something i keep thinking about is who mary is to sam. she didn't raise him; he doesn't know her except through the stories john and dean told him. she exists in pictures and print, not in memories. she's a stranger to him, yet his entire life has revolved around her. he seeks revenge for a woman he's never met or known or loved. she's just a secondhand god to a nonbeliever, omnipresent but never actually there, never actually touched or held or shared. he's outside the church looking in on the mass but never able to partake. it must be alienating, for your family to have known god while you're left only to your own faith.

Winchester gospel, the inspired word of God Chuck

Suptober 23 day 3 part 2 - Inspired

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences 

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply 

Words: 5,542

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Becky Rosen (mentioned), Original Characters, Original Female Character(s) 

Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s05e09 The Real Ghostbusters (Supernatural), Canon Compliant, Case Fic, The Winchester Gospels (Supernatural), Canon-Typical Violence, Dean Winchester meets a dean girl, Apparently this tag doesn't exist yet, this is my declaration of love to dean, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Dean Winchester Deserves Nice Things, Dean Winchester Deserves Better

Summary:

Becky got Dean’s phone number from Chuck and gave it to a friend of her, because she didn’t believe her that the Winchester brothers were real and that they might help her. This friend calls Dean and asks them to come and hunt a vampire that kills people in her town. The brothers can’t let people die, so they accept and this is how Dean ends up facing a dean girl.

ok so. thinking of that post about how what we see on the show is the censored version of the winchester gospel, the version that makes them look “sympathetic” ….. now i just wanna write some between-episode cases that are so fucked up chuck was like oof ok let’s not talk about that

this is gospel

castiel amv with a side of destiel set to unusual you by britney spears when 😔

oh it exists 😌

I know that there’s spn books that aren’t actually the episodes, but why hasn’t anyone published the Winchester Gospels? The books Chuck wrote and have them “written by Carver Edlund” ??? I wanna see those books!! I want more in-depth stuff. Kinda like how some movies have books written after the movie came out. But a book for each episode, up to season 5 cuz that’s where Chuck stopped iirc. I wanna read those books.

the thing is godstiel could and would put babies in dean and turn him into the mothereucharist of the new gospel.

Hey, all my wincest writer friends out there! Come join the wincest writing Discord server, The Winchester Gospels! It's a place to brainstorm story ideas, talk about wincest fic, and participate in weekly writing exercises like the Monday Drabble Prompt or the Thursday Writing Relay. It's a really comforting, welcoming space, and a great way to stay motivated. Send me a direct message with your AO3 username, and I'll give you an invite.

i feel like the whole jack storyline was just god killing off an old character (chuck) and creating a new one (jack)

dean's sexuality is an overwhelming recurring theme throughout the show: his fetishes are prominent, he flaunts his sexuality and sexual behavior freely, he's a relentless flirt, and he has the most sexual encounters in the show. what i want to briefly consider here is how his sexuality and, more importantly, his fetishes may symbolize a freudian eroticization of a fantasized domestic life, particularly in his fetishization of femininity.

so hear me out: dean subconsciously eroticizes his mundane desires because he can't externalize them in a safe or realistic way. the desires are, namely, a longing for a domestic, "apple pie" life, which is a desire that has been explored in the show multiple times. dean routinely covets domesticity, through his desire to raise a child (ben and lisa subplot), the djinn fantasy (2.20), his "nesting" in the bunker (8.14), and his displacement of that desire onto sam (who is the primary subject of his erotic fixation in general and a subconscious extension of himself—if sam acquires a happy domestic life, dean can live vicariously through it).

he also routinely denies himself this domesticity because he's given up on getting out of the hunter life. he was raised in a survival environment and never was given a real opportunity to escape (even sam had to fight tooth and nail to get out, and we all know where that got him). the one time he had a chance to reject john and embrace normality he returned smiling because of sam (9.07). he's the one that vehemently secludes himself (and sam, like in 1.06) from society because connections are a liability. he leaves potential long-term relationships preemptively, always choosing hunting (and sam) over them before anything "real" can happen (1.13, 6.01, 6.21, also consider 8.19, perhaps more abstractly). he's so broken inside that he lacks any real desire at all (5.14). et cetera, et cetera. he denies himself his domestic desires to the point that he lacks desire at all—he's a broken shell of a man.

so the violent repression of the id causes the secret desire to leak out through erotic fantasy, a playground of fiction that is used by, well, most if not all people to explore desire in a safe and controlled medium (see: how many women have rape fantasies, for example—the sexual fantasy is a constructed world for safe exploration of certain desires, often abstracted through erotic symbols).

dean is so repressed as an individual, likely by external pressure to conform and control himself via john, that dean could subconsciously transform his secret desire for domesticity, into an erotic fantasy. he displaces those unacceptable desires from the unattainable mundane onto the safer erotic and they eventually distort into fetishes. the fetishes themselves are then abstractions of the things he covets but can't obtain.

and i want to focus specifically on his desire for domesticity and make an argument for feminization as a fetish (thank you rhonda hurley for your contributions to society) and how that relates back to that base desire.

there are several episodes in the show which suggest that dean fetishizes femininity itself, or rather feminization as it pertains to him (4.07, 5.04, also consider 10.05 in a more abstract sense). in 4.07, dean openly fantasizes about living in a "hot cheerleader's" body (youthfully feminine). in 5.04, dean recounts the time rhonda hurley forced him into her pink, satiny panties, saying that he liked it. 10.05 is a meta episode which additionally posits a plotline where dean becomes a woman through supernatural means, suggesting that fans are invited to draw a connection between dean and feminization. (these are the episodes i can pull off the top of my head; it's probably not comprehensive but i can't remember others atm)

so let's consider this feminization kink: we have dean fantasizing about femininity, womanhood, and especially girlhood, which he notoriously eroticizes (again in 4.07 and also in 4.13 and 10.13, to name specific references, but there are so many examples of this) in relation to himself, specifically. you can layer this in the way his deeper desires are of domesticity, and the home is traditionally (importantly) the domain of the woman. if dean would come to associate domesticity with femininity, then he would subconsciously connect his desire for domesticity with a desire for femininity. therefore, this feminization kink can represent an eroticization of his own (perceived) femininity. dean craves domesticity, but the domestic can only be achieved through womanhood, and therefore his desire for the domestic manifests through femininity, and thus feminization.

this "perceived femininity" of the domestic is important because of how dean conceptualizes the world largely through his consumption of media (see also: his "wild west fetish" via 6.18), which enforces gender roles and the relegating of the woman to the domestic sphere. this additionally aligns with dean's lived experiences: he had a domestic life while mary was alive, and when mary died the domesticity died with her. his only personal experiences with a settled home life are inexorably tied to the presence of femininity (his other excursion is when he lives with lisa, strengthening this association), and the absence of it and subsequent domination of john (the masculine) also took with it that domestic life.

and then you could even go so far as to make the argument that his eroticization of girlhood and his fetish for barely legal girls is a symbol of the domestic life he didn't get to live himself. it can represent a longing for youth in an environment that was inaccessible to him, a stability and domesticity walled off by womanhood. his youth was masculine, and his desire is for the feminine. it would stand to reason that when he yearns for an idealized youth, it would be through the lens of the symbolically feminine. and so this desire manifests through a fetishization of youth (girlhood) and his subsequent creep behavior. it all comes back to the life dean didn't get to live, eroticized and represented through a sexual fantasy born of rigidly enforced gender roles and the loss of femininity in his home life.

Sam you had one job

500 to go (!!!)

The Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964, dir. Pier Paoli Pasolini): Given how radical and anti-establishment this movie feels, it's kind of amazing to me that every line of dialogue is taken directly from the gospel.

Winchester '73 (1950, dir. Anthony Mann): This is the history of the US in microcosm. Was this intentional on part of the filmmakers? I don't know but it sure works.

Throne of Blood (1957, dir. Akira Kurosawa): Best Shakespeare adaptation I've seen since 10 Things I Hate About You. Toshirô Mifune gives such a beautifully unhinged performance, even if the rest of the film didn't match up (it does!), it would still make it a 10/10.

Amour (2012, dir. Michael Haneke): Heartbreaking in such a straightforward, understated way. There's no dramatics, no sentimentality, just a devastating scenario shown as true-to-life as possible on film.

Hugo (2011, dir. Martin Scorsese): I'm not normally a fan of this type of magical realism 2000s/2010s Hollywood children's film (highly specific genre but if you know, you know). The subject matter and the deft hands of Scorsese made it hit for me, though, and I was legitimately tearing up by the end.

Shame (2011, dir. Steve McQueen): Spent so much of this movie worried that Fassbinder was gonna try to fuck his sister. Hey, I've been burned before!

Skyfall (2012, dir. Sam Mendes): I was mostly entertained throughout, give or take a couple of sour notes (the treatment of Séverine was pretty heinous ngl), but I was also ready for it to wind down around the 100 minute mark. And then it kept going for another 40 minutes! I do prefer Daniel Craig to Sean Connery but if we're going there then I also prefer Benoit Blanc to James Bond.

Phantom Thread (2017, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson): A meticulously beautiful film, in a way that truly complements the narrative.

No angst this time! Just (mostly) fuzzy feelings FTW! Go me!

@spnpoetryrenaissance Prompt Day 04: Family (Honorific) | Read on A03

Promise

Although he’s done it by himself a dozen or more times over the years, Sam’s still surprised when his stolen credit card goes through without any questions. At age twelve, he is very aware of how much his chubby boyishness gives him away. And besides, legally, he’s way too young to be renting out a motel room all by himself. But he ends up lucking out completely because the middle-aged woman behind the front desk is far more concerned with the Days of our Lives episode she’s watching than bothering to check out Sam’s fake ID.

Sam’s heart flutters a little as he turns his room key in the lock and pushes open the front door. Inside is generically furnished with a mini fridge, queen-size bed and tv but to Sam it’s practically paradise. Laying back on his bed with arms crossed behind his head, Sam reassures himself that everything’s going to be okay. He’s out of it now, free at last from hunting and dad, finally following through on keeping the promises he had made to Dean all those years ago…

“Dontcha wanna play outside with me, Dean? Pastor Jim said we could go to the park!” Sam asks optimistically.

But despite Sam’s excitement at being some place new, Dean’s answer is more of the same- a quiet sadness that’s been filling up all the space between them ever since dad made them leave Wisconsin. Averting his eyes from Sam’s, Dean breathes out a shaky sigh before rolling over to face the wall. In the coming days, Dean becomes completely nonverbal, won’t get out of bed and, most concerning of all, to Sam, stops eating.

Sam freaks out and tries his best to convince all the grownups that Dean must be really sick. A couple days later, Sam catches his brother bandaging up his wrist in the little bathroom down the hall. Not missing a beat, he latches onto Dean with his whole body. 

“I really messed up this time, Sam. Now Dad’s super pissed and I don’t think he’ll ever trust me again.” Dean says between sobs.

Sam hugs his older brother as tightly as he can, politely ignoring the wetness of tears soaking into his t-shirt.

“You gotta promise me Sammy, you gotta promise me okay-” Dean’s voice gets lost when his breathing gets too fast and he momentarily hyperventilates.

“Anything Dean, I’ll do anything!”

“If anything ever happens to me, if I’m not around to protect you- that you’ll keep going! You’ll grow up and get away from dad and go live a normal life!”

Sam does not know what’s going on between his dad and his brother, only that apparently Dean needs him to be the protective one for a change. So he agrees to whatever his brother says about him growing up and then walks Dean back to their room so he can rest some more.

John came back, they moved on to another state and Dean got better, eventually. Although Sam’s memories aged as he grew and got a little fuzzier, promises made had kept the same unsettling feeling of urgency that Dean had intended. Even after learning the truth about dad hunting, what had happened to their mom and how his instincts to be afraid of the dark were warranted; Sam knew he had to keep up his end of their bargain.

With any hope, now that he was out of the picture for good, Dean too would fulfill his side of things. Sam wasn’t sure what his brother would do with himself after he quit hunting and left dad, but he was confident that whatever Dean chose would be awesome.

I headcanon that the Carver Edlund Supernatural books that feature a Sam sex scene always have segments that end up on r/menwritingwomen while the ones that feature a Dean sex scene never do.

But this is only because 99% of the Dean sex scenes are devoted to lovingly (or some would say, obsessively) describing DEAN’s actions, emotions, thoughts, and body rather than anything about the woman. To the delight of some readers and discomfort of many others.