#the bi flag is really meant for having pride for being attracted to the opposite sex a PRIVILEGE it's so insulting to act like bisexuality | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vampish-glamour · 3 years

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The blues clues pride song is a mixed bag for me. Like I like the idea of letting kids know that lgbt people exist and should be treated equally but at the same time. Why are you teaching about nb and pannies and using a literal slur to refer to us. And blues clues is my favorite childhood show so it makes me sad to see them do something like this.

Where I stand on the whole “teaching kids about lgbt people”, is that YES. Kids need to be taught about lgbt people in the same way they’re taught about straight people.

But I think as far as we need to go with it is “some boys like girls, some girls like boys, some girls like girls, some boys like boys, and some girls and boys like both!”. Let kids shows have same sex couples in the same way they have opposite sex couples, all that sort of thing.

Because to me it’s about reaching equality and being seen the same way straight people are seen. Just as a normal part of life. This can’t be achieved if we’re shoving rainbow flags and parades in kids faces.

I also think there’s some nuance when it comes to teaching kids about trans people. Because as much as people hate to hear it, being trans is very different than being gay or bi. Being trans is a medical condition that often involves medical treatment. And while kids can easily understand same sex attraction, gender dysphoria and transition are much more complex subjects.

Teaching about being trans is much more difficult than teaching about same sex attraction if you’re teaching it right. And I don’t think we should sit kids down and start explaining how gender dysphoria works and how to treat it. I also don’t think we should simplify the issue to “some people identify as a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth!!”, because being trans isn’t a subject that should be simplified.

So teach kids that love is love, because it’s really as simple as “some people have two mommies and some people have two daddies”. But save the trans education for a science or psychology class or something, because it’s much more complicated than just “some people identify differently uwu”.

Now the thing with the Blue’s Clue’s video specifically, is that it lacks information. It’s just a bunch of words being thrown at you with bright ugly flags to accompany them. So while they say the words “pan” and “nonbinary”... they don’t actually say anything about what they mean. To me it looks like they’re just trying to engrain these words into kids minds as positive things, without telling them what they actually mean. In other words, “don’t think about it, just accept it!”

Now that I think about it... they said trans and bi, so they got the BT part of the acronym. They said ace, even though that’s not lgbt, and said pan and nonbinary even though they’re made up. And they said a SLUR. I don’t actually remember them saying gay and/or lesbian...how peculiar...

Anyways. Because of the lack of information and just throwing out buzzwords, I think the video is less about showing kids acceptance (because you shouldn’t be expecting people to just blindly accept whatever you throw at them. That’s a bad message IMO), and more about virtue signalling to the woke parents.

The only good thing about the lack of information is that it’s not on the same level as something like Queer Kids Stuff that gives false explanations for things. The only thing kids are going to get from this is “wow rainbows”... it’s not like they’re going to sprout a green side shave and start calling themselves a nonbinary demisexual. I can’t see this video actually being harmful, because it literally says nothing about the subject(s) it presents.

Tl:dr/summary;

Yes, teach kids about gay and bi people in the simplest way possible. Just treat same sex attraction like you treat opposite sex attraction.

But hold off on educating about trans people, because unlike sexuality, being trans is a medical condition and shouldn’t be reduced to “some boys feel like girls” or something.

The Blue’s Clues video doesn’t actually teach anything. It’s meant to teach blind acceptance, which is more or less harmful depending on how you look at it.

#asks #anon

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femmebis · 4 years

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Introducing... The bihet flag!

“Bihet” is a word commonly used by radical feminists and TERFs to describe bisexuals (commonly bisexual women) who are either in a M/F relationship or prefer the opposite gender. It’s used to imply that bisexual people are privileged, to degrade bisexuals, to invalidate bisexuality, and to derogatorily call bisexual people straight. This is typically used by people who think ‘straight-passing privilege’ exists. Whether or not the term can be considered a full-on slur is a subject of debate, but some bisexuals (including myself) reclaim the term and the stereotype that comes with it.

This flag is for bisexual people who reclaim the term “bihet”, regardless of gender. It is entirely free to use for everyone except for pedos, radfems, and transphobes (including TERFs, ‘gender critical’s and truscum). Credit is not required but appreciated, and feel free to tag me in whatever you make!

The color meanings are below the cut!

COLOR MEANINGS:

The meanings of the colors are based off the biphobic stereotypes that come with the term ‘bihet’; stereotypes that are not true and that bisexuals using this flag reclaim. But I also included some alternative meanings without the stereotype reclamation.

Pink: The pink represents the pure gay men and lesbians that bihets are trying to imitate. Bihets can never love the same gender as purely as gay people can, because it’s tainted by their love of the opposite gender. They can only be fakers who are trying to steal resources from the REAL gay people. Alternatively, it can represent love of two or more genders, and how bisexual people dating a person is not them ‘choosing a side’, but rather choosing a person.

Black and white: The black and white stripes are meant to be similar to the heterosexual pride flag, which is what bihets really are. Turning the purple of the original pride flag, meant to represent attraction to more than one gender, being turned into the heterosexual pride flag is meant to represent how bihets want to invade LGBT spaces and turn them into spaces for hets! Alternatively, it can represent oppression and stereotypes. The fact that it is similar to the heterosexual pride flag both represents oppression from heterosexuals and the fact that biphobes in the LGBT+ community consider bisexuals ‘het lite’.

Blue: Blue is for the fickleness of bihets, and how they decided to identify as bi on a whim just to get an ‘oppressed uwu’ card. It also stands for the tears that bihets cry whenever anyone does anything remotely rude towards them, calling them ‘biphobes’ blindly so they have an excuse to be cruel to the actually oppressed people. Alternatively, it stands for bisexual people coming to terms with stereotypes, in a way. They know that biphobia exists, and, instead of letting it get to them, they reclaim the stereotypes, or support those who do.

#bihet #bihet reclaimed #pride flag #flag edit #bisexuality #my posts #bi posts

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solitaryspleenclub · 3 years

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Pride flags all look lazy

Might catch some shit for this one, but here we go boys and girls.

Before I get into the actual opinion, first I want to say that it really bugs me how the exact colours and orientation of most pride flags changes almost constantly. Seriously, google any pride flag, a lot of the time you’ll look at like four different flags.

Now, the actual thing I’m talking about here, Pride flags look really lazy.

I’m not 100% sure the history of a lot of these,. But as far as I know, the first flag of the bunch was the good old rainbow flag.

Now, this one I like. The rainbow has a lot of history with LGBT people. one part that I find particularly touching is the song “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” sung by Judy Garland. The song resonated with LGBT people at the time because the lyrics talking of somewhere better, where hope is alive, exists, albeit just pout of reach.

There are issues with it, as with every flag. If you print it wrong, or use the wrong colours, it can come off very garish, or some of the colours can clash. There’s also the “meaning” behind every stripe. I don’t know them by heart, but it’s like passion, nature, and magic for some reason. You know, things that aren’t tied particularly closely with anything about being LGBT.

But, it’s a good flag.

Then comes this guy.

The bisexual flag. Sticking with horizontal stripes? Okay sure. There aren’t all that many nice looking designs you can do with flags. Kind of seems like it’s aping the rainbow a bit, but it could just be a happy accident.

Maybe it’s because I’m bi-ased (funny pun), but I like this one. It’s a bit simple and minimal. A little sparse. But the pink and blue, with the purple in between, represents bisexual attraction pretty well. Officially, the pink means same-gender attraction, blue meaning opposite-gender attraction, and the purple representing bisexuals’ attraction to both. You could also say it’s guys girls and all, whatever floats your funky boat.

The gay man flag looks something like this:

As I mentioned before, there are a bunch of variations. Different colours, sometimes it’s upside down. What’s it supposed to look like? Fuck if I know. Wikipedia didn’t include any variant in their pride flags article. How nice of them.

And here are the horizontal stripes again. What do they mean? I have absolutely no clue. Maybe blue for boys? But then what’s the green for? Unlike the bi flag, the colours don’t seem to clearly represent any particular attraction. And unlike the LGBT Rainbow it’s not (to my knowledge) any kind of historically gay symbol. It’s just... a stripy flag?

I’m sure buy now you can see where I’m going with this, but I’m going to keep hammering the point.

Lesbian flag?

Damn straight, it’s just some stripes. What do they mean?

Well, this is the 5 stripe version remake of the 7 stripe version that someone made that probably just ripped off the version that was the Lipstick lesbian flag with the kiss-mark taken off. The lipstick lesbian one had all pink shades to represent the feminine aspect of being a lipstick lesbian.

Anyway... The Trans flag, huh?

Yep, more bars going left to right. The last three (Gay, lesbian, Trans) are even 5 stripes with the middle one being white. What’s up with that?

Okay, the Trans one... I get it. blue and pink for male and female. probably. Not sure how the transition fits in exactly, but at least it looks nice. Honestly, probably by personal favourite looking of the flags.

Even the other Identities are at it.

Ace flag?

Bunch of stripes. The grey probably is meant to represent no attraction (although it seems to perpetuate the idea that not having sex makes you boring... oops.)

The Pan, Omni and Poly flags are even all just the bi flag with the purple bit replaced with a colour that looks 10X worse.

Replacing the purple also took out the actual meaning of the bi flag, replacing it with random garbage that looks bad

Anyway, TL;DR, just having horizontal stripes.is boring. and honestly, we deserve (and can do) better.

(lesbians, I know I’m asking this as a bi guy, but please use the Labrys flag, it looks so much cooler and more unique.)

#big brain bi time #LGBT discourse #lgbt flag #pride flags #LGBT #battleaxe bi #me have the biggest brain in town #that last one is my original post tag im not trying to be disrespectful i just never expected id make a serious post like this #flag stuff

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poore-choice-of-words · 4 years

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Happy Meet and Greet Monday, and Happy Pride Month! Give your OCs the floor to talk about their gender and/or orientations.

Happy Meet and Greet Monday! Destiny will take over form here for Apprentices.

Destiny pulls out a board with pictures of her teammates on it as well as some pride paraphernalia.

Parthenon: Is that one of my conspiracy boards?

Destiny: Don’t worry. I’ll put them back together.

Cas: Conspiracy boards?

Percie: One of.

Destiny: *points to picture of Cas with Nonbinary pride flag magnets holding it up* So Cas is nonbinary, but hasn’t listed a specific gender within that spectrum so for now xe will be known as Cas-gender.

Cas: I’ll accept that.

Destiny: *points to one half of a venn diagram colored in with Pan Pride colors with Helena and Destiny’s pictures in it* And Helena, Parthenon, and I are all Pan, which as you all know means we’re attracted to people regardless of gender.

Faraday: Who are you talking to?

Destiny: Parthenon *points to middle of venn diagram with Parthenon in it* Is also Ace, and so are Harold and Percie, *points at half of venn diagram with Ace pride colors behind it, Percie’s photo has a circle with the Aro Flag around it* Percie is also Aromantic.

Harold: How much effort did you put into this?

Destiny: Anita *points at Anita, in a heart with the lesbian pride flag* Is a lesbian.

Anita: Why am I in a heart?

Destiny: Because I love you.

Anita: Oh.

Destiny: And Finally El here is Bi. *points at El’s Photo with Bi pride magnets*

El: This is kinda impressive. How long did it take you.

Destiny: As a bonus, here’s Faraday, Jen, Matt, and Maria on the straight line of not cool enough. *points to their photos on a straight yellow line*

Faraday: Why is it yellow?

Destiny: Because it’s not cool.

More WIPs under the cut.

Humanless

Drake: I’ve just always been aware of not being attracted to just one gender. It’s alwayso been important to me what the gender of my paramour is.

Bobbi: On my opposite end, I didn’t realize anyone was attracted to anyone. I thought they were faking it, until I realized they weren’t, and I was just weird. Then Ieaned into it and focused my efforts on avoiding people.

Frank: I always thought I had no interest in women because I wasn’t attracted to humans, until...

Thoth: I knew for a long time I was only attracted to men. I just never really cared enough.

Syren: *Shrugs*

Nightingale and Peregrine

Mandie: I just always had a thing for all kinds of rebels, and that reflected in pretty much every significant other since prom when I left my date to dance with Kitty.

Moses: I like all sorts of people. I like, not everyone really I have standards, but there are double standards, that’s not what I meant. I don’t like one type of person, and the gender matters, but also doesn’t. It’s confusing.

Emily: *shrugs* I like women.

Odd Cases

Juliet: I don’t think about it a lot. I generally avoid attractive people.

Chase: I’m bi.

Rising Ark

Blossom: I’m Demisexual, so it takes me awhile to become attracted to someone, but I tend to fall hard.

Sam: I’m a trans man, and my previous employer was a little bit backwards about my transition, which is why Noah made it a rule that none of us go by our given names when we bought the ship.

Noah: I’m asexual, which is why I have the time to make plans and such.

Katy: I’m also asexual, so I had time to learn sword fighting.

The Widow: No.

Thanks for the ask!

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thesydneyfeminists · 5 years

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Five Things This Bisexual Feminist Wants You to Know About Pride

As I’m sure a lot of you are aware, June is celebrated as Pride Month in many parts of the world. These celebrations often include parades, rainbow colored EVERYTHING and heaps of social media posts reveling in everything LGBTQIA+. For a lot of people, Pride is a party – and rightly so. In a world that blatantly aims to keep us down, rejoicing in our lives and livelihoods is a form of resistance in and of itself. It’s important for us to let loose and have fun sometimes, to recharge and remind ourselves why we fight the good fight. However, during Pride Month (and really, all year round) it is equally critical to remember the painful parts of our history. Pride exists because people fought and died for a future we have yet to fully realize. As a part of this remembrance, it is imperative to highlight the ways in which various oppressed identities overlap and interact with LGBTQIA+ identities. By this statement, I simply mean we must remember and celebrate the black, trans, bisexual women who started Pride and continue fighting every day to ensure a safer future for all LGBTQIA+ people.

My last point is also significant to our understandings of feminism. Feminism must include a space for people from different oppressed minorities. My personal feminism is so tightly entwined with my identity as a bisexual person, it is nearly impossible to extract them. And those are only two of my many identities (which range from highly privileged to marginalized). So, while this piece isn’t directed specifically towards gender equality, I believe in my heart it is still “feminist”. Feminist movements must inextricably bind themselves to LGBTQIA+ rights movements. In the same vein, they must also join with anti-racist activism, disability activism, etc. As the famous slogan goes, our feminism must be intersectional, or it is bullshit. Whether you consider yourself a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or are just trying to better ally yourself with us, this article will hopefully resonate with you. It is only a short list and would benefit from additions from our lovely readers. So, feel free to comment things you want the world to about the LGBTQIA+ community. But, without further ado, here are my top five things I want everyone to know about Pride!

Image Description: The bisexual flag, which has a fat red stripe at the top, fat blue stripe on the bottom and a thinner purple stripe in the middle.

1. All M-Spec identities are valid and deserve a place in Pride celebrations. For those of you who don’t know, M-Spec is a term used to describe the multi-gender spectrum of attraction. It’s another, more inclusive way of talking about identities which fall under the “bi umbrella.” It includes bisexual people, pansexual people, polysexual people and anyone else who is attracted to two or more genders and wants to be included! There’s a lot of discourse about this subject, even within the LGBTQIA+ community. But Pride was started by a bisexual woman and I firmly believe she would have been inclusive of her M-Spec family (https://www.advocate.com/bisexuality/2014/06/17/remembering-brenda-ode-%E2%80%98mother-pride%E2%80%99).

2. No cops at pride. This point is another tenuous topic of discussion and has ended more than one friendship. But I think it’s important to state and even more important to analyze. The original pride was a riot, a protest specifically AGAINST the police state. It was meant to bring light to the very real, very visceral harm cops have done (and continue to do) to LGBTQIA+ people, especially BIPOC (black, indigenous people of color). I have heard all the counter-arguments and, for the most part, understand where people are coming from. But LGBTQIA+ people have the right to be fearful and distrustful of cops. Large masses of cops at pride don’t actually help keep any of us safe. There are better ways of creating and maintaining safe spaces for the LGBTQIA+ community (http://www.aaronxrose.com/blog/alternatives-to-police).

Image Description: Photo of a crowd of people holding up protest signs and the LGBTQIA+ flag. They are standing behind red police tape. Two police officers are standing in the road on the left side of the photo.

3. Our Pride celebrations absolutely MUST be accessible. This means, at the very least, wheelchair accessible venues and toilets, sign language translators, accessible parking spots, among many other examples. I would also personally love to see accommodations made for autistic people at Pride events. The crossover between autistic people and LGTQIA+ people is huge, and we deserve to feel comfortable and safe at big events like Pride.

4. Please don’t assume “straight-looking” people are just allies and/or don’t belong at pride. I personally don’t mind cishetallo (cis, hetereosexual, allosexual, aka the opposite of asexual) people attending Pride events if they are aware of their place there. I enjoy bringing my straight boyfriend to Pride festivities and sharing that part of my life with him. However, just because you see a couple comprised of what you assume to be a “boy” and “girl”, it does not mean they aren’t part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Firstly, people you perceive to be one gender could be another/ non-gendered. I’m thinking especially of my nonbinary pals here. Second, one or both parts of a couple could fall under the M-Spec umbrella. Lastly, people could be questioning their sexual and gender identities. It’s not your (or our) place to judge people or interrogate their reasonings for being at Pride. As long as they are being respectful of the space, just live and let live!

Image Description: Photo of someone holding up a large, white sheet attached to two wooden poles. The middle of the sheet is painted messily in the colors of the rainbow. White, black letters are stenciled in the paint. They read “Love is love.”

5. If you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, whatever that means to you, you deserve love, happiness and to feel safe. I wanted this last one to just be a shout out to my fellow LGBTQIA+ folks. I see you, I hear you, I want to validate the fuck out of you. Pride isn’t always a feel good, amazing time for all LGBTQIA+ people. If it’s not for you, please don’t feel bad. Whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your emotional state, do that. If celebrating who you are means watching your favorite show on Netflix all weekend in bed, that’s perfectly alright. No two of us are the same, and we are every single one of us amazing and wonderful. Yes, you too. Sending my love your way and hoping you find it in your heart to love yourself a bit more this month.

By: Brittany L.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of the Sydney Feminists. Our Blogger and Tumblr serve as platforms for a diverse array of women to put forth their ideas and explore topics. To learn more about the philosophy behind TSF’s Blogger/ Tumblr, please read our statement here: https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/a

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androdragynous · 5 years

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twitter anon here is your reply post, im putting it under a break bc i dont want ppl to reblog it like a discourse post. preventative measure. also bc its a long post

[ link to my tweets for context ]

Anonymous said to canonkiller: June 2nd 2019, 4:05:40 pm · 12 minutes ago yee haw, u asked something about why sharing an ace identity to strangers is necessary? being ace is something not accepted by others 100% of the time, and it is still an oppressed group which is why it’s part of the lgbtq community bla bla, especially when being horny/making sexual jokes can be the norm, and especially when you want to have open convos about attraction and sexuality. that’s. Kinda why.

Anonymous said to canonkiller: June 2nd 2019, 4:06:57 pm · 11 minutes ago I’d also like to add that! Sexual attraction is weird so that maybe you’re not comfortable with some things as an ace person as others are,, and being ace is seen as negative pretty often. It’s nice to say Hey I Exist

im going to try to phrase this in a way that makes sense but my feelings on the whole thing are a lil nebulous so bear with me on that front; none of this is meant to come across as accusatory or hostile, it’s a genuine confusion when present

i guess where i’m coming from is like. telling strangers that you’re ace is still telling strangers about your sex life, where telling people that you’re gay / lesbian / bi / pan / trans / nb isn’t. nothing about that prior list reveals anything about your sex life, and all of them can be present alongside being ace. whereas ‘ace pride’ is just like... the opposite of a hentai / ahegao shirt or whatever. it’s non-sexual, but in a sexual way, if that makes sense? its like. it’s still information about your sex life that i, as a complete stranger, do not need or want to see.

it also, unintentionally or not, feels like it’s implying everyone else at pride is sexual. as if by specifying, it’s marking the others as others. ‘here are the gay people, here are the lesbians, and here are the ones who aren’t sexual deviants’, kind of. and i know it’s probably unintentional! again, i don’t mean to be like Ace People Are Evil or anything, but it’s just... it feels uncomfortable, as someone who is treated as being inherently sexual for not being straight. and uh not gonna lie but your addition of being horny / making sexual jokes as being the norm for the lgbt community is uhhhhhh not helping with that one, actually, it’s kind of proving it. which is less than ideal.

also - again, genuine, honest question - what is the oppression ace ppl face for being ace? because practically every form of oppression i can think of - being denied housing, jobs, adoption, rights - simply won’t apply in the day to day life of an ace person. from my perspective - which i admit is limited, which is again why i’m asking - the only time you could, for example, be fired for being ace, would be if you routinely brought up that you were ace and your coworkers got uncomfortable about the fact you continued to talk about your sex life or lack thereof. and i don’t think that’s the same as being fired for having a same-gender partner who just exists, because that’s not mentioning your sex life, or transitioning, which also has nothing to do with your sex life.

i... really don’t think that discomfort is tied just to being ace, though? like, a lot of non-ace people are uncomfortable, as an example, kink / bdsm at pride. or horny / sexual jokes (you’ll notice, for example, that i don’t post those despite not identifying as ace). or being uncomfortable with people who make their sex lives or lack thereof a major focus of their identity. there’s no reason for that to be the common ground for ace experience when that’s something... a lot of people don’t like. it’s not like gay people go over to some dude in a hentai shit and start congratulating him. we all think its fucking weird, because that’s being sexual in a place where people aren’t giving consent to seeing it. you know, basic human decency standard.

it’s also... the description of seeing other ace ppl and relating to them is all fine and good, but it’s in the context that like... everyone who doesn’t give you intimate details about their sex life is then automatically not ace. you have no idea! you have no idea about most of the people you see! is a lot of media sexualized? yeah! and a lot of people - ace or not - have a lot of issues with that! it’s not like people who feel sexual attraction are 110% comfortable with some sex scene in a crowded theater, it’s fuckin weird for everyone.

i do also have to bring up my experience w the identity in fandom spaces, which is important, because to me it is PROFOUNDLY uncomfortable when people are like “this child character from this children’s series is asexual and this character is gay!” because it’s like. they’re 12. this is a book series written for twelve year olds. none of them are sexual. pointing out that one character is Very Not Sexual and the other is gay has some aforementioned unfortunate implications about how people view being gay! i have the same concern seeing ace pride flag stamps on a minor’s deviantart profile as i do when i see a fetish stamp there; the simple dread that children are being exposed to sexual content - or being told they are abnormal for not experiencing it when they’re children - and it’s expected to be a point of pride. that concerns me. i fear for kids who are ‘proudly ace’ because, from my experience, the ace people i have met bring up sex far more often than those who aren’t ace or haven’t made it a focal point of their identity. at the end of the day, i don’t want to know about how much or how little anyone, ESPECIALLY A CHILD, wants to have sex! and i think thats a pretty normal thing to not want!

it’s not anywhere near my business unless they are my partner, in which case we can talk about it, like people in healthy relationships do. and if we break up because we can’t reach a compromise, that’s... normal? like, wanting different things from a relationship is generally why things don’t work out. that’s not ace oppression or anything. thats just normal dating.

my question still doesn’t feel answered! it still feels like it boils down to lgbt people aren’t telling people about their sex lives, ace people are, and i don’t need to know why i need to know the details about ANYONE’S sex life without my consent - which i’m not giving when im looking at pride merch on etsy or people’s profiles on deviantart. especially when the meaning of ‘asexual’ has been diluted to the point where it means ‘someone who isn’t wanting sex 24/7′ which is. how most people are.

#patch me through to palaven command #please dont reblog i dont need the disk horse

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hellomynameisbisexual · 7 years

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Pride Month 2017 - Some notes on Bisexuality July 08, 2017

In case you hadn't already picked up from following me on Twitter, I'm quite open about the fact I'm bisexual. This was meant to be posted during pride month 2017 but was delayed due to other commitments. Whoops!

This isn't something I've ever felt a particular desire to be an activist about, but there are a lot misconceptions floating around and I'm reliably informed that my visibility might be useful to people who are still figuring out their sexual orientation.

So, here are some of my thoughts on common myths about bisexuality. If you have any other questions drop me a line and I'll do my best to answer.

"Everyone/No one is bisexual"

Someone's sexual orientation is a deeply personal thing that we all have to decide for ourselves. It seems a bit presumptuous to tell other people who they're attracted to!

I've never been particularly "camp" so most people assume I'm straight until they see or hear otherwise. I would suggest that if you think no one around you is bisexual, you're probably not looking hard enough or you've made assumptions about people based on who they're dating.

For those who think "everyone" is bisexual, that's not true for the reasons mentioned in the first paragraph. But what you are right about is it's not always an exact 50-50 split for everyone, so our community is much larger than official figures would suggest. Some people prefer labels like "heteroflexible", "homoflexible" or "fluid" to better describe the gender split among the people they're attracted to.

"Isn't the term 'bisexual' transphobic?"

It depends on the definition you subscribe to. I opt for "attracted to more than one gender" rather than "attracted to both genders" (which presupposes that only two are possible). Others prefer less ambiguous labels like "pansexual", but in my experience I've found using this label raises more questions than it answers.

In the past I've had people break-off dates with me/start ghosting after I told them I was bisexual. Knowing how much that sucked, the idea of doing the same to other people on the grounds of their gender doesn't really appeal to me. I'm attracted to whoever I'm attracted to, and I'll behave accordingly.

"Are you monogamous?"

Yes. I always have been and I play by the same relationship rules other monogamous people do. I'm no less happy or committed when I'm in a relationship either.

I often hear "you must like three-ways" from people who seem to be confused about the difference between bisexuality and polyamory. There's nothing wrong with polyamory between consenting adults, but it's not what I'm into.

I tend to assume this myth that bisexuals aren't great at monogamy comes from the same school of thought that claims we're "greedy" or "sluts".

Just like any other responsible single person in their 20s I use protection & get myself checked regularly. I'd also like to clarify I'm not attracted to more people than anyone else (aside from asexuals, obviously). All that's different is the people I'm attracted to aren't all the same gender!

"Bisexuals are just confused"

Growing up I was indeed "confused", but not about who I was or wasn't attracted to. I was confused because everyone around me seemed to think you could only be into one gender, and that it had to be male or female. As a result I spent a lot of time questioning myself and it took longer to "come out" (with a few false starts) because I didn't think calling myself 'gay' was accurate.

I came out to close friends around 6 years ago and have been open about it "offline" for about 4 years now. But I admit I'm still guilty sometimes of just saying I'm straight or gay to people I don't know for a quiet life. It can be tiresome having to convince everyone I exist and answer the same questions over and over again. Not everyone is worth the effort.

While I would never presume to doubt anyone's anecdotal evidence of closeted gay friends who briefly claimed they were bisexual before they were comfortable being open, in my experience those identifying as bisexual are usually sincere about it and just as annoyed as me about that particular stereotype.

I can confirm that for me being bisexual is not "just a phase". Admittedly I might sometimes spend a few months feeling like I'm attracted to one gender more often than another (I tend to assume that's just luck of the draw). But I've never found myself exclusively attracted to just one gender, and I've never suddenly discovered I'm not attracted to someone I was previously attracted to based on their gender.

"If you're in a same-sex relationship then you're gay, aren't you? (and vice versa)"

Imagine you support the Liberal Democrats. However you're told that you can only vote for the Conservatives and Labour, and that by choosing one of them you'll always be known to everyone as a supporter of that party and be expected to vote that way for the rest of your life.

That obviously doesn't make much sense. Your vote for either party wouldn't reflect your real political identity and the party you opt for could easily change between general elections. Who you voted for this election doesn't dictate who you'll vote for next time, and there are still a whole load of smaller parties you could opt for that weren't even mentioned as options.

It's not a perfect analogy, but it more or less illustrates the deal with bisexuality. It is a distinct sexual orientation I have about as much control over as you have over yours. It doesn't change because I happen to be in a same-sex or opposite-sex relationship, and neither does my current relationship dictate the one that might follow it.

"You have bi privilege!"

There's a pervasive myth that bisexuals can just retreat into straight privilege on the grounds we can "pretend" to be straight.

I can understand where this myth comes from, as from the outside it can seem like non-camp bisexuals in straight relationships are "getting away with it". (I'm assuming we're all smart enough to agree that bisexuals in same-sex relationships experience all the same discrimination gay and lesbian couples do).

However, a few points worth bearing in mind: 1. A not small number of people (both gay and straight) just flat-out refuse to date bisexuals because of the preconceptions I've mentioned in this post 2. Fewer resources are allocated to dealing with the bisexual community's problems (particularly around mental health) so we have worse outcomes 3. We often find ourselves being criticised from all sides, so don't always feel like we're part of the LGBTQ community 4. When you come out as bisexual you're much less likely to be believed, which makes being open much harder

I've never been to a pride. This isn't because I'm opposed to them (quite the opposite!), but I don't see where I would fit in. Standing in the crowd at the side erases my existence, but visibly marching under the bi flag can also draw controversy and abuse. I hope one day to brave it and see how it works out for me, as it'll probably be much better than I expect.

The recent debacle around bisexual representation at London Pride kind of illustrates my point though that we're the least likely to be out and we're not particularly high up on anyone's list of priorities for outreach. Bi-erasure is a significant problem, as are bad TV tropes that amplify the myths.

In summary, bisexuality isn't an "easy option" with special privileges. Anyone who is identifying that way under the illusion it's some sort of cop-out is in for severe disappointment!

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