Can someone explain to me what it means when a guy puts ‘Forklift certified’ on his dating profile. Is this a joke I’m not getting? Or is he literally certified to operate a forklift?

wait what does doing cocomelon shit mean in a wider context. i always assumed it meant ‘im very overwhelmed with what im looking at and dont know how to respond accordingly’

L skibiti rizz with baby gronk creep weirdo game [ WHEATLEY FOUND THE GEN ALPHA PART OF THE URBAN DICTIONARY]

Cooper Day smut, where your friends and your staying the night at his. He gets a wet dream and subconsciously dry humps you until you wake up. You end up having to wake up cooper and tell him to fix it, so he goes into the bathroom and tries to but it's not working so you help him out by riding him until he comes. Also having to stay quiet because his parents are next door. Please I'm begging you write this😫

OMFG I LOVE THIS THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST ASK THIS IS SO *chefs kiss* AHHHH!! BTW I'M TRULY SORRY IF IT ISN'T AS GOOD AS EXPECTED OR EVEN GOOD AT ALL, I AM TRYING MY BEST!

A Dream Come True.

Cooper Day x Fem!Reader (Smut).

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You and your only two friends, Zanni and Cooper, had nothing better to do and it was a boring friday night. No one was throwing any parties, no one was going out and having fun, in fact, no one was doing anything. It was officially the end of the school day and the familiar voice of Cooper had broken into your thoughts of future plans for today. "Hey, uh y\n, school is over dude.", you smile at his voice and turn to him, "Yeah yeah, I'm not dumb, Coop." you jokingly act offended at his words, which creates a laugh between you two. "Hi y\n, hi Coop." Zanni says happily, you and Cooper greet her at almost the same time, and then you all start walking down the halls. "Do you guys wanna like, come over and do something?" Cooper asks as he looks at you and then Zanni, and back to you. Both you and Zanni smile at him and agree, you start blushing. The three of you walk with Cooper to his house and talk about all of the things you guys could do this weekend, almost like a group of kids would. Hey, maybe we could go to the mall and buy all the good cd's there." you suggest, your suggestion was met with a happy expression from Cooper and an excited one from Zanni. You all finally make it into the Day household, greeting Mrs and Mr Day on your way up to Coopers room, saying hi to Nathan and Natalie on your guys's way up the stairs. Making yourselves at home immediately after going into his room, you and Zanni had been in here like 100 times already, you always made yourself comfy and read what he last wrote or listened to his cd's or sometimes even looked through his belongings for fun. "So, what. are we gonna do now?" Zanni asks as she looks over to you and Cooper, "Hold on, I have some money in here and we can do what y\n said, about the cd's and stuff, I can get us slushies after or something.", and like that, Cooper goes to retrieve his cash that he had laying on the floor of his slightly messy room, once he comes bacm with the money you all flee to the mall. Once you, Cooper, and Zanni made it to the mall you run straight for the FYE, they always have cd's there, Cooper grabs an interpol cd and shows you, then he shows Zanni, his smile is so wide he looks like he could be faking it, but it's way too genuine to be faked. You and Zanni start searching for your own cd's and find a few, and Cooper finds a few more, and like that, you're all walking out. Zanni gets a call soon after, you watch her answer her phone with a sigh, " Mom I am with Coop and y\n, no we're not doing anything stupid, we're at a mall! Fine." she ends her call and puts her phone in her jean pocket, "Guys, sorry but my mom said I gotta go, can we meet for slushies tomorrow?" she says with a sincerely apolegetic look on her face, when Cooper answers quickly with a "Sure! See you later Zanni.", you just wave at her and smile. Just the two of you, he walks back to his house with you, he's all blushy and smiley this time. Suddenly, he notices how dark it is and you both run into his house giggling, maybe something inside both of you knew his parents wouldn't like it if you were late for a dinner or something like that. You both walk into Coopers house, making your way upstairs to his room you let him know you'll be sleeping over and just need to put on some other clothes, asking to borrow his. He smiles kind of shyly and just barely mutters out a "Yeah.", he's so flustered for no reason, but he's so cute that it doesn't even bother you. "Y\n, i'm like really tired today, so when you put on your clothes can we just sleep or something?" he asks. You answer him the way you have to all the time, "Of course, Coop.", he's always tired early on fridays, and it never bothered you to sleep in his bed, you had a crush on him anyways, so being close to him and feeling his warmth on you was more a blessing than anything else. Once you come out of his room fully clothed in HIS clothing, he gets super flushed and just looks you up and down, not noticable though. Now you do the parts you loved to do. You play his favorite cd on a quiet volume and talk him to sleep.

Now he's sleeping. You feel Cooper breathe behind you, and kinda hear it too, what a comforting thing to know Cooper is just there peacefully. Well maybe not too peacefully for long, because as soon as you pull some of his blanket near you, his breath hitches and he cuddles into you. You try to pull more blanket towards you, choosing to ignore his odd breath there, you fall fast asleep to the music and the small faint sounds of Cooper breathing behind you. You are fully asleep now, and feel something start moving back and forth on your ass, this doesn't bother you at first as you don't even feel it much. It gets faster though, and then Cooper whimpers, that's when you wake up, and Cooper does not stop, he keeps whimpering, groaning, and humping. This almost causes you to moan, this has to end now, it was making you to horny. "Coop." you loud-whisper at the sleeping boy, who now aches for friction. "Cooper, wake up!" you rock him at the shoulders with your hands, he actually wakes up this time, in full embarrasment and the boner he knows he has. He half tiredly asks about what it is you woke him up for, even though he might know the answer. You try to tell him in the least awkward way possible, "You, uhh, humped me in your sleep. You should, like, take care of your, situation. I mean that in the least awkward way ever.". He just blushes and walks over to his door, before opening it he apologizes, to which you tell him it's not really that big of a deal, even though it was, you felt lying to him would be easier in this moment. Cooper quickly runs down his stairs to fix his 'situation'. He thinks of everything about you that turns him on and starts rubbing his dick, he even thinks about if you were doing it to him instead of himself. Nothing was warking, he'd get close and it just wouldn't cum, he was taking longer than usual, and to you p, he was taking too long in general. You sneak downstairs and knock on the bathroom door, hearing Cooper and his breathy moans. Even though you know what he's doing, and how he is busy, you still hope he will just open the door. " G-Gimme a second y\n, I think I might be close.". Cooper is in need of help and he was starting to notice. He opens the door halway, with his shirt covering his dick, and his face being sweaty. "Do you want help, Coop?" you ask him, just wanting to help his raging erection, maybe he'll fall asleep happy. He pathetically nods and opens the door more, you sneak in you and shut the door softly. He looks so distressed it's almost sad, "Hey, it's ok Cooper, i'm gonna make you feel so good, ok, don't even worry.". These words alone almost make him cum.

He looks a bit less frusterated, he tries to cal down as you lower your lap onto his extremely erect penis. You tried to not be worried as you lower yourself down onto Coopers 7 inches, hard and big, although it made you want to please him more. "Please can you ride me, please I just want to cum, you're so fucking hot and-" you shut him up by starting ride him as he asked, up and down on his cock. Making Cooper go crazy, he was starting to moan, you had to cover his mouth since his parents were in the next room over, and you chose to bite into his shirt in order to muffle the sounds made from how pleasing he felt. Cooper keeps hitching his breath and complimenting you, letting you know he doesn't just want you for sex. You play with his hair as you ride him, going more fast than before. Cooper starts to get closer and closer, and he finally makes it into his orgasm, you are reaching your climax as well. You ride out both of your orgasms as he smiles at you while cumming more than he thought he would, he loudly groans "FUCK!" and then quiets himself as much as he can, "Fuck y\n, you were so good.". Making you smile as you felt validated by the guy you like that also happens to be your best friend ever. "Cooper, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" you ask, more bold than before. He answers happily "Yes I do.", then he sloppily kisses you. You both walk up back into Coopers bedroom, laying on his bed, you snuggle into his chest. "We should do that again sometime y\n. You were REALLY good." he says, with a blush on his face, still panting a bit from when you completely ruined him and the virginity you took. You smile at him and kiss his lips, happy that your first time was with Cooper. "Anytime, maybe i'll have a wet dream about you next time.". And you both lay together as two horny, but really happy, lovers.

edging my heating pad by turning it off and on again so it doesn't auto shut off and stays hot

First I gyatt your brother, now I rizz you. Skibidi, my friend!

yeah idk what you're saying to me, but check out one of my favorite pokemon cards!

This is a perfect definition of my life atm 🙃👍🥳👏👏👏👏

milkvans get over it ur ship is mid

oh hot damn!

bestie WHAT cocaine ref in midnights, i totally missed it! 😭

Vigilante Shit - “while he was doing lines and crossing all of mine” is about doing cocaine, which is often cut into thin lines before snorting it, such that “doing lines” is slang in english for doing coke.

Was talking to a group of junior high kids and the topic of personal aesthetic came up and I (in my apparent old peopleness) said that one of the girls in the circle gave me VSCO girl energy. I have been informed that that is not a thing now. What I wanna know is who was supposed to send the email to my millennial butt that VSCO is now called coconut vibes?!?

I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate the influence tik tok has had where people will c3nsor w0rds un3c3ss3rily l!k3 th!s like it’s fucking unreadable and it’s not like it’s productive or helpful in any way. Also I have to imagine it’s awful for screen readers. 

BIRD UP!

Erm... hi?

thank you so much for including a transcript with the harpocrates clip but in future, if youre transcribing something w cursing in it that isn't censored the transcript shouldnt censor it /nm and ty again for transcribing at all

No problemo!

Got a couple questions / comments about the cursing thing though (some more polite than others) so I might as well clarify this here: I'm not "censoring" things because I think someone's going to explode if they see a curse word (it's the internet, after all), but there is a personal reason and I'd prefer not to elaborate further than that. I'm just running this blog and sharing my clips for fun, not as a job, so I hope people can understand / respect that!

That being said, I do appreciate the feedback and I'm not gonna stop adding transcripts to things since I personally find them helpful and I know they help other people too.

YOU GUYS WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME AHAHHCXWBJHSGQSIXB

so story time

I'm in my parents room taking a drink of my soda, as I had to take my medication.. As I did I looked at the tv screen, my dad flipping through Netflix shows.

SUDDENLY THE SHOW "How to build a SEX ROOM" SHOWED UP

I FUCKING INHALED MY SODA

I DIDN'T SPIT

I FUCKING CHOKED .

TW for mentioning of sex I guess; (its not really bad its more funny tbh)

i had no idea what the fuck a "sex room" even was so I looked it up on the urban dictionary website.

And so as I'm scrolling down, I find the definition , but I kept scrolling down, curios as to why the website page was so long

THE MORE I SCROLLED DOWN

I FOUND

GAY DRESSING ROOM STORIES

ON THE FUCKING

URBAN DICTIONARY WEBSITE

HELP???

DUDE WHAT EVEN WAS THAT

IM NOT EVEN LYING IF I NEED TO PROVE IT I FUCKING WILL

Hi sorry I’m really confused about what you mean by sex related. I didn’t ask for sex related, I asked nsfw alphabet for Yamato Tenzou. I’m not trying to be mean I’m just confused.

i am not sure if you know this but nsfw stands for not safe for work. if you go back to the nsfw list, you can see it's all sexual. that is why we divide things into sfw (safe for work) and nsfw.

and as i have stated in my rules, i don't write sexual stuff which means no smut and no nsfw alphabets, etc.