#theres no reason for me to be here anymore. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apolliss · 3 months

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Sorry for all the vents n shit, but heres another one! (In the tags ofc)

Uh, yeah.

Love yall. I'm sorry.

#ash if you see this no tf you didnt <3 #:3 #bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #disordered eating thoughts #ed disorder #you can tell by the tw that this is a bad one #im really tempted to kill myself. i cant think of any reason not to anymore. she doesnt want to spend time with me. he doesnt care about me.#i hate asking for help because im attention seeking.#i do need attention. i need to know she actually cares and isnt juat there because she feels like she has to be #i know he doesnt care bit itd be cool if hed fucking pick if he qcts like he foes or not. the 180s hurt.#we're getting worse and nothings gonna stop it. i hate it. i hate episodes. im so tired #im gonna start cutting again. im gonna start starving or purging again. why shouldnt i?#theres no reason for me to be here anymore.#i feel bad. they shouldnt have to deal with me #i hope they forgive me #i want to say i hope hes happy with the short one but i hate both of them and wish them the worst in life #i hope they dont miss me too much.#i left school early. i gave ash a hug. i hope thats a good enough goodbye.#i feel bad but she'll be okay without me #i love her #i hope her the best

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mllenugget · 1 month

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I have only one word and one word only : CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI

"I intended to skip Purgatory 2 to catch up faster on VODs since I was told they were unrelated lore-wise But my biggest mistake was to vibe check all the new players - I was not expecting to completely fall head over heels for Team Capybara, hot damn I love them all so much ????" - Me, February 2024

────────────────────────────────────────── Support all the admins that spoke out (& do your daily click) ──────────────────────────────────────────

I took @sunshinetomioka's werewolf Guill headcanon and ran with it btw, credit to it

#you have no idea how painful it was of a dilemma for me to only pick one outfit for Jinki i am so bitter about it #JimmyBoyyy #Bastet #Bagi #TheGuill84 #Scottonauta #Jinkiwinkki #the common factors between all the brazilians is the nose piercing #wait no actually this Bagi design doesn't have one here for some reason but my usual one does #btw i was hesitant for a long time before posting this because I didn't know what to think of my Bagi design U_U #Bagi is a veteran player which means I came up with a design for her months ago AND seperately from the Purgatory 2 new crew #and I had this artistic direction with all my other designs for veteran players that they would all look bruised and bloodied with dirty-#-torned up clothes and what not because it was Purgatory 1 back then (which is why my poor girl Bagi looks rOuGH here)#but then when I started drawing the new players I made them all look shiny and brand new #and I still cleaned up Bagi in her Purg2 version (no blood on her outfit !!) but she still clashes a bit with everyone else so idk man.#Also theres my watermark on this one when i said i wouldnt do that anymore for q fanarts #because this post has been up and ready since February and I lost the original files because I have a bad habit of not ctrl+S #ah et à mes mutu fr : Guill c'était le seul fr de tout qsmp dont je n'avais jamais regardé le contenu avant voilàdesbisousbye #purgatory 2 #qsmp purgatory 2 #mcyt #my art #qsmp

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marsixm · 25 days

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i also think the fact that i had such a stunted and isolated upbringing and now that im an adult all my friends are on atypical life paths (and honestly even my friends as a kid were like this too) means i find things that are usually very common life stages really interesting. like knowing someone who has a house and a wife and 2 kids (with that wife) and a job with a salary feels like meeting fucking paul bunyun to me. or hearing the kids i work with talk about graduating high school and going to college and being on a real path with that stuff is neat? or even sometimes knowing cis/het people who are like going thru that coming of age stuff that i never really experienced the way you see it in the movies bc of transness/queerness/neurodivergence. its like woah they said the name of the thing in the thing. do u know what i mean???

#this actually reminds me of one of the girls at work whose been here for 2 yrs so i feel like im watching her grow up #shes graduating hs this year and shes really smart and she always asks questions like this #like picking ur brain about your life like 'what did you feel like growing up how was your family' etc #its kinda cool #she already got a degree bc of dual credit courses and an internship lined up and im so proud of her #and theres another girl her same age who came to me last night telling me her situationship just broke her heart #and they were both talking all about their prom dresses and all that stuff and were so excited last month #like idk i guess i just find it endearing #i think part of it is also that while these specific paths are thought of as common/default #there really is so much variance in life and really truly so many people not on those paths for so many reasons #which actually does loop around to making it seem strange #like truly how many people do you really know anymore who stayed at 1 job until they rose the ranks #who got married and had kids with that person and now they live in a house in the suburbs with some dogs and cats #like who does that anymore #meanwhile i think its just cool seeing kids actually experiencing growing up but in retrospect and not as a peer feeling confused & jealous #like woah youre a girl buying a dress and getting her hair done and texting a boy thats so wild ive never done that #or woah youre taking courses to prepare for college and know what degree youre going for #i no longer feel resentment that i felt left behind during all that shit when i was a teenager #im just happy for them and proud of them

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qcoded · 8 months

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Everyday I wish for a dynamic vaguely similar to The Collectors and Belos between two characters to appear because like

I'm going insane I can't hyperfixate on them forever RIGHT??? actually I probably can BUT PLEASEEEE

#ok rant time #because I have like 3 specific pairings I hyperfixated on #greg and rodrick #(which doesnt even count anymore)#im a fictive of greg and one of my headmates is just #yknow rodrick but shes actually regina because #transfem #and uhh david and max #and collector and belos so three #with all of them theres always two specific requirements #relationship between a young boy and older man #but with david w max and belos w collector it applies #and for them to have some sort of familial relationship #anyways what im trying to get here is #i havent hyperfixated on thise pairings with how i did with belos and collector #and thats the thing that irks me #BECAUSE LIKE REASONBLY I SHOULD BE HYPERFIXATED ON MAX AND DAVID #theyre the closest to the reason I like them so much #they can probabky have a canon parental relatiosnhip #BUT NO #i think its because colli and belos are a very percect mix #theyre between not canon but canon to what I love so much about them #their unhealthy and honestly toxic dynamic is what makes me froth at the mouth #thats canon #but the way I want them to just be like #on good terms and just nice stuff aint #with david and max what i like about them is practically canon #me and rodrick absolutely not canon #I COLD RANT MORR BUT I REACHED TAG LIMIT anyways tldr I love collector and belos they make me mentally ill and sad #q talks

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smithsparker · 14 days

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feeling so Empty rn yippee ! 👍

#its like my huge mountain of stress for this test has completely flipped and left me like . so relaxed that i cant do Anything #like im Not relaxed but . i just cant bring myself to . move . or do anything #my brain isnt quiet but theres so many random thoughts that i cant catch any of them for more than half a second #im just laying in bed staring at the ceiling . god i have to get up but . ugh #6 more hours . then i am free for a little while #but godd it's hard . i fucking hate the last term of every year i cant do Shit anymore #also its so fucking hot in my room im dying #man . :(#i feel like . i shld be happy rn . not really any reason to be Sad and Empty but here i am #okay whatever im gonna . try and have breakfast maybe itll help #sas.txt

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magicstormfrostfire · 1 month

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I miss being apart of things.

#ive been in hsr and genshin just observing fandom stuff #but not participating or writing or drawing anything like i do with Sonic #but idk it feels like theres nothing here for me in Sonic fandom anymore #i still love it but loving it by myself is boring.#ive been in the fandom for a decade and always will be but I just feel like im beating my head up against the wall #and all i think about is how much I wanna do but just cant find a reason to #the break isnt helpful #but idk what else to do #i might delete later #i just needed someplace to vent and my blog is really all i have

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bonestrouslingbones · 5 months

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goddammit all that LV worldbuilding has lead me to creating a scene in my head that now has me wondering if i have to put a plot-important sex scene in what will be a main-storyline arc instead of a fade to black or disconnected easily-skippable oneshot

#theres a point where the guy HAS to get some energy out and the bf is RIGHT THERE ...........................#sigh. a bit ago i made a lil agreement with myself that actual sex stuff wouldn't really be in the main plot outside of allusions #and that anything Real would stay in epilogue fics & oneshots #but now im like. man. there is something here that i can use!!!! but its like im still in the mindset of writing as a young teen!!!!#too scared to make other ppl uncomfortable with MY OWN DAMN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHEN will my brain catch up that other people finding selfcest weird is a skill issue on THEIR part fucks SAKE!!!!!!!!#laying facedown on the ground . as if thats not the entire reason i made this blog in the first place 😔#every time i go on atbb and the pinned rules reminds me of a time that is not necessary anymore #im GROWN NOW !!!! I NEED NOT RESTRICT MYSELF ANY LONGER #but my AUDIENCE..................#ppl said it was refreshing that i had selfcest where everything wasnt about sex and obv it still wont be but that is IN MY BRAIN FOREVER #AUUYHGHGHGHGH SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THIS 14 YEAR OLD OUT OF MY HEAD SO EDGE CAN FINALLY GET DICKED DOWN COME ONNNNNN

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robocops-a-christ-allegory · 5 months

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Whats a nice way to tell people that freaking out every time a massive corporation uses AI art and acting like THATS what shows they have no morals is silly.

#I dunno guys.#this is about the w/acom thing #Like is it just me or is it like....where was wacom getting the images-#-they used for their products before. Does it really matter theyre using AI generated stock photos now?#Also personally people have gotten so paranoid about AI I dont actually believe anythings #actually AI generated until someone admits it #Like Ill admit Im bad at being able to tell and I dont think staring at images trying to find #any inconsistency and taking that as proof the robots made it is like. actually a useful method here #I dont know I still am very apathetic to the 'its taking jobs from artists!' argument #Still of the stance those jobs were already gone/this was always #the direction the industry was heading #and people are focusing too much on the use of AI specifically as this grand evil thing #I do think it is gonna take jobs I dont know my point here is it still feels to me like #people are mad that theyre not gonna be able to be exploited anymore. If that makes sense.#Like these jobs already sucked and youre mad youre not gonna be able to be overworked instead of being mad about the way the industry like #Is. Like theres a reason these big companies are using AI it fits a trend but you just wanna focus on the AI use specifically. IF THAT MAKE #SENSE. SORRY.#Also not saying people should be thankful for AI taking their jobs Im saying talk about more then the fucking AI #Ok anyway

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backensicangel0647 · 7 months

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after discussing with qpp like philosophers, im thinking very much abt making a ramble blog (to anyone who cares)

(EDIT, twas in my q) @angeldigital92 hey... its here.. if you even care.... /j

#be quiet engel #another reason tbh is bc i outgrew instagram and i feel like posting there abt my insane shit just isnt the same #like for the very few who follow my priv insta is basically #ppl who im friends w who understand what im saying #ppl who are slightly if not older than me and rather watch actual shows then anime (anti me)#and then theres like. other gays who only fixate on “some” things and never like anythijg else other than THAT thing they like oh so much #insta is good if you have the right imgs i simply dont save imgs like that anymore + writing and placing txt kinda a nightmare #methought at least HERE i could write my shit put it in queue maybe and or post it and forget whatever i wrote #bc probably like. 3 ppl are gonna follow it #as my qpp said tho fr fr its very freeing and i knew that feeling when i was vent posting on insta and twitter and like #probably not gonna post vent but yk ill be goikg all crazy qnd stupid you just gotta understand me personally ig to understand my insanity #i might also delete this later or something idk ww

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toastsnaffler · 9 months

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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever #and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved #and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad #like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause #unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided #to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also #but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee #i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested #man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading #and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier #and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago #and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man #u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever #insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc #ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone #gn #.vent

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semercury · 9 months

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I don't want to be at work I want to be home writing some silly little words.

#stuff sarah says #jk id probably be working on an s+ run in re/4/r #(tryna not get picked up by tags)#but we finished the cle/on movie/mini series last night and it breathed new life into my fic idea #tbh i was sad there was just crumbs but i think thats all any shipper gets with this series #but i wanted to write this fic before i work more on my cringe fic bc its short #and i love instant gratification #and i have a title. its some fu/n. lyrics if that tells you the mood...#''if youre right here why do i miss you so much?''#and with ''now i just wait for you to talk to me but you wont even look at me baby'' as some ~flavor text~#came up with the fic by being like ''they should get smoothies together :)'' with the bestie #and now im gonna make it sad #babe if you see this i def will send you snippits as i write the rough draft #anyway. i dont want to be at work for a lot of reasons #it feels weird. theres too many people here tonight #and i think we're gonna get done super early with stuff we needed to do?#idk. id rather be home #i dont want to work anymore ever. i think i should be paid for having amazing takes on fictional characters #and being mildly interesting to talk to and being bad at video games but still having a good time #that last one is a real talent. real gamers take their L's #anyway

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homingpigecns · 1 year

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i get the ending of succession bcos i have siblings everyone else doesnt get it but i have siblings and i really really understand how it is to have them and the whole meaning of the whole show which is siblings . dont worry !!!!!!! its fine with them & it will be ok & they love each other . they are siblings ,

#im happy with it ...... i thought i would have to extreme copium and take s3 ending as my true canon but im highly skilled #i can cope from here ...........#shiv saved him from bcoming logan........ probably not for noble reasons......... but she saved him..........#its fine they are siblings . i know their future . i am the succession understander .#also a little tomgr*g side win for me . obsessed #brandon oscillates #spoilers #theres nothing for them to fight over anymore . they r friends now <3

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spearxwind · 1 year

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cleaned up talas’ playlist a whole bunch just now

#id like to cull more songs but some of them i cant really do without for one reason or anothe #i realized a lot of the extremely sad songs were not very fiitting anymore for a myriad of reasons which was nice to notice #some of them are but like. it is not as insanely dire as before #he has kind of been my stress ball guy this time around with my issues as opposed to adri himself. instead of recurring to venting through #violence i chose to vent through carrying immense weight which is more talas' thing.#which is a big reason why adri was missing from my blog for a good while #so if you were wondering. theres a reason #im literally out here holding these two guys hands and they helped me thru bullshit on two different accounts #thunderclap #hello it is incomprehensible no filter hours i suppose #anyway. it was really nice to clean up all the Accidental Coping songs from his playlist

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mattynmarns · 2 years

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also I just wanted to say that I feel safe with dnp like these guys and this community genuinely are my backbone and ill always love you guys and I'll always come back here because it feels like my home <3

#dnp have been around so long and they aren't super relevant anymore (in the nicest way possible)#so I feel like it's safe #and you all are fucking awesome #I've had my best and worst nights here #like this is the place where i came out #actually no. this is a crazy fun fact #leo danslaw himself was like half the reason I ever realized I was trans (thanks Leo if ur still here)#and simon was probably the other half haha (love u simon!!!!!)#and ioanna has always been such a great friend (I wear that phil merch all the time btw)#and allie of course is amazing and hilarious and I have so many good memories and you give me hope to come out and be queer + happy one day #and theres so many more but I just want you all to know I love you so much and you all are my backbone and my home #and thanks dnp <3 i don't watch you as much anymore but you and your community is amazing #heckin rants #that's where I'm ending tonight probably because I need something good today

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cryptid-moose · 2 years

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when u should rlly get off the internet for your mental health but you literally have nowhere else to go:

#woah its vent time #i am not okay right now <3 #my anxiety (specifically social anxiety) has gotten so bad the past week #literally two days ago i ended up going nonverbal both through text and words for like a couple hours for absolutely no reason #but i cant not be on social media cause i have nothing else to do irl #i dont have irl friends or an irl school and im in too much pain from halloween to walk to my grandmas #i mean its not that bad anymore but still ow my shins #besides idk if my grandma is even home cause she never contacts me #+ i dont rlly know my area so i dont rlly know if theres anything to do around here i dont think there is #so the internet is pretty much the only place i can go #and it has the only things i can do #so even tho getting off social media/the internet would probs do wonders for my mental health i pretty much literally cant :) <3 #so fun #so amazing #social anxiety #anxiety #memes #ig lol #forest fumbles #forgotten hill games are the only thing keeping my sanity together godbless <3

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doherty · 2 years

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i need to get back on my libertines bullshit bc WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY KISSED AND I MISSED IT???

#honestly the only reason im rarely here anymore is bc the tumblr app annoys me sm #also im obsessed with idles rn so theres that

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