#this was the best possible surprise
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megan thee stallion wearing a bruno bucciarati inspired dress the the crunchyroll anime awards
#I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING WHEN SHE WALKED OUT#I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES#this was the best possible surprise#bruno bucciarati#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo no kimyou na bouken#golden wind#bruno buccellati#megan thee stallion#crunchyroll awards 2024
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so ive been playing p5 royal...
#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#p5 fanart#ann takamaki#ryuji sakamoto#they are best friends your honor#Best friends#currently on the 5th palace and i love them so much I can't possibly ever pick a favori-#my favorite is ryuji.#big surprise there#blame the lack of art on this game please and thanks#digital art#illustration
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I really need to draw her more, she has a great design 🥲💗
#persona#persona 3#p3#yukari takeba#persona 3 fanart#persona fanart#persona 3 reload#p3re#p3 reload#the new sees outfits were one of the best thigs they decided to add bc i LOVE THEM#to me it makes them all look more coordinated and matching#it fits themore serious vibe that sees have if they all have these more army like outfits#i love their jackets the most and their gold details with the zippers and buttons#colour theory on this was hard 🥲 i was debating if i should render this or keep it flat#i think i like how it ended up tho#so im planning to redraw the art i did for halloween last year as well as getting the prompt sheet for ryomina week done as soon as possible#so loon out on the ship week account in the next few days and thank you to everyone who voted in the interest poll😭#the amount of ppl who voted and planned to participate surprised me but im so glad ppl are excited for this#ok GN! love yall!#minnidraws
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we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy
after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)
so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"
akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."
atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.
somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.
his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)
they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.
it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.
so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."
that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'
after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)
so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'
the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.
the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.
atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).
what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.
"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.
atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)
akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???
he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.
that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.
it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.
#i'm insane. i wrote this at 4am and it should not have gotten this long. i just wanted to note down the idea not write it out#fml#they're both very much idiots btw. they care but cannot come to the conclusion it could possibly be in a romantic way#only enemies bc 'grrr ure evil' and 'grr dazai likes u better'#they do eventually get over it and start dating dw trust me i can see the future😌👍#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd headcanon#headcanon#nakajima atsushi#akutagawa ryunosuke#shin soukoku#sskk#akutagawa x atsushi#i desperately need to see more chronic illness!akutagawa content bc it's such a good angst source#and best part abt it? IT'S CANON. CANON CHARACTER WITH CANON CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND TERMINAL LUNG DISEASE#like cmon it's. right. there. we just gotta grab it and the magic will happen#just watched the new ep.#ngl kinda disappointed to see how akutagwa's confession abt his disease was portrayed as an off-hand comment. it needed more impact imo#then again. it's bones <- disappointed but not surprised
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Is there a 300 page essay about Murderbot's armor (specifically the opaque helmet) as a not-so-subtle metaphor for masking in a clearly neurodivergent character already? Because I need it.
The way Murderbot is unvoluntarily without its opaque armor in All System Red in front of the crew (i.e. unmasking) and appears surprised at its own strong facial expressions and other people's reaction to it? The vulnerability that comes with that and how Murderbot spends pretty much the rest of the book wearing or actively missing its armor which keeps it safe from the mortifying ordeal of being known (yet sometimes other characters suggest it might help for it to not opacify the helmet in order for others to see it as a person and to trust it (and in the end idk if it would have achieved the rewards of being loved by its humans and have had its needs met if it hadn't unmasked in this relatively safe environment sometimes)).
Also there's the whole avoiding-looking-directly-at-people-and-using-drones-instead thing which Murderbot usually hides using the opaque helmet, but whenever it doesn't have that people notice it and many react negatively/confused. I think that's a whole neurodivergent-applicable situation in and of itself? Like damn
And then Mensah encourages Murderbot not to wear armor on Preservation station since it would not need it there, Murderbot is hesitant but ends up not wearing any (like 4 books later when we finally get to that bridge) (going for the comfortable clothes it chose for itself instead, with very strong feelings about the whole being able to make choices thing that I cannot go into further at this point because I would absolutely end up BITING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE).
And I'm not going to advocate for unmasking all the time in any setting because hell no, sometimes it absolutely sucks and people are irritated by Murderbot's now visible quirks and are afraid of what they don't know, but many GET TO KNOW Murderbot better and because there are other people that make sure Murderbot is safe and respected and are willing to get people fired for it if they disrespect it (Pin-Lee my beloved) Murderbot can experiment with this situation without being exiled to some abonded part of a planet and other people are forced to spend enough time around ot to learn to respect it and even like it. I just....... It must be so scary and Murderbot is handling so much at once and in this essay I will
PS sorry this is a disorganized mess but so am I and I have so many Thoughts and even more Emotions and so little patience.
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#all systems red#murderbot diaries#𓄿#i sincerely hope this post isn't insensitive because i feel like the autism vibes are strong with murderbot and i am not diagnosed with tha#but i have adhd and a fun mix of anxiety and depression#and i've been deepdiving into autism research to help get one of my closest friends diagnosed (not possible at the moment)#and i relate so strongly in many ways and i dont know if its just that adhd and autism can overlap heavily#or my personal cocktail of adhd anxiety depression etc#or if i am on the spectrum somewhere myself#in any case i feel very strong solidarity and i hope i am not overstepping#but the main point here is the masking and that is DEFINITELY something ive been struggling with a lot recently#hence the strong emotions lol#i dont like to unmask. it sucks. but it can be so worth it.#and i am practicing and learning and trying my best#i feel like this fun sideblog for my scifi hyperfixations is quickly turning into a mess of therapy ramblings for myself#maybe thats because i love these books particularly BECAUSE i relate so strongly to these characters#in ways that are not NormalTM. and surprising for me#and ways that really help me figure out who i am and why dealing sith other people is so difficult for me#welp nevermind#all hail murderbot i guess
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I haven't even met him in-game yet(because he isn't even there yet lol) and he's already reaching blorbo status.
#this game is pretty mid and yet it has two. count them TWO characters that I would consider blorbos#this guy and Svarog (can you tell I like robots?)#(the fact that he's gonna be playable took me by complete surprise in the best way possible#because I did NOT think Hoyoverse would ever make a (noticeably) non-human character playable and I am Very excited about it)#((they've got non-humans already but those are just regular people with animal ears/tails/etc. those don't really count))#honkai star rail#screwllum#4tlas' art
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I frequently see people saying that the list of traits Jiang Cheng gave to the matchmaker are "impossible standards", ridiculous, unreasonable, outlandish, absurd, nobody could ever possibly meet them, etc.
Anyway the translation that's up on the wiki is:
His requirements in his partner are: naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely.
First off, the list comes from a random trivia answer MXTX gave in an interview, not the novel canon. So whether you even consider it canon at all is up for grabs to begin with. Though I think there was a scene in CQL with a similar list so it would be canon there, minus the Jin Ling point (due to the point in the story the scene was set)? (So I believe the matchmaker blacklisting point still wouldn't be CQL canon though, just the list?)
But if you do take it all as a Super Serious Canon Thing, well... to be honest I just don't think that list is at all unusual, given the setting? I believe many of the points in the list are just traits considered generally good for ladies of the time period (intentionally vague as that time period may be). (I am absolutely not an expert though so please correct me if I'm wrong about that.)
To me it seems that it's not that they're unusually high or unattainable standards, they're just so generic that they're sort of unhelpful. That he has like no idea what he wants at all outside what he's supposed to want.
The only points that actually seem to have any specificity are things like cultivation level not too high. Which some people could interpret negatively, and fair enough. But personally to me that seemed more like a flashing neon sign of 'please someone not like my mother', given her strength in cultivation was one of her defining traits (and something that he may have felt led to her disappointment in him). Even though Jiang Cheng may carry forward some of her traits himself (for better and for worse; this is not a YZY hate zone but there's... a lot there), he does seem to have at least given some thought to choosing a partner to counter some of the pain points of his own childhood and aim for something different (and we see him trying to do that himself in specific ways as well, like his staunch support of Jin Ling when he was crying after the Second Siege, even if he doesn't always fully succeed).
And, of course, 'must treat Jin Ling nicely'. Which seems obvious and not like a big deal at first, but I think actually could reasonably be a big sticking point in a potential marriage. My understanding is that he was wildly more involved in Jin Ling's life than a maternal uncle would normally be. Including this as a specific requirement seems to send a particular type of statement, as if it was important to him that any potential match would not take offense to him treating an orphaned child that wasn't his with a lot of attention and gifts and favor... hmmm, how could he have possibly decided that could be a problem in a marriage...?
(Obviously, the scenario would be very different than his parents' - none of the salacious rumors and the humiliation that came with them that really drove a deeper wedge between YZY and JFM - but he was obviously going to be doing a lot more for Jin Ling than an average uncle so it makes sense to have that be a specific point upfront.)
I'm ultimately in the 'it was MXTX making a joke and not meant to be taken nearly this seriously' with a side of 'the clan leaders of this generation aren't in a hurry to get married because MXTX just didn't feel like writing their wives in and also it was funny' camp so I think there's a limit to how much insight can be gleaned from this, you know? It is fun to play with it in-universe and explore the implications on the society and political system going forward in the decades post-canon, but I do try to keep myself from taking it too seriously when it's clearly not a well-thought-out plot point or anything, just a fun offhand jokey trivia bit.
But I like the vibes of it all well enough to accept it as 'semi-canon' or 'canon enough' for myself anyway because I think the 'must treat Jin Ling nicely' point is cute and the rest is just standard for the setting and the blacklisted by matchmakers part is funny, and I'm much more willing to subsume random bits from interviews into my brain's blorbo blob if it's something funny.
#my possibly hot? but probably lukewarm at best? maybe even room temperature? take#just some random thoughts that percolated in my sleep deprived brain on the topic#because I've seen a bunch of posts recently - some joking and others more serious - about the list#jiang cheng things#thinking too much about jiang cheng again#I would say 'I can't believe I just wrote all that over MXTX's silly interview answers'#but I absolutely can believe my self did that#not even mildly surprised at this point
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Thanks for answering.
But wait. They put queer people in straight jackets?
Sorry for the pun but I couldn't help myself
Sorry anon, but that sounds like such a Kazui thing to say
#cringefail old man tries to flirt (gone wrong)#Kazui can never out right say he's gay or ask out a man#but he CAN flirt in the most corny way possible and hope for the best#unfortunately this goes right over Shidou's head. every. time.#Shidou is the type of person to be surprised that people like him#despite him being handsome and quite kind he doesn't see himseld as anything special#so he goes into denial over people having feelings for him#istg this man's wife was probably the one who confessed to him and he was like 'huh??? you like me back???'#mans really proposed and pulled a surprised pikachu faced when she said yes#and now that she's gone he doesn't think he'll find anyone else who likes him again l#tragic#anyways—#kazui mukuhara#shidou kirisaki#milgram kazui#milgram shidou#0507#kazui x shidou#milgram 0507#milgram#milgram project#my art#sketch#ask#anon
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I think one of the most impactful moments of my life was hearing the Maghreb adthan play all throughout the city in Lebanon and looking up and seeing the crescent moon so crisp and clearly in the sky.
Saida is such an alive and electric city and I felt as though I was being whooshed around every second since I had arrived and my eager eyes were struggling to catch up and take all of it in. There was not much stillness as the arrival of my father and I had erupted our family into life and celebration <33.
However, the first night there, sitting out on the balcony while the call for prayer flooded the streets…it felt as though it was different than all of the other adthans I had heard before. As if not only the people of Saida had paused their lives to listen but the moon herself, and all the buildings, street cats, flowers, birds, trees, mountains and the ocean too took in a moment of silence to listen, and to remember our Rabb.
It felt as though my heart had been dead for my whole life up until that point and the adthan and the evoking of my Lords name catalyzed her to start beating again, to become alive and conscious of the One who decreed her very creation to begin with. And it was that night that I had prayed salah for the first time after an entire year of not praying. And it was that salah that was the first time I had cried in sajood to my Creator.
#I think that moment will stick with me for my entire life#it was like the entire world went silent#it was so jarring???? in contrast to the sounds I was hearing beforehand#it caught me by surprise tbh#in the best way possible#m’s mind#muslim blogging#reconnecting with Allah
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Ride 741: Danchiku's “shout”
Pag 1
1: In their eyes,an unshakable will....!!
Pag 2
3: Ahhhh
4: Danchiku is exhaling!! For so long!!
3.... 4....
5: 5 seconds!!
Ahh
6: No, he's exhaling even more!!
8... 9.... 10 seconds!!
Ahhhhh
Pag 3
1: 11 seconds.... 12 seconds!!
3: He's emptying his lungs using all his muscles around them!!
5: This is bad!!
Pag 4
1: It's coming!!
2: “Panda shout”
“It's a breathing technique”
“I become twice as fast”
The onw who reaches the sensor line first wins this race!!
If I don't get ahead now
3: He'll catch up!!
4: Ahhh
Pag 5
5: Filled up of “fresh”!!
6: Panda....
Pag 6
1: Shout!!
Hiigaruaaagh!!
Pag 7
1: Hiigaruaaagh!!
Pag 8
1: He caught up to me!!
2: Twice as fast!!
3: Kuaaaaagh
Pag 9
1: We entered the last curve!!
And Danchiku is still accelerating!!
2: This is Danchiku at “100%”!!
Pag 10
1: Cough cough
This is so hard!!
2: 300km left until the sensor line!!
3: Catch up, catch up, catch up
Catch up!!
Pag 11
1: Sugimoto Terufumi!!
2: Kuaaaaaa
200m left!!
Pag 12
1: Cough
Cough
2: We're all both human beings
We all have limbs, and a head
Danchiku, and Onoda, and Naruko too
3: We're all human beings!!
4: Our bikes aren't all that different
My Colnago is ligh and fast!!
5: So, I'll catch up
I'll catch up!!
6: I should catch up!!
Pag 13
1: I watched it, their running
3: I watched them from the sidelines
For three years!!
4: Onoda!!
Onoda-kun!!
Sakamichi!
Pedaaal!!
5: Doesn't matter how hard it was for them
Pag 14
1: They never gave up!!
3: Calm down, heart
Calm down, breath
4: Panda shout? Bamboo Hop Shot?
5: You're working hard,didn't you, Danchiku?
That's nice
6: Then I'll indulge you and let you practice with me!!
Kuaaaaaa
Pag 15
2: They left Onoda and the others behind.. so the race is on this lap!!
Nii-chan!! On!!
They're coming!!
3: Danchiku and Sugimoto
4: 100m left!! This will settle it!!
They both started the final sprint!!
Danchiku is ahead!! And he's smiling!!
Pag 16
1: Sorry, Sugimoto-san
As expected, you ran and practiced in Sohoku with no breaks for three years
2: But
It's over now!!
3: I'm sorry, but give up please!!
4: Sugimoto!!
5: Nii-chan!!
Pag 19
2: Kuaaaaaagh
4: Ju... just now....
Pag 20
1: They arrived at the same time.... on
2: At the end.... Sugimoto stretched ahead with a long sprint...
Who knew he could do something like that!!
3: Nii-chan really is amazing, on!!
4: But
A tie at this moment means that-
On
5: This race
Pag 21
1: Hasn't ended yet!!
It's a suddent death match until they settle this!!
2: A long.... sprint...
You still had.... something like that....
4: Good job.... my Colnago-chan, good job
5: No... now....!!
Should we go another lap, Danchiku?!
6: This guy.... he doesn't give up!!
#yowamushi pedal translations#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 741#sugimoto is so cool?????#i did not expect it tbh lmao#this chapter is prettu surprising??? makes it so difficult to guess whats going to happen#i was talking with my sister earlier and we got to the conclusion that its possible that neither of them will go to the ih in the end#and both rokudai and kinaka will#because - lbr sugimoto is too weak to compete in the ih like IM SORRY AND I HATE TO SAY IT BUT ITS TRUE!!#and he's still treated as weak or anyway not so strong you know? and yes i do know we had junta last year who was the same#but thats it we cant have the same kind of character twice right?#so yeah the chances of him going are still low for me. but at the same time. danchiku and kaburagi are being too obnoxious#its like watanabe is trying his best to not make us cheer for them#and for sugimoto to be beaten once again by them? that'd be harsh#and its suspicios that thei race ended in a tie for two times. it should have ended already at this point#so. my guess is that for some reason (maybe onoda's choice? he is the captain after all. or maybe something will happen with the first year#for some reason neither of them will be chosen and roku and kinaka will#but tbh the only thing im 100% sure is that rokudai will go to the ih#everything else is a big ?????? in my mind lmao
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sometimes a show throws a scenario at you that you could see coming a hundred miles off but that in no way is gonna prevent you from going absolutely feral over it. Anyway I binged all of Link Click in like three days and I'm going to start chewing furniture about the end of S2
#link click#am I SURPRISED that lu guang is without question on board to#go against all his own rules and break reality for cxs?#not really. it's kind of what you expect just from the premise#am i still screaming into a pillow about it?#OH ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY#FUCKING MADOKA SHIT. HELP ME.#fellas is it gay to fuck with time and disregard all possible consequences#because the alternative is letting your Best Friend die and that's simply not an option#i want... to write... bed sharing fic so bad#they really made CXS For Me like#you have the absolutely perfect excuse to just drop this boy into a trauma blender at any given moment#anyway i think he should get like. trapped in a cave-in or something#anything that makes him terrified of being left alone#and when he comes back out he just desperately needs lg to hold him and not let go
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1x02 + 4x09
#byler#byler analysis#will byers#mike wheeler#do you hear me crying#everything just hits so much harder knowing that will loved mike from the start#and it's very possible that mike also loved will from the start too#even though we don't have full confirmation#i feel like karen knows mike so much more than it seems#even though they don't have many scenes together you can tell they're close and she loves and cares for her son so much#and she pays a lot more attention than ted#so i wouldn't be surprised if she has picked up on things too#and why else would people assume things about will?#it's possible that mike and will were always by each other's side and people just started making assumptions and judged them#it's also clear that they have the closest relationship even though mike said his best friend was lucas in season 1#it just seems like there's so much more going on#because all the other characters seem to know mike and will are the closest too#karen wheeler#jonathan byers#stranger things#mike#will#otp: the best thing i've ever done#stranger things parallels
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Okay, season 5 left us with A TON of complicated things still left to work through, but I'ma shove all that drama to the side to propose the possibilities.
I present to you half-reveal Adrinette-dating, where Marinette finds out Adrien is Chat Noir, and he knows that she found out. For reasons, she doesn't tell him she's Ladybug cause they're already in loooooooove~ Just imagine! Super-aggressive-protective-of-Marinette-Chat Noir during akuma attacks, relentles superhero/civilian flirting, moonlit Eiffel tower dates cause Chat can bring her there when no one else is around. Heck, even Adrien 'introducing' her to Plagg and getting to hang out with Marinette, then mercilessly teasing them both for being absolute dorks. It's basically Marichat all over again but on CRACK and I am HERE FOR IT.
#miraculous ladybug#marichat#adrinette#ml s5#ml season 5 spoilers#And oh the possibilities for such drama#Alya's like GIRL how are you still flirting with Chat while dating Adrien!?#Alya it's not what you think I swear I can explain while actually not#and then Adrien's just like oh no Alya it's cool I dig Chat Noir too and understand#Luka's probably the best wingman#SO MANY PAW-SSIBILITIES#And everyone that knows Marinette is Ladybug which is a surprising amount now will be all wtf Marinette#Cause literally only Luka knows Adrien is Chat Noir#If someone writes or has already written a fic with any such relative ideas it is your civic duty to send me links
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and by the way i fucking deserved better. you came back with your hand held out and asked me to love you again like i was a fool, like you knew i wanted you to do but you forgot friendship is a two way street and i loved you deeper than you loved yourself. i heard myself in your words and i knew the answer before you asked the question because i spent a year grieving and a year growing and another two years healing and three more years forgetting and you sent me a message asking me to forgive you as if i already hadn't done so. you asked to try again and i almost became the fool that did it because once upon a time we were best friends then we weren't and i cried at night wishing you'd come crawling back to say those words to me again. and i thought of all the ways i could tear you apart with my teeth before carefully mending you back together with my sparkly glue and my shaky sowing needle.
but in reality i knew if i let you in again that i could forgive you but i'd never be able to forgive myself. i'd be looking into the past and spitting into the face of the kid who gave up everything he felt about you to become me and i needed to let you go like the sand between my cupped hands. the ocean cleans away the grit and leaves seashells in them. its a reminder that there are still things to find and cherish. i deserve to love the world and you will not be a part of it. i am not sorry for that.
#text post#rabble poem#friendship#vent#the audacity of ex best friends to message you like 'hayyyyy'#begone bitche#and also imagine my face when i find out my message to her was in the echo of the vent letter i wrote in a vent book#i could forgive her but i'd never forgive myself <- fav line btw. no i am not being normal about it#also yeah i blocked her ass she was like 'i miss youuuuuu i miss our friendshiiiip'#girl. 6 years too late what. we homoerotically broke up /queer platonically in MIDDLE SCHOOL move ON#me as i say the most fucked up writing possible. listen i deserve it i was normal about it for like a MONTH#imagine my surprise when i open my facebook messanger at work and i see her name like i almost threw away the whole damn phone#she said she couldnt stop thinking about me tho like LMAO i live rent free in ur head?? have fun with that bye <3
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going absolutely out of my mind here!!!!!!!
#bg3#thoughts about media#THE FULL CONCENTRATED POWER OF THE SUN#I've done my best to avoid spoiling any of the kisses for myself. the only ones I saw were the halsin one. and one of karlach's.#wyll's kisses are all SOOO romantic and emotionally intense...#the way he looks at tav??? god. just. the biggest most love-filled eyes....#I counted four unique kisses? though it's possible that his endgame kiss will be unique to that moment. so potentially a total of five.#I think my favourite one is the one where your tav kisses his hand. that is something I have always wanted in the game.#and the way he's a bit surprised to have the charm turned on him?? ogh I die.
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oh so when my ex is trans my parents are all 'he' this 'him' that 'forgot he ever went by another name' but when i attempt to come out to them three separate times the first (and so far only) time they've so much as used my preferred name was to mock me for manspreading in my grandfather's zafira
#it's actually kind of come as surprise just how aggressively unsupportive they've been#like. they havent kicked me out which is super cool of them. but also i am now being constantly ridiculed#if i'm not being ignored#i thought it wld be like#awkward and difficult but ultimately they'd come around#but my mum despite being the best out of all of them about it is not making ANY attempts to gender me correctly#if anything she's been saying my deadname more than she ever used to#like suddenly the pet names stopped and now its my full government name#they're being 'supportive' at the barest possible minimum level in that they're not like. telling me i'll go to hell or whatever#like weirdly enough its the catholic in the family (my mother) who's being the. relatively normalest about it
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