#this break was almost worth it just for this high tbh
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missed my gf maryjane 🍃
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Perfection | Jin x Reader
Pairing: Vampire Jin x Reader
Word Count: 16k
Series: (6/7) Predator Universe
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Yandere, Obsession, Fear, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Dub-Con, Cunnilingus, Breaking and Entering, Symptoms of Panic/Anxiety, Stalking, Depictions of Gore, Blood, Anger Issues, Dismemberment, MC had a fear of death, MC has agoraphobia, but MC is in therapy (good for her), Jin is kind of an asshole but we love it, kind of pet-playish(?), Jin is basically a sugar daddy tbh
I do not condone the acts displayed in this story nor do I believe any members of BTS would actually engage in this type of behavior. This is simply written for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a reflection of my own values, opinions, or morals.
Preview: Your eyebrows furrowed as you peered over your shoulder. Sure enough, there were a few dark eyes staring back at you - but there was one pair in particular that really caught your attention. There was a man in a roped-off section of the club, a velvet curtain drawn to the side to reveal him seated on an ornate chair. He looked like a king watching over his people, and you meant that not only because of his position but because of his features as well. It was undeniable that he was the most attractive person in the room, hell, the most attractive person you had ever seen. Smooth pale skin, plush lips in a permanent pout, dark eyes, and the widest set of shoulders with a slender waist. He was a work of art. He had this look on his pretty features as if he had just tasted something bitter, and that look was directed behind you.
A/N: I have been working on this fic since July and I am so happy that it is finally done and you guys will be able to read it! I really hope the time this took was worth it and that the fic was worth the hype lol. It’s almost one thirty in the morning and I have a quiz so I really should be sleeping. I think this is one of my favorite installments of the series! I hope you enjoy the fic and as always I can’t wait to see you in my inbox and my comments. Ily 💜💜💜
Kim Seokjin had not only a pretty face but a brilliant mind as well.
At least, that’s what he told everyone.
If there was a singular sin that he could fully encompass it would be vanity. And the sin that he shared with nearly everyone in his “family” was that of pride: a deadly and violent mix. That blend was what led to his damnation.
He knew that he deserved only the best and nothing less, that was exactly how he had been raised when he was still human. In the late 1800s, he had been granted the privilege of being born into high-class society as the eldest son, the heir to the Kim legacy. Everything he wanted was directly at his fingertips and at his disposal. From the moment he was born he was guaranteed power, and that was something he wished to never lose.
As the heir to a luxury wine company, it was only expected that alcohol, parties, and lewd behavior were set to follow him, and he exceeded those expectations. But he was good at keeping business and pleasure as two distinctly separate functions.
And with the life he lived, it was not often that individuals met his expectations. And by individuals, he meant potential wives. Naturally, it was expected of him to marry and continue the family's legacy. But the gold spoon that he was born with in his mouth tainted the pool. No one was good enough for him and that caused much strife within the family.
He was well past the age of marrying at twenty-eight years old. He was beginning to feel the pressure his father and mother were putting on his shoulders. And, not to mention, he was well aware that he was aging. Of course, he would never admit that his looks were fading. There was not a crease in his skin or a gray hair to be plucked, but he could feel it. He could see the minute imperfections that no one else could. It made his skin crawl in disgust.
And then Kim Namjoon entered the frame and everything began to come together.
His mother had insisted on organizing yet another party to find him a wife under the guise that he was there to make several important business deals. But when the vast majority of partygoers were young women with stars in their eyes he knew what was really going on. And of course, he was not going to stick around and socialize with subpar candidates. If he were going to do that it would be restricted to his bedroom, of course.
Namjoon had come to that party that night, Yoongi in tow despite his protests. Namjoon was a cultured man, he liked to mingle with the members of high society from time to time. It helped him learn what was appropriate for the decade as trends (in manners, clothing, and amusement) came and went rapidly. And those who belonged to the upper class were those who set those trends. It was strategic and it helped his kind blend in as seamlessly as possible.
And Jin was the epitome of a high-class man.
And so, Namjoon and Yoongi befriended him. It hadn’t been hard for them, they had been around for so long that they fit right in. And Jin had merely thought he found more of the few people that could meet his high expectations - his small inner circle growing with two new additions. But of course, that friendship had started out with the purpose of using Jin for what he had.
So in turn, he used them.
While Jin had a pretty face, he actually was quite smart and observant. He took note of his companions' odd behavior. He never saw them during the daytime, only in the veil of the night. They had the oddest colored eyes - not quite black but a deep shade of burgundy like the embers of a smoldering fire laid within their depths. And they were cold, absolutely frigid to the touch like a corpse. It didn’t take him very long to piece together what they were, and it was only proven true when he caught the both of them feasting on lifeless corpses in his guest room. He timed everything just perfectly to discover their true nature.
Yoongi had seemed genuinely surprised, bloody lips parted in shock as he stood as still as a statue, the limp body still collapsed in his iron grasp.
Namjoon, on the other hand, was smiling. He too was not able to conceal his nature any longer but he wasn’t trying either. He took his time and continued to finish his meal despite the obvious living human presence in the room.
“You two have been holding out on me,” Jin said with a disappointed tone.
“Holding out?” Namjoon echoed before relaxing his arms and allowing the corpse to slip down to the floor, the thinnest drizzle of blood pooling onto the parquet flooring.
Yoongi could only stare at the both of them, his eyes darting back and forth between the two other men.
“Yes, holding out! You are immortal are you not?”
“Yes, we are, and I’m sure you’ve figured out the rest by now haven’t you?”
“You may have been able to fool all of those other halfwits but it was painfully obvious to me, of course.”
“Of course.” Namjoon nodded while trying to suppress an amused grin.
“I want in, I wish to join you and your kind.”
“No,” Yoongi immediately cut in, “You don’t know what you’re asking for, this is a curse it is not something to take lightly and flirt with the notion of.”
His tone was harsh, his face stern but there was evident pain behind his eyes. Yoongi had been forced into this life if that was what you could even call it. He couldn’t fathom someone willingly agreeing to eternal damnation and he would try his hardest to convince them otherwise.
“Are you denying me?” Jin asked, his face contorted in utter disbelief. He was never denied anything in his twenty-eight years of life and the feeling of rejection was infuriating.
“Yoongi, it’s his decision,” Namjoon interjected, his hand wiping the blood from his mouth leaving a streaky crimson trail behind.
“You’re not actually considering this, are you?” Yoongi hissed.
“What is there to consider? He’s already seen us and he knows what he wants.”
“He has no idea what he wants!”
“And why are you speaking for me? Just because you’re miserable and dissatisfied does not mean the same will be said for me!” Jin spat. “I grow tired of this human body. Every second of every day I feel myself wasting away and there is not a thing I can do about it.”
“You would throw away your humanity, your life, all in the name of vanity?” Yoongi asked in disbelief.
“And for greed as well,” Jin laughed, “Believe me, I am many things and one of them is self-aware. I am a selfish bastard and I am perfectly fine with that. I won’t allow my looks to fade and my fortune will grow as centuries pass. This is what I desire and I refuse to concede.”
He was a businessman in every aspect.
“It sounds like he’s made his choice, Yoongi.” Namjoon finally spoke.
“It sounds like he’s made an ignorant choice and I refuse to have any part in this,” Yoongi said, storming past the two of them and slamming the door shut with enough force that the mahogany wood cracked by the handle.
“So, are we going to fuck about or will you give me what I want?” Jin asked, his impatience growing.
“I consider you a good friend, Jin. I won't lie, I am pleased that you are asking this of me.” Namjoon smiled before grabbing Jin’s shoulder, “We’re all lonely children looking for a place where we belong.”
Lonely children, that was one way to put it. Namjoon was not entirely wrong. In a world where you deserved only the best, many fell short and in the end, you were painfully alone, whether you were willing to admit it or not.
“Before we go through with this, there are some things you should know.”
“What things?”
“You can’t go in the sun, not just yet, you’ll be far too young and far too sensitive to light. Quiet, dark, scentless places are going to be the best place to stay - your senses are going to be heightened tenfold. You must feed often in the early years, you’re going to be very hungry, bloodthirsty really so you need to stay away from large crowds of people.”
Jin was silent for a moment, his eyes shifting from left to right and back again as he processed everything he was told. He could manage, and he could figure out how to do all of those things while maintaining his position as an heir.
“Lastly, do not try and do this alone. In our world, there is strength in numbers as well as safety. You’ll have to stay with me and Yoongi, we will all be bound to one another as creator and creation.”
“So when you two leave…”
“You will follow.” Namjoon nodded, “We try to stay in one place for as long as we can so if it’s your family you’re worried about you’ll have plenty of time to figure something out.”
But they weren’t coming with him. As terrible as it was, that wasn’t a great enough reason to sway his decision. He still wanted what he desired and he was willing to let his family go. So he stuck out his hand, ready to shake on the agreement.
“I accept the conditions.”
~~~~~~~
Most people were afraid of spiders, some of heights, and many feared drowning. But you feared something a bit more abstract and with a bit more finality. You were afraid of aging and by association, you were incredibly afraid of death.
And that fear often leads you to do a few things. One of them was to start skincare at an absurdly young age. The other was to hermit yourself inside of your house out of fear of some horrific accident befalling you. And the other was to seek out strange and obscure places to visit before you die. It was odd that the last two coincide but they do.
There were days when you were so frightened that you couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the comfort of your bed. And then you had days where you felt daring, if you were going to die one day would you really want to have lived your only life trapped inside of your own house? There were your good days and your bad days and they came and went like the tides.
Today was a “good” day. And by good day that meant you were on your laptop scrolling through forums trying to find a new place to visit. Living in a small town was hard, you knew everyone and every place because they were so few in number. But sometimes there were locations in between towns, or hidden spots in your own. Briar Hills is an old town, a historical town even. It’s not uncommon for places to be abandoned, concrete skeletons collapsing and being devoured by the flora.
It was finding them, buried in hundreds of posts, that was difficult. The teenagers in the town had taken to reclaiming those places, turning them into party spots in the blink of an eye. But that has changed in the past few months. Ever since the first body turned up.
That was the thing about small towns, murder was much rarer than the action that cities see. So, when dozens of corpses begin to show up in streams and lakes and people begin to go missing without a trace - panic ensues. As well as a town-wide curfew.
Briar Hills turned into a ghost town after dark. The streets would be empty, lit by a few lampposts spread down the street that was easily consumed by a thick, hazy fog. Every now and then the fog would be broken by police lights, red and blue shocks of color dispersing the mist as the night patrol came around the block. It looked like something out of a horror movie.
And, if it weren’t a good day, the sight alone would be enough to keep you corralled in your room. But it was a good day and you had become stir-crazy from staying in your house for the past few weeks.
After endless scrolling there was one post in particular that caught your attention. It looked like an extravagant invitation with a satin black background and deep red embellishments. It had very little interaction and it was written in a completely different language. For something as obscure as an abandoned place in a small town you weren’t surprised that it had gone unnoticed, especially considering few people checked this forum.
Putting the text into google translate had not been insanely helpful. The translated text was jumbled and made little sense, it was one of those languages that did not thrive when it came to longer translations. But you were interested and fairly stubborn and after extended research and decoding fragmented sentences you were left with this:
“The best bite I’ve ever had,” And following that was a set of coordinates that had been written out instead of just using their numerical counterparts.
You were interested.
What could that mean? Maybe it was some hole-in-the-wall restaurant, but why all the decorum? Why the translations? Who even uses coordinates anymore? The best way to get the answers you desired was to discover them for yourself.
That’s how you ended up sneaking out of your house, dressed head to toe in dark colors, like some teenager that’s about to disappoint their parents. Except, in this case, your parents were the cops, and being grounded would equate to being detained for violating the town-wide curfew. All the more reason to not get caught.
You started to get cold feet when you realized where the set of coordinates was leading you, your body came to a fast stop when the toes of your boots met the edge of the forest. The forest, at night, with low visibility, and predators prowling was a bad move. That just screamed a sudden and violent death, not to mention the bulk of missing persons' corpses had been found within its depths. This was a stupid idea, a bad move, but it was a good day and you were too stubborn to follow reason. You would make up for it tomorrow by hiding in your bed all day. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism, but a coping mechanism nonetheless.
You took a deep breath, squared your shoulders, and took a step forward. There was no going back now, you had made up your mind.
The further into the forest you trekked the quieter it became. It didn’t make sense. You were getting further from society so why was it so quiet? The wind was still, not a branch or leaf trembled, and not even a cricket dared to chirp. It was like every living creature had up and left, abandoning their home. The only sound that filled the static silence was the bubbling rush of water from the river.
You began to walk faster, your nerves urging you to get where you were going and be done with it. On top of that, your eyes were starting to play tricks on you, your brain attempting to make sense of the dark and fill in what was missing resulting in ominous shadows shifting through the trees. You were regretting your decision immensely, so you picked up the pace and began humming to yourself to fill the silence.
If you were being honest, you really had no idea what you were supposed to be looking for. The post hadn’t listed much of anything and you weren’t sure what would be at the end of the coordinates. But, the red light glowing in the distance was a sure sign of something. It grew more intense as you neared it, the light getting stronger the closer to the ground it was. When you finally pushed through the underbrush you were met with a set of concrete stairs leading down into the ground and at the very bottom was an old metal door with a faintly pulsing red light above it. Looking down at your phone you were able to verify that you had made it to where the coordinates were marked.
It was a bomb shelter. It was most likely one for the community back in the forties, an evacuation and safe point for those who didn’t have their own. It must have been abandoned and forgotten about after the war, left to rot there for the past eighty years. But if that light was anything to go by, it must have been reclaimed by someone.
You carefully stepped down the stairs, applying a little weight at a time to make sure that the concrete hadn’t eroded and wouldn’t crumble beneath you. When you reached the bottom you tried the door and to your surprise, it opened with a creak. There was a long tunnel just barely lit by candles lining the walls leaving deep shadows in between them. And now you could feel the walls thumping, steadily vibrating with a muffled bass. That meant there was another chamber somewhere.
You hesitantly traveled down the tunnel, long stretches of the floor would eventually give way to more stairs leading you deeper and deeper underground. This was a claustrophobe's worst nightmare. The more you walked the harder the walls vibrated until you finally came upon another door where the sounds became the loudest. Above the door hung a purple neon sign that read: “Blood Sugar.”
Upon testing the door handle, you were surprised to find that it was unlocked, and once it slowly swung open your nose was assaulted with the scent of alcohol, sweat, and a coppery odor. You swiftly entered and closed the door behind you, trying your best not to bring too much attention to yourself. But it appears you would have no trouble doing so.
The room you had stepped into was massive, the walls were tall and rounded out at the ceiling and were made completely out of metal. But it was far from a barren, abandoned bunker. The room was packed with people, some dancing, some drinking, and others wrapped around one another on the various red velvet chaises spread around the space. The music was loud and the room was lit by antique chandeliers as well as deep purple lighting casting an ominous glow over everyone.
The bunker had been converted into a club of some sort and despite the decrepit tunnels you had slunk through to get here, it was surprisingly luxurious. You were honestly surprised the entire town hadn’t known about this place. That much was certainly true because, despite the large crowd, you could only recognize about five people you had seen before. The massive gathering was largely that of people that were not from Briar Hills.
A set of delicate hands slithered around your waist, tugging you sharply towards the stranger behind you. A shout of surprise parted your lips as you turned around, slapping the offending limbs off of you.
There was a tall woman facing you with a grin on her face, her bright white teeth glinting from behind her deep red lips. Her skin was so pale it was glowing with a purple hue from the lights, her long black curls creating an even sharper contrast against her skin. And you couldn’t explain why you felt the way you did, but the sight of those bright white teeth had your stomach twisting in knots. Despite her delicate appearance, every red flag was being raised in your body. The urge to run was strong.
“Hello, sweetheart,” She crooned, “You’re new, aren’t you?”
Something in the back of your mind demanded you lie.
“No, I’m not. If you’ll excuse me,” You said, your voice steady and cold despite the goosebumps on the back of your neck and the rapid thump of your pulse.
As you went to walk past her she easily stopped you with a hand on your shoulder, her face suddenly incredibly close as she pressed her nose to your hairline and took a deep breath. “Oh, you can’t lie to me, I remember every sweet little snack that comes in here.”
What. The. Fuck.
“Look, I’m not interested in…whatever that means,” You huffed, taking a few steps back and breaking free from her steel grasp, “I’m just here for a drink.”
“Oh?” She hummed, “So am I, I’m glad we can cut to the chase.”
“Okay?” You slowly asked before shuffling around her imposing figure, “See ya.”
You slipped into the crowd, forcing your way through the bodies in an attempt to shake her off of your trail. Anybody else in your position would have lingered for the ethereal woman, but you couldn’t ignore that feeling in the back of your mind or that tug deep in your gut. She was dangerous, and no pretty smile or sweet words could hide it. It was in times like these that your intense fear of death became present as paranoia, warning you of all potential threats.
When you started therapy you were encouraged to slowly step out of your comfort zone, to do things that would combat your anxieties. So, on good days, you try your best to succeed with these short-term goals hoping in the long run you could live normally like every other person your age. But you often found your anxiety creeping up on you and you knew after tonight you would need the rest of the week to recover and that meant avoidance which meant hiding out in your rented duplex.
But for now, you had to cope.
When you broke free from the crowd you stumbled forward, a stray limb jabbing you in the back and sending you reeling onto one of the velvet chaises. To your utter embarrassment, you landed right next to a couple that had left all of their inhibitions at the door like many other patrons of the underground club. The woman was straddling the man's thighs, her arms wrapped around his shoulders as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, her long locks obscuring his face. Although you couldn’t see what he was doing it didn’t take a genius to figure out what it was as the woman’s mouth opened to let out soft moans of pleasure.
Heat rushed up to your face as you stumbled off of the chaise and backed up from the voyeuristic lovers. Of course, you weren't innocent, but seeing something like that in person was different from shamelessly reading smut at three AM.
A few feet away from the couple was the bar. It was surprisingly empty for a club. The man you assumed to be the bartender behind the countertop was relaxing against it, his dark eyes scanning your awkward posture.
You swiftly approached the bar and yelled over the music, “Hi, how much is water?”
He gave you an amused chuckle before grabbing a small leather menu and sliding it over to you, “We don’t serve that here, sweetheart.”
You stared at him in confusion before flipping open the menu. The only thing listed there were various wines all costing an exorbitant amount of money, and by that, you meant at least three months' rent and that was just for a glass, not even the bottle.
“These prices are insane, are you kidding me?!”
“They’re from 1889, newbie.” He smiled, a grin identical to the woman from earlier.
“Well, this was a bust.” You groaned, the initial buzz of excitement from finding a town secret had long since faded.
“Can I offer you some advice?”
“Be my guest.”
“You might want to pay more attention to your surroundings, you’ve had eyes on you since you stepped foot in this place.”
Your eyebrows furrowed as you peered over your shoulder. Sure enough, there were a few dark eyes staring back at you - but there was one pair in particular that really caught your attention. There was a man in a roped-off section of the club, a velvet curtain drawn to the side to reveal him seated on an ornate chair. He looked like a king watching over his people, and you meant that not only because of his position but because of his features as well. It was undeniable that he was the most attractive person in the room, hell, the most attractive person you had ever seen. Smooth pale skin, plush lips in a permanent pout, dark eyes, and the widest set of shoulders with a slender waist. He was a work of art. He had this look on his pretty features as if he had just tasted something bitter, and that look was directed behind you.
“If I were you, I would get out of here. Things get crazy with fresh blood, ya know? The people here are like sharks in the water.” The bartender said, regaining your attention. “Uh oh, looks like you got one on your trail.”
You followed his and the pretty stranger’s gaze behind you. It was her again, the woman from earlier. She was slipping through the ocean of moving bodies with ease, her gait like that of a jaguar on the prowl as she approached. You watched as her polished fingers wiped away what looked like stray lipstick from beneath her lips.
Without thinking you darted away from the bar and past the pretty man, rushing through the first door you found which turned out to be the bathroom. Once the door fell shut you felt like you could relax for a moment. The music was muffled allowing you to think coherently for the first time since you had entered the bunker. Everything had become far too stimulating and you could feel your anxiety rising.
You leaned against the sink, turning the water on ice cold before splashing your face so that you could shock yourself back into clarity. You allowed yourself to brace the sink and relax your body, focusing on your breathing and grounding yourself before you lost control, just the way you were taught to.
The feeling of ice-cold fingers on your shoulders threw all of your work away.
You yelped and flinched, your eyes flying open to see her standing behind you in the reflection of the mirror.
“I knew you were a shy little thing, you should have just told me you wanted to do this privately.” She sighed with a sickeningly sweet smile.
In a moment of flight, fight, or freeze your body chose for you, your legs running without you telling them to do so. You didn’t make it far, not before she grabbed hold of you and threw you up against the wall. Your head hit the tile behind you so hard you saw stars.
“I’ve been hunting you down all night, you’ve made me build up quite the appetite. Do you know how many others I’ve had to threaten to get to you? Everyone always wants to take someone’s first bite.”
What the fuck was she talking about?
“While it was cute at first, we've played this game for long enough, don’t you think?”
“Let go of me!” You yelled while grabbing her wrists and trying to pry her hands off of you. To your complete and utter shock, she didn’t move an inch, it was like her bones were made of iron - immovable and inflexible.
“Now, now, don’t go throwing a tantrum that won’t get you anywhere.” She sighed, sliding her hand up your shoulder to wrap around your throat and squeeze.
Your throat and lungs burned as her grip slowly increased its pressure, your eyes watering as broken gasps and chokes for air gurgled past your lips.
“There there, much better.” She whispered into your ear as she released your throat, your body going limp as you gasped for air.
She easily gathered you up into her arms and softly tilted your head to the side, her perfectly polished nails grazing over the stretch of skin as she hummed before pressing her cherry-red lips to your throat.
“Don’t worry, you’ll feel a slight pinch.” She joked before her jaw widened and a demonic hiss left her throat as her teeth grazed the soft flesh of your vulnerable neck.
But before she could sink her teeth in she was harshly ripped away from you, her perfect face slammed so hard into the bathroom wall that the tiles shattered upon impact. A loud cry of pain echoed throughout the room as she pulled herself from the wall, black blood was pouring from her crooked nose and her sliced lips.
Behind her stood the stranger from before, a miffed and frankly disgusted expression marred his stunning features.
“What the fuck, Jin?!” She screamed, cupping her injured face.
“She’s not a fang banger, Junghee.”
Her once flawless features froze in shock as a look of horror crawled over her face. It was the look of someone who realized that they had made a horrible mistake.
“You’ve really fucked up this time.” He growled in irritation, a genuine growl that had your skin crawling.
“Well, how was I supposed to know?! What is she even doing here?!”
“That’s none of your concern anymore, get the fuck out!” He yelled, ripping the bathroom door open and throwing her out of the room.
You stayed pressed up against the wall out of pure terror. Vampires, you had walked into a fucking nest of vampires and had the closest brush with death you’ve ever had in your entire life. Your gaze remained locked on the vampire, Jin, as he calmed down; the waves of his rage slowly dissipating. In this lighting, you could finally see what you hadn’t been able to before in the dim club. Under the fluorescent lights, his eyes gleamed a vibrant, intimidating red.
You winced in fright as he took a step in your direction, your body attempting to meld into the wall behind you. Jin raised his eyebrow in questioning, taken aback by your apprehension. It wasn’t often he had humans cowering in fear, usually, they shook from…something else.
“Enough of that, come along human.” He snapped, grabbing you by your sleeve and easily dragging you from the room despite your protests and your heels digging into the ground. He was pulling you as if you weighed nothing.
“Let go!” You shrieked in terror, struggling against his hold with all of your might.
He came to a sudden halt, gripping you by your shoulder and pulling your body so close that there was barely an inch of space left between his chest and your own.
“Don’t you think you’ve drawn enough attention to yourself tonight?”
You peered over your shoulder, and sure enough, there were several of his kind watching the two of you from the dance floor. Their stares were curious and hungry. Unconsciously you shifted closer to him, choosing the lesser of two evils, one vampire versus many.
“Look at that you’re smart, for a human.” He snickered before guiding you back to the curtained area you had seen him sitting in before Junghee had cornered you in the bathroom.
“Sit, stay.” He said with a smirk as he pressed you down by your shoulder onto one of the couches before gesturing for someone to close the thick curtains.
“Look, I just want to go home. I won’t breathe a word about what happened here or what this place is, it was a mistake coming here.”
“A mistake indeed, but a mistake that needs correcting nonetheless,” Jin said with a distressed roll of his (impressive) shoulders. “So, tell me human, how did you find this place?”
You sat there in silence for a moment, your face the perfect image of confusion, “Are you being serious right now?”
“I don’t recall telling a joke.”
“You - there was a post online, on a forum? Anyone could have found it if they were looking close enough, it really wasn’t that hard to find. All I had to do was translate the text and it told me where to go.”
“A…forum?” He repeated, clearly confused.
Dear God, he was an old-ass vampire who didn't know much about technology or even the internet. He didn’t even know he had advertised the place. He was just an old man in a young man’s body.
“You know, a forum, it’s online, it's where people who want to discuss a certain topic go to. I was looking for obscure places, abandoned buildings, and lesser-known spots in town. I found the posting for this place and it just said ‘The best bite I’ve ever had’...I didn’t know it meant literally.” You said, your nerves leading you to ramble on and on.
Jin’s eyes pressed shut, his face contorting in anger as a hiss parted his lips, “Jimin.”
Jimin and himself were the only two vampires in their coven that knew about the club Jin hosted. Jin had been careless one night and Jimin had followed him, discovering the secret he had kept well hidden. Jin bought Jimin’s silence initially with limited access to the place, but now he was regretting every interaction he had had with the short vampire.
One of the few times Jin had found himself getting on with said vampire had led him to express his annoyance with the lack of human stock for the club. In turn, Jimin had offered to help “advertise” in exchange for unrestricted access to the club.
Now that he had figured out how the little human had snuck her way in, he had to decide what to do with her. He could always kill her, that would be the simple answer. He could drain her dry and snap her pretty neck in an instant. But that wasn’t really his style, he typically preferred to savor his meals unlike his gorger of a “brother”, Jungkook.
Perhaps the human could serve a purpose for him.
“Come, human.” He beckoned with his fingers.
You remained frozen in your seat, your body still in active survival mode keeping your joints locked.
Jin sighed, clearly miffed by your disobedience. He rose from his own seat only to cross the room and sit next to you. His long fingers gripped your chin and jerked your head up, forcing you to look at him. His hold was ice cold, the chill from his touch steadily seeping into your jaw. You felt paralyzed by his intimidating crimson gaze. His eyes flicked quickly over your features as he turned your head from side to side, taking in your every pore.
“Not bad, for a human. Don’t feel too offended, it’s difficult to look as flawless as myself.” He said with a casual tone as if he were merely stating a fact.
“You look pretty average to me,” You blurted out the lie, your lips moving before your brain could stop you from verbalizing.
It was so fast you almost couldn't see it but it was there, his left eye twitched and his grip tightened forcing a slight whine of pain from you. He roughly jerked your head to the side, choosing to ignore what you said despite how much it clearly bothered him. Instead, he trained his focus on your neck, pulling the collar of your shirt down past your collarbone.
“Smooth,” He observed, his icy touch skipping over the skin of your throat, “Junghee didn’t sink her dirty fangs in you after all, that’s good.”
Without warning he leaned down, his nose skimming over your neck as he breathed in, flooding himself with your scent. His grip tightened as you yelped and tried to jerk away from him in fear that this time you would surely die at the hands of a mythical creature, a monster in the flesh.
You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt his plump lips brush your throat, his cool breath fanning over the skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake. His actions were reminiscent of a wine connoisseur, the way they studied the body of the wine and the aroma. He was assessing you - attempting to decide if you would make a good meal, that you were certain of.
You jerked as you felt him bury his face further into your neck. You could feel the slight flutter of his eyelashes against your skin as a groan parted his lips.
“Well, don’t you smell delicious?” He crooned, his tongue swiping over his lips and just barely ghosting over your throat. “I think that we can come to an agreement, does that sound nice?”
“What,” You paused to clear your throat, “what did you have in mind?”
“I’m glad you asked,” He said with a wink after pulling back from you, “You see, I think we could mutually benefit from one another’s company. While breaking your pretty little neck would certainly be the easiest way out of this problem, I do find you quite amusing, pet.”
Your body grew stiff as your mind conjured up the image of his strong hands severing your vertebrate in one smooth pull, your body falling limp and lifeless on the club’s floor. Your greatest fear was death and Jin was death incarnate. He could very easily take your life if he so desired and he was making that very clear. He cared not whether you lived or died but only if your presence benefitted him in some manner. Your life was inconsequential.
“Very few people meet my standards but you are very lucky, I have a rather refined palette and it just so happens you meet said standards. So, I would like to propose a business arrangement. You will be my sole donor and keep those pretty lips sealed about everything you have witnessed tonight and in turn, you get to keep your life.”
“And if I don’t agree?” You dared to ask.
A sneer marred his perfect face, his fingers gripping your chin and forcing you to look at him in his blood-red eyes.
“Then your pathetic human life ends right here, right now.” He said, his hand slipping down your jaw to loosely wrap around your throat. He could feel your pulse steadily thumping against his hand causing his mouth to involuntarily pool with saliva, hunger twisting in his gut.
Your breath hitched, fear slicing down your spine like a violent chill. You knew you only had one choice, and that was to appease the monster that sat beside you because he was far less frightening than the unknown, than the certain embrace of death that waited at every corner.
When fear rules your life, you have no choice. There is only ever one option.
“I agree,” Your voice trembled as you swallowed uncomfortably under his grasp. “I’ll be your donor.”
“Splendid.” He said with a grin, his canines glinting under the light.
“Can I…can I please go home now?” You asked, clasping your trembling hands together to try and still their shaking.
“No, there are a few more fine details we have to iron out,” He said, his index finger lightly tapping your chin, “Firstly, I expect you to maintain a healthy lifestyle and that means no alcohol within a twenty-four hour period before we meet and certainly no smoking it’s a dirty and disgusting habit.”
You nodded slowly, trying your best to avoid looking into his piercing red gaze.
“Try your best to have a healthy diet as well, the junk you humans gorge yourselves on taints your flavor, it’s unbearably sweet.” He said with a wrinkle of his nose in disgust. “I will compensate you for your efforts and your donations, once I’ve deemed you satisfactory, of course,”
“I think that about covers it. And when I call upon you I expect your presence. Do we understand one another?” He asked with a tilt of his head.
Your throat was far too tight, your eyes burning with unshed tears as you weakly nodded in agreement.
“Very good,” He hummed before leaning back into the couch and soundly tapping the top of his thigh, “come, pet.”
You sat still, your body frozen in shock as you were unsure if you had heard him correctly.
“Well?” He raised his eyebrow expectantly.
“I…I don’t think that, um-”
“Are you going to keep babbling and test my patience, or are you going to be a good little pet and do as I say?” He interjected and immediately you remembered the phantom feeling of his hand on your throat, the light grip that screamed threat.
You awkwardly shuffled on your knees across the couch and hesitantly settled your legs on either side of him, hovering so that your weight did not rest on his lap. In response, he firmly gripped your hips and harshly pulled you down onto him, pressing you directly against him in a way that sent heat rushing beneath your skin despite the evident chill that emanated from his body.
You could see his fangs even clearer now. They had become longer than before, the sharpened points dragging along the flushed skin of his plump lower lip. You were terrified by the thought of them piercing your thin flesh. What if they punctured your jugular and you bled out to death? What if he had just been playing with his food this entire time, instilling a false hope of survival in you just to watch with murderous glee as you realized you were meant to die the entire time as he drained the life out of you?
And then what? The void of inevitable nothingness? The abyss of the afterlife? You were spiraling now, you could feel it in the way your chest constricted and your breaths came out in panicked, short huffs.
A soft, wet, stroke against your throat pulled you from your frightening thoughts. As your vision cleared you realized that he had settled back into the juncture of your neck and shoulder, his tongue gently and steadily lapping at your skin. Despite your embarrassment, you could feel your body slowly relaxing and melting against him. It felt like you were being shot up with a tranquilizer, your muscles going weak from his ministrations as the skin of your neck went numb.
And within seconds his fangs were sinking through your flesh, easy and smooth. You jolted in response, a cry of pain leaving you as your fingers curled into the silk of his shirt while your body subconsciously leaned away, trying to escape the sudden painful stimulus.
In response, you could feel Jin’s arms tighten around your back and harshly pull you flat against his chest with an animalistic growl, one that immediately paralyzed you with fear.
The vampire beneath you was enraptured, completely lost in the feeding frenzy as rivers of blood flowed freely past his plump lips and poured down his throat. Your scent had been seductive, but your taste? It was better than any wine, better than ambrosia and nectar, it was addictive. So addictive he was unsure if he would be able to stop but at the same time aware he could not kill you because the rest of his immortal existence would be utter hell if he were unable to get another hit.
Kim Seokjin had a refined palette and high standards and few people met his expectations. But you? You were complete and utter perfection. And he deserved perfection.
His grip was too hard, unrelenting, crushing you against him. You wouldn’t be surprised if he cracked your spine by accident. It was like he was afraid to release you, afraid that there was a chance you would be able to escape him, the apex predator.
But these thoughts were all uselessly whimpered in the back of your mind because the rest of your brain was completely flooded with euphoria. You had never felt so warm and tingly despite his cool hands in your entire life. It was almost like an out-of-body experience, the only thing keeping you grounded in existence was his tight hold. And there were other feelings as well, feelings you would have been ashamed of had your inhibitions not completely disappeared. Feelings that had your thighs clenching on either side of his waist, your heart beating pathetically fast, your pupils dilating, and your limp body helplessly rocking against him with his hands guiding and encouraging you.
This was completely out of character for you. You didn’t climb into random men's laps and writhe against them eagerly like you were in heat. That had never been who you were, but the position you were in now clearly said otherwise.
You were growing lightheaded, not only from arousal and euphoria but from blood loss as well. You weakly pushed at his chest, your innate desire to survive prevailing over the pleasure that had relaxed your muscles.
“Jin, please,” You whimpered, struggling to speak.
The vampire didn’t respond or relent, his arms still wrapped around you like a vice. In desperation you wound your arms around his neck, your fingers tangling into his hair and tugging at the roots. The pull certainly took him off guard, his fangs sliding free from your throat and his perfect lips parting to release a startled moan.
His eyes were half-lidded but his red irises still burned brightly under the dim lighting, a perfect match for the blood that stained his lips and chin. He said nothing at that moment and from what very little you knew about him you could conclude that it was not often that he was at a loss for words.
Warmth trickled down your neck, rivulets of blood still flowing freely now without him there to catch them and that seemed to snap him back to attention. He slowly leaned forward, maintaining eye contact with you until he was level with your throat once more, his tongue darting out to lick up the trails of blood before tracing over the puncture wounds he had left behind.
Your hold on his shoulders did nothing to dissuade him, in fact, he quite enjoyed your weak attempts to keep him at an arm's length. Humans were so fragile, so weak, and he enjoyed that.
“Relax,” He breathed, “We have a deal, remember? It would be a waste to drain you dry in one night.”
“And how do I know you don’t just like to play with your food?” You asked.
“You don’t. You’ll just have to take my word for it, pet.” He smirked, tapping your chin with his finger.
“You’re not going to kill me?”
“Let’s just say your sample was more than satisfactory, I have no reason to take back my word just yet.”
Yet. And yet, he was actually letting you go.
“I’ll see to it that you make it home safely,” He began. But before he could finish speaking you were eagerly sliding off of his lap.
His hands caught your waist easily, one holding you steady and the other firmly grasping your chin between his thumb and forefinger forcing you to look him in his eyes.
“Remember, I call, you answer. As long as you abide by my rules we won’t have a problem.”
You nodded quickly, his words barely registering in your brain as your body took control. You would agree to anything that would keep you alive.
“Don’t disappoint me.”
~~~~~~
Days had passed since that night at Blood Sugar, days where Jin had not tried to contact you, days that you spent isolated in your house - a wave of agoraphobia so strong that the thought of passing a threshold frightened you to the bone which was beyond ironic considering your situation. But those days also led to you trying to convince yourself it had all been a bad dream.
If the encounter at Blood Sugar had in fact been real, you had little to show for it. The skin of your throat was smooth and untouched despite the fangs that you were certain had torn through it like paper. The only parting gift you had was the urge to sleep for days, a splitting headache, and a touch of soreness around your ribs where you were sure his arms had once restrained you.
Pretending it hadn’t happened was easier on your mind. Your whole world had been turned upside down and the monsters you once thought to be the stuff of stories had been pulled from the shadows and abruptly thrust into the light. It was easier to pretend it was a dream. But you couldn’t shake those blood-red eyes from your memories nor the show of pure strength that had been demonstrated against Junghee - her once perfect face that was so easily disfigured by the elder vampire.
You were afraid of death and the realization that it actually lurked at every eerie corner and you had sat in its lap like a contented house cat was enough to fry the connections in your brain.
And you could only pretend for so long. You could only ignore reality for so long.
It had been three weeks since you had seen him when he finally confirmed his existence in the form of a simple text.
“Hungry, you know where to find me.”
And that made your blood run cold. It was time to finally face reality, you had actually made a deal with a vampire and now he was cashing in on your promise. It was donate or die.
And in an absolute panic, you made a terrible decision. You placed your phone face down and retreated beneath your blankets like a small child hiding from the boogeyman.
Your phone did not cease to remind you that you had made a bad decision. The messages started sporadically - spread out throughout the hour. But Jin’s impatience grew as did the texts and calls. The eerie silence of your bedroom filled with a continuous buzzing as your phone continued to vibrate until you couldn’t take it anymore and without looking at a single message you shut down your phone. But that only brought temporary relief.
You were begrudgingly pulled from the safety of your bed that day for an inspection your landlord had scheduled two days prior. There was no getting out of it and in your mind, it was a welcome distraction from the spiraling anxiety you felt when you thought about your powered-down phone.
You had no way of knowing that their presence would only worsen the problem that you had created.
You were generally a quiet person that kept to yourself around strangers, especially strangers that had a say in whether you continued living in your home or not. You practically stuck yourself to the walls as she inspected your home, and while your landlord was not necessarily a mean woman she wasn’t very chatty. You two got along in those regards.
You were able to breathe when she gave you an awkward, tight-lipped smile, waved, and closed the door behind her.
As soon as she was gone you rushed back into your bedroom and just barely pulled your curtains aside to peer out your window and watch her retreat. But when you did look out that window you felt your blood run cold. She was still there, standing on the walkway, and directly in front of her was him. It was twilight out, the sun still desperately trying to cling to a purple and ochre colored sky. It was safe for him to be out. He was giving her a charming smile, one that anyone would fall over at the sight of. You could see him laugh and then say a few words but you were too far away to make out what they were. And then to your utmost horror, she walked away and he made his way up the front steps.
You were frozen, your muscles tense, and refused to move. You held your breath as you listened. There was no way that he could get in, you hadn’t given him permission. But all of your hope washed out of you when you heard the front door’s knob turn and the soft click of it leaving the frame. There were a few light steps and then the door shut once more.
He was inside the house.
You felt absolutely helpless as all you could do was wait for him to find you. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, you were cornered.
It was only a matter of seconds before he did find you, a stern and angry expression clear on his face as he rounded the banister and the stairs and stood right outside the door frame of your room. His eyes were different now, they weren’t the vibrant red that you remembered. They were a deep burgundy now, almost black as they stared back at you with intensity. You couldn’t even make out the difference between his pupils and his irises. It was a bottomless, dark gaze.
“How did you get in?” You asked, the words rushing out of you to your own surprise.
One of his dark brows quirked, whether it was in surprise or irritation you did not know.
“Elaine let me in,” He said with a stomach-turning grin.
Your landlord. She technically owned the house, she could let him in even if you didn’t invite him.
“I thought I made myself clear when we spoke, did I not?” He asked rhetorically, “I call, you answer, I feed, you keep your life. What part of that did your little human brain not comprehend?”
“You called me?”
“Don’t play dumb with me.”
“My phone died-”
“Don’t make me repeat myself!” He snapped, his voice shockingly loud and incomposed.
You flinched back against the wall as he finally entered your room only to stop dead in his tracks not more than five feet away. His eyes widened, his nostrils flared, and his fangs descended on instinct.
The two of you stood there, both staring at each other and refusing to move, waiting for the other to act first.
Jin was the one to break the stalemate.
“You’re on your period.”
Your eyes widened in embarrassment, warmth radiating beneath your skin in response. He could smell it, that was the only explanation and that was a mortifying thought that had you pressing your thighs together, tight and closed.
He looked shaken, frazzled, and incredibly unlike himself. His rage was forgotten, his hunger controlling him. He was gripping the footboard of your bed, the skin of his knuckles stretched taut as he held onto it like he was keeping himself grounded.
“I want a taste,” He said, staring you down without a single blink.
It took you a moment to comprehend what he had just said, and as soon as you connected the dots you were anchoring yourself to the wall and vehemently shaking your head.
“No, no way!”
“Yes,”
“No! That’s messy and gross and I never agreed to do anything like that with you!
“I’m hungry,” He hissed, “And you expect me to just leave when you smell like fucking heaven?”
“Yes, because everything about this is crazy! I don’t know you, I never wanted to find you and now I’m stuck with you until you ultimately decide to kill me so I’m sorry that you’re hungry but it’s not even my problem in the first place!”
That was the one upside to being on your period, the influx of hormones allowed you to become confrontational.
“I’ll pay you double for a feed directly from the source,” He said with gritted teeth.
Jin was never one to bargain, usually he would leave a deal with far more than the other party. But this was something he refused to pass up. Vampires, very often, had little to no inhibitions especially when it came to sex. Sex was often a co-occurrence with feeding, and menstruation was the epitome of that. He didn’t expect a pathetic little human like you to understand. You were fettered by mortal concepts that had forced you to believe you were to be a social pariah during that time, that it was “gross,” as you had said. Little did you know you were considered a delicacy in his world, ripe for the taking. And he knew how delicious you were when he fed from the vein, his mouth watered at the thought of what it would be like now.
Your silence to his proposition only frustrated him even more.
“Do you know how many people would die to be in your position right now? I’ve had women beg to be on their knees for me and I’m offering to pay you to do the opposite.”
You were sure that he was telling the truth because he certainly was the most breathtaking man you had ever seen in your entire life. But what confused you was why he didn’t just throw you down and do as he pleased. He was bigger than you, stronger than you, and far faster than you. If he wanted it as badly as he claimed, why was he bargaining with you? You could only assume it was the lingering effects of the era he had lived in. While he was an asshole, perhaps he took no joy in forcing himself on a woman in that manner.
And then there was the money. Rent wasn’t cheap, that was for sure. And not many people could say that they were paid to be pleasured. It wasn’t a terrible offer, and the last thing you wanted to do was displease a vampire that could kill you and had threatened to do so before.
Shit.
“You wont hurt me?” You asked, your voice wavered.
“Quite the opposite,” He smirked. He knew that he had won.
A gasp of surprise parted your lips as he closed the distance between you, moving so fast that a gust of wind whipped up ruffling your hair and sending loose pages of paper tumbling from your desk. Your heart stuttered in fright, every minute you spent with him only served as a reminder of how dangerous he was. This arrangement you had with him was dangerous, you were toeing the line between life and death and that thought made your stomach turn in unease. He was a vampire, an apex predator, a creature that you had stopped believing in long ago, but also the undead embodiment of death. The very thing you feared the most. All it would take is one moment of frenzy, a lack of control and you would be left to bleed out in your sheets with no one to come and find your remains for weeks to pass.
You didn’t want to die, but you knew he wouldn’t let you live.
The touch of his cold fingers to your waist brought you back to him as he tugged you toward your bed, pressing you down onto the sheets before moving over you like an animal on the hunt. His eyes were pitch black, the veins beneath them prominent, and his fangs dangerously grazed his plump lips. He looked like a fallen angel, like Lucifer himself, the most beautiful outcast of them all.
An involuntary cry of fright left you as he moved impossibly fast once more, his face now level with the side of your head, the tip of his nose just barely brushing over your cheek as he chuckled. Even his breath was frigid.
“You’re nervous,” He hummed in delight, “Careful now, we wouldn’t want your heart to stop, would we?”
He could feel the violent, rapid thumps of your heart where his chest was pressed against yours. It had been a long time since he had had a human like this, oftentimes he found it too annoying. They were fragile creatures and having to restrain himself was rather inconvenient, but he preferred his partners to be responsive when he had his way with them, unlike some of his kind who couldn’t care either way. Was it still necrophilia if both parties were technically dead?
And while your heart was making itself known, you could feel nothing in response. His heart didn’t beat like yours, it had gone silent long ago and that thought only reminded you of just how wrong this entire thing was. He was dead, but you couldn’t wrap your mind around how he also seemed so very alive and while that scared you deeply, it also ignited a disturbing thought within you. But that thought was quickly halted when he noticed your lack of attention on him.
He hated that your attention wasn’t on him.
An annoyed growl rumbled in his throat as he moved back, quickly going down the length of your body and ripping your shorts down your legs, exposing you to the cold air.
“Jin wait-” It felt as if all the air was sucked out of your lungs as he ignored you, plunging his face directly in between your thighs.
He was unlike any of the partners you had had before. He did not take his time even though he evidently had plenty of it. He didn’t warm you up with gentle words, pleasing touches, or lingering kisses. Instead, he was absolutely ravenous. It was just like he said, he was hungry. But you, on the other hand, had not been prepared in the slightest for how sensitive you would be.
You could only whine in discomfort as you tried to clench your thighs closed, one hand coming down to push at his shoulder. Your actions were completely useless, no matter how much force you could use it was like pushing against a concrete wall - he was immovable.
You could feel him growl in annoyance which only sent a shock throughout your body, your hips twitching and your shoulder blades digging into the mattress. His fingers were harshly pressing against your thighs, forcing them open wider and hooking your legs over his shoulders so that he could get impossibly closer to you.
“Too - too much!” You barely managed to get the words out, your body jolting from sharp bursts of pleasure.
“Be a good pet and take it for me,” He crooned, parting from you for a mere moment to look up at you - his bright crimson eyes cutting through the darkness that had steadily filled the room. “I thought you said you would do anything to keep your life?”
You couldn’t explain the feeling that his words gave you, but the shame that lingered was recognizable. Shame that enduring pleasure to ensure your survival was an addictive cocktail of emotions.
You couldn’t even form a response in time before he returned back to his feeding, his soft lips and firm tongue caressing you in a way that made you realize he was actively trying to make you feel good instead of solely focusing on gorging himself on your blood. You had no way of knowing that that just made the feed all the more enjoyable, the rush of hormones in your body only adding to the flavor. It was a flavor he already knew he was addicted to and while he was reluctant to admit it to himself, it was a flavor he could not live without.
And with each feed there were more problems to come. While he knew his blood, saliva, and venom were incredibly intoxicating to your weakened human state - he underestimated the effect you would have on him. With all of the hormones his bite coaxed out of you there was one pesky one that affected him: oxytocin. It was a bonding hormone, one that fostered a relationship between feeder and donator which was why so many vampires rarely fed from the same human more than once typically preferring to drain the body dry and dump it anywhere to rot.
He was willingly making himself vulnerable to you all in order to get another fix, another hit of your blood. And the worst part was, he didn’t mind.
“Jin!” You cried.
He was disgusted with himself, disgusted by the way his body shuddered and was aflame with tingles at the mere moan of his name rolling off of your lips. It was nothing special, countless others had done it before you, but he couldn’t understand why it was you. Why were you special?
He could blame it on the damn hormone bond all he wanted, but this was only the second feed which meant, to his utmost horror, it was him. His interest in you, a human, was more than just superficial desire.
Oh, how far he had fallen.
He smelled your salty tears and he could even see the gleam of them as they rolled down the curves of your cheeks as your hips pitched forward, broken whimpers wracking your body that only served to drive him crazier. He could drown in you and it still wouldn’t be enough.
And as soon as all of the tension within you snapped he was digging his fangs into the meat of your thigh, fresh, hot blood rushing over his tongue and down his throat. The blend was intoxicating for not only him but for you as well - the bite secreting venom that doubled the effects of all of his efforts that lit your brain and body on fire. You could become addicted to him just as easily as he was to you because that feeling, that feeling was indescribable and would never be able to be replicated by anyone but him. Just as he was chasing you for his fix, you could easily see yourself doing the same.
When you came too, you were startled by the gentle touch of his tongue to the puncture wounds on your thigh. It soothed over the cuts rhythmically, urging the skin to sew itself back together again. And while he worked, he stared. Bright, crimson red eyes were trained on you. His gaze dark and dangerous. Your body that had once been limp and relaxed immediately tensed once more. The knowledge that a predator was nestled into your lap was enough to reignite fear in your chest. You feared that the slightest twitch or breath would signal for him to lunge again, but this time the outcome would not be so pleasurable for you.
But Jin was a man of his word. You didn’t die that night and your bank account was fed in due course.
This continued for the next six days. Whereas before it seemed like the vampire was able to abstain from feeding for as long as he wished, he had now become ensnared by a ravenous, bottomless hunger. And that was all the more frightening. But what was even more frightening was the way he began to change.
He was still rude, cold, and dominating. But he had become ever present. His closeness could be described as suffocating. The only solitude you could find was in the daylight, but the minute the sun began to set he was back and hungrier than before. And after the…feeding, he would linger. He would touch you more often, his words still snarky but lacking their usual bite. It was like he was becoming comfortable around you. He was still insufferable, but undeniably comfortable.
It was that comfortability that encouraged you to entertain that dark thought you had tried to smother before. Your ever present fear of death could easily be solved, the answer to your problem mere inches away from you. You understood the gravity of the situation, what it would mean to become something like him. But you couldn’t deny the truth that you could live with ending the lives of others if it meant you could sustain your own. You didn’t want to die, you couldn’t fathom dying, and you had an undead man at your disposal. If he was willing.
It was after your seventh session together that you decided to finally ask him. His cherry red lips were pressed against your throat, swallowing every last drop of blood that slid down your skin. Your neck stung and your body thrummed with ecstasy, your fingers cupping the back of his head on reflex - moving without your permission.
“Jin?” You asked.
He hummed in response, visibly enthralled by the feed but letting you know he was listening anyway.
“I want to be like you,” You whispered.
A slick pop echoed in the room, his fangs pulled from your neck and retracted into his mouth, disappearing from sight. His eyes narrowed, his dark brows drawing together in confusion and distaste.
“No,” He simply said, retreating to the foot of your bed.
“Why not?”
“Because you would be useless to me, that’s why. What good is a donor that’s dead?” He scoffed.
You couldn’t deny the ache you felt in your chest, the sting that “useless” struck against your heart.
“You’re…you’re going to grow tired of me eventually. I’ll get old, I won’t taste as good anymore. Then, I’ll be useless.”
“Oh, I plan to savor every last drop that you can offer. I won’t let you go to waste like that, you are mine after all.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean? You’ll just kill me before I go bad? Put me out of my misery before I can rot? I’m a fucking human being not a piece of meat!” You yelled, angrily standing up from your bed.
You expected him to become enraged, to become violent. But if anything he was deathly calm, still, and silent.
“Wouldn’t that be a kindness,” he stood from the bed, now towering over you, “To not have to grow older, to be in pain? To just stop here where you’re perfect, when you’re young and beautiful?” He said with a soft caress down your cheek.
“But you could give me what I want,” You pleaded, “You would never have to see me again, I could go far away and I wouldn’t be your problem anymore.”
A frown pulled at his lips, frustration falling over his features, “It’s not as simple as that. You would be bound to me, there are rules about these things.”
“Rules? Like laws, is there someone in charge of you?”
“Don’t bring that Twilight bullshit into this,” He hissed, running his hands through his hair in what appeared to be distress.
“Then I don’t understand, why can’t you do this for me? I’ve done everything you’ve asked! I’ve given you everything you wanted so that I could stay alive! Why can’t you understand that I don’t want to die!”
“Because you don’t understand what you’re asking for!” He snapped.
In that moment, he was brought back to that fateful day all those years ago. Yoongi had warned him, he had tried to stop him and he hadn’t listened. And now, he was being faced with a painful reminder of his naivety and arrogance when he stared back at you. Jin never regretted becoming a vampire. He never regretted his inability to grow old or the only way he was able to satiate his hunger. He enjoyed it. But if there was anything he didn’t enjoy, it was being under the control of someone else.
“We would be connected for the rest of eternity. Anything I ask of you, you have to do. You can’t deny me even if you tried. And even if you ran, you would eventually come back whether you wanted to or not. I would be your sire, your creator, you couldn’t hurt me no matter how badly you want to. We would be stuck together, do you understand?”
If there was anything he was afraid of, which he would never admit to, it would be having to rely on someone like that. It would be loving you, obsessively loving you like he felt the desire to creep over him. While he refused to admit it, all of those feeds had done their toll. He could feel the tugs of a weak bond forming between you - begging to be strengthened by a little of his own blood and a swift death. If you stayed human, he could save you from the fate he suffered through. And if he killed you, then no one else could have you. It was insane, but to him it was incredibly logical.
You had been quiet for quite some time, your face pensive before you finally spoke.
“That doesn’t sound all that different from our current arrangement.”
“Ugh, you’re insufferable!” He yelled, grabbing the closest thing to him and flinging it across the room in a show of strength and anger. So this was what Yoongi felt like.
“You’ve exhausted your usefulness to me,” He spat in rage, “Good luck defending yourself on your own.”
And just like that, he was gone. The only remainder of his presence was the broken chair that lay in pieces on the ground and the huge dent in the plaster from where it had hit.
You couldn’t stop the sudden wave of tears that poured down your face. That had been your only way to cheat death, and he wouldn’t give it to you after you had given him every piece of yourself that he had asked for.
The silence was loud, your sniffles and your pounding heart painfully apparent. But what was even more apparent, was the sense of paranoia steadily creeping over you.
What did you have to defend yourself from now that he was gone?
~~~~~~~
Jin was starving.
Even he was not so thick-headed that he couldn’t see what he was doing. He was throwing a temper tantrum.
He had left you for a month now in what was supposed to be a break that would teach you a lesson. You weren’t allowed to make demands from him, you weren’t the one in control. But if there was anything he had learned from his pathetic plan, it was that you were very much in control.
You had managed to burrow your way into his unwilling, stone cold heart. A feat that no one in his human and vampiric life had managed to do. The very thought itself made his stomach turn. He had never had to depend on anyone else, he never wanted commitment in that sense. Yet here he was yearning for you, a pathetic little hermit. His pathetic little hermit.
He let out an audible groan, collapsing back against one of the velvet couches in the club. The blue and red lights flashed over his face, his stomach rumbled in pain. He had thought it would only take a week for you to break, just a few days before you apologized and begged for him to come back. But he had greatly underestimated you.
It had been a month and he hadn’t fed. Everyone else paled in comparison, their blood sitting on his tongue like spoiled milk; he couldn’t even manage to swallow a drop. And that was completely his fault. This was why he was warned not to keep feeding from the same source. You were bonded now and he was suffering because of it.
He had never felt so backed into a corner before. And the fact that it was all because of a human was just salt in the wound. He thought that time would sever the bond but in reality, distance had just made it grow stronger.
Even now he was certain that he could smell your scent sifting through the hazy air, it’s tendrils beckoning him to come find you.
It was the prick of his fangs against his lip and the sudden pool of saliva flooding his mouth that made him realize it was anything but a fantasy. You were there. A wave of satisfaction rolled over him, you had broken first in a stalemate that you were unaware of. He had won. But any excitement he felt about his win was quickly thwarted when he was reminded of the present danger. You, who smelled so heavenly, had once more crawled into a nest of vampires.
He quickly lurched to his feet, cutting through the crowds of vampires and humans alike in order to find you. You were in the most dangerous spot in Briar Hills and he could not protect you. His abstinence had greatly weakened him, he could only hope that no one else would be aware of that. He was the eldest there and he was in charge, that should be enough to keep everyone else away from you.
Well, all except one.
You hadn’t even seen her coming, her or her “friends.” You had just barely managed to step foot inside the bunker before she was ripping you back outside, moving so quickly that your head was spinning and your neck burned with whiplash.
You moaned in pain, one hand cradling the back of your neck while the other dug into the damp earth in an attempt to ground yourself from the violent pounding that vibrated all throughout your head. At first you were utterly dumbstruck, confused as to what exactly happened. But the swift kick of a pointy shoe to your ribs rolled you onto your back and allowed you to be faced with four pairs of glowing red eyes.
The pain in your head was quickly overshadowed by the hot shooting pain in your ribs. Your spinning head could just barely register the loud crack that had sounded when you were kicked. What looked to be an effortless, swift strike from her was enough to break your ribs.
“Hello sweetheart,” A familiar, sickeningly sweet voice crooned.
It was her, that vampire from a month ago. The one that Jin had saved you from.
Cold shocks ran through your body as you panted, grabbing your side as you tried to scoot away.
“Ah, ah, ah,” She teased, grabbing you by your ankle and roughly pulling you back. Another sickening pop echoed through the night as a violent scream tore its way free from your throat.
“Now, I’m not letting you get away from me so easily this time. You really pissed me off, and now you’re going to give me what I want.”
You had no time to react and nowhere to run to. She and her friends descended on you like a pack of hungry vultures. They ripped at clothing and jostled you around like a toy they didn’t want to share. And all four of them dug into you. With Jin, there had been little to no pain. But this was the worst pain of your life. You could feel teeth digging into you, ruthlessly cutting through your flesh and ripping it apart. Hot, thick blood was pouring out of your wounds, drenching your skin and your clothes in an instant.
There was nothing you could do but scream, cry, and shake.
You were helpless and soon you were going to die. You had no doubt that they had every intention to bleed you dry. You felt like you were on the verge of passing out. Your greatest fear was suddenly becoming a reality and there was absolutely nothing that you could do about it. Death spared no one, especially you.
And for a moment you thought that death really had come for you because the pain was suddenly wrenched away.
You laid there, groaning in pain as you listened to what was happening. You could hear her low, sultry voice, the sounds of hits landing, and a deep, rumbling growl that shook you to your very core. It wasn’t death, but it was a close second. Jin had found you.
You forced yourself to open your eyes and look, you struggled to turn your head but when you did your heart dropped. Half of her group collapsed, in various states of injury. But Jin was the worst. He was barely managing to stand and he looked so weak. His cheeks were gaunt compared to the last time you had seen him, the veins beneath his eyes prominent and exposed. But worse of all, he was coated in his own blood. It stuck to him like an oil spill, pouring from wounds that were trying to heal themselves albeit very slowly. He wasn’t going to make it out of this; he was too hurt, too weak, too hungry, and outnumbered.
“I knew it,” Junghee giggled, her voice pitchy with murderous glee. “I could smell you all over her, you bonded with her!”
Jin said nothing. He wobbled, his chest rose and fell rapidly with angered breaths.
“Oh, how far you’ve fallen, Jin,” She sneered, “So high and mighty and look at you now. You’re no better than the rest of us - in fact you’re weaker than us! I’m so sick and tired of living under you and your rules, I think it’s time someone replaces that coven of yours. It’s time for a new jurisdiction.”
“I’ll give you one chance to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness,” He said with a deathly calm voice.
“I’m going to rip you apart and burn the pieces. And when I’m finished with you, I’m going to drain your little pet dry.” She said with a cocky grin.
Jin hummed in response, his head slightly tilting back as he thought. His eyes seemed to glow even more intensely in the dark, a ring of light shining around his irises as he spoke.
“That’s an interesting idea. Tear each other apart.”
You stared in shock as they immediately obeyed his command. It was mind-control, he could compel individuals to do his bidding. How many times had he used it on you and you had gone on unaware of it?
All four of them turned on one another, rushing at each other with abandon. It looked like they were marionettes, like someone else was controlling their limbs and forcing them to do as he commanded. You watched as the four of them attacked each other, clawing at their friends and prying their limbs from their bodies. The sounds were horrific. You could hear them screaming, crying, gurgling, and begging for it to end as they tortured one another. Black blood sprayed and stained their hands and faces as they ripped each other apart limb by limb.
Your stomach rolled at the sight, your wounds flashed hot with pain, and your ribs and ankle throbbed in sympathy as they violently mutilated each other until they couldn’t reach one another anymore - their limbs dismembered and useless.
You choked down the bile that threatened to escape your throat. They had tried to kill you, they were getting what they deserved. They were going to do the same to you and Jin.
Jin.
You caught sight of the vampire a few feet away from you. He had fallen to the ground after he had issued the command. His body was unnervingly still, his skin ashen and the sickliest pallor you had ever seen. He was dying, you were sure of it. That was something you had thought to be impossible for his kind but here he was proving you wrong. It was possible, but hard to do.
You felt a surge of adrenaline wash over you. You couldn’t let him die, he was your one chance to avoid that very same fate. You needed him just as much as he needed you. If you could help him then he would owe you. You could get the immortality that you were desperate for.
You cried out in pain as you rolled onto your side and crawled to him. Each inch you moved felt like you were being stabbed along the way. Your body was crying in protest but you were on a mission.
When you finally closed the distance between you, you could breathe a sigh of relief. He was hurt badly, but he was still “alive,” if not barely.
You grabbed him by his shoulders and slowly, painfully, dragged him into your lap. Your body threatened to crumble beneath his weight as you guided his head to the open wound on your neck. This was a risk, a really big risk. You were hurt badly and you had already lost so much blood, but you were sure that he would be able to stop.
“Come on, Jin,” You encouraged him, cupping the back of his head with your hand, “Come on drink, you need to drink.”
You felt a cool puff of breath on your neck, his nose slightly skimming over your pulse as the scent of blood pulled him out of unconsciousness. And as soon as he was awake, his predatory instincts took control. He lunged forward, wrapping you up in a vice like grip as he dug his fangs into the already open wound.
You hissed but held still, allowing him to get his fill. He was scarily inhuman at that moment. Jin had fed from you many times, but he had never been like this before. Silent, overbearing, and territorial.
Your eyes began to flutter, they were feeling incredibly heavy and it was becoming hard to keep them open. You had lost too much blood, you were still losing too much blood.
“Jin,” You croaked, “You need to stop.”
He ignored you and continued drinking, only digging his fangs in harder to force more blood from your throat.
“Jin please stop, please,” You cried, “You’re going to kill me!”
When you realized he wasn’t responding, that he was too enthralled by the feeding frenzy, you began to fight. You tugged at his hair, pushed at his shoulders, kicked at him with your good leg but it all was for nothing.
He let out an animalistic growl, squeezing you tighter before roughly shoving you to the ground and pinning your wrists above your head. He groaned in delight as your fighting ceased, as your blood flowed more easily into his waiting mouth.
You were fading fast, your visions steadily beginning to black out around the edges. He was going to kill you, and just like before there was nothing you could do about it. You were utterly helpless.
Your own desires would be your downfall. Just like Icarus, you had flown too close to the sun.
~~~~~~~
When Jin came to, he was confused.
He couldn’t remember anything after he had ordered Junghee and her coven to dismember one another. But when he became aware, he quickly figured out what had happened. Their corpses were sprawled about, their limbs still occasionally twitching.
And you were there, scarily still in his arms with the remnants of your blood on his lips.
He didn’t expect a wave of grief to wash over him. He hadn’t felt that even when his own family died or when he watched them mourn the loss of a son that never truly perished. But the sight of you, your broken body limp in his arms was enough to force a choked sob out of him. It was painful, it was complete and utter despair.
It was in that moment that he realized he did love you. In some horrific twist of fate, he loved you. He once thought that he would be able to kill you, then no one else could have you. But he didn’t anticipate the pain that it would cause him.
A soft, weak flutter halted all grief he felt. It was your heart. Your little human heart was still trying to beat. You could still be saved.
That was how he ended up here, with the only person he knew that could fix you.
“So, this is what you’ve been doing with all your free time.” Namjoon hummed, checking over your vitals.
Jin stayed quiet, nervously clenching and unclenching his fingers. At that moment, he understood what Yoongi went through. If he believed in karma, which he didn’t, he would have been able to appreciate it. This was what he deserved after what he put Yoongi and the fledgling through. But Jin was far more determined to keep you human than his “brother” ever was.
But it was undeniable that he could finally understand him. He finally knew what Yoongi was trying to protect him from all those years ago.
“Junghee really did a number on her. I’ve given her an awful lot of my blood to heal her wounds. It would just take one quick break, Jin. You said it yourself, this is what she wanted.” He mused.
“She’s my pet, nothing more. She’s useless to me as one of us, I want to make her last as long as I can.” He said with a warning glare.
“It’s useless, you know, lying to me. I could smell it on you the second you came through the door. You bonded with her, she’s yours now. Do with her what you will, but she will join us soon. Whether it’s you or me, well that’s entirely up to her. But I have a feeling she would let any of us do it at this point.”
“You wouldn’t-”
“Oh, but I would. Remember this, everything I do is for our family. You helped me with Yoongi, you understood then what I was trying to do. You can keep playing with her for a little longer, but she will join us. Don’t make me command you, Jin.”
Jin’s back stiffened, that familiar tug in his brain was there. That feeling that he needed to fulfill his creator’s wishes. And so, he bought himself some time.
“I don’t think it’s her you need to be worried about,” Jin said, that cocky edge to his voice back once more.
“Oh really?” Namjoon asked, leaning forward in interest.
“When was the last time you checked in on Hoseok?”
Namjoon’s brows furrowed in thought. Jin had got him, this was what he was good at - misdirection.
“Hoseok too?” He mumbled to himself. “Don’t you find it odd that this is all happening now? Yoongi and the fledgling, you and your pet, Taehyung and the little human he keeps in his studio, and now Hoseok? How interesting.”
He knew about Taehyung? But he hadn’t said anything about Jimin or Jungkook. He didn’t know everything. He had two more bargaining chips to buy himself more time.
“Watch over her, make sure she doesn’t hemorrhage. You’ve done a good thing, Jin. Thank you.” Namjoon said before briskly leaving the room - his office that now served as a hospital for you.
He wasn’t so sure that he had done a good thing. He was paying for what he had done to Yoongi now, what would come to him next now that he sold out Hoseok. And what about Jungkook and Jimin, what would happen when he revealed their secrets as well.
That was all he could think about as he waited for you to wake up. Namjoon’s blood was doing a thorough job. He was old and strong and because of that your body was mending itself incredibly quickly.
The only thing he hated was that you smelled like him. It was Namjoon’s blood in your body and because of that you were practically emanating his scent. Your normal heavenly essence was murky in the haze of his creator’s and it would take some time for it to dissipate. He was going to have to live with it for the time being. For now, he needed to figure out how he was going to protect you from the fledgling and from Hoseok. One was hungry and the other was certainly going to be pissed with him.
But if he could keep you like this for a little while longer it was worth it.
Your heart monitor was starting to accelerate, the beeping became loud and frequent. You were awake.
He slowly raised his head to look at you and he felt his stomach drop. You were giving him the thousand yard stare, your frail body tense on the mattress. You were utterly and completely frightened of him.
Your name left his lips in a hushed whisper as he stood, moving closer to your bedside. You shrieked and huddled into the furthest corner that you could.
“Stay away from me!” You yelled, crossing your arms over your chest in an attempt to block yourself off from him.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, his tone the softest it had ever been, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Let me go, I want to leave. I don’t want to see you ever again, I want to go home!” You were rambling now, every frightened word running out of you with a gasp.
“You can’t leave, it’s too late now.” He said apologetically. He had never apologized before.
“I want to leave!” You screamed again, “You tried to kill me! You said you wouldn’t but you did! You lied, you’re a fucking liar!”
“I’m in control now, that’s never going to happen again I swear.”
“You’re a fucking liar!” You screamed again, your words trailing off with a broken sob.
He had felt grief when he thought he had killed you, but now he was experiencing heartbreak. His first, genuine heartbreak. He thought seeing your lifeless body was bad, but this, this was somehow worse.
He was suddenly overcome with the urge to comfort you, to hold you. And so he tried. The second he picked you up you began to writhe, screaming obscenities at him and clawing at his skin. You were trying to do anything you could to get away from him.
The last time he had held you like this, held you this close, he had tried to kill you. Your body and mind were completely in survival mode now and you needed to get away from him.
But he wouldn’t let you budge. He pulled you into his chest and wrapped you in a tight embrace, pinning your arms in between the two of you so that you couldn’t hurt yourself while trying to hurt him. All you could do was scream and cry and writhe but eventually your body went lax when you realized it was pointless. There was no escape.
Your brush with death had only made you more frightened of it. You had met that dark, empty void and the void had stared back at you. What some might have found to be peaceful, you had found to be terrifying. And, as a result, you were terrified of Jin. He had brought you to that void and your body was certain he would escort you back.
“I’m sorry,” He finally said, the words not burning him like he once thought they would for the longest time. “I’m sorry.”
You sniffled as you limply laid in his hold. You could feel the soft touch of his lips against your cheeks, collecting your tears as they brushed by in the lightest of kisses.
“Never again,” He mumbled, “I promise.”
You whimpered once more, the word liar echoing in your mind.
“I’ll give you what you want, I swear. You’ll never be that close to death again, I’ll keep you safe. Just give me time.”
You slightly perked in interest. What you want…what you want. He’ll give you what you want. You tilted your head up at the same time he went to kiss your forehead, only for him to gently kiss you instead. He froze for a moment, still as a statue as he processed what he had done before he did it again, and again, and again. It was like he had discovered a new insatiable hunger that he couldn’t settle no matter how many times he tried.
“I love you,” He admitted so softly against your lips that you thought you had imagined it.
He loved you. He was going to give you what you wanted. You had almost died. He was a liar. Your mind was reeling.
“No one else can have you, not even death can take you away from me; because you’re mine, remember?”
#bts x reader#seokjin x reader#jin x reader#kim seokjin x reader#yandere#yandere bts#yandere jin#bts fanfic#yandere jin x reader#yandere kpop#yandere bts x reader#vampire jin#vampire jin x reader#yandere vampire#vampire bts#vampire bts x reader#predator universe#yandere vampire jin#yandere vampire jin x reader
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I srsly wasnt gonna make u go down a 🐇 hole but im too impatient so this is the 2nd... I give u five words: oral fixation and cum play,, guess who has it?? (Everyone tbh) but think abt it him telling u to keep his first load in ur mouth while pounding u to get his 2nd telling u not to spill it or swallow until his release and even then he would take it in his mouth only to spit it back in urs (ps should i be an emoji anon bc i know which one to use)
OOOOOOHHHH NOOOOOO :( NONNIE U ARE BACK !!! i swear u are the sole reason behind my existence rn asdfkjs i blame YOU for the fever i was running last nite !!! cause this is just... kajfhk this is SO GOOD
also worry not ,, there's a proper fic coming based on rabbit hole 2 TONIGHT </3 2.5 is in the works still but u know damn well i had to do these ideas justice. these are perfect i luv ur brain so much bbie !! also answering ur prev ask there's a small list of fav/hard no's when it come's to kinks !
i… have a certain ravenette in mind 4 this……………. but i am curious which one of the bllk guys u thought of mostly cuz!! you are so right i can see each of them being into that </3 can't blame them cause it really is the hottest idea EVER i am in looooove with cumplay :( sigh
cw: nsfw, cum play. 17- dni!
imagine rin holding a hand over your mouth so that nothing spills :( it gets even harder that way cause now you're also struggling to breathe properly with the way his large palm almost covers up your nose, too :( but the look in his eyes is enough of a motivation, you've let him down on this before and each and every time, you were rendered unable to walk properly for the next few days. you're on the verge of crying by the time he's groaning under his breath, pulling out and grabbing you by the ankles to bring you face-level with his cock.
"open," it's breathy and quick, desperate as he jerks himself, grip tight to mimic the feeling of your cunt. he would've thought it's impossible to feel any better than this, but as you obediently open your mouth, showcasing the pool of cum mixing with your saliva, he comes so hard his knees buckle underneath his weight.
and god he cums lots :( milky and runny and there's so, so much, cause he treats his body so well. your mouth overflows, a soft mewl slipping past your mouth along with a streak of cum as you watch him lose it. teal eyes hooded, mouth agape as he pants and grunts under his breath, rides his high out for all it's worth.
you'd think he was done - but the way his thumb reaches down to wipe away the cum that seeped out the corner of your mouth grants you the contrary. there's a glint of unease in your eyes, simply because you're just so worn out since you've been at it for what seems like hours - and he laughs a bit at the sight.
"fuck. who's my good girl?" it's sweet, a praise that you'll never get bored of and rin's aware. you whimper softly, the obvious answer almost rolling off your tongue - but the very next second your eyes are widening just slightly as he does the unexpected and goes for a kiss. filthy, eager and messy with the way his tongue dips past your lips and laps at your own, tasting himself all along.
you grab at his biceps, nails digging into the sturdy muscle, and you can sense yourself soak the sheets with need all over again.
rin groans into your mouth, hips dragging against the mattress despite his cock already bright pink with overstimulation, and grabs the back of your head. pulling you up to more of a sitting position, he deepens the kiss even more and renders you breathless. it gets your head dizzy and heavy with pleasure all over again, jaw slack as you let him take, take, take.
until he's had his fill.
he breaks the proximity between you two, a string of saliva mixed with his seed connecting your lips until he sits back on his heels again. it breaks off, makes him wipe at his chin with the back of his hand - the other already grabbing at your jaw to keep your mouth agape.
this has played out countless times before already, but doesn't fail to make you lightheaded anyway. he spits on your awaiting tongue, adding in to the mess of drool and two hefty loads of cum that have grown bitter on your tongue from the wait.
"good. swallow."
you only ever realize the breath you've been holding when your throat finally bobs, as you swallow the filth and almost choke with the way your lungs feel so tight from asphyxia. your mouth feels strangely empty as you stick your tongue out again, to show no sign of his cum anywhere.
only then does rin's shoulders roll back slightly, taut muscles finally relaxing with a shaky exhale. he's spent and you can tell - from the way his thighs have a slight tremble to them as he lowers himself down to lay next to you, strong arms pulling you on top of his chest.
"god i fucking love you." he breathes. "you know that?" there's an almost amused lilt to his voice as you nose at his throat - settling for a soft hum as your only answer.
of course you know - he makes sure you do, by all the filth he puts you through <3
#nonnie i'd say u could be the rabbit emoji!! cmon it makes sm sense hehe !#with u always throwing me down soooo many wonderful rabbit holes !#i'd say it'd be quite cute actually hehe >_<#thank yewww 4 blessing me with ur thoughts again I AM KISSIN U ON THE MOUTH#also ofc i made it abt rin cause who else#BUT imagine this.. this w/ reo.. OHHH GOD in a poly ship with nagi#YUM ???#anyways. i am about to fucking implode#rin itoshi smut#rin smut#itoshi rin smut#✩ rin.thirsts#blue lock smut#bllk smut#rin itoshi x reader#itoshi rin x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader
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5 10 Songs I'm Into rn
I was tagged by both @hythlodaes and @midnightmagicks so... I'm gonna list 10 songs instead because I have so many I always want to list for these. Not tagging anyone else because my memory is bad and I don't remember who all has done it anymore, but if you haven't and you want to do it, tag me in it and tell 'em I sent you! Under a cut to save your scroll wheel.
Orion by IVEEN
youtube
I had to go back and make sure I didn't list this one the last time I was tagged in this. Good news I didn't! So now I get to link it! Beautiful harp music and IVEEN has ethereal mermaid fairy vibes.
2. Glass Piano by Kathleen
youtube
Just a vibe tbh. Also like the stuttered lyrics.
3. I Don't Wanna Talk (I Just Wanna Dance) by Glass Animals
youtube
Sometimes it be that way, don't it? Anything by Glass Animals is good tho (as long as it isn't Heatwaves... Heatwaves is a fine song I guess but it's been overplayed on the radio so that kind of ruined it for me).
4. Dh’èirich mi moch, b' fheàrr nach do dh’èirich by Julie Fowlis
youtube
I do not speak the language, but I feel like you don't have to. It's a very pretty almost bittersweet sounding song. Like reminiscing on a once happy memory that was somehow made sad but still brings you peace.
5. Technicolor Beat by O Wonder
youtube
I guess it's appropriate that a song called "Technicolor Beat" would have a really nice beat and vibe to it.
6. Heart Worth Breaking by The Midnight
youtube
Did I maybe use a line from this song for one of my Wolship things? Perhaps... I've been obsessed with The Midnight since the first time I heard them. Very much "driving through the city in the 80s, the rain hitting your windows and the neon lights illuminating the night" vibes. Also highly recommend both Shadows and Vampires (for the sexy sax solos).
7. We Keep On Running by What So Not & TOTO
youtube
I... I'm pretty sure this is What So Not and The TOTO... like Africa TOTO. I've been obsessed with it lately tho.
8. Home by Katie Turner
youtube
I found this while looking for sweet sappy love songs that evoke a sense of yearning lol. It didn't exactly work for what I was looking for at the time but it def delivers on all fronts (and I am putting a pin in it as a "maybe" for later).
9. By and Down the River by A Perfect Circle
youtube
I've been vibing with my old high school era tastes in music again lately so that includes plenty of A Perfect Circle.
10. Soil by Cosmo Sheldrake
youtube
This one is a super new release! I'm always down for some Cosmo Sheldrake. The whole album project that this song comes from is pretty good from what I've listened to so far. Also Cosmo Sheldrake is now intrinsically linked to Erenville in my brain because nature and wildlife and the fact that I had his music on repeat for hours when I was drawing him one day so there's that. :)
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now reading 2ha vol 2
ch 55 - 71
… but the careless thought would fly through his mind and soon be lost, like the drizzle of rain falling into a deep pond.
Mo Ran’s entire existence put into words perfectly
1. now im sad 😭
Ahhh the way Shi Mei’s death is described is gut wrenching. I was so sad reading that. But yeah, at least there are more details to what happened. It seems like Chu Wanning couldn’t do anything to save him that day. Or rather, he had to choose. I feel like if he tried saving Shi Mei, he wouldn’t hold the barrier. So he chose, faithful to his principles. It ties to Chu Xun’s sacrifice that seems to be supposed to show how hard of a decision it must have been both on Chu Xun and Chu Wanning. My guess is Mo Ran either didn’t realize at the time that CWN had to choose one over the other or he couldn’t understand why he would sacrifice his disciple to protect all those people he himself doesn’t care about.
But damn that description hurt. Mo Ran’s heart was truly aching. And that comparison to a snowflake, equally beautiful and equally unimportant. Ehh
@thegreymoon if this is "moderate and usual amount of suffering" then i dont know if i want to continue!!!!
(jk, i like when it hurts 🙂)
2. Chu Wanning is even more awkward than i was in high school which should be considered an achievement
Tbh I like moments of Mo Ran’s longing for Chu Wanning. And how he reacts when he sees Chu Wanning finally after all this time CWN spend “in seclusion”. Its lovely, but also hes so dumb for not realizing. This whole whatever was going on between them during New Years Eve celebration was just lovely but also so awkward. Chu Wanning deliberately giving him a copper coin dumpling? Absolutely cute. But also so awkward and just 😬 Instead of finding thousands of weird ways to flirt maybe just tell him? Idk its an outrageous idea, but idk give it a try maybe?? And omg that awkward moment when he wanted to invite mo ran to watch fireworks but… yeah. I felt it in my bones.
3. Breaking news, Mo Ran, despite being 32 yo in 16 yo body mentally somehow ended up being 5
Sometimes it feels to me as if mo ran desired CWN not as a person but as an object. And he is even comparing him to an ugly box that nobody wanted with perfectly fine food inside. An ugly box only he himself dared to open to discover the treasure inside. And he is so childishly jealous when now that box is on display for everyone to look at. Its almost silly. But also yeah, its another time he treats CWN more like a thing he owns. And nobody else should see any worth in that thing, because its only his to consume. There is a fine expression in my native language for a person like that, and funny enough, its also dog related. But I couldn't find any translation that would convey all the nuisance. It’s for a person that won’t let anyone else enjoy a thing even if they themselves have no intention of enjoying that thing either. It reminded me of this quote:
Eventually, like a beast, he had known only one thing: that Chu Wanning was his. Even if he didn’t care for Chu Wanning, he was still his to sunder and to ruin.
And like… Right now, Mo Ran seems to me like an annoying jealous kid that wants CWN for himself out of pure spite. Because CWN never gave MR attention he thought he was owed or that he deserved. I want to punch him just a bit.
4. Shi Mei is totally Chu Wanning’s wingman
Like he always tries to show Mo Ran that CWN isnt all that bad XD And I won’t believe he didn’t realize after all those completely awkward confessions and random hand holdings that Mo Ran has feelings for him. Like I won’t believe he wouldn’t see right through him especially on that boat. And I think he is smarter than MR and saw that CWN isn’t indifferent to Mo Ran after all. I want to say he would be happy if they’d get together but BASED ON COMMUNITY’S REACTIONS i feel like i will look like a clown lol. But oh well thats my very biased impression of Shi Mei.
@rosemary-screams
Never back down never what? NEVER GIVE UP!
Also it dawned on me while reading that you’re totally right @02cm, Mo Ran totally is wasting his chances with Shi Mei. I mean it happened before but that boat scene striked me as so annoyingly obvious. Like, he knows Shi Mei dies after he gets back from that “summer camp” in peach blossom springs. Its not gonna be long till that day and he can’t be sure it won’t happen again. And he is waiting around, unable to express his feelings that he was supposed to be so sure of. Is it… perhaps… a live showcase of Mo Ran’s only two brain cells almost connecting? Almost! Not quite there yet, but we’re on the right path.
5. This book makes me feel disdain towards the characters and then feel bad for them in the matter of chapters njnjgviuvnjuigi im not well
I'm so heartbroken with the story of how Mo Ran was punished when he tried to steal the haitang flower for Chu Wanning because he had a crush on him. And CWN never let him speak and explain himself and punished him instead. I mean it’s kinda understandable but it makes me sad knowing that MR had such pure intentions... Also, that bedtime story about ox… Mo Ran sees himself in that boy? Because it seems like he always took the beatings no matter if he deserved it and nobody was kind enough to actually listen? And it seems like it will happen again now that he's being framed for murder.
6. Me when MR gave Xia Sini butterfly hair clip and made his hair:
THIS HAS NO REASON TO BE SO CUTE. Also i'm actually enjoying that smol Chu Wanning arc despite being weirded out at first. It gave CWN opportunity to be more relaxed around MR and the rest. And just like he can enjoy sweets as much as he wants without having to worry about losing his face, he can also just chill a bit because oh boy, my guy needed it so much
7. Someone really dislikes Mo Ran and is actively plotting his demise (which im not even surprised with). It’s either someone he already managed to wrong after reincarnating or someone of those many, many people he offended in his past life that somehow also got reincarnated into the past. What are the odds?!
Also, if Chu Wanning and Chu Xun are related (rather closely given how they look alike) and Chu Xun died and Chu Lan died and it seemed like there wasn’t anyone left out of their bloodline… how. Also what’s the self sacrifice gene because it clearly runs in this family.
#2ha#erha#2ha spoilers#the husky and his white cat shizun#erha he ta de bai mao shizun#now reading: 2ha#once again thank you for reading!
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Is campaign 3 worth watching 😭 im somewhere near ep 45 and there have just been so many arcs that do nothing for me. The stakes feel absurdly high for uhh level .. 6? and i thought it would get good at some point but if they still cant make a plan by ep 80 i dont think i care to waste my time 😭😭
yuhhhh i don't know man. the malleus key and the fallout of it is pretty dope, and idk how many spoilers you've seen so i'll leave it there. but after that it gets very boring again i can't lie.
you're so right about the high stakes!! these characters haven't had any space to breathe or grow since like episode 20 or whenever it was they found out about predathos and the world ending. they've been chasing a plot they're not ready for without doing any of the character work that makes you care about their goal. it's difficult to see why the party is together in the first place because they don't talk to each other or have any reason care about each other (except fearne/orym and imogen/laudna but the latter is so bland it's actually painful).
the party doesn't gel, there's no motivations from anyone beyond orym having a personal stake in it. imogen is so wishywashy about everything. none of them care about the gods except FCG, and no one in the party cares about FCG. except ashton, who is played so passively and unpleasantly that it doesn't even matter. there's no caleb/vax doing his biweekly checkins with each party member to unlock new dialogue. there's no fjord/grog to make a buckwild (yet thematically relevant) decision to direct the party in any direction. there's no driving force behind any of these characters like sorry liam and travis, turns out if you take a backseat to let your friends have the spotlight, they will do sweet fuck all!!
another problem i think is how they're given so many pieces of the puzzle at once, whilst the big bad is already in play. i don't know if that was matt's intention, but it's led to them barely following up on any character driven plot points because, well, the world might end. so any extracurricular character development is nixed in favor of chasing a maxxed out uberbaddy who is almost definitely going to kill them. any cool character moments kind of happen in spite of rather than thanks to the events, and honestly feel a bit forced sometimes because the characters have all been so stagnant for so long, and honestly the most interesting things about the characters are their backstories, which have already happened. their current motivations are a mystery and none of them seem interested in learning more about each other. it just feels very awkward and stale.
PLUS, the stakes are absurdly high but also there are no consequences for anything!! laudna dying didn't feel important because it wasn't permanent! because they can apparently just ask a member of vox machina for a resurrection!!! absolutely bizarre choice from matt to allow that, if i'm being completely honest. like sorry i know that's your wife but marisha should be 40 episodes deep into her backup character by now because there's absolutely no way anyone in VM would agree to resurrecting a delilah briarwood puppet let's be so serious. the party (especially imogen) dealing with a PC death would have made for some really interesting development, and would have created an opportunity for imogen to either take a leadership role to get revenge on otohan, OR break bad and turn on the rest of the party. some delicious pvp. but unfortunately laura doesn't seem to know what to do with her character and therefore does nothing, so it felt extremely flat and meaningless, which kind of sums up c3 tbh. some of the highest stakes but barely a PC who gives a shit.
the past say 10 episodes have been a slog for only a handful of cool moments, so i really hope post episode 82 it picks up a bit. plot is fun and situations are fun but i'm struggling to care about any of these characters because it doesn't seem like any of the cast care about them either. which is a shame because some of them have huge potential, FCG is literally an aeormaton!!!! my god you have GOT to get into it. why is no one getting into it!!!! will someone PLEASE pick up what sam is putting down!!! the payoff is always so good!!!
#also if i were matt i would ban the use of the guidance spell#some of them just seem to only care about rolling high and winning d&d#critical role
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i think dk and mingyu have somwhat similar personalities (and theyre my biases) so what do you think they would do the same and different in a relationship??
hi anon! i love this question! attempting to answer this almost feels overwhelming tbh, and i believe my answer just scratched the surface, but it was fun to think about and delve into. i’m def open to elaborating!
what immediately came to mind for a strong similarity is twofold: caring and awareness. i tell people that mingyu is the personification of acts of service. seokmin, from observation, WILL take care of, show up for and be there for the people he loves. i would say these are similar character traits. i feel like people’s souls are a color, and i’d say seokmin and mingyu are different shades of the same color.
in a relationship, they will know what you need even when you aren’t sure yourself. they will show you how deserving you are of love. they will make your genuine laughter a sound you hear often. they will be so incredibly comforting and secure; a safe place to land. they will not only be protective of you physically, but keep the safety of your spirit, heart, and mind as high priority. loving you makes them glow.
seokmin is more emotional and has questioned his worth which encroaches on your relationship sometimes. he’s such a light for others, but it’s not easy to let himself dim down and just be when he needs a break. you make it easier though. it’s taken time, but the progress is obvious. the love is sweet and wholesome and gentle. it’s your regular routine being uplifted by his presence, by the radiation of his kind heart
mingyu’s like a gentle hum that’s ever present and unwavering. he’s a presence that feels like everything you’ve always wanted. it’s grounding and strong and whole. it’s so obvious he wants someone to enhance his life and not fill in cracks or gaping holes. his confidence in the person you are and the passion he sees in you is electrifying, inspiring.
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not being in the sims community for a few years (computer problems, couldnt play) and then coming back only to see so many creators have their cc behind paywalls sure was a shock tbh. i dont blame ppl for having patreons for their cc in general, ive seen plenty of creators have patreons with all their cc for free; becoming a patron being just an optional way of supporting them. plus, im pretty sure patreon has unlimited space, so ig itd also be a good idea if u dont have/dont want to use sfs or other unlimited upload sites (also posting pics with the files is a plus)
some ppl tho are like, wild. ive seen ppl charging 20$ a month and only releasing like, at most 3 patron only things per month then complain abt their stuff being shared for free.... like, youre selling 3 items a month for 20$, which is the same price as the base game when it isnt on sale. plenty of ppl already dont pay for the game itself, do u think theyre gonna want to pay the same amount for 3 things??
yeah nonny I'm in the same boat, it was so shocking for me to come back to this lol. I never imagined this many people would have patreons. I think it wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't almost everyone. But here we are lol.
I remember when patreon tiers were $1 and you got access to everything. When I first saw someone with $3+ it was the most expensive I'd seen for maxis match early access cc, and it really wasn't worth it for that creator. Now it seems like so many people are $5 minimum??? And sometimes you don't even get access to everything? The cost has increased drastically and more importantly- the quality isn't there.
I've had a few items that I downloaded when it became free and tested in game and went, "thank god I didn't pay anything for this". Lack of LODs or proper maps, high poly, holes, improper weights, etc. All of this to me is fine for purely free cc (as long as there's nothing game breaking). But to me, for paid cc, early access or exclusive, is unacceptable. And there is no way to know what you're going to get, and if there's a problem, you're out of luck. It may not be fixed, and you're certainly not getting a refund.
And then there's the issue of the tiny mesh edits. I know for a fact there are many people, if they knew how simple the edit was, they would never pay for certain items. I am not paying anyone for 5 minutes in blender. I would honestly rather pay for a recolor than a lazy ass mesh edit. That's more time and effort than making a hair two inches shorter. You don't even have to edit the texture, just make hat chops, and sometimes not even that! I have literally made certain hairs in under an hour and I'm not even that experienced! Separated the werewolves stuff in around the same time. I made the necklaces I posted recently in a couple lazy afternoons, like ten minutes per. Of course it added up since I did so many at once, but nickel and diming per tiny mesh edit? The ratio of time and effort vs payment is ridiculous. There are so many talented creators that do amazing work that takes days, weeks, etc for free. And there are talented creators that do really awesome items for early access as well, that seem worth the money. So when I see that sort of cheap tiny edit thing... it feels like these creators are taking advantage of the consumer that may not know better. It's embarrassing.
If that $20 was for 3 things that took the creator 5 minutes each to make, wouldn't you be even more upset? And then imagine that creator has hundreds or even thousands of patrons. And doesn't contribute anything to the community other than paid content. No interaction, no gameplay, no chat, never existed before popping out of the womb with a patreon. It's insulting. Is this community just a cash cow? And people wonder why we're all so tired, even if it's following EA's rules.
#there are no enforced standards for this#that's an issue#asks#anonymous#ceci speaks#the patreon issue
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heyyy i just wanna know what's ur fave fic that's written by other author/s? and ur fave fic that u made? also i am in love with ur works <3
to be frank, i dont have a 'fave fic' i made tbh. i like them all when writing but the second i publish them all love for it leaves my body and i hate it almost instantly KSFNAF i literally cannot reread my own fics without shivering bro
AND I HAVE SO MANY FICS I LOVE OOH WAIT
white noise - THEEEEEEEEE BESTTTT ATSUMU FIC TO EVER FUCKIGNDSNGDEXIST. ITS SO AMAZING LIEK!£"? THE READER IS SOGDGJDGJDFJDSGHSJDGSIDGH SHES JUST LIKE ME BRO THATS WHY I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. reading this made me realise i need to attend therapy honestly. like seriously. no but srsly read this fic guys its a little long but worth it all the way
you're not the one - one of the best atsumu vs suna x reader fics i ever read tbh i reread this whenever i can. i love the fact they made split endings so u can choose which one u want and the fact that two boys wanted me had me 😎
pest like hat jingles? - THE BEST SCARAMOUCHE FIC EVER. like dead fuciing ass i read this in like 2021 when my scaramouche phased started and it didnt disappoint at all.
house of memories - bro this should like be the ideal ran fic . everyone that likes ran should have read this. NEED NEEEED TO READ THIS. ITS SO FUCKINGGJSHDGSDG URGHGFGIJFGFD I STG I COULD CLOSE MY EYES AND RECITE THIS ENTIRE FIC BY HEART BC OF HOW MANY TIMES I READ IT
handcuffs - one of the first sanzu fics i ever read oghymgfgjdfgidfgkdfgfogsdfjgidfgjdfgogfs im wiping drool as i speak rn
piece of work - this one inflated my ego so much while reading it. i felt like jane the virgin for whatever reason bro love it so much
set the bar high - another great atsumu fic slow burn enemies to lovers literally evetryhting i need in a fic
a bit yours - im a little obsessed with atsumu ignore me shafheujsdgsdgejse LOVEEVET THISSSSSSSSS OS MUCHCCJ i read it like two years ago but i go back and reread anytime i can
all i want - same author as the atsumu one above. osamu needs some love too skjgfgthis the fic for u
and then there was you - platonic bsf rindou also deserves some love (rans in there too and i screamed) anyways.... the reader has so much personality in this i felt like i was watching tv its so GOOD
catching up - ran and sanzu threesome.....thats all i need to say
the breaking point - read this in 2020 and made continue to do so every other week.
passenger - JGSDUIBNHJ STRANGER RAN TO LOVERSNGJSDGNDGSFGJGDFGJGSJKJ
4play - im not a slut i swear (proceeds to read a foursome)
to have and to hold - toxic ex eren.......kdjfskdjfsdkjsdgksjdgksdgjsdkgjsdkgsjdgsdigsdgsd poor colt tho tw infidelity
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finally found the time to watch generation loss and oh??? my gosh!????? i love ranboo’s stuff and i already had high expectations from hearing all the buzz about it but this totally blew me out of the park in a way i didn’t expect at all.
go watch it, even if you aren’t into ranboo it’s a great thing on its own. it starts a little slow but that’s on purpose!! just trust the process, as they say <3 (i’m using that in the wrong context i know but shhhhh)
anyway time to scream about it in an essay long post because i’m so incredibly normal about this series and not being a horror/arg nerd about it at all nope no way why would you think that ahaha.
[spoilers ahead! there’s only three episodes, all up on their vod channel and about an hour each! it’s so worth a watch!!]
okay, so, episode one was nothing like what i was expecting right off the bat.
i’ve seen the stuff on the actual genloss channel, and i figured it would all be sort of that vibe. imagine my surprise upon seeing ranboo sneeg and charlie being a little bit silly in a cabin in the woods (and also christian hell? for some reason?). i stuck through it, though, no matter how taken aback i was. it was so worth it in the end, but i’ll get to that later teehee <3
the cyoa aspect was cool! i wish i had been there to see it live, because i’m the biggest sucker for choice based stories and arg-style games.
not much more to say abt ep1, to be honest. just know that it’s definitely a completely different vibe than what you’ll probably expect (ranboo said this was on purpose!!). oh also i love squiggles he is everything to me. a little guy. a blorbo even. even if he uh, did turn out to be evil like i originally suspected.
ep 2! this one was almost equally silly in nature, but you can see the “cracks” begin to show a lot more in this one. (“why is cracks in quotes?” you may ask. well, iykyk, and if you don’t, watch episode three.)
the puzzler was great, i think it was hilarious that the mask was basically just how he looked anyway. the beginning was a good hook, i genuinely thought we were getting into the juicy stuff when ranboo was locked in the chair.
when he found charlie, i’m ashamed to admit that i didn’t expect charlie’s guts to be slime. that’s his thing. he’s a goopy gushy guy. i should’ve known. anyway. the part where the “illusion” starts to break and the slime turns to blood for a moment?? DELICIOUS. SO GOOD. MWAH.
NIKKI’S SUDDEN SWITCH IN HER INTRO ON THE CAROUSEL????? so good. everyone’s acting was incredible tbh especially in ep 3, i’m so happy. the silly death dialogue from ethan was great (until it wasn’t. iykyk, i’ll get to it), too. THE HAT BIT??? WHERE THEY REPROGRAMMED SNEEG??? AAA?????? so in love with this episode, it was the perfect transition to the hell that is ep 3.
okay so. ep 3. where do i start omg. i guess at the beginning, that makes sense.
i was really excited to finally have a name for hatch! honestly, even though my villain-senses were sounding off all sorts of alarms in my head, i was fooled for a short while as he was guiding ranboo. learning about the drones was interesting, too. lots of good lore built around the company and those guys! very cool ^^
WHEN RANBOO WENT AGAINST THE AUDIENCE AND CHOSE THE YELLOW CODE. IM RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT AND AWE,,,,, UHHHH YIPPEEE???? I GUESS????? that was the thing that really set me off about hatch being maybe not so great. good stuff!!!!
ranboo finding the streamers pretty much locked in those mall restaurants!! AND CHARLIE DOING AN ACTUAL STREAM DURING IT!!!!!! gah, this series is so cool!!!!!! them constantly on the run from the drones and security (TERRIFYING monster, btw, i love when evil dystopian corporations have monsters as security <3) was so wild to watch. i don’t think i’ve been that anxious for the main characters of a series for quite some time.
them seeing the cabin set. ohhhhh my gosh. and then charlie dying (? presumably) at the hands of security before ranboo hits the button to stop everything. graaagh i ate that UP. again i’m running out of ways to express my love for this series lmaoo.
the “ending.” oh my goodness the fakeout “ending.” i was so thrilled, so happy for ranboo i let my guard down and was like “yes!!!! evil bad guys stopped woohoo!!! get this guy some rest and therapy!!!”
and then they bowed.
when i tell you i GASPED. like it was my fault for not checking the time on the video and having my guard down but i GASPED.
hatch letting the audience choose if ranboo lived or died. hearing ranboo scream and beg to be set free, and then beg to die…. i genuinely teared up. despite the rather grim choice to have them die, i think it was for the best. though i do wonder what would have happened if the votes stayed 50/50….. if anyone knows if ranboo has talked about that anywhere, do let me know! if not, i’ll shoot them an ask about it, because i’m sure it would’ve been interesting.
anyway, this series was so much cooler than i ever could’ve imagined. i was already invested in the stuff on the genloss channel, like i mentioned, but seeing the project for myself and getting to watch this incredible series was breathtaking. i’m a huge nerd for dystopias and horror, and ranboo somehow nailed combining them both with great comedy and a great story.
and i’ve heard it’s been nominated for an emmy? or something???? that’s literally so cool!!!! i wish ranboo the best of luck in future projects, genloss was a fantastic watch and i can’t recommend it enough <3
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Hello hi longtime lurker first-time asker, I am very sorry that your inbox is being filled with people being not nice about the whole...everything going on right now :-/
I know essentially nothing about boats and sea related stuff and I am always in the mood to hear about someone else's special interests, so do you have a favourite interesting or positive (inasmuch as facts about shipwrecks can be positive) fact related to that topic?
I love that story about the people on the Carpathia (because it's kinda heartwarming and bittersweet in the middle of a tragedy) but that's literally all I know about any kind of big boats tbh (also as well I would love to know what got you interested if that's okay to ask??)
aw thank you anon <333
its probably a bit cliche but my favourite ocean liner ever is the ms stockholm.
unfortunately, there arent too many good quality photos of it back when it was first launched in 1948 since you know, it was 1948. but its this beautiful, sleek ocean liner. she was the smallest passenger liner on the north atlantic run in the 50s, and idk, i just love how she looks. theres a lot of ocean liners that looked gorgeous like the ss france or ss united states, but they were both still a bit too bulky for me. compared to the stockholm which was just perfectly balanced for her small size.
you might also notice the very angular bow (front bit) and she had that bit because she sailed near the arctic sea so she needed a strong bow that could break ice.
unfortunately, it also broke a ship. im not gonna get into all the details of the collision between stockholm and the ss andrea doria, but off the coast of nantucket in july 1956, the stockholm collided at an almost 90° with the andrea doria.
this happened due to three reasons: fog making it harder to see, the stockholm sailing in the wrong lane (ships have ocean lanes like cars have roads) and the andrea doria attempting a starboard-to-starboard passing to avoid the collision despite the accepted passing being port-to-port.
(imagine youre about to walk into someone. if you both take a step to your respective lefts, that would be port-to-port. its starboard-to-starboard if you went right. but say you went right and they went left, youd collide)
the collision caused the andrea doria to begin to list to port and eventually shed capsize. the list made half the lifeboats unusable, but the crew of the stockholm were already rowing over in their lifeboats.
and the cherry on top was the arrival of the ss île de france, who took on the bulk of remaining passengers and was labelled the hero ship.
out of the 1705 people aboard, 1655 people survived. a much higher survival rate to titanic.
like the titanic wreck, the wreck of the andrea doria is the gravesite for the 51 who didnt make it. their bodies were never recovered.
unfortunately, the wreck is a popular diving spot and looters have taken everthing worth anything from the wreck over time. and even more unfortunately, at least 22 divers have died on the wreck.
once again, these wrecks should be protected by law like the fitz is or like the uss johnston is.
also, the collision completely crushed stockholms bow:
but away from the tragedy of the collision, the stockholm went on to have a very successful career. shes had 12 different owners and 12 different names:
stockholm
völkerfreundschaft
volker
fridtjof nansen
italia i
italia prima
valtur prima
caribe
athena
azores
and astoria
she was also sometimes labelled "the ship of death" due to the collision with andrea doria.
in 1989, 41 years after her launch, she was sold to star lauro lines and was converted into a cruise ship. and considering shes currently still up for sale today, she must have been a very reliable and very good cruise ship.
when she was known as athena, she was attacked by pirates in 2003. the crew prevented the pirates from boarding by firing high pressure wate Mr canons at them, but at one point twenty-nine pirate boats surrounded her. and then she was just fine and carried on with her voyage to australia m
in 2009, she got detained in france because the company had unpaid bills, and it just makes me cry laugh when they detain a whole ass ship. i just imagine some officer trying to handcuff a ship.
after the quick dip into the criminal world, she continued to sail until 2021 when she was bought by a company planning to convert her into a hotelship.
afaik, the plans were scrapped and shes back on the market, so if you somehow have the money to buy a boat, the stockholm/astoria is up for sale.
and it is fucking wild to remember that the ship that sank the andrea doria in 1956 is currently on the market and might be fixed up and ready to continue sailing.
the carpathia is a story that almost always makes me cry because its such a good example of the good that humans do. the carpathia sailed through an icefield at night at top speed, despite being much less safe than the titanic, to get there. its both heart-breaking and heart-warming.
i had a phase as a kid where i really liked big boats as well as whales and sharks, but im an afab trans guy and many family members did not think it appropriate for me.
i got back into during lockdown actually. im pretty sure i was lonely because me and my flatmate were trapped at least two hours away from our families and i hadnt seen my mom in so long. back in my first year of uni, i called her everyday.
and so there i am, feeling lonely and also being insomniac at like 3-4am maybe, and i dont know what made me think of it but suddenly i was thinking about the titanic and how lonely it must be down there all alone. im the poster kid for object empathy. and then i was just as lonely like i was reflecting that loneliness onto myself and i was near tears and just couldnt sleep.
so i gave up on sleep and realised i needed to distract myself to feel better so i just started looking up shipwrecks and ghost ships and all manner of these things. and then suddenly im watching every documentary i can find, every video on youtube and im reading someones very long essay explaining why the titanic olympic switch theory is wrong.
and here i am. it started as a hyperfixation and developed into a SpIn, and then when i could finally visit my mom and brother, i made them watch disasters at sea on the tv.
if you ever wanna learn about this sort of thing, disasters at sea is a good show to watch (its all on youtube) and oceanliner designs and big old boats on youtube are very good channels for beginners.
thank you for this ask anon <333 i really enjoyed infodumping about my favourite ship.
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Born to Live | Part 1
So it begins!
Don't worry, you haven't missed anything- this is the very first part of a possible series I plan on doing, I just like opening things in the middle of the action for some reason. Some sort of prologue may happen, but nothing is guaranteed haha
(This one ended up kinda long, I hope you all enjoy!)
CW: Beating, shocking, broken bone, hand whump, head trauma, defiant whumpee, nonchalant whumper, reluctant whumper (more like an accomplice tbh)
Let me know if I missed anything!
When he wakes up again, Torin still finds himself tied to the chair.
He can't feel his hands- they had gone numb from when his captor tightened his cuffs after his stunt yesterday.
Torin grinned.
Seeing that ridiculous, furious expression on his captor's face was more than worth it, even if his shoulders burn from where they're pulled behind him and his hands have lost all circulation.
He was so close to getting out. It was right there, the door was right there, but he got tackled before he could have made it. His nose still aches from the right hook he couldn't dodge in time.
He shifts in his seat when he hears footsteps approaching his cell door. He leans back with his head held high. If it weren't for the dried blood around his nose and the tension in his aching shoulders, he might even look relaxed.
The door opens.
Torin meets his captor's eyes, and keeps staring until the guy breaks eye contact.
"Good morning to you too, I guess." Torin mutters under his breath.
There's someone else behind him, someone Torin hasn't seen before.
He's wearing a black mask that covers his mouth and nose. Torin scoffs. At least one of them is competent enough to hide their identity.
The new guy walks around behind him, and Torin twists around to try and keep him in sight. A hand comes to hold onto the backrest of the chair, but nothing else happens.
Torin turns back around to face his captor again.
"Ah, so you do have friends after all," he says and grins when his captor shoots him a glare.
He knows he should probably be at least worried, but taunting the guy was so immensely satisfying when it was so easy to get him riled. He barely has to put any effort into it before the guy resolves to throwing hands.
It was smart of them to bind him. He would have beat the asshole to hell and back by now if they hadn't; His last escape attempt made that painfully clear.
"I'm glad to see I didn't dampen your spirits too badly. At least I won't be the only one having fun today." his captor comment off-handedly.
Torin rolls his eyes.
Another hand joins the first on the back of the chair, moving to hold either sides of the backrest. Torin barely has time to register the movement before a fist connects with his temple, sending his head creening to the side.
The chair rocks with the movement, almost toppling over.
Almost.
Torin coughs, dizzy and disoriented. His vision swims and the taste of copper fills his mouth. He spits blood onto the concrete floor.
A hand grabs him by the hair and pulls him upright again. His shoulders scream at him, and if he didn't know better, he might have thought they got pulled out of their sockets.
The hand lets go of his head with a shove and through his unfocused vision, he sees a figure retreating towards a dark shape near the door.
It's a duffel bag.
Torin's stomach rolls and he grits his teeth to fight back the creeping nausea.
The bastard brought his toys this time.
He finds himself grinning, despite everything. His suspicion that the guy didn't have any powers just got confirmed, and he rasps out a laugh.
This guy really kidnapped him and tied him with power restricters so he could have his own stupid power trip?
Fucking pathetic.
The hand in his hair returns, yanking his head up to face his captor. Torin really needs to find a name for him besides bastard and asshole. It's starting to get very repetitive.
"What's got you chuckling?" he sneers, "You seem to be in an awful good mood."
Torin grins, flashing blood stained teeth.
"I was wondering why you got the special stuff out for me," he says and rattles the power restricting cuffs keeping his hands bound. "I was starting to think I was somehow special. Turns out you just felt inadequate."
The second hit comes just as quick, but at least this time he was expecting it.
His captor shakes his hand with a disgusted scowl.
"Are you still going to talk back, or are you going to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut?"
Torin pulls himself up this time, leaning heavily against the figure behind him. His breathing has become labored, his heartbeat pounds in his ears- it makes it hard to think, to get his words in order, but they come tumbling out regardless.
"Why don't you hit me again and see what happens?"
His captor looks up behind Torin to exchange a look with his accomplice.
Whatever the verdict ends up being Torin is none the wiser, still focused on getting his breathing in check. He watches as the guy walks away, back to the duffel bag- this time, he does take something out, holding it in plain view.
"Do you know what this is?" he asks, hitting the object against his palm a couple times. It looks like a baton, but narrower with two metallic prongs sticking out at the end.
Torin knows exactly what it is.
"The stick you keep shoved up your ass all day?"
The next hit does topple him over with the chair. His head bounces off of the concrete when he lands on his back and something cracks. Dark spots dance in his vision. He struggles to breathe for a few agonizing moments.
The pain in his shoulders flares up again, the hard metal of the chair digging into his arms where they're being crushed beneath him. He sucks in air through his teeth, refusing to make any noise. He won't give that bastard any sort of satisfaction.
He stares up at the ceiling until a figure blocks his vision, leaning over him. His eyes are having a hard time focusing.
It's the guy in the mask.
The two stare at eachother for a few moments, but then the guy straightens up and turns away.
"Still conscious. Probably got a concussion or something. Want me to stand him up?"
Torin closes his eyes. He can feel a headache forming already, radiating from the back of his skull until it feels like his head might split open. He may be bleeding. He has no way to check.
His cheek throbs painfully, and he can feel something warm dripping down his face towards his hairline.
He gasps as his world turns on it's axis, and suddenly he's upright again. He sags forward in the chair trying to catch his breath and fight the vertigo that makes his world spin.
It hurts.
Everything hurts and the pain makes him nauseous and he wants it all to just fucking stop. He wants to go home. He wants to see his sister again.
Something cold pools in the pit of his stomach.
Torin knows that feeling, and the sudden reappearance after days of it's absence catches him off guard, sends shivers down his spine.
This shouldn't be possible- the power restrictors make sure of that, and yet there it is, that electric buzz just under his skin as his power gathers in his core.
He wiggles his hands, and realizes that they're no longer held as tightly as before. The link that held the cuffs together jingles loosely as he moves around.
He blows the hair that's fallen onto his face away, glaring daggers at his captor where he stands.
He glares back. He tests the cattle prod by clicking the button a few times; the prongs light up with blue sparks that crackle loudly. Torin shudders.
"You know, I have to admire your resolve. I expected you to have given up already, but I suppose you're just a sucker for pain."
Torin holds his gaze as he walks forward, refusing to break eye contact. He grits his teeth as the metal prongs press into his ribs, and braces himself for the inevitable shock.
It's worse than he was expecting.
It burns. He throws his head back as a scream rips from him, muscles convulsing from the waves of electricity coursing through his body.
It lasts entirely longer than it should. It squeezes the air from his lungs and by the time it ends, Torin struggles to catch his breath. His entire body tingles with pins and needles. His ears ring.
There's a hand on his face, tapping his cheek roughly to get him to focus. He wants to fucking break it, finger by finger.
"What, one little shock and you're out?" His captor asks, and Torin doesn't need to see his grin to know it's there. He groans and forces himself to lean forward again. His ribs scream at him.
"F.. f-fuck off.." he slurs. He hates that he sounds so weak.
He can feel his hands again, he realizes distantly. The pins and needles have spread there, too, and he can finally move his fingers again. The cuffs are still too tight, but what if...
He's never done this before. He doesn't even know if it'll work, but the buzzing under his skin has only intensified since. If it weren't for the fucking cuffs, he could be out of here already.
His captor is saying something again. Torin tries his best to pay attention.
"I always thought you empowered bastards were tougher, what with all the shit you have to go through to get your powers. I suppose you're just the exception."
"Wh.. what are you.. 'n expert? You're th' one that has to— use tools 'n shit.." he wheezes past the burning in his chest. He shifts in his seat, rolls his shoulders to distract from the movement of his hands-
He takes a deep breath through his nose to steel his nerves. He can't back out now, not when there's a chance for him to fight back. Who knows when he'll get another opportunity like this? He only needs one functioning hand to break in some teeth.
Torin places his thumb on the base joint of the other one. His hands shake, but that's fine. It's his left hand- the non-dominant one.
He only needs one good hand.
Jesus fucking Christ it hurts so bad—
His captor is talking again, but Torin can't hear anything beyond the ringing in his ears. His vision flashes white for a moment as the pain shoots up through his arm, and it burns, it hurts so fucking bad he can barely breathe—
A harsh slap brings him back to his senses.
A hand grabs his jaw and holds it in place as his captor leans in close. Rage burns in his eyes, but Torin can't find it in himself to give a shit.
"Don't fucking ignore me."
"..Wouldn' dream of it.."
He can't back out now, not when he's come this far. It's still a tight squeeze and the pain is nauseating, but the cuff slides past his wrist and off of his hand with enough effort.
Torin doesn't waste a second of his newfound freedom.
He lunges at his captor.
#whump#whump writing#hero whumpee#defiant whumpee#nonchalant whumper#is that a tag?#it is now ig#A Writes#Born to Live
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My burden and well maybe first and last post
welp, worth a try
Hi, I'm "J", 23 yo.
Guess this might be worth a try since I'm running out of options.
Background info: I have heavy depression, and got diagnosed with multiple personality disorder with a strong tendency towards BPD (Borderline). I never had consistent suicidal thoughts. They came impulsive during high trigger situations a few times.
Just half a year ago I had the best time of my life. I was clean from my 1 1/2 year long addiction to drugs. I had the best gf I could have ever wished for. I had fun at Uni. I had good friends. I was happy. Or so I thought. My BPD kept making the relationship go into a crisis. My gf had ADHD and quiet-borderline was to be diagnosed. But I never found out til this day if she actually has it. Well, now I don't have a gf, lost most of my friends, my heavy depression is back and either my emotions aren't available for weeks or they come back like a train hitting me straight on and make me cry and brake down into panic attacks multiple times daily. I can't sleep. I don't feel happiness. I cannot enjoy a single thing. I either eat too much at once or not at all. After the break up I got sent into a prison-like psychiatric clinic for 3 nights. It was the worst time of my life. I never before have truly felt the way I did back then. That is almost 3 months ago now. Afterwards got a place in a clinic for mental health which was rlly nice tbh. I had a nice room. Nice ppl. Got a nice therapist. After a few weeks therapy finally started to help and I felt emotionally more stable after my 2 months stay. Now I am "free" again. Two weeks have passed. I can't stop thinking about my ex and the friends who were in the same circle. They all keep in contact with her, but they never once came to visit me or texted me during my stay in the clinic. Not once. In two months. I had to text them. Now they all barely answer to my texts. I do still have some rlly good friends left. But somehow I can't get over the things I have lost. And I am still desperately in love with my ex partner. She was the best person I have ever met. But she has blocked me everywhere. My emotions were gone for the last 2 weeks of my stay in the clinic. They came back a week ago. Well rather they came back on my birthday. When the hope had rissen up that my ex would text me. But no, nothing. During my stay in the clinic we had an on/off thing. We met, we slept with each other. But suddenly she cut me off completely saying it over for ever. She realised we weren't good for each other and that was it. Well, my opinion was that we could heal through therapeutic help and try it again. But she never answer to that. That was the moment I went into shock and kinda lost all my emotions. As I said, these came back on my bday. Especially the last hour of it. I had a huge panic attack and a gigantic borderline trigger, where it felt like i was going insane. I tried to desperately contact her. But she blocked me off even in the last possible way I had to get into contact. She saw my calls, but she cut them off. That was it. My emotions finally got broken. Now i am sitting here and contemplating if its worth living, when my only two choices are being emotionally unavailable and basically just acting under a facade or to be emotionally broken and depressed to an extent where I am pretty close to taking my own life. I tried before but got stopped. I think this might be the time where I'll get it over with. Well. If neither a clinic, nor meds, nor my mum and not even my good friends can stop me from feeling and thinking this way...who can? Will this ever stop? I have been depressive for years. 4, maybe 5 years. My BPD is hindering my emotional stability. I don't know what to do. I think live is beautiful. And I know people can heal. I know time can heal. I know I should just cut contact and concentrate on the things I have. I learned so much in the clinic. I know others would take this opportunity to heal. Other ppl are strong. But I don't think I can. I am scared of myself. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of what anyone says. I am scared of what anyone thinks. I am scared of what I think. I am scared of what I can do. I am scared of what I could become. I am scared. I am broken. My trust is broken. My emotions are broken. And I have seen better days in these dark times. But they were always overshadowed. I give up. Maybe. Well....
"X", I love you. I hope you are able to heal. I hope you got the help you needed. I hope you will find the happiness that you deserve. You were the first person in my life that I could be myself around completely. The first person I ever truly loved. You helped me through heavy depression, addiction and pain. Now I hope you get the help you need and never have to feel the way I did or now do. I wish you all the best.
To anyone reading this: I hope your are having it better than me. I know this sounds weird for me to say, but... if your are going through somethings, ask for help. Someone will help. There is nothing more important than your mental health. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever challenges your are facing <3
If this isn't my last post, then something must have happened and well..I'll post an update then.
Maybe goodbye, maybe not.
J
#last hope#burden#depression#mental health#last words#idk anymore#idk why i'm making this#;#are these even necessary
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hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.
i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.
i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.
after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.
wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.
anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!
AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...
I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol
I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet
I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)
cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade
Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.
again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST
I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍
I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated
It's been. So Fun
I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,
anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).
but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.
I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...
I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....
it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3
I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.
thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭
#ive been saying since like thriller bark how excited i am to get caught up andYea. its even stronger now#misqnon's one piece liveblog#im going to be going insane as we enter wci and posting more reactions most likely so.#hope u emjoy that 👍#microphone effect#replies#asks#march anon
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tbh, goatlings, compared to another online game called pokéfarm q, is kinda bad??
like, with goatlings the news feels kinda drab and like a bore. most of the time, when I check the news, I don't really feel anything. just. boredom? maybe it's because of how unimportant and same-y the "updates" in the news are.
on pfq, I actually feel excited to read the news!! whenever I see the little notif that the news updated, I always check it excitedly!! from updates on what's being worked on, to events ( which I'll get to in my ask ), idk. I get a swell of joy checking the new news on pfq that I don't get with goatlings!
the gameplay for pfq is also particularly well-done! there's almost always things to do. hatch pokemon eggs from the lab, adopt pokemon from the shelter, fulfill personal goals, send your pokemon on scours to obtain items ( as well as credits and treasure chests, which you could possibly get rare items from ) !! you also get stuff when you reach milestones in your eggdex and pokedex! which is even better as it got an update to have better items given as rewards! I could go on and on with how much there is!
and speaking of events!! there's seasonal events, ofc, for halloween and the holidays and the like, but sometimes random events will also happen ( like the last one was a surprise! )!! it can be a bit more difficult for new people still learning how the game works, but that's how it is for any game. not to mention that the prizes, often special pokemon and special items, really make the event worth it!
there's also tasks! they aren't required, but there's only four to do and they're pretty easy { hatch a pokemon egg, make 1k interactions, log in and complete a scour } you get rewards for them all once completed and on the 5th day, you get a higher prize! it isn't required to do, but it's not stressful and it's ok to break the chain as well! I struggle with motivation but I'm still able to complete my tasks on pfq.
I know you shouldn't compare two different games, but how high-quality pfq is compared to goatlings' frankly repetitive gameplay ( the only time I really play is during the halloween event... that's really it.. ) is just. astounding. I don't think goatlings should try to be pokefarm q, but I REALLY think they could take some notes on the game. ( especially since goatlings seems to neglect everything else in favor of adding more appearance dolls and items. I honestly think goatlings would be better if they shut things down for a while to work on the base game itself, with player input, instead of trying to pump out ADs whilst ignoring everything else. and also work on the rules and what constitutes a ban and a warning )
anyways, ending my rant here! ( also hoping that spacing the parenthesis and letters make it easy for people to read!! )
🐾
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AGRHRHHAHAHAHA SUMIRE MY LOVE MY LIFE MY CUTIE PIE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
cw; charoc, deprezone mentioned every 2 minute bc im miserable and I cannot shut up im so sorry. Also sorry if I sound super OOC and goofy, im fucking high and hormones are acting up 🥹
Almost 2 months worth of waiting well deserved, I can feel my deprezon disappeared instantly (it does not) 😭😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
Ok 1 cms finally got updated, only 2 more in line 🥲
Also since ion wanna make a seperate post and I don't think i will be finishing these anytime soon, heres my supposed to be LNY + Haitham bday + Valentine all in one celebration packet.
I promise I did try to get out of bed instead of wasting and rotting away, I really did, but idk what happened either. I blinked and spring break is coming to an end already ueueueuru 😭🙏 (please ignore the broken perspective I'm not satisfied with the composition so I changed some parts without fixing it properly so-)
Good news is, I made it out of the confinements of my room on Haitham bday (yay!!!) (i love you Z i appreciate so much 🥹)
But rlly tysm Z you will never know how much I appreciate you, you really made my day 🙏
This girlie is being made into a mochi/stuffed doll?? idk keychain thingy. Since the seller doesnt rlly do the accessories imma do it myself when the bbg arrives home
Also 20+ merchs that I brought in like one day 🥲
Aaaand the fic that was supposed to be uploaded either on Haitham bday or on Valentine Day, but never got finished. The plot, the flow & which (and what kind of) stuff is going to be in it is all decided; I also did a smol study as well as a deep dive into Alhaitham's character (which tbh made me question even more than when I first started 🥹 I do have a draft rambling about his character & my take on his charac here but idk if I should post it, I feel like I ramble too much its annoying). But idk.
Maybe it's the hormones and periri go bvrrom bvroom thats making me more vulnerable and insecure, but I keep going back to proofread them, then rewrite a few sentences there and fix some phrasing then. Yet I keep feeling unsatisfied with the result and keep going back to beta it, and before I knew time's up 🥲
Honestly?
I hate being the object of someone else's jealousy/insecurity. I absolutely hate it. Everytime I catch the real intentions and tone behind someone's saying (which are envious directed at me), I can feel myself loathing increases a little more. It doesn't just simply feel like they are jealous of me, it feels like they hate life for being unfair and ultimately hate me too.
I have always disliked that.
Yet I keep feeling inadequate with everyone's expectations and ended up feeling insecure about everything and everyone in the process 🥲. Everytime I look at someone celebrating Haitham's bday or Feb 14th with Haitham, I cant help but feel a pang of jealousy. Is my love enough? Am I enough for him? Is it acceptable for me to do it? Am I even enough at all? Stuff like that. Then I cant bear to look at my fic, my art, or anyone else's fanwork for that matter.
I dont know anymore. I feel like this silly little fictional crush is dumb 🥲 Maybe I should just abandon everything then disappear to somewhere else to choke on mud and die
(/j ik im not mentally stable rn so im refraining from doing anything artistic at all, bc i know for a fact my perfectionist will kicks in 🥹 then I'll hate myself even more for not producing something up to my standards.)
(Psst. Beside my death cannot be that unsightly no? I'm perfect in everyone's eyes, my death should be pretti and adorned with flowers & ton of enviable accomplishments too :D)
KK.
P/s KK here LOOK AT HER LIL AHOGEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK DEPRESSION WHOS THAT MY OC IS SO CUTE 😭😭😭💖💖💖
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