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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 3 months

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I had a fic idea and logically the first step seemed to be to make a timeline of canon and. Like. I knew. I knew. But still.

#this is why I write Crackfic #so there’s so much else going on that the timelines don’t even matter #crying inside rn #if anyone happens to know where I can find a good timeline of dc I will love you forever

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rooksunday · 8 days

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when the coruscant guard toured their new barracks, they immediately clocked a problem.

“where are the rest of the bunks?” stone asked, looking between his datapad of assignments, and the last of the dozen bunkrooms.

even sleeping two to a pod, with four pods to a room— even hotbunking, like they were going to have to if the ‘suggested’ shift schedule was correct— there simply weren’t enough beds.

thorn grimaced. “we could give up the rec room and mess.”

“and eat where? and we need at least one room for sitting in and staring into the middle distance,” stone countered. they’d been doing a lot of the latter that day already.

with a conceding shrug, thorn turned to fox, who had been increasingly stiff and silent as the inspection had continued. stone couldn’t blame him. the building that the senate had ‘generously provided’ appeared to be held together by force of habit and spite; stone could relate, but he didn’t want to spend a war there.

“what are you thinking, sir?” stone prompted fox. the vod was always thinking something. that was his problem.

fox shook his head slightly, as if stepping out of deep water. he hummed.

“i saw something on the holonet… leave it with me,” he said.

after fox had left—marching with determination toward the broom cupboard he’d claimed as a an office—stone turned to face thorn, who was already looking at him with a particular tilt to his visor.

“on the holonet?” thorn repeated. “have you got any idea what he’s talking about? all he looks at on there is conspiracy theories and pictures of tookas.”

stone slowly shook his head. “i’m sure it’ll be fine. i’m sure it’ll be… fine.”

the guard moved in. they made it work. what other option did they have?

six weeks after landing on coruscant, fox burst into the commanders’ shared bunk with something fluorescent streaked across his armour and the stench of burnt feathers in his wake. he’d lost his helmet somewhere. stone had been cleaning his armour and threw the cloth at fox in instinctive reaction, but fox just batted it away.

“what the kark, sir?” stone spat out, heart thick in his throat.

“whuzzat?” thorn mumbled as he rose to a sit. “fox, you stink.”

“of victory,” fox countered. he stalked across the room and thrust and vial of smoking … something… to stone. “here, drink this.”

stone’s eyebrows rose. “no? sir?”

“is it tasty?” thorn asked, sleepily.

fox produced another vial from his utility belt and held that one out to thorn. he popped the cap with his thumb. smoke boiled out, glittering like dust motes. this vial was presented to thorn.

“i put honey in yours,” fox said.

of course he did.

but if fox was handing mysterious vials to thorn, he probably wasn’t planning to kill them all. probably. besides, it had been a long assignment and the war wasn’t going anywhere. the chancellor wasn’t going anywhere. stone took his vial, and saw thorn take his.

“well. cheers, i suppose,” he said, catching eyes with thorn, who rose his vial in turn.

between them, fox danced from foot to foot like he’d drank too much water before a long shift. his attention flickered between stone and thorn as they drank. his eyes were bright and he kept making and unmaking fists at his sides. he looked like a tubie waiting for their first live fire drill.

stone drank.

“huh. that doesn’t—“

then things got really kriffed up.

cody rubbed at his comm as if that would help comprehension.

“say again? some interference on my end,” he said.

the tiny blue rex rubbed the bridge of his nose. “tookas, vod. hundreds of tookas. they’re all over the senate building. they’ve herded the chancellor into his office and are blocking the hallway. no one can move them. the optics would be terrible.”

“where did they come from? can’t the coruscant guard take care of it?” cody didn’t want to assign fox to animal crowd control, but wasn’t protecting the senate his job? an invasion probably counted.

“that’s the problem. one of the tookas… it knows dadita.”

“excuse me, captain. did you say there’s a tooka that knows dadita?” general kenobi asked, leaning in to see rex. he’d been working on the other side of the office on the negotiator; sound didn’t have far to travel.

“that’s right, sir.”

“fascinating. what did it have to say for itself?”

rex shifted his weight. he looked off-camera. “it said, ‘tell cody i’m the kar— i’m still the smart one’. sir.”

silence weighed heavily in the room. cody scratched his nose and turned the message over for a second time. a third. an eleventh.

“therefore you believe that this tooka—“

“is commander fox, sir, yes,” cody said, so rex didn’t have to.

“fascinating,” kenobi said again.

“yes, sir,” rex said, his tone implying that fascination wasn’t really the problem. “and also— excuse me, sirs, one moment.” his voice became louder as he looked off-cam again, and his brow furrowed. “did someone give fox’ika a lightsaber? why is it red? what do you mean, you found it in the chancellor’s office?”

cody met his general’s eyes, and suspected his own were as wide.

blast it, fox was the smart one.

#sat here about to ask why there weren’t more animal transformation fics then remembered i have two thumbs #halfway through the third paragraph i changed tense to past and that’s how i knew it was gonna get longer #fox spent his entire time on kamino telling cody he was the smart one and cody was the pretty one #cody refuted that #because he was pretty AND smart #coruscant guard #commander fox #crackfic #rook writes things #star wars #the clone wars #corrie monster bingo

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oh-allie · 2 months

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shakespeare and swooning

alhaitham x g/n reader

synopsis; you read one shakespeare play and now you want to impress your "buddy" alhaitham with your newfound knowledge !! what could go wrong?

fluff, g/n reader, TOTAL CRACKFIC, OOC alhaitham, SWEARING, kind of a modern au ???? i mention "ringing tighnari" but that could just be imagined as using the akasha terminal !!!! didnt write this with a modern au in mind

warning ‼️ PLEASE dont expect this to be accurate, if youre a big classic literature fan then dont attack me for not being a NERD ☹️ just imagine a poser using their fancy words (because they think its cool)

you know how libraries are supposed to be a place of study and tranquility? no the fuck you don't, or at least you don't care, because running through the house of daena with shakespeares, "romeo and juliet," in your hands is NOT very tranquil.

multiple poor akademiya students look at you, PISSED OFF because your shoes are going clu-clonk on the marble floors, which wouldn't be an issue if you weren't scurrying through the library.

is that kaveh ?? he's giving you the same look he gives alhaitham every day ..

... but this is IMPORTANT !! you're on a MISSION right now !! you just finished reading the first act of "romeo and juliet," and you're convinced your brain has expanded tenfold in size.

you're now rushing to your good pal haitham to share your knowledge! how kind and gracious!

you're stopped before his house, you've known him for long enough and gotten close enough for him to let you come in whenever. you know kaveh isn't home, and haitham would never purposefully work overtime, so you're certain you can get his attention and show off in peace.

why are you so adamant about showing off to alhaitham? is it REALLY showing off, or are you trying to, heehee, impress him?? its too late to be flustered at this thought because you already unlocked the door with the spare key kaveh leaves behind one of haithams ugly ass decorative plants and you've taken off your shoes and oh god hes right there and the sunlight from the door is lighting up his face in that way that only happens to him and hes looking at you with a suprised, slightly annoyed, but incredibly fond look and oh no what was your plan again?

"greetings, alhaitham! ☝️🤓" you say, finding a surge of confidence remembering the story you read.

"... hey. what are you doing here?" his response is quick but before you respond he continues, "did you just say greetings?"

"indubidibdibdly! hath you be surprised?" you pretentious hipster. you think youre SO cool, but unfortunately your little crush doesn't seem very impressed either.

"okay, what are you doing? you're being weird." he's not even looking at you, and he's back in his chair before you can rush over and sit on the couch. "is something wrong? should i get tighnari to give you a checkup?"

you'd be touched by the care of the suggestion if he wasn't so cheeky in his tone.

"wha, what, no?! no what the hell- stop ringing tighnari."

"are thou o'er wrought with admiration?" you grin, somehow still under the impression that you sound cool.

he gives an eyebrow raise to that. not bothering to mark his place in his book, he stands up.

"i lie testy in why you act so unpregnant, my dear."

"what"

HUH ? what did bro just say ? testy ???? unpregnant ?? MY DEAR ??? backtrack again, UN-WHAT ??

"be still my beating heart, thou hast taken mine with absolute cunning." is he making fun of you i genuinely can't tell ... its like hes speaking in moon runes right now.

"haitham, heheh, WHAT are you DOING ??" you can't help but laugh at his funny little words, magic man. even if you're clueless to what he just said to you.

"whatever doth thou mean?" he's totally making fun of you !! after ALL your effort to impress him too?

"well, usually i do all the ranting and you sit pretty and listen, so it's weird that you're talking so much, especially like THAT?" fym sit pretty ....

"when words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain." that sounds familiar, but you can't think about it longer before he continues, "shall i compare thee to a summers day?"

"ALRIGHT, i recognize that one, dummy." you laugh, "were you really not impressed by me?" you whisper, the rush of embarrassment you shouldve felt in that library is finally catching up with you.

he stares at you for a second. you just wish you could find out what hes thinking up there, if you could even understand it.

and then he lets you into his mind, with a simple "i love you." as if alhaitham, renowned scribe of the akademiya, top student, couldn't find the words to describe how he felt for you.

or maybe that was what he felt for you. he loved you.

"... you called me unpregnant."

a/n; i read romeo and juliet like... 3 years ago.... so.. uam... 😇😇 totally accurate! hope this crackfic style of writing isnt too niche so this doesnt flop because EMBARRASSING....... do people even like al haitham anymore like guys lets go back to the good old days before the FRENCH came in..... (this is just me projecting cause i havent played genshin in a while and i still lovelove sumeru)

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colby-jac-cheese · 2 months

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Oh no. Oh no Oh no. . . I'm redesigning for the fanfic I've had to put on hiatus. . . I can't get sucked into them again, I still don't have a computer!

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mishkakagehishka · 2 years

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Can u pls wirte a fic between Shu enstar and a roomba

Their bond was a strong one. It always has been. When Shu had nobody (except for that useless Kagehira), he had him... Roomba.......

After his execution, Shu was broken. Gutted. Never has he felt such humiliation, such shame! Nito - beautiful, sweet, dear Nito - had even left Valkyrie! How horrible! How utterly disgraceful he has become, nay, Valkyrie has become! Kicked off their throne, forced to lie upon the remains of their glory, the reliquiae reliquiarum olim magni et inclyti regni Valkyriae, of what once was. Forced to watch that dreadful debasement of what an idol is, as that arrogant Tenshouin crowned himself Emperor with Shu's crown, as he played like a child plays pretend, yet he was believed! He was touted as the king of Yumenosaki - what hogwash! Oh, Shu could cry, no, he could die just thinking about the degradation of art. How could this have happened? It was all Tenshouin's fault.

But, truly, in all tragedies, hope is found. For what is a tragedy, but a chance at a new beginning? After Romeo and Giulietta's death, the Montecchi and the Capuletti joined, forgiving one another and leaving their anger in the past. With the death of all at Kronborg in Helsingör, what was rotten in Denmark was uprooted, a chance given to start anew.

And like that, Shu's execution, Shu's locking himself in his room, with none but Mademoiselle (and that wretched Kagehira... can't he go home already?!) to keep him company... but there was another. Yes, Roomba. Sweet, sweet Roomba. Who never spoke a word, mute - just like Nito once was. Obedient, if a little clumsy. Who made sure Shu's surroundings were clean, so he didn't have to sneeze and have allergic reactions to dust when he was already broken. Yes, Roomba.

Their bond deepened during that time. And they were now inseparable. With the War long behind them, Shu kept Mademoiselle on one arm, his trusty Roomba on the other. It deserved to be carried elegantly, after all it's done for him. Oh, beautiful, darling Roomba! How he loves it so, how he adores it so! When he, when Valkyrie, ascend to the throne of Yumenosaki - the idol industry! - once more, he'll make sure Roomba is the one at his righthand side. Roomba, Roomba, Roomba, his beloved who saved him from the inelegant dung of failure. Truly, it was the least it deserved.

#i'm p sure that latin saying specifically is not even known outside of my country bc i replaced Croatiae with Valkyriae there.#like it's very specific ab my area post-ottoman conquest. that said i'm happy to have found out that Valkyrie in latin is the same #declension as Croatia bc looking up ''valkyrie in latin'' is the extent of my research for a crackfic #(which is why i wrote giulietta btw i couldn't remember the english word for montecchi so i just went fuck it italian it is)#uh. yeah this is going in the main tag lmfao #ensemble stars #crack fic #actuwlly fuck it i'm tagging this as #my writing

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qprstobin · 5 months

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the problem with coming up with silly verging on crack fun headcanons is that then when youre back to writing your actually thought out and meticulously characterized fic you suddenly have to separate yourself from the nonsense. like my harrington parents headcanons have gotten so insane bc of the stobingang, and im actually trying to work on home back to you again and reminding myself that no the harringtons here are normal neglectful parents

#writing tag #walkie chatter #idk why i keep trying to use my star wars tags on this blog lmaooo #at this point maybe i do need to just write the crackfic that is so ridiculous im not sure i can publish it under my own name lmao

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shitty-eyepocalypse-domains · 2 years

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spiral domain that doubles as a fun little piece of writing:

you are taking a long walk in the woods. the woods are getting... different.

at some point your math teacher or your geeky dad or some girl on youtube--someone told you that fractals are everywhere in nature. hidden in every plant, woven into the bones of the universe. here, those bones are... nearer the surface, mathematically angled joints pushing through the skin of these woods. it shows in the branching patterns of the trees and plants. the angles are too precise to be real. you touch a tree and it is not plastic. it is not wood either. it gives under your touch and the tree's whole spindly fractalizing body ripples. the colors around you are too sweet and the sound you hear is definitely not the wind in the branches... it is like singing, but not at all like that which comes from throats. it is getting louder, the trees' limbs cracking like knuckles as they grow more and more angular, the colors getting brighter and light coming from places that are not the sun as the ground begins to curl in on itself like a collapsing dream, like a fibonacci spiral--wake up! wake up! you are so lost... was there ever a path? the music--the sound? the song? whatever it is, it fills your head leaving no room for anything else.

run!

or sing harmony if you like. the choice is yours. run from this place and its shifting fractal skeleton or become a bone yourself.

Holy sweet Jesus this was amazing, thank you. I love that yall are aspiring authors (cause so am I) and I love when you go off on a domain cause they slay.

#jonathan sims #the magnus archives #the archivist #tma #tma podcast #the eye #the eyepocalypse #shitty eyepocalypse domains #shitty eyepocalypse domain submission #the spiral #esmentiras #the distortion #michael shelley #helen richardson #i say aspiring because when talking about me in specfic i never actually write anything smh #yeah its a problem whoops #its why so much of my shit is crackfic i can only write when im not expecting it to be brilliant #well thats enough trauma dumping for today friends :p

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zyrafowe-sny · 1 year

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I think I am going to override my better judgment and attempt to write while loopy because somehow that seems easier than consuming most media (holding thoughts inside my head is hard but writing lets them out). Not going to submit anything today (though for want of a glove didn’t turn out too badly despite being a product of insomnia), but maybe I can turn the loopiness into crackfic progress (as much as I want to finally wrap up my Hunter & Vee fic). And maybe I can channel Lilith for the first time - wish me luck!

#feel free to share any thoughts around Lilith joining an MLM or MLMs in general #or headcanons about concealment stones and why they don't get used more #no this was not my idea #my writing #the owl house #my fanfic #why can't I ignore worldbuilding for crackfics #lilith clawthorne #concealment stones #mlms

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ri-afan · 1 year

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I wanna urge the fan fiction writers of the world to at least attempt to write a summary.

Most of the time whenever you don’t and you just say that’s a bad story I look at the tags and try to give you the benefit of the doubt and read it anyway without a clue of what else I’m going to be stepping into, but honestly if you tell me three different times in the shortest ‘description’ of your story that it’s not worth my time, I might get to the point where I just scroll along anyway and not want to deal with trying to figure out if you’re unnecessarily insecure or disappointingly lazy.

Bare bones is better than degrading your time and effort.

#Fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #summary #tags are not summaries #and you wonder why English teachers always made you write summaries in school #I didn’t ask if it was the shittiest crackfic you’ve ever dreamt while sleep deprived one night instead of doing your work #I ‘asked’ you what it was about #tell me what it’s about you fools

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cursedchildofchaos · 1 year

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Again, read at your own risk!

The brisk air makes the hair on my arms stand up. I fiddle with the zipper of my jacket. My hands fumble. With an exasperated sigh, I give up. My pocket watch tics. I take it out of the jacket to see; she's very, very, very late.

I turn to leave, but my eyes land upon a bloodied figure. Her eyes are tired. Her smile is worn, almost nonexistent…like the Mona Lisa.

But there is one big difference between this woman who stands before me and the Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa doesn't have a sword. Even so, she might as well be the Mona Lisa to me. Hell, she might as well be Venus herself.

I feel my lips quirk up, betraying me and my rage.

"You're late," I try to say, menacingly.

"You don't mind. You never really do," she retorts. "Besides, aren't I worth it?"

I avert my gaze with a "Hmph."

"I'm sorry, but I had to fight against Tumblr Live. They're ruining the site," she explains.

"Tumblr Live?" I question, still not understanding it even though it's been on the news for weeks.

"Yeah, you have to make sure to turn it off. So, I did," she informs.

That explains why her sword is stained red.

"Oh," I say with a nod. I still don't get it, but at this point, I'm too embarrassed to ask.

"Forgive me, OP?" she asks as she drops her sword and approaches me.

My face heats up as she gets close. My heart pounds. She smells of potpourri. I melt.

"Of course, I forgive you, my beautiful, Sword Lady. How could I not?"

She takes my hand and drags me off, down the wintery streets. Every date with her feels like an adventure.

#did i write a reader x sword lady crackfic...maybe #crackfic #sword lady #also i am really confused about tumblr live #op x sword lady #i am a terrible horrible person with a terrible horrible sense of humor i am sorry #sorry not sorry #tw language #winter date fic #why am i like this i ask no one in particular #reader x character #please don't take this seriously #tw cursed #me and who #me and sword lady that's who XD #jk jk jk why am i doing this XD #tumblr ad

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shepardyke · 2 years

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*gets high to write stoner enid*

#okay so crackfic but not really but like its so unserious that its my baby #just a dumb fucking thought i had TWO days ago that i think was really funny TO ME its wenclair OBVI #like i cant just ignore the fact that there's a clique called STONERS.. enid is friends with ajax she has gotten high at LEAST once #wednesday is her trip sitter 🤭🤭🤭🤭#very specific scene in my head where enid gets the munchies so they go out to hunt a deer....#GUYS IT"S GONNNA BE SOOOOO GOOD... ENID OFFERS WEDNESDAY A BLEEDING HEART FOR GODS SAKE...#it'll be so bad but like in a jesus christ thats so bad and dumb but i love it... AND I DO #AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS #but yes i had the epiphany to get high to write enid high like why try to remember the feeling of it when i could just be it...#okay rant done teehee im little

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morepopcornplease · 2 years

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currently obsessed with the deer family dynamics in Bambi

#if that’s NOT his dad then why is Bambi the Young Prince??#if that IS Bambi’s dad then why doesn’t his mom ever introduce him or refer to him as such???#is Bambi a universally recognized bastard child??#I wouldn’t be HALF so confused if not for the fact that Bambi is FULL of little childhood morality tales #anyways might commission a furry to write a crackfic XD #bambi #disney #anyways you should watch Bambi for just… the ART #my jaw literally DROPPED at how gorgeous the opening shot was

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deus-ex-mona · 2 years

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today, too, i cry over proxy services… _(:3 」∠)_

#why does my regular album always go missing in the proxy warehouse </3 first ft4 now this…#i’m hoping the ‘complain online till it magically manifests’ tactic works this time lmaoooo #i give them till the upload of the next make a holiday event chap to manifest my album before i send an sos report to customer service </3 #maybe i should write another crackfic to manifest the album… just like how my daimegu crackfic manifested my ft4 album…#but i mean it’s not like i *need* the album i already bought it via itunes… *dammit* _(:3 」∠)_#inedible blubbering #zenryoku na aiyuu ga kawaii #aueiieueueueueue thinking about the albums got me thinking about the ft4 album again…#i just wanted the dai keychain/sticker/anything to have ar dai talk to me but i got for bothhhhh #i’m still salty about it. like reallyyyyyy? 2 yuis? at least gimme some variety man. it’s not like the yuis can talk to each other…#i still have regrets about not buying the set of dai album merch i saw for like $25 online… s o b s #dang this got wayyy off topic… sads… _(:3 」∠)_#if you read this far into the tags👀👀 pls tell me i’m not the only sad sack with unfortunate proxy experiences lmfaooooooo

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galaticrow546 · 2 years

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Thats right mutuals and followers im a omori fan

I dont know why I wrote this but eh I had a lot of fun writing this

#kel omori #hero omori #crackfic #I have no idea why I wrote this but here we are #my writing #god help me #im very shy and nervous to post this here ksjehwkwbauajwvdijaa #writing

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sharky-the-idiot · 8 months

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anybody else just write a fanfic so bad that you're scared to write any more in that specific genre of fanfic because the fanfic you made was so shit

That's how I feel everytime I remember that one fanfic that I will not share :33

#GOD WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA????#Now I'm scared to write ship fanfics #that aren't crackfics #it was a year ago too #starts sobbing uncontrollably because i remembered it #GOD GET OUT OF MY MEMORIES

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jet-bradley · 1 year

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honestly it does make me feel a certain way that nothing i ever write will get as much recognition as a crackfic i wrote for the fucking top gun fandom

#1.2k hits #191 kudos #entirely too many bookmarks #7!!! people subscribed even though it is a ONE-SHOT #literally 3 times as many bookmarks as my next most bookmarked fic #its not a good story #it is only written marginally legibly #i have genuinely better things (including crackfics) and they dont compare to this thing #and its all because of people who wanna fuck a 50 year old scientologist #genuinely disheartening imo bc why even try to write about things i actually like

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