Trying my best to figure out what these guys look like in my head before I go look at the fandom’s generalized designs for the characters.

A friend of my twin got us into the show and a week later we’re at season 8!

I definitely need to tweak Cole’s design a lot- I want him to have a more strongman build & revamp his entire face design. But at the very least I’m happy with getting his hair the way I want!

Kinda hard to see, but Zane’s got little screws for earrings! I honestly didn’t account for how much older the faceplate would make him look, I intended him to look way more boyish.

Rambling about my current HCs of the Ninja’s appearances below:

I’ve been having a bit of an trouble deciding what various flavor of Chinese & Japanese these dudes should be based on. Considering the show is based on a 2010s vague idea of “Asia” and carries traits of both Japanese & Chinese influence, I’m just going to use both. I don’t know what sorta general consensus the fandom has of their appearances bc I have barely interacted with the fandom, so if this violently contrasts with that then yippee I have original thoughts, I guess.

-Kai is Japanese. Kai, being vain and caring more about training than Jay for example, has a more aesthetic build that’s definitely form more than function. Like a natty powerlifter who’s not competing. I’m not sure what height he should be, but if he’s taller his muscle definition would appear smaller so I’ll have to keep that in mind.

- Nya has initially a more functional build- far less muscle definition than her brother. Not outwardly buff and doesn’t have pronounced muscles, but can fairly easily haul a 100lb hunk of metal from a scrap pile to her workbench. But after becoming the water ninja, her new training gives her more pronounced muscle definition. Initially shorter than Kai but grows taller as the show goes on.

- Cole is southern Chinese. He’s got a strongman heavy set build. I envision him as fairly short so his muscles can be a little more pronounced. If you stripped his muscle definition from his ninja training away, I still want him to look like one of assholes who haven’t worked out a day in their lives but still somehow looks jacked.

- Zane is what pops up when you look up “Chinese teen male stock photo” because he needs to look like The Most Generic person ever. No muscle definition at all on this dude. He’s a nindroid & so there’s no need to include muscle decision to show that he’s strong. He’s either average height or slightly on the shorter side bc gravity is a bitch and the taller make a humanoid robot, the more balance becomes a bitch to deal with. So average height or short Zane it is.

- Jay is Uyghur so I can get this dude his reddish-brown hair. Minor muscle definition. His isn’t for aesthetics like Kai, he’d rather do ninja training than do the types of sets & pushing to failure needed to achieve more pronounced muscle definition for aesthetic lifting. Jay needs to be shorter than Nya. He’s definitely taller than Cole but I need him to be just an inch shorter than Nya because that’s funny to me personally.

- Lloyd is Japanese. Solely because Oni come from Japan & I got spoilered that Gargamon is an Oni later. Lloyd is a stringy ass kid at first & has no muscle definition at all. During his Green Ninja training before the Travelers Tea, he’d be trained for efficiency & not for aesthetics with the deadline of him fighting his father possibly being around any corner. After Travelers Tea he likely kept his training to function over aesthetics and would share similar muscular definition to Jay & Nya. And he’s tall. His dad is tall as shit with 4 arms. I want this kid to go through the Worst gangly teen era anyones ever seen and only barely fit his form once he finishes growing.

Additional thoughts:

And as a big comic nerd who owns around 800+ comics (might be more around 1000 now?), hoo boy I have so many thoughts on Lloyd and Jay liking Starfarer. I cannot wait to make a fic that’s just Lloyd and Jay ganging up against Kai over some incredibly wrong take of the comic he absentmindedly said and trapping him in a 3 hour long conversation about frequent mischaracterization and mishandling of the characters in Starfarer & how what Kai said was wrong. I just need a fic of Jay and Lloyd talking to each other about their favorite runs of Starfarer and complaining about a tie-in/crossover comic that’s written particularly bad, or complaining how an author completely misunderstood Fitz Donnegan or complaining over an author change & etc. I just need to make a fic of these boys talking about average comic book fan things.

happy 11th anniversary ninjago??? that’s insane??? here r some doodles to celebrate lol

The Ninja’s Love Languages

For anyone who doesn’t know, the five love languages are...

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Gifts

Acts of Service

I had this idea last night at 4 am and i’m gonna try and make sense of it so here we go...

Jay

Physical Touch

-this one’s super easy

-hands down this is 100% jay

-when isn’t this boy clinging onto someone (esp. nya and cole)

-i mean just look (there’s so many more but i got lazy, feel free to add on)

-his first response to comfort/fear is a hug, a hand on shoulder, etc.

-and when you think abt it it makes sense

-cuz first of all just look at his parents, ed and edna

-the most affectionate and loving ppl on this goddam planet

-they showered him w/ undying love and support his whole life, ofc this kid’s gonna turn out the same

-but then if you also tie in his abandonment issues and fear of being alone and it makes even more sense

-we find out abt those mainly in s12 when he talks abt his birth parents to unagami, but looking at what happened to him in s6 when he was alone for so long on the misfortunes keep and nya dying to top it off...

-he lost all his friends not once, but twice (and that’s not including all the separate times the ninja have died) plus he feels like his birth parents abandoned him, w/o him even rlly knowing for sure what happened

-so it makes sense he’d be more comfortable showing his love by clinging onto someone, giving a hug, high-fiveing, etc.

- i hope this made sense i’m so sorry

Nya

Acts of Service

-this also makes sense

-we all know nya is a very independent person, and she doesn’t usually like all the touchy feely stuff

-this is especially shown w her and jay’s relationship

-( i didn’t want to make this all abt jaya i’m sorry)

-we know they both are two very different ppl.

-nya’s strong and independent, while jay is a lot more sensitive

-you’ll notice in the earlier seasons nya almost never initiated the affection w jay, he always the first to mention it, also coupled w the fact that she’s never told jay “i love you” (at least not yet) and we can pin this on her childhood

-she and kai didn’t have it great as kids, they basically raised e/o and the only times nya ever heard “i love you” was from kai

-so if she wasn’t used to saying it growing up, why would she immediately jump to it now that she’s a teenager/young adult? even w someone she does love

-she expresses her love in what she does and says.

-the main example i can think of atm is this

-jay’s freaking out abt catching her for the dance move and with 100% confidence she just says “i trust you” and then fucking yeets herself at him

-there’s other examples of this w the others too

-she builds their mechs and vehicles, back in the earlier seasons she always made sure the boys were taken care of when they got back from missions, she was always the cavalry, she sacrificed herself for jay back in s6 when they were at the lighthouse, and kai mentions she’s always taken care of him

-not to mention how she adopted lloyd back when he first came in

-i could go on

-does this make sense?? i hope it does

Cole

Words of Affirmation

-i had a little more trouble thinking abt cole but now that i’ve decided i’m pretty sure WoA suits him best

-cole didn’t have the best childhood either

-we now know his mom, Lilly, died when he was fairly young, judging by the flashback, i’d estimate around 10-13 y/o

-we know it wasn’t too long before wu found him

-and she showered him in love much like jay was

-just in the flashback she tells him how proud she is of him and how much she loves him

-(also look how quick he was to try and justify why he got in a fight to avoid getting yelled at when his mom mentioned him getting in trouble bc he didn’t want to disappoint her)

-now we don’t know what Lou was like before his wife died, but we know he was definitely not as loving towards cole afterwards

-Lou ignored Cole due to his grief most of the time, coupled w him wanting Cole to follow in his footsteps, and their relationship overall sucks until after the royal blacksmiths ep

-so it all falls the same that Cole would want to keep seeking out the words he got from his mother in his relationships w others (especially authority figures)

-just look at all the times he absolutely lights up when getting praised by wu or even the others

-plus thx to day of the departed, we know he’s afraid of being forgotten

-hearing the others say they love him and want him around would appease that

-staying on this train, we have...

Lloyd

Words of Affirmation

-i was tied between this one and acts of service, but then i decided

-lloyd’s life, esp his childhood, has absolutely sucked

-he was abandoned at a very young age at darklys which we know the other boys there weren’t kind, and then when he finally gets a home and a family, the weight of the world is now on his shoulders bc he’s a prophesied savior

-morro’s possession says enough on its own

-the list goes on

-then we get s8-s10

-harumi goes and absolutely destroys his trust in everyone and everything

-(after she told him she loved him)

-but also...

- then boom. yeeted through a wall

-he’s been abandoned, rejected, and used his whole life

-why wouldn’t this kid need words of affirmation??

-the other ninja have been the one staple in his entire life, and after everything he’s gone through, he definitely needs to hear that they love him and want him around every now and then

-this kid’s also emotional (who can blame him)

-he always puts all his cards on the table, more so in s11 and onward

-and we’ve seen how he always gives encouraging words to the others, mainly while they’re fighting

Zane

Quality Time

-i had trouble w zane’s too lol

-but i think this fits

-this nindroid is the purest being ever

-don’t get me wrong, zane can definitely be a smart ass and sassy when he wants to, he’s not all innocent, but u catch my drift

-let’s look at his past too

-he was all alone and by himself, he didn’t even know who he was until he found his true potential

-and he gets a family, ppl who live and care abt him

-then he sacrifices himself and dies

-when he was imprisoned on chen’s island, he was alone

-then decoded happens and we find out he’s got intense trauma from that

-he thought he was alone in his internal battle

-then boom

-he’s the fucking ice emperor. alone for decades, committing genocide

-and when he finally snapped out of it, that had to of destroyed him

-he’s spent so much time being alone and facing so much trauma, that he always gravitates towards being in groups

-we’ve seen him and pixal spend time working together in the workshop, he enjoys family meals and cooking for everyone, he’s been shown to not like it when the others occasionally fight, and an overall loving guy

-he prbly doesn’t realize it, but he’s the glue that holds everyone together

-this one was so jumbled

and last but not least...

Kai

Gifts

-now not only does this fit his personality, it also makes sense with his bad childhood

-we all know kai is a very cocky and prideful person. he’s always showing off, flaunting his good looks, and can be sometimes arrogant

-ofc under all that is a very kind and loving big brother and friend

-but bc of this he’d not only love getting gifts from fans and the others, but giving them as well

-kai, like nya, didn’t have a good childhood

-he’s not an emotional person and he was never used to saying “i love you,” instead he had to take care of his sister while trying to run a business

-his way of showing love is giving things for his family

-there’re aren’t many instances of this in the show, but the gift giving doesn’t necessarily have to be smthg physical

-he’s sacrificed himself for the others on several accounts, he offers advice when needed, giving pep talks, helping raise lloyd, he even helped jay propose to nya, those things can be considered as gifts too

(again i’m sorry if any of this isn’t coherent i just had some thoughts. pls feel free to add on if i missed smthg)

The point of this is that these kids love each other and have different ways of showing it💙💜🧡💚🤍❤️

Oh could u do Prue/Micah? S4

okay okay okay so we're doing all hallow's eve in early s3 micah's reincarnation does Not show up at the end of the episode because we're saving him for something bigger. but we'll say that something on a later vanquish a physical item triggers something in prue she's like hey does that remind you of anything?? and piper and phoebe are like ??? no? it's just a(n) [item]? and prue's like really? nothing? and they're like idk what does it remind you of and she's like i don't know... the past? samhain, maybe? do you think it's one of our ancestor's? and piper and phoebe are like prue i don't know can we get out of here??? and she's like yeah yeah but she takes it with her and like. uses her auction house knowledge to like correctly id it back to the time they were in salem (or not maybe idk but if it is from the past she realizes that a) either it was something micah owned or b) it was the knife that killed him. if it's neither of those than it's modern and she can't figure out what about it is calling to her). the plot is kind of dropped. then, we enter s4, the battle with the source is on the horizon cole is. we'll say still on their side, successful relationship with phoebe. cole is the first one to pitch going on the offensive, which prue is first to back, then phoebe, and begrudgingly piper. leo's still not a fan but phoebe gets a premonition of something something darklighter so let's stamp that out before it begins. so they shimmer down with cole to the underworld leo doesn't go with them bc well. a) he can't sense as well down there so he won't really be able to find them if they get separated which leads to b) of they're separated the girls have no way out of hell and as a sidenote c) he's a whitelighter. so if the darklighters get him they Also have no way out of hell. so leo stays topside and cole's their ride. something something something they're closing in on where the clan lives or maybe their weapons forge and there's a darklighter just outside piper blow him up no wait and prue like Jumps in front of her and piper quickly deflects and hits the cavern wall next to them and wants to yell what the hell prue but it's too late because all hell breaks loose the darklighters were there waiting for them the seer foresaw this so they all duck for cover prue throws a couple phoebe karate chops cole energy balls piper blows up em and will occasionally freeze the cavern for a couple seconds but she still doesn't have a hold on her powers, but phoebe while fighting one of them gets a premonition: leo, shot. and over the din she's like it's a diversion, they're gonna kill leo like we have to get to leo but they're all hella spread apart right now so in one of piper's freezes cole gets to phoebe and another the pair get to piper but prue's still to far away she redirects an arrow that nearly hits phoebe in the hed she's like there's no time go!! and they're like no!! but prue just squints at cole and cole understands and shimmers them out of there and we'll say the guy who she initially dove in front of was knocked out by like rocks from piper's blast well he's coming to and see's prue fighting for her life and like. you know just starts to stir and prue spares a glance at him and he recognizes her just like he did in puritan times and he's like ...you saved me and prue looks at him and again connection but she can't find the words to say because she has to get right back to kicking ass, we'll say an arrow flies right past her face like through her hair she ducks down again like can you get us out of here? and he just like barely sits up head cradled in one hand, he's bleeding, but he just nods and places his other on prue's shoulder and black orbs them out and now they're in like a loft in san francisco prue still in fight mode and micah still bleeding from a head wound and he just kind of collapses on the ground and prue's like !!! oh shit.

back @ the manor leo's just been shot and piper's running over like help me get him to the attic i'll swap our powers you guys get out of the house so you're not affected go get prue and leo's like ??? go get her and cole's like she's still with the darklighters and leo's like no she's topside she's in the city and they're all like how??? and piper's like who gives a shit how help me get him to the attic then give me some space so phoebe and cole wait in the outside lil backyard type thing they have maybe we get a phole scene piper swaps powers and heals leo but he's still weak and piper hear's prue's call and leo's like go i'm still too weak to heal and piper's i'm not leaving you not while they're out there and leo's like hey don't worry you're still with me right ad blows up idk a lamp and piper just kind of smiles like okay but if you're gonna blow anything else up try to hit that vase because i've always hated it

piper goes downstairs gets phoebe and cole like okay let's go get prue and she orbs them all out into this loft where prue has got this guy slumped over his table pressing a damp towel to his head but jesus that's a lot of blood and she's like leo thank g- where's leo and piper's like he's resting he was shot so i had to tap in. and prue's like you can heal? and piper's like uh huh and prue's like okay great heal him and piper moves forward and then stops because prue is that the darklighter? and prue's like yes but you don't understand and piper's like what part of healing a Darklighter don't i understand prue when they Just tried to kill my husband now you're trying to save him and prue's like come on doesn't he look familiar to you and piper's looking at him like ew bc she can hardly see past the bloodcovered face but phoebe wanders forward and cole instinctively tries to hold her back bc Evil but she just kind of shakes him off bc she knows what she's doing and cole relents and she puts a hand up to his shoulder and she's like it is him. and prue's lookin like exactly! and piper's like who??? and prue's like micah and he stirs at the sound of his own name and piper's like Who??? and prue's like don't you remember he saved our necks--literally--multiple times; he died for us and it's clicking piper's like In Puritan Times??? and cole kinda blanches bc he Might have killed that guy i can't remember and prue's like piper for the amount of times he's saved us, please, just heal him and piper's like you get that that was centuries ago right? a lot changes in a couple hundred years; he's a darklighter now and prue's like piper. please. and piper relents bc what can she say she trusts prue. and micah comes to and sees cole and stumbles back like hits the ground again and prue's like no no it's okay and he looks at her and it's like we can see his world fade around him and just focus on prue and his hand flies up to his head and finds no blood and prue's like it's okay, you're healed and micah's like so that'd be the second time you've saved my neck today? and prue's like consider it returning the favor and piper's like okay well I'm breaking up the balcony scene this time how did the darklighters know we were coming? and micah's like this woman. she visited us and said you were coming, you were leaving your whitelighter vulnerable... and they're like what woman and cole's like the seer. and micah just nods and he's like i've read about you, you know, what you've done, i was hoping i could get away to warn you before... and piper's like Why. Why would you betray your own people and micah's like because i can see what dark magic can do... and it can't be undone [to later be revealed tragic backstory!! micah was raised by his mother topside or maybe his father and we get a complex darklighter situation with his mom potentially even having her defect but no matter when micah was like. idk twelve or something?? there was this bully in school and we're trying to stay with charmed morality and justify this so we'll say this kid was like serial killer bad killed puppies for fun type bad and he was a bully and micah was standing up to him #feminism when they got into a fight and micah was losing like Really losing like about to be beat to death at age twelve losing when his hand started glowing red and he shoved it against the bully and next the you know that kid was fucking dead. micah had killed a guy before he had even gone through puberty. oof. anyways top ten defining moments tried existing on the dl but has also killed a couple other people and we'll keep them Bad murderers and rapists but it's still like you end up in a bar fight and then the next thing you know that guy is dead and it doesn't matter what a cunt he was it doesn't matter than you didn't mean to do it you just have a power you don't know how to control no all that matters is you're getting manslaughter at best unless you go with this man who claims to be your uncle who can teleport like you who has the same deathtouch who can teach you to control your power].

blah blah blah plot progression all that prue and micah fall in love relatively quickly because they can feel that tug in their souls (SIDE TANGENT: i've already said before i like wyatt as a reincarnation of melinda warren but what if prue was Also a reincarnation of melinda warren, ipso facto wyatt is also prue reincarnated retconning why they can't summon her spirit. 👀?) but but BUT the seer foresaw this she new micah would turn to the side of good so she planted something that blew up in a metaphorical sense so now they don't know if they can trust micah prue wants to trust him but she doesn't want to put her family in danger if he really is in league with the source phoebe is advocating for her to follow her heart and piper is Hard No against micah like even before like she really didn't want him around before this bomb dropped even more so now and prue's like okay what's your beef and piper's like he's not safe to have around prue he's a damn darklighter and prue's like you know you keep like using that against him leo doesn't even care why are you so hung up on this and piper's like leo's safety isn't the only one at risk here!! and prue's like what you have some secret whitelighter you haven't told us about?? and piper is just silent and stubborn and prue's still in fight stance until it clicks and she's like piper... and piper's like still not talking and prue's like piper,,, are you pregnant? and piper's like no you know what i shouldn't even have said anything forget you even heard anything and prue's like ???? piper this is great news why why didn't you tell us and tries to hug her and piper just ducks away and prue's like heart is breaking watching her like this because piper's like really maternal she'd be a great mom so why isn't she happy and piper just looks at prue like : ( i didn't tell you because this isn't the first time this has happened. and prue's like ??? and piper's like towards the end of s3,,, i thought i was. well, no. i was pregnant. and, um. i was scared, because of all the demon fighting and everything, but i was excited prue i was so excited to be a mom and then a couple weeks later,,, and gets all choked up and prue just pulls her into a really big hug like sweetie why didn't you tell us and piper's just crying like i don't know we already have so much with the source and with the fighting every day,, i didn't want you guys to feel like i did, you're already going through so much and prue's like honey You're Going Through So Much and just know we're always here for you forget the source and his sorry ass forget the seer nothing's more important that you okay nothing's more important and piper's just okay okay : ((((.

so anyways we vanquish the source for the midseason finale but now we have the seer the real mastermind as the s4b villain and she's got her eyes set on a great prized: a prophesied baby. in one episode prue and micah get knocked back into a past life regression where they keep slipping back further and further in time and they keep finding each other in each life but they need to get out of here and piper leo phoebe cole are on the outside trying to get them out because if they reach their first life their life where their soul was new and slip back further, there's no way to bring them back after that we're not killing prue lol but what that really does is just cements prue and micah's place together like In Every Life they had each other in one form or another they were always destined to find each other....... fin <3

anon asked: I HAVE SONG RECS :DDD I tried not to do songs that you would have obviously heard before but a lot of the songs here are still popular but I couldn’t help but add them 😭

AHHHH thank you so so so so much for all the recommendations anon ! your taste is absolutely impeccable !!! i think i vibed with a lot of these maybe we are a bit similar ^~^ and no worries about your picks ! i totally support you and your incredible music taste no need to defend yourself :p ! popular songs can still be good ones ! thank you again and i tried ... to ... get through them all i’m so sorry JHGFDJHGDK you’ll see i get through like ... half and then ran out of energy T^T i’ll probably get back to this list some other time when i have free time and update with thoughts ! thank you for sending so many in ! i found so many new songs to add to my playlist heh thank you lovely ! 

Pop

cherry by rina sawayama - super cute ! i love these kinds of pop songs it’s right up my alley :o ! 

xs by rina sawayama - her voice is so well suited for this style ! i watched the mv and djkfhskgrjf HHH idk she gives me mitski vibes even tho their music is pretty different, you have peaked my interest i’ll definitely look into more of her stuff :o !

comme de garçons by rina sawayama - the bass line T^T !!! the talk-y (?) parts are so good i got chills, it’s like a rave song low key haha :p ! it’s so good ! 

Any song by Rina Sawayama 😭 - yes yes i’ll try to look more into her stuff ! 

Kpop

123 by nct dream - i’m only an honorary guest of ncity but one of my irls ults them ! and dream’s music has always been a bit more my speed :o ! this has more nostalgic kpop vibes to it ! i said this before but i really am more a pop person at heart and this is so good ^~^ 

Up to you by pretty much and nct dream (HAECHANS PART HHHHH) - oooh are you a haechan stan 0v0 i like jaemin tho i admit my knowledge of dream is limited (my fren ults renjun heh) also yes yes consent is very important kids u.u dskjghkdfj YOU’RE RIGHT THO haechan is a singer he SINGS, i love the vocal harmonies ! 

Oasis by crush ft zico - those electric keyboard synths (?) amazing ! this song bops u.u 

Moon by everglow - !!! i actually have heard this a lot before ^~^ i got so excited when i saw this bc it’s so good ! it’s definitely one of my fav everglow songs too i think i overplayed it a lot when it first came out *v* 

Woowoo by dia - i love the ocean wave sounds ! that’s so cool i love how summery it is ! it kind of reminds me of loona too ! ggs are just >>> i love the fun and brighter pop songs so much 🥺

Secret garden by Oh My Girl - i’ve heard a few songs by omg ! and i really like a handful of them, secret garden kinda gives me early gfriend songs vibes too ! it’s so pretty ! i really love when songs utilize strings in their instrumentals too ! it’s a bit slower paced too which is really nice ^~^ 

Page by got7 - YEEEES okie actually maybe unpopular opinion but spinning top is one of my fav got7 albums ! i used to listen to the whole mini on repeat ! i actually used to ult got7 too for a few months heh ^^ BUT YEEES i love page ! got7 always have bangers love them so much 

Nekkoya by produce 48 - AHHHHH ANOTHER SONG I LOVE !!! i’m actually a wizone haha :p so i’ve seen produce 48 ! tho admittedly it probably contributes to my burning h*tred for mn*t and any survival shows ;;;; but i loved the title song so much ! i used to unironically play it on repeat djghskfj

Puzzle moon by gwsn - AHHHH YOUR TASTE !!! i also followed gwsn from debut and puzzle moon is so so so cute ! it’s such a bop too ! they have such fun and catchy songs ! 

Goblin by sulli - ahhh the xylophone chimes ! they make the song sound a bit haunting before the piano comes in ;;;; it really reflects the mv story so well i think ;;; and sulli’s voice is so beautiful ;;;; it’s got that characteristic background vocal harmonies that sm artists usually do and it’s just really beautiful ! 

What are you up to by kang daniel - today on can you tell jess is unfortunately a bg stan daniel’s songs have been so good :,)) i stopped following all the wanna ones closely after a while but ! he always surprises me ! his songs are such vibes u.u 

Best day ever by yeri and nct dream - the TRUMPETS YEEES it’s so upbeat and fun !!! the cheering is so cute i love it ! 

Hair in the air by yeri and nct dream - JAEMINNNNN !!!! I LOVE YERI SO MUCH PLEASE ! i love the vocal harmonies between her and the boys 🥺 it’s so cute T^T ! renjun’s a singer HE SINGS 

119 by nct dream - ah yes this is ncity brand u.u LOL they always have really filled chorus instrumentals and use a lot of vocals to fill up the space which i think is really cool and something i think immediately screams sm artist :0 ! i think renjun’s voice really sells this for me tho HIS VOICE IS AMAZING him and haechan yeees it’s a banger tho :,) 

Save me save you by wjsn - i love wjsn’s music so much ! it sounds so magic and ethereal and totally bops ! their voices are so beautiful too and work together so well and i think this song’s style really suits all the members’ voices so well too ! 

Loonatic by loona - YEEEEES loona are my ult gg ! and oec is probably my fav unit in terms of music ! i have spent many a day playing their whole discography ! haha :3 

Up by izone - MY GIRLS ! yes yes up is so cute ! i love it so much ! the choreo is so cute too ! i love izone please ;;;; 

N/s by stray kids - oh boy okie ;;;; i’m like not a good judge of a lot of hip hop / more rap heavy songs ;;;; bc i was classically trained as a singer in choir ;-; so i’m sorry i do not have much to say about this one ;;;; it slaps tho ! i probably wouldn’t listen to it normally if you hadn’t recommended it tho so ! good to listen to smth outside of my normal preferences  

Sunshine by straykids - OH very very different from the last skz song KJHGKFJHKD yea this is probably more my speed i’m so sorry LOL T-T it’s so good tho :o ! i don’t listen to a lot of skz bc i figured i wouldn’t be able to vibe with them but this one is so good i really like it ! skz and ateez man i’ve been trying to stan for ages but music is a big part of why i stan /stan/ certain groups more seriously and it’s also why i’m only honorary nctzen lol clearly i have been enlightened (literally *looks at my past ult groups* yeaaaa)

Blueprint by stray kids - YEEES IT’S SO UPBEAT ! i love upbeat and brighter songs (i am consistent like this T-T) it’s got summery tropical vibes to it too ! it’s so cute ! 

Question by stray kids - another banger yeeeees ! i vibe with the lyrics too u.u love that 

Any mixtape by stray kids (but I really love 1 and 4) - oooh i still have a lot to get through so i’ll save these for my own time haha ^^ 

I’m your girl by khan

Revolution by Alexa

Secret by wjsn

I wanna be by key and soyeon

Handle it by twice

Teenager by got7 

Take by jus2 (CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS ENOUGH)

Bump bump by woodz

Stylish by loona - this is one of my fav loona b sides yeeees !!!! love them so much ! 

Outta my head by somi

Jpop

showersnow by orbit

show off by orbit

crazy love by orbit

any orbit song ngl 😭

poison girl by nanaka suwa

lost umbrella (I like the tsukishima kei version cause it sounds like lee know :DDD)

Notice by moe shop

Kawaki wo ameku (domestic girlfriend opening)

The day by porno graffiti (my hero academia opening 1)

Odd future by uverworld (my hero academia opening 4)

Again by yui (full metal alchemist brotherhood opening 1)

More English music

Luxury by azalea banks (Ive heard she’s said some terrible things tho 😭 WHY DOES IT SLAP)

Hurricane by Bridget Mendler (I miss this song and ready or not too 😭)

Little dark age by mgmt

I got a couple one direction recs bear with me here 💀

Happily, Magic, AM, 18, Tell Me a Lie, Through The Dark, Wolves, Night Changes, Better Than Words

Hip-hop/rnb

Leaked by lil tjay

Pretty little fears by 6lack and j cole

Water by joe gifted

The London by young thug

Bands by shoreline mafia

Swervin by a boogie wit a hoodie

Father stretch my hands pt 1 by Kanye west

More English music (indila is French)

Northern lights by kennie

I am not a robot by marina

Tourner dans le vide by indila

Parle a ta tete by indila

Greek tragedy by the wombats

Viva la vida by Coldplay (SHHHHH DONT ROAST ME)

La da dee by Cody Simpson (SHH IT MAKES ME HAPPY 😭)

Move your body by loving caliber and anders lystell (this ones good to make u feel like an early 2010’s movie protagonist :D)

Mariposa by Peach tree rascals

Sunflower by post Malone and swae lee (like many songs on here it’s popular but I still wanna put it here cause they make me happy 😭)

I got really carried away sorry I hope you haven’t heard too many of these 😭😭 OKAY BYEEE ❤️

Ninjago/Avatar au Pt6

The second half of Book 2 (hopefully)

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

So Garm finally reads the letter from Wu. It starts off as a normal pseudo-journal entry, but after it mentions finding the Garms old armor, but no body, it turns into more of a normal letter. Wu says that he’s missed his brother since he was banished, and that he hopes that they’ll be able to see eachother again soon if Garm is alive, and ends with Wu saying that he normally burns the letters he writes to Garm, so that no-one else finds them, but that he feels hopeful that this one could actually get to him. It’s touching stuff.

Lloyd picks up earthbending almost immediately, unlike Aang. The element Lloyd is going to struggle to learn is fire (if you don’t count his airbending being self-taught. He picked up airbending really, really fast, but bc he’s been making stuff up and trying to do what Maya did with her waterbending [Maya’s had decades to hone her style tho, not just three-ish years, but he’s like someone learning ballet only from YouTube, for only a couple of months] since there are no more airbenders [or so they think, bc none of them saw Morro airbend at the North Pole]), and I’ll get into why that is when it comes up. They haven’t had Garm start to teach Lloyd any firebending bc they’re trying to go in the order as much as they can, but Garm has finally convinced Kai to learn more than just the basics, and he picks it up really quickly.

Meanwhile, Morro is taking care of an injured Wu (and accidentally making him suffer through poorly-made tea). Now, Morro is onboard with Wu wanting to leave the Fire Nation behind; unlike Zuko, Morro isn’t trying to win back the favor of some distant parent, the only family he’s ever known is Wu, and he’s not about to abandon Wu for a bunch of people who would probably kill him as soon as they could no matter what he did for them, and Harumi made it clear that no-one in the Fire Nation is going to be extending them any mercy.

Once Wu wakes up, Morro does yell at him for doing something as stupid as taking a hit from a well-trained firebender to protect a stranger (Wu hadn’t gotten around to telling Morro ‘hey, you know that guy with the big burn scar who’s traveling with the Avatar? That’s my dead-but-not-really-dead older brother. Pls stop trying to stab him’, and Morro wasn’t there when Garm revealed his identity in the North Pole), until Wu tells him that Garm is his brother. This leads to Morro yelling out ‘You mean to tell me that the Avatar is my cousin?!?!’ And that how Wu learns that Lloyd is Garms son (’wait, what?’ ‘Have you really gone this long without noticing that the Avatar calls your brother his dad?’ ‘I’ve had a lot on my mind, give me a break!’), and now he thinks that Garm and Maya are married with three kids, one of whom is the Avatar.

They make their way to Ba Sing Se, with the help of the White Lotus. Wu isn’t the leader of them (he isn’t super old in this au, imagine what he looked like in S9, with the mustache), but he is a fairly respected member. I still haven’t come up with a Jet character who would work, and I am open to suggestions. If I do find a good character, they will definitely throw hands with Morro (mb Shade? Just cut out the romance subplot in S1 and pick a couple of EM’s to be the other freedom fighters?). And yes, Wu does get his tea shop in the upper ring (Steep Wisdom), and Morro tries to be happy and supportive, but even though he is fine leaving the Fire Nation with Wu, it does still feel like he wasted years of his life, both in chasing the Avatar and just trying to prove himself to everyone back in the Palace, so he’s pretty grumpy.

Now back to Team Avatar: at Maya and Garms insistence the kids have been picking out their little mini-vacations. They know that they only have a limited amount of time before the comet arrives, but Garm and Maya want these kids to be able to be, y’know, kids, at least a little bit, in spite of the fact that they’re growing up in a war-torn world. Kai want’s to check out that glacier-spring place by the desert, it’s kinda underwhelming, but they get fruity drinks out of it. This whole time Kai and Cole have been getting closer to each other. Kai feels a little guilty, like he’s betraying Zane’s memory, but talking to Maya and Garm about it does help him start to feel better, and it helps his over-protectiveness start to abate a little.

Jay wants to pick a really cool mini-vacation to impress Nya, and he asks the people who are in the glacier place if there’s any place around those parts, and ends up learning that about a year ago some lady showed up saying something about a huge spirit library in the desert that she was looking for. They never saw her again after that, and figure that she must have died out in the desert. When pressed (and payed) one of the artistically inclined staff members roughly recreated the sketch of the library, and vaguely remembered the area on the map she said she was going to search, and with that Jay has his mini-vacation picked out.

They set off and find the library. Cole chooses to stay outside with Ultra (who can’t fit inside) bc he thinks they’ll be safer if the only earthbender stays outside incase something goes wrong, and if they need to get out of there fast he’d only slow them down with his legs. Everybody else heads into the library and meet Wan Chi Tong (did I spell that right? I’m too lazy to check), who agrees to let them use the library if they 1) don’t intend to use the contents of the library against anyone else and 2) contribute something to his library.

Lloyd and Nya both use their wanted posters (they both thought they were awesome [Lloyd bc he’s 13 and Nya bc you can’t convince me that Nya wouldn’t be thrilled to have a wanted poster bc she’s been fucking with a tyrannical regime] and incredibly accurate considering the art had to have been done by someone using other people’s descriptions, and they totally intend on framing and hanging at least a few of their posters up in their rooms when all this is over), Kai has a copy of a poem that Zane wrote for him, Garm has his brothers letter (he doesn’t want to give it up, but he has nothing else), Jay has a blueprint from one of his inventions, and Maya has a copy of a story in a series that Koko had brought back to the South Pole over the years. Wan Chi Tong comments that about a year ago a researcher had arrived and had offered him another part of the the same series. He mentions that they should be careful, as she never left, and has been primarily researching the Avatar.

Everyone has an idea of who this mysterious researcher could be (except Jay), but they decide to be cautious all the same, just incase she isn’t who they think she is. They all start discreetly searching for anything that could be used to help them fight the Fire Nation, and they end up finding and empty placard saying something about ‘the Darkest Day in Fire Nation History’, but when they go to check part of the section on Fire Nation (that library was enormous, y’all cannot tell me that Zhao was able to destroy absolutely everything that the library had on the Fire Nation. It could only have been the last few decades/mb centuries of Fire Nation history), as well as a campsite that was full of scrolls having to do with the Avatar and different bending techniques (and a few misc scrolls about random things like cooking, engineering, etc). As they’re poking around the campsite, who else comes around the corner but Koko!

She has her nose buried in a scroll as she’s walking, so she doesn’t notice them all until Lloyd happily calls out ‘Mom!’, and goes in for a hug. Koko drops the scroll and has a happy reunion with her son and husband, as well as with Maya, Kai, and Nya, and she and Jay are introduced to each other. Koko explains that she’s been able to stay in the library so long was bc she managed to get the fox assistants to like her enough to start bringing her food and water. She also explains that she’s been doing nonstop research into the Avatar State, the Air Nomads and airbending, and the Fire Nation (though she’s really quiet about that part so they don’t catch Wan Chi Tongs attention and ire) and shows them that planetarium thing and that she discovered the eclipse. (How did she make it out to the library without a flying companion or something? SHe’s just that much of a badass.)

Koko had been saving up supplies and charting a course out of the desert, and planning to leave the library as soon as she could, but now that they’ve showed up with Ultra she can just grab her things and go. Someone, probably Jay, gets a little too vocal about how they have a chance to beat the Fire Nation, and cue Wan Chi Tong sinking the library and trying to add them to his ‘collection of specimen’. Garm and Koko are a dynamic duo, with Garm distraction the angry spirit while Koko gathers all of her scrolls and supplies together while Maya gets the kids to the exit.

Meanwhile, Cole is holding up the library, and trying to help Ultra fend off the sandbenders that showed up to capture and sell the dragon. Cole is able to put up a bit more of a fight than Toph was (meaning that he was able to get one or two good hits in) bc being in the desert doesn’t impair his vision (the sand does tank his mobility just as much as it would anyone with prosthetic legs tho), but he isn’t able to stop them or even hold them off long enough for everyone else to get out. Cole, despite being initially afraid of the large dragon, had quickly grown to be one of Ultras favorite people in their group (like, third favorite. Kai will never admit that he’s jealous), and is pretty upset that he wasn’t able to save him. More on Ultra later.

So Lloyd is really upset about losing his companion, just as much as Aang was. He doesn’t act out (for lack of a better word) as intensely as Aang, since Ultra wasn’t the last thing he had left of his people like Appa was for Aang, but Lloyd is still rightfully pissed off. He takes off shakily on his glider, leaving everyone behind before trying to search for Ultra and the sandbenders, ignoring his families protests. Koko starts working on getting them out of the desert using the route she had plotted out (using the sun and shadows to orient them and get started in the right direction), and starts planing out how long her food and water (she had the good sense to bring those from the library) will last between all of them. The answer is: not long enough.

Kai (and mb Jay too) is the one who has the bright idea to drink the cactus juice, bc while Kai, like Sokka, (and Jay tbh) is smart enough to know that drinking a strange liquid out of an unfamiliar plant is a bad idea,but the fact that it is a stupid idea doesn’t stop him. Wait, y’know what? Jay definitely tries the cactus juice, but instead of acting as out-of-it and inebriated as Kai does, he acts like he does in S9, weirdly chill and disconnected from reality. He’s still tripping balls, but he’s reacting to it differently from Kai. Cole just ends up carrying Kai piggy-back, even though the sand makes it harder for him to move (he’s crushing, and he’s the only one [adults included] whose physically strong enough to carry him for long periods of time) (also Kai awkwardly and drunkenly flirts with him. Everyone pretends not to notice for Coles sake) and everyone else takes turns holding onto Jays wrist and leading him through the desert or else he would have wandered off and died.

Lloyd gets back to them, landing hard in the sand, holding back tears bc even though he’s upset and could use a good cry he knows that they need to conserve as much water as they can. He’s got his family there to comfort him (even if Kai and Jay are kinda incapacitated atm), which does help him a bit, but he’s still rightfully upset. They find the abandoned sandbender skipper thing, find the vulturewasp hive, and come across the sandbenders. Cole is able to pinpoint the sandbender (no idea who this guy would be, Ninjago character wise) who lead the others to take Ultra via his voice bc Cole a) was trained in a myriad of performing arts thanks to his father, primarily singing b) has perfect pitch and c) never forgets a voice bc of that.

Lloyd goes full Avatar State, but is comforted and calmed down by his parents while everyone else books it. The sandbenders tell them that they sold Ultra to some guys who were going to take him to Ba Sing Se, and then they take them out of the desert (with the sandbenders getting the Death Glare from all of Team Avatar the whole way. Koko totally punches the sandbender who lead the others to steal Ultra once they’re out of the desert.)

They make their way to Ba Sing Se on foot, with Lloyd trying to get a handle on his emotions (and worrying everyone in the process), and they run into a family with an expecting mother/wife (I am also taking suggestions for who these characters could be. I’m pretty tired while typing this so I can’t think of anyone) and try and get on a ferry to Ba Sing Se. Cole, whose father is well known and wealthy, uses that fact, his double amputee status (he ‘accidentally’ slips out of one of his prosthetics. Kai catches him before he hits the ground), and his acting skills to get them tickets without passports.

And we get best girl Pixal back! She helps Team Avatar help the pregnant family go through the Serpents Pass, and it goes pretty similar to cannon, except instead of a situation where Sokka is overprotective of Suki, Jay picks up on how much Pixal likes Nya, and sees that Nya, his crush, reciprocates those feelings, and gets a bit passive-aggressive w/everyone, but Pixal especially. It doesn’t last long, bc Jay is a hormonal teenager who realizes he’s being a dick fairly quickly, but it does help fizzle his crush on Nya a bit (sorry again to any hardcore Jaya shippers who were hoping for that in this au, but it’s really not my cup of tea).

They also help deliver the couples baby, but Maya and Koko are the ones helping take care of that. Team Avatar get to the outer wall, just to see a huge Fire Nation drill heading closer and closer to the wall, ready to start tearing through it...

High key sad ask, but how do you think it went when/if Ruben saw his mom and sisters again and they now know that ‘yeah that guy you sent me away with so easily kidnapped and tortured me’ I’m just in the mood for guilty family feels :(

ohhhh, oh no! (minor content warning for talk of torture/ptsd stuff bc ruben)

well. so i’ve got it in my timeline that what happens afterjamaica  is that when ian returns from jamaica he plays it so that jason thinks ruben is dead. works out best for ian that way – jason won’tgo looking for ruben to get rid of ian any more, ruben’s there if/when iandecides he’ll be useful to him, and he correctly figures that jason isn’t going toturn himself in unless he absolutely has to. 

unlucky for them, josh finds outthat jason was on the plane with ruben, and after that jason is pretty muchcornered into confessing to what he believes to be ruben’s murder. ruben’sfamily, of course, are kept in the loop about all of this. so for about anothermonth after that, before ruben is found and brought back home, his family justhave to live with thinking that the guy they all had dinner with straight upkilled him. and without a body and without jason even being able to say exactlywhat happened, they don’t even really understandit because let’s face it, this whole thing is a confusing, complicated situation. but that’s reallyhard for them to live with: that was the last time they saw ruben alive and, as far as they know, the last time they’ll ever have seen him.

his mom especially thinks about it all the time,thinks about how he’d said “ma, you don’t understand-“ and she’d just shushedhim and sent him on his way. god, she didn’t understand. she thinksabout that at the memorial and every time she looks at her heartbroken, hurtingdaughters and wonders whether she ever understood any of her children at all if shemanaged to miss that, and what else she might not see until it’s too late. she thinks about it every time she stands in ruben’s childhood bedroom, crying over his baby pictures, thinks about it while she’s clearing out his apartment and when she’s lying awakeat night wishing he’d just come back home so she could tell him that she’ssorry, that she should have listened harder, seen what he was trying to say.

then he does come back, of course. and she still wants totell him that she’s sorry. but there’s so much already going on – he’s unwell to thepoint of delirious when he first gets back, he can’t talk about what happenedat all, his only two modes are either violent flashback or so dissociated he’s practically comatose. enough of his own problems without dealing withhis family’s guilt. when do you find the right moment to apologize for that? how do you apologize to someone who can barely even hear you speaking to them?

the trial is hard for them all. it’s the first time theyhear the story in full, with ruben’s perspective on events. it takes weeks to get through, but by the end of it they know exactly what happened to ruben in jamaica, and they also know that by the timeian was at their house, he’d already tried to kill ruben at least once. earlier that same week, maybe that same day had gagged him and strapped him to ahospital bed and shoved a needle in his arm and left him there.

estefania remembers the person she thought was jason coleshowing up at their house a short while before ruben arrived, how she’d said that ruben doesn’t often bringfriends back because he’s so busy. how jason – ian – had laughed and with abright smile said, “you’d have to tie him down and lock him in the basement to keephim out of that  lab of his,” and she’dlaughed too.

she has to run out of the courtroom at the memory of that, stands out inthe cool spring air breathing heavily and trying not to be sick. he’d known exactly what he was saying. hewas laughing about it, at her, at ruben. did he laugh after what he did to her ruben in jamaica, too?

they didn’t talk about it after. the trial was somuch to deal with, and there was so much going on. they all feel a little guilty that it’s easier for them after ruben moves to new york - he starts doing better, being more independent, and so they havespace to look at their own trauma without feeling like they should all befocused on helping him get better. all three of them, estefania and the girls,end up in therapy themselves. everyone in that family has PTSD now, to more orless of an extent. the girls never bring friends home from school any more –halfway because it’s too hard to trust anyone, halfway because they know that ifthey do then they’d be under such suspicion. they’re all very private now, from the outside world and in many ways from each other.

ruben, for his part, does actually blame them a little. he feelsterrible about it, because he loves them and they’ve done so much for him. he didn’teven tell his old therapist about it. he doesnt wantto blame them, he wants to just blame ian, keep it all nice and straightforwardand clear. but he can’t help it: he tried to tell them as much as he could without spilling the whole story, he said he didn’t want to go out, he thought it waspretty fucking obvious that he didn’t want to go anywhere with ian, and there’sbeen a lot of times especially when he was still in jamaica that he wonderedwhy the hell they couldn’t read that, how little they must understand him evenafter knowing him his whole life. how his mother always says things like sheloves him how he is, but the first chance she got she was willing to overlookevery red flag and ruben’s own preferences to see him go out and be “normal”with a friend. none of it is that simple, of course, and he knows it isn’t, butthere’s enough of an element of truth to it to make it very difficult to shake.

there’s a lot of things theyhaven’t talked about just waiting there, that they’re trying to ignore becausethings are a little better now, everyone’s a little happier now, and nobodywants to be the one to disturb the fragile sense of recovery. i think ruben has a stronger sense of his recovery when it’s just him by himself, but while in a way this brought them closer as a family there’s also such a weight of grief and guilt and everyone’s trauma that when all of them are together the progress he’s made becomes less clear, less certain, because it reminds him of how many things there are still left to deal with for all of them.

but estefania is selling the house soon, wants out ofphiladelphia and especially out of the place where that man sat and ate theirfood and they all laughed at his jokes, just days before he dragged ruben tothe middle of nowhere and tortured him. i imagine that it’ll be once they’re intheir new place then a whole lot of suppressed stuff is gonna come out. that’s how PTSD works sometimes: often it’s only when you’re actually safe that you suddenly start to process the extent of what happened and really feel the fear of it. and thatit’s going to be very messy, but god knows all of them need it.

I don't really like Phole as a ship but I think Cole as a character had a lot of potential and I'm mad that it was never, at any point, handled well. so I'm curious, how would you have rewritten Cole's story so that he might still be redeemable and a character you can root for? granted, you would probably have to rewrite it from the very beginning but I'd love to hear your thoughts if you're up for it

yeah cole is like a very difficult character to work with bc in charmed evil isn’t a thing you do it’s a thing you are, and if you’re a demon, congratulations! you’re evil. But we did get brendan rowe in season one who was like a warlock but was trying to not be a warlock and again it’s this human half that is a loophole in the black and white morality clause and he got to be a good person in the end. the difference between brendan and cole was that brendan refused to take anothers life (extending this to bugs too??) and moved to become a man of the cloth to escape evil’s hold on him. cole on the other hand actively worked to surpress his human half and spent like over a hundred years being undeniably evil. so like. have you even given us a character worth redeeming? the countless lives he’s stolen and evil he’s brought to the world..... it’s a lot to undo. and that’s always really been the main source of my beef with cole is that he was undeniably a horrible person for OVER A HUNDRED YEARS. like the body count man. it’s really difficult to make him a good person. it’s really difficult. it’s not not doable, but it has to be a grueling processes and really explore who he was who he is and who he’s trying to become. when never really got much acknowledgement of any of that (who he was: belthazor. who he is: cole. there’s a difference (?) he’s in love with phoebe. who he’s trying to be: a good person so phoebe stays in love with him. it’s so surface level man it’s i don’t i don’t like it)

and like i’ve been think about demon redemption arcs a fair amount bc i definitely want to throw a demon character into my fic i’ve got my ideas and lil plans and all that but like it’s still like. really difficult to justify the taking of a human life to those sworn above all to protect it. i’m not objectively against characters who have killed people. but if you want to integrate a character who has killed people into charmed?? honey you’ve got a big storm coming. and honestly? the easiest strategy is to ignore it. chris killed a valkyrie in the s6 premiere (three valkyries??) and rather than attempt to justify the cold blooded murder of good beings, the show just ignored it. which, imo, was the best strategy for that situation (and then went on to sprinkle in him being disgusted/scared/horrified of bianca shanking a demon in chris crossed to show him sorta as this morally good figure, in hopes that we had forgotten that he had done worse. and uhh i think we all did!! i did at least). phoebe & paige are technically responsible for the death of rick the criminal, turning him into chris knowing Full Well he would be killed by demons, when they could have easily just orbed his ass back to prison. how to we deal with this? we don’t. so like, quick fix on cole’s redemption arc? cut black as cole. turn a blind eye to his past. leave it in the shadows. pretend like he’s never killed anybody. if they wanted to redeem cole this is the easiest way and in no manner stands against the moralities they have already set up. but if you wanna do it proper

cut the age gap. having cole already over 100 just leaves to much murky area. it’s also like never used in any interesting way like he never is like oh yeah [cool/important event] i was there he’s just sorta. old. for no reason. so get rid of it. just make him thirty. don’t make him an upper level demon. you can make him the son of an upper level demon so he has upper level demon qualities / powers, but having him essentially the source’s right hand man, a legendary demon and all that,, it’s just. there’s no way you hold that position without being cruel beyond words. evil in ways you can imagine. getting incredibly creative with how horrible you can truly be. you’ll never get a character like that as a “good guy”. they can be sick as fuck antiheroes or morally neutral/dubious characters, but if they’ve already committed that much evil, you can’t get them to be good. especially not charmed ones good. so like, you can have him half demon, but don’t make him a good demon. have him be raised by his human father until he’s captured and taken in by demons. he has a strong survival instinct and works to blend in with other demons, but he’s always secretly working for an escape. he’s charismatic and clever so demons like him, but they do sort of regard him as a bit of a coward, because he’s never actually killed anybody. so when he volunteers to kill the charmed ones, everyone considers it a bit of a joke. but he comes to them with a strategy. he’s human, and while that might be a weakness, it can also be a strength. he knows how to act human, he knows how they work. he can blend in, and work his way into the lives of the charmed ones like no demon ever could. so the demons are like okay. i’ll bite. but first you need to prove your mettle. kill somebody and we’ll approve your mission. and cole’s like okay bet bc he’s like i bet i can find somebody shitty and then, once i’m approved for the mission, i can actively work my way into the lives of the charmed ones and then get protection from them. and the demons are like oh lit bc we have the perfect person for you to kill and cole’s like oh uh i thought i’d just go out and kill somebody and the demons are like no need : ) we already grabbed the guy you can kill him right now : ) and cole turns around and his father is dragged in. so now we have this moral complexity because cole only wants to do this so he can be safe, so he can be human, but at the expense of his father’s life? and it’s this moral conflict and it seems like he will and then it seems like he won’t and then he looks into his father’s eyes and he seems not fear or desperation, but acceptance. and cole does it.

and now it’s more important than ever that his mission succeeds, because if he can’t gain the charmed ones favor, if he can’t gain their protection, then his father died for nothing. he killed his father for nothing. so he poses as a da, bc that’s obviously a good guy, right? he can work with the charmed ones, as a good guy, until they trust him and work with him and then he can come to them begging protection, after he’s already established himself as a someone who’s good. and he doesn’t actively seek a relationship with phoebe bc he’s worried that if he enters a relationship with a charmed one and then reveals himself as a demon, it won’t go over well. so he’s still at war with himself with his relationship with phoebe, but in the end, he caves, because he loves her.

after he reveals himself as a demon, begging himself for the charmed ones protection, prue is ready to kick his ass, because he’s a demon, and demons are intrinsically evil. they’ll to whatever it takes to achieve their goal, kill whoever they need to to get what they want. and cole sours at this because he can’t help but remember his father. he killed him to get what he wants. is prue right? but phoebe’s like no, he’s good, i know him, he’s good. but now cole’s really like, am i? and phoebe’s like i love you and i believe you and i trust you but now cole’s pulling away. and we get to see proper emotional turmoil over this and his evil act and he has to grapple with the death of his father and he has to tell phoebe what he did and then she is properly horrified but she loves him and he loves her and they commune with his father’s spirit blah blah blah his dad forgives him tells him he’s proud he made it out and he wants what’s best for him so on and so forth and then he uses his insider info on the demon world to help the charmed ones everyone lives happily ever after

since it’s late n u guys have been so encouraging

i wanna preface this by saying....im not a Writer and this is pretty much the first wrestling-related thing i’ve ever written. also this was written at 3 am yesterday so pls keep that in mind ALSO it’s not very. romantic bc 1.) im not good with that stuff and 2.) it’s kinda covering the early stages of their relationship so they’re barely even friends yet! (this takes place right before war games!)

that being said thanks for being so nice abt it guys ur all the sweetest and i love u and i’m sorry this isn’t Better but constructive criticism would be appreciated! mwah!

Pete tapped his fist against his jaw in a needless effort to hype himself up.

The guaranteed brutality of his upcoming match didn’t faze him—brutality was his specialty, after all— but despite that, he couldn’t shake off an uncomfortable feeling.

Maybe it was the thought of having to rely on others for his victory, or maybe it was the thought of them relying on him. Neither were things that he was exactly used to.

He wondered, when the time came, if he would put himself in harm’s way for the sake of the others.

Pete thought of the last time he had relied on someone. It was ironic in a way, how the same person he had tentatively began to trust would be one of his opponents tonight.

He had never really thought of Roderick as a friend, just a sort of unavoidable ally. His eagerness had been irritating as was his general disposition, but Pete had chosen to put his trust in him. A choice he’d come to regret.

He liked to believe that the betrayal had made him all the more dangerous now. Not only could he use his desire for vengeance to his advantage, he’d also be sure not to make a mistake like that again.

Pete had operated just fine on his own for as long as he could remember. There were a select few times where he’d tried opening up, and each time he paid for it. It took a few experiences for the lesson to be drilled into his brain, but at least now there was no way he could forget it.

He should stick with what he knew best, and what he knew best was solitude.

Keep interactions short and bitter. You look out for one person, and that person is yourself. Everyone else is simply an obstacle or dead weight.

It was a philosophy he lived by, and one he truly believed in. There just happened to be times where he’d let it slip and thought maybe, just maybe, someone could be an exception. But they never were.

A steady knock on the locker room door disrupted his thoughts. A faint feeling of pain registered in Pete’s jaw as he realized he’d been tapping his fist against it this whole time. Before he could say anything, the door opened and Ricochet’s head popped in.

“You got a minute?”

Pete didn’t answer, he just raised an eyebrow when he noticed something in Ricochet’s hands. It looked like a tube of toothpaste.

Ricochet followed his gaze and held up the object, wiggling it in his hand. “Oh, this? Yeah, it’s kinda why I’m here, actually.” He walked up to Pete and held it out to him. Pete read the label, which only confused him more.

“White….face paint?”

The other man adjusted his North American Championship on his shoulder. “Yeah. Y’know, war paint for tonight. It was Hanson and Rowe’s idea. They figured we should at least look like a cohesive unit.”

“What’s the point of that?” Pete deadpanned. “Face paint won’t get us a win against Undisputed Era.”

Ricochet looked at a loss for a second, then sighed. “C’mon man. It’s to pump you up, get you excited to kick some ass. Plus it’ll look cool, yeah?”

Pete wasn’t very convinced, but he wasn’t in the mood to argue. He did admittedly like the idea of amping up the intimidation factor, not that he was going to tell Ricochet that. “Fine. Might as well fool people into thinking we’re a real team.”

“S’that supposed to mean? We’re a real team. Cole and his cronies are gonna see just how real we are tonight.” Ricochet declared, giving Pete a few taps on the chest.

Pete stiffened at the contact and glared at the highflier. Ricochet was someone who currently fell under the obstacle category in Pete’s eyes. He hadn’t forgotten the match where both their titles had been on the line. They never received closure, and Pete intended to change that next time they crossed paths in the ring.

He’d prefer for Ricochet to stay an obstacle rather than become dead weight.

“I’ve said it before, you’re just a guy carrying a piece of gold that I want. As for the other two, they’ve already got each other. We may be on the same side, but we’re not a team.”

The grin on Ricochet’s face weakened a bit. “Man do you like, practice this stuff in a mirror before you talk to anyone?” He chuckled at his own joke—was it a joke? The weight of Pete’s words didn’t seem to mean much to him, however, as he quickly bounced back. “Anyway, face paint, yes or no?”

“Sure.” Pete said.

“Great.” Ricochet tossed the tube of paint to Pete. “Doll me up.”

Pete barely caught the tube in time. He whipped his head up to face Ricochet, trying to make sure he had heard him correctly. “What?”

Ricochet had placed his title on the bench next to him and met Pete’s gaze expectantly. “What? I can’t put it on myself. There’s no mirror in here.”

“Then find one.”

“No can do.” He almost looked smug, as if he had planned this. “Bathroom’s closed for repairs, apparently Kyle and Bobby thought it’d be fun to flush Sullivan’s gear down the toilet. He caught ‘em in the act.” Ricochet let out a whistle. “It wasn’t pretty.”

Pete didn’t want to hear any more. For whatever reason, Ricochet was intent on sporting war paint, he might as well indulge him. After tonight, he could set his sights on what really mattered.

“Alright. C’mere.” Pete placed his championship on the bench opposite of Ricochet’s and squeezed some paint onto his fingers.

He lifted his hand only to pause suddenly, leaving it hovering in front of Ricochet’s face. “What’s their paint look like anyways?”

Ricochet thought for a moment. “It’s like…a V shape on each cheek.” He explained, tracing the motion over Pete’s cheeks with his finger. “Simple enough.”

“Right.” Pete grunted, doing everything he could to ignore the way his face had heated up. He pressed his fingers to Ricochet’s face and began painting the design, trying his best to keep his hand steady.

Pete came to a halt when Ricochet started giggling quietly. He gave him a strange look, pulling his hand away.

The other man took a moment to compose himself, then cleared his throat. “Tickles.” Came the simple explanation. Pete rolled his eyes and continued with his work, retracing the lines to smooth out the jagged edges.

He paused again to add more paint to his fingers, avoiding Ricochet’s gaze. Pete could feel the man looking at him and unconsciously tossed his head a bit to let his hair cover his face.

As Pete started on the other cheek, he noticed Ricochet hadn’t stopped staring at him at him, almost amusingly.

“What?” Pete finally asked, with a hint of challenge.

Ricochet seemed unbothered. “You’re just a lot more careful than I thought you’d be” He said, a little quieter than usual. It was unclear if the remark was meant to be teasing. It seemed sincere enough, but even if it was Pete wasn’t sure what the implications were.

Pete said nothing and averted his eyes again, finishing with a final swipe. “There.” He muttered. “All done.”

“Great! I’ll just have to trust that it looks good.” Ricochet reached up to touch his freshly painted face, then decided against it. “Alright, your turn!”

Pete froze, he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

He wasn’t particularly keen on anyone paying close attention to his face.

It was bumpy and weird; he knew this. Acne scars and uneven stubble were just the beginning of it. It was something he’d learned to accept, but he wasn’t exactly dying for others to get a good look at it.

Regardless, he knew Ricochet wouldn’t take no for an answer. If he had, Pete wouldn’t have just spent the past few minutes spreading paint on his face in uncomfortable silence.

Ricochet took the paint tube from Pete’s hands. “You mind uh…” He made a hair flip motion. “Getting that out of the way?”

Pete looked down at his hands, covered in white paint, and decided to go with option two. He swung his head to the side—a little too forcefully—and flipped the blond mess back. He was satisfied for a moment before it came toppling back down in his face.

It was times like this where he seriously reconsidered growing out his hair.

“I gotchu.” Ricochet intervened, looking even more amused than before. He tucked Pete’s hair behind his ear to keep it from coming loose again. “Sure got a lot of hair homeboy.” He commented.

“Guess you can’t relate.” Pete replied bluntly.  

Ricochet laughed out loud at that, almost too eager to make fun of himself. “Guess not.” He emptied what was left of the paint into his hand and got to work. Pete winced at the cold feeling, trying not to pull away. “But you know,” Ricochet continued. “The lack of hair could be the secret to my speed.”

Pete wasn’t fully sure if he was joking. “I reckon that’s why you got pieces missing in your eyebrows too?”

The highflier laughed again, this time not as loud, but a huge smile graced his face. “Man, you’re alright.”

Ricochet spread the paint on Pete’s cheeks with ease, moving just as smoothly as he did in the ring. Pete fought with everything he had to try not to break out into a fit of laughter. Ricochet was right, the feeling made him ticklish. His lip curved upward in a smile that he quickly pushed away.

“All set.” Ricochet finally announced, looking proud of his work. Pete didn’t doubt that the man had probably done a better job than him. “Now we look like a force to be reckoned with.”

Pete held couldn’t help but soften his expression a bit. He felt cool, and far more relaxed than earlier. Once again, he wasn’t going to tell Ricochet that, but he appreciated the feeling. “If painting faces keeps you from screwing up tonight, then so be it.” He replied with a shrug.

Ricochet shook his head, and if Pete didn’t know any better he’d say he was annoyed. “You never quit do you? Y’know we can do this whole rivalry thing without all the little remarks, yeah?”

“Cause make no mistake,” Ricochet’s tone grew serious. “I’m just as focused on that title of yours as you are on mine.”

The sudden change surprised Pete, but it didn’t faze him. After all, this was why he kept up his guard so high. He knew behind every person there was a set of intentions, and each interaction with him was a means of achieving them.

“I’m well aware.” Pete said evenly. “S’why I’m not buying this partner ruse. We’re not friends, and we never will be.”

Ricochet paused for a moment. “Just ‘cause you’re a future opponent, doesn’t mean we can’t be on the same page now. It’s no ruse, I’ve got your back tonight. I mean that.”

“Better to have your own back first.”

Ricochet lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck, looking unsure of where to go from there.

“You’re a tough nut to crack.” He said finally, leaning down to grab his North American championship. When he came back up, he was smiling again. “But I’m willing to prove where my loyalties lie out there. There’s no hiding in the ring.”

Pete eyed him for a moment, then nodded briskly. “That’s one thing we can agree on.”

“I’ve got another. We both wanna beat the hell out of those undisputed assholes, right?” Ricochet offered. “That snake Roddy’s gonna be out there tonight. If you ask me, you should focus on giving him the ass whopping he’s had coming instead of making enemies out of your partners.”

An odd silence followed his words. Pete didn’t know how to respond, and Ricochet’s intense gaze wasn’t making it any easier. In his heart Pete knew he had a point.

He was more than willing to take on all four members of the Undisputed Era himself, but he knew realistically he wouldn’t come out victorious. He needed Ricochet and the War Raiders whether he liked it or not.

Just one night couldn’t be so bad, right? Even if it involved putting his faith in other people. Ricochet had nothing to gain from betraying him. Hanson and Rowe, he wasn’t so sure, but considering how fixated they had been on the Undisputed Era for the past several weeks, it was unlikely.

Ricochet saved Pete from having to muster up an answer by reaching over and picking up his United Kingdom Championship. Pete’s eyes widened and he tensed up, ready to snatch it out of his hands.

There was no need to, however, as Ricochet placed it snugly on Pete’s shoulder.

He gave it a few pats, admiring the intricate design on the belt for several moments.

Ricochet took a few steps back, his own title sitting around his waist. “You look good.” He said finally. “Let’s do work tonight, mate.”

Pete’s partner tossed the now empty paint tube in his hand once, then turned to saunter off.

“Not your mate.” Pete replied in a half-hearted protest. He couldn’t see Ricochet’s face as he left the room, but Pete knew he was smiling.

“By the way, the bathroom’s perfectly fine. Just figured we could use a team bonding exercise.”

tagged by: @falkreathh thank you!!  sorry for doing this so much later u_u’ tagging: whoever wants to!! (◡‿◡✿) 1. favourite game in the series ok... i don’t know if you already figured it out but my total fave is dao. why? maybe is the nostalgic feelings this game gives me or... i played it so many mcfucking times that i just get this hollow feeling inside my chest when i haven’t played it for weeks... idk. the trespasser dlc was spectacular too and gave my lavellan a lot of personality (what i thought the dai base game lacked, bc it made me feel like my inquisitor was an empty shell with no personality, solas’ romance save the dai base game to me tbqh). but... you can create such complex personalities in dao for your warden, and the relationships are so so realistic. i think (dao) is neat lmao. 

2. how did you discover dragon age? before being a dragon age fan i was a dark souls fan; i breath dark souls, i read dark souls, i ate dark souls, i was quite obsessed with dark souls, and before dark souls i was an obsessed skyrim fan (oNLY SKYRIM, not the previous games ashdgjasdgh) and with skyrim that was the first time i made video game oc's, like... they had such complex personalities and i cannot make complex character now... aNYWAY i'm getting carried away: i knew dragon age bc dai was being lunched and ALL the people i followed reblogged stuff about dai, and then i bought dao and loved it!! 

3. how many times have you played the games? hfgsdjfhsjfshd fffUCKKKK SHITT... alright... many mANY TIMES, but how many times i haven't finished my game?? countless times!! i think i finished fINISHED dao maybe... pls don't laugh at me... 10+ times. yes they are so so so many times, shame on me! shame on my cow! blah blah, but i lOVE dao. da2 maybe.... 3-4 times? and dai 6 times?? it's funny bc i played dao and da2 in many different ways but dai... m8, always the same, fuck you solas sdhfjdshjsdf 4. favourite race to play? qUNARIIIII!!! i lOVE tieflings so.. i obviously love the qunari too, but in the dai the first race i chose was qunari but then i talked to solas and i was like... bITCHHHHH i'm gonna create an elf to romance this egg, and then... my canon inky became an elf lol. and last favourite race are humans... ok don't hate me, it's not bc they are """boring""" or shit like that, it's bc they are the upper-class of thedas and i LOVE the "from zero to hero" trope... so... yeah agfshsdfhj 5. favourite class? mages!! bc i love the lore behind this class, it's fantastic, precisely blood magic. but if i didn't care about this, i would choose archer, tho in the first games it sucked but in dai is pretty cool :^) 6. do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time? as i've said before i have made many different decisions in dao and da2 but in dai are always the same lol 7. go-to adventuring group? origins: alistair/sten, morrigan, zev/leliana da2: aveline, anders, isabela/varric dai: solas, cassandra, cole/sera 8. which of your characters did you put the most thought into? i think prim/anika??(they're the same but one is a human and the other an elf lmaoo), she was my first da oc, and obviously the one i put most thought into bc i uSED to have a lot of creativity some years ago, what a pity my brain is useless now lmao 9. favourite romance? pfffff... solas, alistair, leli and cass!! i think?? idk i gotta play again dai bc i'm not sure :/ 10. have you read any of the comics/books? i've read aLL the books but not the comics :/, i want to read the comics but idk where i could read them online and free (sorry i'm poor lol), so... mi gozo en un pozo lmao 11. if you read them, which was your favourite book? my fav book was "the masked empire"!! patrick weekes is a good writer and i loved the orlesian politics, and i adored seeing these characters in dai! (tho briala was whitewashed lmao) 12. favourite DLCs? obviously: awakening and trespasser. these two dlc's were mcfUCKING AMAZING. i mean, with dao i expected the same quality of the base game, but trespasser was such an excelent and good experience, it gave a lot of insight to our inquisitors and also: sOOULASSSSS, so yep! i mainly lOVED trespasser and i hope weekes guides the team to make a game at least as good as this dlc! (tho, if ea is a greedy bintch this time [as always lol] it doesn't matter how many times the bioware time tries, ea will force them to do a shitty game :/) 13. things that annoy you how viv, anders and sera are written, i mean, i loved anders the first time i played da2 but his personality is obviously written to annoy the fuck outta you, tho i loved how he expressed his ideals freely (tho sometimes he even seemed too traidtional to me about topics like blood magic :/), but sera and viv were a lil harder to befriend and like, and i still don't like much viv, but i love her as a character, y'kno 14. orlais or ferelden? tbh, if i gotta live in one of those two places i would choose ferelden by fAR. but, now, if we're talking about which is more interesting; orlais. 15. templars or mages? like @/blckwall said: all templars are bastards :). i would love if thedas had independent magic schools, that there were no higher representatives or charges, that every village or city had its own magic school, and the crown would be the responsable of manage its needs. i haven't thought much about this so my thoughts are quite vague :/ 16. if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one? they're from different universes, tho i'd love the idea of all of them being in the same universe, but some worlds states are incompatible with others. 17. what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc) in dao: barkspawn (i'm extremelly predictable, sorry u_u') 18. have you installed any mods? all my dragon age games are modded as fUCK. i mean, i think dao is the most heavy modded game i have?? (mainly bc i cannot install many mods in skyrim lol) but when i have my gaming computer again i will mod the shit out of dai >:) 19. did your warden want to become a grey warden? prim had been working in the circle her entire live to be in the higher ranks, and then she saw how all her work was lost made her really conflicted: she didn't wanted to leave bc she yearned to be more powerful and make the circle a better place for mages (yep, she's deeply anti-circle bc of her traumatic past), and she was going to die if she refused duncan's offer. even so, she was never sorry for supporting jowan. and, she became the king of ferelden's mistress; she loved him obv, but she could also take some advantage of his power to make the mages and marginalize people's situation better, and gain fortune by that; alistair was well aware about her plans by prim's words herself, but he never objected. altho the main cause prim made alistair king is bc she wanted him to have a good life and not waste it as a grey warden, so... anyway, i got acrried away... this is long af ghdjsdgf 20. hawke’s personality? red mostly, tho he used to be purple/red in the first and begining of the second act :/ 21. did you make matching armor for your companions in inquisition? yes i did!! i lOVED to be fashionable in dragon age instyle!! 22. if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change? prim : she would have tried to convince jowan and wait some months until she could convince him. also: sometimes she wishes she didn't make alistair king, mostly bc of her daughter (her daughter is the only heir to the throne of ferelden, and basically she doesn't even know that prim is her real mother, mostly bc anora adopted her bc alistair and she couldn't have children), sometimes, in her alone saddest times, thinks how things would have been if alistair was still a grey warden, they would have a happy family and wouldn't even had to hide inofensive stuff like a cheek kiss. but anyway, her duties as a grey warden are more important and doesn't have time to think about it. garrett hawke: he regrets not defending carver, he would have prefered to sacrifice himself instead of any of his siblings. he also regrets going to the deep roads with bethany, letting the grey wardens make her one of them (obv he doesn't know that if he didn't she would have joined the circle lmao). and obv her mother's death... if he had been there, with her mother, he could have done something... :'/ maia: she regrets not being strong enough when that shem tried to hurt her when she was a litte girl, that made her mother kill him to save her bc she was too defenseless, she should have been stronger, that caused her mother and she part ways, because now maia's mother was a criminal and she had more proabilities of getting caught, so maia should go on her way and find the next village, but she found the lavellan clan. she deeply regrets not going after her mother. she also think she was too stupid to not found out the true identity of solas and try to convince him that this world has meaning :'/ 23. do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon? mmmm... no? :/, i like my decisions to have consequences?? 24. are any of your characters based on someone? sahgdashsd pls don't make fun of me but in the first stage of prim's/anika's 'personality creation' was inspired by mother gothel, then she was inspired by...... mikasa ackerman dsfgdjsdf, i'm still inspired by that character tHO i know that shingeki no kyojin is nazi propaganda and i no longer watch that anime lmao. maia is inspired by... a mix of me and rapunzel (from tangled)?? she's basically a shy rapunzel :') 25. who did you leave in the fade? some of you will hate me bc i had to choose between hawke and stroud but i still chose hawke dsfgsdf. m8, hawke is just a 'figure' who isn't widely recognized in thedas, while the grey warden are 394789x more useful, idk i always put myself in the shoes of my characters even if their decisions hurt me (tho, tbqh, i'm not tHAT attached to hawke so this choice was easy lol) 26. favourite mount? royal sixteen!! she's so pretty!! ♡♡♡ thanks for tagging me!! ♡♡

i’m actually really in love with my dbh college AU now because it’s a “cole lives” story because why keep cole dead when you can not do that, am i right (in mine hank and cole’s mom are just divorced and they have like 50/50 custody...it’s possible but i haven’t decided yet that cole was like, really sick when he was little and almost died but then he didn’t)

and i only really have stuff for reed900 when they’re in college and i don’t know what happens to them after they graduate yet tbh

but for hankcon lemme TELL ya

as i’ve mentioned before, since i headcanon connor to be sort of...emotionally 31? in the game bc b.dechart was 31 when he played him (emotional ages of androids? that makes sense, right? like the kid androids are emotionally 8 or whatever but various adult androids are emotionally 25 or 40 or whatever else depending on the model cuz of how they’re programmed?) 

but in the college AU he’s a college student and he’s about 21 so i’ve bumped hank’s age down by a decade too to start out with, so he’s 43 when connor is 21, and cole is 9 at that time, which i think works out math-wise--right? didn’t cole die in 2035 at age 6? so he would have been 9 when hank was 53 if he hadn’t died?

but anyway yeah so then hank was 34 when cole was born instead of 44 because i’ve always been like “wow that’s a really old age to have your first kid!” even though that’s how old...my dad was...when he had his second kid...(me)...lol

but yeah. for hank and connor like they sort of have your standard student-professor secret sordid rule-breaking affair, and then connor graduates and depending on when the affair starts (i know they meet when connor was 21 but i’ve been playing with timeline so they might not start sleeping together until connor is 22) they’re either like “well that was a fun short fling but you have a job lined up in colorado after graduation so, bye i guess” or a more tearful “we can’t be together because if you move in with me right after you graduate people are gonna be hella suspicious”

EITHER WAY connor has caught feelings for hank in a major way but doesn’t say anything to him because of how connor is as a person, and he just goes off and works at the job he has lined up in colorado (why colorado??? fuck you that’s why because it’s far away from michigan) for like 3 years and dates a series of guys he’s really not that interested in but mostly focuses on his career

and then he has some kind of catalyst where he’s like “what the hell am i doing with my life?? prioritizing my work that i don’t care about over my personal relationships like my fucking PARENTS? why the hell am i doing this shit??” (you know kind of a lifetime movie moment ya feel lol) (connor’s parents are both so emotionally distant and so frequently gone on business trips and stuff that the reader will never actually meet them or learn their names...i don’t like fics that try to do stuff like, Oh Amanda’s Their Emotionally Abusive Adopted Mom because that tends to feel ermmmm racially charged to me)

and he gets all ready for a road trip back to iowa detroit (i really want to set this at a thinly disguised version of my own iowa college but it makes no sense to not set it in michigan) and he still has hank’s professor email so he drops him an email that’s all studied casualness like “hey i’m gonna be in town in a couple weeks and i’d love to catch up with my favorite former professor!” and hank gets the email and hes like Yeah sure id love to (not quite sure what connor is up to but hes 50% sure connor is up to Something bc he’s...met him)

and they do meet up again and connor is 25 and hank is 47 (and cole is 13 but that’s not important rn) and connor is like “hi hank! how are you? is there anyone special in your life right now? seeing anyone cute?” and hank is like nnnno i’m single and connor’s like “Great! Because I’m in love with you please take me back” and hank is like Hwat but then yeah they get it figured out because hank has been missing connor in a major way and hes like now that you’re here i absolutely Can’t just let you leave for 3 more years so yeah sjdkfjsdlfsdj long story short connor moves in with him not-that-long after that (it makes emotional sense in context i promise)

and then cole and connor become buds and cole tells him stuff that he’s not sure he can tell his dad and connor keeps his lips zipped bc cole usually ends up telling his dad everything anyway

and i have a really nice scene planned that i can’t stop thinking about when cole is 16 and connor is 28 and hank is away doing Professor Shit (sometimes they gotta travel!) and he’s like “are you two gonna be okay while i’m gone” and connor is lowkey kinda nervous about it but they’re both like Yes Obviously anyway because cole is old enough to not really need adult supervision anyway and connor has been serving as a parent-ish figure to him for like 3 years now so like...they’ve got this

anyways. connor and teenager cole have a heart to heart and it’s really nice and cool and i forget now which part of that i was going to tell you about. a lot of it is just connor asking questions he’s been dying to ask cole about what cole thinks of connor and connor’s relationship with hank and stuff 

but then they also do a lot of stuff that they just do normally like cole tells connor secrets and stories and connor tells him stories too and connor helps cole with his math homework (hank is an english professor probably and connor is a STEM-minded dude, majored in computer science and is really good at math so when cole is like “can one of you help me with my trigonometry homework” hank is like “eesh...” and connor is like “HELL YES I CAN I LOVE TRIG”) 

this whole post is just to say. connor-cole bonding is what i want.

this 2am crack is all @buttsonthebeach’s fault. ariala x solas, solas accidentally gets high and appreciates the tiddies. mildly nsfw bc of those aforementioned tiddies. || tip jar

The dragon takes them all by surprise in the Hissing Wastes; they hadn’t even meant to find her, they just... ran into her. They end up having to run for their lives, naturally. Cassandra simply kneels in front of a bleeding, half-unconscious Solas and lifts him up and over her shoulders like the stronger hunters carry a deer carcass. Cole disappears into the ether while helping Ariala carry their gear through the sand, which, honestly? Typical. She loves him, but typical.

They find refuge in a shallow cave in a ravine, too hidden for the dragon’s fire to hurt them, but not too hidden that they can escape the heat of the desert. The deepest part of the cave is home to an absurd amount of deep mushrooms, though, so that’s a plus. Ariala and Cassandra work together to stabilize Solas, working until they are almost out of health potions. Only then do they focus on healing themselves: Cassandra’s like a battering ram anyway, and Ariala had kept to the shadows and the peripheries, following Cole’s cues to hit vulnerable chinks in the dragon’s scales. Not that it had done a whole lot of good.

An hour later, Cassandra leaves the cave in search of water. Ariala sighs, peeling off her armor and her tunic, until she is left kneeling beside Solas in nothing but her leathers and breastband. She uses her damp tunic to wipe away the sweat on her brow and tosses it aside, turning toward Solas’s backpack and rifling through it until she finds what she’d been looking for: Sera’s cookies, wrapped in linen, each one the size of her cupped palms. Most of them are broken or crumbled, but there is one cookie left intact, and it’s also the only one that is not burnt at the bottom.

Solas groans beside her and she turns at once, blowing aside a piece of hair that falls into her eyes. “Hey, sleepyhead,” she says, smiling. “You had me worried for a second there.”

He grimaces in greeting, propping himself on his elbows, staring down at his bandage-wrapped chest, still unstained as yet. She reaches out, brushing her knuckles down the sweat-shined skin of his temple, and he leans into her touch, slowly lowering himself back to the stone with a grunt. Once he’s settled, he takes her hand in his, squeezing it.

“The dragon?” he asks.

“Alive,” she says. “Once you fell, we had to fall back. It was amazing, actually. Cass carried you all the way here like a champ. I don’t think she would’ve even broken a sweat if we’d been anywhere but the desert.”

“Ah. I shall have to thank her, then.” His expression twists in pain, and she checks his bandages again. When she looks up, Solas lifts his hand, brushing sweat-plastered hair out of her eyes. “You are not hurt?”

She shakes her head, turning to kiss his palm before sitting back. “You want my cookie?” she asks. “Sera’s. They’re really good, usually. This one’s not even burnt. I figured you deserve it since you took the most damage from the dragon.”

“Sera’s?” he asks, eyes narrowing slightly.

“She made them for me,” Ariala says, defensive. “I trust her. We’re friends. And she’s getting better at making them.”

Solas squints at her, equally if not moreso suspicious than before. She sighs, eyebrows raising, and moves to take the cookie back from him, but he snatches his hand away before she can. He breaks off a large chunk of the cookie, half of its chocolate chips a melted mess in the heat, and eats it. A low note of pleasure escapes his mouth, and his eyes close.

“This is delicious,” he says, looking pained to admit it.

“Told you,” Ariala sing-songs, grinning. She kisses his forehead. “I’m glad you’re all right, arasha. You had me worried there for a second.”

His expression goes soft, like it always does whenever she calls him that, and he reaches for her with his free hand, guiding her down so he may kiss her without putting a strain on his stomach injury. When she pulls back, making sure to kiss the corner of his mouth before she goes, he laces their fingers together as he polishes off the last of the cookie. “Do you have any more?” he asks, sounding hopeful.

“Yeah, but they’re burnt.”

“Ah.” He looks disappointed, and she laughs. “Well, I shall still try them.”

She nods, handing him the linen square full of cookie crumbles, and leaves him to his post-battle meal. She gets up to retrieve her discarded shirt, using it once again to wipe the sweat that’s beaded at her sides and her brow and her collarbones, then tosses it on top of the rest of her gear. She kneels down, retrieving her herb pouch and a knife, before wandering off to collect the deep mushrooms at the end of the cave.

When she gets back, Solas is lying unnaturally still, the cookies half-eaten in his lap. He turns his head, and his pupils are dilated, almost swallowing up his irises. When he sees her, he licks his lips and leaves his mouth open as his gaze trails from her face to linger openly on her breasts.

“Am I dying?” he asks, sounding only mildly confused.

Oh.

Oh, no.

She is going to kill Sera.

“No,” she says, rounding his makeshift cot and kneeling beside him, her back to the cave entrance. He reaches for her and licks his lips again, but she grabs his hand and lowers it to her knee. She takes one of the cookie chunks and rolls it between her fingers until it crumbles to dust. She can smell the royal elfroot, so potent her nose wrinkles.

She’d joked to Sera about never being able to relax in the desert once. Months ago. And, sure enough, buried under the cookie crumbs, there’s a note accompanied by an unskilled drawing of several winking faces: Quizzy, hope this helps you... RELAX. ;) ;) ;)

Honestly.

Ariala sighs, wiping her hand on her pants and reaching out to feel for his pulse. His heart is racing. Not too worrisome, since the healing potions had closed all of his wounds, but she’s not sure if healing potions are meant to go with royal elfroot-drugged cookies. They probably shouldn’t be mixed.

His gaze is still on her chest, as blank as when he stares at a wall lost in thought, and his eyes are nearly black.

“Still with me, arasha?” she asks.

“Vhenan,” he says, faintly, “you have the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen.”

Ariala snorts, despite herself. “I doubt that,” she says. She’s not exactly, well, gifted in that area. But he keeps staring, licking his lips every so often, and she rolls her eyes, checking over her shoulder to make sure Cassandra isn’t anywhere near within earshot of this conversation. She turns back to Solas. 

“You know, this would be funnier if we were actually having sex,” she tells him. He nods, sagely, just like when he’s listening to the Inquisition’s various scholars debate theories with him, and doesn’t look away from her chest. “I’m still not opposed to that, by the way. In case you ever change your mind when you’re not addled with Sera’s stash of royal elfroot.”

“Mm. Mhmm.” He blinks, languidly, looking like he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. She glances down at the linen square, trying to think of how many cookies he could’ve had, when he asks, distant and dreamy, “Can I touch them?”

She rolls her eyes so hard they hurt. “I’ll make you a sleeping potion. You’re not going to remember any of this when you wake up.”

“Please,” he says, softer, still sounding far away. “You’re so beautiful.”

It would be a sweeter sentiment if he wasn’t looking at her breasts like some abstract art whose meaning he can’t puzzle out. Still, the whole situation is so ridiculous she can’t help but smile. Sera would have a fit once she found out, which she will, the moment Ariala gets back. “You’re lucky I like you so much.”

She checks over her shoulder one last time, just to make certain Cassandra won’t walk into anything awkward, and takes one of Solas’s hands in both of hers, lifting it up to press it against her breast. “Boom. A breast. A natural baby-feeder and strange obsession of men. Happy?”

“Yes,” he sighs, a dreamy smile flitting over his face. Yet he doesn’t even move his hand; he doesn’t do anything, really, but keep his hand where she had put it. When Ariala pulls her hand away, a few moments later, his hand drops to his side, and his gaze roves languidly up her chest, to her collarbone, to her throat, and finally to her face. His own eyes are glazed, pupils dilated, nearly swallowing the iris.

Ariala shakes her head, fondly. “You’re not going to remember any of this, are you?” she asks.

He smiles, toothy and boyish and far too endearing, and promptly passes out.

-mmmmm crappy thoughts on this day-

today it hit me that for the last five years or so i’ve felt the overwhelming feeling of i’d rather be dead by twenty-two than alive right now and well. I’m 22. I’m a month past being 22. I am here, right now, alive. Not doing anything much at the moment. Planning which classes to take next semester. Listening to a rock and roll cover of Counting Stars by OneRepublic by Cole Rolland. 

And now tearing up because I kind of got hit in the side by this wave of emotions. Confusion and settling and weird feelings. Earlier today I had a nap and I dreamed about killing myself. It was overall a good dream. I didn’t wake up when I died in-dream. i just kept watching what other people were doing, how they fared, in dream. 

I still think “kill me” in response to things that happen. I still think about how much better I’d be if I wasn’t here. I just. Also know that it’s a lie? like I know it’s wrong and the thoughts are wrong and they’re all lies but I still think about it a lot and it’s still something I’d rather be (dead) than here.

And it’s confusing to me. Like . I’ve been thinking about suicide since I was fourteen. It was really bad when I was 14-17, when I harmed most often and most intensely. When it didn’t stop until I was 20. When I cried all the time and failed classes and got yelled at and felt worse and didn’t know if I had any real friends and didn’t want to risk telling someone how I felt in case they wouldn’t want to know me anymore.

anyway that was a couple years ago but also not? because college is coming somewhere new and starting over and from the ground up and burning yourself out because you think it’s just like high school with farther walks but it’s NOT and learning to have some self mcfreaking control and learning that Hey. Yes. I actually do have an issue with anxiety and depressive tendencies happen and that’s something to address instead of just being an idiot and lazy and also Hey you’re sick all the time, you have intense stomach pain nearly every morning but you can’t figure it out why

so that’s another couple of years and all throughout i’ve told maybe 3 people across all that time and one was that girl in high school you never saw after junior year because she got transferred to horizons for (wow, looky there, it was actually an attempt on her life but later because she got pregnant and needed daycare, I wonder how she’s doing?) and then like uhhh my youth pastor that left the church a year later for a new job and one (1) friend and I don’t even remember who that was

and then it kind of crashed on me all at once and i started seeing that counselor and I felt on the up and up for a while sophomore year (college) but sometime later I started swinging way back down, hard, and led to “screaming in a field” a shit ton because i didn’t have a space to yell and cry and be up fuckin set without roommates or randos around and hey, the practice fields are cold and empty, just like how i feel, and looking at the stars made me feel better even if i could only see 3 bc of pollution

anyway all through all of all i just. ever since high school it’s been on my mind. and there’s a lot of bullshit wrapped around even that that i don’t even know how to get into

(actually, I think it was alice? an older student? who graduated? I have no idea, haven’t seen her in like two years)

and i just. i’m tired of feeling so messed up over this crap. but i still want to end it. and i still want to tell myself to grow up and stop whining and you’re doing alright and you’re an idiot and you’re so stupid and you’re never going to make it through school anyway and you’re the disappointing sister/daughter and no one would miss you (everyone would miss you for at least a month but later they’d forget as is best) and anyway what could you possibly give the world anyway?

and people keep asking me what my plan for after graduation is or what i want to use my degree for and in the back of my mind as i answer “I’m still considering” is “Lady I thought I’d be fucking dead by now, and honestly I’m still waiting to swerve into oncoming traffic or jump off the eighth floor of the dorms or find one of my brother in law’s guns in this fucking house or god, please, struck by lightning for being a dumbass and going out while it’s raining or uhh i don’t know jumping from the balcony with something tied around my fucking neck” and if that shit ain’t depressing to have playing in the back of my mind every fucking time i try to think about the future but all i see is a blank,d ark space where maybe some hope should be, then i don’t know what is

anyway i. I had that htought today of remembering how off-handedly i’ve mentioned shit like this and let my friends laugh it off with me and it’s. it’s fucking sad. I almost told my friend i was close with in  high school i was harming when i was a senior or freshman, some year, but it turns out he didn’t actually care for me as a human, just as a convenient excuse for [i don’t wanna talk about this one] and well. that hurt a lot and made it clear [that was a lie too i just didn’t know it] that nobody wanted to have something to do with me

and i was too afraid to approach someone else to be close to in the terms of deep friendship. I can talk your ear off and listen all day to a new acquaintance, but lasting friendship? i don’t know her (but i wish i did..i’m learning, and that’s honestly the bright spot in all this bs)

and just. it’s still there. as positive and forward-thinking and moving on as i’ve been trying to be in my life, it’s still there. and just this morning on the highway we were driving and i fantasized about unlocking the door and jumping out and I had to physically turn away from the door to halt that line of thinking in me (it didn’t really go away, by the by)

and i’m sick of it, but in the way i’d rather give in than keep going when i have no clue what the fuck i’m doing.

but i’m a coward at heart and i’d rather go in a flash of reckless living, not buckling up or hit crossing the street or some bullshit like that than any choice on my part. it’d be easier on my family, for one.

fuck. this was more of a rant than i meant but. i was just thinking this morning and I made it. I’m here. I’m twenty-two and I don’t know what the fuck to do. But i’m here.

despite my brain yelling ‘this is wrong’ i’m here. i’m living. i’m breathing. i’m trying. 

i just wish the last eight years weren’t telling me i shouldn’t be.

Divination Deck Spirit Experiences

The mods of Spiritionary as well as others we’ve spoken to have noticed spirits in many of our divination decks whether tarot or oracle. Each seems to be unique and in many cases completely sentient, and it not only varies from type of deck but deck to deck as well, each specific deck having its own spirit. It’s quite common for cartomancers (diviners who use card decks) to describe their deck’s personalities. Even doing an “interview spread” to communicate with a tarot or oracle deck itself is a standard practice for a lot of diviners when they get a new divination deck. 

Yet despite how normal it is in the world of divination to speak of deck interviews and personalities, divination is usually considered a totally separate and distinct practice from spirit work. So acknowledging that most or perhaps even all divination decks have their own spirits has important implications for the potential overlap between spirit work and cartomancy divination (if not other forms of divination as well). At the very least, divination can always be used as a tool for communicating with spirits and the relationship between cartomancy and spirit work is very strong in that sense!

Here we’ve gathered some personal stories from 14 diviners about individual tarot and oracle deck experiences collected by Mods Wind and Fire...

Idris’ Shadowscapes Tarot Deck

"My Shadowscapes Tarot deck is very sassy but not it a bad way. She tells it like it is and makes you face hard truths. With me she is always particularly harsh and throws out lots of major arcana. With others she isn't too bad, but she still is blunt in her messages. She cuts to the chase." - Idris, @crystalwitch-in-the-tardis

Periwinkle’s Hawaiian Mana Card Oracle Deck

"I have a Hawaiian Mana Card Oracle deck and every time I use it, it feels as if I'm consulting a wise grandmother ancestor figure because she's very perceptive to everything (especially BS), and will give it to you straight, but with the utmost love and respect. She only wants the best for the readee, so any hard-to-swallow words are immediately followed by words of compassion and love for your true, vulnerable self." - Periwinkle, @destinylightreadings

Siris’ Chrysalis Tarot and House of Night Oracle Deck

"I have two decks I mainly use: Chrysalis Tarot and House of Night Oracle. The Chrysalis Tarot is very happy self-help yet doesn’t exactly explore the downsides. It’s more good advice and what you can do to address a problem so very practical. Comes off like a school guidance counselor. House of Night has more a motherly tone. Where it looks out for you yet win tough love. Likes to tell you the good and bad of a problem and give their opinion of how to proceed yet it’s ultimately up to you." - Siris, @path-of-stars

Subterranean Roses’ Steampunk Tarot Deck

"My steampunk tarot appears as a young woman in steampunk garb. She's actually fairly nice, like a supportive friend who sometimes is blunt because you need to hear it but not really in a sassy way. I'm pretty sure the spirit looks like one of the characters on the cards, but I haven't figured out which." - @subterraneanroses

Kuro’s Tarot Deck

“Mine can be sarcastic, and is usually pretty straight forward. I do have to store it with a little salt, because I have had problems with it being possessed in the past.” - Kuro, @ladykuro

Lala’s Oracle Deck

“My oracle deck. I love it to pieces. I didn't pick out my self but I did buy it. It is very good telling when to stop shuffling. Like it would be very hard to shuffle if  I need to stop. It is very guiding and accurate. It tells advice in a practical and loving way. I didn't pick it. Someone else did. But it has this very distinct smell that no matters what doesn't go away. I am big on smells. It just feels like home. And comfortable. And just everything I need.” - Lala, @ursalala 

Titan’s Tarot Deck

“My deck is pretty call out and harsh, but always has this little gentle, motherly tone. Like "Face your problems and get your life together omg but it'll be okay bb." It's stern but kind. I also conceptualize my deck as female.” - Titan, @a-spoonful-of-magic

Ismerila’s Tarot Deck

"For some reason, my deck reacts differently for me when around other people, and I really, really believe that it's trying to help me. Like with my nana, we shared doing readings together and it really laid out what she's going through and what she needs to do to change her life for the better, and when it got to me, the cards kept saying, ''Hey. I know you feel miserable.'' And the more cards that I drew that said ''you feel down.'' the more nana was like, ''uh.... u good?'' When I'm alone it offers advice, but when I'm around my family it's like ''HEY PAY ATTENTION LOOK SHE FEELS BAD HELP HER GENIUS.'' - Ismerila, @natasatcha

Amy’s Tarot Deck

“I've had my deck for almost three years... I truly believe my deck and I have a strong connection. Actually the first time I really connected with my deck I was going through a really hard time and it's like she (for some reason my deck really feels like a female presence) laid it all out for me and that's when I really started to get close to my deck. When I'm feeling confused or just need clarity in a situation I always find reassurance and answers with her. Also, it's nice just to spend some time with my deck. I feel more protected and secure when I do this... in my opinion in feels like something has my back and will tell me what's up, even when I don't want to hear it sometimes haha" - Amy, @glass-of-her-boudoir  

Anonymous Divination Deck Owner

"My tarot decks def have "personalities" if that's what you mean one of them (Morgan-Greer) is very gentle and grandmotherly (maybe bc I received it from my grandmother and her energy rubbed off on it?), another (Aquarian) is pretty distant and abstract in its messages, and the third (Hermetic) is a bona fide troll or maybe the Hermetic deck just rubbed me the wrong way at first bc of its appropriation of Jewish symbols. (Nonetheless, it's very easy to read, esp. if you know astrology well.)"

Mod Fire’s Buddha Tarot Deck

“When I first finished printing and cutting out my deck, which has the card art from the Buddha Tarot but meanings from Buddhist sutra texts, I could feel a sort of presence within the stack of cards right away. I did a deck interview and got very clear answers about how the deck felt about me and wanted to work with me - it doesn’t care at ALL how other people think of it and will only deliver the honest truth from its point of view. I still haven’t really figured out what the spirit of my deck is, but I suspect that it’s derived in a way from the collective consciousness of all the cards within it - a sort of make-shift divinatory Buddhist messenger of wisdom drawing from all the Buddhist spirits and symbols represented by each card in the deck. I love my deck dearly, and for now, I’m so happy with it as the only one I own.” - Mod Fire

Lena’s Linestrider Tarot Deck

“I hadn't been doing much divination lately because my Linestrider deck is pretty serious and requires a lot of contemplation and reflection when I do a reading and I hadn't had an occasion when I needed that voice lately. Well today I did my Litha spread which was pretty encouraging but heavy, and then I did a deck interview spread even though I've had the deck for about three months. First of all: the "who are you/essence of the deck" card was the Queen of Pentacles. The book it came with described it as "If the Queen cards were embodied as friends that you went to for advice, the Queen of Pentacles would invite you to her beautiful plant-filled kitchen for homemade bread and soothing herbal tea." I couldn't have described the personality of this deck any better! The rest of the reading was super encouraging and reflective of the deck. I feel like we've really connected and I can read better from them now.” - Lena, @katialena

Lena’s Mini Tarot Deck

“I have this mini deck I got from Coles back in January and it's been good for learning the meanings and getting used to readings as a beginner because it was pretty straightforward. But ever since I got the Linestrider this deck (I call it my travel deck or my pocket deck) has had a bit of an attitude problem every time I tried to use it, like it was petulant and jealous. I was getting frustrated and contemplating resetting and cleansing the deck to give away since we clearly were not clicking anymore. But today I was on a tarot roll so I decided to do a simpler deck interview spread with it to kind of just "Why not?" WELL, let me tell you I was floored by the results. 

I started as a casual conversation like "listen, I'm open to this conversation, talk to me" and the cards were SO snarky! The "who are you" card was the 8 of Swords and was basically saying "I'm a stubborn, straightforward, tongue in cheek kinda guy, but reserve your ultimatums and keep an open mind even if it's not pretty.” And the rest of the cards followed that lead talking about the strength as being cutthroat honest and the limits being super carefree like "I don't give a fuck" and at the end when I asked if I would be able to use reversals with this deck (clarification card) it told me that further exploration and learning would be my strength, but also to tread with caution. I really appreciated the candor of the conversation so I shuffled the cards so they would be all mixed up and different directions and when I had them all mixed and in a pile I felt this huge surge of power unlike anything I've ever felt from the tarot before. It actually brought me to my knees and made my eyes sting. When I felt it had absorbed/passed I brought them together and they seemed to buzz with new energy and purpose. Since then I’ve kept my travel deck with me in case it calls me for a quick warning or piece of advice.” - Lena, @katialena

Lotus’ Tarot Deck

“I’ve noticed that all of my decks have very distinct personalities - and I feel like with that, a spirit that embodies this personality. The deck I most often use has a very strong,  brutally honest, alpha-male, warrior-like spirit. The deck and I work extremely well together, it delivers honest readings and never sugarcoats its answers. I get my strongest, clearest readings from it, in part due to the spirit's personality and due to our connection.” - Lotus, @lotusulfr   

Mod WInd’s Elemental Tarot Deck

“My deck, who I call N, definitely has a (what I perceive as feminine) spirit. She’s very straight with me but kind, and pleasant most of the time. I think she has a very calming presence, even when I’m not reading from her. I have another deck but N is my go to for true advice and when I need to really hear something, my trusted deck. She’s become a great friend to me even though I don’t talk to her often knowing she’s near brings me peace. She can be silly but usually is more calming and pleasant, while being straight. Like a soft light in darkness.”  -Mod Wind

—> Have questions? Send them to us at SpiritFAQ!

Rites Of Passage - Day 78

(Here is some music to listen to while reading this)

Enfado Tribe (Cole, Jaiden, Eddie, Matthias, Dylan)

AJ -  Putting you all the same because I didn’t get to play with you guys in the beginning. If y’all didn’t go it would have been my tribe and I would not be here so thanks for losing? Again, sorry.

Brandan -  Cole,Jordan campaigned hard to get you back into this game. From what I read of your bio I believe you would have either became a massive threat or you would have ended up like my friend Nin: All bark no bite and a second boot. You seem cool though.  Dylan, Hey Halloween, why do you have to be so racist to not let us pick you to come back? I mean really?  Eddie, You know I tried to get you back into the game, because you seemed cool and I hated the argument between bring in Tyler or.  Jaiden, From what I heard of everyone you seemed like a mess. Literally, the entire tribe ruled out bringing you back in from the get go. Don’t know what you did to do that, but yeah they really didn’t want you in. Matthias, You know, during that last challenge I completely forgot you were in the game XD, I literally had NO idea who you were. I want to get to know you though.

Eva -  Matthias, Not gonna lie I was DREADING seeing you on the cast bc after Bora Bora I was definitely kind of rude to you and I'm sorry about that! I definitely wish we'd gotten a chance to play together just to make up for all of that. Cole, Dylan, Eddie, Jaiden, I've never met you guys and we didn't get any chance to speak so I really don't have anything to say! Sorry <3

James - Matthias, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter. Jaiden, Might have caused a mess if you got a foothold in the game since you're a bit of a schemer which could have shaken things up. Eddie, My original partner in Newfoundland, once again I watched as you got booted first ;_; Dylan, I was excited to potentially play with you but it just wasn't in the cards I suppose. Cole, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter 

Shea

AJ -  Hope you are doing okay actually.

Brandan -  You know you seemed cool, and then you quit, and I heard why from a close friend of mine, and to be honest I’m kind of happy you left

Eva - Hope you are okay

James -  Hope everything is alright with you surrounding the reasons for your quit

Victor

AJ -  I heard a lot of things about you going into the season, a lot of really good things so when I saw you out first I was SHOOK. Sorry bud!

Brandan -  I honest to god though you didn’t deserve to go the round you did. You tried so hard in that challenge and I thought you would have stayed! Well I guess the idol’s fucked you over, but it’s a game, I think we can all say fuck Dustin for the roulette of idols.

Eva -  Another Bora Bora person ahhhh. Just like Matthias I wasn't excited to see you but in hindsight I'm sure that was an overreaction.

James -  RIP victor @ all those idols getting played.

Aidan

AJ -  OMG AIDAN <3 Voting you out was really hard because it was the first tribal but you also self-voted so I don’t feel that bad….

Brandan -  You were so inactive you got voted out unanimously with an idol in your pocket. Like what the hell dude.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Zack

AJ - Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  Don’t know much of you, other than you got a ton of praise for coming back and playing. I don’t know much about my tumblr survivor history however I’ll try to catch up.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Seamus

AJ -  Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  : I honestly thought that you would have either survived the tribe or left much earlier due to you being the only winner in the game. In your vote out I thought Connor was a gonner. Turns out I was wrong. Good game.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Steven

AJ -  After you went I figured that my original tribe was going to be targeted (which was and also wasn’t the case) but I heard that you kinda just disappeared. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Ditto everything I said about Aidan. Except you lasted longer, and you were my last pick I believe.

Eva -  OMG I don't think you ever accepted my contact request but RIP! I think you were probably busy which I can definitely relate to :v

James - Started on Brown then went to Yellow.

Ricky

AJ -  LMFAO. Okay Ricky you were causing way too much shit for no reason and when I found out that you all were doing Andrei I had to take that opportunity to take you out. You had too many connections and were stirring the pot for no reason. Sorry!

Brandan -  Fr om what I heard from others you and Billy were like this huge duo premade whatever schablang. So ultimately I’m a bit mixed on you. You seemed cool, but I’m glad you're out. So much confusing emotions.

Eva -  Never got a chance to speak to you either!

James -  Another person I was never on a tribe with, rip idols

Jacob

AJ -  UGH Jacob why did you have to get 3 strikes! I missed having conversations with you and was so happy when we slayed the scavenger hunt to beat 15th place! Miss you!

Brandan - The amount of knowledge I know about you is so little that I only remembered you due to your skype picture. A Serperior. Yeah not a good impression, and then you go and get yourself medevaced.

Eva -  omg THE Jacob Albright what a king. I don't think we've ever had a chance to play more than like, two days worth of game together but what a god.

James -  We were together for a good part of the pre-merge yet... I still don't think we ever interacted? I don't know if you interacted with anyone? Your presence was quite an enigma leading up to your evacuation.

Jevvon

AJ -  Jev ill be honest, I don’t know why I refused to vote you. You were very inactive and didn’t have a computer but I thought you were a really nice person. Hope everything is going well in the U.K

Brandan -  I AM SO FUCKING GLAD I PUT YOU ON THE OTHER TRIBE. I expected you to go WAY earlier than you did because of you lack of computer. Why you were never voted out I will never know. Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a computer. It will help you in the long run if you play another one of these games. Thank you.

Eva -  The first Negacion to go! We were such a great starting tribe but I definitely didn't get to know you as well as the others sadly.

James -  Your self voting yourself into a tie and eventually out of the game was pretty lolzworthy and was a pretty fitting end to your story.

Tyler

AJ -  : Flop bitch! JK! We slayed the premerge together and then I think things got too busy in life for you so that’s where the 3 strikes come in. I’m not sure if you leaving hurt or helped me but I hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  All I know about you is that you tried to vote me out, you didn’t talk fucking game with anyone, you were useless, and you got medevaced. I was honestly sad to see you go, only because everyone was gonna target you first vote XD.

Eva -  OMG your idol play being the thing that put me on the lagoon...well, it was my own fault but still, it's so funny thinking back on that.

James -  You were a mess of an ally. It was fun playing with you for the hot second we were together on a tribe but you really did get all those strikes over literally nothing LOL. N e ways your evac probably helped me in the long-run so I'm not to sad hehe.

Monty

AJ -  I voted for you 2 or 3 times and I don’t regret it. You didn’t really care about this game and caused unnecessary drama. Bye!

Brandan -  Okay so I heard all these rumors about you being a big threat and all of that stuff and I honestly thought you were too passive to pull it off. Give or take you did get idoled out and eventually lost in the Lagoon but yeah, I think you are a good player, you just need to believe in yourself more.

Eva -  Ahhh it sucks that you just didn't have time for the game anymore (again: relatability) but I did enjoy the one talk we got to have at the lagoon!

James -  Another player I never interacted with, must suck to know you were so close to merge only for 3 people to essentially quit right when it hit ;_;

Jordan 

AJ -  omg Jordan. You caused a LOT of waves in the last two rounds in this game that kinda set up how the merge would play out. I really wish you didn’t give up on the lagoon but im happy I got to see you play this game!

Brandan -  Jordan my friend. I tried so hard to save you. SO. FUCKING. HARD. I literally tried blackmailing Bodhi and everything but at that point he was too close to Austin (Look how that turned out XD). I think I’m the only person in this game that actually knew you at heart, your a cool dude, amazing personality, and overall fun to be around. Hopefully you let everyone know your true self so they all don’t think of you as a pathological liar <3

Eva -  Another Bora Bora rep <3 your argument with Austin is by far the most interesting thing that ever happened at the lagoon and I was gagging the whole time.

James - You were a bit of a bitch to me but at the end of the day I am sorry I didn't use an idol on you. I was a bit paranoid and the last minute aspect of it all had me overthinking it. However you did stop trying at the lagoon when 10 minutes of effort would have won you immunity so I don't feel that bad!

Connor

AJ -  DAD!!!!!!!! I miss you so much omg. I’m really happy that I got to meet you during this game because you are such a sweet person. Can’t wait to send you random snaps all the time!

Brandan -  You know I never understood why you hated me. Maybe it was just because I refused to lay down and die. Maybe it was because I snapped at you when I knew you wanted me out. I don’t know. But you and I had a little rivalry throughout the early portion of the merge, and I campaigned HARD to get you out when you did. Didn’t work out the way I intended but hey, I still won out. Maybe sometime we can sit down, have some hot cocoa, and maybe become friends :).

Eva -  You definitely came in to the lagoon with a lot to say and plenty on your mind. I actually spoke more to you than a lot of people in the game which is weird in hindsight but you were a lot easier to carry a conversation with than some.

James -  We never really talked until a couple hours before the tribal you went at where your tone kinda turned me off. I saw you as a solid vote against me so that was pretty much the reason behind getting you out though at the end of the day.

Lil AJ

AJ -  WE GOT TO PLAY TOGETHER THIS TIME! Ugh when I saw you on the cast I was so happy yet so sad because I knew we would be paired together. Im glad we were because even though we didn’t spend a lot of time in the game together, I had a lot of fun strategizing and scheming with you <3 Love ya!

Brandan - You were literally the only person I was blunt about voting off. At the point I told you my mind was set in stone, and I figured I just be honest with you than extend false hope. I hope you find happiness with your puppy! Even though I only knew you for 3 days, you seemed really cool :)

Eva -  ughhhh this really sucked. When the four of us knew it was the last lagoon and someone had to go I had a really hard time actually deciding who to vote for. I wasn't going to turn on Andrei no matter what and I didn't want to vote Brandan either so it came down to you :/. At least you returned the favor so it felt a bit less crappy, still sucked though!

James -  I thought for sure you were gonna return from the lagoon but then you got robbed at the very end ;_;

Jay

AJ -  I honestly think this should be flipped. Jay I thought you had what it took to win. This boot was such a shock to me. I thought you would be the last person from our tribe in this game. You are a strong threat in any game you are in (BBHELL, Tumblr Survivor, etc.) Im so happy we finally got to bond over a game together and I’m excited to talk to you in a few days!

Brandan -  There are so many words I can use to describe you it’s not even funny. All of them are positive, but what can you do. You were a seriously good player, and I understand Austin’s decision to target you instead of someone else. I seriously appreciate you giving me an immunity necklace that brought me back in, it was super nice of you. Even though it kind of did fuck you over that tribal.

Eva -  oh my god there is soooo much I can say about you Jay, you were probably one of the first people I truly aligned with when we swapped together. I put a lot of trust into you and I was genuinely excited to return from the lagoon to play with you and some other people. But needless to say, It's Complicated starring Meryl Streep. I'm sure we'll discuss it at length either when I join jury or I'm at FTC!

James -  You were a huge player in this game, I viewed you as being one of if not the most well connected player. Pretty much the full package, just so happened we were on different sides come merge.

Matt

AJ -  We never really got to talk this game but you seem cool! H.A.G.S! No but seriously im sorry that you went inactive but that is kind of what I relied on that round. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Matt my buddy! I’m sorry that you left on a self vote huge blindside. I honest to god though no one in their right fucking mind would take you out. Seems like I was wrong huh? Oh well, you were funny and a truly nice guy. I hope you're enjoying ponderosa! And let me know how that thing with your boss went you never told me the resolution!

Eva -  You were probably my favorite person to talk to on OG Negacion. We actually stayed together for the whole game before I Cirie'd myself so I saw you as one of my top people in this season. But we definitely fell out of touch later on and I'm sure you have a lot going on right now so it's no surprise.

James -  - You were a fun presence throughout the game and it was fun to see someone not take themselves too seriously. Hope everything is okay as you're apparently still mia ;_;

Austin

AJ -  LMFAOOOOOO. Austin you know from BBHell that we really don’t mesh and this game proved otherwise. I think we were both on the same page that we needed to keep lying to each other but keep each other close at the same time. It was fishy. You are a really strong player in all aspects of the word but you leaving made me VERY happy. Enjoy jury!

Brandan -  Okay here we go. Austin, I love you personality wise. I think you truly are an amazing guy, with amazing stories and that stuff. However, at the point of your vote out you just lost trust with everyone, which is why you got voted out. Although I didn’t vote for you that round, I tried to spare you from that vote. However… people had other ulterior motives. Other than one of your plans getting me sent to the lagoooooooooooooooooooon and yelling at me after the Jordan vote you are really cool :).

Eva -  Not much to say here :v just kidding! Austin I'm sure you still see me as some manner of snake. I definitely don't think I am and hopefully, like Jay, we can discuss it at length later on but for now I'll say I definitely had your back and trusted you with some pretty important things :v

James -  At first I was a bit hesitant to FULLY trust you with how messy the round was when Brandon went home. However, I am glad we got on the same page because the next 3 rounds it was fun the way we schemed together even when things seemed super hopeless.

Billy

AJ -  Ok this was a tough one. I won’t go into the details of why I flipped just yet but it was one of the hardest choices I had to make in this game. Billy, from the swap I knew that we were going to be close allies. Despite us voting against each other for majority of the votes, you were someone that I knew I could be real with and that you would be real back. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to talk to you soon! Enjoy Kohl’s!

Brandan -  My dude! I didn’t flip on you! You were actually a really cool guy, and one of the people I connected with most in this game. You just seemed so… genuine, it was a breath of relief that I desperately needed. I think your grandpa would be really proud of you if you ever did this shit in real life, I think you give his memory a good name.

Eva -  We were never really aligned in the game but by the time we actually started talking to each other I found you to be a pretty cool guy. We actually have a lot in common and idk, regardless of how the game turns out I can definitely say getting to know you a bit was a fun aspect.

James -  - We had a bit of an adversarial relationship early on in the merge. I was genuine about potentially working with you but unfortunately it never really panned out. At the end of the day I know you're a nice guy though and our interests just never fully aligned.

Andrei

AJ -  My last OG Abatimiento <3. This vote was difficult too. However Andrei, you overlapped in a lot of groups and I had a strong feeling I wasn’t in your long term game. Despite that, I loved getting to meet you in this game Andrei. You are such a sweet and kind person and I hope that we can continue to talk after the game.

Brandan -  You know I never really understood why you tried to turn on me. I thought I was being honest with you and straightforward. Either you saw me as a threat or I just didn’t say something, I don’t know. But I wanted you to stay longer, you were really cool to be around. Upupupupupupu~~~~

Eva -  Ugh you going home started my spiral of being depressed with this game! You were probably my bestie in this game. We're closer to each other in age than we are to some of these others, we have a lot of the same interests, and I just enjoyed our talks. Definitely gutted when you left and I wish I'd been able to change it.

James -  You were a fun presence in the game after you returned from the lagoon. At the end of the day I just viewed you as a bigger threat than Brandon which led me to vote you out.

Renee

AJ -  Renee…. We got to meet right at the merge but we never really talked game for most of the merge. It was a weird feeling. However, you are a very sweet person and you are the QUEEN of Dustin’s seasons!

Brandan -  You are super sweet, and honestly I can’t say a bad thing about you. You were just like this bright little ray of sunshine, and even though everyone else literally said you didn’t talk to them, I didn’t see that at all. I’m sorry things ended the way they did, but you are an amazing person, remember that.

Eva -  Had my legacy advantage been transferrable you know 100% I would've given it to you. I wanted you to stay in so badly! I like avoid speaking whenever I can but even I was able to muster up the courage to try to change the way the vote was going. Absolutely devastated to lose you for sure.

James -  - Us coming together with Eva at final 8 was genuinely one of if not my favorite moment in the game and at the time I was being genuine about it. Then I remembered about the legacy advantage and your potential ties with Andrei and my path to the end which kind of changed my thoughts. I am probably the one you were referencing at tribal about ignoring you since I lowkey did ghost you that round and that was probably a mistake on my part along with the deception at final 7 so for that I am sorry.

Bodhi

AJ -  Last one! Bodhi I loved us bonding over how much we both despised Austin. If you two were secretly working together for real im not sure but I enjoyed the conversations. Overall, Bodhi you were a strong player in this game and a huge threat to win it all. I hope you are surviving on jury and I cant wait to talk to you soon.

Brandan -  Well I’ll put you out of your misery. I was the third. I absolutely adore you as a person, and you are one of the coolest guys here. However, you were also very strategic, and made a lot of votes happen. I’ve wanted you out for a while, and hey, it happened. I still feel bad for the way you/Austin broke apart but hey, partly my fault. I hope you two get back together!

Eva - I think this marks the third straight time I just didn't vote correctly at all. We had a lovely call before the vote that I enjoyed and I completely saw your POV but apparently the others didn't! I definitely would've gunned for you next because you played a great game, though.

James -  If someone asked me during some of the early merge rounds that we would be working together during the late-game then I would have thought they were crazy. They way you can think thought situations is actually very tactful and that pretty much cemented my view of you as a huge threat. It was cool though to talk to you more one on one past your tribal persona though.

i’ve been playing a shit ton of da:i lately bc i missed my inquisitor so imma talk about him a bit idk

i decided on twitter that i was going to have him be a sort of mixture of all my favorite things about the previous inquisitors i made that i got rid of like 6 months ago so:

- he’ll get a fade related tattoo on whats left of his arm after solas takes it - he cuts his hair off when solas leaves, it grows back some by the time trespasser takes place (so he goes from the long hair w/ undercut to buzzed, and then it’ll be one of the shorter styles idk yet we’ll see when we get there) - he believes in both the maker and the dalish gods

somewhere in his tag like 9 months ago i made a post about his relationship w/ all the companions/advisors and i need to revisit the important ones so:

cassandra: they’re even closer than i expected them to be, her faith in him means so much and he really respects and loves her, she’s like an older sister to him? she’s very important to him, and whenever he doubts himself its her faith and belief in the inquisition and him that holds him up.

solas: they’re still gay sorry bioware you can’t stop me from romancing him in my head w/ a dude fuck you solas is bi FUCK YOU. anyways, i’:m edging closer to the end of the game every second so things between them are currently...stressed. mahvir loves solas, but he can tell something is.... off. and after their fight about mahvir’s choice to drink from the well of sorrows, its been strained. it hasnt happened yet but when solas leaves, its gonna... its gonna hurt mahvir really bad. god trespasser is going to be so depressing for him.

cole: i dont think i had them be as close as they are now originally, but mahvir often finds peace with cole. everything is so stressful and hectic and scary, but with cole he can sit on the castle walls and look at clouds and birds and just. ground himself in those moments. he also thinks cole is hilarious, and teaches him lots of jokes, and tells him a lot of stories. cole is a good learner, and listener.

sera: he and sera are thick as thieves of course. they did argue about what happened in the arbor wilds, but she relented and lets him have his beliefs, regardless of how nonsensical and stupid she thinks they are. they settled it, and it doesnt come up now. instead, the have target practice, and pull pranks to keep up morale (and because its fucking fun) mahvir worries about her, because she’s so much more visibly stressed/scared than anyone else, but he doesnt tell her that. 

blackwall: blackwall is still like, the most fatherly figure in mahvirs life. the whole thom rainer thing really shook him for awhile, but he forgives quickly. at least, more quickly than others. they dont talk about it, really. but mahvir often stops by the stables to see how blackwall is holding up, and just to enjoy his company. 

dorian: dorian and mahvir are very close. they are often exchanging books and having chess matches in the garden, or just... talking. mahvir gets into the habit of grabbing random recruits and asking them to take very important messages to dorian, which are actually just scribbles and jokes. dorian thinks its hilarious, and responds in kind. 

i havent gotten there with him yet but im just gonna talk about trespasser feels bc its all i can think about its like looming over me:

so when solas leaves after end game mahvir is gonna cry and be a huge baby because he’s soft and he’s young and thats his vhenan, why did he leave? he doesnt understand and pesters the advisors to expend resources to find him, but to no avail. he doesnt want to be found. 

after awhile, mahvir throws himself completely into inquisition business, it worries a lot of people, but he’s stopped openly weeping in the rotunda so its a start, maybe. they don’t know that most nights he dreads sleep, and stays awake crying or staring at the fireplace despondently. he only sleeps when exhaustion catches up with him. 

and after that.... he gets it together. things go back to normal, he goes back to normal, and before he knows it, its the Exalted Council. 

he and josie are doing so much, working so hard, trying their hardest to keep the inquisition alive, when shit hits the fan.

when he sees solas again, he has so many emotions rush over him at once he falls to his knees under the weight of it all in his chest. relief, love, heartache, sorrow. 

solas talks to him, and mahvir tries to make him see reason. solas takes the anchor, gently, and mahvir is beside himself with grief and confusion. 

he’ll keep the inquisition going, they’re strong and they’ll need to be, to find out how to stop solas.