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mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months

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Supervised AI isn't

It wasn't just Ottawa: Microsoft Travel published a whole bushel of absurd articles, including the notorious Ottawa guide recommending that tourists dine at the Ottawa Food Bank ("go on an empty stomach"):

https://twitter.com/parismarx/status/1692233111260582161

After Paris Marx pointed out the Ottawa article, Business Insider's Nathan McAlone found several more howlers:

https://www.businessinsider.com/microsoft-removes-embarrassing-offensive-ai-assisted-travel-articles-2023-8

There was the article recommending that visitors to Montreal try "a hamburger" and went on to explain that a hamburger was a "sandwich comprised of a ground beef patty, a sliced bun of some kind, and toppings such as lettuce, tomato, cheese, etc" and that some of the best hamburgers in Montreal could be had at McDonald's.

For Anchorage, Microsoft recommended trying the local delicacy known as "seafood," which it defined as "basically any form of sea life regarded as food by humans, prominently including fish and shellfish," going on to say, "seafood is a versatile ingredient, so it makes sense that we eat it worldwide."

In Tokyo, visitors seeking "photo-worthy spots" were advised to "eat Wagyu beef."

There were more.

Microsoft insisted that this wasn't an issue of "unsupervised AI," but rather "human error." On its face, this presents a head-scratcher: is Microsoft saying that a human being erroneously decided to recommend the dining at Ottawa's food bank?

But a close parsing of the mealy-mouthed disclaimer reveals the truth. The unnamed Microsoft spokesdroid only appears to be claiming that this wasn't written by an AI, but they're actually just saying that the AI that wrote it wasn't "unsupervised." It was a supervised AI, overseen by a human. Who made an error. Thus: the problem was human error.

This deliberate misdirection actually reveals a deep truth about AI: that the story of AI being managed by a "human in the loop" is a fantasy, because humans are neurologically incapable of maintaining vigilance in watching for rare occurrences.

Our brains wire together neurons that we recruit when we practice a task. When we don't practice a task, the parts of our brain that we optimized for it get reused. Our brains are finite and so don't have the luxury of reserving precious cells for things we don't do.

That's why the TSA sucks so hard at its job – why they are the world's most skilled water-bottle-detecting X-ray readers, but consistently fail to spot the bombs and guns that red teams successfully smuggle past their checkpoints:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-breaches-us-airports-allowed-weapons-through-n367851

TSA agents (not "officers," please – they're bureaucrats, not cops) spend all day spotting water bottles that we forget in our carry-ons, but almost no one tries to smuggle a weapons through a checkpoint – 99.999999% of the guns and knives they do seize are the result of flier forgetfulness, not a planned hijacking.

In other words, they train all day to spot water bottles, and the only training they get in spotting knives, guns and bombs is in exercises, or the odd time someone forgets about the hand-cannon they shlep around in their day-pack. Of course they're excellent at spotting water bottles and shit at spotting weapons.

This is an inescapable, biological aspect of human cognition: we can't maintain vigilance for rare outcomes. This has long been understood in automation circles, where it is called "automation blindness" or "automation inattention":

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29939767/

Here's the thing: if nearly all of the time the machine does the right thing, the human "supervisor" who oversees it becomes incapable of spotting its error. The job of "review every machine decision and press the green button if it's correct" inevitably becomes "just press the green button," assuming that the machine is usually right.

This is a huge problem. It's why people just click "OK" when they get a bad certificate error in their browsers. 99.99% of the time, the error was caused by someone forgetting to replace an expired certificate, but the problem is, the other 0.01% of the time, it's because criminals are waiting for you to click "OK" so they can steal all your money:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/ema-report-finds-nearly-80-130300983.html

Automation blindness can't be automated away. From interpreting radiographic scans:

https://healthitanalytics.com/news/ai-could-safely-automate-some-x-ray-interpretation

to autonomous vehicles:

https://newsroom.unsw.edu.au/news/science-tech/automated-vehicles-may-encourage-new-breed-distracted-drivers

The "human in the loop" is a figleaf. The whole point of automation is to create a system that operates at superhuman scale – you don't buy an LLM to write one Microsoft Travel article, you get it to write a million of them, to flood the zone, top the search engines, and dominate the space.

As I wrote earlier: "There's no market for a machine-learning autopilot, or content moderation algorithm, or loan officer, if all it does is cough up a recommendation for a human to evaluate. Either that system will work so poorly that it gets thrown away, or it works so well that the inattentive human just button-mashes 'OK' every time a dialog box appears":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/21/let-me-summarize/#i-read-the-abstract

Microsoft – like every corporation – is insatiably horny for firing workers. It has spent the past three years cutting its writing staff to the bone, with the express intention of having AI fill its pages, with humans relegated to skimming the output of the plausible sentence-generators and clicking "OK":

https://www.businessinsider.com/microsoft-news-cuts-dozens-of-staffers-in-shift-to-ai-2020-5

We know about the howlers and the clunkers that Microsoft published, but what about all the other travel articles that don't contain any (obvious) mistakes? These were very likely written by a stochastic parrot, and they comprised training data for a human intelligence, the poor schmucks who are supposed to remain vigilant for the "hallucinations" (that is, the habitual, confidently told lies that are the hallmark of AI) in the torrent of "content" that scrolled past their screens:

https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922

Like the TSA agents who are fed a steady stream of training data to hone their water-bottle-detection skills, Microsoft's humans in the loop are being asked to pluck atoms of difference out of a raging river of otherwise characterless slurry. They are expected to remain vigilant for something that almost never happens – all while they are racing the clock, charged with preventing a slurry backlog at all costs.

Automation blindness is inescapable – and it's the inconvenient truth that AI boosters conspicuously fail to mention when they are discussing how they will justify the trillion-dollar valuations they ascribe to super-advanced autocomplete systems. Instead, they wave around "humans in the loop," using low-waged workers as props in a Big Store con, just a way to (temporarily) cool the marks.

And what of the people who lose their (vital) jobs to (terminally unsuitable) AI in the course of this long-running, high-stakes infomercial?

Well, there's always the food bank.

"Go on an empty stomach."

Going to Burning Man? Catch me on Tuesday at 2:40pm on the Center Camp Stage for a talk about enshittification and how to reverse it; on Wednesday at noon, I'm hosting Dr Patrick Ball at Liminal Labs (6:15/F) for a talk on using statistics to prove high-level culpability in the recruitment of child soldiers.

On September 6 at 7pm, I'll be hosting Naomi Klein at the LA Public Library for the launch of Doppelganger.

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

West Midlands Police (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/westmidlandspolice/8705128684/

CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

#pluralistic #automation blindness #humans in the loop #stochastic parrots #habitual confident liars #ai #artificial intelligence #llms #large language models #microsoft

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ideas-4-stories · 14 days

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One piece story idea where Buggy has had medical issues since he was a baby, but most of them went unknown, undiagnosed, or not caught early enough to "make a difference".

Buggy with an autoimmune disorder of some kind (leaning to fibromayalgia bc I love projecting on my baby blue blorbo, but also the overactive nerves would tie in nicely with his devil fruit)

Buggy with hypermobility at the very least, possible Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but it's damn near impossible to properly diagnose due to his DF and the tech available by and large.

On the Oro Jackson, few genuinely believed when Buggy would say something hurt or felt wrong or when he was more foggy headed than usual. Shanks could always read him like an open book. Roger could hear the changes in his youngest's Voice. Crocus did the best he could, but his options were limited and his attention was split. It was Roger, Rayleigh and Shanks who were Buggy's main support system.

Roger absolutely cried the first time Buggy got injured in a big fight and casually relocated a joint with just a soft hiss. That alone had been jarring, but Buggy's response to Shanks' worried question of "are you okay, does it hurt-," left the captain biting back tears. How else is a father supposed to feel when his little boy simply rolls hod eyes and says "not much more than normal"

When Roger disbanded the crew, the plan was to leave the boys on Drum. It had good doctors, Buggy would get more support, and it was rarely an island under siege due to the medical renown it had. They of course did not tell the boys as such, and it was only through a series of wacky events that lead Kureha to meeting them and taking a liking to their sparks. Shanks wasn't the most interested in medicine but he learned some things, specifically first aid and some things to help Buggy. He actually found psychology pretty interesting when he had the patience and attention span to spare. Buggy on the other hand took to it all like a fish to water.

They were there for almost two years when the newspaper was delivered and both boys lost their SHIT when the headline announced the execution of their captain, their father. Kureha sent them off, arguably with more supplies than they needed, and gave them her Denden number to reach her if they needed anything at all. She couldn't go with them, but she refused to send them truly alone.

They have their fight in the plaza, but it doesn't end with a monumental break up. They meet back up the next day, and they bite the bullet together and talk.

They take some time to come to a decision moving forward.

They ultimately decide to go with the co-captain avenue but with careful misdirection and smoke and mirrors. To the world at large, they will seem completely independent and unrelated. In truth, they will be leveraging their independent skills to further themselves and each other. The brains and brawn, as it were.

It works out in their favor for a good deal of time until the cluster fuck that is marineford. Secrets are out, identities revealed, and Buggy is having 6395716 panic attacks stacked up like Legos.

He and Shanks roll with it as best they can, trying to salvage what they feasibly could.

Two years later, Cross Guild is formed and begins rolling. Buggy's crew knows of his illnesses/disabilities, but he has a strict set up to address them. It's on a need to know basis.

Crocodile and Mihawk just so happened to swirl in like a hurricane and never got the memo until there was an attack on the island.

Somehow, someway, Buggy got absolutely soaked in sea water, but he's still fighting, knives in hand, bobbing and weaving with a trail of blood in his wake. It's as he pivots to lunge that Mihawk catches sight of him suddenly paling, a minute flinch, but beyond that, Buggy doesn't react, instead throwing the knife, reaching down and making a strange move at his knee before he cringed, took a sharp inhale, and dove back into the fray.

Upon asking why, hours later in the meeting tent, the swordsman and mafioso present blink when Buggy shrugs and says "oh, my knee cap tried to dislocate. Couldn't disconnect with the sea water so I had to push it back by hand."

"Pardon?"

"Hm?" Buggy glances up from where he's brushing some dried remnants of the battle from his locks, one eye shut against the debris. "What?"

"What caused the injury? I did not see any attacks to your legs in the chaos."

"Oh, it just happens sometimes," Buggy says casually, as if this were knowledge the other two ought to know. "I'm used to it."

They are not sure what to do, nor how to respond. They let it rest for the time being but they do keep a closer eye on their chairman following this.

They learn Buggy is rather adept at working with and around his unusual burdens, either disconnecting a joint or alleviating pressure on it until it can be addressed, even chop-chopping the offending area back to the proper place. They catch sight, now that they know to look, of hints of braces, wraps, the way Buggy occasionally presses his iced drink to a knee, a wrist, on an ankle in movements familiar but exceedingly casual, never belying their true purpose.

It is then that the two dark haired men realize there is much more to their clown than they first assumed.

I agree that overactive nerves would tie nicely with his Devil Fruit. Buggy having medical issues that went unknown, undiagnosed, or wasn’t caught early enough would make sense after all if the HC that Buggy was with the Roger Pirates as a baby or even if he wasn’t with them during his infant stage. These are pirates, how are they supposed to know that they need to look for things that could be wrong with the two babies they now have?

I’m sure some of them have things that have went unknown and undiagnosed. Anyway, back to Buggy, I had to look up Ehlers Danlos Syndrome because I didn't know what it was. I agree that it would be nearly impossible to diagnose properly because of no good tech around, as well as the fact he is on a pirate crew, I assume for the most pirate crews they don't stick around island for very long. I HC that Buggy swallowed the Bara Bara Fruit when he was nine.

Poor Buggy, I want to think that more people on the crew understood that Buggy has problems but didn’t how they could help him. Because acting like Buggy was fragile would make Buggy become angry because kid doesn’t want to be treated like that.

Poor Roger, having to watch that without saying anything, with all the other times it happened. Then after he disbanded the crew. Leaving them on Drum Island is a good choice and it makes sense that they didn’t tell the boys (I feel like they don’t tell the boys many things that should of been talked about, but this might be a good thing they didn’t say anything about. But who knows)

I wonder what the series of wacky events were to the meeting between them and Kureha? To me, they seemed like it there in this AU.

I think anyone would lose their shit if they see someone, they really love is getting murdered in front of so many people. I feel that Kureha only let them go because she knew they would go anyway, and this way let’s her give Buggy and Shanks the supplies they need.

I believe that with all the stress and pain of losing someone they hold dear in their hearts. I think Buggy wasn’t in the right mind set nor was Shanks in a way. Anyway, Love that they came back around to talk about it. I think the smoke & mirrors co-captain route they have… or is it more like Buggy and Shanks are allies? They have their own crews, but they still have each.

Then Marineford happened, poor Buggy and Shanks. I hope in this AU that Ace lives, but it was never stated so I don't know.

The idea that Buggy's crew knows about his illnesses/disabilities makes me feel that his followers would say he so strong to overcome them or we just talking about Buggy's crew from East Blue. Then yeah, those folks definitely know about his illnesses/disabilities.

Mihawk and Crocodile coming in without any knowledge and it took a battle to find out. I can see Buggy is nonchalantly about it as Mihawk did a doubletake when he said ‘Pardon?’ Crocodile did a doubletake too, because with those two didn’t know.

Once Crocodile and Mihawk know about what’s going on with Buggy, they see that the signs were always there. It’s just they didn’t paid attention to those signs, but they are.

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dark-lord-tom-returns · 1 year

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Ok, I need to talk about the Glass Onion but I need to do it without spoiling anything so this is going to sound absolutely unhinged. I apologize for nothing and you get it or you don't.

Glass Onion is a work of art. It's pure "it's about the journey not the destination." It's a love letter to those of us who grew up on Agatha Christie and Murder She Wrote (GNU Angela Lansbury). Here's why.

Knives Out was amazing. I'm typically pretty good at calling the plot of murder mysteries because, let's be honest, if they're written well, you can tell what happened by the end of the first act.

Knives Out played me like a fiddle. It was masterfully crafted. I knew Ransom swapped the meds but didn't realize Marta was actually innocent until the reveal. All the clues were there, but I had to rewatch to see it. It's a master work in subtlety and misdirection, and I was in awe of how well it played on the expectations of murder mystery fans.

Glass Onion is not that.

Glass Onion was a joke played on the armchair sherlocks types that murder mystery fans were let in on.

The killer was easy to pick out, the motive plain, execution lacking. But. That was the joke. The entire whodunit. The murderer wasn't clever he was an idiot. It was impulse. Improv. No plan of their own. A series of lucky breaks. Over and over and over.

The entire joke was "here's the killer, what was the master plan?" And there wasn't one. You couldn't guess the plan because there was never a plan. The only connection was impulse.

The armchair sherlocks, the people who like to pretend they can read people and don't get fooled by murder mysteries, they'll walk away and say "I knew how it all played out" No you didn't!

There was never a plan to begin with! There was a murderer presented to us on a silver platter! They tell you how and why! The entire reveal was just that they were a lucky idiot! You know the ending, you know the culprit, but there's no way to know the how because the killer didn't know until 5 minutes before it happened either.

And that's beautiful!

It took those of us who understand the genre on a nice drive through the scenery. The equivalent of a road trip with gorgeous views suddenly ending at the world's largest ball of earwax. It's a shovel to the face. It's absurdity. It makes perfect sense.

All the clues, all the information, start to finish right there in the open. Every tidbit laid out and if you knew what you were looking for you saw it. I found myself taking the mental notes. The pieces fit, ok they did that, that's why that was important, that's how this happened, but why? What was the point? What was the goal? And there wasn't one! Literally just improv! A complete subversion of murder mysteries. This was a movie solely about the journey, not the destination.

"Why did we come here?"

"Because it was a nice drive"

"But why here, to this?"

"Because we could"

#Glass Onion #Knives Out #look #this movie was a genuine delight #I am completely rabid for how artistically crafted this was

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steampunkforever · 5 months

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ALSO. i would like to officially request Fran and Braeden from Tapirs Hate Him

Been meaning to revise this script so that I can start showing agents now that both film worker strikes are over. Anyway it's a good script I need to revisit.

The Hunger Games:

Fran would win. Her penchant for lethal force (or at least threatening it) and show business means she's tailor made for a combination of the two.

Braeden would be mid pack I think. He'd backstab his was up for sure and then hide when his clique turns on him. Would die in the woods for sure though.

Nope:

Fran is confrontational enough she'd definitely die like the cinematographer. Trying to document Jean Jacket for a script or something.

Braeden would be fine because he never leaves his house and has bad posture.

The Thing:

As a strong leader Fran has the skills needed to defeat The Thing but is a little too self absorbed to notice that anythings wrong at first.

Braeden would die in the first 20 certifiably.

Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory:

In an ideal world Fran would rally the children and start executing Oompa Loompa's by firing squad, providing the strong disciplinary hand that these kids were missing in their family life and giving them a productive outlet for their misdirected energy.

Braeden would make an offensive joke and Wonka would drown him in the chocolate river

Saw:

Braeden would be dead in the bathroom.

Fran's trap would involve her insensitivity and her trap would involve knives to the back or nerve damage.

Any Slasher Movie:

Fran would definitely survive in Halloween. Braeden would fall for the ghost trick and die the exact same death.

Any Zombie Movie:

I think Shaun of the Dead would provide very different outcomes for Fran and Braeden even though they both would've been oblivious to the spread of the virus through self absorption and reclusive nature respectively. Braeden would have better chances of survival, as he would hunker down in his basement, but Fran would probably join the special forces in gunning down the zombies if she didn't get bit first.

#thank you!#I love hypothesizing about my projects #tapirs hate him

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echoing-gravity · 5 months

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In the double legacy Au how do the gods, montera or Camp react to percies legacy? Does he meet any Northa?

In the Magnus Chase series it's said that Children of Norse gods aren't "detectable" to monsters and gods UNTIL they die. And since Sally's a Legacy of LOKI one of the Norse gods most commonly associated with like misdirection and like avoiding traps (not counting the whole ''i invented the thing that finally caught me'' thing. Please keep nets away from the Jackson family. its like their only weakness. Also Loki being the inventor of nets might have something to do with how Percy was able to host that one Egyptian god, in that one side story, who ALSO invented nets, but that's off topic) the gods just have like, no fucking clue about it. As for the whole legacy of Venus, it's so far down the generational chain that it's barely even noticable, beyond the whole ''singing-charmspeak-siren-powers'' which Sally has basically forbidden/scared?(unintentionally) Percy into never using. By the time anyone (Zeus, Ares, or other ppl who don't like Percy) realizes that Sally's and therefore Percy's heritage is cross-pantheon he's already won the favor of like- ALL the greek minor gods -(did you know that their are over 3100 immortals in the greek-mythos idk how many of that number are gods, compared to like primordials, titans, nymps, giants, and naliads but like that numbers' HUGE)- when he turned down immortality, has the begrudgingly support of Nico's dad, and has like literally saved the world twice. They can't do anything to them without like starting a war. Zeus is like trigger-happy one second from zappo murdering Percy but he CANT because Percy is the Darling. Everyone likes him now, if Zeus were to harm Percy he would have not only both his brothers to deal with but also LITERALLY everyone (minus maybe Athena and Ares) would be out for his blood.

Percy himself doesn't even find out he's a legacy until like after son of Neptune when Venus, says some shit and then his mom tells him what's up after he, Bob, and friendly giant friend get rescued from Tartarus: Ice Age Addition. to help with the final battle. (Speaking of battle Sally helps fight in the battle against Kronos in book 5, with her Seax Knives!(i remembered what her viking weapons was called!))

I have this scene in my head where like Alex Ferrari or however their name is spelt, comes to camp half blood like- 2 weeks post Dirt Fite, because she was told that they need a legacy of loki to help them complete a quest and that legacy was at the camp. and he's arguing with annabeth something like-

"Why would there be a Legacy of Loki HERE?!?!!?!"

"idk, but that's what THEY said"

Percy overhears this and is like 'No.'

'no that is nOt HaPpEnInG'

No you are not taking my mom on a quest when she is 7 months pregnant with his unborn little sister. And ends up joining the quest and that's how they find out cuz Percy asked Alex

"what generation legacy?"

And Alex is like 'why does that matter's and Percy goes off 'cuz either the gods want to force HIS MOM on a quest or they want to take a newborn and... Like...NO!!!' NOT HAPPENING. Percy rage.exe happens, there might have been an earthquake. Alex points out that Percy can just go instead. Nico is also their and ends up tagging along. He is still mad about the whole Percy saving Nico via 'distracting him with a kiss and shoving him in the elevator' in Tartarus thing. (Percy has been avoiding the subject, but now can't cuz they are stuck on a quest together) shenanigans insue.

#double legacy sally jackson au #percy jackson #sally jackson #nico di angelo #Percys already proven he's trustworthy to a majority of ppl and I'm pretty sure eboth camps would fight the gods for him #As for most gods/ppl the most common reaction is 'yeah I can see it' or 'oohhhhh' or ''....so Percy being Percy? Makes sense.''#Or if it somehow turns into a reading the books story cuz I am a sucker for those 'haha Rebellious Streak??? U mean obedience streak right?#Also I don't recognize the word montera my brain is blanking. It is. in fact. 3am.

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440mxs-wife · 7 months

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Treasure Quest, Chapter 6: Consequences

Pairing: Captain Dean x Rhaya Payton (OFC, eventual) Other Characters: Sam Winchester, Jessica Winchester, Captain Keira, Ellen Harvelle, Lord Darius Payton, Lord Ashton Kane (OMC's) Carissa Payton, Darcy (OFC's).

Word Count: 4591

Warnings: Angst, Discussion of Feelings, Threats, Holding Hostage, Reunion, Scheming Stepmother, Annoying Fiancé

Series Summary: Rhaya Payton is the daughter of the governor of Ochana. She grew up listening to her father tell her stories of pirates and treasure maps. At a gala one night, her stepmother, Carissa, announces Rhaya’s engagement to Ashton Kane, a wealthy nobleman. Only problem is, no one checked with Rhaya first. After overhearing plans made by her fiancé, Rhaya decides to go on the run and stows away on Captain Dean’s ship. What will happen when he finds her?

This Chapter: Captain Dean and a few of his crew team up with a few of Captain Keira's crew with a plan to rescue Rhaya, who has been returned home. While her father is happy to see her home safe, her stepmother and fiancé have a plan of their own to make sure she doesn't take off again. Will Captain Dean arrive in time to save Rhaya and tell her of his feelings? We shall see....Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Locked up in Lucifer's office with no means of escape, Rhaya decided to put her time to good use and check out her surroundings. On the other side of the door, Lucifer and Ketch weren't paying much attention to her. They were too busy discussing what to do with her until the ship reached Ochana. She decided to take advantage of this fact and try a little misdirection. Her goal was to keep them away from the treasure, in case they caught wind of its location or its existence.

She walked over to Lucifer's desk with the stack of papers and maps he had strewn about and carefully leafed through them. Some of the maps were marked with shipping routes and ocean currents that were similar to what she'd memorized from The Shadow Pirate's map.

On one of the unfinished lines, Rhaya took the mapping pencil and extended the markings to lead Lucifer off track from the treasure. Satisfied with her endeavors, any items she used were returned to their rightful place on the desk, hopefully unnoticed by Lucifer.

Sometime in the twelve to fifteen hours after she was taken from Alcaria, Rhaya was finally moved out of Lucifer's office and into her own quarters. A room about 7 feet by 10 feet, enough space for a single cot and a hard wooden chair tucked under a desk, but not for much else. Her bag had been dumped out on the cot, left for her to reorganize after its contents had been examined for anything dangerous. With a heavy sigh, she set about the task of refolding her clothes and putting them in some sort of order.

She was sure that her dagger and a couple of her other knives were now the property of Red Dragon crewmembers. Can't be helped, she thought, but....maybe they didn't find everything. She felt around the inside and let out a small squeal when she found one of her blades she had hidden in a secret pocket sewn into her bag. At least she would have some protection, should anything worse come to pass, the mere thought of which caused her to shudder.

After organizing her small space, Rhaya sat on the edge of her bed, twirling her knife, while she tried to think of a way to escape. Once the ship docked in Ochana, there would be nothing to stop Carissa from declaring that the wedding should be held without further delay. Lord Darius would be unable to oppose his wife, regardless of however much he wanted to protect his daughter. Carissa and Lord Ashton would get their way, leaving Rhaya stuck in a loveless and miserable marriage. That is, until her husband got tired of her and followed through on his plans for her to meet with an "accident".

At least Captain Dean was in possession of the treasure map instead of Lord Ashton. Her heart clenched at the thought of her captain and how he must have felt when he learned she was missing. She could only imagine the emotions Dean would have gone through. Anger that she was taken from him through force by his enemies. Worry that she could be hurt or that he might not ever see her again. And possibly a bit of guilt that he wasn't there to protect her and keep her from being taken in the first place.

Rhaya felt tears brimming in her eyes, longing to reassure Dean that none of this was his fault. When she blinked they all escaped and silently slid down her face as she considered the situation she and Captain Dean were in. It wasn't fair that she was being forcibly transported back to Ochana to marry a man she would never love. She knew she would be used as a tool for political reasons. Or worse, paraded around on Lord Ashton's arm like nothing more than an accessory.

She craved a life of adventure, sailing on the open seas, not one where she floated among the gossip circles from one gala to the next. She wanted to spend her days with someone who valued her opinions, who listened to her ideas and who could calm her, merely with his presence. The only man who had so far met this criteria and the only one who ever would was Captain Dean. She only hoped to escape her prison or be rescued from it soon, so she could see him again and tell him.

***

Dean went back to his apartment above Harvelle's to grab his already-repacked bag, then headed towards the docks. He still wasn't completely convinced that this was the best course of action. It was in direct conflict with his instincts, which was to rescue his girl first, then go after the treasure. But Rhaya trusted Keira, so he agreed to do the same. He only hoped they would reach Ochana in time to stop any pending nuptials.

A small crowd had gathered at the docks to say their goodbyes to the few crew members making the journey to find treasure and to rescue Rhaya. In attendance on this voyage were Sam, Dr. Jimmy Novak, Benny, and Jack. The crew joining from The Aurora included Captain Keira, Donna, Jody, Charlie, and their healer, Rowena.

Off to one side, Sam and his wife were standing together, as Jessica fussed with the collar on her husband's shirt. She continued to fidget with it until Sam clasped his hands to hers until she stopped. He gave her a light chuckle and as soft smile. "Honey, it's all right. We'll be back before you know it, so try to worry too much, okay?"

Jessica placed her palms flat on Sam's chest, his hands still covering hers. "I'll try to keep the worrying to a minimum. Hurry back, though. I know you want to be here for when this little one makes an entrance into the world," she pointed out.

Sam moved one of his hands to rub her belly, then he leaned down and placed a kiss to it. "Hey, kiddo, I have to go away for a little bit, so don't give your momma too much trouble," he murmured. Jessica's fingers threaded through Sam's chestnut locks and when he stood up, her hand slipped down to rest against his cheek. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Sam. Go and find that treasure, so you can rescue Rhaya," Jess replied before giving him a lingering kiss.

Dean was securing the fasteners on his bag and tightening the straps when Ellen approached him. He looked up and gave her a half smile. "Hey, Ellen," he greeted her.

"Hey there, Dean. So. How long you gonna be gone for this time?" she asked.

He gave a final tug on the straps of one of his bags before slinging it over his shoulder. "Why, you wanna know what to tell Jo?" he wondered.

She shook her head. "Nope, I'm askin' so I know when I can stop worryin'. I know you're settin' out to finish what your father started," she guessed.

"How did you--" he blurted.

Ellen threw him a look that said, are you kidding? "People talk, Dean, and I'm a good listener. I also know you're headed to Ochana after that to go after your girl. Not gonna lie, though, I thought for sure you and my Joanna Beth would get married at some point," she remarked.

Dean nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know, and I'm real sorry that it didn't work out between us like that, but--"

Ellen interrupted him by putting a finger to his lips. "Listen, Dean, Jo's already a bit heartbroken that she's lost you, but she will eventually realize it was for the best. You can't help who you fall in love with. The heart wants what the heart wants, and I can tell yours wants Miss Payton."

He thought for a minute about his feelings towards Rhaya. Nights spent stargazing, telling each other stories about growing up, and the agonizing pain of losing a parent. Dean couldn't imagine a life without Rhaya in it, and he realized it wouldn't be much of one unless she was a part of it. "Yeah, you're right. It does want her, I-I mean I do as well," he admitted hoarsely.

"Then you've got to do everything in your power to make that happen. As long as she makes you happy, that's all that matters," she affirmed, giving his biceps a quick squeeze. "You take care now, and come back safe." She pulled him into a fierce hug. "Go get your girl," she whispered.

"Thank you," he replied. When they broke apart, Dean noticed that Keira was walking up to him. "Hey, Ellen, I want you to meet Captain Keira from The Aurora, she's Rhaya's best fr--er, sister. Keira's going to help us do what we need to do for this rescue mission. Keira, meet Ellen Harvelle, owner of Harvelle's and longtime family friend."

"Pleased to meet you, Ellen," Keira stuck out her hand and firmly shook Ellen's in greeting. "We have a wealth of experience between our two crews. That said, we should accomplish our mission in no time," she declared. She scanned the horizon and made mental notes of the weather conditions. "Sorry, Captain Dean, but I came over to tell you we should probably head out. The Dragon has more than half a day's head start on us. Sneaky bastards," she mumbled then gave Dean and Ellen a quick smile before heading to the dock.

Dean gave Ellen one final hug then picked up his other bag and rounded up his crew to board their ship. As they sailed away from the dock, everyone stood at the rail, waving to their family and loved ones. Those watching from onshore prayed for a safe and quick return, as well as success in their mission.

Jess hoped Sam would return in time to see their baby being born. Ellen held a soft spot for Dean and Sam, being John's sons, and loving him for so many years before losing him. Kelly worried for her son Jack, the youngest crew member, going into such a dangerous situation. Each one of the women may have only just met Rhaya, but they knew what she meant to each of their loved ones. As the ship set sail, the women huddled together, hoping all would go well and that everyone would return safely home..

***

Two days at sea have gone by, but it might as well have been two weeks for as slowly as the time has passed. Rhaya was mostly kept locked in her room, except for meals, and even then, she was confined to the Captain's Mess. Lucifer wasn't all that keen about letting her walk around the ship unaccompanied, and none of his crew wanted babysitting duty.

Whenever she did leave her quarters, Rhaya scanned her surroundings for possible escape opportunities. It was reaching the point at which she was considering sneaking overboard and taking her chances on the open sea. However, with the dangers lurking below the water's surface and the lack of land formations, she decided against it. The best she could do is bide her time until she reached Ochana. There were hiding places aplenty, to which she alone held the knowledge of their location, as long as she could slip away from the ship.

Unfortunately, this was not possible, since Connor and a small contingent of the governor's guards were waiting on the docks. They were sent to meet Lucifer's ship at the docks for diplomatic reasons, as well as to escort Rhaya to the mansion and her father. Upon her descent from the gangplank, Connor gave her a short bow. "Welcome home, Miss Payton," he greeted her warmly, then led her to the carriage that would take them to the mansion.

"Thank you, Connor. I suppose it's good to be home. I'm looking forward to seeing my father," she replied as she took her seat opposite the captain of the guards.

"I'm sure he is anxious to see you as well, Miss. He hasn't been quite himself since your disappearance," he mentioned.

Rhaya felt a pang of guilt at Connor's observation. "Yes, well, I hope he will soon forgive me, considering I have been safely returned," she murmured, staring at her hands folded in her lap.

"I believe all will be well as soon as he sees you for himself, Miss," Connor insisted.

The rest of the ride passed in silence, with Rhaya gazing out the carriage window. When they reached the mansion, Connor guided her through the kitchen. His reason for doing so was to cause as little fanfare as possible and not disrupt the day-to-day operations of the house. Secretly, Rhaya was thankful because it also minimized her chances of running into Carissa before seeing her father.

As she walked to the study, she wondered how her father would react when he sees her. Will he greet her with open arms and hold her close, not wanting to ever let her go? Will he be angry that she left without telling him? Or, worse yet, will he refuse to see her at all, ignoring her return? No, she told herself. Connor said he hasn't been himself since I left. I'm going to take it that he'll want to see me, she reasoned. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door to her father's study.

***

Lord Darius was in his study after dinner, trying to catch up on some paperwork. He was just about to sign his name on the document before him when he heard someone knock on his door. He dropped his pen on his desk in exasperation and barked, "I told you, I am extremely busy. I do not want to be disturbed!"

The door creaked open and he saw a head of strawberry-blond hair poking through. The head slowly lifted to reveal the chocolate eyes and wary smile of his missing, but now returned daughter. Lord Darius gradually rose from his chair, tears springing to his eyes. "Rhaya?" he whispered.

Rhaya opened the door wider and stepped through. "It's me, Papa. I'm home," she replied softly.

Lord Darius swiftly closed the distance between them and engulfed his daughter in his arms. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. I've missed you so much," he remarked.

Rhaya could feel the shoulder of her tunic getting wet and realized it was from her father's tears, which caused her own tears to fall. "I'm so sorry, Papa, for sneaking away like that," she sniffled.

Her father pulled back to gaze at his daughter, keeping his hold on her as if she'll disappear again if he were to release her. His hand cupped her cheek while his thumb brushed away her tears. "I know, sweetheart. Come, let's sit down over here and you can tell me about your travels," Darius coaxed. They walked over to the couch and sat down, facing each other and holding hands.

Rhaya told her father about sneaking out of her room and stowing away on The Black Diamond, where she met Captain Dean. She explained that they weren't on very good terms at first, but that she'd like to think of him now as her friend. She was about to tell him about "borrowing" the treasure map for The Shadow Pirate, when the door burst open, the doorknob banging into the opposite wall.

"Darius, you must have a talk with the head chef. He routinely ignores my every--" Carissa stopped short when she saw who sat next to her husband. Pasting a look of profound relief on her face, she rushed over to the couch. "Rhaya!" she exclaimed, pulling her stepdaughter into a tight hug. "You're finally home, safe and sound!" Though in Rhaya's ear she hissed, "If you ever pull a stunt like this again, I'll lock you in your room and forget where I've hidden the key." She stepped back, a beaming smile on her face in direct contrast to her irritation with the young girl.

"Now, what were you saying about the head chef, dear?" Lord Darius tried to diffuse the tension now growing between his wife and daughter.

Carissa waved her hand, her eyes never leaving Rhaya's face. "Oh, it wasn't that important Darius. So, Rhaya, tell us all about your terrible ordeal, being kidnapped on your engagement night," she drawled.

Before Rhaya could respond, someone else was barging into her father's study. He had a batch of papers in his hand, which he was reading as he walked and mumbling to himself. "Darius, I must speak with you about--" Ashton abruptly cut himself short. "Rhaya, my darling, you're back!" he gushed.

Rhaya rolled her eyes at his fake sentiment and held up her arms in protest to his attempt to embrace her. "Yes, Ashton. I'm home, I'm safe, no harm came to me. Right now, all I want is to take a long, luxurious bath and to wash my hair. Maybe something to eat afterwards, but I am definitely looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. So, if you will excuse me," she added as she attempted to side-step her unauthorized fiancé.

But Ashton was quicker. When she tried to walk past him, his hand shot out and grabbed her by the elbow. "Allow me to escort you to your chambers, my dearest," he gritted out, squeezing her arm in the process.

She winced at the pressure, but finally managed to wrench herself from his grasp. "That won't be necessary, I know how to get to my room," she retorted with a glare. She took two steps forward, then was met with someone she actually wanted to see. "Darcy," she breathed. "Oh, it's so good to see you again, my dearest friend." Leaning close, she whispered, "Please get me out of here before Ashton insists again on walking me to my room."

Darcy gave an imperceptible nod and sly grin to Rhaya before placing the folder from her hands onto the desk. "My apologies, Lord Darius, I was unaware that your daughter had returned. Will you need me for anything else, or may I accompany her to her room?" she asked.

The governor smiled warmly and assured her that her duties were completed for the day, and to assist Rhaya with whatever she needed. Darcy nodded and gave a slight bow before linking arms with her friend and leaving the room. "I have so much to tell you," Rhaya grinned.

Darcy returned her smile and quickened her pace. "There is much to discuss with you as well. Come on, let's get to your room where we can lock the door and speak in private," she muttered. At her suggestion, both ladies picked up their skirts and rushed to Rhaya's chambers, locking the door behind them. "Okay, now spill," she demanded.

***

Captain Dean stood at the ship's rail and gazed at the stars, same as he'd done countless nights before this one. The only difference was, on this night he stood alone, instead of having a beautiful woman by his side. The ship felt empty without her, and the days passed more slowly since he hadn't seen her smile. Even the nights seemed colder because it had been so long since he'd heard her laughter. "Sweetheart, if you can hear me, try to hold on. I'm coming to rescue you from Ashton. Just please don't marry him, Rhaya," he murmured to himself.

"E-Excuse me, Captain?" a voice from behind him sounded. Keira slowly walked up to where Dean was standing at the rail, his eyes turned skyward. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. I can go if--"

"No, it's fine, I don't mind the company," Dean cut in. "Whenever I can't sleep, I come up here to relax, look at the stars." He gestured towards a couple of crates for them to sit on while they conversed. "It's how Rhaya and I got to know each other a lot better," he chuckled ruefully.

"Yeah, I can imagine that. She was always interested in astronomy. It was one of her favorite subjects out of all the ones her tutors were there to teach. Chemistry was another big one, along with Literature, but Mathematics? Mmm, not so much," she giggled.

"She told me about her mom. S'another thing we have in common," he revealed. "My dad never remarried, so I don't know what it's like to have a stepmother. Ellen's pretty close, but Carissa sounds like a real doozy."

Keira rolled her eyes. "You have no idea. After I inherited my captaincy from the previous one on The Aurora, I came back to Ochana. I tried to convince Rhaya to pack a bag and leave with me, travel the world, have adventures we'd only dreamed about. But she couldn't, or probably more like wouldn't, leave her father alone with Carissa and all of her schemes. So I left, but I promised her that when I returned again, I would not leave without her."

"You're a good friend, Keira. How the hell did you two meet, anyway?" Dean wondered.

Keira laughed before launching in to the story. "Well, my mom worked for the kitchen staff, one of many sous-chefs. One day I was hanging around in the kitchen until they kicked me out, so I decided to wander the grounds. The estate had many trees that had been there for at least a hundred years or more, and I had found a favorite one. Used to love to sit under there and enjoy the sounds of nature, or read a book."

"Sounds peaceful," Dean commented.

She nodded. "One day, after they chased me out of the kitchen, I went out to my designated tree. I had just opened my book and found my place to start reading, when I heard a rustling above me. Lo and behold, it's Rhaya, trying to steady herself on the branch above me. I asked her what she was doing up there, but before she could answer, a couple of the governor's guards had shown up."

"Let me guess: they were looking for Rhaya, who was probably absent from some lesson," Dean surmised.

Keira chuckled warmly and nodded her head again. "You guessed it, she was on the run from her mathematics teacher. Remember I told you she didn't do so well in math? Well, that's because she ditched her lessons whenever she had the opportunity."

Now it was Dean's turn to laugh. "So what happened next?"

"The guards asked if I'd seen her. As I'm a bit of a mischief-maker, I told them nope, hadn't seen her at all. After they left, Rhaya made her way down to the ground, and thanked me for not snitching on her. Then we sat down under the tree, started talking and we've been thick as thieves ever since," she grinned.

"Well, Rhaya's lucky to have you. Most of the guys on my crew, I've been sailing with them for what seems like forever. They're the ones I brought with us on this mission, because I trust them with my life, and they trust me with theirs. This is too important to leave anything to chance," Dean affirmed.

Keira looked at Dean for a long few minutes, then tilted her head as if in confusion. "You love her. Don't you?"

A blush crept over Dean's cheeks, right to the tops of his ears. "What? I don't know who or what you're talking about." When Keira refused to look away, he hung his head and nodded sheepishly. "Okay, yes. I feel something for her. Not sure yet if it's love or not, but it's unlike anything I've ever felt for any other woman. You happy now that you know?" he snarked.

"Yup, I'm good. Between you and me, I'd be okay with the two of you together," she smirked. "Goodnight, Captain Dean!" she called over her shoulder as she walked back to her quarters.

"Great. Wonderful. I have her sister's blessing," he mumbled under his breath. "Goodnight, Captain Keira!" he replied as he shook his head, then returned to his own quarters.

***

After a fitful night's sleep, Rhaya was awakened at 8:00 a.m. for breakfast. She hoped it would only be her and her father at the table, at least for a little while. She wanted to tell him about what happened to her after she snuck out of her room, about her adventures with Dean. She needed her father to understand that she didn't want to marry Ashton because of how she felt about Dean.

As bad luck would have it, Carissa and Ashton were in attendance, thus throwing her plans out the window for a confessional with her father. The minute Rhaya crossed the threshold into the dining room, Ashton leapt from his chair to rush to her side. "Good morning, my gorgeous fiancée," he gushed. He reached for her hands only to have her pull them back at the last minute.

"I'm perfectly capable of finding my way to my chair at the breakfast table, Ashton, thank you," Rhaya noted coldly.

His lips pressed into a thin line as he bit back on making a comment. "So, dearest, what do you have planned for today?" he asked.

Carissa held up a finger to draw everyone's attention. "To answer your question, she is going wedding dress shopping today!" she exclaimed gleefully.

"But the wedding isn't for almost a year from now, Carissa. It's much too early to be dress shopping," Rhaya stated.

Carissa shared a look with Ashton, who turned to Lord Darius. "Excuse me, Darius, but there's a business matter I wish to discuss with you. If you're finished with your breakfast, may we take some time and go over it now?" Ashton pleaded.

Lord Darius checked his pocket watch and polished off the rest of his buttered toast. "I believe I have a few minutes before my first meeting," he nodded and rose from his chair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of Rhaya's head. "Come see me in my office when you have a few moments, love," he murmured before gesturing for Ashton to lead the way.

Once the men were gone, Rhaya turned to Carissa. "What exactly is going on, Stepmother?" she demanded.

Carissa took a leisurely sip of her morning tea before responding. "Do you honestly think I'm going to allow for you to have an almost year-long engagement? No. Your wedding will be happening two weeks from now, thus, today we will be choosing your wedding dress," she stated matter-of-factly.

Rhaya's fork clattered against her plate at the news. "T-two weeks from now?!? Is my father aware of this change?" she gasped.

"Your father will do what is best for you, and if I say getting married sooner is best, well, then," she trailed off.

"I will NOT marry Ashton Kane!" Rhaya shouted.

Carissa slammed her hand on the table. "ENOUGH! This decision is FINAL! You WILL present yourself for choosing a wedding gown or I will choose one for you," she seethed. After a few calming breaths, Carissa rose from her chair to leave the room to attend to other matters.

"You can't do this," Rhaya whispered.

As she passed by Rhaya, she leaned down close to her ear. "This wedding will happen, so you'd better get used to the idea. I suggest you don't fight me on this. Your mother got in my way and....well, we all know what happened with her." At her last comment, Carissa swept out of the room.

Rhaya stared at the table, her mouth hanging open in horror at this turn of events. She had considered this a possibility, that Carissa would move up the wedding date, but this? What am I going to do? she wondered as tears sprang to her eyes. She had to find a way to stop this wedding, or any sort of chance for a future with Captain Dean would be lost forever.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tags:

@janicho88 @yourelivingwrong @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @lyarr24 @hobby27 @deanwanddamons @jessica-noel94 @jensengirl83 @wayward-dreamer @idreamofplaid @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @winchesterprincessbride @ejlovespie @deandreamernp @emoryhemsworth @never--doubt @winchest09 @watermelonlipstick @makeadealwithdean @krazykelly @imherefordeanandbones @rooweighton @colereads @soaringeag1e @sams-sass @phoenixisred

#pirate!dean x ofc #pirate!dean au #treasure quest

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dangerous-advantage · 1 year

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istg the knives out franchise is literally made for people like me specifically. good at noticing and remembering details? have a wealth of random information that generally wouldn't even matter/be brought up? have a really specific understanding of certain things? knives out is for YOU

for example, in glass onion, there's a scene (semi-spoilers) where all of these characters are arriving onto a private island where they intend to spend the weekend. before boarding the boat, they were given "wristbands" that would give them access to their rooms.

miles (who owns the island) says that he color-coded them based on the different chakras, and one character loudly exclaims about how she was given the sacral chakra.

now, if you are a normal person, this might not mean much. but if you've spent time researching things for no real reason, you'll know the associations of the sacral chakra -- creativity, joy, and perhaps most applicable, sexuality.

birdie (the character who gets the sacral chakra) is miles' girlfriend. she's loud and dumb and flaunts her sexuality. the sacral chakra definitely fits her character.

but thats not all. its a misdirect.

while she's talking excitedly about getting the sacral chakra, we get a split-second glimpse of another character, whiskey, who was brought along as another characters' plus one.

and for just a moment, while birdie is still talking, we see her wristband flash green. the color of the heart chakra.

while i was already theorizing the existence of an affair between her and miles due to their greeting on the island and the necklace comment, that tiny detail was what made me go, "oh yeah. they're having an affair."

(side note: birdie is used later in the movie as a misdirect -- not so much as a red herring, but as cover. i's wager she's used a lot more to "cover up" things in the movie, but i'll need to do a few rewatches before i can say for sure. still though, very cool to see how this not only fits so artfully into her characterization, but also foreshadows her later misdirect!)

#i cannot stress how good these movies are if you havent seen them go watch them rn before i spoil them for you #also... birdie getting the one that deals specifically with sex? and how that relates to the superficiality of her and miles' relationship?#chef's KISS #i also tried to look at the other colors but my focus was taken by the heart chakra thing so i'm hoping they all have plot relevance #so when i revisit i can see how they tie into the plot/characters #knives out spoilers #glass onion knives out spoilers #glass onion spoilers #glass onion knives out #there is SO MUCH i could talk about here it is literally a film analyst or chronic overthinker's dream #tw long post #analysis #scene analysis #film analysis #knives out analysis

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spicyselfindulgentfandomstuff · 25 days

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Worked up & kinks for the ask game? 👀👀

- @catships777

Hii ty for the ask!! :))

———

Worked Up - what is your f/o like when turned on? Are they desperate, tense, barely restrained? How do they handle it?

Murdoc handles being turned on about the same as he handles every other feeling or emotion he has: misinformation and misdirection. He can’t STAND ppl knowing his true feelings on literally anything. This carries over to sex stuff too, at least in the early stages of knowing Emmett.

After he first escaped from prison but before he’d made the decision to abduct Emmett, he finally came to terms (as best he could) with the fact that he took romantic interest in them and genuinely cared about them.

Now this realization quickly evolved into an ever deepening obsession. He read up on every digital piece of information on Emmett out there, everything from medical records to their search history. Of course, he had no clue how to express his feelings to Emmett so he just. Kidnapped them, just to be around them again for a little while, before returning them to their apartment completely unharmed, if very confused!

During this stage of ambiguity, he often went to bed thinking about Emmett and how badly he wanted to fuck them. Of course, he acted as nonchalantly as possible the next time he saw them (read as, abducted them). Basically, his feelings regarding them, both romantic and sexual were kept under tight lock and key for quite a while before the two ever made any progress in their relationship…

Kinks - are you or your f/o kinky? What kinds of kinks do you and your f/o like?

Ohhhhh now THIS is a loaded question/vpos

Murdoc and Emmett are both very kinky, though Emmett is significantly less experienced than Murdoc with regards to anything sexual, let alone kink.

Murdoc often worried about scaring off Emmett completely, given his kinks and their inexperience in this area. He was sure they were vanilla as hell and already nervous about intimacy.

He was right about them being nervous about sex but he was most definitely wrong about them being vanilla. Emmett was in fact, very kinky and their kinks actually lined up pretty damn well with Murdoc’s, as he would eventually discover.

Murdoc loved to be in almost complete control and have a very submissive partner. And Emmett was very submissive and had a huge fearplay kink, something which Murdoc fed into gleefully. The more confident and experienced Emmett got with sex, the more comfortable he felt ramping it up a bit, eventually bringing knives and other more intense stuff into their sessions, much to Emmett’s excitement…

#i love you just a little too much: 18+#cw fearplay #cw knife play

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ordinaryschmuck · 1 year

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I want to talk about Knives Out and Glass Onion

Because f**k you, I want to talk about Knives Out and Glass Onion.

I cannot stress enough how much I loved these two movies in the way that they subverted the mystery genre while still playing to its key strengths.

Also...slight spoilers for both? You really can't talk about a mystery without giving away SOME spoilers, mainly because what makes them fun is seeing things with fresh eyes. Sure, if the characters are entertaining enough and the story is just as strong, you'll still have a fun time rewatching it or when you already know all the juicy details. But when it comes to the genre, the real fun comes from seeing what the mystery is and trying to solve it.

But when it comes to Knives Out and Glass Onion, both movies pretty much start out by telling you there is no mystery. At least, not at first.

With Knives Out, we see that someone died, but after some time, we get to see what happens. The truth is told to us and why the character would want to keep it secret, making everyone believe that the actual plot of the movie is about the mystery REMAINING a mystery. But as the story continues, some facts don't add up, and some stones are left unturned. It's then that we realize there IS a mystery. Not about what happened, but HOW it happened. We just weren't looking for it because we assumed that all the evidence was given to us when, in reality, there were clues everywhere, hidden in just plain sight.

Speaking of plain sight, that's what Glass Onion is about. Once again, we're initially told that there is no mystery. But, also once again, not at first. There is something to be solved, but the answer to it is so apparent that even the movie shows you how it happened in plain sight. Not only that but by the second act, we're told that there's another mystery. One that connects to the first by recontextualizing it and by giving new information we missed in the first act. Sure, it involves some retreading, but it's all for the sake of the mystery. I honestly don't think Glass Onion wouldn't have been as engaging the first time if it was plaid out with the audience knowing right away who a certain character was and why our fabulous detective Bennet Blanc was there. It'll be fun a second time now that you already know everything, but to leave an audience to solve a mystery for themselves, you can't give them all the clues at once. You got to take your time, show off the characters, present what they need to know, and when it's time for the big twist, the one that reveals the REAL mystery of the thriller, they'll be engaged now more than ever, and look more for what the big reveal could be. Even though, just like with the first mystery, the reveal is the simplest, easiest answer, and that's the point: We were looking for something complex when the truth was right in front of our eyes this entire time, and we couldn't see it. That is unless you're like me, and Scooby-Doo taught you to always look for the most obvious answer.

Yeah, as much as I adore these mysteries being well-written, I will admit that, almost right away, I knew who the culprit was. In both cases, it really was as obvious as the writers wanted you to think it was, but that's part of what makes Knives Out and Glass Onion so great. They show you the obvious answer but direct you away from it with great plots, better misdirections, and mildly entertaining characters.

Speaking of which, I adore Benet Blanc. You can tell the actor is having the time of his life in this role, and those kinds of performances make a character all the more likable.

And as for the movies themselves, if I had to pick which one I like more, it would be Knives Out. I adore Glass Onion and the message it tells, but Knives Out has a better structure and comedy. In Knives Out, the humor felt natural, whereas Glass Onion seemed to stretch its humor like a bad MCU movie.

Still, I love both of these movies, and if there’s ever a third one, you’d better believe that I’ll keep my eye out for it.

#knives out #glass onion

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mamamittens · 5 months

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Should be asleep, you know what that means!

Side note before the tangent for my OC for serotonin and rubber ducking, got the sketch done for my next December event piece. And work is almost optimistic about letting us out at a normal time again. We'll see if that holds... Tuesday traffic is the worst. Saw someone once peel onto the main street from a side road across the two lanes going the other direction to wildly swerve into the proper side of traffic, nearly run into the green covered median with a tree, wildly swerve and nearly hit a car, only to settle down in the far left lane line they didn't go about 20 miles too fast for that shit.... Thankfully traffic was light at the time and barely anyone on that particular road, but still!

Okay, so here's a hilarious fun fact about myself.

I'm actually quite scared of heights. Like, unimpeded heights get to me. I need solid walls and minimal contact with a window to feel comfy and looking down still wigs me out. And my fear response is actually freeze except under very specific conditions (if I know someone is fucking with me, that freeze turns into burning hate and I either explode or freeze to keep from catching a charge). I remember being on the... Lily pads??? In a water park and getting scared halfway and the guards having to help me get down cause I was in tears despite thinking I could handle it. Also nearly drowned in the wave pool cause I was dumb enough to park right under the guard chair near the end where the waves were biggest and was exhausted by the time it calmed down... Anyway!

Point being, it would be interesting to put that into a character. I often see fear presented in running away, misdirection, or pondering. Rarely do I get to see a character be afraid and emotional about it in a complicated way. Usually because I acknowledge that from an outside perspective it's really annoying if you're not invested in that fear. Like, do we really have time for the theatrics? Get over it already???

Where was I going with this??? Oh! Flying!

I thought it would be interesting to have Nikia fear heights! Being pretty timid in general, actually. Scared to take risks. So when she realizes her wings are growing so much so that she could fly shes so excited at first! But then when she goes to the updraft area to practice she's frozen. She can't move. She knows in theory she should be fine, even without her wings being big enough for independent flight, but it's still scary as hell.

So she chickens out and goes home incredibly upset. Possibly for days, barely eating because she just can't do it even though she really wants to. Ashamed, embarrassed, and angry at herself. Maybe it leads to a bonding moment with her pirate dad over fear and risks. Reassuring her and getting a glider to fly with her so she's not alone. And going back every time until she finally says it's okay if he stays behind.

He'd go in secret anyway, so damn proud that she's doing it despite being scared still. He'd likely drill flight and escape plans into her, aware that she's not totally safe from harm up there. Including the inspiration for her favorite takeout move of pretending to get hit, spinning 'out of control' and using it to take a pot shot at her attacker.

His crew would likely also teach her how to defend herself with something a little more personal. Haven't decided what exactly, but I like the idea of something that doesn't appear to be deadly or aggressive. Defensive in nature like a staff or fans. Something she can fidget with and carry easily. Possibly childish in nature due to reasons that I'll get into later. She may still have knives and a spare revolver on her person but that's more of a 'i need a permanent solution' type of deal. Her wings can also work in a pinch but she's reluctant to use them primarily because it's so hard to treat injuries on her wings due to their size. Does mean they hit very hard though.

Now, she really hates sparing because she doesn't believe in hurting people she loves. Sparing goes against that really hard because to learn you need to go all out at least at first. And it's just too anxiety inducing until someone suggests she treats it like a game. So she never gets worked up (she's slightly competitive despite trying not to be a sore loser whoops) to take it too far and finds her customer service voice creepy. Really comes off as sadistic, ngl

#mittens rambles #one piece oc #back on my bullshit

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sophieswundergarten · 1 year

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(tags from @nobody33333333)

Part three of Curtain living with the Benedicts!

Kate pesters him to no end about learning magic, and he keeps blowing her off and skirting the questions. After a few days of this, she tells the other kids (in great detail and with the utmost drama) how impressive his skills with the action figures were, and they agree that this would be fairly interesting to see, if he wasn't always so intimidating.

After S. Q. gets situated, he hears Kate talking to the others about her next plans to wear Curtain down, and remembers hearing her ask about it on his first day there.

S. Q.: "Wait, you want my dad to teach you magic?"

Kate: "Yes, I've been asking him for a while, but he keeps avoiding the question. I'm not sure why..."

(Constance mutters in the background "I would say he's embarrassed. Action figures and conjuring would be a new low, even for him.", before Reynie and Sticky shush her. "Be nice, he's still S. Q.'s dad.")

S. Q.: "Well, I don't know where he learned it, but I know a few card tricks. I could teach you, if you want? He taught me a couple of things when I was younger, and I used to practice a lot when he was busy, so I think I'm okay at it."

Kate, ecstatic to finally be getting somewhere: "Absolutely! I would love to learn from you, I bet you're so good at it."

She starts chattering about how excited she is to be learning some magic, and how great S. Q. is at this, and how she can't wait to show her dad. S. Q. is actually quite skilled, ironically, and has figured out how to incorporate his slightly awkward movements into misdirection. It takes Kate a bit longer to get it, since she's all about efficiency and is more focused on moving the cards than she is doing it subtly.

But she gets it eventually, and begins scheming on how to show off her new skills in her quest to get Curtain to teach her. One day, when most of the adults are out of the house, she corners him while he's making tea.

Kate: "Mr. Curtain! Or, uh, Dr. Curtain? I'm not sure how to refer to you. Anyways, look at what S. Q. taught me!"

Curtain, expecting to see some sort of art skill: "What is it, Miss Wetherall?"

Kate: [showing off her magic trick] "He said that you taught him some stuff, and so he taught me! Will you teach me the rest of your tricks now?"

Curtain, fully caught off guard that S. Q. learned something from him and valued the information enough to share it but struggling to hold onto his composure: "I suppose I might be inclined to share my skills. But why would I teach you? You have got to be one of the worst students I've ever seen."

Kate: "Because it's so cool! And the world should have more magic in it, and since you seem determined to be gloomy, I'll have to do it for you. And besides, you don't do anything fun with your magic anyway. Magic should have costumes and knives and doves and things. And glitter."

Curtain: "That is still not a good answer. I seriously doubt the world needs more glitter in it."

Kate, smiling innocently and about to put the tactic she learned from Constance to use: "Well, you could always teach me to make up for being the reason my dad abandoned me for the past ten years."

Curtain, now wholly regretting his decision to leave his room for tea: "Well, that is at least a better reason. [sighs in defeat] Meet me in the upstairs study down the hall tomorrow at two o'clock sharp, and I will teach you. Speak of this to no one."

Once Curtain has beat a hasty retreat to his locked room, Kate wastes no time in finding her friends to share her victory, and begins brainstorming ideas. ("We can be a trio, with him, me, and S. Q.! Or maybe just a duo act, then at least he can use his name for something. 'The Great Kate Weathermachine and Ledroptha Curtain', no that's too long. 'The Great Kate Weathermachine and her Mystical Assistant'. Or 'The Great Kate Wetherall and her Stormy Assistant', that one sounds better!")

#and s. q. politely thanks her but asserts that he does not want to be in any magic act #kate accepts this and beings working with constance on what kind of tricks they should do #although constance votes for a lot of tricks involving knives #and one that somehow incorporates acid #reynie and sticky watch for a few minutes before dragging s. q. off with them #“they're going to be at this a while”#milligan is of course overjoyed at kate's new hobby #and number two offers to make them matching costumes #mr. benedict smiles as hard as he can without passing out and just shrugs #“i think this will be good for you nathaniel. think of it as community service”#they also definitely find a way to use madge instead of a pigeon #mbs #the mysterious benedict society #mr. curtain #ld curtain #ledroptha curtain #kate wetherall #sq pedalian

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sleepymarmot · 1 year

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Glass Onion

Yes, I had been waiting for this movie for a while and dropped everything to watch it the day of release. What about it?

Liveblog

Is it bad that I’m already like “I want all of these people to die”? Well, maybe not Lionel I guess.

Lol a bit of sci-fi to justify the actors not wearing masks for the entire movie

Is the bad CGI robot some kind of Star Wars legacy? :D

Aww, poor Benoit Soo, one of the guests plans to murder the host for real, and invites a detective to frame another guest?

It’s been 30 minutes, can people start dying please (Not Andi though, that’d be uncool)

Love the scenery, and Craig’s outfit is nice

Cool shot where Andi has the same expression as the Mona Lisa

“This is reckless. And you’re gonna get somebody killed.”

Okay, so far we’ve established the motive for: Peg, Duke, Lionel, maybe Claire. What about Birdie? And the random guy hanging around? And Andi? Is Andi automatically disqualified because we saw her destroy the box? That could be a real alibi or a red herring.

Nooo, so awkward, I can’t watch this Oh, he did it on purpose, that makes it a bit less painful

Huh, he didn’t mention Andi in the monologue...

Oh good, exactly an hour into a murder mystery, someone finally died! Yes, yes, of course it was an attempt on Miles’ life, I thought we’ve already established he’s who everyone wants dead. Cool trick to keep Norton among the active cast, I thought it was weird for the most famous actor to play the victim. (It’s nice to see Norton again btw, I wondered a while ago why I hadn’t seen him in new movies recently.)

Lmao the lights! Now this is fun

Oh no, Andi! :(

Plot twist!! Well now he's responsible for an innocent woman’s death, that’s going to give him a motive to find the killer

This shit is wild

Hell yeah she’s alive!!!

Is she going to attack the Mona Lisa?..

I feel bad about the painting. The way this was framed as a triumphant moment has the same energy as that Tumblr post about destroying famous paintings because rich people like them.

Review

[Additional spoilers for Knives Out, The Last Jedi, Midsommar, and The Handmaiden]

The film takes too much time to get started. The characters are too flat to carry it until the plot actually launches. Only gets good after the plot twist. The secondhand embarrassment scenes are excruciating.

The plot: “rich people bad, the detective teams up with a pure-hearted woman of color and helps her win”, take two. Are they going to make a whole franchise out of this? Not a great foundation for murder mystery: just look for the most entitled white man and that’s your killer.

Benoit Blanc himself, though, is a good character to build a movie series around. A classic independent detective with a kind heart and a taste for adventure — I want to see more of him. Many people have said it already, but I want Blanc to replace Bond as Daniel Craig’s #1 role.

The biggest strength of the film were, of course, all of the clever and fun twists and reveals. As you can see from the liveblog, I was misdirected very successfully and loved it every time.

And now for the biggest flaw of Glass Onion in my eyes. Just like Knives Out, this film has an extremely fun outer layer wrapped around the heart that I find a genuine downer. Most of the shallow, annoying characters got off scot-free, and what was harmed the most in act 3 was an innocent painting. I’ve already seen The Last Jedi, I don’t really need the same ending scene as the Canto Bight storyline — except worse because the writer doesn’t see the difference between “rich asshole’s property” and “priceless piece of art”. Which is a bad enough take to see on Tumblr, but straight up baffling to encounter in a high budget movie, written by a professional filmmaker. (Amazing timing, though. How did they manage to release this not only in the middle of the Musk major meltdown/Twitter takeover but also soon after the Van Gogh soup discourse?)

In retrospect it also reminds me of a couple of other famous scenes with a female protagonist involved in destruction, and the comparison is not in Glass Onion’s favor. Midsommar also ends with the heroine and a huge symbolic fire, but it’s a horror/drama, and the event takes not only the lives of those caught in the fire but the soul of the heroine. The Handmaiden, on the other hand, features a scene of art destruction that is genuinely positive and cathartic, but the nature of art and the role it plays in human lives is radically different.

[Edited to add] I’ve seen people who liked the ending defend it by saying that people are more important than art. The thing is, if this were framed as the trolley problem — if destroying a priceless work of art were presented as the only way to save an unknown number of lives — I would feel differently. Instead, the film seems to want the viewer not to value the Mona Lisa just because the rich amoral characters do value it.

In a more Watsonian and practical sense, I don’t see how this is a win for Helen. She was the one who burned the painting. The fuel played only a minor part, the painting would have been destroyed just the same without it (in fact, that’s what expected Miles’ lighter to be for). But even if it were otherwise — okay, so this new fuel can easily cause a fire; well, so can electricity and gas if you’re not careful! Not great for PR of this specific product, but not a death sentence either. Most importantly, it’s the person who committed arson that will be charged for it, not the person who unwittingly provided the fuel for the fire.

I did have a good time, to be clear! Very worth watching unspoiled. The release was timed well: the overall lighthearted tone, clever twists, vibrant visuals (bright colors, stylish outfits, idyllic location) make this a good holiday movie.

I’m having trouble with a numerical grade (the worst part of IMDB and Letterboxd is that they make me care about grading, even though it doesn’t work with how I think about media at all). Glass Onion feels like a 7, but I gave Knives Out a 9 and they don’t feel two whole grades apart.

#glass onion #glass onion spoilers #blah blah blah

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hpdabbles · 2 years

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Your new story is awesome, Harry's out there creating his own life. Will Harry recognize Riddle as Voldemort? The theme is brilliant, people changing how the story was suppose to go is my favorite plot.

Harry is just about to pack up for the day when he noticed the man watching him. Well, a man was a bit of an exaggeration. If anything he looked about fourteen or fifteen.

He pretended he didn't notice him, carefully packaging his vases to safely transfer them through the forest's hidden tunnels.

If he checked on the knives hidden on his upper arm while he bent over the boxes well that was no one else business but his own. He doesn't know what the man wanted but if he meant him harm, then Harry wouldn't go down without a fight.

He may be overreacting no matter how intense the man's stare was it could have been just because he was dumbstruck by Harry's looks.

He got used to the stares. Harry never thought of himself as vain, but he wouldn't lie and claim this new body was unattractive. If he had looked like this in his old life, he would have made a killing as a child model.

Harry doesn't doubt that as soon as he finished puberty again he would be breathtaking. Secretly, as someone who always felt like he never quite looked alright, the idea of being that effortlessly beautiful was thrilling.

As it were, he had plenty of customers who were more interested in him than his product but Harry didn't mind. If it was good for business then that was all that mattered. He had the luck that his flowers could bloom whenever he wanted, but he still had to care for them and wait for them to grow. It was a lot of work and he wanted to get every coin he could for every hour spent.

He continued to close for the day, doing his best not to look at the man. He knew he was there because the heavy gaze never left his back. By the time he was ready to set out, the sun was just about to set, and the man had yet to move.

Harry concludes the man is another person who thinks him a non-human and was trying to follow him back. As much as the rumors are annoying as they are amusing Harry can't allow them to rest. He knows that in a world where fact-checking was a lot harder to do, rumors are a good means of misdirecting people's attention.

If he wanted to prepare for war, he needed to make sure that his plans weren't discovered until he was ready for them to be. Right now, Harry didn't even know how to wield a sword and if it came down to it, the emperor would easily have his knights execute him for high treason.

It's why he made the effort of mapping out all the hidden tunnels and clear them out before he even attempted to sell his flowers in the market. The back entrance built for the annex was forgotten because it was an underground labyrinth built right under the forest surrounding the castle and being the border between the commoner section of the capital. Harry theorizes it was originally built as an emergency exit and now it worked as a means for him to disappear when being trailed.

Harry carefully pushed his cart along aware the teenager watching him kept him in eyesight. He flickered his eyes to the windows he passed by, watching the teenager's reflection a few feet behind him.

He was handsome, in an almost perfect way. Something about his beauty set warning bells off in Harry's head. The same way a frog's skin could be colorful in a warning.

He walked faster, smiling at the town people that spotted him, even making a young girl of ten blush as he nodded his head at her.

Harry made it to the forest, and then he ran. Distantly he hears hiss swear but Harry, made a shaper turn over a cliff, sliding down the hidden pathway and placing some well-needed distance between them.

He didn't care that his flowers almost fell out of his cart, that the rope he was tugging them with burned in his hands, or that he really should start to exercise more since his legs were starting to burn.

All that mattered was that he got to the fake tree, where the entrance to the lake tunnel is located, before the teenager following him caught up. Harry barely made it, pushing the right branch down, which tugged the fake tree bark up and he slipped in. He just reset the bark, peaking out through a small crack when the teenager burst into the opening, panting heavily and looking around wildly.

The reflections had not done the other justice. He was handsome, with dark hair, dark eyes, and a wicked smile when he realized he lost track of Harry. He threw his head back and laughed, seemingly so amused that Harry wondered if he was insane.

"He got away!" The teenager said what appeared to be air but much to Harry's shock a snake rose out of his shirt collar to scoff.

"Of course he did! You were barely hunting this time." The snake said. It sounded like she, maybe a woman of a young age, as she tasted the air. "He got away. I can't find a single trail."

"He knew I was following him. He knew it. And yet he was able to " The teenager said sounding...oldy excited. Harry felt his lips twitch, despite himself he thought the other was...cute. They would be the same age if Harry had been reborn at his correct age which was still hard to adjust to waking as four years younger. "I think I just found someone perfect for the open position of my husband."

"Tom Riddle, you know very well that you are already engaged." The snake scolded and the teenager huffed. Harry smother a snicker, founding the whole scene strange enough it was humorous.

"Only since my fool of a father insisted. But I'm sure that won't be a problem for long." He waved his hand and a vase Harry hadn't realized he had dropped, repaired itself from the shattered remains and then flew into his hands. "I'll find a way to rid myself of the useless fiancé and then I'll court this...florist."

"Court him? Why would you do that?"

"Teleportation magic is very advanced and if he can do it at his age, then he will be a great asset. Besides, he is as pretty as the flowers."

"All roses have thrones, Tom. This one won't hesitate to poison if he thinks he needs to. He has the taste of a predator"

"Even better."

"Tom, you are his prey"

"Nagini that is the reason this will be quite entertaining."

The blood in Harry's veins ran cold, erasing all humor in seconds. There was only one snake named Nagini that Harry knew of in this world.

The snake is familiar with the emperor.

But nowhere in the novel was it mentioned that Nagini could speak nor that the emperor was a boy named Tom Riddle. Maybe...she belong to the boy before Emperor Voldemort murdered him?

He was obvious magic, and the Emperor would eventually go on a crusade as a means to disguise his human experimentation on the magic users.

This Tom Riddle could have been one of the first, if not, the first to fall victim to Voldemort.

He watched the snake and the human bicker between themselves as the teenager left. In his arms was the green glass vase that Harry had secretly wanted to keep to himself due to the snake curling around the lion design that he got from a traveling merchant.

Just as Tom disappeared Harry swore to himself that he would protect him from Voldemort .

#Hpdabbles #Harry Potter #Reborn as the Villan's Fiance #Part 3 #Harry Potter/Tom Riddle #mistaken identity #Harry thinks he needs to save Tom from himself #Tom is planning Harry's murder #Nagini is just the tired older sister #They are both young

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