#this has like t wo more parts
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Part Two / Part Three
Ao3
It's 8:45 am.
The Red Barn, which is neither red nor a barn, has been open since 7, catering to the early morning crowd with rounds of coffee and pancakes.
It was no Benny's, but given the size of Hawkins and the lack of alternatives?
No one was complaining.
They were all too happy someone had opened up another watering hole for the working class man (or lass, as Foreman Shelly will dutifully remind you) which meant the place was packed with both day and night shift regulars, passing each other in staggered waves.
It also meant Wayne was sharing the packed breakfast counter with a warehouse worker by the name of John Cheese on one side and Police Chief Jim Hopper on the other.
He doesn't mind it.
Wayne's a man on a budget thinner than his shoelace, but he's also a man who understands that small indulgences need to be made in life or you didn't truly live it.
This is how he convinces himself to get a coffee at the Barn after work everyday, reading the morning newspaper and chatting with the other regulars before he heads home.
Bonus, it gets him out of the rapid-fire franticness that is his nephew in the mornings.
(All the love in the world wouldn't change the fact that all that Eddie came with a lot of noise.
The kind of noise that was a tried and true recipe for a headache right after a long shift.)
As a trade off, Wayne went to bed early so he could wake up in time for dinner with Eddie.
It was a nice little system that worked for them.
A routine Wayne was reminiscing fondly on, when the pager on Chief Hopper started to chirp. With a sad moan, the man fished out a few crumbled bills and threw them on the counter, abandoning his coffee to trudge out to his truck.
This was not unusual.
Particularly recently, given they were but a scant few weeks past that whole mall ordeal. A fact all too easy to remember when one caught sight of the Chief’s still healing face.
What was unusual, was when he came storming through the doors a minute later, face now a furious shade of red with his hat clenched in his hand.
The energy in the room shifted, taking on something a little watchful as Hopper swept his gaze from side to side, like a dog on the hunt.
Judging by the way he stilled when he caught sight of Wayne, the latter assumed he found what he was looking for and could only pray it was the person behind him.
(He liked John, but Wayne had enough trouble this year and he wasn't looking for any more.)
"Munson." Hopper called, striding over and dashing all his hopes. There was a choked fury emitting off him, and given the way John audibly scooted his chair away, Wayne knew everyone had clocked it.
"Chief." Wayne greeted, inclining his head towards him.
Idly he wondered what the hell his nephew had done this time.
'So help me if he stole all the town's lawn flamingos and put them in that damn teachers yard again….'
Wayne didn't even get to finish his threat, the Chief was already next to him.
"Mind if I have a word outside?"
Dammit Eddie.
"Ah hell, what's he done now?" Wayne asked with a sigh, eyeing the coffee he had left morosely.
There was still almost half of it left and the pot had tasted fresh for once.
"What?" Hopper said, and then Wayne got to watch as the man ran through an entire chain of thoughts, each one punctuated by things like; "Oh," and "No. "
"This is something else." He finished, flushed and fidgeting, anger making him antsy.
Wayne stared up at him.
"Something else?" He repeated, not sure he heard.
"Yes, something else." Hopper snapped impatiently, before leaning forward, voice dropping low. "This doesn't involve your nephew, but we both know you owe me for how many times I've let that kid off, Wayne. That's a damn big favor I've been doing you and I'm calling it in."
If it were any other cop, it'd sound like a threat.
It was Hopper though. The same Hopper who Wayne had gone to school with.
They'd never been friends exactly, but they had been friendly and remained so. Even now, after Wayne had taken Eddie in, who’d gone on to be an undeniable pain in the local PD’s ass.
Hopper really did let the kid off easy.
Wayne really did owe him.
So he put down his coffee with a sigh, passed his newspaper over to John and stood up, motioning for Hopper to lead the way. Got into the Chief’s truck when he waved him in, and didn’t make a big fuss when Hopper tore out of the parking lot like hell was about to open up under them.
"Not a lot of the kids involved in the mall fire could be identified, but a few of them were." Hopper started, which felt nonsensical given the utter lack of context.
Wayne hummed to show he’d heard.
“Some of them got banged up more than others, and a lot of people wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t make it.”
A pause, Hopper white knuckling the steering wheel as he swung the truck hard around a turn.
“For certain people, those kids dying is the preferred outcome.”
A mix of fear and warning swopped low in Wayne’s gut.
"Jim." Wayne said, dropping the use of a last name because if any situation called for it, it was this one. "What exactly are you saying here?"
The Chief chewed on his split lip.
"I know you're smart, Munson. I know you, and plenty of others are aware that something's happening, been happening in this town."
Which was a hell of an understatement if you asked Wayne. Plenty of the upper classes might be able to bury their heads when it came to the military parading about and the flow of “accidents” they brought in their wake, but then, they didn't see all the other signs of trouble.
The absolute oddity that was Starcourt’s construction.
How it had been built using primarily outside crews and anyone who'd taken a singular look at the site could tell you they were building it weird.
Weird as in it looked like it would have a multi-level basement, and not what a mall should have.
Then there were the constant electrical problems. The backups upon backups that failed. The late night delivery vans headed out to the Hawkins Lab.
The things in the woods that kept spooking all the deer and the weird markings they left behind that unnerved even the hardest of hunters.
This didn’t even touch the Russian military that more than one reputable person swore was hanging around.
The very same Wayne himself had seen, on more than one occasion.
(And you couldn’t deny it; those boys were military. Past or present, it didn’t matter. They moved like a threat, and Wayne treated them like one, staying well clear.)
"Yeah." Wayne admitted. "I also know better than to stick my nose in it."
"That makes you a smarter man than me.' Hop complained under his breath, but the anger was self directed.
"The point is, there are some government types crawling around, doing shit they shouldn't be doing, and more than a few of them are in the business of making people disappear.”
This was absolutely not where Wayne had thought this was going.
Hopper took a breath. Than another.
A third.
It was starting to make Wayne nervous, in a way he hadn’t felt since a social worker had brought Eddie to him for the last time and final time. It was the feeling that things were about to shift in a way that would change the course of his life.
"Steve Harrington is sitting in my office right now, beat to absolute shit.” Hopper admitted.
Wayne gave him the floor to talk, letting him go at his own pace without interruptions.
“He's there because some of those government types finally figured out his parents are never fucking home.”
Wayne sucked in a breath.
"We both know his parents, Wayne. Harassing them to come back and take care of their kid won't work, and frankly, I’m beginning to think all the phone lines are tapped anyway.” He winced here, like voicing such a thing pained him, and Wayne understood.
It sounded a little too out there, a little like he was buying into a conspiracy.
Except he wasn’t. Wayne knew he wasn’t.
Jim Hopper might have been an alcoholic, a man living in pain and unconcerned with his own life, but if there was one thing he was solid for, it was shit like this.
He didn’t jump to conclusions. Didn’t believe the first thing people told him. Even at his worst, he did the work to see what was really happening, and made his decisions from there.
(Even if that decision was to accept the occasional bribe, or drive an intoxicated 13 year old Eddie home instead of hauling his ass into the drunk tank.)
“Harrington won’t admit it, but he’s got a hell of a concussion if not a full blown brain injury and he’s not reacting as well as he should to Suites trying to run him off the road.” Hopper continued. Angrily, he added, “Damn kid didn’t even come to me until they tried to break into his house last night.”
His fingers squeezed the wheel so hard Wayne heard the leather creak in protest.
“I’d take him, but my cabin is being renovated from…” He trailed off, heaving a sigh.
“A storm, so me and my kid are bunked with the Byers right now and we’re full up.”
Hawkins hadn't had a storm like that in years, but Wayne wasn't going to call him out on the blatant lie.
“I need a place to stash him for the next few weeks, until I can work with some of the higher ups sniffing around, and get them to call off their attack dogs.”
“And you want to stuff him with me.” Wayne finished.
“I know you don’t have the room.” Hopper admitted easily, stopping his truck at a red light and locking eyes with the other man. “But I also know you’ll be the last place anyone would look for him.”
'Ain’t that the damn truth.'
“You’re really gonna go this far for a Harrington?” Wayne asked, instead of the million of other questions leaping to the forefront of his mind.
This one, he figured, was the most important.
“He’s not his dad.” Hopper said, as firm as Wayne had ever heard him. “He’s not either of his parents, and he saved my little girl.”
Wayne hadn’t even known Hopper had another little girl, but he also knew better than to ask where the guy had found one.
It wasn’t his business, just as nothing else Jim was involved in, was his business.
Except, apparently, Steve Harrington.
“I’m gonna need my own truck if I’m takin' Harrington home.” Wayne said easily, instead of bothering to ask anything else.
If Jim said the kid was different than his daddy, then he was--because when it came to things like that, Jim didn't lie.
No point in it.
“I know. Just needed to talk to you first, without anyone overhearing.” Jim said, before swinging the police truck around and heading back to the Barn.
“I’ll stay in contact with you, and I’ll make sure Harrington pays you for the pleasure of your hospitality. Just--” Here Jim cut himself off, looking like he was struggling an awful lot with the next thing he wanted to say.
Once again, Wayne waited him out.
“Don’t let Steve fool you. He’s good at fooling people, letting them think he’s okay. Too good at it, and between the two of us, I have a real good idea of the reason why.”
A memory came to Wayne unbidden, of Richard Harrington and Chet Hagan, beating some poor kid in the highschool bathroom bloody. The grins on their faces as the poor guy wailed for them to stop.
How they almost hadn’t.
“Alright.” Wayne agreed.
Hopper swung back into the Barn's parking lot, and Wayne moved right to his own beat to shit truck, ready to follow Jim back to the police station.
He wasn’t a praying man, not anymore, but Catholisim wasn’t a thing that let you go easy.
He found himself sending up a quick prayer, fingers flicking in a kind of miniature version of the sign of the cross.
Considering his own kid’s history with Harrington, and the sheer small space of the trailer?
Wayne had a feeling it was needed.
#this has like t wo more parts#pre steddie#wayne as a BAMF#wayne and Hopper both as psuedo parents to Steve#ya'll are gonna have to put up with my weird ass jumping all over the place warm ups sorry lol#Gary's fourth piece is coming no worries#and then this will either take its place or the other one I have will#you CANNOT look me in the eye and tell me all the blue color workers arent aware shits going down#like 100% local crews took one look at starcourt and went what the fuck#nevermind you know the local power plant lol#and with demo critters running around its not like they were tearing through brushes and shit#your local hunters are gonna know somethings up#anyway#beat to shit Steve Harrington#my beloved#hes gonna show up busted to shit with a major grade concussion and Eddie is gonna shit himself#steve harrington#steddie#I spelled collar color and im not changing it#outsider pov#wayne pov#I will write the first person who knows where I pulled John from a prompt of their choice#catholic wayne munson#jim hopper
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notes: a request from @silcosmoke who then went and did a version of this fic which is 🔥read it here!
rating: T
pairing: aziraphale x reader
cw: sexual harassment
Aziraphale’s hand is warm on your leg, protective, and ever so slightly possessive. Not that he’d admit to that last part, he’s an angel after all, and greed is unbecoming. But he does like that you are his.
“My round,” you say, noticing your glasses are empty. Aziraphale opens his mouth to object and request that he should buy again, but you press a finger to his lips before he can speak. He is silenced, smiling, and you head to the bar.
It’s a busy day, so you insert yourself in the crowd and try to make eye contact with the bartender. In fact, you don’t even notice someone has pushed in next to you intentionally until they start speaking.
“Hello, gorgeous.”
You look around, confused, before you realise he’s talking to you. He’s slurring his words, clearly a few pints deep already, and getting far too close for comfort.
“Can I help you?” you ask, not terribly upset yet, more annoyed. That changes when he lurches forward and presses his body into yours.
“Yeah, darling, actually I reckon you can…” he leers, his face disgustingly close to yours.
“Leave me alone, mate, I’m here with someone.”
The drunk clearly hasn’t realised. He’s too off his face to really know what he’s doing. That’s not an excuse or an apology, though, and you’re getting very angry.
“Fuck ‘em. Come on, let me get you a drink, looks like you know how to have some fun…”
You can smell the cheap lager on his breath, and when he reaches round to grab a handful of your arse, you shove him.
Well, you go to shove him. Aziraphale gets there first.
You’ve never seen him angry. Irritated, yes, miffed that you’ve had the last chocolate from the Milk Tray, but this is entirely different. There is hellfire in his eyes as he sweeps across the floor of the Dirty Donkey, grabbing the drunk’s collar with clenched fists, and smashing him down into the bar. He does so with such force that some of the wood cracks.
“What the fu–”
“I believe,” Aziraphale says levelly, “that you were asked to leave my companion alone.”
There is silence now, it has descended onto the pub like a heavy snowfall. Nobody has ever seen Aziraphale, cheerful if aloof A Z Fell, at the end of his tether like this. The drunk squirms. The angel grips his shirt tighter. It begins to rip around his knuckles.
“Alright, fuck, I’ll go…”
“Apologise.”
“What?”
Aziraphale nods over to you.
“Apologise. Nicely.”
The drunk looks up at you, properly terrified now.
“I’m s-sorry.”
Azirphale looks to you for confirmation that you’re happy with this. You give a small nod and the angel releases him, stepping back and dusting his hands off.
“Well I think you’d better–”
Before he can say ‘leave’, the drunk has disappeared, leaving a trail of wood chips and splinters in his wake. Aziraphale watches him until he’s out the door, then turns to the bartender.
“I am so sorry, please do let me pay for your bar to be fixed…”
You listen to Aziraphale sort out the details, feeling… strange. You’ve never seen your angel do anything like that. Eventually the hubbub returns to the bar and, rather than stay for another drink, the two of you decide to return home. You get to the alley beside the bar when you pounce on him, pressing him up against the alley wall and sealing your mouth on his. You’re just enough sheltered from the main street that nobody can see you, but it’s public enough that you can feel it revving Aziraphale’s motor. He accepts your kiss with enthusiasm, his touch a welcome one as it alights on your hips.
“What’s this for?” he asks, breathlessly, when you part. You grin.
“Never had someone defend me like that before. Quite liked it. Wanted to say thank you.”
And as you sink to your knees you can think of a very good way to thank him indeed.
taglist: @angiestopit@dazed-soul @@foolishprincipalitee@smile-eywa@staygoldsquatchling02@underratedboogeyman@cool-ontherun-world@emilynissangtr@cool-iguana@this--is--music @ilyatan @lxsm2@clarina04@wtfhasmy-lifecometo@mrgatotortuga@wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke@kimqueenofhell@chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t@am-i-obsessed---maybe@bakerstreethound
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Knights with a Idol S/O (part 1)
Knights (separately) Leo x gn reader, Izumi x gn reader
Fluff, Little angst, idol stuff.
Warnings: Anxiety thoughts (Izumi), nicknames, kisses,
This is the first part, the second is part here!☆
You belong to a new group under ES Square, you were already in a relationship with him when you debuted…
Leo Tsukinaga
At the beginning
He was so hyped up when you debut, he attended your concert, and he was the first in the line, screaming the song.
I really believe that he copy and paste the link of your debut song to all the contacts that he had in hold hands.
He will give you advice about how is alright to take the brakes once in a while.
He will make sure to be friends (or leave a good impression) with all your bandmates.
How he shows his love (in public, in private, etc.)
He won't stop talking about you.(he talks a lot about the things he loves)
Messages and calls in your free time, even between your activities, I believe that he would make time to do that.
When neither of you has idol activities, you would have dates in his room watching videos and documentaries about aliens, spending time together. (Natsume is so done with you two)
Kisses on the forehead and cheeks (Quick little kisses on the cheek in public) and a lot of hugs!
Communication is the key, Leo will make sure to have it!
I believe that one of his love languages is dedicating his songs to you.
“I promise you this, my dear” and with that “Silent Oath” by Knights finishes.
When you and he are in the same concert he would go to the dressing room you are in and would give you encouragement
“You will shine like you always do!” ”You have nothing to worry about, they gonna love you, but not as much I do!” “Show them your beautiful and powerful voice”
Another love language that he had is writing songs for you! if your group chooses one of the songs that he writes, he will say it to his fans.
How rumors start
Has I said before, he would say to his fans “By the way I write a song for (insert group name), they are very talented! I was really happy when they told me that they choose my song”
When he said that, all of his fans were a little suspicious about it, why does he have such interest in that group? That is how the rumors begin.
Another thing that caught the fan's attention was your actions.
On variety shows you would answer things like “Actually, my favorite song is (insert a knights song) because their voices are so beautiful” “I usually spend my free days with Leo-kun, we had a lot of fun!” “On my debut days, I always remember having a lovely supporter, thanks to them i keep going until today”
How the fans know about your relationship
Knights won an award, so they diced that Tsukasa and Leo would give the thanks speech to their fans.
Everything was going normal until Leo finished with “I wanna thank our princess for all the support that they gave us, I wanna give a special thank to (your name) for always supporting knights, but above all, for being my inspiration “ and with that, all the world knows that you and Leo were in a relationship
“I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have done that,” he said with tears in his eyes.
“Don´t worry love, I am thankful to be in your life ” you whipped his tears with your hands, grabbing him by his cheeks.
“You are not angry with me?” he asked looking at your eyes, see those beautiful green eyes happy again was the only thing that really matters to you.
“If I was you in that situation, I would do the same, or even worse, I would scream that I love you, aliens would know at that moment that we are in love” Both of you laugh when you said the last thing
“I love you dear” he saw your lips, he always does it when he wants a kiss.
“I love you more, Can I kiss you?” you said while you approached even more.
“Of course” he murmurs, his lips were soft.
You had your world in your hands.
Izumi Sena
At the beginning
Unfortanetaly, He was in Florence by the time you debuted, but after your concert finished, he would call you to say that he was watching you online and all the moments that had him fall in love more with you.
I believe that he has a lot of merch about you in his room, Shu probably has complained about it.
He will give you advice like is alright to do work perfectly, but will be occasions when you can't do that, is important that even if you get frustrated about it, don't give up, you are gonna be alright, you are human after all, take a break, and keep it going.
If one of your bandmates gets too close, he would tell you that he is jealous about it (please he needs a lot of words of affirmation).
How he shows his love (in public, in private, etc.)
One of his love languages is gift-making knit things for you! You already had a whole closet with the things that he made.
He would check on you via messages, he makes sure that you eat all your meals, and you are restringing well, etc.
When both of you had free time, you spent time together on dates outside ( like going to the beach, aquarium, looking at the stars) and inside (watching movies together, taking coffee while you catch up).
He is more to give hugs than kisses, in private we would love to kiss you on your cheeks (he gives you kisses on your hands when you are in public, he is very professional when both of you had worked together )
Izumi spent a lot of time working as a model, but when you need it he always is there for you.
“Izumi, don't you have work today?” “I reschedule it, have you eaten? get up, we are going to the cafeteria”
When both of you are on the stage, he will give little glances, only to make sure that you are alright.
Has I said before, he always does little things that prove that he loves you, for example, opening the door for you, carrying your things, ordering food for you, and retouching your make-up, etc.
How rumors start
It was his actions that betrayed him, he always makes sure that you are safe, little actions like holding your hand when both of you are getting down the stage, how he gives you attention when you speak on the microphone, etc.
Fancams of you and Izumi smiling at each other went viral, and soon both of you began to have worked as models for different campaigns (both of you were happy about it).
The connection that both have could be seen through the camera lenses, they invite you to a variety show.
How the fans know about your relationship.
In the variety show that you were invited to, you said it unconsciously, you found out when you saw the episode on the TV, fortunately, Izumi was with you at the time.
In the episode, both of you were doing an activity that was a little dangerous and you said “Be careful love”, Izumi responded “Don't worry, we are gonna win this”, and both of you know that this is only going to confirm the dating rumors.
“Are you scared?” he asked, you were in total shock, how could you say it so naturally? What is gonna happened next? Anxious thoughts were running wild in your mind.
“Love, look, everything will be alright, don't worry” you don't even notice when he approached until he was hugging you.
“I´m sorry” tears start to fall while hugging Izumi.
“What are you apologizing for? I couldn't be more proud that I have you as my partner, that we love each other” he murmurs in your ear “Besides, we are pretty obvious, and the media love us, so relax, believe in me that everything is gonna be alright” he whipped your tears.
“Gosh I love you so much, you know that?”
“Yeah, Who doesn't love me?”
“You are ruining the mood, love”
“I´m ruining it?” he said caressing your cheek with his hand while he approached to kiss you.
“Sometimes I hate you” you murmur into his lips.
#ensemble stars#enstars x reader#enstars imagines#enstars ff#enstars x you#enstars fluff#leo tsukinaga#leo tsukinaga x reader#leo tsukinaga x yn#izumi sena#izumi sena x reader#izumi sena x y/n#izumi sena x you#knights enstars#yuuki works ☆#knights ☆#headcanon ☆#esworks
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I would loveee fics where Andrew defends Neil to aaron and the other foxes (but definitely Aaron), i’ve seen so many of Neil defending Andrew but not a lot of the other way around and Neil deserves to have his man defend his honorrr
In canon, post-medication Andrew does not talk much to anyone besides Neil. Still there are definitely fics with this. Just know Andrew’s defense of Neil can be one sentence in a story, and physical violence is often his preferred method of communication. -A
previous recs
‘The Ash is in Our Clothes’ here
‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’ here
‘in the common tongue’ here
‘I hate him,’ ‘One day we'll reveal the truth,’ ‘i'm getting static from my better sense’ and ‘My brother under the sun’ here
‘some1 saying something…’ here
‘Ember’ here
‘Can he play?’ here
‘Surreal But Nice’ here
‘Least Favorite Only Child’ here
‘Fighting Words’ here
‘Trust Fall (And Welcoming Arms)’ here
‘(Don't) Stand So Close’ here
‘In the Eye of the Beholder’ here
‘Beach Bois’ here
‘I'm Not Okay (I Promise).’ and ‘It’s not living (If it’s not with you)’ here
‘soft spots make easy targets’ here
‘Even the Darkest Night Will End’ and ‘The Andreil escapades’ here
in Masterlist for Nicky Kissing Neil: ‘The Kiss,’ ‘History Repeating,’ ‘Andrew Finds Out,’ ‘Something, Nothing & Everything’ (also big twinyards confrontation), ‘A Crack in the Mask,’ ‘Truth Time, ‘Truths Come Out,’ ‘The Unkindness of Ravens’ ch 16, ‘Delayed Reaction,’ ‘Delayed reaction (the fear of falling remix),’ ‘All For The Game Musings,’ ‘andrew finds out about what happened…,’ ‘Hold Each Other’ ch 6 and ch 15, and ‘Slip’. Finally, ‘Lessons in Cartography’ has Andrew defending Neil to both Aaron and Jack throughout
Andrew defends Neil to non-foxes
‘Something About The Sunshine’ here
‘Warmth’ here
Foxhole Tidbits ‘Ch. 22: Silent, but Snarky’ here
‘Through A Glass Darkly’ and ‘Some Things You Just Can't Bury’ here
‘Martyr’ here
‘The Bones of You’ here
‘monsters at night’ here
‘Killer Bunny’ here
‘you're not next before forever’ here (completed)
‘looking for you’ here
‘Give Me Another Minute (to Lay Here in Your Echo)’ here
‘Ficlet Collection…’ ch 35-37 here
you may also like
feral protective Andrew here
protective/possessive Andrew here
overprotective Andrew here
protective Andrew here
protective Andrew gets hurt here
protective Neil/Andrew here
jealous Andrew here
previous recs where Andrew kills Nathan here
our latest Neil & Aaron ask here
Unconventional Therapy by JostenlovesMinyard [Rated M, Twinyards Appreciation Week 2021]
Twinyard Appreciation Week - Day 2 | “bottle episode”
Andrew and Aaron attend their weekly therapy session but things don’t quite go to plan when the door handle falls off and they’re stuck in there together.
tw: implied/referenced rape/nocon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse
Nothing is Safe series by hismiley16 [Rated T/M/E, Collection, 7 complete works, Updated July 2023]
Part 4: Written On His Skin [Not Rated, 11344 Words]
The Foxes face the Ravens for the first time since Riko's death and things go as well as expected. Andrew is mildly injured on the court and isn't there to protect Neil when the new Evermore captain comes for him after the game. The team sees more than Neil ever wanted them to, including the ghost of Nathaniel he thought he'd buried in Baltimore.
tw: vomit, tw: bullying, tw: nonconsensual touch/assault tw: dissociation, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced animal death, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon
this is me trying by crownowl [Not Rated, 2142 Words, Complete, 2023]
After Neil has a panic attack Andrew finds out exactly what happened when Nicky drugged Neil and he is not happy.
tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual kissing, tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual drug use, tw: ptsd
Don't let me be by Cutie_Wan [Not Rated, 1983 Words, Complete, 2023]
Neil suffers a major dissociation episode in front of the Foxes.
tw: dissociation, tw: violence
One Step Forward by thecompletebookworm [Rated T, 1665 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2020]
Based on the prompt: “Andrew and Aaron talking and solving their problems”
"If you really don't care about Andrew, why does Neil bother you so much?" Dobson asked during their Wednesday session.
Aaron dug his fingers into the couch. He hated this. Hated that the only time he could get answers out of Andrew was when he was sitting in front of a shrink. A shrink who was undoubtedly on his brother's side. And that in order to get answers he had to rip himself raw first.
tw: implied/referenced rape/nocon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse
Angry Alone by obsessivereader156 [Not Rated, 1799 Words, Complete, 2023]
“Of course I’m not homophobic, you asshole. What are you even talking about?”
“Aaron, please don’t use that type of language here,” Betsy softly interjects.
“You’ve been very hostile towards Neil,” Andrew says plainly, as if that’s enough of an answer.
______________________________
Aaron has been feeling angry and alone lately. Maybe he doesn't have to be alone about it.
Everything's Alright by DarkD [Rated E, 182901 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2023]
Souls weren't meant to be left alone, so they split, always looking for their other half.
No matter how long it took, the moment a soul existed, it sought the one that would complete it.
The main indication is, when one of the halves of the soul turns seven years old, an identical mark appears on both parts.
Along with that comes a set of unique abilities that soulmates can only use with each other—for protection, for finding each other.
Soulmates would never be alone.
tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: child abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood, tw: gun violence, tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: murder, tw: canonical character death
A flash of anger. prompt fill by @nickyhenmick [Tumblr, 2016]
All reporters got on Andrew’s nerves. They were invasive and never asked interesting questions, and there was probably a reason he was rarely allowed to be on press duty.
a stupid ass decision prompt fill by @find-yourself-in-passion [Tumblr, 2017]
“I recognize that you have reached a decision,” Andrew replied over the top of Neil’s protests, unwrapping his right hand in such a rush that Neil knew he was going to have red marks where the tap ripped at his flesh.
“Andrew-”
“But given that it is a stupid ass decision,” He continued on, refusing to acknowledge the other man’s piercing gaze on him as he threw his bag and shoes in the closet, knowing what faced him when he turned around. “I have elected to ignore it.”
Art
3 & 10 art by @thematicallycoherent
im thinkin bout these two art by @wiltkingart
Safe. art by @eislekaj on instagram
exy banquet smoke break art by @twohiddenhalves
Vkook as reference art by @reyko__ on instagram
roof. andrew. tattoos. and two cigarettes. and neil. art by @puhnatsson
Someone strong to lean on art by @fornavn
#fic#neil josten/andrew minyard#aaron minyard & andrew minyard#betsy dobson & aaron minyard & andrew minyard#betsy dobson & neil josten#mary hatford & neil josten#neil josten & nathan wesninski#universe: post canon#au: soulmates#theme: therapy#theme: communication#theme: families#theme: dissociation#theme: protectiveness#theme: neil's past#theme: the freshmen#theme: ptsd#theme: angst with a happy ending#twinyards appreciation week#aftg exchange#tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon#tw: implied/referenced animal death#tw: implied/referenced self harm#tw: dissociation#tw: graphic depictions of violence#tw: child abuse#tw: torture#tw: homophobia#tw: ptsd#tw: noncon
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Euphoric
Words: 3,587
POV: 3rd Person and brief 1st Person
Pairing: Gabriel x Trans!FTM!Winchester!Reader
Warning(s): Fluff, Language, Dysphoria, a single mention of Deadname (D/N), self-hate, mention of past self-harm, attempted self-harm, hurt/comfort
Summary: Dysphoria can hit at any moment, and when it hits, it hits hard. The reader is going through a tough time with the way he looks, doubting himself and the people around him. When he feels at his lowest, ready to seep back into his old ways, his boyfriend, Gabriel, is there to help him out.
Request:
Hi I've been binge-reading your stories recently and I was wondering if you could do this request. :)
So a Gabriel/FTM!Reader where the reader is dealing with really bad dysphoria (possibly mentioning past SH?) and a comforting Gabe? Possibly with an established relationship?
(Would be so fucking rad if he Sam and Dean's younger brother!!)
Tysm even if you don't do this, I love your work so much and it's helped so much recently
@genekies
A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, hun! A lot has been going on at work that has taken my focus away from writing. However, I finally found the inspiration to write this with the help of my Supernatural novels that I found hidden away in a box! I really hope you enjoy this story and that it brings you some type of comfort! Feedback is greatly appreciated!
Much love~
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Good morning, sugarplum!
Sorry, I couldn’t be there when you woke up this morning. Duty calls. I’ll be back later tonight! I hope you have a good day! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! <3
Your Casanova,
Gabriel
Why do some people wake up with an already negative attitude? A multitude of factors could be the cause; relationship issues, low self-esteem, stress, unhealthy thoughts, and lack of sleep are just a handful of possibilities. Some have their reasonings read out to them by a licensed professional they pay an arm and a leg to visit every couple of weeks, while others lack the funds and/or the proper motivation to cope, so they bottle it up inside, casting it away to the darkest depths of their mind for weeks, maybe months. They ignore the feelings they get, the troubles that stalk them, until the bottle inside of them fills to the brim. It shakes and stirs, begging for release. It spills out, slowly at first, but then the pressure becomes too much to handle, and it combusts.
And (Y/N) felt like he was about to explode.
Nothing looked right. His jawline wasn’t sharp enough, his curves were more pronounced than ever, his binder didn’t make him flat enough, he was too short, the hair on his face was barely considered peach fuzz at that point, and his eyes - yes, his eyes - screamed femininity. Screamed female. Screamed everything about you is wrong. Screamed;
You are not a man, and you never will be.
It wasn’t often that his gender dysphoria acted out as bad as it had that day. Sure, there were times when he woke up and the negative thoughts just never seemed to go away. The thoughts that made certain parts of him look wrong, misplaced. Rarely had his mind told him that everything about him was wrong. Rarely did his mind tell him he wasn’t the man he wanted to be. But, when those thoughts arose, they hit him hard, as if he got struck by a semi-truck going eighty on the interstate. It hollowed him out and made him a shell of his former self. A shell that was slowly wilting away.
His brothers were the first to notice his shift in demeanor. While he normally came into the kitchen every morning with a goofy grin on his face, a smile was nowhere to be seen. His head was cast down and he barely spoke a word to either Sam or Dean. Another thing they noticed was the lack of exposed skin he had. Usually, (Y/N) would walk out of his room clad in a t-shirt and shorts in the morning. That day, he wore a hoodie, sweatpants, and socks. The temperature in the bunker hadn’t changed, so it wouldn’t make sense that he was cold. If he had been, he would have complained about it for the rest of the day, yet he didn’t say a word. Instead, he silently got some coffee and sat down with his brothers at the table. He didn’t engage in conversation.
Later on, the three of them sat in the library, heads buried in books and computer screens. They would typically sit around, and talk about potential hunts or random information that they had found. (Y/N) acted the same way he did when he was in the kitchen, though. He was physically present, but nowhere near as mentally present. His head was down, the cord from his earbuds wrapped around his phone, which was sitting next to the book he had been reading. It didn’t even seem as if he was actively reading the text. It had been ten minutes since he turned the page.
Sam leaned closer to Dean, who sat next to him. “Does he seem off to you?” He asked in a low, quiet voice.
Dean looked up from his computer and glanced over at his youngest brother. He hesitated, studying him for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, something’s wrong with him. Has he said anything?”
Sam shook his head. “No.”
“Do you think it has something to do with Gabriel?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
Dean pursed his lips for a moment before he turned back to (Y/N). He leaned over and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. (Y/N) lifted his head to look at his brother and, for the first time that whole morning, their eyes connected. Dean noticed something almost immediately. His eyes were empty, void of any emotion. (Y/N) took an earbud out.
“Yeah?” He asked, voice low and monotone.
“Hey, man, you doing okay?”
(Y/N) looked away for a moment. “Yeah?” He shook his head and shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You just seem a bit off today.”
“I’m fine.”
“Did something happen with Gabriel?” Sam asked.
“No? I said I’m fine.”
“Ok, well, obviously you’re not,” Dean said. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” (Y/N) spoke in an exasperated tone.
“(Y/N),” Sam leaned forward, palms flat on the wooden surface. “If something’s wrong, you know you can tell us, right?”
“Nothing’s wrong! Will you two stop fucking bugging me!?” He exclaimed.
(Y/N) slammed his book shut and shoved it away from him. Quickly, he stood, stuffed his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, and stormed out of the library. Sam and Dean’s eyes were attached to him until he was out of sight. Dean and Sam shot a glance at one another, both of them opening their mouths as if to say something, but decided against it before they went back to their work.
(Y/N) was numb, aside from the small annoyance that had bubbled up inside of him from his brothers’ persistence. One common trait that was distributed through all the Winchester siblings was the lack of willingness to talk about their emotions. It was an ideology that was beaten into them when they were younger and first got into hunting. Bury your emotions deep within, don’t let them show, and don’t let your enemy know your weakness. Hell, don’t let your allies know your weaknesses, either. They’ll turn their back on you if they see you at your lowest. Stay strong, hide your feelings, and don’t let anyone in, even if it’s family.
When he made it back to his room, he walked over to the small dresser that was pressed along the far wall. Beside the dresser sat his tennis shoes. He grabbed them and put them on. He walked back over to the dresser, opened up the top drawer, and rummaged around in his undergarments for a moment before he fished out a pack of Marlboro Reds. The box was slightly creased, the plastic rustling in his grasp. It had been a while since he had a cigarette. He hadn’t felt the need for them, but he could feel the stress and anxiety grumble inside of him. He needed something to clear his mind. (Y/N) placed the carton into his hoodie pocket and left his room.
As he made his way past the library archway, he was stopped by his brother’s voice.
“Where’re you going?” Dean piped up.
(Y/N) stopped in his tracks and turned towards them. “Out.”
“Out where?” Sam asked.
“Look, I’m just going to take a walk around the bunker, that’s all. Going to clear my head.”
Dean and Sam shared a look. “You sure?” Dean asked.
“Yeah,” (Y/N) shrugged. “Just need a breather is all.”
“Alright, well…don’t go wandering too far.”
“I won’t.” (Y/N) shared a small smile.
Sam and Dean returned the smile as (Y/N) turned his back on his brothers and headed up the staircase toward the front door.
The afternoon sun slithered past the canopy of oak tree branches. Orange, red, and yellow leaves shined bright, painting the dirt floor like a kaleidoscope. About half a mile from the bunker, a dead tree had fallen during a heavy thunderstorm several years prior. The trunk has since been embedded in the ground, forming a natural bench in the middle of the forest. This was where (Y/N) had gone to clear his head.
He sat at the edge of the log, back slouched, elbows resting against his knees, and hands hung limply between his legs. The smoke from his lit cig wafted upward towards the treetops. The end of the cigarette slowly withered away, a small amount of ash falling upon the autumn leaves. His eyes were cast down and glazed over, the thoughts in his mind running at a hundred miles an hour.
You’re delusional. A man? No one would ever consider you a man. You look nothing like a man. Nothing like what you want to, and you never will. You’ll always look like the girl you were born as. You’ll always be (D/N), and there is nothing you can do about it. Sam, Dean, Gabriel? They’re all lying to you. They’re feeding into your delusion because they feel bad for you. They don’t love you or support you. They’ll never see you as a man. Never have and never will.
(Y/N) lowered his head as he brought the cigarette up to his lips. He inhaled deeply, feeling the burn of the smoke filling his lungs, before he brought the cig away from his mouth. He tapped the end of the cig, the ash falling onto the ground. As he shifted, the sleeves of his hoodie lifted, the remnants of depressive episodes from his past peeking out through the cotton fabric. His eyes shifted to the discolored scars. He could remember how he felt when he first made the scars. The relaxation he felt afterward, the relief. It was a distraction from the pain he felt within. It was a distraction that he desperately craved.
For a moment, he looked at the end of the cigarette. It was slowly dwindling to half its original length. He shifted it in his fingers and brought it to his wrist, stopping right before the end of the butt touched his skin. He hesitated and contemplated. (Y/N) closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and moved the cig closer to his arm.
“Hey Sugarplum,” the voice came out of nowhere.
(Y/N) let out a startled shout, the cigarette fell to the ground as he turned toward the sound of the voice. Sitting beside him on the log was Gabriel, his signature smirk etched onto his lips. (Y/N) sighed and leaned down, grabbed the butt, brought it to his lips, and took a final drag. He then lifted his foot and put the cig out on the bottom of his shoe before he flicked the remnants onto the ground. He placed his hand on the log and exhaled, the smoke leaving his lungs and creating a halo around his head.
“A little birdie or two told me you went on a walk. The little birdie also told me you weren’t feeling the best.” Gabriel said as he reached an arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders.
(Y/N) could feel himself instantly relax at Gabriel’s touch, the tension leaving his shoulders. So much was going through his head. So many emotions beating at his heart, begging to be released, begging to be expressed. Yet something was stopping them.
“I’m fine,” (Y/N) said, his voice soft.
The smirk was gone from Gabriel’s face, his expression turned more serious. He inched closer to (Y/N) so that their sides were pressing against one another. He pulled him close.
“You know that’s not true,” Gabriel whispered. He pressed his nose against (Y/N)’s cheek. He ran his fingers through his hair softly and soothingly. “I can hear everything going on in your pretty little head, sugar, and I know that it’s not quiet.”
Gabriel’s closeness was comforting, something that he had been craving all day. The longer Gabriel sat next to him, the more relaxed he felt, yet the demons were still scratching at the inner crevices of his mind. With the mixed feelings he experienced, it was all so overwhelming. (Y/N) recognized the familiar prickle of tears appearing in the corner of his eyes.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Gabriel breathed as he wrapped his arms around (Y/N)’s body, pulling him as close as he could, his head resting on Gabriel’s chest.
(Y/N) sniffled as he allowed the tears to fall, something that didn’t happen very often. Something he would, normally, not let himself do. Be vulnerable. Vulnerability is what gets you killed in the hunting career, and there was no time for that. Still, the warm feeling of Gabriel’s arms wrapped around him made him feel at home, made him feel safe, and told him that it was okay to let himself go.
Gabriel rubbed (Y/N)’s back. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” He asked quietly.
(Y/N) hesitated for a moment as he clasped his hands together. He rubbed the back of his knuckles, a soothing gesture he learned from a young age. “I don’t…” he trailed and let out a sigh, shoulders slouched. “I don’t look like a man.”
“What?” Gabriel furrowed his brows.
“I don’t look like a man, okay!?” (Y/N) exclaimed and moved away from Gabriel, standing abruptly. “I mean, look at me! I’m so short and feminine! Look at my hips! Look at my face! Everything about me is wrong. Everything about me isn’t what it’s supposed to be and it’s killing me.” (Y/N)’s voice got louder, frustration evident in his tone.
The tears were freefalling, and (Y/N) did not attempt to wipe them away. Gabriel simply stared up at him, listening, a saddened expression making its way across his face.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and see nothing but a body that you hate? A body that you don’t want to be in? That you feel like you don’t belong in? It feels like my life is a lie, that I’ve just been kidding myself when I said that I could finally be the man that I always wanted to be. Everything that you or Sam or Dean have said about me, validating my emotions, supporting me through everything, was just some pathetic pity party in an attempt to make me feel better about myself, even though, deep down, I know I’m not going to look anything like I want to. I’m not going to be the man that I’ve always dreamt I’d be because I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this worthless body that I was forced to have and I can’t do anything about it. I want…”
The tears were coming faster now, his words becoming shaky, almost unintelligible.
“I want to be happy…but I look at myself and I just can’t.”
Gabriel stood and walked over to him. “(Y/N), look at me,” he reached down and cupped (Y/N)’s wet cheeks, lifting his head so that he could gaze into his reddening eyes. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears away. “Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?” He had a smile on his face.
(Y/N) sniffled. “What?”
“I see a handsome, strong, brave man who risks his life daily for the people that he loves. I see a man with a heart of gold, who would do anything to make other people happy. I see the most handsome man on the face of this planet, the most wonderful man that my father had ever created. More importantly, I see your soul.”
“My soul?”
“Yes, your soul. I see how bright, beautiful, magnificent, and glorious it is. How perfect it is. The man you truly are.”
(Y/N) looked down at the ground. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s middle. Gabriel wrapped his arms around him, running his fingers through his hair.
“I know it’s hard some days. You look at yourself and don’t like what you see. You feel like there’s nothing you can do to change it. That people aren’t going to see you for who you are. I hate to break it to you, sugarplum, but that’s all I see.” He chuckled deeply. “All I can see is the man you are. The man you were meant to be. And some days are going to be harder than others, you're going to beat yourself up more than you should, and that’s okay. Because, in the end, you’ll get through this. You’ll gain your confidence back. You’ll see yourself and finally say ‘This is me’, and I am going to be with you every step of the way.”
Gabriel leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of (Y/N)’s forehead.
“Because I love you. Every part of you. The parts that you like and the parts that you don’t like. I love it even more when you’re happy with yourself. When you love yourself. And even if I pop in one day and you’re dressed as an Oompa Loompa with a five-foot-tall bright green and yellow mohawk and a beard the size of Gandolf’s, then I would still love you.”
(Y/N) snorted and let out a short laugh. “You’re ridiculous.” (Y/N) shook his head. “An Oompa Loompa?”
“Hey, it’s not my place to judge if or when you decide to dress up as an Oompa Loompa.”
(Y/N) rolled his eyes, a smile curled into the corner of his lips. Gabriel brushed his wet cheek with his thumb.
“Feeling better?” He asked softly.
“Yeah, a little.”
“Good, I’m glad. And I’m proud of you.”
(Y/N) furrowed his brows and glanced up at Gabriel. “For what?”
“For telling me how you feel. If I know anything about you Winchesters, I know that that wasn’t easy.”
“It wasn’t. But…it felt good.”
Gabriel nodded. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against (Y/N)’s lips. When he pulled back, he stared lovingly into his eyes.
“You’re my person, (Y/N). The person that I love and care for, and if you ever feel like this again, just give me a shout and I’ll be there faster than you can get my name out of your mouth. I never want you to be alone when you feel like this. You don’t deserve to be alone through this. Promise me that you’ll call me next time you feel like this?” Gabriel’s hands trailed down from his face to his arms and stopped to grab his wrists gently. He rubbed them softly through the sleeves.
(Y/N) opened his mouth and hesitated. “I can’t promise, but I’ll try.”
“That’s all I needed to hear,” Gabriel smirked and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Now, do you want to go back to the bunker? We can cuddle on your bed, and watch some of those terrible reality TV shows. I think I have a bit of an addiction to 90-Day-Fiance.”
(Y/N) smiled. “Do you mind if we sit out here for a little bit? It’s a beautiful day out and…I’m not quite ready to go back inside yet.”
“Of course, anything for my sugarplum,” he leaned forward, his nose brushing gently against (Y/N)’s.
“Thank you,” (Y/N) whispered. “I love you. I don’t deserve you.”
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong. You deserve the world and every beautiful thing in it.”
“I don’t want the world. All I want is you.”
“Then have me you shall. Forever and always.”
“Forever and always?” (Y/N) lifted a hand, his pinkie finger sticking out.
Gabriel smirked and chuckled. He lifted a hand, hooked his pinkie onto (Y/N)’s, and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Forever and always.”
My Dearest (Y/N),
I’m writing this, not as one of my regular notes, but as a reminder to you. I want you to pack this away somewhere safe where you can take it out and read it whenever you feel down about yourself in any way.
You are strong. You are brave. You are handsome. You are perfect. You are loved. You are you.
I know it’s hard to see yourself in a positive light at the moment, and everything may seem like it’s closing in as if nothing is going right and it will never get fixed, but, just know, you’ll make it through this. Just like you’ve done on multiple hunts, you will prevail. You will conquer the enemy, even if that enemy is yourself.
Remember, you don’t have to fight this battle alone. I’m here for you, and so is Sam and Dean. We all love you so much and we want you to be happy! We love seeing your smile when you walk into a room. You brighten our day just by being you, and nothing will ever change that.
If you need anything, anything at all, just think of me, and I will be there for you. We can watch your favorite movie and I’ll even bring you some of those little dessert cakes you like from the cafe I took you to on our first date. Even if you don’t want to talk to me about it, I want you to know that you don’t have to suffer in silence. Not while I’m around. I’ll always be by your side, no matter what you go through.
I love you,
Forever and always,
Your Casanova,
Gabriel
#supernatural#Supernatural#SPN#spn#Dean Winchester#Sam Winchester#Gabriel#Archangel Gabriel#dean winchester#sam winchester#gabriel#archangel gabriel#Supernatural Scribe#supernatural scribe#supernatural x reader#request#transgender#trans!reader#ftm!reader#supernatural imagine#Supernatural Imagine#spn x reader#SPN x Reader
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ditto / cbg
word count: 3,550
genre: angst, supernatural
warnings: some profanity, talks about loneliness and grief, bullying (microscopic mention), and you can view this romantically or platonically ~ just know, there’s definitely love
synopsis: the day arrives where beomgyu, your angel, is leaving you, you realize you have nothing left to lose ★ request
soundtrack: ditto by newjeans
There’s more than enough reason to call Beomgyu a miracle to your life.
For one, he has illuminated and brought forth love and joy and friendship to you miraculously because it is not colorful and not brimming with life. Another, and perhaps the most obvious, is that he isn’t exactly human, unregistered by any other person. Only you have been given the gift of seeing him and talking to him, but that’s where the line is drawn. Even with such a limit, he has never failed you in this lifetime.
He was with you through the many moves from many childhood homes that never saw a birthday, every graduation, played with you and was always by your side when no one wanted to even sit with you at lunch or in class, made sure you’d walk anywhere and arrive safely, and never made you feel alone through all the highs and lows — and you had a lot of lows.
He is an eternal best friend.
At least you think so.
Beomgyu knows the end. And he knows it’s near for no longer being a part in your life. The worst part is that you don’t. How does he drop such a bombshell? There’s a list of reasons as to why he feels he can’t say. You’ve been doing so good lately, too, finally having gotten a paid internship at your dream job, earned a raise at your other part time one, and you figured out how to balance everything else perfectly, and yes, that includes a part for Beomgyu. There is a time devoted to long walks where you can talk to him, even if that’s what you do all day. You simply can’t get enough.
Maybe that’s why in your heart, even after all this time, you still fear the possibility of him leaving. In your eyes, nothing feels forever, even if it’s all you’ve ever known because you’ve known him for so long. There’s no other way to put your fear of losing the one good thing you’ve been given in your little life.
Sure, it’s nothing close to perfect. All throughout your school years, you had no one else but him. He’s been everything to you for so long, it’s true, but you were so alienated form everyone else that you didn’t really have a choice. The heavy weight of the stares and the constant discourse about yourself became something you could brush off. Especially when all you cared about was Beomgyu. So much joy and laughter he brought you, making you light up, when, to the people around you, you looked nothing more than someone entertaining themselves with make-belief.
No one else can see him but you. With that, it means you can’t touch or feel him. Seeing him was enough. A gentle, pretty person, long eyelashes, shaggy chestnut hair, white t-shirt and dark pants though every time you try and think of him in any other clothes your image of him gets fuzzy, but that’s who he is — your invisible friend who makes you laugh, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on. No one else was there for you, but Beomgyu. Your parents or people who would pick on you would try and confront you about your imaginary friend. Despite being unable to touch, you still felt the ghost of his hand on yours as you held your ground, refusing to give in to their accusations that you were delusional.
All this time, it’s just been you and him.
How could you question this weird fate that has perhaps saved your life in a million ways? Every now and again, you wake up from nightmares of life without Beomgyu, a tragic reality of loneliness and this pressurized but heavy fear of unknown filled in your chest because that’s how life used to be
College is here and there’s no pressure to make friends like back then, but you have toned yourself down. You do make two friends though, and one of them even works at your internship! Things are doing good.
But, like always, nothing stays that way.
So, the day where he must break the news eventually comes. It’s not a special one. Just a regular day of waking up, taking a walk and chatting, getting ready, Beomgyu reminding you to eat breakfast, which you do!, off to work, getting off work, making dinner, getting ready to watch a show on your couch, and the further the day has gone by, the less your typically loud angel talked. It felt a bit confining.
“Beomgyu? What is it?” You chose your words carefully, setting down your takeout with shaking hands. It’s like your body recognizes your fear before you even register it. The dim lighting beside him makes his features softer yet does nothing to lighten the very dark look in his eyes. “I… I need to tell you something.” He says, confirming your suspicions even if you don’t know why. That feeling in the pit of your stomach tightens and you just know it won’t be good. It’s dread, fear, denial, anguish, pain, panic, everything you’ve been avoiding, and he hasn’t even said anything.
“It’s nothing, forget I said anything.” “Beomgyu — ” “I swear! I’ll tell you later!” “There won’t be a later though… will there?”
The cicadas and mourning doves cry into the night, your wall clock somehow a lot louder than anything. The universe is giving you all the signs, yet he won’t. His lips tremble, a breath so shaky it could have fooled you for human leaving his body in small beats that has wrought his shoulders, and your heart is past the crust and mantle of your stomach.
He shakes his head very slowly, warily as if any wrong move could destruct entire infrastructures and civilizations. This moment right now sure feels like it.
And while it’s as though you’re pulling on the knife of the truth to pierce you further and further, a metaphorical hand over his as he painstakingly reveals why. There’s this look of nothingness across your face as he unravels each fine layer he’s kept to himself for all these years. His mission’s complete. You aren’t the first and you most likely won’t be the last. Each word drives a blade deeper in but you don’t see yourself walking away from this. In fact, all you see is Beomgyu talking but the more he talks, he sounds so far away.
After a few minutes, of which you just sat through blankly, you’re the first to draw up and move to your kitchen table, setting down the remote control on the way, to which you’d had in a vice grip.
“Why did you wait so long to tell me?” There’s an edge of accusation on your tongue to which he winces. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew you’d be upset with me and it’s just — you’ve been doing so good. It wouldn’t be fair.”
Your eyes are wide, pupils frozen but eyelids stretched and mouth caught at an angle that only gives away half the rage you’re feeling.
“You don’t think this is fair?” The doves no longer cry but the cicadas still sing in the background of this sudden tear of your reality. “It was never going to be fair! You’re leaving me and you have the goddamn nerve to have kept this information to yourself, knowing that I’m the one who’s going to suffer. Knowing that everyone always leaves me, knowing you’re the closest anyone’s ever got, and that you’re all I’ve ever had, and how much it’s hurt for anyone else to walk away from me when that’s what you’re doing. That’s what’s not fair to me, I can hardly look at you right now…” your words die, thin bated breaths of hyperventilating funnel from your frown, arms coming round to self soothe yourself. Beomgyu is by your side in an instant, but when you turn your face from him, he pauses. An outreached hand slowly falling back down to his side.
Rather than the voice of reason and wisdom, instead comes this unfamiliar one stemming from a far more unfamiliar place, your friend goes so far as to argue,
“Me telling you earlier wasn’t gonna change anything. Sorry I tried to keep you happy a little longer than you wanted.” It was a lame argument to pose in your case, in turn making you scowl.
“Oh, fuck you.” You hiss out, eyes getting shinier and shinier, vision blurring more and more.
Beomgyu has been wrestling with this information for a decade now. Living with guilt just as long. Contrary to all the missions he’s had in his lifetime, he’s never felt so active in his role, if that’s the word he resonates more with. There’s something different here, unable to hold his tongue and his mind and his heart that grows fleshier and fleshier the more time he’s spend on Earth, and especially with you. This unfamiliar drive that’s starting to mimic you and other humans.
“Look,” he starts with a sigh, closing his eyes, long eyelashes batting and almost making you forget the intensity of the situation. You were going to lose him forever. Your body wailed at you.
The forefront briefly whispered, pretty eyelashes, pretty eyelashes, painting a distant memory wherein you couldn’t sleep one night, lying flat in the midst of your covers and Beomgyu had laid beside you, watching you. That night, deep into twilight, you whispered your incoherent conversations and as the night grew later, you confessed,
‘I wish you were human sometimes’.
Half of that had been sparked by how you wanted to curl his eyelashes, paint each other’s nails, hold hands while walking through the rain, take a picture of him, put headphones on him because he deserved a good listen of music, something you and he really loved. The other half was out of selfishness. You wanted him to be as real as an anchor to a ship. Sometimes it didn’t feel like enough just to look at him and talk to him. That guilt still sunk its claws into you every now and then.
Now, it seems like a ghost of a memory this time ago. The two of you stay still, standing far away from each other like two strangers, and you’re already halfway grieving in your mind.
“What I’m trying to say is that I know I should have told you sooner. It’s against the rules for us to tell our humans so soon in advance. I just didn’t want our time to end so soon. Leaving has always inevitable, and I think you knew that, too.” Your arms are crossed, you’re turned away from him, still glaring at the ground and the tears pooling only inundate more and more.
“I did know, Beomgyu. You’re the longest anyone’s ever stayed, and you probably will be the last. I’m just… hurt because you know they always leave. And I’m…” you inhale sharply, hands fisting the hems of your sleeves. He doesn’t miss the shiny stray tear that darkens your sweater in fine dots, wishing he could catch them for you and hold you. All he’s ever wanted.
You’re afraid. It’s been your biggest fear all along, and here it is, all unfolding.
He tries another step towards you and you turn away even more, the line of your mouth dipping further. The seam of your lips tremble in effort to bind the sob building at the back of your throat.
“I didn’t want our final moments to be spent fighting… and you can’t even look at me now…” he breathes out, exhaling and turning away to face the window now. You see this much through the blurry film of tears. There’s little to no information on how beings like him are, but you know, more than anything, that Beomgyu is different. He’s special. He feels so real and lives like blood and flesh does, even if all he is is an apparition with a voice and a mind that is like home to you. It isn’t fair. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
You hiccup a little cry at that, earning his gaze, and you wish you could run into his arms. A warm hug, that’s what he is to you, and even now, as time is against you both, it seems to mock you that you can’t embrace him.
“No, don’t be. I’m being childish,” wiping your tears with abandon, using rough hands, you close the gap between you, and if Beomgyu had a real beating heart, he feels as though it’d settle just by your proximity and seeing a smile, albeit the circumstances, blossom on your face. To him, you’re a sight for sore eyes. There’s something inside of him that’s blooming thorns at the fact that he won’t be able to experience you any more. He’s never experienced such a thing before… as emotions? Autonomy? Feelings? Heavier but denser. Smooth but textured so finely as if this thing has lived a thousand lifetimes. “As much as I wanna pretend this isn’t happening, I need to know how much time left we really do have.”
He swallows down a lump at that, not dropping his eye contact with you.
“When the clock strikes midnight and the new day begins, my mission will be complete and I’ll be obsolete.” He drones like it’s a Sunday hymn, but in it, a sad edge to his words, and you nod understanding just how grave and just how late he waited to tell you. Oh, he’s bad. This is bad. You say just as much.
The day is almost over. No time to even wait ’til the morning to relive another blissful day that would only because of Beomgyu. While you no longer mistakably relied on him for joy, you still knew you’d grieve until the end of time once he vanished. No time to navigate the end of the two of you as you know it.
“What’s gonna happen to you?” It’s a question that has Beomgyu blinking in shock. He didn’t expect that. “Do you just move onto the next person?” He doesn’t say anything, small smile that’s wry in the midst of it all as he watches you fondly. You seem to break a little more at his silence.
“I don’t know. I don’t see anything else or another person beyond this moment. All I see is you,” he confesses. You’re rubbing your palms against your sweats, shuddering breaths escaping you when he says this, briefly pausing at the process of his words. “If this is it for me, that’s okay, too. I’m not afraid to disappear. I’m not afraid for you either because I’ve done my best to make sure you’ll be okay. There’s probably a better reason for me to have to leave now, even if it’s something we could never want in eternity, but I know for fact that you will be alright. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
A little hiccup of a cry comes out in response to that and he lifts a hand to cup your face but only he doesn’t. He doesn’t touch you but it doesn’t mean you can’t feel it; you feel it in your heart. If he could feel you, his touch would be warm, clammy but in a good way and icy cold when he needs to be. You close your eyes, squeezing a beautiful ink of an alternate reality where you could really be together, where you and he were more than this, and a part of you almost feels like you can really feel him.
“I mean it,” he emphasizes and you nod along.
“I know.”
“Then, you must know this, too — ”
Beyond touch, a soft flowery yet lavender-y scent, something along the lines of morning dew, meets your senses, a warmth works its way across your cheek, and there’s a distant palpitating of a heartbeat on the finger tips that have been conjured up.
You draw a shuddering breath.
It can’t be…
It’s the bated breath that falls against your nose that makes you look up and though he hasn’t moved, it’s like he’s grown closer to you, dark bangs falling over his eyebrows, the shimmer of his eyes far realer and glimmering than you’d seen all this time, the tickle of breaths from his little laugh. His other hand comes up and you welcome his completed touch, especially the gesture of his fingers curling so gently round your fringe, wading slowly from your scalp down to your jaw.
“I love you.”
He grins as he says it, surrounding you with his radiance. It’s overwhelming, the whole ordeal, but to feel him and to hear such a confession, both of which you’ve been dying for, as if he isn’t the one to be leaving you.
“I’m not dreaming, am I?” You reply, tone confused, and when he reaches down to kiss your forehead, your eyelids give, twin streams running down your cheeks, one of them right into his fingers.
“Beomgyu,” you gulp, fingers hesitantly reaching to grasp into the fabric of his shirt around his waist. Every inch of him is warm. His eyes are so deeply gazing into you. He nods. “I love you.”
Relief hangs precariously in the air as you exchange these small laughs but it all soon grows quiet. No words are exchanged for some time, just for a moment, and there’s a look he gives you that settles your curiosity, This never happens, but for you, it did. Doesn’t make you feel particularly any better about the circumstances, but at least you get this. The pad of his thumb rubs softly against your skin, pinky curling on the column of your neck. He feels your pulse and commits the memory of your beating heart down like tendrils reaching into the deepest parts of his ancient soul. Pools grow in Beomgyu’s eyes with every fleeting second. You wish you could throw an anchor over the boat of this moment, anything to hold it down for even just a little longer than you were given.
In between sniffles, you say it over and over again, “I love you,” bringing your forehead against his, even if he must bend towards you. The two of you smiling wistfully through it all. He mirrors you. You step on his feet to get a little closer, clumsily, might you add, but it works, Beomgyu’s hand falling down to hold the small of your back. Your hand fists into his clothes. There’s only seconds left, your heart flutters in your chest, confirming it for you.
He reaches down to press a kiss to your cheek, a little gasp behind it, your hands clutch onto his back, arms around his waist.
“I’ll see you again.” You declare, as if fate can bow to your words, and in return, he smiles, breaths mingling.
“Ditto.” Beomgyu murmurs and he embraces you so tightly that it aches, deep in your bones.
You squeeze your eyes closed at the sensation, in a blink, opening them only to see nothing before you now, soreness dissipating your body like his final footprint on your soul. It hits you all at once.
Angels don’t last forever. At least not in your life.
Crickets continue their symphonies from outside your home while you stand in complete silence. It’s over. You know what you want to do. Scream. Start a fire. Scream some more. Cry. Scream again until you lose your voice among every other thing that seems too much for you, who has lost what feels like everything.
But, you know that even in his absence, even if the whole time this sweet dream was nothing more than your imagination, you will be okay in the end. It seems laughable to think of the so-called ‘grand scheme of things’, but you know that life is just segments of pain. You were loved, and you still standing here is proof of that; not just because of him, but you’ve brought yourself this far and even if you have nobody, you have yourself.
You will treat yourself with the kindness and love that Beomgyu taught you, and that you now promise yourself.
After your grieving period, which lasts an entire weekend, you return to work and your internship, back to the hum drum of your daily life, where you are welcomed by your newly made friends, who convey how much they missed you through every nuance of their own love languages, and it means a lot, though it is still so minute in the face of grief. Soobin, Taehyun, Kai, and Yeonjun. They tell you that they wish to introduce you to their friends and family. The gaping hole in your chest reduces by a fraction with their care, even if it’s your first day back.
The edges of your wound are cauterized and stitches fixed when they tell you about an incoming transfer to your workplace. Someone by the name of Beomgyu. It is simply funny coincidence, you decide, accepting your grief and the scar from it.
That is until you see who walks in the very next day and recognize him all too well. You were definitely right.
˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ ˚ . ★⋆. ࿐࿔
. ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ .˚ ✦ . . ˚ . ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦
ending note: i wanted this to pan out wayyyyy differently (this is soooo bad but i felt like it was going bad like milk the more i spent working on it) ugh like a dramatic argument that just kept going and once the ‘mission’ is done, for mc to become painfully regretful and to emphasize a moment of stillness (feeling like the world is ending) and for bg to reappear and to settle the tide of grief :) but nope this is the ending my hands went with :/ blame them not me ! aaaa saya my. love sorry i waited so long to finish this, really feel like your idea was perfect without my writing lol, had a hard time building off from it bc ur so big brained and this idea is perfect. i love you very much and i hope while you never change that you dont feel so alone :( i know its hard but you’re strong and im always here for you <3
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A breakdown of an analysis of female portrayal in media
Originally the entire post was going to be a takedown of the post, but to iamafanofcartoon's credit, a lot of the points they make are valid. However, given their bias towards RWBY, some double standards come up ironically as they bring up double standards.
"A lot of people are incapable of viewing female characters as anything other than an innocent saint or a portrait of pure evil.
Arguably the best characters are morally ambiguous ones who live in the gray area between good and evil, but women are much less often afforded that distinction than their male counterparts."
This is the biggest piece of irony ever when you remember how they treat Ironwood, someone who has moral ambiguity (at least in Volume 7) or even how they regard Ruby lying to Ironwood as something that isn't something morally ambiguous, but rather 100% guaranteed the right thing to do.
"I’m been having a huge problem connecting to media.
The only women around are very young or very old and their main defining feature is usually motherhood."
They say as the protagonists of RWBY are women who are very young.
"A lot of the time if there is a military high ranking female character or just female leader that is masculine or butch she will be the villain to be defeated by the traditionally feminine or at least more feminine heroine/love interest of the hero."
Oh, military being evil is just a trope in of itself. You should be familiar with it because you like to bring up a certain someone who fits that trope to a T over and over:
Wonder why he gets shit.
I'm going to pause and heavily commend I Am A Fan for bringing up the overuse of the term Mary Sue and how it's now used as a phrase to shut down any female protagonist who just happens to be just a little too much in the screen time, especially given its ironic origin being that it was to parody the "I get into Starfleet, befriend literally everyone, and then tragically die" trope that cropped up in several Star Trek zines.
There's a lot of debate with Rey and the sequels, but we'll leave that for another day. All I will say though is that holy shit, the defense for Rey here is top notch, especially that part where they compare Rey's handling of weapons to Luke's handling of weapons.
A lot of the post starting from when they criticize the overuse of Mary Sue is actually a really solid read and I recommend you giving it a look, even if you don't agree with what they say.
That said, it comes crashing down over to here:
"You heard of The Bechdel test: Two women have to talk about something other than a man. There is no time window."
Ignoring the fact that the Bachdel test isn't meant to be taken seriously (something that the linked page literally points out), RWBY failed this test numerous times.
Ruby: (putting the pamphlet away) Yeah! Great idea, sis! (holding out her hand as she clears her throat) Hello, Weiss! I'm Ruby! Wanna hang out? We can go shopping for school supplies!
Weiss: (seemingly enthusiastic) Yeah! And we can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys, like tall, blond, and scraggly over there!
That's just the straight up example. "But Psyga, she was being sarcastic!". Okay. Well, the condition is that they have to be talking about a man and not specifically someone they're dating, so pick your poison with these two Bumblebee exchanges. One has them talking about two men!!!
Blake: I had someone very dear to me change. [...] you're not him. And you've never done anything like this before. So... I want to trust you. I will trust you. But first, I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that he attacked you. I need you to promise me that you regret having to do what you did.
Yang: (wipes her eyes of tears, then says as calmly as possible) I saw him attack me, so I attacked back.
Yang: Do you… (loud exhale) Do you think we should've told Ironwood about Salem, before he put so much on the line for Amity?
Blake: Sounds like you do.
Yang: (sighs) I trust Ruby, but I think he deserves to know what he's stepping into. We all did.
But you wanna know the most batshit insane part? Stretch the definition, and you can have RWBY fail this test first try.
Glynda: I hope that you realize that your actions tonight will not be taken lightly, young lady. You put yourself and others in great danger.
Ruby: [Roman and his gang] started it!
Glynda: If it were up to me, you'd be sent home... With a pat on the back... (she notices Ruby's smile) ...And a slap on the wrist. (she demonstrates with her riding crop, which Ruby barely avoids as she gives out an "Eeek!) But... [Ozpin] would like to meet you.
Like, I would bring up that Rick and Morty pointed out how it's not meant to be taken seriously, but then I remembered it's called Rick and Morty and not Rikki and Morticia, so it might not even be in I Am A Fan's radar.
"Go watch RWBY or Legend of Korra. Both involve a deconstruction of tropes. Both involve women standing up against an authority that demands respect based on being authority, not based on respect.
Both shut down the white male savior trope so hard, that men and women who love the patriarchy despise both shows."
What they don't tell you is that the "standing up against authority" bit in RWBY only lasts for two Volumes and it ends up making the main character's deep-rooted depression outright suicidal because their actions in doing so had lasting consequences to their psyche. Not to mention that up until Volume 6, they had been following the instructions of authority.
A straight white male one at that who in Volume 4 went into the body of a person of color and has to possess him in order to continue giving instructions. And that's when the girls start to question his authority and even yell at him. If that's not fucking yikes, I don't know what is.
Korra's standing against authority is more "let the bad guys depose the authority and then we'll clean up the mess" but that's neither here nor there.
Also, I don't think adding a fe in front of male counts as shutting down the white male savior trope.
But of course, anything that Team RWBY or Korra does is immediately held to a double standard and ripped into for anything that they do NOT because they’re flawed or because of writing decisions. Its because they’re LGBT women that they’re held under a microscope.
No, it's because people explored the long-standing consequences of their actions and what it means for upending society as a whole. I haven't been in the Legend of Korra discourse but I definitely know the discourse of RWBY to know that them being LGBT has nothing to do with them getting criticized.
In fact, two of the four girls aren't even LGBT in the first place and the other two are B but you keep denying that and call them L.
Or have you noticed that every fixit fanfic for both series involves defending the Patriarchy while supporting toxic masculinity and trying to revive the White Male Savior trope that both shows have tried so hard to bury six feet under?
Have you noticed that RWBY involves four girls defending the patriarchy while supporting toxic masculinity and trying to revive the White Male Savior trope that it ironically tried to bury six feet under?
Because after Volume 3, the plot is about them going from Kingdom to Kingdom and protecting the Academies, which the last King of Vale had essentially turned into castles to house powerful relics.
When all four of these relics are gathered, they summon two brothers who will pass judgement onto mankind and are seen as, so far, one of the only ways to truly deal with the true threat of Salem, i.e. they are the white male saviors.
Despite being even more trigger happy and axe crazy than Volume 8!Ironwood.
And just to show just how much of a tangent I Am A Fan's post is... That's the very last paragraph. Do you see why I call them FNDM-GPT?
EDIT: This motherfucker reposted this from March! https://iamafanofcartoons.tumblr.com/post/711784852348878848/we-need-to-address-how-media-and-media-critics
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ive got an sp/yjh saul/david paper sitting in my drafts id love to have finished in theory but i also dont have it in me to read through 1 samuel a sixth time so im just gonna drop the cleanest parts as is
ON THE VOYEURISM OF THE DIVINE
One of the keys to understanding Yoo Joonghyuk’s character is, simply put, the fact that he is a character. Yoo Joonghyuk (and by extension all iterations of him) is the ultimate unwitting exhibitionist—his entire life is not only on permanent display to the varying Constellations and reader(s) of both the in-text WOS and the metatextual ORV, it was created for such. While writing WOS, Han Sooyoung even goes so far as to say that “t(T)he life of 1863rd turn Yoo Joonghyuk was given to her in its entirety,” effectively establishing that his very existence is tethered to her desire to see him exist (Sing-shong 534). In the most literal of senses, he was made to be observed. In the glimpses of the original WOS we see in ORV, every moment of his struggles is catalogued in excruciating detail, detail that we then see Kim Dokja memorize and internalize and store for later use. As early as the starting chapters of the first volume, Kim Dokja uses his memories of Yoo Joonghyuk doing something as mundane as cooking in such precise detail that those around him immediately grow suspicious of the clarity of knowledge he seems to carry regarding their circumstances (Sing-shong 20). And even beyond the context of his origins, this idea of Yoo Joonghyuk’s creation for the purpose of observation carries over into the events of ORV as well. Kim Dokja already knows a frankly invasive amount about his Yoo Joonghyuk from the WOS readings, which is then compounded by his use of the Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint stage 2 skill, a skill that lets him literally read Yoo Joonghyuk’s mind (Sing-shong 11). Kim Dokja even describes the sensation of receiving Yoo Joonghyuk’s thoughts as “like a waterfall in my (his) head,” which implies the reception of not only surface thoughts but rather every thought going through Yoo Joonghyuk’s head (Sing-shong 11). It’s an egregious overstepping of boundaries that he regularly uses for over half the novel.
But—and note the use of “his” Yoo Joonghyuk earlier—this knowledge of Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t extend to every iteration of him. Kim Dokja only read WOS, so it would follow that the Yoo Joonghyuk he knows best is the Yoo Joonghyuk of WOS, or, in essence, a Yoo Joonghyuk who did not know Kim Dokja. A Yoo Joonghyuk who, as is revealed later in the novel, would then go on to become Secretive Plotter.
Secretive Plotter, therefore, as an extension of the Yoo Joonghyuk Kim Dokja knows best, is defined by his exposure. He is who he is because his life has been watched and recorded and analyzed and picked apart at all times, all the time—not just by Kim Dokja within the context of ORV, but even in the original WOS by the Constellations. He exists in this fixed state of victimization by a horde of voyeurs, and then even within ORV itself he still suffers from this constant observation. Although he remains a mysterious figure the readers (until his identity reveal at least) and Kim Dokja see obliquely for much of the narrative, he is far more obviously emotive than the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk. The most obvious example of his comparatively vocal emotional outbursts is the infamous “Why, why is it not me but you??” scene (Sing-shong 446). While the scene (and that line in particular) is often read as Secretive Plotter expressing his jealousy towards Yoo Joonghyuk over his connection with Kim Dokja, the real signifier of his vulnerability is in Kim Dokja’s narration describing him a few paragraphs earlier. Kim Dokja says Secretive Plotter’s “tone of voice was heavy with grief. I couldn’t even fathom the depths of resentment contained within his words.” (Sing-shong 446). Compared to the layers upon layers of misdirection present in Kim Dokja’s narration everywhere else in the novel, the stark clarity of the description—the precise naming of the emotion(s) in Secretive Plotter’s tone—is startlingly obvious. 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk sits on the opposite end of this (admittedly somewhat narrow) spectrum. In the Epilogues, after the events of the 1865th round and the retrieval of the Kim Dokja of that round, we see (through the third person narration of Yoo Sangah) Yoo Joonghyuk’s reaction to the problem with their freshly-retrieved Kim Dokja. This scene, in which Yoo Joonghyuk’s expression is described as “frozen pale-white…as if he had lost a protective wall of his mind, he seemed to be muttering something to himself…” and while this is certainly an evocative image being painted for the reader (especially when factoring in Yoo Sangah’s later allusion to his expression during Kim Dokja’s erasure from the Star Stream in the 73rd Demon Realm), we still have virtually no idea what he’s actually feeling or thinking in this moment (Sing-shong 540). Even at what is arguably one of his lowest moments, 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk’s emotions are hidden from the reader—we can extrapolate, we can deduce and surmise and conjecture the broad strokes of his thoughts in the moment, but we ultimately do not know. Secretive Plotter is palpably unobscured in comparison: he is pinned open and dissected like a bug in a petri dish even when he has the objective upper hand. All the power in the world means nothing for the Secretive Plotter because he is always, always at the mercy of those watching him use it.
However, the lack of exposure seen in the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk in the Epilogues could be explained away by it being under Yoo Sangah’s narration, not Kim Dokja’s. Yoo Sangah does not have anywhere near the history of obsession and observation with Yoo Joonghyuk’s life and thoughts that Kim Dokja has/had (regardless of her having read WOS while inside the Fourth Wall), so it would stand that of course her narration of Yoo Joonghyuk would lack the highly scrutinizing quality that the rest of the text of ORV seems to take. Now, initially, this is true. As said before, Kim Dokja possesses the Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint skill(s) and he uses them with reckless abandon all throughout ORV. So, while metatextually the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk is largely hidden from the reader’s view, in the actual text we see his thoughts on display with alarming frequency entirely due to Kim Dokja’s actions. What makes him different from Secretive Plotter in this instance, then? Secretive Plotter is exposed via ORV the novel and the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk is exposed via ORV the skill—the difference would only lie in medium here, so what truly separates the two? The answer lies in the battle(s) against Yoo Joonghyuk’s companions from the 999th round. Towards the end of the arc, during a lull in the fighting, 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk asks Kim Dokja to use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint stage 3 on him (in order to better integrate the story ‘Hell of Eternity’), but Kim Dokja is reluctant to do so. After some introspection (in which he realizes he’s been building his relationships off of his understanding of people from reading their minds), he tries to read Yoo Joonghyuk once more with ‘Hell of Eternity,’ but instead of basing his “reading” off of his memories of WOS or the assumptions he’s built around the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk from them Kim Dokja clears his mind and thinks of him as a stranger—as a person he does not know (Sing-shong 467). As soon as he does so, as soon as he respects Yoo Joonghyuk not as a powerful character in a story or as an integral fixture of his life, Yoo Joonghyuk ceases to be a character. When he chooses to respect Yoo Joonghyuk as a person, Yoo Joonghyuk is able to escape the voyeurism intrinsic to their initial relationship.
And this is the core of the divergence between Secretive Plotter and the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk: Secretive Plotter never experiences that release from two-dimensionality but Yoo Joonghyuk does. Secretive Plotter remains a figure used in the plot, by the plot, and for the plot (what is ‘Hell of Eternity’ itself if not the amalgamation of Secretive Plotter’s functionality in the narrative wrapped in a story-shaped bow), but after his christening as a fully fleshed person in the 999’s arc, the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk is able to finally grow beyond his origins and into a person with control over his life and story. Taking that moment (and the fact that Kim Dokja is, functionally, the capital-G God of the ORV/WOS world) it then evolves to mean that the 1864th Yoo Joonghyuk was saved from the emotional violence of his relationship with his god by the reciprocity of the relationship with that god. When their relationship developed to that of equals, his god was able to respect him as an individual.
Now. In the Saul and David narrative (limited to 1 Samuel), we see a remarkably similar dynamic play out. Saul, the first king of Israel, is something of a unique figure even within the actual text of the Bible. The historical sections of the book lend themselves to much obfuscation of detail, more often than not only informing the reader of the bare bones necessary to put together what happened and why it matters in defining how the reader should go about their relationship with God instead of spending time dwelling on characters for the sake of the development of the characters themselves. It is very rare that extraneous information regarding motivations or precise methods or even just an individual's thoughts are exposed to the reader. This is not the case with Saul. All throughout 1 Samuel, Saul’s thoughts are very, very openly exposed. Cohen's study of the book goes so far as to describe his mind as being studied "as if it is an exhibit in a display case." Rather than giving the reader only his direct quotes or physical reactions to things, the book tends to directly state his thoughts. When the people of Israel praise David for his contributions by downplaying Saul’s, the text does not describe him as brooding in silence or disdain, but rather reveals precisely what he is thinking to the audience—"They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands; and all he lacks is the kingdom!"
Going back to Secretive Plotter. Saul and Secretive Plotter were both powerful beings beloved by their gods and were both put under intense, invasive scrutiny by them in their narratives. Saul’s inner thoughts are constantly on display to the reader and Secretive Plotter’s entire life was transcribed for Kim Dokja to read. Even at the end of the novel Secretive Plotter’s “◾◾” is revealed to the reader while Yoo Joonghyuk’s is not. Saul and Secretive Plotter would then both go on to be replaced by another individual also chosen by god and also beloved by god, only changed by their respective gods' decision to reserve their scrutiny.
In comparison, David remains the paragon of obscurity. Like most other Biblical protagonists, David’s thoughts are rarely, if ever, seen by the reader. In the varying scenes in which Saul becomes increasingly more distressed and threatened by David's existence we continue to see the dissolution of Saul’s mental state and psyche but next to nothing on David’s part. From the moment of his selection by God in his father's home to the end of 1 Samuel and his coronation as king of Israel, David's thoughts remain wholly inscrutable to the reader unless he decides to vocalize them. All expressions of David are instigated by him and for him—the reader does not see his mind unless he wants the reader to see it.
It is clear, then, that in the Saul and David dynamic, the key difference between them is the depth and, like Secretive Plotter and Yoo Joonghyuk, the reciprocity of their relationships with their gods. Saul often blunders and mistranslates the will of God, being regularly rebuked by Samuel (a prophet of God) for his mistakes and being very, very rarely (if at all) praised for any successes resulting from his efforts. Saul clearly desires a connection with God—he seeks out Samuel for counsel often and even reneges on one of his own laws by hiring a medium to commune with him after his death—but that connection is never reciprocated. God openly states that he is choosing to turn away from Saul and that he regrets having chosen him as king. Secretive Plotter attempts to form a Sponsorship Contract with Kim Dokja in the first 5 chapters of ORV and even after his refusal continues to follow his progress throughout the scenarios. He brings Kim Dokja to the 1863rd round and attempts to force him to see his perspective and even kidnaps him and brings him into the NGai Forest—culminating again in the “Why, why is it him and not me?" scene, but Kim Dokja never returns his attempts at any level of depth and is actually quite disturbed and frightened by them.
With David and Yoo Joonghyuk, their relationships with their gods are much more intense and most importantly, mutual. David is often described with the epithet "a man after God's own heart" and despite his frequent missteps outside the bounds of the will of God, remains in God’s favor. He desires connection with God, as seen in the many psalms he wrote and his frequent counsel with various prophets, and he very clearly receives it. Yoo Joonghyuk desires connection with Kim Dokja, which is the reason the whole WOS reveal guts him as badly as it does. He extends his hand out to Kim Dokja frequently, and although it may take Kim Dokja time to recognize it for what it is, he does come to accept it and reciprocates his affections.
It goes to show then, that the key missing with Saul and Secretive Plotter that their successors possess is not in skill, is not in power or in physical trait, but rather in that their gods were able to view them as individuals and respect them enough to not pick them apart for answers and instead just ask the questions themselves.
#there were originally like 4 sections to this paper#if i ever find it in me to clean those up too ill drop em as additions to this post but otherwise thats it from here babes#orv meta#omniscient reader#omniscient readers viewpoint#orv#yjh#yoo joonghyuk#kdj#kim dokja#secretive plotter#orv spoilers#omniscient reader spoilers#orv epilogue spoilers#bard writes
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Tashigi is little, cute "katana maniaka" who is hated by a community for no reason
Well, in most of a time when I started read One Piece, I didn´t care of OP Community. With my own pace I read manga chapter by chapter and successfully avoided most of the spoilers before I reached ongoing (and dropped it now I don´t care so much about spoilers and start read manga again in that point where I stopped five years ago - and Wano is done :D )
To the point, I was horrified how many people hate Tashigi so much. She always was one of my favourite characters and I ship her with Zoro.
Ok, in two cases I am able to understand why she is not popular character:
1, ZoRobin shippers- understand to their feelings, they root for their favourite couple and I feel their "pain". Still get it, it´s part of the fandom to prefer one ship to another one.
2, she is weaker fighter than the others- ok, I have some arguments (I will explain later), but I get it. Some fans have to compare everyone with everyone who holds a sword and yeah, Tashi-chan is really weaker than Zoro or Mihawk.
What I don´t get it, why people hate her so much. Be honest, it seems to me that hating Tashigi is an act of misogyny. I'm not exaggerating. Tashigi is a perfect sample how it´s hard to be significant female figure in two almost 100% male domains. In OP universe there is not so much swordswomen and there is not so much higher ranked marines.
In many stories there is a narrative if we see female characters among the men and she is "the best however she is a woman" and in many stories it´s explain like "be woman is something worse, but she is great"). Personally, I don´t prefer this type of narrative and gladly Tashigi is not that case.
Assuming for "for non-existent misogyny"
Ppl critisize her for assuming Zoro for nothing. However we knows that his reason why he didn´t want to fight with her it´s kinda different than she thought. But be honest, women don´t assume the men for misogyny without reason. Who knows Tashigi´s experience with discrimination because she is female? Marine´s bases are not space of understanding and tolerence overrun by unicorns. Most of her superiors are men and also most of her subordinates are men.
From my own experience I know some women who are in leadership positions and every single of them has experience that they struggled with some dump male subordinate who didn´t respect them because "they are just women".
She had to make many times more efforts because of her gendre so that the people around her began to respect her. To become a petty officesand later a captain. And maybe when she fought with the pirates, she was used to that they insulted and underestimated her. We don´t know. Probably, she just expected the same interection from Zoro.
Tashigi is "crybaby"
The others critisize her for her "overeacting" and that she´s weak and crybaby. It´s typical insult for women. Crying is human biological process through which, for example, sadness or frustration is expressed (for all of a people).
And I seriously debt when Zoro has his defeated moment with Mihawk and cried and screamed, nobody said "oh, he is too weak, emotional crybaby". No, he is so cool, cause he is able to express human emotions and for female audince he´s more se*ier than before. For girls crying is "shame and typical female reaction", for boys it is "a courageous act in which they show their humanity".
Tashigi also show her humanity. In Logue Town, in Alabasta, also in Punk Hazard Arc. She felt frustrated, helpless, betrayed by her own perception of justice. That´s the reason why she cried.
Tashigi is weak
Tashigi is different type of swords(wo)man. If we could look at it that way, there is a group of swordsmen -swordsmen´s comunity whose "members" are divided between pirates, marines and the other groups in OP Universe. Like in almost every pirate crew there is one member who is familiar with some type of swords. These swordsmen and swordswomen are belong to different crews, everyone has different mindset, different goals in their lifes, different personality. And Tashigi is also different than the others.
Most of the swordsmen wants to be better and better fighters, want to reach their names into the heavens (ehm,ehm) and be more and more skilled in fight how it would be possible. And for most of them see swords just as tool for reaching their dreams. Tashigi is focusing on these "tools". She is sword geek with high sense of justice, sometimes out of the reality. She wants better world where all of the famous swords are in hands of good people and serve to good of mankind.
I don´t get the fans who still compare every single character with Mihawk or Zoro. They throw away Tashigi over the board just because she is weaker than Zoro. Ehm, Idk but it´s the point of the story. Zoro made a promise to become the greatest swordsman in the world and his goal is defeat Mihawk. We saw him in every chapter/episode how he´s becoming stronger and strogner and slowly reaching his name into the heaven. We don´t see Tashigi every single day (or decade) but she is in different position. She is not pirate in the crew somewhere middle of Grand Line and she doesn´t have to face to great dangers every single day. She is captain, most of the time probably she spends in headquarters or on the marine ship where she plans and gives orders to the marines. Of course, she is also in action but with reference to the above it is as it is. And she is not bad.
She is just annoying. Poor Zoro.
For Zoro Tashigi is one of the few people in the universe who:
- is not Zoro´s enemy however she is not member of Strawhats crew
-and she is swordswoman and she is not rival at the same time
- he avoids her in fight by his own decision (in most of cases, he just follows Luffy decision to unite with the others), but Tashigi is not little child or unarmed citizen.
Kuina who is gone is big issue of Zoro´s mind and Tashigi´s appearence doesn´t make it easier but in Punk Hazard arc is significant, that Zoro already moved from the statement "Tashigi makes troubles because she is similar to Kuina" to "Tashigi makes troubles". If we miss the interactions between Zoro and female crew members, there are not many female characters with whom Zoro would interact as much as Tashigi.
And, you can think that Tashigi sucks but Zoro chose to be in her company voluntarily (depends of the situation where they are stuck together). He could decide for different ways how to interact with her, but in half of the shared moments he is kind to her. In Logue town he listen her chattering about the swords like no anyone else (and it was useful), he was willing to help her, when she was attacked by two pirates in Logue Town and he handed her a glasses when she fell while the others laughed at her. In Punk Hazard, he could left her because she is Marine after all, but he didn´t. Their talks are also awkard. Of course, it doesn´t mean that they will end up together as husband and wife with bunch of children but it was Zoro´s decision to let Tashigi into his life (somehow).
According to me, Zoro sees Tashigi as someone who is brave, kind, protective to those in need with strong sense of justice and great geek into a swords in the cutest way as it is possible. It´s probably hard to talk with her, because she stubborn but he never underestimated her as a swordwoman, but he knows that she has different limits than him and that´s the reason why he is ready protects her when it is needed.
#one piece#tashigi one piece#tashigi#zoro#robin one piece#whats wrong with fandom#zotash#zoro x tashigi
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Analysis/Call-Out of the Spider Society
The whole situation with everyone chasing Miles is astounding to me because most of these guys didn't even question why Miguel was telling them this. It also stuck out to me that the Spiders that learned about canon events seemed okay with finding out that some deaths were supposed to happen which lead me to think about it more critically.
No one can tell me that the vast majority of Spiders don't have a guilt complex a mile high. They also tend to feel like they are outcasts or some other form of isolation from family and friends due their secret identities. They all have gone through thoughts of "it's my fault bc I didn't use my power/I failed/I'm Spider-(wo)man, etc"' and "I can't tell anyone about being Spider-(wo)man bc they wouldn't understand/it would endanger them/it would endanger me". All the Spiders want the same things Miles did in the movie: To be able to talk to someone who gets it. Who understands the guilt, the powers, and the struggle of a double life. The only difference is that these guys are able to get it and Miguel was the one to give it to them.
Their loyalty to Miguel mostly comes from the precieved solution he offers. Not only does he have the power to give them access to a multiversal base, to people who understand, but he also has an explanation that plays into a Spider's guilt complex: "Your Uncle Ben/Aunt May/Parents/Best Friend/Captain/etc were always meant to die. That's part of what made you Spider-(wo)man. There was nothing you could have done about it because it is something that needed to happen for the good of the multiverse and you are better for it." Which essentially boils down to "It's not your fault" something a large majority of these Spiders need to hear. Additionally, it's basically canon that every Spider is a huge nerd so the fact that there is some sort of scientific force outside their control that causes this may come as a comfort to some of them.
Then we also have to examine what Miguel has them doing in the Spider Society. His mission is to maintain the balance and stability of the multiverse, something that sounds like a mission any Spider can get behind when it's on paper. Then they also have to witness what happens when anomalies pop up in the wrong universes. Not only do the cause mass destruction and mayhem but the universe who are unable to get them under control fall into ruin. This helps build the mentality that all anomalies alre inherently bad and that Miguel's mission is objectively correct through experience and observation.
Moreover, I highly doubt that most of these Spiders even know who Miles is much less what the big deal about him is. They've probably been left out of the loop in regards to how Miguel is approaching him and the realities of his situation. They don't know because it's not their job to worry about these things. The Spider Society to them is a place where they can interact with peers and protect more people. They even acknowledge that their are certain deaths they can't prevent because of the laws of multiversal balance. They aren't doing a good thing by chasing down Miles but the don't really know any better.
Which brings me to the why. As I said before most of the Spiders don't know Miles' situation so here's what they do know. Miguel gave them a place to belong. Miguel has a noble cause and wants to help people and maintain stability of the multiverse. The anomalies they've been dealing with endanger the multiverse ergo, anomalies are bad. Miguel says this guy is an anomaly and danger to the multiverse and he wants us to stop him. Miguel hasn't given us a reason to to trust him so far. Furthermore, there is an underlying fear of "I don't want to lose the place/people who understand" that comes from a precieved threat to the multiverse that comes into play here. If you take in these facts it seems only logical that the Spiders would chase down Miles on Miguel's orders. And as for the Spiders who are in the loop, they've already decided to side with Miguel because they think he's right.
Now I've reached the call-out portion of the rant. It upsets me that none of the Spiders stop to think critically and examine what they are doing. This anomaly is another Spiderman, one that has no ill intent and is just a kid who looks terrified by what's going on. Nobody thought there was something fishy here? And why are they chasing him blindly too? It is incredibly easy of Miles to trick and lead them away from the base. None of them could stop for one minute to think of a better plan? Send one person to talk him down or maybe set a trap? Or even just try to understand where the guy is coming from and not chase him down.
Also the part of the portion where they just accept that some people can't be saved is off to me. Even if you can't save everyone doesn't mean you stop trying. That's the essence of what Spider-man, and honestly super heroes in general, stand for. To try and save everyone, no matter the odds, no matter how hopeless it seems. Even if some Spiders took comfort in the idea that it had to happen and it wasn't their fault doesn't mean they should lie down and let it happen. Miles' question is right "If you knew this before Uncle Ben died would you not try to save him still?" A supposedly destined fate isn't an excuse to stop fighting back and trying to save everyone. That's just it: why do you let the fear of consequences let you submit to fate when it is the essence of your character to fight and protect against the odds?
Yes it's valid that you have some fears but since when have you let them hold you back from helping people. Helping people is a call that the Spiders literally can't ignore so why would they let it happen. There is no way that every Spider-person should have just accepted it. They shouldn't have blindly taken part in a manhunt for a kid who didn't accept that he shouldn't try to save certain people. Nor should they have failed to think critically on better ways to approach the situation.
I sincerely hope that their will be more internal conflict in the Spider Society in the next movie. I want there to be people who are more critical of Miguel and those who are willing to fight back. There has to be a number of Spiders who get where Miles is coming from and are willing to support him. Here's to hoping this is elaborated on in the next movie.
#atsv#across the spiderverse#spider society#movie analysis#call out post#miles morales#miguel o'hara
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FIC REC WEEK 13 – MISSION FIC
AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: Shi_Toyu
Shi_Toyu's writing never fails to ratchet up the tension before it gives you that sweet, sweet relief of everything resolving itself. I love how they write action, especially with a focus on captivity, and their characterizations always feel really well-balanced.
Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:
Poisonous Presumption
Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony
Rating: T
Words: 5,349
Tags: Assassination Attempt, Hydra, Humor
Summary: This was the worst assignment Davies has ever been given.
Sure, it sounded easy upfront – infiltrate the Avengers medical staff and use his access to find weaknesses and sabotage medical treatments – however, it was proving to be anything but. Davies did have medical training and experience, which was part of why Hydra had picked him for this assignment, but the task itself was… complicated.
-- When Tony Stark winds up in Avengers medical, an undercover Hydra agent sees the opportunity of a lifetime. It should be easy to tip the balance and send Iron Man into the waiting jaws of death... so why won't he die?
Reasons why I love it:
The Avengers foiling HYDRA without even realizing that they're doing it, it's great. The whole concept of this fic is so funny, and I was completely caught off guard by the plot twist at the end. It's good stuff! Definitely check this one out!
Off Duty
Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony
Rating: T
Words: 2,667
Tags: Strippers, Undercover Missions, Secret Identity
Summary: Steve and Bucky go undercover as strippers to catch a human trafficker, only to meet someone they never would have expected.
-- Doing his best not to trip in spindly heels, Steve strode toward the pole in the middle of the stage. The worst part of having to parade around in nothing but a thong, he decided, was that he didn’t even get to keep the bills the clientele stuck inside.
Reasons why I love it:
I will never not love the 'undercover-as-a-stripper' trope. This fic is so much fun, plus the action is really great. Also, there's some fantastic art by araydre and FancyDragonQueen in this fic that you don't want to miss! Give this one a shot, it's amazing!
Too Close (Not Nearly Enough)
Pairing: Bucky/Tony
Rating: M
Words: 10,051
Tags: Captivity, Brainwashing, Sharing Body Heat
Summary: Several months after the events of Civil War, Tony is attacked and captured by an old enemy with a new face. As if things weren't bad enough, he's not exactly thrilled to find out who his cellmate is, either.
Reasons why I love it:
I love this fic so much. Tony and Bucky growing closer because they have a common enemy, only to end up actually liking each other is fantastic. I love how Bucky is protective of Tony from the very beginning, he's such a good guy. This fic is great, and I hope you check it out for yourself!
Hide Your Face, Hold My Heart
Pairing: Bucky/Tony
Rating: M
Words: 5,386
Tags: BAMF Bucky, Secret Identity, Torture
Summary: Bucky had learned early on that life had a way of going to shit on very short notice. As a kid, that had meant running around and goofing off with Stevie only for an asthma attack to come out of seemingly nowhere. During the war, it meant creeping through the wilderness or a town or a base only for bullets to start flying. One minute you could be fighting back to back with your best friend, the next you could be falling to the bottom of a snowy chasm. That was just life.
Reasons why I love it:
Identity porn, yuss!! I love how much they're both trying to keep the other safe, and of course the reveal at the end is really satisfying. This fic is fantastic, and I hope you give it a shot!
Out of Intent
Pairing: Bucky/Tony
Rating: T
Words: 4,036
Tags: Kidnapping, Winter Soldier Bucky, Angst with a Happy Ending
Summary: "Do less out of habit and more out of intent."
When the Avengers are captured by Hydra, Bucky must pretend that the Winter Soldier programing is still active. Unfortunately, that means bringing some of Tony's worst fears to life.
Reasons why I love it:
Aww, the last line is so sweet. It makes up for how painful the rest is, oofff, it hurts so good. I love the whole premise, and the writing just makes it all feel so tense and awful in the best possible way. This fic is amazing, and I highly encourage you to read it!
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@hprecfest Part 1/3: Days 1-10
Day 1: a favorite fic under 5k
An Unwanted Intrusion
by babygray (@babygray). Harry/Severus. Rated: G. Words: 2,320. Underage. Pre-slash. Implied child abuse.
After the Dementors visit Little Whinging, Severus Snape pays a visit on No. 4 Privet Drive. He interacts with the Dursleys, contemplates kissing Potter, and then leaves because he had other things to do, like not kiss Potter.
I have a great love of short fics, so I figured this would be hard to narrow down, but this was the first fic that came to mind, from an author I’ve long loved!
Day 2: a comfort fic
Lovers Reunited - Now with a special buff!
by khaleesisophie, silver_drip (@hereiamwithmyninjaclan, @silverdrip). Harry/Severus. Rated: T. Words: 10,061. Muggle AU.
MMORPGs are a fun way to pass the time and spend time with your friends- and hey, Harry might just find true love along the way.
This is the comfiest of comfort fics. It’s funny, self-indulgent, and just a plain good time. Whenever I’m having a bad day, it always lifts my spirit!
Day 3: a podfic
[Podfic] Contempt
by MrVillain (@mrviran) (narrator), danpuff (writer). Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Length: 2 hours 14 minutes. Angst. Enemies to lovers. Cheating.
Harry hates Snape, and he always will. (He will, won’t he?)
…okay maybe this is a little conceited seeing as it’s a podfic of my fic, but Viran did a great job with it and I’m still obsessed! 😍
[podfic] The Dreaming Spires
by JocundaSykes (narrator), DementorDelta (writer). Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Time: 3 hours 3 minutes.
Severus Snape gets on with his life after the war.
A second rec for this prompt, because I couldn’t not rec JocundaSykes! And while it was hard to narrow down, as Joc is the podfic QUEEN, I’m pretty sure this is my favorite! A story I love so much, so perfectly presented!
Day 4: a fic with art
Ghosts of Christmas
by PinaNaponi (@vulnerasanenturmyprince). Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: E. Words: 45,102. Fluff & smut. Postwar. Injury recovery. Hurt/comfort.
Prompt #53: Harry visits a recuperating Severus at Spinner’s End at Christmas and ends up learning quite a lot from Eileen, who has been taking care of him.
A story about recovery, ghosts of the past and forgiveness.
My sweet friend Nina wrote this fic, and it’s one of my favorites she’s done! She also drew art to accompany it, which is a fine reminder of how multi-talented she is! Also: I love that this fic features Eileen Snape! Gosh, it’s such a good one!
Day 5: a non-AO3 fic
Sunrises
by Julia the Younger. Rated: E. Words: 73,552. First time. Postwar. Romance.
Harry’s eighteen, he’s just destroyed Voldemort and saved the world and now he’s returning to Hogwarts, this time as the new Assistant Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Unfortunately he’s still not quite over the events of the summer and, stuck at Hogwarts without his friends, with a Professor who seems to resent Harry for breathing, a developing awareness of his horny eighteen year old sexuality and some rather disturbing nightmares, Harry’s not feeling the best.
WTP (walkingtheplank) has so many great Snarries on it! But I think this is one of 2 fics I visit most often there…so here’s this one, and the other...
Reconciling Lily’s Eyes
by persepolis130. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 52,175. Postwar. Snape lives. Dysfunctional relationship. Minor Harry/Ginny. Cheating.
Had Harry known “bonding” with his former professor would lead him to three different countries, a hastily-planned wedding and his pants around his ankles in Snape’s sitting room, he wouldn’t have quit his day job. Or…maybe he would've… What it’s like to fall in love with someone you absolutely cannot stand, who happens to still be in love with your mum.
It’s so good! Weird and funny and hot and also features a strangely romantic speech from Harry that I’m obsessed with. I need this fic to get more love so I can scream about it with people.
Day 6: an unreliable narrator fic
An Escape
by LilaDiurne (@liladiurne). Rated: E. Words: 2,718. Underage. Student/teacher. Muggle AU. Grooming. Extreme dub-con. Child abuse.
“You must understand that you’re putting me in a very difficult position,” Severus says softly.
“I know,” the boy mutters.
“And if anyone were to find out, I could lose my job.”
“Sir, please. I won’t tell anyone, I swear. I’ll do anything.”
Severus sighs heavily, reluctantly. But secretly his heart is thumping in anticipation. “Very well. Get on with it.”
There is a pause. A few shaky breaths again. Potter’s eyes dart up, look around the empty lot, either to ensure that there is no one around to see, or perhaps hoping for a way out, an escape. But there is no escape, Severus has made sure of it. He’s worked hard for nearly a year to make the boy understand that he is the only escape.
Dirtybadwrong and I LOVE IT. Chemistry Teacher Severus reveals his true colors bit by bit here, and it’s quite a ride for 2k words!
Dead Boys
by Evandar. Barty Jr (Moody)/Harry, Barty Jr/Regulus. Rated: M. Words: 1,072. Underage. Student/teacher. Consent issues.
Harry Potter reminds Barty too much of his old lover. He’s not a good enough man to be able to resist.
This is one of those stories that has burrowed itself deep in my brain. It’s so dark and dirty and fucked up and delicious.
Day 7: a canon-compliant fic
The Syntax of Things
by Arrisha (@arrisha-ao3). Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 200,436. Underage. Student/teacher. Tragedy. Fluff & angst. First time. Forbidden love. Character study.
A short-lived series of private lessons took place after Christmas in Harry Potter’s fifth school year, during which Severus Snape attempted to teach Harry the skill of Occlumency. The lessons were ultimately cancelled when Harry was caught prying into Snape’s memories, discovering the strangest things: A mysterious prophecy connected Harry’s fate with Voldemort’s, Harry’s dad was an insufferable bully, and Severus Snape had been in love with Harry’s mum. Naturally, Harry now has a million questions. Snape would prefer to answer none.
The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes. The same question arises in every soul: “For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed?”
…Or, a classic approach to stubbornness.
…canon compliant. We know how this ends. 🥺 But like all of Arrisha’s work, this is heart-wrenching and gorgeous and such a true and beautiful and tragic Snarry tale.
Day 8: a canon-divergent fic
Chrysalis
by starcrossedgirl. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 84,631. First time. Mental Health Issues. Hurt/comfort. Romance.
In which Harry is a tad messed up after the war, but Snape gives him a run for his money. Or: an epic tale of PTSD, recovery and gay porn! (For detailed warnings, please see author’s notes.)
Ah yes, the fic I can’t stop reading! (I’ve read it back to back on a few occasions). It’s truly such a great love story, with great characterization of messy and flawed people coming together and working together to be together.
Day 9: a rare pair fic
Intruder
by Delphi. Filch/Snape. Rated: E. Words: 4,341. Underage. Voyeurism. POV Outsider.
Peter Pettigrew breaks into Filch’s rooms to retrieve James’s confiscated Invisibility Cloak and ends up seeing something he shouldn’t.
Snilch is underrated, and Delphi’s Snilch is amazing! This is my favorite as I’m a sucker for voyeurism and this is BEYOND HOT.
The Claiming
by lq_traintracks (@lqtraintracks). Harry/Scorpius. Rated: E. Words: 904. Mild angst. Rough sex.
No summary given. No summary needed. Scarry is my guilty pleasure ship (me cheating on my beloved Snarry, oh no) and this Scarry in particular hits my sweet spot of angsty and steamy and short. Just a quick hit of the good stuff. It lives in my head and it’s one of those where I have spent too much time thinking about it, the events that must have come before, what might have come after, etc. LQT has so many great fics but this is one of my favorites. Top 5 for sure (right? There’s so many to choose from but c'mon this one is great.)
Day 10: a fest fic
Something to Say
by silvereye5 (@silvereye5). Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 29,714.
A strange curse leaves Harry as the only one able to understand Snape, but Harry has no desire to hear anything Snape has to say to him.
Written for Secret Snarry Swap 2021.
I love a fic that plays with Parseltongue, and I love how bitter Harry is here and a Harry who doesn’t do the “right thing” right away. He’s not Mr. Perfect or Mr. Goody-Goody, and I love him for it.
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to Okidogi : you can check out blueberry academy because its better than kitakami
Oki: "Now, now - I'm not gonna say that one's better than the other, as I like them both..."
Oki: "..but my opinion doesn't match the ones of others. While I like to battle the students, Wo-Chien doesn't. He prefers to explore and write things down when he sees them. I usually come with him to keep interruptions away when he does that. Ogerpon also likes to explore, mainly to see all the different Pokemon in the biomes. Golurk is her favorite right now, but that's not stopping her gathering more. Like Flygon. She really likes Flygon."
Oki: "Buuuut if we did have to choose, all three of us would choose Kitakami. We like it over Blueberry because it's really peaceful. When we return to Paldea later, we're gonna go back there to catch the end of the festival."
His attention is drawn to a mon coming up to him saying "Excuse me?"
Oki: "Hm?"
Spot: (the Malamar stumbles as she comes up to him, a little out of breath) "Sorry if I'm interrupting anything, b-but I heard you talking about Kitakami, a-and I wanna ask you about it..i-if you don't mind..! I've never left the Terarium, a-and I wanna get outta here one day and see the world...and hearing about Kitakami has made me really curious..!"
Oki: "How much do you want to know?"
Spot: (she counts on her fin, then looks at him) "Uh...e-everything..? I-if you don't mind..?"
Oki: (he thinks about where to start before talking) "So Kitakami is the home of both me and Ogerpon. It is a region to the north of Paldea, and even though it takes a long time to get there, it's worth it, for both the landscapes and the festivals." (he pauses) "Are you following alright?"
Spot: (she nods) "Yeah! T-tell me more, please! Don't worry - I have a really good memory! P-please continue!"
Oki continues to talk about Kitakami as the curious Malamar listens to every word he says.
Spot: "It all sounds so nice! I really wanna visit one day a-and see everything there! Thanks for telling me about it!"
Oki: "You're welcome! And I hope to see you exploring the mainland one day too!"
They begin to go their separate ways, but are stopped by the need to ask one more question.
Oki: "I never caught your name, did I?"
Spot: "N-neither did I! My name's Spot! A-and it was nice meeting you, mister..."
Oki: "Okidogi, but you may call me 'Oki'~ It was nice meeting a new face too!"
After another temporary farewell, they part ways once more, both being made pleased by their budding friendship.
--
Spot makes her debut!
She gets really excited when she meets new faces, especially if they're legendaries or mons from far away places.
But yeah - she's able to be asked stuff too!
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Stone Blind
Author: Natalie Haynes
First published: 2022
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
I am so, so sorry, but this one was a mess. The Gods ruin it, because they are, in fact, 21st century teenagers. The other thing that ruins it is a million points of view which chop the story up in a way that takes every exciting moment away, stretching it until you just do not care one bit. And Medusa? She is a minor character, to the point of being in the story for less than even half of it. Natalie Haynes can do better and has done better.
What Maisie Knew
Author: Henry James
First published: 1897
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Dear Lord... I think this was the most tedious and boring book I have read this year so far. If I was not listening to it on audio, I would have DNF-ed it halfway through. I was hoping for much, much more from a classic dealing with a child of a messy divorce and custody battle in times when divorce was still a dirty word. Sadly this is just a mix of awful people and a desperately naive kid in situations that are so repetitive I could have cried.
The Golden Enclaves
Author: Naomi Novik
First published: 2022
Rating: ★★★★☆
I cannot deny this whole series has issues, mainly it needed much, much more editing, and the info-dumps, so often taking a form of a stream of consciousness, can get tiring. And yet, this last book ties it together with a bow so well, I cannot help but applaud Naomi Novik for creating an original, interesting, and captivating version of the world. The finale left me positively breathless.
Elisabeth: portraits of an Empress
Author: Brigitte Hamann
First published: 1998
Rating: ★★★★★
A very nice, quite comprehensive gallery of official portraits, photographs and prints of the famous Empress, that would make a perfect companion to a full-blown biography. Perhaps the one by Brigitte Hamann herself.
The Seed Keeper
Author: Diane Wilson
First published: 2021
Rating: ★★★☆☆
Some parts of this book are extremely touching and well-written. Unfortunately, other parts bored me. I felt like the author needed to make the story tighter, and more focused. Much of what was happening seemed to only skim a surface of a situation, many of which could carry great importance within the story.
Off With Her Head: Three Thousand Years of Demonizing Women in Power
Author: Eleanor Herman
First published: 2022
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
(Wo)Maaan this was a MESS. I don´t even know where to start.There is really no logic in how the narrative is arranged. The history part is only about 25%, 10% talk about women in other places than US and the overwhelming majority of information is about Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris and Nanci Pelosi. Essentially, if you have even a tiny interest in US politics, there is nothing new or surprising (though of course, it can still make you angry). The only thing this book says is that there are awful double standards and women in power have always been treated much more harshly and cruelly than men - something we all know, cannot dispute and it could have been a Tumblr post. But frankly, Mary Beard said the same thing with fewer words and greater impact in her Women & Power: A Manifesto.I feel kinda bad about rating this book so low, considering the topic, but this was just too basic and not well put together.
Nightingales: The Extraordinary Upbringing and Curious Life of Miss Florence Nightingale
Author: Gillian Gill
First published: 2004
Rating: ★★★★☆
The amount of research done for this book and the included details that stem from it is simply astonishing. That can be seen as both an advantage and a disadvantage of the book, depending on what you want and how much of it you want. If you read this only to familiarize yourself with the remarkable Florence Nightingale, you will be probably swamped by the wealth of information about her extended family (and even some ancestors) and the almost tedious narration of her life before the Crimean mission. However, if you like family sagas, delving deep into Victorian daily life and attitudes, you will have your fill with this book. The title is indeed truthful to the content. One also must mention that even though dense, the book is very readable and easy to navigate (at least once you get over all those ancestors).
The Rules of Magic
Author: Alice Hoffman
First published: 2017
Rating: ★★★★★
Do you like
- magical realism?
- strong and believable family ties?
- romance?
- beautiful writing? Then pick up this book.
Triangle: The Fire That Changed America
Author: David von Drehle
First published: 2003
Rating: ★★★★☆
I had some problems following the opening chapters dealing with the hidden politics of New York in the early 1900s, and the frequent breaks in the narrative to introduce nearly everyone felt sometimes jarring, but all in all, this was a well-researched and sensitive tribute to those who lost their lives during this horrific event. It is also a loud call-out of greed and its favorite child, capitalism. What truly terrifies one is the fact, that things like this still happen and the underlying reasons are always the same.
The House is on Fire
Author: Rachel Beanland
First published: 2023
Rating: ★★★★☆
This is a solid piece of historical fiction that uses the same style that made books like Salt to the Sea and All the Light We Cannot See so very readable: short chapters that keep changing points of view. I liked the fact that the whole book is set during just three days, showing how quickly and unexpectedly lives can completely change. I was also glad to learn about this tragic event - the historian in me is always, always interested in learning.
The Corset
Author: Laura Purcell
First published: 2018
Rating: ★★★★★
Not gonna lie, this was pretty great! Sure, the story of Dorothea is not really as engaging as the story of Ruth, but Dorothea´s chapters provide a welcome breathing space from the suspense and horror of Ruth´s. The longer you read the more difficult the book is to put down. Excellent gothic novel.
Empty Theatre: or, The Lives of King Ludwig II of Bavaria and Empress Sisi of Austria (Queen of Hungary), Cousins, in Their Pursuit of Connection and Beauty...
Author: Jac Jemc
First published: 2023
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
I was stunned by how purposefully artless the writing was. I also believe a "satire" should be more than just being snarky about real historical people. The whole thing felt extremely pointless. Save your time for better books, all ya readers of historical fiction.
The Brontës: The Fantastically Feminist (and Totally True) Story of the Astonishing Authors
Author: Anna Doherty
First published: 2022
Rating: ★★★☆☆
Sweet and simple introduction to the magnificent Bronte sisters for little kids.
Little Fires Everywhere
Author: Ng Celeste
First published: 2017
Rating: ★★★☆☆
This is a very, very good book. It was, unfortunately, simply not for me, who gets easily bored by American middle-class drama. The most interesting parts dealt directly with the adoption case, which turned out to be a subplot rather than the main event.
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Watching The Mandalorian chapter 22, "Guns For Hire."
According to the Disney+ blurb, this is 46 minutes and the Mandalorian visits "an opulent world." So that actually is a reasonable length for an episode. The "opulent world" part makes me think of Canto Bight and how much I've wanted a heist episode somewhere flashy like a casino - "The Prisoner" was sort of a heist, but everyone was a jerk and I want a heist where Our Friends work together - Boba and Fennec and Din, and if the fates really smile upon me, Cobb too. And there would be disguises and snappy outfits and double-crosses (that were actually a ruse to gain an opponent's trust enemy-of-my-enemy style) and daring bluffs and reversals of fortune and it would be fast-paced and fun. I love the start of Return of the Jedi because it's a heist
although that heist does not turn out so well for ol' Boba.
Anyway let's see what this is all about (I bet not that).
like I suspect this episode is going to be more about Bo-Katan being the Main Character instead of getting her own TV show like an honest person
anyway, we're in space, space is the place, you can soak in a tank and have fishy snacks poured in from a goblet, Grogu would love this
these people get to have all their alien dialogue in subtitles but still no Mandalorians speak Mando'a
still can't really get over the fact that George Lucas while presumably not drunk decided to name a race of squidly people "Mon Calamari."
Axe Woves is managing to be quite charismatic in this scene but he still has a silly name - but then it's no sillier than Saw Guerrera. How many people in this saga are named after forestry or carpentry tools?
okay I am sincerely appreciating these characters in massive head and face covering make-up/CG elements emoting their way through heartfelt dialogue about fate and love
awwww she gave him little tentacle beard kissies!
okay, so Din and Grogu are just with Bo-Katan, nobody said that was the plan, but there they are following her around because she's the Main Character now.
and okay
she is A Mandalorian
but by jove she's not The Mandalorian!
and sure maybe just being a side character is all Din's ever wanted
but it's not what I want to be watching
Grogu thinks getting snagged in a tractor beam is fun!
extravagantly evil droid design, really fine work from the Empire there
"I've never been here before, have you?" "I haven't even heard of it," said Din, in a glorious return to form.
is that FUCKING Jack Black
"I hope you like secretions"
look if Jack Black asked me if I liked secretions I would pretty much have to say yes
his beard really is a thing of glory, I'm happy to have it on my screen
(am I actually going to somewhat enjoy this episode?)
and LIZZO
Jack Black pronounces programme "progrum"
I love how Lizzo just has this projected hologram stained glass window dealie following her around
incidentally it doesn't matter if these characters are given names, this is such flagrant and blatant stunt casting that they are obviously just Jack Black and Lizzo.
oh his name is supposedly "Captain Bombardier"? that's not even a name, that's two job titles
put a bit of effort in
call him Glup Shitto
consort of Glup Lizzo
the subtitles call her "The Dutchess." With a T.
GROGU IS PURRING
GROGU IS DOING LITTLE GRUNTY PURRS
fucking - DOC BROWN
what are they DOING
it's this thing where each time I settle into thinking "Hey, this is starting to feel like a real, proper episode of The Mandalorian where they go to a place and there's a mess and they get roped into sorting it out," I get violently yoinked out of the anticipation of enjoyment by another guest star who's SO famous and idiosyncratic that there's no way for them to inhabit a minor role without being obtrusive
oh it's a roger-roger!
and a slap-chop droid!
you've got an entire planet of people none of whom like to make things or fix things?
I mean, if they'd actually followed through on the IG-11 plotline, this episode about reliance on droids would be more interesting. And you know what? I bet these Ughnaughts would have one of those memory circuits you couldn't find on Nevarro or Tatooine. And we could all be listening to the voice of Taika Waititi.
okay, another good return to form - Din's contacts, cultural competency and language skills are essential to success
it's so nice just to get to see him do what he does so well!
incidentally did you guys just leave Grogu with Lizzo?
blatantly shifty Lizzo and her equally shifty husband Jack Black?
I mean sure she was skritching his little downy head and feeding him secretions when you were there but it's weirdly trusting of you
Din. Kindly stop kicking the droids - okay, you very much asked for that. Got your bell rung? What's that, your ninety-fourth concussion now?
it looks like the set design people certainly had a good time with this space shopping mall, and it was a fun day to be a costumed extra
honestly I'm rooting for the droid to escape, he was just doing his job and Din kept kicking him in the dang leg!
like, are droids people? who hang out together in bars? did you just murder a blue-collar worker who ran away from you because you were attacking him unprovoked?
they keep the droid's "remains" in a morgue drawer and draw what looks like blood from it
oh, so she actually gave him the Darksaber back?
(some time later, I wasn't moved to give commentary but that's slightly a good thing because I wasn't INFURIATED)
Grogu has found his true niche: helping Lizzo cheat at games (I told you she was shifty)
exile to the moon is NOT A GOOD IDEA have you watched neither The Clone Wars nor My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?
Okay, I have enjoyed this episode at least 80% more than any other episode this season, and seeing that it was directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, who is amazing at this show, I understand why. I still don't think it was very well written and it suffered from some of the failures of joined-up thinking that have beset this season, but Bryce Dallas Howard can smash out an episode of The Mandalorian and no two ways about it
to quote me at the start of my post:
like I suspect this episode is going to be more about Bo-Katan being the Main Character instead of getting her own TV show like an honest person
yep
#the mandalorian#the mandalorian spoilers#spoilers#SURPRISINGLY THIS POST IS NOT JUST ME BEING FURIOUS
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♡ 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧 (𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐨𝟑) 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡
1. praise you like i should
rating: E / word count: 2k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: John discovers that Dean has a praise kink.
Tags: established relationship, stanford era, praise kink, daddy kink, bottom dean, top john, aftercare
2. burnin’ for you
rating: M / word count: 1k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: Dean wants John to burn him with a cigarette while they’re in bed.
Tags: established relationship, stanford era, pain kink, pillow talk
3. hold me just like the morning paper
rating: E / word count: 6k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: Dean falls into a depression after Sam leaves. John finds a way to help him and it goes farther than he expects it to.
Tags: stanford era, case fic, getting together, first time, touch-starved, cuddling, oral sex, developing relationship, mutual pining, sharing a bed, huddling for warmth
4. choking on flowers
rating: E / word count: 7.5k / chapters: 2/2
Summary: John decides that Dean and him deserve a bit of a break from hunting after getting together. He reserves them 3 nights at a honeymoon motel.
Tags: established relationship, stanford era, marathon sex, pillow talk, choking, daddy kink, spanking, rimming, aftercare, breathplay, top john, bottom dean
5. in framing
rating: T / word count: 4.9k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: Dean's an adult now and thinks he can get away with sneaking out for a night. He's wrong.
Tags: child abuse, child neglect, physical abuse, pre-canon, pre-relationship, alcohol abuse, unresolved sexual tension, unhealthy coping mechanisms, character study
6. his
rating: E / word count: 4.6k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: “You grow up hearing the phrase daddy’s girl lobbied in your direction. Daddy’s, that part you can agree with. Yes, I’m his, you think to yourself. That part feels true.
Girl, that part not so much.”
Tags: pre-canon, trans male dean, transitioning, domestic, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, getting together, first kiss, first time, dead dove: do not eat, hurt/comfort, bittersweet ending, character study
7. made your bed, now lie in it
rating: M / word count: 3k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: John comes home from a hunt to find Dean sleeping in his bed. He can't help but join him.
Tags: pre-canon, mutual pining, sharing a bed, first kiss, hurt/comfort, tenderness, pillow talk, pre-relationship
8. catch you
rating: E / word count: 5k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: "He swallows hard before he says, “I want you to fuck me. Would you wanna do that?”
His heart is beating so hard he hardly hears himself over the sound as he replies, “Yeah, yes. Can I right now?” There’s the sound of his blood rushing in his ears, his mouth is dry in anticipation. It’s not a desire that he’s had before, not even a thought spared for it, but now he can’t think of anything he wants more. He visualizes his father laying out, ready for him, and he’s hard already."
Tags: established relationship, stanford era, bottom john, top dean, praise kink, cock worship, face-fucking, hair pulling, rimming, comeplay, tenderness, daddy kink
9. where the evening splits in half
rating: E / word count: 4.9k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: “Sam says, "I know how you felt about the man."
No, he doesn’t.
He doesn’t know that Dad was a pig. He has no idea how far down Dean was in the mud with him. How dirty they both were, how much Dad ruined him.
Sam doesn’t know how he hated him almost as much as he loved him, how he wanted him close always and yet wanted him to get the hell away from him at the same time. How disgusting their father was, how he was everything, how he longed for him and still does. How there is a secret part of him that is relieved he’s dead. How he would bring him back to life if he could and kiss him until his beard burned his skin, how he misses that familiar sting.”
Tags: episode: s02e02 everybody loves a clown, grief/mourning, childhood sexual abuse, dead dove: do not eat, character study
10. let’s pretend this song won’t end
rating: m / word count: 6.5k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: Dean asks John to teach him how to slow dance for Prom.
Tags: slow dancing, unresolved sexual tension, feelings realization, affection, first kiss, getting together
11. working for the knife
rating: e / word count: 5.3k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: After rescuing John from a hunt gone wrong, Dean can’t stop thinking about how he looked tied up.
Tags: stanford era, established relationship, rope bondage, knife play, consensual kink, submissive john winchester, oral sex
12. visitation
rating: e / words: 3.3k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: John surprises Sam with a visit at Stanford.
Tags: stanford era, implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism, implied/referenced child abuse, cheating (sorry jess), hurt/comfort, rough kissing, oral sex
13. pretty in pink
rating: e / words: 1.8k / chapters: 1/1
Summary: John sighs when he reaches him. “Look at you.” He reaches out and hooks a finger in the apron string where it's tight against his side. “My perfect little wife.”
Dean sucks in a sharp breath and John pulls him closer, loosening the apron enough so that he gets a peek at what’s underneath. He groans and kisses him, mumbles into his mouth, “Jesus. You kill me, baby.”
Wife. The word is the echo of a church bell in his mind, a dull and encompassing sound. He’s felt like one to him for as long as he can remember but it’s never been said. He thinks yes, I’m your wife. I am, I am, I am.
Tags: domestic, panty kink, breeding kink, rough sex, established relationship, stanford era
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