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thenanamisimp · 5 months

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Danmei and MXTX novels

Would you look at that, another post that's not about anime? WILD. It is about MXTX novels though so the hyperfixations continue. I'm actually in the process of planning a very lengthy analysis of all three of her series but this is a warning, don't expect too much. I was never good at those in school plus it's been almost 7 years since I've last written something like that but I feel so passionate about her works that I really wanna try to share what I thought about the novels. Nevertheless, this isn't actually those analysis posts since those are gonna be separate and will probably be written after I re-read each series. However, since I'm actually finally fully done reading all her series - including the extra side chapters - I wanted to quickly share some of my opinions and how I feel after finishing all 18 of the books.

This goes without saying but just in case - SPOILER WARNING for Heaven Official's Blessing, The grandmaster of demonic cultivation and The scum villain's self saving system novels.

First off, if you haven't read any of MXTX's work before, prepare for trauma and tragedy. Most of her characters are either deeply traumatised already or in the process of. I will always encourage people to read content warnings before reading her books.

Starting off with my favourite - TGCF or Tian Guan Ci Fu (aka Heaven Official's Blessing). This story means a lot to me. I got introduced to TGCF through the donghua before I even knew it was queer fiction and even with censorship, the closet is made of fucking GLASS so I had to look for the source material. Honestly it took me a while to commit to reading the whole series as I've been struggling to pick up books for years now but TGCF actually got me back into reading (I think in total it took me about 8 days to read all 8 volumes). More than just the story telling being good, I got so incredibly attached to every single character (except Jun Wu, he can eat shit - tho the fact I'm even saying this speaks volumes about how well MXTX can write characters. It takes a lot for me to hate a character this much).

Taking place in a beautiful fantasy world, we follow Xie Lian and Hua Cheng through tragic traumatic past and present and we learn of the horrible truths about the lives of immortal beings. We also see two idiots in love take their sweet ass time to confess. I love me a good slow burn full of longing and pining. I eat that shit UP every time and MXTX gave it to me with every single one of her series.

TGCF for me was a journey full of kicking my feet at fluff, second hand embarrassment (because xl I stg, what do you MEAN you were taught how to resist the advances of women but not how to resist hot men you gay lil shit the closet is made of glass) and honestly, lots of crying. The hundred stabs incident, ruoye's creation and hcg's last death made me sob and scream (no exaggeration, I was stomping around my room, crying and yelling GIVE HIM BACK RIGHT NOW).

Also, in a not so unpopular opinion (I think?), Pei Ming is my fave because 1) he's the no.1 Hualian shipper - check the whole Mt Tunglu adventure for proof and also 2) he's just a lil slut with a big heart. I could seriously talk about him forever because I went from hating him after he tried to throw the blame for the Banyue Pass incident on Xie Lian, to loving him after I realised that everything he does, he does because he is truly just a kind man who loves a good fight. He's so silly! Just a lil guy! Go Pei Ming go!

Fuck you Jun Wu. Again. (I hate him just as much as I hate Mahito. Maybe a little less. I really hate Mahito).

Moving on to my second favourite (but honestly it's such a close one), MDZS or Mo Dao Zu Shi (The grandmaster of demonic cultivation). Take a wild guess about how I got introduced to it... Fandom of course, because very few people talk about TGCF online without mentioning MDZS so I just had to give it a chance.

The great grandmaster of demonic cultivation has been dead for a while but when he gets gifted a new body through a not so well known demonic ritual, he runs into an old acquaintance. We learn about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's past and current world of cultivation and hear stories about messy betrayals and conspiracies. Aaaand we find out about some more trauma and tragedy because is it really an MXTX novel without it?

And talk about a rollercoaster because (and please don't hate me for this) I found Wei Wuxian annoying initially.... But it's okay now because I kin him so go figure. Tho I actually kin only his adult self, I was a very introverted and rule abiding teenager, a lil more like Lan Wangji. In any case, wwx is the same stupid chaotic bisexual that I am and he is babygurl. Yeah and what if he murdered 3000 people? It was self defense. THEY ATTACKED FIRST. Your honour, he did nothing wrong and he does not deserve to be punished!

On a serious note, MDZS explores so many themes that are personally important to me, my favourite being the power dynamics of the world. It’s truly moving that even with all the pain Wei Wuxian went through, how far in his cultivation and how powerful he got, he still couldn't protect those he loved (until Lan Wangji of course because Wangxian is perfect together and they always protect and defend each other. Wangxian my beloved). While it might be a stretch for some, it really reminded me of how powerless we are in the world. People aim to educate themselves and go on to do whatever they can to better the world in their own way and yet, it really feels like nothing’s improving sometimes. I could talk about this for hours but maybe I’ll leave that for another time and another analysis post since this is supposed to be a shorter one (lmao)

Last but not least, RZFZX or Ren Zha Fanpai Zijiu Xitong (honestly this one I use the english name for because I can’t pronounce the chinese as much as I try - The scum villain's self saving system or Svsss). This one I actually kinda struggled with - first of all because WHY BUGS MXTX. Not much bothers me in fiction but BUGS? Too far. Heads with spider legs? Raw flesh with maggots? Blood mites? I was out (for about half an hour and then I kept reading). Please note that it's not the raw flesh that bothered me, it was the fucking maggots. I can read about graphic murder, creepy hauntings, torture and many more but as soon as there are bugs? Nope! I’m done. People have phobias and that’s mine I guess. Enough ranting about bugs!

The story follows Shen Qingqiu, the scum villain of the hit web novel Proud Immortal Demon's Way (or PIDW for short, as it's referred to in Svsss) who is actually one of the original readers - and haters - of PIDW, who transmigrates into the book in order to fix the plot holes left by the original author. With his guide “the system” he does his best to lead the male lead of PIDW, Luo Binghe, down a better path than in the original story.

Svsss employs a comedic way of storytelling, with our protagonist being omniscient, it allows for the narration to be sarcastic and poke fun at a lot of moments that are cliche or badly written, as interpreted by sqq. Honestly, this is just a personal preference but I favour the more serious storytelling way of MDZS and TGCF (give me hurt until the very end when the main characters get together and then give me comfort).

To me, Svsss is a lot harder to analyse as a lot of its themes are unfamiliar to me, especially considering I’m the furthest from having any sort of humanitarian education (I have 2 engineering degrees). Using a story within a story, MXTX is able to deliver two main overarching themes; one about abuse and its results through Luo Binghe as well as one about the relationship of author and their readers, the feeling of being trapped by the readers' opinions and wanting your story to be liked through Shang Qinghua (to be honest, I hadn’t really picked up on this one until I saw discussion about this in the fandom).

If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I grasped this series as well as the other ones and I'm finding it hard to digest lbg and sqq's relationship. I'm unsure as to what it is that's holding me back from loving them as much as Hualian and Wangxian. I do tend to prefer tropes like theirs more than the whole "had to convince him to date me" thing which is what Bingqiu's relationship seemed like to me up until the end of volume 3. It’s also why I'm glad I actually followed through and finished the extras in volume 4 (I was really tempted to stop reading once I finished volume 3 not gonna lie). I believe those to be integral to understanding sqq's feelings towards lbh and while I understand that sqq did actually love lbh from the beginning (denial is a river in egypt and the gloset is made of glass - what the fuck is with MXTX's bottoms and the damn glass closet), I struggled to see the tipping point of where he actually understood his own feelings and what was going on in his head and that he was actually in love with lbh. Which is why I think to really understand Svsss, I would seriously need to reread it.

I also would love to eventually talk about queerness in MXTX's work because in each book, sexuality and queerness is explored and examined in so many different ways. As a queer person myself, it fascinates me as I can relate to so much of it. To be honest, I think I could write a short thesis on just this.

Honestly, while I'm very passionate about my favourite pieces of media (if you've heard me talk about any of my top 5 anime you'll understand what I mean), there hasn't been a lot of things outside JJK and MXTX's novels that have made me wanna dive deep into analysing every single detail. It genuinely makes me feel like I'm gonna implode sometimes. These 3 series have seriously reignited my love for reading. I was shown that a good book - in my opinion of course - doesn't need to avoid difficult topics. It simply needs to use them well as a means of delivering a message and a story, rather than them being included just to be included. They also reminded me that I love queer fiction and I need to read more.

I actually would really like to read Erha (or 2ha or The husky and his white cat shizun) but I've read the content warnings and I'm ~~apprehensive~~. While not a lot of things bother me, I'm not sure I want to read about that stuff (please look at the content warnings of this book, or any piece of media in that matter, especially if you have topics that easily bother or trigger you). Remember, it's our responsibility as readers/consumers to look out for ourselves first!

Please recommend any good danmei (other than MXTX) and possibly include links where they can be read! I would also highly appreciate recommendations for some good wlw fantasy fiction as I really would love to read some wlw novels - or even anime/movies/webtoons/manga. Just in desperate need of quality wlw content.

Also while I said I'd keep it short, it seems I ended up writing over 2000 words…

PS. I proofread this about 5 times and during one of them my file crashed, so if there's any mistakes or if I’m not making sense somewhere, blame my deep-fried brain, thanks

Thanks for reading my novel ramble! Enjoy reading :)

theNanamiSimp

#i'm adding a lot of tags because i put a lot of effort into this post actually and i want people to see it #danmei #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #mxtx #mo xiang tong xiu #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu

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epikhightechnology · 9 months

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@kissporsche

I am sleep deprived and my mind is a mess so this might not make a whole lot of sense. Esp if you're not familiar with the musical. Do not expect greatness cause you wont find it lol

The story begins not with Pete or Vegas but with Porsche because he is Christine in this au. He joins the Opera House owned by idk.. Italians or something, as a dancer. All the bodyguards are ballet dancers in this universe (imagine Big as a ballet dancer and cry with me). They’re trained by Chan (madame Giry. Fits perfectly if you ask me). Porsche quickly becomes best pals with a fellow dancer Pete, they might even live together like in the show.

The Phantom is obviously Vegas. He has the mask and everything cause his asshole dad mutilated him when he was a kid and made him join the circus to earn money. It’s all very tragic and sad really. He spends years being laughed at till one day he’s done with it. He kills his dad and escapes. I’m imagining rain and thunder and tears and then finally peace and quiet that he finds in the basement of an old opera house. He puts on the mask & becomes the Phantom over several years, spending his days tormenting the owners of the opera and writing music in his dungeons. Living his best life lol

Back to the present. One day as Vegas is wandering the hallways like the creep he is, he hears Porsche singing and gets inspired. He is like omg I can make that man a star and make him sing my music. (Also the current primadonna sucks and their singing makes Vegas’ head hurt… lets say it’s Tawan cause we hate him lol. Vegas has been trying to get rid of the bastard for a while now) It’s going great - Porsche is easy to manipulate cause of his childlike dreams of an angel of music that his dead father (or mother?) would send him. Also Porsche is hot and kind and Vegas is kinda delulu for him. He hasn’t had any human contact for years and he is desperate for some love. Porsche gives him a taste of it cause he thinks Vegas is an angel so he speaks with affection to him. Porsche’s bestie Pete notices something is off and keeps an eye out but doesn’t do anything for now, cause Porsche seems to be doing well even if he’s acting a lil weird. Also who could imagine the reality of the situation lol. Pete does see more than the rest tho, he has seen Vegas in the shadows before, but he doesn't connect the dots. Yet.

Then out of nowhere the Italians decide to sell the opera house to Tankhun. Yes Tankhun cause imagine him running an opera. And Arm or something cause he needs a partner. Oh maybe Tay? Idk this needs more thought than I’m capable of at the moment. Anyways.. Vegas is mad cause Tankhun is even worse at running the opera than the previous owners. Even so he does manage to get rid of Tawan and get Porsche on stage, but then fucking KINN shows up and is like hot diggity dog.. Porsche is hot and I love him and Porsche loves him back (they are childhood friends like Christine and Raoul), which simply makes Vegas lose his last marble. He’s been spending months at this point teaching and seducing Porsche and it's taken a lot of work to get Porsche on stage and he’s not about to let Kinn steal him so he goes and kidnaps him (porsche). Takes him to his dungeon and tries to convince him that life there with him could be kinda nice. Cause look at all the good he's done for him. Porsche is listening till his curiosity wins and he tears Vegas' mask off and is disgusted much like Christine the first time she saw the Phantom’s face. Vegas is hurt and lets him go. Convinces himself that Porsche just needs more time, that he just needs to try a little harder. That he has to work more to get that love that he craves.

Porsche is traumatised after the kidnapping. Pete is worried, he sees that something is really wrong even though Porsche doesn't tell him what exactly happened. Kinn is an oblivious idiot, who at this point only cares about this Phantom dude sending everyone threatening notes lol. He and Tankhun decide to disobey everything Vegas is asking for and let Tawan back on stage which leads to no good. Vegas snaps and kills someone. Porsche runs to the rooftop, Kinn follows, they confess to each other and kiss and Vegas’ heart breaks and he brings down the chandelier.

Pete our best boy who has been watching everything go down from the sidelines is like ok this has turned from weird to FUCKED & he decides to investigate. Cause he is a sneaky lil guy and doesn’t like it when his friends get hurt for no good reason. He takes it upon himself to go find this opera ghost and stop him. He finds the entrance to the dungeons behind Porsche’s mirror and goes down there. In the dungeon he is greeted by a very sad scene of Vegas crying his heart out. What a pathetic creature. Except the creature is insane and once he notices and catches Pete he ties him up and spews all his anger and sadness on him. Vegas thinks Pete is a nobody whom no one will miss (and sadly he’s somewhat right) (but Vegas does know who Pete is cause he knows everything) and decides to keep him there to torment while he wallows in his sadness. Very unfortunately the rest of the opera don’t even notice Pete is gone (they’re too busy fixing things and getting their shit back together and Porsche is too busy with Kinn). After a few days of silence they’re thinking - finally we pissed off the phantom so much that he left. When in reality Vegas is planning his revenge. Pete is trying his best to convince him to leave Porsche alone cause obviously Porsche doesn’t like him back but Vegas being the man he is can not let his grudge go. And even though he doesn’t even like Porsche much anymore (cause his heart is opening up to someone else), he wants to take revenge on Kinn.

There’s mad tension between VP. Pete isn’t afraid of what's underneath Vegas’ mask because he has his own scars too. Both physical and emotional. They do share asshole fathers in every universe. They bond over it. And Vegas gets a glimpse under Pete's mask when he notices the way Pete reacts to him and his anger. Something inevitably does happen between them but it doesn't lead to any good because Vegas still thinks he is unlovable (boy thinks love has to be earned and is going about it in all the wrong ways) and he is obsessed with his revenge plot; and Pete our dear Pete thinks Vegas is in love with Porsche cause he thinks himself unlovable too.

The masquerade happens (oh imagine how happy Tankhun would be to throw this party), Vegas crashes it and promises to bring everything down unless they perform his opera. Realising all his efforts to change Vegas' mind have been in vain and Vegas still cares more abt Porsche than him, Pete escapes to go warn his friends about his actual plans. In a way he also rejoins the masquerade when he returns to his life. There is much to be said about masks and stuff in this au but again - my brain has not the capacity to do it rn. Finding out Pete is gone makes Vegas even madder cause he does feel things for him even if he's in denial about it. Cause Pete is the only person ever to not flinch when Vegas looks at him. There's that kindness he's been looking for in Pete but he doesn't let himself see it.

Kinn comes up with his shit plan to catch the Phantom despite Pete’s arguments that it won’t work. The opera happens and everything goes to shit. Vegas once again kidnaps Porsche. Kinn shows up at the dungeon and gets almost killed. They are yelling at each other when Pete arrives. He overhears Vegas making Porsche choose between him and Kinn and he can't take it anymore. He goes all out along the lines of 'you stupid moron, I love you, i can't sing, I'm a shit dancer but I love you and why am I not enough???' Like why is Porsche the end goal here when he obviously hates Vegas? Vegas, Porsche and Kinn are dumbfounded at this. Vegas didn’t really believe that Pete would like him for real. but pete goes on about how vegas ripped pete's mask off and now he's gonna leave him stranded in this world when they could have something together and for what?? It takes vegas a moment to understand what's happening. Kinn uses the opportunity and shoots or stabs or whatever Vegas, takes Porsche and runs. Porsche asks Pete to come with them but he refuses. Kinn is a dick and he drags Porsche away. Pete holds Vegas very fairytale like, very tragic and beautiful. "Say you'll share with me one love, one life time, say the word and I will follow you.."

When the others come to the dungeon to get the phantom, they find it empty. Vegas and Pete have disappeared but they live. Away from all this, somewhere else. Maybe not happily ever after but they live.

Also korn doesnt exist in this universe cause fuck him

#if anyone else has phantom vegas thoughts pls send them my way #or write a fic i beg #totally messed up that line from the song at the end lol i fixed it now #userboots

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intersex-questions · 6 months

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I brought this up to another intersex blog a while ago and ended up just letting it go but due to repeated issues I've been thinking about it again. This will be kinda long, sorry.

I went to a real gynecologist for the first time after a traumatising experience with one when I was 10 (they did a swab test that hurt so badly they had to hold me down for it even tho my sister had it done too and it wasn't bad for her, I was told I was just very sensitive compared to her, I can't tell if this might be important or not so I'll include it just in case)

I'm 19 and AFAB, I've always struggled with periods, they happen twice a month and are 9-12 days long each. The only time they're easier is when I am on birth control, which still make them last 9-12 days but make them only once a month. I got on birth control a few years ago but stopped because of issues with my family not letting me take it. Now I went to this gynecologist and all we did was discuss putting me on birth control. She didn't look at my body or ask any questions about it besides about my period and how it was affected last time I went on birth control. Then she prescribed me birth control and set up an appointment to check in a few months later.

Before the next appointment, my mother's friends were talking about how my mom decided I was female when I was born. I asked what they meant and they said the doctor wasn't sure of my gender when I was born so my mom decided it. I talked to my mother and she told me she doesn't remember the doctors saying I was female when I was born, she says she doesn't remember what I was born as. My uncle, who was there like her friends were, also says he doesn't remember if I was actually born female, just that it took a very long time for them to figure it out.

I mentioned this at the appointment and that I was concerned I might be intersex (I have many other reasons to think this, not just them not knowing. I've always dealt with being way more manly and having more hair than the rest of the women in my family, my genitalia is bigger than it's supposed to be - I did check that to make sure as I felt weird saying it without knowing it for a fact -, puberty was hell because of the pain and change in hair and body odor and periods, etc.) and I asked if there was any way she could help me in figuring it out. She flat out told me that I'm not intersex and she would know if I was just by looking at me.

Part of me is very upset that she refused to even check, but the other part thinks maybe I should just accept it and she's right because she's a professional. I'm not a professional and the only thing I know is my body, everything could just be a coincidence. Any help on this? Do professionals often refuse this stuff? What should I do?

And I'm fully willing to accept if I'm wrong here, I'm just confused on a lot of things abs need some help figuring it out

Hey there, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I know that this all can be a really hard thing to talk about, especially after trying to talk about it with others and getting a bad response or no response. I recognize how brave this is of you and how scary of a thing sharing all this can be. I really appreciate you reaching out!

I'm responding to this ask completely out of order of your statements in which order I feel are most relevant to discuss first, so apologies if that is a bit confusing.

That was absolutely unprofessional and cruel of your gynecologist to do that. I'm so sorry that happened. You are completely valid to be upset. You do not have to just accept it nor do you have to accept her treatment of you. It is okay if you feel hurt by that experience. It was, objectively, intersexist, and regardless of that, a cruel thing to do to a patient. Medical professionals don't always know what's happening to us better than we do. The reason they are often able to help us is because we speak up and say, "Hey! I have this thing that's happening to my body, and I know my body and know this is different or not normal for it or the general population. I need help with it!" Professionals often do refuse that sort of thing, but that is because intersexism is incredibly common in the medical field to the point that I'm unfortunately willing to wager that an intersexist medical professional is more common than an intersex ally of a medical professional.

Your periods absolutely are considered irregular, although I'm glad birth control has been able to offer you help with them. I am unsure what it is like where you live, but are you sure you need to go to a gynecologist to be prescribed them? You may be able to go to a different medical professional or general care physician. I was on birth control (pills and depo shot) as a minor for help with my period and was prescribed it by my pediatrician. I've never been to a gynecologist before (although I do want to) and haven't needed to in order to be prescribed any form of birth control. You might be able to look into if it's possible for you to not go to the gyno in order to get birth control pills.

Pain at the gyno is different for everyone. Some people will experience immense pain, while others do not. However, a good gynecologist will do everything in their power to reduce or eliminate pain. It is, however, absolutely important that you were in pain at the gyno. They should NOT be holding you down in order to perform whatever they need to perform. They SHOULD offer ways to relieve pain. This article offers an insight into the problem of pain in the field of gynecology. This page talks about pain management for the gyno. And, it is an unfortunate truth, that some or many gynos simply will refuse to treat pain no matter what you say, and that finding other gynos isn't an option. Or that certain providers won't even offer pain relief for procedures. I'm not sure what to do in those situations, and I'm sorry if that's a situation you end up in. But you should try to stay strong and speak up. Don't let medical professionals belittle you or traumatize you into staying quiet when you're in pain.

Reading on what you were saying about it being difficult to assign your sex at birth...that's just like, wow. That is a very strong sign you're intersex! In my opinion, if one's sex is ambiguous enough at birth that it can't be easily determined or took a long time to determine, I think that the individual is definitely intersex. Like, let's say they decided you were male. Can you imagine how that would have impacted you, being raised as male and treated medically as male? Would they have done procedures to make you align more with being "male"? Since it took a long time to determine, you likely had (and possibly still have) ambiguous genitalia. This might sound silly, but have you taken the time to examine your genitalia? What is your (presumable) clitoris like? What does your entire vulva look like as a whole? What about the inner and outer labia?

Warning for illustrated images of genitalia

Upon examining yourself, do you feel like your genitalia start to lean away from the 6/7 area? (And even if they don't, that's okay, you could still be intersex, but ambiguous/different genitalia are a definite sign you are intersex.) (And also, I'd like to apologize greatly in advance if you are visually impaired. I am writing this as if you are not as most people on this blog are not and they might find help in your experiences later. If you are visually impaired, I will do my best to help how I can with visual traits of being intersex, but, as of writing this, I'm unsure how to describe or find ways to self-examine oneself for visual signs of being intersex while visually impaired. There's more information about the scale I posted here.) You might want to try to ask about your medical history and if you've ever had any treatments for things like your hormone levels or your genitalia.

Regardless of that, you're mentioning things that are signs of hyperandrogenism and/or hirsutism. It's possible you have those things, or both. You could look into things such as NCAH, PCOS, and hyperandrogenism in general. I have any posts about those and any asks about people who do have or show signs of those tagged on this blog.

Again, I'm really sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to be treated that way. It's really, really hard to, but please do your best to stay brave and strong. I know it is hurtful to go through, but don't let medical professionals, doctors, or anyone deny your experiences or refuse you treatment or things you may need. You deserve medical treatment and medical reassurance. You do not deserve to be treated that way. You do not have to accept things at face value or the word of a medical professional who is mistreating you. Don't let them win. The medical field as a whole is unfortunately inherently intersexist. Medical professionals will often refuse that sort of treatment, even though they shouldn't. However, the answers are within your own body. In some cases, being intersex is only really able to be determined through testing, and most types of intersex diagnosis can only be determined through said testing, but, in a case like yours, one is able to determine if they feel the intersex label/community is right for them based on what they know about their own body. I know it's hard, but please keep advocating for your medical treatment. You might have to see if you can find other doctors or medical professionals who will treat you. And, also unfortunately, you need to consider that, even if you were able to be determined as intersex by a medical professional, it isn't unlikely that they'll try to conceal it. I am truly sorry the world isn't a better place for medical treatments in the fields of intersexuality and general sexology and gynecology.

You are stronger and braver than you know. You deserve to feel empowered about your body, not belittled. I hope I answered all of your concerns, and let me know if I missed anything! You aren't wrong or in the wrong. You are perfectly okay for questioning this, and you are right to feel hurt by such things happening.

#asks #Anonymous #questions #ncah #pcos #hyperandrogenism #hirsutism

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fixfoxnox · 1 year

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Bro just wanted to smash and rule the world go figure

I AM JOKING BTW, I absolutely love how you write Makarov, he is so messed up Canon Makarov is extremely messed up; have yall seen the list of crimes he committed IT WAS A WHOLE ESSAY, so no, i will not hear anyone out if someone just as mention Makarov and the word “kinda” in the same sentence

Im curious though (and this is in terms of writing not by your charcter/personality!!) was the plane scene supposed to go in this kinda direction cause I remember reading the scene after they touched down and Makarov mentioned that Roach couldn’t walk (??) like has Makarov in your own vision ever thought of just being a huge A-hole and traumatising dear ol bug here early on in the story, Of course you don’t have to answer if this goes beyond your boundaries tho

Okay but Makarov is kinda 👀👀/j

As for your question, I've actually had a few people question this in the comments before along with a couple of people who definitely thought that was what I was implying in that scene, so let's talk about it.

Warnings ahead for discussion of dub-con and non-con:

So I would like to just start off by saying that when I initially introduced Makarov, I never even intended to take is as far as I did. Like the seduction scene was never even supposed to happen. All of that was meant to be left up to interpretation.

However, when I first started writing Makarov in his first scene, I was really struggling because thats just the kind of villain that he felt like to me? Like I think I've mentioned it before in one of the posts about him, but I do think that if the cod fandom had really blown up like it has back when MW2 and MW3 came out, there would be a shit ton of stuff about Makarov fanfic wise.

Like, in Canon, he's very smooth and calculated. Whenever we hear him speak, he is calm and collected. Even at the end of MW3, when his entire plan has failed and fallen through, he's still so calm. He still finds it in himself to calmly taunt Price about Soap's death. Compare this also with Allen's death where Makarov makes a point to pull him in close before shooting him, and my mind was going one direction. Smooth villain who plays psychological games.

So the way that manifested in that first scene with Roach, was through the touching. He's showing Roach that he's in control. And that was all the touching was really meant to be, was showing control.

Then we get to the church scene, the infamous church scene. While I was writing this, I kinda got hit hard with the question of, "why is Makarov keeping Roach alive?"

Like I'd considered the question briefly in earlier chapters, but I was never forced to actually face it until I got to that chapter. Because I wanted to write this torture scene. I could see it so vividly in my head. But why would Makarov torture this guy? Why would he keep Roach alive.

At this point I considered the sort of obsessive love thing and I decided "okay, its not going to be just up for interpretation anymore. Its going to be explicit." So I wrote the church scene and I kept writing their interactions with the thought that I was never going to take it further. Makarov was never actually going to get his hands on Roach in that way.

So when I wrote the plane scene, I actually did not have any form of S/A in my mind at all. I wanted to press Makarov's touchieness. I wanted to press his obsession/love for Roach. But that was it and I wrote it without S/A in mind.

Roach not being able to walk was supposed to imply that it wasn't just that one moment of Makarov hurting him that we saw, but rather that Makarov had essentially tortured him on the plane ride back. It actually wasn't until I had people comment on it that I realized it could be perceived that way. And I am all up for interpretation, so if someone believed that that happened, then that's for them to decide. However it was never intended to be that way.

Then we got to the next chapter. To the seduction scene. I cannot tell you where the idea for this chapter came from. All that I know is that I had two scenes in mind. One where Roach has a dream about his Past! Simon where Past! Simon tells him how seductive he is without even trying. And another scene where Roach quotes Makarov's words from the plane back to him.

I actually struggled with this chapter a lot. While writing it came rather easy to me, I'm a very anxious person and I knew that this was taking a step further than I had intended to go with the fic. I kept trying to justify it in my mind of like "oh its going to be implied but nothing will actually happen!"

Eventually I just had to sit down with myself and go, "Its my fic, if people don't like it, they don't have to read. This is how the story has naturally progressed. You know that you won't take it further than this."

So in the initial idea for this chapter and the following ones, it was going to be that more intimate touches were the extent of what happened.

That went down the drain very heavily with Chapter 19.

When I started writing that scene at the end with Makarov, it actually took me much longer than it should have to write. I had the ideas, I knew I wanted it to be painful, but I kept stopping because I felt like I was taking things too far. Again, I'm a very anxious person, I never intended the fic to go down this path.

This was the only chapter in which I genuinely considered writing out a scene of explicit S/A. It would have been closer to the end. Its mentioned during one of the last sections that Makarov shoves his hand under Roach's shirt and into his pants to dig into his wounds. I'd considered, at this moment, having Makarov forcefully kiss Roach and literally grab him while muttering about what his plans were for him when he got him alone.

I did genuinely consider it. I even came here to post about whether or not I should do it or not. But the second that someone commented mentioning it, I decided that I didn't want to do that. I did not want to take things that far.

What we have instead, and the absolute farthest that I've been willing to take it is dub-con. Because while Roach "consented" to Makarov's affections, the truth is that he was only doing it to survive.

This is something that has actually been coming up in some of the chapters I'm writing now. And even this is causing Roach a lot of distress and self-hatred, I just don't think I would have been able to write a scene with explicit S/A or even implied that it happened and be able to properly handle the fall out of it.

That all being said, I do think Makarov definitely thought about Roach a lot and definitely fantasized about him. But I do think, with the way I wrote him, it wouldn't have made sense in the end for him to actually S/A Roach or even think about it.

You'll notice in his POV that I wrote, while he does fantasize about Roach a lot (like a lot, man is so horny for Roach) he always stops himself and controls himself. He tends to mention that he "needs to take things slow." This is his mind set even to the point that he doesn't take things further even after Roach has given "consent."

This is because his end goal is to have Roach completely. He wants Roach to be dependent on him. He wants Roach to love him. He's smart. He knows that if he does something like that, its going to make turning Roach to his side much harder. Its why he doesn't even kiss Roach until he essentially gets permission at the end.

He is really evil. He is really horny for Roach. But he also is very smart and knows people. He isn't going to push things too for too quickly. The only time he even gets close to that is during his last chapter, when he gets so angry/possessive/stressed that he allows himself to break Roach down physically. (However, again you may notice that even in that scene he doesn't start attacking until Roach does. Most of the time he wants Roach to make the first move so that he's somewhat justified in hurting him.)

This was kinda a long winded response lol, but I did want to talk about it and I do think it gives a mit more insight into my thought process/Makarov's character.

#thoughts with luke #you asked luke #something in the orange #vladimir makarov

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j0ystix · 2 years

Text

Been contemplating this OC for awhile. I really wanted a love interest for Lloyd so I created Meredith D’or (she’s half French)

- she has a twin sister named Meredy (this fits in well with the narrative if she becomes the mother of Maison and Manson(my two OCs that are Lloyd’s twin sons) because the siblings have matching twin names)

- Meredith is a shy, gentle, firm, intelligent, soft-spoken girl. She’s introduced into the show as this serious-people-pleaser waiter who doesn’t know how to have fun.

- Meredith is a child of divorce, she and her sister were eventually under the care of her mother who practically neglected them. Meredy became her motherly figure but she was forced to grow up. She grew up feeling insecure. She has to help people or not she feels useless.

- Meredith is raised by her grandparents

- Meredith is older than Lloyd by one year (she’s taller by 5cm too)

- Meredith has no fighting background but she is a musical and art prodigy

- During Sons of Garmadon, her sister sacrificed herself to protect Meredith (the stone giant stepped on her sister when Skylor and Garmadon were trying to gain control of it). This traumatised Meredith.

She’s Akita and Harumi mixed but one unique thing about her is that she isn’t spiteful. Although at first she was angry with Garmadon, she soon managed to forgive but never forget. When she met face to face with Lord Garmadon, she refused to speak. She knew that revenge wouldn’t do anything good, revenge wouldn’t bring back her sister.

She has pitch black hair and rosy cheeks. She can sing very well too. She often interacts with the poor as she volunteers a lot.

- she represents forgiveness , she’s good while Lloyd is bad(yinandyang)

- Garmadon is interested in her because she describes her as having his mother’s tenderness. Meredith is also smart (she actually goes to school) and she isn’t some dumb bimbo (Lloyd is a dumb bimbo tho)

- Initially, Lloyd tried really hard to grasp her attention but he soon realised that he couldn’t be attached to her because trouble seems to follow him everywhere he goes so she’ll just get entangled in it

- Her grandparents were the First Aiders during the serpentine War. They saved countless of lives, some even speculated that her family has the ability to heal and make people feel better with mere words and actions

- Lloyd gets so nervous around her but she’s so chill

- Nya will be her older sister like how Kai is to Lloyd

- People of Ninjago generally really like her, she’s incredibly generous and has a sincere personality but it’s really hard to impress her

- She swore to protect and take care of Lloyd even when she couldn’t fight or is not an elemental master. (She became a first aider and will gradually learn to fight bit by bit)

- it takes super long to get her to open up. Her mother is an alcoholic so whenever her mother became neglectful, her sister will try to distract her by coming up with games. She played one of the games with Lloyd

- her character development is her getting over her sister’s death and accepting that her family will never be whole once more but she can find a new family. She’s already confident, don’t get me wrong, but she never tried to fight for anything in her life. If she wants something she’ll try to get it but if she doesn’t get it, she wouldn’t be vehement about it. She lacks passion in her future (a sign of depression but since this is a kids show we can’t rly explicitly show it but yes, if this was a mature show, I would’ve shown Meredith going through a depressive childhood and youth years)

- I kinda hate the cliche where she will become a better person once she meets her love interest so the person who helped her developed as a character are the girls. They acted like her older sisters and showed her that the future is bright and she should have passion

- her last name means gold, suggesting that she’s Lloyd’s complementary.

- Lloyd makes handmade stuff for her

- the wholesome couple

#ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago oc #ninjago lloyd #I should write ninjago #if i was a story board director of ninjago i swear

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love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward · 3 years

Note

First of all - thank you for your Solangelo post you’ve posted recently. I feel like these days it’s hard to defend it without being called ableist/a child/bad person/too obsessed shipper/generally the worst person ever. I find it brave you decided to speak up. Thank you. Especially since your point about Will’s view on Nico was very good. I’m happy I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

Secondly, about that ask concerning the Seven and Nico. Maybe that’s stupid but I actually… see some sense in the way Rick wrote it. I mean, yeah, Nico was hero after TLO. But on the other hand he didn’t really have anyone in the camp. He barely knew anyone, and definitely wasn’t best friends with Percy and Annabeth (who btw were probably busy with school and they could finally enjoy their relationship and stuff). And we know that Nico has a problem with his “people skills”, as Will nicely put in THO. But I don’t actually think everyone in the CHB disliked him. Why? In BoO Will, Lou, and Cecil all treat him normally. Lou waves to him and blush, Cecil compliments him, Will treats him like a friend. There was not a word about any of these three people from CHB being even a little bit scared of him, otherwise I believe it’d be mentioned in the narrative. I think that Nico’s situation in the CHB after TLO is more complicated story we’ll unfortunately never get to see.

Anyway, during HoO we see Nico mostly with the Seven and in Camp Jupiter. We can see that the Camp Jupiter doesn’t really like him. And the Seven consists of three people who’ve met Nico only in HoO and don’t really like him (Jason, Piper, Leo), one person who has a complicated relationship with him (Percy), two people whose view on Nico I’m not sure about (Annabeth and Frank), and his sister, Hazel. What I’m aiming at is that they’re not a representative group of CHB imho. And then during BoO Will speaks mostly for himself, not for everyone in CHB. But as I mentioned, we see three people from CHB who have no problem with Nico, quite contrary, seem to like him. And then we have a few months time skip and in THO Nico is doing just fine in the camp.

What’s my point in all of this? We can’t be 100% sure about Nico’s situation in CHB after TLO. But I don’t think it was just his paranoia either, of course not. My theory is that Nico was definitely lonely in CHB after TLO. He had no starting point, no one who’d help him settle there. And he’s not good with people, so that didn’t help him either. After BoO he had someone to help him settle in the camp. And why he changed his mind about staying specifically because of Will? Not because he got called out on paranoia or something. Because contrary to other people he was close to, like Hazel and Jason and Reyna, Will wasn’t going anywhere. He would stay in CHB. For the first time ever Nico had a right to think that maybe, just maybe he won’t be all alone, left to himself at the CHB.

So yeah, I may be wrong, but like… that’s what I think. My personal interpretation. I wanted to say it here because you’re one of the very few people who I’m not scared of here after this whole thing on Solangelo tag.

You're actually making valid points here tbh. Like I'm glad you agree with me on the first count.

Secondly, I mean, you have a really valid point, and i agree with most parts, but like, i mostly compared their treatment of nico with how they treated a stranger??

Like I understand Percy and Nico's complicated relationship, and it was just based on Percy's flaw for loyalty and Nico's internalized homophobia and from percys side they could've had a chance as good friends, but Nico was too traumatised by his long harboured feelings for Percy, and probably won't feel the safest around him. So the people saying Nico would go to Percy for all his problems, well, i would disagree with them.

And sure, Nico called Percy lots of super mean stuff when Percy broke his 'promise' but he was just a ten-year old who lost the only person he had had for years in a new century. Bianca's death was NO ONE'S FAULT.

And the most important point? Nico apologised for every thing he did wrong.

Percy never apologised for spreading rumours among the argo 2 crew (wtf was up with that?)

Frank never apologised for blaming him when his fucking sister's life was on line

And everybody in general never bothered to apologise or even talk to him like, once. They took it for granted that a random guy who was already heavily traumatised by a quest would help them finish it no matter how he's treated.

And I know they weren't best buddies, but if you compare that to how they would've treated a stranger, that says a lot about Nico's social isolation and the seven's internalized ableism (there's a LOT of it, everyone represses their nd traits and nico and leo, who have autism with adhd amd don't repress every thing? They're both shunned. Percy, Leo and Nico never talk about their suicidal tendencies to anyone in hoo).

I went off on a tangent there, but what I meant is that suspicious as you might be, you can't just see a thirteen year old kid who came back from tartarus and five days of suffocation-and now they magically don't have to go to tartarus-and treat him like THAT.

Honestly, Jason mended his ways, and except Annabeth and Hazel, everyone was pretty much sub par or downright shitty to Nico, and he just turned that around and hated himself more for it.

And yeah, i like to think some campers changed their ways after Nico saved their asses but not all of them did. Nico says so himself.

Also, I might not agree with people who say solangelo is ableist, but I definitely don't mean to talk over them and pretend my opinions are better than theirs. Disabled people don't have a voice as it is, and I would be a complete hypocrite if I talked about the seven's internalized ableism and Nico coded as disabled and then tell disabled people they're wrong.

And about being scared of me, I'm glad you feel safe here, I promise I won't impale you for having different perspectives or opinions or critical thinking skills. (If you come at me with problematic stuff tho, like Nico being bisexual?? Then we're gonna have to talk).

This was one of the longest answers I've ever written but i just have SO much to say about this.

#i could write thrice of this #I'm freaky i know don't @ me #nico di angelo #discourse #argo 2 crew #argo II crew #argo 2 #will solace #hoo #pjo #percy jackson #solangelo #hmm i am mentally disabled and have chronic pain but i dont think that counts #and anyways some people have experienced ableism worse than me and i think it's important we hear them out #pjo discourse

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binch-i-might-be · 2 years

Text

this was supposed to be multiple OCs but it turned out to be just Colin. typical lmao

ok so, let me explain how this came to be in the first place: it started out with my boy Chris Rider. he was one of the main characters in a project I started around 2013 and wrote throughout 2014 and a bit into 2015 even!

back then, I knew very little about his family; I knew he had an older brother, a father who was chaos incarnate, and a sort of aunt, who was just his dad’s best friends. yes, they were way too close, why do you ask :)

but. things changed. you will see ;)

Colin Rider

look at this asshole. I love him so much :’)

alrighty, in the main storyline, which takes place around 2005 in Berlin, he’s 43 years of age!

homeboy is a very successful homicide cop (but just to be clear, he used to throw rocks at cops when he was a teenager <3)

very sex positive! unfortunately his relationship to sex is so incredibly unhealthy! stop it! get some help!

queer disaster. he identifies as bisexual and and he’s sort of kind of poly? he just wasn’t interested in monogamy for a very long time; and he’ll say he’s just a dude when asked, but really he’s a very specific flavour of genderqueer he hasn’t examined any closer since he saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show when he was off his tits high back in the late 70s

got arrested a lot back in the 70s for wearing skirts out in public. icon <3

he used to self harm for a very long time (early teens into early twenties) and only stopped when he became a father. he just. he couldn't leave those poor kids alone. he knows all too well how that feels

has a couple s*icide attempts under his belt

chain smoker. started when he was 13 and hasn't stopped since

too many children. (three, to be exact (that we know of lmao) and they are all disasters. we stan)

hardcore feminist

can, will, and has punched all kinds of bigots and keeps getting suspended from work for it

WILL fight you and WILL win. don’t even try bestie

ok, let’s get into the complicated origins of this fool: he’s mixed race! his, uh, birthgiver I suppose, was from an undisclosed country in the middle east, and his father from Wales! you wouldn’t realise when you look at him tho, he looks very middle eastern (black hair, hazel/brown eyes, brown skin) but he will absolutely make fun of anyone who assumes he’s actually from there, because motherfucker has the most british name on the planet

he speaks four languages! in the order he learned them in: english, welsh, russian, and german. which is very odd, considering he grew up in Stuttgart, which is very much a german city

genius level IQ but nonetheless the dumbest bitch you will ever meet

oh btw in the main timeline he has a boyfriend! his name is Steve, and he’s a “retired” emergency room doctor who had a massive burnout and flipped his career to become a coroner instead. it’s a lot less stressful when the fuckers are already dead, after all :)

Colin and he have a broad spectrum of corpse-related inside jokes because they’re both fucking weirdos who spend a lot of their time looking at dead bodies every day

his three kids are split between two women: the first one was a much beloathed acquaintance he had a drunken hatefuck with when he was 16 (she was 20 which is yikes but a common pattern with this idiot <3) and he only found out about his daughter four years later, when the woman’s bf finally realised the kid wasn’t his and refused to pay child support

the second was a girl called Selena, they were never officially a couple even though everyone just kind of assumed they were? they weren’t exclusive to each other, in any case. it was more like,,,, two roommates who vaguely dislike each other but make out on occasion and accidentally had two children between them because they’re idiots and like to ruin each other’s lives

anyway they split when she got pregnant by another dude and she kinda just dipped lmao. their sons were 13 and 6 when they separated, and this emotionally stunted, traumatised fool was left alone with them. amazing

he tries really hard. he does. he wants to be enough for his children. it’s a struggle

his father (the man who raised him, not the man who sired him. technically speaking, this would have been his grandfather, but he doesn’t know that) was a depressed and deeply traumatised WW2 vet who suffered from severe PTSD and alcoholism

dude had only half a face and one functioning eye due to an unfortunate incident involving a landmine

he was a trained opera singer and also a shakespeare actor! and he was very talented on the violin :) Colin learned a lot of singing techniques from him, and he can still recite a couple shakespeare monologues from memory (they were what his father recited when he was having panic attacks)

oh yee Colin plays guitar and sings but he pretends he doesn’t. he’s really good and he isn’t like, shy about it, but he won’t believe you when you tell him it’s good. nothing about him is good.

anyway Colin’s father (his name was Joseph Christopher Rider btw) committed unalive when Colin was fifteen. on the sofa in the middle of the living room. with his old army gun :)

Colin walked in on the aftermath. that’s how he ended up in Berlin! he grabbed his best friend, got on a train, and repressed everything that happened the past few days :)

his best friend’s name is Ann (actually her name is Anne-Marie, but they met when Colin was around 13 and she was 14, and he still couldn’t speak german back then, so he pronounced it as Ann-Mary, and this man never uses anyone’s full name, so it got shortened to Ann. she started introducing herself as that soon after :)) and they are very close (read: codependent)

ok I’ll stop now. there’s so much more, but I feel like I can always add that later. if anyone has questions, feel free to send an ask :))

#i love him so much #we haven't even gotten into all his mental illnesses yet #and his horrible horrible relationships #original character #oc #tw sex mention #tw drugs mention #tw suicide mention #tw self harm mention #tw smoking

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a-blu-jay · 3 years

Text

In the light of the whole doomsday arc and chaos I think it's important to like,,, clarify ? Some points ppl r makin even tho theyre prob not gonna see it.

Also!! This is all /roleplay and talking about the characters not the content creators

Yes, everyone has fucked up. That's what they're ALL going for, especially the ppl takin the lead when it comes to the writin of the script. Everyone is a fucked up character and everyone is a good character with the exception of Dream.

Now to get some more in depth:

Let's start with c!Tubbo. Since the beginning he's been put into tight and bad situations. Watching his friends get exiled, being made a spy for the sake of Intel to win a war which is So Much Pressure, eventually fighting in said war, being made president of the revolutionized country but then immedietly having to rebuild it, later be manipulated to exile his beat friend and brother in arms etc etc. It's a lot of trauma and greif, it's not false to call him a child solider because that's exactly what he is. Schlatt was right, the moment he died the country was doomed, wether that be from Pogtopia, Technoblade, Dream or the inevitability that the leadership would fall onto Tubbo. He's not infallible and he's not experienced. He's a severely Traumatised teenager. But this doesn't necessarily make him a good person.

Next is c!Technoblade because I have some Opinions. He's a fucked up character. Just like everyone else, just in a more transparent way. A lot of the characters hide the bad things they've done in a way to preserve moral righteousness and such. Technoblade has always been clear and transparent he wants nothing more than anarchy, chaos and the fall of L'manburg. Now, acts of terrorism aren't good, they're pretty fucked up. The great thing about his character is that he's so goddman complex. Just like Tubbo and Tommy he's been wronged. And just like Tubbo and Tommy he's a hypocrite. That's what happens when you have morally grey and ambiguous characters. He made his intentions about anarchy clear and Pogtopia made their intentions about Governments clear, they both chose to ignore eachother which in the end made them Hypocrites. A specific point I want to make about Technoblade teaming up with Dream is that Tommy has NEVER been clear with Technoblade with how Dream treated him. Technoblade couldn't have known what Dream did because of Tommy's trauma about speaking about it and Dream's manipulation. Technoblade teamed up with Dream because they shared a common goal, he doesnt trust Dream and has voiced that before. Also! Tommy's point in their argument in the middle of Doomsday was really interesting, he said (I'm paraphrasing) "why can't you just let people love what they love." A thing to note is that Technoblade DID. After the end of the revolution he left to go live in retirment and solitude and let them fight amongst eachother and destroy eachother. The very same Government he predicted to be corrupt then tried to execute him without trial even though they said he'd be given one. Which is a pretty corrupt thing to do. In the end Technoblade was used and just a little bit mistreated but he's not in the right because of that. Again, he can be seen in the lense of a Villain but that doesn't mean he really is one.

Now onto c!Tommy. His character is deffinetly an interesting one! I think his main fault is his own hubris. He's prideful to a default and stubborn when it comes to the idea he could have done something wrong because of how badly he wants to be the/a hero. Now, I'm not saying he HASN'T taken accountability for some things he's said and done because he most certainly has and thus has grown as a character. Another huge fault is his hyperfixation on the emotions and people attached to objects. Honestly? Tubbo logically wasn't wrong, they're just discs. But in Tommy's head they're a symbol of his and Tubbo's friendship. The problem is when he picks these discs over his actual friendship with Tubbo and how Dream has manipulated him. Dream plays a BIG part in why Tommy thinks the discs are so valuable. If you're told enough times and manipulated into thinking objects hold a significant value to the things important to you then eventually they become fiercely important to you and have some weight to them. I think in the beginning, in Tommy's brain destroying the discs meant his and Tubbo's friendship was over because of the part they've played in their friendship. Again, Tubbo only ever saw them as dics, plastic vinyls that drop from mobs and play pretty music. To another point, Tommy is also explicitly Hypocritical, just like Technoblade. He holds onto the fact that Tubbo and L'manburg and it's people are his friends and he cares about him but then calls Technoblade his friend and casts his emotions aside. The problem is the blatant fact that Tommy used Technoblade as a weapon and after being called out that friends don't do that to eachother he ignores it. In this instance he's no better than Technoblade. A kinda big problem is his character development, which really doesn't have a lot to do with c!Tommy and more with how the writers suggest developing him as a character. I think the main thing is that he goes to Tubbo's side saying how the discs never truly mattered to later saying they need the discs. The discs don't matter. What matters is defeating Dream. But just like Tubbo, Tommy is a highly and incredibly traumatised Teenager.

Next is c!Ranboo, the mad lad! I don't really have a whole lot to say? Just some quick analysis of what his characters ideals are and his actions in everything. Looking at his character he's incredibly paranoid, anxious and probably Traumatised from things we the audience don't know. At the end of the day he's a true neutral character. In one of the tweets cc!Ranboo sent it said that as long as Dream isn't hurting the people he (character Ranboo) directly cares about, he doesn't care what Dream does. For a good portion he was against Dream because he cared about everyone nd dream was hurting everyone. He's joined Technoblade and Ph1lza in the Arctic because he thinks that Dream has gotten what he wants, he doesn't know anything about Dream and Tommy's conversation by the end of Doomsday. Also! Ranboo's ideals/beliefs are anarchist by nature and principle. The reason he has a problem with choosing sides between L'manburg and Dream is because of the hierarchy within those sides, and the obligation that you have to fight that comes with picking those sides. Technoblade and Ph1lza both chose to fight under free will and because they chose too without coercion. Everyone is equal there. There's a really good post somewhere talking about it that'll I'll look for that explains it very well. (EDIT: found the post also hopefully i did the link right)

This is getting painfully long so I'm wrapping it up here with a few last things. Everything has always come down to Dream. The reason L'manburg was built was to get away from the oppressive power that is Dream (another point for Technoblade teaming up w dream, he wasn't there for Dreams stuff, he only knew of Schlatt but I digress). Dream has manipulated everyone, he's running the puppet show with the strings tied to his fingers. He's manipulated Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, Technoblade, Schlatt, EVERYONE. He's pitted everyone against eachother because he loves the chaos. Because he knows that if they weaken eachother it'll be a lot easier to take control with less effort put in from his part. Dream has always been the main antagonist from the very very beginning. Sure some could say Tommy started it with the discs but Dream was the one who took them in the first place etc.

He's also pitted the audience against eachother. It's really interesting in how he's actually manipulated the audience. It doesn't matter who's on what side or who's wronged who when the cause for all their greif has always been Dream. The fandom is fighting over traitors and betrayals and villain arcs. It doesn't matter, not when Dream is runnin free with the amount of power that he has.

#oooooh boy this is long #srry this is such a wall of text believe me ik theyre hard to read i just #Have Some Thoughts #dream smp spoilers #mcyt #tubbo #technoblade #ranboo #dreamwastaken #LISTEN YALL #THE PHYSCOLOGY BEHIND MANIPULATING THE AUDIENCE #IS FUCKING FASCINATING #IT REMINDS ME OF HOW THE MOVIE MIDSOMMAR REALLY BRAINWASHES YOU #I COULD GO FOR DAYS PLEASE HUMOR ME LMAO #MIGHT TALK ABT PHIL AND SOME OF THE OTHERS IF PPL CARE ENOUGH

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that-bajan-kid · 3 years

Text

Boku No Hero Academia Chapter 291 SPOILERS

(I don't know what to put here...)

Baby. Where did 14-15yr old Touya find a jaw bone that matched his? How did he know it was a match? That jacket kinda looks like it's the same brand Natsuo wears. Speaking of Natsuo, this chapter is called "Thanks for being alright". This better show the other Todoroki's reactions to this.

So his hair did go from red to white. Touya looks pretty excited to be training with Endeavour tho I'm pretty sure I already know how it all went wrong. It doesn't look like Touya's hair turned white due to stress. I mean he doesn't look very stressed out in this panel and his hair is already turning white. Is it something to do with his quirk then?

Okay so Enji and Rei decided together to have another kid, Fuyumi, with Enji's reason being he wanted a kid with both quirks and Rei's being she wanted siblings that would encourage each other. Boy did that backfire. Fuyumi only got Rei's ice but at the time Enji was pretty content with what he had cause Touya had a super powerful fire quirk. The Todoroki's seem pretty normal so something must have happened between Fuyumi's birth and Natsuo's. Maybe that's when Enji discovered Touya's limitations.

Ok so I'm thinking the change in hair colour definitely has something to do with his quirk since it looks like his fire started hurting him after his hair started turning white. There's a question mark by that ouch which leads me to believe this is the first time it's happened. Touya probably pushed himself past his own limitations in an attempt to keep his father's attention but then Shouto's quirks manifested and Touya was pushed aside completely. He probably felt like Shouto was stealing their dad from him and Enji ignoring him probably didn't help. No wonder he hates Shouto.

Enji is in complete and utter denial. Meanwhile Touya is living is best life taunting Endeavour and asking why he was never invited to his fire quirk infested agency.

Compress is wondering why Dabi didn't tell them about this and Spiner is trying to get Shiggy to give Machia an order cause apparently he finally passed out. The Todoroki drama was to much for him to handle. Dabi tells Endeavour to run a DNA test if he doesn't believe him but Dabi already ran his own and is currently showing it to the general public on the latest episode of Keeping up with the Todoroki's.

Omg they had to call Fuyumi out of her class. And Natsuo's face, poor boy is in shock. The video is already going viral. This is gonna follow them for the rest of their lives. Also Touya and Enji have very different versions of what happened in terms of the siblings being born. I mean maybe that's how it went down with Natsuo and Shouto, but Touya and Fuyumi seemed to have been a mutual decision. Yeah it's Endeavour's flashback but his is the only one we see and Dabi is an unreliable source.

Oh my god the heroes are so fucked. Can't-you-see-kun is yelling about how no one could possibly believe the words of a villain and then the video cuts to HAWKS STABBING TWICE IN THE BACK. When did he record that? Does this mean he let Twice get killed on purpose? It's not like he was in tears after it happened and before y'all come for me in the notes, when Dabi cries he cries blood. We saw it when he was reflecting on what Snatch told him. Yes his tear ducts probably are broken but that doesn't mean he can't cry. Plus he was grinning like a kid on Christmas after Twice's death, guess now we know why.

(Edit: So I forgot about the cameras in Hawks' wings but I still think Dabi wasnt actually hurt by Twice's death. It still worked out in his favour in the end so why should he?)

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE CAMERAS IN HIS WINGS!!! Are those things heat proof or some shit? His wings were literally on fire. Lmao Sceptic. Shit I don't know if the heroes are gonna recover from this. Dabi literally said "why stop at Endeavour? Why not air out Hawks' dirty laundry too?~".

Dabi is on a role today. It would be so funny if Best Jeanest really is alive and decided to use this moment to make his grand appearance. It wouldn't do much against all this damning evidence but it would cause more chaos and that is what I thrive on.

(Edit: Ya love to see it)

Tho this info makes it more believable that Keigo was abused by his father which would not only make Endeavour arresting him coincidental but also extremely ironic.

Video Dabi is going on about how heroes are the scum of the Earth and that the civilians are being lied to.

Irl Dabi is going on about how people will never trust the heroes again and he's absolutely right. I don't know how they're gonna recover from this. Can't-you-see-kun is in tears. Everyone looks so distraught, except for Iida who's wearing a helmet and Bakugou who looks like he's about to straight up die at any given moment. Dabi is all "Thanks for playing, Endeavour" as he jumps down from Machia's back.

IT'S HAPPENING! THIS IS IT!! Dabi is straight up suicide bombing them. There is no way Dabi is gonna survive this, he's already at his limit. If Endeavour doesn't move, and I seriously doubt he will, he's gonna get caught in the blast and probably die. Poor Shouto is in tears. Man he is gonna be sooo traumatised.

I'M SO GLAD HE'S ACTUALLY ALIVE AND MAN WHAT A SHOCK THAT MUST BE FOR DABI. "Apologies for being fashionably late." My man I missed you so much. Also roll credits cause I'm so glad he's alright. I can't wait to see the different variations of "this takes away from Hawks' character growth" even tho it really doesn't. Also is it just me or does Best Jeanest have a new hero costume? We'll most likely get an explanation on what happened next chapter.

(Edit: OMG I JUST REALISED BEST JEANIST AND BAKUGOU ARE IN THE SAME PLACE NOW AND BAKUGOU LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO DIE DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!?!?!???? MOTHERFUCKING NAME REVEAL THAT'S WHAT!)

Until next time.

#boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia spoilers #bnha #bnha spoilers #bnha manga #bnha manga spoilers #low-key disappointed dabi didn't get to kamikaze them #but im not mad about how it turned out either

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thisstableground · 3 years

Note

do you have any hcs for if usnavi's parents hadn't died? it would change him and his story a lot and I feel like it could be really interesting, how he's still him but with such different experiences. and you write him and get his character so well so you're definitely the person to ask about this kind of thing if you're up for it :) (also as a fellow brit the uk au is really really weird to me, I can't quite work out why)

(lmao ikr? i wouldn’t actually call it a uk au because i firmly do not believe it could work as a fully-fledged idea without changing way too much about a very culturally specific story in a way that has very uncomfortable implications, tho it is hilarious to briefly entertain the idea of ITH except it’s all set in fuckin milton keynes or something because Simply No Thank You)

THIS WILL BE LONG, BUCKLE UP

i think that a lot of canon usnavis traits are perhaps things he already had but that got magnified by a huge amount after losing his parents, because they could also be seen as ADHD traits; particularly the anxiety and the difficulty with making changes or starting new things. he’s still worried about messing up, about making a fool of himeslf, or just doesnt have the executive functioning to do things. but the difference is prior to losing his parents he had a lot more optimism and self-confidence to push himself past those anxieties or to find it easier to listen to his friends and family when they encourage him, because he has this certainty when he’s younger that things will turn out okay. an usnavi who never loses his parents carries that certainty into adulthood (i think even after abuela passes, because while it’s difficult and tragic for him, it isn’t deeply traumatising in the same way). so this version of usnavi still worries about failure, but the stakes are so much lower; he might embarrass himself but he has the safety net of his parents support, whereas the fear that fuels canon usnavi’s difficulty with changing things or moving forward is “what if i fuck up and lose someone else important to me again?”, where things which aren’t actually literal life-or-death tend to feel that way to him, and he’s a lot more cynical about whether things will have a positive outcome.

with his parents still alive doesn’t find it so terrifying to look into the future – “today’s all we got”, he says in the opening song, and i think he would still say that but in a way that means “live for today, live in the moment, enjoy life”. that might be the attitude he’s trying to get across in canon, but he also uses it as a way to hold himself back and keep himself stuck in place, to not let himself hope for anything in the future: in canon, he knows in a very painful way that he isn’t promised a future, and nobody he loves is promised a future, so why make plans or hypotheticals or even seriously believe that he’ll ever go back to DR? (i genuinely think there’s a subconscious part of him that’s firmly convinced he’s going to die young, but that’s a whole other tangent). he’s living in the moment because he’s scared of what he’ll see when he looks past it; usnavi with his parents still around lives in the moment because he likes the moment he’s in.

i wonder if him and vanessa would have ended up dating, or at least if they’d have been so successful and long-lasting as a couple. they’e always known each other and got on well, but i see their deeper feelings as growing out of this shared understanding between them based on the difficulties they’ve been through – would they have still had the champagne bet, if usnavi didn’t have that grief and loss and extra responsibility that drives his vague non-plans to go live in DR? would he even want to leave new york, in this version, or would he still be content with the place he grew up because it doesn’t have those painful memories?

the character arc of reconciling moving forward from a place that symbolises a painful past without having to completely sever from the good things about it is something that both of them share in canon. without those moments of both being given too many responsibilities and too much independence way too young because they don’t have parents who can ease the transition into adulthood, or this unspoken recognition that even with all their barrio family around both of them are very much on their own in some ways, would they make the deeper emotional connection that makes them work so well together in a more long-term way? or would they just have gone on a few casual dates that didn’t stand out from any other casual dates they might have with others?

and hell, maybe usnavi would’ve already been in a relationship with someone completely different – he’d be working at the store with two other people who were experienced in running it. he’d have so much more time to go out, have a social life, go to clubs and hang out with more people his own age. usnavi after losing his parents became quite disconnected from the larger group of people him and benny would hang out with at school; he doesn’t have the time, he doesn’t have the energy, and for a long time while he’s still so deep in grief i think they find it hard to know how to be friends with this quiet, broken, listless usnavi. they’re all still friendly but internally i think he loses his sense of place with his peers because he’s been rapidly catapulted into a stage of life that none of them are in. an usnavi who doesn’t lose his parents also doesn’t lose his sense of being around the same level and life stage as his peers, so who knows who he meets or develops feelings for?

his relationship with sonny is definitely different. his love and care for him isn’t so full of fear, because he doesn’t feel this need to protect him from every little thing or like it’s his personal responsibility to keep him alive, because it doesn’t really occur to him that he could lose him. canon usnavi i think has a lot more of a somewhat parental vibe, and often an overprotective parent at that. i think this usnavi, because he doesn’t have to grow up so quickly and he isn’t sonny’s boss, has much more of a fun big brother role. and i think sonny in return doesn’t feel so much responsibility for usnavi as he grows up - he doesnt feel like he has to force him to have fun or get some rest or put himself first every so often because usnavi doesnt push himself nearly so relentlessly and because his parents can look out for him when he does.

maybe sonny doesn’t start working in the bodega until much later, either – a lot of why he spends so much time there is because usnavi watches him while his mom’s at work but can’t just close the store. if his parents are there to keep working then usnavi watches sonny at one of their homes, or they go out and do more stuff. the bodega is still important to both of them but it isn’t nearly as much a main setting for sonny’s adolescence as it is in canon.

on that note, since in my version the first thing that makes usnavi hold an instant vendetta against pete is catching pete tagging the store only a few weeks after losing his parents, where his feelings are still so intense and raw. the store hasn’t reopened and so the graffiti feels like someone else making a claim on the only thing he has left of his parents. in this version he’d be annoyed to catch someone tagging the store at most but much quicker to forgive and forget. so in a world where usnavi doesn’t lose his parents, usnavi also doesn’t hate graffiti pete.

if we’re assuming that things did go roughly similar to the point of usnavi being in the club with vanessa on the night of the blackout, here’s the things that would change:

- sonny isn’t the one at the bodega, his parents are, and they’re together so usnavi doesn’t feel the same urgency to get back and check on things there when the power goes out. instead he finds vanessa and walks her home and by the time he’s back at the store, i think his mom would already be with abuela making sure she’s okay, and usnavi would focus on helping his dad make sure everything was safe and secure at the bodega

- he’s also probably still pretty drunk at this point, so there’s a chance that when everything at the store is secured he just goes straight to bed; it’s been a long night, and he’s tired, and he doesn’t have the trauma of past loss making him feel like he personally has to check every little thing himself. he trusts his parents to take care of abuela, it isn’t all on his shoulders. so they don’t have their moment together on the roof.

- whether the store gets looted in this version or not, i don’t think usnavi’s waking up at sunrise to deal with it, but even if he is then he gets up, helps his parents, is upset and annoyed but not in the same visceral, overwhelming way that he is in canon because he doesn’t have all those other long-term anxieties building up in him, he doesn’t have that pressure of his parents legacy tied up in the store when they’re still right there, he doesn’t have that conversation with vanessa where she’s hurt and betrayed that he left her in the blackout and didn’t check up on her. (sidenote this may even mean that vanessa doesn’t move downtown, because if he isnt looking for a way to make things up to her before he leaves then he might not think to speak to dani about co-signing her apartment)

- this means he probably doesn’t get overwhelmed and abandon cleanup to go visit abuela in the morning like he does in canon when we get Hundreds of Stories. he might not even be around, since he tells sonny in canon to get a generator and candles to the church and that’s probably an errand he’d do himself while his parents manned the store. this means he probably does not see abuela that one final time or have that one final meaningful conversation with her before she passes.

final sad note: in a version of events where usnavi never loses his parents, christmas is still his favourite time of year.

#in the heights #usnavi de la vega #fandom: in the heights #long post #good to know that no matter what universe i find a way to make myself so sad about usnavi #Anonymous

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amjustagirl · 3 years

Note

hellooo hope your day's been okay by far <3 mine was fine (ig), tho suffering from writer's block

if you dont mind 😗 do you get writer's block often? and like how do you usually deal with it

because like i rlly want to write something (and i have EVERYTHING planned out) but writer's block just goes no. furthermore im more free nowadays and i wanna write so bad?? like hurry up la, go and use ur free time to write before your mom comes back with more work to do!!

i try reading fics for motivation (yours included) but i tend to get sidetracked because theyre all so good djdhdhdb

also can i call u jie jie *looks away shyly* n like ur one of the first people i ever called jie jie bc im one of the oldest kids in my family- besides i dont even know the names of my older cousins my family is so big oml

also super excited for your upcoming fics!!! need to prepare for the angst though (if theres any 😀)

i think thats all have a nice day💞 (sends virtual hug)

Hello!!!

Well if you wanna call me jie jie, it'll be an honour! I shall call you aki meimei then if you like ❤️ Asian families are liddat hor, we just call each other uncle auntie gorgor didi jiejie mei mei and I think it's super cute! And I shall accept any hug of yours and respond with tenfold hugs and love!

My day has been...eventful to say the least LOL. I shan't traumatise you but yeah I detailed it in my previous response 😂😂😂

But okay re writers block! I find that just writing even summaries of the scenes I want help, but if I'm looking for inspiration, I like you go reread fics that I truly admire and love, at least to jog my brain to be creative! I also just like to imagine the plots of the fics and kindaaaa feel the emotions of the characters (feel their pain, more like!) I don't stress myself to produce fics cos stress isn't condusive to inspiration, but i like to read and edit my fics if I'm less inspired, it gets me back in the groove so to speak!

Hope this answers your qn and pls feel free to ask me more if you want more details!

#Nikki chats!#aki<3

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nikanndros · 4 years

Note

Hey. I wanted to say Thank You and that I’m glad you back to writing again. I really do adore your stories and appreciate all your work, love the little added bits of humour, love etc you put into fics. I was extremely excited about seeing a new lamen fic up on the archive from you. I devoured it then reread it to pick up all the bits I missed the first read through. Enjoy on a pedestal to even tho aug/nik aren’t normally my thing. Hope this means your back for a bit and I’ll get to read more ❤️

Thank you! I hope I’m back too. Here’s some Lamen from the assassin au as thanks.

“We know who you are, Damianos,” says the voice on the phone.

“Is that so?” Damen responds. Sure, the opening line is a little unnerving, but Damen’s got bigger concerns. Like whether the cauliflower at this store is organic, and GMO-free (whatever that means, Alyssa at the vegan health store has assured him it’s important).

“We know what you were hired for. And for a little--”

“What’s with the ‘we’ thing?” Damen interrupts. “I mean, you’re clearly just one person talking. Do you speak for an organisation or is it like, a royal We kind of thing?”

There’s a pause. “Our company was hired by a Mr Marley. We know that you’ve been employed to carry out a hit on him, and we are here to motivate you to act otherwise.”

“Huh,” Damen says. He puts the cauliflower in the trolley and moves down the aisle to the tomatoes. “Honestly, that’s a relief to hear. If you were royalty, it’d get awkward, because my partner and I tried this roleplay thing the other week, and--”

“We have your husband!” The man on the phone shouts suddenly, and with a tinge of desperation.

Damen frowns. “Sorry, was I oversharing? My husband says I need to be more open about our sex life, but maybe that was too much.” And probably also a plot on Laurent’s behalf to traumatise Auguste.

“We have your husband,” the man repeats sternly. “You are to reject the hit and send us information on who hired you, or we will kill him.”

Damen picks up a sweet potato, and regards it. “Okay.”

“Okay,” the man says. “We have a deal?”

“I meant more that I understood what you were saying than that I agreed to your terms.” Damen looks down at his trolley. “Actually, could you put him on the phone real quick?”

He can hear the man saying in the background that Damen is requesting proof of life. Then Laurent’s voice drifts over the phone.

“Sweetheart,” Laurent drawls. He sounds bored.

“I’m at the store,” Damen says. He can hear his own voice echoing back a little, so he must be on speakerphone. “Curry for dinner. Did you want me to pick you up some chicken or something to have on the side?”

Damen is a vegetarian, but he respects Laurent’s choice not to be. Also, Laurent is kind of tetchy when he’s low on iron.

“That’s okay,” Laurent says, “My brother wants to take me to that steakhouse on Thursday, remember?”

“Of course,” Damen replies.

There’s a noise of someone fumbling with a phone and then the man’s voice is back. “That’s enough,” he says. “You agree to our terms. You will meet us tonight at--”

“Actually,” Damen says. “I’ve really got to get dinner started, but I’m sure my beloved can handle things from here.” Laurent hadn’t said any of their ‘help me please’ codewords, so he’s definitely just playing around with whoever these guys are.

“What?” the man says.

“Listen, I’ve got to go now; I hate people talking on phones at the checkout, but,” Damen smiles, “Good luck.” They’ll need it.

#captive prince #the assassin au #my writing #do i remember all my writing tags? probably not #Anonymous

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aw-eather · 4 years

Text

Heather Watched the Extended Threads.

As if I haven’t already had a bad morning, lets emotionally torture ourselves shall we. Here is my running commentary:

Under a read more cause it was 8 pages of notes.

That Previously On just shows that the main point of this episode is to get Sam and Jack together so if y’all don’t think they’re together after this, I have some news for you.

Gucci Douchebag making an appearance in the Previously On is not my idea of fun

JACOB I MISS YOU I AM ALREDY CRYING GOD HELP ME

Alright the episode has started with KERRY JOHNSON LOVE OF MY LIFE

Sam, you can’t be jealous, you’re literally MARRYING ANOTHER MAN.

Lol Jack you moron as if Daniel would walk through the door right now.

Sam is glaring at you funny just fyi.

But he’s right, Daniel is just waiting for y’all to be nice about him.

Oma I would like to order a plate of fucks to give about Daniel’s story at this point

Teal’c of the Tau’ri is a cute title I love that man

Aww I feel so proud of Teal’c.

FUCK OFF PETE

JAAACOOOB

Pete is so cringy

Jacob let Jack call him Dad once.. Pete has to wait until after marriage.

This is awkward as fuck

Pete you are so insensitive,

Jacob hates him. Same honestly.

You can tell he hates him tho, he’s not hiding it. My partners mum did a better job and she’s homophobic.

Sam is SO NOT in love with this guy

Oma being cryptic, checks out

Anubis makes me wanna punch someone.

This episode is really just tying up loose threads (probably hence the title) but its nice to know Pete is considered a loose thread 😊

Teal’c having to decide between the Jaffa and the Tau’ri is sad

Agh the newspaper and Daniel finding out about plans is an aggravating storyline

“I’m gonna marry him” reads the same as “Dad, I am happy”. Honey who are you trying to convince??? We don’t believe you.

“I know how happy he makes you” *Cut to Sam who looks nonchalant* *cut to Jacob who knows exactly what he’s doing and what he’s doing is attempting to stop her marrying Gucci Doucebag*

Selmak isn’t alive to make that call Jacob stop lying

I’M GONNA CRY AGAIN

She is really thinking about this. Like she looks like she’s second guessing herself constantly.

KERRY

JACK

KERRY AND JACK

JACK AND KERRY

WAKING UP TOGETHER

OH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

I love how soft and tender he is with her, I imagine he’d be the same with Sam.

I love how he cuddles her and kisses her and plays with her hair and that hand on her face I--- *insert heart eyes*

I just really love them so much I wish we got more of soft, boyfriend Jack

Trouble in Jaffa land lol

I think he did really like her though.

Anyway back to Half Ascended!Daniel

Oma ya shouldn’t have helped the first two times, that’s the fucking problem babe

I literally do not give a shit about Daniel, I’m sorry. I really try but I can’t

OH NO THE PHONE CALL SCENE

She is SO sick of Gucci Douchebag

I can’t believe he called her at WORK over FLOWERS

AND SAYING ITS URGENT FUCK SAKE

I love Peter in the back

Jack watching her

Jacob is playing matchmaker so hard I fucking love him

Sam’s face tho is sooooo funny LIKE DAD SHUT UP WE DON’T MENTION THIS IN FRONT OF MY CO

Oh the little sigh he does before telling her to go pick flowers I can’t handle that man, he’s so heartbroken its like a lost puppy

Jack smiles but his eyes say oh yeah, I lost her and she’s happy with someone else now. PLOT TWIST: she’s miserable

Sam looks hurt because she still loves Jack

FUCK ME IT HURTS THEY DESERVED MORE

Jacob don’t play dumb babe, we know what you’re trying to do

Oh she MAD MAD at Dad

Why is it ok to break some rules and not others, you ask? Because y’all are white and can get away with it?

Oma just stop helping people. You don’t need to help them, just stop. I don’t want to be an ascended being y’all suck

Chocolate or vanilla like go HOME WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE

Sam shaking her head no about getting blown up by aliens is so cute I love her so much

This feels like friends talking

Or like these two people I know who claim they’re in love but its always soooo awkward around them.

Generally speaking that’s my type like you haven’t had two alien boyfriends in the last 8 years babe

“I have a surprise for you” YOU BOUGHT A FUCKING HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING HER YOU CRETIN

THAT’S NOT A SURPRISE THAT’S CONTROLLING AND WEIRD

I hate that she looks happy. Don’t get me wrong I want her happy, I really do. And as much as I’m sure she loved Pete, she wasn’t in love with him. But I suppose she was happy for the first time with some one she could have… feelings are complicated, best not to have them honestly.

Jack has really long eyelashes. Just an observation.

That’s a lotta sugar, Danny boy. And Its not gonna make you any sweeter, I promise.

I love that he took the cup with him like he’s gonna drink it with THAT much sugar in it

Exposition, exposition, exposition.

Go away Anubis ya pain In the arse.

Oh the HOUSE

Have I said how much I hate that outfit cause I hate that outfit

It is a beautiful house to be fair but like…

Look at the PANIC in her eyes

I already have a problem with how they got engaged and the fact they stayed together after he STALKED HER.

Pete’s ability to control a situation and guilt trip her (literally he ran away and had her investigated by the FBI when she wouldn’t tell him about her work) reminds me of my ex. Which is probably why I hate him so damn much.

THE DECK SCENE

HER LOOKING AT HIS HOUSE

THE MUSIC

HE LOOKS GOOD IN DARK BLUE

I’M SORRY ITS ALL IN CAPS I’M TYPING AND WATCHING AND I’M SCREMING ON THE INSIDE DEAL WITH IT FAM I’M SORRY

THAT SMALL GRIN ON HIS FACE WHEN SHE SAYS SHE’S BEEN WORKING UP THE NERVE TO COME AND TALK TO HIM

TRUTH IS I’VE BEENTRYING TO WORK UP THE EVER FOR A LOT LONGER THAN THAT STOOP

ITS NOT GREAT JACK

YEAH BUT JACK HAS AN EVEN NCER HOSUE

SECOND THUGHTS

YES YOU ARE. GIANT MISTAKE INFACT

SHE’S REHEREDSE THIS SO MANY TIMES

KERRY FUCK OFFF NOW IS NOT THE TIME SWEETIE

THE BEER LOL

UES IT IS AWKKWARD

JACKS FACE OUCH

KERRY IS SO SWEET ASKING HER TO STAY FOR LUNCH

NO NOT DAD FUCK

Kerry caught him looking a little too long tbh

I’m not editing typos out of that btw it shows my rage

DAAAAAAD

JACOB YOU SWEET MAN

Oh sam honey I’m so sorry

I’m gonna cry again

FUCK OFF DANIEL JFC I literally do not give a shit

I only found out about Carmen’s death a couple months ago so I’m not gonna handle this well fam

Oh no

I’m typing and not looking again

Because Jacob is gonna tell her to go after Jack

I can’t breath

Six years ago

I’m not letting that go

It’s a continuity fuck up

Not that important but drives me nuts

No you’re not

He’s talking about jack

Come on sam he’s not dum

Everything you want is a house, a marriage and JACK

KERRY

LOVE OF MY LIFE

BREAKING UP WITH JACK FOR THE GREATER GOOD

I really like YOU Kerry

He’s so sad

He really liked Kerry

Retire please sir

Bye Kerry, I miss you already <3

If he told Sam he loved her right now she’d drop everything for him

He’s contemplating it

He’s confused but he’s thinking abut it because she’s stressed right now and ENGAGED but damn Kerry makes good points

More explanation and blah blah

Like if this was the main point of the story, there would be more talk of it outside of Daniel and we wouldn’t have just had 20 straight minutes if Sam and Jack pining over each other

Sorry can we talk about how PETE put a down payment on a house with OUT talking to her?? What if she didn’t like the neighbourhood?

Sorry I’m still mad about that

To be fair that green does look good on Daniel

Oma looks so proud

THEN STOP -B R E A K I N G- IT YOU GOOSE

Fuck sake woman

I’m so emotionally traumatised by this episode that I can’t remember half of what is added and half of whats in the 40 minute cut because I am repressing it lol. Obviously the scene with Kerry and the ones with Pete

NO JACOB

AND JACK BEING THERE FOR SAM

AND THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SAID I LOVE YOU ALL OVER AGAIN

SORRY I NEED A TEN MINUTE BREAK TO CRY

OK I’m back

Sam looking at her like he wants to tell her he loves her breaks my tiny stone cold heart even more

He didn’t actually NEED to put his arm around her but they both actually really did need it

The way she rubs her thumb on his hand and leans into him I fucking can’t

AND MORE DANEIL FFS

Sorry I just feel like this was supposed to be the A plot, Dakara was the B plot and Sam/Jack was the C plot but it ended up Sam/Jack = A, Daniel and Anubis = B, Dakara = C

Took ya long enough to catch on, Danny boy

Good BYE PETE

You didn’t know shit from the beginning go home

That’s the same shade of blue Jack had on before… interesting

I mean it does have something to do with her father…

She will, babe, don’t stress

To be fair, to give him some credit, he took it like a champ

But also don’t be a creep ya know

Why does Sam’s jacket look awkward

She just looks awkward this entire sequence

INCOMING WORMHOLE

What, pray tell, is the point of the self destruct if it doesn’t blow up the gate? Isn’t that part of the point?

Daniel ya tit, that’s not gonna work

Fuck YEAH OMA

BEAT HIS FUCKING ASS

Now Daniel can come back to earth and be with Vala thanks

Literally the only time I like him is with Vala and then its with a push

This seems a little too convenient tbh

I know it was OMA but this episode just feels…. Disjointed

Ah but will you destroy it? Probably not knowing the Jaffa

I wonder if Sam and Jack have spoken by now. Clearly not the same day because different clothes.

I’d say two days since Dad?

Ack Naked!Daniel

Jack is so AWKWARD I LOVE HIM

SAM CAN’T LOOK AT HIM

BRA’TAC IS ENCOURAGING THIS BULL SHIT

F I S H I N G

I can believe it, Sam.

She’s leaning towards him

Aw that giggle

That look she gives him

They’re so happy

This was the perfect ending

It should have finished there

How much time passed between then and s9 I wonder

At least a month right because Sam had been away a month?

Well that was good.

Hurt my heart but it was good

Final notes:

Jacob and Janet deserved better

I want more Kerry

They should have stopped at s9

Sam and Jack are together now, TRY and convince me otherwise

I’m thinking of smutty fic ideas for the cabin please stop me

Thanks for coming along on that emotional roller coaster ride. Ended up being 9 pages of dot points so I’m sorry! But I feel like I’ve said my bit.

Oh one last thing

Fuck Pete 😊

#SG1 #Stargate SG1 #Stargate #SG1: Threads #Sam x Jack #Jack x Sam #OTP: They might as well have said I love you #Samantha Carter #Jack O'Neill #Teal'c #Daniel Jackson #Oma De Sala #jacob carter #kerry johnson #Gucci Douchebag #ATapps #RDA #mostly #Mudblood-and-proud watches

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anarochart · 3 years

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Making Of | Cacá

I graduated in 2018/1 from UNISUL with a Bachelors degree in Design and for my final project i chose to make a 2d animated short. This post will show you the steps i had to go through to get to the finished animation. I hope this inspires people to make their own animations even with little knowledge of how to make one.

The Idea

The first ideas i had were far from this one. I was thinking about making a Poster Collection About LGBT Issues, then my mind wondered to making a ZINE about it that could be distributed in schools and then i started to talk to my advisor about what i liked to do within design and what could be a project that i would be proud of and could execute.

I arrived at animation, it was something that involved drawing and creating something moving about the subject that i chose. I found some researches about LGBT prejudice in high school here in Brazil and the numbers were traumatising to say the least. I was pretty wrecked from reading the stories of these young people that were abused, yelled at and beaten. So i chose to try and portray what those people went through. I encountered several open researches with testimonials from lgbt students and began to select those that were similar to each other to see what was happening to them.

Writing/Storyboarding

Writing the story for me was the most difficult part. I'm not very good at it and the theme was getting to me on an emotional level. Since i was making this animation on my own and couldn't get help since it was an individual assignment i opted to not use any dialogue. I wanted the music and the image to speak for themselves. So i ended up using the storyboard as my main story tool because i could figure them out better by drawing then writing it.

Finding the Look

After i finished the storyboard and was content with it i started brainstorming for the look and feel of the animation. What were the colors i wanted to use, the textures, the characters features and so on.

The mains references i used and that helped shape this animation the most were from artist and animator Alex Grigg, the movie Breakfast Club directed by John Hughes, artist and animator Mabel Ye, and the movie The Royal Tenenbaums directed by Wes Anderson.

The Characters

The main character is Cacá, a 16 year old girl, that identifies as a lesbian and is constantly bullied at school. She was a combination of all the students i saw in the research phase. I went through all the research to gather the data of age, gender, ethnicity and sexuality.

For the secondary characters i wanted to keep the design simple and i thought about making them in the images of mannequins to represent society's acceptable standards.

The Backgrounds

For the background art i also used a lot of the research to define what parts of the school they would be. Which places did the violence and bullying happened, where did the character felt safe and so on. I used a lot of reference from schools here in Brazil, where you can find a lot of bathroom tagging which inspired the scene where she feels all the weight of the words people write on those walls.

Here's some of the process of the background from the storyboard thumbnails till the finished art with character positioning to see if the styles worked together.

The Animatic and Sound Design

When i cleaned the tumbnail storyboards to make the Animatic i made some changes of where i would place some of the scenes to improve the flow of the story. With the boards cleaned I started playing around with sound, back then i wasn't too confident with music so i searched some songs that would work well with the film and asked around to their creators if I could use it for this project. I ended up using 'Staring at the Clock' by Steven O'brien who allowed me to use it for free.

vimeo

Then i searched for sound effects that would work with the movement and feel of the animation, some of them i recorded my self and then added some audio effects to make it sound different to fit better with the scenes. And finally I recorded Cacá's thoughts at the end with my own voice, it was challenging to make this final statement, because there was so much i wanted to say but i was able to narrow it down to the theme: Respect.

The Animation

This was the HARDEST part hahah. I only had one animation class in my whole Design university course so it was a lot of researching and figuring out what i could do with the level of skill i had at that time. I used Photoshop animation timeline and did the rough pass, clean up and coloring on there. After i used Premiere and After Effects for the compositing and sound editing parts.

For the secondary characters i wanted their movements to be stiff since they were based on mannequins which don't have a lot of articulation. Even tho i did make them knees and elbows i wanted to maintain that stiffness.

Watch the full Animated Short bellow

youtube

#animation #2danimation #anarocha95 #anarochart #caca #animated short #short animated films

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damdahdi-studies · 4 years

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exam season

the last 2 weeks have been exam season. leading up to exams i ran week-long blocks of distracting websites on my mac, so I haven’t been able to get on tumblr.... so finally updating now: (more like ranting.)

one math exam left, on thursday morning

exams so far have been.... okay. none of them i feel particularly good about, but overall i think i managed to deal with the stress/anxiety better this semester than last, just a little bit

some nice things that happened before exams:

100% in Chinese speaking mock exam, listening and writing section of written mock exam. i didn’t really realise it until i looked back on my old posts and read how i felt after first set of exams just now, but i have come ... maybe not a long way, but some kind of way :] at the time i was very insecure about just myself and barely believed i could improve on my own; yet i did to a standard i never could’ve dreamed even start of this year.

somehow obtained 90% in an oral presentation i made about The Crucible by Arthur Miller. i still don’t know how I did it, but I’m glad i improved from the 60s i got last semester in presentations. public speaking still felt like hell though

top female scorer in my state for some maths competition. also have no idea how i did this, i thought i would get distinction at best.

changed piano teachers (previous teacher recommended the new one)

dress for year 12 ball next year arrived. it’s a soft grey pretty thing

my birthday was during exam season :/

also first set of my own prayer beads arrived. have been using them daily since

reflecting on each subject: (so I can read back on this after i get my marks back and be like haha.... you fool.)

Literature: better than last time is all i can say... it was okay (still felt like hell during the exam because it’s Literature) managed time during exam slightly better, I didn’t panic as much, but that’s about it lmao i’m crossing my fingers for a low 70s and double crossing for an A. i wasn’t able to or simply didn’t contribute much effort/time to literature this semester, so a B wouldn’t really be a fuck-i-tried-so-hard-why-did-i-get-this-grade kind of punch in the gut, but it would be really nice to not break an all A streak... but I highly suspect I will get a B

Methods (maths): exam was harder than i expected. hoping for a 90s though, a mark that wont bring my average down. i think i was best prepared for methods compared to other subjects, emphasis on COMPARED to other subjects. -_-

Physics: ahh physics. a whole debacle happened during the exam, please see below. other than that the exam was... kind of expected difficulty? which is difficult, but it wasn’t terrible-terrible. i’m hoping for an 80s. i really can’t hope for much, i was probably delirious half the time. i did manage to ‘finish’ (attempt every question) though i wish i got more time... i couldn’t double check many questions and there was this one question i wanted to spend more time on but oh well...

summary: i threw up once before the exam, twice during.

ate a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, with some salmon on top for breakfast. looking back, it was probably the salmon.

didn’t feel good after. got to school feeling pretty sick in the stomach and a pretty bad headache.... which escalated to one of the worst headaches ive had in the last 3 years in 20 minutes

at this point i could tell something was wrong and that i was about to throw up

went to the toilet, tried to throw up whatever was causing pain to my body, but couldn’t. only ended up scaring away some poor kid in the next cubicle

FIRST TIME: left toilet. sit still for 10 minutes outside, feeling progressively worse. go back to the toilet, then throw up a lot. gargle, wash face, go back to find everyone filing into the exam room.

feeling slightly better at this point since ive thrown up (i thought i had emptied most of my stomach by then. spoiler alert: no) and decide internally to just do the exam. (if i don’t, then i would have to fill out some form, probably do the exam way later. too annoying)

SECOND TIME: so i sit the exam. 5-6 minutes into reading time, i feel another wave of throwing up coming. i raise my hand, i’m at the very back of the hall, so examiner takes a bit to notice. my brainwashed ass brain thinks i can’t stand up and leave without the examiners spoken permission, so i persist in sitting in my seat for around 10 seconds until she’s there, i’m already throwing up in my mouth at this point. finally something snaps and i make a break for the toilet, but it’s too late and i throw up all over the floor. in the exam hall. Fuck. i immediately apologise on the spot.

examiner leads me to toilet. i throw up some more. gargle, wash face. she asks me to step outside for a couple of minutes for fresh air and i do. 5 minutes later she comes back and asks me if i want to continue the exam. i say yes. we go back in, the vomit is gone from the floor. she moves my seat closer to the exit, and tells me i can bolt out whenever i need to throw up. i sit the exam.

some time after this, the other examiner leaves a vomit bag next to me just in case

THIRD TIME: an hour in? i feel another wave coming. i grab the vomit bag, make a dash for the toilets but the stupid old door won’t open properly. the examiner helps me open the door and i throw up in the toilets, in the vomit bag this time. it’s not as much as the previous two times. tie up the bag, throw it in the bin, gargle, wash face.

instinctively i feel that this is the last time i’ll throw up, that i’ve truly emptied everything from my stomach this time. headache is way weaker at this point.

go back in and examiner asks me if i’m really sure i want to continue the exam, whether or not if i want to fill in a form excusing myself from the exam. i say no.

about an hour left in the exam, which i sit in utter peace

didn’t get any extra time.

apologised to some people around me after the exam while filing out of the hall... i suffered but they did too.

went home and drank some stomach soothing tea. slept

ate porridge for the next 2 days.

Chemistry: it was.... okay. i did finish and attempt every question. there were a couple of questions in multiple choice i was iffy about and a question in short answer i was like um... what? to, but other than that it was.... eh. i didn’t study much for it, so whatever mark i get i deserve. if i do defend myself it was 3 days after the shit show that was the physics exam, and i felt sick for at least a day after.... but yeah. should’ve tried more.

during reading time, the examiner who saved my life put the vomit bag on my desk in the physics exam came and asked me if i was feeling better

i said i’m feeling good thanks : )

like an hour later? i feel sickness coming. not stomach this time, just general sickness. somehow i get a fever and subsequently, the FLU in the middle of the chem exam-

i highly suspect i got it from the examiner

come back home to find out that i really do have a fever

this was yesterday. yes i’m sick now. like, more sick.

Chinese: this was today. i’m still kind of too traumatised to reflect on it properly. Chinese is the only subject that ive studied the yr 12 course for this year, so this exam really counts. like 35% of my final grade counts kind of counts. and i did pretty bad. like pretty bad. it was definitely more difficult than the mock exams, and the recordings in listening section were quicker than previous years. the writing section was... traumatising while writing i kind of had a wave of anxiety/panic hit me? i could feel my heartbeat my face was burning and i started sweating ;-; and even the reading section, which is usually okay, was a bit hard. i’ll get the marks back and my final grade for this subject in December - we’ll see until then. got a slightly overdue birthday present before the exam tho :)

So yup. that’s my exam season. i’m typing this instead of studying for my maths exam day after tomorrow but hey, i’m sick and need rest, right?

overall, these exams i managed to keep control of my stress a bit better, i wasn’t so overwhelmed like last time. last semester i could barely live, literally. this time i made the habit of living at the library which i found really helpful and comparatively productive, i’ll definitely be using that strategy more often. i’m just glad i managed to study SOMETHING or prepare for exams explicitly this time, because i was simply too overwhelmed to do that last time. i improved. maybe not by much, maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s better than none...

i’m not saying i don’t have regrets or shortcomings in these exams. i definitely do. DeFinITEly. but doesn’t mean i didn’t improve. i did improve. just, maybe not as much as i wanted.

i really learned to the bone this time that learning during the semester is so, so important. i think that’s just a wisdom i’ll have to carry through the rest of my academic career.

wish me luck for my maths exam on Thursday

my friends and ive already planned an outing for after the exams :)

also getting overdue birthday presents next monday! :D

#exam #high school #student #exam season #exams #study #studying #studyblr #chinese #sick #mental health #stress #overwhelmed #anxiety

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