#we still need therapy after this
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Hope I ain't late to the trauma party. Can't believe it's been a year since it aired.
And yes, the Hunter pose parallel was intentional.
#the owl house#toh#art#fanart#my art#toh fanart#toh hollow mind#toh phillip wittebane#philip wittebane#toh emperor belos#emperor belos#hollow mind#anniversary art#we still need therapy after this
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Raimondi is deeply growing on me its not even funny anymore
He's so underrated bro I love him sm
He and Caramba are such cool character like their designs and their personalities are so fun and their duo is also what is so cool about them like they went from wanting to beat eachothers ass to becoming best friends in a span of idk 20 minutes?
#raimondi#caramba is still my ultimate fav tho#Raimondi needs more love man hes so cool#what if bro dies next season☠️🙏#:3#skullivar needs to be in a psychward holy shit bro#i need to see caramba and raimondi bonding in season 2 because they were such a cool duo#raimondi is probably that typa dude that gets offened at someone splitting the pasta in half#pretty sure caramba did this once#someone take this show away from me#zak storm#also are we not gonna talk about that raimondi told the 7cs that he sometimes talks to himself not even 5 minutes after meeting them#Raimondi probably needs therapy after all of this because bro got captured and threatend to be killed if he didnt work on the machine☠️🙏#not to mention bro wouldve been ☠️ if caramba didnt pull him away#anyways hes a silly dude love him#i want his backstory and the lore
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any 'wait for it' girlies out there? nice nice just wanted to drop by and let you know that you are mentally unwell!! me too :) we can unpack why you latched onto those lyrics as a kid together <3
#elli i am staring at you 👁👄👁 STARING DIRECLTY AT U#i relistened the other day after our convo and HOLY FUCK NO WONDER I ATTACHED TO THAT SONG AS A CHILD BJADLSFDJKSL#the lyrics BRO ARE WE OKAY#I DONT THINK SO#anyways heres a very niche off brand callout post . if this speaks to u hmu#we can do some group therapy#aka play that song on repeat and sing all the lyrics still embedded in our brains from 5th grade#thats a lie we all know u didnt stop in 5th grade#hamilton#i guess#im always scared to tag outside the byler tag/my mutuals because 🥺people on the internet are scary and need to calm down most of the time#wait for it#almost said wait for me originally because thats ALSO another banger and i need to add hadestown to my intro post bc BJAKLDSJKLJVS#formative middle school experience frfr#that musical slays omg#and i actually went and SAW that one#the flashing lights directly aimed at audiences were absolute HELL for me but its okay bc i could just close my eyes and recite the lyrics#this is way off topic my b#hadestown girlies stand up and hmu#we can just jam out to way down hadestown and chant and wait for me reprise and also cry to flowers together#ok thats enough tags
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i can’t believe i have to go through another race weekend without danny
#f1#daniel ricciardo#Italian gp 2023#formula 1#after all we’ve been through this year#AND ITS MONZA LIKE-#I just#I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m being a downer I saw the latest is he’s started physical therapy already which#is amazing I hope he’s feeling good about it and takes the time he needs to heal#BUT TO MAKE ME WATCH MONZA WITHOUT HIM IS A CRIME OKAY#🫠🫠🫠#joey rambles#we didn’t even get any songs from him this week which I get but still 😭#my sunshine boy
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this is exactly what im talking about btw, baeddels harassing trans men but trans men are expected not only to shut up and take it but not do anything in turn. just like a specific brand of abuse on the tip of my tongue
like waow i guess im OpPrEsSiNg you for telling you its bad to call a whole group of people slurs as insults and being a misgendering and transphobic piece of garbage.
why cant we make 'theymab' a thing? oh yeah because its acceptable to abuse a trans person under the pretense of their agab if you see them as a woman but not if you're seen as a man. huh. i wonder what that reminds me of.
#wtf was the goal of that hate comment. stop#anyway to make 1 thing clear if you want to harass people and act patriarchal i really do not care ab how Most Oppressed you are#if you want not to feel like a man maybe stop degrading women and even calling people who arent women that so you can degrade them#like imagine being racist and crying about racism?? no one cares bro you are the asshole#i should not have to tolerate harassment because you feel that you deserve and still chase after the same pariarchal space that cis men have#because you want all the power to abuse inherent to being a cis man at the same time as saying you dont want to be seen as one#you could say its properly transmisogynistic to not let you abuse people for percieved womanhood even a LITTLE#how dare they? this was your birthright#i dont believe in karma but i believe you deserve to get what you give on some level#baeddels are clinging so hard to the conventions of toxic masculinity#and u have to stay quiet about it and try to reword that glaring fact bc its Misgendering#i am not the one running around trying so hard to be transphobic and misogynistic to vulnerable ppl#also yall act like oppression is always gonna align with your identity. its not thats the point.#but just bc you start experiencing misogyny for the first time does not mean you need to level it at transmasculine people#go find a better outlet. go the fuck to therapy#we are not your punching bag
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"He was such a great mathematician that he calculated the area of hell and found out that there is enough space for all of you."
-One of my teachers
#this isn't even the worst thing she#things teachers say#my teacher#school quotes#public school#school#she roasts us like that every day#we need therapy after her classes#she still is the BEST teacher we ever had and no one will be able to change that
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me, wondering why ive been having panic attacks at night recently
#cancer cw /#your mom has cancer you idiot of course youre gonna have episodes of anxiety and panic#we wont know until after she has major surgery if its spread anywhere else#and even if it has spread elsewhere it should be manageable#shes not gonna die suddenly from it but like#we still had to have the 'if something happens this is what i want to happen with my remains' talk#and holy fuck that shit is scary man#and its completely reasonable to feel this way#but ive been working on emotional regulation & accepting reality stuff in therapy lately#to not make myself go through prolonged suffering and worry#but also not to ignore it completely and go right into fantasy escapism#i need to be able to feel the thing when i need to but not shut down#and let it out reasonably before doing something more productive#maybe i should make nightly posts on my dreamwidth site#since i do find it helpful now to dump out my thoughts in one go and leave them there#i used to have full on panic attacks almost nightly and liveblog them the past like 10 years on tumblr#which isnt good good but i find it helpful to stream of conscious type stuff like this and feel it#and leave it there and go on to my next task#yappin
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It’s been two days since the premiere of 6B and 911 is STILL in the top trending here and Buck is STILL a trending topic on Twitter.
THE COLLECTIVE TRAUMA IS REAL.
#911#911 fox#911 on fox#911 6b#911 in a flash#evan buckley#911 buck#like for real#911 was in the top two trending the day after#and it just dropped to number 7 just now#and on the twitter side of things#buck is still a trending topic#and then when you click it it's mainly the buddie of it all#and if it's not buddie it's the still with buck and chris#like damn#I thought we were prepared for coma!buck to come through#but im guessing seeing it actually happen has put us in shock#like do we need therapy#i know i do#like yesterday morning I literally watched the clip of when buck got struck just to relive Eddie screaming for him#like a girl is shooketh#I couldn't even talk after the episode ended#hell my mom doesn't even watch 911 like that but she watched the scene with me and she was shook too#and the last time she was like that was when she watched Eddie get shot for the first time#I mean I want next week to come already#but at the same time I really don't#help me
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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:')
#personal#thinking abt the end of my last relationship with all the lies and the stringing me along#funfact. we broke up in 2020 but it wasnt until 2021 that i actually stopped talking to them. in january#bcus stupid naive me thought we could still be friends after they cheated on me#bcus!! when we were dating we always said that if we broke up we'd still be friends#anyways i had my 3rd suicide attempt then and its obviously not their fault#we'd been together for five years. they were interested in me when i was 16 and they were 19#but i said to wait until i was 17 bcus 16 and 19 sounded bad#my current partner thinks i mightve been groomed but i dont think so#anyways dont feel too bad for me#i had so many unchecked mental illnesses (like bpd) that i treated them horribly#i feel so guilty abt what i did to them#but therapy has helped me see that we both kinda sucked#im working on not taking responsibility for every part of the relationship and focusing on my own mess ups#anyways i just needed to get that out of my system#sorry 4 typos lol
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my stomach hurts so bad i’m literally dying
#stream#maybe it’s bc i’ve had 2 tunnocks biscuits & 4 clementines then washing it down w 4 cups of coffee ALSLAKSALKSLSKSLASKLAKSA#like 😭😭😭😭#i’m Suffering#i need to do this paper that’s due thursday 😭😭😭#still haven’t started & im a bit fucked i think bc tomorrow is Therapy Day & that’s 😭😭😭😭😭#very much Needed but then i’m going to a meeting w mr ohio to talk to a professor then i need to come back & actually do the paper / finish#the paper bc tonight i’m going to JUST do preliminary reading & maybe get quotes#i think that’ll be good enough for tonight then tomorrow we can get the quotes on a doc & then build up some arguments & then make a rough#framework & then i can expand wednesday before turning in after polishin on thursday#that’s my plan ok swag#but also i need to cook do laundry & do dishes & clean my bathroom today#but it’s only 7.30 now so i’ve got TIME i can DO IT#but i need to be in bed by 1/.5a bc i need to be out of the house by 8.10#i’m grossly overestimating my ability to get shit done#like i’ll do dishes & laundry & cook & that’s probably it#i didn’t do dishes laundry nor cook & i also didn’t start the paper lol#ain’t clean the bathroom neither
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I wait for you
;Alex G
#alex’s diary#I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon.#I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it#I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me#quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door?#I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me?#To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way.#While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore.#You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it.#I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me.#But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you.#I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you.#There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you#How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day#I'm still lost and confused and upset.#I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis#Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining.#I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here.#I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it?#I know you once loved me so that should be enough.#I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was.#I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day#I thank you for everything that you have given me.#I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end.#But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before#Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again#no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you.#im sorry for everything.#I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
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Idk man if you're constantly talking about your crushing loneliness and feelings of being ostracised and left out when you ostensibly have a bunch of friends around you then maybe the feelings of loneliness aren't the problem there
#i would always feel really empty and distant and 'act out' after our hangouts#and i always framed it as like 'i get the high when i'm around people and then i crash afterwards'#and didn't really consider that maybe sitting in a vc for 4 hours feeling left out while other people have fun is just soul sucking#it was always framed as my behaviour that was the problem. 'you did this and you did that.' so i just kinda internalized that#if i felt like shit it must be my fault. everybody knows i'm the one who causes problems so i'm just causing more problems#if i say that something made me uncomfortable and the response is 'i wont make accomodations and how dare you even ask' it must be my fault#idk. we filled out consent forms in the game i'm really not excited to play and i was reminded that nobody ever asked my consebt#and when i tried to advocate for myself and voice that i wasn't consenting it was treated like i was causing problems by trying to say that#and i saw that as a reasonable reaction at the time cause i had been so deeply convinced that i was broken and horrible#that if i was trying to revoke my consent or even just negotiate it then i was ruining everything for everybody else#that if i was uncomfortable with what was going on i needed to just shut up and live with it#i wish i had realized that and dropped out months ago. maybe that could have preserved some semblance of my relationships with those people#far too late for that now. i'm trying to accept that#and all that effort was wasted anyway#i tried to say once that i was putting in a massive amount of effort and i felt like nobody was recognizing that fact#and i still kind of feel that way#i put hours of mental energy into trying to be enough for people who kept demanding more from me and kept giving me less in return#did that do me any good or did it just cause me 3 months of grief and an empty bank account from therapy?#the problem is that i still wish things had turned out better even though i know i had no control over that#if i had kept advocating for myself it just would have been over far faster. i guess that might have spared me a bit of money#if i tried to talk about the problems it would have just been dismissed with some quick quippy therapy phrase amounting to 'not my fault'#we're already living in the universe where i put all my effort into changing in the ways i was told to change and look how well that went#idk. the attitude was never 'let's fix the problems.' it was always 'you need to fix it.' and then when i did it was#'now there's a new problem. fix that one too. and this one. and that one.'#and to do all that work for somebody and then be told they thought you never even cared about them. man it just stings#idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible#i try meeting new people and they all suck. i try strengthening relationships with old people and they all get too busy or leave.#the only reason i post these things on tumblr is cause i don't have anybody else to talk to about it#the only person i could talk to has their own shit going on. there really just isn't anybody else#personal
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the idea of forearm crutches is. so nice. i feel relief just thinking about them.
#i have no idea how to fo about mobility aids#for context: im unmedicated right now. conpletley.#after an mri didnt find any swelling they took me off my meds cause my arthritis seemed like it wasnt active#granted now everything hurts more and is somehwta swollen#pain clinic in several months and im suspected for having fibro or another pain amplification disorder#but god#my hips and knees are so bad walking has become so painful#stairs jesus christ#i have to go up them every day for school and i dread ir#my physical therapist also thinks im ready to graduate from physical therapy#because of how strong ive gotten#and the initail reasoning for me to not get a cane or anything was because we were focusing on strengthening my body#but everything still hurts. lol.#the idea of being able to put my weight on something other than my knees sounds so nice#im so tired#ugh#fibro#arthritis#disabled#tagging this because i kind of need advice
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