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reorientation · 5 months

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okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

#I can't respond to all of this without feeling like I'm going on for too long but rest assured that I enjoyed reading every bit <3 #reor: respect anon #kink interactions #reorientation writing #reor: anon ask #ftm misgendering kink #ftm detransition kink #ftm breeding #ftm girl #reor: anon life story

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 11 months

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can you make one with matt murdock where they're good friends but one night they're drinking and having fun and then the reader kiss him but when they making out he ends up saying someone else name and the reader leaves, later on they talk and reader apologizes for misreading their relationship and continue to be friends but theres tension in it until bradley finally admits that he likes her and he try to make up for all the time lost

~Friends Don't Treat Me Like You Do~

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: none really, embarrassment?? Alcohol consumption, mentions of injuries (nothing major)

Genre: mostly fluff very minor angst

Summary: You've had a crush on your friend for a very long time and when you finally make your move it goes terribly wrong; And that's why friends should sleep in other beds // and friends shouldn't kiss me like you do ... // my friends won't love me like you - Friends by Ed Sheeran

A/N: I know it's a typo of some sort but it's sending me to the moon that the name Bradley is jus thrown into this ask cuz I can't even figure out what it's replacing lmaoooo anyway thank you for requesting! I hope you like it anon! :3 (also I didn't edit this plz be nice)

***

Your friendship with Matt Murdock is in some ways rather unconventional. You've been friends for many years, but these days most of your interactions consist of him stumbling over to your apartment at odd hours covered in bruises you don't ask about- not because you don't want to know but because you're pretty certain you've guessed it and you're not sure what acknowledging it would mean. So you don't ask, instead, you give him food, and tend to his wounds, and talk to him about whatever comes to mind until he inevitably falls asleep on your couch for a few hours and sneaks out early enough to go back to his place for his day job as a defense attorney with his two friends. Both of whom you'd consider friends- although not nearly as close as you are with Matt.

Tonight Matt's invited you over to his place. Apparently, he's been feeling a bit guilty that most of the time you've spent together in recent days has been just him coming over in the middle of the night. As if you'd ever actually be annoyed with taking care of your friend. Your friend you feel for more than he can ever know. Still, he insisted you come over for dinner so you did, he ordered your favorite from a takeout place near his place and now you're eating and drinking wine you brought along with you. Well, you're drinking wine, Matt's been helping himself to the beers filling his fridge.

"Whenever you come over I do all that talking Matty so today you can do the talking this time. Tell me what you've been getting up to lately." You tell him once you've covered asking each other how your day was.

"I don't do anything interesting y/n- I go to work, spend all day reading or writing lengthy opening statements or discussing things with Foggy and our clients until ungodly hours according to Karen. Sometimes they drag me out to Josie's but- there's really nothing I 'get up to' and you know that."

"Why do you do that?" You frown.

"What?"

"Make yourself seem so dull when you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"I've known you for a long time Matt and I can't think of single period of our lives where you had nothing interesting going on and yet you always talk about yourself as if you're the color beige personified. It's like you're worried that if people think you're too interesting they'll," you trail for a moment "find out something."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing in particular. You're just way more interesting than you want people to think. For some reason."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're not exactly an open book either."

"You got something to ask me about Matty?"

"No." He shakes his head. You stare at him for a long moment.

"We should play a game!" You announce.

"I don't really- have games?" Matt says.

"There are tons of games that don't require having anything Matt we just have to pick one."

"Like what?"

"We can play 20 questions- the right way, last letter first letter, I'm not a fan of Ghost but we can do that too, or word replacement- to name a few."

"I'm- not familiar with those besides 20 questions?"

"Well, last letter first letter you pick a category and we name items except the last letter of one item has to be the first letter of the next one so like if we're naming office supplies and I say stapler you'd say something like ruler. And Ghost is a spelling game, kinda like hot potato meets Horse the basketball game- so like you take turns spelling a word and you don't wanna be the one who finishes the word- if you do then you get a letter from the word ghost- first person to finish ghost loses. And then word replacement is just a silly game where you pick a movie or show title and change one of the words to the silliest thing you can think of." You explain quickly.

"Let's do the title one. Requires the least amount of thinking and I don't have to compete with you." He says.

"Then I'll start. Fast and Constipated." You giggle.

"Fast and Constipated!?" Matt's laugh is incredulous.

"Yeah, fast and furious but not so fun."

"Okay um- John Tucker Must... Juggle."

"That's way less fun than him dying." You laugh.

"True."

"What a Chupacabra wants."

"Goats- obviously."

"Shut up." You giggle.

"Now you- resent me 2."

"Oh that's- why would you say that?" You chuckle.

"I dunno I'm too drunk to think of movies." He mutters.

"All I've got are rom-coms in my head and those titles are not nearly as fun to fuck with. Two weeks- paleontologist?"

"Paleontologist!? What movie was that even supposed to be?"

"Two weeks notice. Duh."

"I don't think I know that one." He frowns.

"It's about a woman who ends up working as the PA for some rich businessman when she tries to protest something he's trying to build- I forget the details but he turns out to be a giant useless manchild and when he disrupts her personal life for something frivolous she tries to quit but somehow they fall in love or whatever. It's been a while since I've watched it honestly." You shrug.

"Rom-coms are such a curious collection of movies."

"True but that one is pretty average compared to some others I've seen."

"Do you watch a lot of them?"

"I like to laugh at them mostly." You say. "You know what's a weird one? The Notebook."

"Is that not like- a classic?"

"I mean yeah but like the guy gets the girl to go on a date with him by dangling off of a moving ferris wheel."

"And that works?"

"Somehow! I mean I guess she didn't wanna feel responsible for him dropping himself off the wheel in front of an audience but I dunno it seems like he was just looking for reasons to die in that movie." You explain. "Although I never finished that movie maybe he does die. Except then it wouldn't be a rom-com I guess. It would be more tragedy, like in the Shakespearean sense."

"You are always somewhere else." Matt laughs.

"Not always! Oh! I brought that CD you wanted to borrow. We should play it." You sit up suddenly and grab your backpack.

"Are you sure all you've had is that bottle of wine?" Matt asks sitting up slowly from where he's laying on the floor.

"Where's your player?" You ignore his question.

"Should be in the bookcase." He waves absentmindedly.

"Do you want another beer while I'm up?" You ask walking over to the radio to pop the CD.

"Nah. I'm good thanks." He says. Music fills the apartment, and you can't help but sing along to the upbeat tune from Matt's CD player. You dance, well mostly spin, around the apartment giggling as you go.

"Are you dancing?" Matt turns towards you with a smile on his face although you're not looking at him.

"Of course I am- I love this song. Do you wanna dance with me?" You ask walking towards him, still dancing but less now so you can get where you're going.

"No no- I'll leave the dancing to you." Matt says before you make it all the way over to where he's sitting on the floor.

"Suit yourself." You shrug but when you attempt to change directions you trip on your backpack still on the floor and go tumbling towards the ground. Matt moves quicker than you'd expect for a blind guy off several beers but his arms shoot out and yank you towards him before your head hits the hardwood.

"Careful y/n." He says softly as he settles you into his lap.

"Do I need to be if you're here?" You joke smiling at him as you toss your arms over his shoulders.

"Y/n-" Matt's tone is warning in a way only he could get away with using on you.

"Relax Matty, I know to look after myself." You say quietly. Matt frowns slightly as if he's going to protest, but you don't let him get the words out. Alcohol coursing through your system, you seize the opportunity of his closeness and kiss him before you can talk yourself out of it. Matt lets out a noise of surprise, he heard your heart rate spike sure but he couldn't have guessed this was why. His lips move against yours for a second before something catches his attention and he's gasping out a name. Except, it's not your name.

"Karen." He breathes and it reaches your ears like a bucket of ice water dumped on your head. You jerk back suddenly.

"Oh my god-" You say scrambling out of his lap. "I- I am so sorry. I'm gonna go." You grab your bag and b-line it for the exit before Matt can even get to his feet.

"H-hang on a second y/n I-"

"I'll- I'll see you around Matt." You force yourself to say before leaving his apartment. You feel sharper than the amount of wine you've had should allow as you walk the few blocks to your place. Only once you're back in the safety of your own home do you let yourself wallow over how absolutely embarrassing that was. You might have just ruined one of the most important relationships in your life only for him to call out for another girl. You stumble into the shower in hopes of washing away some of the embarrassment you feel, or at the very least distracting yourself enough that you can shelf it and get some sleep. You spend hours tossing and replaying the moment excruciatingly but eventually, exhausting wins out and you do fall asleep. The next couple of days you pretty much ignore Matt's calls and texts. You really bury yourself in work to avoid dwelling on that awful night but you know you can't dodge him forever. Evidently, two days is as much as Matt's willing to give you to do so because on day 3 of avoidance he comes knocking at your door late at night as he sometimes does.

"Look- I know you've been avoiding me and all but-"

"Whatever you're gonna say Matt no need. I'm sorry I overstepped, I- I totally misread things the other night but hey- alcohol will do that sometimes. I'm sorry. We're good though. I'm good. I just needed a minute to lick my wounds of embarrassment. Everything's fine. Come on let's see the damage tonight hm?" You lead him into your apartment ignoring the confused look on his face. You let yourself settle back into your routine with him, patching him up, giving him food, getting him up to speed on the last couple of days of your life, telling stories, and just talking until he falls asleep on your couch. You're determined to shake this stupid crush of yours off and go back to the way things have always been between you. And if you're gonna shake this crush step one is putting yourself out there. Which you do, and for the next few weeks you find yourself on dates almost every night. Tonight's date is going surprisingly well all things considered. He'd planned to take you somewhere that ended up being closed after a freak accident the other day that he didn't know about. It was around the corner from Josie's so you brought him here instead and the conversation has been well worth it- even in a place like this. The one downside is that it's Friday and Foggy and Karen usually drag Matt here for drinks on Friday. You had hoped they'd skip out on that tonight but you of course could only be so lucky. When the bell over the door rings and you turn to see Karen leading Matt into the bar with Foggy behind them you almost want to groan. Dating has been nice but seeing Karen and Matt so close is like picking a scab. You turn back to your date with a smile, intent on ignoring the trio, except of course it couldn't be that simple.

"Oh my gosh! Y/n! Hey!" Karen beams at you.

"Karen! Hi! Foggy, Matt, good to see you all." You smile.

"You didn't tell us you'd be here tonight." She says.

"Well I didn't plan on it otherwise of course I'd have let you know." You tell her. "James this is Karen and that's Foggy and Matt. They're friends of mine. They all work together we've- kind of crashed their spot tonight." You tell your date.

"Oh! Well, any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Nice to meet y'all." James shakes each of their hands. "Did you guys- wanna join us? Since it's pretty crowded in here you might not find another table."

"That's so nice of you James!" Karen says. Very nice indeed.

"I'll track down some chairs." Foggy says. You shift your seat closer to James to make room at the table since apparently they'll be joining you. You try not to pay too much attention to Matt's silence as everyone settles around the table.

"So y/n, you told James how we know you but you didn't mention how you know James. Are you guys work colleagues or something?"

"We have a mutual friend that set us up." James offers.

"Oh my gosh! We're crashing a date?! Why didn't you say so?" Karen shakes her head.

"No no no don't even worry about it, we've been here a couple of hours already. I invited you to sit with us so the night could go on." He says.

"Asking me, also would have worked." You smile.

"You guys are just the cutest." Karen sighs.

"I'm guessing this is a first date since- y/n's never mentioned you before." Matt says.

"It is. Not that I have to tell you about every guy I see." You say.

"You tell me everything." He scoffs.

"That's not true and even if it were that doesn't change the fact that I don't have to."

"So you keep things from me?"

"Am I missing something?" James chuckles.

"Matt and y/n have been friends since they were teenagers. They fight like they're siblings sometimes." Foggy explains.

"Sorry about that James. Matt's just-"

"Like a brother- I get it. I have siblings so I definitely know what it's like." He nods.

"Exactly." You smile.

"Like a brother." Matt quirks an eyebrow at you.

"As good a way as any to describe us." You nod. Matt hums and raises his glass to his lips without another word. The five of you sit and talk over drinks for another hour before you're ready to leave and James is happy to walk you out.

"I had a lot of fun tonight." He tells you.

"Even with the date crashers?" You ask with a goofy grimace.

"Heck yeah! Your friends are great." He laughs. "Next time I'll have my friends crash us. How about that?"

"Next time?"

"If you're willing. I'd really like to see you again."

"I- I'd like that." You nod.

"Cool. I'll- start coming up with second date ideas."

"Hopefully this time the place you pick doesn't impromptu have an incident." You laugh.

"I will quadruple check." He tells you. When you reach your block, but not your building, you stop and turn to him.

"Sounds good. I'll see you around James." You smile. He leans forward and kisses your cheek softly.

"Goodnight y/n." He says and walks away. You make it up to your apartment, kick off your shoes, and take a long shower. You enjoyed talking to James and you actually are interested in seeing him again for sure. Soon you're showered and pajamaed and pretty much ready for bed but before you can flop into it there's a knock at your door. Who could be knocking on your door right now? A quick check shows you it's Matt standing in your hallway.

"Matthew?" You open the door with a frown.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Well- right now I'm wondering what you're doing in my apartment."

"Like a brother to you?! Seriously? Last time I checked most people don't make out with their brothers."

"Depends on where you are I suppose." You shrug. "But regardless Matt that was a mistake we both know that." You shake your head.

"A mistake? Is that how you feel about it?"

"How I- I'm sorry did you forget calling out Karen's name while I was kissing you?! Cuz I've been trying to so if you've got tips to share on how that'd be great."

"Goddammit y/n." He sighs dropping his head.

"Matt you really should go. I know you worry or whatever but- James is, nice and it's late I'd like to go to bed."

"Screw James." Matt scoffs.

"Um- it was only our first date- you're skipping a few steps."

"That is not what I- it's like you do this on purpose."

"What are you doing here Matt?" You sigh.

"I don't like you dating him. I don't like you dating anyone for that matter. How could you kiss me like that and just... move on like nothing?"

"I dunno it's pretty easy when you call me the wrong name." You say.

"That was not what you think."

"I'm sure."

"It wasn't y/n. I'm serious. I could-" Matt stops and lets out a breath. "I'm Daredevil." He says.

"I know." You nod.

"What? You know?"

"You come in here at the witching hour every few days covered in bruises Matt how many explanations could there possibly be for that?" You roll your eyes.

"You never asked."

"I figured you'd tell me when you were ready." You shrug. "Why tell me now?"

"Since I can't see- my other senses make up for the loss. They're like- very developed. I heard Karen scream somewhere in Hell's Kitchen, she sounded like she was in trouble that's- that's why I called out her name. I thought maybe one of Daredevil's many enemies managed to connect her to me. It wouldn't be the first time, I'm always listening for her and Foggy these days and I just-"

"Well was she in danger?" You ask.

"Nightmare." He mutters. "But by the time I pieced that together you were gone."

"Of course I was. Having a man say someone else's name when you kiss him is not something that encourages-" Matt cuts off your snarky remark by cupping your face in his hands and kissing you. You react quickly, kissing him back, your hands wrapping around his wrists. By the time you pull away from him, you're breathing heavily.

"I'm in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm sorry I wasn't clear about it." He says.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Well in my defense I've spent the last few weeks trying to get over you-" Matt kisses you again, hard, possessive, fiery.

"Don't." He says.

"Obviously." You grab the collar of his shirt and kiss him again. You spent years thinking you'd never get to kiss him, now that you know the truth you fully intend to take advantage and Matt has years of pining he wants to make up for.

***

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil fluff #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #requests

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robyn-goodfellowe · 2 months

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Hi uhh idk how to say it but any tips on writing in general? I really wanna write my story I have stored in my doc but I don’t know where to start.

hello!! i am very honored that you came to ME to ask because i love to talk about writing, so thank you :) with that being said this might get a little long so ill put everything under a readmore, but all of my advice can be summarized like this

tl;dr: just start!!!

i KNOW. in my soul. that there's genuinely nothing more every aspiring writer hates to hear than "just start" lol but it really does come down to that. just start. whatever you put on the page doesnt have to be PERFECT, it just has to be there. my first drafts for anything are never solid. my initial drafts are NEVER the quality of the final

and its through careful, consistent rewriting that it becomes something more palatable and fun/easy to read. what ive noticed a lot of new writers do (and i used to be very prone to this as well) is that they go into their drafts expecting to drop their final product there, and aim for perfection. i cannot stress enough that perfection is THE ENEMY in literature. you can rewrite things thousands of times for it to turn out imperfect in the end, and thats OKAY. you'll end up with a draft you like eventually, but don't expect yourself to find it right away. it takes me a lot of consistent writing sessions to have a paragraph that im satisfied with. itll come to you naturally

but the best advice i can offer is really just ... START. open google docs and just write down your thought process, whatever that looks like for you. maybe its the summarisation of a few scenes you like, maybe its a chunk of an out of context paragraph. whatevers in your head, put it on paper and see where you can go from there. thats really the only way you can start

outside of that some of my big things are being consistent and READING. i write for at minimum half an hour every day (not always fic lol! i am a creative writing major, am working on my manuscript and also trying to get published in some small-scale literary magazines and sites. so im always working on something, basically) and its probably the only thing in my life i am super consistent about. maintaining a habit and making yourself write even when you dont "feel like it" or cant find motivation is the best way to keep writing long term. and reading, well, how i like to put it to my friends is that creativity is like a well. you cant keep drawing from it without filling it up eventually. you need good writing and good words to inspire you so you can keep drawing from your creative well. when im not writing im reading and you should be too. you really cant have one habit without the other

are really immersing myself in the world that i've created for my silly little guys. i am, at all times of the day, immersed into my stories one way or another. im almost constantly curating pinterest boards, or making playlists, or sharing it with my friends (the last one is highly important. the best way to stay encouraged is to have someone to share with) and so theres not really a day when im not thinking about what i want to write to some extent

but yeah basically thats all of the advice i can offer. write, write, write and don't be afraid for it to be not perfect. nobody is perfect, you are human. so just have fun with it

hope this can help ssomewhat! :)

#answered #writing #tql spoilers #<- used a scene from it as an example!#im not a professional though (YET) so please take all of my advice with a grain of salt #use what works and ignore the rest #also that doodle is very old but i think its still fitting

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tiktaalic · 11 months

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Can u please analyse the lingering homosexuality in that gif set I want to hear more

heres the thing. i am a staunch disbeliever in #let men and women be friends. if you, tv show writer, say this is hannah and mark they are BEST friends and 100% platonic they have never experienced sexual or romantic tension between the two of them im stealing something out your house!! because you're a liar. because i can see with my eyes that they love each other that the cord between them is pulled tight and they are one ill advised night away from going "hope this doesnt awaken anything in me" far too late. this is not. the case with jensen ackles. jensen ackles has been limping his way through chemistry reads with women for 25 chaste chaste years. which. i cant stress enough that i chronically champion the cause for certain m/f that no one else champions because i am seeing chemistry while everyone else is like you're insane they're just friends . so if i. me. guy who is consistently seeing not only the purposeful on purpose romantic chemistry between men and women but also made up chemistry that no one else sees. im tuned into not just the visible spectrum of m/f chemistry but the uv waves of m/f chemistry as well. and jensen ackles. aughts women in miniskirts are always THROWING themselves at him. and he's always having a nonreaction. i yhink what it is is that he always plays it So so seriously that it comes off as wooden. but when his costars are like. Bubbly and Acting against his Wooden. its very lea michele and her gay boyfriend. bubbly v wooden is about that last gifset in particular but my bloody valentine another one where its like I Don't Believe This Man Has Ever Kissed A Woman. and theres not a bubbly costar hes just so aw shucksy against a woman who is giving her ALL to unhappily married with surfacing feelings for her high school boyfriend who has just reappeared. but back 2 devour the gifset has several momentz that ARE intimate! shes on his lap with her skirt flipped up! but theres no lecherous wow hot lady. theres no goofy wow hot girl who's into me. there's no. nothing. shes laying in his lap arm around his neck and hes not even looking at her just doing an over the top put upon grimace. she kisses him and he pulls back. but she hugs him and he spins her .because. hes gay. i say this all the time. but. look at him

#ask #anonymous

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packing-n-punching · 10 months

Text

Get Clover It - Chapter 1 (VEX'LETH)

CW: Death of shitty father figures, Not an X Reader, Meet-Cute, Trans Vex (implied), Not Beta'd, Cute Fluff, Florist AU

Word Count : 2K

what is this?! me posting something that isnt a reader insert?!

MINORS AND CUNTS DNI 💚💚💚

Syldor was dead. And that was for the better. At least that's what Vex told herself as she folds the freshly ironed black blouse and leather trousers into the small suitcase next to the sleek black heels with the wine soles. With the zips pulled tight, the bag is left on the ground and she felt ready for the journey. With the key in her apartment door, it dawned on Vex how she would have to mourn or pretend to mourn her father in front of not only his new family but quite possibly the entirety of the town she lived in (but was never from). Turning back inside for the last time before leaving she walked back in and straight to the bedroom.

Looking into the wardrobe at the several jackets and overcoats she’d amassed over the years since leaving her own home and then her father’s house, her hand reached for the mid-length navy overcoat with the large silver buttons almost instinctively and as she pulled it from the hanger and threw the heavy suede over finely muscled shoulders, she felt safer, silly as it was. Trying to rationalise her new addition to the outfit Vex reminded herself of how funeral attire was always quite dull, too dull even, black on black with possibly even more black on top? Definitely more her brother’s style, the sprinkling of the dark blue would let her make it her own.

Out the door once more, and for good this time. Vex locked the door and sent a quick text to Taryon to thank him once more for taking Trinket on such short notice as her taxi pulled up to take her to the airport.

Stepping out of the humid air through rotating doors and into the tiled floors and airconditioning of Lyrengorn airport, the small departures wing was empty bar the few staff for various airlines making idle chit-chat amongst themselves behind the check-in desks. After lifting her bag to be weighed at one of the desks Vex began to tune out the short woman behind the counter as she babbled on to herself until she asked, “Can I see your passport?” The blue haired woman looked goofy as she held the passport up to compare the printed face to Vex’s in front of her, “And do you have anything sharp or dangerous in your luggage?” She continued as her head tilted to one side.

“No, nothing of the sort.”

“Okie dokie! Well, that means you're all set and you'll see your bags over in Syngorn! Enjoy your flight!” the bubbly tone not failing once, Vex begins to suspect that the woman is just that enthusiastic and it doesn’t do anything to help her already sour enough mood.

Vex continued through security, without a hitch but not without wounding at least four members of staff with glares to kill as she was subjected to secondary and tertiary checks, reaching the lounge with its deceptively comfortable seats and free Wi-Fi was as good as any reward, even if the bar wasn’t open yet and the overpriced coffee was watered down mud. Thankful to not have any human interaction for at least half an hour, Vex slid down into one of the empty benches next to the lone gate pulling out her phone, rereading the list Vax had sent of preparations that needed to be done between them. It wasn’t a short list.

Boarding the plane, having put her carry-on in the bin above her head, Vex’s phone buzzed in her hand.

‘stubby!! orget what i said before. need you to lift flowers from the florist on bakar street nezt to the blown out temple?? think thats all ill text you if theres anything else’

She sighed at the complete lack of consistent English on her brother’s part but took a mental note of his request and settled in for her early morning flight.

The cold vastness of the mountains and tundra pelted the passenger plane with thick white chunks of snow and tumbling wind. Large lone trees jutt out of the sheets of white, a train pushing along a track shoves its way through the hardened slush that's formed on the metal of the tracks from a previous journey, Vex watches as the little metal worm grows littler and littler before it’s completely engulfed by frost and snow. Everything becomes smaller until the plane is above the clouds where it continues to fly as the sun paints the tops of the cloud shelf with rosy pinks and soft twilight purples. Landing comes sooner than expected as Syngorn grows in the distance, the fielded and forested surroundings giving way to large roads and homes, and as the plane lands Vex wakes up. She discovers that she had slept the whole flight.

Stepping into the terminal and collecting her bags, Vex’s phone buzzes in her pocket as a message came through from Vax, ‘sorry freddie isnt there to pick u up had to send him to pick some stuff up theres a bus into town and ill pick u up on my way home’. Sending back a quick ‘No problem, see you soon,’ with huff and a puff, Vex gathers herself and makes her way out the front of Syngorn’s arrivals gate, suitcase wheels clattering behind her and a bus pulling out of the station just as she gets there, Vex subjects herself to more people watching. One couple, a blonde woman with a designer handbag being followed by a short woman with dark blonde hair built like an ox carting a suitcase in one hand and a duffel over the opposite shoulder, Vex watches as they head into departures. A lone woman, with short dark hair and deep olive skin, leaves the doors of arrivals and heads towards a tall woman and small child, she catches the child as he runs and jumps all the while the tall one smiles, laughing lightly. Vex watches, taking it all in while absorbing nothing. The next bus arrives.

Passing through the suburbs and past the lovely little houses with their white picket fences and tree swings, memories flood back to Vex from the unpleasant to joyous (few and far between as they were), and Vex’ahlia loses herself in her memories as the wheels trundle on further into town. The little homes give way to terraced homes and blocks of apartments, shops, and boutiques, and eventually, the main square of Syngorn, and the clunky chunk of metal pulls up to a bus stop in the middle of town. Vex hops off. Suitcase clacking behind her on the old cobblestone that makes up the footpaths Vex looks at the address Vax had pinned for her in their texts. ‘Get Clover It - Florists and Bake Shop (14 Main Square, Emerald Citadel, Syngorn)’ Awful puns for names, she was really looking forward to this now. Sarcasm drips off the little voice in her head as she reads the message, but she picks up the pace as she heads further into the cobbled square. Vex passes a cobbler, that’s new. A bakery, that was there before. A coffee shop, that's new. A tailor’s, that’s new too. It may have changed a bit but she was still in Syngorn and even acknowledging that she is here, is enough to send shivers down her spine.

Her heeled boots halt their clacking outside a quaint little shop, soft pinks and light minty greens decorate the exterior of the building. The large front windows illuminate the inside as Vex steps into the interior pushing the glass door as the tinkling of a bell came from above her head. A perfume of many different flowers assaults Vex’s nose from one side of the shop, while the other side of the shop attacks with the aroma of fresh bread and buns. If the smell didn’t knock her off her feet, the six-foot-tall vase being hauled around the shop certainly did. Both Vex and the tall redhead who was carrying the vase tumble to the ground, the circular forest green rug breaks the fall slightly as Vex’s suitcase goes wheeling off on its own as does the large vase.

Rushing to her feet, the red-haired woman is muttering to herself and Vex is left struggling to hear what the other woman says as she is pulled to her feet.

“Oh, gods. I’m sorry, uh- are you hurt- Wait! Pike!”

Shouting from the back Vex hears, “YEAH? WHAT’S UP?”

“Help!”

“What’s wrong?” A short woman with stark white hair, ‘Pike’ Vex assumes, pops her head out from behind the door into the back, “Okay, okay, okay… Gimme a second!” And she disappears again.

The apologies then flow like a river rapid once more from the tall woman’s mouth as Vex gets her first good look at the woman. She’s tall, not freakishly but her thin lithe frame does nothing but help to exaggerate her height, her face is sharp but pleasant with high cheekbones, a long nose, and a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Long, bright ginger hair falls down her back and is kept from her face with a cloth hair band with sunflowers on it. She’s gorgeous. Not hot or sexy, like all of the one-night stands and sneaky links Vex has had over the years but in a natural unassumingly, and delicately pretty way. Pike reappears bringing Vex's train of thought to a screeching halt as the bobbing of a head and a dustpan and broom dance around her. As the short woman sweeps the flour that comes off the robin egg blue apron is left floating in the air, tiny speckles that Vex tries to avoid as best as she can.

“Anyways, I am so so sorry. What can I help you with? I’m Keyleth by the way.”

“Vex’ahlia… Vessar? I’m here to pick up some arrangements for a funeral?”

Keyleth’s face instantly dropped. She begins checking through the book behind the counter, flicking through the thick log.

“I’m so sorry, was he something to you?”

“My Father.”

“I’m sorry for your loss-” She is cut off.

“It’s no loss, of that I can assure you, darling.”

“Oh! Well… There are a few lilies we’re still waiting to get in for the main grave arrangement, but I can get them delivered to you tomorrow or you could pick them up, I’ll be here from about six. And you can take the smaller arrangements today? The wreaths are all ready and I have them in a box up the back.”

“Wonderful.” Vex shouted to her as she headed into the back, trying to figure out what would be the best course of action for the following day, never even minding the chaos it could throw the plans for the funeral as a whole into. “Well, darling, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” With the flick of a braid and a twirl of a leather jacket she exited.

“Bright and early!” The flash of red from behind the curtain separating the front and back of the store called out before realising the pretty woman had left with the lazy tinkling of the bell over the door.

Keyleth turned back towards the short woman sat criss-crossed on the top of the counter tying a variety of ribbons in pastel colours to a dozen boxes with cute miniature sourdough loaves and pastries, about halfway through the first bundle.

“So,” Pike smiled a half smirk as she elongated the ‘o’ sound, teasing the blush even further up the long neck of her friend, “the tall drink of water got you flustered or something?"

“Yeah… something like that. Who’s on delivery duty tomorrow?”

This was something a little different AKA “WHAT?! ITS NOT A READER INSERT?!”, reblog to help a bitch out?

Requests are Opennn.

#critical role #cr #vexleth #wlw fluff #wlw #florist au #flower shop au #not x reader #vexhalia #keyleth #2k words #vox machina #lovm #legend of vox machina

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forestryfae · 8 months

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but yeah i hate how other people have friends and make friends so easily. and then i try my absolute best to be friendly and nice and like other people and i just wind up w noone really giving a shit or noticing and i dont really make friends and im just annoying or it goes wrong and i just dont know how but it goes wrong somehow. like i can physically feel how little people wanna talk to me.

or i go wayyy too fast and i consider people ive known for like a day p much my bffs despite the fact that we barely fucking know eachother. just because i vibe w them and get excited.

or i just dont try so hard and im just there and if people talk to me we talk and if not i dont try and people just. dont bother. they dont fucking like me enough to try, theyd rather talk to other people, and theyre sure as hell not gonna make an effort or meet me halfway unless im trying my best.

like. i make a fucking effort when i can. i try. and i either wind up being told to shut up, or im annoying people and it shows so well im not actually welcome and i dont even know what im doing wrong, or i just dont have anything to add cus its just not something i know anything about or something i have experience with. its like theres a group of people who are friends and im just there. and sometimes im lucky and theres something i like that they also like but not often and usually theres not a lot of convos about it.

and its not like i have a lot to add either. i dont know shit. i know a lot of stuff about a lot of things but its not easy to articulate myself so i sound so stupid when i talk, or its assumed i dont know shit, and its never shit thats relevant and if it is noone gives a shit.

i cant have opinions, i cant try to make jokes the same way people around me do, i cant try to talk to people or join conversations, i cant talk about stuff i know or am interested in, i cant try to make some kind of conversation, i cant figure out how to make friends, i cant tell whether im welcome or tolerated, and it jyst pisses me off and annoys me to see other people be friendly and have fun cus like. i fuvking want that too but it never fucking works and no matter if i actually make an effort or not its not good enough. people i consider friends arent friends, we just know eachother, im not actually supposed to try to hang out or talk to people unless they initiate, and i have nothing valuable to add to any conversations ever. social rules and shit ive actually figured out also only apply to people who arent me, im not granted the same courtesy and its not uncommon that that courtesy is ripped away from me for no fucking reason. any opinion or correction i recieve is somehow supposed to be fully accepted by me and i need to adhere to it but i can NOT do the same thing and i certaibly cant tell people off for being cunts cus that makes me a selfish selfcentered bitch and the world doesnt revolve around me

like. why is everyone else friends with eachother and why is it so easy for them, im trying so hard and its somehow both not enough and too much. why do i have to try harder. why do i have to make the first steps and reach out but noone else is willing to do that. why cant people be consistent and clear in what they want me to be like and what they want from me. why cant i be good enough to fucking talk to. why dont i know how shit works while everyone else just gets it. like im fucking trying so hard to join in but people also dont make an effort to include me if it isnt easy.

like. how am i supposed to know how to talk to people when absolutely noone is willing to show me or teach me or do the first step so i can actually make an effort to be normal enough to be likeable. this isnt shit everyone just know. i didnt learn this shit in school or at home. mom and dad didnt fucking talk to me, we just lived there until they could be bothered, reaching out was generally met with being either babied or dismissed or being completely ignored or scolded for the crime of trying to fucking have parents. school doesnt give a shit, kids dont get it and if they have nice or decent parents they dont want anything from you. in fact theyd rather you just go away and never come back. therapists dont help cus they think your social anxiety thats caused by shitty parents and being bullied can be solved by 'listening in on conversations so you can hear that noones talking about you' as the issue is just imagining that noone likes me. and theres nothing i can do about it either.

#talkies

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dapper-nahrwhale · 9 months

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if youre planning to watch riverdale because you like the comics i suggest not because they are very very different.

Thanks for the suggestion but. Well, it is a little too late. You see I have actually seen some of it before. I watched a few seasons of it a few years after it initially came out, then immediately forgot everything about it, like this was way back in 2019 or 2020, long before I even got into the archie comics and other various shows and started this whole thing of watching and reading every single archie comics and adaptation I can possibly find.

(Oh boy this is going to be a long one huh.)

And one consistent thing I've found in my journey is that archie comics, adaptations, and spinoffs, is that it's a mixed bag of quality. And theres always so much going on in them all the time. You've got some good ones, some bad ones, some in between, and the really strange ones.

And boy howdy has there been some strange ones. The 19 issue 70s spire christian archie comics. There was a 2 part collaboration with Barack Obama and Sara Palin in 2010 for some reason. A sharknado crossover in 2015. A live action Archie's tv pilot in 1964 that never really went anywhere for good reason. Many more low budget early 90s live action films. The controversial end to the life with archie 2010 series, wherein we follow parallel universes where archie marries veronica and archie marries betty, and both have the exact same ending: archie gets shot and dies.

Its wild. WILD.

And riverdale as a show fits into that sort of nonsense... surprisingly well tbh. Yes, there things I dislike about the show diverging from the comics and it taking itself way to seriously, but I cannot deny the fact that riverdale does fit with just how bonkers the rest of the archie comics and shows get, no matter how much it differs from those comics and shows.

TDLR (I go into more depth as of why under the cut) riverdale is a fascinating archie adaptation and I need to watch it soon. adaptations that are different than the source material can still hold value. There has never been an entirely accurate archie adaptation because even the comics themselves are inconsistent with each other. But the one thing every single archie comics, show, movie, adaptation has in common is that they're always always just kind of dumb and ridiculous. Can't be an archie adaptation without that. And I'm on a quest to watch and read every adaptation so I kind of am going to watch riverdale regardless.

And I'm not entirely sure of my opinion on the comics is anything more than neutral at best really.

I havent read enough of the old ones to form an opinion on them yet. I cant say I really like all the comics, some sure but. Like the real early stuff, from the 40s and 50s, can be sort of hard to read. As always, the early Archie's do not stand up to the test of time it seems. And some really weird choices made in the 70s. The sabrina the teenage witch and the josie and the pussycats spinoff comics are pretty interesting tho.

I'd say the very cream of the crop (for me so far) is the post 2015 complete rehaul of the series as a whole, in a fresh light. Definitely worth reading the road to riverdale volumes, the archie volumes, and the jughead volumes (I'm biased what can I say), even though they have absolutely nothing to do with the show riverdale itself, or even the storylines in the earlier archie comics. Their it's own thing entirely.

And truthfully, I don't actually mind how different of an adaptation something is. I think a darker, more drama focused tone is a fine thing for an adaptation. In theory. Like afterlife with archie comics started in 2013 where zombies take over the town. Because in practice with the riverdale show, oh boy. The issues I have are real. Like, ok its objectively a kind of ridiculous show that I just can't take seriously. It sure is entertaining to watch it crash and burn though. But. Thing is, I just straight up don't even remember anything that happened in it, went in one ear out the other. So it's going to be a surprise for me either way once I get around to it.

Anyways, an adaptation being inaccurate from the source material but still good (howls moving castle, who framed roger rabbit) and being badly written but still enjoyment can be found in it (the black cauldron), and being a somewhat accurate adaptation but still unbearable (the live action avatar the last airbender and percy jackson movies) are all separate things. And riverdale falls into it's own separate category all together, where it is not an accurate adaptation by any means, where the enjoyment of it is entirely dependent on the individual, where it does genuinely bring up some interesting things and compelling plot points, but at the cost of character assasination, plot inconsistencies, and alot of really really awkward dialogue. And thing is, that's just how most shows are anyways. I don't think any archie show is fully good or fully bad, they're all a mixed bag.

Where as in the past there have been adaptations of archie that dont follow the plots or characterizations of the comics as much, but still keep more of the tone of the comics, Archie's weird mysteries 1999, and there have been some that follow the comics somewhat, but change up the tone to be something else entirely, the new Archie's show 1987, and it really just depends on the writers.

I genuinely dont know if theres ever been an entirely accurate archie adaptation, even with how all the comics and shows do have some sort of consistency, whether it be character traits, the places and people in town, plotlines. But theres also the fact that they had so many people making and writing archie comics and various spinoffs all at once, that there is going to be discrepancy between even the comics themselves. Theres no real one accurate archie. Theres how it started out, and how it has changed, evolved, and morphed over time and decades, into an amalgamation of 80 some years worth of recognizable characters and places and plotlines. And riverdale is just one of many bizarre choices in the long and strange history that is archie.

And it's like the last part of my journey, you know. I don't think I can stop even if I wanted to, I'm in too deep now. I gotta know it all. Everything. The good, the bad, the questionable.

(Quick sidebar but also. Theres this live action movie called the archies coming out on Netflix soon, and it looks really interesting, set in 1960s india. I don't know till I see it if it's good, but that alone sounds like an adaptation worth watching, even if it isnt so accurate to the source material, it certainly has the tone of the 1960s shows and comics down it seems.)

Oops! Didnt mean to make this response this long, riverdale is a fascinating mixed bag of just everything to me. I have a lot of thoughts about archie adaptations as always.

Anyways thank you for the ask anon! I'll take any excuse to talk about archie adaptations.

#b.text #archiethon #is anyone going to even read this entire thing? probably now. oh well i enjoyed writing it.#yeah... at first it was not very long but. i have so many thoughts abt this oki #b.asks #fiiiiiiiiiiiine ill main tag it whatever #riverdale #archie comics #this is 1k of nonsense. but <3

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vaugarde · 1 year

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top 5 pokeani series! (if you're only counting from your rewatch then you can split kanto and johto if you want :3)

WAHOO ye im just gonna count from my rewatch for now hehe. also gonna make it clear that on a basic level i do like and appreciate all of these :3

5. hoenn! no particular reason its in last for me tbh, i dont dislike anything about it. in fact i love battle frontier a lot and if it were just that this would be higher! but ag itself just… isnt all that to me. i dont really feel much with its episodes and there isnt any non battle frontier ep im dying to revisit (besides maybe the dusclops one, that ones really good). again, nothing wrong with it, its just that in retrospect im just like. yep. that happened. (this could also just bc bc idc much for hoenn as a region idk)

4. johto: johto is just Good Vibes tbh, it doesnt have much going on but its got some fantastic standalone episodes and just some of the best content in the entire anime. only thing that brings it down are the “new region” growing pains, you can tell exactly why they had ash change companions and teams in the later seasons. the pokemon teams in this one are just so awkward. ill always be bitter abt heracross. also that one season where nothing substantial happens stings a lot, i dont wanna call it filler bc thats most of johto, but nothing really Out There happened. it felt too safe, and the episodes that did take risks just felt weird and wrong (like the “pokemon dont think or understand words” episode) idk its good outside of that tho. also the cell animation was gorgeous in this season oh my goodness. all the pokemon look so vibrant and cute.

3/2: is it weird to say that kanto and unova are tied? it probably is but i honestly cant say which one i like more. i prefer the companions in unova a lot and think they had really good and charming moments and arcs, while the more crass humor in kanto (aside from some physical slapstick) is funnier than unova’s attempt at mean spirited humor. kanto was also just batshit really early on and thats super fun to rewatch, and newer seasons feel kinda safe compared to that. ash is also just better in kanto tbh, hes just starting out and unova tried to emulate that while forgetting that ges a veteran at that point. but then all the battles and fun stuff in unova is wayyy better than kanto’s. which is understandable bc they had more resources and budget at that point, but still overall they have more weight. also the unova mons have more consistent personalities. idk these two balance each other out, i love em both genuinely but idk which is better

1. sinnoh. yeah that last season sucks ass but outside of that? overall its great! straight up one of the best casts both of humans and pokemon in the entire show, some of the best emotional moments and arcs, genuinely threatening antagonists and a flawed, but interesting rival arc? its all REALLY good and it holds up super well. also straight up has the best league arc dont @ me. idk if itll be my favorite of the entire show anymore, alola has my eye on that regard and yeah i cannot emphasize enough how awful that last season is to sit through in comparison to the first 3 seasons (im convinced theres no battle frontier arc bc they had to nerf the show) but overall its really special to me and im still really nostalgic for it :3 also it spawned best character in all of fiction so yknow

#mail #moonscape

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tyranitarkisser · 2 years

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How can someone go about trying to be less needy and obsessive and prone to bouts of depression when they arent getting constant reassurance. I started taking antidepressants and while its been a very clear improvement from how Iwas doing before its only made depression so much more obvious. Nothing phases me and I never feel like Im any real danger a car could come screeching to a stop an inch away from me and I would feel nothing. Im here and It makes me feel good to be there for the people I care about and help others in a physical tangible way but I dont think theres anything I can do to make myself feel worthwhile beyond that. I Just wish I could feel like Im on the same page as everyone else but so many people just want to talk about things I dont care about and I feel bad that I cant engage with people enough to consistently make new friends but nothing about politics or pop culture or current events appeal to me its all such a vague nothingness I have no control over its like unfathomable to me. How does anyone want to talk about that it has nothing to do with us. When I watch other people interacting its literally like theyre speaking another language. Like I feel like I can make myself well liked in that I know how to act around people and make them feel good but I cant do that neurotypical playful rudeness everyone does I just dont understand little banter between coworkers my mind literally draws a blank anytime someone tries to talk like that to me. Ill always be the weird person that doesnt know how to talk much to others but is dying inside for a morsel of affection and attention. I have SO much love bottled in my soul that I want to give and it eats me up from inside its physically painful that I have no clue how to use it and no one to share it with and its so hard to tell myself Im not annoying everybody around me with my presence no matter how much they say its okay it never feels okay. Does that make sense?

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cometmystic · 1 year

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FAVORITE AND LEAST FAVORITE STARTERS

IM GOING TO ASSUME MAIN SERIES ENTIRE EVOLUTIONARY STARTER LINES AS OPPOSED TO INDIVIDUAL SPECIES

-3 : Hisui Oshawott

(dont look at the typing in the image)im giving myself a handicap for the least favourite list which is making it wayyyyyy harder (more on that later) so were starting weird spicy,,

the arceus folk were always going to struggle because mixing and matching starters is a dangerous game to play,, theres the very distinct feeling that these creatures dont go together, because they Dont; they have different philosophies informing their designs and you cant avoid that. taken away from their original context, decidueye and oshawott are a little too similar geometry wise in a way starter choices within a gen oft never are.

but hey, ones a samurai, ones an archer, and the other can do the ghostie flames; they fit a little too well thematically for the region not to be picked. what can you do ? ...aside from shrine maiden fennekin line. or a momotarou bulbasaur line. ...thats not what im talking about

what knocks oshawott specifically here is the new final evos. cyndaquil and rowlett march steadily enough towards their final forms; rowletts colours already darken in its middle stage, so the autumn colouring is not a huge shift, and cyndaquil is still becoming upright with flames that envelop it more and more (which hisuian does actually better than vanilla here). oshawotts line is now even less cohesive. it doesnt address a problem with the original that its armour plating is just kind of,, there, haphazardly placed and making it look More naked, but now the drastic colour palette, with less contrast for ease of readability than the original, just make the oshawott line feel that much more unrelated to itself.

i think what kills thiese guys the most is that they stopped at a new final evo. a new second form or, hell, make them variants from the start and call them something else; then i think itd be way more fun

+3 : Snivy

complete transparency here; this one is mostly personal bias. see the most fun time ive ever had with pokémon, which im becoming increasingly confident is gonna stay that way, was spearheaded by this guy. blowing a kiss at the clouds for drayano

but its not like these designs dont have anything going for them on their own !! the way this frilly, pompous jacket collar design it has grasually grows into a snakey cocoon that engulfs all of its limbs is first of all pretty bold of an idea and second of all really really fun !!

the consistent yellow highlights and eyeshadow elements the designs have do a really good job of communicating what a smug regal air this thing puts on, despite some of that not being quite as present as id like. i mean like the smugleaf jokes certainly didnt come outof nowhere yea ?

thanks for the good times, eden. sorry i never took you and the girls to post game

-2 : Fuecoco

FUECOCO IS GOOD!! i need to get this out of the way because judging these as lines rather than individually means that sometimes good designs end up getting the short end of the stick. which super is whats going on here

the first thing that strikes me is that it feels like they design a perfectly fine and fun fire croco butremembered it was a spaniard animal, and decided to toss spanish things at it midway through. the use of different words there was deliberate

the second is that... wow where the hell is skeledirge coming from. like the progression from fuecoco to crocalor is perfectly reasonable, and it does its job as a jump to an awkward offputting midstage (compliment), but then,,, the entire head just suddenly crashes straight to a wall unceremoniously, with this unappealing strident geometry to it all, with a thermometer on its face and pencil sharpener on its torso that has Nothing to do with anything the previous evolutions were communicating. the cool things they had going for it were in fact completely abandoned; the silly lil chompy jaws and teeth turn into ugly skin formations, the overt roundness of the creature just becomes a regular crocos with a decreased polycount, and the cool fire headdressings just become this ugly, lampshaded absence. ...doesnt do anything good for me

+2 : Bulbasaur

i think this ones just the platonic ideal for pokémon evolution. it does EXACTLY what it should do without missing a beat. to the point where im struggling to even talk about it

it starts cute and simple but interesting, cute huge bulb in its back, nice green patterns dotting its body, non standard friendly frog face,, and it grows into this huge, flowering beast with warts with a menacing, yet still cute (in a delightfully off way) face. half lidded eyes, sharp fangs in a wide mouth... and in pokémon stadium it does this

it just.... i donno !!! its so creature !!!! it communicates itself well, offers something different but still cohesive from its contemporaries, and its like !!! really unique for their first go at a grass starter !!! like,, a poisonous plant dinosaur ? on their first go ?? yes girl !!!!!

the one thing that leaves me wanting about the line is the slight change in body colour; it feels too slight to communicate much to me and it ends up being a bit distracting ? but as you can see, its such a minor thing, and im just saying it to make it seem like i have more to say than i actually do

-1 : Galar

yeah see theres the handicap i was talking about.

ugh theres just... so much going on here and i really dont want to elaborate much. first of all all the base forms feel so naked. scorbunny is the only one i feel is communicating something worth much with the sports tape designs, but thats so little to begin with,,

then the rest of the evo lines come in and. why does the sobble line go from naked sad lizard to naked spy lizard. why does socrbunny get a stupid ugly jacket and then lose it. why is grookey line so boring.

theres not a single hit here. 9 chances to make me feel anything other than uninspired and despondent and bored, and they missed Every single one. i hate them.

+1 : Popplio

what id bet is a very surprising pick for anyone who Knows me because i dont think id ever ever ever pick popplio as my starter in lieu of incineroar. but thats incineroar. this is popplio, brionne, and primarina

so this is every principle from bulbasaur lines design executed with utmost elegance and at a higher scale. first of all, its an interesting idea executed in a novel and fun way. its a little seal !!! it goes bwark !!! it has very sillybab paws that dont let it walk right !!! and it evolves very naturally into a graceful otherworldly singer and performer, keeping your attention in how the colour palette enrichens and grows as it evolves, and reiterating every interesting design element it has with each iteration !!! little clown collar into a gorgeous frilly design, silly little ears into magical ethereal hair, stumpy tail into a majestic mermaids tail !!! ws all around !!!!

another strength it has is,, i think brionne is one of few starter midstages i like in its own merits ? often any attachment i have to midstages work more as,, appreciation of a blueprint. like... "wow i see where this is going to go and i cant wait to get there". i mean, by design, theyre supposed to be awkward, a little "incomplete". but brionne, like,,, baillerina !!! the ears are pigtails now !!! look at that earnest but lil weird smile its got !!!! dawww its my friend !!!!

the finally, it has a lot of strengths on a macro level worth pointing out. and these are compliments i extend to gens 6 and 7 as a whole.

firstly, each starter right off the bat offers something very different. different silhouettes, different vibes, completely different target demographics as soon as you get to look at them in the starter selection.

and secondly, theming. i really like how in gen 6 you have the rpg class and in gen 7 you have the circus performer thing going on; it all feels natural and fun, and ties with the previous point to really inform and shape your preference when you pick one of these creatures, while still having them fit together with each other. its what i wish pokémon had more of

#normalclear #pkmn #id put filler tags but i dont think those do anything anymore #thanks for the ask honey i love yu so much

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0thsense · 6 months

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11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

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losingandlearning · 9 months

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hmp

why cant i communicate clearly? i dont know i feel like im doing.. what others are doing... mimicking them in a way but everytime i talk with someone i never seem to get the reaction im expecting. they always take me the wrong way. i dont feel like i can win in most conversations... ill either be silent and get nothing out of it or say the wrong thing that i dont even know is the wrong thing... and end up feeling weird and off putting. its strange i thought i was getting better at it but i lack the consistency that others seem to have. i thought i if i ignored the expectations i have, and just say what i want it would be more natural and easier. but that doesnt seem to work either. i feel like with the connections i do have, ive already fucked up enough to where i cant say anything to affect their pre established thoughts on me. id love to be able to find out what people truly think of me, not in a narcissistic sense but.... more rather in a way to understand how i come across to see how they think about the things i say. i really dont get it . they can say the exact same things i say, even in the same tone, but it will elicit a completely different reaction. do people just naturally hate me? i know thats self pitying and obviously not true but... even a space where theres no prior history or link to any of my identity i still fail to connect in the way i desire.

"like theres not anyone who.. needs me to be around"

"do you know why that is?"

i dont and thats what bothers me. its weird i want to learn how to not need others but ... in doing so i would definitely solidify the already presence lack of anyones requirement for me. its one of the selfish reasons in why i desire i relationship. i want to need someone in the sense that.. there are few people in this earth who i feel i can share certain parts of myself with, to be able to share it all with one person must be magical... and i want someone to bless me with that same trust. is it so selfish to want to feel special? i dont know i think i deserve it... i just dont know how to get it. not only in a romantic relationship but in all of my connections... i want to be... liked i want to be trusted i want to be ... loved. but. i dont know i guess i must be going about it the wrong way. i cant accept that im just not loveable because well. what do you do then... just die alone and sad?

but i just.. i cant keep waiting for that moment. the flame inside me lingers dully, it will last but it will not give me the strength i need to even enjoy life. i float miserably along. getting stuck on random things that dont even phase others. i dont. i dont know. i WANT to know though, thats the worst thing i WISH i knew what i was doing wrong. maybe i still wouldnt put in the effort to fix it but . atleast id know.

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findlayccarter · 1 year

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Bone Marrow - 1st AC

Working on Bone Marrow alongside DP Samuel was a great learning experience. Theres certain areas in terms of lighting and camera that I learned and found out about that I didn't expect I would. But also just being on a large set where everyone had there own role and there was a real pressure for time was nice to be in - even if the call time for one of the days was 5:30am.

Problems on set for me:

Our first problem that we had to overcome was the rigging for the URSA to be handheld. We needed to create a counter weight for the vocus rig so that it wasn't too front heavy. We didn't have the right screw for the cheese plate but luckily this was something that we noticed on our first day that was more of a test shoot day even though we did do some filming that wasn't intended to be done. The USRA can be a bit of a puzzle to get a comfortable handheld rig and you kind of have to combine the built in shoulder rest with the stuff from the vocus rig. The main struggle was finding a way to make it quick to change from handheld to tripod so that the camera could be rested on the sticks for safety reasons between scenes.

Nucleus wireless focus. Every-time I've used it on set so far theres been a random power issue problem that seems to happen suddenly mid shoot that can't be solved. The last time it happened the D-Tap cable wouldn't power the motor from the URSA or V-lock battery. This meant I had to use the Joy stick arms and power the motor from them with the rechargeable batteries. This same thing happened on Bone Marrow, however I couldn't power them through the joy stick handles either as they wouldn't power up. After sitting for a while scrolling through forums I couldn't find anything, I messed around with the power sources, trying to test If it was because the power draw the camera was getting wasn't enough but nothing would work. I'm still unsure of what the problem is but I'm putting it down the the D-tap Cable as thats the only part that seemed not too work and when we were able to get a new one from screen academy it started working again.

In terms of problems, only having two isn't two bad and we managed to solve them.

In terms of stuff I learned or realised when on set as 1st AC was mainly focus pulling related. Without wireless monitors BNC cables are going everywhere and sometimes it's not possible to be out of the way somewhere with mini video village pulling focus. I had to adapt and get comfortable with holding a monitor and pulling focus and I think by having the remote around my shoulder down at the side was the best option.

Being fairly new 1st AC role I wasn't used to creating marks or other standard practices that professionals may use. Looking back I wish I'd tried to create marks with the rings so that I had an idea of how it worked. However the system I found most successful was;

Focus Peaking on monitor (change settings of colour/sensitivity based on shot)

Creating safety marks in the remote for the edges of the lens - the lenses were so old therefor the focus ring was quite tough so I had to have the torque on a high setting. Sometimes if the motor got to the end of the focus ring it would come off, so having the internal marks on the remote would mean I could avoid the motor coming off the tracks as much as possible.

Be there for the blocking so can get a rough idea about focus changes

Floor marks help keep focus consistent

Trust my eye

Talk to director/DP about focus style - general notes about what to have focus on or if theres changes in focus based on character for example. But also based on the style of focus, especially if its a low T-stop. Is the main focus the eyes, or is there another focus that the director is trying to capture.

Always have a manual focus backup. Ideally the Alexa follow focus as it comes with the bendy arm - we had to use this when the nucleus died and honestly worked quite well even though it was a tracking shot.

I'm very grateful for Samuel and James bringing me on this project, it was fun to watch the process of everyone working together and my favourite bartender Robbie pour too many wasted pints in Bennets. Can't forget 2nd AC Davide either, laughing through the long days the whole time.

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livingbutamireally · 1 year

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AY2022/2023 Y4S1 Module Reviews

I have been putting this off for awhile and have been writing this over the span of a few weeks truthfully maybe even a month. I have no idea what is it in this semester but i get tired just from doing absolutely nothing. We already knew but the transition from work back to school wasnt easy at least for me couldnt remember some of the coding stuff i used to have at my fingertips. But i guess there was enough mods for me to practice them over so it didnt take too long for me to get back on my feet. Feels so surreal that its finally my last modreg season actually....

Without further ado the

Overview

LAJ2201 Japanese 2

GEH1016 Understanding Consumption

BT4103 Business Analytics Capstone Project

BT4212 Search Engine Optimization and Analytics

BT4222 Mining Web Data for Business Insights

LAJ2201 Japanese 2

Lecturer

Kitai S., Amazaki O.

Textbooks

Minna no Nihongo Shokyu 1 Main textbook Second Edition (SGD42.00)

Minna no Nihongo Shokyu 1 Translation & Grammatical Notes in English Second Edition (SGD33.00)

Minna no Nihongo Shokyu 1 Hyoojun Mondaishuu Second Edition (SGD18.00)

Minna no Nihongo Shokyu 1 Kanji Eigoban Kanji (English Edition) Second Edition (SGD32.00)

Prices are how the school vendor charges, if you can source cheaper ones outside feel free to get those instead! You will need Hyoujun Mondaishuu in physical copy so please get that at the very least.

Weightage

Term Test 1 Performance i dont know if im allowed to share this info tbh here goes nothign

Ave highest full mark

Kanji & Vocabulary 8.3 10 10

Grammar 1 Particles 5.9 8 8

Grammar 2 True or False 4.4 6 6

Grammar 3 Finding errors 2.5 6 6

Reading 7.6 10 10

Listening 7.5 11 12

Term Test 2 Components *performance not revealed

Kanji + Katakana Grammar 1 (particle) Grammar 2 (true/false) Grammar 3 (conjugation) *new Grammar 4 (finding error) Reading Listening

Review

honestly LAJ has been very exciting for me personally if not one of the most fun moments ive had in nus. sure 1 sem is barely enough for you to ground yourself in the fundamentals of a language and of course interest far supersedes any kind of effort u put in because it is not the hours u put into it that count, but rather the passive picking up of things as u go along. sounds cheesy as hell that is probably true. anyways laj has been nothign short of enjoyable despite the really tight timeline plus very consistent schedule of always being on the grind for submissions. the workload really IS a lot and its very time consuming so i have to think hard if i really want to take this next sem. honestly as someone whos been into this hellhole for awhile, learning it formally is still really different from anything ive been doing on my own (watchign etc).... like i didnt know i still have so much i dont know??? ok tbf i came in with no grammar knowledge other than the basic の and と that any seasoned otaku would know so i struggled Hard.. but i think the experience of learning with new friends really ive made eased it in so much for me... i love it.. 1000/10 would recommend if ur already into the culture idt u have anything to lose?? idt i did well throughout tbh as in weekly quizes ive got a lot of 6/10s but on days where i studied 30 mins before the class i get 9/10 so do what u got to do ig. my term test perf wasnt very good either so im not getting my hopes up despite me taking this module with the intentions to bring my gpa up.

for the drill every week theres 1 lecture, 2 tutorials. the lecture goes through one chapter of the minna textbook which includes both a set of vocabulary and some grammar rules. for tut A u got to hand in the kanji homework and theres a vocab quiz too in class that u need to prep before hand. tut A also goes through renshuu C-1 and C-2 dialogues usually. And every sun there are prep quizes for both vocab and kanji due, this preps u for the in class quiz can retake as many times to perfect ur score. for tut B u got to hand in the hyoujun mondaishuu (physical) for the previous weeks lecture and they go through more speech patterns covered in renshuu C-3 usually. Renshuu C is where u find the dialogues that you will need again for the oral interview basically memory work. Oral interview pairs u with a classmate and u guys take turns to talk, what is tested is the same as renshuu C just under different context/setting. sometimes theres additional hw to submit for shadowing (recording urself repeating the dialogue right after a recorded dialogue), writing (short compo) and reading (comprehension). When its nearing term tests, u will get a listening quiz the week before tt iirc the stuff are said only ONCE so if u zone out then byebye. The term test itself also has a listening component which is basically the same drill again for god knows why. other than that we had this online exchange session pretty fun with other jp uni students zoom n chat kind of thing then a presentation on ur exchange in w13. Pretty fun time passes too fast in laj honestly it made my week go by too fast (spend too much time doing jp).

GEH1016 Understanding Consumption

Professor Dr. Hendrik M.

Weightage

Content

Introduction - Thinking about Consumption

Geographies of Consumption

Consumption in History

Economics and Consumption

Business and Consumption

Psychology and Consumption

Society and Consumption

Cultures of Consumption

Politics and Consumption

Ethics of Consumption

Environment and Consumption

Internet and Consumption and Conclusions

Conclusions

Review

Took this as a ue just for the sake of a ue.. i saw the reviews saying its essay based sparks flew jk i think its like any other ge tbh the lectures go through consumption as viewed from the various disciplines, assumptions et cetera et cetera its like a content kind of mod? i skipped most of the later half of the lectures because my schedule was really so bad i needed more time for my other mods priorities right and i didnt do any of the readings theres just too much and im not that much of a reader i know.. attention span lasts for at msot 5s and these readings are like 30 pages on average long some weeks theres 2 readings i simply cant wiht the reading.. other than that u kind of just need to know what they are covering in the lectures so i should be safe..crossing my fingers.... tutorial wise its kind of seminar style? the tutor is able to talk a lot out of nothing sometimes which amazes me...its very nothing module idh a better word low effort ish? just sometimes we need to present and stuff in our groups for the tutorials and the final presentation on our location of research and findings..class part alright... essay is some reflection paper on what has been taught i think it wsa week 4/5 ish then group project is any location of your choice to study on the different perspectives of consumption and a bit of research u come up with this academic paper (tutor is very niao about the citation style and stuff so please be careful) then the original written finals by some reason i dont rmb became a take home final essay which is better for me since more time (not really for me cause AFA LOL) anyways shitted out the paper a day before submissions and still alive so...

BT4103 Business Analytics Capstone Project

Professor Um S.Y., Hahn J.P.

Weightage

Individual Component Consultation Participation 25% Weekly logs 10% Group Component Presentations + Project deliverables 50% Client Satisfaction 15%

Note: The score for the teamwork component of your grade will be normalised based on your contribution to the team, which will be determined via a peer evaluation process and a client satisfaction survey at the mid/end of the semester

Schedule

Lectures for this mod only happened once during the start of the sem, on nusmods its a 3h long one but dw that only will occur just once. Following weeks will be a 30min consult that is set at the convenience of the group and the prof/TA can be held on another day as well really up to you. So at the start there was about 20 (?) projects on the portal they will brief you during that initial lecture and you can go in to look at the descriptions of the deliverables if it aligns with your groups interest. You bid for them by ranking the 20 projects and the assignment of groups to their projects is on fcfs basis (other than by rank) so please manage the time for bidding well if you want to get the project of your choice. Yeah and then you get to exchange contacts with your company etc to for an introduction of the expected work proper. After that you kind of really just liaise back and forth with your company on the submission, and every week the profs will check in with you on your progress, any doubts/challenges etc etc basically a slot to update on your work. There is a weekly log submission too due Fri 12pm where u outline your contributions in a doc to be submitted. Other than that for the presentations, there is an interim one nearing recess week and a final one in week 13. Interim was online/physical at your choice even though they did not make it very clear and finals is definitely physical with your project sponsors as well. Tip is to make sure u choose projects that you definitely have stuff to talk about.... if its too easy its a bit hard to make your project and value of work delivered look substantial enough....

BT4212 Search Engine Optimisation and Analytics

Professor Jin C.

Weightage

Class participation 5%

In-class quiz 5%

Homework assignments and group project 40%

Final exam 50%

Content

Keywords research, Google ranking algorithm updates, on-page/off-page SEO, randomized experiment design, A/B test, ranking algorithm, data mining and ml methods

Review

This actually is still a pretty interesting module even up till now but i especially rmb telling another friend how the content isnt dry like the other modules well till i was proven wrong with the experiment design flashbacks to ger1000 but overall i think its still pretty interesting the prof also is very engaging as in he talks in a way that captures your attention? or at the very least isnt very monotonous and he does put in the effort to come up with very relevant analogies amidst all the inevitably dry content Oh the reason why i was impressed was i actually finally understand?? the source material?? like snaps fingers enlightenment kind of thing???? hes actually really good at conveying the material without making it seem like the daunting insurmountable mountain... the first few weeks are fine though they ease u in wiht all the motivations behind efforts to improve seo ranking and the google ranking updates which are very interesting to learn about.. the ranking algo and ml parts are towards the end after week 7 and things start to get a bit haywire because its suddenly knee dip into matrices (after 3 years) and stuff solving eigenvectors (i thought we moved on from maths) </3 then towards the end the usual ml recap all over again this is good since most bt mods does a ml refresher over the models and stuff again so its a good recap or even does a good job introducing for those who are touchnig these for their first time.

The quizes kind of didnt happen until after week 7 iirc theres only 2 for our sem its a 5 mcq luminus quiz kind of thing and its all ctrl-f-able open book so try to get 5/5 for these. The homework assignments are also more congregated towards the second half of the sem so just manage your time well and expect these to take up some keyword some of your time. There are 4 of those in total, the first is a simple writeup pretty much no biggie then the remaining 3 are coding assignments but most of it u would have the pseudocode to do the same he explains it in lectures then u just kind of code it out the final one being more ml driven so if you’ve done ml before u wont struggle much anyway. Else can just google the source code its always p much the same plug and pull easy game. The finals though...........

(minute of silence)

its a written paper so u kind of sit down for 2h doing the problems for the final week (w13) the prof will go through finals questions from previous sems if u revised it then ur gtg u can expect about the same. But i didnt plan my time well plus confused by the requirements (choose all that apply for mcqs) and the answer fields being in a table of boxes from q1 to 20 do i really put e.g. a,b,c within one box for one question?? and the option d is a whole ‘all above’ really got me second guessing myself until idk anymore if i rmb correctly the format was 20 MCQs, 4 short answer questions (not really short but compared to the longer ones behind), 1 long ass question with many subparts that tests computation i.e. stats stuff and the matrices stuff

Anyways grades please be nice to me crying i lost too many marks because id dint have the time (for the first time if im being honest) Theres also one group project but no news from the prof until very late into the sem maybe week 8? 9? they had to finalise some sutff like if our blogs were indexed (most of it was not) so it became a project plan write up kind of thing how u plan to conduct the experiment to test out whether changing up some things affect the seo ranking instead of actually executing it out (profs original intention) might differ next sem tell me about it then

This is a sem 1 only mod and i think u should definitely take this up if the module title intrigues you because out of all the bt mods ive taken most barely even correspond to the module title T_T but this one surprisingly does a good job at it as for workload wise i think its pretty manageable just got to expect a little more than nothing in the later half of the sem

BT4222 Mining Web Data for Business Insights

Professor Wang Q.H.

Weightage

Assignment 1 (10%)

Quiz 1 (10%)

Assignment 2 (10%)

Project proposal submission and presentation (5%)

Assignment 3 (10%)

Quiz 2 (10%)

Project deliverables (40%)

Attendance class participation (5%)

Content

ML intro, web scraping, feature engineering, regularisation, NLP, classification methods, linear/logistic regression, bayesian learning/ svm, decision tree, ensemble learning and random forests, neural nets and deep learning, word embedding, convolutional neural net recurrent neural net and other DNN and explainability

Review

This is one of the more popular pes because it coincides for a few specs or sth im sure its also why i thought this should be one of the more useful ones granted it aligns for more than 1 spec.. Anyway what im saying is that most bza students would have taken this mod. And sure enough i think the prof this sem wang qh did a really good job covering this mod cant say the same for zhao yl for last sem.. u all really.. Anyways once again like many bt mods its a very ML focused one so u get to explore the various ML models if you like doing that. The prof also provide source codes so its very helpful when you need to refer in future and stuff. Nothing much to say ba its quite good theres class part so maybe half way through the lecture she will put up the attendance gforms then u fill it in on the spot usually during the break i.e. 1h 10m into the lecture (she sets alarm for this to make sure she doesnt go over v cute) Other than that theres 2 tests (quizzes) held on examplify usually max max 30 mcq but these mcq are tricky as hell sometimes with 5/6 options so really ganbare. For the assignments its coding based and also very structured with guidelines in the ipynb plus u got all the source code so no problem ba mb just 1/2 question will be q hard but other than that no biggie ive always been the last minute so maybe allocate about a week should be enough. Then theres also a project that you can work on throughout the sem, yes as you learn more ml models through the week the problem statement is really up to you and your group and how u want to achieve it also very open ended... (jsut like the BT4221 i took) except u already know theres this project at the start of the sem i.e. more time to work on it unlike bt4221....... just need to submit project proposal at the start of the sem then ur report findings, codes and stuff at the end with a presentation for proposal (cancelled for us due to no time) and a presentation in w13 (can be 1/2 person presenting for the group) there will be a lot fo groups presenting and then we have a gforms to rate their projects as part of the evaluation no finals for this (yay) bc she thinks the doing is more importatn (getting down to prep the data, actual model implementation basically the practical stuff compared to content content stuff (WHICH SHOULD BE THE WAY TO GOOO) very practically speaking all the theory is all google-able whether u can do it is something else entirely

#y4s1

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bokuroskitten · 3 years

Text

𝔅𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔠𝔥

〈 you and kuroo have been together for years. Bokuto is his closest ally, so what happens when theres a breach.

† genre/pairing: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI Yakuza AU, Bokuto Koutarou x Fem!Reader.

† word count: 4.2k

† warnings: dubcon (corersion / power imbalance), pining, fingering (f!receiving), creampie, unproctected sex, aftercare if you squint, possessive behaviour.

❦ this lovely piece is for @sugawara-sweetheart decadence collab! I’m slipping in right before the due date hehe! Please check out all the other amazing pieces in collab. Also shoutout to @semisgroupie for beta reading this for me! Ily dee ❦ please let me know what you all think!

You can still remember it, the day Kuroo finally asked to be your boyfriend. Standing outside of the gym, still sweaty from practice. He had come all the way to Fukurodani Academy from his college in Tokyo just to make sure he caught you leaving the gym.

He had been so nervous, taking your hand into his and giving you that classic smirk you loved so dearly.

“I know you have a volleyball team to run, but do you think you have time for a boyfriend too?”

You had been together ever since, even when you graduated, even when Kuroo had to drop out to take over for his father, even when you discovered his father ran a large chunk of the Japanese Yakuza’s underground division.

Kuroo had always been careful, he never brought that life home to you. You were his angel, his precious kitten. Whatever hardships, shady dealings, and dangerous activity he had to do was kept away from home. Away from you at any and all costs.

His job and his life with you was kept separate, for your safety mostly. He has enemies on the other side that would do anything to get their hands on the great Kuroo Tetsuro’s little fiancé and that alone was enough for Kuroo to keep you safe, hidden, and protected with the help of his closest allies.

Which consisted of Bokuto Koutarou. You were already well acquainted with the silver owl, considering the two of you had gone to the same high school. Bokuto had gone into the Yakuza around the same time Kuroo did, easily making a name for himself so his father could enjoy the rest of his life without crime attached to his name. Kuroo and Bokuto stayed close, and got even closer when they had to step into this lifestyle.

Allies were important to have, Kuroo and Bokuto knew this and used their long term friendship to their advantage. Bokuto was one of the only people who knew exactly who you were, your true identity and your relationship to Kuroo. He was to look after you if Kuroo had any “business trips” or had to suddenly leave for “meetings.” Kuroo trusted him to keep you safe, and Bokuto promised to do just that.

What Bokuto hadn’t expected was to fall for you.

He had always seen you like a cute underclassman, always trying your hardest to make everyone happy. Never once did he think he’d start to notice the way your hips swayed when you walked, or how plump your lips were when you applied lip gloss.

It had to be your fault. Maybe you were doing this all on purpose. Bokuto knew himself, and he knew he wasn’t the type of person to fall for his best friend's fiance. So that means it had to be you, maybe you were trying to get his attention when you wore those pretty skirts, maybe you were trying to pull him in when you batted your lashes at him.

Bokuto couldn’t take it anymore, not when he started staring at you a little longer than he should, not when he started to get hard in your presence. Especially not when he started to fuck his fist late at night, hips humping wildly into his palm as your name vibrated off his lips.

So he decided to do something about it. The opportunity presented itself when Kuroo called him up, told him he had some last-minute business to attend to and if he could stay the night with you just in case. Of course, Bokuto agreed, reassuring him that you would be completely safe with him.

So that’s how the two of you ended up here, on the couch late into the evening. You were already dozing off, nuzzling your face into a pillow while your legs laid across Bokuto’s lap. Although a movie had been playing, his amber eyes were locked on your legs. He ate up the surface of your skin, eyes lingering until they landed on your crotch which was currently covered in a pair of satin red pajama bottoms.

The ones Kuroo had bought you for your last anniversary.

Bokuto could feel his heart picking up in speed as he smoothed his palm over your leg. Which had been resting on your knee, but he moved it up, rubbing soft circles into your thigh. You stirred a bit, a yawn slipping past your lips.

“Bo, m’sleepy, gunna go to bed.”

He felt his chest tighten, along with the grip he had on your thigh. It made you squirm.

“Don’t go just yet Birdy. Stay up a little longer, yea? We can watch whatever you want.”

“I won’t stay awake.” You rebuttal, attempting to pull your legs away from Bokuto’s lap.

He worked quickly, deciding on tickling your leg. You jolted from the suddenness of the attack, giggles and whines leaving your lips in streams as Bokuto persisted. He worked his way over you, fingers travelling up your sides and continuing the tickling until his hands found your hips.

Your eyes were sparkling with tears when he finally finished the onslaught, chest rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath. That task only seemed more complicated when Bokuto’s large palms pressed your hips further into the couch, his much larger figure looming over you.

In the dimness of the living room, his eyes looked different. Lit up by only the subtle glow of the tv. His pupils were blown out, darting between you and your chest. You suddenly became very aware of his piercing gaze, clearing your throat which made his eyes shoot back up to meet yours.

“Koutarou… is something wrong?”

Bokuto had to hold back a moan at the sweet sound of your pretty little voice. Koutarou. His first name so easily slips off your tongue as if you already belong to him. The scar on the corner of his lip twitched when he grinned down at you.

Before you could ask him again his lips were on yours, smothering any words that threatened to question him again. Your eyes widened, shock and confusion and an odd sense of warmth filling your stomach.

You did the first thing that came to mind, you squirmed, whimpered beneath him.

Wrong. This is all wrong. Bokuto was your senpai, a friend, an ally.

What if Kuroo came home?

“B-Bo--” you managed to squeak out when his lips finally left your own, only to begin pressing wet kisses along your jaw, down your chin. Everything was suddenly a little hazy, and you couldn’t tell whether this sensation was fear or something else.

Something that you had only felt for Kuroo for as long as you could remember.

You snapped back into reality when his lips got dangerously close to your chest, lips threatening to pass the hem of the satin neckline. You yelped, fingers going into Bokuto’s hair and giving a harsh tug.

“B-Bokuto! What are--”

“Birdy--” There was a growl in his tone, one that made your fingertips go numb and your breath caught in your throat.

When he looked back at you he didn’t quite look like himself. This is what you pictured Bokuto looked like on the job. Eyes cold, lips held in a stern line. Not a single speckle of that sparkling gold that his orbs usually held. No traces of a grin that his lips usually graced.

This was Bokuto Koutaruo, a businessman, a potential threat, a possible killer.

“Birdy.” He repeated again, softer this time. He must have felt the way you tensed, the way you sunk further into the couch beneath him. He brought his face close to yours once again and to his displeasure you let out a soft whimper.

“Don’t be scared of me baby, I’d never hurt you…”

“But--”

“But what, pretty, what's the matter, hm? Don’t you want me to show you how much I care about you… don’t you wanna feel special…”

His words were slightly slurred, or so they seemed in your head. His tongue was against your ear, tracing along your earlobe as his warm breath fanned against your skin.

It was a familiar scent, bubblegum. Bokuto’s favourite. It seemed too sweet so close to your nose.

His hands smoothed up your sides, thumbs just inches away from slipping up your tank top and it had goosebumps forming all along your skin.

Wrong.

“We can’t.” You muttered, voice sounding much weaker than you wanted it to when Bokuto pressed another kiss behind your ear.

“Why not?” He was relentless, one knee slowly wedging itself between your thighs despite the way you were squirming.

“Kuroo--”

“Kuroo wants me to take care of you Birdy, and I’m doing just that, aren’t I?” You yelped softly when his teeth suddenly sunk into the flesh of your collarbone. When had he moved down so much? Why hadn’t you noticed his sliver spikes tickling your chin or the way his palms had begun to slide the silky material up your skin.

“I’m taking care of you by makin’ you feel good…”

“But--”

“Kuroo’s gonna be happy…” Bokuto continues, his words suddenly sound distant, your body unbelievably hot as his lips find the tops of your breasts. “His pretty kitty is gonna feel safe and pleased when he gets home…”

Your fingers were no longer lost in Bokuto’s hair, rather they were held loosely above your head, one of his big palms keeping them anchored there as he lifted himself.

You whined, the sudden loss of contact making goosebumps rise along your flesh.

Bokuto had a hard time keeping his grin to himself. Your lips were in a small pout, body squirming, eyes holding a little bit of confusion but most of all.

Desire.

He would get you there. He would hear it.

“I want you Koutaruo .”

“Your heart’s beating really fast.” Bokuto’s voice was low, nothing more than a whisper behind the static of the tv. It made a lump form in your chest.

Your chest tightened the further he pulled away from you. You weren’t exactly sure what you wanted, but you knew you didn’t want him to leave.

“Koutarou.”

There it was.

He leaned back in, his large palm sliding away from your wrists and down your arm instead. All the way down until he cupped your cheek in a large palm. His thumb swiped along your bottom lip.

He had to hold back a groan when your lips opened up just a sliver when your tongue threatened to touch his thumb.

“Let me take care of you, Birdy.”

“Will Kuroo really be okay with it?”

Your voice shook, soft and sweet and oh so innocent. Naive. Adorable.

Bokuto couldn’t wait to have you all to himself. Clearly, Kuroo hadn’t taught you well enough. But Bokuto would, he would teach you to stay away from guys like him.

“Course he will, baby, he always wants what's best for you, isn't that right?”

All you had to do was nod. A gentle, subtle nod. And Bokuto’s lips were back on yours. It was a deep kiss, pressed tightly to your lips and suppressing any chance of denial. Your fingers were back in his hair, but you didn’t tug this time.

Rather you just ran your fingers through silver locks. A bit stiff from the gel, and yet so very soft.

Soft like Kuroo’s.

“Spread your legs, angel.” That dizzy feeling was back when Bokuto’s words vibrated against your lips. Your legs spread open despite your confusion. They were commanded, working on their own.

Working because of the strings Bokuto has somehow placed on them.

“Good girl.” You shivered. That’s what Kuroo always called you.

Was it him speaking to you?

Bokuto was holding back a groan. He should have felt sick to his stomach, looking down at you between his legs with teary eyes and a slightly confused expression. He should have been thinking of Kuroo, his best friend, ally.

But instead, he just felt himself harden, licking along his lower lip and bringing his large palm to cup your sex. You were so warm, even through the fabric of your shorts.

He rubbed it, slow and soft, his eyes widening as he watched you, twitching and whimpering. You were already becoming so pliant, hips rubbing back into his palm. The longer it went on, the warmer you got.

He was so excited to split you open.

“Tell me what you want.” Bokuto looked into your eyes, waited. He knew the words were there on the tip of your tongue.

“C-Can you…” It was so cute, hearing you stutter over yourself despite the way you shamelessly pressed into his hand.

“Can you touch me, Kou...”

Finally he released his groan, loud and guttural. He moved his hands only a moment, just long enough to grip the hem of your shorts. In one swoop they were off your trembling thighs, discarded on the floor.

You were even more beautiful than Bokuto had imagined, one palm covering your flustered face while your thighs glistened in the dim glow of the tv. And there was your cunt, folds slightly swollen and shiny with your desire.

He would have taken a picture if he could have but that could be saved for another time.

“You’re so pretty baby, you’ve got the perfect little cunt.” Bokuto said with one of his signature grins, the ones that used to make your heart flutter back in high school when he would score a point.

His fingers were gentle, rubbing one large strip along your slit. Slowly he split open your lips, holding back the urge to drool. There was your perfect hole, fluttering around nothing.

Basically beckoning him.

“S-Stop staring Kou…” your voice was so whiny, so soft as you looked at him through tear clumped lashes. He hushed you softly, one palm on your cheek so he could have a better view of your face.

He just had to see what you looked like when he finally pressed inside.

“Can’t help it Birdy, you’re just so beautiful…” His thumb pushed past your bottom lip at the same time he pressed two thick fingers into your pussy. Your gasp was adorable, lips quickly latching onto his thumb to hide the whines.

His fingers alone were enough to cause a slight burn, the stretch feeling so much different than the one Kuroo could provide for you. It made you press your hips into his touch, your trembling fingers gripping his wrist with desperation.

Bokuto bit his lip, slowly pumping his fingers in and out. He would push all the way in until he reached his knuckles, allowing the cold surface of his rings to make you yelp every time before pulling out to just his fingertips.

He kept this pace until your hips began to match it, your adorable little body humping along his fingers as you tried your very best to keep yourself quiet.

Bokuto didn’t want that though. He wanted to hear you, needed to hear his name spilling off your lips. So he pulled his thumb from your mouth, gave your bottom lip a little tug as an act of encouragement.

“Feels good baby? Tell me how it feels?”

“F-Feels.” You were still stumbling over yourself. So cute. “Feels good…”

“Yea? I can tell, your pussy is swallowing me up.”

He chuckled when embarrassment flashed over your face, but before you could hide your face from him yet again he pressed the pad of his thumb to your clit. The action had you gasping, back lifting slightly off the mattress.

“That’s it…” Bokuto murmured, gaze locked on your face, how it scrunched up and twisted so pretty as the pleasure took over you. Your cunt squeezed around his fingers, an indication for him to add just one more.

“S’too much~” you tried whimpering at him, but Bokuto brushed it off with a couple of quick kisses to your lips. He had to prep you anyway, his cock was already threatening to rip through his pants.

When your voice heightened in pitch Bokuto picked up his pace. He brought his face close to your pussy, allowing his hot breath to fan over it. That had you grasping the cushions for dear life, a string of pleas leaving your lips.

“Want you to come on my fingers now Birdy. You can do it. It’ll feel so good. Be a good girl and cum.”

Your body reacted for you, lips hung open in a silent scream as his fingertips focused on that spongy spot within you. With a couple more tight circles into your clit you fell apart, walls clenching before gushing around his fingers.

Bokuto’s pupils blew out at the sight, nothing but primal desire flooding his system as he watched your arousal drown out his fingers. It wet his knuckles, coated his rings as he ever so slowly pulled his fingers free. The slick pop had both of you groaning softly, and he couldn’t help but watch as he spread his fingers apart to find strings of your arousal keeping them together.

He had to have a taste and refused to continue the evening without it. So he sucked his fingers into his mouth. His moan was nothing short of obscene, making sure he licked off every ounce of your essence.

You were panting as you watched him, eyes still tear glazed and body tingling as it came down from the high. When he finally noticed you staring he grinned.

But this time it was different. Not the scoring high school Bokuto, or the Bokuto who would flash this grin when he had a little too much to drink

This was different. Darker, carnal. It made a shiver travel all the way up your spine.

And yet you still didn’t say no when he told you to take your tank top off, didn’t say no when he pulled off his own black button up, back muscles rippling in the dim lighting as he pulled you into his lap.

And you definitely couldn’t say no to him when he pulled his cock free, the sheer length and girth making you whine.

He was so much bigger than Kuroo. Thicker, wider, maybe even longer.

“Shh Birdy, hold on tight. It’s only gonna hurt for a few seconds. Then I’m gonna make you feel so very good.” His reassurance puts you at ease. Kuroo had done the same for you, way back when the two of you first slept together.

Would Kuroo really be okay with this--

The gasp that was ripped from your throat made Bokuto that much more excited. Just his tip had pushed past the first ring of muscles and already there were tears in your eyes, nails digging into his shoulders at the stretch he provided.

“K-Kou, can’t, I can’t”

“Shh birdy. Remember I’m gonna make you feel good, promise.” And he really did want to make you feel good but fuck, with the way your pussy already clenched around his tip, threatened to suffocate him as he pressed in inch by inch, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his cool.

You were already creaming when he finally bottomed out, your legs wobbly when they tightened around him. Bokuto couldn’t tear his gaze from his lap, where he stretched out your sweet cunt. It was already drooling, swollen from just being split open by him.

Absent-mindedly he trailed his fingers over your tummy, fingers cursorily tracing the bulge he was able to form there.

There’s no way Kuroo filled you up this good, Bokuto knew that for certain.

“P-Please.” Your voice snapped Bokuto back to reality, the whine in your tone enough to make his dick twitch inside you. “M-Move Kou, need you.”

He sighed. Of course you needed him.

With his palms firmly grasping your hips he pulled you up his cock, just enough that the tip was still edged inside before he began to fuck you on himself. His arm muscles rippled with each push and pull, his hips thrust upwards every time he pushed you back down in order to help with the momentum.

You were gripping onto him so tightly, leaving red streaks along his shoulder blades. Your moans were sweet, sweet music, filling up the empty space with nothing but babbles and cries of his name.

There was still a part of him that looked at you with disappointment, a part of him that screamed how wrong this was, a part of him that knew if Kuroo walked through the doors right now you’d probably both be dead.

But when you looked at him with a tear streaked face, lips hung in a silent cry, skin rippling due to his relentless thrusts, how could he stop himself?

He was even more thrilled when your nails dug into his skin, along his back and shoulders, even along his forearms and pecks. “That’s it Birdy, you’re doin’ so well, takin’ my cock like this.”

The wet slapping sounds soon filled up the room, along with the moans and whimpers the both of you released. With a grunt, Bokuto had your back against the cushions once more, just so he could thrust within your tight cunt harder, faster.

Anything to feel you coming around him, to feel your walls squeeze him. It was everything he knew it would be, better even.

And he knew, Kuroo couldn’t make you feel this way, no way in hell could he even compare.

You had planned to ask him to pull out. No one had ever come inside you before, except Kuroo of course. It was his way of marking you, the subtle possessiveness always coming through when he would fill you to the brim and then plug you up.

But now, as Bokuto drilled into you, showered you with praises and sweet groans you lost all thought. All you thought of was the sweet sting, the stretch his cock could provide. The way he was able to smack into your sweet spot with every thrust.

So when he grunted out a “gonna cum.” you couldn’t find the words to stop him, rather you just let your eye roll back, let out a sweet cry when one of his calloused thumbs pressed into your clit.

Bokuto’s hips smacked into you once, twice more, before his balls twitched and his load filled you up. Rope after rope of warm cum spilled into you, one last strand being milked from him as you clenched up around him, finishing only seconds after he did.

His arms were around you, holding your trembling form so tightly to his chest. He had to look though, had to see exactly what it looked like when you were filled to the brim. So he pulled up just a little bit, moaned out loud at the sight of his cock, how when he slowly pulled it out it was covered in a layer of milky slick.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful…” He murmured, fingers scooping up the beads of arousal dripping from your used hole, only to push them back in.

He didn’t want a single drop wasted.

You were finally starting to come down from the high when Bokuto lifted his weight from you, the loss of contact making you shudder. In your right mind you could have covered up, but instead, you stayed sprawled out, lips tilted into a dumb little smile.

“K-Kou…” You murmured to him, making him look down at you as he stretched out, wincing from the marks you left that managed to break skin.

“Kuroo is gonna be so happy, you took great care of me…” Bokuto hummed, his smirk growing. He was so lucky, so lucky you were so sweet and naive.

He scooped you up then, carrying you bridal style up the stairs. As much as he would have loved to leave you there on the couch, a nice mess for Kuroo to come home to, he had to play it safe. He made sure to clean you up properly, tuck you into bed with fresh and clean clothes.

Bokuto couldn’t lose his closest ally just yet. So until then--

“I’ll make sure Tetsu knows. But you baby, I want you to keep it our secret okay? Can you do that for me?”

That sat funny with you, made your stomach tighten, just how it had at the beginning of the evening. You wanted to question him, ask why you couldn’t be a part of the discussion.

But when Bokuto loomed over you once more, one of his much larger palms easing itself over your neck, you were reminded yet again. Reminded of Bokuto and his power, his power over you.

And now over Kuroo.

“It's our secret. Remember that Birdy. Kuroo has always kept you in a cage, away from the world so others couldn’t hurt you, isn’t that right? Well now I’m going to do the same, keep you in a cage of my own, just the two of us…”

❦ @hqintheclub {check out the network}

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