Hola Dani...! How are you?? How has your weekend been?? 🤗

So here's the story (it's not really that long) but it involves TLND...

First I would like to apologize for every single time I have called "obliviousness" in stories unrealistic because Holy fuck!! 🙃

So today I got this delivered to my house...

I'm a shitty photographer but it's a bouquet of red and white roses with some Christmas flowers in it, very pretty 😍 and it smells amazing 🥰

And in it there was a simple card that said, I hope you're feeling better, love... and the signature and it's handwritten!!

Also in it... a small package of RAISINS!!!

Now, I don't hate raisins but I very much don't love either... I just won't stop eating something because it has raisins in it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I obviously texted him to thank him for such a beautiful present and I wasn't even going to mention the raisins but HE himself brought it up and I asked, why raisins? And he says:

"Because of that book you were reading where the characters expressed their love by eating each other's raisins..."

To which I reply by explaining to him that it wasn't exactly like that and basically proceed to explain all the nuances of TLND Malec...

And it wasn't until hours later when I was talking to my favorite cousin that I realized (she pointed out) that he had used the motherfucking raisins to tell me he has feelings for me 🤦🏻‍♀️

No wonder I'm so chronically single, I can't tell when people like me 😭

And then I asked him, and he told me that he has had feelings for me for YEARS, he apologized for getting the raisins thing wrong and then asked me out on a date 🥺

Hindsight is now 20/20, I should have noticed because it was obvious 😫

And the thing is, I don't know if I want to go on a date with him, we've been friends for years and what if it doesn't work out??

I don't know what to do, he doesn’t even live in the country he's only here to spend the holidays with his family, although his mom told me a while ago that he wanted to move back 🤔

Wow... it was a long story 😬 but yeah, that's it, that's the thing that happened to me...

What would you do?

Soy amarte mucho mucho siempre 💚💚💚

I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS AND I WILL BE SHARING ALL OF THEM. A LIST IS REQUIRED RIGHT NOW. VERY MUCH SO.

First of all, I squealed at this whole thing. Wtf. I don't squeal. I only *makes dragon noises*

Red and white flowers are such a good combo. (i find them very catholic but okay that's just me). ALSO HANDWRITTEN NOTES? OKAY THEN.

"feeling better....love. AMOR. WHAT. OKAY.

AND NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING RASINS OMG? WTF? TLND BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER. I NEED A NETFLIX MOVIE RN.

Also this man is the 'he might be a little confused but he got the spirit' meme

ALSO YOU OBLIVIOUS NUGGET I CANNOT

*more screaming*

Okay. Okay. As to what to do now. You should obviously do whatever the fuck you want. Duh. You're smart. Amazing. THE best. You'd make the right decision!

*clears throat carefully* but if I may, this guy seems so sweet. (but he is still a guy ew). For me, the two most attractive qualities in a person are 1) paying attention to the things we're passionate about (i can't believe he remembered the raisin thing!!) 2) giving a shit (the gesture was so romantic i always thought what in the lightwood-bane is going on lol)

I know that you are worried about the friendship. That's a very valid concern when you start dating a friend. But here is the thing. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Sometimes when it doesn't, it's a little awkward. That's very normal.

But I've noticed some guys act like a dick about it. Like, 'if you can't date me, i don't wanna be friends with you' or whatever. And if this guy is like that, if it someones who acts like a child because you both tried something and it didn't work out and you decided to move on as adults, then this guy is not not worth being your friend OR your boyfriend.

But if it works out, then that's amazing! If it doesn't and you decide to be adults about it, that's even more amazing! Because are there are no 'what ifs' and regrets.

As I said, it's up to you. I know you are dealing with a lot right now and this year has been difficult with a lot of ups and downs, so when good things come your way, it's important to seize them and give it a shot.

I hope you know you deserve ALL the good things. This guy kinda seems good so 👀

Anyway. I love you and I'm so excited for you!!!

Finn Wolfhard Dating Headcanons. [Part 3]

Warnings: angst, first fight, a lot of fluffy cheesiness?

PREVIOUS PART.

Your first real fight wasn't something you remembered fondly.

You've had a lot of arguments before; about food, about stealing his clothes or, the most serious ones, about his time.

But they always got solved in the moment.

Always.

Because you'd either drop the subject, or you'd laugh at something stupid, or you'd realize that it wasn't worthy of a fight, and it was forgiven and forgotten.

But this time it was difficult to just forget.

It was your anniversary.

A year together.

You knew he wouldn't be able to spend the day with you because he wasn't in the city, and even though it hurted you, you understood.

You always understood.

why did you always have to understand?

why couldn't you be selfish for once?

it'd be easier to break up with you then, if you weren't such a perfect bean.

perfect adorable bean that he missed way too much for his own good.

And the day was fine.

You had been texting since the morning, even with the hour difference.

He promised a gift when he came back.

You told him yours was going to be better.

He told you that there was NO WAY yours was better.

You sent him memes.

He realized he missed you way too much.

And so he uploaded a picture of you guys to his feed.

It was a normal picture, where he was kissing your cheek and it was kind of blurry because you were moving while he was taking it.

It had some lame description, like "I really miss you and I can't believe it's already been a year."

That's where the argument begun.

You guys hadn't made it official to the media yet.

People barely knew your existence in his life.

I mean, his family and friends knew; yours too.

But his fans were a GREAT part of his life too, you started as a fan after all.

And you let him know that it was kinda douchy to reveal it to the public without your consent.

And since the thing was over text, where you couldn't look at each other in the eyes and notice when any of you was joking...

He was offended.

"sorry, i just thought you'd think it was cute"

To which you responded jokingly:

"sorry, i just thought you'd think it was cute to reveal your identity to the whole world and expose you to my fans"

He didn't get it.

Things escalated from there.

It finished with a rough:

"I didn't mean to hurt you, and I'm sorry our relationship exposes you to hate. I realize now that it was douchy of my part to do that, sorry."

You tried to answer with a "It's okay, just ask me next time."

But the message wasn't delivered.

Because he blocked you.

he blocked you??? why did he block you??? IF ANYONE HAD THE RIGHT TO BLOCK THE OTHER WAS Y-!

wait, did that mean you broke up?

were you guys still a couple?

was he ever going to talk to you again?

were you going to be able to see his smile again? ever again?

That was shitty.

The uncertainty was shitty.

Not having him available to tell him about the cute dog you saw today was shitty.

But overall, you regretted telling him something that was in part YOUR CHOICE, and that was incredibly shitty.

It didn't last long.

He had you blocked for the rest of that day, and the next one.

Called you after that, first thing in the morning.

"Hello?" you sounded so sleepy he wanted to die. "Who is it?"

"It's uh, it's me."

"I literally have no idea who you are. The phonecall blinded me when I woke up and I barely can hear your voice cuz'... I'm tired"

"Finn Wolfhard. Your boyfriend?"

"Oh."

You may or may not had been silently crying as he apologized for his behaviour and explained himself.

He told you that his train of thought was:

-you being really mad at him

-his fans bullying you

-you being better off without him

You wanted to hell him "no! you dipshit, i wasn't mad at you! you just should have asked me first!" but, well, you were crying.

So he just heard "you dipshit" in a really broken voice, and not in the playful way you meant.

It was his turn to cry.

But as you both finally calmed down, and he felt the relief of your calm, sweet voice in his ear, he had to tell you.

"I really thought I should break up with you; you're like one of the best things that has ever happened to me, but I barely have time to be with you and..."

"please don't. I'm going to kill you if you break up with me over the phone."

You felt the tears welling up.

again.

"let me finish, knight..."

thE NICKNAME.

FINN YOU LITTLE SHIT.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

"I can't break up with you, y/n. not after realizing that..."

"what?"

"that I..."

"shit, Finn, what?"

"I'm pregnant."

You laughed.

He muffled out an offended gasp.

"it's yours, in case you wanted to know."

you laughed harder.

"no, but for real now, I realized I love you and... I know I have told you that I love you many times before, but never like this... I just realized I wanted to keep on fighting for this, and that's part of what it's always going to be for me in love; it's my choice if I want to keep it, and I do.. I want to keep this, keep you and... are you...? are you still there?"

You were still there.

You were just crying.

it's okay, shhhh, he loves you.

it's alright.

"I love you too."

Finn left his tears for after the call.

"When are you coming back?"

He looked at the airport around him.

"In a week or so" he lied "Why? You already miss me that bad, you pretty girl?"

You wanted to answer something witty.

But you couldn't.

"yes, I miss you real bad."

He smiled.

"that's okay, you'll see me. I gotta leave now, I love you."

"Gah, say it again"

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love yo-"

You hung up with your cheek.

Accidentally.

You cursed yourself.

Then found yourself smiling.

It was 4am.

And between the sleepiness you already had when you woke up, the one from all the tears and the fuzzy feeling inside, you fell asleep once more.

He was there to wake you up.

Juice

Summary: Bakugou’s daughter demands juice, but he refuses. 

Author’s Note: Story inspiration came from a video I saw on YouTube a few weeks ago. Video was about MHA/BNHA memes (lol), but please click here to watch it. The specific timestamp for the meme I used for inspiration is at the 1:38 minute mark. The joke originally came from Kevin Hart. All credit goes to the comedian and the person who made it into a MHA/BNHA meme.

Enjoy!

~~~

“You’re gonna die, Shitty Hair!”

“We’ll see about that, Bakubro!” Kirishima challenged him with a shark-like grin, shifting into a defensive position with his sharp arms.

Bakugou mischievously gritted his teeth while he charged at the red hedgehog he grudgingly called his best friend. Although it was Bakugou’s day off from work, he wasn’t going to sit his ass down all day. Luckily for him, Kirishima was also free today and itching to spar with his longtime bro from U.A.  

The two Pro Heroes never lost touch with each other after graduating from high school. While Bakugou would never admit this out loud, he really appreciated his friendship with the eccentric, jolly man. He respected him, and viewed him as an equal, but Bakugou would always strive to be better than him since no one else deserved to be the number one hero in Japan.

That coveted title was for Bakugou, and damnit, he’ll achieve it one day.

Bakugou flashed a feral smile at his opponent, his razor-sharp teeth menacing as he threw one powerful blast at the hero. The blonde-haired man rushed forward into the dark smoke to deliver the final blow at his unsuspecting spar partner, not holding back one bit since Bakugou knew he could handle it. He was a damn Pro Hero, after all.  

As the dust settled, Kirishima tapped against the winner’s shoulder.

“Alright, alright, you win,” he groaned and Bakugou smirked. Standing on his two feet, Bakugou offered his hand to his friend and Kirishima graciously took it.

Bakugou threw a white towel at his friend. “Get clean, I’ll get us some drinks.”

“Yay, daddy!” A little girl screamed from the sidelines. She sprinted towards the sweaty man, snatching his hand while jumping up and down. Bakugou gave his daughter a victorious grin before scooping her in his arms.

Kaida Bakugou was the crown jewel in the Pro Hero’s life. You knew your daughter was the definition of a daddy’s little girl. The moment Bakugou laid his eyes on his newborn daughter at the hospital, it was over. He was whipped once Kaida yawned and opened her tiny, crimson eyes at him. It was one of those rare times when Bakugou actually had a genuine smile on his face.

As Kaida grew, she slowly developed her personality. Unsurprisingly, she was just like your jackass of a husband: determined, passionate and loud. In fact, she was the spitting image of him except for her hair; that was all you (and maybe your nose if you squint a little), but those eyes—they were definitely his.

Both men trudged their way to the kitchen. Kaida squirmed in her father’s arms, and Bakugou realized she wanted to be put down. The little girl darted to the refrigerator, eagerly pointing at the door.

“Daddy, juice,” Kaida requested, and Bakugou frowned.

“No,” he grunted at her. “You had enough juice. You’re gettin’ water.”

Kaida glared at her father. Standing up straighter, she curled her small fists and puffed out her chest in a bravado manner. The toddler aggressively babbled away, swinging her fists up and down as she argued for her juice. In her head, her reasoning sounded perfect, full-proof, a guarantee to win her request.

At the end of Kaida’s jibber-jabber, she demanded: “Juice!”

Bakugou was stunned at her behavior while Kirishima’s hand flew to his mouth to stifle his laughter at the sight unfolding. A large vein appeared on the father’s forehead.

“Who the fuck you think you talkin’ to?”

Kirishima lost it and banged on the counter. Bakugou fiercely jabbed his finger at his daughter’s direction. 

“You are not gettin’ juice! You already had two pouches before lunch.”

“Juice!” Kaida stomped her foot for emphasis.  

“No, brat,” Bakugou sneered. “You get juice when I say so. One more outburst and I won’t let you watch that annoying, pink British pig garbage you like so much.”

Now Kaida was a toddler, but she wasn’t stupid. She carefully thought through the pros and cons for a minute before deciding to surrender. Kaida scowled at her father and stormed out of the kitchen to who knows where in this house.

Bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Kirishima’s laughter echoed behind him, earning a snarl from the hot-headed father.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!”

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

After Kirishima left, Bakugou went to find his daughter.

He knew where she would be, so he dragged himself upstairs to the second floor. Bakugou glanced at the various photos you hung on the walls. Some were from your wedding day; others captured the trips before Kaida was born. The remaining ones were of your daughter, either alone or with her parents. 

Standing in front of her door, Bakugou sighed and knocked.

“Kaida, it’s me.” Not waiting another second, he pushed the door opened before walking inside. Bakugou shot himself in the foot by doing this when his eyes narrowed at his little girl’s body curled up on her bed.

Her back faced toward him, and she didn’t bother turning around when he knocked. Bakugou hauled himself to her bed and sat down. Kaida sensed the mattress sinking and shuffled away, clutching her mother’s pro hero plushy. Bakugou groaned as he saw his own tossed across the room.

He fucked up big time.

“Listen, Kaida, I know you’re angry at me,” he exhaled, shoving his fingers through his hair. “And I know you’re stubborn like your damn mother, which is a good thing, but not when it’s used against me.”

“Daddy, go away,” the toddler mumbled.

“Daddy ain’t going anywhere,” Bakugou retorted at the girl. “Kaida, I’m your father. That means you gotta put up with my shit because I’m the grown up here.”

No response.

“Oi, you know I hate seeing you like this.” Bakugou scooted closer to the toddler. She didn’t move away from him, so Bakugou laid down next her fetal position. “But you have to understand you can’t have everything whenever you want. There are limits and rules.”

“I want juice,” Kaida sniffed.

“You know you can’t have juice. Mommy said you can only have two juice pouches a day. That’s mommy’s rule. Do you want to break her rule?”

Kaida shook her head. “Hewo no bweak wules.”

“Exactly,” he answered. Kaida rolled around and faced her father; she hugged him, and Bakugou wrapped his arm around her tiny frame, pulling her closer to his inferno chest.

Parenting was no walk in the park. There were moments where Kaida tried to push his buttons and test the boundaries, but he needed to remain firm. He was responsible for guiding her down the right path with strong morals. That all began with her understanding certain things like ‘no means no.’ He wasn’t going to raise a selfish brat.

Sensing that Kaida was no longer angry, Bakugou gently shook her so she could look up at him.

“C’mon, let’s get you washed up so we can eat dinner.” Bakugou picked Kaida up, and carried her out the room. She snuggled her head near the crook of his neck. “Now, you’re gonna drink water with you food, but if you finish your dinner…I’ll give you ice cream.” 

Kaida’s eyes lit up. “Ice cweam?!”

Bakugou kissed her forehead as a tiny smirk curled on his lips. “Yes, but we won’t tell mommy. It will be our little secret. Got it, squirt?”

Kaida adorably cupped her mouth and giggled, making a quiet ‘shush’ noise to keep her promise to her father.

To this day, you never found out about their ‘little secret.’

~~~

I figured I write a fluffy piece after my last short story *nervous laughter* 

But thank you all for your incredible response on The Point of No Return. I am leaning towards writing a sequel for that story. Usually I don’t write sequels, but considering I did Toshinori dirty...I’ll see. 

:)

A few things…

I’m in the middle of my reread, just about done with part 3 but I had to pause to tell you I got literal chills this time. Seokjin holding a match as the flame creeps further down the stick saying “Do I not look dangerous enough?” is going to haunt me forever. Ah and Tae crouching down to move Namjoon’s hand in part 2 😖 the imagery is *chefs kiss* but also so far my sleuthing has been unsuccessful bc your amazing writing is distracting me lol

Second thing is that while I started this ask with the intention of just raving about your writing, I then noticed the time sooooo naturally I also paused to make a really shitty meme (shhh ignore the quality, I took a screenshot of a gif bc I don’t know how to internet like them young folks) also you can’t send pics on anon???? Or if you can I don’t know how…see previous parentheses.

Happy birthday!!! I hope you’ll get to do something you love with the people you love today. I regret to inform you that creative writing is not my strong suit. I legitimately took exactly one writing class in college…but hey if you want to read a lab report I’m your gal 😂 on what? Who knows, but I can promise it will be as dry and technical as all lab reports sadly are 🥲. I’ll leave the writing to you and your big beautiful brain (and your other more talented followers). I’ll settle for hype man…did I already mention how talented you are? 🧐 Whenever you get to write your own novel I’ll be first in metaphorical line to buy it 🖤 (what’s that one tik tok trend the 💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥💳…that’s me)

P.S I cannot help but notice you are a Virgo/Libra cusper and to that I say que interestante but only bc I am legally obligated to do so any time I am made aware of someone’s date of birth

Aww thank you!! Sorry I'm nearly a day late in responding to this, but I caught you in the last few minutes of my bday! You're so sweet!

Agh now I wanna go back and reread htss because I remembered getting chills when I wrote those scenes lol. Oof, idk how I'm gonna finish this series, but it always comes together I guess. I love it though when you guys go back and come forward with your theories or opinions. It actually helps so so much!!

I will send my first published book right to your doorstep, lovely. Signed, sealed, delivered haha.

also yes ma'am I am a final day Virgo before Libra takes over, what does that say about me help idk

Hey remember when Biden stopped Line 3 from taking many coal plants worth of pollution through indigenous people’s land where it is likely to ruin their food supplies when it inevitably leaks? Because I definitely don’t

First, in no way should people interpret my reply to that joke as a defense of Biden in every executive decision he has and will make. I said that we have a long way to go to meet the social justice and environmental promises he and other Democrats made.

Second, I hope you continue to fight against Line 3, and I'm pissed it passed. My father grew on a farm in Boy River, MN, and we have close family friends that grew up on the Leech Lake reservation. My family financially supported the fight against it. I'm mad that we continue to run pipelines through indigenous peoples' lands. It's just another way to harm people we have oppressed for hundreds of years, and it does nothing to prevent climate change.

I chose to reply to that joke because I had spent most of the day catching up on political news, and was frustrated by the overall narrative that Biden has been ineffective on all his campaign promises, which isn't entirely true. There have been good things despite centrists and Republicans halting legislation. There have also been some shitty things, and a lack of progress on some very important campaign promises (student loan forgiveness) that could be completed with executive decisions.

Anon, please continue to demand more from your elected officials. Fight for what you believe is right, and vote for who you think can deliver that change. Stay engaged. Part of what was frustrating for me was the lack of political awareness of the people reblogging that joke, and just believing the media narrative that nothing has changed. If it wasn't such a widespread belief, it would not have had 15,000 notes. Speaking of a lack of awareness, after 2000 more notes and 20 anon messages, no one has seemed to notice that I made a mistake in that post: I didnt say that the Build Back bill still has to pass the Senate as of today.

You may be more politically aware than most on this hellsite, Anon. But that original poster doesn't give two shits about politics, as shown by their confusion as to why people were having political discussions in their replies, and has since changed the source post to a Yaoi meme. I dont think you have to worry too much about defending that joke.

Gonna do some game reviews!

Heya people!

I’ve been doing some mindfulness practices to get myself to become less of a socially withdrawn workaholic and more of a lazy nerd again, and one thing I wanna try doing is game reviews! I wanna share my thoughts and totally legit ratings for games I’ve played, on one hand to give myself a reason to play them, on another to make myself actually remember them!

When reviewing games I have played, I review these aspects:

Content

Story

Characters

World (in terms of worldbuilding and credibility of the world in-universe)

Visuals

 Art direction

Graphics

Technical

Gameplay

Difficulty

Accessibility

 Ingenuity

Gimmick

Originality

I use stars to give them ratings:

☆☆☆☆☆ Just overall shitty, broken, uninspired and boring - not even meme worthy. Waste of my time!

★☆☆☆☆ Broken, uninspired and boring. Possibly still meme worthy? So bad it’s good?

★★☆☆☆ Not really enjoyable, but might contain some noteworthy ideas and concepts, which it failed to deliver

★★★☆☆ It’s ok, though fails to stand out. I will probably forget about it.

★★★★☆ Overall enjoyable and memorable. It may have some aspects I don’t like or find inconvenient, but not enough to stain the big picture.

★★★★★ Does everything right to cater to my tastes and catch both my undivided attention and interest, and leaves a lasting impression. If it has any flaws, they are insignificant in my bold opinion.

And today... we start with!!!

I love birds, I love funny things with birds and I love birds in popular media. The Untitled Goose game is deffo up my alley in that sense.

 CONTENT: ★★★★★

This game practices a minimalistic manner in its storytelling and where the core story is simple, it has a surprising amount of depth to it told through the interactive environment with its many little details and characters. A lot of love has been poured into the neighbourhood that the Goose explores throughout the game, with each character entering the frame with a ton of personality and details about their lives, passions and hobbies. No words are spoken throughout the entire experience, yet it is rare treat to see a world so lively and alive within such a simplistic game. It never needed this much detail to be a good game, yet my never-ending thirst for immersion and storytelling in a game makes me appreciate it on a whole different level thanks to the extra effort.

VISUALS: ★★★★☆

Visually the game is very cute and pleasing. Flat base colors with sharp cartoon esque cel-shading is what I live for and I am shamefully easy to win over just by taking this route with any game’s art style. Beyond this, the objects, people and environment are all skilfully crafted, making them a joy to behold while managing to be bold and unique enough to strengthen the game’s visual identity. However, though I admit this is entirely a matter of personal tastes, I am not awarding the game with full 5 stars for visuals. While cute, unique and aesthetically pleasing, I feel like the graphics could still have dared to gone a bit further to give its looks an extra punch and make it all the more memorable for them.

TECHNICAL: ★★★☆☆

I like how interactive the world is! You can bite and drag just about any object around and have fun with your ability to honk and flap. In terms of the Goose’s skillset, the game has a nice amount of complexity to keep the experience fresh without becoming overwhelming. However, the Goose can be a pain in the ass to control at times and the objects can be a chore to get to land in the right place. Furthermore, while the game’s mechanics definitely work and achieve what they were intended for, they don’t really strike me as anything phenomenal or new. You mostly work by carrying stuff around, and the Goose’s ability to drag, carry and drop is not really what I will be remembering this game so fondly for.

INGENUITY: ★★★★★

I get to play as a cute goose and make lovable npcs’ life a living hell? Hell yes. The concept is hilarious and ingenious in all its simplicity and has the power to bring a smile to your face throughout the entire gaming experience. Originally I was intending to award this section four out of five stars but while typing this I came to a realization I did not have really anything negative to say about the originality or the core gimmick of this game. I sure wouldn’t know how to improve it; the Untitled Goose game has secured its spot within the gaming community for a reason and, in my humble opinion, its ingenuity is to thank for it.

 OVERALL: ★★★★☆

A fun, memorable low-effort game to get you both hooked and lift your rainy mood.

anonymous asked:

What are your top 5 favourite Steve scenes across all three seasons?

A very kind anon sent this as an ask but the formatting got screwed up, so I am reposting it- sorry Anon!

Number 5: The Fight

It’s  Steve’s absolute low point as a human being but funnily enough, this scene is where I decided I really love the character. Go figure.

There are so many excellent character moments in this.

You have his weird passivity when it comes to being shitty and how he seems to always try to distance himself from how terrible he, Carol and Tommy act by only tacitly approving of what they say/do like it makes him a better person ( it does not, by the way. People, get out of here with the ‘Well Tommy was the one who actually spray painted everything so it’s not Steve’s fault’ nonsense).

And then you get the second when he snaps and decides to go all-in on being an asshole. The ‘I’m impressed Byers’ speech is amazing because his entire speech pattern changes to deliver it- he gets motor-mouthed as every shitty thing he’s ever thought about saying just pours out of him, because even though he’s decided to go all in on being The Worst some part of him still needs Jonathan to be the one to hit him first to justify the fight to himself.

And my absolute favorite- Tommy stepping in the minute Steve starts to lose and Steve getting pissed at Tommy and pushing him away- he gives up an advantage in favor of keeping things fair and it almost immediately costs him the fight. I think this was the moment where I realized that whatever they were doing with the character from this point on it was going to be a subversion of the shitty 80′s Bully and I was THERE FOR IT.

Number 4: Mom Steve Needs a Yes

I love every single thing about this scene. From the casual Dustin Hat-Pat to the dishrag acting that launched a thousand memes. Character wise we have my favorite thing and something I really want to see more of: Steve trying desperately to be The Adult. I feel like the Steve that very sensibly insists that they are absolutely not under any circumstances going into a bunch of Upside-Down tunnels is a completely different guy than the ‘Sure, let’s track down Russian spies, why not’ Steve in S3.

Speaking of S3...

Number 3: Steve Crashes The Car Into Billy’s To Save Everyone

I just realized I somehow left this off my list of Times Steve Harrington Has Had Almost Supernaturally Good Instincts and that is a crime and I should go to jail.

I don’t have any big character analysis. Just...HOW DID HE DO THIS. This is still the most bad-ass shit I have ever seen. The logistics of pulling this off successfully without killing literally everyone in involved are absolutely bat-shit insane let alone concussed and coming down from an involuntary barbiturate trip.

A couple of people have asked me if when I wrote Steve I intended for him to Shine a little (in the King sense) in my fic and I hadn’t but fuck me, after this scene I sure as hell would.

Number 2: King Steve Snaps

I. Love. This. Scene. This scene is one of the ones that define the character for me.

The problem with S1 Steve is that we get a lot of people talking ABOUT Steve and his position as King of the school, popular, cool, douchebag etc. This scene shows the audience AND confirms for him exactly how bullshit and sad it always was.

Tommy, who going by his wardrobe throughout the season isn’t much less well off than Steve, immediately telling his ‘friend’ who is still covered in blood from getting his ass handed to him how much he owes him for aspirin and a Coke to use as an ice-pack (that amount being the equivalent of about $3.00 today) is an absolutely excellent subtle illustration of how absolutely few fucks Tommy even pretends to give about him.

Steve just being...exhausted by the two of them and himself. There are quite a lot of scenes throughout S1 where his act slips and he actively flinches when the two of them are saying something particularly nasty and his expression here is just finally the pure unguarded misery of not being able to take it anymore.

But he still thinks he can make them stop- he finally stands up as ‘leader’ of the group and asserts authority and immediately finds out he isn’t leader and has none. The range of emotions- going from dismissive to annoyed to fear when he realizes that Tommy is absolutely not playing when he threatens him and that his position as ‘leader’ or even friend is a complete fiction based entirely on doing what the two of them want is just fucking superb.

Billy showing up in S2 was the nail in King Steve’s coffin but this is where he really died.

Love. This. Scene.

Number 1: He’s Awesome!

This could just as easily be Steve Decides To Go Back To Apparently Punch A 9 Foot Monster, Thank God He Found a Nailbat but as much as I love that scene and the Trio, this is the moment that cemented Steve and Dustin as Best Bros forever and for that it gets the top spot. Also it has everything. Steve taking responsibility for the kids, Steve being terrified and doing something stupid anyway, the bat, the return of Steve’s Almost Supernaturally Good Instincts and his being ready to do literally anything to protect his friends, including putting himself bodily between them and death. Peak Steve.

Thanks for the ask Anon! This was...

Everyone on Earth: “WHAT ABOUT THE BATHROOM SCENE”?

Liiiiisten.

I love the bathroom scene. Everyone loves the bathroom scene. People who haven’t even seen the show probably love the bathroom scene. And I love Steve in that scene, his reaction is wonderful and it’s an absolutely beautiful moment that really hammers home that Steve is a ride or die friend who takes people for who they are. That said I consider that very much Robin’s scene, not his so it’s not on the list. 

Thanks for the ask Anon! This was a blast!

Quaranmeme

i was tagged by @stackcats​ about 2 weeks ago (maybe?), which seems like a million years in both tumblr and quarantine time. but i thought - i’m going to do this meme. i’ll come back to it. and here i am - coming back to it. thank you, friend.

p.s. i am reading ‘the long way to a small angry planet’. it’s good so far! 

when was the last time you left your home?

yesterday. i decided to start ‘running’ because i didn’t want to die inside my house - i did this by downloading the ‘couch to 5k’ podcast, which teaches you how to gradually move up to running 5k. i assumed i would be totally fine with at least the first few weeks, as presumably i was fitter than many people who downloaded this podcast - the answer was, of course, no. it’s torture. but i’m through week one... only 8 more weeks to go.

what was the last thing you bought?

i just bought ‘raiders of the north sea’ from my local game shop - they brought it round today. i want them to open again after all this, so trying to buy a lot of stuff. raiders is a good game.

is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

it’s terrible. i want to go back to work and stop doing video calls. the only thing that’s good about it is the expensive cheese i ordered for myself. lots of people at work are genuinely enjoying lots of things about it - which is extra annoying because i’m usually the positive one. this isn’t my brand.

who are you spending quarantine with?

my girlfriend and three cats. all of whom are very nice, but i really hate the video calls.

do you have pets to keep you company?

yes

what are your current responsibilities?

pretty much none, which is terrible because it means i’m angry and tired all the time but i know everyone else has it worse. i lead quite a large team at work, so i guess it’s my responsibility to look after them - saving them from being reassigned to our emergency directorate, making sure everyone has enough work and knows what’s going on, trying to keep morale ok, etc

do you have a room to yourself?

yes - i own a house that has 2 bedrooms and a living room

are you exercising?

i wasn’t - and now i am doing the podcast :/ also, i bought a tiny mobility bike thing to put under the desk. but while it sort of works, it skids around everywhere which is really annoying

town, country, city?

city <3

how’s your toilet paper supply?

very good - we were already getting ours delivered by who gives a crap

what’s the worst thing that you had to cancel?

so far, seeing ‘operation mincemeat’ later this month :( yes - i’ve already seen it three times, but i love it, and the actors are poor and stuff so i wanted to go and see it and give them my money.

what’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

commuting? but actually i quite like that.

who do you miss the most?

the co-workers i do actually still see regularly, but only in stupid video calls that aren’t as fun.

do you have any new hobbies?

no

what are you watching the most?

we just finished rewatching ‘mob pyscho 100′. it was still great. the fact that reigen sort of has a redemption arc, but also sort of... doesn’t, because he’s still shitty/was always great is really smart. it is lovely. if you like steven universe, you should watch it.

also, i’m at least considering each NT Live at Home, The Show Must Go Online, and last night we watched Phantom, live at the albert hall. it was good. 

are you still going to work?

yes. virtually. glad to be paid money, obvs. 

what are you out of?

about to run out of coffee AGAIN but i think it’s about time for one of my two subscriptions to arrive... 

and cereal. i dont think i’ve adjusted to how much cereal i’m eating now i’m home every day.

have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

no. with medium-long curly hair that i stopped bleaching a year ago because i couldn’t afford to drop hundreds of pounds every 6 weeks, and no fringe, i am perfectly positioned to just exist as-i-am until hairdressers open. and this time they can’t even tut about split ends, etc, because it isn’t my fault. :D

a self para in shade claude dawoud

ft. hattie michaelson, because! imagine if i answered memes instead of doing flashback self paras. ugh i’d be too powerful.

It was dark, because it was late, but Claude wasn’t tired because when was he? Constant beast mode, twenty-four seven, three sixty fucking five.

Except, he was sitting down now, because Jesus Christ had he been lifting Hattie on and off for three hours.

“You’re not stretching.” Hattie said. Claude looked at her across from him on the mats, her legs out either side of her in a perfect split that Claude found both impressive and unnecessary. “If you don’t stretch, your muscles are going to –”

“Don’t lecture me about the body, Harriet.” Claude said, although notably he was now straightening from his slumped positioin, legs stretching out in front of himself. “I know all about the body.” 

Hattie didn’t respond to that, which he figured meant she was tired too. On top of their usual sessions, Aunt Alena had the both of them coming along to junior classes to do mini recitals for them, because some of the six year olds needed a little inspiration. I never needed inspiration, Hattie had said, but somehow it was still her and not Sloane who’d ended up getting roped into it. And Claude, because, well, he liked doing shit. Whether it was ballet or track or getting his loved ones in headlocks, Claude was only really fully himself when he was one hundred and ten percent something. Not one hundred and ten percent in something, but really it. When Claude danced, he was swift moving fluid that could snap into graceful lines at will. When Claude ran, he was a system made to pump adrenaline and move muscle to propel itself forward as quickly as possible. 

When Claude got people into headlocks – well actually in those moments, he was just being himself. But he was one hundred and ten percent himself, which was what mattered.

See, Hattie was like him in as much a way as someone who was entirely unlike him could be. Claude understood himself better through understanding his pseudo-cousin. Where he did things to expand, Hattie did things to contain. But they they still both felt an overwhelming desire to do, to keeping doing, to lose themselves inside of it. It was pure fucking chaos to Claude that when he jumped high into the air to do a sissonne, he had to make his body do exactly the opposite of what it wanted, to bend it into a beautiful shape, to make it land on one foot even though every instinct in his body was screaming you’re gonna break your fuckin’ leg. Hattie said she liked it because it meant she was in control. Claude knew that meant she thought sometimes she was gonna break a fucking leg, too. 

So anyway, here they were at eleven at night in the ballet studio that Aunt Alena had left them a key to. It was the third storey of a victorian-imitation building, which mostly just meant the rooms were big and echo-y and the floors were made of cherry wood. Mirrors lined one wall floor to ceiling, paned windows the other, and barres lined pretty much whatever free wall space was left. Street lights were a blur in the sky outside, dwarfed by the bright white light coming from a gentle hum above their heads. 

It seemed like kinda overkill to have the whole studio lit up like this just for the two of them, but a handful of hours ago there’d been a whole class of little kids, and then they’d kinda accidentally burned a few more hours practicing. Which wasn’t really that surprising to either of them. Claude was pretty sure Hattie didn’t spend a single second of her day doing nothing, which, samesies. That was why they always got along in a funny way. The difference was Claude still managed to have a life inside of his doing things. 

“Is Sloane still hanging around Paisley?” 

He bowed forward when he asked it, arms reaching for his toes. A familiar burn washed over the muscles of his lower back, and Claude went further, leaning into the sensation. 

“Hanging around.” He heard Hattie mumble. “Her girlfriend, you mean.” 

“Duh.” He sat back up, tucked his arm behind his head. 

“Yes. I think they’re fairly compatible, actually.” Hattie’s head angled to the left, followed by her torso, and she breathed into a side-stretch. “Sloane’s talking about moving in with her. I think they’re pretty serious.” 

Maybe, maybe not. Truth be told, Claude didn’t really care how serious Sloane was about her relationship. It was just that this was a good way to turn the topic around to that one time when Claude had been at Aunt Alena’s, and Paisley and her brother were there. 

And her sister.

“S’cute.” He said, because it was, right? Young love. And then, in a very casual way, “Does that mean River and Celeste are at yours all the time?” 

Now Hattie curled herself upright to frown at him. “Why would they be?” 

Claude shrugged. “Dunno. Aren’t your moms real close anyway? I thought maybe since a couple of their kids are together –”

“Not true.” Now Hattie listed forward slowly, hair falling in waves around her face before she fluidly came back up again. “I can’t be bothered to have a fake conversation with you. Say what you mean or be quiet.” 

“Dickhead. Can’t I just want to have a conversa–”

“Stop talking, Claude.” 

Fucks sake. He should’ve tried Sloane. “Fine. Fuck.” 

And they were quiet for a couple minutes. Eventually Claude got bored of stretching, leaned back on his elbows and settled for rolling his ankles. He noted that his leotard was too fucking close to his skin colour. Either he had to get a tan or he was buying green leggings. Maybe both. 

Except, now Hattie was looking at him.

“What?” 

“Nothing.”

“Liar! What?” 

“Well, obviously you want to know something about River or Celeste.” Hattie pursed her lips. “I’m just trying to figure out what.”

“I thought you were done with the conversation.”

“Done with you wasting my time, not caring what you had to say.” 

Aw. Claude smiled. “You fucking love me.” 

“I grew up with you. We see a lot of each other.” Hattie said it in the way that she said some things, like they were dismissals rather than just explanations. But Claude wasn’t gonna educate her on the spectrum of human emotion today. He was busy getting what he wanted. “Be honest. You’re interested in Celeste, aren’t you?” 

Celeste. It was such a pretty name. It fit her so well. Like celestial, like heavenly, like stars, like her eyes. 

He said, “Nah.” 

“Then River.”

“What? No.” 

Hattie’s expression turned smug. “So you do like Celeste.” 

“Didn’t I just say no to both?”

“Yes, but you were more incredulous when I asked you about River. Which either means on some level you were already comfortable with the idea of liking Celeste and therefore your reaction was more muted to that suggestion, or you’re a homophobe.” 

“Fuck off! I’m not a homophobe.” Claude sat up, scowling. “My dad’s gay. Both of my dads are gay! And I tell my guy friends I love them all the time!”

Hattie nodded. “So you like Celeste.”

“No!” Claude insisted. Hattie raised her eyebrows. “No.” She raised them higher. “Okay, so?!” 

Hattie sighed. “If you’d just trusted me to begin with, I wouldn’t have had to manipulate you like that. And for the record, saying you don’t like a man doesn’t make you a homophobe.” 

Claude grumbled, “I know that.” 

She shrugged. “Just so we’re on the same page.” 

Fucking Hattie. If she were so smart she would’ve known Claude had been obsessed with Celeste since they were sophmores, anyway. But then again she wasn’t great at those kinds of things, people things. She could tell you the square root of one thousand and forty eight (did all numbers have a square root or just special ones? Fuck if Claude had ever paid attention in, what was it, geometry?) in under five seconds, but put her in the middle of a crowded room with no structure or expectation to deliver a presentation on the solar system, and she was lost. 

He guessed he should give her a break. This was probably a big revelation to her. Maybe he was proud she knew people even liked other people at all. 

“What was it you wanted to know about her, then?” She asked, folding her legs criss-cross applesauce. 

Claude shrugged, easing back onto his palms. He was being coy, of course. He knew what he wanted to hear about. “I don’t know. Just wondered what she was up to. Hey, is she still seeing –”

“She’s still with Sebastian.” 

“Fucks sake.” 

“Yes. I think it’s been,” Hattie paused briefly to frown at the ceiling. “Four and a half years.” 

“They gotta be stale by now.” Claude muttered, which Hattie rolled her eyes at. “Seriously. Who dates someone when they’re fifteen and keeps the magic alive?” 

Hattie pursed her lips. “Sebastian’s nice. Some people like that.”

He scowled. “What would you know about Bash?” 

“Well, he was on the row team all through high school, and he still does it in college, which takes a lot of discipline –”

“Like I haven’t been doing ballet since I was a fucking baby.” 

“— and when I was sick for a week in junior year, he brought me the homework and gave me his notes.” Hattie smiled. “Which was very courteous.” 

He said flatly, “And you somehow stopped yourself from jumping his bones.” 

“I think what I’m communicating to you, Claude,” Oh, she sounded stern. She didn’t like his joke. “Is that there’s very little crossover between you and Sebastian. And even if there was, Celeste seems very happy with him, so I doubt you’d have a chance regardless.” 

Shit news. The same shitty news he’d been getting for years now. 

But Claude could fucking rally. “I have a class with her this year, though. Maybe they’ll be broken up by then.” 

Hattie was getting to her feet. “Unlikely.” 

“Look, science-fucker, isn’t that the whole point of the old man’s cat? Until you see the situation, it has an equal chance of being and not fucking being. Ergo,” Now he was speaking her language, “Celeste has equally dumped and not dumped Bash. I just gotta get in there on the dumped side of things.” 

The look Hatte was giving him was one of – you know what? Claude was gonna call it admiration. 

“Schrodinger’s cat, and that’s not really how it works, no. It’s about the observed electron –”

Claude started getting to his feet, too. “Sparknotes, Harriet.”

“Well, we’ve all observed that they’re together, so as long as you’re causing pandemonium in this timeline? I think you’re out of luck.” 

He grabbed his bag and then Hattie’s, mostly because he knew how much she hated it when he tried to carry her shit for her. He threw them both over his shoulder, even as she tried to grab at hers. 

“So if it’s about being observed,” He said, walking to the door at a very casual pace as Hattie tugged him backward by the straps of their bags, “Then something else can happen unobserved.” 

“You don’t understand Shrodinger’s cat, Claude, stop acting like you d –”

“So maybe she can be with him and not be with him. When no one’s looking. You know?” That was a window.

He’d take that.

can I get uhhhh all the texts

text meme:  accepting  /  @mcntlethemagnificent

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: ayyyyyy get up bitch[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: we gotta go[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: the doctors goneeee[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: but in all seriousness[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: this mustang aint waiting for long.[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: also i got coffee

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: im taking the next bus out of town[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: im really sorry[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i wish i could have said goodbye but i had to get out[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i love you (!)

[  MESSAGE COULD NOT BE DELIVERED.  SERVICE FOR THIS DEVICE HAS BEEN DISCONNECTED  ]

Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. 

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: dont be mad im omw to practice rn[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: will u be less mad if i bring u starbucks?[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: will u be less mad if i promise to blow you after practice?

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: 💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i went into the city today and bought a couple new toys im real eager to try out[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: so i hope youre free next weekend

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i cant sleep[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: im coming over[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: aw shit connor parked behind him[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: fuckit im just gonna walk its nice outside[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: hope i dont get murdered or w/e

Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: wow you really are the big man on campus huh[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: fucking incredible[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: the way youve got two chicks hanging off you[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: very heterosexual[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: youre practically radiating straightness[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: you deserve a fucking oscar award for this one gotta say[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: cant actually tell if youre doing this to piss me off or if you really do have your head this far up your ass.

Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i can literally hear your music blasting your headphones while you lift[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: are you listening to party rock anthem [ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i just got the strongest douche chills[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i am in a douche ice age right now

Send “@” for a SCARED text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: shit shit shit shit sfuck[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i fucked up bad this time[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: oliver came home while i was throwing a party [ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: shooting up[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: and he sorta[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: kicked me out[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i think for real this time[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: fuck me[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: ckfu

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: so[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: i was thinking[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: okay just hear me out[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: maybe[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: when we like[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: go to college next year[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: maybe we could[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: like[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: uh[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: be roommates[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: and like get an apartment together maybe[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: and like[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: live together[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: maybe? [ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: but uh if im like moving way too fast just let me know cause i know thats kinda like a big thing to ask and obviously you dont have to answer right now just uh[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: think about it

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: were you and sweet pea talking shit about me in mandarin[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: or am i just being shitty by assuming that cause you were talking in a language i dont understand that it had to be about me

Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: dude holy shit!![ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: oliver asked if i wanted to come to la this summer[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: /and he asked if i wanted to take you/

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ txt: mia oh my ]: so dont come home tonight[ txt: mia oh my ]: u can kick it at dodgers place tonight right?[ txt: mia oh my ]: cause the metaphorical sock is on the metaphorical door if you get my meaning[ txt: mia oh my ]: my meaning is im totally brining my boyfriend home tonight and we plan on fucking like its the end of the world across multiple surfaces and generally just  debauching about the whole mansion 

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: oliver: ur a worthless freeloading piece of shit[ txt: reg ⚾️❤️ ]: me: lol u rite

joy liveblogs as we like it

04:16:54 a shakespeare adaptation 04:17:23 i thought this would be set today but it's set instead in the near future 04:17:50 yet they still have taxis...well, i guess it's a the near future 04:18:30 this is taiwan? 04:18:37 i really like the weird jazz(?) in the background 04:20:43 lots of people kissing 04:20:58 animation over frames 04:21:19 someone on a scooter just fell in love 04:22:43 ximenting is an internet free zone 04:23:13 so beret girl is celia, rosalind is our main character, romeo(?) is rosalind's ex? 04:24:10 i feel like i'm watching something really strange 04:25:39 feels like i'm watching an anime 04:25:52 also maybe like i'm watching a stage play 04:26:04 everyone is talking so weirdly 04:26:59 quotes from a different shakespeare play 04:27:21 orlando is very dorky, it's good 04:28:30 "you've got a smell" - orlando (2021) 04:31:41 thugs, enter stage left 04:31:50 that's the fanciest distress flare i've ever seen 04:33:17 oliver presents. orlando's (evil?) big bro. is this the blimp we saw earlier? forest of arden project in ximenting 04:34:34 "your fifth first love?" 04:35:21 doxxing for love 04:36:39 peking opera with rosalind and celia 04:37:09 they come across the doxxing for love flyers 04:39:58 orlando gets a part-time courier job 04:40:05 rosalind gets a haircut. omg the nose brushing. "maybe a rose should become a petunia" 04:40:41 wow they're so cute 04:41:04 omg suits 04:41:34 packing with socks! flashbacks 04:42:42 celia's crop top says "you are cute" which is uh, cute. i want that shirt tbh. 04:43:06 fortune-teller visit 04:44:05 is this like actual shakespeare productions where all the actors are dudes 04:44:39 except here they're all women 04:46:34 idk why but orlando's courier job reminds me of the main character's letter-writing job in her 04:48:02 WTF is that. love doll. what an embarrassing thing to have to deliver. 04:49:27 signboards of anti-internet sentiment. "in heaven there is no internet" 04:50:00 omg a man just came out of a tree. or probably that's what happened in actual as you like it. 04:50:25 rosalind, sorry, roosevelt's new job is so...those sequins 04:52:32 everyone here gives such strange love advice, like maybe kind of unhealthy love memes 04:54:42 the pacing is weird, i want it to be faster sometimes, or slower at other times 04:55:02 reminds me of hot gimmick tbh 04:55:39 wise young boy appears again 04:55:55 wo yao yi ge wan zheng de jia. ig orlando's always had a shitty family life. 04:59:39 lamp bump! idk why that was so cute. "wo ai shang le yi ge ren" subtitles say girl but that's a mistranslation 05:00:25 holds the poster by her face 05:00:38 looks at the camera like in the office 05:00:44 "i love girls. he's a boy." 05:04:45 oh that papermaking scene was delicious 05:05:59 this scene feels super religious 05:06:59 what are they doing...this is such a strange scene. 05:07:30 i didn't realize but i guess the lack of internet is a plot device. 05:08:13 omg what is celia doing here. sorry i've never read as you like it, so like. 05:08:31 i recognize the weird music from somewhere i think 05:09:22 omg did celia just sexually assault someone?? surprise kiss. ig oliver was ok with it. "ni ke yi zai weng wo" 05:10:55 why is this place called the google bookstore 05:11:17 "i'm his...son" 05:13:18 i feel like billiards is kind of gay. inherently. but this is extra gay. 05:18:18 the scene with celia and roosevelt was really silly 05:18:32 also this uh, practicing with helmet 05:20:51 weirdly symbolic foot massage scene. heels drawn over rose's feet? rose as a person who is pulled in two directions 05:23:45 sorry this snail animation is so cute 05:25:32 oliver and this advice-giver playing go 05:25:54 awkward restroom scene. sorry this is. this is great. 05:28:13 normally when i see a sex scene in a movie i feel kind of bad for the actors. but that scene in the car must have been pretty fun to film 05:28:35 also i love this cafe. is that a phonograph? sweet. also i really like the barista's floral shirt. 05:30:23 i think this is actually my first exposure to like. ear-cleaning in a romance. it's special. 05:31:07 roosevelt, stop making sex scene noises, it's just an ear-cleaning 05:31:23 i feel bad for the barista 05:32:41 this smoothie stand proprietor is really sweet. i feel like they're on a series of quests. like a video game. 05:33:25 oh haha rose's turn to look at the camera. 05:36:01 back to the grain house 05:36:05 i should really go back and take some screenshots 05:39:30 tearful reunion with father 05:39:37 "illegal gathering" police. 05:41:16 no offense but these mandlelbrot fractals are disgusting 05:43:15 i want to know how much of this is shakespeare and how much of this is this movie 05:45:05 celia is so scary wtf 05:48:09 rose's deception as a way to get closer to orlando. without really showing her/himself. 05:49:14 harvest calendar change 05:51:50 rose gets a reading. as herself. himself. 05:56:41 it should probably be translated as like. goddess? instead of angel. 05:57:00 yeah "let the baby make the decision" 05:57:27 HAHAH 05:57:39 yeah i do get the real shakespeare feeling. like everyone's getting paired up and whatever. 05:57:54 oh god the fact that they're kissing under so many bananas...cute. bananas! 05:58:34 i counted like over four kabedons in this movie wtf 05:59:30 yeah 8 people getting married at the same time, very shakespeare 06:04:00 i did see soe male actors. i think the policemen were played by men? 06:06:55 i didn't mind the weird like, cgi, hand-animations etc. i think i liked the hand-animations more. 06:10:35 not sure how i feel about this movie. very cute, very shakespeare. how do i say like... i'm glad it was made.

colophon: vim and :inoremap <CR> <Esc>:put =strftime('%T ')<CR>A

I've seen a lot of hate for TLJ the today, what with it apparently having a lot of anti-climaxes and abrupt deaths. It's rotten tomatoes viewer score is even lower than TPM - what are your thoughts on all that?

honestly, i think the last jedi is one of the best-constructed, refreshing, and stunning star wars films. i tend to look at hyped up movies for several big factors--entertainment, emotional impact, satisfaction, and sheer artistry. i feel tlj delivered spectacularly on all fronts, especially the art and visuals. i understand why some people may dislike it, but i really cannot fathom all the hate. it had aspects that greatly appealed to every type of sw fan--what went wrong?

i slightly agree with the anti-climax issue, but this is partly due to this movie being SO FUCKING LONG. normally this wouldn't be a problem but damn, they somehow squeezed so much into tlj and it was a little tiring by the end, i admit. i didn't feel fooled or faked out by the possible ending spots, just... "wow, there's more? seriously? i don't think i can handle this." but all in all, i'm glad everything managed to get fit into the final cut, and i feel the ending scene was very appropriate and impactful. and not a cliffhanger! thank god.

there's one thing i want to address, and it's one of my very few complaints--finn and rose's side mission in canto bight. it feels a little forced, and drags on for seemingly ages, the location is a little out of place, and dj is ultimately the reason holdo's plan fails, and... yeah. it's kind of a mess. HOWEVER, there is some important information and developments to come out of this arc, namely, character development.

we learn that finn still tends to sees everything as good/evil, black/white, and he quickly learns that the galaxy is currently a place of moral ambiguity and survival above all. (i particularly like this because it parallels rey's own experience, finding the balance of the force, furthering their connection.) we learn the basics of rose's past, and her own views of the galaxy. above all, we learn that the resistance IS inspiring people--a new generation of force-users, no less!

also--and this is me being me--i like the canto bight arc because now i can call this "the star wars movie to piss off republicans". take that, rich 1-percenters!

also also, i loooove benicio del toro. i accept any shitty excuse to sneak him into a movie.

the various character deaths may come off as abrupt, but besides the major ones (holdo, paige, luke, and even dear old ackbar) and the more graphic ones (THAT PRAETORIAN GUARD WHO GOT SLICED TO BITS OR THE ONE WHO WAS STABBED THROUGH THE GODDAMN EYE), i just sorta... got used to it. it's star WARS, there is war, many many people will die in droves. i'm thankful there's at least some impact this time, as poe's gung-ho hero antics become more costly of lives.

as for the major character deaths, they didn't feel sudden at all? they're well-placed and done very well, with much buildup/aftermath. i don't understand why someone would have that particular complaint, but ah well.

before i wrap up, i just want to say that--from an artistic standpoint--this is, without a doubt, the most visually stunning and memorable sw movie. the colors, the frame work, the settings, the effects... so many, and i mean many, scenes are engraved in my memory now not for the dialogue or impact, but just for... what i was seeing. luke silhouetted against the twin sunset, rey in the force realm, the raddus hyperspacing through the enemy fleet, and my favorite, the terrain of crait.

the fanservice in tlj is, believe it or not, quite restrained. there are few overt callbacks to previous installments, allowing viewers to focus on the story in front of them. no repeated quotes, no hidden memes... just little details that are in line with continuity (the damage on luke's hand from ep6) but not openly displayed in front of you. maybe it'll piss fans off, but i think this was a great decision.

people wanted a star wars movie that was completely classic and star wars-y; they got tfa, and complained it was too similar. people wanted something different and unique for star wars; they got tlj, and complained it was too different. the fans will truly never be satisfied, indeed.

i really don't understand all the hate. i wish people could appreciate tlj as a good movie in its own right, instead of bashing it for not being what they wanted out of the star wars saga.

two birds pt 1 (Trixya) - trixiespads

(AN: this is part one of a two part fic. This is not my first trixya but it is my first submission to AF. please enjoy!)

“It’s two weeks.”

“Ya, two fuckin weeks, bitch! Think about all the memes you’re gonna miss out on. All the drag names I’m gonna come up with while you’re gone. What the fuck.”

Katya rolls her eyes but there’s mirth as she folds her yoga pants and slides them into the suitcase. Her glasses slide down her nose and before she knows it there’s Trixie’s delicate little man hand sliding them back up into place from where she sits cross legged on the bed next to the case. Husband. For fucking real. She looks tired, exhausted in her own right from doing the same amount of touring but even in this lighting she looks pretty - cheeks were sunken in a little, she doesn’t eat well on the road despite Katya harassing her. It makes her stomach ache a little bit, but Trixie does as Trixie does.

Katya just smirks, lack of mirth in the corners of her mouth - more amusement than adoration, and then sighs.

“You’re gonna be fine. You can still text me! Jesus.”

“And look like an asshole while iMessage tells me ‘delivered’ and not ‘read?’ I’m not that desperate, okay. I guess I’ll just have to miss you like some kind of pilgrim. This is ridiculous. You promised. I feel like Roxxxy at a bus stop.”

“AAAAH! Oh my god, you wretched whore! She cried, those were real tears!”

“Ya, and so will mine be when you ditch me for hippes!”

She looks fucking petulant. Like a child. Katya’s heart aches for a second. Only a second. She’s stronger than that.

“Bitch, you can always come with me!”

“BITCH, does this hog body look like it does yoga? Who you think I am?”

Katya, is again, rolling her eyes and she punctuates her discontent with the slam of the suitcase closed.

“It’s two weeks. You will live.”

“I’m gonna die, you mean.”

“Will you really die without me, Tracy? Who’s gonna drive me to the airport? Certainly none of the other friends I have that I don’t care about.”

Trixie raises both eyebrows and truly looks like a petulant housewife who got the credit card taken away from her - legs crossed at the ankles, short shorts that show off that fucking tan, the muscles in her arms after that tempestuous, arduous fitness journey. Katya narrows her own eyes in response and desperately tries to ignore the stirring in her stomach.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. Now, give mama a kiss.”

Trixie purses her lips but does as she’s told, sits up on her knees and presses a kiss to Katya’s cheek. Trixie grimaces against the rough grain of her stubble.

“Now, there’s a good girl. You gonna drive me to the airport or make me take an uber?”

—–

It’s not fair.

Louisiana is boring but shows are not and every time she texts Katya there’s no one there on the other end and she sulks. She’s not used to not getting 18 texts in a row from Katya’s never ending stream of consciousness about whatever new topic she’s on next. If they thought UNHhhh was bad, they should see their texts. Or, maybe they shouldn’t, because there is quite possibly some incriminating things in here.

It’s been three days and it’s already been three too long. Sure, they go months without seeing each other only to meet back up again for filming, but Katya is always AVAILABLE. She always texts, she always calls, she always FaceTimes. Right now, Trixie is alone with self-indulgent thoughts about what Katya would do if Trixie disappeared for two weeks on a yoga retreat.

Not that that would ever happen.

But still.

She’s playing through her album, writing new things, just messing with her guitar when the FaceTime ringtone starts blaring. She reaches for it and when she sees it’s Katya she drops everything and slides to answer.

“Barbara, I’m stretching again!”

“I hate you and I miss you. Are you done yet?”

Katya rolls her eyes in the shitty lighting, but she’s grinning. “It’s only been three days! Shut up! What are you doing?”

“I was playing guitar and brainstorming my suicide note. What are you doing?”

“I was playing with my pussy and brainstorming MY suicide note! What a coincidence! I miss you, too, Trixie. How’s the gig?”

Trixie smiles, this time it’s a warm smile because she does miss Katya, and it’s crazy that this time it feels a hundred times worse.

“It’s great, but nothing is truly great when you miss your stupid best friend. How’s your fitness journey? Are you high? Did everyone bring weed?”

Katya grins back at her. “Yes, there’s weed, but no I’m not high right now. Stone cold sober. I’m trying to stay sober for this retreat. It’s something stupid I’m trying: health. Crazy fad all you millennials keep hyping up.”

“She says with a cigarette between her fingers.”

“I never said I was smart.”

“You never said you weren’t, either. But, I hope you’re having fun.”

“I am, and I’ll be back before you know it, okay? I just wanted to call and make sure you were still alive. I love you.”

Katya says it and Trixie’s stomach drops. Her mouth goes dry and a blush is creeping across her cheeks and the world turns upside down and her heart falls out of her asshole and… and….

“I love you, too, Katya. Call me when you can. Good night.”

“Good night, love.”

The screen goes black.

—–

Trixie wants to die. Metaphorically. Not literally. Because when your best friend tells you they love you it should mean nothing more than that - a platonic declaration of true non romantic feelings you have for someone you hold dear. It shouldn’t feel as though you’ve been drowning your whole life and the minute that other person says it, it feels like they grab you by the collar and pull you up for air. Was Katya the breath she needed all along? What’s really fucking gay about this is that the day seems brighter. Colors seem more vibrant. Her heart is light.

But, also, there’s the existential dread she feels in her bones at the thought of everything she knows, loves, and holds dear crashing down on her and her entire life getting ruined because she fell in love when it was only ever platonic.

Katya comes back today and she’s spent two weeks reading into absolutely everything Katya has ever said or done that could possibly mean she loves Trixie, too. What’s super immature is that she doesn’t have the guts to ask Katya herself - she just reads fan theories and watches videos of Katya talking about wanting to fuck Trixie. There’s wanting to fuck and there’s wanting to be in love. Trixie can’t just fuck her. She can’t. She’d die every day until she died if Katya ever fucked her once and then left her. She’d never be the same and she curses the part of her brain that tells her she has to love someone before she can give herself to them, but then again just fucking Katya would never satisfy her. She wants to love Katya. She wants to pick her up from the airport and cook her dinner. She wants to slide her arms around Katya from behind while she’s doing the dishes and kiss her neck. She wants to lay with Katya on the couch and watch MASH with her. She wants to smell Katya’s morning breath. She wants to get into stupid couples fights with her.

She wants to exist with her.

She’s at the gate waiting, backwards hat, tank top and all. She thanks god that no ones recognized her out of drag and prays that no one does. She wants this moment to be between them.

Moment? What the fuck.

Trixie shoves her hands into her pockets and paces. She’s making this a bigger deal than it is. They’re best friends. Ya, fuck Tracy for figuring out she’s in love with her. Has she always been? Probably!

No one ever said Tracy was smart.

Trixie has her back to the gate so when she feels two arms snake around her middle and a dick press between her asscheeks she screams - literally.

Katya is behind her fully losing her shit, laughing so hard she might be crying.

“Katya, what the fuck?!”

“Boner city!”

Trixie has to stop herself from screaming more, and she slaps Katya on the arms before pulling her into a hug. Katya’s hands go straight for Trixie’s ass - not a single fuck given for the myriad of people watching Trixie get harassed.

“I’m sorry, it’s been two weeks and I’m so horny right now.”

“You’re fucking gross.”

Katya looks completely different yet completely the same - the usual sunkenness of her eyes has depleted. She looks like she’s gotten actual sleep. Katya smells like lavender and it irritates her that she likes it so much. Katya looks completely rested and rejuvenated and Trixie is only a little jealous. Katya’s arms snake around Trixie’s neck and they hug for a long moment this time, bodies pressed together from chest to groin, taking deep breaths, breathing each other in. Katya smells like lavender and wood, fresh air and cotton. This is so gay.

“I missed you.”

“You’ve been without me before. You went a whole 24 years without me before we met.”

They finally pull away and Katya is grinning, ear to ear. She looks happy. Trixie wonders if it has anything to do with her.

“Ya, and I wasn’t famous or rich before I met you so look at me now. Now you know why I missed you so much!”

Katya just shakes her head and laces her fingers with Trixie’s. “I’m starving - take me home and we’ll order pizza.”

—–

They’re sitting on the couch laughing so loud the neighbors might call the cops soon. Trixie’s face and chest are warm from the wine and Katya is loose and tangle-free from the weed. They’ve slipped right back home into whatever they were before. Trixie feels weird and she isn’t sure if she’s drunk or not. She’s a bottle and a half in but she feels calm, not drunk.

“What’s wrong, Tracy? You keep looking at me like that.”

Trixie rolls her eyes and pours herself another glass of Rosé. “I’m not looking at you any type of way! I’m just happy you’re back. Neither of us are leaving the state for a week. I’ve got you back and I’m taking advantage of it. Do you want more water?”

Katya shakes her head. “No, I’m fine, but you look very deep in thought. Share with the class, please?”

“I don’t know, I just - I don’t know. I missed you.”

“You keep saying that.”

Katya’s tone seems pointed. She leans forward to grab her pack of cigarettes and makes gornthe balcony without saying another word. Trixie let’s her alone and watches her from the couch. The cigarette is second nature to Katya - she wields it with a reckless abandon that seems like she’ll drop it any moment, but she knows exactly what she’s doing. She’d never let it fall. Her left arm is crossed over her chest and her right is resting on it, easy access to the cigarette as she gazes out at the cityscape.

Trixie is aching. She needs to be honest. She follows Katya outside, wine glass in tow.

“So why did we never try it?”

“What, you being honest with me?” Katya doesn’t even look over at her.

“Ouch. You ever think that some things aren’t your business?” That gets Katya’s attention. Her head snaps over. She looks like she’s been slapped. “Why are you mad at me?”

“Trixie…” Her face softens and she ditches the cigarette, douses it with her shoe. “I’m not… you’re acting weird. You’ve been getting like this lately. I wanna know what I did wrong. I’m a grown man, you can tell me. You’re my best friend. Aren’t we supposed to, like… tell each other shit? Are you really that pissed at me for going on the retreat?”

“Oh, my god. No. I get it, I’m younger than you, but do you really think I’m immature to boot? If that’s what we’re doing then tell me - did you fuck anyone on that retreat?”

Katya’s jaw drops. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. Why is that any of your business? Why do you care?”

“No fuckin’ reason. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t bring anything home.” Trixie leaves Katya and her jaw out on the balcony and goes back inside. Her blood is boiling, her heart is racing, and she wants to cry. Maybe she is drunk. She grabs the wine bottle and goes into the kitchen to dump the liquor out. She is trying to breathe deeply, desperately trying to find herself again. She hears the glass door slide open and closed, and she hears Katya’s feet slapping against the hard wood into the kitchen.

“That was too far.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I’m gonna go.”

Trixie’s heart falls out of her asshole.

“Um, please don’t do that?” Trixie turns around and sees that Katya’s eyes are wet. Now they’re both gonna start fucking crying. Welcome home, Katya. “Please don’t fucking do that. Please. I’m sorry, and I’m… I think I’m drunk. I’m sorry.”

“What is your problem, Trixie? I go away for two weeks and tell you about one guy and as soon as I get home you do this. I don’t understand. We are not a thing, Brian.”

“So, tell me why. Tell me why we’ve never tried it!”

“Don’t act like I’ve never tried, girl. ‘Oh, it’s professional. Oh, it’ll mess things up. Oh, it’s weird for me.’ I tried, and you were never interested.” Trixie stays silent and Katya’s eyes grow wide again. “Oh, don’t you fucking tell me you’re interested now, Brian. What the fuck?”

Trixie bites her lip. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be. How long?”

“What-”

“You know exactly what I’m asking. How long, Brian?”

Trixie won’t meet his eyes. “A while.”

“How long is a WHILE, Tracy?! A month? Years?!”

“Oh, okay, cool! Don’t fuckin’ yell at me! Probably since forever! I was probably born with a predisposition for you! It’s been a fuckin’ while and god forbid I listen to my gut or my brian for once and finally realize that I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can say. There you go.”

It’s Katya’s turn to be silent. She doesn’t say anything, she just studies Trixie’s face.

“I’ve loved you since you told us you were a hair and makeup artist in the workroom. Since fucking Fame asked you for a Red Bull. It’s been forever for me, Trixie. Through everything, it’s been forever.”

It’s a pure love, Trixie realizes - the kind that loves you even when you don’t deserve it. Trixie didn’t.

“I can’t… I can’t do this, though, Katya. You of all people can’t break my heart. I’m… that I am not strong enough to survive. I could live with loving you and never getting to show you, but I can’t live with knowing that you’re gonna hurt me.”

Katya nods. “I’m… I’m a drug addict. You know that. I’m… not the best at making decisions. I act impulsively. I sleep around. I’m 34 and have yet to have a serious relationship. But I know that I’m in love with you and that I want to be with you.”

“You can’t just fuck me and then only see me for filming. You can’t do that to me. You can’t keep fucking random trade on the road.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I won’t fuck random trade anymore. I won’t love you and leave you, but you gotta understand - I’m fucking scared. I’m so terrified. You’re the first person in my life that’s ever understood me in the way that you do and I’m so scared to let you in and then you realize how insane I truly am and you break my heart. You can’t break mine either.”

“No promises, then.”

Trixie takes a step forward. There are no cameras here, no fans to please and no press to impress. They’re alone, truly. This won’t be for the butt of a joke or for laughs on screen. Trixie feels like she’s gonna have a god damn heart attack.

“No promises.”

Brand Twitter, please stay away from the 2020 election

Brands are coming for the 2020 national election, whether you like it or not.

Don't believe me? Take a look at how brand Twitter has evolved in the past few years. We started off 2017 with MoonPie, a graham cracker marshmallow dessert, telling absurd jokes on Twitter. It was slightly annoying to watch a brand co-opt a joke format beloved by millennials, but it was largely benign. By 2018, brand Twitter's voice had gotten bolder, more sophisticated, and more intimate: The maker of the Honey Bun, for example, was now offering relationship advice.

Then, in 2019, all hell broke loose after SunnyD initiated a "humorous" conversation about depression.

SEE ALSO: Surreal memes deserve their own internet dimension

It was a watershed moment. But it wasn't a surprise. Over the past two years, brand Twitter has developed an increasingly provocative, personal, and supposedly millennial-friendly voice. Given how invasive they've become, it's highly likely that our upcoming election will be their next grand social project.

Here's my ask of brand Twitter as we hurtle toward what may be the most important election of our lifetimes: Leave politics the hell alone.

This election doesn't need brand voices. Full stop.

Brands during the 2016 election were less invasive than they are now. They were still annoying.

2016 brand Twitter was hardly the highly evolved beast it is today. Still, we heard from companies across social platforms, including both YouTube and Twitter, during campaign season.

In 2016, the "political" message of brands generally fell into one of two categories: a call to their followers to vote, or a plea for their followers to "reach across the aisle." The former is innocuous, even pro-social; the latter is much more complicated territory for corporations. Reaching across the aisle can sometimes mean "accepting" the other party's positions as morally neutral or simply different — even when those positions threaten real violence. And corporations aren't necessarily the best mediators for this complicated political conversation.

Case in point: Do you remember when Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen participated in a Bud Light-sponsored political ad campaign? I do, because I haven't been able to successfully wipe it from my memory. The two comedians attempted to "reach across the aisle" and address issues of interest to all Americans. The concept was milquetoast, and the campaign tanked and ended early. Be grateful.

JetBlue had a similar campaign in which they encouraged voters to "reach across the aisle," ideally to help reduce political polarization. And through JetBlue's experiential marketing program, voters could potentially win a free flight!

Three cheers for democracy, everyone!

Then there's Izod, which put viral star and undecided voter Ken Bone in their get-out-the-vote campaign. In the the company's defense, Bone was the perfect icon for brand activism: a largely neutral, celebrated figure who thought "both sides" had issues and strengths, and who initially kept his general election vote private.

It's tricky for brands to know how they should operate in our current political environment, especially on social platforms. But for Kenneth McCarthy — the person behind do-no-harm troll persona, Ken M, known for his good-natured teasing of corporate brands — the boundaries are clear: Even the most basic level of political engagement is too much. 

McCarthy's troll persona is light-hearted. McCarthy the person is serious. He loathes the dominant role corporations play on our social platforms, especially when it comes to politics.

"The values of advertising are antithetical to democratic values," McCarthy told Mashable in a phone interview. "I can't imagine a positive marriage of two. I'm really having trouble thinking of a good way [the brands] could advertise that would be for the public good."

Brands are now increasingly personal and bold on Twitter

McCarthy's concerns are well placed. We've come a long way from MoonPie's playful Twitter persona. 

Steak-umm's Twitter monologue in September of 2018 was a tipping point. The brand went into an explosive, Network-style monologue about why millennials build relationships with brands: because they're alienated from everything else. They don't have access to good jobs or mental health services. They have Steak-umm.

why are so many young people flocking to brands on social media for love, guidance, and attention? I'll tell you why. they're isolated from real communities, working service jobs they hate while barely making ends meat, and are living w/ unchecked personal/mental health problems

— Steak-umm (@steak_umm) September 26, 2018

they grew up through the dawn of internet culture and have had mass advertising drilled into their media consumption, now they're being resold their childhoods by remakes, sequels, spinoffs, and other cheap nostalgia, making them more cynical to growth or authenticity

— Steak-umm (@steak_umm) September 26, 2018

they often don't have parents to talk to because they say stuff like "you don't know how good you have it," and they don't have mentors to talk to because most of them have no concept for growing up in this strange time, which perpetuates the feeling of helplessness/loneliness

— Steak-umm (@steak_umm) September 26, 2018

  no soundcloud to add here. at the end of the day it’s easy to tweet about problems and complain about “the other,” it’s a lot harder to improve the self and work toward solutions be encouraged and have hope my beeflings, the world needs it

— Steak-umm (@steak_umm) September 26, 2018

For all the likes Steak-umm earned, they also received plenty of scorn. And their rant made one thing clear: Millennial despair sells.

It wasn't long after that that brands started to get more intimate with their audience on Twitter. Look at what happened during Super Bowl 2019, when SunnyD seriously-or-farcically posted a cry for help on Twitter.

I can’t do this anymore

— SUNNYD (@sunnydelight) February 4, 2019

Other brands immediately started piggybacking on the tweet. It was Little Debbie that took the spectacle a step further, offering more serious "wisdom" about depression before ultimately taking the tweet down.

"Depression shouldn't be a #brand engagement strategy," Eater wrote of the incident.

A line had been crossed, perhaps permanently. Kenneth McCarthy believes brands have become increasingly aggressive on social platforms.

"It's very ballsy what they're doing and it's gotten more audacious," McCarthy told Mashable. "The kind of audacity we're talking about, it's just shockingly bold ... I get chills thinking about the kind of conversations that led to this outcome."

Brad Kim, Editor-in-Chief of Know Your Meme, the internet meme database, agrees:

"Brands are getting personal and more individual. They're taking a page off parody accounts. They feel that, 'If we don't do that, somebody else who doesn't represent us will.'"

The consequences of this assertive engagement strategy are serious. If brands joke about depression on Twitter, where will they stop?

#BrandTheVote

We're more than a year and a half away from the 2020 election, but companies have already started to broach the topic on Twitter. 

In January of this year, Pop-Tarts made an announcement on Twitter: "Hello I am considering a presidential run in 2020. Please RT if you would support this endeavor for me." The tweet proceeded to get over 33,000 retweets and 57,000 likes. It was so popular it surpassed the number of likes Howard Schultz's announcement received on the platform.

"It was lighthearted the way they engaged. It was throwing shade at Schultz," Kim told Mashable. "It ended up delivering a satirical and sharp-witted jab at the Starbucks CEO. But it also gained non-partisan support by trivializing how much brands engage with politics."

Just look at the fallout. Multiple snack brands jumped onto the thread, either declaring support for Pop-Tarts or promising to run on their own.

Only if we are your VP 😉

— Hostess Snacks (@Hostess_Snacks) January 28, 2019

Meet the next vice president of the United States, Hostess Snacks. You know Hostess — they're the makers of the Twinkie.

It wouldn't be a branded Twitter thread if Steak-umm didn't have something to add.

we announced our running last april this is a declaration of war

— Steak-umm (@steak_umm) January 28, 2019

I know what you're thinking: the Pop-Tarts tweet is a joke. And it is. But look at the type of feedback it received from people on Twitter. Users loved it.

This is the debate campaign the people want to see.

— RAndrewCastel (@RAndrewCastel) January 28, 2019

I'm tired of presidents. It's about time we got a king. @BurgerKing

— Zed Sez (@NissZedX) January 28, 2019

All of this drama is happening against a backdrop of real voter apathy. Just 58.1 percent of America's voting eligible population turned out to vote in 2016, a drop in turnout from 2008, when 61.6 percent of voting eligible people turned out to vote, and down even from 2012, when 58.6% did. 

America needs as much voter engagement as they can get. Pop-Tarts' faux candidacy cheapens the political conversation and dulls the national urgency.

"First of all, brands shouldn't be on social media at all," McCarthy told Mashable. "They don't do anything or provide any public service ... If they want to ride or highjack these political conversations —and they probably can't take sides — the [best] they can do is offer platitudes about unity. I'd prefer that they just completely disappear from the conversation. The stakes are so high in this [upcoming] election, anything that social media did, or brands on social media did, would exploit it. Cheapen it. They'll exploit this crisis we're in politically." 

'Ya hear that brands? Just leave our shitty election alone.

How to protect yourself from brand Twitter

The chances that brands won't participate in our upcoming national election are low. Maybe it'll come in the form of a fake Steak-umm presidential campaign. Maybe we'll all have to participate in a Hostess-sponsored Twitter poll about whether Sunny D should run for office given their past history of depression. Maybe Little Debbie will moderate a debate with all the other snack brands.

The possibilities are endless — and bad.

The only way to partially protect yourself from brand Twitter in the upcoming election is to rob them of engagement.

"Even a ratio'd tweet [an unpopular tweet that has disproportionate number of comments compared to likes] can still be viewed as a positive if the goal is to be disruptive and rise above the clutter," McCarthy said. "The best thing to do is to not come after brands in an outrage. Unfollow them. Aggressively ignore them. Aggressively not engage the brands."

We can't stop the brands from exploiting our upcoming election to build brand engagement. So we have only one option: to ignore them all. 

#AggressivelyIgnoreTheBrands2020

WATCH: Why major brands are heading to crowdfunding sites for product development insights — MashTalk

Column: Favorite Rap Mixtapes of March 2017

With a daunting cascade of releases spewing from the likes of DatPiff, LiveMixtapes, Bandcamp, and SoundCloud, it can be difficult to keep up with the overbearing yet increasingly vital mixtape game. In this column, we aim to immerse ourselves in this hyper-prolific world and share our favorite releases each month. The focus will primarily be on rap mixtapes — loosely defined here as free (or sometimes free-to-stream) digital releases — but we’ll keep things loose enough to branch out if/when we feel it necessary. (Check out last month’s installment here.) --- --- Truman Snow - Kingdom Heartless [stream] It’s the trap on candid camera in a reality TV movie, not Menace II Society or Snow on tha Bluff, but The Truman Show, except the cast of friends, neighbors, and family casually advertise illicit substances instead of cleaning products and lawnmowers, and everybody’s armed to the grill. It’s a winter in the Taiga completely isolated from civilization for the chance to win a stack, but the show gets canceled, the lenses in the trees go dark, and no one bothers to tell the contestants. It’s technicolor carnage visited upon greyscale fantasy, i.e. Connecticut. –Samuel Diamond --- Caleb Giles - Tower [stream] Above all else, Tower harks back to an era when rap was more about focusing on what was in front of you as opposed to what might otherwise be experienced on a virtual platform, and in this case, that’s the Bronx. On his debut mixtape, Caleb Giles ensures a gritty listen, even when punctuated through his smooth, pronounced vocals and snippets of jazz instrumentation. Giles challenges the comforts and securities that are sometimes hinted at when contemplating one’s home city, focusing on the trials and tribulations that impinge on his own aspirations. “I can’t do anything but rhyme,” he spouts on “YBR” amidst pitched-up vocals and carefully spliced beats and clicks, hinting at his own determination while experimenting profoundly with the productions that wrap around his thoughtful flow. The mixtape is a solid listen that remains concise across each track in terms of content and production. “Valley” is a personal favorite, where a public service announcement melds with antagonistic conversation. “I know I’ve been a little dismissive, but I’ve just been searching for a bigger pot to piss in,” Giles snaps before his voice crackles and fades — it’s a fleeting moment, but one that one that stays true to the mixtape’s theme and the direction that this young rapper is headed. –Birkut --- CHXPO - SAUCE FOR SELL [stream/download] “Vitalists have argued for 40 years that postwar art’s ultimate expression will be a kind of enormous psychosocial excrement. The real aesthetic, conscious or otherwise of today’s best serious rap may be nothing but the first wave of this Great Peristalsis.” – David Foster Wallace, Signifying Rappers In a post-Lil B era, prolificacy seems more like a byproduct of exorcism than the exuberant mixtape manna once lavished by The BasedGod upon his loyal followers. There’s only so much information one can process in the digital realm before resorting to desperate measures of discharge. Cleveland-native CHXPO’s a human kidney when it comes to waste filtration, honing in on moments of improvised vitriol and pasting them into cathartic patchworks. Six (entirely-freestyled) mixtapes into 2017, the Black Money Boys Death Row affiliate treads the artistic path of Warhol and the technological vision of Musk: Sauce For Sell is a product of automaton creativity, produced, packaged, and shipped as efficiently as possible. If a recycled verse or two rises to the surface mid-process, so be it. Quantity over quality. Quantity and quality. Invest in Neuralink today. “The angels respect me / The demons protect me.” – CHXPO - “BVNDGXD” –Jude Noel --- The Noise Above - Blossom! [stream/download] Unlike memes, a creed does not degrade upon repetition. Take 1990s jazz-tinged hip-hop as an example; the two decades transpired have turned it as much a tradition as the rare groove tracks it originally sampled. New York-based producer The Noise Above qualifies as a third inheritor in such lineage, his latest mixtape Blossom! boasting the soulful vibe and melodious rhyming of its East Coast forbears. With a richer production and a more seasoned flow than his previous releases, Blossom! highlights the evolution of The Noise Above as an artist who’s maybe two or three mixtapes away from his mainstream breakout. With lots of pop hooks and clever lyrical turns in his tracks, what weighs him down is a compulsion to overdo things production-wise and the restlessness of someone who knows he’s poised for greatness but anxious because the future takes too long to materialize. With killer tracks like “RACE,” “What if?,” or “Lemon king” announcing there’s more fire from whence they came, some patience would no doubt go a long way for the young New Yorker. –jrodriguez6 --- Lil Durk - Love Songs For The Streets [stream/download] After weathering some career-growing pains and serious personal losses within the past few years, Lil Durk found himself on something of a back-to-basics winning streak à la Monster-era Future at the outset of the 2017, building on the slow-burning success of last summer’s refreshingly no-bullshit LilDurk2x album with a scorching, taut return to street rap on November’s They Forgot mixtape. Love Songs For The Streets thankfully continues in this crossovers-be-damned vein, offering up precisely what the title implies in a brief but electrifying set of tracks. Love and respect for the wisdom that can only be gained through loss and struggle is what has always fueled Durk’s best songwriting, and for new listeners and old fans alike, it is strangely affirming to hear the rapper speak humbly and candidly about the disillusionment and loss of intimacy that has come with success. “Better,” the tape’s brittle, cold centerpiece and most potent track, is just one of several odes therein to the bittersweet, lean-clouded freedom experienced on the opposite end of a betrayal: “You were my brudda/ Changed on me for that chedda/ You were my brudda/ We can do better.” –Nick Henderson --- Slug Christ - It’s Colder at the Bottom of the Shower [stream/download] Slug Christ’s return to non-feature work in 2017 is a quick five-track EP dealing directly with his troubles with addiction: emotional and chemical, mostly. The first four tracks have Slugger reflecting on his heroin addiction, which is explicitly noted in nearly every mixtape dating back five years. In the same recovering imagery as It’s Colder at the Bottom of the Shower, “Scraped Me Off The Pavement” and, more directly, “At The Bottom” and “I Been Tryna Get Clean” are devil-off-the-shoulder interpersonal conflicts of love and relapse. The closer “Gamecube” seems like a hang-on, with the only real correlation between it and the rest of ICATBOTS (holy shit that acronym) being L.A. producer Nedarb. It’s another Christ banger. Praise the man. Hopefully, Slug’s still trying. Hopefully he’s still kicking it with the shawty that saved him. And hopefully you’ll go find him on the East Coast tour he’s on right now. –Monet Maker --- ۞ pvps ۞ - 2K17 GLO [stream] 2011. Washed Out’s Within and Without on my iPod Touch against the stitching of my blue Oxford. Breathe in. New car smell. Old Navy warehouse smell. Synths like 2-in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner webbing my fingers. Bass like an oscillating fan on a humid night. Yacht-rock trap jams to wax upper-middle class to. Dig it. –Jude Noel --- Devin the Dude - Acoustic Levitation [stream] Affectionately nicknamed “your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper,” Devin the Dude’s unique delivery and ear for production brought his self-deprecating brand of weed rap a degree of critical respect he probably wouldn’t have anticipated prior to the success of 2002 singles “Lacville ‘79” and “Doobie Ashtray,” respectively about driving a shitty car and people smoking all your weed. Quietly beloved by rappers and fans with a rapper-like interest in his wonky flow, Devin has nonetheless spent his career relegated to a niche. Acoustic Levitation, his first project in four years, is true to his principles in a way that, as before, makes a case for their appeal outside of the narrow window afforded him. Particularly benefiting “Can I” and “Apartment #8216,” its basslines are appropriately sticky, and Devin’s flow hasn’t budged an inch; if you don’t like his mid-2000s output, Acoustic Levitation won’t change your mind about Devin the Dude. “All I need is good weed, and I’m cool man,” etc. For me, though, and because the game hasn’t been fair to him, his consistency is well worth celebrating. –Will Neibergall --- Lil Uzi Vert - Luv Is Rage 1.5 [stream/download] There’s always been a hint of melodrama to Lil Uzi Vert’s sound amidst his array of malleable flows and quick-hit punchlines, but it’s generally carried a cartoonish element to it that’s thwarted any sense of urgency (see: “You Was Right”). And while Uzi’s Luv Is Rage 1.5 delivers three quality head-nodders mixing humor and sentimentality, the project’s breakout single “XO Tour Llife3” steals the show, finding rap’s rising star at his most revealing. Gone is any hint of a tongue placed in cheek, instead replaced by a raw, melodic warble of a performance that lays all out bare; the end of its first verse is outright heart-wrenching as he croons, “She say I’m insane yeah, I might blow my brains out, Xanny help the pain yeah, Please Xanny make it go away,” only to be emotionally bested by the cry of “All my friends are dead” with a cadence more likened to emo than hip-hop. Uzi’s usual brand of pop rap is a consistent, comfortable machine that’s always fun at the very least, but his most thrilling moments from a critical perspective occur when he takes risks like “XO Tour Llife3.” Here’s to hoping they won’t be hidden within SoundCloud mini-mixtapes in the future. –Mike Giegerich http://j.mp/2oH5i46