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#this show would have been so much better if they let buffy kiss women
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Okay so @sothatwassomething made this here post and it made me a little feral, so here is the promised essay.
So, I watched this show when I was really young so I didn’t originally notice, but having rewatched it recently, it’s flagrantly obvious. Buffy’s male characters are fucking terrible.
The original post is about Buffy’s boyfriends but I’m including Xander because he has committed too many crimes to not get a mention.
He’s supposed to be the funny best friend character who’s kind of a dumbass but you love him anyway. That is not what comes forward though, not even close. He has a crush on Buffy from the moment he meets her and he does not hesitate to make it her problem.
He makes every effort to insert himself into her life and constantly oversteps boundaries. Not to mention constantly being at least low grade misogynistic, which is admittedly both a product of the show’s time as well as J*ss Wh*don being on the writing team, but still it’s gross for a show that’s supposed to be all about girl power to have a prominent supporting character that’s like that.
He also constantly devalues Buffy’s feelings (when she tells him she doesn’t like something he or someone else is doing he’ll try to talk around it to change her mind), ignores her misgivings (Literally every time something is afoot she pretty much senses it but he tries to tell her she’s wrong or paranoid more or less), gives her terrible advice (See the whole thing with Riley, just that whole talk when she said she wanted to break up with him the first time which honestly makes so little sense to me since he didn’t even like the guy), interferes with parts of her personal life without telling or asking her (multiple times gatekeeping other people from talking to her without asking if she’d like to talk to them, ie Spike at Joyce’s funeral), won’t listen when she’s upset over something (This happens so often I would just say pick an episode it’ll happen at some point), and worst of all tries to talk her into not believing her own thoughts and feelings.  It’s not isolated to a single episode or season either, he is just consistently this bad throughout the show.
Despite all that, the narrative treats him favorably and clearly tries to frame his actions as justified because he likes Buffy, like he’s looking out for her. He’s treated like the “nice guy” who doesn’t get the girl but probably should have. He gets along with Buffy, sure, but I genuinely think that’s only because the narrative forced them to.
Now juxtapose him with Willow. She’s introduced as the cute quirky girl who’s maybe a little nervous but sweet. That’s true for about the first half of the first season. Willow gets so much character development in a way that Xander never really does. It’s almost like meeting Buffy started her on a journey to line up all the little parts of herself she either hadn’t known were there or hadn’t thought she had room for.
She immediately bonds with Buffy and proceeds to be ride or die with her in a way that triggers personal growth for both of them. She helps her with her homework, makes every oportunity to spend time with her that she can with no strings attached, doesn’t pressure her to do things she doesn’t want to do, including telling them Slayer related things.
Willow is who Buffy goes to for emotional support, she’s who she tells her secrets to, and she proves that her trust is not misplaced over and over. There are a few times when she’s not as good a friend as she could be, but it’s rare, and it makes their relationship feel more realistic. She’s usually very supportive and takes the initiative to help Buffy in whatever situation they find themselves in. She started practicing magic as a way to be more helpful to the group and ended up finding a passion for it.
Willow and Buffy continually build each other up, and there’s a genuine sense of comfort between them. They lived together for an entire season, and almost every scene depicting that had so much domesticity to it. They were the calm, soothing moments in the middle of a season full of chaos and change. They give off comfy cottage lesbian vibes and I will defend that to my GRAVE. (Was lowkey frustrated when they made Willow a lesbian but DIDN’T put her with Buffy like why????)
Then we have Buffy’s relationship with Angel. Which. Oh God where do I start??? Oh, I know where to start, at one of my least favorite aspects!
So their entire relationship is an allegory, we know that. It’s the timeless tale of a girl dating a seemingly nice guy, everything being great, then when she “gives it up” to him, he suddenly turns into an asshole. (Especially with younger girls and older guys as was the case here) Great, thanks I fucking hate it.
But, in addition to that, they made Angel the flattest freakin’ vampire ever. Like if y’all think Edward Cullen wasn’t based on this mo’fo right here, I’m sorry but you’re wrong.
Buffy is great at banter, it’s one of the things the show is known for, but almost every quip she made smacked into Angel like a brick wall. Like yes, he is being eternally tortured for being the most massive douche in a whole species of assholes, but still. He has a lot more chemistry with freaking Cordelia of all people than with Buffy. He and Buffy get along best when they’re tragic and dangerous together, which yeah, is chemistry but it’s not long term, and it once again doesn’t suit the vibe the show is trying to foster.
Angelus had great chemistry with Buffy, but in the villain way which is actually one of the only ways she does get to have decent chemistry with a dude. But you know, he also stalked her, killed her friends, and generally terrorized her that entire time so not real great on the boyfriend vibes there. 
Now contrast him with Faith, who was also an absolute nightmare.
Faith was clearly intended to be a narrative foil to Buffy. But the minute those two got anywhere near each other, holy shit. There’s magnetism there, there’s tension, and most of it is sexual. It feels as if Buffy is being drawn into Faith both by the promise of freedom she’s never gotten to taste, and the allure of Faith herself. She’s dark, she’s dangerous, and she can absolutely keep up with Buffy in every way. She’s who Buffy could be if she weren’t bound by the rules she keeps to. (She’s who Buffy could be if she weren’t so well loved.)
She shows Buffy parts of herself she hadn’t known existed, makes her confront things about being the Slayer that she’d never put to words before. She understands her in a way that no one else really can, and she’s not shy about letting Buffy know that.
She immediately moves in close, and while the plot frames her as trying to get close to Angel because she wants what Buffy has, I think it’s also to do with wanting to be closer to Buffy. It would be easy to argue that’s part of the confusion of being young and queer and not knowing if you want someone or want to be them. Especially for a character as love starved as Faith.
These two got on like a house on fire and they were every bit as dangerous to each other as Buffy and Angel were, but in a way that made me want to watch them for as long as they could draw things out. Honestly they could have dropped everything and made out and I would not have been in the least bit surprised.
There’s bad blood, there’s distrust and hurt and apprehension but there’s still that same magnetism underlying every interaction. I HATE that this show was made in the 90’s-00’s because goddamn would I like to have seen where that could have gone.
Which leads us to my absolute least favorite of the boyfriend bunch, Riley. I wanted to like him. I really really fucking did. He seemed like he was going to be the all american himbo, and honestly Buffy being the girlboss she is could absolute have vibed and thrived with a himbo.
But no. That’s not what they did with him.
Rather than just giving Buffy a pretty, sweet boy to protect, they gave her another asshole with an agenda. First of all, ACAB. (I know he was technically some bullshit sort of special ops, I don’t care, they acted like cops, they’re getting lumped in) Riley was another case of a guy who seemed pretty nice on the surface but just turned straight to suck as they got to know each other better.
He was portrayed as a supportive boyfriend but just about every time it came down to actually supporting Buffy, he either failed to do so or gave her the absolute wrong thing. I don’t know if the writing team just got tired of writing for him or what, but his downward spiral was terrible.
It was entirely centered around Buffy being stronger and more competent than him.
Seriously.
In a show, that’s main selling point is having a heroine who’s literal job it is to kick ass and take names, we’re going to give her a boyfriend who gets his feelings hurt about that very thing?? Riley was the champion of the fragile male ego (I could go on about how his whole character was pretty much just a male power fantasy run wild but that’s a whole other post) and it was a pretty consistent theme throughout their relationship that he felt inferior to her. But at the end it just went off the rails. A vampire blood drinking den hooker?? Really Riley???
Not to mention he had all the personality of a dry biscuit. He wasn’t even Buffy’s type to be honest, which even he knew. Their whole relationship felt like Buffy trying to force herself to be normal, to force herself to be something she isn’t. (Cough Lesbian symbolism, cough cough.)
Which brings me finally to Spike, my beloved trash man.
First, it should be said that he absolutely has some of the flaws outlined above. He started out a villain and did his best to stay that way for quite a long while. That said, he also went through a lot of character development.
One thing that never changed however was his chemistry with Buffy. He plays off of her beautifully, although he has a good rapport with pretty much every character. He's great at their style of banter and his attitude has him fit in pretty nicely with their sass. He’s a great foil to Buffy in a similar way to Faith. He constantly tempts her to live outside her comfort zone, outside of what people think of her and he encourages her to seek out whatever it is she wants. Buffy is more reluctant to latch onto that in Spike (she’s already seen where that leads with Faith, and she has plenty of history with Spike that tells her he’s untrustworthy) but ultimately ends up pursuing him as well.
Spike, for his flaws both in their relationship and as a person does one thing most of the rest of these characters don’t or aren’t able to do for Buffy, which I think ends up drawing her even further in.
He gives her emotional support.
That’s something absent from a lot of Buffy’s relationships in any capacity (JOYCE I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU HONEY YOU WERE A FUCKING TERRIBLE MOTHER) and I think it adds a lot more depth to their connection than Buffy has with Riley or even Angel.
Spike is shown multiple times to pretty much be one of the girls, it’s played for laughs but it’s still there. He watches soap operas with Joyce and genuinely gets invested in them, he’ll talk about boys with Dawn even though he really has no reason to, and in one of the earlier seasons he kidnapped Willow and pretty much just…vented to her? Talked about his problems and his feelings about them. It’s really rare for any of the characters to do that, much less any of the male ones. Spike for all his mischievousness and villainousness has quite probably the most emotional intelligence in the entire group. (Which I suspect is part of why he gets girlfriend-vibe privileges.) His relationship with Buffy was the shortest and they spend a good chunk of it trying to force it not to become deeper (which is also pretty telling in itself) but I think it settled into one of the best she had, if not the best. Had they gotten time to work through their issues, I think they probably would have been the best canon relationship Buffy had.
But this whole issue is pretty easy to see even in some of Buffy’s more brief interactions.
Kendra the Slayer. She was only around for a few episodes, was wildly different from Buffy, far more rule oriented but just as dedicated to her job and eventually loyal to Buffy. They had a rocky start, but ended up bonding pretty well before Kendra’s death.
That one dude Buffy dated for like three seconds before Riley appeared that broke her heart for literally no reason other than to emphasize that every nice seeming pretty boy is going to be a jackass underneath it all. They barely even spoke before Buffy had a thing for him. He was supposed to come off as charming but pretty much just talked about himself, used a bunch of lines, and was a cheating asshole. Willow verbally incinerated him. 
I don’t know how this show managed to be so utterly bad when it came to it’s hetero relationships, but it sure did. Almost every single male character (with the exception of Giles, Spike, and Oz before they volleyball spiked his character straight into the ground, pretty much) was crap in some capacity which lent itself to the reverse version of the “Every woman in this show is a cardboard standee so we have to ship the guys together” syndrome. Buffy had much more going with the women in this show and it’s a shame she never got to kiss one.
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herinsectreflection · 3 years
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The Inherent Queerness of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I don’t think it’s any secret that Buffy is extremely popular among LGBTQ people. I couldn’t find any demographic statistics to back this up, but I feel it’s pretty self-evident. Just from having been in the fandom for over a decade, it has always felt like a more queer-dominated space than many other fandoms. Two of the biggest Buffy podcasts out there are helmed by two queer women and a gay man respectively. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you, reading this right now, are some manner of queer, and I bet I’d be right at least half the time. And I think this is for good reason. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is, at its core, an intensely queer show.
Now, I don’t mean just in regards to the representation, but let’s get that out of the way. The early years had Larry and pretty heavy subtext with Faith. Then S4 hits, and we get Willow’s coming out and Tara’s introduction. S5 gives us their first on-screen kiss - the first lesbian kiss on the network. S6 gives us more overt sexual intimacy between Willow and Tara, and S7 adds Kennedy and Andrew into the mix. 
There are some ~problematic~ elements to the representation of almost all of these characters. Larry employs the trope of “homophobe/misogynist is only that way because they’re secretly gay”, and is later killed off. Faith’s seduction of Buffy is simultaneously a “seduction to the dark side” of hedonism and selfishness and also a literal seduction, which binds her implied bisexuality to her villainism. Tara and Willow’s relationship is aggressively chaste compared to the other heterosexual couples on the show, and Tara’s death is very much a Bury Your Gays moment. Andrew’s sexuality is almost exclusively limited to jokes. There are no trans, ace, or explicitly bisexual people.
And this isn’t just looking back from 2021 and saying this, as if people didn’t know any better. Queer people have been pointing this out for decades. We didn’t have the same cultural awareness and vocabulary surround Bury Your Gays back in 2002, but people were absolutely aware of the disproportionate killing off of queer characters, and they talked about it in regards to Buffy. 
But, in the same way that you can’t judge a Jane Austen novel by the feminist standards of 2021 you can’t really judge a show from 1997 by the same standards as you would judge a show that aired today. That way leads madness, and ignores how these pieces of media pushed hard against the progressive boundaries of their own time. The Willow/Tara romance was huge. It can’t be overstated how revolutionary it was to not only have a proudly lesbian main character, have a same-sex couple treated with the same respect and seriousness as the opposite-sex couples. They got to kiss less, but the creators fought ferociously for every bit of physical intimacy we did get. Even Tara’s death was its own kind of respect, given how Whedon ends literally every other couple throughout his career in similar tragedy. 
This is all a roundabout way of saying that the queer representation in Buffy is both exceptional, brilliant, and also aggressively flawed and insufficient. So while having this representation is a big appeal to queer viewers, I don’t think it wholly explains why Buffy specifically has such staying powers, means so much to many queer people, and continues to appeal so strongly to new and younger viewers today, even though many current shows have better or at least as good queer representation. It would not be enough for the show to simply have queer characters. Rather, the show has staying power because it is a queer show at its core.
Buffy Summers is a queer character from the get-go. I don’t mean that she is canonically queer; I personally read her as bisexual, and the comics have her in a brief relationship with a woman, but looking at the show in isolation and its explicit statements, Buffy Summers is not confirmed as anything other than straight. But what she is, when the show starts, is a teenage girl who has recently discovered that she is different. She is grappling, partially in denial, with a part of herself that she is forced to keep secret. She didn’t choose it, and it totally upends the “normal” all-American life that she thought she was going to have. All of this is a very non-normative, very queer experience.
It’s not just having a secret identity that makes this feel gay. I’m sure there are people out there who have done excellent queer readings of Superman or Batman, but Clark Kent does not stand out as a queer icon in the same way that Buffy Summers does. Most versions of Superman evoke the immigrant and Jewish experiences more - being a story about a man with an ethnic background different to the people around him. But Buffy’s story is about a girl whose own perception of herself and her future is radically changed in adolescence. She is not a secret child of an ancient race known as Slayers. She is just like everyone around her, but in one specific way very different, and that changes her whole outlook. This is not a universal  for queer people during adolescence, but it is an extremely common one.
Buffy’s secret identity is purposefully linked to queerness through dialogue too. Her “coming out” as a Slayer to Joyce in Becoming is the most clear and obvious in this regard. “Honey, a-are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer?” “I-I mean, have you tried *not* being a Slayer?” “It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it?”
This is not an isolated example, and there are many other moments throughout the show (“I've tried to march in The Slayer Pride Parade” in Dead Man’s Party being perhaps the most on-the-nose use of the allegory) that reinforce this correspondence of being a Slayer and being a Gay. And so queerness becomes baked right in with the premise of the show. Buffy’s experience of being a powerful Slayer while also being hidden and powerless as a teenager, is the experience of being gay and also an invisible and powerless teenager.
If there’s one theme that’s constant with Buffy Summers, it’s the theme of isolation. She is apart from the world in many different ways. She is forced to exist outside of mainstream society because of their refusal to acknowledge a world that very clearly and obviously exists. She feels disconnected from her closest friends, because despite their love for her they cannot understand the specific and unique stresses she is under. And she is dissociated from herself, because of her depression and desire to perform a competency she feels she lacks. Her life is inherently unconventional, and that pushes a girl who already feels alone to a more isolated place, more and more as time goes on.
Being a queer teenager is a profoundly isolating ordeal. To get personal for a moment - I am a bisexual trans girl who grew up in a small town in the 90s and 00s. “Gay” was used universally as a synonym for “shitty”, sitcoms used gay panic as a punchline every other episode, Ace Ventura existed. I knew no out queer people in real life, and any non-straight person in any piece of media was viewed as controversial at best, and more commonly as a dangerous attempt to pervert children’s minds and turn them all into Satanists. My teenage years were a hellish spiral of repression, suicidal ideation, and depression. That’s not a sob story, it’s just how it was. The important part is that it was at this period of my life, that I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 
To say that this show was important to me would be an understatement. It spoke to me at a time that I was unable to speak truthfully to anyone. I felt understood by this show in a way that I knew nobody in my life would’ve understood me. It was a friend, telling me that I wasn’t the only one who felt like this, and that I could get through it. Sure, that’s not an entirely healthy relationship to a piece of media, but hey, I was not in a healthy mental state. I do genuinely wonder if I would be alive today if I hadn’t found this show. And importantly, my story is not remotely unique or special. I’ve spoken to many other people who have felt similarly, who have felt the show speaks to them on a fundamental level, and have used it to get through difficult times. This series has that power.
I think what Buffy captured so well was the gap between knowledge and communication. The haunting chasm between what you know in your head and what you are capable of saying out loud. She wasn’t just resistant to sharing her secret identity to keep her loved ones secret, she also just lacked the vocabulary to articulate her situation. There is no guidebook to coming out, whether as gay or as a vampire slayer. There was a consistent and conspicuous silence when Buffy interacted with anyone outside her circle, who she wasn’t “out” to. Every adult and authority figure not tied to the supernatural spoke to her with assumed wisdom. Everyone from the spiteful little tyrants like Snyder to the more well-meaning Joyce, they all spoke with a crushing confidence that they totally understood what Buffy was going through, when the reality was that they were totally, woefully ignorant of the reality in front of them. Joyce spoke to Buffy assuming she was a “normal” teenager with the same misplaced confidence she spoke to Willow and Tara with when she assumed they were straight in Buffy vs Dracula. Buffy has a unique interest in those tiny tragedies that stems from these gaps in communication.
Buffy: Mom, that's the last thing that I want, too. I'm trying, I really am. I just... I have a lot of pressure on me right now.  Joyce (patronisingly): Wait till you get a job. Sleep tight.  Buffy (to herself, looking at her hidden stash of gay magazines stakes and holy water): I have a job. - 2x02, School Hard
Importantly, in the case of Joyce and the occasional friendly teacher Buffy would have, this was not out of malice, but due to them just simply not having any consideration towards anything outside their existing frame of reference. There are sadly many queer people out there who suffer with exceedingly shit parents that are more like Tara’s dad, but I think a lot of queer people’s parental experience is closer to Joyce - the straight mother who’s never known any queer person in their entire life, and are totally Not Against That Kind Of Thing, but are shocked that their own child could be anything other than straight. As Buffy and Joyce’s relationship develops, it continues to evoke this idea of a clueless parent trying to understand their child’s “unique lifestyle”, while said child is just too exhausted to be a full-time educator on the subject. Buffy: Mom, what are you doing here? Joyce: I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. Y-you know, the slaying. Buffy: You know, the slaying is kind of an alone thing. Joyce: But it's such a big part of your life, and I'd like to understand it. It's, um, you know, something we could share. Buffy: A-actually, it's pretty dull, you know, it's (distracted) bam boom stick... poof. - 3x11, Gingerbread
And though this repeated tableau is most prevalent in the early seasons, when Buffy is hiding from her mother, it reoccurs throughout the show. Everyone from university lecturers to fast food managers to social workers make assumptions and tiny judgements based on absurdly incomplete information, and Buffy constantly has to tread this line of explaining herself in a socially acceptable way
It’s not just authority figures that Buffy has to hide her Big Secret from, it’s also her peers. Although they show her appreciation in The Prom, for most of the first three seasons, Buffy’s classmates regard her as kind of a freak - a weirdo, an outsider. A whole load of rumours surround her, and Conversations With Dead People confirms even that this included rumours about her sexuality. The only people who she can be comfortable around are the small, tight-knit group of fellow outcasts that she is out to. Said group is made up mostly of other supernatural-adjacent people - a witch, a werewolf, a watcher - who all have different experiences but can understand each other in a way that “normal” people can’t - in the same way that queer kids in real life will gravitate towards each other for solidarity.
Willow and Xander are pretty queer characters in their own regard, and not just because Willow is later confirmed as a lesbian (and a coming out story for Xander was also considered by the writers). In much the same way as Buffy, they are outcasts with difficult relationships with their parents, who find comfort in this small group of similarly misfit people. Just the act of being non-normative and unpopular is kind of inherently queer. Giles in this metaphor takes the form of an elder gay; a man with much more knowledge and experience with the supernatural/queer world, who takes these younger gays under his wing. Cordelia’s S2 arc, realising she is attracted to someone she never thought she would be and losing her old friends because of that, is its own kind of coming out story.
But Buffy is the main character and she is the main catalyst for this queer vision of the show. And you can look at Buffy herself as queer. I mentioned earlier that I personally read Buffy Summers as bisexual, and while that is obviously part personal projection and convenient for my shipping preferences, I think it’s an interpretation that is backed up by parts of the text. Her relationship with Faith is one that plays out very much like an actual fling - subtext that was confirmed by multiple writers and actors as being very intentional. The Faith arc in S3 is structured in a very similar way to the Angel arc of S2 - as a tragic romance, and stuffed full of romantic coding and sexual imagery. It is entirely reasonable to read Buffy as being attracted to Faith - her attraction is canonical, and that attractio being romantic and/or sexual is intentional subtext. There are a few examples in the later seasons too than specifically bring up the idea of other people believing Buffy is queer - Holden in Conversations With Dead People suggests that this was a common belief in high school, and the social worker in Gone assumes that she and Willow are a couple. And then of course there are the comics. It’s an idea that the show does like to return to.
But ultimately, the idea of a queer Buffy Summers works best on a purely metaphorical level - which makes sense for a show so deeply steeped in metaphor. The high school years centre largely on Buffy coming into her own and accepting her destiny as a Slayer. This is of course in many ways a metaphor for coming into adulthood, but since slayerhood is also consistently portrayed as queerness, you can also read S1-3 as Buffy accepting and coming out as gay.
In S1, she pulls away and tries to deny who she is. Queer people coming into their identity is its own kind of Hero’s Journey, and Buffy’s Refusal of the Call in episode one can be seen as a queer teenager repressing their sexuality. One of the hardest parts of coming to terms with a non-normative sexuality or gender identity is realising that the vision that society assumes is a universal happy ending - a cis man and a cis woman in a monogamous marriage with 2.4 children - is something that you are never going to experience. You do not get that life. If you did, it would be inauthentic, a grotesque simulacrum. Buffy is realising the same thing - that the life and future she envisioned for herself is something she cannot achieve. She tries to reject her identity, to ignore her metaphorical queerness and cling to the image of her old life. But as Willow points out in Prophecy Girl, that world is not theirs anymore. The world they live in now is something different, and they must confront that.
S2 shows her coming more fully to terms with herself. She meets another lesbian slayer, and draws comfort from knowing that she’s not the only person like her. Her forbidden and non-normative relationship becomes more intense. And of course, she comes out to her mother at the end of the season. Her forbidden romance with Angel - a  slayer in love with a vampire - is not framed in a way that feels particularly queer, but it remains that any kind of love that is unconventional and viewed as doomed by society always inherently has a tinge of queerness to it. Interestingly, later seasons trade on this idea a little more. Her relationship with Spike in S6 is one that Buffy feels shame over, and when she reveals it to Tara - a lesbian - it is explicitly described as a “coming out”.
But her relationship ends in tragedy, which causes her to leave and abandon her identity. In order to reclaim her name, she must also reclaim her queer identity, as the two are inextricable at this point (“I’m Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are?”). Into S3, Buffy finds herself simultaneously drawn to and pulling away from Faith, a version of herself who has more explicitly embraced her identity as a lesbian slayer. Her flirtation with the dark parts of herself is sub-textually an actual flirtation with another woman, who continually tells her that they are more alike than Buffy says. You can argue about the unfortunate implications of Faith’s hedonism being sub-textually linked with lesbianism, but either way, it’s still there.
We could go on cherry-picking more things that can fit this paradigm, but instead let’s bring the focus back to why this in particular is so resonant to queer viewers. After all, there are other shows with ragtag misfits and secret identities, and to be honest you can apply gay goggles to most media. I think this is where Whedon’s fondness for tragedy, but ultimate hopefulness, transmutes this metaphor into something that really sticks with people. One thing that Buffy is exceptionally good at reminding us is that life really sucks. Profoundly, sucks. Sometimes the worst thing happens at the worst moments. Sometimes all you have are bad choices. Most of the time, life is simply relentless, hard, and cruel. Sorrows come at you in battalions, and nobody around you understands your pain, because they’re so full of it too. S6 obviously springs to mind in this regard, but it’s a core part of the show. Seasons 2 and 3 are slow-motion tragedies that force Buffy into killing someone she cares about. S5 is all about the inescapable coil of mortality and dissociation from reality that comes from living in this absurd world.
“Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day.” - Buffy, 3x10 Amends
“If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.” - Buffy, 3x18 Earshot
“Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.” - Buffy, 5x22 The Gift
“Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. It's living.” - Spike, 6x07 Once More With Feeling
There is an honesty to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that sets it above cosier shows. It opens up the howling abyss that life can often feel like, and shows it to us. But at the same time, it never veers into grimdark or nihilism (in the colloquial sense - it very much does veer into Nihilism in the academic sense). It presents these tragedies as harsh truths, not meant to punish or torture us, but to remind us that we’re not alone in struggling with this. So these moments can also be genuinely uplifting, even as they express a deep negativity. They are comforting without concealing the worst of the world. I picked those four quotes as simply four good examples of the show talking about how much life sucks, and only realised afterwards that all four are also specifically examples of one character talking another character down from killing themselves. The characters help each other through the pain by acknowledging the pain, and so do the same for the audience.
The idea of life sucking but also being worth living is a fairly universal experience to be honest, but there’s aspects to it that are very specific to the queer experience. Queer content tends to have a very upbeat, aggressively positive approach to queerness, for obvious reasons. We are literally fighting for our lives in many countries, and we must be aggressive and clear in our messaging that being queer is great actually and is something we should shout proudly from the rooftops. In media, we are battling against decades of propaganda and forced executions of queer characters, so of course we want to create a bunch of happy and proud gays in response. But the side-effect of that is that it does leave less space to talk about how being queer does kind of suck sometimes. It’s exhausting to have to repeatedly explain and justify your existence to everyone. It’s isolating to have an identity that is not reflected by the heterocisnormative word around you. It’s painful to grow up feeling like your own emotions are incorrect. I am proud of being trans and bi, and I would not change who I am in a million years, but being trans and bi has demonstrably and materially made my life harder. My teenage years were worse specifically because of my gender and sexuality. This is the case for most queer people - it’s life on a higher difficulty setting.
Buffy’s life is made harder because she is the Slayer. Her teenage years are pretty clearly worse than most peoples, because of her metaphorical queerness. But it’s also a source of power, and identity. She is exhausted by it, but also draws strength from it.  This is not dissimilar to the relationship many people have with their sexuality. Especially as we get into seasons 3 and 4, Buffy speaks with pride about being a Slayer - she has moved beyond denying who she is, but the show also acknowledges how stressful and isolating the experience is. It doesn’t let us off easy by treating Slayer powers as either an uncomplicated symbol of empowerment and #girlboss awesomeness, or as a tragic and awful curse. Buffy’s straddling of the Nihilistic tightrope captures the ambivalence that sometimes comes with being queer (or for that matter, being a woman, but that’s a different essay). 
In S5, Buffy decides she needs to learn more about her metaphorical queerness, and asks the elder gay Giles for guidance. She has taken the next step, from accepting her internal self to interrogating it. But the relentless sorrows of real life get in the way of the introspection. She gains understanding of herself and suffering, but she does not achieve nirvana. By the end of the season, she speaks with the fond weariness of someone who is fully confident in who they are, and this point kind of just wants to be left alone. I think of that lovely opening scene in The Gift, where Buffy is disappointed and surprised that the vampire she’s fighting doesn’t know she’s gay a slayer, and kind of shows off about it - but at the end, the guy she saves that she’s “just a girl”, and she just sadly agrees. She is an out and proud Slayer, but she’s also a girl who just wants a sit down and maybe a nap. Honestly, I can relate.
In S6, Buffy’s status as the Slayer has morphed from her main source of angst to just one Thing on the increasing pile of Things that Buffy has to deal with. Again, this is much like the experience many queer people have between adolescence and adulthood. When I was a teenager, my number one all-consuming fears stemmed from my gender dysphoria. Now as I near 30, my government is stripping rights away from transgender people and it’s somewhere in the middle of my current concerns, between “ugh, that bill was a lot higher than I expected it to be” and “shit, I forgot to send that e-mail because I spent half my work day writing a 4000 word Buffy the Vampire Slayer essay”. It is not something that has stopped causing her problems, but it’s just part of her life and who she is now.
The final season charges Buffy with taking care of a bunch of Baby Gays, and impart her acquired wisdom onto them. But she struggles. She has innate knowledge of what her queer life is like, but she cannot verbalise it. It is pretty impossible sometimes to explain a part of yourself to someone who has not experienced that, after all. The only person Buffy is actually able to communicate her specific experiences with is Faith, the only other Slayer, much how there is often an understanding between two trans people or two gay people or two ace people, that often only people with those same experiences can comprehend yours. Eventually, Buffy finds that the only way she can relieve this burden, is to spread her gift, and live in a world where there really are other people like her. She fights through all the difficulties and harshness and judgements, and brings about a better world through owning and sharing her identity.
At the end of the day, Buffy is not a queer show because there are queer characters, or because being a Slayer is often metaphorically linked to being gay. It’s a queer show because it’s a story about feeling alone. A story about having an experience that nobody else can understand, and dealing with that. A story about feeling at war with yourself. It is intimately familiar with uncomfortable silences and incorrect assumptions, with the micro-aggressions of teenage life that are magnified for queer teens and slayers alike. It understands how part of your own identity can be an essential source of strength and a source of stress. It puts a gentle arm around the viewer and reminds them that they’re not alone. It does not whitewash the pain of existence, but in acknowledging it, helps us deal with it. It is existentialist comfort food for anyone who’s ever felt different, or rejected, or isolated. It’s for the queers.
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jade-it-queen · 3 years
Text
Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat
It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.
JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.
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Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.
DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.
Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)
There’s no Jade in this movie. 
The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.
However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.
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More than I already am and that means something.
Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.
Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.
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Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I  normally can’t stand the guy :’D
Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.
You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time. 
SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms
Jesus f*cking Christ.
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To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it. 
But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:
Kung Lao dies (because yes)
Sonya Blade lives (because yes)
Jade is just there (more of it later)
disposable characters are disposed of
Liu Kang is badass and always wins
You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).
BUT NOW.
You know what’s coming.
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JADE.
JADE.
My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.
She’s there for like not even a minute.
Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.
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TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!
THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!
I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.
Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending. 
WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!
If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.
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Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you. 
ARE YOU NUTS?!
The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.
Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them. 
Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.
I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?
All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.
Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.
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prose-for-hire · 3 years
Text
Always and forever
Pairing: Buffy Summers x fem!reader
Request: Hi I love your writing , may I request a Female reader x Buffy where they go on a small date and the reader is clueless it's a date cause they're awkward and Buffy thinks it's cute 🥺💕
Requested by: Anon
A/N: I’m back writing (slowly, very slowly) and here with Buffy and a female reader no less – hope this is what you wanted anon !! 💜🖤
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It started with a smile.
The first time you had met she had been entranced by your smile. She thought you were the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. You had become close friends, the type where you could tell the other everything. Everything except your feelings for the other.
Buffy had liked you for a long time, she had come out to you first telling you that she liked girls. You had smiled, tried your best to be encouraging – explaining that you had those feelings for other women too.
She was beyond pleased when she heard this, she had a crush on your for a long time, but she hadn’t told you this just yet. She was trying to work up the courage to say something. She was usually more self-assured but when it came to you, there was no margin for error. She couldn’t lose you.
It was no secret to your friends that you both had feelings for each other, having both separately confided to the others. You, slightly awkwardly to Willow and Tara one afternoon in the Magic Box when it was quiet). The witches just smiled at each other knowingly, having had a recent and very similar conversation with a certain slayer about her feelings for you.
But nobody had clued either of you in, it was better to let you both discover it yourselves, they decided.
It carried on like this, with the stolen glances you would take at any opportunity. As well as the laughter and the way you both appeared to light up when the other was around.
Until today. Today, was the day. Buffy had just woken up and decided life was too short. You had all just fought your way through an apocalypse and Buffy decided she didn’t want to face the end of the world again without you knowing the way she felt.
She found you in the Magic Box sorting through some scrolls. You worked there and had been left to man the store alone as everyone else had some really important things to be doing until later.
The bell rang at the front and you looked up, smiling when you saw who it was. Buffy. She was wearing a cute cami and you complimented it as soon as you saw it. You wanted to continue, complimenting every feature she had. Every sweet smile and her rosy cheeks after she fought a demon.
Buffy smiled, looking down slightly as she spoke. She was usually so forthright, so self-assured but with you it all melted away.
This was so important to her – you were so important to her. She decided to ask you on a date first, so you could feel out how you wanted to continue.
“You wanna Bronze it tonight?”
“Uh, yeah okay – I’ll ask the others”
“No, uh, you don’t have to. We can have a girls night – where the girls would b-be just us” She hinted, your face smiling softly as you became excited at the prospect of having her alone.
However, you hadn’t realised that you had actually just agreed to a date. You were quite black and white and she made you flustered at the best of times so because she hadn’t actually called it a date – you hadn’t realised that was what it was.
Nevertheless, you dressed up with her in mind. Your favourite outfit, one she had compliment before. You were so excited that she wanted to spend quality time to you but you never even considered she wanted to hold you the way you wished to hold her. Kiss her the way she wanted to kiss you. Or even call each other girlfriend in the way you both desperately wanted.
She smiled as you entered, she had already saved a table. She wouldn’t usually come so early but she had been so excited (and she knew if she went for a walk around the block to kill time she would run into some demon and instead become hideously late because she would get into a fight).
You were right on time, not wanting to miss a second with her. You slid into the seat opposite her. She slid the drink over to you that she had already ordered. You were surprised to note it was your favourite: she had remembered. As you reached for the cup, your hand brushed against hers.
You felt a heat rising in your cheeks as you looked down at the way your hands had touched even slightly. You moved your hand reluctantly and took a massive gulp of your drink for something to do. To distract yourself from thinking about how her hand would feel in yours. How you were sure her fingers were made to entwine perfectly with yours.
She smiled at the contact but moved when you did, pulling her arms to cross them on the table reluctantly. She watched your hand as you clutched the cup and took a drink, you complimented her choice telling her you couldn’t have ordered any better yourself. She was very proud of this, shrugging a little and doing that pleased little smile you loved.
You were friends, you hugged and showed affection but because it was a date she wished she could reach over and take your hand without having to think twice about it.
She started to talk, asking you about your day. Your interests and any hobbies you had been enjoying recently. But she was unsure if you were having second thoughts. She had been really excited when you had agreed to go out just you and her. But you seemed uncomfortable or at least, uninterested in her.
This wasn’t true. Not even a little bit. You were worried that you were showing your feelings too blatantly when you weren’t sure she felt the same. You overcompensated and so it came off the complete opposite of what you felt.
All of Buffy’s not-so-subtle hints had clearly been lost on you.
Eventually you warmed up, knowing you were close friends should be enough. You knew Buffy cared about you so it was odd that you weren’t being the same.
You shared drinks, the best food that the Bronze had to offer and you were even convinced to dance with her. She lit up so beautifully when you agreed to dance with her. The proximity almost left you reeling. You were afraid you would faint at how close to her you were. How she guided your hands to rest on her as you danced to a slower song together.
She told several men more than once that all of your dances were hers. Nobody questioned it, especially seeing as they knew who Buffy was and the amount of strength she had.
You grinned whispering your thanks, despite you still not quite figuring out her reason for being so blunt with everyone else. All you could focus on was how happy you were with her. Swaying against her slowly. The way her perfume clung to her and her hands grazed your lower back made you shiver.
You were feeling so many things at once and she would never know. Never know how much this moment meant to you. You wished that you could take a picture and keep it in a locket around your neck. Keep her by your side always.
At the end of a really nice night, you walked out together, her insisting on walking an extra thirty minutes out of her way to walk you to your house. She needed to make sure that you weren’t ambushed by something big and gross.
When you arrived at your home you turned to thank her for a fun time. You smiled, feeling a little more confident to express your feelings with your close friend and rubbed her upper arm softly. She smiled at the contact, feeling the usual glimmer of hope she would feel. Pleased that now you had been on a date, this meant she had been right. That you harboured affection back.
This, of course was true, but you still weren’t entirely aware that she felt this way despite every sign. As you turned to leave she stopped you gently, holding your hand and smiling. She took a deep breath before finally saying something she had wanted to say for such a long time.
“We could kiss y’know, what with the date… only if the whole romantic kiss-age thing is cool with you and not totally outdated”
“This was… a date?”
“Uh, well, only in the sense that we had food and prolonged eye contact” She said, dropping your hand softly and looking away. She was expecting you to let her down gently. She was starting to get embarrassed, she had put her heart on the line. It had been so long and the last thing she wanted was to lose you as a friend.
“I-I didn’t realise-”
“That’s okay. It’s really fine I’ll just go” She started to babble, her eyes widening slightly, “Hopefully the Hellmouth will swallow me up on the way home” she muttered starting to turn away.
“Don’t go! I’m sorry, I was just trying to figure out how I got so lucky” You grinned, finally able to find your words. You moved closer to her, both of your eyes glistening at the revelation. You moved slowly and she blinked slowly, anticipating the contact from your skin. You tucked a stray strand of her beautiful blonde hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek, “Can I still have that kiss?” You whispered, barely audible. It still didn’t feel real. You were walking on air.
You adored her. And to think she harboured anything close to how you felt about her. You were beyond giddy.
Your lips met, it was perfection. The perfect release. You emotions were heightened and the affection you had both harboured for so long poured between you freely for the first time. It was a revelation, her lips gliding against yours. She pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. She wanted to know every part of you. Her lips were so soft, almost addictive. She tasted so good.
The cold nipped at your exposed skin but neither of you noticed it. You were warm. Filled to the brim with love. With such wanting that could finally be fulfilled. You clung to each other, whispering affection and your feelings between kisses as you started to slow and pull away. You looked at each other and smiled. Laughing slightly. She held your hands, squeezing them. That had been the most beautiful kiss either of you had ever had. You never wanted to part.
But you knew now, deep within, that you would never have to.
Your place was by her side.
For always.
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council-of-readers · 3 years
Text
Jealous Buffy, Willow, Faith, and Fred: Headcanons
Request: Could you do jealousy head canons for Buffy, Willow, Fred and Faith at some point? But take your time, I don’t mind waiting till after Halloween or whenever's best for you😊
Sorry for the long wait. Things have been crazy in my personal life and I started a new job, but I'm getting back into the swing of things!
~•~
Buffy:
With her relationship issues in the past, she gets insecure fairly easily.
She doesn't take it far, but it definitely weighs on her.
Especially if she sees you with other women.
She always worries she isn't enough for you, or that she's too much, and occasionally seeing you with other people can exacerbate that.
Buffy doesn't come to you about it.
Not unless it gets bad.
The last thing she would want would be to accidentally drive you away.
You'll notice something is off, though.
She'll be more anxious in demeanor, generally being more clingy and competitive, especially in front of the person she's jealous of.
She'll be more physically affectionate with you, kissing your cheek, or just full on making out with you, holding your hand, and wrapping her arms around you.
That's the main sign.
You'll have to talk to her about her jealousy and reassure her.
A lot.
Especially if you hang out with the person she's jealous of frequently.
Cutting down on time spent with them will greatly ease her anxieties, more so if you couple that with talking to Buffy about it and letting her know you love her.
Really she's just worried about your feelings for her.
She doesn't often feel like enough for the people she's with, feeling like some sort of outsider or like she won't quite live up to their expectations.
She has a lot on her shoulders, literally the weight of the world, and you're her safe space.
When that safe space gets threatened, even just a little bit, she takes it incredibly seriously.
Make sure she knows you still love her and aren't interested in the other person.
Taking her out on a thoughtful date or two would mean the world in regular circumstances, but doubly so here.
Willow:
With what happened with Oz and Veruca, she's hyper sensitive to any perceived threats to your relationship.
She'll come to you early on with her worries.
It'll be nerve racking for her, as, like Buffy, she doesn't want to be overbearing and push you away, but she doesn't want to risk something happening because she didn't say anything.
It's a tough situation.
Do your best to be sympathetic to her feelings. It may seem silly to you, especially if your feelings for the other person are 100% platonic, but try to listen.
It's really important to her that you communicate through this.
She won't ask you to stop hanging out with the other person, but would appreciate it if you did, or at least did so much less.
And if you do hang out with them, it might be good to invite Willow, or at least one of the Scoobies along with you two. Just to ease her mind.
If course, no changes are really necessary.
Willow won't break up with you unless you actually do something with this person.
It will make her feel better if you take these extra steps for her, though.
Willow will still be nice to the person she's jealous of, but it will definitely be a strained sort of niceness, and if the three of you spend any time together, Willow will bring up the fact that you two are in love every single chance she gets.
If she becomes really anxious or suspicious, she will cast a delusting spell, and though she has gotten much better since the last attempt, it doesn't exactly go as planned.
Which, of course, drives a serious wedge in your relationship.
You'll have to build up each other's trust over time again, and the cracks will show, but you will still have her on your side.
And, after all that chaos, the other person won't really want to be anywhere near you two, so that negates any future problems.
With them, anyways.
Fred:
Fred wasn't the most self confident when you first got together.
She was still reeling from her time in Pylea and trying to adjust to life back on Earth, and coming face to face with her old insecurities in the process.
She's aware that she might be a bit over sensitive, especially when it comes to you hanging out with women, but it can really get under her skin. Especially if the woman is interested in you. Men, she doesn't have as much of an issue with, but anything overt will still bother her.
It's not likely she'll come to you with it in the beginning stages of your relationship.
It might even get to the point where she just assumes you'll break up with her for the other person.
If it gets there, you'll find out because she'll probably end up crying to Cordelia about all of it, and Cordy will chew you out before you can get a word in edge wise.
Please comfort Fred if it gets there.
She really loves you and it's important you show her that and that you're understanding with her.
If it's further in your relationship and she's grown more assertive, after a few weeks of jealousy she will bring it to you.
Of course, she's incredibly mature about it.
She says that she trusts you but doesn't really trust the other person, or she'll suggest something she and you can do together. Alone. To help rebuild.
There will be no restrictions on time spent with the other person, and she might even reject any offers for her to come with you if you're alone with them.
She does trust you and knows that you wouldn't be with her if you didn't want to.
But if the other person makes a move there will be hell to pay.
Faith:
You'll know immediately if Faith is jealous.
She won't necessarily talk to you about her feelings.
She's more of the 'if you touch my partner I will end your life' type.
If Faith is jealous of someone you've been spending time with, you'll likely find out when the person either cuts you off out of fear or comes to you about what she said.
When you ask her about it, try to be understanding.
Don't yell at her or blame her for it.
She's been abandoned a lot throughout her life. So many people have given up on her and it's so hard for her to open up to people and trust them.
She's let you in and is terrified of not only losing you, but of that decision backfiring.
It won't be a serious conversation at first.
She'll try and keep it light and jokey.
It's important that you break through that, though. Tell her you're sorry you ever made her feel like you might leave. Spend some extra time with her, go on a date, or even just be more affectionate.
Prove to her that you still love her and want to be around her.
This is especially important during the early stages of your relationship.
She loves you so much and is bad at expressing that. Her possessiveness and over protective behaviors might get on your nerves, so if that happens, let her know.
Communication and clarity is vital or you'll end up fighting nearly constantly.
Once you establish a routine and she gets used to your specific manner of communicating and your signals all of those behaviors, including jealousy, will die down and she'll learn to trust that you won't leave her.
Even if she seems like the most confident slayer you've ever met, she's been deeply hurt by people in her past.
She can't imagine what she'd do without you, and will do everything in her power to not lose you.
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Stripper with a Heart of Gold
Spike x Reader, BTVS
Warnings: minor spoilers for S5, cursing, PG-13 action but nothing else.
Description: Spike promised you he’d get the money, so he picks up a job. You’re out with your coworkers when you catch him in the middle of his shift at the Sunnydale Strip. It’s more than a little awkward.
Clearly, I have a thing for bad boys who offer financial security 😫
When you come in for the night, Spike’s waiting. He’s been slipping twenties in your pocket lately like you wouldn’t notice (who else but Giles has that kind of cash?) and you haven’t brought it up despite your guilt. You really need the help. Keeping the three people in your household fed + all of your frequent visitors is expensive, especially because Buffy burns through so many calories daily. Plus the water bill, the electric bill, and all of the crazy damages that you have to somehow try to budget for in your monthly expenses...
Tonight he follows you up to your bedroom while the girls are downstairs watching TV and closes the door behind you.
“Spike, if you think—”
There’s a huge wad of cash in the hand he holds out to you. For a moment, you can only blink at it, mystified.
“Take it. It’s for you.”
You reach out for it as if in a trance, then recoil like you’ve touched something scalding.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing at, but I can’t accept this,” you say, but it comes out quiet and not at all assertive.
“I want you to have it.”
There’s a little furrow between his eyebrows that deepens when you pull away. He doesn’t understand you. He’s seen you at the diner, working yourself to the bone, plastering on a smile for all of the customers even when they cross a line. You hate it there, but you do it for the money. Now he’s offering you enough to get through the whole month, as long as there are no surprise visitors, and you won’t take it.
“I don’t like to be indebted to anyone.” You’re shaking slightly from exhaustion and the unexpected gift, so you lower yourself onto your bed and clasp your hands in your lap.
“No, you’re worried about where I got it from. Isn’t that right, pet?” He sits down next to you, placing the money on your nightstand and patting it twice. “There. Now it’s passive. You don’t have to take anything, I just left you an early birthday present.”
“Spike.”
“I got a job, all right?” He turns your face to his, examines the bags under your eyes. “You’re not the only one with a work ethic around here.”
“I can’t support you going back into smuggling. Or gambling. Or—”
“It’s an honest job. I work the night shift. That’s why I haven’t been around so much lately.”
You hadn’t noticed, if you were being honest. You were too busy trying to keep everyone you loved alive and fed. Maybe that was his point.
He strokes the side of your cheek with his thumb and it’s an effort not to lean in, to pick up where the two of you left off only the week before.
Was this what he had been like with Drusilla?
You force yourself to pull away, removing his hand from your face and threading your fingers through his to keep him still. He’s been so touchy recently. You can’t trust your reaction to it.
“If that’s true, it’s still not right of me to take it from you if you’re under any impression about—” You swallow. Your palm starts to sweat under his. “We’re not— I mean, I can’t ever— I know we’ve been close recently and if that’s the reason why you’re giving me this, because you think it’s going to make us... if you think what happened last time is going to be some kind of recurring thing—”
He’s watching you stumble with open amusement, without any indication that he’s going to come in and save you from yourself.
“If this money is meant romantically, I can’t accept it,” you say finally. “I don’t want the strings attached.”
“Full of ourselves, are we?” he asks, slipping his hand out of yours. The loss of contact seems to bother you more than him.
He heads for the door, leaving the money next to you. You skim the bills with your fingers as if possessed, almost salivating at the thought of relative financial security. You could get your friends real presents for Christmas and focus on paying off your loans with your next paycheck. Maybe even—
He catches you in the act and you jerk back guiltily. Spike only shakes his head. Then he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jacket and his smile slips.
“You and I both know that money is the last thing you need to be worrying about right now, what with Glory after the little bit.”
He’s right, but you’re not happy about it. You make up your mind. You try to keep your expression neutral as you hand him back the bills. He can’t know what it’s costing you to turn this down.
“I can take care of it,” you say. You look him in the eye. “I will take care of it. Thank you, Spike, but I don’t want your help.”
“It’s hard for you to lower yourself to my level when you don’t know how long I’ll be around.”
The observation makes you blink and the cash crumples as you ball up your fists. He’s right, but how dare he say it?
Spike places his hands on your shoulders to keep you from charging. You have the same look on your face that Buffy gets right before she slams him up against the wall and rattles his brains.
“I get it. I’m still the same old evil Spike who’s tried to kill you and your friends so many times we’ve lost count. But I’ve got this chip in my head and I’m bloody bored anyway, so let me do something for the one person in this house I can stand, all right?”
You’re wavering, but it’s not enough. Your hand just opens and closes on the cash robotically as you try to process what you’re hearing, calculate the odds of this self-destructing, decide what the right thing means in a situation like this. Before you can revise your morals to fit, Spike goes in for the kill.
“You said once that we were friends for now. That as long as I wasn’t killing people and wanted to hang out, you’d be there, because you thought everyone had the capability to do good. You thought you could change me.” He’s fond of this memory. You can hear it in his voice that he still thinks it’s bullshit, but it gives him the warm fuzzies anyway. “I don’t care about the world or the superfriends or the ethics of vampirism. I care about you. If we’re friends like you say, let me do this for you.”
You open your mouth and then close it, like a very stupid fish. Spike chuckles and pats you on the head the way you might soothe a puppy.
“If it would help you to believe this is the first step in me developing some kind of moral compass, go right on ahead, love.”
——
You had only started your day job about a month ago and you were only working part time, but you know how important it is to make friends in the workplace. So when they finally invited you out for the night, you were ecstatic.
They told you there was a bar just off the highway that they liked to frequent. We’ll carpool, they said. You’ll love it, they said.
It’s a strip club.
Fluorescent lights stripe across the top of the building, supporting a flashing sign with a topless girl with tasteful silver stars over her nipples. The bouncer at the door has definitely done hard drugs at some point and the music blasting from inside is deafening even out in the parking lot.
After a moment’s hesitation, you roll with it. You know how to relax, even if everyone else thinks otherwise. You can play the necessarily part, share giggles with the others as you watch the show. You can slam back tequila shots and find it in you to order a round for the table. This is an opportunity, you tell yourself, to pretend everything’s normal for a night.
The “bouncer,” who is probably only there to flatter the older customers by checking their ID, lets you all through and your coworkers drag you to seats in the front. There are poles at various stages sprinkled casually throughout the main area and scantily clad men and women are visiting tables. Every so often, they lead a patron into the back for a private dance.
You’re not a total innocent, but it’s still hard to keep yourself from blushing as you walk past them, unsure if you should make eye contact or not. It’s been awhile since you were anywhere remotely as recreational as this. It’s harder than you thought to shake off your big sibling persona, so you head to the bar with Marie and bring the first round of drinks back to the table.
“This place is special,” she tells you, sipping her Cosmo. She pats your hand in a way that’s near maternal, though she’s only older by two years. “It takes a little getting used to at first, but don’t be scared.”
“Scared?” you laugh. The scariest thing you see is a guy sitting in the back corner trying to coax over a stripper who clearly knows better. You could take him, if it comes to it. Easy.
“It’s a Sunnydale special, that’s all. But it’s a clean business. Perfectly safe, as long as you follow the rules.”
You’re about to ask what those would be when one of the dancers slips off the pole and bites a customer. You bolt from your seat, searching for anything stake-like, but Cara rises to put a hand on your shoulder.
“Hey, relax. It’s okay. Watch.”
Watch? That vamp is going to drain that girl dry, you can’t just sit back and—
The dancer removes herself after about thirty seconds, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and blowing her partner a kiss. The girl’s table congratulates her with wolf whistles, slamming back another round of drinks.
“See?” Cara says. You sink down slowly, still watching wide-eyed. “You have to pay extra for biting, but it’s worth it.”
Gina puts a cool hand to your forehead. “Are you feeling all right, sweets? I know it’s a little different, but you said you’d lived in Sunnydale for years. We figured you were familiar with the undead populace.”
“I was.” You’re a little dazed. Mentally beating back your fight-or-flight reflex with a shovel. “I mean, I am. Only not like this.”
“Capitalism at its finest,” Marie sighs.
“Yeah, it’s regular symbiosis,” you agree absent-mindedly.
Things were so much easier when you were helping Buffy kill demons outright. All this moral gray is confusing as hell.
“Everything all right, ladies?”
Oh, shit.
The lighting is low so you duck your head and pray that he doesn’t see you cowering behind Gina, but luck is not on your side today. Cara has decided you’re being too uptight.
“I’d like to buy a private dance for my friend,” she purrs, pointing a manicured finger to you. “They’re new, so be gentle.”
“I’ll do my best,” he says with a wink, making the girls giggle. “What’s your name, love?”
Then his eyes meet yours and you inhale a breath that catches in your throat. Gina elbows you, like Hot, right? You elbow her back and pray he chooses not to embarrass you.
Spike’s pupils are blown. He’s tucked into nothing but tight black briefs and a tie that hangs down to his navel. The rest of him is laid bare for your view and you are really, really trying not to look.
After a beat of surprise, he takes your hand and pulls you out of your seat to lead you to the VIP area in the back. The girls are calling out behind you to have fun, already chatting up another stripper.
He sits you down in an open booth. On the other side of this smaller, darker room, there’s another vampire with a customer. She waves at Spike and then continues gyrating on her guy’s lap as he pours out all of his problems about his ex-girlfriend.
“I didn’t know you worked here, I swear,” you whisper, turning your attention back to him. “I wouldn’t have come if I did.”
“I don’t mind, pet.” He lowers himself onto you before you can protest, leaning in close. You swallow hard. “Your friends seem fun.”
“They’re coworkers, really. This is the first time we’ve been out together. I didn’t know we were coming to a, um, club.”
“I believe you.”
He’s steadying himself with his hands on your shoulders now, his breath ghosting over your face. He’s been surprisingly sweet about this so far, but there’s a bite to him. He’s still, as he frequently reminds you, evil. He’s taking this opportunity to demonstrate it.
“You’re tense, love.” His knees spread to either side of you and he rises up on them so that his chest is level with your face. You have to tilt your chin up to look at him. To make sure you look at nothing else. “Let me help. After all, we want your friend to get her money’s worth.”
He’s so close that he’s practically on top of you as he moves, swaying his hips back and forth, squeezing his knees to the outside of your thighs to keep him steady. It doesn’t matter that nothing below the waist actually come into contact with your skin. You can feel it. Him. Tremors shoot through your nerves as he leaves behind any semblance of stuffy British politeness and grinds down on you, grinning wickedly the whole time, like all roads lead to him and this club, like he somehow planned the whole thing. Then he leans back and holds out the end of his tie to you and you make a decision. You tug him towards you.
He’s everywhere, insistently parting your lips to slip his tongue in, knotting his hands in your hair, making you moan in a way that’s still completely indecent, despite the setting. Your eyes close and you briefly wonder if the other vampire and her client are still here, if they’re enjoying the show, but then you can’t think of anything except him.
His fingers begin to massage your lower thigh, creeping upward to trace the sensitive skin left exposed by your very short shorts. He’s drawing hearts, but you’re certain it’s not love he’s thinking of. It’s about blood. Isn’t it always?
“Wear these to tease me?”
“You wish,” you pant. You keep your palm wrapped around his tie like it’s the lifeline between the two of you, the only thing keeping you from drifting off into space. He presses back into you, this time giving you a taste of the show everyone else comes to see.
There’s nothing tender about this part. It’s gasping and bruising and pent-up frustration, maybe on your side more than his. It’s harsh, consuming. It feels like you’re being swept out to sea by a riptide. There’s no life vest in sight.
Then you’re coming down from your high and he’s working you through it, murmuring to you about how rightly jealous your friends are going to be at the bright hickey on your neck. He’s taking care of you, just like he said he would.
He smells like graveyard dirt and cinnamon. You’d make some quip about it being the cologne of the season among undead strippers, but you have to focus on breathing.
You’re disgusted with yourself. You’re elated. It’s confusing, but there’s no doubt that you’re disappointed when he takes his thumb to swipe away a strand of saliva that’s been left hanging and pulls away.
He untangles himself from you, leaving your lips pink and swollen and glistening, and tugs you out of the booth.
“Your friends will be wondering where you are,” Spike says. He’s sweating a little. You can see it beading on his chest. You’re proud. You caused that.
“And you need to get back to work.” You straighten your top, combing through your hair with your fingers, trying to compose yourself when you don’t know if you’ll ever be fully coherent again. You don’t know the etiquette for situations like this anymore, so you offer him a half-smile and stuff your hands in your pockets. “I’m sure the club’s missing their best dancer.”
He’s never been one for humility, so he just nods. He can’t help biting his cheek in satisfaction as you walk past him, all hot and bothered, hair mussed and cheeks pinkened. He did that.
When you get back to your table, your coworkers demand to know all the dirty details, although they’re busying themselves with throwing money at one of the pole dancers.
Spike stops by on his way to another table with some excuse about returning your bracelet, which he no doubt stole off your wrist during your “dance” for this exact purpose. He folds it into your palm, then bends to whisper in your ear.
“I’ll come by the house after my shift.”
Your friends practically swoon.
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mrsmess · 3 years
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Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):
Favorite episodes (in chronological order):
15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.
15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.
15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?
15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.
15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!
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15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.
Fail episodes (in chronological order):
15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.
15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!
15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.
15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.
15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.
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15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.
Mediocre mentions:
Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode
Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.
Honorable mentions:
I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.
Winchester-dumb, new household term.
”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.
I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.
Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.
Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.
Obviously Misha Collins
Things that makes you go hmm:
Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.
Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!
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Summing up:
So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.
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The Red Name pt 7 *Complete*
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || On Ao3
Alex didn’t bother with coffee this time. He didn’t need it. As tired as he was a minute ago, he was wide awake now. In front of him Michael crouched in his living room, playing with his dog. His bags were piled neatly inside the front door.
He was here.
“I’m confused,” he finally said. Michael looked up at him and slowly rose to his feet.
“You said if we wanted this to work, to be real, we had to work through our issues and we couldn’t do that from opposite sides of the country,” Michael reminded him. He was taking slow steps towards Alex. “We agreed that our biggest problem was that I was in Roswell and you were here,” he added. “Well now I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. At least, not anywhere without you.”
“You can’t just-” Alex stuttered. “You can’t just show up on my doorstep at 5 o’clock in the morning and- what time was your flight?!”
Michael laughed. “Flew out last night. Took a cab from the airport.”
“You’re insane,” Alex commented mildly. “What about Max and Isobel?”
“They bought me the plane ticket,” Michael explained. He was much closer now. “They promised me that Roswell would always be my hometown and they would always be my family but-”
“But what?” Alex breathed. 
“But it isn’t home. Not anymore. Not since the day you left.”
“You’re really moving here?”
“I already did. Just need to find a place to live and a garage to work at and I’m set.”
“You just picked up and moved across the country without telling me?” Alex raised an eyebrow. “Without asking me if I want this? If I’m okay with this?”
Michael didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. Because I know you, Alex Manes, and you want this as much as I do. You have been asking me to come with you since we were 21 and I’m sorry I took so long but yeah, I’m here. If you don’t want this, that’s fine, I’ll respect it. But I’m not going back to Roswell. I will be here until you do want this.”
“You’re that sure of yourself, huh?” Alex hated the waver he heard in his own voice. He was trying to be strong and stoic but it was impossible with Michael this close and this earnest.
“No,” he replied instantly. “I’m that sure of us. The biggest issue is already taken care of. Now we just need to make it work. And I know you,” he gave him that tiny head shake and smile Alex would forever associate with the words ‘I never look away’, “and you won’t let us fail. Not now. Not with both of us fighting for it.”
Alex swallowed. “Both of us fighting, huh? You’re going to pull your weight in this relationship?”
“I don’t look away, Alex. And I’m not walking away. Not ever again,” he promised as he brought their foreheads together. 
“I hate you,” Alex groaned. Michael, to his credit, just chuckled. “I have to go to work and no I can’t call out sick. You have the worst timing, I swear to god.”
“Oh yeah?” Michael smiled. “Why’s that?”
Alex kissed him. Hell, he was fairly certain some part of his subconscious was actively trying to fuse his body to Michael’s. It was only when Buffy’s barking reached obnoxious levels that they pulled apart. But even then they didn’t go very far. “I have to take her out,” Alex panted, more than a little out of breath. “And then I have to take a shower, alone, and get ready for work.”
“What time do you get off?”
Alex groaned and kissed him again. “Do not ask me that. I can’t be thinking of that all day.”
“I think that ship has sailed,” Michael laughed.
“What will you do?” 
“Today? Look for a job, find a place to live.” He shrugged. “As much as I would love to move right in-”
“We should go slow,” Alex finished for him. “Date first. Then live together.”
“Agreed.” Buffy whined from the front door. “Look, I’ll take her out, you take your shower and get ready.”
Alex followed him to the door and pushed him to the wall for one last kiss before finally letting him go. Once they were gone, he leaned against the door, his forehead braced against it as he took deep breaths to calm down. He went to sleep last night convinced he’d probably never see Michael again and now he’s here, and he’s staying, and they’re going to date. 
You can’t just put him on a plane and send him to me Maxwell. He’s not a gift.
And you couldn’t even give me a head’s up??
A
No returns.
You’re welcome.
Max Evans
Thank you
 A
---
“I take it you worked things out,” Jenna was immensely gratified to see Max jump as she slid onto the side of his desk. He was too busy checking out Kyle’s ass to notice so she figured he deserved it. 
“Uh, what?” 
She nodded at Kyle’s retreating back. “With Valenti. And Liz, I guess but Valenti was the source of the freak out right?”
Max looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing. “How did you know-”
Jenna raised an eyebrow. “C’mon Evans. I know you,” she nudged him with her knee. “You sleep with him without Liz yet?”
“What? No! That’s not-!”
“Uhuh,” she grinned. “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.” She winked at him and left him sputtering in her wake.
You’re going to keep me posted on all things Max and Kyle right? I need more information if I’m going to keep up this all knowing pretense
You could just spy on them the old fashioned way
A
Too much work. You’re faster
Was that an actual compliment, Sgt Cameron?
A
Don’t let it go to your head, Captain
---
How did you deal with your bisexual awakening? Asking for a friend
First of all, I don’t think our friendship has quite reached the point where we can talk about your sex life with my sister
Second of all, I am the wrong person to ask. I didn’t have a sexuality crisis. I just knew. I figured it was an alien thing until I realized Max and Isobel weren’t bi. And given recent events, I’m back to thinking it’s an alien thing. You puny humans and your outdated sexual binary tsk tsk
Third, find a hot chick and hook up with her. See if it’s women or just Isobel. Also, you need to get laid.
M
First, I wasn’t talking about our sex life but once we get to that point I’ll be sure to fill you in
Second, you are literally useless with this aren’t you?
Third, been there done that, it was fun but nothing to write home about?
Talk to Max. Or Kyle. Maybe they can commiserate on your latent bisexuality?
M
P.S. please for the love of god do not give me details about my sister’s sex life. I’m begging you. (but like, go have one with her? If you want?)
“Maria,” Max called from the other end of the bar. He and Kyle waved when she looked over but she just spared them a nod in greeting while she helped a customer.
Gabrielle passed by her to help them and Maria reached out and grabbed her arm lightly. “I’ll take the guys if you can help these folks?” She nodded at the customer she’d just been talking to.
“Sure thing,” Gabrielle agreed easily. Maria smiled in thanks and stepped neatly past her.
“Hey guys,” she greeted as she leaned across the bar. “Thanks for coming over.”
“Any time,” Kyle assured her.
“What’s up?” Max asked.
“I need someone to talk to about this whole I might actually be bi thing and Michael was absolutely no help but then I thought you two might be able to commiserate,” she explained brightly. They exchanged glances, their cheeks flushed, before both started shaking their heads.
“That’s not-”
“We’re not-”
“Uhuh,” she brushed them off. “Anyway, Liz is tragically straight, Rosa and Michael are completely unhelpful, and I can’t talk to Isobel about this, so that leaves you two.”
“What about Alex?” Kyle was quick to offer. Maria raised an eyebrow. “I thought you two were getting along better now?”
“We are,” she agreed. It was even mostly true. “But I’m not sure how a man who’s been out as gay since we were 13 can really sympathize with a sexuality crisis in my 30s.”
“You turned 30 two weeks ago,” Kyle leveled her with an unimpressed look.
“Like I said, in my 30s.”
“Ok fine,” Kyle sighed heavily. “I’m not sure how much help I’ll be but if you want to talk, I’m here.”
They both looked at Max. He looked mildly uncomfortable until Kyle elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, me too. If you want to talk. About you.”
Maria laughed. “Go find a table, I’ll send over some beers until I can join you.”
“You’re a queen, Maria!” Kyle leaned over and kissed her cheek. “A queen!”
“And don’t you forget it!”
---
I might be more into Kyle than I thought
Max Evans
Well do I have good news for you. You’re already dating the guy! Just kiss him
Side note: welcome to the party, it’s a real bisexual alien blast. See Isobel for your welcome packet
M
You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.
Max Evans
I’m hilarious
M
Thanks
Max Evans
For not making a big deal out of it I mean
Max Evans
Wouldn’t dream of it
M
---
3 attachments
If you tell anyone about this I will send Buffy one of those dog toys with a million pieces that you’ll never find again.
It’s my official first date (actually really official this time) with Maria and I have no idea what to wear.
I like the first one but she won’t tell me where we’re going or what we’re doing so I don’t want to be overdressed. The second one might be too casual. And the third’s a little uncomfortable but I look amazing in it
Don’t ever threaten my dog with toys again, I swear she perked up as soon as I read your message. I mean the puppy eyes were out in full force and I don’t need that kind of pressure from her
Congrats on the date. I’m glad it’s working out and everyone’s on the same page this time.
Go with #2. Maria’s not going to take you anywhere super fancy so you won’t need the first one and as hot as you look in the last one, she’ll know if you’re uncomfortable and that’ll just put her on edge. Plus, you look the most like yourself in that one and Maria’s looking to date you not the fancy dress
Should I threaten to ship the Airstream then? I can fill it with the files out of his bunker?
And thank you.
Don’t even think about it. My apartment is not big enough for all of that research
Your apartment? I thought he had his own? Something you two forgot to share with the class?
“Wow,” was all Maria could say when Isobel opened the door. She sent up a silent thank you to Alex for the suggestion.
“You look amazing,” she replied. And Maria did. She was wearing her favorite peasant skirt with a crop top and a denim jacket and she looked so very Maria it was breathtaking.
Maria smiled and leaned up and kissed her lightly on the lips. She pulled away almost before Isobel realized what had happened and smiled shyly. “Sorry. I was going to wait for the end of the night but-”
Isobel cupped her face and kissed her slowly. She didn’t push, she couldn’t, but she let it linger as she savored the feeling.
“Wow,” Maria breathed. Her eyes were still closed. “I really want to take you out but I’m suddenly okay with just doing that all night.”
“We can do that later,” Isobel promised. “I want you to take me out.”
Maria smiled and took her hand. “Well, then, Ms. Evans, let’s go.”
---
HANDPRINT PLUS MARK
YOU WILL THANK ME
HANDPRINT ON THEM WHILE THEY TOUCH THE MARK + SEX = NEVERENDING ORGASM
These are our work emails, Michael! And I don’t need details on your sex life, ew
Holy shit
You’re welcome
Oh my god
Exactly
---
Liz was surprised for about half a second, she’ll freely admit that. This was not something she had expected to come home to tonight but she was definitely not going to complain. 
In the kitchen, Max had Kyle pressed into a counter as they kissed. “Jesus, how does Liz do this?” Kyle pushed at Max a little bit. “My neck already hurts.” Liz hid her smile. She definitely did get neck cramps occasionally. But she and Max had worked out a way around that, usually entailing Liz up on a-
Max pushed up under Kyle’s armpits and lifted him onto the counter. “Holy shit,” Kyle gasped.
“We make it work.” Liz could hear the smirk in his voice as they fell back into each other. 
Max and Kyle are making out in our kitchen right now. I don’t know whether I should feel left out or really turned on
Both?
1 attachment
Oh by the way…
Who’s the genius now Lizzie??
Liz rolled her eyes at the new moniker and opened the attachment. Her keys fell out of her hand as it flew to her mouth to stifle her gasp. The top of the page had the MIT logo and the first line read, “Congratulations Mr. Michael Guerin.”
She slipped out the front door and called him.
“Better than CU Boulder?”
“Holy shit Mikey, that’s amazing!” She yelled. “You’re seriously going to MIT?”
“That’s what the paper said.”
“Oh my god I’m so happy for you!”
“Thanks,” he suddenly sounded sheepish.
Liz rolled her eyes. “You deserve it, Michael, seriously. Or did you think we were all blowing smoke up your ass when we called you a genius?”
“Nah, I figured there had to be some truth to it all.”
Liz leaned against the closed front door. “What about Alex?”
“He’s happier than you are. I got a very nice congratulations present from him already.”
“Ew,” she laughed. “I meant, I thought you two weren’t splitting up? How’s it going to work if you’re at MIT and he’s at Andrews?”
“Yeah, I guess that would be an issue if he was staying here.”
Liz straightened. “He’s being relocated? I thought he’d be there until his service was up.”
Michael hummed. “I don’t pretend to understand the specifics-”
“Bullshit, you just don’t want to tell me.”
“That too,” he agreed. “But yes, he’s moving with me. We’ve realized we don’t do well with long distance so we’re just not going to.”
“Look at you two acting like two mature adults in a relationship,” she teased. “I’m really happy for you, Michael. For both of you.”
“Thanks, Liz.” He sobered. “Serious question.”
It was never a serious question when Michael said it like that. “Hit me.”
“Why the fuck are you talking to me when your boyfriends are making out with each other in your kitchen?”
“That is an excellent question,” Liz realized. “I will talk to you later.”
Michael laughed. “Bye. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“That’s not saying much.”
“Have fun with your boy toys.”
---
She did. They had fun too, before and after she joined them.
---
2 attachments
You are not missing our birthday again this year if I have to fly up there and drag you back here myself. I already bought your tickets and Maria and Rosa are going to fix up the cabin so it’s not all dusty.
See you on the 7th.
Isobel
Michael wasn’t sure where it went wrong. He wasn’t even sure what went wrong. The air hummed with the remnants of their shouts. 
Four days. They’d been back in Roswell four days and they were at each other’s throats. 
“What are we fighting about?” Alex asked wearily. His shoulders were tense and his hair was in a disarray from where he’d been running his fingers through it. The last time Michael had seen him like this he’d had a bad day at work. A really bad day. He’d walked through the door like the world was weighing him down, his shoulders tense but bowed, his hair a mess, and Michael had wanted to fight everyone who’d even spoken to Alex that day because they’d all contributed to it. And right now, it was him. He was the one who made Alex look like that. 
“Pack your bags,” he ordered.
Alex balked. “What?”
“Pack up. We’re leaving.”
“And going where?” Alex sighed.
“Home,” Michael said simply. “I don’t know what it is about this place that makes us so miserable for each other but I’m sick of it. Let’s go home.”
“Isobel’s going to be pissed,” Alex warned. 
Michael shrugged. “Let her be pissed. I’m not going to fight with you, not over,” he waved a hand at their general vicinity, “I don’t even know what, honestly. You weren’t kidding when you said you couldn’t come back here. I didn’t really take you seriously and I’m sorry about that but now I understand so let’s leave. Go home, go back to being us.”
“Your family’s here, Michael,” Alex sounded exhausted. “We can’t just leave and never come back.”
“They can come to us.” Michael walked over and carded his fingers through the fine hairs at the back of Alex’s neck. “Maybe one day we can come back and be okay but that day isn’t today so let’s go. I’ve seen Max and Izzy, I’ve had drinks with Liz and Rosa and Maria and Jenna, I’ve kicked Kyle’s ass at pool, and watched the sunset in the desert. I am quite literally good to go. And even if I wasn’t, you are. So let’s leave. Just pack our stuff and go. We can get a hotel in Albuquerque and fly home in the morning.”
“And everyone else?”
Michael smiled. “I’ll send them an email.”
Sorry to cut and run but we decided it was better if we just went home. Thanks for the birthday party, Iz.
It was great to see everyone but next time, why don’t you all come to us?
1832 Lexington Ave
Medford, MA 02155
M&A
Holy shit you’re actually giving us your address??
Also, you two owe me some hugs next time I see you. I will collect interest
Travel safe
Liz
Everything okay?
It will be. We might not be back in Roswell for a while, though.
A
As long as we get to come to you I can live with that
Isobel
Always, Izzy
M
Fly safe. Call me when you get home
Max Evans
Prepare yourselves for lots of care packages. You will regret giving us your address.
Maria
---
Boston City Hall 
August 14th
4:00pm
Consider this your formal invitation.
M&A
YOU ASSHOLES
This is not how you tell someone you’re getting married!
Isobel’s just upset you stole her and Maria’s thunder. Congratulations you two! We’ll be there!
(A little more notice wouldn’t have killed you by the way)
Liz
ELIZABETH
But yes, of course, Isobel and I will be there too. Congratulations!
Love,
Maria
I’ll be there. Jenna’s my +1
WHAT?
What?
...Did we not know about this? I thought we knew about this?
You knew about this
We knew about this
P.S. Michael’s graduating from MIT on the 17th if you want to stay an extra couple of days
ALEX
Wait, what? Since when is Michael at MIT?
Since they moved to Boston so he could go? Keep up, Max
I thought you guys were getting better at the whole communication thing?
Michael, congrats on graduating and congrats to you both on getting engaged. I will try my best to be there but I’m not sure if I can get the time off with such short notice.
Isobel?
I’ll take care of it. He’ll be there
Should I be worried?
No
No
No
I’m officially worried
---
“Look at you,” Maria moseyed up next to him. Michael raised an eyebrow in question. “I was right.”
“About what?”
“I’ve finally seen you smile for real.” She kissed his cheek. “It’s a thing of beauty.” She reached up and played with his tassel. “Congratulations, Michael. You deserve this.” She tapped his new ring. “And this.”
“Thank you,” he replied sincerely, meaning more than just the compliment. Her expression sobered slightly as she picked up on it. “You were a lot stronger than me when I needed it the most. I wouldn’t have any of this if it hadn’t been for you.”
“Eh,” she nudged his shoulder. “I think you would have figured it out in the end.”
“I’m not so sure,” he mused.
She sighed heavily, a laugh clearly on the tip of her tongue. “Well, fine, if you insist. I guess I’ll have to take all the credit for everything good that happens to you.”
“What, don’t I get some credit?” Alex came up on her other side.
“Nope,” Maria shook her head. “I broke up with him so all of the credit for Michael’s success in life and in love is mine.”
Alex nodded solemnly. “I see your point. Yes, this is all thanks to you.” He held the stoic expression for a beat more then broke into a brilliant smile and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” 
Someone, probably Isobel, called her name just then and slipped away from them. Michael hardly noticed, his attention already fixed on his husband. “Hey,” he greeted softly. Alex’s smile softened as he came over and wound his arms around Michael’s waist and kissed him lightly. 
“Hey,” he returned. “I tell you lately how proud I am of you?”
“You might have mentioned it once or twice.”
“Well, I am. And you should be proud of yourself.”
“Thank you for believing in me. Especially when I didn’t believe in myself,” Michael pressed their foreheads together.
“Always.”
“Oi, lovebirds! This ain’t your honeymoon yet!” Trust Rosa Ortecho to ruin a moment. They both started laughing and turned around to face their friends. As they did, they saw that every single one of them had their phones up and were taking pictures of them. 
“Oh that’s perfect,” Isobel declared. “Thank you, Rosa.”
Rosa shrugged. “Happy to help.”
“What?” Michael laughed. 
“I wanted natural smiles!” Isobel explained. “You looked so stiff in the pictures we took earlier.”
Alex exchanged a look with Jenna and before Michael knew it, his cap was gone and his cowboy hat was in its place. “Much better,” Alex grinned. “Come here, cowboy.” Alex grabbed the front of his graduation robe and pulled him into a kiss that Michael was helpless to resist. Even if they were both smiling too wide for it to be a good kiss.
The click of fake shutters echoed around them.
2 attachments
Happiness looks good on you
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bobasheebaby · 4 years
Text
100 Buffy Prompts
I had a lot of fun compiling this list. I was cracking up more than once and now I want to binge Buffy. If there is a show you want let me know because these seriously help me shut of my brain during this covid hell.
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1 “NAME, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good.” – Buffy Summers
2 “I just want to be alone and quite in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.” – Buffy Summers
3 "They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” – Buffy Summers
4 “I don’t know what’s coming next. But I do know it’s gonna be just like this – hard, painful. But in the end, it’s gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we’ll be the one’s left standing.” – Buffy Summers
5 “I don’t handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I’ve had, huh?” – Xander Harris
6 "Just because you’re better than us doesn’t mean you can be all superior.” – Xander Harris
7 “I’m leaning towards blind panic myself.” – Rupert Giles
8 “Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.” – Rupert Giles
9 "With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain." – Spike
10 "Oh, I don't know. Looking in the mirror every day and seeing nothing there...it's an overrated pleasure.” – Angel
11 "Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open it's jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?" – Angel
12 "Anyway, for real now, I'm gonna ask you something, and you gotta promise you'll be honest and not spare my feelings just 'cause I could kill you. You promise?" Faith
13 "You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed.” – Faith
14 "You know, I honestly don't think there's a human word fabulous enough for me.”- Glorificus
15 “I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m — or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.” — Buffy Summers
16 “Seize the moment, ’cause tomorrow you might be dead.” — Buffy Summers
17 “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live.” — Buffy Summers
18 “No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what’s left?” “Me.” — Angelus & Buffy Summers
19 “Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?” – Cordelia Chase
20 “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” – Cordelia Chase
21 “Gee, can you vague that up for me?” – Buffy Summers
22 “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” – Xander Harris
23 “I don’t know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of this moment I officially don’t care.” – Xander Harris
24 “You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?” – Cordelia Chase
25 “I mock you with my monkey pants!” – Oz
26 “Funny how preparing looks an awful lot like sitting on your ass.” – Spike
27 “That’s fairly freaksome.” – Oz
28 “Do you have any tact at all?” – Giles
29 “I’ve known you for two minutes and I can’t stand you.” – Spike
30 “Great. Now I’m gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” – Cordelia Chase
31 “You didn’t happen to take a lot of drugs, did you?” – Willow
32 “I’ve seen honest faces…they usually come attached to liars.” – Willow
33 “Can I be blind, too?” – Xander
34 “Gee, I hope I’m not interrupting anything really depressing.” – Riley
35 “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” – Anya
36 “This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.” – Spike
37 “We’ve got to face it, we’ve changed. Well, not you—you’re still sadistic and self-centered.” – Giles
38 “Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.” – Giles
39 “Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?” – Xander
40 “Do you love me?” “What?” “Do you?” “I love you. I don't know if I trust you.” “Maybe you shouldn't do either.” “Maybe I'm the one who should decide!” — Angel & Buffy
41 “Six a.m.!" NAME cried. "I know that's a number on my clock, but I've never actually been awake to personally witness it!” — Xander
42 “Bored now.” — Vampire Willow
43 “We’ll go be heroes.” — Spike
44 “You have a plan?” “I am the plan.” — Giles & Buffy
45 "Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together." — Buffy
46 "I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready." — Buffy
47 "You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. NAME, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live, for me." — Buffy
48 "Make your choices. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy
49 “Weird love’s better than no love.” — Buffy
50 “The who having wha with huh?” — Buffy
51 “Whatever you choose, you’ve got my support. Just think of me as… as your… You know, I’m searching for supportive things and I’m coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.” – Xander
52 "A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful." Angel
53 "To forgive is an act of compassion, NAME. It's-it's... it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it." — Giles
54 "In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." — Giles
55 "I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters." — Buffy
56 "I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you." — Buffy
57 "Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy
58 "Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own." — Joss Whedon
59 “Out. For. A. Walk… Bitch.” — Spike
60 “You can’t see the stars, love. That’s the ceiling. Also, it’s day.” — Spike
61 “Is everyone here very stoned?” — Spike
62 “I feel safe with you.” [Chokes] “TAKE THAT BACK!” — Dawn & Spike
63 “I love you.” “Oh, my god.” “Hey, no. Look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, NAME. I'm drowning in you.” — Spike & Buffy
64 “Just... give me something. A crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday there's a chance” “NAME ... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.” “Oh, wha-“ [screams, then shouts]  “What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody men/women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?” “Which question do you want me to answer first?” — Spike & Buffy
65 “You can't deny it. There's something between us.” “Loathing. Disgust.” — Spike & Buffy
66 “Could do without the laugh track, NAME.” “But it's so funny. I knew... before you did. I knew you loved the NAME. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.” — Spike & Drusilla
67 “Damn right I’m impure! I’m as impure as the driven yellow snow.” — Spike
68 “I love you.” “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.” — Spike & Buffy
69 “This with you, it’s wrong. I know it. I’m not a complete idiot.” — Spike
70 “You always hurt the ones you love, pet.” — Spike
71 "When I say ‘I love you,’ it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are." — Buffy
72 "I’m just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain." — Buffy
73 "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love." — Buffy
74 "Weird love's better than no love." — Buffy
75 “People don’t fall in love with what’s right in front of them. People want the dream — what they can’t have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.” — Buffy
76 "Trust is for old marrieds, NAME. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes." “Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last." — Spike & Buffy
77 "This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you...you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after" — Angel
78 "I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop" — Angel
79 "If I may suggest, ‘This time it's personal.’ I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic." —Oz
80 "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend NAME jealous, or even the score, or something. And...that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay, I can wait." — Oz
81 "NAME’s our friend...except I don't like him/her.” — Xander
82 "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex ... Help! Four times five is thirty ... five times six is thirty-two ... Naked girls. Naked women ... Naked NAME ... Oh, stop me!" — Xander
83 "Man, NAME! My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta' get me a life!" — Xander
84 “NAME. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?” “As defending champion, you nervous?” — Cordelia & Buffy
85 "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." — Cordelia
86 “Oh please. Like shame is something to be proud of.” — Cordelia
87 “I’m going to give you some advice: get over it.” — Cordelia
88 “Oh, and you’re welcome.” — Cordelia
89 “I’m not a sniveling little cry-NAME. I’m the nastiest guy/girl in PLACE history. I take crap from no one.” — Cordelia
90 “I think it. I say it. It’s my way.” — Cordelia
91 "I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you - for crawling across your face in the middle of the night." — Willow
92 "I don't want danger. Big 'no’ to danger.” — Willow
93 "Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us." — Willow
94 "NAME, I got so lost." "I found you. I will always find you." — Tara & Willow
95 "But you like him/her, and when you think about him/her, you get that good down-low tickle, right?" — Faith
96 "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient." — Faith
97 "Just relax ... and take off your pants." — Faith
98 "I am, you know." “What?" “Yours." — Tara & Willow
99 "I don't have time for bondage fun." - Buffy
100 “It's fine, I don't need to be snuggled.” — Willow
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lilibetts · 5 years
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for Tricks and Treats of Riverdale Theme # whichever freaking one involves spooky shit like possession or whatever.
“So, what are you going to be for Halloween, Jughead?”
It was the question Jughead dreaded the most, especially coming from Betty. 
He had just gotten an afterschool job at the Twilight Drive-In and he’d been working as many hours as he possibly could on top of school and babysitting Jellybean to afford costumes for both of them. But then it turned out they were behind on the phone bill, so he spent most of his money to make sure it was paid up through the next month.
“Uh, it’s a surprise. What about you, Betty? Are you going as Nancy Drew again this year?”
She bit her lip and looked down at her shoes. “No, I decided to change things up now that we’re in high school. So I’m going as a medieval princess, kind of like Game of Thrones but not character-specific.”
Jughead was sure her choice had absolutely nothing to do with how last month Archie had announced he was going as a medieval knight. Then their indecisive friend had changed his mind and picked Spider-Man after Veronica Lodge wouldn’t stop waxing poetic about how yummy Tom Holland was.
“Cool. I guess I’ll see you later tonight?”
“You’d better!” Betty chirped, pontytail swishing violently as she skipped away. She didn’t mean that as anything more than her usual staunch commitment to kindness and friendship. And Betty was friendly with virtually everyone. Jughead sighed miserably as he watched her turn off towards her home.
Ah, the pangs of unrequited love.
He had been living with his crush on Betty Cooper for the better part of four months, which was an eternity in the timespan of a fourteen-slash-fifteen year old boy. And he’d keep living with his crush until it granted him mercy and faded. Or he died of old age. 
Whichever came first.
******************************
Betty stood before her bed, staring down at the costume she’d bought when she thought she would complement Archie’s own, and felt monumentally stupid. What if Archie hadn’t changed his mind and she showed up in this medieval princess gown? She’d look obvious. Everyone would be snickering behind her back about Betty Cooper and her pathetic crush on Archie Andrews.
There was no way she could do this.
Pulling down the ladder, Betty headed up into the attic and started going through the boxes, looking for something radically different that she could pull together at the last minute. It was in an old trunk of her mom’s that she found it: a black leather jacket. It was the last thing she expected her mom to have ever owned but her curiosity was dashed by the figurative lightbulb going off above her head. 
“Yes!” 
Back there, on the clothes rack, there’d been...yes, Polly’s Homecoming dress from last year! It was long, just a shade off-white, and perfect.
Crushes made teenage girls do stupid things, that was true, but that only made moments of determined defiance like this all the more sweeter.
**********************************
“That...is not a medieval princess.”
Jughead took in her outfit with raised eyebrows.
“Well spotted, Jughead.” She smiled even as she rolled her eyes at him. “For your information I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s actually perfect because her name is Buffy Anne and Buffy is a variation of Elizabeth and—”
“—and your middle name is Ann.”
“I didn’t think you remembered my middle name, Juggie.”
“Well I do. Not much escapes this steel trap here.” He rapped his knuckles against his forehead. “Interesting prop you have there, Buffy Cooper.”
She held the wooden stake aloft. “I didn’t have a crossbow lying around, but I did find enough in the garage to fashion myself a stake.” Then she looked him up and down. “You do look rather dashing, Sir Juggie.”
She didn’t mention that his costume had been Archie’s first, one of the many acts of charity from the Andrews family. He was mostly grateful that Betty had changed hers, so that he didn’t seem obviously, pathetically in love with her by matching. 
They were two years too young for couples costumes.
And y’know...not actually together.
************************************
Betty wasn’t entirely aware of it happening. One moment, she was laughing and crossing the street with Jughead, Archie, and Veronica, surrounded by dozens of other trick-or-treaters, the next she was holding her stake at the ready and keeping a careful eye on the four year-old vampire hissing as he ran at a shrieking fairy. 
She managed to fly away and the baby vamp’s mother grabbed ahold of him. “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD! I VANT! I VANT!” He screeched as he kicked and struggled in vain to free himself.
A woman stood in the middle of the street, hysterically crying as she cradled a giant halved avocado. 
Demons, small skeletons, and ghouls of all sorts were running after confused and terrified adults, only for their attacks to be thwarted by a legion of mini superheros. A tiny Captain America with a star-spangled tutu flung her shield at a troll and knocked it out cold.
A bear wearing a blue-and-gold letterman jacket charged down the street and the strange boy crouched next to her...who was apparently Spider-Man...leaped away, slinging webs at the houses as he went. The bear continued to chase him and so Buffy shrugged and turned her attention to the zombies lumbering at a group of scared parents.
No sooner had she slammed one down into the concrete than a dashing knight with a black and gold cape and a sword came to her rescue and dispatched the second zombie. The third found himself floating in the air helplessly while a raven-haired girl with glasses, some kind of private-school uniform, and a purple/black tie pointed a wand at it.
Buffy spun her stake with her fingers and addressed the dark-haired knight wearing, of all things, a gray crown beanie. “Thanks. I’m not usually the damsel type, even if I’m frequently distressed. But if knights in shining armor look like you, then feel free to rescue me anytime.”
“You wouldn’t need to ask, my lady.” The knight bowed low. “If I may ask, what are you called?”
“Me? I’m Buffy Summers.”
“I wouldn’t dare be so familiar. I shall call you Lady Elizabeth.”
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t think anyone’s ever called me a lady, but sure, let’s go with that. And what do they call you, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Delicious?”
“Prince Forsythe Pendleton Jones, the third.”
She whistled. “Sounds like a mouthful.”
He sheathed his sword and gave her a wink and a charming smile. Butterflies erupted in Buffy’s stomach, and for once, it wasn’t monster-related cramps.
********************
Prince Forsythe could hardly tear his eyes away from the strange woman who looked like a princess and yet fought the droves of warped creatures at his side like a warrior. She was clever and very forward. 
“You know,” she said after sending a werewolf flying into some nearby bushes. “It’s kind of a thing around these parts for two warriors to share a kiss after emerging victorious in battle.”
Very forward.
After growing up around the palace and the constraints upon behavior between men and women, Forsythe found Buf- Lady Elizabeth refreshing. “That could be arranged, my lady.”
He tapped the pommel of his sword against the mangled gray skull of...hell, he didn’t have the faintest clue what that being was. But small as it was, it kept growling and trying to eat someone’s pet dog.
The witch with the indecent dress length stuck her finger in the air. “Merlin’s Beard, I’ve got it! I know who the Dark Lord is that’s casted a spell on all of us! You two, hold them off while I duel with Mr. Honey. You! Ginger girl with the candelabra? Keep on running across the lawns, lead the rest of them away!” 
Forsythe twisted around and spotted the lady with flowing red locks and an elaborate nightrail, rushing across the green holding a three-pronged candlestick aloft. 
Lady Elizabeth turned back to him. “FYI, I better be the only one you’re My Lady-ing, because I’m definitely a one-prince woman.” She executed a peculiar spinning kick that was all lethal grace and a sinister red-horned devil became entangled in an enormous spider’s web.
“Of course!” He shot back, insulted that she would think so low of him. “I’m no scoundrel!”
When Lady Elizabeth smiled at him then, it was as if the dark clouds that always followed him had parted, and there shone the sun.
They dispatched the last of the hostile creatures, with the assistance of other tiny, brightly colored warriors, and one very small princess with no qualms about using her scepter as a hammer.
The battle finished, Forsythe drove his sword into the ground and curled his arms around his Lady Buffy, dipping her backwards in a hard and exuberant kiss.
*****************************
Buffy curled her arms around her prince in gray beanie and kissed him back just as enthusiastically. Had she ever had a kiss like this before? Maybe it’d just been so long because of the pressures of being a Slayer. It was hard to have a normal dating life when you had to vanquish the forces of evil every other week, and then pass pop quizzes. 
His lips were so soft against hers, and she felt the tingling all the way down to her toes. Betty gasped against Jughead’s lips, her head feeling strangely fuzzy all of the sudden.
She froze.
Jughead’s lips?
Her eyes flew open, only to see equally startled blue ones staring back at her.
They sprang apart, gaping at each other as they tried to make sense of what had just happened. Betty wasn’t sure how to feel about this development—maybe she was still half in love with Archie, but right now she didn’t exactly feel horrified that she’d kissed Jughead Jones and liked it. A lot.
Jughead didn’t look grossed out either.
They were still staring at each other when Veronica came storming out of a yellow craftsman house down the street, fuming. “Honestly, if you’re going to go around calling yourself ‘Mr. Honey’ that’s pretty much a giant advertisement that the one thing that’ll defeat you is summoning a spray of vinegar!”
Archie limped over to them, mask in hand and his costume torn in several spots. An embarrassed Moose Mason, shirtless save for his ripped jeans and letterman jacket, was a few paces behind.
**********************************
Jughead was doing his best to not be too hopeful about the shy smiles Betty was shooting his way even as they were joined by their friends. Even Cheryl, who glared at them as she stomped past.
“Oh, Bettykins,” Veronica murmured, hugging her best friend. “I’ll never make fun of you and your love of sleuthing ever again.”
“Vindication!” Betty playfully hissed out.
Archie groaned. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’ve had enough of tricks. Let’s go back to mine and treat ourselves to more greasy pizza and fizzy pop.”
Everyone else readily agreed and they started the trek back to the Andrewses. Jughead fished his cell phone out of his pocket and called his mom to check in on her and Jellybean. Both were fine, but his mom was exhausted from chasing ‘Jelly-cat’ all over the Southside.
One block away from Elm street, Betty dropped behind the other three and linked arms with him. Something fluttered in his chest when she grinned over at him.
“So, Prince Forsythe, any regrets about your choice of costume?”
“You know, all things considered, I have to say none at all, Lady Buffy. And you?”
“I don’t know, I have a feeling I’d still have kicked ass as Princess Elizabeth of House Cooper,” she mused.
“No question about it. Shall we, my badass lady? I’ll share a cheese pizza with you.”
“Have more romantic words ever been spoken?” Betty giggled, her arm tightening in his. “Lead on, my brave prince.” 
All in all, it wasn’t that bad of a Halloween. Everyone was mad at the Daeneryses who had ordered their tiny dragons to burn a bunch of the candy (and some houses). The mayor blamed the incident on hallucinogenic drugs being leaked into the water system. Veronica did not handle the lack of recognition for her efforts well. Archie and Moose winced whenever the word ‘bear’ were so much as mentioned. 
And Betty? Starting the following Monday at school, she started waiting at the corner of Dillon and Main for him, so they could walk the rest of the way together. 
Maybe hope wasn’t just for fools after all, even ones named Jughead Jones.
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szopenhauer · 4 years
Text
Do you like Chanel purses? no
When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago
Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? not personally
What is your favorite endangered animall? elephant
Can you name someone with the same last name as you? my parents
Who was the last person to scream your name? ...
By the way, that wasnt meant to be perverted.  too late  I have no idea why I thought about that - no one ever screamed my name this way and nobody ever will :x
Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? it seems Name something that you are doing tonight. nothing and I realized that I don’t want to go to sleep more than ever before, I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow and yet I’m scared of dying (suffering)
Do you like the smell of a barbecue? nah
Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now? too young for me Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? words I guess Do you have an easy time falling asleep? I wish Are you a crier? crybaby Do you like to wear makeup? no Do you have a high tolerance for people? pfft Do you like your bed? why not How many times have you been to the ER? few
Are you wearing shorts? basically never
Do you eat randomly, just whenever the hell you want? ...
Did you have trouble getting up this morning? yeah What’s a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww”? cute little dogs Do you have soft hands? Do you like holding hands? do I? I like to hold hands tho What’s your opinion on perfumes that are REALLY expensive?  dumb, I hate perfume but expensive - that is ridiculous! Have you ever really hated a teacher and practically made it clear you did? Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Are you a little bit cautious around horses? Do they scare you a bit? I’m just a cautious person in general  If you could live next door to ANYONE, who would you want to live beside? love of my life, I mean - we can live together but for now it would be cool if we were neighbors at least, you know what I mean? Do you think your friends are pretty? Do your friends think your pretty? what friends... Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? maybe mom about that one particular thing that starts on S and ends with X
What is your opinion on air pollution? less cars!
Were you forced to read ‘The Odyssey’ in high school? from what I remember
Who was the last person to come visit you? M.
When was the last time you shaved your legs? recently
Do you own any superhero shirts? nope
What is your opinion on the “Team Edward/Team Jacob” shirts? I dislike Twilight
If you had to teach a class, what would you teach? if I really had to then art
How did your parents meet each other? personal
What profession do you think is the most under-appreciated? garbage collectors, those who clean the streets or hospitals, postmen etc.
Have you ever drawn on someone while they were sleeping? don’t do that
Does time really heal all wounds? Or is that just a trivial saying? trivial saying
Where is your favorite place to take a nap? I don’t do naps but my bed
Would you rather lose all your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? not be able to make new
Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I don’t drive
What’s a tradition you hope never dies out? it’s a secret
Do you have any exes you’d consider dating again? I’m dating my ex 
Have you ever went a year without getting your hair cut? yes Do you think you could go a week without sugar? without sweets? I already do, I don’t even drink tea with sugar  Would you be willing to go one day each week without meat? absolutely Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? whatever Are you any good at sewing? I know basics Have you looked at any old photos of yourself lately? this year Do you carry a calculator around with you everywhere? I don’t need it that often Do you like to plan things out or just go with the flow? plan but not strictly
Do you garden at all? If so, what types of things do you grow? I help my parents which I find pointless because there is always much more work than results Do you consider cooking to be an art? when done right How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? too many considering that I barely wear ‘em ^^” Are you a fast or slow reader? fast Would you ever spend $500 on concert tickets? hell no Do you know anyone who looks like you? there was a gal who was similar to me on tumblr but younger than me, I lost contact with her  Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor?  yeah :( Are you a short tempered person? oh well...
Does it take a lot to gross you out? I’m easily grossed out  Last time you seen an ocean: never saw ocean in person Do you collect sea shells? not as much as I used to
What is one change you need to make in your life this month? lets not talk about it, ok?
Would you have sex with the last person you texted? done Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? she’s gonna be busy working Do you require a lot of private time? yasss Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? it’s because I’m a lesbian lmfao If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? in my most fav shows plot was more important to me than characters tbh, it’s hard to explain, I hope I’m not the only one who thinks this way haha but in Buffy I didn’t like Xander and Angel was annoying even though he was necessary, I wasn’t a fan of Faith and didn’t understand Riley existence in the universe, also Dawn changed a lot for worse but I swallowed it with patience, in Call the midwife I felt crappy when they took Chummy and Jenny away, I didn’t watch newest episodes so I have no idea who Lucille and Valerie are, I horribly miss sister Evangelina :(
What’s the best part about flying? don’t ask me, I’ve never been on a plane
Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? fragments
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Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream? vanilla
If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I’d prefer glasses
Are mac’s really better than PC’s? I’m a PC gal
D0 y0u l1k3 t0 t@lk l1k3 a 5c3n3 k1d? *cringe*
When you were red and green clothes do you feel like a Christmas Tree? lol
What TV show has the best theme song? hard choice
New Year’s Plans? I don’t plan to live that long
Would you agree that Sex and The City is the best show ever? no way, I didn’t even care enough to watch one episode of it
Do you call your friends with red hair “ranga’s”? wtf
Have you ever been surfing? me? surfing? r u kidding?
Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? excuse me, I’m into women exclusively
Name a thing in your room that other probably don’t have in theirs: me ha!
What’s your best jacket like? comfy :3
What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? nothing 
If you could pull off any hairstyle, what would it look like? I have couple of ideas ;)
What is the worst thing that happened so far today? my failed appointment as I didn’t get any answers nor help for my heart condition and allergies and that was the last attempt, I have no other ways of fixing things to survive next months, my life;s officially over, I only have suffering and fear left, I’m a burden and I want to kill myself sooner than food or cardiac arrest 
Did that ruin your day? it ruined my LIFE
What’s something good you’re looking forward to? sweet relieve of death?...
What’s something that you think is really cute?
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*wish it was mine
Describe your feet: eww, why, better not
If you see somebody crying, do you start crying too? depends
How do you like your hoodies? oversized, without kangaroo pocket in front and/or a zipper, yuk
Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? it is to me at least
Were you a cute baby? I was a red haired potato
Are you talking to anybody right now? online 
How tall are your tallest socks? I kept my rainbow knee high socks but I don’t use them anymore
Are you waiting for a phone call? at night?...
Do you look forward to swimsuit season, or get really nervous? I was skipping swimsuit seasons for over 10 years until this summer - I bought the cheapest and went to stand/walk in the water and sit on a beach despite my insecurities 
If you could live for a year with any foreign family, where would you go? don’t wanna, scary
What do you wish people would pay you to do? browse the internet XD
Do you take good pictures? I try
Should you be doing something else right now? wash my hair, drink water, commit suicide - who knows
Did that question make you nervous? that question made me sad 
Why don’t girls like porn? some enjoy it 
Tell me a memory of this summer: this summer is all about romantic love, illnesses and nostalgy
Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? a waste but still pretty, sorry love, I know you’d be irritated so don’t worry - I will never do smth like that to ya
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birdlord · 4 years
Text
Everything I Watched in 2019
Movies
The number in parentheses is year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. 
01 The Death of Stalin (17) does a neat trick of building goodwill for Steve Buscemi’s Krushchev, then brutally pays that off in the last few minutes. 
02 Sorry to Bother You (18)
03 Support the Girls (18)
04 Paddington (14)*
05 Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (16)
06 Eighth Grade (18) probably the most terrifying movie I watched all year, if you didn’t watch it through your fingers, who even are you?
07 Morvern Callar (02) much less bleak than the book, but then, nearly anything would be
08 The Favourite (18) revolting and beautiful. 
09 Columbus (17) a really lovely movie about architecture and parent-child relationships.
10 Bring it On (00)*
11 The Land of Steady Habits (18) feels wackier than your average Holofcener, but still a good watch. 
12 Spotlight (15) i was really bowled over by this, and wasn’t expecting to be. Workmanlike filmmaking, but an extraordinary story, well-told.
13 The Killing of a Sacred Deer (17) Barry Keoghan is a blank, but somehow compelling screen presence. This one has an ending that made me bark with laughter.
14 Legends of the Fall (94)
15 Moneyball (11)* if you don’t feel like watching anything in particular, you can always watch Moneyball
16 If Beale St Could Talk (18) very beautiful, but I failed to connect with it on any other level. 
17 For Keeps (88)
18 Abducted in Plain Sight (17)
19 Oscar Shorts (Animated) (18) the offerings were very sappy this year, but the winner was decent! Lots of Toronto content (weird). 
20 Oscar Shorts (Live Action) (18) *unquestionably* the worst one of these won ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
21 Velvet Buzzsaw (19)
22 Vice (18) ugh
23 Friends with Money (06)
24 Can You Ever Forgive Me (18)
25 Bohemian Rhapsody (18) haha what. was. that.
26 Mars Attacks (96)*
27 Paddington 2 (18)
28 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (92)*
29 Shoplifters (18)
30 Blindspotting (18) jacked Ethan Embry in a supporting role?! Whither? Howso? Wherefore?
31 Witness (85)
32 Harry & the Hendersons (87)*
33 The Matrix (99)*
34 T2 Trainspotting (17)
35 Blockers (18)
36 The Slums of Beverly Hills (98)
37 Can’t Hardly Wait (98)*
38 Avengers: Infinity War (18)
39 Iron Man II (10)
40 Isle of Dogs (18)
41 Chinatown (74)*
42 To Live & Die in LA (85)
43 Age of Innocence (93) Daniel Day-Lewis manages to make Newland Archer compelling, where in the novel he’s...the worst?!
44 Shopgirl (05)*
45 The House (17) didn’t sustain all the way through, but then, that’s how mainstream comedies often go. 
46 The Beguiled (17)
47 Badlands (73)*
48 Poetic Justice (93)
49 The Empire Strikes Back (80)*
50 Calibre (18)
51 The Kindergarten Teacher (18)
52 Hounds of Love (17) a nice little Aussie thriller, set in the 80s
53 Kicking & Screaming (95)*
54 Octopussy (83)*
55 Jaws (79)*
56 Lover Come Back (61)
57 Frenzy (72)
58 Always Be My Maybe (19)
59 Certain Women (16) took a while to get to this one, but it’s as great as they say it is. 
60 Baby Driver (17) all flash, little substance.
61 Sneakers (92)
62 Roadhouse (87)*
63 Bull Durham (88)*
64 Ghostbusters (84)*
65 Booksmart (19) I think this will improve on multiple viewings, though I loved the soundtrack and the mix of characters. 
66 Hereditary (18)
67 Rebecca (40) George Sanders as Rebecca’s cousin is BRILLIANT
68 Vertigo (58)*
69 The Dead Don’t Die (19)
70 Crawl (19)
71 Dazed & Confused (93)* If you don’t watch this once a summer, what is wrong with you?
72 Jackie Brown (97)
73 Talk Radio (88)
74 The Guilty (18)
75 Killing Heydrich (17)
76 Lady Bird (17)*
77 Billy Elliot (00)*
78 White House Down (13)* Channing Potatum saves the White House!
79 The Film Worker (17)
80 Whitney (18)
81 Mascot (16)
82 Apocalypse Now (79)* technically I’d only seen the Redux version from the early 2000s, so the regular cut is new to me. 
83 Apollo 13 (95)*
84 Psycho 2 (83) the twist is very guessable, but there are a couple of nice-looking scenes.
85 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (04)*
86 The Bodyguard (92)*
87 Murder Mystery (19)
88 Wildlife (18)
89 The Stepford Wives (75)*
90 Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (71)*
91 The Natural (84)
92 The Other Boleyn Girl (08)
93 Speed (94)*
94 Opera (87)
95 That’s my Boy (12) haha what?!
96 The Big Short (15)
97 Elizabeth the Golden Age (07)
98 The Glass Castle (17) when I read the book, I genuinely thought it was fiction, it’s so insane. 
99 Dawn of the Dead (78)*
100 All About Eve (50) lady on lady violence is a special thing
101 La La Land (16)
102 Morning Glory (10) remember Rachel McAdams?
103 Casino (95)*
104 Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (06)
105 Pet Sematary (19)
106 Clue (85)*
107 Her Smell (18) amazing soundtrack and the songs were well-chosen. Heartbreaking musical moment in the final act. 
108 Bobby Sands: 66 Days (16)
109 She’s Gotta Have it (86)
110 Good Morning (59)
111 Hustlers (19) I didn’t connect with this as much as the reviews led me to believe I might. 
112 Nocturnal Animals (16)
113 Kill Bill Vol 1 (03) I’d only ever seen the second one before, being a non-Tarantino completionist.
114 Fried Green Tomatoes (91)* I watch this more than anticipated...
115 Steel Magnolias (89)
116 Notting Hill (99)*
117 A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (19) the tiny city models were inspired!
118 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89)*
119 Let It Snow (19)
120 Frozen (13)
121 The Irishman (19) most interesting as a sort of pastiche/reckoning on the part of Scorsese about his other gangster films. Really outmoded view of unions. Definitely could have been edited down if anyone were able to come to it without undue reverence, but I did love the bit about the fish.
122 Girls Trip (17) actual plot is beside the point. 
123 About a Boy (02)* I always think of this as the “vomit and sweaters” movie, anyone else?
124 Animal House (78)*
DOCUMENTARY : FICTION - 4:120
THEATRE : HOME - 9:115
TV Series
01 Russian Doll - I think I would have enjoyed this more if it hadn’t been bingeable - would have made a nice week-by-week discussion sort of show. I loved to watch the changes between re-ups of our major characters, and I think the actual plotting would reward re-watches. 
02 Catastrophe S4 - A satisfying ending to an excellent show, with very charismatic leads (and deeply weird supporting characters). Had to write around Carrie Fisher’s death, and I’m sure did a better job of it than Star Wars did. 
03 Friends from College S2 - More of the same, which is what I was after. A show like cotton candy (but with more infidelity). 
04 High Maintenance S3 - A lot more of this season took place outside of New York City, which was a great change of pace. And a great deal more information about The Guy and his own life; both difficulties and successes included. 
05 Losers - This was a great little docuseries on Netflix that I didn’t hear a lot of people talking about - it’s about sports losses, but unusual sports ie curling, figure skating and the like. You’d think it would get repetitive, being as it’s always about recovering after loss, but it doesn’t! I wish they would make another season….
06 Shrill - a tight six episode dramedy about an alt-weekly journalist in the Pacific Northwest, based on Lindy West’s memoir of the same name. John Cameron Mitchell as her boss (based on Dan Savage) stands out of the ensemble cast, as does Annie’s roommate played by a British standup Lolly Adefope.
07 Broad City S5 - I haven’t always kept up with Broad City, but I came back to it for its final season, and thought it did a good job of setting its characters up for big changes in their lives. 
08 I Think You Should Leave - It’s easy to assume that all sketch comedy is terrible and always will be, but then you see this, and throw your TV out the window (due to all the laffs)
09 Fleabag S2 - Everything you’ve heard is true, this season is goddamn hilarious and ridiculously sexy. A huge step up from the first season, which was already pretty fantastic and incisive. 
10 Fosse/Verdon - Musicals are not particularly my bag, so I’m sure there was a lot that I missed in terms of references, but the lead performances ably carried me through all of the time jumps and various performances. 
11 Stranger Things S3 - Say it after me: d-i-m-i-n-i-s-h-i-n-g r-e-t-u-r-n-s! Maya Hawke kills it, though. 
12 Big Little Lies S2 - Unnecessary, and (if possible) even sillier than the first season.
13 Lorena - Part of the ongoing quest to rehabilitate the maligned women of the 1990s, this gave me tons of context that I had no idea about at the time, due to being a dumb kid. 
14 Glow S3 - I felt like I was losing steam on this series this year, but episodes like the camping ep kept me coming back. A great ensemble, though some unusual character choices (like a certain kiss *cough*) took me out of it by times. 
15 Lodge 49 S1-3 - I’d kept hearing about this show, so I finally sought it out. I can’t say it was amazingly compelling (I almost dropped it after the first season) but it’s definitely an oddball of a show, slipping from setpiece to setpiece with little regard for logic. For me, a background show. 
16 Chernobyl - This show really gave me the Bad Feeling, humans were definitely A Mistake.
17 On Becoming a God in Central Florida - Kiki in a trashy mode, not as infinitely appealing as the version she pulled off in the second season of Fargo, but scrappy and industrious nonetheless.
18 Show Me a Hero - I’d put off watching this for years, it felt like it was going to be too dull (housing policy in Yonkers?) but it’s great, and larded up with Bruce Springsteen songs, obvs.
19 Great British Bake Off S9-S10 - I’d also held off on watching this for a long time, out of loyalty to Mel, Sue, and Mary Berry. But I needed some comfort viewing towards the end of the summer, and the new hosts and judge do an able job, although the show’s tropes are feeling a bit well-worn at this point. 
20 Righteous Gemstones S1 - A rollicking ride for sure, with a great cast. Your mileage/patience with Danny McBride may vary, so keep that in mind, naturally. 
21 This Way Up S1 - A small show starring the fabulous Aisling Bea, about mental health and families and some nice comic physical acting. Oh, and in case you were watching The Crown and crushing on Tobias Menzies’ version of Prince Phillip, he plays a hot dad love interest in this, which gives you all the Tobias you’re looking for, without the PP racisms. 
22 The Crown S3 - This is the first season of the big cast switchover, and I thought it stuck reasonably well, once we were in it an episode or two. This season concentrated even less on Elizabeth herself, preferring her sister, husband, and (newly!) her children.
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prose-for-hire · 3 years
Text
Smile, though your heart is breaking
Pairing: Bi!Cordelia Chase x fem!reader; Xander Harris x Cordelia Chase; Xander x fem!reader (familial/platonic)
Request: hi! i already requested some cordy x reader but i have another idea, if i may! could i have a fic where reader is Xander’s sister, and she walks in on them kissing. reader has a crush on cordy and xander knows this. cue angst and sibling fights 😭!
Requested by: Anon
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You had a crush on Cordy. You had played it off as silly and fleeting at first, but as you became closer friends it grew.
She was the reason you realised that you liked women. Discovered and began to love yourself and your sexuality. She was such a gift to you and yet she never knew.
A while after, you told Xander about your sexuality. He was shocked, struggling to comprehend it but he held you in a hug. Showing you that you would always be his sister, even if he was still coming to terms with your news himself.
Eventually you came out to the others. Everyone except Cordy. You weren’t prepared for her not to want to be your friend anymore. You were scared of the rejection. You adored her so much, you were happy with platonic so long as you could be close with her.
The others supported you and those that were unsure at first slowly got more used to it. They loved you, you were such a good friend, a big part of your close-knit little group. Things were going well.
Months later, as you sat on the bleachers with Xander and your friends watching a school football game, he turned to look at you and saw you staring at the cheerleaders.
“Stare much?” He muttered.
“I was trying to, um, pick up the routine” You offered, smiling at him.
“Oh yeah, ‘course. You’re so gay, y/n” He joked, showing how far he had come. How much more comfortable he was with you. He was the only one allowed to tease you though, if anyone else did he got really annoyed.
“Shut up, Xander” You shoved his shoulder and he mock-surrendered. The others all knew now and smiled along with your sibling squabbling.
When the game was over, you and your friends all walked back together. Buffy, your brother, Willow and Cordelia walked with you towards your respective homes. You were in good spirits, it was a rare night where there were no demons or anything. You could just relax and have a nice time.
You lit up when Cordy specifically moved through your little crowd to walk beside you. You giggled together and she gave you one of her pom-poms to hold as you walked almost completely in-step. She spoke to you a lot nicer than she did with anyone else, you were probably the one Scooby that could claim that you were genuinely good friends with her.
She offered you a lift back home in her car that she had parked a few blocks away because so many people were parked in the usual lot. You declined, starting to get nervous that she would find you really lame. Not to mention Xander would have to come too and they just got into a insult-slinging contest when they were both together.
Cordy looked a little disappointed but shrugged and waved goodbye before getting into her car. You regretted it instantly. You could have given Xander the code and told him to walk, but he probably would have insisted to come in the car just to annoy you.
You watched her drive away before you realised that she had left you with the pompom and you smiled down at it. It was like she trusted you. You had a piece of her to take home with you. You smiled the entire way home and Xander thought you had gone mad. Later in the evening, you decided to admit that you were crushing on her. Really hard.
“I think I’m in love” You whispered to Xander, in case anyone else was in the house and could hear through walls. You were both brushing your teeth, a little tradition you had left over from when you were growing up. You used to do everything together.
“Oh yeah? Poor girl” Your brother teased. You rolled your eyes and spat into the basin.
“I’m being serious! I wanna hold her hand and touch her face and-” you started to stare dreamily off into the distance before he interrupted.
“Please say somethin’ normal like have sex with her”
“I want to cherish her, hold her! Tell her that I love her” You frowned at him for being crude. You wanted a love story with her, she was so special to you.
“Who is she then?” Xander asked while the toothbrush was still in his mouth.
“Cordelia” You smiled.
“Not the devil in designer boots!” he was genuinely surprised at this.
“She’s not like that!” You insisted and he gave you a look before you left him to go to bed. He continued to tease you mercilessly about it for the rest of the week. You wished you hadn’t said anything, Xander had never really been a fan of Cordelia.
Although, what you didn’t realise was that somewhere after you had revealed your crush on Cordy, Xander and her had started to steamily make-out in secret. Whenever they got the chance. Today, it had been in a deserted art classroom.
You had been sent there to steal some paper for Giles for the library. There was an inter-department free-for-all on paper and Giles was currently losing the battle.
You opened the door, your intuition giving you a bad feeling. But you walked in anyway. Just in time to see your brother sticking his tongue down Cordy’s throat.
“Oh” Was all you said before you backed away, slammed the door and ran. Tears blurred your eyes as you sprinted, letting your legs take you as far away as you could.
The pair sprung apart immediately. They walked around everywhere looking for you. They squabbled and almost bit each other’s heads off over it. Neither of them had ever wanted you to see that, for very different reasons.
Eventually, when they had stopped an entire football practice by shouting at each other in the middle of the pitch they decided it was better if they split up and looked for you.
Xander found you in the late afternoon, sobbing into a book. You had made your way back to the library after hiding in the bathrooms for most of the day.
You had decided to cry in a change of scenery. Giles had insisted you really didn’t need to be there researching but you said you wanted to help. Or, he thought that’s what you said he couldn’t really hear over all the crying noises.
You were heartbroken. Twice over.
Giles had tried twice to take the book you were leaning over, he wanted to save the pages from water damage. But you had insisted on helping and he didn’t want to make you cry harder. He had retired in his little adjoining office. Crying made him uncomfortable and he was fond of you which made him feel worse for you.
“Y/n! God, I’ve been looking everywhere!” Xander said. As if he didn’t have a care in the world. You stood up, closing the book shut with a soggy snap. Giles took his glasses off and cleaned them, he wanted to come and give Xander a piece of his own mind once you had explained what had happened. However, as you started to speak, he knew you could handle your brother.
“You knew how I feel about her! You knew and you still-” You tried to calm yourself down, but your next sentence came out angrier and even louder, “You don’t even like each other for fuck sake!” Your voice echoed around the empty library.
“Woah, hey, y/n calm down” he said, waving both of his hands out to try and get you to be quieter. He didn’t want people to know why you were shouting. He was embarrassed. It made you feel even worse.
“Are you kidding?! Calm-?” Your temper was rising and you didn’t know if your relationship with him was going to survive this, “You know how much I like her and you just let me talk about it over and over like some idiot! All the while you were kissing her behind my back!”
“Y/n, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t even know it was that serious” Xander shrugged, but he did feel guilty. But he would have done it again, he knew it. Kissing her was fun.
He did become more guilty, especially so when Cordy had explained to him that she was bisexual and he had neglected to tell you. Which, on one hand of course it wasn’t his place but on the other he had done this for entirely selfish reasons.
“You liar! You’re so selfish Xander Harris! I hate you!” You screamed, shoving him away when he tried to rest a hand on your elbow.
You felt so betrayed. You were disappointed in him. He was supposed to be family. Your own brother. He supported you but only so long as it benefitted him. He loved you, but he still whether intentionally or not blocked you from even trying to date the woman you were interested in.
You stormed off, barely missing that you passed Cordelia in the corridor. She had heard everything. But you had tears in your eyes, blurring your vision. You needed to get out of there.
You stayed at Willow’s. You told her everything and Willow explained what she had heard from Xander. Your best friend was completely on your side.
She told you a secret that night, one you kept hidden from the others until she was ready. You bonded over the things you had been hiding. But, you weren’t so sure your affection for Cordelia was hidden anymore.
This was confirmed to you when Willow came up to her room and told you that you had a visitor. You frowned, not sure who it could be. You skipped down the stairs, having put yourself in a better mood with your best friend by your side.
But you stopped as you descended, and you swear your heart did too when you saw her standing there. The light hit her face perfectly, she was glowing. As always.
She smiled, shakily. The corners of her eyes crinkled in that way you adored when she was truly happy. But, why would she be happy to see you? After everything she had found out.
“Cor, what are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. Is that a crime?” She said a little more half-hearted than she usually would. She seemed almost nervous to face you.
“No, except you did once say that if you were ever seen dead in whatever frumpy bungalow that willow lived in-”
“I know what I said, I didn’t really mean it. They’re just words” She shrugged, interrupting you. She forgot half of the mean things she said sometimes.
“Okay…” You said a little awkwardly. You knew that she knew. So, you thought it better to just let her speak. It was one of her favourite hobbies, after all. A hobby you usually loved, she turned insults into an art form.
“I’m here because-” She took a deep breath, this was so important to her she couldn’t get it wrong, “Because I like women. Uh, but mostly I like you.”
“You… like me? Is this some kind of sick joke?”
“No! I only- I know this makes me look so totally heinous but I only got close with Xander because I wanted to get close to… you”
“You got bored of one sibling and wanted to hop onto the next? I don’t think that I’m comfortable with that” You explained truthfully. It was weird to you.
It was all you had ever wanted her to say, but it was still just so alien to you at the moment. As if you were dreaming. You were ten seconds away from pinching yourself because it felt too good to be true.
“I just wanted you to know, I had nothing to lose anymore. I broke it off with him as soon as I heard what you said” She explained, referring to hearing the way you felt.
“I-I need some time” you explained, your thoughts still spinning so fast around your head that you were starting to get dizzy.
“Anything, for you” Cordy nodded her voice barely above a whisper as she opened her arms to you. You almost fainted in shock, bowling her over as you embraced her. She wrapped her arms around you, inhaling happily.
She had wanted this for so long and you never even knew. She had stolen glances when you weren’t looking. Watched you from afar and imagined detailed fantasies of being close to you. Perhaps even kissing you. She had even gotten way too close to your brother in an attempt to learn more about you. She had been lonely, it was her only explanation.
You moved from the close hug and she wasn’t able to stop herself from grinning. You wanted to trust her, but you weren’t there yet. You needed a change to sort through your own feelings.
She turned and left and you watched her go. Things weren’t great with your brother. Your friendship group was fractured. But as you watched her turn back and wave at you, you had something special starting.
It started small in the back of your mind, but it was slowly growing. Hope.
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platypus-quacks-too · 5 years
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*Deep breathe*
Here we are. Roughly 16 hours later, a storm of emotions still going on, sleepless, here I am. One last time. Not that I think the world needs to read my stance, but I need to write down as much as I can. Shall we go? Let’s go.
* As you probably understood at this point, I loved it. Was it perfect? No. Did I wish [lists of stuff]? Yes. Do I agree with those couple of things we all know? Controversial but I am okay. But just like the overall show, the final balance is good. I am good. I say goodbye with happy tears. That was really all I wanted.
* I am SO relieved they won in the end. Of course we all dreamed of it, it seemed close but... you can never tell. At a certain point I had convinced only Amy would have won, or some sort similar odd thing. I was just extremely happy when they received that call. My babies. I am so proud.
* We were all Leonard slapping Sheldon LOL Filed under: the things I didn’t know I wanted until I saw them
* First tweepadock in the room: Amy’s makeover. Now, if you are around these places long enough, you probably remember I’ve never been a fan of this idea. Remember, when Mayim said she would have liked an Ugly Duckling sort or plot? Or like when two days ago I published a story with the same identical premise, but took a whole different stance? (I swear I was unspoiled!!! Steve, stop lurking our fics LOL). The plot twist here? I actually enjoyed what they have done. Look, I think Amy is a phenomenal person, who doesn’t need to be defined by what she wears. I love herstyle, I love her grandma’s clothes. Sheldon thinks the same (and he explicitly said it <3). But... I understand it can be tricky to find the right balance between how one is and how you appears. Sometimes you try to be prettier (whatever this means) more for yourself than the others. At a certain point, Amy says a very powerful thing: she won’t change back because of her man. People’s comments may have triggered her change at first, but she ultimately did it for herself. And the change itself? Except for the first outfit (it was cool, but it wasn’t much her), all the other clothes fit her so well. It was different, but it was still Amy. A prouder, even more confident, fiercer Amy. I love it. (Don’t get me started on the short hair because- well, you know).
* No, really, I love short-haired Amy.
* THE ELEVATOR. It had become some sort of recurring joke the fact they would fix it in the last episode and well, when it turned out it was effectively so I was WOW. I loved that in the short presence in the show it has already managed to be the center of some funny scene. The bit alone with everyonetrying to fit in? Classical physical comedy and I loved it so much.
* I liked they returned to the Cheesecake factory one last time. * ‘You made sex as many times as my fingers’ ‘These times more, the new avengers trailer’ Bring me the fic of Sheldon worked up by the Avengers trailer, please and thank you. Also I appreciate they addressed shamy coitus one last time at least.
* Amy casually wearing her nobel dress home and longing on the couch barefoot and with her tiara is my aesthetic. The bit when she stops Sheldon before putting it on? Awwww. My girl. That’s my girl.
* Aaaand second tweepadock: Penny’s pregnancy. This, I definitely didn’t see it coming. For one side, I am not a fan of a whole season telling us she doesn’t want them and suddenly she is pregnant. It’s Bernadette all over again. On the other side, just like Bernie... she seems to have changed her mind somehow? Look, I think they would have done better if she remained childless. On the other hand, please always remind that whenever you defend the right of a woman to not wanting babies, you have to defend her right to change her mind too. It happens. One way and the other. Was this absolutely some fanservice to make fans happy? Yes. There’s something wrong with this? No. If this week taught me something is that fanservice is not the evil thing people like to tell. As long as you show me these characters are happy with that... screw whatever, they’re happy. And yes, at the end the mention of the smart and beautiful babies made me cry, okay?
* Again on the pregnancy department: we didn't have any announcement for Shamy. And I am okay with this. Honestly, they had so much going on already that this would have been a little too much. And anyway, we know for sure these babies exist, I am happy. Also, I am 100% confident that the fact a show over the their father's childhood is still on air will mean we will know some more about them sooner or later. So, it's okay. Sure, I wish we had seen their reactions. But they cannot ruin a dream if it remains so, no?
* And to close the babies realm, Halley and Michale!!! That was unexpected. Awwww. Especially Halley is so cute. Does she look a lot like the actress playing young Bernie in YS? Lovely, lovely.
* Are we all ignoring the highly disturbing and LOL fact that Amy for a long second implied Penny's baby was Sheldon's? I was WTF Amyyyy!!!! I am still elaborating.
* Last tweepadock in the room: ranu. A tiny part of me still hoped something could change, but nope... but at least they didn't put him with some random character thrown there at the last minute, so as long it will stated otherwise, he reunited with Anu some time later and I will fight whoever says otherwise.
* Buffy LOL Silly, unexpected last cameo. It was fun though. When Sheldon interrupted his Nobel speech to acknowledge her I cracked LOL
* 139 and half hours. It gets even funnier the moment you know it’s the total sum of running time of the whole series.
* Amy's speech was short but great. I am so proud of both, but I am so proud of her. I loved she had her chance to be an amazing example for women. Kids, look at her, she is great. * And tbh they were both so gorgeous and proud and beautiful.
* My shamy heart exploded when Sheldon looked at Amy and told her I love you in front of the whole world. Their eyes. Their faces as they come close. The little kiss, that was so sweet. There’s a brief moment right before that he looks at her and his eyes sparkle. Gooddamn, my babies won the Nobel and this came out their love. How glorious is this?
* Finally, Sheldon's speech. I have so many feelings about it. I truly think it was a turning point for him. Sure, he changed and grown so much over the years. But I felt like he truly, totally, absolutely embraced the best part of himself on that stage. The part that loves and ultimately brought him there. He sincerely thanks all the people in his live, he truly acknowledge them. It was moving, sweet, and glorious. I am grateful the last scene of the show is actually a big I love you these characters tell each other. A tribute to friendship, love, and the families you make along the road. Can you believe that Sheldon Lee Cooper very last line in the show is ‘Thank you’?  
* A small parenthesis about that last scene at the end of YS (fun, I said the same thing last year LOL). It connected and mirrored perfectly the main show’s ending. Sheldon wants the lonely neutrino wins. It turns out, the aggregating quarks win. I admit this was where I truly lost it and started to cry. As I saw the younger versions of my beloved (one day you’ll hear my ted talk about how perfect everyone is and LITTLE AMY READING LITTLE PRAIRIE BOOK fadjkfsjkfsekjfsk) - anyway, as I saw them and Shedon’s closing words. Ugh. They are quarks. Filed under, why I love this dumb show(s).
* Last. The tag. Oh my. You know, sometimes I dreamed about the very end. It was usually something very close to this. All of them around that table, eating or playing, together and happy. Sometimes the kids were also in the picture, sometimes they don’t (I’d say it was both true and false, as baby Lenny was actually there in Penny’s belly).(Oh, Penny also wears the same tank top she has in her very first scene). And when I saw that right in front of me, with that beautiful version of the theme on the background... simply the seven (and a half) of them, happy and in love and successful (shamy’s medals!!!) There wasn’t a better way to end it. It was the only right way to end it. Thank you. Goodbye, my friends.
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My fandoms and my favorite characters and ships
I’m going to talk about all my fandoms and my top one or two characters from each fandom, and my top OTP from each one, if I have any. I’m going in order from when they entered my life. 
Star Trek: The Next Generation
I watched TNG when it first aired in 1987. It was my first fandom and my most time honored fandom. I literally grew up watching it as a child, until it ended in about 1994, when I was about 10. I didn’t know about ships or OTPs or anything back then (no internet cuz you know... it was the 80′s and I was a child). But I did have my favorites: 
Favorite Characters
Captain Picard: Seriously Picard is awesome. He was my first role model. He always had an important lesson to teach and he always did the right thing. I had tons of different Captain Picard action figures.
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Dr. Crusher:  She was probably my very first girl crush. I seriously loved Dr. Crusher. I thought she was tough and smart. In the 80s, when women were beginning to be able to go to college and stuff, she was especially important because she was the Chief Medical officer. She had an important role on the ship.
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OTP: It shouldn’t come as a surprise that my OTP for TNG is Picard and Crusher. I wanted them to get together so bad!! My favorite episode was “attached” an episode in season seven where the two of them were stranded on a deserted planet and could hear each other’s thoughts. They learned about their intimate dreams and their feelings for each other.
Star Trek Deep Space Nine: 
Deep Space Nine is near and dear to me because it was MY show. I watched it as a young teenager. It was there for me when I was dealing with some dark times in my life, and dealing with the challenges of being a teenager. it was the first fandom that I wrote fan fiction for. Of course, there was no internet then either, so it was just on notebooks and those notebooks have been lost in time. But even now, Deep Space Nine is my default when I can’t decide what to watch. Its my comfort zone, it’s where I feel safe. It was also one of the first times I felt moved by a show ending. I mourned TNG but I was too young. DS9 left just a void and there was no netflix to take comfort in, so no reruns.
Kira Nerys
I loved Kira so much! She was so bad ass. I seriously wanted to be her back in the day. She had a quick temper and she could be stubborn but she had a very tough past. She was a terrorist. She fought for her people’s freedom and she cared deeply for her planet. She dealt with some serious trauma and PTSD because she had been fighting as a resistance fighter since she was a child. It’s all she knew. Living in caves, starving, surviving. She taught me how to be resourceful, my favorite quote is when she said if you need a hammer, use a wrench. 
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Constable Odo
Odo was the sheriff in town. He cared about justice and getting at the truth and he tended to be very hardline about it. He took his work very seriously. I loved his banter with Quark. Odo was the observer, he was on no one’s side but he didn’t hesitate to give his opinion and he wasn’t a fan of authority. He did things his way.
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OTP: Kira and Odo! I shipped them so hardback in the day! I knew they had something from the very beginning. In season one I shipped them. I was waiting through the whole show to see them be canon, only to be crushed when Odo left in the series finale! That kiss on the promenade was probably the best thing that ever happened to me!
Star Trek Voyager
I admit I didn’t get into Voyager right away. I was mourning for DS9 and couldn’t handle any more Star Trek spin-offs at the time. So I didn’t get into it until it had already been syndicated. But when I did, it definitely hit me hard. I was going through my early community college years, making friends, I met my husband around this time. I moved away from my parents. There were a lot of changes in my life so VOY came into my life at an important time.
Captain Janeway
Of course, I love her! She’s the captain! She’s smart, she’s tough, and she doesn’t take crap from anyone. She was another huge role model in my life. She was a scientist and a leader. Her crew mattered the most to her and it was through her that I learned about sacrifice and bravery. 
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Commander Chakotay
I liked Chakotay. I liked his spiritual side. I happen to be part Native American so that’s something I related to him with. He was a strong sensitive type. The warrior. 
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OTP: Janeway and Chakotay of course! I wanted them to get together so bad! It kills me when they had so many close chances that never happened. I mean it was so clear that they loved each other and that Chakotay/Seven thing at the end was a total slap in the face to us Janeway/Chakotay fans! I still hate the writers for that! it totally ruined the series finale for me.  
X-files: So begins the era of stuff that husband introduced me to, starting with X-files. I had never watched it back when it was on because I only had eyes for Star Trek, but my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, introduced me to pretty much every fandom from here on out. X-files was his show, its what he grew up on. 
Scully: I’m a total Scully girl. I love her! She’s a scientist and she wears a gun. Total badass! And I love that even though her scientific mind, she was also spiritual which, as a pagan, I can relate. She knows that she is in a male-dominated occupation but she doesn’t let it bother her and isn't afraid to give people a piece of her mind.
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Mulder
You can’t have Scully without Mulder! I love how dedicated to the cause he was. And my husband and I have this on going joke that whenever you see a top secret secured area you have to wonder if Mulder has broken into it yet. Cuz he always manages to get to places where he isn’t exactly supposed to be. 
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OTP: Mulder and Scully of course! Mulder may be a goof ball but he has said some of the most romantic, amazing things. “You were my constant” that whole speech right there was amazing.
Lord of the Rings
My husband introduced me to Lord of the Rings. I never read the books until I met him and even then, I’ve only read the Fellowship, but I loved the movies. They are my ultimate sick day splurge. I plan a LOTR/hobbit marathon when I get sick. 
Aragorn: I think we are seeing a pattern. I like the leader types. The warriors. Which is why I love Aragorn! Also, I’ve always had a thing for guys with long hair so there’s that. But yeah, Aragorn is the sensitive, courageous warrior but he also has this self-doubt. He worries that he won't live up to what everyone knows he must become. 
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Faramir
The younger brother to Boromir. I hate how Faramir’s father treated him and I think it’s sad how he still looked up to him and to his brother. He was brave but he had a kind heart and he deserved better than Denethor.
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OTP: To be honest, I didn’t really ship anyone from Lord of the Rings. 
Rurouni Kenshin
I’ve never really been into anime but this is the one exception. And of course, my husband introduced me. He’s been a fan of the anime and the manga. I like this anime for it’s historical content. I am a history major and I love fandoms that make the setting a big part of the show. Like the setting itself is a character too, and this was certainly true in Kenshin. Meiji Japan was a character in the show in many ways. I really loved how it tied history into everything, describing Japan’s beginning of imperialism and its rise that would eventually put it on the world stage.
Kenshin
Kenshin is my favorite character! The wandering Samurai who just wants to protect people. He’s the warrior type just like all my other favorites. 
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OTP: I didn’t really ship anyone, although I did have a soft spot for Kenshin/Kauru and Sanosuke/Megumi.
The Legends of Drizzt
My favorite book series of all time! I got so obsessed with the Drow through reading these books. My favorites were the first books about Drizzt and his homeland. This is also the first fandom my friend and I got really into and started RPGs with. WE had done RPGs with Voyager and X-files crossovers but this was probably the longes RPG series we did.
Drizzt Do’Urdon: Drizzt and Kenshin have a lot of similarities. Drizzt is another warrior type. He was abused by his female-dominated society until he finally had the courage to do what few drow ever did- leave. He faced hatred and discrimination on the surface because everyone feared the Drow.
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OTP: I didn’t really ship anyone. I liked Drizzt/Cattie-brie and I thought it would have been nice if he got to reconcile with Ellifain and maybe they could have been together, but that’s all.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
I wouldn’t say I am a hardcore Buffy fangirl, but I love the show. My sisters were really obsessed with it back in the day and they both know every single episode by heart. My husband is a huge fan so he finally got me to watch it. 
Willow Rosenburg
Willow’s my favorite! She’s nerdy, geeky, and witchy. She’s been Buffy’s number one and she’s no side kick, she can handle her own. I was a nerd in school, and still am so I get her.
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OTP: I liked Buffy and Angel and Willow and Tara. I also thought maybe Xander and Spike would have been cool, or maybe Xander and Andrew.
The Hobbit
I loved the Hobbit movies despite the criticism. They were my first attempt at publishing fiction online. I have a bunch of my old Hobbit fics on Fan Fiction.net still. I also have saved some of my all time favorite Hobbit fics. I love the brotherly love between Fili and Kili and fan fic writers did such a good job of capturing it!
Fili
I am on the ‘justice for Fili’ team for sure. I seriously feel like Fili deserved way more than what he got in the movies. The third movie irritated me because Fili hardly got a part. It’s like he wasn’t even there. Fili was Thorin’s heir and I just think fan fiction does a way better job of giving him the love he deserved. 
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Kili
I loved Kili. He’s the younger brother so he feels he has to prove to Thorin- his hero- that he can do what needs to get done. I think it hurt him to be left behind.
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OTP: No OTPS here, I don’t really ship anyone. I wasn’t a fan of the Kili/Tauriel thing at all. When I write Hobbit fics, I have these OCs I have been using for years that I ship with Fili and Kili but that’s all.
Supernatural
Last but not least! Supernatural is my last fandom. I’ve been a part of it for about three or four years. It’s my most current, the one I’m into the most at the moment. After it ends, that will be it! No more fandoms for me, all my fandoms will be things of the past. But my husband introduced me to it. He and I both have an interest in theology so that’s why we got into it, for all the angel and religious aspect. I like the mystic stuff, and I like how angels and demons are these different species with their own rules and such. That is the thing I’ve always loved about science fiction and fantasy- I love learning about non human cultures. I like learning how their society is. 
Hannah
Hannah is my current crush these days. I love her. I pretty much think she is a goddess. I have so many reasons. I love that she is a soldier and she’s tough, I love that she has flaws but that she’s brave. Her inner conflict was the best part of her character, how she struggled with her sense of law and justice and with her emotions. She seemed to struggle a lot with trying to process the things she felt. I can honestly say that she is the closest I’ve ever seen to a female person with autism in any of my fandoms. That’s why I love her so much, I relate to her on such a personal level, being autistic myself. She inspires my writing and my art so much. She’s probably my favorite character out of all my fandoms right now. I’ve never related to a character more than I do to her. She is the character I love to play the most because she feels comfortable to me. 
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Castiel
When it comes to team free will, I am a Cas-girl all the way! Who doesn’t love that adorable little angel? I feel like Castiel’s whole time on the show has been so sad. He rebelled for his friends and ever since then, it’s been one disaster after another with him and even now when season 15 is about to come out, I don’t think he’s ever found true happiness, and that hurts. He misses being an angel and it hurts that they don’t accept him for who he is. I’ve tried to touch upon Castiel’s emotional health a lot in my writing because I don’t think the show does a good job of addressing it. He has done so much for the Winchesters but I don’t think he’s happy with how his life is now, especially after the end of the last season. 
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OTP: Castiel and Hannah! My ultimate hardcore forever OTP. I truly believe Castiel loved Hannah and its clear that she loved him. She is one of the few people in Castiel’s life who seemed to truly, honestly want to address his needs. She literally begged him multiple times to take care of himself, and in true Winchester fashion, was willing to let Metatron out and this sacrifice the world, just to save Cas. She’s one of the few angels who cared about Castiel, even knowing what he’s done, none of that bothered her. In the beginning when they first met, when all the other angels wanted to kill him, she didn’t care what he had done and only left when she thought he had betrayed them and was quick to come back to him when she found out the truth. I love Castiel and Hannah, pretty much all my fics focus on them. 
NOTE: Before you start getting all upset about the fact that all my OTP ships are m/f, I want to point some things out to you. First off, I am bi. Second of all, m/f doesn’t always equal straight and m/m or f/f doesn’t always equal gay. STOP IT WITH THE BI ERASURE!!! I have plenty of other ships but these are my top ships and yes I mostly ship m/f. Just because they all just happen to be my favorites. Maybe because all the above characters tend to have certain characteristics and certain traits and it's their personalities that I ship not their gender. Also, I have huge crushes on the above female AND male characters so again, it’s probably why I ship them. Also, I am demisexual so sex doesn’t really play a huge role in who I ship. A lot of these characters also have similarities to me and my husband, so I tend to ship what I see in real life. I actually ship plenty of other ships other than what’s listed, yes most are still m/f, but some are f/f and some are poly. I don’t ship a lot of m/m because, well, I just don’t. I haven’t found any m/m ships that I really ship. I am all about chemistry first and if I don’t feel it I don’t feel it. Since sex doesn’t play a factor in my ships much, I need them to connect mentally and emotionally much more than physically. I also value equality in relationships. I am not into the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing. Characters have to be compatible. 
And one other thing. Chemistry is in the eye of the beholder. What one person sees as chemistry someone else might not agree and that’s okay. It’s okay to disagree it's not okay to be a hater.
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mtvswatches · 5 years
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Wynonna Earp 1x08 Two-Faced Jack
Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)
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Stray thoughts
1) WTF happened here…
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What does Dock mean by “Devil’s hell, plus an angel incarnate?” Why is he looking at the horse when he refers to the angel?
2) WHAT.THE.FUCK
You suffered severe damage to your spinal cord, causing paralysis from the waist down.
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It’s clear to me that she’s being held hostage, there clearly was no car accident. But this whole hospital scenario? I don’t know if she’s dreaming or if she’s hallucinating or if someone is inducing her hallucinations or dream-reality or whatever. I mean, she can’t be paralyzed…
3) Doc and Dolls will be forced to work together to rescue her, that should be fun.
4) Wynonna is smart, though. She realized something was off immediately, but even before this “doctor” mentioned the “radical new procedure” he’s been implementing on his patients, she made him take the bait by asking him what University he’d gone to. Plus, she did this:
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Which hopefully means she’ll be able to walk soon?
5) Why is Bethany there?! I thought she had been ripped apart!
6) Okay, so this Jack of Knives revenant is a psycho serial killer from Wyatt’s and Doc’s time. Cool. Cool cool cool. And he’s the last of the Seven. That should be a treat.
7) Oh shit, Nicole had to be resuscitated. But this begs the question, why did this Jack-ass took Bethany and not Nicole? I get why he took Wynonna, but what does he need Nicole for? What kind of sick Human-Centipede experiment is he trying to pull off?
8) Ugh Bethany! I get what she means, she’s not brave, she’s just a regular girl, but… Wynonna just told her this guy is a serial killer, so what does Bethany think is going to happen if she stays in her bed and keeps quiet? Look, I’m not a brave person either, but I’ll be skedaddling for sure if my two options were to stay with Dr. Serial Killer or run away.
9) See, Bethany? This is what happens when you’re not a risk-taker…
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10) This is scary as fuck, I wasn’t expecting this shit.
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11) Wynonna is going to pull one a la Beatrix Kiddo, right?
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12) I think I’m shipping this…
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My heart turned to mush when she said that. I believe they are a thing, I think I’ve seen some gifs of them on my dash, and if that’s the case, I’m grateful this is not queer-baiting.
13) So the Jack-ass has a type of victim, which again begs the question, what do Bethany and Wynonna have in common that made them his target?
14) Yep, Wynonna is Beatrix-ing the hell outta there.
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15) Why do these two give me so many platonic feels?
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I truly enjoy their interactions in a different way from his interaction with Wynonna, you know? I see him and Wynonna and I’m like WHY DON’T YOU BANG ALREADY. And then I see him and Waverly, and I’m like AWW THIS IS SO WHOLESOME, HE’S LIKE HER BIG BROTHER! 
16) I don’t know why I loved the shade they gave the Fight Club…
DOC: There are two rules to this, Mr. Dolls.
DOLLS: Let me guess. First rule of fight club, never talk about fight club, right?
DOC: Nobody talks about it, how're fellas gonna know where it is?
17) Dolls literally said what I was about to write…
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18) Oh shit…
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How did she manage to hold in the pain?!
19) I don’t know, but maybe is what a psycho would say?
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 Maybe?
20) Dolls and Doc are gonna fight each other and I’m here for it.
21)
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This is going to be delightful to watch.
22) I guess he’s found his motivation…
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23) So he wasn’t talking about himself in the third person after all…
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This is Jack-ass!
24) Even though I feel this is a case of the kettle calling the pot black…
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...I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.
25) Yep, he totally deserved that.
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Like, telling Doc that Wynonna going missing is his fault? And that Wyatt left him to die? How dare he?
26) He’s so excited he’s won, I love him.
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27) There’s no way he’s killed Dolls, though. I’m not buying that. He probably seems dead because of the drugs he’s taking, right? Or he might have been trained to pretend to be dead.
28)
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Seriously, though, that was super creepy.
29) I died. Doc trying to figure out how modern technology works is simply the best and a nice reminder that he’s not from this time.
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Also, Dolls is alive and kicking, but he hasn’t explained how yet.
30) This reminded me of Cordelia’s “What’s your childhood trauma?”
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Also, having a serial killer compare themselves to you is everyone’s dream right?
31) What is this Jack-ass deal though? He likes taking women’s organs out and showing them to the girls, okay. But why? What is he looking for?
32) Okay, yep, Dolls had been trained on how to make himself look dead, but I don’t think he’d be able to pull it off in the situation he was in? In the middle of a fight, when his pulse was probably racing and he was super stressed because Doc had called him out? I don’t think so.
33) Okay, Dolls’ division is starting to look eerily similar to The Initiative…
DOC: If your bosses have no compunction about turning a person into a pin cushion, how are they better than the demons?
DOLLS: Your body is a treasure trove for science. Think about what the military could do with soldiers who didn't get sick, didn't age? It was a decision made for the good of the many.
DOC: I get to choose who I share my treasure trove with, not the goddamn government.
34) Wait, what?
JACK-ASS: I know you're not gonna believe this, but I really liked your father. He wasn't like the other Earp heirs. He wasn't ambitious like Edwin, or courageous like Josiah, but he had something that they didn't have. Wits. When Ward started his little ride, he realized that in order to survive, he was gonna have to make certain alliances.
WYNONNA: With who? Black Badge?
JACK-ASS: Don't be daft. He made a pact with the big man himself. Bobo Del Rey.
WYNONNA: No. My daddy would never make a deal with a demon. Never.
JACK-ASS: They were very close friends
So Wynonna’s father had made a deal with Bobo? Does this mean that the reason the Seven went after him was that he’d broken the pact somehow? I mean, not only did he make a deal with Bobo but he was FRIENDS with him?
I also find it interesting how what made Ward different from the other heirs is probably one of Wynonna’s most important traits – her wits.
35) Bless you, Doc, for saving Wynonna in the nick of time. 
36) Oh, sweet Jebus, these two falling into each other…
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Why don’t you kiss already?!
37)
WYNONNA: Don’t kill each other.
DOC AND DOLLS:
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38) “It was you… or her.” Doc is trying to teach Dolls about principles, but let’s be real, he probably would’ve made the same choice if he’d been in Dolls’ shoes, so…
39) Can this dude predict the future? Is this where this show is heading…?
JACK-ASS: Oh, I wish I could stay! Watch what's coming next. A reunion. An escape. So much blood.
Who will be reunited? Who will escape? WHO WILL DIE?! I’m scared, but I’m also excited to see if this turns out to be foreshadowing...
40) The Buffy feels are real, y’all!
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41) “What now?” is a great question. The Seven are dealt with, so, is Wynonna going after Bobo? The Stone Witch? There are 5 more episodes left, so I’m sure shit is about to get real…
42) Okay, I’m back to liking Dolls since he told his boss Doc is only a con artist and is more concerned about finding out who in his organization is working for Bobo.
43) Yet another great episode. I’m always surprised at how long my recaps are for this show, but there’s so much going on all the time and everything seems relevant somehow? I really can’t wait to see how this season ends…
44)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!
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