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pappydaddy · 4 years

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Ghost of You (f.w.)

A/N: So, I was just listening to music while writing my Steve series “I Wanna Be Yours” and Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer came on and I instantly started crying so I got a sudden urge to write a sad imagine so, sorry in advance..

Ironically enough, it’s usually me going to write something with the intent for Steve, but end up writing for Billy, but this time it’s a whole different fandom. It actually went from Billy to Steve, then it went to Fred.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Based off the song Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer

Part One - You’re here! | Part Two

Trigger Warning: Mention of death, really sad, angst, heartbreak, depression, PTSD, mention of witnessing death, mention of drinking, slight mention of suicide.

PSA: I DO NOT agree with JK Rowling’s recent comments about the trans community, but I WILL NOT let her and her bigoted and transphobic ways ruin Harry Potter for me. Harry Potter has given me so much, I have connected to characters unlike ever before. REMEMBER, TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. Also, my DMs are always open

Another PSA: I do know the recent drama around 5 Seconds of Summer with the claims that had been made about them, but I also know that they have been proven to be false, one of them having been committed by someone else other than a member of their band or team. I would never EVER support someone who has been accused and found guilty of claims such as the ones that 5sos had been accused off because they are horrible acts committed by sick people. And, I would never outright say someone was falsely accusing, but again, the claims made against 5sos were found to be false or to be committed by other people. If you are not aware of that, I recommend checking reputable stan twitter accounts because (a) they know more than me, (b) they explain it better, and (c) they have proof. If you are a victim, I am so so sorry that that happened to you and I want you to know that you’re insanely strong and just keep your head up! Don’t hesitate to get help if you’re suffering, there are so many resources to help cope, report and all kinds of thing! Also, my DMs are always open

Another PSA: I struggle from depression, anxiety and have lasting effects of a traumatic event so if you are struggling with anything, please seek help. These are horrible things to battle with alone and therapy, psychologist, or a psychiatrist can help you gain the tools to cope healthily and any other tools you may need. Also, my DMs are always open.

This is my first Harry Potter imagine, idk what possessed me to write for a different fandom since my focus has been Stranger Things, but I guess I was going to have to write for the other fandoms eventually, right?

Sorry this is so long, there’s a lot of disclaimers I had to put on this to make myself feel like I am making my blog a safe space for everyone. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation - my gif -

The war had taken so much from everyone. Taken innocence, taken parents, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives; it seemed that nobody was safe from the path of destruction. Even a year after the war, many were still plagued with mourning people ripped away from them by the clutches of war. Fred Weasley was one of them. They had just started their lives together, finally going through with everything they had talked and planned about during those nights wrapped in each other’s arms as they hid from the Professors and Prefects. Those hopes and dreams for the future were now just empty memories and proof of their love. The book that held every little detail of their planned future laid on your desk in your bedroom - untouched since the last time you had touched it before the war. Everything of yours remained in the place you had set them the last time you had touched them. They were frozen in a happier time filled with love and light, not filled with loneliness and darkness.

Fred stirred awake, the familiar feeling of his body being weighted down rushing over him as he blinked his eyes open. His void gaze instantly met the empty side of the bed. It was neatly made, the pillow just faintly smelling of you now. Even a year later, he couldn’t bring himself to lay on that side of the bed - your side of the bed. He had a hard enough time sleeping in the bed at all, not being able to forget the feeling of you wrapped in his arms. Tears burned his eyes as he gazed upon the spot, your laughter echoing in his mind as he remembered all of those mornings he woke up to you just waking up yourself. He’d lean in, nabbing his first kiss of the day and you’d pull away with red cheeks claiming that you hadn’t brushed your teeth yet and he’d claim not to care (which he didn’t) and lean in to pepper kisses all over your face - your laughter bouncing off the walls. He threw the covers off him, trying to fight against the weight trying to keep him down in the bed. Pushing against the invisible force he shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

With ever step he took, every room he entered, came the memory of you. The tune you hummed as you danced from the bedroom to the bathroom, the smell of your shampoo, the smell of your sweet perfume. They lingered through the house like a ghost - a hazy mist trailing behind him everywhere he went. The ball in his throat stung as he tried to swallow it down, blinking away from the tears that welled in his eyes. No matter how many times he experienced them a day since you died, he would never get used to the sting. He’d never get used to the shaking of his hands, the tightness growing in his chest, the racing of his heart, the constricting of his lungs or the vivid image of holding you in his arms, watching the life slip from your body as you took your last breath whenever he heard something that brought him back to that day.

He could smell the fresh coffee that his brother had brewed as he drifted into the hall, a shell of the old Fred. George was used to seeing his brother dancing down the hallway with you, large smiled on both your faces and laughter surrounding the entire apartment. Now, since you were gone, Fred didn’t dance, his feet were heavy against the floors, weighing him down. He didn’t joke around with his brother anymore, his brother missed the sound of his laughter and the humorous tone to his voice instead of the broken and heavy one he had now. The second Fred entered the small kitchen, his eyes instantly landed on the yellow mug with the faint lipstick stain still on the rim, the faded red still a slight contrast from the yellow of the mug. You had never been able to get the stain gone, it had driven you crazy that your lip stick had tainted the beautiful mug Fred had gotten you after you guys ran away from Hogwarts as a homage to your house, Hufflepuff. The plants that you had been growing thanks to your love for Herbology were barely alive, George having been trying his best to take care of them since he knew you’d want them to thrive.

“Morning, Freddie,” George’s voice was soft as he brought his own mug to his lips, sipping the warm coffee. “Made you some eggs,” He told his brother as he pushed a plate of scrambled eggs towards his moping brother before setting a full cup of coffee in front of him. “How’d you sleep?” He asked him. Fred, not lifting his head from his plate of eggs as he pushed them around with the fork George had laid on the plate.

“Fine.” It was a simple word, but it was most of what Fred spoke these days. George hummed, taking another large gulp of his coffee as he let Fred soak in his silence, knowing that if he pushed too hard, he’d revert back and lose all the progress they had made.

“Are you feeling ready for your appointment today? Do you want me to come with you? Or mum, maybe Ginny? I can get Lee to cover the shop if you want me to come.” George asked him, setting his coffee cup on the counter, his hands wrapped around the warm mug.

“I’m fine going on my own.” He muttered, thinking back to his night. He knew that his therapist would ask him about it. It was just like any other night. Sleepless since whenever he closed his eyes, you were all he saw. He knew that if he’d sleep long enough, he could dream of you and it’d be like you never left, but he’d also know that you’d tell him that he’ll be fine without you and he definitely knew he’d never be. You were his.

“Please don’t skip out on this one to sit at the bar and drink, Fred,” George pleaded with his brother. Last two appointments, Fred and went on his own and ended up not even showing up. When his therapist George (them having to have gotten a muggle landline for communication) to inform him that Fred had not shown up, he had search everywhere for him. George remembered the blinding fear he had coursing through his blood that day, not knowing where his brother was or if he was okay. His mind had jumped to every possible conclusion, the nagging thought of the worst hanging in the back of his mind. “You need these appointments, they are good for you,” George pleaded. Fred only nodded, not saying anything while he ate. George watched him take a few more bites before his fork clanged against the plate about still half full of eggs. Fred pushed it away, taking one final sip of his coffee. “Right, so your appointment’s at twelve, so why don’t you get an outfit picked out while I head down to the shop - Mum will be here in a few minutes, I reckon.” George suggested.

Fred hummed, walking back into his room. Molly had been coming over to monitor when Fred left for his appointments and got back, also to watch the phone incase he skipped over his appointment. She also came daily when George was manning the shop to watch over Fred and take care of him. Sometimes, Fred went down to the shop and sorted products, but that was rare. George popped his head into Fred’s room to see him sitting on the bed. In his hands, he held your favourite shirt of his. He stared down at it while a mismatched outfit laid on the bed beside him. “I’m heading down to the shop, love you.” George announced.

“Love you, George.” The sound broke George’s heart. The fear in his brother’s voice every time George left the apartment destroyed him. Fred was terrified of losing someone else and not getting to be there for them, that he can never let them leave his presence without him saying that he loves them. His biggest fear was that you had died not knowing that he still loved you. Everyone says that you knew because you could feel his love for you and he doesn’t want anyone to question if he loved them if he wasn’t there.

The second he heard the door close behind George, he let himself crash down on the bed, laying on his side in a fetal position as he held the shirt to his nose. His jaw was sore as he let the tears fall from his eyes, the lump in his throat twisting itself into a bigger lump. His body shook with silent sobs. He couldn’t help but envision you moving through the apartment with this shirt tucked into your pants or tied up. He hadn’t felt himself slip into sleep as he let himself imagine your arms wrapping around him, encasing him in a loving warmth. He was unaware of his mother walking into the apartment as he finally slept with his imagination configuring you there with him. Molly instantly went to his room to check on him when he wasn’t on the couch, she stopped in her tracks as she laid eyes on her sleeping son, curled up. She only saw Fred sleeping in a fetal position clutching a t-shirt, but Fred felt the ghost of you wrapped around him.

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translightyagami · 4 years

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Hi! If you're not too busy, could you write headcanons about Soichiro being super-supportive of Light and/or Sayu being trans/lgbt please? I need something to cheer me up

Hello! I think i’ve written about this before but being a really unruly tag-er of posts, I don’t think i can find them posts easily. so i’ll try to make some fresh headcanons nonny.

i think this depends on how you see the yagami sibs - their identities n such. i imagine they both end up tumbling into adulthood as trans and gay, albeit in different ways. Sayu comes around to a genderqueer lesbian understanding of herself and dates a LOT of anti-cap art students that Soichiro doesn’t like at all. he tells himself he dislikes how disrespectful her partners are, that they don’t have her best interests at heart, but the truth is that Soichiro can sense how Sayu is looking for a way to be Someone when she’s only been seen as a part, a piece. He fumbles everyone’s pronouns but gets it right on the third try, and Sayu always asks what he thinks of her choices. Soichiro is too honest for his own good but the fights don’t last super long. And even as all the different flags she’s worn collect on his desk - each one a token from a different Pride parade - he knows she’ll be okay; Sayu has never had trouble thinking for herself, and making her own path.

He’s a little worried about Light. His son, who transitioned when he was 14 and who never stopped being Soichiro’s shadow, even when he gained those last few inches on his dad. His son who won’t stop dating men Sayu uncharitably (but, Soichiro privately thinks, correctly) calls weasels. Oh sure, this revolving door of well-payed, nice-enough lovers that Light faithfully brings to dinner twice and then never again - they aren’t a threat to Soichiro’s son. Few things in the world are a threat to him, which is why Soichiro worries about those few things. He supported Light when he had top surgery, went with him to the clinic for testosterone (altho, a bit of needlephobe himself, Soichiro let his wife handle the actual shot), and got Light his job at the NPA with not a small amount of pressure to the higher-ups. Light’s happiness is important to him ... but he wishes Light would care a little more about his happiness too. Instead, Light does what he’s supposed to do - date nice but pliable men, bring them home, and remains effectively single.

“Light,” Sochiro corners him during a work lunch. “I want you to be happy. I want you to meet someone nice.”

“Ah, Dad,” Light laughs. “That’s not for me. I don’t think I’m supposed to be with anyone.” He gets quiet, twiddling his thumbs. “I have other things to do. Important things.”

Sayu graduates colleges and announces she’s moving to America. The whole family is in uproar, in a good way, and they see her off at the airport. Soichiro follows her Twitter updates, sees her meeting new people and getting into social activism. She tells her parents she’s seeing a therapist and she misses them.

“How’s Light?” she asks and Soichiro hesitates.

“He should visit you, I think,” he says.

Light is doing fine. He’s been fine for years. Now working in a higher position and living on his own, he doesn’t bring home boyfriends anymore. His passion is burnt, Soichiro can tell, and he starts asking more and more for advice - something Light never used to do. And Soichiro doesn’t know what to say: what Light needs help with is something Soichiro never had to deal with. His own life was, comparatively, easy - he met Sachiko in college. He married her. They had children. Light can have those things, sure, but it will be different and Light’s never been great at being different. So Soichiro tells Light to keep going forward - he just doesn’t know what else to say.

Sayu meets her future wife at a reproductive rights rally and brings her home after several Facetime calls that were really just gushing about how much she loves her. Sachiko and Soichiro love her too; she’s a little older than Sayu, a trans woman who has a steady job running a bookstore and pink streaks in her hair. She calls Sayu babe, and asks Sachiko for recipes. Sochiro knows she’s uneasy around him at first, but warms when he asks her questions about softball (Sayu played it in college, and Soichiro always found it more fun than Light’s short-lived tennis days). Light is courteous toward her, but he never seems fully present during the meeting. He keeps taking calls and returning to the dinner table a little red-faced.

“It’s classified,” he tells Soichiro, who asks the caller’s name. “I can’t say. But it’s someone safe, I promise.”

Light and Sayu’s future-wife go to bed early, both staying over in the house, so Soichiro sits with Sayu getting some father-kid time in. He can’t help but get her perspective on Light’s behavior. She laughs when he asks.

“Oh c’mon Dad,” Sayu says. “Light’s totally talking to a guy he likes. That’s how he always has been with crushes.”

“What?” Soichiro is shocked. “But ... I’ve never seen Light have a crush.”

“Oh yeah, okay.” Nodding, Sayu taps her chin. “You were kinda MIA at the time with the Kira case. Light used to get all blush-y and red back then when he got calls or visits from this college friend he had. I tried to spy on them once, but you know Light. He’s so good at swattin’ down spy stuff.” She scratches her head. “What was that guy’s name? It was like that actor’s name, wasn’t it? Anyway, Light would go totally dreamy after talking to him, all in his own head. Never seen him be like that around anyone else.”

Soichiro’s mouth gets tight. “Was his name Hideki Ryuga?”

“Huh? Oh yeah!” Sayu slaps her knee. “Oh my god, I used to like that actor soo much. Although that guy didn’t look like him at all.”

“Yes. I remember.”

Soichiro digs through his drawers that night while Sachiko tells him to keep it down while they have guests. But he needs to find a very specific number that he was told to use for emergencies only. He finds it taped under his bottom drawer and dials it on the kitchen phone. There’s a long period of hold music before anyone answers; its not that bad a tune.

“There’s no reason for you to call this number,” L says when he picks up. “I’m hanging up now and destroying this line. What a waste.”

“Do you have feelings for my son?”

There’s a crackle that makes Soichiro think L hung up but chewing noises revive him. L is just eating candy.

“Why do you ask?” L still sounds the same, yet there’s wrinkles in his voice that make him sound almost ... well Soichiro wants to say mature, although the candy ruins that a bit. “I need to hang up.”

“If you have feelings for him,” Soichiro bullies through, “then you need to tell him. Light deserves to be happy and I think you make him happy.”

“Hm.”

“He’s a very special person.” Soichiro has water in his voice. “I don’t think he wants to be, but he is. And if he chooses you, then you would have no better choice in the world than him.”

“Mm.” L rolls the syllables around. “I’m hanging up now. This number will not work again. Good bye.”

Soichiro stands in the kitchen for a minute listening to the dial tone before a scuffle catches his attention. Light steps away from a spilled glass of water, eyes gleaming and wide, as Soichiro hangs up the phone.

“I’m sorry.” Light grabs a towel, his voice wavering and his head turned down. “Sorry, I was getting a glass of water.”

“I meant it.” Soichiro gets on his knees and holds his son’s hands. They’re not as small as when Light was a child but they fell the same - warm, smooth, full of grace even when flexing nervously. “You are special. And you’ll find someone who thinks that someday.”

They hug, briefly, but Light’s phone disrupts them with a loud ringing. Hesitating before he takes it out, Light looks at his dad and his eyes are filled with hope - Soichiro thinks its a nice, new look for Light.

“Sorry,” Light says, “I have to take this. It’s classified.”

Three years later, and Soichiro is worried about his kids - they are both having weddings during the same week. “It’s easier!” Sayu says, because she doesn’t want to fly out twice. “We’re not doing anything big anyway,” Light says, because he and L have almost no guests invited beyond family members. But Soichiro isn’t worried so much about money or flights or anything like that. He’s worried about how it will feel, to see his children going off into the world to make their own families, to be so happy, to see them survive and thrive. And maybe he’s worried for himself, more than the kids. After all, how will it feel to be a man who got everything he ever wanted?

#death note #ooooooof this is longer than i thought #okay well yeah here it is #light yagami #sayu yagami #soichiro yagami #Anonymous

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veldian · 3 years

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tell us more of ur think tank hcs i personally am at the edge of my seat

HELL YEAH ALRIGHT HERE WE GO. some of these might be against canon in some way but that's your fault for trusting me with this

ALSO, AS USUAL, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. THIS GOT VERY LONG. when i think about the tanks i go fuckin wild with it

starting with pride headcanons to get the ball rolling

all the tanks are nonbinary, but additionally, dala is a trans woman and 0 is a trans man

8 hates gender he fucking hates it. every day he wakes up and says "today i will make gender my bitch" and then he does. he says this in the game too you just don't know cuz he only speaks in static (don't factcheck this)

if you ask 8 what pronouns she uses, they will shrug and give you a "i dunno" noise. sometimes it'll make a non-committal hand movement and some unintelligible noises. good luck

god this bitch (borous) is gay! good for him! good for him.

he's also intersex! i don't remember where we got that hc but i like it and im holding onto it

okay but borous calls himself bi because yeah Men, but he also loves dala very much and doesn't want to misgender her. also as previously stated, 8's main goal is to confuse everyone about their gender so the tanks all stick with mspec labels to be on the safe side. you never know what'll happen. gender is a ticking time bomb

bi gang: klein, borous, 0

pan gang: dala, mobius

don't ask her about any of her identities she doesn't know the answer either: 8

have i gone off about polytank dynamics enough? i don't think so

8 and dala started dating first because horny bitches gravitate towards each other. they can also "pass" as a "straight couple" so hopefully no one at work will look at them and call them slurs. hopefully

klein and borous knocked things out of the park for being the first gay scientists ever

8 and dala became polyam icons and pulled 0 in. trans bitches gravitate towards each other

klein and borous did the same with mobius. bitches with facial hair gravitate towards each other

???????

idk and then all six of them started dating somehow. the end

somewhere along the way klein and 8 were like "i like you a little too much" and now they're inseparable

okay anyway. misc hcs

ive mentioned this before but when i pretend everything is in modern times, 0 is a tiktokker and he thrives on the attention and making fun of his coworkers on the internet

"watching steven universe repeatedly when i felt even slightly bad transed my gender" - doctor 8 old world blues

i just remembered i made a carrd for the tanks as if they were kinnies in their early to mid 20s

8 kinned pearl su. borous kinned werewolf cookie. 0 kinned rimmer red dwarf. mobius kinned... morbius forbidden planet. obviously. klein refused to put his kins on it. DID DALA KIN FROM DANGANRONPA

i think at one point we had a half-joking hc where klein gets nauseous if he sees blood

and then that changed to he can't see others blood, only his own

while borous can't see his own blood, but he's fine seeing other ppl's

i know borous said that gabe barked at everyone, but i think gabe trusts the other tanks because he knows borous does

borous set up a kissing booth with gabe. the crowd goes wild

when the tanks get together they usually go to klein's. he's the leader or something. also he has a fucking bar in his house.

he complains about them the whole time but you can really tell he loves having people over. why else would he deck his house out like that? he LOVES hosting stuff. house husband

if you saw my chart where i said klein would rather die than do dishes, i was so wrong. his house is pristine. its easily the cleanest

klein's love language is acts of service. he goes over to his partners' houses when they feel awful and clean stuff up for them when they can't. he also makes them food if they want it. he only complains a little, but you can tell he's mostly teasing

did you know klein has five mugs in his kitchen in-game. he's literally prepared to host his partners at any given moment.

the group have learned that letting 8 come over when their house is a mess is a Huge mistake. it goes from 8 trying to help "tidy up" to "im going to put your books and albums in alphabetical order by artist also your clothes are going to be hue-sorted"

"8 why are there only 8 books on each of my bookshelves"

"it looks better"

"it literally does not"

8 can no longer stomach going into 0's house

on the other hand, 0 hates staying in 8's house. the ticking of all their clocks is sensory hell

on 80 date nights they have to do rock-paper-scissors for which house they go to. or they go out. they love each other but their houses drive the other fucking nuts

oh speaking of their houses. yes dala said she didn't like Literal Teddy Bears but that is null and void considering she has teddies in her house

and she has 5 on her bed. five of them :)

she named all of them after her partners! its mostly cute but there is a slight bit of concern because they know what she does with them <__<

not that 8 has any place to judge. mobius found batteries under its pillow once. all 8 said was "they can vibrate." mobius regrets touching them.

i don't know what to say about dala's mannequins i don't have anything funny im just scared

WHY ARE 0 AND KLEIN THE ONLY ONES WITH BATHROOMS IT DRIVES ME INSANE 0'S BATHTUB ISNT EVEN LAYING DOWN ITS AGAINST THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GENERATOR IN HIS BATHROOM DO THE OTHER TANKS JUST SHIT OUTSIDE I'M SEEING RED

mobius and 0 are both into robotics, and they worked together to make muggy, so they've had date nights where they mainly tinker with electronic things.

0 gets very excited when he makes a breakthrough, and seeing that warms mobius's heart. mobius made a habit of kissing 0 on the forehead or squeezing 0 into a hug when they figure things out.

(0 remembers he likes men.) 😳

dala/klein date nights are essentially just them drinking and gossiping chatting

i asked polycule for some more, so here are ones from your local think tank kinnies

borous -

"klein and borous both like classical music in very different ways. klein mostly likes it to feel smart (see: wheatley) but he just started associating it with the others so it felt nicer And borous just likes it bc hes borous"

klein also likes jazz, but so do all the rest of them

8 has a cochlear implant

"dala likes dressing up to look pretty (see: runway) but is personally embarrassed by it (until she gets encouragement) bc she feels like the others dont support that"

"0 loves collecting and reading those stupid magazines with the birthday party products and themes that ud wanna buy from as a kid but are way too expensive"

"mobius has a secret love for puppetry and will try to bring it up sometimes whenever he can. hes made 3 separate sets of the other tanks as puppets and they freak 0 out"

"borous, in an attempt to better his faults, has started learning from dala and 8 on how to take care of plants instead of what he did before. his basement turns into a cool little green house cozy cuddle area"

"to add on: 8 gardens to cope whenever hes alone bc (projects onto ur kin) he mood drops very fast when alone"

"mobius likes dressing in cozy sweaters and fancy stuff"

0 -

"0 doesn't like anal that much" (thanks.)

dala -

"their new rap album called boyz in the tanks" (THANKS.)

and to top things off, :) here are the normal names for them all, created primarily by our borous kinnie

klein - Ernest Klein (nicknamed ernie)

mobius - Wilbert Mobius (nicknamed bert)

borous - James H. Borous (nicknamed jamie)

dala - Dala Theodore (HER NICKNAME IS TEDDY ITS GENIUS)

8 - Emmett Handley (nicknamed 8 + emmy)

0 - Robert O'Barrick (nicknamed 0/O + robbie (HIM SHARING HOUSE'S NAME IS INTENTIONAL. HE'S TRANS HE PICKED HIS NAME WHY DID HE DO THIS))

#tech.txt #old world blues

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mikenewtonhateblog · 4 years

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My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin.

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

#no i am not looking for critiques on them #i get my critiques elsewhere lmao #my ocs

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inmusicalseveryoneisscreaming · 5 years

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Heart of the Theatre- Chapter 1

Welcome to my new storyyyy!

Tumblr-exclusive! (For now)

Pairings (so far): Newsbians (main ship ofc)

AU(s): Mentions of Middle School!AU but it's College!AU

Specific Things to Know: Trans character, l e s b I a n s

Chapter Specific TW: Homophobia, Violence

Way back in middle school, both girls had realizations. They didn't even know each other, but these realizations aligned perfectly. ************* “Samuel Jacobs” was in eighth grade when he came to his realization.

“What're you saying, Samuel?” David looked at his older brother, with his longer hair, he was known in school as the boy who insisted his hair be slightly longer than most males they knew. Samuel gulped, looking at his hands, playing with his fingers. David knew quite well this was how his brother calmed himself, so David sat and waited.

“I don't want to be ‘Samuel’ anymore, Dave..” Samuel mumbled, looking the younger boy dead in the eyes. Davey sat there confused a moment, before the realization hit him in the face like a fist. He felt wrong calling the figure in front of him ‘Samuel’ now.

“You-?” He didn't even finish before Samuel pulled out a dress from the plastic wrap cover he came in with. “You wanna crossdress?”

“No, no, David, I…” Samuel wiped at his eyes with a sigh. “I want to be a girl, Davey. I don't feel comfortable like this. I want to be Sarah, I want to be Sarah Jacobs. Sarah with she/her pronouns. Not Samuel with he/him pronouns. I want to be able to wear dresses and have long hair and just be a girl!”

“Transgender. That's what you're saying?” David asked, just to confirm. Samuel- no, Sarah- nodded. “Mama and Papa know?”

“David, they'd never accept it. I'm asking Gran to help with it. She's trans, I've heard she's trans, just… Let me transition without Mama and Papa knowing, okay? I'll tell them after…” Sarah squeaks out in the naturally more high voice she already had. She was in a male’s body, she was born a male. David smiled softly though, it'd make her happy. Which was good, if his now sister was happy, he'd be happy.

“Okay, Sam- I mean… Essie. I've heard that's a nickname for Sarah?” His sister gave him a gentle smile.

“It's perfect.” ************* Katherine Plumber (it's actually Pulitzer but who’s asking?) was in eighth grade when she kissed a girl for the first time.

Rafaela was her best friend, and Katherine thought she was beautiful. At first Katherine brushed it off, it's normal to think your friend is pretty, right? After a while, it was pass the simple admiration of looks.

Katherine found her hands ached to run their fingers through Rafaela’s long, black hair. She found her heart ached to be told she was loved by this girl, desperately. Her eyes, how they longed to see how Rafaela’s face looked up close, mere centimeters away. And her lips wanted to pull her towards the raven haired girl and join their lips without a care.

And soon the aches Katherine’s body was feeling stopped. Because she lunged herself forward while Raf was staying over at her house and just… Kissed her.

She kissed her long, she kissed her soft, she kissed her deeply, she just kissed her. It was that simple. And Rafaela kissed her back, only pulling Katherine in closer by the waist. They were chest to chest, hands steadying on the other, they were in a moment of perfection. Katherine felt her heart beat out of her chest and fall out, but Katherine still thrived.

Until her father came into the room to check on them.

“Katherine Pulitzer!” Her father practically growled, dropping the dish of baked goods out of his hands. Rafaela jerked away, leaving Kath’s lips with an odd feeling to catch them again. But when she noticed her father standing in the doorway, clenching a fist with clenched teeth, Katherine felt her world freeze.

“Dad, I'm-.” Before she had time to answer, her dad stepped forward. And then Rafaela left the room, probably the house. Her mother was at work, it was just them. It was because Rafaela left no one witnessed what was about to happen.

“What!? A homosexual!? A mess!? A demon of a creature?!” He reached out, grabbing his daughter’s hair, pulling her up forcefully. Katherine felt tears escape, to which her father only slapped away. “I raised you better than this, Katherine Ethel Pulitzer! Kissing girls, such a disrespectful girl!” His other hand gripped her arm tightly, keeping her in her place. Katherine squirmed, just wanting it to end. “You’re a daughter of the devil, hope you're happy.” And like that, he threw her to the floor, taking a clump of her hair with him.

“You may pack up and leave this house.” And he turned, taking Katherine’s notebook, ripping it in half, before slamming the door. Tearfully, with no other option, Katherine packed the essentials and left. She lived with her aunt, she lived there, happily. And soon her mother came too, and Katherine didn't even ask why bruises painted her skin. Katherine knew well.

Her father hurt her mother too, but they were gone now. Hopefully for good. ************* Katherine took a deep breath, squeezing her arm, calming herself. “You're okay, Kath. It's just a theatre show. That's all.. Don't stress, just a college show!” She gave the same pep talk to herself every rehearsal, all the time. Theatre minor, she had to pick theatre. Something that greatly affects her and her social anxiety, but she did it, and she wasn't one to back down. Plus, it gave Katherine an opportunity.

The Prom was the show, a show Katherine connected deeply with. Lesbian student gets prom canceled cause she wants to bring her girlfriend and then other crap happens, Katherine only wished her kiss and want to do something like that didn't end with Rafaela running out and promptly leaving the state. Katherine somehow got the role of Emma Nolan, you know, just a lead role! That sent Katherine’s brain into a whole different flurry. People would certainly make fun of her, boo her, beat her up backstage…

“Are you Katherine?” A pleasant voice who Katherine didn't know the owner of asked. Katherine looked up from where she was looking at the ground and a lump formed in her throat.

Standing in front of her was this gorgeous girl. Her hair was like caramel brown silk, running down her back in waves. Her eyes were warm and inviting, the color of mud after a small rainstorm, it made Kath smile. And, oh God, don't get Katherine started on her smile. Smile lines, slightly wrinkled together brows, and dimples, all accented by peach lips… Katherine felt as if she were flying and falling at the same time. Katherine felt her face go red suddenly.

“Sorry, um, but y-yes! That's, um, M-me…” The other girl smiled directly at her, once again sending Katherine’s heart on a relay race.

“Great! Nice to meet you, Katherine. You play Emma, right?” Katherine nodded, swiping a hand across her mouth to make sure no drool is dripping. Though she wouldn't be surprised, she's still ogling this girl. And, oh God, she made Kath’s name sound so special and she just sounded even more attractive when saying it, and there goes Kath’s heart again! “That's great! I'm Sarah, Sarah Jacobs. I'll be playing Alyssa.”

#Newsies #Newsbians #Katherine Plumber Pulitzer #Sarah Jacobs

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rageprayer · 6 years

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get to know your followers 💕

i got tagged by @plutosmoons, thank you so much! ^___^

Rules: Answer the questions (which you can change if you don’t feel like answering certain questions) then tag 20 followers you want to get to know better!

1. Nickname? i've never had a cool nickname but people in school used to call me gluten (or any variation of rye/wheat/oat boy) because my surname in my language literally means 'an ear of wheat' :') i actually liked it just because it was a running joke between all of us

2. Gender? male. i'm trans too

3. Star sign? taurus sun scorpio moon leo rising

4. Height? i'm 164cm which is like, almost 5'4 i think? i'm a smol boy

5. Favorite feature? i'm just gonna list some things i like about my body ok are you ready - my pupils are always slightly asymmetrical, and noone knows why. it happened around the time i started getting migraines and my right one is constantly slightly more dilated than my left. it's just a neat random thing that looks cool - my nose. i have hands down the best nose from my entire family and i'm damn proud of it, it's cute - my hands and lower arms in general, i've always liked them but i have like. visible veins on there now which is.. my kink tbh. i have really small wrists and my forearms are covered in scars which i used to hide but i love them now and i'd never get rid of them, even if i could. i also really like the shape of my nails. - i've been on t for so long that my midsection/hip area and neck/shoulders/arms actually have some definition to them now and ngl, it's kinda hot. i constantly stare at myself in mirrors @__@

6. Favorite plant? i fucking love plants, all of them. BUT my favourite ones are any that have purple leaves instead of green, they're like the goths of the plant world and i want some in the epic garden i'm gonna have someday. in terms of flowers i am obviously in love with roses and anything that blooms dark purple or black, but also dandelions! they are rays of sunshine and the fact that they're so common just adds to the magic. joy really is everywhere my favourite trees are pine trees - they smell amazing, and poland is covered in pine forests so they just really remind me of home and i feel connected to them. my favourite plant of mine that i'm growing (i love them all equally though, they're my children) is currently my tomato bush because like, it's turned into an actual bush. it's only in a box on the balcony but i had to put a stick in there to support it because of how big it is. and i grew it from seed too :o

7. Favorite animal? dogs! i will always have at least one dog, i love dogs with my whole heart and i want several when i have my own place and space for them all :D some other animals i really like are rats, bats, spiders and ants

8. Favorite Bands? What have you been listening to lately? i'm changing this because i suck at picking favourites. i actually haven't been discovering much new music lately; in terms of albums, it's been type o negative's october rust and bloody kisses, and this fabulous remaster of depeche mode's violator (i am IN LOVE with what they did to personal jesus at the end, seriously. so good. if you scroll down the comments far enough there's some people hating on it but honestly? i don't know music and it all sounds gr8 to me so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) i'm not religious at all, but i discovered this collection of russian hymns and it's one of the most haunting and beautiful things i've heard in a while. the fact that i can kind of half understand the words just adds to the mysterious magical feel it has. i really like the first one on there, and it kind of makes me wish i could sing in any way because like, it's SO beautiful, i actually had a dream about it. also lots of adam lambert, placebo, some random fifth harmony songs from the reflection album and helena by mcr because it was stuck in my head all day yesterday >__< (yes, i am perfectly aware that there is no coherency here. i thrive on chaos)

9. Dogs or cats? dogs all the way, but i can apprecieate a good cat. i'm not one of those weird cat haters

10. Number of blankets you sleep with? two, and i hug pillows because i'm l o n e l y

11. What’s your dream trip? somewhere warm because i am so. tired. of whatever the heck this is and i need the sun. i'm thinking warm but not too tourist-y? if i do go somewhere, i want to see interesting things but also be surrounded by nature. honestly take me anywhere though. surprise me. i love going places and i have no expectations show me a big rock or something and i'll be like !! WOW

12. What’s your dream job? i have no idea .___. i know i want to be self-employed eventually because the perspective of having to arrange my entire life around strict work hours is depressing at best, but i don't know what i actually want to do

13. When did you make this account? i don't remember precisely, i know it was a few months before i started using it so i'm guessing sometime in summer 2017

14. How many followers do you have? i'm choosing to keep that a mystery, but my follower count is actually quite close to the number of people i follow so that's cool

15. How many pets do you have? I HAVE A DOG i love him so much he's an angel <3

16. Best places to visit in your town or country? my town isn't the biggest or most exciting place to be, but we do have a very nice central area with some impressive views over the river, a very old cathedral, some good cafes poland is mostly fields and forests, we have the sea up north and mountains at the bottom, and a cool lake region too

17. Favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip, pistachio, coconut and lemon sorbet. anything fruity is good too

18. How often do you read? not nearly as often as i used to. i read things on the internet all the time but i haven't touched a book in a few months, and i don't really have the attention span for it anymore. which is sad because i used to regularly take things out from my school's library and i loved reading so much, my brain just doesn't work like that nowadays. it's also really hard to find interesting books without some hetero bullshit in them, but maybe i'm just looking in the wrong places

19. Favorite study locations? this is irrelevant because i'm not in school anymore lmao

20. Favorite book series? Favourite movie? yes, i’m that bitch that chooses films over books. fight me about it. i’m sure you’ve all seen me post about it, but my current obsession is the lost boys. i actually wasn’t that impressed by it the first time i saw it, but it really grew on me when i realised just how gay it was. gay vampires are like. My Thing and the tension between david and michael is SO there i just can’t unsee it. it was filmed in the 80s too so it has that sligthly odd vibe to it and i love the idea of a group of vampires on motorbikes so much, it’s so cool

Now tag 20 of your followers! i'm tagging 13 of you because i do what i want (no pressure though, you absolutely do not have to do this if you don't feel like it)

@sinistergouache @bugzrule @cerise-cutie @gendermenace @bitchinpoison @softvamps @necrocomicon @garbage---rat @sableyesmaw @queer--cryptid @gutlessghostboy @killrot @that-spooky-boy

i'm also officially tagging any of my followers who aren't mutuals but see this and want to do it anyway, go for it!

#long post #this is so fucking long oh my god #got a little carried away lmao #get to know your followers

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yenneferw · 7 years

Text

@goshua requested some more trans!tony

so i was originally go with some tonyrhodey but then i changed my mind for more irondad so here we are

also this is kind of short but i wasn’t feeling Great about it so jsdlfkjd

Happy drove him to the Avengers compound in silence as always, but the difference this time was that Peter wasn’t pressing that silence. He watched out the window as the world flew by, tapping his fingers on his legs and worrying about how this trip was going to go.

The last two times he’d spent a weekend at the compound, it was really fun. But the last two times he went, he had been in a good mood, excited for a weekend at the Avengers compound, a weekend hanging out with Tony. The last two times, they had talked about science and the Avengers and watched movies with Rhodey. Tony had answered his abundant questions and seemed to genuinely enjoy talking about his suit and his classes with him.

This time, all Peter wanted to do was curl up in his bed.

When they got there, he grabbed his bag out of the trunk silently, walking toward the side door closest to the living area of the Avengers compound. He still had his earphones in, grounding him in the moment away from the sounds of the people who bustled around the compound all the time. As he walked into the open space of the building, a flash of wings burying him under rubble appeared out of the corner of his eye and he felt his breath catch.

“Hey, kiddo,” Tony called from down the hallway. The sound of Liz’s dad’s voice echoing through the warehouse came back to him, a little distant with the music in his ears, weaving itself in with Tony’s words. He stood still near the doorway, his heart caught in his chest.

Tony was approaching him, walking into the room, and he could tell from the way he slowed down as he got closer that he could see something was wrong. Peter watched him, the clothes he was wearing feeling restrictive and the music playing in his ears seeming to go up a couple volume levels.

“What’s up?” Tony asked cautiously.

Peter had forgotten how to talk, but he felt like even if he could open his mouth, the thought of trying to explain what he was feeling would only grate at his skin.

“Are you okay?” Tony was coming closer again, his hand out and coming to rest on his shoulder. He was the king of dadly shoulder-grabbing moments. It tied Peter to the moment, and he reached up and tugged the earphones out of his ears. “Hey, talk to me, Pete.”

Tony’s face looked like May’s did when she wanted him to open up. He felt swallowed in how tightly he had kept his fear to his chest lately, because there was no way he was going to tell May about being trapped underneath a building. And he usually talked to her about the way some kids at school treated him like shit, but those things still piled up.

It wasn’t that he felt like it was easier with Tony, but more that Peter felt like he would understand it better than May might. And he wasn’t going to worry so much that he would take away the suit if he heard about Peter’s anxieties.

He wanted to pour everything out at once, but all that came out was the initial cause of his low mood: “I lost the binder you made me.”

Tony paused for a moment, assessing that, and then squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll make you another before you leave this weekend,” he promised him. “Don’t worry about that. Guess I should have thought ahead to make a spare.”

Peter shook his head, because this really wasn’t all about the binder that Tony had made him. It had sucked, but he had worn his original sweatshirt over his spidey suit to make up for the fact that he didn’t have the special-made binder. “But I lost it, and it was really warm so I didn’t really want to wear a sweatshirt while I was out, and there was this guy and he asked why I was wearing my pajamas out to fight people, which was stupid and shouldn’t have bothered me but it made me all self-conscious about the sweatshirt—”

“Hey, I really am listening, kiddo, but you’re talking way too fast.” Tony put an arm around his shoulders, guiding him over to the couch for them to sit. He sunk back into it, remembering watching all the movies with Tony and Rhodey here. “So someone was an asshole?”

Peter fiddled with his headphones, twisting them between his fingers. He felt like it was bad for the cord, but he liked having something to do with his hands. “The sweatshirt guy didn’t bother me too much. It’s just— everyone’s an asshole. Not everyone, I guess, but a lot of people.” He was still talking quickly, but not so quickly that Tony looked lost.

“Yeah, there are always gonna be assholes,” he said. Peter looked over at Tony, hoping that his only words of advice weren’t to resign himself to their asshole behavior. He had been putting up with transphobes for a lot more years than Peter had, and in the public eye, too, so he was sure he had some way of dealing with them—at least in his head. “You know what I do when the assholes get to me?”

“No.” The question was rhetorical, he knew, but he spoke before he thought about just letting Tony go on.

“I think, I’m fucking Iron Man.”

Peter smiled a little bit. “That makes you feel better?”

“Well, they’re not Iron Man, are they? They’re just an asshole with nothing better to do,” Tony said. “And if thinking I’m fucking Spider-Man doesn’t help, you think about the not-assholes.”

Peter nodded. I’m fucking Spider-Man. He had stopped an illegal weapons dealer before—from a plane in the air. That was pretty cool. People like Flash and his buddies hadn’t done anything like that.

And it was pretty cool thinking about the way he and MJ could joke about cis people together, or the fact that he chose to remember Uncle Ben through making Benjamin his middle name.

“What do you do when you remember things though?” Peter asked, uncertain of himself. He didn’t know that he liked acknowledging that those feelings were back there. It was scary in and of itself that the memories haunted him like they did. “Like, things that happen while you fight.”

Tony seemed to understand immediately. “Has that night been bothering you?” he asked him, guilt peppering each word like it was his fault that Peter gained superpowers and ended up fighting Liz’s dad.

“Sometimes. In big buildings sometimes I see the wings flying around me,” he admitted, and it felt better than he thought it would to finally let that live outside of his head. In his head, it was a monster thriving around him when he was the most afraid, but aloud, he knew that it wasn’t real. Toomes wasn’t coming back.

“So that’s why you got a little”—he made a random gesture with his hands—“when you came in.”

Peter nodded.

Tony thought for a moment, and then let out a breath. “I have to remember to breathe. I have to remember where I am, not what’s happened to me,” he told him. He wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulders again. “I’m sorry, kid. It’s not fair that you have to deal with all of this.”

Peter shook his head, not liking the way Tony spoke like he had caused every bad thing in his life, right down to Uncle Ben’s death and the transphobia and all of it, or something. “I don’t want to not be Spider-Man just because I see things sometimes,” he told him. “I still want to help people. I want other people to not have to be hurt by people like Toomes.”

Tony squeezed his shoulder. “God, you’re a good kid. How are you such a good kid?”

Peter looked over at him, listening to the lingering guilt and the pride mingle in his voice. He wanted to say something clever, but it took him too long to come up with something. “Thank you,” he said instead.

Tony smiled a little and patted his back. “Do you want to watch a movie? I think Vision wants to join in this time,” he said.

Peter nodded, a smile coming to his face as well. That talk had made him feel better, but not completely perfect. But watching a movie was easy, and didn’t require talking if he didn’t want to talk. Plus, he felt like watching a movie with Vision would be cool. Everything with Vision was cool. He was like a fucking robot guy who walked through walls—he was automatically cool 100% of the time.

“I’m a good kid because I’m fucking Spider-Man,” he blurted out as he thought of it, but it wasn’t until after he said it that he realized it wasn’t even clever enough to say when they had moved past that topic. Actually, it made little sense at all, but he stood by it anyway.

Tony rolled his eyes at him. “You think you can handle making the popcorn?” he asked. “I’ll get Vision and Rhodey.”

“Of course I can, I’m fucking Spider-Man.” He stood up, setting his bag down by the couch and dropping the earphones on the table.

“Why do I get the feeling May doesn’t let you say ‘fuck’?”

Peter shrugged. “Don’t know where you would get that from at all.”

Tony grinned a little bit. “Well, hey. Good to see you’ve got your sense of humor back.”

“Fucking Spider-Man never loses his sense of humor.” He went into the kitchen to make the popcorn, pulling out a couple of bowls to dump it into.

“Fucking Iron Man and fucking War Machine want the cheesy kind,” Tony called back into the kitchen as he disappeared down the hallway to retrieve the other two.

#trans peter parker #trans tony stark #peter parker #tony stark #smhc #my writing #mine #iron dad

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dailyveganmeal · 5 years

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Is Vegan Popularity on the Rise? Analysis with Google Trends

Is it just me, or does the Vegan population seem to be exploding at a rapid rate right now? It seems like there are more and more Vegan options in the grocery store every time I visit. There must be much more demand for Vegan options if companies are increasing their Vegan offerings like this, right? Let's see if we can analyze this somehow. Google Trends is an interesting tool we can use to see if people are indeed getting more interested in Veganism. We search for the term "Vegan" in Google Trends and set the date to the longest we're allowed to, January 1st, 2004 til now, November 12th, 2019.

Google Trends for "Vegan" | January 2004 - November 2019 To read this graph is pretty easy. 100 refers to the most popular the term has ever been in Google searches. It looks like the peak time for Vegan searches was in July 2017. Right now the trend number is 99. We're almost at an all-time high! If we look at the line graph since the beginning, it's on a steady uphill climb overall. It definitely looks like Vegan searching is on the long-term rise. It's logical to assume that the Vegan population is growing, which is leading to an increase in Vegan search terms.

Estimated Vegan Population at 6% in the United States (2019)

According to a recent article from veganbits.com (updated on October 27th, 2019) it's estimated that 6% of the United States population is Vegan. This is an enormous increase from a previous study in 2016 where only 0.5% of the United States population was estimated to be Vegan. Now we can see why Vegan products are getting more and more shelf space. The Vegan population is indeed growing, and it's growing exponentially!

Why Is Vegan Popularity on the Rise?

More studies, documentaries, and books are coming out all the time about how beneficial a plant-based diet is. The three main reasons people are turning to a plant-based diet are for the environment, for health benefits, and for the animals.

For the Environment This article from the Oxford Academic states that Veganism has the lowest carbon footprint of every major diet. Vegan is the lowest at rating 1, then vegetarian 1.1, and pescatarian 1.9. The highest footprint ratings were omnivore 2.3, paleo 2.8, and keto was the highest of all at 4.2. Animal agriculture is not sustainable. It takes too much land to grow crops to feed all of the livestock. It's also a leading cause of global warming from the high amounts of nitrous oxide, methane, and carbon dioxide it produces. 26% of the Earth's land is used for grazing livestock, while another 33% of the land is used to grow livestock feed (source: OneGreenPlanet). That means almost 60% of all of the Earth's land is used for animal agriculture. That's too much! It's not sustainable. Rainforests are being burned back everyday to make more land for animal agriculture. Rainforests are climate regulators, and we need them more than ever right now! This quote from NationalGeographic explains the impact of losing rainforests: "Rainforest loss is a double-whammy for the climate: It contributes emissions while removing a future potential source of carbon storage." There is an eye-opening article published in August 2019 from npr.org - To Slow Global Warming, U.N. Warns Agriculture Must Change. It explains that we need to cut greenhouse gas emissions in half within the next decade to avoid irreversible impacts on some ecosystems. In the article there is a quote explaining how the significance of reducing meat consumption would affect us: "The World Resource Institute estimates that if people in the U.S. and other heavy meat-eating countries reduced their consumption of beef (and other meat from ruminants) to about 1.5 burgers per person, per week, it would nearly eliminate the need for additional agricultural expansion (and associated deforestation), even in a world with 10 billion people. Check out "Cowspiracy" if you haven't seen it yet. It could very well blow your mind! More people are becoming aware of the negative effects of animal agriculture on our beloved Earth, thus leading to an increase of the Vegan population. For Health Benefits According to this clinical trial study where participants switched to a plant-based diet consisting of raw fruits, vegetables, seeds, and avocados for 4 weeks, they noticed drastic improvements in their overall health. The study led to this conclusion: "A defined plant‐based diet can be used as an effective therapeutic approach in the clinical setting in the treatment of HTN, hypercholesterolemia, and other cardiovascular risk factors while simultaneously reducing overall medication usage. Patients may find this therapeutic approach preferable to conventional and costly drug therapy. Further replication trials are needed with larger sample sizes, control groups, and other dietary comparison groups."

Whole Food Plant-Based (WFPB) Diet Foods What about the Keto diet, it's healthy right? The Keto diet is super popular these days. People seem to be able to lose weight at a rapid pace with the Keto diet. This diet is low on carbohydrates and high on fats and proteins. A person on a Keto diet eats mostly meat and dairy, limiting fruits and vegetables, while eliminating grains. In the short-term this diet can lead to weight-loss, but in the long term this diet is putting massive damage on the body. Animal-based products contain high amounts of LDL cholesterol (saturated fats) which have been shown to increase plaque in arteries leading to heart disease. They've also been linked to increase risk of diabetes and cancers. Since someone on the Keto diet eats animal products as their main food source, they're adding dangerous amounts of bad cholesterol (LDL / saturated fats). If this person keeps up this diet for the long term, the results could be tragic due to much higher increased risk of heart attack and stroke.

The long-term effects of a Keto animal-based diet could be devastating Is any Vegan diet healthy? No! Junk-food that doesn't contain animal-products is still detrimental to a human's health because it often contains trans-fats, which are another form of LDL cholesterol. Trans-fats are even considered worse than saturated fats from animal products (animal products contain small amounts of trans-fats also!) because they lower good cholesterol called HDL, while raising bad cholesterol. Imagine how much damage you're doing to your body if you're regularly consuming animal-products AND junk-food. Heart.org says that trans-fats can be found in many fried foods, like doughnuts. They're also found in many baked goods including cakes, pie crusts, frozen pizza, cookies, crackers, and many types of hard margarine. Look for "0 g trans fat" and no hydrogenated oils on ingredient lists of food labels to limit your trans-fats! A plant-based diet can be very healthy though if the diet is fairly balanced, and trans-fats are avoided or limited. Someone who eats a healthy plant-based diet can reverse previous damage done to their bodies and even cure existing ailments, as shown in this clinical trial. For the Animals Definition of Veganism: Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose. It's obvious that animals are killed in order to provide meat. What's not so obvious to many people are the brutally tragic conditions that farm animals must endure through their lives to provide humans with meat and by-products like milk and eggs. We're led to believe that animals are free-range and live a good life before they are humanely killed. It's simply not the case. Humane slaughter is an oxymoron. It doesn't make sense. Even if an animal doesn't feel pain when murdered, it's not humane. Humane is defined as: "marked by compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals". Killing an animal when it's not necessary is NOT humane. It's not being compassionate, sympathetic, or considerate to the animals. Just think about it, would you want to be humanely killed, or would you rather live? These animals want to live. No matter how people try to justify animal slaughter, it is not humane. There are many graphic videos you can watch to see how bad the conditions are for farm animals, who have feelings just like you and me. Check out Dominion and/or Earthlings if you want to see how farm animals are treated. It is truly sad and disgusting how they're enslaved, with babies stolen from mothers, and their lives are cut short when they're murdered. The truth is that no animal deserves to be killed, when it's unnecessary. We don't need to consume their products to survive and even thrive. We are healthier WITHOUT eating animal products. Any nutrient we are missing from not consuming animal products can easily be supplemented, or is in Vegan fortified products, like Vegan milks for example. Take a daily multivitamin and don't worry about it! More people are becoming aware that it's not necessary to consume animal products, and that's a key factor as to why the Vegan population is growing. My favorite film right now is a newly released one called "The Game Changers". It's an excellent fun-watch documentary showcasing athletes who eat plant-based diets. This post contains affiliate links. If you click on an affiliate link and make an order, we get a small cut of the sale for referring you. It costs you nothing extra. We greatly appreciate anyone who uses our links, thank you! Read the full article

#Veganpopulation #veganpopularity #Vegan #GoVegan

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riverflowsthroughit · 7 years

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Correctional Peace Officer, Writer, Activist, San Francisco

I was driving down the mountain in a 4x4, alone and on a road so bumpy it felt like off-roading. Basically I was off-roading on the Haleakala mountain, but I didn't even notice. I was listening to a podcast where a woman was pouring her heart out, and I heard her. Her struggles, brutal honesty and feelings of despair and triumph. And the more I listened the more I wanted to understand her story and interview her. Several searches, tweets, messages and I was sitting across from Ms. Hauwert in San Francisco, eating fish and chips. She had a day off from working as a first transgender correctional officer in San Quentin State prison and I was honoured that she decided to spend couple of hours with me. Opened in July 1852, San Quentin is the oldest prison in California with population of about 3,774 as of December '16. The state's only death row for male inmates, the largest in the United States, is located at the prison. I had so many questions and I was also intimidated to meet a person who handles herself so well among population of mostly men, in a tough environment. I did not need to worry because Mandi in person was even more lovely, kind and warm than the woman I heard over the speakers. Below is the very honest and unapologetic q/a where I learned something and was left with at least 100 more questions. 1. Name Mandi Camille Hauwert 2. Where is your hometown? Port Hueneme, California 3. What is your profession/career/title? Correctional Peace Officer—Writer 4. I first heard you talk about your journey / transitioning on a podcast interview where you describe the difficulties in personal and professional life. Can you describe what are some of the differences between feeling acceptance in your personal and professional sphere (at home vs. at work)? I believe that acceptance is vital to a successful transition. In my life, I am both a transgender woman and a peace officer; yet, within each of those environments, I am somewhat of an outcast. Inside the prison system, social progress is stifled. They remain decades behind the societies in which they reside. Racism, sexism, and homophobia find a home here—not that recent political events in the USA haven’t uncovered many of the same rampant forms of bigotry prevalent in our culture. It is no surprise that those working inside the justice system would find the idea of a transgender woman to be unnerving. The outside world is, only recently, coming to terms with the existence of transgender people. It is as if they are being told that the world they thought they knew, is no more; in fact, it never was. To my trans-family, being in law enforcement is either the most heroic thing that I can do, or it makes me a traitor to our cause. I have become an oppressor, in their eyes. It is an incredibly isolating experience to work in an environment where you are always fighting to gain acknowledgment. To better the very system you find yourself in. In the interim, you have to defend that career choice to those in the transgender community who, quite frankly, have every right to question and be wary of anyone who would call themselves an officer of the law. I am not hated by every co-worker, just as I am not hated by every transgender person; however, it is for those who would throw me to the very depths of hell itself, that I continue along my path to bettering myself and my world. I am most fortunate to be in a position where I can even begin to make those changes, to a brighter, more inclusive society. 5. Biggest feeling of accomplishment since making the decision to transition? My most significant accomplishment—thus far—would have to be the four and a half years I spent working toward gaining the acceptance of my parents. Going from, “You killed our son.” to, “This is our Daughter, Mandi.” My parents have made a substantial transition, perhaps more than my own. They had to come to terms with the idea that they were not losing a son; but, gaining a daughter. That I was still their child—their miracle baby. 6. What are the challenges you face as a female managing men and what has helped you to overcome those challenges? It was kind of interesting to see how the inmates reacted to me as a male versus a female officer. For one, they tend toward softer more calming voices—I learned later that it’s their attempt at flirting indirectly. I struggle, now, to have men take my authority seriously—in just about everything. I don’t think they notice; but, they explain things to me now, things, I already know—better than them usually. Although, I will say that I am not treated as a woman by all. To some, I am that “tranny.” A sideshow attraction. To overcome or deal with many of my newfound problems, I looked to other female officers. I asked odd questions, like how to ward off unwanted male attention, or how to survive when you’re awash in a sea of testosterone and male aggression. Most people I think forget, I was never a man—at least not from my perspective—and though I’ve always been a woman, I have not always been treated as one. In other words, I had a lot to learn about being a woman in a male-dominated workplace; I am still learning. 7. What are some stereotypes about your line of work that are true and which are unfair (not true)? Stereotypes are a funny thing; often they can be alarmingly close to reality—others—they miss the mark entirely. The problem with stereotypes is grouping. When they get applied to an entire sub-group of people as being immutable facts or qualities. For example, when many people think of correctional officers—prison guards—they’re imagining something akin to the guards in The Shawshank Redemption; lumbering knuckle draggers who revel in inflicting pain and suffering upon another human being they see as scum. Do these type of guards exist? Absolutely; however, in today’s modern prison system, those sorts of individual quickly go from wearing a badge to dressing in a prison jumpsuit. My experience of most correctional officers is they tend toward conservative viewpoints, chauvinism, and a strong sense of justice. Like all of us, they are flawed; they have qualities which are not best suited for working in prison. Yet, for balance, we need all sorts. I am a communicator; I talk my way out of bad situation. But, there are situations where talking just isn’t going to work, where a harder approach is warranted. As an officer, my job is to ensure the safety of those in my charge and to make sure that the will of the people, through the courts, is carried out—namely, that those sentenced to incarceration, serve out their time. I was not hired to make their lives a living hell or to pass judgment upon them. 8. What was the biggest disappointment and plan to overcome it? I’m assuming you’re referring to my biggest disappointment since transitioning. For me, it has to be my potential as a writer. I’ve had some success, and writing about my journey has given me so much to write about; yet, I remain blocked somehow. There are barriers that I seem unable to defeat. Really, it is the desire to contribute something of significance to the transgender movement—more than simply coming out at San Quentin. While that is indeed an accomplishment worthy of attention (ahh—so egotistical), it does not feel quite right. I have more to offer; I am more than an intriguing headline. A talent that I have been fostering my whole life has been my writing. I make no particular claim as to the brilliance or ingenuity of my prose; but, it is all that I know, all that I am, and all that I have to give. 9. Advice for other men looking to transition (related to thriving as a transgender woman) and Advice for other women (trans and not) who may be looking to enter your line of work? First I need to address the usage of language in the question itself; I would be derelict in my duties as a trans advocate if I did not. When you ask about advice for transgender women—referring to them as other men—I understand the confusion in pronoun usage; after all, before transitioning, they are typically living and presenting as men. Yet, I would advise any individual, writing in the transgender sphere, to avoid using the assumed pronouns of the trans person(s) in question—unless it is absolutely vital to tell the story. It would be the same for transgender men—not referring to them as other women. Sorry—preaching. For those who may or may not be transgender, looking to enter into corrections, I would first ask—do you have any other options? Kidding aside (Am I?), Working as an officer in prison is, tedious, stressful, and dangerous. We need all sorts of personalities wearing a badge; diversity in policing is incredibly important in creating a better environment for all—or at least as good as a prison can be. Be prepared to see things that may disturb you, frighten you, or shake you to your core. And if any of that sounds ominous, then corrections is not for you. Remember, those in our care are human beings and deserve respect afforded to that title. If you cannot separate your personal feelings toward their crimes—and do your job—then you will struggle. We are not here to be their friends; but, neither are we here to be their tormentors. And to the transgender hopefuls, know, that things are still improving; the department of corrections has a few miles to go yet. If you can, transition before you apply. If you come into your own while wearing the uniform, I can only hope that your experience is better than mine and those who’ve come before. We are here—I am here; should you need to reach out for advice or a friendly ear, I am always willing to listen. 10. Where in the world do you feel “tallest” (i.e. where is your happy place)? My happy place, is not so much a place, as it is an activity—writing. Specifically, scribbling in my notebook with a good’ole pen or pencil. With a piece of paper, I am God. I hold the fate of each blank page in my hand. Before me is infinite possibility waiting for my thoughts to give it form and purpose. Even the act of regarding the beauty of a blank page gives me satisfaction. With a pen and a piece of paper, I can control the fate of my deepest, darkest, thoughts; my heart tore open upon the page for others to read, to ponder, and perhaps—to learn. 11. What extra-curricular activities/hobbies are you most proud of? Why? I’ve had so many hobbies, it is hard to know what to chose. Learning martial arts rates high on my list of activities I’m most proud of. However, my reasoning for taking it on in the first place has to do with my childhood. I used to get picked on and beat up. The worst of which happened during shower time after P.E. I wasn’t comfortable undressing in front of boys—I am a girl—and that made me weird, and outcast. And around junior high, I began to notice my attraction to males; the bullies too, noticed me, noticing boys. I was the target of regular beatings, usually while kids yelled homophobic epithets. It was a kid on the playground that saved me one day; literally sailing over my prone form and kicking my assailant. It was his intervention and the knowledge that he possessed such knowledge thanks to the study of martial art, that moved me to seek training. In the years that followed, I gained a Sandan (third-degree black belt) in Shorin-Ryu and a high rank in Wing Chun Gung Fu. Over 20 years of hard work and long days punching and kicking—all so I could walk through life without being in fear of my life. I’m not too shabby at Close-up Card Magic either. 12. What is the future goal/challenge (career and/or life goals in 5-10 years)? I’ve always said, that at my ten-year mark with corrections, I’ll promote; I am well on track to that goal. My ultimate career goal, however, has to be living and working as a writer, and author. I love it. Toward that goal, I have made progress, and I need to continue pushing forward. Perhaps a biography is in my future—though I love writing the stories of other trans people as well. 13. What fears are you still hoping to overcome? I want to, desperately, overcome my fear of living. For decades, I’ve suffered from depression. In fact, I couldn't say for sure whether or not I’ve ever been happy. Having to deal with Gender Dysphoria and all of the fears that come with it, have left me spent. While my darker emotions come quickly, I find it hard to connect to the brighter side of my psyche. I have—and continue to—suffer from suicidal thoughts and ideations. I am a survivor of more than a few attempts. More than anything, I want—need—those self-harming thoughts to stop. The scariest part of it all is that I have no idea—short of medicating myself into oblivion—about how to end this deadly cycle. 14. Anything you'd do differently (if you had another go at life)? Can I be born a girl? If not then —no. The reason? There is no guarantee that my life would have been any better today, had I come out at a young age. During the 80’s and the 90’s, the treatment for transgender people was shock therapy. They’d literally attach electric contacts to your skull and turn up the juice. Besides, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to do many of the things I’m doing today—like making history as the first openly transgender correctional officer at San Quentin. (ps…I was born a girl; I just didn’t tell anybody right away.) 15. What inspires you? The unending creativity of the human mind gives me hope for the future; I draw from its wellspring to turn the void into being. It is from the example set by my progenitors that I draw my inspiration. 16. What are you hopeful about? Hope is a fickle friend for me. I sometimes feel that the more I hope something, the further it races from my grasp. If there is hope in me, it would have to be for the bright future of our young transgender family. 17. What are you reading now? (what books do you gift most and what are your favorite reads?) I mostly read non-fiction—science, psychology, and philosophy. I do love Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett as my go to fiction authors. The book I’ve gifted most—even going to the store to buy new copies just to give away—is Gavin-De Becker’s The Gift of Fear. Mostly it teaches people to trust their instincts in dangerous situations; that we often notice more about the world around us than we give ourselves credit for. 18. Who is a “WOW Woman” in your life who inspires you (and why)? Perhaps it’s cliché; but, my WOW woman is my mother. She has overcome so much in her life and still managed to raise loving, caring, and compassionate children. I would say more about her story; however, I do not want to tell it, until she is ready for the world to hear it. She is far from perfect; she has flaws which I would never admonish; though I have yet to run across a better woman to look toward, to show me what a woman is—a decent person. 19. Where can others find you/your work (links to websites, blogs, etc.)? My HuffPost Blog

#Wow Mandi #WOW Woman #WowWoman #blog #Photography #tumblr photographers #Amazing women #Strong women

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protestmagazine · 6 years

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Counsel the Creatives: Mental health in the community Community

a journal entry

A few months ago I promised myself never to live the romanticized life of the ‘tortured artist.’ The tortured artist lifestyle seems to focus on remaining tragic because it's thought of as beautiful, not about finding beauty in tragedy. They perpetuate a state of melancholia by choice and through their actions, not because of uncontrollable circumstances. Melancholia becomes them. I don't want that, I want to be happy. Before denouncing my trauma as my identity, I thought I would only want to write from the perspective of a broken version of myself. I was happy to settle with quiet suffering, grappling at life through the scope of unchecked mental health issues. Settling for tough memories alone as motivation for writing only stunted my growth as a writer. Still, It took years to undo the habit of reducing myself to sad stories. Now I know, and I mean I really know, and understand that there is more. I am not a sad story.

Art is great for healing, I believe that. Creative work is a great way to reconcile with traumatic experiences. I get that, but, mental unrest shouldn't be a prerequisite for creation. And what's an artist supposed to do when they are so overcome with symptoms of mental illness, the ability to create anything disappears? No one is immune from experiencing mental health disorders in their lifetime but the presence of mental illness within creative communities in particular runs rampant.

Theories on what perpetuates the link between mental illness and creative people are abundant. It's been said the creative person’s vulnerability, eccentricities, and desire to isolate themselves can initiate and fuel mental health disorders. The creative person is vulnerable in that we want to experience everything fully, by fully I mean being present in all ways- emotional, mental, and physical availability. Artists tend to remain fully present even when situations become toxic or harmful. Self-preservation becomes an afterthought.

Pictured above: Kei Slaughter performs at the Mental Health Music Showcase at Three Keys

I wonder how the public's consumption of art affects the artist. After spending countless hours pouring their heart into their craft, let's imagine the creative person finally produces work they are proud of. They become visible in ways they may not have been ready for, their work becomes a subject of criticism. The artist may thrive in the energy focused on them, whether they are mer with good reviews or not, they enjoy the convsersations happening as a result of their work. Or the artist, still very much vulnerable, becomes weak under pressure. They might shrink if criticism is too negative or conversly anxious if critism goes well. Lots of people are afraid of their success. An irrational fear that they've already reached their peak. How are we supporting the artist after they've been completed consumed by us?

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and New Orleans Musicians Clinic came together for a Mental Health Music Showcase days before the start of Essence Fest. New Orleans Musicians Clinic created an inclusive outreach program for people within creative communities called, You Got This. The program focuses on suicide prevention and connecting people to clinically effective self-care resources.

NAMI and N.O. Musicians Clinic are strengthening the community of artists living with mental health issues with peer-to-peer education programs and events. Artists from the showcase performed original music in a dark venue, dimly lit by small candles on tabletops. The setting was... romantic, intimate, and vulnerable. The musicians were present in body and mind which in turn demanded the attention of the audience. They all spoke candidly about using music as a coping mechanism during and after traumatic experiences. We, consumers of their craft, listened compassionately to the music out of respect for its meaning and the artist behind it. Music for survival. Another trend among the artists was acknowledging the importance of support from their chosen families and bandmates. Creatives who come together to validate each other's experiences with mental illnesses is liberation. They can see a reflection of Self in the success of their peers and show compassion when needed- slowly shedding the feel of isolation and building trust.

I worked hard to release conditions of my mental health as parts that encompass my identity. That's a form of shrinking myself that I promise not to participate in anymore. As I worked through that false belief, I also needed to learn that my best work wouldn't come from pain. My pain isn't a condition of my artistic talent and success. True creativity, to me, comes from experiencing everything fully- emotional, mental, and physical availability. How can I be fully present while under the fog of OCD, anxiety, and depression? How can I develope as a creative if I only channel melancholy to create? There is always more. Expansion; moving from the tunnel vision of mental illness to the vastness of mentally wellness.

Resources for (creative) people who could use some help cultivating mental wellness.

As found on New Orleans Musician Clinic / You Got This

Crisi Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the US with any type of crisis, at any time

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8225)

Trans Lifeline Hotline: 877-565-8860

Trevor Project 24/7 Hotline: Staffed by transgender people to aid transgender people's well-being 866-488-7386

BeyondNow Suicide Safety Planning Tool: A tool for creating a suicide safety plan, it outlines ways to known and handle warming signs, identifying reasons to live, create a list of compassionate supportive people in your live, professional support, and more. Click here for more information and forlinks to download the apps on iTunes and GooglePlay

National Alliance on Mental Illness - the nation's largest grassroots mental health organization. They educate and advocate for millions of Americans living with mental illnesses. You can also reach them by calling their HelpLine, Mon-Fri 10-6PM EST, at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264). Click here for an even longer list of their resources and recommendations for more organizations and hotlines for assistance.

#creative therapy #NAMI #New Orleans Musicians Clinic

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