#that’s what made him interesting
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Sorry to bother you with this i love all your takes except the shadow ones </3 but speaking of him and not even as being my fave but "blorbo in law" i have to disagree and defend him. Personally as an only game enjoyer i think his character hasn't been butchered like people say at least in the games except for forces(with the infinite thing), by contrast in all the other sonic media (that sega hasn't confirm canon btw)yeah there i can clearly see the butchery and occ moments and also a lot of misinformation due to his popularity that is exaggerated that has created a distorted version of him, maybe your dislike and desinterest of him has to do more with the fans and fanon perception influence? And the fact that with his polularity he is bound to be shoved everywhere, cuz to me the distorsion about his character comes from fans and outside sonic media that are not the games.
Also it's kinda funny and not a coincidence to me your love for gerald(not that he isn't interesting but come on he didn't love shadow, that was his creation and possession to help and save maria, yeah it is a complex relationship with affection for his creation but not love)(and i can never side with the doctor frankestain archetype as a good guy) and dislike for shadow lol fhdh Anyway those are my two cents trying to see it from a more neutral position✌excuse my english
hm.
1) it’s true i fucking HATE fanon shadow. people scrape off all of his interesting personality bits to make him more palatable and shippable. often they just make him exactly like knuckles but with More Trauma and slightly Angrier and that annoys the hell out of me.
2) it is also true that i hate the marketing they do with him. i hate the sonic twitter takeovers with him. and i HATE how he’s just often shoved into places where he shouldn’t have been (ie sonic colors & sonic frontiers twitter takeovers. he wasn’t IN THOSE GAMES. why is he THERE). they’re using him as a markability tool and little else and that’s honestly a huge disgrace.
3) my main issue with game shadow and other versions of him is that i just don’t like the direction they took with his character, at the very least lore wise. i think he should have stayed dead. sa2 was a narrative best self contained. the whole amnesia plot line was fucking stupid considering sa2 was ABOUT discovering shadow’s past. why have him forget it. the alien thing is fucking hilarious but also objectively kinda dumb as well. they brought shadow back from the dead and didn’t have a cohesive story for him because his arc was already solidified in sa2 and they just. keep repeating that arc over and over again, of him being Mad and then remembering Maria’s promise and then becoming Normal. because they want to keep shadow as sonic’s edgy rival without giving him a good enough reason to be. boom & forces are the worst examples of this. that’s my main issue with him. they don’t know what to do with him- his story is basically over with but they keep bringing him back over and over for no reason.
4. there’s honestly not that much evidence to support that gerald DIDNT love shadow. he literally gives shadow a soul based on maria in sonic battle. he cheers shadow on to destroy the black arms in shadow the hedgehog 2005. i really do think that gerald did love shadow, which makes it a whole other layer of tragedy for gerald to decide his hate for humanity outweighed his love for shadow and altered his memories to destroy the world. im just not fond of the narrative that gerald never loved shadow and only thought of him as an object when i don’t particularly think that’s true. i think it erases a whole level of nuance to both gerald’s character and shadow’s frustrations. he loved you but that wasn’t enough.
5) you’re welcome to your own opinions but like. can people stop telling me im wrong. you literally don’t have to defend him to me.
#i just think they should have let shadow stay dead at the end of sa2 i don’t think they’ve done too much that’s particularly compelling#to warrant him to stay alive#sonic battle & 06 were fantastic and i don’t mind his stuff in sonic rivals#but after that i think there was a big shift to make him a more Generic EdgyRival#which just. completely throws away what made him likeable in the first place. he WASNT a generic rival#that’s what made him interesting#anyway.#master emerald brothel
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So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.
And I kept wondering: why?
For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.
So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.
But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.
The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.
Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?
That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.
My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.
Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.
Milsiril the puppetmaster.
#Dungeon Meshi#Dungeon Meshi meta#Mithrun#Milsiril#Kabru#btw I'm working with the only translations I could find sorry#so keep that in mind#like it just seemed WEIRD to me#that gloomy introverted Milsiril#who left the life of a Canary behind#decided to do this Canary-adjacent work of helping this guy#maybe the queen made her do it because so many people died and they needed more Canaries idk!#but why would anyone pick Milsiril as a life coach? I really think it was her own choice#it's so interesting how we get these hints of a downright sinster Milsiril#I really like the complicated relationship she and Kabru have#struggling to fully humanize him from her elven perspective#but still taking him seriously wrt: his fears over being a monster or his desire to go to a party!#crazy stuff there#everything about Kabru and adjacent to Kabru is insane what a character#musings with Dea
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omgg i love your style, is beautifull how you draw Aziraphale and Crowley, but, omg will you draw more of chibi Crowley pls? (just if you want) ITS JUST SO CUTE 😭💕
#made him tinier just for you :3#aneh draws#aneh answers#also#odd post to hide this in but#if anyone's like#interested in agere go//mens content#message me#if you dont know what agere is pls dont ask fdkgndfkhkd#anyways#smol
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The narrator and the ugly ahh protagonist [Blank Scripts AU/non-canonical]
#tsp blank scripts au#non canonical art#shitpost#this is fr how people be drawing narrator and stanley.... narrator being way too handsome and stanley as a background character naahh..#honestly i just drew him like that because it was funny but then i got too attached to it like an idiot aghh#The Narrator (Black) is an entirely different made-up species originating from the ancient Arctic north#long before the Crystal Empire was even built.#The old one's tail only ever wags whenever Stanley is around. You can clearly tell who the favorite pony is#Imagine Black showing Stanley courtship behaviors like rolling on his back#showing his stomach to him#sliding his wings on his chin#trotting like a dancing mare around him#and generally just showing off to show Stanley that he's interested in him...#But because of the species difference (and because Stanley is one airheaded fella)#Stanley doesn't understand what Black is doing other than he looks beautiful while doing it.#the narrator (Black) can read Stanley's thoughts btw#so he knows what that silly guy is thinking about :)#tsp au#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#mlp#my little pony#mlp oc#my little pony oc#tsp#tspud#tsp narrator#narrator tsp#stanley tsp#tsp stanley
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all the rise boys get done dirty on characterization by fandom in different ways i think. (not ALL the time every fanwork etc etc these are just like, trends i tend to notice?) every fandom suffers from losing character nuance.
- leo i’ve talked about plenty on this blog, how some of his canon traits (genuine belief in his skill and cockiness, capacity for joy, his manipulativeness whether for good or ill) seem to get watered down or wiped off the board and supplemented with generic sad boy. his struggles with purpose and identity and not wanting to fail somehow morph into “he hates and completely holds no value for himself”
- donnie’s canon personality gets blurred out and largely replaced with whatever list of Neurodivergent Traits. and i think there’s such a fine line to walk between exploring a character that’s been word of god confirmed as on the spectrum and overwriting what’s canonically there. it’s a hard needle to thread. it also feels like a lot of his canon emotiveness gets left off the table for some reason. bc he does have his moments of flat/deadpan delivery, but a lot of the time he’s honestly very emotive. he has the passion of a theatre kid and the vindictiveness of... also a theatre kid. and the mind of a scientist.
- raph loses so much of his rowdy teen boy energy it’s kind of wild? like interpretations sand off that he’s also impulsive and can be reckless and dumb and LOVES fighting and roughhousing and isn’t the most eloquent person. suddenly there’s this pitch perfect soft boy big bro who would never hurt a fly and always says the exact right supportive thing and singlehandedly raised his 3 brothers (which simultaneously sands off all the nuance of splinter’s issues emotionally connecting with his sons and how that affected all of them). and like i LOVE raph, he’s so full of love and care and anxiety, he clearly has learned to put a lot of work into being aware of his strength and size. but there’s a difference you know?
- mikey is like. where raph gets overparentified by fanon, mikey gets over “family therapist”-ed IMO. the impulsiveness, the goofiness, the powerful emotions including a VERY powerful temper, the flat-out dumb teen boy choices... they get ignored. suddenly there’s this only very sweet and earnest boy who has read a hundred psychology books and runs group family therapy weekly or something. he is crying in his room bc leo and raph are arguing about something. which is so. he IS very sweet and can be very earnest and is full of love! he HAS come in with his opinions and unsolicited advice a couple of times and life coached for the greater good. but there’s a difference between what he does in canon and the role he gets in fanon.
#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#idk this is not a very eloquent rundown its very hard to explain exactly my vibe#ig the long story short is i feel like a lot of their most interesting and fun qualities get left in the dust#mikey as family therapist is getting under my skin the most rn i think its just so.#for as much as it seems like his brothers try to shelter him (esp raph with his overprotectiveness)..... i just dont see it#i dont see his brothers and definitely not his dad putting their issues on him like that...#him dragging donnie into that one dr feelings session and dragging draxum into a new moral alignment were different#than 'yeah everyone tells mikey their stuff and he has to do the labor of helping with it'#like it just doesnt vibe for me#i think he is very emotionally OPEN on all levels compared to his family#i think he is more likely to share when HE struggles#i dont think raph or leo is sitting with him at 3am like 'it all started when i was 4 and accidentally broke a plate' or what have you idk#it's all so ymmv i do just scroll past stuff i dont vibe with i dont drop hate on it i just#idk dudes its so hard to see the appeal in some of the choices made
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Sorry for the stupid line callback he was just like. Specifically requested or something. Idk .
#Corvus#Corvus tdp#tdp#the dragon prince#aaravos#aaravos tdp#mystery of aaravos#my art#the nova blade#I know narratively Soren’s probably gonna have it bc aaravos was the catalyst for his family’s shit#even though it was their faults in the first place#but like yk what I mean#STILL THOUGH.#if ezran is faced with the need to take a life to keep peace#I think Corvus should offer to take that burden from him yk#maybe I made up how much they care about each other in my head#but in my head oh boy it’s interesting#btw the constellation behind them is the one in the intro with the cello
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Anyways i also think that Chuuya SHOULD NOT be the Port Mafia boss to be totally honest witchu. If his entire experience with the Sheep, and the way he cracked under pressure as the interim leader during cannibalism, and like, THE BEAST EPILOGUE, had anything to say it's that Chuuya's not fit to be the leader of an organization such as that.
Bc Chuuya's good at adapting, he's good at spur of the moment decisions. He's good with battle tactics. We see his actual leadership abilities shine when he's commanding the mafia troops to protect the city during the guild arc. In cannibalism, his plan to rush the ADA with a full frontal attack was a SOLID idea. But he loses his advantage as soon as he hesitates and opens the table for negotiation instead.
BECAUSE Chuuya's not good at playing the long game like Mori or Dazai. He's reactionary and it's his nature to get overwhelmed by his emotions. He takes on too much responsibility but loses focus due to personal reasons. That what happens in 15 where he blows off the Sheep to go on a life changing field trip with Dazai. That's why he was taken out of the picture so easily to go on a life changing field trip with Ranpo in Cannibalism. (Damn maybe this is why he's on a life changing field trip with Fyodor as a vampire currently).
Essentially even though Asagiri has been really tying Chuuya's character with the themes of leadership, we've mostly been shown why he wouldn't be a good fit. Either this plot point will trend towards Chuuya actually learning how to be a good leader OR he won't end up as one. IN ANY CASE what we know abt Chuuya makes me really think that being the Port Mafia's boss is a terrible idea. He's not fit for the role and frankly, I think he'd hate it.
#another interesting thing: kunikida and chuuya are obviously made to be foils.#and the two of them are currently set up to be the next leaders of their respective organization BUT#were consistently shown that when they ARE in that position they can't handle the pressure#they both crack under stress. they both act self sacrificial.#Kunikida is agreed by everyone to be the agency's next president but tbh i think that's also a TERRIBLE IDEA.#kunikida forces himself to fit a standard. making him the agency's president is only doubling down on a damaging self opinion i think#and honestly i think ranpo would be a good fit for the next leader tbh. thats another story#bsd#meta i guess?#i might expand on the kunikida thing later#ALSO wtf does chuuya DO as an executive?? WHATS HIS ROLE???
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meow
#i feel like i should have made his ears a little bigger in th first pic. maybe ill go back and edit it later#GET WRINKLED IDIOT#i first thought of drawing him as a sphinx cat bc i looked at his third eye like hm... if he had wrinkles he could hide his eye#its also very fun imagining him wearing head coverings and hoods cause hes so fucking nakey#kinda makes me wanna draw him more... sphinxes are fun to draw. i kinda wanna make a sphinx design now <- loves designing characters#a thought i had while drawing this is that if only few had seen narinder before (like the lamb and previous vessels) then not many would#know what he looks like. since hes supposed to be death and the only time you see him is when you die and pass on i guess??#so i think it would be an interesting situation if the lamb just introduced narinder as some guy without telling anyone he is or used to be#the one who waits.. smth like a false idolatry situation so everyones like. oh wow our leader has been channeling the messages#of the one who waits for so long its almost like they have become death itself!! ^_^ and narinder is just. standing there#maybe if he gets enough power he can grow more eyes between his wrinkles like in his eldritch form. that would b cool#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl fanart#my art#myart#doodles#the one who waits
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Man “Battle Nexus: New York” was a great episode but I do have one major gripe with it.
Like. Raph being paired up with Ghostbear? Makes sense. Works great. Works amazing, even.
Mikey being paired up with Meatsweats? Yeah that checks out!!
Donnie getting…Hypno…? I mean. I guess Donnie doesn’t like magic so it kindaaa works but Kendra would have been a much better choice to me personally. Maybe Big Mama didn’t wanna include a human or something…
And Leo getting…uh…one of the Sando Brothers???? Of all villains? Nah let’s be real, his main villain is more Big Mama herself (or Leo could be considered his own worst enemy lmao-). Hell Hypno would have probably worked better here considering their shared love for magic tricks and stuff, but Carl Sando????
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#battle nexus: new york#nah this will always be baffling to me#like no joke big mama really is Leo’s main villain so it makes sense that she’s not paired with him#given that she’s running this all#but giving him ONE of the Sando brothers?? not even both???#outrageous#hypno or even warren would have been better here tbh#at least there’s some basis there for both and either option would have been so fun#not that what we got WASNT fun it def was but the sando bro was the weak link because no one cares about him#and I would have killed for a Donnie Kendra forced team up 😭#Donnie also could have worked with Stockboy ig or hell even Repo tbh?#but Kendra is the much more interesting and fitting choice here for him imo#honestly though this post was made because I do NOT understand the choice of CARL SANDO#both of them together are forgettable enough#separating them gets rid of the one thing they even had#I remember watching and being like who tf is that#he’s got some funny moments but man anyone would have been better 😭#going back to Kendra and Donnie because I LOVE their dynamic#the result of their team up could have ended exactly the same as canon#only instead of Kendra not knowing chess it’s instead her and Donnie arguing about what the right move would be#and they never actually make a move because of it
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rotating this fucked up cat in my head like a rotisserie chicken
#my art#cotl#cotl narinder#i was ruminating on the robes that the followers wear in game#and i thought it was interesting that high loyalty followers have a third eye stitched onto their hoods#because like on narinder this eye would go right where his actual third eye is#so are the robes made in the image of the red crown? or of him?#well even if the eye was a reference to the appearance of the one who waits. the followers prob think its the crown's eye#something to be said about how there is no imagery of the one who waits in the cult supposedly made to worship him#like babygirl i dont think thats great planning for ensuring this cult remains devoted to you. look whats happened now#ANYWAYS the robes are a little bit of his getup from the veil and a little bit high loyalty follower robes#and also a little bit inversion of the lamb's fleece#the bell is also a ref to lamby's get up ofc#but also its to stop narinder from scaring the shit out of followers. its not working
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Red, White & Royal Blue + media
#rwrbedit#rwrbsource#rwrb movie#red white and royal blue#firstprince#i worked on this on and off for a month#bc i couldnt make up my mind on what to include so in the end i only made the stuff that are canon#alex claremont diaz#prince henry#henry fox mountchristen windsor#henry#so happy 2 months#alexs speech was shown to be playing on pbs#ig post is from the waiter at the wedding#thats him as the pfp lmao#spent so long deciding what the pbs headline should be but#ofc people would be most interested in firstprince confirmation
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I feel ill. All the fools and villains who ever fell for my ploys, they're — they're here!
#gamingnetwork#vgedit#videogameedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#gameplaydaily#bg3edit#bg3#bgedit#bg3 astarion#astarion#astarion ancunin#:(#i think this scene is so interesting and speaks to why i get so annoyed by the 'any portrayal of astarion#as having an degree of a conscience or goodness in him is stupid and woobifying. hes chaotic evil and thats IT' thing#the grief and guilt. the way he tries to talk himself into it. the way he removes HIS OWN autonomy to do it. pretends theres no other choic#esp in the context of other moments where he preens when hes called good. he LIKES being smth other than what cazador made him#but hes so SCARED. he spends this dialogue talking himself into killing them and he HAS to talk himself into it BECAUSE this kind of evil#isnt easy to him despite it all. theres still scraps of a conscience there yknow? and he hides it from himself by pretending hes less free#astarion is fun BECAUSE hes weird and contradictory and a bad person with the capacity 4 good. BECAUSE he doesnt know what he actually want#also i love the idea of him in this moment rly thinking abt the player....like whether theyre friends or romances#a player whos been really kind and loving to him...kept him safe....trusted him....#thinking about how they let their guard down for him and how in his old life THIS would have been the life#hed been damning them to....years and centuries in a tiny cage somehow even worse than his
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Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is [...] “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss. [...] “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.”
Kafka Asagiri, for the BSD exhibition
On Mori and regret.
This man acts based on his perceived "optimal solution". It means relying on cold logic, detached from (his own and others') emotions. In that way, he fits right in as one of the smart characters of BSD, contrasting for example Dazai's way of working with/around people's feelings, and Fyodor's way of manipulating and twisting those feelings into monsters.
Mori remains cold, logical, distant, efficient. It meant disregarding Yosano's and the soldiers' deteriorating mental health during the war because the concept of an army that cannot be wiped out was too good. It meant following Natsume's plan and taking the old boss' place himself to fix Yokohama's underground and protect the city and its people. It also meant disposing of Mimic by sacrificing Oda in order to get the special ability business permit, despite (and perhaps because of) Dazai's attachment to the man.
The thing is, humans are not logical creatures, and will inevitably encounter conflicting emotions.
(does this look like the face of a man without regrets to you?)
Mori in Dark Era tried to pass on to Dazai his practice of putting aside his own feelings for the sake of choosing the most efficient solution that will benefit the group. It backfired spectacularly, so much so even, that Mori regrets it to this day.
For the BSD exhibition, Asagiri wrote some individual character commentaries, all very interesting insights into their characters and the writing intentions. For Mori, here's what he wrote:
“He who fell out of the optimal solution”
Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is described in the novel “Dark Era” and “Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen”. That is “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss.
There is an unspoken additional point to it. “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.” We can catch a glimpse of that in this scene. [the ADA-PM alliance meeting]
Mori’s expressions after “Burnt it.” and “Like what you did to your predecessor”, gave us a glimpse of his true feelings that were made sacrifices for the sake of the “logical optimal solution”.
(By the way, it goes without saying that Dazai is inducing Mori’s thoughts by words that will make him regret the past. It is to make him decide to form an “alliance”.)
source and translation: Popopretty
(notice the inclusion of Hirotsu in this scene. Remember that later, Hirotsu suggests that Dazai knows why Mori did what he did to overthrow the old boss, which, in my opinion, is both a proof of Dazai's support in Mori's goal, and a reminder to uphold it.)
One of my favourite parts of the Dark Era light novel is a small scene during the epilogue that was not adapted into the anime. This is two weeks after Dazai defected:
To quote Asagiri again, "Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings." Mori is conflicted about the outcome of the Mimic incident. He holds in his hands the Silver Oracle he himself gave to Oda, and reflects on its purpose: to "help the man mentioned above without hesitation in the face of any and all trials". Didn't he fail to do just that with Oda? Didn't he set him up and sent him to his doom? Didn't he abandon him to his trial?
But he rationalizes the events by saying he got the permit they so badly needed. No matter if he sacrificed one of his men. No matter if he drove Dazai away. He accomplished his priceless goal. It was a total success.
And yet, he poorly folds a paper airplane with the very Silver Oracle he gave Oda, throws it, watches it crash immediately, and mourns the loss of his right-hand man, without ever moving on.
But we have a direct example of Mori expressing regret.
The perception that Mori in BEAST is a completely different character than Mori is in canon, when that perception doesn't extend to any other character from that universe, rubs me the wrong way. The characters in BEAST are very similar to their canon selves, with some core traits getting a new twist. They are all one or two major life changes away from becoming these versions of themselves. As far as we know, Mori's only life-altering event was being forcefully removed from the Port Mafia by Dazai, and secretly put in charge of Atsushi's old orphanage.
Mori unambiguously made that orphanage a better place, as stated by Atsushi himself. BEAST!Mori is a lot softer, vulnerable and honest. That Mori offers to be a father to Atsushi while he heals. He also expresses regret in not being able to help Dazai when he was in his care.
I think it's very interesting, especially when knowing that Asagiri wrote both BEAST and Fifteen at the same time for the Dead Apple movie, because in Fifteen we have this:
The beginning of the first chapter of Fifteen is a gold mine. It is narrated from Mori's point of view, the man of logic and calculations, and yet it is full of doubt. He is alone and struggling to fix everything with so many people against him. But, throughout this scene about grasping at the Port Mafia's power, there is also this secondary thought being woven in, of Mori having started to actually care for Dazai.
The teenager is scary to him, smart enough to be a threat should he decide to be done with all this and turn against him, and yet, he immediately (and with a hint of sadness) finds that Dazai reminds him of himself. This lonely, lonely man found a kindred spirit, bright enough to grasp any situation in seconds and prone to using an uncomfortable obsession to divert and keep you guessing his true intentions. Mori entered Mentor Mode™ then. He taught Dazai his ways, he shared his struggles and thought process, he fought tooth and nail to keep him alive.
So when he asked Dazai why he wanted to die, it was with the concern of someone who has started to care. It was with the mind of someone who is trying to prevent the worst by fixing the problem at its source.
(translation: Reneray)
But it's also that self-projection/ability to relate that made him drive Dazai away, when he pushed too hard and forced Dazai to adhere to his optimal solution philosophy. Because Dazai cannot separate himself from his attachments, could not ignore his emotions like Mori does, and chose Oda over Mori's logic. From Dazai's point of view, that was betrayal. Mori and him were accomplices!
Dazai planted the idea that Mori was afraid of him taking over as boss, and Mori seems to agree with that thought (would it be because he feared for his life, or for Dazai's ability to replace him?) Yet, for a man afraid of his closest subordinate backstabbing him, he seems to be hanging on quite hard to the possibility of Dazai coming back, leaving his seat open to this day, inviting him back twice in the same arc, and...
(yeah I used this picture at the start too. "I hAvE nO rEgReTs" he says)
Mori may try to convince himself he feels no regrets and no guilt over his own actions by weighting gains and losses objectively, but he still hurts and has a very hard time moving on. He's human despite his best efforts, prone to mistakes and doubts. He's lonely and wishes to impart his knowledge onto others. His cold logic has both helped him in fixing the city, and alienated him from some of the people he most cared about.
In a similar vein, should the ADA employee transfer be of topic again, and should Mori clash with Yosano again, I wish we get to see some similar conflicting emotions in Mori between the usefulness of Yosano's ability, and Yosano herself as a person. The war was 14 years ago, that's a long time, and I want to believe that counts for something.
#there carrot i finished it 4 u#i can't be normal about mori and i've been having Many Thoughts about him#i needed that out of my system and lost the plot twice so uh. I hope this reads somewhat fine.#i could have started on twelve different tangents i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT MORI#i love mori i'm not even going to excuse or justify myself read the post#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd analysis#bsd meta#bsd mori#bsd mori ougai#bsd beast#bsd beast spoilers#apparently i talk sometimes#what does it mean about him trying to get yosano back all these years later now that she's a grown-up with the means to oppose him?#is it only about her ability? or did 14 years of hardships made him reflect in any way at all?#food for thought (while we wait to see if that plotline gets cancelled or goes anywhere interesting)
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Thinking about the what if El was never interested in Mike romantically, she just assumed she was discourse on the tag today and how it's very possible what could make El fully realize this, is when in s5 she see's Will's love for Mike in real time, for the first time, and she's just like damn! That is not me!
#byler#no but arguably that already happened..#remember that! you're the heart#el listening: you're the what now?? im sorry but that's corny as hell. could not be me!#i feel like this could be how el confronts will in s5 about lying to mike#i think it's interesting they had that talk with will and el about her lying to him with will calling her out#if to not circle back to it in some way for her to be like hypocrite much?#tho i doubt that's how it would happen#i have a feeling el is going to understand in will's case in contrast to her and mike's argument#like will and el are siblings so yeah they fight#but i just get the feeling she's going to sense something is up with them (already does)#and something big will happen and i feel like she's going to see the truth before they're able to#and i think will is probably going to realize last because he really does not think it could ever happen now#and also because of el i think will would feel like its wrong unless he was confident she would be okay with it#so i could totally see will not allowing himself to be happy in that sense even if he realized mike could return his feelings#but by then mike's already made his peace with el and they're good#UGHHGHHG s5 arrive now!#no but isn't it kind of side eye that they've never shown us el be confronted with mike and wills friendship at all?#like in s1 and s3 at the end Mike mentions will in his plans with el#and that's about where it ends#we have not seen her exposed to their dynamic and like reacting to it before#UNTIL THE END OF S4!!!
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I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.
I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.
The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...
Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.
I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.
And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?
It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.
To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.
In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.
Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.
So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.
What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.
Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain#so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash#i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent#what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving#is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt#and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists#so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character#so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of#'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him'#but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid#and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like#the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of#being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths#then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part#and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts#and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine#this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer#and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like#how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil#and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit#like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma#but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel#and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple#bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed#but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal
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(If Cesare is dissatisfied that Micheletto isn't his brother instead of Juan) "Not exactly, because Cesare and Micheletto's relationship is more or less secret, hidden. They don't know too much about each other. Well, Micheletto has absolutely no grasp of what the rest of Cesare's life is, and Cesare is very respectful of Micheletto being so secretive about himself, and I don't think he really wants to know. It's not really a friendship, because there is an idea of hierarchy, but it's not master and slave, either. It's not boss and employee. It's something very complex. It's not equal, but there is a lot of trust. While with Juan, I think it all comes from a very deep place. His brother faces different struggles and is very naive, so Cesare pushes him by teaching him lessons. He also understands how hard it must be to do that, or at least he had good intentions towards him in the beginning, with some sort of really loving brotherly undertone under all of this hard teaching." — François Arnaud
#interesting! it seems like cesare is deliberately closing himself off after he killed juan when he could've had a friendship with micheletto#i also feel like micheletto was in love with him but he just knows he doesn't have a chance#actually i'm about to say something sooooooo unholy and unhinged i need to get locked up behind bars#don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say—#anyway micheletto fucking juan because that’s the closest he can get to ces[GUNSHOT] [CAR CRASH] [FLAT LINE]#wait what if i made a juan x micheletto gifset just for shits and giggles#also why was cesare having so much homoerotic tension with the both of them tears in my eyessss#cesare borgia#juan borgia#the borgias#theborgiasedit#perioddramaedit#tvgifs#tvarchive#cinemapix#smallscreensource#usereverything#micheletto corella#juan and cesare#by jen
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