#there are too many insightful and intelligent people in this fandom
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The X-Files 30th Anniversary
Day 7: 30th Anniversary Extravaganza
Today, I'm thanking The X-Files community for bringing me across a wonderful show-- its amazing cast and writers and fans-- and inspiring me to get back on my own creative hobbyhorse.
My Thanks
Being a part of a collective who want to celebrate this show and others' creative endeavors with heartfelt good wishes has been exciting, fun... and humbling.
My special thanks to the many people who welcomed me with open arms and contribute to this space, even if it's "simply" (but it's never just anything, is it?) answering asks or reblogging or even liking a random post that passed from one blog to another.
There are too many to list, so I'll just chat about my most remembered moments:
@baronessblixen, for being so kind and encouraging that you drew me out of the anon shadows; for liking what I create; for giving me a logical mind to bounce my ideas off of in asks; and for inadvertently teaching me the joy of appreciating animal videos (and convincing me, along with Vavie, to watch Return to Me.)
@dd-is-my-guiltypleasure, for our cherished Duchovny talks; for your heart and your amazingly detailed dedication; for your artbook that I prize dearly; and for your warmth and good humor.
@suitablyaggrieved, for your spectacular and refreshing meta takes; for persevering in your creative works and this fandom; and for sharing the progress pics of your beautiful X-Files themed sweater.
@welsharcher, for being my mini Kermit-loving pool noodle~ (I love brightening your day as much as your messages brighten mine); for your gifs and posts that make my heart soar; and for our shared, priceless sense of humor.
@agent-troi, for being a solidly intelligent third party to the Pre-S1 Mulder Singleton Club; for your hilarious hashtags and great insights; and for your amazing fic output.
@mondfuchs/@annablume, for swapping XF fic recs in my early Tumblr days; and for making my year by drawing my little boopy-tongued tiger in Mulder's arms to celebrate our collective birthday (post here. Still makes me sappy thinking about it~.)
@amplifyme, for returning to Tumblr and giving me a chance to meet you; for sharing your excellent BATB series (in general and Nan Dibble in particular); and for sharing your thoughts as you slowly peel back the psyche of Vincent and the worlds Above and Below.
@demon-fetal-harvest, for being one of the first to die over my Scully Les Miserables amv (it's one of my favorites I love to rewatch; and I think of you every time I do); and for your hilarious reblogs and even more hilarious tags.
@xxsksxxx and @two-microscopes for being the first to reblog and like during a rough time. I'll cherish that moment forever~.
@medicaldoctordana, for being cool and creative and driven; and for hating the mainstream MBTI system as much as I do (and for your philosophy recs-- will get around to them someday.)
@ibringyouasong89, for being my fellow warrior in the trenches. We're new of acquaintance, but I think this will be a beauuuuuuuuuutiful friendship~. ;))))
@writingwell, @enigmaticdrblockhead, and @perpetually-weirdening, @spidey-is-tired, @cyb3rpeach, @scullys-scalpel, @frogsmulder, @teenie-xf, @dreamingofscully, @freckleslikestars, @cecilysass, @slippinmickeys, @gabby-msr, @thatfragilecapricorn30, @television-overload, @pianogirlxf @mollybecameanengineer, and @settle-down-frohike for being mutually supportive and welcoming. The world is both large and small; and I'm glad my path was able to intersect with yours.
And thank you to the silent-but-always-theres who take the time to drop in and give my posts the time of day~: @samucabd, @sonictacocat, @kiivitaja, @freckleslikestars, @nimlurks, @redteekal, @mindibindi, @marinas5099, @chavisory, @sizzlingempathspybat, @enigmaticxbee, @inflappible, @metamayou, @invidiosa, @txcb1013, @dytttt, @borogirl, @agentbluefox, @agentwhalesong, and ALL OF YOU. I can't tag anymore because Tumblr is tapping me out; but I include you-- yes, you-- in this as well.
My Projects
While The X-Files turned 30, my fandom experience turned (a little over) a year old! Wow, time does fly when you're... speed typing out multiple essays worth of fic rec lists, meta analyses, and personality typing posts (or even wrangling a video editor, compressor, and uncooperative Tumblr site to upload an amv.)
My full list of accomplishments can be found here; but these are a few highlights that were standouts to me personally:
My First Fic
randomfoggytiger’s Son of Egypt (Prince of Egypt twist on television-overload's what if: Samantha adopted and raised William.)
Fic Rec Lists
Meet the Mulders
Creepy and Cozy Cabins
Time Travel, Time Loops, and Just Wrong Timing
Car Wrekt
S9 Mulder Stays or Returns While the Mytharc Barrels On
Fics That Deserve More Comments (Part I)
Poll Results Fic: 1st Place- Scully Injured but In-Charge
Poll Results Fic: 2nd Place- Cleaning Out the Vineyard House
Poll Results Fic: 3rd Place-- Tithonus Mother Hen Mulder
The Field Where I Fix-It Fic-ed
Analysis Posts
Arcadia Analysis: Scully Was Enjoying Herself Immensely
Never Again: An Intensive Essay (and its paired twin: Never Again and Fear)
One Son: An Intense, One-Shot Analysis of “You’re Making This Personal”
The Mulder Family In-Depth (Part VI): Talitha Cumi and Tena's Lies
S5 Is a Pretty Dark Time for Mulder
The Scully Family In-Depth (Part VII): Mulder, Maggie, Melissa, and the Snake
Mulder Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?
Scully Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?
Mulder and Dreams
Milagro In-Depth (Part II): Loneliness Is a Choice and Lamps Go Dark
How the Ghosts Stole Christmas In-Depth: Full Analysis
Scully Is the Conduit Conductor and Mulder Is the Dancer
How Scully Taught Mulder to Hug
Mulder and Dreams
CSM Inflicted Insanity On the Syndicate
Fire and False Romance, Ice and Love
All IVF Roads Lead Away from The Unnatural and to Millennium
Jungian Personality Typing Posts
{{Extraction: Proving Mulder Is an INTP, Not an INFJ/INFP}}
SCULLY, The Enigmatic ISTJ
XF Fanvids/AMVs
Les Miserables AMV: Scully's Solo
The Muppets AMV: Drivin’ Right Along
Fiddler on the Roof AMV: Mulder and Samantha
Bonus Content (Fandom Adjacent)--
React: "Return to Me" from the POV of Someone Averse to RomComs
Personality Typing: Return to Me
HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY, XF!
And cheers to all~!
Enjoy!
#txf#dailytxf#xf30th#30th Anniversary#Day 7#Extravaganza#Collector's Edition#fic#amv#xf fanvid#Typing#Personality Types#analysis#meta#xf meta#mine#Mulder#Scully#fandom#xf fandom#xfiles#x-files#the x files#xf fic#xf fanfic
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Hi Rainbowsky
Hope you are doing well.
Happy Halloween!! Hope you enjoyed your day well!!
Few days back, I was reading a fanfic where the plot was OOL shooting and some photo leaks BTS causing ripples in yizhan relationship..
I know it's a fic, but the plot is so real.. I just wanted to know was there something like this back then...
Coz in those times I was not into turtledom so I have no Idea..
Hi Anon, Thanks, I did enjoy my Halloween! I hope you did too! 👻
Fake, fan fiction, CPN.
There were some set photos (props for the show) that were 'leaked' at one point and caused a stir among some turtles, and often held up by antis to try to hurt turtles. HOWEVER.
That does not mean they caused any stir at all in GGDD's relationship. Remember, they are both actors and know full well what that entails. IMNSHO there is zero chance that DD was upset in any way by the photos.
Perhaps you don't need this reminder, Anon, but just for the sake of it I want to reiterate that fan fiction is fiction, even - and I'd say especially - when the plot seems real or follows the real timeline of events.
Fan fiction about GG and DD is totally invented, and authors have no special insight into GG and DD's feelings, thoughts or real life experiences. It's their job as writers to bring stories to life and make them seem credible, but no matter how credible it seems, it's still entirely fictional.
I know that sounds lecturey and obvious, but you have no idea how many times during my years in this fandom that I've had stories from fan fiction reported to me as 'things that actually happened', and seen fans vehemently argue that fictional events were real.
Fan fiction is an open frontier. People can write whatever they want. But the more a story follows real events about real people, the more it stresses me out. There are unfortunately a lot of people who have a hard time distinguishing between fiction and reality.
And this is something that can creep up on just about anyone without their realizing. Turtles are faced with a TON of information from various sources, so much that it's hard to keep up. The more fandom information we take in over time the easier it is for us to forget where we saw or heard something, and to accidentally mistake something we read in a fic for something that actually happened.
This is why I vastly prefer AU stories over ones that try to build a narrative around actual events and fictionalize GGDD's real lives. I 100% support people's right to write 'fandom timeline' stories if they want to, but that doesn't mean I'll enjoy them or recommend them.
So while you read these stories, Anon, please keep in mind that very important point:
Fan fiction is fiction. Always.
It's also very common for turtles, including fan fic authors, to glamorize or romanticize jealousy. There's nothing romantic about jealousy. It's a very toxic emotion that can lead to bad - even dangerous - behavior. I personally believe it's insulting toward GG and DD to paint either one of them as 'the jealous type'.
There's a huge amount of disinformation floating around about the OOL photos, including claims that DD was wildly jealous and totally freaked out over them. I find that notion absurd and even offensive. It is insulting to DD's level of emotional intelligence, and makes uncharitable assumptions about his level of trust and respect for GG.
As I said, GG and DD are actors, and they know what that entails.
More on that here.
You can read more about the photos in some of my past posts.
The photos and turtles reactions
Confirmation they were fake props
Why some people believed they were real
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"Her songs and art reflect someone completely different"//
OMG yes! Like not to go off on too much of a tangent here but it always bugs me when people dismiss Taylor for writing 'break up songs' and reduce her to 'oh watch out [insert man here] she'll write a song about you when you break up with her'! Yes she has those songs, but loads of artists do?? (Like I don't see anyone complaining about the male artists who write about their break ups, ahem) And to your point, she has way more songs that AREN'T about [current man] that show intelligence, thoughtfulness, insight, wit... She puts some serious effort into her songs and it shows, but only for people who don't still see her as a teenager writing about her crushes. It's super sexist and I can't fathom why she does this (other than the money ofc)
YES
I’m not joking when I call her the songwriter/lyricist of our generation. I have never listened to another artists who has so many individual lyrics that give me full body goose bumps every time I hear them. She is a master of intelligent, layered, historical storytelling and even if they don’t realize, that’s why all branches of the fandom love her—her ability to tease out the human experience in her art
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It's that time again! Tell me about some of your favorite blogs, why they are your favorite, and tag them to fill the dashboard with positivity and love!
a selection of some of my faves in no particular order, of course 💌
@heroesbyler — my wife, my dearest, and my mike. one of my first friends in this fandom and someone that i trust so much i'd give her my social security number if she asked. stav is super intelligent (in so many ways), kind, funny, thoughtful, brave, and observant. her analyses punch me in the tit and kill me dead. she speaks clearly and with conviction. she stays true to her beliefs and doesn't say or do things just to appease the masses, which is, for whatever reason, a rarity in this fandom. a lovely person inside and out, really and truly—her kindness and empathy blows me away, and makes my heart feel all fuzzy. my mom's a big fan based on what i've told her dfjdshb. a great blog to follow if you want to take a deeper look at the characters on our screens, not just will and mike, and how all of the themes, messages, and journeys in this show reinforce each other. also if you like to laugh. :')
@miwism — mal is the most creative person i've had the honor of meeting in this fandom. super kind, super funny, and super inventive. one of the very few people that have managed to make me laugh out loud—and not just once, but repeatedly. so many posts that i'll randomly remember months later and bust out into giggles over. best fics, best art, best posts, best ideas, and best additions to your posts, too. seriously, mal, i've secretly wondered if you've ever done improv before because your ability to take an idea and expand on it is just that great. i love them, i want to hug them, and if they asked me to drop everything on a thursday to go to publix with them, i would. idec if it'd take me hours to get there, i Would and it'd be worth it. 💚
@wiseatom — just thinking about her fics makes me tear up on the spot. i've cried after reading her work multiple times, even on rereads, because a) they were so good that i felt devastated that it was over, and b) i would never experience that magical First Time Reading feeling again. thea's just overall talented out the fucking wazoo—like, it's actually insane. she's a talented writer, a talented artist, a true creative, so eloquent, so charming, and such a delight. i could never meet her irl and keep my composure because i would just be on my fan behavior without a way to turn it off. she'd try to talk to me and i'd just be staring at her dreamily like this: 😍🥹😊🥰💕.
@sayyourprayers — if nobody got me, i know they got me. 🫂 even when i think i'm being sneaky, they still know exactly what i'm talking about, which i am choosing to believe is a part of our superior warriors bond as well as them being very smart, and not just me being as easy to read as a toddler book. they're very funny and very straightforward. no bullshit whatsoever. i always read their tags and replies, and find them to be really insightful and witty. they're another individual that has their own beliefs and interpretations and doesn't change them based on what's currently popular or not. i like that, because i personally hate when shit starts sounding like an echo chamber. overall, i just really love their blog! i always, always tune in to see what they have to say and i find myself smiling whenever i see them in my notes.
@googoogagaeyes — doozy's another real one. she describes herself in her intro post as a lover and a hater and i couldn't agree more (in the best way possible, of course). i think she has a very text-focused and holistic way of tackling the show: she talks about the good, the bad, and the neutral, which i find to be refreshing and desperately needed. i always read everything she writes, whether it's in the tags or in the post itself, and either learn something, laugh, or, as is usually the case, do both. speaking of which, her analyses are always to the point and written in such a way that the reader feels respected. she doesn't drone on or fluff it up, which i appreciate. super eloquent, intelligent, and funny. very much a necessary follow if you enjoy this show and excellent commentary tbh.
@alastyearonearth — alfreddddd ✋🥺 (<- me putting my hand on the screen like the wives of soldiers at war do in dramatic movies)....... oh, alfred. if there's anyone i'm normal about, it's him 👍 (lies) (biggest lie i've ever told in my life actually) (my pants are currently on fire right now) (🚒🧯👨🚒 <- they're here to put me out). i feel like my feelings for him and his blog can be summed up by the fact that when i realized we both went on vacation at around the same time, i was ecstatic because that meant i wouldn't miss his posts. bdfhjbsdkj. he's one of the biggest brains and most generally knowledgeable people here, and it rocks my world every time he says anything. he has an appreciation for canon and the real people whose stories are represented within it that this fandom sorely, and ironically, lacks. also, while i'm on my fan behavior right now, allow me to admit that i would go through his blog sometimes for months before i finally put on my big kid pants and followed him. i'm very much not beating the parasocial allegations and tbh i think it's understandable bc Hello !!!! look at him!!!! (gesticulates wildly in his and his posts' direction). 10/10 would ruin my sleep schedule for him, submit myself to the torture of a 24hr flight for him, go on a museum marathon together, and slather myself in superglue right before hugging him so that we're stuck together forever afterward. necessary follow for anyone that likes to not get pissed off when they log on and enjoys canon, esp will. alfred please can we hang out please alfred whenever you're free please if you'd like to hang out can we please hang out when you are free ple—
@motherthroat — you know that andrew garfield "(you didn't know me at thirteen) i really wish i had" quote? it applies here, because i so wish i'd met him last summer. liking canon will, mike, and byler used to be so lonely and frustrating, but now it isn't anymore and that's largely because of him. if you haven't caught on by now, i like following people that are very frank, and mori's no different. he's not afraid to be bold either. i love his art, his AUs, and his takes. he's funny, treats you the way you treat him, and has a great eye for aesthetics. well. a great eye in general, i think. not to get #deep (or repetitive), but i think he sees more than he lets on, and it really comes out in his art, his headcanons, his interpretations, and the way that he speaks to people. he remembers things and really ponders them. there's a kind of carefulness there that i admire as someone with as much grace as a bull in a china shop. just a cool cat, really.
@cosmobrain00 — MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX! (screamed the same way that will screamed for mike on halloween night). they're literally so talented that it's not even funny anymore. like, their writing is next level and the fact that we can read it for free (wtf!!!!) feels like a crime. their art is so pleasing to look at and i love their style so much. their thoughts on this show and these characters are superb, too. so passionate, so kind, and so loving—and it shows in everything they do. it's always a good time whenever they decide to share their two cents and spit some divine wisdom on us plebs, so i definitely recommend everyone check them and their content out!
@drangues — arush is literally [starts snarling and hissing and snapping and howling at the moon and other cuteness aggression-related things]. sorry, i meant to say he's so bhjfbkdsjhfbdks grrrrrrrr bark bark bark awooooooooo. just unbelievable. unreal. the blueprint. he's my cousin and my friend and my son and my stinkie squishie and also my greatest enemy and bully (he's only consented to two of these, but they're still true). seriously... arush is SO funny. his headcanons are wonderful and #real, his artwork is insanely good and creative and colorful, he's so sweet and silly, and thoughtful and merciful, too. just !!!!!! squishing his face in all ways except physical right now. if you're not following arush drangues then you deserve to get sent straight to the scorpion pit, i feel.
@givehimthemedicine — effortlessly hilarious, kind, bright, and oh so talented in a variety of ways, both creatively and intellectually. and they have the nerve to make it look easy!! like wtf!!! they're also the most likely to drop the most insane observations ever and act like they didn't just change the trajectory of your life forever. pure insanity, i say. they're my favorite blog outside of the byIer bubble and their el's first haunted house post is easily in my top three and i still giggle over it.
@mikeandwillel — when sandy speaks, i listen and take notes. simple as that. a true mike understander and knower. she's posted wonderful analyses on many topics, all of which are super concise, text-based, and show a thorough understanding of storytelling. i love hearing her thoughts on this show and her interpretation of things. i'm especially excited to see what she thinks once we start getting s5 crumbs! oh, and she also posts great edits! :D
@aemiron-main — if loving em is wrong, then i don't wanna be right. if it becomes illegal tomorrow, then call me el because my ass is going to jail asap. he's one of the kindest, funniest, most genuine people on this website. he's always open to discuss things, look at them from a different angle, and share his knowledge. i can't even say that he treats people the way they treat him, because he treats them a lot better. if anything, he's extremely merciful and forgiving lol. he has a wealth of knowledge on a multitude of subjects, an extremely keen eye, and seemingly endless creativity / an open mind. literally a modern day sherlock, but much cooler. also very resilient and tough. and an outstanding artist, too! (what can't he do, sheeeesh!). he's written analyses on what feels like everything about the show at this point, so i'd definitely recommend going through those if you haven't already.
#asks#long post#five years later 🫶#which is to say two entire months later. i am so prompt and punctual and good at replying to things in a timely fashion !#no read more bc i'm giving u guys a thumb work out n u should be thanking me for tht . btw.
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I'm getting really sick of the increasing cultural attitude I've noticed cropping up in recent years that seeks to denigrate fandom as a concept, as if it's indicative of inherent immaturity or some form of corporate brainwashing and represents some kind of delusional crutch that is inherently harmful to a person's "real life".
These views seem to transcend the political compass and just today someone I'm fairly good friends posted a really smug meme about "How to Piss off Your Nerdy Friends" and it shows a Harry Potter fan looking pissed at someone who is pedantically telling them:
"Your inability to form any sense of identity outside of the media you consume so much so that you have created the word 'fandom' to define it is nothing more than glorified commodity fetishism exploited by media that makes money off selling the 'nerd' identity."
And like...the number of embedded assumptions in there is truly staggering. Some of the most intelligent, creative, analytical, and engaging people I've ever met are friends I've made through fandom activities, and that stereotype describes none of them.
It's really a shame to me that now the words "nerd" and "fandom" have become conflated in so many people's minds with being a substitute for the lack of traditional values/religion/myths/survival activities and that being passionate about fiction must mean you don't care about real life and aren't trying hard enough, or are selfish/conformist/stupid/etc.
Yes, there exist true normies who literally don't/can't think critically about any media they consume, but it's just bizarre to me that fandom which is literally just definable as people chilling and vibing and sharing insights and art over shared interest in particular media is being equated to a lack of personality or capacity for independent thought when fan communities entertain such a large amount of discourse that is informed by and has implications for subjects that apply to the real world. Yet those contributions and discussions are perceived to have no value because they pertain to fiction, and any artworks made in that context are considered doubly worthless because that fiction was originally produced by others.
But even aside from that, there's the quite toxic idea I still see cropping up over and over again that there must be no intrinsic value in people having fun and relaxing and investing their time in things they enjoy. It often goes even further into the specter of "cringe culture" wherein these activities will get mocked *more* viciously at times even if they're helping someone cope with with chronic issues like trauma or stress or neurodivergence and are helping that person connect with others when it's harming literally no one and is obviously a net positive for that person's overall standard of living.
It really goes to show that so many people are way too hung up on fetishizing adulthood to the point of lambasting innocuous things. It's all wrapped up in some idea that we have to give up our childlike wonder and happiness because it's assumed to be an a priori good to be in the "real world" at all the times doing more "worthy" activities (having kids/making more money/studying academic subjects/political agitation/etc) even if those activities aren't making us happy or satisfied, because the assertion is that life isn't *supposed* to be about finding happiness but rather about how well you can rationalize being ground down and wear it as a badge of honor and superiority over others who are trying to enjoy their lives. That's the real dystopian view, in my eyes.
More than that, it implies that even *making* art is a waste of time, or even that if we ran ourselves into the ground and made the world sufficiently 'better', people somehow wouldn't still thirst to consume and create art/entertainment within that context.
So I say that people who claim to care about the life success of the fans they're criticizing are effectively huge concern trolls. They don't actually care about those people and their wellbeing so much as they do about how well those people's personal habits validate the criticizer's personal ideology and life choices which may be totally inappropriate or inapplicable to others and may often in fact have led to greater unhappiness in the life of the person making such recommendations that other people cease having fun.
--
I find it hilarious that you think this is new.
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i’ve gone through and read most of your masterlist by now and your writing is so good! i love your little maus series the most💕 one of the reasons is bc i could tell through your writing of gaz that you value him as a character and gave him a great personality and acknowledged his lack of support from some in the cod fandom. it really means a lot to me💖
I'm so so glad you've enjoyed my works! I'm always so pleased so many people have enjoyed Little Maus so far, I'm so grateful for all the support.
Gaz is near and dear to my heart. I agree, he has a lot of depth that is overlooked by the rest of the fandom, primarily due to the fact that he's black. There's so much nuance to him, and that's something that I love the most in writing is untangling the complexities of characters. Gaz, to me, is highly intelligent and insightful, kind and empathetic, playful and sweet. Yet at the end of the day he too is willing to do what needs to be done for the sake of good, even if it means committing evil in the process. I think he has a lot of conflict about it, but he's resolute in his duty as a soldier. I love exploring him, and honestly in many ways I wish we could be friends.
I'm trying to tie up some existing projects to see if I have time for a longer Gaz story, but with school starting again next month we shall have to wait and see.
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Where did the idea that LXC saw into the depths of JGY’s soul come from? Why do so many people disagree with mxtx’s claim that he’s just sweet, pure and oblivious? I low key ship xiyao but sometimes I’m confused by the popular fanon for the ship.
Hmmm, MXTX's description of LXC is one of those things that I am hesitant to comment on because I think there are some things lost in translation, and I don't speak Chinese. I think I read once (and I tried to find the post and can't, of course) that that was less in reference to his basic intelligence and more to the fact that while the novel was coming out, people kept expecting LXC to turn out to be some kind of mastermind. But I may be wrong!
And anyway, I think the two aren't necessarily related. To me, the idea is less that LXC sees into JGY's soul and more that in private, in scenes we never see, JGY shows LXC a version of himself that LXC thinks is the true one, and I'd argue JGY also thinks-- or at least hopes-- is the version of himself he'd most like to be.
Most xiyao shippers want to think that LXC isn't just being obliviously manipulated by JGY-- we want to think he truly believes in what he's seeing, and that he's largely right. (if we wanted manipulation, we'd ship xuexiao) I think some of the extremity of the xiyao shippers' push in favor of LXC's insight into JGY's personality is in resistance to the also popular fandom idea that clearly he was just a dupe and everything JGY told him was a lie, which he believed because he's just a lovely himbo.
I'd also argue that canon suggests that the version of JGY that LXC is seeing is not entirely some sugar-coated fantasy. He knows that he was a torturer and spy for Wen Ruohan. It's heavily implied he knows about a lot of the things JGS was asking JGY to do, though, for example, he probably didn't know (in novel canon) the extent of Xue Yang's demonic cultivation torture ranch. LXC doesn't need some superhuman insight to see who JGY is, his affection is based in trust: he trusts that JGY is a person who has reasons for doing the things he does, because in LXC's experience, he always has. That's part of what makes the end of canon so devastatingly hard for LXC: there could yet be an explanation. He'll never know.
I think part of the fantasy of xiyao as a ship is this idea of being known and liked for the worst parts of yourself, so it makes sense to me that the fanon warps a little bit into LXC being the person who's able to see past JGY's well-honed defenses, which naturally requires extremely good insight because JGY's a great liar. But I'm with you on finding this dynamic not quite right. JGY shows himself to LXC. Whether the version of himself that he shows is one that can be trusted in the end is the question that torments LXC, too-- but of course, I think that it is.
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Captain Michael Burnham, Emotionality, & the Rejection of Misogynistic Expectations
Star Trek Discovery Season 4 has wrapped and I have so many friggin’ thoughts and feelings, my dudes.
What I want to focus on for a second here is good old misogyny. I know there are posts on this but I haven’t seen many of them. We talk a lot about racism in relation to fandom reactions to Michael Burnham and that can’t be separated from misogyny too because she’s not just a Black person or a woman. She’s both: a Black woman. Yay intersectionality! Our society still favors portrayals of Black women that make them out to be angry, sassy, and “strong”. There’s also the Superwoman stereotype where they bear the burden of being everything to everybody and doing it all with zero support and zero complaints. Black women are also expected to be (or simply viewed as) unemotional except for expressions of anger. Well, we don’t get any of that with Michael Burnham and I’m elated by that fact every friggin’ day LOL.
Michael Burnham has been refreshingly three-dimensional for 4 whole seasons now. She has knowledge, skills, compassion, empathy, wisdom, experience, grace, hopes, fears, and emotional intelligence all in abundance. Burnham is also adventurous and independent while still maintaining dynamic, rich relationships with friends, family, and romantic interests. She also relies on the people around her for personal and professional support without that (necessary, natural, and important) interdependence in any way undermining her own brilliance and capabilities. Her interdependence actually enhances all of those things!
Too often, the entertainment industry crafts and sells “Strong Female Leads” who lack multidimensionality, especially if they are also Black. Their emotionality and/or romantic interests are often the first elements to be minimized or removed OR those elements are placed far above all other aspects of their personality. The Star Trek: Discovery showrunners did away with that narrow, stereotyped, either/or way of thinking about and portraying Burnham.
Michael Burnham, unlike many of her peers in television entertainment, expresses the full range of emotion pointedly, wholeheartedly, and without apology. She isn’t a BAMF in spite of her rich emotional expression, but actually in part because of it!! It makes her real, authentic, and relatable in ways that I didn’t even realize I was truly missing in my entertainment experience. She is also brilliant and capable and makes no bones about that.
And too, the people around her RECOGNIZE AND APPRECIATE the many facets of her character and personality. They see and accept her heart AND her mind. They also acknowledge when she messes up and demand better, not because they hold some type of superiority or high ground but because the people who love us want to push us to improve BECAUSE THEY LOVE US. People love Michael and they trust her to rise to any challenge personal or professional and they help her to do that AND SHE RETURNS THE FAVOR!! Her relationships with Tilly and Saru especially bring tears to my eyes every time!
Going back to the emotion piece, I am floored by what the writers chose to do with her character. Emotional processing and expression have been CENTRAL to her character from the start and it’s been glorious. It was a bold and important move having that kind of character journey with a Black woman. Typically the rules of misogyny say that a woman is less than because she’s “fragile” and “too emotional” and if Black, she’s not allowed the full range of emotion. Discovery turned all of that on it’s head and argued from day one that Burnham was actually stunting her growth and development by NOT dealing with her emotions! By not expressing them! By not honoring the insight and information that her emotions had to offer! They accomplished this in the narrative by having her be a human woman raised by Vulcans who’d become invested in the Vulcan practice of emotional suppression.
Michael’s journey for several seasons was about opening up, accessing her emotions, practicing courageous vulnerability, and learning to connect with the people around her and with herself. And every seasons she became more capable and connected by drawing on her emotions as well as her considerable brains. It was HUGE! It was a neon Fuck You to the misogynistic tendency to downplay and/or demonize emotional expression in (Black) women. Of course many fans HATED Burnham’s emotionality. But I think the Discovery showrunners did a great job of showing that she/we NEED EMOTIONS AND THEY ARE GOOD to have and to express unapologetically. EMOTIONS CONNECT US!!
Season 4 took that to the next level. Throughout the season, Burnham was overt about the need for emotional engagement to facilitate cultural understanding (remember, she’s a xenoanthropologist!) and the need for the recognition of PERSONHOOD even in the midst of the fear and confusion caused by the DMA. She advocated for empathy and compassion throughout the Federation’s political process and directly in dealings with the Ten-C. Emotions are BAKED INTO THE PLOT with the inclusion of hydrocarbons and the fact that the Ten-C communicate primarily through emotions!! Emotions help us to see so-called “others” as PEOPLE worthy of empathy, compassion, connection, and respect. I will not lie. I cried my eyes out while watching the finale when it aired. The overt place of emotion and personhood in the narrative destroyed me in a good way! And to see that message carried by a Black woman captain, one who’s had such a profound personal journey toward emotional awareness and expression?! Just. Wow.
Michael’s emotional reactions have been LOUD from the start and in the s4 finale we got to see her emotional intelligence and the emotional intelligence of the crew pay off in the form of successful emotion-based negotiation and eventual peace with the Ten-C. It was glorious! The mandates of racism and misogyny were fully tossed out the airlock and replaced with something that’s actually good and can actually carry us into the stars i.e. the “humanization”/ personization of everyone involved where no part of the self has to be denied, minimized, or demonized to make one worthy to sit at the table and assert one’s right to exist. Remember Burnham had the whole crew at the table for the negotiations. Everyone’s emotions (whether they had lines in the scene or not) were laid bare to the Ten-C so that the Ten-C could see the persons gathered and recognize their basic right to exist without the threat of the DMA or the toxic void it created in space after it leveled entire planets.
For all the people who feel like Captain Michael Burnham is too much, I invite you to consider the ways that misogyny (and racism) play into that “assessment”. Is Captain Burnham really too much, or is our current conceptualization of emotion and personhood (especially at the intersection of gender norms and race) simply not enough? You have my answer to that question. Please think about yours, my friends.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I connect deeply with Michael Burnham as a character AND I admire her as a brilliant and capable captain. She’s fantastic and I can’t wait for the next season of Star Trek: Discovery.
#captain michael burnham#michael burnham#star trek discovery meta#star trek discovery#star trek disco#st disco#disco#star trek#new trek
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I'm working on an A/U fan fic about a distant cousin being adopted by Integra. I want to publish it on tumblr and need some technical help. Unlike most of you, I'm an older lady who isn't as computer savvy as you younger folk.
I'm writing it on MS Word on my laptop. What software should I transfer it to, in order to publish online?
I'm a little old lady who was involved in the 1980's goth scene. I'm proof that goths don't age out. I would appreciate any advice you can give. The story is written as a first-person diary by the young cousin.
Hey there!
First and foremost, I just want to say how touched I am that you're asking me for advice because I'm certainly no authority on writing or publishing works. Still, I'll answer your question to the best of my ability.
There's nothing wrong with using Microsoft Word for literary works such as fanfiction. I think the best path forward when it comes to writing software is to simply use what you're most comfortable with. If you're only familiar with Microsoft Word, then use Microsoft Word. It's a tried and true software that I've used countless times myself, especially when I was in school and university.
However, if you want to explore other avenues for software, you may be familiar with Google Docs. This is what I use myself for writing my fanfiction. If you have a gmail account, you should have access to Google Drive which is the storage file that contains helpful utilities like Google Docs. If you do not have a gmail account and have some other kind of email, you can still use Google Drive. Here's a link to directions on how to use your existing email to create a Google Account.
Here are the icons for Google Drive and Google Docs, respectively:
To try and simplify, Drive is a folder and Docs is the document inside the folder. You'll also have access to other tools as well, but you don't have to worry about those; I'm just focusing on Docs.
I'll stop there because I don't wish to insult your intelligence in case you're already quite familiar with or have Google Docs. But if you're not and you need any more guidance, please do not hesitate to reach out again! You can even DM me if you so wish.
Other than Microsoft Word or Google Docs, I don't really use any other writing software. I invite anyone who uses any other writing software to reblog this post with their insight and/or advice.
As far as publishing your work goes, if you're to publishing your fanfiction on Tumblr, you should be able to copy and paste the diary entries from Microsoft Word or whatever software you're using into a post and do it that way. Some people get fancy with it, but it's absolutely not necessary; it's just a preference and for aesthetic reasons. Be sure to tag your post with #hellsing and #fanfiction at the very least!
I'm also going to mention Archive Of Our Own (AO3) here as well. You've probably heard of this site too. I've only been on it for...4 or 5 years? And I won't lie to you, learning how to properly format my chapters using AO3's post function took some time. But if you have any interest at all in trying to use AO3, send in another ask or DM me and I'll help you as much as I can. In the meantime, I hope that I at least provided some insight and gave you the answer you were looking for!
On a different note, this fanfiction of yours sounds really intriguing! You don't get that many dairy entry fanfics, especially in the Hellsing fandom. Is it related to how Bram Stoker wrote his dairy entries in Dracula by any chance?
I wish you well on writing this fanfiction! Be sure to send me another ask or shoot me a message when you do publish it!
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I like that you pointed out it was his wonder, kindness and cheerfulness that gets Charlie infantilized because those are the same things that get Fundy infantilized too
(Which is made worse because cFundy has those because thats the person ccFundy is)
Great point. I would also emphasize that c!Fundy being treated as a child is explicitly a major problem within his narrative, and something that has hurt him very deeply. He has been constantly overlooked despite his participation in nearly every major event on the server, to the point where he believed no one would miss him if he disappeared. It wasn't until his story took an overtly dark turn - isolation, nightmares, depression, suicide - that the conversation around him really shifted.
There's this insidious tendency within fandom and in larger media circles to equate grittiness, cynicism, and negativity with "realism" and greater intellectualism - but that's not only a simplification, it's often outright wrong (not to mention an awfully dismal way to live). If you've ever asked someone who has worked in the sciences to tell you what they like to study the most, you'll see that the smartest people around are often full of passionate love for their chosen field. One of my favorite professors ever would light up and crack the biggest smile if you asked a question about cockroaches. Besides, emotional intelligence - charisma, compassion, self-understanding, the ability to influence others in a positive way - is just as important as academic knowledge, if not more.
And both of the characters we are discussing are quite brilliant in their own ways. c!Fundy, like the streamer who plays him, is extremely talented at redstone (his prankster personality takes plenty of work to maintain!). c!Charlie has literal centuries of experience and observations about humanity to draw from, and poked holes in c!Quackity's flawed lessons almost immediately. Not to mention, both have served as highly effective spies, in no small part because of their reputations and tendency to be underestimated.
I have such a soft spot for characters who keep their "childlike" curiosity and enthusiasm for life even into adulthood. And I love when these characters are proven to be just as clever and insightful, if not moreso, as the more cynical figures around them. It's unfortunate that so many people miss that point and ignore the contributions these types of people make (or condemn characters who do so, while never portraying those they "defend" as anything but a fluffy little angst generator sitting on that character's shelf). But it's nothing really new.
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https://www.cowboysindians.com/2022/09/live-from-atx-television-festival-katherine-mcnamara/
I know you posted and talked about this one today, but I was just reading it again and I just love hearing everyone involved with the show talk about it. They are so invested and speak so intelligently. I know Kat is a very smart and intellectual individual but it always really shows in her interviews. She seems to understand the character and the story so well and can speak about all of it and give us info without giving too much away. It just always makes the contrast with TW that much more stark. Not to drag Meg, but unfortunately to make comparisons she's the female lead of TW and Kat is the female lead of WIndy, and the way the speak in interviews could not be more different. The whole TW cast, they have zero clue how to talk about their characters or the show in general.... STILL. After filming however many eps they've done you'd think they'd at least have a basic grasp on the content. Every single interview I've read about TW is the exact same - Dean, Jensen, so dark, we have so much FUN!!, Jensen, supernatural love story/supernatural meet cute, scary and dark, the fans love it, Jensen, dark, cool lens, Jensen some more, throw in an Elta reference for good measure. Rinse. Repeat. I actually learn something new about WIndy with every article, whether it's about the characters, the plot, the time it takes place in general, literal actual facts and history about that time and the people who lived it, the cast interactions, etc. It's absolute day and night.
As much as I would like to compare the two, I'm not sure that's fair to Meg. Kat is extremely smart! She mentioned on the Inside of You podcast that she graduated from high school by age 14 (she was home-schooled), and graduated college by 17. She also wants to go back to Johns Hopkins and finish her Masters in Developmental Economics that she'd been working on.
Meg (and the whole TW cast) certainly have a lot of learning to do when it comes to talking with the press. Even if they're not allowed to talk about certain aspects of the show, they could certainly word their answers differently and offer insights into their character's motivations, interactions with other cast members, etc. There is so much that can be said without spoiling the show.
Regardless, I'm just glad to be a part of the Walker/WIndy fandom! It's fun, and engaging, and now I'm off to grab some more WIndy cast content!
#kat mcnamara#kat mcnamara apprecation#WIndy and the winchesters#promotion differences#WIndy appreciation#TW critical#meg critical#ask box
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I’m new here and as someone who never gets into fandoms/ships much, I do love Tom and Zendaya .Your blog is a breath of fresh air . The topics of discussion and the way you and your followers interact is amazing and I fear I may have been stuck in the sunken hole that is Twitter for far too long because I no longer thought intelligent and insightful conversation could happen anymore.(I also mistakenly stumbled onto an Anti Tomdaya Blog , and was completely shocked at the creative liberties that they are taking with reality)
With that being said I would love to know your thoughts on why people are so accepting that Dominic Fike and Hunter Schafer are in love after filming one season of Euphoria and Tom and Z are fame hungry narcissist who hate each other but are willing to travel most weekends “to be papped”, while also photoshopping pictures of themselves together to post on social media in the name of PR for their multimillion dollar careers and billion dollar superhero franchise?
I apologize if you have already answered this. Ignore me if you have. 😅
https://twitter.com/gqmagazine/status/1531641639235624966?s=21&t=UY8vtF3lOGb_TCB7QTLksw
Hi, Anon :)
I do think I’ve found a nice little corner of the internet here. I’ll say that I still get a lot of negativity in my inbox, but it’s easy enough to block & delete those asks. And I love the other bloggers that I follow and most of my anons. As uncool as people think tumblr is, I find the medium itself much more conducive to conversation. At the end of the day, however, I think we just have to put effort into curating any social media community (as @florawelch said once). Welcome!
As for Hunterdom—I’d bet that you can find plenty of negativity about them somewhere, too. My opinion is you just have to stay away from these antis and their idiocy/racism/sexism, just straight up ignore them. They are really not worth your time, and there are so many more interesting things to think about imo.
And keep perspective. At the GQ level of mainstream culture, Tomdaya is overwhelmingly beloved; no one with a platform like that (publishers, editors, advertisers, professional writers, etc.) is going on about this PR bullshit. I teach my kids “evaluating online sources” for their essays, and I think we fans have to do exactly that.
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Hello! I remember a while back you answered an ask regarding Andrew’s dating life/why he isn’t married yet when he could be if he really wanted to. You responded that you have your private thoughts on the matter, but wouldn’t expose them.
I find this to be such a bummer, because with you being a long time AG fan you seem to have a lot of insight on the topic. Also, I’m sure your thoughts would start some intelligent conversation.
Do you think that maybe one day you’ll break your rule and tell us your thoughts? 🤔
Thanks and love your blog.
Hello dear!
Yes, I have my own private views on Andrew. And yes, I avoid exposing. It such a bummer, but I’ve been attacked for exposing my opinions, even if in a more superficial way. The "less bads", I even answer. The worst ones I end up deleting, because someone has to protect my mental health. I have already been accused of thinking myself better than AG's fandom. I am no better than anyone in this world. I just look at life and everything around me rationally, as much as I can. I am an adult with a life outside the internet and not a teenager chronically online. And I don’t build castles in the sky. And here, oddly enough, it’s a rare place where I have fun and few times someone takes my patience.
I constantly see some fans pushing the limits. I see some wanting to choose who he should relate to. How he should relate. I see a big part of AG fandom fancy him as a perfect prince, when in the end, he’s just a man. Hot, kind, attractive, popular and he is living a life that many would like to have. He hasn’t had a long-term relationship since Emma. And yes, he’s really no stranger to casual flings. He is just another single guy, celebrity but very human in the world wanting some nice fucks without commitment to a beautiful busty girl - things that celebrity's life style make so much easier. Apparently it’s too much for them to face. Sometimes I have the impression that there is a confusion between Andrew and TASM Peter in the imagination of these people. You cannot point out humanity from idealized people without paying the price. And so I fully understand why he keeps his social networks private - although some incredibly still track his movements in the IG.
Sometimes I get criticism in ask box for I find him hot and express it here in my space. This is frustrating for me. it takes maturity to listen/read other people’s opinions and disagree and discuss the matter politely rather than offend, hidden behind anonymity, as a great coward.
That’s it. I hope my answer wasn’t too long. Or frustrating.
#ask box#my thoughts#maybe I’ve been too wordy or too rambling#andrew garfield#ask anon#ask response#ag fandom
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Venting re: fandom wank, pls don’t reblog.
Posts I see a lot: I’m so excited about the series, I can’t understand how anyone is being negative about it! People should stop being so negative! I personally am hyped bc I love Loki, unlike those debbie downers! Why are they so negative? They are just being negative bc their fave isn’t EXACTLY what they’ve made up and/or projected themselves onto,, lolol so pathetic, anyway I am super positive about all of this and I’m not going to let all the negativity discourage me.
Posts I don’t see a lot: I’m apprehensive or otherwise underwhelmed about the series; I’m not crazy about what we’ve seen so far. I can’t understand how anyone is being positive about it. People should stop spreading around their positivity where I can see it! Why are they so positive? How come they’re spending all of their energy on being so positive? Don’t they have anything better to do? Anyway I personally am determined to Hate Everything and all this positivity is putting a damper on my desire to be miserable.
Honestly, if That Side spent half as much energy on their own fandom experience as they do on obsessing over the Other Side’s “hate,” maybe they’d actually be enjoying themselves instead of complaining about what everyone else has to say.
(Again, please don’t reblog this. This is a venting post.)
#you ever have those days where you're like#i really do just feel like being a petty bitch about fandom#or are you normal#idk maybe it's bc i follow so many people who are mostly in the middle#that i feel like every time i turn around there's another 'omg stop complaining' post on my dash#like#just don't fucking read it?#how does it affect you?#if someone else's negativity is dampening your enjoyment of the Thing#that's your problem#either don't read it (block it blacklist it whatever)#or admit that you enjoy hate-reading it so that you have someone to feel superior to#and i'm saying this as someone who isn't nearly as worried about the series as some others are#i'm feeling mostly optimistic with a heavy dose of cautious#but a lot of those people who *are* dismayed or upset or apprehensive#are my friends#and it's so tiring to see ppl who are genuinely#insightful intelligent kind talented and overall pleasant to interact with#getting dragged for discussing among themselves that they're not too thrilled with how the show is shaping up#idk how to tag this#loki on the small screen#series negativity#i guess#tag rambles#this has been in my drafts for a few days#gonna let it out into the void and delete later
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Please let's talk about how smart louis is! It honestly amazes me just how intelligent he is and how people have always scraped that to the side because he's always been labeled the "goofball" and the "immature one"
i don’t have time to really dive into it but! here’s some of my running thoughts:
Louis is such a smart person and businessman. he is incredibly intelligent, and he knows the industry better than anyone because of the grueling fight he’s been entangled in for years with it. and he always sees the bigger picture. i fully trust that he has a plan that he’s been moving towards step by step for years, and with this tour possibly (hopefully) being his last obligation to sony, we’ll see so much unfold with BMG and his independent status going into LT2. he has the stamina and presence to go completely independent and negotiate deals with major labels and corporations without being chained under the umbrella of them. and i’m incredibly excited to see him thrive independently and for this all to occur in real time. like previously mentioned, the way he has built his brand and career over the years makes me certain that he’s going to have such longevity and such an impact in the industry. his staying power and steady climb on top of his immense relatability and personability with fans is vital to his dynamic as an artist. not to mention, the decision made with his first record to not veer too incredibly far from the sound fans were accustomed to (while also being able to blend his musical influences into that sound) so he could seamlessly transition to his sophomore record and to the sound that i, ultimately, believe he wants and will have on LT2 was so, so smart. also, the way he wants to create his own management company where he is the CEO and is very hands-on with the artists— knowing exactly how to genuinely guide them, let them express themselves, be who they are, and trusting their talent beyond everything else. and the free music festival he put on independently??? all the decisions he makes are elaborately planned, and when they finally come to fruition within the fandom it always makes so much sense that’s why i’m such a firm believer in trusting louis and trusting how he navigates his career the best he can because no one knows him and his goals and his career better than himself.
also x2! his acute awareness of everyone and everything around him, knowing how to channel into his environment and adapt to be what is needed in certain circumstances is brilliant. he can tap into people’s emotions and instantly know how to calm them. plus he knows sign language. is incredibly conscious of class and gatekeeping. well-versed in many different topics. has carefully curated a whole lyric video that touched on different parts of his identity and social politics. has the most writing credits in one direction. reads psychology books for fun. nonchalantly just brings out nikola tesla’s key to the universe???
yeah, louis IS a goofball and can clown around, making people laugh and being a completely menace but that part of him can also coexist with louis being insightful, resourceful, clever, hard-working, genuine, big-hearted, and really fucking intelligent. and no one can ever take that away from him.
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retrospective & predictions
Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both.
putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:
At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.
From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil.
I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.
Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms:
There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:
Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really.
But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-
The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.
The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on.
The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.
Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him.
Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:
1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit.
2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty.
Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice.
Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.
Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.)
And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.
The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance.
I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.
To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...
See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered.
One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:
As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted.
See you next week <3
#phew that was a lot#I just wanted to show how things are aligning#I know a lot of this has been said#bnha manga spoilers#bnha 320#bnha 321#mha#bakudeku#bkdk#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#bnha meta#lin speaks
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