#the I'm not interested in that stuff is good enough for me to say
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Hi!
So i'm aroace - I've known this for years and I've known this since the end of yr 6/beginning of highscool/yr 7 and am quite open about it and most of my close friends know about how i am aroace.
Along with this I have never rlly been interested in romantic relationships - they never seemed all that interesting and even as a kid I could never be bothered to force myself into having crushes (smth ik that some other aro ppl tend to do) or ever thought of the idea of not having romance as being unappealing/sad. I've also never really had strong desires for sexual relationships - to me sex was smth that was overdramatised (like in p0rn, books or fanfiction), something that i was mildly curious about but would most likely never have due to not wanting to have to look for a sexual partner and sometimes feeling borderline freaked out at the thought of being with another person like that.
However I have been curious about QPRs before - until recentrly I didn't know too much about them though after I learnt more I thought that I would want to have one - though I've never really known who I would get into one with/how to ask someone to be in one with me.
Recently there is this girl who I am friends with who I think I would like to be in a QPR with - we've been friends since around 2022 and she's awesome! I rlly love spending time with her and all of that + I think that being in a QPR wouldn't change too much other then maybe one or two ways that we interact + having a label on it.
However she is allo and though ik that allo ppl can be in QPRs and also she isn't a huge romantic and has only had like, 1 crush a year ago, I also know that she probably doesn't know what a QPR means and I wouldn't want her to think that it would get in a huge way of if she even did want to have a romance ig?(I don't see this as likely bc to my knowledge she's had 1 crush throughout her entire life + moved on fast afterwards and hasn't rlly had another one but I don't rlly understand romance and ik that ppl can get crushes whenever and stuff).
I also happen to be a very nervous person - meaning that if I had to ask + tell her what a QPR is I would most likely chicken out or feel extremely anxious and not even finish or give her information that wasn't 100% correct.
Also she's smart enough to do her own research and stuff (which considering how bad i am at explaining things would be for the best) but she wouldn't do research if she didn't think it was all that relavant to her. By that I mean like - she knows what being aroace is, but she doesn't know a lot of in-depth stuff bc she just asked me some questions and to her knowing her friends feelings was enough. And I have very little idea of how to casually drop the words Queer Platonic Relationship so that she will just go and do some research for it.
Plus I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable bc she could liken me asking to a confession even tho it's not rlly one + if we were to be in one we happen to go to a school that has both a younger and older sibling which could end up meaning that even if she understood they could end up thinking she's queer and idk how her family would take that/I wouldn't want her to get in trouble or anything.
i’m not sure if you want advice or just to vent, since you didn’t specify, so i’ll just say that if you wanted you can try mentioning qprs in a context not related to you and see what she says, and go from there. good luck!
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ive definitely said this before but i think there's this common (and understandable!!) misconception that goh is canonically a victim of bullying and tbh i thought the same thing when jn was still airing lol but now that i have gone back and obsessively rewatched every episode a million times i think it's a lot more interesting to consider what the anime shows us, which is...not a kid who is bullied, but a kid who simply has no friends. and it doesn't seem to be a matter of, like, other kids not liking him. even in the very first episode, we see chloe's classmates asking her about him. it's a very casual "oh yeah, he never really comes to school, does he?" like they don't even really think about him that much. but they say his name respectfully, and just seem mildly curious about it. not really like...mocking or anything like that.
i mean, his whole "i don't need friends" attitude when they're younger could stem from bullying. that's completely possible. but the anime never really goes out of its way to make us think that? like...his disengagement in the flashback in the drizzile evolution episode emphasizes that he's refusing to play with his classmates - and that he doesn't even know why. if he were being bullied by them...wouldn't he have been able to at least articulate that he doesn't like them or that they don't treat him well or that they're just no fun to play with? like i won't say that some bullied kids aren't really unwilling to talk about the experience of being bullied...but in hindsight, they usually have a solid idea of what was going on.
in goh's case, i think he's just like...maintaining what he knows, which is the experience of being isolated and alone. he takes control of that feeling by saying he doesn't need - or even want - friends. he's still doing that when he tells ash that he "accepts" him as his friend, as opposed to just...being like, nice to meet you :) and moving on. he needs to be the one who has that say (and in this respect, his whole w-well would you maybe...consider being MY friend too...?? in jn003 is actually kind of...sweet? and indicative of the change that ash has already begun to motivate in him! doubly so considering ash's response is "wait but weren't we friends already?" bc ash is someone who like...doesn't need that verbalization, and doesn't consider friendships as things you "give" and "take" or whatever. they just are!!!).
ANYWAY, all this to say like. i see where the idea comes from, because he does have those little "you're just like everybody else" lines and whatever, and like...his whole thing with horace - his awkwardness in social interactions, like this. overcompensation for something, this need to prove how Smart and Impressive he is (and his fear of being seen as stupid, like in the horace ep when he's like "oh haha...well...you tell me what you know about celebi first. obviously i know this stuff already. i'm just testing you" when he obviously doesn't know it). but to me that's like...a projection, if anything. he's so determined not to acknowledge that his parents' absence has made him lonely, has affected him in any way, that he twists himself into believing the reason he doesn't get along with others isn't because he's too used to being alone to deal with having friends...it's because they're not worth his time, or they're not good enough for him, or they're just going to hurt him anyway. something something pokemon journeys if goh had learned some dbt techniques
#taylor.txt#woe...personality disorder be upon ye#wait wheres the like up meme the highest honour i can bestow on a character with the bisexual scout badge#thats me but like. bpd#anyway uh YEAH maybe IM the one projecting but im so much more interested in a character who acts like everyone hates them than one who#actually IS hated by everyone. like there's something wrong in his brain that made him this way...so endearing <3#*meta#goh#this wasnt intended to be an analysis post this is a ‘he needs therapy but i like him better deprived of it’ post#but glad it resounded with some of yall JDKSJDKDJSKDNSK
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End of the road. Oatscurry! (but like, fr this this time)
First of all:
Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Final translation for Charisma House has been posted! Woohoo! Yay! Good work me, clap clap clap, I'm soooo cool! Clap clap clap.
Anyway.
What a road this has been, yep yep. I already made some dramatic post when I quit the first time, and then an other when I came back, and honestly I forgot what I said in these, lol. But I will spare the theatrics, maybe.
Either way, what a long road it's been! One with ups and downs for sure, but definitely a rewarding one. Especially seeing how far my translations have reached people...! I'm still trying to process my impact, which honestly scares me, so I don't think I can ever truly comprehend it, but hey! That's how things are in life. It's not my quote, but something something about how we all carry things from each other that form us as people, no matter how big or small said pieces are (maybe I am making this up). If I was able to be a 'piece' of that through my translations, then I am more than satisified with what I did here.
After all, it is why I translate! To share what I love!
But that's the problem!
I love too many things!
That's right, I discovered something new I want to put all my time into, which comes with a sacrifice. But said sacrifice isn't only because of this. I am making the steps to pursue translating as a genuine career. I'm unsure how life will look like for me going forward, if I'll even have the time for translating season 3.
Which is why I will be stopping with translating Charisma House as a whole.
In order to not burn myself out from fantranslating too many things once again, and in order to also prioritize life stuff. Season 2 is my final contribution to you all.
Also, I'm more than happy enough to let official-kun take over, even if we have our personal grievances with the subtitles (or they are simply not as cool, witty, clever and funny as me <- for your information, I'm jesting.)
So yeah, that's all I had to say I think. I yapped enough. Of course, this isn't all you'll be seeing of me. If you're wondering about other corners of the internet I'm hanging out at, catch me at @82mitsu on here, or on Twitter. There I'm continuing my translator endeavors for 18TRIP! A mobage with a rather colorful cast of characters and interesting setting!
If you're wondering what I'm doing outside of translating, uh... I don't know, if you're playing FFXIV you can find me AFKing in Limsa somewhere, lol. I'm genuinely not that much of an interesting person, so I don't think you gotta know me outside of what I do.
As closure, I once again would love to repeat a quote I had first mentioned in my graduation post:
“The world is filled to the brim with nice things… and all of them are carrying someone’s intentions and feelings.
When those feelings get across and manage to make someone happy… I gain little pieces of confidence,
that I’ll gather together and carry with me as I move on.”
Thank you for reading all my translations.
Thank you for being able to find enjoyment in what I do.
Thank you for using the time of your day to get to know Charisma House through my work.
Thank you for all the kind messages I've received up until now.
Thank you for your patience.
But most importantly, thank you for getting into Charisma House.
OTSUKARISMA!
and one last time,
RIGHTEOUSNESS
IS
GLORIOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS
Ah, but do remember. I value a good, sweet translation that encapsulates everyone nicely. If official-kun's crimes are so, so bad, in Season 3...
I will be back, with pure vengeance.
I've mentioned it before, how the difference in translation interpretation has made me interested in this field to begin with.
What I never mentioned is that it was fueled by spite.
And we all know how that is the greatest motivator to mankind.
justicerikai, signing off! o7
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It's kinda sad people accept more when I say "I'm not interested in dating" than "I'm aroace" (or similar). They assume the first one is temporary, they can't accept I'm not like them and not liking someone ever doesn't mean something's wrong with me
#hi I havent written stuff here for a while#the previous post I reblogged inspired this#lately my aroace identity has been a secondary characteristic about me#I barely think about it because it's such a passive thing#but yeah#I probably would talk about it more irl if people accepted more and it was more known#the I'm not interested in that stuff is good enough for me to say#and I only actually come out to those I trust the most#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#aroace
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barnes and noble has been raising the prices of everything and further pushing for their premium membership option (which they raised the price of by 60 percent this year!) and then when they have big sales events, they're less than what they used to be.
last year at this time you could get one of their leather-bound book annex tomes for $12.50 (without a member discount) because of the 50 percent off all hardcover sales. but they raised the price of those tomes from 25 bucks to 30, and they decreased the sale from 50 percent off all hardcovers to 1/3rd off. so that same book that was $12.50 at last year's end-of-year sale is now 20 bucks. and that's supposed to be savings enough to induce me to walk into one of their stores this week?
i'm sorry but b&n has just gotten so greedy, even though their business has only been doing better and better in previous years. they do not have to be raising prices like they have been, and they can damn well afford to have the same savings events they used to. if you went to one of those hardcover sales a year or two ago, even if you lived in a less populated area like i do, you had never seen a b&n so busy in your life. things were flying off the shelves. they WERE making bank.
and as a company they've only been growing and growing (as much as the publishing industry has been, in recent years). but there are so many other ways to buy books. CHEAPER ways to buy books. MORE SUSTAINABLE ways to buy books. and since books and booksellers are doing really well right now, i don't see why barnes and noble is getting so greedy when they don't have to be. i dont like new shiny books that much. people buy books for the content, ultimately. sometimes we as consumers might make the choice that a new shiny book is worth paying a bit more for, but not that much. barnes and noble has just been demanding more and more of their customers' money for less and less benefit.
#kaily and i shared a membership account for several years but she cancelled it over the summer#bc of them raising it from 25 dollars per year to 40. i'm sorry but we just were not spending enough to make that worth it#the benefits for a member used to be 10 percent off everything in-store and free shipping online.#now it's 10 percent off everything in-store AND online with free shipping. which sounds good enough#but not for a 60 percent pricehike. and a bunch of other supposed benefits no one would ask for#like a free tote (geez. thanks. yeah i really need a free tote every year) and like. a free treat at a cafe on your kids' birthday?#i dont have a kid.#between the two of us. we were not buying 400 dollars worth of stuff at b&n every year#oh and it's also 10 percent off the in-store starbucks. but im pretty sure that USED to be a benefit they had#years ago?? like i SWEAR ive gotten money off at the b&n starbucks so i guess they got RID of that at some point#and gave it BACK when they HIKED UP THE PRICE TO 40 BUCKS A YEAR#text post#barnes and noble#it's a shame bc where i live. barnes and noble is the only like fancy bookstore#and i live in an area that my barnes and noble... is like. what a boston barnes and noble eats for breakfast.#it's two floors. there are plenty of books that it doesn't have. plenty of sections that are very small#like the poetry section is just pathetic. i look at it every time i go and it just makes me sad.#i guess a lot of the book annex stuff contains poetry but still that's not really enough to entertain a rich interest in the genre for long#i outgrew the limited selection at my own local b&n poetry section by the time i was twenty. i was like i already know everything here.#which isn't to say i'm an expert in poetry. it's to say that the poetry section is barely bigger than a shelf#in fact ive never thought about it before but I OWN more poetry books than you'll find in the poetry section#at my local b&n. lol#i have a lot of nostalgia for b&n even though it is a big company that does not love me. i have very few books i bought new#that are not from barnes and noble. i got so many books that changed my life from them#i guess it's like a childhood/teenage attachment at this point bc ive had more mixed feelings abt the direction theyve been taking#for several years at this point.#and no i dont mean that theyve been expanding to selling more toys/games etc. theyve literally always done that in my lifetime. who cares.#they still have books#as an adult ive been more capable of seeing how limited their book selection is and how i have so many problems w that.#and it ultimately comes down to them being a big greedy company
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have been thinking about this a lot lately and i do just want to say that i think a lot of people Online™ really don't realise how genuinely dangerous being gay offline is. and even when it isn't physically dangerous, how profoundly uncomfortable being gay makes straight people. i need you to understand that though the online world is part of real life, it is not the whole scope of things and i do believe that to forget that can be very very unwise both for yourself and for other people.
i'm not saying the world isn't getting better or that being gay is something you need to be aware of at all times, i'm just saying it is absolutely a disservice to yourself and everyone else by refusing to acknowledge that at this point in time, society even in more progressive spaces has not moved past cold hard homophobia. and even if you haven't experienced it yourself, you need to know that your experiences aren't universal. if you assume that they are, it will harm people in one way or another. i'm not saying be scared, i'm saying know that there are still many, many significant steps to take even in more progressive places wrt to lgbt rights, let alone places where that's not so much a thing. i just think it's essential to understanding the world you're living in as a gay person, to understand this.
#not any mutuals afaik but just the Online folks in general i think really need to know this#bc i KNOW why i'm stared at on the bus sometimes and i KNOW what the guy who says "oh. i thought i was p good at knowing who was a f- gay#but i didn't clock im ' mean s#*him'#and it means !!!! this isn't acceptable !!!!!#and this is minor minor minor stuff not even getting into physical violence and proper slurs and ESPECIALLY what ppl#outside of liberal-enough cities experience#idk i've been thinking about Some Things and idk to ME being a gay woman esp the more gnc i get is like being a Woman in the sense#that it IS something ur aware of when out in public bc it IS smth that is going to get different and potentially negative responses yk#hmm idk if i'm wording this right but whatever come chat 2 me abt it if ur interested i'd be curious to hear ur thoughts !!!#also this is okay 2 rb but someone else has prob written it nicer somewhere alkdnjskfhg
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Hi! I’m here suffering from lack of good Archivist!Sasha content as well 😭 On that note, do you have any fic on that topic you would recommend? Or just good Sasha fics in general, (or Jonsasha, if that’s your cup of tea)? Thank you in advance 😊
Tragically, I think there is a general dearth of good Archivist!Sasha content (and just about none of it Jonsasha content, as far as I can tell (and not only is Jonsasha my cup of tea, but the ONLY thing standing between it and the #1 OTP spot (currently occupied by JE) is the fact that the Jonsasha that I desperately crave exists in my brain and nowhere else)). Admittedly, I haven't looked very far into her tag yet (I should rectify that at some point tbh) but I've dug around the Jonsasha tag when I first got into it, and I know at least one fic where Sasha drifts towards Beholding through an interest in office gossip.
In terms of Jonsasha Ao3 has:
This very good Sasha lives fic where Jon shows up to Georgie's with an unconscious Sasha and everyone involved is very confused.
These two fics are cute also. The former is by @/suttttton and is them getting together, the latter is established Jonsasha from @/dickwheelie.
Eyevatar Sasha might actually be thinner on the ground (outside of fix-its where she solves everything and her canon reckless curiosity is completely ignored). Ao3 has:
This fic, which is Jongerry with outsider PoV Sasha. Just barely has the implication that she might be shifting towards the Eye (via prying into the lives of her coworkers) but gets a mention through sheer force of Excellent Sasha Characterization. I read this and I feel like I'm reading a fic from a Sasha Understander.
There's also this fic, which looks very promising but which I haven't actually gotten the chance to read yet, so I can't speak to its quality.
Unfortunately I've only gotten into Sasha fairly recently (especially as compared to Jon, who my brain latched onto in a deathgrip from the start), so I haven't gone through her tag yet. A scroll through the Archivist!Sasha or Beholding Avatar!Sasha tags pulls up a lot of fix-it and J//mart, which isn't really what I'm looking for from the concept. I'm sure there's more out there, and if/when I find them I'll come back to this ask probably, but I lucked into Reverse Nighthawks (I was on a Jongerry kick).
But god every day I wish that I could write romance and/or longfic, because about a year ago I read a Jonmichael fic that, when discussing alternate universes (where Jon ended the world) it's revealed that he once did an apocalypse out of love for his Archivist, Sasha James. And it was one (1) single line, but it struck me so hard because god. A perfect concept I think. The potential dynamics of Archivist!Sasha/Assistant!Jon are enthralling to me. Jon destroying the world (or helping her destroy the world? Cute date night I think: bringing about armageddon with your eldritch monster partner) for Sasha... anyway mostly I mentioned that one because My God if I have to live with that tantalizing AU rotating in the background of my mind 24/7 so do the rest of you.
#also I'm very sorry how much this was About Jon#I really /do/ love sasha it's just that jon lives in my brain literally all the time#I am incapable of making a single solitary tma post that is not like 50% about him#not a Single One#every character and relationship and dynamic must somehow include jon to interest me. I struggle to care about jon-less anythings#it's a Problem#anyway I really really love sasha and want to write her one day but I need to finish my JE stuff first#the thing is the sasha in my brain is in zero other places#I extrapolated some stuff from canon to create a Blorbo but I don't think many other people interpret her the same way#I have some sasha and jonsasha stuff lying around somewhere but the gist is that I think sasha should become a morally questionable eyevata#who feeds the eye by invading people's privacy ''accidentally.'' based on her actions in the s1 finale she's probably a good person usually#but is reckless when protecting those she cares about and ESPECIALLY when curious and I want her to be a lil freaky with it#too tired to string my sasha thoughts together properly but they're mostly about how she should have a fun corruption arc#I want her to end the world in s3. I want her to have extremely difficult and complicated feelings about leaving the institute. about being#an eyevatar also. I think she didn't get enough screentime to say a lot for certain but she has enough interesting and complex things in he#brain that she could offer an interesting perspective if she survived or was the archivist. I also think she and martin should've switched#places. sorry martinlikers but she had more stuff going for her and also her perspective would be unique and interesting instead of yet#another 'the Eye is Bad.' that's actually the jonsasha thing I like the most. reading her statement and there's so many parallels between#her and jon. I think they'd compliment each other in a way literally no other jonship could manage#anyway sorting tags#jonsasha#asks#thank you for the ask btw!! I am. VERY. passionate about this subject. sasha has so much potential and stuff going for her but I get so#bitter because nobody is willing to engage with the stuff I find most interesting about her. probably another reason it took me as long as#it did to get Attached to her. I spent too much time with fanon sasha who's had the potential and complexity and points of interest#stripped away so that she can fix the world for jm to get together which is so much more boring than whatever the hell was wrong with her#(affectionate) (I like my characters a lil weird and fucked up. a lot weird and fucked up even)#ok veryvery tired need to stop rambling and think about sasha some more.#oh wait one more thought actually she's autistic and trans (projecting but also. like. tell me i'm wrong) thank you and goodnight
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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why is there so little going on in my life that a simple crush on a person i barely know takes up so much space in my brain...why
#i'm sitting here making up little daydream scenarios FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS NOW what is wrong with me why is my life not more interesting#i WISH i was a mysterious person with lots going on but in reality i'm just at home giggling into a pillow being silly#i mean granted i am on my period rn BUT STILL WTF#i wish i could tell the romantic part of my brain to just SHUT UP IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS WE BARELY KNOW THEM STOP IT#but apparently it doesn't work that way....sigh#i don't even know if they're single??? can we at least make that clear before jumping to the daydreams??? PLEASE!!???#feels like i'm losing my mind#i used to think that in my late twenties i'd have all this stuff figured out.....HAH#but hey at least i'm still capable of having silly crushes after this long stretch of time of not being interested in anyone!#i just hope i'll find out soon that they're not single or sth so i can move past it#bc there's no way a sweet person like that could like me#...even if my brain wants them to#anyway#even in my late twenties i still don't know how to handle having a crush and what does that say about me?#ok enough ranting good night
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Becoming obsessed with a new show is so insane like I'm not even finished with S1 of LR but here I am sitting with a 17,200+ word outline of a fic that isn't even half conceptualized along with five other +2,500 word outlines that also aren't half conceptualized and about 25+ fic ideas jotted down in my notes. I'm feeling completely normal about Lab Rats 🫶
#and ngl I feel nervous to even potentially share these some day if I even continue writing#I say that because I wrote a few pics for my other fandom but then I just lost motivation to write when I became less obsessed with the sho#but I'm not even knee deep into LR and now I have all these fic ideas so I'm hoping my motivation won't fail me now#not to mention almost all of these pics involve a somewhat obscure character *cough cough* look at url *cough cough* that from what-#I've seen the fandom feels iffy about that character so it's honestly just me writing fanfics for myself if I think about it tbh#but I love angst and he has such good angst potential and yeah he's not well written and is honestly a comedic relief character in a way#but I have notes on him and think he's an interesting concept and he could have been so much more (and better written in S3 & 4)#oh yeah I have a lot ideas for art stuff too it's just that I need to practice more before I feel comfortable enough to put stuff on here#anyways if anyone read my tags here's a gold star for reading my crazed thoughts ⭐️#personal
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I remember this game (Patreon)
#Doodles#Terrible news: My hair has gotten long enough that it's trying to center-part all on its own#I need a haircut so bad I don't care how cold it is#Anyway lol onto what this is Actually about#Namely of refixating on Handplates lol - I totally called it ♪ Not that it was hard to guess pfft#When I think about it - I don't think I've ever talked about how I found Vargas through Handplates? :0#Which is weird to me looking back lol they were both very pivotal moments in my life! One affects the other affects the other on loop#It's a very interesting dance inside my head haha#Being So back on Handplates now really throws that into relief for me#Not to be cheesy Immediately lol but I'm just- so happy that I get to experience these stories ♥ That I get to Keep experiencing them :)#It's only gotten better with time I wonder if it'll ever stop haha - I keep falling more in love with them!#It's really unlike anything else I could compare them to - holistically excellent across the board#If there was just One Thing that I could pin down and say ''This Right Here is the The Thing that I like so much and am so inspired by''#But there isn't - there isn't just one thing it's everything!#If it wasn't everything I wouldn't be so inspired by Handplates to make Vargas stuff and so inspired by Vargas to appreciate Handplates#And everything in between! Helix and RespectAWoman and just- It's everything! It's holistic excellence!#Even when I first transferred over from Handplates to Vargas it was everything - up to that point anyway haha#I'm just....always having a good time when I'm reading ♥ It's my favourite-favourite#I feel very lucky :)#Handplates#I mean - ostensibly anyway lol
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I feel like I'd understand the time restriction complaints more if it wasn't coming from ppl who hyperfocus on one aspect of ST. Like if you truly believe a mlvn breakup is gonna take up the whole 10+ hours series finale to come to a resolution, then I really don't know what to tell you.
but i think people focusing on only one aspect might literally be why they think there'll never be enough time like of course if you're expecting fanfic level of introspection to be made explicit you're never gonna get it and i understand why people think some of the introspection should be made more explicit in the show i do. but like. yeah no it doesn't make sense it's not because of a lack of time that they're not doing whatever you would like them to be doing😭 look at how long season 4 is!!! and people still have problems with it because. choices were made (but like i agree with you lol it's just a little paradoxical)
#but the way people say this about vecna things so often...and the way that's why i was talking about this...it literally makes no sense at#all like this person was saying i would want them to make vecna better because i think the character is interesting and has the potential#to be even more interesting but they won't have time :( and like. wdym. he's The antagonist you don't think he's one of the characters#they're making time for?#and when people worry because season 5 is shorter it doesn't make sense to me because like if they got a season 4 this long i'm sure#netflix would've given them a long season 5 too the final season being longer makes more sense but they said it would be shorter because#they know what story they're gonna tell? and they know it's not gonna be as lengthy?#and that's a good thing i hate how long season 4 is as i said literally this morning. <3#i know bigger cast and stuff like some of it will be disappointing im sure but the there cant possibly be enough time thing...there#definitely is?#ask
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fictional or not, dragon lore is always so interesting.
#I'm watching a DS3 lore video on the nameless king bc i wanted to figure out wtf is the dragonslayer armor's deal#but the greater lore around the dragons is SO fucking good and now I'm thinking about dragons lol#i could watch these dark souls/elden ring lore videos by VaatiVidya all day tbh#i LOVE how deep he goes with it. these worlds and their lore already feel huge but#as someone who's only played the third dark souls it rly makes me appreciate how complex and interconnected it is as a series.#sometimes i wonder if the creators ever watch these vids and think “we didn't mean all that but that's a great idea”#or if they watch it and get super happy like YES that is exactly what our subtle storytelling meant.#either way i have So so much respect for ppl who go and put together these lore videos#going as far as to look at game dumps and early releases/cut content and ALL the dialogue and item descriptions#for any one topic the lore is so scattered about and piecing together any single thing seems like such a massive undertaking.#like lmaooo i can't even follow a single questline without pulling up the wiki#a recent rabbit hole i went down too is how there are different times/realities even just DS3 takes place in?#like how in Untended Graves you see a world without light where darkness rules - and in ringed city when ur fighting those#dragons in the base of that big tree that's supposed to be the original firelink shrine and then the shrine u use is maybe The Past?#the past relative to the other shrine from the world where the flame went out w darkness ruling.#idk how the transition works from being in that one dude's garden in ur world to just walking right into the other one but idc.#just say i got twilight zoned or somethn lol. always. very interesting stuff :^} I'm not smart enough to pick up on anything in the moment#but it's SO fun watching what other people pieced together whose whole thing is that they go thru these games thoroughly.#and in a way it makes me not want to stop playing DS/ER bc there's just so much going on here that's so rewarding??#like. on TOP of the suuper deep lore the gameplay is also just super fun and u get HELLA weapons and special moves#and the modding scene has made some hella streamline tools that are so good these have been the first games I've ever MADE mods for!#like i can't think of any other games that are like this where I'm really encouraged it make it my own with such a helpful and#engaging community. I'm sure there r other games out there that are similarly engaging with deep lore and streamlined modtools#and mod communities but (〒﹏〒) 1. where?? 2. DS/ER are very beloved to me.#it's funny how little u have to know or do to beat their respective storylines. I've played them both a ton and still know so little.#and when i walk away from these lore vids I'm always like Woah 😵💫 yk? anyways.. that's my lil rant :3 back to work now
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It'd be nice not to feel like shit literally every night right before going to bed :(
#personal#negative#vent#i wish i were normal and went to sleep at a normal time for a normal amount of hours and had a normal amount of energy#and had normal feelings about normal stuff and were able to do normal things like talk to people i don't know irl#and be productive and shit and age appropriate development milestones and control my interests or something#idk. whatever normal people do#beyond that in fact. i don't just wish i were a normal person i wish i were a good one#i wish i deserved what i have and didn't constantly want to give up or at least turn off my feelings#i feel like i'm beyond help and no one believes me and that makes it feel worse lmao#honestly i don't actually believe normal people don't feel this way this often. idk. pretty sure they just don't say it#anyways sorry for venting and being cynical. is it late enough at night that i'm allowed to vent on main guiltlessly? i hope so#might delete later
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Oh look. I spent almost three days reading up on gender in the Middle Ages, seems like this was already too much academia for my brain, so I just got treated to a nice school-related nightmare.
#fuck school#and I say it with all my heart#FUCK THEM#I just want to read about crossdressing saints in peace#is that too much to ask???#I was really having fun too#and will again once I get back on track#just right now I'm a bit done and want to complain#see THIS is why I can't even imagine going into acedemics#this shit right here#I would be fairly good at it#something like social sciences or litterature or whatever#BUT I'M STILL TOO TRAUMATIZED FROM FUCKING SCHOOL#just the idea of going in a similar environment freaks me out#plus I have some serious complexes about feeling as if I'd been actively excluded#it took me literal YEARS to be able to read about Middle-Ages related stuff#it's a miracle that I got through film school without any major problems if you think about it#probably the magic power of a Special Interest#combined with the fact that it was very praxis-oriented#and different enough from 'normal' school#but yeah#anyway#this reminded me that ten years ago I was in the middle of a depressive phase#that made it completely impossible to see more than two days into the future#so compared to that...#we're getting there#personal#trauma
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,
#rant incoming.... ugh#so i need a letter of recommendation for my application to study in korea#and basically i haven't had the teacher i asked for it in class for a while so she said she doesn't remember too well how i was doing#so basically i sent her an email in korean for her to see but the thing is#i not confident in my korean at all#like i know i can say simple stuff#but the real problem is that i also know i still make many mistakes but I CANT TELL WHAT THE MISTAKES ARE#and that's such a horrible feeling to me#plus i keep feeling like i'm not good enough to even deserve to apply ????#and i can't even calm myself down by saying i've been studying hard and so if my skills aren't good enough i did everything i could#because i don't#i can't motivate myself unless i'm super stressed#and i keep trying to start studying but i know after a few weeks at most i#i'll lose interest and stop#i know i'm still doing my best in a way because i can't change the way my brain works and that it refuses to do stuff that's not fun enough#unless i'm under pressure#but on the outside it looks like i'm being lazy and not even doing the bare minimum and it's very hard to unlearn these patterns#of internalizing what i've learnt growing up is expected of me#and unlearning expectations i simply can't meet
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