Last day of the month art speedrun pt 1

Day 25, Karma 3

Day 27, Backflip

Day 26 under the cut because trypophobia spearmaster again

As If Nothing Happened

Summary: Colson and the reader have been in each others’ lives since before middle school, secretly dated for two years, and suddenly vanished from one another. Years later, they accidentally reconnect and the pair share what has been on their minds since their falling out.

 The smell of liquor mixed with cheap cigarettes filled the air as (Y/N) watched the digital ball spiral around the board before her once more. All around were people--moving, talking, leaning against walls, pacing hurriedly past her, sitting too close, slurring their words, laughing with friends...living. Of the years (Y/N) had been coming to Las Vegas as a sort of annual tradition, she never came to gamble; she came to see the people, because even it's for the smallest of moments, on October 23rd, she needed to be distracted from her own life.

For nine years on October 22nd and 23rd, (Y/N) would make the trip to Vegas on her own, sit in casinos alone, play roulette, and think about the countless possible outcomes her life could have taken if only she could have changed something that happened ten years ago. So far, this year was much like every other: people continued living around her while a part of herself died over and over each year she came to this forsaken city of sin.

Absentmindedly, she placed a small bet on red-even, and sighed as she watched the digital ball spin around yet again. How many times? she thought to herself as her eyes trailed the ball. How many times will I come here? How many times can I stand to watch this ball go round and round throughout the years? The agony over her regret wasn't something she felt she could ever let go of despite how desperately she knew she needed to. Just as the ball earned her an extra two dollars of wealth, (Y/N) noticed a woman wearing next to nothing walk up to her and place a drink beside her arm without making eye contact. The icy green liquid surrounded a bright red maraschino cherry, and she wondered why her favorite drink was sitting before her. If she ever decided to drink on one of her Vegas trips, it was normally a sad drink like wine. It's not uncommon for people to turn their sorrows into vices, but she didn't want to ever be the woman crying over a vodka cranberry or a piña colada. If she let a tear slide over a Riesling, blush, or merlot, that was a different story. In this case, she didn't want to ruin the pleasant memories she had while drinking apple martinis with the sorrow she had in her heart that seemed to grow exponentially on these two days of the years.

"Excuse me," she called out just before the woman was too far away to regain her attention. "I didn't order this," (Y/N) explained once her eyes met those of the waitress.

"From the man at the bar," was the only response (Y/N) received before the woman sauntered away to attend to another patron. That sums it up, she thought to herself, as if there's not about fifty men at the bar. It wasn't that (Y/N) was interested in seeing who had bought her a drink, or even taking in the appearances of the men gathered at the bar not far behind her, rather the curiosity as to how someone happened to pick that drink to send her. After exhaling a sharp breath, she allowed her head to swivel on her neck and she swiftly took one glance towards the bar. Unfortunately for her, that quick glance was all too much, since a pair of crystal blue eyes stared at her from beneath the scraggly bleach blonde hair that overlapped them. Even across the room his eyes were piercing, and she could feel her stomach convulse into angry knots.

Him? What is he doing here? After all these years, why now?

(Y/N) tried not to watch as the man slowly rose from the bar stool he'd been reclining in, and made his way towards her. She came here to be alone, that was always the plan, that's how it had always been, and now, after damn near ten years, he's here. As he closed the gap between himself and the woman he'd spotted, as if by fate, from across the room, he gazed hesitantly down over her. Nearly a decade had passed since he'd last seen her--at least in person--and she was still as beautiful as the last time he'd laid eyes on her.

"Can we talk?" his voice was soft and low as he tried not to draw the attention of passersby. (Y/N) bit her lip as her heart turned to lead and plummeted to her knees at how soothing she still found that voice to be. Feeling as if she had no other option but to agree, (Y/N) nodded, but she did all she could to keep her eyes from meeting those of the man she knew as Colson, but the world know as Machine Gun Kelly.

After she'd cashed out of the roulette game, she hopelessly followed him as he tried to find a private place in the middle of a casino in Las Vegas. She knew it was damn near impossible, but Colson had always been...well, Colson. If he was determined enough to do something, damn it he was going to. Today however, he decided not to be stubborn, and since he quickly noticed (Y/N) becoming impatient, he led her to a fountain outside of the casino and sat down on the edge without a word. (Y/N) placed herself beside him and stared at their shadows on the ground before them.

There had been so many times in her life that she'd stared at her and Colson's shadows as they stretched across the pavement because she'd been unable to look him in the eyes: in middle school just after he'd gotten into a fight to defend her about some stupid, inaccurate rumor and she felt ashamed, the summer before she started high school after moving to Cleveland when she learned Colson had also moved to Cleveland and was relieved to have a friend, in high school after him and his girlfriend were arguing over something stupid and (Y/N) had to hold her tongue about the feelings she had for him creeping into her chest, and the day she told him she was pregnant.

Long moments of silence passed without anything more than each of them occasionally raising their drinks to their lips and scanning the crowd around them. Neither of the pair could stand to look the other in the eye. It was too painful for either of them to see the other without thinking of the countless possibilities and outcomes that had plagued each of their minds for the past nine years.

"So, how have you been?" he asked in a voice so small compared to how big he had become.

"Fine," (Y/N) responded in just as soft of a tone as Colson's. "You seemed to have accomplished everything you used to dream about," she said as a way to try and break through the tension that surrounded them.

"Yeah," Colson sighed as he gave in and allowed himself to sneak a glimpse of her profile, "almost everything." Another long silence passed where the pair that had once been inseparable struggled to exist around each another. He would stare at his drink and she would look to the shadows, each subconsciously drawing themselves to their individual flavors darkness that swallowed them the moment they left the other's life; yet they each held their breath in hips that the other would speak again.

A steady stream of air escaped Colson's lips as he tried to bring about the courage to say the word's he'd been dying to relay to (Y/N) had he ever been blessed with the chance to meet her again. Unfortunately, she found courage before he did.

"What are you doing here, Col?" The words she felt as if she'd been choking on for the past ten minutes had finally escaped her mouth. She could tell her voice was hurt, and she didn't intend on hiding any of that pain. In fact, hearing the weakness in her tone sent a lump into Colson's throat, and he quickly brought his eyes to look at her. She'd always been strong; it was something he loved about her, but after the past nine years of thinking, he'd realized it was something he'd taken advantage of. Just because she was strong didn't mean she couldn't be vulnerable, but it was in her moments of vulnerability that Colson could feel his heart break. As his eyes fell over (Y/N), he couldn't help but ache. She sat beside him, slumped over, her back completely curved with no posture to her other than the obvious desire to crumble into a fetal position.

"I- uh, I was going to come next year, but I know I'm not going to be in the States then, so I came on the nine year anniversary instead of the tenth." Softly, his fingertips found her arm and he gently traced his fingers along her skin. (Y/N) swallowed her pain with a gulp of her martini and pulled back her tears.

"I didn't realize you were that sentimental." The words nearly fell from her lips in a hiss hat it not been for them getting caught in her throat.

"(Y/N), I-"

"I have been here every year, Colson," she sighed heavily as she turned her head and body to face him completely. "Where were you? LA? New York? Half-way across the world? You know, there was a time that you made it seem like you wanted me to be there, and then the second things changed, you were gone!" The tears she'd desperately tried to keep from spilling began to fall slowly from her eyes and crated agonizing streaks of sorrow for him to look at.

"I wanted it more than anything else!" Colson's restraint snapped as he took (Y/N)'s face in his hands and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "I wanted that child, (Y/N). I wanted to have you and our baby--I wanted our family! When we lost him, I just, I didn't know what to do or how to react. I felt you pushing me further and further away every day and I didn't know what to do."

"So you drove to LA and became someone else?" (Y/N) asked with an emptiness in her voice that he hadn't heard since she repeatedly told him "I'm fine," every time he asked about her mental state after losing their son.

"I asked you to come with me! I told you we could start over, we could try again if that's what we wanted!"

"I was nineteen, Colson."

"So are you saying you wouldn't have wanted to have a child?" (Y/N) could feel Colson's walls rising as he misinterpreted her words as rejection. "You wanted him when it was an accident," he immediately tried to counter, "what would have been different?"

"Nothing!" (Y/N) snapped as she brought herself to look into his eyes for the first time since she saw him at the bar. "Don't you see that I have no idea that anything would have happened differently? I had just, suddenly, became inhospitable for our unborn son. Who was I to think that any other child we could conceive would be different?" Her words were firm and felt louder than they were as they left her body. (Y/N) shook as the fear she'd held onto for nine years escaped her lips. The truth that hung from the strands of sentences she'd blurted out were difficult for Colson to grasp, but he did his damnedest to try to hold onto each syllable that came from her mouth, each momentary glance she would give him, and every detail of her face he could gather. "I just needed you. I need you, Col, not to move or start over or become something we weren't. I just needed you to tell me it wasn't my fault, that I didn't fuck everything up, that it wasn't because of me that our son was dead, that I wasn't the reason we left one another's lives, but you were gone."

Colson tried to stretch his fingers down (Y/N)'s arm and take her hand in his, but he could feel her muscles tense beneath her skin, so he stopped and lightly laid his hand on her forearm. "(Y/N), I never wanted to make you feel like-"

"Look, it's been almost ten years since we've seen each other. You don't have to do or say anything because you saw me here today. Honestly, sometime I think that after everything we shared together--the loneliness, our friendship, our relationship, all of it--it doesn't matter, because in the end...the way it ended...it was as if nothing happened."

"(Y/N), please don't say that." Colson's voice was weak--hardly a whisper drifting through the small space that separated them--and he knew her eyes wouldn't meet his again. He wanted to stand up and wrap his arms around her, to pull her into his chest and keep her from walking away, but he didn't know what he could say, or if there was anything he could say to keep her with him.

"Thanks for the drink, Colson," (Y/N) sighed as she walked away from the man she once loved--the man she, on some level, will always love--and down the Las Vegas Strip. Colson's eyes helplessly followed as (Y/N) as she slowly disappeared from his sight until she became just another figure hidden among the sea of people before him. The moment he'd lost sight of her gait amongst the crowd, he ducked his head into his hands, and watched his tears begin to soak the pavement below him.

Episode 6 - “The Level of Disgust I Have” - Karen

so i flopped in the arena.. but i do be staying sitting pretty considering the fact that i’ve survived every tribal with no votes even when my name is brought up! so cheers to that 

So I've just blown up the entire Miraitowa chat exposing Nicole and Jacob C as fantastic liars, yet Sammy doesnt have enough sense in his head to make his own decisions and go with the more trustworthy people. Honestly pray for a swap because this tribe is a fucking mess and the returnees are just picking off all the newbies, making this season boring as shit.

So, that boring ass alliance of 4 with Eve on the bottom probably wont break up for anything. That sucks, but I still have my extra vote. If Landen can win immunity, they'll all want to vote Eve, so then I can reveal to Eve and Landen I have an extra vote. Then we all vote together and make those bitches go to rocks and make this shit actually entertaining.

I honestly feel two things 1) I’m a fool and 2) I’m leaving this round. I just feel like it’s my time and it just sucks because I got played into doing all the dirty work for a bunch of stinky little men. So here’s the lowdown of what happened: I explained in my last confessional that we voted out Pete and that I felt like I was going to get fucked over because I was doing all the talking! Well. Essentially that. Basically when Pete came back there was a lot of information spilled and I was left to try to tell the truth without telling the whole truth (which was that we built this tribe to kill the newbies off which NOW IM NOT EVEN SURE IS TRUE.) So Landen tells us that Juls told Sammy and Jacob about her power, not just TOLD SAMMY AND JACOB. Offered to use her power on Jacob and Sammy. And they said NO and let it be used on Landen, essentially putting Kevin in the hot seat. So I’m kind of mad. I think I’m leaving this round like I just feel it in my gut but, maybe not. Who knows, who cares, I’m tired. 

Counting helped at my grandma's place to unwind. Not hearing boring, inane tripe from Darcy also helps. He's boring. I hate boring people. Also he voted for me, so why trust him? 

So I found out Eve left me for dead as well and she flips to them for no reason instead of talking to the person she’s been with since day 1. At the start i told her i’m watching her back for her and I’ve done that, now that I try talking to her out of fear for her safety, she doesn’t care to talk. It’s okay though that’s the game, it’s good that I know that now though so i don’t waste my extra vote lol

First off, I once again had no luck in the Olympic Village, nothing in the pool, so if something was there, someone else must have found the things already.  Secondly, a trio was formed between Tommy, Beck and I, where I already told both of them that I wanted to go to merge with them both, and that is 100% the truth, I trust those two the most on my tribe at the moment, and been having the best talks with them both in this game so far on my tribe.   So I would love making merge with the two of them.   Thirdly, I won individual immunity, which I actually think this is my first time winning individual immunity in an org, so am grateful to achieve that goal, although I didn't have to go all out to the 10k mark lmao.   Also, from what I got told from Tommy, Ben wanted to get me out if I had lost this immunity, so being safe feels that much greater, and I want Ben out now moment he isn't immune.  Plus had Ben call me a no lifer in the main chat after results got posted, so of course, I had to try to defend myself somewhat, as I'm not going to stand around and get claimed a no lifer, even though it is partially the truth due to being unemployed, but I do hang out with friends and stuff.  Anyways, Ben did apologize shortly afterwards for his words, which I appreciate the apology, but that doesn't change the fact that I want him out asap, since well he wants me out.   In terms of this vote though, if everything goes good, I think it will be Juls getting the boot, but we shall see what happens.  I am safe for this round, and made final 17, so no matter what I am safe, just hopefully my allies in Tommy and Beck can both survive this vote as well.

I think we've come to the end of the road for me, which sucks. I really don't want to lose this game, especially so early. I hate big casts, truly. Anyway, either way this night is gonna fuck me over. Two things could be happening tonight: 1) I get rid of Jacob and then Kevin is mad at me, Sammy is mad I got rid of Jacob, I sever my ties with Beck and Juls, I have to rely on my returnee ties and new newbie ties but, the new newbies don't like me either. So I'd essentially be screwed, but I've already promised it. 2) We get rid of Eve, and I lie to Eve, AGAIN. Which I really don't want to do. Although she's a little bit of a wishy washy woman, I don't want to betray Eve's trust because she's actually so sweet, and I'd value a friendship with her going forward in this game. I think I normally succeed in games where I can cultivate genuine friendships and feel like I truly have someone to rely on. I think I'm seeing that more and more with Kevin and Karen, but I don't know if that's 100% genuine either. Either way I'm not winning this game, so if I lose tonight I'll just reduce it down to I played too big too fast and I'll know better for next time around. Being the first winner out would really suck. But, I don't know. I'm just kind of nervous I ruined my game for people who don't care if I go and that's probably the worst feeling (and I'd know, seeing as I have gotten 0 votes at FTC, two times!) Anyway, I'll check back in later if we do come up with a plan that doesn't make me feel like utter shit, which is not likely at this point in time.

Y’all lemme tell you, Miraitowa is a fuckin mess fuck this tribe i can’t wait for the swap lmao. Okay so basically the voting block that took me out exploded and is eating itself. Jacob C and Nicole are telling the exact same story except they’re accusing the other person of creating the alliance and voting me. Honestly idc it was probably a team effort between the both of them, i’m trying to have the vote end up as the worst case possible for that alliance so it officially never reconnects. Here’s how it breaks down: Jacob C, Sammy, and Eve are all trying to get Nicole out. Nicole is trying to get Jacob C out. Kevin is a fuckin wild card, I thought he’d be with Nicole but who the fuck knows man. If Landen and I let Nicole go, we’d still be on the bottom of the same alliance minus Nicole so right now we need to confirm that Kevin is voting with Nicole and we can break apart some of Jacob’s connections. 

Oh my god a triple tribal council. Y'all can't give us a break?!?!?! This season is going to have the most tribal council I swear. This is at least an opportunity to get out Juls, who I think will be my biggest threat if I let her slip past this vote because she's dangerous and able to get along with so many people. This twist I think will prove to be a good way to get Juls out because she has to face two people and unless the other tribe puts total duds in terms of challenge competition she will go home if sent to the arena. As part of strategy when Ben told me he was coming for Darcy, I told Darcy right before he won immunity that Ben was after him but I said I heard it from Karen. This way it shows that Karen is willing to keep Darcy but it gives me more trust with Darcy than Karen because I was the one who told Darcy. We had a call Darcy, Beck, and Myself and finally made a trio alliance which I think will benefit me at certain points in the game because they may have really good potential to draw in people to work with. I think I convinced them I can draw in Karen as a makeshift fourth for our group to have a majority. However, I trust Karen for now in the long scheme I think I will just maintain a good standing with her but not tell them as much. As for now I'm just down with this plan Myself, Beck, Darcy, and Karen are going for to blindside Juls and hopefully my plan to get rid of Juls pans out and we are able to officially eliminate her. If we go to tribal again Ben makes an easy next boot, this keeps the 4 people I'm closest to on the tribe on the tribe as long as possible (Karen, Beck, Darcy, and Caeleb.) The only problems I see if Juls goes is that either she wins a Gold medal and/or Caeleb loses trust which both have a chance of happening but I think this risk will be worth the reward. It's a high risk high reward situation.    

People are quiet, and I hope it's because of inactivity Jordan and Emma seem fine with voting Sarah, and that should be all needed. Chris isn't responding but I don't think he's around. Sarah hasn't even read my message today lol

honestly at this point my tribe is a disaster and i feel like the prince, just sitting on my throne with immunity and looking down with a horrified gaze like... what the FUCK is happening... y'all-. Ever since when I was first blindsided by seeing Pete leave everything went insane. Sammy called for damage control, it was all obvious bullshit. i won the medal at the arena, thank the lord, i did intentionally volunteer knowing i NEEDED that bonus, but thank god i got it for individual immunity instead! i was able to *ahem* secure the bag, and i did that while also going as hard as i can with my social manipulation skills. everyone thought i was just some newbie or some quiet anxious guy that doesn't know how to crack the premade and will never be able to put up a fight but they were wrong. They should not have underestimated me because I was able to expose the lies they told themselves and each-other. In all their efforts to outplay one another, they ended up soiling their own defeat. i told nicole about how sammy/jacob omitted the information about juls' power, and i continuously threatened everyone through jokes to remind them 'I'm still counting, and I've been counting for 24 hours. I'm going to win immunity, and you'll have to turn on eachother.' this madness led to nicole throwing sammy/jacob under the bus right before challenge ended, and of course, they returned the favor. This has led to a paranoia induced voting period where honestly, i still don't even know what's happening. it's very likely the tribal is LIVE tonight. the fear and stress comes in in that i really don't want to lie to sammy after the conversations we had, i really want to be truthful with him. but thinking about my individual game, keeping Jacob C and Eve in just makes no sense. They both have no interest in working with me long term and they both are connected with a ton of people that I want to have loyalty to. Getting rid of them frees up Caeleb and Juls a little bit for me, so I would really like to take them down. But working with Nicole, Kevin, and Pete is going to put me in a tight spot where Sammy is furious, potentially with an idol, and feels like I was a hypocrite with him. That's going to be really hard. But Eve and Jacob are just. VERY bad for my game. They both limit my working relationships with other people a ton. They both make this game.. quite difficult to navigate for me. And they both have zero interest in working with me. It's hard to play Sammy like this, I am gonna feel awful for this. But, you gotta do what you gotta do, and with a swap possibly coming soon... This is what I gotta do. It's shark week (thanks Kevin) and blood is about to get shed. 

Hello I hate these hosts......all tribes going to tribal??????? The level of disgust I have .... so Ben returned after being voted kmssss I know mans will be gunning for me ugh I wish I won immunity but like Darcy fuckn snapped fhdgggg. So with this tribal coming up Darcy wants to take out juls, with me tommy and becks voting together. The only person I’m if-y on is becks atm bc becks is close to juls allegedly. Also caeleb and Juls haven’t been spoken to all day which is like yikes bc that could mean they’d vote for me, i think may I could throw becks under the bus just in case. Slim picking that’s for sure ugh why is the game like this. Also I’ve been talking to nicole and kev and they seem to be struggling on their tribe & hope neither go bc then I’d have to keep working with tommy lol /:. Also I’ve been told juls is the one who exiled Landon so 👀👀👀👀👀thats so suspect!!!!! Juls & becks seem kinda shady to me so I’m gonna have to monitor them. Ugh I hope I’m not getting played tonight or else it might just be bye bye Karen 

I’m in a peculiar position. I don’t want Eve to go, Jacob C is way bigger a threat to me but we have to keep nicole and that group is set on Eve....... god i’m hoping we’re right. 

hello confessional! i'm an awful person and this is the third time in an org that i've fucked over juls somehow and i feel terrible about it. unfortunately with the new alliance that tommy made for us voting out anyone else besides caeleb or juls was not an option and caeleb is rly good at challenges so.... but yeah! tonight fucking sucked. kinda hope juls comes back but i also don't bc she will be out for my blood and you know what? i deserve it

Nicole’s gone, I’m happy about it, it’s what she deserves truely. Over this stupid fucking tribe, CHOKE all of you

I feel really bad about this vote. I new Jacob was going home, but I had to vote with him to make sure that he’ll still be on my side if he comes back from arena. 

The game is getting spicy. This is my confession 👀

WELLLLLLLL babes basically this round started out with landen and pete coming back and trying to yell at the four from the previous majority, after we lied to their faces and then they did not take it well. After all the fighting was said and done we all got to counting and by all i mean me and landen, whom beat me thanks to his silver medal. Even though i counted higher, but alas the past is in the past. After that the game really got going cause we had to go to TRIBAL !!! which fucking sucked because we basically only had 1 option for our "alliance" which was eve, i started talking to the 2 safe bois to see where they were at and the didnt like eve or had some issues with eve, so i thought we could capitalize on that and just unan it on eve, but when i woke up that was simply NOT AN OPTION because the night before nicole had said jacobs name to nicole, without informing the alliance nor jacob personally what she said. This was followed by eve telling jacob immediately after what was said which lead jacob to distrust nicole which in turn made sammy distrust nicole, waking up in the middle of this was not ideal because i had no way to prevent it so i had to work with the situation as best as possible. After talking to everyone on the tribe it literally seemed to be a vote between jacob and nicole with no wiggle room. However as the day moved on i wanted to try and sneak eves name into the mix, after talking to pete and landen some who both confessed they wanted to work with me i pitched to them that potentially voting Eve and then keeping Nicole and Jacob mad at each other for future rounds to cover us, to which they seemed to take well to but werent very eager to do right away. After that i had to reel nicole in and get her to send her vote to Eve which worked until we found out that Sammy has an idol !!! Which he could use on himself orrrrrr EVE, so basically we had to tread carefully after this point and we had to lie to Sammy, pete/landen said they were doing nicole and nicole said she was doing sammy himself, i didnt lie i said i felt like eve was my only option and i worked with that, but still people did lie to him, and I tried to plant seeds in his head to play the idol on himself cause potentially he could save eve, but i wanted him to worry about himself first. After all the drama there was the calm before the storm.. and then the storm hit hard as fuck. We had a plan and a majority until minutes before tribal when nicole told jacob we were voting eve to keep him in the loop and probably turn him off of her, which he was fine with! But landen and pete felt betrayed that nicole would disclose our information to someone else, so when they heard that they scrambled and Pete wanted us to flip onto Jacob, while Landen coincidentallyyy voted for Nicole, which ultimately resulted in a 3-3-1, i tried to flip sammy or pete to keep nicole but to avail ... rip nicole. After tribal eve was obviously mad about getting votes, Sammy was mad about getting lied to and Landen and Pete were proven flakes, i did my best to save face and keep my ducks in a row with sammy, pete, and landen but only time will tell if i did a good enough job. As for the rest of the game i really hope that nicole comes back because she was, surprisingly, my closest ally in this game and i need her as a shield. But im sad that juls got out and while I want her to come back too i would prefer nicole, for game purposes but i would be just as happy to see juls return if she can pull it off. Welp, good luck charlie.

So I got voted out. I think I’m good with it though. I’m very much “whatever happens happens” at this point, because in my opinion I think I’m done with this game. There’s a lot of factors that I just don’t like about it, and that’s not saying anything about the hosts because I love Monty and Gage, I think I’ve spoken about this before in other games I’ve been in but I really can’t play games where you spend 24 hours sitting around. It hinders me so bad to just be sitting, not doing a challenge or anything, especially with 25 people around, it’s hell. There are a lot of things that annoy me in this game. One being that the newbies are like...mean as fuck lol. Like they just come in guns blazing and really don’t care what they say to other people, or they’re just dead and no help at all. Eve was honestly a nasty brat, and I’m just calling it how I saw it. She demanded trust, and that’s not a good way to get people to actually trust you. She came up with a majority of five people, she assumed I’d vote out Kevin, and yes I lied a little (bc it’s survivor) but you’d think I literally had been working with her since Day One and stabbed her in the back. We had maybe 24 hours of conversation. If I lied to Kevin, I’d feel terrible. You think I feel bad lying to someone I only talked to once who planted a five person majority without my main ally in it? Like, for real? It makes no sense. Landen doesn’t like lying either like....alright go do you homework and stop playing survivor then. DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? And the funny thing is, all of these people lied to me. Eve went behind my back. Jacob sent screenshots (which is cheating but somehow I’m here and he’s not) to Sammy. Sammy literally didn’t tell me he had an advantage and told me he didn’t know about Juls advantage. Landen Said he voted Jacob. Pete said he didn’t know the plan. Kevin, I’m hoping he was honest because he’s the only reason I’m happy I played this game. Kevin is SO nice and so genuine, I hope it’s not an act for the game but I know I put him THROUGH IT this round so I’m contemplating just giving up, for his sake, because if I come back it’s likely gonna be..a bit of a mess for him. I know I might need to come back to save Kevin and Jacob, moreso Kevin bc Jacob can go kick rocks. Anyway back to Sammy for a second. I’ve always seen Sammy as this nice little man who is so kind, but I REALLY saw an ugly side of him this round. Like, I don’t think I’ll ever see him the same again. I hope he loses to literally anyone. I don’t think he deserves to win and out of everyone I’m most mad at him. He’s a hypocrite who can make you feel bad you lied to protect yourself from him because he lied to you first, and sure that helps in Survivor but that’s downright ugly and I don’t respect that at all. He lied to me CONTINUOUSLY throughout the day, leaking every word I said to Eve. Only to be mad at me because I lied to him...to misdirect his idol? TO MISDIRECT HIS IDOL HE DIDNT EVEN TELL ME ABOUT BECAUSE HE DIDNT TRUST ME. And for him to try to pull an apology out from me and make me feel bad...sit down. Nobody makes me feel bad or can twist my emotions like that so, nice try. And in such an obvious and public manner like...who taught you to be the way you are lmao. That’s so rude. I hope he loses is the point. Honestly I’m kind of like over playing and I know juls really has a fire in her heart to continue playing with these god awful people who have snaked us. She’s a little queen and I hope she wins it if I can’t, because she deserves to! My plan is to just hold on until Jacob drops (assuming it’s pressure cooker) and then decide there if I want to go in or not. I also want to put out a disclaimer that I’m ranting about everyone else bc I’m mad but I know I fucked up, too. I lied way too much for unecessary reasons that seemed necessary at the time with advantages in play. I trusted people based on personal knowledge of their heart and how kind they are, which was wrong. Jacob and Sammy both showed me their ugly sides, and I showed mine as well so I mean I’m not going to sit here and act innocent. I can see EACH mistake I made and how I could have played better. I hope Sammy and Jacob both get premerge, hope Landen gets yeeted into the sun, or a lesson in manners bc lord knows he doesn’t have any and just wants to be that That Iconic Newbie that newsflash nobody wants to cast again, and I hope juls prospers if I fail at the arena challenge. Manifest manifest manifest. I literally feel like in my brain there is no possible way I’m going to be back in this game and if I do come back, I’m just going to get voted out again. So it’s a hard choice deciding if I want to or not. I promised Juls I’d outlast Jacob B but after that, I’m not sure. I feel like I don’t even have it in me, because if I really saw a chance at winning. I just feel like I’ve made a fool of myself and let men make a fool out of me, and it’s time to go home, rest, recuperate and come back to kick ass another day. 

So we had a live tribal last night and everything is a MESS now! It's my birthday and so I'm trying to stay in a good mood and not think about the game, but honestly, stuff is pretty stressful. My plan WAS to take out Eve the whole time, I was fully on board with it and I do believe it was the right move for me at the time. Unfortunately Nicole decided to go insane and blow up the entire plan by telling Jacob and having everything blow up at tribal council which is just... ugh. It made it clear she was trying to rebuild the majority and force the power structure back in place, so that's why I had to make sure she went home. She showed unreliability and a willingness to turn that I couldn't have in the game, that's the whole reason I wanted to take out Eve. Because I need allies in this game who will work with me and who have interest in working with ME. Nicole seemed like she could be a useful person in the game, but as soon as her fight with Jacob ended and they started to try and take control again, it was too late. I had to get rid of her. Sadly she'll probably come back from the arena and that's going to make things... Messy. It's going to become a game of who can use Sammy the best, and I just hope I can win that game. But I've told him too many lies and that comes off hypocritical. It sucks because I feel guilty about it, AND hopeless in the game. But I dunno. We'll just have to see. Not to mention I lost Juls somehow, and EVERYONE seems to be shocked that she was voted out. That is not good for my game at all as she was somebody I was really relying on and also I just love her. So losing her absolutely sucks. I'm really hoping she can come back from the Arena. The game is turning into a downward spiral for me and fast. People are predicting a swap, and at that point, it's the best I can hope for. I got Eve with me now on the brightside, and I know I could reel in Caeleb, Jordan, probably even Ben.... Things are getting very bloody very quickly in a game as competitive as this one, and I just pray I can wind up on the right side of things with a swap. Being on the bottom this time was deadly and detrimental to my game - I have played extremely hard, cutthroat, fierce, and overall just like.. WELL. Not to toot my own horn but I have played VERY good on both Sonkei and Miraitowa, and there's a lot on my resume for if I do manage to make it to the end. But if I keep just giving everything 120% and making these power moves and making enemies and such as I go, I'll have no chance. I really need a stage in the game where I can sit back and kind of just relax and be this UTR force, that people aren't taking so much notice of. Form more social bonds. Also, fuck the olympic idol hunt or whatever. I suck at it but other people have gotten so many advantages. EEP!

I was about to be super proud of the fact that this was the earliest I made a confessional in a round all game, just to realize its still only 5 hours before the deadline so like is that even good? long story short I had to fuck over jacob this round which sucked cause i loved jacob but we went to too many tribals and like... im running out of options. I made a new alliance of me emma stoner and sarah which like lowkey is a good call because we have one person from 4/5 starting tribes we are as well connected to each other as we can be right now. I need us to swap not cause I would go home, I genuinly think if we kept losing I could get down on this tribe to just me and one more person if needed but like... can we not I'm so tired. Bring on the swap, i need new people to manipulate!

hold it in ➻ tom holland x reader [SMUT]

@taytayfan10 said:

Heeyy! Can you do an imagine where Tom gets so drunk and confess his love for the reader and then they fuck like really intense? Thanks xoxo

warnings: "intense" smut, alcohol, lil bit of swearing

words: too fuckin many 3,397

hold it in.

You laid in bed, watching a Netflix comedy special instead of doing the homework you were supposed to be doing. Your friends all went to a big party that didn't seem to interest you tonight. You didn't feel like going out, getting all ready just to be disappointed when the guy you've had a crush on since you met him chose other girls to take home.

So, you decided to stay in. Be productive instead of disappointed. So far, productive wasn't the right word but you were better here than watching some girl grind on Tom and settling going home with some guy that you'd never normally go home with.

You were fine with that, fine with laying in bed with no makeup, natural hair, no pants just your giant t-shirt from middle school that you never really grew into. Your roommate was texting you all night, you two never really got along but still let each other know whether you were going to go to be home or where you were.

hey girllllllll, everyones kinda leaving but ive spotted a hottie w th a body im gunna see if hes gunnan eat this pu$$y

read 2:34 AM

ok have fun ;) let me know if you're coming home

delivered 2:35 AM

You wanted to turn in but you weren't tired enough. Trying to close your eyes but opting to dance around your studio apartment getting drunk off the homemade mimosa's. Only being cut off by a knocking at the door. Figuring it was a neighbor complaining about the noise, you lowered the volume and decided to just answer the door as is, just hiding your bottom half.

Upon opening the door, you were surprised at a boy's upper half that fell onto your floor.

"(Y/N)!" Tom muttered, rolling his head with his eyelids hooded and laughing at nothing. He was well dressed in a dark blue button up that sported adorable white flowers on it, dark jeans, and a leather jacket.

"Tom? What are you doing here?" You asked, still trying to hide your practically naked lower half.

"Harrison is getting laid.." he laughed, patting his stomach, "So I can't be in there."

"Ok, well. Come in." You said waving him in. He stood up but not very stable and he wouldn't stop looking at you. You tried your best to keep your shirt as low as possible.

"Ehe." You heard him laugh as you run to your chest of drawers.

"What?" You asked, grabbing a pair of leggings as quickly as possible and putting them on.

"You're not wearing pants." He pointed out.

"Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company." You said, trying to put hair in front of your face to cover up the fact you were all natural. He was your friend for a long time, but you still had a big crush on him as much as you said you gave up on it. You know you didn't.

"You didn't have to put on pants for me," Tom said, sitting down at the counter in your kitchen section. You were always nervous about him being in your apartment since his was the penthouse on the top floor with Harrison and yours was this tiny little-broken apartment. It was good enough for you and your roommate but with Tom, you felt embarrassed.

"Yeah, of course." You rolled your eyes as your drunk friend put his head against his palm. You grabbed him a water bottle and started making him a grilled cheese so he wouldn't have as bad a hangover the next day.

"It's hot in here." he complained, taking off his jacket and throwing it across the floor.

"How was the party?"

"You're so pretty." He mumbled, staring at you. He admired the side profile, thinking of how sweet you were to start caring for him when he showed up. You didn't have to but you did, "It sucked."

"Thanks, Tom." Knowing he was drunk and didn't want to get your hopes up too high. Still, your ears went hot as a blush crept across your cheeks. He had always had a flirty personality, sometimes him flirting didn't mean anything, "And why'd it suck?"

"Because!" He announced, not really knowing how loud he was, "You weren't there."

He kicked in his chair like a child.

"I'm sure it was still fun." You said, flipping the grilled cheese.

"But it wasn't as fun. Why didn't you come?" He asked standing up, not being able to contain his energy. "I just, uh, I didn't feel like going out tonight." You said, flattered that he cared so much.

"But I wanted you to come so badly tonight!" He whined, putting his hands on both the counter and the island blocking the exit to the kitchen.

"Yeah? Maybe next weekend." You said, plating the grilled cheese and putting it on the counter for him. Noticing he had drank all the water already. He looked at the sandwich and then you, "You need to eat that."

"I'd much rather eat something else." Tom said, low. His tone already giving you butterflies, your mouth started to water looking at his outspread arms.

"I have chips if you want that?" Your voice shook, ripping your eyes off him to turn around. He shook his head no.

"Why don't you get it?" He said, causing you to turn around.

"Get what?" You asked. He loved the expression on your face, the way your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." He walked fast up to you, grabbing your face and harshly putting his lips to yours, pushing those bits of hair away clutching it against the sides of your face. His body pushed you against the back counter. You didn't know what to do with your hands suddenly, you were so genuinely surprised by his frustrations with you. You'd seen him drunk before, he was always touchy and flirty but you took it as your drunk friend Tom even though you wished it had been more than that.

Tom didn't go any further than one kiss, knowing you were surprised by it. He had started thinking much clearer, he knew you were going to chastise him for doing that while he was drunk but he had to. If he was sober he wouldn't have had the courage to tell you how he felt let alone kiss you. He couldn't believe he had done it, regretting immediately how he acted at the party he was at. Convincing himself you were at your apartment fucking someone else again who didn't care the way he did. When he had planned to tell you there since he knew it was on the beach, he could take you out there and tell you but then you didn't come and he thought he was too late.

"Why'd you do that?" You asked when he stopped.

"Because I've liked you for a long time. And I'm tired of holding it in." He said, still holding your face, feeling if he let go you'd disappear.

"Tom, you're drunk. Don't do that to me." You begged with your eyes, pleading him not to tease you like this. You grabbed his hand but he wouldn't let go. Knowing he must know you like him, maybe in the way you acted or someone told him and didn't want this kind of game to be played with you.

"I'm not, I'm not messing with you." He panicked, sobering up fast, and moving his hands down to your sides "I wanted to tell you tonight, the party was on a beach and I was going to take you down there and-and stuff. You know to tell you how I felt."

"But- what?" You said, crossing your arms, slowly losing your mind "I just, me? You never- what? Like I don't know how to say it, I'm just blindsided right now. I don't-"

He kissed you again. This time you kissed him back, feeling your heart doing somersaults in your chest. His fingers dug into your waist, wanting to finally feel more of you. Begging to be believed.

"I'm sorry." He leaned his forehead into yours, "You were just so cute when you're cute. I mean confused. I've just been too scared, you're so beautiful and kind and smart. How you're everything I've always wanted, and more."

You laughed, wanting more of his lips. They were even softer than you thought, his body is warmer and his hands rougher. No longer tasting the lingering taste of alcohol on his lips, "I've waited so long for you to think of me like this. But you were always with other girls-"

"You were with other guys." Tom pointed out, leaning his head to nibble at your neck, "I only got so drunk thinking about what you were doing instead.. inviting some other guy over.. who doesn't know you the way I do.. who doesn't care about you the way I do.."

"What makes you think you know me so well?" You said, breathy, already writhing under his long awaited touch. He looked at your eyes for permission, "Prove it."

With that, Tom didn't hold back anymore. He picked you up by the thighs and dropped you on the counter. His fingertips dug harshly into your inner thighs, spreading them so he could get closer to you. Your lips fought each other, after waiting for too long there had been so much pent up between the two of you.

He tugged at the back of your hair, giving him easier access to your neck, nipping and rolling bits of skin between his teeth then kissing it over to soothe it. He didn't want another guy to take you home ever again, make sure people knew you were going to be his from now on. His left hand drifted up your side, his thumb just toying under your breast, waiting for permission. You removed your hands from massaging his shoulders down to his collar, beginning to unbutton his shirt as a sign of your permission.

Tom gladly accepted, finally separating your bodies only so you could help smoothe his shirt off his chest. You snuck your hands under his shirt, smoothing your hands over his chest, and shoulders. Your touch replacing what was once clothed. He watched you as you did it, for the first time slowing things down a bit, he was reminded of why he chose you. Seeing how slow and delicate you were, looking as if Tom was the most beautiful art exhibit in the world. Nobody had ever seen him like this, not when he saw them in the same way.

Grabbing your chin, he reconnected with you not able to stand to be away for too long. He snuck his hand under your t-shirt, desperate to show you that he was serious.

"Get this bloody thing off." He grunted, you lifted your hands up and he practically ripped it off you, throwing it across the apartment. He trailed his kisses down, landing just on your collarbone, holding your sides, gently slowing as he kissed over your breasts and began to pepper kisses around and onto your nipples. Worshipping them, tenderly rolling between his fingers and sucking which produced a moan from you. It was music to his ears.

He surprised you, picking you up off the counter to land you on your bed in the corner of the room. You grabbed onto the curls on the back of his neck, watching as he trailed down lower, feeling the coil prepare itself. You so desperately wanted him everywhere.

"Tom..." You muttered, rolling off your tongue knowing you didn't know what else to say.

"You want me down here, darling?" He asked in a husky tone, looking at his dancing fingers around our leggings waistband. Never had asking for consent sound so hot.

"Everywhere." You begged. He loved you begging.

He slowly grabbed them and trailed them down your legs, lifting them up to do so. With his other hand, he trailed them up your now bare thighs, kissing at the exposed flesh. Starting at your ankle, his kisses trailed up. Teasing your aching core, you already knew you were going to lose it when he finally got there. Soon enough, his hair tickled your inner thighs, his hot breath blowing against your wet center. You were so thankful you felt as though all your dreams were coming true.

He moved your panties to the side, getting his first glimpse of heaven, seeing you were already moist he pressed his thumb to your folds, rubbing back and forth until he dug himself to your clit. He started his motions slow, like an artist beginning strokes of a paintbrush. He put your leg on his shoulder, massaging your hips with both of his thumbs as his mouth finally made an appearance. He licked a long stipe up your core, tasting you finally, moaning as he did which send vibrations up you. He then began to suck and twirl expertly on your clit, holding down your hips as you shook beneath him, only turning him on further.

"Tom, oh my-" You let out, becoming a breathing mess. He then stuck a finger inside, curling it up to try and ready you, but it only added more pleasure to the equation. He continued to suck with his mouth, adding another finger. You gripped onto his hair tightly, the sheets balled in your other fist as the coil in you gave in for the first time.

"Oh my god, I'm cumming-" You let out, most guys can't do that. The surprise was genuine as shock and pleasure went up your spine, arching your back. Tom didn't let you rest though, grabbing the hands you had in his hair and on sheets and placing them above your head as he lowered himself over you. He kissed you roughly, allowing you to taste yourself but you wanted to taste him.

You trailed your hands up, down his chiseled abs and landing on his belt, he grabbed your hands and replaced them where they were.

"This about me proving to you, not the other way around." Tom reminded you, smirking into a kiss as he reached around you one hand under your back and arching your back and the other grazing your breasts.

"I just-" You spoke your best between kisses, "want to reciprocate."

"Maybe another night." He didn't allow, "What about.." he trailed his hand from your breast down into the home of your panties again, "What I can do for you?"

"Tom- Please." You forget how to speak as he leaves his hand down there without doing anything.

"Please what?" He hummed, sending shivers down your neck as he kissed and licked near your earlobe.

"I want you." Reaching for your nightstand drawer, he got into what you were saying and left you for a moment to grab the condoms you left in the drawer. You whimpered as he left, missing the weight of his body.

But an idea popped into your head, you started to undo his belt practically ripping it from the belt loops. After he had one in his hand you flipped him over, he laughed as you did. Allowing you to desperately take off his jeans, seeing the outline of his member in his tight boxers. With him below you, it allowed you to finally worship him, kissing around his waist, up his chest. He grabbed you up finally, lifting you from down there to straddle him face to face. He switched it again so that he was on top, feeling as though you were wrestling for it, but with you laying there, he was able to sit up taking off his boxers as his hard erection finally escaped from the confines of the tightness of his clothing. Your hands and eyes wandered it, thinking of all the things he could do to you.

"Right, this needs to come off too." He opted to rip off your panties.

"Did you just-?" You asked, but cut off by him

"I'll get you some new ones." He mumbled grabbing your legs and lifting your core up to his mouth. The only thing left of you touching the bed was your neck, his muscles holding your legs around his shoulders as he knelt on the bed. He returned his mouth to your clit, readying you again as if looking at him wasn't jarring enough for your sopping core.

"Please Tom, I need you." You begged. Tom couldn't bear hearing his name said like that by your voice any longer. He shoved you back down and up back to your regular position, holding your hands up with one hand.

He grabbed his cock with one hand sliding it up and down your folds, circling the stiffness around your aching pleasure point. Your back arched, and he removed his hand from holding your wrists to hold your back in an arch. And then finally, slowly, he entered you, stretched you in ways you didn't know were possible. Your breath was on his ear, only urging more of a moan from the sensation of being inside of you.

His hand flew up to your arm, harshly running it up until your fingers were intertwined. He began to move then, slowly at first, then picking up and not able to contain himself.

"Harder.." You practically whimpered in his ear, he granted your wish. His hips begging to smack into yours with more force, your hands flew to his back, scratching at it and pulling at his shoulders, you needed all of him. He lifted back up to his knees, keeping contact with you but his hands now deep into your thighs. You bit your lip and it drove him wild, putting a thumb to pressurize your clit while he pounded into you.

He then stopped altogether, feeling empty without him, you opened your eyes. His bottom lip sucked in, you yelped as he flipped you over to your stomach. Pulling you up to your knees, he wrapped his arm around to find your clit, kissing up your spine and you trembling in a way you never had before. He brought his throbbing cock to your core again, you breathed out in a gasp as you felt him enter again, walls clenching and hugging him as sweet lover. He groaned as you did.

"Fuck.." He cursed, knowing he was going to lose it like this. He went harder this time, giving a quick slap to your ass, he rubbed his hands up your sensitive back and pressing your shoulders to ask for more friction against him. His hands ran back down to your waist, arching it down with the palm of his hand and grabbing your hair with his other. You were feeling so much intense pleasure, feeling all of him, losing your mind by how insanely good you felt. Your legs shaking you didn't think you were going to last much longer.

He kept going until he heard your magic words, "I think I'm going to-"

"Me too.." He muttered, for the first time: weakly. His hand from your back reached your clit, urging you closer to the edge.

"I'm-" like that you dropped, and felt the most intense orgasm in months. He followed soon behind you his own cum filling the condom while still inside of you. Laying on our stomach, you shivered with waves of pleasure hitting you. You barely realized Tom had gotten up to throw away the condom and wipe off before he came back.

He jumped onto the bed, filling the cold spot next to you.

"Enjoy yourself?" He asked, proud of himself for when he touched your back, you shook and practically purred.

"Mmm.." You hummed, your eyes finally opening, and looking at him with the eyes he so adored.

"I proved how much I really, genuinely, adore you?" He pestered you, bringing you closer and rolling you off your stomach to be nearer to him again.

"I'd say yeah- I mean. Yes, I definitely believe you right now." You jumbled words, still feeling so loose and relaxed and happy. A few moments went by of cuddling before he spoke again.

"So.. I forgot to ask earlier.." He ran a hand through his sweaty curls, "You like me back right?"

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought by liking or reblogging or sending a message!

If you have a request, my message box is very open and I’d love to have more!