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watchmakermori · 8 months

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rereading The Bedlam Stacks: my feelings six years on

until recently, I'd only read The Bedlam Stacks the once - back on release, within the span of a few days. I'd enjoyed it at the time, though not nearly as much as my beloved Watchmaker, so I thought it was time to go back to it and see how my feelings on it have changed.

back in 2017, I recall enjoying the first third of the book a lot, finding the middle section a bit slow, and thinking that the ending was a bit sudden. Having reread it again, my thoughts are similar in some respects - I still think that the pacing is strongest at the beginning, and hits a sluggish section once Merrick gets to Bedlam. My feelings on the ending are complicated, because part of me thinks that it's missing something, but part of me thinks it has the best conclusion of any Pulley book so far.

Bedlam is a difficult book for me to critique. There is so much that I love about it, so many isolated scenes and concepts that stick with me, and the prose is fresher and more beautiful than I remembered. The scene where Raphael turns to stone for 70 years is so beautifully, horrifyingly handled. The markayuq are a haunting, fascinatingly original concept. Merrick and Raphael, while hitting a lot of the classic Pulley duo tropes, stand out in many other ways - the fact that their romance is only implied, and left somewhat ambiguous, is actually a novelty against the context of her other works. They also feel more...mirrored than other Pulley pairings? Most of her romances seem to thrive on difference. Differences in class, in race, in intellectual standing, in physical strength. And obviously Raphael and Merrick have some of that, but they're also markedly similar in a lot of ways. Even though Merrick doesn't have Raphael's strength, he does have the memory of being a much stronger and healthier man. Both characters have a past of physical violence, and they are both shown to be capable of it in the narrative itself, as with when Raphael shoots the passing traveller and Merrick strangles Martel to death.

Their relationship to disability is also similarly mirrored, because both of them are haunted by old versions of themselves. Raphael is watching himself turn into a markayuq, feeling himself lose time and mobility, knowing that his transformation is impending and inevitable. Merrick also knows that he will never again be the man he was before his leg injury; he has to adjust to it, to work around it and accept that it has changed him. The acceptance of inevitability is a really interesting theme in Bedlam, which feeds all the way through Merrick and Raphael's central friendship. They don't really get the best of anything - they meet under bad circumstances, for less than a month, and they will never have enough time together due to Raphael's condition and a thousand other factors. But that doesn't mean that their friendship isn't worth something, that it isn't immensely precious.

So there's a great deal that I love about Bedlam on a thematic level, but I do think that the actual plotting of the book is quite weak overall. There are lots of isolated scenes that I love, but the connecting tissue is somewhat thin. The middle of the book involves a lot of waiting - waiting for the snow to clear, waiting for Clem to return, waiting for Raphael to tell Merrick the truth and take him beyond the salt line. Merrick does not have a great deal of intentional impact on the narrative, so it does often feel like you're sitting around waiting for the plot to come to him.

That's not to say that the plot needed to be bolder or bigger. It didn't need to focus more on the search for quinine. Honestly, I don't think high-stakes drama is one of Pulley's strengths - her forte is small interpersonal conflicts between select units of characters. In Watchmaker, the conflict and stakes don't really come from the lurking bomb threat or the police investigation - it's about Thaniel struggling with his own desires over the impulse to do the 'right' thing. Grace represents a more conventional path for him - a wife, a house, a future with children, and the money to look after his sister and nephews. But Mori is who he actually wants. And those warring desires come into greater and greater conflict as the story moves from beginning to middle to end. Thaniel's goals are not static.

But in Bedlam, there isn't that same sense of escalating tension and raising stakes. Merrick has his reservations about Raphael and whether he is dangerous, but ultimately, those reservations don't really change the decisions he makes. So much of what happens feels like it was always going to happen, which means that a lot of the tension feels somewhat...inorganic. Intangible. There isn't even the threat of discovery for most of the book, because Raphael knows exactly why Merrick is in Bedlam and Merrick makes no attempt to hide the truth. He keeps quiet about the threat of the army, but even if Raphael had discovered it sooner, it doesn't feel like it would've materially impacted how the story played out.

So it's a hard book for me to articulate my feelings on. The themes and concepts and characters and isolated scenes are excellent, but the story feels - just slightly - like it is less than the sum of its parts. At times, it seems more like a series of episodic events than a narrative, even if those episodic events are still deeply enjoyable.

But the ending is immensely powerful. The melancholy and the joy of it. The simple devotion of Merrick being there when Raphael wakes, 20 years later, with a cup of coffee - which was what Merrick had gone to make when Raphael first went into stasis. It is simultaneously an act of mundanity, and also an act of incredible loyalty and dedication - and love often does shine brightest in those small moments of devotion.

A while ago, I was lamenting that Pulley only ever gives us happy, cosy endings rather than something more tragic and bittersweet, but I don't think I was actually accurate on that. The conclusion of Bedlam is desperately sad, for all its loveliness. Because while Raphael and Merrick are reunited, we can't know how long they will have together. The story denies us that knowledge, that closure, by ending just as Raphael laughs.

I'm so glad I reread it. It is a bit of an odd fish next to all of Pulley's other works, and that makes me appreciate it much more with retrospect. This reread also reminded me, on a more general level, of everything I love about Pulley's writing - the sublime weirdness and the quirky characters and the nonchalance with which she handles speculative elements. For all her flaws as a writer, nobody is doing it like her, and I truly cannot wait for The Mars House.

#the bedlam stacks #natasha pulley #i do love her books because they always give me so many THOUGHTS #what's notable about pulley is that her actual broad arching plots do not tend to be what I remember about them #I don't remember a lot of the sprawling political stuff in pepperharrow #but I DO remember the aching internal conflict of thaniel desperately worrying that mori is not what he thinks #the smaller personal drama is where her books REALLY shine #so I think her work is at its best when she leans into that #as with watchmaker. the dramatic climax of grace engineering an explosion has barely half of the weight #of thaniel steepleton leaving his wife on his wedding night and going to kiss keita mori

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miraphoenix · 5 months

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Right off the bean, this is not a callout post. I'd talk to the person this is about 1-on-1, but a) he's had me blocked for 4 years, and b) it's mutual. This is me venting on my personal blog, something that he decided to vague about me doing back when I had my first blog.

With that out of the way. I'm really fucking tired of people stealing from Valenth/Revecroir, and from its creator.

Years and years ago, when they were a literal child, my bff/queer life partner--for the purpose of this post, their name is Leupai--made lizard-critters with hands on their tongues and called them leupaks. Eventually, they ended up splitting off from Subeta where they worked at the time, making an affiliated petsite called Valenth where the leupaks featured quite prominently as creatures in a fantasy-meets-steampunk world.

Unfortunately, their boss was a piece of work, and following a rather large kerfluffle involving another petsite lifting other elements of my partner's work (namely, a dragon concept and a companion concept), my partner was fired by the Subeta head boss. The leupaks were renamed into leupai, and Valenth expanded into Revecroir. This was in 2014, give or take a few months.

Through about half of the Valenth era and into the Revecroir era, Leupai was dating someone else, who went by Sixar at the time, later Kismeti, and the two had a long-distance open relationship. Kismeti also did a fair amount of site art for Valenth, and described himself as Leupai's biggest fan; when he'd met Leupai originally, his username referenced leupaks, he had a bunch of leupak characters, and a leupak sona. I met both of them in 2013-2014, right around the close of Valenth, and started chatting with them both. Leupai was more responsive, Kismeti was more reserved, but I did the best I could.

Over the years, I kept trying to reach out to Kismeti, but found that Leupai was honestly more willing to talk with me, so I did become better friends with them. Note that I was friends with Leupai, and trying to be friends with Kismeti. We chatted, we sent memes, we played World of Warcraft, I bought folks pizza across the Pacific Ocean, you know the drill.

Through this, I became really familiar with Leupai's world, at that point named Revecroir. I got to know their lore, their worldbuilding, their current projects, and the leupai creatures themselves.

The leupai were--and are!--still fat lizards with paws on their tongues, who can open portals between worlds with acid in their claws, who transfer their consciousnesses to other bodies if one is destroyed, and whose strength comes from the realm of dreams and creativity. In the early days, in lore that wasn't publicized, leupai were roaming around to find a world to live on after Valenth. This was a project that was supposed to be worked on with Kismeti, but nothing really ever came of it. Eventually, Leupai kind of moved on from that storyline to write more about Revecroir itself.

At the same time, I tried asking Kismeti about his worldbuilding, because he had characters and allegedly a world of his own, but didn't really get a lot in the way of answers. I saw a lot of Sonic fanart, I saw a lot of homestuck, I saw a lot of MLP:FiM, I saw a lot of Captain Planet. Eventually, I kind of... Gave up asking? And that's on me, but frankly, if you ask someone to share their stuff and they don't share their stuff, I figure that's the signal to stop asking.

As time went on, though, I was seeing some cracks forming in the 10-year relationship between the two, and I was helping Leupai through a lot. I watched as he yelled at my best friend for not responding to messages fast enough. I watched as he made plans with Leupai and then fucked off to do other things for hours, leaving Leupai in the lurch and worried about his physical safety. I watched as he gaslit Leupai about their ability to use a computer. On one memorable instance, when Leupai's internet was unstable while we were all playing WoW together, Leupai left the voice call to go reset the router, and Kismeti decided that it was a great time to shit-talk Leupai's intelligence to me. For a half hour straight. Until Leupai rejoined the call.

Eventually, I visited Leupai in person and watched as they were broken down to tears by Kismeti failing to respect their boundaries for literal hours, until Leupai caved to Kismeti's preferences. That was a rough night, and I remember wondering why the fuck my best friend's partner was treating them so badly.

About a month and a half after I visited Leupai, they decided to break up with Kismeti, because they'd had enough of him verbally berating them for not responding fast enough to memes sent over instant message, among so many other things. He, to put it mildly, lost his shit.

(For the record, I know what went down, because Leupai had me read the messages sent back and forth, to make sure they were grounded, and were reading things right. I've seen logs going back 10 years. His original vague accused me of not knowing what I was talking about, but boy howdy I was either there, or have read the raw logs.)

Anyway, he begged for Leupai back. Leupai gave him a chance that he fucked up within a day. Leupai said goodbye and blocked him. He then started messaging me about this on discord, clearly trying to use me as a go-between to get to Leupai.

At the time, I was going through some Complex Feelings about my own abuse by various people in my life, triggered by his behavior, so was reblogging a lot of support stuff on my original blog. I guess he decided this was vaguing about him, because he made a vaguepost accusing me of not knowing all the details (unbeknownst to him, I'd read everything) and finally blocked me.

I figured this chapter in my life was done at this point, and moved the fuck on. Made a new blog because I didn't feel like getting all his shit off my old one, moved across the country, got a new job, the whole shebang. Leupai and I entered our odd QPP/partners/bffs/???? phase, and I genuinely didn't think much about him, unless I was helping listen to Leupai talk about stuff they'd gone through with him.

Until this year. When I saw some comment of his break containment and end up on my dash, under the name "riftclaw". I had a bit of an inkling, so I broke my "don't look" rule and looked at the linked toyhouse to confirm it was really him.

Turns out, riftclaws are... Lizard creatures. Who open portals between worlds with acid in their claws. Who are looking for a new world to call their own. And who have some divine properties, that may involve body switching.

And all of Kismeti/riftclaw's old leupai characters are now riftclaws.

Oh, and he was planning to make them into a closed species. To make money off them.

Now, leupai were decently popular back in the day. I still have leupai characters, and make some periodically from time to time. There's a tag on tumblr and everything; if you're reading this, there's a decent chance you remember Vee yourself, as a fair number of my followers were there too. People still talk about Valenth from time to time. Leupai still has a folder of old fanart from back in the day with some 800 pieces of art in it. They were, by all accounts, successful until they weren't.

But the height of popularity was back when Vee was still around, in the late 2000s and early 2010s. The only new stuff in the tags is from an archive blog of old Vee assets.

Despite that, though. And I know this from messages between the pair, I know that Kismeti tore into Leupai repeatedly for "being more popular" and "having more eyes on their work". Even though "those eyes" didn't keep Leupai fed or housed, or really give them any income. Even though "those eyes" meant getting 50 notes on a tumblr post as opposed to 20. Even though "those eyes" just increased thievery and the constant pressure to be a Content Creator(tm), and were a major part of what drove Leupai off the internet entirely starting in 2018.

So imagine. Imagine for a moment. Being so hungry for clout and attention. That you steal your ex-partner's species concept that they've had since they were literally 8 years old, barely file off the serial numbers, and then make that your entire online persona four full years after your partner broke up with your ass twice for being an abusive piece of shit over a 10-year timeframe.

To borrow my own tags from this post, which got me thinking about all of this again?

#This is all to say; if you're jealous of someone else's success? Fine. Go have your emotion. But don't lift their shit.#Your emotions are valid; your actions aren't.

(Oh, and this is the smallest thing in the world, the least important piece of this? Riftclaws are already a thing from a game released in 2016 called Grim Dawn.)

#phoenix sounds #leupai #leupak #Valenth #Revecroir #I have a lot of feelings and a lot of emotions and a lot of frustration #Leupai's had their shit stolen three times now #Once when they were a kid; once by another petsite #And now once by their ex #Which is just... Honestly? I guess they've got an original idea because everyone else seems to be cribbing it #This is why the Revecroir setting's forever private now though #Leupai got run off the internet by this kind of thing (and much worse) and they're staying gone now #And this whole hbomberguy vid thing about plagiarism is just making me think about... How many people this impacts #How many artists have had their shit lifted and stolen by someone and how crushing that is #How many people that disenfranchises and removes from communities #I can attest that Revecroir is flourishing but it will *never* be seen again by outside eyes because of the repeated thefts #How many more things are like that I wonder? How many people stop making all together because of this sort of thing?#Ties into the sssniperwolf shit from a few months ago where she was freebooting stuff from much smaller creators and claiming it was hers #In her case we do know that there were small creators who stopped making after she stole their shit for millions of views on youtube #So it's not like this is some victimless crime #Anyway I think the constant searching for clout/visibility/reach/whatever the term de jour is?#Has made everything unfathomably worse in terms of theft and plagiarism #And to confront the latter we have to remove the former

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