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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 5 years

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This livestream features a 'poly' bald eagle throuple raising a family

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Some eagles are just too radical to be confined by heteronormative bird monogamy.

Consider this "polyamorous" family of bald eagle trailblazers, featuring two male eagles, Valor I and Valor II, and one female eagle, Starr, located in Southern Illinois near the upper portion of the Mississippi River.

While some people have been following the non-traditional family for years, the Stewards of the Upper Mississippi River Ridge, an educational non-profit dedicated to the region, just posted a new livestream of the eagle family for nesting season.

SEE ALSO: Femme birds, butch owls, and lesbian frogs: Meet the queer animals of Instagram

To be clear, the eagle family isn't representative of a traditional polyamorous throuple in the human sense. The throuple doesn't live in Brooklyn and they aren't searching for mates on Eagle Tinder.

The three adult eagles take care of three recently hatched eagle chicks. Parenting responsibilities are fairly neatly divided. The eagle parents take shifts taking care of the eagle chicks. That doesn't mean that everything is harmonious in the home — eagles will sometimes nudge other eagles, passive-aggressively, to do their part.

"During any given shift change at the nest, the relieving adult will land in the nest and nudge the incubator to take over duties," the U.S. Fish and Wildlife service said in a statement. "If nudging doesn’t work, then more aggressive moves such as walking on the tail feathers or back of the unrelenting incubator is conducted. If still no movement, the reliever will snuggle against the incubator and wait for an attitude change."

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service stressed that while it wasn't all that uncommon for more than two eagles to parent, it was strange to see such "teamwork" among the two males.

"The original trio formed in 2013 after the female chose a new mate," the U.S. Fish and Wildlife writes. "Even though the original male, known as Valor I, had been replaced by a new male, known as Valor II, he hung around the nest throughout the breeding season and was assumed to be engaged in the nest."

Valor I and Valor II have been through a lot since 2013. Originally, the two male eagles were nesting with a female eagle named Hope. Sadly, Hope was killed by another eagle in March of 2017, and Starr, the current female of the nest, was introduced in September of that year.

It's a beautiful story. Stop whatever dumb Netflix show you're watching and watch this livestream instead.

This is a truly modern family.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 5 years

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Goodbye, 'Broad City'. Your queerness was a gift.

Thanks to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Jonathan Van Ness' round-the-clock Instagram stories, and ice skating demigods like Adam Rippon, queer men are having their moment in the spotlight.

Queer women, meanwhile, are relying on old DVDs of The L Word and erotic fantasies of the upcoming reboot.

Sure, between The Fosters and Orange Is the New Black, there have been plenty of shows that feature queer characters since The L Word premiered. But what made Broad City special — what makes it so hard for some of us to say goodbye after the show aired its final episode on Thursday — was how it centered queerness, particularly bisexual queer identities, at its heart.

Broad City wasn't a purely gay show. It technically classifies as a "sorta queer show."

That still matters so much.

SEE ALSO: 'Broad City' stars mark show's end with perfectly mushy Instagram posts

From the start of the show, it was clear that Ilana has a strong homoerotic attraction to her best friend, Abbi. Ilana was constantly referencing Abbi's great butt. She consistently stared her down and made reference to a future theoretical homosexual encounter. Ilana had boyfriends throughout the show, including one delightfully passive dentist (Hannibal Buress), but it was clear that Abbi was her true "love" — even if that love defied easy categorization.

In an earlier era, Ilana would have been drawn as either a purely straight main character or a purely gay "sassy" side character. Sandra Bernhard would have been the only actress cast to play her role. But because this is Broad City (and the year 2019), Ilana was able to stay true to her character roots: she was queer. She wanted to bone passive male dentists (respect) and fall in love with her hot best friend.

The show never resolved what kind of love Ilana expected from her best friend: partially sexual and partially romantic? Purely romantic? Or more of a lifelong partner kind of romance, with sex thrown in?

Ilana's experience mirrors plenty of people in the queer community who aren't strictly gay or straight, whose sexual identities change over time, and who are not-so-secretly in love with their best friends.

Best friend love is one of the key relational formations at the heart of the queer community. As a queer person, I'll say that approximately 100% of my romantic relationships and my friends' queer relationships originated in best friendship.

Ilana wasn't just visibly queer, she was 2019 queer. Broad City made it all visible.

Meanwhile, it took until the final season for Abbi to start to explore her queer identity (unless you consider the episode where she pegged her annoying neighbor queer — which is a more of question for Tumblr than it is for this post). Abbi's date with hot emergency room doctor Clea Duvall (kudos to the show for reminding us that you can be a hot doctor without being a prick) had all of the core emotional ingredients of an early queer experience.

Abbi demonstrates the kind of nauseating awkwardness familiar to many of those who are first exploring a queer relationship in their 20s. It's so familiar it's unwatchable. And unlike most queer films or television shows premised on clear, linear, coming out narratives, Broad City doesn't have Abbi follow the traditional coming out trajectory. She just goes on a date with a woman (a hot doctor woman at that). She doesn't immediately incorporate the experience into an identity formation. She doesn't suddenly start shopping at Otherwild or watching Carol around the clock.

Abbi just develops a little thing for a very good-looking doctor. Who among us — straight or queer — has not been in the same position? (I'm very gay, but I'm open to the idea of a flirtation with my male dermatologist who is excellent at talking me through my rashes).

Bisexuality, sexual identity exploration, and sexual ambiguity are at the core of Broad City. Who knows if Abbi and Ilana will one day get married and raise a dog in Northampton? Maybe Ilana will start dating a moderate Republican and move to Utah. Maybe Abbi will date a hot butch bouncer. Who knows? The show never resolves anyone's identity.

That's what make it so queer and so good. RIP, Broad City. We're all a little less gay now that you're gone.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 5 years

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Watch this over-the-top dog become a tourist attraction

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Some dogs really know how to draw a crowd.

In the Abkhazia territory in the country of Georgia on Saturday, a group of tourists stopped to take photos of a particularly performative dog that had rolled onto its back. Forget the sights, this dog is the tourist attraction.

Mind you, nobody actually pets the dog. They're just here to stan.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 5 years

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There's more than one Hanukkah song, y'all

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When I was in elementary school, my chorus teacher, riding that multicultural music wave, introduced some Hanukkah songs into our holiday concert line-up that were extremely — how do I say it? — bad.

I can't blame her. The only Hanukkah song most of the gentile (and even many of the Jewish) community knew back then and know now is "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel." So my teacher took whatever complimentary Hanukkah sheet music she got in the mail and made do with those somber minor chords.

It didn't have to be that way. There's plenty of ... better Hanukkah music out there. You just need to know where to look (this post).

SEE ALSO: Tater tot latkes: An easy twist on a Hanukkah classic

Read on for some of the best Hanukkah music available — for your Spotify playlist or elementary school concert.

1. Adam Sandler, "The Hanukkah Song"

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Sandler first performed this song in 1994 for Saturday Night Live. It centers on the feelings of Jewish kids forced to endure Christmas, and it has been a Hanukkah staple ever since.

2. Matsiyahu, "Miracle"

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You have to give Matsiyahu credit for this combination of labels: He creates dancehall jam-band-style Jewish-American reggae music. I'm extremely here for one of his best creations, "The Hanukkah Song." It premiered in 2010 and climbed to the top of the charts.

As Matsiyahu claimed on NPR's "All Things Considered," part of the reason his song was so popular was simple scarcity. Jewish-American artists, he said, have been far too busy creating Christmas music to develop any of their own.

3. Levees, "How do you spell Hanukkah?"

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I don't think I've spelled Hanukkah correctly in my 35 years on this earth. If you see the word spelled correctly in this piece, it's only because of my editor.

4. Saturday Night Live, "Christmastime for the Jews"

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This 2005 SNL sketch captures what's truly great about the holiday: no lines at movie theaters.

5. The Maccabeats, "Candlelight"

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I suffered through four years of terrible liberal arts college a capella music. But I've been able to look past my trauma for "Candelight," a Hanukkah song made by a capella group The Maccabeats and inspired by Taio Cruz's "Dynamite." Thankfully, this one comes with a beat.

It's an obscenely, borderline offensively dorky Hanukkah masterpiece.

6. Barenaked Ladies, "Hanukkah, O Hanukkah"

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My apologies: Any post involving the Barenaked Ladies should come with a trigger warning. If you're going to listen to the Ladies, let it be this song, which features atmospheric ancient civilization chants.

7. Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings, "8 Days of Hanukkah"

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If you're interested in *hip* phunky soulful Hanukkah music, this is your choice ... your only choice.

8. Erran Baron Cohen, "Hanukkah O Hanukkah"

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This Hanukkah classic sounds like a really good Casio keyboard demo. I've got a soft spot for the Hebrew rapping and the sick *flute* work.

Bonus: Erran Baron Cohen is Sacha Baron Cohen's brother and wrote original music for his show.

9. Rugrats, "Hanukkah O Hannukah"

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For those of us who love baby voices (not me) there's this Rugrats hit, which I guess appeals to someone out there.

10. Six13, "A Hamilton Hanukkah"

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If you're going to do musical parodies, let them be choreographed Hanukkah parodies sung by Hamilton nerds.

11. Erran Baron Cohen, "Ocho Kandalikas"

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Pretty much any song from Baron Cohen's album, "Songs in the Key of Hanukkah," is great. I'm a particular fan of this one, which falls into my favorite category: sultry Hanukkah music.

12. Tom Lehrer, "Hanukkah in Santa Monica"

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This hit definitely falls into the category of "music my father finds funny and no one else." A nostalgic favorite nonetheless.

13. Woody Guthrie, "Hanukkah Dance"

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I don't typically associate "religious Jewish celebration" with Woody Guthrie. Nothing about this song screams dance, either, unless your version of dancing is "gentle foot-tapping."

A winner.

14. "The Hanukkah Waltz," Bela Fleck and the Flecktones

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It's moody, dark, and decidedly un-festive — just the way I like my holiday music.

15. "Rock of Ages," Def Leppard

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Leppard appears to have taken the title of this song from the traditional prayer sung after the Menorah is lit. There's really no other Hannukah elements involved; I'm just happy to include it on this list.

16. Six13, "A Bohemian Hanukah"

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Hanukkah-o let me go and enjoy this song!

Happy eight nights of Hanukkah karaoke, everyone.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 5 years

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These senior citizen YouTubers are better than anyone else on this hellscape internet

The typical YouTuber is young, obnoxious, and speaks at an above-average decibel level. They love pranks. They love covertly selling you *products.* Even though they're your age or vastly younger, they have more money in their bank account than you ever will.

Thankfully, not all YouTubers like that. This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for the dedicated community of senior citizen YouTubers, here to make homemade pasta, deconstruct mechanical toys, play lullabies on their guitars, knit, apply make-up, and show you how to properly take a dip in the public pool.

SEE ALSO: Logan Paul isn't the only problem. YouTube is broken — here's how to fix it.

If you're going to be an influencer, at least use your power to show Xennials like me how to make proper tagliatelle.

For all their wisdom and *actual content knowledge,* senior citizen YouTube celebrities are nonetheless a rarity. The demographic data tells the story: 96% of youth aged 13 to 17 have used YouTube, compared to just 51% of those 75 and older. Just 67% of seniors aged 65 and over use the internet, and only 4 in 10 own smartphones.

So we shouldn't be shocked that of the biggest names in YouTube — Fernanfloo, PewDewPie, Germán Garmendia, Rubén Doblas Gundersen i.e. El RubiosOMG, VanossGaming, and so on — all are male, and none, absolutely none, are above the age of 30.

That doesn't mean senior citizens are absent from the platform, or that younger generations don't love to watch older folks on screen. I know that I, for one, am not alone in not wanting to hear this guy opine about suicide prevention:

You just have to look a little harder to find the elders of the community, which we kindly did for you. Here are some of the leading senior personalities on the platform:

1. Tricia Cusden, Look Fabulous for Older Women

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70-year-old Tricia Cusden formally kicked off her YouTube account and her personal make-up business, Look Fabulous Forever, five years ago. Cusden specializes in make-up made specifically for older women.

Cusden remembers when her manufacturer told her to put videos of her products on Twitter:

"I thought, that's a really stupid idea," Cusden told Mashable. "Millions of videos are uploaded to YouTube, people just won't see them."

Pretty quickly, however, Cusden's videos started picking up real traffic: 1,000 views one day, 1,500 views on another. It was clear that Cusden had tapped into a real need — and that older women were (gulp!) using YouTube.

Cusden believes she was able to access this demographic because her product line was written up in print publications, which have older followers. These women presumably then followed her to YouTube.

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In comparison to other brands that market token "anti-aging skincare" to older women, Cusden hopes to create a positive, stigma-free YouTube space:

"The beauty industry disdains and marginalizes this age group ... [but] we won't disparage you here," Cusden says. "We won't be negative."

Cusden's channel currently has 28,340 subscribers.

2. Judy Graham, Knitting Tips by Judy

In recent years, knitting has had something of a comeback among the millennial Etsy set. But why learn from some dumb book when you can learn from *THE* Judy Graham?

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Graham is a knitting legend. She's now in her 80s, and she's still producing videos nearly every week. In 2015, Graham complained to her son that it was a myth that all seniors hated technology.

"Seniors do know about tech, and they do use it," Graham told her son, who later published her comments in USA Today.

Not everyone who watches "Knitting Tips by Judy" is older. She has plenty of younger fans (points at self).

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If there's anything that Judy proves, it's that you don't have to be a young, terrible California bro in order to be successful on this nightmare platform.

3. Tim Rowett, Grand Illusions

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For all the optical illusion and unusual toy fans out there (I'm assuming that's everyone on this list), Tim Rowett is your man.

Rowett's YouTube channel, Grand Illusions, collects and reviews dozens of random toys. It's whimsical and strange and exceedingly, unexpectedly popular: The channel currently has over 881,000 subscribers.

In 2015, the Telegraph named Rowett one of the best YouTubers over 50 years old.

The award was well-deserved. Is there anything more soothing than hearing a handsome older British gentleman with a BBC accent examine the mechanics of a bubble blower?

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4. Pasta Grannies

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There's no such thing as a dream job, except for Vicky Bennison's. Bennison is the founder of Pasta Grannies, a YouTube channel featuring Italian grandmas making their best homemade pasta.

Bennison, who is 60, literally travels all around Italy hunting for the country's most talented grandmas. Every episode, she highlights a particular grandma and their specialty pasta.

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Pasta and Italian grandmas are universally beloved, which is why Bennison's show has such a diverse, cross-generational audience. These women aren't trained chefs, but they're exceptionally talented and they know what a good pasta serving size is: one gallon per person.

"What you see on television requires armies of food stylists ... These are things all people can do," Bennison told Mashable. "[It's why] I do have a broad audience ... My demographics for Pasta Grannies is 25 to 65 years old."

Some of these grannies are in their late 90s. Yet with more 341,913 subscribers, Bennison has nonetheless been able to build a digital fan base for these women.

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Pasta Grannies, you are welcome in my home anytime.

5. Bossa Nakane

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Though he probably wouldn't classify it this way, Bossa Nakane makes lullabies for stressed-out adults. This man is a nightingale. His music is delightfully tender: Think Nick Drake, but sung by a human robin.

Why would you ever sing "Happy Birthday" yourself when you can have the Bossa Nakane version instead? He's better.

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He currently only has 3,174 subscribers. Everyone, please follow now.

6. ElderGym

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ElderGym is the only YouTube fitness series on the web I'm capable of completing. A 4-minute session on how to get off the floor? This I can do. March in place for 1 minute? Hell freaking yeah. ElderGym isn't just for seniors, it's for everyone.

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Squeeze your shoulders for 1 minute. Congratulations! You've exercised.

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7. Grandma Shirley

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Anyone who's anyone in the senior YouTuber world knows Grandma Shirley, an 82-year-old gamer who records herself playing games for YouTube, among other places. She's best known for playing Skyrim and currently has over 410,000 subscribers.

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I've never understood the appeal of watching other people play games (why watch strangers play Grand Theft Auto when you can watch ... anything else) but if I'm going to watch anyone, it will be Grandma Shirley.

8. Grandpa Kitchen

Grandpa Kitchen operates a YouTube channel where he cooks enormous amounts of Indian food and feeds if to local orphans. The channel currently operates a Patreon page in order to fund their operations; however, I was unable to independently verify how that money is spent.

That being said, Grandpa Kitchen runs an excellent show. Look at all those potatoes. How can they not make you happy?

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9. Gramma and Ginga

Gramma and Ginga are two sisters, one 104 years old, the other 99. They live a few blocks from one another in Clarksburg, West Virginia. If you're the type of person who loves to see two charming older women bicker non-stop about nothing, this is for you.

Think Seinfeld, but with Grandmas.

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Imagine a comedy podcast but the podcast were ... actually funny. That's Gramma and Ginga.

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These women currently have 325,684 subscribers. In 2016, they made it to Jimmy Kimmel Live.

10. Kevin and Lill

I tend to be skeptical of anyone on YouTube who has more than 500,000 subscribers and says they create "comedy." Historically, YouTube comedy is an art form lower than improv.

Kevin and his objectively charismatic grandma Lill are an exception to the rule. We talk a lot about YouTube personalities but Grandma Lill actually has one.

As the kids say, she destroys me.

Look at her make chocolate chip brownies with her grandson Kevin, then try to pick yourself up off the floor.

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Perhaps my favorite part of the series is when she introduces the episode, saying, "Hi fellas and girls."

Just listen to it instead of reading my far inferior copy.

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Grandma Lill says she didn't really know much about YouTube before her grandson turned on his camera one day in the car:

"I was surprised, but I said, 'Hey that's good!'" Lill told Mashable.

You'd think that Grandma Lill would be an inspiration to her friends, many of whom are in the same age bracket.

Grandma Lill doesn't think so.

"My girlfriends if they don’t have grandchildren [with access to technology] — they could care less about what I do! They don't care where I'm going. They don't have YouTube, Instagram."

She also doesn't particularly care how they feel. If there's someone out there she can inspire — even if it's not her best girlfriends, even if it's just herself — she's happy these videos exist.

"It keeps me younger," Lill told Mashable. "I feel like 65 instead of 88 now. Nobody can believe I'm 88 ... We're just so good."

A heartfelt thanks to *65*-year-old Grandma Lill and all the YouTubers like her.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 6 years

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'Disobedience' has some of the most realistic lesbian sex scenes, uh, ever

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Whether you're a queer person aching for representation or a straight human looking for a good time, we are all searching for the same thing in life: quality lesbian sex scenes.

Historically, they've been excruciatingly hard to find. That's why it's delightful to see newly-released indie drama Disobedience get it mostly right. Neither a heteronormative pornographic fantasy nor a dry, anthropological account, Disobedience manages to depict queer sex without exploiting the actors performing it.

Bonus: It's super hot.

SEE ALSO: Instagram's Queer Appalachia brings love — and services — to those who need it most

Ever since Director Sebastián Lelio's Disobedience premiered at TIFF in 2017, it's been the talk of the town among the five queer women who care about this kind of stuff. The film tells story of Orthodox Jewish lesbians in London: Esti (Rachel McAdams) caught in a loveless relationship with a Rabbi, and Ronit (Rachel Weisz) trapped in a series of meaningless heterosexual hookups.

Besides being a genuinely considerate movie with some thoughtful meditations on religion and culture, it has the added thrill of having super erotic sex scenes, made possible because:

1. The director didn't exploit his actresses (see Autostraddle's interview with Rachel Weisz).

2. It's a forbidden love that takes place in a confined setting where people wear lots of uniforms.

3. There's actual build-up, it's not just straight porn.

4. The two characters actually seem like each other (gulp!).

5. They execute realistic sex positions that normal, sexual non-Olympians are capable of performing.

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This seems like it shouldn't be a victory. And yet, the list of movies who've accomplished the same feat is painfully abbreviated. Don't talk to me about Blue is the Warmest Color, a movie made famous for its extended, impractical sex scenes and allegations of harassment by its director, Abdellatif Kechiche. Kechiche reportedly bullied the two female protagonists as well as his staff, forcing them to work 16-hour workdays under extreme pressure. Critics further accused the director of creating "voyeuristic" sex scenes intended to solicit the male gaze.

As a queer woman myself, I was mostly concerned that the two female characters ate a whole plate of spaghetti without brushing their teeth before commencing intercourse.

There are a few others that make the cut. Todd Haynes' Carol featured delightfully melodramatic and nostalgic rich lesbian sex scenes, but the scenes were brief in duration, and what they had in quality they lost in quantity. Repression-era sex scenes are the best kind of sex scenes. We demand more.

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1985's Desert Hearts was one of the first majorish films to feature lesbian sex, uh, ever. Bound (1996), the story of a hot ex con lesbian plummer, had some of the hottest lesbian sex scenes in lesbian sex scene history. Still, the chances of people watching this movie who aren't Xennial queers, Gen-X lesbians, or currently taking a feminist film theory class are, approximately, zero.

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I'm not about to put Kissing Jessica Stein in this category, because it's too weak of a queer film to be even considered. There's also Mulholland Drive, which had some very brief hot queer moments relative to its era (2001). Heavenly Creatures (1994) served the queer goth community particularly well. Sadly, that community is relatively small.

So kudos to Disobedience for really taking the time to mediate on how queer women have sex. The scene clocks in at about eight minutes and never once gets banal — it even throws in a complimentary spit swap.

Here's what Weisz told queer women's media publication Autostraddle about the film:

As am I. Representation always matters, whether it's in the Halls of Congress or at your local independent theater. Queer women deserve to have their queer female sex represented on screen, without it devolving into typical pornographic tropes: shaved vaginas, sorority sisters, giant jiggly boobs, foot-long dildos, scissoring, a well-hung neighbor guy who just "pops in" for a threesome, etc. There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these erotic ingredients, per se, but it's formulaic and not particularly representational of most queer sex.

If America truly cares about lesbian sex (which it definitely does, as most porn sites, queer women, and even straight women will tell you) it should do a better job of representing it on screen.

Disobedience has come a long way from its queer cinematic origins, and we still have so far to go.

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 6 years

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Here's your exclusive look at the 2018 gay agenda

Back in the early '90s, members of the far Christian right accused the LGBTQ community of having a secret homosexual agenda. At the time, we denied the rumors, calling their entire campaign "conspiracy-mongering."

Today, I'm here to announce that they're right.

Every year, members of the LGBTQ deep state, of which I proudly consider myself a member, convene at an underground crafts store in Provincetown, Massachusetts to draft our gay agenda for the upcoming year. The potluck includes some of the most powerful queer globalists in the world, all of us with vast vegan baked good reserves we're ready to advance our deviant LGBTQ agenda.

SEE ALSO: LGBTI activists are reclaiming Rwanda, one neighborhood at a time

It's time to come clean and admit it that, eek, sorry we didn't mention before, but there is a vast homosexual conspiracy.

Below, selections from our deeply insidious 2018 Gay Agenda for America.

1. We demand that the "queer capitals of America" have at least one lesbian bar that's not, like, a bookstore with no air conditioning

Neither San Francisco nor Los Angeles have any lesbian bars, and New York's play way too much Journey.

2. In 2018, we ask that the cartoon bus community embrace Miss Frizzle for the lesbian she is

Confirmed: Ms. Frizzle is a lesbian pic.twitter.com/1vL26sOVje

— Kait 💫 (@itzzkait) July 20, 2017

3. We ask that the federal government at least pretend to make healthcare and housing more accessible to LGBTQ communities where it's so disproportionately lacking

Putting LGBTQ people back in the U.S. Census is the best, more boring way to start this process.

4. And for the DOJ to do something — preferably many things — about the epidemic of violence against trans women, particularly trans women of color.

They're starting at zero, so it can only go up from here.

5. We know this is a big one, but if states could donate the spare change from their wallets we could probably stop the LGBTI teen homelessness crisis overnight.

That's the invidious gay agenda for ya. Bone-chilling!

6. VERY IMPORTANT: We want Americans to realize that there are more gay shows than Will and Grace and that it wasn't even *that great* a show

7. Same goes for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Please.

8. We kindly request those hands on Starbucks cups officially come out as lesbian hands.

Fox News asks if Starbucks holiday cups are pushing a “gay agenda” https://t.co/j65AbGmLpM pic.twitter.com/YAvsLO61rz

— Salon (@Salon) November 24, 2017

The LGBTQ community is severely underrepresented in the seasonal cup community. Added bonus: It makes ding dongs on the religious right incredibly hilariously angry.

9. We demand that the Caitlyn Jenner thinkpieces go far, far away

Image: screenshot/tmz

Fellow reporters: The next time you're thinking of starting a headline with "Caitlyn Jenner's thoughts on [blank]," just remember — she has no real thoughts.

10. WE. DEMAND. KITSCHY. QUEER. NATIVITY. SCENES.

All I want for Christmas is this gay as hell nativity scene https://t.co/41ISIQ2GQe pic.twitter.com/mic0jXgcii

— Mashable (@mashable) November 28, 2017

Joseph, Martin, and the baby Jesus.

11. We ask that everyone stop being so incredibly dumb about trans people in bathrooms and way smarter about not peeing on the seat

This is cute. Put it up.

Image: ambar del moral/mashable

12. More. gay. penguins.

Image: screenshot/the telegraph

13. More. gay. people. on. Tinder. who. aren't. just. straight. men. posing. as. lesbians. help.

14. We'd love it if queer couples could hold hands at the World Cup and the only thing they'd have to worry about was clammy palms, not violence.

Image: screenshot/the guardian

We want to be like everyone else — regular people, weirded out by thumb sweat.

15. And — we know this is a lot — we ask that the United States government offer bare minimal labor protections for LGBTQ people who can be fired because of their sexuality.

How is it that this guy has a job but so many of these people don't?

16. In 2018, we kindly request that ladies stop referring to their platonic female friends as their "girlfriends" because it makes us so incredibly confused

17. Of course the LGBTI community doesn't want everyone to be gay. We are, however, asking that Poe Demoron and Finn become an official couple. Thank you in advance.

18. And if Babadook and Pennywise could please get married because we refuse to believe that love is dead.

#ITMovie #Pennywise #Babadook pic.twitter.com/5evswvmbsZ

— •⎠Gorgeous Jack⎝• (@TVIMES) November 2, 2017

19. And if we can't have any of the above, we kindly ask that we have one day — even just one hour of 2018 — where we don't have to fear that the government is about to strip us of all of our rights and throw our country back 100 years because we elected a bigoted empty bag of Doritos for president.

That would be great.

WATCH: This jacket is perfect for your friend who always b*tches about the winter

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Listen to these delightful renditions of 'Old Town Road' in different musical genres

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YouTuber Seth Everman understands pop music clichés intuitively — and that's what makes him so good.

Everman once showed people how to make Billie Eilish's "Bad Guy" from scratch using everyday objects and a synthesizer. Recently, the YouTuber decided to play Lil Nas X's "Old Town Road" on his synth in different musical genres.

Watch him crank out "Old Town Road" as if Eminem crafted it or if it were part of a French film's musical score.

Encore, please.

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Today's youth deserve inclusive masturbation education

May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.

For a kid, there are few things more awkward than sitting in a sex ed class and learning about masturbation. For a queer or transgender kid, the experience can be simultaneously uncomfortable and painful.

That's because, as some sex educators argue, sex education often fails to address masturbation in an inclusive way. In fact, it may not even be discussed at all. Less than half of American high schools and only one fifth of middle schools teach all 16 sex ed topics from the Center for Disease Control's recommended list. Masturbation isn't even on that list, much less inclusive masturbation education.

"Talking about self-pleasure doesn't happen that much in sex ed," says Andrew Townsend, teen program coordinator for Planned Parenthood Toronto.

SEE ALSO: Teen YouTubers who faked a pregnancy apologize — and offer bad sex ed advice

By ignoring masturbation and not addressing it in a way that speaks to everyone, sex ed fails our youth. Inclusive sex ed should be a critical component of education, and masturbation should be a core topic. Regardless of gender identity or sexuality, the practice is an essential part of an individual's sexual pleasure.

In general, sex education fails LGBTQ youth

According to a joint report from a number of sexual health and civil rights organizations, LGBTQ youth are less likely to report using contraception and more likely to start having sex at an early age, have multiple partners compared to their heterosexual peers, and have sex while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

Despite that, inclusive sex education is rare. "We found that only 6.7 percent of middle and high school students received LGBTQ-inclusive sex education," says Becca Mui, education manager at GLSEN, an organization that advocates for LGBTQ youth.

#mysexed preached abstinence, abstinence, abstinence, pregnancy, pregnancy, pregnancy. I was gay and closeted and had 1000 questions...

— Dr. Sean Boileau (@sboileau1) December 2, 2015

Mui points to "no promo homo" laws, currently on the books in six states, which prohibit sex education teachers from positively talking about — or even sometimes including — lesbian, gay, and bisexual topics.

For example, teachers in South Carolina are not permitted to discuss homosexuality except in reference to sexually transmitted diseases. In Alabama, sex ed teachers are mandated to teach, in certain lessons, that homosexuality is not an acceptable "lifestyle."

These laws have very real consequences. "What we found in our research is that when a state has a no promo law, it really spills out into the educational culture," Mui says. "It's harder to have an inclusive Gay Straight Alliance in those places ... and there's an understanding that young people are more likely to embrace and hold queer identities, genderfluid identities, and transgender identities when adults are teaching this curriculum."

On the other hand, the lack of a curriculum could come with risks. Mui is particularly concerned that LGBTQ youth who don't receive accurate sexual health information won't make healthy decisions. For example, sex educators who don't discuss anal sex between gay men miss educating them about the risk of HIV and STDs.

It's clear that many queer and trans youth aren't getting the sex education they need.

Masturbation education, when it exists, can be heteronormative and trans-exclusionary

For Sara Connell, sex educator and host of the podcast Queer Sex Ed, the heteronormative nature of sex ed extends into conversations about masturbation. "We talk about girls using dildos or vibrators or a man stroking a penis," she explains.

Both of these acts imitate the act of penetration, but that's reductive. Connell wants youth to know that pleasure can be found in different parts of the body, and that they should feel free to fantasize about things other than heterosexual penetration.

Sex education about masturbation can be particularly fraught for trans youth, Connell says. Sex educators often see genitals, sex, and gender as the same thing. That language can feel exclusionary for trans people, for whom genitals, sex, and gender are often different.

For Connell, referring to male masturbation only in terms of penises, female masturbation only in terms of vulvas, and leaving non-binary students out of the equation altogether, teachers can stigmatize trans youth.

"There are trans boys who have vulvas. There are girls who have penises. There are non-binary people with any [kind of] genitals," Connell explains.

Townsend similarly worries that sex educators who only see masturbation through a heteronormative and cissexist lens (which implies feelings of superiority towards trans people) risk alienating both queer and trans youth who may not derive masturbatory pleasure from the opposite sex or who don't identify with their assigned genitalia. They also risk hurting straight and cis youth, who may become queer or trans later in life.

"Your body is going to look different throughout your life," Townsend stresses.

#MySexEd was wicked hetero.

— Dr. Jamie J. Hagen (@Jamiejhagen) December 2, 2015

Every student — queer, trans, cis, and straight — could stand to benefit from an inclusive masturbation education.

Here's how to fix the problem

Thankfully, there are ways educators can better — and more inclusively — address and teach their queer and trans students. Connell has three recommendations:

First, she urges educators to say what they mean. They shouldn't refer to boys' penises or girls' vaginas. Educators should simply refer to penises and vaginas, or consider using a more general term like genitals. Trans girls, for example, may have a penis, may refer to their "girl penis," or may have a vulva. Students may refer to their genitals in completely non-gendered terms altogether.

Second, Connell recommends that educators not treat queer sexuality and transgender identity like the plague. There shouldn't just be a single day where educators talk about trans issues. Sex educators should normalize conversations about these identities and about masturbation.

Third, Connell encourages sex educators to be confident that the youth they are teaching are mature enough to handle the conversation. Many young people are already having conversations about sex with each other or online, Connell says. They're prepared to handle "adult" conversations about masturbation, but they may not have have accurate information about it.

"Inaction or avoiding the subject is a choice ... You're harming people by not giving them the right tools to be aware of their bodies," Connell says.

The benefits of direct, inclusive masturbation education are clear. In general, LGBTQ youth who see themselves represented in inclusive curricula report feeling safer in school and having higher levels of self-esteem, Mui explains.

Townsend is similarly optimistic about inclusive masturbation education. By opening up space for students to talk about this issue, he believes it can help remove some of the stigma surrounding self-pleasure for queer and trans youth.

Connell, for her part, holds that inclusive masturbation education could be an empowering educational experience for trans youth. "When I think about sex ed and masturbation especially, it can be really powerful for trans people to reclaim our bodies through masturbation," Connell says.

Connell, who is trans herself, cites her own experience. While she was going through hormone replacement therapy, Connell experienced pleasure in different parts of her body and from different sources. Connell wants trans students who are going through the process to know that their experience of desire, and what drives them to masturbate, may change.

"It's really hard to tell what someone's reaction will be to hormone replacement therapy .... but there are a general set of changes," Connell says. "You just don't know what you're going to enjoy."

Educators can learn how to talk about masturbation with queer, trans, cis, and straight students equally. Inclusive masturbation sex education is possible, Connell stresses. Educators just need to be brave enough — and educated enough — to talk about it.

WATCH: Consent-oriented condom packaging says four hands are needed to open it, but then again – maybe not

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How Doughnuts Got Their Holes

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10 crisis help lines that offer texting or chat services

When you're in crisis and looking for some support, it might be hard to know who to turn to. Thankfully, help might be just a text message away.

A growing number of crisis lines provide people in need with texting support as well as phone advice.

The appeal of this type of service is clear. Texting and chat platforms provide a degree of anonymity that a phone conversation simply does not, given its intimacy.

Here are ten crisis lines that provide texting and chat services for people in need.

1. The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention hotline for LGBTQ youth, offers phone, text, and chat services. The Project recently expanded the hours for their texting and chat services to 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Previously, users were only able to text and chat between 3 p.m. and 10 p.m ET.

The organization implemented this expansion with Generation Z in mind, the Advocate explains. According to a third-party evaluation of the Trevor Project's offerings, 63 per cent of users who use the group's texting and chat services did so because they thought it would be easier to "be themselves on those platforms."

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2. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides support for people in distress 24 hours a day, seven days a week through its hotline. In addition to phone services, they also offer a chat service called "Lifeline Chat," which connects individuals in crisis with counselors who provide support and share resources. Though there may be a wait time to speak with someone, users will always eventually be connected with a counselor.

3. Crisis Text Line

Crisis Text Line assists anyone who's reached a point of crisis, and is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Users can text it to speak with a trained crisis counselor who will "bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving."

4. Teen Line

Teen Line provides support for teens through an app available on iPhone known as Teen Talk. Between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. PT, teens can use the app to speak with another teen who can help with issues such as anxiety, depression, family issues, and more. Teens can also call, text, email, or use the organization's message board.

5. YouthLine

Like Teen Line, YouthLine provides teens with teen counselors, who are reachable via phone, a chat service, email, and text. Teens are available from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. PT (adults are available by phone at all other times).

6. The National Domestic Violence Hotline

The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides support for people currently experiencing domestic violence, whether over the phone or through their private chat service, which is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

7. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline

The hotline provides round-the-clock support for people over the phone who have been affected by sexual assault. The organization also provides similar support over chat 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

8. The National Runaway Safeline

The National Runaway Safeline provides support for young people who have either run away from home, are considering running away from home, or may be bullied. Users can call, email, or chat the service.

9. Kids Help Phone

Kids Help Phone is a crisis line for Canadian youth in crisis available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Help is available over the phone, through a chat service, or by text. It also offers an app called Always There that connects users to a counselor.

10. Need2Text

Teenagers experiencing depression, anxiety, relationship trouble, bullying, and more can text Need2Text at any time and speak with a trained, masters-level counselor.

Wherever you are, if you're a person in crisis with access to a phone, there's someone available to speak with you.

If you want to talk to someone or are experiencing suicidal thoughts, text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Here is a list of international resources.

WATCH: Meet the 10-year-old drag kid shaping the future of drag youth

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The viral videos that helped me survive high school bullying

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In 2000, at the back of my high school physics classroom, there was a computer with access to the internet, and for me, a whole new network of friends.

I was one of the very few people who had access to the password and knew how to navigate a little program we called "America Online." Sure, plenty of my fellow students knew how to set up a personal AIM account. But I was the only one who actually knew how to use a search engine (thank you, Yahoo! and WebCrawler) to explore a kewl new phenomenon: viral videos.

It was these profoundly useless, morbidly stupid videos — of babies getting attacked by cats, of people getting hit (gently) by motorbikes — that brought me out of isolation and helped me discover community.

To the deeply corny, pre-YouTube era videos of the early '00s, thank you.

SEE ALSO: The best viral videos of 2018

The Pre-YouTube era

Viral videos existed well before the 2000s and YouTube, which was launched in 2005. Perhaps the most well known viral video of the early internet was the animated "Dancing Baby," which was made by the creators of Character Studio, an animation software. The clip was first popularized by an email chain in 1996, before reaching national prominence with television show Ally McBeal. Though created and popularized in the '90s, the video is still circulated today.

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There were other videos from that time period that weren't popular in digital spaces but whose structure remains similar to the viral videos we see on social platforms today. America's Funniest Home Videos, which featured short, charmingly dumb, homemade videos was perhaps the best example of that. The show (practically) invented the video where the kid falls off the trampoline or someone uses fake birthday candles. Even though America's Funniest Home Videos was featured on broadcast television, the format of these videos became the de facto viral video format for the videos of today.

Together, these extremely wholesome, playfully violent videos brought the country together.

Fast forward to 2000, when I, Queen of the Northern Highlands Regional High School Science League, had decided to take on an additional job title: Chief Viral Video Curator of fifth period physics.

One community, united by silly videos

As someone who loved taking long standardized examinations in high school, was queer, and spent their Saturday nights in the Barnes & Noble puzzle section, I surprisingly wasn't the most popular person in high school. I had a bully, who was and remains a moron, and who enjoyed extremely conventional bullying tactics: pushing me into lockers, taking my lunch money (sooo bully-normative!) and accusing me of loving science (I loved English, asshole!).

I wasn't good at anything people in high school were supposed to be good at. I hated sports, enjoying parties, or talking to other humans in general. But because I had an "in" with my high school physics teacher, I was good at spending entire lab periods finding the best viral videos in between half-assedly performing experiments.

My physics teacher was fully checked out, like any good high school teacher in a New Jersey public school. So, while he did crossword puzzles in the front of the room, I spent my days looking up viral videos and encouraging everyone in the room to join me in watching them on the video hosting site ShareYourWorld.com or more commonly, on random people's webpages. I had a similarly nerdy boyfriend in New York who would also email me deeply random videos.

I didn't have any "real" friends in my physics class. But I had more than enough who were willing to come to the back of the room to watch "All Your Base Are Belong to Us," a video compilation based on a mistranslation from the 1989 video game, Zero Wing. Together, we whispered every dumb line of the video.

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The emo drama kids were more than willing to come to the back of the room to watch Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected" with me, which was released in 2000 and nominated for Best Animated Short Film at the Academy Awards in 2001. It included some of the best banana-spoon content in internet humor history.

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The following video of a cat attacking a baby pales in comparison to the cat attack compilations of today, but in the early '00s it was seen as a viral video masterpiece among my "friends" in my informal viral video club. Every time I played it, all the cruel jocks came to my computer to watch along. We didn't become full-on friends, but we could all share this beautiful, just-on-the-edge-of-cruel, viral moment together.

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There were others. I'm not proud of liking videos that feature physical harm, but this video of reporter Anthea Turner getting hit by a motorbike (and surviving! She's totally fine!) brought all my fellow students to my side of the classroom. Turner was a reporter for a Saturday morning television show, UP2U, and covering a motorbike display at a 1988 tournament when she was accidentally hit by a bike. This unfortunate moment was the kind of harmless sadism we could all get behind.

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For the public policy nerds in the classroom, I had this video of MTA subway ads from the '80s, where no actor featured could say anything positive about the trains themselves, but instead just expressed vague hope for the future.

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After months of regular "screenings" of these viral videos, I started to detect a real shift in my personal life. I finally had "friends." Or something close to friends. The people who were coming to my viral video screenings now actually wanted to talk to me in the hallway. They were interested in acting out the scene of the tiny toddler getting assaulted by the cat (sorry toddler) during study hall. They wanted to research what the physical consequences of getting hit by a motorbike were. The captain of the soccer team (OK, the JV captain) would see me at my locker and scream "All my base are belong to us!" as if he … actually wanted to talk to me.

To be fair, only a few of my new viral video friends wanted to hang out with me after school. But they formed a protective circle — even if they weren't fully conscious of it — every day I was in school. Each time my high school bully cornered me in the hallway to take my money so he could buy some Doritos (so conventional, bro), someone from my informal viral video fan club would approach me to reenact their favorite banana-spoon interactions from the Hertzfeldt video. People hovered around me during lunch in the physics classroom so I could find and show them the best cat attack videos on the internet. My bully couldn't find me there. I was surrounded by people who wanted to watch non-deadly car crash videos on the internet.

In their own, completely dumb, borderline cruel, but sometimes very weird way, viral videos protected me in high school. Cat attacks were my security blanket. There are so many moments of my high school experience I never want to relive again, but this period — the time I became Chief Viral Video Curator of fifth period physics — I'll rewatch, on loop, like a dumb viral video itself.

WATCH: This was YouTube's most viral video of 2018

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Watch this artist create a portrait of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson using sand

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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will never crumble — not even in sand form.

Take a look at how sand artist Jianpeng Sun recently made a sand model out of The Rock's face in Toronto, Canada. It apparently took Sun five hours to finish the job.

To make sand art like this one, artists typically use a small pipette, funnel, or other device to layer sand strategically into a glass container or vase.

This is sand art in its highest form.

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Bluprint is a crafting app for wannabe and hopeless crafters

For most of my life, I've lived in fear of crafting. While some people have a natural gift for sewing and knitting, I categorize myself as a "lost soul." No one and no thing, not even the most basic of instructional videos, could teach me otherwise.

So it was with considerable trepidation that I approached Bluprint, an app designed for crafters and hobbyists at all levels of skill development. The recently released app, a product of NBC Universal and a new version of an earlier app "Craftsy," offers a wide range of classes including: knitting, cake decorating, cooking, crocheting, drawing, quilting, painting, writing, sewing, photography, woodworking, fitness, jewelry, cake decorating, paper crafts, healthy eating, yoga, entertaining, and more kid-friendly crafts.

I approached the app as a pure novice. As it turned out, I didn't have too much to worry about. There are just enough classes to make me feel good about myself (as a reporter, I sped through the writing classes) and enough to make me feel challenged/terrible (I stabbed myself twice during the knitting workshop). While most of the workshops are user-friendly and fun, I'm not sure if the subscription will be worth it for more casual users who can find similar content for free online.

SEE ALSO: I freaking love hate-watching 'Tiny House Hunters'

Artists, bakers, and hobbyists can already find a wide range of accessible instructional content on the web. Want to make a hairy penis cake? There's a YouTube video for that. Always dreamed of knitting your own fanny pack? Well then check out this DIY fanny-pack knitting tutorial. Interested in learning more about healthy eating? There's an entire content industry that wants to get you hooked on acai. Don't even bother googling.

Even though so much of this content is available for "free" (or paid for with advertisements and your data), it can be hard to comb through all these videos to find premium content. You wouldn't want to waste your time on a low-quality penis and balls cupcake tutorial — you need highly sophisticated edible testicle content.

That's where Bluprint comes in: It features only high/higher-quality instructional videos, available on mobile and on desktop, made for people with a range of abilities and time to dedicate to crafts.

I chose to explore two craft tutorials, one in knitting and one in drawing. As a total amateur in both areas, I wanted to see how the app would serve beginners. I can barely tie my shoes or cut a snowflake out of a paper. Could Bluprint save me?

Time-sensitive, skill-sensitive instruction

Bluprint has a wide range of instructional videos

Image: screenshot/bluprint

My first Bluprint class was in knitting. I was hopeful that, despite never having successfully completed a craft project in my life and nearly failing out of Home Economics twice, I could at least get through a lesson in mittens. Maybe bring home a misshapen hat or two.

It was an ambitious undertaking, and reader, I failed. Dramatically.

It wasn't entirely the app's fault. I was, with relative ease, able to filter through the dozens of knitting classes available to find the most basic instructional videos. I ultimately settled on a series, "Jump into Knitting," led by a mother-daughter team, Kristy and Olive.

Kristy and Olive did their best to teach me to knit

Image: screenshot/bluprint

Kristy and Olive were extremely enthusiastic about knitting and had real stage patter. That's more than you can say for the majority of YouTube instructors, who insist on staring into the most distant corner of any room and aren't familiar with the concept of "indoor voices."

Kristy and Olive attempted to teach me how to do the most basic of knitting functions: a slipknot. And despite their careful, moderately paced instruction — you can easily rewind the videos if you get lost — I failed to complete this elementary task.

This "knot" took me 35 minutes

Image: heather dockray

Other YouTube videos I found online weren't much more successful. I was only able to successfully complete the knot after following written instruction, complete with photos.

Perhaps the pair (and the app) would've been more successful if their instruction was slowed down even further – instead of relying on video footage, they could have used a series of photo stills (which makes step-by-step instructions easier to digest).

Other videos were far more successful. Even though I also nearly failed out of art and am consistently the last-picked player for anyone's Pictionary team, a class designed to teach me how to draw cartoon birds — "Ready Set Draw" — did exactly that, and quickly. I was able to successfully draw a bird in a scarf in just two minutes.

To be fair, I do think I'm a far better (though still talentless) illustrator than I am knitter. I just wish Bluprint's knitting instructional videos were slower-paced and at an even more basic level. Most adults were given at least some art instruction in childhood and are likely starting at a higher skill level than they would be in knitting. The instruction should reflect that educational disparity.

The company should provide me with a sticker for my achievement.

Image: heather dockray

I can't wait to put this on the company refrigerator. My drawing actually resembles a bird, a revolutionary artistic feat on my part.

Whether the classes are in writing, knitting, yoga, cooking, or party-planning, Bluprint has chosen instructors who know how to present a concrete lesson and speak to the camera.

If only there weren't so much content to consume.

Navigation is easy. Over-saturation is a problem.

Bluprint offers hundreds of videos of differing lengths, anywhere from under a minute to over an hour, and of varying skill levels. I patted myself on the back for selecting the more advanced cooking class and hid my failed beginner's knitting project under my desk, where I hoped no one could see it.

For a novice, Bluprint's expansive selection can sometimes feel overwhelming. I wanted to take a beginner's workshop in knitting but there were 20 different videos to choose from. If wanted an intermediate knitting class (which I did not), I could choose from 121 different videos.

And while each of these videos is likely to be anywhere from decent to good, I didn't know how to weed out the best videos. Which knitting sock video was the best knitting sock video for me? Why did I have to choose from 121 different intermediate projects instead of just, perhaps, 10? Couldn't the app make filtering out these projects a little bit simpler?

The offerings are good, and endless

Image: screenshot/bluprint

That being said, it didn't take that long for me to find a video that matched my interest: a 7 hour, 38 minute series about handmade Christmas decorations, "Kirstie's Handmade Christmas."

Navigation was a breeze. I'm just not sure if paying for a good navigational experience (as well as a quality educational one) is worth it for dilettante crafters like myself.

The verdict

If you're an active crafter in search of high-quality instructional videos (and are willing to pay for them), Bluprint is the app for you. There's an excellent selection of content to choose from.

If you're a beginner crafter, Bluprint's options may seem a bit overwhelming. Thankfully, the app gives you a grace period before you're required to subscribe, so you have a chance to explore the app and decide whether Bluprint (or crafting in general) is the right choice for you. The app attempts to work at a beginner's pace, even if it doesn't always get it right.

I may never learn how to knit. But I'm thankful to the app for at least giving me the opportunity to try. One app can only do so much.

WATCH: This smart feeder will stop your pets from mooching off each other

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