#this is the most canon i will ever write him btw. i am dragging him kicking and screaming into being a better person
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actually. fuck it. bro strider 4channer to furry pipeline:
his first fursona is one that he makes as a joke. its a smuppet and for maximum irony it's drawn in the mlp style. no one *really* gets just how funny this is
but hey i turns out hes like... actually pretty decent at the mlp art style? someone on /b/ (bro strider 4channer canon) asks him to draw fetish art of one of the ponies and that's *hilarious*. porn of a kids show? Fucking phenomenal. never been done before. show stopping. you will never understand the levels of irony he's on. drawing porn of a kids show, that he watches because its funny for him, the manliest man ever, to watch a tv show aimed at little girls about the power of friendship. Fetish art that he's being commissioned for by some loser who's actually into the fetish and doesn't see the hilarity of human sexuality like he, the ultimate chad thundercock, does. weird way to say you get no bitches but go off, king <3
draws weird crossover saw/mlp art for the lols. (you just dont get it. you dont understand the irony. you dont see his vision.) Rainbow Dash in a reverse bear trap. Pinky Pie as john kramer, but the depressed one with straight hair.
then equestria girls comes out. he has Opinions. Why make them human and keep the fantastical skin tones? Theyre not even horses. Ridiculous. At least stick the pony heads back on them shits. Rainbow Dash still best girl
He does just that. put them pony heads back on those human bodies stat. Cue the 'lol furry' comments on /b/ for that one. And actually, wouldnt that be hilarious? who would think *he* would be a furry at first glance? Comedy has never been so sweet.
Hes a furry puppet porn artist now. He's gonna make popular furry crushes to do snuff in puppet form. Gets really into the muscle bara types of furries. Also horses, hes already committed to being a clopper. Might as well commit to the bit a little more and just make it all cartoon horses.
... this is feeling less and less ironic as the days go by. so many people think hes like these freaks online and he's still doing the occasional commission for whoever is brave enough to approach him on his mountain of weird fetish porn. when finally..... finally....... someone asks him if he as a sona because they never see him draw his own stuff.
Well... no. he didnt. he had an old smuppet mlp oc but that... well its not that it wasnt him, it was that it wasn't.... really a sona in the ways these people meant it. And hes supposed to be committing to the bit right? double or nothing. So he does some research. (its a 3 day binge of every how to guide on deviantart and furaffinty) About how to make a fursona. I mean that doesnt... he not *really*, ya know? its an ironic thing.
So he makes the hottest horse-man youve ever fucking seen just as a way of taking the joke full circle. of course bro doodles him occasionally, sticks him in a smuppet kigurumi and everything.
and then he gets his first piece of fanart. it's like... actually good. they drew him his fursona with a loving kind of detail and Bro doesnt... know how to take that. This genuine affection for something he's done without expectation of reciprocation is kinda frying his brain. He doesn't respond to the post or the message. he does make it his profile picture though.
and someone asks about his puppet videos, if he makes all of the plushies himself? Maybe if he takes custom orders. And asking about the puppets genuinely is like a cheat code to get him to talk, even if he's got short responses. his first special interest was the muppets and that slid into puppetry so easy it was like breathing.
so he says the exact specs are a trade secret, but yeah, commissions were on the table for the right price. And that's how he gets roped into making his first fursuit. It turns out surprisingly well! Bro is a perfectionist and years of sewing famous characters and celebs into snuff fueled stop motion sex dolls has given him a lot more technical know how than you might think.
one thing leads to another and Stratos Fur rolls around. he doesn't buy a ticket. But he does make an excuse to himself to be near the convention center/airport. Someone's seam rips and he insults the shoddy workmanship. This is how he makes friends <3
'You paid for that crap? the stich tension alone would be a waste of good thread. Gonna fall apart under its own weight in 6 months.'
oh yeah smartass? what's your suggestion, then?
'get your money back. Or find someone who actually knows what they're doing. aint my wallet screaming'
As much as it's a dick thing to say it does kinda make them laugh. Finally, a non fetish based insult. Bro watches them go to sew it up themself and clicks his tongue. 'Whip stitch is gonna look like shit on the outside. Use an overlock.'
it's clear they have no idea what the hell that means. He huffs. 'Gimme the needle 'fore you hurt yourself.' And he slav squats right there for the next 15 minutes sewing a straight line without so much as a hair out of place. Human touch isn't nearly so bad through a layer of foam and fabric, as it turns out.
I've lost steam here but what's important is that Bro realizes that the fursuit limits human contact and theoretically would just be like piloting a giant furry mecha + inability to be over stimulated because he's being lightly squished by foam on all sides in a dark place. he can chill even while he would normally be freaking out. personal fursuit time babey.
Also important to me is that his asshole behavior correctly reads to other socially awkward assholes as 'not actually trying to start shit. human connection is just hard' and he gets adopted by the furry catgirl coders. he let's it happen because they remind him so much of Roxy and he's always had a soft spot for her, even if he denies it all the time.
having friends his own age who share his interests is good for him. support system to teaching him a few good coping mechanism to getting him on an ssri to hey if that's not working you wanna try my mood stabilizers? I switched to a different brand and I like just ordered a 3 month supply of the old ones to oh shit, he's kinda normal now. he really does need to be on those, huh?
#bro#inane blatherings#this is the most canon i will ever write him btw. i am dragging him kicking and screaming into being a better person#he hates it so so much <3
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this is not a prompt, just a regular question for you to answer; have you ever entertained some AU's for stancy in your head? (besides the spiderman one which sounds so cool btw)
the spider-man AU is one of those ideas that is so cool and so perfect that I WISH it were mine. there are SO many things you could do with it, and kudos to @slashergirlnancy for having the galaxy brain necessary to bring it to life in gifs.
but otherwise, in terms of stancy AUs, it’s funny. normally I’m all about that life, but for whatever reason, all the layers of Steve and Nancy’s current canon story are supplying enough fuel to keep a thousand creative fires burning. the emotional progression and second chance romance of it all are THAT good.
that said, there is one idea that is near and dear to my heart (I sometimes think it might be the only thing that could compel me to give multi-chapters another shot). it’s actually barely an AU at all, at least not at this point in time (tho it almost certainly would be once s5 is wrapped).
basically i have this really clear vision in my head of a Steve and Nancy who, for whatever reason, missed their second chance while they were still teenagers and, in a funny little twist of fate, end up reuniting 5-10 years down the line in a new city, once they’ve had a chance to live a little and grow into their own skins.
maybe i am showing my age in a big, big way, but there is something very sexy to me about, idk, the ordinariness of two adults coming together once they’ve settled into their careers and homes and everyday lives. they go to the gym and cook themselves dinner and can buy their own alcohol, and now they’re just waiting to see if this one last thing slots into place, should they ever meet (or re-meet!) the right person.
(don’t get me wrong, writing about angsty teenagers is fun, but it’s also kind of hard when you have to think of 3,000 excuses to explain why their parents wouldn’t be questioning 110% of what they’re doing. unless, you know, it’s Steve. 🥲)
also in this AU i think steve is a firefighter. just for, you know…reasons. and nancy is obv the star reporter no matter which universe we’re inhabiting. and robin is a little more out and proud and very into the alt rock scene. she has her own place but mostly hangs out at Steve’s and drags him to underground shows on school nights and listens to more Garbage than he can stand, usually.
so yes anyway anon i am sorry for describing literally the most boring possible AU that i may write someday if i can find a way to make it interesting outside my own head. but that is what it is lol.
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I posted 3,272 times in 2022
169 posts created (5%)
3,103 posts reblogged (95%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@sharkapologists
@cecilyacat
@okami-zero
@elveny
@barbex
I tagged 2,961 of my posts in 2022
Only 10% of my posts had no tags
#ffxiv - 681 posts
#art - 653 posts
#lol - 157 posts
#fic rec - 113 posts
#dragon age - 84 posts
#tumblr - 81 posts
#estinien varlineau - 78 posts
#mass effect - 66 posts
#tiktok - 64 posts
#writing - 63 posts
Longest Tag: 117 characters
#also the reason why ppl like david tennant and patrick stewart or ian mckellen have the charisma and presence they do
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Ethan Hawke on creativity:
"Most people don't think about poetry, right? They have a life to live, and they're not really that concerned - until their father dies, they go to a funeral, you lose a child. Somebody breaks your heart, they don't love you anymore. And all of a sudden, you're desperate for making sense out of this life, and 'Has anybody ever felt this bad before?'
Or the inverse! Something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes. You love them so much you can't even see straight. You know, you're dizzy! 'Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?'
And that's when art is not a luxury, it's actually sustenance."
47 notes - Posted June 20, 2022
#4
Excuse me, I am still reeling from how perfectly @schoute captured my Adriene and Estinien, I love it so so so so much and cannot asddksaaskussdwedf!!!!😭😭😭😍😍😍
59 notes - Posted June 30, 2022
#3
Emet-Selch is canonically a character that used to be very close to the WoL (or rather their former incarnation). Someone that CANONICALLY complained but always came to help. Someone who cared so much he, over 12 millenia, tried to bring back millions of people.
Was he a villain in the end? Sure! But he TELLS you why. He tells you that he feels, loves, grieves. Even after he managed to convince himself that nobody around him is even "alive" and can thus be killed without remorse, DESPITE THAT, he wants to hope that there's another way.
That YOU, the WoL, as the reincarnation of someone he cared deeply for, can make the difference. He could've killed you so, so often. He doesn't. Because he *cares*, he wants you to understand, so he explains and works with you and shows you what happened and the why.
This is all told and shown in the game, btw, that's not fanon.
Emet-Selch is an excellent continuation of Hades - saying one thing and doing another. He cares for Azem and WoL, deeply. Does it excuse his actions? No. But it explains them. He doesn't kill because he wants to and because he relishes power. He kills to restore his WORLD.
If you were told you had to trample down thirteen ant hills to save the world, your family, your loved ones, everyone you know, to make those insignificant ants the people they used to be - you would, too.
82 notes - Posted May 26, 2022
#2
If the latest episode of Obi-Wan Kenobi shows anything then it’s the pure horror, terror and soul-ripping despair Darth Vader brings to the galaxy.
And I don’t mean the scene where he drags Obi-Wan into the fire, bc that’s, like… yeah sure, he’s petty and vengeful and so full of hatred and anger, but that’s personal. That’s him and Obi-Wan, of course he’s vengeful and cruel there.
But that scene before.
Where he walks through the village, killing people when he passes them for no reason other than… killing. Trying to get a reaction of the man he assumes is there. The father he rips through the window and chokes in the air, the child rushing to try and help his dad whose neck he snaps. The woman he drags face-down through the sand while she flails. Holy fuck. Imagine you’re living in the galaxy and one day, the Empire comes and takes over. And the Force-sensitive people they have are broken and cruel and they maim and threaten and are horrible enough. And then comes Darth Vader. And you just know that NOTHING is safe. Nothing will ever be safe again. You can be a loyalist and still be dead the next second just because… no because. For no reason. Nothing is safe.
85 notes - Posted June 3, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I can't get over how GOOD Andor is. They are not making "episodes", they are making a STORY and dividing this into episodes. And it's so, so good. The characterization is amazing, the Empire is really and truly BAD and fascist and horrible, and the rebellion is ... not heroic clean awesomeness. It's dirty and doing what needs to be done and it's not easy. Or always morally good. It's "oppression breeds rebellion" and using that. Holy shit.
And yes, I know the whole thing of "Disney is actually bad etc blabla" and YES, there is a problem, but we're operating within a system of capitalism and rising fascism, and I truly believe that the message of Andor is important.
106 notes - Posted November 8, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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S/o pampering the slashers + Vincent , they come home and the s/o prepared a bath and cook them dinner.
Y/n Spoiling Their Slasher
Ooh funn! Sometimes these poor bois need extra love 🥺💞
Thomas:
- He would be a flustered baby from the beginning🥺
- He would feel bad that you’re doing this stuff for him and would feel a bit awkward since he’s so used to being the provider, that he wouldn’t really know how to act 🌼
- He clings to you for guidance, because being so relaxed and spoiled like this feels like a crime to him. And that breaks my heart.
- You end up being the mother hen, coaxing him and cooing at him as he looks up at you as if you're an angel. He'll lower himself into the bath and hold onto your hand, falling into a pit of pure love for you. You are literally his angel and you are GLOWING in his eyes💕
- when you give him a special dinner, he eats it happily and offers to share almost everything with you. It's like he's mostly concerned with what's on your plate instead of his, glancing over and making sure you're enjoying yourself. He can't help it though, it's completely second nature to him 💫💖
He is still hesitant to let himself be comfortable because he has literally never had anything like this ever in his life. He still looks to you for guidance and you tell him that you won't make him do anything he's not comfortable with.
- You both end the night with him clinging to you, buried his face in your stomach with his arms wrapped around your hips. He repeats in his mind that he doesn't deserve an angel like you until he falls asleep, dreaming about you. This boy is lovesick. 💕
Jason
- Jason would just full on melt. He already knew how kind and loving you could be, and honestly isn't too surprised that you would do this. He nevertheless of course, puts his masked-face on your temple in the form of a kiss, and strokes your ear as a thank you💗
- Big boy doesn't waste a minute, he's stripped and ready to dive in. He definitely did NOT expect you to come over there and help him wash. Unsurprisingly he got bashful and looked away as you lovingly scratched his shoulders and unknotted his huge biceps and neck. He ends up going slack in the tub from how good it feels. 😊
- His eyes don't leave you most of the time. He looks away bashfully when you glance at him or smile at him, and his heart is just a fluttery mess at you. When you courteously look away when he steps out of the bath, you direct him to a big meal you made <3
- He has no idea where to start he is a trainwreck at just eating a mf meal. You smile encouragingly at him as he delicately uses his fork (which looks like a toothpick in his hands) and eats like he's at the queen's reception ceremony. He is SO polite. Uses a napkin and everything.
- I canon that he was ALWAYS hungry pre-zombie phase, and could literally eat 5 horses in one sitting (a weird visual but--) he signs to you asking what you were going to eat, and will literally fight with you about you taking his plate if you haven't eaten yet. 💖😤
- hes a babe
Michael
- this bitch. you already know bae.
- He would refuse the bath because he finds it weird that he would bathe in a bath you made him (im confused too dw) He will stand there, his 7 ft tall ass, shaking his head at you no.
- you somehow end up getting in the bath with him because that was the only chance he would take the bath-- with you literally stuck to him as he drags you around like a pool noodle 🥲
- he might initiate funky time but probably not. he just wants to be clean tbh. He spends the entire bath time smelling your hair as he doesn't allow you to move for a good 10 minutes. He strokes your neck though which is nice 💖
- after you guys both leave the bath, he is still carrying you like a purse, but lets you at least put on a towel so you're not sitting naked at the dinner table.
- He's really touchy tonight, and it's mostly because he's filled to the rim with love for you. 💗He expresses it with roughhousing though and handling you like a ragdoll. He does NOT mean to hurt you though and will be gentle if you tell him to cut it out.
- He eats absolutely everything on his plate gratefully, again, doesn't express it in the most civil way, but he appreciates it (surprisingly). He actually might eat from your plate, you can't tell me this 7 ft giant doesn't run on five rotisserie chickens a day.
Bo Sinclair
- I literally didn't even want to write for this dude. He is an asshole. But he's a hot asshole with daddy vibes so here we are 😤💗
- I would never expect Bo to worship you in return for you doing this for him. There are some things he will boast and tease you about being a swoon for him, being obsessed over him and whatnot~~~ But stuff like this is a little too much for that. It almost touches him. Almost💘
- He initially just doesn't know what to say. He loves you, that’s obvious. So he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying the wrong thing (which he does ALL THE TIME) so he's going to be uncharacteristically non hyper-verbal
- When you tell him you have a bath running for him upstairs, he'll think you're joking at first. When it becomes obvious that you're not, you lead him to it, and he looks at you when you're not looking and there's a slight of affection in them🌼
- He offers to share the bath with you, with a glint in his eye and that velvety smooth tone of his. This makes you blush furiously and become shy, which eggs him on. It’s completely up to you though, heh, because this will in fact lead to the sex
- afterwards he may drag you over to the bed to sleep~~~ until you tell him you have dinner waiting for him, and he is a fucking s l u t for food after funky time ✨
- now here he definitely teases you. “you’re practically worshipping me, doll. how am I supposed to treat you now?” What we’re you expecting? but internally he’s bursting at the seams and he’s very touched. 💖Probably to the point where he’s uncomfortable and will either be very quiet (he has no idea what to say) or he’ll tease the shit out of you as a coping mechanism.
- he eats like a normal person unlike everyone else here (and maybe Vincent) going on about his day where you listen patiently with a smile on your face ☺️
- Then when in bed, with his back facing you, he’ll very quietly thank you for doing this for him, because Lord knows he needed it. He’s very thankful 💖
Vincent Sinclair
- all signs of responsiveness is cut. I mean, he’s the tiniest bit of smug if I’m raw honest. He was the golden child out of the two when he was younger and even if Bo is top dog in Ambrose, the feeling of deserving more than he does is still there. Which he DOES 😭💖
- He’s in absolutely no way like Bo. Bo is a smug ass who doesn’t listen to anyone (who we stan btw), but he’s still touched to the core.💖 You didn’t need to do this, you wanted to
- he knew he was worthy of being loved. He knew Bo wasn’t going to hold him down forever. he’s felt he needed this for the longest time. He wants to beat Bo; ~~~
- and when the prettiest, sweetest angel is at his feet pampering him, he just knows how jealous Bo is. 💘😭 Anyway SORRY I’m rambling~~ I feel like Vinny would be too scared to go into the bath himself and would have you sit on a stool beside him.
- he’ll be signing to you the entire time he’s in the bath~~ about anything and everything. He’s just so emotionally connected to you, he can’t help but spill his thoughts 🥺
- you both would eat your dinner in his room, probably on his bed as you share ideas about sculpting and life Bring a laptop so y’all can watch Netflix together ✨
- he’d want to make love to you after but that depends on how shy he’s feeling. It would probably be gentle and devoid of much lust, only love🥺💓
#slashers#slashers x reader#i made a thing#thomas hewitt#thomas hewitt x reader#Thomas headcanons#Thomas Hewitt imagines#Jason Vorhees#Jason Vorhees x reader#Jason Vorhees headcanons#Jason Vorhees imagines#michael myers#Michael Myers x reader#Michael Myers headcanons#Michael Myers imagines#bo sinclair#bo sinclair x reader#bo sinclair headcanons#bo sinclair imagine#Vincent sinclair#vincent sinclair headcanons#Vincent sinclair imagines#vincent sinclair x reader
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GENERATION KILL: COMFORTING THERE PARTNER
"This is just me formally submitting a request for that gk boys offering their own forms of comfort fic/ headcanon/ thoughts wtevr. Lol just as a reminder. 😀"@theboardwalkbody
Gif Credit: @ymagor
A/N: You're wish is my command, homes❣️ Here's a little change of pace! @theboardwalkbody inspired this post (and asked it!), so thanks for the Inspo friend! 🤩 I'm doing this for BoB and TP because I'm going through a slight writer's block and instead of thinking about long descriptions, I just wanna so head canons that get a little out of hand. I hope this isn't too ooc😔 Reader has *inserted mental illness* btw, it's up for interpretation! ALSO GN! READER! Enjoy!
Taglist: @theboardwalkbody @contrabandhothead
Masterlist
NATE FICK-
Nate's a calculated person. He can see the patterns in people, things, etc. Like how his father's eyebrows wrinkle when he's excited, or when his mother likes to prep a meal from vegetables to the main course. So when you're happy, sad, whatever-he knows it, and you don't even have to tell him.
He'll come home and see you. He knows that you've heard him calling you're name, but you don't move. He looks all over the house and finds you inside of your tub, just sitting there with no response. The water is running, and your clothes and hair are soaked.
So in an attempt to not disrupt your peace, Nate climbs in and sits next to you. You look over and he's stares at you. Just as your about to speak, he beats you to it.
"I'll get you a towel and some clothes."
And then, he just leaves. You hear the door quietly shut, and you blink for a few seconds. What the hell just happened? It snapped you out of your depressive trance. Now instead of feeling sad-you just were confused.
So you hear the door lightly open again and then close. After a few more minutes of soaking, you get out and see a towel and a set of clothes that are most certainly not yours. It's Nate's Dartmouth Lacrosse sweater and a pair of underwear-he knows you too well.
So you exit the bathroom and you see Nate, putting two cups down of you're favorite tea
And he's got that face. You know the face were he's like ☹️
"Hey, c'mere."
The two of you climb into bed with eachtoher. He throws one of those ugg blankets over you. You rest his head in his chest and he pats your head. There's a silence, until Nate says, "Do you wanna walk about it."
Normally, you'd say no and he'd read you a book you're reading or hold you as you cry, but this time, it's different.
"Yeah, I do. You won't judge, right?"
Nate tilts you chin up, and he's got a tired smile on his face.
"Why would I?"
BRAD COLBERT-
Brad may appear horrible with emotions and reading the room...in which he isn’t
Okay, scratch that. He tries to understand them, it’s just hard for him to give advice and use words to comfort you. He feels like he’s walking on glass, But sometimes, you just need him psychically more then anything.
When you storm out of a room when Chaffin makes a comment on your weight, Brad takes a few minutes to think what he should do.
Normally, he’d just leave you be, but he’s gotta do something. Getting up, he follows you down the hallway. You’re not far, and he’s calling you’re name.
You stop in the hallway, wiping the tears coming down toye face. Brad turns you around with his hands on your shoulder. He’s got a blank face on as he looks at you, seeing your red face and the tears.
While you sob and stutter, he fixes the collar of your shirt, tucks your hair behind your ear, which is normal. He likes to neaten you up to make you feel better.
But he starts to use his thumb, wiping the tears coming down your face. You shocked as he cups your face, making you look into those icy cold eyes. He looks like the Iceman, cold and emotionless, but what he says very Brad.
“You’re beautiful.”
Then he pulls you into a tight grasp. He’s a whole foot taller then you, and you like the way he snakes his hands around his waist and slightly lifts off you your feet. His sheer presence is intimating, but for you; comforting. 
RAY PERSON-
THIS MAN. although a hick with a big mouth, he does know when to shut up and can read you’re emotions like the back of his hand.
He can just see the sadness swelling in your eyes and the way you pick at the foot at your plate and avoid all of needs for cuddles in bed. Heck, it’s making Ray sad.
So he does what he does best-not shutting up, well-about things he likes about you.
“Man! Look at my hot girlfriend/wife! There reading books by the liberal media, total smartie here! Oh! And they have a degree from-“
Ray will also beg for to your attention and follows you around like a puppy. Like you’ll be sitting on the couch and he’ll come rest his head on your lap. You ignore him, but he starts to twist and quote random movies so you finally give in.
Is Ray annoying? Yes. But did he make you smile? Also yes.
Also Ray is a cook, and knows all of your favorite meals. Of course, he sets the table, lights a few Mantown candles (yes there real google them), and comes to serve your meal with two plates.
“The most beautiful man/woman I have ever seen, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the Avril to my Bizzy D-you’re hot pockets.”
It makes you laugh, which makes Ray happy. He feeds off of that attention. You sit in Ray’s lap, eating hot pockets, and watching The Best Damn Tour. You lean on Ray’s shoulder, and he leans right back.
POKE ESPERA-
Alexa play Whatta Man’ by Salt-N-Peppa BECAUSE! WHAT! A! MAN!
Poke is one tough mofo. He embodies the meme of “Good morning to my beautiful wife/husband and child everybody else get fucked”.
But like every baddie; baddie’s gotta have soft spots for there bitches. He has two; you and his daughter. And oh god he’s love the two of more then anything in the world.
Poke knows you and his daughter well enough. His daughter first notices that your not as enthusiastic and bubbly, and then she tells Poke. But Poke already knows because he’s observant and very in touch with his emotions.
So when he’s a work; he thinks and does a lot of self reflection. He wonders why you’re upset. Did he cause it? What can he do to make it better? He asks all the guys for advice, and even his own daughter.
An idea strikes! Poke’s got a lot of anger, so his therapist told him to express his emotions by journalling. But Poke learns that it helps him get everything out of system, so he’s a secret writer. Heck, he even likes poetry; and would kill anyone if they’d find out.
While off at work, small letters start to appear across you’re house. Some are long, some are short, but there sweet and make you’re day.
“I held the stars in my arms wen I held you”
“I can’t wait to kiss you.”
“Your eyes stole all of my words away”
And the covers of the notes are done by Poke’s daughter, covered in glitter and Lisa Frank stickers.
You confront Poke about this “mysterious pen pal” and Poke is like “I mean, your lips do sound tempting”
You know it’s Poke, and he knows it, but there’s something about the mystery that is very romantic.
WALT HASSER-
Here comes our favourie country pumpkin
Now let me say. This man LOVES you more then anything the world
Doesn’t wanna show you off (but he does)
So when you’re the slightest bit sad, Walt is even sadder then you are
Walt is someone that lives to receive attention, and also he’s someone that likes to give it. Especially to the love of his life!
Walt gives you things you actually need, and nothing that is materialistic. Growing up, his parents had a healthy relationship, and the apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Waits on you hand and foot. A back massage? Done. A fuzzy blanket? Right on it! A specific burger from a joint that is thirty minutes away at three in the morning? Walt’s driving like a manic just for you. You have the man’s undivided attention.
“Walt?”
He stops whatever he’s doing and runs over, getting on his knees, “Yeah, what’s up baby?”
“Can you sing the song? Y’know, our song?”
Walt nods his head, now an eager puppy, and gets his gutair to play the song he wrote especially for you. And this is making me realize how painfully single I am oh my
RUDY REYES-
Rudy has an iv of respect woman/men juice. He always understands the assignment-and desires extra credit.
So whenever you’re down in the dumps, Rudy will drop everything and drag you into the car to go walk on his favorite trail. It’s ten miles long, but Rudy is a fitness freak.
First, you hate doing it. But the more you talk these long walks, the more you begin to enjoy it.
Sometimes there silence. Rudy won’t speak force you to talk. Talking is stressful, and Rudy will wait until you’re ready. The two of you holds hands, and Rudy has such a calming presence. It’s really hard to get angry at him.
You finally speak and tell Rudy you’re problems, and he listens and doesn’t interrupt. He’s got a hand on you’re lower back, or on your thigh. He’s basically you’re emotional support teddy bear and will always be a lending ear, or a total cuddle monster.
Rudy has the best advice as well. It’s always some yoga shit, but damn, those breathing  exercises do actually help.
EVAN “Q-TIP” STAFFORD-
Oh Q-Tip. My feral goblin son😭
I love him, but sometimes-things can fly over his head.
But when you start to ignore him and hide away from him, he begins to notice. And he HATES IT.
Like Christianson will ask him if he’s okay and he’ll literally quote a 2pac song and be like,
“I would drop all my girls for you, Walk barefoot 'round the world for you, Fly around like the birds for you, Thats why I wrote these words for you..”
Lilley is like “Brah we gotta help a homie out”
So the three stooges create Lovegate. The mission? to make Q-Tip’s partner happier.
Q-Tip is very artistically inclined. So with Christenson’s editing skills and Lilley’s camera, Q-Tip writes you a song and does a whole music video.
The man rents out a movie theatre venue just to show you. Of course, you’re blown away. It’s horrible and you can taste the autotone, BUT IT’S THE EFFORT THAT COUNTS. and q-tip has that smile on. you know what i’m talking about!
Doc Bryan walks in on the two of you making out and is pissed since all he wanted to do was see the re-screening of Bridemaids but NO, Q-Tip just had to rent out a theatre to show his partner a music video about them and then make out.
He see’s Lilley, who’s recording and asks to interview what Doc’s opinion on the music video, and this is what he’s says.
“I think my ears bled, but thank fuck those two aren’t acting like emo’s.”
DOC BRYAN-
The gif has a purpose. Trust me. SPEAKING OF THE MAN OF THE HOUR
Bryan, like Poke, is a very observant guy. He’s an angry motherfucker, and even a little insensitive, but ever since dating you; he’s tried to change.
He hates the world. People are shitty, and it makes him feel shitty that you’re sad because when you feel shitty, he’s in a shitter mood then he’s usually in
Knowing that his words might sound a little harsh, Byran knows how to distract you. Without words. After all, he didn’t work out for nothing.
Long hugs are you’re thing. The two of you will run into eachother, find a private place, and he’ll just wrap his arms around you. His big arms are protective, and he’s warm, and you just sink into him.
Sometimes, you’ll fall asleep. Byran sometimes will fall asleep with you, other times he’ll gently lay you down and put a blanket with a gentle forehead kiss.
When you cry in his arms, he’ll wipe the tears away. He can feel them against his arm, and he doesn’t know what to do. Crying girls/guys are not his speciality.
But when you squeeze his arm back, to let you know what your there and that you love him, Byran will freeze. He has no idea what to next with words. He’ll put his hand over yours, and turns out; it works well.
After this is all over, he’ll check up on you and ask you simply if you’re okay. You respond with a smile. Byran isn’t one for smiles, but for you, he shows a subtle smile back. Just to let you know.
#carrie writes#carrie’s headcanons#generation kill#nate fick#brad colbert#ray person#poke espera#walt hassar#rudy reyes#evan stafford#doc bryan#generation kill x reader#generation kill headcanons#generation kill imagine#hbo war
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well.... you know that I have read your OT3 fic with Ren- Hachi and Nana and fell in love with it. so if you have ANY um literally anything you want to share about their relationship? spare me some headcanons please? ANYONE WHO HASN'T READ IT MUST READ IT BTW
also: what kind of gay am i? 😈 okay byee
:3c
Nothing in life more satisfying than dragging someone down into a rare pair. Ngl that series of one-shots in which I get to come up with a bunch of ridiculous ships has been really fun to write, but this one is chapter 6 for anyone wondering.
ANYWAY, headcanons. I can do headcanons. Especially since you returned the favor for the other great OT3 (Nana/Ren/Yasu) here... Cause ngl, our OT3 combined into the best OT4. (also rip sorry I am finally posting this like a month later flsjdfksdfjsldj)
- Hachi has the softest, smoothest skin ever and Ren and Nana both love touching it, always touching her cheeks, stomach, underarm, boobs, etc. When Hachi overhears them talking about it she thinks they are calling her fat (idk, maybe true) but really it’s thanks to her skin care routine and all her nice lotions.
- Ren and Hachi both have their own shampoos and bodywash, but Nana never bothers getting her own and just grabs one of theirs at random.
- Hachi buys Ren’s clothes for him, because a closet of 10 identical leather jackets and pants just isn’t necessary. It’s still his aesthetic, but he doesn’t look like a Sid Vicious cosplay everyday... but he’s still got to at least occasionally because that’s what Nana’s into him for.
- Both Ren and Nana are absolute hot for Hachi wearing either of their clothes. She doesn’t do it often, cause Hachi’s got a bigger wardrobe than her rock star combined so why would she need to??? But sometimes... she does it anyway. Nana pretends to be mad.
- Ren and Nana get Hachi her dream house - with a garden, fencing, veranda, walk-in closet, and a kitchen fit for a professional cook. They’d have been content living in a shitty apartment or any generic nice suite their agents set them up in and decorated for them but living in a cozy home is like... the stuff of their childhood dreams. At first Ren and Nana are content to let Hachi decorate it all to her heart’s desires but she keeps asking them their opinion and they all kinda get into it and Nana even builds some of their furniture at Hachi’s request. They make it into a real home and Ren and Nana make sure to never smoke inside the house because they love it too much.
- After they get that house, they host so many parties with their friends. Hachi is a perfect hostess and Ren gets really into it too. Meanwhile Nana is making half the mess as she gets too drunk.
- Hachi and Ren make most of their meals, but Nana almost always makes their miso soup at Ren’s request and Hachi’s dismay. Nana’s taste remain very salty and Nana tends to add more salt to Hachi’s food to an insulting degree.
- At first they have Hachi sleep in the middle of the bed but she’s like this is too fucking hot here (and also she’s 100% the type to pee a couple times in the middle of the night) so Ren takes the middle and he loves it, especially when both Hachi and Nana cuddle him on either side.
- idk if we’re in my AU or just general canon, but either way when Ren retires he becomes a stay-at-home dad to all 3 of their kids and he loves it. He teaches them all instruments and everything and they can make their own little band.
- Biologically the children are Hachi & Ren’s, and for Nana’s comfort they call her the kid’s aunt (even if she is as equally their partner) and Nana’s a better guardian to the kids than if she’d call herself their mom. She’s the best auntie, but she’s also the strictest.
- Shin still plays house with Hachi as his mommy and Ren as dad but Nana will end his life if he includes her in any of these games but that doesn’t stop Hachi and Ren from doing so anyway but only Hachi gets away with it.
- Ren and Nana alone aren’t very publicly affectionate with each other unless the situation demands it, but the moment it’s either of them with Hachi (or all 3 of them together) it’s PDA time. Nobu claims he’s in hell watching them all flirt constantly and be lovey dovey but he’s honestly just happy to see Ren and Nana so happy. Yasu’s kinda into watching the 3 of them... ot4 for the win
- Ren and Nana love being part of the Komatsu family. Sometimes the Komatsu’s threaten to disown Hachi and Nami and replace them for Ren and Nana cause they love them back it’s what Ren and Nana always dreamed of their like, dream family dynamic. It’s so wholesome.
all head canons that are even a little sexy below the cut
- Even tho Hachi makes her own money and has a successful career doing whatever she wants to be doing, Ren and Nana both give her credit cards in each of their names and she they give her no limits which might be a bad idea but Hachi is a spoiled little princess. Ren and Nana also compete to see who’s credit card Hachi uses more, sugar daddy kinks awoken.
- Hachi tapes dramas for Ren and Nana to watch. Nana mostly watches them casually and nap to but Ren’s like INTO them and makes references to them constantly and remembers all the character’s names and all the juicy drama. Sometimes Ren will remember a drama is on and stop in the middle of even sex to go watch. Hachi will go join him while Nana will be like wtf and finish herself off before also joining him to watch.
- We all know Ren and Nana's favorite way of spending time together is sex, and you'd think Hachi would dial that back a little cause she likes romance but of course she's also a sex kitten. Also she's hot in the sack, as established, and she's generally the one who’s like “3rd round?” and Nana and Ren are like passed out.
- Sometimes Nana and Ren call Hachi mommy in bed and that’s all that needs to be said.
#nana#osaki nana#komtasu nana#komtasu hachi#nana osaki#hachi komatsu#nana komatsu#honjo ren#ren honjo#ot3#ai yazawa#my nana feels#i scream#headcanons#mediocreauthor#ask#long post#i mighta left out a few that I forgot but fjsdkljflsdj kl here you go
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Alright curious anon here. All this is /dsmp /rp from here on out unless otherwise specified and is refering to characters. If i make any mistakes or am misinformed please let me know! So by the cat was nothing compared to mushroom henry i was meaning more toward the fact that the cow was killed as a punishment for something not worth or ok for it to be killed for at all and the fact that it belonged to tommy, wheareas the cat was killed more to annoy dream and belonged to tommy. (1/?)
alright then another lengthy reply, here i come! /lh /dsmp /rp
Dream also did not seem to mourn the cat much, shrugging it off with a "just more motivation to break out".
it was killed to hurt dream, not to "annoy him". it doesn't matter who it belonged to, c!dream was attached to it and it died, which had an effect on him and also further proved his point about attachments being weakness and caring getting you hurt, and it's still very sad.
you say that it was not ok at all to kill mooshroom henry, but the cat's death wasn't ok either, so i really don't see your point.
again, i disagree it was "nothing compared to" either way. i never meant to compare them in the first place, i was simply talking about the cat and c!dream so i don't see why it is in any way necessary to drag c!tommy and other dead pets into this. /nm
also, it isn't true he didn't mourn it. he is a very reserved person who doesn't show his feelings much, that's true, but the cat death still changed the way he acted afterwards, as well as the attempts he made to prevent it. he didn't "shrug it off", he yelled about it because he was understandably upset.
You mentioned that propganda was used to make dream seem like a tyrant, could you specify a bjt? Cus im a little confused srry /gen. Because the most i can remember from the lmanburg era at least is him being called a b'tch or other similar insults. You also mentioned how trauma responses can be differet which is true! I agree! Do you have any ideas to what caused dream the trauma?
wilbur would continuously make him out to be some sort of oppressive, tyrannical force, in front of his troops - a prime example of this being the lyrics of the l'manberg anthem itself and the l'manberg declaration of independence.
actually! here's a nice thread about l'manberg's establishment complete with links, timestamps and evidence :]
i also said in my previous post what could've possibly caused it, but since the character intentionally hides his emotions from the public, it would be difficult to see how things really affected him - which is why the way his spiral went is the majority of the evidence that would imply it, however it does make sense within the story as well with what i mentioned last time.
I would like to note that for sapnap at least had reason to leave dream. Some examples off the top of my head are dream leading an angry fundy to sapnap's pets on purpose, resulting in some deaths, dream assisting tommy in burning down sapnap's effiel tower where he got engaged to karl, and dream giving tommy either mars or the other fish at the battle of the lake. Idk about george tho other then the whole mexican lmanburg/el rapids thing and decrowning him
c!sapnap was actually at fault for most of this, and it wasn't really ever betrayal on c!dream's part.
c!dream is a mediator and he wants to stop everyone's conflict - c!fundy was angry because of c!sapnap's actions, and hence it made more sense for c!dream to centre him on c!sapnap's animals instead of running around killing everyone's pets (at that time, all c!dream knew was c!sapnap did something really bad and c!fundy wanted beckerson / mars from him, which were also his and c!george's fish).
c!sapnap was an instigator, and in multiple conflicts during the time as well as before he'd align himself against c!dream. he isn't "loyal" per se, he causes chaos and the reason c!dream helped c!tommy was because, c!sapnap, again, killed his pet. the first l'manberg war and then the 16th are signs of the fact that c!dream and c!sapnap were willing to fight together in actual war, but these small conflicts where c!sapnap continuously picked fights weren't about personal loyalty, nor did they seem to affect their relationship at all.
c!george was never really hurt by c!dream either. the dethronement was him very obviously being a guilt-trippy drama queen, but, well, that's just the character. he had stolen the l'mantree while he was supposed to be the diplomatic figure of the greater smp, which is why c!dream was justified in - very politely, may i mention - taking the duties off of him (seeing as he was also trying to keep him safe and c!techno had already assassinated him once).
Im pretty sure i remember cc!sam stating that his character never canonically physically tortured dream during his subathon but take this with a grain of salt as i am looking for the clip currently. So to the best of my knowledge dream did not have a physical contact trigger during tommy's visit which! I rewatched the vod and dream actually was first to hit tommy and i can give you my full writing downs but 10/12 of the phy-
you never finished this point because you had to go do something, but i'll reply to what is here at the moment (i suggest writing these down before sending next time, or even writing them out wholly before sending a single one could help avoid stuff like this).
i am 95% sure that the reason cc!sam stated this was because people were suspicious he had already been doing what c!quackity was doing after - torture within the storyline itself is associated pretty much only with what c!quackity is doing, so that's what he meant, just to clear up confusion - the starvation or terrible conditions haven't been retconned, but it was direct torture (like c!quackity is doing) people were asking him about.
i never said c!dream had a physical contact trigger at all, i don't think he had that, though he probably will after the torture.
huh, ok, i'm gonna have to rewatch then, but i remember c!tommy punching c!dream a lot and him just telling him to stop and only punching back to get him to stop. trigger or not, getting hit isn't very pleasant, if you know what i mean.
You mentioned tommy stealing dream's armor unprovoked. Do you have the vod or a general idea of the time so i can find it? Like before lmanburg after another event so and so because if you do not have it i can find it but any help is appreciated.
i am pretty sure you can find the video on cc!tommy's channel! there are also recaps of the disc war on youtube :]
I wanna talk a little on why the Final Control Room was so messed up. For starters, with the way the room was designed. It was small, and had labeled, empty chests with each person's name on them as a mockery. The next reason is that its bascially a kill box.
It's fairly inescapble with the stairs being ones you have to jump up, slowing anyone who climbs them down. The final reason it is messed up is that it is shown to have caused every person who died in it trauma. With tommy there are several examples, the time he saw it with techno, the way he refuses to go near it, the exposure trauma, etc. Fundy also appears to have trauma, as when the Red Banquet executions began, it can be seen as him being afraid of dying last again.
It can Be thought as tubbo having trauma because he buries most of his issues and pretends to be ok. Moreover this event took at least one of each person's canon lives, making it the most canon lives lost EVER in a dream smp event. (This is not hate on any of the ccs btw i loved this scene and its one of my personal favorites). Plus the fact Eret's betrayal just literally happened, giving at least Tommy and Wilbur canonic trust issues.
i wouldn't call the chests mockery? it was a trap. people had traps on the smp before. it was a trap in the middle of war, supposed to end said war by killing them all at once rather than individually which would be a lot more bloody and difficult.
i agree c!tommy and other people might have post-war trauma, especially if they were young during the time, but i think that's because the final control room was "messed up", moreso because the war itself was. it all happened fairly instantly as well? i don't think c!fundy would be able to realize he was the last one standing within the two second before he wasn't.
it "can be thought" and it can be interpreted like that but besides c!tommy there isn't much evidence for them "all" being traumatized by the final control room. of course betrayal would spark trust issues, i understand that.
The probation was humiliating in my opinion because dream was Sending tommy anatgonizing messages through out the whole meeting, plus he had to write a review of his day every single day, which fundy mocked him for.
i mean, it was definitely a strike to his pride, but he was being extremely uncooperative so i don't really blame the other members of new l'manberg trying to teach him to listen for once? of course i know c!dream was riling him up, and that should definitely be considered. i don't think it would be as humiliating if c!tommy didn't make it, is what i'm saying.
for the tommy being toxic to fundy? At least for the examples you gave, to me personally they come acoross as either in a meta way being the cc's bantering or in canon being the characters having banter. If you can send the post with the clips so i can read the tone better that would be cool but if not i will try and find em.
no, these were all in canon. canon isn't only when c!tommy is being nice, it's also when he's being a jerk. /lh
the first one was him threatening c!fundy about kicking him out of l'manberg and undermining his self-worth, and the second one was him trying to get c!sapnap to vote for them via bullying c!fundy.
i found these from a transcript focusing on c!fundy's character, so i don't know exactly where the first one is from, but the second one i am pretty sure is from when the elections were starting with the whole cabinet battle deal and all of that.
there are other instances, and all of them are canon. his personality was never being nice or compassionate, so i'm not really surprised? he still cares about the people he cares about and is very brave, y'know. but this part of his personality is definitely a valid reason for people to dislike him.
I hope the exam went well :). Hope u have a great day! (Ps i think theres something called a submission box to send in pictures? Am not entirely sure sry)
it would've gone well but my work-speed is a tad too slow for the schooling system (considering i'm three years younger than my classmates,,, probably that's also a factor) so probably not despite the fact i knew everything and would've aced it if i only had more time. i did as well as i could so i'm not worried about it, but thanks!
i think you're thinking submissions. sadly, i tested it and it doesn't work on anons, so idk how you'd solve that, maybe make a burner account?
Curious anon here one point you may wanna include in the redemption essay is that c!tubbo or c!tommy do not necessarily have to forgive him. What's important is that he recognizes what he did was wrong (exile, beating tommy to death, manipulating them both, etc) and does his best to make amends. Hope this helps! Can't wait to see your essay
it's out, idk if you've seen it yet, and i think i included enough of that so hope it's all good! :)
the mcc update video is out if you are an mcc enjoyer. It's very neat, if you wanna check it out
yeah! i am a fellow mcc enjoyer, saw it already, thanks for telling me though, i'm really hype for today.
Allo curious anon here sorry if the lots of asks bother you. I was just curious if i could share an interesting post i saw today about c!dream :0 (not necessarily negative i think? More of a statement of an often-confused canon)
sure thing! i don't know what you mean by often-confused since, the entire fanbase is very confused always, and often selection bias plays into the perception from both sides, but sure :]
you also sent in a thing for the other anon who said they didn't know what c!dream did that bad; pretty sure they couldn't really be alerted since, not sure if they watch my blog that closely, but i'll summarize your points just in case and add some notes;
the repeated blowing up of l'manberg (in my mind that's largely a positive since i,, despise that country, but fair enough), revealed c!ranboo as a traitor (they seem to be friends so i also,, think that might've been planned between him and enderboo), sent ghostbur away (i don't think c!dream knew it was dangerous for him and wanted to actually hurt him, but idk), participated in fighting against c!sapnap when he killed people's pets (that's only negative against c!sapnap and didn't seem to hurt him much at all), and then the whole vault scene where he was allegedly planning to steal people's things (though saying he would & being stopped beforehand and doing it are two different things, frankly).
so i still agree with the other anon that a lot of the hurt he did "to the entire server" (he only negatively interacted with like,, a half of them) is exaggerated both by the characters and the fandom, but i guess that's a consequence of most people seeing him as a threat to everyone's happiness rather than a complex personality.
Also he was aware of the butcher army going to kill techno but only got involved because he saw an opportunity to get a favor. (As he knew in advance due to him telling techno to get a totem, watching from afar instead of interveing or manipulating tubbo out of it)
i don't understand this at all, i'm sorry. how do you know he only helped techno in order to get a favor? last i remember he was only doing it to protect and strengthen his alliance, and techno came up with the whole favor thing entirely on his own. you might've not watched techno's perspective or their prior interactions, idk, but this really is a misinterpretation in my eyes. /nm
sorry if that is overly dream negative i just wanted to let yall know cus you seemed unaware -curious anon
nah dw, i watch the smp and i watched all of these things happen so, wouldn't say unaware, but thanks.
#long post#my asks#curious anon#tw torture#tw animal death#c!dream negativity in asks#nothing aggressive though#so safe to read
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nikki jie i’m hear with Questions hehe no. 23 please
and for no. 30: do you learn something new about yourself/your world when you write? which is the most emotive piece you have the most memories/attachment towards?
yuren meimeiiiii. thank you for popping into ah ma's humble inbox <3
23. Have you ever stopped yourself from writing something? Why?
i've stopped myself fr writing osamu's story in the storm chaser universe bcos whatever i wrote so far still doesn't do him justice. i have a lot of love of osamu (not least bcos he reminds me sm of my own mr. nikki) and im just not satisfied with myself. it will come, one day - but i gotta satisfy my standards before i'll tell his story.
30. do i learn something new abt myself / my world when i write? what's the most emotive piece you have the most memories / attachment towards?
trust yuren to have the most thought provoking, lovely questions. btw to whoever's reading - if y'all havent checked her out / followed her, what are you waiting for!!!! i am a FAN of her work okay.
anw. i think i surprise myself with how sentimental, romantic and emotional i am whenever i write. irl i'm pretty direct and funny and practical, so i'm not exactly a romantic soul, but whenever i write, my pieces dig a little deeper into my soul, dragging so much emotional depth that i surprise myself.
storm chaser is definitely the fic i have the most memories towards, not bcos it proved to be the fic that started my hq post-canon universe, but bcos i poured a lot of myself into the mc and i relate so much to the themes in the story. that family and love can be reconciled with ambition, that marriage needs time to settle, that love and forgiveness are irrevocably intertwined.
and you guys rly seemed to like that piece so...yeah. ty y'all for sticking by me.
#Nikki chats!#Nikki plays games!#yuren<3#lovely lovely yuren who i hope is well despite work getting you down#lemme punch them in the face#ily yurennnnn
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acceptance speech
pairing | m!raleigh x mc
word count | 1.1k
warnings | cursing
tags | @raleighcarrera, @pixeljazzy, @choicesarehard, @natesewell, @empressazura, @agentdumortain, @zadiechoi, @felix-hauville
author’s note | wrote this short fic for the #vinylawardschallenge! i wanted to write a fun acceptance speech of some kind for @platinumweekend so i came up with this! my mc is pretty different from the canon mc btw – keep that in mind and hope u enjoy !!
•─────────────────•
“And the winner is… Dom Avalos – Album Of The Year!”
She looked to her friends, lined up next to her, eyes wide. She slapped her hands over her mouth, frozen in shock.
“No fucking way,” she yelled to Raleigh over the deafening applause and cheers, shaking her head. “There’s no way.”
“Yes, way! You fucking won! Get up there, beautiful,” he beamed, leaning in to plant a kiss on her lips.
She’d never seen him look that proud of her.
She waved to her friends, mouthing I love you’s and blowing quick kisses as she was ushered towards the stage, camera in her face the entire time.
Thankfully Avery was presenting – Dom wrapped her in a huge hug, murmuring thank you’s in her ear. Avery squeezed her, patting her back with her free hand. “You earned this,” she said directly in Dom’s ear.
When she pulled back, the applause had begun to die down. She grabbed the award from Avery, taking a second to admire it.
She knew she was on limited time, but she couldn’t help but reread the plaque over and over and over, shaking her head incredulously.
“Holy shit –” she said, cutting herself off with a loud cackle. “Forgot I couldn’t say that on live TV. Sorry mom.”
The audience laughed, Raleigh’s booming laugh ringing out louder than anyone else’s. Oh, he was absolutely eating it up.
“To be honest, I didn’t really have anything prepared. I know lots of people say that so their prepared speeches sound better than they actually are, but I’m telling the truth,” she joked, then eyed the award again.
“Wow. I really didn’t think I’d be here. Making the shift to an independent label was so difficult, and I didn’t think it’d pay off. Man, I’m speechless,” she laughed, placing the base of the award flat against her palm, lifting it as she spoke.
“Uh, I know I don’t have much time, so I’ll start thanking people. A huge thanks to my manager, Fiona Syed. You’re the fiercest woman on the planet and I don’t know where I’d be without you,” she locked eyes with her in the crowd.
Fiona’s eyes were bright, smile beaming.
She moved down the line, thankful the most important people in her life were lined up next to each other. “Hank, my man, you’re the best bodyguard I’ve ever had and I can’t thank you enough for keeping me on my toes.”
He grinned, nodding at her.
“Ozone! Micah! You’re the coolest teenager I’ve ever met. And teenagers scare the… life… out of me,” she joked, trying to censor herself for once. “Thank you for being an incredible producer. I don’t trust anyone with my artistic vision like I trust you.”
Micah beamed, winking at her from his seat next to Zadie.
“Zadie Choi, you’re the best designer and friend I could’ve asked for. You’re not afraid to call me on my B.S. – can I say that?” She shrugged, continuing, glad the crowd was engaged and laughing. “Thank you.”
“Shane Parker! Oh my god, I don’t know where the hell I’d be without you,” she grinned widely, pointing to him in the crowd. “He’s my lifelong best friend. He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. You get me more than I get myself sometimes,” she shook her head, holding the award up. “You’ve been here through it all, and I don’t know if I’d be here on this stage right now accepting this award without your support. This award is yours just as much as it is mine. I love you, bestie.”
He gave her two thumbs up from his seat, winking, clearly emotional.
“Thank you to my label, to Avery, for accepting me regardless of my vision and my unbearable personality,” she grinned, stepping over to wrap Avery in another side hug. “She’s the best mentor I could’ve asked for. I owe the possibility of me even being here to her.”
Avery squeezed her back, kissing Dom’s cheek.
“Thank you to my parents and to everyone back home who supported and screw everyone who doubted me,” she said, locking eyes with Raleigh.
He raised a brow as if to say, “What about me?”
“I’d tease him more and drag this out forever, but I don’t have enough time, unfortunately,” she pointed at the plaque, award still balanced in her palm.
“God, what a ride, huh, Raleigh?” She tapped the plaque. “Can you say ‘I told you so’?”
He cupped his hands around his mouth, yelling across the crowd. “I told you so!”
She laughed, grabbing the mic stand. “You know, I never told him this, but when I was 14 I took my first paycheck – I used to be a babysitter – yeah, I know – I took it to the mall and bought Sunset Skatepark’s first album.”
“You were only a couple years older than me but you had everything I wanted.” She shook her head, chewing the inside of her lip. “It’s still wild to me that I’m dating the kid I idolized. I didn’t know we were one in the same.”
Raleigh couldn’t contain his grin – a full, genuine smile, no hint of smirking or teasing. His eyes were bright, his entire body lighting up like a bulb. He was so happy for her.
“Raleigh’s one of a kind. He sees through all of the – uh – B.S. and cares more about people than he lets on. He’s the best judge of character I know. God, I love him,” she said, pointing directly at him.
The prompter flickered, letting her know that she needed to wrap it up quickly.
“This is a huge deal to me so you’re not gonna turn the music on while I’m finishing my heartfelt speech and talking at my boyfriend,” she said, pointing at the nearest camera that was trained on her every move.
“Anyway, like I was saying… I wouldn’t be up here without you, Raleigh. Love you, dumbass,” she smiled, blowing a kiss his way.
He cheesily jumped up, popping his arm up to grab it, cradling his hand to his chest.
She was ushered backstage, award clutched in both hands, waiting for the next commercial break so she could return to her seat. A firm hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into a dark corner, a finger pressed to her lips to keep her quiet.
“Have I ever told you how sexy you look on stage?” Raleigh murmured, cupping her chin.
“Only a million times,” she teased, leaning in to press her lips against his.
“What about how proud I am of you?”
“Millions more,” she whispered, pulling him into a searing kiss, hoping that the sounds of their heavy breathing were drowned out and that an unlucky intern wasn’t curious enough to check it out.
#playchoices#platinum#raleigh carrera#raleigh x mc#platinumweekend#my fic#jade writes choices fics#pls don't read this with too close of an eye i wrote this rly quickly and for fun SKDFJSD#edit: im sorry if i tagged you and you didnt wanna be tagged !!! let me know if u wanna be removed
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I got a couple of different asks about Luke and Ahsoka in other side AU 10, so I guess I will just make it a regular post after all so I can answer all of them at once.
@slecnaztemnot:
Okay i just read your latest other side chapter and I wanted to ask about Ahsoka and Luke dynamics. I wonder what exactly where their heretics disagreemts about the jedi doctrine? while i can guess some of the stuff like attachements i guess i mostly see ahsoka as nonjedi and therefore someone who should not be attached to doctrine about attachements (haha) so i am wondering how you see her. i would actually love your take on how their first meetings went. continued in next ask, 1/2
1/2 continuation since most people write them as Ashoka immediately spilling the beans about the whole Vader situation to Luke and yours Ahsoka didn't. So I am curious what do you think Ahsoka feels about it. I got of course lot of it from the fic itself so i am mostly asking about how did you base your interpretation, if that makes sense and what led you to the narrative choices to portray their relationship in such way.
@comentter:
I'm most interested in what Luke and Ahsoka know about each other. Luke doesn't know much about Ahsoka obviously, but does he have any idea why she seems to hate him? He must be desperate lol. And how much does Ahsoka know about what happened on the DS2? And how much does Kanan know about these events? What was Hera able to tell him and what else did Luke and Ahsoka tell him? I always figure that everyone but Luke and a few people he told (like Leia) think the Emperor and Vader from the DS2 explosion.
I now have this image in my head of Ahsoka spending time with Rex and her laughing as Rex does something like tell a joke or a specific gesture. Then Luke walks by, does the exact same thing and Ahsoka is like "Of course, you'd do this stupid thing, you idiot!" :D
I think shortly before I started writing this sequence I had seen some cute art of Luke and Ahsoka hugging, which is a pretty common art trope and which has never sat quite right with me. I also have the tendency to want to do the opposite of common fanon, which I can’t leave out either. I also wanted to logic out what the hell was going on with Ahsoka’s charaterization in her Mando episode on a Watsonian level rather than a Doylist one (which I did a few weeks ago), even if other side takes place well before Mando and doesn’t intersect with it in any meaningful way.
When it came to the Luke and Ahsoka relationship (or lack thereof), it came down to three questions for me:
Who knows what?
What do they know?
When do they know it?
I made the decision early on in the chapter to leave Leia out of this relationship entirely, since the new canon seems to at this point in time (within a year of RotJ) be keeping it relatively quiet that she and Luke are siblings, and it’s not something that Hera would have a reason to know. (Note also that this entire sequence is told from Hera’s POV, which plays into the “who knows what when” angle.)
As per Rebels S4 (not the epilogue, because Mando’s thrown that out the window), Ahsoka knows (or has good reason to believe) the following:
Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader, Sith Lord
Darth Vader was directly or indirectly responsible for the genocide of the Jedi Order and the deaths of any Jedi who survived the Purge (”you and your Inquisitors saw to that”)
Padme Amidala is dead
Obi-Wan Kenobi is dead (Obi-Wan was not dead, but she has no way to know this)
no Darksider can return to the Light side
At the end of RotJ (not taking into account anything that happened in the comics or ancillary novels, which I’m not up to date on), Luke knows (or has good reason to believe) the following:
Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker
everyone Anakin ever knew is dead, mostly because of him
Vader returned to being Anakin Skywalker at the end of his life
(Leia presumably also knows all of this, perhaps with a few more details based on things her parents might have told her, but her feelings about Darth Vader are: Bad, Do Not Want, to be glib about it.)
Now, there’s one other factor here, which is Rex. Rex knew Anakin and knew Ahsoka and was in the Rebel Alliance -- we know that he was on Yavin IV prior to Luke’s arrival and we know that he fought in the Battle of Endor. (And turns up in a couple of scattered art panels from the comics.) If we want to take his brief appearance in Galaxy of Adventures with Han Solo’s strike force as canon, then he may have also known Han and probably Luke -- certainly his ears would have pricked up at the name “Skywalker.” (Okay, there’s one other factor, which is R2-D2, but Artoo never tells anyone anything despite knowing...everything. Or most things, anyway.) Rex doesn’t seem to know that Anakin became Darth Vader (I believe there’s an interview somewhere where Dave or Pablo or someone says that a meeting between Rex and Vader would be “awkward,” but there’s no canonical reason to believe that he knew about the Anakin/Vader connection), but he probably found out at some point that the 501st was the battalion involved in the assault on the Jedi Temple. He also, as of Rebels S3-4, assumes that Vader killed Ahsoka -- presumably Ezra would have told him as much as he could. (And Ezra does know that Vader is Anakin, so he may have told Rex that as well.) Rex also knows that Anakin Skywalker was having an affair with Padme Amidala, but presumably didn’t know about (a) the marriage or (b) the pregnancy, because how would he know?
Then we come to Ahsoka’s return and unfortunately the current canon gives us no time point for when it actually happened: presumably Ahsoka did not or could not return to the greater galaxy at the point she “left”, during the fight on Malachor (3 BBY), because as of Rebels S3-4 everyone still believes she’s dead. Maybe she’s still stuck on Malachor without a way to get off, who knows; maybe after S4 Ezra grabbed her into the World Between Worlds she decided to stay on Malachor until she ~caught up with the main timeline, which...you then have to believe that Ahsoka is going to deliberately remove herself from the war, which I can get to, but is not something I’m totally comfortable with. Or she pops out in the timeline at the same time that Ezra returns to the main timeline and is able to more or less immediately return to the main timeline narrative, plus or minus a few weeks. (There are, after all, still a couple of Advanced TIE fighters parked in the Sith temple, even if they were potentially damaged in the temple collapse. Ahsoka could have repaired them or used the comms systems to call for a pick-up -- this is, btw, what happens in Crown.) We don’t know when the S2 finale scene/S4 WBW scene of Ahsoka walking back into the temple actually takes place in the timeline; it doesn’t have to be at the exact same time as the rest of the S2 finale sequence (since obvs Vader dragging himself out, Maul flying off, and the Rebels crew looking sad doesn’t all take place at the exact same time).
Other side AU is deliberately vague about when Ahsoka returns from the World Between Worlds/Malachor/to the Rebel Alliance; it’s not stated in the story, but I made the assumption that she came back shortly after the (non-epilogue) end of the Rebels finale, but was still deeply messed up from her Malachor revelations. (Also, like, Sidious, I guess, but she was probably so messed up about Anakin/Vader that Sidious being around barely registered.) Since she never seems to have held a formal position in the Rebel Alliance, I assumed that after she returned and let everyone know she was still alive, she then immediately took off to try and figure out what the hell happened with Anakin at the end of the Clone Wars, since she saw him like a week before he snapped and at the time he seemed fine.
The problem is that almost everyone involved is dead.
Now, at this point (shortly before Scarif and ANH), a few people are still alive who then die shortly, but whom Ahsoka may have no reason to believe were involved. Bail Organa, for example, is still around, but aside from him being Padme’s friend Ahsoka doesn’t have a reason to know that Bail was there when Padme died -- and since they were in contact for the nineteen years preceding there’s no reason for her to assume now that he was keeping something for her. Back in the comics (before I stopped reading them), Vader did some digging to figure out what was going on with Padme and his child; Ahsoka probably would have done the same digging (without having to torture anyone), but without necessarily knowing that Padme was pregnant. Knowing the date of Padme’s death (same as the Republic, essentially), she may have had a previous assumption that Padme was assassinated on Palpatine’s orders, but knowing that Vader is Anakin probably moves that assumption closer to the truth, that Anakin was somehow involved in Padme’s death one way or another. Sooner or later Ahsoka will turn up the fact that Padme was pregnant, come to the obvious conclusion that Anakin was the father, and possibly find out the same thing that Vader does in the comics -- that the child was born before Padme died. (But also probably not that Padme was carrying twins, but even if she found that out, it wouldn’t make a difference.)
While Ahsoka is doing her digging (and there really isn’t much information out there to find), the events of Rogue One and ANH happen, and Ahsoka comes back to the Rebel Alliance to find out which of her friends are still alive. (Maybe Rex is with her at this point, who knows.)
Everyone in the Rebel Alliance is talking about some young hotshot named Luke Skywalker.
Luke Skywalker who has a very familiar lightsaber, who claims his father was Anakin Skywalker, and who had some kind of relationship with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who turned up on the Death Star, fought Darth Vader, and died.
Ahsoka has just spent the past few months trying to figure out what happened with Anakin, and as best she can reassemble the facts it mostly comes down to “Anakin did something dumb for Padme, that something dumb was ‘turn to the Dark Side and kill literally everyone,’ and then Padme died, the Republic was overturned, and the Jedi Order was wiped out.” Ahsoka presumably walks into a room, hears the name Luke Skywalker -- maybe sees him -- and is all at once face to face with the living evidence of just how badly Anakin fucked up.
This is just too much for Ahsoka to deal with at the moment, so she takes off again, and spends the next five years brushing in and out of the Rebel Alliance doing odd missions that can really only be done by a trained Force-user. Rex, who seems to have a more stable position in the Alliance, is always going to side with Ahsoka over anyone else; if she tells him not to tell Luke that she knew Anakin, he won’t. (And for that matter, he may have somewhat fraught feelings about Luke himself.) She may have the odd interaction with Luke -- who has heard that there’s another Jedi in the Alliance and wants to be friends/get real training -- but Ahsoka just does not want any part of this. It’s irrational! She knows it’s irrational! But this is the living evidence of Anakin’s failure, Anakin who last she saw him TRIED TO KILL HER, who was at least partially responsible for the deaths of everyone she ever knew. (And honestly, finding out that Vader topped it all off by killing Obi-Wan is not going to help.)
Ahsoka may also be feeling a certain amount of survivor’s guilt: if Ezra had not pulled her out of the Malachor temple at that exact moment, she came pretty close to bringing the temple down on both herself and Vader, and may have succeeded in killing him. She did not do so, and who knows how many people died because of that in the years between Malachor and Yavin? (Just because Tarkin was the one who gave the order doesn’t mean that Ahsoka may at least partially blame Alderaan’s destruction on Vader, if she knew he was on the Death Star then.) She knows he killed Obi-Wan.
The Yoda lineage is very good at going “yikes, I am going off to live alone and beat myself up over my failure for years” and Ahsoka is very much an example of that lineage.
She and Luke have a relationship of “Hi, I’m Luke Skywalker, do you want to talk?” and “I have to leave immediately,” maybe with the odd “please stop using that lightsaber grip it is physically painful for me to watch, do it like this instead, okay, bye.” Luke probably told all of two other people about what happened with Vader on the Death Star, Leia and Han; he has no reason to tell anyone else about it because it won’t matter to them. Why would he tell Ahsoka, whom he has no relationship with? He doesn’t know that Ahsoka knew Anakin Skywalker and would only know if one of four people told him: Ahsoka herself (no), Rex (no), R2-D2 (maybe), or Admiral Ackbar (would never have occurred to Luke to ask, might have occurred to Ackbar to say). (We also don’t know that Mon Mothma knew Ahsoka very well, or at all, for that matter; they never interacted in TCW.)
As for her swinging harder into overt Jedi-ness by Mando after her blatant “I am no Jedi” of Rebels, it reads to me as a response to the Anakin/Vader revelation (especially the attachment thing). She had made certain assumptions in the TCW period (see her saving Rex in the TCW finale) and prior to Rebels; Kanan’s method of Jediness was something she could accept in the time period and in those circumstances; the Anakin/Vader revelation shattered all of that, followed immediately as it was by Kanan apparently going full Jedi self-sacrifice despite his attachments. (Her reaction to Ezra being a trauma response about two very different circumstances.) All of a sudden what she thought might have been mutable based on the circumstances became something that had to be adhered to in case of dangerous results, which she had just had brought home to her in extremely bad circumstances.
I made a crack somewhere about Mando’s central tension being between “being Mandalorian” and “being doing Mandalorianness”; I think in the post-OT period with Ahsoka and Luke we’re seeing something similar with “being Jedi” and “being doing Jediness.” Even if Ahsoka isn’t actively claiming the title Jedi anymore (because what does that accomplish in most contexts?), she’s leaning far more into the tenets of the Jedi Order -- which Luke doesn’t know and doesn’t know he doesn’t know.
Thus the doctrinal dispute.
Ahsoka grew up in the Jedi Order. That’s what she knows, that’s how she knows how to be a Jedi; for her being a Jedi is being part of the Jedi Order, whether or not the actions associated with performing Jediness are being actively practiced. Luke doesn’t have that context. For Luke, being a Jedi is...being doing Jediness. (This is super awkward phrasing.) Performing the actions of a Jedi. Luke has a few holocrons, but I’m guessing that a lot of what is on those holocrons makes the assumption that whoever is opening with them has the context of being a part of the Jedi Order and doesn’t explain really basic stuff about the Order or what that means. Luke’s Jedi Order is not going to be the Republic Jedi Order made anew; it’s going to be something that has a resemblance to it and is based on a similar view of the Force, even arguably its heir, but is just not going to be the same thing. It can’t be. Luke doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.
Kanan, of course, is coming into all of this from a similar context as Ahsoka: he grew up in the Jedi Order, it’s what he knows, it’s who he is. Except Kanan never walked away from the Order, so while Ahsoka had been disconnected from her Jediness at the time of the Purge, he never lost his -- part of Ahsoka’s tension from TCW S7-Rebels was “I can’t be a Jedi because the Order is gone” and Kanan’s was “can I be a Jedi without the Jedi Order?” (Ezra is a whole ‘nother thing but is somewhat outside the scope of this.) The Jedi Order never factors in Luke’s Jediness at all. (There’s some lineage doctrinal dispute here as well -- the Yoda lineage seems to be very closely connected to the Order as the font of Jediness, the Windu-Billaba lineage somewhat less so. The Yoda lineage is like...the hardcore conservatives of the Jedi Order, though, and are probably not typical.)
Poor Kanan came back from the dead, after a week in another universe (which had its own problems; he’s been trying to very gently convince his counterpart that even after being an Inquisitor for months he can still be a Jedi), into Luke trying to build a new Jedi Order from scratch, Ahsoka firmly believing it couldn’t and shouldn’t be done and not wanting to be in the same room as Luke at all (not to mention that she really did not believe that they should have gone for “hey, let’s send Hera Syndulla to another universe” as even being an option), and both of them having essentially incompatible notions of being a Jedi at each other -- this is probably the most time Luke and Ahsoka ever spent in each other’s presence. They’ve probably never articulated their problems at each other, just assumed that the other knew them. And Kanan has his own “how to be a Jedi” approach, which is from a very different than either Ahsoka or Luke because despite originating from the same context as Ahsoka, he had a very different path to get to his present position.
As for what Kanan knows -- uh, pretty much only what Hera knew, and Hera knew very little? She was friendly with Luke and Leia, but didn’t have much interaction with them -- she states that she had a tendency to avoid Luke because even if she would never say it to Luke’s face, she silently believes that if any Jedi should have been in the Rebel Alliance, it should have been Kanan and Ezra and not this relative newcomer. If the Death Star 2 news about Vader and Palps was never common knowledge, then Hera wouldn’t have known it. Kanan’s in a position of having to play catch-up, but also having a completely different priority (finding Ezra). He sat through this meeting where after they’d finished grilling him on “you were in ANOTHER UNIVERSE and also you CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD?” they politely sniped at each other with a bunch of context he didn’t have and flat out decided that wow, he did not want to deal with this at all, whatsoever.
(This is also not stated in the story, but Luke and Ahsoka also disagreed about whether Jacen should be trained or not: Luke said, yeah, of course, when he’s a little older! and Ahsoka said nope, he’ll be fine, it will go away. Hera was just very “...I will deal with this later” about it since it wasn’t an urgent issue.)
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of breakable clay [extended author's notes on chapter viii of castles]
oh my god. it’s out. jesus christ.
okay first off, before i dive into anything, i know i’ve already done this in the actual a/n but i would like to wholeheartedly thank @whiffingbooks over on discord for helping me with figuring out the structure of things fic. although i have to admit i did not, at all, do what i told you i would do, talking it out was massively helpful in figuring this one out, so thanks a million. secondly, i would like send all of my most sincere and affectionate thanks to @whizzfizz on here, who mother-of-god basically designed this entire chapter and listened to me rant, and rant, and rant about it for days on end without complaining. i’ll go into a bit more depth later on, but THANK YOU.
now, a few facts on this chapter before i dive further in:
wordcount: 19168. i legit would apologise for this but i promised i wouldn’t so i’m not going to. that’s growing up people. don’t apologise for yourselves haha.
soundtrack: so i’ve never mentioned this but each chapter kind of has a soundtrack? like a song that i listened to on loop while writing this. here, i would basically point you to the entire spotify of a band called barns courtney (there’s one album and a few eps), i basically listened to all of their songs on loop this past month. i feel like they have such a strong gryffindor energy, in the good, the bad and the ugly. this chapter is definitely sort of an ode to gryffindors so their music was a very big inspo. if i had to point you to one song, it would probably be dopamine.
favourite line: ‘I dig my fingernails into the inside of my palms and it feels like the blood that comes out is already boiling.’
what is this chapter about? now, that’s an easy one. survival.
okay, now, spoilers under the cut.
ugh. holy fucking shit. i’m actually at a stage right now where i strongly believe that no one on earth will want to read this because everyone probably hates me right now for the choices that i made, especially after i made you wait almost three months for this shit. i always feel like whatever i’ve put out was the hardest chapter to write so far but this one was really out there in terms of struggles - i’m really sorry it took so long, but here we are.
there are reasons, though. first, as i said in my may round up, i didn’t really start writing this until about a month ago, because a lot of things were happening in my life that i needed to take care of. i took exams (which i passed!!!!), my mum had a health emergency, ireland added france to their mandatory quarantine list (it has been removed as of yesterday thank. fucking. christ) and i started a new job. it was a lot.
anyway, this being said, when i did get to writing this chapter, as mentioned above in the thank-you section, i kind of first struggled with the structure of it. now, you will see this is a recurring theme this time around but for this, my instincts were telling me one thing, and my brain was saying something else.
basically, what came first here wasn’t the actual content of ginny’s letters (more on that, obviously, in a minute) but the ‘mood’ i wanted for the chapter. i wanted to recreate, both for harry and for the reader, this sort of idea of being completely immersed in a book or a story. like, you know the kind of mood where reality just kind of blends out, where you start reading something and just. cannot. stop. i don’t think he’s much a reader (at least not canonically) and so i wanted this to take him by surprise, for her to take over his life with her words. i explained in the previous a/n [link] i chose to have ginny’s war be told through letters (basically, i thought it would be the best way to narratively tell her story), and i really wanted harry to experience what she’d lived through almost first hand.
now, interestingly, my idea for how to do this originally was to have the letters sort of be interwoven into the events of 1999, throughout the next couple of chapters (meaning this one and chapter nine). i had this idea in my head of him living through ‘real life’ things but not being able to take his mind off her letters, with the letters also sort of echoing the events that were happening in 99, etc. having the two plot lines develop at once and meet in the middle, kind of.
and i tried to write that. for a long time. spoiler alert, it didn’t work. i think the reason is that every time i sat down with it, i felt like i was doing a disservice to both stories. i mean: 97/98 is important, but 99 also is, you know? and by taking the narrative in and out all the time, it was like you couldn’t concentrate on one thing. it was just very messy and didn’t have the intensity i was originally aiming for because it kept being dragged out of whatever was the main action at the time. i wanted harry to get sucked into the narrative, for her letters to take over his life, but in the end, the impression i just got was that the whole thing was confusing af. instead of deeply caring about both, i couldn’t bring myself to care either for ginny’s story, or for his.
also, i just kept hitting a wall: a wall called harry. basically, i knew that the next two chapters (i.e. eight and nine) would stretch from january 99 to june 99. and for the love of god, no matter how many times i turned it around in my head, there was - to me - no way that harry as we know him would just pace himself to read her letters throughout all those months. like, harry fucking potter isn’t the kind of guy who ‘paces’ himself. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t sleep for a week to get through it all, you know? this is everything that he’s wanted to know since last may, he’s been desperately looking for answers up to this point, there is absolutely not way in hell that he’d wait it out nicely until june. it felt ooc to have him read the letters over a few months. and i just kept hitting that wall over and over. i considered, at one point, building him reading the letters into flashbacks but flashbacks of flashbacks were, again, quite messy, and i don’t think her letters would ever be something he’d volunteer to re-read, so. clearly, it wasn’t working.
then, i think on a random sunday a few weeks ago, i just went back to the drawing board and was like: okay, say we just write all of the letters and go from there, what would happen? by the end of the day, i’d written 12,000 words and that was that, really.
now, the second difficulty, once i’d decided that was…. what you all probably want me to talk about.
i know this is probably not what you want to hear but: i didn’t really plan this? like, i understand that a lot of people have sort of a headcanon about what happened to ginny in that year in hogwarts but i … don’t. like, as planned as this fic is (which it is, i know where i’m going, i promise) that was always a bit of a blank-space-tbd in my head. i think that this story, as hinny as it is, is mostly about harry. and while i knew what i wanted for harry from her telling her story (for him to get sucked in, for him to realise that his war wasn’t the only war in the world ‘cause he’s been bloody self-centered so far, for him to realise that his plan to protect her didn’t exactly work because it didn’t cater for who she is, etc.), i wasn’t really sure what that story was. i mean, i knew it was going to be bad and traumatic, obviously, but i didn’t know what would happen. and still, to me, what i wrote is a version of that year. it’s not really my headcanon (i still don’t really have one), and i definitely accept other versions, if that makes sense.
this being said, i obviously had thought about it a little. i remember writing chapter one with that line: ‘They have sex for the first time, that day – his first time and it feels like hers, too, but he wouldn’t dare ask, not anymore, anyways’ and thinking i wanted to leave the door open. to me, it was a door completely open: it could have indeed been her first time, or she could have seen someone else (consensually) during that year, or she could have been assaulted. i honestly didn’t know but yeah, that was always a possibility in the back of my head.
then, to tell you the truth, when i wrote the first version of this chapter (the 12,000 words i mentioned earlier), it wasn’t there. i sat down and decided that i wasn’t going to go there. firstly, because, while you probably don’t know this, i’ve written about sexual assault before. my previous long fic, children, in another fandom, dealt (in part) with that. and i didn’t want to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault. especially because trust me, there are people who are a lot more legitimate to talk about this than i am. i also didn’t feel like it was necessary to the story, i could do without it and still explain ginny’s early behaviour in the fic, explain her trauma, and have harry realise the things i talked about before. secondly, i’ll be honest: i know this isn’t what people in this fandom want to read. the hinny pairing is mostly about love and fluff (which i love, btw, don’t get me wrong) and i was like, ugh, i don’t want to face the angry comments. i’m writing this a/n the morning before posting so i admittedly don’t know what the reaction will be but i do anticipate a lot of annoyance with me. i knew that a lot of people wouldn’t like it if i went there, and it was just easier not to.
but then, as i started editing, there was a comment (and this, ladies and gentlemen, is a testament to how much your comments fucking matter, okay?). a comment that i remembered reading on the previous chapter and could not get out of my head, no matter how much i tried. well, hello, @whizzfizz. i’ll happily give credit where credit is due. it read:
This made me think of something you mentioned earlier in the fic (possibly Ch1) about Harry not being sure if he was Ginny’s first but that it felt like it. I wonder if this is something that is going to come up in her letters to him.
and, so, it turned. around and around in my head, and i couldn’t get it out. and i kept saying to myself: no, you’re not going there. no, you’re not going there. and then, one night, i caved. i was like, fuck, i need to know if this person really meant what i think they meant by this. and so we talked. a lot. and, i did a lot of thinking. about women. about wars. about violence against women as a an inevitable weapon of war. about ginny being harry’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend (more on that later), and what that would have meant in their world. and @whizzfizz, you said something that in the end really sold me. you said: ‘at this point, i don’t think it would be realistic for it not to have happened.’ and, that was that, really.
because i was right, initially. amycus/ginny (ugh, the idea of a pairing makes me throw up in my mouth a little but yeah, there it is) isn’t necessary to the story. but i believe it to be necessary to what this story is trying to show. the plot held well without it, no questions asked. 12,000 words of the da and their battles, of ginny’s rebellions. it was fine. but i think i wanted more than fine. to me (and i appreciate how fucking pretentious that is, please slap me in the face *eyeroll*), castles is more than its plot. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: this is about what is behind ‘all was well.’ it’s about trying to paint a realistic picture of their lives. and that includes the war. and realistically, as far as i’m concerned, knowing how humans fight their wars, knowing our history and the history of violence against women construed as a weapon in literally every conflict there ever was, there is no way that this didn’t happen. ginny says it herself: for us girls, it’s just the way wars are fought.
so, i did go there. and the whole fandom probably hates me for going there, but i sort of stand by it, i have to say. to be honest, on a sort of subconscious level, i kind of wonder: didn’t i always know i was going to go there? like, this fits perfectly into the plot to the point that i think it was probably in my head for much longer than i care to admit. now, i’m so, fucking excited to write next chapter because i finally get to write happy things, and hinny getting back together on rock solid foundations of openness and sharing, and trust, and i’m so, so glad. there are a couple of scenes in the next chapter that i’ve been working towards for months and i’m so, bloody excited to write them. everyone might hate me and i might just be writing this fic for myself now (lol), but again, i stand by the decisions i took. to me, it fits.
phew. okay, now that huge thing is out of the way and explained, here are a few more jumbled thoughts:
the more i think about it, the more i think that my reason for not wanting to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault is a bit ridic. children and castles, in that way, are so, so different. like, i appreciate the overlap between the silk fandom and the hp fandom is probably ridiculously small but if you’ve read both stories, they’re obviously very different. one thing that both stories centre on, though, is consent. and to me, that’s probably the most interesting element of ginny/amycus, and the most interesting element of writing characters within a restrictive pov, rather than an omniscient one. like, do i think ginny/amycus is rape? yes. 100%. do i think that ginny thinks it’s rape? that is a much more interesting question.
she says it a number of times but i think to her, this is all about control. i think that because of what happened to her with tom, she’s someone who is terrified of losing control of her mind and of her own agency. so as not to lose that, she’s willing to do whatever it takes. it is a ‘you can control my body, but not my thoughts,’ sort of narrative. and, she never says it outright because i think psychologically she’s just not there yet, but tom is everywhere in these letters. and as her world just spirals out, she hangs onto the very few things that she can control: her relationship to harry, and her willingness to do what it takes for them to survive. she initiates the ‘relationship’ with amycus in an attempt to control her fate. later, as she explains to harry she feels a lot of guilt over what she did, and like a lot of sexual assault survivors, she thinks it was her responsibility. because i’m in harry’s head most of the time for this fic, i’m not sure i’ll ever really get to discuss that at length, but it’s definitely something that i wanted to show.
another interesting question is: does harry think it’s rape? i think at that point in the fic, he doesn’t have the education, nor the vocabulary for that. i think instinctively (because he is someone who is very instinctive), he doesn’t blame her. if he blames anyone, it’s probably himself. he understands the necessity to do what you have to do to survive and thinks that no, no matter what she claims, that was not consented. that’s kind of what comes out in his annoyingly inarticulate letter to her at the end. beyond that, though, i think he’s a bit lost, just like she is.
on a mildly related note, there is something that i've been seeing a lot in the comments and that i feel like i should maybe address? namely: harry's reaction to ginny dating other people. i assume similar comments will be made about his reaction to ginny/alecto (meaning that he still decides to write to her, at the end of the chapter). i've seen a lot of people observe that he's much more 'chill' about it in castles than in canon. fair point but is he, though? like, he isn't happy about it in castles. and he's jealous as well. but he was never entitled in canon. he was jealous, yes, the chest monster and all that, but he never really did anything about it, and never really impeded on her right to see other people. now, this being said, i agree that in sixth year he might have thrown a tantrum, had she done what she did in castles, but that was sixth year. it was before the war. before he lost half a dozen people. before he had to adult bloody fucking quickly.
this being said, i do think castles-Harry is more 'subdued,' i suppose, than canon harry. this is a choice i made early on, which to me is related to the fact that he kind of lost his 'voice' during the war. i mean, it took him six months of people talking shit behind his back to do a press interview to defend himself. i think with ginny, it's a lot of the same. he's a boy who blames himself a lot, and generally doesn't particularly think he deserves the people in his life. to me it's an evolution of his character within the the world of castles. i'm happy to agree to disagree on it, but to me it makes sense within the character evolution and the way the fic's gone, so to speak. now, obviously, he'll grow out of that in due course, but we're not quite there yet.
regarding their relationship, now, i have to say: one headcanon that i did have for this was her not outright telling everyone they’d broken up. i’m sorry, that plan was shit. i just don’t buy for a second that she would willingly have gone ahead with it, and i don’t buy for a second that tom wouldn’t have used her had he known they’d been together, ex girlfriend or not. plus, i think she needed something to hand onto, and that was her relationship with him. her letters. the belief that they would be together again. without it, i don’t think she’d have survived. and i think that summer after the war, they were totally on the same page, for different reasons. both of them kind of saw their relationship as the one thing that kept them afloat, the one good thing they had, partly also because they’d idealised it for so long. she says it as some point, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a lifeline (another sentence i came up with as a response to a comment, lol) and while that is toxic and was meant to crumble at some point, it was necessary for them, both during the war, and in the early days after it. i think her last letter to him is painstakingly correct on that one.
regarding canon, i know i’m bending a couple of things here, which i just wanted to quickly acknowledge: 1) i know jkr has said it’s teddy remus lupin. i just can’t believe, for a moment, that someone who hated himself as much as lupin did, canonically, would name his son after himself. naming his son after his best mate who died to young to become problematic though? i totally see it. so yeah, creative licence, it’s teddy james lupin in this house, lol. 2) when they meet neville in dh, he kind of hints that they’ve only just started to use the room of requirement a couple weeks ago. the text however, only says they’ve only been staying in it full time a couple of weeks ago. i needed them to have somewhere where to meet with the da and stuff, so i bent that a bit. it’s not strictly canon, but it’s also not not canon, if that makes sense.
on seamus blowing things up and talking about eight hundred years of oppression? full disclaimer, while i am french, i have been living in ireland for long enough to become eligible for citizenship in less than six months (yay!). i know some people have said that seamus is a bit of a cliche in the books/films and all (the only irish character keen on blowing things up, haha *eyeroll*), but i actually kind of love it? like, the whole thing about the cranberries and zombie at the start of the fic has been in my head for much longer than i care to admit. i love the idea that there’s this whole muggle war going on at the exact same time that no one ever talks about and actually, i find the idea of wizarding ireland v. muggle ireland and the whole political structure fascinating. like, is wizarding ireland an independent state? what’s the story there? i have a whole seamus fic in my head, partially on this topic, that i might or might not write one day.
lastly, i know this may sound a bit weird but i need to say it: once i’d figured out what and how i was writing it, i bloody loved writing this chapter. first stylistically, i really wanted to mimic the style of how i’d written the magazine article in chapter 5 (i.e. not writing out the whole thing but writing out in text the excerpts that harry focused on) and i love how that turned out. i think it was a good way to balance her words and his, kind of merging them into one, big narrative. second, as a writer, it was so fucking interesting to write someone who knows how to write, which believe it or not i’d never done before. additionally, i loved the challenge of editing this because it was like: i’ve got to edit this, but not too much? i was very careful about modifying and polishing too much of ginny’s speech in the letters because i obviously wanted it to sound like someone who was just writing as the words came to her, without polishing the words, the punctuation, etc. like i usually would. i wanted her to have quirks (she says ‘you know?’ a lot) and i played with her capitalisation and punctuation a bit too. i know these aren’t necessarily noticeable details but it was definitely something that i thought about and that was very fun and interesting to write, as a format.
wow, okay. this was LONG but i think i have everything i wanted to say. if you’ve read all of this (whyyyyy?), thanks so much for sticking around. if you’ve got any questions, anything i didn’t address, do let me know, anon or not, my ask box is open. now, i would love to say i’m going to chill or something, but the truth is that i have to a) actually do a last read through of the fic, lol and b) put it out. this is what i get for writing the a/n before finishing the damn thing, i guess. i’ll rest tomorrow, lol.
lastly, in terms of next chapter, realistically, i’d say eight to ten weeks. i have a full time job now and also, writing this was fucking exhausting and i need to take time out for a bit before coming back to it with a fresh mind. i will be writing other stuff though, i promise. i have a couple of prompts to get to (thanks!!!) and a couple of other ideas so i will probably be posting in the meantime, just not castles.
lots of love,
p.
#castles#extended an#writing#fic#its out#holy shit#byyyyyye#I have not proofread this so we die like men eh
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@izzabizz139
I wanna hear you rant about the Gin vs Hitsugaya anime fight bc I love seeing your pov and you clearly write better than whoever extended that scene :) pretty please
out of character. DON’T ENABLE ME SO MUCH !! No but I cackled when I first saw this ask because oh my god, clearly you saw a taste of my annoyance about the anime adaptation -- no, adaptation implies it was accurate, I’ll say the anime’s take was “inspired by” the manga’s quick run-in. I’ll start by saying this moment is supposed to be a bit important considering, via the audience’s point of view, THIS IS THE FIRST WE SEE OF TWO CAPTAIN-RANKED SHINIGAMI CLASHING. The only other captain-involved fight we’ve seen thus far in the manga is Kenpachi ( who is an outlier and should not be counted... no, I joke... but, still, Ichigo was not an equal to him, his sword was sliced through like butter. ) The whole reason I enjoyed this encounter between Toshiro and Gin was simply this; it wasn’t some fancy multi-chaptered fight. IN THE MANGA, THERE ARE ONLY TWO BLOWS MADE. One, by Toshiro, to begin the fight. The second, to end it, is Gin’s strike.
I want you to know that I’ve rewatched this specifically to answer this ask, and only due to this, as I wouldn’t have ever sought it out otherwise. HONOR MY SACRIFICE.
Read more for length. I’m merciful.
In the anime, they monologue at each other, and it’s mostly a combination of Toshiro making three separate death threats ( he starts this off by saying “I’ll kill you before Hinamori arrives” and then goes on rewording it each time, and then also repeats the death-threat he gave Gin prior to this conflict about “I’ll kill you if Hinamori bleeds” ) and then also Gin and Izuru talking about how truly powerful and amazing Toshiro is -- no, this isn’t me being bitter or petty, I literally shit you not, Gin has a line that is legit “AS EXPECTED FROM HITSUGAYA TOSHIRO, CAPTAIN OF THE TENTH DIVISION, A CHILD PRODIGY OF TH' SORT THAT ONLY COMES ALONG ONLY ONCE EVERY FEW CENTURIES. HOW VEEEERY DANGEROUS. YOU’RE SERIOUS, AIN’T YA?” like don’t get me wrong, love a good sarcastic little shit comment like that, but the amount of times the anime pumps Toshiro up like he’s their shinest new cash cow ( and he is, at this point, it is not even 50 episodes into the series and they’ve realized everyone likes him and he’s jumped to high ranks in popularity polls... earning him filler spotlights, and eventually his very own non-canon movie ) so everything coming out of Gin’s mouth feels like more bullshit than necessary. Izuru’s already literally monologued, internally, how powerful and amazing Toshiro is anyways. Why this ?
Not to mention that, prior to saying that long-winded shit, Gin’s haori changed length three times ( and once it was longer than his entire body by several feet, and no not in a ‘to show motion’ way ) and most importantly Shinso was drawn, consistently, at katana-length for the duration of their little spat where the following, too, happened: Gin frog-leaps after doing a backflip, Toshiro gives Gin two (2) haircuts, Gin ruins some floorboards and gives Toshiro at least one splinter in his arm, Toshiro whilst wearing socks lands on Shinso’s blunt edge and pushes the sword down with his footsie because that’s how that works, there’s another backflip somewhere in there that Gin doesn’t need to be doing, twirl, twirl, and ballet, Gin’s face elongates until his chin is bigger than his face, Gin spends ten+ seconds purely dodging very close strikes to his face as Toshiro is the only one making breathy growly and ‘tsuuaaah’ sounds, there is a brief moment of no gravity as Toshiro keeps hacking at Gin midair and Gin blocks it over and over again but they still stay in the air but they’re not standing or jumping or using reiatsu they’re just like, momentum-locked I don’t fucking know, Gin frowny faces as he blocks because like somehow this kid who doesn’t even have more reiatsu than him, whose arm strength should not be an issue, is like. making him nervous?? as sword sparks fly. if you know me at all you know I hate when they fuckin’ firework sparkler-ify swords clashing.
Anyways, all of this happens whilst Shinso is the wrong length and Gin’s hair is getting purpler by the second and this entire thing is somehow a big jack-off to Toshiro’s immense strength even though he’s screaming and wailing at Gin like a child and Gin’s just a vessel at this point to Enhance Toshiro, which, fine, okay, but at least be more accurate with it god damn. ANYWAYS,
THEY JOUST. They literally run at each other, swords centered, and run past / to the side of one another. Jousting. “Cause that’s how that works. No slashes, no cutting motion. Just swords centered, because the animators were like “no worries guys I know swordfighting basics that’s a legit pose” yeah it is WHEN STATIONARY. Not rUNNING IT DOWN.
And then Gin’s sleeve is cut, somehow, from the Jousting, because wow Toshiro wow wow wowowowow, and then Toshiro comes back and starts wailing at Gin again and Gin blocks it, again, and it’s all very annoyingly repetitive, and Gin’s frowning and sparks are flying and Gin’s using Shinso, the katana-length wakizashi I guess, with two hands because like I said, the animators knew basics and basics are “katana are used two-handed” like. Okay, you’re not wrong, but I cannot stress this enough: SHINSO IS NOT A KATANA. It’s shorter and meant to be used single-handed!!!! sTop!!! So then Gin rips off the tattered part of his sleeve and throws it at Toshiro, who swipes it away from his face using his Zanpakuto because that’s intelligent and a piece of cloth was definitely threatening enough to use your sword to bat it away ( btw, Hitsugaya wasn’t holding his sword with two hands at this precise moment, so he could have just... used his other hand ) and then Gin goes in for the classic “stabby stabby rapidly at you while the animation gets a little breather because we repeat this cycle a few times with flashy bgs and phew money made” ... WE ARE FOUR MINUTES AND THIRTY SECONDS INTO THIS FIGHT BY THE WAY. Gin does this for seventeen (17) agonizing seconds straight. Yes, I counted. That was sixteen and a half too many seconds for me, personally.
Toshiro somehow lassos Shinso whilst Gin is stabby stabby-ing with Hyourinmaru’s chain component. I say component like it’s somehow some type of beauty guru’s lipstick holder, but really am I that wrong ? When else has he ever used this feature ? Anyways, he lassos Shinso because yeehaw I guess, god I’m falling apart at this point can y’all tell????? I need a drink.
and so, because now Toshiro has Gin’s sword somehow trapped with chain even though it’s just looped around it, he backflips over Gin for a cool trickshot, no blow issued, just vibes, and Gin uses a big brain moment to tug Shinso and the chains slide off. okay now what. We’re past five minutes into this fight, nonstop.
SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME FOR GIN TO PAUSE AND APPRECIATE TOSHIRO AGAIN! “I see, I shouldn’t have underestimated you, HItsugaya Toshiro” I’m starting to have a feeling Gin’s VA was told to just wing these lines because the amount of times he fills silences / Gin’s mouth movements with Toshiro’s long-ass name is astounding, he’s definitely drawing blanks here but he sure as hell knows one thing: that damn ice-boy’s name. He continues by saying “I suppose I’ll end up regretting it afterwards.”
Toshiro says that’s not enough, and it’s really dramatic and cool. His eyes even glow all icy and blue and pretty, like his flowy reiatsu. Aesthetic points were gifted entirely to Toshiro’s animations in this scene. Gin was finished in MS Paint and each new scene they had to draw Shinso from memory and try to remember what hue of purple his hair was at gunpoint. Toshiro lets off a big wave of reiatsu and then it vanishes, and he jumps up reaaaally high. like this guy’s flying. his eyes arent glowing anymore that’s sad. Bring Back Glowing Eyes For Strong Shinigami 2k21.
Toshiro releases his Shikai, and it’s badass, the sky darkens, Izuru looks distinctly more worried than usual, and Gin’s frowning with his teeth out like Bugs Bunny’s having a bad day, all is right in the world. Toshiro and his released Shikai have a nice moment for the Pics, and a big epic freeze frame blur moment happens with it all coiled and swirling around him. Wrow! ( click the ‘wrow’ it’s a link to my exact reaction ) Izuru narrates for the third time about how powerful Toshiro is, his reiatsu, his Zanpakuto being a deity who is only unlocked every few centuries. The strongest ice-type sword. Pardon the pun, but that’s... you could say, so cool.
It can even control the weather. So hey, next time it’s rainy, cold, icy, or snowing and you’re unhappy, it’s time to direct a big fuck you at Toshiro.
Gin dodges the first dragon, and blocks the second with Shinso because blocking water and ice with a sword makes sense right? This actually takes a solid amount of seconds as Gin cuts through the entire length of this ice dragon noodle. Things dissipate, and pause, too, to really drag this out. Surprisingly, this reveals that Gin’s made a boo-boo, his left arm’s frozen, which doesn’t even mean anything because Gin is right-handed, and Toshiro teleports himself behind Gin in true fighty fashion.
We have arrived at seven minutes and just under twenty seconds of this fight, and Gin turns, DOES THE UNTHINKABLE, gasp! He opens his eyes. His red, dull, evil, gray-eyebrowed with purple hair eyes, and shoots Shinso through its hideout spot behind his haori. This nearly takes off Toshiro’s eye and upwards of his head, but the little guy dives down fast. The rest happens in slow motion, supposedly, because it takes an eternity and people talk entire full sentences in its span of time.
Gin asks Toshiro if he’s sure he’d like to dodge that ( it’s a little late for that ) and says that Momo’ll die if he does. SHINSO SCRAPING ALONG AGAINST HYOURINMARU STRANGELY MAKES NOT A SINGLE SOUND. Mute. Even though before they had no problem animating and adding sounds to them smacking blades earlier. There are soundless sparks though, so there’s that. Yay. Can you tell how exhausted this’s made me? I need a nap.
Shinso is already more than halfway towards Momo, still unconscious, she most definitely has a serious concussion via Toshiro backhanding her midair consider she’s been unconscious for longer than ten minutes. Toshiro has time to get up off the floor where he dropped to dodge, realize with a shocked gasp, turn, shout her name, and watch as Rangiku arrives in a random glow of gold which never happens ever again and blocks the attack with Haineko. Haineko almost cracks on the impact, and continues growing in damage as Rangiku holds Shinso there, implying that she’s stopped it from reaching one-hundred sword’s lengths to pierce Momo. Yes I’m including that implication / note in here because we love to see Rangiku succeeding in life and being Not-Helpless, all while potentially damaging Haineko severely if it wasn’t able to hold him off. Yikes, Gin!
Rangiku threatens to join the fight if he doesn’t withdraw his sword. Gin smiles, withdraws it, and then Shunpos away.
Whatta mess. Oh, and the anime fight was pretty fucked up, too.
This is a long post, but here’s the manga version:
Toshiro leaps into the air,
This is where the fight actually starts between them:
And end.
Five pages. Two blows. Does not equate to ten minutes of non-stop fighting and monologues. Sometimes, and I mean this in the most unbiased way possible, less is more.
#[ out of character ] masquerade; hide your face#me: i wanna reply to things!!#also me with eyes glowing red: no.#long post#LOOOONG POSTTTTT...#4 pages.#of text.#im so sorry.
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fanfic tropes! identity porn, friends to enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, coffeeshop au (don't have to answer them all, pick what you like). hope work went by quickly :)
Ahhh! Thank you, anon!
Identity Porn
How likely am I to write it: Identity porn isn’t really a narrative kink for me, so I wouldn’t go out of my way to put it into anything, if it didn't come up naturally. Or if it would be funny.
What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: I don’t really have a lot of fandom I could do identity porn for, too, so that's the next problem I have. RoL doesn't go for it much, and neither do TMA or Witcher or SGA. In the MCU/marvel comics I'm kind of only invested in Characters that just superhero under their legal name, zero fucks given in all canons I'm aware of, so oops there. Hannibal, maybe? Hannibal might work. Altho I prefere season 2 era, with everyone vague degrees of aware of each other's bs and scheming like petty murder divas.
Friends to enemies to lovers
How likely am I to write it: Very unlikely. I think the only thing with this dynamic I like is Hannibal, as in, both Hannigram and Clannibal and Clannigram, but I don't think I'd really seek it out in fic or write it. I don't even know why, I should be into The Drama Of It All, but I'm just not.
What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Like I said, Hannigram/Clannibal/Clannigram, if it's something that retells an arc. I don't really do Ironstrange, but enemies to lovers or friends to enemies to lovers might be the only way I would, probably. They just don't get along in canon, and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why people ship it so much. Also why is their Doc always ooc. Enough moaning, I'll stop, I'll stop. Have fun ya'll, but stop the goddamn cross/mass-tagging. There shouldn't be that much Ironstrange in the gen tag, ya hear me?
hurt/comfort
How likely am I to write it: VERY LIKELY. Hmmmmmm give me that good hurt/comfort.
What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Basically everything, lol. All my faves are idiots who need to be shipped with therapy and tortured with hugs. The Bev & Thomas fic is very hurt comfort-y, as is the Nonromantic-Soulmates WIP. Yes I know I never finish anything, shhhh. There's also an unfinished Strangewong fic in my drafts that's technically sick!fic (I MEAN ... what else lmao) and involves cuddling and soup and being sad about Endgame, so. Which, btw, is THE ONLY reason I will ever acknowledge that dumbassery masquerading as plot. To mine it for FRIDGE HORROR *evil laughter*. And then hand out soup.
coffeeshop au
How likely am I to write it: Relatively unlikely? I don't really do fluff without plot (and I'm down with emotions as plot or snapshots that reveal something halway and sideways), and incidentally the only version of this trope I ever started would need a Graphic Violence tag lol. (If it wasn't LANGUISHING IN MY DRAFTS.) So I think I might be doing this trope wrong. Also doesn't help that I have experience manning a beer-counter / drink station, so I fall hard in the camp of 'that's an awful place for cute/fluffy shenanigans, have ya'll ever worked customer service lol'-camp. I see the appeal, but I also ... don't.
What characters/ships/fandoms would I write it for: Like I said, the only one I ever started was low-key a joke, because I don't do the trope and the fandom didn't have (and still doesn't have) one, and also because, you know. Graphic violence.
Have the first four or so paragraphs of the very unfinished RoL Demi-Monde Coffeeshop ... pre-canon canon divergence. Is there even a tag for that kinda thing? Anyways. I think the best part about this is getting to write a snotty totally-an-adult!!!-Peter who has zero respect for anything and thinks Thomas is the most ridiculous person he ever met. No graphic violence yet, only canon-typical ableist language.
There’s a lot of reasons people hate working in customer service; The bad pay, the atrocious hours, the customers, the service.
I did about two year of it, first on-and-off positions in some retail shops around where I grew up, punctuated by getting dragged along to my mother’s cleaning gigs, and then later, about a year in a not-actually-fancy Coffee House near Russell Square. And I figured afterwards my stint in customer service and retail had, at the very least, taught my younger self some much needed humility and compassion.
I’m kidding, of course. It just confirmed the suspicions I held towards my fellow humans. Especially the kind that start magic duels in public.
Now, I worked in a Coffee House, not a coffeshop, which meant Management got to price everything even more ridiculous then the rest of the world, we played wannabe-jazz elevator music instead of pop and our clientele wasn’t weird and crazy but more slightly bizarre and very deranged.
Like that one vaguely East-European guy who thought combining windowpane and paisley was a grand idea and who we – that’s the staff – did certainly not call Dracula, or the posh black lady who came to pick up her coffee before heading into the City every morning, except for that one time when, I swear on my dad’s record collection, she was wearing a diving suit under her costume, and of course Mister Stranger-Danger, who was the reason younger cousins didn’t get to do their homework behind the counter any more.
Of course we got your everyday stroll-by white girls and hipsters, but our regulars where, as far as I could tell, decidedly posh, but mostly not yet fully upper class, and also completely batshit looney, is what I’m saying. No offence to actual crazy people, because they certainly don’t dress that badly.
That’s why I didn’t even bat an eyelash when one day someone walked into the shop who was either a time-travelling noir-spy or a runaway extra from Downton Abbey.
He was a white guy, in that inexplicable past-40 age range where I can’t tell their age for the life of me, with a side sweep that must have been held in place with actual pomade, and dressed in one of those sleek looking, old suits with the broad, deep lapels and incredible narrow waists. To round off the impression that he’d come over, lean homoerotically close and tell me the name of the Kraut’s informant any moment now, he’d draped a Burberry over his arm and lugged an actual, honest to god walking cane around the city. It seemed impractical to me, but who am I to judge people’s fashion choices; I’m only the barista.
He also had that stiff demeanour about him, which I’d taken as a sign of something shifty going on anywhere else. Here, in seven out of ten cases, and even more with posh dudes, it meant that he longed to order something utterly ridiculous, with a long name, six ingredient and maybe some speculoos dust uptop, but didn’t have the courage too. Honestly, the way grown men start acting once there’s pumpkin spice on the menu is hilarious – you’d think we’re selling sex toys under the table.
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Sorry for being unclear, but I wasn't at all implying that you are only making fun of 2D because Murdoc is your favorite. I was defending your viewpoint in case anyone is offended by your takes on 2D, which all have a canon basis and should be brought up, by saying that 2D is meant to be laughed at because Murdoc laughs at him in canon. I apologize for creating confusion; my message was meant to be only positive. (Btw, this is the one safe 2D stan; I am urging my fellow 2D stans to lighten up.)
That's okay! I'll usually answer things that as a way of making sure what I'm saying is clear too. I didn't interpret your ask as an attack, and I don't mind when someone disagrees with me. Sometimes, those conversations can be neat since there's potential to learn a different perspective.
For the most part, 2D stans have been pretty respectful to me, even when they're disagreeing. I can only think of one instance where someone was rude on anon, and that was back when I was writing TA, essentially getting mad at the fact that I wrote a scene where 2D yelled at Murdoc (I was "demonizing" him lol), which was funny since like, he spent a lot of the fic bending over backwards to him.
Tbh, I chalk it up to 2D stans having an entirely different fandom experience than the rest of the fandom (not unlike 2D himself haha). I'm sure it's not all 2D stans, but from the interactions I've observed over the years, and some of the asks I've gotten, they definitely seem more...sensitive that other groups of stans. Like, when you're a Murdoc fan, you get used to people making fun of him and dragging him and portraying him as a villain. Consequently, you’re challenged to think of reason why you like him. When you're a 2D fan, you're used to him being praised and empathized with and basically being a fan favorite. You aren’t challenged to ever question him or his “goodness.” So like, I can see why portrayals of him where he makes mistakes or is the one in the wrong, or even hearing someone say they don't like him, can be uncomfortable or result in some of them taking it personally, even if it isn’t exactly rational (imo).
But anyhow, ty for being an easy-going 2D fan. I don’t know of many of you, but those that I do are pretty cool!
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Supernatural - a retrospective
This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*
But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*
Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)
My top five
#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”
Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia
In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’)
I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.
#4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”
Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter
Supernatural has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.
I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue*
#3 - 6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”
Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund
Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.
I mean, look at this:
“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”
“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”
The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level.
#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”
Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough
I think of this episode every time I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying.
“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.
#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”
Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners
So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people.
But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?
Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.
Others--
15.18 - “Despair”
“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”
Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.
You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...
Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.
This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...
...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.
I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.
This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.
Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”
6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”
“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”
Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)
Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.
Then they never returned to that idea again.
“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?
Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?
Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.
Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)
Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?
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ok, hear hear me out: a child of aphrodite that is ace/aro/both. ill prob write this myself at some point but i wanna read your take (btw i think i accidentally sent this same question to your main non-writing blog so sorry if it looks familar)
This is such a great idea, I love it: check out @troopy-writes-kinda, the asker's writing blog, if you want to see more ideas like it in the future (shameless friend plug, if that's okay)!
Cari in Camp Half Blood (please suggest a better title)
Setting: CHB, practically canon, no major differences
“And here’s the Hermes cabin, where you’ll be staying until you’re claimed.” I waved towards the cabin, a small smile on my face as I remember my time there. “If you need me, I’ll be in the Aphrodite cabin — just come on over and I’ll sort it all out. But don’t worry!” I saw the expression on the young boy’s face and rushed to reassure him. “They’re all great people, I’m sure you’ll make loads of new friends. And if somehow you don’t,” I shrugged, pale cotton of my dress rubbing against my wide shoulders, “then you still have me. Okay?”
“Okay.” Kyle replied, a small smile on his face, before wandering into the cabin. A roar came from inside and I imagined him being greeted by 10 different people, all smiling and joking to make him feel at home. The thought made me smile with them, as I wandered back to my cabin.
“Cari!” I heard the rush of pebbles on the path; a smiling face threw themselves into my vision. “Cari, you’re back from school!”
“An hour or two?!” Sarah muttered under her breath, cursing the gods for letting her spend so long in the forge. “I need to make a watch that will last through all the heat...”
“What have you been working on instead?”
“Oh, just a gift.”
“A gift?” I was interested now, Sarah didn’t make things for others everyday. “Who for?”
“Sam.” She mumbled, and I nodded quietly. She’d told me of Sam before, a longtime crush who seemed blind to any advances. Honestly? I could see myself reacting the same way - I’d never understood or felt love as more than platonic, especially not for me.
“Ah.” I bit my lip, because this was when our conversations always became awkward.
“Anyhow...” Sarah wasn’t blind or insensitive, she knew to change the subject. “I’ll see you at dinner, okay? And be nice to us when you do cabin checks!” She rushed off with a wink and some finger guns, already putting her goggles back on. It wasn’t uncommon for people to come up to me as I walked around camp, I had a reputation for being a friend and advice giver. Frankly, I enjoyed it and the purpose it gave me... what else was a child of Aphrodite supposed to do except from deal with love, even if all she could do was with the platonic?
I wandered through the pink door and remembered that maybe not everyone liked me. It wasn’t my siblings that disliked me, of course not - they loved my identity, because it was a part of me. I suppose the fact that I was no competition for a crush helps too. Our cabin was neat as ever, apart from the space under our beds, with the same cloying scent of perfume that stuck to us each time we left; same pastel pink walls and lacy curtains; the same blue, pink and green colour scheme. Everything was the same, if you ignored the white marble statue hogging the space beside my bed.
"Where did that come from?" I asked, looking around to Lacy, one of my youngest sisters and the only other one there. She stayed year round, so she probably saw it arrive.
“Not sure, it just turned up one day.” She shrugged, putting her magazine away. I glanced over her shoulder, there were some really cool dresses in there. “It’s definitely a statue of mother, though, and we tried to move it but...” The girl trailed off, pushing against the statue with no result. I wandered after her, shoving my bag under the bed with a sigh. As I knelt down to do so, however, I noticed an inscription on the pedestal.
“Lacy, have you seen this?” I asked, having her kneel beside me. It crumpled her outfit, but she didn’t seem to mind at all.
“No? I don’t think so, it’s not like we checked under your bed or anything.”
“Okay.” I bit my lip, slightly annoyed. Here was some mysterious writing, hidden in shadow that made it illegible. “Will you help me move my bed?”
“I’m not sure we’re allowed...”
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. She was sweet, but always a little afraid. “We can move it back afterwards, don’t worry.” Lacy nodded, after a glance behind her, and I counted down for the haul.
“On three, okay? One, two...” We braced ourselves, because the bed surely wouldn’t be light. “Three!” We heaved, staggering because the bed was... somehow incredibly light?
“Woah!” Lacy gasped, adjusting her grip as we carried the bed into the middle of the room. “That’s freakishly light.”
“Yeah.” I replied, shocked but not fully listening. With the bed cleared, I only had to ignore my dusty mess to see the inscription. And it was... French?
“‘Tu es ma fille; je t'aime’? What does that mean?” Lacy asked with a terrible accent, looking towards me. I studied French in school; only a weak effort to impress our mother and feel more like her child. She’d claimed me three years ago, sure, but it seemed reluctant. Aphrodite’s sign had been faint, and there was no stunning makeover like all my siblings had. Just plain, boring Cari, tall and heavily built with clumsy hands. Speaking of which, my hand shook on its way to cover my mouth, eyes watering in surprise.
“I-it means...” I swallowed and removed my hand, letting the tears roll down my face. “’You are my daughter; I love you.’” That was a message to me? From my mother? Saying... she loved me? I had to read it again to be sure, wiping away the tears of joy and relief and straight up emotion that ran through me, the acceptance and validation dragging the crushing weight from my chest.
“Oh, Cari! I’m so happy for you!” Lacy squealed, arms wrapped around my waist in a hug, head barely reaching my collarbone. “Are you happy too?”
“Yes.” I breathed, inhaling and exhaling with the most glorious ease. “Yes, I am.”
I had to let someone else do cabin checks that night.
--------------------
Please tell me if you liked that! I’m not ace/aro so all I’ve written about it is from research, I hope I didn’t get anything wrong or offend anyone. If I did, please tell me (only if you feel comfortable ofc) via comment/ reblog/ message/ ask (anon is on)/ literally anything, because I’ll do my best to correct it. Same goes for the French: I used two online translators but I don’t know if they’re correct. Last but not least, I had She-Ra’s Scorpia in mind for Cari’s physical build, because I’m on Season 4 and am obsessed and Scorpia’s my favourite character (and I wonder where I got Kyle’s name from, huh?). Thanks for reading!
#cari in chb#does lacy have a surname?#lacy from aphrodite cabin#aphrodite#child of aphrodite#aphrodite cabin#fanfic#chb#sophiexwrites#aro positivity#ace positivity#oc#cabin 10#pjo#hoo#toa#camp half blood#oneshot#riordan universe#riordanverse#riordanverse fic#riordanverse oneshot#prompted#prompt
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