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ryin-silverfish · 13 days

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LMK Fanfic: The Wild Son

AO3 Mirror

Nezha-centric one-shot. Or, "how the Third Lotus Prince learns to stop worrying and enjoy the exploration of death."

CW for suicide and extensive discussions of it. Similar to my previous story, this is very FSYY-inspired, which is shorthand for "pretty fucked-up".

Y'know, with the novel's version of Nezha's suicide being the most graphic and all.

...

The Devaraja of the North has a wild son, who bows not to his father, only the Buddha. The Buddha knows of his stubborn unreason, and sets upon his father's left hand, a pagoda.

——Su Zhe, "Nezha"

Over the years, he had really come to loathe That Look.

You know, when these brats (technically, all mortals are kids to him) learned of his suicide and just gaped at him in wide-eyed horror. Usually followed by an "I'm so sorry" or "It's not your fault" or the slightly less grating "Man, your father sucks."

Duh, Dragonhorse Girl. Duh. But anyone who talked shit about Li Jing was in his good books, and he could at least appreciate Mei's straightforward nature.

Still, whatever prior impressions he left, he knew he was now seven years old and hurting again in their eyes, and would never stop being so.

And it drove him nuts, because 1) it didn't even hurt all that much, and 2) why is offing yourself suddenly such a big deal? Apart from some ol' Confucian bores' rants about unfilial conduct, no participants in the War of Investiture had ever batted an eye at his death and resurrection; the problem was with what he did immediately afterward.

That said, death in the War of Investiture wasn't final, logical, or that big a deal either, until it suddenly was.

...

Unlike killing, death didn't get less confusing even after you've kicked the bucket once. Nor was spending your time as a spooky ghost and getting your godhood rudely interrupted helpful, when it came to understanding the boundary between gods and ghosts, and how some people could come back but not the others.

Well, according to The Patricidal 7-years-old's Guide to Death and Deification:

People die when they get killed.

At which point they turn into a ghost, and float around going "Woe is meeeeee!" for a while before moving on to their next lives.

Unless they don't want to move on. In that case, they just haunt the living out of spite, and to get free stuff.

But wait! If enough people treat the ghost like a god and give them offerings, they'll become one and...dunno, make a new body outta faith or something.

If someone's name is on The List, it's totally okay to kill them because they'll become gods after death.

Wait, isn't that dragon prince's name on The List too? Then why is his dad so angry when he killed him?

And sometimes, a Daoist master just pops a pill into the recently dead guy's mouth and they are alive again.

It took him a surprisingly long time to realize that The List was not all it's cracked up to be, and was basically the Poor Man's Godhood. Or that knowing someone would come back in the end didn't make their absence hurt any less. Or that they could come back, but would remain forever out of reach, shackled by the duties of godhood and the chains of causes and consequences.

And even when a quick resurrection was possible, every death scarred the soul, making it fray and tear at the seams. Seven was the maximum. After dying and coming back seven times like poor Senior Uncle Jiang Ziya, not even The List could take your soul without it exploding into a billion little ghostfires that had more in common with ambience Qi than any living spirits.

He wondered if his inability to understand this fuss around offing yourself had something to do with a scar, too.

But which one? Was it the first and most gruesome one, where returning your flesh and blood also meant ripping out the itty bitty pieces of souls that were embedded in them, clinging to your father and mother like muscle membranes on a bone? Was it the one that looked like an ugly crack on a gilded statue, widening, spreading, until it shattered altogether? Was it not a single scar, but a bunch of little holes in his essence, like wormbites on a leaf, or a pool of oozing sludge left by the Blood-melting Knife?

Assuming he still had a soul in the first place, of course. Maybe instead of a soul, there's only one huge patch of scar tissue where his three souls and seven spirits used to be, red and fibrous and angry.

Yeah, try pulling *that* out of his body with a spell, suckers.

...

A popular god gains new domains like new year gifts. Namely, you seldom receive the ones you want, are stuck with the ones you were tired of, and have no idea where that pile over there even came from.

Sun Wukong shared a domain with him as the protector of youth, a fact he was strangely okay with. He took the silly and mischievous ones, while Nezha dealt with the moody, rebellious ones. An amicable arrangement, as far as dispute between overlapping domains went; were they ever to switch places, the result would be a disaster.

This, however, was when a joint operation would be really helpful.

Alas, he had no such luck. So here he was, sitting in the Megapolis Children's Hospital's inpatient ward, next to a girl with owl-like eyes and tubes inside her nose, who asked him "Being dead, what does that even mean?"

...

Nothing, 'cause it's something that happens to other people. That was how he would have answered this question, back when he was still a real kid, and not an 18-foot-tall immortal plant construct who could choose to look like a kid.

He did wish people would recognize him as something other than "god of youth", though. Or realize his older forms existed too. Somehow, when Jinzha's master appeared as a little boy with five hair buns, people didn't stop worshipping Old Dude Wenshu or Graceful Bodhisattva Wenshu, but one too many adaptations later, Nezha was just THE Kid God, and not also the Three-headed Six-armed War God of Setting Things On Fire.

Bah.

But this was about Nezha the human (was he ever human, though, with the whole Spirit Pearl thing?) and Nezha the kid, not Nezha, Marshal of the Central Altar. Who didn't quite realize death was real, as in, a thing you should try to avoid for both yourself and others, and had been told that it was his destiny to dish out death to people in some epic upcoming war.

Master Taiyi, bless the old immortal, was a perfect case of someone who clearly cared so much, yet still managed to fuck up so badly.

For all his grudges against Jinzha's master (less about the whipping, and more about his damn cat killing the Jade Emperor), Wenshu made some good points: You did not tell a kid that you would protect him from all the consequences of his actions, then set him loose and expect him to not wreak havoc on unintended targets.

...

"What do you mean?"

He'd admit, this was not his finest hour. You weren't supposed to answer a question with a question, at least not in a way that didn't make you seem all mysterious and wise.

"I..." She trailed off. "I mean, I feel dead people all the time. Brushing past me, being all chilly and stuff. Since I'm gonna be joining you guys soon, I just wanna know...how it's like." The corner of her mouth twitched; either a grimace, or an attempt at smiling. "And you feel nicer than the others. Warmer, too."

He was no god of medicine, no matter how much he wished he could be one right now. Yet he could see the flames of her three souls, dimming with every passing second, as well as the blocks in her Qi flow, with one right behind her eyelids. Her sight was already gone, and in a week, these flames would go out entirely.

Sickness, he could heal, but not a passing ordained by the Book of Life and Death. As tempting as it was to pull a Sun Wukong, if he was to remove the name of one person, what was stopping him from removing another? And another? Before he knew, he'd be striking the name of every good person off it, and only chaos could result from that.

His gaze shifted to a small charm, fastened onto the bedframes with red strings. Made of peachwood, glowing gently in his vision, accompanied by the wisps of a prayer. Please watch over her, and take away her pain. Please don't let her face this alone.

Slowly, he extended a hand towards her, a tiny spark of pink flame dancing on his fingertip. If there were still ghosts in this room that hadn't fled when he first came in, they were definitely gone by now, as the darkness dispered in a surge of Yang-aligned Qi.

"...Wow." She visibly relaxed, with a sigh. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Are you...also a kid, when you...you know? You sound like one."

"Yeah. But I've been dead for a long time. Long before this hospital was built." He let out a dry laugh. "I guess you could say I'm a professional at this whole 'death' thing."

"Huh. I thought after a while, people just...move on."

"They do, if they aren't trying to avoid the ghost cops. The Heibai Wuchang," he said. "Nowadays, they dress like cops too, but they show up for everyone, to take them to the Underworld. Not just bad ghosts that need to be arrested."

"What's the Underworld like?"

"Dunno. Never been down there." This was partially true. At the time of his death, the Underworld bureaucracy did not exist yet. Most of his knowledge of its workings came from chatting with Huang Tianhua, whose father was deified as the King of Mt.Tai, former head of the Ten Kings. "But you seem like a good egg, so they would send you straight to the Naihe Bridge, and onto your next life."

"That's...good to hear," she said. "I wanna know more about the, uh, ghost part, though. Does it stop hurting when you die? I've been...hurting for so long, I'm starting to forget what it's like, before...this."

"Yeah, the pain stops," he answered, "but so does everything else. You just stop feeling things altogether. Smell, touch, warm and cold and all that jazz." He paused. "Being a ghost is very, very boring."

"And you still don't wanna go with the ghost cops?"

"Well, I killed myself, and that gets you stuck in the City of Wrongful Death." He blurted out, before realizing that this was the worse moment to be honest, and braced himself for the awkwardness to come.

"Sounds like an awful place."

"Pretty much. They said it was just full of depressed ghosts, being depressing together," he chuckled. "Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll pass."

"Glad I didn't...go through with it, then." She said, then quietly added, "I nearly did, when the pain got too much, and the cost just kept rising."

Well, that wasn't quite what he expected. But he wasn't too surprised, either.

...

They thought his suicide was an act of despair. It was insulting, honestly. Both to the strength of his will and spite, and his unconventional problem solving skills.

See, when people said that your body and skin and hair were given to you by your parents, the implicit message was So you can't do anything to them, and They own you, every bit of you, and above all, Obey.

You weren't supposed to give them back, not so flippantly. Yet it was the simplest, most obvious solution, in the same way beating up the dragon king who tried to sue you was. (Guess he really was Taiyi's student.)

At the heat of the moment, it was quite thrilling. Almost liberating. Like a snake shedding its skin, a baby bird breaking out of its eggshells. As the raging storm and roaring tides drowned out Fate and Destiny's ever-tolling bells, for a second, he really felt like this was the end.

No more Spirit Pearl, no more unruly child, woe of his mother, doom of his lineage. No more Li Jing, no more questionable advices from Taiyi, no stupid dragon kings, and none of that Vanguard of the Zhou Army crap. Just a kid sacrificing himself, laughing and laughing until he chocked on his own blood.

Just Nezha.

But obviously, things didn't end here. Death rarely was the true end, nor did it tie things up neatly, like cutting through a knot with a sword. It was more akin to what you got when you broke a lotus root in half, full of sticky, near-invisible threads, stretching on and on between the scattered pieces.

...

Believe it or not, this wasn't the first time he had to deal with suicide, kids, or suicidal kids. Especially after gaining one of his more recent domains. He is the protector of all young people, regardless of who they fancy or whether their bodies match their souls, it was just that those who didn't fit the common denominator tended to get a lot of shit for existing.

(As annoying as the "Third Princess" nickname was, he had no problem with people finding strength and comfort in his legends, in severing ties, defying norms, and blossoming inside a changed body. After all, that was what gods were; a mirror that reflected the worshippers' beliefs and needs back at them.)

A few decades ago, he was summoned by a teen, standing on the bank of a river, holding a stick of incense. Dunno where, just that it was a Hokkien-speaking area and one of his temples was nearby.

They gave him a hopeful look when he showed up, emerging out of the water like an actual lotus plant, yet remaining miraculously dry. As hopeful as someone in their circumstance could manage, at least.

"Is it okay if I ask you to curse my parents?"

"If that's what you want, you are praying to the wrong god," he replied. "And the kind of gods who accept such requests will make you pay a price you are never ready for."

"Damn. Guess I'll just have to come back and haunt them myself, then."

They knelt down to stick the incense into the mud, then started wading their way into the shallows. He sighed, and they were promptly dragged back by his red sash, struggling furiously.

"Let go of me!" They screamed, muddy water splashing beneath their sneakers. "W-Why? I don't get it! Why are YOU stopping me? You, of all gods! The child who hacked himself to pieces, and tried to kill his asshole dad——"

"And got a burning pagoda dropped on him for his troubles." He said flatly. "Need I remind you that it all took place a thousand years ago, and I'm no longer out for his blood?"

"Oh, so they'd beaten it out of you! Good for you, I guess." They snapped. "But not me. Why would you even care if a freak like me died or not?"

"gin-na, you just admit you are gonna become a vengeful spirit. And I literally have 'subduing demons and harmful spirits' in my job description. So maybe, maybe, I'm gonna have a problem with that?"

"Even if they totally have it coming?" They retorted. The first two buttons of their collars had come loose in the struggle, exposing the ugly patch of bruised purple around their neck, as well as implications of worse things. "I thought gods were all for karmic justice."

"Especially if they have it coming," he said. "Which is why I'm stopping you. It's not gonna work."

"What does that even mean?"

"Ugh. Look. Suppose I let you drown, without alerting any ghostly officials. Suppose that you come back, haunt your parents night and day, and don't get yourself exorcised. Suppose that you inflict on them the same torment you were subjected to, and drive them to madness or some other gruesome ends." He said. "Then what? What are you gonna do afterwards?"

"I'll just...move on, I guess."

"To do that, you 'll have to cross the Naihe Bridge. And the Underworld officials won't let you off the hook that easily, not after you've accumulated all this negative karma by haunting the living." He shook his head. "I heard they take 'Hell is other people' quite literally, and punish people who hated each other by throwing both parties into the same Minor Hell, giving them a pile of lethal weapons, and resurrecting whichever side that gets killed. Over and over again."

He leaned closer. "Is that what you really want? Getting stuck in the same pit with your parents for centuries to come? Mind you, even if you get tired of the violence, you are not allowed to quit until the Underworld officials let you."

Came to think of it, that was the War of the Investiture in a nutshell. No one was allowed to quit, not even in death.

"...No," they mumbled, after a long silence. "But it's still tempting. At least I'll get to do something to them."

"Well, here's a thing you can do to them."

"What?"

"Live."

"That's it? Seriously?" They stared at him in disbelief. "Because I own it to them? Because my very existence is a mistake or something?"

"No. Because you own it to yourself," he said, "and it is only a mistake if you believe so, and if they think you are a mistake, there's no better way to prove them wrong and rub it in their faces than keep existing. Think of it like this——you ain't gonna help them get rid of you, are you?"

"Well, if you put it that way..." they paused. "But I'll still be depriving them of their favorite punching bag, at least."

"Is that what you think you are?"

"It's what I have been for the past few years."

"Yeah, sorry, but hell no. You can be way, way more than that." He grinned. "Why be a punching bag, when you can be their worst nightmare instead?"

"I thought you don't want me to haunt my parents?"

"Oh, no. You are gonna drive them nuts in a whole different manner: by growing into a successful, well-adjusted adult they no longer have any power over," his grin widened, "And watch them age into bitter, miserable old farts who'll die alone and forgotten, knowing that the moment they die, they'll be dragged straight into one of the Hells in chains, suffer for untold eons, and probably spend their next life as ants."

"That is...satisfying, not gonna lie." They bit into their lips. "But until then, I'll still be stuck with them. Thanks for the reassurance, though."

"Does that mean if I let go of you now, you aren't gonna dash into the river?"

Upon receiving a nod, he whistled, and his sash loosened around the teen, floating back onto his shoulders. They staggered back; he prepared himself, watching out for tensed muscles and all the little tells of someone who was going to make a run for it. Thankfully, he spotted none, as they retreaded their steps back onto dry land, one muddy footprint at a time.

He wasn't entirely convinced that they wouldn't change their mind later, but it was a good start. And he had just the idea to make it an even better start.

His fingers started twisting in a mudra, weaving together threads of pink and golden light into the shape of his signature seal. No, he definitely didn't enjoy the kid's quiet gasp of wonder, as a lotus-patterned token fell out of thin air and right into his hands. It wasn't like he was a show-off or anything, unlike that ape.

"Here. Take this. Go to—" He paused and cursed himself. Dammit, he kept forgetting that mortals couldn't just sense temples and their giant beacons of faith. "Do you know there's a temple over there?" He pointed east, "Like, in that direction?"

"You mean Taizi Gong? Yeah." They nodded. "Grandma used to take me there."

"If you ever need a meal, or a place to stay the night, just show this token to the staff, and they'll help you out." He narrowed his eyes, and said the next sentence very slowly. "Also, if your life is ever in serious danger, like, no-time-to-call-the-cops danger, just hold it tight, say my name, and point it at whatever is threatening you. Do. Not. Use. It. Lightly. Understood?"

He intentionally let out a bit of his killer aura, as he uttered the last few words. Not hard to muster, considering the circumstances that first drove him to develop this token system. It was always awful when he was too late in his interventions, but he swore to the Three Pure Ones, if anyone ever triggered the spell with a prank call, when he arrived at the scene, they'd wish they got caught in the explosions instead.

They paled and nodded in quick succession, then started to turn away. Before remembering something, and coming to a halt mid-step.

"I...I don't even know how to thank you." They shook their head. "If it was too early for that. If 'Thanks' is even enough. But if you are right and I do find my way out of this mess, I'm building you a temple, Third Prince."

...

A temple. Build me a temple, mother. Build me a temple, mother, for I'm cold without a body, hungry without a stomach. He remembered himself crying out, once. Build me a temple so I can be back at your side again, isn't that what you want? What you said you would give up everything for, as you picked up my pieces and buried them in a shallow grave?

Build me a temple, or you'll never know peace again.

The most frustrating part wasn't how much he sounded like the sorts of ghosts he'd beat up later, a lot, as Marshal of the Central Altar. It was the lack of context. As in, there was no memory of the before and after. Just words echoing in a vaccum, with neither pain nor sensations attached.

It was the same whenever he helped a mortal. It was the feeling he got when, twenty years later, he stood in front of a temple gate, watching the person in a suit cut the red ribbons during its opening ceremony, and thought, I've done something like this before, long ago, inside my first temple.

But I can't remember what it was, or for whom.

He knew that was how ghosts became gods. Three souls attracted by the fragrance of incense, seven spirits nourished by the ashes of burnt offerings. Ten shades of a person, molded back together into something more than the sum of its parts, by countless mud-stained, callused hands, clasped together in prayer.

He'd watched it happen before, on the coasts of Fujian. Little Lin Mo Niang, disappearing beneath the waves, only to rise out of the tides later as Mazu, guiding fisherfolks and sailors to shore with her gentle red light, just like she did in life.

Or maybe he had more in common with Guan Yu. The fugitive, the warrior with the might of a thousand man, the loyal companion. Who, despite his promise in the peach garden, did not die on the same day as his sworn brothers. Specifically, how his vengeance and fury used to hang over Jingzhou like a plague, how his name was once whispered in fear, before it became the synonym of loyalty, brotherhood and martial virtue.

Perhaps ghosts became gods when mortals poured pieces of themselves into them, filling up the holes in their psyche. Making them more human than they ever were, and could be.

Thanks to Li Jing's destruction of his idol, he'd never know.

That——that was what sent him onto his roaring rampage of revenge, right after reviving in his lotus body. After everything else had been bled dry, rage was all he had. Like thick black tar, sticking to the bottom of a broken jar.

...

"What stopped you?" He asked, without really knowing why.

"My legs. Literally. They don't work anymore. And I'm...gonna die anyways, it's not really worth the effort..." Her breath hitched in her throat, yet she still managed to squeeze out the last few words, "Then my mom came back."

"I...I'm still a little mad that she left in the first place, like, long before this. But she had a nice singing voice, when she wasn't crying, and," she sighed, "didn't start arguing with dad again. She said I had a new little brother, and showed me the photos...and I was just like, hey, he looks like a raisin, and they laughed, and I haven't heard either of them laugh in a long, long time..."

She was starting to look dazed, stuck in that liminal space between dream and awakeness.

"And I, I wouldn't mind hurting a lil' longer, if it means I get to have more moments like that."

What if you don't? A part of him wanted to ask. What if those moments are no more than baits on a straight hook, carrots on a stick, making it so that you are willing to hurt longer and longer until it's not even fleeting happiness you seek, just the mere promise of release?

But that was the bitterest, crueler part, and it could fuck right off.

"I'm sure they are glad to have you, too." In the end, that was all he managed to say, in a whisper she might or might not have heard, and only got a small yawn in return.

"Well, you sound like you're about to doze off. So I won't keep you up any longer," he said. "Any last questions, before I go?"

"What do you...look like?"

"Huh?"

"When I die, I'll get to...see things again, right?" She asked. "And you can't be the only kid here. Just...wanna...go over and say hello, before the ghost cops come."

"Oh, I'm very recognizable. You don't see a lot of folks with twin hair buns nowadays." He laughed softly. "And I promise you, when the time comes, I'll be right here, inside this very room."

"Thanks," she nodded. "G-G'night, ghost friend."

"Farewell, and sleep tight."

...

When did you stop being fun? Sun Wukong asked him, once.

When you started being nothing but jokes, he wanted to scream back. When you shut yourself in your cave for five hundred years to take a depression nap, while I drain just as much power answering the prayers of mortals as I get from their worship, and my true body is stuck guarding the fire that burn away worlds. When Yang Jian had stopped giving a crap about everything that happened outside of his precious Sichuan, me included.

When I grow the fuck up, monkey. We all do, sooner or later, yet you never seem to.

But then he remembered the look on Sun Wukong's face, as the mountain came down. A look he had seen on the faces of so many souls, as they were called up the Terrace of the Investiture.

It was Ao Guang clutching onto his son's tendons with trembling, scaly hands. It was his mother kneeling in the dirt, begging for his life and unlife. It was him handing Huang Tianhua's head back to Huang Feihu. The eldest of Zhao Gongming's three sisters, muttering a quiet "Sorry, brother" before she was swept away by Lao Tzu's scroll. Guang Chengzi looking Yin Jiao in the eyes, as they dragged his plow up the hill.

It was a monk postponing his Buddhahood in favor of the path of the Bodhisattva, swearing a vow that, for every life, he should learn the meaning of compassion anew, and teach it to others.

A pig who was once a marshal, too weighed down by his desires to attain enlightenment, who nonetheless went on to live a good life, full of good food and few regrets.

A soldier made into a monster after one simple mistake, who decided he was better than that, and, with quiet determination, followed his brother and master into samsara as their guardian.

It was a white dragon, destined to set things aflame and be consumed by flames, yet burning brightly all the same, a goofy grin on his face.

So he just gritted his teeth and kept on fighting. It was what he was made for, what he always did.

And it wasn't enough.

...

But when was anything ever enough? When did Fate or Destiny ever pat anyone on the head, and tell them they did a good job, and they'd be free of suffering, just like that?

When were there ever easy answers, for mortals and gods alike?

Azure Lion thought there would be one, that the right person on the throne could magically make it all better, and he shattered trying to make himself into that person.

One step at a time. One answer at a time. A promise kept, a visit made. That was how you do it.

After all, the great lump of molten colors Nüwa used to seal the cracks in the sky——they were but little pebbles too, once upon a time.

...

"Told you I'll be here." That was the first thing he said, as he unsummoned his wheels and sat down in midair, cross-legged.

"Oh. Well. I," The translucent girl let out a small laugh. She tried to scratch her head, before realizing she couldn't anymore. "I certainly wasn't imagining this, when you said 'twin hair buns'."

"Do you have reasons to, though?" He asked. "People usually don't see the Third Lotus Prince on their deathbeds."

"No. But it's pretty obvious in hindsight, with the warmth and all these little hints." She shook her head. "Dangit. Now I just feel kinda dumb. Still, it's good to see you again, sir...Third Prince?"

"Nezha would do. I suppose I make much better company than the ghost cops, right?"

Behind the hospital screen, the man wearing a tall black hat grumbled something about people not appreciating their jobs, before being cut off by a "Ha! Checkmate, Lao Fan!"

"Yeah. It's a little distracting when you were dying, and two guys were just having a chess game five feet away," she said. "The cheerful one is a better player, though."

"Only because you keep giving him tips!" The man snarked back. "How does it feel like to cheat via a dying kid, Xiao Xie? I bet you feel real proud of yourself right now."

"How does it feel like to lose to a dying kid?" His colleague laughed, sticking his tongue out way further than any living humans were capable of, or comfortable with. "She gave you tips too, you just aren't good enough to use them well. And she's good. Real good. This one thinks she may just be a chess champion in her next life!"

"Thank you, Mister Xie. I learned it from my grandpa."

It was such a blessing that these two didn't exist yet, at the time of his death. As grim and thankless as their duties were, Xie Bi'an and Fan Wujiu were also the most annoying pair of ghosts he ever met, the former taking nothing seriously and the latter taking everything way too seriously.

"Hey. You two, shut up and show some respect." He snapped, before turning to the girl. "I'm sorry you have to endure their presence."

"That's right, Xiao Xie! Even the Third Lotus Prince tires of you and your constant jesting!"

"This one thinks if we pay our proper respect to everyone that has ever died, we'll have no time to actually do our job." Xie chuckled. "Besides, he is clearly talking about the one who is constantly yelling, and incapable of losing gracefully. But alright, this one shall do as you command."

"...Let's go talk somewhere else." He sighed. "These two clowns are giving me a headache."

She giggled a little, as the screen parted with a wave of his hand, revealing the two psychopomps sitting on the nearby bed. "Their hats do look like clown hats."

"The clowns can hear you, you know?" Fan snarked, before picking up his baton and making a gesture in their direction. "Whatever. Begone. And remember our deal: you have four hours. Not a second more, not a second less. Understood?"

"Did you just admit to being a clown too?" Xie grinned. "This one does think a red nose will suit you well."

"Sometimes I seriously wonder why I ever agreed to become your sworn brother, Xiao Xie."

He led the girl out of the room, just as medical personnels started coming in, carefully concealing his presence from the mortals' eyes. The girl made a face when her hand passed through the doorframe, but quickly recovered.

"Where are we going?"

"Anywhere you like." He replied. "Your home, your old school, that really cool arcade or amusement park you never get a chance to visit...and you don't have to choose one. Distance is not a factor at all," with a blaze of pink fire, his wheels were back under his boots again, "when I'm the god of speedy drivers. So take your time."

"Hmmm. I think," she said, after a long silence, "I wanna go see my mom, and my little brother first. Is that okay?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Let's be on our way, then."

"Alright. Leeeego!"

#lego monkie kid #lmk fanfiction #nezha #lmk nezha #journey to the west #investiture of the gods

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katyawriteswhump · 2 months

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the power of love, part 12 (steddie, steve whump, stobin fic)

Alternate ending S4: Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 13

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Eddie POV

To Eddie, there’s something way too police-like about the way Hopper escorts Steve to the Humvee. He even raises a hand to check Steve doesn’t knock his head, while climbing in the rear seat. Eleven gets in the far side of Steve, and Robin piles in on the near side.

Robin shoots Eddie such a mean look and slams the armoured door. Left standing in the mud, Eddie gets it—subtle as a monster punch in his gut. Stay away from Steve.

“Let’s move.” Hopper motions urgently, and Eddie trudges over and gets in.

“You sure you want me riding shotgun? What with me being… Oh, I dunno, verified spawn of Satan?”

Hopper drops his voice to a barely audible rumble: “Whatever game you two were playing last night, I don’t wanna know.” He doesn’t sound chummy. Not actively hostile either. “I promised your uncle I’d look out for you, if I could.”

Eddie inhales sharply: “You’ve seen him? He’s okay?”

“He salvaged your six-string after the quake. He wanted me to tell you.”

Eddie snorted; cannot deny it’d played on his mind. God, Wayne knows him too damn well.

Hopper fiddles with the switches on the spartan dashboard. “Not gonna say he’s okay, because nobody in Hawkins is. Our best hope is that the military pull out when they can’t find Eleven. We still have allies, acquaintances of Owens, though their numbers are thinning fast.”

“That who we’re running to?”

Hopper has some kind of plan, which he explains as he grinds into gear. They’re heading for a remote road, where these remaining ‘allies’ have arranged further transport. “Luckily,” says Hopper, “you guys were pretty much on route.”

“We can’t stay away long,” says Eleven. “I have to go back. I can beat One, with help from friends, and…”

Eddie peeps over his shoulder, sees her staring hopefully at Steve. Who is staring glassily ahead.

“Steve?” prompts Robin. “Anything you feel like sharing.”

“Will you gimme a break? Look, I got an idea about what’s behind all this. I don’t know how much sense it’s gonna make, so…”

Nothing could’ve prepared Eddie for what Steve discloses next. “I know how nuts this must sound,” Steve says. Eddie, like the others, is temporarily stunned speechless. “That I should be… That I should’ve drowned in that lake, when I was a kid.”

“The only thing nuts,” says Robin, who’s literally cuddling him from the side, “is that you didn’t tell us this sooner.”

Steve squirms. “Honestly? It only came together in my head in the past day or so. It was like a really annoying jigsaw puzzle, and jigsaws are basically my least favorite thing ever.”

“We need to figure this out,” says Hopper. “There was no gate open to the Upside Down in 1978. Doesn’t mean Steve’s powers, if that’s what you got, aren’t linked to the Upside Down, or the experiments at Hawkins Lab. If they are, doesn’t mean they’re all bad news. Look at El.”

“I guess.” The Humvee rocks and rolls over a particularly cavernous pothole, and Steve flinches hard. “In my dreams and shit, I see this trippy… I don’t know how to describe them. They’re like a ghost or something; also, not quite a ghost. Whatever, I got this hunch they’re behind it.”

“Could be some kind of water spirit,” says Robin. “Or even a goddess. Oooh, so the Romans worshipped this water goddess, Minerva, and the ancient Celts had Sulis—"

“Be serious,” says Steve.

“I am serious. In Native American religions, water can represent a link between life and death. I wish I knew more.”

“Not sure I wanna know any of this.” Steve peeps down at El, who’s not quit staring at him. “If this is your crazy-pants frenemy after all, now would be a really good time to tell me.”

She shakes her head. “No. If I sense anything, it’s good… soft… like Mama should’ve been.”

“Oh,” says Steve. “Can you, like, see them too?”

“No.”

“Son-of-a-bitch!” bellows Hopper. The Humvee’s wheels churn uselessly in the sludgy ground. “Everyone out, apart from you.” He points at Steve. “You okay to take the wheel?”

Steve revs for about ten seconds. Eleven uses her powers to unstick the armoured vehicle, and nobody needs to shove. Trouble is, they get stuck again about ten minutes later. And again, five minutes after that. Soon after they next get going, there’s a loud metallic clunk. The Humvee chokes, splutters, and dies completely.

They all tumble out yet again, apart from Steve, who stays put, and nobody argues. Hopper props up the hood. “Munson, you any good with cars?”

“Uh, hello?” says Robin. “My moms jumpstarts her Chevette every single day.”

That distracts Steve’s guard-dog. Eddie suffers a moment of agonising indecision then pops his head in the rear seat.

“How you doing?” Eddie knows it’s a stupid question.

Steve shoots him a withering look, fluffs his messy hair. Eddie slides in beside then totally freezes up. He feels horrible about Steve’s arm in the sling, and as for the rest of it…

HE DIED! On the other hand, I died too.

Yeah, how exactly does Eddie Munson fit into this beyond-freaky legend? He hardly gives a shit— he’s not the one seeing ‘ghosts’ and, worse, starting to resemble a ghost.

“Eddie,” whispers Steve. “I might need to get away.”

“Get away?” mouths Eddie. “What do you mean? From Hopper?”

Steve’s silence is answer enough.

“Granted, the dude’s packing heat,” says Eddie. And driving a freakin’ tank. "He’s not holding you hostage.”

“I know that. God, I’m so confused.” Steve’s stopped being grouchy or fighty. Which is pretty un-Steve, and scary in itself. He curls a hand over his eyes. “I feel like I’m being… I dunno, pulled in the wrong direction.”

A power chord of fear twangs across Eddie’s every fibre. “You want us to go back to Hawkins?”

“Us?” Steve emerges from behind his fingers. “No. Hop’s right. You’d be arrested and I’d be… Ugh, I’m so goddamn sick of this. I want this all to be over, so we can… you know, fool around together.”

He reaches out, hooks a strand of Eddie’s now-totally-mad hair behind his ear, and sorta smiles. For a single damn fine moment, that smile sparks in his eyes; Eddie loses himself there, and their world is perfect.

Then Steve’s fingers drift away. Eddie wants to catch them, kiss them, promise he’ll do anything Steve needs. He’ll take down the whole damn US army, slay Vecna in a blaze of glory, even if he dies AGAIN trying, and yet…

… Holy shit, he’s terrified of Steve! Scared that, if he touches him, he’s gonna crumble into dust, or…

“Earth to Eddie?” Steve waves in front of Eddie’s nose. “Have I added invisibility to my list of useless powers?”

“No. It’s just… I want this over too, so we can do, uh, yeeeaah, stuff.” Wow. Call yourself a lyricist, Munson? He’s rescued by a roar from the Hummer’s engine. That sleepwalker’s glaze returns to Steve’s eyes, and it feels way too much like another door swinging closed in Eddie’s face.

Although the dinged motor is fixed, the mud continues to be literally a pain in the butt. Nobody enjoys the bruisingly rough ride on the rock-hard, upholstery-free seats.

“At this rate, we’re gonna have to ditch this piece of garbage and walk,” says Hopper.

“Jesus Christ, just ditch me already,” mutters Steve, who’s turned a disturbing shade of gray-green. Hopper doesn’t argue, which makes Eddie think he isn’t taking all that Steve says seriously. Which makes Eddie feel kinda sick, too.

What should they do? He wishes he could talk to Steve alone again, this time be less of a tongue-tied dipshit. That said, how can Steve go back to Hawkins? Right now, he can’t hardly walk.

They’re halfway across a patch of open land when they get stuck yet again. Eleven’s nearly as washed out as Steve, her nose bleeding. Hopper suggests they get the Humvee moving the traditional way.

“Shame about all that rain,” says Robin, as she, Hopper and Eddie pile out to push.

“Is that a dig?” snaps Steve, from the driver’s seat.

“Wasn’t supposed to be. Sorry. Sorry.”

They’ve barely put their backs into it, when Hopper squints into the air and curses louder than ever. A distant juddering noise reaches Eddie’s hearing.

“Oh my God,” cries Robin. “Is that—”

“Sikorsky search-and-rescue Hawks,” shouts Hopper. Yup, Eddie counts a battle-wave of ten or more. “Into the trees. Go, go, go!”

“What about our tank?” Eddie jumps on instinct to help Steve, who’s clambering out, seeming kinda dazed. Robin blocks Eddie’s path. It’s all a moot point, because Hopper’s already got to Steve.

“If they see it,” says Hopper, hustling Steve ahead of him, “chances are they’ll take a potshot.”

“I can crash them,” gasps Eleven. “Done it before.”

“Not a great idea, kiddo,” says Hopper. “They’ll know for sure it’s us, and throw everything they got into this part of the country. We’ll never make our meet.”

Eddie is scratched from head to foot by outdoor crap, before Hopper says, wheezing hard, “This’ll do.” They all get down in a bunker-like dip. Steve kneels beside Eddie, Hopper behind them. Robin shuffles around to crouch beside Steve.

“Do you hear that?” murmurs Steve to Eddie.

“Uh, yeah,” replies Eddie. “Evil empire TIE fighters, straight outta the Death Star.”

“Not them. A river or something. Loud. Like a waterfall.”

“Could be a giant bear taking a slash?” says Eddie, because life is currently so unfunny, he really might as well. And no, he can’t hear any water. Only the crescendoing approach of that airborne death squad.

“Bears have gotten so far down my ‘worry about’ list,” says Robin, “that that’s scary itself.” She picks a cobweb out of Steve’s hair. Steve, meanwhile, closes his eyes. He starts to tremble. “Uh, Steve,” says Robin, “what are you—”

“What d’you think I’m doing?” Bitchy Steve has returned, which Eddie chooses to find reassuring. “They’ll see the Hummer for sure. If I can actually do what you say I did—”

“It makes you sick,” hisses Eddie.

Robin bristles. “Since when did you care?”

“Will you both zip it?” says Steve.

Robin rubs his back. Eddie considers squeezing his knee, then decides against it. Hopper stops scrutinising the skies, brow furrowing: “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing!” Robin’s overwrought smile is stupidly guilty.

“Stevie?” prompts Eddie. “Is there anything we—”

“No, no. I remember this insane crackling. If I can get that going… Gnnng!”

“Anger helps,” whispers Eleven, from the far side of Robin. “What makes you angry?”

“A ton of shit! I can’t… Jesus, it feels like my head’s gonna explode.”

There’s a blinding flash, and a deafening thunderclap. Steve crumples forward, and Hopper grabs him by the scruff of his sweater before he hits the dirt. Eddie shrinks back, his own heart beating like it’s gonna bust outta his chest.

Steve’s now basically hyperventilating. “Ssssh, you did great.” Hopper gently braces an arm around him. “You gotta calm down. Breathe slower, nice and steady, huh?”

Eddie glances up at a bank of wispy grey clouds that hadn’t been there before. A few tense moments pass, the air palpably crackling with an electric tension. Then the noise from the choppers begins to fade.

“They’re turning around,” says Hopper. “Hawks can’t fly with lightning around.”

Robin’s shoulders sink with a relief Eddie shares. Steve, however, groans miserably. Hopper is still keeping Steve upright and asks, “You gonna puke?”

Steve scrunches his face and nods.

“Stop goggling and get lost,” says Hopper to the others. Nobody disobeys. They’ve not gone a dozen yards, before Robin trips and falls on her face. As Eddie stoops to help her, she springs back up without aid. Far more shockingly, she throws her arms around Eddie’s neck:

“Oh my God, oh my God, I know the powers are awesome but he’s sick and I’m so scared he’s dying. What do we do? How can we help him? WHAT DO WE DO?”

All Eddie can do is press his cheek to her hair, and answer with an honesty that jack-knifes through his guts. “I don’t know, Robin. I haven’t a goddamn clue.”

Part 13

...

PS--In case anybody's worried... while there is plenty of trauma ahead, I only do happy endings ;)

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 13

#steddie #steve harrington #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steve harrington whump #steddie fanfic #stranger things fanfic #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson #stobin friendship #platonic stobin #stobin fic #stobin

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ladykailitha · 7 months

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WIP Wednesday Game

It’s WIP Wednesday, time for a little accountability, sharing your work, and getting a kick in the pants.

Here’s how it works:

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

If you’re reading this, you’re invited!

If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

Stole this from @kedreeva because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to work on. My only problem is that I tend to file name what the title is so I can find it easier, so...here’s what they were called before I titled them.

"File" Names

Boy w/a Bat

Soulmate AU

Werewolf!Steve/Vampire!Eddie

Tattoo Artist Steve

Grief -a story about Eddie's grandma dying and Steve being there for him (I started writing it because my nieces' grandma passed away yesterday).

Snippet

Grief

“It’s Uncle Wayne’s mom, my grandma,” he explained, clutching Steve’s shirt like a life line. “She was just the sweetest old lady and now she’s gone. I’m going to miss her.”

“Oh, Eds,” Steve murmured. “I’m sorry. That must just be awful for you. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”

Eddie chuckled into Steve’s work vest. “Too bad you can’t come with. I think I’d feel braver about seeing all Dad’s family again if you were there.”

Steve grabbed his biceps and pushed him back gently. “Done.”

Eddie stuttered and sputtered. “Stevie, no...”

Steve picked up the phone on the counter and dialed a number. “Stevie yes.”

Here we go! It's time for WIP Wednesday that most wonderful time of the week. Send me asks. As many as you want as often as you want. I run it from 8am-11pm MST. Go nuts, have fun! I know I do!

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #wip wednesday

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paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 · 6 months

Note

Thanks for the previous answers, take your time me and the questions aren’t going anywhere lol

1: even though mar’i wouldn’t dye her hair, what color would she use if she wants too; the full hair or just a little like the boys?

2: your buddy spider-jaysart drew a character named Meredith, who is she? Is she an oc based on Jake’s wife at the end of Nightwing: the new order?

3: you probably heard the phrase: let’s kick some butt, out of the duo, who’s more likely to literally kick somebody in the booty?

4: have they ever got hit in the crotch before, either on accident or on purpose? Maybe kicking a soccer ball or playing catch with a baseball and aimed too high/low.

6: Kon, Tim, Jon, Chris, Jake, & Damian went bowling, who won between the six of them; either by themselves, supers vs bats, or “super-sons,” super-sons, and starburst, loser(s) buy lunch.

1. Either with full or partial hair dye, I can see Mar’i choose red as her color of choice since it helps her match with her mother and Uncle Ryand’r in her own unique way.

2. She was indeed based on the woman Jake was married to in New Order but since that woman was blank slate, it allowed me the opportunity to forge a character around her, hence Meredith Robinson. She’s one of Jake’s classmates at Bludhaven Academy and either one of the main cheerleaders or even a female player (as I Headcanon the basketball league Bludhaven Academy is attached having unisex teams) for the school team. Her personality is a simple yet easy one to grasp: spunky, energetic, lives for adventure, understanding, considerate and brave in the face of intense danger. For a hobby, besides basketball, Meredith also likes to try out gymnastics and is a major fan of Godzilla films.

3. Oh for sure Jake beyond doubt. After all, being raised in Bludhaven and having Robins for both his Father and his Uncle, it’s kinda bit a given of Jake learning how to fight dirty and literally kicking butt is among the ways of doing so lol.

4. Actually, both Chris and Jake have had unfortunate experiences with nut shots. Primarily during times of battles against equally strong opponents; although there have been some cases during which Chris was wearing a red solar watch at school and after telling off a bully or two to leave his classmates be, the poor kid received a nut shot in retaliation to said telling off. Chris thankfully only had just that and not much worse. Oh and yes, there’s guaranteed of accidental nut shots Jake received during basketball practice if he lets his eyes off the ball for a given amount of seconds

5. Individually, Conner scored first place partially and secretly using his Tactile Telekinesis to steer the ball to score strikes, a practice Jon picked up and call him out on after the game was finished. As for Supers vs Bats, once again the Supers won even without Conner’s TT but only by one or two points and as for the final game, Team YJ came up on top with the Starburst Duo at last by a mere three points. Chris can be no doubt heard grumbling as he fetched out his wallet for his credits cards while Jake was writing down the orders

(Phew) it was a bit @gothicghost2000 but it was so worth it :-D

#chris kent #jake grayson #mari grayson #meredith robinson #connor kent #starburst duo

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relevant-url-incoming · 2 months

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all i know is how to make vaguely shippy story snippets. anyway. spoilers-ish for the companion quests with Corso, right off the bat, though honestly if you don't know it won't make much sense anyway I think? it's super minor. anyway have Corso and my smuggler totally not being gay for each other or anything, along with hints of said smuggler's very concerning past

Corso thought he'd be alone out here, but that didn't mean it was a surprise when he heard footsteps. It was the captain, of course.

“Can’t sleep?” the captain asked.

“Can’t stop thinking about those Balmorrans,” Corso said. “I guess you put it out of your mind.”

“No,” the captain said. “No, I don’t think I can.”

He settled into the seat on the other side of the cockpit. For a crazy second, Corso wished he was closer.

“It happens,” the captain said at length. “We all put on somebody else’s uniform, and just hope our allies will be smart enough to ask questions before they shoot. Wish Magar had thought to say anything, but I know how living like that warps your head. All you ever see is the blaster in front of you.”

“You’re never gonna tell me where you grew up, living like that. Are you?”

He smiled faintly, looking over his shoulder at Corso.

“We travelled,” he said. “Look, Corso – don’t let it go. Learn from it. But don’t let it eat you alive, either. That’s the best way to get yourself killed before you ever meet the wrong end of a weapon, the slow death of guilt. No way to live. No way to die, either.”

“What about you?” Corso blurted before he could think better of it. “You have any guilt to live with?”

“Too much,” the captain said. “And I’m the kind of idiot who borrows other people’s guilt, too. Don’t do it, all right? One moron on this crew is enough.”

Corso couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you, captain,” he said.

“Yeah, well,” he said. “It’s better that way. You know I’ve got a name, right?”

The sudden belligerence didn’t fool Corso one bit.

“Sure,” he said. “You finally gonna tell me it?”

He scowled, looking away.

“It’s Nalyan,” he mumbled. “Guess I ought to – I mean, you people all seem to want to stick around. Can’t have you just calling me ‘captain’ all the time. I don’t actually have that big an ego.”

“No, it just helps keep people at arm’s length,” Corso said. At Nalyan’s glare, he held up his hands. “Look, I’ve had a long time to pick apart your act!”

Nalyan snorted.

“Whatever.”

“Nalyan,” Corso said, testing it out on his tongue. “Suits you.”

“Yeah, well,” he said. “If I knew who named me that, I’d pass it along.”

“It wasn’t your dad?” Corso asked, turning his body fully to face him. He was surprised. Nalyan’s dad was all he ever talked about, practically. The dad, the sister, the cousins. Never any specifics about Nalyan outside how he was with them.

“Nah,” Nalyan said. “I’m adopted. Didn’t I say that sometime? One of my cousins is Pantoran. Shiny’s Nautolan. Dad went nuts when she was about eight because he found out she was supposed to be swimming regularly but we all lived on a spaceship. Now there was a man who never expected to have kids.”

Corso nodded along, unable to stop looking at Nalyan. It was like he was a different person all of a sudden – there was the surly captain making jokes at everyone’s expense, refusing to even give his name to people he worked with and trusted, and then there was Nalyan. He lit up talking about his family, telling Corso about something he and his kid sister had gotten up to when their dad and uncle left them alone with the ship.

“And I mean, in my defence, I never said we should blow the place up,” Nalyan continued, waving his hands animatedly. “I mean, I made sure we cleared the place out first, so if anything, I was the good guy in that scenario. And she’s always been good with explosives, so it’s not like we were at risk.”

“Your dad chewed you out pretty good for that one, huh?” Corso asked.

“My uncle,” Nalyan said glumly. “Three hours of shouting. It wasn’t a big deal, but then Dad swoops in when he’s done with the litany of rules we broke – not mad, just disappointed, he says, but he’s practically shaking with it – and then Dad tells Uncle Fives he’s in charge of discipline. You ever had to clean an entire ship with a Rodian toothbrush?”

“Your family loves a nickname, huh?” Corso asked. Nalyan’s face shuttered. Corso shouldn’t have felt as disappointed as he did. He knew the captain wasn’t going to stay open and happy forever. Wasn’t in his nature.

“Yeah, they do,” Nalyan said.

Corso had wanted to ask if Nalyan had one, but he didn’t think the captain would be forthcoming if he did. He settled back in his seat, trying to think of something else he could say. He didn’t want Nalyan to disappear again.

“I’m gonna tell Risha my name tomorrow,” Nalyan mumbled, startling Corso. “But you don’t have to, I don’t know, keep quiet about it or anything. With the rest of the crew.”

“Captain,” Corso said, trying not to laugh. “Are you asking me to make the introductions for you?”

“No,” he said defensively. “No, just – You can call me that! Whenever. I don’t know, I thought you’d appreciate that.”

“Well, it works pretty well for you keeping it quiet around other people,” Corso said. He couldn’t say why, but it felt strange to think that just anybody could call him Nalyan now. Like that was something Corso had to earn, so maybe he wanted to hang onto it just for himself and the rest of the crew a while.

“Yeah, fewer questions,” Nalyan murmured. “What, you don’t mind keeping a stupid little secret like that?”

Corso would keep any stupid secret his captain asked of him. He knew the captain would keep all of his.

“Hey, you know I got your back,” he said, trying to sound easy about it. It was hard to tell how successful he was, but at least the captain smiled.

#swtor #swtor smuggler #corso riggs #nalyan: begging to the force to let him rest #someday i'll flesh out nalyan's relationship with risha in written format but. since the game gave me that and not corso. here i am #if i cannot have the bi disaster dating sim in space i crave i will create it myself damn it #my writing #and YES they have been working together for like years now. dumbasses. nalyan is soooo stupid about his name and also caring about people #valath legacy

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cantkeepupwiththejoneses · 11 months

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Spoilers!!!!

So, I finally caught up on the dubber version of SpyxFamily. Maybe it has been a while but I feel like Anya's voice was a little higher than last time. The corny parts just had me giggling something serious. I haven't a clue as to why I get the giggles over cartoon violence. May be its the dramatization of the cause and effect. And here is where I am going to spoil a part so get ready.

The funniest violent part for me is between Loid and Yor.

They go to a bar to have a "date night".

What leads loid to meet up with Yor after work for some alone time is as we all know the entire family over thinks the process of everything that goes on around them unless they are jn their element. Well, Yor thinks that Loid will divorce her because of his coworker (associate spy) that has recently *entered the chat*. I forgot her name but she has crazy thought as well to run off and marry Loid. She has the wild fantasies and conversations in her head while holding a complete straight face. 😑

Anyway, moving on there is an episode where she pops up to assist with a new side mission. Anya as per usual hears her thoughts and goes bat shit crazy. Yor feeds off this energy and goes vat shit crazy as well. Which leads the household dynamic to falter because now Loid has to figure out why Yor is suddenly closing in on herself.

Jealousy

Loid figures it out. As per usual and tries to rectify by, taking Yor out to just hang out and clear the air.

Here we enter the bar scene.

Yor's mind is going nuts with internal monologs, causing her to spiral. Remember that, they are at a bar. So what does Yor do? Drink her cocktail in 2 or 3 gulps to give her courage. But it doesn't act quickly enough so she downs the entire bottle of scotch and of course, she is now verbalizing her internal thoughts. Loid's spy sense kick into gear and he tries to comfort Yor only to get kicked so hard he flips, yet lands perfectly.

He gets a round of applause.

He gets dizzy

Yor realizes her mistake

Loid collapses.

Fast forward to them going home for the night and Loid walks in with this giant boil looking thing on his chin from getting ninja kicked under his chin.

Uncle Fuzzy has plenty to say about that.

#spy x family #loid and anya #loidyor #sxf loid #spy x family yor #anya forger #loid forger #yor forger #bond forger

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weaselgirl · 1 year

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This has been rattling round in my head for the last week or so, and so here it is. A Steddie/Spaced AU that no one asked for and will appeal to a pretty niche market in general (Although, Tim Bisley would fucking love Stranger Things)

Ok, you were born in Kentucky on 17 September 1974 and live with your Uncle, Wayne Munson

Right

You keep an eye on the girl over the road from you, who once attempted to share your Heavy Metal magazine collection with her middle school friends. In your attempt to prevent her, you tripped over your own feet, fell down the stairs of your trailer, hitting your head, which is where you got your scar

Yup

Uhm, You have a best friend, Chrissy, who is a Sports Promoter

Uhh Yeah sort of

You have a fatal allergy to pecan nuts

Yes, I have no memory of Thanksgiving 1980. Mind you, I’ve got no memory of Thanksgiving 1994 either

Oh? Why not?

I don’t know

Right…. You are an aspiring metal guitarist and your band is called

Corroded Coffin

Corroded Coffin, yeah. Your work to date includes playing a party for your drummers, sister’s boyfriend’s birthday. You supplement the $40 you got from that by working part time at a book store called “All That Glitters

Yeah, I’m the assistant manager

Oh, how many people work for you

Oh, it’s just me and Jeff

Who’s Jeff?

He’s the manager

Hang on, you’re not one of those fantasy nerds, are you?

No?

You don’t spend your evening on the internet discussing allegory and Lord of the Rings?

Look, fantasy writers allow us to explore the full extent of the human condition. Fantasy novels are more closely aligned with the desires of humans than ever before and exploring that is for the betterment of all mankind

Right… Your preferred mode of transport is your van. You like music, dungeons and dragons and regularly masturbate over images of Harrison Ford

Who told you that?!

It was a joke!

Yeah well People Magazine voted him the sexiest man alive in 1998

And what about you?

I wasn't placed

You recently split up with your boyfriend who got off with a friend of yours called Jason

He’s NOT my friend

Alright, well, we don’t need to talk about that. I mean, we can, if you want, because it obviously hit you hard.

You prefer a loose cotton boxer as opposed to a brief

Is all this really necessary

Well yes! What if we are asked a number of intimate personal questions? We’re supposed to be a couple! Come on, do me

Okaay, You were born in Hawkins Indiana in 1975 to Benjamin and Emily Harrington. You have a sort of brother-friend thing going with a teenager called Dustin

Yeah

You attend an Ivy League School

Ivy Tech College

Whatever

It’s a community college, which is fine. It’s better actually, gives me some more freedom. Did you know Oprah went to community college? Anyway, it’s not where you go to school, it’s the experience that counts, ok?

Alright… You have an on off thing with a girl, Nancy, who is at university in Beardstown

Boston

Oops! Boston. But we are not going to mention her. You want to be a teacher, but you haven’t thought that all the way through, and your best friend is called Robin and she works in Film

Uh something like that

You have an extensive hair care routine. You are scared of dogs and bats, but oh so much greater is your fear that one day the two species will cross breed, forming an all powerful race of DogBats who will immobilise human beings in a giant vine based hive mind in order to eat cats.

I never said that….

Yeah, but it’d be good though

...I dunno

Alright! That’s it!!

Oh, by the way, my name’s Steve

Oh, right, I’m Eddie. Hi.

#Steddie #Stranger Things Fic #Spaced AU #Stranger Things #In the words of a good friend “Is this anything?”#I think I'm funny at least #steve harrington #eddie munson

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glennrheesdaughter · 1 year

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Imagine being Glenn's daughter and being there when he dies.

“For that, I’m gonna beat the holy hell, out of one of you.”

I shivered as I was kneeling down next to the others. My body trembled with fear, and I made eye contact with Dad. He stared at me, and I could see the pain in his eyes. He was scared, why wouldn’t he be? Why wouldn’t everyone be scared?

“This- this is Lucille and she is awesome.” Negan presented his bat, cloaked with barbed wire, to Rick. Negan pointed lazily at everyone with his finger. “All this, all this just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor.”

Negan strolled over to Carl. He stood tall over him and he chuckled.”This is your kid, right?” He laughed as his eyes went back and forth between Rick and Carl. “This is definitely your kid! Shit, kid, lighten up. At least cry a little.” Carl just glared at him and Negan shook his head.”Well, kid, if you’re gonna be that miserable then there’s really no point in you staying here, right?” Negan swung the bat up and Rick immediately ran towards Negan, screaming for him to stop. Rick was pinned to the ground by Negan’s men “Just stop this! Stop!” Rick cried.

“Nope, put him back in line. Don’t any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, no exceptions. First one’s free. It’s an emotional moment, I get it. But, I gotta pick somebody!” Negan swung the bat up and onto his shoulder. “Everybody’s at the table waiting for me to order. But, I simply cannot decide!” He paced back and forth and he suddenly stopped in front of Abraham. “I got an idea.”He said lowly.

I pulled my sleeves down to cover my hands and I made eye contact with Dad once more. He tried to smile at me, letting me know things were going to be okay, but I know he didn’t mean it. As much as he tried to reassure me, I knew that someone was going to die. Still, I smiled back at Dad sadly and then I looked down to the ground.

I felt Uncle Daryl put his hand on my shoulder.

Negan walked up to Abraham and started to bash his head with Lucille. I screamed and covered my eyes.

I uncovered my eyes and saw Uncle Abraham survived the first few blows. I looked at dad as he looked petrified.

Then Abraham told Negan to suck his nuts them got bashed again and then, after ten hits, there was nothing left.

I sobbed. Negan started taunting Rosita. Uncle Daryl scooped me into his arms and then glared. He stood up and tried to attack, but was subdued and he went back to me.

Negan began taunting again as I cried.

Negan shifted his head as I realized it was to Dad. I sobbed.

Two of his men dragged him out. He looked at me and Daryl.

"Daryl, Don't you let her look!" He yelled. Uncle Daryl pulled me closer.

The bat was about to come down." DARYL DON'T YOU LET HER FUCKING LOOK!" Dad yelled.

Uncle Daryl put my head in his chest and covered my ears.

I peeked to see dad's skull broke and his eye hanging out. I sobbed as I buried my face into Daryls chest.

"Sweetie...Find Mommy." He whispered as he got struck again. I looked and saw he was like Abraham..

There was nothing left.

I screamed and cried, as Daryl held me closer. Negan looked at me, as Daryl glared.

"Let's go and bring the child." Uncle Daryl picked me up and we went to a building. We got thrown into the same cell.

Uncle Daryl put me on the bed and wiped my tears." Please, Don't cry. I hate seeing one of My Little Ass-Kickers cry." He whispered as I tried to stop, after 5 minutes I did.

" Let's get you some sleep." He whispered." Can I sleep with you tonight?"

He nodded and we laid down as he put me protectively to his chest." Don't worry Kid. You got me now." He whispered.

#daryl imagines #daryl dixion imagine #glenn rhee #x reader #walking dead #the walking dead

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salvatoreren · 2 years

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Vol2 Thoughts

Alright everybody welcome back and ill try to make this as clean and constructed as possible anyways

i suppose chapter eight was the calm before the storm despite many people have died already

max having her halloween mask tho lmao what was she going to do with it and those poor people who got their van stolen,

the way i screamed when nancy saw jason, and erica just seeing the rest, im so glad eddie and the others stayed in the van, like please, dude my jaw dropped when i saw some dude kissing vickie, like poor robin, she deserves better

the way all of them had their moments while on the grass making weapons, i love that, i feel erica about lucas lol, robin and steve just comforting each other and being the best and that dustin and eddie scene, i love when they were scuffling, god they're so wholesome, YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM, THE NEVER CHANGE UGHHH PLEASE IT HITS DIFF NOW

i cried when will was crying, he's been through so much and ik i have set my negative views regarding ships but like i said byler and mileven was cool okay? anyways im sure what he said to mike was his true feelings

ik it's just me but i wish brenner and el had more closure like a max and billy moment but i think like i said a month ago with hopper saying the need to surpass fathers and grow, it made sense actually because in order for el to grow she needs to defy and surpass him

ALSO WILL AND EL HUGGING

now

CHAPTER NINE REALLY WAS SO HEARTSTOPPING, I HAD A HEADACHE WATCHING IT, MY HANDS WERE SO COLD AND MY STOMACH WAS TWISTING AND SHIT, I WAS SO FUCKING SCARED BUT ANYWAYS

THAT BIT WHERE THEY TRY TO FORCE MIKE IN EATING PIZZA WITH PINEAPPLE, THAT WAS SO CUTE

THE LUMAX SCENES! THE HOW PRESUMPTUOUS OF YOU COMING BACK, I LOVE THEM THEY'RE SO CUTE UGHHH

THAT "CHRISSY THIS IS FOR YOU" HAD ME BAWLING AND SCREAMING, UGH I LOVE HIM, THOSE PEEPS WERE RIGHT ABOUT EDDIE PLAYING MASTER OF PUPPETS, HE WAS INSANE FOR THAT, UGH PLS

IM SORRY BUT I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN DUSTIN AND EDDIE KEPT STABBING THE BATS LOL

THE WAY MY HEART BROKE WHEN EDDIE CUT OFF THE SHEET, DUSTIN SCREAMING, I HATE THIS

MY POOR BOY DUSTIN GETTING HIS LEG HURT

AND PROPS TO MURRAY, I LOVE HIM HE WAS CRAZY SHOOTING THAT FLAMETHROWER, MVP

THE SINCLAIRS BEATING THOSE TWO DOUCHES LMAO WHY WERE THEY ONLY TWO THO, ERICA KICKING HIM RIGHT IN THE NUTS AND HITTING HIM WITH A FLASHLIGHT QUEEN! ALSO LUCAS SAYING NORMAL IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH, YES HE RESIST CONFORMING

MIKE PULLED AN EREN ON ELEVEN UGH IN ASTONISHMENT BUT ALSO UGH IN DISGUST SINCE THEY REMIND ME OF MY NOTP, AND SAYING HOW HE LOVES HER, MILEVEN MAKES ME SOFT GOD

THE WAY THE MUSIC SET AND SHOWED EACH BATTLE JUISFAHKJSAF, I LOVE NANCY SHOOTING AT VECNA UGH, SHE WAS SO BADASS

I CRIED SO MUCH WHEN MAX SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DIE AND ALSO BACK WHEN SHE WAS IN THE SNOWBALL PART, HER CRIES WERE SO GENUINE, SADIE SINK DOING SUCH A GREAT JOB AGAIN

and now my thoughts on our beloved boy eddie's death

yeah i screamed and cried as twice as much, esp when dustin was holding him, like bro what, he can't die, i was saying it with dustin that he can't die and after that the disappointment, the unfairness set in, like steve got bit by a bat too but he lived, dont even get me started on max, IT'S SO UNFAIR, he had his MOMENT, IT WAS HIS YEAR, im just ugh really disappointed by his death, pretty numb about it, who knew one death could bring such a huge feeling of disappointment like the posts ive seen where brutal and really mad but i suppose they had the right since eddie had potential, him dying was unfair, it was just for shock value and it didn't really advance the plot unless they're using that for season five

the disappointment is really real, im really sad and beyond pained that it had to go that way, they're right eddie could've been kept around just like max and robin, we prayed for steve and robin too much, forgetting who we really should've prayed for but yeah im glad those two are alive, i feel really bad for his uncle though, his nephew missing, having his poster constantly vandalized then only told that he was dead ughh it's so unfair, i am in pain and i miss him already, i loved him like a child, he was amazing and fuckkk

RIP baby boy we will miss you

also i remember someone saying that if hopper and el reunite again and hopper says hey kid, they were going to lose it, i wonder how they're doing rn lmao

honestly im so happy that mike and hopper hugged, their relationship in season two was great but then forgotten and soiled at season three so yey

THAT ENDING THO WITH THE MUSIC AND SHIT, GOD I LOVE THAT

to be honest i really wish it ended with season four, idk this season felt like the end and for it to be succeeded feels wrong but all in all it was actually a great season finale, just eddie's death really did sour everyone's enjoyment, despite how i feel ill stick around because i love this show and am too attached to it, it's basically my comfort show

i have more to say regarding my favorite parts but i kinda forgot about them sorry, i watched the two in separate days

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cinematicct · 2 years

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Spider-Man (2002)

🕷👱‍♂️🆚👨‍🔬🟢😈

Directed by Sam Raimi, this superhero film stars Tobey Maguire in the official big screen debut of the Marvel comic book character Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man.

The rest of the cast includes: Kirsten Dunst as love interest Mary Jane “MJ” Watson, who Peter is too shy to ask out, Willem Dafoe as scientist and industrialist Norman Osborn/Green Goblin, James Franco as Norman’s son and Peter’s best friend Harry Osborn, Cliff Robertson as Uncle Ben Parker, Rosemary Harris as Aunt May Parker, J.K. Simmons as newspaper editor-in-chief J. Jonah Jameson and Elizabeth Banks as secretary Betty Brant. Some celebrity appearances include: professional wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage, Octavia Spencer as a sign-in woman, Lucy Lawless as a punk girl who comments on Spider-Man and Macy Gray as herself.

Tobey Maguire convincingly plays the lead in a way that’s both touching and a “Spider Sense” of amazement, which is just how Peter’s transition from a social outsider to a recognized hero is depicted. Peter not only develops spider-like powers, but as Spider-Man, he occasionally taunts the bad guys as a way to make them go nuts for the fun of it. Willem Dafoe is both stellar and terrifying for different reasons. As Norman, he plays an individual who devotes much of his time trying to work his way to the top. As the Green Goblin (both a split personality and a costumed figure), he alters his voice to a more sinister tone, releasing a demonic manifestation of power, intelligence and chemically-induced insanity. Kirsten Dunst plays Mary Jane in a similar fashion to the comics: a popular, “life of the party” type of girl. James Franco is the perfect embodiment of someone who tries to win the affection of his workaholic father, who instantly forms a bond with Peter as they have much in common with science. Harry also has a crush on Mary Jane, one of a couple things that gradually causes some tension between him and Peter. Dafoe and Franco not only look exactly like their characters, but they ultimately make the strained relationship between father and son believable. In fact, the surrogate relationship between Peter and Norman is the central storyline of the movie. Following a family tragedy, Peter turns to the father of his best friend who’s also Spider-Man’s greatest enemy, increasing both the mood and action. J.K. Simmons captures the essence of J. Jonah Jameson’s short-tempered behavior as he makes relentless attempts to besmirch Spider-Man out of resentment. He hires Peter as a freelance photographer, but is unaware that his employee is the masked vigilante he considers a criminal.

Much of the action includes the combined elements of dynamic visual effects, CGI, explosions and stunt coordination. A majority of the film shows Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe throwing punches at each other and hoisted up by wires (specifically when Spidey jumps from rooftop to rooftop and swings around with his web-shooting skills, while the Goblin flies on a high-tech, maneuverable glider). Spider-Man’s wall-climbing is an optical illusion that’s nothing short of spectacular. Kirsten Dunst is even shown in some of the action sequences since her character is also the occasional damsel in distress.

A crucial part of the movie is the costume design for both Spider-Man and the Green Goblin. Each suit (and mask) represents the contrasting color scheme and reputation of the hero and villain. The red and blue Spidey outfit is a symbol of justice. His mask, complete with one-way lenses, conceals his true identity as a normal boy from the public. Norman’s green armor is a sign of enhanced military strength and a reflection of his wealthy background as founder and CEO of his own company known as Oscorp Industries. His mask strikes fear since it enhances the persona of a ghoul. In fact, the Green Goblin is a Halloween-themed supervillain whose weapons resemble bats and pumpkins. Despite the constant clashing of the two, the Goblin at one point offered Spider-Man a chance to join forces with him. However, the web-slinger refused, putting himself at risk and his loved ones in peril by the third act.

One romantic scene has become an iconic moment in film history: the upside-down kiss between Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. Spider-Man hangs from a web as Mary Jane gives him a sign of gratitude after he’s saved her from a group of thugs in the pouring rain. He allows her to remove only part of his mask to make it happen, but the beauty of it is she doesn’t bother to figure out who’s behind the mask, even if she suspects it could be Peter.

The soundtrack features a collection of original hit songs written exclusively for the movie: “Hero” by Chad Kroeger (featuring Josey Scott), “It’s What We’re All About” by Sum 41, “Bother” by Corey Taylor, “When It Started” by The Strokes, “Hate to Say I Told You So” by the Hives, “My Nutmeg Phantasy” by Macy Gray and a cover version of the “Theme from Spider-Man” by Aerosmith.

Finally, the memo of the film is an old phrase, which inspired Peter to use his newfound abilities to defend people from criminal injustice and has become a significant quote in pop culture history: “With great power comes great responsibility”. All in all, I recommend this movie as it’s become an influential part of the superhero genre.

#spider man 2002 #superhero film #marvel comics #tobey maguire #green goblin #norman osborn #willem dafoe #mary jane watson #kirsten dunst #jk simmons #sam raimi #with great power comes great responsibility #upside down kiss #sony pictures

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stranger-masters · 1 year

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Isn't It Lovely? (See The Red Again)

title from Billie Elish's "Lovely" and Chevelle's "Red."

Summary: Eddie has a nightmare about the bats and Vecna killing Steve. Steve, who is staying with Max, hears Eddie screaming, and him and Max help out. Warnings: Blood, thoughts of suicide, loving Steve, protective Max, Vecna, Vecna's A Shit, Angst, and fluff.

Third Person POV

If you told Eddie "The Freak" Munson that he'd die from demonic bats, he'd think you were nuts. Of course, now having lived it himself, he's insane anyways. He swears he can still hear the leathery flap of their wings when things get quiet at the new trailer. It's bigger, has three rooms (one for Eddie, one for Wayne, and a junk room), and it's a pretty shade of dark blue. Eddie is scared of telling Wayne, because he knows his uncle wonders about the scars laddering Eddie's body, the silvery-red twists of ruined muscle. But every time he tries, he sees the bats, tearing into him like a knife into cheese, and he chickens out, and Wayne never asks. But Eddie can tell he's scared, too. Scared of the way his nephew flinches at anything that's sudden or loud: children laughing, a dog barking, a squeal of metal on gravel when Wayne was fixing his truck once. Eddie doesn't walk around shirtless anymore, if he ever did, regardless of who's home, whether Wayne is or the kids are over or if they're at Steve's. It doesn't matter. His shirt will not come off. Ever. But sometimes, the nightmares make him shirtless, and it's so much worse.

*Nightmare*

He was walking along the path he and Steve took in the woods, the Upside Down version of them. He wasn't with Steve this time, but he could hear him, calling out for Eddie, voice betraying the pain he was in. "Steve!" He shouted, hearing his voice echo off the trees, and he began to run. "I'm coming!" "EDDIE, HELP ME, PLEASE!" "I'm coming, I'm coming, I promise!" He didn't even know if Steve could hear him. Skidding around a corner, he stood, stock-still, watching the bats snarl at him. Behind them, Steve was chained by vines to a pillar, Vecna in front of him. The demon smiled, mocking Eddie. "You want him? Come on, then, they won't hurt you." He waved his huge hand at the bats. "They just want your blood, Edward Munson." He had to get to Steve, but the bats were in the way. And, with a look around, there was no other way. "Steve." He called, panicking when Vecna raised his claw. "No, no, leave him alone!" Eddie forced his way through the bats, which shrieked as he came within distance of them and as one, they raised into the air and swung down, nipping at Eddie's hands and hair and face and exposed skin. He cried out, batting them away, but they always came back. Always. "Hold on!" He shouted to Steve, who's head was falling back, his eyes going up. "No!" Eddie screamed, his voice raw.

Vecna was laughing. "Kill him," He snarled, and the bats, which had obviously been playing with him, abandoned all pretense and screamed as one, ripping into him. He screamed again as the bats ripped flesh from his hands, his arms, and blood ran like water from the wounds. One of the bats clawed its way up his back, sinking its teeth into Eddie's throat, just like last time. As he watched, desperately trying to stay alive, Steve's eyes rolled all the way back, and his arm snapped, and his limbs all followed, until the snapping and the breaking and the screaming of bats was all he heard, mixing with his own screaming--

*Nightmare Over* "EDDIE!" He shot up, swinging hard. He felt his fist connect, heard a shout of pain, and then there was a small body forcing its way up his chest, forcing his arms apart, and wrapping their own around him, whispering, "It's okay, you're safe, it's okay." He couldn't breathe, and his vision was darkening. "Eddie!" He heard, and then everything went black.

When he woke up and was actually able to breathe, he saw that it was Max on his chest, curled into him protectively, dead asleep, and Steve was at the foot of the bed, eyes shut, seemingly asleep. "Max?" He whispered, but the girl was out. She looked rather cute, in a kid-sister way, with her hair slowly slipping from her braids, her face relaxed and calm. She looked many years younger, like the kid she really was.

Instead, it was Steve that woke up. "Hey," He said slowly, as Steve blinked those pretty brown eyes sleepily. "Hi." "What are you two doing here?" Eddie asked, and Steve shrugged. "I was staying with Max, and we heard you screaming, so we ran over. I tried to wake you up, and you hit me, but Max..." He sighed. "She climbed right up in there, and you, like, went limp. I mean, she wrapped her arms around you, and you passed out, saying 'safe' or something like that." Steve shrugged, and Eddie felt his face get hot. Max was the sister he'd always wanted, and to know that he'd calmed instantly the moment she had gotten comfortable, well...that almost made his eyes water. (He wasn't crying, honest).

"What happened?" Steve asked, and Eddie told him. "I'm tired of it," He said as he finished. "Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just killed myself." He didn't expect Steve to yell, to get angry, or anything, but he definitely didn't expect Steve to act offended, jaw dropped, and start crying. "What about us?" He asked softly, the tears making his eyes a beautiful brown. "If you did that, what would we do?" "Move on, I guess. I'm just Eddie," He said, frowning. Why was this a big deal? Because they loved him, he realized. This...family, this group of friends that had all nearly died together, had welcomed him into the fold so easily, it made his heart hurt. "I love you guys. I do." He whispered, and Steve smiled, moving to curl up against Eddie's other side, tucking all them and Red in, sighing. "We love you, too." And that was that. (In the morning, Steve and Eddie totally didn't act domestic, make breakfast, and feed Max).

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lilyharvord · 2 years

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Do you think that cal will go bald?

no. Period. Full stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. That man has too good of genetics. Plus his dad and his grandfather and his uncle all have good hair and none of them were losing it. So no, he's not going to. He's gonna be 100% a silver fox and is going to rock whatever grey he gets.

it drives mare nuts. She thought the younger women would stop when he got older but instead she’s had to upgrade from a stick to a bat to beat them back XD

#(*ask lily*)#(*shut up lily*)#red queen #glass sword #kings cage #war storm #broken throne #post broken throne #cal calore #he will not #I refuse to see that

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whocalledhimannux · 3 years

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hello my friends it's time for another wildly self-indulgent AU, based on the fact that I spent several hours tonight with two windows open on my laptop, one showing Queen's Thief fic and the other showing the Philadelphia Phillies absolutely crushing the Reds:

Q T B A S E B A L L AU

featuring Eugenides as a hotshot player who is a rediciulous thief of bases (if u click on that link, take moment to pray for Roman Quinn's achilles 😢), incredible speed, no one can touch him, if he gets on base he will be scoring...

...until noted Absolute Asshole Nahuseresh "accidentally" steps on his hand with sharpened cleats (for the grip! he had no idea they would be dangerous! shocked and apalled and apologetic, really!) and causes nerve damage bad enough that Eugenides is more or less forced into an early retirement, reigniting the old Eddisian Griffins-Attolian Lilies rivalry with a vengeance

Helen is the manager (main coach) of the Griffins (she played baseball on teams with her brothers as a kid) and Irene is the owner of the Lilies

a year later, during the off-season, Irene and Eugenides elope, she hires him as the manager for the Lilies, and trades Nahuseresh while making it clear it's not about his playing, which is good, but because he's an absolute asshole. all of this happens in like a week and sports media goes BUCK WILD.

Dite is a very precocious pitcher, Sejanus is a shortstop. Eugenides trades both of them just under the trade deadline because he suspects Erondites is doing some shady Black Sox shit behind the scenes

Sophos is a pretty inconsistent player when he's younger and it's openly speculated he only makes it into professional ball because of nepotism--ironically, once his uncle loses a shit ton of money in a business takeover and has to sell the team to [random rich owner, idk], he really hits his stride and is called up from the minors to play for a major league team under the guidance of the Magus, who is his manager. he's a center fielder. drove his father nuts in his youth because he was always daydreaming instead of paying attention to the ball.

fun side note: like Sophos, I have a scar on my lip that alters my smile. I got mine when a softball glanced off my glove and hit me in the face, and my lip got caught in my braces. so I like to think he gets an injury in this AU in a similar way, lol.

I haven't thought this through for all of them, because it's midnight and I can't be doing this for hours, but major King's Guard/Attendants are Lilies players, cousins/major Eddisians are Griffins, etc. I'm de-aging some of them to make it fit.

MoW (is it weird that's still my default for him?) is a base coach, Ornon is a long-suffering umpire

Teleus is captain of the Lilies and their catcher (for non-baseball fans, the catcher does a lot of directing during the game--helping pitchers choose which pitch to throw, helping to decide if fielders should move back or move in or cover certain gaps)

he does get into a shouting match with Eugenides at one point, on the field, and again, sports media goes BUCK. WILD. the Lilies have so many good unwritten rules/bench-clearing/wtf-just-happened moments during this time.

as a player Eugenides defied a couple of the unwritten rules--he was not shy about bunting or stealing bases whenever tf he wanted to, for example. he dodged a lot of intentional hits from pitchers but he was too damn charming for the fans to be really mad at him

Relius is their general manager at first, the guy in charge of numbers and trades and negotiating. he's kicked out after a scandal but Irene ends up keeping him around. he starts to actually attend games in a private box and watch instead of schmoozing and rediscovers his love for the game.

oooooh I kind of like the idea of most of the attendants being pitchers. pitchers are sort of divas and teams have like 10+ and fans of Certain Teams experience a LOT of exasperation over their pitchers' inconsistent performance (not that I would ever ever point to any specific team and the fact that Lilies rhymes with Phillies means absolutely nothing)

Costis is the first baseman (because TALL) and has a killer batting average, is v close with Aris who plays second base, and kinda sorta accidentally becomes the first out MLB player when he gets caught making out with Kamet after winning the home run derby. oops.

Teleus, who has been successfully avoided winning that title for years, mocks him ruthlessly (although he does have a Glenn Burke kind of deal where his teammates know but keep it private)

Kamet has relatively little interest in sports and there is a lot of online complaining about the fact that he openly grades papers/works on other stuff during games, but hey, this PhD isn't going to earn itself. he does pay attention to Costis's at-bats, though, and gets more invested in the games as he gets to know other players better--he also eventually reveals that he's got a mean head for stats, even if he doesn't feel the need to be watching every second of every game. there are 162 of them for each team and they go on for 4 hours, okay? give him a break.

dear god, I don't even know exactly where Pheris fits in (once he's like. an adult.) but please take a moment to scroll through this page of commonly tracked baseball statistics and appreciate how much Pheris would lose his mind over this game

WAIT no I've got it, Relius becomes the scouting director for the Lilies and Pheris works with him. Moneyball.

the equivalent of the fighting the guards scene at the end of KoA is one day Eugenides is running a practice with the team and lets Laecdomon (one of the pitchers, doomed to be traded soon after) goad him into stepping in the batter's box. Laecdomon goes between strikes and balls that come VERY close to hitting him, including one that almost beans him in the head, but Eugenides manages to hit the ball even with his bad hand, fuckin' zooms around the bases while the team fumbles and commits multiple errors trying to stop him, and leaps over Teleus at home to score.

ok I spent an hour typing this up when I should have been sleeping lmao, but I have written two other baseball AUs for two other fandoms (as a contributing writer/brainstormer for one, tbf) and I am totally down to talk more about this concept if there are other QT baseball fans out there

#queen's thief

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seaofghouls · 3 years

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DSMP FALLS! <1>

Ah! Summer break! A time for leisure, recreation, and taking her easy.

..Unless you're me.

A pair of triplets crash through a billboard with a go-kart. "AAAAAHHH!" Being followed by a monster of unimaginable horror. "It's getting closer!" One of the triplets cried. My name is Y/N. The boy to the right of me about to puke is my triplet brother, Tubbo, while the boy to my left screaming profanities is my other triplet brother, Tommy. You may be wondering what we're doing in this situation. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. "Agh!" Y/N screamed. "This monster is such a bitch!" Tommy cried. "Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation!

... Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air. They shipped us up to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay with our great uncle in the woods. "This attic is amazing! Just look at all of my splinters!" Tubbo cried. "..And there's a fucking goat on my bed." Tommy sighed.

Tubbo walked up to the goat.

"Hey, new friend! Yes, you can keep chewing on my shirt!" Tubbo giggled. Y/N giggled as well. Tubbo and Tommy seemed to look on the bright side of things. I, however, was having a bit of a harder time getting used to our new surroundings. "Boo!" "Aagh!" Y/N jumped up from their spot from under a tree. An old man took off a mask and started laughing. And then there was our great uncle Schlatt. That guy. Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. The real mystery is why anyone came. And guess who had to work there? Y/N sighed, sweeping the floor. Tubbo reached out to touch something in this gift shop before Schlatt slapped his hand away.

"No touching the merchandise!" He said. Tommy snickered and touched it anyway out of spite. It seemed like it was going to be the same routine all summer, until one fateful day.

"Alright, look alive folks! I need someone to go hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." Schlatt said. "Not it!" The triplets said at the same time. "Also not it." Ranboo said. "Nobody asked you, Ranboo." Schlatt said. "I know and I'm comfortable with that." Ranboo smiled. "Niki! I need you to put up these signs!" Schaltt said. "I would.. but I can't.. reach." She trailed off. "I'd fire all of you if I could." Schlatt sighed. "Okay, let's make it eeny, meeny, miny, you." Schlatt pointed at Y/N. "Yes!" Tommy and Tubbo exclaimed. "Awe what? Gruncle Schlatt, whenever I'm in those woods I feel like I'm being watched." Y/N said. "Oh, this again." He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, something weird is going on! Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out beware!" Y/N said, showing schlatt their arm. "...That says bewarb." Schlatt said. "Look kid, the whole monsters in the forest thing is just a local legend. Drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Schlatt pointed at a guy distracted by a schlatt bobblehead. "So quit being so paranoid!" Schlatt said. ... "Ugh, Gruncle Schlatt. nobody ever believes what I say." Y/N groaned as they hammer signs in the forest. They hammer another tree but stop when they hear metal. "huh?" They hit it the hammer again in curiosity. Finding a secret door with a machine inside, they mess with the buttons for a bit before something opens up behind them. "What the.." Reaching into the hole, they find a dusty old journal. They brush it off and start reading. "Woah.. trust no one, huh?" Y/N mumbled. "Hello!" Tubbo exclaimed. "What are you reading, some nerd book?" Tommy asked. "Uh-uh, it's nothing!" Y/N exclaimed. "Uh-UH IT'S NOTHING!" Tommy mocked. "What, are you seriously not gonna show us?" Tubbo asked. "..Let's go somewhere more private," Y/N said. ... "It's amazing! Gruncle Schlatt said I was being paranoid, but apparently, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side!" Y/N exclaimed. "WOAH!" Tubbo exclaimed. "SHUT UP!" Tommy pushed Y/N with a grin on his face. "Get this! After a certain point, the pages just stop! Like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!" Y/N exclaimed.

The doorbell rang. "Who's that?" Y/N asked. "Welp, time to spill the beans! This guy's got a platonic date!" Tubbo grinned. "Platonic??" "Date??" Schlatt walked in as Tubbo came back in with someone. "Hey family, I want you to meet my new platonic boyfriend!" Tubbo exclaimed. "Sup." He said. "Hey." Y/N and Tommy said. "How's it hanging?" Schlatt finger gunned. "We met at the cemetery. He's really deep." Tubbo smiled. "..What's your name?" Y/N asked. "Normal.. Man!" He groaned out. "He means Norman." Tubbo giggled. "..Are you bleeding, Norman?" Tommy asked. "..It's jam." Norman said. Y/N stared at him in suspicion before Tubbo dragged Norman away. There was something with Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal. Y/N read the journal out loud. "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes.. these creatures are often mistaken for.. TEENAGERS?!" Y/N exclaimed. "Beware Gravity Falls' nefarious ZOMBIES?!" Y/N gasped. "Zombies??" Tommy gasped. He was sitting there with Y/N. "Tommy, outside!" Y/N exclaimed. "Oh, no! Tubbo!" They both yelled. Norman lurched towards Tubbo, grabbed him, and put a flower crown on him. "Daisies?? You scallywag!" Tubbo gushed. "Is our brother dating a zombie or are we just going nuts?" Tommy muttered. "It's a dillema to be sure." Charlie said. "Agh!" Y/N jumped. "I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking to yourselves in this empty room." Charlie explained. "Charlie, you've seen Tubbo's platonic date, right? He's got to be zombie!" Y/N said. "Hm.. how many brains did you see the guy eat?" Charlie asked. "Zero.." Y/N sighed. "Look, dudes, I believe you. I'm seeing strange thing in this town all the time. Like, the mailman, I'm pretty sure that guy's a werewolf. But! You gotta have proof, or else people will think you're a major cukoo clock." Charlie said. "As always, big C, you're right." Tommy said. "My wisdom is both a wisdom and a curse." Charlie said. "Charlie! The toilets are clogged again!" Schlatt called out. "I am needed elsewhere." Charlie took off. Y/N and Tommy decided to work together to get some evidence. Throughout their studies, Norman certainly had strange behavior, but not enough to convict him of anything supernatural. "I'll talk to Tubbo, don't worry, sib!" Tommy said. "Alright." Y/N nodded. ... Tommy walked into the triplets' shared room. "Tubbo, we've got to talk about Norman." Tommy said. "I know! Isn't he great?? Look at this smooch mark he gave me!" Tubbo turned his head to show a large red area on his face. "Egh!" Tommy cried. "Hah! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leafblower. That was fun." Tubbo laughed. "No, listen, Tubbo! I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems! The journal that Y/N found!" Tommy insisted. "You think he might be a vampire?? That would be awesome!" Tubbo gasped. "Guess again, big T! A zombie he is!" Tommy said. "A zombie?? Not funny, Tommy!" Tubbo frowned. "I'm not joking! Y/N can agree, it all adds up! The bleeding, the limp, he never blinks! Have you noticed that??" Tommy exclaimed. "Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking." Tubbo suggested. "HE'S GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS, BIG T!" Tommy shook Tubbo. "Tommy! Listen to me. Norman and I are going on a date tonight and I'm going to be adorable! He's going to be dreamy! And I'm not going to let you and Y/N ruin it with another one of your crazy conspirices!" Tubbo kicked Tommy out. "Ah man.. what am I gonna do??" Tommy slumped against the door. Someone sat down next to him. "How'd it go, bro-bro?" Y/N asked. "He's refusing to listen.. He kicked me out." Tommy sighed. Y/N frowned. "Not surprising. Hopefully he'll come to that realization in his own." ... The two out of three triplets were sitting on the couch, looking over the footage. "I guess we don't have any actual evidence, huh?" Y/N sighed. "Yeah.. I guess we can be kinda paranoid sometimes-" Tommy stopped. In the footage clip, Norman's hand fell off and he put it back on. "WAIT WHAT?!" Tommy and Y/N exclaimed. They leaped off

the

couch in a hurry. "WE WERE RIGHT! HOLY SHIT!" Tommy exclaimed. Racing outside, the two tried to find their uncle. "GRUNCLE SCHLATT! GRUNCLE SCHLATT!" Y/N called out. Schlatt wasn't paying attention.

"Wait! Niki has the cart!" Tommy suggested. "Good eye, Tommy!" Y/N grinned. "Niki! Niki! We need the cart to save our brother from a zombie!" They ran up to her. "Try not to hit any pedestrains." She winked, giving them the keys. "Alright, Tommy! Let's go save our sister!" Y/N grinned. They backed up before Charlie stopped them. "Dudes! This is for the zombies." He handed them a shovel. "Thanks." Y/N grinned, "This is in case you see a pinata." He handed them a bat. "..Thanks?" Tommy said. "Better safe than sorry!" He called out. Tommy and Y/N sped off to find their brother. They heard screams and drove to the direction of the sound. "LET'S GO!" Y/N exclaimed. "Get his arm there, Steve!" Tubbo was struggling against several gnomes. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Tommy exclaimed. "Tommy! Y/N! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total assholes!" Tubbo cried.

"Gnomes..? We were way off." Tommy mumbled. Y/N flipped open the journal. "Damn.. no weaknesses." They sighed. "Hey! Hey! Let go of my brother!" Y/N demanded. "This is all one big misunderstanding. Your brothers not in any danger! He's just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our king for all of eternity!" The lead gnome explained. "Give him back right now, or else, prick!" Tommy demanded. "You think you can stop us, child? You have no idea what we're capable of!" The gnome went on a tangent before Tommy scooped him up with the shovel and tossed him to the side. Y/N used that chance to free Tubbo, dragging him back to the kart with Tommy. "GO GO GO!" Tubbo exclaimed. "I wouldn't worry about it. See their little fucking legs? Those pricks are tiny." Tommy smirked. Tommy stopped when they heard the noises of a creature. A giant gnome creature, to be exact. "Damn." Tubbo said. "MOVE! GO GO GO!" Y/N screeched. The giant creature chased them through the forest. Gnomes launched onto the kart. "Agh!" Tubbo exclaimed. "GET OFF MY FACE!" Y/N cried. "I got you, sib!" Tubbo punched the gnome, while also accidentally punching Y/N several times before the gnome let go, revealing new bruises on Y/N's face. "..Thanks bro.." They winced. "Look out!" Tubbo cried. They crashed into the back of the Mystery Shack. They were officially cornered. The triplets hugged each other in terror. "W-where's Gruncle Schlatt??" Y/N asked. "It's the end of the line, kids! Tubbo, marry us before we do something crazy!" The lead gnome ordered. "There's gotta be a fucking way out of this.." Tommy muttered. "I gotta do it." Tubbo decided. "What?!" The other two triplets exclaimed. "Tubbo, are you crazy?!" Y/N asked. "Trust me." Tubbo said. "..What??" Tommy gasped. "Trust me, just this once, guys." Tubbo said. The two hesitated and then nodded. "Alright, Jeff. I'll marry you." Tubbo stepped forward. "Hot dog!" The lead gnome climbed down to Tubbo. "You may now kiss the groom." Tubbo said after the lead gnome put a ring on his finger. "Well, I don't if I do!" The lead gnome grinned, puckering up. Tubbo took that chance to hit him with the leafblower that was left outside. "Agh!" The gnome screamed. "That's for lying to me! That's the breaking my heart! And that's for messing with my siblings!" Tubbo shot the gnome off into the forest and the rest of the gnomes scattered away. As the triplets walked back into the Mystery Shack, Tubbo stopped them. "Hey, Y/N, Tommy, I'm sorry. You two were really just trying to look out for me." Tubbo sighed. "Oh, don't be like that! You saved our asses back there!" Tommy smiled. "I guess I'm just sad that Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes." Tubbo sighed. "Hey, look on the bright side! Maybe the next one will be a vampire." Y/N giggled. "You're just saying that." Tubbo giggled, punching their shoulder. "..Awkward triplet hug?" Y/N suggested. "Awkward triplet hug." Tommy and Tubbo said together, the three of them in a hug. ... "Yeesh, you three get hit by a bus or something? Hahah!" Schlatt laughed. The triplets ignored him. "Hey, um,, I accidentally overstocked some items, why don't you three take something?" Schlatt said. "What's the catch?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "The catch is do it before I change my mind, now go!" Schlatt said. The triplets grinned at each other. Tubbo picked out a grappling hook, Tommy picked out a music disc, and Y/N picked out a a hat with a bat symbol on it. ... This journal told me that there was no one you could trust. But when you go up against an army of gnomes with side by side with two people, you realize they probably got their back. "Tubbo, can you get the light?" Y/N asked. "You got it, sib!" Tubbo shot the grappling hook at the light. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" Tommy rolled his eyes. Tubbo and Y/N giggled. Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked? -------

#dream smp #dsmp au #dsmp #gravity falls #gf #au #reader insert #x reader #dsmp gravity falls au #dream smp gravity falls au #agaga

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