Ok I am very bad at articulating my thoughts etc but I keep imaging post Martinaise with Harrys reconnection with his past life and with Kim transferring to the 41th (and harry crushimg on him), Harry's insecurities and self hatred taking the form of Kim in his nightmares, saying all the horrible things Harry thinks about himself using this dream version of Kim. Or even Kim just appearing in Harry's dreams, not saying anything, an unapproachable figure with glasses obscuring his eyes but always watching, judging all of harrys mistakes and wrongdoings*.

*either imaginary transgressions, mistakes from the past, or fallbacks an amnesiac addict is expexted to make along the path of recovery

All the while the real Kim being having no idea this is happening and wondering why Harry seems more withdrawn and nervous ever since they returned to Jamrock (is it just him adjusting to his new old life? is it the job or his coworkers getting to him? Is it something kim did?)

Anyway ya

How I Achieved Glass Skin Without Trying

Yes, you read that right. I achieved glass skin literally without trying at all. With glass skin being pretty much the last thing on my mind actually. Partly because I was never insecure about my skin as I really didn't have any acne issues. I had smaller bumps on my forehead and a little bit on the other parts of my face but no big breakouts or chronic issues. Also partly because I was so focused on something else...want to learn how you can also achieve clear skin without actually trying to achieve clear skin? Keep reading for all the deets.

Okay, so, as I mentioned above - clear skin was not my focus. It was genuinely the last thing on my mind. My focus was on something better. My focus was (and is) on my overall health. Women nowadays are so focused on 10 step skincare routines to achieve clear skin and retain youthfulness. This is not me putting anyone down, if a 10 step skincare routine makes you happy than by all means continue on! I'm merely pointing out that women don't need to do all of that to heal their skin. The key word in that last sentence is heal. But enough of me talking, here's what I did to completely clear my skin by focusing on my overall health. **Everything I name below are things I still do.

Diet

I focused on consuming nourishing foods

I have veggies and / or fruit at every meal. No exception. I don't go a day without consuming them. I focus on foods that nourish my body from the inside out. I don't eat processed anything. I consume other types of carbs, not just bread or pasta.

2. I began to drink coconut water and pure pineapple juice first thing in the morning

I drink 8 - 10oz of coconut water mixed with pineapple juice every morning. I've seen a big difference with my hydration levels throughout the day.

3. I severely limited fizzy drinks

There's a specific brand of sparkling water I love (it's called Clear American) and I used to drink it regularly. There's nothing super unhealthy about this brand but it's still carbonated. When I began to limit drinking sparkling water, I noticed a difference in my body and skin. I also very rarely drink soda, and if I do it's always Ginger Ale. I mainly drink water with lemon, organic lemonade and hot tea.

4. I limit bread to one meal a day

I always eat a type of carb during breakfast as they give me the energy I need to go through the day. *Side note* carbs are not bad for you. Your body needs them! Processed carbs are what should be avoided. Anyways, I only eat bread one time a day and then I'll eat other types of carbs throughout the day. The bread I eat is always the least amount of processed possible. I only eat sourdough or whole grain bread. I like going to famers markets to purchase my bread. If I don't eat bread for breakfast then I'll potentially eat a slice or two at lunch but I avoid eating bread for dinner. I like to consume things my body can more easily break down at dinner.

5. I cut out alcohol

I never drank a whole lot. I've always been a 'glass of wine while hanging with my best friend' type of woman, but if I was out on the town I would drink cocktails. I cut mixed drinks out completely. If I go out I'll order a pineapple juice or ginger beer (which despite its name, is nonalcoholic). I will very occasionally have a glass of wine but that's about it.

6. I limited my caffeine intake

I have a cup of coffee with creamer and sugar in the morning and that's it for coffee. If I'm slowing down in the middle of the day I drink water first and make sure to get up and take a walk around my office to get my blood flowing. If I'm still dragging after a full cup of water and 30 minutes, I'll drink a chai, other caffeinated tea or a matcha.

Lifestyle

1. I shortened my skin care routine to 2-3 steps

Your skin does not need a lot. It needs to be taken care of from the inside out way more than it needs products on it. In the morning I do a serum, very very light exfoliation and a moisturizing hyaluronic acid lotion. At night I cleanse, put on eye cream and use the same lotion. Once or twice a week I'll do a face mask. That's it! When I switched to this simple routine and focused on my overall health, my skin began to thrive.

2. I began to walk more

I sustained an injury so I wasn't able to walk as much as I was before. Once my injury healed and I was able to walk again (in the midst of all the other changes I was making), I noticed a difference in my energy level and changes in my body. Walking is so great for you, including great for your skin!

3. I began to sleep with a satin pillowcase every night

I ditched the regular pillowcase and switched to a satin one. I did this switch for my hair, not my skin but I've noticed it's helped with my skin a lot as well.

That's it! Once I made these simple changes and was consistent with them, I began to notice how much more amazing I felt. Then one day I looked up and my skin was completely clear. Not a small bump in sight. You don't need to buy all these acne products off of Amazon to get rid of your problem areas. Focus on nourishing and healing your body from the inside out. That's the secret.

I hate that people can easily find the stupid and shitty things I said and did over 5 years ago and jump to the conclusion that that's who I am, and there's no easy way for anyone to see all the efforts I've been making since then to NOT be that person. It's hard to find all my apologies and explanations because I didn't tag them all properly. I've tried time and time again to explain that I was mimicking the behavior bad adults gave me when I was growing up and that no one really called me out on that behavior until it was too late. I've tried to explain that since then I've been going through extensive therapy to separate bad learned behavior from who I want to actually be. There's so much more to this whole story than what one small chunk of the internet is making it out to be. People who actually know me know that this has been eating me up constantly and that I am always living in fear of losing everything to this drama.

especially since some of that info takes quotes out of context, jumps to conclusions that aren't true, or flat out lies about what certain artworks are depicting or meaning to convey (Like claiming a grown ass adult is a child even tho I have proof the character looks totally different as an adult than as a child, or claiming that a shock piece meant to make people reel back in horror was a fetish when it was not at all that)

It takes clips of things without the full picture and puts words in my mouth.

Here's a little something about how I used to talk about sore subjects: I would make a controversial sounding statement, but then I would explain myself in a way that would show the statement wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. A lot of the time they just take that bad statement and paste it for the world to see, without giving any of that context of me explaining why I said that and why it's not what it sounds like.

I wish people were smart enough to spot cherry picking when they see it, but they just aren't. They'll see one sentence, and someone saying "look they're supporting this bad thing" and that's all they need to think that's what it is. People aren't smart enough to really ask questions and try to understand a situation, all they want is face value to tell them how to think and feel.

People aren't going to bother to listen to me because I'm "the bad guy" and I'll "say anything to cover my ass".

Listen, if I was really that horrible of a person, don't you think there would be more evidence out there that is very clear and blunt and not just making assumptions on what a thing means?

I'm never gonna sit here and say what I said and did wasn't wrong, it was, but it was not done because I was trying to be a terrible person or prey on anyone. It was because I was insanely misguided by someone who groomed me for 5 years since childhood and then abused me for another 3 in a really toxic relationship. And then I never got HELP for it, I never got therapy to cope with it, I never even realized until way later that 'holy shit this person was 7 years older than me and was taking advantage of me the whole time'. Like I knew they were abusive but adults being friends with children was so normalized in my head, and throughout my life many adults or older kids exposed me to things I shouldn't have been and it skewed in my head what was appropriate behavior or not. Or what was okay to draw or not. And a lot of my opinions were formed around this adult who convinced me things like loli/shota were fine as long as they were strictly made up, and he fed me a lot of nonsense about what does and doesn't make a predator to cover his own ass. I was seriously fucked up almost beyond repair for a long time.

I have a warning on my blog now that minors shouldn't be following me, I make it a point to not ever work with minors on projects or talk to a minor in any capacity beyond a fan to artist relationship. I understand now that it is my responsibility as a NSFW artist that I simply cannot have minors as friends. And being much older now I don't even want minors as friends anyway. When I was in my early 20s the age gap didn't feel as bad but I'm definitely feeling it now and I just don't want to deal with minors any more.

I'm not a danger to anyone, I'm not spewing apologetics for horrible people, I've been doing my best to be a much better and more informed person

And I have no easy way to prove any of it in a way that will matter

I'm only talking about this now because once again I was kicked out of something because someone found that old info and that was all it took. No one cares about my side of things.

And I don't know if this will ever go away

I don't know if I'll ever find any amount of comfortable success because I can't get rid of this shit and on the internet it doesn't matter how long ago you did something or how much you've changed, you did it and therefor you're bad forever.

I hate this shit so much.

i'm happy that video essays are a popular format on youtube now. i've loved the genre for years and, with care, it's a reliable source of accessible education.

that said, the popularity of video essays on youtube makes me feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears. it is so easy to immediately tell when an author has no actual investment in the genre and sees it merely as a vehicle for #Content™️©️®️

There are three basic qualities I see suffering the most for this

1. Length

I see so many of these newer channels pumping out 8 hour pieces that are closer to exhaustive book reports then they are tight, well written examinations of something and, while I LOVE the diversity inherent to the video essay format, this is a terrible way to explore a topic. It's boring, lame, and extremely profitable.

Quinton Reviews is a good example; I like his work occasionally, his recent thing on Dan Schneider was genuinely pretty good. It did still suffer from the resulting pacing sickness from overloading on information and underloading on composition & organization. Wendigoon is an even better example. Most "iceberg" style vids also are (not u jan misali. never u.)

Also, there's no defined rule for the length of a video essay. They can be 5 minutes long or 5 hours, flash fiction or a full-bodied thesis. Shots of tequila or a whole bottle of wine can both get you drunk.

2. Pacing

Obviously related to length but this is another problem; video essayists have always struggled with this and it got worse recently anyways.

A lot of that "information overload" is to blame. It's important that, when researching, YOU come to a strong, nuanced understanding of a topic through disparate sources. It is, by nature of the format and genre, an extremely bad idea to try and make your audience learn the information the same way.

We don't need a thousand sources spread across several dozen sentences, we want the 3-4 (max) best sources on a given subtopic concisely synthesized into a coherent idea.

Use music, jokes and relevant graphics to make this information as engaging and interpretable as possible without sacrificing accuracy. It's okay to abridge and note that you were, in fact, abridging. We don't need to know every detail about every single thing loosely related to the topic.

Dan Olson from "Folding Ideas" is a good example of this. His script writing and camera work does an extremely good job of creating effective flow with an appropriate amount of detail & nuance. So, pacing, basically.

3. Topic

U can tell some of these jamokes don't give a fuck or shit about the thing they're discussing. Worse still when it's some inane internet drama they're recounting like its "news."

To be clear: the best video essays are OFTEN on topics you have no previous interest in. Robolox_oof.wav by HBomberguy is an easy example. This shit is a complete mess thematically but, because the author engages deeply and effectively with the topic, it literally doesn't matter. It's an insanely good video you should spend all 2 & 1/2 hours in rn. Go. Watch it.

Nor is internet drama a bad topic to cover. You're allowed, encouraged really, to discuss the weird bullshit people do to each other but like... this is closer to a soap opera than it is a national news headline. Looking at you, "Turkey Tom" or whatever the fuck your name is.

There's something to be said, too, for how quick people are to make an essay about a still moving situation. I know the algorithm is an insatiable maw of content hunger but, counterpoint, ONLY MAKE A VIDEO WHEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED. If there's reasonable suspicion stuff isn't done, SHUT THE FUCK UP. It's okay if you misjudge a timeline here or there, you're allowed to admit fault and correct yourself, but, like, cmon.

Also something to be said about how quick so many essayists have ALWAYS been to talk about someone else's business without permission, particularly intimate partner violence.

4. Style/Presentation

Video essays are an extremely novel format, particularly for education, so there's a genuine debt of easy-to-adopt styles. And, because of the recent growth, there are a lot of new people entering the space with very little experience in it.

That said, the next time I hear that fucking "influencer cadence" I'm gonna EXPLODE. You know the one, they slow down towards the end of a sentence to lend "gravitas" and overarticulate every. single. word. to, idk, build credibility?

It's shallow and obnoxious and I hate it. Nothing makes me skip a video faster than a boring intro & a predictable cadence. Be honest about the way you speak. If you struggle to create rhythm & flow with your voice, use music! Seriously, music sampling is a super valid method, most indie artists would be JAZZED to have their stuff in parts of their video. A lot of orchestral stuff is in the public domain, especially a lot of famous "classical" works. Put Beethoven's 5th in your video about potato farming in russia, God might not be real and if she is she'd ALSO think it's funny.

Another problem: predictable cuts & generally uninspired editing. I know editing is a pain in the ass but, like, it IS still a creative process. You do have space to do interesting stuff here and, if you can't focus for that long, literally just make a shorter video.

It's okay if 95% of your transitions are purely functional, the trick is to make those 5% REALLY silly to keep your audience on their toes.

5. Tone

You don't need to be "an authority" on a topic to make a good essay about it. It helps but, as long as you're clear & honest about the limits of your understanding and you've done your due diligence, you almost certainly will be fine to talk about anything you want.

If you want to build credibility quickly, consider starting with disambiguation instead of dry recitation. Dates matter less to me than actually understanding a topic better. Even better if you come across like another autistic person infodumping about whales or w/e.

I'd keep going but my phone's gonna die. U get the gist. Lots of format problems that algorithm-brain is exacerbating.

Fledgling. By Octavia E. Butler. Warner Books, 2005.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: fantasy/horror

Series: N/A

Summary: Fledgling, Octavia Butler's new novel after a seven year break, is the story of an apparently young, amnesiac girl whose alarmingly inhuman needs and abilities lead her to a startling conclusion: She is in fact a genetically modified, 53-year-old vampire. Forced to discover what she can about her stolen former life, she must at the same time learn who wanted - and still wants - to destroy her and those she cares for and how she can save herself. Fledgling is a captivating novel that tests the limits of "otherness" and questions what it means to be truly human.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: pedophelia, blood, racism (including use of the n-word), sexual content

OVERVIEW: This book has been sitting on my TBR list for a while, so I figured I'd pick it up. I'm a fan of Butler's other works, so I expected to like this one as well. Overall, there were a lot of things I appreciated about Fledgling; I appreciated Butler's meditation on race and consent, I enjoyed the new take on vampire lore, and I liked the quick pace of the story as a whole. What prevents me from giving this book a full 5 stars are primarily the infodumping and the uncomfortable sexuality between Shori and her symbionts. I'm not taking off more because I'm sure Butler made the sexual dynamic that way for a reason, though I realize it will put many readers off.

WRITING: Butler's writing is fairly direct. It's often described as blunt, and I think the term is applicable here. Butler doesn't spend a lot of time crafting figurative phrases or hedging around big emotions; she tells the reader exactly what's going on and what her characters are thinking. This style might appeal to a lot of readers, and for me, it works most of the time. The only time I didn't quite enjoy it was when there was a long string of sentences that all felt blunt and about the same length; it made the reading experience feel mechanical.

My biggest problem with the writing, however, was the amount of infodumping. Butler delivers a lot of lore by having characters just tell Shori things for pages and pages. While I was interested in the lore, I also think this style of worldbuilding takes up space that could have been spent on characters doing things.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Shori Matthews, a vampire who awakens with amnesia following a deadly attack on her family. Shori learns that she is the product of genetic experimentation: part human and part Ina (a type of vampire that lives symbioticly with humans), and though she appears be about 11 or 12, she is actually 53. As she collects new symbionts to feed off of and learns more about her special abilities, she uncovers who killed her family and left her for dead.

The most interesting aspect of this plot was the way Butler used Shori to explore questions about race. Especially during the trial (later in the book), it's very apparent that Butler is thinking about how racial difference influences things like law and justice, and how Shori's race is seen as a threat to Ina superiority.

In addition, Butler also uses the symbiotic bond between Ina and their humans to explore questions of consent and power. As a long-lived being with superhuman abilities, Shori feels responsible for the people that she binds to her, and she also wrestles with the complexities of human beings consenting to live with her when they do so partly out of compulsion. It made for an interesting dynamic that was more complex than just vampires dominating humans, and it really made me think about whether the relationship was truly symbiotic.

But even with all the interesting things going on, there were still aspects of the plot that weren't my jam. For one, the level of infodumping meant that the narrative could get tedious at times, even though I was interested in the lore that was delivered. For two, Butler depicts the relationship between Shori and her first symbiont, Wright, as partly sexual, which will disturb a lot of readers. Shori is 53 years old, but looks 11 or 12 and is still technically a child by Ina standards. Though the Ina insist a sexual relationship is not problematic for someone Shori's age, I still felt like I was reading something pedophilic from time to time. The only reason why I didn't immediately DNF this book is because I think Butler writes this dynamic for a specific purpose; I'm still working out what that purpose might be.

CHARACTERS: Shori, our protagonist, is sympathetic in that she is extremely devoted to finding out who killed her family. It's easy to want her succeed for her own sake (her feelings of grief for not being able to remember her family and properly mourn them is touching), but because she also wants to keep her human symbionts safe, she also comes across as selfless. I liked that Shori seemed to genuinely care about both humans and Ina who were close to her, and I admired the seriousness with which she treated her responsibilities. I also liked that she had a temper and strong sense of justice; she doesn't passively sit back and let things happen to her, but sometimes puts herself at risk by letting her emotions threaten the conventions of the Ina.

Shori's symbionts were interesting in that they all had different feelings about being bound to her. Wright's feelings seemed to be the most complicated, at once recognizing that he had little choice but still not leaving when he had the chance. His story more than the others made me think the most about power and consent, though the others had their moments. I do wish we had spent more time with Theodora, however, as I think doing so would have made her arc feel more emotionally impactful.

The Ina characters were also interesting in that they were these ancient, aloof families whose members were exclusively white and European (I think?). Because Shori is black and part human, the Ina display a range of reactions from being accepting (and even enthusiastic) regarding Shori's genetic possibilities to thinking Shori is not fully Ima and is a threat to their ancient bloodline. The range of reactions meant that race is examined from multiple angles in this book, and it made for some fairly frustrating (yet thematically significant) moments throughout the narrative.

TL;DR: Fledgling is a compelling novel that uses vampire lore and symbiosis as vehicles for exploring questions of power, consent, and race. Though the sexual dynamics may make a lot of readers uncomfortable and some of the infodumping might be tedious, this book moves quickly and places power in the hands of a young black woman, encouraging readers to think about responsibility and justice.

so i literally only came across this IF today but i'm in love with the concept and all the characters and have just been reading all the scenarios stalking your whole blog❤️❤️❤️ it's definitely possible that the answers to some of these are spoilers, but i have a couple questions if you don't mind me asking!!

-how come dawn knows english so well? is it just because kids can pick up languages faster than an adult, so M just doesn't grasp it as fast?

-are half/part-fae people common in this world? or is S kinda a rare case? is that why they can cast runes and stuff or can full humans also use magic? M can also cast runes but theyre a shifter so..

-what's the belief system(s) in this world? S says "hells" a lot, and B says "goddesses" and "gods", so i'm guessing there is at least a pantheon of divines?? and possibly multiple hells? unless that's just how they talk lol

-are M's worms just like..there? are so they have a reason for carrying around a bunch of worms? are they their friends? ik it's so they have a lil bit of the thicket w/ em but like.. worms?!?

-what's the deal with the "first world"?? B loves it apparently but it's never mentioned anywhere else in your blog

-there was an ask from months ago where mc went crazy and said the birds talk to them and S got strangely excited.. thoughts??

-what's the human to non-human ratio in the village?

-B is an amputee bc of a birth defect, or "so they believe".. uh rice?? care to elaborate???

Ooo IM SO GLAD YOU CAUGHT ON A FEW THINGSSS!! I am so excited to answer all of theses questions for you!! THANK YOU FOR ASKING THISSS💜💕

1. Dawn knows English well because she taught herself along with stalking/forcing a few merchants to teach her. Along with her being at a young age while learning the language she was able to pick things up easier and listen in on conversations outside the thicket and put certain sentences together!

2. Yes! Half/part faw and other hybrids are common in this world! While both S and M can use runes, which invoke magic, so could B if they wanted to. The way runes work here is like this; the runes need something to take in order to give. Like how with S, they have their fist painted. So, when they carve the runes into their fist, their blood is taken and gives the force of the punch more volume. It will be explained in more detail in the IF, don’t worry. ^^;

3. In this world everyone believes in some sort of god/goddesses. They are all represented in stones an example is how when an RO (B) swears they say, ‘by lapis lazuli!’ As a term to curse the name of the god, lapis lazuli. While saying ‘by the goddesses/gods’, would be used when startled and sort of summon the attention of the entities one would believe in. While the term ‘hells’ is made plural because in this world there are several hells for the seven sins.

4. Ms worms are just there. They are there for a reason....that will not be explained due to spoilers ;)

5. Yes! The first world. I only mentioned it once as I didn’t want to put to much light on it before I properly developed it. The first world is basically…our world. The way this world work is that there was a time where humans weren’t always here. But then suddenly, they were and they came in very large numbers. I won’t explain it that much as it won’t come up often in the story but there will be an explanation!

6. S being…well, S. They didn’t speak to a lot of people on there hunts for their bounty. What’s a constant thing in the trees they would hide in? Birds. S would often talk to birds or any other living creature in there surrounding area on hunts because they were lonely. This will come up in detail in their own separate route!

7. There are definitely a lot more humans than non-humans, especially in chapter one and future chapters. The non-humans are pushed out of the village while the humans live in the safer areas. Can’t explain in detail due to spoilers.

8. Alright…so, Bs leg…..yeah, that was just a writing error 😅 Bs leg was a birth defect. I first planned on having the monster in the woods take there leg, but decided it wouldn’t make any sense for their character. Many people believe that B lost their leg in the prologue, when it was already gone in the first place. It’s probably due to that error so I apologize!! The wound B got in the prologue was just a nasty scar on their back!

Stranger things Season 3 Character summaries (part 1)

Eleven: despite having superpowers, being such a badass and defeating ugly-ass monsters MULTIPLE TIMES, is discovering that because she is a women, she will be treated differently, almost as if she's "a different species"

Max: Is taking absolutely no crap from any boy or man and has taken Eleven under her wing. Doing the lord's work, this one. Also, now so much emotional baggage that she will require her own carousel for all the emotional baggage she has to cart around. But like all women and girls, she will handle it.

Mike: Has gone through an emotional rollercoaster that leads straight into an emotional washing machine on an extra vigorous spin cycle. I appreciate that the one thing this boy is sure of is that he loves Eleven, but he REALLY needed to give her a little more space to figure herself out.

Will: Innocent, pure cinnamon roll far too good for this world and FAR, FAR too good for Hawkins and all this crap. Is currently in full possession of a demo-dar which has proved to be quite useful. I wish he'd at least gotten to play one proper campaign of D&D. He deserves at least that much.

Lucas: Ingenious hero who saved everybody not once, but TWICE. But, boy oh boy, desperately needs to learn not to be giving out relationship advice if you've already broken up with your girlfriend 5 times buddy.

Dustin: Still Steve Harrington's #1 son. Has a girlfriend (no biggie), intercepts Russian communications with his own homebuilt device, you know, as you do. Still has a preference for profanity, specifically for the word "shit" in terms of crisis, naturally. And what else, oh yeah, HE SINGS. Honestly, this boy. As if he needed to get more adorable.

Erica: I cannot explain to you how much I love Erica's character. She is the embodiment of sass and she's smart. Like makes Dustin stop and think kind of smart. Excellent at maths and logic. Like she could probably do those stupid logic questions we've all had to do at some point in her sleep. Nobody wants to solve riddles and work this hard to figure out your fucking birthday Cheryl. Also, is who I want to be when I grow up. Erica. Not Cheryl. Cheryl can go bask in the knowledge of her birthday alone.

Nancy: Iconic. Did exactly what everybody told her not to do. Stumbled across something hella weird and continued to bravely march into creepy basements and hospital rooms. Doing most of this in pesky slingback shoes, mind you. A true hero.

Billy: Despite him being a douche for most of the second season and a possessed creepy Demogorgon slave for most of season three, we shall instead choose to remember that his last act was to sacrifice himself for the kids and move on.

Steve: I mean. This one. Just keeps getting better every damn season. Like it's hard to believe that there was ever a time I loathed him. The character growth that he went through with Robin - A+, the iconic I shall always protect the kids no matter what, even when I'm about to be tortured underground by Russian spies attitude - A+, the general disheveled bewilderment and yet general bad-assery - A+

Robin: I may just have to do a whole other post on Robin because I am in AWE. I wouldn't be able to do her justice in a few sentences. But oh man - I love her.

I may do a Part 2 if anyone is interested. Interact with this post in some way if you'd like a part 2.

chinese reading notes:

my reading skill is funny (to me) because like. if reading sort of focusing on individual words, like when i read knowing i’m going to look words up (so reading intensively), it feels like i don’t know as much as compared with

when i’m reading extensively, particularly when i play audio (so i can’t stop or pause), when i comprehend things JUST FINE that if i read slower with word lookup i’d be ‘stumbling’.

i think part of this odd contradiction with reading skill, is when i read extensively like i must when audio is playing, i just take the context+hanzi i know+unknown-hanzi-radicals and then make a guess of any unknowns which is usually perfectly close to the real meaning. i have to make the guess instantly so i just rely on what i recognize. Like when i heard “effervescent” or “macabre” something in an english audiobook, i STILL as an adult am not sure on the exact definition, but based on how i heard it in the audiobook or when reading i can guess what it means good enough. 

So like. When I’m reading chinese extensively, which listening alongside audio requires of me, i do the same process in my brain. i see the equivalent of “luminescent” and like with english i just guess based on what i’ve got instantly and move on. Which is a good skill frankly to be able to also do in chinese as in my other reading languages. But, when I slow myself down and MAKE myself look up words, i suddenly am no longer seeing sentences as a ‘whole’ and start using word lookup for lots of individual words i could have figured out from context. On the upside, this word lookup is likely helping increase my mental information of said words. On the downside, it slows me down a lot, and perhaps i should go back to my old rule of “only 5-10 word lookups per chapter” so i don’t pause so much unless its a word i actually could use direct full definition help for.

I’ve been reading dmbj 1, and of course intensively reading it with Readibu (like most things this month). And for the first 3 chapters i’d say that was useful, as dmbj has some genre-specific unknown words (miners lamp, shovels, tomb, bury, engraving, scroll, mummy etc) that were useful to know the Specific Definition for and then repeatedly look up and drill initially so I’d know them quickly. But now that I’m at chapter 11? I noticed that when I extensively read it with the audio playing, i got through the chapter faster and had no problem following the plot. Whereas I know when I extensively read chapter 10 i stopped a bunch to look up words, and now i know i was probably mostly looking up words i’m now familiar enough to grasp in context i was just leaning on word-lookup as a crutch. 

Will i keep leaning on the crutch? Not sure. Like srs flashcards, or Listening Reading Method (when doing both steps 2 and 3), i think repeatedly looking up unknown and ‘foggy’ words as i read does do the repetitive-definition exposure that tends to get words learned quickly. So while repeated-word-lookup of words i’d learn eventually anyway through context slows down reading speed, it does probably allow me to pick up these words Faster than picking the words up only through extensive reading. (On the flipside though, if you’re also doing a lot of reading, a decent amount of extensive reading really really HELPS ones ability to comprehend full sentences whether u know what’s in them or not, so some extensive reading is always good).

I am trying to do a balance right now of extensive to intensive, so that I’m at least Sometimes picking up words the same way i did in english reading. I’m currently extensively reading 梦幻小公主 1, which is perfect for this. It feels a LOT like reading in middle school in english felt for me - lots of words i know, and lots of new fantasy/description words i don’t know but can guess really easily. I also needed to add some fantasy reading anyway - eventually i need to grasp horror (i already have a good vocab for this), crime (decent vocab but i need more police/legal vocab), supernatural (i already have good vocab), fantasy/xianxia (i know basic terms but need more), wuxia (i know basic but need more), and business (need a lot more) genre vocabulary. I’m also extensively reading 镇魂 while listening to the audiobook (who knows how long i’ll stick to it/if i’ll finish ToT), which is a good ‘harder’ novel for me to do other extensive reading in. 

completely unrelated:

nothing like seeing japanese again to remind me how utterly grateful i am for how hanzi work. i learned during studying chinese that i’m actually quite an auditory learner. as in, i tend to remember sounds well and sounds help me remember things, audio learning materials seem to work well for me etc. So with hanzi, usually hanzi only have 1 pronunciation (or a couple in some particular cases which at least for the de/di have to do with grammar function), and that pronunciation usually is tied to a radical in the hanzi. Now that I’ve learned the basic hanzi and gotten farther, i realize how i learn a VAST majority of new hanzi is “oh those radicals! its pronounced X! now i’ll listen to the audio real quick, remember X=this word meaning, and the water radical hints its moisture cool got it!” I remember 搂， 握， 提，抬， 拉 this way - hand radical so it has to do with hand-related verb movements, the other half is the pinyin so i just remember oh lou=X meaning if i see it with a hand radical. Idk if i’m explaining well, but basically sound is a huge way i remember hanzi and their meaning. I see new hanzi and for me the radical/portion related to sound IS the sound ‘spelling’ to me. So its kind of like how i recognize english words but a bit different? like i see “lumi” in english and know that spelling means “light��. Well for hanzi i see the pronunciation portion and know okay i remember that spelling+hand radical = X word. So for me hanzi start looking like word-pieces, which are just as easy to start recognizing as they were in english.

Meanwhile, with japanese, the kanji are truly my weakest point to remember. Remembering the meanings is NOT hard, because so many meanings vaguely transfer from hanzi to kanji or are close enough i can relate the new japanese meaning to the kanji fairly easily. What is hard, is the pronunciation. So many kanji have several pronunciations, and i am used to relating a portion of pronunciation to the radical/portion of the character. with kanji i can’t do that, i might see the same ‘sound’ radical in 3 kanji but they aren’t pronounced the same! And of course i’ll see a SINGLE kanji, and on it’s own it will have a few pronunciations. i never realized my hurdle back when i started japanese years ago wasn’t actually kanji meaning remembering. My hurdle was actually “brain likes to associate ONE sound to one symbol” and kanji do not do that. 

In my brain hanzi are a bit like english in that a portion of it (the sound portion) just is ‘spelling/pronunciation’ in my mind, and then the other portion is a hint of wtf the sound means (which in a way is nicer than english which does not always hint wtf the word means within the word). Kanji don’t seem to have any inherent “this is the pronunciation obviously” component, and i think for me that confuses the hell out of me. Which is even further complicated by the fact kanji change pronunciation representation depending on both words, and conjugations attached at the end. 

Anyway, as a result of my brain getting hung up on kanji pronunciation: my japanese reading-only skills are evolving fairly well (thanks hanzi-near-cognate transfer ToT), and my listening-only skills improve fairly expectedly (yay). But the combination of being able to know the pronunciation of what i read? Is VERY limited to only words i know well through listening. Because i need to know the word SO well that i remember the pronunciation and just match it up to the “symbol kanji-conjugated hiragana” reading chunk. Hence my study has been heavily leaning toward listening to japanese for the past year. Because the stronger my listening foundation, the better my kanji pronunciation. But without the listening foundation in a word, the kanji words keep fucking confusing me - their meaning is easy enough to remember, but their pronunciation (and therefore the specific word they represent) is so hard for me to figure out.  

God, Send Me

One of the Bible's most favored sentences comes from Isaiah 6. Isaiah beholds the Lord seated on a throne in the Temple and is so moved by this experience that he is ready to do whatever the Lord needs. 

Isaiah 6:8–9 (ESV) And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.”

How does he get here? First, he's overwhelmed by the image of the Lord. And what an interesting image to consider. The God of Israel is not in a palace but in a temple. He's not standing but seated on a Throne. The Temple of Israel did not have seats. The reason is that the Priest's work was never done. He was on his feet working for as long as he was there. But this Lord will become our final and true High Priest. Isaiah is given an image he may not have fully understood. There will be a final sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And when it is complete, the great high priest and LORD will take his seat. It is finished. 

Isaiah 6:3 (ESV) And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!”

Isaiah also beheld worshipping angels. Their cry emphasized ONE attribute of God above all - HOLY. Not just HOLY... but HOLY HOLY HOLY. In other words, there is NO ONE LIKE this God...

And then the refrain, "The whole earth is full of His glory." These are words Isaiah needed more than ever. The wicked Ahaz is now on the throne in Judah. What kind of mess will he make of God's righteous leader Uzziah's work? The unthinkable lay ahead. But God is STILL in charge and the world is His stage to display His glory!

God's first statement may not be the statement in verse 8. Verse 4 records that God called and the building shook. 

Isaiah 6:4 (ESV) And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of Him who called, and the house was filled with smoke.

Isaiah learned at that moment... God's voice shakes our place. Even sacred places such as the sturdy Temple Solomon spent 7 years building. Moreover, God's voice shakes our confidence in our religious structures. As the Temple shook, Isaiah's self-confidence was demolished and he was broken open. 

Isaiah 6:5 (ESV) And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!”

Every time someone encountered God, this sort of thing happened. They lost all sense of self and self-assurance. They knew they were nowhere close to who God is. Yet those very same people - Moses, Gideon, John, Peter, and others also became the most confident people on the planet for their calling. Not because of self-confidence, but God-confidence. 

This sort of thinking betrays all the modern jargon about finding your confidence in life. We are told to believe in ourselves, trust in ourselves, and put our best foot forward. Those are worldly mantras. God's plan is simple, let His presence be the most overwhelming thing for you so that no other thing can overwhelm you from that moment on. 

Perhaps the best news for Isaiah was that God could provide instant atonement. 

Isaiah 6:6–7 (ESV) Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

Now we see the seated Lord who becomes our high priest making a way for Isaiah to stand justified and later change the world with the Word of God. His heart now bursts to do what God wants. 

Many of us need to learn this now: God sends you after He upends you with Himself. That's the only way to go "for HIM" because apart from Him you're on your own. 

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YE Countdown 2023: Lessons from Gen Alpha and Gen Z Goslings

Let's try giving "Lessons from Geese" an update it deserves, shall we?

One of the first things I vividly remember back in Leon Guinto days is the session in Marketing 101 staged by my second dad. Back then, I'd nonchalantly listen to his mentions about Katips, his alma mater. Honestly, I found it trivial because he's housed in Taft Likod or Taft Tabi-tabi. He's fond of using terms like Jesuits and angling it toward his dry humor about Benedictines.

However, his deep dive about "Lessons from Geese" caught my usually bored self. It was rather long and a bit too poetic and unapologetically philosophical for a class that's right after lunch time. Though I knew I wanted to ace this class since it's my major, this particular session turned my grade-focused existence to my yearning to be under his wing. I guess it's the pivotal moment when I wanted and needed him to mentor me. Check the full document here --JICYMI, this may give you more context about what I'm talking about. ;)

You see, I am fully aware that schools and any social spaces are not just about grades. Mother Dragon said that it's always important to get to know how any situation, any person, any conversation and all things in between should enable me to bring a lesson I can use as I go through life. She didn't mention anything about getting a 1UP based on status or title. All she wanted me to do is to go beyond the medium to masticate the message as I come up with a derivative that would allow me to learn from other's mistakes and milestones. She reminded me passionately about this a little too much, but, I knew that the wild child in me had to whacked in the head a little too much to let her message rise from the noise and the clutter.

This holiday, I spent a whole lot of time with my Gen Z 4th anak-anakan and her three Gen Alpha siblings. I wasn't expecting anything from this long holiday leave as I planned a very detailed Iloilo & beyond trip. This "coming home to ina's house" is easily the longest time I've stayed here. This time around though, this stay is the most intentional that's not too focused on averting a family matter that matters most. This time around, it's my homecoming to heal the wounded healer in me.

I actually paused as I plugged in the previous sentence. This statement made my insides swell with nostalgia that's like a really deep, dark chocolate with Level 5 matcha laced with vanilla.

I've shared that I love interacting with Gen Z and have been wondering how Gen Alpha would come in the picture. And then, poof. Here we are! I'd like to list down some lessons that aim to marry a classic and an upcoming school of thought, because we're weird that way, yes?

(I'm kind of excited because postmodernism is a staple in my book, however, I seem to have too little time to indulge in it. Perhaps, this is a good start as I fine-tune my slants, writing-wise.)

#1 Before the "V" formation comes the battle of the egos and the "lost in translation" phase.

I used to be so irritated when I see Gen Alpha get too physical and too graphic when they have sibling rivalry. While I know so well that sibling rivalry dates back to Cain and Abel, this generation is off the roof. They don't murder each other literally, however, they indulge in really cutting words tripled with bloody punches, bites and the like and are teeming with hate that makes my empath aura bleed so badly.

However, I've tried using lines like "You hate your sister? Did you know that love and hate are the same? Love and hate are both energies and you just choose one each time you talk to your sister."

Gen Alpha and Gen Z are already loaded with biases based on their algorithm, their digital and analog selves along with the influence of millennials, Gen X and boomers as the supporting characters in their avatar-filled his/herstory.

Their comments, questions and answers are too personal and at times, unforgiving. However, it's their way of asking for help about managing their one too many biases that they're yet to test out and figure out.

#2 Flying alone is a choice and shouldn't be antagonized. However, choosing to fly with a group is also a moral obligation.

Speaking of the avatar-filled digital and analog selves of Gen Alpha and Gen Z, I strongly feel and think that this generation's silent pandemic is the managing being alone, feeling alone and thinking alone.

I really can't imagine how the lockdown mutated their genes and impacted their spheres mentally, physically, emotionally and the list goes on and on and on.

Social awkwardness in these two generations is more pronounced; however, these generations ache for connections that are both digital and analog --no in between, no but's, no if's.

I've seen how my Virgo Baby Girl (VBG) cousin indulged in really, really bad tantrums that made my boomer dad unleash his boomer parenting without the belt slash or hanger flyer. LOL.

I've come across this random parent who shared that moody kids like hers are usually overstimulated, overwhelmed and yes, may well be overreacting. She also recommended giving hugs and words of affirmation a good try. Her comment section exploded and when I scanned, the netizens are both hating and loving her content piece.

And so, since I'm a fan of social experiments, I tested this hypothesis on my VBG in the light of trying to up my ante as a progressive millennial Tita. The reason is that VBG is too similar with my Virgo Baby Brother (VBB). LOL. It's me trying to see a quantum jump of some sort, too. Back then, I was too tough love on my VBB, and this time around, I'd like to be a bit better to him through my VBG interactions which are still calculated risks because I'm not always out of Manila. :p

Most importantly, hugs and words of affirmation combo is my waterloo. I'd want to try making it a waterWOO this 2024, because, late is better than never ever, right?

The first time I hugged and affirmed my VBG was when she's about to burst. As a recovering overthinker, I cling to my people watching skills to detect when's the best time to jump off the cliff. LOL. Akala mo naman napaka hirap, but, that's how I egg roll. CHOZ. It felt weird then wonderful. Kaya ko naman pala e. She didn't reject me vehemently, but she pushed back, obviously. There goes, my ugh vibe when it comes to being rejected. But, mature roles era na tayo, so, I hugged her again. This time around, she didn't bulldoze me. Instead she rested her head on my chest. Chest pa talaga, mhie. She just stayed there and I tried super tiny words of affirmation na gentle and no bashing. HAHAHAHAHA. Again, bloody baby steps po kasi nga, I'm not exactly in my element as an ember girl.

Milestone ko when she didn't clench her body and hugged me back. OPAK. Real quick naman din pala e. WOOT. WOOT. Tacca. Kaya naman pala e. You know what's even better? When she was dressing for our luwas to Manila yesterday, she asked me to tie her hair using the pink big bow I gifted her. She even told me that she'd use the water bottle I gave her even when she has one too many Aquaflasks na. HUHUHUHUHU. Ang babaw ko talagang tao. But wait, there's more, she showed her wrist to me and proudly said: "Ate, we have gold and silver bracelets. Look." LUH. Syempre, wala akong comment kasi caught off guard ako, so I just said OK. Did you know? OK is my word of affirmation, believe it or not. Ang lala ko 'di ba? I'm the type kasi who's always saying no and I don't care, literally and figuratively.

Happy to share that she had ZERO tantrums kahapon so we managed our super duper limited time in Manila very wisely. Hihihi.

#3 Rest is not for the weak, but rest if meant to strengthen your flying performance and stamina.

Gen Alpha and Gen Z have sleeping problems that may be worse than the previous generations. I think this is anchored on synchronous and asynchronous communication.

The gift and curse of being the multi-hyphenated generation is off the roof. Again, millennials are trying to live vicariously through these generations. I've seen Kumon top tier kiddos sleep and snore like adults hustling and working so deeply. I've seen the defeated cries of kids losing a super "wala lang" game in spite being Top 1 in class across all subjects. I've seen kids fear rivers because they don't look like pristine chlorine-filled pools. I've seen kids try posing as grown ups even when their drips don't fit their vibe and mood.

NKKLK. And so, when I interface with my Gen Z med student cousin, I try my best to be gentle and firm. Bashing and crashing and limited time love language namin, pero when she shared, "Ate, ang gusto ko lang naman in life, 'yung kalmado naman. Ayoko na nga sigawan na walang tigil. Bingi na nga ako e." It felt so graphic and true. Kaya, 'di man ako kalmado, eto na tayo sa ultra femme era natin. I don't know if I can wing it, pero OK. OK. Hahahaha.

Rest is something that ALL generations lack. Choosing not to rest seems like a mortal sin to this population. However, as a recovering burnout bitch running on adrenaline addiction x anhedonia mash up, rest is integrated in all my flows. Hindi siya madali. Hindi siya part ng sistema ko. Hindi siya nakakakalma, however, rewiring your totality is integral in all spaces and places you go to.

Huminga. Kumalma. Magpahinga. Then, saka ka balik-sabak na. GAH. I miss my home buddy tuloy sa work RN. HUHUHU. Alam mo 'yung sobrang simpleng feedback niya na kahit ang kalat ko talaga nitong Q4 2023, he tells me na 'yung tip ko na huminga siya in between his lines sa reporting, gamit na gamit niya. Not always pero a good number of times. This Gen Z is teaching me na it's OK to be gentle and firm. HUHUHUHU. OK. OK. Shemay, kamusta na ba sila? But, wait, kalma. Magpahinga. Huminga.

#4 Encouragement is both a blessing to the healing ones; and may be a loud senseless honk or curse for those who are yet to see and feel that they're badly wounded.

Another lesson I'd like to overhaul about the geese is the HONKING to keep the "V" formation pop and fly high. LOL. Eto na po tayo sa highly polarizing bit ng piece na 'to na napaka haba. Gawin ko na ba 'tong thesis proposal? Hahahahahaha. Gusto comm-focused e. CHOZ.

There's encouragement that's called for and uncalled for. Gen Z and Gen Alpha don't like to be scolded and honked at. LOL. That's the other thing that seems crass about these new generations; however, honking is kinda outdated when I revisited these geese lessons.

How so? Honking may be intrusive and kinda condescending. A honk is usually loud and triggering. A honk is typically making you jump, like that of a bike or car honk, right? So, what?

Instead of honking, I picked encouragement as a better alternative so it's more empathic and inclusive. Encouragement is something that should be used and not misused or abused. Gen Z and Gen Alpha already are in deep pain points that have not existed since The Land Before Time Era. (OA ko na naman, pero I want that graphic reference right here and right now e.)

I am trying to be more encouraging and taming my wild horse while at it. Gen Z and Gen Alpha are generally not afraid to ask for help, however, the manner they ask for help is something that I'm learning as it is not the same as the older generation. They usually lambing to say they are in trouble. They usually go offline when there's something bothersome. They usually mask their depression with fancy and fluffy stuff. It's kind of the same with millennials, but not quite.

#5 A damaged geese either dies or lives. It's all about how the perspective of the geese who help the wounded PLUS how the damaged geese perceives it.

Lastly, the circle of geese and the depth and stamina of that circle defines the life and death of any damaged goose. I view asking for help as a demerit. Ang lala natin talaga. But, what I'm painstakingly learning is that asking for help is a choice. People who help are also making choices. It's not about wala na lang silang maggawa kasi kawawa ako. LOL. Milestone achieved. Akala mo again kung anong napaka profound learning, ano po? I won't say sorry kasi akala ko talaga tama 'yun e noon e.

The quality of your circle of control is also impacted by the quality of the people you cling to as you try your best to control your circle of control. Read that again and again. When you're in a chaotic space and state, it really is a plus to have people who believe in you no matter what. 'Yung tipong won't baby you pero medyo delulu levels ng tiwala sa'yo kasi kaya mo naman talaga... sabaw or traumatized ka lang talaga. Or puwede rin namang wala sa mood. LOL.

Help is a two-way thing and multi-faceted as well. Hindi siya one-sided lang featuring nangaabala 'yung kabila so walang choice 'yung naabala. I guess, this is my first time to ask for help na taos-puso tulo ang uhog at dugo era ko. HAHAHAHA. As a recovering wone wolf, this is always a coliseum for the mere mortal me. However, OK OK OK na, I am giving this a really good try and nag-start na ako.

Gah. I started this at around 430 AM and I just finished. Daming hugot-lagot niyan? LOL. Maybe, I just love the sound of my suking electric fan on a balmy Thursday morning with the pitter-patter of soft rain coupled with soft glowing ambient lights na walang maingay. Add queen sized bed and the chirping birds, too. Ah, provincial life. Sa Year 41 na tayo mag-tuos sa araw-araw. Piliin ko muna 'yung good fight sa araw-araw din, because, the best things take time and sanay naman ako maghintay kahit impatient ako.

<3

Why i love RACING GAMES!!!

Just to preface this post. This is just my opinion on this topic, and i by no mean want to insult any other communities or any other Genre of Games. In fact, I wanna say i love all types of games, just in different amounts :p Either Way, Lets Jump into it.

When i was a small boy, my father, got me a Playstation 1. I am not gonna lie, i don't remember much of my time using the PS1, but i do remember me falling in love with one game. That game is DRIVER. Out of all the games i had on the PS1, that was the one game i fondly remember the most. Skip a few years and i got my hands on the PS2, during this era i had a better memory for the games i played. From Crash Bandicoot to Lord Of The Rings, but out of all the games, my most fond memory of the various games titles i played, i played Need For Speed Underground 2 the most. It was such an amazing game during that time. The graphics, The Gameplay, the Cars, The Story(Tho Cringe), and Just the overall Mood for the game whenever i played it. It would be late in the night and i am suppose to be asleep, but there i was behind the closed door, on my bed, just driving through the night with my Matrix like Ford Mustang, banging my head to Riders on the Storm. It was a surreal moment for me.

NOW, jumping a few years again, I got my hands on the PS3, and my passion for racing games had kinda died down. Haven't really played any games that really got my rocker's going, But, and i tell you this, BUT, in came a game my friend let me borrow for a few days, it was a game series i never heard of and it was called.......DUN DUN DUNNNNNN..."Gran Turismo 5". Now granted, i had only been playing a lot of arcade racing games and it did scratch my itch for racing at the time but not by a lot. Due to this, i really never ventured into the realm of Sim-Racing (Tho technically GT4 was a Sim-Arcade, but lets say its Sim-Racing). And so, i popped in the game, saw the intro video, was impressed and once i got into the game, MY GOD, i hated it. I hated it a lot. I kept on crashing and i can't never get the cars i want to drive, i was really frustrated at the game, but under my frustration, something was being built up. Like, it's scratching my itch for the racing game that had never ever been really satisfied. After trying a few more time and learning the proper way to play the Game, i did my first proper timed lap. I am not gonna lie, the moment i did this, i felt the happiest boy in the world, like i was so excited that i got grounded for making too much noise (oops). And then, the rest was history. It was because of NSFU2 and GT4 that solidified my love for the Racing Genre and became a follower of the Sim-Racing scene and just the racing games in general. I played almost all the games that came out on those Title and many more after that.

Now the question will arise, WHY? WHY DO YOU LOVE THIS COMPLICATED MESS? well, i will tell you why, i just love going fast. The challenge of trying to get a better car than your opponent, or even trying to get a better time on the same condition that your opponent has driver on, it just sets my heart ablaze. Knowing that each small mistakes i make can affect my overall time, how i tackle each corner, knowing the one change in my setting can affect my whole car, and so on and so forth. Everything just set my heart ablaze (Not literally tho, but you get the idea). Just, these games from this genre can be simplified with one sentence. Its Just you and the machine, that needs to dominate the track

Either way, this is just the emotional side of things, lets get a bit more technical and speed our way to the end.

As i stated before, i just love racing game, but not for the go fast moments. But, in the love and trust you put on your Car as you take it down each course, or street. You are making a statement that this is My mark on this road. I started out racing in the Arcade, went to Sim-Arcade and then into Full-Sim. And even when i transition to this genre, i never lost my love for racing game since then. Through the bad ones and the good ones, i loved them all. I earnestly sat down like a kid and just played like i wan 13years old again. I am getting emotional again, i am sorry.

ANYWAY, i just wanted to say this for the world to hear. I know i didnt really explain in technical or scientific way on why i love this game genre. But, i just do and I will be here, continuing to love them, and continue to play these games, till the day i die.

Signing Out,

Napster1445

A pleasant-sounding voice is an essential need for a good voice-over. You may be feeling limited here if you do not have the kind of voice required to record audios, or the language could be a barrier. Outsourcing to a professional certainly gives good results, but it is expensive. Turning to an online speech-to-text generator is a highly affordable and time-saving option. However, selecting the right converter is challenging, given the HUGE number of products seemingly offering the same thing! Here we take a detailed look at Speechelo, a highly-rated automated voice-over generator available via the ClickBank Marketplace. The Product Speechelo is an online Text to Speech converter software that converts the text you enter into a human-sounding voice-over. You can select from male and female voices as well as adult and child voices. The software is pretty straight-forward and easy to use. All you need to do is enter your text in the space provided, select the voice and language you would like, and hit 'generate'. The text will be automatically converted to speech and is available to download immediately. You can check the audio and make changes if necessary. You can download the audio file in an MP3 format. There are also options to add empathy to the voice. For example, you can select a joyful tone, a serious tone, or a neutral one. You can also choose to add breathing sounds to make it sound exactly like a professional human voice-over. There is a bit of a learning curve when you start using the software, I realized. For example, you would need to pay close attention to punctuation and spaces. For example, not entering a space after a full stop will end up with the voice-over speaking the word 'dot' instead of giving an end-of-sentence pause. After a few quick attempts, I quickly got the hang of how it interprets text (it's pretty easy). My suggestion is to include several punctuations like commas, so the text is well rendered with pauses instead of a hurried – sounding speech. Another handy tip for you is to enter numbers in words and not digits for better results. For example, write 'one hundred' instead of '100'. Basic Version: There are 30 voices available in a total of 24 international languages, including English. You have a 700-word limit here, which I found to be a little constraining. 700 words are just about a page and a half worth of content when you think about it. Pro Version: With the upsell Pro version, you get access to another 30 voices, so you have a total of 60 voice options to choose from. Here the word limit also increases to 5000 words in 30 days. The Positive Highlights Speechelo has a lot going for in its favor and here are some of its features that make the product stand out: Speechelo has a simple and clean interface, which makes it very user-friendly. The whole creation of text to voice-over file is a quick 3-step process, and it can all be completed in under 5 minutes. There is a huge variety to choose from. You have 30 different voice options in the basic and 60 options in the pro version. It is more than most other converters I’ve seen so far. You can choose to add enunciations and modulations in the voice over. It is the only software that offers this particular feature. There are 24 different languages available, and that makes Speechelo a truly global product. It also makes Speechelo a terrific tool to generate money via Youtube videos using Speechelo Tube (this is another optional upgrade). The languages available are: English, Arabic, Mandarin, Danish, Dutch, English, French, German, Icelandic, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Spanish, Swedish, Turkish, and Welsh. You can choose to add longer pauses, breathing sounds etc., by yourself, or you can let the software do it for you. I tried both options and honestly, the software does an outstanding job of it! Speechelo is compatible

with all video creation software, be it Camtasia, iMovie, Adobe Premier, Audacity, and the like. The converter is cloud-based which means its all online. You do not need to download and install any software on your machine. This is not the case with many of its competitors. The only download that you will need to do will be of the final voice-over audio file. The price is a one-time fee that’s affordable and is protected by a money-back guarantee. The Negative Side Here are some things to consider before buying Speechelo (basically what I found to be the weaknesses): There is no mention of any word limits on the sales page. You only get to know about it once you start using the product. I find this feature quite restrictive. It also slows down my usage of the software since the limits are replenished every 30 days. The software does not allow you to upload any files. So, if you have your text in a Word file or a PDF, you will need to paste it into Speechelo’s online text editor to work with it. Having an option to upload text files would’ve been a welcome time-saving feature for me. Final Verdict I found Speechelo to be an excellent text to voice converter software. In fact, I’ll go on to say that it is the best one I’ve seen so far. The voice-over does not sound robotic and if I didn’t know better, I would say the audio is actually done by a human. If there was another product as good as Speechelo but with unlimited usage and no upsells, I would be thrilled! So for now, I’ll say that the basic version is a good investment if you need to work on training or educational videos. You would need to upgrade to the Pro version if you are plan to use it for commercial purposes.

@thewritingsofdreamers on ig

How to write a Persuasive Essay. Part 1.

What is a persuasive essay? A persuasive essay is a way to state and explain why your point is correct. However, you can’t just go about stating your point and expect someone to instantly be on your side. So, that is why an essay will sometimes be necessary.

The Thesis. No essay can be begun without a thesis, so first, you will need a point to argue. I will choose a topic to use as an example throughout this post. Dogs are better then cats. Perfect! There is your thesis statement, the sentence that will dictate the entire script to your show.

The Proofs. Next you will need to provide at least three (3) points, or proofs, to back up your thesis. 1. Dogs are man’s best friend. 2. Dogs can learn tricks. 3. Dogs can help people. These proofs are meant to back up your main reason but if this was all you added your essay would be less then a paragraph so don’t worry, there’s more to add.

The Sub-Proofs. A sub-proof is the next thing that you must work on. These are meant to give more reasoning to your Proofs and and further explain why you are correct. Examples of sub-proofs for Proof 3 would be. a. Dogs have helped in wars. b. Dogs can be trained as service dogs. Usually, you would want about 3 backing sub-proofs for a main proof but if 2 can work just as easily and still flow that is fine.

Refutation. If you want to prove your point, you must also disprove your opponents point. Your would first state your opponents point. Cats are better then Dogs and then find at least two main proofs and one or two sub-proofs for them.

The end of each paragraph should have a summary of why that proof was wrong. Once finished with the whole refutation you should once again summarize why your point was correct in the final paragraph.

Let me give you an example of what a refutation should look like.

However, other people think that cats are better than dogs because cats need less care. Because cats are often loners their owners will not have to worry or always look after them. However although this may prove that cats are more independent, dog lovers buy dogs for the company not to be alone.

People also say that cats are better because they are cleaner because they can wash them selves and don’t have to be taken for walks. But, who wants to have to clean up litter boxes and hair balls? A dog is certainly the better choice.

Therefore, dogs are better then cats because they provide companionship for those who want it and they can be much cleaner then cats.

Although this is a rough example of a refutation, this should give you a small idea of what it should look like.

The Conclusion. Lastly, you want to add a conclusion. In it, you will include both your thesis and your main proofs, along with a couple of other added on summarizing sentences. Keep in mind this is a rough example, a full essay would be more elaborate. It would go like this.

Therefore, dogs will always be better then cats. Dogs have been a man’s companion for hundreds of years they should not be suddenly pushed to the side just because someone decided that a cat would be better. Dogs can also learn amazing new tricks that a cat would never be bothered to even try. There have also been times where dogs have saved peoples lives in war, and at home, so we should not just abandon them now. Dogs will always matter to us because they have and continue to do so much for us.

Here is an outline of what your essay should look like.

Paragraph 1:

1. Thesis

For these three reasons… Proof 1, Proof 2, Proof 3

Paragraph 2:

Proof 1.

Sub-proofs a. b. and c.

Paragraph 3:

Proof 2.

Sub-proofs a. b. and c.

Paragraph 4:

Proof 3

Sub-proofs a. b. and c.

Paragraph 5:

Refutation with proof 1, sub-proofs, and reason for why it’s wrong.

Paragraph 6:

Refutation with proof 2, sub-proofs, and reason for why it’s wrong. You can also summarize the refutation in this paragraph or leave it for the next one. Up to you.

Paragraph 7:

Conclusion with thesis, and main proofs as well as a good ending sentence.

The End. Congrats! You now know the absolute fundamental basics on how to write a persuasive essay. As soon as possible I will be posting separate posts focusing on each part needed in a persuasive essay. If you have any specific requests I think that there is a way to DM someone on tumblr or maybe post a q and tag me, you can also reply to me on this post with a question. My ig is thewritingsofdreamers on insta and I’m always open to chat:)

老Yang教员组今天为大家整理一篇优秀的paper代写范文

Life is short and time is fleeting, at the minute we born, we have already been set to walk on the way to death and this process happens just in the blink of an eye. Life is also challenging, every day we need to struggle to survive. So, why do we still enjoy our lives? “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get” (FORREST GUMP 1994). This famous sentence from the movie Forrest Gump tells the truth of our life. Life is unpredictable, no one knows what is going to happen in the next minute. In other words, life is full of possibilities, as long as you can overcome your fear and be willing to explore, you will have a brand new recognition and find a brand new world. Therefore, we need to value our life and most important, be brave in our life.

Time is limited, we need to be brave in our life. The only thing we can say for sure that it will grow all the time is our age. If we don’t seize time, time will abandon us.  An article attached with a serious of photos called “Stop therapy and accompany me to travel around the world -- the most positive choice made by a 90 year-old granny who is diagnosed with Cancer” arouses a heat discussion on both the internet and the wechat. Some people praise the courage of the old granny and say we should take the obstacles in life for granted and face them bravely. However, most of the young generations give comments like “Why should we wait until such a situation to take action to fulfill our dream and do what we really would like to do?” “Life is short and we should live for ourselves.” “I will not wait until that old to travel around the world.” From all those comments, we can see although the optimism of the granny is well worth learning, it also pathetic that she waits in her whole life to fulfill this dream until the moment that she was diagnosed with cancer. Time takes away our youth with no mercy. If there’s a goal you want to achieve or a dream you want to realize, just be brave, seize the time and take action right now.

Chances are unique, we need to be brave in our life. The lyrics in the song Lose Yourself in the movie 8 MILES impressed me a lot. One of the lyrics went “Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?”(8 MILES 2002). Life is not replicable and chances in our life are unique. Once you miss them, you miss them forever. Let’s take the hottest topic, house buying, as an example, As everyone knows, due to the rigid demand of the people in big cities of China, the price of buying a house is soaring. Compared with the price ten years ago at around CNY 5000 per square-meter, the price now reaches over 20000 or even 30000 in some area in Guangzhou, which is 4 to 5 times of the price then. Ten years ago, people hesitated to buy a house, for it would become a large burden to the family and could not see the value in it. But now, people scramble to place an order, even though they need to apply for a mortgage and live in debt. Someone will say,” How gorgeous it would be if I had made up my mind to buy a house ten years ago!” However, chances will not come again. There’s another example, in recent years, New Zealand and Australia offer the Working Holiday Visa for Chinese citizens between age 18 to 30. Many teenagers could take this opportunity to experience a one year’s foreign life. Whereas, many friends around me desire to get this chance but do not dare to take the step. They have got so many worries, like “do I really quit my current job and spent a whole year on an unpredictable journey?” “What can I get from this year’s experience and what should I do when I am back?” “Do I need to start over again?” and so on. As time passes by, they fall in love, get married and give birth to a baby, then, they suddenly think about the journey they dreamed before. But now, decisions are no easy to make, since they are either tied up with a family or over 30. They can do nothing right now, but regret for their hesitation. Therefore, be brave to make a choice. If we see a chance coming to us, just capture it to seize everything we ever wanted and do not let it slip.

Life is full of challenges, we need to be brave in our life. Life is like a boat at sea and we all know it will never be a flat journey. When difficulties stand in our way, it’s bravery that gives us courage and power to fight it back and beat it. There’s a person called Nick Vujicic, who is my idol of being brave in life. He was born with absence of four limbs, but a small foot with 2 toes. When he went to school, he was mocked and bullied. He tried to commit suicide, but failed. At the age of nineteen, he started to sell his speech to different schools. After 52 times rejection, he finally got a chance to hold a speech with 50 dollars salary. And from then on, he started his career as a speaker. In 2010, his self-biography Life Without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life was republished, which spread his story and influences thousands of people. As what he wrote in his self-biography,” No matter what our challenges might be, never think there’s something we can’t achieve, or there’s a limitation and impossibility ”(Life Without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life 2012). Being brave is a spirit, a belief and energy inside our body. Don’t be afraid of any challenge in your life. Don’t set a ceiling for yourself. Life is full of possibilities. Be brave and be the master of your fate.

All in all, a large part of our achievements come from our bravery. Being brave is the core motivity in our unpredictable life for which can help us to make good use of the limited time to grasp every opportunity and face challenges with courage and power. Although sometimes bravery brings risk, we still need to step forward. We should use our wisdom to control the risk, but not fearing it. And only in this way, shall we feel no regrets in our life.

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Run You Clever Boy, and Remember

You know why this happens.

Your energy likes to be in charge, your soul doesn't.

The will is there, but not under love.

You don't like the reality,

nay,

you don't think the reality is 3D,

that the reality is real,

that the people you talk to actually think about you from time to time?

Your mom is real and so is that friend of yours you can't seem to shake,

they have lives just like you?

When I don't like the reality I'm in, I push myself into the pit of the uncertain; that balanceless, yet constantly weighed scale on which justice depends / administration requires responsibility (never accountability).

Uncertain is scary. My life has been one uncertain mess. I have never been sure of myself one iota. I'm sure I've made a mistake in the previous sentence... oh and this one. Needs an exclamation mark, doesn't it?

(Translating for sick people and refugees at their most vulnerable moments isn't a 10 dollar an hour job.

Their stories haunt me. I hate the world more.

Everyone is so lovely in their own ways.

Everything is P fucking C.

Yet nobody is happy other than those in the first three shifts of Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Today, one of the unknown people I'm paid to know rather intimately said: "Something happens. I say, "Well, it can't get any worse!", and then IT FUCKING DOES!"

Her older daughter was born premature and is hard of hearing,

Her husband was diagnosed with cancer.

Her younger daughter turned out to have diabetes.

Her sister-in-law had a car crash on the way back from the hospital.

Desperation. --- Hope is what they want you to believe will follow; it won't.

This pit is how we've made it and what we've made is horrible.)

So yeah, when I stop liking my reality, I retrieve this fucking .exe that fires up my god complex

, which is never easy to shake due to me being an absolute fucking god,

and leaves me believing my own prophesies

, which is never easy to shake due to my prophesies fucking coming through, (yes, through - all truths are half truths),

and the future is pretty bleak. Not CIA-fueled mass paranoia-driven comment-writing tiktok-loving pimple-popping bleak.

Like it is bleak.

(Have I peaked or is it the world that's been failing me hard?)

Having control means having responsibility. It means I develop a habit of forcefully waking myself up at around 7 every morning just to reach for my phone, and sighing a sigh of relief once number 7 has been spotted on the glowing screen -

and I can enter my favourite part of the sleep cycle - anxious neck pressing, cheek lining gnawing, finger bulldozing, and oh wanting to fucking die.

The shame of a single step I took wrong in a letter,-

which I forced myself to write, because if I hadn't written, somebody would've surely be mad and me

and I WOULD

die?

"The sad truth is I'm ready to die because I'm pretty sure it will happen soon."

"I practically see what this world is and it's a scary place to be and I'll enjoy being dead better than being alive."

"I'm pretty bored here."

I've never been sure of my thinking and I've got no intentions to start caring now.

So, I think my body is trying to destroy itself.

Why oh why can't I talk about things that make sense to other people?

It may be the ADHD, but I'm pretty sure my brain forgets the hard truths I'd learned the hard way 5 years ago just for me to rediscover America and reciprocate that wink I'd given to my present self all those years ago.

(Ooooh or that wink HE'd given ALL OF US to remind us how loved we were - as loved as HIS favourite velvet to caress.)

Share a cheeky smile - knowing full well this whole thing may not be real and it's exhilarating.

The Iron King. By Julie Kagawa. Inkyard Press, 2010 (revised edition 2020).

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: YA fantasy

Part of a Series? Yes, The Iron Fey #1

Summary: Something has always felt slightly off in Meghan's life, ever since her father disappeared before her eyes when she was six. She has never quite fit in at school or at home.

When a dark stranger begins watching her from afar, and her prankster best friend becomes strangely protective of her, Meghan senses that everything she's known is about to change.

But she could never have guessed the truth - that she is the daughter of a mythical faery king and is a pawn in a deadly war. Now Meghan will learn just how far she'll go to save someone she cares about, to stop a mysterious evil, no faery creature dare face; and to find love with a young prince who might rather see her dead than let her touch his icy heart.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: violence, blood, gore, attempted sexual assault, revenge porn, misogynistic language

Overview: I agreed to read this book as part of a book swap with my neighbor. I just moved in to a new house, and my neighbors are big readers, so we hit it off right away. Their teen son is really into mythology and fantasy, so I gave him one of my books and he gave me this one.

There were some things I appreciated in this book, such as Kagawa's creativity regarding the origin of "iron fey" and the use of fairy lore to make the world seem dangerous (rather than the fey just being like humans but hotter and emotionally abusive). However, I didn't give this book more stars because of three things: the writing style (which I personally thought was lacking in emotional depth), the plot (which felt like a random series of adventures rather than a narrative), and the protagonist (who didn't exert enough agency).

Writing: Kagawa's prose is appropriate for the audience. Sentences are straight forward and simple, so there's no chance for confusion and everything is communicated directly. There are some evocative descriptions here and there, which means that the writing doesn't feel blunt. But it doesn't feel lyrical or whimsical, either, so it might appeal to readers who like fairly direct prose.

Perhaps the biggest frustration I had with the writing was the lack of emotional depth. Kagawa had the tendency to describe emotions as very surface-level, with our protagonist (Meghan) simply telling us when she was angry or scared or overwhelmed. As a result, I didn't quite feel like there was a lot of emotional weight in this book, and it's a shame because Meghan is supposed to be emotionally driven to rescue her brother while also reacting to a number of different experiences that challenge her whole sense of self.

Kagawa also has a little bit of a tendency to tell rather than show, as if she doesn't trust her reader to understand what just happened in a scene. There were numerous instances in which something would happen, and instead of letting the reader infer its significance, Meghan would just tell us in her head. It was a little frustrating because I didn't quite feel like I was being brought along for the journey - I was being told about it instead. But to give Kagawa the benefit of the doubt, maybe she did this because her audience is supposed to be younger and she thought they might need a little help.

Plot: The plot of this book follows 16 year old Meghan Chase, who takes a trip to the land of faerie after her 4 year old half brother is kidnapped by some unknown entity. She is accompanied by her best friend, "Robbie Goodfell," who unbeknownst to her has been protecting her for her whole life. You see, Meghan is special - she is not the drab teenager she appears to be, but the half-human daughter of Oberon, King of the Seelie Fey. Along the way, she teams up with Grimalkin (the talking faerie cat) and Ash (prince of the Unseelie Court).

What I immediately found frustrating about this plot was that Kagawa didn't really create a narrative as much as she created a bunch of different scenes. Events didn't quite seem to build on one another or create suspense; instead, I felt like every chapter or scene was centered on some new creature or bit of lore, and I was hopping between one encounter and another, just so Kagawa could show off her creativity. Not all of these adventures were bad - there were a lot of fun moments, and I really enjoyed the scenery in the iron kingdom. But a lot of the plot felt random, as if i was reading a fey road trip.

Another thing that frustrated me was the implication that science and technology were the antithesis (and ultimately, the killers) of imagination. A huge part of the plot revolves around the idea that a new species of fey (the iron fey) are killing off fairyland as humans put more of their faith in science. According the lore of this book, fey are created by human imagination, so the iron fey were created when humans began to imagine future technologies - technologies like airships, robots, and all kinds of fantastical devices made of metal. This, in itself, was a fantastic piece of lore, and I really enjoyed Kagawa's creativity here. I loved the idea of industrial-like iron horses and metal spiders being products of human creativity just as traditional fey are. Where it got frustrating, however, was when the iron fey and the belief in science were pitted against nature and imagination, as if science cannot involve a fascination and love of nature and technology requires no creativity. Maybe things will change as the series progresses, but for now, I'm a bit uneasy regarding the implications of this book.

Lastly, I don't think the end paid off as well as it could have. The end features a few scenes in which Meghan seriously considers an offer from the iron king and also extends sympathy to one of her former bullies. While not a problem on their own, I felt as if Kagawa was trying to shoehorn a message or some character growth in there, perhaps something about Meghan craving acceptance or discovering what she truly needs (not material things but people?). In my opinion, these last minute messages didn't feel earned because the whole middle part of the book didn't have anything to do with those themes. They never really came up as Meghan was traveling through faerie, and Meghan's need to be accepted wasn't really a core part of her character.

Characters: Meghan, our protagonist and first-person narrator, was a little hard to connect with. Despite being in her head, I felt as if I was being kept at arm's length from her emotions, and part of that might have to do with the fact that her emotions and experiences don't seem to carry through the book. For example, there's a scene in the beginning where Meghan is tutoring a guy she's had a crush on for ages. There is some fey mischief, causing the guy to think Meghan was trying to embarrass him (side note: the mischief implies that the guy is gay, which I don't feel super great about). To get revenge, the guy photoshops Meghan's head onto a nude body and shares it with the whole school, humiliating her. While Meghan is mortified, this event seems to have no lasting emotional impact. Meghan isn't mistrustful of people, she isn't sensitive to being exploited by the fey, she doesn't seem to have a problem with falling for another hot guy. It just becomes an opportunity for her friend Robbie to take care of her and give her a convenient reason to hesitate when faced with an offer from the iron fey towards the end. On top of that, Meghan seems to have very little agency or (if I'm honest) intelligence, mostly reacting to things instead of using her skills (which she seems to have none other than her latent faerie abilities, which don't make an appearance until later) to get herself out of situations. I don't begrudge the fact that Meghan is out of her depth when navigating the fey world, but I also wish she had been given some skills that would have allowed her to make better decisions. As it stands, Meghan spends a lot of time getting kidnapped (and then rescued), making ill-advised deals with fairy strangers, and being surprised when magic happens. I wanted her to be more agentive and forward-thinking; the closest she comes is when she tricks a couple of fey creatures using her words, which was great, but I would have liked to see her be way more wily or demonstrate an uncanny wit throughout the whole book.

Robbie, Meghan's best friend, was a bit more likeable in that he was mischievous but also genuinely cared for his charge. I liked that he was lighthearted and self-congratulatory without being too self-absorbed, and this mood was beneficial for making his feelings of anger and betrayal all the more poignant.

Ash, the prince of the Unseelie Court, was relatively uninteresting, and he seemed to fill the role of bad boy love interest. Despite wanting to imprison or kill her and her best friend, Meghan is attracted to him, and for the life of me, I couldn't determine why except for the fact that he was sexy and has trauma because of a dead woman in his past. I realize that Ash may evolve as the series progresses, but in this book, there is very little that makes him desirable.

Grimalkin, the talking fey cat, was pretty fun, and I liked the detached attitude he showed to the others throughout the book. There's not much complexity to him, however - he's meant to be a guide and occasional comedic relief, and he fills that role well.

Other characters are fine in that they serve their purpose. I don't really have much to say about any one of them because they seem to just pop in when convenient and then pop out as Meghan moves to the next adventure. What I will say, however, is that Meghan doesn't seem to get along with many female characters. Other than the dryad, who is old, and a female satyr who acts as a guide/servant for maybe 20 pages, most female characters seem to harbor a dislike for Meghan, be it Titania (who wants to kill Meghan for daring to be her husband's bastard), Shard (a random Unseelie), Mab (queen of the Unseelie), Narissa (or whoever - another random Unseelie), Sarah (an orc who calls Meghan names and forces her to do brutal work in the kitchen), or the Oracle (who takes one of Meghan's memories). It's not so bad that I would call this book malicious, but because Meghan had 3 male companions and random women seemed to want to kill her, I think it's worth pointing out.

The big bad of this book - the iron king - was interesting in terms of aesthetic design but not really in terms of character. I really enjoyed the vibes I got from the iron kingdom, and I think the journey through the land was the part where Kagawa did the most to make the setting feel atmospheric. I also really liked the iron king's cloak and the contrast between his actual appearance and our expectations. However, his motivations and actions aren't exactly original, and I was hoping for a bit more complexity.

TL;DR: The Iron King has some fun things going for it, but I was ultimately frustrated by the writing, plot, and protagonist. Part of my frustration might be due to the fact that I’m not the target audience for this book, so I encourage readers (especially those who like faeries but hate the current trend of “bad boy with emotional problems”) to give this a try for themselves.