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streamafterlaughter · 7 months

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Fundamental Differing

Chapter XVIII: I Gave My Life Away

pre warning: tags contain some non specific spoilers

warnings: 18+ MDNI mentions of a suicide attempt, alcoholism, narcotics addiction, depression. Adult content not meant for people under the age of 18. (spoiler for next tag!) Grinding/heavy petting, an inkling of smut. Angst, hurt feelings, heavy subject matter. reminder that this is fiction and i do not condone the actions of my characters! afab!gn!reader, they/them pronouns, rockstar!eddie, use of y/n lol i did not use y/n once!, pet names

a/n: i am… so sorry. that’s all i’ll say for now.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated.

—

January 1991

Eddie’s POV

“Eddie? Eddie!” The voice is familiar, but too far away. He can’t see anything beyond a spinning figure, but he feels the harsh slapping on his face before someone drags him by his armpits into the bathtub. “Cmon, man, please.”

Then there’s water, and it’s cold, and Eddie’s trying to move but he can’t, he can only cough and choke as the shower spray gets into his nose and mouth.

“Oh fuck, thank fucking God.” Then there are footsteps, and Eddie’s hauled out of the bathroom on a stretcher, the frantic voice following closely behind.

Present Day

Eddie’s POV

“Ed, they’re looking for you. Two minutes.”

Eddie nods, waving the security off and turning back to her. “You’re still in Ohio, then?”

“Yeah, seems it. Nothing really goin’ on here, though.”

“Isn’t that kind of a good thing?”

She shrugs, her lips pursed. “Guess so, if it means you’re here.”

Eddie chuckles shyly. “Well, I should get moving, or Steve will have my head.

She nods eagerly, wrapping herself tightly around Eddie’s torso, causing him to shift uncomfortably. He hasn’t seen her since before, and he realizes now he’s not that person anymore. It causes his heart to skip with anxious energy.

“See ya.” She sends him a wink, and he waves as she turns on her heel to venture back into the crowd.

The security guard is still there, humming the chorus to Under The Bridge as it plays out of the house speakers, leaning against the wall as he waits for Eddie to finish with the pretty, dainty girl he’s with, and Eddie returns to him like a scolded child. “Alright, let’s go.”

“That your girl?” He asks, making small talk with the rockstar he has likely no interest in.

Eddie shakes his head. “God, no. A friend, maybe. Not even that much, not anymore.”

“Guy like you doesn’t need to dwell on that, man. Sure you got plenty of ladies lined up for a chance with you.”

He snorts, amused by this guy’s casualty. “You’d be surprised.”

The guard escorts Eddie all the way to the stage, where Steve is seething and huffing about, arms crossed tightly over his chest. “Sorry, sorry. Ran into someone.”

Steve’s expression softens slightly at the mention. “Was it-“

“Yeah. But it’s fine, really. Civil, even.”

“Right. In that case, I’m still mad at you,”

“Sure, of course. Can we hold off on my discipline until after the show?”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply as if to prevent himself from taking a swing at Eddie. “Fine. Go.”

Eddie bows his head to thank him, and takes his place next to his bandmates, who’d been left waiting restlessly for their frontman, again. “Hey-“

“Shut up.” Jeff silences him. “Don’t wanna hear it.” And it’s fair. They shouldn’t have to listen to his excuses. He’s supposed to be working on himself, and all he’s managed to do is piss off the people that matter to him most. The house lights dim, and Eddie watches as the crowd grow feral, shoving toward the stage, shaking the metal barricades standing between them and the stage. His heart thumps in his ears, in time with the crowd’s eager chants of “COFFIN, COFFIN,” a command he’s inclined to obey. It drags him forward, led by his band onto the stage to present themselves to a mass of people that want to tear them apart.

The stage lights up with the first chord, and Eddie hears the audience beyond his monitor. He looks back to Gareth, who’s awestruck at the noise, then to Jeff who holds his hand over his chest, genuinely thanking these people for coming. Eddie wants to feel it, too. The warmth these people seem to offer his friends, but he’s somewhere else. He can’t get used to it, like he’s wearing shoes half a size too small. It makes him shift uncomfortably inside his skin, constantly feeling the eyes of thousands on him, relying on him, there for him. It’s then that he realizes he’s sober on stage, for the first time in five years.

He’d stuck to his word, now twenty four hours without consuming a drop of alcohol. He feels his chest tighten, like a hand made of knives has broken open his ribcage to squeeze his heart until it pops. His lungs will fill with his own blood and he’ll choke, he watches as it flashes before him, a panic stricken fantasy but Eddie wouldn’t say unrealistic.

His friends are looking at him. The crowd is calming with their increased confusion; a late start and now a strange, empty pause. He has to fill it. He can’t find you, and he’s taking too long, and it’s starting to confuse his band, so he shouts into the blackness “HELLO, COLUMBUS!” and the room combusts with the release of tension. “I am so sorry we’re late. Thank you for waiting. Let’s burn this fucking place down.” Gareth hits his sticks together, both a warning and a courtesy that there’s no stopping now, and Eddie rides the momentum. He nails every incoming note without thought, and he can feel the vibrations through the building, both of the music and the crowd. He gets the same rush he used to, when he was wide eyed and bushy tailed, younger and in love with the life of a rockstar. For a second, he feels it again, in the same place he’d felt the least alive at this time two years ago.

Your POV

“What the hell!” You stomp up to Steve, screaming over the noise of the stage into his face. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Steve only smirks. “How does it feel, huh? To not have a fucking clue what’s going on? He’ll tell you. I can’t-“

“Blah!” You throw your hands into the air, “I get it, you can’t tell me. Just… who’s the girl?”

Steve’s smile only grows. “Are you jealous?”

You groan, more from exhaustion than embarrassment. “Of course I’m fucking jealous, Steve! Don’t play dumb! Please, don’t make me feel stupid.”

His face falls, and he grabs you by the shoulders, jolting you into focus. “You have nothing to worry about. That I do know.”

It’s not enough, but it’s all you’re gonna get. You can’t help but respect it, the commitment to keeping Eddie’s business to himself. Truth be told, Steve is probably dying to tell you. “It’s that big, huh?” He nods sadly, and you mirror him in understanding. “But he’s going to tell you. He’s gonna tell you everything, and it’s gonna be a lot to digest. So I’ll be here when he tells you.”

“Steve, you’re scaring me.”

He nods. “That’s my intention. You might not get the answers you want, but you’ll get answers.”

You watch the tail end of their set with your brain going in circles. What could Steve possibly mean, the answers you don't want? What answers do you want? Who’s the girl, for starters. But mostly, what happened, in the two years without contact? What made you so angry? You can’t imagine an answer heavy enough to break you, not off the top of your head. Whatever it is, you want it. Even if it’s just to understand Eddie a little more. Even if it means he can’t be with you. Even if it means you have to let him go.

“Thank you!” Eddie shouts after the final note of a song you couldn’t name. “Thanks for comin’ out, Columbus!” The crowd shrieks, ratting your brain inside your head. “And give it up again for DEATH DANCE APPROXIMATELY!” The crowd politely continues cheering, and a small girl next to you sends you a bright smile. “So, so grateful to have them on this whole tour with us, you have no idea.” Eddie laughs bashfully, out of character for him to do while on stage. It’s a small thing, something you shouldn’t have noticed, but of course you did. He’s nervous. You squint, as if it will help you read him better, and it doesn’t. “This is our last song, I wanna hear you all. Loud as you can, alright?” The crowd whoops, and Corroded Coffin start in on Sweetheart, and you almost choke on your tears immediately.

Eddie has always said the closing song is the most important. It’s the one freshest in their mind, the one that will stick with them the most. It has to be perfect. He’d never used Sweetheart as the closer, and it’s obvious Gareth and Jeff weren’t ready for it, probably assuming Eddie skipped it reading the setlist. Eddie’s voice shakes slightly as he sings, but it’s perfect. His eyes stay closed the whole time, and you desperately wish he’d open them, find you in the wings, and sing the words to you again. Like he had, any time you’d asked him to just because you could. You sing along, lose yourself in the lyrics for the first time in years, actually hearing the words meant for you.

And then it’s over, and they’re thanking the crowd and bowing, and walking off stage, and even though you know you’re gonna see it all again night after night, even though you have seen it tens of times already, you miss it. The feeling of a shrieking crowd feeling all of their feelings while you feel yours. The feelings you hope you can give to your own audience. You feel like a teenager seeing their favorite band for the first time, and you’d forgotten how good that felt.

Robin seems to appear from thin air next to you. “Hey!” She semi-shouts over the bustling crowd. “Are you crying?” It’s a question you should absolutely be used to by now. You hadn’t noticed this time, though. “Oh!” You sniff, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Yeah, guess I was. Not sad, though.” Not necessarily true, but for now a nonissue.

“We’re all goin’ out tonight.”

You shake your head. “I’ll catch up.” She frowns at you. “It’s okay! I’ll tell you everything I can after.”

The possibility of a gossip session soothes her curiosity, and she squeezes your arm before continuing to wiggle through the crowd. You follow her backstage, into the massive dressing area backstage, where Eddie sits with his bandmates in a circle of metal fold out chairs, each of them holding a beer. Besides Eddie, who fiddles with the label of his water bottle.

“Right!” Jeff pats Eddie’s knee as he speaks, “We’re goin’ out. celebrating our biggest show to date.”

It’s then that Eddie lifts his eyes and catches you staring. You don’t bother averting yours to the floor, already having been caught red handed. “Do you guys mind if I sit this one out? I uh, have a prior engagement.” The girl, you’re sure. The girl you have nothing to worry about, the girl Eddie knows in the nowhere state of Ohio. You chew on the inside of your lip until you draw blood, anxious and suddenly unsure of everything Steve had tried to warn you about.

“Yeah, man, of course. Come out if you change your mind, though.” With that, Gareth and Jeff exit the room, and your friends follow suit soon after, leaving you and Eddie alone.

Eddie’s POV

Now, I have to do it right now. “Hey,”

You face him, eyes wide with questions he so desperately wants to answer for you. Your hands are clasped tightly together, your knuckles white and arms flexed, jaw clenched. “You wanna get some coffee?”

Your nod is vigorous, and he holds his elbow out for you. You quickly latch onto him, and Eddie feels just how anxious you must be. He can’t imagine where your head’s at, with your nightmares and your constant, irritating habit of caring about him so much. He’s exhausting you, and all he wants now is to let you rest.

Eddie asks a remaining staff member to escort the two of you out the back way, and into the warmth of the summer night. “Is there even somewhere that sells coffee around here? Let alone somewhere that’s open?” You joke, and he chuckles.

“I guess I didn’t think that far ahead. Ah!” He points down the road, to the glowing 7-Eleven sign. “Onward!” You laugh, and it floods through Eddie, like it’s drenching his head in ice water, refreshing him. He’s since dropped his arm, but yours stays locked around him, like if you let go he’d run away. As if he’d ever think to do such a thing.

He breaks the thick silence finally, after several minutes of walking through it. “You uh, said you wanted to talk?”

You look up at him. “I did?”

“Yeah, uh, this morning? We didn’t really get the chance.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah I guess so. I just,” You shake your head, frustrated, “I have questions.”

“Okay,” Eddie shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. He wants to give you the answers. Finally, he wants to be completely open with you.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, shoot. I’ll answer your questions.”

“Any of them?”

“All of ‘em, sweetheart.” He can’t help it, he loves watching you shy away at the nickname, cute and soft, under all that armor.

Your POV

“Okay…” You have to be careful. One wrong move, and he’s shutting you out again. “Where’d you go tonight?” A subtle way to ask it, you think. Not accusatory, just curious, bordering on nosey.

“I ran into an old friend. From group.” You snap your neck, catching the words he says so casually.

“Group?”

Eddie nods, “NA-slash-AA.”

This is nowhere near where you thought this conversation would go. Every question you’d had crumbles at his answer. “What?”

“I’m more of a casual attendee, lately.” You feel your head fill up with more questions, and you’re drowning. “When did you-“ You’re expecting him to cut you off, but he waits. “When did you start going to meetings?”

Eddie looks to the sky as if to find the answer in the blackness above. “Early into 1991. There was still snow on the ground.”

“What um,” You’re walking the tightrope here, and you heed Steve’s warning. “What made you decide to go?”

Eddie looks at you again, his expression sad. “Had a really, really bad night.”

“What happened?” You ask, too quickly. It’s not fair, and you don’t have any right to know the answer, but Eddie snorts a laugh, like this news isn’t breaking your heart to learn. “Steve saved my life. I’m surprised he hasn’t divulged this story to you, even with the fact that I begged him not to tell anyone. Took me years to even tell the guys. I had gotten so bad, I didn’t care what happened to me. I was drinking myself to sleep every night, wallowing in self pity, barely able to function. I was worse than any time before. Worse than I was when you’d called me that night.”

“What night?”

“You were drunk, you probably don’t remember. Sometime in September of the year before, I’d been up all night trying, and you called me at home.” The memory comes back in a tidal wave. You’d just finished recording your EP, your first cohesive body of work, and with it had been signed to Sub Pop. Things had been looking up for you after cutting things off with him in July, but somewhere far away, Eddie had been drowning.

Before you can say anything, he continues, “Anyway, we were on a kind of hiatus as a band, had been for about a year at this point. I had nothing to get me out of bed before three in the afternoon, nothing to distract me from my pity party. I went out every night, drank until I couldn’t see, and did lines in the bathroom with people I didn’t care to know. I probably slept with six or seven different people a week, sometimes more. I couldn’t stop, because then I’d have to feel my feelings, and I was so afraid of them. One time,” He has the gall to chuckle, “after I got kicked out of a bar in New York for trying to fight the bouncer, I was so wasted and beaten that I fell asleep in my front yard with my pants around my ankles. Really glad I don’t have neighbors.”

It all pours out so easily now, like he’s telling you about his trip to the grocery store. “I uh, only got worse after that.” He stops, and you look up at him, waiting with wide, stinging eyes. “You sure you want me to keep going?” You nod. You don’t want to know, but you have to. As much as you suspect it’s gonna hurt, it means something that he’s finally willing to tell you.

He pushes forward. “On New Year's Eve of ‘91, I mixed whiskey and Steve’s Xanax. Way too much of it. Harrington found me passed out in the bathroom of my hotel room at around 1AM and called an ambulance. I'd written a note and everything.”

He pauses again to let you digest it all, and the silence sends a piercing ring through your ears. The words coming out of his mouth feel so far away, disconnected from the mouth they’re coming from. You’d never known Eddie to give up. Nothing had stopped him before; from finishing high school, from getting out of Hawkins, from being a rockstar. Regardless of how angry, or frustrated, or beaten he'd gotten, Eddie had always bounced back.

He finally pulls you from your thoughts. “That was the worst of it, but it had been a long time coming. When we were,” He gestured lamely to the air, “seeing each other, I was usually either on a run or coming down. I didn’t hide it well, I was almost sure you’d known, or at least suspected something. I was so angry and twitchy all the time. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t bring you into it, though. I never wanted you to know, and in a lot of ways I still don’t. Actually, please tell me you don’t wanna know. I’ll shut right the fuck up.”

“Nice try, but you underestimate how nosey I am.” He laughs, and you smile despite it all. “When did you start, I guess doing coke?” He doesn’t think about it for long. “Ironically, New Year’s Eve 1990 was the first time. I was a pro at it by May. I'd been drinking heavily for years by then, guess I wanted to jazz it up to ring in the new decade.” He stops walking and pivots to look at you, suddenly eager, and in no way aware of how jarring what he’d just said was. “Do you remember when I would get nosebleeds all the time, or when I’d sneeze and there’d be a giant snot bubble?” You nod, your face contorting with disgust at the memories. You remember a specific time, when you’d been making out with him in his hotel room in Boston, and his nose had just started dripping blood onto your bare chest. He’d gotten so pissed off at himself he’s left without putting his shirt or shoes back on. “Yeah, that had nothing to do with the humidity. Deep down, I think you knew that.”

He’s right, but you can still feel the crack in your heart spiderweb and spread as you hear these suspicions about Eddie confirmed.

“When was the last time?”

“The first or second night of the tour, I think.”

“Are you still drinking?” Dustin’s question makes more sense to you now. You wonder how he’d found out.

Eddie hesitates, as if fighting himself on whether to answer truthfully. “I didn’t today. It’s the first full day I’ve gone in a while. Touring is always difficult, and I’m sure you understand why this time is uh, particularly stressful.”

“Because of me.” Obviously.

“Because I know how badly I’ve hurt you, and because I know I haven’t made it up to you yet. I haven't earned your trust or even your time by any means, and I hate that you’re seeing me like this when you should be enjoying your first full US tour.” He chokes the last words out. You’ve stopped walking again, waiting at a deserted intersection, not yet ready to cross. “I’ve been fucking up recently, which is why I haven’t said anything. It’s not because I don’t want you. I want you so, so much. I just can’t do it yet.”

“Eddie,” You reach for him, and he lets you. You hold his face in your hands, feeling his flushed cheeks warm your palms as you look at him under the streetlights. “You don’t earn things like help and support, Eddie, not from people that-“ You pause. Not now, it’s not fair. “People that care about you. Thank you for telling me, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling; surrounded by triggers at all times, having to see me so much. I never would have agreed to the tour if I’d known—,“

He cuts you off, shaking his head, wafting the scent of his shampoo at you. “Don’t do that, please. This is not your fault, this is my own undoing. You are exempt from blame here.”

“I wish I’d known you were struggling. I wish I could have helped.”

Eddie traps your hands with his own on his face. “I know. I do, too.”

A sob shoves its way through your lips, and you can’t rebuild the dam fast enough. You’re crying, ugly sobbing with snot and mascara painting your face into a sad clown. It may be a cry of relief, having finally understood where your love had gone, so to speak, and seeing a glimpse of him right now. A version of Eddie happy, warm. He smiles at you, a big, beautiful smile, but his eyes are so sad. “I wish I had known to ask. Would have saved us both so much trouble.” Eddie drops his hands to your waist and pulls you closer to him, your coffee quest long forgotten. “I am so sorry.”

“Thank you.” You do not fight it, because there’s so much for him to be sorry for, regardless of if you want the apology. You trust that he means it. “I won’t push you for anything else. But I need you to ask for help, when you need it. I'm not gonna turn you away.” You wrap your arms around his torso, as physical proof of your words. You feel his arms as they surround your head, and he pulls you further into his chest. His breathing deep and even, heart beating soundly, you let yourself inhale him, indulge in his closeness even for a second. You eventually start to pull away, but he catches you, and you crane your head up to look at him, your nose inches away from his. Eddie’s eyes flick to your lips. It’s a fraction of a second, but you notice because you always do. You mimic him, flicking your eyes over his soft, pink lips and back to his deep, sweet brown eyes.

He moves first, but you’re quick to follow, and Eddie catches your lips with his, and you fight the urge to once again burst into tears. The kiss is one you haven’t felt in so long, like sleeping in your own bed after months being crammed inside a van or a two star motel. It’s a deep, yearning type of kiss you hadn’t known you were missing. Eddie moves a hand to cradle your head, like he’s holding the most valuable thing in the world. He’s gentle, almost timid, like the wrong move will ruin everything, break you both into pieces you won’t be able to fit back together. His lips are so soft, with no aggression or anxiety behind them, no nervous, frantic energy like he needs to consume you before you disappear. He takes his time, and you swim in the calm of it all. You rest your hand on his jaw, your finger lightly brushing his ear, the other stuck with your palm against his chest, squished between your bodies.

The last time Eddie kissed you like this was the day before he almost died. Before he cut that stupid sheet rope and tried to be a hero, he’d held you like you were the only thing on earth worth dying for. This time, though, there’s no rush, no impending doom to cut it short. You wonder if you’re pushing it, if this is too much for him, because it’s almost too much for you.

You pull away for a second. “Is this allowed?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “I think I know what you’re asking, but what do you mean?”

“Like, while you’re recovering. Shouldn’t you be more focused on that?”

Eddie shrugs. “Probably. And I will be. But I’m sober right now, at least, and all I can think about is you. And now you know everything, and you still kiss me like I’ve always been worthy of it. Even when I’m still not.”

“Do I really know everything now?” You lace your fingers through his and resume your walk.

He looks at you. “Do you have more questions?”

You have so many, but you’re so tired, so emotionally drained. “What do you think about, when you think about me?”

Eddie snorts a laugh at your question and you hide your face in your free hand. “Nothing good. You’re under my skin, doll. Always have been. Hey, look at that,” you look to where he’s pointing, the bright lights of the 7-Eleven store. “I’m kinda over coffee. You wanna watch a movie? For old time’s sake?” You nod wordlessly as your heart skips about, and he opens the door for you so you can grab some snacks instead.

Another hotel room, with boring white walls and bright white bed sheets. Eddie’s suitcases already sit in the corner, placed there by the hotel staff, complimentary mints on the pillows. Eddie flicks the bedside lamps on before fiddling with the remote, and you immediately realize, you’re once again without your own clothes. “Could I borrow-“ Eddie throws a shirt that lands perfectly draped over your face and you’re overwhelmed with his scent. “Thanks.” You deadpan, removing the fabric. He’s tossed a pair of his shorts onto the bed in front of you as well, and you’re silently grateful, because you wouldn’t have asked for them. He quickly flings his shirt off his head, and you watch as he swaps his jeans for a pair of worn flannel pajama pants.

Eddie then clicks the TV on, searching the channels aimlessly for something to watch before quickly giving up, muting it on a late night talk show. “How are you doing?” He’s already sprawled on the bed, resting his head in his hand to look at you, still in your clothes.

“I’m just digesting, I guess.” You face away from him to pull your sweat soaked shirt over your head and toss it on the floor, feeling his eyes on your bare back. You never wear a bra onstage, but you’re regretting it now. You yank Eddie’s shirt over your head to hide your butt as you yank your tights down, suddenly very aware of the color of your panties: red, and far too lacy for these circumstances. You yank Eddie’s boxers up your legs, and feel decent enough to face him again.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” He blurts as you slide into the space next to him, on top of the covers still.

“What do you mean?”

“After dark, sharing a bed, sharing my clothes,” He gestures to you, dressed head to toe in Eddie Couture. “Someone might see us. People are gonna start getting suspicious.”

“You think they’re not already?” You shift to lay on your side, now looking at him straight on. “We aren’t exactly being discrete as of late.”

He gives you a half shrug. “Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?”

“The fans, making assumptions.”

You think about your choice of words. “I thought it would. I think it bothered me more that they weren’t right.”

Eddie cracks a goofy smile, and you swat at him uselessly. “You want to be having a steamy secret affair with the douchebag frontman of Corroded Coffin?” He teases, poking at you.

“Oh, shut up.” There’s no malice in your voice. “You know what I mean. They have it all figured out. We’re together, in love, not ready to share it with the world or whatever. Much less complicated than whatever it is we’re actually doing.”

Eddie considers this for a moment. “Guess that’s true. I don’t think I could explain any of what we’re doing to Steve, let alone the public.”

You sigh. Poor, ignorant Steve. There’s only so much you’d be able to tell him for sure. “He’d have a heart attack.”

“I’ve already spooked him enough for a whole lifetime, I can’t drop this bomb on him too.”

“Let’s not worry about that. We don’t even know what we’re doing.”

“I just know I wanna keep doing it.” The way he says it sends you reeling instantly, drawing you into him, closing the distance between his lips and yours. You melt into him, wrapping your leg around his waist as he grips the flesh of your hip. Your hand slides effortlessly into his hair, tangling around your fingers, pulling a moan from Eddie’s throat as you tug him further into you. You can feel his gentry twitch in his pants, only a few thin layers of fabric separating him from your core. You roll your hips against him, sighing as his tip bumps against your clit, desperate for friction.

Eddie moves, latching his lips onto your throat causing your brain to fog. Your chest heaves as he nips at your skin, marking you, making your head swim with pleasure. You feel his fingers toying with the hem of his t-shirt, his calloused fingers sliding under the fabric to caress your skin, sending chills up and down your whole body. You shiver, and he pulls away. “Wanna stop?”

“Shouldn’t we?”

“That’s not what I asked.”

So you kiss him again, hungrier now. You help him yank his shirt over your head, abandoning it on the floor next to yours. Eddie shifts again, pressing your bare chest against his before breaking the kiss suddenly. “May I, uh,” He stutters like he’s a nervous teenager again, as if he’s seeing his first pair of boobs ever.

“Please.” You sigh, and it propels Eddie on, shifting down the bed until he’s eye level with your chest.

“God, I missed you.” He rasps, and you don’t have time to ask if he’s talking to you or your tits before he runs his tongue over your nipple, pulling a whine from your throat. You feel his other hand slide down your torso, freezing when it reaches the waistband of his boxers. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you let me take care of you?”

—

chapter XIX

haha hehe hahahahah ha ha. ha

tag list: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills @littlepotatobeansworld @poisonedluv @kellsck @m-chmcl-rmnc

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chloecherrysip · 1 year

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Just Beyond My Reach, There's Someone Reaching Back For Me (speculative mario movie fic, mario & luigi centric, around 3600 words.)

[OK SO i literally could not stop thinking about this post in the mario movie tag from last week, which turned into me trying to write out my thoughts about how the scenario could unfold, which then turned into me writing a full-fledged fanfic that's over 3,000 words long??? I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I've truly lost my common sense, but I just felt like I HAD to get this out before the movie arrives and their reunion is nothing like this in any way whatsoever.

This is a speculative fic of just one possible scenario out of millions, no actual spoilers; i'm working off info we've seen in the trailers/TV spots/promotions/etc, and all the characterization is based off those too, so it might ultimately be off-base. Please don't @ me after the movie comes out and get on my case about details being wrong! I AM IN THE PAST (and jealous of you in the future for having already seen it).

I present to you: A Version Of Mario & Luigi's Reunion in the Mario Movie That Would Cause Me Irreparable Psychic Damage.]

----

Mario hears him first. He would know that panicked yelp anywhere.

By that point, he’s lost count of how many of Bowser’s minions he’s tried to interrogate as he fights his way through the airship. There’s so much shouting and clanging all around him, and his voice hurts from yelling loud enough to be heard over it, but he can’t stop. “Where do you keep prisoners? Have you seen someone who looks like me — but tall, skinny, and green? If you take me to him, I’ll go easy on ya, I swear—”

it’s hard to tell if they’re just refusing to answer him, genuinely don’t know any useful information, or can’t actually communicate in a way he understands — probably some in each column. But he’s about to grab another angry Koopa by the shell and try again when there’s a commotion far off in the distance. The yell that echoes out to him is faint, but it tugs hard at Mario like a rope tied around his middle. Something from his memories, the nightmares he’s been having this whole adventure that he hasn’t told Peach and Toad about. Something instantly, certainly familiar to him in a way that few things are.

His heart is suddenly lodged in his throat. He barrels his way past the troops and the Kongs fighting them, moving fast towards it.

The area of the airship he’s in starts to slope down further ahead, surrounding a huge open space that, judging by the flickering embers in the air and heavy heat that’s got him sweating through his shirt already, has a whole bunch of lava simmering at the bottom. On the other side of the chasm, there are a whole group of what look like angry blue penguins beating down some feisty stacks of Goombas with their bare flippers. There’s also what impossibly looks like a star, with a face and everything, beaming bright and doing twirling cartwheels in the air, giggling at the carnage underneath. And behind all that, he can see—

Mario reacts without having to think. He jolts forward against the railing, reaches a hand out, and yells as loud as he can. “LUIGI!”

He can only see glimpses of his overalls and green hat at first amidst all the other chaos, but then pieces of the ongoing fight tumble further to either side, giving a clear view. Mario watches wide-eyed as his brother frantically swats away Goombas, shrieking and flailing his arm furiously when one snags some teeth through his sleeve until it comes loose. He looks terrified and a little queasy, but also very determined, even jumping in to help when one of the penguins gets pinned down. They seem to be working together.

Luigi is here. He’s really here, alive and fighting and still in one piece. Mario isn’t too late. It feels like a 20 pound weight’s suddenly gone from his back that he hadn't even realized he was carrying around.

His yell is half-drowned out by the chaos, but Luigi’s head still snaps up, eyes wide and stricken and bright with recognition. “Mario?” He cries out, his voice cracking badly. He kicks another Goomba away and then starts spinning, searching the surrounding area with increasing desperation. “Mario!?”

“Over here!” Mario wishes he had another raccoon powerup so he could just fly across the gap and reach him right then and there. He has to settle for taking off his cap and waving it in the air like a flag. “Luigi! Over here!”

Finally, their eyes meet across the gorge. It’s not necessary at that point, but Luigi still tears off his own hat and starts flailing it around too overhead, as if just to make absolutely sure his brother knows where he is. “MARIO!” He shouts, his tired face instantly transforming into a relieved, overjoyed smile.

“Are you okay!?”

“Y-Yeah! I mean, define “okay,” but I, I'm not hurt or anything like — wait, how did you get here!? We’re way up in the air!”

Mario’s face already hurts from how wide he’s grinning. “Not anymore! And whaddya mean? What do ya think I’ve been doing all this time? Looking for you! You don’t think I could find you wherever you are, even if it’s a million miles in the air? Give your big bro some credit, eh?”

A laugh bursts out of Luigi, surprised and shaky. Mario has missed that sound so much. “Right, right. I did think…I mean, I hoped, or…” His brother shakes his head, his voice failing him. He lets out a deep breath, so deep that it’s almost like he’s been holding it in ever since they were separated, still smiling like the sun. “I knew you would. Mario, you — look out!”

Mario turns just as a hammer goes whizzing past his ear, tumbling down into the lava pit. He dodges the next one more capably and then catches the third one that comes his way. In one smooth, lightning-quick motion, he throws it back at the attacking Hammer Bro, nailing him in the face and knocking him out cold.

“Whoa!” He turns back to see Luigi staring with his mouth agape. “When did you learn how to do that?”

“It's kinda a long story!” There will be plenty of time to get into all the details about his adventure when he’s gotten Luigi safely out of an active warzone. “What about you? I thought you were a prisoner here!”

“I am! Or I was, I guess! We — me, and the penguins, and Lumalee,” he gestures wearily up overhead, where the blue star-thing is idly playing with a pinwheel that it somehow conjured out of thin air, “and the others — we broke out! We, ah, we’ve been trying to find a way outta here ever since, but this place is a maze and we need some kind of hot air balloon or one of those floating clown-car thingies to even get away in the first place, and—”

“Spinies at four o’clock!” One of the penguins shouts, at the same time that Mario yells “Luigi, on your left!”

Luigi jolts at the sight of the three spiky, spinning shells approaching fast. He jumps high enough to leapfrog right over them all, causing them to ricochet off the wall unexpectedly and careen off the side straight into the deep pit.

“Nice, Weegie!” Mario cheers. “You always were the better jumper.”

“Keep your head in the fight, soldier!” One specific penguin calls out to Luigi. He’s wearing a very fancy gold crown — probably their king? “We’re not done here yet!”

“I know, I know, but look!” Luigi gestures excitedly across the chasm. “My brother’s here! He made it!”

“Good show! If he’s as brave as you said, he can help us beat back these dastardly troops once and for all! We’ll all see the light of day again soon!”

The rest of the penguins cheer, thrusting their flippers victoriously into the air, and then let out a wave of new, guttural battle cries. The Penguin King smiles over at Mario and salutes him before rejoining the fray. There are more of Bowser’s minions crowding the walkways on both sides, Mario realizes with a newfound wave of worry. He needs to get to Luigi now.

“Stay right there!” He calls, starting to run alongside the railing. “Don’t move! I’m coming!”

“Are you kidding!? Wait!” Luigi starts running too, mirroring Mario. “I can meet you faster this way!”

Mario laughs. “If you can keep up with me!”

“You’re on!”

The road ahead of him is pure chaos, filled with attacking enemies and whooping Kongs and weapons flying every which way, but Mario runs. He runs until his heart burns, dodging and weaving, almost tripping here and there because he can’t stop looking over the gap to make sure Luigi’s still there on the other side, stumbling his way through his own gauntlet. The two areas are winding closer together, slowly but surely. They must meet somewhere. He’ll find it. He has to.

“Hey, Luigi!” He yells, breathless and happy. “Remember when we were fixing Mrs. McGrady’s sink a couple weeks ago and talking about the future? Did you imagine it’d be anything like this?”

“Whaddya think!?” Luigi shouts back jokingly. “I-I mean, I imagined people being mad at us, but those were customers. There was definitely a lot less lava, and magic, and crazy green pipes that send you to places from your literal nightmares!” He laughs, which swiftly turns into a yelp when he has to dodge away from a red Koopa. The next words come out thicker, almost strained. “Mario, you, you’re really here, you — I missed you, I…”

Even with the distance and the distracting noise and the heavy breathing, Mario can hear the familiar tearing in his brother’s voice, and it pushes him to run faster. Luigi is so much braver than many people in their life have given him credit for, but he has a breaking point, and Mario can recognize it like the back of his own hand. Heck, he could use a good cry right about now too. They're so close. Just a little further.

He’s never been the biggest hugger — that title belongs squarely to Luigi, who always holds on a little too long, especially when Mario protests, swinging him up into the air until Mario has to grab him in a headlock and wrestle him down, both of them laughing by then — but he genuinely doesn’t know how he’s ever going to let go of his brother again once he’s within arm’s reach.

“I missed you too! Every day!” He calls out, and if his voice cracks, well, that’s okay. “Hold on! It’s gotta be just up ahead!” There’s a solid wall coming up where they won’t be able to see each other across the way any longer, but the sharp curve of it looks extremely promising. “I’ll meet you on the other side!”

“Okay!”

The wall comes between them. Mario's finally in the clear, having left all the attackers in the dust. His legs and chest hurt, but it doesn’t matter. He's about to get his brother back. He feels invincible, unstoppable.

“I told you, bro!” He can’t hear Luigi at all any longer, but he shouts anyway, hoping the words reach him. “Even if it didn’t turn out like we thought, it’s all gonna be okay! This is crazy stuff, but as long as we're—”

Mario turns the corner and skids to a sharp stop. The words die in his throat, turning to ash.

Bowser is in front of him.

The King of the Koopas nearly fills the entire space wall-to-wall, hulking and monstrous, even bigger than what Mario imagined. He breathes out an angry, deep growl that prickles at Mario’s skin, star-bright embers scattering in the air, the smell of burning getting stronger and stronger. But none of that is what Mario is focusing on. He’s frozen in place at the sight of Luigi, wriggling in one of Bowser’s gripped hands. A thick, scaly finger is coiled tight over his brother’s mouth too, keeping him from making any noise besides a variety of muffled, panicked sounds.

“Thought you didn’t know him, Greenie,” Bowser says in a low voice to Luigi. “Wasn’t that what you said? Boy, you wouldn’t like what I usually do to liars. It involves fire — a lot of it.” His rows of sharp teeth part, just enough for a big exhale, tinged with molten heat. Luigi cringes, turning his head away as far as he can manage. He’s trembling. “But lucky for you, turns out you’re not entirely useless.”

It takes a moment for Mario to come back into his body, remember how to move and think. But slowly, his hands ball into fists. A voice erupts out of him that barely sounds like his own, grave and angry, angrier than he’s ever been in his life.

“I’m only gonna say this once, ya overgrown turtle,” he says, shifting his footing into a fighting stance. “Let my brother go now.”

Bowser looks down at him with a derisive sort of amusement for a long moment before laughing outright. "Give me a break, shortie! You’re even punier in person — 50 of you couldn't stop me. But that hasn’t stopped you from trying, has it? You and your little friends — your pathetic excuse for an “army,” if that’s what you want to call it. But that all ends now.”

As if on cue, Mario hears DK and a few other Kongs turn the corner, whooping and hollering, only to pause too at the sight of Bowser. “Let’s get ‘em! He can't take us all at once!” Someone says, and there’s a rush of new movement behind Mario. Bowser turns Luigi in his hand, holding him out a little closer to Mario with a shake of the wrist — a taunt. One of his claws pulls up just a little from the rest, the sharp tip arched and pressed lightly to his brother’s neck. The implication is clear.

“Stop!” Mario shouts, half-strangled. He must sound serious enough that DK yells “hang on, hang on!” to his brethren, grabbing them with both arms and holding them back from attacking. On Bowser's other side, Mario can see the penguins watching what’s unfolding too with wide eyes. Even all the minions in the area have gone still, weapons lowered, waiting to see what Bowser does before making their next move. The space is suddenly quiet.

The claw finally relaxes again. Luigi’s eyes are very wide, and there are tears on his face as he stares at Mario. He tries to say something, the sound of it hopelessly muffled against Bowser’s hand — an apology, or a plea, or simply Mario’s name.

Mario is shaking. He grits his teeth hard, desperately tries to hold himself steady again. He hopes Bowser can’t see it — but there’s a gleam in the King’s eyes, and it couldn’t be any clearer that he does.

“Do you know how long I worked on this plan?” Bowser says, his tone softer, more thoughtful all of a sudden. “Orchestrating these invasions, gathering forces far and wide to serve me, taking the almighty power star for myself. I’ve wanted this for years!” His wide mouth curves up, plainly wicked and self-satisfied. “And now here I am, about to rule the world like I deserve, and a couple of useless, pipsqueak plumbers from who-knows-where think they’re just gonna waltz right in and ruin it for me.” Bowser chuckles to himself. It’s a dangerous, sharp-edged sound, echoing on and on. “Ain’t that a laugh, Mario?”

Mario doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even know if he’s breathing any longer. All he can do is glare.

Bowser shrugs. The large fingers on his occupied hand flex ever so slightly, a slow, malicious ripple of movement, all the scales glinting in a wave. “You’re less fun than I thought you’d be,” he says gruffly. "What does the princess even see in you? A tiny little killjoy who loves ruining things for others. Guess it’s only fair I ruin something of yours to make us even."

There’s no further warning or fanfare. In one brutal motion, Bowser crushes his grip tighter around Luigi. His brother’s mouth is still covered, but the way he cries out is starkly, unmistakably pained.

Mario’s vision floods with red. Something inside of him, the patient, careful part that was still desperately clinging to one last scrap of self-control, snaps cleanly in two. He runs at Bowser full-speed, fist cocked back, teeth bared.

“I said LET HIM GO!”

He doesn’t make it there. Bowser, grinning outright, moves so much faster than Mario would have ever guessed he could. He spins, and his tail comes out of nowhere. The impact is like an oncoming train, catapulting Mario into the nearby wall with a sickening crack.

There’s a horrible ringing sound in his ears. His head hurts. He hears Bowser laugh, followed by a roar and a burst of fire breath, awful-smelling and close enough to singe. There’s a lot of shouting, and panic, and thunderous footsteps, moving in a hurry. He can’t think any longer. Why can’t he think? All that comes to mind is—

(They’re fifteen, hiding in their bedroom with some smuggled bandages and antibiotics from the medicine cabinet because if their mom finds out Mario punched out a kid behind the school, she will LITERALLY murder him. Luigi wraps each bruised knuckle carefully as Mario winces and complains about the stinging ointment. His brother looks angrier than he’s ever seen him before, though, and that makes him quiet again in a hurry.)

“You want him so bad?” Bowser is much further away, his voice a distant rumble over the flickering flames. Get up, Mario tells himself. He’s gasping, struggling to push himself back up with useless, trembling hands. His legs feel numb. Get up! “Then come and get ‘em already!”

(“You never stop and THINK first, y’know?” Luigi shakes his head, badly trying to hide the tears budding under his eyes. “And now you’re hurt, and it’s all my fault, and — and I don’t need you to do stuff like that for me! I can handle it, e-even if you think I can’t!”)

“Mario!” That’s Luigi, terrified and wheezing, finally able to talk again. An intentional decision by Bowser, no doubt, just to be cruel. Mario can barely hear his brother at all, and the sound of his voice keeps growing fainter. “No! Let go! MARIO!”

(“What are you even saying? That’s not why I did it at all!” Mario insists, using his uninjured hand to flick Luigi’s nose with a few fingers. His affronted expression at that makes Mario laugh, and the motion quickly turns into them trying to be the first one to swat each other in the face without getting blocked. At least the tears are forgotten, which is what he wanted from the start. “Don’t ya get it? I know you can take care of yourself. But if anyone wants to hurt you, they’re gonna have to go through me first. I’M the big bro, and that’s just how it is forever.”)

Luigi!

He’s standing again, even as his body protests every pull and push of the way, even as he’s still struggling to open his eyes. Someone strong and furry offers some extra support on his right side.

“You okay, man?” Donkey Kong asks. “Geez, that looked like it hurt. Hey, anyone have an extra mushroom?”

Stars are flashing across his vision, but finally they fade away. There’s a line of fire in front of them like a makeshift barrier, slowly but steadily dying out. Sure enough, Bowser and Luigi are gone. Mario’s heart lurches hard against his ribs.

“Setting a devious trap for sure,” The Penguin King grouses from further away. “Using one’s own flesh and blood! Does that dastardly Koopa’s depravity know no limits?”

“I’m fine. Never better,” Mario groans. He points past the fire. “He went that way, right?”

DK blinks, looking a little uneasy. “Uh, yeah, but we should probably regroup first and — hey! Wait a second, you idiot!”

Mario’s already charged full-speed ahead, jumping over the flames. Others yell after him too, saying it's too dangerous, but he’s running anyway, chasing the smell of molten heat, the faint, far-off echoes of yelling that feel like pinpricks in his lungs.

He knows it’s a trap. He knows. He just doesn’t care.

He already let Luigi literally slip through his hands once before. Heck, he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive himself for that alone. No matter where he has to go, who he has to fight, how much abuse he has to take, he's getting Luigi back right now, and he's gonna pound that overgrown bully's face until he regrets every life decision that led to him daring to hurt Mario's little brother.

It can't be too late. He can't have screwed this up again. He'll do anything. Even if...

The feeling of something on his cap startles him out of the thought — the softest boop-boop-boop, like someone very small is bouncing on it. He assumes he’s just imagining things until the blue star-thing (Lumalee?) floats down further, easily keeping up with his top speed, humming what sounds like a lullaby. Mario gawks in its direction.

“The biggest sacrifices are often the ones that burn the brightest, out in space,” it says, bright and sing-song. “Did you know that?”

“What are you even talking about!?” Mario yells. “Sorry, but I’m a little busy here!”

It’s unbothered by that, twirling close enough to give his mustache a little, playful poke. “Not existing any longer is natural, inevitable. We all go into the light someday.” The way it’s staring at Mario is unnerving, as though this little, creepy star knows exactly what he was just thinking about. “You look scared of that. Are you?”

Mario swallows thickly.

“No,” he says. “If that’s the only way, then…” His eyes are burning at the edges, just a little. “If the people I love are safe, then it doesn’t matter what happens to me.”

Lumalee smiles a dreamy, thoughtful smile.

“Oh,” it sighs, little more than a breath. “This is going to be so much fun.”

And then it floats away.

Mario doesn’t have time to stop and wonder what that was all about. He throws himself deeper and deeper into the airship, even when a heavy metal gate slams down behind him to separate him from the others, even when the slabs of rock under his feet sink down into the lava from the weight and don’t resurface, erasing any way out. Mario thinks of his training, of Princess Peach and Toad cheering him on, of the exhilaration and hope he felt looking out over the Rainbow Road, of Luigi smiling in the warp zone right before they were ripped apart. He steels himself for what’s coming next.

Further ahead, he hears his brother call out for him.

Mario runs.

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #super mario bros #mario and luigi #super mario bros movie #cherrysip fic #super mario bros movie spoilers #(again NO SPOILERS IN THE FIC ITSELF unless you've been avoiding all trailers and TV spots but just to be safe)#(although i AM going to post a small music-related spoiler down here in the tags so don't read if you want to avoid!!!!)#'hey what were you insinuating with that weird convo at the end there' NOTHING [pointedly stares at one up mushroom in promotional stuff]#LOL this is WAY TOO DRAMATIC and probably too violent for a kid's movie but LOOK #i just need them to pay off the 'bowser is looking for mario's weakness and luigi ultimately IS the weakness' thing. I NEED IT #even if it's just in a small moment. bowser wants to fight mario but he does NOT play fair if he thinks he'll lose. I CRAVE THE ANGST #i was actually going to go a little further with the scene and carry it all the way to bowser saying 'let's end this' like in the trailer #but i just really liked this foreboding ending note #if you are curious about what came next in my head (and also where the heck peach is in all of this) mario ends up in bowser's throne room #and sees that peach has been captured too which is a whole new fun wave of horror that he didn't know about #luigi's been thrown in with her and she's helping him because he's obviously a little hurt after being SQUEEZED #the power star hangs over bowser's throne like the chekhov's gun it is. and we begin!#(the only thing i really wanted to write that i didn't get to by cutting earlier was some more mario + bowser dialogue)#(i think mario would be too tense to say much in the scene i have but once they're squaring off he's a smartass for sure)#(he's known a lot of bullies in his life and bowser is just a much bigger scalier one)#(the title is from the song 'holding out for a hero' which apparently according to a new interview is IN the movie!)#(during mario's training montage so i started listening to it and it basically become my background music for writing this lol)#(last stupid thought before i shut up: bowser hitting mario with his tail is included because i recently played mario odyssey and bowser #kept absolutely BODYING me with that move in the end fight. i died twice because i am bad at games lololol)

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thecryptidenthusiast · 1 year

Text

Title: willingness to bend

Rating: PG? Nothing much but some arguing further in. Abby is stubborn and not thinking straight, and Nate isn’t helping his case.

Pairing: Detective Abigail ‘Abby’ Brùn/Nate Sewell

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: how the post-forest argument would have actually gone between Abby ‘fiercely independent and stubborn’ Brùn and Nate ‘worries SO MUCH but terrible about talking through things’ Sewell. Also known as ‘these two care a lot about each other they’re just bad at saying so’

I was disappointed there was no sort of conversation or confrontation with these post-trapper, especially picking the dialogue option that gets you the famous “i won’t allow you to endanger yourself” line. so I’m rectifying it by making things worse <3 no spoilers really this all takes place in the timeframe of the demo, but I’ll tag it just to be safe.

Abby wasn’t expecting Nate to be waiting for her.

She’d lingered behind at the Facility after the debriefing. Longer than she probably should have, given the circumstances of…everything going on. But she’d needed some kind of respite, a little time to process without Unit Bravo looming over her shoulder.

Getting food with Vieno had been the perfect excuse for some time away.

Unit Victor had been an unexpected surprise, but ultimately a pleasant one. The group had no problems dragging chairs over and making themselves comfortable. Willing to talk about everything and nothing, they had little regard for personal boundaries.

Apparently news about her traveled far, and she wasn’t sure how she felt being at the center of it.

It seemed positive, at least.

The conversations were light. Nothing more than gossip to fuel the rumor mills. Was Adam as hard headed as everyone claimed, something Abby only gave a noncommittal shrug to because the last thing she needed was her answer somehow cycling its way back to him. They’d reached a tentative peace, she didn’t feel the need to argue with him at every comment, and he seemed to tolerate her being around. No need to upheave that progress.

They’d asked about Nate afterwards. About her relationship with him, and she couldn’t bring herself to answer around the sudden lump in her throat. Vieno steered them off by calling them a bunch of ‘nosy gossips’, and it was all Abby could do to give them a grateful nod at the intervention. Conversation still flowed afterwards as they all talked amongst themselves, and she happily let herself drift to the background.

But the lump never eased.

It’s- ridiculous. Selfish, even. Everything that’s happened in the past 24 hours, and it’s her own personal problems sitting on her mind like lead weights, something she couldn’t shake off. Added salt to the wounds of everything else.

Maybe it stung because Nate had been her point of peace. Someone that could help keep her afloat even when it felt like she was spiraling. She didn’t have that now and she felt- she felt alone.

Too lost in her own mind to be considered anything remotely close to ‘good company’, she gave a distracted good-bye before excusing herself and somehow managing to find her way to her car.

The drive back, trapped in the silence, hurt more than it helped.

She couldn’t stop herself from replaying everything over in her mind, trying to pick out where she’d gone wrong to make him so frustrated. Outside of the level of danger that was becoming a regular occurrence in her life, she’d come out of the attack fine. Stressed, a little shaken, but unhurt. She hadn’t even fought, technically. The thorny mess of underbrush had done the work for her; she’d just taken advantage of her…familiarity with the area.

Not that it mattered. Nate still hadn’t been happy she wasn’t willing to let him hide her away while everyone else fought in her place.

So, he yelled. Sort of. As much as Nate ever raises his voice.

And in turn, she yelled back at him. And if she hadn’t been so caught off guard, she would’ve been embarrassed that it all happened in front of the rest of the team.

No, that didn’t settle in until afterwards. After the chaos settled and the adrenaline faded, forced to sit through a debriefing with as much distance as she could manage between her and Nate. It mixed with the slow burning anger she’d tried to swallow down until it formed something toxic that left a bitterness in her throat.

It wasn’t Nate’s frustration that stung. Or the yelling - though that hadn’t helped. That, alone, she could have taken; sat with and picked apart into pieces of something that made sense, given enough time.

I won’t allow you.

No, the anger came even before they’d been reduced to shouting at each other. It was the declaration of what she was allowed to do, as if that’s a decision he had the right to take away from her. One sentence, buried in her mind like a splinter. The more she dug at it, the more raw she’s left afterwards.

It’s not rational, not really. One panicked phrase, said in the heat of a dangerous situation, shouldn't have struck her as hard as it did. But whether or not it was sane or fair didn’t matter - it left her feeling angry and constricted.

She doesn’t register the drive until she’s sitting outside the chain link fence of the Warehouse. It takes effort to uncurl her fingers, idly rubbing out the cramps brought on by the white-knuckled grip she’d had on the steering wheel. Staring up at the decrepit facade, with her headlights painting shadows in the gloom of the night, a part of her considers turning around. Peeling out before she has to face anyone, although…she has nowhere to go besides here. A stray thought passes through her mind about crashing at Tina’s, but she squashes it before it has a chance to take root. It’s well past 2 in the morning, and while Tina would open her door to her, Abby wouldn’t put her out like that. And she isn’t sure she wants to deal with the line of questioning that would bring on, either. And, Adam had been clear about her order to come directly back to the Warehouse afterwards.

Another order. Another decision made for her. Only this one smarts less, because she’s used to Adam telling her what to do.

So, against every nerve in her body, she forces herself to shut the car off and climb out. Mentally talking herself into taking each step forward, more mechanical feeling than anything natural. She’s not in the right headspace to handle anything more than collapsing into bed.

It’s late, anyways. Maybe she’ll be lucky and everyone will be busy doing whatever it is that keeps vampires busy throughout the night. They’ll hear her arrival, she’ll be able to get to her room and push off dealing with anything for at least a few more hours.

She wasn’t planning on Nate being up and about. Even if she shouldn’t have expected anything less from him.

“You’re back.” He startles her out of her thoughts. Perched on the couch in the living room, a book in hand, it’s clear he’d been waiting for her return. He’s smiling, doing his best to look relaxed, but she knows him too well for him to hide the tension in his body. The concern in his eyes as he looks her over.

Both get worse when she chooses to stay rooted to her spot by the door instead of moving to join him.

“I was at the Facility.” She says, words stilted and awkward as she debates her chances of making it if she were to just rush through the room and leave. She’d thought- a part of her hoped her aggravation would ease, if she gave herself time, but seeing him has it trying to claw its way to the surface again, settling like a burning coal in her chest.

Maybe he’ll let it go. Maybe he’ll just say goodnight and let her go-

“I was worried.”

He means it, that’s the worst part of it all. A passing remark made with nothing but genuine care in mind, because he always worries when she’s away. When he can’t be around. He just wants her safe. And there’s a small, logical part of her that knows that. The part that’s fighting and failing to pull her temper back knows it’s meant in kindness.

But the threats she’d been desperately grasping onto snap, all the same.

“I was with Vieno. And another Unit.” Her tone is flat, bordering on harsh. “Do I need your permission so you can allow me to go anywhere without you?”

She’s lashing out now. Feeling twisted up too tight, throwing barbs in the hopes of something sticking. There’s no pleasure when her words hit their mark though, no enjoyment in the way she sees him flinch. Just a building pressure under her skin, a rolling nausea in her stomach.

She hates this. Hates everything she’s feeling, but is too far in to pull back now.

He sighs as he pushes up from the couch, and she shuffles the rest of the way into the living room to take a place in front of the fireplace. Just- to give herself somewhere to stand besides the front door, so it didn’t seem like she was seconds away from bolting. She keeps her eyes on the ground though, just to find something to look at that isn’t him. Still, she feels him take a place beside her, even with the deliberate space he’s kept between them.

“I suppose we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we really do.” As if drawn by a magnet, her eyes flit in his direction, unsure of what she’ll find. Frustration on his face? Exasperation in his eyes at her attitude? She’s not being kind, it would be deserved.

She isn’t prepared for the deep crease between his pinched brows. She isn’t prepared to find him looking so incredibly sad.

“I know I didn’t handle the…situation with the Trappers properly.” He starts after a brief pause, clearly trying to gather up his thoughts. She lets herself relax, just a little. At least this seems like a step in the right direction. “Seeing them close in on you, while I was too far to help, filled me with terror. Every worst case scenario went through my mind, and I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

He sounds properly contrite, at least. His shoulders are drawn, hands pushed deep into his pockets. It's only her own stubbornness that keeps her from reaching out to him though. “It worked out, though.”

“That it did.” He smiles, but it’s a wobbly thing. Brittle. “All it takes is once, though. As I said, they will stoop to whatever means necessary to take you and I- I cannot bear the thought of that happening.”

“And I can’t handle sitting back, doing nothing while everyone else fights my fights.” She turns to face him now, and he mirrors her movement. “And I can’t handle you telling me what I’m allowed to do.”

“It’s our job to protect you, and we don’t mind-“

“But I do!” She snaps, cutting him off. She knows they’re making no progress. Two steps forward, three backwards. Unlike before though, she can see him trying to figure out a way to diffuse the rising tensions before they can come to head.

“We’re getting off point, and I’ve upset you again. I apologize, for then and now.” His apology soothes her annoyance, if only a little.

“Thank you.” He takes a few tentative steps forward at that, trying to close the distance. “But again, Nate, it’s not just the fight. It’s you trying to tell me what you’ll allow me to do.”

He pauses then, and she realizes he’d been hoping she’d just pass that point over in favor of being angry about everything else. “I shouldn’t have phrased it that way,” He says finally, carefully, and she narrows her eyes. “I misspoke, I’m not trying to make every decision in your life.”

Just certain ones, the thought is a cranky, nasty little one. “You’re going to have to let me help. If I’m going to be part of the team, let me act like it.”

His brows furrow at that. Reaching out, hesitating just long enough to give her a chance to push him away, he cups her face in his palm. Cradling her like she’s something precious, she can’t help but lean into him as his thumb traces her cheekbone. “Being a part of a team also means accepting your limitations and allowing us to help you, though.”

Any warmth from his touch vanishes then, chilling in her veins as she shakes him off. “What does that mean?”

“I told you to hide because, at that moment, that was the best thing you could have done to help us.” His tone is gentle, but Abby knows him well enough now to know he’s picking his words with care, working up to his point in a very Nate-like way. Kind, always so kind, but unwilling to budge. “Your safety is my priority, always. At times, that means you have to be willing to let us protect you.”

He’s not listening. He’s not hearing a word she’s saying, and she can feel her anger rising again.

“I handled myself though.” She’s trying to be reasonable. To quell the part of her that wants to snap, and snarl, and fight. “I didn’t even fight, I was able to handle it my way.”

“And what if you couldn’t? What then?” Nate crosses his arms, as if he isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do with his hands now that she’s out of his reach once again, and Abby has never thought he looked more stubborn. “I just wish for you to be safe, is that a bad thing?”

“It is when you expect me to sit back and let my family fend for themselves!” She won’t let herself focus on the fact that was the first word that came to mind, slipping out before she could stop it. Not here, not now. Not with so much tension, or with the storm of emotions making her chest ache. Or with Nate’s face lighting up, even in the midst of her yelling at him. She’ll dissect it later, with nothing but four walls watching her and the safety of an empty room around her.

“I’m simply asking for you to trust us,” He says slowly, as if to placate her, though all it does is further stoke her temper. “I- We can handle threats against ourselves, but you-“

“You almost didn’t before!” She shouts, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Memories of Nate, battered and bruised, laying in his own blood, flash in her mind, too quick for her to block them out. As if sensing her distress, he reaches out on instinct, but she jerks back before he can make contact.

She can almost pretend like the flash of hurt on his face doesn’t make her ache.

“I was taking care of myself long before you guys showed up.” As soon as the words are out there, she wants to snatch them back. Bury them, stuffed away in the dark where they belong. Panic and embarrassment has her pacing now, too much of something buzzing just under her skin. She was prepared for fighting, yelling she- she’s not ready to see pity from him.

Because maybe, that’s the true, awful core to all of this. Why Nate’s protectiveness feels like an ill-fitting coat, clinging too tightly. So long with no one, pushed to grow up too fast. She doesn’t know how to let somebody else care for her.

Would she even want to? To let herself be that vulnerable with someone else?

And Nate knows. Of course he does. Even with ehr pacing, and her stubborn refusal to meet his eyes, she can feel him watching. Picking up on every little thing she wants to hide from him but can’t, because he’s always seen too much of her. He’s close to hovering, she’s sure, wanting to provide comfort but unsure how. The thought makes her cross her arms, as if she can make herself a smaller target.

That’s what makes him finally move, though. A gentle hand on her arm to stop her in her tracks, providing a warmth she can feel even through her layers of clothes.

“You shouldn’t have had to.” He sounds so soft, so sure of himself. Steady, where she’s drifting. “And if I could, I would mend that for you. But you don’t have to now.”

Let me care, the words are there. Unspoken, left to hang between them, but there nonetheless. I would if you’d let me. I want to.

And it would be so easy to let him. To drop her guard and let him in. To let him take the few final pieces of her heart she has hidden away, because he’s already taken the rest. Given to him willingly the first time they’d kissed

She could.

She wants-

I won’t allow you.

But she won’t. Can’t.

“Well, I did.” She cuts through the silence that had grown between them with sharp precision. Squaring her shoulders, she turns to face him, trying not to miss his touch as his hand slips away, and forces herself to meet his gaze head-on. Whatever he sees when he looks at her has his shoulders slumping, ever so slightly. “Which means I don’t need you panicking over every little thing that could potentially go wrong, or you deciding what I’m allowed to do.”

There’s a rare flash of frustration in his eyes, there too fast for him to be able to tuck it out of her sight. “It’s not about permission, Abigail.”

“That’s exactly what all of this has been about!” She snaps, barely resisting the urge to yank on her hair in frustration and instead settles for pulling at her sleeves to give her something to dig her nails into. Her tone is rising again and she can’t stop. This is falling apart in front of her, too fast for her to do anything but embrace the inevitable crash waiting for her at the end. “You’re trying to tell me what you’ll allow me to do, stressing over things that might happen. None of this is going to work if you don’t trust me to know my own limits.”

“You ask me to trust you, yet you have an alarming pattern of paying little regard to your own wellbeing. So forgive me if I’m inclined to doubt your choices.” His tone is harsher than she’s ever heard it, words sharp enough to make her wince. He notices, immediately softening as he scrambles to backtrack. “I care about you Abby. So much.”

That’s all this is about. Everything it boils down to. But it’s not enough to fix anything. And that realization has her deflating, a sadness creeping in to replace the anger.

“But I’m human.” It’s a quiet sort of admission. One that hurts, because it doesn’t matter what she does in the end. How much she prepares herself, or tries to help. She’s still the weak link, and Nate will always treat her as such.

Half a dozen emotions flicker across his face in that instance, almost too fast for her to recognize. Fear. Frustration. Affection. Something- something heavier, deeper than the others, and she feels her heart thumping painfully against her ribs.

“That-“ He cuts himself off, tearing his gaze away to look at the wall. There’s something more there, that much she’s certain of. Something he’s barely bitten back, and part of her wants to grab him. Shake him and demand an answer, an explanation, anything to tell her she’s wrong. “You are.”

Nothing more. No deeper answer. Just a heavy hearted agreement, that hurts more than her own words had.

A bitter part of her wonders why she expected anything any different.

The fight leaves her as quickly as it had come. The exhaustion of everything suddenly presses down on her with such a fierceness that she’s left aching. So she crosses her arms again, like she can hold herself together a little while longer as she shuffles backwards. Desperate to space between them.

“I can’t do this right now.” She’s speaking more to herself than to him at this point, turning towards the door. “I can’t- I need to go.”

“Abby?” There’s a thread of alarm in his voice now, and she hears his muffled footsteps on the carpet as he keeps pace behind her. “Wait, we can talk-“

“All we’ve been doing is talking, Nate. And I’m done.” There’s a hollowness in her, like something carved out a piece of her, and she rubs her chest as if she can massage the ache away. A chill has seeped through her clothes, settling all the way down to the tips of her fingers, and she chooses to blame it on the lack of sleep.

“Please.” It’s one word, practically begged, but it’s enough to make her stall. Enough to have her spare one more glance at him. Frozen halfway from touching her, panic and desperation have brought a sheen to his usually warm eyes. Torn between having her stay, and afraid of pushing her further away has him teetering on an edge. “Please, stay?”

It hurts. So much, more than it should, and it isn’t fair. Leaving him like this, when a part of her wants to turn around and let him soothe away everything. Let herself be lost in him awhile and pretend like everything is fine between them. To take the easy path.

But she knows how that will end. Another fight, sooner rather than later. She knows she can’t keep burying things away, as much as he wants to when things get tough.

So she shakes her head, pulling the door open and forcing herself to look away before he can notice the tears she can feel burning her eyes. “I just need some time, okay? Give me some space.”

She doesn’t wait for him to answer. She can’t, not if she’s going to keep her resolve. So she leaves, letting the door slam closed behind her. And maybe, everything will feel a little less painful when the sun rises.

#Nate sewell #the wayhaven chronicles #twc #n Sewell #twc spoilers #my writing #this is so rough but I’m trying to get back into the swing of writing alskdldk #and the lack of ANY follow up to the argument bugged me #so I had to put my spin on it #Abby isn’t being Nice because she doesn’t know how to let ppl care and it scares her <3 thanks Rebecca lmao #she took nate going ‘i won’t allow it’ as him trying to control her. didn’t cross her mind that he’s genuinely terrified for her and in love #anyways they’re entire relationship timeline is getting shifted in my brain and slowed down from what it was in the book #and Nate doesn’t think he can protect her but is afraid to say that. since we see him saying he doesn’t think he’s enough for the MC #so his own panic at losing abby and her stubbornness lead to messes #if you see mistakes no you don’t lmao I’ve rewritten this three times now?#if mistakes survived they belong in here now

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trekkie-polls · 4 months

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About

Hello! This is a new blog. I’m still figuring out the details.

I’ve been a star trek fan my whole life - it started with getting in trouble in kindergarten for staying up to watch late night tos reruns, and I watched all of tos, ds9, and voy as they aired. I tried ent when it first aired and didn’t care for it. Later as part of a project to watch all episodes in in-world chronology, I did watch all of ent. Still didn’t care for it. But it is trek. I watch all new trek, and for the most part I love it (pauses to side-eye Picard season three), but don’t have the same knowledge base with it because I haven’t rewatched it as many times. I’ve seen all of the movies but I honestly just tend to forget them when I’m thinking about what’s happened in cannon. I think they live in a separate part of my brain? I haven’t read the books or comics yet but I do spend a lot of time on Memory Beta.

Right now I’m rewatching lower decks & tos and that’s what I have on my mind.

Anyway, this is all to say that I plan to be inclusive with all star trek media on this blog, but not everything will get equal attention. There are just some things I know more about or am more interested in.

In particular, there are a limited number of options in tumblr polls, and there is a lot of star trek media out there. I make sure to put “other in tags”, or combine titles in a choice, in cases where every item can’t have its own little box. Yes sometimes my personal opinions influence how I break that up, and that’s ok, because this is something I do in my free time for fun.

You are very welcome to submit polls & posts. If you do, and I repost them, I’ll credit you unless you prefer to stay anonymous. Btw - this is how you can get more content around your favorite series if you’re not seeing as much as you’d like.

Right now I don’t have any rules about submissions. It’s possible I won’t post something that’s clearly prejudiced, malicious etc… but I haven’t figured out exactly where I draw that line yet. I don’t plan to gatekeep what is and isn’t trek. I have personal opinions about what I enjoy and what I don’t enjoy, but star trek belongs to everyone and it’s illogical to try to draw lines around what is “legitimate” trek for everyone.

I haven’t really figured out what to say about trigger warnings, spoilers, and nsfw. I don’t plan for this to be especially nsfw, but I do plan to cuss and touch on adult concepts sometimes (I mean how can we not talk about the many forehead vaginas). I also plan to add content/ trigger warnings that are obvious to me but I’m far from an expert about what the most important ones to include are. And finally spoilers are hard because most star trek media has been around forever and the fandom is here to talk about what happened in it, but some is brand new and it can be hard to stay completely caught up, and even the oldest series are new to someone. So I’m making an effort to consider triggering content, spoilers, and nsfw but can’t responsibly make promises on any of them.

And last but not least, I’m happy to block people who call me names. I’m here on my free time for fun.

Tldr:

This blog will be a mixture of:

Polls I make

Other star trek posts I find interesting

Polls & posts you submit

If I see a star trek poll I find interesting I may write the author and ask for permission to reblog here

This blog will not:

Gatekeep what is & isn’t star trek

Be completely impartial to my interest

Be completely sfw or spoiler free, or include all important trigger & content warnings

P.S. I’m in this for the tags. I absolutely love reading through everyone’s theories, favorites, stories, etc…. So if you want to tip this blog please do it by adding your star trek thoughts :)

#trekkie polls

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cordeliawhohung · 3 months

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Based on the responses to your new chapter of Soft Spot, I’m not gonna read it until the next part, maybe even the next couple of parts, come out. My little dumb heart can’t handle angst!!! This just gives me something to look forward to, though. Like when I have a sweet treat at home and I want to eat it RIGHT NOW but I know it’ll be more satisfying to have a few hours from now after dinner because a little dessert makes me happy b4 bedtime. Your story is the sweet treat in this metaphor. It’s kinda convoluted now that I’m thinking about it, but I can’t think of anything else that even remotely demonstrates what I’m trying to say right now. Anyway, I love your blog and your writing and I so look forward to reading the new chapter(s) when I can!!!!!

(I’m NOT pressuring you for another chapter!!! I’m saying that when there’s more that isn’t angst, I’ll devour it all at once!! Sweet treat!!! Sorry if this came off like I’m demanding something, I appreciate all your work as-is, no future expectations)

Ok luv ur blog bye 👍👍💗💗

awe, hun! you're so sweet this literally has me grinning a;sdkjf and i got your metaphor, and you're too kind!! also, don't worry! i knew you weren't meaning it as in like, hurry up with the next part or anything lmao. i'm totally one of those people who sorta save up chapters before reading sometimes for various reasons lmao.

however, if it makes you feel any better, the angst isn't super heavy! i mean, in this first part it is, but i gave a really big treat in the second part that makes up for it. think of it as me being really mean just for funsies in the first part just to make the next part even sweeter. obviously you're still more than welcome to wait until i come out with the next part, but i'm just hoping my reassurance eases your mind a little!

however, i do have a lot of stuff waiting in my inbox that are REALLY big spoilers so if you do choose to wait, you might wanna block the soft spot tag for a bit a;lkdsjf. i'm saving them for a bit to give everyone another day or so to read it but i also am one of those people who hate having stuff sitting in my inbox so just wanted to give you a warning just in case!

#core responds #soft spot

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moonvalse · 4 months

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&. 𝐈𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐋𝐄 (𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐋𝐄)

independent; private & slow portrayal of the 'TAV' character from baldur's gate 3. // written by clémentine, 33 +, she/her. --- bio can be found here.

BEWARE! mentions of death, child abuse, murders, violence (all forms), gore, blood, identity theft, dehumanization, ptsd, dissociative state, more tba.

OOC RULES.

Don’t be a dick. Real life is already hard enough.

20 + only. I’m a full-grown adult so yeah.

Sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia etc. won’t be tolerated. The list is extensive, but you get the point: don’t be a terrible person.

I’m slow. Don’t take it personally, really. I try my best but I can’t promise you that I’ll be as fast as (chain) lightning.

I finished the main plot and am currently on my dark urges run. Don’t worry about me if we wind up discussing this specific aspect of the plot because I don’t mind spoilers.

I’m Klém (Clémentine) , 33+, she/her —- nice to meet you. English isn’t my first language, so please be patient too! I’m a nurse, so my schedule is erratic but I’ll try to be around as much as I can.

credits for the icons (psd+border) : somresources !

credits for the banner: feypacts.

IC RULES.

Anything from one-liners to novellas is fine to me. I just love writing.

I only write with mutuals. I’m OC-friendly & love them. I love other Tav so please, don’t be afraid to gush about your muse with me. I know it can be stressful for some but it’s not my case - still, I respect if it’s a problem for other Tavs to interact so no hard feelings here. We’re all here to have fun.

Do not force me to ship or smut. It’s a big no-no. I believe in chemistry. I also believe in plotting so if you want a relationship with Rhys (romance, friendship, enemies etc…), please approach me. My DM are always open. I’m not against writing smut but only with people I feel comfortable with.

I love plotting but sometimes, life gets in the way and I have zero time and/or energy. It’s not you, it’s a ‘me’ problem. Just give me some time.

Speaking about ships — I usually follow my partners’ wishes. If they only ship with one version of my muse, I shall return the favor. If they don’t, fair game. I’m not too bothered about it but I want my partners to feel comfortable so I’ll follow your rules on this matter.

18+ content might occur and will always be tagged. Keep in mind that many dark themes will be explored on this blog BUT they’ll always be tagged. If you need a specific tag for some content you don’t want to see, you can always send me a message so I can tag it appropriately. I’m usually good with tags but mistakes/oversights could happen so yeah.

I do not ship kiddos with adults, that’s a given. Incest is also a big no.

Sometimes I use icons, and sometimes I don’t. Life is full of surprises!

Thank you for reading my rules (:

#꒰ ooc ⤻ pinned post ꒱

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bloodonhissocks · 2 years

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Leverage: Redemption

I’m not going to label or tag this as spoilers because I tried to keep it as general as possible, but I’ll hide the rest just in case.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to like the new Leverage because I’ve heard and read posts with contrasting opinions. My uncle, who introduced me to the show years ago when I was around 13 or 14, wasn’t too attached to it. He felt that it wasn’t the same and missed the old Leverage. But now I’m six episodes in and I really gotta say…

I’m in love with Leverage: Redemption. It’s different for sure and I’m glad it’s different. I really like the shift towards people of color, generally underrepresented and ignored groups of people, and those who normally have less of a voice. The tone and message of the show is the same, just moving in a different direction/along a different branch. Crime is still crime. Corruption is still corruption. But now we’re seeing those hurt and affected that often don’t get talked about which means so much. I cried like three times within two episodes just because they were actually addressing such important things that I don’t usually see represented in such a way in media.

Besides that, I love the new character dynamics. Of course, the dynamics between Sophie, Parker, Hardison, and Eliot are familiar as they’ve already been developed and solidified for 5 seasons, but they’re also just slightly different in the best way possible. I can feel how much of a family they are and how their comfortability has influenced their interactions and mannerisms. I do like Harry because he’s really not Nate’s foil; he’s his own character and his role in the new series may sometimes seem like he’s the “new Nate,” but he really isn’t and that’s just another reason I love the new Leverage. Moreover, Breanna isn’t all up in my face as a younger member of the crew. Yes, she’s not as experienced and makes mistakes...because she’s young and new and just a really well done character in my opinion. Like Harry, she’s also not Hardison, but similar in the sense where we can tell that they’re family and have lived together. It’s so heartwarming.

#just how I feel about the new Leverage so far #I love it so much #will be screaming more: coming soon #leverage: redemption #parker #alec hardison #eliot spencer #sophie devereaux #nate ford #harry wilson #breanna casey #mkwg4271

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clownfire · 2 years

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Spoilers ig for the just rolled for pd s2 ep17 (also cw for use of the term qu**r, in reclaimed and academic usage, I self-identify as such and feel comfortable using the term, but I understand why others don’t).

Honestly I’m okay with GhostKnife not being reciprocated. I’ll feel bad in the moment for Will sure, but I know it’ll serve the story the crew want to tell and trust it will be played well.

Now I’m not saying that I dislike GhostKnife, it’s a compelling pairing with a strong basis in canon, and I reckon the guys could pull it off really well if they decide that’s how they wanna take this subplot. And Will’s crush is canon! William is a canonically bisexual character who gets to progress the plot and have interesting dynamics with other characters, all whilst being queer and all that having nothing to do with his queerness and without it being ignored (I can’t say the same for another William...Duffers). We know that the relationship going to become more story relevant, and will be addressed. The crew aren’t ignoring it for the sake of baiting a potential queer audience like larger studios do, this show is independently run, and funded and consumed by a predominately queer audience

Similarly, jrwi isn’t your regular show that’s written by a team, who hand scripts off to voice actors who are hired to read a character’s lines; If Condi and/or Slime don’t feel comfortable role-playing that or don’t know where to take the pairing, they don’t have to. I’d rather it not become canon than it be done poorly, ya know? That’s what fanfiction’s for anyways (that just might be my cynicism from being in the IT fandom leaking through tho).

And honestly I’d be refreshing to see a queer teen pairing not eventuate into a romantic relationship - not because one of them dies or a big dramatic coming out scene that gets rejected - but simply because they’re young adults who still need to figure themselves out, and have the literal weight of the world on their shoulders. Media with lgbtq+ characters are honestly swamped by copious amounts of teen-mlm-slow-burn-pining. The jrwi boys can break the mold if they want to.

This post isn’t meat to disway people from liking the ship, making content for it, or wanting them to get together (I’d be a bloody hypocrite on all three counts if I was), but - even though we’re not as bad as twitter can be - I think the fandom might need a friendly reminder in case GhostKnife doesn’t become canon and a vocal few flip their lid.

TL;DR - GhostKnife is a great pairing but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it does not become endgame, ultimately it’s up to the crew and what they want for their characters, and if you don’t like that then write your own ig.

read the tags btw for more thoughts but ramble-y

#im writing with the assumption the ccs won't see this lol #it's nothing bad #i just don't wanna tell people how to write their show ya know?#this isn't a 'they gave us so much stop being demanding' or 'liking a thing for its ships is shallow' bs self-aggrandising post btw #i want and definitely believe it could turn out great and be fun to watch unfold #and maybe im being parasocial who knows #but fandom can be like that even in good ones #ghostknife #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi ghostknife #jrwi pd #just rolled with it

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blissfulalchemist · 2 years

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WIP Tuesday

Tagged by @blackreaches to share a little something on this fine tuesday. So sending tags out to: @belorage @florbelles @strafethesesinners @heroofpenamstan @dihardys @jackiesarch @confidentandgood @indorilnerevarine @themarcspector @shellibisshe @shallow-gravy @adelaidedrubman @chyrstis and anyone else that wants too!

All I have is an extension of my last wip with Stasia and Sib in FF. Under the cut for length and spoilers for shadowbringers on kind of.

“As for an advantage, I believe keeping the Warrior of Light alive is as good an advantage as any in these times.”

Siberite sighs, following as close as she can, “Why can’t you just trust me a little bit here? Answer my questions honestly or hells just answer a damn question. We may not be friends but I no longer have full distrust of you.”

“Well aren’t you stupid? I would have thought your experiences would have taught you better by now. Or at least shown you the consequences of trusting someone with all that you are.”

“Don’t presume to think you know anything about the consequences I’ve faced,” Siberite says through gritted teeth. “Do you not see that I had to put my trust in you in those fights back there? You offered to be my back up and I had to trust that you wouldn’t let me die.”

“Well the battle is done so you can put that notion aside.”

“And what if it isn’t?”

“Then I’ll be there to save your ass again like in The First.”

The Warrior stops, blinking quickly, “You did what now?”

“I helped you, to help me in The First.” She waves a hand, “Keeping you living is my best route, and it wasn’t like you were going to let Emet-Selch win anyway so what’s it matter.”

“Are-are you admitting to-.”

“Having a heavy hand in his death? Yes I am. Did you honestly think the Exarch in that weakened state could escape the bonds Emet-Selch had him in?”

“Wh-why? What was the point in doing so?”

Stasia stops, exhaling slowly, letting her head fall back with eyes closed, “My reasoning is my own. Though does one really need a reason to kill another, Warrior of Light?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes snap open, “Pardon?”

“Yes, you need a reason to kill another person,” she shrugs, “Take Carly, she’s been known for senseless and no reason killing, if you stop and ask her though she’ll tell you why she opted to kill that person over anyone else….even if it is something that’s really minor.”

“So then what’s your reason? Simply taking pleasure in it like Zenos assumed?”

The young woman crosses her arms, glancing down at the small patch of grass , “It’s complicated, each one is for a different reason,” her eyes look back at Stasia, “So tell me, why did you partake in the killing of Emet-Selch? A man who had been your mentor for at least one hundred years,” Closer to three hundred but who’s keeping count anymore?. “Knowing someone for that long and since you were fairly young, I assume, means there was some part of both of you that cared for the other. More so on his end after meeting his younger self. So what did he do?”

“But yes, moral relativism and all that. Case in point--I do not consider you to be truly alive. Ergo, I will not be guilty of murder if I kill you.", His words still echo in her mind bringing with it the barb of pain and anger upon finding out she once again wasn’t good enough. That her mother, and gods help her in admitting it, was proven right once more that no one could love her or care for her in any capacity. And for all his talk of speaking nothing but the truth, he’d lied to her about seeing her as one of his own kind, he never had and he played her much like Lahabrea had attempted to do so when she was but a child. “You witnessed it, Siberite,” she says, “the old man was losing it and he was becoming a problem, which I had enough of keeping that blood lusting beast on a leash.”

#Stasia is the pinacle of let me deflect answers as much as possible to ignore the feelings ive worked so hard to repress all this time #however in writing this i find there is some merit in an au....thanks kate #my wip tag #I have little else of merit so apologies

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eldritchlittleblackdragon · 2 years

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Alice van Zieks in The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Part 2

(Or What Happens to Her During and Post-Canon)

Part Two of Five! Images Made with this Picrew (playing around with what Alice’s hair might look like undone vs her normal way of braiding it/tying it back).

Part One can be found here, and covers Alice in Cases 1 and 2 of The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures (DGS1). This post will cover Alice’s presence in cases 3 and 4 of the same game. I’ll also cover case 2 of the second game (The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve) since it happens chronologically in between case 4 and 5 of the first game, and finally, I’ll get to some... very interesting events that happen during the interim between that case and the final case of the first game. *excited wiggling* That said, there are some bits I don’t have as well worked out so I don’t go into much details about them/note when parts are still very, very hazy as far as specifics goes.

Obligatory spoiler warning for the cases discussed. (1-3, 1-4, 2-2, maybe a little bit of 1-5, but really more just context of when that case happens relative to the other events)

Tagging: @curiousobsession101, @wittythreads, @oblivionmobile, @scarlettjskipper, @angeaxil, @possiblythreefourthspeahen

(I missed tagging some folks in the last part of the summary, apologies for that! Although if you’d prefer not to be tagged please let me know. On the flip side, do let me know if you do!)

Quick Author’s Note: I don’t like Magnus McGilded as a character personally. Not because he’s a bad person! That’s the point of his character. My issues is the dude is such a blatant negative Irish stereotype which... rubbed me the wrong way considering where and when the game is set and how the game handles his character in light of that. So I maybe... took some liberties. Just a little bit. Also him being the only Irish character isn’t totally part of the reason I made Alice Half-Irish and made the fact she’s half-Irish a semi-important detail for her character. Aside from the fact I’m also, like Alice, an American of largely Irish descent. Nope.

Previously...

Alice successfully made it to Great Britain, but experienced a great tragedy while at sea. Her best friend and beloved, Kazuma Asogi, was killed in an accident. And as a result, her other best friend, Ryunosuke Naruhodo, took his place in the exchange program, determined to carry on Kazuma’s legacy by studying law in Britain. For the remainder of the voyage, Alice assisted Susato in training Ryunosuke. And after initially walling herself off, Alice opened up and grieved with her friends over the loss of Kazuma.

When they arrived at their destination, they parted ways for the time being, and Alice went to meet up with her friend Agnes Ward, who she would be staying with while settling the matter of her divorce with her husband. However, she was only given time to drop off her things when she was told some starling news. Her husband, Lord Barok van Zieks, had come out of retirement and was working as a Prosecutor again.

And he was to serve in a trial that very day.

While Alice wasn’t emotionally prepared just yet to meet Barok again for the first time in years, she was curious how he was after all this time, and how much he’d changed if at all. Determining that they could make it to the trial in time if they left immediately, Alice and Agnes hailed a carriage and were soon off again.

Alice proceeded to obscure her face (Author’s note: I’m thinking either her mantle has a big hood she can put up or she has a mask or some sort of veil she can wear over her face?). She was in London again. Regardless of whether she wanted her husband to recognize her in the crowd or not, she was still Lady van Zieks. ‘The Bride of the Reaper’. And thus she had a target on her back. It was better to keep herself concealed when in and around the courthouse.

Alice and Agnes arrived at the Old Bailey with barely any time to spare, and made their way into the public gallery inside the courtroom, on the defense’s side.

And now, we switch to the present!

---------

The Trial of Magnus McGilded

Alice’s eyes briefly flit about the courtroom before they fall on a familiar figure at the Prosecutor’s bench. Her breathing catches at the sight of him. Instinctively, she takes a step back to slightly obscure herself more in the crowd.

After all these years, she’s finally laid eyes on her husband again. She can feel her anger, her hurt starting to bubble up to the surface. But there’s also something else. She finds it hard to look elsewhere now that she’s looking at him. She feels warm and maybe even a little light-headed, but strangely not in an unpleasant way.

But she’s not given time to examine that feeling, as soon all the players are about to be assembled. Apparently the defendant is a philanthropist by the name of Magnus McGilded, supposedly an Irishman. Although according to Agnes, there’s debate among the Irish community if the man is really Irish. There are rumors he’s actually an absentee English landlord of Irish land who pretends to be Irish for publicity’s sake. And he may not be the do-gooder he seems either, some say. He’s well liked among London’s general populace. But there are certain pockets who have reason to believe the image he presents to others is a front.

Well, perhaps this trial would bring light to that situation, Alice thinks. If McGilded is what others think him to be or not. She certainly finds herself feeling wary, of the man and the situation.

But then, Alice is given quite the shock when she see’s who McGilded’s defense attorney is.

It can’t be! She thinks.

Ryunosuke!?

Indeed, standing at the defense’s bench alongside McGilded are Ryunosuke and Susato. But when did... how did this happen? Alice can feel panic running up her spine. There’s no way that Ryunosuke is ready to face her husband in a trial. Even with Susato helping him.

Barok is going to tear him to smithereens, she thinks.

She wants to jump in and put a stop to this, demand another defense attorney is found. But she knows rationally she can’t do that. And as she starts to lean forward, Agnes puts a hand on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Alice?”

“That’s my friend down there. That I came in with.” she whispers back. “I don’t know what he’s doing here! Last I heard he was going to meet with...”

...Lord Chief Justice Stronghart. Alice’s interactions with him haven’t been many. But he always made her strangely wary. There was something about him that felt... Oppressive. Exacting. Pernicious. Did he have something to do with this?

He must have. She couldn’t see how else Ryunosuke could have ended up here. It couldn’t have been random happenstance.

But then, what was Stronghart playing at by pitting him and Barok against one another?

All she can do was watch the trial, and hope whatever happens, Ryunosuke would be alright.

From here until the end of the trial, not much is different from canon in terms of the trial itself. Alice is an observer in the audience, and reacts to the various happenings. She cheers Ryunosuke and Susato on in her mind. She’s internally celebrates when Ryunosuke does well and feels frustrated and worried when he stumbles into a blunder. She feels anger when her husband makes race insults against her friend, or when he deems fit to throw glassware around (especially if he throws it into the gallery).

He hasn’t changed at all, she thinks. In fact, she might even judge that he’s gotten worse over time. And this makes her worried. If this was a sign of how he’s been faring since she left, it was very worrisome indeed.

Barok...

But there’s one way in which he seems to be the same that puts her at ease somewhat. He’s still good at his job, and he’s still willing to pursue whatever the truth may be even to the detriment of his own case. He still has his honor, his principles.

It’s still him. Even if the edges around him are sharper now. More cutting.

Alice finds herself feeling sympathy for Gina when she enters the picture (and creates the smokescreen that allows her to plant evidence for McGilded), and is worried for her. It seems like the poor girl has had a rough life, and it seems she had a rough night on the night of the murder. But is she strictly telling the truth? And if not, why not?

Eventually, Ryunosuke manages to scrape through the trial and obtain a Not Guilty Verdict, even pulling on obscure laws and procedure to do so. But Alice is worried. She strongly suspects some of the evidence was planted and McGilded may in fact be guilty of the murder he’s been accused of. And if Ryunosuke’s remarks at the end are any indication, he suspects that as well.

Poor Ryunosuke. Only a day in London and he was already thrown into the midst of vipers. She needs to check on him now that the trial had concluded, she determines. He can’t be in a good state after all of this.

Alice makes her way to Ryunosuke and Susato in the defense’s antechamber. They haven’t left yet, but McGilded has gone on his way at this point. (To his doom.) She reveals herself, and checks in on the two of them. Ryunosuke is feeling pretty shaken up. Alice tries to reassure and comfort him, but it only seems to do so much. More than anything he’s exhausted.

He remarks on the fact he didn’t expect to meet her husband so soon, if at all. Certainly not like this.

“I hope you don’t take offense. But Alice, your husband is terrifying.”

“I can’t blame you for thinking that in your case. I’m sorry you had a front row seat to some of his worse behavior. I wish I could have done something to help.” That causes her to have an idea. But it also prompts her to make a note for later. She wouldn’t take him insulting her friend lightly. But for now, may there is something she can do to help. “Where are you staying? Perhaps I can come see you later and the three of us can share a meal somewhere.”

This is when she finds out that her friends have no place to stay. And they’ll have no place to sleep just for the night if they don’t leave soon.

Alice tries to implore her friend Agnes to let them stay with her as well. But Agnes regretfully tells her there’s no more room. They only have the one guest room. They could possibly accommodate Susato staying as well, but there’s no way it would be appropriate for Ryunosuke to share a room with the two of them.

...Alice doubted Susato would want to leave Ryunosuke to fend for himself. She certainly wouldn’t leave him to that.

They thank the two of them kindly, but they will find something. Alice regretfully nods and wishes them well. Susato says that she would still be more than happy for the two of them to visit with Alice tomorrow, if she’s amenable.

Of course, Alice is more than happy for that.

Alice thinks perhaps she’ll have a busy day tomorrow. Because not only might she be meeting with them, but there’s someone else she wants to visit.

A certain little girl whose been missing her ‘Auntie.’

As she goes to leave the courthouse however, she catches the eye of someone, hearing a voice familiar to her.

“Excuse me!”

She halts and turns around. Catching up to her and Agnes is a kindly looking older gentleman. One she knows very well, and hasn’t seen in some time.

“Harker?”

Her husband’s valet, Harker has managed to determine who she is. But how did he recognize her with her face covered? In a hushed voice, he approaches her, looking around to see he’s not drawn attention.

“Lady Alice? Can it be?” he asks her.

Her eyes scan around before she leans in slightly to reply.

“How did you know?”

“God be good! It really is you.” he replies. “I’ve seen you wear that attire before going out before. It was only the once and it was years ago now, though. I was worried I was mistaken, but I was so sure I wasn’t, I...” he stops. “It’s good to see you, my lady.”

“You’re... you’re happy to see me?”

He then frowns and looks solemn. “You think I wouldn’t be?” he shakes his head. “I suppose you would worry the troubles between you and his lordship have colored perception of you. I can’t speak for anyone among the family’s staff but myself. But, it was a shame to see you go, and I truly am glad to see you returned.” He pauses. “Are you here to see your husband? I can escort you to the Prosecutor’s office...”

“ It... it heartens me to know you still think so well of me. But, I’m afraid I must decline your offer, Harker. I’m... not able to meet with Lord van Zieks just yet. I actually have to leave soon.”

“Oh... I see. Are you sure?” he asks. “I could perhaps bring him a message instead?”

Alice thinks for a moment, but then decides to take him up on that offer.

“Yes. Tell him I’ve arrived safely in London.”

Harker nods. “Yes, my lady. Can you tell me where you’re staying? That way he can send a reply to the proper address...”

Alice hesitates before replying. “I don’t know if it would be safe to say. London still isn’t the safest place for me right now, and especially around the Old Bailey, I’m at great risk. But... I will send word in the near future so we can arrange a meeting. Thank you, Harker. Truly, I appreciate it.”

“O-oh. Of course. I will tell him, my lady. I hope...” he pauses. “Whatever happens, I wish you well. It’s good to see you back.”

He then leaves, and Alice returns to the Ward’s residence with Agnes, having dinner with them and having a lively discussion with the two children, Pavise and Aegis. She goes to bed, full of worry about what the future may hold.

Things are certainly off to tense start.

The First Natsume Case

Alice has breakfast with Agnes and her family before going to visit 221B Baker Street, the home of her friend Sherlock Holmes and his ward, Iris Watson. Iris is home, and is absolutely thrilled to see her ‘Auntie’ returned from overseas. She practically pulls Alice into their home, and immediately offers her tea. She desperately wants to know how Alice has been, how the voyage was, how her first night back in London was, and she just can’t wait to tell her about all the things she’s been up to!

Sherlock shows up briefly, but apologizes, for he can’t stay. It seems there is a case afoot. Before she can question him about it, Sherlock is out the door and on his way. Alice gives a frustrated huff before turning her attention back to Iris. Alice talks to her a little bit about her life in Japan. She finds herself hesitant to talk about the voyage, which catches Iris’s attention, and she admits that a friend she made while in Japan died while on the ship which she found very upsetting.

Iris admits to her that Sherlock told her about that part of things. She’s very sorry for what happened to her friend, and it must still be hard on her still. Alice admits that it is. But she’s trying to put one foot forward every day, and tend to the needs of the living as much as she can. An Irony, she thinks, when she’s trained to help the recently departed.

The conversation shifts to talking about Iris’s inventions and what has been going on in the Holmes household, as well as questioning what Holmes’ business was that somehow lead him to be on the same ship as her. Iris finds herself at a bit of a loss. She said that she thinks there was something about a case that interested Holmes overseas but he strangely never told her the details. And she admits it bothers her a bit. She wonders if it truly had something to do with a case even.

Curious.

Iris and Alice visit for quite a while, discuss a wide array of topics from Iris’s books to some happenings in London to herbal tea blends. Eventually, Alice is surprised when she hears someone come in the door. Initially she thinks it’s Holmes and responds accordingly.

“Oh good, you’re back Holmes! Iris was just telling me all about-”

“Alice!? You’re here!”

She recognizes the voice. But not as Holmes.

“Susato?”

She looks up to see Ryunosuke and Susato there, looking at her with pleasant surprise. Ryunosuke expresses a measure of relief at seeing a familiar and friendly face.

“I’m grateful to see you both. Did you two find lodgings for the night? How are you both feeling?”

They chat for a bit about the events of the previous night and what they did for shelter (staying in a fancy hotel) before Iris enters into the conversation.

“Auntie? Are these you’re other friends who you were traveling with?” “Yes! Indeed Iris. Let me introduce you.”

Iris is introduced to Susato and Ryunosuke and vice versa, and she explains how she has something of a familial relationship to Iris since Holmes asked her to be a study companion some years ago when she was still living in London.

Eventually, the topic turns to more serious matters. It seems not even a day has gone by and Ryunosuke is already on another case. Thankfully not a murder this time. But the situation is grave. A Japanese exchange student, Soseki Natsume, is accused of assaulting a woman on the street with a knife.

Alice can already feel herself growing tense. A Japanese defendant will face prejudice from the courts. But it only gets worse from there.

“You’ll never guess who the Prosecution is.”

The color leaves Alice’s face.

“Barok is the Prosecutor?” she questions him. “But... he usually only takes on high profile cases. The most grave of offenses. Is there some sort of complication that makes this case more serious?”

Ryunosuke has a theory. He suspects that her husband has deviated from his usual preference... because he expects to face off against him specifically again in the courtroom.

Alice resists the urge to grit her teeth.

“Well, if that’s how it’s going to be...” she pauses. “You’re still new to this. You can of course ask Susato about much about what you’ll need to know for when you’re in court. But, If you require any counsel on how to proceed in preparing for your case, let me know. I can offer some thoughts on looking for evidence if you find yourself struggling in that regard.”

Her husband has a decade of experience plus a formal education in law over him. Ryunosuke is talented in the courtroom, and the previous days proceedings did well to remind her of that. But he still lacks experience. Having a little extra help couldn’t hurt.

Eventually, things start to move into how things proceed in canon during the investigation portion of the first Natsume case. But, Alice becomes an additional person for Ryunosuke to talk to about topics pertaining to the case, as well as pertaining to her husband. She also is a source of support for Ryunosuke, helping him get his resolve back to believe in his client.

At one point Ryunosuke asks her if she’s spoken with her husband yet. She hasn’t, but suspects she will soon. She plans on sending word soon on arranging a meeting to discuss his opposition to the divorce, and begin the painful process of trying to persuade him to change his mind on opposing her. Although she suspects at the same time, he’ll very much be trying to persuade her to change her mind and stay married to him. She doesn’t say it aloud, but she also suspects he may even try to convince her not to leave this time.

To stay with him. But she can’t, she asserts. There’s no going back.

Eventually, Ryunosuke has done all he can, and Alice takes him and Susato to a small out of the way cafe near the University to have something to eat (on her tab). It serves as a calm interlude for the three of them. She assures Ryunosuke that unless something comes up, she’ll be back at the Old Bailey tomorrow watch from the Gallery as before.

“I have faith in you, Ryunosuke. And if Kazuma were here, he would say the same. We all believe in you.”

He thanks her for her support.

And so, they go their separate ways, and then the next day, having yet to hear from her husband about a meeting, she makes her way to the Old Bailey, but alone this time (with her face once again obscured).

As with the previous case, not much changes about the actual case for the most part. And Alice’s part for most of the trial is much the same, observing and internally reacting to what happens.

There is a point in the case that catches her attention. Her husband shows mercy to the witness who is a recently wed patrolman who tampered with evidence in order to spend more time with his new bride. Something in the way he responds to the situation gives her pause. There’s something subtly sentimental that makes her wonder if memories of her are playing on his mind when he responds to the situation as he does.

Does he still love her after all this time? Is that why he won’t let her go? At times she had wondered how he must feel about her now after their time apart. When she received word of him opposing the divorce, she wasn’t certain what his motivations might be.

But, apart of her had thought it would have made sense if he hated her now. It would make things easier if he did. It would make things far more difficult if he didn’t.

She also worries about Mr. Garrideb because of the treatment he received from his wife on the night of the incident. And she becomes incensed at how his wife’s behavior led to the victim in the case becoming injured. She finds her abusive behavior towards her husband, and the fallout of it completely abhorrent. And she’s extremely grateful that Mr. Natsume is cleared of the charges.

But she has to wonder. How could Mr. Garrideb stay with his wife when she treated him so badly? When her actions hurt the people around him? What sort of mindset must he be in to make that kind of choice? She doesn’t blame him by any means.What his wife did wasn’t in any way his fault. But she also doesn’t understand.

After the conclusion of the case however, is when events become interesting.

Alice goes to leave the courtroom, finding herself curiously circling around closer to the Prosecution’s side before doing so. She watches Barok for a moment before turning to leave. But as she does so, she is unaware that she’s inadvertently drawn attention to herself.

She takes her leave of the courthouse, taking a way that’s less frequented by others that she learned to use back when she lived in London. Unfortunately the entrance is near the Prosecution’s antechamber, so she knows there’s a chance she’ll run into Barok.

It makes her wonder again what will happen when the two of them finally meet.

She makes her way for the door, when she hears a very distinctive pair of footsteps behind her. The sound of metal clinking, of heavy steps that add a weight to the atmosphere of the room with their sound.

Iron-heeled wellington boots.

There’s only one person whose footsteps those could be.

Her hand reaches for the door but then stops. She hesitates. What if she’s mistaken? She feels a hand on her arm, and turns around.

“Pray, forgive my-”

And there he is in front of her, his hand lingering for a moment as he stares at her, rendered speechless for a moment.

“Alice,” he speaks at last, uttering her name softly. “So it was you. I thought I recognized you amidst those in the gallery.” He lets go of her, his brow creasing, his lips turned in a look of worry.

Alice tries to appear determined. Her eyes trail from where his hand had been on her arm to his face. Up close, she can see that three years have added intensity to his features. He looks embattled to her, which would certainly be an apt description of him to be sure, she thinks.

“So you did,” she replies, “Barok, I...” She inhales, trying to keep herself calm. “I didn’t expect us crossing paths again so soon. At least, not here.” Was that what she wanted to say?

“I certainly wouldn’t have thought to see you here of all places, either.” he replies. He then pauses a moment. “Have you been well, Alice? Are you doing well to keep safe?”

She doesn’t expect such a gentle response from him to seeing her. He should be angry, shouldn’t he? But that was what she thought on the day she left London, too. And it was much the same then. When she expected anger, she had instead received a pained tenderness.

She stumbles over her words a bit before telling him that she’s been alright for the most part. It wasn’t an easy journey back to London, but she made the journey overseas safely. She’s in good physical health. She’s been careful about where she goes and has been mindful not to draw attention to herself. She hides her face in places where it might be unsafe for someone to recognize her such as the Old Bailey. And she’s been keeping up with her skills to defend herself should she need to.

He nods, expressing approval of her diligence. Although he still seems worried about her.

He asks her how long she plans to stay in London. She finds herself a bit perplexed by the question. Surely he can safely assume she’ll only be staying however long it takes to settle the matter of the divorce, regardless of whatever the outcome may be. But then again, for all he knows she might have other business in London that he’s not privy to.

Or maybe he’s trying to determine how long he has before ... she quiets the thought and answers him as best she can.

“I... I don’t know for certain how long. I suspect a few weeks at the very least.”

He looks away for only a moment, as though he’s not certain how to react to that information. “I see.” He then looks back at her. “Is there perhaps anything I can do for you? Anything you require?”

“I... No. Nothing at the moment.”

His expression and posture indicate slight disappointment. “Very well. If there is anything, you need only call upon me.”

Alice nods. A silence hangs in the air as neither one of them seems sure what to say to the other. But then she bows her head slightly and thanks him. “I appreciate your offer. I will let you know if there is anything I need.”

“Good.” he pauses. “Then, I won’t keep you.” He looks as though he wishes to say more. “Alice...” His words fail him. “I hope London treats you well. For however long you are here.”

“Thank you,” she replies simply, “Until we meet again, my lord husband.”

It’s clear her choice of words affects him, but how she cannot say.

She takes her leave, and eventually checks in with Ryunosuke and Susato to congratulate then on the case (having run into them again on the way back to the Ward’s residence). She receives news that Sherlock has generously offered for them to stay with him, and they’ll be with him for the time being. Alice is grateful to hear they have found lodgings, and that now they have a stable address at which she can find them. She is also extremely grateful to her friend, Sherlock, for being the one to extend his home to Ryunosuke and Susato. She would do well to thank him, she thinks.

And at least that will be one less thing worrying her.

The Second Natsume Case

Alice has been invited to the Holmes’ residence to have breakfast with everyone, and enjoys a meal with her friends (Holmes, Iris, Ryunosuke, and Susato). Holmes informs everyone that the victim of the Natsume case, Olive Green, has awakened from being unconscious and is currently residing still in the hospital. He requests Ryunosuke and Susato to go visit her with him, and Alice requests that she be allowed to come along as well to see how she is faring.

She accompanies them during Green’s visit and speaks to her a little, expressing relief that she is alright. When Green mentions she’s an artist Alice becomes interested, asking her what kind of art she does. She mentions she does a lot of sketch work as a hobby and deeply admires those who want to make art their life’s work. Green is a bit bowled over by this, and tells Alice that she is too kind.

They speak to her a bit more about herself and what she’d been told about the incident, when a police officer comes in with some startling news. It seems that perhaps there may be yet more trouble for Ryunosuke’s previous client, Soseki Natsume.

Unfortunately, Alice has particular matters to attend to that day. So she has to part ways from her friends for the time being, but she tells them not to hesitate to come and find her if they need any assistance regarding the case. They do eventually take her up on that offer, having more questions regarding her husband and specifically the ‘curse’ attached to him. Alice asserts her belief that in spite of what the public things, she thinks he doesn’t actually have anything to do with the deaths. Her theory is that someone else might be using her husband’s cases to select targets, victims perhaps that nobody would feel bad about if they ended up dead. But something about it feels too simple. Yet it’s the only thing she’s come up with so far that makes any sense.

Ryunosuke asks if she’s certain her husband isn’t the one committing the murders. She has heard this question from others time and time again, and she feels instinctively offended by the suggestion. But, she also understands it’s a fair question for her friend to ask, especially when he barely knows anything about her husband. She explains he has a solid alibi. But more than that, she knows him well. He is many things. But he is no murderer. And she is grimly firm about that point.

He then asks if she has any idea regarding his hatred towards Japanese people. She doesn’t know. He wasn’t keen to tell her that information originally. She wasn’t even entirely certain there was a personal reason given the fact his type of bigotry is supported by people’s attitudes and prejudices in Great Britain. And yet... some of the things he said to her all those years ago made her think there was some sort of personal aspect to it. But what?

And, she thinks to herself, if it was personal, could that mean it was possible for him to eventually see reason and uproot that hatred in himself?

But she had learned the hard way that it’s up to people to change themselves. She couldn’t change him, no matter how hard she’d tried.

Eventually, once again, Ryunosuke and Susato have done all they can to prepare. And once again, the next day, the trial is underway. This time around, Natsume has been accusing of poisoning his housemate. Thankfully the victim survived, but now they’re accusing Natsume of being the person responsible. This will be an uphill battle to be sure.

This time, Alice watches the trial from the Prosecution’s side, albeit not especially close to the Prosecution bench. From a different angle, she can glean something of a different perspective, she thinks. The trial is tense, and eventually developments require matters to be suspended for the day.

She checks in on her friends, who have some more investigating to do to prepare for when things resume tomorrow. She wishes them well, and once again offers to be available should they need help.

She returns back to the Ward’s residence, not yet having received word back from her husband. He’s probably busy himself with his own preparations, she thinks.

But then later that day, a courier delivers a letter to her. Her husband would like to see her, and can met with her at her earliest convenience once the current trial has concluded. She prepares to send a reply back, considering before requesting to meet three days from tomorrow.

That should be enough time to prepare, she thinks. Both physically and emotionally.

The Next Day, the trial resumes, and runs its course to its conclusion. Natsume is found not guilty once again. It turns out the culprit is in fact the victim from the prior case, having been on a quest to seek revenge for her dead fiance, who was killed by the victim of the current case. Alice finds herself reflecting on her feelings. She understands the pain and despair over losing someone you love so much. She can even understand being angry at them, the instinct to lash out. But, as sympathetic as Green’s plight is, she cannot condone attempting to take another life as the answer. At least however, her fiance’s killer will now face consequences for his actions.

Alice lingers behind for a bit, seeing Ryunosuke, Susato, and her husband have stayed behind while everyone else leaves. She feels nervous about this circumstances, and opts to watch from behind her husband, ready to step in should he start attacking or disparaging her friends. Instead however, the conversation takes a turn she doesn’t quite expect, and is in fact... quite revealing.

She receives confirmation that her husband’s behavior is in fact personally motivated. That he was betrayed by someone he once considered a close friend. And that friend was Japanese. Though he deigns not to go into further detail than that. It offers some clarity for her, and yet the information leaves her with more questions than answers.

Eventually her husband takes his leave, but not before acknowledging that he was fully aware of her presence during the interaction. After he leaves, she goes over to her friends, and congratulates them for their victory, and offers an apology for what prejudice and poor treatment they and Mr. Natsume have suffered while here in Britain, particularly during the last two trials. Ryunosuke admits that it’s been rough, and frustrating to say the least. But, at least in her husband’s case, he can’t help but wonder now what the exact chain of events was to lead to how things are now. Who was this friend of his?

Alice would like to know that as well. She admits she finds herself frustrated by that information. For more reasons than not knowing the whole of it. But, the way Barok spoke of it seemed to indicate he may reveal that information in time.

Perhaps there is more for her and her husband to discuss than she initially anticipated.

Alice wishes them well and goes on her way, having a rather uneventful evening.

The next day, she receives a reply back from Barok, agreeing to her suggestion for a time to meet. Arrangements will be made for her to meet him at the Van Zieks’ family’s London manner, and to get there without drawing undue attention to herself.

The place she once called home. She finds herself a little nervous about that arrangement. But, it’s also one of the safest places for the two of them to meet. She agrees to the meeting.

Alice later has tea at the Holmes’ residence with Ryunosuke and Susato (Iris and Holmes occupied at the moment), and discusses the last case with her friends. It came up during the trial that the victim had a stash of riches, and she can’t help but wonder what the police found.

Ryunosuke suddenly straightens his posture, looking more alert as though an idea has suddenly occurred to him. He then tells her only one item was found: a jeweled dog collar with a strange ‘B’ emblem. It almost looked like a coat of arms. Alice raises an eyebrow. She asks to confirm that was indeed what they saw.

“It’s just... I think I may have seen something like that somewhere, but... I can’t remember where or under what circumstances. Perhaps while interacting with one of the other noble houses? It could be an item that belongs to one of them.”

Ryunosuke tells her the collar had blood on it, and that the item was immediately taken into police custody. Inspector Gregson was particularly hasty about it too.

Curious.

Perhaps Gregson knows who it belongs to? But if he was so hasty to take it away, he may not want to share who. The question would be then... why?

“Be careful, Ryunosuke. There’s a lot of rot and scandal hidden within London. And a lot of people want to keep it hidden. And will go to great lengths to do so. Even putting pressure on law enforcement.”

But a jeweled collar with a ‘B’ emblem... where did it sound vaguely familiar to her? Where did she last see such a thing?

“I would say that goes for you as well. You have to go to more trouble than most people to stay safe in London.”

“Point taken, dear friend. Let us both tread carefully then. But let us not shy away from the darkness either. I have a feeling that... that perhaps this is the beginning of more things to come. And we’ll face them, together.”

In Between The Natsume Cases and Gina Lestrade’s Case

-A More Proper (but tense) Reunion

[This part is kind of hazy at the moment. But, eventually Alice and Barok have their first meeting at their London manor. Tea and food is prepared for her, such that is particularly to her taste. Barok tries to use the conversation to glean how her time in Japan has been, where she is emotionally, how her time in Britain has been thus far, however short a stay it’s been yet.

She presses him on why he opposes the divorce, and he turns it around to ask why she wants a divorce in the first place. She’s reticent about giving him the full story (she doesn’t mention her main motivation was falling in love with someone else and wanting to be with them), but admits she was persuaded to pursue the idea after initially being reluctant on the matter. But ultimately, she asserts, she thinks it’s the right decision.

Barok isn’t very accepting of her answer. He believes her, but he also knows her well. Is she so sure? If it really was a matter of being persuaded, he asks her stop and think about whatever it is the other party has to gain from it. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time she was talked into something she ultimately wasn’t keen on for someone else’s benefit. At the very least, this is a very serious decision she should take more time in considering.

Now, Barok is in part saying this to try and stall matters (although he does mean it honestly as well, if she is being pressured, persuaded, she should take the time to consider if that what she really wants to do). The more time she mulls things over, the more of a chance he has to win her back, he thinks. She interprets this as him being patronizing, however, and tells him she has considered it (which she has, quite a bit).

“Have you really? I would advise you to consider it more, then.” And from there, he flat out refuses to have any discussion of divorce until she has.

This angers Alice, and she tells him to stop treating her like a child who can’t possibly be sure of her own decisions. He rebuts that he has done nothing of the sort. In fact, he’s trying to give her the space to in fact be certain her decisions are her own, and not someone else’s.

Things are tense for a bit, but things take a turn when he shifts to a softer tone, trying to show Alice that he bears her no ill will. In fact, he has missed her, terribly. He asks after her because he loves her, he asserts. And ultimately, that is why he can’t simply agree to the divorce. He cannot cut all ties so easily. Not without certainty that this is her unwavering course.

She relents, and says she’ll give it some time (though she’s certain in the moment she’s already made up her mind, but perhaps some extra time to think and prepare might in fact be needed and helpful). However, she tells him she doesn’t plan on staying in London in the long term, and her plan is to eventually return to Tokyo.

Barok acknowledges this. Internally, he realizes he can’t stall her for too long. He needs to do more than stall. He needs to be active if he wants to suceed in winning her over again.He does wonder if more is at play here than simple persuasion, but perhaps whether there is more going on will reveal itself in time. Even if it is just as she says... that worries him.]

-An Offer from The Devil

About a week and a half after the second Natsume case has concluded, Alice receives a telegram from Lord Chief Justice Stronghart, requesting to meet with her in his office. Alice feels her nerves begin to flare up. What does Stronghart want from her? Is this about her husband?

She eats breakfast and hails a carriage to see him, making sure to make it with enough time to center herself before meeting with him. She enters his chambers, and sees him ahead, conferring with a woman she doesn’t recognize. They seem to be having a rather tense discussion if the tone of their voices is any indication. Eventually, the conversation ceases however and attention turns to her.

Lord Stronghart greets her, welcoming her back to London and commending her on her punctuality. He then proceeds to question her about her studies, particularly what she did with her education while in Japan. She tells him that she picked up her education in Tokyo more or less where she left off in her studies at the University of London (and earlier Brighthart University, when she still lived in America). She had mostly completed her education and training, but still had to complete the last leg of her residency before being certified as a medical examiner.

He nods and looks at his companion for a moment. He then proceeds to chat with her a bit about Forensic Science, how he hopes to incorporate it more into police investigations in Great Britain, and make it an intergral part of the legal system. Alice finds herself growing increasingly suspicious as to what the nature of this meeting truly is. Eventually, Stronghart’s companion helps to redirect him after he seems to be going off on something of a ranty tangent.

Stronghart introduces Doctor Courtney Sithe, Chief Medical Examiner and the head of a new initiative of his, the Forensic Investigation Team. For a moment, Alice can’t help but be a little bit in awe. She’d heard stories of Scotland Yard’s first female coroner. But to actually meet her!

Although her cold affect tempers Alice’s starstruck status, bringing her back down to a more even and levelheaded state of mind. In fact, it may even seem like Dr. Sithe is distrusting of her. Why is that?

Stronghart goes onto say that he is working with Sithe to create a sort of sub team that will be handling more lower level cases, but will occasionally provide additional man-power to the main forensic team. And that is where he comes out with the purpose of his calling her here. He wishes to extend an invitation to her to join this sub-team as its main pathologist, while reporting to Dr. Sithe as her supervisor. Alice tells him she hasn’t completed her residency training this means she’s not certified, and she was planning on returning to Japan in the near future. Stronghart considers this. This may not be a problem as working with the team could fill in the necessary requirement. He would need to speak with the University of London and Imperial Yumei University, but he believes it can be done.

Alice finds herself briefly in shock. The chance to work with Scotland Yard as a coroner is literally right in front of her, practically presented on a silver platter. She is immediately tempted by the offer. But, something doesn’t feel quite right. This is Stronghart whose offering, and if what happened with Ryunosuke when they first arrived is any indication, she should definitely be wary of offers from him. There’s also Dr. Sithe’s mood about the whole matter. But there is another matter as well. Part of her conflict with her husband was over his objection to her desiring to join Scotland Yard, over his refusal to allow such a thing. She’s legally separated from him and can certainly accept the offer of her own accord. But, would he be able to have sway over whether she was able to remain? Would Stronghart withdraw the offer if her husband complained?

She expresses that it is a tempting offer. But she is not so sure he husband would approve of it. Stronghart dismisses her concern, citing that for the past seventeen years or so married woman have had the power to discuss business arrangements of their own accord. Besides, she’s legally separated from him now, isn’t she?And in the process of trying to obtain a divorce no less. He has no opinion on that matter, he assures her. He only cares about having a competent coroner on his team, and she is an ideal fit for the position.

Alice is startled for a moment, but then sighs. Of course Stronghart would know about that. Alice asks some questions about the position - how soon would she be starting (soonish, the day after tomorrow), what sort of equipment they have to work with, workload, etc. But then she asks about about some other members of the subteam who’ve already been assembled.

As it turns out, there will be another pathologist on the team, working as a sort of secondary head. Dr. Sithe’s daughter, the young protege Maria Gorey. Gorey will be alternating time between the two teams, but Stronghart hopes for Gorey to be spending more time with the secondary team. She’s mostly been trained by her mother, and he thinks she will benefit from working with others in her profession.

Dr. Sithe seems apprehensive about the idea, but doesn’t seem at liberty to object to it. Alice attempts to reassure her by telling her she’s taught and worked with others before in helping someone learn and hone technique (thinking of her time being a tutor/study buddy for Iris and a tutor for Ryunosuke). Plus, this is her specialization. She’s skilled, patient, and meticulous. Dr. Sithe responds a bit more positively to this reassurance, but tells Alice that she will wait and see what happens as things unfold.

A realization hits her. If she agrees to this and things panned out with the two universities, she’d probably be staying in on a more permanent basis.

Was that safe for her? Or wise?

Stronghart tells Alice he has a meeting soon (giving her a quite precise amount of time, in the manner Stronghart often does). Alice grits her teeth and accepts the offer, on the condition that she’s not sure she’ll be staying in Britain long term. She is still intending to return to Japan in the long term. Stronghart says he’ll need her for at least a year, in order for the secondary team to have enough time to prove its success or failure. And who knows? Perhaps she will be persuaded to stay longer. After all, working for Scotland Yard is certainly a prize for anyone in her profession. She goes on asking if there’s any additional preparation that’s needing before she starts. He says all of it can be taken care of on her first day of work.

And so, Alice is recruited as a Coroner for Scotland Yard, and works with a team of Forensic Investigators, particularly Maria Gorey. This team is separate from the main Forensic Investigation Team, and that fact will be important later in the story. (Particularly during the Albert Harebrayne Trial Shhhhhhh)

[Here I come to a bit I don’t have quite worked out in detail yet, but during the next month or so Alice works with the team, getting to know then and Gorey. Alice finds Gorey a bit unsettling and even infuriating at first (although she’s not scared of her like some other folks might be). But, she finds herself relating to her quite a bit. And feeling even envious of her a little. She’s around the age Alice was when she first came to Britain. When she was first persuaded to give up her studies to put herself on the marriage market for her Uncle’s political aims. But Maria is able to continue pursuit of her passion. But Alice made a choice back then. And ultimately, she doesn’t regret it. She wouldn’t have met the people who became important to her now otherwise.

She has a run in with Barok, expecting him to scold her for going against his wishes, or for him to have put in a complaint to try and get her off the team. He has done neither of these things. Her expresses disappointment and heavy worry over her choosing to join Scotland Yard. But, if she’s so insistent on doing so, he will do everything he can to support her and keep her safe while she’s in their employ. He also points out that it’s not her abilities he’s concerned with. He’s seen her study, and has watched her worked a time or two when coming to retrieve her from the University of London. He will absolutely vouch for her skills as a coroner. But he tells her to be wary or anyone and everyone within the judiciary. They cannot be trusted. She acknlowedes the warning. (Barok isn’t happy about this, but at the very least, it means she’ll be staying in London for longer than he initially anticipated. Which he is extremely grateful for.)]

- A Terrible Incident Brings Alice back Home

About two or three weeks before the events that precipitate the trial of Gina Lestrade, something terrible befalls Alice. One night, early in the morning hours, the Ward’s residence is broken into by a burglar. Alice, Agnes, and Agnes’ husband William attempt to stop them, but the burglar turns violent and attack the three. All three of them are injured in the struggle against the burglar, and eventually things become dangerous enough that Alice’s life and that of Agnes is threatened, and she must make the terrible decision to end her attacker’s life in order to perserve her own and that of her friends.

Agnes sustains the most serious injuries, needing to be rushed to the Hospital, with her husband sustaining the least. Alice’s injuries are somewhere in between. [Serious enough that she should be home on rest for a while to recover, but not serious enough to need a hospital right away. Exact injuries will be determined later.] Because the burglar was killed, eventually homicide is called just to confirm aspects of the incident. And as a result, when the police arrive, Gregson is among the group that arrives.

He sees Alice, and is the one to personally question her about the incident, including checking on her condition considering she just, well, killed someone. He also asks her a little bit about her being away and back in London, and the fact she’s staying somewhere other than the Van Zieks manor. Is something going on between you two? There are rumors...

“It’s not your business.”

He doesn’t press further. He goes on to tell her that her husband will be contacted about the matter. She nods and continues to answer questions for a bit. Eventually she’s left alone after receiving some first aid, however, sitting by herself in a bit of a haze.

Barok is called on his phone at the manor, usually reserved for work to inform him of the incident. He’s assured that while his wife is injured, she should be alright with rest. It’s also clear she killed her attacker in self-defense, so there don’t appear to be any concerns there. Still, he can’t help but tear off in a panic to come to her side.

Eventually, he finds her in the corner by herself. He’s not sure at first how to approach her, but tentatively offers her comfort (it’s going to be alright). He even reaches out a hand, and is surprised when she’s not only receptive but leans into the touch. He pauses a moment, before giving her a determined look. She won’t like what he’s about to say. But, it’s now neccessary in his eyes.

“I’m taking you home. You’re not safe here.”

She protests at first, but its a weak protest at best. He pleads with her to let him help. She eventually nods, and he looks her over to check her injuries. He asks if she can stand and walk on her own. She thinks she should be able to. But, her lack of balance and sudden exhaustion prove otherwise. He apologizes and says it will be better if he helps her home.

Leaning on him for support, he walks her to his personal carriage, and the carriage takes them back to the manor.

She stumbles out after him when they arrive, and he sweeps her up, opting to carry her in the rest of the way. He takes her to the guest room across the hall from the master bedroom, thinking she probably won’t want to sleep in her old bed. He tucks her in, undoing and stroking her hair when a maid walks in to ask if he needs help. He says he can handle things for now. But he appreciates the offer.

He makes sure her bandages are adequate, as well as tends to other needs and basically looks after her throughout the night, only really leaving to sleep for short periods of time in the room across. He can hardly sleep, even if her wounds aren’t more serious. But he tries to ensure that Alice rests as much as she can.

And thus, Alice comes to reside in the Van Zieks manor again. It was not where she wanted to be. But, as time advances, she discovers that it may in fact have been the perfect place for her to wind up.

She once called this place home. And for now, perhaps it was home again, in a sense.

The Trial of Gina Lestrade, between Games, and During the Initial Two cases of the Second Game (Part 3)

The Trial of Albert Harebrayne and The 8 Days of Hell (Part 4)

The Trial of Barok Van Zieks and Post Game Ideas (Part 5)

#any dialogue bits are more rough ideas than anything #i may have wrote the latter 1/3 in a hurry so i might need to do some editing for typos later #also once again this is long! thank goodness for readmores!#alice van zieks #tgaa #tgaa oc #barok van zieks #barok van zieks/oc #kazuma asogi #kazuma asougi #kazuma asogi/oc #kazuma asougi/oc

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tanenigiri · 2 years

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Review #15 - Cherry Magic (Volumes 1, 2, and 3)

Japanese title: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい (30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii)

Story and art: Yuu Toyota

English publisher: Square Enix

Number of volumes: 5 in English, 10 in Japanese (ongoing)

Apparently, life and love begin at 30.

(This review contains story spoilers.)

Going into this mini-project, I realized that “slice-of-life BL” isn’t as all-encompassing of a description of the works I’m covering as I thought it would be. One of the series I’ve already posted reviews of, Our Dreams at Dusk, doesn’t really fit into the typical BL classification, as while it has some BL elements, it’s more about the exploration of sexuality and LGBT dynamics rather than the romance. I used the “LGBT manga” tag for its reviews, and a few of the other series I’ll be covering later this month also fall into this area where they’re just “BL-adjacent” - they’re more accurately described as manga that delve into LGBT themes. I really enjoyed reading them and writing about them, so I’m more than happy to extend that “slice-of-life BL” description into works that aren’t necessarily BL.

And then there’s Cherry Magic, which breaks the convention of the other half of this project’s description - I don’t think it counts as slice-of-life at all since its central plot point involves something magical. When he turned 30, Adachi was suddenly granted the power of being able to read people’s minds whenever he comes into physical contact with them, and this turns out to be a result of him still being a virgin. Because of this power, he ends up finding out that Kurosawa, one of his workmates who’s popular in the office for his good looks and overall great personality, has a huge crush on him. The story then follows Kurosawa’s attempts to romance Adachi as well as the latter’s mostly hilarious reactions to it as someone with no past romantic experiences to work with.

Admittedly, I was initially turned off by the whole virginity aspect of the premise, as I thought this was going to be one of those stories that would ridicule Adachi for his inexperience. Thankfully that wasn’t the case, as while there were a few scenes that do touch upon this in these first three volumes - with the biggest one being a flashback - majority of the story approaches the topic by focusing on Adachi’s own insecurities rather than what other people think of him. I think that’s a great call, as it turns the story from Adachi’s journey of losing his virginity to Adachi’s journey of accepting himself for who he is, which also encompasses his views and insecurities about being in a relationship - and with another man at that.

And who he is is a really kind-hearted guy, which he himself doesn’t seem to realize. These first three volumes do a great job in showing this, with a bonus chapter even revealing that it’s this kind-heartedness that ultimately made Kurosawa fall for Adachi. But I think my favorite depiction of it is whenever it involves Rokkaku, one of the office’s newer hires. In a company trip that takes place in Volume 2, Rokkaku takes the seat next to Adachi in the bus, and he’s introduced as a life-of-the-party type of guy, which subsequently means that the closed off Adachi has a hard time getting along with him. Thanks to his power, Adachi finds out that Rokkaku is doing this to hide the fact that he’s feeling roadsick, and Adachi gives him medicine to help out.

We see another instance of this in Volume 3, when Rokkaku sleeps over with Adachi and Kurosawa in the former’s home. Adachi notices Rokkaku’s dexterity, and the younger officemate reveals that he was part of a dance club in school. When asked if he still dances, Rokkaku said that he had to let go of the hobby because of his job, but Adachi once again finds out the truth through his powers - Rokkaku hasn’t actually let go and dreams of being able to dance professionally again. Adachi doesn’t even think twice about encouraging him to pick up his hobby, which gives Rokkaku the idea to contact his old clubmates.

There are a few other reasons why I wanted to highlight these two events aside from showing Adachi’s kind-heartedness. The first is how both of these are only made possible because of Adachi’s power, which up to this point he’s mostly seen as a curse. In quite a number of instances across these three volumes, his power gives him the tools to help another person, but I think these two instances with Rokkaku do a better job in showing that there’s more to his power than just complicating his love life. But I do think that limiting these situations to just a few times per volume was a good call, as it could easily go down the route of Adachi taking advantage of this power to move up the ranks. Presenting these scenarios in between all of the times where Adachi’s power comes up because of Kurosawa’s affections is not only a nice way to give the story a breather, but it’s a more effective way of showing the reader that there’s more to Adachi’s character than this awkward and lonesome guy.

The second is how Kurosawa reacts to these interactions with Rokkaku, which is a good segueway to one other thing I wanted to talk about in this review. From the start of the story, Kurosawa is depicted as the ideal and perfect guy, as he not only has the looks, but he’s known to be the ace in the office’s sales department, and he’s also shown to be very friendly to pretty much all of his workmates. This is, of course, used as a setup for a deeper breakdown of his character, where we find some insecurity in how he thinks he’s only good for his looks and how he feels like he has to always maintain his front on being the cool and collected one. It leads to one of my favorite scenes in Volume 2, where Adachi realizes this after hearing his thoughts and internalizes that Kurosawa isn’t this perfect unreachable deity but is just as human as he is.

But Kurosawa’s humanity is made more apparent with his crush - or, rather, obsession - with Adachi. Aside from his thoughts about Adachi being quite intense, Kurosawa is shown to be the jealous type, and it’s in these two instances with Rokkaku where he makes it the most apparent. In the first, he finds a way to switch places with Rokkaku so that he can sit next to Adachi in the bus. In the second, when Adachi talks to him about Rokkaku and calls him "cute" for having such an out-there dream, Kurosawa is visibly shaken and gets very touchy with Adachi, who hears all of his jealous thoughts on the matter.

At first, I found it a bit worrying that they wanted to focus on this side of Kurosawa, but I think the story does a good job when it brings it up again in the context of Adachi thinking about Kurosawa’s confession in Volume 3. Aside from the usual hang-ups about both of them being guys, Adachi first goes through all of the things he finds alarming about Kurosawa - his jealousy, his possessiveness, his wild thoughts - and truly considers them before giving his answer. It even almost convinces him to reject Kurosawa, but he’s ultimately unable to deny that what he feels for him is much stronger than normal, and Adachi eventually figures out that he’s actually reciprocating Kurosawa’s feelings.

That’s where Volume 3 ends, and it’s a really interesting note to end on, since not only does it put them at the start of their relationship, but it also brings up several issues that both of them have to work through - not to mention the fact that Adachi has yet to tell Kurosawa about his power. While I initially had my misgivings, Cherry Magic turned out to be a great read so far, as it’s able to mix its humor with a very good character study in Adachi. His magical power might be the main draw of the story, but his character development is what sold it for me.

Random thoughts I couldn’t fit elsewhere:

My favorite chapter in these three volumes is the one where Adachi and Kurosawa are in the harbor taking photos of ships. It’s here where Kurosawa actually tells Adachi that he’s a very kind person - and it’s pretty apparent that this is the first time someone has ever said that to him - but it’s how Adachi reacts to it that really makes this scene work for me. He starts with his usual self-deprecation, even going as far as saying that he’s a “depressing person” to be around and admits that he closes off other people because of how he sees himself. But he turns that around and says that spending time with Kurosawa is what made him more confident and open around others, which of course catches Kurosawa off guard. Not only is it a great role reversal - Kurosawa is the one who’s rendered speechless by Adachi’s actions this time around - it also does a great job in contextualizing the relationship from Adachi’s point of view beyond his insecurities.

I have to bring up Fujisaki, one of Adachi and Kurosawa's officemates who does quite a bit in Volume 2. But, of course, what I want to point out is how, in Volume 3, she’s revealed to be a fujoshi who’s noticed what’s going on between Kurosawa and Adachi. I am 100% onboard having a character like this in the series as I know it’ll result in some hilarious reactions and dialogue, and I hope she finds out soon that her fantasies are closer to reality than she thinks.

These three volumes also have bonus chapters that feature Tsuge, Adachi’s friend from college who also ends up getting the mind-reading power, and Minato, a deliveryman who Tsuge ends up falling for. In the same vein as Hirano and Kagiura as well as Umino and Takenaka, I’ve ended up being just as invested in these two as I am of the main pair, as their dynamic might be simpler but is just as hilarious to watch. How they bond over the cat is really nice, and with Volume 3 setting up a connection between Minato and the main story - he was part of Rokkaku’s dance club - I can’t wait to see how their two stories intersect.

Thanks for reading! Cherry Magic is quite different from a lot of the other BL manga I’m covering for this project - and it’s not just because of it not being slice-of-life - but I appreciated it for its mix of humor and introspection so I wanted to include it. I have one more review lined up for the next two volumes, which I’ll post later this month.

#Cherry Magic #30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii #Yuu Toyota #Kiyoshi Adachi #Kurosawa Yuichi #Rokkaku Yuuta #BL manga #manga review #manga

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starglow-xx · 3 years

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(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

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cheri-translates · 3 years

Text

[CN] Victor’s Business Exhibition Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 企展之约, which has not been released in EN 🍒

[ This date was released on 16 July 2021 ]

After a meal on this weekend afternoon, I’m nestled on the sofa, watching a new episode of an anime.

MC: Hahahaha!

Watching the comical antics of the main character on-screen, I can’t help but laugh out loud.

“Whoosh--”

Hearing the rustling of papers from behind, I subconsciously shut my mouth, my line of sight flitting past the sofa and landing on Victor.

He’s sitting at the dining table, a look of concentration on his face while he reads a report. The small dining table is full of documents.

I had initially planned to watch movies with Victor at my place today. I didn’t expect him to be so bogged down with work lately, and unable to relax over the weekend.

MC: Victor, am I disturbing you? Why don’t you use the study room or my bedroom instead?

Without lifting his head, he props up the spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

Victor: Who was the one who wanted to “stick” together with me over the weekend?

MC: ...that’s true, but you’re focusing on work now.

He has no intention of continuing the conversation. Rubbing my nose guiltily, I head into the kitchen quietly. After cutting some fruits, I bring them over to the dining table.

MC: In that case, I’ll apologise to CEO Victor~

Sticking a toothpick into an apple slice, I bring it to him. He tilts his head up slightly, taking a bite from the apple in my hand.

From my peripheral vision, I spot an invitation card with the words “Elementary and Middle School Students” on it. Curious, I take a closer look.

MC: “Corporate Culture Exhibition for Elementary and Middle School Students”? Is LFG participating in the Corporate Culture Exhibition?

Victor: We received the invitation and haven’t decided if we’re participating.

MC: I see... I’ve never heard of this exhibition.

Victor: The government organised it this year.

Victor: The officials said that it’s meant to introduce elementary and middle school students to outstanding occupations and various career paths to help them establish their aspirations.

MC: This exhibition seems pretty meaningful. It’s beneficial to LFG’s business image too.

MC: Come to think of it, I wonder if little kids have an understanding of LFG, and what kind of impression they have of LFG?

MC: Oh yes! There was a news report on elementary and middle schoolers going on company tours. Does LFG want to organise a similar activity?

Ideas come one after another in my mind. I rattle on about my opinions, but Victor doesn’t express anything.

When I start making an inventory of the company tour for students, the pen in his hand pauses, and he lifts his eyes slowly.

Victor: I can consider the exhibition, but not the company tour.

MC: Why not?

His deep eyes sweep over the anime on the television screen before landing on me.

Victor: There’s already one very noisy kid in LFG.

In the end, Victor accepts the invitation to the Corporate Culture Exhibition. The exhibition commences as scheduled.

Out of interest, I offer my services to Victor. I become a volunteer responsible for decorations at the venue.

Seeing the detailed and vivid posters introducing various occupations in the exhibition hall, the LFG employees next to me are slightly awed.

LFG Employee A: It’s really nice that we have the chance to understand different occupations. When I was young, I thought there were only astronauts and scientists in the world.

LFG Employee B: Even if you only knew of those careers when you were young and decided on an aspiration, it might not become reality when you grow up. I wanted to be a dancer, but I’m doing something completely unrelated to the arts now.

LFG Employee A: That’s true. If it weren’t for the excellent pay in LFG, I’d probably be at my old home opening a second-hand bookshop and retiring early. Oh yes, MC, what did you want to do when you were young?

Getting pointed out suddenly while engrossed in their discussion causes me to be stunned momentarily.

MC: When I was young...

I blink, recalling somewhat faraway memories. Before I can ponder deeply, my phone rings - it’s a call from Victor.

Victor: Come to the café near the entrance of the exhibition hall.

MC: Now? What for?

Victor: ...what else can you do in a café? Play golf, amend proposals, go horse riding, drink coffee - which one do you think is the most suitable?

MC: ...to be honest, I can’t decide between the two options of “amend proposals” and “drink coffee”.

Victor: I ordered a custard cake. If you don’t come over, I’ll take it that you’re not interested.

MC: I’ll be there immediately!

After notifying those LFG employees, I turn around and head towards the café.

MC: Is this really okay? The others are still busy.

Victor: When did you have such a high sense of awareness? Who was the person who painstakingly learnt “Slacking Hacks” on the internet a few days ago?

MC: I was reading that for fun... I wasn’t planning to put it into practice.

Lifting my phone as I squeeze into the packed café, I notice that most of the people here are parents who are preparing to accompany their kids to the exhibition.

Victor: There’s still an hour till the exhibition begins. I’ve already told Goldman to inform everyone to take a break. In short, there’s no need to feel guilty, because...

Taking two steps into the café, I spot Victor at a glance as he sits at a table near the window calmly.

Seeing that I’m walking towards him, he puts down his phone gently, lifting his head to meet my eyes.

Victor: Aside from you, there’s another person who’s “slacking”.

Taken aback for a moment, I quickly react to the meaning in his words. My brows arch upwards as I take a seat.

MC: I didn’t expect to ever “slack” together with CEO Victor.

Elated, I pick up a fork and try a bite of the dessert in front of me. The custard melts in my mouth instantly, and it’s sweet and smooth.

MC: Delicious! As expected of CEO Victor’s pick~

Victor: Even delicious food can’t stop you from being talkative.

Right after saying this, he seems to stare at me fixedly, his expression slightly strange.

Just as I’m about to ask why he’s looking at me that way, he lifts up his coffee, his lowered eyelashes covering the smile in his eyes.

...am I overthinking things? Why do I feel as if he’s making a joke out of me?

Feeling puzzled, I notice a pen and a post-it booklet at the edge of the table.

MC: This is...?

A staff who is passing by takes a step forward, smiling as he explains.

Staff: This is a small event by our shop. You can write your hopes or suggestions for the children, then hang it on the “Hope Tree” near the door of the shop.

Struck with an idea, I pick up the pen and a post-it note.

MC: Victor, shall we write a few suggestions for the children too?

I tear a post-it note and give it to him. After staring at me in silence for a while, he suddenly reaches out his hand.

Victor: Give me one more.

MC: ?

MC: Does CEO Victor want to write a mini essay?

Ignoring my joke, he writes a sentence on each of the two post-it notes. He hands one to the staff, and stuffs the other one to me.

Bewildered, I sweep a glance at the post-it note given to the staff. The words “You only have one life” are written on it.

Lowering my head, I stare at the post-it note in my own hand. In an instant, I realise why he displayed such a strange smile earlier. There’s a short sentence written on the post-it note:

“Dummy, there’s custard on your cheek.”

??: Hello, could I trouble the two of you to help me with something?

My face reddens. After wiping the custard off my cheek with a tissue, I hear an unfamiliar female voice next to me.

Turning towards the sound, I see a lady standing beside me with two small boys.

Woman: I need to use the washroom, but bringing two boys with me isn’t really convenient. Could I trouble the both of you to take care of them for a while?

I ask for Victor’s opinion with my gaze, and he responds with a slight nod. Understanding this, I nod at the mother.

MC: Of course we can.

While thanking us, she gets the two children to sit at both ends of the table before hurrying off.

The table now comprises of the four of us - two adults and two children. The air gets filled with an inexplicable, thick awkwardness.

Victor looks at me. I look at the kids. The kids look at Victor... Clearing my throat, I decide to break this strange atmosphere.

MC: Kids, how old are the both of you?

Kid A: Mommy said that we can’t give personal information to strangers!

MC: ...

I didn’t expect to be given the cold shoulder the moment I opened my mouth. I release an embarrassed laugh.

MC: Personal information... You can use such advanced terms. You’re so smart haha.

A soft and low chuckle drifts to my ears. I glance at Victor as he picks up his coffee with a blank expression, staying uninvolved in the matter.

The other boy suddenly widens his eyes and leans towards me, pointing at my volunteer name tag and reading it aloud.

Kid B: L! F! G! Do you two work in LFG?

MC: Well...

I ponder over this. LFG is the investor of my company, and Victor is the CEO of LFG. So...

MC: I guess so.

Kid B: In that case, what are the two of you doing here? Did you sneak away?

MC: ...

Although these are unintentional words from a child, I avert my eyes guiltily. At this point, the kid who behaves like an adult speaks loudly.

Kid A: That’s impossible! Mommy said that everyone who works at LFG are really incredible people! They won’t sneak away!

Victor: Cough...

Victor pauses his sampling of the coffee. As though he choked on something, he clears his throat.

Kid B: Really?

The kid blinks his eyes as he waits for our response.

Victor’s expression is a little unnatural. He picks up a newspaper from a rack near the window, immersing himself in it.

Seeing him like this, he probably recalled the earlier conversation we had on “slacking” as well.

It’s rare to see Victor being choked up by someone. A little demon with horns suddenly appears in my heart.

I can’t help but laugh inwardly while turning to the kids.

MC: You’re correct. The employees from LFG never sneak away. We were talking about work-

MC: Right, Vic?

[Note] In CN, MC calls Victor “小李” (“xiao li”, which translates directly to Little Li).

Saying this, I wink at the person opposite me.

Victor arches his brows, astonishment in his eyes. Without waiting for him to speak, I immediately do a “stop” gesture with my hands.

MC: The previous proposal for the show is too conservative. There aren’t any highlights, and it isn’t clear who the target audience is. It might be a waste to show it during prime time.

Adjusting my posture, I clasp my fingers on the table, mimicking VIctor’s tone and expression.

MC: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

Kid A and B: Wow...

Awed gasps from the kids drift to my ears. I straighten up with pride, tilting my chin towards Victor.

He stares at me with a calm gaze, his eyes gradually illuminated with an unreadable, dense light.

He lowers the newspaper slightly, blowing the coffee in his hand gently and unhurriedly.

Victor: Are you sure these are the only problems, Miss CEO?

Victor: I've also “reflected” much on that proposal, and there are some problems I haven’t had the chance to tell you about.

Victor: Since you brought it up, I have no choice but to do a “self-reflection” here.

Victor’s tone is composed, and there isn’t a ripple in his expression. As compared to my pretentious posture, he’s laid-back and natural.

Victor: The theme of the show is too general and lacks a segment which stirs the audience.

Victor: The structure also has the shadow of previous shows. A change in form but not substance - it’s a little unoriginal.

Victor: A scandal broke out yesterday involving one of the guests for the show. A replacement guest has not been decided upon.

Victor: Also...

MC: Stop! I... I get it!

He leans against the back of the chair, a teasing glint in the depths of his eyes.

Victor: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

MC Tonight, tonight! I’ll definitely submit it tonight!

I reply instantly, my voice carrying with it some alarm. The corners of his lips hook upwards, and he retracts his “overbearing” aura.

Victor: I’ll wait and see.

I heave a sigh of relief, then feel a dryness in my mouth. Lowering my head to take a sip of coffee, I see the disappointed gazes of the two kids.

My cheeks flush. Just as I’m about to say something to salvage some pride, their mother returns, thanking us while taking them away.

I glare at Victor indignantly. He chuckles softly, then clasps his fingers together on the table just like I did earlier.

Victor: I look forward to your next “challenge”.

After the exhibition ends, Victor and I leave work early.

The weather is really nice today. We pick a restaurant nearby, planning to head there on foot.

Dusk hangs low, and a misty pink evening mist smudges the sky.

Perhaps due to how smoothly the exhibition went, little emotions surface in my heart.

Beneath this beautiful sky, how many young aspirations and lives took flight earlier?

Victor: Why are you just standing there in a silly daze? Aren’t you hungry?

Retracting my thoughts, I see that Victor has stopped in front of me, his body turned to the side as he looks at me.

I hurriedly catch up to him, pulling on his arm.

MC: Victor, why did you write “You only have one life” on the post-it note today?

Victor: It’s true that you only have one life. Even an elementary student knows this principle.

MC: ...that’s not what I meant. I’m asking about what’s implied in it. For instance, are you asking the kids to seize the day and work their hardest?

His gaze lands on me. Seeing how serious I look, he slows down his pace slightly.

Victor: If you were to meet your childhood self, would you tell her to work her hardest?

MC: Mm... it’s difficult to say. I might tell her what to do in order for the current me to be even happier?

Victor: And that the reason why you can’t use an overly objective and rational principle to teach others.

Victor: It’s a desirable trait to work their hardest so that there won't be any excuses to stop in their footsteps.

Victor: But this doesn’t mean that everyone must have the goal of working their hardest.

Victor: After all, every person expects different things from themselves.

Victor: Not everyone wants to stand at the peak.

Victor: As compared to looking down from a mountaintop, there are some people who wish to happily and simply appreciate the scenery along the way.

Victor: This might sound simple, but being an ordinary person isn’t easy.

Victor: “You only have one life” - this phrase has many meanings in different contexts.

I’m stunned for a moment. I initially thought that Victor’s words were meant to be a motivational quote, and didn’t expect for him to have such thoughts.

Even when he’s faced with young children, he doesn’t wish to give a fixed answer on the basis that he’s a mature adult.

My lips curl upwards, and I can’t help but stick a little closer to him.

MC: You’re right. After all, aside from people who stand at the peak, there are even more ordinary people.

MC: Ordinary people have one life too. They need to cherish it properly, and do what they want to do.

MC: CEO Victor, I’ve learnt something from you!

Clasping my hands together, I bow in mock seriousness. An almost indiscernible smile lifts the corners of his lips.

MC: Come to think of it, I had so many aspirations when I was young. Lawyer, teacher, police officer, judge... I didn’t expect to become a producer in the end. Perhaps in a parallel universe, there’s a me who became a lawyer, teacher or judge!

The scene from the café flashes across my mind, and I burst into laughter.

MC: I might even be a CEO! What do you think?

After I say this, Victor turns his head and gives me an amused glance.

Victor: I think you do behave like a CEO.

MC: It’s because I’ve been influenced after spending such a long time by your side~ Returning to the topic - what was your aspiration when you were young? To become a powerful business tycoon?

Victor: ...have you ever heard of a child having such a pragmatic dream?

MC: In that case, tell me about it?

He doesn’t respond, and simply keeps his eyes faced front. No matter how much I probe, he doesn’t speak.

The sweet fragrance of desserts wafts into my nose. Following the scent and turning to the bakery near the roadside, I’m struck with an idea.

Since I can’t crack this difficult question in a straightforward manner, I decide to adopt the process of elimination.

MC: A baker?

Victor: ...

A signboard with the words “Watchmaker Shop” enters my vision, and I immediately look at him.

MC: A watchmaker?

MC: The boss of a lottery shop?

MC: ...director of a zoo?

Throughout the journey, I rack my brain and ask him about all sorts of occupations. However, it’s clear that none of them are correct.

Finally, we stop in front of a crosswalk, waiting for the red light.

Looks like I won’t be able to get any answers from him today. Disappointed, I let go of Victor’s arm, releasing a soft “hmph”.

MC: Aren’t you curious if there was a choice and you weren’t the CEO of LFG, and if I weren’t a producer...

MC: What would our identities be? Would we meet? And what kind of a relationship would we have?

The red man at the other end of the road suddenly turns green, signalling for us to move forward.

My hand, which had drooped to the side, is lifted up gently by someone. His broad palm conveys a comforting temperature.

Victor: There’s nothing to be curious about.

The crowd flows past in an endless stream on the crosswalk. Their footsteps are hurried, and the tips of their feet point in different directions.

I look at the person beside me. His gaze is resolute as he holds my hand, taking large strides towards the restless crowd.

He seems to sense my gaze. Lowering his head slightly, the light in his eyes is deep and scorching.

Victor: The life that I want to choose most is already in my hand.

[ MOMENTS ]

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: Could we cancel tonight’s reservation at the restaurant? I really want to go straight home to sleep...

Victor: Eating is a necessity. The location will be changed to your home.

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: As long as I’m hardworking enough, nothing’s impossible!

Victor: Working hard to make yourself even more stupid?

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: I solemnly vow not to do such things again.

Victor: This vow better count before you start on the next anime.

🍰 Call: here

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc victor #hNNGHGH MY HEART

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alfredolover119 · 3 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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