you could make his iron resolve crumble. “The— the Senator, yes," he breathed as you wrapped one of your hands around the base of his cock and began stroking him leisurely.

“I— yes, the uh, the assistant knows that, too,” Isaac stuttered when you pushed his legs further apart to scoot even closer. His wide eyes and the blush spreading across his cheek made you want to tear him apart in the best way possible. He looked so out of his depth like this, with you kneeling in front of him and gazing up at him so sweetly.

The desire churning within him was impossible to ignore and he wanted to sigh in pleasure when he felt you placing sloppy kisses around his cock. You felt so good, and he longed to tell you, praise you for how good you made him feel, for how much pleasure you gave him.

He wanted to lean his head back and let you take charge, sink into the hazy feeling slowly pulling him under and relinquish all control to you. He knew he could trust you. He knew he could be vulnerable with you, and he wanted to show you just how much control you had over him when you made him moan your name.

"Yes, Asirel," Isaac gasped, "I'm listening, go on."

His cock was painfully hard now and you made sure he was looking into your eyes as you took the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue along the underside of it. Isaac choked.

“No, no. I’m fine, it’s nothing,” he rushed out, holding onto the armrest for dear life to distract him from the overwhelming need to buck his hips into your mouth. “It’s nothing. What else do you want to know?”

Slowly, you took more of his cock and began sucking, bobbing your head. Isaac’s breathing was shaky as he hummed in agreement to whatever Asirel was saying. You could feel his entire body trembling, his hips stuttering in minuscule jerks.

With his eyes closed, he only felt your hand stop caressing his chest a moment before you reached into his slacks and fondled his balls. The new sensation made his decorum melt like ice.

He thrust his cock into your mouth with a sudden snap of his hips, making you gag. Tears sprang to your eyes immediately and you pushed yourself off of his cock for a moment to breathe, caught off guard by the sudden movement.

Isaac pressed the phone against his chest hard to muffle his moan. The feeling of you choking on him was so good, you were so good. There was nothing he wanted to do more than slam the phone down and lose himself to the feeling of you around him, hear you gag on his cock until he ravished you in return, bending you over the desk and fucking you for as long as it took for you to forget the papers you were being railed on.

“What was that, Asirel?” Isaac asked, voice hoarse, “I didn’t quite catch that.” His hand reached out to caress your cheek softly, brushing away the tears that had naturally escaped your eyes. You tilted your head to place an open-mouthed kiss against his palm, causing Isaac to bite his lip.

His fingers moved up to thread through your hair as you took him into your mouth again, guiding your head to bob in a gentle rhythm. Isaac opened his eyes to look down at you, his cheeks red and pupils blown wide in bliss.

He looked beautiful like this, nearly undone as you made him feel good. It was almost painfully easy to break his resolve now that he had let you into his heart, and you cherished every second of him allowing you to see him vulnerable, happy, or as sinful as he was now.

You hummed around his cock and his eyes fluttered shut again, mouth falling open in a silent moan as his hand tightened in your hair. It made you grunt, the vibrations of it going straight to Isaac’s cock. The pleasure was building rapidly inside him, and he could feel himself getting close.

“Mhm, I see," Isaac rasped hastily, "Listen, I’ll send you the files and my notes, alright? Good. I’ve got to go now. Goodbye Asirel.” He slammed the phone down before he got a reply, releasing a strangled moan and throwing his head back.

“God, you’re so good,” he whimpered, loosening his tie with shaky fingers, “So good yes. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” he asked, running his hand through your hair gently as you continued sucking him off. "I didn't mean to pull your— I—"

You gripped his hand, meeting his gaze to let him know you were fine. You could tell Isaac was close. His breathing uneven and legs trembling, hips rocking to thrust into your mouth. You squeezed his hand, encouraging him to let go.

“I—” he gasped, cut off by a moan, “I think I— I’m gonna— yes, yes, please.” He came hard down your throat with a jerk of his hips, clutching your hand as if it was the only thing keeping him together.

When he calmed down from his high, he slumped back in his chair exhausted, sweat coating his forehead. “That was— you were amazing,” he said, speech slightly slurred. “Would you like me to—?”

“Take a look at the papers I gave you, yes,” you rasped, clearing your throat and wiping some of his spent from the corner of your mouth.

Isaac glared at you playfully, offering you a hand to get up from the floor. You took it, smirking at him in return.

"I'm gonna make you forget about those fucking documents, I swear."

#minors dni #isaac rhoades x reader #sakuverse #isaac rhoades

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awriterscollective · 2 years

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fandom. :: the stanley parable.

pairing. :: narrator + child!reader. (familial)

cw/tws. :: nothing just fluff lmao.

notes. :: fatherly narrator my beloved. reader is neurodivergent except its based off of my own personal experiences with being neurodivergent. reader also paints (not with brushes.)

youve been at this for nearly an hour now. what truly was so mesmerizing about painting with acrylics and getting yourself dirty¿ your shirt and pants had paint that would be sure to stain for quite a few wash cycles, and your skin ! by goodness, your hands were covered in different colours, some dried and some that could still be wiped off against different surfaces.

you had been exploring, much against narrator's best wishes, and stumbled upon whichever room this was. it looked like an art classroom. out of all the things you couldve created art with, and you chose the messiest, not even using a brush to paint with. no ! you simply used your fingers to create the art work, occasionally picking up the sponge beside you and using it to help apply colours in certain places.

whats worse¿ the majority of paint that hadnt been used in your pictures had simply been reused to be painted onto your legs and arms. by god your arms and legs were certainly the most colourful parts of your body now. you even managed to get paint on your forehead, how on earth had you managed that¿ narrator had already knew the troubles that would come with keeping an eye on a younger person, but he hadnt realized that this is what a thirteen year old would be so fascinated with.

at first, he didnt really mind your focus on the paintings you were working at. it gave him the ability to ramble on about whatever story was on his mind at the time. but when he started feeling as though you were no longer even listening to him, he got just the slightest bit antsy. but by now, he was tired of your current inattentiveness, a heavy sigh escaping from the otherworldly deity before he manifested his physical form beside you.

that seemed to be enough to pull you from the artwork you worked on, looking at the deity beside you as you wiped the excess paint on your hands onto the sides of your pant legs. in his hand, there was a damp washcloth, which, in your mind, instantly connected to you needing to stop painting, your smile fading into a disappointed frown.

the male beside you seemed to pick up instantly as he started cleaning the paint off your face. he was careful as to not run the fabric too hard against your skin, being mindful of the texture of the dampened cloth against the skin of your face. it took you a moment before you spoke up. “ is it time to stop painting already¿ ” you wore a pout on your lips, earning a nod from the narrator who wasted no more time responding vocally.

“ youve been painting here quite a while, and while i admit i could have continued on my rant about whatever else you could be doing, i have the strong feeling you would keep painting to your hearts desire. ” it was a simple but drawn out explanation, which you understood. it was disappointing. you wanted to keep painting. “ we have to continue on with the story, (name). ” he pointed out, before adding on to his previous statement. “ but you can paint to your hearts desire next time. for now, why dont we go on our way now¿ ”

as the paint on your face was fully gone now, the damp cloth pulled away, seemingly disappearing in thin air as your smile returned to your face. “ alrighty !! ” you spoke, turning in your seat and standing. “ and we'll save these for the memory zone. ” with that, the paintings you had been working on since you found this room disappeared, the door to the room opening. when you looked back to where the narrator sat previously to find him no longer here, his voice speaking up.

“ now up from their seat, (name) turned to the door and left the room so that they could continue the story. ” at the prompt, you were quick to leave the room, following his instructions. it wasnt too long before something else seemed to distract you. without so much of a heads up, you walked off to do your own thing, earning a lighthearted sigh from the narrator.

this would take a while. but he was willing to wait if he had to.

— if you liked this work, you can find more of this content on my blog.

— requests are currently open.

— please do not steal/repost/recreate this story as your own without permission or credit.

#tsp x reader #the stanley parable reader #narrator the stanley parable #the stanley parable x reader #neurodivergent reader #x reader #+ reader #child!reader

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otomegrandma · 8 days

Note

Just so you know this isn't hate, i'm GENUINELY askin' because i want to understand

Why do you ship togafuka ? Because i can don't really understand the appeal ?

You're free to ignore this text, you don't own me anything, i just want to know (It's kinda my goal to understand everyship i don't ship)

Hello! I don't mind you asking.

from an older curiouscat answer:

I’ve always understood why many people don’t like togafuka or dismiss it outright, and I don’t really take issue with this point of view. I obviously like them, but these are two characters with a lot of issues, and so the way they interact with eachother (or with anyone) is going to be bound up in all that until they change. Actually, in a way I think this is part of why I like the ship - it’s hard to see Byakuya interacting with, for example, Chihiro without feeling bad for Chihiro, and when Makoto is trying to befriend Byakuya I can tell it takes a lot out of him just to be around him, and I want to think Makoto deserves to spend time with someone who respects him more. But because Touko and Byakuya are both nasty people, having them spend time together is kind of like a quarantine, haha. We see in DR1 that both Touko and Byakuya often exclude themselves from the rest of the class, and so they end up “excluded together”

While I like Touko and Byakuya’s interactions during the killing game, the way they are during this period is clearly not conducive to an actual relationship. Even though they seem very different on the surface, however, I think they actually have a lot in common - having difficult childhoods, preferring a blunt way of speaking rather than delicacy, you know. As they change as people independently, I imagine that their relationship to eachother could change as they may begin to see eachother in a different light. I think Touko already sees and thinks of Byakuya a bit differently by DRAE, and as Byakuya becomes better at forming sincere connections with people (which he is incapable of in DR1) he may begin to admire things in her he previously dismissed. (<-this does not necessarily mean he has to return her feelings - they could just be friends, or two people who are otherwise mature enough to exist in eachother's lives without it being a problem. but i think its cooler if he wants to kiss her grossly) To be honest, I also just find them really funny. I like that Touko gets to be a funny female character, and I like that in their dynamic it reveals a bit of Byakuya's gap moe ignorance and he can get flustered. Its fun (and endearing in a mean way) to imagine them bonding over insulting and gossiping about the rest of the cast together.

I also find them to be aesthetically pleasing to draw together; I like the contrast in their designs and mannerisms, and independently they're both the kind of character I find fun to draw (Togami, being a cool, mean, princely guy and Fukawa being a loud, pathetic woman.) "They're my type" wouldn't be enough to explain why I've been obsessed with them for 7 years straight but they're also appealing to me in a way that is kind of obvious in my mind. It didn't take 'digging deep' to make me like them!

#togafuka

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sokkastyles · 1 year

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Looking back at "Love Amongst the Dragons," Ursa's favorite play, and its metatextual use in the story, particularly in "The Search," something occurred to me.

For reference, here's the wiki's summary of the play:

The play features the Dragon Emperor, bound to mortal form by the Dark Water Spirit, and forced to adopt the alias of Noren. The humble experience results in Noren falling in love with a mortal, and through this love he is able to break free of his curse. The play concludes with Noren defeating the Dark Water Spirit and embracing his mortal girlfriend, revealed to be the Dragon Empress.

Previously, I was puzzled over the purpose of Ikem using the name Noren, and also talked in that post about Azula identifying herself as the Dragon Emperor while misunderstanding the meaning of the story, while Zuko remarks on being forced to play the Dark Water Spirit when they enacted the play as children.

It's pretty clear that Zuko's Blue Spirit identity was inspired by Zuko and Azula's games as children, and this adds another layer to Zuko's use of this identity in the series. He's adopting a role forced on him, one that marks him as other in his family and reinforces his place as the family scapegoat, and using it to explore who he really is, an act of reclaiming that also connects him to his lost mother. In the series, Zuko uses the Blue Spirit mask to free Aang from Fire Nation clutches, to steal things which he gives to Iroh, and finally to free Appa. While not necessarily motivated by good, each time he dons the mask, he experiences conflict with his identity as Fire Nation prince and comes closer to realizing who he is apart from this identity.

The Search uses the play pretty heavily as a backdrop for the main story, Ursa being forced to take on a new identity and finding love in the process, and Ikem also taking on a new identity, one that is a blatant reference to the play.

I had previously expressed frustration at Ikem using the name Noren, as he doesn't really work as Dragon Emperor. Yet Ursa is obviously the Dragon Empress, herself disguised in mortal form which only love could recognize.

Who, then, is the Dragon Emperor in our story?

This line of thinking has us point to Ursa's first husband, none other than Fire Lord Ozai.

Remember that in ATLA, Zuko says that this was her mother's favorite play, and that she took him and Azula to see it every year as kids. I imagine that those visits stopped once Ursa left, not only because Ursa was no longer there, but I bet Ozai hated this play.

It's a play about a powerful lord associated with Fire Nation symbolism being humbled, by a water spirit no less, and finding love and happiness through humility. Azula obviously misunderstands the meaning, and wants to see herself as the Dragon Emperor, without understanding the need to be humbled and embrace love. We can guess Ozai would have a similar attitude to his wife's favorite play.

The Search explains the reason why this was Ursa's favorite play, by having it be something from her hometown. Without that, though, and just looking at the series alone, the fact that this play is Ursa's favorite becomes very interesting. Ozai might even see it as a threat to his power over her, if he understood the play's true meaning.

Did Ursa ever see Ozai as her Dragon Emperor? Did some part of her hope that Ozai could be humbled by love, that he would cast aside his glory and recognize her? Ursa later being forced to take on a common identity when she is banished adds to this meaning.

From what we know of Ursa, I don't think she was under any illusions that Ozai would come back for her, would realize the error of his ways like the character in the play. She does meet her Noren, but he is no Dragon Emperor.

There is someone who does come for her in The Search, though, not as the Fire Lord, but as a young man searching for someone he loved and lost.

Zuko.

Ursa saying to both Azula and Zuko that she "didn't love them enough" also fits with the play's theme of lost love and transformation as the catalyst to regaining what was lost.

You could also say that Azula herself has undergone this test, been transformed from the proud princess she once was, and confronts Ursa with intent to kill her, only to be given an apology for the sake of love.

Remember how Azula doesn't understand the play and talks over the love scene, bragging about being a "better Dragon Emperor," and how Zuko always had to be the Dark Water Spirit (the villain, the other, the hidden identity)?

The Search also ends with Azula running away in tears because she cannot accept the love offered to her by her mother and brother. Zuko also undergoes a crisis of wanting to give up being Fire Lord in exchange for a common life with a loving family.

In the end, both Zuko and Ursa are restored to their places as Fire Lord and Matron Fire Lady. It's not romantic love, but familial love, that is the conclusion to "The Search."

#zuko #ursa #azula #ozai #ikem #atla comics #love amongst the dragons #the blue spirit #the search

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burning-peanut · 11 months

Text

🚬 Getting High (On Feelings)

Words: 3,454 Chapters: 1/1

[Travis Hackett/Laura Kearney] [Dru9 Use] [Smoking] [Fluff] [Travis gets teased a little] [but he can handle it] [Pre-Relationship] [Touching] [Kissing] [Teasing]

» Travis and Laura share a very special bond. And she knows she can twist him around her finger if she wants to. What she didn't know is how much he's enjoying it.

Laura knocked softly on the door to his office, which was already half-open. Travis was so absorbed in the paperwork he had in front of him that she feared she might startle him by just entering his office. It wouldn't have been the first time this happened, so she approached slowly.

His head peered briefly, a light smile illuminating his face. He pointed a hand to one of the empty chairs in front of him.

"Come on in. I need another ten minutes. I have to finish this accident report today, but after that we can leave."

The friendship the two had built over the past nine months was a completely new experience for both Laura and Travis. It was gradual at first, steadily forming a strong foundation the more they interacted with each other. They understood each other in a deeper way. One would assume that the unfortunate events had built a bond between the pair, magnetizing them into a deeper connection.

It wasn’t the first time Laura came to his office after she got off her shift herself. In fact, it has become some kind of ritual between them by now. Whenever their shifts happened to coincide and they got off work at the same time, they would arrange to meet again. Usually they'd grab a bite to eat at the diner before taking long walks through the Hackett Woods.

That's what they both enjoyed best with each other. Talking for hours. Often enough, Laura did the talking and Travis the conscientious listening, but every once in a while he would come out of his shell and give Laura rare glimpses of his childhood or the time before the curse. In these conversations, they not only talked about the events of that traumatic summer when Laura had made herself forever immortalized into the skin on his arm. They also talked about Laura's graduation and her work at the clinic, Travis' work, or gossip from around town.

Laura walked toward the chair and slumped into it, exhausted, before signaling with a theatrical groan how terribly stressful her day had been.

"Your day couldn't have been worse than mine," Travis stated dryly, without lifting his eyes. He had a form in front of him, the previously blank page he was filling out with a pen.

"Did any of your patients die off, too, and you got scratched and accidentally slipped in Cat's pee?"

Travis lifted his head and paused for a moment. His gaze sought hers inquiringly. "What patient?" he asked, gripped.

"Charly, the older Great Dane. The old guy's little heart was too weak for surgery after all, I'm afraid. He didn't even wake up again."

Travis exhaled audibly through his nose before looking at her compassionately. "Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that."

She gave him a brief smile before her gaze wandered over his completely cluttered desk. In the chaos, she could make out quite a few things lying around on that desk: dozens of stacks of papers, files, and other documents, two rolls of barricade tape, two driver's licenses, a bag of marijuana, a-!

Wait, what?!

Laura couldn't believe her eyes. At the end of his desk was a small bag of weed. Her gaze alternated from Travis to the bag—back and forth—but his attention was fully focused on the form in front of him.

It took Laura only a fraction of a moment before she decided what she was going to do.

"Is that weed?"

"Yes." said Travis again, without lifting his gaze from the piece of paper. "Took it from two teenagers just before the end of my shift."

"How much is it?"

Now the cop looked from his note over to the small clear bag lying next to him. "I don't know, 15 grams? I still have to register it and weigh it. Haven't gotten around to it yet because this shitty accident report-"

Laura had no patience to hear anything else about his stupid accident report. She cheekily interrupted him. "So no one would notice if a few grams were missing?"

"Very funny." he said dryly, turning his eyes back to the document in front of him. But when Laura didn't answer, he obviously understood what she was up to. He raised his eyes and looked at her sullenly.

"Keep your hands off that evidence, Miss Kearney. I mean it."

"Of course, Sheriff." she said, raising her hands defensively before slowly standing up and walking around him. She stood behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders before leaning on him slightly. "By the way, do you still smoke?"

"No." he said as he turned the document over and began filling in the next page.

Laura leaned down and opened the top drawer of his desk with a quick flick of her wrist. Revealed were a half-full pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Travis paused for a moment and looked at the pack of cigarettes before continuing to write. "Damn," he whispered before justifying her discovery. "Only once in a while now, when I'm stressed or my deputies drive me up the wall."

"But not regularly?"

"No."

"Smoking is so harmful, Travis."

"I know, Laura."

She reached into the drawer and pulled out the lighter before closing it again.

His lips turn sour in a frown while he kept glancing at her. "Put it back."

"Why, you don't need it regularly."

"Laura-" Travis whirled around in his desk chair to face her and grabbed her hand while looking at her with the typical, badass Sheriff-Travis-Hackett-Look© . "I know exactly what you're up to."

"Oh yeah, Sherlock? What are you doing to stop me?" with a slight flick of her wrist, she shook off his hand with which he had been holding onto her.

She knew he had trouble touching her, let alone grabbing her. It had been very difficult for him to even get close to Laura for a very long time. He had explained to her once that it had something to do with her being imprisoned by him, and it was a milestone in their friendship that they had reached not too long ago that he could touch her without freaking out.

But he would never hold her or touch her roughly. He couldn't do it, and she knew it.

Slowly she walked over, to the end of his desk, and stood beside it.

"Laura." he said in a threatening undertone. But he did not move. He didn't come after her, but looked at her as if transfixed, while a filthy, wicked smile played around her lips, making her eyes light up in that typical way that Travis knew better than he probably liked.

"What sheriff? What are you going to do? Lock me up? Again?"

"...Laura." His deep, firm voice made the subliminal warning come through clearly. It was his last warning, she was aware of that. Also, Laura didn't even think about stoping now. She grabbed the small bag and just as Travis jumped up from his chair and darted over to her, she ran around the desk to the other side.

They were facing each other now—Travis on one side of the solid wooden furniture, and Laura on the other. Suddenly, she felt like she knew how a deer must feel, spotted on the hunt by Travis Hackett. His look was determined. The slow but powerful rhythm of his chest rising and falling as his eyes fixed on her—like a hunter focusing on his prey—sent a tingle up her spine. He stared at her as if he attempted to bring her to him just by the power of his thoughts alone. As if he was trying to hypnotize her. Along with the silent, slow breaths that raised and lowered his chest. It rose and fell, rose and fell. For a few seconds, his steady breaths were the only noise in the room.

Somehow the whole situation was strangely funny to Laura, so she laughed. He didn't.

"I'll say it one last time, young lady. Put the bag down."

Continue reading on [AO3]

Thanks for interacting with my stuff, sharing or leaving kudos and likes. It means the world to me 😊🤍

@hackearneyarchive

#hackearney #travis x laura #fanfiction #travis hackett #the quarry #laura kearney

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absurdist-shitpost · 1 year

Text

Seen a lot of arguments about whether or not it was in character for c!Tommy to attempt to reach out to c!Dream in the finale, but not a lot about how OOC it felt for Dream to respond the way he did?

Like. I’m upset about how Tommy’s character was handled for a variety of reasons but judging the stream purely by ‘do the characters act in ways that feel realistic based on how they’ve previously been characterized’ I actually think c!Dream was done far dirtier.

C!Dream is genuinely one of my favorite characters. He makes for a terrifying villain while also feeling deeply human, (and I really don’t think we needed a sympathetic flashback to further humanize him, but that’s a different topic) he’s cruel and controlling and deeply self-centered, but at the same time he craves connection to others while refusing to admit to feeling any sort of attachment out of fear.

C!Dream has always struck me as a character Deeply Afraid of vulnerability. Deeply afraid of Losing Control. I’ve seen posts floating around about how Dream’s planning relies much more heavily on improvisation and luck then he admits, and this is for a reason! Dream doesn’t want to say that he messed up, or that something went wrong, instead he’d much rather say that he was sabotaged (usually by c!tommy) or that This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys.

It makes perfect sense for Dream to act like this! He was always a competitive and prideful person, even before Shit Got Bad, so when he (and the server more broadly) started taking things farther and farther, committing acts that he likely would have considered Too Far in the past, he responded by by digging his heals in. Because This Was Totally the Plan All Along Guys. If nothing else, c!Dream is a goddamn master of Committing To The Bit.

It’s what gives his character it’s tragedy. Because he would truly be happier just hanging out with his friends. But in the end, /he’s/ the one who cuts them off, not because of anything Tommy or anyone else did, but because he was scared that keeping them around would make him vulnerable. He becomes so blinded by his stubborn attachment (heh) to his own plans and power and this idea of godhood that not only does he ruin the lives of those around him, he ruins his /own/ life too.

And you’re telling me. That Dream, the same Dream that has tortured and abused multiple people, who has gotten /himself/ tortured and jailed, who cut off his friendships, ruined his own reputation on purpose and literally /died/ multiple times all in service of a plan that /he could’ve abandoned himself at multiple points/, That Dream, suddenly decides he gonna call it all off after a 15 minute conversation? Really?

And to be clear, I’m not saying that it feels unrealistic for Dream to regret his actions. In fact, I think it’s likely a part of him has regretted them since he started doing them. But Dream’s reaction to things going wrong has always been to either deflect or dig his heels in. To convince himself that it’s worth it. And above all, to never show Anyone that regret, because that would mean being vulnerable.

C!Tommy ‘understanding his motives’ wouldn’t make c!Dream happy or willing to listen to him, in fact it feels more in line with his character for him to be deeply angered and disturbed by this. There’s no way I can believe that c!Dream would want anyone, much less c!tommy, seeing what he likely considers to be deeply personal memories. C!Dream may want to be understood deep down, but that desire is overwhelmed by his crushing fear of being known. It’s why he cut off c!george and c!Sapnap in the first place, and why he’s dodgy in acknowledging c!Punz as more than just an ally. To c!dream, being understood means being hurt. It means giving someone else control over you.

And maybe c!Dream could overcome this, could realize he was only hurting himself and everyone around him, could realize that /this wasn’t really what he wanted/ but not in 15 goddamn minutes. Not when, from his perspective, his plan had finally come to fruition and he was in a position to obtain Goddamn Immortality. The Only Reason c!Dream was written to have such a quick turn around was because cc!Dream wanted to soften his character at the last second, despite his entire arc before this being built on him essentially sunk-cost-fallacying himself into self destructing and dragging everyone down with him.

Justice for c!Dream. In my heart of hearts you died drunk on your own hubris attempting to become an immortal death god.

#dsmp #dsmp meta #c!dream #dsmp finale #dsmp neg #I see c!Dream apologists celebrating this ending and I. cannot understand why #not even from my own bias perception of just not wanting a c!Dream redemption arc at all #but just like. if I had been hoping for a c!Dream redemption arc or for him to be portrayed sympathetically #likely for years #and this was what I got?#id be insulted #there’s no development #it doesn’t feel earned or in character #and three seconds later it’s all undone by amnesia anyway #it’s not even c!dreams choice #it only happens bc of what c!tommy sees in limbo #like #this is really what you guys wanted?#long post

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absolutebl · 2 years

Text

Secret Crush On You - the good, the bad & THE AGONY of indecision

a not so quick, and not quite pitch for...

Secret Crush On You

(Thailand, Feb-May YouTube)

Rating: 7/10

(let me explain!)

Main Tropes: stalking, obsession, hottest guy on campus, multiple couples, queer affirming

Previously known as Stalker the series, and you can TELL. Co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with mostly fresh faces it was pure pulp and... I hated the plot.

In fact I was ALL OVER THE PLACE with this show.

I ADORED both queer friendship groups, and the language use that resulted, and the main character reads as out gay and a bit femme, which is lovely to see. As @heretherebedork pointed out this show is basically giving the characters that usually get punch downed on, mocked, side-lined, and pillorized, their own love stories and happy endings - and I LOVE THAT for them. And for Thailand.

The show even hangs a lantern on this in a flash of brilliant self reference:

But (and you knew there was a big ol’but coming) the stalker aspect was far too much for me. Toh, the lead, was so cringey I dropped it at ep 3 because it had become my personal hellscape of second hand embarrassment. Those whose opinion I trust WOULD KEEP talking about it here, so I gave it a second... and then a third try.

Like Bridesmaids or The Hangover this is NOT a style of humor or romcom that I enjoy at all.

As is often the case with stories of this type, initially Toh came off as desperate, needy, and awkward while Nuea had no personality.

This meant that I could find no reason for Nuea to fall in love with Toh (although sexual attraction seemed to play a BIG role and that, by episode 6 started to save the show for me). Also the only reason I could find for Toh to like Nuea was Nuea’s appearance (fair cop).

Self consciously, the narrative seemed to recognize its own flaw in this matter too and sought to address it by hanging yet another lantern (or two) on it in the final episode but, I was over it by then.

And while Nuea did grow out of his blandness, Toh never stopped being a complete nightmare (for me).

Certainly as we got to know Toh better his disposition was better understood (Austen) BUT I never grew to like him, or entirely understand why Nuea liked him, either.

I DID like how very first love and gay sexual journey of discovery Toh & Nuea’s relationship was.

This was one of those rare (and much coveted) BLs where the characters actually do seem to want to fuck each other.

In fact, SCOY’s Nuea & Toh are the pinnacle of that awkward first-time super-sexualized relationship. Their hormones practically leak off the screen. I REMEMBER what this was like. Knowing how cool you want to be, but also just craving another human THAT BADLY you totally forget your cool.

And frankly, I like that in a BL drama. Really good, adolescent first love, shown in a positive light with a pro-sex message as well a themes of communication and safe sex? We NEVER get that from Thailand. In fact, we rarely get it in any gay shows, anywhere, BL or not BL. Just ANYWHERE.

The fact that this show featured a drunk kiss that was NEGOTIATED ahead of time blew my mind. How clever. What a subtle way to address dub con.

In this aspect the actors did a GREAT job, especially Billy (who played Nuea).

There was an awkward raw visceral connection going on with these two that really worked and that previously only Taiwan and Japan have ever bothered to attempt. The other show that got this DOWN was HIStory 3 the BL that shall not be named (but the actors are clearly much older).

All that said, I spent more time cringing than enjoying the main couple.

The side couples, however.

THE SIDE COUPLES!

I lost my mind first over Sky & Jao.

A confident cheesy king who falls head over heals for the sweet scared boy with self worth issues and makes no bones about his interest?

Actually we have seen this trope before, but it was so perfectly executed with this show.

And then at the very end SCOY gave us Intouch & Daisy

Even though I wasn’t really talking about this show in the bloggosphere, I had to talk about them.

Daisy & Intouch did not have enough screen time, and I could watch a full series all about them.

I think the show runners didn’t have quite enough faith in standard Thai BL watchers’ willingness to invest in them as a couple, over which I am quite sad. Because I get why. But in this matter, at least, I wish the show had been even more brave and boundary pushing.

In the end, for me, this show was a real doozy.

It was a mix of Thai cheer meets creepy, Taiwanese in-your-face queer, and Japanese chaos muffin slapstick (like Kieta Hatsukoi).

Was it successful mixing these things?

Not for me.

It had a ton of things I really did not like (e.g. the humor was crass and awkward, and the whole thing was extremely CRINGE). It also had things that really worked: (e.g. representation of multiple different kinds of queerness, about which it very Taiwanese - in that there was no doubt that the characters really did want to bone). It was the opposite of sanitized gay. Honestly, if you can make it through the first half, and survive the never ending cringe-factor that IS this show, the second half is entirely unique - content we’ve never seen before in BL.

SCOY must be applauded for giving us, without question, the queerest, most honest, most truly gay Thai BL campfest that I’ve ever seen.

It has to be praised for everything that it does accomplish:

beautiful peer groups;

all powerful and encompassing friendship support;

those friend’s giving equally bad advice & gossiping;

discussions of topping versus bottoming and safe sex;

examinations of wife/husband language;

concerns around body image and self-worth;

AND the gross, weird, ugly, hilarious side of all of the above.

Did I love this show?

Absolutely not.

Did I want to love it?

Fuck yes.

Do I admire what it was trying to do and, to a certain extent, did do?

Absolutely.

SCOY drove me nuts and made me bush but had flashes of unparalleled genius.

SCOY was many things (a lot of them annoying af) but it what it was, primarily, was actually quite special.

So, I remain conflicted.

SCOY made me feel whiplash and I hate that sensation. But I love what it was attempting. I loved when it was suddenly very sexy but then I hated SO MUCH when it was suddenly not sexy at all. I certainly fast forwarded more than I watched. But when I paused to take it in, it did get fun and enjoyable.

If you like slapstick and you don’t mind cheese and cringe then you likely enjoy this BL quite a bit. In the end, this one really came down to a matter of taste. It’s not to my personal taste, the narrative was hit or miss, but its intention was pure gold. This one waffled from 5-9, so I ended up just going with 7/10.

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS, just not the usual ones

Final note, the sub team on this show was AWESOME, gotta give them a shout out.

They did mad good work.

(source)

#secret crush on you #bl review #series review #scoy #scoy review #scoy series #thai bl #thai bl series #thai drama series #queer romance #asian bl #recommended bl #quick pitch bl #you should watch this #or maybe no #it's up to you

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lyriakisser · 1 year

Note

Ok so i think paralive can be divided into 3 parts to be better understood, aka the past, first live and second battle live. The information is pretty left around and you can gather stuff from their tweets and songs, but SPECIALLY the audio dramas which i can send you the link to if you want

Past is where the phantometals were created and the characters traumas stem from and how they got to where they currently are. We don't know a LOT about it but there is a fair share of information for us to pierce stuff together. Apparently a group of scientists found out the properties of this metal called phantometals and they can create illusions based on their emotions and singing, shit happens and the previously major group (buraikan) disappears without a trace until a competition (paradox live.) Begins which gives the winner group money *and* a chance to challenge buraikan

So. A quick rundown of each character and their traumas.

B∆e — Allen had his music style repressed by his parents and records burnt once, it's why the phoenix is his image (being reborn from the ashes). Anne had their entire self repressed as they are amab but she enjoys presenting herself femininely and was also forced to be their moms ideal prince. Hajun was sort of closed off from his family after shit went down and i think it's important to recognize his dad is a piece of shit + there's a lot on him + dongha tbh.

TCW — found family part 1. Neoakira and Yoheis trauma are somewhat pretty close since they're both connected to the same woman (Tsubaki, the dead third member in their past trio, the wife of one of them and also the mirrors of their old unit to bae, which is why yohei was so worried about the three performing together initially) with one losing her and the other being the one who turned off her life support. Shiki has a LOT of shit going on but tldr wow trauma. Ryu is a laboratory experiment (number 0) and it's better explained on the tcw x 1nm8 voice drama, but basically Ryu doesn't remember *anything* about his past at all

Cozmez aka the twins — Both had an extremely shitty live with no parents and the 'older' one (kanata) then having to take care of both of them. Because of that they submit themselves to a lot of stuff like phantometals experiments which caused one of the two to almost be corrupted. Kanata also works under ioris hand from time to time for money and they live on the slums, yeah

AKYR — found family 2. Also shared trauma but theirs is like. Between all 5 sort of. Iori is their leader and also the leader of the suiseki group and their trauma is exactly connected to the death of a shitton of members from the group, but also more. Zen used to work as a police officer before he left to work with iori after some stuff went down on the office and he got too scared to continue, but he agreed with ioris views. Satsuki is silly but also he is a young delinquent and because of that he saw pretty much everyone he loves/trusts go to jail while trying to protect him until he ended in the suiseki group. Reos parents are divorced and he grew up in an ambient of fights and shouts to the point he does call akyr his one real family. Hokusai was constantly shunned from society due to having a criminal dad even if he himself wasn't that and is why he found comfort in animals, since they don't judge him for that

The newest 4 are a bit more complicated since we have less information on

Visty — past visty, aka when kei was still in the group. Since he left (will talk more on the 1nm8 part) shogo was heavily affected due to suddenly lost attention and stopped believing he could be an idol until he was cheered up by the others. Toma is cheery and happy but this also affects him as he's afraid of only being seen as the happy positive one because sometimes he wants to show his other emotions too. Aoi admires Anne because while aoi is afab, he dreams of being a princely guy and because of that he idolizes Anne, wishing he could be as confident as her. Kantaro is an egosurfer and dwells on attention and praise, always updating social medias etc

Amprule — amprule is a complicated one and ill admit i don't know much about them. The tldr i can give you is some drama with the yeon family and dongha ending all alone too

1nm8 — shared trauma part 3. All of them were grown in a facility and subjected to experiments which changed them and gave them abilities (rokutas superforce etc). Kei used to be part of visty before he left to be able to help the other two out of the facility and they all started working together, while also trying to help the 0 (Ryu) as he seems to have lost all their memories

Gokuluck — also a complicated one as we didn't get much info on one of them for now. Yuto has did and goes from a good cop to the one that helps the inmates (hancho). Ryoga is connected to satsukis somewhat and it's heavily implied he's in jail after helping satsuki somehow. Kenta is a hacker and had a virus that could destroy governments all over the world which is why he was sent to jail for security measures. Shion is a bit more complicated but it is *implied* (not confirmed) he was sent to jail on accident/after manipulation from someone else. After that he became a hedonist and basically only seeks pleasure in life and has it as the one thing he cares for

OK. TIME FOR PART 1 EXPLANATION

w gat the hell

#these guys really are fucked up ohman

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dani474 · 9 months

Text

I watched Haikyuu finally. I finished Season 1 on [07/16/23] and the last season on [07/19/23].

I absolutely loved this series, and while I already knew that from having read the manga previously (2021 reread), I had never watched it, and this just brought forth that love again.

I deeply enjoyed watching the animations of the characters and the matches, it really gave them life, and it was nice to hear everyone's voices. I watched seasons 1-3 in Animelon and used English and Japanese subtitles, but watched season 4 (To The Top) on a zoro.to equivalent website with only English subtitles. The animation quality in the second part of season 4 was a bit wonky at times, but looked very good during up close frames.

When I first watched it, I was excited to see the Shiratorizawa match, but I have to say that my absolute favorite match was Karasuno v. Inarizaki. It was super long and super intense the entire way through, but I had so much fun. I had to try not to scream at all of the character moments we got to see.

This is one of my favorite manga/anime series (both are great), with fun and realistic characters, great development for quite a few of them, a variety of personalities, and great volleyball matches. I think this one is a 10/10 for me. It may not be technically perfect, it may not develop all characters equally, and it may have very obvious teenage boy humor, but it's genuinely good, and the flaws don't detract from its story, as they're not distractingly obvious, in my opinion.

Some of my favorite details from this series would have to be: getting to see into the philosophies of other teams, and the concept of having a "moment", which is introduced during the [Tokyo Expedition Arc] and carries out in real time canon (as in not during a flashback), twice.

My favorite character Arc would have to be Tsukishima's, then Hinata's, in very different ways.

I loved watching Tsukishima question why it mattered so much, and how Bokuto's words stuck with him so clearly.

I loved watching him slowly becomes more entrenched in the sport, taking it more seriously and taking the time to put his effort into training a bit more, asking questions, and even guiding his teammates during matches with his observations. I love how strongly he felt about being pulled from the Shiratorizawa match, and I loved seeing his "moment", and how he couldn't ever go back.

It was genuinely an incredible thing to witness, and I love how that moment stays with him, until he's fighting to win the Inarizaki match with every once of strength and reflex he has, connecting with his team fully.

And I think I really enjoyed watching him become friends with the other first years too, especially Hinata. I felt he truly understood Hinata after he crashed the Shiratorizawa Youth Training Camp, and trusted him during the Inarizaki match.

His quiet moment of realization after the match, where Bokuto's words and his own understanding of what they really meant surfaces again, as he sees that in another person. I just genuinely love it so much.

And I love Hinata's development, not as his perspective develops (because he was already pretty set, let's be honest), but obviously because of his growth as a player. I love how at first that growth is immature, but quickly becomes more and more intensive and thought focused. He learns from others, constantly challenges himself and others, and then reaches a point where his hunger is greedy and intrusive, forcing him to redirect how he learns and views the court. That experience led him to truly learn how volleyball functions as an entire court, rather than just as a wing spiker, and his ability to not only understand the behaviors of others, but to mimic and retain them alongside his quick reflexes created that "moment" for him later on.

I could see that entire process in motion and it was awesome. I think it's a fun parallel to Tsukishima, as they came from very different places but still develop a strange admiration and understanding, while retaining everything that made them. I just love it.

And yeah, I really liked Kageyama's development too. I think it was very realistic in how he slipped back into bad habits after the All-Japan Youth Camp, but also was quick to recognize that he might be doing so, despite his criticisms being necessary to communicate to his team. We can see how deeply that match in junior high cuts him, and I love that he's with a team that allows him to grow from that, without being left alone. Hinata shows him this in the most obvious, simple way, but the entire team steps into that and it results in a Karasuno that functions much more like a unit.

I just, genuinely love this series and enjoyed the entire process.

#haikyuu #tsukishima kei #hinata shouyou #meta #queue #my screencaps #my post #mine.img #mine.txt

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alephskoteinos · 1 year

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I heard yesterday about an article concerning the Avestas, the central texts of Zoroastrianism. Part of the article argues that the last stanzas of the first three Gathas conclude with the wish that "life may be made excellent", or that "what is most excellent according to wish may be made real". This is the concern of "frashokereti", which is traditionally understood as the great renovation of the universe, meaning the transformation of creation which is to take place after the destruction of Angra Mainyu and the Daevas.

But I fixated on "what is most excellent according to wish may be made real". It so obviously resonated with the way we understand magick, in modern terms at least: the transformation of the world and the self in accordance with will. Now, there are many centuries between these contextual worlds, but what of the power of interpretation? After all, is it not Ahura Mazda, upon having totally defeated his enemies, who is reshaping creation in accordance with his will as a deity? And what is the magician striving to do if not to reshape and recreate their own world in the fashion of their will, even in cases where they might claim that they are merely a vessel for some will other than their own?

Not to mention, might we not make the obvious connection to art? As I wrote in my article titled "The Art", art is fundamentally will. In broad terms that means that art cannot be understood properly without individual subjectivity, and is thus to be correctly understood as the conveyance of individual subjectivity, perhaps in relation to form and with the aim of being received by others. In this sense, art is not so far apart from magick, since both centre around the subjective universe and, therefore, creative will. You can probably understand at this point why so many occultists or occultniks also happen to be artists: the two worlds are often more or less inseparable from each other.

The end point of the Zoroastrian cosmos is renovation per the will of Ahura Mazda. The apparent wish of the Gathas is that life be made excellent according to wish. I say we can resonate back to Nietzsche's pronouncement (I think it was in The Will To Power) that art is the task of life. People may assert that art has to be understood as the exclusive purview of human genius. The anarcho-primitivist often takes this as a strike against art, which they view solely as a means of symbolic domination. In either case, I entirely reject this opinion. There is a wealth of evidence suggesting that non-human animals are capable of producing what we call art. The difference between species could then be said to be a matter of sophistication, content, and arguably meaning. But however others may interpret this fact, I interpret it as a sign that perhaps Nietzsche's opinion that art is the proper task of life may not be too far from the truth. Life ceaselessly, perhaps even amorally, strives for its own perpetuation, sentient beings strive to preserve their will as value beyond time, and perhaps this is inexorably connected to the insatiable desire to impart distinct individual subjectivity into the world, which previously does not recognise it.

Thus, magick and art lie at the centre of the problem of meaning, and its potential individual resolution, even on nihilistic terms.

#magick #zoroastrianism #left hand path #frashokereti #will #art #philosophy

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otomegrandma · 2 years

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your art is very good! i think you made me give togafuka a chance, i kinda like them now. i would love to know your points of views on this ship

Hello! Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad my art has gotten across to some people like this.

I've always understood why many people don't like togafuka or dismiss it outright, and I don't really take issue with this point of view. I obviously like them, but these are two characters with a lot of issues, and so the way they interact with eachother (or with anyone) is going to be bound up in all that until they change. Actually, in a way I think this is part of why I like the ship - it's hard to see Byakuya interacting with, for example, Chihiro without feeling bad for Chihiro, and when Makoto is trying to befriend Byakuya I can tell it takes a lot out of him just to be around him, and I want to think Makoto deserves to spend time with someone who respects him more. But because Touko and Byakuya are both nasty people, having them spend time together is kind of like a quarantine, haha. We see in DR1 that both Touko and Byakuya often exclude themselves from the rest of the class, and so they end up "excluded together"

While I like Touko and Byakuya's interactions during the killing game, the way they are during this period is clearly not conducive to a relationship. Even though they seem very different on the surface, however, I think they actually have a lot in common - having difficult childhoods, preferring a blunt way of speaking rather than delicacy, you know. As they change as people independently, I imagine that their relationship to eachother could change as they may begin to see eachother in a different light. I think Fukawa already sees and thinks of Byakuya a bit differently by DRAE, and as Byakuya becomes better at forming sincere connections with people (which he is incapable of in DR1) he may begin to admire things in her he previously dismissed.

To be honest, I also just find them really funny. I like that Fukawa gets to be a funny female character, and I like that in their dynamic it reveals a bit of Togami's gap moe ignorance and he can get flustered. Its fun (and endearing in a mean way) to imagine them bonding over insulting and gossiping about their friends together.

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chaosbled · 1 year

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Verse Drop!

#VERSE VIII || Like Kintsugi We Mended Our Broken Pieces Together With Silver & Gold { BODYGUARD AU / prodigls }

Warning: The following verse summary will contain dark & triggering subject matter, including but not limited to — human experimentation, medical abuse, child abuse, CSA, mental illness related subjects ( such as depression, ptsd, self harm / suicidal ideation, eating disorders ), murder, torture, human trafficking, sexual assault, & more. This verse is free for anyone to write with me in, but it is ship exclusive with @nonhumen's Dazai, as they are married & in a mutually exclusive / monogamous relationship. Any other Dazais who would like to interact may, but it will be treated as a crossover or as though Chuuya is meeting a different universe's Dazai. If you have any questions please let Ori or I know, & go follow them if you aren't already!

It all began when Chuuya forced Dazai to come with him to hang out with the Flags one day. Looking back on it, he can't even remember why he was forcing his partner to join him, they were barely sixteen & didn't even really like each other all that much, together only because Mori insisted on it, Chuuya being Dazai’s 24/7 glorified suicide watch & Dazsi being Chuuya’s ability suppressant. But that one decision to drag Dazai out with him changed the course of everyone's lives forever.

Honestly, he wasn't really expecting them to hit it off as well as they did. Chuuya never understood why people avoided Dazai like the plague in the Mafia, why all of the harsh & judgmental nicknames for a kid — a slightly fucked up kid, sure, but still just a kid like himself. Black wraith of the Port Mafia? Demon prodigy? Not human? Who the hell talks about an orphaned teenager that way? Dazai had previously shot down an invitation to join the Flags almost a year ago when they'd both officially become Port Mafia members, but it didn't stop Piano Man from welcoming him to their weekly hang out anyways. Someone, probably Albatross, managed to goad Dazai into joining a game of pool. He was crushed by them... until the next round where, having memorized all of their techniques by observing them, he learns how to play with the same calculating finesse he does everything else. It became a running joke to try to get Dazai to look away whenever they came up with a new strategy so he wouldn't be able to use it against them next turn.

After that, Piano Man’s gentle encouragement physically dragging Dazai out of his shipping container death trap of a home would lure Dazai into their regular game nights.

Soon enough, Dazai was the newest unofficial member of their little group. To the point where he didn't tattle on them for leaking information about Chuuya's origins to him before he reached Executive status. He especially seemed to gravitate towards Lippmann & Iceman, bonding over the former with their unknowingly similar childhoods with busy upper class parents who placed enormous pressures on them from a young age, & the latter because of his calm, cool & non intrusive nature, sometimes choosing to skip the games & just sit at the bar with Iceman to drink. Albatross loved getting a rise out of Dazai like a super annoying brother, but Doc kept his distance, perhaps sensing Dazai's unease with those relating to a medical profession. He & Iceman would be the first one to clue into the fact that Dazai was struggling with an active Pavinal ( a prescription only, morphine-based painkiller that is not supposed to be given to minors ) addiction.

A couple of months after the hangouts became regular, Dazai was tipped off to the fact that they were being watched. He quickly discovered the identity of their stalker was Verlaine, international King of Assassins, & the supposedly dead partner of Arthur Rimbaud, who was presently in a coma. Based on what he could find out about the man, he realized he was most likely coming for Chuuya, & a plan was formed. Lippmann's connections made it easy to procure a top tier makeup & special effects team who could actively fake the deaths of five people simultaneously, while they were secretly being protected by an Ability user with the power to slow time down for specific people just long enough the Flags were able to avoid the massacre while fooling Verlaine &, unfortunately necessary for the plan, Chuuya. In his grief he hunted Verlaine down mercilessly but was tricked & captured by Professor N, a lead scientist for the now defunct branch of government responsible for the Arahabaki Project, who claimed to be Chuuya's 'father'. After ruthlessly killing Chuuya's clone right in front of him, declaring that he didn't need it because he had the real thing now, he proceeded to shoot Chuuya several times, hang him in his lab by the barbed wire wrapped around his wrists & impale him in the gunshot wounds with metal spikes while electrocuting him & drugging him with Midazolam in an effort to erase his memories & personality so he could restart the project. Verlaine rescued him from N's merciless torture & tried to goad Chuuya into killing him. Believing Verlaine had murdered his friends in cold blood, Chuuya chose to avenge them rather than himself & initiated another fight with his older brother, although he was also attacked by the reanimated skeleton of his dead clone, horrifying both him & Verlaine.

In the end, Chuuya's grief prompted him to use Corruption for the very first time to stop Verlaine from destroying Japan after his own singularity, Demonic Beast Guivre, was involuntarily released by him due to N manipulating his top secret programming. He defeated him, nearly dying himself in the process & sacrificing any chance he had at recovering his childhood memories. Meanwhile, Rimbaud awoke from his coma shortly following the laboratory incident & though greatly weakened, went searching for Verlaine when he heard what had happened. If N had his notes, that meant he had the power to kill Guivre, which would also kill his partner, & he could not allow that. Using the technology that was hidden in the secondary laboratory location & what was left of the Arahabaki cells originally implanted in Chuuya, Rimbaud combined it with the secondary Ability of his Illuminations to create a new singularity, untainted by Guivre. It weakened his own powers a bit, but he considered it a worthy sacrifice. Then he went searching for his thought-dead partner, finding him just as his heart was about to give out, having used up every ounce of energy he had. He had a short conversation with Verlaine, who seemed to be under the impression he was a ghost or an after image; the Port Mafia had falsified Rimbaud's death records to prevent any French intelligence from trying to cause trouble. Finally, Rimbaud implanted the new singularity he created.

When Chuuya woke up in the infirmary, it was to all his friends standing around him. He thought he was hallucinating at first, & when he realized that was not the case, he broke down crying in relief. Upon seeing Dazai standing in the corner he demanded the other boy come over, knowing this was his doing. Expecting to be punched by the angry redhead, Chuuya shocked him speechless for a moment by hugging Dazai, though he quickly recovered enough to hide the reaction by whining that his dog wouldn't heel. Chuuya began training with Verlaine to become better at using his Ability, & the two slowly came to an understanding that they did share a lot of similarities... but also a lot of differences in the way they viewed the world. The result was an amicable if slightly awkward connection to the closest thing to a biological 'family' either had. Over the next several months, Dazai & Chuuya gained infamy in the criminal underworld as Double Black, a chaotic duo of devastating rivals competing to be the next Port Mafia Executive, who took down every enemy that stood against them with their combined power. In the end Chuuya was promoted first, but Dazai quickly paid him back by stealing his title of Youngest Port Mafia Executive by being less than three months younger than he was. The two began to almost look forward to partnering together. Unfortunately, Corruption came with unforeseen consequences for Chuuya, mostly in the form of health issues. He'd always had a baseline temperature & resting heart rate that would send most people speeding towards the nearest ER, but now he had a greatly increased appetite, more temperamental outbursts, hypoglycaemia when over using his Ability, & his hair began growing like crazy to the point he needed to cut it at least once a month or it would be down to his lower back.

Because of this, Chuuya's caloric requirements went up significantly per day, & especially before a predicted Corruption usage & following one, he needed to eat a lot. He was burning calories faster than an Olympic level athlete. With his increased energy output & dietary requirements came bigger meals... & then the comments from people who didn't understand how his Ability was affecting him. "Eating for two kid?", "Trying to bulk up, Chuuya-kun?", "Hungrier than usual today, Sir?" Along with pre-existing self esteem & identity issues, Chuuya found himself cutting down on the portions he ate in front of other people. First eating smaller meals, then avoiding eating where others could see him at all. He tried to maintain a healthy diet & found himself fixated on things like organic food, non GMO, … then he he started developing Orthorexia. But when people still continued to comment on his body & appearance, the 'healthy eating' kick quickly turned dangerous. He began thinking it wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. He was too small, too short & non muscular but also thinking he weighed too much for such a small, runty body. He began to skip meals entirely. After getting lightheaded in front of Mori & Kouyou, he was warned to make sure he was eating properly &, if he was having trouble finding time for proper meals, to at least have a protein drink or a soda when his energy got low. He didn't listen. He kept pushing himself to eat less & less... & when the hunger pains got to be too much he would eat as much as he could to stop the gnawing pain in his stomach, only to ‘erase’ it in shame of what he’d don’t. At that point the calorie restricting developed into full blown Anorexia ( binging / purging subtype ). His friends suspected, but no one knew for sure. On top of feeling worse & worse about himself, the now seventeen year old was missing Dazai, who had been spending less time with the Flags after making a couple of new friends who he liked to hang out with at the bar. Because of these factors, Dazai was, for once, oblivious to the situation going on with his partner, both with his health & his jealousy of him spending so much less time with him. Until a situation in which Chuuya used Corruption a mission, but only had managed to choke down about half of the estimated calories he would need to minimize the damage. The pair were about to leave the mission site when Chuuya suddenly stumbled & collapsed, vomiting blood profusely & going into a violent seizure, sending his partner into a panic.

What came to light next horrified each & every person that was close to Chuuya.

He was 5'3" & only 88lbs ( nearly 34lbs underweight ), with significant scarring in his throat & knuckles & moderate Corruption-induced organ damage to show that he had not only been starving himself, but inducing vomiting after binge eating to alleviate the hunger pains. Considering Mori had made it clear from the beginning of their partnership that Chuuya & Dazai were to keep each other alive & report any serious injury / illness / unhealthy activity to him that could compromise their work, he indirectly blamed Dazai for allowing Chuuya to get this bad, & after humiliating Chuuya to the point of tears by forcing him to undress & weigh himself in front of them to 'prove' that he 'wasn't that sick' ( something Chuuya insistently claimed at the beginning of his recovery ), Mori put Dazai in charge of getting Chuuya back to his pre-ED weight & suspended Chuuya from all Mafia activity effective immediately, until he could get back to a weight that wouldn't actively place his life in danger. In the end, Dazai ended up living with Chuuya for several months, helping him buy food, clear his apartment of anything that would be relapse-triggering. It was hard, it was painful Chuuya screamed & cussed him out & even attacked him once or twice but Dazai refused to budge an inch... & in the end, Chuuya managed to recover, he was 130lbs by the time he was permitted to return to work, 135lbs by the time he reached 18.

Which was approximately when everything went to Hell in a handbasket.

After making the decision to remain with Dazai following his murder of Ougai Mori, Chuuya & the Flags did what they could for damage control. As it turned out, it wasn't needed. There was a lot of discontent in the Port Mafia with the way Mori ran things. Dazai was ruthlessly efficient. They started out fearing him but, towards the end of the first year, they respected him as well. Chuuya gave up his role as heading the Mafia's black market jewel trade to become Dazai's personal bodyguard & a personal assistant of sorts as well as his second in command should he ever be unable to do his job as Boss. Kouyou & Hirotsu were finally given permission to retire & the Flags were immediately promoted to Executives: Iceman became the head of the Port Mafia's security; Lippmann retained his position as their communications liaison, Piano Man managing the creation of counterfeit money, the jewel trade & the Mafia's financials in addition to taking care of their domestic enemies, Doc began heading his own handpicked medical staff for the infirmary floors of the Port Mafia HQ, having gained Dazai's complete trust after helping him detox from his Pavinal addiction & being the only one to ever read the extensive medical files Mori had collected on him; & Albatross was in charge of the illegal automotive black market & as well as top priority transport matters for Port Mafia; he regularly maintains & upgrades their personal vehicles as well, checking them for signs of tampering, etc.

At the age of 19, Chuuya & Albatross attempted to go on a date & even shared a kiss together, but found the situation to be extremely awkward & akin to kissing a sibling, so they chose not to pursue a relationship despite Chuuya's old crush on him when he was barely 16. The truth was, he didn't want to date Albatross, because he was head over heels in love with his best friend, his partner. They wasted so much time not knowing how the other felt, not being sure how they themselves felt, that by the time the truth came out & they finally had their first kiss.. all they could do was laugh about how stupid they had been all these years. Being together hardly felt different from just being partners, except with kissing now. Lots of kissing. They went up engaged before the end of the year after a long discussion about the ramifications, the illegality of gay marriage in Japan, & Dazai's ever present demons that still try to urge him to take his own life, even when he's at the happiest he's ever felt in his life. In the end, they decide it's worth it. They're never going to want anybody else, after all, regardless of how long they have together, be it six months or sixty years.

He ends up proposing to Dazai on the Rialto Bridge at sunset, in Venice, after a business trip where he took Dazai on a tour of the city. Chuuya proposed with custom made rings of ultra durable tungsten, inspired by the Japanese art of Kintsugi, or using gold lacquer to make beautiful something that was broken.

Unfortunately, right around the time they return is when N — who everyone thought had been killed by Guivre — made a reappearance. He contacted Chuuya in the middle of the night & threatened to trigger Corruption remotely in him & kill his loved ones unless he met with him, effectively allowing himself to be captured by the mad scientist. By the time Dazai & the Flags realized he was missing & not merely late, the 19-year-old had been brutally tortured by his creator, cut up & interrogated, even branding him on the back of the neck with the same barcode tattoo Chuuya had as a child & burned off three years ago in an effort to reclaim his autonomy. He showed Dazai live feed of Chuuya being horribly electrocuted, threatening him into handing over Rimbaud's Arahabaki files so he could continue the work he claims 'cost him everything'. Dazai quickly deduced where Chuuya was being kept based on the footage & agreed to meet N on the Yokohama Bay Bridge. N met them with Chuuya at gunpoint &, after Dazai handed the files over to N, he attempts to shoot them both. Dazai tackles N off the bridge into the cargo ship below, causing the scientist to break nearly every bone in his body from the fall. Dazai then burns the Arahabaki files right in front of him, content to let the two of them burn to death with them, until N reveals that he wasn't missing all of the files... & up on the bridge, Chuuya's Corruption is involuntarily activated, effortlessly defeating his friends. Without Guivre, even Verlaine can only just hold his own against his little brother. Dazai leaves N to slowly die in agony while he gets back up top & manages to save Chuuya from doing something he'd never forgive himself for, like killing their family.

The incident with N brought back a lot of childhood trauma for Chuuya regarding his experimentation & torture. The barcode makes him breakdown, & he has to be restrained from cutting it off with a scalpel because Doc warned it would need surgery to remove & fix, that cutting into scar tissue like that was extremely dangerous. Chuuya does eventually get it removed & the scar tissue covered up with a tattoo. As a result of N's work, Chuuya's body ends up rejecting Arahabaki &, in a graphic & horrifying display, the deity rips its way out of Chuuya's body, acting exceedingly confused, angry, petulant & overall childlike while Chuuya just barely survives the split, though as they learn they are still connected. Arahabaki, in fact, is connected to both Chuuya & Verlaine due to its cells being infused with their bodies. They do grow to care for each other, & Arahabaki ends up being a bit of a wild card for Dazai, albeit a powerful one, that he tries & fails to keep under control on a regular basis.

Chuuya & Dazai end up getting married on September 23rd, at twenty years old, coinciding with the Tsukimi Autumn moon-viewing festival, dancing with utterly lovestruck expressions on their faces.

After their marriage is a blissful few months, including their first Christmas as a couple followed by a spring honeymoon to several locations neither had been so that they could explore them together. Unfortunately, the peace was inevitably going to be broken at some point. Despite the amicable relationships Dazai had managed to forge with the ADA & SDUP, there were other people to do business with, including, as it turns out, politically aligned business owners from the North... former associates of the father of Shuuji Tsushima, a name which should have remained dead & buried 8 years ago.

Neither of them realized who they were meeting with until Dazai saw one man's face & recognized it. A feeling which was returned. By the time they concluded their meeting, Dazai knew for a fact that he'd been recognized. Fortunately, sensing his husband's terror ( though not knowing the reason for it at the time ), Chuuya bugged them as they left, & the ensuing conversation only confirmed his fears. Not only did the man, Matsuda, know who he was, he intended to use the information to blackmail Dazai into allowing him control of the pharmaceutical trade in their region, & to reopen the human trafficking posts Dazai had shut down over two years ago. After a few two many crude comments to his business associate about wanting to borrow Chuuya as part of their deal, Dazai snapped & called upon the Flags to work on damage control, to keep the information from spreading. He sent Chuuya to personally watch Gen'emon Tsushima. With a little help from Arahabaki while shapeshifted into Chuuya, they managed to capture Matsuda & persuade his business partner into turning over the company assents to him in exchange for freeing him from under Matsuda's thumb & providing urgent medical care for his sick daughter.

As they were wrapping things up, Dazai informed Chuuya he could return home.

Unfortunately, a few hours later, Arahabaki was struck with a sudden pain & began bleeding from his head & chest out of nowhere, a sign Chuuya had been injured. Grabbing Dazai & dragging him through a portal, they found Chuuya's car, badly totalled, & him severely injured. Rushing him to Doc, he was admitted for surgery right away where it was revealed he'd been run off the road in an apparent assassination attempt. Consequently, he had a head injury, several major fractures, including his spine. Now, his accelerated healing process allows him to recover quickly from major injuries, but even this was a lot. Chuuya suffered temporary paralysis of the lower extremities, & was forced to use a wheelchair for a few months, followed by a couple more weeks using a cane & extensive physical therapy to relearn how to walk,

This wouldn't be the only trial they would face together; there was the Cannibalism incident, or when Dazai is arrested & sent to Meursault as part of a larger plan to stop Dostoyevsky, & Chuuya struggles to cope with his absence & having to run the Port Mafia in his stead.

The local disputes don't end after he comes home, either. At age 21 Chuuya & his subordinates were captured trying to shut down an illegal human trafficking ring, the leader ( Kuro Onizawa ) of which wound up sexually assaulting Chuuya ( drugging him, stripping him naked to take pictures for an auction & forcing him to perform oral sex on him while he was bound & out of it, also insinuating he would come back to rape him later ), & attempting to go to war with the Port Mafia itself after trying to auction off several of their members in spite. Dazai wound up capturing the man & torturing him brutally in revenge ( gouging out his eyes, severing the nerves in his wrists so he couldn’t use his hands ever again & castrating him so he could never assault another person ), keeping him chained up in the Port Mafia basement for weeks before finally killing him. Afterwards he cut the body into pieces and sent each of his overseas human trafficking connections a chunk along with a letter informing them that Yokohama was CLOSED to human trafficking, sexual or otherwise, & to not attempt to do business in his city again. At one point following Meursault, Dazai is put into a coma after getting shot in the head when his father learns he's alive & sends an assassin to kill him to protect his own reputation, leaving Dazai temporarily wheelchair bound & spending months in recovery having to relearn fine & gross motor skills + coordination / speech therapy as a result.

All of these were enemies they were forced to work together to overcome. But they did overcome them, & they will continue to do so; after all... no one ever incurred the wrath of Double Black & lived to talk about it afterwards.

~ GENERAL INFORMATION ~

Name: Nakahara Chuuya Aliases / Nicknames: Dazai Chuuya { Married Name }, Kashimura Chuuya { Birth Name }, Gravity King, Jewel King, King of the Sheep, Prototype No. 258, Ability User A5158, Arahabaki, Chibi / Chibikko / Slug / Darling { by Dazai only }, Petit Frère / Little Brother { by Verlaine }, Chuu-Chuu { by Albatross } Species: Gifted Human Gender: Cis Male ( Gender-Nonconforming ) Age: 18 - 23 D.o.B: April 29th, 20XX Hometown / Birthplace: Hiraizumi, Nishiiwai District, Iwate Prefecture, Tohoku Region, Honshu, Japan Nationality: Japanese Current Residence: Port Mafia Headquarters ( Northeastern / Main Tower ) School: Homeschooled Occupation: Port Mafia Executive / Head of Security Relationship Status: Engaged / Married { Exclusive with @nonhumen's Dazai } Sexual Orientation: Demiromantic Homosexual Family: Osamu Dazai { Fiancé / Husband }, Kurasa { Adoptive Child / Pet }, Kiyora ‘Aura’ { Adoptive Child / Pet }; The Kits ; Kaito / Kai, Fuyuko / Fuyu, Natsuki / Natsu, Haruhi / Haru, Akikaze / Aki { Adopted Pets / ‘Grandkits’ }. Kouyou Ozaki { Adoptive Sister }, Paul Verlaine { Adoptive Brother / Adoptive Father }, Arahabaki / Arashi { Ability / Deity Manifestation }, Arthur Rimbaud { Adoptive Brother-In-Law }, Ougai Mori { Adoptive Father-In-Law; Deceased }, Dr. Nakahara { Creator / 'Father'; Deceased }, Detective Murase { 'Uncle' }.

~ APPEARANCE / STYLE ~

Eyes: Chuuya has intense blue eyes that look almost violet depending on the light, but can appear different shades of gray, violet, turquoise / greenish-blue, ultramarine or azure depending on the light, his mood or even what he's wearing; when he's angry they tend to look closer to a storm-cloud gray, but when happy or excited they take on a light, almost sky blue colour. Whenever he activates Corruption his pupils & irises disappear entirely leaving an eerie, glowing white sclera.

Hair: He has ginger hair of a reddish-orange colour, leaning more towards orange than brown or red, which is cut asymmetrically & frames his face in long, wavy lengths. He occasionally wears a ponytail to keep it out of his face, especially if he has a lot of office work to do. Sometimes he likes to let Dazai braid it for him in a similar style to Verlaine. It grows much faster than the average man's due to how Upon the Tainted Sorrow effects his physiology & hormonal levels, so he needs to cut it frequently or it would be down to his waist.

Skin: Very fair. Chuuya, being a redhead, has sensitive skin that burns & freckles rather than tanning properly, so he tends to have a vigorous skincare routine to keep it healthy when he needs to be out in the sun; this results in a clear & nearly flawless complexion. During Corruption his skin turns ghostly white, & in the days/weeks of recovery afterwards it will look sallow & sickly regardless of how healthy he is.

Height: 5'3"

Weight: 100lbs - 135lbs ( 49kg to 61kg )

Clothing: During his late teens when his style was just beginning to properly emerge, Chuuya had a much less defined style that would show the emergence of his eventual fashionable flair. Around the time of the Dark Era he was wearing tight, dark jeans & loose light-coloured tops with a custom made jacket that had a red, knee-length & wavy underlayer & a black hooded overlay that was cropped shorter. He also wears the black porkpie hat with a crimson ribbon around it, later adding a silver chain to the brim. Following his separation from Arahabaki, he semi-retires the hat in favour of experimenting with his hair style. As an adult, Chuuya typically wears to work a three piece suit consisting of black heeled dress boots, dark blue trousers & blazer, a black waistcoat, deep red shirt & black tie, all high quality & custom made. He wears wrist-length black leather gloves after joining the Port Mafia. Following his experiences with N at age 19, he starts wearing black leather goatskin gloves with a touchscreen interface in the fingertips, they come up slightly passed his wrists to hide the scars on them, & allow him to still interact with the Port Mafia's security protocols. Chuuya has an extensive skincare routine, & also often wears a little bit of makeup when he goes out, whether its for work or errands or for fun, including eyeliner, foundation, & a bit of mascara or colourless lip balm.

Tattoos / Piercings / Jewellery: Chuuya has multiple piercings in each ear. His left ear has his first & second earlobe pierced with usually gemstone studs or plain black or stainless steel metal - occasionally he may do small drop or dangle earrings, an outer conch piercing - usually a small hoop or a stud, a rook stud, an anti-tragus & three small upper helix rings. In his right ear he has the first & second lobe pierced with the same type of jewellery as the left typically, & a third lobe piercing; at times he may wear a chain piercing that connects the first lobe to the third. He also has a conch piercing in his right ear, two forward helixes, a set of three tragus piercings, & an industrial. Chuuya is almost never seen without his black leather choker with a silver buckle on the throat. After getting engaged to & eventually marrying Dazai, he wears an incredibly durable ring on his left ring finger, made of a tungsten alloy. It's silver with black accents & a gold kintsugi-like lacquer design giving it a look like it was shattered & put back together again; it is designed to compliment the colours of Dazai's black, silver-accented ring with gold 'repairs'. He once had a barcode tattooed on the back of his neck...

Scars / Birthmarks: ...which he promptly burned off with a hair straightener when he was 16, shortly after becoming acquainted with Verlaine. However, the brand was re-done against his consent by N during his abduction. He was told mutilating it again could cause severe damage by Doc & instead reluctantly agreed to wait, ending up with a surgery that removed some of the built up scar tissue & repaired the rest of the damage with a skin graft. Now there's merely a slightly pinkish discolouration on the back of his neck. Aside from this, Chuuya has several bullet wound scars on his torso from getting shot by N with minor healed electrical burns surrounding them, & major scarring circling around either of his wrists from being restrained with barbed wire & hung by his arms, causing them to tear into the tissue rather deeply.

~ PERSONALITY / CHARACTER ~

Zodiac: Taurus Enneagram: The Perfectionist & The Helper Temperament: Sanguine Positive Traits: Compassionate, loyal, charming, brave, empathetic, persuasive, energetic, witty, emotionally intuitive, selfless, strong willed, optimistic, responsible, adventurous, honest, artistic, sensitive, kind-hearted, perceptive, affectionate, dependable. Negative Traits: Temperamental, competitive, perfectionist, protective, aggressive, possessive, reckless, brash, jealous, impatient, neurotic, high maintenance, self conscious, arrogant, stubborn, anxious, bossy, dramatic, critical, defensive, restless. Friends / Affiliation: The Port Mafia & the Flags / Young Bloods ( Piano Man, Lippmann, Doc, Iceman, Albatross, Dazai ), the Sheep. Paul Verlaine & Arthur Rimbaud. Detective Murase. Adam Frankenstein.

~ HEALTH ~

Physical Disabilities / Conditions: Hyperthyroidism. Non-Epileptic Grand Mal Seizures & Non-Diabetic Hypoglycemia { Following Corruption Usage }, Childhood Nutritional Deficiency & Stunted Growth. Neurological Disorders: Retrograde Amnesia; Chuuya has a near total absence of any memories of his past from the age of seven & before. Mental / Psychiatric Illnesses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder & Muscle Dysphoria, Orthorexia { Semi-Reoccurring }, Anorexia Nervosa { Binge-Eating / Purging Type; Recovered }.Chuuya has C-PTSD as a result of his childhood despite the lack of clear memory of it + his encounter with N as an adult. He also has severe, debilitating phobia of anything medical relating to himself including hospital & laboratory-like settings, needles / syringes, restraints, doctors, physical examinations, x-rays, drugs, getting blood drawn, electrodes. He dislikes tight closed in spaces, open crowds of unfamiliar people, & being submerged in any kind of deep liquid. These phobias are considered a former of Anxiety disorder themselves. Following his assault he strongly dislikes anyone who isn't a member of his family getting too close to his face.

~ SKILLS / STRENGTHS ~

Supernatural Ability: Upon The Tainted Sorrow { Primary }, Corruption { Secondary }. Following his separation from Arahabaki, Chuuya now needs to make physical contact with the god in order to trigger Corruption, as which point they temporarily merge back together again, however - on the plus side - he has more control over what he does when in that state, though he still requires Dazai's nullification to turn it off / separate them again as Arahabaki in human form is still not quite at full power & thus unable to do so himself most of the time. He & Ara share an empathy link upon their separation & can feel when the other is experiencing extreme emotions, or is in a lot of pain / danger.

Languages: Chuuya was comfortably multilingual by the time he was 18 as part of his job as a Mafia Executive who frequently travelled out of the country, meeting with foreign connections or quelling overseas disputes, etc. By that point he was fluent in several dialects of Japanese ( including those used on the islands ), English, French, South Korean, Greek, Latin, Thai, Arabic, Hindi, Mandarin & Cantonese, Spanish, Swedish, Italian, Russian, Romanian & even German. By the time Dazai usurps the position of leader & appoints Chuuya as his second in command, he is also able to read & speak Latin & Greek effortlessly, & is quickly becoming conversational in Dutch, Hindi, Arabic & Hebrew. He is also able to understand & utilize Japanese, Chinese, & American Sign Language in addition to the coded language he & Dazai created together.

Physical Abilities: Due to the physical experiments he was put through, Chuuya is shown to have above average - bordering on superhuman - strength, speed, stamina & reflexes, as he is able to easily hit hard enough to decimate a concrete pillar or wall with his fist even without the use of his ability. Chuuya is also an adept tactician & commander over his men, caring for them on a personal level to which he takes into consideration their personal abilities & directs them accordingly. He has an incredibly high pain tolerance & is considered the best martial artist in the whole Port Mafia, with a unique blended style he came up with made from tactics & manoeuvres of more than a dozen different fighting style. Even as a teenager, he was able to hold his own against fighters with much greater experience such as Hirotsu, & as well as thinking quick on his feet & digesting new information to rapidly adjust his moveset, such as when he was told of Dazai’s ability & kicked him to force him to let go of Chuuya at the last second, rendering the older mafioso’s attack null by dodging it. He is unanimously the best unarmed combatant the Port Mafia has ever seen, having mastered more than a dozen different fighting styles which he’s combined into his own unique form of combat.

Other Skills: While not a certified genius like his partner, Chuuya can be considered something of a prodigy in his own write given his adept at picking up new skills quickly. Given it was his job in the Port Mafia for a decent while, Chuuya has an excellent understanding of gemstones, minerals, jewellery & metals as part of his position in the ‘black market jewels’, & can instantly tell a genuine piece from a forgery as well as estimating its value & origin. He is said to be the best pool player among the Flags ( now tied practically equally with Dazai much to his chagrin ), & other games such as poker & Black Jack. Thanks to Kouyou drilling the information into his brain from age fifteen & on, Chuuya is an excellent host to Port Mafia guests, versed in table manners / dinner etiquette, negotiation, intercultural competence & social graces. He is a skilled pianist, & occasionally writes his own music in his spare time; sometimes he also writes poetry to express his thoughts as he finds journaling to be boring & too risky.

While not a certified child prodigy like Dazai, Chuuya is an incredibly intelligent ( if temperamental ) man who has an aptitude for quickly learning & picking up new skills. Following Suribachi, he taught himself to read with stolen or donated books, though his ability to write remained subpar until the Mafia, & he was an excellent self taught physical combatant, able to hold his own against fighters with much greater experience such as Hirotsu, & as well as thinking quick on his feet & digesting new information, such as when he was told of Dazai’s ability & kicked him to force him to let go of Chuuya at the last second, rendering the older mafioso’s attack null by dodging it. He is unanimously the best unarmed combatant the Port Mafia has ever seen, having mastered more than a dozen different fighting styles which he’s combined into his own unique form of combat. Thanks to his various teachers over the years, including Verlain, Chuuya is also an expert with reading his opponents expressions & movements, as well as with pressure points to the point he can stun, temporarily paralyze, severely wound or even ill someone by applying the right amount of force in the right spot.

Given it was his job in the Port Mafia for a decent while, Chuuya has an excellent understanding of gemstones, minerals, jewellery & metals as part of his previous position in the ‘black market jewels’, & can instantly tell a genuine piece from a forgery as well as estimating its value & origin. Due to the physical experiments he was put through, Chuuya is shown to have above average - bordering on superhuman - strength, speed, stamina & reflexes, as he is able to easily hit hard enough to decimate a concrete pillar or wall with his fist even without the use of his ability. Chuuya is also an adept tactician & commander over his men, caring for them on a personal level to which he takes into consideration their personal abilities & directs them accordingly.

#VERSE VIII || Like Kintsugi We Mended Our Broken Pieces Together With Silver & Gold { BODYGUARD AU / prodigls }#S; Circle Me & The Needle Moves Gracefully Back & Forth / If My Heart Was A Compass You’d Be North { Chuuya & Dazai / prodigls }#{ VERSE DROP }#nonhumen #prodigls

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