#that the second “cancellation” message did not hit me as hard as it did for others - like i'd already absorbed that reality | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eclairfromleclerc · 1 year

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Hello everyone. It’s been a long long time since I posted here but I guess life has caught up. I have been writing this chapter for god knows how long because I just couldn’t bring myself to write certain scenes. I still have so many ideas and directions about where this fic can go but as you understand, I need my time to actually try and write those ideas. I am now giving you the 8th chapter of this story which is a generous 14.6 K words to make up for my long long absence. I really hope there will be people still interested to read this. Always keep in mind that english isn’t my native language so pardon any mistakes or inclarities. I hope you will enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Wait patiently for the next part. Take Care, xx.

All’s Fair

(Toto Wolff x Reader) Chapter 8

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5 chapter 6 chapter 7

Landing in Jeddah feeling like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, after closing the deal with the Bahraini investors from your Monday meeting, is the only thing you could have asked for. Nothing has been bothering you for the past few days but the fact that Christian still hasn't said anything about you being late to your meeting, made you feel a little weird. Your little text exchanges with Toto made up for the whole madness.

As soon as your phone connects to the network you see a new notification popping up.

Christian Dad Horner

No need to come over today, I got everything scheduled for the press, me and Helmut will handle it

Get some rest.

You raise your eyebrow reading , not knowing what your father is up to. Is he drunk? Is he out of his mind? You lock your phone and get off the plane. You check in your hotel, go to your room and settle in. As you take your clothes off your suitcase you find once again Toto’s Mercedes shirt in it and you take it out and put it on a hanger and in your closet. Thursdays are supposed to be a fun day in the paddock because of all the media and generally relaxed vibe that everyone has. The fact that no sessions take place on Thursdays doesn’t mean everyone isn’t working hard but still Christian thought your presence was not necessary, so here you are. Your phone rings with a new notification

Wolff

What’s your schedule for the press today?

You

Christian told me he and Helmut will handle it, I won’t be joining today

I am just bored, sitting in my hotel room

You open the camera on the app and snap a picture of your computer on your bed and some snacks nearby and you hit send

Wolff

So you get to relax.

Enjoy it for all of us who have to work

You

Will do :)

You spend the rest of your day in your room and meet Max to grab dinner at the hotel restaurant. Much less eventful for a usual race week Thursday.

The next day you wake up, have breakfast and get ready to leave for the track. You check you have everything you need with you including your iPad and your badge to get in the paddock and you drive the Aston Martin, you lease for the weekend, to the track. You get to the entrance and scan your badge. To your surprise the screen in front of you shows a red cross and a message saying ‘Access Denied’. You try once again but the same message appears. You reach for your phone to call Christian to get you from the entrance. You wait for a couple of seconds before you hear his voice, the noise from the garage familiar to your ears.

“Hey Dad”

“Hello” you hear him answering

“It seems like my pass isn’t working, can you please come here and let me through?” you ask

“Oh I am quite busy right now sweetheart.”

“Can you send someone else instead?”

“Um, I am sorry I have to tell you this but there’s a reason why your pass isn’t working.”

“What ?”

“It is going to remain like this for sometime, before I trust you to come back to the team”

“Did you cancel my pass because of what happened on Monday?”

“You should have been ready for this. I can’t discuss it more right now, we are having a meeting before FP1”

“Can you at least let me know about the meeting?”

“No, you are not in the team currently so, nothing to share. Feel free to fly back to England or Monaco with the next flight you find” Christian tells you and then ends the call.

Thank god you thought about moving a bit further from the entrance so no one heard your discussion with your father. You feel a rush of anger coming at you but you hold yourself and walk as gracefully as you can back to your car, as people are watching you. You drive off the track and you pull over at the first parking space you see. You sit there in silence, since you were so confused that you didn’t even think to put some of your playlists on, and you try to realize what is happening. You let out a scream and tears roll over your face as you think of your father and all his five year old antics. But then you get the best and the worst idea you could possibly come up with. You drive fast back to your hotel and you run to your suite. You open the closet, grab Toto’s Mercedes shirt, stuff it in your new bag that you haven’t worn in public, put on some tight black pants, some flat shoes and search furiously for that Mercedes face mask that Toto gave you that day in your travel bag. You get back to your car and drive to the track again, pulling over to wear the shirt and making yourself look like a mercedes employee. You leave the car a bit farther than usual so that fans don’t recognize you coming out of the car with the Mercedes gear. You once again walk to the paddock entrance. Hair tied on a bun, face mask and huge Gucci sunglasses covering your face. You get there not having thought of a way to get in. So you go with your instincts.

“Hey” you say to the security guard.

“Hi, how may I help you?”

“Um, I am a new employee for Mercedes but I can’t seem to find my badge to get in.” you say with the best American accent that you have. Not that it mattered since the guard was Saudi Arabian. “Can you maybe call Mr. Wolff to come here? I’ll explain the situation to him”

“I’ll reach Mr Lord.” he says

“No, no. You should call Mr.Wolff instead. I am not sure Mr. Lord is aware of my arrival here.”

“I’ll try to call Mr. Wolff then.”

5 minutes later you see the Austrian walking to the entrance of the paddock and on his way there he waves to people, greets others and takes some photos.

He goes to the security guard that called him

“What is it?” he asks

“This lady claimed that she’s a new employee for your team but she seems to have lost her badge, she insisted that I should call you instead of Mr. Lord.”

Toto turns to look at you and you don’t hesitate. If you are going to get in, this is your chance.

“Hello Mr. Wolff. My name is Mindy Roosevelt, I am here from the American branch of Daimler.” you say-again in your american accent- not being even 1% sure that you are making any sense. “I was sent here to assist you but it has been a really tricky week for me.” you look at Toto and he looks as confused as ever. “I was supposed to be here yesterday but my flight was canceled so I had to travel to Abu Dhabi to catch a connecting flight.” you try to give him hints of who you are, not being sure he understands. “ I had to look for the advisor of Daimler US Anri Hakkassan to give me my badge but then my wallet got stolen at the airport so I was left without a badge and my ID to show you who I am.” you see Toto’s eyes getting wider and wider as he realizes who you are. Your story seemed convincing for the security guard but Toto can’t leave you outside. He takes a deep breath

“Ah yes miss Roosevelt I was waiting for you all day. Sorry to hear this. Come on.” he says and signals to the guard to let you through. You walk in the paddock and to the Mercedes hospitality, Toto not hesitating for a minute at the thought of you coming from another team. As soon as you both get in you see Bradley drinking coffee in the main lounge area of the motorhome and he greets you.

“I don’t want anyone bothering me for the next half an hour at least” he says to Bradley and he walks to his office as you follow him closely. You close the door behind you and Toto reaches and locks it. You take off your mask trying to apologize for the mess you’ve created.

“I am so sorry Toto” you say and you hear him laugh

“What is this?” he asks as he continues laughing

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I am just wondering how the hell you got yourself in this situation.”

“Christian blocked my paddock pass”

“He did what?” he asks looking slightly amused

“This isn’t funny Toto, you know how much I love being in the team”

“That’s why you are hijacking my team?” he asks

“Christian thought that removing me from the team for a couple of races is a good way to punish me for being late at that meeting we had.”

“He did it just because you were 35 minutes late?”

“You don’t realize Christian has a mind of a five year old when it’s about work right?”

“You said the investors were not mad that you were late, you even managed to charm them into signing a deal.”

“Yeah but Christian was mad, and he says it’s not about the investment, it’s about basic work ethic. Anyways, I can’t buy a paddock pass because I am not the type to sit in the lounge to watch the race. I need to be in the team. Plus I can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me depressed because I am not at the pitwall or the garage.”

“How stubborn.”

“Yeah I am.”

“That’s very Horner of you.” he tells you and you roll your eyes at his obvious reference to your father’s stubbornness.

“You are my only chance Toto, the other teams don’t even have a reason to accept me, except from Alpha Tauri, but I can’t go begging Franz about a paddock pass when he is clearly influenced by my dad.”

“Why are we even your only chance, we are your main competitors.” he asks

“I swear to god Toto I will do anything just to be here until Christian decides to drop the farce that he started. I will sign an NDA, I will keep my mouth shut about anything I see, I will delete it from my mind. Just let me be in the garage for the next few races.”

“How many races?” he looks at you

“I don’t know 3 maybe 4?” you tell him barely whispering.

“That’s a lot.” he replies “But for you I’ll try to do my best.”

You try not to scream as you stand up from your seat, walk to his chair and hug him. You catch him off guard as he widens his eyes but then you feel his tension leaving him.

“From now on you are Mindy Roosvelt and you came here to assist me as a part of your internship at Daimler US. You studied in New York, and you are American. You don’t know for how many races you’ll be here but it’s not long term.” Toto says taking his teacher look

“Understood.”

“You should never remove your mask in front of others, just tell them that you are at risk or something. Don’t wear high heels. We should do something about your hair so that people won’t realize it’s you and I advise you to wear sunglasses as much as possible, I’ll have Lewis hand me his collection from the Police Collaboration.”

“I’ll buy a wig. Can I have some more shirts and a couple of masks?”

“Is this shirt mine?” he asks and you nod “Looks good on you.” he says

“I’ll use yours then.” you tell him and you see him grinning.

“I’ll have someone send you a couple of shirts, pants and shoes. I'll request your new paddock pass and I will be printing your NDA.”

“If anything leaks into Red Bull I swear I’ll be the first to go to court even if I am innocent.” you tell him and he laughs “Don’t laugh, I need you to see how serious I am about this. I won’t be saying anything to anyone.”

“I trust you. The NDA part is only about the team having to be legally protected.”

“Okay” you say

“Your office must be ready. It’s just the room next door, please lock it when you’re in.” he advises you “And please don’t forget your American accent once you go outside.”

“I won’t forget. If we happen to see Christian around, just stay calm, I’ll handle it.”

“Okay” he says and you sit in silence for a couple of minutes.

“I’ll go next door now.” you say and you stand up. “Oh sorry Toto, can I ask you about one last thing?”

“What is it?”

“Christian told me that I am free to leave with the next flight so I will be checking out of the hotel and I thought maybe I should be at the Mercedes hotel?”

“I’ll arrange it. See you later.” he replies as you put on your mask and go to the room next door.

20 minutes later you hear the door knocking, you stand up and reach for it

“Who is this?”

“Miss Roosevelt, I am Mariah. Mr. Wolff gave me something for you.”

You put your mask on and open the door

“Come on in.” you tell her and she steps into your fake office

“I have this new iPad for you, Toto wanted you to have this. It has all of the passwords you’ll need and direct access to Toto’s schedule so you’ll know where you will be going and what you’ll be doing.”

“What passwords are there?”

“Company email, team communications and private accounts.”

“Okay thank you Mariah.”

“If you need anything else please do not hesitate to ask me, have a nice day.” she tells you and she leaves the office as you lock the door and remove your mask

You reach for your phone and text Toto

You

Didn’t need to have access to all of this

Wolff

You have to If we are planning this lie correctly.

I also sent you the details on your company email about the hotel room. I arranged it.

You

Give me a minute I’ll have to get used to all of this.

The iPad is nice, I’ll give it back once I get all the details.

Wolff

Adaptability is key

Keep the iPad I don’t want you walking around the paddock with your old one, it’s practically a part of your looks, everyone will realize it’s you

Wolff

Anyways gotta work, I will be in the garage with Nyck for FP1, you’re welcome to hang by the fantasy island if you ever get the energy.

For any question just text or call.

You sit around for a while until your phone rings with a new notification from your calendar for the session starting in 5 minutes and as soon as you get it you stand up and leave for the garage. This time though it feels different. You used to take all your stuff with you in your pit wall seat but now there’s no pitwall seat, you’ll be just standing next to Toto, in the garage. You never got to stay in the garage, Christian always made sure you had a place at the pitwall, the garage was essentially a passage to get from the hospitality to the pitwall. You never spent a whole session in there, but now you will. The difference is the garage is not the one you are used to. It’s the Mercedes one and it’s clean, organized and much more hospitable than the one at Red Bull. At the long entrance of the garage there’s someone looking at you, making sure that you’re one of them. Little does he know, you think.

“I am looking for Mr. Wolff.” you tell him

“He’s sat at the fantasy island with Nyck. You’ll see them once you get in.”

And you certainly do. The fantasy island splits the garage in two smaller ones for the two drivers of Mercedes, you get next to Toto and you don’t say a word. You look around you trying to take everything in, how the garage looks, how everyone is focused on what they’re doing and Toto next to you trying to manage everything that’s happening. He’s too far in to realize that you’re next to him and he nearly jumps as you touch his arm.

“Sorry” you say quietly behind your mask.

“It’s okay, I never realized that you came.”

“Well, I couldn’t turn down the proposal, plus I am supposed to be your assistant so I have to be with you.”

“I am not complaining.” he says and thank god Nyck is too busy chatting with Bradley next to you. Bradley hasn’t asked anything about you, he just keeps looking and staring at you but he’s not saying anything.

For the next half an hour you see Lewis and George doing their laps, coming and leaving the garage during the session but during all this time you realize that you haven’t looked at the RedBull’s performances. The Mercedes garage felt like home for some reason. You weren’t doing nothing, you were just standing with your headphones on hearing comments about the car that you swear to yourself that you will never reveal to your team. Next to you Toto sits and watches the whole team working like a well oiled machine that he engineered. You are sure that he feels proud of himself, he has that grin on his face that makes you think so. You don’t know him really well but you have learned to pick some of those signs from the times that you’ve seen him around or that you’ve hung out with him. Again all of your thoughts are interrupted by a vibration from your pocket where your phone is. Goddamn it. Another calendar reminder but this time it is from Toto’s calendar that you’ve managed to sync to your iPhone earlier.

Meeting: Team Principals, FIA and F1. (1 assistant is allowed to attend)

You widen your eyes at the notification and you tap Toto’s shoulder who is watching the timings and the data in front of him. He turns to look at you and removes the headphone from your side. You do the same but you realize Nyck is looking at you.

“Sir, I just got a notification about your meeting with the F1 and FIA execs.”

“It is half an hour after the session ends right?”

“Yes but am I required to attend?” you ask

“Miss Roosevelt I believe that you were asked to be here as my assistant so since the meeting allows assistants it is your duty to be there.”

“Okay Mr. Wolff” you say and put your headphones back on to watch the rest of the session.

“If you feel uncomfortable just excuse yourself and leave.” he turns and tells you and you nod.

After the session in which your cars -yes, Mercedes cars- finish 1 and 3 you leave the garage and go back to the hospitality while waiting for Toto to finish his press duties.

Wolff

I am done with my interviews, meet you outside our hospitality in 5?

You

Yes, I will be there.

You leave and find him at the spot he told you to. You walk side by side to the race control building where the meeting is supposed to take place, him towering over you and you feeling miniscule beside him. When you are just outside Alpha Tauri’s garage you see your dad discussing with Franz and you roll your eyes praying that they will just let you go by. You get temporarily relieved when you are already past them but of course Christian has to talk to you. The man is trouble without trying. You hear him yelling “Hey Toto” from your back and you turn to face him. Toto frowns a bit but his expressions are mostly covered by his sunglasses.

“Are you heading to the meeting?” Christian asks

“We are, yes.” Toto replies as you keep walking, Christian catching up with you. You take a sharp breath trying to persuade yourself that he won’t understand who you are. You’ve got your face covered after all.

“I’ll join you.” Christian announces not even asking Toto who is clearly getting angrier. “I don’t believe we’ve met before” he says and turns to you.

You freeze but you regain your strength and reply to him “No, we actually haven't.”

“I am Christian Horner, team principal of Red Bull Racing.”

“Mindy Roosevelt, nice to meet you.” you say in your best American accent hoping that you won’t get recognized.

“And you work for Mercedes I see. Let me guess’ Public Relations?”

“No, I am here to assist Mr. Wolff for a couple of races, it is something like an internship from the American branch of Daimler.”

“I figured from the accent that you might be American.” Christian replies “Are you planning on staying at Daimler or leaving to get a job at motorsport?”

“I don’t know yet I’ll see where it gets me.” you answer

“If you plan on staying here please text me your details, I got a very interesting assistant position for you.”

“You had your daughter as your assistant from the beginning of the season, what happened to her?” you ask, trying to understand what he’s doing but you hear his phone ringing.

“It’s complicated with her, I need something stable, and I know Wolff always gets the best of the best so I might have to get a taste.” he replies as Toto, who was silent before, scoffs in the background. Christian checks his phone and excuses himself as he runs back to the Alpha Tauri hospitality center.

You let out a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding as you are walking to the meeting.

“Red Bull will be trying to have technical directives for the next few races to try and stop us.” Toto says.

“I know, I built that case and all the arguments. I know exactly what to say to convince the FIA in favor of Red Bull.” you reply “Can I talk during the meeting?” you ask

“What do you mean talk?”

“Like defending our team’s points, why technical directives shouldn’t be changed, and counterarguments.”

“No, your role is the one of the assistant, not the meeting participant. You will only be allowed there to keep notes.”

“I can write my points to you and you can read them and elaborate more, can’t I?”

“Yes, you can write notes for me to read.”

“Nice, let’s get no regulation change for today.”

“Isn’t this bad for Red Bull?”Toto asks

“Right now I am working for Mercedes, and Mercedes is only treating me right.” you answer

Toto raises his eyebrows “I am both flattered and surprised by the fact that you want to favor us.”

“You know what Toto? I am tired of thinking how Christian and Helmut will be using my case to present in this meeting. I worked hard for this and I was supposed to present my point. This meeting was supposed to be my first one.”

“Didn’t you go when you were younger?”

“No, I didn’t Christian always had his assistant with him and never managed to get me in even when I started working part-time for him. It is frustrating to see how your own father looks to replace you at a job. And now the team that I accidentally got in, even has the ability to read my notes and present a solid case.”

Toto doesn’t say anything, he just looks at you, his body language revealing that he is scared to say anything to you.

“Am I really that bad?” you ask

“No. Don’t you ever say that again. You were great, you got a deal with some investors, you helped run a team and you are doing a good job at even being an assistant in the team you probably hated the most.”

10 minutes later you are already sitting at a long table. Toto is sitting on your left. You take your new iPad and a Mercedes notepad with a matching pen and rest it on the conference table in front of you as team principals and other officials are taking their seats to start the meetings. Once everyone is gathered there Stefano starts the meeting with all the formalities needed the conversation starts and after a while you start discussing the burning issue. You open your updated document that you had created this morning with all the arguments and the possible answers that could be said from Mercedes’ side, those ones you hadn’t given to your father. This was only to help your presentation to get the regulations changed but now you are using it for the opposite reason. Christian finishes presenting all the planned points and it’s time for Toto to express his opinion. You managed to write a couple of things on paper and showed him some of the points that he needs to discuss. The man has done this countless times you’re sure but he’s totally letting you handle this.

“Okay, this is an answer to Christian’s concerns about how the regulations right now are not in the right direction. I do not have an exact answer to each and every point of Christian’s speech but I will be trying to get most of them.” he says and glances at the paper in front of him “I’ll start by Christian’s point that the issue affects multiple teams, when in fact it’s not even the majority of the grid that faces the issue that you are aiming to get changed. I can’t see the reason for the regulation change, clearly it’s not that dangerous to drivers health according to doctors and also it would be a huge waste of our resources to just redesign certain aspects of the car when we have the budget cap this year. That’s how I see it.” Toto finishes his monologue and all the eyes are on him.

“Clearly there will be a vote for this.” Stefano says

“Thank you for the notes.” Toto says turning to you and you nod back

Later on the vote takes place and the results are the ones that you expected. That means increased performance from Mercedes and Red Bull chasing them right behind. In other circumstances you would be fuming but now you are happy Mercedes got the chance to stop the regulation changes with your help. The meeting ends and you lobby around for a little longer but afterwards you are back to the paddock walking to the garage for the second practice session. Toto walks by your side and you feel he wants to ask you about what happened there but before he can you inform him you will need some time in your office and you leave him behind.

You get back to your office and you text your friend Sara who lives in Monaco

You

Are you in Monaco?

Sara

Of course I am in Monaco.

The question is where are you?

You

Issues with dad, he won’t let me enter the paddock because I was late in a business meeting and now he removed me from the team

Still in Jeddah though

Listen, I need a favor from you and your magic contacts in Monaco

Sara

I don’t wish to know more about the dad-daughter drama

But I am here to help you with whatever you want

You

I need a place to stay in Monaco

Sara

You can crash on mine or I’ll book you a hotel

You

I am thinking more of an apartment tbh

Sara

How long do you plan on staying here?

You

Permanently?

Sara

OMG, you’ll become a fellow Monegasque?

I will be in contact with my estate agent

You

Yes, I am planning to finally start living in Monaco. I don’t even know if Christian will take me back to the team to be honest but even if he does I can still live in Oxfordshire or in my apartment in London.

Sara

How fast do you need it?

You

As soon as possible please

You lock your phone as you take a deep breath to realize the decision that you just took. Moving to Monaco has always been your dream, since you have been to the Grand Prix there you fell in love with the place and you have spent quite some time in Sara’s house during the summer when you were younger. But now you want to do this alone, you want to feel independent in the country that you loved so much. You immediately think of contacting your father. You decide email is the best option. If he wants to be a bitch so will you

Hello father,

I am sending this email to inform you about my decisions. I will be moving to Monaco in the next couple of weeks, on my own. I believe I will be able to make my own living with the money I currently have. I am requesting my last paycheck from the team since I have been fired and I am not aware of your intentions to hire me back or not. I wish that my personal space in our estate in Oxfordshire remains unchanged in case I am able to return to my obligations to the team, and I inform you that the apartment in London will still be mine. I am still in Saudi Arabia arranging my flight to Monaco. I will be quite busy during the next few weeks so I will not be able to contact you. Should you decide that I am able to come back to the team please inform me.

Wishing you the best.

And send.

You go back to the garage 20 minutes in the session and you spot Toto sitting alone at the top of the fantasy island wearing a pair of headphones while another one is resting on the desk in front of him. You go to his right and check the timings. Currently Mercedes 1-2. He looks at you and removes the headset so he can listen. He hands you the spare headset.

“Isn’t this Nyck’s?” you ask

“No this is yours, Nyck is not joining us at this session.”

“Thank you” you say and you wear the headphones

During the rest of the session Toto shows you all the graphs about the car performance as well as all the communications systems in the team. You are convinced that he is not supposed to do that, it’s knowledge that an assistant could live without knowing and wouldn’t affect their job but still he seems so invested in letting you understand how the team works. This experience is not about gathering information for Red Bull, you think. It’s more about how a team should be and how correct management is done. Something that you feel is missing from Red Bull. The session finishes and Lewis and George are back to the garage with another top 3 finish for the team.

As soon as your day ends you drive your Aston Martin back to the Red Bull hotel, pack your baggage, check out and drive to the airport where you are supposed to leave the car. When you manage to do so you go to the car rental area of the airport and visit the kiosk of the company Toto texted you about and get the keys to a brand new Mercedes AMG. Shortly after that you get dressed with your Mercedes gear once again and drive to the Ritz-Carlton to check into your new room.

Turns out Toto has not only arranged a room for you but it’s also a huge fucking suite that you’re sure most Mercedes employees wouldn’t even consider having. You take a look at the suite and you open the closet door to find it full of Mercedes team shirts, hilfiger pants and the usual Mercedes designed puma shoes. You snap a picture of the closet and you decide to document those weeks of alternate reality that you are currently living in.

When the anxiety of the weirdest day you’ve lived wears off you check your phone for your newest messages

Sara

Gerard just reached out to me.

He has a wonderful loft 2,5 km from the Quartier Du Port.

Generally peaceful location

Sea views as well

Let me know if you want to see it.

You

If you can go there and get some pictures please do. Thank you <3

After that long day you realize that you didn’t get the chance to have a proper meal so you decide to order room service to finally eat something. You think of how pathetic it would look if you eat alone in this huge suite and before you can even cope with that thought you reach for your phone and call Toto. He picks up after 2 rings

“Hello” he says

“Hi, how’s everything?”

“Good, I am getting ready to go downstairs to the restaurant to have dinner, how are you?” “Oh same I was thinking of getting some room service for dinner since I can’t actually go to the restaurant to eat, but the suite is big enough to not feel restricted in one room. Thanks for that by the way.”

“I am sure you’ve only lived in suites for the whole year now so I thought why not. Don’t let the rest of the team know that though.” he says and you hear his laugh on the phone. You stay quiet and he does the same but when you actually decide to say something he speaks again “Maybe we can have dinner together now” he says.

“That’s why I called you in the first place” you admit, but you think you definitely sound a bit in despair. “I can’t order food for two people though it might seem weird.”

“You can come over to my suite, I’ll make sure that it will look as if I am having a meeting with either James or Shov.” he suggests

“Is it okay?” you ask again

“Definitely, I will be ready in 10, suite 264. See you.” he says and terminates the call.

You take a look at the closet trying to decide what to wear. You choose a graphic t-shirt and your most comfortable pants paired with your white sneakers, the only flat pair of shoes that you carried with you. You take a look at the mirror, readjust your hair, put on a nude lipstick and after 10 minutes you are finally ready to leave. You put on your mask because your goal for today isn’t getting caught from walking in some hotel corridor and you navigate your way to suite 264, you knock on the door and Toto is right there letting you in. He’s wearing a pair of black sweats and a gray T-shirt but he is barefoot.

“Hey” you say and you walk in the suite looking around. It does look like your suite when it comes to furniture but the rooms are a little more private. There’s a desk that has turned out to be more like Toto’s office for the weekend. You sit on the couch while he closes the door behind you and walks in the living room. You take your mask off and sit there looking at the ceiling. Toto stands in front of you with a menu card in hand.

“I was thinking, maybe pasta?” he tells you

“That’s what I planned to order today.” you laugh as Toto reaches for the phone on the table next to the couch and orders 2 plates of pasta ai funghi with two glasses of red wine.

“They’ll be here in 30 minutes” he tells you

“Great” you reply and stand up. You look at the place around you, stand up and walk to the desk. You sit on the only chair there and you put on his round glasses and put on your serious face as you move your fingers on the mousepad of his mac which -to your surprise- is unlocked so you are able to navigate in his computer. You open up his email but still he doesn’t react even though you are looking at you closely and you start typing and reading out loud.

“Hey Michael, I am just sending you an email.” you say and you keep being serious while you hear Toto bursting in laughter at the couch.

“Lewis is the best of all time, he did nothing wrong, everything is red bull's fault.” you say again and he keeps looking at you.

You keep joking, acting like you are typing a new email “Hey FIA, it’s Toto, please let us use the das. It's a great innovation and we are so smart to think about it. We are not illegal, or at least that’s what James Allison and Shov said. It’s not our fault that we are both smart and sexy. Thank you in advance.”

“That’s not what I said” he laughs

“I’ll need proof for that.” you say “Would I make a good Toto Wolff?”

“The best. I’ll be sure to leave you in my position once I retire.”

“What will Daimler say for that though?”

“You are doing your training so why would they have an issue?” he replies and you laugh.

“Isn’t this suite a bit too big just for you?” you ask

“You have the same one but yeah it is a bit big.”

“Mine isn’t as big.” you say “Most times I feel lonely in those suites. Mine don’t have kitchens though.”

“You cook? Too bad we have ordered already.”

“Maybe another time.” you say and you hear the door knocking.

“Quite fast.” Toto says and he stands up to open the door.

You walk around the suite once again and enter his bedroom and look at the open closet which is once again full of Mercedes button ons so you grab one and put it on. You hear Toto talking and you go back to the living room but he’s still talking to the person outside the door.

“I am kinda busy here Cynthia. I am sorry.” you hear him say

“Please Toto.” a female voice replies “Is there someone else? Is that why you ordered two plates, two glasses of wine?” she asks

“Cynthia I am in the middle of a very important business meeting, it’s about tomorrow’s qualifying and James is waiting inside to eat so that we can continue our meeting. Thank you for the service.”

“Will you call me when you are done?”

“I will be asleep when we are done.Thank you” he says and closes the door.

You stand there in his living room wearing his button up feeling stupid for believing this thing could go anywhere further.

“I should get going.” you say

“Now that the food is here?” he asks but you don’t reply, “Is this shirt mine? Are you going to take this one too?”

“I will get back to my suite and you can call Cynthia, or whatever her name is, and tell her that James is gone and that you are okay for her to come back and do whatever you two do together.”

“Wait, are you jealous? Of Cynthia?”

“I am not jealous, just not in the position to get involved with someone who’s fucking around with the girl who brought him room service 3 times.”

“I am not involved with her.” he says

“Well she seemed awfully too comfortable to be just a stranger Toto.”

“What do you want to hear?” he asks

“That you’ve fucked her?” you tell him

“We slept together once last year.”

“That’s all I needed to hear. Goodbye Toto.” you say as you walk towards the door, his shirt still hanging on your shoulders but before you can leave he manages to grab your hand

“I only saw her once this year and I just said hi. We hadn’t spoken since last year but as soon as I arrived she didn't stop appearing in my way. She had reached out several times since we left last year but I never got back to her.”

“So she’s nothing to you?”

“She was just a fling.” he replies and you turn around to sit on the dining table.

“Fine” you say, irritation apparent in your voice “Am I just a fling?” you ask yourself in your head so you decide to ask the same to Toto who is holding the pasta plates leaving one in front of you and one opposite to you on the table. He doesn’t answer, instead he does the same with the two glasses of wine. His silence makes you feel like his answer is not the one that you want to hear but as he leaves the glasses on the table he doesn’t sit down, he stays there towering over you and looking at you.

“If it was just a fling I wouldn’t risk destroying my team for it. Also I wouldn’t have done anything that I’ve done for you in any case.” he replies. “Technically you can’t even call it a fling because we only made out two or three times and we were drunk.” he says and just stays still “And still there are two glasses of wine that I ordered on that table. I am never going to learn, am I ?” he laughs

“Sorry ?” you ask but he leans in, reaches for your face and kisses you catching you off guard. You stay still in your chair as he sits opposite to you not saying anything

“The wine is red” he says then

“I can see that.” you reply

“They say that red wine can get you drunk easier.”

You try to understand where he’s going with this

“And?”

“We haven’t drunk any of it yet so we are sober”

“Why are you explaining this to me like I’ve never drunk before?”

“This is the most sober that I will be tonight and you said that I didn’t have the guts to make a move without being drunk.” he says

“You won’t get drunk with a glass of wine Toto.”

“I know I won’t but still I didn’t want you to blame this on a single drop of alcohol.” he replies and you smile and you start eating. No one talks during dinner but you are laughing at each other when you’re struggling with eating the pasta without actually making a mess. It feels natural to just sit there and eat with his company, like you are finally where you are supposed to be. For this moment you forget everything else and you focus on what you are currently living. After some time you both finish your food and you see Toto standing up.

“We should finish our wine on the couch.” he says, taking his glass and you copy his moves. He sits on the couch and you do the same but you don’t sit close to him. You rest your back on the couch arm and lay there putting your feet on his lap. He turns and looks at you but he doesn’t say anything. He rests one hand on your feet and he grabs his phone with the other one unlocking it and looking at his mails.

“Do you want to work?” you ask

“It’s Friday night so no.” he replies

“Then close your phone”

“What can we do instead?”

“Talk like normal people?” you tell him

“About?” he asks

“I am thinking of moving to Monaco”

“That’s a bold choice, have you thought about it enough?” he asks

“I have and I think it’s the best thing I can do to be honest, I have some of my friends there and I really want to leave home, I really can’t deal with Christian while he keeps treating me like this.”

“That’s good.” he replies “What about going to the factory ?”

“How are you doing it? You live in Monaco and you also have to go to England at the factory.”

“It’s really tiring to be honest, you need to have a place to stay close to the factory “

“I have my apartment in London available.” you tell him

“London to Milton Keynes isn’t that easy to do on a daily basis.”

“Anyways, going to the factory isn’t my main priority right now, I am not even on the team.”

“You are on Mercedes.” he says

“Is this an invitation to Brackley?” you laugh

“You swore it was just for a few races, not that you will be staying permanently”

“It was my masterplan to get hired by Mercedes.”

“We don’t want you with us.” he jokes

“Why?” you ask

“You are distracting the team Ms. Horner.”

“How am I even distracting the team?” you say whining “People don’t even know who I am except from you.”

“You answered for me.” he tells you “And now I have to deal with you walking around Monaco.”

“Oh sorry, I’ll cancel my plans then.”

“Oh no, Monaco needs a twist.” he says and you look at him but say nothing. He doesn’t attempt to start a new conversation, he just readjusts on the couch, grabs the remote and opens the TV. He navigates through Netflix’s homepage and you eventually make him watch a movie which he tried to convince you not to watch. Again, none of you speaks during the movie. Halfway through, you realize you’re far too invested in the movie and turn to look at Toto who is fast asleep on that same couch. You decide that there’s no point in staying longer in his suite and you remove your legs from his lap as smoothly as you can, you grab your phone and your shoes which you had earlier taken off and head to the door tiptoeing.

“Stay here tonight.” you hear his raspy voice which takes you by surprise and you almost scream

“It’s better that I leave, you are tired and need some sleep.” you reply

“There’s a spare bed if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“And there’s an empty suite down the hallway.”

“Come on, aren't you bored to leave when you can just sleep here?” he tells you and well, he’s kinda right. Plus it’s not like you don’t want to spend some more time with him and it would definitely be questionable if someone saw you leaving his suite at midnight. You don’t go back to the couch but you leave your shoes down while Toto eyes every single move you make.

“It’s quali day tomorrow, we need to sleep. Come on.” you tell him and you walk to his room. Seconds later he follows you and enters the room.

“I’m taking the left side.” you say and he smiles at you with a sleepy face.

“You’re sure you don’t want to sleep in the other room?” he asks

“It’s not like it will make any difference. Except if you have a problem.”

“No, definitely not.” he replies and both of you lay on the bed, facing each other.

“I’ll wake up earlier to go to the gym, then we can get ready and hit the track. We’ll have breakfast there.” he says and you nod. He seems very calm, eyelids heavy with sleep so you decide to lean and kiss him goodnight. As you come closer to him you can now feel his scent and warmth and you put your lips on his. The kiss is slow and sweet, somehow different from the rest that the two of you had shared up to this moment.

“Goodnight Wolff.” you say

“Goodnight Horner.” he replies and both of you drift to sleep.

The next day you wake up without an alarm and you find the bed next to you empty. You hear water running and figure out that Toto must be taking his post gym shower. You keep laying there and grab your phone to go through new updates and messages. Not a lot of time passes until he emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist and he holds another one trying to dry the water off his hair. You admire the sight for a while and you say “Good Morning”. He looks at you and replies

“Good Morning Horner. Slept well?”

“Very much thank you” you say “How about you?”

“Slept really well, and I started my day with a good session at the gym with George and Lewis.”

“Oh that must have been interesting. I would have loved to join you three.”

“It would be funny to see their reactions.” he replies as he dries his hair on a smaller white towel while he’s looking at the nightstand on your right where his things rest . He tosses the towel he was holding on a white chair in the room and he approaches you. He climbs on the bed and puts one hand on the headrest while his other hand is stretching to reach the IWC watch on the nightstand. His already toned muscles are a little more observable now that he’s lingering above you. You draw a sharp breath at the sight trying to contain your thoughts and your self but you still look up and stare at him while he makes sure that he gets the watch. When he actually does, he looks down at you and he catches you staring.

“What?” he asks, staying still in the same position and you don’t answer but instead you scoff. You take a quick glance on his body and you let your instincts take over. You grab him from his neck and pull him down for a kiss. He immediately reacts by holding your face with his now free hand and he pulls you closer as he deepens the kiss and bites your lip. You melt into the kiss still laying down as you feel your heart racing faster than any racing car you’ve ever seen. Your breath gets quicker as you get the sheets out of your way trying to feel his skin on yours. Toto mutters “Fuck” in between your kisses making you a little crazier. He breaks the kiss and walks to the end of the bed, he grabs your legs and starts leaving trails of kisses all the way up from your calf to your upper thigh until he stops and looks at you, eyes full of lust. He lingers above you for a second or two and he looks at you intensely trying to make sure that he has your consent for his following actions. Once you understand what this is about you nod while you're trying to regulate your breath.

"Stay still for me baby" he requests and you try to follow his order by just laying there as he dives his head between your thighs. Your breathing gets faster and deeper as he works his way down on you making you feel like you’ve never felt before. You sense his smile while his tongue makes circles down on you. It’s more sensual than you’ve imagined it to be. And god the man definitely knows what he’s doing. He keeps going on for a while with the same dedication as he started and you feel getting closer and closer to your absolute limits. You look down on him as he now uses his hands on you, and you see him staring back. “You look so good baby” he says and all you can manage to say is his name followed by a moan. “Toto I’m so close. Fuck” you say out of breath and he dives in once again as if he heard the magic phrase. He works his magic and shortly after you probably have the best orgasm you’ve ever had. Then he stands up, his hardness still apparent. You manage to regain your strength and crawl at the end of the bed. “Time to take care of you love.” you tell him and he looks at you with a sparkle in his eye. You reach for his neck and pull him in for a long kiss as you move your hand down his torso and on his crotch. You feel him, how hard he is, and you’re secretly taking pride in your effect on him. You start touching him, trying to make him feel good in your hands. His breathing gets faster as you continue and you can sense him coming closer and closer. You want to give him your best so you slowly lean down but he stops you. “Let me feel you?” he asks, almost sounding tortured. You feel a burning desire in you. You’ve imagined this for some time. You cannot say no, not now. Instead you say “Yes please” and get on his lap. You kiss him, while you’re repeating in your head “i am actually fucking Toto Wolff”. You give him one or two strokes getting ready for him but instead of following he looks around, probably for protection. “I am on birth control” you tell him and he turns his attention back to you. You place yourself in the right position as you feel him pressuring your entrance. Once he’s in you start riding him until you feel yourself getting out of breath. All this time muttering his name like a mantra and he is just repeating something in the lines of “God you feel so good.”, both of you feeling like you’re in another world. As soon as he gets that you are tired he lifts you up and lays you down on the bed. Now he is on top and he’s thrusting in and out in a rhythmic and satisfying way. He looks you in the eye. It’s not awkward. Not even close. You both seem to enjoy it quite a lot. It’s not after a long time that both of you finish at the same time, in an almost poetic way.

Now both of you lay naked on Toto’s queen sized bed. No one is talking. You just lay on his torso while his hand is round your shoulders. At some point you decide to break the silence

“That was a decent start to the day.” you say and Toto looks down on you

“Beats the early gym session to be honest.” he says

“I would be angry if you preferred going to the gym with Lewis and George to having sex with me”

“If it wasn’t for the gym you wouldn’t be here now”

“You think it was the ‘semi naked with a towel’ appearance that made me want to sleep with you?” you laugh “I would give it to you any time of the day, even if you were wearing a garbage bag Wolff.”

“Nice to hear that you are unreasonably horny.”

“It’s not without a reason though. I think you’ve figured out that I do not consider you a bad looking man.”

“I have yes.”

“All I had to do is to just find the courage to just throw myself at you.” you laugh

“And you kind of had to be drunk to do so?” he asks

“Yes”

“Isn’t it ironic though?” he says “That we actually slept together during the moment of our biggest clarity and sobriety?”

“What is it with the philosophical questions Toto? I just wanted to have sex with you for a long time and I did.”

“Long time I hear?”

“Yes, are you surprised?” you ask

“No, just glad that I am not the only one. Was it good at least?”

“God Toto, you’re asking the cringiest questions.” you say “Yes, god, it was perfect.” you answer and you hear Toto laugh.

“Now as much as I want to stay here and repeat this through the day, we have to go to the track” he says

“Ah yes, I am dying to get some breakfast as well.” you say and Toto laughs

“I’ve already had mine” he says with a smirk and as soon as you get what he’s talking about you grab your pillow and start hitting him playfully.

“Come on, let’s get ready.”

A hour or so later, you find yourself parking a shiny black Mercedes at the track's parking area while being already disguised as your alter ego, full on Mercedes’ gear. Today you are wearing Toto’s shirt, which is a little oversized but you manage to style it in a great way. You grab your bag, draw a sharp breath and open the door. You walk to the paddock and scan your pass as you go totally unnoticed by people around you. To them you look like a regular Mercedes employee that they have no reason to care about. Little do they know that this is actually you. To be honest you kind of love the calmness of it, how no one is chasing you for a photo or a statement on a recent drama or event of the F1 world. You just walk unbothered. You get so caught up in that thought that you don’t actually notice how fast you got to the motorhome. You get in and put on your show, greeting the majority of your colleagues that also seem ignorant to your presence there. You go to the buffet area and grab a tray for your breakfast which you eventually bring to the small office that Toto managed to provide you. Once you settle in, you sit down to eat but you take a photo of the breakfast as a part of documenting that crazy weekend. You also decide to send the photo to Toto.

You

[photo]

Grabbed breakfast and brought it to the office. Drop by if you don’t have anything better to do.

Wolff

Just walked in. I’ll grab my coffee and be there in 5.

You

Cool.

Five minutes later you hear a knock on the door followed by “Miss Roosevelt it’s Wolff here.”

“Coming.” you say and unlock the door for him to come in.

“Hey” you say

“Hello” he answers and looks at the full tray “You got quite a lot of food there.”

“Yeah, that start to the day just opened my appetite.”

“That’s good to hear”

“So, what am I supposed to do today?”

“Well, practice starts in 45 minutes and then we have qualifying.”

“I am aware of the program, thank you.”

“You won’t let me finish my thought will you?” he says

“Sorry” you tell him and look at him

“I am thinking, maybe you can join me and Nyck in the garage for practice.” he pauses to think “And then you can take a look at the data before qualifying.”

“No I cannot do that” you say

“Why not? I know you can read data, you have the basic skills and knowledge to judge a performance run.”

“I don’t want to be involved with your data. It’s confidential.” you reply. It is actually crazy that Toto is okay with the idea of you handling the team’s data, as if you are not his number one opponent.

“I know it is. But I trust you, plus there’s an NDA that you’ve already signed. And the fact that you deny reading the data makes me want to give you access to them more than before. Because I know how serious you are about not leaking stuff.”

“Okay I will take a look, but only for a short time.” you tell him

“Oh and then I want you to do a tour to a group of visitors that will be coming to the garage.”

“Aren’t there people responsible for this?” you ask, reminiscing the fact that in Red Bull you have people who are responsible for the hospitality packages.

“There are but they are shitting their pants because Christiano is dropping by later.”

“Who is Christiano?” you ask, slightly confused

“Ronaldo” he replies

“He’s coming to the race?”

“Yes. He’s actually coming both today and tomorrow and the team is invested in doing everything perfect for him.” he says and you are still staring at him with your mouth open “We are a bit short staffed in that team so an extra help would be amazing.”

“Good. I’ll do that too.”

“Great, thanks love” he says and you freeze at the name but before it gets too awkward the door knocks.

“Toto, this is James, do you have some time to review the quali strategy?” you hear through the door

“Yes, I will be there in a sec.” he replies “Gotta go now, i’ll see you in 45 right?”

“Right” you tell him and he is out of the office. I

You spend the next 30 minutes scrolling through twitter and eating the breakfast that you got earlier as well as taking a look at Toto’s schedule for the day. Later on you leave the office, mask on once again, and make your way to the garage and to the top of the fantasy island where Toto and Nyck are waiting for the session to start. Both cars are in the garage waiting for a sign to leave once the lights at the end of the pitlane turn green and at the same time all the mechanics are making the final touches on the set ups. You greet everyone sitting on the fantasy island and put on the spare headphones as you did the day before. The session is done as usual, the drivers going in and out of the garage to change setups on the car to find an optimal one for the qualifying. Performance runs are also on the programme but only during the last fifteen minutes of the session. Everything concerning telemetry is being sent directly into Toto’s computer on top of the fantasy island as soon as each lap ends so that he can see how they are done and areas where they can be corrected. The session ends quicker than it usually does when you are at Red Bull because suddenly all the chit chat becomes interesting and not as boring as it is with Christian.

“P1 and P2 huh?” you ask him. Nyck is already out of the garage, something about having to talk to some foreign media made Toto let him leave before the small pre qualifying debrief.

“It isn’t bad is it?” he asks back.

“It is not for us” you tell him “ It is for the rest of the grid though. I bet Christian is fuming right now.”

“It is not bad for them. If we are in front they will have to innovate more to reach us. It motivates them.”

“I bet they are not seeing it this way though.”

“Is Christian really fuming if we finish in front in practice?”

“Yeah, he’s not a fan of coming second in any session of this sport.”

“Too bad for him.” he says and you laugh. At this moment your phone rings with a notification from the calendar app reminding you of an interview Toto has to attend.

“Oh, I am seeing now that you should be outside the media pen for an interview.” you tell him

“I am very much aware, thank you.”

“Well, why are you not there now?”

“I prefer to hang out with my beautiful assistant instead.” he compliments you

“Oh my god, shut up” you laugh and he does the same “Come on, interview, now!” you say as you tug him and try to push him to the corridor that leads to the paddock playfully.

“That’s unfair. I am the boss. You are not in the position to prohibit me from doing anything.” he laughs as he walks reluctantly to the paddock.

“Well, it seems like I am in charge of what you are doing so technically I am allowed to tell you what to do.” you tell him “I will be enjoying a cold cup of coffee in the meantime.”

“Once again, that’s unfair Horner.” he says the second part whispering so that people are not able to hear. “Also, you have work to do. The telemetry data is already in your email inbox waiting to be read and commented on, so if I were you I would actually save the coffee for later.” he says and you look at him flabbergasted. “Oh and as soon as you are done with that you have the little tour to do in an hour and a half. Take care Ms. Roosevelt.”

Before you are able to form a sentence he is already gone, more like running to the media pen. You on the other side, walk back to your office, open your new iPad and take a look at the data. The lap times look good, still slower than the lap time that you calculated the pole position would be on, but they look good. In the data you can see clearly that the engine mode is in a much less aggressive setup that you are sure will change during qualifying. You add some comments using your iPencil concerning parts of where you think the drivers can gain time, as well as some questions for the strategists and the mechanics. When you are done, you forward your notes to Toto’s email and check the clock to see that it has actually been 1:30 hours and that it is actually the time to go meet the people you will be giving your tour to.

You find them all standing on a circle by the garage entrance at the paddock, discussing, taking pictures and being excited. There are 5 of them, 3 guys and 2 girls, all of them close to your age. You approach them and greet them. One of the girls looks gorgeous. The boys aren’t bad either.

“Hello everyone.” you say “You must be waiting for a paddock tour right?”

“Yeah” one of the boys says and the rest of them nod.

“Okay!” you say in an excited tone, trying to engage with them. “I am Mindy. I will learn your names during the tour I suppose.”

“Nice to meet you” says one of the girls “Likewise” you answer “So, should we start? Are you all excited?”

“Very.” one of the boys says.

The tour starts and you take all of them for a walk in the paddock to see all the motorhomes and where you actually work and you are actually describing all the details about what you are showing to them. You take them by the media pen, where you spot Toto giving another interview for pre qualifying. All of the guys and the girls get very excited and try to snap a picture even from far away. Then you take them by the garage but just before you manage to get in, you receive a new notification on your watch

Wolff

Just finished the interviews at the media pen and managed to see your notes and questions on the telemetry data. I forwarded them to James and he immediately got back to me asking who made all those brilliant notes and questions. I guess you are wasting yourself with management, you should become a mechanic instead.

Oh I also caught a glance of you and the guys during the tour. I hope that you are doing alright. We don’t want to make Ritz’s employees sad, we still have a few days left before we check out.

You read the message and realize that the people that you’ve been interacting with are people working at your hotel. So you decide to stop the tour and actually get to know them.

“You know what? Let’s introduce ourselves before going into the garage.” you tell them and walk back to a bench located at the paddock.

“So as I told you before I am Mindy Roosevelt, I am currently working at Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 but my position is totally different to what I am doing right now. I am actually working as an assistant to upper management, but the hospitality team has a very special guest for this weekend and they were busy enough so you are left with me.” you say “Go ahead, introduce yourselves.”

One of the guys starts talking “I am Ahmad Hussain and like everyone here, I am working at the Ritz-Carlton in Jeddah. I am working as a cook in the hotel kitchen so everything that you’ve tasted in the past few days might have had to do something with me.”

“I loved everything that I’ve tried, thank you Ahmad.” you tell him

“I am Benjy Ayad, I am half american half saudi arabian and I am currently working at the Ritz-Carlton as an economics advisor.” he says

“Mohammad Dawoud, and I am working at the Ritz-Carlton in room service.”

“Oh, I will be requesting for you Mohammad.” you laugh and he takes a bow showing his honor.

“I am also working as room service at the Ritz.” you hear one of the girls saying. This time it’s the pretty one

“That’s nice. What is your name?”

“I am Cynthia Jones.” she says and you freeze as you realize that the girl standing in front of you has slept with the man you slept with this morning. Jealousy as well as curiosity are your main feelings so you ask for more information.

“Sounds very non-Saudi Arabian. Where are you from Cynthia?” you ask

“I am from the UK actually. I was born and raised there, my parents are British but all of a sudden I ended up here. I was looking for a position in management in some big companies here in Saudi Arabia and I got this job as a part time until I figured things out but I ended up staying for two years.”

“That’s crazy. And why management? Do you have a degree?”

“Yes, I actually do. I got my degree in Switzerland and I tried pursuing it but right now I haven’t found anything that I like.”

You nod in agreement, trying to register all the information that you’ve learned from her directly. Toto was secretive about their relationship so learning even the slightest about her is important. Finally you turn to the last girl left

“Alina Mohammad, I work as a receptionist at the Ritz. Nothing to know exactly. I was born and raised here and I got a degree in touristics so I got the job of my dreams.”

“You guys seem really happy with what you are all doing. I hope you keep doing what you love.” you say “I mean you all managed to buy a paddock pass that most people wouldn’t dream buying at what? 24?”

“No actually we didn’t buy a pass, the team invited us to join today’s action.” says Benjy

“Oh shit, I didn’t know that.” you say

“Yeah they came in last night and handed us the passes just before our shift ended. We went crazy.” says Cynthia and you look at her.

“Sorry Cynthia, if I may ask, what time do you finish your shift on average?”

“I don’t know, maybe like 11pm or something? Yesterday I finished at that time.” she replies. At this point you are now sure, Toto asked her to come there today. There’s no other explanation. As soon as he saw her he wanted her to come back. That’s why he invited her. It wasn’t planned for you to do the interview, but he changed it to make you interact with Cynthia, to actually hurt your feelings.

“Mindy, is everything okay?” Mohammad asks as you have totally zoned out

“Sorry, I spaced out for a bit. Yes, everything is good. Shall we continue with our garage tour?” you ask and they nod. You go back to the garage trying to explain as many things as you know about the things there. To be honest, your mood isn’t quite the same as it was before you knew who the beautiful blonde by your side was. Luckily, the tour comes to an end 30 minutes later but sadly it is qualifying time so you have to be by Toto’s side by the time the session starts. Cristiano Ronaldo is also there by Toto’s side. You nod and greet him as Toto introduces you and you just get back to work.

During qualifying you sit there, not talking, just looking at the screen and the timings and occasionally checking your burner twitter account for any comments. Although you are pissed at the man next to you you definitely don’t want Mercedes to qualify in bad positions so through Q1 and Q2 you are relaxed since it is obvious that both cars will be through to Q3. During Q3 you keep your fingers crossed and mostly during the last runs for pole position you keep praying as you usually do in Red Bull. When the timer runs out Lewis and George are sitting P1 and P2 respectively, locking the front row for tomorrow’s start and as soon as the team figures it out, the whole garage erupts in cheers. Toto reaches Ronaldo for a handshake, celebrating the results. Your eye catches the guys from earlier cheering and hugging each other, taping with their phones. Toto turns to you and you do a high five with him as he smiles at you. You remain indifferent in his reaction, keeping yourself busy until George and Lewis are back to the parc ferme to congratulate them. Once you are done with that you simply say goodbye to everyone there and leave.

You go back and grab all your things and without saying a word to anyone you drive back to the hotel. When you are ready to go back to bed, you see a new message

Max Emilian Verstappen

Where are you? I missed you on track these days.

You

Sadly Christian thought it was a fair deal to throw me out of the team for god knows how long.

Happily for you I will be out of your way for that time so you will relax.

Also congrats for the P3 today, it was a decent run but the mercs had the pace.

Max Emilian Verstappen

Oh Christian…

Shut up, I already miss you. Are you in England?

Thank you H.

You

I am in Monaco, at a friend's house.

You feel kinda terrible for lying to him but there’s not much you can do.

After you chat with Max for a while, you order some food to eat but then get another message.

Wolff

Lost you after qualifying and when I asked they told me you had left. That wasn’t a bad result.

Anyways I am going back to the hotel and I am planning to order something to eat, you can hang around my suite if you want and we can discuss strategies for the race.

Let me know what you are about to do

You

I’m not feeling very good, sorry.

And tomorrow I will be coming in late, probably an hour or so before the start

Wolff

Okay. Do you need any help? Should I drop by your suite?

How am I supposed to work without my assistant?

You

I am not your main assistant Woff, you have a hundred people helping you, me not being there won’t be a huge issue

No, don’t come.

Just let me fucking be for once okay?

Later on you see that he read the message and didn’t reply. You take a hot bath and go to sleep for tomorrow.

You wake up the next day pretty late but just in time considering the fact that you are planning to leave in 2 hours. You order breakfast to avoid having something at the track and start getting ready as you are waiting for room service to arrive. You eat and then leave.

Since you left the hotel earlier your time of arrival is estimated earlier than you actually planned so you decide to take a drive in Jeddah’s streets to soak in the country. An hour or so before the start you actually arrive at the track. You park your car and walk to the hospitality. Then you lock yourself in your office and just read notes for the race. Later on you hear a knock on the door.

“It’s Wolff” you hear him say and you open the door even if you don’t want to. You don’t speak. You stay there and look at him. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks

“I am okay, yes.” you reply “Do you want anything else?” you ask him since he’s standing there just watching,

“Why are you acting like this?” he asks

“Like what?”

“Like Christian Horner’s daughter?”

“Yeah, you should be expecting that since that’s exactly who I am”

“You haven’t been like this since Bahrain.” he says

“Well if you don’t like it then you should call Cynthia.” you tell him

“Is this what this is all about? Are you jealous?” he asks

“Listen Toto, if you want to discuss this I will discuss it outside this office please.” you tell him

“Okay then, follow me.” he says

“What? Now?”

“I want to solve this right now if it’s okay.”

“The race starts in 30 minutes.” you say

“It will take less than 30 minutes, follow me” he says

Both you and Toto walk in the motorhome before he manages to open a door at the end of the hallway. You climb off the stairs and you reach a place somewhere in between a wall and a closed section of the motorhome.

“Speak” he says

“Bossy much ?” you ask

“Yes, now please tell me how did the whole Cynthia thing reoccur after yesterday morning?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.” you tell him

“I do not have a clue.” he says

“You don’t have a clue about inviting her here?”

“Who?”

“Yesterday you made me do a paddock tour to a group of people.”

“Yes, they were the Ritz employees, I am aware of that”

“So you are aware that Cynthia Jones was proudly here watching F1 and enjoying qualifying with a VIP pass right?”

“I was not.” he says and honestly he seems like he’s telling the truth.

“You didn’t see her in the garage?” you ask

“Well, believe it or not I do not see everyone who is in the garage.”

“You didn’t invite her ?”

“Nope.”

“She said that she got her invitation right after her shift ended. And her shift ended after you saw her.”

“I was aware that they were going to be here. Just not the names of who was coming. The hotel management was supposed to do a draw and pick 5 people to join us as a gift. It’s part of our contract.” he replies

“So you didn’t know she was coming?”

“I am going to say no once again.” he says “You can search my messages if you want to.” he says as he hands you his phone.

“I trust you.” you tell him and you hand him his phone back

“After all I am not that big of an asshole to invite an ex fling and then sleep with you the next morning.”

“Don’t you dare do this again.”

“Invite people or sleep with you?”

“Oh Wolff fuck off.” you joke

“With you, gladly.” he replies

“Shhh” you tell him

“You are not going to shut me up this way.” he says and then looks at you “Also take off this goddamn mask now that no one can see us, I am tired of seeing you with it.”

You take of your mask and smile at him

“You’re sure that no one can see us here right?” you ask and he nods.

You lean on him and kiss him, catching him off guard. He returns the kiss as he smiles in it .

“I am sorry, Wolff. I won’t overreact about Cynthia again.”

“It’s alright Horner.” he tells you.

“The race starts in 15, should we go?”

“Let’s go.” he says and both of you walk back to the garage and your usual places.

At the start of the race both Lewis and George start off well, keeping their initial positions with Max lurking just behind George. Standing next to Toto, you have access to everything on his computer so you see lap by lap each and every thing you’ve learned to look for in order to plan a strategy in your head. When things get tough and Max gets behind Lewis in P2 your brain is running as fast as it can. The Mercedes strategists are proposing possible pit stop strategies based on the data that they have. However they don’t know one thing that you do. As an executive at Red Bull you have to be aware of code phrases over the team radio, which to be honest can’t be forgotten in a day. So as you’re seeing in the data Lewis is trying to manage his tires and you hear the message “Okay Max, it seems like we are going for a one stopper here.” , you feel the bells ringing in your head.

The “It seems like” phrase is a code name for doing exactly the opposite that the phrase says so you are 100% sure that they are going for a two stopper in order to win. Something that Mercedes has done countless times.

Toto had told you earlier that if you want to intervene you can press the button and speak but he thought that you wouldn’t be crazy enough to actually do it. When you crack the code of the Red Bull strategy you immediately press the button saying strategy and speak.

“Red Bull is going for a two stopper.” you say and Toto looks at you with his eyes wide open. “In about 5 to 10 laps they are going to be back on the softs to chase us. I would suggest pitting Lewis for a second time, turning the engine up and trying to chase him.”

“Are you sure?” he asks

“The “It seems like” is the key phrase Toto. Please let Lewis know. ” you tell him

“Okay. Do what she said. I am waiting for your calculations. Get back at me in two minutes.” he says while pressing the strategy button

“Thank you.” he says.

Later on it seems like Red Bull is caught off guard by Mercedes’ move and they try saving it as well as they can but they fail. At the end of the race the checkered flag is out and Lewis wins the grand prix in Jeddah.

“Yes boys, come on. Amazing strategy” says Lewis through the radio as everyone in the garage is celebrating. George finishes P2.

“Thank you for the amazing drive Lewis.” says Toto

“Get in there Lewis!” says Bono through the radio.

Toto turns to you and says thank you while he’s off to congratulate the other team members. After Lewis gives his post race interview to Naomi Schiff, you storm off to the pitlane to watch the podium ceremony. Max is also there and he seems a bit disappointed by his streak of P3’s during the season, but you’re barely worried. Right now you are celebrating about Lewis and George. You take your phone out and snap a picture or two. After the champagne opens and the trophies are given you go back to your office and lock yourself there once again. You’re hearing all the congratulations from people in the hospitality center and you sit on the office couch feeling that happiness and euphoria of winning. You haven’t spoken to anyone since the race ended but you are now just laying there happy. A long time after, you hear a knock on the door. You’re sure it’s Toto since the race debrief and the interviews must have ended by now. You ask who it is though.

“It’s Lewis. Can you please open up?” he says and you freeze, stopping dead in your tracks. You put on your mask and you open the door.

“Oh my god Lewis hi. Congratulations on your win.” you tell him

“Thank you Mindy. It’s Mindy right?” he asks

“Yes it is.” you tell him

“And you’re a Daimler intern?”

“I am yes.”

“Can you please take off your mask so that I can remember your face?” he asks and at this point you are pretty sure he knows that you’re not who you say you are.

“I am sorry but I am at great risk, I don’t want to get COVID or anything.” you tell him trying to avoid the situation.

“Don’t worry, I am wearing masks and I also tested negative this morning, so you can take it off.”

“Is it okay if I don’t want to?” you tell him

“Yes it is.” he says and he turns to face the door, finally going to leave. “We will be outside celebrating the 1-2 with the team, it will be amazing if you come, even for the picture.”

“I am not sure I have to be there.”

“I know you had something to do with that win, this strategy didn’t make itself Horner.” he says and you freeze as you register how he called you.

“Excuse me?” you tell him

“Next time that you fight with Toto, don’t do it outside my driver’s room Horner.” he says. “I know what happened between you two, I saw you without your mask and I saw you kissing my Team principal, there’s no denying.”

“Shit. Toto said no one could see us.”

“I could see you but Toto thought I would be at the grid by then when I clearly wasn’t.”

“I am sorry. You can’t say this to anyone.” you tell him

“I don’t plan to, I just find it funny that you switched teams.” he says

“Yeah, I had to because my dad’s an asshole.”

“Okay, now you get what everyone’s saying right?” he laughs

“Yeap.”

“You should come outside, let’s celebrate. You earned this victory as much as I did. Plus I want to have you in the picture. You can wear your mask.” he says and he extends his hand to make you stand up from the couch.

“Okay” you say and you walk with him

“Oh and by the way, Wolff is heads over heels for you, I am pretty sure he’s liked you for a long time and he hasn’t stopped thinking about you. That Cynthia thing is completely bullshit.”

“Really?” you ask him and he nods smiling.

Both of you walk outside to celebrate that amazing day with your amazing achievements. Mercedes really feels like home for you. Toto’s eyes light up when he sees you outside, in between the mix of employees. He stands by your side for the photos and then all of the team starts playing with champagne. It’s a really great night in the desert that makes up for the craziness of the weekend which makes you relax ahead of the new week coming up.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x reader #toto wolff fanfic #enemies to lovers ig #f1 #all's fair fic

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almondespresso · 1 year

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*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: Han Jisung x GN!reader

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: fluff, just fluff

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 1k

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: one of your meetings with Jisung, for which you forced the time out of his very busy schedule.

𝘵𝘸: none

𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥: MAMAMOO- Starry Night

♡for: my @alyszaen , one and only jisung's gf ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

The night was warm, which certainly made your waiting more pleasant. You were sitting on a high hill (getting here is always a challenge) with your legs tucked under your chin, deep in the park, from which the view was amazing. You were above the brightly lit buildings in the city, with a perfect view of the dark sky… well, it would be almost completely dark if not for the mass of stars that illuminated it. It was really beautiful, the silence around it only perfectly complemented it all. Only one was missing…

"So-rry for be-ing laaaa-aaate!"

You heard familiar voice behind you, glancing slowly at the newcomer over your shoulder. Your gentle smile caused by the beauty of the landscape has now widened considerably.

"Right in time. I was about to go and delete your number."

"RUDE!"

Han Jisung, out of breath from the journey to the top, sat next to you, tossing his small sports backpack somewhere beside him. He ran all the way to the park and to the top to make his lateness as short as possible. He brushed back his sweat-damp hair and pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to regulate his breathing through nose, all the while looking at the buildings of the city. Only after resting for a while he did turn his gaze to you, sending you his characteristic, wide smile, which, however, quickly faded.

"Sorry, I stayed in the studio for too long. It wasn't until I looked out the window that I remembered the meeting... I'm really sorry."

"It’s okay, there is nothing to talk about." You said softly.

Of course there's nothing to talk about. You knew how busy Jisung was, the fact that his work was his passion also didn't help in organizing meetings together. It didn't bother you at all though. You didn't feel angry when he canceled meetings, you didn't feel sad when he didn't answer messages for a long time. You were happy that you were seeing each other at all and that you were getting any answers at all. You felt good being remembered by him anyway.

"As an apology, let me tell you something." Jisung moved closer to you and cleared his throat. "See those stars, the ones next to each other?" He traced a few lines in the air with his finger, pointing to the stars he meant, glancing at you for a second. "It's a little bear, obviously. And here's a giraffe and... a dragon? And Great Leader Bang Chan!"

You tried, but you really couldn't hold your laugh. You hit him very lightly on the arm.

"Stop making things up!"

"You're right, I made it up." He laughed along with you, taking a quiet breath at the end. “But you laughed, so it was worth it. Do you remember how we met?"

Of course you remember. It was during your first week as an intern at JYP Entertainment. You wanted to show your best side so that you could count on eventual employment later, so you often stayed late at work. While working on one of the projects, you went on a break in the middle of one such nights. You stepped outside the building to breathe the fresh night air. The sky was as starry as tonight.. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Jisung asked then, he was just returning to the building with three cups of coffee bought on the way. You looked at him as he continued to laugh. Then he told you about the Great Leader Bang Chan constellation, which made you laugh as much as tonight. Since then, a bond has developed between you two and once in a while you sneak out together to look at these beautiful stars. When you both worked hard, the stars were always there, calm and quiet, which gave you incredible comfort. From the moment you met him, you knew you would work even harder - you were willing to do anything to get a job there. And you did it.

“It feels like yesterday… But it was already six months ago.” You looked at Jisung fondly.

Is it love? You didn't want to use such big words. But did he make you feel safe, comfortable, heard and understood like never before? Of course. Jisung still thinks that this hill you found together is your greatest comfort place - but he didn't know that actually he was such place.

"Let me tell you something now." You leaned in close enough to him that your arms were touching. You pointed your finger at first one star and then the other. "Do you see them? It is the eastern and western star. An old legend says that these two stars are two lovers enchanted in them. Their families did not want them to be together, so they voluntarily chose to live together eternally in the sky. The same legend also says that the lovers died hundreds of years ago, but it will be several hundred light years before we see them disappear. So you may ask, how did they die if it was supposed to be eternal life? Well, this eternity turned out to be their great love that they left behind. So it’s almost like they’re still there…" You finished with a gentle smile, finally glancing at Jisung.

Han was sitting and staring at you like at the picture, his eyes wide with interest, reflecting the entire night sky. He looked so… gentle, almost fragile. You could feel your heartbeat speeding up and your cheeks getting warmer. Was he always so… beautiful?

"That was beautiful... How do you know this story?"

You smiled even wider and touched him lightly on the nose.

"I made it up."

Jisung moaned loudly and this time he was the one who hit you on the arm. You both laughed together for a while before Han was the first to fall silent. He looked sad, so you did too.

"The day after tomorrow we're going on a world tour... I'll be in a different place every day again..." He began to stutter softly, as if for the first time in his life he was at a loss for the right words. "So I don't know if... I don't know if..."

"Can we meet?" You finished for him with a slight laugh of relief, knowing it was just that. "Don’t worry. After all, we'll always live under the same sky anyway, right?"

#stray kids #skz #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #han jisung x reader #skz oneshot #kpop oneshot #han jisung imagines #stray kids fanfic

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theretirementstory · 3 months

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Greetings from a cloudy Bar sur Aube, where it’s 7c at the moment. We are due a maximum of 10c so it’s not going to be that much warmer. It has rained a lot but we have had some high ish temperatures along with a weak sun but it’s the rain you remember especially when it’s a very heavy downpour and you are soaked!

I did smile when I saw the Drappier Champagne van at the Gendarmerie, the Drappier driver wasn’t delivering so I wonder if he had been speeding or worse still “drunk in charge of the champagne van”.

Anie messaged on Sunday afternoon to say could she come visit me, of course, I produced mince pies and coffee cake along with one of the new teas Monique had bought me for Xmas. She stayed for about an hour, it was enough really, I am finding it hard to concentrate on hearing French for longer than that. She always brings some gift and this time it was a small jar of the herb sariette and a jar of marmalade. I baked a batch of cheese scones yesterday, I added some sariette and herbes de Provence, they were really lovely.

Monique has been in touch keeping me up to date with her blood tests, appointments etc.

My fortnightly blood test was due and the nurse arrived promptly. The results are not coming back as quickly as previously but perhaps it’s the tests requested that make the results arrive later.

The plumber came to install the new boiler, amazing all finished in 3.5 hours! Oh the luxury have having lovely hot water “on tap”. You don’t miss something until it is taken away from you.

My grandchildren are with “The Photographer” this weekend and then it’s “the big adventure”, they are going to London from Monday to Thursday to go to the Zoo and the Natural History museum.

“The Ex-Graduate” will be starting her final week at the bar, where she worked part-time while studying and full time since her studying finished. She starts her new job in a couple of weeks so she will be given a new title on here too 😊.

“The Trainee Solicitor” is working his socks off and will be looking forward to a little break away from home for a few days. Next week will be busy at work as two staff members are on holiday but you can only do as much as you can do in the hours you are at work so just keep that in mind!

So let’s have a look at my music choices this week. I don’t know how I hadn’t thought of this one before now. I have no idea what makes a good guitarist I just know that some music just gets to you. Here is one of the guitar greats doing what he does best! The song was released in 1999 😳, it is “Smooth” by Santana featuring Rob Thomas. Well if that doesn’t get you moving I am not sure what will!

The second song is one that always makes me “feel good”, I want to get up and leap around. We go way back to 1970 for this hit from George Harrison, the song is “What is Life”. Enjoy listening to these tracks today.

So today was the day I had been looking forward to, the day of the visit to the gorgeous “La Belvedere” restaurant for lunch. I was disappointed when Maud messaged to say she had had bronchitis and was still coughing so thought it best to cancel the restaurant. Oh well until the next time 😉. I am going to make myself something “tasty” for lunch 🤞and if I get out of bed now, I may be able to prepare a super dessert too.

It was the knitting group on Friday and I must say we were a little depleted! The 92/93 year old lady is suffering with her back so was unable to attend. The newest member of the group had previously been into hospital for an operation and therefore didn’t arrive until about 4pm. Helene, a lady who suffers from some neurological problem couldn’t come as she was unwell and her husband (who brings her) was also unwell. It was just as well I had decided to go! I was only going to stay for a couple of hours and forego the cake and drink, however, I brought the “tarte” home with me and enjoyed it after my evening meal. We were discussing the best things to make to sell at the markets. It was suggested that we tried key fobs, I produced a pattern for some pendants and earrings and will photocopy the pattern to take back in a fortnight. The ladies were impressed with my little cardigan . It has been decided that from now on a receipt needs to be produced to show the cost of materials, I guess that puts paid to a refund for me, as the wool I have had for years, so no longer have the receipt. Oh well does it matter, it gets the wool used up 😊.

Now I am going to “put my best foot forward” (wish I knew which one it was 😂) .

I think this photo should be called “house on the hill”.

I wish you all a good week until next week.

#barsuraube #trees #nature #photography #crafts #baking #70’s music #90’s music #friends #family

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thesexydevils · 1 year

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Mine Truly - Part Three

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only.

I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted anywhere even if you give credit. But please re-blog and comment. Thank you!

Pairing: Dark Tony Stark x Desi (Indian) OFC

Summary: Tony Stark’s interest is awakened by a new feisty and strong Intern.

Warnings: dark fic, non con, manipulation, stalking, workplace harassment, misuse of power and money, desi ofc, dark Tony Stark

Part Two

A/N: English is my fourth language, so sorry for any mistakes. My stories are mostly written for adults and have mature topics.

Mishti - Bengali, Indian origin and means Sweet or Sweet person

Mine Truly - Part Three

Mahi’s POV

The rest of the day went by without seeing or hearing again from him. I hurriedly packed my things in my purse and left the small room when my mobile rang. It was Aryan’s call. “Hey Mishti, what’s up?”

I smiled at the nickname he gave me. “Ari, I am fine. Just leaving the Stark building. Why?” “Thank God you haven’t left yet. I will be there in 5 minutes and then we can go for a few drinks.” I thought about cancelling but then changed my mind and said yes.

I walked out of the building and as soon as I was out, I felt someone watching. I turned around but there was nothing. But suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and screamed in my ear. I couldn’t help but I screamed too. My heart almost jumped out of my chest.

In panic I moved my head backwards and hit the person on his nose. “What the fuck Mishti?” I stopped and looked back. “Aryan? What the hell is wrong with you.” He let go of me and moved his head back, holding his nose.

I was trying hard not to laugh. “Mishti, did you break my nose? Am I bleeding? Oh god, I can’t have a broken nose. Please no.” Okay I was laughing my ass off as he was being such a drama queen.

“Oh, nothing happened and no you are not bleeding. Ari, you should have thought twice before trying to scare me. That’s what you get when you try to be mean.” I stuck my tongue out at him and before I knew he picked me up. My hands landed on his shoulders. “Ari let me down. I swear if you let me fall I will…” “Oh come on Mishti, I would never let you fall. Have you seen my biceps?” I playfully slapped his cheek. “Okay mister strong, now let me down. I am hungry, I need food.”

He laughed because he knew food was my life.

No POV

Tony was in his lab, working on a new device, but his mind drifted back to Mahi. The way she spoke and looked at him drove him crazy. She was always so disrespectful like he is a nobody.

He didn’t want to be mean and rough to her, but her attitude always got the worst out of him. Tony wanted to date her like a nice guy and give her beautiful gifts and lavish dinners but every time he only got rejections.

Never before in his life had anyone rejected him, and the first time he let it slide, but she did it again and again.

The rock music was blasting in the lab, and he was working without any shirt only in his black wife beater. He took a big sip of his now cold coffee when one of his Iron man suits sent him some messages.

“Jarvis, get them on the big screen.” “Yes Mr. Stark.” Said the monotone British voice.

Within seconds many pictures popped up on the screen. Some were from the morning and the others were from this evening. Tony tapped on the screen and one of the photos became large. It was the one where a guy picked Mahi up in his arms and she had her hands on his shoulder.

She was smiling so carefree and beautifully at him. It made Tony’s blood boil in jealousy. The coffee mug was smashed against the wall.

He looked at the other pictures and she was mostly smiling or looking shyly at that boy. “Who the fuck is this? Jarvis, do you have any information about this fucker?”

Tony was breathing very hard, trying to control his rage. “Yes sir! He is the same person from Ms. Sharma’s Instagram profile. He is Aryan Khanna, a 25-year-old male. Both grew up together and have been childhood friends since kindergarten. From their social media accounts and the comments on their posts it is believed that they are dating. But neither had confirmed the rumours. Sir there is a video from him on his account where Mr. Khanna was openly declaring his love for Ms. Sharma. The video was made 3 months ago at a friend’s wedding.

Tony hit the table with his fist “Bloody fucker. How dare he look at her. She is mine and I will not let her be anyone else.” Tony watched the video of him proposing to her but somehow, he was a bit glad she didn’t say yes, but she didn’t even say no to him and that irked him more.

He enlarged another photo of them. It was from this evening. Both were having dinner in an Asian restaurant. She looked happy in the pictures. Tony was pissed, he was the one who should be with her right now and should have a wonderful evening. She should be smiling at him. He should be the only man who looked at her that way. “It’s time to learn the hard way love. You will come to me on your own. I am going to make you beg.”

He caressed her picture. “Jarvis, open her family’s file.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aryan walked in silence with Mahi. They were just a few metres away from her building. Mahi looked at him when she felt his eyes on her. Aryan took her hand in his and caressed her knuckles softly. Her heart was beating faster as he pulled her hand up and kissed the back of her hand.

“Mishti, you know how I feel for you, don’t you? I know you are worried that if it doesn't work out between us, our friendship will be destroyed. But I promise you no matter what your decision is I will always be your best friend, and nothing is ever going to change that.”

Mahi looked away from him. She wanted to tell him yes, but now there was the Stark problem, and she didn’t want Aryan to get into the line of fire. Mahi had a feeling that it would not end well for anyone.

“Aryan, I ... you are an amazing human being, and any girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend and partner in her life. But it scares me to think of what if it doesn't work out. I can’t lose you and...and Sweetu, she looks up to you. You are her big brother, after Papa you are the only one who she really listens to. I don’t want her to lose you if it doesn’t work.”

Unknowing to her a tear rolled down her cheek. Aryan softly wiped the tear away with his thumb. “That is the reason why I love you, you always put your family before anything else. You would do everything in your power to keep your loved ones happy. That's how I know it will work, because we both will make sure that this relationship will turn out perfect.”

Mahi was conflicted about whether to tell him or not to tell him about Tony Stark and his harassments. After thinking about the pros and cons she finally decided to tell him about Stark.

Before Mahi could say anything, the door opened, and her little sister came out running and hugged Aryan tightly. “Aaaarriiii, I missed you so much. You are now too busy to visit us.”

Aryan hugged the girl back, but his eyes were still focused on Mahi. He knew she was going to tell him something important. “Come on in and meet Mom before she leaves for the hospital. Mom will be happy to see you.”

The young girl pulled him inside, but he looked back at Mahi, and she nodded her head at him.

The next day

Mahi was somehow surprised not to see or hear from Tony. She was sure he would be lurking around the corner, but there was no sign of him the whole day.

His absence made her think about his warning, the more she thought about it, the more she was sure he was planning something.

The way he behaved with her in the past days, showed her that he was not going to leave her alone. She pushed all of his thoughts out of her mind and packed her things and left the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

She reached her home without running into Tony. She somehow felt a bit relieved that maybe now Tony will leave her alone and find someone who wants to be with him.

She opened the door and called out for her mother, but there was no reply from her. Even her sister's room was silent. As Mahi locked the front door and walked up to the living room. Before she entered, she could hear someone softly crying.

“Ma what happened? Why are you crying?” Mahi stood in front of her crying mother. Her baby sister was clinging to their mother. She took her mother’s hand in hers. “Tell me what happened?” Her mother pulled the scared girl's arms from her.

“The hospital reported me, because they found prescription drugs in a large quantity in my locker. They believe I took it from the stock to sell it on the street. The management terminated me without notice and they will report me to the authorities.”

Mahi hugged her weeping mother tightly. “Mom, we will find a way out. Please don’t cry. I will talk to Aryan, maybe he can help us. You have to be strong, we both are with you. We know you would never do anything like that. Sweetu, stay with mom, I will talk to Aryan.”

Mahi hurriedly took her mobile out of the purse and went to her room. It was ringing but he didn’t pick my call. Tears welled up her eyes as she sat down on her bed.

After a minute or so her mobile rang. “Ari I... I need your help. My mom, she got...”

“She has a drug problem, and the hospital will press charges against her, right love?” She snapped for air like someone had thrown a bucket full of ice water on her.

“Tony ... Tony what did you do?” That bastard just chuckled at her, like it was just a funny prank.

“Really, what did I do? No, what you made me do. You forced my hand, because you had to be stubborn and now your family will pay. First your mother, poor her. She will spend a good amount of her life in jail. Then there is your sweet sister, so innocent and young. Hey if you need money, you can always send her to the red-light districts. Your sister will make good money there and with the right pimp, she will ...”

“Shut up, shut up ... just shut the fuck up, you bloody pig. I will kill you.” Mahi hissed in her mobile. Tony only laughed at her outburst.

“I know a very exclusive brothel with many elite customers. She will be in good hands, and this is only the start. Wait till I start with your friends.” “Stop, just stop, please. Tony, don't do this to my family, please I beg you. You're Iron man, you’re supposed to be a hero and a good man.” She held the mobile tighter as she sobbed.

“Mmmm, yes, I am Iron man and a world known hero and you still disrespected and rejected me, like I am a loser.”

“What do you want?” “YOU. I want you tonight in my bed. If you don’t come, then I have to ...”

“No, I will come.” “Good girl, wear something sexy for me and be here by 9. You already tested my patience and I am done playing nice. If you are late tonight, your mother will be in jail and your sister will vanish without a trace. Am I clear?” Tears were running down her cheeks, her legs wobbled as she tried to suppress her cries with her hand.

“Say it!” She flinched, it took everything in her not to scream and throw her phone across the room.

“Yes, Tony. Please, just leave my family out of this. I will do anything for them. Just don’t hurt them.”

“Good girl. I can’t wait to have you in my bed. Oh baby, it’s going to be a very special night for us. I am waiting.”

With that the line went dead.

If you like it, leave comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!!!

#mine truly #dark!tonystark #dark tony stark #dark marvel #desi ofc #indian #harrassment #stalking #dark!fic #tony x ofc #blackmailing

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splathousefiction · 1 year

Text

Into The Wild: R/GoneWildAudio

Trigger Warning:

The following article will discuss grooming, racial bias, violence and more. Reader discretion is heavily advised.

I have spent over a month gathering witness testimony from users of r/GoneWildAudio. Quotes when given are word for word what was relayed to me from sources, all of which will be kept in total confidence. Any information that is not eye witness testimony is publicly available with a google search.

“I want you to fuck me so hard my neck snaps against the bathroom stall”.

It’s been close to seven, eight years since I got that Twitter DM.

I still remember it vividly.

Because the person that had sent it to me was supposed to be a friend.

They had interviewed me for their podcast back when I still did Magic: The Gathering content. I’d felt safe with them, knowing absolutely nothing else about them save the face they showed the public. I consented to the interview and started it with a crude joke. Even back then, the persona I played on air danced around horny concepts and potty humor. It was all an act. Anyone that actually worked directly with me or knew me could attest to that.

That’s not what this person got out of it however.

The messages started up the same week. Boring small talk at first, but it quickly escalated into them sending me nudes, salacious texts and more. All without my consent or prompting. At first, I played dumb. Being a “himbo” has gotten me out of trouble more times than I care to count. Then came the point they dragged my partner at the time into it.

So, I went off.

I threatened to post full screenshots. I threatened to tell everyone that would listen. I told them I’d talk about it on the podcast I was a part of at the time. We had a massive audience. It would kill their career overnight.

They huffed and left me alone after that. Started horrid rumors about me, the whole nine. Some people agreed with them. Random people I’d never spoken to would hop in my mentions calling me all sorts of things. I never acted on any of the things I’d say I would do. They were a prominent community figure. I was the “shock jock” of our podcasting circle.

And, as they said: “Nobody is going to believe you”.

I left the MTG community behind entirely a year or so later. Maybe two. At that point I’d seen its face, I’d seen my stalker/harasser have a fast-tracked career. I watched as one of our largest cosplayers was doxxed and people sided with her harasser. Whatever disillusionment I had about the community had been shattered into a million pieces.

It was one of the last times I consciously put effort into aligning myself with a collective online.

My stalker/harasser, the person who was the primary reason I stopped attending in-person events at all, wasn’t outed from the community until 2020. When someone finally leaked screenshots and the entire network of abuse they had orchestrated. The day it happened, friends from that era of my life reached out. They told me they were glad I was okay.

That they wish they had listened to me.

Day late and a dollar short folks, but thanks I guess.

I’m ashamed to admit it happened, even still.

I’m more ashamed that it was the second time it had occurred.

I don’t mention the above to garner pity or sympathy, but to illustrate a key fact about how communities will often overlook the worst in their midst to keep the “machine” rolling. If your harasser is a prominent part of the community, if they’ve aligned themselves with movements that are inherently “good”, they often can move with impunity. They can continue to be a wolf tearing at the flock for years to come. “Cancel Culture” isn’t real and it never has been, for if one instance of it was true I wouldn’t be writing this at all. I wouldn’t feel compelled to talk about another era of my life, the reasons I left, and why I felt compelled to write this editorial in the first place.

This isn’t a hit piece, this isn’t an expose. This isn’t even a word of warning.

All of what you’re about to read started with the simple question of why.

MTG Twitter and content production wasn’t the last time I willingly became a part of an online subculture. The real, actual last time that happened was R/GoneWildAudio on Reddit. I was there for almost two years, from 2018 to the summer of 2019 or 2020. This is brief for many who are familiar with the subreddit or contribute to it; however, my few years there both elevated my career to new heights while making me omnipresently aware of the exploitation, insecurity, harassment and real world danger that surrounds GWA. I left after one critical event, giving my piece in a community thread in which the painfully small moderation staff was attempting to quell growing flames.

I thought that would be it.

I was confident that I could close that chapter, and move on.

Yet here I am now, after spending roughly a month talking to people, studying sub reddit traffic and more. I’m faced once again with the realization that I am not alone, nor were my negative experiences there isolated. Unlike last time, I’m not afraid. I’m motivated to act as quickly as I can to answer that question, worming its way through my gray matter.

Why GWA?

Reddit, Age Gating Content And Responsibility

Reddit is one of the largest and most popular social networks on the face of the earth, rivaling only Twitter and Facebook in respective visits per day.

In the modern era, Reddit is stylized as a place that caters to every interest regardless of how niche. Your lust for a certain anime character and weird Audacity question can have equal footing in their respective communities, with responses from actual people and auto-moderation/bots. This seems an ideal circumstance for independent creators and large corporations alike, as creating a subreddit for your whatever can instantly allow you audience reach.

Users can also operate in relative anonymity. Account creation requires only an email account, and there’s always the option to create a “throwaway” right from the user control panel. You can also surf as a guest if you see fit. Security for account creation works via passwords and two factor authentication. Beyond this however, personal and community safety is left up to dubious moderation staff and individuals.

This creates a paradox for adult communities on Reddit, as there’s no true age gating or ID checks before users join. There’s the atypical “are you 18+? This community is NSFW” that pops up, which everyone simply lies to. Legally, this is all above board. However, it also very openly lays bare the possibility for NSFW reddits to be widely available to minors-who sometimes engage with the community via content creation.

I want to stress that this isn’t unique to reddit. Just in the last few months, the NSFW twitter community has seen several prominent personalities out themselves as underage. However when comparing Twitter and Reddit, the contrast is in sheer volume. Twitter has billions of users. A NSFW subreddit if it’s popular can have anywhere from ten to a hundred to a few thousand users. The capacity for a minor to both gain the trust of the community and lie to moderation (which waffles between non-existent and “a hand wave”) on Reddit is exponentially higher. Moderators are human, and will make judgment calls accordingly.

With a disposable email and hand hewn identity, users can engage in spaces they absolutely shouldn’t, thus endangering themselves and the entire community in the process.

Such is the case with GoneWildAudio, one of the most popular erotic audio subreddits on the site. GWA features a pop up window to confirm you’re legally of age, and asks for a vocal timestamp verification for performers.

That’s it.

And this is more than other subreddits even attempt.

As a vocal talent myself, I can’t even begin to stress how incredibly fucking easy this is to bypass. With a bit of practice an amatuer could easily pitch-shift their voice and sound far older than they are. If they were especially crafty, they could also pull it off in an audio editor. Mic quality would also come into play here-overwhelmingly, the users on GWA do not have proper or professional set ups. A shitty cell phone mic recording could make a user sound far older than they really are.

The possibility of there being content created by minors on GWA is “above zero”, which is a non-negotiable dangerous risk for anyone involved in the adult community. The responsibility for ensuring proper age gating and safety for the community has failed everyone at every single level. The question of who is responsible for ensuring this isn’t as sticky as it seems.

If Reddit is going to allow adult content on the site, proper age gating such as what Fansly, OnlyFans and others use is paramount. However, Reddit sitewide moderation has a horrid reputation for ensuring NSFW doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. As Reddit won’t even remove illegal content on their own site unless it breaks the news, the chances of site moderation acting are incredibly low. As such, moderation responsibilities often fall on individual sub reddits.

Which brings us to one of the largest things users will notice about GWA right off the bat: It’s moderation is next to non-existent by adult industry standards, and dangerously ineffective given a subreddit of it’s size.

This is a fairly recent issue. GWA swelled during COVID-19 lockdowns and now sits at around one million members, a point of pride for them. Membership doesn’t translate into real-world traffic on the sub however. Over a three week period, I checked online membership during peak EST hours. The average per-day was somewhere around 4.5k-5k users online, without accounting for people surfing as guests (there’s literally no easy way to track that on my end). While this is a miniscule fraction of the active user base, that’s still a few thousand people. Logic would dictate a dedicated moderation staff available at least during peak hours to ensure member safety, especially given the open (and legally dangerous) possibility of minors accessing adult content.

That’s absolutely not the case.

As of this writing, there are currently eight active moderators. You can view the current list of moderators here.

Eight moderators for thousands of possible users is, simply put, disastrously insufficient by any stretch of the imagination. This grows exponentially worse if you believe the by-line of “a million active members”. Even given the use of auto-moderation via bots, this isn’t enough people. If for no other reason than ensuring the safety of their own members, having a moderation staff of under ten people willfully endangers casual audience members and performers alike. To translate this into real-world application, a site receiving this much traffic would likely have a dual-purpose department of at least fifteen to twenty.

At eight individuals, who are both likely unpaid and likely have real-world lives/jobs to get to, the end result is a moderation staff that is heavily overworked, untimely in remedying emergency situations and difficult to approach at all. A staff of eight people to handle thousands isn’t sufficient enough to ensure a democratic and unbiased use of moderator responsibilities.

I’d know.

Over the last two months, I put out a call on twitter for audience members, moderators and performers to speak to me about their experiences with GWA. I received roughly thirty three detailed responses from across the spectrum, save for the moderation staff itself. As promised, these responses will be kept in full confidence and not quoted here. If one of my sources feels confident telling their story publicly, they’ve my support. I received written testimony, screenshots from discord servers and more. Responses came from a diverse data set as well. Many BIPOC, queer people, audience members and performers reached out.

There were common observations in every single message:

The Moderation Staff of GWA Is Inherently Biased: One common thing I heard from the performers that spoke to me is that certain community members were held to a radically different standard than the rest of the community simply due to their prominence. While this does occur in any community one might find to some degree, the GWA mod staff has a history of allowing abusive, actively predatory, racist and otherwise biggoted performers the freedom to remain. This was cited by every single BIPOC and queer respondant I spoke with. A single person saying this would be concerning, but repeated evidence has made it abundantly clear that the mods of GWA will turn a blind eye if a performer drives subreddit (or affiliated subreddit) traffic up.

The Moderation Staff Will Not Act Unless Moved By Outside Forces: The story of F_Stop_Fitzgerald was one I heard about on Twitter well before the GWA staff made a public post. F-Stop_Fitzgerald, who lived in Toronto, was a school teacher and member of GWA who created teacher-student centric content. He was caught trying to lure children and in possession of child pornography. The literal headline breaking story was well known on twitter for roughly 48 hours before the GWA staff made a post about the incident, encouraging victims to come forward and offering anonymous resources for witness testimony.

Curiously, a moderator mentioned that they were aware underage users were on the sub reddit and that “we don’t care if you broke the rules, we’re here to help”.

While I understand where they were coming from, this coincidently confirms that the mod staff is aware of the non-zero chance that minors are on the subreddit yet again and will likely not act to remove them unless it’s brought to their attention. Their attention, which is sparse, given their already overwhelming workload. While proper age gating likely wouldn’t have prevented Fitzgerald’s predatory antics, the fact that the mod staff was both aware of minors and not proactively preventing situations like this from even having the chance to occur with the absolute bare-minimum legal compliance is incidentally malicious by association.

The legal precedent for that falls not on them however, but Reddit itself, which cannot and will not risk losing it’s user base overnight ala Tumblr-style age gating and content requirements.

Fitzgerald absolutely hasn’t been the only case of predators making use of the subreddit either. Several of the people I spoke with were victims of targeted harassment, sexually predatory conduct and more. In more than one instance they went to the mod staff, who made excuses for performers because of their prominence within the community. An investigation was promised, and the performer was allowed to continue to post. In one case, it was even suggested that the victim simply “tag that performer out”.

When did people actually experience results?

When they went to twitter directly with screenshots, left to fend for themselves against the onslaught of harassment by supporters for performers who refused to see what was before their very eyes. Then and only then did the GWA Modstaff decide to act, and rarely was someone banned from the subreddit for their actions. It’s the popular belief that Fitzgerald received banning at all simply because he broke international news.

This led to the creation of several twitter accounts, such as ConfessionsGWA and others. On these pages news broke about several GWA performers who were abusing their positions within the community to get away with everything from exploitation of labor to far worse. There’s a 41 page google doc with screenshots. The catalyst for the creation of CGWA seemed to be Tom Banter, who was openly allowed back to GWA and GoneWildAudioGay after fetishizing BIPOC audience members, using sexual degredation on discord server members, and openly complaining that he had to tag his non-con audios with a “rape” tag.

To quote one of the GWA mods, “(Tom) has paid the price for his scandal so hopefully he’s reflected and learned his lesson”.

Tom continues to make audio to this day on Youtube and streams on Twitch. He left reddit only after individuals came forward away from GWA, on twitter.

In response, GWA has scrubbed or archived any of Tom’s posts.

Never moving unless pushed from extrinsic platform sets a precedent of “the mods don’t care”, community wide.

GWA Is Inherently Focused On The Cis-Het White Male Gaze (And The Mods Still Don’t Care):

Literally every BIPOC performer and user I spoke with could cite multiple times off the top of their head that there was a push of their own to make GWA a more inclusive place. Or, at the least, a place that was safer for BIPOC performers to post without worry of a hostile, fetishizing or racist audience.

Nothing happened.

Either the mods would hand-wave away comments while promising nothing or simply not respond at all. During the height of BLM protests after the murder of George Floyd specifically, none of the respondents I spoke could recall any of the moderation staff working towards making black performers feel safer. Almost all of the respondents I spoke with cited that incident as what ultimately drove them from the platform.

This is tied in with the overwhelmingly stereotypical focus of BIPOC bodies within audio, specifically black women. Many of the sources I spoke with would remark about how overwhelmingly and aggressively sexualized they were for their race. Some respondents also pointed towards how several performers-such as KenteClothedTiger, Tombanter and others-would specifically focus on marketing themselves as an inclusive, BIPOC focused creator in order to lure in their victims.

The end result of this is a less diverse community as BIPOC people, sickened by the lack of mod action, rightfully leave. As the subreddit grows less diverse, it tends towards caucasion and cis-het focused content. Those alienated by gazing at the top posts are often told to head towards an affiliated subreddit, such as GoneWildGay and others. Which would seem an ideal solution, save that this funnels BIPOC and queer talent into an ever smaller nesting doll of potential audience reach.

It’s an insidious means of stifling BIPOC and queer voices.

So who does the responsibility for correcting any of this lie on?

Institutionally, Reddit as a platform first and foremost. Without getting into a discussion on internet privacy, release forms and proper legal compliance towards adult content, Reddit is incredibly unlikely to move. It costs less money to simply make Subreddits disappear when they break the news than to proactively ensure legal compliance with content creators and communities. What’s more, making their user base actively feel safe over simply making problems “vanish”.

Logically one would assume that the moderation staff of GWA would have a vested interest in, at the least, having an appropriate number of moderators to deal with the thousands deep user traffic (or what’s more, their “million strong” membership). Except they’ve done anything but that.

The latter here looks absolutely baffling to anyone with any understanding of how a community is run from the outside looking in. It begs the question of why a community would be run this way whatsoever, what kind of ideation would lead to leadership like this.

Which leads us to GWA’s second largest issue-it’s “amateur” marketed culture.

Free Content Isn’t Free: GWA’s Stalwart Refusal To Admit The Obvious

GoneWildAudio proudly proclaims itself as a community “for those aroused by sound”, where performers of all stripes and capability are invited to post their content. There’s an open mix of script writing, improv performances, “ramble faps” (listening to someone engage in self pleasure) and more. Recordings vary in quality from cell-phone static scratches to uploads professionally edited, scored and recorded.

Regardless of the amount of work put into these uploads, users are strictly forbidden from posting links to absolutely any services in which they might get compensated for their work. Because GWA’s culture insists that it’s “amateur” and not “professional” work.

This is alarmingly counterintuitive to creative culture period, but especially heinous as many people turned towards erotic audio and sex work during COVID 19 lockdowns, when GWA itself experienced it’s largest surge in traffic. People flooded the subreddit as they found themselves with unprecedented free time, hoping to find a community that would be a pathway towards substituting their strangled income.

Except their posts would be auto-yanked for linking to a twitter account, an additional platform for uploads and more simply for having a tip jar. As of my writing this, I was recently informed that a GWA mod convinced a new audio platform that GWA couldn’t use them despite their pro-NSFW attitude because the site itself asked for donations. A patently absurd idea that caused the site owners to reconsider featuring NSFW content at all (they still allow it as of this writing) and instead focusing on music.

The idea that anyone, amateur or not, doesn’t deserve to be compensated for their efforts, tipped or otherwise financially shown appreciation for their works is inherently exploitative to the core. Conflating successful efforts with make-believe, worthless upvotes doesn’t put food in the fridge, pay the light bill or student loans. What’s more, apathetic staff could even codify something within their own rules that would essentially hand-wave away responsibility. We are not held liable for anything beyond this subreddit page beyond harassment, et al.

Instead, “we are amateurs” is used as a shield, with exploitation of talent being rampant. Script writers get their works stolen, performed without credit and put behind paywalls (which, while strictly forbidden via GWAs rules, still happens regularly enough you could set a clock to it). Voice actors put hours of work into performing, engineering and scoring their works only for them to be vacuum-sucked onto this solitary platform (as linking to others could get the post yanked). New arrivals and hopeful content creators eager to join a community either get disillusioned and leave, or begin to view compensation as a kind of “selling out”.

This is especially rancid as GWA’s reputation casts an enormous shadow over the entire ero-audio community despite its quantifiably small reach. GWA is often where many of us begin or build our careers. I myself likely never would have met CMakesP, XytaMidnite and many of my regular clients had I not formally posted Splat Speaks there. I would be hard pressed to find a performer in erotic audio that didn’t start at GWA over youtube.

A community this small with a culture of “you’re only a real artist if you’re starving”, lead by a staff that openly allows the continued predation of it’s user base, sounds like a fucking fever dream. It’s the kind of place that other adult performers would jump ship from. Many of us have.

Yet the specter of GWA still lingers on throughout the community by a falsely inflated reputation. Performers, platforms hopeful for the upload traffic and others take a single glance at that “million membership” mark and assume working with GWA will make or break their reputation.

GWA isn’t necessary to be an erotic vocal act, script writer or engineer. People simply use it because it’s the most convenient option by being a small, fractional part of one of the largest social media services in the world. People use it because they see the word “amateur” and assume that means them due to inexperience. Listeners use it because the tagging system is at least semi-functional.

All while the sub continues to exist only because of exploitive practices.

This is even more intolerable as GWA can’t provide safe platforms to upload content to. Soundgasm, long touted as the preferred platform for the sub (to the point it’s directly mentioned in their rules), had its content scrapped several times and uploaded without performer consent all over the web. I myself was a victim of this, as were dozens of other performers I know. It was only after this was repeatedly and loudly talked about on twitter that it was revealed how incredibly easy it was to download content directly from the service in MP3 quality. When the mod staff was approached about this, they failed to even assure their users with false security.

“These things happen”, they said.

Which is hilarious considering any other respective platform that also hosts “amateur” content often has provisions in their EULAs and rules that they’ll file DMCA claims on behalf of their users if their content gets stolen. They also often codify that the “amateurs” literally keeping the service alive (often with free content as well) inherently own the rights to their content. Even non-commercial sites like Archive of Our Own, allows “amateurs” to file complaints if their works are uploaded in a non-transformative fashion-and link to personal pages where you can be tipped. While Ao3 does allow scrapping, they’ve publicly stated they will take counter measures against it should it occur at the scale GWAs own scrape did.

Not to mention Soundgasm is a volunteer project maintained by a single person. What happens if one day they decide the hassle is no longer worth it? It hasn’t even been properly maintained in over eight years.

If GWA cannot and will not protect its own members, their content or even create a space that promotes professional growth, I find myself once again returning to the opening question of this editorial.

Why R/GoneWildAudio?

Concluding Statements, Observations And The Way Forward

The simple answer to that question is something GWAs entire reputation is built upon, but also something that can be easily templated over to a different service, a different subreddit, a different community:

Convenience.

That’s it.

People don’t use it because it’s safe. They don’t use it because the moderation is great. They don’t use it for the diverse array of BIPOC/Queer/Trans uploaded content, the inclusive community. They don’t use it in hopes of making some extra cash.

They use it because Youtube is a puritanical hell hole and they already have a reddit account. They use it because Twitter is overwhelming at billions of users and the nazis are also there. They use it because they can do so relatively anonymously, and the risk-reward calculation means they won’t get hurt. Maybe. Perhaps.

Unless they’re BIPOC or queer, in which case they’re always, always looking over their shoulder so long as they’re using the subreddit.

GWA exists because of convenience, is continued to be used because of convenience, and can be subsequently dropped if faced with competition that’s even a mild improvement, has even a slightly caring moderation staff or is creator-career friendly. It could disappear overnight should Reddit itself decide it no longer benefits the platform as a whole to have it. Even something as small as losing Soundgasm would have disastrous effects. A better tagging system could legitimately be enough to cause a shake up.

GoneWildAudio exists on a razors edge, ever a single strong wind away from being relegated to history. If that history proves good or ill is ultimately up to those framing the community through rules, policy and community action.

As of this writing, many of them have been absent for weeks.

-j

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#splathousefic #splathousefiction #editorial #r/gwa #r/gonewildaudio #reddit #asmr #audio

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nasthepotprincess · 2 years

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now you're calling me special.

Original fic, Chapter two:

Erasmus woke up the next morning to a rising sun and a swirling stomach; he had to sprint to the bathroom before he emptied its contents onto his bedroom floor. Somehow, he kept allowing Damen to convince him to drink despite this constant outcome. He reminded himself to knock his boyfriend upside the head as soon as the man woke up. After rinsing the taste of patron and cranberry out of his mouth, he tip toed back to bed and grabbed his phone as he climbed in. He checked the time and saw it was five thirty-two in the morning, face recognition unlocking his phone automatically.

And there was Laurent's contact card staring back at him, bright and burning; the smirk emoji at the end of the name made his stomach swirl in a different way, now. He scrolled to the bottom of the card, thumb hovering over the 'Delete' button--that little red word seemed to singe his fingertip. But he closed his phone quickly, with the realization that his heart was racing and his breath was heavy. He looked over to Damen and almost let out a sigh of relief when he saw him still sleeping. He thought about blue eyes trailing over Damen and the way Damen almost flushed. And then he thought about delicate fingers brushing his lip softly, brushing his boyfriend's hair back and the heat he saw in Damen's eyes--

And then he sprinted to the bathroom again, but this time for a different reason.

He closed the door slowly and then jumped to the sink, turning the water on cold and immediately splashing his face with it. He didn't know what the fuck was wrong with him, but he had a hard-on and he wanted it to go away. He splashed himself again, clenching the edge of the sink with both hands and leaning his forehead against the mirror.

He needed to study. Studying is exactly what he needed to do right now because he had three midterms this week and he couldn't possibly be thinking about anything else. He got his toothbrush and toothpaste out of the medicine cabinet and ignored his shaking hands as he brushed his teeth, found some clothes, got dressed and did his hair. He wanted to check the time again, but refused to look at his phone; he only pocketed it at the last second before leaving the room, 'just in case someone calls'.

Except, fifteen minutes later, he's staring at his phone screen with the contact card open again. He groaned out instinctively, covering his mouth in shock when he heard it echo back in the empty living room. His heart was pounding again; or it never stopped. After he made sure he didn't wake Damen, again, he went back to staring at the screen. He knew he should delete it... well he probably should delete it... well maybe he didn't have to delete it. But he was definitely not going to text him. Definitely not.

Now he was staring at an empty text box. He canceled it two seconds later and threw his phone across to the other side of the couch. He burried his face in his hands and brought his knees up to his chest. He took a few minutes to steady his breathing some, trying to organize his thoughts. A beautiful man hit on him and his boyfriend, this shouldn't be a big fucking deal right? Of course it caught him off guard because, I mean, who does that? But it shouldn't be making him feel like this right? Right?

But why shouldn't it? I mean, he was only fucking human! So he got turned on by an attractive man touching his attractive boyfriend, so what? It was a really attractive man touching his really attractive boyfriend.

"Fuck me," he groaned out in helpless exasperation. "Fuck it, fuck it all."

He climbed over to his phone and opened it with no hesitstion, pressing the + button in his messages. He started a group chat, thumbed out a text and sended it without a second thought. Then, he threw his phone again and threw himself back flat on the couch. He wasn't sure if he was feeling regretful or nervous or excited, but he was sure that this knot in his stomach was not going away anytime soon.

So, he did the only thing one could do at a time like this.

(finished and future chapters on my archive)

#captive prince fanfic #captive prince fan fiction #captive prince #capri #damen #damen of akielos #laurent #laurent of vere #damen x laurent #damianos of akielos #damianos #original writing #original fanfiction #nasthepotprincessfanfiction

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hannahsmusings · 1 month

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Jackson

*Jackson was getting antsy as he continued to search the entire room, glancing down at his watch and seeing that only fifteen minutes had passed since he arrived, it not being like you to be late, cursing himself as he knew that he shouldn’t of got his hopes up, or maybe he shouldn’t of let Charles drive you, he knew Martin’s son well but when it came to you, there was no one Jackson trusted with your safety besides himself* *he pulls out his phone, having not checked it for the entire day, going to check his email to see if you had messaged with a last minute cancellation, his mind frantically spiraling when he sees your name on his screen, his heart lodged into his throat as he clicks the notification, swallowing thickly as the phone screen seems to move in slow motion as your message finally appears, the message being a sign that you received the dress and that you had loved it, but that didn’t explain why you weren’t here yet, did you decide it was all too much? Was this your way of answering his silent question about whether you’d be coming back to him or not?* *it was all too much, his chest feeling like it might cave in on him as he turns back to the bar, throwing back his scotch and motioning for another, muttering ‘make it a double’ under his breath, his eyes focused on the marble bar top under his hands* *he doesn’t lift his head again until the drink was placed in front of him, giving a nod in acknowledgment to the bartender before turning again, telling himself this was his last perusal of the room, he wasn’t going to waste any more energy on this… yet another futile threat but he needed to at least pretend that he was strong enough to make it through such a rejection from you* *his eyes take in the room, not seeing you or your dress anywhere, his eyes gazing up to the second floor area where people were also entering when suddenly everything went quiet, internally and externally, all the noise that was in the room and also in his head dissipating as he spots that dress, the one his stylist had showed him mere hours ago and that he chose immediately, the dress he knew would look gorgeous on you but damn did he underestimate you and your beauty* *you looked heavenly, like an angel sent down from heaven itself, everyone around you being absorbed into the background which might as well been a void in Jackson’s eye, nothing mattering but you, his eyes taking you in and his chest was close to either exploding or caving in he wasn’t quite sure* *it felt hard to breathe, his lips slightly parted as he watches you, you turning your head and meeting his eyes and in that moment, the dam of emotions that he had kept locked up tight was forced opened, all of these feelings hitting him so hard it made him dizzy but he refused to break your gaze, unable to move from his spot, unable to think of anything but you you you, knowing that he was so fucking gone for you, no one would ever compare, no one would ever make him feel like this* *his mouth was dry as he slowly makes his way towards the crowd, his eyes still locked on yours, not caring about who he knocked into or who he was blatantly ignoring, none of them mattered to him now or ever again, until he hit the bottom of the staircase you were descending, his voice rough and tense once you were close enough to hear him* Hello, Hannah.

____________________________________________

*I could see now how large of an event this was, another charity gala and seeing that the Waldorf’s obviously had money, maybe even as much as you, but you were not the type to through lavish parties, always more quiet and private in that regard* *i still couldn’t spot you in this sea of black and white, figuring I should have checked with Charles if you arrived before me or not, biting my lip nervously as one hand holds up my dress as I descend the stairs, not noticing the number of heads that turn or eyes on me as I search for the only pair that mattered* *i look towards the bar and it was like a magnet that drew my gaze to you, breath hitching and my movements pausing for a moment as our eyes lock, heart beginning to thrum in my chest with the pace of its beating, whole body vibrating as I begin to slowly come down the stairs as you come closer, only able to properly admire you as you cleared through the crowd and it felt like the floor had fallen from beneath me, clutching the railing a little tighter as butterflies explode in my stomach, my eyes running over the trim fit of your suit, the clench of your jaw, before they focus back on your eyes, able to see the hint of tiredness that you were hiding but your eyes were deep stormy grey, my favourite shade* *when we finally get face to face I can’t help the shy smile that graces my face, my nerves clear as goosebumps raise on my skin at your voice, biting my lip softly as I look at you through my lashes* Hi. *whispers, the tension thick between us, having thought that maybe distance would have eased that but it felt more intense than ever*

#hannah plot

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myckicade · 9 months

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Follow-up thoughts...

Other Things I Hated/Strongly Disliked:

I wasn't a fan of Angel having to go through MORE TORTURE. Now, he has to live with having struck the first blow. It kills me, too, to know that he always felt like such an outsider in his own family, only to be left as the last one standing. (He's never going to know he has a nephew, I'm sure). He was a punk-ass little bitch for much of the series, but he certainly got the short stick when it came to this final season.

I really woke up with the feeling of a bad break-up with no explanation. Like the cuntbag ran out on me. There are so many loose ends. Plot holes. Gaping inconsistencies. I don't know what the hell I've experienced. I didn't need the perfect ending, or a happy one. I just needed a conclusion that made sense. Hell, I just wanted the last few seasons to make sense! (Please note, I followed the plot, just fine, but it was some of the worst writing I think I have ever encountered).

Minus Emily's survival (and victory), I had what I wanted - even with Bishop back at the head of the table - right up until the fucking ATF showed up. BAH. A few tweaks, and I could have lived with this finale, even with everyone and his brother dead. As it was, I felt like I was watching a hit in a bad mafia movie, scene after scene after scene. ><.

P.S. I'm not saying I'm upset because I didn't get exactly what I wanted. I'm upset for how it all went down. I could have even handled Taza getting taken out, because that would have made SENSE. (Like, two seasons ago, but y'know).

And, did they actually tell Terry what happened to Jess? Or, did they get what they wanted, and whack him? I feel like I looked away for a hot minute, and missed something. (I think I was in the kitchen, getting ice cream, and treats for my dogs).

Wasn't cool with the five-minute throwaway bit with the other bar girl, either. All to kill off Downer.

While I'm glad that EZ got outed, if only for sake of karma, why didn't Katie go to Bishop in the first place? I can't imagine why she would have needed to wait to get in good with Potter to do that? I'm sure there's some logical reason, but I'm not seeing it. And, even though she packaged it as a message from Creeper, how did Bishop not question it? Ask for more proof? Seems to me, they really nabbed the shortcut on that sucker.

Finally, the more I think about it, the more I realize just how hard they leaned into the Julius Caesar shit, last night. Potter offering up their version of the Ides of March warning. Instead of March 15th, 'tonight' was the date. If it had been woven a bit more clearly into the rest of the series - minus the evident ruler-to-tyrant part - I wouldn't feel so icky about it now.

Other Things I Loved:

Motörhead made my night. That was so nice.

Angel blacking out his ink. He won't go back, not that there's much to go back to. He said it, he did it, and he was dedicated to it. It's perfect.

Hank was walking without the cane, right? That wasn't my imagination? It was nice to see, while it lasted!

During one of the commercials, they played an ad for Blue Beetle. I saw Raoul Trujillo on the screen for a split second, and that was A-Okay by me!

We had a lot of ads for new flicks last night, huh? I don't watch much for live television, so maybe it was just me.

Bonus Random Thought:

Maybe offing everyone was a giant 'Fuck You' to those of us who complained, and the lack of viewership that got them cancelled. Heh. Heh.

#Mayans #Mayans MC #Mayans M.C.#Mayans M.C. Spoilers #Mayans MC Spoilers #Mayans Spoilers

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umitscomplicated · 1 year

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I really fucking love it when you bite back

So I was supposed to have a date with Ferret on Friday. He canceled, because he apparently got a call from a friend who really needed him eye roll. This is the second time he's canceled with me, and on a Friday night!! So I hit up Jaguar. We had a date scheduled for Sunday, but I asked if he was free, and he was, so I went to his house.

While I was making those plans with Jaguar, I was also messaging a few people on dating apps. A new person had sent me a message, and I debated for a really long time on if I was going to match with him or not. Everything on his profile seemed like we would get along, but with one major red flag - he’s 25. I decided to go for it and see what happens. I have been trying really hard to be a little less picky. I just want to meet interesting people, do new things, have some fun. I obviously have to be attracted to them, but beyond that it’s so hard to know if I click with anyone until I meet them. He started by asking how I’m battling social interaction and my injuries - an oddly thoughtful question. I have a blurb on my profile with information about the accident, and it’s proven to be a heck of a conversation starter. Then he gets my super obscure reference to the Daniel Sloss Jigsaw special! He is the second person to ever get that reference. We talk about both being extroverts and overly social. He says I’ve already checked off like 5 boxes for him, so he’ll just need my red flags. I give him this list: “I have a master’s in therapy. I will absolutely know more about you than you want me to. I’m poly, and it’s not a choice - if you can’t handle that then it’s a red flag. I live with my ex, but it’s fine we get along. We broke up 3 years ago and I’m working on buying a house in the next year or so.” Then I ask for his - pointing out that he already has one for being 25. He says his age is definitely the biggest one, his PhD consumes his life so he can be stressed and busy, and that he’s very stubborn so will try to outdo me on who knows who better. We agree that we’re both pretty okay with each other’s red flags. I am so attracted to ambition, so being in a PhD program probably outweighs his age. He studies risk sciences and loves to argue. We banter back and forth for several messages, while I’m getting ready to go to Jaguar’s house. There’s a hint of a challenge and a ton of flirting. My favorite message: “The sexual tension in an argument. Don’t even get me started.” I told him I was getting ready to leave to go out, gave him my phone number, and asked him to text me. He did, immediately, saying I’m going to be impossible to take on a date because I’m so busy. I agree it’s true, and say he’ll just have to fight for my time. We continue flirting while I’m on my way to Jaguar’s (responding at stop lights or using voice to text). This boy has strong "fight me" energy, and I am so, so into it. I’m calling him Scorpion.

I get to Jaguar’s. He's an engineer who can't stay still, so his house is really cool. He showed me all the work he's done on it, his archery / axe throwing set up in his back yard, and all his 3D printers. We had dinner and drinks, and talked for ages. We bonded over both being over-thinkers, and not being able to shut off our minds. He’s been through a lot in the last year. He went through a break up, his ex took his daughter to live near family several hours away, and one of his dogs died. He has only been in the area for around two years, and doesn’t know very many people around here. We were sitting on the couch talking, and he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes. It was a really good kiss, that immediately led to more kissing. We made out for a while, then he asked me if I wanted to go upstairs. I said yes. The sex was also really, really good.

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primofate · 3 years

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2K Followers Event: Pancake and Waffle Cafe Masterlist

Nutella Waffles (overhearing and misunderstanding a conversation/situation) MODERN AU ANGST

Characters: Childe, Kazuha, Thoma, Albedo, Kaeya, Zhongli, fem!reader

Warnings: not proofread :D, cheating, fighting, insulting, misunderstanding (duh), pregnancy, sexual innuendos, implying sex, mentions of sex, still SFW though, of course I bent the lore since it’s an AU

Notes: I had trouble with this so I decided to make it a modern AU. That’s also why it took so long. I think my brain is starting to run dry XD I mean, there’s only so much situations/conversations I could think of that could be misunderstood. Still, enjoy!

Childe

"Ah, sorry, Y/N, I can’t walk you home today... Maybe tomorrow?” Childe smiled at you, scratching the back of his head, his school bag swung over his shoulder already. He looked like he was in a hurry.

It’s been a few days like this and you really didn’t know what was happening. You asked him if he needed help with stuff at home or if he was having a hard time with his homework and if that’s why he was always rushing off. He would just give you the same smile and wave a hand. “It’s nothing like that,” and then off he’d go.

The next day, as you walk towards his classroom during lunchtime you hear him and his friends talking before you even reach the classroom door.

“Zoe is totally cute,” Childe says. The voice he uses is something that he’d never used on you before. You freeze in your tracks and try to listen in more. “Wow, she really is! Great job picking her!” one of his friends said and it sounded as if they’d hit Childe on the back as a congratulations. “Let me see, let me see,” another one says followed by a gasp. “Have you taken her out yet?” Childe laughs nervously and you know all too well without even looking at him that he’s probably scratching his head. “No, not yet,”

“Does your girlfriend know yet?” Someone else asks.

And then you hear a laugh that’s all too mischievous. All too playful. All too heart-wrenching. “She doesn’t know!” and they continue to laugh.

You turn away and try your hardest not to let tears escape from your eyes. It felt as if you were being laughed at. Like everyone knew that he was cheating. Everyone except you. It doesn’t help that there was a Zoe in the other class too. The way his friends laughed made your cheeks heat up in embarrassment and the tears you were so desperately holding back to finally flow through.

You ended up staying in the washroom for the whole of lunch time, staying in a cubicle for an extra few minutes, late for the next class.

Somehow you didn’t expect Childe to still show up in your classroom to pick you up for the day and walk you home. You stare at him at the classroom door, your eyes had already gone back to their normal shade, but still glossy. He doesn’t notice, he has a big smile on his face that mocks you. Ridicules you.

“Y/N! Let’s go together today!” Does he feel guilty? Is that why he finally agrees to walk home with you? Cause he’s had his fill of Zoe already? You don’t say a word and exit the classroom, going past him. Childe blinks, and turns to watch you walking away from him. “Y/N?”

He walks after you, and takes his place next to you. He touches the strap of your backpack, as usual, and says “I’ll take this--”

“I got it,” you reply curtly and move away from him. He’s dumbfounded, eyes still a little wide at your sudden coldness. Now he’s getting anxious. Did he do something wrong? “H-Hey...Y/N, are you mad because I didn’t walk home with you the past couple days? See, I was just--”

“I’m not that petty!” You nearly growl at him, holding his gaze for a few seconds before walking off again. Your eyes are starting to prickle with more tears. You just wanted to get home. As soon as you can. Away from him. You didn’t have the heart to break up with him face to face. You liked him too much, you knew you wouldn’t be able to do it while looking at his handsome face.

Then, he snatches your wrist and pulls you back towards him. The school hallways are emptying out, there’s a few students walking by who ignore the two of you. “Then what’s the matter? I don’t like it when we fight. At least tell me what I did!”

You wrench your wrist away from his and start sniffing. He stands there, shocked at where your tears are coming from. Until you start talking. “I heard you, during lunch time,” his eyebrows furrow. “Lunch...time?” He mumbles, not following. “When you were talking about your cute Zoe!” He doesn’t say anything for a moment and that only confirms your fears.

He’d been looking at other girls, and probably wanting them.

“...Y/N, Zoe is...” Childe scratched his cheek, averting his eyes away.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” you try to turn away, but he doesn’t let you and holds your shoulders with his hands, staring straight at you. “My dog,” You were crying at this point, and when you hear his next words your eyes narrow. “W-What?”

“Zoe is my new dog,”

“B-But your friend asked if you took her out yet...”

“Yeah,” Childe tilted his head, “for a walk?” As you start to connect the dots he takes out his phone and shows you the picture of a cute miniature poodle, it had a collar and a silver tag on it that said “Zoe”. You thought that you might cry again at how cute she was but you just glare up at Childe. “Well, I didn’t tell you cause I was gunna surprise you. I’ve been going home early these days cause we had to go visit the pound a few times and finalize the papers and everything...”

“I-Is that true? Is that all it is?” You sniff, now wiping your stupid tears away. Childe smiles down at you and takes your hands away from your face, replacing it with his, thumbing away the streaks of wetness. “Y/N, no one can ever replace you,” you sniff and let him dote on you. You’d been missing him for a while anyway.

“...Well except Zoe, maybe Zoe can,” he’s clearly teasing you and you don’t hesitate to lift your fist and punch him on the shoulder, earning a small “Ow,” from him followed by a laugh. “I’m just kidding, how ‘bout you come over and visit her today? It’s only her second day home!”

Thoma

You’d made an appointment with your friend a long time ago. Just a quick lunch and catch up date. Thoma had graciously volunteered to drive you to the mall where you were meeting up with her.

“You sure you don’t need me to pick you up? It’s Saturday. I’m free,” he flashes you a smile, his eyes darting towards you only for a second before going back to the road. “I’ll be fine hun, I’ll take the bus home,” you reply to him.

Halfway through your journey he says that he needs to buy something from a convenience store, and so he parks the car properly and grabs his wallet. His phone is on the car phone stand and you pay no heed to it until a soft ‘ding’ makes you pick your head up to look at the screen.

Your best friend’s name pops up, she’s messaged him and your blood runs cold.

“I’ll come over when Y/N’s gone,” the message read. Your heart is already at your throat, and you don’t know what to think. What is this make-believe situation that you’re suddenly in. Is this really happening? Your eyes dart upwards to look at the door of the convenience store. You could see Thoma was still looking at the shelves.

You gulp and you wonder what the right thing to do is. Invade his privacy and peek at his messages? Let it go? Confront him? Cry? Another ‘ding’ fills up the car.

“How long is she going to be out? The longer the better. So...” you couldn’t read the rest of the message, it being cut off but you were already spiraling down the hole of despair. How could he? Your sweet and loyal Thoma ended up going behind your back with your best friend. You thought you were going to be sick, you actually had to roll the windows of the car down to get some fresh air, just as Thoma came out of the convenience store door with a plastic bag.

You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t even be in the same space as him. You were going to cancel today with your friend, you didn’t think you’d be able to function properly. When he sat on the driver’s seat and saw you looking out the window, he didn’t think much of it and revved the engine up. “Ready hu--”

“Take me to my sister’s place,” Thoma blinked and turned to you, confused. “But, what about your lunch date today, dear?”

“I don’t feel like going. My sister’s place is nearby, just drop me off there,” Your hands were already typing a reply to the friend that you were about to stand up on, but you couldn’t even think of what to do or say.

“Dear is everything okay?” He asked while backing the car up, arm outstretched to your side while he’s looking at the rear. He was appalled by your sudden mood change. You didn’t answer but he hears you sniff and he immediately stops the car again. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” He’s alarmed that you’re crying and he reaches to cup your chin and tilt it towards him but you move your face away from him.

“Y/N?” he asked, the confusion in his voice is actually genuine and you can hear a bit of panic in it. “How long have you been seeing Aya?” you spit the words as if they’re poison and the car is quiet. You laugh bitterly. “I thought so, cat got your tongue, huh?”

Thoma shook himself out of his confusion to say, “No, wait, I don’t know what you mean,” You scoff at him. You’re shocked at the amount of resentment you had, you trusted this man and yet this is what happens. “Yeah? Why is she sneaking into our house then?” You point at his phone, the screen is still lit up because of the messages and there were more coming in from your best friend.

Thoma snatches the phone away from the stand and looks at it. Then, he deflates and slumps back on his seat. “Y/N, it’s not what you think,” You hate that line so much. You cross your arms and say, “Just drop me at my sister’s house,”

“Y/N--”

“NOW!”

The drive was quiet. You didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to push you but didn’t want to drop you off to your sister’s without explaining as well. So, just before your sister’s block, he parks on the side and unbuckles his seat belt, then opens your side of the door. “Y/N, listen to me,” he’s rarely this assertive, but you still don’t listen. He’s blocking your escape path.

“It’s your birthday today,” Thoma starts and you blink, completely forgetting about it. “Ayu is sneaking in our house while you’re gone because we were going to set up a surprise for you.” He says slowly, as if he’s talking to a child. Your eyes widen, and you relax in your seat. He gives you his phone and urges you, “Go on, Y/N, you know my passcode right? I don’t hide anything from you, you can read the rest,”

You hesitate, but accept his offer and type it in.

“How long is she going to be out? The longer the better. So we can set up the balloons,”

“I got the cake don’t forget the candles and lighter,”

Thoma picks up his other hand that had the white plastic bag from the convenience store, he picks up the two items from inside. Birthday candles. And a lighter.

Your mouth opens, but you can’t say anything and you only bury your face in your hands out of shame. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry Thoma, I--” He manages to let out a laugh and kisses the top of your head. “I’m so stupid. I trust you, I really do, I just--” now you’re not sure if you’re crying out of relief or embarrassment. “I’m so sorry,” You can’t say anything else and he only kisses you on the forehead again.

“It’s alright, you can make it up to me by going on that lunch date, okay? You deserve the rest. You haven’t cancelled yet have you? Let’s freshen up at your sister’s place and I’ll send you to the mall,”

You nod your head, small smile on your face. This was gunna be one story to tell in the future.

“Oh and it would help if you act surprised when you come home,” Thoma adds with a full laugh that you join in on.

Kaeya

"So how are you and Y/N?”

It’d only been a couple of months of the two of you dating. Kaeya was handsome, gallant and he knew exactly what to say to people. It wasn’t a secret that he was quite popular in school.

Little old you was just another girl in just another class.

“Good, I think,” Kaeya responds, you smile around the corner, hidden from sight, knowing that he was taking a juice box break with his friends. “It’s a little annoying though,” your smile drops and your head tilts sideways in question. “I can’t keep her away and she doesn’t even realize how annoying it is,”

Keep me away? You think. Am I too clingy? You hear them exchange words a bit more, but none of the other words process in your head. Their laughter spurs you out of your thoughts and you return to your classroom dumbfounded.

When the bell rang for dismissal you immediately packed and walked home by yourself. Kaeya was confused when he arrived at your classroom door, and found that you weren’t there anymore. “...Hey, did Y/N go home?” he asked one of your passing classmates. “Yeah, she went out pretty fast,”

Now he was worried. Did something happen at home? He takes his phone out as he’s out the school building, tapping your name and calling, only for the call to not even connect. His brows furrow but nonetheless, he goes home for today and types in a message for you.

“Hey, you okay? Talk to me if you need something,”

The next day, when he usually waits outside your door for you to come out, he realizes that you’re a little late and further realizes that you weren’t going to come out. He wasn’t about to knock on your door, your parents didn’t know about him yet.

He tries to call you again but he’s met with the same result as yesterday. He sighs and looks up at the sky while he’s walking. He hasn’t seen you for nearly a full day now, and he doesn’t realize how long a full day is until now. He just wants to see your smiling face again and he starts to wonder if he’d done something wrong.

By lunchtime, he’s sprinting towards your classroom as soon as the bell rings, wondering if you were there. Indeed, finally, he spots you in your classroom and his shoulders slump in relief only to tense up again when he sees a guy in your class talking to you, and you, smiling happily.

“Y/N,” he calls out to you, waving his hand. You look away from your conversation to him and he notices how your smile turns into a tight line on your face. His own smile drops, but you walk out of the classroom anyway and address him. “Yes?” He blinks down at your tone of voice. “U-Uh... Wanna have lunch together?”

“...But it’s annoying that I’m clingy right?” The two of you unconsciously move away from the door to out in the hallway, so that you’re not blocking the way of people coming in and out. He narrows his eyes in confusion. Where is this coming from? “I--No, what do you mean? I never said that,”

“Yesterday, you said you can’t keep me away and it’s annoying,” you averted your gaze, feeling your eyes start to water. Kaeya reels back a little, replaying things in his mind, trying to remember if he said something like that. And, with a light bulb moment, his face breaks into a grin and slight laughter. You glare up at him, “What? It’s funny?”

Kaeya places a hand on your shoulder and explains while smiling. “Y/N, you didn’t listen to the rest of the conversation, did you?”

---What really happened---

“It’s really annoying though. I can’t keep her away and she doesn’t even realize how annoying it is,” he sips on his juice box again.

One of his friends pipe up, “Dude that’s a little harsh,”

Kaeya blinks. Once, twice and thrice. Until it dawns on him. “Oh, no, I meant that I can’t keep her away from other people,” he grins and leans both his elbows on the windowsill. “She doesn’t realize that she’s super friendly, and other people like talking to her a lot. Whenever I go to her classroom she’s always talking to different people.”

His friends make a sound of understanding. “I wish I could just keep her to myself,” and continues sipping on his juice.

“That’s really cheesy, even for you, Kaeya,” one of his friends say and the lot of them starts laughing.

---That’s what really happened---

It was your turn to blink at him, confused. “S-So...”

Kaeya pats your head and smiles. “You can ask my friends if it makes you feel better,”

A small blush crosses your cheeks and you duck your head to hide it. It earns yet another chuckle from him. Your moment is interrupted by another guy who approaches the two of you. “Hey, Y/N, if you’re free, do you think you could help me out with this? I don’t really understand it,”

Kaeya just looks at the guy and sighs, then turns to you again. “See what I mean?” to which you just goofily smile at.

Kazuha

“You saw what?”

Your hands freeze, holding the book you were reading open. The living room had gotten lively again, seeing as your little brother had come home from school. “I saw Kazuha with a girl,”

You try to keep your face composed. It was a school day. You’d stayed home because you weren’t feeling too well. Your brother was saying it without a care in the world. He was just a grade schooler and telling you about the things he observed. He was looking through the fridge for something to drink.

You didn’t ask more, but you were DYING to know more. Kazuha didn’t mention going anywhere today... You picked your phone up and wondered if you should ask him. Your phone had blown up this morning cause he didn’t see you at school and he was wondering if you were alright.

But it seems that Kazuha himself was having a grand time too.

“So...T-The girl...Did they look close?”

Your little brother closes the fridge and looks at you while drinking from a milk carton. “Mm...They were holding each other...” You bit your lip as tingles run down your spine. They weren’t the good kind. It was the kind that you get when you watch horror movies and or a drama movie and a revelation had just happened. You were silent for a moment, but in your mind you were already thinking of how Kazuha looked with another girl. Holding each other? What did your brother mean? Like...hugging? Or...? But you couldn’t ask him about that, could you?!

You sighed out loud and slammed the book you were reading down on the table, just as your phone started ringing. “Kazuha,” you whispered under your breath and looked at your phone screen. Well...you believed in him, and you thought the best way to clear this up is to talk to him about it.

So, you grabbed your phone and retreated into your bedroom to talk to him. You picked up the call, “Kazu-kun?”

“Y/N,” he greeted. Even apart, his voice has this effect on you. Like he was really there and breathing into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You were sure that you were blushing. “How are you? Are you feeling better?” His voice is smooth and calm and you melt into your bed. “Yeah, a little,”

“Could I come over later? I just want to check on you,” You smile into your phone and close your eyes. Kazuha could never do that to you, you think to yourself. But still, you really wanted to ask. “Of course, I don’t think my parents would mind...Hey,” you start, your fingers nervously drawing circles on your pillow. “My brother said he saw you...with a girl,”

There’s silence on the other line, and you can hear him shifting a little. “A...girl?” He repeats the question and you bite your lip. He sounds unsure and now you were unsure too. “Yeah, he said that you were holding on to each other...or something,” Again some silence, until he makes a sound of understanding.

“Ah, he must mean Sango,” there’s a little lilt to his voice, like he was happy and you were a little jealous. “Sango’s my cousin, she came to surprise me for my birthday week.” Kazuha laughs nervously and adds a little hesitantly. “She...uhm...would like to meet you actually, is it okay if I bring her over today?”

Your heart sighs in relief, as do you and you don’t realize that you’ve done that out loud. In the next moment though, you smile and nod, even though he can’t see you. “Of course! Bring her over!”

Albedo (More fluff than angst)

Cleaning at home was one of the things you did to get your mind off of things. Some people would call it tedious, but to you, it was sort of relaxing. It was something easy to do, you didn’t need much of your brain, just motor memory. Folding. Laundry. Ironing. Sweeping. Basic chores.

But when you clean up in the bedroom you shared with your boyfriend, and found a neatly wrapped present, red wrapping paper and blue ribbon tied on the top with a tag that said “To: Leila” you’re a little dumbfounded.

Who’s Leila? Is your first thought. Your second thought is, what’s inside? You hold the nicely wrapped box in your hand and turn it all over, trying to get some type of hint. A flash of doubt seeps into your mind but you shake it away. Albedo isn’t like that...Is he? He’s always so dedicated to his scientific research and sure he comes home late sometimes but he always makes it up to you on the weekends...

So who’s Leila? You ask yourself again. And why hasn’t he mentioned it to you? Why didn’t he ask YOU to wrap it? Menial tasks like these were usually passed on to you. You bite your thumb just thinking about it, but in the end just leave the present where you find it.

Later that night as you’re fixing dinner, you aren’t as bothered by the gift as when you first saw it. But it’s still there at the back of your mind and it resurfaces to the front when you hear the familiar keys rattle. Despite that, as he snakes his arms around your waist from behind you can’t help but smile and melt a little, pressing back against him as he leans over to kiss your cheek. “...Smells nice,” he simply mumbles and closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth of both you and your home.

“Welcome back,” you say, while closing the lid on the pot and turning around to give him a proper kiss on the lips. He hums into the kiss as a response and pulls you away from the stove. “How’s your day?” he asks you first and you smile, because your day is nearly the same time and time again. “Fine, I did find a little secret though...” you start and peek up at his beautiful eyes.

He nods to ask you to continue. “A present, nicely wrapped. and it’s addressed to someone called Leila,” He looks down at you and you stare at him. A moment passes by before he takes his arms back and go into his thinking pose. “...Leila...?” he asks, eyes averting from your gaze. You wonder if he’s pretending. You wonder if he’s trying to make an excuse up. “...I don’t--” and then his eyebrows twitch. “Ah,” he says and drops his arms to his side.

“We were invited to a birthday party, remember? By a co-worker,” he tucks in strands of your hair as he talks. “It’s her daughter’s first birthday...I don’t care much for such things but you insisted it’d be alright to go.” he chuckles a little. “Her daughter’s name is Leila,”

You make a sound of understanding. Suddenly your hesitant thoughts wither away. “Hmmm? You could’ve asked me to wrap the present,” Albedo pulls away from you and towards the fridge, wanting a glass of water. “The wrapping wasn’t done by me, it was the shop, free service,” and so it made more sense.

And although you want to ask more questions, like where he got it, when and what’s inside, you realize it’s such a trivial thing. It was not worth that much time. A gift is a gift, and you turn back to continue making dinner while making idle conversation with him.

Zhongli (Warning: Suggestive) (but this is also my personal favourite... aha...)

“Zhongli?” You arrive home a little early today, dropping your keys at the front shelf. You don’t hear him anywhere and you shuffle around your living room for a while, looking at the letters for today.

He was on a work from home arrangement today, and he would usually be in his office. You were quite sure that he would’ve come out to greet you though, if he heard you. He must be busy at the moment.

You’d wanted to wash your hands as soon as you came home, and went for the guest washroom. When you open the door, your eyes land on something on the counter, next to the sink. This bathroom was always kept clean for visitors. You liked to host people once in a while, or just invite friends and you took pride in having them comfortable in your house.

Your eyes narrow as you go closer and your hands pick up a pregnancy test that was lying there.

It was positive.

You put it back down and shudder a little. You don’t remember getting a pregnancy test. You bite your lip and look at yourself in the mirror. You’re already jumping to conclusions, and you can’t help it. Who the hell would leave a pregnancy test in YOUR guest bathroom? Zhongli didn’t mention anything...

You sigh a breath out and close the bathroom door behind you, taking your phone out to text your best friend.

“There’s a positive pregnancy test in our guest bathroom,”

After a moment, there’s a reply.

“OMG Are you preggers?!”

“No, it’s not mine,”

The next reply takes a moment more. “Oh, maybe ask him?” and you know that your friend hadn’t known what to reply at that moment. Because a random positive pregnancy test in your guest bathroom was NOT a good sign. To top it off, you didn’t announce to Zhongli that you were coming home early today.

Your perk up when you hear noise from the other room. You open the bathroom door slightly, and hear the unmistakable low voice of your fiance, coupled with...the voice of another woman. You close the bathroom door again, not bothering to lock it, and sit on the closed toilet seat. You’re sitting there with nothing in your mind, unable to think.

A few minutes later the voices are louder, they’ve moved to the living room, right outside the bathroom you were in. You tense up, and your jaw tightens. You don’t want to see them. You don’t want to hear them. For a moment you wish that you didn’t come home early, and just pretend this didn’t happen, but the door to the bathroom door opens, leaving you eye to eye with a woman you recognize.

Luna was a beautiful woman. Long cascading brown hair, they’re wavy and stops right at her waist. Doll-like blue eyes and a slender body. She sees you sitting there and you feel stupid, but she just breaks into a grin. “Y/N!” she grabs you by the wrist and pulls you out of the bathroom before you could even say anything. You’re numb, so you don’t respond to anything around you.

Zhongli turns around wide-eyed to see you standing there meekly, not meeting his gaze. He still goes to you though and asks curiously. “When did you come in? I didn’t hear you,” he places a hand on your arm while Luna releases you, but you still don’t look up and he wonders if something happened at your workplace to make you come home so early. “Luna and Childe stopped by,” Zhongli says, in at attempt to cheer you up. You look up, and only then did you realize that Childe was there too, talking animatedly to Luna. You tilt your head sideways, “They came with a surprise. Ah, but it’s not mine to tell,”

That’s right... Luna and Childe had been together for a while and then it hits you when Luna shows you the same positive pregnancy test you saw on the counter, and announces that she’s pregnant. Your eyes are wide. You can’t tell if you’re more relieved that it wasn’t what you thought or more happy for your friends. You feel horrible about it but you manage to crack a smile and went along with the festivities. The more time passed the more you were able to enjoy their happiness and by the time they left, that was the only time you sighed and let your shoulders slump, exhausted.

“Is something the matter?” Zhongli asked. He noticed how your smiles were a tad bit forced. How you seemed to enjoy everything but also seemed to be on edge. You turn to him and shook your head. “It’s...stupid. It’s my mistake,” but he holds on to your waist and urges you to tell him.

And you tell him. How you came home and saw what you saw in the guest bathroom, what you thought it was and how you felt. The only thing you can feel now is embarrassment and shame. You couldn’t even feel happy for your friend. Zhongli only smiles and combs his hand through your hair. “It’s the normal reaction,” he reassures you, again trying to make you feel better. You only respond with your own hug but his next sentence makes you flustered, all thoughts of earlier gone as he whispers into your ear.

“Would you like your own positive pregnancy test?”

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