#this job is draining me
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I just wanna scream for a few hours
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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tyrion lannister, hand of the king
#got#asoiaf#game of thrones#a song of ice and fire#its so funny. he sent me to drain the cisterns#tywin is all im a stonecold strategist motherfucker couldn't even give his son an allegorical shit job he gave him a literal shit job#for all tywins apparent emotionlessness he is in fact a man just as led by his dick and his fervor as his father and its awesome#tyrion lannister#tywin lannister
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kaveh redraw from the latest official art!
#kaveh#kaveh fanart#genshin#genshin impavt#genshin fanart#genshin impact fanart#help me my job is draining the life out of me#i dont have time to draw#im exhausted already i hate being an adult help#my art
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I know this goes against the Customer Service Canon but after three years of mostly being at home alone due to unemployment, I actually feel like it's been doing me some good being in my new customer service role where I have to be nice to people and act out being in a good mood. You know that rule about how faking a smile still releases the happy hormones? Feels kind of like that.
Like don't get me wrong, I'm still an introvert by nature so I'm exhausted when I get home. And I still get fussed at by angry patients sometimes, I still get rude people. It's not a walk in the park. But even when I wasn't working, I still ran into assholes everywhere that could ruin my day. Meanwhile being in a job where I have to interact with people and be helpful no matter what has led to me having a lot more positive interactions in a day than I've had in years. I get people expressing gratitude to me. I get to actually feel like I'm making a difference in someone's day and that I'm needed. Really feeling the pack animal dopamine that I've been deficient in for years that just isn't possible to get through the internet.
#I regret to inform the introvert hermit site that human interaction has been good for my mental health after all#devastating news#I still don't think this role in particular is my forever job because it's so hectic all day#literally nonstop Go Go Go the moment our practice opens#and that leaves me really drained#but overall I can tell there's a marked improvement from having interaction forced upon me
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working on something super self-indulgent because if etsy wont give me aym and baal charms then im gonna make them myself
#my sick leave is over and my customer svc job drains me and im also very tired so can you undestand the kind of stress im under#but we stay silly#wip#cult of the lamb
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You're not a failed artist.
After over almost two decades on the internet, entering various art communities and establishing my online presence, I've noticed something.
The persistent idea that you've "failed" as an artist if you get a "real job" will not go away.
This, for the longest time, permeated my electronic meat slab and nestled in deeply MUCH to my detriment . For years I fought with myself over this idea. Self-flagellating and noisy, negative thoughts were almost suffocating because I was unable to Do Art As A Job consistently and efficiently enough to maintain a living off of it.
Between navigating life for almost 30 years not knowing I was autistic (and all that entails) and trying to turn something I love into something I could make a living off of, it was a vicious and repetitive cycle of trying something new, getting burned out, entering a depressive state, climbing out of it, rinse and repeat. This is clearly unsustainable, especially now that I am more independent in my adult life; bills aren't going to wait for me to get out of my depressive funks. Even having jobs and still making art on the side today, this idea is still nestled in there, nagging me sometimes.
Would I like to make a living off of my art? Of course! Would it be even better if I was supported from making stuff from my own IP's? You fucking bet. But I know how I operate, I know I can't personally do that (yet? maybe?).
Now, I realize not everyone can just go get a job, and I don't want this to come off as a rally cry to Just Go Out and Work (I know many creative people are disabled or have other reasons they cannot work), but I do want to stress that its okay if art needs to remain more of a hobby than a job. It is okay if you cannot sustain yourself solely as a living artist.
Over the years, I've burned myself out so god damn hard and have watched others work themselves to (near) death or can barely scrape by because of this incessant feeling that we need to be doing art 100% of the time to have "made it". It is hurting us both physically and emotionally to keep this shit up.
Going forward, we have to do better.
There is no shame in having an income that is not dependent on the things you make. I think that it can help alleviate a lot of stress and fatigue that can become associated with creating (and thus, making it hard to do something you love).
We need to learn to be kinder to ourselves and unlearn comparing our experiences to what we see from other creative peers on social media. Its hard, finding work sucks ass, and no job will be perfect, but if it can help you survive a little easier and rekindle your relationship for creating the things you love to make, it'll make a world of difference.
You are not a failed artist. You're doing what you can so you can keep doing what you love.
#*Real Job is used here within the context of mainly not getting employment in a creative field#I know that many creative people are able to get jobs within creative fields#but even that can help alleviate the financial pressure of having your creative outlet be draining#because your livelihood depends on it#Also I would like to note that while it would be nice to have UBI and more support for the arts in general in the US#that is not the case in the current economic setting and I fear it won't be that way for a while so working will have to do for now.#UBI would fix me#art#artists#creative burnout
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Could you guys pray for me? I'm currently stuck in a job with a very toxic work environment (managers have literally told us that "we shouldn't expect recognition for our work," "if you're unhappy with your job that's your fault, not ours," and basically that there is no growth within the company). The only jobs around me that aren't as toxic or mentally draining are ones that I am currently going into a Master's for. So while I don't have the exact experience, per se, I am in the process of doing so and am more than willing to learn. My mental health has really been taking a toll because of all this. Please pray that I'm able to leave this job and get a better one soon.
#rin rambles#prayer request#irl#it's really draining coming into work knowing that the people who do (ironically) get recognized are those who don't question the system#and those of us who are newer or less liked due to this questioning don't get promotions or better working conditions#i've applied to other jobs and have been turned down so i'm praying i'm able to get out of here soon#please pray for me. and my coworkers for that matter
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i never know what to say when this happens...
transcript:
Quarter:
(It's been a little bit since i've made am illustration... It's mot the vest, but at least i finished something.)
Some guy I've never seem before:
"Wooow! You're getting so much vetter! keep it up!"
Q:
Thanks? (What are you talking about?)
#quarterdraws#comic#loose change#Yeah I know the quality of stuff that I usually draw#Isn't the best#But im also. Making quite a lot of art.#Ive tried to go full tilt all the time before#I have.#And its terrible for me.#Why drain the tank when the goal isn't to Draw Good its to learn other skills. Im stretching other muscles!#Its weirdly infantilizing?#Esp when its clearly coming from someone Brand New#And I've clearly done other. Better work in the recent past.#Like yeah I know they mean well#But its like patting me on the head and telling me ''good job champ!''#I have a degree#anyway rant over none of this matters stop perceiving me
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Gosh, listening to beautiful, epic music makes me want to go on an adventure, why can’t I be a resistance member or go on missions and difusiqqowhf
I’ve definitely been away from work too long lol
#random rambles#Me yesterday: man working from home or doing a job where I don’t have people totally reliant on me would be so nice#Me today: UGH WHY DO I NEVER DO ANYTHING I AM A WORTHLESS INSIGNIFICANT SPECK I HAVE MADE NO IMPACT AND AM JUST WASTING MY LIFE—#This is what happens when I have too much time to myself#But GOSH I wanna do flight nursing SO BAD I am SO drained by bedside nursing#sorry y’all haha#Needed to scream for a moment
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i want to study psychology so so bad BUT MY BRAIN WON’T BRAIN PROPERLY
#small vent#rinmiko ramble#i wanted to study psychology since 6th grade#the only reason why i didn’t go into it was and still is because i feel like i’m not smart enough#therefore i stick with art#which to be fair is draining me more and more each day bcs it’s not a hobby anymore but a job
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Hi, sorry if this has been asked before, but do you have any advice or resources you could point me to about being a spoonie or having low energy and practicing divination, like tarot? I've been having a hard time lately energy-wise, and wanted to ask
Hello! I have a couple posts that you may find helpful :)
First of all, this masterpost has all of my spoonie witchcraft posts linked in it:
This post is all about divination:
This one features some divination with limited movement:
Those two are my main posts that have divination in them but I do recommend perusing the masterpost I linked above, there’s a lot of resources there and many of them have contributions from some fabulous blogs!
#mouse squeaks#changelingchild#(also side note for other folks if you’ve sent me an ask that requires more energy than a couple links I’m not sure if you’ll get an answer#I’m working an incredibly draining job 45+ hours a week with 15-20 hours of commuting mixed in there as well. just doing my best#and mostly on tumblr to restock my queue for y’all)
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Absolutely loved the fic. I need a proper blurb of Annie doing Ross' hair
Ahh thank you, my love, I am still not loving it but im glad someone is enjoying it!!
And I am HAPPY to expand on Annie doing Ross’ hair. The amazing @alovesreading mentioned something similar in her tags once, and I always meant to do a blurb on it but completely forgot until now lol
So, as mentioned in the fic, Annie is obsessed with playing hairdresser. it all started when she saw Matty doing his hair before an award show and freaking out.
You and him are together at this point, so he facetimes you and tries to convince you to come over and help him.
“Please baby, I know you can't come to the show tonight, but you aren't even gonna help your poor boyfriend fix his hair for the Brit Awards???” he says with a pout whilst pulling his curls and eyeing the gel on the sink.
Before he can ever really consider it, your voice rings out of the phone, “NO GEL MATTY. I can see you eyeing it already.” he begins to whinge but you cut him off, “You look so pretty with your culrssss” You pout right back at him and see matty’s face immediately crumble, and his cheeks get slightly red. He's still not used to being called pretty by you, he fucking adores it.
You get Annie to hold the phone behind his head and direct her to move certain curls and twist pieces of hair and she loves it, especially when the the end you say “Thank you for your help, Annie! You should be your daddys hairdresser. You do a much better job than me.”
And Annie takes that and RUNS with it.
Matty is a pushover attentive father, so he buys her everything she could possibly want; hair clips, butterfly clips, hair ties with bows and figures on them, headbands, little bows: anything she needs- she has.
So it's inevitable when she comes into the studio next she practically pounces on Ross and his long hair. But to be honest, he was really asking for it by wearing it down when she came in. “ROSS!!! Will you let me play hairdresser??? I want to make your hair pretty!!”
Ross has to try not to read too much into the fact that she didn't think his hair was already pretty.
He has to be gentle when he lets her down, “Ah, Annie im not sure that's a good idea pumpkin i-” he avoids making eye contact for a few seconds but as soon as he looks at her wide eyes and shaky lip he fucking crumbles.
“Oh alright then” he says, and Annie squeals and runs over.
“Mate she got you good,” Matty says, laughing, but Adam quickly shuts him up,
“Didn't she get you to wear your hair bows to Tesco last week?”
“... shut up Hann”
/////
Ross is on the floor, and Annie is standing on the sofa behind him because she's too small to reach his head if she stands on the floor. She begins grabbing all her stuff and putting it on the sofa, and Ross shoots Matty a scared look at the number of things she has. He simply shrugs, smiles, and walks away. Ross is on his own as far as he is concerned.
She pulls pieces of hair back and pins them with glittery butterfly clips, digging them into his head a little too hard and almost denting his skull (not really, but Jesus she’s heavy-handed) She grabs bunches of hair and puts them in small ponytails, each hair bobble has a little decoration on it.
She stands on his lap to look at the front of his hair, and Ross has to hold her steady because he's shaking her by laughing.
“Uncle Ross, stop laughing!! I can't get it right if you move” Annie complains looking at Ross with a grumpy look on her face.
He can't help it, the way her eyes get laser-focused and her tongue slips out the side of her mouth looks exactly the same as when Matty is trying to think of a lyric or play a hard song.
Once he pulls it together, Annie starts putting bows along his hairline along with hairclips and, of course, more butterfly clips.
Peering in from the hallway are Matty, George, and Adam and they are all giggling to themselves at the pair, “oh Ross is trying so hard to be annoyed, but you can tell he loves the attention” George says.
“Obviously, why else would he grow out his hair? He was sick of Matty being the hair guy of the band” Adam laughs at Matty's immediate scrunched face.
“Hey! Im still the hair guy, okay, ross looks like bass-playing Jesus”
“You say that as if bass-playing Jesus isn't a sick idea,” George says, adam nods in agreement, and Matty grumbles.
“Well, im just glad it's not me anymore. I think if y/n found one more clip in my hair whilst she’s pulling on it, she’d dump me”
“... why is she pulling on your hair” Adam innocently asks, forgetting who his friend is for a few seconds.”
Matty immediately smirks, “Well Hann, when you're going down on a girl and it's really good, just before she cums she grabs your hair and-”
“OKAY MATTY YES I GET IT. god why did I even ask-”
//////
Annie finishes 10 minutes later with a flourish, and Ross can't even pretend to be annoyed. He loves nothing more than spending time with Annie. She is everything to him. She feels like his niece or even his own daughter sometimes. He basically raised her in tandem with Matty, so their connection is undeniable.
He hangs out with her whenever he can, always offering to babysit on your date nights or to take her out on fun days. One of his favourite days of his entire life (aside from the day she was born, of course) was when he got to take her to the fair for a day. He bought everything she wanted, and by the end of the day, they were both crashed from the amount of sugar they had eaten.
Annie insisted Ross wore his hair like that for the rest of the studio session, and he did.
Jamie walked in 2 hours later and looked at Ross questioningly but then saw Annie asleep on his lap on the sofa and nodded understandingly.
blurb masterlist
#ross let me do your hair#Annie would do a better job tbh#matty is sick of showering and seeing glitter going down the drain#hes spent a small fortune on hair accessories but how can he say no to his little girls happiness???#anon!#teacher au!
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Congrats on the sucessful enstabbening! Bet you're glad to get all that off your chest (heh).
I assume you can't do too much huge art stuff while waiting to heal up, but I would love to hear about your headcanons for the FSAU cast - be they favourites or just ones that makes you smile. How much of a menace was Raz for Lil and Doges when he went under the knife?
Take care - make sure you stretch appropriately and don't shrimp too hard over the keyboard while waiting to be freed from excercise-jail 💜🖤🤍
at this point i've had the "off your chest" joke four times. and it's just as funny every time lmao
he sure did!
he basically yote himself onto the operating table as soon as he turned 18, haha. he was an absolute nightmare during the recovery, though. it was at the time when Lili took a few years out from the psychonauts to go to college, and he kept calling her like "hey do you think it's okay if i go for a run as long as i don't move my arms too much. i was thinking i could hold them behind me like naruto" "raz you had surgery four days ago"
actually, since you asked about general headcanons, more rambling about that time of their lives under the cut!:
i've talked a little before about how Raz and Lili had a pretty tumultuous relationship during their teens, haha. i think around 17/18, things start to simmer down between them. they're still really close, but stuff's not as volatile, and they come to the decision that they want to take a break for a while. no matter how good friends they are, it can be kind of stifling to still be dating the same person you were when you were ten, y'know?
and like i said, this was also when Lili took a break from the Psychonauts. for me, one of the central anxieties of her character is figuring out who she wants to be outside of the Zanotto family's legacy and the expectations of everyone else. we see in PN1 she has kind of a skeptical view of the Psychonauts as a whole - but at the same time, it's the only world she's ever known. she's been training at the Motherlobe since she was a baby. she's spent her whole life immersed in this world, and i think she has a lot of big questions to ask herself as she enters adulthood: who am I? who do I really want to be?
so she takes a break to go study! i haven't decided exactly what, but i think she does something like a major in biological sciences and a minor in pharmaceuticals. she has a great time, and taking that time out ends up being what she needs to realise that actually she does want to stick with the Psychonauts. she and Raz go on their first mission together, things just click, and the rest is history hahaha
#girls go to college to get more knowledge#boys stay in the same high-stress job they've had since they were ten out of crushing indecision paralysis and a looming identity crisis#(raz later does a part-time undergraduate degree as well though! he has a bachelor's in psychology or something)#ask#and thank you!!!#future superstar agents au#fsau raz#fsau meta#fsau lili#raz and dogen go on a lot of missions together while lili's away#they don't start dating yet though. there's just a lot of ~tension~#honestly. i'm exactly there with you raz LMAO#the pain's basically gone and now i'm boooored. i'm BOOORED let me go exercise!!!#drains come out on thursday though woo woo
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another christopher lee dracula with cats
#i havent drawn all week and you can really tell ;.;#why does my job drain me of all life#doodle#dracula#hammer horror#christopher lee#random#horror#vampire#cats
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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
#rye.txt#growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done#which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment#i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset#i feel guilty if im not constantly working#which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that#trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art#which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water#when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself#but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work#ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys#I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART#and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly#good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well#vent in tags#this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'
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