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hellcifrogs · 2 years

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NaruFox AU Konohamaru and Naruto’s first meeting(?)

#missed drawing them just being dumb ;u;#NaruFox #my art #konohamaru #team 7 #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #uzumaki naruto #naruto au #yamanaka ino #this is happy times before the storm #pls enjoy pls be patient

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loafbud · 10 months

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maaaan im so mad i cant play the freakin ice cream splatfest 💔💔💔💔💔💔 meh, guess it wasnt meant for me to play

so booooo fml as usual but GO TEAM VANILLA, WIN FOR ME AND LET IT BE A SWEEP ok

#splatfest #general post #i was at least able to join the team ingame right before the internet fucked up my switch ://#i couldnt even do sneak peek stuff #was hoping to play esp after the depressive stress that was life not wanting me to play the zelda fest #like??? literally evertime i tried to play that one there was a setback:#storm power outage.. irl stressing me out.. disconnects #and i was on team power too #smthn told me we were gonna have a sweep victory JUST from all the crap i had to struggle thru #THIS time around i cant even play the splatfest :'))#maaan see i can never be happy dawg LMAO #anyways have fun guys enjoy urselves #eeugh srry for the long rant over a freakin splatfest lol #mostly ranting about how unlucky my life is & this is just one of those unlucky things

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martwy-basen · 5 months

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i need ya'll to STAY WITH ME

we might not get another season of paper girls, but remember. lesbians will always come back stronger

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wildflowercryptid · 9 months

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⚠️ spoilers for some year 3 + 4 dialogue with gustafa's child below! ⚠️

[ some of the text in the second image is cut off, the full dialogue is likely meant to be "hold on a second. has gustafa been riding your coattails this whole time?" ]

no, because why is bea so brutal towards gustafa oh my god?? like you're really just gonna ask that question when he's within earshot??? 😭😭😭

#rock 🤝 gustafa <- designated sugarbaby in their relationship #does she talk like this about matt or gordy too or???#funny ha ha's aside i do think teen bea continuing to talk about gustafa like that would probably lead to them having a fight w/ tris #tris loves gustafa a lot and really respects his passion for music so they're more than happy to provide for him and let him focus on that #so bea's phrasing would probably agitate them in the moment and the situation would steamroll from there #(ya'll know how spats between parents and teenagers can go. 😓)#i can imagine gustafa coming home to see bea slamming the front door behind her and storming off #and then finding tris (who he's rarely seem actually angry before) fuming in their bedroom and starts putting the peices together #tris definitely apologizes to bea for getting angry with her after calming down and talking it out a bit with gustafa #they eventually talk it out together after bea has some time to herself and starts to understand her parents' relationship dynamic more #(it's hardly a one-sided transaction since gustafa keeps tris grounded and makes sure they're not running themself ragged w/ their work.)#maybe it also leads to bea being more curious about what gustafa exactly does as a musician so she starts asking him about it more 🤔#okay i'm gonna stop rambling in the tags i'm sorry i keep doing this ha ha #i just have a lot of thoughts about these guys and i have to get it out aaaa #story of seasons #bokujou monogatari #a wonderful life #sos gustafa #gustafa (awl)#oc : tris beckenbauer #chara : bea lantos-beckenbauer #🕹 : gamer time #mj.txt #awl spoilers

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cluescorner · 1 year

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Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him.

Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is.

Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario.

#idk #I just think that Kaeya's father is kinda an Asgore situation #where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome #also I want to clarify that both of the other interpretations that I parroted before giving my own thoughts are valid #because we are working with such limited information and yeah no shit people are gonna have differing thoughts #people have differing beliefs and perspectives on things which are CANONICALLY CONFIRMED to be clear situations with lots of info about it #so of course people are going to go in like 80 different directions with his character #BECAUSE WE HAVE NEXT TO NOTHING TO GO OFF OF #and basically every interpretation of him I've seen is pretty reasonable #Like yeah man's son is a child spy who was abandoned in a far away country for the purpose of being a spy for Khaenri'ah's interests #thinking that he was an abusive asshole isn't exactly unreasonable #nor is it unreasonable to believe that he was actually a decent man who left his son in Mondstadt as the 'only hope' of Khaenri'ah #because he just wanted Kaeya to live on and have a life outside of the Abyss #and Kaeya was mistaken when he thought he was simply being left behind as a pawn #Genshin is no stranger to unreliable narrators and this wouldn't be the first time a character story wildly mischaracterizes something #so like...both of those interpretations are valid #and pretty fair ones as well #But I think that it really is like an Asgore situation where yeah this guy sucks and he is an awful person who made so many bad choices #But also was left with nothing BUT bad choices through war and grief and other factors that were genuinely outside of his control #Sacrifice your son's childhood and happiness by forcing him to be a child spy and abandoning him in the middle of a deadly storm #or let your people (including yourself) rot away into nothingness while facing a fate worse than death while they all but scream to be saved #there are no good options #kaeya's father #don't take this too seriously I just really liked Undertale when I was younger and I'm getting Asgore vibes from General Alberich

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tswwwit · 2 years

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Are Dipper's successors destined to live in the Mindscape forever? Or can they live with Bill on the mortal realm, just like during Dipper's first life? if there are pics and videos of bill in his human body all over the internet then I'm guessing he's kind of like a celebrity...

They don't have to live in the Mindscape! They, along with current Dipper, get to spend time in reality or in the dream realm depending on what they prefer. Bill's place just has a lot of great amenities and a really kickass bed, so it's a convenient place to crash.

Also, Bill absolutely gets a reputation. You can't have Bill Cipher be in the mortal realm for decades on end without having a considerable number of noteworthy stories, after all.

#answers #Reincarnation!AU #One of the major things holding me up from writing some stuff I'd like to is that I really dislike writing action scenes #Because these two idiots definitely get up to a lot of action #I just prefer to lie facedown on the floor instead of writing a fight #One of the things Bill gets known for is absolutely party crashing #He's a big fan #Which leads in well to the latest dumb thing I've been thinking of #Where an incarnation of Dipper is roped into marrying someone he doesn't even like #The reason isn't important just know he's super not happy about it #And as he stands there sweating in an uncomfortable suit looking miserable and thinking of how shitty his life's about to be #The officiant starts in with the 'should anyone know why these two should not be married #'Speak now or forever hold your-'#Bill Bursts in with a big dramatic effect with the I Object!!!#Dipper has never been so happy to see an insane force of nature before (That he can remember)#Bill all storming up and literally punting the spouse-to-be out of the way #Nodding to himself and taking Dipper's hands - then turning to the officiant and going 'okay continue'#I like this for the moment of DIpper giving Bill the starry-eyed 'my hero' look right up until he realizes what Bill's pulling #At which point it instantly turns into a Wait What #They get declared demon and husband in record time and Bill throws him over his shoulder and strides off whistling #Enjoy your honeymoon guys

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ghosty-schnibibit · 7 months

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in honor of the halloween season, enjoy this rendering of me looking for one for one of the dogs in the main bedroom of the house i'm currently petsitting for and finding the masked dummy their eight y/o put on the nightstand that absolutely scared the shit out of me

#'this will only take two minutes to color' i said. 'i'll just clean up the lines and shade it a bit' i said. THREE HOURS LATER-#once again proving to myself that drawing creepy shit is where my art style works the best lmao #not my most polished work but for a quick doodle that took more time to color than i thought it would i'm happy with it #for context i have also babysat for them before and said eight y/o is a super sweet kid and absolutely put this up to prank me #and after i got over the abject horror i did think 'man he's going to be excited when i tell him he got me with that'#also this happened at like 10 at night and it was storming and the rest of the house also tons of halloween decorations up #my nerves they were a jangled #my art #i did take a picture of it but putting photos the interiors of other people's houses online w/o their consent a no go for me

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starlooove · 3 months

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ok I'm NOT much of a DC reader but your dukeblogging has convinced me. but do you have a reading list (DC has more crises than I do. it's intimidating) by any chance

YEAHAHSJS

Ok so like Im not a REAL dc blogger so I don’t really have my own reading list; I basically focus heavily on black characters across the board and then dive into wherever they’re from but I usually use other reading lists to do it and go at my own (slow ass) pace. For DC i started fandom only and then moved on to actually reading comics which is why my opinions are so strong there bc I KNOW WHAT YALL ARE LIKE!

Sorry but now for Duke specifically I KNOW there’s a specifc blogger who’s list I followed down to the T but I cannot remember their url rn so here’s a list/chart that has like. Listings for him specifically

That’s mostly to follow timeline but for me I think to get his character down u could do all star Batman, Batman and the signal, the outsiders, WAR and then branch out from there (but also saying this as someone who’s read most of it so like maybe I’m biased and missing or forgetting smth). I’m sorry if this isn’t helpful but as SOON as I find that reading list I’m posting it bc I swear I literally went down that list one by one.

Edit: the tags are part of the answer but I ran out of room so post tags;

- tbh when it comes down to it I personally try to absorb character by character and then put them all together at the end; it’s what I’m currently doing with green arrow (I know it’s been months y’all don’t call paw patrol I’m STUPID) and my plan for moving forward but also fully acknowledging this sucks as a way to interact with other established fans however. Other established fans have proven to be racist and misunderstand characterization and character interaction on a fundamental level SOMETIMES (BC y’all get mad) bc they’re so focused on their faves so in conclusion If I don’t find the specific lists I used I’d get them from stan blogs and then be careful cause u know everyone’s using their faves BEST comics so just remember this is what THEY think is the best or most accurate Interpretation and u don’t have to agree (RR the road home and YJ98 sorry to be shitting on them again. Not even them but how ppl read them. Diff story tho)

-but also despite me obviously shitting on certain characters runs or interpretations I think the best thing you could do is give everyone a fair chance. Blank slate in ur mind if ur JUST starting and see where u go from there but also remember to check ur biases and think about WHY certain things get included or retconned or explained away bc that’s where a lot of ppl falter in thinking their fave is just misunderstood or smth.

FOUND THE LIST sorry this has been in and out for the drafts while searching so in conclusion FR;

I hope this helped but I think I sound insane just please read these <3

#Oh I assumed u meant Duke reading list specifically #if more general Im a older era kinda man so shit like YJ….yj98. sorry yeah #i shit on it but I’m ALLOWed #NTT PLEASE READ NTT ALL OF IT LIL OUTFATED IN CERTAIN ASPECTS BUT PLEAAAAASE #sorry im so scattered on like timeline shit bc I literally just read integrate in my psyche and move on #like watching a show or smth i don’t remember episode names but I can tell you how it made me feel 💔#Yall Im the worst to ask for anything specific for ask my mutuals my memory is SHIT #im just gonna tell u how I got into it fr #i went to like specific character fans and literally asked for their personal reading lists for that specific character #and then i read through em (slow as hell mind you) and formed MY opinion from there #pros with this is if ur character driven and wanna flesh each person out fully before u interact with their dynamics as a whole this is 👍🏾#and u get small personal relationships that aren’t really spoken about when it’s the whole fam there (1)8 #(which is actually pretty rare like do not be fooled u don’t get the whole bat family storming in usually)#shit like tim and cass pre Jason revival fucking shit up with Helena #or steph and tim being the most toxic 13 yr olds you’ll ever find etc.#cons if ur memory’s like mine it’s GOING to fuck up timeline for u #like finding out bludhaven was being bombed and dick was having the WORST time of his life while Jason’s doing his red hood shit? changed m #‘where was bruce while tim was being tied up and almost assaulted?!’ he was dead! kind of!!#also genuinely get happy batfam outta ur head they have their moments there IS love there but going in with the view of a normal family #dynamic is gonna be worse overall. if u want happy family times honestly even more recent heinous shit like Gotham war has them more #familial than most other things even if it’s just to fuck it up. I’m never gonna Rec WFA but if ur gonna read it read smth with Duke and #Damián before that please.#ALSOOOOO as a prev fandom only remove everything from tim and Damian specifically from ur mind these bitches are lying #tim is fun and interesting when u approach him newly. finding everytime he drinks a cup of coffee is gonna drive u insane #YEAH THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY don’t let what u already ‘know’ impact how u read #timeline wise dynamics wise etc. walk in with a fresh pair of eyes bc imo that’s how u get to fully appreciate characters like Duke #SMTH U DO NEED TO KEEP IN MIND IS THE BIGOTRY! there will be in world explanations for why x is not misogyny and racism. we as readers #need to be able to dissect that and discuss it genuinely. like so much of tims first meeting with Damian or all of Stephanie in Gotham war #or even killing off Orpheus has in world things that make ‘sense’ but like we do with Catalina Flores #we use our critical thinking. actually smth i ALWAYS can talk about is the racism like that’s where my memory serves me ALWAYS

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lamphous · 4 months

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me thinking myself clever for catching onto accidental foreshadowing before realizing in fact it was a memory as the-body-remembers-by-babette-rothschild. eleventh doctor so so evil to me. the way that I was down BADDD for alex kingston at age 13.

sorry there are approx. 7 more posts in the tags here

#sorry am watching the big bang whilst intoxicated and the amy reveal genuinely got me #remember when they were killing rory off every episode for shits and giggles #THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OH MY HGOD #ELEVEN IN THE TIME TRAVEL WATCH WIIIIIIIVES THEY ARE MARRIEEEEED #the worst part of watching these is all the places ive since been art ive since seen things ive come to know in hyper detail NOW #that i did not while watching this on my ipod nano on the bus home after middle school #not just the millennium bridge all the van gogh paintings ive seen a store in camden gardens ive walked by #but chip shops and terrible atmospheres in british museums #oh my god sorry i think i wanted to fuck matt smith for a second. his handwriting. trying to give it up. puppet with strings cut. HOT?#oh good its autoerotic again alex is here as well. lesbian sex. they have a handfasting NOT click bait #walks up to gay couple like so which one of you is the eye of the storm and which one of you is the heart of the explosion #i watched those last seconds on the roof before the dalek arrives on a loop at age 13 as the last moment of true happiness #me my wife and my wife's parents who are also my boygirlfriends on our night at the museum double date. AND THEN I DIE. and my wife avenges #LESBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS ITS ALMOST COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE. wait why did she make the dalek beg for mommy what did that do to me

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rosymorns · 1 year

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i see “your parents actually werent around much” and say “that isnt angsty enough and doesnt channel my personal trauma in a way i want”

#cw for addiction and suicide in the following tags my besties <3 #both of her parents were definitely addicts. i think her dad was also a musician and like. at first it was drinking #and then it was opiates at parties and then it was heroin.#he died. i think. right around when she met seven. right before. seven never met him. so she was. what they met in 7th grade?#she was 12. and she got into an honest to god fight with her dad and screamed that he was ruining their family.#& he stormed out. and. she doesn't actually know. she was 12 and no one would tell her. all she knows is that she hurt him.#and then he was dead. as an adult she wonders if it was an intentional OD or just he was upset and did too much.#as a kid there was just such a clear line between 'she was hurt and said something cruel and someone she loved got hurt'#i mean of fucking course it has a profound impact on her. but she's pretty reserved because of it. and careful w her words and actions.#(seven is the only person she was ever vulnerable with and that ended badly too innit <3)#anyway her mom is still around. she's a garden variety alcoholic. after what happened to her husband she's tried to quit a few times.#she always relapses. she thinks florrie hates her. she's terrified to reach out or say anything to her.#florrie is afraid to invest in her or really get close because. well. she was close to her dad.#miss ma'am doesn't HAVE any secure attachments. she doesn't HAVE anyone she can be vulnerable with.#she's not going to put any kind of trust in someone who seems to her to be unstable.#which i think is part of her little crush on orion. her life is a mess man she's a little bisexual disaster.#oh also i think she has a sister. i haven't decided older or younger. she's estranged and kind of pissed at florrie.#they were close as teenagers but once golden hour took off florrie prioritized the band a few too many times #and left her sister to deal with their mom. and her sister just kind of went. 'fuck it fuck you all' and fucked off to london.#they text each other happy birthday usually. that's about it.#carly.txt #carly's ocs #oc: florrie #brother you know i'm down bad for an oc when i start writing tag essays.

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judas-redeemed · 2 years

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girl help i looked at childhood pictures of me at 1 in the morning & now im getting weepy

#it's just. ack #im remembering how i used to feel #like i distinctly remember thinking #this is the calm before the storm #anytime i was happy #like any time i felt good #there was always this expectation #that it would be over soon #& that it would be worse than it was before #i hope she knows it did get better :(#parrish speaks #talking to the wall again

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toestalucia · 1 year

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going back to ydays post but with. spelled out main story spoilers. but ive been thinking about it all day, but truly the way it went from captain being handed (pushed into) the role of true king and mostly staying with it cuz 1) what other better way to get information is there 2) tau’luk surely had a reason for it. cuz gran does not do well with that kinda setting, theres no way theyd survive it for long, and adding on how they were siding with blf’s rebellion...as well as grans personal business with true king........

that into the entire setting of ‘yeah u get the throne so u can access the eye so u can see Everything and Exactly what threat we are up against cuz the otherworld is hijacking the timelines Massively rn and one has completely died (here u can see ur loved ones + urself die btw), also the fact ur crew nvr gives up is a chore so they r writing rackam out of the history haha rmbr when u saved alliah falling off an island with the ship? totally what happened. anyway no one around u except green knight Knows of this stuff n if someone finds out the otherworld will probably just change their memory so good luck’. is like. a whole lot. but also the entire thing of choosing not to give up being so important is ssoooooo good that i

#stardust speaking !#death//#gbf spoilers #i knew from the time when they described blfs leader it was shitori but nvr in my wildest dreams. did i expect #timelines and us starting blf #they havent killed katalina on-screen since like miscolored memories. incredible #& lyria for that matter #feeling even stronger that sincerely ur dearest friend djgr + lyria is another timeline djgr lyria #aauughhhhhb maxwell revert our timeline alrdy i dont wanna live in a world where gran didnt jump off a damn cliff solely to save alliah #even more. wind alliahs fate eps. the pt2&3 skill ep #where shes so happy...and the crew is so family......the calm before the storm #the momentary peace i felt before everything happened #loki going 'teehee is that ur ''family''''#is so funny since in erste he cried over his bro. and ine dgelands he got kind of angry when they insulted byleistr #my man u have no reason to speak like that the clone of ur niece is in ur crew rn #mika choke loki challenge #actually also the entire thing of 'this is probably why he wanted akasha' is so funny #LIKE i still wouldnt trust him w akasha. but #we sure wouldve less problems #the fact akasha even exists.........................................#<3 byleistr was the one w authorization of it btw<333333333333 #the one scene where they mention their last name too #byleistr arcus #during the whole erste thing where they use lyria. during the ygg&dark essence parts #completely normal about loki #anyway i cant wait to get back our timeline i dont want any 'realistically it cant happen' i want fairytale happy endings

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tojancy · 15 days

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nanami’s side of the bed wouldn’t even be called nanami’s anymore. you sleep there nearly every day, blaming it on how the pillows smell of him.

nanami’s clothes aren’t his anymore, you're sleeping in his shorts and t-shirt tonight. you wore his shirt yesterday, and took his ties for some clothes experiments last week.

nanami’s sacred pens are no longer his own, he finds them on the table after you tried to scribble up something and forgot to put them back.

nanami’s mugs are now shared, always in the dishwasher even when he doesn’t recall using them at all.

nanami’s thoughts don’t belong just to him anymore. you’d bug him about it all day if he doesn’t share what he’s thinking — so he, with an exasperated sigh, tells you what’s on his mind.

nanami’s salary doesn’t go straight to his savings account like it used to, instead taking a portion of it to spend on you. ‘you’ means gifts, flowers, dates, trips, trinkets, and so on.

nanami’s weekends aren’t as quiet as they once were; now they’re chaotic, full of so much of you.

nanami’s fridge is full nowadays. candy, leftovers, ice cream, cheese, cake, bread, and the list goes on. so many things that don’t go along with his diet fill the once-empty shelves.

nanami doesn’t spend as much time in his study as before you moved in. now old books are left to collect dust, long forgotten in a room that’s never lit. even when he decides to pick one up and read it, it’s the minute that he sees your face the book is tossed away.

nanami’s happiness still comes from days off, but now it’s because those days are spent with you. days when he slept long and ignores the world are long gone, now he gets to sit and focus on you, watching as everything else becomes nothing but background noise.

nanami has always been sure he’s not looking for marriage, at least not right now. but he swears that ring looks so perfect for you. there’s no way he’d miss it.

nanami stands in front of the bathroom mirror 5 minutes late every day because you’re still figuring out how to fix his tie the right way without any help. he can’t seem to rush you, though — what’s being precisely on time have on your little giggles as you sit on the sink and struggle to finish a task he could have done in under a minute?

nanami has been spending so much time eating as of late, more time than he can afford. while he used to finish a meal in approximately fifteen minutes, now dinners could stretch to two hours. he couldn’t get off the table early when you sit across from him, talking and joking and doing anything that’s not eating. he simply can’t possibly not indulge in the little conversations, appreciating every moment he gets to spend in your presence. nanami’s life wouldn’t even be called his anymore. you’re a storm, invading his life all at once, bringing in your chaos along with you. you’ve infatuated him, you’ve assailed his senses and changed his very being. every time nanami’s eyes align with yours, he prays your presence isn’t a fleeting one. he silently hopes you don’t leave as suddenly as you came, that you plan to stay.

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celibibratty · 2 months

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now i'm sad, i wish captain spirit had in the Nintendo switch too

#lis2 discussion #Where is mine phsical version Nintendo?#Not that i feel much ready to play It💦(tho day by day i starting to get more comfortable with the Idea)#But just because i don't plain to buy it doesn't mean i don't fight for it's rights😤(lis2 deserves a phsical version like the others)#I think one day will have✨(but will take a time cuz l1s2 get it release on the switch in 2023 right?)#Captain Spirit should be included too(i don't get it just do something like the first one with the before the storm together)#Captain Spirit is FREE!!??(why not in the switch)#Come on no pak mei form in s1fu and no captain spirit in l1s2😓shesh #This is another nice thing of 2023(l1s2 gets it's realese on the Nintendo switch) I/we expected that since 2019 sad that i didn't get as...#Happy/excited as i wish when i saw the news💧but now i'm a littleee more balanced with this game...#And Thats actually a very very nice new i always believe it✨

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theetwinkleboy · 3 months

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#frantically reserving judgement about certain leaks #frantically reading faster so i can catch up and not keep seeing things with only half the context #i'm just! i'm scared! i want my boy to be happy but he hasn't been in such a long time!#and right now i'm in the middle of the calm before the storm so yknow #scared about that too Ha Ha Ha

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sophiamcdougall · 8 months

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I am never going to complain about Greek Duolingo again

I mean, I am. But still.

So, as some of you know, my family has been coming to this tiny Greek seaside village for several years. Just over a week ago I came out here with my mum, under the impression that early September, after the height of the summer heat, would be a good time to have a holiday. ANYWAY Storm Daniel had other ideas about that. Locally things are improving (I'm actually really pissed off about the disaster-porn tone of most English-language media coverage, but that's another post). The power is back on, there's running water most of the time, and though the latter is not drinkable, a truck from the government came and handled out free bottled water yesterday. But we are currently kind of stuck. Can't do tourist things. Can't go home. There aren't any local flights out until Saturday and the road to Thessaloniki is still closed.

So this evening, feeling kind of aimless and depressed, I go down to the nearest beach with a couple of binbags and start cleaning up in an effort to at least do something positive. I always try to do this at least once out here and obviously, after the storm, there's a lot more plastic and rubbish than usual.

At some point I find this large, round bit of metal - some kind of machinery part, I think -- that's too big for the bag, so I take it to the bins on its own, leaving the rubbish bag on the beach. And when I come back for it, something among the stones beside it moves.

Specifically, it pulls its head sharply inside its shell

So, meanwhile I've been trying to learn some Greek with the help of Duolingo.

I currently have a 33-day streak and... I have questions. Shouldn't I be able to use the past or future tenses by now? Shouldn't I be able to say "x is like y"? I can't do those things. But one thing I absolutely can say all day long is έχω μια χελώνα : I have a turtle.

This is far from the limit of Duolingo Greek's turtle-related content. "An obsession with turtles" is my mother's characterisation. I can inform you that the turtle is not a bird, and, improbably, that the turtle is drinking milk. I can introduce you to a turtle in company with a horse and an elephant. As far as Duolingo is concerned, it really is turtles all the way down.

Now this, you may be able to see, is not a turtle. It has claws rather than flippers. It is a tortoise. I know there are wild tortoises in Greece: my aunt once rescued a pair of them shagging in the middle of the road -- but that was up in the mountains. I've even seen one myself, but it was also on a road and very dead.

I am 95% certain they don't belong on beaches. There's nothing for it to eat, except, unfortunately, a lot of plastic. Even if it gets off the beach it will immediately find itself on a road where it could get hit by a car. I'm pretty sure it must have been washed down by the floodwater and has been just sitting there, dazed, ever since.

Now obviously the first thing I want to do on encountering this unusual animal is to go and tell my mummy, so I do. The tortoise immediately brightens her day. She agrees that the tortoise is not happy on the beach and needs to be taken somewhere safe. it gets surprisingly wriggly when picked up so we put it in a carrier bag with some grapes and cucumber and go looking for somewhere to rehome it.

We find a path leading up between the houses towards a likely-looking field, but before we get very far a dog in a yard goes berserk and a man's head pops over a fence and demands to know what we're doing. He does this in English, as evidently we're just that obviously tourists.

"I found a tortoise on the beach!" I explain. "We want to find somewhere to put it."

"A what," he asks.

"It's like a, you know," I begin and then to my astonishment I find myself saying... "μια χελώνα"

"Oh! A turtle!" he says.

"But from the land. δεν είναι χελώνα", [it is not a turtle,] I say, as I am worried he will tell me to put it back near the sea where I found it. As it turns out it actually IS a χελώνα, Greek does not distinguish between turtles and tortoises, but I don't know that; I can't even name the days of the week or identify any colours other than pink yet, give me a break.

The man's entire demeanour changes and thaws. He does not worry about my turtle-that-is-not-a-turtle conundrum. He knows where οι χελώνες come from and where η χελώνα μας belongs. He leads us through a gate into a courtyard area.

"[somethingsomething] μια χελώνα," he explains to the assembled onlookers, of whom there are, suddenly, a surprising number.

"ΜΙΑ ΧΕΛΩΝΑ!!!" crows the throng of delighted small children, who are, suddenly, everywhere.

"μια χελώνα!" I agree, accepting that at least for current purposes, that is what it is.

"Μπορούμε να δούμε τη χελώνα σας; [can we see your turtle?]" asks an adorable little girl, shyly, and I understand??

The children fucking love looking at the χελώνα and showing it to them is kind of magical?

I finally put the tortoise down on the grass of this wild area off to the side of the courtyard, and marvel aloud that it is weird that I barely know any Greek except how to say μια χελώνα.

"I think she will soon run off," a kind lady called Aspasia assures me, seeing I remain slightly anxious about its fate. "I don't know why I'm saying 'she'. I suppose because χελώνα is feminine in Greek."

"Yes! I know that!" I exclaim, thrilled.

"Well done!" she says. And also she asks if we are OK for drinking water after the storm and if we need any help with anything and is just generally incredibly lovely and now we know more of the neighbours!

So "μια χελώνα" has just become, by a long way, my most-used and most understood and all-around most conversationally successful phrase in Greek. So I guess I have to admit I was wrong to doubt Duolingo's wisdom: it is correct to be obsessed with turtles. And I concede that prior to learning how to count to ten or to distinguish right from left, the simple ability to yell the word TURTLE over and over again is, it turns out, a crucial element of the responsible traveller's social skills.

(I am pretty fluent in Italian and turtles haven't come up in conversation even once?)

#story time

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