#they were in on things i didn't seem to be in the social spectrum and i never understood that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovingmattysposts · 3 months

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You don't know me 25

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pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: family DRAMA.

"Y/n"

"I can't talk right now" I pushed past Sydney. She chased after me, grabbing my arm. "Sydney! I said I can't fucking talk to you right now okay?" I snapped glaring at her. She froze, before taking a step back. I sighed and looked down at my feet.

"Y/n, I'm sorry okay? It's been hovering over my head since the day after the party, but you were going to see Chris still and I thought that If I said anything about that, and not about you and Chris to Max it would be--"

"The party? You've known since after--" I paused. It didn't matter. I didn't care about that stupid petty drama about who cheated on who, who knew, who didn't, who did it first---Simply, Fuck that. It was the last thing on my mind.

"Sydney--I'm not mad about that okay?" I said shaking my head. She paused looking at me. I turned to direction of my house slightly. "I-I'm dealing with some family shit right now, I just don't have time for this" I breathed shaking my head, feeling the exhaustion take over me.

She blinked at me.

"So you're not mad I didn't tell you?"

"No-No Sydney. I'm not mad" I said pinching the bridge of my nose. She shifted on her feet.

"You promise?" She mumbled. I looked at her. The last thing I needed was to be dealing with this. "Sydney. I have to go" I stated staring at her. She swallowed and looked down at her feet. "You still seem mad" She mumbled. I groaned and pressed my hands to my face.

"I just found out that my father isn't actually my father, Nate is my brother, and my mother had an affair and lied to me whole life about it. So yes i'm angry, not at you. But I'm angry---Can I go now?" I snapped staring at her. Her mouth fell open.

"Wha--?" She breathed shaking her head. I let out a breath before sitting down on the curb and pulling my knees to my chest. I was tired, just tired. She stood there for a second and sat down next to me, slowly.

"You're not a Labraut?" She asked softly. I stared at the ground. "Nope, still wanna be friends?" I breathed shaking my head. She chuckled and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"I don't care what your last name is" She whispered. "I just know that I love who you are, it doesn't matter what your name is or isn't" She whispered. I smiled and leaned my head against hers.

"Does Chris know?"

"Chris knew"

She lifted her head and I looked over at her. "What?" She said loudly. I nodded and looked down. She shook her head. "Why wouldn't he--" She paused when she saw me expressionless, putting together everything. Everything she's thinking right now--I've already thought.

She sighed. "Y/n, I'm sorry" She shook her head. I pushed my finger over the concreate below me. "Yeah, everyone is" I mumbled. She frowned and looked down at me. Silence fell between us for a second.

"I just don't know what to do now" I whispered shaking my head. She just looked at me. I pulled at my hair. "I feel like my entire life has flipped upside down these past 6 months and I don't even know who I am anymore." I swallowed.

"The blow up and breakup with Max. My parent’s disappointment with that. My boyfriend's leaving to Boston, My dad isn't my dad, I have a new brother?" I scoffed shaking my head from how ridiculous I sounded. It didn’t even sound like real life. I pressed my chin to my knees. "I don't know what’s going on" I whispered.

Her arm came over me.

"Everything that's happening to you--" She shook her head. "It's not your fault" She breathed. I looked over at her. "If you really think about it" She squinted. "Everything that's happening sucks, yes" She nodded. I chuckled and nodded.

"But" She smiled. "It all has a good outcome" She breathed. "You cheating on Max, Max cheating on you" She explained. "It gave you Chris" She said. I looked down, I guess that was true.

"You told me you never felt like a Labraut, it's because you never were one. Now you don't have to be one" She said. I sighed.

"And Chris leaving?" I asked blinked at her. She opened her mouth and then closed it, swallowing. "I--I didn't think that one through yet" She mumbled, her arm coming off me. I smiled and shook my head, wiping my eyes.

I turned to her. "I hope I didn't ruin your formal" I mumbled. She smiled and let out a laugh. "I actually didn't make it to the dance" She said looking down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "You and Cayden get lost in the backseat?" I joked smiling. Her smile faded.

"No he-he uh.." She swallowed. "He broke up with me" She nodded looking over at me. I sat up looking at her. "Sydney, I'm so sorry" I whispered. She shook her head looking off in front of her.

"Don't be he was---he wasn't--" She mumbled. "Anything really" She whispered. I swallowed feeling her pain. "Sometimes I felt like I was only ever really with him to keep up with you and Max" She mumbled. I bit my lip.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way" I whispered. She shook her head. "You didn't" She said quickly. "In a weird way I felt like I always looked up to you" She explained looking at me. I just watched her.

"It was about time Cayden and I ended anyway. He was about as deep as a kiddy pool" She chuckled. I smiled. "My parents weren't happy of course" She sighed leaning back. I pursed my lips. She shrugged.

"But whatever right?" She smiled. I chuckled and nodded. "It's not as interesting information as finding out you have a new brother and dad. I bet you lost your mind" She chuckled. I smiled and nodded.

"Syd, you should have seen me this morning. I didn't even mean to figure that out, I was just running through the house just trying to find something that could help---"

I paused as a thought hit me. She looked at me. "What?" She asked seeing me pause. I scrambled to my feet as I looked down at her. She looked up at me. "What!" She asked again shaking her head.

"I have to go--I-" I said pointing to the direction of my house. She stood up, shaking her head. "No, yeah--go-go" She waved me off. I smiled before pushing off my feet and running towards my house.

I pushed open my door before seeing my mother pacing back and forth in the kitchen. She froze when she saw me. I just looked at her. She swallowed and pressed her hands together.

"Tell me everything" I breathed staring at her. She nodded quickly before pulling out a chair for me to sit in. I looked from her to the chair before walking over and slowly sitting down in it.

She paced in front of me, before stopping and taking in a breath and looking at me. I stared up at her. "Okay" She nodded pursing her lips and closing her eyes.

"You think I don't know you" She blinked her eyes looking down at me. I glared up at her. She nodded. "I do, I know you" She breathed. She pressed her hands against the counter. "Because sometimes when I looked at you, I see myself when I was your age" She shook her head.

I couldn’t think of a worse comparison. It made my stomach knot.

I leaned back watching her, not wanting to fight, but wanting to hear her explain. "Mom" I said. She looked up at me and nodded, pressing her hands to her face. "Okay" She breathed shaking her head, like she was figuring out a way to tell me how and why my entire life was a lie. Her hands dropped.

"I started dating your father when I was a little younger than you are" She explained. "Not my father" I corrected her. Her eyes snapped to mine. "Scott" She corrected staring into my soul. I nodded.

"He came from money" She breathed holding out her hand. My eyes drifted to her hand. "I came from money" She placed her other hand out before pressing them together.

"We just made sense" She nodded. I stared at her. She looked down at her feet. "I met James-" She paused as if saying his name physically pained her. She swallowed. "I met James--" She stated stronger. "A year or two after I started seeing Scott, we were in college" She nodded before biting her lip and looking off to the side.

"I'm not proud for what I did" She swallowed. "You were seeing them both at the same time?" I asked softly. She looked back at me, and I knew my answer. I nodded and looked down, hating that I started seeing similarities between me and my mother.

"Did you love him?" I whispered. She looked down. "James?" I asked to clarify. She placed her hands on the counter leaning over. "I did" She nodded. I just looked at her. "Did you love him more than Scott?" I asked softly. She took in a breath.

"I loved Scott differently" She said looking down at me. "You loved what Scott could give you" I corrected her. Her jaw tightened. "You--" She shook her head. "You don't understand the situation Y/n. That was not true" She breathed. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I found out I was pregnant when I was 21" She explained. I sat up. "You were seeing them both for years?" I gasped. She closed her eyes, trying to breathe. I sat back in disbelief. I couldn't imagine keeping up with even what I did for years.

"I found out I was pregnant" She said tilting her head at me. "And I panicked" She sighed nodding. I felt my gut clench. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I found out I was pregnant right now. She must have been so scared.

"How did you know it was James's and not Scott's?" I whispered. She looked down. "You just know" She breathed. I nodded and looked at my lap. "James knew it was his too, but if Scott found out I was seeing James, I knew he would leave me" She explained. I swallowed.

"So I told him it was his" She said. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"So you never hated me because I wasn’t a boy, you hated me because I was his" I said looking at the counter. She shook her head. "No" She said quickly.

"What I felt with James was something that only happens once, but I was young, I was stupid, I did some things I shouldn't and I made my decision. I chose Scott" She explained. She walked over to me before placing her hand under my chin. I moved from her touch.

"I'm cold, I get that. I get how it isn't fair to you" She said lowering her hand. "When I looked at you I'm reminded everyday of my decison, everyday of him. And all the guilt and sorrow that comes with that" She swallowed.

"You have his eyes" She nodded at me. I looked down. "So Nate's my..." I breathed. "Half brother" She nodded. I looked up at her. "About a few months after I had you, he was started seeing another girl. He got her pregnant and they had Nate, right before you turned one." She sighed.

I closed my eyes. "It's not fair that you never told me. It's not fair you kept me from my dad" I glared at her. She closed her eyes. "It was the only way. Y/n, I didn't have a choice. I never planned for you to find out" She glared over at me.

"Why didn't you chose James?" I breathed. She paused looking at me. She sighed and looked down. "A part of me never thought I deserved him in the first place. The other part knew it would have been a discrase to the family name. Seeing a Labraut and then having a baby with a Doe. I would have been disowned by my parents" She shook her head. She glanced over at me.

"Sometimes love just isn't enough" She swallowed shaking her head. I nodded and looked down.

"I won't tell Scott" I nodded. She let out a breath and pressed her hand to her chest. "Oh my god. Thank-"

"Under two conditions" I swallowed meeting her eyes. She paused and stood up straight. I stood up off the chair. "You give Dan his job back" I said looking at her. She took in a breathed and closed her eyes.

"Your father---Scott he made the decison--" She shook her head.

"You give. Dan....his job back" I repeated. She looked at me before nodding softly. "Chris stays in Michigan" I said pointing down. She swallowed and nodded.

"And" I stated. She looked up. "You accept the fact that I love Chris, and nothing is going to change that" I swallowed. "Even if Scott doesn't" I breathed. She nodded letting out a breath.,

"Okay" She nodded. I smiled. "Good" I breathed looking at her. The front door pushed open before I heard the steps of Scott's shoes. I turned before seeing his eyes land on me.

"Everything okay?" He breathed before his hand came against my mother back. I looked between them before turning.

"Yep"

I swallowed as I looked up at the house. I almost had the courage to knock.....20 minutes ago. I've been talking myself down ever since. I swallowed as I shifted on my feet.

"Hi Dad" I whispered to myself before shaking my head. "What's up Dad?" I said again before shaking my head. "Where ya been the last 18 years Dad?" I sighed pressing my hands to my face.

How do I face a man knowing he's my father and also knowing he gave up on me?

"Y/n?" The door slammed. My eyes shot up before landing on Nate. I froze. My mouth parted. He walked towards me narrowing his eyes. He stopped when he was right in front of me. I swallowed.

We fucking do look alike.

Why did I never notice?

"What are you doing here? Chris isn't here" He said turning and looking at his house, then back to me. I shifted on my feet. "No, yeah. I know" I swallowed meeting his eyes again.

"Listen, you can't be here" Nate said staring at me. I blinked at him. "Did you come to talk to me?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, feeling the knot in my stomach. Also feeling the tears in my eyes.

"You know"

I blinked my eyes open and nodded softly. He took in a breath and turned his head. "I'm gonna kill Chris" he mumbled under his breath. "Chris didn't tell me. I found.....letters in my Mom's closet from your---our dad" I swallowed. Nate took in a breath.

"He's not your dad. He's my dad" He clenched his jaw. "He's mine too" I glared at him. He shook his head. "No. He’s not." He breathed staring at me. "Nate" I sighed.

"I don't want any part of you" He pushed past me. "You are part of me. I'm part of you" I defended myself looking at him. He paused before turning around.

I could almost feel the emotion cascading off his back. I swallowed feeling chills all over me. He was my brother. Well half-brother, but yesterday I woke up with no siblings and today I woke up with a half brother who hates me.

"This effects me too you know" I swallowed, wrapping my arms around myself. "I've never had a sibling and---" I felt my voice shake. I didn't know how to do this, I didn't know how to get him to like me.

He just stared at me, glaring hard. "I know you don't know me that well, and whatever you do know--you hate. But--" I felt a lump in my throat. "I've never had a family really" I shook my head.

"My dad isn't my dad" I explained shaking my head. "My mom hates me because I'm his-" I said glancing over to the front door of his house. Nate stepped towards me when I turned back to him.

"I'm sure your life was just miserable, Y/n" He stated through gritted teeth. I physically felt my body sink as he stepped towards me. "And I get it really, I feel for you. All the nice cars, the nice house, the expensive watches" He narrowed his eyes at me. I looked down at my feet.

"But my dad doesn't deserve this" He shook his head. "I'll except the fact that you might be my sister, but do not drag my father into this. The last thing he needs is another Labraut ruining what he has left" He said shaking his head down at me.

I pinched my lips together. "Nate" I sighed feeling the tears weld at my eyes. He shook his head before he shrugged his bag over his shoulder and walked away from me.

"Leave before he sees you" He mumbled as he walked away. I looked down at my feet trying to catch my emotions under order as I heard the faint steps of his feet finally turn away. I swallowed as I turned back towards the door.

I wondered if James would have had the same reaction as Nate if he had seen me, if I had not been stopped by Nate before I was able to see him, for the very first time. Maybe Nate was right. Maybe James was better off pretending he didn't have a daughter. He's been doing it pretty well the past 18 years.

As I let out a final breath and stepped away from the house wondering if I ever would belong to a family. Right now, the only family that felt like home was Chris. But sometimes a daughter just needed their father, and they needed their father to need them back.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm so sorry"

We froze at each other's words before I smiled and shook my head.

"Chris"

"No, Y/n. What I kept from you---It wasn't right and I--"

I paused his voice my leaning up and wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He froze before accepting the hug and squeezing me back, sighing. "Oh, Y/n" He mumbled against my neck. I just held him tighter.

"I overreacted, I was hurt by my mom and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have expected you to betray Nate's trust for me. I'm so sorry" I swallowed against his neck, because I was, so sorry. How do you even tell someone something like that?

Oh yeah you know Nate? Yeah, he's actually your brother--Let me explain?

"I still should have told you" He mumbled back. I pulled back. He smiled sadly down at me. "How are you feeling?" He asked his hands still around my waist as he rubbed comforting circles against my hips.

"As well as someone who found out their dad isn't actually their dad can feel" I nodded, he smiled and sighed before pulling me back to him and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"What can I do?" He mumbled. I leaned against his chest letting out a breath, wrapping my arms around his back. “Just be here" I whispered. He pulled me tighter. "I can do that" He whispered. I smiled as I let the presence of him consume me, because It was all I can do. It's all I had left.

And for once it was enough.

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo

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purplekiwis · 8 months

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𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆

Summary: While they're on opposite ends of the social spectrum, Y/N and Harry have been the closest of friends for years. But could it be that an all-night working session for a science project helps them break out of the friendzone?

Genre: Friends to Lovers | Nerd!Harry x Badgirl!Y/N

Warnings: SMUT | Self-Deprication | This is coming-of-age story. There's no mention of their age but both characters are in their last year of high school (just a heads up in case someone doesn't want to read because of that)

Wordcount: 10k

A/N: ok y'all, so i have made a mistake.

i was like 99% sure there was a request in my inbox asking for a blurb where harry was nerdy? i found it interesting so i started working on it... only to realize halfway into things that that was not in fact what was written in the request 😅

i figured i might as well post it anyways since i wrote it but yeah... i'm sorry, anon! i (now) know you wanted subby!harry, but all i have to give you is nerd!harry (don't worry, i made him a lil subby just for you 🤫)

also, before y'all flood my inbox with asks about the non finished fics (rightfully so) i hear you and i'm very, very sorry for the lack of updates. i had to take a break because i kept feeling like the texts i could come up with weren't good enough for the stories i wanted to tell. i still partly feel that way, but i'm hoping the lack of real harry content will inspire me to write more in the near future. thank you for reading my dumb little stories, i love you 💖

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Harry was never too fond of grocery shopping.

He really didn’t like the whole “put things inside the cart, remove things from the cart at the cashier, bag them, put them back into the cart, get them in the car, take them out of the car, bring them inside and put them away” process.

It was extremely inconvenient to him.

It was also very time-consuming, though Harry believed this particular belief of his was directly influenced by having to grocery shop with his grandparents every other day.

Naturally, they were slower than he was, so he'd just drag his feet behind them, push the cart and wait for them to ask him to grab something from the shelves that their aging pains no longer allowed them to reach.

That part was fine, what bore him the most was how easily they got sidetracked by trinkets that weren��t on the shopping list. Oh! And how they always managed to locate a random old couple they knew from God knows where who engaged them in talks that appeared to stretch for hours.

Harry would try and make up reasons not to go with them sometimes, but he always felt a little guilty about it afterwards. After all, it was a very small favor for him to help his grandparents with their groceries, considering they had been the ones to provide him with a loving home after his parents failed to do so.

People always seemed to feel sorry for him when they found out he'd grown up without his “real parents” around, but he'd never had reasons to complain, really. Unlike his parents, Joe and Martha had always treated him nicely and made him feel genuinely loved.

They were a little overprotective at times, but like Y/N always said, that was probably because they were retired and watched too much TV.

Speaking of Y/N, Harry didn't hate grocery shopping with her so much. He even kind of enjoyed it as long as the space wasn't too crowded. That day it wasn’t, which he was extremely thankful for because it reduced the chances of them bumping into any familiar faces who might ask about his grandparents, or if the pretty girl he was with was his girlfriend.

That’s another thing he detested about running into people his grandparents were friends with - they loved to pester him with indiscreet questions about his love life that made him go red-faced. It was even worse when he happened to be with Y/N during those times; fortunately, she was always a bit clueless about it. Harry guessed that the reason for that was that she was so comfortable with their friendship that she wasn't even aware of what was going on… even if she thought it a little odd that he kept introducing her as his neighbor even though they weren't neighbors anymore.

Despite the fact that they no longer lived next door to each other, Y/N was still a frequent visitor at Harry’s house. Ever since his family relocated to a different area of the city, it had become custom for her to spend the night whenever the two had group projects to complete.

Their journey was always the same. As soon as they got off the bus from school, they would head to the supermarket to stock up on frozen pizzas and late-night goodies to help them through the long hours they’d be spending working on their computers.

They'd just grabbed their pizzas, as well as another two for his grandparents since pizza happened to be one of the few fast foods that they tolerated, and were now wandering around the drinks aisle looking at the options.

“Do you think your grandma would notice if we hid one of these in your backpack?” Asked the ex-neighbor, Y/N. The smile on her face, coupled with her mischievous gaze got him figuring she was up to no good… even before he noticed the bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage she was holding.

The idea startled him a little more than he'd like to admit. “Don’t start! And put it back before anyone sees you.”

The way his body jumped made Y/N laugh as she set the bottle back on its shelf. “Relax, okay? I was only messing with you... I knew you'd be too chicken to do it. But just so you know, they don't even ask for an ID most times.”

He replied to her with a headshake. “You're not as cool as you think just because you get drunk with your other friends every once in a while.” She didn’t seem too pleased by his remark, but Harry figured that by now she ought to know he didn't mean most of what he said when he was stressed. “You can get an iced tea… or a pepsi… or even that weird-flavored soda you like.”

“Fine.”

Harry noticed that even after he allowed her to pick the drink they’d be having later, Y/N still didn't seem particularly happy with him. She trailed behind him in silence while he pushed the cart around and didn't even appear to care when they walked past the shelf where her favorite snack was.

“Did you know that statistically, people who start drinking in their teens have a 5 times higher likelihood of becoming alcoholics than those who only start later?” Harry knew it probably wasn't the best conversation topic to get her to talk to him, but it was the only thing that came to mind in the moment.

“Did you know that stating facts like that makes you look 1000 times more of a nerd than you already are?”

Harry snorted at her retort. “You didn't seem to mind me being a nerd when you asked me to work on the review paper with you.”

“I do every school project with you, why should this be any different?”

He smirked at that. It was true. He and Y/N had attended every academic year together since they first met in elementary school, and they had managed to enroll in almost all of the same classes each time. They were currently in their senior year of high school, and their friendship was still pretty solid despite their different personalities and social interests.

Y/N was in the midst of a rebellious phase. In the beginning it all had been quite harmless, with her obsession with dyeing the ends of her hair crazy colors and pairing fishnets with knee socks. That somehow led her into starting to hang out with people Harry considered to be a little unnerving.

He wasn't sure what exactly made him nervous about them... Maybe it was because he was a little resentful over having to “compete” for Y/N's attention and feared he would one day completely lose her to them, given that they were undoubtedly the cooler part of the equation. Perhaps part of it was also because those people reminded him of the kind who used to bully him for being a dork when he was younger. Thankfully, he wasn't being bullied as much anymore, but he still didn't have many friends.

He also barely interacted with girls, as one might expect. There were times he had crushes, but he was always afraid to talk to them, so things never really progressed anywhere. Thus, Y/N was really Harry's only female friend.

He confesses sometimes he was surprised she still wanted to hang out with him as much as she did. When she became popular, Harry naturally assumed she would ditch him for social status reasons, but that never happened, which was a big relief to him since he really liked having her around.

They were both geeky, so they watched a lot of sci-fi movies and played video games together... but when it came to other things, they were a little different. Y/N had a much better sense of style, was much more social, and enjoyed doing dumb things like smoking weed and getting drunk behind her parents’ backs.

Harry had never really understood the appeal of it. In fact, his lack of interest in participating in grown-up stuff sometimes worried him a bit, but again... it wasn’t like he wasn’t curious.

There were a few times when he thought it would be cool if he could hang out with Y/N and her friends, go out drinking, dance, and maybe, just maybe, if he was very very lucky, even get to kiss someone on the mouth.

But then he always ended up reasoning that people like him weren't welcome at parties and that if he ever dared to step foot into one he'd probably end up being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Even knowing so, he couldn't help fantasizing about it… especially the last part. Yes, Harry definitely thought about intimacy a lot more than he'd ever be willing to admit… and he also pondered a lot about how being practically invisible to girls sucked… and about how much he wished one would give him a chance.

He was aware of his issues, however. He knew he wasn’t exactly the hottest guy around. His haircut and clothing were out of style, mostly because he lacked the confidence to mess with his looks and follow the trends the way other people did. He’d buy new t-shirts sometimes; the only thing was that they almost always had videogame-related designs which obviously didn't do his style much good.

But it wasn’t all bad. Harry knew he had nice eyes… he just couldn't get the girls to come close enough to notice them. He figured the way he mostly stared at the floor when he walked, along with the thick glasses he had been wearing since his childhood had also taken part in preventing people from noticing how exquisite his peepers were.

He thought Y/N had nice peepers as well, and he liked the way she accentuated them with make-up… even when her eyeliner turned out a little uneven or got smudgy because she forgot she had it on and rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

She'd been doing that a lot in the last hour they'd been working on their paper, which was making Harry feel a little bad.

It had been a good while since they had returned from the supermarket. The issue was that when they arrived at his house, they found Harry's grandparents working in the backyard. And while Harry had never been a fan of getting his hands dirty in the garden, Y/N thought it would be nice to offer to help, so they ended up spending a good chunk of their afternoon pulling weeds and pruning flower bushes.

And then, since it was already close to dinner time when they finished, they decided it would be best to begin working on the paper after eating and showering the gardening sweat off their bodies. That plan was shelved, however, because Harry really wanted to play Mortal Kombat since it was multiplayer, and he rarely had anyone to play it with. So they wound up wasting an additional hour on that.

Normally, by that time in the evening Y/N would already be working on her part, but as they'd started late, she wasn't. Also, being the control freak he was, Harry always wanted to be the one in charge of the research portion of any papers they worked on. Leaving the final task of writing and flourishing to Y/N.

So the poor girl had been sitting next to him in bed for hours, watching him go through articles on his laptop.

Harry could tell by the increased frequency of her yawns that her battery was running low, so he wasn't the least bit surprised when he heard her hesitantly ask, “Are you planning on staying up working much longer? Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Um… not really. I came across this really interesting essay on our subject and want to make sure we gather all of their data.” He was so preoccupied with copying and pasting that he didn't even look away from the screen as he replied to the question. “It's a shame we don’t have any hot springs nearby... wouldn't it be cool if we could actually collect samples of these microbes to study them in the lab?”

“Are you for real?” She looked at him like he was crazy as she let her back slide halfway down the headboard. “You’re telling me that you really find water microbes that intriguing?”

“Not all of them, it’s just that I’d never considered the possibility that there could be species growing and thriving in actual boiling water… since, you know, that’s what’s supposed to kill them.”

“I didn’t find it so surprising, which is making me wonder if it could be that I’m smarter than you...”

“Not a chance.” Due to the silence that followed his teasing, Harry realized that Y/N was nearing sleep but was resisting in order to maintain her supportive role. “Should I go get the air mattress to make your bed?”

“I can't sleep. I haven't done my part yet.”

“It's fine; we still have the entire day tomorrow to finish.”

“Don't bother with me if you’re focused on the paper. I just need rest my eyes a bit, but I won’t fall asleep.” She promised, but Harry knew better than to believe her. “You don't mind if I cover up with your sheets, right? Your room’s a bit chilly.”

“No, not at all.” He didn't mind it, in fact, he even found it a little exciting. Not in a pervy way, but it felt good to know that a pretty girl would be laying in his bed and would most likely leave a bit of her girly scent on it. Harry tried not to dwell on those kinds of thoughts over Y/N too much, but of course he thought she was pretty. He wasn’t that blind.

He hadn't always felt that way. For a long while Harry just thought of her as his best friend, but she'd grown into her curves in the last couple of years and he would be lying if he said his eyes and mind didn't occasionally wander. He felt a little bad about it, but it wasn't like he was ever going to do anything other than fantasize, so he supposed it was alright… as long as she didn’t catch on.

Truth be told, he’d always liked Y/N’s personality, but as of recently her looks and the way she dressed had also made her the type of girl he was attracted to on the outside. Yes, it was always the girls who wore alternative clothing and scowled at people like they wanted to break their nose that caught his eye.

He was aware that his preference sounded extremely stereotypical coming from a shy loser like him, but it wasn’t like he could help what he was keen on… or the way his body warmed up whenever he felt the pressure of Y/N’s soft boobs against his side.

“Is the entire chapter on Volcanic Islands really necessary?” She asked, leaning further into him so she could see the laptop screen despite being laid down.

“I'm not sure if it's necessary, but I thought we should at least mention these two hot spring locations since they keep coming up in the articles.” He could feel her sigh of defeat on his arm. “It’s already halfway done. I've already gotten all the info about Iceland… now all that's left is this tiny archipelago from Portugal.” With that, Harry rushed to type the final location on the Google search bar but was taken aback by Y/N's chuckling, that seemed to come out of nowhere. “What are you laughing at?”

“Do you not know how to delete your browsing history?” She asked him, still laughing.

Harry's brows furrowed slightly, but he smiled along. “Huh, why? Seriously random that.”

“Random, really? I may only be half awake, but I can still see.”

“See what?”

“See Pornhub come up on your suggestions when you started typing Portugal.” Harry's face dropped instantly. Then, with a harsh slam, he shut his laptop lid. He could feel his entire body tensing up just as a blazing sensation swept across his face, hotter than he'd ever felt before. “Harry, relax! You look like you’re about to blow up!” Y/N remarked when she saw him like that. She seemed rather worried about it as she clung to his arm to try to calm him down. “Hey, look at me, this isn’t a bad thing. You don't have to-”

Before she could say anything else, Harry curled up in a ball, covered his face with his sheets and muttered, “Yes it is. It’s embarrassing.” Honestly, even that felt like a tame word to describe how he was feeling. This was, hands down, one of the most awkward circumstances he’d ever been in. He wasn't prepared to deal with it, so he chose to remain hidden and avoid further conversation.

He knew he'd have to come out at some point, but he couldn’t bear the thought of facing Y/N knowing that she knew he watched porn and wanked. It was making him feel all kinds of yucky, which was why he was a bit shocked by what happened right after.

Y/N ventured under the sheets after him, and eventually nestled into his side. The warmth felt nice, but being so close to her was weird. He liked it a lot, but it also made him feel worse at the same time, given that she'd been the catalyst for his breakdown in the first place and all that. Plus, he still couldn't wrap his head around why she wanted to touch him when he felt so icky.

Despite the fact that they were right next to each other, it took a while for one of them to venture breaking the silence. By the time Harry tried, he had a dry mouth, so he had to swallow first. “I know it’s not your fault, but I'd honestly rather you hadn't said anything because knowing you saw is making me feel really gross.”

His faltering whispers seemed to stun Y/N a little, as if she'd already accepted that they wouldn't be talking for the rest of the night. “There's no need for you to feel that way… especially not with me.” She returned his hushed words. “I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you'd get like this. I was just trying to be funny.”

“I know, but it still bothers me.” Harry was a little surprised by how at ease he felt speaking in quiet whispers while hiding under his covers. For some reason, talking to Y/N in this setting wasn’t as mortifying as he'd anticipated. “And just to be clear, I have no idea how that stupid website ended up in my suggestions. I always use incognito mode for that stuff.”

He couldn't see her, but he could feel her shrug. “You must have forgotten to open a new tab at some point. It has happened to me before.”

“Oh. So. You watch it too?”

“Doesn't everybody, at least once in a while?”

“I don’t know… I suppose they must, yeah.” They both fell quiet for a bit, but not for longer than a few breaths as Harry felt the urge to clarify something. “I don't want you to think I'm a perv, though. I don't watch it all that often… not the kind of stuff that you’re probably thinking I watch, anyway.”

“What do you think I think you watch?”

“I don’t know, like… classic, scripted porn… you know, the typical “oh no, I’m stuck!” cringe stuff that always shows up on the main page.”

“Um… I’ll be honest, you’ve always came across as more of a Hentai guy to me. And before you say anything, this isn't just me calling you a weeaboo. I’ve watched my share too and overall I think it's much better than that other porn you were talking about.”

“Yeah, fine... I'll admit that I like Hentai, but it’s not all I watch.” Harry wasn't sure why he suddenly felt so keen on sharing, but he was really enjoying their conversation. He found the topic interesting, and he'd never had the chance to discuss it with anybody in person before so… it was fun. And, on top of that, Y/N was disclosing a bit too and he liked that he was getting to know this part of her as well. “Do you know what audio porn is?” She hummed and nodded yes. “Cool, so, there’s this category called ‘guided masturbation’ that’s basically just girls talking and telling you what to do. There’s no visual content really, but it has a very intimate feel to it that I like... almost as if you're on the phone with someone.”

“That's interesting, actually. I always thought that audio porn mostly for women, since, you know... everyone says men are visual creatures.” She shifted her weight slightly, turning towards him. “But you still find real naked girls hot, right? the sight of them?”

“Well, of course. I’d be worried if that wasn’t the case.” Her question struck Harry a little, but he liked that she was acting curious and asking him things. “Honestly, I think the reason why I don't watch more regular porn is because I can't picture myself living out the fantasies. I don’t know, it’s weird to explain.”

“You can’t picture yourself in a sexy plumber costume ready to unclog a hot milf’s pipes?”

Harry snorted. “You're joking, but that's pretty much what it is.”

She hummed as she drew closer to him on the bed. This time her, placing her head into the crook of his arm. Her mouth was closer to Harry's ear in this position, although he wasn't aware of this until he heard, and felt, her whisper again. “Is that why you like it when girls tell you what to do? because it seems a little more plausible?”

Harry wasn't usually one to cuss, but shit. Hearing her whisper that somewhat snarky question so close to his ear struck a chord with him. It was freaking hot and kind of reminded him a bit of the audios he liked. Obviously, it wasn't as explicit, but it was better in many ways. A huge downside to the experience, however, was that it was extremely difficult to concentrate afterward. In fact, in the midst of his thoughts, Harry almost forgot to reply. “Um… I guess? I’m sorry, I kind of forgot what the question was.”

“No, it’s all good. I’m sure you must be getting tired.” With that, Y/N crawled out from under the covers. As she did so, her hand stumbled onto Harry’s toppled over laptop. “Oh, I didn’t even notice this was here. We should probably turn it off, right? Assuming you don't want to keep working after this.”

Harry also came out from hiding and sat up in a position similar to hers, with his legs partially covered by the covers. As his eyes re-acclimated to the brightness of the room, he massaged them a little. “Sure. I’ll just need a moment to, uh… make sure the file got saved properly, if that’s okay.”

Taking advantage of his temporary blindness, Y/N snatched his pillow from his side of the bed. She tucked it under herself and slid back under the sheets. “I've got a comfy bed already so… feel free to take as much time as you need.”

He laughed at her antics as he readjusted the laptop over his legs and opened it. Turns out the file had been autosaved, but Harry still saved it once more before switching off his computer and setting it over his desk. “Yeah, that's fine. I don’t mind giving you my bed for the night and sleeping on the air mattress for a change.”

“Or you could spare yourself and sleep right there instead of stressing about which one of us will be sleeping on the floor.”

Her offer caused his eyebrows to rise, but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing to do. He liked the idea of it but was a little concerned about accidentally doing something embarrassing in the middle of the night. What if he made a toot? Or worse, had a wet dream? He hadn't had any recently, but one never knew when it might start happening again. In any case, he'd probably wake up with a stupid morning wood as usual, which was something that he could typically make go away before he got up when Y/N was around… but if she was going to sleep next to him, wasn’t there a chance she could tell? That prospect made him terrified. “Um… I'm not sure that I'm a good sleep partner; My grandma says I used to move a lot in my sleep when I was small.”

“Oh. I don’t mind. I just really don't want to go to sleep by myself for some reason.” Y/N shrugged, leaving him unsure of what to say next. It was already difficult to say no when it wasn’t what he wanted to say, but it became nearly impossible when he looked at her and met her begging eyes.

Well then, if she was being so casual about it, he figured it must not be that common for people to do humiliating things in their sleep, contrary to what he had previously been led to believe by his insecurities. The other factor that was pushing him to say yes was that having to get up to grab the air mattress from the attic and make Y/N a bed sounded a little too demanding for how lazy he was feeling. His bed wasn't even tiny either, so they'd have plenty of room to spread out without troubling one another throughout the night. “Ok, alright. But don't grumble tomorrow about having trouble falling asleep because of me. This was entirely your idea.”

“I don’t grumble.” He made sure to let her see his eyeroll before turning off the lights and getting into bed with a second pillow for himself. No one said anything for a bit, they were just adjusting their positions in search for the most comfortable one. Harry was still wide-awake, but he believed it wouldn't be long until Y/N fell asleep. She was already close to when they were working on the paper, so it shouldn't take long at all.

She proved him wrong, though, when she blurted out something after minutes of being quiet. “I have another question for you...”

“Oh. What’s that?”

Harry saw a shadow that he believed to be her head poking up from the pillow, propped on what should be her arm. Her voice sounded quite chirpy too, which meant he’d probably underestimated how awake and willing to chat his friend actually was. “Have you ever… like, kissed anyone?”

“That’s so random.” It was during times like these that Harry wished he could travel back in time. If he could turn back the clock and pretend to be asleep two seconds ago when Y/N asked if she could ask him a question, he wouldn’t even think twice. Heck, he'd even pretend to snore if it meant not having to respond but alas, since Harry didn’t have any time travel abilities, that wasn’t an option anymore. She knew he was awake and was anxiously awaiting his response. “You're quite random sometimes, Y/N...”

Her voice was hushed, yet a little taunting. “That’s not an answer.”

Harry sighed, realizing she wasn't going to let him off the hook until he participated in the discussion she wanted to have. “Alright, then… define kissing... does something like a peck qualify?”

“No, Harry. I'm talking about actual kissing. Tongue and all.”

“Oh um. I knew that, obviously.”

“And did you do it or not?”

“Yeah I, uh. I've kissed...” His words stumbled slightly. They didn't come out as cool or confident as he’d hoped, but he did try to make his statement sound plausible. “But it wasn’t with a lot of tongue... just like, a little bit.”

Y/N let out a snort at his unconvincing answer. “You’re a shit liar, but fine. I used to lie about it too when people asked me.” Rather than defending himself, Harry didn't say anything, which told his friend all she needed to know. “Is it something you think about, though? would you like to do it?”

“Well, yeah… of course I’d like to. Even some of the guys I hang out with have done it... and you’ve seen them.” Harry felt a bit mean making that remark about his friends' looks. Obviously, he wanted them to have someone who liked them, but that didn’t change the fact that none of them had much going in terms of physical appeal. “I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me. I know I’m the problem and that the reason why I haven’t kissed yet is because I’m not a kissable person. My only hope is that things will change once we start college. I don't know if I ever told you before, but I would really like to get contacts soon. I was also thinking it could be nice to start exercising more just so clothes would fit me better. What do you think? It should help, right?”

Even in total darkness, Harry could tell that Y/N's eyebrows were deeply furrowed by her tone of voice. “Who was it that told you you weren't kissable?”

“Nobody needed to tell me. I see myself every time I look in the mirror. I dress like my grandpa and have a bit of a hunch like him too.”

“I think you're mistaking being unattractive for wearing clothes that aren’t particularly flattering. It's very different.” Harry knew she couldn't see it, but he was kissing his teeth at what she’d said. “If the reason why you want to make those changes is to feel better about yourself, then you have my full support… I do, however, have a feeling that’s not all it is, so I hope you realize that you don’t have to bend over backwards to be likable or kissable, or anything else. You already are all of those things exactly as you are.”

“I appreciate you sugarcoating things in order to cheer me up but if what you are saying were true, and I was fine the way I am, I wouldn't have this much trouble finding someone who saw that in me.” He sighed, a little annoyed by her efforts. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s hard for me to believe you’ll ever understand what it feels like to be me. You’re like... the coolest, most kissable girl ever.”

There was a slight click, and suddenly the room got soaked in an orange light that caused Harry to squint despite his familiarity with it. His bedside table lamp was on, and Y/N was staring at him in awe. “You think I’m kissable?”

Crap. Had he really blurted it out that way? He couldn't recall the precise words he had used, but it seemed unlikely that Y/N was asking him that for no reason. She looked very taken aback by what she’d heard, and Harry, who still hadn't a clue how he’d managed to put his foot in it yet again, felt his face turn red and his tongue stutter once more. “Not in a weird way! Maybe I phrased it in a way that made it seem like I was being weird, but it was just a form of expression. Not that what I said isn’t true, but I would never say it like that. Even if I wanted to kiss you, which has never crossed my mind until now, really. I don't know why my brain decided to picture that ridiculous scenario all of sudden.”

“Hm.” Y/N’s gaze was drawn to her hands as he finished. Harry observed that she was picking at her nail polish, which was rather unusual for her unless she was getting nervous. “Is it really that ridiculous? I mean, if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind...”

His forehead wrinkled. “Why? Because you feel sorry for me?”

“No Harry, because I'd like to.”

“Me? You’d like to kiss me? Why?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.” Her tone was a little hesitant, but she carried on. “Aff, okay… screw it. I might as well tell you since we’re talking about it. So, I, uh. I have a bit of a thing for you. I’ve had it for a while, but it was never too serious… just a little crush since well, I never really felt like there was a real possibility that it could be reciprocated. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner, that and because I wasn't sure how things would turn out if you rejected me so… I figured it would be best not to say anything.” She shrugged once more, as a small smile formed on her lips. “You’ve also never mentioned having any crushes or expressed attraction for anyone in particular, so I thought maybe you weren't interested in that type of stuff much.”

“Yeah, right.” Harry rolled over in bed, facing away from her. It wasn’t unusual of Y/N to play practical jokes on him from time to time, but this one did not go over well with him. It seriously screwed with his self-esteem and since it was her, he could have easily been tricked into admitting something regarding his feelings, what made it even worse. “I know you’re taking the piss and I don’t think it’s funny at all.”

“Why would I be taking the piss? Do you really think I'd joke about something like this? And look at me when I'm speaking to you!” She pulled on his shoulder, compelling him to lie onto his back so she could at least see his face.

Harry complied with her, but not without a groan. “I'm serious Y/N. If you’re trolling, this is your one chance to say so ‘cause If I find out later that you were doing this to trick me or to see me make a fool of myself or to get me flustered, I'm going to get really, really angry at you.”

“I may play a lot of dumb jokes, but I don't play with people's feelings like that… let alone my friends' feelings. I'm dead serious, Harry. It's really not that hard to see it if you think a little.” She huffed, upset that he wasn’t taking her seriously. She'd guessed he’d act a little wary at first but hadn't expected him to think she was pulling a prank on him. How could he have missed that she had a thing for him anyway, with how touchy she was when they were alone together? With her acting so eager to be his first kiss? She'd been shit at hiding it for years. It was so clear. “Do you remember that time when we were 9, my parents took us to a fancy playground with boats and there was a girl there who had a Nintendo but wouldn't let me play with it, she would only let you, so I snatched it from your hands?”

"Yeah, I remember.” As he replied, Harry was unable to stop himself from letting out small laugh at the memory. “And then you threw it in the water because you'd heard from someone at school that Nintendo’s were waterproof. All the parents got so mad, and the girl wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.”

“Yeah, that. Except, I never really thought that they were waterproof. I did it because she was pretty... and it made me upset that you’d replaced me with her and left me to play alone, despite her being mean to me.” Y/N admitted, also laughing and shaking her head a bit at her childish antics. “Obviously I didn't know back then what being jealous was, but I think about that day a lot... it makes me feel embarrassed of what I did, but it also makes me realize that I've always been really possessive of you. I think if you'd turn out to have many girlfriends you would have realized much sooner that my feelings for you weren't just friendly ones.”

“Wow. Was that really what that was?” Harry was stupefied and Y/N couldn't not giggle at his open mouthed reaction. “I’m sorry, it’s just… this whole thing is really confusing. My head is spinning a bit and... being completely honest, part of me still thinks that you’re joking but at the same time, you seem serious enough so I’m gonna choose to believe you. Even if I have no idea why you'd like me that way, other than maybe ‘cause I have green eyes and am tall.

“The hair too. Don't forget your fluffy hair.” She added playfully. “No but, I like all of those things obviously, but they aren’t the reason why I like you. I just do. There’s no logical explanation for it.”

“Yeah, um. That makes sense. I mean, not really but I think I understand that feeling you were describing and… I can kind of relate to it too since I've kind of had a small crush too since last year… or well, I've realized last year... back when you were dating that Joshua guy. It made me a little jealous. I’ve always thought it was silly though, so I tried not to think about it too much.” Harry acknowledged, albeit doing it with more trepidation and delay than Y/N had. “I've had other crushes too, but they were on girls I never talked to so... they didn’t last too long.”

“Wait so… you’ve had a crush too? since that long?”

“I- uh.. I have. Yeah.”

“You must be really good at hiding your feelings then, because I never noticed anything that suggested that, much less that you were jealous. Trust me, if I had any inkling I would’ve had this conversation with you last year instead of doing what I did. I didn’t even like Joshua much… I just wanted to have someone.” She pursed her lips in a mournful smile before reaching out for Harry's hand. It wasn’t the first time that their hands had brushed, but this time something in Harry's chest was sparked by her touch, making him feel both ecstatic and stiff at the same time. “It's nice that you've had other crushes, though. I think I'd be more upset if I found out you'd been caught up on me all this time and I'd just been completely unaware of it. With that said, I don't want you thinking about other girls now. Only me.”

“Yeah, okay. Just you. I like how that sounds a lot.” Harry had no idea what had possessed him, but he felt compelled to bring her hand to his mouth and kiss it. His gesture made her giggle, but he got somewhat self-conscious afterwards. “Was that lame? Probably, right?”

“No, it was cute. I loved it.” She reciprocated by lifting his hand to her mouth and placing a kiss over his knuckles. “Is there anywhere else you’d like me to kiss?”

With a tentative smile, he gave her a direct glance before nodding. Y/N scooted a bit closer to him but as they got closer, Harry's body tightened a little. He couldn't take his eyes off her lips, yet the sight of the rosy, fluffy cushions was giving him pause. “I’m sorry if I’m not… uh… if I don’t know how to...”

She gave his cheek a comforting caress. “That’s fine, but are you okay? You’re shaking a bit.”

Harry laughed, feeling rather frustrated with himself. “Yeah, um… sorry about that. I'm just really nervous.”

“It can wait if you're not ready.” Y/N made a point of assuring him, even though she had a feeling that waiting wasn't what Harry wanted. He was just nervous, which was totally normal for someone who was about to get their first kiss. The most she could do was try to make him a bit calmer. “Is there anything specific that you're worried about?”

“No, I’m ready. It's just a bit overwhelming. This is all so alien to me… knowing you like me and all, it’s a lot for my nervous system to handle.” Y/N couldn’t not frown a bit at how adorable he was as she listened. “I- I'm also a little in over my head, thinking I probably won’t be as good as the boys you've kissed before.”

“You don't have to worry about that, really. Trying stuff until you figure out what makes the other person melt is one of the most fun parts.” She assured, before giving his hand another kiss. “We’ll learn that from one another, okay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Upon his approval, Y/N pulled herself closer and higher, until her face was barely above his. They both smiled as she rubbed her nose against his... once, twice, and then it happened. She dropped her head just enough for their lips to touch.

Her tenderness and Harry's stomach-bursting butterflies were in stark contrast, making for a bizarre, yet fascinating combination of sensations.

They weren't quite in time with one another's lips but their kiss was free flowing. And it felt flawless, akin to a Vivaldi concerto or a Michelangelo masterpiece. There was something alarming about it too, however. Suddenly, Harry could feel the relatively insignificant seed of love that Y/N had planted in his heart blossom into a giant sequoia tree. And he couldn't, for the life of him, fathom the possibility of having shared a moment as nice with anyone else.

He was truly loving whatever love spell she was casting on his body with her kissing, which is why he couldn't help but let out a low whimper when he felt their lips unglue from her pulling away. “Why did you- why did you stop?”

“Your stupid glasses are getting in my way.” She explained as she carefully started pulling them off his face. “Here, much better.” As soon as she was done placing his glasses over the nightstand, she raised her leg and straddled him. Well, sort of. It was more of an embrace; except she was laying on top of him. “This is okay, right? Not too much pressure?”

“Mh-mm. Better. Thank you.” Harry's face was flushed, and he couldn't stop smiling as he stared at her. She was so pretty, and her tummy against his felt so cozy. It was still hard to believe he had kissed her, but the sensation on his lips confirmed it was real, despite how uncanny it all felt. “I like this a lot, being this close to you.”

“Me too.” She ran her fingertips across his blushing skin. “You're so cute like this. I should’ve kissed you way sooner. You seem to like it too, don't you?”

“Mh-mm. I really do.” Harry desperately wanted more kisses from her, but he was still a little too unsure of himself to initiate. Besides, he’d really liked when she took initiative earlier and led the way so that’s what he wanted to happen again. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s okay...”

Y/N smiled at his request, but wasted no time before she leaned in to taste his lips again.

It was mostly just smooches that they were trading, but that didn’t keep her from taking a nibble here and there. Harry was very responsive to her nibbles, which she appreciated. She’d never been with a boy who got whimpery and breathy just from making out before, but she found it to be incredibly encouraging and arousing.

What made it extra hot was knowing he wasn't doing it on purpose because he knew girls liked stuff like that. It was just how his body was reacting to her. She was also well aware that her kisses had gotten him bricked up instantaneously. His warm stiffness was palpable between her thighs, despite being covered by his pajama bottoms.

If it had been any of the boys she’d kissed before, the erection would have freaked her out a bit, but as it was Harry she thought it was cute that he was so excited. He wasn't the only one feeling this way though. The damp panties she had on served as a casual reminder that she was getting quite excited as well.

Despite her wants, Y/N had been doing a great job of controlling herself… only that task became much more challenging when Harry started getting more comfortable, more intuitive, and by default, touchier. At some point in the course of their kissing, he’d started sliding his hands up her back and, on occasion, giving her hips a squeeze. He'd noticed she was pleased by this, so he worked up the nerve to lower his hands to her bum and squeeze her there too.

“Not feeling so shy anymore, are you?” Y/N playfully teased, to which Harry responded by smiling and hiding his face by pulling her in for a hug. It hadn't been her intention to rub up on him, but he’d drew her in so close that their bellies were flush together, so when she shifted next he felt it on his crotch… and moaned, all deep and throaty. They stared at each other, until Y/N turned her mouth to Harry's ear and asked, “Do you want this? want me to do it again?”

His nodding was quick. “Just don't go too fast, ‘cause uh... might feel too good.”

“Okay, got it.” She said, then held onto the pillow under Harry’s head, nails digging into fabric as she began to move slowly on top of him. Rolling her hips to press down on the bulge in his pants. The pressure on her clit was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it was a relief to finally have a way to sooth some of the built-up tension, but on the other, it made her yearn for more friction. She was being good and taking it nice and slow like Harry had asked though.

Still, she could feel his heavy, strained breathing against her skin. “Mm, it's too much, feels… too good. Ah-” He moaned again, once her fingers gripped at the roots of his hair.

“Shh, quiet.” Y/N covered his mouth and smiled. “I love your moans, but we have to keep it quiet.” She said, before removing her hand from his mouth and putting her lips in its place.

“I know, sorry.” Harry replied once she broke their kiss. “If I get loud again, you can repeat that hand thing if you want… it was hot.”

“Hmm, was it?” She returned her hand to his lips, but this time she allowed two fingers to go inside and prod into his mouth, that he was keeping slightly ajar for her. “That’s good, Harry. You're a natural at this, I think.” She had been straddling him with her body leaning over his, but she sat upright for a moment to appreciate how adorable he looked with her fingers in his mouth from farther away. As soon as he saw her eyes fixed on him, his lips encircled her fingers, and his tongue began to softly wriggle between them. “Mh-m... that's it. Just like that.”

As she started moving her hips again, Harry's hands shot to her waist, to hold her as she rutted against him. This gave her more balance, so she ramped up the pace, rubbing harder and faster to create the desired friction for her. The change caught up with Harry quickly, who began groan restlessly into her fingers in response. She pulled them off to let him speak. “S-slow... please go slower. If you don't, I'll-”

“Make a mess. I know. Give me your hands.” As per Y/N’s request, Harry slid his hands away from her waist and held them up between their bodies. Y/N took them, entwined their fingers together and then without warning, allowed her weight to fall forward, successfully pinning him to the bed. “I know you want to, but you're ashamed about doing it in your underwear. So, I was thinking… if I keep you like this and force it out of you, maybe you won't feel so bad about wanting it anymore. What do you say?”

“I just don't want to get you dirty, that's all. I thought I could keep it under control a little better, but I can't. It feels so much better than my hand.” Harry acknowledged, smiling shyly. “That sounds hot, though… the idea of you forcing it.”

“I know but don't worry about getting me dirty. I brought extra pjs.” She gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hands. “So…you want to do it, then? Since you think it’s hot…”

A delaying groan rumbled in his throat before his lips parted into a broad smile, the kind of smile you make when you’re on the verge of breaking into laugher. “I’m going be so embarrassed about this tomorrow, but yeah. I want to.”

Y/N shook her head at him, grinning. “Don't. I've always wanted to do this. It's a bit of a fantasy of mine, I guess.” She didn’t give him a chance to react to her confession, as she started rutting against his cock again. This time she wasn’t being gentle or avoiding any harsh friction. Her movements were quicker and jerkier than they had been before, and she tightened her hold on his hands as well. She had a hunch Harry liked the feeling of being held down and used, so that's what she was doing.

He was shivering beneath her, taking fast breaths through his mouth as he looked her in the eyes. The poor baby couldn’t stay quiet for the life of him, either. His whimpers and groans were unrelenting, so she was bound to muffle him once more.

His now-free hand joined hers over his mouth, but it didn’t linger there for long since he took hold of her wrist and started guiding it downward. “My neck,” He pleaded lowly, his voice trembling. “…want your hand on my neck.”

She gave him a devilish smirk before grabbing his throat. She only needed to hold him still; there was no need to squeeze or do anything else. “And I want your cum,” she told him, hoping that slipping in a few dirty words in combination with her movements would make him snap. “…want my thighs all wet and sticky from it.”

Harry’s legs jerked beneath her. “Close,” He warned, a little startled. “So, so close…” The fact that she could not only hear him but also feel his words on his throat as he spoke was incredibly arousing. “Please…” He pled sweetly, what triggered a sudden desire in Y/N's chest to be closer. She released her hold on his throat and hugged him tight as she drove her hips into his, rutting violently to make him orgasm.

It worked.

Between her thighs, Y/N could feel his warm juices seeping through the material of her pajamas. So she kept rutting, wanting to make sure she had extracted every last drop of them.

Harry returned her tight hug all the way through his climax, and he didn’t let go after either. They remained in that position for a while, holding each other close regardless of the slightly unpleasant wetness that was binding them together. “We should probably change right?” Y/N asked after a beat, despite her lack of want to wrest away from him.

“M-hm. I’m all gross and sticky.” Harry laughed. “I’m gonna need another shower in the morning, but for now, I think I'll just wipe it off and put on new boxers. I mean if you don't mind that I don't wear pants to bed…”

“No, I don't mind. I'm gonna take mine off too.”

“Oh. That's a great idea. Sounds perfect to me.” Harry playfully quipped, before he got out of bed and started opening drawers. “Also, um… I don't know how to ask without being weird, but could you close your eyes for a moment? so I can take care of myself real quick?” Y/N said yes and turned away to give him privacy while he cleaned himself and changed. She was a tiny bit surprised that he hadn't wanted to use the restroom for that, but she figured that since it was closer to his grandparents' bedroom at the end of the corridor, he probably didn't want to risk going and waking them up. “Okay… you can look now.”

When Y/N looked at him next, the first thing she noticed was that he had on a pair of tight, black boxers. The next thing she noticed was that Harry was looking at her legs, since, as he’d probably seen when he turned, she had also stripped off her pants in the interim, leaving just her grey panties on. “What?” He smiled in response to her curious gaze.

She wouldn’t bring it up, but she could see he had grown a little hard in his boxers just from seeing her sprawled in bed with no pants on. “Nothing, you’re cute.”

Harry snorted at that. “Thanks, but you're much cuter.” He wandered across the room to where the supermarket bags were. “Are you thirsty? Do you want water or a snack? ”

“Hmm, just water if that’s okay.”

Harry handed her the water bottle and sat down on the bed next to her while she drank from it. “You didn’t cum…” he pointed out after a moment of pause.

“Oh um… yeah. I didn’t. It’s okay though.” Y/N laughed, shrugged, and took another sip of her water.

“Hmm.” Harry hummed, before scooting a little closer to her. “It must be a bit of an unpleasant feeling, no? and hard to sleep like that.”

“It is a little until it goes away but nothing that I can't handle.”

“Hm.” He hummed again, before Y/N cocked her head to kiss his lips. She’d only meant to give him a peck, but Harry changed her plans when he leaned in to kiss her deeper. He seemed really eager to continue kissing and well, she wasn't about to say no to him. Especially when he went so far as to nibble on her lip, which he hadn’t done before. He was also getting handsy with her, and she loved it. He was touching her more and focusing on the spots he'd learned she liked.

“That,” She blurted, as she paused to catch her breath. “That feels really nice.”

“M-hm.” He murmured against her lips as he kissed her again. His hand continued to grab at her as they kissed, to the point where Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t meant to but ended up moving her knees apart out of desperation. Being so blatant almost made her feel ashamed, but she didn't because she felt Harry's palm wrap over her crotch. In response to his touch, she moaned into his mouth, and he moaned back, surprised at how her moisture had soaked through her panties. “Teach me.” He asked, softly. “I want to learn. I- um, want to make you go to sleep happy.”

“That’s so nice, Harry, really. I, um-” She smiled while wiping the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m already happy.” She didn’t know what was making her so overwhelmed with joy all of sudden. She’d always known Harry was boyfriend material, but it was still nice to see how much he gave thought to her needs and happiness. And she was happy. So, so happy to finally have him like this, all to herself. “Do you want me to show you how to touch?”

“Yes please. To make you feel good.”

“Okay.” She placed her hand on top of his. “Here,” she explained once she’d guided his fingers to the spot of her panties right above her clit. “Circular motions with your fingers feel really nice, so does pressure. You don't have to focus on just that spot though… the nicest feeling is when you rub there but also all over.” She glanced at him, then bit her lip and asked, “Wanna try?”

“Yeah, alright.” Harry responded, adjusting his position slightly so that Y/N could get more comfortable. They decided to have her sit between his legs, facing away from him since that would make it easier for her to lead him. Once they’d both settled, Harry began to touch her in the way she had showed him, moving his hand broadly enough to reach a little bit everywhere in between her legs. “Am I doing it right?”

“Mm-hmm, you're doing really good.” Y/N was still holding his hand while he touched her, and she was fascinated by the size difference between their hands. “Your hands are really big, which... makes it feel extra good.”

“Really? That’s nice. I'm definitely grateful for that.” He said while looking down as well. “Should I put more pressure, or is it okay as it is?”

“It’s fine but I wouldn’t mind a little more...” She could tell he was afraid of hurting her, and that’s why he was being so careful and gentle in his touching. She wasn’t planning on rushing him or constantly give him directions though, so instead she simply relaxed against his chest and let him probe at his own pace. Because, after all, even though he was playing safe, she was still thoroughly enjoying herself.

It took Harry a few minutes to figure out how much pressure and speed he should be using, but eventually he pressed and swirled his fingers around her sensitive nub in a way that felt just right. When Y/N’s breath faltered he glanced at her worriedly, what made her chuckle. “No, don't worry. You didn't hurt me.” She took advantage of his staring to steal a kiss from his lips. “Keep going like that.”

Harry smiled proudly at that. He’d had a feeling he was starting to get the hang of it due to the way Y/N’s breathing had become more erratic and she'd begun to quiver against him on occasion but hearing it from her mouth that he was doing a good job was much, much better. He was really looking forward to making her cum. She looked so pretty like this, flushed and a little out of breath. She'd been staring at his face a lot from over her shoulder in the last couple of minutes, biting her lip and letting out little hums of pleasure to let him know he was making her feel good.

“Like that. Don’t stop.” Those quiet, whispered words snapped him out of his reverie. He knew what they meant, even before she told him, “I’m really, really close.”

He'd learnt from a meme he saw once that when girls said that boys weren't meant to speed up or change what they were doing in the slightest, so he merely focused on adding a bit more pressure, since that was something he knew she liked, and trying to keep his hand's tempo.

Despite how hot he found it, Harry wasn't very comfortable with dirty talk, but seeing her like this and recalling the perfect, filthy words she'd said to him just before making him cum, he felt compelled to give it a shot. “I can feel how wet your panties are, it’s so hot.” He whispered into her hair. “I can smell it too and it makes me want to eat you out so bad. I've never done it before, but I can't stop thinking about doing it to you.” Rather than trying to sound hot, he was simply stating facts about how she was making him feel, and somehow it was working. “I wanna make you cum like this first though. From rubbing your little pussy this way, just like you taught me to.”

Harry's words, paired with the precise movements of his fingertips around her pussy got her right at the edge. She trembled, clutched his wrist, and strained to keep her legs open.

“Please, please, please...” She started begging out loud right before the warm pleasure bubble on her belly popped, so Harry did the same thing she’d done to him and muffled her by putting his hand over her mouth.

He hadn't anticipated being able to feel when a girl orgasmed, but he was. He could feel the strong pulse under his fingers as soon as Y/N started to cum, and it was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced. He could also feel the damp spot on her panties becoming even more drenched as he stroked her through it and God, the smell… it was making his mouth water.

If she didn’t look so exhausted, Harry would have begged her to let him take off her panties and lick her clean, but those puffy, glossy eyes didn't permit his mind to stray any further. If there was one thing Harry understood about Y/N, it was how she looked just before falling asleep, and that was exactly how she was getting.

So he helped her into bed and lay down beside her, but his heart wouldn't let him fall asleep before he asked, “You’re staying for the entire weekend, right?” and his ears picked up a faint “M-hm” in return.

A smile spread across Harry’s face as she pulled him in for a cuddle.

This was going to be the best weekend ever.

#harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles x yn #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #nerd!harry #sub!harry #harry styles x you #purplekiwis #kissable

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linmeiwei · 3 months

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Do you really think Darcy and Elizabeth would be happy together? It's one thing to not care if an insufferable aunt doesn't like your bride, but it's very different when friends and peers start treating him like an idiot for marrying an unimportant and "tolerable" country girl. Also when he realizes that Georgiana will not be getting the same suitors that he would expect.

That's why I think their marriage is not going to be all that. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe Darcy would start being cruel or disrespectful to Elizabeth like Mr Bennet was to his wife. But to continue happily married? I don't think so.

Oh I strongly disagree! I think Darcy and Elizabeth would be extremely happy in marriage.

As to the social consequences of his marrying a tolerable country girl, I'm not convinced that they would be so dire. The Bennets' ruin was averted through Lydia's marriage, I'm not sure it would be talked about much in the wider world. More to the point, he has a powerful family in whose interest it would be, once the Darcy/Elizabeth marriage happened, to make sure Elizabeth was accepted in all the right circles. They'd likely ensure that Lady C didn't do or say anything to spoil the family's standing. We know from some hints in the novel itself that, once push comes to shove, even those who don't like Elizabeth and may know something of the Wickham fiasco, are too afraid to lose the privilege of friendship with Darcy to continue being a nuisance about it (e.g. Caroline Bingley).

We also know that Elizabeth isn't really only tolerable. She's charming, attractive and clever. I genuinely think that she'd actually make quite a hit once let loose in Darcy's world.

Finally, there's Darcy himself. I'm conscious that people interpret his character very differently to me (e.g. they think he's shy or anxious or on the spectrum) so this is very much my interpretation but… going by some of the descriptions we have of his character, he just doesn't seem like the sort of guy to let himself be swayed much by popular opinion. E.g. in this bit, which takes place in Netherfield, when Darcy and Bingley discuss each other's character traits (paraphrasing):

Darcy: When you told Mrs. Bennet this morning, that if you ever resolved on quitting Netherfield you should be gone in five minutes, you meant it to be a sort of panegyric, of compliment to yourself […] but I am by no means convinced that you would be gone with such celerity. Your conduct would be quite as dependent on chance as that of any man I know; and if, as you were mounting your horse, a friend were to say, ‘Bingley, you had better stay till next week,’ you would probably do it—you would probably not go—and, at another word, might stay a month.

Elizabeth: You have only proved by this that Mr. Bingley did not do justice to his own disposition. You have shown him off now much more than he did himself.

Bingley: I am afraid you are giving it a turn which that gentleman did by no means intend; for he would certainly think the better of me if, under such a circumstance, I were to give a flat denial, and ride off as fast as I could.

In another conversation, he says himself that "[his] feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them."

He's just not a volatile sort of guy. He knows his own mind, he knows Elizabeth's merits, and (for all his faults) he's the sort of strong type A that would see it as his responsibiltiy to captain his ship out of any storm rather than abandon it or feel annoyed with it for having got into a storm.

I honestly struggle trying to imagine any set of events that would be at all likely, in which these two were anything other than deeply in love, delighted in each other’s company and devoted to one another.

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #mr darcy #elizabeth bennet

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she-who-seek-happiness · 1 month

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For those who have ADHD and/or autism.

I wanna to do a test to see if I'm autistic, have ADHD, both or neither. For some reason I'm terrified of knowing the truth. Sorry if I sound offensive at some point, I'm just writing about myself and don't mean to be mean at any point.

ADHD, the name changed right? Gonna use this one because I'm writing this quickly. If I have ok, that'd explain why I'm so forgetful and nothing catches my attention unless I'm interested in the topic. And why is so hard to focus. And why I never finish my projects. But I'm not hyper active. I'm a pretty calm person, I can't reall5sit and focus for too long, but give me a hair elastic thing and I'll play with it for hours while listening to you. And I'll be able to actually listen.

Don't ask me to look in your eyes tho, I will. But only for 5 minutes if you are lucky.

My mom a lot for times aska me for things and I completely forget about them, things that are important and I feel bad for forgetting.

But all of this could simply be me and no ADHD. I don't know.

Autism

Frankly I don't think I have autism. But the reports are just so relatable it scares me a bit. I was bullied a lot during my childhood. I remember in the first grade, I tried hard to make friends but I never was able to. To this day I don't know why. Why people didn't like me? I have a timeline of events in my head of my entire life, things that happened when I was 2 y.o. but I don't have details. I don't remember if i did something or not to be not liked. The first school that my parents put me in I was there for a year. In this whole year I didn't make a single friend. I remember I asked my parents for help to do a lost of people who were and weren't my friends simply to try to uncover the reason for that. Is this a sign of autism? Idk. Maybe I'm just out of the norm, but not autistic. Doesn't seem like autism. Autism is something that affects your day to day, every day life. I'm not sure if I have signs everyday.

I have trouble socializing. I have trouble making friends. I have trouble maintaining friendship. But I can understand sarcasm, jokes and I'm able to tell when people are sad or uncomfortable. so there's goes signs that the internet sites gave me. Sometimes I do have troubles talking and truly understanding what my parents say. Not because they are complex, but because I don't get it. There are easier ways to do things and they won't for some alien reason.

I have trouble understanding relationships, in the sense what it means to be in, part of or the different aspects of relationship. People expect things. Sometimes it feels like mathematical equations on which I have to be constant aware of. I gave to do this to get to that. A lot of times I feel like I'm manipulating the few relationships that I have big I can't see another way.

Don't you dare change my routine. I'll be messed up and although not cry, I'll be very close to. Unless the change is "we are not going outside of the house anymore", sudden things messes my little planned time. At the same time I can't really organize myself very well.

I do have some subjects on which I'm very passionate about. But I'm no genius on them and although I'd love to, I can't keep going on them for hours and hours because, as said before I can't communicate very well. My social skills are terrible, I don't know what to say most of the time but I feel like I should.

I don't think I have autism. I don't think I have ADHD. I think I'm only different from other people but can't put my finger exactly on what exactly. I don't feel like I really fall into the spectrum because I lack the usual signs. But I don't know how much of this is stereotyping both those conditions.

#autism #adhd #questions #help?????

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chronicbeans · 11 months

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Romantic Wally Darling with an Aro/Ace Reader Headcanons:

TW: None

The aro/ace community needs more representation omg. I did my best, but since it is a bit of a spectrum, this might not be representative of everybody!

🌹 You, most likely, recently moved into the neighborhood. I believe Wally knows everything about everyone in the neighborhood, so for him to not know much about you, you HAVE to be a recent addition. He's like that nosey neighbor, but instead of it being for a negative reason like suspicion or whatever, he is just childishly curious about others. Especially when it comes to new people, too! He has a bit of trouble understanding a person's boundaries when it comes to meeting someone for the first time.

🌹 When he saw you move in, it was like love at first sight for him! He truly believes that love at first sight is a thing, especially because of all the books he's read. Many of them include love at first sight, with their explanations of how it feels being exactly like what he feels right now! He immediately gets a bunch of flowers and treats to gift to you. He is a bit confused by the slightly uncomfortable look you gave him, but he just chalks it up to the two of you only recently meeting. So, he plays it off as a welcome gift.

🌹 As it goes on, you begin to try to figure out how exactly to break the news to him. It is EXTREMELY obvious that he has some sort of crush on you. The amount of times he has given you roses, candies, and love notes from "secret admirer" that is so clearly his handwriting is telling. The most confusing part is trying to make sure he doesn't cry or anything from believing he has made you uncomfortable or unwelcomed in anyway, and to make sure he understands that you understand he meant no harm.

🌹 You decide to ask Eddie for help, seeing if he can give you any advice. He knows Wally better than you do, after all. The best advice he gives you is to just be honest with him, since he loves to learn. He even explains his own situation when he explained that he and Frank were getting married. Wally was a bit confused, but immediately accepting of the situation. He just never heard of such a thing before.

🌹 So, you take a deep breath, before marching over to Home to visit Wally. When he answers the door, he opens it with wide, excited eyes, practically bouncing up and down with joy. You take a deep breath, again, before saying "Can we talk? Maybe over some snacks?"

🌹 Sitting him down, you begin to explain the situation. He asks a bunch of questions, such as "So... no romantic feelings? At all?" "Yes, none at all. It isn't just you, so don't take it personally." "Okay... did I make you uncomfortable?" "A little, but I know you didn't mean to and didn't know. I don't blame you." "Oh... okay..."

🌹 He is... unusually quiet. Then again, you have never seen Wally when he is learning something. However, he keeps asking small questions. What are you comfortable with? What about his actions made you uncomfortable? Was it the romantic intentions behind doing it, or was it the fact that the action itself is seen as romantic by society? Wait... how the heck does he know something like societal standards-

🌹 You quickly learn that Wally is a lot smarter than he looks when it comes to socialization. He might act a little strange to some, but he clearly knows about things like social stigmas, societal norms, and the likes. He just doesn't seem to care about conforming to them. Which, from what you can tell, makes him much more accepting of different people with a wide range of personalities, backgrounds, and identities.

🌹 He has this strange way of understanding not understanding. As much as he wants to know what it is like to be you, understand everything about you, and know exactly how you feel, he can't. He knows he can't because he isn't you. So, he just accepts that identifying the way you do makes you happy, explains who you are the best way that you can, and allows him to have a slightly more clear view of your boundaries. It makes you comfortable, which is something he would never dream of taking away or invalidating. In a way, you are a lot like Eddie! Someone he didn't understand at first, but now has a clearer picture of. Same with Poppy and Frank, too!

🌹 Depending on your comfort range with romantic actions, the two of you could become queerplatonic friends, acting in ways seen as romantic by most while the relationship is explicitly platonic. Or, if you are not comfortable with that, it is perfectly fine to Wally. Wally is content with just being friends in general. He might be a little disappointed, but after some thought, love at first sight could just be... Well, love at first sight! Love doesn't have to mean romantic love! Love could be platonic, romantic, loving a food, activity... Whatever! So if him loving you at first sight means that you were destined to be the best of friends, he is completely content with that.

#welcome home #wally darling x reader #wally darling #aro/ace #aro pride #ace pride #They need more representation

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deliciousdefendorinternet · 11 days

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about the Headcannon/Fan Theory that Branch is Autistic.

I first started thinking it a few years ago after I watched TBGO for the first time I didn't used to interact much with the fandom online back then.

but after I started doing so I was kinda pleasantly surprised to find out there were other people who thought the same I mainly have the HC about Tv show Branch.

due to certain behaviours and Traits specific to the shows but there are still signs for the movie version as well someone even did multiple youtube videos pointing the signs out.

anyway I figured the easiest way to talk about this is to go over the most common signs of Autism as is stated by NHS on their websites that could apply to him.

tho obviously everyone's different someone not having a few of these signs doesn't mean they aren't autistic. Getting Anxious in social situations and finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own plenty of examples sure its also in large part due to the amount of time he spent avoiding people in his youth but it easily can be taken as an A sign as well. in the episode "" Mr Glittercakes "" he invents a fake person just so he can have an excuse to blow off multiple social events and we see he tires of being social pretty quickly and easily. in "" Fun Branch "" hanging out with the snack pack in his Home proves to be too tiring and stressful not to mention him stressfully micro managing everyone at his party at the start of "" Bye Bye Bunker "" also in "" Two's a Cloud "" he was shown being pretty overwhelmed by spending too much time with people and also due to "" too much affection ""

I swear I will never get tired of that clip 😂😂😂😂 anyway it also ties in to the next common sign. Aversion to Physical Contact. again not every person on the spectrum has it but it is fairly common Branch improves after the first film.

but during the first film he'd literally Rather go to Bergen town with Poppy and Risk being eaten than stay in his safe Bunker and have to put up with Hug times from the other Villagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

and in TBGO he's still fairly averse to them when they travel the multiple dimensions the others are all Horrified when they come across the universe where no one knows what a Hug is.

but Branch smugly suggests he's fine with the thought of them staying in that universe before the others drag him away lol.

also in the clip above he seems to have a mini freak out over too much Hugging and even stims a little from the looks of things.

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them.

bit fat yes in "" Peril Patch "" when playing Golf he planned out every minor detail obsessively before taking a single shot. in "" Branch Bum "" he carefully planned out every detail of their Trip and was only actually concerned with the journey there and the journey back lol.

Not understanding Various social Cues.

this one kinda depends since Pop Troll society is so different from our own but given how in that world its Technically the Norm it does make Branch's lack of understanding a social failing on his part.

such as suggesting cutting the Twins Hair when they were having a Disagreement and Poppy stating that was a Social Cue most people would know.

plus in "" Eye'll Be Watching You "" when Poppy said she needed to think about it first before he could put his safety plants around the village.

Branch mistook that to mean she would just think about it for a few seconds then and there and proceeded to stare at her with an adorable smile lol.

also just him doing generally odd stuff in public like screaming about how they will all die when the water dries up in "" Laugh Out Cloud "" and ya know Harvesting Baby Tears 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in "" The Makeunder "" where Branch Teaches Lownote how to act more like him so he can be less social and cool at Guy Diamond's party.

the things Branch tells him to do includes 1. avoiding eye contact during conversation and then overcompensating with an uncomfortable amount of intense eye contact. 2. talking on and on about your own interests not paying any mind to how Bored the other people who your talking to may be. 3. and doing things things such as laughing at inappropriate times when people are talking aka showing the wrong emotional responses to specific situations and interactions. all of which are things which could be signs in certain individuals.

having a very fixated keen interest in a certain subject and area of expertise.

I'd consider his whole love of safety and traps aka engineering as well given he also builds other stuff such as helping build the Train the "" Cakes on a Train "" episode of Trollstopia.

and various devices such as the machine to pick what their new Holiday will be all of his various complex traps and of course Gary.

Poppy literally Refers to him as a safety nerd in the Birthday episode where she throws him a party where he gets to be the lifeguard its so friggin cute 💖💖💖💖

sure in large part its also due to his past Trauma but it kinda works as both imo he deffo takes a keen interest in this stuff beyond just feeling the need to do it for safety given he actively enjoys it. also Trouble getting your tone of voice to match what your trying to say can be a sign. which we see in one of my favourite moments ever from the first episode of Trollstopia where he tries to be genuine and supportive only to sound like he's being Rude and Sarcastic. anyway those are some reasons and also moments that made me HC him as Autistic I'm not saying it was the writers intent or anything.

I think its more likely just a happy accident that he was written in such a way that some of the fandom interpreted him as having Autism.

anyway thanks for reading if your a fellow fan who has this HC I'd be curious to hear what it was about Branch or what specific moments made you start Head cannoning him as such?

#trolls #trolls branch #dreamworks trolls #branch #branch trolls #trolls dreamworks #trolls tbgo #trolls tbgo branch #trolls the beat goes on #trolls the beat goes on branch #trolls hc #trolls headcannons #Trolls #Trolls Branch #Trolls HC #trollstopia #trollstopia branch

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0rb0t · 1 year

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Don't mind me, just talking about Shadow as being on the autistic spectrum, and how his portrayal in the games and anime (before 2010s era) reflected this even if it was never outright stated.

(TIME FOR A CHARACTER ANALYSIS ABOUT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG)

When I was in high school, I struggled a lot in social situations, I'd go completely stiff and just watch people. I had a "resting bitch face", I never really could have conversations and seemed to just fixate on things. I'd make observations that irritated people. I'd ask "why" a lot. (Asking why or even asking 'obvious' questions seemed to make people think I was questioning their judgment, or that I was challenging them. But no, I just didn't understand and wanted clarification. I still run into this a lot and I wish people would stop assuming I have ulterior motives. I just wanna understand stuff better cause it doesn't connect for me. Even if it seems obvious. I'm the genius that asked my mom why she was crying at her dad's funeral when I was 11. It's not that I didn't understand why Grandpa was gone, I knew he passed away, but it hadn't really landed for me, and my brain registered my mom's sadness before it registered the why.)

I didn't like small talk (still don't) and would rather every interaction have a specific purpose. You'd never catch me at a party and I didn't think drinking or drugs looked fun or interesting. The act of rebelling didn't interest me either. The few interests I did have were something I'd always go back to, and I couldn't function without them. (For me, drawing has always been a huge part of my life and if I didn't have a pencil or pen and paper, then I couldn't hear. I know, very weird. If I were doodling or just even had my sketchbook open, I could study a lot easier. In High school, my teachers started telling me to put the sketchbook away, and my grades plummeted because my attention did, too. Trying to tell them just kind of led to the same old "well everyone else can't doodle so you can't either". I wasn't in any of the special ed stuff because I guess I masked too well.)

Sonic 06 and Sonic X have the same characterization for Shadow, especially in Japanese, and I think that's honestly the best he'd ever been-- he's quiet, he's reserved, he observes and he doesn't like to "waste time". Not because he's edgy, not because he's a jerk or too serious, but because he struggles in social situations and he's more introverted. He doesn't want to be the centre of attention, he doesn't enjoy any of that. Shadow also behaves like an adult, and I'm sure a ton of us on the spectrum have heard that before, that we're very mature for our age. In reality, we can't relate with our peers and have very fixated interests that don't really expand to other things. Limited interests and we just wanna do stuff tied to that. We know so much about that one thing or those things, but those things won't get you ahead in school. Unless you're LUCKY and your fixation is math, oy vey! (My fixation was etymology. I loved learning and knowing where words came from. Useful for 2 seconds in English class, quickly loses its usefulness in a skill-oriented world.)

I don't even think he's naturally boastful, at least he wasn't since SA2 (when he was an antagonist), but Sonic brings out a competitive side in him. Sonic brings out the childhood-self that he lost to trauma and being sealed away. Shadow never got to be a normal kid/adult. He has always had expectations placed on him. I think Sonic really brings out a side of him that even surprises himself. It's why he will even say very often "What am I doing?" or "This is such a waste of time!" but he won't STOP… Because he's having fun and doesn't know how to describe his own feelings. Shadow's the type who'll say "I'm fine" no matter what state he's in when you ask if he's okay. My spouse is like this actually-- I can often tell when he's feeling down, but he doesn't know how to describe emotions beyond functional things like "i'm healthy" or "i'm unhealthy", so he'll say he's fine even if he's having a melancholy day. I struggle with understanding my emotional responses, but not necessarily identifying them. A lot of people on the spectrum do struggle with identifying their emotions beyond empirical things. "Do I feel sick? No? then I'm fine" Shadow is exactly like this. And because his expression is so neutral, sometimes intense, he gets mistaken as being angry or too serious. In reality, he's just standing there. He's not gonna expend energy smiling when he's got nothing to smile about. Why force yourself to emote for people? Especially if it feels unnatural.

Another thing about Shadow being autistic is if he's got nothing to say, then he won't say it. If he wants to leave, he'll leave. Good luck stopping him! But for many actual people it's not an option to leave. We can't just teleport out or skate at lightning speeds like he can, so we have to just sit there and do little coping or self soothing methods to keep ourselves in the moment and calm. We don't often see Shadow stimming in traditionally understood ways, like lip biting or rubbing his arms or fidgeting with his fingers-- but he often stands with his arms crossed. This CAN BE a stim. Feeling the weight of your arms on top of each other, it allows for you to be aware of your own body. I fold my arms a lot in public, because I'm usually playing with the hem of my sleeves, or I'm rubbing my arms or squeezing them. Shadow doesn't seem to do any of that but he's rarely seen without his arms folded.

When his arms aren't folded, he stands so still and just stares at people. He looks completely out of his element. He doesn't seem to have a relaxed stance--until the anime, where he's shown standing with his hand on his hip. Rouge also does this, leading to the popular headcanons that Shadow is unintentionally imitating Rouge-- his masking leads him to identify the most 'normal' person in the room and copy their behavior in order to blend in better. Unfortunately it rarely, in my experience, leads to people NOT thinking I'm weird. Sometimes I'll even start imitating speech patterns or accents and BOY. I don't even realize I'm doing it until it HAPPENS. So embarrassing. But Shadow absolutely imitates everyone around him. We can see him do this even as far back as Sonic Heroes--that scene where he's nodding or shaking his head to whatever Rouge is saying. The scene where Sonic starts getting competitive and Shadow starts kind of imitating his posture and his way of speaking to become competitive with them-- I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. But it also makes sense with his NAME.

His name is Shadow. I think of Peter Pan, where Peter's Shadow can sometimes get away from him. Usually it does everything he does, but sometimes it gets away and does its own things, and Peter has to catch it. Wendy sews the shadow back on in Hook. I think Shadow's name is referencing that as well, that just like a shadow, he mimics those around him. He's watching over them, but also copying them. Learning to blend in.

Another moment I adore is in SA2 (and Sonic X) when Amy Rose hugs him from behind. According to the 2010s era and early IDW, you'd have expected Shadow to push her away or yell DONT TOUCH ME or whatever. But no, he actually just goes REALLY RIGID and doesn't even say anything. It isn't until Amy realizes her mistake that Shadow turns around to look at her, smiling like 'What are you doing???' But in Sonic X, they changed this scene further into autistic territory--

Shadow doesn't even TURN to her. He goes rigid, yes, and his eyes widen and he just stands there looking towards the audience like 8| He's completely OUT OF HIS ELEMENT. He prepared for the mission, NOT to deal with random people HUGGING HIM. He's probably not been hugged since Maria over 50 years ago. We don't even know if Maria hugged him much because Shadow has always seemed pretty touch-averse. I love GIVING hugs and I love receiving hugs but only from people I'm REALLY close to. I don't even like getting hugs from extended family. My spouse? VERY touch averse. He'll get hugs from me but hugging and touch are just not his thing. Shadow is not a huggy person, but he does tend to hold hands.

We know he grabbed and held Maria's hand, running with her-- but we never actually saw that until Sonic X (2003) he can be seen running with her away from the military, and he's holding her hand as he leads her. In Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria often grabs Shadow's hand when telling him things. This is also a grounding method to bring the person into the moment. For me, I feel like I can focus better on what my spouse is saying to me when he holds my hand and it's crowded or busy. Even in our home, if he wants to tell me something, I recommend that he hold my hand or touch my arm so I can focus on him better. This happens with Shadow.

Sonic doesn't tend to hold peoples' hands. In Sonic X he usually just picks people up, but we do see him grab Elise's arm in 06 and run with her. But holding hands? Not really his thing! Shadow does do it more often though. In Sonic X S3, in the episode, Molly's Dream, Shadow's immediate way of leading Molly away from danger is to grab and hold her hand. He even keeps holding her hand until she lets go. It speaks to me the sort of childlike behavior he may still be exhibiting, but not that I'm trying to say that autistic people are more like children. From my experience on the spectrum, I am more childish than my peers. I still react like a kid might to things, and I don't really think like an adult is expected to. I am mentally behind my peers as well, I think my emotional maturity is lower? But it's hard to measure that without a doctor. It's not just about laughing at fart jokes or knowing to pay bills, it's like, how I problem solve is more creatively aligned with kids than it is adults. This is both great and terrible, depending on the situation. A situation that requires math and stuff cannot be solved my way. A situation that involves encouraging kids to try again or be nice to each other, well it's very useful because I can communicate with them on their level (I was a teacher in South Korea for over half a decade, my brain was great for being a teacher but not great for other things).

I think Shadow really gets misread as a mean guy a lot, but he really isn't. I also don't really enjoy the headcanons that imagine him as very outgoing and whimsical when he was on the ARK, and I especially don't like headcanons that infantilize him-- I really don't like headcanons where people infantilize autistic people. We've seen Shadow when he loses his memories a few times. In Heroes, but also in S3 of Sonic X-- his personality is still the same. He's still reserved, he's still quiet, he still struggles in social situations and prefers getting to the point rather than dilly-dallying. I'd argue that he was exactly like that before the incident on the ARK, too. It's just that the incident caused his inner peace to be destroyed. His precious person, Maria, was no longer around and he lost everything all at once. He doubled down on the one thing that made sense: Revenge. But even after all of that was sorted out, he's not gonna just magically be a different person. He's still reserved, he's still serious, he's still "get to the point". If he played FFXIV, he'd only focus on main quests, and never do side quests. He'd never spend money on cosmetics, probably. He's likely a person who values gameplay over story. If the game is broken or the mechanics aren't utilized well, that's probably more what he'd be fixated on than whether the story was good or not. He'd skip through dialogue because he reads fast, even if the dialogue is voiced (my spouse does this and it drives me nuts. SHADOW I BEG OF YOU PLEASE DO IT FOR ME, DISABLE THE VOICE ACTING IN OPTIONS SO I STOP HEARING THE FIRST UTTERANCE OF A WORD EVERY TIME U MASH THROUGH THE DIALOGUE)

Trauma affects people in all kinds of ways. I don't think all autistic people are like Shadow, because autism is a spectrum and no two people present exactly the same, although there will be similarities. Shadow's trauma happened at a time where he barely knew himself already, so that's why it was so easy for him to fixate on revenge, and then he'd be content with dying afterwards because he figured he had nothing left to live for. Finding out he was wrong was the best thing that could have happened to him.

I was really saddened when SEGA decided he was an edgelord who hated everything and had no friends because that's such a horrible read of this nuanced character. In my personal headcanons for Shadow, he's actually very into plants and flowers, because Maria loved the planet so much. And eventually he learns to love the planet because of nature. Shadow's never going to be a people person, in fact he probably still doesn't care much for people as a whole, but that doesn't mean he won't step up when they need his help. Which is why his line in Sonic 06 is still so poignant. "If the world chooses to become my enemy, then I'll fight like I always have." Basically, it really doesn't matter, I've made my choice, I know who I am now and I get to make those decisions. No one else will shake the foundations of who I am.

And because he knows who he is, he doesn't feel the need to repeat it and boast about himself. He's confident, not arrogant. He can be smug and competitive, but that's playfulness, not cruelty. He's quiet and may just straight up walk away while someone is mid-sentence, but that's not because he's evil or intentionally being a jerk-- it's just how he is. He needs to work on it if he wants to have friends, but his friends already understand him very well. They know that he's like that, and from what we saw in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, occasionally they forget it's not personal. I'm happy to see them admitting "oh no, I completely misjudged you, I'm so sorry!" because it's been way too long since we've heard the main cast apologize to Shadow for assuming he was a big jerk on purpose.

Knowing the restrictions on how Shadow is written have been lifted, I'm really hoping we can get more of how he's meant to be, the reserved, socially awkward but well-meaning hedgehog we love. Autistic Shadow FTW!

(our experiences and headcanons

may differ, that's okay.)

#character analysis #character meta #shadow character meta #shadow the hedgehog #long post #sonic the hedgehog #sth shadow #shadow autism moments #he's just like me fr fr #sonic headcanons #shadow headcanons

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mwolf0epsilon · 2 months

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I'm curious why do you think Dogma woulkd make friends with mouse droids

Honestly it just boils down to my personal interpretation of Dogma's character and the way he perceives the world around him.

He's still fairly fresh off Kamino so he's got that newbie trooper attitude (coupled with the fear and anxiety that's made him cling on so tight to his role as a perfect soldier), most likely got promoted to sergeant for his test scores (and I'll bet someone as meticulous about his duties and conduct as Dogma, would have pretty high marks right off the bat), and he's also on the fringe of the spectrum (not enough to be appointed as a maintenance clone, but just enough that others notice his peculiarities and social ineptitude).

Dogma is not easy to get along with right away (not for lack of trying but hey, when you have a bit of an attitude problem and a hard time reading between the lines, it's completely normal to slam into a communication barrier of sorts). He's rather assertive, highly opinionated, and definitely has that stubborn and unyielding spark that makes the 501st so unique (even if others immediately think he's an ill fit for this battalion in particular due to his stringent behavior). He's also an anxious mess that overthinks situations when he doesn't have all the information, which leads him to jump to conclusions and formulate a plan based exactly on those very conclusions (ex: Deciding that to minimize damages he and the rest of the 501st should follow Krell without question, even at great personal cost).

It's not that he's inflexible to change, it's just that it takes him longer to acclimate to those changes. And, unfortunately, Dogma was simply not used enough to being outside of Kamino's oppressive grasp, to be able to relax enough that he could begin to assimilate the idiosyncrasies of his new battalion and environment.

Combine to that the fact others didn't quite understand why Dogma clung so tightly to order, and that Tup (the only trooper who seemed to get Dogma on some level) was much easier to befriend, and you end up with a trooper who is socially isolated for reasons neither he nor others quite understand. Which brings us to why exactly I think Dogma would befriend and even find some kinship with Mouse Droids:

You're alone. Well, actually that's not quite right. You were actually raised among millions of brothers, all of which share your face and voice but never quite understood you on more than a superficial level. You try to show them you care in your own way. Cling tight to your teachings and convictions (things that have kept you safe for the entirety of your very short childhood), in the hopes that maybe your prowess will help keep yourself and your brothers alive. And yet you're alone. Your one friend and closest brother is pulled away from your side by your older brothers. None of which really cast more than a disdainful look towards you because you're a bit of a nuisance to them. You're alone and you don't know why. And neither do your brothers. But you find someone who comes close to understanding what this particular misery is like. They don't look like you and don't share a voice or language, but you taught yourself how to speak theirs anyway. You share a need for a sense of direction and order. You understand your place in the universe. And yeah, they're maintenance droids and you're a clone sergeant. But at least you're not alone anymore.

Something something, the eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness. And if Dogma can't find companionship with his vode, then at least he can find some solace in a demographic that could definitely use some more kindness and respect.

#star wars #the clone wars #clone trooper dogma #mouse droids #headcanons #this is very much projection from someone who has a hard time understanding people or making herself understood even to her own family #and instead finding companionship in other places

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year

Text

You have me (Charles Leclerc)

Note: english is not my first language. This is, again, particularly special because this is a topic that I feel huge responsibility writing about and I feel grateful that I'm trusted enough to have it be requested. This is a neurodivergent!reader piece and while I, like I said in the other one I wrote, like to see everything as we are all the same and I hate the idea of labelling, I tried to do this is the most respectful way with help and knowledge that I gathered over the years. These are a few little moments but they are in no way representative of the whole spectrum! And please remember, there are 5 fingers in a hand and they're all different and we need them all, there's no need to spread hatred or mean words to someone just because they're "different" than what is socially expected as the norm 🩶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not taking requests, but I am writing some blurbs when I can (usually at nighttime when I can) so if you have any ideas or concepts that can be written in a small amount of sentences and you want to share, feel free to do so!

If things had been going smoothly with Charles, right now they had taken a bad turn. You did not usually get that bothered about people commenting on how you sometimes behaved differently when compared to other people, but when you noticed a few more accounts that supported your boyfriend and his racing team point out how you usually stayed back and did not get involved directly in the celebrations, how all the other drivers had gone to an after party and you and Charles had stayed behind in the hotel and how apparently you had been keeping him from the world, nastier words flying around about you like they weren't directed at a human. Sure, there had been the odd comment here and there but usually people had been very respectful about it, even when it came to people approaching you and Charles on the street during your walks around the city, they respected your space while still being kind and understanding, but it seemed that online they had taken their thumbs to a new level, the posts even so much as going to make fun of things like how you tended to tap your fingers on top of the counter in the Ferrari garage or how you rarely ever took off rhe headphones as the noises around you bothered you a lot. Deciding that it wouldn't do you any good to keep looking at what other people thought about you, you locked your phone when you heard the front door unlock, youe boyfriend coming in as he dropped his training bag in its usual place, "Mon coeur, I'm home! I showered at the gym too, so I don't smell bad. Are you up for a hug?", he said as he crossed the corner and sat next to you on the sofa, already noticing your nervous stance, "is everything alright?", he asked worriedly, "is something bothering you that I can help with?", he finished carefully as he tried not to approach you too much, knowing you liked your personal space if you were feeling particularly sensory overwhelmed, "it's not what you think it is, everything is fine on that", you said simply, "but people online have been really mean. And without any reason for it. It's not my fault", you said as you felt your lip tremble slightly, hearing a sigh on Charles' part, "I also saw it this morning, I was genuinely hoping you wouldn't see it. I never meant to hide it from you", he apologised as he tentatively reached for your hand, your own hesitating before latching into his, "I know you didn't. And I don't want to hide from it either. But it also doesn't make sense as to why they're doing it, because it really isn't nice", you admitted as you seeked for more comfort in the for of running the zipper up and down on your boyfriend's sweatshirt jacket material, your head snuggling into his chest, "I was thinking, with your permission obviously, about posting something. Doesn't need to be very structured but I want to show them that I do not support that whatsoever. I love you so much beyond whatever they are pointing out. All of it is part of you and I am madly in love with every single part of you and will not tolerate this behaviour towards you", he said as he kissed the top of your head, "that'd be good, yes", you admitted, "I love you too, handsome".

"I'm going to play some games with the guys, okay?", Charles said as he placed his hand on your shoulder, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he excused himself from the living room where you stayed in reading your book. You flicked through the pages quite quickly, the plot holding your attention until you decided you wanted to take a bath, the position you had been in from working on your laptop for university making your muscles tense and a bit painful. Grabbing the usual products you use, you carefully let them soak in the water for a bit before it was at the perfect level for you to get inside, your muscles welcoming the warmth while you got the rest of your body submerged, just enjoying the peace and quiet as only the water swooshing around was heard.

Charles had lost yet another battle with George as they raced on the game, "honestly, Charles, will you ever win?", Alex asked as Pierre could only laugh, "I'm trying, I really am", he said as he managed to restart the game, racing eachother like they did on track until he heard a rhythmic noise, almost sounding like a bang, and he was up before the gears fully turned in their head, "I have to go, guys, bye!", he said as he followed the noise, the inkling he had that it came from your shared bathroom proving to be true as he heard you inside, opening the door as he announced his presence, "mon coeur, I'm coming in!", he said as he walked inside, his hand coming to the edge of the bath where your head had been banging on, "Hey, gentle, gentle", he urged you to stop, "all good now?", he said as he grabbed a towell, with his other hand, ready if you wanted to leave, "sorry, got distracted", you mumbled as you looked up at him, "No need to apoligise, just don't want you to hurt your pretty head. Do you want to stay for a bit longer?", he asked, your head shaking no as you accepted his help to get out, your foot tapping on the drain piece so the water would go while you let your boyfriend wrap the towell around your body, kissing your shoulder once he had you in his embrace, "you smell nice", he said as he guided you both back to the bedroom, "it's my new scent, the one I chose with your mother as my birthday gift", you revealed, Pascale being attentive to the scents that you did and didn't like. While you got ready in the bathroom, Charles offered to make dinner, "Ma belle, dinner is on the table", he announced as you got up from the sofa, joining him at the table for your meal, "this is really nice, I like this recipe", you said, "you do? That's great, means I can cook more often for you", he beamed, happy to have made something you liked, "so definitely nothing like the pie I made last week?", earning a giggle from you, "it was okay, Charles, just not my favourite though".

While sitting on the hospitality's outside area, you and Charles enjoyed the sunset while he spoke to Carlos and the engineering team about the upcoming race, your thoughts leaving you to distract yourself and you started running your hands through your hair, grabbing a strand and twisting it along your fingers, doing it without minding it much until you felt a knot forming, "here, mon coeur", you heard Charles whisper quietly as he placed your hand on the nape of his neck, your fingers quickly finding the longer hairs in there that he had yet to get cut and running your fingers there, "merci", you whispered as you took the opportunity to look at how his eyes looked even more beautiful against the sunlight that was painting the sky, "I'm here for you, always. You have me.".

#charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc fluff #f1 blurb #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic

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levyfiles · 11 months

Text

Since it happens a lot less frequently now, I have less cause to say it but one train of thought hits me every time an anti decides to start a misguided crusade all "hurricane in a box" style. The train of thought follows the memory of all the fans in the past who made it their most important mission to shame, bully and harass anyone who participated in fan spaces for themselves; not the creator. Who didn't follow a subset of rules they just made up.

What I think about is how content must have seemed to them, the deeper they got into it. Every time Ryan or Shane would do something particularly fond for each other, I'd see at least twenty comments spread out on the video, in the tag, or even in the Twitter mentions going "Ahh, the shippers are going to be SO ANNOYING about this".

And were we? I mean if I were an anti, and I was thinking that and my first thought is to hate-scroll through my blog. I remember posting on my own blog, reblogging from the shyan tag, posting in the shyan tag, cackling in group chats. There was a while there when some antis liked to screenshot things we said on our blogs or on servers (some who were lurking in group chats) declaiming how annoying and twisted and creepy we were. It didn't really get anything done. It annoyed a few people but we moved on because the content continued to be fun; the guys kept doing their thing and having fun doing it.

My point is that every time one of these righteous crusades bombs, I catch myself thinking about what it must be like for that anti. To watch something and to be thinking about how someone else is receiving it, how that someone else is someone I have an irascible hatred for is probably somehow going to have more fun with it than I ever could. Because I'm so busy receiving each moment, teeth clenched that it might vindicate someone having fun in their own spaces when I've explicitly said It's Wrong.

And it's like? Yeah, of course, I'm not having fun. Every time Ryan or Shane makes some dumb joke about how close they are or their body language shows fans just why these two started a company together, that would be intolerable to me because I'd be thinking so hard about how much a stranger online probably liked that more than they're "supposed to". Work husbands??? Why did they say that? Now the shippers are definitely enjoying the content and I'm uncomfortable because I gotta think about the implications of the phrase "Work husband" and between my irl responsibilities, have to craft some reasoning as to why homosocial male friendships are a bitter victim to the love spectrum.

I'd get so bored; the content wouldn't bring me any joy. So imagine how that person who decided to make a second blog to craft a 2017-era "breaking my silence" call-out post about Simone is going to experience content now. They won't be able to so much as make it through five minutes of a video without thinking of every single damn fan who told them their post was dumb and how much more fun y'all are going to have as the social media posts get all the more funnier; how Simone's fandom origins give her a good and easy insight into why we enjoy Watcher. Every time there's a promo and it becomes obvious that thanks to Simone's hard work editing clips she knows we'd like, the bloopers are a fans smorgasbord lol.

In the end, is it ever really a surprise why vocal antis leave fanspaces? They dive bomb into spaces to start a fight instead of making friends and end up with a bitter scar that ruins the content for them.

Best I can say is RIP, ya know?

#shyan

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lovingmattysposts · 2 months

Text

You don't know me 29

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

warnings:

I'll call you later tonight.

Chris's words through the phone rang in my head as I stared up at my ceiling.

"Six, seven, eight....." I counted the stars across my ceiling since they weren't actual constellations. It was easier to count them over and over than to stare at my phone and wait for a call that didn't seem like it was coming.

"Twelve" I finished.

I glanced down at my phone.

11:59 pm

One minute until 'tonight' was offically over. I swallowed as I put the phone down and looked back up at my ceiling. There’s probably a reason he’s not calling you. He didn’t forget. Maybe he was busy right now. He still loves you.

"One, two..." I trailed off and sighed closing my eyes. This was ridiculous. Pathetic.

I took in a breath, my eyes still closed. The breeze from the door of my balcony being open almost felt like the one outside from Chris and I's last date. I swallowed.

He laid against the blanket and opened his arms. I smiled before I laid against his chest and his arms closed around me. I blinked up towards the sky, before seeing the stars laid out before me.

I opened my eyes. There wasn't a breeze. Chris's arms weren't around me and I wasn't looking at the stars. The sky outside was cloudy, you couldn't see them. I already checked.

I took in a breath.

"Three, four....."

My phone buzz. I sat up and grabbed my phone

from: syd

how'd brunch with your dad go? Is he mentally stable? A serect serial killer? Criminal mastermind?

I sighed as my eyes trailed up to the time.

12:01 am

I looked off to the balcony before pushing off my bed and pushing the door closed and locking it and turning back to my phone.

to: syd

it was one brunch, how would i be able to tell if he was a serial killer?

I laid back down against my pillows.

Why did he forget to call?

Chris pov

It was quiet. It was dark here. I didn't like it. It was eerie this time of night, but the last time I came during the day and stayed for hours, a groundskeeper kicked me out. Not so gracefully after I cussed him out.

I stared down at tombstone.

Amelia Rose Smith 4-23-03 -- 7-03-19 a beloved daughter, a soul too sweet for this world gone too soon.

I swallowed. I placed new flowers beside it, but they would die soon. I didn't know if it was the first time flowers were left here since I left, or if the flowers were only empty for a few days.

Her parents moved to Flordia after her death to be closer to the rest of their family, so I don't know if anyone kept up in replenishing her flowers.

I didn't blame them for moving. In times of greif, you cling to your loved ones. The only problem was when she passed, and my greif came, the only 'loved one' I wanted to cling too was the one buried six feet in the ground.

When she first passed, I didn't leave her side. Even after the funeral, her parents left before I did. I didn't say anything. I just sat there and stared at the freshly grounded dirt, until the sun came up the next morning. That freshly grounded dirt was now overgrown with grass.

My parents didn't question me, they didn't even try to pull me away when I didn't leave the funeral.

They just let me sit here.

Like I am now.

"Chris"

"Chris." My dad shook my arm. I blinked. It was real. This was really happening. I swallowed as I glanced around the room and saw everyone staring at me. All eyes on me.

"They called your name, it's time to give your dedication" My father whispered down at me. I looked up at him. I felt like a child again. Like my dad was dropping me off at kindergarten for the first time.

I wanted to shake my head and cling to his side. But this wasn't kindergarten. This was a funeral filled with people, relatives, friends, all staring at me and they knew exactly who I was.

The boy who lost his girlfriend.

I stood up from the pew and it was silent. The only sound was the clicking of my feet as the preacher moved aside so I could stand in front of the podem.

I swallowed as my eyes glanced over the casket. The closed casket. I'm glad it was closed, I didn't know how I would have reacted if I had seen her laying there, lifeless. My gut clenched and I forced my eyes to tear away from the casket.

I turned and my eyes scanned over the filled church. Some people crying. Some not. Some looked sad, some didn't.

"Um" I cleared my throat as I stared down at my piece of paper, my hands shaking so much I couldn't even read the words. I swallowed and looked up meeting the eyes of Rose's mom.

I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I couldn't save her" but I couldn't even get the words out. I looked back down.

A tear rolled down the bridge of my nose. I quickly wiped it.

"Thank you for coming today. I know it would have meant a lot to--" My voice broke. I paused closing my eyes. I was strong. I could do this. I forced the paper still.

"Amelia was---" I paused. "Rose-" I corrected myself. It didn't feel right calling her by something I never called her before today. "She was the kindest soul in the world" I whispered, but it projected anyway. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"She was the light in my day." I said. I glanced up meeting the eyes of my parents who nodded me forward. I stifened. I set the paper down and looked up at the faces of everyone.

"I've been trying to figure out how to deal with this" I said honestly. I shook my head. "I don't know how---" I swallowed. Don't cry Chris, everyone is looking at you. I stopped taking in a breath.

"The only conclusion i've been able to come to, was that she was too good for this world, so she just went on to the next" I nodded. "She went somewhere better than this place. To a place where she wasn't struggling--where she wasn't in pain and wasn't sad" The lump in my throat kept coming back up no matter how much I kept it down.

"Selfishly, I didn't want her to go. I--I wanted her to stay here with me. I've battled with myself for days over--" I closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this.

"I'm sorry" I shook my head, I hated the way everyone was looking at me. I hated the pressure. I hated the pity looks. I hated all of it.

I didn't know how to talk about this in front of a group of people that I didn't even know or Rose never even mentioned.

I grabbed the side of the podium to keep myself standing. I looked over to her parents.

"I don't know what to say" I shook my head. Rose's mother's eyes watered and she shook her head. "If I could replace myself with your daughter in that casket, I would" I said looking at her. Her eyes closed as she took in a breath.

I hung my head as tears ran down my face. "Trust me, I would" I cried. I looked up. Everyone was staring at me, this was too much.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't---That I didn't--"

Everyone was staring at me.

I pushed off the podium before walking down the aisle and rapidly wiped my face as I pushed out of the church doors.

I felt a rain drop on my face. I looked up. It wasn't raining. I pressed my hand to my face. "Fuck" I whispered. I wiped my eyes that had produced the water. I glanced down to the dirt.

"Sorry, I know you don't like when I curse" I whispered. No response. But there was one inside me, as if she were still sitting next to me now.

It's okay Chris. It's okay to feel things, sometimes it necessary.

I took in a breath.

"I don't understand why you left me. You ruined my life. I'm mad at you, I'm mad at the---dead" I whispered the last part. Was it disrespectful to be angry with the dead? I didn't know. I was. I've been angry for a while, it's just be clouded by sadness. I just hadn't noticed.

"I got a tattoo for you" I whispered. No response. I stared at the grave. "I don't know if you would have like it. You never really liked tattoos....but I just thought---" I paused. I closed my eyes. "I thought that you might have like it if it was mine" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I hung my head in between my legs. "God Rose. I just......" I swallowed.

"I miss you." I whispered. I wiped my nose and looked up at her gravestone. "I feel guilty" I stated. The only sounds between me and the gravestone were the sounds of crickets chirping.

"I've battled back and forth with myself over falling in love again" I whispered. I placed my head against my knee. "I'm so scared she's going to leave me like you did. You messed me up----so bad" I swallowed.

"I heard there were stages to grief" I played with the grass inbetween my fingers. "First, Sadness. Then anger" I breathed. I looked at the stone.

"It wasn't fair for the anger to hit right as I made it to Michigan. It was suppose to be a new beginning, but I did some things I’m not proud of. I was mean. You hated mean people, Rose. You wouldn't have been proud of me" I shook my head.

I wiped my eyes and let out a long breath. I turned away from the stone.

I heard the cracking of sticks behind me. I turned quickly, getting ready to stand up and fight off another groundskeeper, but I met a pair of blue eyes that looked like mine.

I sighed and relaxed.

"I thought I'd find you out here" My dad's voice rang. I didn't say anything and stared at the stone. He groaned as he went to sit down next to me. I didn't say anything, I just kept my arms around my legs and stared down.

"You know" My dad said looking over at me. "Your mother doesn't like it when she finds your bed empty at 2 am, especially after the blow up at dinner" He spoke softly. I didn't react.

It's because I hate being here. I hate being in Boston without Rose it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like Boston.

"I didn't meant to scare her" I mumbled. He shook his head. "She's just on edge about you being home. She forgets you would do this weekly" He sighed. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why is he making me feel guilty about coming to see Rose? I shouldn't have to feel guilty.

"I like it out here better. Out here someone actually listens to me" I grumped under my breath. My dad let out a sigh.

"I don't mean to come across like I don't listen to you Chris" He turned his head to look at me. I looked up at him. "Come across? You shipped me out to Michigan when it got hard for you" I spat staring at him. He closed his eyes.

"You needed a fresh start"

"I needed parents who could comfort me"

"You didn't let us" He snapped. I glared at him. He shook his head, bringing down his tone. Silence came between us. I felt a verge of guilt come up my throat.

"I didn't mean it" I whispered. He looked over at me. I felt the guilt of my own words wash over me. I shook my head. "I was angry, I was hurting--I still am-but" I swallowed. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I never wanted to.

I usually waited until everyone was out of sight before I allowed my emotions to hit me. I was not going to cry in front of him. I took in a breath trying to contain myself.

"I love you and mom, I never wanted you think that I didn't" I whispered. I felt the power of my father's gaze.

"We never thought that, even when you said it" His arm came over my shoulders. I looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. "We're you're parents. Parents take everything their child says with a grain of salt" He breathed. I sighed. That didn't make me feel any better for what I said.

"Why did you come home Chris?" He asked softly. I blinked down. "You wanted me to" I stated softly. He shook his head. "That's not why you came" He breathed. I took in a breath as I looked at the grave.

He knew me too well, it hurt.

"I have to move on" I stated blankly not looking up at my dad. He just watched and listened. "For years I’ve held Rose's death with me" I shook my head looking at her name engraved in the stone.

"And I don't want to forget about it--I never want to forget about it--her." I shook my head afraid of the misconception. I swallowed. "I just want to move on from it. I want to start breathing again" I whispered.

It's true. It's why I came home. Not for my parents, not because my father wanted me to, not because I wanted to move back here---I didn't. I guess I just didn't know that until I stepped onto Boston ground. It hit me like a load of bricks, the realization.

"You're allowed to want to move on Chris, it doesn't mean you have to forget" He breathed. I didn't move as my eyes glanced over the stone.

"I met someone" I whispered. At this point I didn't know If I was talking to Rose or to my father. Neither replied.

"I think meeting her, made every emotions I've pushed down the last 3 years come up to the surface" I whispered. My father let out a breath.

"It sounds like this girl did you a favor" He stated. I swallowed, right now it didn't feel like it.

"I'm in love with her" I stated blankly before looking up at my father. Suprise crossed his face and he blinked at me. He opened his mouth and closed it. I turned away from him. I'm not crying in front of him.

"And she's nothing like Rose" I whispered. My father shifted.

"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Rose and how you process it. Chris you're allowed to move on, you're allowed to fall in love, you're allowed to live" He shook his head at me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes finally reeling in my emotions.

I looked up at my dad. His eyes were tired. I feel like that's what I did to people. Sucked the life out of them. I saw it in his eyes, my mother's eyes, Dan's eyes, Nate's eyes. I would die If i ever saw that look in Y/n's eyes.

"What's her name?" My father spoke and I blinked almost swearing it was Rose's voice I was hearing, not my father's. I looked down at the grave.

"Y/n" I stated. He smiled. "That's a pretty name" He whispered making me smile. "Yeah" I whispered. My father shifted before he picked up the flowers set beside the grave.

"Lilies" He smiled running his hands over the flowers. "They were her favorite flowers" I explained smiling slightly as I looked at them.

"It's funny because I would always joke that her favorite flowers were lilies, because it doesn't make sense because you know her name---" My voice tore at the last word, as I stared at the stone.

And I broke.

My body tensed at the unfinished sentence and a sob came out of my throat as uncontrollable tears came pouring out of my eyes as I cried. My body curled as I cried into my hands.

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay Chris" My dad grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. I couldn't fight him. I had no strength left in my body. I shook against his arms as I cried into his chest.

#nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo

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clone-anon-after-dark · 8 months

Text

A Little Closer (Captain Rex x GN Asexual Aromantic Reader)

Word Count: 2722

Warnings: minors DNI, frank discussions of sex but nothing more, some chaste kissing, reader is sex-repulsed aroace, angst in regards to Order 66 (I'm sorry okay! This was getting long and I didn't know how to also make it an Everyone Lives AU also)

A/N: I wrote these headcanons for clones with ace partners and basically now I want to write at least one fic for each clone with a partner who is somewhere on the aroace spectrum. (I’m taking requests if you have any.) Ultimately the relationship in this one is going to be a queerplatonic partnership with I love yous. There is some reverse comfort. No use of reader's pronouns.

I would be remiss if I didn't say thank you @starrrgazingbunny! Your reblog and comments on those headcanons helped shape the relationship in this story.

You sat near 79’s and wanted to cry. All you could think about were those many nights with the 501st boys, laughing, eating, dancing, and sharing stories. You didn’t jump on the dance floor immediately, but it was hard to be shy when Hardcase, Fives, and Jesse all shuffled you toward the center of the room. They had no shame in their dance moves and brought out more of your fun side. You smiled to yourself as you thought of all the times you talked and took their mind off the war. You remember the night someone had pulled the fire alarm and you were all kicked out. You invited the boys home to hang out for a little while. Rex chuckled watching Tup, Dogma, Kix, Fives, Jesse, and Hardcase all try to sit on your couch followed by Hardcase insisting there was room for everyone as long as you, Rex, and Echo sat on their laps. There was not, in fact, any more room and your poor sofa creaked beneath them. You just grinned and got some extra chairs out and moved the table so everyone could sit somewhere. No one seemed to mind it being a little crowded.

It was the same night that the boys were discussing their futures. Not so much about the war, but Hardcase had met a woman he loved and disappeared to her every day he could when they were on Coruscant. Jesse was in the process of getting to know someone and Dogma had a date lined up. They had never been prepared for social relationships outside of the GAR, nevermind romantic relationships. They quickly turned to you for advice, as a nat-born.

“Sorry to disappoint,” you said. “I’m aroace and will never have sex.” Each man tilted his head and knitted his eyebrows slightly, mulling over this statement. You took the time to explain the spectrum of sexual and romantic attraction and that, yes, you still liked people and platonic relationships. You even thought about having a committed relationship sometimes, but hadn’t found the right person for that. You carefully waded into the topic of lost loves and unspoken wishes when you knew a friend would only remain a friend. You told them you dreamed more about building a home and sharing a life with someone, but that didn’t have to include the things romantic movies seemed to covet.

“Are those things not important regardless of how you feel about sex, or even romance?” The question came from Rex, who up until now, had been practically silent. You looked into his eyes, and felt a spark of hope. It was quickly interrupted by a well-meaning Hardcase.

“Yeah, I love more than sex. I feel a connection when I’m with my girlfriend. She understands me. We spend time doing more than making out and getting naked.”

“Thank you for that information,” Tup said, rolling his eyes.

You smiled, getting his meaning. “I think that strong, long-lasting relationships are built on closeness and understanding. There are some people out there who have no interest in getting close to someone on an emotional level and only want the physical, sure. I think it’s pretty normal to figure out what you want and seek that out.”

“People tend to want to be understood and care for each other,” Rex added quietly. The men all nodded their heads and you couldn’t help but find a smile tugging on the corner of your mouth.

You didn’t tell the boys some things. Like how you were sometimes up front about being sex-repulsed because you knew it would weed out some people. It felt like a shield against future pain. You knew not everyone would understand and you didn’t want to waste your time, but that night you felt like they were doing their best to understand.

You now felt a pang thinking back to that night. All those men figuring themselves out in the way that nat-borns normally had years to do. They grew up too fast to fight a war, but they had the same basic needs and desires as anyone. Now that the Empire was in power, so much had changed. You didn’t know where they all were, but you missed each one of them. You especially missed Rex. That night had been one filled with hope for you. Hope that someone would understand what you wanted in a relationship and not demand you sacrifice your body and wishes for their own needs. Now you were really alone, trying to figure out how to function with so much changed.

Your old job with the GAR had been terminated and you were left to trade parts and barter your skills as a mechanic. It was in the process of trading parts that you met the Martez sisters. One night you found yourself on their platform, agreeing to help fix a ship for a friend of theirs while they were off on a job. You weren’t given a name or anything, just a description that included blonde hair and a more thorough description of the ship. They neglected to tell you that he was a clone. The ship landed and you stepped toward it as the door opened to reveal a familiar face.

“Rex?” You dropped the tool in your hand and tears came to your eyes. He was dressed more like a civilian, but that face was unmistakable.

His breath was nearly knocked out of him as he quickly covered the short space between you and pulled you into his arms.

“It’s so, so good to see you,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I wanted to find you. Find someone. After everything I couldn’t come back to the barracks. I couldn’t…” His voice was barely a whisper and he pulled you in for another hug.

As you worked on his ship, he helped, handing you tools and filling you in on what happened. You thought of Hardcase, Tup, and Fives gone. You mourned for them during the war. Now Jesse. Rex didn’t know what happened to Dogma or Kix, but at least Echo was okay. He sat, staring forward, and tears streamed down his face. You stopped your work and sat next to him, pulling him close while he cried into your shoulder.

As he quieted he apologized. “I’m so sorry. I think of them every day.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Rex. I miss them. I missed you. I never thought I’d see you again.”

That day changed your life. You did everything you could to help Rex and the network of clones. When more were rescued, you were ready with food and clean clothes. You fixed ships and saved credits. Eventually, you started going on missions that weren’t so much on the dangerous side as the practical side. Helping rescued clones start new lives in a handful of places that were as far away from the Empire as possible, expanding the network. You helped Rex find several places to lay low and a few escape routes through the galaxy. While you had offered to come on all the missions, he insisted he didn’t want you put in the way of more danger, but then one day, Rex and Gregor barely made it back. You and Wolffe were waiting after a supply run and were both practically tearing your hair out.

“What happened?!” You both shouted once the door to the shuttle opened. Gregor explained that there had been some mechanical trouble, lost comms, and they had to jump around that part of the galaxy for a while to find someone to assist.

“It was beyond our expertise,” Rex added.

You rolled your eyes. “If only you knew someone who was a mechanic,” you replied.

“It’s too dangerous,” Rex insisted.

“I chose this, Rex.” You looked between him, Wolffe, and Gregor. “Now I know Gregor and Wolffe have told me that they would appreciate the help, but you keep saying ‘no.’ Why? I’m with you. I want to do this!”

Gregor and Wolffe froze in place and silently looked between each other and Rex. Rex just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I don’t want you getting hurt,” he admitted.

“Then help me with my blaster aim.”

He couldn’t help but grin at that. Joining the boys consistently changed a lot of things. You became better on your feet in sticky situations and since you weren’t a clone, you blended into certain scenarios much easier. It was an advantage. You also got to know the boys much better. Knowing someone you worked with and becoming friends that way was one thing. Living on a ship with them, sometimes for months at a time, was another. While you had become closer to all three of them, you started to feel something for Rex that couldn’t quite be put into words. It was some form of love, but you didn’t know what to make of it.

One evening Gregor and Wolffe turned in early so they could get some sleep before their watch. You stayed sitting by the campfire with Rex. You felt some discomfort from him, but waited as he formed his thoughts. Your heart dropped at the thought he might have noticed you acting a bit differently around him. Were you acting different? You couldn’t quite tell. You tried to play it cool, but that didn’t always work out. You were brought out of your thoughts when he cleared his throat.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “How do I put this?” You waited until he continued. “Many rotations ago, a few cycles ago now, we were at your place with some of the boys talking about relationships and you said you don’t feel romantic love or want to be, umm, intimate. Is that still true?”

“Wha?” The partially-formed word left your lips before you could stop it. You weren’t expecting him to be so forward. “Yeah. Yeah I still feel that way.”

Rex continued. “But you do feel love. I mean, you show us all love in some form. And I was just wondering if you… if it’s okay that I love you.”

“If it’s okay that you love me? Of course it’s okay,” you answered, much to his relief.

“I just don’t know how to go about some of these things,” he said, “But I feel such love for you. Love unlike any I’ve known. I don’t know what to call it and in many ways I don’t care.”

“I do love you,” you told him. “I am happiest with you, even on the worst days when everything breaks down. I am most content with you. My footing is solid when you’re with me.”

Rex scooted a little closer to you. “How can I show you how I feel? What do we call this?”

You shrugged at the last part. “Let’s figure it out together. Maybe we could start with this.” You held out your hand to take his and he gladly intertwined his fingers with yours. He wanted to kiss you, but asked first. You didn’t want to say no, but simply said, “Give me time.” He nodded and instead rested his forehead on yours. That felt pretty perfect.

It took time to figure out what did and didn’t work for you. You always enjoyed the idea of cuddling and started there. You invited him into your bed, first for afternoon cuddles and then to sleep. You were both asleep almost instantly once you found a comfortable position in each other's arms. You started spending time snuggling against each other and one day while sitting in the cockpit he gently started to pull you onto his lap.

“This okay,” he asked.

You nodded and sat. You rested your forehead to his and put an arm around his shoulders, whispering “I love you.”

When your ship was barely worth anything for scarp, you sold it, and were surprised to find Rex already knew what ship you’d get next. It wasn’t new, but it was still in excellent condition. When you moved your belongings inside you found that there were only three bunks, but he then showed you how a fourth extended out from the wall, giving the two of you more room in bed together.

“I love this,” you said. “Is that the only reason you picked this ship?”

He grinned and scratched the back of his head. “Well, not the only reason. There’s also more storage space.”

You looked into his deep brown eyes. He had put so much thought into it just to make sure you were comfortable and not squished too badly between him and the wall. You realized that this was the nicest bed he’d probably ever slept in and your heart danced thinking about how you’d be the one sharing it with him.

When it came time to turn in, you found Wolffe and Gregor laying in the bed, hands behind their heads, looking up at you.

“What are you two doing?”

“Who says you and Rex get this bed,” Gregor playfully asked.

“Maybe we’d like to stretch out a bit sometimes,” Wolffe added.

“Well, finish your stretching and get going because I need to snuggle with my partner.”

They both looked at you with raised eyebrows. You hadn’t put a name to the relationship before, but your heart sang at the word. Partner. Rex was your partner and that made you very happy. When he came to bed, Rex found you laying under the covers reading a holonovel. The lights were low and he felt calm as he got in next to you.

“Partner, eh,” he asked with a soft smile. You nodded with a shy smile, not realizing he overheard.

“I like that,” he said. “Feels pretty perfect.”

He laid down and opened his arms up for you. You smiled as he pulled you. You buried your face in his neck and gave him a little squeeze.

“I love you, Rex.”

“I love you too.” You both fell asleep feeling at total peace.

Life would not always be easy. Certainly hiding from the Empire was hard enough, but then there was dealing with the psychological aftermath of the war. On the eve of Empire Day, you woke up to Rex shaking in his sleep. His mumbles got louder and you shook him, whispering his name to wake him. When he woke up, his eyes searched yours in a frenzy as tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked lost and utterly devastated. You knew he was dreaming about his chip activation. You don’t know what came over you, but you kissed his forehead and caressed his face, wiping his tears away. You’d never kissed before, but it was the best way you could express that everything was okay now, you were here with him, you loved him, and he didn’t have to be afraid. The emotions overwhelmed him and he sobbed for a little while as you cradled him in your arms.

“It’s okay now,” you said quietly. “You’re here with me and I’m not going anywhere.”

As he calmed down he looked into your eyes. “Can I kiss you too?”

“Yes,” you said. “I’m sorry I took so long to come around to it.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry for knowing what you need,” he replied.

“Maybe not on the lips,” you asked.

“I know. How about your beautiful cheeks?”

You nodded. Rex cupped your face and kissed each cheek. He nuzzled his nose against yours ever so gently. Your body felt a little stiff, taking in the new sensation, but it was wonderful and you soon melted into his arms again.

“I like that,” you admitted.

“So do I.”

The next morning you woke up before Rex and while usually you’d get up and ready for the day, you decided to stay in bed with him. As if he could sense you making this decision, he held you a little closer. You smiled to yourself. When you both eventually got up, you found Wolffe and Gregor around a fire, making a late breakfast. You joined them, you sat right next to Rex, arm against arm as you ate. You leaned your head against his shoulder and he instinctively put his head on yours. It was the best place in the galaxy and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Tagging: @dukeoftheblackstar @staycalmandhugaclone

#captain rex x reader #captain rex x gn reader #captain rex x aroace reader #captain rex x ace reader #captain rex fanfiction #tcw fanfiction #reader insert #rex anon

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