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esta-elavaris · 9 months

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The shortest James and Theodora snippet known to man.

"Would you still love me if I looked like this?"

James glanced up from his book to look at his wife, who sat across the sitting room on the opposite sofa. She lounged back, one arm slung across the backrest, the wig he'd just divested himself of perched atop her head.

He snorted. "Absolutely not."

#james/theodora #james and theodora #i'm not doing anything with this #i just had to do it #that's it that's the story

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talesfromtheenchantedforest · 2 years

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this. this is it right here.

Then they seized each other by the arms and wrestled; Lancelot brought Meleagant down, tore off his helmet and threw it in the field, and knocked off his ventail. The king shouted not to kill him, while the queen made a sign to cut off his head. And Lancelot said to the king, “For your sake, I’ll allow him to stand up, but don’t ask for anything more.”

Meleagant raised himself up, and Lancelot struck and sent his head flying off into the field, while his body fell flat to the ground. Lancelot replaced his sword into his sheath.

— Lancelot Part IV, Chapter 113, editor Norris J. Lacy

#lancelot #guenevere #arthur #and murder #that's it that's the story #arthuriana

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masquerain-with-a-mask · 6 months

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so, funny story

for like, a week now i think, there's been a bag of soft bread in the fridge

nobody in my house knows why it's in the fridge, nor who put it in there

#rambles #that's it that's the story

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philliamwrites · 2 years

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breaking news: after watching witcher in one sitting, witcher! eren has me in a chokehold. no talk to me about anything until i have this filthy witcher au smut one-shot out, i just don't exist until then

#we're all clear that he's thicc as fuck #high waist pants pirate shirt eren come and fuck me up pls #BLACK HAIR GOLDEN EYES EREN YESSSSS #he calls his horse dolly (i don't make the rules)#about 98% sure reader will be a witch and she saves his life #AND THEN THEY FUCK #JUST FUCK THE WHOLE TIME #that's it that's the story #eren x reader #witcher eren #aot x reader #phill.rambles #phill.wip

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lindwurmkai · 9 months

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explanation for the new username is that i was regretting my choice to use ocean as an online alias because idk ... i don't wanna give off the impression i'm from an english-speaking country lol. as i was looking for a new one, i once again returned to kai - a name i had previously considered as a real life middle name but sadly discarded because it doesn't go well with my chosen first name, sound-wise.

in the process, i realised it was actually perfect for various symbolic reasons i won't go into here. it's so good i'm trying to talk myself out of being bothered by the sound combination so i can make it my middle name after all lol.

putting lindwurm in front of it was an idea that came to me after i had spontaneously registered on an unimportant website as drachenkai (drache = dragon) the other day. i wasn't quite happy with that one for complicated linguistic reasons, and then it hit me that i used to have a "lindwurm" theme anyway (i would sometimes use it as a fake last name), and that returning to it now would be like building a bridge between old and new special interests because i'm really into snakes rn and lindworms are variously portrayed as big snakes, snakes with arms, classic dragons, or anything in-between

also kai is a word meaning pier/wharf, so you could technically interpret this as the pier of lindworms or something, which amuses me.

#that's it that's the story #unless you wanna hear about the symbolic significance of kai or the linguistic reasons for not liking the dragon version 😂#lindwurm fits me better anyway #weirdo chronicles #...FUCK #now i'll have to run tag replace on my media commentary tag AGAIN #guess it'll be ''kai catches up'' from now on

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smallcowplant · 2 years

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🤫

victoria!!! here have some random dialogue bc I luv u:

-"You’re...levitating.” -“Yes, yes, I am. And it is absolutely none of your business.”

#u know that tiktok audio that's like ''it all started when a dumbass met another dumbass and they met another dumbass''#and they met ANOTHER dumbass #that's it that's the story #disenchanted extras #spoilers: disenchanted

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onlyseokmins · 2 years

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Juns hot. That’s it.

You are so right, he's drop dead gorgeous and hotter than the fires of hell 🔥

#Yk when u touch smth hot it's the tssss factor #That's it that's the story #ez.inbox #nonny 🎭

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chongoblog · 4 months

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Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

#based on a true story #im cooking more which is super cool

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who-canceled-roger-rabbit · 9 months

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Some spins on the "mostly male team with a token woman" trope:

The woman is trans and stayed in her old circle of bros even after transition

The woman is the only one in her circle of "girls" who didn't turn out to be a trans man

#of course even in that case i'd still make plenty of other characters female OUTSIDE the main team #there's a they wolf in my closet #gender #transgender #trans #lgbtq+#queer #story ideas #writing prompts

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smokiedokie · 5 months

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I opened my copy of The Tale of the Body Thief & immediately had to close it again because of this silly little annotation

#yes I spelled channel wrong #but honestly #totbt is just one long get ready with me YouTube story time #the vampire chronicles

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 14 days

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License to Kitty.

#dungeon meshi #izutsumi #marcille donato #chilchuk tims #I still stand by my tags on the Izutsumi character study piece I did in January - but I will repeat myself on a few lines here:#I *really* love this character. I love that all of the dungeon meshi crew are complicated and have difficult to love components.#But Izutsumi is a particular kind of hard to love. I foresee a lot of people being turned off by her abrasiveness and lack of teamwork.#She is very self-centered and openly goes against what the party agrees on.#She's a picky eater in a story that is 50% about eating good and healthy food!#It is in part about her growth but admittedly even *then* she remains rather true to her self-centeredness.#Even though she isn't as nice or funny or compassionate as the others...Izutsumi is still someone worth loving.#Even the more difficult people are someone worth loving.#And those people in turn are people who have something and someone they love.#She may be a girlcat but she is the most human of them all.#I hope that if you are an anime only watcher and are feeling put off by her at the moment; you'll give her a chance.#By the way: *yes* I worked very hard to draw that skateboard pose. It was worth it.#EDIT: HAPPY 500th POST OF POORLY-DRAW-MDZS!!! What a comic to commemorate the milestone with!

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newlevant · 6 months

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Preview of Sam Long’s story, drawn by the amazing Cynthia Yuan Cheng! (@cynthiaycheng, cynthiaycheng.com)

Becoming Who We Are Kickstarter ends Dec 14! Preorder now to help us fund the book!

bit.ly/becomingkickstarter

#becoming who we are #trans stories #trans kids #trans childhood #queer comics #trans comics #comics anthology #comics Kickstarter #Sam long #Cynthia yuan cheng #middle grade graphic novel #middle grade comics

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bloodraven55 · 12 days

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i’ve seen too many people arguing that marcille was already a full grown adult when she went to school at 35 despite literally all of the canon evidence indicating otherwise

#like trying to map fantasy race lifespans to exact equivalent human ages is pointless bc it simply does not work #so forget the numbers and start judging by how the story depicts the characters’ growth and maturity instead #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #marcille donato #dungeon meshi marcille #dunmeshi spoilers #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers

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mimimar · 2 months

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the woman who holds the moon

prints available here. my cover for this month's issue of baffling magazine.

#i can finally share this piece!#this cover was based on a short story called “moon bearer” by celia daniels that features on this issue of the magazine #the character designs are mine #also there's a sale on inprnt again so my prints are cheaper than usual!#illustration #artists on tumblr #illo #lesbian #wlw #sapphic #lesbian art #wlw art #sapphic art #queer art #baffling magazine #blue #moon #night sky #queer fantasy

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foldingfittedsheets · 3 months

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Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

#ffs foibles #funny #story #writing #story time #sex shop #retail #funny story #20lb ass #white whale #Santa

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breakingjustxn · 7 months

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well i mean, not wrong // credits: @screamingemonight on Instagram

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