#this post is over 3.5k words long btw
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my olba mc timeline!
introducing my darling buttercup, Haru Nakamura :D
finally i can post this! i'm very happy to talk about a character i have been working on since may haha. does that mean they are fully cooked? let's talk about something else :) insert why do they call you babygirl meme
you don't wanna know how long was the process of making this one drawing,,,, 1/10, would do it again no question, but god did that take time. here's the sketch for comparison :]
(hopefully) short and concise description of each step below + a couple of songs that i assign to each step, from their playlist because i can and i will
ʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ⁱ ʷʳᵒᵗᵉ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ʰᵃʰᵃʰʰᵃᵃʰ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵃˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰⁱˢ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵐʸ ʰᵃⁿᵈ ⁱⁿ ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵃᵍᵉ ᵇᵗʷ
now before i move to each step, i want to take a moment to talk about Haru's name. they are japanese american (their biological parents were both japanese people who moved to california) so i wanted them to have a japanese name.
first their birth name, Kaito. i picked this [快仁] way of writing it. 快 means "pleasant, comfortable, agreeable" and 仁 means "humanity, benevolence and kindness". i chose it as their birth name because of a few reasons:
first, some other ways of writing this name include a kanji that means "ocean, sea". it's an obvious connection to the setting of olba, as well as the character's deep connection with sunset bird, especially in their childhood.
the meanings assigned to the version i chose, describe haru at their core and during step 1 when they use this name. they are a comfortable presence whose greatest desire is to make meaningful, genuine connections with other people (fucking extravert). while they are pleasant they are a people-pleaser as well - part of their journey is to unlearn that.
it sounds very cute and they are the sweetest kid
now the name people actually know them for, the one they feel describes them the best - Haru. the kanji that i picked [春] means "spring, season of growth and renewal" and it's precisely what Haru's 'arc' is about. the meaning and value of their personal growth, understanding themselves and working with oneself instead of against.
a little tidbit about their name: there is a kanji with which it can be written that means "cherry blossom". those flowers are considered as a symbol of spring in japan, usually blooming between the end of march and beginning of may. another fun fact, haru's birthday is on the 2nd of april :]
Nakamura is a surname i chose instead of Last in the game. i thought it would be fun to headcanon that the family's surname is actually from Noelani's side (some Hawaiian last names are Japanese in origin, hence Nakamura). The kanji i picked to write it are [中村] - 中 meaning "in, inside, middle, center" and 村 meaning "village, hamlet". I think of it as a reference to sunset bird itself.
so once we put all of the ingredients together it already forms an image of a character. i've been reading a book by david day "the hobbits of tolkien" in which the author describes j.r.r. tolkien's process of creating the hobbits. it's very fascinating, the way in which he used his philologist knowleadge - digging up the word first and then tracing it's origins and the word family to slowly create the hobbits we know today. my process of creating haru was somewhat similar in methods, though definitely not the process (god no, i am nowhere near tolkien's level). i wanted to mention that because the words we use to describe the world, or in this case characters are important.
i like to think that haru's whole name means "spring in a village", with them being the embodiment of said season, connected to an undeniably summer town. a little bit like baxter, our resident autumn boy stumbled into a seaside tourist town. only in haru's case the lines are more blurry. i think of them as the manifestation of the spring/summer period, when the sun shines brightly and trees bloom but the wind is still chilly and strong.
in any case, let's move further! fairies know i could talk just about their name forever
Step 1: welcome to childhood folks! in step 1 Haru uses their birth name, Kaito, and he/him pronouns. Kaito is a lonely child who wants only one thing - to have a friend. he is too fat, too shy, too different from other kids his age, which leads to him being isolated from them. this plants the first seeds of his insecurities that will follow him into the future. being ignored and laughed at really impacts Kaito, who only wants to make friends with anybody. it makes this thought slowly grow at the back of his mind: "there is something fundamentally wrong with me." thankfully, he has the support of lizzie and their moms and the soothing sound of the waves and the warm sand at the beach, which make his social isolation feel less hurtful.
when it comes to his personality, Kaito is an open-hearted, open-minded kid who is quite shy. he is naive, terribly impatient and impulsive which can be a fatal combination. curiosity is another defining trait of his - not really with any things of an academic nature, but definitely about other people, so much he can be very nosy. despire that he is pretty good at reading social cues and figuring out people's feelings. if only he had enough foresight to actually confirm his thoughts with others - he is prone to assume things solely based off his judgement. he is empathetic and a good listener. his tendencies in people-pleasing are only starting to grow, but it will be a huge problem down the line.
a sidenote about his design: colours chosen for each step hold a meaning. the colour palette for step 1 is a triadic colour scheme with purple, teal and yellow. i chose those colours because they remind me of summer, and in step 1 kaito is at the beginning of his growth as a person. at this point in their life, they are connected with summer as a season the most, because they have yet to begin the process of figuring themselves out and understanding themselves.
Cove moving in is a turning point for Kaito. he changes his life by befriending him. it doesn NOT alleviate the insecurities and doubt still nestled in Kaito's heart. rather he views Cove as someone special for befriending him. the setting for their relationship is Nervous Fond. Kaito likes Cove immediately (as they do with most people, they are very open) but is very nervous about this whole making friends process.
Alright this all probably sounds very angsty but this internal turmoil of Kaito's is (for now) very much in the background. think of it like a box covered with sheets, dusted over and hidden in the attic. step 1 is mostly cute kid shenanigans (and some crying).
Songs:
hawaiian roller coaster ride - mark keali'i ho'omalu, kamehameha schools children's chorus; lilo and stitch original soundtrack
the right amount of dumb - kan gao; finding paradise (original game soundtrack)
i have a hole in my tooth (and my dentist is shut) - dodie
take me anywhere - kan gao; to the moon (original game soundtrack)
second child, restless child - the oh hellos
(the right amount of dumb is like their theme in step 1 because they are a bit of a dumbass <33 silly little kid)
Step 2: ahhh early teenage years. i think 12yo and older is the time when you start to realize how profoundly fucked up reality is and react appropriately! which is exactly what Haru is going through, on top of being obsessed with becoming popular. sigh.
step 2 is very rough for Haru. for one, their insecurities from childhood only grow. they see their inabilty to create a large circle of friends as a reflection of their worth. their self-esteem is at all time low, which is why they do everything they can to cover it up. kids are cruel so they cannot show any weaknesses. in order to cover up their low self-confidence they become very arrogant,they arrive at this conclusion: if they are so unlikable (false) then they only need to pretend to be someone else entirely to make people like them (bruh. teenage brain is a mystery).
and so begins their fabrication of themselves, altering parts of their appearance, personality even giving up and picking up hobbies just to appeal to the 'popular kids'. deep inside they know that this is futile. you cannot make people like you, you cannot make them respect you if they don't no matter how hard you try. but they are so starved for social interactions, that it doesn't matter at the moment. if they get to hang out with the cool kids, if people wave to them in the corridors then what does it matter that the person they are greeting is fake?
those purposeful but forced changes consume them. they are constatly playing a role around people they know but don't trust - they can only relax with their family, Cove and Derek. but even then, they aren't fun to hang out with that much. seeing as they can reveal their true thoughts only then, it makes them constantly angry (at everything, but at themselves the most probably) which affects their relationships with their friends and family.
to them it feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. they can't bear their soul to the cool kids group, because that would mean admitting that they are not a person they pretended to be - this loud, out-going, larger than life, perfect person. and in their head they think they can't reveal anything to their loved ones either - it would mean admitting defeat in making friends.
so yeah, the struggle is there y'all. despite all the harm that comes from their behaviour and their environment, they learn a couple of things too. they realize they aren't a mind reader and perhaps asking people about their problems is better than assuming you know what is wrong, even if you are like 99% sure you know. doesn't mean they won't ask in the most blunt, tactless way possible tho. their shyness as if evaporates completely - you're not gonna make it far in middle school being shy. funnily enough, they are a massive people-pleaser. you'd think that this bold, boisterous teen star would be far from it, but every action Haru performs in their school circle is for the approval of others. if there are any mild upsides to their state is that they can fulfill their innate need of connecting with other people. it's not deep or meaningful in most cases but what can you do.
as you probably noticed, the main colour of this step is green. but why? green is such a nice colour, with so many positive meanings... sike! i mean yeah it is, but you know what else green symbolises? greed and envy. i used green for this step to highlight haru's desire of becoming popular not as a genuine dream, not even as a way to connect with others but because of the immense jealousy they felt. of other people who got to have friends that liked them for who they are. of elizabeth especially, who never seemed to struggle with making people like her. in this stage of their life, green is definitely a negative colour for them.
the comfort level in step 2 is Direct Fond for both Cove and Derek. no matter which route i'm deciding on romantically, haru does not have a crush on anyone in step 2, or at least doesn't allow themselves to have.
Songs:
freaks - surf curse
kawaki wo ameku [カワキヲアメク] - minami [美波]
carnivore - starset
stand out fit in - one ok rock
remember my name - mitski
(i especially like carnivore for this step because haru starts avoiding eating meat, cause they don't like the taste that much. the choice of this song is a bit of an inside joke for me, also the lyrics fit very well)
Step 3: we enter era of healing! i'd say in step 3 haru is at a solid 3/4 way to doing better internally. step 2 was their lowest, but now they are beginning to bloom. but growing older doesn't only bring knowleadge and growth, it also brings a new lot of issues to deal with.
Haru has been confronted about their behaviour. the impact it had on others and on themselves (there was a lot of crying and broken confessions, not a good time). as they reached their limit, they finally decided to speak their feelings and accept help from their loved ones.
now, it's hard to simply get rid of one's insecurities, especially those that seemed to be reinforced by the outside world for a long time. they use a strategy as old as time to deal with (not cover up anymore) their low self-esteem - fake it till you make it. some of their arrogance stays with them, as a blanket of security in a way, but they are determined to be confident in themselves.
their growth starts with a somewhat superficial thing but one that they always cared about: their clothes. they were always interested in clothing and fashion but only in step 3 they move a bit further with that interest and begin to make clothes on their own. it's an important passion to them, not only being very therapeutic but also allowing them to express their true self, both in terms of their personality as well as gender.
a major shift in their perception of their relationships with others was caused by realizing, that gaining popularity was not going to make them feel fulfilled. they had always desired deep, meaningful relationships, and while being recognized at school was nice, it wasn't really what they were looking for. this in turn make them rethink their whole "pretending to be someone you're not" business and with their loved ones assistance they figured out that... it simply wasn't worth it.
and because haru is the most impulsive person on this side of the globe, they did not ease themselves into this realization but again forced themselves to abandon their old ways in favor of being painfully true to themselves. and then everybody smacked their foreheads.
haru is a lot kinder to themselves now, courtesy of cove and others, but they still tend to ignore themselves in favor of somebody else. their shyness returned, and they no longer try to force themselves into acting more out there than they are. since the let down their walls, they speak their mind without thinking and are prone into agreeing to things immediately, often finding themselves in uncomfortable or annoying situations.
right now their most pressing struggle is dealing with becoming an adult. they feel as if they had just got peace and stability in their life and yet their friends are leaving or staying, getting jobs, time is slipping through their fingers like sand and everything is different. haru themselves feels very lost and overwhelmed by the future, so for now they latch onto people, their friends, sister and moms and try to spend as much time with them as possible, drowning the sound of their own fear in their laughter. on top of that there is a new guy in sunset bird, who seems to have a bit similar internal struggles to them, and haru feels like they could make a connection for life. i wonder how that will go :]
step 3 colours! they wear a lot of different colours because their style is mostly inspired by the 80s, plus they like to go crazy with the clothes they make. but colours that appear the most are definitely pink and yellow, plus a little bit of green. green appears in smaller amounts and in shades closer to yellow to express it's different nature than the green in step 2. this time it represents growth, freshness and hope.
now yellow is a very important colour that i consider haru's main colour. they are simply inseparable in my head. it was completely gone from their colour palette in step 2, and in step 1 it had more of a golden shade, one reminiscent of summer, but in step 3 it brings forth thoughts of spring more. it is purposeful, as Haru is finally growing into the person they want to be. yellow's positive meanings are among others optimism, happiness, creativity and enthusiasm. but it can also be associated with fear and cowardice and that is definitely something that fits haru in this step as well.
pink is prevalent in this specific outfit, but like i said, the clothes they wear in this step are pretty colourful. still, it holds meaning, seeing as it's also visible in their step 4 clothes. pink is invincibly linked with romance and romantic feelings - something haru allows themselves to open up to in step 3. like most things about them, if they have a crush on somebody their infatuation comes fast and strong, seemingly out of nowhere. but other than romance, pink is a colour of youth and playfulness.
after dealing with all that teen angst, they are very playful. combined with the dread of the future and genuine excitement they finally feel, they are a sweet, sociable person. the comfort level is Relaxed Fond, unless they have a crush on either Cove or Baxter, then it's Nervous Crush.
Songs:
permanence - bears in trees
wishing well - the oh hellos
infinite - lyn lapid
summer depression - girl in red
what if it doesn't end well - chloe moriondo
(i didn't put this song here despite it being the first one on haru's playlist, but teenage dream by katy perry is such a step 3 haru song)
Step 4: sweet woes of adulthood! Haru has grown and grown up but of course, life is a continuous string of things happening and us having to deal with them. some things stayed the same, for example their big ego. from aiming to cover up their low confidence, to actually gaining a healthy amount of it, like in most things they do, they went overboard. and while some of it is still a little bit of a defense mechanism, they are also completely insufferable and a beast of self-esteem. you win some you lose some.
they grew into the person they were always meant to be: free spirited, open, empathetic and creative. even so, they still retain their oh so recognizable traits. their curious, almost nosy demeanor, impatient nature and people-pleasing ways. they are still reckless though not quite as impatient, they learned to be a bit more chill.
haru learned to manage their intense nature. especially when it comes to meeting new people, they realize and respect the fact that not everybody will be eager to form a deeper bond, as much as it confuses them sometimes. they have always been ride or die type of person, but growing up has mellowed them out a bit.
the most growth happened with their way of managing their relationships as well as their perception of themselves. they are a lot more mature and as such manage to maintain their relationships. even if they still sometimes assume other people's thoughts or take up too much upon themselves, they see what they have accomplished and are very proud of themselves.
their struggles now involve the usual perils of adulthood, but mostly keeping up with their friends and making sure everything is alright. other than that though, they eagerly travel and go out of their way to meet even more new people - they do need someone to anchor them, or they will get carried away and eventually step on somebody's toes (or fail to return from another state on a scheduled date).
speaking of their adult relations, baxter leaving was a huge blow to them. like traumatic event rank S type of thing. when they meet again it's a storm lol
when it comes to Haru's other dreams and goals, i picture them with a business that makes custom clothes, like handmade ones. their side job would be helping out cove with surfing lessons and his business. they like to work with other people and are a fairly good leader, but they dislike doing the simple tasks because they are so boring.
last design notes! so there is yellow and pink, a bit of blue and white, at least in this outfit. yellow, pink and white are their characteristic colours, but green finds it's place here too sometimes (to drive home the spring theme more).
like i mentioned, haru's colour is yellow. it's the colour of sunshine, buttercups, the sand and some birds and fish, and most importantly it's the colour i associate with spring (along with green). haru is a character that represents the late spring, teeming with life and joy, intense in growth and weather, downpours or clear skies alike.
i don't think there is much more to say about the colours in this step, as in my opinion yellow is most significant. pink also connects with haru's acceptance of femininity and figuring out exactly how much they associate with it. and blue is the colour of the sky :)
in step 3 they are at Direct Fond or Crush. I like their energy in relationships with other people :]
Songs:
hey blondie - dominic fike; barbie the album
everybody loves me - onerepublic
never gonna not dance again - p!nk
sick of losing soulmates - dodie
rebel rebel - david bowie
dancing with myself - billy idol
(hey blondie is such a bop holy shit you guys- also very much a haru song <3)
wow i can't believe i actually wrote this. i am very particular about my characters so now that i have this sort of "introduction" for haru posted, i can post other things about them! don't ask me how that works, it has to be chronological
if you've read this thank you very, very much <3 and if you didn't, fair i feel you lol. feel free to ask about them if your heart desires :]
toodles~
#my eyes are closing on their own#so tired#but i'm proud of myself for finishing this :]#if you've seen any typos you didn't!!!#mei's kids#olba mc#olba#our life beginnings and always#our life beginnings & always#our life#sunbloom draws#sunbloom talks#<3#this post is over 3.5k words long btw
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okay I'm not sure I'd you're still doing the uh. thing where you write a scene from a different pov but if you are and have time/interest, would you feel like doing poe pov with that part in directions where he asks how many other guys she's been with? I love love love that fic so much btw and I'm gonna go through your masterlist when I get off work <3
Hello! ✨ A little confession: some of these have been sitting in my inbox for months. I secretly didn't plan on fulfilling this request because it meant that I'd need to go re-read Directions, and I very rarely read my own writing again once it's been posted. But I was in the mood for something fun and easy, and then I actually had a great time revisiting this story! So thank you so so much @buckyisdisabled, @lostinwonderland314, @mandaloriandin and sweet Yearning Human anon for asking for this and for your lovely messages. I really hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it x
Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader
Word Count: 3.5k
Rating: Explicit 18+
Warnings: PIV, creampie, oral sex (f! receiving), fingering, squirting, feelings, implied cum eating, overstimulation, masturbation, friends to lovers
This is reworking of a scene from this fic, told from Poe’s POV.
from a certain point of view ask game ✨
———
———
Poe sucks his slick fingers into his mouth, and her taste hits his head like spice; sharp and sweet.
She pants up at him from his pillow (his pillow) her eyes wide as a nervous animal’s, her hands curled into fists. It takes everything he has not to blow his load in his pants right then and there.
He feels a little drunk. He needs to course-correct.
Drastically.
He’d meant it when he told her he thought this would be fun. Because everything is, with her. He thought she’d be giving him shit the whole time. He’d expected her to be unimpressed with him in the way only she ever is; doing what she does best and keeping his feet nailed to solid ground even while his head did tailspins around the sound of her laughing at him.
But she’s not laughing at him. The way she’s looking up at him…
This, right here, is extremely fucking serious for her.
Maybe he should’ve tried to make this nicer. Maybe he should’ve lit candles.
For reasons that are not entirely clear, he catches himself remembering a particularly fucked up day from several months back. His comms and tracking had both shorted out after a hit in the middle of an above-planet dogfight with no visual, and for about two hours, the Resistance network listed him PKIA.
When he’d eventually landed back in the hanger, it was chaotic with smoking, twisted astromech parts. Unbeknownst to him, Black One was a ghost ship.
Mechanics and pilots alike had turned and gaped in silent shock as he’d climbed out of his cockpit, and he’d only had a moment to wonder whether there was something growing out of the top of his head before he’d been knocked off his feet by a sobbing projectile stinking of sweat and smoke in an oil-stained flightsuit.
She’d only stopped crying after socking him in the chest, her voice hoarse as she told him how much of an idiot he was for not switching over to his backup signal.
He’d never wanted to see that look on her face ever again, and if he hadn’t pushed her into verbalising the source of her terror here, he’d be too turned off to go any further. He doesn’t go in for that shit; he wants his partners relaxed and comfortable and enthusiastically willing.
But it’s knowing what she’s actually worrying about—stuck in her head as always, thinking about everyone else; what he thinks of her, rather than focusing on how she feels—that makes him determined to stick with her, as long as she says.
He’s staggered by the amount of trust she’s putting in him. Shit, he doesn’t know whether it makes his heart ache more, or his dick. Like she has anything to be nervous about. Like she isn’t the prettiest fucking girl he knows. Like making her smile isn’t the single greatest source of pride he gets to hold over himself.
Doesn’t she know? Can’t she already fucking tell? He’d worship the ground she walks on if he knew she wouldn’t laugh herself sick at him if he tried.
It would be funny, if it weren’t so painful. That for all of her quick, sharp perception, she’d miss this, so entirely.
“Perfect. You’re perfect,” he says softly, and he can see how little she believes him. “Told you. Nothing wrong with you. I wanna try something,” he continues, before she can say anything to piss him off. He can handle her putting shit on him. He isn’t letting her do it to herself. “You’ll like it, I promise. And if you don’t just tell me and we’ll stop. Okay?”
“Okay,” she says, nodding, her eyes still huge. A sudden throb of affection makes his head feel like it’s filled with tibanna gas.
“I’m gonna take your pants off,” he tells her, grasping each of her ankles to do exactly this.
She lifts her ass toward him as he wriggles her underwear and pants over her legs, giving him a brief glimpse of the most beautiful view he’s ever seen in his life.
His brain’s still catching up when he sees the furtive way her eyes keep flicking down toward where it feels like his dick’s trying to bust through his fly.
“Don’t you want…?”
“It’s not about me,” he cuts her off. And if you touch me right now I won’t make it, and I’ll ruin my reputation, and kill any chance of living any of this shit down with you ever again, he decides not to add.
He bends, spreading her legs with both hands. Her clit’s so swollen her labia are parted around it, the soft skin inside her thighs smeared with her first orgasm.
Her first orgasm—the first one another person’s given her, anyway—and it’s his.
And, oh, it had been so easy.
His ego is not immune to this.
But, nice as it is, it doesn’t quite feel like a boost in the traditional sense. It feels something more like a twinge, hard and new, right under his ribcage. Like vindication, maybe, or—and he feels like a fucking moron for even thinking it—fate.
He bows from the waist and nudges into her with his nose, his tongue laving a stripe up the entire length of her pussy.
Her skin tastes like soap. Somewhere in the dimmest corners of his head he’s annoyed at this; imagines her scouring every inch of herself raw in the showers before coming to him, filled with nerves and doubt under the spray. He presses the muscle of his tongue into her opening in search of more of the her he’d found on his fingers.
The sound she makes zips lightning-hot straight to his guts.
His eyes roll briefly closed, and he sinks down onto his elbows, the twisted line of the sheets digging into his skin under his weight.
She shifts her thighs together, her fingers twitching at her side. He steals a glance up and finds her watching him, her lips parted, her eyes too-bright.
“Open your legs,” he encourages, his lips barely lifting from her skin. She sinks her teeth into her lip as she lets her knees fall flat to the bed.
She’s spread out open in front of him, and he dips his head to continue.
She flinches and tenses and exhales in turn, reacting to every touch of his mouth as though speaking aloud. It makes him feel violently impatient, and so he moves slower, trying to temper himself.
He wants to be inside her.
He wants to swallow her, and to be swallowed by her. Fuck, he’s never wanted anything more in his life.
He’s pretty sure he’s leaking precum into his pants; all the blood having long vacated his brain to swell bruise-achingly hard in his cock. He tries to stay focused, but the reality is that Poe’s thoughts ran away from him the second she set foot in his room. The challenge now is to just try not to do something stupid.
Something stupider than fucking his best friend.
She hisses, tossing her head back, her legs twitching so hard his tongue nearly loses its place against the hot nub of her clit.
He slides both hands beneath her thighs to lift her hips to his face in an attempt to keep her still, barely managing to tamp down the urge to rut helplessly against the mattress in search of relief.
The smell of her, the taste, fills his senses. But it’s still not enough. He wants to bring her to insensibility; to work that softness into the bed, glutting himself until her whimpers turn to those of overstimulation.
He’d never really considered himself a possessive person, but as she quietly sucks in a sharp, shallow breath, he realises he wants that sound all to himself.
He pulls it out of her with his tongue again, and again, his attention unwavering.
He wants her thinking of this, of him, from now on. Every single time she comes, alone or otherwise. He wants her to dream about him inside her; tongue, fingers, cock, he doesn’t give a fuck. At briefings. At meals. Waiting around bored for launch clearance in her fighter, standing alone in the showers, when someone else presses their hands to her skin, and lifts her chin to meet her lips (and fuck, that hurts to think about, like hitting realspace at-speed, hard enough to grind his bones together).
She comes with a pained-sounding cry, her pubic bone bumping into his nose and pushing his face away. He drags himself up and finds her reaching her hands out as though to stop him.
“You okay?” he manages.
“Poe, I want…please…”
“What, baby? Talk to me.” He leans up, bracing himself over her. Maybe she’s changed her mind. Maybe she’s had enough and she’s going to tell him to stop, to give her back her pants, to never mention any of this again.
It’s still more than he’d ever imagined he’d get.
Her eyes stay on his and she blinks slowly at him, as though trying to remember who he is. His heart thunks hollowly in his chest, and he waits.
“Fuck me.”
He pauses. It wasn’t what he’d expected her to say. His already-painful cock jumps in his pants at the demand. “You need a break first?”
She answers by trying to drag him down toward her, her hips lifting to press against him, ankles hooked around the backs of his legs.
He doesn’t wait to be told twice. He shifts his weight, kicking his pants down, settling himself between her legs.
She ducks her chin and kisses his shoulder.
His head swims. He barely feels the touch of her lips through the material of his shirt, but it hardly matters. The gesture is so small, so careful, so quick, as though she couldn’t help herself.
As though it’s something she’s thought of before.
Which is when it hits him: the one thing he’s never seriously let himself entertain. Does he…actually have a chance?
Without undue vanity, Poe knows that his looks are the one area, at least, that he can afford not to worry about. He’s not an idiot. He knows exactly how people respond when he flashes his teeth at them, or holds their eyes with his own for a protracted moment from beneath a quirked eyebrow.
But never her. She’s somehow always been frustratingly, crushingly immune to every single weapon in his arsenal. It had been a source of ire in the early days, while he was still learning the colour of her voice, and the shape of her mind.
The sadder, slower ache of acceptance had come later; gathering like thunderheads, lingering long.
She wasn’t for him. She didn’t want to be. Letting himself pretend otherwise would have only ever been an exercise in masochism.
Despite all of this, Poe’s still human. And, as he had come to realise, knowing something intellectually is very different to knowing it physically.
Whenever she smiles at him, and bumps into him, and rolls her eyes at him. Whenever he’s inside somebody else, tasting the sweat on their skin, or stretched out around their pleasure. Whenever he jerks his cock alone in his bunk late at night, ashamed and furious at himself for such a disgraceful breach of their friendship, for the things he’s imagined.
Everything he’s ever done with anybody else; every filthy, beautiful fucking thing, he’d turn himself inside out and crawl over hot coals to do again with her, to her, for her, if she wanted.
And now, here she is.
He might not ever get another shot at this.
He needs to make it count.
“How many other guys’ve you been with?” he says, his voice coming out rough. She looks mortified, but he doesn’t care. “How many?”
“S-six,” she says.
He nods. He’d already known about Kip and Terrett, and he’d had his suspicions about Rau and Valen. He’s a little disappointed at the knowledge that Rau had let her down with all the others; he wouldn’t have expected it.
“Then that’s six other times we gotta make up for,” he says, distractedly.
He presses forward, and the first millimetre he sinks inside her already has him panicking.
She immediately feels far too hot and close, but the hardest part, the part threatening to undo everything, is the way she’s looking up at him, as though silently pleading with him, and Gods, how she doesn’t need to.
“Oh, sh...shit. You good? I’m good. That’s…ungh, so fucking good.” He’s aware he’s making no sense, but that’s the only thing left in his head, probably the only thing he’ll ever know again: good, good, good.
Her fingers are clenched tight around his forearm, and he thinks she might be holding her breath, but then she lets it go, and the wet bloom of her cunt swallows him fractionally deeper.
“You’re doing so good baby, you’re taking me so well, you feel perfect,” he groans, hoping he doesn’t sound as wrecked as he feels, his guts on fire with need.
She squirms under him, and fuck, she feels incredible. After coming twice he can feel the evidence of how wet she is, the smooth glide of her body gripping close around him, giving way slowly.
It’s suddenly too fucking hot in his room. He can feel his hair sticking to the back of his neck and around his ears, and it’s vaguely annoying, but he couldn’t give a shit.
Her warm breath meets his chin, and he follows the line of her attention down the length of his own body, to the place where his hips are flush against hers. Between her parted legs he can see his cock half-sunk inside her, and his face presses to her damp, salty skin as he murmurs to her, pressing forward, enveloped entirely by her.
He has no idea what he’s saying. It just feels important for her to know.
Whatever it is, he never gets the chance to find out.
Because then she’s kissing him, and her mouth is on his and her lips are parting and they’re soft and her teeth are catching at the dry ege of his lower lip and her breath is hot and it’s hers and it’s in his mouth and it’s in his lungs and it’s oxygenating his fucking blood and pumping through his heart and his brain and searing through every single part of him until she’s all that’s left.
He’s pretty sure he’s dying.
“Holy fuck,” he thinks he’s trying to say, and he feels her smiling, gently biting into his lip, keeping him quiet.
She rolls her hips up against his, pushing herself off the bed. He can feel himself rapidly losing control as she throws her head back, her brows drawn, teeth cutting into her own lip.
“Baby, wait, wait a sec,” he pants.
“What’s wrong?” she gasps, and of course she doesn’t listen; she never fucking listens to him, rocking up toward him, making him see stars.
“Just…fuck, hang on.” Cold showers, he thinks, grimly. Freezing cold showers, and depressurised-cockpit earaches. Nine hour-long diplomatic debriefs. The rancid-smelling mucus trail Klaud leaves behind everywhere he goes.
“Is this…not good?” she says, low and weak. “Poe?”
His eyes nearly roll back in his head as she whispers his name, and the sound jolts through him—her voice, the one he knows so well—like this, with him.
Whatever pitiful electricity’s still left in the meat of his brain fizzles out. “Oh shit, say my name again,” he begs, not even waiting for her to do so.
He’s already moving, needing to feel the walls of her cunt stroking and sucking at his cock. “D’you know how many times I’ve thought about this? About being inside you like this? And I never, ever thought you’d wanna…”
He shouldn’t be saying this. He’s gotta be real fucking careful, if he doesn’t want to accidentally tell her every shameful daydream he’s ever had about her and disintegrate what’s left of their friendship into dust.
“You’re fucking perfect,” he tells her instead. “Your pussy is perfect.”
She recoils, and it’s equal parts adorable and infuriating that even now she’d be embarrassed to hear him say this.
He almost laughs. “Why’s that make you shy? You don’t like me talking about your pussy? You wanna know how good you taste, baby? You’re sweet, so sweet and tight and—” and fuck, he can still taste her on his lips, and he watches her carefully, finding the place that makes her fall boneless and focusing there, right there, until the viselike grip on his arms weakens and she’s coming again.
Her voice breaks, but he doesn’t slow. She can take it.
He pushes her hips down, fucking her into the mattress, skin clapping on skin. She’s yanking at his hair hard enough to hurt, but he relishes the pain because it keeps his vision clear; exactly where he wants to be.
Her orgasm tumbles into another, and he seizes her knees, lifting her toward him as he picks up his pace. She moans, belatedly trying to cover the sound with her hand, and it’s the sweetest music he’s ever heard. He is never, ever going to be able to get that sound out of his head again.
“Hey, hey. Let me hear that,” he says, leaning closer, dragging her hand away. “Don’t you cover that up. Come on, baby, I wanna hear you.” She presses her lips together, and he huffs, driving himself into her just a little harder than strictly necessary.
He’s rewarded with a weak, throaty whimper, and he grins at her. “That’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” he confesses.
Her nipples stand through the thin, sweat-sheer fabric of her tank top, her softness rippling upwards with every stroke. He watches her body greedily, wanting more, wanting everything all at once.
He wants, very badly, to lick her again, all the way from her neck to her sweet, trembling cunt. He can still taste her on his tongue as he presses his fingers down to her clit, just above the place where he’s still pumping in and out of her.
She cries out, coming again until she’s melting wet into the bed.
He still doesn’t slow, but his thoughts have run away from him and all of a sudden he realises it’s too late, far too late to stop himself.
He wants her full of his cum, until he’s emptied out all of the ache of himself into her, and her pretty, swollen cunt’s overfull with him until he dribbles out from between her lips and onto his fingers, making a mess of the sheets so he can start all over again.
Right at the precipice of his climax, she opens her eyes and looks up at him. There are tears of overstimulation clinging to her eyelashes, and her fingers are clutching gently at the back of his shirt.
Nobody has ever laid me down as low as you, he thinks, surprised at the strength of his emotion, willing her to understand.
But then he’s coming so hard his limbs go numb, and he isn’t thinking anything anymore.
He presses himself deep, deep inside, shaking violently as she swallows every pulse of his orgasm. His heart is thunderous in his ears, his muscles liquefied. He slumps, panting.
If she objects to the deadweight of his body over hers, she doesn’t say anything. He stays there, smothering her, trying to regain his breath, until he can feel her beginning to shift uncomfortably beneath him.
“Was that…okay?” she says, ridiculously, like his soul didn’t just leave his body.
He doesn’t even bother responding to the question. “You’re crazy,” he muses instead. “She’s crazy.”
He’s lifting himself off her when his chain swings from the neck of his shirt, clocking her between the eyes. “Oh, shit,” he says, as she gasps in pain. “Sorry, baby.” He presses his fingers to the spot, feeling guilty. “Normally I’d’ve taken that off.”
He’s usually far more thoughtful than this when he has company, but this time he hadn’t unclipped his necklace, or changed his clothes or sheets. The thought simply hadn’t occurred to him. Because she doesn't feel like—has never felt like—a guest in his bed. In fact, her absences have only ever felt like temporary discomforts to be endured until her return.
She’s scowling at him, her nose wrinkled up like a Weequay’s, and it’s so fucking cute he wants to kiss her again. “Why didn’t you?” she says.
She needs to ask? “Because it’s you.”
As he crawls back down between her legs, he finds a spectacular mess of cum and sweat and the evidence of her orgasms on the sheets, and fuck, it’s soaking down here. He wonders whether she even realises what she’s done.
He’s disappointed he didn’t get to watch. He’s sure he can get her to do it again, though.
She blinks down at him, her eyes glassy. “What are you doing?”
His mouth waters watching the way her wet skin shines and he feels an answering twitch in his recently-softened cock. “Cleaning you up. We’re not done yet.”
Her eyes widen, but whatever she does next, he misses it.
He’s preoccupied.
Just tagging a couple of the lovely people who commented on the original and might be interested in this, absolutely no pressure of course! x
@saradika @oscarseyebrow @the-little-ewok @bacarasbabe @writeforfandoms @hardc0rehaylz @moonlight-prose @lcvenderblues @onfiretakemehigher @littlemousedroid @viceofdionysus @grufflepuff-writes-stuff @ifimayhaveaword @millllenniawrites @liamakorn @lilhawkeye3 @grumpymuffinmama @dailyreverie @mandelirious
#poe dameron x f!reader#poe dameron x reader#poe dameron fanfiction#star wars fanfiction#from a certain point of view ask game#poe dameron smut#star wars smut#poe dameron fanfic#star wars fanfic
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Open Books (48) | Kim Namjoon
Tags/Warnings :- Child abuse, domestic violence, traumatized characters, bullying, self harm, mentions of toxic relationships, angst. I know it's dark but trust me it gets better! namjoonXreader, Namjoon and Y/n, A slow burn romance, fluff, strangers to friends, strangers to lovers, self love, healing, etc.
Cross posted on Wattpad
Written by Author G
Word Count :- 3.5k words
Additional Tags/Warnings ;- This chapter has ANGST! Sad tears everywhere! But don't worry, they get through it (at least a part of it). Namjoon is smug in this- he can NOT stop teasing Y/n omfg :( I feel bad for her, and myself (cause your author is falling in love with her characters and has to stop) To summarise this, buckle up for a lot of tears, lots of teasing and lots of smiles. It's the whole package (like namj- ok, I'll stop now)
heavily unedited, btw :) please, please forgive me if there are spelling errors. I stretched this out over a lot of days so it got tiring at a point :( thankyou for understanding <3
Masterlist Previously Next..? (In 2 weeks)
~Hope~
As Y/n stands behind the curtains that conceal her from the audience, her heart beats fast against her ribcage, loud like the bass of the speaker as the host starts the event, making blood rush up to the tips of her ears, awakening the unusual dream-like view on the world around her right now.
This is it. The turn in her life that leads to the smooth road on which she will continue her journey towards achieving her goals, her journey towards her dreamland that she'd been fantasizing about for as long as she can remember.
Nothing could ever compare to the excitement she feels right now!
Or at least, that's what she thinks.
The minute Y/n peaks out of the velvety, red curtain to get a look into how much of an audience there is, she spots Namjoon dusting something off of his pants as he settles down into his chair in the front row.
The mere fact that he chose to sit so close to the stage makes her heart flutter girlishly, mind squealing in delight.
The excitement she feels soon lulls into a lovely, pastel shaded emotion of calm when his eyes meet hers, a dimpled smile present on his face.
It's at this moment when she remembers how her liking for him has become a much simpler emotion than the complex one she had at the beginning. That is, when her liking for him tip-toed a small way past the fine line between friendship and more.
Y/n has willingly run away from the fine line now, further and further into the section of 'more', and the more she realizes how much of her heart she's putting into this, the more soft and homely it, & he feels to her.
Y/n has always thought of love as an emotion that would, in an ideal situation, occur naturally.
Her foster parents' relationship, however, had almost convinced her that she might be wrong.
Nevertheless, she did not ever see any harm in trying to cling onto hope for survival.
It's what enabled her to stay strong and live, after all.
This idea of 'love occurring naturally' is what makes Y/n's heart melt into a puddle of happy tears when the realization of how it is not a grand or fancy moment that she requires, but a simple, momentary glance into his eyes to remind her of how she feels more than just hope now.
Like how a flower gradually blooms to it's fullest to spread it's wonderful fragrance for everyone to enjoy, her hope has evolved and grown to become love.
What better way to dwell in the love than by spreading it?
And that's exactly what Y/n decides to do.
Little does she know, she's already spread it.
Namjoon loves it, and her.
*
The sound of the microphone's feedback combined with the audience's applause is the only indication of the seminars end, for her mind and heart are still stuck back at the stage that she walks away from, swooning at how well the entire ordeal had gone by.
She loved every part of it. The steady grow in confidence the longer she stood on stage was impeccable as the slight tremor in her hands waned away, mic no longer heavy in her hands as she explained the entirety of the project along with Ji-Hoon, highlighting every little detail that they worked on for hours, days, together.
But, oh, nothing could ever compare to the loving warmth she felt when she looked Namjoon in the eye.
It wasn't just her love for him that made her feel warm, but his.
Speaking of which, where is he? She asks herself as she strolls around the long, red carpeted corridors in search of the male.
Y/n had observed him get up half way through the seminar when he saw Seok-Jin arrive and signal for him to come over.
She strolls around for a little while more, a happy little skip accompanying her walk every now and then, much like the skips of her heartbeat as she thinks of finding him, speaking to him, merely being with him, in his presence.
Never once had Y/n thought she would have anything that she did today.
Getting an offer from such a prestigious university was far from the clutches of her thoughts when in high school, because, unlike her current academic scope, she wasn't a high scoring student.
What was the reason? Well, it could be because of problems at home, or the fear of math, but who cares? They're just excuses. And that attitude, the mere thought of wanting to be better than excuses, gave her hope.
Wanting to better herself and not limit herself to excuses, allowed her to grow room for more.
And liking someone? love? dating? Hah! Not only did Y/n frown upon the ideas, she thought they were unnecessary; blasphemous even.
She didn't believe in the superficial means of dating and attraction that accompanied the teenage dream.
She never believed she would be able to find love at such a young age.
And the fact that she did, makes her feel like a fool.
A fool, yes, but a fool in love.
Y/n turns to walk around the last corner on the left, voice low as she calls out to Namjoon in hopes of getting a reply.
"I know this is surprising Namjoon-ah" Seok-Jin' s voice is but a mumble as it comes from the dim lit room in the corridor. Y/n walks closer, hand raised to knock on the door, but before she can, she hears his voice.
"I'm n-not surprised" Namjoon's pleasant voice cracks, despair tainting it, making her heart drop.
On quiet toes, she moves away from the door and takes a seat on one of the many chairs present by it. It creaks slightly as she does, making her cringe, hoping that they haven't heard her.
"That's the problem.. I'm not surprised" Namjoon continues with a bitter chuckle and it's almost as if she can hear him grit his teeth as he says it.
"A part of me knew this would happen, and yet, I let it happen. I've let her down, hyung."
Oh..
Is it what I think it is?
"And I hate myself for it right now. How am I to tell myself to choose between things that I love, hyung?"
A small part of Y/n knew that a day like this would come. She knew all along.. and yet, let things go on as they were, for as far as they were.
"It's so unfair hyung.." Namjoon sniffles.. wait, sniffles?
He's crying?
Y/n's eyes widen at the thought, heart plunging to her stomach, dismissing the remnants of the butterflies that had pleasantly occupied it earlier. Now, the butterflies flutter their way up to her throat in the form of unshed tears, sitting there in a way that is too uncomfortable for her.
But then, what about this situation is pleasant?
"Namjoon-ah.. I tried.. I really did. But there was nothing more I could-"
Before she can stop it, the unshed tears in her throat escape her in the form of a small whimper, which they hear, no doubt.
"I'm sorry Namjoon-ah" Seok-Jin almost whispers before seemingly walking away, toward the door.
The want to help and comfort his friend weighs him down, head hanging low with the weight. He feels helpless. There's nothing he can do, really.
He comes to a stop beside Y/n and whispers a small, feeble apology, before he continues to make his way out of the corridor, the sound of his receding footsteps heavy like the dense atmosphere.
It's quiet as she listens to the silence that hangs in the air, contemplating on whether or not she should talk to Namjoon.
Hell, why was she even considering the latter?
She turns on her heel and faces the room.
There he stands, face blank, eyes filled to the brim with tears that threaten to spill as he stares at her, the hope that had blossomed up until now nowhere to be seen.
This is the first time Y/n has seen Namjoon cry.
It's always been him that stayed strong, for his mom, Dahee, for Y/n too. Not once has he failed her.
As she walks closer towards him, it becomes clearer as to why he is crying, pieces fitting together way too perfectly for her liking as she feels the familiar sting of hurt and anger prick her in the chest.
"Namjoon-ah" she calls out and his eyes meet hers.
Damn..
The very same eyes that looked at her with hope for more earlier today, stare into hers devoid of it.
Instead of the sparkling light behind those intricate slits, there's a dull, almost tired spark of the simple emotion we like to call love.
Namjoon is.. tired, to say the least.
Tired of having to fight for the smallest slivers of love that he expects from life. Tired of having done so at home, and having to face the same torturous experience here too, with her.
Not with her, please.. not her too!
Anger, contempt and distress bubble through his veins, and before he can stop himself, the emotions seep through his voice like they usually would when around the man that caused a similar kind of pain back at home.
"I do not want to talk about it, Y/n" his voice is curt, a sneer on his face, almost as if there's a.. wall that he's trying to put up around himself, as if he is trying to protect himself.
Protect himself, not from her, but from that miserable concoction of emotions that he whirls in right now.
Y/n feels a familiar prick in her heart, one that she knows all too well.
Never once had Namjoon, her Joon, ever spoken to her like so.
Voice ever so cold, eyes not willing to meet hers as if the very thought was foul. Instinctively, the sirens blare at her, noisily pleading for her to shield herself from the violent pinch in her proverbial heart.
Why? There is no need. This is Joon. He'd never hurt her.
His reaction.. was something she hadn't ruled out, something she considered might happen.
She has seen this before, felt this before.
This miserable instinct of not wanting to let the other person know that they've gotten to you no matter how much it hurt on the inside, might be the only thing that kept her sane back home.
And she completely understands how it might have affected him outside of such a hostile environment too. You see, she's experienced it too.
And she knows that the moment he uttered those words, a huge truck of shame would have crashed down upon him, making the self respect wither and welt away like the last flower in winter.
"Please.. talk to me" she whispers, hand on his shoulder as she tries to swallow the lump of tears down in hopes of staying strong for him.
Silence.
"Joon.. tell me. Is it what I think it is?" Y/n speaks once more, hating the fact that she can't find it in her to truly voice it out.
"I.. I can't Y/n-ah.. I can't do this all over again. I'm tired.." he breaks as pitiful sobs wrack through him.
"How.. how is it fair of him to ask me to choose between you and them?"
So it is that. The cliché "trainees must not date" rule they'd been dreading silently.
It must have been because the producer saw them together that day.. when Joon introduced her to him as his girlfriend.
This is isn't a big deal! We'll move past this.. right?
This.. sure, it might seem dramatic to most people. But to Namjoon, to Y/n, oh, it isn't drama. It's true exhaustion that settles in their bones as they think of how much they'll have to struggle for this too.
It's always been a battle for them. Be it at home, at school, with themselves.. they've always had to struggle for the smallest bits of hope. And now, Namjoon can't seem to find any more strength within himself to get up.
She can see that he's on the verge of letting go.. of giving up.
"Please, Namjoon-ah.. talk to me" Y/n begs, as if hearing his voice will soothe her aching heart.
However, it doesn't.
"No Y/n! I can't talk!"
Her breath hitches, and for the first time around them, uncomfortable silence follows.
Unbeknownst to him, contempt seemed to lace his voice. His face is twisted into a hateful scowl, the tears that stain his face angry, his eyebrows furrowed as if the last thing he wanted was her to see him so vulnerable.
The anger he seems to carry. The contempt. The fact that he doesn't want her to see him vulnerable, without any walls up.. she knows why this is happening. Like said before, sge is all too familiar with the trauma for her liking. She understands.
But, a small part of her can't help but think that maybe.. maybe it was only her that felt comfortable. Maybe she didn't earn all of his trust yet..
That breaks her.
Hot tears roll down her face, burning the skin as they do and she has to grit her teeth to try and calm herself down, eyes closed to try and block out the bright light, feeling all too overwhelmed by everything now.
Before she can let her mind race farther down that dark road, however, she feels herself being engulfed into a hug. One that seems to piece back all that she felt break inside her.
She feels safe in his arms. Warmth. Like a subtle ray of sunlight when out on a cold day.
The pleasant silence returns, loud enough to block out all that noisy chit-chatter.
That's all the apology she requires to soothe her. That's all the love she needs to find her way out. To find hope.
"I.. I can't talk about it" he starts, voice broken. "Because if I do, it would mean that it matters."
"But it does matter, Joon.. doesn't it?" She asks, although she feels no reason to.
She knows it does.
"Of course it does, Y/n. But, that scares me. Because, if it matters, it's real. And when it's real, it hurts." He completes, voice growing more steady, more sure with every word he speaks, almost as if the strength he lost returned as he did.
That's what being in her presence did to him. She gave him strength.
"But it is real. It does hurt, Namjoon-ah. We can't run from it." Y/n shakes her head, gently moving away from him to look at him. "Don't you think it's going to be easier if we do this together?"
"It would.." he nods as he cups her face, wiping away the tears that stained her cheeks. The tears he caused.
Wincing at the thought, he looks away, the pain returning once more.
How could have done this.. ugh.
He was the one that was supposed to protect her from harm if ever threatened.
He was the one that was supposed to keep her safe from pain.
He wasn't supposed to have fucking caused it!
That is the responsibility he took the moment he loved her. The moment she allowed him to do so.
To keep the other's heart safe. That is the responsibility of love.
And he failed, miserably so.
"I'm so sorry, Y/n-ah. I promise.." he feels his voice break once more as he presses his forehead against hers, unable to look her in the eye, ashamed of himself.
".. I promise Y/n..! I never meant to hurt you. Truly.." he begs.
"I know, Joon. I know. But, it.. it hurt that, even though it was for a second, you felt the need to hide how you felt about this from me." Y/n sniffles, hating that she can't stop the small tears although she isn't mad at him.
That, he hates.
She should be mad at him! Not just look at him with those eyes that already whisper words of love and affection.
She should give him a chance to work for it! How else is he supposed to get rid of the guilt he feels? How else is he supposed to feel worthy of her love once more? Of her, in all her grace?
"I can't take back how I said what I said, Y/n-ah. But, I don't know what else to do, but ask you if you can forgive me?" he pleads, voice a mere whisper, as if anything louder would break him.
"Of course I do, Joon." She replies, a small smile making it's way onto her face when he tucks a small strand of her hair behind her ear, staring at her as if she's the most precious to him on this planet.
She is.
"Let me make it up to you.. please. I really am sorry." His shoulders shake ever so slightly with the guilt that consumes him.
"Hey.. hey, I know." Y/n tilts his face up so its no longer looking down with shame, hating how he can't seem to accept her forgiveness. Hating how he's beating himself up for it.
"There's nothing to make up for. You made it better. It's ok, Joon. I'm fine, see?" It's her turn to wipe away the tears streaming down his face, smiling once he nods his head.
"Oh, I love you" he confesses, chuckling once she starts crying once more.
This wouldn't stop anytime soon, would it?
Neither of them are surprised with his confession. Maybe because he just stated what they knew all along.
There isn't much that changes for either of them when he utters the words.
The world doesn't stop, their hearts don't beat faster, there isn't a chaotic dance the butterflies perform.
No. Instead, they feel at peace. Like as if saying those words restored that little bit of hope they needed in the moment.
Of course he had to say it first! This day wasn't going as planned at all..! But then again, she isn't going to complain about this.
"Why? Don't you want me to love you?" Namjoon teases, a cheeky smile on his face as he tries to make the situation better, wiping away her tears once more.
"Shut up..!" She slaps him on the arm with a frown before engulfing him into another hug, laughing at how silly she was being.
"Come on, say it back. You know you want to." he teases more, tickling her once she refuses playfully.
"Ok, ok, fine! I love you too..!" She laughs out, swollen eyes seemingly disappearing when she smiles, nose a tinge of red from all the crying.(blushing too)
"There you go" he smirks cheekily, before leaning down to press a kiss against her forehead, making those butterflies flutter about once more, as if to celebrate the moment, dancing to the beat of hearts that compliment each other.
"What do we do about this.. situation, then?" Y/n asks, glad that they're both in a better frame of mind now.
"What? The one where you can't stop blushing like a tomato? Hm, let me think-" he teases, laughing once she slaps him on the head once more.
"Ok, ok! I'll stop!"
"You're so.. ugh!" She rolls her eyes, as if annoyed by him, although they both know that ain't the situation. The smile she wears gives it away.
"Either way, you still love me"
"Yes, you big old oaf, I do- That's not the point..!"
"Really? I can't help but think of anything but that, however. I wonder why.." He asks, standing up from his spot on the ground.
"Namjoon."
"What?"
"Shut up." She quips, making him laugh out once more as he helps her up onto her feet. He absolutely loved teasing her!
"Come on now, let's get some ice cream and.. you know, talk." He suggests, holding her hand in his warm one.
The walk to the convenience store is quiet, the fresh air just what they need as they think back to what happened, and the situation they're in.
They'd just have to handle it like how they would with any other, they agree. Face it head on, together.
They can't help but smile at the thought of how.. right, it feels to be together as Namjoon shows her the picture of their first outing to the amusement park. One where, much like they are now, eating ice cream, a small bit of it smudged on her nose in the picture.
This day could have gone better, yes. But it doesn't matter. They don't
want a fairy tale. They want each other. At their best, and worst. At their most true moments.
Their love is now stronger than before. Truer than before, because they got through it together.
After all, that's the purpose of their hope, isn't it? To get through tough times. To give each other strength. To be each other's love, and hope.
Oh, they loved this. Each other. Without a doubt.
#open books#namjoonff#namjoon fanfic#namjoon fluff#fluff#angst#hawt#namjoon x reader#kim namjoon#bts#kim seokjin#btsff#bts fanfic#romance#slowburn!au#slowburnromance#smugness#is#af#bye-#:)#finally!
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first kiss forum
♡ everyone has their first kiss eventually. sometimes, you just have to create an online forum to find the right one. and sometimes, the right one is not at all who you expected it to be.
genre: fluff, a tiny bit of angst if you look hard enough, university!au, friends to strangers to lovers!au
paring: na jaemin x female reader
word count: 3.5K
a/n: i have never had my first kiss b4 so the description of it might be a bit off lol but i tried. this is unedited btw. my masterlist is here!
tagging: @nct-writers
Everybody has their first kiss eventually.
First kisses are described as an experience every young girl yearns for. An experience classmates sit around in a circle and proclaim their excitement for, and gossip about their own stories. Something that, for some, was everything they'd ever hoped for and more - for others, a memory they’d rather forget.
A first kiss was something you had not had yet.
At the age of twenty-one, you were getting to the stage where your lack of romantic life was veering towards concerning. Now in your third year of university, you really thought that by now you would have at least had your first kiss. Or a boyfriend. Or even held someone’s hand romantically, for god’s sake!
You weren’t one to rush into things, though. You didn’t see the point in trying your hardest to get a boy’s attention when you were perfectly fine without it. Some people you knew couldn’t stand being single - for you, it was all you’d ever known. Sure, you’d wanted to be in a relationship before, but you’d always prioritised your education and grades over hooking up with people at random frat parties in the weekend.
The only problem was, your last remaining single friend, Asi, had gone and found herself a man, and was now just as loved up as everyone else. She was the friend you’d hang out with when everyone else was on dates with their significant other, the friend you’d roll your eyes with when your other friends were going on and on about the latest cute thing their partner had done for them. Now, you were all alone, with no one to save you from the clutches of boredom or second hand embarrassment.
You were happy for your friends - of course you were, all you wanted was for them to be content in their relationships - but it was worrying you that boys had never really shown an interest in you. You didn’t think you were ugly - in fact, you had a healthy level of self esteem - but you’d never had anyone confess their feelings for you like your friends had. You were starting to wonder if there was something wrong with you. Were you really that boring that no boys wanted to talk to you? Were you just that unlikeable?
Before your train of thought plunged itself off the rails and into a deep pit of self loathing and pity, you reminded yourself that you were, in fact, likeable. Boys had liked you before, of course they had - you were great! Only, it had been a long time since someone had had a crush on you.
Na Jaemin had been the first boy to show a serious interest in you, back when you were both just sixteen years old. Jaemin was that boy in class that all the girls had a secret crush on. He wasn’t necessarily good looking in an “oh my god he’s so hot!” kind of way, but his bright smile, eyes that shone with curiosity and amusement, and cheeky personality had you hooked on him since the first time you’d met him.
You’d been classmates with Jaemin since you were fourteen, and you’d had a crush on him for just as long, but it took a few more years for him to return your feelings. It was only after you were paired up for a science project together that you actually started talking to each other and becoming friends. Jaemin was virtually a massive ball of sunshine in the classroom, and ever since you were paired up together he always made sure to include you in conversations, games, and the friend groups he was in. It was a few months after your science project that you heard little snippets of conversations from his friends - rumours started circulating that Jaemin had a crush on you!
When you brought it up with him, expecting him to brush it off as a joke his friends had started to embarrass him, you were utterly shocked when he admitted the rumours were true. He told you outright that he liked you, but didn’t expect or want to pressure you into feeling the same way back, so he simply grinned and walked away before you could respond.
A few days later, he came into class carrying a yellow flower. You’re positive every single girl in your class had their eyes fixed on Jaemin as he walked up to your desk and placed it in front of you. The flower was frayed and browning at the edges, and it appeared Jaemin had simply ripped it out of his own back garden, but it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you.
After that, he constantly invited you to hang out with him and his friends at the local arcade or basketball court. He was never embarrassed to have you around, and would always make sure you felt comfortable and were having fun above all else. Soon, you would hang out together, just the two of you. You never established what your relationship was, but you both knew you were best friends, and that Jaemin liked you and you liked him just as much.
And then, he left.
Just like that, Jaemin was no longer a student at your school. You heard from his friends that he’d transferred to another school a couple districts over. He left without saying a word to you, and you weren’t even upset. You just wondered what would have happened between you two if he’d stayed.
Bringing yourself back to the present, you finally focused on what Asi was saying. It was when your best friend was going on a tangent about how lovely her new boyfriend was that you made a decision. If you couldn’t get your first kiss the conventional way, then you had no choice but to resort to unorthodox methods.
You were going to create a first kiss forum.
It was simple, really. Create an online forum with some crucial questions - name, age, why they wanted to be your first kiss, etc - and then send it off into the online world. It took you less than thirty minutes to decide on the questions, create the forum, and then post it on a facebook page followed by students from your university. You honestly felt a little embarrassed that you were going through this much effort all for a first kiss, and you were worried about what people would say in response to your post, but after an hour all the comments people left were either them being super supportive of your initiative or people tagging their friends to apply for the position of “first-kiss-taker”.
Now all you had to do was sit back and wait a couple of days for the responses to roll in.
“So, have you checked the responses to your forum yet?” Asi asked, reclining back into the sofa in your living room and grabbing a fistful of crisps. When you’d told her your plan to create the forum, Asi was hesitant. She didn’t believe you needed to go through all that effort just to get a first kiss - according to her, first kisses weren’t even a big deal anyway - but once she realised your mind was set she did everything in her power to be that supportive best friend you needed.
“Not yet,” you sighed, fiddling with your phone in your hand. “I’m just nervous, you know? What if no one wants to be my first kiss, and they only applied because they thought it would be funny?”
“Well, there’s only one way to find out, Y/N. Crack that bad boy open and let’s go through some of the responses!”
You’d refrained from checking the forum since you’d posted it thus far, but at this point it had been quite a few days and the hype your post initially received had died down. Pulling up the forum on your phone, Asi leaned over your shoulder while your jaw hung open in surprise.
“Asi, are you seeing this?” You managed to stammer out. “53 responses? That’s so much more than I was expecting. I thought I’d get, like, five at the most!”
“Damn, that is a lot,” Asi replied, beaming at you. “Now let’s narrow that 53 down to one.”
Huddled together over your screen, you and Asi spent the next few hours deciding between the applicants, searching for your ideal first kiss taker. “How about this guy, Taeyong?” She suggested.
“His responses to the questions were sweet,” you agreed, and then blanched. “Asi, he’s 25! I don’t want to have my first kiss with someone that much older than me!”
“Okay, so someone close in age with you....hmm, how about this dude, Donghyuck?”
Glancing at the screen for a second, you shook your head. “Did you see his response for the ‘why do you want to be Y/N’s first kiss’ question? He said ‘because I have a corruption kink’. No thank you.”
“God, you’re so fussy, Y/N!” Asi joked, shoving you lightly with her shoulder, although your focus was back on the applicants.
“How about this guy? He simply put his name as J but his responses are so heartfelt,” you pointed out. “In response to the ‘why do you want to be Y/N’s first kiss’ question, he said ‘have you seen her? Y/N is literally a goddess sent down from the heavens and a first kiss is a beautiful experience for both parties and one I would love to share with her’.”
“Oh, so this J is a sweet talker then, huh?” Asi grinned. “I think you’ve already made your mind up, then. Go ahead and message him, he sounds like a good guy!”
And message him you did.
“What the hell am I supposed to wear?”
Today was the day you’d agreed to meet this mysterious J and have your first ever kiss. After selecting J out of all the applicants, you’d messaged him with the good news that he’d been chosen. J seemed really excited, and you’d been talking with him every day leading up to when you would finally meet him. The lucky guy seemed almost perfect for you. Somehow, J knew exactly what to say in response to your messages, and every time you checked your phone you were smiling because of something funny he had said. He was genuinely sweet, and you don’t think you could have made a better choice when it came to your first kiss taker.
Only now, you had spent too long fretting about your outfit and you were running slightly late to your meeting with J. You’d both agreed to meet at this cute little park down near the subway station close to your university - somewhere public, so you felt safe, but also somewhere that was relatively quiet and offered you some privacy. J had sent you pictures of himself before, but only pieces of his appearance - a mirror shot with his face covered by his phone, a corner of his eye and forehead, his hair - nevertheless, you still felt confident you’d made the right decision and that J was the right person for the job.
You sent J a quick ‘I’m here now, sorry I’m late’ text once you reached the park, and headed towards your agreed meeting spot. There was an old bench secluded under a wide cherry blossom tree that you’d decided to meet J at, and because it was over the other side of the park you picked up your feet and increased the pace.
You only slowed down when you spotted a figure, already sitting on the bench under the tree. As you got closer, you realised it was a male, around your age, dressed in a knitted brown sweater and black jeans. His light brown hair was wavy and brushed back from his face, and he appeared to be clutching something tightly in his hands. He looked vaguely familiar from this distance, you thought, but you figured it was because you were finally seeing his face in real life, rather than piecing it together through random selfies.
That was, until you were close enough for him to notice you, and turn around to say, “hi, Y/N. It’s nice to finally meet you again.”
Standing up from the bench was Na Jaemin, your former best friend and crush, holding a bunch of yellow flowers between his hands. Of course J was Jaemin, that was just your luck.
You and Jaemin hadn’t left on good terms. Back in high school, back when you were best friends with him, Jaemin was very popular. He seemed to do everything right - from hotspotting your classmates to helping them with their homework, Jaemin was loved by everyone because of how caring he was. You were lucky enough to bear the brunt of that kindness when you were his friend, but you were also young and prone to jealousy.
Not only was he loved by everyone, but Jaemin seemed to love everyone back as equally as much. His innate ability to charm literally everyone he talked to - from classmates to teachers to parents - was something you’d loved about him at first, but soon became the bane of your existence. You found it hard to share Jaemin’s attention with everyone else in your class, and, although you knew Jaemin liked you the most, in your eyes it seemed like he was treating your classmates the same way he treated you.
You started questioning whether Jaemin actually liked you at all, or if you’d just read too much into the situation. You tried to ignore the sweet smiles and kind compliments he gave other girls in your class, and looking back now you realised he was only being friendly and that’s just who he was as a person, but you were starting to slip into the poisonous grasp of jealousy and feel like you were no more special than anyone else.
One day you decided to confront Jaemin about how nice he treated everyone, and how it made you feel like he didn’t behave towards you the way someone would to their crush, and he did not take that conversation well. You don’t blame him, not really, considering you essentially told him to stop being so nice to everyone and focus on you instead. Jaemin said he wasn’t going to stop being kind to people because you felt jealous, which upset you even more, and you didn’t talk to each other in the days following your fight.
When Jaemin left your school, you two were still very angry at each other, so he didn’t tell you he was having to leave. Quite frankly, you didn’t care. Jaemin could suck it, at that point. If he insisted on treating you the same way as your classmates, who he didn’t have a literal crush on, then he didn’t deserve you at all. You felt like a whole lot of weight and unnecessary jealousy was lifted when Jaemin left, but as you got older you started to wonder how your relationship would have turned out if you hadn’t been so damn immature.
It’s funny, really. When you were sixteen, you thought Jaemin was going to be your first. Your first boyfriend, your first kiss, your first love. And here he was, five years later, offering to give that to you.
“I got you flowers. I remember they used to be your favourite,” Jaemin spoke, flashing you a soft smile as he held out the bouquet of flowers to you. Now that he was standing next to you, you noticed all the traces of the sixteen year old version of him that you were familiar with. Although he had gained an extra half foot in height and lost the chubbiness of his cheeks, he retained the stunning smile and bright eyes that you fell in love with all those years ago. He really was handsome now.
“So, you’re J?” You managed to say, confusion and surprise evident in your voice as you took the flowers. You took a seat back down on the bench and Jaemin followed your lead, sitting closely beside you.
“That I am. Sorry I wasn’t honest with you about who I was,” he admitted. “I figured you probably wouldn’t meet up with me if you knew who J really was.” You lifted the flowers up to your nose and took a long draw of the flowery scent. Jaemin was right, that infuriatingly attentive bastard, they were your favourite.
“Right. And yet you still applied to be my...first kiss?”
Suddenly, you felt very embarrassed to confess you’d never had your first kiss before. Jaemin was gorgeous, and there was no way he was in the same boat as you, you thought as humiliation flooded through your body.
“Uh yeah, about that,” Jaemin chuckled, a blush appearing on his cheeks. Hold up, why was he blushing? “When I saw your post about the first kiss forum online, I was so surprised that you’d never had your first kiss before. I kept thinking, if we hadn’t stopped talking to each other we probably would have been each other’s first kiss back in high school.”
He paused, and glanced at the ground, unable to keep eye contact with you. “I feel really bad, you know. With how things ended between us. We never dated, Y/N, but I really liked you. When I moved to my new school, I wanted to message you and tell you all about it, but because you never messaged me I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”
Your breath caught at Jaemin’s words, and you felt a wave of guilt wash over you. “That’s not true,” you revealed, and he finally looked up at you again. “I was so angry at you, yes, but I missed you so much, too. I wanted to talk to you, but my pride stopped me from messaging you first. If you’d sent me a text I would have replied.”
“I nearly did. When I finished high school, I was going through all my old subject books and found a note you’d written me. It was so childish, something about how you would love me forever, with a stupid little love heart beside it, but I suddenly had the urge to wrap you in a massive hug and tell you I was sorry, and that I forgave you. I was going to message you that day, but we hadn’t talked for years and I thought you would find that weird,” Jaemin said sadly.
He let out a loud sigh, and replaced the very sorry look on his face with a bright smile. “I’ve had my first kiss already, but when I saw your forum I thought it wasn’t too late to give you yours!”
“Wait, what?” You furrowed your brows, your brain still processing the fact that Na Jaemin missed you as much as you missed him, if not more. “You actually want to be my first kiss?”
“Of course! I couldn’t give it to you when we were sixteen, but it’s not too late to make up for past mistakes, Y/N.” Jaemin placed a hand over your own and pulled it closer to him, wrapping you in his warmth. “Y/N, I would be honoured to be your first kiss, if you’ll have me.”
Unsure as to how to reply, and transfixed by how seriously Jaemin was taking this whole ordeal, you simply nodded your head eagerly. His eyes lit up with pure happiness when you gave him the green light, and Jaemin turned on the bench so you were facing each other directly. He placed a hand lightly on your jaw and tilted your head upwards - not with force but with a dominance gained only from having kissed others before - and searched your eyes for any signs of resistance, finding none.
One minute you were gazing back into Jaemin’s rich brown eyes, and the next his lips were on yours, pressing softly against your mouth. It was like an alarm went off in your head, screeching to you that your childhood crush, your first love, was in fact actually kissing you and this wasn’t a figment of your imagination. Using his palm to tilt your head slightly to the side, Jaemin deepened the kiss and you grasped for his forearms as he increased the intensity by parting your unpracticed lips. Tremors passed from your head down to every single fibre in your body, and through the pleasure and dizziness you were vaguely aware that you were kissing him back. Kissing Jaemin was exactly how you imagined it would be, yet it was a whole new experience at the same time. A perfect mix of familiar and foreign.
After a few long moments, Jaemin released your lips and leaned back, a smile equal parts bashful and smug crossing his face. His face was red, and you weren’t quite sure whether it was from a lack of air or because of what you’d just done together, but what you did know was that you couldn’t think of someone more perfect to share your first kiss with.
“So,” Jaemin grinned. “I think we have about five years worth of kissing to catch up on.”
© 0606-hyuck 2021. All Rights Reserved.
#neowritingsnet#cznnet#nct-writers#dreamwritersnet#nct#nct dream#na jaemin#jaemin nct#nct jaemin#jaemin#jaemin x reader#jaemin scenario#jaemin imagine#jaemin fic
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@gellcrt replied to your post: Here’s your reminder that the only other character...
… rude af, let’s not start on that loop again!! sidenote though because I just realized this but… wow the implications of 1. *albus* believing that gellert could conjure up a powerful enough HAPPY memory for that and 2. do so wandlessly, what. don’t ruin this for me by suggesting that “supporters” could break him out or other means. YES HI MY NAME IS A AND I RANDOMLY HIJACK YOUR POSTS I AM SORRY
..............................albus never would have thought supporters would break him out. i mean, yeah, that could happen (gellert certainly inspired enough loyalty), but that definitely wasn’t in his thought process regarding where he imprisoned gellert. it was all about how gellert is an extremely powerful wizard and albus really didn’t want to have to kill him, thus he needed a good enough prison. so . . . yeah, he fully believed that azkaban wouldn’t be able to hold gellert, and all that implies. . . ( he feels extremely called out by you pointing this out, btw )
( and there’s no loop to be had !! he won the duel, you lost, case closed )
gellcrt replied to your post “gellcrt replied to your post: Everything from the...”
. . .. me, realizing this: did you... did you really write 3.5k about how tedious and irritating Albus finds godric's hollow??? wow.
.........................................was it really that long?? sweats;; there was clearly more going on in there than that !!
( but you say this as if i haven’t previously written you over 1k words about albus’s specific feelings about gellert during that summer, like, come on now. . .)
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not frerard
Gen
well. shit. - an asshole!mcr ficlet disguised as a desolation row au….. it’s just an excuse to write the boys as jerks. 0.7k
The Year of Living Safely - Post-sobriety MCR. This is as much about me and my own brother as it is about the Way boys, and Christ was it hard to write; it brought a lot of painful things to the surface. 12k
painful but worth a read. or ten.
also, there’s some background one-sided frerard, but very low-key. and i repeat: one-sided.
Now With More Cowbell - Hermes - trickster god first and foremost, the patron saint of robbers and thieves, of conmen and rockstars. He’ll go to bat for you if you make him laugh or if he likes your style, or if you have an offering that tickles his fancy (he’s fond of stuffed animals, cigarettes, and ugly puppies, just as an FYI).
One of his godly duties is to guide souls to the underworld, lead them into their personal version of the afterlife, though maybe some people he doesn’t like get lost along the way. He’s not too great with messages, either, to be honest. 0.5k
Not a Pretty Girl - 28k
Gen. Always-been-a-girl fic featuring kick ass female drummer, Bob Bryar. The story is a series of shorter fics all about her life before MCR, growing up as a woman in the Chicago scene, touring with The Used, joining MCR and everything that comes with that. It's awesome. + art!
The Year of Living Safely - Post-sobriety MCR. This is as much about me and my own brother as it is about the Way boys, and Christ was it hard to write; it brought a lot of painful things to the surface. 12k
Incredibly painful but worth a read. Or ten. Does have one-sided Frank/Gerard (mentioned).
Away With The Boys In The Band - Behind the Music: My Chemical Romance, in the world where Mikey has always been a girl. 69k
Ship(s): Mikey Way/Otter, Mikey Way/Gabe Saporta, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Mikey Way/Alicia Simmons
^ I could not put this down. The writing is so so so spectacular, and the dialog is both interesting and realistic. A lot of angst, but still hilarious at parts. Please read. Putting this under both Gen and Other ships because whilst it doesn’t focus on a specific pairing Mikey’s relationships are brought up, just like all the other parts of her life are.
Update because I need to add some things: Listen! Words can not express how obsessed with this fic I am. I made a mixtape for it. Fanart. Currently working on a ebook version of it so I can print it out. Guys. You do not understand how fucking fantastic this fic is. Don’t scroll away from me, I’m serious! Fucking click the link dammit. Click it. C’mon. I’m waiting–click iiiiit. You back yet? Yeah? What did I tell you! I know, it is amazing! You okay? Got tissues? Good. Okay now go wash your face and eat a snack. No, no, no need to thank me, the pleasure was all mine.
Life on the Fashion Scene - This season of Project Runway becomes infamous for reasons beyond the quirks of the designers, Matt P.'s ousting, Pete's apparently crippling co-dependence on Patrick, and the rumored trysts between Mikey and Pete spawned by their formation of the Sweet Little Dudes Club (and the resulting matching t-shirts). 6k
Oh my god. Oh my. God. See, when I first saw the description I just started laughing hysterically. And then I started reading the first paragraph, just to see how ridiculous it would be. But I couldn’t put it down. So I read the entire thing, got way to invested, and now I’m begging strangers on the internet to read it. ...Please do!!!
Rappelling Down Mount Vesuvius - 1k | Gen
I love reading little snippets of their lives like this. Just the right amount of fluff and backstory for something bittersweet and hopeful.
Other ships
Away With The Boys In The Band - Behind the Music: My Chemical Romance, in the world where Mikey has always been a girl. 69k
^ I could not put this down. The writing is so so so spectacular, and the dialog is both interesting and realistic. A lot of angst, but still hilarious at parts. Please read. Putting this under both Gen and Other ships because whilst it doesn’t focus on a specific pairing Mikey’s relationships are brought up, just like all the other parts of her life are.
Ships: Mikey Way/Otter, Mikey Way/Gabe Saporta, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Mikey Way/Alicia Simmons
Thank You For The - Just an alien in New Jersey, looking for a mate. 0.5k
"Have fun," Gerard said, even though he'd just told Mikey he couldn't have fun because he needed to be careful. Mikey wished his venom sacs were fully developed. He would spit on Gerard's shoes.
Ship: Gabe Saporta/Mikey Way
Not Smashing Windows - In the beginning, they were the scene. An origin story. 32k
From Gabe’s POV, and it’s done flawlessly. It somehow emulates the same feeling one gets from stumbling across an overlooked short film at three a.m. on youtube. The one you can’t help but wonder about, how it is that you’ve never heard about it before. Like it is in its own bubble of existence. Feeling afraid to even breathe or look away, afraid that it’ll disappear at any time, that it was too good to be true. Something you shouldn’t be able to hold in your hands. This fic feels incredibly personal to read. Gabe’s longings of intimacy, the hopelessness at parts. I could feel my fondness for the characters grow enormously in this fic.
The wording and conversations and scenes paint a brilliant picture that will stay with you for a long time. I know it will for me at least.
Ship: Gabe Saporta/Mikey Way
Reaching Through The Mirror - The one where Party Poison and Basement!Gerard have sex. 5k
(part one of Time Travel ‘verse)
Ship: Gerard Way/Gerard Way
James Cameron Got It Wrong - In which 2005!Frank and Fun Ghoul get it on. Then Frank accidentally winds up in 2019. 56k
(part two of Time Travel ‘verse)
Ship: Frank Iero/Frank Iero
Put Your Mouth Over The Stupid Things We're Taught We Ought To Say - Gabe wakes up drunk, holding on to the bed for dear life and hoping he's not about to die. He's had nightmares about that, lately. Waking up confused and disoriented and then a few minutes later, dead. Sometimes there's symbolism and shit. 5k
Ship: Gabe Saporta/Mikey Way
00.06 - '4 and 14 adopt a newborn baby together. What do they name it, how do they raise it, etc, etc. Do they eventually get it siblings? Do they ditch it in a dumpster on prom night because its not as fun as they thought?’
THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. And yet, I am oddly charmed by it. 2k
oh my god. it was hilarious.
Ship: Gerard Way/James Potter
Code Red - In the fall out of a fire fight, Party Poison goes looking for medicine, and finds pretty much the exact opposite of that. 2k
Ship: Korse/Party Poison
Frank/Gabe pr0n - "I need you to go to a party with me tonight."
Frank blinked and looked up at Mikey, frowning. "What?" 2k maybe
Ship: Frank/Gabe
Workplace Appropriate Attire - Korse is a creepy boyfriend. 1k
This was fun to read, but some lines made me go OH SHIT, because ...... well if you read this you will know what I’m talking about.
Ship(s): Korse/Party Poison
love on the webways - As a writer, Grant supposes he could have considerably worse habits than trolling his own message boards.
A totally ridiculous AU vaguely inspired by You've Got Mail. 32k
This was so fun to read! It’s a what-if-they-broke-up-after-tbp fic btw.
Ship: Grant/Gerard
We Got Machines - There are questions on the lips of everyone with eyes or money on the arena. Who is this kid? Where’d he come from? Who trained him? BLind’s got no records on him, meaning he’s a Zonebrat returning to the grasp of the city of his own volition. Another anomaly. That a 16 year old nobody could waltz in out of nowhere and turn the system on its head is... concerning to BLind. <1k
Part 1 of KJ/Griefers 'verse (3.5k in total)
Ship: Deadmau5/G3rard
xoxoxoxo - Party Poison wakes up somewhere he's never been - but there's plenty that's familiar here. 1k
Ship: Party Poison/Korse
I'll Repair For You (When The Roof Starts To Fall) - When Gerard inherits a house in Scotland from a distant relative, he doesn't expect to have to spend quite so much time at the hardware store. He also doesn't expect to fall in love with the tiny little village or with one of his neighbors...who just happens to be Grant Morrison. 17k
Ship: Grant/Gerard
In Firmer Chains, Our Hearts Confine - Former musical composer and current writer Gerard Way is a sensation of the musical and literary scenes of 1800s London. But after struggling for ages with his new book, he’s close to giving up. Until he receives an offer from Grant Morrison himself; to go to his manor in Scotland and work on his novel in peace. Gerard seizes upon the chance immediately. Grant, however, has a dark secret he’s desperately trying to keep hidden. And Gerard has a few of his own. 37k
Picture me, casually stumbling upon this fic one late night. Historical? Check. An AU but Gerard’s talents are still appreciated and encouraged, and he makes a name for himself? Double check. Grant Morrison? Check. Gerard and Grant’s dark secrets? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK
Me: *already fucking shaking from excitement, now glancing up at the tags*
Enter the tag Alternate Universe - Vampire. Queue foaming at the mouth.
This fic was so fucking awesome in so many ways I don’t even know where to begin. The slow and suspenseful unraveling of secrets and mysteries. The numerous parallels drawn between the AU and real life events of the people in it, and that the author made sure that they all worked within the AU without a hitch. All the actions and ambitions of the people in it that somehow managed to balance masterfully on the fine line between what’s canon and what’s realistic for that time period.
Fuck, lurkers guys. I’m not sure if my word-vomiting even gets anyone to read fic on my list, but for the sake of this fic (and my ego sdkjlskldhfklf) I ask anyone reading this to p l e a s e read it. For your own sake. And mine. Because I need to yell about this fic with somebody, STAT.
Ships: Gerard/Grant, and very, I repeat, VERY low-key Frank/Mikey
Looking for Satellites - Galaxy-hopping alien trader Gerard has business on space station Perseus Four. Getting to know station administrator Grant is a nice bonus. 25k
Gerard is a sexy, telepathic and open minded (heh) alien and it’s great.
Ship: Gerard/Grant
Candle on the Drawer - No one thinks your hands being funny colors is weird when you go to art school. Probably about 1-3k
“So, okay. Gerard maybe has a drawer full of candles in every color of the rainbow. It’s kind of weird, yeah, but it’s not like anyone ever goes digging in his drawers so it’s not something he really feels the need to hide. How was he supposed to know that Gabe was going to go digging in drawers for whatever reason? How was he supposed to know Gabe was going to be in his room at all? He’s more Mikey’s friend.”
Gerard is into waxplay!
Ship: Gerard/Gabe
the only hope for me - Korse has never been one to show his emotions. 1k
Ship: Korse/Party Poison
your kicks don't hit, so we remain the same - a battery city ambush goes somewhat wrong. 0.8k
Ship: Korse/Party Poison
Methane Skies - Run, run, bunny, run. 3k
Hot damn this is some creepy and suspenseful stuff.
Ship: (implied) Korse/Party Poison
All the Broken Pieces (Keep Cool, Stay Tough) - Up until that fateful night, Frank’s had a pretty decent life. But everything’s changed and now he’s got to figure out how to be himself again. With the help of some really groovy friends, Peppers, and his never-give-up attitude, Frank gonna get there. He’s sure of it. 39k
There’s this spectacular scene involving an escalator and Frank making a grand entrance that immediately pops into my head when I think of this fic.
Description by babylynz: OH MY FUCKING GOD OKAY, THIS IS A FRIKEY FIC BUT IT’S SO FUCKIGN GOODJDDJDHHHGHG
basically Frank gets in an accident that leaves him unable to walk and it’s a really emotional kinda story (but like .. Idk, it’s lighthearted) about him getting used to everyday life again and he meets Mikey online and they bond over really shitty movies and they meet up and AHH!!! Also Ray is like …. a ,,,, what is it …… He helps Frank get used to having sex again after the accident? He’s one of his therapists idk it’s a really good story, read it.
Ship: Frank Iero/Mikey way
And the Painted Ponies - After years of struggling to be taken seriously as a bodyguard, Frank Iero is finally well established. He loves his boss, Ray, he loves his job, and he prides himself on his professionalism. But then he's assigned to be the personal bodyguard of Mikey Way.
Mikey Way, aka Roboboy, is a successful high fashion model. Loved by designers and the public alike for his trademark lack of emotion, but mocked by the tabloid press for the exact same reason. Mikey is someone that Frank's sure he'll hate. Except it doesn't work out that way.
In fact, it doesn't take long before Frank discovers he really likes Mikey. Maybe too much. 34k
Ship: Frank Iero/Mikey way
mutilate, maim and destroy (just a tad) - For clarification, this fic is about Gerard Way the actual person being tortured by Korse in the Killjoys universe. Like. Hnng, you'll see nevermind.
Ship: Gerard/Korse
Your Dirty Smile Shames the Sun - Pancakes, throat fucking, and a good book. It's kind of Mikey's idea of a perfect day. 6k
Ship: Mikey/Frank
london calling - Gerard feels like his life needs to change, so he moves to London. After years of hard work, he gets a book deal with a press that will finally allow him to write exactly the book he's always wanted to write. When he meets his new editor, Grant Morrison, he's surprised at how much they get along. 28k
Ship: Grant/Gerard
A Room Full Of Suicides - His jaw was clenched and his whole body quivering. He looked right at Korse with those huge, transparent eyes. “Do what you want to me. I don’t give a shit, Korse.” He drew in a breath that shook. “You wouldn’t understand. It’s about standing up for what you believe in.”
God, the kid was adorable. Korse couldn’t wait to make him scream. 4
Ship: Korse/Party Poison, Fun Ghoul/Party Poison (implied)
For a Different View - AU. Ray Toro is a girl, Rae, but MCR is still just MCR. 49k
The first time they went over to Mikey’s house, Mikey tossed her a beer and said, "My brother might come up. Maybe not, though. He gets weird in the middle of projects.” She found out what he meant halfway through Dawn of the Dead, when a bundle of black fabric barreled from the basement door to the refrigerator and back down to the basement without saying a word to either of them.
I need to finish this!!! But –gah. Such awesome awesomeness.
Ship: Ray/Mikey
From The Corner to The Block - A bike messenger AU. 4k
The comment I left: Oh my god. An AU I never knew I wanted but one I now cannot live without. That was incredibly cute!!
“What are you watching? Is that Degrassi?”
“No,” Frank says quickly, just as a voiceover blares, “Degrassi: The Next Generation will be right back,” because this is Frank’s life.
^ I’m pretty sure my laughter from that line woke up at least one person from my household. Poor Frank.
Ship: Frank/Mikey
Out Where The Sand's Turning To Gold - "Last call, last song," the singer says, touching a finger to the microphone and making it pop softly at the crowd. "For all you lovers out there." 5k
Ship: Gerard/Gabe
Superheroes (2-part series) - Mikey isn’t a superhero. 3k
Ship: Frank/Mikey
vampires will never hurt you - Contrary to what some people in Strahd might think, Bert’s not a fucking idiot. Contrary to what Gerard and Frank might think, Bert’s not a fucking idiot.
Ever since this whole thing started, ever since Gerard and Frank cornered him at the open mic event at his junior college shortly after he decided to go and open his big damn mouth about that picture he’d found in the History of Strahd book that was collecting dust in the back of the library, the picture in which both Gerard and Frank were clearly present, dressed in typical 19th century garb, giving their best vampire smolder--Yeah. Bert has known ever since then, and ever since they had told him how talented of a poet he was, and that they were interested in having him perform at the parties they host for all the town’s leaders up at their old mansion on the hill, that they have had some type of secret agenda as their endgame.
He just hadn’t really expected it to be this.
[this is what happens when i get tired of bert being the bad guy in mcr fic and decide i have to do EVERYTHING myself] 1k
Ship: Frank Iero/Bert McCracken/Gerard Way
Candy Cane Vodka - "Yeah, Mikey, you accidentally made fucking peppermint Everclear. Congratulations and all, but Jesus Christ."
Mikey gets an idea on the road after finding a bargain bin book on homemade infusions. Experimentation follows, and Yuletide chaos ensues.
ngl... i’m tempted to make that vodka mixture
Ships: Mikey/Ray, Frank/Gerard
drive-by drabble - SO SHORT ALSO LMAO <1k
Ship: Frank/Gabe/Gerard
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