let me spoil you bbg *pulls out these*

i’ve got a cage in a briefcase

(commissions open)

Idk man I had a thought and I had to draw it

every Captain Underpants book up until Book 9: Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers (2012)

Thing Ford Missed #212: The First Eight Captain Underpants Books

Canon fact time

azreal and patience share their favourite book series: captain underpants (sometimes they will blast the weird al yankovic captain underpants song through speakers and sing along

Also they both Feel that “the terrifying return of tippy tinkletrousers” is the best book

Lost Before the Dawn

Heather picked up her phone, turned on Siri, and said, "Hey, Siri, call Tippy Tinkletrousers."

Tippy Tinkletrousers is the mad scientist from the Captain Underpants books formerly known as Professor Poopypants. They're not real, so they can't pick up the phone. Heather phoned a fictional character because she gets antsy and needs to do things if she has to wait for an extended time. Many people she knew had a ton of theories about why she struggled with waiting. Her grandpa on her dad's side thought she couldn't tell time and didn't know how long she had to wait because of this. Her parents thought she didn't always understand the reason for waiting. Her friends thought that she was never sure what to do while waiting.

The truth was far more complicated. Things happened in Heather's life that reinforced the belief that if she didn't get it now, she would never get it, such as being in a restaurant that closed for the night before her family got a table. People told her to wait her turn even though they had no desire to include her in whatever they were doing. Worse still, the adults in her community had unrealistic expectations related to kids and patience. Her peers spent a lot of time at daycares and with babysitters with very little to do, so they got accustomed to not having anything to do for long periods. She knew a few people who would wait for two hours before phoning someone who forgot to pick them up because they could quite happily stay where they were all day.

To her shock, the phone dialed through. "Uh, hi?" Tippy asked.

Heather sat there in disbelief. "Holy crap, that worked?" she said.

"Well, yeah," Tippy scoffed, "it's a working phone number."

"No," Heather chuckled, "I didn't mean punching a number in my phone. I called you through Siri."

Tippy's demeanor went from confused to disgusted. "Oh, I see. Not funny, asshole!"

Heather couldn't stop giggling. "Yeah, it must suck sharing your name with the bad guy in Captain Underpants''. While it might have not been the appropriate thing to say, she had a point. Everybody laughs if you share your name with something from a series of kids' books about a fat superhero in his underwear.

Heather soon discovered the situation was far more complex - and far more dire - than she expected. "you don't understand! It's worse than that!" Tippy grumbled in subtle fear, "I didn't used to be Tippy Tinkletrousers!"

"Are you able to just change your name back?" she responded, oblivious to the gravity of the situation.

By now, Tippy went into a full-blown panic. "That's the problem! I can't! I'll die!" they barked before hanging up in disgust.

Suddenly, witness protection didn't feel so safe. Tippy decided to pretend that didn't happen and go back home now. Getting home was harder than it looked. Fainting in terror so hard you circled back to sleepwalking made it worse.

The walk home normally took about ten minutes. After an hour, they didn't get any closer to home.

If they were conscious, they would have known they were on the boardwalk. They would have seen the seagrass sticking up about the water, a dense layer of fog, and nothing else. The only thing that they could have seen beyond the fog would have been the odd flash of lightning. It was only dumb luck that they did not walk off the end of the dock into the drink.

They didn't know it, but Hurricane Karen would descend upon the coast.

In a matter of hours, the storm whipped up a frenzy on the ocean. The crashing waves slammed into the pier, destroying the dock and the boat launch. High winds, torrential rain and seawater slammed into buildings, bridges, the boardwalk, and ultimately Tippy!

As for Heather, she had no idea how badly she ruined, if not ended, someone's life.

@nuttynutcycle

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Captain Underpants Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkle.

Today’s villain is Professor Poopypants from Captain Underpants

requested by @thatfantasylovingdork

Captain Underpants Fanfic: Melvin and Professor Poopypants. Ch1

A few days after their defeat by the two boys and Captain Underpants, the still shrunk Professor Poopypants seeks out Melvin and asks him for help getting back on his feet. This sort of thing really didn't belong on my other blog, so im just gonna stash it here. I’m gonna try and change the title should i think of something more clever. so if you’ve got any ideas for that, then let me know.

  Melvin sat alone in his bedroom, the room dim save for the light of the sunset coming through the window and a single lamp that illuminated his cluttered, but neatly organized desk. He held his head in one hand, while the other was tapping a pencil against the table as he contemplated a collection of blueprints for a new invention of his. Thanks to the school being temporarily shut down due to… recent events having left the entire elementary school building tipped on its side; for once he was without homework to do, and could spend all his time working on some new inventions. Which of course deeply upset the school obsessed nerd, who as you could see when he walked over to his science-themed wall calendar and longingly looked at a marked off date further down, was literally counting down the days until school would resume, with the calendar also showing that the word ‘Poopageddon’ had been marked on the calendar, but had been crossed out aggressively in comparison to the clean red x’s he used to mark the passing of a day. And picking up the red pen hanging on a string from the wall, he made another red x on the paper, marking this as the third day since Professor Poopypants’s failed attempt to rid the world of laughter, before he returned to his desk to continue working. He started adding a few notes to the blueprint, when he heard a small tapping sound. Startled slightly, he looks back and forth for the source, and hearing it again, he’s able to zero in on the sound, finding that it was coming from his window. Intrigued, he slides out of his chair and heads over to investigate, where he sees a bumble bee repeatedly head-butting the window, which stops and hovers in place as it sees Melvin approach the window, giving Melvin a chance to lean in and squint at it, getting a good look at its passenger, a tiny man wearing a purple suit and a villainous smile, who waved at the boy and said a dubiously cheerful “Helloo Melvin” “Professor P?” He replies in bewilderment, opening his window and allowing the bug and tiny man riding it to fly in, making a crooked looping path around the room before coming in for a landing on the desk, and Melvin, with an expression of childlike wonder on his face, watching them go before trotting over and crouching at the edge of the table so he could watch the tiny man gracefully dismount his bumble bee at eye level, his smile getting wider as the tiny Poopypants walked up to him. “You’re so tiny professor!” “Yes yes, thank you for pointing out zhe obvious Melvin” he says sarcastically, brushing pollen off his sleeves before standing up straight with a clap of his hands and a click of his heels “Now, vhere can we find your laboratory?” “Well… I mostly just use the garage, but mom and dad have some more advanced stuff in the basement.” “Good! The more advanced the better, we need..” He’s interrupted as he sees the incoming giant hand from the grinning Melvin, clearly looking to poke the tiny professor, and freaked out a little bit with a “Vhat? What are you doing! Don’t poke me!” Arms flailing angrily to try and smack away the finger, which recoiled away, but the shouting, noise, and giant hand had spooked the Bumble bee, which took off to the shout of “NO NO NO NO NOOO!!” From Poopypants, as the bee looped around a few times before flying right back out the open window, warning a facepalm from the tiny professor, his face turning red and teeth clenching before he snapps at Melvin “UrrrggggGGGG, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!” though his anger is short lived as his tone quickly changes  to one more of misery and defeat “It’ll take me forever to catch another one of those to fly around on.” His sighs, letting out a short “Fine, fine, didn’t need it now anyway.” To calm himself down before his attention shoots up again as he looks up at Melvin, who was nervously rubbing the hand he had tried to poke Professor Poopypants with, and aggressively walks towards him, rubbing his hands together and saying. “Alright Melvin, There is no time to lose,” Coming to a stop at the edge of the table and pointing up at Melvin “Now show me around your house so I can get a feeling of what we’re working with here.” There’s a pause as Melvin collects his thoughts, before his face turns from an expression of nervousness to a judgmental look of skepticism as he leans back and crosses his arms. “Why should I?” “What?” Poopypants responds, taken aback with surprise “Why are you suddenly asking why? I thought we had a good thing going here. I talk about extra credit.. you do whatever I sayyyy… And besides! I let you tag along for the poopageddon! You think just any adult would let a fourth grader participate in that? We brainwashed a school into having no sense of humor and fought a superhero in a giant fighting robo-toilet for sciences sake! How is zhat not the coolest thing you have ever done in your adolescent life! You should owe me for at least zhis one last thing.” “Ummmm, in case you hadn’t noticed?...You aren’t a teacher anymore, so you can’t exactly give extra credit.” Melvin replies before he starts to pace back and forth a bit, still keeping his arrogant tone. “And not only that, but it turns out the extra credit you were supposed to give me for helping with your plan never went through. Believe me, I checked multiple times. So if anything, it is you, who owes me.” “Oh right, I forgot I can’t bribe the little suck up with extra credit anymore.” Poopypants angrily muttered to himself under his breath before responding to Melvin with “Fine, so I can’t give any extra credit, but you at least had to admit you had fun helping me out with my Villainous schemes right? ” “Yeah about that. You know this whole supervillain thing you’ve been doing? Having had some time to think about it…” He starts counting on his fingers as he lists his gripes, “We did kind of wreck the school, you had me skip over half a day of class without making up for it with my grades, we disrupted the other classes that day,  we got the police involved who are still out there looking for the perpetrators, and we… ” but he’s interrupted by Poopypants shout of “Uuuuuggh, Melvin get a life outside of school why don’t you!” He replies as he sits down sassily on the edge of the table, thoroughly unimpressed with Melvin’s whining. And honestly, JUST WHAT did you EXPECT to happen with my whole ‘Supervillain thing’” (doing finger quotes for supervillain thing) “We literally made a giant robot attack toilet to fight people with! And I explained to you many times about my plans to bring about a new world order! I mean, the whole thing was literally spelled out for you in a comic book even! Which I know for a fact you read multiple times!!  I could not have been more clear of my intentions.” Melvins confidence faltering, he looks at his shoe’s and fidgets. “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would get the police involved… although that does seem pretty obvious in retrospect….” “Yeah, and who’s fault is it for not picking up on the obvious?” the professors tone still dismissive and sarcastic “Mine I guess…but that still means…..It means I broke the rules! I was complicit in criminal activities for personal gain!!! I’m no better than those troublemakers George and Harold!!! I’m gonna be in so much trouble!!” Panic rising in Melvins voice as he starts clutching his head and hyperventilating, prompting Poopypants to hop up from his sitting position, waving his arms to get his attention “Whoah, whooah there Melvin”   Moving closer and leaning out to reach him from the table, the tiny professor pats Melvin on the elbow awkwardly “Hey, nobody’s getting in trouble.” The attempt at comforting having turned his panic more into holding back tears “But,*sniff* we have to turn ourselves in don’t we?” “No we don’t.” Poopypants says with a cheerful smile “*sniff*We don’t?” “Pfft, nooooo. I mean sure, maybe if we’d been a bit more successful with zha poopageddon, Maybe I’d be fine taking more credit for it. Although considering the plan was foiled by 2 fourth graders and a giant baby man in a cape…” “You mean Captain Underpants?” “Yhah Yhah. That was just embarrassing,” A bit of a chuckle in his voice, before his tone turned deadly serious “An embarrassment they’ll pay for…” Before returning to his lighthearted tone with an awkward laugh of “Who in their right mind would want to take credit for that? Really, vee should probably just cut our losses for now and call it a test run of de humor disabling technology. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t go telling the whole world every time something goes wrong while I’m testing out one of my inventions, do you?” Poopypants quickly looks at the table around him, and picks up one of the blueprints, waving it around “Like this one, vhat if it blew up in your face while you vere testing it? Would you stop everything? Go and whine to mommy and daddy that you made a mistake and then give up on it?” “No?” He responds questioningly, though looking away and fidgeting with the hem of his sweater vest, he continues glumly “...No, mother and father made it clear I shouldn’t bother them with stuff like that…” “Exactly! Because that’s what us vengeful science types do! You don’t give up and turn yourself in, you just suck it up, clean up the mess, and keep going! Because stopping everything to go tell people about it would just waste time better spent making amazing world changing inventions! ” “*sniff*I guess that’s true.” Melvin replies, wiping tears from his eyes with a bit of a smile returning to his face. “Hahhh, see? You aren’t some wimpy quitter who lets one setback get them down! So no more of that sniveling,” His tone going from comforting to mildly threatening as he continues with “And no more talk of turning anyone in.” He puts down the blueprint and trots back to more the middle of the table, putting on a more cheerful tone with a bit of spin and jazz hands. “And heyyyy, I haven’t even told you vhy I came here looking for your help yet! Cus I’ve got something pretty cool plaaaaannned.” “Are we gonna rebuild the Turbo Toilet 2000 and try to wipe out laughter again?” “No! Welllll…. Maybe later.” “But… if you don’t need my unique brain to help run the haha-guffaw-chucklomatus disabler ray, what do you need my help for?” Poopypants looks back and forth at the contents of the table, before running to grab a blank blueprint paper and a small pencil that had been sharpened almost down to the nub, which even then still seemed large in Poopypants hand. “Here, vhy don’t I just show you” Moving quickly, he smoothed out the blank blueprint and started drawing, Melvin leaning over top of him to watch. Intrigued, but still a little sniffly. ���I just need your help… building a few things… so I can get back to normal, and then, I’ll be out of your hair like it never happened.” Words sinking in, a big smile grows on Melvins face with an excited shout of “*Gasp* OH MY GOSH! YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU BUILD A NEW SIZEARATOR 2000!!!!!” He shouts, bouncing on the ball of his feet in excitement. “What! Are you crazy?” he snaps back, turning to Melvin in surprise, pausing his drawing for a moment to pace back and forth a few times “The sizearator 2000 was a masterpiece of science! It’s far too complex and delicate a machine for us to just go and build in some suburban fourth graders house! No, when I built that ray I was a scientific rockstar in my country, with a tricked out lab, the biggest scientific research grants New Swissland could provide, and like, 3 interns to help me out! Not to mention… I ALSO WASN’T STUCK BEING 3 INCHES TALL!!” Face red and steaming at that last bit, he turns away from Melvin, his anger fading about as quickly as it appeared, and his tone instead  becoming more thoughtful, taping the pencil against his chin twice in thought  before he continues drawing. “No, what you’re going to help me do is try and replicate some of my very earliest working prototypes,  vhich should give us juuuuuust enough to get me back to my normal size……. there.” With a smile, he stands up, and turns back to Melvin with a dignified pose, revealing the two blueprint drawings showing the boxy looking shrink ray and enlarging ray from the original captain underpants books, which he points to one at a time with the eraser of his nubby pencil. “One is for shrinking, the other one is for enlarging. Any questions?” Melvin leaned in, inspecting the drawings, which were a bit on the small side despite Poopypants having drawn them as large as he comfortably could, and he pointed to the image labeled as shrinking ray. “…Yeah, ummm, why should we build another shrink ray if we only need to get you back to your original size? Shouldn’t we just build the enlarging ray?” “I’ll tell you why Melvin. Because dhere is no way am I making that mistake twice!! If we vhere to only build an enlarging ray machinine, then before you know it, something would go wrong and den I’d be stuck as a giant man instead of a tiny man, which would make it even harder to build such a complex machine because I vould have giant sausage fingers. No, we are building both before we even attempt to try to resize me.” Turning back around, The Professor started expanding on the blueprints, deconstructing the ray’s and listing parts they’d need, with Melvin continuing to watch him work. “Ok Professor P…. although, I still don’t see why you need my help to build them. I mean, I’ve never even attempted anything this advanced before, and you were the one who made most of those impressive modifications to the turbo toilet 2000.” “Oh believe me Melvin.” He replies with an eye roll, but not looking up from his blueprinting. “Coming to a fourth grader for help building my signature scientific invention isn’t exactly what I’d call zhe proudest moment of my life. But being 3 inches tall makes finding anything better a real pain in the hiney!” He puts down the pencil for a moment to complain more thoroughly. “Not only do you have to constantly worry about being stepped on, or hit by a windshield, or attacked by a bird, but every little bit of distance you have to travel is like ten times as long! Like, do you have any idea how hard it is to get anywhere on a bee? You can never get them to fly in a straight line! I was getting queasy from all zhe loop-de-loops in the first 10 minutes! And zhey keep wanting to stop at every, flower, they see, it’s so annoying! And everything is so spread out. I can’t find any one place with all the materials I would need to build anything useful, and on top of that, everything is so big and heavy, even if I find what I need, I can’t transport it where it needs to go. So zhen I figure, Oh, I’ll just catch a ride to a store downtown where I can find everything I’d need for a basic robotic mech suit to even out the playing field for a while. And then, after I FINALLY managed to flag down a taxi to try give me a lift to the city, I find out, OH, apparently I can’t afford to hire a taxi, ” His face turning red  and steaming again as he takes out his wallet, grabbing a handful of cash from it “Because Cab drivers WONT ACCEPT MONEY ZHE SIZE OF CUPCAKE SPRINKES!! Furiously throwing the handful of paper money and coins, as well as his wallet, on the ground in front of him, the wallet bouncing and further spilling its contents of credit cards and coupons while the paper money fluttered softly to the ground. “In fact, NOBODY WILL!!” The tiny Poopypants was literally vibrating with anger, his hands balled into fists and his heavy breathing was through clenched teeth. Catching his breath a bit he turns to Melvin and continues to yell, though with less intensity in effort to not blame his frustrations on the boy. “For three days now I have been trapped in a 6 block radius of suburbia surrounding zhat accursed elementary school!” His head turning towards the window and pointing with one hand “Look! Look at it!” He runs across the desk, climbing a stack of books on the edge of it that’s close as he can get to the window, gesturing at it with one hand, his voice breaking and eyes turning sad as he says “This is as far as I managed to get in a full day of non-stop travel.” Before falling to his knees dramatically, clutching his face in his hands and his voice taking on a defeated tone. “And you can still see it from here.” And indeed you could. Thanks to the school having been placed on its side, it was nearly six stories tall, easily dwarfing the surrounding 2-3 story residential homes that would have normally hidden it from view in the distance. Melvins gaze turned from Professor P. to the window and back again, feeling sympathetic to the tiny man and a little bit upset with himself for having underestimated just how tough Poopypants had had it these past few days in comparison after the failure that was Poopageddon. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out to gently pat Poopypants on the back, which was very jarring for the mini man, almost knocking the glasses off his face. Spooked and quickly scrambling away and to his feet to avoid the giant hand touching him again, Poopypants tried to regain some if his composure, standing up straight with his heels together and pushing his glasses back onto his face with a finger, before saying. “Well…*ahem*” The professor clearing his throat to try and dispel some of the awkwardness. “So, vhat do you say Melvin, are we on the same page now? Can we get to work returning me to my normal size now?” “Umm, sure Professor, I mean I think so.” “EXCELENT!” With considerable speed, the energetic miniature professor quickly rolled up the blueprint he had made like it were a giant carpet and offered it to Melvin, taking the opportunity of Melvin leaning over the desk to accept the blueprint to hop onto Melvin and quickly scurry up him, startling the boy a bit though it was short lived as he quickly calmed down when The tiny professor sat down on his shoulder and said with enthusiasm. “Now, let’s go check out those laboratory’s, I wanna see what we’ve got to work with!” A somewhat evil looking grin on his face and rubbing his hands together. “Oh, I’m not supposed to leave my room during homework time.” “…….What.”

“It’s homework time, I’m not supposed to leave my room for another half an hour.” The professor sat there silently, mouth agape for a moment, then started wildly sputtering a bunch of half-finished words in shock and bewilderment, before finally being able to get out the words, “But you shouldn’t even HAVE homework! Zhe whole school is shut down!” “So?” “SO!! YOU’RE JUST SITTING AROUND IN YOUR ROOM FOR NO REASON!!” “We’ll, it’s important to keep to the schedule, and I have plenty of things to work on anyway. Didn’t your parents ever assign you a designated homework time?” “NO!!! And they certainly never made it so that I wasn’t allowed to leave my room! Like vhat if you have to go to the bathroom! ” Melvin took Poopypants  gently from his shoulder and held him out in one hand. He then leaned over and grabbed a nearby door handle with his other hand, giving it a turn and letting the door swing open. “I’ve got my own bathroom.” You could practically hear an angelic choir as the door opened, revealing a dazzlingly white and shiny full bathroom, complete with bathtub/shower. And at the opening of the door, a bunch of little fancy gizmo’s revealed themselves, nearly all of them clearly of Melvins own design, even including a soothing little ornamental fountain, just to send it over the top with fanciness and excess . Professor Poopypants stared transfixed at the sight, until Melvin reached over and closed the door shut, snapping him out of it. “…Ok, I will admit, that is a REALLY nice bathroom.” “Why thank you.” Melvin replied with pride “I have put a lot of work into it” “Yhah! you can really tell, what with that automatic tooth brusher and that little fountain, really just ties the room togeth… WAIT, NO!  We’re getting off topic! So you said there’s only 30 minutes left of…‘Homework time’…Left.” Poopypants doing an extremely annoyed set of finger quotes over the words homework time, “Vhat about after that?” “Welllll... then it’s bedtime.” Melvin stated matter of factly. “Bedtime?” He replies back, his tone the questioning disbelief of someone having their spirits crushed. Though Melvin doesn’t pick up on this. “Yeah. I’m really not supposed to leave my room until tomorrow morning.” “TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!” The sudden shout giving Melvin a bit of a fright as Poopypants continues shouting, “You expect us to wait until tomorrow morning!! We’ve got far too much work yet to do! We can not afford to be wasting time like this! Now show me the labs!!!!” “But I’m not supposed to…” “YES I KNOW MELVIN! YOU AREADY MENTIONED THAT! YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION! NOW GO!!! NOW!!!!! Startled by the yelling, and not being the sort of kid able to refuse a direct order by an authority figure, he panics and almost drops the professor, before being spurred on by the professors insistence like a startled horse. Grasping the excitable professor a little too tightly in his hand, which silenced him with an unpleasant “*HURK*” sound, he runs to the door, throwing it open and sprinting down the hallway, holding the tiny professor at arm’s length out in front of him in both hands as if the tiny man would somehow lead the way of the fourth grader’s frenzied sprint towards the garage.

Professor Poopypants to celebrate the new Captain Underpants movie! The fourth book was my favorite of the series, growing up.

(In a post-credits scene, Tippy Tinkletrousers is being laughed at by people in jail.)

Tippy Tinkletrousers: My name change didn't help me though, did it? I'm still being laughed at here! Can we be real? If I were named Gunter and I had a cool German accent, people would totally not laugh at me! They would, they know they would!

the movie and the books are currently rotating in my brain like food in a microwave

action, thrills, laffs

(commissions open)

goosy grow 4000 confirmed yall

I found it! I FINALLY FOUND IT!!

No, not the Holy Grail. Although at this point it would’ve been easier to find...

I’m talking about BOOK 9! Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers!!

The publisher that makes them in my country suddenly changed the book’s permanent “unavailable” status to “available” and I immediately ordered it! I didn’t really have my hopes up, since the last two times I did that they ended up emailing me saying they didn’t have if after all and sent me a refund

But today I got home and found a cardboard box stuffed into my mailbox (GG, mailman...) and this was inside:

I GOT IT!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I FINALLY GOT IT!!

It took me OVER A YEAR to find this book! I got the rest of them last year but didn’t even read the ones that come after it!

FINALLY!!

Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers (Captain Underpants #9) by Dav Pilkey

When we last saw our heroes George and Harold, they were under arrest and headed for prison. Then Harold foolishly uttered the fateful words, 'What could be worse than going to jail for the rest of our lives?' and changed the course of human history. In this ninth epic novel, Dav Pilkey takes readers back in time to the carefree days of kindergarten, when the worst thing George and Harold had to face was NOT evil mad scientists or alien cafeteria ladies but a sixth-grade bully named Kipper Krupp, the nephew of their clueless school principal.

For a series that has been around since the 1990s, this is my first time reading any of these books.

I can see the appeal, but - wow - this really isn't for me.

I love several boy-centric junior series (e.g. Diary of a Wimpy Kid and The Bad Guys), but something's ... off about this one.

The sexism didn't help. About the only time girls appeared AT ALL (in a co-ed school!) they were silly, giggly idiots. And then the heroes get back at the villains by humiliating them with girls' clothes? Because girls are embarrassing and it's demeaning to be one?

The targeted age group won't recognise or understand those messages on their own, but they'll be well and truly reinforced in their subconscious as they read this series.

Some bits were amusing. The kid appeal is there. I just don't think these are as clever as other similar series on offer.