i think cub should just start swearing regularly like this is the funniest fucking thing ever

The Great Wave - Chapter 1 Review

‼️ SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER ‼️

Warning(s): mature themes, descriptive language, proceed with caution.

Before I start, I'd like to say that I initially added a lot more to this, but since tumblr had to censor it, I had to level it down a little...

I guess I just got carried away with it because of yumalia lol

So yeah...hope tumblr doesn't flag this again....

Alright everyone you know the drill.

LET’S ALL GET IT OUT OF OUR SYSTEMS AND GO CRAZY OVER HOW THESE TWO FUCKED SO MANY TIMES‼️‼️‼️‼️

Good job you two honestly I’m so happy these two got to have fun together like this 🥰🥰

Like no joke the first time I started to read the first chapter, of all the ways I thought it would start, I DIDN’T THINK THEY’D BE FUCKING I legit thought I was interrupting them my god-

I was so SHOCKED wtf??????!!!!

Like yes but what????

Ankama wasn’t kidding when they said they’d go mature mode and INSTANTLY cram in adult themes. The unexpected (but still warned) change was so sudden that that’s how you know Ankama has been keeping themselves tamed in the seasons because they couldn’t pull this shit off so easily like Japan.

Now let’s analyze the first thing that’s in the very first chapter.

The s** 👹👹

Okay I know how laughably this sounds because the FIRST THING in the first volume that we get to see is Yugo and Amalia’s private time.

And I’m not ashamed of loving it. Even now I still can’t believe that this can literally be considered soft corn. I won’t be surprised if more than half of the chapter ended up on that infamous site 💀(if u know, u know)

By the way I love how Amalia’s hair grew cuz I was starting to get sick of seeing her with a short ponytail all the time AND I LOVE HOW WE FINALLY SEE HER UNTYING HER HAIR CUZ MAN ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE SEEN HER LET HER HAIR OUT

But their private moment(s) really made us understand just how much they care for one another. The way that they are sleeping together NAKED like this so comfortably too confirms that they have done these kinds of activities before.

The ambiance and the colors truly encapsulate the tranquility and peacefulness they both share in this moment. You can even feel the sunshine’s rays touching your skin.

AND I’M ALL HERE FOR IT. They genuinely look so cute and in love together like that I just wanna tear that blanket away and dhskdkfkksskskkdksksd.

If anyone is wondering why Yugo still keeps the dofus on him, it’s because the dragon, Rodalström, that Armand defeated is still alive. A necrome can never truly die so Yugo has to essentially keep the dofus on him at all times just in case the dragon would set free someday (i feel so bad for Qilby due to this decision…dude is the only one between his siblings who can hear these two banging💀)

While looking through these same pages over and over again (I still haven’t stopped), I began to seriously wonder what kind of positions they would do together.

We’ve seen two particular positions they have used in this chapter and it was the “lotus” position and the “woman on top” position.

These are very accurate positions for these two mainly because of the level of intimacy it provides. It’s not rough, extravagant, or even too lewd. It’s simply just right.

They are so intimate with one another that they even hug while keeping the pace. And I think it is wonderful to see these two just being happy and satisfied in each other’s arms like this.

It's such a sweet moment for these two that you really can't look away (i'm definitely not saying this to justify why I keep overfixating these panels). You can even see Yugo choosing to keep his eyes open during it all just to look at Amalia enjoying it.

My guy clearly loves the view please!! 😫😫😫

You don't think seeing her liking it makes him even more excited righ-

Some parts during their intimate moment had their arms, which were groping A LOT of things, somewhat censored by the blankets they still had on each other. So, to have a clearer view of what happened under the sheets, I decided to outline their covered arms to give you an idea of where those hands went.

At the very beginning, Yugo is woken up by Amalia kissing his cheek. But after that, his body looks much more awake when we see a panel of Amalia's hand under the covers reaching for something. This immediately makes Yugo wide awake, to the point where he's already sweating a bit and blushing very hard as he says, "You're...tireless!"

After some outlining made by yours truly, it was painfully obvious where Amalia was reaching for and- DEBHUHUFUWHYUHFUYHUWUEFHUWHFUEFHUEWH

GURL STOP OMG SHE'S TOO BOLD I CAN'T WITH HER I LOVE HER OMG SHE KNOWS WHERE TO REACH YES DO IT WAKE HIM UP!!!!

The fact that she instantly knew what to do when she wasn't getting enough attention from him after that cheek kiss alone sends me 😭😭

But it's not like Yugo's the innocent one here for not trying anything. On the contrary, HE'S TOUCHING HER TOO.

THAT GUY KNOWS WHAT'S BEST TO GRAB.

He's a man after all, so what'd you expect lol

He KNOWS that her ass is THICK, SO WHY WOULD HE NOT TOUCH ONE OF HER BEST ASSETS!?!?!?

You can tell these two obviously do more than just two “sleeping” positions, but since they were messing around in the morning, I can give them a pass for being sweet and tender with each other at this moment, just this once. They must've done A LOT more yesterday night since Yugo did say she was tireless as soon as he woke up. These two are adventurers at heart, so why wouldn't they explore each other more thoroughly-

Given that we’ve only seen the "lotus," the "woman on top," and a simple embrace, I would like to suggest a few more positions that would suit them well. These recommended positions are so accurate to them and reflect their dynamic that I wouldn’t be surprised if they have done these before (or will eventually 👀).

While nitpicking every single panel of their “morning routine” I learned two things thanks to this start:

1) Yugo’s a bottom but is able to switch.

2) Amalia is insatiable in bed. Girl is hungry HUNGRY. Because judging from how Yugo and her were fully naked and laying in bed in the beginning, that means they had finished screwing with each other a while ago BEFORE AMALIA JUST JUMPS BACK INTO IT. SHE’S LITERALLY TIRING OUT A DEMIGOD ALIEN JUST FROM GROPING AND TAKING HIM-

If a scene like this wasn’t what I thought would happen at the beginning of the first chapter, then Amalia getting choked to death had definitely thrown me off guard. Like many other readers, I already knew that this wasn’t actually real and was only happening in Yugo’s head but it still felt very off-putting to see her struggling to breathe. The way Yugo panicked and tried to help only for him to scream and cry when he realized she was on the verge of dying was powerful.

And that’s when we find the anomaly in this chapter.

The dragon that appeared in Yugo’s head.

I initially expected Toross to be the one tormenting Yugo but I guess it ended up being this dragon.

The dragon figure seems to feel severe hatred for Yugo for all the calamities he let happen in the World of Twelve and how he seems to be living a good life at the moment while having the six primordial eliatrope Dofus and the Eliasphere in his possession.

The theories immediately started flooding in on who this dragon could possibly be and here’s what people came up with:

A) The dragon is one of the six primordial dragons from the World of Twelve named Grougalorasalar.

He’s the guardian of the Eben dofus and used to have been sealed in Joris during the Dofus era. Some have theorized this dragon to be him because of how physically similar they look.

Although he looks identical, there is no logical reasoning to support his hostility towards Yugo, let alone his ability to infiltrate his mind. Furthermore, the way he acts and thinks around Yugo, assuming it is actually him, is illogical given his involvement in Ogrest's rampage.

B) This dragon is, in actuality, Draconiros, the dragon of dreams.

His job is to govern the dreams and nightmares of the twelvians. People suspect he might have taken the form of Grougalorasalar while talking to Yugo.

Despite never meeting Yugo, he could have watched over the twelvians through their dreams. This means that he might have seen Oropo's dreams, as well as Yugo's own, giving him insight into Yugo's future actions and indirectly caused consequences. If true, this theory would explain why he holds a grudge against Yugo. It currently stands as the most compelling theory among all others.

C) The Great Dragon. Yugo’s father could be the one able to invade his mind and blame him for all sorts of things.

It's hard to ignore the fact that the Great Dragon appears to have been absent during some of the biggest catastrophes in the Krosmoz. Despite countless calamities happening all around the world, the Great Dragon seemed to have done nothing to prevent them, nor did he even show up to witness them. This is why his presence felt non-existent in the world. If he doesn't care about the world, why would he have any interest in what Yugo has done?

D) Osamodas himself could be the one speaking to Yugo while taking the form of Grougalorasalar.

It's worth considering that Yugo may face blame from the god of beasts. Additionally, it's intriguing to note that the osamodas race will play a significant role later on. This is evident from Aurora and her family's return to the Sadida kingdom.

So far, these are the only theories out there that we have for this dragon. That, and the fact that it might as well be a whole new character that we haven’t seen before.

The thing that truly makes this interaction between Yugo and the unknown dragon feel severe is the fact that the dragon tells him that despite sharing dragon blood, he truly detests him.

Imagine having to know that a millennial dragon hates you despite sharing the same blood.

Of course, the interaction couldn’t have stayed for very long because Amalia immediately interrupted it by screaming Yugo’s name. Yugo looks completely out of it, huddled up and shaking in fear. I understand that he saw what could be a future threat but this whole situation must’ve looked so off-putting from Amalia’s perspective: they were fucking, they started levitating because of the six eliatrope Dofus residing in him, and then they both suddenly fell on the floor and she saw Yugo curled up and crying, freaking the fuck out.

Amalia doesn’t understand but she still goes to him and immediately tries to calm him down by embracing him. But despite everything he’s seen and the fact that he interacted with a mysterious dangerous beast, the first thing that Yugo says amidst his crying is: “I thought I lost you…”

Look at the sheer terror in his eyes.

He genuinely looks like he thought he lost everything at this very moment. His body is shaking and is still processing what he just saw and heard.

He even APOLOGIZES to her, thinking that seeing her dying in his arms was somehow his fault.

Her life is such a huge priority for him that that’s immediately the first thing he’s afraid he’ll lose the most.

That’s when Amalia suddenly says the words: “Calm down, it was just a dream.”

…

A dream??

You mean to tell me that this whole time, Yugo was sleeping?

So this whole “wrestling” scene never happened?

I believe there’s been some kind of misunderstanding when we first read this chapter.

I feel like we thought Yugo and Amalia had been messing with each other in the morning and that’s when Yugo suddenly received a flash of imagery and words from the unknown dragon before Amalia snapped him out of it and that’s how they needed up on the floor together.

But it turns out that wasn’t technically what happened.

Because if this intimate scene was real, then why would Amalia say he had dreamt?

I believe this is what actually happened:

Yugo and Amalia were peacefully sleeping together after spending the night awake (because what do you think a fully naked couple does in bed). When morning arose, that’s when Yugo started having a wet dream of Amalia and him getting in on again and right when things were starting to get better for Yugo, the dream started to twist itself and change out of its own will, forcing the one good thing about the dream to leave, which was Amalia, by making her choke to death to finally reveal the dragon. The dragon haunts his mind and spills his hateful thoughts to the eliatrope causing him to suffer alone until Amalia snaps him awake and manages to unknowingly free him from the torment. Yugo must’ve fallen on the floor while having the nightmare and Amalia simply got down from the bed to wake him up.

(this still doesn’t change the things I said about the types of positions they have, how Amalia has her own nicknames for Yugo like ‘little princess’, and how Amalia is in bed though because dreams often depict and copy real-life behaviors from the mind of the person dreaming. it’s actually funny that Yugo had a WET DREAM about Amalia and him. despite getting so much action with her, his mind doesn’t leave her alone lol)

When she regards his shaking form that it was only a dream, however, Yugo insists how real it felt. That’s when he decides to stand up and claim he needs some air to think. The fact that he has said the same thing back in Season 4 Episode 1 when he had Oropo in his head, shows how his insistence of wanting to be alone after getting scarred, has become a pattern.

Amalia understandably (and predictably) gets angry at Yugo for leaving but her behavior also raises a few questions. Does this mean she’s angry that he wants to be alone every time he gets nightmares? Does he receive incessant nightmares on some nights? If that’s the case, then how often does this keep occurring? Or is this the first time he does this? Is she angry because he tends to quickly leave when he thinks he needs to deal with something on his own like how he did in Seasons 2 and 4?

Regardless of what the case may be, Amalia doesn’t waste time and immediately dresses herself up with her vines like a boss ass Queen just look a how refined and elegant she looks while changing✨✨ I love her so much 💕💕

Also vinillain noticed how these two dumbasses don’t HAVE ANY BEDROOM DOORS. How do they actually get any privacy if their bedroom has a huge ass hole with no door?? It’s so bare that it doesn’t even have a curtain to cover the front of their room!! Like did these two not realize that literally anyone can just get right in their room? I get that they’re royals so they would know that no one would be this dumb enough to simply get in like that but the entrance of the room is so big and wide that anyone can just pass through it and be able to see their bed from where they’re standing!! You can even see the bed frame right there in just that panel for crying out loud!! I get that the sadidas are a pretty open race BUT THEY’RE NOT THAT OPEN TO EACH OTHER-

Besides this stupid choice of not having any doors, I love how the kingdom made a few adjustments to the throne room because they initially only had one seat. Even when Armand was king, there was still one place. Aurora had to sit in a small space next to him lol. Note that Aurora used to sit on the right side like how Yugo has to do now.

I already talked about this to vinillain but I told them that because of how the throne was arranged when it got split into two, I feel like the ones who sit on the right are the ones who come from other kingdoms aka if they’re from another race. I believe that the reason why the throne had only been one seat in Seasons 1, 2, and the ovas, was because the only ruler at the time was King Oakheart. The ruling seat might have also been divided in two when the queen was still alive. Amalia might as well have simply chosen to sit in Armand’s place because it used to be his which would be cute if that was the case.

I like to think that Yugo deserves sitting in Aurora’s place because he’s submissive-

Speaking of Armand, the mural wall that Amalia made the artist make was such a wonderful decision. She really did love her brother despite the many quarrels they used to have.

This man entered the legend ❤️

After the interaction between Amalia and the painter, I noticed the royal advisor (or so I think) about to approach Amalia with something to discuss. Despite not having entered the throne room yet to listen to her people's grievances, the advisor seems to have something confidential to share with her, as he didn't choose to wait until she got there. Although we don't know what that "something" could be, Amalia immediately stops him, explaining that she just got out of bed and needs time to process everything.

I think we'll see what that 'something' could be about in the next chapter, though. Looking at the crowd awaiting Yugo and Amalia in the throne room to discuss their business with them, I have a strong feeling some of those problems would involve the elite eliatropes.

We can even see how the mood in the throne room looked very tense between the sadidas and the eliatropes. Some of the sadidas looked perturbed, and there's a good chance they're acting this way because of the eliatropes. Not only that, but the eliatrope kids looked super uncomfortable because of the tension going on. Even a sadida was eyeing an eliatrope in a pretty judgemental way (you can see it on the right panel).

They were all waiting for Amalia and Yugo so they could speak about their problems to the two royals so I wouldn't be surprised if some problems would be about the eliatropes staying.

I understand that when we last saw the sadidas, they were pretty much okay fighting alongside the eliatropes during the war against the necromes. But that was because it was a war. They were extremely short-handed, so they were perfectly fine with having them by their side. But now that the war is over, it's possible that many of them feel a bit awkward having to share their lands with eliatropes. Imagine living on these lands since the dawn of time and you suddenly have to live with people who are not even from your planet one day.

In short, Yugo and Amalia should get more intimate moments, the dragon in the dream has a good chance of being Draconiros, Yugo should stop dealing with his problems on his own, Armand is a chad, the two royal seats scream power couple goals, I need that sadida and eliatrope drama, and I’m waiting on what the advisor has to say.

@geekgirles @onyichii

Or maybe Jimin didn't share the exact meanings of his songs because he didn't want to and it has nothing to do with not wanting to expose teenagers to something? Ever thought about that? Jimin is extremely private, we know that. He opened up to us through his music and gave us a hint of the backstory for every song. But if anyone expected him to go into detail just doesn't know him at all.

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with keeping in mind that his audience also consists of minors. You would never hear swear words or talks about mature topics on family friendly tv shows either. Just because you and me are grown ups doesn't mean everyone is. And it's not like he makes his music kid friendly in general. He just decided to skip the MV parts that might not be appropriate for a younger audience. That was his choice and I personally think that's fine. Because in the end, if you want to see the make out scenes the MV is just one click away.

Yes, I know, he also stopped himself talking more about the meaning of Like Crazy and used minors watching as an excuse but I think Jimin still gave enough hints as to what the song means that adults most likely should catch on. And I really don't think he would've said anything else, even if minors watching wasn't a thing. Do you really think Jimin would sit there and talk about how he lost himself in alcohol to escape reality? Because I can't. That's just not him. And he definitely shouldn't change just because some people want him to become explicit.

Sometimes I feel like people are trying to find ways to criticise Jimin just for the sake of criticising him. Jimin is a very considerate person. He also tries to keep a clean image which, judging by the hate he's getting although he's nothing but kind snd sweet, I completely understand. It's not like he's completely avoiding the topic. He's drinking alcohol, we saw him drinking alcohol on camera before, is talking about alcohol, talked about tough times and how much the pandemic affected him. So why is it a bad thing if he doesn't want to do drunken lives or smoke?

All of BTS created an unhealthy parasocial relationship with the fans. But that's a whole other topic, in my opinion. I personally won't criticise Jimin for being aware of his fans not all being adults yet, the same way I won't criticise Jungkook for not considering it because in the end the parents are responsible to regulate what kids are watching and what not.

Anon. I won't lie i didn't read all of this because you clearly did not understand me. I never once mentioned his album or that he needed to explain it. Tf is wrong with you people reading my blog and seeing shit that isn't there?!

I talked about him skipping the kissing scene and the cursing. I did say shit about nothing else. I did not even touch on the songs themselves. I was only talking about the censoring. Thats it. And my opinion still hasn't changed btw.

This goes hand in hand with idols treating their fans like their girlfriends. Maybe me using the word problematic is what has u people triggered but it is. Now idols can't even say who they're dating because they belong to their fans. Its stupid. Its fucking stupid.

I can't with u people anymore. My blog, my opinions. Have you thought about that??? You don't wanna fuck with me then fuck off. I'm sorry, but I'm done defending what I said. It is Jimin, its who he is and that's fine. But I can still find issue with certain things about him and I'm allowed. So enough! No one is forcing u to be here.

WHAT I WANT FROM BLS IN 2021 AKA A LOOK AND DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE THE BL GENRE

Hi, Hello; Bls have become incredibly saturated and growing each day, every single day we hear about new projects, new ideas, latest trailers, and it's been so great to see how BL has changed from 2015 to now. It's been a positive upward trajectory; however, again, we have to mention that it's being overfilled and not always with good shows. From the six or more countries that fight to get our energy and time to watch their shows, movies and animations, to the low budget, lazy plots that don't need to be written, Bl can sometimes be a phenomenal experience and incredible stories that make us cry and feel and learn or it can be this flop with no message, no structured plot, stiff acting and more. Am I being harsh? Should we just be okay with the fact there are more BL shows now to binge and to watch? Should we just settle for these bad stories just because there's nothing else available? I don't think so, I think with shows like ITSAY, Cherry Magic, GAYA SA, Bls have the potential to be so prominent, so unique and even beat out other heterosexual shows. So I am here to make a list of what I would like to see in 2021 with these new BL shows. Because it's quality, not quantity we want, we want better stories, better characters, better developments, just better. If we can be better, we can take over a lot of media, and there'd be more representation, education and more for the voices that want to be represented through BLs. Okay so without further or do let's get into it; 

The problem with Skinship

Now I hate to be the one that has to mention this issue, because sometimes in BLs this is not an issue; in fact sometimes some shows have too many kisses/skin ship, that end up making fans bored and frustrated with how much screen time is not being used to tell a great plot. But for me, since I started this journey into this genre, kissing has always been an issue with forced censorship that makes no sense, and stiff actors that clearly aren't comfortable with doing that. To couples that are meant to be so devoted and in love they resort to acting like buddies who can't touch each other to cut scenes and weird camera angles for a scene. Skinship isn't always needed but when a couple is meant to be obsessed with each other or addicted to thinking about touching the other, or there's a build-up of longing, and they're a long term relationship,  passionate couples kissing makes it more believable to me. What's up with this pattern of BLS avoiding kisses; please stop it's irksome I know I sound like a fujoshi but those couples that do this make me want to throw something because they're not believable no matter how much they scream from the top of their lungs,  that they love being with each other, or are attracted to each other, the lack of skinship just makes me get annoyed by it all. I also love shows like Cherry Magic where it's a softer relationship but teasing kisses and then like hiding behind an elevator for the main couple, not cool.

 I'm not going to make it a big deal, but I did feel somehow cheated at the finale of the show because one, in the manga this is not a problem, there is a lot of kisses with Adachi and Kurosawa, two, why would the second lead couple get a kiss scene but then when it comes to the main it's hidden behind an elevator, it's such a cheap way to censor it in my opinion especially since we've been teased about these two's kiss since episode 2/3. I don't need to see Adachi losing his virginity or whatnot, but I was disappointed when the elevator scene happened I was like but why it could have just been a cute kiss scene on the roof. It didn't need to be so covered and hidden. Make it make sense.  

So I don't particularly appreciate being teased by stuff like this, because it's not a sin for two people to show they care about each other like an average couple and kiss. It doesn't make the show not tasteful, or too crass, it just means that the couple are attracted to each other. I don't know, maybe it's just me, perhaps I am a fujoshi, and this is bothering me. But it's seriously to me more than that; there are some shows where this isn't a problem, where we don't need kisses and all that, but there are some where it feels so hypocritical and odd to censor a kiss like it's a sin or something. And with these shows (2gether for example)  it doesn't sit well with me, it really doesn't.  Just my opinion

The Issue With Side couples. 

Side couples need to add something to the show's plot or be balanced: there's the saying too much or too little. And with BLs I have found that the screen time of side couples can ruin or elevate a show. If you can't write a well thought out plot for extra couples, then don't add them. Normally some side couples are written powerfully and interesting as the central couple like Tin and Can from LBC or KingRam from My engineer etc., other times side couples just steal screen time for no reason, we could be using that time to make the other main couple stronger and it would be fine. Not in every BL show, that every single person have to turn out gay in the show, it's not by force. What side couples should do in a show, is add to the structured plot, give information/exposition about the world of the show, the ideas of the show, the themes of the show, they should be just as 3dimensional, just as important and fleshed out as the other characters are otherwise there's no need for them. 

Why R U, for example, had great bases for every side couple but failed due to rushed editing, lazy directing and more to make use of them. At the end of the day, the confusion with the side couples ruined the show and made everyone feel frustrated and tired by how the show was done because it felt unsatisfactory for the other plots of the side couples. An example where a side couple was done right in terms of plot but also didn't have enough coverage was TharnType season 1 with Tum and Tar, their plot was fantastic, essential and necessary to the storyline and it made sense. However, it still left a weird empty feeling because their relationship was still confusing, in LBC 2 we were meant to sort that out and Love by Chance 2 was one of the worst ways side couples are done. 

They used them for product placement (same as TharnType 7 years). Their stories were just repeating the same things we've already seen before, with no effort, no energy, and no direction given to the actors who were working hard to portray these roles. It's frustrating when side couples could be just as great in the show, but they're ruined by bad writing. 

Either have side couples with depth and storytelling that is good or don't add them at all. An example of a show without a side couple is Gaya Sa Pelikula and ITSAY. And you didn't see us moaning or crying about the lack of side couples instead it was praised because every side character had a purpose, a story of their own to tell, and depth to their characters that was needed to get us to the rest of the plot. Everyone had their own important role in the plot, and it was brilliant. So you don't need a show with many couples, you can just focus on one, or if you do have many storylines for couples, please just make it worthwhile. Please? 2021? I'm begging

More unique BLS: 

When we think about plot lines for BLs, we tend to especially in Thailand have one thing in mind which is engineering, medical students, university angst and guys in white t-shirts playing the same role over and over and over again. Don't forget the sotus gear being a symbol of their heart. I find it funny because I don't have a problem with this; if the storyline is unique/addicting enough for me to not focus on the fact it's a university plot. For example, Theory of love, but it is funny that for a very long time BLs have been focused on one type of setting; the university. We had other BLs that came from China, and Taiwan and others that weren't always based on this setting, especially China which has fantasy and more but those ended up being sad, censored or ruined. 

This is the problem. Luckily in 2020/2019, Bls started to want to be different, with new stories based on mafia-like worlds like Trapped, with supernatural storylines like He's coming to me, with the introduction of Korean BLs and Philippine BLs, we're starting to see different tropes soulmate aus, paranormal, fantasy, action, adventure etc. And 2021 already has a line up where most of the storylines veer from this engineering university plot. It's exciting. To think every country is trying to move away from student/ university storylines or give them more depth and change the normal tropes and ideas with them is so exciting and needed. I still love these tropes, but less is more, and a unique plot is even more because it shows BL can be more than just stories, can have depth, can have different versions, and can reach out to a new audience, to other tastes etc. It's been changing, and in 2021 I can't wait to see these new stories come to life. 

It’s Quality not Quantity : 

This is so important, bls are becoming saturated as happy as this makes me; it also suffocated me with bad shows not worth the praise of effort and energy and these aren't put into some shows. In 2020 we got shows like ITSAY where the producers, actors and directors fought and worked so hard to make it happen, they went through obstacles, struggled with days, they pushed through just to make sure ITSAY was created to the best of its ability. This was so incredible, and it made me almost tear up each time I watched the documentaries about how ITSAY came to life.  

Shows like ITSAY and Gaya Sa again that have directors and producers with fixed goals of trying to make a BL show more than just a typical low budget show, putting all their effort, time and ideas to make this mean something is so incredible, so excellent, words can't explain the masterpieces that are created from people who take what they're doing with this genre seriously. And for a long time, we've struggled for people to take this genre seriously, to put in effort and energy to ensure that the story they're telling makes sense, and is done well. 

I'm always harsh because you know sometimes the things needed to make something high quality isn't always available. Some people are genuinely putting everything they can into shows. However I feel like you can tell which shows do that, you can tell when a show is doing all it can to be as great as it possibly could be, for example, the History series; it's a low budget, but it's brilliant, some shows like Love By chance season 2 yes I'm going to keep on calling out this mess, you can tell did not try at all with what they were given, it was a lazy attempt just to feed fan girls and make money. And the thing about things like that is that it's just insulting, to the fans who waited with anticipation only to see the sequel come to life, to the actors who put in the effort and tried to make it be something, it's just disappointing.

 I'm sorry, but like in 2021, we don't want a repeat of that. If you don't want to put in the effort and make something that is high quality despite the low funds or whatever then don't make a show. Other shows are being made and you won't be missed.  Luckily 2021 seems like we will be getting shows of better quality, GMMTV appears like they've invested a lot this year into making BLs be more, we have the incredible Filmania KinnPorsche that is just outstanding for just a 10-minute pilot teaser, we have new channels with budgets and research ready to make new shows like Channel 3, and we have China with new directors wanting to make more danmei donghuas (with incredible quality like TGCF, with excellent live actions like the Untamed) and we have more countries just making good stories and good productions with all they have. So yeah I'm excited to see what shows will be created with this type of energy in 2021.

Let’s make it more risky

So already discussed about unique plotlines and better quality. But one thing as well in the same category as all of these suggestions is BLs being riskier. There are times where BLs try and go overboard and take risks to do new stories that make people uncomfortable, or agitated like Friendzone but the thing is I live for these storylines because it's not just fluffy or tropey stories that are based on novels that need to be told. BL can be so much more. Sometimes bls are stale, and sometimes they try to do riskier messier stories with more depth. And for example, with a company like GMMTV where they have sources and sources of stories they can tell that can be riskier and be different to the pattern they usually follow, we can get such great plots and tales based on new ideas.  I want to see a show like the gifted with bl plotline, the shipper season 2, focused on WayKim,  things without using a book adaptation and without basic plots we needed to settle for. GMMTV is trying to do that now with Not Me coming soon and shows like Friendzone, Baker Boys etc. But I want more riskier stories. Again so that BLs are more than just what they're known for, the same tropes all over and over again, the same ideas and plotlines, but new screenwriters, unique stories not based on books or what's already been made, just new ideas. That's one thing that will pave new ways for BL. Like Give us a historical Thai BL, give us a sageuk Korean show, give us time travelling. I don't know just new ideas, sci-fi, new genres, more psychological thrillers. It could be anything, and it would be so fantastic. Let's see what 2021 offers. 

Let's keep with the PC Energy; 

Shows are being called out for unnecessary toxicity, sexism, bad females that don't get the point that they're beards, problems with non-consent; these need to stop in 2021. I'm not saying we can't have shows that talk about the results and consequences of these kinds of issues, because I find it fascinating when shows take a risk and mention that, like TharnType, but it is 2021 , a new decade, we really need to stop having shows that romanticise topics that aren't okay, emotionally abusive relationships should be seen as emotionally abusive and not praised, character toxicity needs to be called out and shown as that, not as a typical bad boy who needs to be saved trope etc. I don't want to get rid of angsty haters to lovers or flawed characters that need to grow; because those stories are so exciting to watch, and analyse, but don't just add trauma for no reason and not take it seriously, don't just make characters do things without making sure the audience knows this isn't okay. We're getting better, and we're getting more healthier relationships, tropes and conversations, but there's more work to be done in some shows in 2021. Some shows like the shipper in 2020 that had predatory behaviour, incest  (not dealt with properly) which felt like a flashback to the past. 

Longer BLS:

Looking at you Korea, don't mess around you literally can have this genre in your hand,s if you make a worthy production like a typical kdrama it doesn't have to be 16 episodes. Ten is fine, even just 30 minute per episode is okay with us. If you just add more minutes and more depth to the stories, so there are more character flesh outs and more chances for your stories to be developed and not rushed. Then Korean BL will literally take over everything.  There's nothing else to really say, Korea has fantastic plot lines, intriguing characters, fun storylines that make you addicted. Yet, it always feels unsatisfactory and annoying because it's just 10-15 minutes per episode. Make it make sense. I mean there are reasons for it because of budget, and lack of mainstream support but I still think we can just focus on one show, with all the money and effort from the other shows add it to one show, make it long, make it big and create a masterpiece and it will explode. The potential is there, plus with Channels like Channel 3 in Thailand, Bls are really starting to be one hour long and have like 16 or more episodes. That's been a fun journey. But Korea, please join this energy and make more shows that are longer and better. Please??

China it's enough: 

I'm being serious; I don't know how we'll ever pass this problem, but TGCF tried to, and I can see many companies are trying to find a way to overcome this. I know with China it's not fair to demand this it's not a full representation of the Chinese culture or whatever,  but it's irksome; there's a lot of shows that can take our breaths all away in China, so many great shows so please stop ruining that. I'm tired of the PTSD of the shows potentials we lost (The guardian)  because of censorship and other issues, sad forced endings, cutting scenes and deleting episodes like it needs to stop in 2021. Because now, don't pretend that the success of BLs isn't making money and causing the Chinese industry to make more shows like these. But this is my wishful thinking like I said I don't fault writers for trying to be careful with laws, but it is incredibly frustrating when you have a country with the best creativity, storylines, acting etc., and it's ruined by censorship. Let's hope 2021 finds a way to get around this. 

Let the BL animation rain; 2020 saw a remarkable rise to danmei donguas! I'm talking MXTX universe with scum villain, TGCF, Mo dao zu shi and more, so let's keep that energy; what I love about danmei is how unique the plots are we can have transmigration, fantasy, supernatural, mafia etc. it never ends, these stories are incredible, the quality of the animations are so excellent, and the love of the characters always get me. We just need to see more come to life. 

The Brilliance of Meta; 

With ITSAY and Gaya SA and Cherry Magic taking over 2020, meta in BLS have been delicious to watch and analyse, and I want more. This is such a selfish ask, but what can I say, I live for shows filled with meta, with depth, with analysis, with characters that are not just one way on the surface but they tell a different story in subtext. I live for clues, and evidence, and production choices, hidden facial gestures, and objects with meanings;  more symbolisms, more foreshadowings, more dramatic ironies, more character dynamics, more use or other literature/media as bases for the story (like Theory of Love with Flipped and movies). I live for this. It makes a show so much more special and exciting when we're part of the journey; it gives something to do other than just watch the story unfold, we can predict, we can guess, we can analyse, we can just be part of the world of the story and fully understand the message that the writer is trying to tell us. Give us something to look for; clues to watch for, to see where the story is going. Change my mind.  For example with Cherry Magic, the fact that it was already precious and made us smile, was even more enhanced by how relatable it was with the meta, the pain, and the struggles the characters went through was so fascinating to analyse and read into and relate to. That's what I want from more BLs, like it's incredible when any kind of show has meta. I think it's one of the best signs of a great writer and production team. 

More Dimensional Characters; 

Especially villains, we don't want  stale girlfriends who know they're a beard but refuses to let go, we don't want the stale homophobic parent all the time, we don't want the bullies that always try to out people. Give me villains with revenge that makes me question who's in the wrong, reformed villains who become love interests, powerful villains we can't help but hate, but we also love, shocking villains with plot twists we can't see coming (like Lhong from TharnType). Give me depth give me angst, give me plot.

 Villains can make or break a show, they can make the show so exciting and thrilling to watch like we want to see them be discovered or end up where they deserve to go, we like feeling bad for people, and getting to see another side of a villain, we enjoy seeing villains that are different from what we initially thought about them. We like deep villains; we don't always need the same villain, like give us unique ones, give us interesting, weird ones, give us conflicting ones that make us side with them. I want that. Example of a show where there's no actual villain, but they all act like it, is Friendzone and it's so incredible to watch and see how these characters behave, grow, regress etc. I want more characters like this, real, human and makes mistakes. I want more flawed characters with deeper reasons for why they're the way they are. It makes a show very addicting to watch. Maybe that's just me.

The problem with streaming services, YouTube and international fans;

  It's weird international fans need to be taken seriously,  international fans are part of your shows rise to fame, more fame, more success , more projects can be made, and more bls can be seen. Some shows in 2020 lost their chance to shine because of the streaming issues (My engineer), subtitle issues and more. Please stop, please take this into account; try harder, there is always someone internationally willing to help translate or help. Just let us know. Putting shows on Aisplay without subs when you can find a contract that enables you to do so, is a bad move. It's just making you lose because international fans will always find an alternative source to spite you. Like it makes no sense to me, if in 2021 we're still struggling with subs, and where to watch a BL show. It makes no sense because 2020 showed that international fans could break or make a show (2gether) and as much it's privileged for me to say this, international fans should be respected and taken seriously. Luckily Channel 3, GMMTV and others are starting to put more effort into recognising international fans. Finally thank you. Let's see if we improve in 2021. 

This has been a fun rant and discussion to write. I sound so spoilt, and annoying complaining about each of these minor issues, but it really does mean a lot when a BL show tries hard to make their show worth it. Like it might seem like a small issue, with like the skinship, censorship, meta, saturated stories etc., but if BLs just stop focusing on the genre and what other people think this genre should be if people stop focusing on BLs as just BLs and see it as stories of love and representation and more, BLs can be incredible, they can be better than other dramas out there with better budgets, and mainstream support, they can have meaning, and create incredible, incredible one a kind stories. I just want that so badly for this genre. Like I don't want BLs to be seen as just the same tropes, and same issues, and same ideas that we had about them in 2015, we want growth and improvement and effort, this is not just for weird rabid fangirls only, this can be more, it can be for representation, education, for entertainment, and it can be for more people and cause a shift in the media in the world. It really can one day become just as big as many other versions of media like the world of kpop, kdramas etc. in the world.  I don't know, that's what I've always thought it could be. And if that happens, it'll be just a great thing. Anyway Let's defeat 2020, we need to keep this upwards trajectory going, and from the shows coming in 2021, I think it's possible. 

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

No sports, no fun

Getty Images

Good bye, maybe.

I’m afraid I won’t ever feel again the way I did on Nov. 4, 2000, when I was not yet 13 years old and the pain was new and all-consuming. I loved sports so much it hurt, and that love bore bitter fruit when Anthony Thomas fumbled a football for no good reason, and Michigan lost to Northwestern, 54-51, in the most stunning game I can remember.

I couldn’t question the feeling, nor did I think it could be questioned; my amygdala pulled its trigger and I buried my face as deeply as I could into our cold, wave-patterned couch in the next room. My shock even erased the memory of the steps I took. I remember the twin feelings of a cold couch on my face and injustice. Or maybe not quite injustice, but something unfair. It didn’t feel targeted. For the first time maybe, I felt impersonal, unmotivated and heavy cruelty.

Thomas was a football player of mythic proportions, a torso of concrete and legs made thick just from making sure his upper half didn’t topple over. He was marvelous, and at all times mildly disappointing, a perfect picture of inefficient smashmouth football just before the sport discovered better ideas. Thomas carried the ball 37 times for 199 yards, but he was outdone by Damien Anderson, who rushed for 268 yards on 31 carries in a Randy Walker offense that was one of the first examples of spread football on a big stage.

That game would come to be known as one of the most influential in college football history because of the way an underpowered team shocked another team of Thomas-ian proportions. But lost in the final score is the way Thomas fumbled. He broke through the line for what should have been a game-winning first down, then he simply dropped the ball.

There was and is nothing to be learned from that. The whole was instructive; the details were not. Michigan would have won but Thomas dropped the ball, and then I hurt and I couldn’t make it stop.

I obsessed over that play. At the time, I obsessed over every aspect of Michigan football. I remember falling asleep thinking about Michigan’s ongoing high school recruiting class, its deficiencies and how the current commitments might shape the team. I used to take a football out to our front lawn and play out the upcoming games drive by drive, hucking the ball up in the air and running under it to make a big catch. If I was feeling generous, I’d give the opposition a rare interception. On a related note, I was a pretty lonely kid.

Before I developed a better relationship with sports, I approached them almost exclusively as something my team either won or lost. I decided I ought to take them very seriously, to the extent that everyone should think of me as a person who knew sports. I wanted to have the best answer to every question; I wanted to be a vessel of knowledge that others would rather submit to than challenge.

At the time, it seemed like a hobby. Now I know I was compensating for being a pipsqueak in every other regard. The problem, either way, was how much I had staked my confidence in being right.

In college, I took an internship at a fantasy sports website and learned how dumb I was. I found out there are people who seem to know every bit about everything — things like baseball — who could not only hold a greater mass of information in their brains than me, but could also do so without being an uptight dick about it.

What I should have learned was that caring about things intrinsically, and not for egotistical reasons, opens up our capacity to both know and love more about the world. Instead, I felt like I was drowning, like every moment more evidence was piling on top of me about what a fraud I was, faster than I could claw from under it.

I wondered if I could say I loved sports like I used to, or if I ever loved them to begin with. That period showed me a couple things: 1) That I could bull shit anything in writing, and 2) maybe I should readjust my relationship with sports.

I never stopped wanting to be a sportswriter, which I’ve wanted to be my whole life. But I also picked up a knack for editing, the process of turning your first thought into your best thought, of shaping and shielding and censoring an unvarnished self. That unvarnished self was often a truer self, perhaps. But it didn’t sing, and it never won.

I consider SB Nation my first real job, though when I started it only paid $1 more per hour than the fantasy gig. The difference was at SB Nation I saw a path to who I newly wanted to be. Which is to say, I started chasing a sense of superiority on moral grounds.

Working at SB Nation has never not been exciting, but my first and maybe last thrill was getting to say I worked with Spencer Hall. He’d become my favorite writer by crafting guttingly funny and guttingly poignant things about college football. A universe unfolded out of EDSBS.com, one that was weird and empathetic and antagonistic towards the capital-S Sportswriter lens and voice. Reading him gave me a physical sensation like my belly was made of splintered wood and a family of feral critters was tearing through, and that I ought to be happy for them.

I’ve read Spencer’s 2011 essay GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS dozens of times now and it never fails to scare the shit out of me.

None of this matters now. The man or woman in the desk is gone. They will not be returning anytime soon. Outside there are men roaming the streets. No one’s wondering who’s in charge, and that’s why the doors are locked, and the children inside quivering. When the desk is empty, it means anarchy is at your door. There are no permissions or courtesies. Shit just happens, and it happens all the time, and there’s no stopping it until everything you have is gone and bouncing out the door on the shoulders of thieves.

God, or anyone like him, is away on business.

I started aping Spencer then, and I’m still aping him now, though I feel more like myself. Mimic something long enough and you might accidentally discover some of the substance that makes the aesthetic work.

SB Nation taught me a better way to love sports. That what is true and good wasn’t in the results — on the field, or off where discourse boiled down to soggy debate — but in the ephemera. It was in baseball players taking pitches right to the beans.

SB Nation was dedicated to silliness and inclusivity. It highlighted the good people that sports elevated on rare occasions. It never fought along the chauvinistic battle lines that can feel like a mandatory part of fandom; in fact, it emphatically ignored them. And yet even after a decade-plus of existence, people still get upset when we suggest sports don’t have to be experienced in rote, tribalistic ways. Typically all you have to do is check the replies.

We never stated this mission very clearly, which has always kinda been a problem. Probably the problem. But if you paid attention, you saw it reiterated in countless ways. (Just click a letter, and note that none of these people work here anymore.) GOD’S AWAY ON BUSINESS was my value set among the many options, however. It told me that what we love most sometimes isn’t scored; that everyone has a responsibility to define and find joy for themselves, even if it may be outside the rules; and that to invest oneself in wonder and silliness also means taking on the duty to defend them.

At SB Nation I learned I didn’t have to identify by sports. I could have a relationship with them, I could be objective towards them, and I could turn them off. I learned that I have a self outside of what I like.

Working here has forced me to look back and figure out what I truly loved about sports. So far I’ve found two things: Charles Woodson, and the way sports helped a shy kid introduce himself. For me, sports’ best utility has been the way they facilitate genuine connection. Which is almost funny, because we know now the extent that sports are artificial by how easily they’ve disappeared.

But to know that sports have had some importance in one’s life is proof they can’t be trivial. They are real in the fact that we choose to empower them. The score has never mattered. Sports live because we give them life.

I don’t always feel good about that fact. Although I’ve come to terms with being mildly stupid, and I’ve gotten better at appreciating things intrinsically, I still often hate that sports are integral to me and that I’ll leave this mortal coil defined by something that never gave me agency.

There’s an image I’ll never shake. My last visit with my grandfather as he lay on the bed he’d die on. He was person I’ve perhaps wanted to emulate most in this world. A French history professor. The funniest, most considerate person I knew. He made everyone feel heard. I said this at his funeral:

He always paused before he laughed, turning over what you said and taking even the bad jokes and finding their point of redemption. Funny enough, this was a sign that he took you seriously, that he thought what you said mattered, even if you were five years old and nothing you had ever said to that point had ever been important. And because he laughed with you, you couldn’t help but laugh along side.

Just a month or two before I saw him among his final days, prostrate, suffering terribly from dementia and barely able to speak. He no longer embodied the self he had curated over 85 years. I talked to him about Michigan football because that had been the thing we talked about the most. He responded only in smiles and hmphs. I didn’t know if he retained anything I said until I started to leave the room. He said the last words I’d ever hear him say: “Go Blue.”

The image that haunts me isn’t my grandfather: Every memory of him makes me love him more, and I’m more grateful than words can say that in our last interaction we felt connected and happy.

Rather it’s my imagination, seeing myself dissolved layer by layer, body and soul disappearing. What would be left in a reduction of my experiences, love, regrets and relationships that I cultivated or destroyed? It might be sports’ afterimage, an outline of Anthony Thomas.

I feel sports’ absence. Maybe I’ve become accustomed to a constant hum of play, or maybe this pandemic has, in a terrible roundabout way, helped us see what is intrinsic.

But I do miss sports, even if that feeling is a byproduct of muscle memory. I miss fun, and sports have been the best outlet I’ve even known to find it. I’ve had a hard time not seeing this period as an attack on fun, that, more and more, the world is becoming something I don’t want to go back to: stodgy and bitter, a self-perpetuating game to see who’s winning at any moment. It feels like there’s no room left to be quiet and gentle.

I don’t know when fun will come back, and it feels fair to ask if it can. There has never been a good answer whether dumb anger is simply the natural state of things, or something we’ve reinforced on one another. There’s only the imprint that anger has left, deep with slippery walls.

The only thing I know is we all want to belong; that at the root of every fight is ostensibly the same impetus — to be full of love and free of worry once again, to feel complete and want for nothing. We just can’t agree on terms.

But I believe there is a healthy definition of belonging. One that does not subsume you, but lets you position yourself amongst the world, and create your own space as opposed to being dictated its rules. A way of editing that doesn’t entrench self, but amplifies it.

The end of the world is demanding, but we have options. And when I close my eyes, I can still see the world I want.

Survey #114

“oh yeah, i’m a reaper man; every good thing, i kill it dead.”

What kind of makeup do you think is appropriate for church?  Who cares.  Wear what you want; I don't see how your makeup affects God's opinion on you while in His house. What would you wear to church?  I don't dress up for the same reason as above.  I just wear my usual. Would/do you like having brown eyes? I like having blue eyes.  It's not that brown isn't pretty, it's just so common. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I'm just asking for money again.  Can already go see Sara, time to work towards the tattoo. What do you use Facebook for?  My main reason is legit funny pictures lmao.  There's few people I'm actually actively interested in keeping up with. Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork?  A geek is 100% a compliment lol. Do you like pretzels? Soft ones, yes.  Especially the ones from those little shops at malls, omgggg.  I'd prefer to not eat hard ones. You want your next pet to be what? A bearded dragon.  Or two rats. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle?  Ha.  No. What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? There was a deer that died directly beside the road leading to our old house and it was decaying.  I still remember all the maggots squirming around in its side. @_@ Do you take any meds? If so which and why?  Mood stabilizers, anxiety med, something for nausea if one of my mood stabilizers causes it, Melatonin, something for heartburn, and birth control unless I want my uterus to tear me apart from the inside. Is "no glove, no love" your STRICT policy?  If I actually was to have sex, yes.  Even with me on the pill, I'm not taking any risks.  Not getting pregnant. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law?  Depends on the law. Name a band you sort of like:  What a thing to admit, but Blood on the Dance Floor.  I like some of their songs, while others are just too repulsive. In your head do you call yourself 'I’ or 'you’ or both?  Usually "you," and always when I'm trying to calm or reassure myself, because it's like hearing validation of something from another person. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are (removed term bc fuck that word)’. What do you think?  My former friend used to say that and I fucking hated it. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? How can you tell?  I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure there's science behind men having more of a libido. Do you enjoy wild parties?  I literally could never. Have you ever been stereotyped? As what?  I was called both emo and goth in high school.  It wasn't offensive to me personally, but I don't think I totally fit any stereotype. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate?  I don't for a number of reasons, and I can name a few others I'm pretty sure don't. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Why or why not?  explosion.gif Who looks better naked, men or woman?  Women.  I'm bi, yes, but penises look fucking disgusting to me personally. Is there anything you won’t say unless someone else says it first?  Nothing immediately comes to mind. What’s your favorite type of doughnut? Either glazed or cake (the totally plain ones). Do you have any candles in your bedroom? Do you light them often?  No, I have an incense burner.  I use it often enough. What is your least favorite thing about your full name?  I just don't like my last name, and my middle name's too common, but at least I like the name itself. What’s your favorite kind of Poptart?  Probably the chocolate sundae one.  But I don't like Poptarts much. Do you think you look good with a hat on? I can't remember the last time I wore a hat. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of something? "The Mortician's Daughter" and "Stairway to Heaven." Do you live near a street light?  No. Do you wear any rings? A red gem one I got from Mom, then a "bitch/jerk" friendship ring (Supernatural reference) with my girlfriend. Do you put collars on your cats? When we had cats, yeah. Do you like celery?  Ew no. Did you cry while watching the Notebook?  I've never sobbed at a movie, but I cried, yeah.  I've cried in subsequent watches too lmao.  I think I've always teared up, actually. Do you have a protective mom and dad?  Mom's extremely protective of me.  I'd say Dad's pretty normal. What field trip did you last go on?  Probably for a band competition in high school. Five ways to win your heart:  Uhhh.  Show compassion, patience, generosity, wisdom, and maturity. Your views on mainstream music:  It's getting too vulgar to be on the radio.  I firmly believe children don't need to hear profanity (they don't know when it's inappropriate to use) or talk of sex, and songs just have so much censorship yet lack thereof now.  If you're going to censor almost an entire song, why the hell play it?  Then some songs are so clearly about sex or just openly say the word that it bothers me.  I wouldn't wanna explain what sex is to say my like five-year-old if they heard some of the shit on the radio and asked questions. Put your iPod on shuffle and write that 10 first songs that play: 1.) "Clocks" by Coldplay, 2.) "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, 3.) "Blessed With a Curse" by Bring Me the Horizon, 4.) "Let It Die" by Starset, 5.) "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance, 6.) "Animals" by Nickelback, 7.) "Shoots and Ladders" by Korn, 8.) "Divinity Statue" from DMC3, 9.) "Float On" by Modest Mouse, 10.) "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco. A quote you try to live by: "Life's hard.  Shouldn't you be, too?"  ... It's not meant to be an innuendo. How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive?  I would literally have to be told lmao. Which one of your relationships was the shortest?  Two weeks and it was fucking stupid. Which was the longest?  Almost four years. If you want to get married, what age? I don't have a set age in mind.  Just whenever my s/o and I are ready. What did you end up getting for Christmas? A PS2 after mine broke years ago ahhhh, way too much money from my dad, his wife, and my grandpa, a "meerkat lover" street sign, a meerkat puzzle I'mma do and frame for my room, some pajama pants, an iHome for my iPod, Pikachu and Grumpy Cat plushies that're too cute, among other things that aren't coming to mind rn. Do you think buying underwear/bras at Victoria’s Secret is a waste?  Meh, mixed feelings.  Like they are way too expensive for some damn bras and underwear, but if they make you feel more confident or pretty in your body, buy them. Do you like glittery things? Usually. Do you like Red Lobster?  It used to be my favorite restaurant, but after I got sick after eating there, I haven't gone since.  Even though I was feeling sick before we went, it's just an association thing. What are you most scared of?  Relapse, losing certain people. Favorite video game?  "Silent Hill 2" Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?  YUP. because if you loved the first person, you wouldnt even consider the second.  <<<< This. Do you have any possessions that you’re very attached to, and you’d be absolutely devastated if you damaged or lost them? Absolutely devastated... the little rock I got from my partial hospitalization at Holly Hill.  When someone "graduates," you pick a shiny rock from a jar that gets passed around the room for your "classmates" to wish you well and say anything they'd like to say about you while they hold it.  I cherish that thing so much. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? I guess have oral entirely naked on the old chaise in the living room.  But we were home alone. How much do you want to weigh?  I was totally happy at 120, but I was fine at 140.  Supposedly I should be like 130-something. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick?  Uh probably Walmart lmao. Do you believe that guns don’t kill people and that people kill people? Why?  People kill people, and that's coming from someone afraid of guns.  You have a choice where you're pointing that thing. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one?  I don't like ones that are virtually impossible to understand. Which do you need more: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep?  I'm addicted to caffeine, I can't go two days without it. @_@ Who is someone you know should deserve more respect?  Ha, my Dad from my mom. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven’t watched since you were a kid?  The first movie that came to mind was "Shiloh." Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors?  I truly doubt birds are happy in cages, but maybe if they have enough entertainment and it's big enough?  But I'm sure like dogs and cats are fine indoors considering a whole house is much bigger.  Though I think bigger dogs especially need to be let out to run around sometimes. Hula hoops or jump ropes?  Jump ropes.  Loved it as a kid.  Now my knees would murder me. Can you understand sign language?  No.  But I remember learning this song in elementary school that we had to sing and do sign language to, but I don't remember any of it. Does anyone in your family hunt?  Nicole, my little sister. How about fish? Me and Dad, maybe his dad. Do you pronounce the "l" in salmon?  No. Have you ever gotten stuck on an amusement park ride? Thank Christ no. Have you ever seen an albino animal?  Maybe?  I've seen a white alligator, but it technically wasn't albino. Have you ever tried summoning Bloody Mary?  No. When is the last time you consumed alcohol? New Year's Eve.  I drank a margarita way too fast but felt nothing because my alcohol tolerance is God-Tier. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  (Though I like never drink.) Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? No. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Y U P Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Sometimes. Would you rather go to a University or a community college?  The latter if they offered good classes.  It's cheaper, and you can still get a worthy degree. What’s your favorite kind of bread?  Pumpernickel. What toppings do you like on your pizza?  Only jalapenos or pepperoni. What color or design does your shower curtain have?  It's just white. What color is your microwave?  Black. Could you ever give yourself a shot?  If I had to, yeah. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried?  Story of my life. How many people have told you they were in love with you?  One. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  Well, we're both girls, so actual sex would be psychically impossible, but I'd do as close as we could to it if she made it very clear she wanted to. Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers?  Yes, especially if I'm asking them a question about needing validation for something.  Don't be vague. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin?  I usually do so I know exactly when it's coming.  And if I'm getting my blood drawn, I watch it for whatever reason. @_@ Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes. Do you like strawberry and banana smoothies?  Strawberry.  I doubt I'd like banana. Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? My sister Ashley is literally blind in one eye, I think her right?  For the other two, idk. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really like both "Blair Witch Project"s, as well as "The Crazies." Is it true that people with depression CAN’T function in society?  Sometimes, absolutely. Can you think of any person or group you cannot empathise with?  Pedophiles, rapists, racists, abusive people, homophobes, the list goes on. Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? It'll be either black, white, or ivory, idk. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches?  NO. Do you play video games? If so, what kind?  Yes, just about exclusively story-based ones that usually involve horror.  But I like many others, so long there's actually plot to it. How old is your oldest and youngest friend?  Oldest is like... 32, youngest is 17, I think. How weight conscious are you?  Only extremely. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. What was your first word?  "Dada" What's a show that you absolutely refuse to watch?  "13 Reasons Why" Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 7th grade. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before?  I'm actually not sure.  I don't think so.  If it did, Mom never told us. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?  Yes, until I think a dirty needle was found in one of McDonald's ball pits. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I like it so long you don't leave a mark in an obvious spot. Do you have a class ring?  No. What type of internet browser are you using?  Chrome. How long do your showers typically last? Not even ten minutes. Can you cry on cue?  No. Were you a Nancy Drew reader when you were younger?  No. Are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand?  No, and quite frankly, it's obnoxious.  You're getting intoxicated.  Congrats. Do either of your parents have a mental illness?  Mom has depression, and she says Dad's bipolar, but I absolutely don't see it now that they're divorced. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home?  Own. When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup?  I couldn't tell you.  The most I ever wear is eye liner, shadow, mascara, and lipstick, but I don't consider that a "full face of makeup." Do you own an iPad?  No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?  No, thank goodness. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult?  I FUCKING HATE IT. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry?  I think two. Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?  No, I just wouldn't be able to.  If it didn't have its fangs, maybe? What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?  Anxiety.  Shit would be so much better without it. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom by one year. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No. Do you believe that people can be psychics? No. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow. Red, green, yellow. Does your house have more than one fireplace?  We don't have even one. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard?  No.  My original home was like that, though.  It ALWAYS flooded. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  No, I actually found it flattering to know they wanted me to sign it. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?  A strip club, to name one. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie?  I loved the Phantom Virus one.  Even had the game. Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you?  Yes, unless I ask to just be told. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?  ... Whoa.  I'd feel fucking godawful, but I'd save my grandmother.  I'm not calling the baby less human, but my grandmother is more conscious of life and everything, I guess? Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? Never love at all.  Heartbreak is fucking awful. Have you ever seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" Cliche or worth watching?  I think it's worth watching.  Very sweet movie. Do you know how to sew? What’s your favorite thing to sew? No. Do you own many pairs of shorts?  I don't own any. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other?  Ye<3 Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite?  Fiction.  "Johnny Got His Gun" and "The Outsiders." Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. How many tattoos would you get?  I want LOADS. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest. Would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself?  No.  I'd get a matching tattoo relatively deep into marriage, but name, nah. What’s your least favorite season? Summer. D: What’s your favorite dessert?  Red velvet cake. Do you like cotton candy? Meh, I can have a couple bites. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people?  No. Where do you normally get your hair cut? A family friend's salon. What would your dream engagement ring look like? I really like dragon's breath opal rings or rose gold ones but idk how expensive either are. @_@ What’s the longest your hair has ever been?  Like to the small of my back. How do you feel about bleach blonde hair? Gorgeous on some people, not for me. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say ‘no’ to:  1.) "Do you wanna go get a tattoo?", 2.) "Do you wanna Skype?" if it's Sara. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: Were fat?  Yes. Limped?  Yes. Were a midget?  Yes. Had HIV?  No, because I'm too scared to put myself at risk. Were paralyzed in one arm?  Yes. Had a glass eye?  Yes. Had only 6 months to live?  No, that would destroy me. Would you get married on TV?  No.  I don't want people I don't care about watching. Do you own a metal detector?  No.  I did as a kid, though.

This be another horror-ish film Stir of Echoes

I decide I want to watch films from listicles and stupid articles posted from facebook. I decide to do reviews/re-action blogs/liveblog posts, not because of the film but just if I have time/effort to put in. The only thing I know about this one is that it's a supernatural horror and has Kevin Bacon in it. Creepy child humming and it's not even loaded in the screen yet; I'm betting it's all her fault. Sorry little one you must be possessed or something. Under 10yr old is in a bath, but talking to the camera and not Kevin Bacon (who's playing an acoustic guitar, because reasons). I don't think it's breaking the fourth wall, he be talking to a ghost or something. Yeah he just asked if it hurts to be dead, and the camera turns to reveal there's no-one there.... thought it'd’ve taken longer for that reveal tbh Kevin Bacon goes downstairs to find pyjamas and gets told he's going to have another child, just kinda leaving the kid upstairs talking to ghosts; no biggie Sister-in-law seems more worried about the star sign of the baby, but the only two people she can think of is Einstein and Shirley Manson...oh the days before Wikipedia could fill peoples heads with useless nonsense Little boy's in bed and Kevin Bacon goes in to turn off his lamp, like whoever put the kid in bed should've done that no? And the kids like 7ish why does he need a baby monitor Ah, because all three responsible adults are actually leaving the boy in bed alone to go to a party across the street. No locked doors or nothing... istheirlastnameMcCann?? I hope the wife's not going to be drinking at this party, and wonder how she's gonna keep her new pregnancy a secret while abstaining? There's missing kid posters on a lamppost, I wonder if that's relevant to the plot or just something there when they filmed? Hope the monitor's not 2-way, they're now talking about operating on people under hypnosis... Now Kevin's gonna get hypnotised by the sister-in-law, maybe it's not the kid that's gonna get possessed after all? The hypnosis dream world is cool, the way it responded to the script and everything turning black is simple but effective Now he's going to sleep at 1.11, aren't you supposed to be making wishes at that time? An hour and 15 minutes later his wife's horny and wakes up to have sex, like you might as well she's not gonna get more pregnant now is she. The wife was wearing a blue housecoat in bed and one of her boobs keeps falling out, but always the same one? Like they cant show two because censors so only make her right breast visible guys, hide the left one! Kevin's lying back having visions of blood and a fingernail being ripped off like sorry but you're obviously not that good hen He has to tell her to stop three times before she actually gives up trying to keep him in the mood like that's sexual assault my dear, spousal rape is a thing you know He just pulled a tooth out but was apparently just imagining it so no tooth fairy money for him :( Being possessed or seeing visions is apparently very dehydrating Ghost girl sits beside him when he turns the TV on and says "You can hear me can't you?" but I only know that because of the subtitles because no we can't really hear you. But I suppose people would be too freaked by the jump scare to notice what she's saying He's going back upstairs but he's left the TV on which is very irresponsible and only gonna increase his electricity bills. Jake (the son) is awake and just standing at the top of the stairs like the creepy little shit that he is Kevin's calling the sister in law from a phone halfway up a pole where he's fixing the wires but I'm betting they're probably not allowed to use that for personal calls Sister in law apparently told him to be more open-minded. So not posession but more sixth sense so far. Except he's no Bruce Willis, wonder which one came out first ((nb, this was second by like a month so not really ripping off but I bet that stole a lot of the thunder)) Jake tells his mum about a babysitter saying "Samantha told me" and points to an empty chair...come on, if you were listening to him you'd figure this one out already! No explanation of how long-dead Samantha knows the names of current babysitters that might be free though. Maybe her afterlife is spent keeping current with the neighbourhood goss? Babysitter knocks on the door and screen turns red, this does not look good for you dear. Screen turned red another twice, yeah that's a definite signal you're gonna be screaming soon. Kevin keeps hearing the warning sound every time he sees a red light though, like on cars and not connected to the babysitter so maybe she'll be fine and he's the one that's getting it? Kids at the high school football game trying to sneak beers in by tying them to a rope and having someone else drag it up over the wall....like the crowd and the nearby police car don't know whats going on? Kevin just drank some of his friends vodka which is ok because they're of legal age to drink, but not ok because he is now publicly intoxicated  Babysitter's reading The Shrinking Man which is not about possession or ghosts but a sci-fi horror... Jake's been caught talking to himself on the baby monitor, like surely if you were a ghost you'd get him to turn his set down or off no? Babysitter seems to know who Samantha is and that Jake can't be talking to her, maybe Samantha doesn't know about babysitters but was her friend irl? Apparently the appropriate response to this is to kidnap Jake... Kevin knows he's being kidnapped somehow and is close enough to run all the way home but not close enough to stop her. She gets stopped at the police station and an unreasonably shouty policeman somehow sorts things out Samantha is babysitters missing/kidnapped/well-now-we-know-shes-dead sister and she took Jake to see her mum who works at a train station Jake's mum finally twigs that Jake mentioned a Samantha so maybe she was actually listening to him, if not noticing that he was pointing at an empty space Kevin Bacon and his wife are now questioning their child back home, but he's now playing with dinosaurs and humming like he's finally decided to stop talking about his ghost friend just out of spite Jake gets possessed long enough for Samantha to tell them to talk to her instead...but then Samantha doesn't respond or show up so that was a bit of pointless direction. Now he's sitting on the couch turning the TV off and on as if trying to recreate the first time he saw Samantha but she's suddenly all shy There's a street party and the guy that no-one likes keeps calling Samantha a retard and gets called out for it :) Fight starts and a randomer just spills half his beer onto the street like not planning to join the fight just a bit clumsy lol Kevin's friend is in his house the next day, tells him "they" are gonna kill him and his wife and just leaves to sit on his porch like...could you be more vague? And how did you get in the house? Kevin goes to the friends house, friend's son has a gun, points it at Kevin but shoots himself...because reasons? Ah, dream, ok. But now as ever things are gonna happen in the same way so more of a vision. Kevin's picked up on it as soon as he only has one work shoe...like I'm sure that’s kinda common but well done for realising it normally takes people a lot longer Friend isn't in the house this day, maybe it was a warning and he's a ghost too? He's now went to the friends house but the door was locked this time and friend's son just shot himself. The dad is still alive though... Jake hears bagpipes when walking by a cemetery and thinks its beautiful? Like I'm Scottish mate and I don't think it's a particularly beautiful instrument tbh, its not really meant to be Jake says the graveyard is cool, I don't know if its cause he's been talking to a ghost or if he's just naturally creepy Policeman from the bagpiped funeral knows Jakes different and gives the mum his card, and he and Jake call each other by their first names as if seeing ghosts also lets you see peoples real names?? Kevin's finding it hard to write a song on his guitar but like if you're not gonna get inspiration whilst being haunted you should give up lol Mum goes to see policeman instead of Kevin which is extremely stupid because she can't see ghosts so he probably wont be able to help her much Jakes trying to watch The Mummy (the 50s one not the Brendan Fraser one) and gets told no, not because hes too young but hes seen it before and had nightmares lol Mum's trying to talk to Kevin and getting annoyed when he doesn't answer, ignoring the fact he has large headphones in and volume up so loud she can hear it from the doorway, typical woman thing Their kitchen has a trapdoor down to a basement wheir their boiler is and there's not even a lock on it, with a young child that seems very unsafe Samantha's turned Jake's TV over to Night Of The Living Dead...like his mum shouldve just kept it on the Mummy Kevin with headphones is suddenly in a freezing cold empty house with Samantha and she's freezing him to death, which is not gonna get her what she wants so seems counter productive Babysitters putting up posters for Samantha so yes the posters seen earlier are related-knew it! Kevin's trying to get the sister in law to hypnotise him again but interrupts an obvious lesbian one night stand she's trying to have Mum goes crazy and asks Kevin what he's doing when quite clearly he's digging...kinda obvious... Says she's going to call the police and Kevin says tell them what, like I get you cant see ghosts and probably don't think she's buried in your garden, but you can't call the police and say your husbands digging arrest him please? There's a letter from mum's brother about their granny and Kevin knows she's already dead, like his ESP isn't just connected to Samantha but he can also know other things somehow? Ok he's not going to grannys funeral because he's busy digging, yeah now he is being an asshole but it was her being unreasonable earlier Kevin kicked a bucket and broke a window, I'm not sure if he was meant to but it was funny Now he's digging upthe basement instead of his garden because the concrete floor is actually a better place to hide a body-less chance of being found I've decided the friends son is involved else why would he kill himself? Kevin tells his wife everythings fine when in actuality he's now tore up the floorboards, which I don't see how that helps him with the basement but hey why not? Jake tells his mum he doesn't wanna go home because of feathers like thats very unspecific and helpful but cheers And now after ripping up his garden, hall floorboards and concrete basement floor, turns out the body was in the basement chimney...see if she'd just been a bit more specific with her directions instead of just telling him to dig Now he's uncovered the body and is touching it like you should really be calling the police and get CSI into this shit Touching the body's giving him the flashback of her last moments and how she died which, yeah was due to the friend's son Friend's son and another teenager were getting drunk in the house when it was empty, tried to take advantage of the heavier, slower girl and when she said no turned into assault and rape She fell and broke her tooth and scraped her fingernail trying to get away which explains the earlier minging parts Then they suffocated her to Paint It Black...which is kinda appropriate song for the occasion Two teenage twats like that though would not have known how to build a chimney around the body so I'm betting the landlord knew Kevin's going to warn his friend before calling the police and they walk back to Kevin's house in the rain, his friend has a jacket but doesn't put it on which is kinda stupid... The friend knows! And was holding a gun under the jacket!!  But has now shot himself instead of Kevin. Landlords turned up and his son was the other person that killed Samantha and he definitely knows. This father-son doesn't look like they're gonna commit suicide though Landlord tells his son to have a drink and then they attack Kevin, not sure why he had to have a drink first though? Wife's turned up honking the horn of the car like bitch if there's ever at any point in this film you need to be an impatient bitch its now - go save your husband!! Still not sure of the feathers that Jake warned her about though.... Friend isn't dead! Comes up from the basement to shoot landlord and son! Dunno what the shot earlier when he was in the basement alone was about then? Landlords gun lets off a stray shot which goes through the floorboards, through Jake's bed and pillow....and there's feathers flying around Jakes room. Ok then maybe thats what he meant? Now the friend stands in the living room and says the line about they were gonna kill Kevin and his wife, it was a premonition too. Ghost Samantha's now putting her jacket on and walking away, finally put to rest :) Now they're moving house which seems like an unnecessary expense for a family expecting a second child, and put it this way at least they now know there's no dead bodies in the floorboard of that house at least. They might have to do this all again at another house... Jake can still hear ghosts as the car goes by, not sure if Kevin's still open though? And all the dreams/premonitions/visions make sense and were related to Samantha in some way...apart from knowing about his wife's gran. Howd he know that?