said this and immediately got a visual migraine T_T

I forgot how easy listening to a singular song on repeat makes writing.

THE REMARK DOES DRAW A LAUGH OUT OF THEM, although it is rather short & sharp, the sort that isn't exactly easy on the ears. Nonetheless, it is also something that is rare to hear from them, considering there is little to find amusing in the swipe of a brush on a canvas or the day-to-day goings-on of their life aside from the art they have dedicated their time to creating.

( few people can make them laugh at all, these days. )

❝You aren't exactly predictable yourself, Heizou.❞ Arakan comments, a shake of the head accompanying their words & the slight smile that remains on their lips, as if he has lightened the burden of being awake in the morning by some amount, no matter how slight. ❝Let it be known that when I do end up killing someone, you've predicted the future.❞

Their words lack any serious tone to them, drawled in such a way that one would be hard-pressed to find them to be anything other than sardonic. Arakan wouldn't put it past him to find some deeper meaning in them, however.

❝Maybe you need to try committing murder if your morning is that busy.❞ They murmur eventually, shrugging their shoulders as if to signal that it wouldn't be a big deal if he were to, although they doubt he would take their suggestion even if it turned out to be a serious one. ❝I'll head to the store on my own later, I'd rather not trouble you to join me.❞

It would be unkind, after all, to expect the other to take time out of an already busy day to join them as they roamed a store searching for the perfect blend of tea to suit whatever mood they're in by the time they get there. It was also unnecessary, despite their complaint at the lack of tea, to make it an outing between friends simply to go & buy some more.

❝I hope they aren't overworking you too much, if it's to do with your job. Although, if you need a few people to disappear...❞

" I dunno! You're pretty unpredictable Arakan.  Figured I'd feel out what every possibility with  my question. "

He shrugged his shoulders, though his question hadn't been all too  serious. But he also wouldn't want to imagine himself being on their hit list for something as stupid as this. Obviously the best course of  action is to off them some kind of solution or at least try to. But he  was never the most likeable person according to his boss. Most  found him too annoying to deal with. His little brother on the other  hand was great with people. 

" If it's tea that you want, then we can easily just run to the store and grab you some. My morning has been annoyingly busy though. "

Heizou was ready for people at his job to stop relying on him to do all the work while they slack off. He can hardly get home on time because of it!

THE NORMAL THAT ONCE EXISTED IS NOT ONE HE WISHES TO RETURN TO, travelling the stars without an end in sight or a purpose that could easily be found. At least now, there is a reason he carries out his tasks dutifully rather than living in a limbo where he refused to leave his sister's side out of the same worry that she offers him now.

( it will never end, he doesn't say. not until one of us is gone & this world has either burned to the ground or been saved from its fate. )

The smile painted on his lips falls into something far more sad than it is angry, as if her words have caused him pain — as if they have caused the grief that has festered within his chest to overwhelm him for only a moment. She misses him, she says, & Aether does not allow himself to snap back at her, to make it clear that he has had five centuries to miss her & he cannot rid himself of the way it aches in his soul.

He does not want to miss her. He isn't sure deserves to.

❝This won't last forever.❞ Aether speaks, voice almost impossibly quiet, as if he doesn't quite believe his own words — he knows far better than this; he knows that they are fated to have their ties severed by this world, for if Teyvat is not razed to ashes, it would be only because Aether was no longer standing. The destruction of this world, a stolen & false place, was it's only fate & it would face judgement at his hands & no one else's.

Only after it had fallen would Aether return to Lumine's side to travel the stars in the sky once more. If she allowed him to, that was.

❝I'm taking care of myself, there's no need to worry.❞ His reassurance is empty, a lie that he tells her to try & make her feel better. He has never liked to accept her worry & he has never enjoyed her anguish, especially when he is the cause of it. It does no harm to tell her he's fine, to omit his sleepless nights spent staring at the sky & wondering whether she was alright, to neglect to mention that he once felt the way she does now.

His own journey had been one he walked nearly alone, with a single companion in tow, before the truth of the world had swallowed him whole & that friend had become a person he turned his back on. Just as he had turned it on his sister. Just as he had turned it on the divine.

❝At the end of your journey, we'll reunite. Everything will go back to the way it was once you see this world for what it is.❞ If she understands it as he does, if she sees his reason & accepts it, then there will be nothing to keep them apart any longer. ❝I miss you too, but you have a lot left to learn. At the end of your journey, our paths will converge. I promise.❞

Just as quickly as that HOPE had risen, as he finally meets her gaze for the first time in what felt like DECADES, it deflates and withers away. Foolishly, she had thought -- PRAYED -- that were he to see the PAIN he causes her reflected upon her tear stained visage, mayhap he would consider coming back to her, and if he couldn't . . . just a SLITHER of mercy would be all she needed to press on.

Something, anything, to let her know that what she fought for ( to be back at his side, inseparable again ) was not as impossible a feat as it had felt since she had first returned to consciousness WITHOUT him.

Finding the strength to step forward, she clutches her chest as it STINGS with that added rejection. " --- but when will it end ?! It pains me not knowing if you are OKAY. If you are eating, sleeping, taking care of yourself . . . I just . . . "

--- and what about HERSELF ? Out here, cleaning up Teyvat's many, MANY self erected messes, turned into a SAVIOR, of sorts, that EVERYONE did not hesitate to turn to for matters as small as a delivery, to as large as a false God threatening mass manipulation and destruction.

All of this, just so she could have her brother back.

" . . . I just want my brother back. I just want things to go back to NORMAL, Aether ! I MISS you ! "

Do you miss me? Do I ever cross your mind ? Do you ever wonder where I am, what I am doing ? If I am TRULY okay without you ?

unprompted asks // always accepting // @astrcls. dan heng has had a great many unpleasant nightmares in his days, but none of them have ever been half as unpleasant as this: his lifelong adversary, seated across the table from him, waiting patiently for him to make any sort of attempt at returning the casual conversation he'd struck up moments ago. except ... he doesn't quite look like blade: his hair is white; his face is older. it all feels like a cruel trick. ( dan heng glances down at the cup of warm milk and honey set before him. he briefly considers drinking it --- if it's poisoned, it'll make for a quick end --- but then his stomach does an unpleasant somersault, and he realizes with great dismay that he'd never have a hope of keeping it down long enough for the poison to work, and he's not quite so unhappy that he'd choose protracted torment for himself. he's already had his fill of that in years past. ) "fuck," he croaks, doubling over, "am i ... what sort of sick joke is this ... ? this ... isn't real. none of this is real. it's impossible ... " [ for yingxing in his 3.2 verse ! dh is having a wholeass Crisis(tm) ]

& THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE HE HAD ONCE ENVISIONED — not this time devoid of those he once loved, created by Dan Feng's grief ( flowing like the waters of scalegorge ) or perhaps it was Jingliu ( glacial, unkind, a far cry from the person Yingxing remembered ) that had driven what became of him: a weapon, a monster, he doesn't quite know.

Jing Yuan had used neither word when answering his questions, yet he can see the sadness in his eyes when he lingers a little too long on him or Dan Heng ( as a past lover now calls himself ) & Yingxing doesn't quite know what to make of it.

Even Jing Yuan is no longer reminiscent of who he once was, far too tired & old to be reconciled with the once-energetic man who always sought to impress & protect those he held dear. Nowadays, he regales tragic tales of once-friends now-strangers that Yingxing could only wish were false. Jing Yuan does not mention Baiheng in his tales. Yingxing does not need to ask why.

( how funny it is for the ray of light to have gone dark & for people who were once close to become fractured by a sin that he is uncertain was necessary at all. )

Now, as he sits here across from Dan Heng ( a familiar face, a reminder of someone he misses deeply ) Yingxing is uncertain whether he should have insisted on meeting the newest incarnation of Dan Feng or if he should have listened to Jing Yuan's advice when he had maintained that some distance would be for the best. His new companion seems far too nervous around him for it to be comfortable & Yingxing isn't exactly at a loss as to why.

Nor does he know how to seem like a warmer person, considering he rarely had spared anyone time who he didn't deem to be an important figure in Baiheng's life or simply far too pretty for him to stay away.

❝Few things are impossible.❞ Yingxing states as kindly as possible, his lips pressed into a thin line as his eyes take in the other's demeanour, attempting to figure out how he could offer any sort of comfort at all. ❝You don't need to be so wary of me, you know? I'm only curious about what became of my tiánxīn, I'm not going to eat you.❞

He wonders, briefly, if seeing gentleness from him is what scared Dan Heng in the first place.

❝Jing Yuan told me you may not want to see me, with... whatever our current relationship is, but I'd at least thought you'd give me a chance, high elder.❞ The way he addresses the other is a habit that Yingxing had picked up long ago. He doesn't remember when he began to call Dan Feng by his title to his face, although it was not designed to be anything other than playful.

For a moment, he had forgotten entirely that Dan Heng no longer carries such a title; that it had been stolen from him centuries ago.

❝Tell me about yourself, Dan Heng, so that I may learn of what the future holds for someone I love dearly.❞ After all, he does not need to ask what became of Jing Yuan, who has kindly kept him close yet at arm's length all the same. It is Dan Feng he worries for, or more so the person he has left behind, for the person before him is not the same as his love. That doesn't mean, in the end, that they cannot be friends.

Until he must return to his own time, getting along with Dan Heng would be preferable.

Reblog if it is totally, 100% fine to send anonymous comments to your muse pertaining to the events in your RP

( originally by imlostinthesnow, archived here)

'i love you' prompts i love you isn't always said with those three words.

'hey, you feeling okay?' 'did you get enough sleep?' 'i can get that for you.' 'how was your day?' 'you don't have to if you don't want to.' 'i'll make you something.' 'get some rest, okay?' 'go ahead and get it. it's on me.' 'you make me smile.' 'i'm not going anywhere.' 'do you want a hug?' 'want to talk about it?' 'take care of yourself for me, okay?' 'you want me to get it?' 'i'll get you some water.' 'how about we grab a blanket and binge a show?' 'you don't have to talk if you don't want to.' 'you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.' 'it's up to you. your choice.' 'don't worry about it. my treat.' 'yeah, i remembered.' 'don't worry, i got it.' 'get behind me.' 'how about some fresh air?' 'these were the kind you like, right?' 'get whatever you want.''i'm right behind you.' 'i won't go unless you want me to.' 'i promise.' 'i'm not giving up on you.' 'i'm so proud of you.' 'you can do this.' 'i believe in you.' 'hey, keep your chin up.' 'take care of yourself, okay?' 'i've got all night free.' 'your shoulders are tight. want me to give you a massage?' 'i got all your favorite snacks.' 'i'd follow you anywhere.' 'hey, it's your favorite song.' 'you're never a burden.' 'i've got your back.' 'it's okay to cry.' 'hey, hey, hey, it's okay. i've got you.' 'i'm not going anywhere, i promise.' 'take my jacket. you look cold.' 'you matter.' 'you won't lose me.' 'if you're tired, go to sleep. don't worry about me.' 'i missed you.' 'don't talk about yourself like that.' 'i'm right here.' 'be careful, okay?' 'just lean on me.'

WHAT GHOST HAUNTS YOU?

the ghost of vengeance.

you ache for revenge and little else. red paints your vision, and it has grown so thick that it has grown so hard to see. somewhere within your ribs is a child longing for comfort again. you will never let them see the light of day. for now, there is blood on your hands and your teeth. before you were a human, you were an omen with a heart constructed of thorns. when audre lorde wrote, “i feel it’s my anger that helped keep me alive.” when ashe vernon wrote, “isn’t this rage so ugly? and isn’t it mine, still? good god, isn’t it mine?” you will never find peace within your own anger, but you bathe in it anyway. the way you always have.

tagged by: no one, stole it from the dash. tagging: @apocryphis @roleplay-abiogenesis2 & anyone else who wants to do it.

canon questionnaire // accepting. @resolutepath // How did you get into this franchise/fandom? & What’s the best thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.? [ hoyoverse ]

I got into genshin after seeing a lot of stuff about it online, in particular a lot of Zhongli's questline and quotes. I originally started playing because he seemed interesting and I liked his voice, but I kept playing because I really enjoyed the stories and the characters. & I started playing HSR shortly after it came out because the character designs were immaculate and I wanted to see what it was like because space-themed games really get me.

The best thing about both games would be their stories. I really enjoy the main stories because they're very captivating and never hesitate to put a focus on other characters rather than just the mc / playable one. Well, the story and Dainsleif in genshin's case because that man is just very cool and I can't wait for him to show up with more lore again eventually.

Overall, the story and the characters are always my favourite parts of a series. The gameplay for HSR is also pretty fun, although I'm not necessarily a fan of building characters in either game (too much brainpower required) or the exploration in genshin, simply because it's very time consuming and half the time I can't figure out the puzzles. That doesn't mean it's bad, it's just not for me, and I'm more than happy to play for the lore and such either way.

canon questionare.

questions best asked for those who portray canon characters, and for those who’d like to get to know the author behind said canons better.

What made you pick up this character?

How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

What’s the best thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.?

What’s the worst thing about the show/series/books/comics/etc.?

What’s the best thing about the fandom?

What’s the worst thing about the fandom?

What’s the best thing about the canon you are writing?

What’s the worst thing about the canon you are writing?

Have you tweaked the character from canon? If so, what did you tweak?

Would you say that your portrayal is canon divergent or not? 

Are there some things you dislike about how the show/series/etc. portray the character you have picked up? If so, what?

What would you say is the most unique trait about your character?

Are there any other characters from the franchise you’d like to play?

Are there some characters from the franchise you can’t stand? 

What are your thoughts on the canon ships for the character, if any?

What is your personal ship bias for your canon character?

Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?

How long have you been writing the character?

Should people get into the franchise your writing from, yes or no?

If you could sum up your character with one sentence, what would it be?

Which song do you feel describes your character the most and why?

THE INCESSANT WORRY IN HIS HEART IS NOTHING THAT WARRANTS APOLOGY, especially when Kazuha does not ask for it nor commands it. It is Ayato who cannot help but be concerned for the safety of his closest friends — even if he knows that Kazuha is capable of defending himself, concern will always occupy a space in his mind for those he holds close.

( even if he must maintain distance. even if his heart must rot in his chest. )

He does not miss the way Kazuha almost reaches out, albeit he does not comment on it. There would be no point to mention relics of a past that would be better off with a headstone than to be put on show once more. He does not miss the way the other tries to reassure him that everything is alright, even when Ayato is sure that trouble follows Kazuha like a shadow & danger has been the other's closest friend for years on end.

He does not have a chance to mention this, for Kazuha's next words cause him to come to a standstill, any previous idea of how to respond to his assurances vanishing from his mind as confusion takes their place instead. It is hardly noticeable, accompanied only by the way his lips press into a thin line & the slight furrow of his brow.

❝What I know of the fall of our clans...?❞ He murmurs & it is not meant to be heard, merely a repetition to himself as if he would understand Kazuha's reasons for asking such a question first. ❝I can't see what information this person may have had that I don't already know.❞ That I haven't already told you goes unsaid, a certainty beneath his skin that Kazuha understands he would not have kept anything concerning those events a secret from him.

( there are more than enough secrets between them already. )

❝It was the result of generations of resentment that lead to a rampage by the head of the Hyakume clan, which the heads of our clans at the time stopped.❞ Even if it was unfortunate that the only way to end the rampage of another was through killing, Ayato could not say history had unfolded in a way that was unexpected. After all, bitterness could cause even the strongest to snap & go into such a rage, & to bring a person back from it was a difficult task.

Yet, he wonders just what story the person Kazuha had encountered must have had for his friend to bring up that past now.

❝That resentment was borne of an anger toward the shogun herself, and her perceived indifference, following the furnace incident in Tatarasuna several centuries before.❞ & it was a tragic tale, one he had relayed without being present, if only because the truth of ages past was better discovered by oneself than told like a story. ❝In the end, this lead to the collapse of both our clans, although the Kamisato clan fared far better than the Kaedehara clan.❞

( yet it had not recovered fully until recent years. yet the past still haunted it so. )

❝I assume you're not asking this because you've suddenly forgotten the history of our families.❞ There must be more than a curiosity, than wondering if Ayato had told the entire truth, to lead to Kazuha asking him to recall what he knew on the subject. He turns away, gaze no longer quite so focused on his friend but on the room around them.

❝Whatever this person knows, I'm sure it must be interesting. If you wish to tell me, my full attention is yours. I'm only glad that whoever they are, that this person doesn't mean you any harm for the time being.❞ I only wish for your safety. As I do Ayaka's. As I do Thoma's. Ayato does not voice his concerns for there is no reason to.

He has shown enough worry for today, any more would surely be an unnecessary display & imply a lack of trust.

Kazuha does not, in fact, have to be so formal; but an exile and the desire to protect a friend have forced distance between them, led the heir of the Kaedehara clan to only refer to his old comrade as Commissioner Kamisato in public, and... it feels ridiculous in its own right. So, Kazuha sometimes chooses to take it on a lighter note, to poke fun at a situation that, really, is not fun at all. Sometimes, he is reminded that Ayato only moderately appreciates the strange, caustic sense of humour Kazuha has developed on the roads. Fair enough.

Although, as Kazuha quickly comes to realise, the formality is not the only thing that seemingly weighs on Ayato's mind - while the extended invitation is nothing new (but as appreciated as it had been on the first day it had been issued - Kazuha thanks him with a grateful nod), the almost curt concern and the way he cuts to the chase is. Not even the ever affable samurai is able to hide the surprise that momentarily disturbs his expression; until realisation and clarity settles it again. Ah. This is what this is about, then.

Even with crimson eyes turned towards the garden outside, he can feel Ayato's scrutinising gaze on him, expectant, worried - he does nothing to substract himself to this scrutiny. Despite what he may accidentally lead a passing spectator to believe, he takes no pleasure in troubling his friend (a pang of guilt always nested in his chest when reminded how often he fails at reassuring him, he who carries too many burdens on his shoulders already) - therefore, scrutiny, and accountability, are never to be denied or disputed. It's the least he owes him, after all.

"It seems I bring you much cause to worry, my friend. I'm sorry about that." Instinctively, Kazuha almost reaches to place a reassuring hand on Ayato's forearm; before his mind holds back, reminds him of the tides of time and old habits changed. His hand falls back to the table, instead grazing against the soup Ayato had so kindly brought back. A small smile lifts the corner of his lips. Some other things never change. "But let me assure you, with utmost sincerity, that despite what your men may have seen in Ritou, I am not in any trouble or danger. In fact, the past few weeks have been amongst the most peaceful I have experienced in quite a long time."

That much assurance, he can at least offer him. "But, you are correct. What I have to say is related to this... rather puzzling encounter." Smile falters, giving way to pensive contemplation. "This person accosted me, claiming to have knowledge to impart about the Kaedehara clan's history. As you can imagine, I was quite puzzled at first, but the more they spoke..." Soft-spoken voice trails off, stops for a moment; before Kazuha looks up to seek Ayato's gaze. "Ayato, what do you remember of the fall of our clans? Of the reasons that brought upon their downfall, around the generation of my great-grandfather and the former leader of the Kamisato clan?"

& PERHAPS IT IS BETTER TO LEAVE MEMORIES IN THE PAST — to allow them to be frozen moments that could only be touched upon for a brief moment lest they freeze one's hand, or to let the rain wash them away entirely until loss is no longer a part of his heart that he must learn to live with. Ayato cannot fault Kazuha for wanting to let go of the past, no matter how he would prefer to hold onto it.

( the past is precious, for those who no longer live within the present would be forever encapsulated in memory. )

Perhaps remembrance in itself had not been what condemned Inazuma to instability in the face of eternity, but a refusal to move on from precious memories — it had been the will of their archon that eternity remained unchanging, a memorial to all that once was. To keep the world at a stand-still was not feasible & no person could remain the same, no matter how much one wished otherwise.

( both of them have changed. both of them had no other choice. )

For as much as Ayato missed the person he once was & the closeness that once existed between the two of them, he would not wish for the past to become the present once more. He would not will for the two of them to go back to who they used to be, for to do so would be to disregard the experiences that had shaped who they were now.

Yet that did not mean he couldn't look back on those days with fondness & miss them. That did not mean they were so easily let go of in the face of the present.

❝Perhaps so.❞ Ayato says & it almost sounds like an agreement, the sort of which he expects to be taken at face value without any questions about his thoughts. While Kazuha is not like everyone else in his life, there is no reason for him to dig any deeper into Ayato's thoughts concerning what had actually lead Inazuma to become a graveyard for vision holders & dreams of a future that the shogun refused to allow.

After all, there was no future without change. There was no past without reminiscence. Some days, he wonders how much longer he can toe the line between living in the present & dreaming of the past. Some days, he doesn't want to find out.

❝There's no point in reminiscing, after all, if you do nothing else.❞ & it is an odd contradiction: to not long for the past to repeat itself while missing what existed within it — to forgo one's own safety for stability, whilst knowing that it is instability that brings change. Whether that change is a good thing or not, no one could say until it was enacted, but preservation of days long gone was rarely a kindness.

❝Although you don't need to be concerned. I've no plans to live in my memories, regardless of whether I miss those days.❞ & he wonders if he has gotten to the crux of the issue: that Kazuha is, perhaps, concerned about him. That he worries Ayato is incapable of moving on from their shared childhood & friendship.

( in a way, that past has shaped him more than he would like. once, he had wanted for nothing but to spend time with his loved ones. now, he still wishes for that same thing, but his own choices render it difficult & nigh impossible most days. )

❝Creating new memories is for the best. It's... preferred, as opposed to holding on to those we once shared.❞ & yet, Ayato cannot help but feel a sadness at letting go of the past, for they were happier people back then. He did not shy away from touch when he was far younger nor did he struggle to genuinely connect with others — the former the more recent development of the two, for he had learned quickly to adapt into a deceiver if only for self-preservation.

( he had learned to keep his cards so close to his chest that he didn't know how to show them to another person at all. )

❝I wouldn't call you selfish for this, either, but you have nothing to make up for. Your absence wasn't one of choice, you & I know that well.❞ After all, if Kazuha had remained within Inazuma, he certainly would not be standing in front of Ayato in this moment. ❝As you said, we've spent far too much time in remembrance, so don't dwell on what changed in your absence when we have more than enough time to spend together now.❞

( i have dwelled on it enough for both of us. )

Precious were all Inazuma was made of - and all it had been robbed of, for as long as the stasis imposed by the Shogun had lasted. Trapped in a comatose state, petrified in such a way that happy memories would fade and corrode, and bad memories would persist and distort; all according to the misgivings of a mourning god who, perhaps, thought she was doing what was best for her people.

Kazuha may, perhaps, on a rational level, understand her intentions. Alas, hell is paved with thousands of those; and hell is what this war on vision holders and the very fabric of humanity has been. Hell has been losing his friend and the burning ambition he carried like a beacon in the darkness. Hell has been forced exile and being denied the chance to mourn. Hell has been leaving friends and loved ones behind, and the gnawing, nagging guilt of knowing they were still trapped on this island while he roamed free in the outside world.

How different would things have been, had he not left the island? Had he not intervened to snatch away Tomo's vision, branding himself in the eyes of a merciless state? Would he have been able to remain at Ayato's side, then? Would his friend have been less burdened, less worn down, by the heavy weight he had to carry in those darkest of times? Kazuha asks himself these questions often. Kazuha also discards them after they remain but a fleeting moment on his mind.

Perhaps it is cowardly behaviour on his part, but there is nothing he can do to change what was, and what was not, is there?

The breeze unfurls gently upon the path, leaves a soft touch upon his cheeks and carries away the heavy thoughts that have begun to besiege his mind. A smile finds it way to his lips again, quiet and serene, as he leads the way to the small clearing by the riverbend he has in mind.

"Inazuma has spent too much time in remembrance already. It is what led our nation astray, don't you think?" He muses, with a smile and a light shake of his head. He had left Ayato behind, with the burden of responsibilities and memories to preserve, and only now just begins to wonder just how much his friend has been trapped in this stasis, too.

Kazuha steps onto the grass of the small clearing; open skies visible through the canopy of cherry trees stretching towards the skies like a forest just awoken from a very long slumber. He can hear the creak of their barks and the ancient yawn of the earth, welcoming them in this territory of old where Kazuha has not stepped foot in many years. Perhaps Ayato is not the only one in need of an unavowed pilgrimage, too. "Those times were also some of the most precious in my life. That is why I do not wish to see them fade in the sad immobility of the eternity promised by our Shogun. If I cannot hold onto them, then I would like to create new ones; so that I may never lose the essence of what makes them so precious to begin with."

The samurai settles his basket on the ground, at last looking back at his companion. On his features floats the air of a man admitting to a sad confession; and a hopeful one. "I must admit to selfishness, by bringing you here. Perhaps a part of me hopes that I can make up for my absence... but mostly? I don't know of anyone I would rather create those budding new memories with."

AETHER WOULD NOT CALL HIMSELF A GOD — everlasting, divine, otherworldly; those were all accurate descriptors, but to claim the title of a god would be far too conceited for his liking. It is an idea that is unwelcome at best, regardless of how his power ( before they had the majority of it torn from them ) may have put them on the same level as one.

& the way Cyno mentions having thought him reserved is confusing, for Aether is sure he has been more than forthcoming with his thoughts, tidbits of omitted information aside. He isn't necessarily wrong, however, with the speculation that Aether was possessive with his things — as rare as it was, there were items he would never allow another to see, such as piles upon piles of journals detailing a life longer than one could comprehend.

( with pictures & stories of every person they have ever cared for hidden inside the pages of aged paper. )

❝You aren't wrong that I can be possessive of my things sometimes.❞ This is a truth he can divulge, one that would not be unsafe to make known to Cyno. ❝But that's mostly with my journals, or gifts from friends.❞ Both those he knows in the present after meeting them throughout his journey & those who are long gone, turned to ashes & stardust that would float throughout the universe for an eternity.

❝You're also right that I have no vision. I don't need one to use the elements.❞ For they once wielded something far more powerful than dendro or anemo, even if that power had been drained from them by a god so many centuries ago. ❝I don't think I'd be able to hide one easily, even if I did, but it's easier to let people think I have one than explain why that I don't.❞

It's better for the people of Teyvat to believe he is one of them rather than an outsider to a world that rarely has dealt with them.

❝Although, I wouldn't call myself or Lumine gods, Cyno. I'd prefer you not think of me as one either, if you were, considering I'm not nearly as powerful as one.❞ At least, he wasn't currently on par with any of Teyvat's gods where power was concerned. Even fighting a single one had been impossible without the help of others. ❝If you really have to think of me as something other than human, I would be more akin to a star in the sky.❞

Against the sting of his wound, Cyno sat still, and listened. Letting that information wash over him like cold water. Each bit more incredible than the next. All things that would have him question the Traveler's sanity, had he not been there to see the truth unfold before his very eyes.

Eternal. Immortal. Did that mean nothing would even have happened to him, had Cyno just left him to the storm? There was a bit of shame spilling into his heart at the thought, and a sense of inadequacy. And yet, at the same time, he thought that if he could have gone back to that moment he'd done exactly the same again.

It wasn't about doing what was necessary; he cared to do what was right.

"... You know. I always thought you were just particularly reserved, or maybe possessive of your things. But now I wonder... you don't even have a Vision on you, do you?" He asked, eyes shifting once more from the fire, to Aether's hands working around his shoulder, scanning over his clothes even now. Just how many times had his mind excused all the oddities that could have pointed him to the truth sooner?

"What does this make you and your sister? Gods? Is that it?"

NOBODY CAN FORCE SOMEONE TO MAKE FRIENDS, that much is correct, but tiny gods of wisdom with an affinity for dendro are persuasive enough that Arakan's ambivalence toward their aversion to forming any sort of bond with Kaedehara is replaced by a stab of annoyance at themselves. If only because the sympathy she so readily offers them is unneeded & undeserved, for they had made their choices long ago.

& so, they must live with the consequences they carry. The reminders of their past sins embraced, regardless of the distance Arakan puts between themself & those affected by the cruelty that their anger once brought.

Her suggestion that they are incorrect in their judgement of him makes them bristle at first, lips twisting into a frown that was reminiscent of a person's expression after biting into a lemon without considering the flavour of it beforehand. For a moment, they want to argue. Yet, Arakan bites their tongue, because the likelihood is that they are incorrect.

They have always been incorrect in their assessments of others — in their insistence that Niwa had abandoned them once, that death meant leaving someone behind unwillingly, & in their belief that it had been fate's cruelty that had left them alone rather than the actions of another.

They have come to realise that the only person who had ever truly left them of their own volition was Ei. Arakan could hardly blame her, these days, for wishing to be freed from the presence of something so imperfect.

Where once they would have argued until the bitter end, they remain silent as she speaks, for they owe her enough to listen despite their certainty that she could not sway their position, in the end. As much as Nahida is good at convincing them to try new things & meet new people, even she must realise where the limits of her eloquence lie.

❝What point would there have been to ask him that, Buer?❞ Arakan's words are muttered, albeit there is no irritation in their words regardless of the harshness that they carry. It isn't exactly a silly question, but Arakan has seen no point in prying further into Kaedehara's life than they already have — keeping their distance is the best for the both of them. Yet, her words do leave them curious.

After all, she speaks of how kindness & forgiveness must be a choice, but Arakan is certain that Kaedehara's civility is not borne of forgiveness. Rather, it seems that it is in his nature to remain calm & carry the gentleness of an autumn breeze. Gentleness that they are sure will only last until Arakan inevitably steps out of line once more & draws his ire.

No one can remain calm & kind forever, especially in the presence of someone like them.

❝Whether the past is important to him or not, it isn't my place to ask for his forgiveness.❞ It never will be, either, for Kaedehara would be well within his rights to never forgive them at all, no matter how kindly he treated them. ❝If he wants to run from it to the point of avoiding dreaming itself, then so be it. My sins are my own burden & I'll carry the past for the two of us should that be what must be done.❞

For Arakan would never escape the past for long enough to look toward the future aside from what they have now: this friendship with Nahida, this routine at the Akedemiya. If their future would remain like this, then perhaps the prison of learning would not be quite as bad as it could be.

❝Besides, have you considered, Nahida, that perhaps he couldn't enter the domain because he didn't want to face the past, impostance aside?❞ For facing the past was painful & agonising, especially facing the truth of it rather than the façade one could be lead to believe for centuries. To face their own existence, the things they had done & the lies they were told, had been difficult enough.

They can imagine anyone else would have refused those memories, knowing that they were so unkind in the past.

❝I'll ask him that next time I see him. About whether he forgives me and whether he finds kindness easy.❞ It wouldn't surprise them if it was easy for him, considering it seemed like second nature for Nahida to act in the same way: overwhelming nice, with any sort of care at all. ❝I'll ask him about his true feelings on the past, too, if only to indulge your curiosity.❞

However, Arakan cannot deny, in the end, that the true reason they wish to ask is to sate their own curiosity & to alleviate their own doubts.

Perhaps it is a shortcoming of hers, as the god of wisdom; a curiosity unbridled, a desire to know all things, to know of all things, to unpack and analyse and understand thoroughly. For all her perceptiveness, for all her compassion, however, even she has to admit that she forgets godhood sometimes makes her forget considerations that may plague others' minds while sparing hers (even Arakan, for all that they claim to be and not be, will always be closer to humans than she can ever be). Wisdom commands that not all things need to be known; but fails to acknowledge that not everyone is subjected to the same temptation that she is.

Nahida wants to know certain things, but has to abstain. Arakan has the possibility to know certain things, but chooses not to. Therein lies the crux of their difference - of her difference to the human condition, she supposes.

She lowers the bag of candied nuts back to her chest, green eyes shining with a hint of curiosity meshed with sympathy and understanding. Oh - this is what this is about, then. Guilt and grief intertwined, perhaps, walking hand in hand every time Arakan and the Kaedehara heir come face to face, erased past meeting modified present and unable to reconcile. It must be a painful no man's land, for Arakan (no matter how much they know themselves responsible for it, no matter how much of a bitter learning experience this is - that the past cannot be changed, that they are still bound to carry its consequences). That much, she can understand.

"Hmm... I see." Lord Kusanali hums, deeply absorbed in her thought as she munches on a sweet - the sugar never fails to fire up her brain, and this conversation sounds like it should require her whole attention. "Well, nobody can make you make friends with someone if you don't want to, and your reasons for wanting to keep your distance are very understandable. But... I'm not sure you're entirely right about him, either."

With a hop, Nahida floats up to one of the kitchen counters and sits there, at eye level with her ward, deeply absorbed in her thoughts as if weighing up an important decision. Should she tell them about... hm. Perhaps it feels a little like a breach of privacy, but for this one time, maybe the end might justify the means. "You know, I created a dream domain for him, once. For him and all of his friends, so that they could revisit their past, learn from it with the support of trusted company... I was very surprised when Kazuha was the only one unable to access the dreamscape I created for him." Quite unexpected indeed. It is rare, for someone to subconsciously reject a dream conceived by the dendro Archon herself. "At the time, he hypothesised that maybe the dream was locking him out because the past bore no importance to him. I don't know him well enough to say he's wrong with any confidence, but... I can't help but think that maybe he locked himself out because he wants to believe the past bears no importance to him. The difference is subtle, but... it's there."

It's a puzzling one, but... she supposes it is part of what makes this story of theirs so complex and conflicting. "So I wonder - maybe being nice and forgiving is not as easy for him as you may think it is. Maybe it's a choice he has to make, consciously, time and time again. Have you asked him, the last time you spoke?"

& FOR A MOMENT, he almost asks how they know which desires are her own — how does one begin to separate the desires that come from their own heart & those that are given to them by another? The moment passes with the realisation that this particular struggle may be his own & remain unshared by others, regardless of how much he wishes to have an answer.

( & where do they begin in making their dreams a reality when every opportunity to live them out, they have squandered? )

❝It's not unhelpful.❞ The reassurance that Aether attempts to offer is stilted, as if he isn't sure whether or not it was needed in the first place. Even if it didn't necessarily help him figure out how to move forward, it was always good to learn more about others, especially considering the number of years he has spent with only his thoughts & the influence of another for company.

❝It's just... different than what I think I want, that's all.❞ Because what Aether wants is to be worthy of spending time with his loved ones again. What Aether wants is to be able to trust in his decisions & thoughts & memories without the lingering doubt that they are not truly his own. It is a battle he will lose for the rest of eternity, that much he knows, & he can't have what he wants any longer.

He has already destroyed those dreams for himself & he cannot reclaim them so easily.

❝I've travelled for a long time and made enough of a mark during it, really.❞ For eternity had been his & Lumine's to hold for as long as he can recall & Aether has witnessed countless stories play out & created countless of his own. No longer does he wish for adventure or to leave an impact, but to find peace within his current existence.

❝I'm pretty sure you've already left a an impact on the lives of others, at least. Magic is a spectacle, it's bound to leave an impression.❞ One that could last for moments. One that could last forever. That much depends on the person, on the moment, & Aether wonders just how hollow his attempt to connect with her must sound in this moment. ❝Making people happy is easier said than done, but I think so long as you keep going, you'll succeed. Do you think you will?❞ Do you think you already have?

( could i make those i left behind happy given the chance to make amends? )

“Really? I’m glad.” The brunette merely beamed at the response the other gave, even so she gave a quick one over at herself if her usual sign of happiness would show at such serious air. Still it didn’t stop the magician from smiling at being able to help but she still listened.

“Now that’s a hard one.. I don’t usually think of the drive for my motivation all that much. Originally I wanted to travel around on adventures like someone from books I’ve read, to surpass them if I wanted to call it that.” A soft chuckle came out of the magi as she looked to the skies with a nostalgic expression.

“When thinking of wanting to make people genuinely happy through my magic, I always remind myself it’s something I want to do as my form of making a mark in this life.“ Yet the questions themselves for some reason sounded like it became a blur of the other’s wants and needs. “Ah.. sorry that answer probably didn’t help did it? Questions like that need a good thought for a answer..”

REGARDLESS OF WHETHER HIS WORDS BETRAY HIS NERVES, Kaveh is not the type to say anything he doesn't mean — unless a certain someone is involved, but Kaveh's trip to Mondstadt did not include any of his not-quite-friends ( of which there is only one ) considering he had travelled to study the architecture of a foreign nation to find some sort of inspiration for his next project.

He can't say he understands their doubt, but Kaveh knows there must be a reason behind it & perhaps one day, he may learn it. Or perhaps not. In the end, it isn't something that affects the matter at hand, so now isn't the time to think too hard about it.

❝Well, I wasn't trying not to be reassuring.❞ He says after a moment of steeling himself so that his voice did not betray any swirl of uncertainty or doubt. There isn't any use in appearing as anything other than confident & Kaveh has spent far too long drowning his guilt & uncertainty in his work to put them on display to someone he doesn't know particularly well.

❝If we work together, then we'll succeed no matter what. That's what I like to think. Don't you agree?❞

“I can assure you that the three-to-one odds don’t frighten me.” (Kaveh)

"It's often the case that when someone says assure you and frighten in the same sentence, there is a certain likely hood that they are afraid or trying to scare their intended target. So I honestly I hope you mean that as reassurance."

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

NAME: Pluto PRONOUN: They/Them PREFERENCE FOR COMM: Discord @ decoysouled

NAME OF MUSES: Too many to list them all, but my most written ones are currently Aether, Caelus, Blade and Arakan. MUSE PREFERENCES: Characters with a lot of depth (and pain) to explore. I don't really know what exactly I prefer in muses, my interests are where they are and I don't know the logic to them.

BEST EXPERIENCE: I don't really have any specific ones? Just meeting the friends I have now and getting to write with them. RP PET PEEVES: Aside from the general stuff of projection and godmodding? I don't really know. I don't really have many aside from when people push stuff into threads that cross boundaries, I suppose?

PLOTS OR MEMES: Either. Memes are easier for some things, plots are just as fun but harder for me if I don't know the other mun well, I guess? It really depends on the interaction, the characters, how easy I find it to talk to someone etc.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: This depends on the thread and what's going on. Sometimes, I'll write very long replies and others, very short ones. I write the length that makes me feel like I wrote everything I wanted to in a reply, simply put.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Whenever I have the energy to. This can be on evenings or my days off, although I write best at night. My work schedule right now doesn't lend too much to write because I'm getting up at 5am and that makes me tired.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE: Depends on the muse. Some, I relate to a lot. Others, not so much. This can also depend on the point in their storyline, too, but I don't tend to write characters I relate too heavily to as of late, since that can get easily draining.

TAGGED BY: Stole it from @noctuafought TAGGING: Whoever wants to steal it from me.

SOMETIMES AETHER FORGETS THEY ARE MORE SIMILAR THAN HE WOULD LIKE, although he would be the first to admit that it isn't such a bad thing to have someone who can ( to an extent, anyway ) relate to his experiences in some ways. It is far better, in some ways, than to know he's completely alone in the world following Lumine's departure from his life.

Sometimes, he does wish he didn't feel quite so transparent in the company of his friends & acquaintances. Sometimes, he wishes Childe wasn't quite so easy to get along with, too.

❝I guess I'll have to if you're telling me that.❞ Aether responds, barely biting back the slight laugh that threatens to bubble from his throat at the mere idea of it. If anything, he had to hope he would have better luck eventually — after all, someone has to believe that things would take a turn for the better someday.

Perhaps the other's amusement ( or joy ) was contagious, or maybe he really did need to take a break. If only he knew which.

❝If I didn't know better, I'd think you were speaking from experience. Was that a dream of yours once?❞ It is half a deflection, for the moment, from his own concerns about the future of his journey, & half asked out of curiosity. ❝Because I can imagine you getting into a lot of trouble when you were young, considering the way we met.❞

❝You're right that I could do the Millelith's job in half a second.❞ Aether mumbles after a moment of consideration — it isn't as if he could out-compete the entire organisation, but between the two of them, he's sure they could come close to doing so. ❝I think you could, too, if you weren't the type to keep them in employment.❞ It is a mere observation rather than a jab or accusation.

He has seen Childe try to destroy a nation. He has watched him protect family to the ends of the earth. In that way, too, they are much the same — with the wrath of something ancient within them, with the love of an exploding star inside.

❝If you're interested in any specific stories, you'll have to let me know.❞ Aether speaks & it is an agreement to settle, to move on from where they are. He takes a few steps forward, glancing back just to make sure his companion is following as he heads on the familiar path toward Wanmin Restaurant. At a time like this, familiarity might be a comfort after all.

❝It's been a pretty interesting time, after all, so I'm not all that sure where to start.❞ & it's true, considering the amount of things he has learned since his departure from Liyue far too long ago & yet not too long ago at all. ❝You'll have to let me know what you've been up to, as well, you know? I'm pretty curious about what trouble you've gotten yourself into, if any. I can't be the only one going on adventures, now, can I?❞

The lacklustre nature of the response is noted with a tip of the head, lips curling at the edge as he recognises the hesitancy of just what to say and wonders how heavy the weight upon Aether's shoulders truly is. Certainly more than one ought to carry, though it is not for him to interfere. Not until his meddling is welcomed at least. Laughter does burst forth from his lips at the latter comment, however, a shake of ginger locks accompanying it as he moves his head.

"Comrade, people like you and I are destined to always be at odds with the local authorities. I'd give up on that one quickly..." Childe's glad to hear the shift in tone, marking a lighter mood. "Hard to get along with those who are supposed to protect the people and solve situations, especially when you know you can do their job in a fraction of the time alone."

Hands tuck into pockets as he tips his head in the direction of where they might find a place to eat, content to let the other choose whether they go somewhere expensive and private or cheaper and more open. "Well then, we should go and settle outselves somewhere. It sure has been a while. I'm looking forward to hearing just what you've been up to since we parted ways!"