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#the-xen-project
voidsickness · 1 year
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GORDON FREEMAN SHOWDOWN!!!
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gordon freeman. you know him. you love him. but which gordon is the ULTIMATE FREEMAN? i wracked my brain for every popular gordon freeman related au i could think of and this is the result. brackets and links to the polls will be under the cut. if any of the creators wish to have their gordon/au removed, please let me know.
SIDE ONE
freeman [hlvrv] vs. swap [hlvrv]
doc [hlvrv] vs. kittle [hlvrv]
freeman's mind vs. gordon freeman [hlvrai]
gorgeous freeman vs. gordon freeman [half-life]
SIDE TWO
loverboy [hlvrv] vs. gordon freeman [vry2k]
gordon freeman [ccy2k] vs. gordon freeman [hlvrc]
gordon freeman [toon!hlvrai] vs. gordon freeman [swap!au @ sweetmugs]
captain gordon freeman [pirate!au @ melonsharks] vs. gordon freeman [the-xen-project]
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daisyhooves · 13 days
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Say hello to my new and improved son, okay?
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xensilverquill · 11 months
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they're ghoulfriends 👻👻🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
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stay-xen · 1 year
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Project: Eden's Garden
since i've seen several people post their opinions regarding the new danganronpa fangame's cast, why not join in since i finished the prologue?
spoilers for the prologue and predictions up ahead!
Damon Maitsu First of all, making the protagonist the ultimate debater is a really clever idea to make him lead the trials. also he's such a dick. i love him. he reminds me of early chapters byakuya and i want him to realise that he needs to trust the others to stay alive. very interesting approach for a protagonist imo
Eva Tsunaka My girl, i already love her. i feel like she'll make a grat 'rival' character, especially with her talent and animal motif. although wolfie might be the rival? not sure about it yet. i do believe that she will be alive for a while, maybe even sacrificing herself for the group in the end
Desmond Hall I trust him with my life. He has a SHARK motif, of course i'm going to trust him. he seems like such a good boy so i assume that he will become a victim sooner or later. if he ends up being a blackened i WILL cry
Eloise Taulner I am going to protect her with everything i have. very shy and anxious, i assume she will find strength eventually and become more confident, possible after losing somebody close to her? swan motif is very sweet for her :c
Toshiko Kayura My daughter is definitely compensating for being young, trying to be more mature than she is. i adore her getting flustered when called out, i hope that she will survive. she's a baby so pleaaase
Wenona step on me. i don't trust her, at all. she seems like a mirror for Damon, so my current guess is that she might become a blackened (or victim, either way i think it might involve cassidy)
Ulysses Wilhelm My useless son, i love him. he's so smart yet so dumb. please stay safe. current guess is first victim, sadly. idk he hasn't really done much yet :C
Mark Berskii I ADORE HIM i love his design and his attitude. "call the fire brigade, Grace" hasn't left my mind yet. such a simple line, yet i love him. strong connection to Jet already, i assume Mark will be a survivor that gets drive after Jet dies?
Diana Venicia Oh i wish i could trust you, love. something about her talent having to do with make up (covering up/identies, etc) and the chameleon motiv really makes me worry about her. i don't think she's the mastermind, but i believe she might be a blackened. maybe first chapter even?
Wolfang Akire i do not trust you but i will forgive you everything you do. this man has me in a chokehold and i'm not complaining. there's something about him being a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' i KNOW it and i can't wait to see it. his extreme sense of justice in the mock class trial was very interesting to see and i assume it will only be more extreme in actual trials. potential rival, i fear he will not survive. maybe a blackened, having to go against his principals for a certain motive? he's so polite though, especially to Eloise :c
Kai Monteago My fail son, my wet paper back, my beautiful butterfly. i saw him and fell in love, i can't wait to see more of this idiot. although i hope for character development, my current feeling is that he is going to die :c yet at the same time i can see him be a survivor (like hiro, souda being the clueless one, although i know they're not following the usual scheme)
Jett Dawson I've had this wolf for like 4 hours but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone in this academy and then myself. SO precious, SO dumb, i can't wait to see him get closer to Mark and ultimately get my heart broken. Current guess: victim
Ingrid Grimwall awooga. strong woman yes. on a serious note, i like that she's rather feminine and still strong, but i haven't seen enough of her yet to form a proper opinion :c could see it go either way with her tbh
Grace Madison soybean. i adore her, she doesn't have a single braincell and is currently trying to steal Wolfgang's. a real one for trying to fight back AND being able to actually get the jump on Tozu. No high hopes for survival though ngl :c
Jean Delamer If he ends up being a blackened, i'll be sad. he seems like such a nice guy, very safe, very brrr. also a whole ass dragon motif??? how cool is that??? he really feels like a safe space for the group, both mentally and physically so i hope we get to see a lot of him!
Cassidy Amber The only valid rich person. LOVE the spiderweb clothes. wouldn't be surprised if she kills Wenona or dies trying lmao. not the smartest tool in the shed but i love gaming references so i'm more than happy. it IS a stepladder.
Tozu Why is he hot. he's not supposed to be hot i hate it here (/s). didn't expect him to look like this but i am more than happy with the design. please show me more of him
Mara WHO ARE YOU i wanna see you more and talk to her and aaaaa she's mysterious OwO
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shirubiaowo · 6 months
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your art (new and old) looks very nice :3
ALL OF YOU ART IS JAW DROPPINGLY BEAUTFIL KIND MR SIR
Very poggers as the kiddos say 🫡
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dove-da-birb · 8 months
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frost, harvest, and moonlit :3?
Frost; if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?
Things will get better, you don't have to hide behind a mask, you aren't broken.
Harvest; what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?
*proceeds to forget every single character to ever exist*
Probably Alex Fierro from Magnus Chase & the Gods of Asgard; seeing a genderfluid and queer person who kicked ass while being iconic, GODS. He's unapologetically herself, and I used to do pottery and still have my garrote somewhere around. Seeing that kind of rep by my favourite author? I was crying.
Moonlit; are you a neat or messy person? Is your room/house orderly?
Okay, so the main living spaces are cleaned every day. My room is a mixed bag though, but I'm trying to keep it clean; just spent probably 10 hours over the course of 2 days cleaning it cuz I was tired of it just being... chaotic. Right now it's clean - just my two storage things to organize through now - and I'm going to try and keep it that way.
In short; I'm trying to be neater.
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xenon-noble · 2 years
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MOV: Brucan Nekkal
My version of Brucan from Fight for Endworld... He dies in episode 1. You probably don’t remember him.
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His corpse is a more important character than him. Not even joking.
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solvar-the-drone · 8 months
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If you've found this, then congratulations! You're invited to a horrifyingly fun Halloween dinner party, hosted by the witch queen herself, Solvar!
Party's in the north wing of Doctor Wylde's lab at the heart of the old city (mind the construction project going on in that area.) and starts once the sun sets.
See you then! *strikethrough "And try not to die."*
(this comeplete flyer has being created by @doctor-wylde and i had the idea so credit to him)
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@xen-or-xavier-wylde @user-darkxwolf17 @a-good-darren @alice-the-drone @thad-the-jock @khan-loves-doors @evelyn-wylde
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narklos · 3 months
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Half-Lore #2: The G-Man Theories
This topic was the second-most voted in the poll! If there's any others you'd like me to cover, just let me know. Without further ado, here's all we know about the G-Man's identity! Take a peek below the cut:
Let me start by saying that not even Valve really knows what the G-Man is. His identity, which has been hinted at throughout the series, has changed significantly throughout the 25 years that Half-Life itself has existed. To get a full grasp of what each theory means, I'm going to give you a rundown of his history in the game's development. I'd say a quick rundown, but I'd be lying to your face. Here we go!
Half-Life The name 'G-Man' actually comes from this game as it's what his model was called. This is a shorthand for 'government man', a shady figure who works within the USA's top-secret projects. Earlier models of G-Man actually featured the Department of Defence logo on his briefcase, indicating that the G-Man was tied to them somehow (or at least pretending to be tied to the government).
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It was also heavily implied that the G-Man was the administrator of Black Mesa, as another one of his models from the Goldsource era features the Black Mesa logo on the briefcase. The administrator's role in the game was primarily conveyed through letters, signed with the name L.M. Here's one of the letters, which is welcoming Gordon to the facility (and also confirms that Gordon can speak?):
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The G-Man was said to have 'gone to great lengths' to get the Xen crystal sample that caused the Resonance Cascade, which was our first clue that he was responsible for the Xenian invasion from the beginning. Hints from the Nihilanth also tell us that quite a few others are aware of the G-Man's meddling- as well as try to warn Gordon that the G-Man's not human, and that he's not an ally.
You can see the shift away from the administrator identity in Opposing Force, when Adrian Shepard's diary talks of a strange man that showed up a few days ago, and was talking with his superiors. This gives us the sense that the G-Man wasn't a force working from inside of Black Mesa, but rather without it. The veracity of this sighting is a bit up in the air though, as most of Opposing Force has been retconned.
It's safe to say that the G-Man's identity wasn't solid, even from the beginning. So where the hell does that leave us?
Half-Life 2 During development of HL2, the G-Man was still going to be the former administrator of Black Mesa; Breen and the G-Man's characters have always been quite tied up due to their dual development. The face model for G-Man, a therapist named Frank Sheldon, was actually slated to be for Breen's character instead. However, after a Valve employee did a quick edit to the facial captures for Breen, it was decided to give Frank Sheldon's face to the G-Man instead.
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At this point, the administrator L.M was retconned, being replaced as the administrator of Black Mesa by Dr. Wallace Breen. L.M essentially underwent a weird sort of meiosis and two characters spawned from one.
We know for a fact that Gordon's 'contract' with the G-Man was something passed around by important players in the G-Man's plan, and bidded on. Breen is aware of Gordon, and believed that he has bought Gordon out, therefore preventing him from futhering the rebellion against the Combine. However, the G-Man was double-crossing him, and Breen died in the final battle when Mossman betrayed Breen and set Gordon free. Though, I wonder what Breen bid for the contract?
Although this means that we got an incredibly well-written and tragic villain, it also means that we're back to square one in terms of G-Man's identity. No more L.M, no more government ties, no more Black Mesa. So what does Half-Life 2 give us instead?
As I mentioned earlier, it was always implied that G-Man wasn't human. The alien identity is played more strongly in HL2, where the link between the G-Man and the shu'ulathoi (Combine advisors) is established. The Vortigaunts are able to hide away from the psychic powers of the shu'ulathoi, as their connection to the Vortessence allows them to take actions the shu'u cannot see or prevent. They also refer to the advisors as shu'ulathoi, as it's a language the shu'u can't comprehend.
The Vorts are the only force shown to be capable of preventing the G-Man from reaching Gordon. During Episode 1, the Vorts save Gordon from stasis, and for the duration of the episode (and for the first part of episode 2, when Gordon is still under the protection of the Vorts), we don't see G-Man at all. Any actions that Gordon takes is completely free of any G-related meddling. It's implied, therefore, that the G-Man's true origin is a shu'ulathoi.
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Breengrub The G-Man - shu'ulathoi ties are made even stronger in Marc Laidlaw's Breengrub account. There, Breen, whose conscience has been transferred to a shu'ulathoi host body (the one he mentioned in a conversation with another combine advisor at the end of HL2), recounts the world of the shu'ulathoi.
Powerfully psychic, they could hatch into any form they wished when they left the larval phase. They are referred to as dreamers and philosphers, a society where ideas are currency. At some point, they fell ill to a parasite, making them weaker and easier to conquer. The Combine did so, and kept the shu'u in their grub phases in order to better exploit their powers and prevent them from fighting back. It's implied that the Combine planted this parasite in the first place. It caused the shu'ulathoi to destroy their own minds and culture.
Breengrub explains that a few shu'ulathoi remain on the home planet, hidden and slumbering. A few were even able to escape the Combine invasion. It's heavily implied that G-Man was one of these grubs to escape the invasion. He hatched into the form of a human, and made his way to Earth, orchestrating the Resonance Cascade in order to bring about the ultimate downfall of the Combine at the hands of Gordon Freeman. His 'employers' are implied to be the slumbering shu'ulathoi that remain on his home planet.
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So, that's it, right? He's a shu'ulathoi!
Well, not really. This is a rough draft of what Episode 3 could've touched upon, and this isn't anywhere close to canon, as Marc no longer works for Valve (so stop pestering him with emails!). It's safe to say that whatever they were planning back in 2007 isn't anywhere close to their intentions with the G-Man nearly over two decades later, when they released Half-Life: Alyx. Speaking of which!
Half-Life: Alyx I'd like you to keep in mind that HLA was considered a 'soft reboot' of the Half-Life franchise. Rectons were made, new characters introduced, and Eli got a sick new jacket. We can't exactly apply the old canon to this fresher chapter, but we can make inferences. As you all know, the G-Man was captured by the Combine, five years before Gordon was released from statis. His power was so great that they had to literally heft up an entire apartment block to contain him. We don't see him in person for the majority of the game, but we do see him in the Vortigaunt murals, which depict their enslavement at the hands of the Nihilanth, and the G-Man's meddling in Gordon's fate.
(Fun fact! He was originally meant to be there against his own will. Here's some of the concept art that explored this idea!)
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Vortigaunts are used to contain his power, and their own Vortessence is sapped in substations to ensure that he can't escape. Whether this is still referring to the shu'ulathoi theory or just tapping into Episode 1's revelations is still unknown.
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Something interesting to note is that Eli mentions that "...whatever's in the Vault really hates the Combine". We've therefore established that this soft reboot of the franchise is more clearly establishing the G-Man's vendetta against the Combine. His hatred for Vortigaunts can also be connected to his imprisonment- it's implied he was tortured with their energy!
Hahn, labelled in the files as 'Contractor', is adamant that they "...move the [Vault]" when it's clear that Alyx is going to set him free. She's also implied to be higher on the Combine pecking order than Breen. Her role in the franchise is, as of yet, unknown, but Erik Wolpaw has told us that they've got 'plans' for her. She's clearly aware of the G-Man's role in the rescas, as well as what he's capable of. Maybe she was present at Black Mesa? Maybe the two have made a deal in the past? Maybe she's simply been told that he's dangerous? We still don't know.
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"This is great and all, Narklos." I hear you say, rather loudly, at your computer screen. "But what in the Nine Hells does this mean for his identity?"
Truth be told, my inquisitive reader, this reboot has completely thrown any and all theories we may have up into the air. The nature of a reboot is that anything we may know isn't something we can take for granted anymore. Alyx is now under the G-Man's employ, Eli's still alive, and for all we know, Russell could be the next villain. It's an exciting time for theorycrafters who want to unravel gaming's biggest mystery, but for lore sticklers, it's a bit of a dead end.
With the history of the G-Man's various identities in mind, let's go through some of the most famous (and infamous) G-Man theories from the past 25 years.
G-Man is Gordon from the future This is an earlier theory. Obviously the link can be made between Gordon Freeman and the G-Man's names. A funny theory made by players in the noughties, with not much value behind it.
G-Man is Alyx's grandfather This was more of a joke theory talked about by some Valve developers. It was brought about, most likely, when the players discussed how familial G-Man seemed to Alyx, having saved her as a baby. He also seems to really care for her wellbeing, and implores Gordon to get Alyx safely to White Forest. G-Man also calls Alyx "my dear". While it isn't entirely impossible, considering all we know, this theory is definitely false. Still though, it's a nice little analysis of how the G-Man is capable of expression emotions other than smug superiority and quiet rage.
G-Man is a Shu'ulathoi This one's still the most prevalent theory we have today. It's the one most subscribe to due to the amount of evidence, both from the games and from other sources, that we have to draw from. G-Man was a shu'ulathoi that escaped his home planet after the Combine invaded. His employers are the slumbering shu'ulathoi that remain, safe from Combine meddling. He's orchestrated the events of the series and beyond to get revenge for the destruction of his homeworld and kin. G-Man hatched into the form of a human to fool others, and his psychic powers can be attributed to the psychic nature of the shu'u. His strange breathing patterns are due to the shu'ulathoi being unable to breathe in Earth's atmosphere, hence why they all wear breathing apperatus (and at one point in development, the Combine were meant to be replacing the atmosphere with toxic fumes that allowed the shu'u to breathe). Though we've got the most evidence for this one, considering the direction the series has taken, I wouldn't fully subscribe to this anymore, as there's still so much that we could find out.
G-Man is Valve Again, another early/joke theory. G-Man is the embodiment of the Valve developers, following the player around and putting them into 'statis' (i.e: ending the game) when they reach the end of the campaign.
G-Man runs the Combine Another weird one. This probably came about from the confusion behind G-Man's motives in the second game, and how he never seems to fully help the rebels.
G-Man is a Nihilanth This is one of the earlier theories that I can remember, at least. Because the Nihilanth is such a powerful alien, many speculated that the G-Man was also a Nihilanth in another form. However, this theory fell apart when it was revealed that the Nihilanth was actually the last of its species.
And really, that's all we know. The G-Man has been, and will most likely remain, one of the most famous figures in gaming. Ironic, considering how little we truly know about him. We don't even know his name- the one we refer to him by now is simply what his model is called!
Who's to say what we'll find out in the future? Will we ever get what we're searching for? Do we really need to know? Isn't the beauty of a character like the G-Man that we know enough to guess, but we don't know enough to understand? I'll leave that up to you.
If you've read to the bottom, thank you! Here's a video of the G-Man and Kleiner beating the shit out of each other.
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midstpodcast · 4 months
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Xen 🎷, did critical roles support of midst affect how you did the music for season 3? Season 2’s music was much more distorted and free form than season 1, did a similar change happen for season 3? Even saying the season 3 has me excited for its release tomorrow!
🎷: A thousand times yes! Prior to partnering with CR, Midst was a hobby project we worked on in very limited off-hours and weekends, and the music of seasons 1 and 2 were similarly created with minimal time and resources. Partnering with CR has allowed us to work on Midst full-time, and that’s been an absolute game-changer where S3’s music is concerned. It’s made a world of difference in my ability to pour serious time and attention into the soundtrack, so keep your teletherics cranked up: there are some ABSOLUTE TUNES coming, lemmetellye. ;)
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pistachi0art · 24 days
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Can we plz get a Benrey and Tommy family lore drop/explanation
OH BOY. well here’s the complete rundown to all that I have figured out.
The Benrey Lore:
Benrey Nilabi was born a runt in a place called Cerutina, one of the many places that connects to Xen. (Cerutinans are blue-eyed shapeshifting beings that all hold a sort of deep subconscious hivemind. Bc Benrey is a runt he isn’t connected to this hivemind and is less empathetic/emotionally connected than his family and peers but still tries to through sweet voice. He also lacks the faster healing factor/ extreme shapeshifting that other Cerutinans have.)
He used to live there with his mom, Momma Moola and his abusive older brother, Arden Ardven, and his 16 other younger siblings on a farm until his Arden got a bit too abusive and which resulted in Arden losing his eye in a fight with Ben, which then turned to Ben leaving the farm off to Xen then to Earth.
Momma Moola then died to to a chronic illness not too long after with the rest of his siblings choosing to scatter across the galaxy to pursue their own careers (which is typical for Cerutinans, as most are nomadic and love to integrate themselves into different cultures.) Few stayed on the farm. Arden ended up getting arrested and locked up in a galactic prison bc of his less than savory/ violent preferences on how an alien society should be.
The Tommy Lore:
Thomas “Tommy” Coolatta was adopted into a family of 3, that of his strange yet caring Father (G-Dad), his two-faced eldest sister Evelyn “Evie” Chiller, and his older brother, Graham Chillatta.
Evie was unintentionally raised as a bit of a megalomaniac with a strive for perfection with a hint of businessman savvy. After Tommy was adopted she got extremely bitter of her father’s different methods in raising him, feeling negatively towards the both of them.
Meanwhile Graham was raised in the shadows feeling inadequate about everything, including himself (he’s got a list of medical conditions, one of them causes him to feel he can’t quite emotionally connect to other people. When he isn’t working on projects, he often surrounds himself with paid prostitutes and hype men so he “feels some sort of connection” even if it’s the artificial kind.)
Evie saw this in Graham and as the two got older they distanced themselves from G-Man and Tommy to pursue their own business ventures. Graham sees Evie as the only person he has a real relationship with (the familial kind. Not the gross kind lmao. JUST TO BE CLEAR.) which makes Evie just take advantage of him easily.
Their lore gets wonky from here but just know that Evie and Graham run a business where it seems all hunky dory from the outside but is really just a coverup so Graham can experiment on life forms. (OH and that the trio are reincarnations of a being that was made of light that created the universe but exploded that resulted in the creation of planets and such whaaaat?)
AND THATS AS MUCH AS I LORE I COULD GIVE. COMPRESSED. If there’s any specific character/ thing you want to know more about just ask. I’m tired lol
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vyjuarts · 6 days
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"Sharing is caring"
- says Crystal, while eating the biggest piece of a whole cheese roll
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As a belated Apprecimaytion entry for @bg3-apprecimaytion's amazing event, I would like to bring you the sweet little dragon ladies having a snack for prompt 31: cheese, with a guest star, the squirrel plushie!
(All related fics are linked below 💙)
Adorable little white-blue glistening girl, Crystal is from "Small Crystal" by Gothic_Bloodstain and the bigger faded copper-red lady, Torimgetih is from my fic "Fool's Copper". This is a bit after their canon stories, thus Tori and little Crystal('s horns) are bigger now. Both fics are different takes on "what if Astarion adopts a tiny dragon?" idea we had on our discord server.
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I always have an immensly huge sweet spot for Crystal's story, which is the wholesomest dadstarion take, but with a twist of it not being a child, but a tiny dragon. She is adorable, little baby of a dragon with an appetite of an ancient dragon, and I love her for it! Astarion does take good care of her. 💙 You can definitely say she is spoiled rotten with her sweet play room, full of toys and food, that needs restrictions due to her weight consideration.
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Torimgetih is my (usually) sophisticated young, teenager aged dragon lady with some issues. But in case of her as well, her version of Astarion will need to slowly warm up to the mute, strangely small dragon.
Since @cinnamontails-ff 's "Like Two Dragons in The Rain" fic for Apprecimaytion event, they live rent free in my mind! Tori would be the protective big sister of her tiny protectee and her squirrel plushie. As Cin's fic predicts, they would get together from time to time, having their Astarions cause havoc in the city while they are having flight and Draconic speech training. 💙
I would like to show my appreciation for Xen's wholesome fic and Cin's Apprecimaytion of said fic with this tiny drawing. 💙 Thank you for your amazing writes!
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xensilverquill · 3 months
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Xen's Frens: Crochet Toys, Figurines, & Patterns
Hey guys! I have a lot of new projects and patterns in mind for this year, so I am looking to clear out the present inventory in my shop. Feel free to take a look!
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What're we doing here Mr. G?
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G-Man: "Cloning Project Theta-Omega-Mu..."
"There has been this freaky guy in a suit wandering around the facility, and we're pretending we haven't spotted him but we totally do. We got some of his DNA samples and used them to make a clone of him. The kid doesn't look like he has any powers, so this might be a bust, but if he does, this could speed up progress on our Xen project by a thousandfold... Just have to make sure not to tell the kid who he really is or else he might go rogue..."
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G-Man: ...They did... what?
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haruhar-u · 7 months
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what if we rewrite the stars?
Reupload from my old acc Jamil x g/n reader angst
Taglist: I’m not sure if this was for a specific project but I remember these people wanting to be tagged for something so lmk if you wish to be removed @xen-blank @edith-is-apparently-a-cat @krenenbaker @cheezy-moon @silvers-numberonefan @minty-bubblegum
A starless sky, endless yet comforting is all you saw, glancing up waiting to meet him. It was a chilly day, windy even. But yet you waited. For him. He was the one who patched your cut in the kitchen ever so graciously. He was the one you bonded with quickly, you pulled him away from Kalim at night and whenever possible. He was the one you love. He was the one. Despite all that, your parents may not agree with you. You’re the crown royal after all. 
“Gem, why’d you call me up here-“
“I know you want me, so who can stop me if I decide you’re my destiny?” You cut him off. Quite bold of you. 
Jamil glanced at you and let out a dejected sigh. You made eye contact with him, refusing to let him out of your sight.
“You think it’s easy, don’t you? Destiny cannot be rewritten, I hate to say it.” 
“What if we’re the first? What if we rewrite the stars?”  You say, glimmering with hope. He’s here in your heart, and you think you're in his.
“No one can rewrite destiny, my love. It’s impossible…” 
All you wanted was to be with him. You wanted all of him. Good days or bad, you wanted him. Nothing can keep you two apart, or so you thought. 
“It’s not impossible.” You attempt to reassure him and partially reassure yourself at the same time. “Say that it’s possible” You say, with a quiver in your voice.
Jamil sat next to you, wrapping his arms around you, he felt warm and smelt like his homemade curry. He pulls you closer to his body, you rest your head on his chest. “It can be possible…just for tonight.” 
Eventually, the sun starts to peak over the horizon in the distance, and you begin to realize your fantasy is coming to an end. 
Jamil removes his arm from around you and places a soft kiss on your cheek. He gets up and begins to leave, as he leaves he tells you. “You know I want you. It's not a secret I try to hide
But I can't have you. We're bound to break and my hands are tied” 
Perhaps, he’s right. No one can rewrite the stars after all…. But the skyscape is endless. The galaxy even. You thought you and him were too. 
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autolenaphilia · 7 months
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I finally finished Black Mesa, the 2020 remake of the original Half-life from 1998.
It really is an impressive achievement. It started as a fan-lead project to remake the original Half-Life in the Source engine used in Half-life 2. Valve had their own source engine port of the game in 2004, but it was a basic port that didn’t take advantage of the engine and pretty much made the game worse, due to adding bugs. So fans decided that year to do what Valve did not, and do a proper remake. The result was Black Mesa. The first release was as a free mod in 2012, which contained a remake of all the chapters actually set in Black Mesa. The developers Crowbar Collective got official blessing from to release it on Steam as a commercial product, which happened in 2015, still without the Xen chapters of the original, so it was an early access title. But after several years of development, the Xen chapters was added as a beta in 2019, and the game finally fully released in 2020, after about 16 years of development. It’s an incredible story alone.
It also got a native linux version, which is nice.
And the end result is a very slick, professional product. It’s far more than a graphical update, but often redesigns both the story and the level design.
It’s remarkably faithful at times, the game plays pretty much the same as the original, there are no modern fps mechanics. And I was surprised at the first-person platforming, a controversial part of the original game, is not only there in Black Mesa, but expanded upon. There is a lot of silly platforming design in Half-Life, like the crates hanging over a bottomless pit, the rivers of radioactive green goo, the ridiculous waste processing plant in the chapter Residue Processing, that is still there in Black Mesa. Xen was a platforming extravaganza in the original, and it is in Black Mesa too, and it’s even longer and more involved. And honestly I kinda liked the platforming more than the original. There are some quality of life changes, like simplified long jump controls and automated crouch jumping as an option, and some solid redesign to make it less frustrating.
Still there are major changes, and I was most impressed by the changes in how the story is conveyed. There is so much added to the story to make it more detailed and vivid. So many details are added, big and small. There is lots more npc dialogue, often specific to various situations. There is an incentive to keep guards and scientists alive, they will reward you with special dialogue for doing so. You can catch emergency radio broadcasts on radios that give you a picture of how the invasion is proceeding outside the Black Mesa research facility, something the original doesn’t give you a picture of. And in Xen, the situation of the vortigaunts being enslaved and forced to fight, hinted at in the original and explained in the sequel, is expanded upon and shown more vividly. There is even a new combat mechanic, where the alien controllers from the original now literally control the vortigaunts forcing them to attack you. Human intrusion into Xen is expanded upon as well, including hev suit-wearing headcrab zombies.
I really like the story changes, and I do think they meaningfully add to the story without making it a different one. The general idea is to make Half-life’s story more in-tune with Half-life 2 and its episodes, and it succeeds at that.
The level design varies in fidelity to the original. Sometimes it’s remarkably faithful, recreating large parts of the original levels, sometimes it’s radically different, bearing only similarity to the original at certain points. It’s most obvious in “On a Rail” which has been cut down and rearranged, and in the Xen chapters of the game. Xen has been much expanded upon, and radically redesigned. It’s the length of a full game, and took me about six hours to beat. It’s probably a bit over-long, the three levels seem to meander forever sometimes, but it’s good.
The revamped level design often takes inspiration from HL2 and its episodes, which makes it feel more coherent with the franchise. There are cable puzzles inspired by the episodes, for example.
The graphical update honestly was the bit that least impressed me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s impressive as a technical achivement, and Black Mesa can often be a very pretty game. It pushes the Source engine farther than its creators ever did. It does however demand more of the hardware than Valve’s Source games do, the system requirements are way higher than for Half-life 2 or the Portal games. And due to the game it is remaking it has to spend most of all that graphical firepower on rendering rather plain corridors, tunnels and offices. In the original Half-life, Black Mesa the facility is deliberately a drab place, with lots of quotidian details like coffee cups and office chairs to convey a sense of realism in spite of the graphical limitations and the sometimes outlandish level design.
And now Black Mesa can render its namesake facility in realistic detail, you can pick up the chairs and coffee cups now and throw them, because we now have physics. But that’s the problem with “more realistic” graphics, what is realistic is often not very visually interesting. It’s the story and level design changes that justify Black Mesa more so than the graphical update.
It’s illustrative that Black Mesa gets most visually interesting, can most justify its graphical hardware requirements, is when it abandons realism and the art design of the original game for the “Xen” chapter. Xen in Half-life was a very drab place as well, barren rocks floating in space. In Black Mesa, Xen is reimagined as this lush, surreal Roger-Deaneque Alien world, teeming with vegetation, water and wildlife. It has great art design and it is beautiful to look at. It is a welcome break from both the sterile human-made artificial environment that precedes it and the H.R Gigeresque alien factory environments that follow.
I have to talk about the music too, because Black Mesa’s composer follows a different philosophy from the original. Kelly Bailey’s music for the original game is very low-key, it’s quiet and ambient. In fact, any kind of conventional music is mostly absent for long stretches, replaced by quiet or sound ambience. The stretches of silence are still there in Black Mesa, but composer Joel Nielsen’s music is not quiet at all. In fact it’s outright bombastic at times, setting big firefight setpieces to rock guitar to convey how badass things are. Xen has Nielsen conveying the eerie beauty of the place with wailing woman vocals similar to Lisa Gerrard’s work on the Gladiator (2000) soundtrack. It’s well-done, but it establishes a very different musical idiom for Black Mesa than the original. It's more in tune with Bailey's more bombastic musical moments from later HL games like the hospital fight from HL2: EP1.
So while Black Mesa often remains remarkably faithful to its source material, I don’t think it replaces it. It’s a different game, a remake than a remaster. The differences do often help it rather than hinder it, and justify its existence when we already have Half-life.
But it’s no drop-in replacement for the original classic. The system requirements alone make it less accessible than the original Half-life. And Half-life is an objectively important game for its influence on other games, that Black Mesa can’t hope to replicate, and it’s a classic that you can still play with full enjoyment even today. Still Black Mesa does keep the core of what made Half-life so good to begin with. Intelligent, immersive and subtle storytelling mixed with engaging action and intuitive level design. Black Mesa is in that regard an excellent remake.
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