#to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah
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i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.
hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:
when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.
for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.
the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !
i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.
i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.
life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.
i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.
and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.
#the really ironic thing#is that the less i care what people think of me#the more friends i have#the more i get along with people easily#19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying''#but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend#i was trying NOT to be ME#i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me''#to a decade later being like#'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone ''#it was true about food too#i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way#if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly#but im now in probably the best shape of my life#and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole)#bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING#bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead#do you know how weird it is#to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah#like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc#to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky''#some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication#and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve#im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me#it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD#anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3
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the TAPE WOMAN INCIDENT is as follows. under a cut because this is a LONG ass ride
okay so to preface i need u to understand two things
1) i live in the middle of nowhere. i personally live in the middle of a CORNFIELD and it takes me fifteen minutes to drive to where i work and even that location is pretty non-notable. i work on the weekends and it gets pretty dead past 6 pm
2) i had a coworker we’ll call Sheldon who was one of THE worst people i’ve ever met. the most unbearable obtuse cishet white gay guy you can imagine. like “lesbians get too much rep” kind of guy. would follow you around WHILE you did your job stocking shit and talk your ear off to hear his own voice . beyond that he was super weirdly violent. he’d make up stories about himself to sound cool but instead of being like “yeah my dad works at minecraft” he’d make up stories abt himself beating the shit out of people and like. wrenching their hair out.
if anyone else said these things to me i’d be scared shitless but i knew i could take him in a fight but it was still fucking WEIRD. talked abt wanting to hurt a higher-ups kids and he STILL wasn’t fired for that (eventually got fired later thank god) but he constantly did things that were borderline like. budding serial killer behavior ON TOP OF being unbearable to work with and constantly stealing my sales to make my numbers look bad
so. one of my coworkers had to leave early bc she was sick and i was given an ultimatum. i could either A) close alone for the very first time and be by myself for like two hours with no prior warning OR B) have sheldon come and close with me. of course i picked the former with NO hesitation. i figure yeah this is a scary and sudden happenstance but also if i had to be around him any longer id freak the fuck out. plus im like it’s like what. 5pm already? it’s not gonna be bad. i can deal w this.
so i’m sitting in the back alone and relaxing and whatever. i did everything i needed to do for the rest of the night earlier and since nobody was in the store i was just new boot goofing. the only thing of note that happens is that these middle school age boys come in and buy perms and leave. they will be back later
i go back to the back room and i’m enjoying myself when i hear the door ding so i go up to the front. in comes the omen: a woman in a tank top, coated in orange spray tan, with a bedazzled cross necklace. she’s the normal amount of annoying for any given Customer Interaction. HOWEVER
i go to cash her out. and i’m waiting for her to press a button on the card scanner but i don’t get the chance to be like “hey you need to do this for me to even start scanning your shit” because she begins telling me about an experience she just had
she goes “well. just so you know, i saw a woman in this parking lot, and she was sort of peering around into people’s cars, and she came up to me- and her face was ALL taped up.” so at this point im thinking like. gauze?? medical tape??
and she continues- “and she wanted a ride. so i said, okay, and i let her into my car. and she wanted a smoothie”
(i have to interject here to say there is NOWHERE to get a smoothie near me. i have no idea what she’s talking about)
“so i took her to the smoothie place. she also had a BIG bag of carrots, and she wanted them to put the carrots in there. so they did, but then she decided she wanted them to remake the drink because they touched the carrots. anyway, i decided that was too much, so i had to drop her off. i let her go at starbucks, so, you know. if you see her, BE CAREFUL.”
okay so let’s unpack this. FIRSTLY i have had a woman made up to me. this is completely unbelievable from start to finish. i have no fucking idea what she’s talking about . SECONDLY: BE CAREFUL??
so i’m just like. sure this might as well happen . and i’m just like “ooh. um. haha yeah okay” and finally get to scanning her shit. and she goes to leave and stops at the door and her face falls as she STARES at me and whispers:
“i don’t know if you believe in this sort of thing, but i think god is watching. ALL the time. and i think he really, really wanted me to give her that smoothie. but i just COULDN’T do it.”
and she fucking leaves . so i’m just left there like 🧍 and i go sit back in the back. and im chilling out back there when i hear the door ding, so i go up and i’m greeted by the perm boys. they forgot some stuff they needed, so i’m like. ok cool no prob, heres what you need. while i’m helping them i hear the door ding again, but i’m helping the perm boys, so i figure i’ll finish with them and then see who came in and what they need.
we go to walk up to the register and someone’s facing away from us in the aisle. so i’m like “oh um excuse me! just gotta sneak past ya” and the Person turns around.
the tape woman. imagine if you will a lady with her ENTIRE HEAD wrapped in duct tape like the INVISIBLE FUCKING MAN. with a hole cut out in the duct tape for her mouth but NONE FOR HER EYES . there’s a single tape hole right next to her nose that she’s using to look out at me and in order to see me she has to lean all the way back to look at me with it . ADDITIONALLY she is carrying a fucking DUFFEL BAG that’s OPENED and filled with LOOSE BABY CARROTS
so while my heart takes a fastpass route straight to my stomach i am faced with a MYRIAD of realizations:
FIRSTLY the tape woman is fucking real. the omen i was given not even an hour earlier had come to pass and she was now in my store. SECONDLY i am the only person working. i can’t even look at anyone and be like HEY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON because my only witnesses are the goddamn PERM BOYS and THIRDLY i have to act like her head is NOT in fact covered in duct tape because like. i dont know what the hell is going on i think if i react in any way i will be in danger
so the tape woman scoots out of the way and i check the perm boys out. and they BOOK IT out of the store . so i am now left alone with the tape woman
and i’m like <:) ..... do you. um. need any help with finding anything? and the tape lady turns around and she points at a bottle and goes. “is this shampoo?” and i’m like “ohhh um no that’s color sealer. this is shampoo here” and like. despite looking 100% like she was going to axe murder me she was one of the nicest people i had dealt with all day. she was just like “oh okay! thank you”.
and she asks me how much is so i tell her and she’s like oh alright. i only have five bucks on me right now so i’m gonna go into the parking lot and see if i can find any money. and i felt bad because like. i was going to offer to pay but the registers don’t let you cash yourself out if you’re ringing on them so i was just like “oh! alright!”
so she leaves and comes back a minute or two later and she’s very nicely just like “oh um don’t worry about it, i’m not gonna get anything today. have a nice night” and im like oh you too! and she leaves. and i watch through the front window as she goes to leave and this guy gives her like 20 bucks . so i’m thinking “oh she’s gonna come back and buy it right”
she comes back into the door. and stops in the doorway and she says to me
“um, don’t worry about it, actually. i’m not gonna get that right now-“
and she lowers her voice before going:
“because i have to pray. and if the prayer turns out RIGHT. i will come back. and i will buy it.”
and she LEAVES without a second word. did not even see her in the PARKING LOT for the rest of the NIGHT . i have asked MULTIPLE PEOPLE who work in the same plaza if they encountered this lady and NOBODY HAS. i asked the people at STARBUCKS and they say they haven’t ever seen her. my ONLY witnesses are these middle schoolers trying to get perms. i have been thinking about this at least once a day since the event has happened. i haven’t even seen the first lady who warned me about her since. i think i was contacted by spirits or something
tldr two separate women channel god in a beauty supply store in the middle of country bumpkin nowhere at 7:30 pm while i closed alone
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Cyberpunk 2077 is both cool and hilarious to me. Some Nobody, an ordinary kid (that would've died and their glory would've ended on a junkyard without even getting started) gets this ex rockerboy jacked into their brain, and suddenly you're friends with his exes:
THE best fixer of Night City/Queen of the Afterlife herself;
The current rockerboy Kerry Eurodyne with whom you can suddenly have a thing or two and maybe turn it into a short romantic relationship.
Back in 2013, Kerry could easily spend a night with a fan (or just a quickie after the gig, no need to get personal and close at all), but he wasn't as popular and as mature as he is in 2077. Plus, I doubt that a one night stand ever turned into something serious. Judging by the way he described his previous relationships, they were always so fucked up: he was either being constantly cheated on (??? who dared and why?) and eventually got mentally destroyed by his ex wife. No wonder it lead to such horrible depression and suicide rumours/attempt(s).
Then V enters the scene. Breaks into Kerry's house, gives Johnny the reins, and suddenly, the two are connected and can have something V wouldn't even have a CHANCE to have with Kerry. I'm pretty sure V wouldn't even know Kerry in person if it wasn't for Johnny, because Kerry is THAT popular & has tons of fans like V. Just a face in the crowd.
I mean, how many people dream being just a little bit close to Kerry? And when Kerry presents his new collab at a full club, Kerry suddenly pulls this unknown Nobody out of the crowd closer, introduces her as his right hand to the press, and then they leave together and spend some time alone on the roof/at his fav restaurant. Can you imagine how jealous some of those people might feel?
For a while, V becomes closer to Kerry in the real life than anyone could ever dream of. Fans? Like hell he'd let a fan or press that close to himself (and they would definitely NOT be welcome to enter his villa at any time of day and night).
And the more time passes, the more popular Kerry gets (so he goes from Very Popular to Incredibly Popular and Demanded and Wanted By Fans and Press.) The new album, new tour with his huge billboards around the city?
And where's V? Oh, V is either in a coma and basically forgotten by all her friends (including Kerry, and there's no going back to how it was before, it's completely ruined, and V can no longer help Kerry with his wildest deeds) or dead by that time. Isn't that nice. :)
Oh, the tragedy.
(Though I must notice that Vik and Misty are still have to see V. It's just still incredibly tragic & there's no fixing that in canon, either.)
(And that's partially why I still choose The Temperance ending. At least the body is being used and has a purpose. Can be reunited with Kerry, too, if there's such need/wish.)
P.S.: And it's not even about romance. It's literally about the one in a million chance that grants V everything she ever dreamed of and that simultaneously completely destroys her, no matter what she does. (And I talk about V as a female bc that's what I'm comfortable with the most. You do you.)
#kerry eurodyne#kerry x v#johnny silverhand#phantom liberty#cyberpunk 2077#natisplaying#cb2077#natiswriting
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bkdk au where deku's hero brand twt acc is super popular & often his agency uses it to post promo pics of him on the job for his fans but recently there been more candid pics of him out of his suit grocery shopping & drinking coffee. they're like who IS TAKING ALL THESE PICS?? the fans are used to professional photos taken of deku shielding a kid against a crumbling building and deku sitting on top of a tower as he oversee the city he's protecting like standard heroic photos but this is the first time they see deku so unfiltered and approachable.
at first they thought maybe it's just a new style of promo ya know trying to make deku more human instead of this larger than life figure, that he's not always deku BUT ALSO izuku yet compare to the promo pics of the past the new ones are captionless and seems "ordinary" in fact. the 'heroic' pics are still being posted regularly and it's always have a caption attached: "hero deku saved a child!" etc it's all really dry and robotic lol standard promo lines but these new candid pics are posted randomly and there's never a sentence or word attached to them. compare to the pro pics of deku on the job looking courageous and noble, this version of deku--IZUKU under the suit---seems to be taken w a phone or something bc its clumsy and raw; it's izuku stripped to his bare essentials smiling at the camera shyly like he didn't expect it.
so rumors spread that it's deku's assistant or someone from his agency taking these candid pics to show the 'true deku' that he's just like everyone else!!! but then one day theres new pic of izuku w messy hair holding back a yawn as he climb out of the BED and ppl are like ????? unlike the other candid pics of izuku doing everyday things this is a more intimate look bc IZUKU is in bed and who the fuck would let their assistant or someone from their job to go into their bedroom and take pics of them waking up??? so maaaaaybe it's not from his agency??? the next series of pics continue to fall under the same theme of intimate and private look of deku in his most natural habitat: napping under the sun w a book on his chest AND waking from it as he smiled softly at the person behind the camera nuzzling his cheek against their hand. unlike the rest of the other candid photos, this is incredibly LEWD. like deku still has his clothes on and he's not doing anything scandalous but it's worst then watching a porno bc this felt so warmth and affectionate in a way that they all felt terribly voyeuristic LOL /o\.
after that photo speculation RUN RAMPANT bc clearly it's not from his agency and deku looks so in love and smitten in that waking up photo and how can anyone touch deku that tenderly if THEY'RE NOT ALSO IN LOVE WITH HIM? it's def a lover posting these pic of deku behind the scene. these photos become the talk of the fans and media bc everyone want to know WHO IS THE PERSON BEHIND THESE INTIMATE PHOTOS OF DEKU?! but no matter how many ppl pressed deku about it he just smile amusingly and brush it off completely, neither denying or agreeing LOL. which only fuel the speculations and rumors that ppl start taking guesses from close friends of deku in the likes of hero uravity & shouto to a random idol that deku had saved several months back. just about everyone was named even completely out there endeavor was suggested LOL but among all the ppl named one name kept getting pass by and it's dynamight. some did brought him in the discussion but only as a joke bc LMAO dynamight and deku eternal rivals and mostly likely to killed each other if locked alone in a room?? PLS pigs would sooner learn to fly.
deku is such a high profile figure that something as silly and inane as 'secret lover' taking candid pics of him and posting it online is like the most interesting hop topic that nobody can SHUT UP about. everywhere you go, ppl want to know who you think is behind the photos???? bc izuku is so silent about it and wont give them anything, ppl start hounding his friends and colleagues about it demanding to know: is it YOU?? ARE YOU BEHIND THE CANDID DEKU'S PHOTOS?? IF IT'S NOT THEN DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?? CAN YOU TELL US??? and it's super annoying lol. then some brave fan asked dynamight of all ppl and dynmight stared at the brave kid in the face w a severe look in his eyes: 'yea it's me, you dumb fuck so you can stop asking others.' and the kid was like HAHAHA that's so funny dynamight i didnt know you can joke :'D!!! bc this is the era of the internet, someone always have their camera so the clip of that fan asking dynamight if he was the one posting those 'intimate pics' and dynamight saying it's him go viral. everyone thought it's the funniest shit bc hahaha dynamight and deku?? HYSTERICAL.
then completely unexpected, a new photo from deku's acc got posted and holy shit: deku in an oversize dynamight's shirt w the tinniest of short, BITE MARKS ON HIS NECK & an embarrassed look on his face as he tries and fail to fight off the arm that yanking his shirt down. if the shirt and bite marks weren’t obvious enough hint, the fans would recognize that ridiculous biceps from anywhere and this time the photo came w a caption: "you can fuck off now." yea it's def dynamight alright LOL and that's how bkdk ended the internet :D.
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in to the woods- a harlivy fic
a/n: yes i wrote harlivy, despite being on vacation and stuck in a car without my laptop, bc they are now my obsession and i can not Not write them anything. SO here we are!! and as previously mentioned i do not have my laptop so that is why i can not shorten anything under the cut so lmao, sorry folks. i’ll post on ao3 later and cut it when i get back. enjoy!! (or not sdfsjsk i promise i’m not leaving the pp fandom)
Being on brand is totally Ivy’s thing.
Being alone, emotionally detached, planning on killing off investment bankers and businesses and going through with them is totally Ivy’s thing, a point proven by the infiltration of that business facility she had just performed minutes prior that is sure to be on the news the next morning.
Spying on people, however, is not Ivy’s thing. She doesn’t like people, doesn’t like to talk to them or look at them or breathe the same air as them- hell, she isn’t even a human, herself- and yet, here she is, leaning on the trunk of an old chestnut tree at the edge of the park trying not to be seen as she spies on the only person who doesn’t make her want to puke and run into the nearest greenhouse to free her lungs of human interaction.
Harley Quinn.
The first time she saw her, an uptight woman with a goddamn clipboard and a high blonde bun, Ivy thought that Harley- well, Harleen, back then- was a crazy self motivational bitch. Crazy, because Ivy can tell that Harleen had a lot of potential and yet chose to waste it all on being a police ploy. There was ambition, an eagerness to be recognized by her own intelligence, and yet there was nobody to be recognized from, which made her bitter and an easy target for the federal to use to get to the minds of criminals.
Ivy was intrigued back then. Why would such an understated potential agree to be deployed as a fucking psychologist for those assholes? It was soon after that she came across the answer, those criminals that the police force upon Harley- Ivy herself included- are all a challenge.
Harley was using the government as much as they were using her, if not more.
Now, now that Harley is bleached and acid-ed and labeled as Joker’s girlfriend, Ivy is more than a little curious. Even with the maniacal giggling that seems to follow Harley’s footsteps as well as the chaos generated by her props, Ivy is skeptical over whether or not everything is genuine.
There is the occasional morality, the occasional rare thing that Harley would do that would belie her retroactive proclamation that she is the most fearsome female supervillain of all time. A thing that would make people- “heroes” and villains alike- doubt whether or not she is a unit capable enough to do anything remotely evil.
How ironic is it that Harley is interesting for being too good when she is bad, and for being too bad when she is good.
It is a mystery. And for Ivy, who is a philomath for knowledge that far surpasses nature, Harley is a mystery that Ivy is thrilled to resolve.
Which is why she had followed Harley throughout her career, even when it ended into a life filled with crime. She still thinks that Harley is a crazy bitch because now instead of being controlled by the government she is being manipulated by the Joker, but Ivy could not bring herself to look away.
So yes, being on brand is totally Ivy’s thing, spying on people is not, but Harley is different and that is why Ivy is spying on her even though she should be at her apartment resting.
The wind rustles in her hair. Ivy flexes her fingers so that the leaves properly hide her face as she peers down at the scene down below.
A kid huddles low behind a tiny bush. Harley, in her red and black clown costume complete with her heavy eye makeup, crouches with him, trying in vain to get him to stand up so that she can rush him out of there.
“Look, kid. I’m not trying to kill ya, so I really need ya to run away before Mistah J sees, m’kay?”
“Why should I trust you? You destroyed so many of my friends today, and Joker is really mean. I don’t want to listen to a monster.”
Oh damn, Ivy thinks, whistling under her breath, she had not prepared to see an innocent kid die tonight.
Harley doesn’t even flinch. Instead, she reaches up to her head, rips off the clown mask, and allows her bleached blonde waves to cascade past her shoulders. Then she pulls at the fabric surrounding her eyes and Ivy feels her breath catch in her throat at the intensity of the bright blue gaze that is revealed.
Ivy forgot how attractive Harley can be.
“Well this monster is trying to save your life, so ya better listen to me or die right ‘ere, right now. So what d’ya say, kid?”
He blinks widely at her, like he has finally realized what a mistake he has made. Ivy watches him nod his head, mumbling an apology about how rude he was, and quickly scamper up and around towards a hole in the park’s wired fence that acted as his exit.
Harley stands. Ivy is about to slink out of the way and venture to the other side of the clearing to deal with Joker’s goons when they suddenly make eye contact.
“Y’know, Red, as someone who hates to interact with people ya sure know how ta make a girl feel scrutinized wherever she goes. Need something?”
Ivy bends her knees, laying an arm across her thighs and using the branch to support her weight. She doesn’t say anything at first, her attention glued to the sparkle in Harley’s eyes, the moonlight reflecting off her skin, the glow of the bells on her mask. Even the hammer clutched in her hand seem to shine more like a waterfall in a fountain late at night than a weapon.
If Joker hadn't snatched Harley to be a partner of his own, Ivy would have.
“Nah. Just trying to see what the new Harley Quinn everyone is talking about is all about. And also, because I’m bored. You’re a constant source of entertainment, Harls. Energy never appears to seep out of you.”
“Ah, of course not. A villain needs to always be on her toes, doesn’t she?
As if on cue, Harley taps her feet, does a backflip, and twirls in the same sitting. Ivy barely has time to chuckle. She misses the times when they would have harmless fun like this.
Before she could open her mouth for another performance, Joker’s cackle calls. Harley’s expression falls as a result, her movements becoming increasingly agitated.
Harley babbles that she has to go. She has to, she stammers, when Ivy voices her disagreement, or everyone will be in trouble.
And as she shoves her pigtails back in her costume, her lip snagged between her teeth with anxiety, Ivy finally recognizes why Harley is so captivating. She is like a delicate seedling, beautiful but not yet fully grown, having been suffocated and suppressed for so long by pressures that are out of her control.
And seedlings are on Ivy’s brand. Heck, all plants are. And come to think of it, so are rescuing them, protecting them.
So naturally Ivy follows.
She will make sure that Harley grows into all that she could be if it’s the last thing she’ll do.
#w writes#harlivy#harley quinn#poison ivy#harleen quinzel#pamela isley#dc#harlivy fic#mentions of joker in the background
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Hi, I recently read your most recent x Gojo fic, and I know it was supposed to be fluff, but your entire x Gojo found family series so far has read like wonderful psychological horror. Idk if its because most of the events being recounted are from child Megumi's perspective, but the relationship you've built between Gojo and ripmc is gorgeously unnerving. The way Gojo keeps his relationships at an arms length and hides his true feelings and intentions only for them to slip out in uncomfortably possessive behaviors. All the while there's something ever so slightly off about ripmc, where she disconnects with the reality around her, almost like she regresses to cope with her own trauma. And while it seems like deep down, she knows something is wrong, she chooses to act blissfully unaware of Gojo's disturbing behaviors and advances toward her---allowing herself to stay trapped in his grasp and remain reliant on him. If she does this out of fear, or not wanting to lose her friendship with him (despite their dynamic already being completely distorted), or both, I don't know. All I know is that something is wrong and I get chills thinking about it.
I'm really sorry if you never intended for your story to read this darkly, but if you did, its *chef's kiss*. Either way, your writing is fantastic and I look forward to more, regardless if it's cute fluff or heavy angst.
hiiiii firstly thanks for reading!!!! i’m happy u enjoyed it <3
second of all, it can definitely be read that way if you want!! it’s interesting that you read it that way bc ur soooo right. obviously there are going to be more serious undertones and implications in the fic but also on the surface it is meant to be a comedic moment, especially from megumi’s POV who is essentially an outsider who isn’t as influenced by gojo as rip!mc is LOL and knows his behavior is wack. i think the best part of writing megumi is that he’s an exceptionally self aware kid but he also knows to mind his business in a lowkey way. he probably indirectly tries to point out gojo’s weird behavior rip. the reason why he thinks all jujutsu sorcerers are Wrong in the Head is probably bc gojo was his first pipeline into the jujutsu world and we all know what gojo’s like 😭
rip!mc definitely dissociates sometimes she just spends a lot of time in her head lmaooo it’s part trauma part growing up alone with nobody to really talk to (aka this girl had no friends growing up help...) the funny thing is that first year hs rip!mc is also very megumi-esque self aware and objectively thinks gojo is like... not a person she’d like to get to know in any other but a professional capacity or just as classmates but he does worm himself into her heart as they become friends. and that’s when it becomes ride or die with her. she really does love him and wants the best for gojo so they do straddle that line between friends and lovers with gojo bordering content and wanting more while also knowing her feelings on love/relationships. i don’t think she’d ever be afraid of gojo though. that’s just not them bc rip!mc is someone more likely to tell him off than be afraid.
also regarding gojo hiding his feelings yes but also i think he pushes rip!mc very subtly in a way to close that gap to lovers without her really being....aware??? bc that’s probably the best he’s going to get. he’s a very give an inch take a mile kind of person, and rip!mc has the worst personality for that bc she’d give him the mile or two bc she really does love him. anyway you definitely are onto something there LMAO
#i would hope ppl aren't as co-dependent on their s/o's as rip!mc and gojo are 😭#i know i joke about gojo making a good yandere but like.#are they friends are they lovers are they something else yes.#.rr
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[VENT POST / DNREBLOG]
Gotta keep telling myself like, 60% of the HnK fandom is just babies who are like, Barely out of their teenage years (allegedly - I’m not IN the fandom bc im almost 30 and fandom drama anything is stupid and not worth my time) but sometimes I’ll see a stupid take and then it’s like “oh you’re just 19 okay. Ur a BABY in comparison you don’t have the life experience to know better” but man it’s SO HARD to not have anyone on my same intellect to talk about this series 😩
It just feels like a vast majority of readers side with Phos despite all of the equally shitty things they did with the Gems and treat Phos like they fulfilled all of their promises even tho they didn’t? They jumped from one empty, long-winded promise to another and the only way they were ever fulfilled is by someone else who fell into the place that Phos left.
Like, Bort was absolutely correct when they said Phos preyed on their weaknesses and then manipulated them into leaving earth (save for Dia, who had already peaced out-ied), but you all aren’t ready for that kind of taking accountability yet
Also, regarding Phos, the best most recent example I can think of comes from TUA S3; this quote from Five:
You know what they call a superhero who works alone and doesn’t listen to anybody? A villain.
In the perspective of the Gems, Phos is a wild card. Unpredictable, chaotic, powerful, othered. All in all, Phos is basically a superhero relative to the Gems’ usual abilities. They are To be feared, because they [the Gems] don’t understand. Jade even says “I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to understand you” (PARAPHRASE) Phos, whether intentionally or not, lauds this over the rest of the Gems.
[To simplify - Phos is that kid who keeps kicking the back of your chair. Hard. And doesn’t stop when you ask politely]
So like YES - the Gems absolutely suck in that aspect of not really ever understanding Phos based on their formulated, projected image of them. Yes they should’ve made more of an effort to support Phos earlier on, etc etc. BUT at the same time, if their circumstances were also being outwardly manipulated the entire time by Aechmea, then they really couldn’t do much to stop it.
On the flip side, the Gems suck because they’re now dealing with their own butterfly effect of problems coming to light between themselves and their community/culture as a whole because of Phos, who swung at the proverbial bees nest??? That also doesn’t sit well, because it’s reducing the problem to Black vs White; good versus evil, and that’s where I fear people are losing the actual themes of the story in exchange for “durhur my blorbos” brainrot 🙄
[Dont blind yourselves to the ways in which a character does or doesn’t take accountability and responsibility for their actions. It’s what differentiates a hero from a coward; the degree in which a character owns up to their actions is a huge reflection of their personal integrity]
Even if Phos viewed their own actions as noble and worth the effort and troubles imposed on the others, they still acted selfishly. Solo. They saw this big, monumental task that nobody had ever done before and developed so much tunnel vision for it without thinking of how their actions would branch out and affect everyone else around them.
When Cinnabar tells them to drop it for their own sake, Phos does the complete fucking opposite and escalate things. They hear “Don’t do that” and see a challenge to prove wrong.
So I don’t blame Cinnabar for not wanting to go or stay with Phos, since REALLY, this fucking far, Phos never actually thought about Cinnabar other than as a means to fulfill THEIR promises to find them a better job. Cinna even acknowledges that - “if you had just asked to be partners, it would be different” (NOT VERBATIM) - like Shinsha Isn’t fucking stupid, and perhaps is able to see through more of the ruse Phos put up than the other Gems because they lived separately from the community mindset. And also if we’re speaking truthfully, their connection wasn’t even that deep beyond shipping lenses. Phos never took the time to really get to know Shinsha or understand what THEY wanted. Phos imposed what they thought Shinsha wanted.
Anyway Jesus fucking Christ I have a lot of thoughts and analysis now that I’ve reread Houseki at an older age - there are a lot of moments and events that I didn’t fully understand when I first read it. But boy there are so many more things I get now that im older :’)
Also all attempts at starting “fandom drama” with me will be ignored :) because I literally don’t care about the petty trivialities of fandom drama.
#i just need to find the people my age who can actually have discussions on the theme#without being like THE GEMS SUCK#like yes we know that. we’ve seen it#hnk#actually analyze the series and open your minds up to LEARNING media literacy and analysis actually#this phase of earth and humanity is not ready for the conversation of individualism vs community#especially bc we real life fucking humans Suck at it#personal txt#it’s just like PLEASE did we READ the same series#explain why they suck without saying THEY WERE MEAN :( or give me any insight that you actually understand the content and it’s nuances#you gotta learn to view the big picture detached from personal bias and emotion#but also let yourself connect and relate to characters#maybe a lot of these kids see themselves in Phos#i know at one point my perspective held Phos in favor but that’s because of where I personally was in my life#which was a very Me against the World type mindset (which makes an ugly color on anyone)#but I was also 18/19 when I viewed phos favorably
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my hcs for roman as a dad!!
i feel like he would make handmade birthday cards for his kids. like he’s no artist but if his kid was really into trains or something he would make them a card and draw a train on the front and write something stupid like “chugga chugga choo choo it’s your birthday!”
without a doubt he has a personal chef or something who does most of the cooking for him but i think he’d learn how to make something simple like guacamole because kids like it and it’s got vegetables. that way he can have a snack on hand that’s not a pre-packaged granola bar or apple sauce packet
and i think he could handle making pancakes for breakfast every once in a while. maybe he uses bisquick mix but nobody has to know.
will use his kids as an excuse to get out of stuff he doesn’t want to do with absolutely no shame. uhh yeah sorry gotta leave this painfully awkward family dinner early, little romette has a fever, I’m sure you understand
he is a girldad. he would have daughters. im thinking two, probably twins.
actually now that i think about it roman soooo would have identical twin daughters and i think he would lean towards traditional/normie-ish names I’m thinking like catherine and ella? and maybe he calls them katie and ellie and i feel like the only cutesie nickname he’d use is ‘honey’
in the evening would fall asleep on the couch, still in his dress clothes from work, one hand supporting the baby lying on his chest, also asleep
now I’m thinking about roman still in his work clothes with the sleeves rolled up on his dress shirt sitting on the floor with one of the babies, waving the arm of a teddy bear at her and doing a silly voice to make her laugh :,)
i think he would take a couple months of paternity leave when the kids are first born because who’s gonna tell him no but once he goes back to waystar will take a long ass lunch break to go home and see mom (tabitha obviously) and the babies
i don’t think he’s really a traditionalist but i do think there’s some stuff that’s def ingrained in his head like being married to the mother of his children so im thinking tabitha gets pregnant when they’ve been together for like a year and a half and they have a courthouse wedding and then an actual ceremony after the girls are born
i hc that roman is one of those people who can somehow operate completely fine on like two hours of sleep so he never minded getting up with the babies and rocking them back to sleep. he likes the alone time with them
checks the baby monitor obsessively to make sure they’re ok. has some kinda high powered one that he can check from his desk at waystar and will often get distracted and watch the babies sleep instead of working
will wear one of those front-facing baby carriers or push a double baby stroller with absolutely zero shame
gets on his kids’ level to talk to them, leans over/crouches down instead of looking down at them
adding on to that i think he’d be good at handling tantrums? like would take the kid to a little quiet corner where they’re separated from whatevers stressing them out and would be very patient and really listen to them and help them feel better
he’s not the tallest and tabs does have the tall genes so i can imagine his adult daughters ending up being roman’s height if not like an inch taller
lowkey enjoys picking out outfits for his kids and is bummed out when they get old enough to dress themselves
is definitely terrible at not swearing in front of the kids lol like imagine him trying to help with math homework and getting frustrated and swearing under his breath meanwhile his like 9 year old kid is like :D?
once theyre old enough takes tabs and the kids to argestes and doesn’t go to any of the corporate events except the ones he absolutely has to and instead they just go on nature walks as a family
actually i see them as a nature vacation family like going to national parks and shit bc its so different from nyc and its nice and quiet and relaxing. not saying roman is any kind of athlete but i think he could handle a three mile easy hike or something esp. if there’s a waterfall at the end
cries behind his sunglasses at high school graduation
makes them facetime him once they go to college and holds the phone way too close to his face at a really stupid dad angle
you know how kendall looks at his kids while they’re dancing at the wedding in 1x10 right after he’s killed somebody? that is exactly how roman looks at his kids like he is so proud
genuinely i think kids would give roman the purpose he so desperately needs in life. like i am not advocating for becoming a parent instead of going to therapy but he does seem to be floating aimlessly through life and having people who actually need him would do wonders for him
#PLS reblog and add your own!!#once again word vomit from maddie#who is surprised#u gotta hit expand there is a lot of them
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so yesterday on my walk i was thinking bc you know like. mental health walks or whatever. technically mine are more physical health walks bc i dont get much activity time but whatever not the point.
so i was thinking about like. ok im not lonely but its like. i have a lonely existence. i dont feel lonely or alone but like, objectively i am, if that makes sense??
i dont really have friends. like i have mutuals on here but we dont really talk and tbh its like, definitely my fault for that. and i was thinking about how ive basically NEVER had friends. like i had "friends" when i was in preschool in kindergarten, but they were more just classmates than anything else. we didnt hang out after school or do playdates or anything like that. i was never anyone's first or even second choice for anything. i only got invited to stuff the entire class did.
and my family like moved a lot. at some point we moved back and i went to that same school again and even though my class like, recognized and remembered me, they all like... moved on. nobody wanted to be my friend anymore. and once again i think it was on me.
and i dont think im an asshole or anything like that, i think im just. boring. im quiet and boring. i dont do anything, my ideal day would revolve around me being completely alone. i dont dislike people, but im so far away from being a people person that its like. ruining my relationships?
and i was on my walk and i realized that like. i know lots of people. no scratch that probably everyone has felt out of place at least once in their life. but i genuinely feel like i have never fit in. and i think its bc so much of life and society and everything puts emphasis on social activity. and i just like,,, cant do it.
i dont like talking. like, i CAN. if i really really try i can force conversation, i can force myself to go along with things, but i basically never initiate conversation bc i just. i dont like it. i like silence and gift giving and actions to show love. ive never been one to say anything to signify my thoughts or feelings. its like... my family are the only ones im comfortable enough around to talk to, and even then its mostly just my sister and dad. and its definitely a rare thing. only when im really invested in whatever someone else is talking it.
but like. so much of friendship and just humans in general require TALKING. i cant be friends with someone i dont ever reach out first. i cant be friends with someone i dont talk to. thats just sort of how it seems to work. and ive never been that guy. ive always been told i was a quiet kid, that i was a horrible conversationalist, that i was too shy. and like i am i guess anxious around people a bit. but i dont know if i ever was shy. i think i just didnt like talking. thats just like. who i am as a person.
i do like my internal dialogue. like, im not just sitting in complete silence all the time. i just am content with my own company. i think. maybe thats why reading and writing are so important to me? i can write and write and write about the thoughts in my head but i hate trying to voice them to another person. talking into the void like this feels so much easier. maybe im just bad with people and i need practice. i dont know. but i think im just,,, not cut right for what the world wants a person to be. i dont feel like a social animal. i mean, id probably get lonely if i WAS fully alone. this isnt like some weird alpha man who needs nobody and cant rely on anything kind of thing. i know im probably just taking what i have now for granted. but. hm.
so its like. its weird. i cant do small talk, i cant fake laugh, i never have anything to talk about. i dont DO anything, because ive always been content being by myself. i need a couple hours of silence and alone time every day or i get stressed and miserable. and i know i need to just get over it and TALK to people and reach out first sometimes and actually be a person. but it feels so. impossible. its like im just bad it. i do a bad job at existing around people. is this just normal introvert behavior and im just stuck around extroverts my entire life? does everyone feel like this? is everyone just faking it forever? at my old job, people started to not like me and look annoyed whenever i showed up, because i didnt talk to them and was too quiet. i answered with yes and okay to most things and that was it. i just worked in silence the rest of the time. everyone else didnt like that. they wanted to talk to me. i made no friends. i barely made acquaintances. i feel like im just doing this whole thing wrong, but its like. i feel bad about not talking bc other people want me to. i dont WANT to talk more. im fine with this little bubble im in. it just sucks that i feel like im making other people feel upset or disliked or unwanted when thats not true!! i like being around people, most of the time, and i dont mind being talked AT. i just. i dont want to HAVE to add more things in just for the sake of talking.
i dont know. i forgot most of what i was thinking. this is mostly just like a dump of words and thoughts. ive been weird the past couple days. but whatever. i wont even delete this!! its just void talk anyways. its not even talk. im just typing to nobody. maybe its the expectations. god i dont even know anymore. tumblr's starting to lag from all this text i think. does any of this even makes sense?? i dont know if im like. articulating it well. as i said im not good with this kind of stuff.
ok well thats out of my system for now i think. bye void
#cw vent#not really but i guess it is maybe? tagging anyways#so like i dont have a pointwith any of this just like. i guess i realized im keeping a lot of stuff internalized and typung it out might#might help#and u know the whole. not talking thing. so im just gonna start dumping my thoughts on here#i mean its my blog. i can feelings dump on here#so thats. yeah. ok typung is getting very laggy and broken now im gonna stop
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Ok so like im still really really really new to this whole tumblr thing but I made this fanfic and i dont want it to go unread so uhhhh here
Elder McKinley x Elder price x Elder Sparks (you bc im dumb and started writing it as an OC but it doesnt matter)
“Hey, Elder Spar- I mean Y/N… Sorry. You know nevermind sorry.” McKinle- Connor, is still trying to get used to this. Well we all are. It’s kinda hard to call everyone ‘Elder ___’ all the time and then one day switch over to everyone’s first names. I never Even knew Prices first name was Kevin. I knew that McKinleys first name started with “C” but that was it. I told everyone my First name out of habit that I learned as a kid. It was easier like that. But this change was still so hard for me to get used to. It was just so weird. But we all had to get used to it somehow, someday. It was bound to happen any day now. That’s what you thought every night since you all had become Ex-Mormons, just as you snuggled up behind Kev and held Connie’s hand. They liked those nicknames, especially Kevin. But still, every morning you would wake up and the habit would still be there, like a Ram amongst sheep. It made you hate yourself for being one of the only ones still struggling, as is you weren’t making an effort. You tried, really really hard but you just couldn’t get it right. Eventually Kev and Connie got it, which had only left you still calling the others “Elder ___.” They tried their best to help me but they just couldn’t do anything that would help. You hated it so much, you wanted nothing more than to just be.. normal. It was like clockwork. You would see Arnold, “Hey Elder Cunni- I’m so sorry man I didn’t mean that- I-“ they would always stop me and say something like “it’s not your fault, it’s those homophobes fault.” Or “nah you’re good, take your time” and it just pissed me off. Well not them saying that but what they meant by that. It made me mad that they thought I needed more time. I mean I did, but it still made me kinda mad. Mainly upset. It was complicated. But they were all really patient with you. They did start to treat you like an autistic two year old. Like you were stupid and didn’t know shit besides “bright colors yay!” And it fuckin sucked.
Months after this behavior had started it stayed in place. You barely even got to speak most of the time, they would just talk over you or say something to you but then would let you or wouldn’t listen for the answer. It had been around 5 months since this started and you finally quit the whole “Elder ___” thing. Nobody would listen to you though. They just didn’t think you were worth the time anymore I guess. And then one day you were just so sick of this behavior. You were sick of being talked over and ignored like some random ghost or a nonverbal toddler. You felt so alone and ignored. Kevin and Connor stopped hanging out with you entirely. You wouldn’t see any of your friends for weeks. You felt like you couldn’t talk to anybody, as if you were completely alone. Which you were. You finally lashed out. Just a fit of rage that had been developing over the past months. You finally let everything go and went off on them.
“I- Hey- Guys- hello? Hello?! I- …YOU KNOW WHAT? IM SICK OF THIS SHIT. YOU GUYS HAVENT LET ME TALK IN MONTHS. ALL IVE DONE IS BE IGNORED AND TALKED IVER AND I HONESTLY DONT CARE FOR IT. I FINALLY GOT RID OF THAT STUPID ELDER THING AND YET YOU GUYS DONT WANNA TAKE TWO SECONDS TO LISTEN TO ME AND HEAR THAT. YOU GUYS ARE SUCH ASSHOLES, FUCK YALL.” And with that you stormed off and went back home to your apartment. You stayed in your bathroom, knowing that if Connor and Kevin actually did care they would come over. They know where the key is too. You locked the door to the bathroom as well after getting the key from the top of the doorframe. You weren’t leaving until someone, anyone, apologized. You refused to let anything get in your way. Less than 10 minutes later you hear people walking around in your apartment and then a soft knock on the door. So soft you didn’t think it was actually there, like a dumb hallucination thing that you had been having recently. “Honey? Are you in there? Baby I’m so so sorry…. Please.. come out. For me? For Connor?” Kevin’s voice came through from the other side of the locked door. You heard Connor whisper something about me crying but I didn’t hear the rest. I was still upset at those two in specific. They saw how I was being treated and decided to join in on it without asking if I was okay with that kinda treatment. It pissed you off something fierce. “Go away… I dont wanna talk. Just fuck off.” You yelled between sniffles from how hard you were crying. After hours of them trying to convince you out of the bathroom and endless apologies, you finally opened the door. You let them see you, standing there wearing the same outfit you wore when you three asked each other out back in Orlando Florida. It was the classic white shirt black tie with a pair of Mickey Mouse pj pants and a black jacket over it all as It cascaded down to your knees. The jacket was zipped up a little bit but just enough to where you could still see the shirt and tie. Your eyes were puffy and your mascara was clearly smudged all over your cheeks. You felt like shit and tears started streaming down your face again right after you saw Kevin and Connor’s faces. The pair went in to hug you but you pushed them away. “What the fuck you guys. I was clearly upset at the way I was being treated and you didn’t think to ask me before joining the rest of the group. I mean what the actual hell. It’s like you two just randomly left my life without an explanation.” You glared at them. The pair looked at you with sympathy and pain. “I’m so sorry-“ Kevin tried to talk, but you cut him off. “SORRY ISNT GONNA FIX THIS KEVIN. I DONT WANT A STUPID FUCKING ‘I’m so sorry please forgive me!!’ SPEECH. I WANT AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY YOU WOULD ABANDON ME.” You yelled at him. You didn’t want to yell, but you were just so mad at them. They abandoned you for no reason. Especially when you needed them nonetheless. “I- well.. um-“ Kevin barely stuttered anything out at all. “We just wanted to give you time to adjust… and besides. You never asked us to hangout either.” Connor managed to say without a single mistake. He seemed confident in those words despite you just yelling in their faces. “I DID. SO MANY TIMES. AND YOU TWO NEVER FUCKING ANSWERED. GO AHEAD, CHECK MY PHONE I DARE YOU.” I ripped my phone out of my pocket and handed it to them as my sleeve fell down onto my mid arm before I reached down and cover my arms quickly. I didn’t need them seeing what I had done in the recent months. What I had done a couple days ago. What I had done today. What I had done an hour ago. What I was doing less than 5 minutes before they showed up. My arms weren’t bandaged at all cause I didn’t care. I hated them and myself for being so recklessly stupid. The two checked our texts and then checked their own phones, jaws dropping when they saw that they matched up. They only read the text and never answered. You would see the notification that it was read and think they would type back but they never would. PART TWO SOON I PROMISE
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I just found your account and as a devoted zanark simp for almost 3 years now i MUST talk about him or else i will explode and die.
I would love to hear any headcanons you might have for him🙏
Also your art is absolutely adorable!!
HELLO MY FELLOW ZANARK FAN vigorously shakes ur hand 🤝🤝🤝
i think youve probably seen a bit of that here and there on my blog already but um if were talking about my favorite hcs when it comes to zanark... i read a pixiv comic once where it turned out as a result of his upbringing and the kind of childhood he had as an outcast who was always alone + then going to prison zanark never learned how to read and write and its something i like a lot 🥺 i try to casually incorporate that into everything i do w him... (i think the same thing probably goes for a lot of second stage children who had to fend for themselves since they were very young...!! who would have taught them..? though they might have learned while in feida later from other kids!! obviously that wouldnt apply to zanark though!!)
erm i always wonder what kind of relationship he has with zanark domain and i just dont think it would make sense for him to see them as friends or even just sort of part of His Gang cuz hes a loner so ive been assuming theyre actually fellow mugen prisoners who were offered a lighter sentence or other such things for helping him out against raimon after omega 3.0 got sent to loser baby jail so far. most of them really respect his strength so there arent any issues abt his attitude mostly but like yeah i just cant see him respect them enough to be his friends or even associates lawl theyre like his fans to me. lord zanark fanclub pal pack and all that
also i think he doesnt care to learn most peoples names because its funny to me and hes just that self centered. he knows raimon as a unit and nishiki personally by name but like thats it. not his full name though which really annoys nishiki because hes got this whole thing about having the same name as sakamoto ryouma and that was when he saved his life and stuff he should KNOW this.
OH WAIT i do actually have actual hcs about him and shit. i just checked my notes. i like to think hes not completely bullshitting everyone when he calls himself a nameless nobody from nowhere (this rolls off the tongue way better than what he literally says in jp you have to admit) so imo he did actually grow up on the streets (see first paragraph) after being abandoned (and specifically abandoned i dont think hes an orphan i think his parents left him behind like fei cuz he was freaky lol) and he really did not have a name until he got caught by el dorado and they had to put a name on his file and zanark avalonic was just what he thought of in the moment. but it slaps so hes allowed to do his bit about being nameless with a name. if i thought of something that good i would also add it to my catchphrase even if it makes it not make sense anymore.
and i also thought about his crimes before and personally what i think is. its mostly stuff like stealing and property damage, maybe specifically the theft of a timecraft and unlicensed time travelling + modifications to the time route as separate heavier offenses, and i wont rule out some fisticuffs and injuries to other people but its definitely not something Huge like killing people. i think he mostly is considered That dangerous a criminal bc of his attitude and of course his being a second stage child and not because he did some Massive Awful crime or something. but thats also kind of related to what i think about el dorado and second stage children which isnt necessarily what canon suggests near the end... but well thats a whole other subject. all this to say that i DID ponder his crimes for a while.
UM I WILL STOP THERE LAWL thank you so much for liking my art and finding it cute <3 i know his design and voice dont help his case but it was really upsetting for me to find out that some people dont even seem to realize he is a child 😭 calling him a grown ass man and whatnot so im making it my lifes mission to draw him looking ever so slightly more his age🥴
btw heres my favorite pic of him from baku gaidenshuu. CHOMP
#WAIT CAN I SAY JUST ONE MORE THING....!#i just dont think hes the kind of person who would just obediently stay in his time period just bc it would mess with the time route...!#now that hes gotten a taste of how fun raimon is i think he would absolutely routinely come back for a game or two!#with protocol omega hot on his ass because he is STILL illegally time travelling!
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↠ toji with a virgin s/o ↞
pairing: toji fushiguro x fem!reader.
warnings: nsfw, aged up, size kink [?], oral [fem!receiving], virgin reader, first time, lost of virginity, praising, toji calls himself daddy, grammar errors.
word counter: 3.2k
rq: I would like to request a oneshot? a hc would be appreciated too though. Toji with a virgin gf who can’t even make herself cum? Just how he would like to destroy her :)
butler's remark: (◕‿◕) hello lord, i'm back with an oneshot with toji being tremendously tender with his lover for the first time. in addition, reader is a citizen. sorry, i did it soft, bc i think toji will super-extra-super soft for the first time with his s/o, only for the first. i hope you'll like that, thanks for the request ;)
disclaimer: everything you read is purely my opinion - any detail, sketch, or event is a figment of my imagination.
you've been an ordinary citizen and had never planned to date a sorcerer or someone close to this specialty. you ain't cowardly, merely as you were thinking you'll marry a simple man and will have kids with him, and die in one day like lovebirds.
you had never considered yourself being stuck in a relationship with a sorcerer killer.
you were overworked, virtually sleeping as were walking in the empty street, dreaming to get home as soon as possible, to feel the silk sheets against your back. the area where your office was located had little street lighting, although, you hadn't felt the anxiety of being robbed or something worse. the day went lingeringly and horrible due to the boss who declared you as a temporary deputy, piled you up with a stack of papers.
but, this is life, anything might happen. all of a sudden, you overheard something behind you but as you looked back - there was nobody, as soon as you turn your head to the starting position, you saw a young, skinny man who is holding a knife in his hand.
'hmm~ look who's here, a young, gorgeous lady..' he said with his disgusting, lewd voice, coming closer to you. 'would you mind playing with me? don't be shy or els-'
you have a perky personality, no doubt, but because of how hard the day was, you had one option - run for the hills. before you could do any movements as if hit the man or run away, something prompt hit him, like a swift meteorite that you couldn't see. a cloud of dust grew around you and the man, so you hide your face in the elbow curve, covering your mouth with another hand.
as soon as the dust had settled, in front of you opened up on the view of an adult man. he was high, had an athletic, broad-shouldered, pretty impressive figure. your savior held the blade in one hand, flopped on his back.
'he ran away like a coward. don't worry, girl, you saved, thanks to me' he laughed, he stroked himself on the shoulder, as were about to leave the dead body.
'no i'm not! i'd have protected myself on my own'
you refuted his smugness, watching as he slowly moves his torso in your way, flaunting his outlining muscles through the fabric of the black t-shirt. his complacent eyes and the sharp scar over the right side of the mouth on the edge of his lips. you took a deep breath, continuing on your path as he isn't standing there, not hadn't protected you.
'you're too weak to beat even him, if not me, you'd be-'
'i am stronger as i may look'
he giggled, in a flash stood in front of you, bending over to your face, by finger tugs your face up to look at him directly in eyes, smirked.
'are you sure, girl?'
those green, almost emerald, but cold eyes looked directly into yours as two faces were as closed as you could kiss his lips.
'i'll walk you home'
'i don't want to, and anyway, maybe you're his partner in crime, leave me alon-'
previous to you had finished your phrase, he threw your tiny body on his shoulder, leisurely walking, better say, carrying you home. you beat his back, softly reminiscent of a parody of the word 'let me go, moron, i can walk by myself'
'tch, fine, idiot,' he deliberately shrugged his shoulder to close your mouth as heard the name you had given him. 'by the way, what's your name or you prefer the name idiot?' you said sarcastically.
'for you it's toji'
well.
as a result of your crawl and also being talkative when clearly you shouldn't be, you ended up being in a relationship with a man, who'd obviously fuck you on the first date, as it may count as a 'date', anywhere-anytime, by the way.
although you wouldn't ever say he isn't hot or sexy, conversely, you willingly allow him to breed, precisely you'd beg toji to breed you on the straightaway on the cervix, but for one thing.
you're a virgin.
hilariously - it's true. nothing bad to be in your age a virgin, but if you weren't dating toji it'd fine: his dirty jokes and lustful eyes which are maddening you insane, also his fucking athletic body which is outlining through the t-shirt or white cotton shirt [he wear it once] you thought he did it purposely: he knew your secret, undoubtedly could sniff your chaste nature as if you can emit fragrance.
on the second date, it had been nine days since you got acquainted with him, as you moved in with him. toji was exceedingly obsessed with every step of yours - he followed you from the work, in the mall or market, for your security and control every guy who'd be close to you.
although, you couldn't hide your addiction - he's a drug you should be careful with or you might be addicted as if you ain't. he isn't wearing pants in home, walking in front of you solely in underwear. he could walk from the shower in a terry towel wrapped around his torso as he buries his hands in his dark hair mess it up.
'what are you looking at, girl?'
you couldn't take your eyes off his bulging..
'you. just you. i'm gonna cook dinner, something.. special?'
'eggs, baby'
fushiguro put hands above the door frame, exhale and tensed every muscle, narrowing predatory eyes as you were the extraction he was target for. you're laying on his king size bed [lol i'm sorry i'm out], wondering is everything he has gotten measured in king size as he interupted your reflection by putting the knee on the edge of the bed.
'mine. in your pussy'
as if you're bewitched - you couldn't talk, just contemplate as he leisurely moves towards you. you couldn't contravene as he tugs your face to ogle in your absentminded eyes as you're avoiding his gaze, looking at the ceiling or door or even window. not. at. his. bulge.
your heart had stuck in your throat when toji ran his hand under his shirt, certainly, he has a kink of dominion, when he suddenly stopped. despite of your uncertainty and timid of subsequent play, you looked at his emerald eyes as he licks his lips with a tongue.
'are you sure, baby girl? i mean, it's your first time after all'
you quell your forthcoming question staring deeply into lascivious eyes, put hands on his massive shoulders. as you anticipated, his cock twitched as toji letting out a low groan in your ear, kissing your temple. you're absentmindedly running finger pads on his back, not knowing the proximity of bodies that are readiness wanted to intertwine together. not knowing how much it turns him on.
'stop me if i go crazy over your body, okay?'
as if. as if you dare would rip out his tongue off your crotch as he makes you his woman. toji left on your red cheeks quick kisses, took off the towel. you shut your eyes tight, still holding his shoulders barely squeeze them, letting out a hushed moan.
after you quelled your moan, toji touched your lips against his one, running fingers on your lower stomach to the cup of the breast without touching the hard nipple. light movements mixed with his muted groans. his pads deftly touched one areola as you emitted a sharp purr, arching your back a little as a dulcet sign for toji.
you dug your fingers into toji's back, as he put a finger on your hard nipple, holding himself as to grab your tits and clench it in his large hand.
you gasp for the air as if there was a catastrophic shortage of it due to the pressed body of toji. you responded at his deep kiss, wrapping hands around his neck, apparently begging for something more.
he pulled away from the kiss just to take off the shirt he has given you, baring your untouched by no one but him tits, leading palms onto breasts, skipping nipples between the gaps through fingers. he reached down to your lips to give a bit of warning kiss as he slightly bit your lip, kissing all the way down to your collarbone, finally leaving there manifestations of hickeys.
for how long toji has been stopped from leaving on your stunning skin his marks? it seems it has been absolutely not many days but toji, as you may see, clearly has to leave labels on your neck.
he dug his teeth into your neck, frantically wants your area to be dotted by him as a token for everyone meaning: she's taken, dude, don't mess up with her.
for how long toji has been stopped from touching your sensitive area as having been feel warmth and tenderness is emitted from your body?
toji squeezes your nipple imponderable, to make you feel some kind of power over you becoming submitted by toji fushiguro, a sorcerer killer, a man who owned you, spinning the pea between pads, making you let out whimpers.
'you drive me insane, little one,' he approached his face close to the breasts, touched your pea with his tongue cautiously, as not to frighten you away. 'i'm gonna make your pussy drool beneath me, completely own you as my little girl'
you feel yourself gush beneath him, burying hands in his messy hair as your breath has stuck in the throat as toji snuggles his lips on your tits, sucking your hard and probably swollen from teasing. fushiguro has made you became wet in your panties as he's moistening your breast, hearing your precipitous whimpers.
'toj-toji, i don't know-'
'tch, little girl, relax your body and let daddy do the rest'
as he pronounced, he moves down, leaving the trace of wet kisses on your stomach, massaging your hips, stopping his action to look at your red face. your chest heaves heavily every time you feel toji's silky lips on your belly as his finger pads caressing your thighs. as if something weighty is resting on your chest you take deep breathes, breathlessly exhaling.
'spread your legs'
you obediently did what he said, hesitating a bit as the only fabric holding him back to bury his mouth against your pussy, assembling all juices, tasting your cum as if it's his meal. he rested kisses on the fabric of panties, couldn't sate with tender kisses he spreads on your body.
deliberately run tongue on your labia through the thin fabric as you were about to push his hand from your crotch as toji grab you by the hips, pulling you closer. he slackens his teasing actions by kissing your inner thighs. as your cunt was lack of attention from toji, you let out a pliant whimper, approximately woefully have purred.
toji's self-restraint thinning as you're silently begging with your eyes and your hands immeasurably are burying in his dark hair. the tip of his tongue deftly sideline panties, flicked it, as he discovered a divine view on your drooling hole.
'stop me now, because i won't be able to hold back later'
teasufully kissing your labia and area around the place he should be playing with as anticipating for some pliant whimpers of you, deliberately showing you he'll lick that swollen clit, pressing a soft kiss on the skin instead. fushi's shattering your hopes of being eating every time he kissed literally everything and lick everywhere besides your hole and clit. he acts like an inexperienced teenager, notwithstanding, you know that toji'd ruin or demolish your holes like a monster.
't-toji..'
'yes, my little girl' he pressed the tip of his tongue on your clit, hearing those moans he's willing to listen for the rest of his life, then take away as you were about to press his mouth back again, digging his tongue deep inside you, although he obviously couldn't reach to your cervix, barely permeate in your hole.
'you want me to eat your little pussy?'
as if you can't talk, you nodded. scarcely reached up to take off the last thing, leisurely pulling down the panties, staring at you as a predator. toji is standing on his knee on the bed, threw your ankles on his shoulders, smooching ankles watching as to how your cheeks are becoming pinky, as you try not to look at his dick. still, you're a timid one, despite your words.
he reached to your face to give you a voluptuous kiss, returning to the starting position.
'look at your pretty pussy'
he kissed your clit in a flash replace into the tongue, making a circles on swollen and needy spot, decisively giving you what've been begging for. running the tip of the tongue on your virgin hole, leaving it for the dessert, returning to your clit.
you'd swear to god you can see stars in the ceiling as toji squeezing your nipples while moistening you. the proximity of his face in your pussy is driving you insane, for the days of cohabitation you understood he isn't a tender one, vice versa, he'd fuck you whenever his dick gets erect. maybe it's a rush of tenderness, maybe it's the fear of hurting his girl. nevertheless, you not scared to give toji full control of your body and bring you to your first orgasm by ripping the hymen. if that's i may call the way he's licking you, it'd be make-out with your pussy, due to his relentless movements by flicking his tongue on the clit.
'baby,' he pulled away from it, as you squeeze a sheet, making your knuckles become whiten as you spread legs wider, watching his mocking grin appeared on the face. 'i'll be gentle' he pressed his lips on your forehead, taking from the bedside table lubrication to low the friction. although, the thought of his dick ripped the hymen, putting all his tenderness in your first time, make your knees get shaken.
he put a soft kiss on your lips, smearing lubrication on his dick, substitute cock on the entrance. abrupt and penetrating pain wavily covered your body as you feel soft lips covered your mouth, blunting the pain with one hand being dug in your hip, painting illegible traces. another hand he put on your cheek, drawing circles with his thumb, waiting till getting used to the pain.
toji will find lots of red stripes from your nails on his back, smirked, as reminiscing about that special night when he made you his woman. his broad back was made merely for you to leave thousand and thousand fingernail impressions every night. toji had let a low groan as he feels as you move fingertips to the neck, exhaling in his chest.
he entered all his dick inside you feeling as your walls compressing the base, getting used to being full with his thick cock. you're indulging at the new, mind-blowing feeling, give him sheepish kisses as you're scared to be rejected. he moves his palm from the cheek to the ear, running fingers through your tangled but soft to the touch. you nudged your hips up, intermittently letting your breath out.
'tch, if you're not feeling well, i can come-'
'more, toji, more'
without breaking up kiss, he pulled out cock to the tip as pulling it again slowly, stretching your walls, touching with the tip your cervix as his balls touching your ass, groaning in the kiss, softly caress your thigh. you moved your palms to the shoulder, touching the musculature, going down to the biceps wrapping his arm as another hand attempting to draw patterns on the back as if it a canvas for you.
you can feel every vein, curve, and the way his tip is expanding gummy walls, as toji diligently coming in, adjusting inside you then pulling out. you're focusing on how full you're with his cock inside, your clarity gradually getting mushed as the sharp pain turning into a pleasurable and delightful feeling. sating to the new feeling might get addiction, but you're far beyond to accept that, surrendering to your lover as he gets addicted to it. you grasp for his shoulders, as he nudged in you, leaving whimpers from your mouth.
'like that, huh?' he pulled his cock out to contemplate as your facial expression have changed: you furrowed eyebrows as felt your hole being empty without thick toji's cock, practically purring like a march cat. 'beg me for it, baby'
what an insatiable man you've got. he licked his lips, looking down on it. your hymen has left blood, as he glanced at you to see his future wife your reaction.
'i-i toji, it's..'
he hummed, returning to your lips, slowly giving back the missing part.
'you okay?' you nodded as a response; he's perceiving fullness as wants to fill you up, but desperately be tempered himself, blaming he didn't wear a condom to do it. a dozen of half-moons will be littering your hips as toji's digging nails, scrambled your mind with squelches pushes in your hole. 'relax, baby girl, i'm here' he thrusts inside the spongy spot, ripping another moan out of you, voluptuous to his ears. 'baby~ you tease me with those moans of yours'
his cock was aimed at a place inside your vagina, with a slow but deep thrust skillfully reaching your cervix, massaging with the tip of his cock that spot. toji's staring at your pleased, satisfied face as he found that needy place of yours.
holding on to the headboard in the bed as support, clutching the sheet with his other hand like the composure he was rapidly losing with each thrust into your hole, formerly virgin cunt, letting out a heavy sigh, tilting his head back.
wiggling the pelvis backward and forwards as heard beneath his body your whimpers, feeling replenishment on his skin to his previous strips, losing remains self-control as your walls have been clenching his cock, as your body gets shaking as his, preparing the body for the coming ecstasy.
'toji, mh~' you tilted the head back on the pillow, wrapping legs around his pelvis, quelling moans while arching back against his chest. you're milked [? correct if i'm wrong] his cock, shuddering. you felt his lips on your cheeks, as he's covering your wet face in kisses, pulling cock out.
'damn, baby, probably-' he stroke his hard cock a couple of times before releasing his cum onto your belly. fushiguro ran fingers from the hairline, wiping beads of sweat from the hairline through hair. 'are you good?'
as you're still catching your breath you rested on your face a slight smile, closing eyes. he giggled, getting out of bed.
'almost made a baby' it took him a second or two, to lift you up in my arms, leading into the bathroom. 'i'm gonna clean you up, my baby. but you could fall asleep in my arms, you did such a good job by taking my cock' he kissed your forehead, wiping your drops of sweat.
'i love you, toji'
he put you on the washing machine, turning away from you to fill the tub. what went unnoticed was his relaxed smile after your phrase.
'i love you more, little one'
(◕‿◕)
↳ back to the main master list.
i feel i made lots of mistakes, like, idk. correct me if smth i did wrong.
i remember my promise to do one more work with toji, so lately i'll write hdc + drabble with him.
#jjk oneshot#jjk x reader#jjk toji#jjk toji fushiguro#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen oneshot#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro jujutsu kaisen#toji fushiguro smut#toji x reader#toji zenin#toji smut#toji imagine#o my god i am simping again#i am here again#toji jjk#toji fushiguro fanfic#jjk touji#fushiguro touji
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fic recs 2.0!
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
Canonverse
I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)
I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.
Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.
"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.
a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it
on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)
“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”
hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible
dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)
Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.
dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh
Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)
Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.
hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !
walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)
Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.
S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god
the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)
Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."
MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god
Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)
Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.
Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs
JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS.
hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)
Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.
they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)
In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.
sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...
an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)
Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.
The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.
hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life
Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)
This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny.
ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...
love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)
ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!
These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.
for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot
the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)
“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”
“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.
And it used to belong to someone else.
this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out
Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)
Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.
cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much
Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)
The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.
written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3
sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)
"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.
very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good
Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)
“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”
Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.
early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please
Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)
Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.
Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.
oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)
“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”
Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.
“I mean it,” Dean insisted.
“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”
hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good
The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)
He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.
this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)
Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.
hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3
First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)
“We should go on a date. You and me.”
Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.
“I’m asking you out, Cas.”
this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together
Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)
Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”
op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible
the shape you take by noviembre (10k)
“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”
And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”
Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:
Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.
Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”
--
Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.
dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you
Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)
Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).
yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?
you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)
Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.
Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.
love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean
The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)
While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.
a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible
No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)
“We should fuck,” Dean says.
Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.
There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.
Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”
literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex
Bodies by Speary (18k)
It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.
i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality
it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)
So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.
“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”
“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.
Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.
“What do you remember, Cas?”
“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."
or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?
BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)
Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.
He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.
Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.
this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!
Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)
"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."
Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.
Dean was done with this shit.
***
Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.
it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease
I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)
His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.
His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.
this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this
To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)
Title: Just One of Those Things
Author: Impala67
Series: TOS
Rating: M
Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.
In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.
mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)
“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot
Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)
After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.
Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.
yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much
Emergence by ellispark (58k)
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god
a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved
Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended
Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read
Casefic/Roadtrip Fic
Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)
Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.
He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.
Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.
Castiel stills.
“Dean?”
the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much
before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)
The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.
chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)
Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.
fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.
thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)
After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.
OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.
this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good
Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)
It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.
actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this
best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)
It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.
the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)
This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.
alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times
Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)
Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.
Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.
Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.
hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much
Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?
one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3
Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial
Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)
Based on the tumblr textpost:
jellydeans:
so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time
katebushstandean:
#jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store
this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face
Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)
“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.
Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.
“What is it, Cas?”
“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.
“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”
There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.
dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)
Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.
It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.
Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.
Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.
Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.
i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much
Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)
Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.
Dean will tell him—
Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.
cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3
dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)
Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.
Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.
obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny
Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)
The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.
Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.
the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good
Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)
When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:
Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.
The reality of the moment is this:
It’s fucking cold.
dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences
my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
--
In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am
killing time by orestespdf (11k)
It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.
(A character study of Castiel.)
perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.
and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)
Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.
--
aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.
a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah
for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)
'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken
"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "
Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.
mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.
Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)
"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."
Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.
EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal
what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)
It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.
~~~
"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"
"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."
deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic
Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)
Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.
So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.
And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.
"Hello, Dean."
oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this
break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss
ascend by quiettewandering (53k)
Something in the world is wrong.
Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.
But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should
oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)
Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying
Endverse
final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)
“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”
"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."
endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god
The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)
The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."
this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds
to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)
cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.
oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao
the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)
The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.
this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach
Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)
There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.
The outcome's known. Why try?
Return your rusty sword to battered sheath,
bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why
take the field when you cannot win the war?
But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.
PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.
Non Supernatural AUS
Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)
Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”
Reflexively, Dean laughs.
Castiel does not.
“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”
look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it
One White Lie by komodobits (11k)
Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.
He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”
do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.
separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)
Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.
~~~
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.
God, he's so fucking stupid.
Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.
"Three years ago," Cas prompts.
Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."
this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please
Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)
The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.
(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).
this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him
Non Destiel Centric
gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)
sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want?
HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god.
the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)
Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.
required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good
Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)
In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)
for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3
Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)
Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."
this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this
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because I just want him to be real.... this post is the result of me ignoring my responsibilities 💀 made this in class, it's not meant to be taken too seriously. just a bunch of my stupid little thoughts put into one post. quite lengthy in comparison to my usual posts too
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modern au Sal
definitely plays video games
he didn't have friends for such a long time so he had nobody to hang out with in his free time as a kid
would most definitely have a bunch of online friends tho bc he's cool like that
sal as your long distance bf (best friend or boyfriend, read it whatever way u want) ... thoughts are being thunk
not gonna lie the only reason I'm making this is bc I'm obsessed with gamer!sal
I just wanna play games with him man
he'd literally be so funny you can't convince me otherwise
so quiet and reserved in real life but the moment he's on the internet again it's like a switch is being flipped and he's completely different
because he doesn't have to worry about people judging him through a computer screen (this is the second time I'm projecting lol)
playing games with him until late at night aaah
pulling all nighters together while in vc
the dream
but don't get too ahead of yourself because it would take a while until he's comfortable with vcing
it's scary at the beginning
listen I couldn't give any less of a shit about snapchat but if he had it he would not send pics of his face... he'd send pics where u can only see the side of his mask and a bit of his hair
nothing else ever
wouldn't like instagram
mostly bc yknow.... he wouldn't like taking pics of himself let alone posting them lol
more of a twitter enjoyer
he's just there for the fandoms
I don't think he'd tweet much, he'd probably lurk for the most part and if you're lucky you might be able to talk to him in dms if he's not feeling too shy lol
idk about tiktok
he's probably not the biggest fan but when he's super bored it's the first app he thinks of opening
definitely doesn't post on there
might cave in and let you make a tiktok with him after a lot of convincing
but he'd probably force you to keep the comments off or upload it on friends only because I don't think he'd want to deal with peoples questions about his mask
would probably pull pranks on you that are trending on there every now and then
him pulling them off or not depends on how much you spend your time on the app
if you know what trend he's about to do just let him do it for his sake pls
trying to think of what his fashion sense would be but
head empty idk I can't think of anything, I can't see him having a specific style
he just wears whatever looks good
if y'all can think of something for this tho send in an ask ahaha I'm curious wink wonk
if he ever feels like texting you a little but he can't think of what to say he's just gonna send you that cup pong game invite
"Let's Play Cup Pong" is a notification you get from him quite often.. at the most random times too
you're not complaining tho... unless you're not rockin with cup pong? 🤨
instead of a gameboy he uses a switch for his paranormal stuff
his switch lite is blue to be exact
larrys is yellow yes I make the rules
you and the squad play mario kart together often
he's definitely good at it
he'd probably like puzzle games? idk he's smart and smart people like those
like outlast for example
resident evil too
it's just something about horror games
I don't think he'd get scared enough to scream... he'd probably just flinch a little
he's too concentrated lol cute
but just bc he likes horror games the most doesn't mean he wouldnt play chill games like animal crossing
playing acnh with him during quarantine
having little island decorating competitions to see who can make the prettiest island entrance or prettiest house living room
he loses almost every time lol
I can't see him being too creative
I've been going on for so long omg I need to end this here
if you've read this entire thing thank you lol
might make more of these
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Get Some - Tierna Davidson x Reader
Prompt: So I’ve got an idea for Tierna x Reader where they’ve just started dating after quarantined together in Chicago but haven’t told the team yet because they don’t want to mess up the dynamics right before the Olympics. Nobody really suspects anything bc they are both pretty tame at camps, and bc reader has severe baby face the team is always teasing her about being an innocent little fetus forgetting she is actually like 24. So when R shows up to Orlando camp in a bulky hoodie they think nothing of it assuming it’s from Chicago weather until they notice she refuses to take it off and keeps adjusting the hood to keep part of her neck covered. They let her be thinking maybe she’s just cold until she shows up ready for practice with her winter mock neck on under her practice jersey the next day. After they force her to take it off bc it’s 80° out they discover the hickeys she was trying to hide, along with the scratches on her back and freak out bc someone is “defileing the fetus” and grill her trying to figure out who it is while Tierna is just smirking to herself by her locker.
TL/DR: Tierna x Reader trying and failing to hide r’s “love marks” featuring Proud!Tierna and BabyFace!Reader
Note - this awesome human, pretty much wrote this me.
“Cold munchkin?” Alex teased the forward as she sat next to her in the team meeting. Her hood up, sweater strings tied.
“Not all of us live in constant heat and humidity Morgan. I bet you’re jealous of my lack of tan too,” Y/N winked back, tugging the sweater tighter around her neck.
Tierna grinned behind them, struggling to stifle her laughter.
“Of course she’s jealous! Who wouldn’t want to look like this?” Rose slid in on the other side of Y/N.
“Yea Alex, pale is the new tan,” Sonnett squeezed Alex’s traps from behind as she sat down next to Tierna.
Alex rolled her eyes at unexpected turn.
Vlatko called attention to the rest of the room, starting the meeting for the start of camp.
Tierna kicked the back of Y/N chair while she continued to try and hide her grin from everyone around her. Lindsey giving her a strange look.
At the end of the meeting, everyone made their way to the banquet room for supper, still all separated until everyone’s test results came in.
“Hey kiddo, you need someone to cut up your food at supper?” Kelley teased, nudging the forward as she made her way to her own seat.
“Ha ha,” Y/N fake laughed, rolling her eyes, “because I’m not old enough to have my knife.”
“You got it,” Kelley winked, shooting her air guns across the table.
After that conversation flowed easily, the players all talking to each other from a distance, making the room busy and loud; everyone eager to catch up.
After supper, Y/N and Tierna attempted to stall, hoping to steal a brief moment together before they all had to spend the night alone in their rooms.
“We should just tell them we had been quarantined in Chicago together, then we could be together,” Tierna tugged on Y/N’s sleeve, swinging both their arms back and forth.
“You need T to walk you to your room, so you don’t get lost?” Ali teased as she walked by.
“Where the hell does everyone keep coming from,” Tierna grumbled quietly, while Y/N rolled her eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that day.
“I’m not a child!” Y/N stomped her foot.
“Great argument kiddo,” Pinoe held a thumbs up as she walked past to the elevator.
“I can find my own room!” Y/N called after her, starting to walk away, only to feel another firm pull on her sleeve. She glanced down to see Tierna still holding on, looking up to see the smirk on her girlfriends face.
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to tuck our kid into bed.” Tierna started to pull Y/N towards the stairs by her sleeve.
Once out of site of the rest of the team, Tierna pinned Y/N against the wall, untieing the strings to her hood. Nosing it out of her way, Tierna started kiss along her jaw line, placing a firm bite to her ear.
“I am addicted to you,” Tierna pulled the collar out of the way, moving her lips to Y/N’s collar bone, scrapping her teeth on it, then soothing it with a gentle kiss.
“Fuck T,” Y/N tilted her head back, giving Tierna more room to kiss. Her hand gripping the back of Tierna’s neck, other sliding under her shirt, scrapping her nails across her ribs.
Tierna sucked harshly Y/N throat, pulling back to see the result, a deep red mark already beginning to turn purple. “You’re going to need to ask the staff for a neck warmer tomorrow,” she whispered into Y/N’s throat, scrapping her teeth across the bruise.
Y/N pulled her hand out from Tierna’s shirt, placing her palms on her chest, debating if she should push her away. She loved what was happening, but knew they needed to stop before things got carried away, or Tierna left any more marks.
“Fuck T,” Y/N groaned out, beginning to push the defender away, “we aren’t in quarantine anymore, people can actually see us now, more importantly, our team can see now.”
“Hmm that would be unfortunate if someone saw these,” Tierna smirked as she leaned back in, attempting to place more kisses along Y/N’s neck. Only for Y/N to push more firmly against her chest.
“You’re killing me babe,” Y/N bit her lip, trying to hold back her smile. Tierna looking completely unashamed, bit the air in front of Y/N, beginning to slide her hands up the front of Y/N’s shirt, digging her thumbs into her hips. Y/N moaned at the pressure, hips pressing out for more contact.
With a brief kiss to Y/N’s lips, Tierna pulled away completely, taking three large steps back and holding her hand out.
“Come on, I promised to make sure you make it to bed safe,” she winked, wiggling her fingers to encourage Y/N to grab.
“I hate you,” Y/N said gruffly, stepping forward to take Tierna’s hand.
“No you don’t,” she sung back, swinging their arms back and forth as they began walking up the stairs.
“I do a little bit,” she mumbled, looking away from the brunette, knowing her faux seriousness would crack as soon as she saw the large smile her girlfriend had on.
“Nope!” Tierna accentuated the ‘p’ at the end, swinging their arms higher, finally earning a giggle from her girlfriend. Her ability to go from pinning Y/N to the wall and leaving hickeys across her neck to innocent and childlike was incredible.
Y/N finally gave in completely and burst out laughing as they climbed the stairs, pushing her shoulders into the taller soccer player. The two gently wrestling the rest of the way up the stairs, separating as they made it to their floor.
Tierna walked Y/N to her door, making a show of it, “I’m just down the hall if you have any bad dreams,” she ruffled her hair and began to walk away. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
Several loud laughs could be heard from the doors that still remained open.
The next morning players prepared for practice on the side lines, tugging on cleats and debating on long sleeves or short sleeves, Y/N tugged her neck warmer on, tugging it all the way up to her ears.
“Yo, Chicago, shouldn’t you be used to the cold?” Kristie teased as they made their on the turf to warm up.
“Rude! I’m delicate!”
“Yea Kris be nice to the little kid,” Alex came from behind, rubbing her hands up and down Y/N’s biceps. “you cold? Do you need a sweater? Gloves?”
Y/N pulled out of Alex’s hands, rolling her eyes, “I’m fine, just a little chilly this morning.”
Everyone left it for the rest of the morning training.
Y/N was not as lucky that afternoon. Everyone offering warmer items of clothing when they saw her wearing the neck warmer again in the afternoon.
“Are you sick?” Christen reached up, attempting to feel Y/N’s forehead. Y/N was quick to duck out of the way, swatting Christens hand.
“Seriously guys, I’m fine, just not adjusting well to the climate change or something,” Y/N tried to avoid glaring at Tierna, knowing the defender would a smirk on her face throughout it all.
“Are you sure Y/N/N? Should we get the trainers?” know Tierna decided to join in the conversation. Y/N looked sharply at her girlfriend, clenching her jaw, she was the reason for the interrogation.
“I’m fine,” Y/N snarked to the group, “It’s a neck warmer, just drop it.”
“It is way to humid put here right now for you to be chilled,” Ali came over, rubbing her hand on Y/N’s shoulder, sensing the forwards discomfort at being put on the spot. But also concerned for the younger woman, no one should be chilled in the mid-afternoon Florida heat.
The entire practice everyone kept an eye on the younger soccer player. As the intensity of the practice increased, Y/N continued to tug at the neck warmer she was wearing. The hair at the base of her skull soaked with sweat, the collar of shirt drenched the entire away around, face flushed as she heated up.
At the end of practice, Y/N attempted to pull her hoodie over head after she had pulled the neck warm off. Unfortunately, she was not quick enough her movements, the hem getting caught on her sweaty, tangled bun.
“What in the actual fuck happened to your neck?” Pinoe explained, stopping Y/N from pulling the sweater on, gaining the attention of the rest of the team.
Kelley quickly bounded over, pulling the collar of her practice shirt out of the way. The rest of the team now all looking on.
“What happened to your neck?” Alex came over as well, thumb and forefinger holding Y/N’s chin, moving her head around, inspecting the now very prominent hickeys spread across the neck, collar bone, and upper chest.
A loud cat call whistle was heard from behind and “Oh damn” thrown from someone else, follow up with “get some!”
“No! Don’t get anything!” Christen shot the group of young players a hard look, eyes sharp when she looked back to Y/N, “who did this to you?”
“What? This?” Y/N motioned to her neck, “I, uhh, got a tour of the aquarium. They let me hold one of the octopuses.” She finished with a firm nod, satisfied with her answer, smiling to herself.
Tierna remained on the bench a few feet away, coughing to cover her sudden laugh at the terrible story.
“Bullshit!” Alex challenged, still holding Y/N chin firmly. Y/N attempted to pull away, Alex adjusted her grip, palming her jaw.
“Who did this to you?” Christen asked again.
“You’re like 12! No one should be doing this to you!”
“I’m 24,” Y/N rolled her eyes, attempting to pull away, only to be pulled back in.
“You are far too young to young to have hickeys!”
“I’ve had sex before.”
“No! you are not old enough to have sex!”
By now, Tierna was leaning back on the bench, watching as all the older players harassed her girlfriend, all unaware she was the cause of the marks on the young forward. She spread her arms on the back of the bench, leg casually crossed over the other, smug smile.
“Welp,” she popped the ‘p’, “I’ve kissed people, given hickeys, been hickied,” she motioned to her neck again, “and even had sex. Really good, mind blowing sex.” With a wink, Alex finally let her step out of her grip.
“Eww! No!”
“Y/N! Enough, tell us who did this to you? We obviously need to talk to them if they are doing things like this to you.”
“Guys, quit being so dramatic,” Y/N rolled her eyes, attempting to take another step away from the over protective players.
“No no no, come back here,” Tobin stepped forward now. “That ones fresh!” she copied Alex’s motion earlier, gripping her jaw and tilting it up to the expose the fresh hickey on the side.
This caused them all to step closer and inspect the hickey for themselves. Tierna uncrossed her legs, sitting up a little straighter, smile slipping slightly.
“That means its someone at camp!” Kristie called from behind all the veterans.
Y/N eyes went wide, smile fully dropping from Tierna’s face. The overprotective players all looking around, scanning each player, trying to determine who it could be.
“Is it a player? Staff? Coach?” Alex looked firmly at the younger forward.
“Gonna go save your girl?” Alyssa slid onto the bench next to Tierna on the bench, smirking at her.
“What?” Tierna whispered, shocked, eyes darting quickly to the keeper.
“Well,” Alyssa started slowly, “most of those are old, so they happened in Chicago, and you, me, and Y/N/N were the only ones there together. And there’s a fresh one since we got here. And since I didn’t do it, that only leaves you.” She firmly poked Tierna in the chest.
Tierna opened and closed her mouth. “Umm, uhh, fuck.”
“I won’t tell, but you might want to go save her over there. You know none of them are going to drop it until they figure it out,” Alyssa shrugged, “besides it’s your fault really. You are the one that put those one there.”
Tierna continued to open and close her mouth, then watched as the veterans continued to ask Y/N who It was and beginning to call out several of the younger players who were all enjoying the small interrogation.
“Fuck,” Tierna sighed out, she slapped her thighs and pushed herself to stand. “Kell, Stanford should take your degree away.”
Kelley whipped around to glare at Tierna as she walked toward the group, “what are you talking about?”
“You’re really not very observant,” Tierna smirked at her, “I’m going to let you guys think on this a little more, Y/N/N and I are going to head back to the hotel for supper.”
Y/N smirked and skipped toward the defender.
Everyone watched them walk away, mouth open, eyebrows creased.
“Wait,” Lindsey perked up, smile growing as she figured it out, “weren’t they both in Chicago together?”
That brought all eyes over to the midfielder.
“Yes!” Kelley pointed at her, “they did! Baby T defiled baby Y/N!”
“Shit, I thought we would get further away,” Tierna tugged Y/N’s hand encouraging them to run towards an available van.
“We aren’t done with this!” Alex yelled after them.
#uswnt x reader#uswnt imagines#uswnt imagine#tierna davidson x reader#tierna davidson imagine#tierna davidson imagines
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I literally love the idea of Elyan adopting the Druid ghost boy it’s just 🥺🥺🥺 it’s so lovely
Do you have any headcanons about it/ about their relationship/ things they get up to together that you can share without spoiling the story if you’re still writing it 🥰 (I’d love to hear them but don’t worry if you’re saving them for the fic 😊💕)
LOSIGN my mind there is so much i want to do with this and i've barely written any of it down but tysmmm for this ask <333
so i recently realised i could set the fic after In the moment we're lost and found so that's happening :D
everything that happened in 4x10 is the same except gwen's already queen and lancelot's still alive cos ain't nobody got time for that shit
the boy is found in the woods by a patrol like the day after freezing cold soaking wet and absolutely terrified
elyan's the only one he lets near him and to start with he lives in the next door room to him in the knight's corridor and has nightmares like every night
after a few nights of this they move into the smith's old house in the lower town that gwen's just left so the boy's not literally surrounded by the source of his trauma
the boy's still pretty terrified and el's pretty eehhhh about the knights and everything now anyway so lowkey quits and starts working part time at the forge bc the people they gave it to have just had a baby so it works out well
the boy is scared of the dark, water, silence and cold so the forge despite not being the most child friendly place you can think of is actually really good for him :D
poor elyan's going through a very confusing time bc he went through this trauma that's completely turned his view of arthur and the knights and literally everything upside down he and percival literally just confessed their feelings and kissed, he's barely thought about ever being a parent and KAZOINK suddenly he's got this kid who is dependent on him he's up every night with him he's worrying about how he can ever be as good a father as tom was even when he had to work so much of the time and elyan can afford not to do that but what if he lets the kid down anyway like he lets everyone down-
thankfully he has gwen and percival to help him as the boy starts to trust them too and el doesn't have to do this alone :')
gwen teaches the boy knitting and brings him cakes and she's the second person he becomes comfortable around
el's like to percy ik we weren't expecting this and you didn’t sign up for this and its ok if you don't want to be with me- and percy's like wellll you didn't sign up for this either maybe let's just see what happens?
percival's mother was a druid so he's familiar with some of their traditions and stuff some of which the boy remembers so that helps a bit and he's so gentle and def had younger sibs and even though the boy doesn't trust him to start with he does grow to
it doesn't happen officially in the fic but yeah later on percy adopts the boy too :D
the boy still gets overwhelmed when there's a lot of people and different noises so gwen makes him a matching hoodie thing to el to help block out some of the sound :D
he really likes hugs but only from elyan and even when he starts to make happy memories and isn't so frightened he doesn't really talk or smile much but no one ever bugs him about it <3
he doesn't remember very much of his life before and doesn't even remember his own name which is so sad but elyan tells him he can pick a new one for himself like el did himself and after elyan tells him about his dad he settles on thomas <3
i do have another fic set like four years later even tho the timelines are a bit shaky that's much more likely to get finished and is basically just pure fluff, magic's been legalised over the course of the last fic, elyan and percy are married and thomas has a little sister, percy's left the knights too and is the physician's (merlin's) assistant, and things are just wonderful 🥰
#thank you willllll 💙💙💙💙#i love this fic sm but there's so MUCH idk if it'll ever get written :')#bbc merlin#sir elyan#my fic#ask#oh yeah only thing is arthur and el kind of#are no longer friends#like el's still on the round table he adores his neice bc ofc arwen have a kid too and they get on fine but#there are some things u can't just get over and your brother in law being responsible for the death if your son is one of them#mine
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