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jennifercrowart · 3 years

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D&D Diary - The Yawning Rodent, 11

Refresher: Our adventurers Lugs (grung barbarian), Lurk (grung rogue), Aelia (tiefling cleric), and Valas (drow sorcerer) with tagalong Deku (ratfolk cleric) levelled up to 3, and Lugs and Lurk were able to get their new subclass abilities - Lugs becoming a Path of the Storm Herald barbarian with a swamp storm aura, and Lurk becoming a Soulknife rogue using psychic abilities.

The party went down the well shaft into the lower floor of the Sunless Citadel, lying to Yusdrayl about still needing to find Calcryx down there when, in reality, they'd found her earlier and taken her to the Rat's Nest to recover from her mistreatment at the hands of the Kobold Gang and Goblin Gang. They defeated a bugbear hunter and his two giant rat pets, and looted his old cave room. Next, they found a laboratory, and subdued the goblin interns working there. They found and rescued Chadley Hucrele, one of the Hucrele siblings they were sent to the Sunless Citadel to rescue in the first place. He'd been experimented on by a man they've heard of called Belak, who seems to be the boss running the lower floor of this citadel and controlling the Goblin Gang, so Chadley had started to transform into a plant creature.

Sunless Citadel spoilers!

The party decides to start exploring more of this floor by checking out the large rift that opened up from the back of one of the laboratory's empty rooms. The tunnel quickly becomes pitch black, with no luminescent fungi growing off the walls and providing light like in the other rooms of the temple. Luckily, Lugs has his candle of Continual Flame strapped to his head to provide a source of light as he goes down first.

Chadley asks if the party knows what they're going to be doing, and if he should do anything as well. Aelia tries to check out if he's got what it takes to fight, but in his current state - sickly, beaten-up, and scared, with plant-like growths growing out of his barky skin, and stripped of his armour and weaponry - it's nearly impossible to tell. Not wanting to send him back upstairs alone, they decide to take Chadley with them.

The rift they're going down looks like the earth has split to either side, probably when the citadel sunk beneath the ground. The lower walls and floor are littered with 2-foot-wide holes. As they go further down, they find what looks like corridors to the left and right sides of them - a single corridor of the citadel that had been rendered straight through when the rift formed, offsetting the two halves from each other. They try the left-side corridor first.

At the end of the corridor is a small room, no traps or locks on the door. The lovely tiling in the room has since been shaken up by the earth, crumbling and falling off the walls and ceiling and smashing on the floor. Everything is covered in thick layers of dust and dirt. On the floor in the centre of the room is a decorative circular tile, with writing on it in Draconic, and in front of it against the back wall is a stone statue of a dragon with a tray in its mouth. Deku translates the writing on the tile into Common, stepping back and telling the others that it says, "let the warrior's strength embolden my body."

Everyone starts having a look around the room. As he's normally quite good at investigating already, Deku casts a spell on Lurk to help boost his abilities even more. He opens his purple eyes and a laser grid shoots out, scanning the area. Lurk determines that this place looks like it was made to be a small offering and prayer chamber for the lower class occupants of this citadel to worship the statue. Aelia, recalling her basic archaeologist research about the Sunless Citadel that she'd looked up before they got here, realises that the statue is of a red dragon in particular, and must be of Ashardalon - the red dragon the Cult of the Dragon (AKA Keepers of the Secret Hoard) worshipped when they once lived here, before the citadel fell. Deku confirms this, having read about it in his Cults Around the World book.

Lugs tries putting 100 gold pieces into the offering tray the statue is holding, but nothing happens. Deku, wondering if the people who would come here to pray would do so while standing on the decorative tile, tells Lugs to stand there and copy the words he says in Draconic; "Let the warrior's strength embolden my body."

Although he doesn't really understand, Lugs is eager to play along as he usually does, and mimics what Deku says while standing on the tile. Suddenly, a torrent of blue flames - not real flames, just an illusion - jet out of the tile's seams and wash over him, imbuing him with strength. He tells Lurk that he feels sturdier than before, as he now has advantage on constitution checks and saves for the next while. Happy with this service, Lugs puts 200 more gold into the offering tray. Amazed, Aelia and Deku scramble to do the same so they can get a boost to their wimpy spellcaster constitutions, but the tile and statue no longer react, even when Aelia tries to offer some gold in the tray. Sighing, she returns all the gold to her pockets.

The party goes back through the corridor to the rift passageway, and Lugs, again, goes first while the others try to look out for any traps. The rift splits into an open cavern, full of more of the holes in the ground and lower walls. Just in front of the doorway is a littering of what appears to be goblin bones, picked clean. At the back of the cave, one of the larger holes glows with a warm red and orange light from within. As Lugs walks gung-ho into the cave and his companions talk amongst themselves behind him, the light from the hole starts to waver, and then disappears further down the hole until it's no longer visible. Suddenly, a large red snake with tendrils of flames licking off its head and body looms out from the hole closest to Lugs, the source of the light now clear as it radiates a hot fiery glow from its body. Lugs' frog skin tingles uncomfortably as it starts to dry out from the close proximity. The fire snake hisses, revealing their long fangs.

Aelia, for some reason not phased at all, marches from the thick of the group up to Lugs and the fire snake. As though she was a snake wrangler in a past life, she wastes no time in outstretching her fingers towards the creature and upcasting Guiding Bolt. A huge flash of light sparks from above her head and shoots towards the snake, and everyone tries to cover their eyes, blinded for a moment from the flare. As their spotty vision returns, they find that the fire snake has already been completely annihilated by the extraordinarily strong spell. Aelia blinks, eyes wide in disbelief at what just happened and how strong her spell was, and slowly lowers her hands.

Lurk goes to check out the rest of the snake's cave, the holes clearly leading to a tunnel system beneath the ground that it had made. In its nest at the back, he finds a few gems, which he pockets immediately. Aelia notices but doesn't say anything, like their secret siphoning off of treasure before the rest of the party notices has now become a game between the two. Nothing else is really in the cavern aside from the remains of toasted goblin skeletons.

The party heads back out into the rift, backtracking to find the other half of the corridor from earlier and going down it. Showing a bit of confidence for once, Chadley smirks and flirts, complimenting Aelia on her strong spell, but she doesn't really take any mind. The door at the end of the hall opens up - as they suspected - the final unexplored door from the garden chamber they'd entered into at the start of this floor, after dropping in from the well shaft above.

As they're back here again, they decide to explore the nearby bugbear hunter's cave tunnel that they'd left behind earlier. Lurk tries to go down it, and it's lit with the luminescent fungi, but it appears to fork, with one path leading upwards and the other path leading further downwards, presumably into the Underdark.

They go back through the laboratory, to where Lugs had once passed through the weapon storeroom and found a door to the adjoining unexplored hallway, its walls decorated with etchings of dragons torching cities. Knowing that Lugs had seen another bugbear gardener with a mean sickle-bladed glaive on their back when he'd poked his head in earlier, Lurk goes on to scout ahead, quietly sneaking out the door and hiding behind a pillar. Sure enough, the bugbear is patrolling the hallway, and doesn't see him. He creeps up behind her, and, after quickly coating his scimitar with the poison from his Grung skin, suddenly stabs her in the back before she even realises he's there.

The bugbear yells in pain and surprise and whirls around, lifting her glaive to defend herself while backing away from Lurk. The grung rogue, not bothered by the normally-intimidating height difference, suggests she drops her weapon and surrender, or he'll kill her. Frustrated and badly hurt, the bugbear hesitantly complies, and Lurk snatches up her glaive as soon as it hits the ground. Having disarmed her, Lurk goes and opens the main door from the laboratory, inviting the rest of the party in. The bugbear, dripping a lot of blood from the wound in her back, sinks to the ground to sit against a pillar, defeated.

They try to ask her questions, but the bugbear is flippant. Lurk tries to offer her 25 gold to buy her loyalty from her boss, Belak, sure that it would beat the wage he pays her. She doesn't seem to care about the money. Growing frustrated with her rude behaviour, Aelia steps forward, hands glowing with a spell to finish the bugbear off - but Lurk stays her hand. He suggests the bugbear leave the citadel and go to the Rat's Nest to find honest work, but she spits back, saying she has no idea what's waiting for her on the upper floor if the party of adventurers have already killed Durnn and the other goblins, suspecting Lurk just wants to send her into a death trap. Valas and Deku realise that she may be right, as the Kobold Gang are still upstairs, and would surely kill anyone they perceive to be a Goblin Gang member if the bugbear were to try and pass them. The bugbear also doesn't know how to get to the Rat's Nest at all. Valas comments that she doesn't seem to necessarily be loyal to Belak or to her job, but just nervous about testing her boss' power. She says she took the job here with her best friend - the bugbear hunter, Balsag - because it just sounded interesting and like she'd get to fight. Additionally, she adds that most of the goblins on this floor are just untrained interns doing research jobs for Belak, not fully trained bandits like Durnn had on the upper floor.

The party starts talking about how they want to proceed. The bugbear says the rooms connecting to this hallway are mostly arboretums where the interns are working, as well mentioning a snake being in one. Deku asks how to get to where Belak is, as she says that he must be working as usual, and she gives him the directions which he dutifully scribbles down onto a piece of parchment: go up through this hallway to the northern arboretum, take the southwest door from there into the big dragon shrine, go up through the library, down and along a very long corridor, and there at the end he'll either be in his study, or he'll be at the back of his massive main garden. Of course, Lurk hears that they should start by going north, and he immediately goes south into a different arboretum.

In there, he finds a few goblin interns and a bandit gathering white fungi from the garden beds into little baskets of test tubes. He casually commands them all to drop to the floor, and the interns immediately do so, hiding their heads beneath their hands as they cower. The one trained fighter in the group initially draws his scimitar, but when he sees that the others have surrendered, he drops his weapon and puts his hands up. Valas, Deku, and Aelia set to work on gathering all the white fungi, convinced it must be the same ingredient used to make the potion that Chadley was forced to drink to turn into a half-plant creature. Valas uses his Frostbite cantrip on the pile of fungi they gather, killing off the plants so that no one can continue using them for such nefarious purposes.

Lurk moves on to the southeast arboretum off the dragon hallway. After a cursory look, he sees that no one is in this one. As he's walking through and having a poke around, another fire snake suddenly rears out from a hole in the centre garden bed, poised to strike him. The realisation dawns on him that, although this room was otherwise empty, a lot of the plants here look burnt and charred, which he'd noticed too late. Before the snake can attack, he flees the room and slams the door shut.

Lugs, instead, pokes his head into the same room, as the snake slithers around to face him. Reaching into his pocket, he grabs the strips of jerky pet treats he'd taken from the bugbear hunter's body, and tosses them in front of the fiery monster while rubbing his fingers together and saying "pspspspspspsps" like trying to coach over a cat. The snake stops, staring him down for a few minutes, before it greedily snaps up the jerky. Lugs grins widely, and dashes off to retrieve one of the goblin carcasses slain by Lurk in the laboratory earlier. He eases into the arboretum to drop the body in front of the snake, before running back to hide behind the door, eagerly peering through the crack to watch. The fire snake, again, stares at him, flicking their tongue in and out and trying to gauge the grung's intentions, before they unhinges their jaws and begins swallowing the goblin whole. Lugs tears a small strip of fabric off of his pants and rubs it on his skin, apparently trying to make sure the fabric clearly has his scent on it, and tosses it over to the snake's meal so the snake can get used to his scent. He closes the door all the way, and turns to Lurk, proudly saying that he's feeding his new pet snake, so Lurk should tell the others not to go in there. Lurk's amused.

The party goes back into the laboratory, taking the bugbear gardener with them. Lurk sets to work rounding up all the surviving goblins they'd terrified into submission (as well as waking up the confused and scared goblins who had been sleeping in the bunk room), but is suddenly surprised that the goblins - particularly the untrained interns - are so scared of them now, shaking in terror as he tells them to all line up. He tries to calm them down, but also says that they have a choice: they can either go up to the upper level and face the Kobold Gang, or they can go into the hunter's Underdark tunnel. Valas cuts in, saying that, as an Underdark native, he says it's definitely not a good idea to send them into the Underdark - they'll surely die, as it's such a dangerous place. Deku asks the goblins why they're torturing humans (like Chadley) for Belak, and the bugbear confirms that the Goblin Gang had been taken over by Belak and his aggressive bugbear crew, giving the weaker goblins the choice of either obeying him or being killed - so they obeyed him.

The adventurers decide to take the goblins and bugbear with them, potentially back to the Rat's Nest or to the surface where they can be let free. Finally, Lurk asks the name of the bugbear they've captured. She says that her name is Grimwarg. They start tying up the prisoners so they're linked around the waists by a rope, still able to climb up the well shaft to the upper level but unable to easily escape their captivity.

Before they leave, Lugs ducks his head into the snake's arboretum again, and says in Grung, "goodbye for now, Snakey, I love you!"

They all climb up the vines in the well to the upper floor, with Valas and Deku leading the way. As they climb up, Deku says that he thinks Valas will do a great job of lying to Yusdrayl about Calcryx, and gives him a friendly pat on the back while stealthily casting a charisma-boosting spell. Valas notices the spell, but wilfully ignores it, taking the encouragement.

When they reach the top of the well, Yusdrayl is dozing in Durnn's old throne, still sitting upright with her head leaning on her propped-up hand. The two elite guards on either side of her tap the stone throne so she wakes up with a start, greeting Valas and Deku and asking how they've gone on their search for Calcryx. Valas tells her that they haven't found the dragon yet, but they did find a laboratory where the real boss controlling the Goblin Gang has been experimenting on people. Since they haven't found Calcryx yet, he theorises that this is because Belak must be keeping her with him, not letting the valuable creature out of his sight. Yusdrayl agrees that that's probably the case.

As Grimwarg and the other goblin prisoners start to come up from the well, Valas also tells Yusdrayl about how they captured most of Belak's workers from his laboratory. The Kobold Gang leader is impressed, and mentions how her guards escorted Durnn and the last of his gang members after the big fight out via the tunnel the Kobold Gang has that leads to the surface, used by their foragers to find and bring back food. She suggests that these prisoners be escorted out by her guards as well, but Valas politely declines the offer, saying they have it handled. Grimwarg comments that this must be the Kobold Gang leader that she's heard about before, and Yusdrayl tilts her chin up at her, boasting about how she's beaten the Goblin Gang and chased Durnn out.

Because of his broken arm, Chadley wasn't able to climb up the well by himself. When Lugs reaches the top, he throws back down a rope that Chadley can hold onto with his foot put through a loop at the end, so the strong grung and everyone else can haul him up. When Yusdrayl sees the human, she's appalled, disgusted at his transformed body, and agrees that Belak must be stopped. Chadley looks embarrassed and ashamed.

The party suggests that Chadley can get seen to at the Rat's Nest, though Chadley says he could probably contact his mother to send someone to fetch him so he can be seen by the family's private and expensive medical professionals. While he would like to stay and help find his sister, he's aware he's in no shape to do so.

Ready to leave the Sunless Citadel so they can take the prisoners away and get themselves a good rest at the inn, the exhausted adventurers leave Yusdrayl and continue on their way out.

#dnd #d&d #dm diary #dm diaries #dnd diary #dnd diaries #the yawning rodent #sunless citadel #5e #d&d diary #d&d diaries #dungeon master #session recap

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definealetheia · 5 years

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Note to self when I feel like I'm going insane (unfinished)

STOP OVERTHINKING!

Sit back, relax, and take deep breaths.

Listen to chakra tune up meditation music. Unblock your chakras and let the energy flow through your body.

Don't intentionally block your heart chakra. Stop suppressing your feelings, whether it is good or bad. You have to deal with them and heal your wounds. The more you suppress your feelings, the longer your agony will get.

Do you still have doubts about the connection?

Remember that you have already let go of the label Twin Flame. The question whether he is your Divine Masculine or not is not important anymore. The Universe may or may not give you the answer after all. BUT you can honor what you feel is true. You love him. This is your truth. You don't need the Universe to tell you that.

It is okay to doubt the connection sometimes. It is normal to experience doubts and fears in this journey. It is scary and full of uncertainties.

I don't get why other twins refer to someone they meet as "catalyst" who will activate your awakening and you believed as your twin but ended up as otherwise. Same logic goes for false twin. I don't get it. I don't think there is a false twin or a catalyst. That person is either your twin or not. Why would you need a catalyst to activate you? Your twin can do that himself. It doesn't make sense to me. People who started their spiritual journey even before they met their twin were awakened due to several possible reasons. May be because of traumatic experiences or they come from a spiritual background. As for those who were not awakened until they met their twin, I don't understand why the person who activated them ends up only as a catalyst. What for? You will only recognize that person as a catalyst once you meet your true twin. And then it would be like you're restarting your twin flame journey with your true twin! Wth.

Remember the reasons and synchonicities that lead you to believe he is your twin.

He activated my spiritual awakening.

It was August 29, 2018. I met my twin online right after I graduated from grad school. I finished another milestone in my life. I finished a job contact and ready to start a new life. I was optimistic about the future. I've been single for years and thought it would be nice a start a new one. But I didn't want to start a relationship just for the heck of it. I wanted to find the one. I've been saying this to the Universe for a quite some time. I might have manifested it when I met your twin without knowing it.

I've been suffering from MDD and GAD for years. I was in medication and went in and out of hospitals after every suicide attempt. For a long time I was suffering from an existential crisis. I did not know who I am or why I am alive. I did not have dreams of my own and was just living to fulfill the expectations of my family and society. I did not have any goals nor did I have reasons or motivations to pursue anything except meeting others' expectations of me. I needed to finish school and establish a good career, help my parents, and then have my own family. As good as those things were, I did not have the right motivation to do that.

I have always felt I don't belong anywhere. I was bullied in school and even at work. It made my depression even worse. Everywhere I go, terrible things always end up happening. I always felt uncomfortable, unsafe, and being wronged by people. I felt unlucky and miserable all the time. Everytime I try to turn my life around and gain a little hope, terrible things happen and that little hope I had get taken away from me.

I was never religious nor spiritual. Having a master's degree in Philosophy, I have an extensive experience on critical thinking and being skeptical. I don't label myself as agnostic. In fact, when it comes to my spirituality, I refrained from associating myself from any religious group or any spiritual belief. However, during one Philosophy class where we talked about religion where some of my classmates studied in Catholic seminaries, I remember sharing that I don't believe in (Christian conception) God but I do believe that there is someone or something, maybe it be metaphysical, divine, or a force that governs everything in the Universe.

I have always had the affinity to look at the sunset and the night sky. I has been part of my routine. My childhood dream was to became an astronaut or astronomer. But life happened. Part of my routine was talking to the Universe while watching the night sky. Whenever I feel suicidal I always tell them that I don't belong down here. I want to be among the stars. That's where I feel I belong, not here. I talk to the stars as often as I can. They saw me cry and all. They let me know they are listening by showing me shooting stars. I even saw asteroid Juno and other comets during one of my nightly routine. It always feels magical when they show me how beautiful the Universe is.

Recognizing the soul connection

I have been interested in Japanese culture and martial arts. I've been practicing a japanese sword martial arts since January 2017. Since I wanted to learn the language, I installed a language exchange application on my phone and that's where I met him. To be honest, I was open to the thought of possibly meeting someone online but I did not realize that I would actually meet someone like him. I met men who were more interested in flirting with me than learning another language. That's very common online. But I was not interested in them but when I met my twin, I did not know that from then on, my life will turn bat shit crazy. I was just following ramdom people on the app but I also made sure they did not look sketchy or suspicious. He followed me back. He suddenly commented on a picture I posted of me and my cat and then he sent me a private message. My first impression of him is he was very flirty and straithforward with giving compliments, unlike most Japanese I talked to who were polite and unsure of themselves. When I looked at his picture, I immediately felt something different about him especially when I looked at his eyes. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I never felt anything like it before. I felt like I knew him. There was a sense of familiarity and comfortabilitily. We started talking on Line, sent audio messages, and even talked on video call for hours. He send messages when he wakes up, goes to work, while working, coming home, and before sleeping. It like was a honeymoon phase of a relationship. I told myself it was too good to be true.

I needed to know more about him so I asked him if he was single. He wasn't. I felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. He was still flirty and acting like there's more to us than acquaintances. But because of that reality check, I kept asking myself where I stand. Sometimes he treats me like a girlfriend all then all of a sudden he acts like a stranger. When the conversation gets hot and he becomes more flirty than normal that's where I remind him that he has a gf and I don't want to be in a third party. He told me they haven't talked for a while and he felt lost. I felt worse. I felt like he was just bored and wants to use me to fill in the void. Since I knew I was falling inlove, I made it clear to him that if he wants to continue talking to me like we are in a relationship, then I want to be only one. There should be no other woman. He couldn't give me an answer. He always dodged the question to the point that I get frustrated and just drop it. Add the language barrier to the mix. During one of our arguments, I kept asking him how he really felt about me and his answer was that he wanted to meet. I did not expect that answer. Even if I agreed to that, I reminded him that he has gf and he just told me they hadn't talked.

When he came back to Japan from one of work trips, that's when things went downhill. He used to give me updates on where he was or what he doings but that time I did tell me he already came back. His messages became short. Sometimes just one word. It's obvious he didn't want to be bothered or he just didn't want to talk to me. There were even sarcastic messages. It was my cue to leave him be.

We stared with talking to each other all day everyday until it became more and more seldom. There were days when he wouldn't talk. Then a sudden message after days of silence. I did not chase him or beg him to talk to me. But I once told him how I sad was that he changed. I was crying a lot. My heart got broken so many times. October 2018 came and after over a month of the honeymoon phase, he finally ghosted me.

Kundalini awakening and rising

I became more and more depressed and desperate for answers. I kept asking the Universe: Why did this happen? What was the point? I closed myself off for years and stopped dating after experiencing traumatic relationships. Right when I finally decided to take a risk, open my heart, and love again, this happened to me? I did not understand the point of it all. Letting another person in and then he just breaks my heart? This was the last chance I gave myself to love and this shit happened. Before I met him, I told myself that if I ever meet someone and fall in love, it will be the last time. I want to me the one. I am tired of being hurt so many times.

I was so confused. I was hurt, angry, and frustrated. Wanting to find the answers, I started watching tarot readings on Youtube. I never believed in Astrology. I was too skeptical for that. But I watched hundreds of readings out of desperation to find the answers. I got mixed result on the readings. There were times that the readings resonated so much that my mind was blown so many times. But there were others that just made me more confused and paranoid. The best takeaway from those readings is that divine timing is at work. I have to trust in the Universe and give them space to work things out. I can't force things to happen. The only thing I can do is set healthy boundaries and don't let anyone treat me like a doormat.

I spent the next few weeks just watching readings, crying at night, and trying to cope with the pain. The readings said that there will be communication and it did happen. By the time happened, I literally said "this shit is real." I was surprised that he messaged me and asked how I was. But after the inital shock, I was overcome by anger and hurt. He wanted communication just when I was starting to gain balance and not think of him that much. I was torn between telling him off and just accept that he is back. I replied 2-3 days later telling him I'm doing good.

The communication started again but I was seldom. He called me on 11/11 but I couldn't answer. He just randomly sends a message after a few days of silence and or calls all of a sudden and then disappear again. So flakey! I got fed up and set my foot down. I asked him why he wants call or talk to me. He said he always wanted to call and enjoys being with me. I called out his BS. I reminded him that he stopped talking to me. He can't just come in and out of life as he pleases. He should stop playing mind games with me. He just said to me "Oh don't say that 😭." I told him I deserve an explanation and tell me why he disappeared. He said he did not disappear. I told him it hurts me that he's not being honest with me. He said he was being honest. See the pattern here? I asked him again what happened and he just answered "I don't remember." That was it. I told him I'm a very patient person (I'm a fucking Taurus okay) but he pushed me too far. I won't ask anymore. It's obvious he didn't wanna answer. I'm done.

I was livid. I'm done dealing with a player and emotionally unvailable jackass. That's the start of our separation. It was 11/12.

I spent the rest of November dealing with rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I'm angry, and them I'm in pain, and then lonely ect. It was a torture. There were times when I went into relapse. I thought I have officially gone insane. I just wanted to die.

The first time I came across the term twin flame was through watching tarot readings. I never heard of the time before even when I met my twin. I wasn't interested in learning more about it at first. All I know was that it was different from soulmates and it was rare. I have never thought of myself as special (just different) so I did not think I needed to know about it. But curiosity got the better of me and finally decided to do some research. Lo and behold, I resonated with most of the signs that were listed. The things that happened to me made more sense now. But that was not enough to convince me.

More and more meditation music started appearing on my youtube suggestions. It was December when I finally decided to try a guided meditation. It's my first entry. I felt the urge to do it more and more often until I came across a meditation to awaken my spirit. Before this entire journey I would never think of trying it but since I have been activated, might as well continue on improving myself. I played the music when looking at the sunset. When I came to opening the third eye, I started seeing particles in mid air. They look specks of light or little transparent bubbles floating around. As weeks went by I seem them clearer. I don't even have to concentrate or be in meditative state to see them. I see another invisible layer in my environment as well. I see rain or drizzle even if it's not really raining. I also see "rain" and particles even indoors now. As long as there is light. I tune up my chakra almost everyday. I don't feel right when I don't meditate in a few days.

10/13/2019 ~ 2:41 PM (this has been saved in my Drafts since Jan/Feb -- I'm not sure anymore)

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army-author · 6 years

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taehyung scenario | x and o

❝ You accidentally send ‘xo’ at the end of a text to your daughter’s teacher, and he seems to get the wrong idea... ❞

➸ prompt: My ex will be at the Christmas party, so you agreed to pose as my fiancé to keep them away.

➸ pairing: teacher taehyung x parent reader

➸ warnings: mentions of alcohol, brief mentions of bereavement

➸ requested by anon | 11.4k words | fluff, teacher au

In the busy whirl that is the life of a single parent you’ve done some pretty stupid things – like running out of the house in your pyjamas to try and get your daughter, Mia, to school on time, or accidentally giving her your lunch of chickpea salad while you went to work with her sandwiches made with teddy-bear shaped ham, or forgetting to check the weather before driving her to school on a snow day, only to realise your mistake and ending up needing to call in sick off work so you could stay home with her.

But out of all the stupid things you’ve done, distracted by the blur of days that are never long enough, this is by far the stupidest. You stare at your phone in horror, gaping down at the ‘xo’ send at the end of the text. That was not meant to be there. How could you absentmindedly tack on kisses and hugs, normally reserved for your mother alone, and accidentally send them to Mr. Kim, your daughter’s young, and unnaturally handsome teacher?

If only you could delete texts… if only you could delete yourself…

‘That would be fine xo’ was certainly not the appropriate response, to ‘Hello. This is Mr. Kim. I got your number from the school office. Sorry for the bother, but would it be possible to reschedule our parent-teacher meeting?’

You bury your head in your hands with a groan, having a mental breakdown as you sit alone in the car, waiting for Mia to come out of her singing lesson. Why do your brain and your fingers hate you, typing out things you don’t intend? You debate sending another text to explain yourself, but then decide that doing so will only make the whole situation more awkward. So instead you leave it, and pray he’ll just think you’re the sort of person that sends ‘x’s and ‘o’s to everyone.

Thankfully, Mia’s coming out of class now, clanging open the car door and clambering in, offering her bubbling conversation as a welcome distraction from your screw up.

“Hello!” she beams, clicking in her seatbelt and chucking her folder of music into the backseat.

“Hello, Mia Mouse, how was it?” you ask, which causes her to puff up her cheeks, and complain:

“You know I don’t like that nickname…”

“Sorry, Mia,” you keep smiling, “I’ll try to remember.”

Mia’s in the middle of a phase, starting when she hit the grown-up age of eight, where she’s decided that she doesn’t want to be cute anymore, and has discarded her old nickname, along with her old clothes, all shades of pink. Now she wears purple and blue, always opting for jeans, although you still sometimes see her staring yearningly at the sparkly section in the kids clothing section, not completely over her ‘girly-girl’ phase, despite her efforts to convince you otherwise.

“So, how was singing, Mia?”

With you now addressing her correctly, Mia goes on to tell you all about her class, how she got through her scales easily, and how her teacher complimented her for her technique. “She even said that if I keep this up I’m bound to get a solo for the school’s Christmas play this year,” she tells you, bouncing up and down in her seat, as you pull out of the singing teacher’s drive and head towards home.

“Wow, that’s amazing, Mia!”

As you drive through the bright lights of town, the accidental ‘xo’ is completely forgotten…

♡♡♡

That is until the day of parent-teacher interviews - then it suddenly hits you again as you sit alone outside Mr. Kim’s room, looking at the displays dripping colour, showing off the scribbly drawings of the children in Mia’s class. You jog your knee up and down as you wait, restless and anxious, realising you’ll have to explain yourself when Mr. Kim calls you inside. Maybe he’s forgotten, or doesn’t even care. A handsome man like him must be used to single parents flirting with him by now. If their lives are anything like yours, parent-teacher meetings may be the only time for flirting. There’s zero time for finding yourself a boyfriend while caring for Mia. You barely have time to care for yourself, you think, with your eyes self-consciously falling to the worn nails of your fingers, well-chewed from the stress of work and child rearing. You wonder how many numbers Mr. Kim gets slipped during these sorts of meetings, how many dates he’s been asked on over his desk. You shake your head to clear yourself of these thoughts and the impure jealousy that rises from them.

What’s it to you if the handsome teacher gets attention from women confident enough to show their affection? You’re happy in your own little bubble, just you and Mia, living contentedly together. Developing a crush is pointless. You try yo convince yourself of this.

The door opens at last, and Mr. Kim’s husky voice reverberates in the hall as he says, “Sorry for the wait. Would you like to come in now?”

You gather up your bag and coat and follow him into his classroom, splashed all over with bright colours, times tables pinned up on one wall, another wall showing off the children’s dabbling in poetry and painting, and in the far corner is the class Christmas tree, covered with decorations handmade by the children.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to reschedule our meeting,” Mr. Kim says, as he sits down at his desk and extends his hand to offer you the space across from him, “I’m sorry if this is inconvenient for you.”

“Uh… no… it’s fine,” you say, trying to keep yourself from staring as you sit down. You’re struck once again by just how handsome Mia’s teacher is. You’d forgotten it from the last parent-teacher meeting, your mind going rusty after all those months. Seeing him again is a shock to the system, battering down the imperfect copy your mind had created. With your lips feeling numb, despite the heaters in the school being switched to max, you press them together to get them working again, and quickly say, “About the text I sent you… the ‘x’ and ‘o’ were an accident. I have a habit of adding them to my messages without thinking… it wasn’t meant to mean anything… just in case you thought I was… flirting or something…” you trail off, disconcerted with Mr. Kim’s eyes boring into you.

He crosses his hands in front of his face, creating a bridge for his chin to rest on as he listens. “Well, yeah, I had expected so much… it would be odd for you to be so forward.”

You blush, and fiddle with your hands in your lap, absentmindedly picking at your ragged nails. He’s not wrong, but it bothers you that he’s able to pick up on your personality so easily from the few parent-teacher meetings you’ve had, already pinning you down as the type to send ‘xo’ by accident, rather than on purpose. Feeling the need to defend yourself, you ask him, “How would you possibly know how forward I can be?”

Mr. Kim raises his eyebrows over his hands. “Because I have to deal with women who actually send me ‘x’s and ‘o’s on purpose, and they do an awful lot more than just that when we meet in person... Did you know that the mother that came in before you spent the entire meeting trying to play footsie with me under the table?”

“No!”

He leans forward. “That’s not all. When I went to shake her hand afterwards, she tried to lean in and do the European-style greeting, you know, with, like, kissing on the cheeks and stuff.” His eyes glitter as your own widen. “So, I figured since you’ve never tried anything like that with me, you probably didn’t mean those ‘x’ and ‘o’s. It was just a guess though.”

“I can’t believe you had to deal with that…” you say, “These meetings aren’t meant for flirting… they’re for our children.”

“Yeah… well…” He leans back in his chair again and shrugs, “Not all parents are as committed to their child’s education as you apparently.” He laughs mirthlessly. “But the flirting has certainly got a lot worse for me since I broke up with my girlfriend.”

This is new information for you. In fact, him having a girlfriend in the first place is news to you. You make a point of not delving too deep into the personal lives of your daughter’s teachers.

“That’s rough,” you nod sympathetically, as Mr. Kim’s eyes droop slightly, probably recalling all the trouble the break-up has caused him.

His hand falls to his mussed brown hair, carding his fingers through it as he sighs, “Yeah. Wish she hadn’t been so vocal about it on Facebook… she probably knew the trouble it would cause me.”

You look down to inspect your nails, an excuse to stop staring at Mr Kim, whose face is like caramel candy for your eyes. All calories.

He lets out a brisk laugh, more of a bark, saying, “Guess that’s what I get for dating a teacher! Let me give you a piece of advice, never date a co-worker. Not only do you have to see them every weekday, but they also know all the worst parts of your job and know how to make them even worse!”

Somehow this parent-teacher meeting has evolved into a therapy session for Mr. Kim, who seems unbothered or unaware that he’s unloading all of his problems onto you. You wonder if you should direct the conversation back to Mia or leave him free to ramble. It’s late in the evening, and he’s probably flagging after having to deal with so many other parents, some of which don’t seem to know what personal boundaries are, so you decide you should cut him some slack if the meeting is a little disorganised. You hum softly, to show your understanding and let him continue:

“And what’s worse, whenever your boss organises any kind of meet-up, you end up having to see your ex outside of working hours as well. Like at Christmas parties. Christmas parties! They’re the worst when you’ve had a break-up, did you know that? She’s going to ruin it for me… and Christmas parties used to be my favourite thing as well…” His lips press together, as he licks them, considering all his problems. Then he gives himself a shake and says, “Anyway, Mia!”

At last the meeting gets back on track. But you can’t get rid of the feeling that Mr. Kim still has more to say on the subject of exes, that the meeting took too sharp a turn back on course, and that something is expected of you after his tangent. You get the sense that he wants to ask you something, but you can’t decide what it is. With this question clouding your mind, you try to listen as he explains how Mia’s grades are going, not telling you anything you don’t already know – Mia is doing well with music and art, but won’t show any interest for maths. You bite your lip, wishing you were better at maths so you could help her with that.

When that the meeting starts wrapping up, painless, no problems, Mr. Kim tells you, “Mia seems happy, she gets on well with the class, and she’s a delight to teach.” Your cheeks glow with pleasure and pride, hearing him praising your daughter.

As he collects his papers together, tapping them against the desk to straighten them, you grab your bag and coat, standing up ready to leave, before he halts what he’s doing, and says, “Actually… could I ask you something?”

You pause, the niggling question you had wedged in your head popping up again. “What’s that?”

He licks his lips, pink tongue poking out for a split second before he says, “Well… since you seem like a sensible person, with a good head on your shoulders… what do you suggest I do for the Christmas party?”

Your mouth freezes again, stuck slightly parted as you stare at him, caught, like a deer in headlights.

He smiles at you, only one side of his lips rising up.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because,” the other side of his mouth finally rises up into a symmetrical grin, showing off straight teeth that make you understand why the mother he met before you had tried playing footsie under the desk. “You and I are friends now.”

“Friends?” you repeat.

“You sent me ‘x’ and ‘o’s at the end of your texts, and I decided to keep your slip up a secret, instead of laughing about it with my colleagues in the staff room. That makes us friends.”

“What? So doing the decent thing and keeping your mouth shut somehow… makes us friends?”

He shrugs, “It’s enough for children to consider each other friends. Sometimes I think adults should try to live as simply as kids do. Life would be a lot easier that way.”

Not entirely sure how much you agree, you still admit that the idea is nice, but not nice enough to pull down your sceptical brows.

“Listen, how about I tell you a secret, and then we’ll be even?” Mr. Kim grins, sticking his hands in his pockets. For a split second he reminds you of the young children he teaches, looking like a school boy ready to break a few rules, rather than a grown man, responsible for the education of twenty children. Before you can tell him that you don’t need to hear it, he leans forward a little, and says, “I left our class hamster food next to my ex’s lunchbox last week so that it got covered in seeds and hamster litter, and then I blamed it on the children.”

“That’s incredibly petty,” you say.

He just winks. “Don’t tell anyone.”

You shake your head, fighting off a smile that seems inappropriate. “Well, if that’s the way you play, then for the Christmas party: I say you make your ex suffer. Especially after all the trouble she’s caused you with flirty parents…”

His eyes light up, and he begins rubbing his hands together, “See, I knew you were the perfect person to ask! What would you suggest?”

Caught up in his schoolboy glee, you can’t help but go along, letting your own mind run wild with childish vice. “The Christmas party would be the perfect time to show her how well you’re getting on without her.”

“Like… I’m earning more money and living in the lap of luxury without her?” he asks, brows furrowing with confusion. Despite the evil glint in his eye, he’s sweetly innocent when it comes to making trouble for his ex.

“No, no,” you shake your head firmly, “I’m talking about getting on well romantically! Go to the party with a new girlfriend, or better yet, a fiancé, and show your ex that you don’t need her… and if it gets out that you’re with someone new, then maybe your problems with overly… interested… parents will go away as well.”

“But I don’t have a fiancé...”

“I'm not suggesting you actually get one. Just pretend. To get your ex off your back.”

He stares at you, mouth hanging open. You worry you’ve frayed a wire in his brain with your your plan. But then he’s leaping from his chair and rushing around the desk to grab your hands in his own, bowing his head to you, “You’re god level when it comes to this!” he gasps, eyes rising up to meet yours again, “I’m not worthy. Thank you, thank you!”

You can’t help but laugh at his genuineness, releasing yourself from his hands with a shy shrug, “Well… I do what I can…”

“Will you be my fiancé then?”

You stop, shock crashing into you, leaving you speechless and breathless. You swallow, and finding your tongue once more, manage to stutter, “I didn’t mean with me. I – it was just a suggestion. I wasn’t-”

“Please?” He clasps his hands together, “I thought we agreed we’re friends, and a friend would do this for another friend.”

“No. You agreed that we’re friends,” you remind him, “I had no say in it.”

“You were the one who sent me ‘xo’ on your text.”

“By accident.”

He closes his eyes, “Please. Help me out here. You can’t suggest such a good plan, and then leave me hanging with no one to carry it out with!”

You consider carefully, then tilt you head to the side. “Fine.”

His eyes light up.

“But on one condition.”

His eyes go dim again.

“If I agree to this, then you have to get Mia a part in the Christmas play this year. She’s been working hard on her music, and she really wants to be in it.” You’re not doing this if there’s nothing in it for you... besides a handsome fake fiancé for an evening that is.

Mr. Kim stares at you for a few seconds. You can see the cogs working in his mind. Finally, he nods his head. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do!” The he sticks his hand out to you. “Do we have a deal?”

You should know better, but, somehow, you find your hand in his and the fate for your Christmas holidays is sealed. “We have a deal, Mr. Kim.”

“Please, it’s Taehyung. We’re friends now.”

♡♡♡

As Christmas draws closer, your anxieties grow worse, and with Mia running to the car after school to you to tell you that she got the solo part for the Christmas play, you can only smile, while secretly dreading what you promised in payment. Seeing her face lit up with joy reminds you why you asked for it to begin with, and you know you need to bear the burden of it. Seeing her happy is all you want, and if one night of feigned romance is all it takes, then you’ll do it gladly.

“Well done, Mia Mouse,” you say, “You deserve it!” And although you know that she does, there’s a small seed of guilt rooted in your heart, reminding you of the cost of her happiness.

She doesn’t even seem to notice the unwanted nickname as you start up the engine and pull out of the school car park, casually adding, “Mr. Kim was asking about you by the way.”

You choke on a yelp of surprise, supressing it, since you don’t want your daughter to get suspicious. “Oh, really… did he?”

“Yeah,” Mia grins across from her seat, “He asked me how you were, and then he told me to tell you that he said hi. Wasn’t that nice of him?”

“I suppose it was,” you say, trying your best to concentrate on the road, while your mind is racing elsewhere.

“I really like Mr. Kim,” Mia decides, as she stretches her feet up onto the glove box.

“Feet down, Mouse,” you remind, and she kick her legs back again with a sigh, before continuing:

“All my friends say Mr. Kim’s very handsome. Do you think he’s handsome?”

Suddenly it feels as if the Spanish Inquisition has begun in your car.

“Well… I suppose… he is classically handsome…” you answer, “He looks like he could be an actor, or a model.”

“But do you think he’s handsome?”

You just shoot her a quizzical look. “Why all the questions?”

Mia shrugs her shoulders, turning to look out the passenger window, “I don’t know…. Just… don’t you think it’s time you got a boyfriend?”

“Mia!” You almost swerve off he road in your surprise, but quickly correct your steering, while you try to adjust your voice to a volume more appropriate inside the car, “What’s brought this on all of a sudden?”

“Well… it’s just… all my other friends’ parents are married, or they have boyfriends or girlfriends. I was just thinking… since everyone’s parents will be going to see the Christmas play…” she trails off, leaving your mind reeling. All her life you’ve tried to keep her happy, straining to fulfil the roles of two parents at once, and sacrificing your own time and happiness for it. But you know there are some things you just can’t do, things that a father could. It has crossed your mind multiple times that you shouldn’t stay single, even if you only want a boyfriend for her sake, but there’s never been time, you’ve never had the energy, and she never seemed to be bothered by it. Until now. Maybe she’s only just starting to realise that something’s missing.

After a long silence, only the road rumbling below you for accompaniment, she asks, “Do you still miss dad?”

“Of course. Every day. But I believe he’s somewhere better now, watching over us.”

She smiles to herself. “I like to think that as well. Even if I don’t remember him. Do you think he’s proud of me for getting the solo?”

“Absolutely,” you tell her.

With that, the subject of boyfriends is dropped, but that doesn’t stop your singleness from burning in your mind for the rest of the day.

♡♡♡

As you sit in your room that evening, with Mia tucked up in bed, (although you know that she’s still up from the light peeking out under her door), you stare at your phone, scrolling through the lists of dating sites on offer. There’s bound to be one out there specifically made for single parents. The bright light burns into your retinas as you search, the itching reminding you that you should sleep.

You drop your phone onto the bed. It was a silly idea in the first place. As if online dating will fix everything.

But then you remember Mia in the car, wishing she could have a father to watch her in the school play, and you pick up your phone again, clicking on one of the more promising sites. You’re almost ready to sign in, finger hovering over the screen, until a text flashes up, blocking your finger with the words, ‘Mr. Kim Taehyung’. You pause, wondering why he’s texting… and at this hour…

You tap on his message to open it up, and read:

‘Well, Mia’s in the school play, so I suppose I should propose to you now. I’m looking forward to seeing my new fiancé at the Christmas party ;) The dress code is ‘smart casual’ by the way xoxo’

Despite knowing it’s all a joke, you find yourself smiling fondly at your phone screen. He’s not planning on letting you forget the ‘x’ and ‘o’s any time soon.

You reply back:

‘Wow. What a romantic proposal… not... I’ll see you there xoxo’ just to continue the joke, and then set your phone down and turn over in bed, the idea of dating sites dropped for now.

After all, signing up for that would be cheating on your fake fiancé. You can worry about finding a boyfriend once all this is over. You convince yourself that’s the reason for leaving the dating sites alone, but you know there’s more there, lurking below the surface, stemming from Taehyung’s interest in you. It would be foolish to assume his jokingly flirty texts mean anything – he’s unaware of his affect ninety percent of the time. But he’s not completely clueless, and you wonder if he knows what he’s doing with you.

You curl your toes under the duvet, and fall asleep with a grin on your face.

♡♡♡

The school looks different at night. This is the first thought to strike you as you park in the driveway, ready for your evening serving as Taehyung’s fake fiancé. Well, as ready as you can possibly be with a storm of butterflies in your belly.

You left Mia happy at home with the babysitter, who she insists she’s old enough to not need, although you know better. Now, you have nothing to worry about, except whether or not you’ll make a fool of yourself in front of Taehyung. The chances are highly probable, but you still find yourself smiling as you hop out into the freezing air, wishing you’d brought a coat to compliment your sweater dress and uncomfortable high heels. With your arms crossed around you to hold in as much heat as possible, you run to the school, using the side door that Taehyung promised to leave unlocked for you. You head to his classroom, where he’s still crouched over his desk, marking papers. He seems completely absorbed in his work, not even getting up to switch on the light, he sits in the dark, squinting at his work.

You rap lightly on his door, and he looks up, wide-eyed, like he forgot he invited you over to his room before the party started.

“Hi,” you hold up your hand awkwardly, not sure if you’re interrupting him from the flow of work.

A smile breaks across his face when he sees you, and he quickly jumps up from his desk.

“Hello,” he purrs in that deep voice of his, “I’m glad you didn’t bail on me at the last minute.” He almost goes for a hug, but then decides against it at the last moment, and instead offers you a quick pat on the shoulder, as he surveys your outfit. “You look good!”

“What about you?” you take in his well-fitting trousers, red tie, and white shirt, tucked in to accentuate his slim figure, “You look amazing!” you can’t help but gush. Amazing is an understatement. He really does look like a model. “You said it was smart casual,” you complain, “There’s nothing casual about this!”

He looks down at his outfit. “You don’t think it’s okay?”

“Well, no, it’s fine,” you tell him, “But I’ll feel underdressed standing next to you all evening.”

“What?” He pouts his lips, “But you look so pretty. You’ll be fine.”

He might say that, but you still feel embarrassed about your simple dress, and black tights, with no jewellery to set it off. Self-consciously, you wring your hands together.

“Oh, before I forget!” Taehyung dashes back to his desk and hunts about in the drawer by his seat, pulling out a small box, “I got this to make our story convincing.”

He opens the box and pulls out a shining ring, with a diamond sparkling at the centre. “Give me your hand.” His voice is low in the darkened room, pulsing through you like a tremor in the earth below your feet. Body responding to him before your brain does, you hold out your hand, and he takes it in his own, slender fingers wrapping around yours as he pulls you a step closer, and carefully slides the ring on. With his hand still supporting yours, you admire the shine of the diamond on your finger.

“Where did you get this?” you ask, staring in awe, “I hope you didn’t go out and buy this just for me.” It’s meant as a joke, but then you remember his recent break-up and the thought shoots through you, violently, like a bullet, that maybe this was intended for his ex.

He quickly dispels your worries, with: “It was my grandma’s.”

“Your grandma’s?” You gape at him, “Are you sure it’s okay if I wear it?”

He grins, “It’s fine. It’s what she would have wanted.”

“For you to use it to get revenge on your ex?” You raise your eyebrow at him, and he offers a wide grin in return:

“She had a good sense of humour.”

Still unsure, but happy that he deems you worthy of his grandma’s heirloom, if only for one night, you remember: “We should probably come up with a good story before we go out.”

“Oh right!” he frowns, “How should we say we met?”

You fall silent, thinking, before you decide, “Maybe we shouldn’t stray too far from the truth. We can say that we met at a parent-teacher meeting.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung nods, “And then I was interested in you, so I asked if we could grab coffee together sometime… but you played hard to get…”

“Until I thought about Mia and how she would need a good male figure in her life,” you say, blushing at how close it is to the truth.

Taehyung hangs for a breath, considering what you’ve said, “And when you saw how good I was with children, and how well I got on with Mia, you decided I was the one.”

“And the rest is history.”

You stare at each other in the half-light, Taehyung’s pupils dilated without the sun. For a second you almost let yourself get swept up in your made-up romance, tantalisingly close to reality. It could almost be true, but it’s just out of your reach.

“I like that story. Let’s go with that,” Taehyung nods, breaking the spell, as he goes to grab his blazer from the hanger by the door. His designer clothes look odd hanging off one of the pegs designed for children’s coats. He puts it on, and then gives a spin for you, “Do I look okay?”

You beckon him over, and when he reaches you, you stretch out your hand and hook your finger through his tie, loosening it slightly before you pull out the top button. “There, now you look a bit more casual.”

He chuckles, a deep sound at the back of his throat. “You know I have to tell off my students when they don’t have their school ties neat, so this feels a bit hypocritical.”

You shrug with a smile, “What your students don’t know won’t hurt them. It can be another secret we share.”

His smile widens, lips parting. “Alright.” He reaches out his hand to you, and you take hold of it. With one shake, he promises, “Partners in crime.”

“Partners in crime.”

As you leave the room, you keep your hand in his, lacing your fingers together – just as practice for later, when you’ll have to convince his ex that you’re in love.

♡♡♡

The school Christmas party is being held at the bar and restaurant in the next street over from the school, but a few of the teachers are meeting up outside the front doors to walk down together. As you approach the crowd, you feel your stomach dipping, and grab Taehyung’s hand a little tighter. “Is she there?” you whisper, to which Taehyung answers:

“No. No sign of Inna yet. I’ll warn you when she shows up.”

Two men spot Taehyung and come over, smiling. You fix on a smile, despite the worry pricking your skin.

“Well, Taehyung, who’s this?” The taller one asks, “We didn’t know you were seeing someone.”

You freeze under their curious gazes, but Taehyung, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, announces, “This is my fiancé.”

The two men’s faces go slack in surprise, while Taehyung, seemingly oblivious of their reaction, explains to you, “These are my friends, Namjoon and Seokjin. We’re the three Mr. Kims of the school, and we ended up getting to know each other when all of our photocopying would get sent to the wrong Mr. Kim.”

You chuckle as he tells you the story, but can’t remain completely ignore the shocked stares you’re receiving from the other two Mr. Kims.

“Taehyung?” the taller one, introduced as Namjoon, exclaims, “You’re engaged?”

Taehyung turns back to them with an innocent smile, eyes devoid of anything worthy of suspicion, “Yeah!”

“And you didn’t tell us?”

Taehyung scratches at the nape of his neck, “Well… after what happened with Inna I didn’t want to go around announcing my latest adventures in love… but things are going really well, obviously,” he holds up the hand that holds yours, showing the shining ring on your finger, “So, I guess this is our announcement.”

Seokjin and Namjoon just stare at him blankly. “No way,” Namjoon says, “There’s no way.”

With a husky giggle, Taehyung raises his hands up in defeat. “Okay… you got us… actually, keep this between us four, but we’re just pretending to be engaged to keep Inna off my back…”

Namjoon frowns, dimples pressing into his cheeks as his lips thin into a line. Seokjin on the other hand, seems excited by the idea, giving Taehyung’s arm a light push. “Mr. Kim number three! That’s sneaky!”

You incline your head towards Taehyung, raising your eyebrows in a question. “Is it okay that they know?” you ask.

“You can trust these two,” he says, “They won’t tell anyone.”

After all you had shared with Taehyung, you feel oddly let down that he had so easily revealed your plan to these tow men. Betrayal might have been an over-exaggerated reaction, but there’s no other word to describe the nibbling in your chest.

As the group starts moving towards the restaurant, ready to meet the other teachers who are already there, your feet drag and Taehyung ends up pulling on your arm a little to keep up with his co-workers. His head turns back as he walks, face lit up with the blues of the Christmas lights. “You okay?” he asks, “Too cold? Do your feet hurt in those shoes?”

You shake your head. “No, I’m fine.” But already he’s moving back, shrugging off his blazer for you, and offering you his elbow to relieve some of the weight off your high-heeled shoes. With him fussing over you it’s hard to stay upset, even if you do feel some childish disappointment stirring in your gut because your secret doesn’t belong to just you and him.

You barely have the right to be upset in the first place; you can’t explain why you feel upset about it, let alone try to relate it to him.

With Taehyung helping you along, the scent of his cologne leaking into your head from his blazer, you walk in silence behind the rest of the group.

“So, how’s Mia,” Taehyung asks, making conversation as you try to keep balanced on your heels.

“She’s good,” you say, face softening into a smile when you think of her, “I left her with a babysitter, which she was a little upset about. She’s at that stage now where she thinks she’s old enough to stay home by herself… maybe that’s me being too protective.”

Taehyung shakes his head, a laugh rumbling through him, “No, a babysitter’s probably for the best, although the name ‘babysitter’ isn’t so good. Kids don’t like to be called ‘babies’ and they certainly don’t like to be ‘sat’ on.”

The joke is stupid enough to make you crack a grin. “Yeah… with Mia there certainly won’t be any sitting happening anyway. The sitter will be on her toes all night!”

“Mia’s great,” Taehyung rumbles, “Always so cheery when she’s in class. And so full of energy.”

Your chest swells with pride when you hear this.

“And so talented too,” Taehyung continues, “Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this now, since you might feel a bit cheated, but she actually got the choir solo without any of my input… so I guess I didn’t even uphold my end of the bargain.”

“That’s my girl!” you smile, so overcome with pride that you can’t get angry at Taehyung’s deception.

On a high from your daughter’s accomplishment, you finally arrive at the restaurant, and all your good feelings come crashing down, to leave cold fear. Your hand grips at the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt as the other teachers who were waiting at the restaurant wave you inside, babbling over who should sit where and how nice everyone looks.

“Which one’s the ex?” you ask, tugging on Taehyung’s sleeve to keep his attention amidst the buzz of noise.

Taehyung nods in the direction of a woman sitting at the far side of the table, conversing with some friends. “That’s her,” his voice sounds distant, something you’ve never heard in his tone before, “That’s Inna.”

You sneak a glance at her, as casual as possible, and feel your insides wring themselves out. She’s absolutely stunning, dyed blonde hair hanging in waves around her slim face, strong make-up making her look like she just stepped out of a beauty magazine. She really does seem perfect for the model-like man by your side. You’re struck by your own ordinariness compared to her, and despite not even being in a real relationship with Taehyung, you feel your confidence departing you in tatters.

She glances over, sensing your looking her way, and her false-eyelash eyes narrow when she spots your arm through Taehyung’s. She mutters something to her friends, and then stands up, giving you a display of her tight-fitting back dress, sparkling down to the middle of her thigh, showing off well shaped legs, accentuated with tall heels. She walks over, a lot more confident in her stilettoes than you are in your own small heeled shoes.

“Taehyung,” she coos, and his eyes widen at her tone. You’re not sure if he’s surprised to see her talking to him, or if he’s struck by the dress that leaves little to the imagination, but you see him lick his lips nervously, before he responds:

“Inna. It’s been a while.”

She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, which stay glued to the ring on your finger. “Yes, well… I figured since it’s Christmas I’d try to be nice. You know… season of good will and all that.”

Taehyung winces a half-smile. “That’s good of you.”

She giggles, high-pitched and breathy. It’s the kind of laugh you used when you were in high school, trying to make boys look your way. “And who is this, Taehyung?” she finally looks to your face, acknowledging your existence as more than an arm attached to her ex. Her brown eyes sparkle bright as she sweeps you up and down. Embarrassed, you drop your gaze to the floor – the room suddenly swims with heat and the smell of wine.

“This is my fiancé,” Taehyung explains.

“Fiancé?” Inna’s voice rises above the murmuring of her colleagues, turning to you with her mouth hanging open in exaggerated surprise, although you can see something else, much more sinister burning below the surface, “Wow. So soon?” Her smile is scarier than the most furious of glares, and you feel as if she’s stabbed you in the face with her bitter-cocoa eyes.

“Yep,” Taehyung pops the ‘p’ in his response, souning oddly terse compared to his normal tone. This whole thing is getting more and more awkward by the second, and it suddenly strikes you how bad this idea is.

Taehyung continues, “When the right one comes along, you just know, don’t you, baby?” He nuzzles his nose into your neck, skin cold against you, and you bite down on your surprise, smiling through your shock.

“That’s right.”

“I’m so lucky,” Taehyung breathes against your skin, and even though you know it’s a show for Inna, you can’t stop your heart from missing a beat. Maybe he’s spooning in on a little too thick now.

You see Inna’s lips pucker in a scowl, before she softens out her pretty face again and smiles, “Well, isn’t that just great!”

There’s an awkward silence, and then she continues, “Well, anyway... my boyfriend’s taking me on a trip to France next month.”

Jealousy is already rippling out from her, and you’re not a minute into conversation. You swallow, not sure if you should laugh, or bolt away before she rips your face off - those unsmiling eyes in her smiling face promise your pain.

As Taehyung stiffly mutters about how nice France will be, and how she should take advantage of all the good food while she’s over there, you feel a hand slide around your shoulder, and Namjoon and Seokjin appear at your other side, saying, “Taehyung, we’re just going to steal your fiancé away for a split second.” Before you or Taehyung can protest, they drag you out of his hold, and towards the other group.

With the air clearing the further you get from Inna, you breathe a sigh of relief.

“We thought you needed some help,” Namjoon says, “Inna looks about ready to claw that ring off your finger.”

“Will Taehyung be okay?” you worry, glancing behind to see him standing poker-straight, feigning interest while Inna talks.

Seokjin nods his head. “We’ll give them a second alone to sort themselves out, and then we should probably keep them away from each other for the rest of the evening.”

You can’t keep your gaze from straying back to Taehyung as his friends lead you around the group, politely introducing you to the other teachers. Your stomach squirms uncomfortably seeing Taehyung talking with his ex, and you wonder what’s wrong with you. You can’t be worried about him being with his old lover when you don’t even count as a new lover. Still, you can’t relax until he manages to detangle himself from the knots of Inna’s conversation, and escapes back to your side.

“You okay?” you ask him, as he slots his hand back into yours.

“Yeah. She just kept on talking about how nice her boyfriend is, and how much money he’s spending on her…” you see Taehyung’s jaw tensing as he talks, and rub your thumb up and down the back of his hand, soothing.

“Do you think she’s jealous?”

“Jealous?” Taehyung looks at you, “What do you mean?”

You raise your shoulders in a small shrug. “What I mean is… in her mind you’ve left her and got on with your life. You’ve got it all settled. She’s trying to prove that she’s got everything she could want, that she’s just as happy as you…” You let out a sigh through your nose, “Sorry… I came up with this idea just to keep her off your back, but maybe it made the whole situation worse.” But even as you explain this, another possibility is burning bright in your head: that Inna isn’t jealous of Taehyung for getting his life sorted out, but she’s jealous of you, realising what a great guy she got rid of.

As her eyes burn through you from the other side of the room, you become more convinced of this possibility, and a curiosity niggles at you. How exactly did Taehyung and Inna part ways… and is there a possibility of them getting back together? You glance up at Taehyung, who’s refusing to look back at his ex, and swallow before asking, “Sorry if this is too personal, but how exactly did you break up with her?”

Taehyung’s sides heave in a deep sigh. “It’s… not too personal. But it is a complicated story and I was never good with words-”

Before he can even start, the man you recognise as the headmaster is tapping his wine glass with a spoon, and saying: “Dinner will be served soon, and before we all take our seats, I’d just like to say a few quick words.”

“Ha!” Taehyung mutters under his breath, “When he says quick words what he really means is a ten page pre-made speech.”

You can’t help but giggle at this, and quickly disguise it as a cough, while the other teachers fall silent, listening.

By the time the headmaster is done thanking everyone, your feet are aching in your shoes, and it’s a relief to sit down at the table next to Taehyung. For a second, as Inna passes your spot, you worry that she’ll sit down next to you and make the whole evening awkward, but instead Namjoon and Seokjin quickly slot themselves into the seats around you, and Inna ends up at the other end of the table, out of sight and out of mind.

The rest of the dinner passes by in a blur of lulling conversation, and a few glasses of wine to make the meals melt together in a swirling of jokes and laughter. It’s pleasant, sitting by Taehyung’s side, with him smiling and laying his hand on top of yours on the table when the occasion calls for it. You had forgotten what it was like to go out without Mia, but this is a pleasant reminder.

Before you know it, your dessert plates are being taken from you, and a few teachers are waving goodbye, while another group talk about going upstairs to the bar for a couple more drinks.

You’re aware that you should get home to Mia, but Taehyung’s colleagues are pulling him back, saying, “Come on, Taehyung. It’s not like you to go home early.”

He pauses, stuck between the hold of his friends and your own hand wound in his. He looks back to you, clearly torn, and you know how bad it will look if you separate now.

For a second you worry he’ll give in to his friends, but then he shakes his head, stepping towards you. “Sorry, but my fiancé needs to get home soon. We’ve left Mia with a babysitter, but I’m sure she’ll want us home soon.”

Your heart swells with gratitude, thankful that he explained it for you, not leaving you to flounder among his friends that you barely know.

But his co-workers are unconvinced, cajoling him – “Just one more drink. Don’t tell us that getting engaged has made you boring!”

Inna choses this exact moment to insert herself into the conversation, saying, “I never thought you’d be the type to go for someone with kids, Taehyung.” Her voice is icy, and you don’t know if the frost is directed at you or at Taehyung, but it makes you shiver, despite the heat in the room.

Taehyung gapes at her, clearly lost as to what he should do, searching his brain for what to say. In your hand, you can feel his fingers damp. “Well… Inna… like I said, when you meet the one, you just know, you know? And I love Mia as well. I really do. She’s a part of the family…”

Inna sniffs, and then shoots you a look you can’t quite fathom. With the exchange clearly finished, Taehyung’s friends butt in once more, and with one firm tug on his arm, pull him towards the bar, saying,“Mia can wait. You don’t mind, right?” Not wanting to cause a scene, you bend:

“One more drink’s fine.”

And so, you find yourself being pulled up the stairs to the blaring music of the bar, and the burning bright lights of the small dancefloor set up at its side.

“Sorry you got dragged into this,” Seokjin murmurs to you, as the group detaches you from Taehyung, herding him towards the bar to order drinks, and with Taehyung turning back to give you a guilty grin, you press your lips together in a line, and turn your attention to the other Mr. Kim.

“It really is okay. Mia can handle herself,” you tell Seokjin. You know it’s true, but you still feel bad. It’s already approaching eleven o’clock and you said you’d be back at half ten.

“I don’t know if you’ve realised,” Seokjin says, “But Taehyung’s pretty popular at our school. He’s sort of known as the mood maker among our co-workers, and we all joke that a party can’t be a party without him. That’s why it’s important he stays… even if it’s only for a little while.”

“Really?” you watch as Taehyung frowns over the bar menu, and then gives his order to the bartender, adam’s apple moving as he shouts to be heard over the music.

“You’ll see what I mean,” Seokjin offers you a wink, and then moves over to talk with Namjoon, while you slide back to Taehyung’s side again.

“This is okay, right?” he asks, as his rum is slid over to him, “You’re not just saying it’s fine when it’s really not fine?”

You nod. “I said I’d be home by half ten, but Mia’s pretty independent, so she won’t be worried… I just hope the babysitter has the sense to put her to bed soon. She’ll be grumpy tomorrow if she doesn’t get to bed early…”

Taehyung chuckles at this, “Yes, I’ve seen her grumpy in class. She’s certainly a force to be reckoned with.” He takes his rum in one gulp, and then sucks in a breath through his teeth with the alcoholic burn. “We’ll leave after a few songs, okay?”

You nod as he slips from your hand, shrugging off his blazer and handing it to you. With a smile your way, eyes bright, he heads for the dancefloor, loosening his tie. He means serious business when it comes to partying, and you can’t help but smile after him, while the other teachers begin cheering as he steps onto the dancefloor.

As the next song starts up, you’re not entirely sure what you’re expecting. With Taehyung this could go either way - he could take dancing completely seriously, or he could make a whole joke out of it. It turns out that it’s a mixture of the two. He begins striking strong poses, with legs and limbs twisting, all in time with the music, and all completely over exaggerated, while still looking like they could be the ending poses of a fashion runway. You end up laughing along with the other teachers, and every so often, he’ll shoot a glace to where you stand at the edge of the floor, gauging your reaction, and obviously happy when he sees you grinning at him.

As you wait on the edge of the group, you sense someone sidling up beside you, and turn to see Inna by your side.

“Hi,” she offers you a smile, and you return it, as polite as possible.

“Hello.”

“Um… listen…” she curls a strand of bleached blonde hair around her finger, “Can I talk to you… somewhere a bit quieter?”

Your stomach twists, worrying what she could have planned for you. You’d rather not agree, but you don’t want to be rude, so you shrug, “Sure.”

She heads back towards the stairs leading down to the quieter foyer of the restaurant, and you have no choice but to follow behind, but not without shooting a glance back to the dancefloor, desperate for help. Taehyung pops into your vision for a split second in between all the other bodies, and his brows raise quizzically at you, while you give him a look that translates roughly to: “I have no idea what she wants with me, but I’m scared”.

On the ground floor again, Inna turns to you, and you cross your arms defensively, asking, “What do you want?”

She sighs, running a hand through her hair, before she says, “Listen, I know I might have come across as a little bit… cold tonight, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. I was just... um... surprised that Taehyung’s already thinking about marriage! And to someone who already has a child as well!”

“What’s wrong with having a child?” you ask, ready to shield yourself from whatever judgement she might throw.

“Well… you know,” she raises her eyebrows as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “It’s just extra baggage. And I didn’t think Taehyung was… mature enough to handle that.”

Irritation stirs inside you, “Actually, Taehyung’s amazing with children. You should know that yourself, seeing him in school everyday.”

She snickers, “Yeah. Only because he’s a child himself!” She raises her hand to her mouth, and clears her throat before continuing, “Ah. Maybe I’m coming off as rude again. I really don’t mean it.”

You’re believing it less and less every time she says it.

“Seeing Taehyung acting so mature now, I thought maybe I should start acting a little more my age myself,” she goes on, “And since I’m an adult, I’d like to tell you that I don’t have any bitterness towards you, even if you are with my ex. I can move past that. And I think it would be nice if we became friends.” She smiles sweetly at this, extending her hand to you.

She seems to have the same ways of securing friendships as Taehyung, settling it over a handshake. But this feels different from when you agreed to help Taehyung. Something in her smile warns you that there’s more to her than her sugar-coated words, and you keep both hands firmly by her side, refusing her offer.

She scowls as you remain motionless.

“Sorry,” you say, “I think… it would be best if we just kept to ourselves. You’ve broken up with Taehyung for your own reasons, and I think you should try to stay out of each other’s lives now.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” she snaps, acerbic as she jerks her hand back to her side, placing it on her hip, “Whatever. If you’re worried about me, then don’t be. I don’t want him back. You’re welcome to him.” And with that she storms off.

Seeing her terse reply is enough evidence that you did the right thing. From her track record of passive aggression, and her complaining about Taehyung all over social media, you already know she only wanted to use you as yet another way to get back at her ex, as if she hadn’t made his life miserable enough. She can’t seem to let go of her anger. You feel a little sorry for her, and for her new boyfriend. Only a little.

Returning upstairs, you decide it’s about time you went back home. Taehyung’s still busy on the dancefloor. As he spots you in the crowd, he waves you over and you read his lips moving, trying to shout over the loud music, “Come dance!”

“We need to go now,” you try to tell him, and he frowns at you, obviously not hearing you over the thrumming beat. You try again, raising your voice, but he still looks totally lost, instead just shouting, “Come on!” and you let him pull you onto the floor, holding your hand as he continues to make a spectacle of himself in front of his co-workers. You bow your head, hiding your face in his shoulder to escape the embarrassment as he keeps moving. But as you nestle closer to him, his movements becoming smaller so he doesn’t end up hitting you with one of his wild limbs, and the other teachers begin cooing over how cute the new couple is, and now you’re embarrassed for a completely different reason.

As the last chords play out, you take the small gap of silence before the next song to say, “We really should go, Taehyung.”

He nods in agreements, and you sigh in relief, seeing the end of the night finally in sight. With Taehyung making his rounds through the group, saying goodbye and shaking hands, you finally feel your body relax.

At the door, you hold out his blazer to him again, but he shakes his head. “It’s cold outside, keep it.”

And with that, you open the doors to the frozen December air and step out, waving final goodbyes as the door swings shut on the noise of the restaurant. With your breath billowing in clouds, Taehyung offers you his arm to help you walk back to the school again, where your car waits with heated seats and a short drive back home.

“Thank you for this evening,” Taehyung says, as you walk down the street, now quiet with everyone either busy partying, or wrapped up at home. Each step is becoming more painful for you, so unused to your high heels.

“It’s no problem,” you say, forcing yourself to smile, even as your face fights to wince instead.

“I really appreciate it,” Taehyung goes on, “I’m not good with words, but… I guess, if you were one of my students I’d give you one hundred gold star stickers. You did an amazing job being my fiancé.”

You can’t help but chuckle at his explanation, but then end up wincing again, and stop in your tracks.

“Hey, is it okay if I take off my shoes? These heels are killing me.”

“In this cold?” Taehyung asks, while you bend down to undo the buckles, and step out of the prison of straps. Even on the frozen concrete, feeling your soles flat again is deliciously soothing.

“It’s okay,” you say, wiggling your toes in your tights, “It’s not too cold.” You say this with another clouded breath misting from your mouth to completely debunk your argument.

Before you can say anything else, Taehyung kneels down in front of you, offering his back. “Get on, I’ll carry you the rest of the way.”

“I’m fine Taehyung,” you say, picking up your high heels and stepping around him, “My car’s only a street away.”

“Exactly, it’s only a street away and I can carry you no problem.” Without any more warning than that, you feel his arms wrapping around his waist and the world tips upside down as he heaves you into a fireman’s hold.

“Taehyung!” you hit at his back, trying to argue through your laughter, “Put me down. I can walk.”

“Sorry,” he hums, “But if you won’t accept a piggyback from me, then this is the only way I’m letting you travel back to your car.”

“Okay fine!” you admit defeat, “I’ll take a piggyback! But not this. Please.”

Satisfied, he sets you down again, and you skirt around to clamber onto his back, arms locking around his shoulders. With a gentle “hup” he lifts you up, hands firm on your legs, as he holds you up and continues walking towards the school.

You go on in silence for a short distance, only hearing your heartbeat thundering in your head, and Taehyung’s gentle breath as he walks.

At last, he cracks the quiet, asking, “What did Inna want with you?”

“Oh…” you’re taken aback by his question, but continue, “She wanted to apologise for her behaviour… said something about wanting to be more mature… but I don’t think she really meant it.”

Taehyung laughs at this. “Good. I was worried she might say something nasty. I was going to go down and get you myself, but the other teachers kept holding me back, and… well, you handled it yourself anyways, so I guess you didn’t need a knight on shining armour after all.”

You rest your chin against his shoulder. “You never did explain why you broke up.”

Taehyung is silent for a moment, and you wonder if he doesn’t want to tell you, but then he says, “We both had very different ideas about what we wanted from a relationship, I think. She always thought I was too childish, and that I wasn’t responsible enough… I guess I kind of was… I was scared of ever committing to her. You know, we’d been dating for quite a long time, but I never mentioned marriage or anything. She didn’t even move in with me. That was bad sign for her… she kept getting angry, wanting to move her stuff over to my place, and saying I mustn’t love her enough if I didn’t want to live with her. But there was… something holding me back… I don’t know how to explain it… but… it was intrusion? Intru… no! Intuition. It was intuition.” He laughs at himself. “Sorry, I get so used to speaking simply with the children that I forget how to use long words with adults sometimes.”

You smile, “It’s okay. I’ve only spent my free time with Mia for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know how to relate to adults either.”

“At least we know how to talk with each other then…” Taehyung chuckles, with a cloud of mist escaping his throat, “Anyway… Inna didn’t really understand me, and I guess I never understood her either, so we ended up breaking up. She blamed my immaturity for the whole thing.”

“But that wasn’t immature!” you feel anger bubbling up, “In fact, from the sounds of it, you behaved very maturely in that situation. If you can’t relate to each other, then the relationship can’t possibly last. It was good to end it as soon as you could.”

He nods his head, “I thought so too… but I am sorry that it ended so badly...”

“No, don’t be,” you adjust your grip around her shoulder, holding him a little more tightly, partly to keep yourself from slipping off his back, and partly to offer him some comfort under your touch.

As he turns the corner, and the school appears ahead of you, you feel a tug of remorse that the night is over, that you’ll have to leave Taehyung’s hold and return to being single. It was nice to remember what it was like to have someone to hold hands with, someone to be with, and the whole evening had almost convinced you to fall in love again, to allow yourself the leeway to care for someone else besides your daughter. It’s difficult to remember that Taehyung isn’t anything more than a self-proclaimed partner in crime, and that the ring around your finger is nothing more than a prop.

As Taehyung walks you up the school drive, he says, “Well… I’ve told you what happened to me and Inna… would it be too rude to ask what happened to Mia’s father?”

You fall silent as he reaches the edge of the car park, slipping off his back and onto the cold pavement.

He turns back with wide, worried eyes. “Sorry. I overstepped a line, didn’t I? I’ve had a bit of alcohol and… my tongue gets a little more lose when I do. Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” you sooth with a gentle smile as you dig for your keys from your purse and head for your car, “It was a long time ago, so it’s not that painful anymore.” By your car, you stop, hand on the door. “He died a couple of months after Mia’s birth.”

“Oh.” Taehyung’s face falls at this, and he licks his lips, unsure how to respond.

“Like I said,” you continue, “It was a long time ago. And even though I do miss him… I’m not sad about it anymore. He gave me Mia, and she’s the best part of my life.”

Even though you should be leaving, it feels wrong to part like this, so rather than standing in the frost you say, “Would you like to get into the car for a bit? Just to get out of the cold?”

He nods, and so you end up with him sitting in the passenger seat, body twisted towards you as you continue talking about your husband, reliving old memories with a wistful smile twinging your lips.

“That must be hard for Mia,” Taehyung says eventually, and you nod sadly.

“Yeah, she doesn’t remember him well, but she’s recently started noticing the absence. You know, just the other day, she said she wished she had a dad to come and watch her in the play.” The thought makes the smile wobble off your face, replace by pain, as you remember her innocent questions.

“I’ll come to see her in the play,” Taehyung offers, and then his cheeks flush and he begins rambling, “Well… I mean… ah, maybe this is the alcohol still in my system, and I’m definitely overstepping a line here… but Mia’s a good kid… and…” His hands go up to run over his face, pushing at his closed eyelids. “Ahhhh… what am I saying?”

“Taehyung,” you say gently, and he peeks at you past his fingers, “Mia would be delighted if I told her you’ll watch her in the play.”

He drops his hands and offers a cautious smile.

The conversation seems finished, but still you don’t want Taehyung to leave, and he makes no movement to do so. Absently, you fiddle with your hands, and feel the cold of the ring still on your finger.

“Oh, right…” You pull it off carefully, and hold it out to Taehyung, “I believe this is yours.”

He puts out his hand, and as you press the ring into his fingers his warmth seeps below your skin.

“Oh, and the blazer as well,” you murmur, the stillness in the car seeming to call for a lower voice. You slip off Taehyung’s blazer, catching one last breath of his cologne, as he leans closer and you throw it around his shoulders for him.

Even though it’s time to part, you can’t let go of the collar of the blazer, holding him close. You feel that if you let him go, the whole night will slip from your fingers, like the mist of a dream. Forgetting what it’s like to be held, to be felt, to be connected, what it’s like to be in love, you’ll return to a single-minded focus on Mia, living in love, only for her, with no time to love a man and no time to love yourself.

In the subdued moonlight Taehyung looks all the more ethereal, eyes dark and glossy, lips shining wet as he licks them, and you allow yourself one act of self-love, allow yourself one split second of happiness, just to satiate your own curiosity for what might have been. In the hold of the night’s murmurings, you lean in, just as Taehyung does, and close your lips to his own, locking against him. Your eyes shut instinctively, and all that’s left is his warmth on you, warmth around you, as his hands pull you an extra bit closer, trying to manoeuvre you awkwardly, so he can get as close as possible with the gear box in the way. Your arms snake up around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair, and you melt away on this moment.

It’s all heat, all Taehyung, all you, all you’ve been wanting all evening.

At last, he slips out of your hold again, and you sit, short of breath, with him leaning, watching you from the other side of the car with a dopey smile on his lips.

“I should probably go now,” you remember, knowing it’s far too late, and Mia definitely needs to be in bed.

“Yeah,” he breathes. It takes him another second of staring at you, in awe, before he moves, opening the car door again, letting cold air to rush in and knock sense into both of you, drunk on each other’s touch.

“I’ll see you at the school play,” he says, and then jumps out, and with a wave and a boxy grin, he closed the door behind him, and heads across the car park, towards his own house.

You sit for a few seconds, holding your burning cheeks in your hands and trying to steady your heartbeat, knowing driving like this would be dangerous. You give yourself time to clear your head, before finally starting the engine.

♡♡♡

Mia’s still up when you arrive home, sitting in her pyjamas watching TV with the babysitter. The babysitter looks sheepish when you arrive. “I did try to get her to go to bed,” she explains, but you just hand her the rest of her money, and tell her it’s fine.

Your daughter spins around, and you can sense she’s hyper off sugar that the babysitter probably shouldn’t have fed her. “How was the date? How was the date?”

“Mouse... I told you...” you say, “It wasn’t a date!”

But even as you say this, memories rush back of all that happened this evening, and you realise there’s absolutely no fooling anyone. It was a date.

“You’re blushing! It was totally a date!”

You smile. “Alright, Mouse, maybe it was…”

As you shepherd her up the stairs you feel a vibration in your pocket, as your phone goes off. Reminding Mia to brush her teeth before she goes to bed, you watch her slump to the bathroom, complaining that she’s not ready to sleep. It takes a lot of coaxing, but you finally get her into her room with the lights switched off, and allow yourself to collapse into your own bed, still with a full face of make-up and your dress hugging your body.

You check your phone, and smile to see a message from Taehyung:

“Thanks for tonight. It was great. You did great. You were great…. Am I rambling? Haha! I’ll see you later anyways. Xoxo”

You smile involuntarily, roll over in bed, curling up in the duvet. You type your reply, “I’ll look forward to it xoxo”. This time the ‘x’s and ‘o’s are completely on purpose.

♡ END ♡

Author’s note: I’m sorry this is late! It wasn’t meant to be so long, but my brain got carried away, and it ended up taking longer than expected to write! I hope the wait was worth it!

3K notes · View notes

deliverydefresas · 7 years

Text

darling just dive right in, and follow my lead

I’m gonna say it right here, right now; it’s a mess, sorry.

not proofread bc i am me.

“My best friend is getting married to your best friend and we have to walk down the aisle together, I remember never really liking you but you look so good in this, wow”

“Ugh, I hate weddings.”

“No one’s going to marry you so don’t worry, boo; you’re in the clear.”

“Fuck you, Balsano.”

“You’ve been there and done that, Smith.”

He knows she’s seconds away of slapping him, but annoying his blonde friend had always been too much fun to pass out. He hasn’t seen her in almost seven years, but teasing her is still as fun as it had been in high school, and he likes it. It’s a sense of familiarity in a place surrounded by strangers.

Leaving Argentina after his junior year of high school was to be expected. His parents moved around a lot and staying more than a couple of years in one place had been basically impossible in his childhood, so he tried his best to not get attached to people he knew he was probably never going to see again the next year. Of course, leave it to Gastón to not allow that.

Even after leaving, his best friend made sure to keep in touch, refusing to be just another face he acquainted through the years. So, he e-mailed, texted, called, even visited him once or twice on their senior year; ultimately leading to both enrolling in Oxford and rooming together through all semesters.

Matteo had seen Gastón go through many phases on his life, and he was there when he broke it off for a couple of months with his girlfriend when he left for England, saw how difficult the distance had been on him; but he also saw Gastón pick himself up and fight for the love of who, by tomorrow evening, would be his wife. He was proud, and more than happy to see his best friend marry someone who made him happy, too.

He did resent the fact that he barely knew anyone in the wedding, though. He was stuck with Queen Ámbar and Her Royal Bitch attitude.

“No wonder you and Gastón are friends, you both are dicks.” She huffs, and if it weren’t because her hair’s up, he’s sure she’d flip it like she used to in high school.

He snorts. “And you need to get laid.”

By now, Ámbar’s patience is gone. She flips him off and turns away, ignoring him. Matteo’s about to joke his way out of her anger when his best friend approaches them, his grin so wide it takes half his face. He’s holding two glasses of whiskey, and hands him one.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Blake’s power couple of our generation! The flashbacks are real, and so are the déjà vus… that glare and that smirk… so 2016.” Ámbar flips him off, too, and walks away, cursing them lowly. Gastón shouts before she’s out of hearing range, “Nina’s looking for you, by the way! Bridesmaids meeting!”

This takes Matteo off guard, “Ámbar is a bridesmaid?! Didn’t she hate Nina in high school?”

His friend snorts, “they still can’t stand each other, but one of Nina’s friends from college ditched the bridesmaid position because she had a job interview out of the city. We had to fill her place.”

“And you thought of Ámbar?!”

“Not really,” Gastón admits, “we asked Delfi first, but then she got pregnant and said she wouldn’t walk the isle 36 weeks pregnant.”

Matteo interrupted him, “dude, you asked your ex-girlfriend to be one of your fiancée’s bridesmaids?”

His answer is a shrug, “Nina and she are friendly, and her husband is one of my groomsmen. It’s chill.” Then he continues, “anyway, after that we asked Jazmín, but she said there was no way in hell she was wearing a yellow bridesmaid dress.”

“So Ámbar was your last option?” Gastón nods, sipping his drink again, “how did you even got her to agree? I can’t see her saying yes, much less after you asked both her best friends first.”

“I have no idea how Luna did it, and frankly, I’m scared of the answer.”

“Luna? Who’s Luna?”

The name didn’t ring a bell. Not like many in this party did, but Gastón said most of the guests were from high school, and he didn’t remember any Luna’s back in the Blake.

“Nina’s best friend, and Maid of Honor. Y’know, the girl you were supposed to help plan this wedding and walk down the isle with?” Gastón is teasing him, and he knows it, but he can’t help but panic a little.

“I was supposed to help plan this? What the fuck, dude?”

“Bro, I’m messing with you. Between my mom, Ana, Nina and the girls handled everything. I was lucky they even let me choose part of the menu and cakes.” The idiot is laughing at his expense, so he joins him once his moment of panic goes away. He might be a jerk, but he was a nice jerk. He knew weddings could be stressful, and that usually everyone had to help so in the wedding the bride and groom could relax and enjoy their party, his mom had warned him about it. However, Gastón had only asked him to plan his bachelor party and that was it. So, that’s the only thing he did besides showing up to suit appointments and, well, show up to the celebration.

“Okay, but how come I’ve never met this Luna girl, then? The wedding is tomorrow.”

Gastón looks at him confused, “you haven’t seen her? She’s followed Nina around the whole night. Besides, she went to the Blake with us, she’s been Nina’s best friend since Junior Year.”

Matteo digs on his memories of his last year on Argentina before leaving for England, trying to picture the girl Gastón was referring to. He remembers Nina hanging out mostly with a red head and a blonde, Jim and Yam, who were her other two bridesmaids, and then he remembers a girl got transferred from México and Nina and her getting attached to the hip.

He can picture her now. She was super short, like 13-year-old short, had long brown hair and pretty eyes, always laughing and daydreaming. They had barely talked back then, since Matteo left Gastón alone so he could talk to Nina when they met in the hallways, running to catch Ámbar before their next class started. He also remembers him flirting with her once or twice and she quickly turning him down and calling him a snob.

“Oh. They’re still close?”

“Super close. Like you and I, they went to college together. Nina loves her a lot, she’s the sister she always wanted, encourages her to try new things, doesn’t push her.”

“You seem to like her a lot, too.” He comments, finishing what was left of his whiskey. Gastón’s smile is a genuine one, nodding to his question.

“She’s the main reason Nina gave us another shot. And she’s genuinely one of the nicest people you’ll ever met; difficult not to like her.”

“So, without her there would be no wedding tomorrow?” Gastón nods again.

“Basically.”

“Well, I should thank her, then. For making you and your bride happy.” His best friend laughs, and starts walking to the bar, gesturing for him to follow. “I must ask, is she as short as I remember her?”

“She grew a little on senior year and a little more when I saw her on a visit to Nina in college, but she’s still tiny. Why?”

He shrugs, “curious, I guess.”

Gastón asks for two glasses of water when they reach the bar, and fails to notice his fiancée walking to them. Nina smiles at him as hello, and he smiles back. The girl was shy, and barely talked to him most of the time, but he never took offense on that. She was shy, sometimes overly so, but she loved his best friend like he loved her.

“Boys,” she calls once she’s close enough for them to hear her. Gastón’s smile turns into a happy grin when he sees her, “our parents want a picture of us before the wedding, can I steal your boyfriend time for a moment?”

Gastón nods immediately, asking her to take them to their parents. Matteo grabs the glasses of water before following behind; he still hasn’t said his greetings to Gastón’s parents, or Nina’s, or anyone who isn’t Ámbar and Gastón, so he takes it as the opportunity to.

They’re almost near their parents when he hears Ámbar’s snarky tone, “look, Fratman and Robin are here, now. And Neurotic Bride too, yay.” He turns his head to her voice, and is surprised when a brunette elbow her on the arm, asking her to be nice. He doesn’t think Nina or Gastón heard her, or if they did they ignored her, because they don’t look back their way, they go straight ahead where there’s a photographer waiting with their parents.

“I knew you were missing me already, darling.” He teases as he approaches them, Ámbar rolling her eyes while the girl, Luna if his memory is correct, looks at him curiously.

“I didn’t know Ámbar had brought a date to the wedding.” She says, and Matteo smiles when he notices her voice has changed a little. He can’t tell if she’s taller, since she’s wearing heels, but she’s grown, alright. Her chest and hips are a little rounder, her face a little slimmer. Her hair is still long and wavy, her eyes a pretty shade green. She’s a beauty.

“She wishes.”

“He wishes.” Both answer at the same time, and Ámbar speaks again, “he’s Gastón’s idiot of a best friend and his best man. Matteo Balsano.”

Luna’s pretty eyes shine in recognition, and he’s proud she seems to know who he is. “It’s nice to see you again, Matteo.”

“Likewise, Luna. I’ve heard you’re the responsible this wedding is even happening at all.” She’s blushing, and he grins because she looks lovely, her dress is a pretty shade of pink and suits the blush perfectly.

“Oh?”

“Gastón told me you helped them get back together.”

“Oooh. That was all them, honestly. I only told her to follow her heart, I’m glad it worked out this way.”

“Me too. If not, we wouldn’t be here, and I would have missed seeing you tonight. You look very pretty.”

Her blush only intensifies with the compliment.

“Lunita,” Ámbar calls for her attention, glaring right at him, “I think Nina wants a picture with you and Simón.” The blonde basically spits the guy’s name, but it’s enough for Luna to look back where Nina and a guy around their age are waving to gain her attention. She excuses herself, smiling apologetically at him, he doesn’t know if it’s because she doesn’t want to leave, or because she doesn’t want to leave him with Ámbar. She still leaves. “What are you doing, Balsano?”

“What? I’m the best man, I should be friends with the maid of honor.”

“You didn’t even acknowledge her in high school.”

“Neither did you, what’s your point.” His tone comes off defensive, and Ámbar smirks when she sees him squirm a little, “since when are you friendly with people, anyway?”

“Shit happens. Pigs fly. Life changes.” She’s vague about it, which means she doesn’t want (and won’t) talk about it.

So, he changes the topic. “Who’s Simón?”

Her smirk turns into a scowl, “the guitarist is Luna’s friend from México, and one of the groomsmen. Remember the Nico and Pedro from the roller?” he nods, “well, they’re a band. Ironically, and pathetically, they’re called the Rollerband. Maybe you’ve heard of them.”

He had heard of them. They weren’t quite as popular in Europe, but some of their songs played enough back there. Now he understood why Gastón liked them so much.

“I’m guessing he’s not of your approval?”

“He’s even a bigger idiot than you are.”

Again, she doesn’t specify what she means by that, and he doesn’t push. After that, night falls into a quick pace. He doesn’t talk or hangs out with Luna that much after that, busy catching up with his best man duties and trying to talk to everyone he can, thanking them for being there for Gastón and Nina.

He does notice, however, that every time he looks at Luna, she’s looking right back at him.

The next morning is a frenzy. Everyone seems to be in a hurry, and his best friend is a mess of nerves. He’s almost sure Gastón has stopped himself from throwing up at least twice.

By noon, he’s ready to get this over with.

The wedding is supposed to start at 13PM and by 12:40 he’s called to stand with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids in a little room inside the chapel, so he leaves Gastón with his parents. He tells them all hello, not surprised to see Jim and Yam together, but curious about the other two groomsmen who he hadn’t seen before. One of them introduces himself as Ramiro, Yam’s fiancé and one of Nina’s college friends. The other one seems more familiar, and is surprised to find out he’s Pedro.

“Wait, you’re Delfi’s husband?” Out of all the couples, he didn’t see that coming. Pedro had been shy and chill, while Delfina was, well, intense.

Pedro’s smile was a proud one, and even he could tell he was head over heels for his wife, “of three years.”

“Soon to be father of her son.” A voice he doesn’t recognize says, and he tilts his head towards it, to the wall Simón is leaning on.

“Nobody asked for you comment, guitarist.” Ámbar scowls from her seat near the window, flipping her hair away from her face. It’s just now that he notices all bridesmaids have their hair down, a small braid and a pin being the only “do”. He also notices Luna isn’t there yet, most likely still with Nina in a different room.

“And nobody asked for your whine, little gem.” Simón’s tone is playful, and something more, but he can’t exactly pinpoint it. The guy must love teasing her, or provoking her, because he’s not one bit bothered when she starts name calling him, and responds to each with glee.

He also notices it must be a normal occurrence, since everyone looks more amused than anything.

They don’t stop their bickering until Luna comes into the room, announcing that it’s show time. His eyes scan her appearance from head to toe, smiling when she looks at him, realizes he’s checking her out and blushes a little. He’s not ashamed to admit his breath hitched a little when he saw her.

Everyone starts emptying the room, laughing when Ramiro almost trips on the door. He offers her his arm, which she gladly accepts before they leave the room, closing the door and following the rest to the entrance of the chapel.

He leans until his lips are above her ear, and whispers, “you look beautiful, Luna.”

And she does, very much. Yellow suits her a lot more than it suits the other girls, so Nina must have had her in mind when she picked the color. The fit of the dress is perfect on her, too, and accentuates her figure nicely. She, unlike the other girls, has half her hair pinned in a pretty bun, and her pin is a little bigger. Matteo guesses it’s to state she’s not a bridesmaid, but the maid of honor.

“Thank you, Matteo. You look very handsome, too.” He grins at the compliment.

Jim and Pedro go in first, followed by Yam and Ramiro. Luna has to remind Ámbar to smile when it’s her and Simón’s turn. Finally, it’s their time.

“Don’t let me fall,” she whispers, squeezing his arm slightly.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Luna offers him a small smile as thanks, standing straighter before turning to the crowd and widening her smile. It only takes them a minute to reach the end of the aisle, and he can’t help himself from kissing the back of her hand before she releases his arm to stand next to the girls.

He winks at her before he, too, takes his place next to Gastón and the rest of groomsmen.

The wedding is beautiful.

Matteo’s pretty sure everyone got teared up, because even he did at one point. Nina’s parents are a sea of tears even after the ceremony ends, crying at everything and at nothing. He’s almost sure the poor girl is lowkey embarrassed. His best friend hasn’t stopped smiling, and Matteo’s happy he’s happy, and in love.

The actual party hasn’t started yet, everyone is busy enjoying the dinner before they announce the first dance and they’re asked to join. The couple has done their speeches, as have Luna and Matteo, and the proud parents.

Matteo’s happy he’s sharing Luna’s table, too. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen plus their dates are seated in one big table next to the bridal one, where Gastón is feeding Nina mushroom soup.

The table doesn’t grow in quantity that much, since Yam and Ramiro are each other’s dates, and Ámbar, Simón, Jim, Luna and he are dateless. So, it’s only Pedro who brings someone. Delfi looks different than how he remembers; he doesn’t know if it’s the fact that she’s pretty much in her last weeks of pregnancy and is glowing from it, but she looks happy and in love.

“So, what’s the laundry story?” Luna asks him once their plates of soup are done, sipping water from her glass cup. He copies her movement, taking a sip of his own glass.

“It was in the Nina-less era of college. Gastón went out one night, and came back to our apartment really, really wasted. I sent him to his room to sleep it off, but he said he wanted to pee first. I didn’t really realize how wasted he truly was, so I thought he could be alone and not cause damage, y’know?” She nods, barely turning to look at the waiter to thank him for changing her soup plate for the main course, “when he took more than five minutes, and I didn’t hear the flush I went to check up on him, thinking he had fallen asleep in the bathroom.”

“He didn’t?”

Matteo snorts, “I wish he did. The fucker peed on our laundry basket thinking it was the toilet, and started crying once he realized it wasn’t. And then cried harder because “he was a mess” without Nina.”

“No!” she gasps, and then laughs out loud. He had hated his best friend that night. His favorite shirt was there, and they had to throw away at least half of those clothes. There was no way, even deep cleaning them, that he’d wear clothes peed by Gastón.

“What are you laughing about?” Ámbar wonders from Luna’s other side, catching the attention of the others. Matteo tells them the story, and they too burst a laugh. The topic is changed to drunk stories and memories of their younger years.

He feels somewhat left out, because he wasn’t there when most of the stories happened, but he doesn’t let it bother him. At one point, Simón makes a comment about one of Ámbar’s skinny dipping adventures that gains him a slap and makes the blonde leave the table. He excuses himself to go after her, sighing when he sees Luna’s reproachable eyes.

“What’s their deal?” he asks to no one, but it’s Delfi who answers.

“Ámbar’s tired of waiting for him to finally man up and ask her out.”

“Wait, she likes him?”

Luna looks amused at his confusion, “you haven’t noticed? I say it’s pretty obvious, even I have and I’m clueless in this stuff.”

“He more than likes her. I mean, they both have been screwing for months.” Pedro snorts, subtly pushing more vegetables to Delfi’s plate when she’s looking away.

“They screwed last night, and I’m pretty sure they did again this morning. Ámbar didn’t make it to her room until 9AM, I checked.”

Matteo finds that he is, in fact, not really surprised. No wonder she got all pissy about the guy.

Even after the topic’s moved to the wedding, and Ricardo’s crying speech, Luna seems distracted, and he catches her looking frequently to where Simón and Ámbar disappeared to.

“They’re probably making out right now, don’t worry.” He tells her quietly, trying to ease her worry. She smiles.

“I know, I just can’t help it. He’s my best friend and she’s my cousin, I just want them to be happy.” She sighs, “plus, Nina and Gastón are going to dance soon, then their parents and then it’s our turn. They need to come back soon.”

“Your cousin?” He’s shocked, and he sounds like it, too.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

“But she didn’t even talk to you in high school?”

“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t here in senior year!” That leaves him even more confused, so she explains, “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m adopted. I’m originally from here, but when my biological parents died, they couldn’t find me any other relatives, so, I was put up for adoption. Mónica and Miguel – those are my adoptive parents- adopted me and we moved to México when I was still a toddler. On my sophomore year I decided I wanted to find who my parents were, and if I had any family left, so we came back. The truth came out on my junior year – and Ámbar’s senior- and I found that I had family left. My aunt had adopted Ámbar, thinking she was me. That wasn’t the case, obviously, but I learnt to see Ámbar as my cousin and gained an aunt and a grandpa, I can’t complain.”

“That’s… very mature of you.” She laughs at this.

Cake gets them momentarily distracted, and they both ask for a double piece, not really caring if any other person is left without cake. Not that it was possible, since Gastón asked for two five level cakes to begin with.

Conversation flows easily between them. He doesn’t feel pressure to appear cool, or funny, or interesting, because Luna on her own makes him feel that way. He has to agree wholeheartedly with Gastón’s description of her; Luna’s the nicest girl he’s ever met, and she has a natural charm that just makes you like her. If he hadn’t had a crush before, he surely has one now.

The guitarist and his little gem get back to the table just as Nina and Gastón’s first dance as a married couple is announced, looking all flushed and lips swollen.

“Did you two had fun christening the bathroom?”

His comment earns him Ámbar’s middle finger and a nervous laugh from Simón, plus Luna’s bony elbow against his ribs.

They all watch in silence how their friends sway on the dance floor, biggest grins and stolen pecks every now and then, enjoying themselves and the moment.

“I want that one day.” Luna’s whisper is so low, he’s almost sure it was meant just for her to hear. But he can’t help to question.

“A wedding?”

Luna’s soft eyes flicker to him, and shakes her head lightly, but doesn’t answer him out loud. By now, the bride and groom are dancing with their parents, laughing while they sway. They know they’ll be called to the dance floor soon, so Luna suggests for all to stand up and get there already. Delfi declines dancing, her belly too heavy for her to even sway comfortably, but urges her husband to take Jim.

She’s right about being called soon, because as soon as they’re near the dance floor, the host asks for them to join their friends and their parents. Matteo doesn’t hesitate to take her hand and lead her to the center of the floor, swirling her a little before pulling her to him and sway to Michael Bublé’s voice.

She sighs contently, and leans her head on his chest. He welcomes the gesture, his grip on her waist tightening a little. He doesn’t know if it’s too soon, or if he comes too strong, but he gets it now. He wasted the chance when they were younger, now he’s decided to try.

“Luna?” she looks up, her eyes waiting for what he’s going to say, and he knows what she means now. She looks confused for three seconds, before his words dawns on her. “I want that one day, too. Hopefully with you.”

#lutteoficweek #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #lutteo ff #my lutteo ff #my sl ff #sl ff #lutteoficweek2

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