#to shit on her in a way that kind of directly ruins her reputation as a music critic and such
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anyway finally finished girls to the front. obviously had a lot of opinions about it. i have a lot more respect for the day-to-day lived realities of riot grrls and the underground community fostered. but like. man. is the music so secondary. my main critique of riot grrl is it took many of those bands growing out of the movement amd growing up to hit something truly, artistically great (music-wise).
#i think about marcus calling dc punk like. musically rigorous (in a way she was implying was 'macho' to a degree)#and how (1) most of the dischord stuff was still very much diy it was just naturally growing more experimental in a posthardcore landscape#but also (2) i dont think thats inherently.... a bad thing???? i guess i just dont see practicing a lot nd being passionate about your craf#as unpunk or some chauvinist methology that keeps girls out#like yes. allowing women the space to be imperfect. important! bc women arent allowed to play annoying shitty juvenile music#but that doesnt mean naturally developing as a musician and valuing tenchique and theory spits in the face of that#also of course sara marcus' perspective is pretty wack its easily the drawback of the book#she makes a lot of snap judgements and incorporates odd grudges that make me not trust her wholeheardly#lots of heroworship too.#the jessica hopper stuff is the most wild bc ive now become invested in hoppers like. career and shit#and even as someone who disagrees woth hopper on a lot i thought the book went Out Of Its Way#to shit on her in a way that kind of directly ruins her reputation as a music critic and such#and its so disheartening bc theres no grace given at all.#like again these were young girls and women- im willing to imagine theyve grown and changed and evolved#but marcus doesnt really care#or at least never interrogates that in the text itself#anyway! still positive experience to have a concise timeline and such#my posts
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Do we have a mafia boss yuu?? Cause I would love to talk about one
I can just imagine them coming in during chapter 3 and ruining azul’s plan so quickly.
Azul is trying to get them to sign the contract yet yuu is just playing some mental games on him, or just flirting to catch him off guard
Azul is turned on Furious at this yuu because how did he get played at his own game???
Ramshackle is their base of operations, and I’d feel like this yuu might recruit NPCS
This yuu would never be blackmailed by Crowley, they would find dirt on him and indirectly threaten him with no hesitation
Bonus points if they have some cool looking tattoos
Ok this gave me a mini idea. Forgive me for this ramble but i am verybtired. Nor exactly a super mafia boss type. Maybe an ayato or just clever yuu but:
I heard mafia ans immediately thought like a royal guard in charge of rules oops
Jade: is this your first time her-
Yuu: Cut the shit I know how this works. Let Azul know we need to speak to him. I'd like a cola and get Jack here a tea. Also if you woukd be so kind to allow me to change servers to Ace, you wouldn't mind would ya leech?
After yuu enters the VIP room they give a kiss to Azuls hand, surprising him before sitting down.
***
Jack is staring at you bewildered. "You aren't actually gonna make a deal with him are you?"
"Hmm not yet. I want to see those three squirm for a bit more" yuu smirked and laughed.
"It was their fault for signing a contract so easily, after all. Not even bothering to look it over. Taking the easy way out... in a way i admire how Azul run things..."
Azul beamed "Im flattered and glad we have a mutual understanding. Its good to know that someone in that group has a bit of brain."
"Hmm yes, however sadly, we both know I'm not here for idle chatter. If it were up to me I wouldn't bother with any of this, but Crowleys orders, yknow?"
"I understand. Here is the terms of the contract." Azul reveals the golden paper to Yuu, who takes it and thoroughly reads it.
"Now perhaps if you three actually payed attention in your classes, you would have learned how to see through such deceptive wording." Yuu tutted.
"Oh please you never pay attention in classes!" Ace retorted. "You have no room to talk."
"Well I already graduated college alongside royalty and doctors by my side to serve directly as the Queens right hand man. I don't really need to pay attention to what I already know. I pass every test anyways."
Ace huffed and Deuce looked away. "Okay well good for you. You don't have to try because-"
"-because I already did. Now listen Ace. Imagine if your in charge of practically... everything and always have to keep up appearances. Then suddenly you end up in a place where no one know you with no responsibilities and have to attend a school on the same level as the kindergarten you attended... wouldn't you also skip a few classes?" Yuu raised a brow, their voice eerily cold. "That's what I thought. Now..."
***
As Yuus eyes skimmed through the contract, Jack nudged them. "Dude, you cant be serious."
"Oh but I am. Besides I'm not too worried. Even without me this is a situation that would most definitely solve itself."
"Oh? And what do you mean by that, Yuu." Azul inquired smugly.
"I've seen this exact scenario play out time and time again, Azul. Do you want to know they all ended? In failure."
"Oh please, you doubt me."
"I don't doubt you. You and I both know you're quite smart. However, how much longer do you think you can manage all these contracts realistically, Azul?"
"Organization is key when-"
"Allow me to rephrase that. How much longer do you think your contractors will put up with you?" Azul frowns at that.
"You see, Zul. There are a few ways to get out of contracts like these. To destroy the contracts. To kill yourself. To kill your contractor. Or a rebellion. Usually they all happen at once. No matter how clever you are, you can never account for any of that. Given your reputation, it wouldn't do well to hear some of your clients decided they were better dead because of you. And when that happens, people get angry... people will figure out how to overthrow you. It's happened to kings before."
Azul sat in silence, eye twitching ever so slightly at the gall of this... nobody.
"You have set yourself up for failure. You sit at the very peak of your achievements, the only way to go from here is down, Azul. And when you inevitably do, take it as a lesson. I've seen many promising figures such as yourself dissappear into obscurity. Believe me."
'It was practically my job to ruin stuff like this' Yuu thought. 'Just plant the bait now. Then wait for the fish to come.'
***
"Before I try and negotiate this, answer me this: do you expect a heist from me, Ashengrotto?"
"Oh no, that would be ridiculous. The photo you would be stealing is public property if anything. Nothing more than gum on the wall, no one would notice it missing."
"Uh-Huh and what about it being under the sea."
"You will be provided a premium potion to help you breath underwater. Rest assured, I made it myself."
***
Azul raised a brow when they saw Yuu scribble, circle, and underline certain words and sentences on the contract before pulling out a small pocket journal and ripping out a few small pages.
"I must applaud you work, Azul. You definitely know your way around a contract like a true scumbag."
Azul merely chuckled off the insult. "Of course, however I'm most curious on what your doing with that notepad of yours."
Yuu examines Azuls contract one last time, before ripping it in two, making Azuls eyes widened.
"How about, you make a deal with me?"
***
Azul quirked a brow at the small piece of paper in front of him.
"I have made a simpler deal that sweetens the pot for you. I'm sure you would enjoy it."
Azul looks at the paper, smug grin back on his face when he reads it.
Jack looked over at Yuu confused, before he could ask they answered.
"I have to retrieve that photo in that time span of three days. If I am successful, you release everybody. If I fail, not only will Ramshackle belong to you, but I will transfer to Octavinelle as your personal secretary or butler, no anemone needed. All of my knowledge and experience, yours. I've had a lot of experiencing serving, so I am sure you will be satisfied."
***
"That's crazy!" Deuce yells. "He's gonna run you ragged!"
"I'm part of a corrupted monarchy as an... upholder of the law... There is nothing worse than that. Besides. I win either way."
"How?" Deuce asked.
"Right..." Azul smirks. "I'll sign your contract then, Yuu. Just one—"
"Is there any benefit to staying in Ramshackle? Truly? If I win, Crowley gets what he wants and I get paid and fed. If I loose... well. Would I really? I would be in a new dorm that isn't rotten. I would have more access to food. Crowley couldn't boss me around as much. All this with the only downside of being a servant which I probably will get paid for— something Crowley doesn't do. I don't see a downside for me really."
'Plus if things turn out bad. I can just kill the bastard' Yuu thought.
"You need something from me to make sure I uphold this deal and don't try and change it, yes , yes... give me one moment."
Out of a hidden breast pocket, Yuu pulled out a small decorative box. It's design wasn't like anything from twisted wonderland and it looked quite expensive.
"This is the only personal item I was summoned with. The only think I have left of my family and home. If this ends up ruined in anyway, the deal is off, and depending on how bad the damage is, I may even have your head." Yuus voice stayed eerily calm as ever once again.
Likewise, the fellow businessman Azul stayed calm as well. You both understood each other. This was an act. "Alright then, so far this sounds like a deal..."
"And to calm your nerves, Azul, I'll show you what's in the box so you know I can't lie about anything being broken." Yuu opened up the box and carefully took a few items out. Old friendship bracelets. A couple foreign coins. Damaged Polaroids. "That is all." Yuu said, before putting them all back in.
"Now I would like to receive the potion right before we both sign this to ensure there is no time wasted." "Of course Yuu. It's a deal."
"May the best man win."
***
After another kiss to the hand and exchanged formalities, it was back to the Savannaclaw dorm, where you informed the others about what happened.
"You seriously just signed your life away." Leona snorts.
"Oh please you doubt me. I have a plan. One that you may enjoy..."
"Oh yeah?" Leona asks, unimpressed.
"The entire box is a lie." Leona looked over at Yuu, raising a brow.
"You see, there is several small machines within that box. Regardless if the box is places in that safe of his of not, they'll find a way in and seize all the contracts."
"You really think it would work?"
"If not i have a back up. However I would appreciate if you can be a part of this plan."
"Tch, what's in it for me?"
"Aww, I was being so kind to let you watch Azul squirm..."
"To the point."
"You see my first thought was to burn the contracts, but then I realized they may have a protection spell on them. That's where you come in. You're unique magic can turn it all to dust. Considering that potion you had for that stunt you pulled a while back, I'm sure this isnt your first time making a deal with him too, huh? And don't you hate the bastard? Not only do you get rid of any old deals you made, but you also get the snuff out the light in his eyes."
Leona smirked at your proposal.
"Do we have a deal?"
#royal mafia yuu#who may be a prince/ss#not requests#sprry for types#got cartiee away#twisted wonderland#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto
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Okay hear me out on this theory
I think Taylor might be better suited to Matty because they are more… equals.
Now a lot of people would assume that Taylor is the one who would be settling in any relationship. But I don’t think she views it that way. She consistently always wrote about Joe as though HE was out of HER league. He was perfect, good, unproblematic, kind, had a perfect life, was tall, attractive, and generally the Perfect Boyfriend. And she felt apologetic for bringing all her shit into his life. She saw herself as his lesser in a way.
However with Matty… like think about it. They’re incredibly similar. Same age, same height, same job, same experience with fame (she has more fame, but they’re both hugely successful), both understand stan culture, both have been cancelled, both have been in the industry 10+ years.
They’ve both been on world tours, they’ve both struggled with issues directly connected to fame… the list of shared experiences goes on and on and on. They are also both equally bringing shit to each others tables. Matty has his reputation-tainting past, and Taylor has her crazy life-ruining fans.
It’s just an interesting dynamic change from her and Joe. And what I’m most looking forward to are her future songs and how she’s gonna write differently about someone like Matty vs Joe
I agree that they have a lot in common. I hope neither one of them feels like they’re settling or reaching in their relationship cuz that can lead to resentment and insecurity. Not just with Matty and Taylor. With any relationship.
The key is to communicate and I hope they can make time for that despite both being on tour. Hope they’re happy 🥰
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Pll original sin eps 4&5 thoughts and theories
● Marjorie girl you gotta stop letting other people take the blame for your shit
● Verdicts in, I don't like Greg. I thought maybe he was just acting out because he was in a toxic relationship with Karen but no, he's just toxic
● Why are basements a thing you will never catch me in a basement
● especially Tabitha like what the fuck you should know to never go into a basement alone
● Imogen don't be talking to Miss Sidney like that
● though the moms were pretty cruel to Angela so like maybe you have a reason to be mad
● Here we go with the oujia shit leave the spirits alone
● The sheriff is such a piece of shit
● Faran is serving as Marion Crane
● I don't care who A is if someone fucks with my pizza they are gonna get smacked
● Holy fuck that Noa scene was emotional
● Walkie talkie club 4ever
● Shut the fuck up Wes challenge
● Faran as Poison ivy?? A look!!
● Shawn is pretty useless as a character, he has not done one interesting thing in 5 episodes
● why is no one questioning why a giant is at this high school party? If no one at your school is as tall a giraffe I would find it pretty fucking weird that someone that massive is creeping around this party
● and why did Davie keep Angela's mask? I'm assuming everything in that trunk was Angela's
● now for the theories:
● do I feel bad for Tyler being dead? Not one bit.
● I would have let Tabitha keep beating the shit out of him
● for Minnie either Elodie was previously married to a man or Elodie and Shirley used a sperm donor of someone they knew and allowed him to be a part of Minnie's life
● I still believe Kelly is Karen
● either way her bio dad wanted sole custody of her and kidnapped her and nows she's processing her trauma by 'helping' people whose kids went missing?
● but Minnie you gotta stop that shit and talk to a therapist
● Chip is the one who assaulted Tabby at the bonfire
● and I don't think Imogens attacker was a classmate, just some trash who saw her walking home alone and took an opportunity (maybe A??)
● I still find Henry to be sketchy as hell, I don't know what he did but he did something
● now that Davie is dead and Marjorie is gonna be in major trouble I feel like Sidney is next. Idk what kind of scandals a real estate agent can get into but there's gonna be a scandal to ruin her reputation
● I don't think Elodie is gonna be directly targeted by A because Minnie is gonna get herself into enough trouble with whatever the fuck she's doing and it's gonna connect back to some secret of Elodie's
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I’m a lil bit afraid after seeing Missy say things are getting complicated for mc but let’s gooooo
oh we’re just jumping right in okay
Wheein ,,,,, girl ,,,, I guess ,,,,,
It’s the way that mc is literally still getting her hands bandaged and STILL has to do this stupid fight ugh I hate seohyun
The way I wanna fight anyone who’s sneering rn
Grabbing her chin🥹
Oh SHUT UP YOU DUMB BITCH judgement day??? Yeah maybe for your sorry ass bc EVERYONE here knows you’re just doing this bc you’re jealous and it’s like you’re picking on a little kid as teenager when we compare training like COME TF ON
TELL HER MC
WHY IS SHE TRYING TO KILL HER ??? I mean we know why but SHES THE MF PRINCESS STOPPPPPP
Okay but also just need to add I can literally perfectly picture this fight in my head rn like sounds and everything
Aww bby is worried
MAYBE BC SHES HAD AS MUCH TRAINING AS APPARENTLY ALL NEWBORNS HAVE IN YOUR DAMN COUNTRY MAYBE THATS WHY YOU ASSHOLE
YEAH !!!!!
Idk if she’ll pretend being burnt out atp bc mc is pissing her off so hopefully she just fights in a rage with no brain
WE ALL KNOW THAT YOURE THE TRUE COWARD HERE OH MY GODDDDDD I WANNA MURDER HER
,,,,, does she ,,,,, not know history? Like if I was mc I’d be heated but from where I’m sitting seohyun just sounds dumb like who tf do you think helped y’all when your country first fell hello ?????
Idk she might fall for this jungkook ,,,,,,
YEAHH GO MC TELL HER !!
OH MY FUCK ABSOLUTELY NOT IS THAT ALLOWED ???? WHAT THE FUCK ????
AHHHH YAYYY !!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT !!??????
In sweetness there is strength baby
but ahhhh I’m so proud of mc omg she did amazing 🥹
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK NO I WILL MURDER THIS BITCH IM GOING TO SLICE HER HEAD OFF HER BODY AND STICK IT ON A PIKE THIS IS NOT OKAY
I’m sorry . I’m confused . Your reputation has already been ruined first bc of your awful behavior and now you literally lost to someone with barely any training and NOW you’re pulling this shit ???? Also what traitor???? And not standby if duty calls??? Literally what are you going on about?? I’m sorry she sounds crazy like none of this is happening idk ,,,, and if it is if anything it’s been happening /to/ mc with the whole assassination attempt thing so
I’m sorry. Did everyone else have their eyes closed? MC won. She won. Went to take a bow bc the match was OVER and then was kicked. After the match. Idk what kind of bs rules these are but mc won. Not seohyun.
Also jungkook,,,,, that’s kinda hot ,,,,,🫠
Ooh shit ,,,,, goddamn that was brutal and she deserved it🥰
You know I’ve about had it with these stupid fucking knights YALL WANT A PIECE OF ME??? LET ME AT EM MISSY wheein and I will go kick their asses
NO BBY YOU WON !!! You deserve to celebrate🥹 awww I’m really glad they’re celebrating her she deserves it !!!!
I mean atp this is how it should be like yeah I hope he is completely over that wench like come on now
WAIT sorry I just had a sinking feeling considering what Missy has said about the next couple chapters oh god like it’s good now I’m scared what’s gonna go wrong ,,,
Friends ,,,,, right ,,,, cuz the whole naked bath thing is a thing friends do,,,, okay ,,,
Personally I’d love to be manhandled like a sack of flour but in a fun way ya know but maybe that’s just me
With the pictures of jungkook that came out recently and this robe situation yeah do not talk to me rn ,,,,,
Ooh I hope she gets to trace them later🥰🥰🥰
Her waist🫠
Jungkook I’m gonna need you to keep your hands where I can see them for my sanity okay? Thanks🥰
AWWW THE FIRST OF MANY I BET !!!
TELL HWR JUNGKOOK TELL HER !!!!!! Bc she did win like that was v clear
The chin again 🫠 this is not what I meant by hands where I can see them I didn’t mean directly next to mcs eyes
G- good ,,,,,,,, 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
T-throat🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
,,,,,,rubbing windpipe .,,,,,,,,,
we ,,,,,,
dress
wALL ?????
not marking her I-
dONT BE QUIET ???????
B O S S E D A R O U N D ??!!!!!!?
,,,,,,,,
“look at me when I speak to you”
🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
T-thigh k-kiss 😣😣😣😣
Why are you bringing up another man in the bedroom rn babes GET UR HEAD IN THE GAME JK
rIPPED ?!!!!!?!!?!!
Side note it’s v clear you’re v possessive sweet prince like we all know hearing that she hasn’t done this before is turning you on
I- well. Possessive was the right word ig
ARE TOU SERIOUS RN WHO TF
WHEEIN .
JUNGKOOK ??????
Not Taehyun pls he’s been through enough😭😭😭😭
Ooh I hope mc gets back at jungkook for that
Wow that was an incredible scene tho you always amaze me Missy !!
LMAOOOO JIMIN GET HIMMMMMM where’s yoongi and hobi get them in on this too
No idea ,,,,, right ….
LMAOOO YESSSS MISSY YOURE GREAT BRINGING HOBI IN BLESS
Okay jungkook damn
POSSESSIVE EXACTLY I’m glad we’re all on the same page
OH MT GOD HE WANTED TO INCORPORATE HER PREFERENCES AHHHHH THATS SO SWEET
CUT OUT BENEATH THE CHEST HELLO ???? If you’ve got an image of this Missy I’d love to see it !!!!
“Does he like you too?” Oh my god mc🙄 what is this? Middle school?
Was not expecting him to give a straight answer alright ,,,,,,🫠
Pls don’t make her fight again ,,,
LMAOOOO CALL HIM OUT WE LOVE TO SEE IT
oh fuck off 🙄 we were having fun, read the room nobody wants ur dumb ass here cLaUdiN
LMAOOOOOOOOO AS HE SHOULD🗡🗡🗡
🙄🙄🙄 oh whatever
o-oh
nOT BEHIND THE CHAIR YOONGI YOURE LATE PLS this is not fair mc deserves to embarrass jk in front of yoongi this keeps happening😭
pLEASE NOBODY PERCEIVE MC RN
He’s just a lil jealous bby it’s fine
LMAOOO I love that everyone’s ready to bat for MC this is the energy I wanna see !!!! Throw wheein in the mix and bodies will drop I can assure you
AWWWW ONE FOR TAEHYUN TOO !!!! 🥹
Okay DAD 🙄
Not a shot from jimin😭😭😭
Aww a little full circle moment this is cute🥹
…… wait are they gonna get attacked ….. both drunk and vulnerable ….. dark corridor….. can barely stand while walking up stairs….. idk sounds like the perfect place to do a lil push and send them both tumbling to their deaths while making it look like an accident idk …… I am nervous
Oh wow, she- wow. Alright .
Are we.,,,, getting a second smut scene ???? Oh my god………….
Throat again 🫠
We- 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
MC he’s gonna make you pls for both of our sakes don’t provoke him😖🫠
Sw- we- okay.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO POOR MC MY POOR BABY
wow I mean the fact this is still going on after she 🤢 is impressive like damn they were really holding back the horny weren’t they LMAO
Oh wow
Do not do this to me I will smack you jk don’t leave her like that !!!!!!😠
Oh no pls don’t fight pls 😭
Oh god bless
I mean he’s right you drink that much you pay the price lol
OH MY GOD SHE GAVE HIM A HICKEY ???? LMAOOOOOO YOU LOVE TO SEEE IT !!!
And did. She really did. I can’t blame her🤷🏻♀️
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO RELENTLESS
JUNGKOOK PLS THE THROAT AGAIN
oH MY GODDDDDDDD🫠🫠
Ugh jeong dae this crusty old man🙄
Okay mc knows her stuff!!! I’m so proud of her🥹🫶🏻
Honestly she’s kinda holding her own and whether he’d admit or not I feel like jeong dae is a bit impressed so this is good !!
Oh my god now what.
Ex fucking cuse me ?????
NO THE FUCK WE ARE NOT
NO
NO
MISSY WHAT THE FUCK
AND ITS JUST OVER ?????
NO
NO.
N O .
…..
Honestly if I didn’t like you so much we’d have serious beef rn NOT MY BABY GIRL WHEEIN !!!!!!!
I want that man’s head on a platter rn the fucking nerve ,,,
Anyways,,,,
AN AMAZING CHAPTER AS USUAL MISSY !!!! God you’re such an incredible writer and storyteller and the SMUT SCENES MWAH! Idk how you did it but truly you hit like half of my kinks so love that for me! God. If you can have like a writer soulmate like a writer who writes exactly the way you like to read like you are it for me. MWAH!😚 a big ol kiss on your forehead!!! I literally don’t know what else to say I’m kinda flabbergasted rn and also have a headache bc I need to sleep so hopefully my commentary throughout my read can get my thoughts across. But truly an amazing chapter. The relationship ESP WHEN THEY JUST QUICKLY RESOLVED THE TRUST THING AHHHHH the growth is IMMENSE between them I’m so proud🥹 I’m sure it’s gonna get fucked up soon but for now I’m proud🥹🫶🏻 and the sweet little moments like morning after stuff and the spicey moments and possessiveness OMG AND THE TEASING FROM THE OTHER BOYS TO JUNGKOOK AHHHH I loved that scene that was so cute!!!!! Oh my god that fucking duel seohyun is such a coward and a loser good god,,,,
Things are def heating up in terms of the relationships but also just the plot like not my poor baby girl wheein😭😭😭 wait omg the way I was mouthing off like we were gonna kick ass together no did I curse her😭😭😭
idk what tf is gonna happen next I feel like taehyung is gonna be PISSED but I know it’s gonna be wild and crazy and I CANT WAIT(in a like non literal sense I will wait as long as you need bc a masterpiece takes time duh) thank you so much Missy for a great chapter and I can’t wait to see where your beautiful mind takes us next!!! Have a great rest of your week and make sure to rest when you need to!! And idk about where you live but where I live it’s crazy hot so stay hydrated!!! Plus it’s good to do anyways Love ya!! -💜💜💜
HEHEHE your reaction to the aftermath scene of the dual just had me giggling and kicking my feet 🤣 Jungkook really does have a thing for grabbing her throat in case you couldn’t tell LOL 🤣 ALSO
It’s a personal theory of my own but I’d like to think that Seohyun was probably having a manic episode, probably hitting its peak after realizing she lost to MC and then deciding to make a total ass of herself 💀 truth be told she actually doesn’t know Eunoia’s history! By some of Jungkook’s comments in previous chapters about being unaware of her history we can gather the common theme that Penumbra does not teach other countries history in detail unless it relates to them!
SO Seohyun was really opening mouth and inserting foot about all the garbage because she’s highly ignorant of Eunoia, even if she now has the resources as an adult to study it!
Also this is a total topic change but yES HE RIPPED HER PANTIES, IT WAS MEANT LITERAL HE WAS SO EXCITED AT THE FINDING OUT HE WAS THE FIRST TO GO DOWN ON HER SO HE RIPPED THEM RIGHT OFF also everyone’s reaction to his possessiveness in that scene is hilarious!! 🤣 I’m really living for it!
Also I’m really happy seeing how light everyone is taking the second almost smut scene HAHAH I wasn’t sure if people were gonna feel robbed because it’s been so long but like I needed to find a valid reason to get them to stop otherwise they were gonna do it totally hammered 🤣 I’m glad to see everyone laughing about it because I totally was when I wrote it.
Also your reaction to Claudin had me DYING 😭😭 the delivery, the spelling, it had me rolling on the ground LMFAO ALSO YES SHE GAVE HIM A HICKEY 🙌🙌🙌 I thought about doing it the other way around but then I was like 😈😈 it would be THAT much better if she gave him one and honestly?? No regrets because the whole court is probably waiting with bated breath to see them fight. Because when they see his hickey they all just assume he had an affair and then it’s actually just his wife like- oh it’s gonna be glorious honestly 🤣
You’re totally right about Jeong Dae though! MC has really put the effort into getting accustom to Penumbra and their history and it’s totally showing, and he is definitely impressed! But being the hard ass he is, he TOTALLY doesn’t wanna admit it 🤣
Also HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA 😈😈😈😈 yes it’s over!! Y’all KNOW how much I love my little cliff hangers!!! Ahh thank you so much for such a lovely review my dear!! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the time and effort you put into writing these not to mention I can’t tell you how flattered I am to be called your soulmate writer 🥹🫶 when I’m having a bad day with writing or I get a mean anon I like coming back and reading your reviews and so many others to remind myself that I’m truly blessed to have so many kind people express how much they enjoy my work!
I cannot appreciate it enough! It was SUPER hot here for awhile but it’s starting to cool down into chilly mornings and evenings and mild days here, a rare September for the Midwest where I live haha, but an early sign of autumn is VERY welcomed here! 🖤 I hope you stay hydrated as well and rest up! 🥹🫶🫶
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okay soooooooo, now that we know a bit more about them, what do Cairo and Moraia think of Darco since he's kinda like, there and looking out for Harlie a bit and also there's this whole thing where he's more of like a father to her than anyone else,, also the fact that he comes from a pretty well off family as well so i mean, are they nice to his face when he's around so they don't ruin their reputation?? do they just talk shit about him behind his back when he's not around?? do they just ignore and mind their own business and focus on Harlie instead?? i'm kinda just curious ksajdnkas
First and foremost they are HATERS!! Naturally! The Dazs family is known for making some assholes so to them, Darco is just another elitist asshole who hides behind a fake persona. They don't like that he's one of Malina's friends either since they're ALSO Malina haters
Naturally, they're pretty ticked off that he's there for Harlie and like. Actually treats her like a kid. and a person. Both of them (mainly Moraia)'s whole deal is that they take out their hatred for Moraia's parents and Malina onto Harlie as a way to fuck up Malina (even though it's not really working), so having someone who is literally their antithesis show up and treat Harlie with kindness and gets her out of the house so they can't hassle her is annoying.
Still, Cairo isn't directly hostile and Moraia keeps her comments framed as passive aggressiveness. While a lot of them are assholes, the Dazs' ARE still the most wealthy and well known family in Creamcrest, so they're not going to poke a hornet's nest and possibly be ostracized again cause they told the eldest Dazs son to fuck himself and leave Harlie alone. In private they absolutely complain about him but in person? Like I said, Cairo isn't directly involved and Moraia rides a thin line.
Darco knows they're both pieces of work though and doesn't like them, but he doesn't directly confront them on their behavior towards Harlie because he doesn't want them mistreating her more as a result; taking their frustrations at his criticism out on her and all that. He'd also absolutely figured out they don't like him either, but hey, it's mutual. He's just trying to keep things under control for Harlie's sake :(
#asks#V fun dynamics all around! And by that i mean. the horrors#They def flip flop between 'ugh hes not even her dad why is he always around'#and 'oh yeah he IS rumored to be her dad. wow. wont take responsibility publicly or financially but he's here? what a weirdo loser.'
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badboy!yeonjun x innocent!reader
word count: 21k
angst, fluff, smut
when your teacher asked you to tutor in the beginning of the school year, you were hesitant even then.
you knew that it meant your lunch period and one study hall for the day were gonna be completely booked, helping younger kids grasp the basic idea that the mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell.
but then you met one young girl desperate to pass her first test in october and knew your teacher had gotten you, sending a small, defeated smile her way as you gave her the okay to put your name on the list.
you didn’t expect to come back from winter break with the news that the next student you’d be tutoring wasn’t a sweet 7th grade girl but none other than choi yeonjun.
the overwhelmingly attractive but horribly intimidating boy who was a year older than you and had, quite possibly, one of the worst reputations the school has ever seen.
if he wasn’t getting suspended for fighting or smoking on school grounds, you’d attempt to block out the mindless gossip about him and all the college girls he’d frequently fraternize with.
he was in your lunch period when you were a sophomore and he was a junior and you couldn’t help but be fascinated by how handsome he was. how he carried himself and how everyone else seemed to be fascinated by him too.
he was always wearing some variation of black, like his closet was just an empty void of black leather, dark cotton and chains. if he didn’t have on a beanie or hat, his then blue hair was a mess of waves that always made you look a few seconds too long.
you’ll never forget the day that he caught you, your nose in a textbook as you studied for a midterm before a loud shout of his name caught your attention.
you looked up and watched one of his friends playfully punch him in the arm, something about him hooking up with the older girl he had his eye on first and yeonjun only smirking at him devilishly.
he didn’t look apologetic or regretful in the slightest, more so like he’d do again just because he could and just because he knew the girl would be eager to have another go with him.
your breath caught in your throat when his deep brown eyes met yours, his head cocked as he held your gaze with all the confidence and smugness you could never have.
it took his lips quirking into a cocky smile for you to snap out of it, cheeks warming and stomach churning at getting caught before you dropped your gaze right back down to your book.
it was a quick and thorough reminder that this is where you feel comfortable and this is where you belong - with your nose in a book and your mind on your studies.
you’ve always intended to just get through high school with good grades and minimal distractions, a small (almost non-existent) friend group that left you able to make straight a’s and work a small, part-time job.
you’d done a pretty good job of that thus far, no bad boys covered in all black and sliver chains to show you that, maybe, getting out of your comfort zone isn’t such a bad thing after all.
you met yeonjun during your 7th period study hall a week later than intended, him not showing up to either of the periods your teacher informed you both last week.
you weren’t surprised in the slightest but also wouldn’t dare tattle on him, simply dodging the questions from your teacher or giving her a polite smile and cryptic answer.
but you couldn’t even stop the way your eyes widened when the library door opened and he was making his way toward you, black beanie placed on his head along with a dark shirt tight across his chest paired with gray sweatpants that made you bite down on your lip.
his hair was pink now, long with a slight wave to it that looked all too soft and inviting to touch; the color probably shouldn’t work on anyone but, of course, it works on him.
devastatingly attractive in a way that doesn’t seem fair nor human.
he hasn’t said a word to you, he wasn’t even within six feet of you yet, but you were already scared shitless. you already didn’t trust yourself to be around him and not make a bumbling fool of yourself.
a pretty smirk crossed his face when he stood in front of you, looking down at you with a playful look in his eye that was far too mocking and sinister.
“hey. y/n, right?”
you never would’ve pictured this man saying (or even knowing) your name, nor him looking at you so willingly and intensely, but you have to quickly snap yourself out of it.
this was as professional a relationship could be between two students and you really had to get it together.
“hi, yes... that’s me,” you say softly.
so softly that you’re not even sure he can hear it but you can, unfortunately, hear the tremor in your own voice and it’s nothing but absolute embarrassment.
he happens to like it though, if the way his eyes light up and his smirk widens tells you anything.
“i’m yeonjun.”
“i know.”
you say the statement far too quickly and it causes your face to warm, your mouth hanging open as the amusement continues to build behind his eyes; you can see with your own that the boy is too handsome for his own good but something tells you he’s probably far too charming as well.
“i mean... we were supposed to meet last week,” you attempt to clarify.
it seems like a good save, something to make, both, your embarrassment lessen slightly and for him to know you’re aware that he missed the two sessions last week.
but it doesn’t seem to work, the boy sitting down across from you with all the confidence and smoothness in the world. he leans in closer and you hold your breath, horribly lonely and touch-starved heart fluttering in your chest.
“i know, sorry about that,” he says, a genuineness in his voice that you can’t help but question. “i was busy with some things.”
you don’t know what to say so you don’t say anything, not even wanting to think about what kind of things keeps a man like him busy.
your teeth sinks into your bottom lip nervously and you can just feel his eyes burning into you, moving across your pink face and down to your soft white sweater; it makes you look every bit as innocent as he’s presumed you to be and he can’t say it doesn’t make him smile.
“and yet, the teacher didn’t say anything to me about missing.”
you meet his eyes at his questioning tone, so scrutinizing and intense that you feel very grateful about your decision not to blow up his spot; you don’t even wanna know what he looks like when he’s angry.
or maybe you do, some darker and suppressed part of yourself thinks.
“that’s because i didn’t tell her,” you say quietly, a lump forming in your throat that you’re trying desperately to push down. “i didn’t wanna....”
you almost say tattle and you think your face wold turn an unnatural shade of red if that silly word left your mouth in front of him.
so you meekly and sweetly decide on, “i didn’t wanna get you in trouble,” a smile gracing his face that almost makes you feel like you’d done a good job or something.
and how ridiculous does that sound? you did a good job for the older, delinquent boy - you don’t know what’s gotten into you.
maybe his smile and his eyes and just the way he’s looking at you is making you feel as if you’re actually something to look at - you’ve never really been observed the way he’s observing you.
a deep, melodic chuckle leaving his mouth causes you to swallow nervously, watching him with a blank expression because you’re not sure if he’s laughing at you or with you.
your heart stutters when he leans back to stretch, his arm squeezing at the back of his neck; it takes everything in you not to watch his arm flex.
“how’d i know you were a good girl, hm?”
your eyes widen at his words, stomach swooping in a way that’s only ever happened when you watch couples on tv or read about a romance in books.
because it’s not only his words, it’s the way he carries himself. the way he’s looking at you and speaking to you, the way you never thought anyone would - let alone him.
he must mistake your utter...shock and fascination for confusion, eyes wide and cheeks flushed and he suddenly wants to place his hand on your cheek.
see if it’s as warm and soft as it appears to be in this very moment.
“you were in my lunch last year, no?” he hums, looking directly at you with zero ounce of fear and ever bit of confidence. “always with a textbook or writing something.”
he doesn’t remember all the girls that gawk at him but he remembered you immediately.
caught your gaze early last year and saw something flicker in your eyes, a soft and innocent fascination he wasn’t used to seeing but immediately made him wanna ruin you - he wanted to ruin you and he didn’t even know you.
he just knew that he’d watch you sometimes, discreetly and quickly, but enough to get his fix.
when he entered the cafeteria and made sure you were sitting there with your your face buried in a book.
when you’d get up to buy lunch or a bottle of water, pull down your skirt or adjust your hair in a way that made him wanna touch you in a similar fashion.
when you’d leave five minutes early (in what he fantasized was so you wouldn’t be late) and send him one last glance. feel your soft, hesitant gaze on his face and meet it carelessly at the very last second.
just enough to watch you get shy and see the blush so similar to now cross your cheeks.
he didn’t know your name and he, truthfully, never intended on learning it. because as much as he wanted to truly ruin you, he knew that’s all it was - a dark, twisted fantasy that someone like him shouldn’t act on.
but then when he walked in and saw you here, the tutor he was dreading to meet in such a familiar position, he knew immediately that you were her.
the cute girl from his lunch he wasn’t sure was an angel he wanted to protect or someone he wanted to fuck the shit out of.
you weren’t sure what to think right now, not wanting to get your hopes up or think too much into his question - you were in my lunch last year, no?
think that you were special and he remembers you for reasons far too fantastical so you only nod, figuring he could be taking a guess; there’s only three lunch periods after all.
“yeah. your hair was blue.”
a smirk crosses his face, chest warming at the fact you remembered him (even though the cocky, confident part inside of him knew you would).
“yes it was,” he confirms, smiling down at you in a way that makes your heart jump and pound even more. ”i was hoping you’d remember. because i knew i recognized you from somewhere.”
you don’t know how you’re gonna do this. you can barely look at him, how are you supposed to talk to him and teach him twice a week and actually-
“i do wanna ask you something else though.”
your eyebrows pull together at the slight change in his voice, cocking your head to the side as you look at him.
he’s leaning in a little closer now, tiny pink strands hanging from his beanie as his brown eyes bore into yours. there’s still some amusement twinged in his eyes but it all looks very deceptive, unnerving a part of you that your stupid little heart is ignoring.
he doesn’t allow you to ask him what before he starts talking again.
“how about we keep these sessions the way they’ve been?”
your eyebrow raises as confusion continues to plague you; your sessions haven’t even started?
you haven’t even taught him anything, what could he possibly- but it’s the moment he opens his mouth to speak again, you realize that’s exactly the point.
“you tell the teacher i’m coming to these and i’ll tell her what a good job you’re doing. how much i’m learning from you and shit.”
a smirk crosses his face when he peers into your eyes, catching the nervous, unsure look in them that only makes his smirk widen - you really are too cute.
you, on the other hand, don’t know how you feel about his suggestion; you just know how you feel about lying.
it doesn’t sit well with you and you don’t wanna get in trouble.
the teacher has a class during this period so it’s not like she’d come down and check but it still makes you incredibly queasy.
and if he needed tutoring in the first place, he obviously needs help. he’s a senior and needs to keep his grades up so he can graduate. it’d be your fault if he didn’t pass and you’d hate to be the reason he gets-
movement in front of you causes your thoughts to immediately stop, body freezing as you watch him lift his arm and bring his hand to your head.
he moves a strand of hair from your face before smoothing out the slight crease in your forehead, biting down on his lip when he feels your skin is just as soft and smooth as he suspected.
“what are you thinking so hard about?”
the deep, low tone of his voice and inquisitive look on his face is dangerous, almost as dangerous as the frantic beating of your heart and the way it’s about to pound out of your chest.
it’s like he has electric sparks shooting from his hand, making you feel extremely exposed and vulnerable even though his touch is quite gentle and innocent.
“i.... it’s just....” you stutter out, taking a deep breath because you know you need to get it together fast. “you’ve been having trouble, right? that’s... why you needed tutoring in the first place.”
his eyebrow quirks up at your comment and for a split second, you think you’ve offended him.
“i don’t want you to fail, yeonjun.”
he doesn’t allow himself to dwell on your words, realize that no one has so openly and sweetly said that to him before. or even cared enough to tell him that they don’t want him to fail.
he knows the teachers and counselors get him help because it’s their job.
he knows his parents bitch and complain about it because they don’t want him repeating high school or wasting their money.
he knows anyone who says anything to him about it is just doing it to make themselves look like a good person or friend.
but you just so openly and sweetly said it, a deep concern in your eyes that he knows he can’t dwell on or his similar feelings are gonna arise from last year’s lunch.
where he’s about to throw caution to the wind and do anything and everything he wants to someone as innocent and sweet as you; but he can’t do that and he knows it, he knows that’s why these session can’t happen - on top of the fact that it’s not only you.
he smokes during lunch and into this period.
and there’s just no fucking way he’s spending that time suppressing his predatory attraction to you while learning about shit he doesn’t understand and being high as a kite.
“you don’t gotta worry about me, angel,” he hums lowly, the name falling so naturally and smoothly from his mouth, he doesn’t even realize. “just do that for me, yeah? then you’ll have 7th free.”
you don’t hear much after he calls you angel, just that he’s asking you to do something for him and you’re blindly and dumbly nodding because he just called you that.
and it’s not until he smiles and thanks you deeply, looking over your face once more before saying that he’ll see you around that you realize you’re alone.
sitting there as you watch yeonjun walk out the door without a glance back and come to terms with the fact you just agreed to lie to your teacher for him.
for almost a month, you were able to keep it up.
it was terrifying and debilitating and it almost sent you into a full blown identity crisis, but you’d somehow managed to do it.
that was until this afternoon, when your teacher cut through the cafeteria during lunch with a cup of coffee in hand and suspicion in the pit of her stomach.
she saw you sitting there alone, your own books sprawled out around you as you wrote down notes before her short call of your name had your head snapping up.
her eyes watching you quizzically made your own widen, stomach sinking and heart starting to pound as he she made her way over to you.
“hi, y/n. where’s yeonjun today? it’s wednesday.”
the period only began ten minutes ago so it wouldn’t be weird for you to say that he wasn’t here yet. that he got held up after class and would be on his way shortly.
but you were just nervous and so bad at lying that you blurted out that he left to go to the bathroom, her eyes roaming the table in what you could only assume was for his books.
“he took his backpack with him,” you tell her quietly, smiling softly in an effort to hide your guilt and distress. she only hums softly before nodding her head, taking your word for it because why wouldn’t she?
you’re good and studious and wouldn’t ever lie to a teacher.
but then when she comes down to the library next week during 7th period with her class, catching you at the table by yourself, you do it again.
look her in the face and panic, make a scene of collecting your books as you tell her you forgot you guys were meeting in the cafeteria today - placing the blame on yourself.
you spent the rest of the period in the bathroom, collecting your thoughts and attempting to calm yourself down because you can’t keep lying.
you haven’t even talked to yeonjun since the first time you met in the library, only seeing him in passing in the hallway or after school.
he’ll send you a nod paired with his signature smirk and you’ll send him a small smile back, dipping your head before your cheeks flush at the mere sight of his eyes.
you wish you hadn’t agree to this.
you wish he didn’t effect you so much and you wish you could tell him you either need to actually help him or tell the teacher he doesn’t want to, because you’re losing your mind.
you’re anxious and upset and not feeling good about yourself, barely able to look your teacher in the face these days.
it’s on a friday before lunch, the bell ringing ready to dismiss you from her class, that it all comes crashing down.
she asked you to stay behind for a moment, everything about her face calm and neutral as you made your way over to her desk.
you were anything but calm as you stood before her, that familiar feeling of dread and guilt rushing in your stomach as you smiled softly at her and asked if everything was okay.
“yes, i just wanted to say what a great job you’re doing with yeonjun.”
you don’t even know what your face looks like but you know it’s probably the face of someone incredibly guilty, being praised for something you haven’t been doing and taking credit for it even though you know it’s wrong.
the feeling in your stomach confirms all of those feelings, tight and fluttery and buzzing with upset.
“o-oh?”
“yeah,” she smiles tightly, looking over your face before speaking again. “we just took our third test and he did great. in the low 90s.”
a part of you desperately hopes that to be true, that maybe he started applying himself and somehow started to grasp the material all on his own. you smile at the thought that that’s the case, nodding your head as you, against your better judgment, keep up the facade.
“i’m happy for him. he’s been working very hard. w-we studied at our last session for it, actually, and he really seemed to be understanding it.”
the contemplative look she gave you should’ve been the first sign that she knew you were full of shit, a quiet hum leaving her mouth. she holds your gaze until the moment you drop it, looking down at your white sneakers until she calls your name softly.
“y/n... why have you been lying to me?”
your lips press together as tears prick your eyes, all of the guilt and shame rushing through you at once.
“he failed his test and i know you guys haven’t been meeting.”
she knows that because you can’t lie. she knows that because yeonjun still doesn’t know anything and all of the students she’s recommended to you have passed with flying colors.
she knows because when you look up at her, your lip is trembling and it looks like you’re about to burst into tears.
“i... i’m so sorry.”
but even then, even after this moment right here, you’re still not gonna tell on yeonjun. because you don’t want him getting in trouble and you’re not gonna try to excuse your own behavior by admitting you agreed to it.
you’re just as at fault as the older boy and you’re not gonna pretend you’re not.
“why have you been lying? you could’ve just told me if you didn’t feel comfortable tutoring him or it wasn’t working out.”
because she knows yeonjun’s reputation. she knows he’s a year older and that you’re one of the shyer students in her class. she was hesitant at first to even put you two together but thought you’d be able to get through to him.
and because you don’t know what to say, how to make up an excuse that puts neither of you at fault, you don’t say anything. just continue to apologize with teary eyes and a shaky voice before she eventually lets out a sigh.
“take the next few days to figure it out. try to work on it with him or come to me and be honest that it’s not gonna work. but you didn’t have to lie to me, y/n. i’m a little disappointed in you.”
those words hit you harder than you care to admit, more tears building as you nod your head and quickly leave the room.
you knew from the beginning that it was wrong.
you never felt good about it and you knew it was bad but you still took part in it. she has every right to be disappointed in you and it feels like everything you worked so hard for has been ruined.
now you look like a liar who can’t be trusted.
now any time you tell her about another fellow student you’re working with, like the 7th grader you got through to or the 9th grader you helped get an a on their test, she’s gonna wonder if you really did that.
if you really helped them or if you’re just lying about that, too. telling them the answers to their homework or lazily explaining the concepts to them like you don’t work hard with each and every one of them.
you’re surprised to see yeonjun when you make it to lunch a few moments later, your stomach still in knots and left over tears in your eyes.
you don’t even realize you’re standing in front of his table until you hear one of his friend’s deep voices, a brash “who are you?” not even filling you with fear.
you’re only looking at yeonjun pathetically, wide teary eyes and pouty lips in an effort to hold back more tears.
yeonjun’s dressed in his usual attire but you can’t even focus on that, his pink hair flawless against his black shirt and chain hanging around his neck as he adjusts it carelessly.
soobin’s words catch his attention before your appearance does, looking at the front of the table and taking in the sight of wide, teary eyes and pouty lips; it pulls at something in his chest more than he cares to admit.
“yeonjun, can i talk to you for a second?”
your voice is wobbly and timid and everything about it so incredibly embarrassing, the tears in your eyes obvious to all the young men around the table.
you probably look like some girl he slept with and then left on read, begging him for another chance because your heart can’t take not being with him. because you got attached and now it feels like you need him.
but, really, you just need him to let you tutor him.
you can’t disappoint the teacher anymore and you had a job to do with him; you should’ve never told him that lying would be okay.
“who’s this?” his friend asks with a smirk, his hair a bright shade of purple that looks striking next to yeonjun’s.
“no one,” yeonjun’s quick to snap, looking at you before quickly getting up and guiding you out of the cafeteria by the small of your back.
he walks down a secluded hallway and out to the garden of the school, looking at the tears in your eyes and feeling himself frown.
“what happened?”
“i... she found out we haven’t been meeting,” you mumble, feeling silly and childish for crying in front of him about something like this; but you can’t help how you feel, you can’t help feeling sad and guilty about all of this.
your heart drops when he actually smirks at you, looking over your face with a gaze that’s just as soft as it is amused.
you’re almost positive he’s about to laugh at you, call you a loser for crying over something as juvenile as getting caught in a silly lie and hurt your feelings even more.
but then you’re quickly stiffening when his hand reaches up, gently brushing at your tears and marveling in just how soft your skin is.
“that’s why you’re crying?”
you’re embarrassed to say the least, any words you’d use to justify your reaction caught in your throat - and the smirk on his face isn’t helping either.
“you’re too pretty to cry over stupid shit like that, y/n.”
“it’s not stupid,” you respond, voice shaky and demeanor meek but still able to talk back.
because it’s not stupid to you. wanting to be nice and studious and a good person isn’t stupid. not wanting to be a liar or someone who goes back on their word isn’t stupid.
“she trusted me to help you and i lied to her.”
“we lied to her,” he says, voice and eyes teasing as he bends down to be on your level. you think he’s trying to make you feel better, a soft playfulness on his face that does anything but.
because you aren’t like him.
you aren’t cool and feared and you can’t not care about how you effect other people.
“why didn’t you just tell her it was my idea?” he asks suddenly, his eyes roaming your face in such a gentle but curious way. “she probably already knows that.”
“i... i didn’t want you to get in trouble.”
he rises to his full height as a small smile crosses his face, your soft voice and sweet words again effecting him far too much. he shouldn’t feel this way toward you and he shouldn’t want to be tutored now.
he shouldn’t be reaching out to touch the smooth skin of your cheek, a few stray tears making his lips fall into the smallest of frowns as you hear his voice the softest it’s ever been.
“i wouldn’t get in trouble, angel.”
and there’s that word again. making your wet eyes widen and stomach to flutter, wondering how and why that simple word sounds so nice leaving his mouth.
maybe because you’ve never been called that before.
could only imagine being called that by someone, let alone him, in such a way. or maybe it’s because it is him, the boy you watched for months on end, forever fascinated by the way he carried himself.
or maybe it’s because-
“but even if i did, how’s that your problem? why would you care?”
it’s a fair question you suppose but it doesn’t stop you from licking at your lips nervously, an all too familiar (and embarrassing) blush warming your cheeks.
“i mean... it’s not,” you mutter shyly, not sure if you’re more intimidated by him calling you out or the look on his face.
but even with those feelings, you’re still able to meet his gaze.
take in the deep, dark intensity staring back at you in his brown eyes. they’re softer than one would expect, almost soft enough to make you forget what you were wanting to say.
“but it’s just as much my fault as it is yours. so it didn’t seem fair.”
he smirks so he doesn’t say anything too brash, looking over the blush on your cheeks. his hand itches to move your hair behind your ear, a move he’d always do because he knew it was charming.
knew it’d get him laid and get a girl’s heart fluttering.
but now he wants to do it just to touch you, feel your hair and skin and watch the blush on your cheeks deepen; but before he can do anything, he’s surprised to hear you speak anything.
“but it’s also not fair to keep lying,” you say softly, a broken little smile crossing your face as you look at him. “i actually really hated the lying... so if you don’t wanna do the sessions, i’m gonna tell her it’s not gonna work for us. but if you change your mind, i’m still free during those periods.”
at that moment, he had every intention of telling you no.
he didn’t wanna give up his free time and energy to learn about things he’s absolutely sure he’s never gonna need to know after this.
he didn’t wanna sit through the sessions high or not get high at all, the only way he’s able to cope with the last period of the school day knowing that he could roll a joint in his car with soobin.
he didn’t wanna resist his obvious attraction and borderline fascination with you, act on it in a way he knows you’re not ready for and in a way he shouldn’t.
but when he walked in the library on monday, the time he told you he’d get back to you, you looked up and smiled at him. it was such a small, quick smile but everything about it called to him.
the twinge in your eyes and the way your hair fell, how even though your smile was small, it lit up your face and made you the prettiest girl he’d ever seen in his life.
at that moment, you were positive he was about to tell you no.
that thanks but no thanks, he’s absolutely not gonna spend his free period being tutored by a younger student who only stutters and blushes in his presence.
but when he sat down in front of you, a smirk on his face and eyebrow quirked, you couldn’t even hold back your look of surprise.
a deep chuckle left his mouth when he caught your expression, the sound one of the best noises you’ve ever heard.
“what? did you think i wasn’t coming back, angel?”
it took you a month to see yeonjun was just as confident and just as much trouble as you’d expected.
he was far too charming and attractive and funny, a sarcasm and wit in him that made you muffle your giggles like a middle school girl.
you weren’t used to talking playfully with the people you tutored, always so focused on getting the work done and making sure you were doing a good job explaining the material for them.
but yeonjun always made sure to delay it, attempt to get to know you before you could even discuss his homework or review sheet; and even though it hasn’t been easy, he’s been persistent in breaking down that wall you put up.
“did the flashcards help or do you think you’re more of a-”
“why don’t you ever go out?”
you suppress the urge to let out a sigh as you turn to look at him, his expressive eyes looking over your face.
you’ve gotten used to the feel of his gaze on you, almost like it was burning into your skin and leaving you exposed to the bone, but it didn’t help when you made eye contact.
looked into his eyes and saw him looking back at you so confidently and so easily, you couldn’t help but feel flustered.
“what do you mean?”
you know exactly what he means but it’s the only thing you could think to say.
you know more than anyone how much time you spend alone in your room, watching tv series and reading books and reorganizing until you don’t even recognize your own space.
but it’s not that you’re bothered by it, that’s what you like going. not going out isn’t something you find bad or upsetting.
“i mean i see people from your grade at our parties a lot,” he hums lowly, his eyes leaving yours only to look at the soft, pastel pink material of your sweater.
“but you’re never there,” he continues, looking at you and cocking his head to the side questioningly. “why’s that?”
“well, i’m not...invited, i guess,” you mumble out, ignoring the way your cheeks warm even more. “i like sticking to myself. and staying home.”
the words and your tone bring a pout to his face, your eyebrow raising at the sight. why is looking at you like that?
“well now you have an invite,” he says, a teasing smile crossing his face. “come to my friend’s party tonight. soobin, do you know him? he has the purple hair?”
his voice is far too sweet and soft compared to the look in his eye, teasing and flirty and reminding you of just how dangerous he is. how he’s capable of having so many different sides, he nearly gives you whiplash.
he’s the bad boy everyone thinks of him to be, skipping class and getting high and ditching tutoring lessons by smiling too kindly at a mousy little tutor.
he’s the play boy you see come out when he looks at you a second too long, bringing a blush to your cheeks and stirring something very unfamiliar in the pit of your stomach.
but then he has a softer side you see sometimes, like when he decided to do these lessons in the first place because you cried to him and made yourself look even more pathetic.
“i’m happy you decided to do these,” you say to him quietly.
it was only your second session but you wanted him to know you were supportive of his decision. that, even if your word meant nothing (because, really, who are you to him?), you were proud of him.
it’s not easy for a senior to give up a period or two to learn about things they don’t understand; you probably wouldn’t wanna do it either, if school and learning didn’t come naturally to you.
but for whatever reason, he agreed to do it.
“oh?” he hums, the trademark smirk on his face causing your cheeks to warm.
“yeah,” you smile softly, nodding your head before looking down at your clasped fingers. “i just... wanted you to know that. i understand why you didn’t want to but i think it’ll be good for-”
“why do you think i didn’t want to?”
you look at him and for a split second you’re scared that you offended him. you suppose you don’t really know him well enough to make an assumption about him but you just assumed he-
“or, you know what, no,” he says, shaking his head as he pushes his chair closer to yours.
he leans over the desk the same way he did during your first meeting last month, bringing your faces closer until you can smell cologne and the faint stench of cigarettes.
“i wanna hear why you think i changed my mind?”
you quirk an eyebrow as you look at him, staring blankly until you realize he just plans on doing the same.
“well... i guess it’s because you wanted to do good, right?” you ask meekly, unsure why he changed his mind but knowing that you were happy he did. “and maybe you didn’t wanna disappoint the teacher.”
a deep chuckle leaves his mouth that has butterflies erupting in your stomach, watching as he shakes his head and meets your gaze again.
“is that no it?” you ask bravely, your wide eyes and confused look causing his own stomach to do flips. “what’s so funny?”
but he’s quick to push it down, reach over to ruffle your hair in a way that makes your eyebrows pull together.
“nothing, angel,” he mumbles, his eyes roaming yours. you see the exact moment there’s s witch behind them, a flirty and darker front he puts up melting into a soft, vulnerable look.
“but thank you for telling me that. because i’m happy i’m doing them, too.”
he has yet to tell you the reason all these weeks later, probably because you wouldn’t dare ask again, but whatever it was, must’ve greatly inspired him.
because over these weeks, he’s really been putting in the work. writing notes and listening to you and asking questions when he’s not making you blush or inviting you out just for you to decline.
“so...?” he asks, a charismatic smile stretching across his face as he looks at you awaitingly. “what do you say? you wanna come?”
“no, thank you,” you smile politely, feeling bad for downright denying it but the offer feeling far too similiar to cliche movies you’ve watched. where the popular boy invites the nerd to a party and everyone laughs at her, questions why the hell she’s here and pulls some stupid, immature prank on her.
but this isn’t a movie and you don’t think you even have the capacity to show your face there, nor would anyone care that much to target you.
dismissing him is easier than really considering you hanging out with him outside of this library. seeing him in a different setting and allowing him to see a different side of you.
not you looking at him pleadingly, your eyes moving to the paper in front of him as you ask him to do the next question.
“i’ll do it if you come tomorrow night,” he says, a sigh leaving your mouth as you look at him in frustration.
“yeonjun...”
because if there’s another thing you’ve learned about yeonjun, it’s that he knows you have trouble saying no to him. it could because he sees the naivety in you, seeing something good in him at times and thinking you’ll really be able to help him.
but maybe he hopes you can help him, too. be a person he can lean on and know 100% is gonna be there for him.
“c’mon, y/n, don’t you wanna have a little fun?”
“i don’t think i’d find it fun,” you mutter honestly, a pout forming on your lips that has him swearing he’s never wanted to kiss someone as much as he wants to kiss you in this moment.
just brush his lips gently against yours, hear the little sounds and see your reactions that he knows will be the best thing he’s ever had. hold your waist and feel your skin against his that while it’s juvenile to him would be so much to you.
“you don’t know until you try, y/n,” he mutters lowly, looking up at him and seeing his gaze is, as usual, unrelenting. “have you ever been to a party before?”
of course you’ve been to parties before; birthday parties, graduation parties, wedding parties - but you’ve never been to a high school house party.
and are you about to tell him that? absolutely not.
“of course i have,” you mumble, a smirk on his lips because he can tell by the way you avert eye contact that you’re lying. “but it’s just... especially with kids from school who i don’t know? i don’t think it’d be fun, yeonjun.”
“but i’d be there?” he whines, something very uncharacteristic of someone who is known to be a bad boy. “isn’t that fun enough?”
you let out a groan as you frown again, tapping the notebook in front of you lightly as you meet his close gaze.
“your test is next week, yeonjun. can you please focus on that right now?”
it’s not until the next session that he thinks to use that to his advantage, supposing he can stand one more party without your presence as he smiles over at you.
“let’s make a deal, angel.”
you know when he calls you that that you’re not about to talk about school or his test, looking over at him with a raised eyebrow.
“if i get 100 on my test next week, you come to one of soobin’s party.”
you have to suppress a groan at the way he’s not letting up on this damn party, biting down on your lip as you do your best to give him a serious look.
“you should get the 100 because you want to, not because you’re trying to-”
his finger on your lips is the next thing you’re only able to focus on.
not the pounding of your heart or increasing anxiety at the thought of a party or the fact that there’s more people in the library than usual today.
you’re only aware of him touching you, a quiet “sh,” leaving his mouth that has your stomach fluttering far more than you care to admit.
he meets your wide-eyed gaze and smirks at the look on your face. his finger presses down on your bottom lip gently, dragging it slowly and watching as it pops back up.
there’s an almost pained look in his eyes that you can’t make out, his eyes never moving from your lips before meeting your gaze again.
“i want a lot of things, y/n,” he says, his voice deep and gruff and making your heart pound even more as he looks to your mouth again.
you feel your lower stomach swoop at the way he bites down on his bottom lip, his other hand ghosting over to rest of your knee.
your uniform skirt comes just above your knees, becoming higher when you sit and perfectly exposing your tight covered legs. his large hand rests on your knee like it completely belongs there, like he’s gonna dare anyone to tell him it doesn’t belong there and to take his hands off you.
“things i probably shouldn’t tell you yet so your pretty little face doesn’t become beat red,” he mumbles in your ear, his warm breath fanning onto your skin and making a shaky, embarrassing sigh leave your mouth.
but just him realizing that makes your cheeks flush. everything about his closeness and his words and the way he’s just saying these things to you right in the middle of the library.
the way his hand is slipping inside of your knee, fingers resting on the inside of your thigh that has some dirty, repressed part of you desperate to spread your legs just a little bit more for him.
feel more of his skin on you and heighten the feeling building in your lower half.
“but i can assure you, none of them are an on my test. but if that means getting you to spend time with me outside of this fucking hellhole, i’m gonna do it.”
just as fast as his hand was on your thigh, it’s gone and cupping your face. holding on to your jaw as he makes you look at him and has a look of softness and amusement but also darkness and arousal.
it probably has every bit to do with the fact you let out a tiny squeal when he did so, your eyes widening and legs now spreading apart ever so slightly.
“do you understand now?”
you should have the power here being his tutor but you don’t. you’re the cat and he’s the mouse, you’re the prey and he’s the predator and you’re not about to do anything to stop it.
“ye-yes yeonjun,” you say, a groan almost leaving his mouth at you how compliant you are already.
and it’s that reaction right there that has him skipping the party on friday and spending his weekend doing something he never thought he’d do his senior year - making flashcards and studying his ass off.
you remember being incredibly proud when, two weeks later, yeonjun came to your session with his graded test paper in hand.
he looked happy and accomplished and ready to take on the world, a warm feeling blooming in your chest at the look on his face.
“how’d you do?” you smiled up at him, your eyes soft and expression excited.
when he flipped the test over to reveal his 100% test, your first instinct was to raise your hand for a high five. it’s what you always did with the younger kids, praising them and sharing their excitement over a test that they worked incredibly hard on.
so when you did the same thing to him, quickly realizing he’s not one of your 7th grade students but an absurdly attractive man, your cheeks flushed and you stuttered out a “sorry.”
but he only chuckled lightly and high-fived you immediately, lacing your fingers from across the table before you could pull away. the action caught you off guard more than your nerdy high-five, eyes looking down to your conjoined hands before you gave him an incredulous look.
“what are you doing?” you squeak out, fearing that your hand’s about to get clammy and your heart may explode.
“don’t tell me you don’t remember our deal?”
you realized before you even entered soobin’s house that you made a grave mistake.
music was pounding through the open windows of the house and a few people were littered across the lawn. a drunken couple sloppily making out while another one fought about someone dancing with a stranger all before ten p.m.
you truly intended on never coming, telling yeonjun you seriously could not go through with this and had to flake out on your deal.
but he’d been so proud of his test. not just because it meant you were coming but because it showed him he was actually capable - or at least, that was the story he told you.
and whether you were silly and naive to believe him was on you since now, you’re walking into a party looking like someone’s holding a weapon to your back.
“so i’ll see you tonight, right?”
you were still hesitant even during 7th period this afternoon, looking at yeonjun with a pained expression.
“yeonjun... i really don’t know if i can do it.”
“why not? i’m gonna be there, just for you.”
you swallow down a bold, sassy remark that he’s gonna be there anyway, probably to remind your fluttering heart not to think too much into his comment.
but is him being there enough to make you go? or is that scaring you more? seeing him outside of school, around his friends, in an environment where he can be even more bold and daring.
after all, being in the school library didn’t stop him from creeping his hand up your inner thigh.
“i don’t just wanna follow you around all night and bother you like a lost puppy,” you whine quietly, knowing this was part of the deal but seeing just how impossible it is.
“how could you think you’d bother me?” he asks, his head cocked to the side just as the bell ringing interrupts you.
you let out a sigh as you stand to gather your books. you can feel his watchful eyes on you, attempting to ignore it as you silently get ready to go to next period.
he mistakes you walking away from the table to throw out a stray sheet of paper as you leaving, quickly rising from his feet and pulling you back into him. your body collides with his before he presses you against the table, the library nearly empty as the loud chatter of students can be heard from the hallways.
“were you gonna leave without answering me?”
his voice is deep and has a certain dominating darkness behind it, your eyes raising to his just in time to see him cock an eyebrow up.
“i... i was gonna throw this out,” you answer dumbly, raising the crumpled up paper behind your back.
he hums thoughtfully before taking it from your hand, crumbling it up and tossing it in the nearest garbage can. he misses but makes no attempt to pick it up, keeping you pinned between him and the table with no qualms about it.
“you missed,” you point out obviously.
a smirk crosses his lips as he lets out a hum, bringing his hand up to smooth out a piece of your hair.
“i’m gonna ask again,” he mumbles lowly in your ear, his large body and deep voice quickly making your breaths quicken.
“how could you think you’d bother me when i spent my entire weekend studying for that test?” he asks, his hands snaking down your body before gently resting onto your hips.
him pulling you closer causes another shaky sigh to leave you, your low, warning mumble of his name only making him smirk. he shouldn’t like this so much, how you sound so sweet and flustered and are allowing him have you like this.
“that was all for you, angel. not for me or the teacher or my parents or anyone else. just you. because i wanna hang out with you.”
you swallow the nervous lump in your throat as you raise your eyes to meet his, the playfulness that was in them turning the slightest bit dark. something in them making you lick over your lips as you try to calm your racing heart.
“you won’t even know when i’m there. how am i gonna find you?”
it’s the worst excuse you could have ever thought of but you’re not surprised since yeonjun was pressed against your body and breathing down your neck the way he was.
he chuckled lowly like he also knew it was the worst excuse you could’ve thought of, taking your phone from the table. he slides it open and looks to you, his eyebrow raised when you just continue to stare at him blankly.
then you remember, like every other teenager in the world, you have a lock on your phone.
“0319.”
he smirks at how easily you give it up, tapping a few buttons on the screen before handing it back to you.
“i put my number in there. text me when you’re there,
so even with a pit in your stomach and anxiety coursing through your veins, you go to his new contact name and type out “i’m here.”
you’re faintly aware of the fighting couple’s voices growing louder, his deep groans mixed with her higher pitched whines causing you to look over.
“i saw you touch her waist!” the girl yelps, her hands on her hips with a very obvious look of distaste. “so obviously you didn’t mind! maybe you should dance with her the rest of the night!”
“maybe i will, since you’re so god damn annoying,” he yells back, your lips falling into a frown.
the girl meets your gaze and it’s then you recognize her as a girl in your grade. she’s from the popular group but is one of the nicer ones, always smiling politely at other students and listening to teachers during their lessons.
she almost looks embarrassed to be caught in this scenario, a broken smile crossing her face before her boyfriend notices your gaze; you don’t recognize him, so you think he must be in yeonjun’s grade.
“what the fuck are you looking at?”
your cheeks flush as you immediately snap your head away, quickly becoming scared and uncomfortable. you can hear her chastising him but just want to be away as soon as possible, the prospect of this drunk man cursing at you somehow worse than a house full of strangers.
yeonjun hasn’t answered your text but you still take a deep breath as you walk toward the front door, immediately hit with the scent of alcohol, b.o. and weed. there’s loud music blaring from the speakers and making the house vibrate, bodies littered throughout the house as they all talk loudly and dance.
your eyes scan the room for his pink hair, stomach sinking when you see no sign of him.
is he even here yet? he told you he was coming at nine but could he be running late? or did he forget entirely, ignore your text as a joke and now you have to-
“hey. how do i know you?”
the first thing you see is purple hair and you’re immediately thrown back into the crowded cafeteria all those months ago. when you so boldly went up to yeonjun with tears in your eyes and he was quick to pull you away.
you remember the boy in front of you asking who you were, the same curiosity in his eyes now as you stand in his house looking extremely uncomfortable and out of place.
“i... my name’s y/n,” you begin quietly, the boy barely able to hear you over the music and loud chatter. “i had to talk to yeonjun during lunch once so i went up to your table and-”
“well shit, so you’re her.”
there’s a smirk on his face and gleam in his eye, like he knows something you don’t. you cock your head to the side in confusion, watching as his smirk widens and he nods his head approvingly.
“his tutor, right? he told me about you.”
“oh... yeah,” you say quietly, because yeah, that would make sense - his friends probably wonder where he goes during his free period now; there’s a few beats of awkward silence before he speaks up again.
“so what are you doing here?”
your cheeks flush and you wish you could blame the stuffiness of his house, looking to him as you stutter out that yeonjun invited you.
“did he now,” he hums, his eyes roaming your face and stopping on your cheeks. he doesn’t know what exactly yeonjun wants from a girl like you but he has to be honest in saying he sees the appeal.
“follow me then, sweetheart. you want a drink?”
you shake your head before following behind him, making eye contact with one too many intimidating boys and girls before landing on your feet. everyone’s in pretty heeled boots and crop tops, dancing and singing and grinding like they don’t have any cares in the world.
like they’re not terrified and dreading being here, even with the knowledge that the attractive boy they may or may not have developed a crush on is lingering around.
“oh, yeonjunnie,” you hear soonbin whine sarcastically, your eyes shooting up just in time to see his familiar black attire. his pink hair is poking out of his black beanie, the chain around his neck hanging low as he turns to look at his friend.
“i found someone for you,” the boy says before yeonjun can respond, bringing you around to the front.
you’re in the middle of both boys who tower over you and you’re not sure if you’ve ever felt more threatened; especially because when yeonjun looks at you, you’d think he didn’t know your name.
because he doesn’t give you a hi or a smile or even a flicker of recognition in his gaze.
he looks at you and simply says, “well, shit, i didn’t think you’d actually come,” with such a handsomely conniving smirk, you’re not sure what to think in that moment.
because it seems as if all your silly, irrational fears are coming true in this moment. very much like the movies you’ve seen and scenarios you’ve pictured where you’re humiliated at a party or by the popular boy.
but his smile and his words seemed so genuine. he’s seemed so genuine getting to know you these past few months, how could he have faked it so well?
the way your face drops and cheeks warm cause his heart to break a little, still all too aware of the questioning eyes and lingering looks thrown your way.
“didn’t you invite her?” soobin questions, looking between you and him and noting how embarrassed you look.
“i did,” is all yeonjun responds. no rhyme or reason or answer as to why he did. just that he did. so it could very well be a joke.
“well then, welcome, y/n,” soobin responds, reaching his hand out to you. “i’m soobin, in case we weren’t formally introduced.”
you give him a tight smile, yeonjun’s piercing gaze on yours as you take soobin’s large hand in yours.
“nice to meet you.”
your voice is soft and shaky and brings more heat to your cheeks, wanting to die when soobin rips up one of his friends for you to sit on the couch.
“i don’t mind standing,” you insist, shaking your head and offering a small smile to the other boy.
“no, no, pretty girls shouldn’t stand,” soobin says with a smirk, catching the way yeonjun’s eyes roll and jaw clenches; it all goes unnoticed to you, though, too busy sitting down and looking at your hands nervously folded into one another.
“so y/n,” soobin says, sitting down across from you and leaning forward the same way yeonjun does during his tutoring sessions. “what’s it like to tutor this idiot?”
his words are laced with affection, as are his actions as he ruffles yeonjun’s beanie playfully, but they still make you frown. still make you wanna defend him in front of others and ensure that he’s not an idiot.
“he’s great actually,” you say softly, lips pulled up in a soft smile. “very smart and learns fast. definitely not an idiot.”
you look to the boy to see him staring blankly at you, heart sinking in your chest; you’re becoming increasingly uncomfortable in this environment and a big part of it as to do with his attitude.
you weren’t expecting him to be overly excited, kiss your feet upon seeing you arrive or proclaim an irrational excitement. but it kind of seems as if, right now, he could care less that you’re here.
“ahh, that’s cool then,” soobin smiles. “you’re a year younger than us, right?”
you can only hum a small “mhm,” yeonjun’s gaze burning into your face causing you to look at him.
it’s the same soft, wide-eyed look you give him during your sessions but right now, it’s making him feel far too unsettled. like people seeing him with you are gonna show them a different side to him he has yet to acknowledge.
“why’d you decide to come?” he asks, not being able to stop the words; he already knows the answer, he basically begged you too.
and because you’ve been nothing but sweet and soft to him, he’s not surprised when you don’t throw it in his face that he’s the one who enforced this. that he studied for nights to pass that test so you’d feel inclined to come.
“i thought it’d be fun,” you say sweetly, i thought we’d be able to have fun outside of school like you claimed to have wanted. “i don’t really come to parties a lot.”
“i can’t imagine why, you seem really sweet and funny,” soobin says, a flirty smile on his face that makes a blush creep up on your cheeks; he’s so bold and confident, you don’t know both of them do it. “you should come to more.”
seeing that shade of pink on your cheeks from someone else angers yeonjun more than he cares to admit, throwing his friend a dirty look before growling at him to shut up.
“why? she’s sweet, isn’t she? maybe i need to be tutored too,” soobin says, throwing a smile your way as he plops down in the spot next to you. “what periods are you free? maybe we can go out for lunch and have a session.”
“i... i’m not allowed to leave for lunch.”
that’s a school rule - only seniors are allowed to leave for lunch. but with the way soobin laughs and yeonjun hold back a smirk, the other people littered around also letting out soft chuckles, it appears that’s something not many people follow.
“you can with me,” soobin assures, patting your knee softly as he sends another charming smile your way. “i’ll make sure you don’t get in trouble.”
you smile in an effort to downplay your embarrassment and discomfort, an annoyed sigh leaving yeonjun as he rises from his seat. he looks even more big and broad surrounded by these people for some reason, in his element where he fits in like a glove.
it’s even more evident that you don’t fit in here - at least in the library, that’s a place you belong. the quiet, the smell of books, the solidarity, a keen sense of-
“i’m getting another drink.”
yeonjun’s words are short and deep as he quickly gets up, hauling ass to the kitchen before anyone can even respond to him. his friend must see the look on your face too, a small pout on your lips that has the boy frowning next to you.
“don’t worry about him, he’s grouchy tonight,” soonbin says reassuringly, wrapping his arm around you affectionately. “some girl stood him up.”
the first thing you feel is a blow to your chest, an unfamiliar pain right in the center as you register soobin’s words; he begged you to come tonight but was waiting for another girl.
probably one of the many college girls, who are prettier and funnier and more charismatic than you.
so, really, you can’t be surprised. you were silly to think he liked you in the way you thought, in the way you’ve come to discover you like him because he makes you smile and laugh and feel warm inside.
but even so, you’re hurt.
you’re hurt and embarrassed and feel humiliated even though no one knows the real reason you came here and stepped way out of your comfort zone. thank god for that, you think, because it’d be even more horrible if people knew you came for yeonjun, all while he was waiting for someone else.
“oh,” you manage to squeak out, a soft look on your face despite the pain and embarrassment inside of you. “that’s too bad.”
“yeah,” soobin says, looking at you with sympathetic eyes you know you can’t trust. “he’ll be good, though.”
you bet he will, you think, because that’s just who choi yeonjun is. he doesn’t care who he strings along or makes believe is special - he’s gonna do what he wants when he wants it with no regard for how it effects other.
even a sweet little meek tutor he was able to get under his thumb the first day he met her.
when yeonjun returns, he can tell immediately that something is wrong with you. your hands are clasped together and you’re biting the inside of your cheek, fiddling nervously as you listen in on the conversation around you.
you meet his gaze and he’s quick to look away, one because he got caught and two because he doesn’t know if he can handle the look in your eye right now.
you’re always almost about to make him crack, break down into being someone worthy of you, and he doesn’t wanna do that tonight. doesn’t wanna show everyone here that, if he wants to, he can be a worthy person.
you’re a second away from breaking before soobin asks if you wanna dance, a tight smile on your face as you shake your head.
“i... i’m actually gonna go outside for a sec,” you say, knowing full well you’re gonna book it to your car and never return. “it’s hot in here. i need some air.”
“there’s plenty of air in here, angel,” soobin remarks, your eyes widening at the term.
it sounds different coming from his mouth, not as deep and melodic and it doesn’t let off a bunch of butterflies in your stomach. you’re too busy giggling softly as you shake your head that you don’t hear the deep, low noise of distaste leave yeonjun’s mouth.
you only see him grab soobin’s arm when he tries to get up to follow you, a lowly growled “let her go,” that makes your eyebrows pull together; you don’t know if he’s trying to hurt your feelings on purpose but he’s certainly doing it a lot tonight.
it feels like you can finally take a deep breath when you get outside, no one around except the chilly air and starry sky. it makes you feel a bit better, sinking down on the stairs and humming contently when your hands meet the cold concrete.
you passed by the dancing people and laughing, smiley couples inside and felt silly for coming here. silly for thinking yeonjun wanted you in his life without him getting something out of it.
what would he want from you anyway? what could you possibly give him when he’s already had so much better?
tears prick your eyes and you bury your face in your hands, taking deep calming breaths so the harsh winter air doesn’t feel like it’s burning you.
you avoided boys and feelings like this for so long and with good reason; you’re too sensitive and naive and always try to see the good in people.
you’ll put your feelings aside in order to spare someone else - you saw it in the beginning, pushing down your qualms about lying to the teacher to further appease a boy you found cute.
and when you put it like that, it sounds really fucking stupid. it sounds like, maybe, you’re just-
“didn’t i tell you you’re too pretty to cry over stupid things?”
your first instinct is to turn around when you hear his voice, his tall, dark figure looming behind you.
you should probably smile shyly or say that you’re not crying but you can only stay silent, turning back around to avoid his intense gaze and your own humiliation.
the same way he should probably go inside and carry on with his night the way he usually would. drinking and flirting and dancing before he probably brought someone home or into the bathroom.
when he moves behind you, that’s what you think he’s about to do.
but then he’s walking around your sitting frame and bending down to you, looking up at you from his crouched position. his hand reaches out to touch your face, forcing it up so you can only stare at him with teary eyes and flushed cheeks.
there’s a frown on his face as he runs his thumb across your cold cheek, his gentle touch a shocking contrast to his harsher appearance.
“what happened?”
what happened? you think, not used to feeling so snarky and hurt. what happened was that he got your hopes up, was nice to you and invited you and kept making you feel special, just for them to come crashing down.
but then the more you think about it, the silence between you getting longer and longer, the guiltier you feel - because your feelings aren’t his fault.
you taking his looks and kindness and lingering touches for something deeper was a mistake. you know the kind of boy he is and have still been foolish enough to fall for him.
“nothing,” you grumble, a wet, humorless laugh leaving you as you shake your head. “i’m just being silly.”
but you can’t look up from your feet, your eyes roaming the cracks in the concrete, and that’s how he knows you’re lying; that, and because he knows he was being a fucking dick.
but seeing you in this environment was weird for him. seeing people look at you and look at him, specifically soobin who got it out of him that he might like you, was unfamiliar for him.
the same way this was unfamiliar for you - which is why he wants you to talk to him.
“what happened, y/n?” he asks, voice a tad bit harsher and deeper as he cranes his neck down. he hears your harsh, nervous intake of breath and resists the urge to reach out and touch you.
you need to answer him before he can touch you.
but you never do. not after ten seconds and not after a minute, prompting him to let out a sigh and pop his neck to the side. your face pulls into a grimace at the crack that sounds through the air.
his cold hand touching your face causes you to jump, your eyes meeting and a lump forming in your throat; his eyes fool you too much and that’s exactly the problem here.
“talk to me, angel, c’mon.”
your eyes start to burn when a harsh wind passes, tears stinging your eyes and coldness rushing over your face. why does he have to keep calling you that? why does his voice have to sound so sincere and why does he have to look at you the way he is right now?
like he cares so much and hopes those tears aren’t because you’re sad.
“there’s nothing to talk about, yeonjun,” you blurt out, anger and humiliation seep into your tone before you can stop it. you let out a sigh as you try to get it together, taking a few calming breaths before shaking your head.
“just go back inside, okay? i’m going home. t-thank you for inviting me but i-”
“i don’t want you to go.”
he blurts the words so loud and fast, it even sounds a little awkward to your ears. but he sounds and looks almost desperate, your eyebrows pulling together and heart sinking as you take a deep breath.
because you know you can’t stop the next words from tumbling out of your mouth.
“well, it doesn’t seem like you want me here.”
your words are soft and quiet but they still physically pain his chest, his eyes roaming your face as he brings them to your cold cheeks. he wipes under your eye when wetness forms, the cold biting wind rushing around you both.
“i want you,” he reassures quietly, his voice just as low and gravely as he speaks hushly to you; he thinks it’s the most honest and true thing he’s ever said to someone. “i want you more than you know.”
“then why are you acting like that?” you question sweetly, the pout on your lips nearly making him groan and cover them with his. “you were being... mean. i felt like... you didn’t want me here at all. or didn’t want people to know you invited me.”
your words break his heart but he also knows they’re true, his fingers caressing your face gently. he notices then how freezing and red it is, looking you over and rising from his feet.
you look disappointed that he’s gonna leave, your face falling and eyebrows furrowing before he reaches his hand down to you.
“let’s talk in my car,” he clarifies, nodding his head toward his vehicle. “it’s freezing out here.”
you bite down on your lip, contemplating it for a few seconds before another harsh gust of wind passes. you let out a sigh as you take his hand, grateful to enter his car the moment you sit down.
he turns it on and the engine roars to life, his fingers reaching out to turn on your heated seat.
the next few moments only consist of the car’s engine warming up as you wait for the heat to kick on, you and yeonjun stealing glances back and forth at each other; you both miss the others gaze by a few seconds and if anyone were to be watching, it’d be obvious you both were nervous right now.
dancing along the line you’re both nervous to cross for entirely different reasons - you because you somehow don’t think he reciprocates those feelings and him because he knows you deserve more.
but in this moment, he decides he has to be selfish. watching you with a flush in your cheeks and your lip drawn into your mouth.
“i like you, y/n. that’s why i wanted you here,” his voice says, breaking the silence in a way that almost seems more terrifying. “but that’s also why i didn’t... want people knowing.”
your eyebrows pull together and immediately your mind goes to him being embarrassed. embarrassed that you’re younger and quiet and that no one really knows who the hell you are.
he’s infamous and cool and a senior, obviously he should be with someone similiar. like a popular girl in his grade or a college girl or maybe even a the girl who stood him up.
“not because of you, angel, but because of...”
“you?” you interrupt, a snark in your tone neither of you except; but you’ve heard this line one too many times, not expecting to ever ever hear it real life, let alone toward you.
“it’s not you, it’s me?” you ask, a gentle, faux smile on your face as you shake your head at him. “is that what you’re about to say?”
he clenches his jaw so he doesn’t smirk, resisting the urge to laugh as he looks you over carefully. it’s obvious your smile’s fake because it doesn’t meet your eyes, the teary glint in them every bit sad as they are frustrated.
but of course, you’re too sweet to treat him as he deserves.
his hand reaches out to grab your chin, his thumb and pointer finger on either side as he forces your gaze to his. his smirk comes through when he hears your sharp intake of breath, tongue peeking out to lick at his lips.
“if you let me talk, angel, you’d know what i was about to say,” he hums quietly, his breath fanning into your face at his closeness. it smells of mint and beer, it should probably be gross but surprisingly isn’t.
his words successfully stir you into silence, partially from fear and partially because the look in his eye has caused you to grow warm all over; and once he sees that, he begins to speak again.
“i didn’t want people knowing because i didn’t want anyone fucking with you, y/n. because if they did, i’d have to ruin them and then everyone would see it.”
“see what?” you ask quietly, the air between you thick and buzzing as you hold his gaze.
hold it so adamantly and intensely, you’re barely able to register him leaning closer. inch by inch by inch, until his lips are pressed against yours and you’re kissing choi yeonjun in the front seat of his car.
you’re stiff and awkward and don’t really know what to do but it’s fine because he laces his fingers in your hair and pulls you closer. parts your lips with his tongue which causes you to kiss him back with a slow, unsure pace.
but it only causes him to smile, retracting his tongue and keeping it sweet before he pulls back and rests his head on your forehead.
“why i decided to spend my free period during senior year getting fucking tutored, angel,” he chuckles lowly, his hand running through your hair gently.
the soft look in his eye causes you to swallow nervously, words caught in your throat as you stare at him wide-eyed.
“i... i thought you... you said it was...” you let out a shaky breath as you try to get your thoughts together, completely unable to remember your conversation from weeks ago. when he cryptically asked you your thoughts about just why he agreed to stop lying to the teacher and do the sessions;
so instead, your cheeks warm and you’re hit with the reminder that you just had your first kiss with him. and that you were probably absolutely terrible at it.
“that was my first kiss. i... i’m sorry if it was bad.”
a small smile crosses yeonjun’s face as he shakes his head at you, thumb dragging down your cheek gently to feel the warm, smooth skin of your cheek.
“it was perfect, angel, you’re perfect.” he mumbles, your eyes widening and heart stuttering as a ball forms in your throat. “so perfect that i thought you stood me up and weren’t coming. so let’s go on date. a real date, this time.”
in the beginning of the school year, you would’ve never imagined your study sessions with yeonjun would be turning into dinner dates; but as you sit in your room and get ready, your heart pounding and palms sweaty, that’s exactly what’s happened.
it’s the fourth date you guys are going on and you can officially say that you really, really have feelings for yeonjun. you’re still shy and nervous around him but it’s only because he’s more comfortable with you too.
he takes your hand with ease and laces your fingers together that he was meant to do that.
he’ll shamelessly peck a kiss to your lips and deepen it at any given time, your cheeks burning and embarrassed voice telling him to stop when he did it in the middle of the bowling alley last week.
he’ll watch you and smile at you and just touch you with the softest of intentions, you almost can’t believe this is the bad boy everyone claims is so mean and heartless.
you say almost because you still don’t do it in school. it’s still a somewhat... secret fondness you have for one another. he’ll play with your fingers under the table during sessions and wink at you in the hallway but that’s about it.
he’d probably never kiss you in the hallway or cafeteria but you also wouldn’t want that. it would draw way too much attention and probably leave your face with a permanent, embarrassing flush.
“are you going out?” you hear your mom ask, her head peeking in before a smile brightens her face. “aw, you look beautiful, y/n. yeonjun must be coming soon.”
the topic of dating had been undeniably embarrassing with your parents, mostly because they couldn’t believe you were showing an interest. but they welcomed yeonjun with open arms, insisting to meet him at the front door to ensure he was a nice boy.
and oh had he really showed you just how charming he could be.
“mom,” you whine in embarrassment, her laugh echoing in your room as he throws her arms up defensively.
“you guys be careful. it’s supposed to rain soon.”
you nod your head as you finish getting ready, smoothing over your hair once more before your phone vibrates against your desk. he texted you that he was on his way with a smiley face and heart, sending one back before looking at yourself in the mirror.
you don’t know what the hell he sees you or why he likes you but you know if you dwell on it, you’ll talk yourself out of everything. convince yourself that this is all a joke and he’s gonna turn around and say he pities you.
even though, when you brought this up to him, he was quick to calm those worries.
“c-can i ask you something, yeonjun?”
you were walking home from the movies with your hands intertwined.
the cold, harsh winter had blossomed into spring, the night air growing less frigid; there was a still a bit of a chill but it was nothing a jacket and yeonjun’s warm body couldn’t fix.
“of course, angel,” he mumbles lowly, a small smile on his face as you stop in your tracks. he’s quick to follow, eyebrow raising and body turning so he can look down at you.
he cocks his head to the side when you don’t speak for a few seconds, his lips falling into a pout as his hand tightens in yours.
“you okay?” he asks quietly, thumb tracing small circles into your skin.
you lick over your lips nervously, feeling silly for the need to ask this question but it’s one you can’t help. it wracks your mind over and over again and it feels like you’re about to-
“why do you like me?” you blurt out, unaware you even said the words until you notice yeonjun’s face morph into one of surprise.
his mouth opens and closes for a moment, brows pulled together as he tries to make sense of your words.
“i mean, what’s not to like?” he asks softly, taking you by the hips and pulling you closer to him.
you’re in the middle of the sidewalk but there’s no one around, the sky dark and streets desolate as you both meet each others gazes - yours full of doubt and his full of confusion.
“i... i don’t know,” you mumble sheepishly, looking down at your intertwined hands. “i just... it doesn’t really make sense.”
“why? because i’m older? because you’re smart and i’m not?” he teases, your panicked eyes immediately meeting his.
“no! more like the exact opposite,” you clarify as you shake your head. “because you’re popular and attractive and charming and i’m just.... not.”
his eyes roam your face and his heart sinks when he sees the doubt and nerves continue to grow. how you really feel this way about yourself and are pondering the idea that someone like him would want someone like you, when really, it should be the opposite.
“y/n, i’m lucky that you’re settling for me,” the pink-haired boy laughs out, squeezing your hips reassuringly. “you’re good and sweet and so fucking beautiful. i wanted you the second i saw you, you know, but knew i shouldn’t.”
your eyes widen at his words, shock behind them that has a laugh bubbling from his chest.
“in lunch. i noticed you the first day and thought you were an angel,” he says, the nickname he always calls you particularly getting the butterflies going tonight.
“i could tell that you were good. you just have this.. aura, y/n, and i knew that i would taint it. i knew you deserved someone way better. because i’m not good like you.”
"yes you are,” you respond immediately, a frown appearing on your face as you shake your head. “you pretend not to be, but you are, yeonjun. i can see it.”
“you can see it because i wanna be good around you, baby. i wanna be someone good for you.”
tears prick your eyes as a lump forms in your throat, overwhelmed and unsure of how to respond to that. he smiles softly as he takes in your face, leaning forward to press his lips against your forehead.
he inhales your sweet, vanilla smell while you take in his cologne and faint scent of cigarettes, swallowing down the lump and praying you don’t burst into tears on the spot.
“don’t doubt yourself, angel,” yeonjun mumbles against your head, puling you closer until your flush against his warm, broad body. “i’m the one who got lucky here.”
even though it meant wasting away in the fucking library.
“the library isn’t that bad, yeonjun,” you whine ten minutes later in his car, heat blasting and music low as he drives to the restaurant. one hand’s on the steering wheel while the other’s laced with yours, your body turned in his black leather seat to look over and chastise him.
he confessed to you that your sessions were the first time he’d ever stepped foot in that library; he hadn’t even been positive that school had a library until he walked through the door that day.
“it smells like dust and the librarian’s a bitch.”
“she is not!” you squeal, smacking his arm lightly as you throw him a chastising look. “she’s just a little... misunderstood. people don’t respect her space.”
even you can admit sometimes she does go a little overboard; you saw her once lecture a younger student for a half hour because they mistakenly put a book on the wrong shelf.
“you’re too nice, baby. maybe even a little biased, since you’re the only one she seems to tolerate.”
“probably because i’m there every day,” you tease lightly, your eyes widening playfully before a loud crack of thunder causes you to jump in your seat.
your mom hadn’t been kidding when she said there was gonna be a storm tonight. you’d ran to yeonjun’s car shielding the top of your head, rain pelting down and wind howling as your mom’s “be careful!” got drowned out.
and right now, it only seemed to be getting worse.
“you scared of thunder?”
you hear the smirk in yeonjun’s voice and resist the urge to stick your tongue out, not about to admit that, yes, you’re nearly an adult but still terrified of rain and thunder.
“no, of-of course not,” you grumble, snatching your hand away from his. “it just surprised me.”
yeonjun looks over at you and sees the nervousness all your face, not commenting as he silently snatches your hand back. he intertwines your fingers as he raises your hand to his mouth, pressing his lips against it while he drives through the rain.
it’s getting considerably heavier by every second, his foot pressing off the gas every time he drives past a puddle.
“i used to be scared of the rain, you know.”
you look over at him and see him looking peacefully at the road, pink strands of hair hanging in his face.
“oh, yeah? when you were like five?”
“twelve,” he corrects with a smile, doing his best to distract you from the chaos outside. “i used to wake up crying, sometimes. i know that’s hard to believe now. because i’m so cool and what not.”
“oh please,” you giggle out, the sweet sound filling the car also distracting him from the pounding of rain and crackling of thunder; he’s outgrown his fear of storms but even he can admit this one is a little bit scary right now.
“what, you don’t think? i’ll have you know-”
the skidding of his tires mixed with your frightened screams is the next thing he hears, a strangled “yeonjun!” in the background as he attempts to take control of his car.
there’s the boom of thunder and lightning and loud blares of horns before everything goes still, his body acting on auto pilot as he safely pulls off on the side of the highway.
his first concern isn’t damage to his car or the heightening storm outside - it’s you in his passenger seat, eyes closed tight and tears on your face.
“are you okay?” yeonjun’s voice frantically asks, barely able to feel the sensation of his his warm hands on your face. your heart’s pounding and your hands are shaking and for a moment, you thought you were about to die.
your eyes pop open to meet his and the concern in them only makes your eyes water more, bottom lip trembling as you nod your head.
but even though you’re nodding he sees you’re not. he sees you trying to catch your breath and your eyes looking back and forth nervously outside.
“hey, hey, angel. it’s okay. i’m here,” he hums lowly, his thumbs running over your face soothingly. “i’m here and you’re okay.”
you attempt to catch and slow your breaths as your eyes never leave his, his only leaving you to quickly assess you for injuries.
“i know that was scary. i’m sorry. i should’ve been more careful.”
“it wasn’t your fault,” you squeak out, swallowing the knot in your throat as you shake your head. your eyes roam his and you pout when there’s guilt and sorrow in his eyes, your own hand snaking down to hold his hand.
“are you okay?”
his eyes soften as he cups your face and brings you to closer to him, a quiet “yes, baby,” leaving his mouth before he places his lips on your forehead.
you breathe in his scent and he breathes in yours, not allowing himself to pull away until he feels you relax under him.
“i’m gonna drive us to my house, okay?” he says, his eyes back on you looking cautious. “we can order food. i just don’t want us driving in this if it’s gonna get worse.”
you nod your head before reaching down to grasp one of his hands tightly, his small smile meeting you before he carefully pulls back onto the highway.
the storm gets substantially worse as he makes his way to his house, hand grasping yours tightly as he drives slow and steady.
he’s flooded with relief when he finally pulls in his driveway, running around the passenger side door to help you out. his hand doesn’t leave the small of your back until you’re in his room, a big space with white walls and black furniture that doesn’t surprise you in the slightest.
contrary to most teenage boy’s rooms, his smells really good. like a mix of his cologne, laundry detergent and a distinct smell you’ve just deemed as his natural scent.
it’s comforting and makes you feel at ease, licking over your lips nervously as you realize this is the first time you’ve been in a boy’s room.
“you want anything to drink?”
“i...i’m good,” you say, sitting on his bed as you look around.
there’s no decor on the walls except for a large flat screen tv across from his bed and above his dresser, a pile of clothes off to the side.
“sorry, i didn’t expect to have anyone over so it’s a little messy.”
you look over at him sitting beside you, a sheepish smile on his face. you think it’s the first time he’s ever sounded somewhat... nervous and out of his comfort zone.
maybe because he knows you’ve never been in this situation before.
“it’s okay, i like your room,” you smile, spreading your fingers out across his soft, dark comforter. “it’s very fitting.”
“oh yeah?” he smirks, inching closer to you and making your heart speed up. “and why’s that?”
there’s that dark playfulness you’re so used to seeing swarming behind his eyes, just as teasing as it is intense that makes you hold back a squeak. he quirks his eyebrow as he moves closer, pink tongue peeking out to roll over his lips.
you can’t help when your eyes fall to them, missing the feel of them on yours.
you two haven’t gone past making out, a clash of tongues and teeth that have you quietly moaning into his mouth. but when your body acts on its own accord, pushing yourself closer to him or grasping at the bottom of his shirt, he always stops you.
“what are you doin’ baby?”
you were in his car after a tutoring session, the parking lot of the school completely deserted. your cheeks flush and you immediately draw your hands back, lowering your head slightly as embarrassment took over.
“i...i thought that was...don’t you wanna...”
because clothes come off, that’s how it starts - you know that much.
and you can feel how much he wants to go further, the hardness under you that scared you at first now the thing begging you to go further.
you feel wanted and desired and even though you’re scared, you want to go further.
“we don’t have to do anything, baby. this is fine,” he says softly, his hand reaching up to cup your cheek.
“but i want to,” you mumble, not even sure if he can hear your words because of how quiet you are.
you know he must though because he draws his fingers under your chin to lift your face, eyes heavy of fondness and arousal making your stomach flutter more.
your first instinct is to assume he doesn’t want you - why else would he stop you? but you can see in his eyes that he does...right? because it really does look like that.
what other reason would he have to stop you though? maybe he just doesn’t-
“whatever you’re thinking is probably wrong,” yeonjun mutters, tightening his hold on you and bringing you closer to him. “i don’t wanna go further with you while we’re in the car, angel. you deserve more than that.”
“hm?” you hear him hum, ripping you from your memories.
you look from his lips to his eyes watching you with lust, the beginnings of your nonsense words cut off when he kisses you.
your heart flutters and stomach swoops immediately, kissing back with an embarrassing amount of fervor. he smirks against your lips as he pulls you on his lap, your arms circling around his shoulders.
his tongue traces your bottom lip before you feel it in your mouth, daringly meeting his back in a way you’d never done before. it causes him to bring his hands to your hips, squeezing and massaging them with his large hands.
“look at you,” he mutters almost condescendingly, falling back onto his bed and causing you to squeal. you’re holding yourself above him and his eyebrow is quirked, red lips puffy and pink hair messy causing your heart to flutter mercilessly.
“if i didn’t know any better, baby, i’d think you’re real eager tonight.”
you bite down on your lip as you adjust yourself on him, your hips straddling his and brushing over him. your building heat is right under him and it takes everything in you not to moan at just the thought, his hands strong and firm.
and just as you’re about to answer, tell him that, yes, even though you’re not familiar with.... any of this, you’re eager and ready, your stomach growls and ruins the moment.
it causes a smile to light up his face, a deep chuckle leaving him before he flips you over. he’s hovering above you now, no parts of your bodies touching except for his hand a few inches away from your head.
“or you’re hunger, my mistake, angel,” he says with a smirk, pressing a peck to your nose sweetly. “what do you want?”
you spend the next hour laying in his bed waiting for the pizza, the storm just as wild outside as it was when you were in the car. you bit down on a squeal threatening to leave your mouth every time there was a terrifying boom, your body shimming closer to yeonjun’s.
he smiled against your head and welcomed your body closer, bringing your head to his chest.
“you’re cute,” you hear him mumble, the swooping in your stomach causing you to feel warm.
you look up at him and smile shyly, tucking your head closer into his chest. you have to hide your growing smile when you feel his lips brush your head, deep content hums leaving his chest.
the doorbell ringing rips you two apart, his mumbled “i’ll be right back,’ causing you to sit up. you brush your fingers through your hair as you sit up, looking around his dark room and feeling something brewing in your stomach.
you feel every bit as nervous as you do excited and eager in his room with him right now.
it’s still scary because you’re new to this. because you’ve never done anything like this before and you know you don’t know what you’re doing.
but a part of you wants to kiss him on his bed. go further than he’s allowed you to because if he only didn’t want to be with you in the car, this should solve that problem, right?
you’ve never felt as desired and warm as you have with him these past months. no one’s ever looked at you the way he does or have made you feel the way he does.
you’re usually too scared or uneasy to talk to people or form a connection; but from the moment you met him, you were able to do that. a part of you just felt inclined to help him, be a person that he knows would be there for him even if it meant in the form of helping him study or motivate him.
you never would’ve expected for him to reciprocate your feelings. nor would you have expected to be in this current situation, want and need bubbling in your stomach at the thought of yeonjun doing-
“pizza’s here,” yeonjun says, popping his head through the door holding a box of pizza.
you smile upon seeing it, your stomach growling at the smell; if he hears it, he doesn’t say anything. just walks over and places the box on his bed, offering you a slice that you take immediately.
“thank you,” you squeak, bringing the food to your mouth.
he watches you for a few seconds, suddenly all too aware of him looking at you. you raise an eyebrow as you chew, a shy look coming over your face that causes him to smile.
“what?”
“nothing,” he says, shaking his head as he takes out his own slice. “my mom called me and said they can’t come home tonight because of the storm.”
you take the time to chew your food as you take in his words, the fluttering in your stomach a mix of nerves and excitement.
“oh.”
“yeah...” he hums, his eyes roaming your face; he doesn’t want his next suggestion to make you uncomfortable but he also thinks it would be best. for both of you.
“and i don’t know if i should drive you home, angel. it’s supposed to get really bad. do you... wanna stay over?”
there’s a lump in your throat for all the reasons there shouldn’t be.
not because this is your first time sleeping over a boy’s house or the fact that his parents aren’t home. or because you’re gonna have to call your mom and say you’re sleeping over a friend’s house.
or even because you don’t know what to expect tonight.
it’s only there because you know, in a new form of acting on your deeper desires and not suppressing yourself to just being some innocent girl, you wanna get railed.
“i... i guess i can do that,” you say, some nervousness still behind your voice because when it comes down to it, you’re unfamiliar with this situation.
“well yeah, but do you want to, baby?” he asks with a small smirk, his hand reaching up to toy with your hair.
his long fingers run through the strands before tucking them behind your ear, his hand slinking down to rest on your neck.
“if you don’t feel comfortable, i’ll take you home later,” he says, thumb running across your skin slowly. breath catches in your throat when he leans closer to you, his lingering scent and broadness causing you to bite down on your lip.
“i just thought it’d be nice to lay with you tonight. or wake up with you.”
“or let us go further since we’re not in the car.”
you don’t know who’s more shocked by your words but you know you’re definitely more embarrassed, a rampant blush crossing your cheeks as you attempt to hide in his shoulder.
he’s quick to pull you away with a small “tsk,” the smirk on his lips quickly widening despite the soft look in his eyes.
you bite back the noise threatening to leave your mouth when he wraps his hand around you hair, the slightest of stings ripping through your scalp when he pulls you forward.
“go further?” he asks lowly, his eyes peering down at you only making you feel more warm and flustered.
words are caught in your mouth and you can’t find it in you to say anything. not only because you’re too embarrassed but you don’t even know what to say.
you know you want more than kissing and that there’s always a building pressure between your legs when he pulls you on his lap.
you know on more than one occasion, you’ve wanted his hands that’d rest on your hips to go just a little further down. slip in the waistband of your pants and meet the wetness and heat through your underwear.
you’ve wanted to see his pink hair between your legs as you experience getting eaten out of the first time, holding back moans in the crease of your elbow as his tongue explores every inch of you.
you know you want to look up at him with tears in your eyes and a heaving chest, ask if you can please suck him off because you’ve also never done that before.
he can see the arousal and lust clouding your eyes the more the silence elapses, his cock quickly hardening as he takes in the sight of you on his bed ready for him to take you.
it’s just a matter of how and when he’s gonna. how and when you tell him like the good girl he knows you are.
“how much further are you thinking, angel?” his deep voice finally asks, successfully breaking the silence and building the thick tension.
you let out a breathy exhale when he pushes you on your back, the knot in your stomach tightening as he looks down at your body.
“what do you want me to do, huh?” he asks, the smirk and feeling in his chest growing when he sees you start to breathe heavily on his bed. your legs are nearly shaking from the build up in pressure, your tongue licking over your dry lips.
“i... yeonjun...”
he bites back the groan threatening to leave his mouth at you moaning his name, holding himself above your body as he hand spays out against your stomach.
“why are you moaning my name baby? i haven’t even done anything.”
“but... but i want you to. so bad.”
your voice is whiny and pathetic but it’s all it takes for him to snap, his hand moving from your stomach to between your legs.
he can feel the heat and pulse of your pussy and has to suppress his own groan again, completely getting off on the feeling that you, the innocent little tutor he’s been wanting to ruin since he saw you last year, is laid out on his bed and dripping just for him.
“please, yeonjun,” you whine again, completely out of your mind with lust when you feel his hand on you.
he bites down on his lip before he starts gently running his hand over you, barely putting any pressure on you. he’s just relishing in the how only that makes you spread your legs immediately, hips bucking up closer to his hand.
he pulls his hand away and pins your hips to the bed, his face hovering above yours before you can even whine again.
“be patient, angel. or this isn’t gonna work,” he growls lowly, his thumbs running over your pants gently.
“i- i’m sorry,” you gasp out, tears pricking your eyes because this feeling is so new and foreign and overwhelming. “i just... i’m so...”
“you’re so what?”
“i want you,” you say immediately, thinking back to your conversation with him outside of soobin’s house. when the words you’re telling him now are the same ones he told you. “i want you more than you know.”
a scoff leaves his mouth when you say that, remembering those words leaving his own mouth that night.
but the difference here is, he thinks, is that you really didn’t know that.
you didn’t know how just sitting there and smiling at him and talking to him so sweetly was making him want you. your soft smiles and vanilla scent and the wide-eyed look you’d always innocently give him.
but he’s aware of how much you want him, in this moment. he can feel it, smell it, see it. he knows just how much you want him because he wants you the same way.
your pants and underwear are off in one shot, a gasp leaving your mouth when you realize you’re completely bare in front of him.
he’s quick to look at your face to see if you’re okay, that teary wide-eyed look and teeth sinking in your lip greeting him; another whiney and mumbled “touch me,” leaves your mouth before he can ask.
a smile lights up his face that makes your heart jump even through this all, a teasing look in his eye even through the arousal and painful hardness in his pants.
“say please, angel.”
“please touch me, yeonjun. please.”
his fingers are on your clit right after the words leave you, your mouth hanging open and legs spreading when you’re immediately filed with a sense of some relief.
“you’re so wet for me, angel. how long have you wanted this, huh?”
you babble out something you can’t even hear through your pounding ears but it must be something good and polite enough because you feel a finger enter you a few seconds later.
he hisses at the tightness around his finger and has to remember to be gentle with you, fingering you slowly and sweetly as he toys at your clit.
“you’re doing so good, baby. so good for me.”
you cry out a moan that has his fingers moving quicker, curling them just right before you scream out his name; you’ve never ever felt anything like this before.
“yeonjun, oh, my god.”
“i know, baby, it’s okay,” he says, allowing his fingers to work over you and in you for a few seconds before he forces himself to remove them. your head shoots up and the sight almost makes him smile, a frustrated look in your teary eyes that has him cocking his head.
“why did you-”
the fingers just inside you are below your chin, the slickness of his fingers on your skin making you widen your eyes. is that... is he about to make you...
you hold back another moan when you watch him raise his fingers to his own mouth, his eyes rolling back when he tastes you. you don’t know if you’re a little grossed out or even more turned on but you think it must be the latter if the way your legs start to shake again and your lower stomach tightens.
“you taste so fucking sweet, angel. can i eat your pussy?”
he could tell how scared you were when you first got here, not seeing a hint of that fear now but still needing to check before he pulls you on his face and has his way with you.
“y-yes, please, yeonjun, oh my-”
you can’t even get the words out before his hands are taking off your shirt, removing the straps of your bra and pushing them down until your boobs pop out.
perky nipples spring into the air and he can’t stop the groan that leaves him, circling his tongue around each of them before he tells you to unhook it. your eyes meet his for just a few seconds before you reach out to take it off, quickly throwing it on the floor before you, without thinking, cover yourself.
his eyes flash and he immediately snaps out of his trance, placing his hands on your arms but not attempting to move them.
“what are you doing, angel?”
and it’s at this moment, something as silly as him seeing your chest completely naked, that you’re feeling insecure.
you know he’s been with girls before this, college girls who definitely have bigger boobs than you and know what they’re doing. girls who are prettier and sexier and don’t blush or whine at the slightest hint of his touch of them.
“i... i know you’ve been with prettier girls before. an-and i don’t think they’re that nice.”
“angel, i don’t know if i’ve gotten this across enough but you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever met,” he says, the sweetest words to ever leave his mouth not even making him blink.
because he needs you to know in this moment that you are. he can’t stand the insecure, fearful look in your eye that he’s not gonna find you desirable because you’re comparing yourself to other people.
“that’s a lie,” you weakly mumble out, tears stinging your eyes because this is so stupid. now you’re ruining the moment and he’s not gonna wanna do this with you. you’re proving just how inexperienced and unfamiliar you are with-
“i don’t lie.”
your eyebrow raises and he can’t help but smirk, the realization that your whole relationship started off lying to your teacher making him let out a deep chuckle.
“i mean i don’t lie to you, angel, i would never lie to you,” he says, reaching down to press a long kiss on your lips. it’s the most intimate kiss you’ve ever had with him, mouths parting on one another like you’re trying to get all your worries and reassurances out on one another.
him that you’re just as desirable as he knows you are and you that you really don’t know what you’re doing but you wanna do this with him.
“you’re beautiful, baby, and if anyone’s not worthy of the other, it’s me.”
his words make your eyebrows pull together, the look in his eye one you’ve never seen before. probably the most vulnerable and honest you’ve seen him look at you.
“but i’m gonna do my best to be, angel, so please... don’t think that,” he says, pulling your arms away from your chest.
he feels relief flood through him when you allow him to do say, his head dipping again to place small pecks on your chest before taking another nipple in his mouth.
he moans around you at the same time you do, throwing your head back against his pillow. your fingers lace through the back of his pink hair and you feel your pussy clenching around nothing, moaning out his name when his tongue carefully and slowly licks around the other neglected one.
“you also have the sweetest pussy i’ve ever tasted,” he mumbles around your nipple, swirling his tongue around it one more time before grabbing your hips and throwing himself on his back.
“so sit on my face, angel. now.”
you have no time to feel hesitant or insecure because, one, he pulls you up before you can do anything else and two, you’re far too eager to feel this for the first time.
his tongue latching onto your clit causes you to moan out his name, trying your best to not buck your hips against his face. but his tongue feels like it’s everywhere, flicking at it your clit and up inside you and quickly making your legs shake around him.
your hazy eyes look down and you see his own looking up at you, a hot arousal in them as you cover the rest of his face with your body. pink strands stick to his forehead and you bite down on your lip so you don’t scream, your eyes rolling back when he eats you out like a man starved.
he’s moaning against you and pulling you closer to his face, your hips bucking into his mouth as you whine out his name over and over.
you’re so out of it and dazed with arousal and need that you don’t even think twice when an idea pops into your head.
you buck your hips a tad harder than usual that he disconnects his mouth from you, about to ask if he hurt you somehow before you flip over on his face. your body leans over his stomach until your mouth is by the tight groin of his sweatpants, clumsily slipping down his boxers until his cock springs free.
it’s hard and red and looks completely neglected, screaming to be relieved by you.
so even though you have no idea what you’re doing, only guided by works of fiction and things you hear in the hallway, you wrap your mouth around the head of his cock.
you hear him growl at your name but only continue to suck him off, your tongue circling around him as your mouth moves up and down. you smile when he moans against your pussy just so moan around his a few seconds later, like he knew you were smiling against him at hearing that noise leave him.
he didn’t think he could get any harder than he already was but you continue to impress him and prove him wrong, his mouth working quicker on you to aid in his growing arousal.
a loud moan of your name leaves his mouth when you deep throat him, a growled “fuck,” against your wetness that makes you whine against him.
“i wanna fuck your mouth so badly,” he growls against you, wrapping his tongue around your clit just as you let out a strangled “please.” but he only shakes his head and continues his vigorous assault, sticking two fingers inside you that causes your scream to be muffled around his cock.
“you’re gonna come first, angel. i want you to come on my fucking face.”
and even though he already seemed to know it from the moment he met you, he sees that what he wants from you, he’s always gonna get.
your lower stomach tightens before a feeling of euphoria consumes you, your legs shaking and hips bucking before an orgasm rips right through you. your head is leant against his head as you try to catch your breath, whining slightly when he pulls you off of him.
he lays you down gently on the bed before placing a kiss to your cheek.
“you did so good, angel. how do you feel?”
“mmm.. that was the best thing i’ve ever felt.”
a deep laugh leaves him at your sleepy, dazed look, taking his shirt off so he can dab at your wet legs. you wince a little at the sensitivity and he mumbles an apology, laying on his back and opening his arms to you.
“lay with me, baby.”
a small smile crosses your face as you fall into his bare chest, sighing contently with your head resting over his chest. you can hear his heartbeat against your ear and feel his lips against your head, his fingers running over your arm slowly.
you’ve never been more comfortable and at ease than you are in this moment. even with the storm raging outside and the unknown parts of your relationship still coming, you feel happy.
happy and safe and so stupidly content.
“angel?”
you look up at him when you hear his voice break the silence, your chin against his chest as you meet his gaze.
he smiles upon seeing you, his hand coming up to pat down your messy hair.
“i like you. a lot.”
you bite down on your lip to hide your growing smile, daringly taking the first move to press a sweet peck on his lips.
“i like you, too. a lot, a lot,” you giggle out, the pink on your cheeks making his heart squeeze in his chest. “but i think you already knew that.”
“i was hoping,” he hums lowly, bringing you back into his chest. you smile against him as you inhale his scent, moving your body closer to him until you feel your leg hit a hard, fleshy piece of skin.
your eyes widen and pulse quickens when you see he’s still hard and aching, the content look on his face completely disregarding it.
“yeonjun...” you mumble, shamelessly staring at his dick a few inches from your leg.
he peeks an eye open and sees you staring down at it, a sheepish smile crossing his face; he looks a tad embarrassed and you shouldn’t find it as endearing as you do.
“sorry. it’ll go down eventually.”
eventually being when he gets up to go to the bathroom and jerks himself off. because there’s no way in hell he’s gonna go flaccid with you all naked and cuddled against him.
“you mean you’re not gonna fuck me?”
his eyes widen and cock twitches when those words leave your mouth, his hand falling to your jaw so you can look at him. his eyes roam your face when he sees the heavy desire building in your wide-eyed gaze, the perfect contrast of sweet and lustful that has him holding back a groan.
“where did you learn to talk like this?” he hums lowly in your ear.
you smirk against him before you bring your hand up to his mouth, his eyes searching yours. but you’re only staring back just as intensely, rubbing yourself against his leaking cock laying between you.
“spit on it, please.”
he can’t even stop his groan from leaving him this time, painfully hard and ready to bust. you learned so fast what he likes and that’s when you’re both polite and eager.
“baby girl,” he moans, bringing his face down to place a messy, dominating kiss on yours. he pulls your mouths apart after allowing his tongue to explore your mouth, a string of spit connecting your lips.
his eyes fall to your mouth before he’s tipping your head back, your hand clutching onto his shoulder and tightening when, suddenly, he spits in your mouth.
your eyes widen but he smirks before you can say anything, wordlessly bringing your hand to his mouth and spitting on it as you so requested. you let out a shaky sigh, eyeing him warily before he gives you a nod.
it’s only then that you wrap your hand around his cock, watching as his eyes flutter shut and he leans his head back.
“there u go, angel,” he hums lowly, your hand twisting over the tip before exploring down.
he can feel your hesitance and unsureness but it only makes it that much more enjoyable for him, knowing this is the first time you’ve done this - although he does wonder how you knew to spit on it first.
his words spur you on and you wet your hand again, twisting and turning on every ridge of his cock. his moans of your name cause wetness to gather between your legs, your eyes meeting his to see them right on you.
“please fuck me, yeonjun.”
you didn’t have to ask him twice before he pushed you on your back. he fumbled to take his sweatpants off fully, discarding them on the floor before pulling you toward the end of bed.
you look down at him with furrowed eyebrows before a loud gasp leaves you, his mouth back on your pussy before he slides two fingers in. he preps you again until you’re coming around him, his mouth hot around you while his fingers are curled and relentless.
“p-please, yeonjun. i wanna- feel you.”
“and you will, angel, i promise,” he says, pressing one last kiss to your swollen, wet clit before going up to your face. “you’ve never done this before, right?”
he knows it and you know it but he still needs to ask. needs to know he’s gonna be the first person to take you and ruin you.
“no,” you immediately respond, shaking your head as tears well up in your eyes.
he responds by smiling, placing one last long kiss on your mouth before cupping your face gently.
“it might hurt, okay? i’ll go as slow as you need.”
you nod your head as you relax on your back, looking down to see him positioning himself between your legs. he swirls the tip of his dick around your wet clit and opening, watching as your dripping hole tries to suck him in.
“holy fuck,” he growls out, “you’re so wet, baby. it’s gonna feel so fucking good.”
you whine unintelligible words but he knows to just soothe you. bring his hand to your waist and rub slowly as he promises to be in you soon.
the stretch at first in painful and unfamiliar, your face pulled into a grimace despite the deep groan leaving him.
“oh, angel,” he growls lowly, his dark eyes meeting yours to see your face twisted in pain. “are you okay? does it hurt?”
“y-yes, but it’s okay. just... slow,” you say quietly, nodding your head reassuringly.
he hovers over your face as he inches himself in further and further, your breaths shaky and body tense as the pain worsens.
“i’m sorry, baby, you’re doing so good.”
you nod your head and he kisses away the tears, a sigh of relief leaving you when he stops moving. he’s still inside you for a few seconds, allowing your tight walls to adjust around him before he starts moving.
it takes a few thrusts for the burning pain to subside, replaced by a full, warm feeling that had you moaning quietly into the air.
“does it feel good now, baby?” you hear yeonjun ask, his thrusts speeding up as his body lays over you. “do you like my cock in you?”
“y-yes,” you mumble out, throwing your legs around his waist.
he growls lowly as he starts fucking into you, keeping his pace steady and just hard enough to make you lose your mind; because he doesn’t wanna hurt you but you also feel so good, he can’t help but chase after his orgasm.
“tell me you’re mine.”
“i-i’m yours, yeonjun,” you whimper out, his hand coming down to your clit making you cry out again. “i’m yours. yours, yours, yours,” you repeat dumbly, having no sense of control over yourself as an immense pleasure builds inside you.
he thrusts into you hitting a certain spot that has a scream leaving your mouth, a sadistic smirk on his face.
“that’s right, angel. you’re mine. you’ve been mine ever since i saw you last year,” he growls lowly, remembering the first time he saw you and knew you were gonna somehow effect him like this.
“i wanted to ruin you then, baby, because i knew you’d be mine.”
“yeonjun,” you whine, thrusting your hips into him at his words. remembering all the times he caught you staring at him. all the times you’d watch him and thought about how handsome he was.
how someone like him would never want someone like you.
but he wants you and you want him and it’s still something you can’t quite believe. you know you’re both different but it seems to be something that works, him bringing you out of your comfort zone and you making him wanna be someone better.
“i’m gonna come, angel,” he grunts out, “i’m gonna fucking come. come with me.”
you feel the knot in your stomach unravel before you’re both moaning each other’s names, chests heaving and his breathing harsh as he holds himself lazily above you.
he drops his head into the crook of your neck, attempting to catch his breath despite the feeling of your post orgasm spazzing around him.
the pounding takes a few seconds to subside, a final moan leaving him before he pulls out of you.
he’s quick to collapse onto his back, hanging his arm off the bed lazily as he searches for his shirt.
he cleans you up a few moments later, watching you with a small smile before he pulls you down onto him again.
“how was that?” he mumbles quietly, his eyes closed and head resting atop yours.
“really good,” you mumble back, your own eyes closed as you attempt to catch your breath. you still feel a little sticky but it’s not something you mind in this moment, your post orgasm daze leaving you content.
it could be the post orgasm daze making you say the next words that leave your mouth. on such a high of emotions and endorphins and utter contentment that the warm feeling in your chest if confused.
or maybe it’s the months of getting to know the boy beside you who had such a bad reputation. who you were terrified of at first and thought was mean an scary, thought for sure he was gonna find you weird and nerdy.
but you’ve never felt more wanted or desired by another person. no one’s ever looked at you the way he’s looked at you before or made you feel the way he’s made you feel.
“i... i think i love you, yeonjun.”
love had always scared yeonjun and especially hearing a confession like that after sex - it had always been his worst nightmare and, truthfully, an embarrassing moment.
but he’s never felt as listened to and comforted by someone else ever in his life before. someone who, from the second he met them, trusted him and thought of him to be good and smart and capable.
he didn’t know why and he didn’t know what he did for you to think of him that way but he knows he’s never gonna take it for granted. because from the second he saw you, he really did know you were gonna be his.
“i think i might love you, too, angel.”
#hello my first txt fic#pls look forward to it#also use protection <3 jdfkvks#yeonjun#yeonjun fluff#yeonjun angst#yeonjun smut#txt fluff#txt angst#txt smut#yeonjun scenarios#yeonjun imagines#txt scenarios#txt imagines
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Last Resort
anon asked: Hey! I love your work! Do you think you could do a sister!reader fic where Dean, Sam and Cas are away on a long hunt, and the reader (younger, maybe between 11-14) has a panic attack? Since her brothers nor Cas can help, Crowley shows up... Thank you!
Word Count: 1,762
A/N: I know panic attacks can be different for a lot of people, so I kind of just made the panic attack in this story how mine usually are. I also set this before the boys found the bunker since Crowley is still around.
*Also not my gif*
“Hey, wake up.... Y/N c’mon wake up.” Sam said as he shook your sleeping form.
You rolled over to your side and blinked your eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light shining in from the hallway.
“M’what?” You mumbled.
“Y/N, Cas called us. Dean and I have to leave to go help him, it’s important.”
“What’s going on?” You wondered, looking over at the clock on the nightstand to see that it was 2:30 in the morning.
“We’ll call you and explain everything later, but we have to leave. We might be gone for a few days but I wanted to let you know.” Sam said frantically.
“Okay, call me in the morning.” You said, still half asleep and not really understanding what was going on.
Sam nodded and shut the lights off as he and Dean gathered their things before leaving the motel room. You rolled to your other side and fell back asleep within minutes.
....................
You woke up the next morning and sat up in bed, looking around, you were confused as to why Sam and Dean weren't there. It took you a minute but you remembered Sam waking you up. Just as you were thinking about where the hell they went, your phone rang.
“Sam?”
“Hey, how’re you doing?”
“Uh, where are you guys and when are you coming back?”
“Sorry for leaving in such a rush. Cas called us about some other angels that are going around taking people out. Normally he’d be able to handle this himself but they're moving pretty fast.” Sam explained.
“When will you be back?”
“Not sure, but this one might take a few days. Maybe a week at worst, but we’ll keep you updated.”
“What about food?” You asked, glancing at the small motel kitchen.
“Dean went on a supply run after you fell asleep last night, the fridge should be stocked. We wouldn’t leave you alone if we thought you couldn't handle it.” Sam said.
“Okay, well, hurry back.”
“We will. Gotta go, we’ll talk to you later.”
“Stay safe, Y/N/N.” You heard Dean say in the background.
....................
It had been 4 days since the boys left and you were bored out of your mind. You had opened snack after snack, watched way too much tv, and even snuck two of Dean’s beers. You knew he would notice and be pissed off but you didn't even care at the time.
Just when you thought you would be fine by yourself, you weren't.
The paranoia started to set in, which happened often when the boys would leave on longer hunts and not take you with them. Sometimes, you were able to brush it off and be patient until they got back. Other times like this, it was like a nagging feeling of terrible thoughts that would set off a panic attack.
There was a string of bad thoughts that kept rushing through your head. Wondering if Sam and Dean would be okay, if they were going to make it back safely, or if they were already dead and you just didn’t know it yet.
These thoughts sent you pacing back and forth around the motel room. You chewed your lip as you imagined Sam and Dean walking through the door with their bags, trying your best to calm yourself down.
You sat down on the edge of the bed as you felt your breathing picking up, feeling so panicked and uncomfortable, being alone for longer than you were okay with. You wanted to call Sam and Dean to check in but you didn’t want to be a bother. Your brothers knew that you had occasional panic attacks, but they didn’t know the extent of them. It was also a little embarrassing, so you decided to keep it on the low.
That’s when your phone rang, seeing it was Sam, you answered almost right away.
“Sammy?” You breathed out.
“Hey kiddo. What’s up?” Dean answered instead.
“Uh, hey.... nothing much.... Is Sam there?”
“Yeah, he just fell asleep in the passenger seat. Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, just um.... when will you be back?”
“We just finished up actually. We were able to track down the last string of dickhead angels so were on our way back right now.”
“How long?” You asked a little too eagerly.
“Should be there in about 4 hours, could be less.... You know how I drive.” Dean let out a chuckle.
“Ok great, hurry back.” Was all you could think of saying before hanging up the phone.
....................
Sam stirred in his seat, waking up and turning to Dean to see his phone in his hand. “What are you doing with my phone?”
“Y/N called, she was just asking where we were.”
“Oh. How is she?”
“Good... sounded a little weird though.”
“What do you mean weird?”
“I dunno. She’s probably just getting impatient.”
Sam took a moment to think about how Dean worded that, realizing you might've been having an episode.
“No more stops tonight, let’s get back as soon as possible.”
“Why?”
“She might be panicking a little bit, we’ve been gone for almost a week.”
“She’ll be fine, she just needs to get used to being on her own.” Dean started being insensitive.
“Dean, I don’t think you know how panic attacks work.”
“She doesn't still have those, does she?”
“Yes, as far as I know she does, and depending on the person, they can get pretty bad.”
Dean didn't say anything after that and continued to drive faster.
....................
You sat on the floor up against the motel bed and talked to yourself in your head, praying to Cas since your brothers were still a long ways away. You repeated the same message over and over, expecting to see Cas pop up in front of you, but it never happened.
You started to panic even more that you started to repeat your cry for help out loud, not to anyone directly, but in hopes of feeling like someone was listening.
You weren’t expecting it but someone was listening.
And that someone was Crowley.
Crowley appeared after minutes of you talking, it scared the shit out of you, making you spring up from where you were sitting.
“What the hell are you doing here?” You questioned.
“Well, someone is a little uneasy from what I heard.” He glanced back at you.
“Why are you even listening to me?”
“You clearly wanted someone to, and I was in the area.” Crowley said jokingly.
“Sam and Dean aren’t gonna like it when they see that you’re here.” You said as you backed up out of habit.
“Sam and Dean aren’t going to be here for a while now are they love? I might as well give you some sort of company.” He smirked, as he pulled out one of the kitchen chairs to sit down.
“Why are you acting nice?”
“Who said I was acting? The king of hell can’t do little Winchester a favor?”
“Why would you want to though, it’s pretty unlike you.”
“Let’s say I owe you and your brothers one, I can’t always be ruining things can I? That would just be bad for my reputation.” Crowley sassed.
You scoffed at his sarcastic remarks, then realizing that he did a good job of distracting you from how you were feeling.
“Thanks” you gave a small smile, accepting the nice gesture Crowley gave.
“No need... Well, I guess my work here is done.” Crowley sighed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend.”
Before you could turn around to hear what Crowley was talking about, he was gone. Moments later, you heard a familiar car engine pull up in front of the motel room.
Perfect timing.
You drew the curtains to reveal your brothers emerging from the car, with Cas already walking up to the door.
You let out a sigh of relief as you welcomed all three of them inside.
“Hello Y/N.....” Cas paused and looked around with suspicion growing on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I had a sense that one from the opposite side was lingering in this vicinity.”
“Okay, I literally understood none of that.”
“There was a demon here at some point. I’m sure of it.”
“Y/N, what’s he rambling about?” Dean asked as he hauled in the last of the things from the impala.
“Uh, I don’t know.” You lied.
Sam could see right through you face and knew something had happened. You didn’t look okay.
“Y/N, was there someone here? Did something try to hurt you?” Sam asked, grabbing Dean’s attention, stopping him from what he was doing.
“Well, Crowley...”
“Crowley!? Was he here?” Dean’s voice boomed.
“Dean, can you please not make a big deal...”
“Big deal!!?”
“Dean, dude seriously chill out. Just tell us what happened, Y/N.” Sam interrupted.
You told the three boys everything that happened. Sam immediately felt bad that he wasn’t there. Dean was worried that his little sister dealt with panic attacks this bad, but he still wasn’t happy that the king of hell just decided to pop in without warning.
“Y/N/N, why didn’t you tell me over the phone?” Sam asked.
“I didn’t want you to worry. Plus, you were too far anyways.”
“Well next time that happens, you call us, no matter where we are. I promise, you mean more to us than our work, we’d drop everything, even if we were miles away just to get to you.” Sam explained.
“Yeah, what he said.” Dean chimed in.
“Wow, I love how much you care.” You joked.
“You know I love you Y/N/N..... but I’m gonna have to lay down some rules with Crowley, and one of them is no dropping in when I’m not here. I don’t trust that shady punk.”
Sam rolled his eyes and shrugged his arms, motioning for a hug which you gladly accepted.
“Nothing but chick flick moments over here. Get a room.” Dean scoffed.
“Shut up!”
“So, where is Crowley now?” Cas asked innocently.
“Were you even listening the whole time?” Sam asked confused.
“No, there is many things being said over angel radio.”
“God dammit, Cas.” Dean said as he got up to grab a beer out of the fridge. “Who drank my beers?”
“Wasn’t me...” Sam shrugged.
You knew you were in big trouble, forgetting about the choices you made earlier. So you slipped out the front door to let Dean cool down, but he had other plans. Sam quietly ratted you out as he motioned to the door that had just shut.
“Y/N! Get back here!”
Requests are open again!
Tags:
@jackjackljaqui @hunting-the-grievers @susan-is-in-the-house@flirtyonsie @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @justsomedreaming
#spn#spnfandom#spn fanfic#spn blog#supernatural#supernatural series#Supernatural Fan Fiction#supernatural blog#supernatural fanfiction#winsister#sister winchester#sister!winchester#winsis#bobby singer#john winchester#winchesters#Sam Winchester#dean winchester#sam x reader#dean x reader#dean winchester imagine#sam winchester imagines#sam winchester imagine#supernatural one shot#supernatural one shots#spn one shot#spn one shots
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wait wait hold up i am actually seething about the reveal
ya boi's not a dabi stan. at all. the only reason i'm remotely interested in his character is if he's actually related to shouto and how that would affect hero society in general. i remember reading the training camp arc, seeing him being one of the villains there, him saying todoroki's full name, and thinking "SIBLINGS?????" because agshdfjlk their EYES are SO SIMILAR!! i really want to give credit to horikoshi being able to portray their similarities from artstyle alone because that's talent.
(it's more apparent in the anime since you see the eye color— but appearance-wise, shouto takes after rei and dabi takes after enji the most, so this definitely isn't the best photo to prove my point...)
anyways,,,, dabi's ideals of heroics fall in line with stain's ideals and so we all already theorized how if he was the long lost big brother touya, it would be because of the fact that his father really wasn't a hero. this makes sense. and so, we're all fucking right. props to us, really, and props to horikoshi for all the foreshadowing because i had fun :)) in terms of story and plot, i think this reveal is fantastic.
alright, on to why dabi is a dick
(i'm assuming this was his choice and no one pressured him after all)
the todoroki family is on the road to recovery!!
- shouto finally visits his mother back in season 2 and visits her every chance he gets. you see the effort he makes and it's nice to see him change from season 1 to 2 (early-roki!!)
(guys he even sends her letters- look at that sparkle by his face!! he's sweet :)) and rei's smile!!!!)
- enji (whether we wanted it or not, i don't mind much personally) is trying to atone for everything he's done to his family
- natsuo, who originally wasn't fond of shouto because he had their father's attention (although he does come to the horrible realization that shouto was one of the most unfortunate) and mother's attention (because she wanted to protect shouto), has a closer relationship with his little brother now (can you believe he didn't even know shouto's favorite food was cold soba until ch. 192?? i was sobbing). he really regrets the prejudice he had against shouto and he's trying to be an actual brother to him now.
- rei's almost recovered enough to be released from the hospital!!
- fuyumi and her idyllic "happy family"– wHICH, BY THE WAY, ALMOST CAME TO FRUITION. their mother coming home, shouto connecting with his siblings, and enji being not-the-way-he-was-before is the best outcome they could have hoped for. and it was happening.
and i realize that all of that setup is for this very moment
this? this. this. this is being broadcasted. to everyone. that means the citizens know that their new #1 hero is directly related to a member of a really bad villain organization (i almost called it a terrorist group oop-).
by ruining endeavor, the citizens faith in heroes will collapse. this also affects shouto's reputation as an upcoming hero, and i am so terrified of what this could mean for him. imagine your career ending before it even started, just when you found your passion for being a hero again. all that progress he's made for himself since starting UA could be seen as pointless to him and i would hate for him to retrogress like that because it's not his fault. i would absolutely hate it if the media starts bashing shouto for being related to a villain, when he was also a victim of abuse.
seeing this look on shouto's face is making me dehydrated istg i'm fucking SOBBING— he doesn't even look angry!! in the last few chapters he was angry and worried for his friends, teachers, father maybe, other heroes... but he just looks sad. and the fact that the panel chooses to show the left side of his face is.... there's so much to unpack.
but yeah, this is being broadcasted. does fuyumi know? the cameo she had showed her working so maybe not. natsuo's cameo showed that he was at a lecture, so he also probably didn't see.
but rei did. that's like- that's the person i would want to keep this from the most.
the effects of this entire reveal genuinely scare me. how will this affect rei's mental state? she'll realize that what enji did is actually so much worse. their first child being a villain?? i'm terrified for how she'll react, she's doing much better in recent chapters after all. her kids are visiting her, shouto sends her letters to keep in touch, and enji sends her flowers and respectfully keeps his distance. i really don't want this reveal to result in a relapse. and if she does relapse, then fuyumi's ideal of a happy family is once again out of arms reach. the future of their mother finally coming back home is so far away again and it's genuinely so heart-breaking.
:(
plus— how will fuyumi's little elementary school students react to her being related to a villain? will the school fire her because of her connection to a villain and how that might cause concerns for students and parents????
it's also hard to say exactly how this will affect shouto and natsuo. natsuo was the closest to touya when they were kids so what would his whole opinion be of what touya's become? will he have a moral crisis?
in terms of moral crisises, i guess i'm more concerned about shouto. the boy knows he wants to forgive his father, but this is just making it so much harder. and after this, will he still want to? and finding out that his own sibling is a villain... remember the stain arc? there were some parallels between midoriya's, iida's, and todoroki's positions in the last chapter and i'm worried about what that could foreshadow. from that arc alone, we know that shouto doesn't agree with stain's views at all [i forgot what he said but it was really compelling]. we know that dabi's a stain follower though, so will this disrupt shouto's sense of justice? i hope not.
but family has always been kind of a weak spot for shouto, hasn't it? i hope this doesn't affect his resolve to be a hero because i do think that there's a way to– somehow– not have a corrupt hero society and i want him to fight for that.
touya being a villain is perfectly valid though, i don't doubt that. it's just disheartening to address that while every other todoroki was working hard to become a normal family, here's their oldest brother, who's not really dead. what's going to become of that altar at their house now?
learning the extent to touya's hatred towards endeavor is truly terrifying. we know enji is or was a horrible person and his redemption arc is based on the very fact that he can't be forgiven, despite some of his family trying their best to do so or at least get over it. but the fact that touya has even thought about killing shouto? that's just. ouch. touya's definitely gone through too much abuse, and all of the todoroki family problems are because of enji's bad parenting. but this does not justify murder and especially that of his younger brother, who also got the brunt of the abuse.
needless to say, i am a fool. i don't know if anything i just said will ever be true, but the important thing to take from whatever the heck i just shat out is that all of this is/could be a result of this reveal. it's the fact that dabi seems to have no sympathy. it's the fact that he doesn't care if his blood related family crashes and burns. really, if this is solely about endeavor and what he did, there's no need to bring the rest of the family into this. rei was sent to a hospital for god's sake. shouto has a scar. it's excessive and unmoral and although questionable ethics and values are key traits of a villain, it doesn't justify how much he's hurting the todorokis.
(look at this shit eating grin he has. no remorse. he really doesn't give a shit about the others but I DO and I'M so SAD)
and assuming that the whole "endeavor's wife admitted into hospital" was swept under the rug in terms of media, will that suddenly come back to light? because it shouldn't. maybe it should be known that she's in the hospital because of marital abuse but either way rei should not be dragged back into this disaster, and neither should the rest of them. there's also a chance that the media will accuse rei of having abused her kids too, which is messed up for different reasons. they're trying so hard to have any semblance of a normal family, and if dabi's way of revealing this to the world ruins that in any way then i hATE THIS REVEAL ASDFGHJKL—
#tw: abuse#this is just a rant for myself i'm so sorry for those who have this on their dash#how the fuck do you add those ''under the cut'' things on mobile??#and this is a long ass post#i wrote too much#and i was redundant#and i wrote this at 4 in the morning#many many typos...#i needed to let this out though#bnha 290#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#notey
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Molly!Warden vs the Blackmarsh
But first, on the way to Vigil’s Keep...
Marren: What the fuck are you doing here? You got good people killed!
Velanna: I--
Molly: Oh for fuck’s sake, shut up. If you had the remotest idea of what she’s planning to do for just the chance to help her sister, you’d stop looking at her like that.
Marren: ...Okay, you hate all the shemlen but you’re travelling with at least one and you’ve got a dur’genlen speaking for you. Maybe you have changed since your exile.
Molly: I wouldn’t know. I just met her. She did try to kill me but she also had some damn good reasons and now I pretty much consider her part of the team so step off.
Marren: ......Either you’ve changed or you’ve managed to make some very strange friends.
Velanna: Perhaps we can call it both.
Later, back at the Keep
Velanna: So. I ... survived your Joining, and you have been ... surprisingly kind. I suppose you want to know why I got exiled.
Molly: I honestly don’t mind that much, but if it makes it easier for you, I’ll take a guess - humans were assholes, you wanted revenge, you rose up against the assholes, shit got ugly as it does, and now the rest of the clan is pissed.
Velanna: ...how did--
Molly: I am hugely good at subtext. Also I’ve met a few Dalish the last little while and yeah, humans can be assholes. ...Erm, no offense.
Nathaniel: None taken. I’ve met my father, after all.
Anders: Is that why the Templars don’t take anyone but humans? They need a certain asshole quota? Good to know!
Oghren; Sigrun: Meh.
Varel: I wish I could disagree, Commander.
Molly: But you’ve got me in charge. Maybe that’ll reduce the asshole potential?
Sigrun: You grew up in Dust Town.
Molly: And cleaned up the crime problem! Twice!
Oghren: By stabbing people.
Molly: By stabbing the right people! Anyway. I guess we should go look for that Kristoff guy. Nathaniel, you know the area.
Nathaniel: I have never been there. It’s reputed to be full of evil. It shall be an adventure! ...Also you might consider people who are good at travelling in darkness. It’s almost always dark there.
Molly: Fair enough. Sigrun, then, and Anders for magic.
Oghren: You never take me along! Is it because of the drunk?
Molly: No, it’s because I’m technically in charge of this nugshit and yet I’m at the vanguard of very small groups that end up facing bullshit like pits full of Broodmothers. If I die, you are the most senior Warden we have, and the only other person in this entire Keep who faced down the Archdemon. And that’s before you took the Joining!
Oghren: ...So ... I’m kind of like your second, is what you’re saying.
Molly: Basically, yes, so I need you alive.
Oghren: ...Fuck. I hate responsibility.
Molly: I know. Felsi said as much. Loudly. Repeatedly. Directly in your face.
Oghren: I am not drunk enough for that conversation.
Molly: Apparently ‘drunk enough for that conversation’ translates to ‘dead of alcohol poisoning’, but never mind. Blackmarsh ho!
And in the Blackmarsh...
Anders: Ew.
Molly; Sigrun: Eh. I’d live here.
Anders: It’s a dilapidated ruin!
Sigrun: You never saw Dust Town.
Werewolves: AWOOOOOOOOOO!
Molly: Oh for fuck’s sake, I thought I finished all of these!
Nathaniel: You thought you ... ended ... all werewolves.
Molly: Dalish vengeance curse, I’ll tell you on the way back so I don’t give Velanna ideas but can we kill these things? That one’s mauling Anders.
Nathaniel: Oh! Right!
A little further in...
Anders: Why are there rips in the Veil? This is never a good sign. Nathaniel, maybe you could go over the history of this place again?
Nathaniel: I was considered a little too young for detail--
Molly: *holding up a really scrotty book* Well, according to this, Orlesian baroness, blood magic, pulled herself and her entire village into the Fade wholesale.
Anders: Wait - bodies and all?!? That’s not supposed to be possible! No, wait; it’s supposed to be possible but really ill-advised. You know, ancient magisters, Golden City turned black, first darkspawn, yadda.
Molly: ...And here I was thinking that there being an Orlesian baroness in Ferelden was the weirdest part of that mess.
Nathaniel: So you heard nothing of the Orlesian occupation in the Blessed Age.
Sigrun: We’re gonna have to explain to him again how dusters don’t really get an education.
Molly: Eh, I picked up a little more education this last year or so but fact is most dwarves who aren’t dusters don’t give a shit about surface politics. Our own political squabbles are fucked up enough; we don’t need theirs too.
Sigrun: Did you really pick a king for Orzamarr, by the way?
Molly: Let’s call that one the lesser of two evils and making sure my sister’s okay. And yes, that does mean my nephew’s the heir to the throne of Orzamarr but I’m already a fucking Paragon so I don’t care so much.
Anders: How did we get to this from rips in the Veil?!?
Molly: Talent. Oh, hey, who senses darkspawn?
Nathaniel; Anders; Sigrun: *raise hands*
Molly: So who wants to go kill them?
Nathaniel; Anders; Sigrun: *raise weapons*
Molly: That’s the spirit!
And, eventually...
Anders: Did you have to do that ritual? I never want to see that many rage demons again!
Molly: We got shinies out of it and better us killing them than weirdly intelligent darkspawn using them for their own purposes. Now, we saw Kristoff’s camp but it’s been abandoned for days. He must be around here somewhere-- oh.
Sigrun: Yeaaaaah that’s not “the ground was more comfortable to sleep on than my bedroll”, is it.
The First: OHAI.
Molly: Oh for fuck’s sake not another one of you. Now what do you want?
The First: To give you a gift!
Weird Magic Bullshit That’s Going To Look Very Familiar Two Games From Now: *happens*
A very weird landscape, an unknown amount of time later...
Molly: ...Anders?
Anders: ...yes?
Molly: If you have the answer to this, I’m going to be very very angry ... but not at you, so please be honest. Where the fuck are we?
Anders: ...the Fade...
Molly: And since Sigrun and I are dwarves, and we don’t dream, so we don’t go into the Fade the way humans and elves and them do when we sleep ... that’s possible because...?
Anders: ...we’re there physically...
Molly: We’ll figure out a way out of here in just a second. Right now, I have something I need to do or I’ll be useless for days. *volley of incredibly loud swearing in every language she managed to pick up*
Nathaniel: Did we find an end to her ability to cope with things?
Anders: No, I think this one just needed a coping mechanism to come into play. Hence the swearing.
Nathaniel: Which is probably alerting every enemy for about a mile, by the way.
Molly: NOW ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! I COULD REALLY USE SOMETHING TO KILL RIGHT NOW!
The First: ...I be stuck here too, if you care...
Molly: *snarl most often heard on blight wolves*
The First: ...I be finding my own way out and leaving my companions to deal with you. *flees*
Molly: FUCKING COWARD!
Other Darkspawn: *look a bit uncertain*
Molly: ...but you fuckheads will do...
Other Darkspawn: *meep*
Stabnation: *ensues across a good several hundred yards of Fade*
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Love Hurts - pt. 4
A/N: I don’t even know where I’m taking this... but kinda do.
XX
It was the last preparation for the ball. Today was the day that all of the students went through the dances all in one class.
The first was Quadrille and you weren’t really excited about it, however, you did want it to be over as soon as possible.
Since that night- that walk you thought you could never look Fred in the eyes ever again. He didn’t know how much he truly influenced on you. He didn’t know, not even a tiny bit that all his words hurt. He wasn’t apologising to you, he was trying to excuse himself for his words.
You glared at him, he glared back at you.
He was furious with you as well. The whole walk, the whole talk, it was useless when you refused to understand and listen to what he truly had to say. Why couldn’t you just forgive him for this? The moment the two you stepped outside, the air, the energy, it was more than nice- it was comfortable and safe, homey even...
‘ -- The two of you walked through the portrait hole and started walking around the castle in your own, comfortable clothes. He apparently had a style of beige, light coloured clothes and you wore a bit dark coloured clothes today, navy blue sweatpants and black hoodie.
It was the kind of slow walk. He swung his legs in large steps and you hugged yourself because there was a slight breeze in the air.
He observed you at first. Your hair were in two dutch braids and they shone nicely on the moonlight. You were looking down on the ground, not really knowing how to start anything, so you waited for him to start.
“Are you cold?” he asked as he saw you tugging on the hoodie.
“A little.” you shrugged, looking up at him.
“I would give you a jacket... if I had one.” he smiled, opening his arms and showing you he only had a long sleeved shirt on.
“I’d take the shirt if offered.” you grinned coyly at him.
“Well I don’t have anything underneath so-” he stopped as he started to realise your unpure intentions. He let out a laugh. “Smooth.” he lowered his head and shook it, then let the silence take over as he continued to look at you. Your nose, your chin, your baby hair on the side of your head poking out. “You calmed down since the whole steps turning into a slide thing.”
You looked at him and smiled, just enough to light that one sparkle in your eyes. “Well, it’s a lovely night... and you’re more quiet that usual.”
He let out another laugh. “Is that good?”
“That’s fantastic.”
“So you’d walk with me but not listen to me?”
“You seem to say all the wrong things but you did want to talk so here I am, listening.”
He opened his mouth to say something but closed them just as soon. “Oh.” he managed to let out. “Well... don’t hate me- again but I meant what I said back then. You are barmy in the head”
“Wow thanks a lot, Fredrick.” your tone got a bit colder and your brows furrowed, sparkle disappearing and causing him speak bluntly on.
“Fredrick? - No no no no wait. That’s good. I like you when you're a bit crazy.” he smiled. “The way you laugh and smile and be all quirky. I like you like that. You’re adorable when you start jumping when you’re excited and giggle when you see something pretty- even if it’s an autumn leaf-”
“But thats not how you meant it back then did you?” you stopped and turned around sharply. You stared at him, not angrily but sadly. “Nobody likes to be called barmy in the head behind their back. You make me sound like I belong into a looney house, you asshat.”
“You’re not listening to me!”
“I am, Fred!” you shouted back, eyes only becoming more hollow and dropping their shape along with your lips. “I fancied you. You knew that because I flirted with you constantly and with you I sort hoped that being my quirky-self; funny and smiling all the time and- and laughing, flirting and doing all the shit you like that maybe, just maybe you would like me back but instead of linking me back for being a bit of crackhead, you call me barmy to the head and not in a good way- not how you said it back then. You said it as if me and you were like the grossest pair to be-”
“But that’s not what I meant at all!” he shouted over you. “You’re adorable and smart and funny and any guy would be lucky to have you but-”
“- not you, right?” you finished before he could.
“Not me.” he repeated after you.
“I would have got that if you had just told me.” you said, looking him in the eyes that looked away from you. “If you told me that directly back then, we would still be friends right now, nothing would have changed but that day- that day I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. I was so pissed at you and I was ranting to my friends for 2 freaking hours about how I did not deserve you and then I collapsed and cried another two hours about how could you have think that I am that awful and crazy and just say that no guy would ever want me and you said all because you George teased you with me.” you seemed to pour it all out and he only stared. “I get it. You have a reputation-”
“No. Don’t say that!” He pointed his finger at you angrily, raising his tone.
“It’s all of what this is about Fred! You don’t want your popular reputation to be ruined!”
“You don’t even know me! My reputation would be the last thing I cared about!”
“I do know you, you arse! Because I listen to you when you talk to me, what you say, what you joke about but not really- the little things matter!”
“That’s not my fault if you were interested in me and I wasn’t interested in you!”
“Do you even hear yourself!”
“Yes and I also hear you and you’re being a dramatic, whiny, sensitive little girl who can’t take rejection!” he seemed to speak from his temper, not even processing the words he is spilling out.
You stormed to him and pressed your finger at his chest, fire burning in your eyes as you looked up at him from bellow. You glared, he glared. “You, Fredrick-” you said slowly and he grabbed your finger and pulled you so close your noses were almost touching. The tension grew, the space between the two of you heated up and you felt yourself glaring into his soul, not his eyes. Your heart was pounding in your chest but so was his and both of you knew that was frustration to each other.
“Me, Fred.” he corrected you “Don’t call me-”
“Fredrick.” you repeated yourself with a smirk and he grit his teeth, forcing a smile as he looked up at the ceiling then throwing his head back down and gently bumping his nose onto yours. He felt his body freeze and melt but you kept yourself pressed on him and glaring at him angrily?
He couldn’t believe where his thoughts went after he found himself so close to you, holding you with such frustration and that frustration changed from an anger to lust.
“When you decide what you wanna be with me, Fredrick-” you spit the name out with extreme force in your tone “- if you want friends or enemies. Let me know because right now I feel like you’re trying to be one but becoming the other.” you pulled yourself away forcefully and it was as if the cold air washed both of you like a freezing cold shower. Both of your cheeks were red, whether from blushing or from pure fury, nobody will ever know but he was glaring and so were you.
“You really think that I will fall on my knees and crawl after you just so we can be friends. You’re the one who can’t move on, princess.” he didn’t budge, not a muscle. “You’re the one in love with me.”
You let out an unbelievable scoff. “First of all you one were one pathetic, stupid mistake of a crush that if I ever would fall in love with you, I’d go live with the Trolls. You’re poor and egoistic, don’t let me start on your poor ambitions.” you started to goad, clearly not seeing your own limits with words.
“Stop-”
“What Fredrick? Hurt you the way you hurt me? With words.”
“You’re not like that. You’re not mean, you’re just saying it but don’t really mean it.”
“No!” you became more angry than intending to. “What I didn’t realise before was that your personality was just as shitty as your looks! Now, here I thought there was this tall, handsome Gryffindor who loves to laugh and help people but in reality you pull pranks on people like a child because mommie and daddie never paid much attention to you and your brother-”
“Don’t bring my family into this!” he started to get furious. “You Mudblood-” he slapped his mouth and widened his eyes as you widened yours.
The two of you stood there in pure silence, watching each other with shock and the two of you didn’t know which one was worse than the other.
Soulmates weren’t supposed to make each other hurt like this... feel like this...
You looked away at your own realisation, than back up to glare at him. You started moving towards him but just before you passed him, you stopped and turned your head just a bit to the side. “You chose us to be enemies.” you said before a tear fell down your cheek but before he could see it, you were already storming back up. ---’
“What are you doing?” Anis asked with a worried expression.
You looked up at him and realised where your thoughts had taken you. “Ugh.” you forced a smile. “Just- want to get this over with. Feeling a bit under the weather today.”
He walked with you to your Quadrille pair and put a smile on his face. “Well, it’s our last one and it’s a short practice before I can see you in a lovely dress.” he looked down at you and sent you a flirty wink.
You rolled your eyes but smiled at it just before you were faced with two brown eyes glaring, not at you but at him. He heard it, he saw the looks and the reaction and he glared not at you but at him.
You took your position, he took his. He forced a smile on his face, said: “Princess.”
“Fredrick.” you mirrored his expression before his forced smile turned into a full, offended frown.
“I see the two of you haven’t made amends.” Angelina said from the side and the two of you ignored her, glaring at each other.
“Jel je sve uredu?” Anis asked, looking at you with another worried expression.
“Nije.” you answered without taking a look at him.
Anis looked at Fred, then back at you, then at Angelina who stood in front of him. She shrugged and he did as well. They both gave each other comforting looks as you and Fred only mirrored each other.
The dance started and you all moved together, you and Fred never much in sync as the two of you were before any of this happened. When he had to take a hold of you to take you in a round, you started to get uncomfortable and unsteady.
“Stop it.” he mumbled and you shot him a glare.
He was already tired from glaring back at you, so he softened his expression and sighed. “Just, (y/n), please just forgive me for today and when the dance comes.” he stopped but kept his hands on you. “I don’t want to ruin this for Angie or Anis or you. Let’s just both forget about our problems with each other for this stupid dance and after you can hate me just as much as you want to.” he looked down than back at you, his eyes pleading. “Please.”
You softened your expression, relaxed the tensed muscles in your body. Your hands fell down onto his and you took a bit more time to contemplate his words. You looked at Anis and Angie twirling around and finding both of them smiling at each other. You looked at Fred again and took a sigh. “Fine- yes. You’re right.”
“Yeah?” Fred looked at you, this time with more sad expression than a happy or relieved one.
“We shouldn’t ruin this for them because we’re both bitter towards each other.”
He let out a laugh and twirled you around as he continued the dance everybody else was at. He swung you on your feet and just before he let you go back to your dance partner. “One more than the other and the other more sorry than the one.”
You were back in Anis’ arms and he was swinging you, looking deeply into your eyes. “Čao, lepotica.” he spoke low as your eyes were still on the brown ones across the room. He sent you a loving, comforting simper from the other room, the one that made you wonder a bit, think a bit.
You looked up at those blue ones of your partner and felt all your emotions suddenly disappear. No more tension, no more chemistry, no more love? - No, that’s impossible.
“Hey, handsome.”
Fred saw you look away first, to those blue eyes and the way you smiled at your partner made his heart sink a bit. It was a constant battle with you. Both of you seem to be more forgiving and conflict resolving in those two seconds of dancing together than taking a long walk with the the intention of resolving and clearing out all the misunderstandings.
He leaned his head into Angelina’s shoulder and thought; her hands doesn’t feel as right in his than yours do. There is so much more missing with Angelina than with you and all you do when the two of you are together is hurt each other.
What even are the two of you anymore? If not classmates or housemates, not friends, maybe dance partners- what?
He closed his eyes shut just for a moment before opening them and finding you in his sight, laughing and joking around with your partner. Anis twirled you around, not following the dance steps at all, just dancing with you freely and you let your feet take you as well; back and forth, him spinning you away, then back to his arms and swinging you along with his feet. The dynamic was perfect. He made you smile and laugh, he made that sparkle in your eyes appear so easily that it seemed as if the two of you are perfect for each other. Now he may not be this with Angelina, nor with you but you and Anis might as well be soulmates.
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Tinker Bell
Stray Kids & Ateez
Parings: Richboy!San & Hyunjin x brat!female reader
Genre: Smut, angst
Word Count: 3.6K
CONTAINS DARK THEMES!
PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
———
Synopsis: San falls in love with his bestfriends crush and it turns into a messy, love triangle. But once they realize this girl has broken their wonderful friendship..... read to find out
———
A/N: Warnings are after under cut! Sorry if I ruined your childhood with the title. Whoops!
⚠️Warnings: forced ddlg relationship, threesome, anal, bondage, overstimulation, dacryphilia, humiliation, physical abuse, language, heavy degradation, cum eating, blowjob, dirty talking, spitting, fisting, camera play, breeding kink, squirting, probably missing something, if I am please forgive me:(
SEMI NON CONSENSUAL SEX
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“Come on Hyunjin, let me go!”
Y/N rolls her eyes at the man and yanks her arm out of his grip. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not interested in dating you. Go back to your nerd club and don’t talk to me again. Being near you can hurt my reputation.”
She pushes him and sashays away. San comes up behind the male and pats him on the back. “Remind me why you like her again? She’s a total bitch that can’t get over herself.” He said while watching her walk down the hallway. “I thought I could date her. I tried everything. I’m nice, aren’t I?”
“You’re nice, but if a history textbook was a human, it would be you. She’s a princess and she needs a prince. Change up your style and maybe you’ll have a chance with her.” Hyunjin scoffs. “Before you start coming at me, why don’t you take a look at yourself. Your hair looks like a pie chart, San.”
“Shut up, my hair looks beautiful.” San huffs and combs his hair back, feeling a little insecure. The two boys were too busy dissing each other’s looks, they didn’t notice Y/N coming back their way and hearing in. “You both are ugly. Sorry, but it had to be said.”
She was just about to walk away until San pulled her back by the arm and pushed her against the locker. He chuckles and gets close to her face, “who are you to judge us because of how we look? Are you some kind of fashion fairy? Listen here you little cunt….” he whispers into her ear so Hyunjin couldn’t hear, “why don’t you spread your wings and not your legs for once, little tinker bell? Fly away from here and don’t talk about us ever again. Though…” San smirks and looks away for a second, before going back. “Though.. I want to fuck you so hard and feel your pussy clench around my cock. But the only turn off about you is how your pussy probably looks like a flat tire.”
San ‘accidentally’ rubs his bulge against her hand and moves away from her face so she could leave. “Now that’s how you put someone back in their place.” Hyunjin looks at San with a resentful expression. “You’re actually such an asshole, Choi San. I just told you that I like her, but you still- you know what? Nevermind. Don’t talk to me ever again.” Hyunjin walks away, angered by San, but San only brushes it off.
This was the beginning of a love triangle.
San didn’t know what came over him when he was confronting Y/N. He didn’t like her at all, but the moment he stood over her, a light turn on. Or maybe it turned off. The young man was doing pull ups in a black tank top, that showed off his muscular biceps. After his workout he showered and changed into his boxers. He was drying his hair, while picking out a ‘less nerdy’ outfit.
He decided on a full black outfit. Black jeans, black shirt and black leather jacket. He grabbed black dye from his drawer and dyed his hair back to black and trimmed his mullet since it was getting long.
Hyunjin was doing something similar. He was also changing up his style with the help of his fashionable mom. She criticizes Hyunjin's wardrobe and lends him his father's clothes, which were much more expensive and trendy. He thanks his mother and shaves his face. He was a little anxious to show off the new Hyunjin, causing him to not sleep very well.
The next morning arrives and Hyunjin wakes up with a full smile. He gets ready for the day and greets his mother, who was preparing breakfast for him. “Oh look at my handsome son.” She walks over to him, cups his cheeks and kisses his forehead. “You look just like your father. He would be proud.” Hyunjin smiles and sits down at the table to eat his breakfast.
The other boy was also getting ready, but sadly his parents were not there to compliment him. San’s parents were constantly working and barely ever considered his existence. He would see his mom once in a while, but rarely saw his dad.
Choi gets in his car and drives to school, only to see a new, black sports car in the parking lot. He parked his car and waited for whoever it was. To his surprise it was Hyunjin. San was a little jealous of him since Hyunjin came from a caring family. His parents spoiled him with love. That’s something San couldn’t compete with.
Y/N was standing in front of the school, checking out Hyunjin. She twirled her gum around her fingers and pulled her skirt higher, so you can see her ass. “Hwang Hyunjin is that you?!” She skips to him with a teasing look on her face. “Sure is. But I thought you didn’t like nerds.”
“I can like you if you keep looking like this.” She winks and places one hand on his shoulder, gradually getting closer to his face. Her other hand takes Hyunjin’s palm and places it on her bare ass cheek. “Don’t be shy, spank me.” She giggles and leans in kissing him. His comforting aroma made her feel safe in his arms. Hyunjin spanks the little girl and grins, holding her closer to him. He was about to say something, until the crowds outside the school started to noticeably whisper. Y/N and Hyunjin both turn to the noise, and see San running his fingers through his hair, with a deadpan expression.
The man bites down on his lip and slightly brings down his sunglasses to wink at a girl. Y/N bit down on her own lip, and felt this irritating rush. Why did her insides burn with jealousy? These were the same two men that she bullied the day before. Yet, they have her dripping wet. She turns her attention back to Hyunjin. “He’s a dumb show off, Hyunjinie. Come on, we’ll be late for class.”
She interwines her hands with his bigger ones and drags him into the school. The second they turn the hallways, they see San having a hot makeout session with some random chick. The man shoving his tongue down the girl's throat didn’t even notice that Hyunjin and Y/N were there, until Y/N cleared her throat. “Excuse me, my locker’s there.” San pulls away and apologizes. “Oh I-I’m sorry, she was just so tasty.” San looks back at his girl and tells her to hand over her phone. “Call me tonight baby. I hope you taste just as sweet as your saliva.” Both of them go their separate ways, leaving Y/N and Hyunjin alone.
Again, Y/N felt pain and anger at the same time. San looked like he was ready to eat the girl alive, and what she would’ve done to be in her place. She sighs and looks at Hyunjin. “I want to apologize for always being a jerk to you. I just- I don’t know. Hurting other people gives me pleasure and attention that I enjoy..”
“Ohhh, so you’re just a needy, little attention whore. I get it now.” Hyunjin nods and face palms his forehead in an over exaggerated way. “I’m not a whore Hyunjin..” She picks up her unzipped pencil case and proceeds to say, “I don’t appreciate that name!” Y/N throws her hands in the air, causing all the pencils to fly out everywhere on the hallway floor. She grumbles and bends down to pick them up, immediately waking up Hyunjin’s little friend. Uncontrollably, he grips onto her waist and pulls her back onto his bulge. Y/N moans and rubs her slit onto him more. “Look at what you've done. Now you have to fix it.”
“Please let me.” Hyunjin easily throws her over his shoulder and spanks her ass. He carried her into the back of the library, where all the bookshelves could cover them. “You have to be quiet, or else we’ll get caught.” “Well no shit sherlock.” She whispers yells, whilst rolling her eyes. Hyunjin bends her over, covers her mouth and slaps her ass. “I dare you to talk back to me…” he spanks her again, “needy whore.”
Hyunjin rips her panties off and stuffs it into her mouth before taking himself out. He puts his hand over the girl's mouth and thrust into her soaked pussy. He pounds her right away, kicking her breath out with each thrust. The library was dead silent and the skin clapping got a little too loud, causing the librarian to get up and look around. She was headed their way and Hyunjin quickly pulled her under a nearby desk and used a chair to cover themselves. Her legs wrap around his waist and he goes even faster, directly hitting her spot, just as the old woman walks passed. She rolls her eyes and covers her own mouth, spasming under him. “C-cum” she squeaks out. “Cum, cum now!” She squeezes her walls around Hyunjin, cumming all over his long veiny cock. “Wait, you’re on birth control right?!” “Yes! Please cum in me daddy, please!”
Hyunjin throws his head back while spilling his seeds in her. Unfortunately for him, he bangs his head under the table, catching the librarians attention. “What the- ” she mutters to herself, pulling the chair away. She finches and yells, “YOU DISGUSTING KIDS ARE HAVING SEX IN MY LIBRARY?!” The man gets off his girlfriend and stands up. “Don’t be upset that you haven’t gotten laid in like... forever. You could’ve masterbated to the sounds of my balls clapping her ass.”
“Hyunjin!” She whines. “Shut it needy slut.”
Her expression changed into disappointment. She didn’t like to be called a slut. “But daddyy~” she tugs on his pants and looks up at him. Hyunjin pulls her up slightly and slaps her. “This is all your fucking fault!” She tears up and holds her burning cheek, “M-my fault? H-how is it my-” Hyunjin slaps her again and drags her by her hair out of the library. “Ow! Hyunjin let me go!” She tries to pry his fingers off her hair, but his grip only gets harder. “P-please hyunjin! Leave me alone!”
“San was right about you! You’re just an attention whore and will spread your legs for anyone!” He spits on her face and pushes her to the ground. He gets on top of her, shoving his fist inside of her and ripping her clothes off. “Hyunjin! It hurts!”
“I bet it does.” Hyunjin took her again, in the middle of the hallway. His fingers were tightly wrapped around her neck to make sure she couldn’t call for help. She sobbed, kicked and squealed under the much bigger man. Her insides were screaming as she could feel his bulge hit her stomach. Hyunjin was too busy taking her to notice San taking a video and quietly walking towards them. Y/N turns her head and her eyes meet San’s eyes right away. Her eyes were full of tears and her arms were weak from punching Hyunjin chests so many times.
Fortunately, Hyunjin notices that something got her attention and looks as well. “San. Why are you recording?” San smiles, “I’m not recording, I’m live. Continue fucking her, the viewers are loving it.”
Y/N cries harder, “no! Stop please don’t record this!” She slips out of Hyunjins tight grip and makes a run for it. Both of the males bolt after her, laughing and teasing her.
She runs outside and trips on her shoelace, causing the cement to tear her skin and bleed. “Owieee” she holds her bleeding knee to her chest and cries. San and Hyunjin run outside and spot her crying. “Awee, did the little Tinker Bell get a boo boo?” San says, mockingly.
“P-please it’s not funny, it hurts.” Hyunjin pushes San back and strikes her face. “This is what I mean. You’re so fucking dumb, you’re not even capable of running away. Now you have to pay.”
“NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” She ignores the raging pain in her knee and tries to limp away. San wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her back. “Where ya going, Tinker Bell.”
“Let me go! You guys are insane!” She cries in San’s arms and struggles to get out of his grip. “I-I PLEASE! LET ME GO!” San and Hyunjin laugh at her poor attempts. “She’ll never learn until she gets pounded by two.” San says, smirking at Hyunjin. “T-two? Y-you two?... No, no, no, please!” She begs, dropping down to her knees. “Lick my shoe clean and we’ll think about it.” A smug smile plasters on San’s face, but his request made both Y/N and Hyunjin cringe. “What, Tinker Bell? Did I fucking stutter?”
“N-no” she leans down and licks his shoes. “Tinker Bell’s so terrified of me, slut’s licking my shoe. That’s how you dom, Hyunjin.”
“Yeah, I’d like to see you kiss her after she licks off your dirty shoes.” Hyunjin’s tone was telling San that he was a bit disgusted, but San gladly does it anyway. He pulls her up by the hair and shoves his tongue down her throat. San wrapped his arms around her and sucked her tongue, until he pulled away, creating a string of saliva between the two. “Open your mouth Tinker Bell.” She opens her mouth and San spits in it and slaps her ass. “Notice how she’s so submissive to me. That’s how you claim your power. Right, Tinker Bell?” San looks down into her pure eyes and pets her cheek with one hand. “Right daddy. You’re always right.” She whispers out, suddenly compelled by San.
“Good girl. Let’s go.” Hyunjin unlocks his car and sits in the driver's seat, while Y/N and San sit in the backseat. During the car ride, San pulled Y/N onto his knee and kept hitting her clit with it. He then licked his fingers and rubbed her clit rapidly, making her cum on San’s thigh. “Daddy!” She moans out, uncontrollably bouncing on his knee. San grabbed her tits and played with them while she bounced and rubbed her clit against his thigh, furiously. “I’m gonna cum again!” San pushes her off of him and shoves his fist into her. “You’re not even fucking tight. What a waste of time.”
Hyunjin chuckles and pulls into his driveway. San takes his fist out and pushes her onto the cement, expecting her to crawl. Y/N’s knee starts bleeding again, so she looks up to San for help. “Please! My knees really hurt!” Hyunjin kicks her down and tangles his fingers into her hair. “Crawl slut!” She winces, slowly crawling into the house until Hyunjin gets impatient and pulls her hair to go faster.
“Please! You’re hurting me! I want San and only San!” Hyunjin kicked her cunt from behind, making her scream and whimper. “I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE HYUNJIN!” The man picks her up and throws her on the bed. The two men act quickly and put her down before she could scream. They tie her down onto the bed and put a tie around her mouth. Hyunjin has been waiting for this moment. He never thought that it would go down like this but hey, it was working and that’s all the matters to him. The little girl he greatly lusted for, was tied to his bed, at his mercy. Hyunjin quickly strips, completely forgetting about San and fucks his soul into her.
“YOU FUCKING CUNT! YOU’RE LIFE WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU JUST..” Hyunjins hips sped up and he choked her down, pounding inside of her. “P-PLEASE HYUNJIN! I-I’M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, BUT PLEASE SLOW DOWN IT HURTS SO BAD!” Both of them were screaming at the top of their lungs, while San sat back, naked, with one hand stroking his cock and the other hand holding his belt. The skin slapping was music to his ears. He watches as his pal fucks anger and sadness into her, feeling no pity. “SAN P-PLEASE HElp” Hyunjin slaps her and growls, going as fast as he can, nearly breaking the bed.
“I hate you!” She hiccuped. “I hate both of you!” She tugs on her restrainants, but they were just too tight to get out of. Her next option was to cry, but no one would hear her because of the tie around her mouth. Hyunjin’s cock twitched at the sight of her ruined face. Her hot tears glided down her face and her pussy clenched around his cock as it went deep into her stomach. Hyunjin pressed down on his bulge in her stomach and pounds her harder. “You like this Tinker Bell. You love it…”
“No, I don't!” Her words were muffled and weak. “Even if you don’t, I’ll fuck my babies into you in the future. We can have a nice little family. Wouldn’t you love that? Wouldn’t you love to be the mother of my kids?” The man sends her a sinister look, before he cums into her once again. Y/N’s muffled screams release when she squirts all over Hyunjin and starts hysterically crying.
The man blows on her burning clit, sending shivers up her spine. “My turn.” San stands up and clears his throat. His cum was all over his hand and cock. His long, veiny cock stood tall and proud. He walks past Hyunjin, and flips Y/N over onto her stomach, because her preferred to take her from behind. “San please, please have mercy on me! I beg you! Please please please stop!”
“Little whore’s scared now? What happened to the brat behaviour? What happened to that diva, fashion fairy? Is she hiding in your tiny asshole? Looks like I have to go in, to find out.”
“NO!” San presses her face into a pillow and forces his cock into her ass. Her hole hugged each of his veins, throwing him off the edge. “Fuck! This is the only hole of yours that isn’t tight. Well not for long.” She kicks her feet under him, hoping to grab his attention. But it doesn’t work. Nothing and I mean nothing would stop San in that moment.
To make it even ‘better’, Hyunjin pulls her hair out of her face and forces his cock down her throat, face slamming her after. She gags multiple times and her tears slide down his cock, making it salty.
San rams her ass, while Hyunjin fucks her face and all she could do was cry about it. Her ass was on fire around San’s huge cock because she’s never been stretched in that area.
Both of the males cum almost at the same time. Y/N’s ass overflows with San’s cum and her mouth fills up with Hyunjin’s. “Is it- is it over?”
“Not even close!” The boys flip her on her side and this time, Hyunjin takes her from behind. Both don’t waste any time to hold her down and fuck her viciously. San watched as the girl’s tears, whimpers and sobs left her shaking mouth. Hyunjin choked her from behind while slamming into her. She cries, helplessly on San’s shoulder, regretting every mistake she’s made.
“Please slow down! My body can’t do it! Please I’ll faint! Please!” She sobbed out, feeling her heart break. “Please!” They both move in closer, squishing Y/N between them, so she could feel the pressure in her stomach. San and Hyunjin’s cock rub inside her, and go up to her stomach, constantly knocking air out of her.
San moves her hair away from her face and ear. He kisses her jawline up to her ear and whispers. “You gonna be a good girl for your daddies?”
“Yes”
“Are you gonna listen and obey your daddies?”
“Y-yes”
“You’re gonna allow your daddies to use you for anything they want, correct.”
Her heart clenches and she squeezes her eyes shut, squirting around San.
“C-c-cor-rectt” she quietly stutters out.
Hyunjin marks her neck up from behind, while San made sure she was still conscious. Y/N’s vision blurred because of the tears in her eyes and she slowly cried under the two men. Her legs were too weak to kick, she lost her voice from crying, and had the small amount of energy that was keeping her conscious.
Hyunjin moves in closer, licking and sucking on her ear. San moves in closer too, pulling her in a rough, deep kiss, giving her all of his saliva. He proceeds to lick her cheeks and bite her jawline. “You’re so fucking sexy, tinker bell.”
The man behind you starts degrading you in your ear. “It could’ve just been me and my cock. But you need two to pound this filthy, used pussy. This is your fault! Keep crying about it, but just know you did this to yourself!” He spits on her face and slaps her ass.
“Daddies, I’m close and it hurts.”
“Baby, squirt for your daddies one more time.”
She shakes her head, no, because her insides were killing her. Her core was on fire and they kept hitting the same spot where it hurt. She silently sobs and stuffs her face into the pillow, not having the energy to face them.
“Do it! Squirt you little slut!” San growls in her ear, and his sweat drips down onto her face.
“I-it hurts! N-no!”
San holds her down and they both increase their speed, making her scream. “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!” She clenches around the boys and quivers violently. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for everything! Please I’m so sorry!”
She cries as she squirts for the third time. Her crying was a lot louder and both of the men hugged her to calm her down. “That’s enough, don’t overreact.” Hyunjin says, in a quiet tone.
Her legs shake and her eyelids get heavy. “A-are we done?”
San kisses her forehead and cuddles in closer.
“Yes we are, Tinker Bell”
————
Not edited! Will edit in the morning!
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Do you have fic recs or head canons? please ramble for paragraphs im bored and looking for something to read.
oh boy do i have some fic recs for you (and everyone who sees this), my friend! this one is quite long because there are a lot of fics i like and this isn’t all of them, so if you’d like more, you can check out my bookmarks page ^^
The Run and Go by Numanum
“That’s not fair,” Bad protests. Dream raises an eyebrow at him and jerks his tied hands in emphasis, clearly saying that none of this is fair.
“Look, you keep running! Who runs if they’re not guilty?” Bad challenges, staring him down with obvious distrust from the generous distance of exactly five feet. It’s fair, as much as Dream hates to admit it; it’s not like he’s been the most honest hostage in the past, with all of his escaping and running and framing himself for his own murder, apparently.
“Only the good die young, and only the guilty run,” Technoblade chimes in, holding his own potato and sitting in the snow like it’s not cold at all.
A hot flash of irritation burns through him.
“Someone being chased?” he counters sarcastically, jerking his tied wrists up again to wave them in front of the group. Sapnap laughs so hard that he almost chokes on his potato, but it dies off when Dream gives him an icy stare.
Or: Dream is having a hard time, and the hunter just want to adopt him like a stray puppy that bites you at every opportunity.
multi-chapter, ongoing.
a manhunt with plot-style fic! exquisitely written, visceral in the emotions it evokes. it’s the kind of fic that makes me feel all shaky with anticipation, the kind that i have a physical reaction to; you can’t put it down.
pain. all-consuming pain. this one feels bad, man
and as he fell (you walked away) by Teahound
Once upon a time, there were three hunters.
They were good at what they did. If you wanted something-- or better yet, someone-- found, discovered, or destroyed, they were the people you asked. They didn’t have much to their name, besides a formidable reputation, but they were a team, and that was enough for them.
Once upon a time, there was a king in the forest.
He wore a mask, but it didn’t matter. That deep in the forest, in a hidden fortress, buried behind leaves and monsters and broken stone, no one could see his face anyway. He had been there a very long time, and he was alone.
Being a king can be a very lonely thing.
So one day, the king left the fortress.
A Minecraft manhunt AU, with a fantasy twist. Dream is a cryptid, and Hunters are idiots.
multi-chapter (11), complete.
tea’s fic!! a manhunt-with-plot fic, featuring a forest spirit dream and circumstantial hunters and friendships that feel both intensely real and desperately melancholy because they can’t last.
or can they?
The Real World by Cinammonzoa and Fire_Fly464
"Ten, paces fire!"
Time stopped.
Tommy’s entire body went numb. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but his body was determined to keep him silent. His vision went dark, and he could no longer feel his headphones over his ears. The mouse in his hand. The slight breeze of his ceiling fan. For a few seconds, he couldn’t feel anything.
His senses came back to him all at once. The first thing Tommy noticed was the weight in his right hand -- a bow. His nostrils stung with the lingering scent of gunpowder. In front of him was a masked figure. Their right arm was bent, their elbow by their face. In their left hand was a bow, aiming directly at--
~~~
Aka Dream and Tommy get transported into the SMP world and have no idea what the fuck is happening
multi-chapter (23), complete
you’ve probably seen this one if you haunt the video blogging rpf/minecraft tags of ao3 often! an irl!dream and tommy replace their smp counterparts type of beat, very upbeat in dynamic and fun to keep pace with, great read.
staying alive (though the city is dead) by Alice_Not_In_Wonderland
"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," Schlatt smirks, his words lilting, almost song-like. His eyes seem to glow brighter. "Tell me, Dream, when did you realize that you could talk and talk and talk and no one would ever believe you?"
---
or: if dream's damned to be a villain in every story he's in, then he's going to show them exactly how much of one he can be
one-shot, complete.
the gratuitous greek mythology references are truly everything and this fic is such a good dissection of dream and schlatt’s motivations and how their goals intersect, and dream’s likening to cassandra really hits different
Green & Gold by HognoseSnake
George’s legs ached.
His lungs felt tight and too small.
His breath was loud in his ears.
His pack bounced uncomfortably on his shoulders.
George, homeless and adrift, is an outlaw of the Mad King's reign. He'd spent the last two months being hunted across the wilderness at the fringe of society by a ruthless killer in a smiling mask and bright green coat. This, he understood.
What he didn't understand is why such a ruthless killer kept letting him go.
multi-chapter (8), complete. sequel ongoing.
a breathtaking pseudo-manhunt-with-plot fic, with george and dream running from a kingdom that wants them dead for perceived transgressions. this shit hurted, and the sequel hurts even worse ;-; snake please i beg
We’re Only Young series by ImperialKatwala
It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.
collection of both one-shots and ongoing multi-chapter fics.
((bangs on table)) please read this series it is dream and techno friendship fics that alternate between lighthearted and heartwrenchingly comforting and imperialkatwala’s characterisation of them and their respective groups of family and friends is so frickin’ good i read this series when i’m not having a good day and it never fails to make me crack a smile
kept promises and old ruins and names carved into stone by verecundiam
"Would you... would you want to stay here?" Bad wrings his hands, looking away. "Like, like actually stay? I know it's not, ah, not exactly comfortable, or all that homey, but I don't want you two to get hurt out there on your own, and I just... I think maybe you could stay? If you want?"
"That sounds nice," Sapnap says, because it does.
(Or: How four kids managed to build a family, against all odds.)
one-shot, complete.
muffinteers found family that makes me want to go to the smp writers and beg it to be made canon. unbelievably soft yet excellent at parsing out the younger counterparts of the four and creating backgrounds that feasibly form them into the people they grow up to be.
in the age of icons by BananasofThorns
“Yeah, keep digging,” Tommy crows.
The pickaxe hesitates on the downswing. The air shifts; Dream’s aura bursts into visibility, brilliant green and jagged. Ozone hums on Techno’s tongue and Bad stutters in the middle of his sentence. Up on the wall, silhouetted by the sun, Dream stands frozen and furious.
L'manberg messes with something it shouldn't. Techno watches the repercussions and tries not to laugh.
one-shot, complete.
i love deity aus (figures, i wrote one myself akjdfh), and this one hits. there’s something exquisitely delicate about how dream and the repercussions his godhood both on himself and on the people who are exposed to him in that moment of unbridled rage.
that's how we keep going (we make the best of things) by lieyuu
[ i can’t decide if this is heaven or hell. the walls keep closing in and we’re running out of space, but you’re pretty cute ]
“So, do you want to build a flower shop, a cottage, or a coffee shop?” Puffy asks, smiling like just Niki’s presence is enough to light up her world.
Niki looks at her, thinks, I want to bend nature to my will and weave tapestries in your name, says, “I think I might like the flower shop best.”
one-shot, complete.
a niki/puffy fic that crushed me in its hands in just six hundred words. the delicate love and wonder and beauty of this fic killed me softly and i welcomed it. it’s girls in love rendered by lieyuu’s masterful hand, what more could you want
i need it to be known that as i was typing up my thoughts midnight love by girl in red started playing from my playlist if that’s not a shining endorsement i don’t know what is
did i ruin the moment? by itisjosh
Ranboo drags himself through the snow, burn wounds going up and down his body. His suit is crumpled, half of it discarded as he crawls along the ground. His eyes are firmly pressed shut, and he refuses to open them, just in case he sees him, Dream, again. Ranboo sobs as the snow melts on his skin, the water scalding him as it trickles down his arms and chest.
one-shot, complete.
it’s character death, i do need to put it out there because it felt like i was punched in the stomach at the end even though i knew. josh knows exactly how to drag his readers kicking and screaming into angst hell, as always - a ranboo is rescued by phil fic wherein ranboo ends up convincing himself that the only reason for his presence in the nearly-empty anarchist commune is because phil sees him as a placeholder for his sons ;-; pain
Frame The Halves, And Call Them Brothers by MusicallyActive
"Let's go!" Quackity roared. "Let's fucking go!"
The anvil dropped, and Techno reached for his totem of undying. This was going to hurt like a bitch.
Phil screamed something, and instantly a crushing force struck Technoblade's skull. It rattled him to the core, doused his vision in red, and then all he knew was black.
He gasped awake moments later to the sound of his communicator pinging softly at his bedside table, and when Technoblade opened his eyes, New L'manburg was nowhere in sight.
one-shot, complete.
a techno timeloop fic that shows off the unintentional cruelty of the children who run l’manberg and techno’s own inability to allow the people he tries so hard not to love to come to harm. techno’s rendered in painstaking detail; this one was cathartic in the best way.
on i go (move to move) by Aenqa
If you ask someone whether they’ve ever experienced real, severe physical pain, you’ll learn a lot from their response.
Techno knows what it means to be in pain. He’s accepted it as a necessary consequence of keeping his family safe. But when the pain he's experiencing starts to become too much to bear alone, it takes his family to show him what it might mean to feel better.
one-shot, complete.
chronic pain fic featuring sbi!! it’s really good - aenqa wrote chronic pain well, and incorporated respawn mechanics into it well, and the dynamic between sbi is impeccable.
Yellow and Blue and- by nic_takes_Ls (nic_L)
It’s another gorgeous day in New L’Manberg. Tubbo’s stilted streets of deep toned spruce and honey-touched oaks are warm under his feet from the sun, and a sign and a small banner proclaim the country’s name in front of his face. Wilbur is so happy to let the ‘L’ roll of his tongue as he says it, ‘Manberg’ was harsh and too guttural, but the two extra syllables make it something that could fit on a melody, a four-note beat he could set the pace of his unbeating heart to.
The citizens of New L’Manberg track him with cautious eyes at first, until Tubbo changes his eyes to slightly sad ones, listening along to Wilbur’s rambles, warming up to the truly soot-grey sight of his face and sunshine yellow of his ever-present sweater. The rest of the population soon follow, laughing at Wilbur’s strange innocence and telling him what he’s done with only a little bit of spite in a pitying mask and fixing their mouths in a line when he suddenly forgets what he’s doing or stares into space or laughs at nothing.
But all the people who get sad when Wilbur starts laughing after shock-still silence are dumb.
Because Wilbur’s not laughing at nothing.
one-shot, complete.
a ghostbur fic from quite early on! it includes references to wilbur and schlatt’s older videos/smp experiences and has a super interesting take on the nature of wilbur’s amnesia i enjoyed this fic a lot ^^
east of eden series by subwaywalls
Philza protects his home.
(An angel with a singing blade of fire guards the gates to paradise.)
two one-shots, one ongoing multi-chapter fic.
READ IT READ IT READ IT. the eoe series is exquisite in both content and presentation, centering around sbi and the powers they all respectively have but also bringing in people like grian and dream, and subwaywalls is a master of packaging her words ever so delicately to create an experience that is ethereal.
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please do make a list of Korean Isekai you’ve read, I’ve been wanting to get into them more 👀
And the word has been spoken
I was going to use images for each but tumblr only allows 10 or them 😑. Imma list all isekais/re incarnation webtoons that I personally recomend, a note though that last night I actually opened just a few more tabs with new ones to read so I may give this list an update later lol.
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Long list bellow!
Doctor Elise
Not exactly my best recomendation seeing I kind of dropped reading it but I still go back from time to time. Main character is currently on her 3rd re incarnation and set on being a surgeon and making use of all her knowledge on earth. It's actually really interesting! Reason I dropped is more related to the romance, but that is simply out of my own personal preference and I don't consider it bad at all.
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The Justice of Villanous Woman
Also dropped but it was actually because I missed too many updates and now I need to re read it jajdjxkwhdjskaj, it's not a WOW story but it's good, specially since the main character is pretending to act like a villainess (two faced on purpose) against the ACTUAL villainess who was just pretending to be nice. It was a really good twist.
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La Dolche Vita di Adelaide
This one is actually completed! And it's really good too!! The female lead is very assertive and the male lead is one or those that can be pretty shy lol. It's a really nice read.
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Reminiscence Adonis
Badass female lead that I would gladly let step on me. It's really good but I also dropped due to missing too many updates lololol. The main character and the male lead basically flirt with each other all the time later in the story it's ridiculous l o l o l o l.
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The Abandoned Empress
Though I dropped due to it not being my cup of tea it may just be yours since although not my preference I can't deny the story is actually good. Female lead was done so much wrong to her in the past and is trying to change her destiny even against God.
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Survive as The Hero's Wife
One of my favorites big time!!! Female lead is amazing and male lead is so. damn. cute I can't even. Also ART????? It's so damn pretty. Female lead re incarnated inside a novel, she makes a REALLY good use of all her knowledge.
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They Say I Was Born a King's Daughter
Not gonna lie this is just one I read to pass the time. Entertaining enough though the story itself is, ???????. It takes a while to get used to the art style. Though I only find it mildly interesting, it can be really good to someone else. And I really cannot say that this one is in any way bad because it absolutely isn't. Prepare for frustration directly related to strong mysoginy though.
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The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke's Mansion
Another one I dropped because I missed too many updates jshbdcjshejcksjenfoskjfjoa but it's really good and the main character basically takes to shit. Her main goal is scape death.
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Miss Not-So Sidekick
This one is a very comedy centered one , I dropped due to the fact because updates are pretty damn slow I ended up loosing the track of the thing, what I am doing now is waiting for it to basically end so I can read it all in one sit. It's actually pretty good and the art style is very unique!
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Suddenly Became a Princess One Day
ALL TIME FAVORITE OH MY GOD WITH EVERY UPDATE I LOSE ANOTHER YEAR OF MY LIFE SPAM. Just, just give it a go. The art is BEAUTIFUL, the characters extremelly well made, and the main character is just fucking great I love her.
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I Was Born As The Demon Lord's Daughter
Another one I dropped due to slow updates that caused me to lose track;; But it's actually good! And the autor did the thing many don't do in these stories: have the main character actually be someone and give her a story that actually becomes reason of many of her actions and feelings in her current life. Also soft good Dad uvu.
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The Emperor's Companion
This one was too frustrating so I ended up dropping but I can't deny it's good so I will recomend it. To wake up in a body of someone who was supposed to have a lot of responsability but has been in a coma basically all her life which resulted in her underlings going ape shit under corruption and now that she's awake she gotta fix it.
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The Villainess Reverses The Hourglass
ANOTHER ALL TIME FAVORITE AND THE ART IS SO GOOD TOO. The main character is NOT pretending to be a villainess, she is straight up made of wrath and spite and is set on ruining those who ruined her first in her previous life.
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The Duchess With an Empty Soul
So. Damn. Interesting!!!! The way the main character is portrayed wasn't something I have seen many do, and she's a badass!! Male lead is a good man uwu. Also it's one of those with 'marry me but don't expect love'.
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A Stepmother's Marchen
One 👏 More 👏 Favorite 👏 the art is BEAUTIFUL, the characters are WELL MADE, and I just LOVE the interactions between them, be it from interactions I want to punch one of them in the face to interactions where I just am in love. Also OLD PEOPLE ARE DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY. The art in this one is just BEAUTIFUL and I really can't even-
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Beware of The Brothers!
Same creator as Suddenly Became a Princess One Day, only this one is actually deal with a lot more, serious (?), subjects in which one(just a single one) of them was the reason I dropped. But in fact, said subject is currently being really well fucking written, so although not my cup of tea, it definetelly deserves a chance.
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Beware of The Villainess!
I KNOW many of you know this one and I KNOW all of you also love the female lead, the blue werewolf, the *cough* lesbian *cough* heroine and the maid. I love them too. It's a REALLY good one and it also is one of my all time favorites. Be ready to want to kill some guys though lol.
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Lucia
Just- just read it. It's GOOD. And recent updates just started going deeper. Please. It's good, I promise-
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The Evil Lady Will Change
It's also pretty damn good and also has the thing with 'marry me but don't expect love'. Both female and male lead are actually pretty good guys but their reputation was twisted so now they are seen as villanious like in public eye.
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Priscilla's Marriage Request
Powerful female lead that is set on avoiding the outcomes of her previous life. But of course, once one manages to change the course of the previous story a new one starts, and in that new one she won't have her previous knowledge for it. Also she has a crush on the male lead ever since her previous life l o l.
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This is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage
Female lead is quite oblivious and the male lead only becomes better with time. The female lead may throw a few tauntruns but they're never annoying. I really like this one.
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I Became The Villain's Mother
Also dropped because of slow updates, to be reborn as the mother in a family of villains and trying to give them the love they lacked. Both father and son and little shits.
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The Villain's Saviour
Though the fact that the female lead cries way too much is a bit annoying, the story is so damn interesting. Male lead is basically a literal psychopath. The drama is off the charts too, specially since this one also makes use of Soulmate Marks.
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Beatrice
One more on the list of dropped because of slow updates so now I am waiting for it to basically end so I can read it all in one sit. The fact she is insekaid is only shown at chapter 4 nsksjxksnekxjasfo, it's a good one though.
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IRIS - Lady With a Smarthphone
Although I wish they would have actually focused more on the fact that she has a phone and put it to more use, it's actually a really interesting story in which the female lead is aiming to destroy everything related to all the pain she faced in her past life, and she is being very through with it.
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The Youngest Princess
Badass female lead re incarnated in the same world so it's not isekai but it's very much re incarnation. Family interactions are great in this one lolololol, female lead is really good as a character. I have re read this one quite a few times though it's still very much only on the beggining of the whole thing.
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The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes
Came for the isekai, stayed for the female lead's obsession with tea to the point you could make memes about it. Poor male lead losing his position to TEA. It's in all honestly one of my all time favorites and though it is very focused on tea, it's very entertaining as it deals with other subjects too. It's so amazing how some problems were actually solved with tea. Very recomended.
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Chitra
When you are reborn in a world that of all game functions it has decided to be GATCHA. It's really damn good though and the art is hella great, extra plus for comedy material lololololol.
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The Villainess Lives Twice
Female lead is very particular, she isn't nice but she isn't necessarily evil, her actions are pretty manipulative due to it being all she has ever known and she uses herself as a mere tool to have others achieve their goals, automatically achieving her own goals. I just find the way she works really interesting as she goes against those who ruined her in the past.
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A Capable Maid
Not really isekai nor re incarnation but I felt the need to put it here due to the fact that not only it is great but also due to the fact that the female lead had visions of several times in history that has helped her in many tasks.
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A Returner's Magic Should Be Special
Now I'm not sure if it's korean but I love it so it's here. This time we have a male main character, it's really damn good and I read it all first in one sit. Main character went back in time before apocalypse right after he just destroyed the cause of said apocalypse in the future. Now he is aiming to avoid the apocalyspe alltogether and make sure his loved ones stay alive and well this time around.
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The Pet of The Villainess
This one is so damn interesting, seriously. It destroyed so many too often used tropes in these kinds of webtoons and its PERFECT. I seriously recomend it just from the fact it takes a completelly different approach to many now "cliches" in these kind of webtoons.
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Please Throw Me Away
Another interesting one, male lead is a huge puppy in love with a distrustfull cat female lead. Her family is shit and I would pay to have them destroyed. Have I said the male lead is a huge fucking puppy.
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Actually, I Was The Real One
When you are accused of being fake and sentenced to death only to be told by the fake herself that you were actually the real one all this time. Main characters has no socializing habilities and it's cute lol, she is doing her best. This time she is making sure to try to avoid the same ending, and searching to know why she was brought back in time.
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I Became The Hero's Mom
This girl took stanning to the next level and decided that no, since now I have the chance I will make sure my favorite character grows up as a happy child being loved and smiling instead of suffering. Male lead is the dad and he is so fucking great.
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A Young Lady is a Royal Chef
This one is pretty centered in food as the title says, it's pretty new so the story hasn't gotten a chance to fully develop just yet but it's still interesting enough to keep me hooked.
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When The Villainess Loves
B O I, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO LOVE IT BUT I DID AND HAVE RE READ IT MANY TIMES AND I NEED MORE UPDATES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Anyways this can actually manage to hurt your feelings with "fake angst" and I give kudos to that lolololol. The male characters are killing me seriously, they're too cute, then too hot, then too cute, THEN TOO HOT, BUT THEN S O C U T E-
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I've Become The Villanious Empress of a Novel
Also one fairly new to the point the story hasn't fully developed yet, I really like it solely for the fact the female lead is now on the road to fix the bullshit around her. She's also a badass I would gladly let step on me.
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Shadow Queen
A big FUCK YEAH to this one because the main character deserves it. After dying to a very thought out plan and even having her son killed, she is now planning on turning the tables and ruining the ones making the plan from inside. She is amazing and I love her pls read.
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The Lady and The Beast
Honestly this one is both comedy gold and angsty at the same time the mix of feelings makes me go jshejdhsowjebfoshexiwnnfso, it's so hella great though, it's also basically new but it has developed it's story quite a bit.
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This Girl is a Little Wild
And to finish this list on a gold but sad key, this one is also one of my all time favorite, the female and male lead are adorable and ridiculous together and I love them, the main character is so likeable and the plot has so many puzzles but, rumor says the original creator has dropped this, thought it is sad I hope said creator is okay, even incompleted it's still a really damn good read.
#korean isekai masterlist#made while half asleep sorry for typos currently fixing akdjxaiwnfaidnxioa
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I binge watched Arcane League of Legends and now I’m a little obsessed. I keep on thinking about a what-if AU idea and how it would change the story
Basically I’m just completely replacing Jinx and inserting an OC. And I’m going for a morally dark gray kind of world. Like, heavily injured dove: not recommended to eat.
Vander stumbles upon a little girl who is being drowned by some boys. Obviously, that makes Vander think about what happened with Silco. He scares the boys away and goes to help the girl. We see the girl’s face is in seriously poor condition: the boys also carved it all up with an eye completely ruined. I’m thinking ‘open wound gets messed up from the toxic water’ was a known thing in Zaun, and the boys thought in would be funny or something.
Flash forward and we see Vander adopted the girl. They call her Pretty to be ironic. She’s the loner sneaky trickster type and isn’t well liked by the other kids. Mylo, and Clagger openly are mean to her. They accuse her of always trying to screw them over. Vi is nice to her per Vander’s request. Of everyone, Pretty is closest to Vi (but that’s not saying very much).
Vander has guilt about betraying Silco and is trying to save Pretty as a way to make up for it. But he doesn’t really understand her, so he keeps a rather hands off approach and hopes having Vi as an older sister will do the trick.
By the way, the scars on Pretty’s face are ghastly and clearly never healed right. It unsettles people. She’s very self-conscious about it and hides her face with her hair and by not looking directly at people. Vander makes sure no one talks about it, and also she’s quite private so not many people know.
Vi properly abandons Pretty with no qualms because the two were never super close to begin with.
Silco does a doubletake seeing Pretty’s face for the first time. Him hugging her has even more weight because he clearly understands what she’s going through. Silco gets her on a level that no one else has before.
As a teenager Pretty is generally a conscientious, responsible, and serious person. But also, she shamelessly cheats and uses shortcuts, she doesn’t follow orders when there is a better way to do it, and she has a dry, witty sense of humor. In addition, she can be very insecure and have crippling anxiety and mental breakdowns.
What could be pointed out as arguably weird is Pretty and Silco have a lack of physical boundaries that could be considered normal with a little kid but not so much with a teenager. She still climbs into bed with him when she gets nightmares and cuddles in his lap. Also, he says things like ‘you’re beautiful’ and kisses her where one of the scars is bad. I want to iterate that there are never sexual actions between the two. But since Silco is usually quite sharp/cold, him being soft/warm might come off as verging on romantic.
Pretty is Silco’s most competent and notorious agent, and is largely considered the number two. She takes advantage that her face looks scary. She has a public reputation for being sly, calculating, and ruthless. Pretty devises schemes and is an expert with demolition, chemistry, and engineering. Sevika handles the main thug work.
Vi coming back is troublesome. She tells Silco she’ll ‘take Pretty back and erase whatever fucked up brainwashing, child grooming shit he’s done to her’. When Vi talks to Pretty to try to make her leave Silco, about how Silco doesn’t actually care for her and is just using her, it feeds right into Pretty’s insecurity and anxiety.
Vi is doing this to respect Vander’s memory (his dying wish was for Vi to take care of Pretty), to get back at Silco, and because she thinks she’s in the right. However, Pretty is arguably better off with Silco compared to how things were with Vander, and it’s proven that Silco genuinely cares for Pretty, even more than the cause he is fighting for.
Vi’s side: your relationship with Silco is fucked up, I can save you, leave him and come with me, I can get you the help you need to get better
Silco’s side: there’s nothing about you that needs to be fixed, you’re perfect just the way you are, she doesn’t understand and value you like I do, I would never abandon you like she did
By the way, Pretty has a Birmingham accent as a kid and then mostly loses it growing up. She was born in the same area as Silco. I headcanon he grew up with a Brummie accent and then worked to lose it. Yes this is inspired by peaky blinders. And no I won’t explain the logistics for how this would work. What is important is that Pretty eerily parallels Silco.
Also, Pretty’s doodles are kawaii-like. Clean lined, aesthetic, cute.
Pretty is assigned by Silco to steal the hextech crystal to weaponize it. A large public diversion is made in order to sneak in, no casualties.
Pretty goes with Silco to meet the chembarons, who question Silco’s plan with the stone. They were happy with the way things were before the border got shut down and don’t think his plan is worth losing this much money. Both Pretty and Silco are unbothered by the toxic gas stunt, so the chembarons look particularly silly.
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The Long Kaz Rant I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Write, But Here We Are
This is probably an unpopular opinion. And I hope it doesn't come across as confrontational or anything because I don't mean it that way. But I've always been super confused by the way Kaz is accepted, basically across the entire fandom, as either morally gray or straight up villainous? He doesn’t really seem like either of those things to me. On a surface level, obviously there are things he’s done that are normally considered evil. He’s stolen, he’s killed, he threatened a child, he gouged out someone’s eye. And that’s all pretty bad, right? But it completely ignores the context given in the books. (More after the cut because this got too long...)
There’s a difference between doing something evil and doing something that’s shocking, “dark,” or difficult to watch.
Before I read the books, I heard fans discuss all the horrible things Kaz does. And the way people talk about him, I was expecting him to be… Feral Kaz – someone who delights in doing horrible things because he’s just so twisted and angry. The author herself even referred to him on her blog as being utterly despicable. Wow! This guy must really go out of his way to hurt innocent people, huh? So when I sat down to actually read it, I was so surprised. Most (if not all?) the killings were done on some level of self-defense. His “murder victims” were actual evil people trying to kill him or someone he loved. And the reason he threatened a child was because the only alternative was killing her – something he would never want to do. You know, because he’s not evil.
I don’t know if I just have very different definitions of these terms than most people? But to me, the idea of Kaz being “utterly despicable” should not even be on the table to begin with (Leigh Bardugo, you good?) and even the idea of him being “morally gray” is questionable.
When I think of a morally good character, I don’t think of someone who never does anything questionable or always perfectly makes the correct choices. I think of someone who is on a mission–either to protect the world, a loved one, or simply pursuing a personal goal–who at least tries to conduct his mission in a way that either does no harm to others, or (when that’s not possible) does as little harm as necessary to get the job done.
Whereas, when I think of a villainous character, I think of someone who has no regard for others at all. Someone who either relishes in harming the innocent, or pays zero consideration to whether he harms innocents while pursuing his goals (which are usually, in themselves, harmful to innocent people).
And finally, when I think of a morally gray character, I think of someone directly between these two. Someone who is a little bit evil, a little bit sadistic, but not entirely evil. He’s got a few good points too. Maybe he’s someone who keeps switching sides, unsure if he wants to be a hero or villain. Maybe he has hurt a lot of innocent people unnecessarily, but he joins in with the good guys for personal gain, and people don’t mind him there simply because he doesn’t interfere with the protagonist’s goals. Or maybe he’s the “Bad Cop” to someone else’s Good Cop: someone who uses more violence than is necessary, just for fun, but still helps the good side in some capacity, so everyone chooses to look past it.
Under these definitions, Kaz (to me) seems more like a good character. While pursuing his personal goals, he protects people he loves, and yes, he does do “dark” things. But he doesn’t relish in doing them (despite his reputation in-universe of being a chaotic sadist. His reputation is not accurate; he invented it for his own protection). He does them because he has to. If he can get the job done right without hurting anyone, that’s the route he’ll take. But that option isn’t always available. And he’s not the type to lie down and die just to avoid getting his hands dirty (nor should he, imo).
Again, maybe I just have a different idea of what constitutes being morally gray. But I always thought it was meant to be a judgment on the choices you make when you actually HAVE a choice? A morally gray character has the choice to be good or evil, and they choose to do both (which one depending on how they feel that day).
Whereas, if you do something “bad” because circumstances force you to do it–because you or someone you love will die otherwise–that’s pretty much the same as having a gun to your head. You’re not morally gray. You’re doing it under duress. It’s survival, not a reflection of where you stand on moral topics. Like, if you trap a vegan in a room with only a piece of meat, and you leave them there for days, weeks, that person doesn’t suddenly become a “fake vegan” if they eat that meat to avoid literally starving to death. You forced them to do it. When it comes to their moral beliefs, they would still be a vegan if they had the freedom to make that choice. You just put them in a situation where those choices aren’t available to them. Your lack of freedom in a situation shouldn’t define you.
The same can be said for placing a starving, homeless orphan boy alone in the dog-eat-dog world of Ketterdam. The option of being a sweet little law-abiding citizen is not available to him. So is it really fair to define him by something in which he had no choice?
I’ve come across so many GrishaVerse fans who, while sipping on their Starbucks in the comfort of their own home, go “Ugh, Kaz. He’s so DARK, so EVIL!” (Fun fact: while my mom was watching the show, she said Kaz is evil because “he seems to always have a plan.” Oh no! Not PLANS!) “He must be some kind of monster to be able to do the things he does and still live with himself! I could NEVER do those things!” Well…you’ve never actually had to do those things? Your life has never depended on it? Idk, to me, it’s just a very privileged take. And I’m not trying to make this into a big social issue. It’s not like criticism against a fictional character is anywhere near the same level of importance as the issues marginalized people are facing in real life. I’m just saying, it’s very easy to condemn activity you’ve never been forced to engage in for your own survival.
One of the biggest reasons people have given me for why they think Kaz is evil is that he is “for himself.” Even the author said she thinks Kaz is worse than the Darkling (who, I’ve gotten the impression, she believes to be irredeemable) because the Darkling has communal goals (he wants to bring positive change for other people/the world at large) while Kaz’s goals are just personal (he wants to bring positive change for himself and only himself). And for one? It just isn’t true: many (if not most) of the things Kaz does is either for his Crows or for his late brother; he just disguises it with supposed self-interest for the sake of his reputation. And second? It’s…not actually wrong to have personal goals or to act in self-interest. Bettering your own life is a valid desire. It’s not the same as being selfish. Not everything you do has to be for other people.
(And, tbh, this is something Leigh Bardugo seems to have a problem with in general, not just in this scenario. I could write a whole separate rant about other characters that were demonized in-narrative for engaging in “too much” self-care, and how her unforgivingly black and white morality ruined the Shadow and Bone trilogy for me. Worst of all, she even seemed to imply recently that the only reason real-life antisemitism is wrong is because “the Jews didn’t fight back”? [Like, if they had met her criteria of “fighting back”, would that make antisemitism somewhat justified to her? What? Idek, but she should really clarify.] Basically, she seems to take “non-selfishness” to an extreme. I don’t know her personally, I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t have anything personal against her, and I’m not trying to get her cancelled or anything, I promise. But please, when you read her books, please don’t accept all her ideas at face value, because there’s some Weird Shit™ in there sometimes.)
Anyway, another reason people say Kaz is bad or morally gray is that he wants revenge. “Revenge is a bad coping mechanism! You should want JUSTICE! Not REVENGE!” And again, this argument is wild to me. I mean, yes, there are situations–especially in real life, modern, western contexts–where revenge is a bad coping mechanism someone has developed, and transforming their anger into a desire for justice is a way for them to overcome that and express their anger in a healthier way. But that’s a very specific scenario. When we’re talking generally, the line between revenge and justice is a lot thinner than people think (and in some scenarios, there is no line at all).
For example, real life victims and their families often say they can’t wait to see the perpetrator rot in prison, even wishing (sometimes even fantasizing) that the guy gets abused in prison by fellow inmates. For them, justice and revenge are wrapped up together in one big court-issued sentence. And while some people find that disturbing or take issue with it, it’s…generally considered valid outrage? This guy is evil and hurt them, so it’s okay for these people to want him to suffer. And most importantly, these people called the cops instead of taking matters into their own hands, therefore they’re Good, right? They’re good citizens who obey and rely on the established authority, therefore they are handling their anger in an Acceptable™ way?
But in the world of Ketterdam, if someone has victimized you, or is trying to kill you or someone you love, you can’t just call the fucking cops (and let’s be honest, looking at irl cops, it’s a questionable idea here too sometimes). If we’re analyzing Kaz’s outrage and how he handles it, we have to analyze it in the context of where he lives, not where we live. We have options in our lives that Kaz doesn’t have. So we have to ask, what are the most productive steps he could realistically take in his world?
I see activists and bloggers on websites like this, publicly fantasizing about gouging the eyes out of certain politicians and right-wing figureheads. And they would probably do it for real if they could. On Tumblr and Twitter, this is generally considered righteous anger. The politicians are evil, so it’s okay to hurt them, right? That’s how the logic goes, anyway (I know some will disagree, but it’s a common take here). Well, imagine if, instead of just being a bigot, one of these evil people personally stabbed–possibly killed–your girlfriend. And there were no cops to call, no news stations or social media to turn to, to show people what this guy did. No authority or community on your side. No way to ensure this guy faced consequences for his actions. There’s just you, your dying girlfriend, your helplessness, your anger. What would be the appropriate way to handle this situation, so you were acting out of justice instead of revenge? What does “justice” even mean in a world like that? It’s a world where either you hurt others or you lie down and just let others keep hurting those you love (which, in itself, would be evil). I can’t think of any “appropriate” response Kaz could take. Which, for better or worse, is probably why he just went for the eye. You probably would too in that context. Are you morally gray? I doubt it.
It’s really weird to me how people seem to hold Kaz to this high standard of absolute Moral Purity, but they don’t hold other characters to it. Like, was the dad on Taken being “feral” or “morally gray” when he told his daughter’s kidnapper that “I will find you and I will kill you” and then pursued him with fury? His motivations were personal and not communal. He was coming from a place of revenge, just as much as justice. But most people consider him a hero. He’s not controversial or “dark.” There are plenty of other heroes who do terrible things (sometimes to innocent people! Even when it’s not even necessary!) for the “greater good” or just because it’s convenient. People call them a “badass” and then turn around and say Kaz is just “bad.” Idk, it just seems really arbitrary the way people draw these lines.
If we’re expanding the definition of “morally gray” to include anyone who’s ever done anything questionable, made a mistake, been forced to do something they wouldn’t normally do, done something for personal reasons instead of for the world at large, or wanted revenge for something, then there literally are no heroes in fiction (except maybe a few cardboard cutouts) or in real life.
(Ironically, the most morally gray thing Kaz does, imo, is something most people don’t even have a problem with: the fact he runs a gambling house to “take money from pigeons.” And even that is really mild [no one is forcing the “pigeons” to gamble their money away]. But yeah, that’s one of the few instances I could think of where he actually hurt innocent people unnecessarily. That and the time, as a kid, where he stole candy from that other kid...and even that might be mostly-but-not-entirely excused by the fact he was starving to death. But yeah.)
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