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redrisingsun · 3 years

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Swedish Holidays for all your Young Royals needs

Due to popular demand (by like five people) here’s a brief description of all the major Swedish holidays and how they’re celebrated because I can’t stand here and pretend as if we really celebrate Christmas the 25th. We have more holidays, I've only written about the ones we celebrate in my family. I come from a working class family and live in Southern Sweden, however I do have family in Stockholm. I'm not religious in any way and as far as I know, most families don't celebrate these holidays because they're religious, but because it's tradition.

yall better appreciate this, it took me literal hours

January

1: Dubbed as one of the collective pizza days in my household. It's the day after New Year, and most people either order in or eat leftovers.

Week 2 or 3: Most people return to their jobs, schools and other daily activities.

February/March

Fettisdagen ("Fat Tuesday"): celebrated 47 days before Easter. The actual date varies, all from early February to early March. It's an old Christian tradition where you'd eat fatty foods before the "before Easter"-fast and is supposedly a thing in other Christian countries as well. These days, most people celebrate by eating semlor with their family, and most don't fast before Easter.

The semla is a sweet bun with whipped cream and almond paste.

Våffeldagen (Waffle Day, 25th of March): I think this day stems from a Christian tradition, but these days the day is mostly to get together with family and eat waffles.

April

Påsk (Easter): Again, the date varies, but Easter is usually in April. Easter stems from Christianity and is celebrated to remember Jesus' death and resurrection. Easter spans over a week, but I personally only celebrate one of those days.

Påskafton (direct translation: Easter Eve, English translation: Holy Saturday) is the Saturday of the Easter week. In my family, the children get to look for Easter eggs (often filled with candy).

Some children also dress up as Påskkärringar (Easter crones) and I think this tradition has to do with the Witch Trials in Sweden, but I'm not sure. Chances are you won't need to know anything about this for your Young Royal fics, because mostly girls dress up.

Sometimes, we decorate eggs.

Later, we sit down to eat together and spend time with our families. Common things to eat for Easter is potatoes, eggs, herring and meatballs.

Valborgsmässoafton (Walpurgis Night, 30th): We burn a big bonfire in the evening to celebrate that spring is here. I live in a fairly small town, so mostly everyone gathers at one spot and burns the fire together. When the bonfire is burned, most people go home and that's it. It's also seen as a reason to have a party (mostly for teenagers and young adults, I think) and get drunk as fuck.

May/June

Sveriges Nationaldagen (Sweden's National Day, 6th of June): Most people are home from school and work. We hoist the Swedish flag. Idk. However, the Royal Family celebrates by getting dressed up in Swedish costumes. This year, the King held a speech and the family went to Skansen (which is an amusement park/zoo. You can read more about it here). There's music and the military does their weird little thing. You can watch the National Day Celebration on Skansen from 2014 here.

Midsommarafton (Midsummer): date varies, but is celebrated a Friday in late June. I'm sure there's a Christian explanation for this one, but I don't personally know it.

Midsommar (midsummer) means middle of the summer.

Again, this is a day to eat and spend time with your family (or drink, depending on who you are). We eat pretty much the same things for Midsummer as we do for Easter.

For Midsummer we also dance around a Midsommarstång (direct translation: Midsummer Pole, English translation: Maypole) and make flower crowns.

How Midsummer is celebrated depends a lot on your age (most teenagers and young adults again see this as a reason to party), where you're from and a million other things.

My personal favorite Midsummer tradition is probably more common in the country than in the city, for example. You're supposed to pick seven different flowers without saying a word. Then, you sleep with the flowers under your pillow. Supposedly, you'll dream of your future husband (or wife! But I think it's more common that women and girls do this). This tradition also varies. Some people say you need nine flowers and some people say you have to climb over fencing for it to count.

Some teenagers or young adults spend time with their friends to party, instead!

You can watch part of a Midsummer celebration at Skansen here.

The Royal Family usually celebrate Midsummer privately, but I think there's usually new pictures of the entire family around this time.

Day after Midsummer: Collective Pizza Day 2. Everyone either eats takeout or leftovers because no one can be bothered to make anything and like half of the population has the worst hangover they've had since New Year.

Summer Holiday Note: most people in Sweden have four weeks of paid leave each summer.

July/August

Kräftpremiär (Crayfish party) - date varies, normally early August. Basically people get together to eat crayfish and drink. You can usually get paper plates and plastic cups and whatever with ugly crayfish motives (which is fun), but I've never done this.

October

Halloween (30th): Halloween is nowhere near as big in Sweden as it is in the States. We just buy some lösgodis ("loose candy", where you can throw whatever kind of candy you want in a bag. See pictures). Trick or treat is so unusual in the town I grew up I've only ever had one kid ask for candy and when I celebrated Halloween with my grandparents (in a city not far from Stockholm), it was the same. I usually buy some candy and watch a horror movie, but that's about it.

However, Halloween is (again) a reason for teenagers and young adults to drink and party.

November

Alla Helgons Dag (All Saints' Day): Date varies, usually early November. It's a day to remember the dead and we usually light a candle at the grave yard.

December

Första Advent (First Advent): Date varies. Sunday four weeks from Christmas Eve. We mostly just light a candle, honestly. Then, each Sunday for the next four weeks, we light a candle. Here's actually the Crown Princess wishing Happy First Advent with her family! Unfortunately without English subtitles, but here's the translation: "Today is the First Advent. Advent means arrival and hope, something that feels extra important this year. (her husband lights the candle) We want to wish everyone a happy first advent!"

Andra Advent (Second Advent): date varies. We light the second candle.

Tredje Advent (Third Advent): date varies. We light the third candle.

Fjärde Advent (Fourth Advent): date varies. We light the fourth candle. In my family we usually decorate the tree this Sunday.

Julafton (Christmas Eve): Celebrated the 24th. YES, THE 24TH. Christmas Eve obviously varies from family to family, but there's a few things most people have in common. Usually, we get one gift in our sock (which hangs on our bedroom doors in my home, because we don't have a mantle) when we wake up. As kids me and my brother almost always got a movie or something to keep us busy until it was time to leave for our grandparents house.

For lunch we eat the Christmas dinner. It's the same damned food as our other holidays. Herring, meatballs, potatoes, sausages etc, but now, we also have julskinka (Christmas ham). Some people eat ham even for Easter, but we only really eat it for Christmas in my family. Obviously the food varies a little from season to season, but as a picky eater I always just eat potatoes, meatballs and ham.

At 3, Kalle Anka (Donald Duck) is on. Yeah, we watch the same damned stuff every year. It's tradition, alright? Anyway, Donald Duck lasts for an hour or so, and first you get to see Santa work in his workshop, then Disney characters wish you a Merry Christmas with scenes from their movies (original, I know). There's Lady and the Tramp, Donald Duck (obviously) and a million other things. Then there's also one or two trailers for movies Disney will release the coming year. I really couldn't be bothered to find everything on YouTube for you to watch, sorry!

After Donald Duck, we open the Christmas gifts in my family. Normally we just rip out gifts open lmao.

After opening the gifts, we usually eat a second time. This time it's time for porridge. Tomtegröt (Santa porridge) is sweet and often served with cinnamon. Usually, everyone is so stuffed at this point that you only eat because you "have" to eat porridge for Christmas (again, at least in my family).

The last thing we do in my family, is to get a puzzle out. My grandpa almost always gets a new puzzle for Christmas, so we'll put that on the dining table and work on it together until it's getting too late for us to stay.

The Royal Family usually release new pictures of the family for Christmas and wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Day after Christmas: Not a collective pizza day! There's usually too much Christmas food left to be able to order pizza. Usually, we have Christmas food to eat for four-ish days after Christmas, and by then you're getting really tired of it.

Sometimes we watch something on television, but for the most part we just sit around and spend time together. I think the Crown Princess read something from the Bible this year? I'm not actually sure if the Royal Family go to the Christmas Service, but I don't think so.

Nyårsafton (New Year's Eve): last day of the year. We shoot fireworks, eat food and dessert and spend time with family. This day we normally eat something "fancy" or something you we don't usually eat.

At twelve, we go out to light some fireworks (or just watch fireworks). When that dies down, it's time for the cheese platter. My dad wants it, no one else ever eats from it, we still do it every single year because "it's not New Year's without it". When we've had the cheese platter, everyone go to sleep and that's that.

People obviously celebrate this differently, as well. It's not uncommon to go see your friends or have guests over, and some people party rather than have fancy dinner with their parents. I personally prefer spending time with my parents, because that's what New Year's is for me.

Some people give resolutions, but I think it's more common in the States.

Christmas Holiday Note: It's common for people to not work between Christmas and New Year's Eve where I'm from.

Some things you might want to know about the Swedish Royal Family and Sweden overall:

The Royal Family in Young Royals is not the real Royal Family (obviously).

The Royal Family usually spends time on Öland during the summers.

Chances are Wilhelm and his family live at Drottningholm Slott (Drottningholm Palace) and not Stockholm Slott (Stockholm Palace). Drottningholm is used as a home for the current King and Queen and is located west of Stockholm. However, the scenes where Wilhelm is home is shot at a palace called Stora Sundby Slott. I doubt Wilhelm and his family would live here if they were the actual Royal Family since it's used as a place for people to gather when they want to hunt for sport. However, if they truly live at Stora Sundby, it takes almost two hours to drive from Stockholm to the castle.

Bjärstad is AT LEAST two hours away from Stockholm.

Bjärstad to Stora Sundby Castle takes approximately an hour and a half by car, and between nine and twelve hours by bus. Which means these two boys can't just take a twenty minute bus to see each other.

Bjärstad to Drottningholm takes a little over two hours by car and four-ish hours by bus.

Bjärstad to Stockholm Slott takes over two hours by car and three and a half hours by bus.

Hillerska is shot at Kaggeholms Slott (Kaggeholm Palace), and is a hotel.

The age of consent in Sweden is 15, HOWEVER it's illegal to have sex with someone four or more years younger than you if you're not both over the age of 18. Let me illustrate: -Person A is 15 and Person B is 15. It's legal because both are 15. -Person A is 15 and Person B is 20. It's illegal, because there's a five year old gap between them. -Person A is 15 and Person B is 18. It's legal (but probably frowned upon), because they're both 15 or older and there's not a four year gap between them. -Person A is 18 and Person B is 30. It's legal, because both are 18 or older. Idk if this makes sense or if this is what it looks like anymore, but this is what it was like when I still went to school. Obviously people aren't going to run around and call you names if you happen to date someone four years younger than you (I know a girl who met a guy when she was 14 and he was over 20), but please, be mindful of this. Our age of consent doesn't give you a right to be weird and nasty to teenagers (yes, I'm talking about Edvin).

Also, the Royal Family have their own website, which you can find here. As far as I can see, there's more information on the Swedish page, but there's plenty translated to English. You can also read of the Swedish Royal Family and its history on the palaces's website, here.

All pictures have been taken straight from Google. I haven't used any sources, because this is shit I do every single year with my family. Feel free to correct me or add things you do, but keep it respectful, please!

Friendly reminder that I've simplified some parts of this to make sense, specifically the dates of the Advent celebrations.

If there's anything you don't understand or want more information on, you're welcome to contact me! I take pretty long to reply, but I'll definitely try to get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!

#young royals #young royals netflix #yr netflix #yr #wilmon #please im begging you love this

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darlingpetao3 · 3 years

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Thank You For Ruining My Life: An Homage to Tom Cavanagh

“You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.”

The costume-clad woman had the courage of steel to say this to the then 53-year-old actor, Tom Cavanagh of The Flash, in front of a ballroom filled with a couple hundred people. This brave utterance was spoken during the 2016 Fan Expo Vancouver convention during a Flash question and answer period with actors Tom Cavanagh and Candice Patton. In its third season, the show was undoubtedly still hitting its stride in popularity, and the room was packed to hear these two speak.

The brave woman whose turn it was at the microphone was referring to Tom’s role as Ed Stevens on the NBC 2000 hit, Ed. I had not known of this show previously, but having now heard such a proclamation intrigued me. “You’ve ruined all my future expectations of men.” That was a tempting notion, and as I continued to listen to this disarmingly charming and wittingly funny man steal the stage, Tom intrigued me even more. I’d watched him play three different versions of Harrison Wells on The Flash since the show’s premiere date, yet I hadn’t truly noticed him in a “life-ruining” way before.

Little did I know that Tom Cavanagh would not only eventually ruin my expectations for men as well, but he would change my life in other ways, too.

After the Q&A, I had this urge to buy a S.T.A.R. Labs T-shirt from one of the vendors at the convention. In my head, I thought I would purchase something so that I could have an excuse to talk to Mr. Cavanagh at his signing booth. Again, he intrigued me, and I wanted to experience more of his incredibly likeable personality. So, I dragged my friend with me to wait for what was maybe ten minutes in a queue. Shortly, I was paying the assistant for my autograph I would soon acquire. They wrote my name on a sticky note so that Tom would know how to sign a personalized message to me. And then, it was my turn.

His eyes sparkled when he turned his attention to me. I instantly had a feeling this was just the way he was naturally. Oh yeah, and I swear to God I’d never seen eyes that blue in my entire life. It genuinely stunned me.

“Hi!” he greeted me.

“Hi!” I responded, equally as thrilled. Tom admired the T-shirt I had brought and took note of my name on the piece of paper. I remember us joking together about the extremely lax security in and around S.T.A.R. Labs on the show, which prompted his message to me on the heather-grey cotton. He wrote my name, [followed by a heart!] and a very welcoming, ‘Come on by, just walk right in!’

I had official clearance from Harrison Wells himself.

I thanked him very much, leaving with my treasure folded over my arms. My friend and I walked towards the hall’s exit, and I couldn’t shake this feeling inside me. It felt strange—I couldn’t name it for the life of me. It felt like an odd fluttering with a simultaneous yet contradictory slightness of breath. My head was confused and would continue to be so for the rest of that weekend.

As I waited at my gate in the airport on that Sunday evening to head home, all I knew was that the moments at the con featuring Tom were the highlights of the weekend for me.

And that I was going to begin watching more of the other films and television shows he’d been in. What was the show the brave cosplaying woman had said ruined her expectations of men? Oh yeah, Ed.

Maybe I’ll start there…

***

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad…

In my house, it’s never really Christmastime until Michael Bublé croons through the speakers of the wooden stereo system in the living room. It felt especially festive as it was now Christmas Eve—a month and some change since the con. It was late, possibly ten o’clock. I was lying on the floor in front of the Christmas tree with my trusty laptop, a word document open. I was writing three holiday-song short stories featuring the new muse in my life, Harrison Wells. I wanted to be able to post them the next day, so my fingers were taptaptapping away.

I had written a handful of things before 2017, most of which had been Marvel-related, under my second, ‘rebirth’ pen name online. I was a little fish among all the grand and fabulous writers on Archive of Our Own, and in many ways, I still feel like that little fish. I was only just learning and feeling out the psyche of the Wells characters. Each one is so different. In my rewatch of the previous seasons of The Flash, I’d taken diligent notes, and as I’d later learn with each following rewatch, I would know them all—what they think, how they talk and behave—like the back of my hand. It was fun to suss out these guys, and I found that I was growing to love the act of writing even more.

One month later, in January, I would post all the stories I’d written thus far on Tumblr. I’d just created an account and, who knows? Maybe I’d get a wider range of readers on here, too.

Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

Wild horses couldn’t keep me from attending Fan Expo Vancouver 2017, especially when the big news dropped. Not only would Tom Cavanagh be attending again, but so would Carlos Valdes, Danielle Panabaker, Candice Patton, and the convention-elusive star of the show himself, Grant Gustin.

Before the moderator for the Flash cast’s Q&A panel could utter the final thanks to the actors at the end of the session, I bounded from my seat and sped down to the photo op booth where the cast would be taking “Team Up” photos with fans. ‘Sped down’ has to be the most appropriate couple of words because I indeed felt like a true Speedster dressed head to toe as the small screen’s adaptation of Jesse Quick, the angsty and brilliant daughter to Harrison Wells turned superhero.

After waiting in a queue that felt like ages, I was next to stand with Team Flash. As I took a step forward, all of the actors’ and actresses’ eyes—the people I spend time with every Tuesday evening—were on me. I heard a familiar voice approve of my costume. It was Danielle.

“Tremendous.”

Grant even joked that he thought for a second Violett Beane, the actress who plays Jesse Quick, had shown up to surprise them. “I was like, what’s Violett doing here?” he said.

I stood in the back row, happily sandwiched between Tom and Carlos. I dared to let my hands rest on their backs, and I couldn’t contain my joy. Shortly after, when I received my near-instant physical photograph of the moment, I saw Tom had pointed at me. In my mind, it felt as if in his gesture, he meant, hey, look at this cool person. Haha. I couldn’t be further from it.

I would go on to further be uncool in public as I later found myself virtually shaking and almost hyperventilating in line for a one-on-one photo op with Tom. The guy dressed as Kid Flash behind me gave me a few encouragements of the “it’ll be okay” variety. As my turn finally arrived, the lovely man of the hour greeted me with a bright smile in recognition of my Reverse Flash T-shirt (I had done a quick change before this photo op because I had worn a Flash T-shirt for a photo with Grant).

“Great shirt!”

The internet comes up with many hilarious and fitting words, but none such so than the term “Cavanarms.” One of the said Cavanarms found its way around my shoulder in such a casual way. My hand rested on his back, and I have told anyone who will listen about how soft his sweater was. What was approximately a five-second interaction will stay with me forever. And to this day, I will always regret how I’m standing beside him in the picture—there’s a distinguishable gap between us. I could have been closer—should have been!—but I like to use the fact that I felt as if I’d combust into flames if I were any closer to the man.

Maybe I’d have another chance to combust later again that day because, believe it or not, this fan hadn’t had enough of seeing Mr. Cavanagh in person. And since he was appearing at the con for this day only, there was no way I was going to squander any opportunities. Besides, there was still one final thing left on my convention docket: the autograph. In my mind, going to get his autograph was an excuse to get to talk to him and simply be in his presence for longer than five seconds. Here, take my money. I’m a sucker, and I’m proud of it. I saved all year for this kind of thing, and Fan Expo has always been my ultimate nerdy Treat Yoself Day.

Plus, this year I came equipped with a question for Tom (something for which I may have prepared a little too far in advance).

“Which of your characters would win in a lawyering battle: Ed or Miles?”

Miles was Tom’s latest character from his newly released project Darrow & Darrow, a fellow lawyer as Ed Stevens (remember, the man who ruins women’s expectations of men?), whom he portrayed almost two decades prior. What I loved about Tom when I got to ask him this was that he was silent for a moment following the question. He was genuinely putting thought into my question. As he pondered, Tom continued to autograph the photo of us together taken mere hours ago.

“Ed. He would wipe the floor with that other guy. Like, Miles is great, but Ed has a rapier-sharp mind, you know?”

I wholeheartedly agreed with his answer and felt relieved inside for some reason. We thanked each other (as politely as two Canadians can) before I left him to pay attention to the next lucky soul in line. I made the mistake of casting my eyes downward at the signed photo.

Tom had signed two little hearts over the I’s in my name. He really needed to stop adding hearts to my things, or I was just going to melt to the floor. In fact, I started to make these strange noises as I tried not to completely maul everyone in front of me while exiting. My friend ushered me as fast as physically possible on our way out of the main hall. One man took one look at me and asked, “Are you okay?”

No.

“Yep!”

The second I made it out of the herd, I broke out into open space. First came the minor hyperventilating. Then came the squealing followed by laughter. Top it off with various fangirlish comments of, “He’s so beautiful!”, “His eyes are so blue!” and “I love him!” and I was probably quite the sight to see (but at a convention, that’s considered normal!). My friend smiled on as she let me express everything that I had to keep inside until I had the right time to expel my emotions. I was on cloud nine. Ten, if at all possible.

The next day would be the con’s final day, which I would attend alone. My friend needed to catch the ferry in order to prepare for her courses the day after. I did a scan of the convention hall one final time in case there was something I missed purchasing. Afterwards, I sat on the cold hard flooring of the convention centre hallway for a bit of a break. I was wiped out. With my phone in hand, I smiled at the messages from this one Tumblr blogger who had been following my posted adventures at the con. I had seen and replied to many of her comments on my stories I’d written thus far, and I enjoyed her matching enthusiasm for Tom and The Flash in general. I felt her to be a kindred spirit. I had no idea then that I was chatting with one of my future best friends, L.

***

I spotted her.

She was wearing an identical shirt to the one I had on—a light grey T-shirt with a sequinned Spider-Man mask in the corner, which around it read, We met on the Web. A giddy me couldn’t wait for the short escalator ride to end. Her back was to me and facing the baggage claim, so here was my chance to surprise her instead.

I towered over my friend, E, and donned a low, authoritative voice.

“Excuse me, Miss, can you come with me?”

She squealed a greeting to me and I returned it as we hugged for the very first time after two and a half years of online friendship. We would still have about two hours to kill until our mutual Tumblr best friend, L, touched down at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport from across the Pond.

Something I noticed was that E and I carried on talking during our wait like it was second nature, that we hung out like this all the time. Whereas when I met L in person for the first time the year previously, our first meeting was that of quiet, delighted shock, unknowing how to react to one another’s physical presence. It almost felt like a fantasy. The closest thing we’d ever gotten to this was visiting over video chats! I’m not sure what each of these different reactions in these separate meetings meant, but what I do know is that I’ve never had such strong female friendships such as these—so full of uplifting support and love for one another. They are the greatest ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

And as a searching L eventually turned the corner to meet us in the Arrivals terminal, I caught sight of her Tom & Grant bandana tied around the handle to her carry-on bag. It was an item she had received in return for helping fund the short film produced in 2018 (I’d bought the ringtone). Seeing the accessory jolted me to remember that the former of the titular short was the reason for this long-awaited get-together holiday in the Windy City in the first place. Tom Cavanagh, unbeknownst to him, had just officially united three online friends, each from a different country, to spend six full days of in-person bonding and a whole lot of fun.

***

I should have been shelving books.

I should have been doing a lot of library-related tasks, but my head was elsewhere. Anywhere other than the small-town public library where I work. Instead, I sat on the carpeted floor of the Junior/Young Adult section with my phone in hand and a dreadful article title staring back at me.

“The Flash: Carlos Valdes and Tom Cavanagh to Exit after 7 Seasons.”

My world felt like it was falling apart.

Tom was leaving? There had been rumours and wonderings spreading around the fandom regarding whether he was leaving the show. With a storyline ending with a monumental sacrifice and a time-travelling man saying his farewells, it all seemed to point to the fact. I should have known… I could have rivalled Supergirl as being the Paragon of Hope after all the optimism I doled out to my followers and friends who would come to me worried Tom would exit the show. I would always give reasons to deny such a thing could happen, claiming that I’d believe when I saw it.

Well, there it was, and I definitely saw it.

One could feel the ripple effect over the internet of the shards of broken and riled-up hearts around the world.

Tom’s exit was on his terms, having not felt challenged by his character’s plotlines, as mentioned in a recent Entertainment Weekly article. As a viewer—and I am a viewer (Mike and Tom Eat Snacks, anyone?), it has been increasingly difficult to look past the missed shots made by story editors and showrunner, so understandably, the actor would want to seek something more exciting and meatier. That said, Tom has always shone on-screen and taken what he’s been given in stride. He turns unearthed material into diamonds and indeed shines on screen. Steals it, even! Tom easily makes the episodes he’s in better, and when he’s missing, you feel the loss. The few episodes of Season 7 without him only give us a tiny hint at how the show will be without him going forward. It much resembles when you might bring out your favourite jigsaw puzzle, only to find that the one piece you need to complete it isn’t there.

***

On a personal note, as I write this, I am roughly 20 followers away from reaching a milestone of 2,000. I have written well over 200 stories for The Flash alone (whether they be short or long, one-shots or chaptered), and goodness knows how many words I’ve generated altogether over the course of these many years with inspiration from the show and my favourite character. I’ve written and co-written novel-length stories, one monumental Wellsian story of which was done alongside L and E (almost solely done through alternating text messaging in the app, Line) that reached over 108,000 words and consisted of 42 chapters. And when I’m not writing for my blog, I’m also working on trying to accomplish my dream of becoming a published author. Just as I thought before I launched my Tumblr blog, I think again now: Might as well give it a shot, right?

***

I have watched virtually everything Tom has been in that I could get my hands on, both physically and electronically. Sure, a few titles are out of my reach and probably lost to the very early 90's forever, but from what I've seen through Tom's filmography is enough to know that he can do anything. He can play the romantic leading man that will make you fall head over heels for him or a deranged killer that will have you genuinely scared of him. That is talent. Tom always brings something new to the table from each role to the next, and (when he's not playing those psycho killers) you can't help but admire his craft.

Not only is his acting stellar, but from what we as fans have gathered on the man, Tom has got to be one of the kindest men in the business. His humour and sheer ridiculousness could get anyone through a tough time (we’ve seen plenty of bloopers and behind-the-scenes videos to prove this!). He has clearly bottled and stored an endless supply of Fountain of Youth™ and each year continues to wow us with his handsomeness. Tom is charming, dedicated, and yes, arguably holds the world record for Bluest Eyes.

In my eyes, Tom Cavanagh gave me the two best friends I could have ever asked for, as well as plenty more lovely friends I’ve continued to make online. (One day, I hope to meet him again so that I can tell him in person how because of him, I’ve met such very important people in my life). Through Tom, I have truly found my passion for writing, and in doing so, segued me to dare to dream of becoming a published novelist. I wholeheartedly believe all of this would not have happened if it weren’t for those first series of events that led me to meet Tom and love and admire him immensely. He is indisputable proof that there are indeed men like him out there. Indeed, he did ruin all of my future expectations of men. He ruined my life in the absolute best way and I am eternally grateful.

I am very much looking forward to what Tom will do next. I think it’s rather needless to say that I will follow him in his career, as he has gained a devoted fan for life. He represents so much to me and so much of it I have gained since meeting him that fateful day, when I thought to myself, Maybe I should buy this T-shirt and get this guy to sign it. Wherever Tom goes in life, I’ll be here to cheer him on.

I have a pretty good feeling plenty of others will, too.

#i don't exactly want to tag this with his name #but this is a personal essay of sorts regarding tom cavanagh's effect on my life #if you decide to read I hope you enjoy it!

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jetaime-jespere · 3 years

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The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

This is for the lovely @sequinsmile-x on her birthday. I started reading her stories back in December and was a huge fan from the beginning. Fast forward a few months, and I am somehow lucky enough to call you my friend. For all the pep talks, the inspiration, and the laughs- you have been a bright spot of 2021. But I stand true to my word if harm ever comes to Theo Hotchner, you know what’s coming your way ; ) Happiest of birthdays, my friend! Enjoy every moment and all the cocktails.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

The Day After Thanksgiving

The fragrant aromas of hazelnut and vanilla waft through the air as Aaron precariously grips two full mugs of coffee in his hands. He sidesteps a few toys and a pair of shoes that were somehow missed in last night’s cleanup as he carefully ascends the stairs. The coffee threatens to slosh over the edge of the mugs and stain the hardwood floors; he slows his steps and tiptoes past closed bedroom doors. He avoids the squeaky floorboards - he knows exactly where they are by now - and kicks another stray toy against the wall in his haste to get to Emily before she wakes up.

Coffee in bed is a sacred routine for them, one they haven’t abandoned even balancing the demands of three children and two grueling careers. It’s one of Emily’s little pleasures, an act so simple Aaron can’t deny her whenever he gets the chance. That alone is how he found himself awake before the sun rises, rearranging the various pyrex containers of Thanksgiving leftovers to locate the coveted bottle of Emily’s favorite creamer in the fridge. It was wedged behind the cranberry sauce and macaroni and cheese they made for Nora, who vehemently refused to eat turkey. Of course, she’d eaten maybe five bites of her specially prepared dinner before she’d crawled into Emily’s lap in the middle of dinner. Yet it still brings a smile to his face; it’s their first holiday season as a family of five - something they never expected, something they’ll never take for granted.

Read the rest here or on ao3

When he shoulders the door open, Aaron finds her awake, feeding Leo. She holds him at her breast, her head tipped back and her eyes closed. She senses his presence innately, attuned to the softness of his steps as he steps over the threshold of the sanctuary of their bedroom. Emily’s face stretches into a brilliant smile when she sees him, but it doesn’t hide the exhaustion that paints her features.

“He’s awake again?” Aaron sets the mug on the nightstand and kisses her cheek then the top of Leo’s head. “I thought you’d at least get another hour of sleep.”

“He had other plans,” Emily murmurs, lovingly shifting their son in her arms. “He’s almost done.” She reaches for the coffee with her free hand, lifts the mug to her lips. “Thank you for this.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Aaron watches her finish Leo’s feed with unabashed awe. There’s nothing but adoration in his eyes, amazement at how she handles motherhood with an abundance of patience and grace. There have been ups and downs, tears. arguments and fights, her nerves stretched thin and his worn down. But these moments make it worth it, ones he wouldn’t trade. He leans down to take Leo to give her a break. The little boy’s eyes are already closed, contentedly asleep once again.

“You’re spoiling me.” Emily says with a grateful smile. She rests back against the pillows, eyes closing again. “What was I thinking when I agreed to go Black Friday shopping with JJ and Garcia?”

“Might be good to get out of the house. Away from the chaos.”

“Into a whole new kind of chaos. Garcia means business. I’m afraid of her ambition.” Emily rolls her eyes at the thought of the shared document Garcia had sent to her and JJ - essentially a shopping itinerary, with all the best deals and discounts clearly marked.

“You say it like you’re surprised.” Aaron gently places Leo into the bassinet before crawling back into bed with his wife. “It is Garcia we’re talking about.”

“Maybe I’ll learn my lesson next year.” She snuggles against him, seeking a few extra moments of peace.

Christmas Tree Shopping

It’s scarcely a week after Thanksgiving when Aaron caves to the persistent demands from Nora and Jack, unable to hold them off any longer. Less than an hour later, as the sun starts to go down in the early December sky, the Hotchners find themselves at an idyllic Christmas tree farm in Loudoun County. They’re not the only ones, as families make their way through the maize of evergreen, the air thick with the cloying, yet not unpleasant, scent of pine needles.

“We’re becoming those people,” Aaron grumbles good naturedly, Leo strapped to his chest in a baby carrier. “Jack, please watch your sister!” A few feet ahead, Nora runs excitedly through the trees, clapping her tiny mitten covered hands with joy. But Jack looks just as excited and takes off behind her as they search for the perfect one. It’s a tradition he never had growing up; one he’d only ever heard stories about from his classmates as he swallowed an emotion he only identified many years later as jealousy.

“What kind of people?” Emily carefully picks her way through the grass, her hand enclosed in his. Her head falls onto his shoulder every few feet; they quietly murmur to each other in broken sentences, interrupted every few seconds by one of the kids, yet it’s a language they’ve mastered over the last few years. Glances and smiles, words that speak volumes, little touches here and there.

“Those Christmas crazed people. Pretty soon we’re going to have an inflatable Santa on the lawn or something.”

“Don’t say that too loudly.” Emily gives him a quick kiss, stopping for a moment to adjust Leo’s hat to cover his tiny head. “Nora said one of her classmates has one. She’s already talking about it.”

“Great.” Aaron rolls his eyes. “I bet Garcia has one we could borrow. Probably more than one.”

Emily laughs, lightly smacking him on the shoulder as Nora grabs her hand. “Mommy, Jack and I like this one!” They all stop in front of a tree on a corner. It’s bigger than Aaron anticipated - he has visions of vacuuming pine needles for the next four weeks - and slightly lopsided, with uneven branches and a few gaps in between. Certainly not what you might see in a magazine, and in no way picture perfect, but Nora and Jack are beaming, their cheeks flushed pink in the chilly early evening air.

“Oh, you mean you two finally agree on something?” Emily quips, letting Nora drag her around the base of the tree, listening as their daughter explains where she wants to put her collection of superhero ornaments. “Who would have ever thought?” But when her eyes meet Aaron’s, it’s clear they’re thinking the same thing too.

It’s perfect.

A Lesson In Gift Wrapping

“Damnit,” Emily swears under her breath as the wrapping paper seemingly shreds in her hands. How does Aaron make this look so easy? With her bottom lip between her teeth, she folds another piece of paper around the box, trying to mimic the process she’s seen him do so effortlessly time and time again. It’s not quite enough paper to wrap around the box, and she shakes her head in defeat.

“Of all the places I looked, I didn’t think I’d find you here.” Aaron’s baritone voice shakes her from her trance. He’s leaning in the doorway of the guest room, an amused but loving smirk on his face. The remnants of the day are there - a hint of shadow on his chin, tie loosened and sleeves rolled to his elbows.

“Thought I might get some of this done.” She looks up at him briefly before her attention goes back to the mess of wrapping paper, twisted balls of tape, and gift bows. “There’s a lot still left to do.”

“Did the North Pole finally accept your elf application?” Aaron teases lovingly, pushing the door open and side-stepping a large pile of gifts that still have yet to be wrapped. “Looks like we’re a little behind schedule this year.”

With a roll of her eyes, Emily pushes a piece of hair out of her face. “You’re home earlier than I expected.” She glances at the mess around her with a sigh, and her voice softens. “Leo needs to be fed when he gets up. I need to pick up Nora from school and Jack will be home in an hour.”

He immediately catches the tension in her voice. As the early days of December melted into weeks, the never ending hustle was clearly starting to get to her, especially since cases took Aaron out of town most of the workweek. Evenings were full of obligations - practices and errands, weekends packed with as much family time as they could manage. All the rest was pushed to the side, a never ending list of chores that was only added to, never subtracted from.

The team had spent almost a week in Bethlehem Pennsylvania, ironically called the Christmas City, searching for an arsonist that had the entire city on edge. Perhaps the nickname was an eerie coincidence yet nonetheless it was a grueling case. Since he’d gotten home he could sense the stress emanating from her, curling like fog around her. She couldn’t hide it from him; she couldn’t hide anything from him. And while he didn’t ask, he somehow already knew. “I asked Garcia to pick Nora up to give you a break.”

“What about dinner?”

“It’s already been ordered.” Aaron says easily, settling beside her on the floor. “Pizza sounded good.”

Relief floods her face. “Pizza always sounds good.” She kicks the abandoned box out of the way to wedge herself against him, lacing her fingers through his. “We’ve missed you around here.” It’s honest, an understated relief that only years of intimacy can bring. Her head finds its way to his shoulder; she leans against him.

“We’re finished until after New Years.” Aaron holds their hands up to the light, staring at the bouncing reflection of their wedding rings. “You have me here until January.”

“Lucky me,” Emily says dryly.

Aaron picks up a stray ball of abandoned wrapping paper and chucks it at her. “What do you say we finish wrapping these together?”

“I say,” she begins slowly, eyes darting between the neatly made bed and his own. “We take advantage of having the house to ourselves.”

He makes her come three times before they hear Garcia’s car in the driveway, and twice more after the kids are in bed, for good measure.

A Deal With The Devil

The name that appears on the screen of his ringing phone is one Aaron can’t ignore. It’s terrible timing, but he’s not at all surprised. His mother in law had an uncanny knack for calling at the most inopportune moments.

“Hi, Elizabeth,” Aaron says hastily, pressing the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he wedges the final plate into the dishwasher. He barely got to the phone in time before it went to voicemail, and something tells him she’s only a little miffed about that fact. Elizabeth Prentiss has an abundance of patience for her grandchildren, but not much for anyone else, he’s come to learn.

“Good evening, Aaron,” she says crisply yet not unkindly. In the background he can hear the mellow crooning of Bing Crosby. He imagines Elizabeth with a glass of wine in one hand, a thick book in her lap. “Is Emily around? I tried to reach her earlier. She didn’t answer my call.”

“She’s giving Nora a bath.” He glances upward, the muffled squeals and giggles coming from the bathroom just loud enough to hear from downstairs. At least things have calmed down since dinner . He decides not to mention it’s already been quite an evening around their house, thanks to unfamiliar vegetables and a long day in preschool. “Is there something you’d like me to pass along?” Of course Elizabeth would call on the one night this week he isn’t away on a case.

“Actually, Aaron, maybe you can help me,” Elizabeth presses, and he knows whatever she’s about to say is something that’s already caused a disagreement between her and Emily.

“I can try,” he offers tentatively, choosing words carefully. The very last thing he wants to do is get caught between their fires. It’s never ended well for him.

“You sound tired, Aaron. Are you not sleeping well?”

“We have three kids, Elizabeth,” he counters back. “I haven’t slept well in years.”

He hears a soft laugh on the other line; for a moment he has to remind himself he’s not talking to his wife. Sometimes the similarities between them are uncanny, much to Emily’s chagrin.

He’s wrapping up the call, assuring Elizabeth they’ll figure out a plan that works for everyone yet doesn’t add any additional stress, while simultaneously cleaning the rest of the kitchen when he hears soft footsteps on the stairs.

“You’re on bedtime duty.” Emily appears behind him, leaning against the counter with an exasperated huff. “She’s in a mood tonight.”

Aaron comes to stand behind her, circling both arms around her waist. Her hips fit snugly against the cradle of his own; he rests his chin over her shoulder to nip at her ear. “I just made a deal with your mother.” He doesn’t miss how she tenses against him, a combination of frustration, annoyance, and exhaustion seeping through her body. It’s the first time they’ve been alone all day. He presses a palm against her chest, feeling the beat of her heart under the warmth of his hand.

“She called again? I let it go to voicemail earlier.”

“Just now. She wanted to talk to you. Luckily, you’re off the hook, because I talked to her.” He kisses her neck. He swipes at a few stray bath bubbles that have somehow found their way into her hair. Of all the versions of Emily he’s loved over the years, this Emily might just be his favorite.

“Let me guess. She wants us to come to her for Christmas Eve dinner instead of her coming here.”

“Something like that.”

“Does she not understand we have three children?” Emily grumbles. “I’ve been over this with her. She’s not the one who has to put them to bed on Christmas Eve, you know. It’s a whole different kind of chaos.”

“I think we can figure it out, Em.” Aaron chuckles. He holds her a little closer, voice reassuring and calm. “I made her a deal.” She noticeably relaxes, her body melding against his. Proximity is one of their love languages, the subtle touches an endless source of comfort for them both.

“ Mommy!” Nora’s voice is an insistent, urgent interruption, one they can’t ignore. “Mommy!”

Emily sighs in defeat, the moment of peaceful bliss abruptly over.

“I’ll go,” Aaron says immediately, leaving a trail of kisses down Emily’s neck. “I haven’t seen you sit down all day.”

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” She presses her hips into his teasingly and turns her head to kiss him. It’s a promise of later, another little luxury they still manage to make time for.

“No, but you can show me once the kids are asleep.” He reluctantly lets her go as he heads in the direction of the upstairs.

“Only if I don’t fall asleep first.”

Visiting Santa

“This is not the smartest idea we’ve ever had, clearly,” Emily mutters under her breath as the crowd around them seems to thicken before their eyes. The mall is packed, full of shoppers and families lined elbow to elbow around a colorful, elaborate display to meet Santa. There’s fake snow everywhere, teenagers dressed up as elves supervising the line and a kids’ rendition of a Christmas song blasting from speakers. “What were we thinking?”

“The same as everyone else in Northern Virginia, apparently.” Aaron finds the small of her back through her coat, rests his hand there gently as Emily pushes the stroller a little to soothe Leo. “Not like we had much of a choice, sweetheart. I’ve been gone all week. When else were we supposed to do this?”

“I could have taken them myself one night.” She looks annoyed and rightfully so, as one of the elves announces it’s time for Santa to take a fifteen minute break.

“And miss all this fun?” Aaron jokes. He’s doing his best to hide his own annoyance, yet the flex of his jaw is a tell-tale sign that Emily spots immediately. “Not a chance.”

They’ve been in line for over a half an hour, and will be for at least another half hour. Beside Aaron, Jack grumbles under his breath and rolls his eyes without even looking up from his Nintendo Switch. He’d obliged reluctantly, partly because Aaron had promised him a new video game if he didn't complain. And from where Nora is nestled in the safety of her mother’s arms, she presses her cheek against Emily’s shoulder. “What if we miss Santa, Mommy?”

“We won’t, honey,” Emily soothes, catching Aaron’s eyes over their daughter’s head of dark hair. It’s the third time she’s asked the question, her dark eyes widening as Santa waves to the crowd before disappearing. “He’s just taking a break.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Aaron mutters under his breath. “Even Santa is over it.”

When they finally emerge from the mall almost an hour later, with three cranky children in tow, Emily passes over the photograph to Aaron. “This is an awful picture,” she snickers behind her gloved fist. It’s true. It was taken at the worst possible moment - seconds after Leo started screaming, Nora’s attention anywhere but the camera, and Jack’s eyes closed. “This is even worse than last year’s picture. We can’t actually display this anywhere, you know.”

“We can give it to Dave. He’ll love it,” Aaron jokes as he tucks the envelope under his arm. “Trust me.”

Twas the Night before Christmas

“Move over, Nora!” Jack elbows his sister squarely in the stomach in an attempt to crawl over his sister to get closer to Aaron. “You’re taking up too much space.”

“Ouch, Jack! Daddy, Jack is being mean!”

“There’s more than enough room for everyone,” Aaron says neutrally and cheerfully. It’s clear he won’t pick a side. “Santa doesn’t want to hear the two of you fighting on Christmas Eve. Last time we checked the radar, he was headed to the United States, wasn’t he?”

From where she cradles a milk-drunk Leo in her arms, Emily stifles a laugh in her fist. She makes a mental note to thank Garcia for showing it to the kids earlier that evening. It’s been the only thing to keep them from completely losing their minds with excitement ever since.

“Nora, why don’t you come sit over here next to Mommy and Leo?” He pats the sliver of space between his thigh and Emily’s, covered in matching flannel pajamas as Emily shifts over.

“Okay, Daddy,” she beams, scrambling off the couch and making a point to stick her tongue out at Jack along the way.

“Nora, apologize to Jack,” Emily cuts in smoothly with a sharp look at her daughter.

The little girl pouts even as guilt spreads across her face. “Sorry, Jack.” She breaks off a piece of the frosted cookie in her hand - the one she isn’t supposed to have on the new couch - and hands it to Jack. “Here.”

“Is everyone ready?” Aaron asks once Nora is settled and Jack has stopped kicking his feet underneath one of the many blankets flung around the couch. “No one needs anything?” He grins at the insistent pleas of both kids, hushes them quietly to avoid waking the sleeping baby on Emily’s chest. “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…” He begins, as a silence falls over them all.

Emily watches him read, transfixed by the sight of Jack and Nora completely engrossed in the story they’ve heard dozens of times, as if they never have before. Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real that this is their life now. She would have laughed ten years ago if someone predicted her future.

“A happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.” Aaron closes the book in his hands, looking between Nora and Jack. “I think it’s bedtime, what do you think?”

There are grumbles from them both as they trip over each other on their way towards the stairs, not without frequent peeks over the shoulder to see if in fact Santa somehow materialized behind them.

“Maybe Santa will bring us a puppy, Jack!"

Christmas Eve

“You think they’ll be disappointed when none of these presents bark?” Emily jokes once they’ve finished setting up the pile of gifts. There’s a bottle of wine between them, and It’s A Wonderful Life plays in the background on low.

“I told them Santa doesn’t carry pets on the sleigh.” Aaron tucks his arm around her and brings her into his chest, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head. “Said it was too dangerous.”

“Did they buy that?”

“Seemed to.” He shrugs. “We might have some explaining to do if Allison and Shane end up getting Jude a puppy, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” In the easy silence the movie stretches on; they share sips of wine and leftover cookies and murmur soft whispers over the final few minutes.

“I love this part,” Emily murmurs as George Bailey reunites with his family in a joyous, tearful reunion and the opening measures of Auld Lang Syne begin to play. She doesn't look away from the screen.

“You love this whole movie,” he teases gently. “You always have.”

“You don’t?”

“I have other favorites. But I’ll always watch it with you.”Outside, the snow has started to accumulate; it’s already formed a blanket of white across the grass, and is covering the trees. It doesn’t look like it’ll be stopping anytime soon.

“This never gets old,” Emily says from where they’re snuggled together on the couch, staring at the Christmas tree and the falling snow out the window. It’s been their tradition to do this since having Nora - set up presents and watch the movie.

They watch the falling snow in silence once again, their fingers linked, heads bent together, enjoying the few extra moments of peace. It’s only when Emily’s eyes drift shut does she realize just how exhausted she really is.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Aaron murmurs as she opens them. “There’s one thing left to do.”

“We did everything. We even answered the note they wrote for Santa. We forgot that last year.” Emily stretches as she stands, her limbs aching. “It’s time for bed, Aaron. I’m so tired.”

“Not quite yet, sweetheart.” Aaron is reaching behind the decorations on the mantle for the small hidden speakers, flicking a button. “I think you’re forgetting something.”

“What?” She yawns, not even bothering to hide it. “It’s so late.”

“You remember,” he says, holding out his hand as the music starts.

Emily rolls her eyes good naturedly, remembering just what he means. “Really, Aaron?”

“One dance, sweetheart. Please?”

“I'm tired.”

He rolls his eyes. It’s a line she’s used many times, yet for some reason, she always gives in. In fact, she’s stepping into his arms before she even stops talking.

“That’s what you always say.” He takes her hand and wraps his other arm around her back, drawing her in close. “Yet you always end up right here.”

“Because I love you,” she whispers, following his steps as he takes the lead.

Some soft Christmas jazz starts to play, a sultry sounding medley that might just lull her to sleep. “This is the song you picked?” Emily rests her head on his shoulder as he sways them in time to the music. “You couldn’t have picked anything more lively?”

“Shhhh,” he murmurs, his hand bracing against the small of her back as he dips her down and brings her back up. “Just go with it.”

So she does, letting him move them both around the living room in a series of smooth, even steps. When the music stops, they still for a few blissful, silent moments. Still wrapped in each other’s arms, they’re close enough together to feel the other’s heart beating in sync. “Merry Christmas, Emily. I love you.”

“I love you too, Aaron. Merry Christmas.”

#hotchniss #domestic hotchniss #happy hotchners #wsne universe #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #aaron x emily #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #birthday fics and Christmas fluff #Christmas in July #for you my dear friend sequinsmile_x #I hope you enjoy

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agentsoftie · 4 years

Text

mistletoe

summary: you like him, a lot. so penny does something. something that may or may not involve mistletoe

a/n: it’s vlogmas y’all! also just act like this was uploaded on the 1st instead of the second. also, this love isn’t proof read so bare with me

pairing and word count: spencer x (f) reader & 1.6k

The day was December 1st, and in the paradise that is Virginia, that meant Holiday season. The lights were already up. And the cold air was picking up so much that one couldn't possibly go outside without wearing a coat, fearing for hyperthermia. Carolers were out around the town, singing their hearts out and freezing their hands off. Pictures With Santa was being set up in the park, and elves were practicing their dances and jingles. You could smell the cookies and the peppermint from a mile away. Christmas songs and melodies were playing all across town. And in response, all the hungover college kids were groaning and sulking all across town as they got their morning coffee and went to class.

Each radio was playing some form of holiday music instead of its general hillbilly religious crap. And you honestly didn't mind. Although, it's not like you ever bothered to turn on the radio. But today, something was different. Something had just changed. Maybe it was the fact that it was now the time for laughter and joy instead of harm. Maybe that was the change.

The cold air suddenly leaves your ears as the feeling of warmth rushes in. And to your surprise, you're greeted by a very peppy Lenny. Although, you did bring him a donut this morning, so that might have an effect. “Y/N! Good Morning!” He said as he buzzed you in. “You too Len! Hope you like the snack.” Before you could finish the question, he was half way done with his donuts. You smiled to yourself as you entered the elevator.

“Wait!” You heard someone yell as you were about to hit the button. You waited, as one does, and soon saw the figure that was running towards you clear up. “Spencer,” you breathed out as he ran in. “Y/n, hi.” He said as he was catching his breath.

You hit the button and quickly looked down, trying to avoid his gaze as much as possible. You see, you loved him. Ever since the dawn of time. Or, at least since last December. See, today, technically marks your one year anniversary since you joined the team. See, the first time you first laid eyes on him, the first time you said hello, your heart skipped a beat. The way he moved, the way he talked, just him. Him- himself, was memorizing enough. Never though. Never did you have the courage to talk or say anything to him. The team always noticed, but they never said anything, saying as you got along with them all great.

As soon as the elevator opened you ran for the two glass doors… As subtly as possible. The office smelt like peppermint and hot chocolate, and there was only one possible reason for that. Penelope.

“Good morning my lovely little love birds!”

You both stopped in your steps and looked at each other dead in the eye. “You guys, I’m joking, come on.” You both chuckled awkwardly and he quickly sprinted to his desk as you but your coffee on your desk.

“Like what you’ve done with the place Nel. Quite nice if I say so.”

She set a stack of piles on the desk, and straightened your hair.“You better like it. I stayed till like 10 getting everything ready and paid Lenny 20 dollars to help me set up half of these things.”

“Sucks that it’s gonna be down by mid January.” You say as you take some files off.

“Ooooh, yeah no, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Hey Nel, these aren't files.” You say as you give her the file you were looking at and picked through the other ones. Just to find that they weren't files either.

“Oh! Look at that! I never even noticed,” she said as she straightened her pasture. Spencer looked over to see what the commotion was about, but you tried not to pay attention.

“Spencer, would you come here please!”

You looked at Penelope and cursed in every single language you knew, and that was including ALS. She was the only one at the BAU who knew about your crush on Spencer. Since she was the reason you ever even wanted, or considered joining the BAU.

He got up and walked to your desk as you tried to look busy.

“What’s up Pen?” He said as he put his hand on your desk.

“I need you and Y/N to do something for me.” You looked shocked, but luckily, Spencer didn't see anything. “Can you please go down and do a few errands for me. Or well, for us.”

“Will we get paid?” You asked, she nonned.

“Is Hotch okay with this?” He asked, she, again, nodded. “Alright then, just text us what you need.” He said as he grabbed your hand and walked towards the door. You quickly grabbed your phone and wallet and pulled yourself forward. Your cheeks were rosy red. Or, as red as they could be, so you kept your head high. Although that probably doesn't work in your favor when you will be stuck with him the entire day.

“Okay, first of all, fresh roses.”

“Oooh, I know a great little flower shop. It’s by the bakery near Santa’s Little Shop.”

“Where?”

“It’s by my house here I’ll-”

“Got it.” He said as he cut you off. You wanted to ask him how he knew where you lived, but then you figured that before you came, he went over you and your file like 50 times. Or with him, most likely one.”

You looked out the window as snow fell down to the ground. It was a light snow, nothing big, nothing new. It was the type of snow where you could build a snowman, but it might take an eternity. He drove slowly and carefully turning on the radio to find The Beatles playing.

“Here we go.” He said as Blackbird was dying down in the background.

“Perfect.”

You both got out of the car and looked around. Some things just never change. Even when you’re off of work.

“Hi! Welcome!”

“Hey Blair! Where are all or your red, white, and green flowers?”

“That’s… oddly specific.” She spoke as she got up from behind the counter.

“Work.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say… Well okay, here we have our roses, a staple piece. Then, some white roses, another staple piece. And Finally, green roses!”

You smiled a little. It was small, but she saw it. “I think Y/N’s looking for something more festive? Like… these poinsettia’s!” Spencer said as he walked around the store/

“I’ll take the roses, all three colors, and the poinsettia’s please.”

She rang up the total and you were gonna give her your credit card, but he beat you too it.”Spence…” You trailed “Y/N don't.”

You grabbed the flowers and so did he. He opened the car and as soon as you got it, the conversation picked up once more. “You know, you never had to do that.”

“I wanted to.”

“Okay well so did I.”

“Well I did it first.”

“What are you, five?”

“Is that supposed to mean something Y/N?” He said as he looked over at you.

“Ehh ehh, eyes the road!” You said as you snapped at the road.

He simply laughed as he looked back. “Okay, Now the coffee shop. She said that we need fresh treats since some of the kids are coming over tonight.”

“What’s tonight?” You asked as you looked around at the white ground. This was the first time in a while, or maybe in forever that you were having a normal and fluent conversation with him. It’s always, “Hi Spencer *runs away” or “Hey, *dies inside*” BUt this, this was different. This was fun. This was something you could get used to.

“Remember the office party.”

“Fuck… Yeah I forgot.”

“Ehh don't worry, so did I. But I think I’m just gonna stay home and re-read something.”

“Weirdo,” you said as you ran your fingers through his hair and messed it up. Somehow, just somehow, your heart wasn't beating 20 times fast almost causing you to fall dead on the spot. But instead you were just having fun and laughing. With Spencer. Spencer Reid. Dr. Spencer Reid. Someone you’ve had a crush on for a year.

“Do you like the Holidays?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, it was the only holiday that I looked forward to when I was a child. Still now too I guess. Which is highly concerning, but we’re not gonna talk about that.”

He chuckled. “You’re funny Y/N,”

“I know.” You said as you smirked.

You looked around at everything that was going on. Kids running around and people drinking hot chocolate. Other people watching the carolers sing, and others kissing under the mistletoe. One person though couldn't stop staring. They couldn't stop staring at you. They looked at your magnificent hair and melted. They looked into your eyes and watched them shine. And heard a baby laugh for the first time every time you talked or laughed.

“What about you Spence?”

“Huh?”

“You like the holidays?”

“Yeah,”

“Well, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you like the holidays?”

“Because of mistletoe,”

“Because of what?”

You were cut off by his hand cuffing your face. I took you a moment to realize what was happening, but once you did, you melted in. You put your hands in his hair and pulled a little. The kiss was aggressive for a public kiss but you soon eased it up due to the fact that this was happening in public. You broke apart due to the fact that breathing exists. And smiled into each other's lips.

“I said… because of mistletoe.”

“Screw you Spencer Reid.”

“You wish.”

“Really, cuz that didn't look like it.”

“You kissed back.”

“By default,”

tagging; @criminalmindsmoodrn, @marshmallowtraver, @ghostly-angelic, @himarisolace

moot tags: (sorry if this annoys you) @blakeprentiss, @lizziechase, @goldenxreid

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vintagedolan · 3 years

Text

mixtape - track eleven

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

I was hiding from myself too. I was hiding from the part of my brain that was like ‘what are you gonna do now?’. Like, there’s a part of your brain that does thrive off of feeling like shit.

The voice shifted, just for a moment.

Yea-

It was a tiny sound in the back, from behind the camera. It didn’t even form a full word before Ethan continued talking, but Indy flinched anyway. It was always worse when she was unprepared for it.

In her distraction, she’d streaked her concealer too far past her eye and sighed, using her finger to pat it in, ignoring the way it splotched. It probably wasn’t the right shade, and it was definitely expired, but it was enough for her to look like maybe she had slept in the last two weeks.

She hadn’t. Not really. Every time she closed her eyes, even to blink, he was there. Sometimes, she welcomed it. But in that moment, standing in her mirror in her scrubs, she didn’t want to see his face. She didn’t want to hear his voice. Because she had to keep it together for 16 hours. 12 hours at the hospital on the peds floor, and another 4 at her shift at Jet’s afterward. So she kept her eyes open, took a deep breath, and walked out of her bathroom.

On the other side of the country, Grayson’s eyes were closed.

He wasn’t sleeping. It was 4 in the afternoon, which was the earliest time he could consider himself done with work for the day and escape to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. It only got down to the high forties in LA, even in January, but he climbed under his comforter anyways, pulled his baby blanket up by his face.

Time seemed to crawl by while he lay there alone. He rolled to his side, pulling his pillow down to wrap his arms around it, and when he opened his eyes, he wished he hadn’t. On his nightstand, turned towards him, was the frame that Indy had gotten him for Christmas. He wished she hadn’t curled up so much when he’d taken it. He wished he could see her face more in the glossy material, wished she had given him a picture of just her instead. When he squeezed his eyes shut again he could see her face better, every feature committed to memory. So he looked. He focused on the different shades of blue in her eyes and pretended like she was in class, and that he was on her couch waiting for her to come home.

A knock sounded on his door, and his heart tightened.

Ethan stepped in the room with a bag of Monty’s and a hopeful smile.

Grayson didn’t move.

“I brought you dinner.”

Nothing.

Ethan sighed, dropping the act. He was giving up on it earlier and earlier these days.

“Bro, you’ve gotta eat. You didn’t eat lunch.”

“Not hungry.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not.”

“Well, tough shit then, cause I’m not leaving you alone until you eat at least some of this.”

Grayson knew his brother, better than he knew himself sometimes, and he could tell by his tone that he was serious. He didn’t have the energy for a fight, and despite himself, his stomach growled at the smell of the fries in the bag, salty and warm. So he sat up begrudgingly and let Ethan pass him the bag, pretending not to see how his shoulders slumped in relief.

He didn’t have to ask why Ethan stayed. It was to make sure he didn’t sit the bag down as soon as he closed the door behind him. So he waited, and he watched his brother eat his burger slower than usual, fighting to chew it and force it down.

“Where’s yours?” He asked eventually - he knew better than to think that Ethan hadn’t gotten himself a burger.

“I uh… I ate with Eden.”

Grayson stopped chewing. His question was blatant in his eyes, and he waited for the answer.

“No, I didn’t fucking tell her,” Ethan grumbled, running his hand over his face. “But I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I feel like I’m fucking lying to her.”

“Did she ask about… her?” He caught himself. He hadn’t said her name since they left New York.

“Not yet. She knows something is up with you though, and if she starts asking questions I’m telling her.”

“No.” It wasn’t a plea. It was a demand.

“Grayson. She’s gonna find out eventually, I gotta tell her.”

“No. Twin code.”

“Don’t pull that shit man, c’mon, we aren’t six anymore. That’s my wife, and she’s gonna be pissed as fuck at me. If you don’t tell her, I’m gonna have to.”

Grayson stayed quiet and put the rest of his burger back in the bag, his small appetite fading to nausea at the thought of having to admit to anyone else what he had done. He hadn’t had to explain it yet - Ethan knew enough to put the pieces together, and he had enough heart to stay quiet on the plane, just passing over his napkin from his drink as an extra tissue while Grayson looked out the window and cried quietly. But he wasn’t going to tell Eden - he wasn’t ready for that.

Ethan sighed. “I’m just saying Gray, she’s gonna start asking me questions, and I’m not gonna lie to her, that’s not me. That’s not either of us.” He paused, hoping for a response he knew he wasn’t going to get. “Whatever. We have a meeting at 10 tomorrow.”

Ethan left the room in silence, and Grayson closed his eyes.

Indy’s struggled to keep hers open. It was almost 4 am the worst hours of her shift. She poured another cup of coffee from the nurses’ lounge, ignoring the fact that it was burnt as she sipped it down and willed herself to wake up. Part of her wished it was iced - warm drinks made her sleepy, and worse, reminded her of cold New Jersey mornings that she couldn’t afford to think of. Just the idea of reminiscing made her chest tighten enough for her to suck in a breath and start to search for a distraction. She read the schedule instead, checking to see what tech would replace her come 7 am. She still had two vital checks to do on each patient, opting to do them on the even hours. Her head tipped back as she drained the rest of her cup and tossed it in the trash, needing to keep her mind busy.

It wasn’t her job - only nurses could distribute meds, but she could prep the trays for the kids to make their lives easier. So she moved to the med cart and started to look through.

“Adams, Adrian, Bellon, Campbell, Cortez, Jenkins, Kimp, Lopez, Mullins, Norton.” Her fingers stopped for a moment as she traced down the last names on the cart, mumbling them out. No Newcomb. She double-checked. Nothing.

Bekah didn’t have a tray.

Indy’s heart sped up a bit, and she waited until she saw Ayria, one of the night shift nurses, coming out of a room.

“Hey, do you need me to get Newcomb a tray? Hers isn’t on here.” It felt weird to refer to Bekah by her last name, but she didn’t want to seem unprofessional.

Ayria frowned, coming to log into the computer on the med cart and check the charts.

“Oh yeah, everything she’s getting is IV right now, no pills.”

Indy took a breath and steadied herself, glad to see that the clock had turned and she was able to make her rounds. She’d become an expert at taking vitals without waking the kids up - even some of the more seasoned nurses were impressed.

But she could never get past Beks.

The first day, during Indy’s orientation, Bekah could tell something was wrong. It was only three days after Grayson had left after all. Indiana knew that the floor needed a tech, and she knew they’d take her as soon as she asked. She also knew that if she let herself stay at home that she’d never leave it again. So she went and bought the cheapest scrubs she could find and mustered up enough energy to show up.

She didn’t really need Ayria to show her around that day. She knew the unit inside and out from her time as a volunteer; she just needed the codes for the supply rooms and a list of her tasks for her 12-hour shift. But she was glad that they were together when they went into Bekah’s room because Bekah was kind enough not to say anything with someone else there. Now, she didn’t hold back.

“You look like shit,” she said as soon as Indy walked in.

“It’s 4 am, you should be asleep,” Indy countered with a smirk. The incident on Christmas was forgiven without a second thought, and she was relieved to be back to their normal banter as she put her blood pressure cuff on.

“You should be asleep. This is your last shift of the week though.”

“Says who?”

“You’ve been here three days already, that’s the max you can work without overtime.”

Indy kept quiet and wrote down her blood pressure in the chart.

“Are you okay?” Bekah asked quietly, and Indy sucked in a deep breath, trying to stop the tears flooding her eyes.

“I’m fine Beks. Promise.”

Bekah contemplated if she should say it.

“Is it Grayson?”

Indy’s breath caught in her throat. Her hands shook as she held up the thermometer, and she had to blink hard to be able to read the numbers and scribble them down.

Bekah took her silence as an answer.

“Sorry. I know it must be hard, having him so far away,” she murmured. Indy couldn’t find her voice to tell her that it was okay. She fiddled with her blankets, tucking her in nicely and dimming her lights down to give her time to clear the knot in her throat.

“Get some sleep Beks.”

She held it together until she got outside her room, and then the tears escaped. As quickly as she could, she ducked her head and beelined for the nurses’ desk, using her oldest trick of drinking water to keep herself from fully breaking down.

Valentina sat at her desk and watched with a frown, but she didn’t say anything.

Indy gave herself one minute, and then she took a deep breath and got back to work.

Time crawled, and she cursed herself for not leaving enough things to keep her busy for the rest of her shift. By 6 am, she’d resorted to cleaning the tables in the break room and reorganizing supplies in the supply closet to keep herself occupied. She knew the day shift nurses would appreciate the extra effort - they always sung her praises, thrilled to work a shift after her considering how well she set it up for them.

Valentina came into the supply closet at 6:30.

“You might just work our daytime tech out of a job,” she said, making Indy jump and drop the bandages she was restocking.

“You scared me,” she said, catching her breath. “Just restocking.”

“You work too hard,” Valentina shook her head, crossing her arms. “You’re gonna burn yourself out sweetheart, and we need you around here.”

“I’ll be alright.”

“You act like I don’t know you’re going to your other job right after this.”

“They give me good coffee there, what can I say,” Indy teased, but when she looked Valentina’s eyes were sad. “I like to keep busy.”

“Too busy,” she tsked. “You leave at 6:50 today.”

“Valentina-”

“Keep talking and I’ll make it 6:40,” she threatened. “And you get some sleep later, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” Indy conceded, knowing it wasn’t an argument she could win. Nurses weren’t the type to lose an argument, and she’d never met a more nurse-y nurse than Valentina. She finished stocking quickly, gathering her bags and double-checking she’d finished everything before she headed out, waving goodbye to the nurses she saw.

She was distracted on her way out, and she didn’t think when she hit the button to get into the next hallway.

For two weeks, she prepped. Mentally paused and thought of all the things that could hit her out of the blue, make her come unraveled. She was ready, for the couples in the street holding hands, for the husbands coming to walk their wives home from work, the high schoolers on hot chocolate dates in the big city. But it was always the small things that got her.

She hadn’t prepared herself, and her eyes automatically went to the walls when she cleared the doors. The ocean mural. The jellyfish, the sea turtle on the wall that Grayson had said looked like Ethan once. It hit her like a ton of bricks, her chest so tight that she reached up to press on it as she heard his voice in her head. It made her feel pathetic, the way she had to stop and grab onto the rail in the hall and steady herself for a moment. She counted her breaths, trying her hardest to shut her mind off, staring at the blue of the walls as she willed herself to be okay, just for another day.

Grayson was staring at the water. Or at least, he was trying to. The moon wasn’t very bright, but it reflected enough off the ocean for him to get a sense of which way the sun would come up. The whole surface was washed black by the night sky, and it was peaceful. He wanted to swim in it. He wanted to sink beneath it and find that blissful quiet you could only find underwater.

He’d fallen asleep soon after Ethan had left him alone, which meant he found himself wide awake at 4 am, body tired of being asleep. Sitting in bed would only make things worse, so he sent Ethan a quick text and headed off in the Porsche towards the secret beach. There was no one else there so early in the morning, and he was grateful. It gave him the peace of mind to curl in on himself, let the tears flow freely as the waves lapped at the shore, returning over and over.

Time ran away from him in the dark. His tears ceased eventually, dried themselves out as he sat in his misery. He didn’t fight it. Instead, he let it wash over him, sink into every pore and weigh him down, wishing he could somehow disappear into the sand as the sun started to rise and wash the world in light orange. His phone buzzed, no doubt a text from his brother. He elected to ignore it, keeping his eyes on the water, counting the waves as they came in. It was admirable, the dedication they showed; returning every time they got sucked back out.

At some point, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and he sighed, pulling his hood up over his head in a feeble attempt to hide himself from whoever was watching him. He stood up and brushed the sand off himself, ducking his head down and jogging straight back to his car, hoping whoever it was wasn’t trying to come up to him.

As soon as he ducked into his car and pulled the door shut, he sunk down, resting his forehead against his steering wheel.

“Fuck!” He yelled, smacking his dashboard. His radio turned on with a jolt, connected to his phone and automatically starting his playlist. Cudi blared through the speakers and he groaned, hitting all the wrong buttons in an attempt to get it to turn off.

“Stop, fucking stop!” In a last attempt he chucked his phone across the car, watched it ricochet off the dash and down into the floorboard. He threw his car into reverse with blurry eyes, desperate to get away from anyone who might have a camera. He was paranoid the whole drive home that someone was watching, eyes darting to the windows of any car he ended up next to at a stoplight. It wasn’t until he got the gate closed behind him and he was in the house that he felt like he could breathe again. With Ethan still asleep down the hall, he choked back his sobs as he sat down at the counter, face in his hands.

Indy was taking deep breaths behind the counter as the line started to pile up at Jet’s. She looked to her right, frowning at the stress on her new coworker, Mariposa’s, face as the cups continued to line up next to her.

“Hey Posie,” she called over between customers. “Do you wanna switch?”

“God yes,” she exclaimed, rushing to take Indy’s place at the register so she could move over to the bar.

Indiana preferred it that way. She didn’t have to smile for a latte, she just had to pour it and try not to burn her fingers and move on to the next. It had come back like second nature to her, and she liked the fast pace. It gave less time for her to think, and she welcomed the numbing repetition. She kept an ear piqued towards the register, listening to the orders coming in so she could get ahead. The next one came from a taller man, his face hidden behind a coat.

“Just give me the biggest cup of the strongest stuff you’ve got.”

Indy dropped her cup, a half poured latte splattering all over her hands first, down her apron, then the bottom of her jeans and onto her shoes. It only took one look over at the man to realize it wasn’t Grayson, and she deflated.

“Shit,” she hissed, flicking her hands in an attempt to chill the burn that was already searing on her skin. She side-stepped to the sink, flipping the cold water on and letting it flow over her hands. It stung even more, and she sighed at the bright red of her skin. She’d had enough burns from her time as a barista to know that it would blister.

“Indiana, you okay?” Patrick called from the ovens, moving a line of pastries in and out.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

He frowned, but kept quiet, letting her get back into the groove of making drinks. Indy could feel him watching her, the familiar weight of a protective eye over her shoulder. At least he was kind enough to wait until her shift was over before he tried to talk to her again.

“Hey, how’s your hand?”

Indy looked down and sighed at the sight of her red skin, resisting the urge to rub it. Instead, she moved to the first aid kit and grabbed a wrap bandage.

“It’s been better, but I’ll survive.”

“Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow,” Patrick suggested as casually as he could. “You know, to rest your hand.”

Indy scoffed.

“It’s not gonna fall off Patrick, I’m fine.”

He sighed. “Fine, if you’re gonna make me say it then I will. You’re a hard worker, one of the best we have, but you’re exhausted. We can all see it, and you don’t need to burn yourself out like this for a minimum wage job. So, you’re off tomorrow. No exceptions.”

“But-”

“No. Exceptions.”

Her anger bubbled up in her like the blister forming on her thumb, but she knew it wasn’t Patrick’s fault. He was right - she was just upset at the idea of having an entire day with nothing to distract her. An empty apartment had never seemed so daunting, and it was all she could think about as she clocked out, got her things together, and walked home.

It was quieter than she’d imagined when she got through the door, the click of the latch echoing through the still space. She thought of turning on music, but that only made her think of Grayson, singing off-key next to her in the truck. She could put on a movie, but it would make her think of cuddling with him on the couch. Her bed was where he had been so many nights. He’d cooked in her kitchen, he’d helped her move furniture in the guest room.

She couldn’t escape him, no matter where she went. And so, as pathetic as she felt doing it, she sunk down right there on the floor, and she let the misery have her. It came in broken sobs that caught on her throat on the way out, too loud even for her own ears as she tried to imagine a day where she didn’t feel like the world was crumbling around her.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there. But eventually, the things no one ever talked about started to happen. Her butt went numb, and her head started to hurt, and her lips got dry from the saltwater that ran over them. None of that mattered though. What finally got her up from the cold floor was the fact that she was sticky - remnants of the vanilla syrup in the latte that she’d dropped finally congealing and making her feel more disgusting than the tears. She peeled herself up off the floor and headed to her bathroom.

Grayson was in the shower, with his head down, water splashing over his back and bouncing off his shoulders - a statue in the rain. It was the best place to avoid getting on his phone, considering he couldn’t, and that was the only way he could trust himself to not get on twitter and see the aftermath of the morning.

He wondered for a moment what he looked like from outside the glass shower door, standing there with his razor up by his chest. The blades clogged with the long hairs he shaved from his chest, leaving him bare and smoother than he’d been in months. He sat the razor down and moved to pick up a clear bottle from the shelf. Polis was scribbled on it in sharpie in Ethan’s handwriting, remnants of a Wakeheart meeting. Grayson could remember how excited he was to pitch the idea, even if it was over zoom.

“I finally came up with the third body wash scent. Vanilla, with a hint of coffee and then a little bit of sandalwood to keep it professional and put together.”

He’d had to whisper it - Indy was asleep in her room, the product of a good post study-session back rub that had lulled her into a much-needed nap. The team loved it, thought it complimented the other two scents they’d been testing well. Ethan was hesitant, but he kept his mouth shut and brainstormed a backup if needed.

Grayson was thankful for the gesture, even when he’d told him that he’d started planning it as early as he had. But he wasn’t willing to give it up, and he made it very clear in their first meeting back that Polis was a permanent scent. It felt like a tiny piece of her that he could hold onto. Still, as he stood there and held the bottle up to his nose, it wasn’t the same. As pitiful as it made him feel, he tried closing his eyes, tried to imagine she was there with him, standing in front of him, giggling like she always did when they showered together.

He couldn’t do it justice. Couldn’t feel the warmth of her skin against his, couldn’t smell her shampoo or watch her try to bend over and shave her legs in her small apartment shower without bumping into him. He’d held her hips to help her keep her balance, listened to her laugh and talk about casual intimacy, heard the way it echoed off the tiles and became his favorite sound in the entire world.

His tears mixed with the water, his pain palpable as he started to quiver just barely, the memory enough to break down the paper thin wall he’d managed to drag back up to protect himself. When his knees shook he gave up and sunk to the ground, green tiles of the bench seat icy against his back as he buried his face in his hands. He’d never felt weaker in his life, and he wished he was ten again, so his dad could wrap his strong arm around his shoulder and tell him that everything would be alright.

He went for the next best thing once he managed to get enough energy to get up and turn the water off. A few swipes of his towel over his body and hair, then he pulled his boxers on and put on his robe, walking straight out of his room and down the hall.

Ethan’s door was open, but he wasn’t in his bed like Gray expected. He was at his desk instead, a look of stress on his face that Grayson was all too familiar with. A pang of guilt resonated in him when he realized what his brother was doing - picking up all the slack that he was leaving in his misery.

He hadn’t said a word about it though, and that made it worse.

It took Ethan a moment to realize his brother was there, but as soon as he did he turned his desk chair, giving him his full attention.

“Hey.”

Grayson didn’t answer.

“You okay?” Ethan tried again. Grayson’s throat burned, and he shook his head, sitting on the end of the bed. He’d never been able to hide from Ethan, and luckily, he never really had to. Because Ethan was the type of brother to act tough when he needed to, but soften up at the smallest things. Which was why Grayson wasn’t surprised to see his brother rise up out of his chair, coming to sit next to him. The bed sunk down a bit with his weight, and Grayson let himself press up against his brother. The air felt heavy while he waited.

“You’re good. Just let it out.” Ethan’s voice was quiet, and he leaned his cheek against his brother’s head and felt him go to pieces. It was the hardest Grayson had cried since the airport, and every sniffle made his head pound but he couldn’t pull himself together. Those were the kind of moments where he wondered how people survived without twin brothers. He felt safe there with Ethan - if everything else fell apart, at least he’d have him. There were a million things he could say, but he already knew what the answers would be. Ethan would tell him that he’d find someone else some day, and that Indy would heal and that he shouldn’t feel guilty for doing what he did. He also knew that Ethan would say all of it even if he didn’t believe it, because their pain was shared.

Grayson cried himself out again after an hour or so, his sinuses pounding behind his eyes as the headache settled in.

Ethan stayed still - he knew better than to leave him. It wasn’t until Grayson finally wiped at his eyes that his brother relaxed a bit, watched him stand up and run his hands over his face. It felt colder without Ethan right next to him, but he knew he needed to sleep.

“Try to get some sleep,” Ethan echoed his thoughts. “We need to record the pod tonight if you can.”

“Okay. I can help with the emails, I know we probably have a shit ton.”

Ethan was already shaking his head before he finished.

“Just get some sleep, okay?”

Grayson nodded and gave him the best smile he could manage before he went back into his room, climbing back into the safety of his covers with his phone in his hand, just in case she called.

Indy’s pillow was wet. It was mainly from her hair soaking into the pillowcase - she didn’t have the energy to dry it after her shower. But she’d also made a terrible mistake. One scroll through the app store and a quick log in and she was back onto instagram, ignoring the now thousands of follow requests she had in her notifications. It only took one click to her explore page and her tears were adding to the moisture below her cheek.

He had on his Cudi hoodie, the yellow one. She wished she’d been there to tell him not to wear it. It was too bright, a target for the cameras that seemed to find him. The first ones she saw stung. They were only of his back, taken from far enough away that she could pretend it was someone else. But she knew the way he sat, with his arms over his knees.

The next ones hurt, because she could see his face. He was walking, and she knew him well enough to know he’d realized what was happening and tried to leave, just from his posture, the way he slumped while walking. His eyes were red, those dark circles that she’d ran her fingers over so many times worse than she’d ever seen them. Ever since he’d left, she’d wanted to know how he felt. If he missed her at all, if he was as miserable as she seemed to be every minute of every day.

It hurt worse to get her answer than it did to wonder. She’d hoped he was upset, but suddenly all she wanted to do was hold him, tell him it was okay, that she was okay even though she wasn’t. It was impossible not to scroll, looking for anything new, any hints as to what he had been up to since he’d gotten off that plane.

She had never asked for a front row seat to his life, but she’d take it if it was the only glimpse of him that she could get. It made her feel pathetic, but she didn’t care enough to fight it.

Eventually, she found herself scrolling his page. She couldn’t tell how she got there, but she couldn’t seem to leave it either. So she just scrolled, averting her eyes from any comments, and pretending, just for a moment, that everything was back to the way it was. That he was just busy recording a podcast, or that he’d be sprawled out on her couch when she went out to the living room.

She held onto it until she walked out of her room, knowing she needed to eat even though she didn’t want to. She kept her eyes off the couch, moving to her cabinets that were barren apart from a few avocados that were rotten. With a sigh she threw them in the trash that was close to overflowing, opting instead for the last box of mac and cheese she had left.

Indy was thankful for muscle memory, her mind wandering off to better days where her kitchen wasn’t so quiet as she cooked the pasta she really didn’t want and took it back to her room, curling up under her covers as she ate.

Grayson had two empty boxes of vegan mac and cheese in front of him, one of which obviously had an ‘E’ scribbled on it that he’d ignored when he made them. He shoveled the noodles into his mouth, ignoring the way they burnt his tongue just barely. Ethan walked in and saw the boxes, opened his mouth and shut it again.

“S’pod setup?” Grayson said around a mouthful.

“Yeah, I set up the pod, we’re good whenever you’re ready.”

“Gimminute.”

Ethan just chuckled and shook his head, happy to at least see his brother eating even if he was shoveling it down like he hadn’t seen food before. He waited, seeing that Gray was done within the next two minutes, sitting his bowl in the sink and stretching his arms out. He looked tired, but Ethan hoped the pod camera was far enough away from them to make the dark circles subtle enough.

“Do you want some of my old concealer stuff? For under your eyes?”

Grayson hesitated for a moment, picking at his nails. “You still have it?”

“Yeah, hang on.” Ethan ran to his bathroom, snagged the compact from his bottom drawer and brought it to the kitchen. “Come over here, you’re supposed to do it in natural light.”

He held it out for Grayson, who just looked up at him.

“I don’t know how the fuck to do it, you do it.”

“Do I look like a makeup artist to you?” Ethan asked, and when Grayson stayed quiet, he sighed and flipped the compact open, swiping his finger through the semi-creamy substance and moving to pat it on his brother, frowning when it was more difficult than he thought it would be. “Look up you fuck, I gotta blend it.”

Grayson just rolled his eyes but did as he was told, sitting still until E said he was finished and led the way to the studio. They got settled in their chairs, double checking the camera angles. Ethan cleared his throat, waiting until his brother looked at him.

“Are we… do you want to mention anything about…”

Grayson waited. He wondered if his brother was really going to be dumb enough to ask.

“Are we talking about the pictures, yes or no.”

“What the fuck do you think the answer to that is,” Gray grumbled.

“I’m just saying, if you mention it you can say what you want about it, get your own voice out there. Whatever you say, I’ll go along with it.”

“Great.”

Grayson took a deep breath, gave Ethan a look that read as an apology, and clicked the button to start recording. He stayed fairly quiet the first few minutes of the recording, waiting to jump into a conversation that didn’t make his throat tight. The podcast was his favorite place, because he could let himself actually speak, say what he wanted to say without worrying.

It came back to bite him in the ass 45 minutes into the episode, when his guard was down and he had finally lost himself the way he did when he worked. They were talking about birds, and how they had a bad, unjustified rep.

“I mean, Gizmo can be an asshole sometimes, but she’s only an asshole when people are like, scared of her,” Ethan mused.

“Right! She gets all shy when I come home after a while, but when Dee came in the house the first time she was freaking out, just from hearing her and I swear, every time after that Giz just like, screamed every single time she was even in the house.”

“Gray-”

“No seriously! You remember how loud she got? Fuck, remember that time she went down to help mom with dessert and Giz was out and she cried?”

“Grayson.”

“What? Did I peak the mic?”

Ethan’s eyes were sad. “You… you said her name.”

“Huh?”

“Indiana. You said Dee, when you were telling that story.”

He swallowed hard. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He could see him spiraling, and he tried to reel him back in. “You’re okay. We can just cut it, and start again with a story about Gizmo.”

“Yeah uh… just give me a second.”

“Sure. Whatever you need.”

“Just, uh, say what you said again before,” Grayson murmured, shaking his head to try and clear it. But it was too late - he was so consumed by what his mind had brought back to the surface that he could barely hear Ethan repeat his words.

“Yeah-” Grayson came in a moment late. “Giz is a special one.”

Ethan waited for him to continue, but jumped in when he didn’t. “She gets shy when you haven’t been home in a while and you show up. That’s the thing about animals dude, like people think about cats and dogs and they can recognize their emotions, but with stuff like birds and cows and shit, people just don’t think about them that way, and it fucking sucks. They have feelings too! Gizmo’s fucking sassy bro, she will let you know how she’s feeling, especially if she’s pissed. Bro, we should have Giz on the pod, do you think she’d talk? She can whistle, we could show off her tricks.”

“You can’t put a bird on a plane,” Grayson mumbled. His eyes were fixed down on the blue center of the table, and he was fidgeting with his sleeves.

“Yeah, but we can put the mics in our suitcases and just record at home.”

Ethan realized it a moment too late. He wanted to snatch his words out of the air, scratch them from the tape when he saw the way Grayson’s eyes met his, saw the gloss near his waterline.

“Yeah - uh - um,” Grayson tried to save it, and then he covered his mouth, silencing the squeak that turned into a sob. He pretended it was a cough, bringing his hand up and running his fingers over his forehead, shielding his eyes from the camera.

“I uh, I miss home a lot more this time than I usually do,” he said, his voice froggy with the tightness of his throat. Ethan couldn’t say anything. There was nothing to say as he watched his brother fight and lose in his battle to keep his composure, covering his mouth as he cried, knuckles brushing up against the mic.

“Fuck, sorry, I’m sorry E.”

“It’s okay, hey, it’s okay.” Ethan was up so fast he forgot to take off his headphones. They fell back into the chair when they pulled off his ears as he moved to his brother, pulling him up into a hug. “We can finish it later, we’ll just cut to an ad or something. It’s okay.”

“Sorry.”

“Shh. It’s fine bro, it’s fine. C’mon, let’s go get some air.”

Air wasn’t what they found.

Instead, they found Eden, standing against the counter with her arms crossed in a way that had Ethan’s blood running cold. He thought the sight of Grayson practically curled in on himself might have softened her up, but she stood her ground until both of the twins were looking at her.

Grayson knew that she knew, and she only confirmed it when she spoke.

“What. The fuck. Is wrong with you.”

Back in New York, Indy’s phone was ringing. Or at least, she thought it was. But when she unlocked it and was blinded by the light, it was just her lockscreen, Grayson smiling at her with 3:04 written across the top. Judging by the darkness, she knew she hadn’t slept the afternoon away, but the buzzing continued until she finally climbed out of bed and realized it was the intercom system - the front desk calling her through the small phone on her wall that hardly ever rang. She pulled it off the receiver and held it up to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ms. Cross, there’s a gentleman here to see you.”

Her heart skipped, and she clutched the phone with both her hands.

“Who?”

There was a beat of silence, and Indy could vaguely hear her ask him for a name.

“His name is Devin.”

She sucked in a breath, letting her head and her hopes fall.

“Send him up.”

It took her a moment to process her grief before the panic set in. If Devin was showing up unannounced, something bad must have happened. She swung her door open, chewing on her nails as she stood in the doorway, waiting for him to appear. He came out of the elevator with a small duffle slung over his shoulder and a cautious smile that had her ready to cry.

“Dev, what the hell are you doing here? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said.

“Charlie?”

“Also fine. We’re fine.”

She caught her breath, and then she was frowning. “If everything is fine, why the fuck are you here at 3am?”

“Because you haven’t answered your sister’s calls in a week, and she’s worried sick about you.”

Guilt panged in her stomach - she hadn’t meant to ignore her. In all honesty, she’d ignored everyone without realizing it.

“I- sorry, I didn’t mean to. Just slipped my mind. Is she here too?”

“She’s got a wedding to shoot this weekend, and we only had one ticket anyways. Flight got delayed, tried to find a hotel for the night so I could wait until later this morning but I couldn’t find one so you’re stuck with me. Sorry,” he teased, reaching out to hold onto her shoulder. There was no malice in his voice, and Indy was grateful. “Let’s go inside.”

He didn’t ask for it, but she made him a coffee anyways alongside her own. She was tired, her eyes burning, but it wasn’t anything new from the last few weeks. She fought it, pulling one of the few sweatshirts Grayson had left at her place over her head before she sat on the couch, waiting.

Devin was quiet, tapping his fingers against his mug, out of his element.

“Dev.”

“Hmm?”

“You didn’t fly to New York to drink coffee with me. Talk.”

He sighed, sitting his mug down on the coffee table and turning towards her.

“Inds, we’re worried about you.”

Indy scoffed, a short, automatic sound.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t. You really, really aren’t. You’re running yourself into the ground for no good reason.”

“I’m trying to pay rent,” she countered, but even she knew it wasn’t true.

“Your hospital job pays more than rent. Jet’s is just because you’re scared to let your mind rest.”

Indy didn’t have an answer, so she sipped her coffee instead, cursing herself for telling Charlie everything in a moment of weakness. The silence was loud, and Devin sighed to break it after far too long.

“Have you talked to him? Since?”

Her throat was tight. “No.”

Devin wrung his hands together. “You do know it was fucked up what he did, right?”

“Dev-”

“I’m just making sure you know that. You can still make your own decision on however you wanna navigate it in the future, but you have to acknowledge that what he did was a new level of shitty. And he’s a good guy, I really do think he is, but he fucked you over, and you’re my family. And I protect my family. So I just need you to know that you didn’t deserve what he did to you, and he fucked up. Big time.”

“Right.”

“Okay, good.”

She let him believe it, though she’d only said it to appease him. She wondered if he would feel differently, if he had seen. If he had felt, the way that Grayson had shook in her arms, the way his sobs seemed to be ripping him apart every moment that he was hurting her. She wanted to pull up her phone, show him the pictures from the beach, show him that he was hurting too, that he didn’t want to hurt her. She wanted to prove it to him.

“When does your semester start?” He asked, pulling her mind off of it. She swallowed hard, then took another drink of coffee.

Indiana had spent three days in self pity when she got back from the airport. She let the misery have her fully - didn’t change her clothes, barely ate, hardly left her bedroom. And then, after that, she picked herself up and got to work. She applied for her tech job and called Patrick to see if she could get the schedules to align, and more importantly, she’d started to run numbers.

Medical school. Just the application fees alone were going to hit her budget hard, so much so that she reduced it down to two. JCU, and UCLA.

Her applications had gotten accepted three days prior, along with an email about a scholarship she was eligible for at UCLA that made it comparable to JCU’s tuition. But the money wasn’t the issue, and when it was time to accept, she knew that UCLA wouldn’t hold her spot forever.

She’d taken a deep breath, and emailed the registrar.

“I deferred.”

She was embarrassed to say it outloud, and for some reason it was the brick of the dam that fell, and her tears began to flow. She felt Devin’s hand on her shoulder before he spoke.

“Good.”

She hadn’t expected him to be mean - in fact, the meanest thing she’d ever heard him say was what he’d just said about Grayson. But it still shocked her enough to have her frowning.

“Good?”

“Indy. Do you realize how long you’ve been a student? Do you know who you are outside of being one?”

“I-”

“You’re the smartest person I know, and I love you, but I think you need to take a step back and really look at what you’re doing. Take a semester, fuck, take a year. Live. Breathe. You’re already ahead, and you’ll still be ahead.”

“I’m not worried about being ahead, Dev,” she whispered, running her hands over her face.

“Then what are you worried about?” There was a sincerness in his voice, and a gentleness in the way he held her hand that made her cry even harder.

“I just don’t know what the fuck to do anymore,” she blubbered, grateful when he pulled her over to his chest in a hug. He let her cry it out for a while, waiting until she was calm enough to hear him.

“I don’t have the answer to that, but I say, ask yourself what you really want the rest of your life to look like, and then do whatever you have to to get there. If it’s being a doctor, great. If it’s not, great. Just as long as it’s what you want.”

She took a shaky breath in, and blew it out through her lips, simply giving him a nod.

The problem was, she knew exactly what she wanted - and he was off in Los Angeles, cowering behind his brother.

“Baby, woah, hey, take it easy,” Ethan cautioned, side stepping into the war path she’d outlined, headed straight for Grayson. Her eyes were fire when she looked at her boyfriend and raised an eyebrow.

“He’s having a rough night, just take it easy,” he added.

He stoked the flames.

“You know who else is probably having a rough fucking night? Indiana. And we are gonna talk later-” she poked a finger into Ethan’s chest - “but right now, I’m not talking to you so I suggest you get out of my way.”

There was a bite in her tone that had Ethan rocking back on his heels, questioning just how far his duties as protective brother would go. He breathed out a sigh when he felt Grayson’s hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine E.”

He’d never admit it, but Grayson had been waiting. Ever since he pulled away on New Year’s, he had waited for the punishment. The anger, the disbelief, the spite that he thought would arise in Indiana at the realization of what he’d done.

It wasn’t until he got off the plane and into his room that he realized his true punishment would be the guilt, and the grief, and the realization that he’d pushed away the only future he’d ever truly known he wanted.

The anger was a welcomed change.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck, Grayson.”

“I know.”

“I don’t say a lot of shit about a lot of shit, but whoever you decide to be with could possibly end up as part of my family, forever, so fuck me if I’m invested, and I think I deserve an explanation on why I just got a call from Charlie to see if I’d talked to Indy, cause she’s ‘really going through it’.”

“I didn’t want to hurt her.” His eyes turned glossy, and Ethan stood up straighter.

“The fuck you didn’t,” she scoffed, running her hand through her hair to push her curls out of her face. “You realize how badly you fucked up, right? Right?”

“Yes.”

“And that you broke her heart right? Probably absolutely fucking destroyed her.”

“Eden-” Ethan spoke up.

“Yes,” Grayson answered, his chest tight. He wrapped his arms around himself, willed them to hold him together. It felt different, to have someone say it to him so directly, to confirm what he had done.

“Then why? Just… why?”

“Long distance wouldn’t have worked, and I didn’t want -”

“Oh bullshit. No one would have tried harder than Indiana to make that work, you fucking know that.”

“She shouldn’t have to deal with that, with me being so far away -”

“God you fucking self-sacrificial fuck!” She yelled. “She loved you, you moron, and when you love someone, you give! You hit a crossroads, you sit down and have a fucking conversation, and you fucking give! That’s what a fucking real relationship looks like, not you deciding that you don’t deserve to be loved and running in the other fucking direction!” Her face was red when she stopped to catch her breath. Ethan looked just as shocked at the outburst as his brother. Her mind seemed to catch up to her ears, and she backtracked.

“Sorry, fuck, that was -”

“No, you're right. You’re right. Everything you said was fucking right,” Grayson didn’t even try to hide his tears. He blubbered into his hands, ugly choking sobs that he wasn’t sure how he even produced. Ethan was at his side immediately, arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“What do I do?” He asked, voice muffled by his hands until he finally raised his head and looked at Eden with pleading eyes, waiting for an answer she was reluctant to give.

“You let her live. Don’t text her, don’t call her. If she calls, you don’t answer. When you go home, you don’t see her. You let her let go, and move on.”

All he could do was nod, and lean into his brother.

Indy leaned against the wall. It was cold and unrelenting against her shoulder, but it held her up better than her own legs would. She’d dropped Devin off at the airport that afternoon, and found herself back on the ped’s floor, waiting.

Valentina spotted her first from the nurses station, and the way she held her clipboard made it look like a weapon.

“My eyes better be deceiving me, cause’ I know that is not Indiana Cross standing in my hallway on her day off.”

Indy found it in her to laugh dryly. “Relax Val, I’m here to see Beks. Haven’t gotten to visit her off the clock for a while.”

Valentina still gave her signature disapproving stare, but she gave it up with a sigh. “Well, her family is visiting too. Mom and Dad, if you wanna say hi.”

It had been a long time since she’d seen Mr. and Mrs. Newcomb. They were lovely people, and they truly did come see her as often as they could. But they also worked two jobs a piece to try to foot the medical bills, which meant often was scarce.

Indy had never seen them in the same room before, and her stomach tightened. She was hesitant to go to Bekah’s room, scared to interrupt, but when she peaked her head around her doorway, she saw the couple sitting on the couch in the room quietly.

Mrs. Newcomb spotted her, eyes brightening as she waved her inside.

“Come in, come in!”

Indy was still hesitant as she walked inside, eyes darting over to a sleeping Bekah. She was curled up under her halloween blanket, brows furrowed down and skin pale.

“Hi Indiana, how are you sweet girl?” Mrs. Newcomb asked.

“I’m good, I’m sorry to interrupt, I just thought I might stop by and check on her but I don’t want to intrude.”

“No, no you’re fine! She was actually asking about you just before she went to sleep, you and Earring, whoever that is. Hang on.”

Indy watched as she moved over to the edge of her daughter’s bed, running her thumb along her cheek until she started to stir.

“Sweetheart, Indiana is here to see you. Can you open your eyes for me?”

Bekah whined, but pulled her eyes open, smiling slightly when Indiana moved into her view.

“Hey punk,” Indy said, crouching down so she could get to her level.

“Hey,” she whispered, voice hoarse. On instinct, Indy reached out to fix her head wrap, making Bekah’s mother smile. “What time is it?”

“6:55,” Indy answered.

“Mmm. Meds coming soon,” she mumbled. “Where’s Earrings? He doesn’t like needles, don’t let him see the needles.”

“No needles baby,” Mrs. Newcomb said. “Just some to make you feel better. You rest now.”

“Earrings,” she said again, and Indy could tell she was asking.

“He’ll be here to see you soon,” Indy lied, rubbing over her wrap like she would her hair if it was still there.

It didn’t click for Indiana until 7 rolled around, and Jennifer came in with a cup of pills instead of an IV pole.

Radiation and chemo don’t come in pills, Indy knew that much.

Mrs. Newcomb watched the realization come across her face, and she gave her a sympathetic smile.

“She’s… she didn’t get her meds.”

“Indiana baby, it’s what she wants. The new round didn’t work, the stem cells failed. It’s time to let her rest. We’ll keep her comfortable, the doctor says it’ll probably be a few weeks, maybe a month.”

Indy’s throat burned, and her breathing quickened, chest rising much too fast. She couldn’t say goodbye to anyone - it took all her focus to make it out of the building, running down the stairs and across the lobby before she was dry heaving in the bushes, the sight of Bekah’s frail body in her bed appearing every time she closed her eyes.

It wasn’t a conscious decision. More of an instinct, really, that drove her to pull her phone out of her pocket and pull him up and call.

In LA, Grayson’s phone buzzed against his nightstand. A new picture of Indiana popped up - her contact photo that he’d taken one day in Jersey. With a knot in his throat and Eden’s voice in his ears, he reached over and turned it off before rolling away and letting his tears soak into the pillowcase.

#mixtape #SO SORRY #im prepared for the yelling again #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fanfiction

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keeptheotherone · 3 years

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Mecation: Day 1

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages.

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life.

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college.

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with.

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential!

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day.

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease.

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian.

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :)

#ktoo travels #covid coping #mental health #about ktoo #ktoo nurses #herself

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shutupandshipit · 3 years

Text

Little Socks - Oneshot

Summary: So, Katsuki thought maybe he was ready to broach a subject the two of them had never discussed before. Not even in passing. "Izu," he said, head pillowed on his arms on the edge of the tub while he waited for his alpha to finish rinsing off and join him.

"Yes, love?" Izuku replied absentmindedly, hands still shoved root deep into his mass of curls. Even wet and brushing his waist, his hair was still thick with a stray curl poking out here and there in rebellion against the water.

Katsuki's omega purred contentedly in his chest at the pet name. He let the sound out, just a quiet rumble from his nostrils, barely loud enough to hear. "Have you ever thought of having pups?"

.....

Or where Katsuki and Izuku discuss having kids, and Izuku lets on about a fear he has.

Pairing: Bakudeku

Rating: T

Author’s Note: It’s a Christmas fic, y’all. Pure and simple fluff. Enjoy!

Katsuki and Izuku had been together for the better part of a rather domestically happy decade. Yeah, they had their bad days just like any other couple, but they were good more often than not. Christmas Eve found them getting ready to wrap up another happy year together. This would be their first holiday season together without being on call for some time because even though the country pretty much shut down for the holiday, villainy never ceased. So, heroes took turns being on call during the holidays. This year they weren't even on the list as backups. They had from the 24th of December all the way to the 2nd of January all to themselves.

So, Katsuki thought maybe he was ready to broach a subject the two of them had never discussed before. Not even in passing. "Izu," he said, head pillowed on his arms on the edge of the tub while he waited for his alpha to finish rinsing off and join him.

Katsuki's omega purred contentedly in his chest at the pet name. He let the sound out, just a quiet rumble from his nostrils, barely loud enough to hear. "Have you ever thought of having pups?" Whether it was an outcome of his stupid omega brain or a conclusion he'd come to on his own, Katsuki had wanted children with Izuku since they'd gotten together in their first year as pro-heroes. Not wanting to push, he'd never mentioned the topic and figured Izuku would eventually bring it up. They'd been unmarried, sharing a teeny tiny apartment with four other people, just starting out and living paycheck to paycheck. It had been a bad time, so he'd let it drift to the back of his mind, and waited.

Things were different now though, and Izuku still hadn't brought it up. The idea. The possibility. The, Katsuki was hesitant to say, eventuality.

Izuku stalled for the space of a moment, but didn't raise his head to look at Katsuki. It was harder to tell with the heavy moist air of the room, but a sour note slashed straight through Izuku's normally mint and rainstorm scent. He could hear as Izuku swallowed and continued rinsing conditioner from his hair. "Uh, no, not really. Why do you ask?" That sour note flared again.

A lie if Katsuki had ever heard one from Izuku. Taking the higher road, he didn't call him on it.

Humming, he reached out a hand to wrap a strand of Izuku's hair around his fingers. "Just been thinking that we're in a good place for it. We're at the top of the hero charts, have a steady income. We're not starving sidekicks anymore. We've been married for three years now, and mated longer. I think we're ready."

Finishing, Izuku wound his hair into a knot on the top of his head that Katsuki was going to have to untangle for him later, and waited for Katsuki to adjust so he could climb in between his legs. Izuku leaned back against his chest. Catching one of his hands, he dugs his thumbs into the sensitive flesh of his palm, massaging gently.

"Izu?" Katsuki said against the top of his head when he didn't answer. He couldn't see Izuku's face, but he could feel the tension all along his back.

"That was a lie."

"I know."

"It's just that..." Trailing off, Izuku released a frustrated little huff.

"Do you not want to have kids?" Katsuki's omega whined pitifully in his chest, jumping to conclusions as it always did. He shoved its head down, refusing to take Izuku's silence as confirmation.

Izuku didn't speak until he moved to Katsuki's opposite hand. "It's not that, it's just that... I'm scared."

Katsuki pressed a kiss to the back of Izuku's neck before moving to pepper his shoulders. "Why are you scared?"

Breath hitching, Izuku tilted his head in submission and Katsuki's omega purred at the display. "It's just that... I didn't grow up with my dad around. I haven't seen him since I was four. I haven't talked to him since I was six! The only reason we know he isn't dead is the flowers he sends every year on my parents' anniversary and my birthday cards!"

Katsuki ran his free hand over Izuku's belly, pulling his flush against his body. "I remember the day he left. It was the first day we met and I shared my ice cream with you because you looked so pitiful. Even your All Might balloon looked depressed, partially deflated and almost hitting the floor. It was so ugly."

Izuku snorted out a small laugh which was the whole reason Katsuki had mentioned it anyway. "I just... how am I supposed to know how to be a dad when I never had one around? What if I'm a terrible dad? I don't... want to be a bad dad. I don't want to be like mine was... is."

"Izuku, baby, listen to me," Katsuki said, moving his hand so that he could slot their fingers together, squeezing tightly, "You're not going to be a bad father, you want to know how I know? Because you had a mother who raised you right. You're great with kids of all ages. And you're you. Nobody is perfect, that's not what I'm saying. Everyone makes mistakes. That's why there's two of us. We're a team."

Izuku struggled against his hold, trying to turn and face him, but Katsuki held fast. He snarled, frustrated. "You don't know that though! You can't know that!"

"I do because you're my mate! I wouldn't have chosen some two-bit alpha who was going to be a shit dad," Katsuki told him truthfully, and sighed when Izuku only continued to struggle. He let his alpha turn to face him, but caught his face in his hands before he could talk. "Izuku, just fucking be there and you'll already be doing better."

Tears filled Izuku's eyes and spilled over just as quickly. Shakily, he asked, "You really think I'd be a good father?"

"Yes."

"You really want to have kids with me?"

Katsuki pressed a kiss to his nose and then his forehead. "Have since we first started dating."

Green eyes grew impossibly wide. "Really?"

"Really really."

Izuku beamed, pressing in for a languid kiss that Katsuki drank up. When they pulled apart, Izuku was still smiling.

"Get back in here, nerd," Katsuki grumbled, pushing on Izuku's shoulder to get him to turn back around. "Tomorrow's Christmas, and I want to get to bed soon."

.....

They woke with the rising of the sun like the did most mornings, but Christmas was a particularly special sunrise for them. It had been the day they'd started dating, tipsy and swaying beneath mistletoe at Yaoyorozu's home. Bundled tight in heavy coats and scarves, they climbed to the top of the roof with cups of steaming coffee to cuddle together as the first rays of sun crested over the horizon. Around them, the world's sounds were silenced with the thick blanket of fresh snow.

Anxiety was a thick cord around Katsuki's throat making it difficult to enjoy that silence, and it was all he could do not to let the anxiety leak into his scent. He tugged at his scarf as he cleared his throat. Izuku glanced over at him with sleepy green eyes and that dopey enamored smiled Katsuki loved so much. "Listen, I know we're not doing gifts till later, but I want you to open this one now." He extracted a thin black box from the pocket of his coat, holding it out to Izuku with a trembling hand.

Sitting up straight, Izuku stared down at the box in confusion. When he traded his coffee mug for it, he frowned and then grinned again. "What's in here, Kacchan? It's so light."

Rolling his eyes, Katsuki huffed, "Just open it, alright."

There wasn't much too it, just a lidded box he'd taped shut and slapped a bow on the top of, but he'd kept it tucked away just for this moment.

Izuku was careful as the sky began to brighten. He peeled each piece of tape off to ball up and tuck away in his pocket. When he lifted the lid and handed it to Katsuki, he just stared down in confusion at the contents.

The anxiety reared up again, hot in Katsuki's stomach, musky and so thick in his scent that even he could smell it. His omega whined just as anxiously, a high whistling trill only he could hear. They waited.

Izuku picked up the teeny tiny pair of socks, one patterned with his hero colors and the other with Katsuki's. He chuckled, and Katsuki's throat clenched. Izuku hadn't turned to look at him yet which gave him time to hide the sheer panic that roared through him. "These are so cute, Kacchan," he cooed, "but it's kind of a weird gag gift. These are way too small for me. They're small enough for a-" He cut off abruptly, eyes having dropped back to see what else was in the box.

Tears bloomed in his eyes as he picked up the picture of an ultrasound, hands trembling as he stared. He looked to Katsuki, smile watery. "Is this- Are you- Kacchan?"

Katsuki nodded, mouth still set in an uncertain line as he looked at Izuku. "I'm pregnant. I found out a few weeks ago, but I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't know how you would react, and-"

With a happy cry, Izuku launched himself at Katsuki, and the careful grip he'd had on their cups disappeared in favor of making sure they didn't go plummeting to their deaths. Their cups clattered down the roof and dropped into the snow with soft ' thumps '.

Izuku pressed kiss after kiss across Katsuki's face until they were both laughing with the thrill of it. "You're pregnant! I'm going to be a dad! I-I-I-I-" He was sobbing, full-bodied and snotty and grinning. "Kacchan, I can't wait!"

"There's going to be nothing to wait for if you knock us off the roof and kill us, shitty nerd!" But he was laughing and holding Izuku back just as tightly as they rocked to and fro. Their scents tangled and mixed as harmoniously as they always had.

Pulling back and kissing Katsuki again, he said, "Let's name her Katsumi!"

"You don't even know if they're going to be a girl!"

"Taiyo if they're a boy!" Izuku replied immediately, smile blinding as the orange sunrise illuminated his face, "But I just know. It's an alpha thing. They're going to be a girl."

Rolling his eyes, Katsuki just hugged Izuku tightly against his chest, pressing a kiss to his alpha's forehead.

"Best Christmas present ever," Izuku whispered.

Of course just like Izuku predicted, when their baby was delivered, they had a little girl.

#my hero academia #mha #bakudeku #dekubaku #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugo #omegaverse #omega!katsuki #because I'm so fucking soft for omega!katsuki #alpha!izuku #my writing #one shot #little socks

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puckngrind · 4 years

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What’s In a Name: 1 - J Toews

Summary: Bekah heads to the 2015 All-Star game in Columbus where she meets Jon.

Warnings: mentions of break up, swearing, smut

Word count: 3205

Series masterlist ) Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist

Numb.

Numb was the word Rebekah finally landed on to describe her state of being. She knew it wasn’t grief. She felt that emotion rip through her soul in waves when thinking of her grandfather who passed away two years prior. This wasn’t that or pain and she knew it.

Her boyfriend of the last four years walked into their shared apartment two days after Christmas in 2014 as she was cleaning up the holiday decorations dancing to the N’Sync Christmas album. He announced he was done with their relationship and moving in with his coworker that night. Rebekah had convinced herself that this man was the one she would marry and spend the rest of her life with. Now the cold, numb feeling she felt said maybe that she willed herself to the feelings of wanting to be married and the thoughts of marriage was not due to the actual love she thought they shared.

“You need to eat Bekah.” Brynn shoved eggs and bacon in front of her face. “And we are going back to your place today to remove the asshole’s presence from it. Got it, Bekah?” Her best friend’s hand landed on Bekah’s in that mom kind of way. To be honest, Brynn was kind of like a second mom. She was older but the two hit it off from the moment they met. Brynn was in accounting and Bekah in marketing at a same firm in Columbus, Ohio. They were work wives if you asked those who interacted with them the most.

“Thanks Rin.” Bekah was the only person to call her a nickname which was a running joke since Brynn’s name was chosen specifically because it did not have nicknames. Of course, Bekah found one and Brynn secretly loved watching her mother flinch when she heard it used.

The two headed over to the Bekah’s apartment after breakfast. “Maybe I should just move? Break the lease?” The realization that she would never feel at home again started settling in as she watched Brynn pack up the pictures from over the fireplace and moved towards bedroom.

“You can come live with us until you find a new place. Derek mentioned it in bed last night.” Brynn and Derek were the cutest married couple Bekah knew. “Plus the team is on a roadie so we can have the house to ourselves to burn things if ya want, drink wine, and of course, eat Jeni’s.”

Derek was a trainer for the Columbus Blue Jackets. He traveled with the team which Brynn sort of loved because she could host nights in when he was out of town but hated that he was gone so much. Bekah knew she hated to be alone but would never admit to it. There was a perk Bekah enjoyed from being friends with Brynn and Derek. She was always the one who went to games with her bestie. While Bekah wouldn’t call herself a die hard fan, she loved the atmosphere of the arena. Hockey was something that amazed her for a multitude of reasons. For starters, the way these giant men skated so gracefully while all 5’7” of herself somewhat athletic self could hardly stand on ice skates. Then they hit pucks and opponents so impressive to watch.

“You just need to get back out there.” Brynn handed Bekah a glass of wine while settling into the couch to watch the last game of 2014.

“I don’t know Rin. I kinda think I need to be alone for awhile. Find myself or whatever.” Bekah sipped her wine and took in the game.

“I’m sure Derek could introduce you to one of the single guys on the team.” Brynn nods to the television. “No strings attached there. You know most of them go home for the summer.” Brynn giggled as she watched her best friend’s face contort.

“Holy shit Brynn! No. NO! Talk about awkward. And they are either married or way young, right?” Bekah barked out.

“Well the ones I’m thinking of are all 21 or older...and maybe you just need to get under someone new, that’s all I’m saying.”

“And a pro hockey player is your solution? Like they would even give me the time of day.” Bekah pulled at her french braid then shoved her empty hand deep into her hoodie attempting hide her insecurities. “I’ve been single for what, five days, friend. I don’t need anyone new right now.”

“Well you should see the way some of the boys look at you. Boone comes to mind.” The gasp out of Bekah’s mouth was enough for Brynn. “When you are ready, just let me know.” She eyed her best friend then dropped the topic for now.

January brought a new chapter. Bekah found a place she loved and swore off men for the near future.

“You are coming to the All Star things with me. Derek already got you an all access pass so you cannot say no. He only gets two.” Brynn announced the week before the All-Star break. She tried to convince Bekah to go with them on vacation but Bekah was already feeling like the third wheel in the few weeks since the breakup and said no.

“That sounds fun.” Brynn’s mouth dropped open when Bekah didn’t fight the announcement.

The city was buzzing and finally felt like a hockey town. Bekah picked Brynn up and the two fluttered around the arena district before taking in the activities on the concourse then headed below to go see Derek. The amount of people in the tunnels was crazy but soon the two found Derek. Bekah pointed to a place to meet and wandered off while the couple spoke.

“So are you related to a Jackets player?” A deep voice boomed above Bekah’s head.

“Huh?” Bekah turns and looks up at the tall, handsome man decked out in All-Star gear. She noticed a 19 on his sweatshirt meaning he was a player.

“Your shirt makes me think you are a Columbus fan and since you are down here...I’m assuming you are a relative. Am I wrong?” His serious face cracks into a slight smile.

“Oh! I’m friends with the trainer.” Bekah replies finally pointing into the sea of people.

“Nice. I’m Jon. And you are?” Jon places his hand out to shake Bekah’s hand. She places her hand in his.

“Rebekah. Bekah to most. Nice to meet you.”‘ she looks up into his dark brown eyes. “So, which team do you play for?” She moves her hand out of his and flicks her finger up towards the number.

“Blackhawks.” Their conversation quickly turning into Chicago and how each enjoyed the city. “Well, Beks, I have to go. Can I find you later?” Jon winks while touching her forearm slightly and she nods feeling her cheeks turning pink before he walks off towards the locker room.

“Oh. My...GIRL!” Bekah hears Brynn almost at squeal level as she turns around. “You were just talking to Jonathan...eekkkk!” Brynn does a little dance and her words become incomprehensible.

“He’s nice.” Bekah smiles looking around to see if he’s in view.

“And single!” Brynn coos.

“Don’t Rin.” She gives Brynn a death glare and that just stop look.

“I’m not...just stating a fact. Let’s go find our seats.” Brynn grabs Bekah’s hand and leads her back up to their glass seats.

The skills competition went on and Bekah noticed every chance Jon got he skated towards where she was sitting. He’d wink or nod and then skated back. Just a little “Hey, I see you” before returning to his captain duties.

“I’m not saying anything but I see you two.” Brynn leans into her best friend. Bekah can feel the heat in her cheeks spreading and with his next stop in front of her she tightened her thighs together trying to will away the way he made her entire body tingle in just how he looked over at her. “Let’s head down before the crowd gets up!” Brynn announced at the last commercial break. The two got up and headed down to meet up with Derek.

“So is there a good place to get a drink around here besides my hotel’s bar?” Jonathan leans down into Bekah’s ear making her heart skip a beat and her body jump. “Sorry, did I startle you?” Brynn’s glowing recommendation of him as well as the way he spoke to her caused Bekah to say yes to drinks at a bar around the corner.

Drinks led to standing outside his hotel room. “Jon.” Bekah grabbed his wrist with a confidence she didn’t think she possessed. His gaze moved from the door to her hazel green eyes. “What are you expecting when we go through that door?” His lips pressed together then curled into a smirk.

“No expectations. Promise. Just come in.” He easily broke her grip and wrapped his hand in hers leading them through the door. Bekah wasn’t sure she knew hotel rooms this large even existed in Columbus and she takes in the space and including the large window where she can see the city lights dancing off the Scioto River.

“I’m pretty sure this is larger than my apartment.” She finally slinks out of her jacket and looks over to where Jon has disappeared in the bedroom.

“You live alone?” He comes out pulling on a t-shirt and Bekah catches the gasp is her throat with the glimpse of his abs.

“Uh, yeah. Fuck. Yes. Sorry. Recently dumped.” She fiddles with her hair and looks for the closest chair before her legs give out.

“I’d say I’m sorry about the break up but I’m not.” Jon places his arms on either side of the chair Bekah just sat in flexing while leaning in. “His loss...my gain.” He presses his lips on her forehead before retreating to the couch across the sitting room. “So what do you do for a living?”

“Marketing. I’d ask you but...” Bekah giggles feeling herself relax while looking up at Jon’s serious face. “I do have some questions about your job.”

“Open book.” Jon opens his hands to a motion her to continue.

“How long have you played in the NHL? Same team? Like your captain?” The line of questions made Jon crack a smile.

“Started in 2007. Always with the Blackhawks. And his nickname is Captain Serious.” Jon pulls his lips together like he does in interviews and looks over at the gorgeous woman who seems to be processing the information.

“Captain Serious huh? Sounds fun.” Bekah crosses her legs cursing her body for the feelings pulsing throughout. “How often are you in Columbus?”

“Once a season. We only play them twice. Played them in December and then they play in Chicago in March I think.”

“Nice. Well, I think I’ve sobered up enough and you have an All-Star game tomorrow.” Bekah abruptly states and starts for the door. Jon quickly catches her hips and stops her dead in her tracks.

“What just happened there? We were talking and then your shoulders wiggled and you announced you are suddenly leaving.” Jon holds Bekah firm in his grasp. His gaze moves from her soft dark golden brown locks framing her face to her eyes which told him her actions and her desire were fighting. Lightly pushing Bekah’s loose hair behind her ear he looks deep in her eyes. She blinks trying to stay focused on her thoughts that she was leaving.

“I don’t know. My heart tells me one thing and my body is telling me another. And my mind says I should kill Rin for even taking me tonight.” Bekah looks down and notices how close their bodies are.

“Who’s Rin?” Jon pulls her body even closer.

“My best friend. Redhead I was sitting with. Her husband is the trainer, Derek.” Bekah breathes out.

“So that’s who I have to thank?” Jon runs his fingers over Bekah’s arm and across her collarbone pulling her chin up to look back at him. “I won’t make you stay but I also don’t want you to leave. No expectations is true. We also can do whatever here tonight and then you don’t have to see me again if you don’t want to.”

“One night stands aren’t my thing...well...actually I’ve never had one before but I’m assuming they aren’t.” Bekah’s admission makes Jon laugh which she feels throughout her entire body.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be a one night thing...and I’m not a one night stand person either Beks. Can I kiss you and start from there?” Jon’s thumb runs across her cheek and he feels the twitch pulsating from his briefs.

“Yes.” Bekah hardly spoke before Jon’s lips were on her’s and she deepens it as she stepped into him placing her hands in his chest clutching at his shirt. His hands coming up and holding the small of her back and the cradling her neck. She felt him growing between their bodies. Breaking for air Bekah huffs out, “How do I turn you on?” The admission was self doubt about how average looking she felt and how damn sexy he was.

“Beks, you are fucking gorgeous!” Jon kisses her again and she shakes him off. “No really. Distracting as hell when I was trying to be a captain of the team tonight. Please tell me you aren’t sitting that close tomorrow. My team needs to win this thing.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Bekah fumbles on the words before Jon’s lips were on her again.

“Yes, and I’d like to show you how gorgeous you are if you just stay.” He starts shuffling their attached bodies towards the bedroom.

“I’m not doing the walk to shame tomorrow.” She starts moving her feet with his.

“You can borrow sweats so I’m guaranteed to see you again.” With that Jon placed her body on the bed. “Now can we get rid of some of these clothes?” His finger tips run along the inside of the hem of her sweatshirt. The slight nod she gave him was enough for him to discard both of their shirts. He made his way down to his knees pulling her jeans off slowly leaving Bekah in her light blue matching bra and panties. The sight made him jump into action. “Fuck you are even more beautiful.” She bats her eyelashes at the compliment.

“You are very...very....fit.” She runs her hands down his abs and he chuckles. “Handsome. Well both. Damnit I’m bad at this. I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t and don’t be.” Jon pulls her leg up and kisses down to her knee pulling his sweats off with the other hand. Her eyes widen when she sees how stained his boxer briefs are. “See. Definitely doing something right.” He nips at the meaty part of her thigh and she flops her body on the bed. “Does that mean I can continue Beks?”

“Yes.” She places her hands over her face as Jon’s fingers pull at her panties moving them down her legs exposing her core to him. He kisses back up and lands on her clit. Bekah moans out of the relief and Jon laughs while moving his tongue to elicit more noises out of her. His fingers slide in and curl causing Bekah’s hand to fly up into his hair.

“Tell me if you don’t like something, m’kay?” He pulls up to move her legs onto his shoulders and her body further into him.

“It feels amazing. It’s just been awhile.” She admits as he continues his pumping in and out while scissoring his fingers to stretch her out.

“We’ll go as slow as you want. Promise.” He kisses her clit again and sucks causing an orgasm to rip through Bekah’s body. She moans out his name and he moves away.

“Don’t stop. Fuck. Don’t stop.” She lifts up to look down at him. Face glistening and a look of accomplishment from how quickly he was able to make her come unglued.

“So maybe not that slow.” Jon returns to licking through her folds and is stopped by Bekah’s hand tightening in his hair.

“Can you...I don’t know how to...never mind.”

“No, talk to me. Sex is better when you talk. Where to you want me?”

“Inside of me. I want you up here.” Bekah feels the heat returning to her face as she made her request. “Unless you want me to...” she eyed his briefs again as Jon stands.

“No, I definitely want to fuck you now.” He climbs onto the bed and pushes both of their bodies up the bed freeing himself of the last piece of clothing. “May I?” He pulls at the strap of her bra and Bekah arches her back to allow him to pull it off with easy. Kissing her breasts and then her lips Jon grunts. “Ready?” He leans up as she nods for him to inch into her core. Bekah’s back arches as Jon lowers himself inside. She would never admit to anyone how long it’s been since she’s had sex and it felt so good to have his weight on top of her. Bekah wraps her legs around him and Jon finds a rhythm that makes both of them moan with each thrust. Then it happened. Both reaching their highs in unison. A slew of swears mixed with praises drop out of Jon’s lips then he collapses on top of Bekah.

“Wow. How did that happen?” Bekah huffs out while her fingers run across Jon’s sweaty shoulders and across his lips.

“How did what happen?” Jon’s chest moves in and out trying to even his breathing.

“We...together...” she breathes out.

“You’ve never climaxed with someone? Together?” Jon pulls up and takes in Bekah’s blissed out yet confused look.

“I’m just gonna shut up now.” Bekah’s hand flies over her eyes.

“No. Remember, sex is better when you talk. And we aren’t done.” Jon moves her hand and flexes his abdomen sending shock waves through Bekah’s body.

“So, no.” Bekah whispers. “I’ve never orgasmed at the same time as my partner. That was amazing feeling. You are amazing.”

“You are too. Trust me. Fucking amazing.” His lips ghost her skin as he rolls off of her. “Beks, so good.”

“You are the only person who has ever called me that which is funny.” She kisses the top of his head as he rests on her chest.

“Yeah. Why is it funny?” His fingers walk down her hip.

“Because I do the same thing. Make up nicknames for people.” He laughs at her admission. “Rin for example is Brynn. I’m the only person who calls her Rin. Not even her husband calls her anything besides pet names and Brynn.” Jon feels Bekah’s body relax and he smiles.

“And do I get a nickname then?” He kisses her stomach.

“Maybe. It’s more of an organic thing. With time.”

“More time. I see. Then can you come back here tomorrow too? After the game?” He looks up at Bekah.

“Yeah I guess that would make this not a one night stand, huh?” Bekah’s lips turn up and Jon laughs loudly.

“Yeah.” He rolls her over on top of him. “Definitely not one at all.”

#what’s in a name fic #WIAN #tazer me 19 #j toews fic #jonathan toews fic #jonathan toews

124 notes · View notes

innytoes · 3 years

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Self-Insert January: Let’s Go Steal A Protégé

Yes I did write a self-insert fanfic of my own fanfic. Most of this was written in December and then um, January happened. This takes place December, probably before Christmas (and is obviously not canon).

Happy Self Insert month!

Being with Leverage, Jamie had seen a lot of weird stuff. Done a lot of weird stuff, too. But all the breaking into highly classified places and museums and pretending to be a circus performer and jumping off the Eiffel Tower did not prepare them for the magic portal that opened up in the ceiling of the Leverage Offices, or the lady that fell through it.

Luckily, their startled yell had summoned an Eliot, which meant that if this was the beginning of an intergalactic space war or some kind of mutant criminal rival of Parker’s, Team Leverage was going to come out on top.

Except Eliot actually put away his knife and greeted the lady, who struggled out of the squashy purple beanbag chair she landed on. “Hardison, Parker, Inny’s here!” he called.

“What the hell is an Inny?” Jamie asked. Was it a species of alien? Was Hardison’s Doctor Who obsession because they literally knew The Doctor? Honestly, it wouldn’t really surprise Jamie.

“I the hell am an Inny,” Ceiling-Lady said, before gasping and pointing at them. Which was concerning, to say the least.

“That’s Inny,” Hardison said, coming into the office and handing the lady one of Jamie’s Mountain Dews. Rude. “She’s from a darker timeline and drops out of the ceiling once or twice a year to catch up. And get inspiration for her fanfiction. Apparently we’re like, a TV show over there. What’s up, girl?”

“Is that why nobody is allowed to move the beanbag chair?” Jamie asked. They had thought it was some weird Parker thing. Or perhaps that it was on top of some kind of secret trap door to Hardison’s BatCave or something. They ignored the part about the fanfiction and the TV show. That was too Truman Show to think about. Though their brain was already going over actors they’d cast as the team. Eliot would totally be played by Chris Evans, right?

Inny stopped chugging the Mountain Dew long enough to shrug. “They used to live somewhere with way lower ceilings. Nearly broke something falling from this one.”

“Yeah, me,” Eliot grumbled. He nearly broke something again when Parker dropped down from the ceiling onto his back. “Dammit, Parker!”

“Inny!” Parker proclaimed. “How is Deeks?”

“Good!” the lady fished a beaten up phone out of her pocket. “He met some alpacas, wanna see?” Parker snatched up the phone and made delighted noises. Jamie peered over her shoulder. They had to admit the dog was pretty cute, and the alpacas looked very intrigued by their small, same-coloured, short-necked friend.

“How’s life in the darkest timeline?” Hardison asked.

“What date is it here?” the lady asked, looking around. “I mean, if you still know.”

“Why wouldn’t we know?” Parker asked, still swiping through dog pictures.

“Well, I mean, 2020, am I right?” Inny said, waiting for a reaction. She looked incredulous at their blank faces. “It is 2020, here, right?”

“Um, yeah?” Hardison ventured carefully.

“How dark is this timeline of yours?” Jamie asked carefully. Sure, it was a tumblr joke, usually reserved for stuff like the however-many-renewed-season of Supernatural when great shows were cancelled or whatever creepy feature FriendCzar had tried to impose that month.

The woman paused, frowned, then took a deep breath. “In response to the global pandemic of a deadly respiratory virus, President Donald Trump suggested on television during a briefing that people should inject or ingest bleach to kill the virus.” She took another big breath. “And that’s not mentioning the fact that he downplayed the seriousness of the virus while knowing how deadly and contagious it was, called it a hoax, made taking safety precautions a political thing instead of a public safety thing, and held massive super-spreader events.”

“Donald Trump?” Jamie asked. “The ‘you’re fired’ dude?”

“Oh my sweet summer child,” Inny responded, before taking another swig of her Mountain Dew. “Yeah, I mean, I thought the fact that Australia was on fire at the start of the year was going to be the only terrible thing I was going to tell you.” She laughed and shook her head ruefully, like that was some kind of funny joke.

“Australia was on fire?”

“Yeah. Parts of the US too, for a while. Orange skies. But since the country was basically on lockdown anyway, it wasn’t like it was very different to stay inside for that…” Jamie stared at the lady, then back at the adults. Parker didn’t look overly concerned, but then, she never really did. Eliot and Hardison were both frowning, though. There was no sign that this was some kind of elaborate prank Hardison was pulling on them with the help of one of Sophie’s acting friends. Besides, he was good, but not ‘fake opening a magic portal in the ceiling’ good. At least not within the five minutes Jamie had been in the other room.

After a litany of horrible things, which were apparently not even all of them, the woman stopped. “On the upside,” she said. “I perfected my banana bread recipe, Deeks met some alpacas, Leverage is getting a reboot, and I figured out why I probably keep dropping in here.”

“To remind us that things aren’t so bad like some messed up version of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’?” Hardison guessed.

“Because Jamie is my OC,” she said, dropping a fucking bombshell like she just dropped out of the fucking ceiling. Jamie felt their brain fill with static, because no, they were a real person, and that either meant that this lady was full of bullshit, or, well, basically god. The Truman Show feeling returned ten times over. “This is my fanfic.”

Hardison recoiled a little. “No,” he whispered, fully understanding the implications of that. Hell, it was probably even weirder for him. Sure, knowing they were a TV show was probably cool, even more so with the reboot. But Fanfic Land didn’t fade to black and Jamie was pretty damn sure some kinky shit went on behind the soundproofed doors of their bedroom.

“Now, there’s two prevailing theories about this, as far as my internet rabbithole searches can tell,” Basically God Maybe continued. “Either I wrote this world into existence, because the multiverse is ever expanding and that is one of the ways it expands, or I just got some vibes from whatever crack between worlds keeps bringing me here and wrote down your shenanigans.”

At Parker and Eliot’s blank looks, Jamie clarified: “Basically, she’s either God or…”

“Some kind of shitty false prophet,” the lady on the beanbag chair beamed. “Probably the second one, honestly. My subconscious turns everything into a zombie apocalypse sooner or later, and you guys seem to be fine.”

Jamie whipped around to look at Hardison and Eliot, hopeful. “We’re fine, right?” they asked quickly. If anyone knew about a starting zombie apocalypse, it would be those two. Between Hardison poking around in basically every intelligence agency’s server ever and Eliot’s contacts, they’d know. God, Jamie hoped not. They were so not ready for a zombie apocalypse. Eliot hadn’t even taught them how to murder someone with an axe yet.

“We are definitely fine,” Hardison assured them.

“Yeah, I figured,” Not-God agreed. “If I had my say, Eliot would have stopped pining long before he did and kissed you guys.” Eliot grumbled and glared, probably because she was right. Parker patted him condescendingly on the head, which wasn’t helping matters.

The ceiling started crackling and glowing ominously. The lady put her can down as she slowly drifted off the beanbag, alien-abduction style. “Well, it’s been real. Be good, guys. Have some fun adventures. Ruin some rich douchebag’s day for me.”

“Will do,” Parker promised. “Say hi to your dog for me.” She got a thumbs up.

“Let us know how the reboot turns out,” Hardison said. Jamie figured it would probably fuck with the space-time continuum if she downloaded the show and brought it to them, but who knew. Maybe there was some kind of loophole for that, too. They were kind of curious to see what a Leverage show would look like. It probably had kickass fight-scenes.

“Stay safe,” Eliot said seriously. He’d been the most concerned about the talk of the pandemic, probably because you couldn’t punch it.

“Will do,” Inny shrugged. “I mean, 2021 can’t possibly be any worse, right?”

The portal crackled louder, which Jamie hoped wasn’t a sign. The lady was almost at the ceiling. She looked concerned, like she realised she just totally jinxed herself and the new year.

“Hey, just in case you are god,” Jamie called up. “Can you give me superpowers?”

The portal closed to the sound of laughter, and then there was silence. All that remained was a dent in the beanbag and an empty can of Mountain Dew.

“What the fuck,” they told the room at large.

“Yeah, you get used to it,” Parker said, before wandering off back to the blueprints she had been studying.

“I’m just gonna… check some things,” Hardison muttered, making a detour to the kitchen to grab a ginormous bottle of orange soda before getting behind his computer. “And buy a bunch of disinfectant and toilet paper, just in case.”

Eliot rolled his eyes, before bumping his shoulder against Jamie’s. “Come on,” he said.

“Come on where?” Jamie asked. “I’m having a bit of an existential crisis here.” If they were someone’s OC, did that mean that they didn’t have free will? Did it mean that all the cool things they had done the past year had only been because of some weird lady that fell out of the ceiling? Or did it mean-

“I’m gonna teach you to throw a knife so you can take out a zombie,” Eliot said.

Fuck that, the existential crisis could wait until 2am. They had more important things to do. Knife throwing would be fun and useful no matter if there was a zombie apocalypse or a pandemic, or they got superpowers.

#fanfic #self insert month #I wrote a thing #leverage #lets go steal a protege #HardisonxParkerxEliot #I almost didn't post this because of you know the civil war thing in the US #but then I thought wouldn't it be funny if this was pre-january and self insert Inny was just like: well fuck #dear americans I'm sorry #yes Deeks did meet some alpacas it was adorable

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pergaias · 3 years

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aron & aaron?

here you go, anon! idk if this is considered fluff, but it’s definitely not angst lmfao

“I miss you,” Aron said into the phone, wrapping a blanket more firmly around her shoulders. “It’s cold here—really cold. Ummm what else—my socks have holes in them and there’s no one else I can complain to.”

Aaron’s voice was warm and teasing, his accent more prominent now that he was back home for the holidays. “Ru, you can complain to anyone about anything. And I miss you too, you know that.”

Aron sighed dramatically into the receiver, making a face at Luna when she popped her head out of her bedroom door to gag. “It’s a gift.” she said sadly, wiggling her toes. There was a huge hole in the heel of one that Aron had clumsily patched with a piece of another shredded sock.

Aaron was humming a song—some nameless generic Christmas carol—and Aron could hear him clattering around in a kitchen, perhaps. It was around dinnertime in his timezone.

Snow was lazily falling and banking against the house’s eaves. Ty and Tate were snuggled next to Aron on the couch, and Aron’s chapped fingers were gently stroking Ty’s silky ears. She was—for the first time in a while—content.

“Did you get the postcard I sent you?” half of a smile played across Aron’s face as she petted Ty’s head and tucked her feet under the blanket and scrunched her nose at Tate, who was chewing on a loose piece of yarn that had unraveled from the sleeve of Aron’s sweater.

“Ahh yes,” Aron could hear Aaron’s smile, “Wish you were here but not really but wait actually I do, xx Your-Name-But-One-Less-A.”

Aron laughed. “Hearing you say X-X is very strange, to say the least.”

“X-O baby,” Aaron teased. Yes, he was definitely clattering around a kitchen—Aron could hear pots clanking against each other and the faint sound of something simmering.

Aron groaned. Aaron laughed. They both sat in comfortable silence, and Aron imagined what Aaron might be doing. Maybe he was wearing sweatpants, and was barefoot in his kitchen cooking something for a family dinner. She could picture his brown hair, messy like it was when he didn’t bother to style it. She could picture his wry, crooked smile, and if she focused hard, she could pretend that he was sitting there next to him.

You didn’t realize the space someone took up until there was a hole in their place—the holiday season was a time to be spent with people that you loved. Aron had her parents and her siblings, and of course the three Milans—Mara with their ferocious sense of right and wrong, Maia and the gravity she had about her, Maven and his outstretched arms, kinder than his sisters but just as stalwart.

And then there was Aaron and the place he had started to fill—the person he had become. Her friend, her secret, and now her . . . what could she even call him that summed it up? Boyfriend, lover, soulmate?

No, her soulmate was Maia. You didn’t have to love someone romantically to be the other half of them in that way—Aaron was the other half of her that she didn’t know was missing. He smoothed out her jagged edges, brought calm to her chaos, peace to her storm.

The line crackled. “You still there, Ru?”

“I’m here, Swift.”

“I miss you,” Aaron’s voice was low, wistful. “I wish you were here, meeting my sister and my parents and my cousins.”

Aron smiled, heat creeping into her cheeks. It was such a strange feeling, to be wanted. It was the kind of wanting that wound Aron’s heart into a spring, waiting, waiting, waiting to burst.

“I wish you were sitting next to me and I could put my head on your shoulder and complain about my busted socks.” Aron managed a wry smile, combing her fingers through her newly-cropped hair. She lifted a finger to her lips and tore at the callused skin of her fingertips, letting the silence of the call wash over her. It was a good kind of quiet, the quiet that came when two people understood each other.

“When I come back we’ll drive to the coast,” Aaron said suddenly, and there was a clattering of cookware. “We’ll take your car.”

Aron rolled her eyes and drew her finger across her throat at Luna, who had put a pillowcase secured by a headband on her head and was dramatically walking down the hall, a bunch of fake flowers in her hand like a bridal bouquet.

“There’s an unfortunately high chance of the Beetle breaking down halfway to the coast,” Aron smirked good-naturedly. “And why the coast? It’s the middle of December, and it’ll be bitter January when you get back.”

The words were a punch to the gut. Two more weeks of phone calls and sporadic FaceTimes, with Aaron usually cutting short because his mom needed him or Aron’s siblings barging in and demanding her attention.

“True,” Aaron mused. “Hmmm . . . we can drive up to Tahoe and go skiing.”

“Neither of us know how to ski, and you don’t know how to snowboard,” Aron said amusedly, her fingers tracing the waves in Ty’s soft fur. Tate had stopped chewing on her sweater and had started dozing against Aron’s thigh.

Aaron laughed. “You could teach me with your wonderful, patient teaching skills.”

“That’s just mean,” Aron whined, her mouth curling into a smile against her will. “I’m not patient by nature and you know that.”

“Am I pushing it saying ‘I’m the only person who can tease you like this and not get brutally murdered in my sleep’?”

Aron smiled again, wider. “Possibly.”

More clattering of pots and pans from Aaron’s side of the line. Tate yawned contentedly, her little pink tongue stretching out. Outside, Hadley was almost completely dusted in snow, softening the little town’s hard edges and severe lines.

In Aron’s hand, her phone started shrilling out her ringtone for Maia Milan. “Crap, Swift, hate to cut this short but—Maisey’s calling.”

She heard the mild surprise in his voice, startling a particularly Southern-accented sentence out of him. “Of course, Ru, I’ll call you back later?”

That thought brought a smile to her face. “FaceTime me tonight?” she asked, almost shyly. She combed her fingers through her hair in the heartbeats between her question and Aaron’s reply. “Sounds good. I’ll be up later.” she could hear his smile, and her chest felt strangely warm.

“Merry Christmas, Aron,” Aaron said, bashfully, and hearing her name—not just Aaron’s pet name Ru—felt strangely intimate.

Aron mustered a smile, ducking her head. “Merry Christmas, Aaron. I miss you.”

She swore she heard his light chuckle before the line clicked silent, and Aron flopped back onto the couch and let her heart pound for a second. She felt—she felt—

Her phone rang again, and this time Aron picked up. “Hey, Maisey!” she couldn’t help it. A grin slowly overtook her face, one that not even the sourest of Aron’s moods could have dampened.

“You’re sounding chipper,” Maia’s British-accented voice, melodic and silvery, floated from her speaker. “What’s up?”

“Why did you call? You first,” Aron insisted, crossing her legs and patting her lap, looking pointedly at the two black-and-white dogs. Ty wagged his tail and stumbled onto Aron’s lap, promptly falling asleep.

Maia laughed into the receiver. “I just wanted to say hello, Ronnie. Also, Leora and I just came back from an impromptu date and—” Maia dissolved into giddy laughter. “I’m gay panicking so badly, I should do this with my sister. Anyways—enough about me, what have you been—”

“Aaron and I were calling,” Aron said softly, propping her elbow on her leg and resting her chin on her hand. “I—I really like him, Maisey. I really do.”

“Oh, bloody hell,” Maia groaned. “Don’t tell me that I cut your talk on the telly short—”

Aron waved it off. “It’s fine, it’s fine, we were talking for ages before and he was already cooking dinner.”

Maia laughed into the receiver again, but it wasn’t the giddy lovestruck laughter of earlier. It was full-blown cackling, and Aron knew enough about her friend to know that she was probably swaying back and forth. “You really like him? Darling, good job, you’re officially the last person to know.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Aron rolled her eyes, but then glanced around to make sure Elliott wouldn’t pop up out of nowhere and scream QUACK in her face.

“But—do you—” Maia’s voice lowered conspiratorially, and Aron had the vague sense that the two of them were at a sleepover and Maia was trying to coax Aron’s deepest secrets out of her at 3am. “Do you feel forever about him?”

“Maia Milan, I’m seventeen.”

Maia clicked her tongue. “Ahh yes, you don’t know anything.”

Aron snorted. “But I know I miss him.”

“You two are so in love it hurts,” Maia sighed. “I’m glad you’re happy, Ronnie, I really am.”

There was a tiny bitter note in her voice, but it was quickly covered. “I love that you love him. I—you two have something that a lot of people would be lucky to find.”

“We’re seventeen,” Aron said again, laughing. But something was in her chest, almost like a string tied around her heart. It was easy to imagine an invisible string connecting her and Aaron. “And what about you and Leora? Every time I see you two together I want to gag.”

“The feeling’s mutual, love,” Maia deadpanned. But she sighed wistfully, and there was an oomph from the phone, like Maia had fallen backwards onto a pile of pillows. She did that a lot.

“Anyways,” Aron’s throat was tired, from talking for so long. “I should probably make tea or something, it’s getting really cold.”

“Get your pyromaniac sister to start a fire or something,” Maia advised. “She started one here this morning when Mavey called her over—it’s still burning, bright as new love—”

Aron squinted suspiciously at her phone. “Am I picking up what you’re putting down?”

“I put down nothing at all, Aron Rucyznski.” Maia lied unconvincingly, Aron’s last name newer and prettier in her accent. Rucyznski. All the hard sounds smoothed by her voice, like stones in a river.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Love you,” Maia air kissed the receiver and it clicked dead.

Aron stared out the window, at the snow slowly falling into soft white heaps against dead grass and concrete and asphalt and roofing tiles. She felt content. It was such a strange feeling, to not be wound up as a kid’s toy or so stressed that she felt like breaking down on her bathroom floor every few minutes.

She smiled.

#answered #anon #cece writes #wip: aron not aphrodite #aron not aphrodite #non-canon oneshot #c. aron rucyznski #c. aaron taylor #c. maia milan #ship: taycyznski

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believingispowerfulmagic · 3 years

Text

The Christmas Cottage II: A Magical Christmas (Part I - The Proposal)

A/N: Here's a sequel to my Advent story last year – The Christmas Cottage. I hope to have the rest up before the end of the year (all seven days of them) so we'll see how it goes!

I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and that you get everything you wanted and then some.

-Mac

Christmas music played through the conference room as their small staff enjoyed a buffet set up on the tables pushed against the walls. They milled about the room, chatting happily as they celebrated the holiday season together. Some wore silly sweaters while others had chosen to don silly hats to enhance the festive mood that filled the space. Happiness swelled inside Regina as she sipped at her eggnog, pleased that the party was going so well.

"Hey," Robin said, coming to stand next to her. "Do you want to make our speech now? It's getting late and everyone will want to head home soon."

She glanced at the windows and was surprised to see how dark it had gotten. With the first day of winter so close, she knew it didn't mean it was late but it was almost time to get home. Regina was looking forward to getting home to the cozy cottage she and Robin shared, changing into comfortable clothes and curling next to the fire with him.

"That sounds like a good idea," she said, lowering the music as Robin called for everyone's attention.

As their staff quieted down and turned to face them, Robin wrapped his arm around Regina and held her close. "On behalf of Regina and myself, we want to thank you for all the hard work you've done. We know it's not easy getting a new foundation off the ground and that we wouldn't be as far as we are without all of you. So thank you."

They all applauded, cheering Robin and Regina. When they quieted again, Regina continued. "We know that this is the last day we all will be together until after the New Year as most of you are taking some much deserved time off to enjoy the holidays with your families and friends. So we want to wish you a happy holidays and a happy New Year. Rest up, celebrate with your loved ones and we'll all be ready to hit the ground running in January."

"But before you do that, a toast to all of you and all the good work we've done and all the good work we will do," Robin said, raising his cup.

Regina raised hers as well. "And may you all have a joyful holiday season and a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year."

"Cheers," he finished. Everyone echoed it and they all tapped cups before finishing their drinks.

They all cleaned up together and soon the office closed for the weekend. Robin and Regina climbed into his car, waiting for it to warm up as she continued to buzz from the party. "That went well," she said.

"It did," he agreed. "I'm glad they all had fun. They deserved it."

"We would not be where we are with them," she replied, nodding.

As heat filled the car, Robin pulled out of their spot and turned onto the road to head home. She leaned back, smiling. "I can't believe we actually pulled it off. That we went from talking about it in Granny's kitchen to actually having our own foundation within a year."

"It's mostly because of you," he said. "You took the ball and ran with it. We wouldn't be where we are without your hard work and dedication."

"Don't sell yourself short. You've been a great leader. Everyone's rallied around you," she told him. Robin had managed to gain the respect of the community in a short amount of time and worked hard to build relationships with the agencies they would need to partner with the most. He had a natural charm and charisma that drew people in and the passion he held for their work kept them close.

He reached out and took her hand. "We're a great team."

She nodded, giving his hand a squeeze. "We are."

Robin pulled his hand back as he turned onto their street. Several houses lined both sides of the street, all of them decorated for Christmas. The street was lit up in multicolored lights and drivers were greeted by a myriad of holiday figures from Frosty the Snowman to Santa Claus himself. It bolstered Regina's spirit and she smiled as she admired each display yet again.

"We're home," he announced, pulling into their driveway. Regina's spirits soared even more and she smiled at the house they had called theirs for almost a year.

After years of not being able to decorate in New York, she had gone all out in decorating their house this year. She and Robin hung up many strands of lights along the porch as well in the windows and around the evergreen trees on their property. They also put out different lawn decorations, mostly reindeer, while Robin had managed to get a light-up Santa's sleigh on their roof. Illuminated candy canes lined their front walk, completing the Christmas look outside.

"Admiring our handiwork yet again?" Robin asked teasingly as he turned off the car.

She nodded, unbuckling herself. "I just love it. It's so good to see it, especially after what I used to let pass as decorating for Christmas back in New York."

He reached over and cupped her cheek. "I told you - don't live with your regrets. You're taking the time to enjoy life now so do that."

"Right," she said, leaning over the center console to give him a quick kiss. "Let's head inside."

They climbed out of the car and entered their house through the side door located in the kitchen. Regina flipped on the lights before crossing to the foyer, setting her bag down and taking off her coat. She shivered from the chill in the air and looked at Robin. "Can you check the thermostat?"

"Looking now but we are home earlier than usual," he reminded her. "I don't think it's set to turn on just yet."

"Can you override it?" she asked, rubbing her arms.

He nodded, pressing some buttons before closing the lid. "It should kick on in a few minutes. And I'll light a fire too."

"Sounds good," she said, kissing his cheek as she walked past him. "I'm heading up to change."

"I'll be right behind you," he replied, taking off his own coat.

Regina changed into an oversized sweater and comfy pants, washing the makeup off her face as Robin also dressed in comfortable clothes. They soon lay on the couch, the fire crackling in their fireplace while they wrapped themselves up in a blanket. Mugs of hot chocolate sat on their coffee table and Robin put on a Christmas movie for them to watch.

She curled around him, resting her head on his chest. Next to the TV was their Christmas tree and it also was a step up from the one she had shared with Daniel. Robin and Regina had gone to the tree farm at the start of December and picked out their first tree together. Once they had gotten it home, they decorated it with items they had purchased the day before as well as family ornaments recovered from Leo's attic and Granny's attic. It was the tree she had always wanted and now could finally have.

"Are you watching the movie or the tree?" Robin asked her, combing his fingers through her hair.

"Both," she replied. "You?"

He kissed her forehead. "I'm mostly watching you. You have this small but beautiful smile every time you look at the tree."

"I'm just so glad to have it," she said. "It's my first real Christmas tree in a long time."

"Mine too," he replied. She glanced up at him and he shrugged. "Kinda hard to fit a full-length Christmas tree in a tent. We often had to make do with whatever we could get. One year, we placed a bow on a rock and called it a tree."

She frowned, picturing it in her mind. "That sounds a bit sad."

He shrugged. "We made the most of it and had a happy Christmas. I guess it's all how you look at it and how you approach it. I mean, if we had to have a small tree this year, would you have been disappointed?"

"Probably not," she admitted. "Just as long as we were truly celebrating and not just momentarily slowing down long enough to exchange presents like Daniel and I did."

"Christmas is definitely a state of mind," he replied, smiling before hugging her closer to him.

She cuddled against him. "Yes, it is. And I'm glad I found it again."

"Me too," he replied, resting his cheek against her hair. They laid there, wrapped around each other as they continued to watch Christmas movies.

Regina couldn't think of a better way to spend a Friday night.

Continue reading on FFN, AO3 or Wattpad

#once upon a time #outlaw queen #oq au #oq ff #oq advent #the christmas cottage

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woah-were-halfway-there · 4 years

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What was it like when the two first hooked up. Like how did it progress to that? We’re they like a couple for a few years before they had Mia? Was it two years? Or four?

Ok so this is a really poorly written out timeline lol but hopefully it helps enough 🤣

October 2016: they met for the first time after she went to watch Mitch play in his first NHL game but it was literally just that, they met

Halloween 2016: they ran into each other at a bar, recognized one another, talked and then as she was getting ready to leave y/n mentioned how she was getting brunch with Mitch the next day and invited Auston to join and exchanged numbers. He went, and the three had a really great time

Beginning of November to end of December 2016: they began talking all the time, hung out and did lots together. They became very good friends in this time and it was completely platonic until it wasn’t. He even met Nate and her dad and everything, as a friend (and they were very much so catching feelings for each other but were too nervous/stubborn to do anything about it

December 30th 2016: the whole thing that went down with Chris at the bar on Lexie’s birthday happened. Y/n was v drunk and stayed at Auston’s place. They had a heart to heart *almost* kissed but didn’t

December 31st 2016: y/n wakes up full of regret, is upset about Chris, remembers the heart to heart with Auston (and the almost kiss) but is embarrassed and tries to get tf out of there but Auston is a sweet boi and made her breakfast and had Advil and water ready for her when she woke up so she didn’t have it in her to just dip. So, they talked. She stole some of his sweats and ended up staying with him well into the afternoon until he had to break it to her that his family had just gotten to the city and he had to go see them. Which she was fine with, she went to leave and he asked if she’d go to the centennial classic the following day. She said “yeah, me and Steph are going cause mitch and all” and then he said “no, I mean will you go to the classic as one of my plus ones?” Cause he wanted her to be there for him, cheering him on and she was shook, but said yes before leaving and going home for the night

January 1st 2017: she goes to the game, meets up with Steph and a couple of the girlfriends of the team that she’d gotten to know a little bit from always going to games and just being Mitchys “twin” Steph then handed y/n a bag and told her that she was asked to give that to her and in it was a Matthews jersey. Obviously y/n was surprised but also 🥺 so she put it on, they watched the game, Auston won in overtime. Then after the game when she finally got to talk with him, they were so freaking cute and awkward cause they were both feeling all types of ways especially Auston after seeing that she actually wore his jersey (much to mitch’s dismay) and then he officially introduced her to his family, who had all heard lots about her from Auston. It was very sweet, Ema then invited her to join them for dinner and she didn’t want mitch or steph to think she was bailing on them but they told her to go so she did and had a lot of fun. Then that night after they all had gone back to Auston’s condo, his family soon left and almost as soon as they were out the door Auston had y/n pressed against the wall and they were making out. She stayed the night that night.

January 22nd 2017: the two get into a fight. They’ve spent the entire month basically hooking up, spending all of their free time together and seemingly dating to anyone who didn’t know them. They were crazy about each other but then when y/n hinted that yeah, she would maybe like to try an actual relationship out with him, he froze up and made a comment basically saying that he thought what they had going was good (because he’s a stupid boy) and y/n said “I’m not going to be your fuck buddy, Auston. If you don’t want a relationship that’s fine. But I’m not doing just this especially with how I’ve completly fallen for you. I can’t be strung along, not after what happened with Chris. So, if you don’t want whatever this is going on between us to happen then please let me know and I’ll leave you alone.” And she left, pretty heartbroken because she was feeling that all she was good for to him was sex

January 28th 2017: he texts her in the middle of the night after not speaking all week to go skating with him. They go to the rink at harbourfront, which is empty cause it’s so late. They talk, skate, have competitive one on one matches cause Auston brought hockey gear. Then he, out of nowhere, asks her to be his girlfriend and how he’s wanting to give the idea of them as a couple, a shot

February 12th 2017: they’re officially official, everyone knows. Mitch has already sassed them. And she is his date to the centennial gala where they are pictured together as a couple and everything

Off-season 2017: Auston goes back to Scottsdale, y/n stays in Toronto and they do long distance but she does go to Arizona to visit him for two weeks. She meets his friends, really bonds with his family, then goes back to Toronto and he flys back too a couple of weeks later just before summer ends

2017/2018 season: not much happens, they’re very much so together and are just your typical couple. Y/n is in third year at university, spends a lot of time with her boyfriend at his place, but he goes to y/n and Lexie’s place a lot even though it’s not as nice as his condo downtown. Nate moved to Montreal for university after graduating high school that June, y/n’s dad moves to BC

Off-season 2018: y/n again stays in Toronto but does classes online so she can finish her degree a semester early. Auston is in Scottsdale again, but she does go stay with him for a couple of weeks again and brings him to BC with her and Nate to visit her dad and Mya

2018/2019 season: again, just typical domestic relationship stuff. Y/n finishes university early, works full time at her retail job she had throughout university so she can save up some money because she wasn’t renewing the lease at hers and Lexie’s place since Lexie was moving come September (2019) and she needed to figure something out. Y/n graduated from her program in the spring. Auston, her family (including mitch and Steph), and Auston’s family were there to cheer her on

Off season 2019: y/n works in Toronto, gets hired by an office in her field and is set to start her “adult” job in September. She goes to Scottsdale for a month this time, from mid July to mid August to be with Auston. He’s decided he wants to ask her to move in with him but is a chicken and fucks it up. They fight and she almost goes home but all ends well and she agrees to move in with him

September 2019: y/n starts her job and news of Auston’s charge from when he was in AZ comes to light. Y/n didn’t know about it, was livid and hurt that he didn’t tell her something like that. It was almost a month of them living together, they got into probably their worst fight ever and she stayed at mitch and Steph’s for a few days (it took a bit but they worked it out)

2019-2020 season and 2020 offseason: the events that happen in “Good Life” (keep in mind I wrote that before covid, so that doesn’t exist in this universe)

December 2020: Auston proposes (like in Good Life) and Frank is introduced

End of June 2021: they find out y/n is pregnant

Rest of 2021 and into 2022: the events of “Along For The Ride” part 1 and eventually 2

January 25th 2022: Mia is born

July 30th 2022: they get married

September 2022: they move into their house and out of the condo

Rest of 2022 into 2023: there’s a couple of pieces I wrote like Mia’s 1st Christmas and “Island In The Sun”

Late November 2023: they find out about baby number two, which is where we are right now in the story

Hope this helped! ☺️ sorry it’s a freaking mess though

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ladylillianrose · 4 years

Text

Seasons of Love a Max Richman/Zoey Clarke Fanfiction

A/N: Well guys we are almost at the end of this journey! Thank you all for reading and for all your comments! I can’t believe it’s almost over!

Per usual a big thank you to aubreyrichman for her edits!

As always the characters are not mine but belong to the amazing genius that is Austin Winsberg.

Summary: Christmas with the Clarke family

This month’s song is “What Are You Doing New Years Eve” by Nancy Wilson (Listen to it here https://youtu.be/uUK_P88g4Kg)

December 25 Christmas Day

November 26 Thanksgiving

October 31 Halloween

September 23 Max’s Birthday

August 12 Perseids Meteor Shower

July 4 Independence Day

June 21 Father’s Day

May 10 Mother’s Day

April 12 Easter

March 17 St. Patrick’s Day

February 14 Valentine’s Day

December 31-January 1 New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day

December was always a flurry of activity in the Clarke household. Maggie outdid herself with the decorations as she did every year, making the house look like it came straight out of a holiday catalog. Zoey and Max were over almost everyday helping out with the decorating, baking, shopping and wrapping presents.

The week before Christmas, they had celebrated the last night of Hanukkah together as a family. The celebration had been Maggie’s idea after Max's first Christmas with them. Max insisted she didn't need to go out of her way for him, that he was more than happy to be a part of their Christmas traditions. But Maggie was stubborn, so the next year Max had found himself in the kitchen teaching her how to make latkes and his grandmother's kugel recipe. It touched Max how much both Maggie and Mitch had done to make him feel like a part of the family.

“Merry Christmas!” Zoey and Max shouted as they walked through the door, arms laden with gifts.

Maggie came over and hugged both of them, helping them place their gifts under the tree.

Peter eagerly began crawling his way towards the presents and the tree.

“Oh no you don’t sir,” David said as he scooped him up. “Last night he kept trying to get to the milk and cookies we left out. And now that those are gone, it’s all about the shiny lights and ornaments on the tree!” David explained, hugging Max and Zoey.

Emily joined them from the kitchen, “It’s his first Christmas honey.” She took Peter from his arms, “He’s just very excited.”

Zoey grinned at Peter, “Of course he’s excited, Auntie Zoey and Uncle Max brought all sorts of fun presents just for him!”

David shook his head at her, “I thought we said we weren’t going to go crazy with presents this year….”

“You said that, I said that I do what I want,” Zoey shrugged at him.

David looked at Max who held up his hands in defense, “Don’t look at me, man. I just do what she tells me, you know how determined she gets.”

Zoey laughed, “Oh, cause you weren’t the one insisting we get all of those baby science board books for him?”

Max feigned ignorance, “Nope, I have no idea how we ended up with the complete set of those.”

David shook his head smiling as he watched the two of them bantering. He was relieved that Zoey had finally found her happiness, she and Max were perfect for one another.

"Come on, let's get started!" Zoey said eagerly, dragging Max over to the sofa.

Max shook his head fondly at her eagerness, she was just as excited as Peter.

Zoey waited until everyone was seated to start passing out the gifts. Soon, everyone had a nice simple pile, though Peter's was three times the size of everyone else's.

Peter stared up at his pile wide eyed, as he began playing with the shiny ribbons hanging off them.

Zoey glanced knowingly at Maggie.. "What? I'm Grandma, it's my job to spoil my grandson!" She defended herself.

They all took turns opening their presents, giving Peter a chance to play with his favorite present ….the wrapping paper and ribbons.

Zoey looked around the room, noticing that everyone else seemed to be done opening their gifts, apart from her and Max.

"So, who's next?" She asked.

Max nudged a small box into her hands. "You are, sweetheart."

Zoey looked at the tag, "You are my sun, my moon and all my stars. Love Always, Max."

She smiled at him as she unwrapped the gift, to reveal a small box that could only contain jewelry. She opened the box and gasped, inside was an exquisite white opal necklace. The stone was set in a circle surrounded by smaller stones that may or may not be diamonds.

Max took it from her hands as she lifted her hair so he could help her put it on. He dropped a kiss on her neck, "I wanted to give you the moon, but since that would cause all sorts of tide and gravitational issues, so I went with the next best thing."

Zoey glanced down at the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever owned. She turned, throwing her arms around Max and kissing him.

She pulled back her forehead resting on his, tears in her eyes. "I love it, I love you, it's perfect," she breathed.

Max grinned at her, dazed from her kiss. Zoey couldn't resist, she grabbed one of the stray bows and stuck it to Max's head. She saw out of the corner of her eye, Maggie sneakily taking pictures of them.

Max made a face at her, before taking the bow and sticking it to her head. He leaned over and kissed her again, "Best Christmas gift ever."

Zoey blushed as she felt the eyes of her family on them.

"Your turn!" She said thrusting a large rectangular gift into Max's hands.

"For the man whose songs hold my whole heart. Love, Zoey."

Max peeled off the paper to reveal an album, "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles), by The Proclaimers?" Max looked confused.

Zoey smiled at him, "You sang me this song the night of Simon's engagement party," she began.

"I sang this to you?" Max interrupted, looking surprised.

Zoey nodded, "I could tell that you meant every word of it as you sang to me. That’s when I knew, when I realized that I loved you too. So, since then I've thought of it as our song."

Max pulled her to him, kissing her gently. "It's perfect. It will always be our song, whether I sing it out loud to you or not."

David and Emily looked confused at the exchange. "Max sings to you?" David asked.

Zoey blushed, "Umm yeah. He's big on singing to me, sometimes he plays piano too."

Max grinned, "What can I say, she just makes me feel like singing all the time."

David made a gagging motion, as Emily rolled her eyes at her husband. "Well, I think that's so sweet! You guys have your own special song. I wonder what ours would be," she said turning to David.

Zoey turned even redder and hid her face in Max's chest.

He leaned down and asked, "I take it they have a song?"

"You do not want to know…" Zoey mumbled trying to forget the last time she had heard Emily sing and the awkward conversation she had with her brother after.

Max chuckled, dropping a kiss on her head.

Once all the gifts were open they set to cleaning up the living room from all the discarded paper. Maggie turned on the stereo as she headed to the kitchen to begin preparing Christmas brunch.

Once the floor was clear of debris, Max offered his hand to Zoey. "May I have this dance?" Zoey smiled accepting his hand and being pulled into his arms.

The music played as they danced. Max began to sing along for her.

Maybe it's much

Too early in the game

Aah, but I thought

I'd ask you just the same

What are you doing New Year's

New Year's eve?

David chuckled, hearing Max. "I assume we are all doing the same thing we do every New Year's Eve."

Zoey shook her head, making a rude gesture at David. She sighed contentedly and continued listening to Max as he sang.

Wonder whose arms

Will hold you good and tight

When it's exactly

Twelve o'clock that night

Welcoming in the New Year

New Year's eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose

I'd ever be the one you chose

Out of a thousand invitations

You received

Aah, but in case

I stand one little chance

Here comes

The jackpot question in advance

What are you doing, New Year's?

New Year's Eve?

"I'm spending New Year's Eve with you, of course. There's no one's arms I'd rather be in," Zoey said honestly.

Max leaned down and kissed her softly. He had plans for New Year's Eve, and it couldn't come soon enough.

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faneliacosplay · 5 years

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Top 10 of 2018

C2018 was a year is this nicest way I can sum it up. My precious fur-baby passed away after fighting a horrible illness and is in a happier place, my health went crazy (still is as of writing), and I finally broke free from an abusive toxic person who had been controlling me for a huge chunk of my life. Despite the bad things that happened, I want to focus on the good things of 2018. One of things I began doing in January of 2018 was at the end of every week, I would write down all of the good things that happened to me, be it sewing, watched a good movie, spending time with a friend, etc. So without further ado, here’s my Top 10 of 2018! (I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S ALREADY MARCH!!)

1. The Ancient Magus’ Bride

- I’ve been a lifelong fan of Beauty and the Beast-like stories ever since I watched the classic Disney film. The manga kept popping up in my recommendations for the majority of 2017 and I remember seeing a poster at my local theater for a premiere showing of the first 3 episodes of the then-upcoming anime (I have since regretted not going to this showing). I finally caved and bought the first two volumes of the manga and literally went back to the store two days later and bought the next 2 volumes. I’ve always been a very picky person with my romance be it movie, novel, anime, manga, etc., but this quickly became one of my favorites with it’s excellent world-building, relationships, and don’t even get me started on how gorgeous the animation is! If you want an excellent Beauty & the Beast adaptation, you won’t be disappointed. (I am unashamed of crying happy tears in public while watching the final episode)

2. Satoshi Kon’s Filmography

- My New Year’s resolution was to watch all of the late Satoshi Kon’s works, starting with his debut film Perfect Blue. I had wanted to watch this film for several years, and it did not disappoint. (I kept spamming for people to go and see it when it got a theatrical re-release in Fall 2018) Next was Kon’s final project Paprika, which I watched about 3 times in May and many times over 2018 and still notice something new every time I watch it. Finally, I watched *the* film that I have wanted to watch for many, many years (since 2004 to be exact): Millennium Actress. I was not prepared for how moving this film would be with its themes of the past vs. present, how an ordinary encounter can lead to something so much more, and lastly: love transcends time. If you could only watch one of Satoshi Kon’s works, please choose to watch Millennium Actress. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to watch Kon’s other two works, but I aim to in 2019 (along with reading his works)

3. Slayers

- I watched some of Slayers back in middle school and in summer 2016, but never took off with it until in 2018. I knew I would like this funny series about the adventures of a fiery sorceress, dumb as a stump swordsman, optimistic hero-in-training, and an overly-serious chimera, but I had no idea it would become one of my top 10 favorite anime series! I haven’t laughed so much with an anime in a while, and I greatly appreciated it since my fur-baby passed away and this was one of the last anime we watched together. There’s just something about 90s fantasy anime that’s just so appealing. I will throw in that while I love the tv series, the films are worth watching too, with The Motion Picture being my favorite. If you need something to cheer you up, I highly recommend Slayers!

4. Venom

- Confession: I did not have high hopes for this movie. I was the only one among my friends who was uninterested in this film whenever we would watch the trailers/promos/etc. Eventually after this movie came out, my friends and best friend convinced me to see it. My sociology buddy told me “This movie wasn’t marketed right! Go see it!!” and another told me “This is the best action rom-com of 2018.” The next day my family asked me if I wanted to see it and Bohemian Rhapsody (also an excellent film) and I said “Sure!” This film has since spawned never-ending jokes between me and my best friend. (I ended up making her a Venom scarf for Christmas!) If you’re trying to get someone to see this film, don’t show them the trailers depicting it as a dark, gritty, action thriller, show them the home video trailer depicting it as a rom-com because that’s exactly what it is. I still can’t believe that a movie about a human falling in love with a man-eating gooey alien is real.

5. The Shape of Water

- “2017 will be remembered as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish.”- Jimmy Kimmel, 2018 Oscars. I’m beginning to see a pattern for stories of humans falling in love with monsters. My mom and I wanted to see this film after the trailer dropped in summer 2017 and were disappointed when the film didn’t play here. However, sometime in February 2018, this film played in our town for one weekend, so we dashed to the theater. I don’t even know where to start with how beautiful this film is and since several people I know still haven’t watched it I’ll just state this: Please watch this film. It earned the 4 Oscars it won. (It earned all 10 it was nominated for!)

6. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

- I almost didn’t see this film. 2018 was a pretty hectic year for me and I didn’t really keep up with films/entertainment news, so I saw no trailers for this film (except for a really short tv ad). All I knew was what my best friend had said: “Brianna, let’s go see Spider-verse. In 3D.” (y’all, 2018 was the year of listening to my best friend) It was so nice not only to see a different Spider-Man, a diverse cast, a well-curated soundtrack, and a completely new style of animation that makes you feel as though you’re reading/watching a comic book??? Sign me up! I’m so happy this film won the Oscar!!

7. Macross Frontier Movies

- I’ve fallen deep into the Macross hole in the past year or two and have no plans of crawling out. The 2008 series Macross Frontier was my first and favorite entry in the series so far. I knew that there were two recap/alternate retelling films made, so when I was free one day I watched them and I was really surprised that I enjoyed them more than the tv series!? I haven’t really mentioned this, but my big problem with the tv series of Frontier was it’s ending being not too good. I don’t want to ruin it since Macross (particularly made after 2001) is a bit unknown in the USA, but I will say that if you want to get into this franchise, start with the Frontier movies or with the iconic Macross: Do you remember love? film. The music is just as good as the tv series, same with the costumes, and the writing is much better! The performance of Northern Cross at the climax of The Wings of Goodbye was really moving. Not “Do you remember love?” moving, but pretty close.

8. Sailor Moon Theatrical Double-Feature

- Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve loved Sailor Moon for pretty much all of my life (ever since the 3rd & 4th seasons aired on Toonami back in the day!) A holiday tradition for me was to watch the 2nd theatrical every Christmas Eve, unfortunately my two VHS tapes finally gave out in 2016. Thanks to Viz Media, this past summer saw theatrical re-releases of all 3 Sailor Moon films. Shockingly, my local theater was showing the films subbed so my mom and I bought our tickets right away. It was so surreal seeing these films that I grew up with on the big screen, and I know non-Sailor Moon fans won’t get this, but hearing/watching the whole “Moon Revenge” sequence in the theater was so intense. This part never got to me as a kid for some weird reason and I had no idea I was crying until my mom pointed it out at the end of the film. With the 2nd film, seeing Luna transform into a human was emotionally moving as always, just 10 times more since it was on the big screen with that nice surround sound system. That night when I got home, I didn’t get any sleep since I still couldn’t believe that this happened. The now 20+ years old Sailor Moon movies got released for the first time in USA theaters. This is an experience I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.

9. Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card Arc

- I was so excited when a sequel to Cardcaptor Sakura was announced. Like Sailor Moon, I watched this series as the heavily-edited Cardcaptors on Toonami. When I got older and learned that there was more anime out there besides the ones I saw on TV, I went back and watched Cardcaptor Sakura to get the whole, magical story and even read the manga, which I believe is the greatest children’s manga ever made. I loved every single moment of the new series and felt as though I were watching another episode of the classic series. The only thing that felt different was that the animation is no longer hand-drawn. (it’s still good) When you reboot or make a sequel to a series be it tv, film, or book, sometimes it’ll miss the charm that made it so enjoyable in the first place. Clear Card thankfully still carries the charm its predecessor had.

10. Little Witch Academia

- I had started this anime around holiday 2017 but didn’t finish it until early 2018. This was one of the most optimistic series I’d ever had the pleasure of watching. I don’t want to compare the two, but the inspirational message that Kiki’s Delivery Service gave me when I was 10, was the exact inspirational message you will find in Little Witch Academia. (and that I needed to hear as a 20-year-old) I was starting to get a bit depressed and losing confidence in myself with my science grades getting lower no matter what I tried, as well as other things in my personal life. After dropping Science, I had a long wait between classes, so I decided to start watching Little Witch Academia again. Seeing our protagonist Akko trying her best at flying a broom and failing was me with my science grades, but her determination to get her broom just a few centimeters off the ground was so inspiring to watch. After this I watched the other Studio Trigger works I had yet to see, and while they’re all good in their own way, none of them have left the imprint LWA left on me. Sometimes when I get frustrated or lack confidence in myself, I tell myself Shiny Chariot’s words of wisdom that motivated Akko throughout the series: “Never forget your beautiful dreams. Believing is your magic!!”

#2018 #2018 in review #The Ancient Magus Bride #millennium actress #satoshi kon #slayers anime #lina inverse #venom #the shape of water #into the spider verse #macross frontier #sailor moon #cardcaptor sakura clear card #clear card arc #little witch academia #brianna talks #slayers

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