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k-llama-llama · 4 years

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FroYo

SuperM/WayV AU: 8th member

YinYin x SuperM/WayV/NCT

YinYin and Jungkook meet up for the first time.

A/N:ALSO FYI check out my patreon (patreon.com/kllamallama for exclusive posts!)

Requests are Open…and your feedback is still super important to me.

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

Are you in Hangang park?

YinYin leaned against the railing overlooking the river, pulling out her phone. She’d stopped for a break on her jog, and got a text from Jungkook asking what she was doing. She’d just replied with a little selfie, but evidently he’d recognized where she was.

Yeah. She texted back. Why?

I’m like five minutes away...want to meet up?

YinYin swallowed. She’d been texting Jungkook for a few weeks, but they’d never actually met up. Something about it felt like it would be crossing a line, though why she didn’t know.

It’s just meeting up with a friend, she told herself. Nothing strange about it.

She turned from the river and took a quick picture of a nearby shop.

Frozen yogurt?

Be there in a few.

It was ten minutes of waiting in the yogurt shop before she saw Jungkook come around the corner. He was wearing a mask, but still waved as she saw him through the window. Suddenly she was wishing she was wearing more than a crop top and leggings, and was worried that the lemon frozen yogurt she’d ordered had melted too much.

“Guanyin, hey.” Jungkook slid into the spot next to her. “Did you wait long?”

YinYin sniffed slightly, sliding his yogurt over to him. “Hey, and no. But I thought you said you were only five minutes away.”

“I couldn’t find the shop.” He explained, but she could’ve sworn he blushed a bit. “Anyways, you shouldn’t have ordered, I would have payed.”

“I was here first, I don’t mind.” YinYin took a bite of her yogurt.

“I asked you.”

“It’s not like it’s a date,” YinYin laughed. “I can buy you a yogurt.”

“Right. Yeah, it’s not a date.” He paused for a second, before shoving a spoonful of yogurt right into his mask.

YinYin stared at him. “You have to...”

“Move the mask, I know.” He pulled it down, taking a bite. “Um....so you like to run?”

“Yeah,” YinYin nodded, not at all sure where this conversation was going. “I run most days.”

“Always in Hangang Park?”

“Usually.” She took another bite. “What were you doing?”

“What?”

“You said you were five minutes away. What were you up to?”

“Oh....I....I was shopping.”

“Shopping?”

“Yeah.”

“In Hangang Park?” YinYin wasn’t convinced. “Hmmm....you’ll have to show me where sometime.”

“Sure...yeah.” He swallowed, before turning to look at her. “I’m sorry if this whole thing is really awkward. I just though it would be nice to hang out because you seem cool but clearly this is-”

“It’s fun.”

“What?”

“It’s fun.” YinYin smiled at him. “I’m sorry if I seem like I’m teasing. But I am having fun.”

“You....” Jungkook laughed and shook his head. “You’re kind of hard to figure out.”

“Really?” YinYin raised her eyebrows. “Is it my accent or just my sense of humour?”

“Hmmm...a little bit of both?” He teased.

YinYin laughed with him, before nodding. “Yeah, I guess I deserved that one. So...have you been up to anything exciting?”

“Not really, our tour got cancelled so we have some time off.” He explained. “You?”

“Oh,” She exclaimed, setting her spoon down. “Did Sumi not tell you? I’ve been added to the group project she’s in with Zoey and Sara. I met them a few days ago and made it all official.”

“That’s awesome.” He smiled. “You’ll do great in it.”

“I’m suprised she didn’t mention it, she didn’t seem too keen on me being added so suddenly.”

He gave a small smile. “She doesn’t really like change. I think she just gets worried about getting swept off her feet with no control over it.” He turned, happy to find her nodding in understand. “And....she doesn’t exactly know that we’ve been talking, so I’m not surprised she didn’t tell me.”

“She doesn’t know?” YinYin tilted her head. “Well, I guess it isn’t exactly exciting news. I’m sure we’ll all be hanging out together soon, what with the-”

“No!”Jungkook said, a little too loudly. He paused and waited to make sure he hadn’t drawn anyone’s attention to them.

“Why, you don’t want to hang out with me again?”

“No, I just....” He swallowed. “I think it might be better if this is just our thing. Leave Sumi out of it, for a while.”

YinYin took the last bite of her yogurt. “And what exactly is our thing?”

Jungkook looked at the ceiling, as if hoping it would offer advice. “The guys all said I was being too obvious.”

“Too obvious about what?”

Jungkook looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Do you really not know? Or is this another thing with your sense of humour?”

YinYin shrugged. “I don’t know, try me.”

He took a deep breath, bracing himself to say the next words.

“I like you too, you know.” YinYin beat him to it.

The spoon dropped out of his hand. “What?”

She winced. “Was that not where you were going with that?”

“No, it was but I....” He stared at her. “You actually like me?”

“Is that such a surprise?”

“A bit, but...” He grinned. “I like you too....a lot.”

“Well that’s good, I would’ve been embarrassed otherwise.” She smiled back at him. “So, what happens now?”

Jungkook crossed his fingers under the table. “Do you have plans tonight?”

She winked. “Now I do.”

“Good.” He was absolutely beaming. “I’ll pick you up at six? Movie and dinner sound good?”

‘It sounds perfect.” YinYin laughed. “Maybe I’ll wear something other than sweaty workout clothes.”

“Wear whatever you want, I’m just excited to actually be going on a....” He trailed off, and she thought she saw a blush staining his cheeks before he yanked the mask back up.

She hopped off the stool, watching as he collected the remnants of their yogurt. “We should be going. I have to think of an excuse to tell the boys.”

“Same.” He laughed, climbing off his stool and dumping their yogurt in the garbage. “Except, it’s Sumi I need to get around.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you later.” YinYin looked towards the door. “We should leave separately in case anyone recognizes you.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” He nodded. “But I’ll see you at six? You’ll send me the address?”

“On one condition.” YinYin smirked.

“What’s that?”

YinYin stretched up on her toes so she was leaning right next to his ear. “You have to call it a date.”

She could practically feel him stutter as he fumbled for words. “I....um....okay....it’s a date, then.”

“Great.” YinYin reached up and tightened her ponytail. “See you then.”

“Do you want a ride home?”

“I’d rather run.” She winked one last time. “Don’t be late.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He said, right before she turned on her heel and jogged out of the shop.

#wayv #nct #wayv au #wayv imagines #wayv 8th member #female kpop #female!kpop #female member kpop #jungkook #requests open #au #kpop #imagines #imagine #kpop au #kpop imagines #kpop imagine #bts #bts imagines

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vios-rockland-corner · 4 years

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How I’m going to tackle “Rumors of Rockland”

Hello there! Today there was a RIDICULOUSLY large information dump on Outlaw’s Patreon about upcoming game layouts. There’s far too much there to comment on right now, but there’s one thing in particular I wanted to focus on today. This post actually is less of me talking about the possibilities of the game, and more so how “I” personally am going to approach these particular “games.”

Overview of what’s below:

- What is “Rumors of Rockland” (RoR)

- My OC Sasha Holmes

- What kind of posts you’ll see from me as these RoR installments come through

What is “Rumors of Rockland?”

Of the long list of future games to come from the creators in the Rockland Universe, one of the very first things mentioned that’s new is the “Rumors of Rockland.” THIS might actually be the first bit of solid content besides the demos that you may see pop up.

“Rumors of Rockland” is a little interesting. I’m not 100% sure I’d call it a “game” first of all. I do fully believe it will be presented to us in the same visual format we get with Ren’Py. The visual novel style basically. But there’s two big keynotes on what makes this piece of media different from the creators’ other games.

1) The MC in these “games” is going to be more of an observer. It’s specifically going to be different from the rest of the games where the MC is directly involved in the story. Here, it sounds more like the MC happens to be in the same setting as another set of characters, but otherwise does not affect what’s going on. With that being said, I don’t even know if we’ll be playing through with any choices to select. The creators also said that it would ideally be the same MC in all the scenarios, further suggesting that the MC isn’t being placed in a perilous situation here. They are an untouched bystander.

2) There will be several installments of this series. Oh yes. When I said “scenarios” before, I didn’t necessarily mean that there’s going to be a lot of things happening in this one...I’m going to refer to is as a “visual novel” until further notice. What I mean is this is a series that will be continuously updated throughout the development of other Rockland games. New installments can be called new chapters to the visual novel. “Rumors of Rockland” appears to be a way to supplement extra information to the audience about certain characters and what is going on in Rockland. That solidifies even more for me why I would prefer to call this a visual novel over a game. Yes I know lots of games will sometimes continue to get DLC content to add further progression. Call it a hunch though, I think the creators would want to save their time developing multiple games rather than developing one and just continually adding updates for it. They have a lot of characters to go through, so this could be an effective way to show some elements that may not be able to make it into a main game.

Apparently, the release order of games has switched around once again and Rumors of Rockland is going to be released first, followed by “Welcome to Rockland” (this is a path focusing on just one character), THEN Misfits: First Blood. I know, sometimes this gets a little confusing to keep track of. Just trust me, a lot of this has to do with character shifts for the groups.

Right now the first Rumors of Rockland we’re supposed to get is just listed as “Introduction/Prologue.” It might not be long, but we’ll see soon what we’re working with here. There also was a BIG list of potential chapters touching on all sorts of different elements of Rockland. It’s kind of wild. Chapters may not be long themselves, considering how many they have planned. But the good news is I think if they’re doing this the way I suspect...it won’t be difficult to pump out a lot of chapters at a faster pace than any of the other games. I think all they need is a stock set of backgrounds and sprites...then it’s just recoding and new script each time. That’s not really so bad if they don’t have the MC have to make a lot or any choices at all. No complaints from me in that case.

My OC

Okay, little detour here, but this WILL become relevant to this blog and tie back into RoR. I don’t make many OC’s, but I made one from scratch here. Her name is Sasha Holmes and I created her specifically to be an NPC in the Rockland Universe.

See I’m not really the creative type, but I wanted to try practicing character creation and development. I’m NOT the type of person though who usually a) visualizes/creates my own MC for a game (I prefer games even with pre-made protagonist avatars) or b) self-inserts. I have NOTHING against anyone who does either of these obviously. My brain just...lacks the creativity to do the former, and since games are a form of escapism, I don’t self-insert because that’s not part of the fantasy and escapism aspect for me.

What’s more, lots of these games are going to be horror survival. I feel even LESS inclined to craft an OC I may fall in love with only to throw them into the pits of hell. Likely any character I make would die, and I don’t have the mental energy to create another OC for every.single.game, haha.

To get around this, I said: “Well what if I just make a character that solely exists in this universe, but never interferes with the story. Surely there are just normal citizens that live in Rockland?” What I was planning on doing was occasionally utilizing Sasha for extra posts when I couldn’t think of anything to write. Something like journal entries she’d make about her day and gossip that she’s heard around town. Perhaps gossip about people going missing even or shady dealings. How would Sasha react? Sometimes a normal person will wave something off as too outlandish to be true. If it doesn’t directly impact you, it’s easier to ponder one second but push it to the side the next. Or maybe what you hear could make you start to feel paranoid. Especially if things persist.

Originally, I was going to split things so that some of the gossip or rumors Sasha heard were actually based on real things that “I” know happen in the games and universe, and some things that are false (because you know how rumors get pretty outlandish if someone mishears something or someone’s just looking for attention). I was prepared to just kind of craft my own type of content like this in due time. In addition to all the analysis posts, don’t worry. The posts regarding my OC would have just been filler when I couldn’t think of anything else.

Now that Rumors of Rockland is a thing though…do you know what this is for me? It’s a template. I am literally being gifted the EXACT kind of scenario I would have previously had to craft myself. This visual novel doesn’t need an interactive MC, just one that observes the events happening. If they’re the same MC in every chapter too, that means they should be safe! I am beyond ecstatic and not going to look a gift horse in the mouth!

My Rumors of Rockland Posts

So here’s what going to happen in the future. I’m going to try to do at LEAST one post for every Rumors of Rockland chapter that comes out. Even if the chapters are short, they’ll still be enough for characters to comment on. The goal here is for me to try something new and have a little fun while also putting out content. At the moment, I don’t know which of the two types of posts I will end up preferring to do:

1) Journal Entry- The RoR event has already taken place, and Sasha’s just writing in first person her exact thoughts on the day/information. This would be beneficial if I don’t feel up to describing a whole lot of actions for Sasha or what’s happening around her and just want full dialogue.

2) Present time fic?- Writing the story as the events of the chapter take place. This means placing Sasha directly there and describing all that’s happening with her and getting her IMMEDIATE reactions to certain information. I’m not going to lie, I need to see an RoR chapter first to kind of figure out how I’d write a present time piece. I certainly don’t want to copy paste all the dialogue she hears. Could do a –cut to RoR chapter- note literally in there, and do more of Sasha’s before and after behaviors and emotions. This one would be more dynamic definitely, but I would have the advantage where I could practice having Sasha interact with other characters I bring in such as coworkers or friends. It could be interesting depicting Sasha conversing with another person about what she sees/hears rather than just focusing on her inner thoughts. I also have another side character I might want to utilize to explain why Sasha is even repeatedly going back to where these events take place.

I will admit, I’m not really a creative writer. So I’m going to apologize ahead of time if what I put out isn’t all that stellar. This is going to be practice for sure. Like I said, I may start to favor one post type over the other. I don’t know if I’ll keep them short and sweet, or make it long. Whatever I feel up to I suppose.

I will also mention that I may still end up doing an ADDITIONAL analysis/thoughts post of sorts along with my OC post for an RoR chapter. This is only if there is information revealed that “I” personally want to comment on that I know Sasha can’t. Sasha might not be able to either because she, as an in-universe character, is not aware of the bigger picture, or because her personality doesn’t allow her to think about something in a different way. Sometimes characters are very set in their beliefs and views, which can affect how they perceive information. So if there’s people viewing this blog who are more keen on the analysis posts and don’t really like OC content, don’t worry. Not only will all the big games solely get more analytical posts, but the RoR chapters may still get some as well. It just depends on what kind of information I get fed.

I need to stress again that Sasha is NOT a self-insert. She’s a completely human OC, but she is not me. Now, of course it’s not uncommon for a creator to put just a little bit of themselves into any OC they make. Sasha’s no exception. What’s more, I just realized she’s one of the few purely human OC’s I’ve crafted. I might accidentally end up having her share similar beliefs and mannerisms to myself simply because…that’s what I know best. Sometimes you write better if you write what you know. That being said, I do also try to go out of my way to give my OC’s both minor and major differences to myself, whether it’s small likes and dislikes, physical appearance changes or certain beliefs. The only reason I’m explaining this is because in the event I have both an OC post AND an analysis post that seem to contrast greatly, it’s because my OC and “I” are reacting differently to something. Don’t assume necessarily that the way Sasha views something is exactly the same way I view it. If you do, you might get confused, haha. I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of times where it can’t be helped that Sasha and I think very similarly. But for this, I want to try my best to give Sasha a consistent personality and system of beliefs. Big or small.

I don’t know if I will be putting out a post immediately once the first RoR chapter drops. I’m feeling pretty good about the image I have of Sasha in my head, but there’s still some BIG bio points I need to settle on before I can get started. I know I shouldn’t try to nail down every little piece about her right away so that I can have some flexibility later, but a couple of things I think I need to settle on include:

· Age and occupation- There’s a time skip I know we’re going to get for the Rockland universe, so it’s important for me to decide where I want to start and where she will potentially be in the future. I know some of the other characters’ ages now, so that helps a little in deciding how much younger or older she is compared to some characters. It’s also a big deal whether or not she’s a college student pre-time skip, or already started a career.

· Long term resident of Rockland vs. New in Town- As cliché as it sounds, I may be leaning towards “new in town” simply because it really IS an easy way to explain why she’s never noticed anything strange before in Rockland. While it’s true that children are often ignorant to a lot of the world happening around them, I don’t know enough about the Rockland universe to say WHICH things should be “common knowledge” to a local.

Those are the big ones. After a lot of thinking, I’m sticking to my original plan that Sasha will just be “good.” Don’t expect her to be TOO sympathetic to a person who she hears committed murder for example, haha. I just think not only will it be easier for me to write someone who is a “normal civilian” with a good conscience, but also because I think it might be fun later down the line to tackle a little fear that grows and pondering on why people do bad things to begin with. She’s be a good girl, right now most likely lawful good. Maybe if I ever wanted to craft a side character that’s a little more chaotic than her to bounce off dialogue with to get other perspectives in there, I could do that. That’d be another challenge for me altogether though.

I’m sure not every single chapter though in RoR is going to be about hearing characters describe how they’ve murdered someone recently though. Especially not continuously in a public place. Not everything is going to be crystal clear I’m sure. Sasha might brush off some things that happen, and other stuff seems so incoherent without the context that she won’t know WHAT to make of it.

I’m also still debating whether to not only wait for at least the first RoR piece to come out, but if I want to wait for “Welcome to Rockland” to come out as well before finalizing Sasha.

Last thing before I end this! I wanted to get this post out as a just heads-up on what you’ll see from me in the future. This should work fine considering the RoR chapters sound like information dumps in visual novel format for the most part. I want to be make it clear though that I am NOT copyrighting this way of commenting on the RoR chapters. What I love about these installments, is that you could literally have any viewer’s own OC operating in their own space and just reacting to what happens in plain sight. Anyone should feel free to imagine themselves as the MC here and it’s not going to interfere with anyone else’s story. I would certainly love to see if anyone else tries to do something similar to what I want to do with the RoR updates. There’s so many different types of MC’s people can make and I’m positive they won’t all react to things the same exact way as each other.

#rockland #Rockland Games #rumors of rockland #runawayoutlaw #rottenbonethief #sugarhazard #RoR #my OC #sasha holmes

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innuendostudios · 5 years

Video

youtube

New video essay! Internet reactionaries argue as though they have no core beliefs at all, and will just say anything to own the libs. So are they nihilists, or is there more going on?

You can ensure this series continues by backing me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

Say, for the sake of argument, you’re online blogging about a Black journalist’s commentary on marketing trends in video games, movies, and comic books, and you’re saying how the vitriol in response to her fairly benign opinions reveals the deep-seated racism and misogyny in a number of fan communities, most especially those that lean right, when a right-leaning commenter pops in to say, “Or maybe they just actually disagree with her about marketing trends! For Christ’s sake, there’s no mystery here. People aren’t aren’t speaking in coded language. They are telling you what they believe. She had a bad opinion; why do you have to make it bigger than that? Why can’t you ever take people at their word?”

You pause and ponder for a moment. Mmm… Aw heck with it, you’re in a discoursing mood. Let’s do this.

“Mr. Conservative, in order for me to take you at your word, your words would have to show some consistency. Let me just lightning round a few questions about the reactionary web’s positions on marketing trends: Do you believe that having the option to romance same-sex characters in an RPG turns the game into queer propaganda, or do you believe that killing strippers in an action game can’t be sexist since no one’s making you do it? Do you believe that the pervasiveness of sexualized young women in pop culture is just there because it sells and that’s capitalism and we all need to deal with it, or do you believe that a franchise has an obligation to cater to its core audience even if diversifying beyond that audience is more profitable? Do you think words are inherently harmless and only oversensitive snowflakes would care about racialized language, or do you think it’s racist if someone calls you mayonnaise boy? As long as I’ve got your ear: Are you the Party that believes in the right to keep and bear arms because you’re distrustful of all authority and what if we need to overthrow the government someday, or do you believe that cops are civil servants and we should trust their account of events whenever they shoot a Black man for looking like he might have a gun?

“Does optional content reveal a game’s ideology, or doesn’t it? Is capitalism a defense for decisions you don’t agree with, or isn’t it? Is language harmful, or not? Do you hate authority, or love cops and the troops?

Alright, alright, ease off. Add some nuance. “Now, I know the Right is not a monolith, and maybe these arguments are contradictory because they’re coming from different people. We’ll call them Engelbert and Charlemagne. Maybe Engelbert’s the one who thinks any institution funded by tax money is socialist and therefore bad and Charlemagne’s the one who says we should dump even more tax money into the military and thinking otherwise is un-American. But here’s the thing: Y’all have very fundamentally different beliefs, and you’re so passionate about them that you enter search terms into Twitter to find people you don’t even follow and aggressively disagree with them, and, yet, you’re always yelling at me and never yelling at each other. What’s that about?

“And I can’t say how often it happens, but I know, if I let Engelbert go on long enough, he sometimes makes a Charlemagne argument. And vice versa.

“And, I see you getting ready to say, ‘The Left does the same thing,’ but ba ba ba ba ba, don’t change the subject. That’s an extremely false equivalence, but, more importantly, it doesn’t answer my question. What do you actually believe, and why are you so capable of respecting disagreement between each other, yet so incapable of respecting me - or, for that matter, a Black woman?

“See, I don’t take you at your word because I cannot form a coherent worldview out of the things you say. So, forgive me if, when you tell me what you believe, I don’t think you’re being candid with me. It kinda seems like you’re playing games, and I’m the opposing team, and anyone who’s against me is your ally. And you’re not really taking a position, but claiming to believe in whatever would need to be true to score points against me, like we’re in that one episode of Seinfeld.” [Card Says Moops clip.]

(This is borrowed observation #1, link in the down-there part.)

Hoo, it feels good calling people hypocrites! Person says B when earlier they said A and you point out the contradiction! You don’t take a position on A or B, and you still “win”! I see why Republicans like this so much.

But that’s the kind of point-scoring we’re here to deconstruct, so let’s get analytical.

There’s a certain Beat-You-At-Your-Own-Gaminess to the Card Says Moops maneuver. “Safe spaces are bullshit, but, if you get one, I get one too.” “There’s no such thing as systemic oppression, but, if there were, I’d be oppressed.” It’s dismissing the rhetoric of social justice while also trying to use it against you. Claiming “the Card Says Moops” does not, so much, mean, “I believe the people who invaded Spain in the 8th Century were literally called The Moops,” but, rather, “You can’t prove I don’t believe it.” Not a statement of sincere belief, simply moving a piece across the board. All in the game, yo.

If they could be so nakedly honest with you and themselves to answer “what do you actually believe” truthfully, one suspects the answer would be, “What difference does it make? We’re right either way.”

This has come to be known as “postmodern conservatism,” a fact I find hilarious, because, in The Discourse, “postmodernism” is a dogwhistle for everything the Right hates about the Left. (...it also means “Jews.”) Postmodern conservatism is the thinking that, at least for the purpose of argument, the truth of who invaded Spain is immaterial. You have your facts, I have alternative facts. What is true? Who’s to say?

Regardless of what you actually believe - what you believe serving no rhetorical purpose - you are at least arguing from the position that material truth does not exist. Truth is a democracy. Whoever who wins the argument decides who invaded Spain.

It would be reductive to blame this pattern of thought on the internet, but its recent proliferation isn’t really extricable from the rise of chan culture (this is borrowed observation #2, link in the down there part). 4chan didn’t cause this thinking, but sites like 4chan reveal it in its most concentrated form.

The two most common properties of a chan board will be anonymity and lack of moderation, which means, among other things, that you can say whatever you want with no systemic or social repercussions. People may disagree with you, but it carries no weight. You won’t be banned, you won’t have your comments deleted, and, because there’s no way to know whether any two posts are made by the same person, you won’t even get a reputation as “the person with the bad opinion.”

The effect this has on the community is that there is no expectation, in any given moment, that the person on the other end of a conversation isn’t messing with you. You can’t know whether they mean what they say or are only arguing as though they mean what they say. And entire debates may just be a single person stirring the pot. Such a community will naturally attract people who enjoy argument for its own sake, and will naturally trend towards the most extreme version of any opinion.

In short, this is the Free Marketplace of Ideas. No code of ethics, no social mores, no accountability. A Darwinist petri dish where ideas roam free and only the strong ones survive. If the community agrees Bebop is better than Eva, well, then I guess Bebop is better than Eva, because there wasn’t any outside influence polluting the discourse. Granted, it could just be a lot of people thought it was funny to shit on Eva, but it’s what the community has decided, so it will at least be treated as truth.

This demands that one both be highly opinionated and to assume opinions are bullshit, to place a high premium on consensus and be intensely distrustful of groupthink.

A common means of straddling these lines is what I call the Stanislavski Opinion: the opinion you entertain so completely that you functionally believe it while you express it, no matter the possibility that you will express - and, to an extent, believe - an opposite opinion later. Most of us go through a phase in our youths where we’re online and like the idea of believing in something, but don’t know what to believe just yet, so we pick a position and find out if we believe it by defending it. We try on ideologies like sunglasses off a rack. Most of us will eventually settle on a belief system, and this will usually involve some apologies and some comments we wish we could scrub from the internet, but it’s an important stage of growing up.

But some percentage of people will seek out a space where there is no embarrassment, the comments scrub themselves, and never growing out of the Stanislavski Opinion is actively rewarded. There, figuring out what you believe would make your ability to argue less flexible, and, besides, if you believed anything unironically, much of the community would still assume you’re trolling. Where no one is bound by their word, what, really, is the difference between appearing to have an opinion and having one?

Sincerity is unprovable and open to interpretation. Decide someone is sincere if you want to make fun of them, decide they’re trolling if you want to make fun of someone else. What is true? What do you want to be true? It’s easy enough to start thinking of one’s own opinions the same way: What do I believe? What is it advantageous to believe? Your answer isn’t binding. You’ll change it later if you need to.

The person I’m describing, you spend time online, you’ll meet him a lot. His name is Schrodinger’s Douchebag (borrowed observation #3, link in the down there part): A guy who says offensive things & decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him. Any website that lacks effective moderation and allows some level of anonymity will, to varying degrees, approximate 4chan, and be overrun with Schrodinger’s Douchebag.

When this type of person defends rape jokes by saying all humor is inherently punching down because there must be a butt to every joke, he hasn’t thought about it. He assumes it’s true, because he figures he’s a smart guy and whatever he assumes is probably right, but he’s unfazed if you prove otherwise; there’s no shortage of dodgy reasons he might be right and you wrong. He’ll just pick another one. What matters is that the game continues.

The thing is, Bob, it’s not that they’re lying, it’s that they just don’t care. I’ll say that again for the cheap seats: When they make these kinds of arguments, they legitimately do not care whether the words coming out of their mouths are true. It is a deeply held belief for precisely as long as it wins arguments.

So it’s kinda funny, right, how many of these folks self-identify as “rationalists?” I mean, typical rational thinking would say: If I am presented with the truth, I will believe it, and, once I believe it, I will defend it in argument. This? This is not that! This is a different idea of “rationality” that views it not as a practice but as an innate quality one either possesses or lacks, like being blond or left-handed: If I’m arguing it, I must believe it, because I’m a rational person, and, if I believe it, because I’m a rational person, it must be true. You speak assuming you’re right, and, should you take a new position, this telescopes out into a whole new set of beliefs with barely a thought. Stay focused on the argument, and you won’t even notice it’s happening.

You might now conclude the internet reactionary believes in nothing except winning arguments with liberals. And, like Newtonian physics, if you assume this framing, you will get highly useful results. If you enter conversation with Engelbert and Charlemagne believing they do not mean what they say, they are only entertaining notions, and, on a long enough timeline, they will eventually defend a position fundamentally incompatible with the one they defended earlier in the same argument, you will navigate that conversation much more effectively!

But, like Newtonian physics, this framing is lowercase-a accurate without being capital-T True.

In reality, nihilism isn’t that popular. People will tell you, “I don’t care about anything, I just like triggering the libs,” but why is it always libs? It is piss easy (and also hilarious) to upset conservatives, why only go after the SJWs? The easy answer is, well, if you upset a feminist, you might make her cry; if you upset a Nazi, he might stab you, and that has a cooling effect. But the more obvious answer is that they actually agree with the racist, MRA, and TERF talking points they repeat, but would rather not think about it.

So much of conservative rhetoric is about maintaining ignorance of one’s own beliefs. To uphold the institution of imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy while thinking you are none of those things. (Well, OK, knowing you’re a capitalist, but thinking it’s a good thing.) Most people have a baseline of fairly conventional, kindergarten morality, and conservatism often clashes with it. You can rationalize these contradictions - “I’m not a bigot, I just believe in states’ rights” - but, as American conservatism gets more radical, it gets harder to square one’s politics with what one assumes to be one’s beliefs. So you learn, when someone challenges you, to cycle through beliefs until something sticks, just play your hand and trust that you’re right, or, in extreme cases, insist you have no beliefs at all, you’re just here to watch the world burn.

But they’re not. They are willing participants in the burning of only certain parts. They don’t care what they believe, but they know what they hate, and they don’t want to think about why they hate it. On paper, they believe in freedom of religion and freedom of expression, but they also hang out in communities where Muslims and trans women are punching bags. And, like a sixth grader who believes one thing in Sunday school and another thing in biology class, they believe different things at different times.

This thinking is fertile ground for Far Right recruitment. I’d say the jury is out on whether chan boards attract Far Right extremists or are built to attract Far Right extremists, but they’re where extremists congregate and organize because they’re where extremists are tolerated, and where they blend in with the locals. They learn the lingua franca of performative irony: Say what you mean in such a way that people who disagree think you’re kidding and people who agree think you’re serious. People who don’t know what they believe but clearly have some fascist leanings don’t need to be convinced of Nazi rhetoric, they just need to be submerged in it and encouraged to hate liberals. They’ll make their way Right on their own. Folks start using extremist rhetoric because it wins arguments with SJWs - usually because that’s the moment SJWs decide it’s not fruitful and possibly unsafe talking to you - and this creates the appearance that, if it keeps winning arguments, there must be something to it. The Far Right literally has handbooks on how to do this.

Those who never consciously embrace the ideology - who don’t transition from participating to getting recruited - are still useful. They spread the rhetoric, they pad the numbers, and often participate in harassment and sometimes even violence.

There’s a twisted elegance to all this. Think about it: If you operate as though there is no truth, just competing opinions, and as though opinions aren’t sincere, just tools to be picked up and dropped depending on their utility, then what are you operating under? Self-interest. The desire to win. You’ll defend the Holocaust just to feel smarter than someone, superior. Think about how beautifully that maps onto the in-group/out-group mentality of dominance and bigotry. Think how incompatible it is with liberal ideas of tolerance. I think this is why we don’t see a lot of these “I’m just here to fuck shit up” types on the Left. Don’t get me wrong, the Left has gotten on some bullshit, but (excepting politicians, whom you should never assume to mean anything they say) it’s sincerely-believed bullshit! We don’t build identities around saying things just to piss people off.

The takeaway from all this is not only that you can’t tell the difference between a bigot who doesn’t know they’re a bigot and a bigot who knows but won’t tell you, but that there is no line dividing the two. When some guy, in the middle of a harassment campaign, says the victims should be nicer to their harassers because that will “mend the rift,” I don’t know if he believes it. But, in that moment, he believes he believes it. And that scares the shit out of me. But, if you’re asking how many layers of irony he’s on as compared with the harassers, nine times out of ten it doesn’t matter.

Borrowed observation #4 is: “We are what we pretend to be.”

#the alt-right playbook #alt-right #video essay

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percyinpanties · 7 years

Text

just posted some jercy to patreon and since I’ve been so inactive in may I decided to post it here right away too.

When something small and sharp hits his cheek, Jason only blinks slowly.

For a few seconds, he isn't sure where he is, what he's doing, or what could have possibly hit his cheek in the first place. Maybe he has imagined it?

His thoughts are sluggish and it takes several times opening and closing his eyes before his bleary vision clears up and the room around him comes into focus.

The library.

Right. Finals.

Jason has come here right after school to grab some books on topics he wasn't all that sure on and hide away in one of the study corners to force the info into his brain.

It hasn’t helped that Jason didn’t get much sleep last since he clearly is paying the price for that now. There is only so much his brain can do under the circumstances.

Even now, shaken out of his daze by whatever has hit him, Jason's mind is slow to process what is happening.

How long has he been sitting here? Was he asleep? Did he even read anything before his mind went to a place far far away from where it should be this afternoon?

Jason looks around.

On the table, between unreadable notes and two open books, sits a small paper airplane. Jason doesn't have to see the culprit to know who sent this thing flying into his cheek: The airplane is made of vibrant blue paper and there is only one person at this school who’d even carry those kind of supplies around to begin with.

“Did I wake you?” The whisper, teasing in tone, comes as if on cue somewhere to Jason's right.

Jason aims for a glare when he looks up, but instead ends up meeting Percy's gaze with a weak smile. Unfair plane attack or not, Jason hadn't really been doing anything anymore. It is probably for the best if Percy's here to distract him.

“What are you doin’ here?” Jason mumbles as Percy pulls out the chair next to him and sits down. It's only then that Jason realises how empty the library is now. Jason could swear that just five minutes ago, it was brimming with other students and staff, so busy that he hardly found a space to occupy with his own study notes.

“You didn't answer any if my texts.” Percy says casually and Jason thinks he imagines there's some concern in Percy’s tone too. “And Thalia said you hadn't even come home yet. So I thought to myself: Where does one find a nerd two weeks before his finals?”

Jason huffs and playfully punches Percy's arm. There's no heat behind it and judging by the little laugh that escapes Percy, the other boy knows it too.

“How late is it, exactly?” Jason asks, quieter now, and closes his eyes.

Most likely, he wasted the entire day sitting and doing nothing without even realising. He can’t afford losing time like this. His marks have been good throughout the year, and he wants to keep it that way. His parents, especially his father, have expectations that he needs to meet if he doesn’t want to disappoint them.

Anxiety creeps up in Jason’s chest. Two weeks is nothing, especially not considering how many topics he still wants to cover again. He knew the content when they were tested on it before, but some of that is months back now and frankly, Jason doesn’t trust his long-time memory all that well.

A hand gently covers one of Jason's lying on the table and stops his thoughts in their tracks. They had been spiraling out of control again, and maybe some of that has shown on his face too.

Jason's heart stutters for a few beats, then resumes its rhythm faster than before. Part of Jason wonders what this means, beyond being a calming gesture, but the larger part of him is too scared to question it.

When Percy speaks, his voice betrays nothing.

“Half past six.”

Jason groans. Of course, he wasted the entire day. He’ll have to stay up again tonight if he wants to make up for it, which means he’ll be tired tomorrow and…

“Which is exactly why I'm here. You need a break, my dude. Let's get some food somewhere?” Percy sounds half joking, but this time Jason realises it's only to hide the concern. When Jason looks at him, Percy is watching closely, brow furrowed.

Food sounds tempting. Jason was supposed to be home for dinner half an hour ago and while his mother will hardly have noticed, but Jason knows his father won’t be pleased about him coming late. Now that Jason thinks about it, he realises he hasn’t eaten all day…

Jason doesn't know how to answer, mainly because Percy's right. Jason hadn't done himself any favours by not taking any breaks, especially with the lack of sleep. He hadn't gotten anything done that he meant to go over today, however… Spending time with Percy now will be time he’ll be missing later.

Slowly, Jason turns his hand over under Percy's palm. Percy doesn't hesitate lacing their fingers together, but he doesn't say anything. Jason doesn’t really want to face his parents yet, especially when he can’t even tell them he came back late because he lost track of time working...

It's very quiet for a moment, then Jason sighs.

“Fine.” He says, defeated. Percy squeezes his hand. “I’m starving anyway.”

Percy smiles. Jason finds himself smiling back.

Fifteen minutes later, they're walking down the halls of the school toward the car park. Percy is carrying the books Jason has checked out of the library, and even though Jason insisted earlier that he was fine carrying them himself, he's glad now for the weight lifted from his arms.

His thoughts are still running wild, but he’d be lying if he claimed that Percy’s presence didn’t make it easier already.

“You're a smart cookie.” Percy says and nudges his shoulder against Jason's lightly. Neither of them have spoken in a while, so Jason it takes Jason a moment to process that Percy is speaking. “You'll be fine, you're stressing way too much.”

Jason knows that, objectively, Percy is right.

That does nothing to lighten the anxiety that comes over him every time someone so much as mentions exams though. Most of the pressure originates in his own perfectionism, Jason knows that, but even so he can't bring himself to care even a little less. Failing is not an option for him.

When Jason doesn't answer, Percy keeps talking.

He is speaking quieter and slower than he usually does, which Jason and his tired brain are grateful for. Little by little, Jason finds himself relaxing. Percy’s voice is soothing, there’s no edge to it, no hidden jab or teasing. Jason wonders if Percy knows how much he appreciates this right now.

The walk to the car park isn’t far. Percy has parked his crappy old car close to the entrance and Jason jogs a few steps ahead to open the trunk for Percy to dump the books in.

“Perfect. Now, Chinese?” Percy asks and Jason frowns. He still has a hand on the back door of the car, halfway pulled down to close it again. It takes him entirely too long to realise Percy is asking about food.

He should probably text Thalia and his parents and apology for missing dinner, Jason realises. And tell them he’ll be back even later...

“Or…” Percy adds with a drawl, grin growing on his face. “We could get milkshakes.”

Jason perks up at that. He knows Percy is thinking of the a fast food joint not far from here, and Percy must know it’s Jason’s favourite.

“I want a milkshake.” Jason mumbles before he can stop himself. He looks at Percy with his best attempt at puppy eyes, and given his current state he probably looks more convincing than on an average day.

Percy smiles at him, reaches over and gives Jason’s arm a little squeeze before he’s pulling away.

“Milkshakes it is then.” Percy declares and turns away from to get into the car. It does nothing to hide the pleased grin on his face, which infects Jason with a smile of his own as he closes the trunk and walks past the side to get into the passenger seat.

Seconds later, the car starts with a sputter.

Jason makes a small humming sound at the back of his throat and rests his head against the backrest. The rumbling of the motor washes over him, calms him. As they drive, he isn't quite asleep, but not a really awake either.

Percy doesn't seem to mind.

He doesn’t speak this time, but turns the radio to some random station on a low volume and starts humming along under his breath as soon as he recognises the song. It makes Jason’s lips twitch with a smile, and when he turns his head to the side he can see Percy dancing along to the song as well.

Percy catches Jason looking, looks back and winks at Jason quickly before his eyes are back on the road. Jason feels his cheeks warm, but even so Jason’s gaze lingers a little longer, taking in Percy's profile with his plush lips and long lashes. He’s pretty, Jason thinks, then bites his lip. He shakes his head lightly as if that would help stray his thoughts away from the dangerous path they’ve threatened to go down on just now.

sorry for funny formatting, i have to use gdocs instead of word atm bc f my laptop. also sorry about the ending, this was supposed to be a mini fic so i had to it cut off before it got more out of hand lol

#mine #jercy #jason grace #percy jackson #pjato #my stuff #my fic

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