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quackeroos · 4 years

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ONE WEEK || Day Five

Pairing: tom holland x dying ex!reader

Summary: you were dying, and tom still loves you. now he plans on loving you ‘til your last breath, and maybe get you to say those three words back to him.

Warnings: swearing, angst

Words: 5.6k

*gif not mine!

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

YESTERDAY'S EVENTS still hadn't left her mind. Remembering every bit of it only made Y/n's heart thump like crazy. She didn't notice that her heart monitor was beeping so loudly, Jamie had to come and snap her from her thoughts. "Oh god. Don't tell me your having dirty thoughts about Tom!" A pillow met Jamie's face and it made her nose sore.

"Oh, shove off! And keep your voice down, will you?"

Her sister gasps. "So, you were thinking of it!"

Y/n groans in annoyance. Jamie can sometimes be a pain in the arse. "It's not that you twat!"

"Then what was it that made your heart go coo coo?"

Y/n didn't answer. She laid back on her bed and continued switching the channels on the telly. A smirk grows on her sister's face. "Okay, I'm assuming it's about Tom, but it's not anything erotic." She only answered with a low grumble.

The door shifts open and closes with a thud. "I'm back!" the person bellowed. Speak of the devil. Jamie eyes her sister with a smirk, but all y/n could do was ignore her sand blush. She wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. Tom settles down his backpack and takes his seat beside y/n's bed.

"Mornin' love," he greets. "How are you feeling?"

She shifted from her bed and sat upright. "I don't feel completely shitty, thanks for asking." Tom chuckles as he was fixing up his meal. "Thank you, by the way, for yesterday. I had a lot of fun." The brunette takes her hand and brings it up to his lips. A soft kiss planted on the top of her hand and he smiles, still not letting go of hers. All y/n could do was grin softly.

The morning went on peacefully. Jamie went to her university to pass her final papers for the semester, leaving the two alone in the room. Unlike before, tension filled the air. But compared to now, the two were at ease, comfortable in their space with each other.

Tom laid his head on Y/n's stomach, their hands still intertwined. His other hand poked at her stomach only for it to bounce right back up, he found it very entertaining. was a lazy Friday afternoon. They were already at their 6th movie of the day, and the time they would only move is when they had to go to the bathroom or change positions.

Tom stood up from his seat and stretched his back with a loud yawn escaping his mouth. "Alright, I'm bored. Maybe we should take a walk around the hospital."

Y/n groaned, "I kinda don't wanna leave my bed yet."

"Oh, come on, please?"

"Make me."

His thin lips pouted; eyes turned soft making it seem like he was a puppy. God, Y/n hated him for pulling that card. He knew she couldn't resist that face, his perfectly goddamn adorable face. "Wise move, Holland." her eyes rolled.

Tom winks at her. "Knew you wouldn't resist that."

"You're so full of yourself!" He was right though.

His strong arms slid under her and lifted her up with no effort. Once placed on her wheelchair Tom takes out his phone and sends a text, pocketing the device before pushing her out of the room.

As always, the nurses they pass by greet the two warmly, and some stopping Tom for a quick selfie, along with patients. From the side, Y/n teasingly scoffs, "Movie Star."

"Don't worry Moonshine," Tom leaned in towards her ear, "You're still my favourite girl." and he kissed the top of her hand before pushing her again. The trip around the buildings was slow, but it made y/n appreciate her surroundings more. (Only if there were windows to the outside world, of course.) They passed by the children's ward, silently watching them on little desks who were colouring and drawing on some sketchbooks and reading a storybook with their favourite toy. They've already explored every building, so Tom parked by the side and faced her.

"Well, we've walked around every building. Wanna head back to your room? I think Jamie's already back from uni." He looks at the time on his phone. When the elevator opened, he brings up his hand to press their floor.

"Wait, I wanna make one more stop."

"To the rooftop?"

She shook her head. "Let's go to the fourth floor." The doors opened with a ding and Tom pushed out. "Take a right and straight through those doors." The hall seemed to be isolated. There wasn’t a lot of people on the floor, just some nurses doing their rounds and the two of them.

"You're not leading me to a kill zone, right?" he joked.

"Believe me Movie Star, if I was gonna kill you it would be in an abandoned warehouse, not an empty hallway."

Tom pushed through the double doors. Their surroundings turned a but dark, and the bright lights that guided their ways was from the window to their left. "Is this the-"

Her hum echoes the hallway. Tom stood beside her and leaned towards the glass to take a closer look at the newly born infants. All of them were wrapped like little burritos, so small with their cheeks that look so soft. They slept peacefully while the nurses cared for them. Tom glanced at y/n, she was looking at one particular baby, the one inside an incubator with wires attached to its little body.

Tom could see y/n's emotional attachment to the baby, and it made him wonder, did she go here often? He had to ask.

"Sometimes, when I just feel like it. Every time I was confined here, I always used to go here to clear my head and give me some inner peace. This was the next best thing in the hospital; the rooftop garden being my number one, obviously." she chuckled.

Silence consumed the air once again. A nurse enters the nursery with an infant wrapped in a pink blanket. She was placed on the little crib and her name was on full display for the any passerby. The nurse notices their presence and sends y/n a wave and a look that only she could understand. Tom wondered what it meant but brushed it off, it didn't seem that important.

"I usually come here when I feel lost, most of the time when I was actually losing hope at living." His head snapped towards her.

"Turns out I found a little ray of hope in that little bundle of joy." She points at the incubated baby. "I thought to myself, this little one is probably fighting for himself to live, while I was here waiting for my life to end. I figured, if I tried living a little, maybe I'd get to see him out of the incubator one day. He was always a fighter, you know?"

"How long 'til he gets out?"

"Less than a month." Silence consumed the air again before she spoke. "You know, these past few days, you’ve been nothing but be a big help to me and Jamie. I just want to say Thank you, for being here right now and for-" She struggled to let it out. What did she wanted to say anyway? Y/n forgot as soon as Tom levelled with her line of sight.

His hand reached out towards her, and the tips of his finger landed on her right cheek. The sudden contact made her blush like a lovesick teenager—She sure felt like one too. His hand pulls back and his index and thumb seemed to hold something in between. "Make a wish." he said. Y/n wanted to question but he gave her a knowing look that said, "Just do it." Eyes closed, her mind formulated tons of it, but none of it were what her heart really desired. Maybe it was because her wish had already come true? Nevertheless, she wished for the other thing her heart desired most.

Her eyes open and she sees Tom still in front of her with his index and thumb still enclosed. "Up or down?"

She laughs, "What?"

"Just choose, up or down?"

Y/n rolled her eyes, not knowing where he was getting at, but she replies with, "Up".

Tom opens his fingers, and on top revealed a single eyelash. He blows it away with a childish smile. "I heard from someone that when there's a stray eyelash in your face you should make a wish."

"Oh really?" She smirked. "Then I guess you have to make one too." Her fingers lightly brushed his faced, picking up the single strand of eyelash and holding it up in a pinch. "Go on, make a wish." Eyes closed, Tom only thought of one thing.

"Down."

Her finger lifts. Blows it away as soon as it was in the open air. "So, what did you wish for?" she asked.

"To have a shit ton of candy."

Y/n playfully rolled her eyes at his childishness. She didn't press him any further, there was no point at beating Tom when it came to his immature personality. He has a mind of an eight-year-old, and sometimes, he would have his fair share of maturity Not always though.

It was nice though, that even though she was so mean and hard on him on the first day, Tom knew how to soften her up.

***

The rest of the afternoon, Y/n had spent the day at her bed, resting, preparing herself mentally and physically for the operation that will happen in less than eight hours. Tom was out to who knows where, no one dared tell her. The moment the two came back to the room, Tom laid beside her with the little space she gave to him. He put her to sleep by watching a bit of sit-coms and stroke her forehead with his finger, trailing off to the tip of her nose.

Getting out of bed was a tricky situation for him. His arm was under her body, and she was cuddled in next to him. He thought it was cute, didn't want to leave even. But Tom had to finish up things before she wakes up, and first order of business: getting out of the predicament. As quiet, gently and carefully as possible, he replaced his body with one of her pillows and leaves Y/n in the care of her sister.

And so, Y/n wakes up, with a pillow right beside her and a humming Jamie, typing away on her laptop. She catches her attention when she sat up. "Still haven't finished your book yet?" she asked. Her sister replies with a tight-lipped face and a shake of her head. "I'm kind of stuck actually. I don't know what to do after this one scene then transitioning it to the other."

"Well, you'll figure it out somehow. By the way, have you seen Tom?"

"Nope. Not a clue."

Y/n shot her a look, fully knowing that her sister was lying. She also had the same gut feeling she had yesterday - that or she's just assuming. Jamie kept silent and continued typing in her laptop. Y/n stopped questioning about Tom because she knew that her sister will eventually have to make a move to set her up or tell her about it directly. "Hey sis, how do you feel about wearing a dress, outside the hospital, at night?" bingo.

"I'll feel cold and say that you're a fucking lunatic." she laughed upon receiving a gentle smack on her head. Jamie rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed, "Tough luck sis, 'coz that's exactly what you'll be wearing tonight." The teen pulled out an ugly red Christmas sweater and a white skirt. Y/n's eyes shifted from the outfit to her sister giving her the "really?" look.

"Jamie it's autumn, and I'm already freezing myself enough inside this damn room."

"Which is why I brought your coat, scarf, beanie and boots." She drops an imaginary mic and mocked her sister continuously with her ridiculous face. Y/n coughs and laid back down. Jamie was a goofball, a complete goofball. But she knew her sister was very persistent on things, especially when it comes to her love life — hence all the set-ups with Tom all throughout their relationship, until now.

"You are enjoying this way too much." she made sure to be evident with sarcasm.

"Yup! Not gonna deny it. Now hurry up you old bean! We can't make them wait you know."

And so, just like yesterday, Y/n had let Jamie take the wheel. Fixing her up again, but leaving her face bare. Because according to Jamie: "A no-makeup-look is the trend nowadays. And besides, you despise wearing too much of it." She closes her kit and takes Y/n coat, wrapping it around her too keep her from the cold.

"Ready to go, Madam?"

***

The trip to the "surprise" was fairly short. It took Y/n and Jamie less than 10 minutes to arrive because it was at the hospital. Her sister pressed the top floor of the building; to the rooftop garden. She wondered, why there? People rarely visit it at night unlike during the day where the patients could sit under the sun and take a whiff of the smell of flowers. Before she could even pop the question, it seems that her sister had already read her mind. "You'll see why. Now hush."

Her well-known grin displayed on her face when the elevator tinged! The steel doors open to a dark open area. If Y/n didn't know any better, she would've thought that this was a plot to kill her or something. But since she wasn't in a serial killer movie, it totally couldn't be that. Although scared, Y/n was pushed to the middle of it all. The doors of the elevator closed and left along with the only source of light they had except for the moon, stars and a few buildings around the area.

She craned her neck towards Jamie, asking for an explanation. But she shakes her head, and nods off to the direction towards her, making Y/n face it. Little by little, lights lit up around the place, illuminating the once dark area. Strings of fairy lights hung above her, the fountain was alive, and lights outlined it and the water inside it. And at the end of the area, it's last light lit up, and the face that had given her hope in the last three years she had lived in solitude was there.

He was wearing his usual outfit; the iconic jacket over hoodie look. As comfortable as it looked, it also suited him and the cold British weather. In his hand were a bouquet of Baby's breath and Sunflowers. An adorable smile grew on his face as he slowly approached her, and on cue, Jamie took a step back and left her alone with him.

When he was already in front of her a crouched down, holding out flowers for her with a goofy grin. "Jamie said you were looking for me?"

"That's because you were sleeping next to me, then the moment I wake up you were gone. So yes, I was looking for you."

"I'd say you missed me too much. Am I really such a catch? Maybe you're obsessing over me, love." he said with a teasing grin. Y/n scoffed playfully, it was hard not to respond, she loved having playful banters with him. Half of it might be true, but of course Y/n doesn't need to tell him that.

"You are in over your head, Holland. Might wanna get off that cloud."

"Gladly milady. But only if you'll agree to join me for dinner." Behind him revealed a table set for two. The scenery behind it, was beautiful. The buildings with lights and Big Ben made the dark background alive. Tom pushed her wheelchair towards the table, and he sat perpendicular to her. Everything was put together perfectly It made Y/n wonder: How long did he prepare all of this?

"You never cease to amaze me, Tom." A look of admiration and love. Tom could see it fully, in her eyes and in her smile. She was glowing. It was the same look he saw yesterday and the past years he had been dating her. It lit a flame in his heart. And he only thought of one thing at that very moment.

He can't wait to wake up every morning with that look of love by his side.

***

This is so cliche, Y/n thought. Tom had asked Sam to cook a bowl of spaghetti and his other friends to play "Bella Notte" in the background. At the corner of her eye, she could see Harry, documenting everything like a supportive mother. No doubt, Tom asked him to do it. It was a "Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene" come to life. The idea of replicating it was just so romantic and at the same time ridiculous. "What made you think of doing this Tom?" she laughed.

"I don't know. Maybe the thought of accidentally kissing you while eating spaghetti? You gotta admit it though, the Lady and the Tramp; best romantic movie ever."

"Yeah sure, romantic. But I prefer the iconic Heath Ledger scene."

"I'll make a note of that." He joked. Tom ate a mouthful of spaghetti and began slurping. A goofy grin plastered on his face, he managed to get his desired reaction from Y/n.

"Ugh gross! Have some table manners you pig!" Tom only laughed at her, not caring that she was absolutely annoyed at him. He loved seeing her pissed off face, it was entertaining. "Look at your face, you look like a child! Wipe your face with a napkin, you dingus."

An idea popped in his head, and a smirk grew on his face. Y/n did not like the mischievous look. "Why wipe it with a napkin when I have you to wipe it for me."

"I'm not your mother, Tom." She deadpanned. "Just pick up the napkin and wipe the goddamn sauce off of your face, simple as that."

Like a child, he shook his head. "Uh-uh!"

"The napkin is right there, Tom." With no second thoughts, he threw the napkin away and smiled innocently. Y/n muttered curses in her head. She hated his stubborn ass, mostly for the times when he would use it to start a banter and piss her to no end. She took her own napkin and handed it across the table. But instead of taking it, Tom had leaned forward and put his hands behind his back. "Take the napkin, Holland. I'm not a damn babysitter." But he didn't budge. Tom sat there, batting his puppy eyes innocently at her. She groaned in annoyance, hating his stupid smile. She knew that he was enjoying it, how could he not? The stupid grin was plastered on the dumbass's face. Dreading to just get the job done, she leaned forward and dab the cloth on the side of his lip.

"Thank you~" he sang. But a pissed off Y/n wasn't at all amused at him. She crumpled the napkin into a ball and threw it in his face. Tom thought it to be hostile, but unbeknownst to him, Y/n was actually playing along.

She threatened him, "Do that again, I'm throwing off of this building."

But both of them knew it was an empty threat. Y/n could do it, no doubt, but she liked to follow her personal ethics. Tom only laughed at her, "Sure you will, love."

***

As soon as dinner was finished, the two sat at one of the benches and looked at the sky. Y/n loved looking at the night sky, almost as much as how she loved looking at the blue and cloudy one during day. She was fond of looking for constellations, but she never really knew the names, so she would just make one up whenever she would find a pattern in a sky. Tom discovered this at a time when they were sitting on the roof of her house. "I see.... a chicken."

She paused for a moment to scan for a pattern, humming as she does. "I see... a log."

"I see a dog with airplane wings."

"I see pyramid."

"I see.... a duck with a jaguar head, singing karaoke with a dolphin wearing a top hat and a monocle."

Y/n tries to hide back her laugh and turns to face him. It was by far the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. "What? There's no way you could've spotted that. You're just making things up!"

"And what if I am? I do have a wild imagination, you know.

She scoffed in defeat. "Whatever dude. You've always been such a big baby." The air was quiet once again, and they sat comfortably. Y/n was at ease, after three long years of keeping Tom out of her life, she was glad to finally have him by side. Without even thinking, she laid her head on his shoulder, and in return, Tom wrapped his arm around her. His warmth was so comfortable, like a weighted blanket that covered her body. He sighed in the air, also comfortable with the intimacy and her company. It had already been years, and yet, his heart beats so fast at the action she had initiated.

"Do you think the hospital will let us sleep here for the night?" She wondered.

"Why? you getting tired already?"

"Nah. I just wanna sleep under the stars. Who knows, maybe I might spot a shooting star?" Y/n yawned quietly.

"Wait wait wait, I still have something prepared. Keep those eyes open, darling!"

Y/n groaned. "Don't tell me you're doing another serenade!"

"Oh hush! You love my serenades!" She rolled her eyes, not even fighting back because it was true. Tom took his guitar from behind the bench and secured its strap around him. Tom started strumming the tune. Y/n had recognized the song when he sang its first line.

"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad Carry you around when your arthritis is bad All I wanna do is grow old with you"

"I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches Build you a fire if the furnace breaks Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you"

Just like before, Tom spared no second from looking away at her. And of course, the intense gaze that he held maid her melt. She couldn't help but not look away too. How could she tear her eyes away from him?

"I'll miss you Kiss you Give you my coat when you are cold Need you Feed you Even let you hold the remote control"

Tom could only hope that Y/n was getting the message he wanted to convey through the song. He had been waiting to do it for so long. The ring had been kept in one of his drawers, left inside to be built up by dust. He never thought it would ever seen the light of day. Yet here he was, singing to her, with the velvet box in his pocket, hoping that she would understand. Saying it in person was nerve-racking. The first time he did it made him anxious, even now. Although the singing did help him ease up a bit.

"So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink Oh, I could be the man who grows old with you I wanna grow old with you"

The song ended with a strum and Y/n clapped for him with a proud smile. She joked, "Always had been an entertainer. Thank you for the song, kind sir." Tom tucked away his guitar and faced her with his hands in his lap. "So.... did you-uhm... get the message of the song?" Y/n only sat there, oblivious. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. She knew the song meant growing old with your other half, but that's just about it. There were a number of possibilities Tom had wanted to convey through the song, and one stood out. She didn't want to believe it though; it might just be her.

"Uhm... No. I'm not sure really." she winced. God, she hated the feeling. It was like the time she rejected his proposal. Tom sat there with his thoughts. She might have gotten a piece of it, maybe she just wouldn't admit it? It didn't bother him at all, really. The song was just phase one of his plan, the real show was just about to start. He lifts his hand and waved over to Sam, who was at the other side of the garden, now sitting by his keyboard piano. Y/n, curious at the sudden call for his brother, she asked, "Why what happened? Is there something wrong?"

"No. Just told Sam to play something for me."

"What?" And as if on cue, Sam played a beautiful melody that danced in the cold air. And Zendaya had stepped out from the shadows with a mic in hand, she waved at the two with a smile.

Tom stood up from his seat and held out his hand. Y/n only looked at it, not getting what he wanted her to do. Her mind had only understood when Tom uttered the words, "Dance with me."

She laughed, but soon died down when Tom wasn't laughing with her. "Oh. You're serious?"

"Does it look like I'm joking Y/n? Yes, I am serious."

"Um yeah, I don't think that's a possibility. As you can see, I literally can't move my legs anymore. Jamie mentioned it you before, right?

"Well I for one, believe in miracles. And that everything is possible, even the impossible." She giggled, he was quoting Mary Poppins and although it was ridiculous, it was appropriate enough to be used at the time.

"You trust me, right?" he asked.

She didn't need to decide. She knew in her heart the answer. "Yes. I do." because she always had.

"Then take my hand."

Sighing, Y/n reaches out and take his hand. Tom leaned towards her and scoops is her light body. She circled her arms around his neck as he walked to the center of the garden.

"My mind runs away to you With the thought I hope you'll see Can't see where it's wandered to But I know where it wants to be"

Tom slowly settles down her legs, but Y/n held tighter, not wanting to feel the ground. "Tom, I can't. I'll fall."

"Just trust me, Y/n."

"But-" She was silenced by a knowing look. Y/n nodded, although unsure of what he was planning to do. Tom proceeded to let her legs down for a moment, only to carry the other again. Her arms were wrapped around him the whole time, afraid that she might fall. He settled his arms under her and secured it to carry her weight. It was a bit hard to carry her, now that she wasn't able to lock her legs, but he didn't mind. Tom leaned in towards her and rested his forehead on hers. Soon, he swayed to the song.

"I'm waiting patiently though time is moving slow I have one vacancy and I wanted you to know that"

"I haven't had the guts to do this again, you know?" he started.

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"This. Coming back to take care of you, winning you back, Preparing this, the songs. I was scared. Not gonna lie, I am until now." he nervously chuckled.

"So sick of this lonely air It seems such a waste of breath So much that I need to say So much to get off my chest"

"Tom, I don't know where you're getting at." she admitted in defeat.

He struggled a moment to formulate the words, but nevertheless, he spoke, "I love you, okay? So damn much. God, Y/n, I never stopped, even after all these years. But, before you leave, for the next couple of hours you're in that operation room, I just really need to know, if you love me back?"

She was silent, it made Tom anxious as the time passed by. He couldn't read her eyes, what she was thinking. But a wide smile grew on her face and nodded. Tears welled in her eyes and she spoke almost like a whisper, "I've always had."

Tom lets go of the breath he didn't knew he was holding. Relief washed over him. And with no second thoughts he pressed his lips against hers, and he had never been more happy. His heart was racing and mind a bit cloudy.

"You're the one designed for me A distant stranger that I will complete I know you're out there we're meant to be So keep your head up and make it to me Make it to me"

Although taken by surprise, she returned the kiss and allowed him to enter. Y/n melted in his arms, relived to have finally felt his lips against hers again. She had never felt more love in her heart, and she was glad to have finally voice out her feelings. Her heart was beating rapidly, and it felt like it was about to explode. It was running on love, and she wasn't sure when it would stop.

She tore away from him and gasped for air but connected her forehead on his. Nose touching and her eyes trained on him. She uttered the three words he had been longing to hear for three long years.

"I love you."

She kissed him again with more passion, held him closer, and placed her hands on his cheeks. Y/n could feel her heart pump out of her ribcage and wasn't sure if it was something she should worried of or not. Moments ago, her heart felt alive, but now it felt like being crushed and pierced through by knives. It ached in pain, until it had become unbearable.

Tom noticed her becoming intense when she stopped. She gripped tightly on his jacket and started gasping, laying a palm on her chest, and breathing heavily. "I.... c-can't breathe.... Tom, can't b-breathe!!!"

Panic flashed in Tom's eyes and he could feel his heart stop. She felt weak, shaking and gasping for air. Her heart literally felt like it was going to explode! Tom sat her on the fountain and held her hand, shaking violently, hoping she would calm down. "Someone call for help!" he yelled out. Sam and Harry were quick on their feet and used the fire exit to get down as quick as possible. Zendaya took out her cellphone and quickly called Jamie to inform her of the emergency.

"Y/n, love, you're gonna be fine, okay? The twins are gonna come any moment with a nurse and a doctor." Her hand gripped his tightly and it pained Tom to see her like this. It was worse than time she pushed him away. Tears were falling on her cheeks as she kept her eyes on him to try and calm the ache in her heart. He pressed kisses on the roof of her hand and Y/n could feel hot drops of tears falling on her. "Ssshhh You'll be alright, Y/n. It's gonna be alright. I'm here, for you love."

Out from the corner, Harrison arrived with Y/n's wheelchair. "Harry and Sam are here with the nurses, along with Jamie." Tom nodded in thanks and scooped up her body, laying her on the chair and held her hand again. The elevators opened and the people in it filed out and rushed towards Y/n and Tom. Jamie was the last to come out and her eyes were read fear and worry. She gasped at the sight of her sister.

The nurse takes Y/n's wheelchair and pushed her towards the elevator. Tom followed and they rushed towards the emergency room. Although he wanted to follow her inside and make sure she was safe, the nurse stopped him at the door and told him to wait. "I have to be there, please. She might be scared."

"I'm sorry sir, but no one is allowed inside."

"Yes, I know. But I have to be there. S-she's having a panic attack or something! I have to make sure she's alright."

"Sir, we'll be doing our best to take care of your girlfriend. But you need to calm down and stay here for a while."

"No. No! You don't understand! I need to know what's happening to her! That's my girl! You have to let me in!"

"And I promise you sir, you will. But right now, we need to run some tests on her." The nurse politely excuses herself and goes back inside the emergency room. Doctors came in soon and the hallway was quiet again. The windows on the door were small, and it wasn't helping Tom's case at all. He couldn't relax without seeing her. Heavy footsteps and panting echoed in the hallway, Tom assumed it must be the others and Y/n's parents.

Tom sat himself on one of the hospital's steel chairs, hoping that it might help him calm his nerves. His hands were balled up, head hanging low, and eyes stinging with tears. He could hear Jamie crying at the other side of the hallway, worried for her sister. Meanwhile a hand patted his back, and he could see the familiar pair of sneakers that belonged to Harrison. "She'll be fine, Tom." he said in a hushed voice.

Tom only nods, although it didn't actually help that much. He knew she was strong, but he couldn't help but be worried. He sniffled and wiped his nose. He whispered words into the air hoping that someone could hear his prayers and help him and her girl.

"Please be alright. Please be alright, love."

day six of One Week

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lins-fandom-hub · 4 years

Text

HPHM Profile: Clara Lin

Template by @hogwartsmystory

Identity

Name: Clara Xing-Hui Lin (林星慧）

Gender: Female

Age: 17 as of May 31, 1990

Birth Date: April 25, 1973

Species: Human

Blood Status: (Pureblood, Half-Blood, Muggleborn)

Half-Blood? Both her parents are Muggleborn and were chosen by magical institutions to study magic.

Sexuality: Heterosexual.

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Ethnicity: Chinese

Nationality: English? She’s born in England after all.

Residence: Oxford, England

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ESTJ

The Mage

1st Wand: Acacia wood with Unicorn Hair, 12 inches, pliable

A very unusual wand wood, which I have found creates tricky wands that often refuse to produce magic for any but their owner, and also withhold their best effects from all but those most gifted. This sensitivity renders them difficult to place, and I keep only a small stock for those witches or wizards of sufficient subtlety, for acacia is not suited to what is commonly known as ‘bangs-and-smells’ magic. When well-matched, an acacia wand matches any for power, though it is often underrated due to the peculiarity of its temperament.

2nd Wand: Ebony wood with Dragon Heartstring, 11 and a quarter inches

This jet-black wand wood has an impressive appearance and reputation, being highly suited to all manner of combative magic, and to Transfiguration. Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. Frequently non-conformist, highly individual or comfortable with the status of outsider, ebony wand owners have been found both among the ranks of the Order of the Phoenix and among the Death Eaters. In my experience the ebony wand’s perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose.

Animagus: Chinese Li Hua (a type of tabby cat found in China)

Misc Magical Abilities: (Legilimen, Seer, Parselmouth, Obscurial, ect)

In the canon story, Clara is a born Legilimens, first practising the art with a wand and under Snape’s tutelage before perfecting the art on her own time without the pressure of the final Curse on Hogwarts and without a wand. It made reading the minds of her family much easier, especially when it came to how they felt about Jacob’s return and the downfall of the Lin reputation all those years ago. In a way, she tried to use it for good.

Boggart Form:

Considering that Clara’s got as many fears as the typical human being, it could take the form of knives coming her way, or a puddle of blood turning into a torrential flood around her ankles. But her biggest fear, and hence her Boggart, was hearing her friends and family say that she was hopeless, worthless, and useless. Backstabbers, to put it concisely. Her Boggart would be in the form of her friends and people she trusted coming in at her, spitting out those words she didn’t want to hear.

Riddikulus Form:

If said Boggart appears before her, Riddikulus would make their tongues all tied and saying such pure nonsense that it’d make her laugh. Why would she feel bad about imagining them affected with the Tongue Tying Curse, anyway? They’re not real.

Amortentia: (What do they smell like?)

If anyone was to smell Clara’s scent, they’d smell jasmine, burning wood, and a hint of orange juice. Okay, don’t ask about the orange juice. Something citrussy goes well with something sweet.

Amortentia: (What do they smell?)

Clara would smell petrichor, fresh linens, and an aromatic sort of wood--pine, maybe? Not sure? Something that calls her to the woods.

(*cough cough* totally not *cough* Barnaby’s *cough* scent *cough*)

Patronus:

Clara’s Patronus is a unicorn--a pure creature with a sole intent to protect, it can outrun any danger and face it head on.

Patronus Memory:

You mean her happiest memory? Seeing the stars one summer with Jacob and her little sister, Em, one summer. Feeling the close ties of her siblings was what made her happy.

Mirror of Erised:

In the past, she would have seen herself surrounded by all the people she loved, just being happy together. This image used to include Rakepick until she revealed her true colours in the Buried Vault--since then, her image had been forcefully shunned.

Following certain events in year 6 that caused Clara to lose her friend, the reflection had now changed to an image of Clara and Rowan, both sitting together and laughing together like they used to in old times. The sight of their smiles would have been enough for Clara to just sit in front of the mirror without any sense of time. If only she could have done something to save her best friend...her tree twin...

Specialized/Favourite Spells:

Reparo (and yes, she is fully aware that this does not heal a broken heart)

Incendio

Stupefy

Protego

Appearance

Faceclaim: N/A

**I haven’t thought of a face claim at all when making Clara, as she’s literally based off of me, appearance and personality wise. So we’ll say I’m her face claim? Though I’m not that comfortable allowing a picture of myself to circulate around Tumblr, so I’m going to leave this part out.

Height: 5′7″

Weight: I mean, she’s not overweight but not underweight? Does that count?

Physique: Somewhat slender figure, overall an average build

Eye Colour: Dark brown

Hair Colour: Black

Skin Tone: Pale

Body Modifications: N/A. She does wear glasses, though.

Scarring: N/A

Inventory: (what do they carry on them?)

a lucky Knut from her sister

her textbooks

her quills

her ink

two silk bookmarks

her wand

a couple pieces of miscellaneous candy

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Ilvermorny House: Pukwudgie

Affiliations/Organizations:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Gryffindor House)

Auror Office, Ministry of Magic, London

Chinese Wizarding Task Force, Beijing

Professions:

Auror

Free-lance Magizoologist

Free-lance Curse-Breaker

Free-lance pianist/musician

Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: E

Charms: O

DADA: O

Flying: E

Herbology: E

History of Magic: E

Potions: O

Transfiguration: O

Electives: Care of Magical Creatures (O), Divination (A), Arithmancy (E)

Quidditch: Gryffindor Chaser from year 3 to year 6 at Hogwarts

Extra Curricular:

Frog Choir

Music Club

Duelling Club (on occasion)

Favourite Professors:

Professor Minerva McGonagall

As Head of Gryffindor House, Clara looks up to her a lot and always turns to her for troubling issues arising. Well, it wasn’t solely based on the fact that she’s Head of Gryffindor that she felt so connected with her. She had a strict air but it was not always for the worst circumstances. In some ways she reminded her of her mom.

Professor Filius Flitwick

As Jacob really loved Professor Flitwick, Clara always tried her best to make Flitwick proud of her Charms work. In a way, though, she always felt like he was encouraging her to do her best every time, almost the same way Jacob might have if he was still present with her. Besides, Flitwick was an insightful person when it came to certain magical phenomena she didn’t understand.

Least Favourite Professors:

Professor Sybill Trelawney

There was something a little off about the way Trelawney presented herself to her Divination class, and honestly it made Clara question her legitimacy in her pursued arts. However, she did well not to question it openly, as she knew Trelanwney would do more than challenge her.

Professor Severus Snape

She knew she could trust him, but his sullen disposition still scares her and makes her very wary about him. Truly, she couldn’t find herself entrusting him with even the most serious of her secrets and problems. Nothing good would come out of their interactions, even if he did show a sliver of care for the girl.

Relationships

Brother: Jacob Pan-Hui Lin

Jacob Lin is her closest sibling and the one person she knew she would always stand by no matter what. After all, they were close when they were kids, despite him being 6 years older than MC.

In the olden days, he used to tease her a lot on her potential music career. It wasn’t bad, of course--just something for lighthearted fun.

Jacob’s known to be quite the fashionable neat wizard in his old days. He was really picky about what he wore and how his hair looked before heading out for the day. Eventually those thoughts faded away with time.

When he attended Hogwarts, Jacob was Sorted into Gryffindor.

Most of his time at Hogwarts was a mystery, but few people who came in after his expulsion knew that he wrote in a private notebook, had a chamber where he sorted all his information and gathered clues about the Cursed Vaults, and left in his wake a rather...interesting mix of emotions.

Jacob didn’t want to be a Curse-Breaker at first, but the Cursed Vaults kept luring him in that direction until he eventually accepted its calling. Well, with severe consequences, of course.

Misc Siblings:

Little Sister: Emily Wen-Hui Lin

Emily, often nicknamed little Em by the two older siblings, is 5 years younger than MC. She was very young when Jacob disappeared, thus she had very little memories of her brother.

There were only a few moments little Em could remember when her parents were actually peaceful and at ease. Most of their time, though, was spent fighting, and...well...let’s just say she tried to ease the rifts but with no luck.

When she eventually entered Hogwarts, while her older sister is in sixth year, she got Sorted into Hufflepuff, making her the only sibling in the family to be Sorted in a different house apart from both her siblings.

Upon her graduation, Em went on to become a professional herbologist and potioneer, working closely with Penny and Chiara in her endeavours

Father: Sueh-Yen Lin

Sueh-Yen was born in China and attended Mahoutokoro at the age of 7. Following the end of his magical education he began to pursue his passions in herbology in London, where he met Clara’s mother, Renee Tao. After he became a family man, he began to work as a landscaper, helping other people design and nurture their gardens both Muggle and magical. Following Clara’s fourth year, he began to work at the Ministry of Magic in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

Mother: Renee Lin (nee Tao)

Renee was born and raised in America, attending Ilvermorny and being sorted into the Horned Serpent house. While she was at school she developed an interest in psychology and the mind, and so she began to take up studies in such areas and continued to branch her studies further after her graduation. She attended a Muggle university in England then, majoring in psychology, and eventually she met Clara’s father. She began to write books for both Muggle and wizarding communities after she became a mother, her topics focusing on proper child discipline for parents. Following Clara’s fourth year, she also took up work at the Ministry of Magic, in the same department as her husband.

Love Interest: Barnaby Lee

Before Clara’s third year, Barnaby was an insignificant student whose name had been mentioned once or twice by her peers. Then she knew of him in his third year, and at first they couldn’t stand each other. At least, Clara couldn’t stand him. Eventually they warmed up to each other through an uneasy, almost awkward, interaction in the Three Broomsticks following a duel. Well, you can find all the information on their relationship here.

Best Friends: Rowan Khanna, Penny Haywood, Nymphadora Tonks, Tulip Karasu, Jae Kim, Charlie Weasley, Diego Caplan, Liz Tuttle, Badeea Ali

Rival: Merula Snyde

Enemy: Rakepick, R, Voldemort

Dormmates: Rowan Khanna, three other female Gryffindors

Pets: Clara was allowed to take Wagner (her owl) and her cat (Chopin) home after every year at school. As for the other pets in her dormitory, she would give them all to Hagrid every year before leaving Hogwarts for the summer.

Closest Canon Friends:

Rowan Khanna

Nymphadora Tonks

Penny Haywood

Tulip Karasu

Charlie Weasley

Closest MC Friends:

Sarahi Silvers (@dat-silvers-girl)

Aleksia Aries (@aleksia-aries-hogwartsmystery)

Aisilng Baskerville (@elefseija)

Helene Adler (@heleneplays)

Carewyn Cromwell (@carewyncromwell)

Kyril Vasiley (@kyril-hphm)

Cato Reese (@catohphm)

Xia Howlett (@ljthebard1)

Katriona Cassiopeia (@mcnullychaser)

Montague Donohue (@montaguehphm)

Septimus Crowe (@brothergrimm71)

That’s all for now unless you want me to add your MC to the list...

Flavio Ceccere (@sirfluffig)

Alvina Arcane-Zheng ( @oneirataxia-girl )

Background/History

Born on April 25, 1973, Clara was surrounded by love from her first cry

Okay, well, you know how it is--babies cry the instance they’re born, so don’t shun me for saying this

Clara first witnessed her parents’ occupations watching them work at home when she was young. She always loved interacting with the plants whenever she helped her dad in the family garden, and she saw her mom’s growing success with her expertise on child discipline translated into writing

When her little sister was born, Clara and Jacob both loved her dearly, but as she was too young at the time they relied on each other for many things

Clara began to take up playing the piano when she was around four years old--she first learned from a teacher just down the street for about five years, then she continued learning on her own

Her interest peaked when she was young and she saw some street musicians performing on the streets. She took up said instrument as a hobby, and eventually developed a gift for music through her education.

Clara got glasses when she was seven years old due to prolonged exposure to tiny notes on the paper. Yes, that’s a valid reason for people to get glasses. Since then, she had to go to yearly eye appointments every summer just to make sure her eyesight isn’t getting worse.

Jacob went to Hogwarts, and soon Clara saw his transformation due to his slow growing obsession with the Cursed Vaults

Eventually, when Jacob went missing in the beginning of June 1984, it was the family’s last straw

Clara’s parents both began to row over every single little thing now, leaving poor Em almost traumatized and scared of arguments

Em had been told at the time that Jacob was on vacation, thus she didn’t understand why her parents were arguing so much

Clara’s mother had resigned from writing another book after Jacob’s disappearance, having received so many negative reviews from critics (and she had been bombarded by owls with such slander)

The family gardens almost completely wilted in her father’s negligence, and had it not been for little Em the garden would have withered completely

The events of Hogwarts Mystery unfolded

Following Clara’s graduation, she began to work as an Auror in training alongside Tonks and Talbott

She and Barnaby, her love interest, got a place of their own, where they lived happily for a while

Three years into living together, Barnaby and Clara got engaged

In the summer of 1995, shortly before their initial wedding, Clara was called away for about a year and a half to China

The dark wizards expelled from Mahoutokoro have now started their own band and began to infiltrate most of China by the time Voldemort had risen once more. Clara was dispatched to Beijing, China, at her own will, and with the help of some other wizards and witches in the group they trained together and began to take down these Japanese foes

During this time, Clara stayed with her maternal grandmother (her grandfather passed away during her fifth year), occasionally visiting her paternal grandmother once in a while to make sure everything there was okay

The training with this task force was very different from her training as an Auror given the circumstances. Clara had to learn to work not only with her wand, but also in martial arts (notably taichi, taekwondo, and kung fu). She was also given a magic carpet to travel from one place to another in place of her broom.

Clara only returned to the United Kingdom when she heard of Dumbledore’s death, and attended his funeral. However, she had to return to China shortly after as the dark forces there got so strong that the task force could not hold them back without her.

Clara returned to the UK once and for all on May 1, 1998, and fought alongside her friends in the Battle of Hogwarts and survived. She married Barnaby following the end of the war, but not before they and their surviving friends first paid tribute to the fallen.

The Chinese Wizarding Task Force disbanded upon Voldemort’s fall.

They eventually had three children--Melvin and Milo (twin boys) and Sylvia--and they lived in peace ever since.

Personality

Clara’s a very well-rounded person who understands that life is all about taking risks and making mistakes along the way

Okay, well maybe one shouldn’t solely focus on making mistakes. She just acknowledges that not every person is made perfect and so she embraces everyone’s different personalities, understanding every flaw that made them who they are.

She’s analytical in many circumstances, always stepping carefully in every interaction and situation to avoid any sudden flares of attacks

She’s studious in academics, and friendly around many people, to put it in short

She won’t hesitate to help anyone, but if they knew they lied, she could never find it in her to forgive them

If someone tries to double cross her, though, she’d get really angry and wouldn’t hesitate to show her opponents how powerful she could be.

Misc

Clara’s not a very good cook. It wasn’t until her detention in fifth year when she was asked to make a simple sandwich, and from there she began to work on her rough cooking talents--almost none when she first started, and still basic when she left, but it was enough for her to sustain a simple meal.

Professor McGonagall gave Clara a room for her to practice piano at Hogwarts if things became too stressful. Not many people stumble upon this room except for one particularly curious person...

Though Clara’s dorm was decked in red, her favourite colour was actually purple. And blue. No, she couldn’t choose between the two.

Clara would always have a mug by her bedside so that whenever she had a nightmare she would make herself a mug of hot chocolate (and yes, in the middle of the night--don’t ask)

Clara could speak somewhat fluent Mandarin. She eventually continued to hone that skill when she was in Beijing working with the Chinese Wizarding Task Force.

More facts to come...

#hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery profile #hphm #hphm mc #this took me way too long #clara lin #about clara lin #hphm clara #curse breakers #cursed vaults #jacob lin #em lin #don't even ask eeeeek #please don't judge me #harry potter hogwarts mystery

39 notes · View notes

therearemorethanfivenights · 4 years

Text

Chapter 11 is up!

I’m spending my quaran-time wisely by writing about a dead teenager hunting for her killer.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11674818/chapters/56827993

I’m also working on art, some shorts about characters we’ve yet to see and a backlog of chapters for if/when I lose momentum again. Planning ahead is important, kids.

Continue reading under the cut-

It had been a fair few hours since Marie's strange episode, and she was up and about once more. Up, about, and ready to follow her first lead. "Seriously, do you think I would hide something like being the witness to a god damn murder from everyone? I'm literally designed so that I can't do that." Mangle was sat sorting through a small box of mini LEDs. She was there, she was the one who screamed and was dragged off, it was impossible for it not to have been her. "That's my point exactly! Unless it was some insane near-death vision - which it definitely was not - then you were there. Yet somehow, you don't remember a thing. That can't have been an accident!" Marie grabbed her friend's shoulders tight, startling her. The tiny bulbs scattered at her feet, some finding there way through a gap in the floor panels of her den and dropping to the floor below.

"Ifreann... what do you mean? You think someone wiped my brain? This isn't a movie Marie, and even if that was what happened, the only person who could have done that was..." She trailed off as she thought. The whole thing made more sense than she wanted to admit. If anyone had seen a crime, the criminal would want to remove the threat of them talking. So it was entirely possible that she had seen her friend's murder. By that logic, any one of the animatronics could have been a witness to or even assisted with one of the murders. But they couldn't. "Fixing our mechanisms is tricky, but doable. Rewiring a whole bunch of stuff in our brains, so to speak, is nigh on impossible. At the time of you getting shanked-" "Tactful as always." "I was the only person capable of doing anything remotely close to that. There was only one man who could have done it to such a degree of 'not-fucking-everything-else-up-as-well', and he was definitely dead by then." She finished, muttering further as she began the grueling task of tidying the bits on her floor. Marie paused. She was right, of course. Everybody knew the fate of William Afton, he had killed himself shortly after the Bite had occurred. Unless...

"What if he wasn't dead. What if he isn't."

"What?"

"William, the guy who built you. You said that he was the only one capable of fiddling with your head with that level of precision. To wipe all traces of an event without leaving a weird gap in your memory that would make you suspicious. What if he never offed himself, but just made you forget who he was... describe him for me." Marie had a hunch. "What, William? Well, he was... he was... I... I don't remember anything about him." She stopped picking at the floor. "But, he was always elusive, right? Not many people saw him and we only did during the early days. We never saw him after we were installed at the restaurant. At least... I don't think we did."

It suddenly made sense. Or at the very least, more sense than it had before today. If her theory was correct, then it would explain why, despite being walking security cameras, nobody had seen anyone suspicious. They were programmed to find everything about this guy completely normal, no matter how much creepy lurking and luring he may be doing. But while she had a plausible suspect, there was no motive. "I'm going to think on this a while. You, uh, have fun with your blinky lights." She said, handing her the closest one before floating out the door and away.

Dawn had been listening in as best she could. "Marie, not to butt in..." She emerged from the shadows beneath Mangle's den, squeezing awkwardly past various shelves. "I just wanted you to know... if I can help at all... like with all of this..." Marie smiled, trying to seem as unfazed as possible. "I know. I'm fine D, really." She continued towards the door. Dawn frowned. She didn't really understand any of this, and that bothered her. Normally if Marie had a problem she would tell her. She felt useless. "Actually..." She stopped. "Mind if I ask you something? Just wondering-" "Yes?" "Before you started here... There was a time between you and Afton right? When there was just, nobody doing repairs?" She asked. "No, I mean, yes there was nobody here. I think mostly it was just Mangle doing what she could." Dawn replied. "It's weird though, even with a robot brain, it would have taken a long time to figure out everything she has. So, before she knew what she knows... lucky there weren't any major problems, right?" She laughed nervously. "Huh."

Mike and Amy were still sifting through what information they could find on the Bite of '87. "Remember how this was just supposed to be a nice walk around to work off lunch?" Amy teased. She was enjoying their conspiracy hunt to a degree, but they'd reached an impasse a few articles back. There was the motive for murder but nothing could prove that the man was alive, let alone anywhere near the establishment at the time of the first murders. "I know." Mike was uninterested. If he wasn't here he'd be obligated to be at 'home' with his 'family'. No thanks, there had to be some way to prove him either right or wrong, either would be preferable to listening to his extended family argue about political bullcrap. And then the Puppet hovered in.

"Hey, how you feeling? I overheard something had happened. Blow a fuse?" Amy asked sympathetically. Chica came by to explain that something strange had occurred on her way to see exactly what that meant, but they were too absorbed to follow. "Yeah... something like that." Marie peered over at the screen. "So what kinda smut are you looking at?" She asked, half-joking.

"News stuff."

"So no tits? Disappointing." She sighed. Amy raised an eyebrow. "I'm kidding. Mostly. What kinda news?" "We have this theory, about our killer, but it's nothing to worry over." Mike turned the monitor to show her the current article. "I mean, it involves a locally famous suicide being faked and a cyber-child, so probably in the realm of the crazy and slash or impossible." He scrolled absentmindedly onward. Marie immediately tensed up. "Mike... Is this the case of one William Afton? Because boy-howdy do I have some interesting insight into that mess." She made an uneasy grin. Mike nodded, almost amazed. He got up from his chair and let the Puppet sit down, uncaring as to whether it would make a difference. He perched by Amy on the desk, who seemed just as stunned. "We... have the motive to believe he's the one doing this, but there's no way we could prove he's still around. If we could then maybe, but right now we've hit a wall." He explained. Marie nodded slowly.

"Funny, I have the opposite problem. I can prove he was around I think, but not why." She said. "But you might not believe the 'source' exactly."

Mangle hadn't remained in her den for long. The more she tried to think of her creator, the less she seemed to actually remember, and this was bothering her. So she decided to ask around. Crawling through the vents, she tried to think of her earliest thoughts, before she had arrived at the pizzeria. Vague memories floated around. A voice, she could remember a voice, but was it his? It was polite, asking her things, always amazed by her answers. That had to be him.

"Toy Foxy? I wanted to ask you something." He said. "You're voice is different. It used to be the one I gave you, do you remember?" He imitated a voice she barely thought her own. "But now it's something different. Why is that? Do you know what it is?" She remembers feeling pestered, but she always answered. She had to, being considerate and helpful, but she didn't feel like it at times. "It's... Irish, isn't it? I just prefer the way it sounds. It feels like... the other voice is good, but it's yours. I want this one, it sounds like me. Why? Are you offended I didn't like what you gave me? Because I'm not changing it now." She laughed. She was much happier then, if a little annoyed by the barrage of questions.

She crawled out of the vent and down into the main hall. Below, Toy Chica was sat on her phone. Everyone had seemingly scuttled away, presumably coming to terms with today's revelation, but Toychi seemed to be entirely over it. "I've seen weirder things on the internet, in case you were wondering why I haven't curled up in a corner. I can see your reflection, y'know." She said, not looking up. Mangle extended her neck as far as possible to continue the conversation. She always misjudged how high the ceiling in here was. "Hey so, how much do you remember about William?" She asked. Toychi shrugged and continued to look at her various social media feeds.

"Come on, I need to know because of reasons." She swung her face so her hair covered Toychi's vision. "Important reasons." She affirmed. Toy chica sighed and did as she was asked. "I remember he was from England. And like, he was married I think." She said, trying to push Mangle's head away. "But nothing personal? Nothing the just us, his life's work, would remember? Or even what he looked like?" "Of course I remember... huh. That's... totally not ok. I have an amazing memory, how the hell can't I remember that guy?" She immediately began searching her phone. "I remember he gave me this, maybe I took pictures," she switched to the internet, "Google knows everything, maybe they have a picture!" She was becoming increasingly distressed. "Mangle! What the fuck does this guy look like?!" She cried.

At this point, Toy Freddy had emerged from backstage. "What the heck are you yelling about now? Is anyone else secretly a ghost?" He wasn't feeling up to any more ghost shenanigans. However, this didn't seem like something he could ignore, given the frantic pace at which Toy Chica had begun waving him over. "What colour hair did William Afton have?!" She asked, still aggressively applying as many advanced search keywords as possible. "What? How the heck would I know?" He responded. She barely acknowledged this, still scouring her device. Mangle clambered not-so-gracefully down from the ceiling. "Was he fat, or thin? What colour were his eyes? Did he have freckles? We should know, man, but we don't! Why?!" Toychi dropped her phone into her lap with a small thud before burying her face in her arms on the table.

"I mean, yeah, that is a little unusual. Maybe it's a glitch? Or maybe we just don't remember? Ten years is a long time." He sat beside her. It was strange but surely there were more important things happening than trying to remember one man. "A glitch for all of us? And I have over a thousand people's names, faces, birthdays, favourite flavours of ice-cream... We can't forget things, not really, not unless we delete things ourselves." Came a slightly muffled reply.

"Ok, but why does he even matter. He made us then dropped off the face of the earth, big deal." He said. He was actually quite interested in helping find out just how exactly someone had removed all traces of themselves from their minds, as William no doubt had done, and why, but Toychi was in hysterics and he wasn't prepared to encourage her.

All the while, Mike continued to compile his resources. Marie decided it'd be best to let him handle things. She felt a little bad since as it was, everyone else was cleaning up this mess that she was at the center of, yet she was just idly floating around and keeping as far from it all as she could. Aside from the notes she'd been compiling, it was all down to the others. But she was far too tired to deal with anything more. She ducked into the arcade and flopped haphazardly into her box once more. She stared into the darkness, admiring herself. She had done fairly well, all things considering.

"Why me though?" She asked aloud. It was an interesting question. From Mike's debrief, she knew who had killed her. At least, she thought she knew, because she was an outlier. The other victims were all connected. All were friends of Michael's older brother, William's nephew he'd taken in according to what little she remembered about her brother's friend's family. Then there was Alex, who could possibly have been a part of the group that hurt Michael. He wasn't, but William couldn't have known.

So why? She remembered the basement, the safe room. But that made no sense either. She was smarter than that, she watched horror movies all the time. How in the world could a total stranger have lured her into the basement of the Pizzaria?

Then she saw it.

It was a gift box, very like the one she now resided in. Aside from its sudden appearance, it could have been mistaken for a completely ordinary wrapped box. Something a child could have left for her or forgotten before closing the other day. It was Christmas after all. "Alright then." She said. Maybe she'd overlooked it, she wasn't exactly thinking straight. "Happy Hannukkah, me." She picked up the box. It wasn't small at all, yet it barely weighed anything. There was a small tag hanging from the bow. She squinted to read what it said, "You are not alone. If you awaken them, they will help you find him. They will help you hunt him. They will grant revenge... Ok, this is some weird shit." She dropped the box on the floor.

"Revenge is for losers anyway." She laughed through her nose, amused by the idea that she'd want revenge. Really, she just wanted this guy found and dealt with for the sake of others, for Alex. She eyed the box with suspicion. "What does it mean, 'they'. Other kids? The ones from before?" That made sense. It didn't make any sense at all because this was all insane, but then again she was a ghost so she was already pushing her own beliefs. "Maybe..." Against her better judgment, she picked the box up again.

"Maybe I should let them out. Or bring them back with this thing, whatever it's for. I mean, if these are the other kids... what harm could they do, right? If they're vengeful I can stop them, I'm more powerful. I think." She wondered exactly how powerful she was. Enough to put a stop to some stupid toddler tantrums. She grasped the ribbons on the lid of the box. She tried once more to recall what happened the night of her death, secretly hoping that she wouldn't need this supernatural pandora's box to fix this if it even could.

It was the eve of Halloween, the eve of her birthday. "God, and then he just gets up as if nothing had happened." She was hanging around the alley beside the pizzeria, "Hey, mind letting me in on those?" She referred to the box of cigarettes in Vincent's hand. "These things kill you know." He said but still offered her one. He hadn't been ok since the Bite had happened. It was weird the place was open so quickly after such a massive accident, but it was probably something to do with corporate greed or whatever. She was more concerned about her friend.

"Look, you need to take time off. I couldn't give any less of a shit what your boss says, this place should be shut for the rest of the year and you need help." She brought a cigarette to her lips and lit it. A terrible habit for a kid, she knew, but she was running out of legal ways to stave off stress. She sighed a long trail of smoke as he shrugged at her. "Don't shrug, you know I'm right." She said, resting her hand on his shoulder. He brushed it away dejectedly and continued to stare at the floor.

"No offense Marie... but you don't know jack shit about what's going on right now. You don't know anything and you never will. You can't." He glared at her. Something was definitely off. His voice kept faltering, changing almost. Like his whole person was just an act. It scared her. But she thought she understood. "Just focus on keeping yourself safe, ok?" He tried to smile at her. She was a child, of course, there was no way she'd understand how this worked. Vincent sounded almost like her father, in a terrible sort of way, but it was fine. They'd both suffered, he was trying to push her away for both of them. She understood that.

Her face that night was a mess of make-up and grime. She'd looked for hours but he was gone. Her throat burned from trying to make her voice heard over the crowds of kids rushing to and fro. Nothing mattered anymore. Her parents, of course, blamed her. And for once, they were right, everything was her fault. But even now, as her mother wailed into her father's lap, as her father retold what they knew to his fellow police officers, she was going to fix this. She slid her window open and climbed outside. She clutched the only thing that seemed to bring any comfort, a doll of the Puppet, a gift from Vincent for her birthday last year. She hurried to the bus-stop. There was only one bus this late, she'd be walking home, but it didn't matter. She hopped on and dropped a large handful of change through the tiny gap.

Getting in was easy. Vincent taught her a trick with the back door into parts and services. "Alex?" She cried softly into the darkness. She wished she had a torch, this place was much creepier in the dark. She stumbled through the small warehouse. "Alex?" She was trying to be as loud as possible and as quiet as possible, she knew there'd be a guard on duty and the police could get here soon. She felt a little less concerned about the guard, she'd met Scott once and he seemed like a nice enough person, but he'd also likely call her parents.

"Alex?" Her voice echoed through the corridors. Eventually, she found herself in the arcade. She pushed her back against the wall and slid to the floor. This was it. Alex was gone forever. "Marie? Oh my god Marie what are you doing here?" Vincent's voice. He flashed a light through the door and approached her spot. "You! Where were you! He's gone, he's gone, it's your job to stop this stuff!" She kicked at his shins. "I'm sorry..." She began to sob again. Vincent knelt by her and offered his hand. "It's ok, we'll find him. Follow me." He said. She sniffed and cleaned her face as best she could.

They slowly made their way through the halls, checking every inch for any sign of Alex. "What are you even doing here, I thought Scott worked nights?" She asked, checking under each table for any scrap of evidence. Vincent handed her the torch. "Switched shifts. Work keeping me focused, you know?" "Like, focused on anything special, or focused on not..." "I said you know, didn't I? Got to keep going." He looked around. "I'm going to head back to the office, maybe some security footage will help. Think you can check the other rooms yourself?" He tossed her the keys and headed off before she even replied.

It'd been some time. What was he doing? She began heading towards the office. A door. Staff only. Maybe...

Stairs. Cold. Pain.

"No."

Marie stared at the box. William was a sure fit for everything, but he'd need access to the security footage to delete any evidence, and he had no idea who Marie was. She'd stumbled on Alex's body, sure, but how would he have known she was there if he was just popping in to murder a child then leaving again. He'd have to have been in the building, in the office to watch where she went. "No." He'd have to be working in the pizzeria, with an alias as a cover. "No." He would have to have been someone that she trusted, and who trusted her as much. "No. No that's ridiculous."

Michael used to call Vincent 'dad'. How did he know how to help Mangle and Dawn? Scott always seemed like Vince was his superior when he wasn't. He could always somehow buy her all sorts of nice things on pittance pay. Henry's kids own the place, yet they let Vincent get away with things anyone else could be fired on the spot for. He could mimic voices so well, was it such a stretch to say is 'real' voice was a fake too? Things she'd never questioned before suddenly seemed to pile up. He first talked about doing everything themselves, keeping the police and the victim's families as far away as possible. But he would never hurt her, he cared about her, he was her best friend.

Then, without her meaning to, the bottom of the box tumbled to the floor, the top still stuck in Marie's grip. The arcade machines flashed violently as a group of masks resembling the cast's old animal heads appeared, much like her own. They fizzled into small balls of light, then vanished. A message appeared on one of the cabinet screens. 'Give gift', it read. 'Give life', it read. Marie let the lid join the rest of the box on the floor. The screens went black again and left her in the dark.

"Oh no."

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #ThereareMorethanFiveNights #TAMTFN #Chapter 11 #of part 1

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siennaposts · 3 years

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Molly Malware (Assignment 3) - Development

After our group was decided and we discussed our strengths and availabilities, We went through Jase’s prototype and discussed where we could potentially improve the content and add content. Jase had a well thought out concept and storyline already so we decided to stick firmly to that but clarify and refine what our goals were with the next iteration.

Fullerton said in chapter 13 that “a developer’s goal is to produce the highest quality game within the limits of its resources and budget.” When choosing what things we wanted to change/improve/add to the original prototype, we had to consider many things that may affect the final version. This was things such as time, skills, and the engine gdevelop. After making 3+ prototypes I felt pretty confident with making a solid prototype in a few days if I worked really hard. For the video and documenting and analysing part of the report, I was a little more hesitant, however I knew I could rely on my team to help out when I needed it.

The original prototype was entertaining and intriguing for players, however it lacked enough content to really show players what the game was about. This was a narrative styled game with very little narrative context for players. We knew this was something we wanted to achieve with our new version. In the original prototype, players weren’t given firm objectives which left the players unsure of what to do and where to go. This was to be worked into the in game script so that players felt like they had a purpose and a task to fulfil. One major flaw in the original prototype was that when you fell, nothing was there to catch you, you just fell until someone restarted the game. Though this is an easy fix, without it, it can be detrimental to a play-through. The art style was already good, however we wanted to incorporate a more animated feeling to the game, so we wanted to change/add some art designs. We also wanted to add music to further develop the immersion and entertainment for the player. After going over what we thought would be good changes/additions to the game, we asked Jase to write the vision of the game as he understood the most what he wanted to see from the game after the first prototype. We then began to construct our gannt chart, deciding who was to do what parts and a guesstimate of the appropriate amount of time to be spent on each task. When making this, we had to keep in mind the deadline given to us. We had to ensure that all time was allocated wisely and we were not going to be rushed at the end due to the lack of organisation.

Then we began.

The first thing we wanted to get sorted before actually implementing anything into the prototype, was writing a script. This script would help me understand the storyline Jase had in mind and would allow me to easily replicate statements written on the script into the game. This script took a number of days to be made, however once everything was settled we were then able to crack down on the prototype.

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Initially it was planned that Jase, Sienna C and I would divide working on the prototype fairly evenly and same with the playtesting report. However, we realised that perhaps this wasn't the most strategic thing to do, so I decided that I would make the prototype on my own, playing at my strengths. This would work well for Sienna C and Jase anyways as Jase would work on art and music and Sienna C could do a fair amount of the report. The video would be made afterwards so we weren’t too worried about that for the time being. Jase quickly made up a few images of files using the new animated art style so I could begin. I started with the start up (Menu) screen which had a few different buttons that you could interact with, as it can be seen below.

In the settings scene, I made volume, brightness and difficulty options. The volume was reasonably easy to make with a pre-made function in gDevelop made ready to go, so it was only a matter of linking it up to the buttons and moving the slider along the bar. I added the difficulty option with a coming soon sticker over the top just to entice players with potential further iterations in future, however nothing has been planned at this stage. I did struggle with the brightness however as I was unsure how to create this. I found different effects that were interesting to play around with but none of these worked with the brightness filter I had in mind. I figured I would leave it until I finished working on other parts and I could come back. Unfortunately although I figured out a way I could create the brightness, I didn’t have time to implement this before playtesting. I was going to put a global pitch black layer over the game and depending on the percentage of brightness the players wanted, the opacity of the layer would change. This can be included in future iterations. I also created a basic back button taking the player back to the main menu scene. I added a little robot running off the page an aesthetic little touch to the game.

The next page I made was the load game scene, this was pretty straight forward also, with button sprites and text numbering each saved button. I had the buttons change animation when pressed to show the players which button is selected. The continue button when pressed would take you to the loading scene just for the sake of this prototype. In future iterations, a saved progress file would need to be selected in order to proceed. Although the little red cross in the corner would be the way you would exit a textbox like this in real life, for the game I decided to make it so that players could press anywhere outside of the box for it to close.

Next I made the new game scene, which required a little more coding than the others. This included hiding/showing text on a timer, the buttons that would change text depending on what is selected and what is written into the input, and the little animated sprites on the side. So, how this would work is that players would interact with the flashing text that would say ‘INSERT NAME’ and this would take you to the input name scene. I made this scene by duplicating the new game scene but changed the box in front so that players were entering a name into a new box on top of the new game box. When writing the input, this would save to a global variable so I can display it in the new game page. So once the player press continue after inputting the name would change to ‘NAME’ and the flashing would stop. Then when selecting what number save button they wanted, the button animation would change to the pressed down (like in load game) and the text would change to the global variable. This worked effectively in my opinion and I was more than happy with the results.

Next was the loading scene which was easier and just had a molly sprite running back and forth with the ‘loading...’ modifying on a timer. After 10 seconds the ‘loading...’ text would change to ‘Ready to play’ and a continue button would pop up. When specifically making this scene, I had to “keep in mind that you are not creating the design document for its own sake— your objective is communication, so do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal.” (Fullerton, 2018). Although nothing was actually loading in the scene I wanted to replicate and communicate to the player that this would be when the game would set up the gameplay before jumping in.

Then it would go onto the game play. Its worth mentioning that the text used was downloaded and I layered green and purple to match the glitchy/animated aesthetic. I also used the same colours as the main logo. With all of what I spoken about so far in the production in Gdevelop, I just had a bit of fun with it trying to simulate to a normal computer desktop but add small touches that made it unique to the game specifically.

At this stage I realised I was going to be making the whole prototype so I began the long haul. I got the background all set up with the art Jase sent and read through the script. After gaining an understand of what he wanted, I started making the game. I initially made it so that Larry was walking around talking and Molly was following him around the screen, but when I asked for feedback he knew I must’ve read the script wrong. So I had to start again :( which wasn’t fun but I just kept going.

Fullerton mentioned in chapter 14 that “the goal in this stage is to execute on the functional vision established during preproduction.” I was starting to worry that I would run out of time to make the whole prototype within the time frame allocated. I did have to decide which parts of the narrative I would cut out, keeping in mind that I only had to give insight to the player of what our vision was rather than creating the whole game. I had to also make sure that what I did cut wouldn’t affect the overall story to the point where players felt that part of the narrative was missing. After some time of reading through the script, I cut out one whole scene after the introduction and before the Wordcount level. I feel this was wise and wouldn't hinder the experience for the player.

Once I figured out how I wanted to display everyone on the screen, I started making the first level scene introduction with Larry. This wasn’t too tricky, I just had a timer for the whole scene where Larry’s text box would modify throughout the time. This whole introduction level actually had 4 duplicated then edited scenes throughout because I didn’t think about hiding/showing objects depending on the scene timer, but if i were to do it again, I would make the level one large scene.

Once the player was able to move and the instructions were apparent on screen, I also created an objective box at the top. The player was able to move around and and climb up ladders before entering the password files document.

The documents scene was split into only two scenes however I think I could've made it into one scene using the showing/hiding objects using a scene timer. So in this level, Larry and Molly meet Dr Menth, which means that a large narrative portion would occur. I decided to allow Molly’s character to move around in this level whilst the talking was happening so that players had the opportunity to explore. This meant that I had to create all of both Larry’s and Dr Menth’s textbox, text and sprite to be centred around molly’s character, staying in screen. This was a pain as I wanted to get the exact positions right and it took a lot of trial and error, but I got there in the end. Implementing the text with the timers didn’t take too long, but then I realised the script didn’t actually have any objective after the narrative portion. I knew players would want a taste of doing some sort of activity, after all, we were attempting to make a puzzle-solving narrative game, so I decided to create a new objective/challenge. A number of robots would spawn, swapping animations on a random range timer. Players would have to interact and press E to delete them, saving Dr Menth’s home and fitting in with the narrative. I created another box in the top right to show how many robots would be left using a scene variable for each time the robot was deleted, -1 from the variable. Once the variable went to 0, the end scene would come up thanking for playing the prototype.

In terms of the game music and sound fx, I downloaded royalty free lofi music to put in the beginning menu scenes. This took a little bit of time, finding a nicely fitting song and finding the setting that would allow it to play through multiple scenes but stop once gameplay would begin. All sound effects used were also free downloads. This also took a fair amount of time to find some fitting ones, however in future iterations I would try find less abrupt and repetitive sounds. I just used 2 for Larry and Dr Menth and rotated back and fourth between the sounds. The sound effects for deleting the robots was fitting and I think it worked well.

This was an exhausting but rewarding prototype as I learnt a lot about gDevelop and pushed its capabilities.

gdev mechanics for game:

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Fullerton, Tracy. Game Design Workshop : A Playcentric Approach to Creating Innovative Games, Fourth Edition, CRC Press LLC, 2018. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/qut/detail.action?docID=5477698.

#gdev

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notyetjaded1 · 7 years

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1-117 :) please answer all of them

omg.

don’t mind me as i just use this as an excuse not to stare at my own face until i go to sleep

previously asked questions here & here!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

Oooooh. The state of the world and politics and equality issues, figuring out my life purpose and real abilities, why I always have the inspiration to film at the most inopportune moments, and fucking taxes, man.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Actually…yes! Sometimes! People are super cute.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no. Not in the slightest. And yet here I am, sharing my life on social media and video. Constantly. Weird.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Sleeping. Because I’m secretly 80 years old. Don’t judge me.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

No one. Because I don’t get drunk outside of definitely safe spaces. Because I’m paranoid af and, as we just discerned, do not trust people. 8: Are you close with your dad?Relatively, yeah! :D9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?Lol, nope, sadly not. Been a little while now, actually? When did I film that Q&A…? 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?Water. Because I’d like to survive as a semi-healthy human being. And water is fucking good. 12: Do you like hickeys?Giving or receiving? Giving, fuck yes. Again, I’m a literal vampire who likes biting people far more than I should. Receiving. Ehhhhh. It’s a weird mix of, hey, I like the aesthetic of bruises and all that other pseudo-grunge bullshit and, hey, I don’t like the idea of other people having their physical mark on me. So. Yay. 13: What time do you go to bed?Fuck me, too late. I say as I try to get in bed between 9 pm and 11 pm because I have to be awake at 4:45 am to get ready for work and I know that I am constantly tired. It used to be closer to bewteen like 11 pm and 1 am in my college days and I fucking miss it because I used to be so much more productive, fuck. 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Kind of? Yeah, I feel like there are people that I have high hopes and expectations for and yet…they never seem to be able to live up to them. Because there’s a horrid mismatch between their goals and the steps they think they need to take to achieve them. Vague. I know. And yet. But at the same time, when there’s evidence to suggest I shouldn’t trust someone with certain things, I do tend to lower my expectations so they can’t let me down, so there’s that. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?Nope, not at all! I am very right handed. 16: Do you always answer your texts?hahaha, no, I’m the worst. I try to get to them within a certain amount of time. But like. I really am the worst with social interactions. I apologize in advance for being a shit human being. 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?Nope. Because I have no idea who that would be. 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?How many times have I now seen/watched Jack play Undertale and how the fuck does his screaming help me fall asleep?? 21: Is anyone else in the room with you?Not at the moment! 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?Not in the karma kind of way; at least not really. Like, self-fulfilling prophecies, sure. You create your own expectations and then either that makes them happen or it makes you on the look out for it. But I do think if you behave a certain way, it’s bound to bite you in the ass. 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?Not in the slightest. Four months ago fucking sucked, man. All of the family stuff going on + existential crises (literally, could not function, was so anxious) about school + do I/don’t I continue youtube, and all the world bullshit? Yeah, no. 2016? Was not a good time in my life. 25: In the past week, have you cried?I’m not even kidding, I was about a breath away from crying when I saw snow in Denmark. I’m emotional, okay. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?Currently? Surprisingly enough, navy blue. 27: Do people ever call you by your last name?Nope! Thankfully not! 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?LMFAO probably. 29: Do you have a best friend?One best friend? Nah. Really close friends who I adore and appreciate. Absolutely. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?…yes because I’m secretly a very jealous and insecure person. 31: Who was your last call/text message from?@dreams–die–today!33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yup. 3 of the…4?? people. 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?Um. Hm. twenty…six…? seven…..? we talked about it and I literally have the worst memory. Sorry. 35: How many more days until your birthday?191. Apparently. 36: Do you have any summer plans yet?Hopefully start a new job!! But we shall see!

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?Very much so. :) 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?Not necessarily keeping things? Like. Not secrets really. They just never really came up? 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?Anyone? Not that I can really think of? 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?Nope, can’t say I have. 41: Do you think age matters in relationships?I mean, yes, to the extent of legality, consent, maturity, and power hierarchies. 42: Are you available?In…what…way? Emotionally? No? Schedule wise? There is nothing on my calendar for 10pm on a Tuesday night? 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?Real, strong feelings in what way??? 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?I spent my entire middle and high school life wanting lip piercings. Hardcore wannabe emo kid right here. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends?Absolutely. I think if things ended well and consensually and whatnot, you do you. :) 46: Do you regret anything?LMFAO YES. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?Literally too much. Should I be on YouTube, video ideas (anxiety v depression, inspiration v self-criticism, etc.), school, suicide prevention job opportunities, research, clinical work, social mishaps, etc. etc. etc. my mind is a joyous place to live. that’s a lie. 48: Did you ever lose a best friend?Not like…passing away kind of lose, but I have had best friends that I am no longer friends with. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake?Nah, I enjoyed myself. 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?Because…I don’t actually want a relationship? Plus define like? Plus again, that social anxiety thing. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?I…don’t…think so?52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?Literally messaging them right now. 53: What was the last thing you ate?I had some green juice thing? Hello, yes I am from LA, how could you tell? 54: Did you get any compliments today?YES BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ON TUMBLR MAKE MY HEART SING. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation?Las Vegas, I think? For Backstreet Boys! 56: Do you own anything from other countries?My brother just brought home wine from Israel, does that count? 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?I think I have a pretty good/even mix of both! 58: Where have you lived most of your life?Los Angeles. Or the surrounding cities. For all my life. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive?Vegas, a few months ago. :) 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?Once. I was in elementary school. Nothing happened. And then never again after that. 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?Nope! That would be quite rude! 62: Who do you text the most?Lately?? I actually don’t know?? 63: What was the last movie you saw?Moonlight! 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?The fact that they don’t exist?? 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?….one? I think one? Was that 2011……? Fuck, I should ask. I literally don’t recall. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?Nope, they’re not! 67: Do you curse around your parents?Yes, because I literally cannot help it. Don’t let me around small children. 68: Are you happy with where you live?Sure, relatively. Especially lately since there’s been actual rain! 69: Picture of yourself?http://shaynainshambles.tumblr.com/tagged/my-face70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?I think both. Which is weird. I like the intimacy of monogamous relationships and I’m a very jealous person? But also like…I like open-ended relationships because intimacy with many people, please yes. 71: Have you ever been dumped?I actually have not. 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?Um. Yes? Again, that 2/4 people being fwb thing. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?the other because I’m a socially awkward fucking mess. 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?I like hair. Also collar bones. Also arms. Also smile and eyes. And everything. People are just very pretty. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?@dreams–die–today, I think?? 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?Nope! 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?Nope!! 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?Jack-motherfucking-septiceye. You all. Literally, you all. getting asks and comments and building a community of human beings. helping people. psychology/inspiring mental health awareness and advocacy and integration. etc. etc. etc. 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?I feel like that has happened more recently than ever before or ever imagined…82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?About never, actually? 83: Do you miss your last sweetie?Um….what? 84: Last time you slow danced with someone?lmfao 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?I…think…so…? technically…? briefly??? Idk. I literally don’t know. 86: How can I win your heart?Oh, let me count the ways…figure it out ;p 87: What is your astrological sign?Leo! 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?Sleeping…89: Do you cook?I mean, if I had to, I could learn, but nope. I can steam vegetables, I am set! 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?Technically? I often do not talk to my “old flame” for months at a time, but that’s pretty much the usual for us. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?I really prefer the multiple close relationship thing. Idk, about dating. Dating is weird. But. Yeah, I think time and making sure you enjoy each other’s company is good before just like…committing.93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?I don’t really. I really am finding myself far more interested in people after I start getting to know them as human beings. Like, physical attraction is great and yes, absolutely a thing. but if I’m interested in them any more than something pretty, I get invested based who they are, etc.? The more you know. 94: Name four things that you wish you had!Money, self-confidence, a supportive and engaged community, the ability to be successfully mindful and productive when I want to be. 95: Are you a player?In what way……? 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?I….don’t think I have? 97: Are you a tease?Tad bit. Maybe. yes. sorry not sorry. I kind of love it. It’s fun to be flirty and tease and shit, man. 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?Not yet! 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?Not like…happily ever after kind of idea of love. But I do deeply care about people. 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?Absolutely. Ya’ll are fucking lovely. 101: Hugs or Kisses?Mmmmm. Do kisses with hugging involved count? 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?Very much so. Hello. 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Hair. 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?Can be? I think it’s just a term of endearment. Which I’ve started doing, so who am I to comment. 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?No??? That’s not okay?? Unless there was consent from all parties involved being like…yes, I am aware and in full, enthusiastic support of this. 106: Do you flirt a lot?Hello, as I’ve said, flirting is my horrible way of connecting with people and stress relief. I’m sorry. If it does bother anyone at all or make them uncomfortable at any point, please do tell me and I will not do it. 107: Your last kiss?happened?? at some point?? 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?Nope, have not. 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?Yes? I think it was less than a month ago? 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?@51centurywoman and/or @thelootqueen because ya’ll are fucking incredible ;p 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?Uh. I have an assumption but who knows? 112: Does someone like you currently?Apparently?????????????????113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?I have many feelings for people constantly. 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?Serious flings. 115: Ever made out with just a friend?Glowing endorsement for fwb currently, yes. 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?I’m honestly not that reliant on relationship status? I really like having people i can have fun with and be intimate with and just like..enjoy and have them enjoy. that makes me beyond happy. 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.Opening the floor to you folks: any other questions? also, what kind of content do you like to see/hear? Also, tell me something positive that happened to you today! Let’s take a moment to focus on the good. :)

#ask #Anonymous

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drink-n-watch · 4 years

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“Looking at anime eyes” sounds kind of creepy. As if I’m sitting in a café somewhere, wearing a nondescript raincoat and looking over the edge of a newspaper to catch a glimpse of an anime character’s eyes… The nerdiest peeping tom, Yup that’s me…

I won’t blame any of you for not knowing that I’m actually referring to one of my Pinetrest boards called anime eyes. I mentioned it months ago in my Pinterest journey posts and promised that I would eventually try to figure out some patterns in there.

It’s a bit hard to really do that though. Anime characters’ eyes are in fact as different as real people eyes varying a lot in shape and colour and when you look at them out of context like that, it just becomes a jumble of irises and lashes. Ok that sounds creepy again. It’s almost like writing a post focusing of disembodied eyeballs has something inherently creepy about it. How odd.

Because I give too much importance to colours, the first thing I did was to divide the eye caps I got by colour. I should mention, except for a few fan art exceptions, the 850 or so pins I have in there are all screencaps I’ve taken while watching shows. As such, there is an issue of biased sample here. Namely, I’m going by the eyeballs of anime characters in shows that interested me enough to watch. I have a pretty varied taste mind you but it’s still not a completely neutral representation.

Colour wise I have noticed that more recent shows do tend to feature yellow/amber/golden eyes a lot more than older series I have been watching. This may be a new trend to look out for. It’s still pretty unusual for now though. What was surprisingly common is red or pink eyes, and mostly red. Not just for evil or possessed characters either. Red as a “normal” eye colour. I think it may in fact be meant as an extreme variation of brown and it can in fact look rather mundane which is impressive. There are some very interesting looking red costume contact lenses but I’ve never tried them out.

However, the number one most common eye colour in anime (that I have watched…) is…. drum roll please…. cast your votes… blue. Yep, just blue. And if you were to throw purple in there then it would just overwhelm any other colour. That’s how frequent it is. Now blue is in fact the second most common eye colour in real life. Heck it’s my eye colour. We can simply assume that a super common eye colour is simply translating into a super common eye colour in art but I don’t think we can completely disregard geography here.

I’m not sure if it’s because blue eyed folks aren’t that interesting, but there really aren’t that many tropes associated with the trait. The most promising lead I have is the “evil or occult eye”. As in the talismans or amulets. You know those blue eye thingies.. wait let me just find one. This:

Evil eyes are part of very old and very widespread mysticism, and they are always blue.

Since the evil eye was mostly prominent in the Mediterranean and West Asian cultures, it’s been long believed that xenophobia had a role to play in the choice of colour. Most people from those cultures do not have blue eyes however the colour is conventional enough that you can easily imagine most people would have seen someone with blue eyes. A completely unnatural colour would have been more unnerving and striking but the choice of a possible eye colour changes things up a little. And there have been historical cases of bullying or shumming people in certain parts of the world because the had blue eyes and were therefore “cursed.

There is also long held connections between the colour blue as well as blue gems like lapis lazuli, and magic. So that might have played into it but evil eye talismans are often colours glass.

I should warn you, you are about to be completely dazzled by my anime knowledge! Whoa!!! So a lot of anime is created in Asia! I know you might need a second to digest l this new information. Specifically in Japan although we are seeing productions get outsourced to Korea and China more often. And traditionally, that’s a culture with fairly low blue eyed population. I should mention that although blue is the second most common eye colour, brown eyes do make up about 79% of the world’s population. So that number 2 spot is in fact less than 10%. In all likelihood, an average japanese high school wouldn’t have more blue eyed students. Or any high school for that matter. So in relation to real life or common demographic experience, those blue eyes are out of the ordinary in anime.

I don’t think that the blue eyes in anime are a form of xenophobia. If anything it might be the opposite. But I d think they are a way to distinguish a character as “special” or “different” without making them “alien”. Those blue eyes stand out and set them aside from the crowd but not completely beyond the realm of the relatable.It’s normal enough that you won’t necessarily even notice it but if you do, you now that one character is different than the others.

Since characters that get their very own spaghetti western style eye close ups are pretty much always part of the main cast (or at east leading antagonists), it stands to reason that those would be the characters marked as special by their design. Tis said, I’m only looking through my board here, I should try to pay closer attention to the eye colours of mob characters. Do they even have eye colours or are their eyes just black?

By the way, in my opinion, when isolated from the other features, pink eyes are the creepiest. I know they often go with adorable girls and when you see the entire character it’s really quite cute. By itself though, for some reason, pink eyes freak me out. A lot more than red ones. Maybe that’s just a me thing.

I also want to throw little random observation here. I wanted to discuss eye shapes at well but those are extremely varied. The one thing that did strike me is that when the image is focused entirely on the eye, I can’t tell the bad guys from the heroes. I thought for sure the shape would be a giveaway but it seems that it has more to do with facial proportions, placement and eyebrows than I thought. In fact even gender can get a little tricky to guess.

Do you have a fascination with anime eyes like me? Please say yes, I don’t want to be the only weirdo!

A Few Things I’ve Noticed Looking At Anime Eyes "Looking at anime eyes" sounds kind of creepy. As if I'm sitting in a café somewhere, wearing a nondescript raincoat and looking over the edge of a newspaper to catch a glimpse of an anime character's eyes...

#anime #color theory #Pinterest

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tmtht · 6 years

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If you’ve read my blog or follow me on social media I’m sure you’ll have figured out that I love wildlife and nature. Little in life brings me as much enjoyment as being out in the countryside surrounded by nothing more than birdsong and animals. Photographing it is a bonus. It makes my day job almost bearable and if I had unlimited funds that would be gone in a heartbeat!

It therefore won’t come as a surprise to you that when Bob Smith of Nature Nuts told me about an off-grid cabin – The Hideaway on the Bamff Ecotourism Estate overlooking beaver ponds my interest was instantly piqued. I looked it up online and made a mental note to book for the summer.

Beavers have fascinated me for some time. One of my initial reasons for going to Aigas was the hope of seeing some of theirs, but even being in the hide for sunrise most mornings, and dusk too on all 3 visits I failed to see any at all. I then spent an evening with Bob and we had one very short sighting of a swimming beaver before it disappeared.

I read Jim Crumley’s excellent book on the return of the beavers (Nature’s Architects, The Beaver’s Return to Our Wild Landscapes – worth a read if you’re interested, Jim’s one of my favourite nature writers), and I’ve seen many programmes featuring them. The way they manage the land and create homes and living areas is awe-inspiring. Therefore the thought of spending a few nights watching these incredible animals seemed too good to be true! I chose early June because the nights are short and it worked out well. Only issue was the grass which was already quite high. If you’re thinking of visiting (based on personal experience and the visitor book) to see the beavers there’s no real point before May, as it’ll be too dark. But go much later than I did and the grass will obscure them out of the water (although you might see the kits which I was a little too early for).

I approached my stay in the cabin with a little trepidation. I stayed almost off-grid at The llicit Still cabin at Aigas which was a wonderful experience, but it was considerably larger and better equipped with everything other than refrigeration. I needn’t have worried though. Although definitely more basic this cabin was very comfortable. Small, yes, with kitchen facilities comprising only of a camping stove. No running water but there was solar electricity which powered lovely fairy lights, spotlights and 2 USB ports (the cabin description doesn’t mention those, so other than the fact I invested in a power-block for charging my phone in advance this was an added bonus). The bed, made out of beaver felled wood was super comfortable and there’s a wood-burning stove although it was so warm and muggy I had no need for this. There’s an outside (but enclosed and heated) shower and a short walk to a composting toilet. Fair to say my diet was appalling as I wasn’t entirely sure what I would be able to cook + no refrigeration is limiting, but I didn’t starve!

From the cabin there is the sound of many birds singing and calling. Some are easy on the ear, others (the pheasant) not so much.

Two treecreepers work the trees as well as various tits and a male great spotted woodpecker. Lovely to awaken to the sound of birdsong (and, not quite so lovely, buzzing beasties).

The cabin looks out on one of the beaver pools.

This family of beavers tend to base themselves at the top by the road where they have their lodge and have built a dam, or further down river where there are extensive, and recent, evidence of building works. I walked down there on the Saturday morning and was blown away by what they had achieved.

Equipment-wise I started off using my Nikon D610 with Nikkor 300mm F4 lens, but during the first evening switched to the Tamron 150-600mm. It’s a slower lens but has longer reach. From the Saturday morning onwards I used the Nikon D500 to give me even greater reach (max 900mm). This was a gamble as the D500 is not as good in low-light and paired with the Tamron was not the best for evening/early morning photography. However, I used a monopod and manual exposure trying to keep the ISO as low as possible (admittedly that often meant 5000!) and shutter down to 1/60 at times. Sharp images are still achievable if the animals are photographed when static – all lessons I learned whilst photographing pine martens at Aigas on the photography masterclass.

Friday evening I sat opposite the lodge and was treated to a couple of hours of, I think, two beavers. One it seems is the mother who will almost certainly have young kits in the lodge, so was patrolling the area, swimming round in circles, and a younger one who mostly grazed on the grass on the opposite bank. Wonderful to watch them so close. In the water they look a bit like teddy bears and on land like giant, flat tailed rats (they are members of the rodent family so that makes sense!)

Photographs of the grazing beaver were tricky due to the long grass and the fact it tended to eat with its back to the pools. But I took a few before the light faded.

I also saw an otter very briefly, but we spotted each other at the same moment and it disappeared.

It was amazing how close the beavers came sometimes. I don’t think they have particularly good eyesight, relying on their other senses so as long as I didn’t move suddenly or make too much noise they don’t seem to notice my presence. If they were in the water and startled they would dive down with a loud splash as they used their tail to warn others of possible danger. Other times they would just sink into the water without a sound and disappear for a while.

The following morning I was up at 4.30 and after checking out the window that the beavers were still active, returned to the same spot for an hour or so. They were doing pretty much exactly the same as the night before and I returned to bed for a bit.

I spent the day exploring the woods and paths surrounding the Hideaway. I searched in vain for red squirrels in the morning but did notice more ponds behind the cottage as I wandered through the woods and visited them a little later. Evidence of beavers here too. and a picturesque setting.

In the afternoon I walked along the path to the right of the cabin and crossed over a little bridge constructed of beaver wood. It was here I saw all the extensive workings I mentioned above. I walked along a path and saw my first red squirrel and came across a red deer hind grazing in a patch of deciduous woodland – I managed a few images before she noticed me. There were nesting birds – I saw a starling deliver food to a hole in a tree and heard the cries of her young, and also spotted a wren with caterpillars.

That evening I met up with Paul, one of the owners of the Estate, and a couple of other residents for a beaver walk. He took us down to the pools I’d found in the morning. The first animal we spotted though was an otter fishing in a small pond. Lovely to watch. We then found four beavers sitting a fair distance away grazing. Back at the local pools there were the regular two doing exactly what they’d done the night before. Once left to my own devices I walked down to the right of the cabin and in the fast-failing light watched one lone beaver tidying up the top of a dam but too dark for photographs.

Sunday morning I was up again at 4.30, and this time I walked round to the other ponds. I found three beavers swimming about and eating both onshore and in the water. At one point three came together for a grooming session. Frustratingly it was in quite tall grass so I only saw brief glimpses, but did take this little video.

I started to walk down to the far part of my local pools to see if any beavers were still at work but saw one heading back in the direction of the lodge, so followed it. It did a spot of grooming and rearranged some of the mud on the dam before retiring for the day.

After a few more hours in bed I went to Glenshee Ski Centre in the hope of finding the mountain hares and ptarmigan. To be honest I had little idea where to go, so just took the chairlift up to the top and wandered around. Although warm there were some very heavy rain showers and the mist came down so it wasn’t easy to locate anything. I saw 4 hares of various colours – one in full summer pelage, one pretty white and two somewhere in between. No ptarmigan though, although there were quite a few red grouse and I did see and photograph my first dotterel.

The drive to and from Glenshee awarded me with more sightings – both a brown hare and a red deer hind ran out infront of me and I kestrel hovered above a field. Life was just about perfect!

In the evening, surprise surprise, I went out to see the beavers again. Walking passed the lodge area I saw none, but obviously startled a beaver at the top end by the road as I heard an almighty splash! I walked round to the more distant pools, partly hoping to see the otter again, but no sign of it. The beavers were all quite distant so I walked back, passed the hideaway to the area with all the beaver-workings. I saw a beaver heading in that direction so settled down under a tree overlooking the area where I’d seen the beaver on the dam the night before. Paul and Louise appeared shortly after me and sat right at the edge of the water on a (I presume) beaver constructed bench, but after 10 beaverless minutes they left and I walked back a little bit closer to the riverbank. Suddenly I saw a large twig moving swiftly towards the river and stopped in my tracks. Sure enough the twig was attached to a beaver who swam into the water and spent about 15 minutes chomping on it. Light was relatively poor by now so I had the ISO up at 5000 and a shutter speed of 1/80 – 1/60. As on all occasions over the weekend I was using my monopod and I’m pleasantly surprised at how many sharp images I achieved!

Monday morning, again up at 4.30, I made a quick check of the same area but saw nothing so went round to the other pools. I only saw 2 (at any one time) beavers this morning, but great to watch.

Returning to the hideaway the adult female was doing her patrol around the pool and the very last beaver I saw was from the cabin window, returning from the lower pools. A perfect end to my beaver-spotting.

They really are amazing, fascinating animals and all credit to Paul and Louise for introducing them to the Estate and being such ambassadors for their return to the wild, where they belong. If you want to read more then I can recommend Jim’s book mentioned above, also the Scottish Wild Beaver Group website. Bob Smith of Nature Nuts does beaver guiding in the evenings and of course you could go stay with Bamff Ecotourism, even if you don’t fancy living off-grid like I did, they have regular self-catering accommodation and yurts, although you don’t have the added bonus of beavers out your window.

Monday I made a return visit to Bob Smith’s wildlife hide in the hope of seeing pine marten and red squirrels, but more of that in my next blog!

Bamff Beavers If you've read my blog or follow me on social media I'm sure you'll have figured out that I love wildlife and nature.

#bamff ecotourism #Beaver #behaviour #eurasian beaver #habitat #nature #nature nuts #nikon #Perthshire #scotland #Wildlife

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