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eliashirsch · 3 days

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God Tier Top Gun Fanfictions. A Masterlist. (3/3)

Part three of my fanfic recommendation! This one's for the best fics!

Winner Categories:

1. Best of the Best Authors (1/3)

2. Best of the Best Series (2/3)

3. Best of the Best Fics (3/3)

REMINDER! READ THE AUTHORS' TAGS AND WARNINGS!!!

Best of the Best Fics

Fics that shine bright as the stars. Make sure to check the author’s other works too!

ICEMAV

Kings of the Air by FabulaRasa @fabula-unica

Fighting and fucking: two things he did extraordinarily well. How could he have known what the effect would be when you combined the two?

This and COMPACFLT’s work directly inspired one of my works:) The writing quality is absolutely amazing. My favorite fics are those that have Ice returning to Top Gun and joining Mav as an instructor and this one just takes the whole motherfucking crown.

Indian Ocean. Present Day. by Jay Tryfanstone (tryfanstone)

Isolated on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Indian Ocean, cut off from any source of information about the global political and environmental disaster which has engulfed the planet, Maverick and Goose struggle to make sense of an increasingly claustrophobic command structure and failing resources on board. When a refugee helicopter is spotted approaching the carrier, its pilot could be the catalyst for an explosive re-evaluation....

This fic man. This fic. It made me fall in love with post-apocalyptic fics. The writing style, the plot, Ice and Mav and Goose. Goose, man… Oh my god. If you read this fic you know why I’m still thinking about these boys’ fates.

Rhinestone Cowboy by omnidirectional

That’s Doctor Iceman to you! Maverick bangs himself up and gets rescued by someone he didn’t expect. A Missing Scene featuring contrived situations, questionable life choices, gratuitous product placement, and shirtlessness. You know, everything you love about canon.

And it is absolutely everything I love about canon! I always love missing scenes or canon divergent. Not to say that I don’t enjoy AUs, but I love vibes like this the most where the story works alongside canon and elevates it to a whole other level. Mav and Ice and Slider feels correct.

Sleepless Nights by demiclar @demiclar / @slidersimp

Five times Maverick wakes himself up with nightmares and one time he's woken by someone else.

Fics about Mav’s grief over Goose’s death will always wreck me. This one in particular shows itself as a physical manifestation. I love love love all the guys stepping up and taking care of Mav, never once judging his pain. I’m a sucker for portrayals of the ugly side of grief.

Mal de Mer by saurora_borealis

"I thought you said you didn't get seasick, you little liar," Slider snaps. Maverick doesn't answer, head bowed, but Ice can see him shaking from here. Of all the times for Maverick to be sick, did it have to be on a night that Ice is ill too? Or: the carrier experiences some ocean turbulence. Even the most seasoned aviators fall prey to it.

This one has sort of the same vibe as the fic above. I never get tired of seeing the flyboys take care of each other<3

be my soulmate (and i'll be yours) by ChexMix

Of course Maverick dreams about finding his soulmate. Who doesn't? But he'd never imagined the possibility that it could be the Iceman. So when he catches sight of Ice's soulmark, it suddenly becomes all he can think about.

Classic Icemav soulmate AU. This is like exactly my type of angst and happy ending. Sometimes the things you’re familiar with are still the best:)

To Build a Home by LadyLanera @k9effect

Eighteen years before Top Gun Maverick, there was a home being built from ashes and ruin. When the dust finally settled and dusk fell, the house of cards collapsed, shattering three lives forever. Is it possible to rebuild, reclaiming the past in the future...when they're all hurtling towards their worst nightmare?

Goddddd. I love Mav’s character flaw in this. I love Ice’s maturity born from grief and sickness. I love Bradley’s anger and abandonment issues. I love that these three have hurt each other more than anyone ever could, but their love is still starkly present. My thoughts when I was reading this was that LadyLanera wrote their flaws so beautifully, making them human, and by doing so I understood their motivations and their actions. Amazing characterization.

all is fair (in love and war) by dulcetines (evecstasy)

oh, ice, maverick bisa merasakan hati kecilnya meringis, ice, sori banget— hollywood menyelak lagi, kali ini dengan suara impersonasi terbaiknya: “teruntuk kuncen TOPGUN, yang mana di sana kuyakin matahari belum juga terbit sebersamaan dengan ditulisnya surat ini. aku ingin saat ini juga kau bersyukur tidak mesti mendengarkan slider ngorok di sampingmu. tuhan jesus. pria ini sudah kuanggap saudara sendiri, tapi terkadang ada saja hal-hal yang dilakukannya yang membuatku ingin menggulingkannya ke laut. kau apa kabar di sana? sudah berapa pilot yang kauhabisi egonya? apapun itu. jangan mati kebosanan dulu. aku bisa bilang begini karena surat-suratmu selalu mengancam demikian. ingat kau masih hutang makan malam denganku. dan sepuluh dolar. sampaikan salamku ke bayi itik. bilang aku kangen padanya. dan,” hollywood memalsukan dehem, sambil ia melanjutkan, “padamu juga. setiap detikku. ice.” begitulah.

Hehehehehe. Now this is more for me LMAO because as you can see, it’s written in Indonesian. Finding this fic in my mother language is like finding GOLD. Again, I love love love Icemav in their Top Gun era. This is for all of you Indonesian Top Gun enthusiast *blows a kiss*

a higher fidelity by basedchamp

“C’mon.” Tori nudges him with an elbow. “C’mon. He’s cute. You can admit that one thing but you can’t admit this?” Gritting his teeth, Ice thinks very carefully about his next words. “He’s…” he trails off. “Some would say that…Mitchell is not. Unpleasant. To look at.” (Alternatively: the one where Ice and Mav learn to park bad, eat good, and love even better.)

Ice’s family, man… It’s refreshing to see them so supportive and loving. I’m guilty of making Ice’s backstory so tragic>:) But this one is heartwarming! I love the style and flow of the writing. It’s something that I want to achieve in my own writing as well, so kudos to basedchamp!

Tunnel Vision by brainjuicey (anzietyfreak) @brainjuicey

Instead of Ice biting the air in the locker room, he antagonises Mav by biting his neck, unknowingly setting off dormant Omega genes and sending him into heat. Everyone involved is forced to remain secure on base until they’ve investigated. AKA. Five Alphas, a Beta, and an Omega in heat, walk into an Air Base prison. Ramifications ensue. Alternative title, "Locked in Sex Jail With The Boys"

This scratched that specific part in my brain, man. ABO with the original cast of Top Gun? Sign me up, baby. Steamy and perfect.

The Five People You Can't Escape in Heaven by V_Evergreen

Maverick dies, but it doesn't end there. Alternately: [“Hey, kiddo, are you with me?” Maverick opened his eyes and found that he could see. He blinked in the sudden light as his surroundings came into focus. Quite literally came into focus, as though everything around him was resolving into itself as he looked, deciding to form a lawn, flowerbeds, the tree trunk that he had been leant against. The sun was blinding overhead, high noon. In the distance, hazy and indistinct, he could make out a house. It looked vague, like a half formed memory but it was familiar. Just like the man crouched in front of him. “Dad?” He croaked.]

I was reading the original book (The Five People You Meet in Heaven) and came across this fic. Which in turn made me want to write my own rendition from the same idea. That last chapter, man. It’s unreal how creative it is. A punch to the gut for sure.

(Here’s my fic if you want to read about it :) >> Estrellita)

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother by V_Evergreen

Five meetings between Thomas Kazansky and Ethan Hunt. Alternately: [Ethan heard the door click shut behind him and turned to ask after the papers when he was abruptly spun by a hand on his shoulder and pushed against the door. His first and immediate thought was that he was certainly being attacked. Kazansky had him pressed against the door, chest to chest, a hand around his wrist and then- oh. Oh no. He wasn’t being attacked at all, it was infinitely worse. He was being very thoroughly kissed. He pushed back against Kazansky’s chest and tried to think of something eloquent to say. “Um?”]

Another banger by V_Evergreen. Ice not knowing Mav has a twin and mistakenly kissing him is so funny. And the end is heartwarming as well. Love love love it.

Allies by Shearmouth

After getting shot down over a war-torn Iraq, Maverick makes some unlikely friends. They have something– a big something– in common. But all Mav really wants is Ice. Too bad he's half a world away, and even Mav can't run that on a shattered leg. Not with the infected chest wounds thrown in, at least.

Oh my goddddd. I keep being at a loss for words when describing these fics. It won’t do anyone good if all I wrote was goddd, oh mannn, it’s so goodddd. But it’s the truth. This one hits home so much. The risk and homophobia present when you’re in a place that punishes queer people for existing and being in love, how a single mistake will cost you your future. And it’s so heartwarming to see that even then, you’re not alone. Mav being helped to reunite with Ice and breaking down that since their relationship was private, Ice had to grief Mav alone. Man, oh man.

There is a pain—so utter by CurSirrr

Pete Mitchell was fine. Completely fine. He didn’t feel dizzy with denial, or an utter trainwreck of hopelessness. He hadn’t shed a single tear or cried himself to sleep for the past week. His guts were twisting and turning, squeezing and cramping. His eyes were swollen and red, and his scalp hurt from his vicious hair tugs as he tried to understand the past week. OR Three times Bradley misses the chance to say goodbye before it is too late.

Just read the summary and prepare for a world of pain:) Ice’s canon death still haunts me. Good thing he’s sleeping away in his big house that he co-owns with Mav, regularly saves his husband’s ass, have barbeque Sunday with Bradley and Jake and the dagger squad, happy and healthy:))

keeping his cards close to his chest by Serie11 @oathkeeperoxas

It's not that Lucy wishes that her boss would be more open with her. It's that she quite literally knows nothing about the man, despite Admiral Kazansky being her CO for half a decade. Or: 5 times Ice successfully hid something from his staff, and 1 time Ice revealed his biggest secret

Love seeing Icemav seen through other people’s perspective. It adds so much to the universe. Ice and Mav being their usual old married couple while everyone around them suffers. Excellent.

'til I meet you there by adiduck (book_people) @adiduck

Maverick wakes up in the snow, helmet on, entire body aching intensely and parachute still attached. It takes him about half an hour of trekking through the snow to notice that there’s anything amiss. (Or: Maverick Mitchell is in the habit of talking to his ghosts. Usually, they don’t talk back.)

Mav’s journey through the underworld. This fic is just too creative😭Always a delight to see how loved Mav is. It’s so whimsical and confusing and so great.

the ships have come to carry you home by indigofudge

“Here it is,” Carole says, bringing Mav’s wheelchair to a stop. Mav’s mouth is dry. He aches for another cup of water. “Carole, tell me something, and don’t lie to me.” “Anything, Maverick.” “How bad does he look?” Carole is quiet for a while. Then she comes around and kneels in front of Mav, taking both of his hands in her own. Her eyes swim with tears. “If I didn’t know any better,” she says, voice breaking, “I’d think he was dead.” • Or, Goose is alive when they hit the water. That's enough.

Goose survives AU!!!! Huh? This isn’t canon? What are you talking about? Of course, Goose survives and the Bradshaw family is still whole and Mav still has his family and gets to have Ice too. What are you talking about??

Swallow by wildglitterwolf

Ice is getting tired of Maverick's inability to be a team player. Maverick is annoyed by Ice's gum chewing. Ice is more than happy to get rid of it, he just needs a place to put it...

TT.TT Just… I didn’t know I like this dynamic so much…

HANGSTER

cruise control by res_judicata

Rooster’s plane goes down on a Tuesday. Jake remembers that it’s a Tuesday because he had been out grabbing a quick bite for lunch with Javy and the little chalkboard on the wall of the cafe had proclaimed that Tuesday’s special was linguine in white wine with fresh mussels. (Jake deals with grief and love)

Made me cry a goddamn river. I’ve said this before, but Hangster is one of those ships that I had trouble getting into. When I first got into the fandom back in June 2022, I strictly read Icemav, never dipping my toes into Hangster’s relationship because I never felt the spark. But as time goes by I’m starting to warm up and have read more and more. This fic is one of those where it captured my attention instantly. I knew it was going to be angsty, but still holding out hope for a happy ending (just like Jake in this story). The grief that blanketed the whole writing only made the resolution more beautiful.

WHORES IN MY BED. by pornogirl

“Jake-” Bradley’s eyes have a wet glimmer to them, the kind of wet that looks like the beginnings of tears and Jake wants to kiss him so badly. “Jake, is it loaded?” Jake rolls his eyes at the question. “Open your fucking mouth.” (Author’s notes: it's really not as bad as the tags may suggest but like. read the fucking tags!)

I’m a freak and I’m not ashamed of it:) Basically, Jake's going on about how pretty Bradley is crying and scared. If this is your kink, definitely worth the read. I don’t know if it’s because I find it hot, but I don’t get the unsafe feeling as opposed to reading other works that have noncon elements. I don’t know it feels more like it’s both of their kinks or like something they’ve discussed before but Jake didn’t warn Bradley prior. Like CNC, I guess? Anyway it’s really hot and I have not looked at my retainers the same way;)

we're fools to make war by whimsicule @baroness-elsa

In a Walmart at three am, between beef jerky and tortilla chips, with the lights flickering above them like it’s the fucking twilight zone, Bradley wants him more than he’s ever wanted anyone. or: it's a hundred degrees in texas.

This is so Jake and Bradley I’m blown away by how right they feel. Seriously. I didn’t even notice this was 66k words. The vibes, the writing, Jake’s family. Oh hell. Definitely check out the author’s other works too! They’ve got a lot of other Hangster long fics:)

cinnamon and sugar by bottledyarn

Jake was slumped in the doorway, propped up against the wall beside the door. He was a strange, pale, near-gray against the dark backdrop of his apartment, and he looked—well… “You look like shit," Bradley said. – Bradley draws the short straw and has to take care of Jake when he's sick with a stomach flu. Jake doesn't want to be taken care of.

Sigh. Jake and Bradley, man. They’re the ship that you can shove as much angst as you want and it’ll fit right in with their dynamic. They’re just so stubborn!!!! The push and pull between them is magnetic, man. I think I get why people love them.

habits by rararatatouille

Jake and Bradley come together in a series of jagged stops and starts. They fall apart in the exact same way. In which habits are hard to break, even for the people we love most.

Mannnnn. Goddamnit. I think this fic converted me to like Hangster. I think this has become canon in my brain too. I can’t even. Just read it. Words aren’t enough to describe this fic.

Days Like This by chase_acow @cowsalot

Jake's in Hawaii to lose himself after getting the Navy's first air-to-air kill in decades. Instead he finds a ramshackle diner, a cast of odd characters, and possibly the love of his life. Bradley goes to the Hard Deck to order waffles. He orders waffles. He goes to the Hard Deck to get some waffles. He goes to the Hard Deck, and who is this hot asshole acting like they know each other?

So good. A 50 First Dates AU. Jake just loves Bradley so much, man. And Bradley finally showing up in the end. Love really will make you walk miles across Earth for your special person<3

OTHERS

Other pairings, romantic and not.

Mr. Blue Sky by omnidirectional

Tragedy first brings Iceman into Bradley’s life, but he quickly becomes the steadiest presence of the boy’s childhood… until a betrayal tears their small family apart. After years of silence, can Bradley find the words to make up for lost time? Five times Ice sings to Bradley, and the one time Bradley sings to Ice.

Another one from omnidirectional. Ice and Bradley’s father and son relationship… Here’s one of the tags: Who Wants To Cry Today? If you’re up for emotional damage, click the link🫵

On Mighty Wings by PurpleArrowzandLeather @purplearrowzandleather-blog

Maverick raised geese over the years while Bradley was gone. Bradley does not know this until the flock comes home for the summer.

Short and sweet. Legend author as well. Love the geese preening Mav and Bradley sobbing while surrounded by honks. This is just too damn cute!!

Neglected by proprioception @mnstrfkr

"Do I look God-fearing to you, ma'am?" Maverick asked with a grin. "You most certainly do not," Carole said. "That's why I didn't marry you." "That and the mustache," Goose added.

Can’t forget about this GooseMavCarole fic of course! Hot and heartwarming. Absolutely amazing smut. This one sparked my brain to make a fanart of my favorite polycule. Their dynamic is just so fun!

Yearling by Fopperies , pohjanneito @pilvimarja

Alone in a cabin in the snowy mountains, Maverick is supposed to help Bradley on the path to presenting as an alpha soon. Bradley's body has other ideas.

Just gonna put this here… A different take on ABO’s biology, which I absolutely love. It’s so hot… Bradley, I feel you, honey…

Seeing a Trailer by daenabenjen42

In the aftermath of the Layton rescue, Merlin has questions.

Sighs for the millionth time. It’s so good. Again, I love the portrayal of Mav’s PTSD and grief here. And it’s not just him, but daenabenjen42 wrote about the other boys’ trauma too. I love it so much I must’ve reread this one about fifty million times.

in between what's already done by crawsley

“We aren’t doing this,” Maverick says, firmly, and he’s tensing like he’s about to move, about to shove Rooster off of him, push him away like he pushed him away before, when all Rooster had wanted was some guidance, some help, some love and kindness and— Rooster bears him to the ground, right there on the rug in the entryway.

This is legitimately one of the first, if not the first fic I’ve read from RoosMav. I still remember clearly going home from watching TG:M in the cinema and KNOWING that there were definitely going to be people who ship Mav and Roo. I rushed to AO3 straight away:D Imagine my delight when finding this one!

shake my nerves and rattle my brain by BogBeast

This wasn’t supposed to be intimate. This was about punishment, humiliation, stubbornness and spite. Not this gentle crap that made him sigh, the hand in his hair making his stomach swoop with every tug, the heavy scent making his head feel foggy, the praises making his heart skip a beat. That shit is just weird. The horrifying realization that he’s hard in his flight suit has nothing to do with it. - Mav's gotten them into a lot of weird situations, but giving blowjobs to their rivals because of a stupid bet has to be the weirdest one.

Icemav AND Sloose? SIGN ME UP, BABY!

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That’s all of it! This is my list for now. Thank you all for reading through to the end! Let me know if you enjoyed any of these fics so we can gush about them together:) I hope you enjoyed my yapping:}

My works have always and will continue to take inspiration from others. So thank you for creating stories as beautiful and profound as these, dear beloved authors<3

If you want to see my bookmark collection of all of these fics, click here >> TOPGUN (Best of the Best) While you’re there, how about you read some of my fics too?>:) EliasHirsch

(PS!!! There will be a 4th part because there are definitely more good fics that people need to know about:))

#tag the authors if you know their tumblr!#and tell me if i wrongly tagged the wrong person or input the wrong link:')#icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #iceman x maverick #top gun #top gun maverick #hangster #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun fic recs #fanfic rec #fanfiction rec list #fanfiction recommendation

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duskandcobalt · 3 days

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Everywhere, Everything: Chapter Five

Chapter Summary: On her last night in Velaris before she heads home, Elain and Azriel finally gets a chance to talk about what's going on between them.

Word Count: 5.9k

Missed the first four chapters? You can find the Masterlist for this fic here 🥰

A/N: As always, thank you for all the love on the last chapter of this fic. It's always so much fun to hear what you guys think. An extra thank you for your patience with me in getting chapter five out. This past month has been a rough one and I haven't been writing much because of it but I finally managed to sit down and finish this chapter and I'm happy with how it turned out. I hope you are too. As always, I must remind you that this is a slow burn and we must get through a heavy dose of angst before we can reap our reward. The good news is, the reward is coming very soon.

ENJOY XX

Read on AO3

The first time Elain had sex with Graysen was also the first time he’d asked her about the necklace.

It was the last week of January and he’d invited her back to his apartment after he’d taken her out to dinner at a glamorous hotel that offered unbelievable views of the city for their fourth date. She’d seen the invitation for what it was. Knew exactly what he had in mind from the way he’d lowered his voice to ask her, the pad of his thumb sliding over her bottom lip. Elain had only hesitated for a moment before she’d accepted his offer, Nesta’s voice in her head from a night years ago when she imparted some wisdom to Feyre after a particularly bad breakup, her hands on Feyre’s shoulders as she looked into her teary eyes.

“Fey, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Elain had laughed at her sister’s advice at the time but standing there outside the restaurant that night, looking at Graysen as snowflakes drifted lazily from the dark winter to sky to cling to her hair and eyelashes, she’d decided that she wanted to put Nesta’s advice to the test.

She’d spent weeks in a daze, unable to sleep as the memory of Christmas night played on repeat in her mind as if it was some sort of faulty film reel incapable of moving past a certain scene and insistent on torturing her. She had grown sick of it - sick of the guilt that consumed her for still daring to think of Azriel. For wanting him again even though she had been the one to leave.

Dating Graysen had only done so much to take the edge off, providing her a few hours of distraction each week, but she needed more. She needed to attempt to replace the phantom feeling of Azriel’s weight on top of her, the feeling of him inside her.

In a way, sleeping with Graysen had helped. She’d always liked sex. She enjoyed being close to another person, appreciated the immediate intimacy that came with having a pair of hands gripping her hips and someone’s lips on her skin. In the few times that she’d pondered what Graysen would be like in bed, she’d suspected that he would be much like the other guys she’d been with over the years and she’d been right.

His initial careful kisses had quickly progressed to deeper, bruising ones. The gentle hands that had slowly undone the zipper on the back of her dress had transitioned into firm hands that held her down and maneuvered her whichever way he liked, taking her how he wanted without taking a second to even check if she enjoyed the things he did.

Elain was used to this treatment. The rough sex. She’d come to like it - crave it, even. But every now and then, there was an occasional moment where her partner would leave and she’d be left by herself in a cold bed, thinking about things a little too long until angry tears welled in her eyes at the realisation that most of the men she’d been with felt entitled to do whatever they wanted to her. That no matter how respectful they may have been towards her or how much they genuinely liked her, they all seemed to get off on debauching a girl that was otherwise quite reserved. Graysen had been no different and because she’d always desired touch, she couldn’t help but take it however it was presented to her.

Graysen had taken the small golden pendant in between his fingers minutes after they’d finished, propping himself up on one elbow until his shadow loomed over her. His thumb had dragged over the engraving on the front - smoothing over the intricately detailed rose- before he flipped it over to study the back, turning it this way and that until it caught the little bit of dim light streaming in his window from the streetlamp outside.

“What’s the deal with this?” He’d asked her, the slightest edge to his voice. “You never take it off.”

Elain had tried her best not to freeze at the question but she couldn’t help the way her heart stopped for a split second before her heart rate picked up again, slamming against her chest like an anvil. She gently took the pendant back from him, easing it out of his grip to press it tight against her chest until she knew it would leave an oval shaped indentation on her bare skin. It was a grounding tactic, something she did to bring herself back into her body whenever her anxiety veered out of control.

What was she supposed to tell him? How could she begin to explain the necklace that she’d worn religiously every single day for the last four years? The sentimental value that such a small object held?

She couldn’t exactly tell him that every time she touched it, she thought of the hands that had made it just for her, thought of the way those same hands had grazed her skin the night Azriel had fastened it around her neck and all the things those hands had done to her the last time she’d visited home before she started dating Graysen. When she’d been propped up on Azriel’s kitchen counter and splayed out in his bed.

There was no simple way to explain that she’d never mustered up the courage to ask whether the tiny ‘A’ he’d engraved on the back stood for her last name or his first.

Instead, Elain had settled for the most honest answer she was willing to give him at the time.

“It was a birthday gift from a friend back home.”

She’d never thought that they’d get to the point where she’d have to divulge exactly who that friend was, let alone have that friend and her boyfriend in the same room together. She’d been a fool to think that Graysen wouldn’t put two and two together and last night she’d been well and truly caught out. She’d stood in front of him like a deer in headlights, one arm wrapped defensively around her stomach while her other hand clutched the necklace tight in between her fingers as if she was afraid that he’d reach out and pry it right off of her.

“Is he or is he not the friend that gave you that necklace, Elain?” Graysen had asked her once more, his lips pressed together in a firm line.

Elain had hesitated for a moment but she knew there was no way around this. There was no lie she could possibly make up to steer him away from the truth. It was plain as day who had given her that necklace and so all she could do was just nod silently and try to keep her hands from shaking.

“Unbelievable,” Graysen ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the short strands. “He’s not just a fucking friend then, is he? Didn’t seem like he goes around making jewelry for all of his friends.”

He was right. Azriel had never made anything for anyone except her. It was something that Feyre and Nesta never let him forget.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Elain took a deep breath, dropping her necklace back down and crossing her arms in front of her chest. “A friend made me a necklace for my birthday. There’s nothing else to it.”

“Did you date him?” He’d asked, his gaze unwavering as he stared her down. Daring her to try and lie to him.

“No.” Elain answered easily and honestly. “We never dated. Never even came close to it.”

Even if she’d spent plenty of time daydreaming of what it would be like to date Azriel, she’d never pursued anything more with him for reasons that were all too complicated to explain.

“But you’ve fucked him.”

He hadn’t phrased it as a question. It was a statement, his shoulders squared and his voice sure.

Elain had hesitated a second too long and she watched as something settled in his eyes that made her realise that he’d been hoping he’d been wrong and was sorely disappointed to find out that his assumption was correct.

“How many times?”

She had scoffed, shaking her head. Couldn’t believe that he would have the audacity to even ask her that question.

She’d been about to open her mouth to argue back, to ask him what number would qualify as too many times or if knowing how many times she’d slept with Azriel would affect anything, but the sound of footsteps running down the hallway caused her to pause.

She’d been saved by her nephew who had popped his little curly-haired head around the door to Rhysand’s study to innocently ask if she’d read him a book before bed.

Elain hadn’t even spared a second to look at Graysen again before taking Nyx’s small hand and allowing him to lead her up the stairs to his bedroom where he spent entirely too long picking out his book for the night.

She slipped out of Nyx’s room an hour or so later, only padding down to the kitchen to say goodnight to Feyre and Rhys, before heading back upstairs. She’d been simultaneously relieved and disappointed that Azriel had left just ten minutes before with Nesta and Cassian.

Elain had tiptoed into the room she and Graysen had taken over for the weekend, had quickly changed and silently crawled into bed, facing away from Graysen who excused himself to bed not long after their ill-fated conversation. He’d sidled up to her after a couple minutes, pulling her back against his chest while one hand slid up her stomach to cup her breast.

“Gray,” she tried her best not to flinch away from his touch. “We can’t. Not here.”

“El,” he muttered into her hair. “Come on.”

“Thought you were mad at me,” she couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped her as the hand that wasn’t circling her nipple dipped under the waistband of her underwear.

“You can’t blame me for being jealous when someone else looks at you like that.” His teeth scraped over the sliver of skin that the stretched out neckline of her shirt left exposed.

“There’s nothing to be jealous of,” Elain whispered, biting down on her lip as he turned her around and pulled her on top of him.

He ground his hips upwards, letting her feel him hard against her. “Prove it to me.”

She wasn’t particularly in the mood for this but she relented, allowing him to lift her shirt over her head before she bent down and pressed kisses all the way down the center of his chest.

This was the opportunity she needed - not to take her mind off anything that had happened that day. There was nothing that could keep those memories at bay. It was simply a distraction, exactly what she needed to hopefully keep Graysen from asking more questions that she wasn’t ready to answer.

She’d give him this, let him have her just how he liked while her mind wandered elsewhere. To a place where the hands on hips weren’t his but someone else’s. To a night that featured her fingers buried in dark hair while a pair of hazel eyes looked up at her from between her thighs. It was wrong - so unbelievably wrong - to think about someone else in a moment like that. But she couldn’t help it. Couldn’t bring herself to feel guilty as she let herself get lost in the fantasy of tattooed, golden skin sliding over her own bare skin. She was only thankful that Graysen’s hand was over her mouth to keep her quiet because if it hadn’t been, she would’ve had to fight to keep a different name from slipping out from between her lips.

One more night. She just needed to make it through one more night and then she could go back to her new city and do what she did best - pretend that the life she had in this town, and the person that she was when she was here, didn’t exist at all.

…

A few months before their wedding, Nesta and Cassian had moved to a sprawling property on the outskirts of Velaris that featured a gorgeous ranch style home complete with the porch of Elain’s dreams - one that wrapped around the entire perimeter of the house and featured a built-in swing to the right of the front door. It was picture book perfect and it helped to ease the loss both Feyre and Elain felt when Nesta moved… even if she was only a forty-five minute drive away.

Elain had always looked forward to spending a weekend at Nesta and Cassian’s. She and Feyre would pack a bag and head up to their cousin’s house where the three of them would sit shoulder to shoulder on the swing, a thick blanket draped across their laps as they watched the sun set over the mountains. If they were lucky, Cassian would bring them snacks and drinks until either bugs or the cold sent the three of them heading back inside.

This time, instead of a gossip filled car ride with her sister, Elain and Graysen had made the journey in almost complete silence. She had hoped that they’d made their peace last night but when she’d awoken this morning, it was clear that there was still some awkwardness lingering between them… perhaps at the knowledge that the subject of their argument would be sharing a wall with them tonight.

He hadn’t left her alone for even a second since they’d walked into the house to find Azriel already there, a dish towel slung over his shoulder as he chopped onions for whatever it was Nesta had on the menu for the evening. Even when she went to greet Azriel with a hug, deciding that it would be more suspicious if she greeted him any differently today, Graysen’s fingers had stayed on her back.

She remained patient with him, pushing aside the anxiety she felt at his constant proximity. She did her best to reassure him any way she could that he had nothing to worry about, all the while hoping that maybe she could convince herself of the very same thing in the process.

There had been no ducking out of his arms or dodging his kisses tonight. There had only been soft smiles and reassuring touches at all the right moments. Still, she couldn’t help that as she stood around the kitchen counter with her family - her attention had shifted, catching the subtle flex of Azriel’s forearms as he leant forward, his hands wrapping around the lip of the counter as he spoke to Cassian.

It was the smallest movement, barely noticeable, yet it triggered something in her brain that thrust her straight back into the memory that she’d tried and failed to avoid for the past few months.

Suddenly, she couldn’t concentrate on anything else, unable to tear her eyes away from the familiar ridges and veins of his hands. The heat of Graysen’s palm flat against the middle of her back faded into nothing as she remembered the taste of cinnamon and cream. Remembered the way she had once been perched on a counter so similar to the one they were currently standing around. The easy way Azriel had slotted himself between her knees, her dress rising up her thighs. The feeling of his fingers dragging up her legs until they slipped under her hem. The gentleness with which he’d touched her. She swore she could feel his breath against her neck. Swore she could hear the things he’d whispered into her ear that night.

“Helloooo… Earth to Elain!” Feyre’s voice brought her back to reality, her sister’s hand waving in front of her face as Elain’s vision cleared and she attempted to remember where the hell she was and what she was doing. “I asked if you wanted another drink?”

Elain could only nod, afraid of how her voice might betray her if she attempted to speak. It didn’t help that she was all too aware of the way Graysen watched her, blue eyes once again filled with the suspicion she’d been working so hard to keep at bay as he tracked her gaze to the pair of hazel eyes that were now staring directly back at her from the other side of the counter.

She readily accepted the margarita Feyre handed her, not wasting any time before downing half of it in one go. She’d never needed a drink more in her entire life.

…

Azriel stood directly outside the kitchen. He hadn’t turned any lights on when he’d wandered out a little while ago so it was just him, the stars, and the tiny smoldering ember of amber light flickering at the end of the lit cigarette slotted in between his index and middle finger.

He was utterly exhausted, eyes bleary as he tried and failed to link the stars together to form a constellation. He’d tried to fall asleep but he was too distracted by racing thoughts of the way Elain had looked at him from across the kitchen counter. The fleeting want that had appeared in her eyes - there and gone in a second, a lingering blush on her cheeks the only evidence that he hadn’t imagined the whole thing. He told himself it was just the margarita in her hands that had caused the sudden rush of heat to her cheeks but he knew her better than that. He knew all her tells.

That’s why it had hurt even more to see her disappear down the hallway and into her room, her piece-of-shit boyfriend in tow. Azriel didn’t know how long he’d lasted laying in bed before he’d gotten back up and stumbled outside, too paranoid about each and every noise that he could hear from the room that shared a wall with the one he stayed in each time he found himself crashing at Nesta and Cassian’s for the night.

If Graysen had been annoying at Nyx’s party yesterday, he’d been ever worse this evening because he’d scaled up the charisma and had seemed hell bent on befriending Azriel only to then become increasingly quietly irritated when Azriel made it clear that he was completely disinterested in anything that even remotely hinted at any sort of camaraderie.

He’d also taken to being even clingier with Elain. Hadn’t given her even a second to breathe all night, trailing behind her every chance he got, pulling her back into his side any time she strayed more than a few inches away. Even stranger, Elain had seemed intent on appeasing him and had stayed faithfully by Graysen’s side the entire time. She hadn’t even disappeared for a moment alone with Feyre and Nesta to talk about whatever the hell those three talked about whenever they were left alone together. All Azriel knew was that it usually resulted in raised voices, either in the form of an argument or incomprehensible half sentences interrupted by high pitched giggles as they all spoke over each other.

Azriel saw Graysen’s overbearing behaviour for what it was - insecurity.

Insecurity that came with a front row seat to the realisation that his prized girlfriend had an entire life before him. Without him. That she had family and friends that cared about her.

Azriel had a feeling Elain’s life in Meadowview revolved heavily around Graysen. They probably spent time with his friends. Went to his favourite restaurants. Did his favourite activities. He wondered if she’d managed to retain any part of herself when she was halfway around the country, isolated in a bubble with Graysen, with no real escape other than her job.

Maybe it wasn’t fair to jump to conclusions, to assume that she hadn’t been able to maintain a sense of self. He hoped for the best, desperately wanted to be wrong, but he knew her too well to know that he most likely wasn’t far off.

He wanted to talk to her about it to try and decipher for himself exactly how she was doing but he hadn’t been able to get her alone - either because she’d been avoiding him or because of the five foot ten, blonde, walking trust fund who’d been glued to her hip for the past eight hours.

That’s why when the lamp in the kitchen switched on, the soft golden glow illuminating the window over the sink, it felt like a prayer was answered.

He didn’t know exactly how he knew that she’d been the source of that light or that she’d be the one to walk outside but he knew when he turned to look, she’d be there - hair gilded by the light behind her. It was something about the gentle way the storm door creaked open, the feather light footsteps against the wooden floorboards. Something about the even, familiar rhythm of her breath.

He’d managed to get in one last deep drag of his cigarette before she was standing beside him, close enough that her arm brushed his. She reached up, lazily taking the cigarette from his fingers. She studied it and for one singular moment, he wondered if she’d surprise them both and take it between her lips. But this was Elain and so all he could do was huff out an amused laugh as she frowned, letting the cigarette fall to the floor until she could snub it out with her slipper covered foot.

“Filthy habit,” Elain muttered.

It was only then that he really allowed himself to look at her. He was thankful for the little bit of light from the kitchen lamp as his eyes traveled from her feet and up her bare legs to the hint of lilac shorts that he could only see the ruffled hem of because they were largely covered by the sweatshirt that fell right down to the top of her thighs.

It was a Velaris University sweatshirt that at one point had been black but now resembled a faded gray and included a smattering of tiny holes around the stretched out collar. That sweatshirt had been missing from his closet for the better part of a decade. She’d had it in her possession for so long that Azriel wasn’t entirely sure that she would even remember who its original owner had been. It’s why he didn’t let himself read too much into her wearing that particular sweatshirt while sharing a bed with someone else.

His eyes continued their journey upwards, over those full lips and the perfect slope of her nose. All the way up to drowsy, brown eyes and the tousled hair that he hoped and prayed was just the result of a restless night’s sleep and not the other option that sprung to mind.

Her eyes were fixed on him, clearly drinking in the sight of him just like she’d done when he’d first walked into Nyx’s party.

There was a beat of silence between them, neither of them really knowing where to begin now that they were alone together.

“Hi.” Her voice was barely a squeak, nervous and high and he couldn’t stand it. Hated this awkwardness between them. Hated that she felt any level of unease around him.

“Trouble sleeping?” He raised an eyebrow, offering her a slow, sleepy smile that he hoped would work to put her at ease.

Satisfaction settled in his chest when he saw her shoulders relax a little, at least a fraction of the tension she held within her melting into the night.

He fought the urge to reach out and touch her, to place a hand on the back of her neck and slide his thumb around the knot he knew he’d find there. He resisted the temptation to tuck her hair behind her ear so he could see her face without it being half hidden in shadows.

“Yeah,” Elain nodded. “Couldn’t get the fan to work and I need…”

“The white noise,” Azriel finished for her, another wave of satisfaction flowing through him at the first upward tilt of her lips.

“What about you?” Elain asked, her gaze still focused straight ahead. “Trouble sleeping?”

“Something like that,” He replied, schooling his expression into one that would hopefully hide the real reason he was awake. “At least it worked in my favour this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means that I’ve been trying to get a minute alone with you for two days now.”

“Oh,” she bit her lip. “Well, yesterday was so busy with all the kids and then tonight has been a lot as well…•

“Yeah,” Azriel laughed, leaning into her just enough for his arm to press against hers. It was meant to be an innocent, playful touch yet it still managed to send a spark straight down his spine. “It was the kids that were keeping us from talking and definitely not because you’ve been actively avoiding me.”

“I didn't think it would be so obvious,” Elain groaned, glancing up at him from the corner of her eye. “I was hoping you wouldn't notice.”

“I notice everything about you, Lain.” He adjusted his stance slightly, pivoting at the waist so he was turned towards her. “Always have.”

There was another second of silence as she looked away from him, nervously running a hand through her hair. “You can’t say things like that.”

“It’s true, though.” He shrugged, choosing to move on with the conversation before she could ruminate on that any further.“How have you been?”

“Thought you noticed everything about me.” He could practically hear her smirk even through the sleepy rasp of her voice and he loved it. Appreciated the fleeting moment of playfulness. Of normalcy. “Shouldn’t you know the answer?”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“I’ve been good,” Elain still didn’t look at him. Her eyes were focused steadily, stubbornly ahead. “Meadowview is good. Work is good. Everything’s good.”

“Say good one more time and maybe I’ll believe you.” He hadn’t missed that she’d neglected to mention her boyfriend.

“Funny,” she rolled her eyes. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” he shrugged. Then, before he could stop himself he asked her one of the questions that had been haunting him since last night. “Why have you never told me you didn’t like when I called you ‘Lain?’”

Elain paused, her brows furrowing. She clearly hadn’t expected that question from him.

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night… Graysen said that you didn’t like it when he called you that. You said that you preferred to be called ‘El.’”

She ducked her head, the bridge of her nose wrinkling as she looked down at her feet. A surefire sign she was embarrassed by something. “I only like it when it’s coming from you.”

He bit back a smile, rocking back on his heels in an attempt to dull the sudden rush of emotion he felt at her admission.

“Thank god.” He pressed a hand to his chest in a show of relief. “I’ve been worried that I’ve been unknowingly pissing you off for the past ten years.”

Azriel chuckled, teeth dragging over his lower lip as she turned to look at him. She gave him a wry smile and a shake of her head and though he wanted to live in this moment forever, he couldn’t put it off any longer, there were far more pressing matters to discuss.

“Lain,” Azriel let out a breath, his smile slipping into something more serious. He spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “If you’re upset or if I misread the situation that night, I’m sorry but just tell me so I can -”

“Azriel, we can’t.” She whispered, cutting him off before he could even get out everything he wanted and needed to say.

“What?”

“I can’t… we can’t talk about this.” Her voice was strained, her hands twisted in the cuffs of her sweater.

“We have to talk about it, Elain.” He insisted. “It’s been months of silence and we can’t keep going like this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she swallowed, shoulders once again tensing as she turned to face him.

“You can’t be serious,” Azriel couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice.

Even with such scarce lighting, he could see the blush that crept up her neck as she defensively crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Nothing happened. It’s fine.” Elain said, her voice low. “It was just sex. We got caught up in the moment and that’s all it was.”

“Just sex,” Azriel shook his head. “You wouldn’t have left and stopped talking to me if it was just fucking sex.”

He’d always prided himself on maintaining a mask of cool composure around other people but it always seemed to falter around Elain. He couldn’t hide from her. Had never felt the need to. This was no exception.

“I didn’t -”

“Don’t.” He interrupted her. “Whatever you’re about to say about not cutting me off or about things being fine between us, it’s absolute bullshit and you know it.”

“Azriel,” Her voice broke, splitting his name into two halves. “I shouldn’t have left and I know that and I’m sorry but I just can’t…”

“Do you regret it?”

“What?”

“Do you regret it?” He asked again, making a point to look directly at her. “Sleeping with me. Do you regret it?”

Azriel watched as she closed her eyes, one hand of hers coming up to clutch at her necklace as she took a deep breath. It felt like a lifetime before she finally spoke.

“I only regret it in the sense that I can’t stop thinking about it.” He could barely hear her over the crickets and the frogs and whatever other nocturnal creatures occupied the field around his friends’ home. “I only regret it because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

He couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t make sense of her saying exactly what he’d hoped but never dreamed that she’d go as far as admitting it. Suddenly, he didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do. It was involuntary, really… the way he reached for her. One arm extending, his hand mere inches from her hip. The tips of his fingers just grazed her sweatshirt before she stepped back, just out of his reach.

“Az.” The pounding of his heart came to an abrupt stop in his chest as he watched her eyes fill with tears. “It happened and it was good and I promise you I don’t regret it but I can’t do this. We just can’t…”

“Just tell me why you left then, Lain.” He pleaded. “Full, complete honesty. I just want to know why you left without saying anything. I thought - everything was fine when I fell asleep.”

“It doesn’t matter now, Az.” She wiped away a stray tear. “What’s it going to solve? What’s done is done.”

“It does. I need to know. I need to understand.”

“I don’t know why. I wish I did but I don’t...” she started. “I panicked and then I realised how awful I’d been for leaving like that and I thought you’d be upset.” She took another deep, wavering breath. “I thought you hated me.”

Her voice was once again so small, so timid. It shattered every part of him.

“Elain,” Azriel reached up and tugged at his hair just so he had something to do with his hands. Too afraid that he’d reach for her again. “If I were capable of hating you, this would all be a whole lot easier.”

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, tears falling faster now. “I’m so sorry that it’s like this between us but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“I just want my friend back, Lain.” He said gently. “I’m not asking for anything more than to have you back in my life as my friend. I miss you so fucking much and if the only thing that’s stopping you from talking to me is what happened between us that night then we can forget it. If that’s what it takes, we can agree to pretend it never happened.”

“It’s not that easy. You know it. I know it. It’s been months and I can’t forget it.” She shook her head. “It’s just easier this way, Az. You and me… we just can’t be friends the way we were. Not right now at least.”

“You don’t mean that, Elain.” His nails dug into the palms of his hands. “I know that’s not what you want. Look me in the eye and tell me you mean it.”

He waited for her to seal their fate. To look him in the eye and tell him that she’d meant every word. That she really wanted nothing more to do with him. But she didn’t look him in the eye. Didn’t really look at him at all. She only stepped further back, her gaze fixed on some arbitrary spot above his right shoulder.

“I miss you, Azriel. More than you know.” Her voice broke as she began to turn away from him, walking towards the door.

“Wait,” he followed behind her, his fingers closing around her wrist to stop her from reaching for the handle of the screen door.

She didn’t pull away from him this time. Didn’t try to step back. She just twisted around to face him fully, her pulse rapid under his touch.

“Do whatever you need to do.” The words left him in a rush. “ Go home, think about things. I can handle you being with someone else, I’ve done it for a decade… but please…. please don’t stay with someone that doesn’t make you happy just to prove a point to yourself or to me or to anyone else.”

There was another stretch of silence to accompany the crease that formed in between her eyebrows as she mulled over his words.

“Goodnight, Az.” She stepped forward, her chest against his. He released his grasp on her wrist just in time to wrap his arms around her waist as she reached up on her toes and slung her arms loosely around his neck. Every part of her pressed against him for a split second. It was over before it began but he felt the cool, dampness of her tears against his cheek as her lips brushed his skin just once before she pulled back from the hug.

He let her go, his fingers slipping slowly from her skin. “Goodnight, Lain.”

Elain disappeared inside the house and the kitchen light flickered off a few seconds later. Azriel turned back around, sitting down on the porch step after pulling a stray cigarette and lighter out of his back pocket. He closed his eyes and counted to sixty. When he opened his eyes again, he was right back to what he’d been doing fifteen minutes ago, before she’d come outside.

Once again, it was just him, the stars,and the dim light from the lit end of his cigarette. He didn’t know how long he stayed out there going over what just happened but he was still there, staring up at the sky and rehashing answers to questions he couldn’t decide if he regretted asking when the sun began to rise.

#elriel fic #everywhere everything #my writing #elain x azriel #elain archeron #elriel #modern au #azriel #acotar fanfiction #elriel fanfic #as always posting this and running off to bed bc im nervy hehe #it's 1:45 am and i have work in the morning why do i do this

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sirfrogsworth · 3 days

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The Curse of Artistic Vision

I think being an artist comes down to developing an image in your head and then feeling compelled to manifest it. Sometimes you are able to improve upon that image in your head. Or you end up with something different that you like better.

But sometimes, for various reasons, you can't quite make that image a reality. And I don't know if other artists feel this way, but it feels like heartbreak every time. Not quite on the level of an incident of human decoupling, but it definitely sticks with you for a long time.

Sometimes I am limited by the current state of my skillset. I just haven't learned enough and gained enough experience to take a photo like the one in my brain.

And sometimes I am limited by my body, which puts huge restrictions on the amount of energy I can dedicate to crafting a photo.

I feel my knowledge and experience has never been at the level I am currently at. I think I have the *potential* to shoot just about anything I can imagine. Which is a cool feeling. I also feel like my image editing and manipulation skills are at the highest they have ever been. Which means anything I can't do in-camera, I can achieve in Lightroom and Photoshop.

But I just don't have a lot of energy to capture photos right now. And I am very limited by how much physical effort I can dedicate to the photographic process. Which is very frustrating. I'm hoping if I build a new studio in the house that will help a lot.

In the meantime, I have this library of images I took before 2017. Many of them I was not able to achieve my artistic vision.

But... I came close.

Which means on many of these old images I can use my editing skills of today to achieve what I could not back then.

And so I have started a huge re-edit project where I go back and realize my images as I wanted them to be.

I had this idea for an image of someone in the middle of a dark forest in an open field reading a book and the only illumination was a lamp that seemed to be plugged into nothing. It popped into my head and it just seemed like a cool photo to create.

In July of 2016, my friend Ryan was visiting and we decided to try it. We even rented a big fancy 50 megapixel camera for a few days. I had never used a professional level camera and it was my birthday and I wanted that experience.

I even had this cool idea to hide a flash in the lamp so it would look like it was illuminated.

The resulting image was not anything like I had in my head. And for some reason, I edited it super bright, and you can barely even notice the cool lampshade flash trick. If you lower the exposure of the RAW file there is a well-defined circle of light in the grass, but it is hard to see in the 2016 edit.

Where is the dark background? Why didn't I underexpose the background to make it look like night or sunset? I knew how to do that back then. I totally could have crafted the photo in my head at that time.

But then I noticed I only took like 8 photos of this scene. And I *always* overshoot. I took 300 photos of a bridge recently.

Then I remembered what happened. We moved a giant rocking chair, a lamp, and lighting equipment to the middle of my neighbor's yard and by the time I was ready to take the photo, I was about to pass out. I believe it was very hot as well.

And so the above was the best I could do under that circumstance. My body limited my artistic vision. And this has been bothering me for years. Sometimes I will think back on this photo and how cool it looked in my head and I will feel that heartbreak again.

When I look at the RAW file... it is actually much better than my edited image.

Which makes me curious why I made it so damn bright. My best theory is I had a monitor that was slowly dying and I didn't realize how dim it got because our eyes are so good at adjusting, and it's possible all of my images from that era were overly bright because I was overcompensating for a dying display.

That fancy camera (Canon 5DS R) was a dream to work with. And having so many extra megapixels to play with is such a joy. People say you don't need more megapixels these days, but when you are doing high level image manipulation, having as much information as possible makes it a lot easier. Especially when making complex selections.

So, I've got a good start. I have a lot of pixels to play with. I was almost certain I could manifest my vision with modern knowledge and tools.

I'll start with the baseline edit in Lightroom. I'm not going to worry about the sky, as that will need to be swapped for my nighttime aesthetic.

The circle of light was there! It was just hiding in my bright exposure. So that's neat. And when you lower the exposure of the background, the lampshade trick presents itself as well.

At this point I was getting excited because I could see the potential. I just had to find the right sky. This one looks perfect.

Okay, it is time for the big reveal.

Did I finally get this image out of my brain and into reality?

I DID!

I don't know if people will like this or find it artistically interesting, but Ryan and I were both very happy with the new version.

Also, I think Ryan's purple shoes really steal the show.

Though I had one idea that was never in my head originally.

Should I try it?

I still haven't decided on the fireflies yet, but Ryan and Katrina like them.

I can't state how nice it was to work on a 50 megapixel photo from a full frame sensor coming from a 10 year old camera with 4 stops less dynamic range and 24 megapixels.

This is zoomed in to 100%!

And the image doesn't even get soft at 300%.

Sorry, I got caught up in the megapixels.

And there is one detail you'll probably never notice unless I point it out, but I completely rebuilt the lampshade because I overexposed it.

I always say small details add up to big results. Plus I had to use some creative problem solving to figure out how to recreate a lampshade and I always enjoy that part of the process—where you don't know how to do something and then you figure it out. Very satisfying.

In any case, my brain feels better now. I feel like I was able to settle something that has been bothering me for ages. And I am grateful I was able to realize my artistic vision—even if it took 8 years.

Here is the before and after. It's fun to switch back and forth.

On to the next photo. And it may involve a furry little orange friend.

#photography

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bloomingdarkgarden · 19 hours

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My unabridged and uninvited Bridgerton season 3 thoughts live as i binge-watched until midnight last night:

fuck this show is euphoric escapism soap opera and idk what whimsical crack they put in it but it always manages to make my heartrate go insane. My expectations were low, maybe because ive been starved for any tiny crumb of this whimsy idk but i feel atrociously fed so here we go:

colin u are acting like an instagram influencer and we all see thru u bye.

Nicola is the most stunning person on television 50 shades of aqua move over boys I'm first in line for her dance card.

I would sell my soul to satan to have a cigarette with Lady Danbury in her afterhours tea room.

ngl the resurgence of the season 1 orchestrals is BEAUTIFUL and hitting harder than the new covers.

cressida's hair needs a dedicated gallery space and im completely here for her humanization she is a ruthless sad hoe and i understand. creloise good morning.

pen and francesca bonding over being introverts>>>>

pen is the people's princess for real, bookish as hell and socially awkward until she has 3 glasses of wine and then she's real as fuck. mood.

OH MY GOD THE KISS THE NIGHT GARDEN THE SHEER STARVATION his hand on her cheek and he's looking at her like he just touched god fucking hell i had to rewind and watch three times.

Pen trying to impress Debling "I LOVE BIRDS' no she did not I spit out my wine. yes penelope yes. don't let anyone tell u you don't have game honey.

omg balloon drama lol what is this shit peak bridgerton nonsense.

benedict has the personality of a rug on someone's back patio, polite and unnecessary. the reason why his scenes are so offputting every season is because he has been depicted as Goofy from A Goofy Movie no i have not read the books but boy they are gonna have to pay me money to digest him as a love interest i swear to god.

ugh penelope is the most relatable female lead in this entire series i am rooting for her SO hard.

thank fuck lady featherington is willing to discuss penetration with her daughters they now stand a fraction of a chance of surviving the world. lady f for president.

i found francesca's placidity / passitivity about the next 50 years of her life v frustrating at first but she grew on me immensely and am looking forward to more of her screentime.

debling has kind eyes and i will be sad if he's truly jilted... bravo netflix for once again making me care about the beta characters.

this danbury man flirting with lady bridgerton hello sire you are gallant as hell, wake up lady b.

colin's entire world being ruined for penelope is actual nirvana.

THE CARRIAGE SCENE THE CARRIAGE SCENE I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING THEM I WILL NEVER STOP I LOVE THEM IM INSANE ILL NEVER STOP holy shit. colin asking if the carriage can just keep going and pen laughing because that's a gd ridiculous thing to say is peak friends to lovers i felt their friendship in that moment and im aching with it ugh they are besties with hormones GOD i will never. stop. loving. them idc idc idc.

can't wait to watch 75 more times goodnight.

#bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #unabridged ramble #polin

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lilac-hecox · 2 days

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What I Read: Week of May 20th

Okay! So, I haven't done one in a while but I've really been trying to take a lot of joy in what others creator in our fandom so I have a supersized one of sorts for y'all!

Hypothetically Yes (Theoretically Forever) by @xxmoonch1ldxx - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

Very cute and set around Shayne and Courtney's wedding but with Ian and Anthony talking about whether or not they would individually get married some day and how it sparks up some feelings. Short and sweet!

Fight like cats and dogs by ObsessedSM - Damien/Angel - Damangela

An interesting concept where Angela slowly realizes that she is crushing on Damien and vice versa. Some nice hurt/comfort and a cute support system. (Is in progress last time I checked)

Migraine by HGTV_Rerun -Shayne/Spencer - Shayncer

Short and sweet little hurt/comfort where Spencer has a migraine and Shayne cares for him at the office!

never really said that i loved you too by Anonymous - Angela/Amanda - Amangela

Little bit of miscommunication and hurt/comfort with some fluff and a happy ending! Amanda texts Angela. Angela believes it to be a drunk text.

Lorsque Nos Deux Âmes Se Mêlent by @xxmoonch1ldxx - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

Spicy fic! Super hot PWP but totally worth a read!! A bottom!Anthony as well!

off to the races (got my love jumpstarted) by Anonymous - Amanda/Angela - Amangela

Crack fic where Amanda and Angela are horses. It is still SO good and Ian and Anthony are farmers??? It's cute! We love a good crack fic!

in another life, you and me were seals by Anonymous - Amanda/Angela - Amangela

Fluffy and sweet little Amangela that is soft and makes you feel good!

always together by @ancientvamp - Shayne/Chanse - Shaynse

A sweet little domestic fic about Shayne and Chanse discussing marriage, kids, all the cute domestic stuff!

outsiders inside the home that we built by smoshbrainrotanon (I believe this author is on tumblr but I can't recall their url off the top of my head so let me know if you know!) -Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

A song!fic but also deals with the emotions of Ian and Anthony during the split and regarding Defy.

Meetings on Memory Lane by TheLoreOfItAll - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony (Again I am pretty sure this author is on tumblr so if you know let me know!)

A fic that is sort of like a retrospective on Ian and Anthony and their memories. It is being updated! Well written and I love Ian's POV especially as a kid.

my only angel by spourtastic - Amanda/Ian - Amandian

It is in progress but a really interesting idea and I am an absolute sucker for anything Amanda and Ian!

A beautiful mess by @japhan2024 - Damien/Anthony - Antmien

Anthony is a vampire and he and Damien have a toxic relationship including the fact that Anthony is hung up on Ian. I love the trope of Anthony being hung up on Ian and the resulting angst of it all!! I also love blood drinking scenes.

A classic mistake by @japhan2024 - Shayne/Spencer -Shayncer

Centered around rehearsals for the Smosh the Sitcom it involves Shayne and Spencer practicing their kissing scene. I love the fact that it is based on the live show!

You Stay On My Mind (Can't Help But Keep You Close) by @xxmoonch1ldxx - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

Spicy but based on a prompt of "I want to see all of you." and bottom!Ian and it is so sensual and hot at the same time!!!

Driven Batty by @chu-tea - Ian/Anthony -Ianthony

VAMPIRE ANTHONY! Written based on a discussion had in the quad squad server and Chu has a beautiful and familar way of writing that is a joy to read. A slow burn and stretches through the journey of Ian and Anthony's time together. In progress but so, so worth it!

Smosh in the Hunger Games by d_s_t_e - Gen Fic

A take on the Smosh Hunger Games episode but with more humor and written in an interesting script like format. In progress!

Fungi by Wydrochka - Ian/Anthony -Ianthony

The idea of Ian doing magic mushrooms for the first time with Anthony and Anthony caring for him through the trip. I've been craving this idea for so long so I'm glad to have read it!

so no one told you life was gonna be this way by spacetimeinspector - Krungle/Kevin (Ian/Amanda)

Based on the Smosh the Sitcom focusing on the scene where Krungle and Kevin almost kiss. This captures the vibe perfectly and is a really interesting concept!

be with me, alone with me by eunaseo - Amanda/Angela - Amangela

Angst and cheating but I love some good angst where it hurts in the best way possible. Amanda and Angela are in love but because Amanda is married they can't really be together.

you like that? by @bowcrary - Chanse/Tommy - Chommy - Bowcrary

Based around the Smosh the Sitcom. Insanely hot and sensual af like wow! Bottom!Chanse and a bit of a dommy top!Tommy. UGH. So good!!

Flirting With Disaster (Throwing Kisses After) by @xxmoonch1ldxx - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

A fluff of sorts where Ian and Anthony realize they like each other and there is some mutual jealousy and want on both their sides.

The Beast Inside Of Me, He Knows How To Train A Bad Dog by @xxmoonch1ldxx - Ian/Anthony - Ianthony

Spicy and based on the idea of puppy play with Bottom!Puppy Anthony and a very toppy!Ian. HOT AS ALL HELL.

Previous Weeks!

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shmooooo · 2 days

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hi isa <3 really curious on what type of dom you think the exo members are 😻👀

The way you sent this while I was going through my exo album looking for a new profile pic-

exo as doms

pairing: exo x reader (no chen, read my guidelines for info)

genre: smut

warnings: reader has a hand kink (this is very self-indulgent), mentions of degradation, spanking, edging, overstimulation, (aftercare isn’t explicitly mentioned for most of them but just know that all of them would be adamant about taking good care of you after, especially if they were rough)

word count: 851

notes: special thanks to @rose-sereniteeth for helping me! ♡ funny how we struggled with minseok and then in typical fashion his part became one of the longest 💀 i'm not super happy with this but despite having stanned exo for the past seven years, i never quite embraced them like this until somewhat recently so there's still time to figure this out - also reblogs are always appreciated!

~~~~~~

Minseok (Xiumin)

Hard dom. He has rules in place and expects you to follow them. And while he’s sweet outside of the bedroom, during scenes he loves degrading you. He’s also a huge fan of teasing and sometimes he’ll just tease you with light touches (sometimes even with a feather) for hours until you get desperate enough. But if you dare to show your impatience by being a brat, he’ll scold you and either prolong your suffering or give you exactly what you wanted but tenfold until it’s almost too much. Cleanliness and tidiness are also very important to him so I feel like he would make you fold your clothes after undressing and be very adamant about cleaning you up afterwards.

Junmyeon (Suho)

Dom. Honestly ultimate daddy dom. Everything he does is to make you feel good. Whether that is making sure you eat and sleep enough or giving you what you need in the bedroom. He will absolutely spoil you in all aspects of life but in return he expects you to follow the rules you agreed on. And while he is sweet, he’s also very strict when it comes to the rules so you better not break them or he will put you over his knees and make you count.

Yixing (Lay)

Hard dom. Have you seen what he’s like when he’s working? All focused and hot? That’s how I imagine him as a dom. He’s more of a "master" type, especially during punishments. During scenes he acts cold and sometimes even angry with you. He doesn’t smile and when he does, that is absolutely not a good sign since it usually means he will edge or overstimulate you to heaven and back. But during aftercare he does a 180 and becomes very nurturing and caring.

Baekhyun

Dom. He’s an experimentalist and probably the kinkiest out of the bunch. I absolutely see him owning a toy box with all kinds of stuff in there (mostly for you). He definitely enjoys giving directions and is generally very vocal about what he wants you to do (are we surprised). He will also tease you relentlessly, both verbally and physically - he’ll call you all kinds of degrading names (usually mixed with praise, like “my pretty little whore”) and first edge you until you beg him to let you cum and then overstimulate you until you beg him to stop. Will definitely play innocent after as if he just didn’t take your body apart at the seems.

Chanyeol

Soft dom. I feel like unless you either fuck up or specifically ask him to be rough, he’ll generally be sweeter and less strict. That doesn’t mean he won’t tease the hell out of you though. He knows you love his hands and he’ll absolutely use that against you. Whether it’s with light touches anywhere but where you actually need him or by giving you orgasm after orgasm with only his fingers because “if you like my hands so much, surely you don’t need my cock” (bastard). But just because he isn’t usually rough with you (both verbally and physically), doesn’t mean you should underestimate him. Question his authority and he will put you in your place.

Kyungsoo (D.O)

Dom. He’s a soft lover and that usually carries over into the bedroom. He loves spoiling you because he’s a simp at heart but he never lets you forget who’s in control when you’re doing a scene. He’s strict about you following the rules you two have established, and if you don’t, he will definitely make you pay for it. I also don't really see him as a toy guy? Like he has a vibrator and maybe one, two other things but he usually relies on his own body and the vibrator if he wants to make you squirm, something he generally enjoys but especially when he’s punishing you.

Jongin (Kai)

Soft dom. He will absolutely do anything to make you happy and praise non-stop (read: simp - affectionately). Buys you pretty lingerie but he’s too impatient to take it off before fucking you so he usually fucks you with it on. What he does have the patience for though is worshipping every part of your body. He almost has too much patience for that though, so you often end up whining for him to hurry up, which more often than not leads to him shushing you and pushing his fingers into your mouth to shut you up.

Sehun

Dom. He’s a sweet guy and can absolutely be down for a more light-hearted dynamic with jokes and teasing but once he's in dom mode, he changes. He’s firm and expects you to obey but he also rewards you for listening with praise. I feel like he’s surprisingly vocal during sex. He tells you what he's going to do, what he expects of you, and he wants you to respond too, no matter how fucked out you are. It just brings him great enjoyment to see you struggle to form the words he wants to hear because lbr, he’s a brat even when he doms.

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kyokutsu-sama · 2 days

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As a black clover fan, came FLOCKING to your account😭❤️ i got a req for you, take as much time as you’d like!

William, Nozel and Yuno jealousy headcanons? You could make a lil scenario if you like for each, but just how’d they act? I feel like all 3 of them would get extremely petty at one point😭 THANK YOU!!!

Hi!!! I'm grateful and I really hope you're enjoying my account❤️

It was really interesting to write for these three since they have such calm and closed personalities and it was funny to see them trying to deal with the situation😅

_____________________________

William :

William is definitely not a jealous man. He trusts you a lot and seeing you talking to other people doesn't make him uncomfortable. However, it may happen that this man has to fight against the bad thoughts in his mind when he sees you talking to another man for a long time, like when he came across you at a party where the captains and the members of their squads were together. He thought it was a little unnecessary of him to be a little jealous, but the truth is that it got to a point where his eyes started to fall on you more often than expected. Along with the feeling of jealousy, came the fear and insecurity that you might be more interested in someone else than him, due to the scar. Even after you were the first person who came close to him and kissed that mark, accepting it without fear or prejudice. He's not the type to make a scene when he's jealous, so he just came close to you when you were talking to the guy and hold your hand and stood there close to you, without saying anything. Even when he was just innocently marking his territory, you already knew him well enough to be able to read the look in his eyes and not be able to hide a little smile when you saw him jealous. You'll definitely tease him about this on the way home. "You seemed a little strange just now, is everything okay?" "Yes, why not?" He smiled, trying not to give too many signs "Nothing, I could have sworn you were jealous..." "Jealousy?" He choked a little, feeling a certain blush on his cheeks and you giggled, seeing him all embarrassed "You're cute when you're jealous, you know?" You poked his cheek and he smiled. "But you don't need to be. I love you." You kissed him and hugged him, making his heart ease and melt The captain apologized to you but you said that everything was fine and that he didn't have to apologize because he didn't do anything wrong. He was always so kind and cute. I want a William, where can I find one?🥺👉👈

Nozel :

Nozel, in turn, is more controlling of you even without saying a word. Like William, he won't say a word but his actions spoke loudly as did his look, he will make sure that his actions are visible enough and understood by both the individual and you. Like for example when you were talking to his rival, Fuegoleon, and he saw you in the background laughing with the other man and that made his icy eyes fall on you without straying for even a moment. Nozel approached the two of you and that was when Fuegoleon looked at him as he put an arm around you and returned a serious look to the other captain. You were a little surprised when he suddenly appeared, without understand what that attitude was initially about. Fuegoleon, in turn, immediately understood what was happening but just smiled at both of you, leaving the place. You looked at Nozel and saw him narrow his eyes at you a little and you couldn't help but question him. "You seemed a little uncomfortable just now, was it your rival's presence?" "I'm not uncomfortable around my rival but confident knowing that I'm above him." Nozel said, coldly as he walked and you smiled "Oh, I see...So what if he are too close to me, won't you be bothered?" Nozel turned to face you and you gave him a teasing smile, only to see him lose his royal posture "If he or another guy is near you, I'll deal with them... and then with you." Nozel whispered next to your ear and left That man's serious, low voice sent a shiver down your spine and made your knees weak. He was undoubtedly jealous and was letting it show more than he would have liked.

(Okay I'll have to write this scenario later✍️)

Yuno :

Of the three, this may be surprisingly the most obvious, even if he thinks he can't leave any evidence of it. Yuno is very reserved and very closed off. Exactly the opposite of his best friend and rival, Asta... But when faced with a situation like this, he may even be a little more talkative than usual. He always tries to keep you in his sight to protect you at all times. Yes, he has feelings even if he's not that good at expressing them in words. He was looking for you, at the headquarters, when he saw you talking and laughing with another member of Golden Dawn. It caused a "strange feeling" in him, especially when he saw that you seemed to be trying something. Even if it was nothing more than an idea in his head. He trusted you and wasn't insecure about it but, no, please stay away from her. "Is everything okay here?" Yuno asked, approaching the two of you "Yes, and you?" "Oh, nice to see you, Yuno!" The other member greeted Yuno just looking at him, with a cold gaze that followed him from top to bottom "Are you alright, Yuno?" You asked again, feeling a certain tension in the air. "Yes...Come with me, the captain needs to talk to us."He informed, without taking his eyes off the other man, who was already getting uncomfortable "Well... then I'll leave. See you later." He said goodbye to the two, a little nervous, following his path shortly after You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at Yuno, still trying to understand what had just happened. "What was that just now?" You asked " 'That' what?" He looked at you "That...You didn't take that cold look off the poor guy. What did he do to you?" "Nothing. Let's go." He turned around and you looked at him A light bulb went off over your head and you soon came to the answer. Yuno was jealous and you smiled. "Did it bother you to see me close to that man?" You asked and he stopped looking at you for a moment but only to turn around again and make his way Well, his silence was a response in itself and you just shook your head, following behind him.

#black clover #black clover anime #black clover headcanons #black clover fandom #black clover x reader #black clover x y/n #nozel silva #william vangeance #yuno grinberryall #nozel x reader #william vangeance x reader #yuno grinberryall x reader

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i-heart-hxh · 2 days

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hello! i have a question, but i dont quite know how to word it….

i like listening to people’s thoughts on hxh, because sometimes its difficult to collect my own thoughts and hearing others articulate it helps me form my own analysis. usually it clears up confusions on narrative choices, however this thing still confuses me because ive seen lots of meta which sometimes conflict with each other or infos from the show. maybe i missed something?

i dont want to link anybody because i dont want to “call them out” but its a frequent opinion ive come across, so not one person. but what i hear sometimes goes along the lines of: gon vowed to sacrifice everything to defeat pitou -> killua arrives -> despite going through with his jajanken, killua’s presence causes gon to realize he doesnt actually want at all to sacrifice everything and the vow is broken (causing him to lose his nen when he recovers from the physical toll)

i really love this reading. the scene where gon turns to killua right before the screen goes white has always been impactful and seemed important to me for reasons i cant explain. but i’m reluctant to adopt it because the way i understood the nen vow was that it was actually a condition—that gon would only use this power to kill pitou, and then per the “rules” he would lose everything as equivalent exchange when pitou was defeated. and that the reason why his nen was lost was because nanika healed him as he was—which was nen-lost. but the show mentions vows and conditions in conjunction so much sometimes the difference gets muddled in my brain, so i suppose im confused about that as well.

i guess im just asking your thoughts on killua and gon’s love for him potentially being the thing to cause gon’s vow/condition to break. i think its a really sweet idea but im not sure if the mechanics of what exactly gon did to kill pitou support it

sorry for the long ask. please have a nice day!!!!!

Hello! Great question!

So, my way of understanding it is that Gon traded all of his nen potential (meaning all of his nen he had at that time and all of the nen he would have ever had in the future) in order to achieve his adult form and have enough power to kill Pitou. By the time he had achieved that form, he was already doomed to have no nen once he used up the massive but finite amount he had, which was his whole lifetime worth. Like taking out a loan on the full amount of money you'll ever make in your lifetime and then burning it all, but more abstract because it's not money.

It very well may have killed him as well, if not for Killua arriving. Think of the cost to his body to unnaturally achieve that form and use that much nen, which is what Killua recoils at realizing when he sees Gon in that form. I'm sure this is why he ended up as such a withered husk afterwards.

Killua showing up definitely saved him, however, both because he helped him dodge Pitou's Terpsichora and in a more far-reaching emotional sense as well. I think when Killua arrived and called his name that final time, it made Gon realize that he wasn't just giving up his own future--he was giving up his future with Killua as well, and by giving up his life it was going to destroy Killua and leave him alone. Gon had steeled himself to die prior to this, but looking back at Killua's face, his expression entirely changes, softens. As a result, I think Gon holds back a bit with his final Rock and preserves himself just enough to keep his body going. Then Nanika heals Gon's body, but this doesn't undo the nen contract he made--even though his body fully recovers, he did still give up all his nen potential, after all.

(I'm very sorry for posting these pages, know that it breaks my heart to look at them.)

So, the way I see the scene, it's less about the mechanics of it, as that's relatively straightforward. Gon losing his nen was already set when he decided he wanted to give it all up in order to be strong enough to defeat Pitou. It's more about how Killua reaching Gon impacted him emotionally and made him hold back to the degree he could at the very end. Because at that final moment Killua was able to reach him at last--by saying his name, an echo of other scenes in the arc with Meruem and Komugi.

I absolutely think the intent of that scene is that Killua has become Gon's light and saved him--by showing Gon that he wasn't alone, that there was someone else worth living for, that Killua cares about him and doesn't want to lose him. Gon lost sight of that previously amid his trauma and guilt, but in that final moment, he truly sees Killua's horror and pain at what he's doing, and Gon realizes he doesn't want to leave Killua behind forever. Gon manages to barely survive as a result.

#hunter x hunter #hxh #gon #killua #killugon #gonkillu #meta #asks #anonymous #my posts #chimera ant arc #ugh it's painful examining this scene in depth #just heartbreaking #but it's definitely about how killua's love saves gon #tw: suicide

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canonizzyhours · 2 days

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i read more canyon fic than i should.

it used to be because i was interested in the actual canon edizzy dynamic some other posts here have talked about and i wanted to find good darkfic about izzy topping from the bottom. then i realized i was never going to find that and it became something i did in good faith hope that i would understand the canyon better, maybe i'd find some really good fic about their take on fanon izzy and i would finally get why they found this compelling. at this point it's something i do out of morbid fascination, i'm still trying to understand the canyon but what i keep understanding is that their perspectives are always worse than i expected.

anyway here's what i was thinking about today. at this point i can sort canyon fic into categories and there's this one subgenre that's always fascinated me - and it goes well back into the early post-s1 hiatus era - where izzy becomes a weirdly passive character who never really does anything.

you can see exactly why this is happening. the author is so immersed in canyon meta that they refuse to engage with any of izzy's canonical motivations from s1 - the craving for power, the homophobia, the fetishizing obsession with masculinity, the contempt for the crew who work under him, the cruelty, the sense of entitlement to control ed's life: they've been convinced that none of that stuff is a part of izzy's character. but when you take it all away, you end up with a guy who would never actually do any of the stuff izzy canonically does in s1. and if you gave him any other motivations that pushed him to do other stuff instead it would become really obvious this is just a completely different guy (there's several OTHER genres of canyon fic where they do exactly that and it is super obvious this guy just has nothing to do with izzy anymore). so you end up with a character who does absolutely nothing except stand around in the background of scenes gazing at edward thinking sad thoughts about their dying relationship and every once in a while the author remembers to have him say "fuckin' twats."

so i was thinking about this today and what hit me like a lightning bolt is this exactly predicted what would happen in s2. the writers wanted to redeem him in one season and since all his motivations in s1 existed to push him to be awful, they had to resolve all of them as quickly as possible. so within the first half of the season izzy had let go of his creepy psychosexual obsession with ed and belief that he should control ed's life and his homophobia and contempt for effeminacy and learned to respect others instead of needing to dominate or be dominated.

but just like in those fics, this turned izzy into a character who no longer had any real personality traits besides saying twat sometimes, or any reason to actually do much of anything at all. and since the traits they got rid of so completely defined who he'd been up to that point, giving izzy any NEW motivations or personality traits would just make it really obvious this was functionally an entirely different guy.

this is the exact reason he was so boring in 2x05-2x07. with those traits gone there is no longer any reason for him to do anything in particular. the only thing they can do with him at this point is demonstrate that his redemption arc is complete by repeatedly having him do the opposite of evil stuff he did last season, and once they've checked off every box on that list, they have to kill him off because there is now nothing else he can possibly contribute to the narrative.

it's so funny to me that if i had taken seriously the lessons i learned from reading canyon fic i would have been able to predict at the very beginning of the season, as soon as it became clear they were speedrunning the redemption, that he would be dead at the end of it. those fics showed me exactly why there couldn't possibly be any compelling reason to keep a fully redeemed izzy in the narrative.

#394.

#ofmd #izzy hands #fandom critical #canonizzyhours

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a-a-a-anon · 3 days

Text

appreciation post for Lise Mayer!! she co-wrote The Young Ones (and The Bachelor Boys book, additional material like when they did Comic Relief, etc), which is well known. but she also wrote for other things in the alternative comedy scene like Rik Mayall and Ben Elton's comedy tour (source: BBC Breakfast Time interview)! and, something I didn't know until recently: she co-wrote/wrote for Kevin Turvey! she's not credited in his television appearances, but see below for sources.

i really loved the podcast episode she did with Alexei Sayle about TYO, you gain a lot of insight into her perspective! she also mentions misogynistic treatment like being asked to go make tea when they were doing script readings, not getting invited to a big BBC party because it was presumed she'd be Rik's plus-one, and getting groped at the BBC bar. it pissed me off on her behalf and partly prompted this post.

some specific accolades/accreditation/fun facts:

Rik crediting her with writing/conceiving the Kevin Turvey non-joke "All right, biting political satire: What do Lech Walesea and Menachem Begin have in common? They’ve both got foreign names! What do you mean it’s not funny?" (x)

Alexei Sayle in Thatcher Stole My Trousers crediting Lise with co-writing Turvey: "Lise was, like Linda for mine, a vital part of Rik’s career, co-writing both The Young Ones and Rik’s character Kevin Turvey..."

a 1987 source for Lise co-writing Turvey: "The assumption that women do not write comedy scripts was one with which Lise Mayer, co-writer of The Young Ones television series, has also had to contend. She started writing for Rik Mayall’s Kevin Turvey in the television series A Kick Up the Eighties..." (x)

Rowland Rivron (comedian who toured with The Comic Strip gang and lived with Rik and Lise) in What the f*** did I do last night?: "[Lise] also had the unenviable job of standing at the side of the stage when Rik was performing, and jotting down anything he said that was unscripted. If it got a laugh, it would be woven into the next night’s routine."

the only time i've ever seen a Rik Mayall/Ade Edmondson/Lise Mayer writing credit: for a poem called Distance which was collected in this anthology! Rik and Ade seem to have acted it out (or at least a version of it) in this 20th Century Coyote performance

Rik on Lise writing TYO: "‘She discovers different things: the comedy of embarrassment and awkwardness – she draws out the cheating and stealing that goes on in the house.’" (x) (Lise also says her "favorite comedy was always the comedy of embarrassment" in the Alexei Sayle podcast)

Rik: "... Lise Mayer wrote this great scene where I find a tampon in a handbag and it's my birthday party and I think it's a present because my character is Rick, who is such a git, he didn't know." (x)

Helen Lederer in Not That I'm Bitter, writing about being on The Young Ones: "[Lise] was known to be the brains behind it all, particularly the more surreal elements…"

she and Rik chose the bands (x)

Lise: “We’d have a table read at which point we’d discover that the script ran over an hour long, and then I’d have a sleepless night editing it.” Alexei: “You did that?” Lise: “Usually me, yeah…” (she later explains they'd present the script Monday and rehearsals were Tuesday, Wednesday-so she literally had one night to edit!) (x)

facts from the blu-ray commentary tracks:

Rick's yellow dungarees in Interesting were based off a picture of Lise in a similar pair

Lise wrote an essay about the tampon joke in Interesting so that the BBC didn't cut the scene (though they still edited it)

Paul Jackson (producer) credits Lise with arguing "you are seriously telling me that we cannot refer on television to something that happens to 50% of the population for about 30 years of their life? and we're not allowed to even refer to it" to make an executive back off about the tampon joke in a meeting

Lise came up with Neil's flowerpot covering in Nasty

Vyvyan/Vivian's name comes from Lise having lived in Vyvyan Terrace, Bristol

Lise thought of the cast switching costumes in Bambi (one of my favorite moments!!) (/end of commentary track facts)

this is guesswork, but i've seen Ben Elton and Rik Mayall's handwriting and i'm pretty sure the editing/handwriting on the bottom left on this script must be Lise's, which gives insight into what/how she wrote: (x)

i feel like it's easy for people to overlook or minimize Lise's impact, something that happens to female creators far too often. i hate when women's identities are framed around their association to a man-girlfriend to Rik in this case-which was the norm whenever i saw Lise discussed in articles/books/online discussions about TYO. it's important to know she was a writer and co-creator with her own identity and (underappreciated) contributions. The Young Ones (and Kevin Turvey, and things we don't even know she goes uncredited for) would not have been the same—or wouldn't have even existed—without her!

#women in comedy are everything to me. lise was the one who did the typing to amalgamate the TYO scripts AND edited them down in 1 night...#women have to work so hard to prove their place in male dominated fields. she deserves her flowers!!#lise mayer #rik mayall #the young ones #kevin turvey #ben elton #britcom #in berserker! ade says vyvyan is named that because he and rik loved Vivian Stanshall #so i imagine lise gave the spelling? which is quite important i would say! just interesting to know the Full picture #also i reallyyy wanna know when Distance was actually written. it was collected in an anthology pubished in '84 #but it very well couldve been written before (as other works in that book were written before 1984 as well)#basically im wondering if Lise contributed to 20th century coyote sketches?? i wouldnt be surprised bc she wrote a lot for rik

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eerna · 2 days

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eerna what's going on in s3 bridgerton your posts and answers making me scared to watch on my life lmao

pls don't hate me, Colin lovers, but I was told by a friend who read the series that he's more fun and chill in the books and also i just....find Polin from even s1 is kinda uhhhhh?awkward?? cuz he's kind of unnecessarily serious and so not chill in the previous seasons?? maybe i don't see his appeal because I'm no Penny but i do not see his appeal in the show

so rn i haven't even watched it and seeing your posts is making me moreeeeeee 😶‍🌫️ it's okay give us the cringey details

Nsbysbbsb NO WORRIES!!! I have a weirdly big amount to say about this show bc I am no longer suffering as much as I did in s1 and 2. Prepare for an essay on my feelings on Polin and thank you for enabling me.

Ok so Colin. Not saying your friend is wrong bc I didn't read the book, but p much everyone I saw talking about it said Colin was very angry and aggressive in it, and for NO REASON since he's supposed to be the "calm brother". I'm glad that the show let him get upset, but never the way he was in the books/Anthony was in s2, where I legit worried about Kate's safety sometimes. Colin was my fav Bridgerton brother bc he was totally different from all the other men on the show, calm and silly and romantic.

Thar being said!!! I never ever thought of him as a GOOD love interest, and s3 only made it worse. First off, yeah, s1 and 2 do NOT show him and Pen as friends nearly enough to warrant the speed of their connection in s3. I blocked s2 from my memory bc I hated it So Damn Much so I can't 100% stand behind my words, but I don't really remember many friendly scenes with the two of them that didn't feel like he was just entertaining his sister's bestie? I remember he once danced with her, and he sent her letters from his travels, and that's it. Then in s3 we are supposed to believe Pen knows him soooo well, she sees through his tricks when no one else does, he can't stand losing her friendship when she stops talking to him. How, when the impression I got from their relationship was "oh she is clearly silly in love and he doesn't care about her enough to notice"!!!

And s3... Oh boy. Colin gets his "glowup" and becomes a rake bc Bridgerton writers would probably spontaneously combust if they wrote a virgin male lead. We see him flirt and smash other women and it is always so so so awkward. I've seen people trying to rationalize it as "Oh he is supposed to be pretending, oh we are supposed to find it cringe" but NO, he is objectified the exact same way Simon and Anthony were, and we as the audience are supposes to think it is sexy. To be fair, Pen finds it concerning but I think that has more to do with the amount of silly, vapid women constantly swarming around him. So now we are even FURTHER away from seeing any reasons why the two of them would be friends. And then we get hit with the "Colin teaches Pen how to find a husband" plot, and oh my god it is so bad, IT IS SO BAD, they have like 2 lessons across 1 episode before they are busted and stop and he literally taught her NOTHING she IGNORED HIS ADVICE AND FIGURED IT OUT BY HERSELF but everyone treats him like a war hero for taking one for the team and teaching the poor unlikeable social reject how to act. We also have the stupid scene where she is criyng begging him to kiss her because she is convinced otherwise she would die without being kissed, and he is trying to elegantly avoid it, and oh my god, I hated this, it is framed as cute and romantic but it is so uncomfortable and bad. AAAAAAAA. Anyway. Then there is this hilariously horrible incident where he saves her from a feral balloon, and if you are wondering wtf am I talking about, its because it is really bad and written like a Scary Movie slasher scene. There are exactly 3 moments that I liked, and ALL of them were bc Colin seemed very lost and desperate. First was when Pen told him they should stay away from each other after the scandal of them hanging out came out (which I liked bc if it were any other girl, some unhinged character would force them to marry, but since it was Pen they were like "Well obviously it's true there was nothing untowards happening it is just cringe haha loserrr"), and he looked like he stopped comprehending English. The second was when he was confessing his feelings, he got on his knees and looked like he was about to cry and I thought that was sweet! Well, he did mention torture which is a very ugly word to use in such a speech, but whatever. The third was after the Infamous Carriage Scene when he says something silly and the two giggle together and I was like PLEASE WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY IN S1 AND 2!!

And may I just say!! The actual Bridgerton Glowup one was PEN and NOT COLIN. In s1 and 2 you could tell she was pretty, but in s3 they made her so damn beautiful that my friends and I would go "Oh wow" several times per episode. And it's not only the clothes, they would put her in rooms where she pops out and sparkles and frame her in shots just perfectly. Idk why they only gave her 1 alternate love interest and then shot her Like That, there should have been at LEAST one more guy following in Debling's trail. Now she's the hot one in the relationship so I can't buy her desperation for Colin's approval or society's perception of Colin as a charity in any way.

With all that said. I think this is the best season of Bridgerton proper. It still isn't something I'd enjoy unironically, but at least it is neither a horrible age gap dynamic feat. SA nor a horrible disgusting juggling of sisters feat. murderer vibes. The only thing I'd say is worse than it used to be is the clothes, which are slowly creeping towards The Reign level of ahistorical and bad.

#eernask #petratherrock #eernask talk bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers

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spideyhexx · 3 days

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kit's tbosas notes

here are my notes from reading the first five chapters of tbosas <3 this includes quotes I particularly picked out/thoughts as I read! if you want to discuss anything, pls send any thoughts!

CHAPTER 1

Starting off with Coryo & Cabbage immediately made me think about the beginning of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which starts the same way, where it's making sure you KNOW he's poor.

Memories of looking at picture books with his mother...no thoughts on this, it just made me sad.

"But better off sad, than dead...," (Pg. 5) - ARE YOU SURE CORIOLANUS

"As if controlling one element of his world would keep him from ruin," (Pg. 7) - Suzanne is telling us everything right from the beginning. Tendency to obsession! He seeks control because he didn't have that for his entire childhood.

Communications Professor - Satyria Click favored Coryo and he's the TA for that class.

Coryo considers flaking over a shirt as the most relatable thing as someone who also deals with anxiety and being meticulous. More on that, there is so much to be known about him in just the first few pages, how perfectionist he is, how badly he tears himself down over image, how much he hates his status...

Tigris is so exceptionally sweet, that it hurts!

He's pricked by a rose immediately and I don't take that moment lightly, that's deeper than it comes off.

I must have forgot reaping day was on July 4th but that's insane.

"LOVE THE BANGS." - Coriolanus is a kiss-up

Gymnasium Mistress is such a silly title - Agrippina Sickle - SEJANUS IS THE TA

Pg. 17 - Sejanus and his soulful brown eyes! Josh comes right off the page as Sejanus, what perfect casting.

There is disdain and camaraderie from Coriolanus' POV regarding Sejanus. He's playing with him but he also kind of likes that?

Coriolanus' first dialogue with Sejanus is about working out.

"Ma? Was Coriolanus' place about to be usurped by someone who referred to his mother as Ma?" (Pg. 20) - Coriolanus being funny.

CHAPTER 2

Coriolanus singing the national anthem in a forceful voice, getting nods of approval over it, and immediately thinking, "It was pathetic," is the most relatable thing I have ever heard. (Pg. 23)

"his insult," referring to Lucy Gray (pg. 25)

Mayfair wetting herself from the snake.

"There was something vaguely familiar about her but disturbing about her," (Pg. 25) - more than just the circus memories he has in this moment.

Sejanus immediately calling that Lucy Gray being chosen was rigged is so interesting to me? The fact he picked up on that out of anyone.

"Don't cry," - CORYO

"Coriolanus wondered if, like him, they were hoping she'd keep singing," (Pg. 29) - he's already in so deep

"But his brain had developed properly; at least he hoped it had," (Pg. 34) - funny coryo

The entire scene of Highbottom insulting Coriolanus is much sadder here in the book than in the film due to the sole fact of what happened before. Coriolanus so badly wants pie, even thinking about getting two slices and after Highbottom insults him, Coriolanus just wants to leave the Academy, he completely disregards how much he wants to eat after he's mocked. Also Coriolanus not knowing why Highbottom hates him? And thinking it's the nickname the students call him. Interesting.

First the threat of losing his apartment, then the lowliest tribute assignment -- who, on further reflection, was definitely crazy..." (Pg. 36) - I actually thought he was gonna say something nice here for some reason.

CHAPTER 3

"As you always say, your roses open any doors," (Pg. 38) - he never forgot this.

Remus Dolittle - Game-maker in training, who lives below Coriolanus

"She was terrifying really. And here he was in his uniform, clutching a rose like some lovesick schoolboy, hoping she would -- what? Like him? Trust him? Not kill him on sight?" (Pg. 39) - thought this was funny.

Coryo waited three hours!!! He felt a mix of pity and revulsion at the tributes.

Coriolanus believing his gravelly voice from not speaking for hours had a nice maturity to it (Pg. 42)

Lucy Gray calls him gorgeous.

He clocks Lucy Gray 'performing' from the get-go (Pg. 42) - and on that note, Lucy Gray feels so much more mysterious in the book since we're inside Coriolanus' head, she comes off as like an enigma and I really do love the discussion of how she is using him almost as much as he's using her. Of course, Coriolanus has worse moments than in regards to her, but she is performing for a lot of this.

I like the change that he sneaks onto the truck in the movie instead of Peacekeepers giving him permission.

"He remembered she carried snakes in her pocket and the usual rules didn't apply to her," (Pg. 43) - funny Coryo

In the truck scene with the tributes, I think the film had better lines (dialogue), especially from Coriolanus

He's a pampered poodle!

"Coriolanus resorted to the one move that had yet to fail him in schoolyard scuffles, driving his knee up hard into his opponent's crotch," (Pg. 45) - okay 1, WHAT SCHOOLYARD SCUFFLES WAS CORYO GETTING INTO and 2, I like that they took this out from the film because it would characterize him more on knowing how to fight at least somewhat but I feel like it strengthens what happens when he kills a tribute in the arena to not see him be violent in any regard beforehand.

"After Lucy Gray's wink, it might be worthwhile to stay," (Pg. 47) - CRAZY, OKAY CORYO!

CHAPTER 4

"HIS GIRL," (Pg. 49) - he's so possessive immediately

"Who were all these people hanging around on a weekday at the zoo? Didn't they have jobs? Shouldn't the children be in school? No wonder the country was such a mess," (Pg. 49) - Coryo continues to be funny

"All the faces...began to blue...his limbs felt numb, his lungs starved for air...he felt immense relief that he was not entirely alone...," (Pg. 49) - This whole section is so key in his character and his immediate liking/trust to Lucy Gray. First, he goes into a panic attack over the situation, and she's the one to ground him and calm him, which we learn later he usually calms down at night with his mother's rose powder scent in the compact and it's just making me think about how he misses that presence or a presence that can ground him and Lucy Gray does that without him even asking.

Coryo felt a spark and a burst of charisma from holding her hand AND she gripped his hand like a vice despite her outward appearance being so calm and confident (Pg. 50)

Lepidus Malmsey - Capitol News

"tried for likable with a hint of roguishness," (Pg. 53) - okay, Coryo

"He thought the combination of cohorts and unceremoniously had just the right note of superiority," (Pg. 54-55) - thinking of himself as superior to the Peacekeepers and also showing his perfectionism even within what words he chooses. He's so pretentious.

Io Jasper adored Coriolanus

"the smell of formaldehyde triggered his gag reflex," (Pg. 55) -wrote this down because I'm a teen boy/j

Coriolanus watched Gaul melt the flesh off of a rat at NINE!!!

Boa Bell is the sweetest name for a cat, I'm in love. She loved Coryo!!! And consoled him :(

"it upset him to think of Boa Bell ending up in the lab," (Pg. 58)

Coriolanus remembers Lucy Gray's words about owning it to help with talking to Gaul and Highbottom. She's so in his head already.

"Coriolanus would have to review the Academy student guide so he could object to the punishment," (Pg. 61) - he's so anxious and particular and insane

CHAPTER 5

he and Lucy Gray were the stars...okay Coriolanus!

"What was Sejanus up to? Was he trying to outdo him and steal the day's thunder?" (Pg. 63) - Coriolanus!!!

Also "that girl wasn't even his tribute," (Pg. 63) - referring to Dill. Sejanus trying to hand out food to anyone. This is such a good way of characterizing him as being sympathetic towards all of them, not just Marcus.

"His dog in a fight," (Pg. 68) - Coriolanus is referring to Lucy Gray here...he's so contradictory because he does make comments about knowing they're not 'animals' and he treats Lucy Gray as a normal human, but then his thoughts reflect more of this! The way he doesn't question it though is a testament to how it's been drilled into his head.

Coriolanus broke his denial of eating after seeing the ketchup in Lucy Gray's sandwich

He gets flustered after openly admitting to Lucy Gray of not having much food at home!!! I feel like the film lost out on so much character for Coryo in regards to his relationship with food because it is so important in almost every chapter. Also, him admitting it this quick to her is another point in showing how he's gained trust for her so quick. He calls himself an idiot over telling her.

"but this caressed his brain, calling her from the depths," (Pg. 71) - referring to Lucy Gray's song as it reminded him of a song his mother sang, then Coryo goes into the backstory of her death. There really is a connection between the love his mother gave him and his relationship with Lucy Gray.

he smells the rose powder when he has trouble sleeping :( this was all such a sad passage to read but especially, "it never failed to calm him with the memory of how it had felt to be loved like that," (Pg. 71) - Like that's very tragic.

The entire conversation with Sejanus, I'm still thinking about it but. It's clear Coriolanus is manipulating his own thoughts with how he sees Sejanus' actions, like Coriolanus almost can't fathom Sejanus is saying/doing things out of the mere goodness of his heart. And if Coriolanus does believe that, he sees it as stupid. And he sees Sejanus' actions as not being grateful for what he has. So at the end of it, Coriolanus is just jealous and spiteful.

"Lucy Gray was one thing belonging to Coriolanus that he [Sejanus] would never, ever get," (Pg. 75) - absolutely wild thing but this goes back to what was said in chapter one!!! Coriolanus wants to be able to control something and add into it what he feels towards Sejanus, it's amplified right now because he has the ability to deprive Sejanus of what he's asking for.

#kit talks #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #thg #coriolanus snow #suzanne collins #sejanus plinth #lucy gray baird #tigris snow #president snow #coryo snow #hunger games #thg series

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merakiui · 19 hours

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MERAAA AHH YOUR WINTER WOES !!! And I thought I was devout to Azul.. 🛐

Okay; Let me start thinking how I can articulate and express my feelings about this fic.

#1 The dialogue. You HAVE to understand, I was kicking my feet up, giggling so much. The way you incorporated Jade's down bad behavior into his thoughts which slightly differs from his dialogue- AH ┻⁠┻⁠︵⁠ヽ⁠(⁠`⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠︵⁠┻⁠┻ I LOVE IT !!!!

#2 Deception. YOU REALLY CAPTURED JADE'S PERSONA HERE. His mildly hidden deception > < ) Oh the chokehold he has on me rn cause of ur fic!!! Bro was lying straight from his gaping serrated maw 🫶 And it was perfect! I was jumping up and down every time I saw the contrast in his thoughts and words, I can not STRESS the fact that I ended up laughing so heartily on that scene where he straight up lied to MC about the possible pregnancy; You're way of story telling and build up is so 👌✨ *chef's kiss*

#3 The interaction. Between Y/N and Jade is so 😩👉👈💗💓💘 Surprisingly, this is one of your most gentlest Jade in the Jade multiverse and it was certainly a treat. I feel like I was just fed a full course meal for free. Definitely an unforgettable experience (⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) I mean, as IF Jade would ever let you forget about what happened. THE BANTER ?!?! The banter. Golden. MC's genuine concern vs Jade's hornybrained desperation (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Yummy !

#4 Jade. Of course. GOSH, I wanna sit here and yap to you all about how startling soft and sappy this made me. Which really shows how amazing your writing issss!!! Who else can spread Jade propaganda like this but you 😔 Azul Nation stay strong ! ୧⁠(⁠ ⁠˵⁠ ⁠°⁠ ⁠~⁠ ⁠°⁠ ⁠˵⁠ ⁠)⁠୨

Anws I'm scared of absolutely bombing ur inbox so I'll stop it here > < ) Like Jade, I also still have some self control. Take care of urself <333 Ty for the fic !

- I can't choose an emoji; A garden flower.

( ≧ᗜ≦) AAAAAA THANK YOU SO SO MUCH, GARDEN FLOWER!!!!! Please never be scared of bombing my inbox!!! You can yap as much as you want!! I'll always be grateful to read your words!!!!! <3

I'm so happy all of those aspects of the fic were enjoyable!! I wanted to try my hand at writing another version of Jade who is soft and sweet. Writing from his pov is so fun, especially when he's in his mating season and is so very desperate and down bad. >:D as someone who is also very dedicated to Azul Nation, I fear Jade is trying to creep his way into my heart...... more than Azul!!!! >_< truly, we must all remain strong for tako!!!!!!

I really can't thank you enough for your kind words!!! I loved writing this type of Jade, and I think his relationship with the reader is very cute. Reader who is genuinely concerned for him contrasted with Jade's own one-track horny brain. I had fun writing all of his moray behaviors!! The gaping maw and the need to hunt an absurd amount of food for you in order to provide for mate. orz aaaaa his rizz is questionable, but his heart is in the right place (mostly ;;;; he's still lying about a few things, but that won't matter once you're knocked up).

I think a Jade who is vulnerable like this is very wonderful. He plays submissive just to better manipulate you, but it's difficult to tell where the line between act and truth is. <3 what a menace...... orz

#sweet messages #garden flower anon

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rosescarlette · 2 days

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Ngl this kinda gave me an idea to create a modern au scene.. SO HERE IT IS!

-------------🔸------🔶------------🔸-----------

-> UNO! 🔸

It was a rainy day and you were getting bored.. so you decided to play uno with zhongli.

-> modern au

-> Fluff

---------------------------------------------------

"Ugh why is it so boring.. nothing to do.. THIS IS KILLING ME AHHHHH!"

"Calm down now dear. It's raining isn't it peaceful? Besides you would always be on.. that thing where there's a uhm.. glass?- and uh.."

"Smartphone zhongli"

"Ah yes, that. Apologies I am still not getting used to modern tech. So why don't you use it like you always do?"

At the end of the sentence you could swear he was irritated and spoke with mockery and he had a stern face at the end of it and went back to reading his newspaper on the couch.

"Is that mockery I hear?"

"Why yes darling it is. You've.. always been using that device.. but never gave you precious time management to me.."

You could see at the end of it.. he was quite saddened that you don't spend time with him.. this immediately brought your brain an idea.

"Alright how about we play UNO to make up the time I didn't spend with you?"

Now his curiosity has risen. And he looks at you, side eyeing.

"Really?"

"Yes! You'll have fun! Trust me!"

"Alright fine. I cannot absolutely refuse my beloved anyways."

He smiled and kept the newspaper aside and sat on the couch.

"Hm.. Let's play in your bedroom!"

He was a bit surprised at the sudden place change but he doesn't mind. After you both went to the bedroom.. you remembered something.. YOU FORGOT TO BRING THE UNO CARDS!! you immediately went back to your room sprinting to grab the cards. When Zhongli heard the movements at a fast pace and he immediately became alerted. He then decided to look for you. That's when he chuckled as he saw you searching for the cards in your bedroom.

When you find them, they're in a very high place.. you sighed.. you never remembered that you kept them there... then again you can't remember what you had for last night's dinner so it's not surprising. So you tried to reach them by jumping hoping you could get them at least.. When you suddenly reached them you were happy. That's when you came back to your senses after focusing on getting the cards, Zhongli was holding you like a child so you could reach the cards easily.

He smiled at you, while you were embarrassed and immediately jumped out of his arms. He was confused.

"Can you give me a warning before you hold me?!"

He could still notice you being flushed and you were always flushed when Zhongli shows you affection.. you love him too much and he loves you back.

"Alright dear. I'll try to give you a warning before I do something."

He gave you his signature smile. And you both went back to Zhongli's bedroom. Always neat, tidy and.. expensive. The shelves always contain history books or expensive perfume bottles and his signature eyeliner.

You happily sat on the bed and zhongli sat opposite you. And you opened the pack of cards. And explained the game to Zhongli.

He had a tough time trying to understand the rules but he got it correctly after 5 times so it's okay!!!!!

So you decided to have a match.

"Alright grandpa! I challenge you to win against me!"

"Hm.. alright dear.. I accept your challenge. But what will I get for my prize for winning?"

"uH"

"Dearest please don't call me a grandpa.. I am only 6000."

"Zhongli but you are a grandpa.. you're old."

"Is that so.. since I am older.. then you should respect me and give your grandpa affection he needs."

You hadn't come this far.. you thought he'd dent because it was his first time playing but anyways you'd still tease him calling grandpa and sometimes he teases you back treating you like a child. You decided to answer him with a smirk.

"Hm.. how about all the kisses and cuddles you want?"

Zhongli was surprised. He was happy and was determined to win at all costs.

"Hm.. such a fascinating deal.. alright I accept this offer."

While you both were playing zhongli were playing.. it was an intense match. you had noticed that zhongli had reached one card and while you immediately decided to-

"UNO."

you could tell he was smirking and was very proud while holding his one card. You sighed and placed your card.

"A.. plus 4?.."

He gave you a stern look and this time you were smirking and you decided to put down another card..

"Another plus 4?!"

You kept smirking and laid down another card.

"A wild card?"

And then you laid a plus two.

Zhongli said and he was saddened. He couldn't win to get your affection, he spoke in a disappointed tone.

"I humbly accept defeat."

You were happy and jumped out of the bed in happiness. When Zhongli saw you happy his sadness slowly disputed seeing you happy is all he needed. And he slowly let a smile. He wants you to be that same child-like person forever. And he will do everything for you to just stay that way.

"Alright dear. You win. How about a re-match hm?"

"HAH. Sure grandpa I'll get another win."

After another round of intense match.. zhongli won.

"And I win. Hopefully you won't back down on your contract my dear."

"Hmph. You're lucky my luck has run out."

You spoke sarcastically. You did that on purpose. To make him win so that you could see the smile on his face. You wanted to gain some affection from him too anyways. Then he suddenly wrapped your waist close to him and laid you down on his bed and immediately started cuddling you.

"My dear.. on my request please do play honestly. I do not want you to lose just because you wanted me to be happy.. You know I do not like people being dishonest."

He spoke with a sharp tone at the end.. and you apologized.

"Nothing can ever go through you can it?"

"Absolutely my dear."

"Alright. I wanted some time with you anyways."

"it's alright I knew."

"HUH?!

"ZHONGLI WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!"

He never answered your question and only kept on cuddling you. And if you keep asking he would shut you up every time with a kiss so be sure to take advantage of that.

#genshin x reader #zhongli #zhongli fluff #zhongli x reader #zhongli x y/n #zhongli x you #genshin characters x you #genshin morax #rex lapis x you #rosescarlette #rosescarlette's diary #genshin fluff #fluff

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brutal-nemesis · 16 hours

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big question!! dude can we please see a scene in the AU where castys has his tongue cut off and he has to deal with that? like man, the shock and the pain and the fuckin grief? and neteri just being herself ofc

anyway the latest erebus chapter was heartbreaking you’re so good at being awful to these lads (i can’t stop reading)

Thank you I try,,,,,

Okay strap in fellas I think this is banger as hell I had a great time and let me know if you have any other requests for the AU!

Ingredients: shockingly, tongue gets cut off! some suffocation as well

Castys wasn’t great at sitting in chairs normally, something his parents had always reprimanded him for, but, hey, they’d never taken it as far as to fucking tie him to one, and Castys was grateful. This shit was uncomfortable. Like, yeah, the rough ropes around his wrists and ankles were tight and itchy, but also the position just sucked. Not that he’d rather be standing or something-

“You must be Castys!” The door had swung open, and now this little lady with a white coat on was walking up to him.

“Yes, I’m Castys,” he said flatly as she scurried behind him before coming back without her bag. And then she just…stared at him. Castys wasn’t sure what she was looking at, since there really wasn’t much to see, just, like, him. Eventually her eyes wandered up to his, and she jumped in place a bit.

“Oh, right, I’m Neteri.” She stuck her hand out like she expected him to shake it.

“You know I’m tied up, right?”

“Ah. Yeah.” Her skin was dark enough that it wasn’t immediately obvious that she was blushing, but Castys was pretty sure she was. She ended up awkwardly grabbing his right hand and shaking it a bit. “I, um, I’ll be preparing you for this afternoon. Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Well, you’re not tied to a chair so I think you’ll be okay.”

She laughed. “You’re right, you’re right, but I’m just…I think I’m going to do something I’m not supposed to do.”

Castys raised an eyebrow. “Let me go because I’m funny?”

Neteri rolled her eyes, but she was smiling, so clearly she did think he was funny. “No, you’re staying put, sorry bud. But I think I’m going to keep you. You’re kind of perfect.” She tried to cup his cheek in her hand, but Castys leaned away, staring at her with wide eyes.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” His mouth was really dry all of a sudden, he wasn’t perfect, he was a fuck-up, a useless heir, that had been his goal, he wasn’t good at anything he was supposed to be good at, he wasn’t well-mannered or polite, he had a huge fucking scar on his face and a lopsided smile because of it, he was filthy and vulgar and didn’t have any interest in getting married he was absolutely anything but perfect. So why the hell did she want him?

“It’s not important right now. You’ve got a big day ahead of you!” She clapped her hands, dismissing the subject entirely. He wanted to press her further, but after seeing the lovely object she pulled out of her pocket, everything else was forgotten.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Aw, what are you gonna do about it, Castys? I thought you were tied to a chair!” Great, now it was his turn to feel his face grow hot, because, yeah, what the fuck was he gonna do?

Normally, he doubted he’d immediately recognize it for what it was, but today, right now, after just being told this lady wanted to keep him, it was instantly clear. And Neteri was right, he was only able to squirm uselessly and lean away as she wrapped the collar around his neck without much trouble. His first swallow after she’d sealed it shut felt horrible, and he absolutely did not want to get used to it.

“See, it’s not so bad. It looks cute on you!” She ruffled his hair, which only made Castys more uncomfortable.

“I don’t want to be cute. I’m not a fucking dog.” He wasn’t sure whether the collar was part of Neteri’s weird desires or just to humiliate him, but either way he hated it.

“No, you’re not, but you’re also not a prince anymore, and you’re the property of the Xernan Empire, and this is a good reminder of that,” Neteri said as she walked around behind him, probably to her bag. Castys rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to be reminded that he wasn’t a prince, since it was his favorite new development in all of this. Unless…unless it wasn’t just a reminder for him, but for everyone else, too…He really, really hoped there wasn’t going to be some sort of public display, but given how Neteri’d said he had a “big day” ahead…fuck, that was probably the case, huh?

“Now, I’m going to…oh, I might get in so much trouble for this,” Neteri muttered as she stared at the floor, standing in front of him once again. She had leather gloves on, which would have been nice earlier when she was touching him, and she was holding…a pair of shears? He didn’t think she’d put on gloves if she was just going to cut his hair, and given that she thought she might get in trouble for it, it seemed like she was going to…maim him somehow. Castys curled his hands into fists as Neteri slapped her cheeks with her palms, still talking to herself. “No, I’m going to do this. I deserve it. It’s not that far off from what the emperor wants. Okay,” she held the shears up and gave Castys a concerningly bright smile. “Any last words?”

For once, Castys didn’t take the opportunity to speak.

Instead, he locked his jaw shut tight, teeth clenched so hard it hurt, lips pressed together, walls of protection around his tongue.

That’s what she wanted, wasn’t it?

Neteri cocked her head, watching him. “Nothing to say all of a sudden? No jokes?” Her smile disappeared as her eyes narrowed. “You figured it out, didn’t you, Castys? What I’m going to do to you.”

He didn’t bother nodding.

Neteri stepped up to him, her knee on the chair in between his legs, leaning over him, her face right above his as he craned back to avoid her. “You’re going to have to get used to obeying me, Castys.” The cold metal of the shears rested on his cheek. “So open your mouth.”

If there’s one thing Castys was good at, it was disobeying orders.

After a few moments of neither of them moving, Neteri pinched Castys’s nose shut with her free hand, not saying a word. Fine, he could play that game. Hold on as the pressure in his chest built, as his head started to spin, as his vision started to darken, every fiber of his being screaming at him to just give in to the inevitable and take a breath. He could do it quick, a little gasp, fast enough that she wouldn’t be able to do anything. Okay, three, two…

The exhale was shaky, but it was fine, just a quick inhale as he snapped his mouth shut-

His teeth scraped against metal, the sensation sending shivers down his spine.

Neteri stared at him with a detached coldness as she rotated the shears, forcing his jaw open wide, wide enough for her to stick her hand in and grab his tongue, pulling it out despite his attempts to pull it back, turning the shears to the side now, opening them up, the cold blades-

Snip.

Castys’s mouth was hot it was burning he was choking the smell of blood was so strong he was suffocating on it her hand was still in his mouth her fingers pressed against his wound magic piercing through his jaw he’d scream if he had the air and then that was it her hand was gone he lurched forward coughing and spitting blood and saliva all down the front of the threadbare shirt he’d been given and once he saw the discarded little piece of pink flesh on the floor he couldn’t look at anything else he couldn’t believe that was it it was gone it wasn’t in his mouth his mouth was empty there was only the blood still dripping out and when Neteri laid a hand on his back he wanted to growl at her not to touch him but he couldn’t he couldn’t say anything anymore he was quiet nothing to say no thoughts or opinions of his own just how his parents had wanted him-

“It’s alright, Castys, just breathe. It was a little more difficult than it needed to be, but you did it.” And why did it need to be at all? “Just two more things left today and then you can rest. And then hopefully…” Her hand slid up, resting on the back of his neck, on that awful collar, and Castys wanted to scream. He never, ever wanted to belong to her.

But what he wanted didn’t matter anymore.

Castys was dragged out and whipped and branded and left out on display, brought back and patched up by Neteri and given soup that he couldn’t taste, and when the door slammed shut behind her, he finally allowed himself to cry.

His back and chest hurt, of course, the wounds aggravated no matter how he moved or what position he laid in, but he could deal with it. It was nothing compared to what he’d lost, the little pocket of empty space inside his mouth.

Words were all he’d ever have to really fight back, complaining when he was forced to do things he didn’t want to, scaring off all the suitors his parents picked out, jokes keeping him calm when he was scared or upset, even when he couldn’t do anything he could still say something, make sure everyone knew how he felt, and now he was more helpless than ever before and he couldn’t say a single fucking thing.

He didn’t even know where he was going to end up, either sold off to some asshole or left in Neteri’s clutches, and no matter what, he wasn’t going to be treated like a person. The collar made it pretty clear. He was less than human now, a pet, a lab rat, property, something that didn’t need to have thoughts or opinions anymore.

He’d rather be a prince after all.

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump @blackrosesandwhump @fanmanga1357-blog @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@hearse-song @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen @galaxywhump

@starnight-whump @his-unspoken-words @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg @pumpkin-spice-whump

@painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad @befuddled-calico-whump @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen

@whumpedydump

#i wrote something #whump-in-the-closet #thanks troy this was super fun!#castys & terror au #castys #neteri #whump #tongue whump #the best part about writing this was i just copy pasted some of neteri's dialogue and actions from e&t ch2 lmao #i missed writing her tho fuck :(#i know it's my own fault but still (┬┬﹏┬┬) my girl #and then castys is easy as fuck to write yippee #by the time wick asked me about him getting his hair cut i had already written the beginning of this #and i didnt really know how to work it in 😔 so just know that if he had longer hair and it got cut it would have made him very happy #and probably lulled him into a bit of a false sense of security #castys deserves a collar at all times tbh he is a feral animal and i need to pull him around by the neck #plus he looks soooo good with one on especially if it's red (it's black here tho 😔)#god neteri being threatening to him is so sexy #and then no more tongue HAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MISTER STUPID COMEBACKS #NOBODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOU #just be a good little test subject from now on (he won't)

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