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#they love each other’s little nonsensical eccentricities
fleething · 2 years
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The greatest thing about good omens is that there is just no way for it not to be a love story.
Not necessarily between Aziraphale and Crowley but more so for each other.
Crowley wanted to save the world so Aziraphale could spend more time licking abricot jam off the back of spoons, marvel a little longer about how the seasons change in St. James’.
Aziraphale wanted to save the world so Crowley could have more time to listen to Queen while gardening, a few more years to put together another array of outrageously stylish outfits.
And each of them wanted to be there to witness it all.
Sure, they saved the world because they find it to be a very enjoyable place to exist in, but even more so, because the other one does. They saved the world for each other, in a way. And if that isn’t love, i don’t know what is.
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lady-griffin · 1 year
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Small Parallel I love with Knives Out and Glass Onion
Neither Harlan Thrombey nor Andi Brand are good people. They’re not. They’re also not evil people to be clear, but again, they’re not really good people.
By the kind of people his family and especially his children are, we get a sense of who Harlan is or largely was in his life, especially with the comment that there is so much of him in Ransom.
Andi was also clearly more than okay with both Birdie and Duke as not just acquaintances but close friends; as well as what other nonsense came out of Miles before “Klear,” and she was his business partner and friend.
She wasn’t some moral beacon of wholesomeness.
Her standard of good was – 
Let’s not put this very dangerous and unstable thing that hasn’t even come close to being properly tested out into the world, especially not under our company’s name; because we are not some daring startup company anymore, we’re an established conglomerate and this could easily sink us.
That’s not exactly a high bar of morality.
And that’s okay.
Really it is.
I like how neither movie truly idolizes Harlan or Andi to the point they are made out to be truly good people, BUT yet, we still see why Marta and Helen clearly loved and cared about these two and why their deaths matter.
Marta and Helen are our truly good souls for these movies. 
The two main groups of people - The Thrombeys and The Disruptors - are all various shades of the same kind of bad person for each movie.
The Thrombeys are all willing to live off Harlan’s hard work and they all believe they are entitled to his fortune because it’s their family right. It’s theirs. And once you peel back the layers of liberal or conservative, they’re all the same, because they’re all a bit more than willing to defend what they think is theirs, with knives out and teeth bared.
The Disruptors are somehow even more reliant on Miles than the Thrombeys were on Harlan (which is saying something); and they will cling onto him until they see his boat is doomed to sink. They literally know he killed two people; two of their so-called “friends” and they’re not willing to do anything. At least, not until Miles is truly fucked. 
They all care more about their own survival and ambitions than doing the right thing. And once more, when you peel back the layers of liberal or conservative, we once again see they’re all the same, they’re all more than willing to lie for a lie and stab a “friend” in the back.
But Harlan and Andi are our mixed bags of morality.
This is clear enough with the two types of people they are associated with.
The Thrombey Family and Marta.
The Disruptors and Helen. 
They’re kind of like an optical illusion, it really depends on how you look at them and what you see when it comes to their own morality. 
However, they do have two traits that I think redeem them for the audience, or at the very least make them more admirable to us.
They are genuinely self-made people.
Harlan was a brilliant murder mystery writer. He was. And he did build this publishing/franchise empire of his.
Andi was a brilliant mind who dabbled in many different things, but her real talent (as I saw it) was being able to spot a certain something-something in people. She saw the doers in the world, even when they weren’t quite there yet, she saw their potential to be the kind of person who others would notice and remember.
They were also both willing to stand by their values and once they made a decision, they would not be bullied into changing it. 
Harlan decided to cut off his family and was sticking by that. 
Andi decided to walk away from Miles and was sticking by that.
And I don’t know, I just like that little bit of extra moral complexity these two characters bring to these movies.
Oh, and Benoit Blanc is a good person, but he definitely isn’t governed by what the law or society says is good. He’s an eccentric who’s here for a good time, a fun and challenging mystery, and is more than willing to help out the good souls in the world when he gets the opportunity.
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evilcowgirl · 1 year
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Hi! i was thinking of a prompt for some headcanons for autistic! reader x the gang members (any one you like!)
a sort of "they're a bit odd but i like that about em" since it wasnt discovered until 1911.
stuff like when reader gets overwhelmed/doesnt understand social que/shows empathy/apathy at the wrong moments
and mostly what they'd do when reader feels left out/like they dont belong because thats something im really struggling with </3
have a good day/night!
autistic reader relationship headcannons
pairings: arthur, javier, dutch, charles x reader
a/n: hiii loved this request sm !! feeling left out is the worst feeling but there's a place for everyone so pls remember that !! also i included dutch and john for the first time !! this is me using my autism powers for good
word count: 1k (combined)
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Arthur
you bond over you both feeling unheard in the gang. you because communication is difficult for you (especially when you feel out of place) and for arthur it's because he and dutch got into an argument twenty minutes ago and he's still mad.
makes it his personal responsibility to make sure you never feel overlooked at camp because he knows how hard it is for you to settle in with the rest of the gang
during parties at camp he makes sure to keep you right by his side of you don't feel up to talking and reassures you that everything is fine if you get overwhelmed
doesn't think twice about intimidating your way out of situations he sees going south
"You can't just go around talking to folks like that"
"Nah you ain't do nothing wrong, just that people 'round here are real quick-tempered; thankfully for you i'm even quicker."
he writes about you in his journal more than anything else, pages and pages are dedicated to just how special you are to him !!
"They aren't like most folk, I like that about them."
arthur takes it as you being less influenced by social norms, which he's naturally drawn to as someone who doesn't get along too well with social norms either.
KING of aggressive reassurance, sometimes it can be off putting but you know he means every word he says.
"I promise you if they didn't want you here you'd be long gone, darlin'"
"Everyone here loves you, I think even more than they love me at this point so stop your nonsense."
Dutch
biggest autism fan
calls you eccentric because thats how he chooses to describe you to people
completely over analyzes everything you say because he thinks you're the most interesting person he's ever met !! you might as well be evelyn miller !!
to him, you are so unique and precious that he finds himself being overly protective
his protectiveness could a flaw depending on your mood because he never notices that he's smothering you until you're past the point of being overstimulated by the attention.
you made a mistake ? no you didn't, you could never.
would rather watch a man die slowly than let you be confronted, even if you can take up for yourself.
"If he doesn't like your manners he'll be terribly disappointed to find that mine are much worse"
"Don't you dare waste your breath apologizing to anyone, sweet thing."
notices the small things about you like how enthralled you were by the noise his rings make when they brush against a glass or how you hate the feeling of too many eyes on you
you're the only person other than arthur that he feels like he can vent to without being judged.
will listen to you ramble about whatever you're interested in at the moment for as long as your interest lasts. has no problem with you coming up to him to talk about horses for a month straight if he gets to see you happy
Javier
he just thinks you're neat
you have a chest filled with little gifts that he brings you from his trips out of camp because you told him you like collecting things once.
little calm walks through the woods when things aren't going well, and even when they are and you just miss each other's company.
always reminds you to prepare yourself for the loud noise when he feels like he might have to use his gun if loud noises bother you.
"Remember to cover your ears, amor"
because of his own strict morals and passion for what he stands for he appreciates your straightness with what you believe. its easy for him to talk to you because he can trust you to be honest.
loyalty is a huge thing for javier so you can trust him to stand up for you diligently regardless of what it's about
someone made a snide comment ?? dead !
he adores everything you view as a flaw about yourself. from your struggles with putting things in a way that people can swallow easily, to your excitement for whats often seen as mundane.
"That's amazing, amor, tell me more!"
javier is definitely a self-identified romantic and finds ways to romance you even if sometimes you don't pick up on his affections.
always invites you to sit near him around the fire and listen to him play !! every song is for you because he knows you like his music
could not care less about your issues with empathy because he has them too after everything he's been through.
would never force you to feel something you don't or don't understand and reminds you that you're just as caring and lovable as anyone else
John
"You're a bit off, you know?"
will ask you why you do certain things, not to be rude but out of genuine curiosity and a lack of manners.
literally so clueless
thought that you hated him in the beginning and held a grudge that you didn't even know about, but once he realized that you simply expressed emotions differently than most people he warmed up to you over time
he wasn't exactly sure how to approach you even though he was interested and he's NOT at all used to being nervous around people he's interested in
tried and failed to strike up conversations with you numerous times before finally switching up his approach and realizing that small talk wasn't going to get him anywhere with you.
the term autism and it's symptoms weren't recognized medically until much later, there was no term for it which often led to people simply avoiding the topic of your differences or leaving you out completely. john on the other hand was incredibly frank about everything and never tries to convince you that you're just like everyone else. he knows that you're not and so do you, what matters to him is that he loves you just as you are.
gets aggressive when you're overwhelmed, not with you but to everyone else around you. hates seeing you stressed out and it gets him stressed too.
"They said they don't want any bother." when you definitely did not say that
sitting in his tent with him while you both calm down and sweet hugs and comforting words afterwards
only he is allowed to poke fun of you everyone else knows you're off limits
Charles
i like my bitches weird an offputting -charles i think
charles is the first person you think has truly known you without treating you any differently. he didn't speak down to you, or simplify things because he saw you as less intelligent. he spoke to you like a person that was just as capable of everyone else, which you were.
gentle words of encouragement and silent glances of of acknowledgment when you need them. he always know when you need them.
so sweet with you because he knows what it feels like to not belong in more ways than he could even list
"Would you like to join us?"
"I'd like it if you came, you're always welcome with me."
you never feel like he's judging you for not understanding how to talk with others in a conventional way. he understands you in a way you're not used to.
he can always magically tell when you're getting overstimulated and never makes you feel like a burden for it.
sweetest man ever just wants you to be okay !!!!
always shares new things that he's learned with you because he knows you'll appreciate them. loves to tell you all about plants and animals and in return he listens eagerly to whatever hyper fixation you have at the time
you both have a similar social which leads to you spending an unsettling amount of time together
holding hands and sweet kisses when you're both up for it, regardless of who's looking
people in camp talk of course, wondering how something that's not an animal being hunted could capture charles' attention for so long
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heiayen · 2 months
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every love story started somewhere - childe/dainsleif/zhongli x reader
summary: different beginnings of you and him across different universes
tags: how the relationship with him started, except every character is different universe !! dainsleif with fantasy universe, childe with canon universe, zhongli with modern universe. pre-relatioship, 350-450 words per character.
notes: hello. this is for @dumbificat for the kiss (don't tell!) event held by @ecrin-de-litterature <3 i was going to include more characters but alas i couldn't </3 still. hope you'll enjoy !!
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Leaving the snowy plains of your home was hard. You grew up there, you made friends and learned so much, gained so many precious memories of the people, of the places, of a ginger boy and his toothy smile, freckles, and stick swords you used to fight the imaginary monsters. Leaving the child in yourself that was forced to grow up, to run away with your family somewhere better, warmer than the bone-freezing chill of Snezhnaya. 
But you promised one thing to yourself– and to the ginger boy, that you would never forget him. You would find a way to talk to him again, you promised, gripping his hand hard. 
And you did. 
Many, many letters were sent to each other. Simple at first, with the help of your parents writing down your thoughts, and when you finally learned how to properly write you wasted no time writing your own letter to him, for the first time. Your handwriting was crooked, the letter was short and was rather nonsensical, but it was yours. 
Written by your own hands. 
The letters continued for weeks, months, and years, and it was the only constant in your life. Something to cling onto, something that you knew would always be here, even if it took AJAX three months to reply, even when you stopped talking to him for some when he first joined the Fatui, heartbroken that he would agree to that. 
(He didn’t stop writing. 
One day, you looked at the small pile of letters he sent you during that time, and suddenly, something broke in you and you wasted no time grabbing a piece of paper and a pen and pouring all your feelings into the ink.)
Till one day, while walking down the liyuean streets, you spotted someone. The same ginger hair, the same freckles– now visible even more and the same smile upon noticing you in the crowd. 
You smiled, happiness filling you up and you waved to him, gripping the handle of your bag tighter in excitement. How many years have passed, spent on writing letters from your last meeting? At least ten? More? Honestly, you stopped counting after five.
When he waved back, you wasted no time running to him. 
The promise you and Ajax made back as kids finally came true and for the first time in years, you were together.
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The wizard living in that tower was said to be… cursed.
Dangerous, meddling with dark, unknown to many dark magic that could bring only despair and tragedy. The magic itself cursed him, surely, it was the punishment for going against the divine laws. He brought it upon himself and now had to live with the consequences. Not ever again in his life, he would be able to enjoy the warmth of life how he used to.
DAINSLEIF was convicted of a lonely, cruel fate, and that was simply how the stars wrote for him. He couldn’t rewrite them– nothing could, and something once set in motion couldn’t be stopped.
…or so he thought because then, you appeared. 
They could call you some kind of neighbors, living in towers close to each other but rarely talking. He had no reason to strike up conversations with you, not even thinking you would want to talk to him. No one wanted to talk to… abomination like him, as they called him.
And yet here you were, seemingly not caring about all the rumors and gossip people talked about him. You knew he was cursed, but… he didn’t look like a bad man. Not one to talk, yes, sure, aloof at times and confusing you with his words or actions, maybe a little eccentric at times but you saw him use magic, by simply an accident and, truly, the wizard in you couldn’t help but look at him in awe. His magic was different, nothing like you saw in the books or scrolls, frightening you a little, but it was… something new. Different. Charming your hungry for knowledge brain and so, you wished to know the cursed wizard more. 
Step by step, day by day you tried and tried, and never gave up on trying to talk to him, to know him better. A part of you was screaming loudly, how stupid you were to try to talk with someone like him, someone dangerous?
And you knew this part of you was right. Nothing you learned about him seemed like something good, it all screamed troubles and bad things in general, but–
(Another part of you knew that you weren’t so different. You, too, knew how it felt to be left alone to fate, how it is to become an outcast with nowhere to go. 
You had your own burdens, after all, and the stars were not kind you to either.)
Your effort wasn’t in vain when one day, while tending to the flowers in your garden, you saw no one else but the wizard, standing near, looking as if he came here for a reason.
You let him in, smiling. 
It was a start of something new, something blooming between you. Of something you promised to care deeply and tend to, till it would grow beautiful and healthy.
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It was terribly raining that day, you remembered. You were cold, your umbrella broke because of the wind, your clothes were all wet and the only open shop you saw on the street was an antique shop. You wasted no time opening the doors, a plea to let you stay till the rain calms down ready on your tongue– and then you saw the owner of this place, his warm eyes, hidden behind round glasses and his smile, oh, his smile…
You blinked owlishly, you remembered. You opened your mouth, closed it, pointed at the rain behind the window, asked if you could stay and he let out a gentle laugh, inviting you inside the shop. You felt yourself smiling in answer and walked further inside, leaving the broken umbrella somewhere away– to not accidentally hit anything.
His name was ZHONGLI, you remembered him introducing himself over a cup of tea he got to warm you up. You politely declined the tea first, not wanting to bother him too much, but still agreed in the end. He even offered you a spare umbrella, and you found yourself at an even bigger loss of words than earlier. How kind it was of him, to help a complete stranger like you when you only asked to let you spend a moment in his shop?
You two ended up talking about the antique painting and books he had in his shop, you remembered. He had so many books on his shelves, about so many different topics. Medicine, history, mythology, and even classic literature. And it seemed as if he read them all himself, with how much he told you about the collection in his shop. Every single item here was deeply cared about.
You didn’t care about antique items, not until you heard the passion Zhongli talked about them. Everything he had in his shop had its own story, one he seemed happy to share with you. A little doll once owned by a girl that later became a pianist, a well-used history book, once owned by a history student. A beautiful painting created by an older man’s mother– he didn’t knew what to do with it anymore, and he believed Zhongli’s antique shop would be the safest place for the painting to be.
How beautiful it was…
When the rain stopped, you took the umbrella he gave you and left, with a warm feeling deep inside your chest and a promise you visit this little antique shop again. 
To give him back his umbrella, to talk with him more. To listen to him and learn a little more about love.
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ghost-rattan · 7 months
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Hello! I hope you're doing well! Can I please request romantic Fyodor, Nikolai, and Sigma (seperate) with an extremely intelligent and calculated SO (Male or gender neutral if possible pls) who looks like a cinnamon roll? Like, reader looks innocent and eccentric and easy to manipulate but that could not be further from the truth. Like reader could be playing chess with Fyodor and talking about some random nonsense, beats Fyodor at chess and just walks away like it's nothing. Also, reader LOOOVES flustering the characters because they're smart and know exactly which buttons to push to get the best results. TLDR; reader has ultimate IQ and ultimate rizz XD
S/o with high IQ (male reader)
OOO! I was so excited when I saw this ngl! Hope you like it!!!
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Fyodor
He thought he could read you like a book
His sweet innocent boyfriend
He knew you where smart just didn't know that you where that smart!!
He first noticed when he was organizing a mission for one of his men
He was taking a break looking at his map with a marked out way to get in
"you know this way would be better"
he looked at you amused
"my, I seem to have missed that, what a cleaver boy you are~"
But the moment he really noticed it is when you where playing chess
he was going easy on you
"Wow! You might be handsome but you can't read the room can you"
"hmm, what do you mean mishka?"
"I can tell you are going easy on me pretty boy but I can assure you I can win with out your help"
"fine then"
you guys started again and while he was judging every move you made you where chatting to Nikolai about the circus thats coming to town
much too Fyodors surprise and annoyance you still won
"..."
"Oh! I win! But I think the acrobats will be the best! No clown can compare to you Nikoali~!"
He was so pissed off after that but he did learn not to underestimate you
After that he does play little games off wit with one another (thats how he flirts now)
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Nikolai
"MY HUSBAND! You look so cute!" he tells you this everyday
"Oh My! What a complement coming from the man who is in the lead for most handsomest man ever!"
"My little cutie! I am in no need to be in any competition unless its one for your heart!"
He is a hardcore flirt so you both often have little flirt wars with each other
His pick up lines are horrible though well they are creative
while you can come up with pick up lines that always fit what you both are doing
Fyodor thinks you both are a good duo
Fyodor also likes you because when you and Nikolai attend a meeting you often have a long talk with Fyodor about a book you both where just reading (DOA book club when?)
You and Nikolai once went on a mission together and you both had to split up for a bit
when Nikolai got back to you the enemy had found you first and was trying to get you to back stab and betray Nikolai!
Nikolai hid to see what you would do
"Join me, we can take better care of you pretty boy, better than that stupid clown can~"
"really..?"
Nikolai felt his heart break
Before any thing could happen you looked at Nikolai and smiled
You honestly would have just punched the guy but you knew not to underestimate him as you knew nothing about him
so you came up with a plan by looking at your surroundings
you saw a fire extinguisher
you got up and ran to grab it
the man went to use his unknown ability
but you grabbed the extinguisher and threw it at Nikolai who used his ability to hit the man from behind leaving him on the ground dead from the blow
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Sigma
(I love him sm)
He thinks he is the one who has to protect you
If he doesn't what type of boyfriend is he
The first time you visited the casino you wanted to play some of the games
he was going to rig all off them for you to be able to win
To his surprise you wanted to play black jack!
he was very surprised by how good your pokerface was
he was even more surprised by how easily you where able to win
He gets so flustered with your flirting
even before you guys started dating he would blush uncontrollably
Scared you would get manipulated by some one but once he saw a bunch of people trying to and you where able to be polite and tell them to fuck off
He often ask for your help with the casino
Honestly once he realised how smart you where he was kinda scared you would manipulate him (poor baby)
You often help new comers to the casino on how to play the games (he finds it so cute)
He wants you to teach him chess (he wants to beat fyodor)
IMAGINE THIS OK YOU VS FYODOR IN CHESS
You win and sigma just smirks in the back like that’s my boyfriend
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greenerteacups · 6 days
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do you have any thoughts on luna and harry as a potential couple post-canon? i was reading your post on harry/ginny and i really loved your perspective on it, especially when you said your vision for harry post war was basically just lots and lots of big dogs (i LOVE that mental image and i agree it would be SO good for him!!) but i was wondering if you'd consider luna and harry to be a good match for each other? personally i have a sort of soft spot for the pairing because of how fond harry is of her in canon, and i think if anyone was going to understand and be unfazed by all the difficult trauma responses and long healing process he's going to be dealing with for years after the war, luna seems like a good fit :)
My love for Harry as a character is kind of unusual to me, considering I go pearl-diving for ships when I read things, and I fall in love with dynamics as a conduit to falling in love with characters. That said, I don't really ship him with anybody. I just genuinely adore That Weird Little Dude. Same with Ron; I'm just as pleased to see them with a range of people, because (A) I believe they're good partners and can have great relationships with many people (Ron Weasley get behind me they could never make me hate you Ron Weasley), but also (B) I don't see either of their canon relationships as Definitive. Some characters I ship together because I sincerely believe they are (non-deterministic) soulmates, in that they bring out parts of each other that make them the freshest, happiest, most interesting versions of themselves. With other characters, I'll look at a couple and go: "Huh. Could work!" and smack my giant rubber [APPROVED] stamp on it, then get back to work on my blorbos.
Luna and Harry are one of those couples for me. As I mentioned in that other post, I think Harry's primary requirement in a partner is someone who can treat him normally, i.e. will be generally chill about the Became Wizard Jesus Twice situation. Which is a big ask. Luna is uniquely capable of doing that because Luna is not normal at all, and so treats all things, extraordinary and ordinary both, as uniformly dazzling and delightful. I believe this is why Harry enjoys her so much in their friendship, because he gets to feel valued and treasured without feeling unusual or othered — a hard line to toe, and one even Ron and Hermione occasionally trip up on. He seems to like hanging out with her a great deal, and I think it says something sweet that he asks her to the Slug Club party instead of any of the girls in Gryffindor from his year, whom he'd ostensibly know better.
Luna is a bit of a cipher to me, I admit. We know she's the daughter of an eccentric and probably traumatized single father, raised without a mother; deeply lonely, because of how she's been ostracized for her beliefs and hobbies, and the victim of some degree of bullying for it; and yet full of a passionate, almost effortless wonder and joie de vivre. She's also intensely loving (cf. painting her friends' faces on her bedroom ceiling) and very hard to embarrass. She likes Harry for understandable reasons; they share most of those qualities (Harry's more sensitive to others' opinions, understandably so), and the only point where they diverge is their actual hobbies and interests. Harry seems pretty fond of her nonsense, and I bet she could sell him on crumple-horned snorkacks given some time — maybe if Hermione took a vacation to Switzerland and left them alone together.
In general, what I find sweet about the idea of these two is they're so chill. These are two people whose chief ambition is to hang out, enjoy their hobbies, and see some cool magical shit. Date night is so fucking easy for these two. Plus, Harry is a hothead a lot of the time, and Luna just... vibes. Literally never bothered. Insane levels of not fussed at all times. Very helpful for Harry, who has a bad tendency to bottle up his feelings and then blow up at the first person to sneeze at him. Conversely, I'd hope that Harry would age into the kind of genial, confident dude who would be able to rock up with a function where people were talking shit about Luna and be like :) My wife? You mean my wise and beautiful wife? Surely you are not talking about my wise and beautiful wife. :) instead of doing what he'd do from age 15-17, which is get mad and stomp around sulking. Which, again: teenager. Orphan. Non-stop trauma gauntlet from age 2-18. Excuses are made. But still. Would think it best if Luna's husband were not perhaps so keenly sensitive to gossip, for Luna's sake.
Anyway, these are just some dissembled thoughts. There's also something in there about Harry, boy under the staircase, falling in love with the magical world and ending up the Most Magical person, i.e., the person who took believing in magic to such an extreme that she imagines magic that doesn't exist yet. And Luna ends up with the one person who's inarguably stranger than she is.
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princesssarisa · 2 months
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Character ask: Willy Wonka (any version)
These answers apply to every adaptation – that I know, anyway – of the story of Charlie/Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, as well as the original book and its sequel Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. I haven't seen Wonka yet.
Favorite thing about them: He's a fun character all around. I love his creative genius, with all the fantastical candies and treats he creates and all the fantastical rooms in his factory. I love his blend of weirdness, cleverness, mischief, and passion for his work. His hints of moral grayness and insanity make him interesting, but his underlying warmth and kindness, especially to Charlie, prevent him from seeming like a villain. (At least I don't think so: more on that below.) He's like an eccentric wizard from a fantasy story, but with a more modern, candy-themed twist.
Least favorite thing about them:
Original book: The whole story of how the Oompa Loompas came to work for him has unfortunate implications. Even after Dahl revised the text and changed the Oompa Loompas from black African Pygmies to light-skinned dwarfs from Loompaland, the concept is still very iffy. A businessman "importing" a tribe of people from a foreign country to work in his factory, where he never lets them leave the premises, pays them in food instead of in money, and tests his experimental foods and drinks on them, which sometimes cause them bodily harm... it wouldn't fly in a book written today.
1971 film: To a sensitive child viewer (as I was), his angry outburst at Charlie and Grandpa Joe for stealing the Fizzy Lifting Drinks is scary and mean, even if it is just a test.
2005 film: I don't like the subplot about his controlling dentist father. A character like Wonka doesn't need daddy issues to explain him.
Three things I have in common with them:
*I love chocolate.
*I'm at least a little eccentric.
*I often wear purple.
Three things I don't have in common with them:
*I'm not a chocolatier, an inventor, or a factory-owner.
*I'm female.
*I've never met an Oompa Loompa.
Favorite line:
Original book:
(Explaining why he won't let Augustus be cooked into fudge): Because the taste would be terrible. Just imagine it! Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it."
"Whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips! Just as a poached egg isn't a poached egg unless it's been stolen from the woods in the dead of night!"
And the full text of his "There's no earthly way of knowing" poem and the funny, creepy poems he recites in the Space Hotel to scare the White House in the sequel.
1971 film:
"We have so much time and so little to see!... Wait a minute! Strike that. Reverse it." (and the later variation with "...so little to do")
"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."
"But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted... He lived happily ever after."
And of course his various quotes from Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, and other literature.
brOTP: The Oompa Loompas, and Charlie by the end.
OTP: None, he's happily single.
nOTP: Charlie or any of the other kids.
Random headcanon:
*In all versions, he's on the autism spectrum – it just manifests in different ways for each different Wonka.
*In the 1971 film, he's Jewish, just like Gene Wilder was in real life (and like Timothée Chalamet, for that matter). Maybe this is true in other versions too. I chiefly like to imagine this as a "take that" to Roald Dahl's antisemitism.
Unpopular opinion: The popular "Wonka is a villain" take is overdone. Yes, he has some moral ambiguity to him, but he's not evil. People often seem to forget that the fates of Augustus, Violet, Veruca, and Mike aren't "punishments" that he deals out. They're accidents that each child causes himself or herself by ignoring his warnings. Now, I don't mind it when adaptations imply that he deliberately sets up those accidents to occur if the kids disobey him, or at least show him as unconcerned with stopping or rescuing them. But I don't think either of those things are true to his portrayal in the book, per se.
Song I associate with them:
"Pure Imagination."
youtube
Favorite picture of them:
This classic illustration of him by Joseph Schindelman:
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This illustration by Quentin Blake:
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This book cover illustration, from the edition I grew up with:
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This much-memed image of Gene Wilder in the 1971 film:
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Johnny Depp in the 2005 film:
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Douglas Hodge in the 2013 stage musical (the only Wonka I know of in an adaptation to have his signature black goatee from the book):
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Timothée Chalamet in Wonka, 2023:
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isfjmel-phleg · 7 months
Text
Why I like it: Leave It to Psmith
I've analyzed this book to death. I don't even know what to say about it anymore.
It's probably the most familiar of the series. It has had the most adaptations--multiple theatrical versions and radio adaptations, a mysterious Hungarian film, an early 1930s film that removed Psmith and replaced him with one Sebastian Help, an Indian series in which Psmith is called...Rambo? (seeing a theme here--adapters seem to be afraid of Psmith himself). It crosses over with the Blandings series, which was then just getting started. It's easy to read without having read the earlier installments, for readers who are more reluctant to take on all the cricket etc. of those books.
Wodehouse intended it that way. Leave It to Psmith was written for a different audience than the other Psmith books. Instead of British schoolboys, his readership was now adult Americans who wouldn't have known Psmith at all since the earlier books hadn't been published in the US then. They didn't care about cricket; they were looking for the kind of plot that Wodehouse is more often associated with today. Hilarious, intricate shenanigans with some light romance. And the ever versatile Psmith fits into this new genre perfectly. Perhaps that's where he belonged all along.
Leave It to Psmith is one of the finest examples of Wodehouse's best style. There are different views on this, but I personally consider his work from approximately the early 1920s through the 1930s to be the height of his talent (he had finally fully found his voice, and the stories are still new enough to avoid the more overtly formulaic feel of his later books). And Leave It to Psmith is one of the books that kicked off that era of his writing. It's got everything. A witty and distinctive prose style that complements the theatrically-influenced story and characters. A memorable cast. A bizarre and silly but ultimately sweet central romance. A shocking newspaper ad. Flowerpot throwing. Jewel heists. Gun fights. An obnoxiously large chrysanthemum. Umbrella theft. A very elegant hat. Extremely strong opinions on hollyhocks. Mistaken identity. Imposters. The worst poetry ever. The motivating power of friendship. A dead bat that apparently was somebody's mother. It's not going to remembered as a Deep Philosophical Novel ever, but that's not what we need from it. It's just fun and joyful and a delight to read.
Even though this is the one book of the series that opens with Psmith in a genuinely difficult situation and relatively low frame of mind following his father's death and the loss of the family fortunes. Psmith has skated by on his father's money for the entire series up to this point, so taking away that kind of invincibility from him was a genius choice on Wodehouse's part. It forces Psmith to grow even further in a way that he never has before. We see him at his most vulnerable; the narrative gives us more of his POV than ever, and there's a marked contrast between what goes on in his head and how he presents himself. And it's at this point that he's finally in a position for something that's never been an option to him before: a romance.
Psmith and Eve's love story would probably not work in real life. But they're in Wodehouse-land, where realism isn't the point. The point is that they are two people who complement each other well and enrich each other's lives and need each other. They're both clever and dynamic and adventurous and alone in the world. She appreciates his eccentricities, which provide the excitement she craves. He appreciates her listening skills and sympathetic nature. She's warm-hearted and impulsive; he's a calculating thinker--and they balance each other out. Each has a brand of weird that works well with the other's. It takes them a little while to get matters resolved, but Eve doesn't put up with his nonsense, and he gradually develops the emotional maturity to trust rather than manipulate. When they do get together, it's not because he's done his usual fast-talking. It's a mutual choice.
We don't get to see much of Mike and Phyllis, but it's also clear that they're happy, and it's satisfying to see that Wodehouse gave Mike, the original protagonist of the series, the ending he deserves even if he is no longer in focus and the American audience wouldn't know or care about him from previous appearances. But Psmith cares about Mike a lot. That hasn't changed, and the lengths that Psmith is willing to go to for Mike's sake are endearing. The choice to give Eve a parallel role as best friend to Mike's wife reinforces the significance of this devotion. This entire plot happens because people care very much about Mike and Phyllis Jackson. That's pretty powerful.
This is the end of the series. We never see Psmith again. But it's an ending that leaves the reader satisfied. Psmith is not trapped in an endless loop of growthless status quo for our comedic benefit. We've watched him grow up from the worldweary teenager leaning on the mantelpiece at his detested new school to a joyfully singing young man running through Blandings Castle on his way to meet the woman whom he's about to have a future of adventures alongside. In many ways, he's still his old eccentric self, but his outlook has changed for the better. He's simply, genuinely happy. What more could we wish for him? What more could we hope for ourselves?
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therandosfandos · 3 months
Text
Sum: Bender and Fry first time cuddling, they discuss who's big spoon and little spoon, Bender ends up being the little spoon
@frenderbender09 @euforimorily
One evening, after a successful delivery mission, Fry and Bender found themselves back at their apartment, lounging on the worn-out couch. The dim glow of the TV illuminated their expressions as they shared a quiet moment. The air was charged with a peculiar energy, and Fry hesitated before breaking the silence.
"Bender," Fry began tentatively, "have you ever thought about... cuddling?
Bender's optical sensor flickered with surprise. "Cuddling? What, you mean like squishy, touchy-feely stuff?"
"Yeah, exactly! I mean, we're dating, right? And I've heard it's nice and stuff."
As they settled into the idea of cuddling, an unexpected dilemma arose. The age-old debate echoed in the air: who would be the big spoon, and who the little spoon? Fry scratched his head, looking contemplative. "I guess I could be the big spoon."
Bender raised an optic in a way to make him look skeptical. "Big spoon, huh? You sure about that, meatbag?"
Fry chuckled nervously, his eyes meeting Bender's. "Yeah, why not? I think it could be nice."
"Alright, Wiggles, we can cuddle or whatever. But I'm not being the little spoon, forget it," Bender declared with his usual bravado.
Fry chuckled, "Okay, "big guy", but I warn you, my cuddling skills are top-notch. You might just change your mind.", he winks.
As they fit into each other's arms, the debate of who would be the big spoon and who would be the little spoon unfolded. After a bit of playful banter, Bender surprisingly conceded, "Fine, fine. I'll be the little spoon, but this better not leave the room."
Fry laughed, "Deal, baby."
As they nestled into each other on the couch, Bender's metal exterior providing a cool contrast to Fry's warmth, they discovered a newfound closeness. Bender, surprisingly lightweight for a robot, found himself comfortably fitting against Fry's chest.
Fry wrapped his arms around Bender, holding him protectively. "You comfy there, Waffle?"
Bender grumbled, "Yeah, yeah, meatbag. Surprisingly cozy for a softie like you."
The moment was both endearing and surreal, as the unlikely couple shared an intimate embrace. It was a side of Bender that few had witnessed — vulnerable, trusting, and content.
As the night wore on, sleep crept in, and the couple found themselves drifting off on the couch. Fry's chest rose and fell rhythmically with each breath, Bender's metal body snugly enveloped in the warmth of their shared space.
As they drifted into a peaceful slumber, Hours passed, and the couple remained entwined on the couch, finding solace in each other's presence. Unbeknownst to them, the rest of the Planet Express crew returned from their respective escapades. Leela, the no-nonsense captain, was the first to notice the scene before her.
"What the...?" she started, but Amy, the enthusiastic intern, interrupted with a delighted gasp. "Look! Fry and Bender are cuddling!"
Farnsworth, the eccentric and elderly professor, adjusted his glasses. "Oh my, it seems we've stumbled upon a rare display of robot-human affection. How intriguing!"
Amy giggled, "Well, who would've thought that Bender could be such a softie?"
Hermes shook his head in disbelief, "Man, I've seen a lot in this office, but this takes the cake."
Leela, despite her tough exterior, couldn't help but smile at the heartwarming scene. "Guess love comes in all shapes and sizes, even metallic ones."
The crew observed the unexpected spectacle with a mix of amusement and genuine warmth. Fry and Bender, oblivious to the audience, continued to sleep soundly, finding comfort in each other's company.
The room was filled with the soft hum of the city outside, blending with the steady breaths of the unlikely couple. In the quietude of the night, Fry pressed a tender kiss to the top of Bender's head. Surprisingly, Bender nuzzled closer, a rare vulnerability surfacing in the usually stoic robot.
The crew decided not to disturb the sleeping couple, leaving them to enjoy their newfound closeness. As they retreated, the door creaked shut, leaving Fry and Bender wrapped in each other's arms, oblivious to the world around them.
In the quiet of the night, Fry and Bender slept soundly, oblivious to the world around them. The warmth of their connection transcended their differences, proving that love could thrive in the most unexpected places, even in the heart of a bending robot and a 20th-century delivery boy. They loved each other and nothing would become between that.
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away-ward · 9 months
Note
What do you think Emory's relationship is like with the other Horseman and the girls apart from Alex?
Edited mainly for formatting; some new thoughts but nothing's really changed.
In general, I believe they're all supposed to have close relationships with one another. Individually, that's hard to answer since my understanding of the characters is pretty surface level (some I don't even have a concept for), I have no idea what their day-to-day friendships would be like, but I'll try to answer what I think they bond over/what how their friendship works.
Banks
Would you like to be read to filth? Catch yourself on their radar.
These two pair off pretty quickly due to their similarities in sense of humor, approach to solving problems, and background.
Definitely sharing secret looks across the table/room when nonsense is going on.
Obviously, like most of the fandom, I think Em is closest to Banks of all the girls. I think they start to like each other right away, and bond pretty quickly. They gravitate together, and especially since the other girl's can have very high energy, these two stabilized each other and keep a similar pace. I think they'd feel like they don't have to work as hard with each other, and that just makes Emory more comfortable from the start.
Winter
Polite with each other at first; more relaxed and joking over time.
Able to talk art and music. Since both are in creative fields, Winter finally has someone who can understand that side of her and help her get the creative energy flowing.
We know Winter tolerates how negative and sarcastic Damon can be, so once Emory learns that she actually appreciates it, Em feels more comfortable letting her dark humor and snark fly.
Winter is such a sweet, easy going person that I think Emory doesn't have much of a problem getting used to having her around. I think they'd start off a mild, polite, and friendly with each other, but the more they meet through Damon, the more they find to talk about, mainly joking over Damon's eccentricities. Once Emory learns that Winter is typically non-judgmental, she relaxes a little bit more into her usual sarcasm and wit. Winter enjoys Emory's sense of humor greatly. Emory also has the most flexibility in her schedule, so she might be able to help Winter with the kids more than the others.
I can also see Emory helping Winter find new pieces music for her tours. Winter might even want Emory to dust off her flute and record something for her to dance to. Winter likes to involve everyone and Emory would flattered to be included.
Damon
In their business, Emory enjoys brainstorming ideas, Damon builds. Both are creative and want their input, so when disagreements do happen, it can be a bit of a cold front in the office.
Rely on each other for reality checks.
Darkest of jokes. Inside jokes. Code words for things they don't want the others to know about.
They have a unique bond over shared trauma, and will have each others backs when there's a conflict within the family. They help each other to see things they might have overlooked, bringing each other back to reality like a touch stone. Since they understand the other's pain, they can call each other out without overstepping. They have a mutual understanding, and even one says something offensive, a grudge is never held. They also know that when it comes down to it, they're the ones that will make the hard decisions no one else wants to make. These two will do what needs to be done, and they'll do it quietly.
Rika
At first, bond over horsemen antics and how stupid their men were at the start.
They grow closer over losing their parents at a young age. Even though Rika only lost her father, the fact that she felt abandoned by her mom didn't help, and Em understands what it's like to have a parent who loves you there one day and gone the next.
Next to Alex, helps Emory explore her darker feminine side the most.
They have completely different strengths, weaknesses, and approach to life, so they'd have to learn how to appreciate each other's methods. Since Rika is the more out-going and sociable of the two, it falls to her to take the lead in building the friendship. Emory can come off cold and critical, even when not meaning to. Fortunately, Rika has plenty of practice dealing with that, so she doesn't take offense. They fall into a natural flow eventually.
Because personal connection is so important to Rika, she's the first to put a lot of effort into making Emory feel welcomed, almost overwhelming Emory. Em might struggle to keep up with her high-energy sometimes, but loves the unconditional love Rika proudly displays. She doesn't have to guess where she stands with Rika, and for Em that would be appreciated.
Kai
Both are private and protective of themselves and what they hold close, so a friendship between them would be quiet but respectful.
Able to enjoy the others company in silence. There's no great urgency for them to fill the space with chit-chat. Over time, this could lead them to being more sensitive to the other's thoughts and feelings.
Kai values tradition and reliability, whereas Emory doesn't mind shaking things up and acting on whim, but they both take calculated risks. Key word is: calculated.
I see a friendship between Kai and Emory being quiet, but respectful at the start. Since neither of them are particularly chatty people, there's no urgency to fill the silence when left alone, and over time this could lead to them being more sensitive to each other's moods.
Not sure how long it would take them to bond, or what would bring them closer to deepen their relationship. It could start when trains her in self-defense, and recognizes her survival instincts and determination. He might also appreciate having another reasonable mind around. I think of all the couples, he'd trust his kids to the Grayson's the most, and Em is probably the biggest reason for that.
As for Emory, I think she'd welcome the knowledge of how to quiet her thoughts and that the doesn't pry for information she's not ready to share. And we know Kai was the horseman Emory liked the most in high school, so those positive feelings could start to resurface.
Once they do find a balance, they sync up easily. It might take a while, but they would to learn to appreciate each other.
Michael
Bonds over concepts, planning, and debating.
Frequently argue about what's best for Thunder Bay; when to renovate versus when to tear down and start new.
While they disagree a lot, at the end of the day, they have similar values when it comes to the important stuff, and will support each other when it comes to that.
Michael and Emory are tough. Neither of them need a lot of emotional support in their day-to-day, and what they do need they get from other sources, so most of their conversations are thinly veiled arguments. But don't worry, they actually love the mental stimulation. That's the spark of their friendship. The group even keeps a tally of who wins each argument, but they've learned that if it goes on too long, it can become a disaster.
I think it would probably take them the longest to get to know each other beyond a surface level. I can see it starting with Emory appreciating his serious approach to situations. Of course, she loves Will's playfulness, but to know Michael is there to make sure logical prevails when it needs to might be reassuring for her.
For Michael, I think he would most appreciate Emory's initiative. One thing he didn't like about Alex or Rika in the beginning was that they waited to be told what to do. Emory hesitated to do what she wanted, but she never needed to be told to make a decision and act on it. When their goals begin to align, he could see her as a powerful ally. I think she's probably a tie breaker between him and Banks often.
If anyone does have HC, feel free to share! I'd love to have a better understanding of how others view them.
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maybeimamuppet · 7 months
Text
birds of a feather
hellooooooo!!! welcome BACK everyone!! i hope you’ve all had a wonderful day!!
so sorry it’s been so long since i’ve been posting! Life Is Happening Very Much All The Time and it’s a little hard for me to find the balance of this and the rest of. that nonsense. at the moment lol. but we have this!!
this will unfortunately probably be it for another little bit BUT i do have something special that i’m hoping very hard to post around the holidays so that’ll be fun!! and then we’ll be back to our usual. sporadic nonsense in the new year :)
this was requested by someone!! but i have lost it in the internet void and unfortunately have no idea who it is so if you do please let me know!!!
anyway. i don’t think i need any tws!! but if i’m forgetting something please let me know and i’ll add it in :)
enjoy!!
—————
Today is a very important day.
Why, you might be asking. Is it a birthday? A holiday? Some big achievement?
No, children, you’re wrong.
Today is the day Matilda and Miss Honey get a pet.
They don’t know exactly what sort, yet. Matilda’s read about practically every animal in the books, so to speak, so they know how to care for whatever they pick.
Matilda’s been begging for some little thing. Company, whenever one of them happens to be home alone, and a little friend for the both of them to have.
They finally reach the local pet store. Archibald Crumplebottom’s Menagerie of Animals and Other Eccentricities. Sounds like their sort of place. It has quite a large sign, but even still, the Eccentricities bit has a wooden board all of its own hanging below the rest so the whole name fits.
There’s a lovely sort of tinkling as they push open the front door and head inside, caused by a few jingle bells dangling from the door handle.
Dogs and cats and birds and all sorts of things start barking and meowing and tweeting and a myriad of other sounds at the two of them as they walk in. A man dressed in nice trousers, a button-up top, and a waistcoat pushes through a beaded curtain at the back and stops behind the counter to greet them, with a little green parrot perched upon the top of his head.
The parrot is the one to welcome them. It gives a great squawk followed by a, “Hello! Hello!”
Matilda giggles at the strange creature. The man gently feeds it a treat and simply nods at the two of them. Miss Honey keeps a tight hold of Matilda’s hand and starts winding them through the aisles.
There’s baskets full of little puppies towards the back. Another with cats. Matilda lets them sniff and nibble at her fingers and sees if any of them catch their eye.
Miss Honey coos over the kittens, scratching each little head and smiling at the content purrs she gets in response. “How about a cat?”
Matilda considers it. “I would like one. But I think we must consider all the options first.”
Miss Honey nods. “Alright then.”
They continue meandering up and down the aisles. They scritch at guinea pigs and bunny rabbits. Matilda does also adore the idea of a pet rabbit. Miss Honey seems a bit frightened when they get to the glass enclosures holding reptiles. Matilda carefully presses against them to observe the snakes. “Ooh.”
“A snake?” Miss Honey chuckles incredulously. “You’d like a snake?”
“You wouldn’t?”
“No,” Miss Honey replies immediately. Matilda hums and giggles as one of the snakes yawns. Miss Honey makes a small frightened noise and leaves as soon as she sees his fangs.
Matilda takes her time to observe the lizards and frogs and toads as well. Miss Honey seems more okay with these sorts of reptiles, but still not entirely keen. Matilda doesn’t completely understand why. For whatever reason, she’s always liked things that squirm and creep and crawl. Regardless, she moves on. It’s only fair to pick something they’d both enjoy.
Matilda holds Miss Honey’s hand as they continue meandering the aisles. This place has all sorts of things. Gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, even squirrels in the small animals section. Dogs and cats and turtles and snakes and lizards and fish. Matilda and Miss Honey both spend an inordinate amount of time staring at the large fish tanks and watching the colorful creatures swim around. There’s even a little shark in one.
There’s even a few things they didn’t even think of as potential pets. Baby goats and little cows and pigs. There’s also something in a cage all of its own that neither of them are entirely sure they can identify. It’s almost like a small bear, or a large cat. It opens its mouth and releases a noise almost like a dog. They stand there taking guesses as to what it could be. They’re not positive they’re any closer than they started by the time they move along.
They pass the bunny cage again. Matilda carefully reaches in to stroke over their little heads. These bunnies seem much more friendly than the ones in the woods she’s met. They happily let her pet them, and a few even come closer to ask for some extras.
Matilda sees something move just out of the corner of her eye. It’s the shop owner, with the bird still on his head. He seems to be on his way to check on some of the animals. He winks at her, and motions her over with a finger.
Matilda frowns in confusion and heads his way. She loses sight of him, but heads down the same aisle he did.
The man isn’t there. She peeks around the far corner to see if she can find him, see what he wanted from her, but it’s as if he completely disappeared. She blinks in confusion and looks around.
Just as she sees the birds spanning either side of this aisle, she hears the faint clicking of wooden beads in the distance. She shrugs and steps closer to one of the bird cages.
The first one has parrots. Blue ones and red ones and green ones like the one on the man’s head. They squawk at her, and some even say hello. Matilda politely says hello back and continues wandering up the aisle. There’s canaries and doves and parakeets and cockatoos and… a chicken. It doesn’t seem to be the brightest creature, as it pecks at nothing on the floor. Matilda wonders if he’s not giving himself quite a headache doing that.
Matilda turns and pauses as she sees the cage behind her. Budgerigars.
They’re very cute. Some are awake and chirping contently to themselves, while others hang on fake branches or play with toys or nibble on pellets or curl up for a nap. Matilda’s eye is immediately drawn to two, cuddled up together in the back left corner and sound asleep.
There’s a sign hanging from the bottom listing how many budgies are inside. Pictures of each are listed, but no names. The two napping in the corner are pictured together, with a notice stating, Bonded Mother and Daughter Pair. Must Be Adopted Together.
Matilda looks at them more closely. One of them, the larger one, has belly feathers of a vibrant lime green. Its wings are striped, a yellowish-green and black, and it has a yellow face. The other one is facing the other way, so Matilda can’t see it as well. She can see its wings are almost like a zebra, white and black striped. The back of its head is a peaceful blue, almost the color of the sky.
She jumps when she hears a voice say, “There you are. Goodness, this place is huge. I swear it’s bigger than it looks like it could possibly be from the outside.”
Matilda smiles and nods, hooking her little fingers into the cage and leaning in closer to see them. Miss Honey gently rests her hands on Matilda’s shoulders and takes a look as well.
“Aww,” she hums. “Aren’t they sweet.”
Matilda tips her head up to look at her mother. “I like those ones.”
Miss Honey crouches down to her height and looks where Matilda points at the two napping together. “Aww. They’re quite cute.”
Matilda nods. “Can we get them?”
She feels Miss Honey smile and leans in closer to rest their heads together. “I don’t see why not. They seem to be good friends.”
“They’re mother and daughter,” Matilda says, pointing to the sign.
“How sweet,” Miss Honey says. “Well, we’ll need some bird things then, let’s go see about that.”
The next aisle over is all the things to care for birds. They choose a very large cage that they’ll have to put together themselves, so the birds can have plenty of room to play and live. They get a variety of perches and things for them to sit on and hang from. Even a cozy looking little hammock to suspend from one. Toys to hang in their cage and other things for enrichment.
Matilda grunts as she grabs a huge bag of bird food from a lower shelf. It’s so heavy that she topples over backwards and ends up with the food next to her. “Whoa!”
“Careful,” Miss Honey chuckles. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
Matilda lifts the large bag with her legs and adjusts it so she can have a good grip. It’s all she can carry, so Miss Honey grabs a small bird bath that clips onto the cage, food dishes and water dishes, and some supplies to clean up after them.
They stumble up to the counter and deposit all their things on the splintering old wood. The man returns from the back, echoed by a roar of some sort from the room and the clacking of the beaded curtain as he pushes his way through. He looks at their items, and then at the two of them.
“We’d like two budgies please,” Matilda says softly, as politely as she can. The man nods and smiles at her. He lifts a portion of the counter and steps through it, leading them back to the bird aisle. He stops at the budgie cage and looks down at Matilda. Matilda points at the two. “Those ones.”
The man nods and carefully plucks the parrot off his head. He rests it on top of the budgie cage and gently taps its head with a gentle finger as he slides the lock open and lowers the gate. He carefully grabs the two birds in one large hand and replaces the parrot, gently resting them on his head. Neither of them seem too fussed by this, holding onto his hair with their little talons and sinking into his curls like a nest.
Matilda tips her head in confusion and watches as he carries the parrot back to the counter on his finger and the budgies on his head. The parrot gets rested on the ancient looking cash register. The man keeps the little birds on his head as he checks the tags on all the items and types them in, each of the cash register’s keys making a very satisfying clank as they’re pushed.
Miss Honey looks at the total when the man looks at her expectantly and opens her wallet. The man finally removes the birds from his head and places them in special little boxes so they’ll be safe on the journey home. The parrot is replaced, and chirps happily at the shiny coins Miss Honey gets as her change.
“Thank you,” Miss Honey says as they gather their things and start the trek out. The man simply nods, and the green parrot squawks once more.
“Please come again!”
Matilda giggles and grabs the birds to carry them home. She turns around just as the bells on the door jingle, and only sees the wooden beads in the back quietly clacking together once again.
—————
Matilda and Miss Honey spent the afternoon struggling through putting together the cage. Matilda read the instructions while Miss Honey tried to put it together, then they switched jobs, and still had no luck. It turned out they were missing one of the screwdrivers they needed and had to take a rushed trip to the hardware store.
Matilda clipped and placed in all the perches and toys and food dishes and other things just so, and kept pulling them off and snapping them back in (sometimes in exactly the same place) until she decided she was satisfied.
Food and water were filled, and in went the birds.
Matilda ran across town to Mrs. Phelps’ library in the empty field a ways away from the school and got every book on birds she could carry back home. She read them aloud to Miss Honey so they both had a refresher on how to care for their new pets.
They left the birds alone for the first few weeks. They gave them time to adjust to the new cage and new surroundings. Sometimes they close the doors to the living room, where the bird cage sits by the window, and open the cage so the birds have the option to fly around and explore. They haven’t yet, but they inch a little closer to it every time.
Every morning, Matilda comes down the stairs in her pajamas. She lifts the cloth off the cage and says good morning to the budgies. She refills their food and water, and gives the cage a quick clean. And she hooks her fingers through the metal grate, stares at them, and wonders what their names should be.
It makes sense for each of them to name one bird. They just don’t know which one. They both love both of them equally. They’ll have to decide soon.
This morning, the little blue budgie is sitting right on the other side of the cage when Matilda lifts off the cover. Matilda jumps and blinks at the little creature. The bird does the same at her. It cheeps quietly.
“Hello,” Matilda greets. She gently pokes one of her fingers through close to the bird just to see what it does. It scoots back a bit, hesitates, and then inches back to her. Matilda doesn’t move, and eventually, the bird hops onto her finger and just sits. Matilda smiles.
Miss Honey comes down the stairs, yawning and stretching. “Morning, dear.”
“Good morning,” Matilda says softly.
“How are our little friends today?” Miss Honey asks, coming up and peeking over Matilda’s shoulder. She smiles as she sees the one perched on Matilda’s finger. “Aww. I think she likes you.”
“Can I let them out?” Matilda asks, looking up at her mother.
“Sure. Let’s close the doors,” Miss Honey responds. She goes to do that, while Matilda gently nudges the little blue one off her hand. When she hears both of the heavy wooden doors that lead to the room click shut, she carefully unlocks the latch and opens the little grate so the birds can leave the cage if they should want to.
Miss Honey returns to her, and they both stand a ways from the cage so the birds don’t feel pressured by them standing so close.
Nothing happens for a few minutes.
They aren’t really surprised. The budgies have taken their time acclimating, and it’s normal for them to still be hesitant to leave the safety of their cage. Matilda’s a bit disappointed that neither of them want to fly around yet, but she understands.
Her eyes widen when there’s suddenly a blue blur flying across the room, followed by a light weight on the top of her head. She crosses her eyes and looks upwards, and can just barely see a little blue face with a beak perched on her head.
Miss Honey bites her lip and giggles into her hand so she doesn’t laugh too loud and startle the little thing. “I think that one must be yours, then. She really seems to like you.”
Matilda smiles and carefully reaches up to offer her finger again. The bird happily hops onto it and lets Matilda hold it for a little bit.
“I still don’t know what to name her,” Matilda grumbles to herself.
“It’s a lot of pressure,” Miss Honey acknowledges. “Have you had any ideas?”
Matilda shrugs. “Sort of. None of the names of birds in books really suit her.”
“Mm,” Miss Honey hums. “Well, take a good look at her close, now. See if anything comes to mind.”
“What are you naming yours?” Matilda asks, looking up at her mother.
“I’m not completely sure, yet. I think this one looks quite a bit like a Winnifred. Winnie.”
Matilda looks at the little green bird. That one is the mother, they’ve surmised, and she’s sitting on the open gate. Half in the cage, half out. Just watching the world outside. Matilda nods.
“It suits her.”
Miss Honey smiles and gently reaches out a finger for Winnie. Winnie seems to be the more nervous of the two, but she does allow for a few gentle scritches on her feathery head.
Matilda looks back to the blue one. What to name her?
Sky? How unoriginal. Zee? Cute, but doesn’t feel quite right. Lavender suggested Tweety, and Amanda said Matilda should name her Daffy.
Nothing feels quite right.
Miss Honey notices her internal turmoil and comes over to her. This bird allows for even more pets.
“You’ll think of something perfect,” Miss Honey comforts Matilda. “Don’t stress. She doesn’t know any difference whether she has a name or not.”
“But every creature deserves a perfect name,” Matilda says quietly, furrowing her brow in frustration.
“Well, let’s think. What sorts of things would you like to name her after?”
“I dunno.”
“Then what sorts of things do you like?”
“Books,” Matilda says immediately. “Um… history. We’ve been doing Greek mythology in my history class. That’s quite interesting.”
“Oh, yes, ancient Greek history is fascinating,” Miss Honey agrees. “What about them? Do you have any favorite figures?”
“Helen,” Matilda says immediately. “I think that’s a bit formal for a bird.”
“It’s nice, but if you think something else might work better…” Miss Honey says. “Anyone else?”
“Athena,” Matilda continues. Miss Honey glances to the little bird on Matilda’s finger.
“Well, she’s not exactly an owl, but I think Athena is a beautiful name.”
Matilda looks at her sky-blue plumage and beady little black eyes. She moves the little bird closer to her face and stares into her eyes. The bird blinks. Matilda blinks back. The bird cheeps quietly. Matilda smiles.
“Athena,” she says with a nod.
“Winnifred and Athena,” Miss Honey says. “Quite the pair we’ve got, eh?”
Matilda giggles. “Yeah. I like them though.”
“I like them too,” Miss Honey says, looking at the girl and her bird with a loving smile. “Hello, Athena.”
Athena peeps at her.
“She said hello back,” Matilda translates.
“You speak budgie, hm?” Miss Honey chuckles, gently ruffling Matilda’s hair. Matilda nods, and Miss Honey laughs even louder. “I wouldn’t be surprised. But I think it’s time to put this little one back and come have breakfast.”
“Okay,” Matilda sighs. “See you in a bit, Athena.”
She slips the little bird back in the cage with her mother and latches the door, and heads into the kitchen to have breakfast with her own.
How nice to have two new family members.
—————
thank you for reading!! hope you enjoyed
in other more unfortunate news, one of my Recent Life Happenings is that my own real life miss honey got very sick and passed away at the end of this summer. so, this is dedicated to her :) thank you, SB, for teaching me to sing like a bird.
anyway!! have a wonderful. period of time. until i next see you and thank you very much again for reading !! lots of love, ezzy
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tenebriism · 5 months
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Another season sparks another letter; the idle but warm hearted chatter of a delicate cerulean scrawl once again having found its way into the Khaenri’ahn’s presence. There’s far less purpose to it this time beyond an open stream of consciousness tinged with endearing eccentricity - but Jean feels better for having sent it, all the same. A note to let him know she is thinking of him. A note to remind him that someone still cares. 
Dear nameless breath stealer, 
Can you believe it’s been another three months already? The seasons seem to be passing more and more quickly this year, with Autumn already bringing changes in on the breeze. I always thought Mondstadt was very much a city for Springtime, but as the leaves change to shades of orange and brown I can’t help but think perhaps I was mistaken. Perhaps next time you get a chance to steal away from your adventures, you’ll be able to walk with me and see it? I can’t promise I won’t be fully embracing my long forgotten youth and kicking my feet through piles of leaves, but I think you’d enjoy it. It’s peaceful and perhaps even homely. 
Not that I would dare to presume you need consider it a home of course! I know your roots lie in other places, but should you have need of a haven, at least for a little while, I like to think as a nation we might carry just enough charm to make it a pleasant stay. (And yes, dear knight, I am aware that every letter I send you sounds more and more like a tourist brochure for singing Mondstadt’s praises.)
I think I just want to show you so many things and share with you the snippets of mundanity that make me smile, it’s become a second nature now. The amount of times I’ll have walked past a shop window or seen a particularly nice flower and thought, ‘I know who would love this…’ is almost embarrassing to admit. Although these days, particularly now the nights are drawing in, it’s often more after dark that I find you once again in my thoughts. 
It’s definitely one of the perks of the Autumn season; knowing that the sky will drawn in a little bit earlier and the stars will once again twinkle to life. I still wholly stand by my belief you may well have fallen from those stars, but should the moon ever come looking for you, I’ll gladly throw hands to defend your honour, my starlight friend. 
And yes, alright, perhaps I am talking nonsense now. It’s been a long day, but sharing these odd little thoughts with you makes the distance that bit more tolerable. Although on the bright side, at least as the season changes lantern rite creeps ever closer. 
In another few months, we’ll be back in each other’s company and keeping our time honoured tradition alive. But until then, know that I…miss you. And I hope above all else, that you are happy, healthy and safe. 
Stay out of trouble, starshine, 
- J. x
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The letter is somewhat STAINED, this time, and the handwriting quite MESSY in comparison to its writer's usual pretty cursive. Her letter finds him amidst a time he needs it MOST, and whether or not SHE knew that, or the gods are playing the game of MERCY with him again, he shan't take a blessing for granted. Perhaps he could have waited until he isn't struggling with himself so the letter could be completely legible, but reading her letter, and swiftly sitting down to RESPOND to it, means he may bask in the feelings and emotions she grants him with ease even longer.
The happiness may be shortlived, but he will cling to it, as he always does.
[ su nshine in dark ti mes ,
im sorry if this letter is a strug gle to deciph er. i fair les s th an well at p resent. do n o t worry , this wil l not kee p me fr om seein g you at the lant ern r i te. of that, iam cert ai n and pr omis e you.
The love and admiration you house for your nation is a pleasant comfort; in that regard, we are very similar. The times I have found myself in or around Mondstadt, I have always felt a sense of home and belonging. Perhaps it is because I know you are there, working tirelessly to ensure it continues to feel that way for both myself and the others who both live and travel there. Regardless, I can say for sure that, of all the nations I have visited, Mondstadt is the one that seems to care for its people the most.
Were I to ever settle down, unlikely though it may be, I am confident Mondstadt would be in my favored choices to do so.
My travels have taken me far from your wind-embraced home, but there is beauty in knowing we are gazing up at the same sky every night. It makes me feel like the distance betwixt us is not so heartbreakingly massive, even if the sun may banish the feeling come morning time.
That you would compare me to starlight is strange, but not unwelcomed. I have certainly fallen, yes, but not from the stars. I have fallen in a great many ways. If I am, indeed, some sort of fallen star, however, then it is befitting that you are the sun. The stars are always out, and whilst we cannot see them during the day, they are there. I like to think they find peace and respite when the sun comes up. A chance to have a break, to bask in the beauties and purities of the sun.
Then, nighttime falls and the sun retreats, bringing darkness and loneliness as the moon then rises to take its place. There, the stars shine again. I used to think I preferred the latter hours of the night, when all is quiet and I may exist undisturbed, though I am starting to enjoy the sun, too. It is blinding and powerful, but beneath it, I find peace. I can merely . . . be. ]
There is a tear beneath this section, where the force of his unsteady hand has ripped the paper. With how ABRUPTLY the letter then proceeds to end, 'tis evident he'd been afraid of tearing it entirely. He needed SOMETHING to send back to her. Something intact, something to let her know she hadn't been forgotten, and that she, too, was missed.
[ i mi ss y ou too. re m em ber to tak e car e of you rsel f, s unsh ine.
~ D . ]
@gunnhildred ;;
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vatican3 · 1 year
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i would once again love to hear your thoughts
See when I posted that it did not occur to me how hard it would be to explain this.
AU to consider:
- Nihil is an exceptionally sheltered little weirdo raised Pentecostal who is, in her teen years, completely relying on Bestie to figure out things Outside of the church. So like. All of their sexual experimenting was with each other.
- For those of you unaware about Pentecostalism’s whole deal they’re very big on feeling the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, possession, it’s a very charismatic (in the religious sense) and high energy religion.
- Family is absolutely not dealing with her intersex situation gracefully and is raising her as a boy but not at all trying to educate her in any helpful way about her own body or. Anyone else’s. Which is how this falls on Bestie which is kind of funny because he’s an idiot.
- Nihil and Bestie inevitably get to fucking around and Nihil is having a Pentecostal meltdown about going to hell but not enough to make her stop. So. (She asks if he ever worries about going to hell and he’s like. No I’m kind of focused on the hot girl* I’m kissing.)
*Nihil still hasn’t really figured out she’s a girl but she’s getting there. There’s some kind of discomfort that she isn’t putting together yet.
- After they graduate they end up moving more into the city into an apartment together totally not dating but also not not dating. They’re confused.
- Nihil is interested in furthering her rebellion against her parents and separating from her Christian upbringing and would like to do this via Tattoos & Piercings. Thankfully Bestie knows a gal (Imperator).
- Imp is many of Nihil’s awakenings. Imp is how Nihil figures out she’s a girl. Imp has done every single one of Nihil’s (quickly numerous) tattoos. (Nihil’s working as a receptionist for a doctor’s office. It’s not exciting but it’s liberating to have her own money. And she can use it to get the pretty girl to decorate her.)
- She barely even comes in with ideas anymore, she just lets Imp try out whatever designs she’s itching to put on flesh. They’re clearly hitting on each other but being terrible at approaching the situation until Imp asks her out for drinks. They get absolutely sloshed. They fuck in a gross bar bathroom. And then again back at Imp’s apartment on her couch.
- It’s exactly Nihil’s luck that she gets knocked up from the first risk she has ever taken in her life. Calls family about it. They tell her they have to get married. Imp is so on board for this. They go from not dating to being married in like a month span.
- Imp’s family is all cool. Eccentric atheists and Satanists and a smattering of Pagans. Nihil’s family fucking hates them. Imp’s family is very understanding about Nihil’s gender situation. They are very thrilled for Imp’s new wife!
- Bestie is Nihil’s best man, obviously. He is only a little bit spiritually crushed by the fact that he cucked himself by introducing his best friend that he’s in love with to the girl she ended up marrying.
- When the baby is born Bestie is their go-to babysitter and it does Not take Imp very long to notice how he looks at Nihil and is like ohhhh okay they’re in love with each other. Got it. Instead of being upset she’s just like, well Nihil deserves happiness and I’m willing to share! So they discuss. And become a throuple. (You can imagine how thrilled Nihil’s family is about this development.)
- Imp isn’t sold on Bestie personally yet. But he grows on her. And it’s way easier to parent with three of them. She’s happy to adjust to this kind of life! She is MORE than happy to watch what kind of effect Bestie has on Nihil.
etc:
- All of Nihil’s tattoos are traditional or woodcut style. She went and got someone from someone else one time to see if she was really into the tattooing or just really into Imp—it ended up being some kind of fineline nonsense she hated and begged Imp to rework to be bolder. Usually Imp doesn’t like to fuck around with other people’s work but she can make an exception for Nihil, especially considering how possessive she is (she was not happy when she learned Nihil went to someone else).
- Nihil. Septum. So many ear piercings. VCH. Are you listening. She’s running out of places to put metal in her body. Her parents fucking hate it.
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defineshitposting · 2 years
Note
1x2
GODDDDD I LOVE THEM YES
who hogs the duvet
Both of them like to have a lot of layers when they sleep (when you are tiny and old it is easy to get chilly at night) but 1 is on another level with it. 2 curls up with the blankets 1 positively cocoons himself.
who is the most creative when it comes to gifts
2s the most apt to give actual presents. He'll gather up any piece of jewelry or pretty fabric he finds out in the ruins, hoard it away for a bit, and then surprise 1 with an extravagant bundle of treasures. Floors 1 every time. 1 meanwhile will spot any sort of technology and very bashfully offer it to 2 like "is this? useful?" (inventing is not in 1s repertoire lol) and 2 is always over the moon about it.
who suggests new things in bed
2. Besides the fact that being an anthropology nerd means he's already fascinated by such things, he finds the way that 1 is always always scandalized by these suggestions incredibly amusing, especially given that 1 is perfectly capable of his own debauchery.
who cries at movies
2s the most prone to getting misty over sad movies, but at one point they're all watching a Charlie Chaplin flic (City Lights) and while 1 is mostly ambivalent about it, he bursts into tears at the ending, surprising everyone. He is not immune to sappy nonsense.
who gives unprompted massages
2, he's so touchy-feely! 1 will show the slightest inkling of discomfort and 2 will immediately be directing him to sit down and let him work on whatever joint is being bothersome. 1 does not object.
who fusses over the other when they're sick
In a complete 180 of his previous attitude of "go tend to your wounds somewhere that won't annoy me" 1 postcanon is much more attentive. 2 deals with lingering effects of being attached to the Seamstress, and while 1 is nowhere near the healer 2 and 5 are, he's stubborn and also surprisingly tender, which is often exactly what 2 needs. On the other side of it, 2 is 2. He's gentle and excellent at telling when something is Off TM, which when dealing with someone as full of himself as 1 is a very good asset to have. Comforts 1 when he has a (not uncommon) nightmare too.
who gets jealous easiest
He's slowly yet surely unlearning it but it's definitely 1 lmao. 2 will go out scouting with one of the others and 1 will just grumble and sulk for the rest of the day very dramatically.
who has the most embarrassing taste in music
They both have their moments lol. 2 lovesssss music so much and will hum along to it happily once he's learned the tune. This is a favorite. 1 also loves music but feels the need to be private about it. Gets caught singing by himself one time and is so flustered about it meanwhile 2 is completely heart-eyeing.
who collects something unusual
2 has a thing with anything clockwork, so he's slowly gathered a large amount of watches that he greatly enjoys fiddling with. 1s appreciation of jewelry also means things sometimes get a little gnarly lol. He once found a lone gold-capped tooth in the ruins, and after ruminating over the disturbing implications of it being there, pocketed it.
whose the most tidy and organized
2 isn't necessarily disorganized, it's more just a case of eccentric dad who has a complete jumble of things in various drawers yet manages to know exactly where each item is. 1 on the other hand is nearly obsessive with things looking neat. Adjusting lights by a few millimeters, smoothing the tiniest of ripples out of the rugs, the whole nine yards.
who takes the longest to get ready
1 by a mile lol. Only under the direst of circumstances will he actually hold off on making sure he looks his best and 2 finds it soooooo endearing right up until they're actually in a rush at which point he starts pacing.
who is the big spoon/little spoon
Ordinarily it's 1 (taller, likes to grab, shoulders perfect place to plant face, etc) but the first time 2 sleepily curls up around 1 and Holds him, 1 has a complete bluescreen moment in the best way.
who gets the most excited about the holidays
2 to a huge extent he loves loves loves holidays. Finds them utterly charming. 1 thinks they're ridiculous human constructs up until Valentine's rolls around, upon which his opinion improves considerably.
who gets most competitive
1 of course always wants to be seen as powerful and competent, so he hates losing at any of the group's games. Losing to 2 at sparring isn't his favorite thing, but at least 1 gets a chance for some eye candy
who starts the most arguments
Obviously 1 lmao. Not even necessarily serious things (although that happens too) he just loves bickering. 2 puts up with it because despite the sunshiney exterior, he likes letting off some steam with a good row every now and then. Good enrichment for the both of them lol.
who suggests a pet
Less of a suggestion and more of a running joke, but 2 frequently states that 1 is a cat person. This remains an inside joke until 6 hears it and draws a very mr bigglesworth + dr evil type picture of 1 with a cat that 2 finds hysterical. 1 is slightly less amused.
what couples tradition do they have
Reading together! 2 prefers nonfiction while 1 likes dime novels, especially mystery. They take turns on page-turning duty.
what other couple do they hang out with
5 and 9! 9s absolutely ecstatic over them getting together but it takes awhile for 5 to stop constantly giving 1 the "if you so much as hurt his feelings I'll make you wish you'd stayed dead" eye lol.
how do they spend time together as a couple
Lots and lots of relaxing together. They'll often chat for a while but much of their (non fooling around) alone time is spent in comfortable silence. Similar to the others, winter is spent together hunkered down where it's warmest.
who made the first move
The first declaration of love came from 1, and the first steps of actually making it a relationship came from 2 soon after. Took them both awhile to get there, there were lots of things that had to be said and done first (especially on 1s part), but once they got there it came easily.
who brings flowers home
2 has a long term project of getting the few surviving orchid seeds he found to grow, simply because he caught 1 admiring an old botanical drawing of some. He's eventually successful and the plant becomes 1s most prized gift.
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the-orangeauthor · 1 year
Text
You know who I’ll never forget? Those biology teachers I had during my a levels. I can’t even remember their names but I won’t ever forget them as people.
One of them wasn’t actually *my* bio teacher, but he was my tutor and I saw him once a week and we talked about life stuff as a little class. I stayed behind one day and said I wanted advice on uni applications to medicine since I was the first in my family to go. He asked me if I would prefer a long answer exam or short answer and asked if I liked writing. I kinda mumbled that ‘yeah I actually like to write stories and stuff’ and he asked me to show him so I logged in to my wattpad and showed him and he was amazed. He then saw my little art collection on the screen and asked to see it and scrolled through some. He told me I should come to the department office and play on the iPad and experiment with digital art.
My actual first year biology teacher was an older lady. Sometimes she was a little off her rocker but it was kind of endearing and I loved her. She came by and saw my dragon drawings one day when we were having a lazy lesson and she loved them. I was off sick for a few days and my friend told me she had asked for me as there was something she wanted to give me. When our teacher came in and saw me she handed me her copy of ‘A Natural History of Dragons’ and said ‘it’s one of those nonsense story books but I thought you’d quite enjoy it!’ And I didn’t get through it all but I loved it and I now have my own copy .
The third one was one I met in my second year. He was one of those younger teachers who was kind of eccentric and weird but very lovable. He once responded to a question about science and religion with ‘religion isn’t a science so it’s not fair to put them against each other’. He also caught me drawing once and asked if I was an artist. I was stumped until my friend elbowed me and said yes for me. He asked if I’d be willing to share my work with him and he sent me a picture on Slack of a line art drawing he did of Spider-Man and I sent him back a picture of my dragon Eron.
There was something about them. Scientists who still held their art close. They had department painting nights as well as bowling. They were good friends. They saw my art and they didn’t tell me I was wasting my time. They shared their passion with me instead and showed me that I didn’t have to give up one to focus on the other. They showed me the kind of future I want for myself where I still have time for all the things I love and I will always be grateful to them for it.
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byneddiedingo · 1 year
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Edmund Gwenn, Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Natalie Paley, and Brian Aherne in Sylvia Scarlett (George Cukor, 1935) Cast: Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Brian Aherne, Edmund Gwenn, Dennie Moore, Natalie Paley. Screenplay: Gladys Unger, John Collier, Mortimer Offner, based on a novel by Compton MacKenzie. Cinematography: Joseph H. August. Art direction: Van Nest Polglase, Sturges Carne. Film editing: Jane Loring. Music: Roy Webb. Bear with me while I try to remember the plot of Sylvia Scarlett because I'm not entirely sure that I didn't fall asleep and dream it: When the wife of an Englishman living in France dies, he decides to return to England with his daughter. But because he is suspected of having embezzled money from the company for which he is an accountant, he and his daughter decide that she will disguise herself as a boy because the authorities will be looking for a man traveling with a girl. So on the boat crossing the Channel, they meet a cheerful Cockney con-man, to whom the other Englishman confesses that he's smuggling a bolt of fine lace through customs. But when they arrive in England, the Cockney points them out to the officials and the Englishman and his daughter-disguised-as-a-boy are detained and fined and the lace is confiscated. Then on the train to London, they coincidentally find themselves in the same compartment as the Cockney, who not only repays the fine but even gives the Englishman a little extra money, while also revealing that he's a smuggler with diamonds concealed in the heel of his shoe, and that he turned them in to divert attention from himself. All is square, except that now the Cockney proposes that they team up and run a few cons together. They're not very good at it, so when the Cockney reads an article saying that a rich couple are taking an extended holiday out of the country, he decides that they should rob the deserted house. The plan is thwarted by the maid the couple has left behind, so they persuade her to go on the road with them as traveling entertainers. They hire a wagon and go to Cornwall and give a show that attracts the attention of a rich young artist and his Russian girlfriend. The artist tells the son/daughter that he wants to paint him/her, but he/she swipes a dress and a hat that were left behind on the beach by a woman who has gone swimming and shows up at his studio as a woman, but the Russian girlfriend is outraged to find her there. Meanwhile, the Englishman has taken to drink and fallen in love with the maid and one night wanders out drunkenly in the fog and falls to his death from a cliff. After his funeral, the daughter and the Cockney return to their wagon (the maid has somehow disappeared for good), but they hear a cry for help from the Russian, who has apparently attempted suicide because the artist doesn't love her anymore, so the daughter plunges into the ocean and rescues her, returning her to the artist. Then the Cockney and the Russian decide to run away together, so the daughter and the artist pursue them, winding up on a train and somehow realizing that they're in love with each other. Now, to the point: Why in hell did anyone ever think this made enough sense to film? Or that the completed film would please critics and attract audiences? (It didn't.) But the truth is, it's not unwatchable, and sometimes, if you're in the mood for the utterly bizarre, it's sort of fun to watch, mainly because the Cockney is played by Cary Grant and the son-daughter by Katharine Hepburn, in their first on-screen teaming.* And perhaps because Edmund Gwenn as the Englishman is as charming as ever. And also perhaps because George Cukor is one of the few directors of the period who could leaven this lump of Edwardian nonsense: It's based on a novel by Compton MacKenzie, a now-forgotten writer with a taste for whimsy and a tolerance for sexual ambiguity. The screenplay was mostly written by John Collier, another writer with a decidedly eccentric view of the world, with the help of Gladys Unger and Mortimer Offner. Naturally, the Production Code weighs heavily on the ambiguous sexuality of the film, though we are never really quite sure whether the artist played by Brian Aherne is more attracted to Sylvia than to Sylvester. (Hepburn is quite beautiful as either.) But mostly the film gives us a chance to see Grant before Archibald Leach, the product of a troubled working-class family, completely became "Cary Grant," the embodiment of sophistication: There's a darkly threatening sexuality to his character, Jimmy Monkley, that's compelling and makes us wonder why Hepburn's Sylvia should prefer Aherne's much softer Michael Fane. Sylvia Scarlett has a cult following today that it doesn't entirely deserve, but it remains a fascinatingly mad mess. *They went on to make two more films for George Cukor, Holiday (1938) and The Philadelphia Story (1940), but their most memorable work together was for Howard Hawks on Bringing Up Baby (1938).
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