#they r the only thing keeping me sane rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

medicaltechnician · 5 months

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idk if its the late nights and lack of activity (my own fault) but i’ve been feeling like i need out of this friend group more and more. Idk what it is (i do, it just seems… petty and stupid. And just seems like a me problem not a them problem.)

problem ofc is that, there are a couple people i like as friends in the group. hell fuck i love them all and don’t want them out of my life completely. sort of wish that I didn’t have my ex out of my life completely. Maybe one day we can reconnect. But we both have to be more mature for that. We both need more growth. No idea how he’s doing.

I feel like I villified him a bit in my brain. Which was urged by my closest friend. Who I trust with my life so. (this was after I confessed maybe I have problems with him to to this friend. which was valid). Idk, people approach things differently. And I agree’d with my friend.

I think its a problem with how I talk. I guess I come off in absolutes? Idk. I give off, strange vibes when I talk. This tangent makes no sense to anybody but me.

But also, can’t just, drop em? They’re sort of my only friend group. It ain’t like I get out and about. I don’t mesh well with people. It sort of sucks that the most I’ve meshed well with is my ex, my bestie, and another friend. My ex is no contact so fuck me ig. My bestie is pre-occupied with other things and personally, I feel we’ve drifted a bit. I’m not too bothered by it? It’s neither of our faults, just taking different life paths. Also going from complete co-dependency to what we have now. What we have now is probably just normal friendship lmao. And then the other friend is a couple years younger than me, so obviously they do have their set of friends within their age group. Which I encourage them hanging out, like obviously. I see myself as more of an older brother figure ig. Try to part some wisdom I’ve gained. Then theres my crush and obviouslt rhats a mess, I wish I never had a crush on him so we could have a normal relationship. I wish I could have friends?? Idk. what am I talking bout?

So, yeah. I need to get out of the house more often so I can meet like-minded people (in the creative and path sense) so I can actually do the things I want to do. I don’t even need to be a producer or lead or director. Fuck I’m happy starting from the bottom and working my way up. (Ideal situation is mainly being on equal footing. I want people to give their input and ideas to my ideas, and vise versa)

#ker talks #it’s strange nowadays i feel like when i reach out im being annoying or smth #whether im reaching out for positive stuff or negative #when i do i rarely get a satisfactory response in my mind. feels like i’m being brushed off.#or ya know i’d like to hold a conversation thats got some meat to it? but it fizzles out #shit wondering if my bestie even wants to talk to me.#last time I came over I was hoping to watch jerma together and we did-ish. he sort of was textin/interacting with his crush #or just on his phone idk. call me a boomer but it bugs me when people r on their phone in a one on one situation #I understand if it’s a bigger group or if ya just checking it #but it seemed fuckin constant. it sucked. shit.#its worse when we get high together esp since i only get high alone so i tend to scroll a bit too #but itd be nice if when we got high we did stuff together esp in person next time we hang out i’ll keep note of this stuff and bring it up #just to make sure i aint making it up. esp cause i feel like im being stupidly jealous bout this #i see him interact with others? whats different bout me. he said he feels comfortable actually unmasking round me #and i know interaction drains him and fuck he went through so much and is trying his hardest to stay alive and sane rn #so idk i dont want to put more on his plate. but its fucking me up a bit too.#hell one of the things we went thru together. reacted differently and affected differently cause slightly different situations.#its honestly one of my working theories on why we drifted cause we keep reminding eachother of that night by interacting.#it sucks. alot. i dont want to be reminded of my failures. of the fact it traumatized him so fuckinf deeply and i failed.#and then i feel guilty for even feeling like shit bout the event cause i didnt have /that/ happen to me i just happrned to be there.#i need a goddamn professional to sort this out. it sucks ass. and i hate that it fuels my self hate #both to do with my inability to protect and feeling insignificant. overshadowed. thats the worse feeling of it all.

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midoribai · 9 months

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honestly at least it's not those blue ones the twitter population uses...

- 🎐

what did u say i didnt hear u

#ooc: mod nishi !~ ☆#okay. last one. m sorry #on the verge of a breakdown rn. these emojis r the only thing keeping me sane i love them so bad .

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hdmiports · 1 year

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my sister broke my headphones 🙃

#hdmiports #i haven’t gone anywhere without them in over a year and idk what to do now 🙃🙃🙃🙃#i cant even be mad bc she didn’t mean to but they’re literally the only thing that keeps me sane lmao #like do i have other earbuds yes but my on-ears r like a security blanket #i cant afford to just replace them rn either lmao #love having literally 3 dollars to my name 🙃🙃

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gunmetal-ring · 1 year

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anon again. i'm sorry that i keep coming to you with this depressing messages but you seem like one of the few sane ppl in this fandom and i appreciate your honesty.

truth is im feeling really disillusioned with hellcheer lately. we don't have a lot of "canon" content so after a while, it gets tiring going thru the same 2 scenes over and over again (especially when one of them involves chrissy's death). ive been relying on fandom but it seems like it's slowed down. fics arent updated as frequently, not a lot of new artwork.

heck, even joe and grace have moved on. joe's career is taking off. grace is leaving acting. it just feels like everything that happened last summer has come to an end :(

Aw anon thats okay. Ty for thinking of my feelings though 💓 (and also im flattered that you think im sane lmao)

Unfortunately its the way things go, especially with small ships, especially especially in a fandom as hostile as this one is. People come together and build community and share their love for characters and then g(r)o(w) their separate ways again.

But not everybody does! You and me, for example. And ive got plenty of hellcheer mutuals that seem perfectly content to draw, write, and rb their little hearts out.

I for one am absolutely astounded that theres even a fandom for hellcheer, let alone one with such talent and breadth and depth of love! Our characters had 2 scenes. Our girl was killed just as it all began. Our boy died with her name on his lips. In all likelihood we will never see them together on our screens again.

But somehow. Those ~10 minutes managed to foster an entire community of people and keep us engaged and in love w the characters for almost a year at this point! With no dangling promises or false hope or anything! Like we all know the score and we still go hard for hellcheer. Incredible.

Idk maybe it's just bc ive only had brainworms like this for 2 other ships and 1 of them is even smaller and the other one is a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions, so im a little biased in terms of community/fandom, but im just like... idk. I think its really incredible thats all. And a testament to the very real power and truth of hellcheer 🥰

All i can say anon is that the best way to keep a fandom/ship going is engagement. Likes on tumblr and kudos on ao3 are great. But whats even better and more motivating (and i say this as a fic writer/meme shitposter so im speaking the total truth lol) is reblogs and comments. Tell people how much you love their work and how much it means to you, it goes a very long way. And on the flip side of that - stay out of the infighting. All it does is sap your mental energy and the fandom infighting bullshit is a major contributor to why people leave. The negativity and bitterness warp your perspective and make it really hard to remember what we're here for - it's not anti-st*ddie or anti-qu*nn stans or anti-anti-hellcheer or what the fuck ever. We're here for hellcheer!

Sorry my $0.02 is now $2.00 bc i ramble lol its a fatal flaw of mine. Anyway im sorry if this is annoyingly positive or dismissive but im in a strangely upbeat mood rn so there you have it

#im not getting into the whole joe/grace career stuff bc ive talked abt it a million times and i dont want to invite more bad faith anons #op #hellcheer #ask #anon

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crispplant · 5 months

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TWST BUT ITS MY STONER HCS FOR THEM I GUESS

guys I don’t know how to make the text a diff color how do I do that. NVM I FIFURED IT OUT

Anyways um my hcs for twst gang on whether or not they smoke b. C I’m high rn & I want to

HEARTSLABYUL

Riddle: u look me in the eye & tell me he hasn’t tried taking a hit at least once. He broke the rules like once when he was younger he’s definitely done it again. Trey & Chenya offered him a hit once btw I was there. I think it was just a one time thing for him tho, he did it once & decided he didn’t like it so he hasn’t done it since

Ace: not a stoner and has not smoked before, but deffo wants to. If u asked him to join a sesh he’d be like hell yeah & then be internally shitting himself bc it’s his first time smoking. Gets the munchies when he’s high (bro would luv Taco Bell btw)

Deuce: somehow I think he hasn’t yet. wants to try it but also a lil nervous abt it idk. would only smoke with ppl hes totally comfy with (ace, yuu, u get it)

Cater: trying to fight off the demons telling me he’d be a stoner but like. I just feel like he Could be ynk. Actually. I think he’s the type to only have hit pens before. I think he has a pen. Bro probably suddenly panics and pats down all his pockets going “where’s my pen”. I mean this in the most endearing way I luv him okay

Trey: also fighting off the demons telling me he’d be a stoner. I thinkkkk……I think he would not be a stoner but he’d be so chill w someone being like do u wanna join a sesh. I think he’s used to chenya smoking so he’d be so good at babysitting anyone who needs to be watched if they get a lil too high ynk. the big brother instinct kicks in & he’s like “okay you need to Sit down” (and sat I will be🫡)

SAVANACLAW

Leona: oh man. Oh man. Leona’s a stoner & I know bc I smoke w him btw. it just feels right ynk idk I just think he needs Smthn to keep him sane at that school and I just think part of it is weed. He shares w ruggie sometimes bc they’re actually bestest friends in the whole wide world obvi.

Ruggie: I think he picks up for whenever leona buys another ounce. He’s like walking thru the halls of nrc w an ounce on him & if anyone asks him abt it he’s just like haha idk what u mean. really only smokes w leona but will always say yes to a sesh if he’s invited. Deffo gets munchies & cooks up some banger meals for him & whoever he’s with. Coughs like a mf tho. He’ll be like choking so bad & leona has to be like “r u good”.

Jack: no. He’d just side eye someone if he smells weed on them. The way dogs do ynk. That’s all

OCTAVINELLE

Azul: no 1 azul hater tries to make hc for azul that doesn’t include being mean to him challenge. Level impossible. um . He um . I think no, he definitely watches the tweels get high & goes what the hell.freaks. but I don’t think he’s ever rlly felt compelled to smoke anyways

Jade: o ya. Ya. Hes so a stoner. I do think he prefers shrooms & grows his own but he enjoys getting high from anything natural 🫶

Floyd: u look me in the eye & tell me this freak isn’t a stoner. He’s probably stoned more days than not esp during class idfk. He gets rlly quiet if he gets high enough tho. He just has many thoughts.

SCARABIA

Kalim: another one I’m split on idk. I rlly think it could go either way. Ummmmm ok he smokes occasionally & gets a lil paranoid whenever he’s high enough but knows how to just 🤫 sit quietly with his thoughts and talk himself thru it

Jamil: stoner. Same reasons as leona I think, he just needs smthn to decompress sometimes. will NOT smoke w kalim bc he feels the need to babysit him always. Probably smokes every night after kalims asleep just so he doesn’t have to worry abt anything 🙏

POMEFIORE

Vil: not a stoner but will occasionally smoke. weed has health benefits but the actual smoke will fuck up his vocal chords if he does it enough so he only does it sometimes 🤫

Rook: no. As much as I want to say yes I feel like he’s enough of a freak to enjoy being sober all the time ynk. He’s probably like *french accent* “augh non✨smouqing marajuanna will dull my senses✨I preghfer to stay aleghrt and awaghre at aull times” idk

Epel: oh this kid has been smoking since middle school for sure. He’s made an apple into a pipe once. Doesn’t smoke as much as like leona or jamil but he’s definitely up there. Vil isn’t super fond of the smell of weed so he has to sneak around outside to do anything (unless vil joins).

IGNIHYDE

Idia: this man has never touched weed in his life. He starts getting paranoid before his first hit. I don’t have much to say abt him I don’t know. Oh I do feel like he’s done acid tho?? Idk. He gets nervous abt weed but he just kinda popped a tab once & went on a journey & was fine abt it.

Ortho: um nuh uh. Can he um….would he even be able to….like..inhale…………..sry um anyways. He is not allowed to do drugs anyways

DIASOMNIA

Malleus: He’s gotten high before but he got so paranoid & then hungry & then he passed out for 12 hours so he’s not fond of it. I think if yuu asked him to join a sesh he’d agree tho. He’d be like “haha. Childof man. Of course I will smoke with you. And nothing bad will happen.”

Lilia: HELLLL YEAH HES A STONER. Oh he’s sooo a stoner he knows his shit too he has like five different strains & he’s like do u want this one or this one or this one. Is so so good at taking care of ppl too. Has been thru it all so🫶would be very good to smoke w if it’s ur first time. Also very big advocate for no peer pressuring. Always makes sure everyone’s comfy & not freaking out.

Silver: not a stoner definitely but he’s probably smoked like once or twice. Probably takes the best naps after. But took a bong rip once & did not have a good time. Too much too fast. The room was spinning & he had to lay down.

Sebek: so not a stoner but has smoked one(1) time when mal did. he got so quiet & in his head & ppl kept being like “😟are u okay” bc he wasn’t yelling. Lilia was good abt checking in on him. He was fine he just had so so many thoughts in his brain.

Ok that’s all ty 4 reading🤞🤞

Anyways remember if ur gonna be under the influence of anything 2 stay safe, stay smart, & if soemone tried to peer pressure u into anything then bite them rlly hard🫶

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pepperonijem · 1 year

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vii. a dream within a dream || all my love

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream ." - A Dream Within a Dream; Edgar Allan Poe

Summary: bucky barnes ocassionally lives out his dream of being a hallmark holiday movie protagonist. only on weekends. Pairing: Bucky Barnesx f!Reader Warnings: food mentions Word Count: 2.8k A/N: sorry for the random hiatus. it has been a very difficult last two weeks, with school, the passing of one of my favorite artists, and just general business of life... but here y'all goooo

previous chapter || back to library || next chapter

“Bucky,” Steve sighed in frustration. “You’ve missed the turn three times already. We’ve been circling this block for twenty minutes.”

“Steven, with all due respect, please shut up so I can see better.”

“I’ll shut up when you finally make the –” Steve was cut off by Bucky making a sharp left turn and he grabbed the handle above his window. “Oh my god, this isn’t Mario Kart, use your brakes.”

“Well I made the turn didn’t I?” Bucky huffed at Steve as he readjusted his wheel. Thankfully, the streets weren’t too busy at this time of night. Bucky glanced over at Steve who let out a chortle of disbelief.

“I guess that’s true,” he admitted.

“So why was everyone being so weird earlier?” Bucky asked, referring to the weird shift in events that occurred when he stopped at Scott’s house.

The question seemed to catch Steve off guard as he let out a surprised cough. “Weird? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about why Natasha seemed to be hauling your ass to the front door, and how Wanda suddenly got food poisoning less than half an hour after I called her,” Bucky said flatly, glancing over at Steve, who was staring outside of the window, pretending to be interested in the empty and clear night sky.

“Oh that? You know Wanda has IBS, she’s really sensitive about it,” Steve replied a little too quickly.

“Okay…” Bucky dragged out. He very well knew that Wanda did not have irritable bowel syndrome, having eaten many meals with her.

Steve turned back around to face him. “Why did you only ask Natasha and Wanda to go with you?” he asked in return.

Now it was Bucky who was caught off guard. “Well, they’re uh… they’re the most entertaining people to roadtrip with.” The words left his mouth a little too quickly and Steve responded with an unconvinced nod.

“Oh, I’m sure Sam would be happy to hear that,” Steve teased. Bucky rolled his eyes with a huff.

“What are you doing right now?” Bucky asked as he noticed Steve rummaging through the glove compartment of his car.

“Looking for snacks,” Steve replied, as if it was obvious. “I didn’t get a chance to eat dinner.” As if on cue, Bucky’s own stomach began to rumble. He hadn’t really had the chance to eat all day, choosing to spend all of his time planning this surprise rather than making meals. He was slightly annoyed, but saw that they managed to make up for some time and had a bit of lee-way before they needed to be at the airport.

Without looking down, he reached down and handed his phone to Steve. “Look for a fast-food place and we can grab something to eat.” Steve hummed in response, unlocking Bucky’s phone.

“Uh, Bucky,” Steve announced, looking up from the phone with a hint of panic. “You have a lot of missed messages and calls from your roomie.”

“Shit,” Bucky cursed under his breath. At the next stoplight, he grabbed his phone back to check the messages, and sure enough, there was a slew of notifications all from you.

neighbor 💩 (8:10 p.m.): jimothy where r u rn

neighbor💩 (8:10 p.m.): if you’re out can u pick up mcdonald’s pls, i’m craving chicken nuggets

neighbor💩 (8:13 p.m.): nvm, i think i actually want taco bell

neighbor💩 (8:15 p.m.): OR ACTUALLY, aren’t u hanging out with everyone tonight? Can u bring home some of the soup wanda makes? it’s the only thing keeping me sane rn

neighbor💩 (8:35 p.m.): Why is my dad calling and asking me where you are

neighbor💩 (8:37 p.m.): Why is Wanda saying you’re not at Scott’s house and that you and Steve are taking a roadtrip together

neighbor💩 (8:39 p.m.): if you are with Steve tell him to answer his phone before I find him and leave him stranded in the woods myself

(3) Missed calls from neighbor💩 8:40 p.m.

Neighbor 💩 (8:50 p.m.): James Barnes i swear to god… i can’t believe you didn’t tell me my dad’s coming in!!

Neighbor 💩 (8:51 p.m.): u better be driving safe… that’s precious cargo

Neighbor 💩 (8:52 p.m.): anyway i haven’t decided if i’m mad or happy that you planned this whole thing without telling me… find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z

“By any chance,” Steve started sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked down at his own phone. “Is this supposed to be a surprise?”

“That’s correct,” Bucky confessed, setting his phone down as the light turned green once again. “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, not anymore,” Steve said sheepishly.

Bucky looked at him, eyes wide with panic. “You told her?” He asked loudly.

Steve raised his hands in defense. “I didn’t know! You know I’m terrible with secrets,” he pouted.

Bucky took a deep breath, calming himself down. “It’s fine,” he said. “It’s fine. I mean, it’s fine. It’s fine right?”

Steve nodded back. “It’ll be fine,” he echoed. “At least we’re almost there.”

After a half an hour, the boys finally arrived at the airport.

They were greeted by the familiar figure waiting at the curb with an excited smile and a friendly wave. As Bucky pulled the car into a stop, he took a deep breath before getting out of the car to help his guest load into the car.

“Bucky!” your dad exclaimed as he pulled him into a warm hug that Bucky wasn’t really expecting. “Nice to see you.” He peeked over Bucky’s shoulder to see Steve waving to him from the passenger’s seat.

“Steve, is that you?” He asked with a cheerful smile as Steve nodded sheepishly. He too received a hug through the window, before entering the car himself.

As they headed home, the three boys in the car found themselves in pleasant conversation as they caught up on life.

“How’s your application going, Steve?” Your father asked from the back seat.

Steve hesitated, looking out the window as he finally answered. “I uh, I sent it in last month. Just waiting to hear back from them.”

As if noticing a shift in Steve’s demeanor, he switched his focus to the boy in the driver’s seat. “What about you, Bucky? What are your plans for next year?”

Just like Steve, Bucky hesitated before answering. “I think I’m going into education,” he exclaimed, as if the words surprised him as well.

“Oh education?” Your dad hummed thoughtfully. “Your dad always thought you would go into engineering or something science-y. What made you decide on education?”

Bucky smiled as he replied. “A good talk with a good friend.” He didn’t miss the way Steve looked at him with an eyebrow raised, but decided not to mention it.

An hour later, Bucky pulled into the driveway and put his car in park. He hadn’t even opened his door before the back seat passenger door was being swung open and he heard your voice ring in his ear.

“Dad!” you called, pulling him out of the car and into a warm embrace. As Steve and Bucky got out of the car you immediately latched on to both of them as well, surprising Bucky. Maybe hugging runs in the family? He thought.

“Bucky,” you said firmly, now pulling away from him. Your eyebrows were furrowed together and your eyes looked glassy and— were you mad?

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m— I thought it would be a cool surprise and I—”

“Why are you apologizing?” You asked incredulously. “This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Now you had wrapped him into another hug, but Bucky let himself relax, relieved that you weren’t pissed off at him.

Before he could say anything else, you had already moved on to Steve, joking with him about how he sucks at keeping a secret, and inviting him to stay just a little bit longer before heading home. Steve nodded sheepishly, even after seeing the 11:57 p.m. blare at him from his phone screen as he checked the time.

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek, thinking to himself that it was weird for him to find your mix of emotions and giddy excitement so endearing. However, he found himself still leaning against the car, in awe that he managed to pull this surprise off. Part of him felt like the protagonist of a Hallmark Christmas movie, moving heaven and earth for the girl he lo–

Bucky let out a cough, not letting himself finish the thought.

As he watched you drag Steve into the house, Bucky found himself alone with your dad who was still gathering the last of his things from the trunk.

“Oh, let me get that for you,” Bucky insisted as he grabbed one of the bags.

Your dad thanked him as he shut the trunk, turning to face Bucky but making no effort to move toward the door of the house.

“Bucky,” he called, his voice much softer than it was at the airport. “I’m guessing she’s the ‘good friend?’” he pat Bucky on the shoulder as he nodded sheepishly, looking down at the ground.

“Let me give you some advice, kiddo. Don’t think too much, life is so much better when you don’t.” With that, he also made his way inside, leaving Bucky alone in the icy chill of the night.

What did he mean by that? Bucky thought. I think a healthy amount, no more and no less, in fact, if I wanted to stop thinking right now I could. See? I did it. For a whole 5 seconds I stopped thinking. Or maybe he—

“Penny for your thoughts?” Bucky’s ears perked up at the sound of your voice. You walked over to where he was leaning against the hood of the car, looking into the night sky.

“I’m not really thinking about anything,” Bucky shook his head. “At least, nothing important.”

He looked down as you handed him a blanket.

“Well if you’re gonna sit here and think about nothing important, you should at least stay warm,” He unraveled the blanket, placing one side around his shoulders and extending his arm as an invitation.

“Join me for a bit?” Bucky surprised himself as he asked the question, and had to resist the urge to tense up when you shifted closer and allowed him to wrap the other side of the blanket around your shoulder.

Thankfully, the silence that followed was peaceful, and when you broke it with a quiet voice, he found himself leaning closer to hear you.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“For what?” He asked, giving you a gentle nudge, inviting you to speak up.

“For everything,” you answered. “For every late night study session, for bringing me back tea and croissants when you go to the cafe, for bringing my dad here. I feel like you’ve done so much for me, and I’ve just been kind of… a parasite since the beginning.”

Bucky felt his heart lurch at your words. A parasite? How could you think of yourself that way?

Your father’s words echoed in his head once again. Stop thinking so much, he told himself.

So he turned to you, and told you exactly how he felt. “You’re not a parasite, you’re a catalyst.”

You scoffed out a laugh, playfully punching him on the shoulder. “What does that mean?”

Bucky rubbed his arm, pretending to be in pain as you rolled your eyes at him. “It means,” he began. “That the moment you walked through that door, everything changed.”

“For the better, I hope,” you added.

“Well, for reference, I was finally invited to one of Tony’s exclusive karaoke parties. He said I’m a lot more fun these days. I even sang a song.”

You raised your eyebrow at him in curiosity. “Oh? What song?”

He shook his head, refusing to tell you, until you poked his side and he all but fell. “Dancing Queen by ABBA,” he admitted in embarrassment. “Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing, I didn’t laugh,” you said with your lips pursed tightly together, trying hard to fight a chuckle. “What did you score?”

“100.”

“No way.”

Bucky nodded sheepishly as you finally let out your laughter.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” you relented with a nod. “The Bucky I met in August would have vomited at the thought. I guess I may have rubbed off on you a little.”

“See? This is a symbiotic relationship.” Bucky chuckled, playfully punching your shoulder.

“Alright, alright,” you relented, pulling the blanket off yourself and turning to extend your hand to Bucky. “Now let’s head inside so we don’t freeze.”

A cozy meal and a few board games later, the clock read 4 a.m. and everyone was starting to lose it. Your dad had turned in two hours ago, after the first round of Monopoly ended with you claiming total domination and Steve and Bucky going bankrupt. After you begged your father to stay up, he promised he would only take a nap and that he’d be up by seven a.m. to get breakfast with you.

Still full of energy from the day’s excitement, you forced Steve and Bucky to stay up with you to play a round of Catan, only for you to be falling asleep halfway through it.

“Steve,” Bucky groaned sleepily as he lazily dropped the dice out of his hands. “Make us more coffee–”

He was cut off by Steve slapping his hand over his mouth. “Shhh.” Bucky sat up and slapped his hand away. “She’s finally knocked out.”

Sure enough, your soft snores were coming from the couch as you lay there peacefully, giving Bucky and Steve time to finally escape. Steve got up first, trying his best to move silently.

“I’m gonna make a cup of coffee before I head out,” Steve whispered to Bucky who nodded.

As Steve headed to the kitchen, he tried to stand up carefully from his spot on the floor in front of the couch you were on. He didn’t make it very far before he heard you call out to Bucky.

“Stay?” your voice came out with the softest puff of air, and he wondered if he imagined it.

If Bucky had any more self control, he would have walked away.

But when you reached your hand out in search of his, how could he bring himself to leave?

So instead he knelt back down beside you and decided that once again, he would stop thinking and let himself be in the moment. And in that moment, he was well aware of how his heart hammered against his chest and how his lips were quirked into a smile. Have you always been cute, or was the lack of sleep finally getting to him? Chalking it up to his sleepy deliriousness, he allowed himself to be just a little reckless.

He looked down at where your hand was still in his, and with his free hand reached up to brush a hair out of your face, his hand freezing when he felt your hand twitch in his. Your face grimaced just a little bit at the disturbance and he finally let out a breath when it settled back into a look of peace.

“Sleep well,” he whispered out before giving your hand one final squeeze as he pulled away, taking note of how cold his hands suddenly felt. He balled his hand into a fist and quickly opened it again, aware of all the blood rushing back into his fingertips.

As he stood to drape a blanket over your sleeping figure, he noticed Steve had returned from the kitchen.

“She’s out,” Bucky informed Steve who nodded back absent-mindedly, not quite looking at him. “Do you want a ride back to Scott’s?”

“Hmm?” Steve hummed before finally turning to Bucky. “Oh, no it’s fine, it’s a short walk and the weather is nice tonight.”

“You sure?” Bucky asked with his hands in his pockets, stifling a yawn.

“Yeah,” Steve nodded back with a small smile. “The coffee woke me up.”

Bucky relented and walked Steve to the door before finally making his way into his own bed. Against his better judgment, he found himself replaying the few minutes you sat outside with him, looking at the stars.

He let out a sigh, reaching for the book that rested on his side table, Pride and Prejudice, untouched since the day he read it at the cafe. However, he did not grab the book itself, but rather the bookmark that kept his page – a pink envelope still sealed, addressed to him.

Maybe one day I’ll open it, he thought to himself. But not today.

And with that, Bucky slipped into a deep slumber.

Maybe I’ll dream of you.

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