#this is all i wanna talk about for the next 3 years
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je t'aime
♥ pairing: charles leclerc x fem!singer!reader
♥ smau
♥ fluff
♥ notes: here's some more smau while I work on the last part of the folklore series lol (none of the pictures are mine, all were found on pinterest)
♥ masterlist
liked by oliviarodrigo, taylorswift, jackantonoff and 658,892 more
I feel incredibly honored to be featured on the tortured poets department. thank you @ taylorswift <3
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taylorswift <3
*liked by original poster*
user6 A FEATURE???
user7 ~you look like Taylor Swift~
jackantonoff come sing with bleachers now
yourusername JUST SAY WHEN
user5 💗
user8 Y/N AND TAYLOR COLLAB THIS IS NOT A DRILL
user1 now we just need her and liv
user8 and gracie
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
liked by charlesleclerc, arthurleclerc, and 349,673 more
@ charlesleclerc wanna write a piano piece for my next album?
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charlesleclerc lets make it happen
oliviarodrigo goals
user12 how does he have time to write songs, own an ice cream business, AND be a professional athlete?
user8 ?!?!?!?
user7 taylor and now CHARLES??
user14 I'd literally pay to see this
user9 this is straight out of a fanfic
user2 right??!!
user1 unrelated but you're stunning
user3 THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT-
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
liked by charlesleclerc, tatemcrae, gracieabrams and 1,340,875 more
sixteen days is out now! special thank you to @ jackantonoff my amazing producer and @ charlesleclerc for writing je t'aime with me
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tatemcrae ITS SO GOOD
yourusername THANK YOU TATE ILY
charlesleclerc how about a full album next? 😉
yourusername 👀
user6 THE WINK-
user12 oh they're so in love
user9 don't tease us
user8 when are we going to talk about the lyrics in je t'aime???
user7 sixteen days... isn't charles' number 16?
user2 they're leaving crumbs
user4 I'm going full inspector gadget, national treasure, sherlock holmes right now
user3 this album is amazing
user18 JE T'AIME IS SO GOOD
user17 traffic and we couldn't stop are my favorite
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
time skip - one year later
liked by yourusername, arthurleclerc, and 506,723 more
happy one year mon cheri ❤️
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yourusername I love you <3
charlesleclerc je t'aime
user6 WAIT ONE YEAR?
user4 wait that means they've been dating since their first song together
user7 they've been dating this whole time???
user8 they're so cute
arthurleclerc does this mean I get free tickets to your concert
yourusername no
arthurleclerc I'm literally the one who got you two together
yourusername my extra ticket goes to leo
arthurleclerc fair enough.
#I really enjoyed writing this#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 smau#formula 1 x reader#f1 x y/n#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc fluff#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 fic#formula one fanfic#formula one fic#charles leclerc#cl16#cl16 x reader#cl16 x you#reader fic#x reader#fem reader#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#fake tweets
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good night moon | s.r
A/N: hi again ! this one is deeply self indulgent i fear but who cares i hope you like it as much as i do <3 ps let me know what kinda fics i should write next !!
cw: spencer reid x bau!reader, cm type violence, reader is afab but this only is referred to when mentioning reader is a daughter, sad thoughts, hurt/comfort, talks about nightmares, spencer just wants to take care you gdm it why won’t you let him
wc: 2.4k
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trudging up the stairs of the bullpen, you tried your best to use whatever sense you had left to beeline to the kitchen to make another cup of coffee. thank god the bau had minimal reflective surfaces because you’re sure you look like the evil old lady from snow white. that was just, your opinion of course. to everyone else you looked fine.
fine was so subjective. what did these fuckers know about being fine? they weren’t the ones on the mission. they don’t know what you saw, how you did nothing, how you couldn’t do anything.
“FBI hands up!” you yell holding your gun and flashlight at the unsub. he’s holding the victim at knifepoint, a twelve year old girl who reminded you too much of yourself.
this unsub’s MO was kidnapping eldest daughters of families that had sons as well, because he believed the son should be the eldest child with the most responsibility and that the daughters were only there to create more babies. the team had deduced that he was the youngest child to an older sister who he felt had too much control over him, combined with his fascination with the perfect nuclear family, it slowly turned him into a sociopathic killer.
“come any closer and i’ll slit her throat!” the unsub bellowed, getting dangerously close to her carotid artery.
“you don’t wanna do that, man,” derek says behind you, “just put the knife down and we can talk.”
“there’s nothing left to talk anymore! i’m already going to prison. there’s no point.”
you called out the unsub’s name, “i know how you’re feeling, i have a younger brother too and he feels the same way you do sometimes. what your sister did to you was not okay, but not all sisters are like that. we just want to care for our family. let them have the chance to be the big sister you wished for.”
the unsub seemed to contemplate your words for a minute, then looks up at you with eyes devoid of any light, “then this one is dedicated to you, agent.” and he drags the knife across her neck leaving waterfalls of blood coming out.
you’re not really sure what happened next. a gun went off, presumably derek’s, to kill the unsub. and then it was you screaming as you rushed to the young girl to try and stop her bleeding, but it was no use. the cut was deep enough to nick that damn carotid and all you could do was hold her in her last moments.
“te- tell my family i love them, and that i’m sorry.” the young girl spurts out so softly you almost didn’t hear it.
“no sweet girl, don’t be sorry,” you say through hiccuped cries, “i’m sorry i couldn’t save you.”
the last thing you remember was feeling strong hands carrying you out of the building. you couldn’t hear much, the sound of your wails pretty much masked anything in a five mile radius. you could taste the iron lingering in your mouth from biting your lip too hard and desperately collecting the salty tears and sweat trickling down your face. at first you smelled smoke and dust, most likely from being in the cave where the unsub was. but as you were being dragged away from the crime scene you were influxxed with a musky scent, and a hint of vanilla with that fresh laundry smell. spencer. the last thing you see are his worried little brown eyes staring down at you before everything goes dark.
that was monday. it is now thursday. the case had wrapped up, the unsub was dead the families were notified and now you all were in the office doing your paperwork for the case.
and all of you were doing fine, right? everyone else had already coped and processed the case, already stepping back into their normal life routines. but you, you couldn’t have it that easy, but god you wish you did.
since that day, you’d been holing up in your apartment with all the lights turned on. you sat in your living room, eating a bowl of fruit loops and watching bluey, because listen it’s a great show and we should acknowledge it. you cry out loud seeing bluey care for her little sister bingo, and it brings you back to that dusty cave and the bloodied hands.
you could feel sleep creeping up on you, yet you subconsciously found a way to push bedtime by doing menial tasks like cleaning, extra long skincare, watching a movie. when you ran out of things to do, you entered your room and just stared at your bed. how were you supposed to admit to yourself that the horror isn’t in the movie you just watched where the creepy demons kill everyone, but it’s what is waiting for you behind closed eyelids.
so the only logical solution was to just, not sleep. you whipped out every trick in the book to stay awake for as long as you could— energy drinks, coffee, splashing cold water, anything so you wouldn’t have to reface your plagued memories.
spencer observed you from a distance. he watched as you got coffee a whopping three times before 10am, you picking at your skin, not to mention the bags growing under your eyes. it was then he formed a hypothesis, he was a scientist after all. that you simply were not sleeping because of the case. it was much less a hypothesis and more of a fact because he knew exactly what it was upon first sight of you, hell he invented the sleep avoidance look.
and as the inventor it meant he knew the feeling more intimately than he would like to admit. spencer knew what it felt like to be debilitated by the confines of your brain, holding onto shreds of memories you know are not worth remembering but have somehow marked their territory anyway. and everyone coped differently, for spencer he isolated himself for days and then threw himself into work. for you? well, that was the next part of spencer’s experiment.
spencer approaches you in the kitchen as you’re pouring your fourth cup before noon, “hi.”
“hi.”
“how are you? feels like we haven’t talked in a bit.”
“i’m good, sorry i’ve just been. busy.”
spencer frowned internally, he knew you weren’t doing a single thing but working at the office. “are you okay? do you want to talk about last week?”
you cut him off abruptly and start walking out, “i really have to finish these reports spence, talk to you later.”
spencer knew better, he should give you space to cope by yourself. you were an adult, you can take care of yourself. but you shouldn’t have to, he thinks. spencer still tells himself he knows better as he’s waiting on your doorstep that night, about to the rapp the door.
after a minute of no answer he knocks again this time calling your name through the door, “will you let me in please? i want to show you something.”
still nothing. he continues, “i know what you’re feeling, and i want to help, please.”
he almost gives up and turns around when he hears the turn of a lock and slight creek of the door opening to see you in all your beautiful glory.
now you, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes. avengers pj shorts with a baggy uni t shirt, hair flying in any direction, and a look that spencer could only describe as grief. but god if you weren’t the most beautiful human he’d seen in his life, he’d be lying.
you were coming up on day 3? or was it 4? of no sleep. it’s not like you were not sleeping at all you took little 30 minute naps each day, enough to get you some shut eye but not enough to make it your rem stage of sleep.
spencer speaks again, “can i come in?” you nod silently and open the door wider for him to step in. he removes his shoes and it’s then you notice a big ole tote bag he’s lugging to your living room.
“what’s in the bag?”
“ah, come sit. i brought magical things.” he smiles playfully.
you shuffle over to sit a seat’s cushion away from him and watch as he starts pulling item by item from his mary poppins bag.
candles, essential oils, books, but specifically romance novels with the silly cartoon covers that he swears aren’t real books but you argue with him until he concedes, melatonin gummies, pillow sleep spray, and one more item that he’s holding onto for what seems to be dramatic effect. you’re not amused.
“and the piece de resistance,” he presents the last item, and you look confused for a second, until you recognize the item in front of you and immediately start tearing up. in his hands is a grogu weighted stuffed animal that he holds out for you to take. “i know you’re not sleeping. it happened to me when, you know. i figured it would be helpful if you had someone who could empathize how you’re feeling. and because you’re my best friend and i care about you.”
your bottom lip trembles, and you feel the ice block you’ve kept yourself in this past week start to melt uncontrollably. “spence…” you breathe out so quietly. he did all this? for you? doctor spencer reid went out to the store, and bought a grogu stuffed animal for you to cuddle at night to ease your loneliness?
the concept of being taken care of was so foreign to you, as the eldest daughter in your family it was always you taking care of others and making sure everyone was okay. but rarely did anyone check on you, how you were holding up. and you had learned to cope by yourself, to handle the big emotions by yourself, but for once, someone was willing to take all that weight off your shoulders and let you breathe. and god, did it feel so cathartic you could burst out in sobs.
so you did.
“hey,” he says scooting closer to you so he can scoop you into his chest, “was that a lot? penelope said i’d probably overwhelm you but all of the things i brought are scientifically proven sleep additives-“
“no i just, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” you whimper.
spencer’s eyes soften, “you deserve it. what happened last week… was hard. i just wanted to help.”
“thank you,” he hears a muffled response and rubs his hands affectionately down your back, “damn, all this crying is making me so tired.”
“see! the magic of the poppins bag.” he chuckles. you laugh too. spencer thinks all the flowers in a mile radius just bloomed.
“it’s just,” you start out, nuzzling into his chest deeper, “the second i close my eyes and dream, i see her. and how i couldn’t save her. and how the others i couldn’t save either.” you feel your chest seizing up again.
“okay well hey, hey. you did what you were trained to do. any other agent in your position would’ve tried talking him down the way you did. and your personal story gave you an advantage that no one else would’ve had. statistically speaking, you were the best chance at getting through to him. yeah it didn’t work, but it wouldn’t be probability if it always worked,” he cradles your face in his big hands, “we’re all so proud of you, you know. rossi’s waiting for you to be back on your feet so he can host pasta night at his hou- sorry his mansion again.”
spencer looks down at you properly to your tear stained cheeks and brushes your hair back. he sees the pain and tiredness fighting behind your eyes and asks softly, “what do you need right now?”
“i’m tired.” you lament.
“then lets go sleep.”
“i can’t.”
“why not?”
“im scared.”
“well that’s why i brought the stuff silly goose,” he taps your nose, “come on, let’s go set it up.”
spencer brings all the sleep aids to your room and sets them up appropriately, even plugging in your sunrise lamp to help with the ambient lighting. the only thing left to do is for you to get into your bed.
you both stand on opposite sides of your bed, and he’s waiting for you to get in so can tuck you in. you hesitate and look up at him with the same worried eyes he saw all those days ago.
“could you stay for bit?”
“i can stay for some time if you want” you both speak at the same time. you giggle again, spencer thinks an angel got its wings.
thank god he wore sweats and a comfy t shirt he thinks. he slid in under the blanket and holds it open for you to come in, “come on, you’re missing the cuddle party with grogu and i!” you beam widely and finally sink into your bed.
spencer pulls you into his chest, wrapping an arm around your shoulder blade, and the other taking a spot on your hip rubbing soft circles. you lay your head to rest on his chest, right above his beating heart. you try to let the metronomic thumps lull you to sleep, but spencer can still feel your eyelashes fluttering about on his chest. he knows what you’re thinking, because of course he does.
“look at me,” he nudges you, you look up at his eyes again and see nothing but pure love and reassurance as he continues, “you are safe. nothing can hurt you. i promise.”
“are you sure?” you let out meekly,
“i’m sure. it’s okay, go to sleep,” he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your forehead. “i’ll be here when you wake up.”
you shakily take a deep breath, and close your eyes.
after five minutes of spencer rubbing shapes into your back, he can finally hear the soft snores coming from below. he places another kiss on your head, whispers, “good night angel girl,” and doses off.
you wake up the next morning feeling so rested and relieved you can’t help but give spencer a big hug that wakes him up. spencer thinks he’d be the luckiest man in the universe if he could wake up like this everyday.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid hurt/comfort#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic
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No.42 Chapter 3
Art Donaldson x reader slow burn friends to lovers
Sorry for the wait! The day I set aside to get loads done on this I ended up having to visit a family member in hospital, he’s much much better now. Anyway oversharing. I hope you enjoy this chapter! I loved writing it. Let me know if you wanna be added to my tag list 💕
Part 2
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You woke up on Saturday morning to a missed text from Art.
7:58am - text from Art
Sorry if I woke you when I left. Gone to play hard court today hope you slept alright on that couch.
The sudden realisation that you were not in fact in your bed hit you almost as hard as the loose spring in your back. You groaned, reaching for some leftover pizza. None left. You groaned again.
9:26am - text to Art
Did you eat all your pizza?
To your surprise the boy replied immediately, showcasing his ability to read your mind.
9:27am - text from Art
Afraid so :) Look in the fridge if you’re so hungry
The fridge, despite the tightness of your apartment, had never looked so far away. You’d rather wait the nine hours for Art to return and pass food to you through a funnel. He could create some sort of feeding tube, perhaps he could fashion it out of one of the dozen tennis ball containers Patrick left lying around. You hadn’t seen the floor in years.
It took you almost thirty minutes to peel your lifeless body off the sofa and trudge the eight metres to the fridge. Before all of your fingers had grasped the cold metal you caught it. The smell.
The month you and Patrick were flat hunting had been a difficult one, full of stress and disappointments. A week before you found the flat you now called home, Art had found crying outside your favourite pancake place. You didn’t know if Patrick had texted him, giving him a heads up of your less than stellar mood and where to find you, or if he had simply ran into you by accident but one minute he was there.
The two of you had shared your favourite, strawberry and kiwi pancakes with whipped cream, despite having never spent time alone together previously and it hadn’t been awkward. Any awkwardness had come from your inability to keep your emotions to yourself and not a mess for all to see. Art hadn’t minded in fact, unbeknownst to you, he’d greatly enjoyed your company and had had a shitty day himself before your talk.
10:02am - text to Art
Did I ever mention I love you living here??
Sitting proudly in the fridge, in between Patrick’s abandoned pasta and your pathetic amount of cheese, was a plate of strawberry and kiwi pancakes. You looked at the pile of washing up and noticed essence of strawberry still dripping from the chopping board next to a whisk and bowl.
‘God damn…’ you actually moaned aloud at the first bite. Not only were they delicious but they’d been made especially for you for no reason. No one had ever made you breakfast before, unless you counted the time Patrick threw a box of muffins at your head to wake you up for school. It often didn’t take a great amount of effort to impress you, something maybe a therapist needed to hear about, but you felt justified being impressed with Art for this. They were truly wonderful.
10:20am - text from Art
Come thank me in person if you want, Liam is taking another break
You couldn’t help but smile at his little dig at Liam, whether intentional or not it told you everything you needed to know: Art was the better player. Art was always the better player, he usually wiped the floor with anyone who wasn’t Patrick.
It was only a twenty minute walk to Stanford and although you were ashamed to admit it … you had nothing better to do on a Saturday morning. You decided to pack your laptop, so you could kid yourself that this was a productive thing and not just an excuse to watch Art sweat. The damn thing wouldn’t even get opened and you knew it.
It was a hot day, even for Summer it was unforgiving. You pulled at your tank top, attempting to negate any sweat stains by leaving a gap between your wet skin and the thin fabric. No such luck, the car window reflection of yourself showed you the harsh reality. How did Art do it? How did he look sexy whilst sweating? You felt like a drowned dog, heaving and panting in the back of a muggy car trying to see past the drops of sweat in your lashes.
You reached Stanford earlier than you expected and to your great satisfaction, saw no Art present. That gave you ample time to tidy yourself up in the toilets before meeting him. The college had crisp air con, much better than the pathetic excuse for a fan you and Patrick would crowd round on hot days.
Art didn’t text you directions because he didn’t need to. He knew you’d visited Patrick enough times to know your way around all the tennis courts, hard or otherwise. It didn’t take you long to find the right one.
‘Fuck!’
You scanned the indoor courts for the source of the outburst. Art, third court from the left and he was not happy. For a moment you teetered on your feet, unsure if it was better to wait a bit before interfering with their clearly tense match. Before you could make a decision however-
‘Y/N!’
Liam spotted you, putting his racket down immediately to wave you over. He’d once gotten drunk and told Patrick how much he liked you but that it had been so long ago that you’d almost forgotten and his new girlfriend was a tennis star. On the ‘up and up’ as Patrick’s dad would say.
Although Liam’s hug was intense, sweaty and pretty uncomfortable you were too focused on Art to cringe. He was rubbing his face with his hands, looking more pained than you’d ever seen him. You didn’t know why. He’d been playing well before you arrived.
Noticing the object of your frown, Liam suddenly grinned even wider. ‘He just lost the third set.’ Art took a large swig of water, not noticing the way you stared in awe at the angle of his jaw and the wet curls on his forehead. He was too focused on the racket he was clutching fiercely enough to force the veins of his forearm to pull your attention.
‘I know it’s not over yet,’ Liam panted slightly, clearly Art had still run him ragged. ‘But this never happens - never.’ In the years they’d played together, Liam had never beaten Art. Not in singles or doubles. Not on hard court. Not on clay or grass. Never. You were not convinced, however, that poor Liam had never won a set before so you voiced your opinion without thinking.
‘Art, you can still win. It’s fine!’
Art shot you a glare. It didn’t last long but it burned you a little, the intensity of it. He wanted so badly for you to be right, for it to not matter to him. ‘It’s just a game’ well it wasn’t to Art. It was his entire future and if he lost - if he lost ever - it was him throwing that future away.
‘You’ll win the fourth.’ You smiled, reassuringly. That lifted Art a little and bruised his partner.
‘I thought we were stopping for a bit since Y/N’s here.’ Art watched your face for a reaction, daring you to decide for the three of them. Without removing your eyes from Art you smiled. ‘No, no. I’ll watch.’
You watched them play for another hour and a half. Art just won the fourth set, by the narrowest of margins but that gave him the confidence boost he badly needed to destroy Liam in the fifth. Th-wack! Smash. Th-wack! Slice. Th-wack! Topspin. You were honestly confused why Liam bothered serving. If it had been you - well - let’s just say the floor would have made a more than sufficient bed. It was certainly making a sufficient seat for you to watch Liam get massacred. God was Art good.
‘You win…’ Liam was dripping, his white shirt almost see-through. ‘I need a sec…’ So did you. It was practically a workout just watching them. You clapped as Art walked over to you, looking very satisfied with his win. ‘You happy now?’
‘Very.’
As Liam rung out his shirt, Art gestured to the court with his racket. ‘You and me. One game.’ His eyes were full of amusement.
‘Ha.’
You’d die.
‘One set?’ He smirked, desperate for you to humour him. Not today. ‘Absolutely not.’ You laughed, standing up.
‘Actually, I’d love lunch right now,’ Liam’s suggestion was a necessity. ‘After a shower.’ And so was his afterthought. They both needed one desperately. Art’s hair didn’t even look blonde anymore.
‘Yeah you two go, I’ll wait then we can get food. I’m not super hungry but I can always eat.’
Liam was already rushing to the showers, practically leaving a pool of loser evidence behind him but Art heard. He looked like he was waiting for something from you and for a moment, in your haze, you wondered what. Oh!
‘The pancakes,’
‘Hm.’
‘De-licious.’
‘Good.’
You could tell he was happier with your compliment than he was letting on. The truth was Art craved praise, mostly for tennis but for anything he accomplished. It didn’t matter if he’d made a three tier cake, organised a trip or won every set in a match he wanted to know he’d done good.
‘Seriously, how did you even find the recipe?’ The two of you walked together out of the hall. ‘I’ve been asking the staff for years, pretty sure they hate me now actually.’
‘I have my ways.’ He grinned. ‘Now, I’m gonna go shower-‘
‘Good, you stink.’
‘Fuck off.’
Taglist: @gatorgirl007 @imblushingrn
#art donaldson slow burn#art donaldson friends to lovers#art donaldson fan fic#challengers art donaldson x reader#challengers art donaldson#art donaldson fic#art donaldson fanfic#art donaldson x reader#no.42#Mike faist#challengers#slow burn#art donaldson fanfiction#x reader
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Thank You for Participating
With that! Yuma month has officially come to an end! *⸜(* ॑꒳ ॑* )⸝*
Thank you for all your hard work \(❁´∀`❁)ﾉ𖤐´-
I had to wait an extra day to post this due to timezone reasons XD and this post is also the reason why I didn’t say much in my Day 31 post as well, I tried to keep it a surprise.
Thank you to everyone who participated and for the kind words as well ;w;. I'm truly grateful, I didn’t think a lot of people would want to participate since monthly challenges are quite daunting. I love seeing all of your works and various interpretations of the prompts as well. It made me look forward to seeing them the next day!
I hope Yuma month was fun and everyone also had the chance to try something new!
If you still want to draw or write prompts or give it a try some other time, you can tag me and I’ll still reblog it! I’d love to see more entries! :3
This is also the first time I’ve held this kind of prompt challenge event as well. If there’s anything you’d think that could improved or be changed please let me know~! You can leave a comment, ask, or DM me here on this blog or on my main blog. I’m always open to suggestions :D If I were to make another Yuma event next year I’d probably change it to a Yuma Week. A monthly challenge may have been a bit too much XD (I apologize if I stressed anyone out ;w;)
Long post on the Thank you art itself and other stuff I wanna talk about
I designed this Yuma Month Thank You art based on all the prompts and elements everyone showed in their pieces. Sadly I couldn’t include all of the prompts due to the image being overly cluttered but I did squeeze in most of them.
The NDA and Makoto plushies stand out a bit because I noticed they were featured a lot in some prompts throughout Yuma Month so they get their own little spotlight as well :3c
And I thought Yuma doing a little bow is a nice way to end Yuma Month~ the design was also based on my Makoto Month prompt too XD I thought it would be a nice contrast to my last entry for Makoto month and the thought of Yuma bowing and thanking everyone is a nice way to end the event in my opinion :3c
Once again I’m super grateful to everyone who participated ;w; it really makes my day when I see you post a Yuma Month prompt. I also apologize (again) if I caused any stress or pressure to you during Yuma Month orz…
#rain code#raincode#master detective archives: rain code#yuma kokohead#master detectives#makoto kagutsuchi#shinigami#raincode spoilers#spoilers#yuma month 2024#yuma month
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I PREDICTED THE GUN THING NOBODY FUCKING TOUCH ME I AM ON FIRE
#aib spoilers#alice in borderland spoilers#im never getting over this one lads#hatter/aguni is real theyre in LOVE dont TOUCH me#this is all i wanna talk about for the next 3 years
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Hiyori Tomoe + I was feeling weird about drawing and then saw a handsome woman and died a little bit.
#With the way I act and talk about men it’s easy to assume. Sometimes I even think that way. But no.#I actually love women <3#(too. As well.)#I do not draw ladies loads bc I think. I like real women more than anything ever. And I simply cannot capture a Real Person. Yet.#very fun that this is my first art post of the year and not the two short comics I made. But also#this reminded me about what I actually like. No more silly trope y stuff I’m gonna. work on more soft sweet real people feeling stuff.#hello yes see I draw#traditional art#artists on tumblr#drawing#sketches#doodles#hiyori tomoe#enstars#enstars fanart#hiyori tomoe fanart#Ok cool I also finished my sketchbook w these ladies btw. Finally. I am going to. Bed in 20 minutes I’ll see if I’ll start the next one…#but I also am really wanting to try and practice drawing women the way that. When they. Yknow. You understand you’re all gay too.#I really wanna capture like. The confidence the charm. My art usually looks like. Anime girls (derogatory).#This year we fight misogyny.
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People talk a lot about “you know I’m in love with you, right?” but where’s everyone talking about “I’ll wait for you. [… ] if you’ll have me, I’m yours”?? Hello??
#i shortened the quote because I’m lazy and don’t wanna type it all. sorry </3#but literally why do I not see people talking about this?? (it’s because I’m 7 years late to this campaign)#this is gonna live rent free in my mind for the next 3-5 business days fr /pos#critical role#vox machina#c1e35
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im finally going to replay y0...
#it's been a little over 2 years#and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like#i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end#i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3#someday though#ugh im nervous though#not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health#assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october#i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before#and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added)#but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow#especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation#also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all??#truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial#like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the#bright lights and eye contact factory#girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this#anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head#with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless#for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles)#and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now#when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that#but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis#whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!!#OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND#which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal#so uh. 😬😬
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kinda want to avoid getting a job for the next 4 years just to say fuck you to kokoomus but idk how viable thatll be
#fingers crossed tho. im certain i can make it another 12 months at least#my.. idk what her job would be in english. welfare help person. was like#'think about your values for next week and we can talk abt how to make your life align with them the best'#value number one: i dont wanna do anything especially not any kind of work#value numbers 2-3 let me sleep play video game and draw then i will be happy#aka literally my life for the past several years#shes not gonna like it im gonna have to figure out how to sugarcoat it all nice
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Hey guys. gay rights
#i already made the sonic one a while bc yknow. kinnie stuff youve all seen my blog theme#but then i was wearing my Fearless Year of Shadow(tm) shirt along with it and my irl bff was like.#'why are you wearing a sonic bracelet with that shirt if you love shadow so much 🤨' *#(he doesnt know much about sth stuff but ive infodumped abt shadow and his backstory to him many times)#and i was like 😭😭 BECAUSE I DONT HAVW A SHADOW KANDI BUT I WANNA MAKE ONE. I WILL SOON#so. now i do!! taking my ad/derall on the weekends always make me want to make more kandi. its great!#and yknow what else it makes me want to do...... talk more on here >:3333#me and my dad are gonna go to a local jazz festival this afternoon bc our jazz combo is playing at it!!#itll be fun. my dad said hes gonna get some food from this really good breakfast place on the way thwre#which is not the best part. the best part is outside the shop there is a wonderful kitty cat who hangs around the parking lot#bc hes owned by the ppl who own the bar right next door#its so great. everybody knows him (the cat) and loves him. the v/ape shop next door has a tip door set up for him even though the#bar owner ppl take care of him and take him to the vet nd stuff. my dad found a faceb/ook page somebody made for him#and apparently it just has pictures of ppl at the bar holding him. its so great and hilarious. this cat is so loved#by the v/ape shop people. by random people at this beachtown bar. by the breakfast shop people.#anyways uh. this post was abkut kandi wasnt it 😭😭😭 lol#cherry chortles#anyways the add/er/all also usually makes me want to look at and sort through my pkmn card collection. so imma do that#because my dads friend (and my friend too i guess! me and him exchange cat photos bc he has this adorable chunky cat named gremlin) that we#play bar trivia with on tuesdays (dw its not really even a bar. its mostly a restaurant) asked me abt my pokemon card collection#bc the final question was to put a few franchises (it was like. dora the ecplora and spide/rman etc. and pokemon) in order of revenue#and obvs pokemon was the top. bc of factors like the trading cards so thats how that came up#we didnt bet any of our points btw but we almost! got it right! the order was pk/mn dora spidamen friends (the tv seies) but we had spidman#as second. but we still won!! our team is on a two game winning streak!!! we always split the money so next week ill get another 8 dolla >:3#wow i havent hit tag limit yert#lol. yall'll open the 'see all tags' thing and boom. do you love the color of the sky type shit 😭😭😭#sorry that sounds too much like aave. i (white baby) cant be sayin that#cherrys kandi#okay well i had a tag with a verse from the ultimarw showdown bc i didnt know what else to say#but with my kandi tag and these two tags i have hit tag limit. thank you folks ill be here all night
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fuck it I'm starting singing classes
i actually wrote a lot of tags on this one. it's mostly personal reminders. but I'm posting it bc I'll forget to do any of this otherwise
i do not check my scheduling apps I'm a disaster❤️
anyway the tldr is I'm leaving this year's seasonal depression behind‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ fuck yes
i get it in summer bc I'm built different (got a few mental disorders) but yeah anyway I don't fucking care I'm DOING SHIT AGAIN somebody clap
#not sure where not sure when not sure with what money#list of things to do tmrw#1. actually talk to my tattoo artist#2. ask my aunt about singing teachers (she sings)#3. enroll in Something Free. anything. oh god i need Anything#4. CLEAN MY CLOSET FOR THE LVOE OF FUCK IVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME SHIRT FOR TWO MONTHS AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY ONLY ONE#i do clean it obvs#and it looks cool it's a green day tshirt#but MAN do i wear it ALL THE FUCKING TIME#seasonal depression is shit stay safe#(i knkw people say it for winter but im always busy in winter. so i like it. i never do shit on summer though. cos i get depressed as fuck)#FUCK ANYWAY FUCK list of things im definitely doing for sure lest i continue being depressed#anyway it should be fine now though#i just bought tickets for a bar event thing i wanna go to#and I've got plans for saturday#and next month#it's finnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#bjt i gotta make sure it keeps being so#i can't go back to doing nothing I'll kill myself#OH ALSO 5. BUY TICKETS FOR MIRANDA 20JUN PLEASE GOD PLEASE I NEED. THAT#6. actually note down all the things and appointments I've got scheduled lest i die forever#7. reconnect with my friends? make new ones?#i need friends#haven't had proper friends in two years it's making me sick in the head#like i have friends but I don't have Friends I Can Spontaneously Do Shit With#i just have 'if we meet perchance we'll hit it off + i like your IG stuff' friends#bc I'm social until I'm not#anyway i need AFRIENDDDGROUPPPP#fuck#anyway fuck
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I forgot YouTube has a recap feature, yippee! I love music :)
#i'm a little confused how Mori still got top artists this year i really didn't think i listened to her that much this year?#her last album was... not for me lets say. i guess i did listen to Unalive a lot. Resting Power is a genuine banger#you know what else is a banger? Lone Alpha's album Virtual Paradise steaming now on all platforms go listen to it it's so good#(shameless plug because i was on top 1% of their listeners and thats a travesty. everyone should listen to them they're incredible)#all my top tracks were songs i got stuck on and listened to for literally hours on loop#I played my number one track 88 times. i like it :)#here's a link because i dunno if it'll come up from the auto translated title -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAmA3w4lVAY#is it the best song in the world? no. it's a pretty typical piece of idol music. but its very dear to me.#i'm not even familiar with the vtuber who sings it. it just tumbled across my recommendations one day and stuck with me#the rest of my top tracks are like genuinely good. those are complete recommendations from me -w-)b#the second one a kinda ancient cover by Rachie. i've been listening to that sing since i was a teenage lol#i've just been feeling it this year i guess. i got stuck on it for a couple weeks and just kept looping back to it#the third one is Thai which was cool. i haven't heard a lot of songs in that language but it's really lovely#actually i'll link that one to 'cause if you're not familiar it might be hard to find -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S5b1lbWyUU#all the singers on it are great. i really like Schneider's Thai covers of other songs#and like. every single cover i've heard from Dacapo has been PHENOMENAL he's great#the last 2 are Paradox Live songs. I fucking love Amprule. Yeon Dongha number one forever#this is already to long but i wanna talk about Kessoku Band to. I still haven't watched Bochii (<fake anime fan) but the OST is NEXT LEVEL#every single song is just so <3<3 ''If i could be a constellation'' is just THE best. every song on the album is good.#you can ignore the rest of my recommendations but this album is just objectively good.#link -> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mNWkxcU6VC_aWOFnpqYha-J5UMzwbVlx4#EDIT: i'm coming back to edit this days later because oh. fucking DUH. Sinderella end of last year/start of this year. i fucking forgot.#JIGOKU 6 was not really my favourite. i liked a couple songs but some of the others weren't for me#(which i could say about Sinderlla to i guess but since it's got more songs i feel more positively about as a whole)#anyway. i didn't go that hard on Jigoku and since that the most recent one i was just like hm? what Mori did I listen to?#it was Sinderella from last year. I listened to that one A LOT.#Wanted -Wasted is just so good it carries the whole album for me. it even compensates for Internet Brain Rot lmao#snow blogging#music recs
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UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.
1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.
2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.
So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.
Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.
He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.
Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.
Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.
I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.
He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.
I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.
OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.
Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world
PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox
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I saw a bunch of humans are space orcs, and humans are feared by aliens, etc. and want to add to it.
Kid centre for all alien children/younglings run by humans.
-"Human Kim! Are you all right? Do you seek medical aid??"
"I'm okay! ...why do you ask?"
"You just got bit by Zyz! I'm so sorry, I've told him to not do that with others but-!"
"Hey, it's okay. Look, these things happen and I know that's just your species' way of showing affection. Just tell him to ask next time and to not bite too hard."
"... 'these things happen' .... 'tell him to ask next- human Kim has this happened to you before?!"
"Oh lots of times! I used to work at a daycare on earth before this. Now, you wanna talk about bites let me tell you about Penny, she was a biter. So was my nephew but that was him stimming. I just asked that he get my attention first so as to not startle me."
"Is this the same Penee who gave you 3 stitches?"
"Yep."
-"Human Kim, thank you for helping Pollix become comrades with the other younglings! May I ask how you did it so I may use it in the future?"
"Of course! It wasn't anything special really, we just wrestled which caught the attention of the other kids and soon enough they were cheering for Pollix to win. Then after that Xw and a few others asked Pollix to teach her how to wrestle as well." they finished with a smile.
"YOU WHAT!"
"I-I thought play wrestling and fighting was encouraged among young tighalax. I am so sorry if I did something wrong-!"
"Human Kim, you could have DIED."
"...huh?"
"Tighalaxes have what you call drugs in the points of our tails and one cut should drive you insane. Not only that but we, as younglings, should be nearly twice your body weight. And at this age have yet to control our strength!"
"Ooh so that's why I felt high! Phew! I thought I accidentally ate my weed muffin instead of the regular one, and we can't have that."
"You felt 'high'?"
"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, luckily I usually just get tired and relaxed when high. And for the weight strength part, I grew up babysitting all of my younger siblings and cousins. My child carrying records are 5 4-6 year olds, 4 7-12 year olds, 3 teenagers, and 2 childish giants who are somehow 21 this year."
"...any chance I can bribe you to quit and come work for me and my pack?"
#aliens#humans are space oddities#humans are space orcs#the adventures of kim and max running a space child care centre
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"Flurryclaw has decided to step down from being deputy," Skystar says in lieu of a greeting.
Turtlestar hums as she sits down beside him. "She's retiring then? That's great to hear. I'm happy for her."
"Yes, I am too. She’s served the Clan well, she deserves to rest.”
“Have you decided who will be the new deputy?” Turtlestar questions. She watches him as he tilts his head away, coyly avoiding her gaze. She narrows her eyes. “Why are you acting like that?”
“Just hear me out…”
“Oh, StarClan.” She rolls her eyes. “Tell me it isn’t Hopstripe.”
The young warrior is — fine, he's fine. Just too young, really, barely a year into being a warrior. There are better choices, those older and more experienced. Someone like Wrenfall, or Vixenfeather would be better suited. Vixenfeather is knowledgeable, skillful, and popular at that. She and the rest of the Clan would adjust well to her new duties.
But Hopstripe? He's a good patrol member, dutiful and loyal, but he does not take on responsibility easily. He's best as a partner, a companion, someone who would have your back when trouble comes. But he is not a leader.
A part of Turtlestar can’t help but be a bit annoyed with Skystar at the suggestion. His little crush on the younger tom is was not well known by the rest of the Clan, but as Skystar’s closest friend, it’s well known to her. She has spent the past six moons listening to him wax poetic about Hopstripe, all while he's owned her heart and has no idea. For two years now, she’s swallowed her feelings and kept her mouth shut, hiding how she felt for him. She was content with what they had — they were friends, and he did not reciprocate her feelings beyond that, and that was fine. But she can’t lie and say that it doesn't hurt, at least, to then listen to Skystar as he pines after someone he barely knows, while she’s right there, and —
“It’s not Hopstripe.”
Turtlestar startles. “Who is it, then?”
Skystar turns to face her fully and finally meets her eyes. “It’s you.”
Her stomach drops. “What?”
“Hear me out,” he pleads. “I know it didn't... work out for you, in the past. You were young, it was scary, I get it —”
"That's not it," she interjects.
“Then why don’t you tell me?” he snaps, exasperated. She flinches. “All this time, and you’ve barely told me anything. No matter how many times I've asked. I want to know you, I want to help you. I want to understand.” His expression softens. “Help me understand.”
There's a cold feeling clawing at Turtlestar's heart. She would rather be anywhere else, doing anything other than having this conversation. Why did he have to choose her? Why couldn't he have chosen Vixenfeather, or even Hopstripe? Anyone but her. She can't do this all over again.
She ducks her head. Skystar is right, though, in a way. Two years, and she hasn't been forthcoming. She's been by his side, but hasn't allowed him to be by hers.
The words don't come easily. “It wasn’t — timing, or injustice, or anything like that. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault. I messed up, and it was my fault. It was all me. I’m just not fit to be a leader.”
“Really?" he says, disbelievingly, but not unkindly. "Because the cat I’ve gotten to know has been nothing but a strong, capable leader. You’ve always been the first to step up and solve problems. When a mentor is sick, you take their apprentice out training. When a new leak has sprung in the dens, you experiment and build it back stronger. When Flurryclaw has to take a day off, you're there organizing patrols in her stead. You've just always done it without thinking.” Skystar touches his tailtip to her chin, lifting her head back up to look at him. “That’s the kind of cat I want by my side.”
Her face burns, with shame or embarrassment or feelings-which-shall-not-be-named, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t respond, just stares at him, wide-eyed and heart thudding in her chest.
Skystar watches her back, his blue eyes sparkling and warm. “I know you had a rough time back in SpruceClan. But you were so young back then. Things have changed. We’re older now. And this time, you won’t be alone.”
She never did have someone like Skystar in SpruceClan. Someone she could trust, and someone who trusted her back in turn. Someone who encouraged her, someone who pushed her past her limits. Someone who spends time with her, who shares prey with her, who laughs at her mediocre jokes. Someone who shares tongues with her, and lets his pelt brush against hers subconsciously, and touches his tailtip to her chin and stares into her eyes.
He may not return her feelings, but he's still her best friend. And she's his.
Turtlestar sighs. "Fine. For you, Skystar, I'll be CloudClan's deputy."
#brot plays clangen#my writing#HI . i love them#ive been sitting on this for weeks now lmao#this happened like TWO in game years ago at this point LMAO im falling behind in the things i wanna write#NOTICE HOW SHES STILL DODGING THE QUESTION#her spruceclan past is a sore spot that she doesnt like talking about#im gonna write another thingie about that next lel#but the point is she was made leader when she was like Fifteen moons old like 3 months into being a warrior#AND thats a bonding point see he says ''we'' were young and like ''we're'' older now#bc i checked my game logs i made this guy leader when he was TWELVE moons old#the whole point of them becoming friends in the first place is that theyre both young leaders - or in turtlestar's case former leader -#and they bond over leaderly woes and also the fact tey were both way too fucking young when they were made leader#turtlestar doubted herself too much that she talked herself out of it and rescinded her nine lives and ran away#skystar also had a rough patch at the beginning but he held on mostly bc of like#the terrible troubles cloudclan went through at the beginning also like the fucking yellowcough epidemic and everyone dying#also he lost a life to an eagle attack in the same moon that vixenfeather got scarred by an eagle#so i like to think he saved her from actually dying from the eagle#so theres all that#also side note vixenfeather was skystar's apprentice way back then :'D#anyway MY PIXEL KITTIES WHO ARE LIKE DOLLS I PLAY WITH !!! i care about them
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i wanna do a thing where i lay out studies that show things in different primates that show us parts of ourselves as humans. Call it Primates: Through the Looking Glass or The Monkey in the Mirror or something
There are studies and documentaries that show things about Gorillas, Chimpanzees, Bonobos, Baboons, Macaques... that just make sense to me. That if shown right would make sense to a lot of people, i think.
like... they were studying this one group of gorillas --
okay wait. First of all, you know a silverback (the Big Male) of the group is not the leader or in charge or anything, right? He has a role, and it includes a certain amount of control, which i’ll explain briefly, but he’s not, like, in charge.
wait, you know all that Dominance/Alpha theory about wolves is all wrong, right?
wait wait wait, and also that like, the bull or the stag or whatever in a herd is not in charge of anything, right? right?
hold on. the wolves is it’s own post, the herd thing i might get back to, we’re on gorillas, okay. Silverback is basically just the male head of an extended family in which plenty of the leadership is handled by the women of the family.
There are often 2-4 silverbacks, but one, usually the largest, will clearly be senior to the others who are often his sons or brothers. Silverbacks have three main roles
1: defend the group from all physical threats
aside from people, these threats are mostly random male gorillas, chimpanzee baby-snatching gangs, and the occasional leopard. Just his alert presence handles most scenarios, and then maybe a few times a year he has to risk his life fulfilling this responsibility.
It is this role that provides most of whatever actual power he has over the group, namely this: while he isn’t necessarily the one deciding when and where the group goes on a daily basis, if the most powerful/capable silverback does decide to travel a direction, they pretty much have to go with him, the family isn’t safe without him.
2: make babies.
And this is one area where the ladies of the group will sometimes sort of vote with their ovaries, and favor a silverback that isn’t the main one, like “yeah, Frank, you are the biggest, but honestly you’re a dick and we’re going to make sure the next generation of silverbacks isn’t another one of you.” When you see a main large silverback in a group of gorillas, it isn’t, like, his blindly loyal harem, they have to approve of him. Also gorilla females move between groups, and sometimes they take members with them or start new groups and stuff. Anyway i’m getting off track, one of the silverbacks jobs is making babies
3. keep the peace
This functions a lot like being in the back seat with your siblings with your parents up front. Basically any disputes within the group have to be handled within a certain parameter of decorum, because if it gets too out of hand HE’s going to come over, and He’ll be upset, which is low-key terrifying because He’s huge, and there’s no telling who He’ll decide is at fault or what he’ll do about it, so letting a situation get out of hand is a losing scenario for everyone involved really. Tho typically he will favor senior females in disputes, in a “don’t you talk that way to your mom” kind of way.
one last thing, silverbacks don’t actually transfer power between silverbacks via battle every time.
Like i was just reading accounts from a multi-generational observational study of some wild gorillas that featured one big silverback just straight up taking over by performing the silverback duties better and becoming preferred by everyone else in the group. There was no fight, it just became, i do the job better, everyone likes me better, kicking my ass can’t change that, and boom, he was the primary silverback.
And the other silverback might have been a bit dull, or a bit of a bully, but like us their species’ success is largely dependent on social intelligence; once he saw the writing on the wall, that other, slightly larger sivlerback didn’t even bother trying to change the situation with a physical fight, he understood what had happened.
okay so all that was just to tell you all this story. lol. Here’s what i saw in one documentary:
This very big, getting old silverback, who was hugely popular and successful, with a very large and tightly bonded family group, and a couple of his hulking adult sons backing him up. Everybody in his group seemed to love him a lot, he was particularly calm in that gentle giant sort of way, a safe, emotionally steady presence, happy to help raise his sons and daughters with kindness, and who could become a raging nightmare if pressed by a leopard ... exactly what a band of gorillas wants in a silverback.
But one of his adult sons had plenty of silver on his own back, and was getting itchier and itchier to be main man of the group, and this is where we start our little drama
It seems to be coming to a head, and the observers are nervous about a fight for the position. The silverback and his son are both are huge, probably approaching 400lbs, mostly muscle, with long thick fangs and skulls topped with jaw muscles as big as human biceps to wield those teeth, which nature has given them primarily to fight other gorillas with.
But then the next day, the old man leads the fam up the mountain.
it’s winter, which is why they have come down the mountain in the first place. But as we discussed, if he goes somewhere, they have to go, so they all follow behind.
up he goes, and then he sits. And waits. It’s cold and there is much less food up here at this time of year. There’s nothing to do but sit hungry in the cold. His size and metabolism makes him the most able to withstand the cold, but even he is pretty uncomfortable.
And so he sits. And his family, perhaps confused, but loyal, sits around him.
But his son, the other huge silverback, with years of training even as an adult under his wise father, is ready and able to go off on his own. Finally, he stands up, makes clear his intentions to leave this uncomfortable place. A small handful of the other gorillas stand with him -- if he goes down the mountain, then they can safely leave as well. He turns and heads down the mountain. After a moment, a few more gorillas leave the main group to follow. All in all it winds up being nearly half.
The wise older silverback thoughtfully watches his son leave with about half the group. He sits a while longer in the cold, in the company of those most loyal to him, and then takes them along a different path down the mountain
And those two groups still ran into each other sometimes, and were friendly. And sometimes a couple gorillas would change between the two groups. They were still close.
But i just thought that was such an elegant, meaningful way for that gorilla to handle that whole situation. And it makes a completely human sort of sense to me.
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