#that shit tastes like ASSS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hellastress · 3 months

Text

MY EXPERIENCE WITH 12TH SUN SIGN EDITION

ARIES:

* These people are like an alarm clock, loud, annoying and wants you to move ur asss immediately

* if u want a peaceful morning i suggest get away with them

* when they do something they want it done or else they wont finish it, this is why they tend to thrive in competition

* they take everything with passion very aggressive in their endeavor, but honestly i love their dedication, they really are the boss bitxh u dont wanna cross

* my parents are both aries sun and when i tell u that i am always stimulated in our house, i meant that shit

* they don’t wanna be late, they always want things to be hurry! Hurry! Fck this shit, my taurus moon ass is always so stress everytime we have to go somewhere

* They are the life of party! If not, the party is their life, they crave a loud environment

* They initiate first, one thing i love them is they don’t let u have the first step, they are the first step

* I find that even the women who have this placement are so masculine in their own way, some have athlete physics, sharp bones and taller than their actual height

TAURUS:

* ohhhh my ppl, but sometimes u guys move like a fckng turtle, pls can we atleast be considerate to other ppl?

* This ppl don’t care especially if they are hungry, they will eat in front of u and wont dare to share their foods, or anything that gives physical comfort

* when deprive of sleep, they will refuse to talk to anybody and when generally not in the mood, everything will be on fire if they are not 100% okay

* They stand on their business, whatever business they have in life, they are stubborn about it

* But if they are in their best self, u get the most adorable, caring friend, they are so chill, so laid back, i feel at home in their presence

* Lazy!? Tf, one thing i know is they will not initiate if things don’t benefits in the long run, i swear they are the most hardworking i know, they have this one goal direction in life that they don’t want ppl to interfer

* everything must be pleasant, they don’t like it when something is smelly or their spaces is stinky, it ruin the vibe for them

* A taurus won’t be involve to any drama, they will let u which is funny cause ur wasting ur energy

* beautiful ppl, their style are so comfy, most of them love wearing pants with good fabric (silk pants, jogger pants, loose pants)

* I find that men who have this placements are feminine in their own way, angelic face, boyish, they have this gentle vibe with them

GEMINI

* What is “shut up?” I love them they are like my cousin, like i can talk shit with them and they will not take anything personal

* They are sooo creative, i love how their mind works, they are so flexible, adaptable, a true chameleon

* They can have like 100 hobbies and they will excel at some of them

* They love to argue for no reason just bc they are bored (diabolic)

* This ppl can’t stop moving, if it’s not their hand, their mouth will refuse to shut up, it’s like there’s something that wants to come out

* Their music taste is top tier! They like pop and trendy music

* Very sociable ppl, they know everyone, ur friends from the other block? Oh best believe they know them, the drama in the other room? Yes they know, they don’t attract gossip the gossip are attracted to them haha

* Undeveloped gemini is a pain in the ass, a true menace, they can act careless and bitchy around ppl they don’t find popular or don’t fit the social standard

* They have a fairy look to them, beautiful hand, fair skin, chubby like, they have a bouncy effect whether it’s their hair (most of them have wavy hair) or the way they walk

CANCER

* Emotional who? These ppl won’t care about other ppl if they are not part of their circle, if they don’t consider u as their friend or family, u won’t see the emotional side of cancer

* Most of them are reserved, they like to observe and move side ways, i find it funny every time a cancer enter a room, u won’t feel their presence unless u care enough to notice them

* They don’t like attracting attention especially drama that don’t involve their family or friends

* They are so gentle with everything, the way they talk have a pure intentions to it

* Don’t hurt any animals infront of them u will not like what they will do to u

* Very innocent, child like vibe even if they look mature, u can still feel the youthfulness in their presence

* Literally the “big sis” most of them carry their family’s legacy, either handling the business, taking care the oldies in the family or they are the baby in the family

* A cancer won’t socialize if they don’t feel safe in your presence or the environment they are in, they don’t like speaking to a larger conference

* they thrive when they can connect emotionally with ppl, i love talking to them everytime were alone, they can be the wiser and smartest ppl in the room

* Like a moon, cancer have different shape of sizes, they’re either have a round face, crescent moon face, or have a crab looking body, like long limbs, chubby like body or either skinny with chubby faces, fair skin and average height

* A lot of Cancer men i know have a good relationship with women, some of them can be surrounded by female friends

VIRGO

* Calm the fuck down? Chill, breathe in, breathe out

* These ppl either a clean freak or the disorganized-organized ppl

* Stop moving their things! they want it where they leave it, they don’t like it when u clean their spaces, leave it, u will stress them out

* They overthink to the point they couldn’t sleep, they care about even the tiniest mistake they made today

* The things u barely notice? Oh best believe they will point it out even your insecurities haha sometimes they are unaware of this behavior of them so take it as a way to develop yourself

* They love to talk shit! I swear this is why they love gemini bc they can talk and rant and they will not get tired of that haha

* If a virgo cares enough for you, their act of service is top tier, u don’t have assignment? Okay i will make one, u forgot something, they will not forget it, need something? Yes they have it, they have your back (pls lord give me my own venus virgo)

* These ppl either thrive in school or won’t care but will still pass enough just because they need to

* These mf’s are selective, if u don’t stimulate them or u don’t pass their whatever tf standard, u will not have any access to them, even the food they ate, the things they buy, they are so practical and picky with everyhing they allow in their life and 10 pts for that

* They love to read, they are so random that you can get a 10+ random facts u don’t even ask for

* Everything must have a meaning! A purpose, they have this WHY in their forehead

* If food is the key to a man’s heart, a Hygiene is the key to their heart, long nails? Eww, messy clothes? Eww! Eating like it’s your last meal? Eww! Like everything must be in the ethical standard

* They observe like a hawk, this is why ppl are not comfortable around them, they are not scared to confront or point ur mistake, and it’s annoying tbh having someone to say every shit lmao

* The corporate style look suits them so well, i love seeing them dress so formal, it gives a sophisticated vibes to them

LIBRA

* Keeping up with the kardashian? No, more like keeping up the peace even tho ppl have done walk all over you, kinda bullshit but were keeping the peace right haha!

* Libra’s are sociable butterfly in a silent mode, u can see them everywhere surrounded by ppl and they are not loud about it

* These ppl would rather sacrifice their mental health than confront a person because they love to keep a harmonious relationship

* Libra’s can be a cheater or enabler they said, but these ppl tend to stay longer in a relationship whether it’s about friendship, because they have already attached some aspects of their life to these ppl that they can’t imagine having to fall apart with them

* These ppl love listening to classical music, a friend of mine has a playlist with just a bunch of classical music, it calms them

* A good ppl in general, imagine those kids who have complete set of stationary, lunch box, good style, someone who smell nice, yeah that’s a libra

* Pleasant in all aspects, they have an artistic keen in them, whether it’s about their style, their writing, their house, everything must catch the eyes, this is why i find them gravitate towards virgo’s sharp eyes

* They love white and blue, pastel in general, them liking colors that’s not too warm nor too cool

* They love justice, they love fairness, they are all about balance but when it comes to their personal life everything is opposite and i can’t blame them bc were humans and life is full of shit

* There’s nothing a libra’s like is when someone act like a decent human being, ppl who have decorum/manners, ppl who take care of themselves, ppl who are stable in life

* They have this vibe of a statue you can see in museum, calm yet head turner

#zodic signs #astro observations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #virgo

21 notes · View notes

imtheaestheticslave · 2 years

Text

Thingss i love about him:

- when he laughs at me although i dont even know what the hell he is laughing about. He looks so handsome when he cracks up though <3 (although i must look so dumb but im happy that he’s enjoying his time with me 😋)

- The way he does his own thing without giving an f about others

- The way he pins my head down to kiss me when im on top of him (😏)

- The way when he comes in and sees me in bed then he gonna comes to me and hug me (like aww babeee😭)

- The way he burries his head in my neck or my chest (unfortunately got no boobs to offer🥲) when we cuddles (it makes me feel like im his safe space and awww ofc i am YOUR safe space😏)

- He called me his alcohol, dessert and 🧸 (like that is way better then the body punching bag shit when we were first close)

- The way he says certain stuff purposefully to piss me off/ teases me just so he can see my angry/mad reaction because i know he likes it and thinks it’s funny/cute😛 and wants to see it

- His “uhuh” is the hottest thing alive (like i wanna die hearing that)

- How much he likes beer

- His AMAZING movie taste (very different from mine but his movies are real cinematic experiences and taught me how to be patient to enjoy movies since i have always been into fast-paced shits because they r the only thing that caught my attention fully)

- Yeah and he does teach me to be patient as well

- Hate to admit this but great taste in music, teaches me a lot as well

- Him playing with my bum

- The fact that he respects and loves his mom so much and said nothing wrong with a mother’s boy (YESS DADDY)

- He’s grounded as hell

- When we watch dark and he laughed at me and said “it’s cute that you think u’re right” when im trying to guess who’s noah (like i dont get what’s so funny but ummmmm i LOVEEE that reaction of yours)

- His jokes (he thinks he’s soo funny) and uhm my mean im trying my best to humble him down by not laughing😂

- Whenever i get all sad he would hug me tighter in his arms

- When he pads on my shoulder when i cry and say “it’s alright” (i love you so much)

Things i “hate” about him:

- the way he turns everything into a competition bc “i’m a competitive guy” and as a result i owe him 100000 mc donalds already (like baby i would lose everytime and we both know how much power u have over me <3)

- Think he’s a judge in our debates

- If he ever changes his mind about liking me again im gonna kill his asss (and whoever next bitch he’s intending to fuck)

- When he randomly thinks about work when i give him head and obv work always catches his attention even when he’s with me like duh🤨🥺😤😡🤬😳

- The way he knows that i want him to kiss me but he doesn’t (like wtf is that altitude😒)

- Doesnt want to go to sainsbury car parks with me for the aesthetics

- Refuse to believe aliens live underground

- Too self-aware about how much i like him so when i try to lie he will be like “are you though” and reads me too well and soo i can’t be the pathological liar i have always been (bitch sees through my soul😔)

- How he obsseses over parisian and french (like no disrespect to france but he’s too into it)

- How he doesnt stand up for me when yosef is roasting the hell out of my astrology shits

- Narricistic

- Take a long time to admit that my bum is good (not the head though😉)

- Rarely gives compliments 😔😣🚩, instead says “they’re not bad”, “it’s adequate)

- Genuinely thinks that i cant take a joke while i literally can i just act offended sometimes for fun😤

- When he’s tired of fingering me😡

- Sometimes he’s off and just doesnt kiss me that much

- How he says “let’s go back to be friends” so easily like he doesnt care at all although i know he does care

- When he says “u gonna find someone else” and “im not that special”

He’s never been my bf and we came back to friends several months ago. But we crossed the line again😳🥲 (not surprising though), will update more on this list x

#relationship #i love him #couple #10 things i hate about you

3 notes · View notes

miekasa · 3 years

Note

Eren is super annoying about the music festival days before going, but in an endearing way. He knows EXACTLY what he’s going to pack as an outfit for the whole three days and wants to make damn sure you look good too so he volunteers to help you come up with a GREAT outfit as long as you put the makeup on the both of you cause he can’t do shit with makeup 😔 If you guys are going in a group you know Jean’s driving with Mikasa in the front cause they be the most responsible of the bunch with you, eren, Sasha, and connie in the back. You may be pretty responsible but eren wants u to sit with him. On the way there Connie and Sasha bring UNO to play with you and Eren but eren takes the game too seriously once connie keeps hitting him with those reverse turn cards 🔄 or the + 4 Cards. Once Connie brings those big boys out and he will it’s just chaos in the back while Jean is yelling at everyone to shut the fuck up in the front and Mikasa keeps telling Eren he needs to let go of connie’s shirt while you are trying to pull him off because Connie kept hitting him with those +4 cards that eren basically has the whole stack in his cards. Sasha just wants Jean to stop at the fucking in-and-out or a McDonald’s cause she’s getting hungry and these Doritos ain’t gonna cut it -🔮 anon

NOOOO PLEASE THIS IS SO FUNNY BY THE IMAGE OF EVERYONE TAKING A ROADTRIP AND HANGING OUT !!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH !!!!!

Okay, okay, the beforehand like you said, he’s so fucking excited and happy to start packing. I think even without the festival aspect, Eren would be the kind of guy to get excited about a road trip, especially one with his friends. The second he got his tickets, he was already thinking of outfits to wear, even if he dresses pretty plain/normal on the average day, he was ready to BRING IT for the festival; and he would absolutely want you to coordinate with him!! Definitely wants you to do his makeup, and like I said before, I would give him his titan marks but just with glitter, but whatever you do he’s like “Babe you’re an artist wow!”

JEAN AND MIKASA BEING PARENTS PLEAAASSEEE. Jean is driving because he’s responsible like you said, but also he doesn’t trust anyone else to drive lmaoooo (not that there were many other options because you already know Sasha and Connie don’t have their licenses). They would all be so fun on a road trip oh my godddd, Mikasa’s on aux because she has the superior taste in music, obviously; Connie being prepared with the Uno cards and other games; Sasha making Jean pull over for food and potty breaks PLEASE the vibes are immaculate.

Connie plays Uno by the Unoffical Official Rules, and by that I mean, not only does he play +4s ruthlessly, but he also stacks them and thinks it’s perfectly find to stack them with +2s too LMAOOOOO he’s a fucking menace, no wonder Eren wants to kick his asss 😭😭 Eventually Eren just pretends he’s tired and doesn’t wanna play anymore, but really he was just bitter and wanted to take a nap on your shoulder.

#🔮 anon #THIS SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN #i love them all together like this plssssss #jean also begs you to do cool makeup on him and i feel like he'd paint his nails #eren.ask #minicanons

51 notes · View notes

thoughtsheadfull · 2 years

Text

I’m obsessed with myself like holy shit I’m so fucking hot and I’m cute and smart and have sex appeal and I’m funny and I have good music taste and I have style, I have good skin and the coolest hair and a hot body with asss and boobs and cool piercings like holy shit and I’m so nice and I’m such a good friend and I’m compassionate and I’m super friendly, and I have a cute laugh and I have a cute smile like holy shit I could go on

I don’t even care who wants me or nah they probably aren’t good enough for me holy shit

2 notes · View notes

marswritingss · 4 years

Text

reader kicking assses in da bus

req: Hellou, how about your shiratorizawas,inarizakis and nekomas manager and your on the bus to a game and you all have fun and talk and one member tells you to ,,finally shut up" and since you take no $hït you tumble over the seats and beat him up💕💕happend to me irl😂sorry if it's weird

me: yes ofc! you really said 🦵hope you like this :))

warnings: none? reader ends up kicking some asses and then saying sorry so nothing really lmao

hi this is me after a shit ton of time after starting this: i couldn’t bring myself to finish this in headcanons, so i made them one shots (nekoma was the only one i could do in “headcanons”, if you want, i can rewrite this tho)

hi this is me a week after. i’m really really sorry, but my mind can’t finish the inarizaki one, so i’m just going to post this, i hope this is alright and i can try writing it later. sowwy :((

nekoma

– so you guys were on your way to a practice match with uH

– let’s say shinzen idek

– okay i once went to pamplona and used a bus where they even had a bathroom wtf

– ANYWAY

– so uM

– you were playing uno with yaku, kuroo, the second years (surprisingly, kenma included) lev and shibayama

– and oH boy

– it was one hell of a game

– first, lev had been peeking out his tall ass neck to see tora’s cards, which made him almost hit the stupid poor guy

– yaku had teamed with shibayama (who, had incredibly good skills at cheating in the game and somehow got fired up on the game) to turn down kuroo

– kenma remained unbothered, he hadn’t had to take cards off the stack and didn’t make anyone take either

– fukunaga teamed up with you and for some reason he knew who was going to draw what

– kuroo had thirty (30) cards and adding more as shibayama drew +2 cards, and then yaku added another +2 card

– you weren’t the most fired up

– but you did in fact, yell everytime tora or kuroo would pull out a reverse card

– it was when you had lost for the fourth time when lev, of all the people, told you to turn down the volume

– so uM

– with the recent loss, you were riled up and ready to kick the guy in his balls

– which you almost did

– thank god kuroo took you from your armpits like a cat and restrained you from leaving lev without kids

– but you still had that little fire telling you to kill someone

– so you ended up slapping kuroo in the face so hard you’d have knocked him down if he hadn’t been sat down

– and kenma laughs

“oh shit! sorry kuroo!”

“pfffff nice kill y/n” says yaku

– shibayama is scared

– lev thanks the gods for this new chance of life he has been given

– kuroo has a red cheek

– fukunaga is lowkey laughing

– tora, kenma and yaku are laughing their asses off

– this isn’t what you requested wtf

– anyway ima do better in the next one hol on

shiratorizawa

"the girl isn’t even pretty” you muttered. you were watching a movie with tendo and ushijima for the sole purpose of seeing the actress’ ‘undeniably and blinding beauty’, how the spike haired boy had said it.

your taste in girls was picky, though much less picky than in guys, even so, you really couldn’t find anything in the actress that said ‘undeniably beautiful’

“WHAAAA!” tendo screamed, while taking the ipad away from you and looked at you with a surprised face. “the actres is beautiful!” he said remarking the word beautiful. “you have no taste.” he crossed his arms. “at all”

you were about to say something when you saw ushijima nod

huh?????

since when did ushijima, the stoic stone face ace, the super volleyball idiot, the ‘i don’t know anything else than volleyball’ comment on someone’s appearance, other than his volleyball team mates, with the reasoning of their wellbeing??

maybe you had to lower your standards...

“y/n~” said tendo, looking at you with a grin. “admit it y/n... you have no taste, at all” he said. surprisingly, ushijima nodded. semi in the back did too, and you saw shirabu shaking his head, even though it was laying on the ashy haired boy’s shoulder.

i can’t believe i’m talking about taste with 6 feet idiots that like to run around a court following a ball.

your annoyance started growing. of course you had taste! you, f/n l/n, had indeed a very VERY refined taste. you weren’t a tasteless person! much less when it came about women. we’re talking about women!

“ts” you said. you heard shirabu mutter something about a salt stick, and chose to ignore him.

“cmon y/n... it’s okay to admit it...” said semi, trying to be sensible. “the actress is pretty... and when we talk to you about the girls in school you say there isn’t any of your taste...”

?????? so semi, who had NO taste at all, either in girls, boys, clothes or food, was now calling you out??? was this an alternate universe? or a joke from god?

the last straw was when goshiki said you had never had any couple because of your impossible standards.

your blood was boiling and, being tendo the closest you had, and the starter of that argument of you vs the whole shiratorizawa vbc, your hand moved without you even realising and a second later, tendo’s face was red. and a little swollen.

everyone in the bus went silent and returned to their own devices.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry..” you said, inspecting tendo’s face. the slap had left him kinda shook, but he was smiling.

“it’s okay y/n... you just have to admit your taste is bad and i’ll forgive you” he said, grining.

“seems like you’re completely fine to me...” you said, suddenly backing off and letting tendo’s face suspended in the air.

“i hope you’re not making any ruckus back there, or you’ll have to do twenty serves for any hair i’ve got in my face” said coach washijo in the front, which made both tendo and you straighten up. there were a lot of hairs in his eyebrows

PLS WTF IS THIS I’M CRYING AJKDHJKDSHSJKD LMFAOOOO anyway,,,,

i’m so sorry this is so late

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #shiratorizawa #nekoma #nekoma manager #nekoma x reader #nekoma hcs #nekoma x y/n #shiratorizawa hcs #shiratorizawa x reader #shiratorizawa manager #shiratorizawa x y/n

70 notes · View notes

northisnotup · 6 years

Note

Sid/Geno, A, E, and O

from this post: https://northisnotup.tumblr.com/post/130610380606/headcanon-game-a-to-z-nsfw a FUCKING long time ago!

A is for Aftercare: their aftercare routines depend on a few different criteria, Sid’s house or Geno’s, home or away, athletic sex or vanilla. Sid’s home means showering separately and switching from the guestroom Sid uses for sex to his bedroom to cuddle until Sid gets too annoyed with physical contact and rolls over to sleep. At Geno’s house condoms get thrown out immediately and Sid gets pulled close to bask in the afterglow until the sweat, lube and come become Too Much and he pulls Geno into the shower. The sheets aren’t usually too bad, besides the wet spot where whoever was on their back sweated through the fitted sheet, but G’s bed is big enough they usually can avoid it comfortably. Away whoever’s room it is has first shower dibs and the ‘guest’ has to make the sticky, awkward Laid Parade back to their own room.

E is for Experience: Overall Geno has much more experience with sex and relationships, at least, with women. He defo falls into the whole ‘being with a guy means I don’t have to communicate/be a partner’ schtick for a bit but is quick to cut that shit off at the pass. They’re both taking a huge risk with this relationship, like hell they’re doing it half-asssed. When it comes to The Bedroom~ Sid has way more experience with one night stands then he does dating/monogamy. This leads to him very awkwardly not knowing how to initiate sex when they settle into a domestic routine of dinner and tv and chores and carving out time together in their busy schedules. Luckily for him, G is pretty insatiable and has no problem turning a quick kiss in passing into a handjob in the kitchen.

O is for Oral: They are both pretty orally focussed. The joys of playing with mouthguards all their lives. However, after Sid’s broken jaw there is only so much he can do for so long. So while 69′ing is a fun, hasslefree way for both of them to get off, Sid usually ends up finishing G off with a handjob or between his thighs. That is not to say Sid is bad at oral. He decided pretty much immediately that if he was gonna get chirped about his DSL’s he better be worthy of them being called that. Geno has never received complaints about his oral technique from previous partners, and was DELIGHTED to realize that eating a woman out is comparable to giving a rim job. (Not that they do that often, it’s a little annoying to always have dental dams on hand and latex tastes awful etc.) He had to work pretty hard to get to Sid’s level of choke-on-a-dick right off the bat.

#sid/geno #hockeyish #hockey rpf #ask fic

5 notes · View notes

witch-of-the-west-country · 7 years

Text

Lucas Fiction

I’ve been writing since I was a kid. I used to let my friends read my efforts, but since becoming an adult I’ve become a lot more reticent about sharing my stories. I knocked this one up in an hour. It’s a bit rough, and I’m probably going to regret this, so bear with me....And please be kind!

Lucas’s First Kiss

“Hey! Lucas!”

He was standing in front of his locker, just about to slide the key in, when he heard the commotion behind him: Shuffling feet and scattered giggles crowded at his back, and he’d been deciding to just ignore them when he heard his name in a shrill, female voice.

He sighed, hesitating, key in hand, wondering whether he’d get away with pretending he hadn’t heard.

“Luuc-asss!”

The voice was more determined now, drilling into his ears. He recognised it as belonging to Becky from his history class, a horse-faced, inbred bitch who loved to give him a hard time. What fresh hell had they devised for him now?

Lucas turned to face them – a gaggle of roughly 8 girls, jostling each other with pent-up excitement. They were all trailer-trash slutty with teased hair and tight denim, high-heels and hickeys. He wondered if they realised what clichés they were.

“Fuck d’you want?” he snarled.

Becky laughed, a squealing bray that matched her long, equine face. The fuck did her boyfriend see in her anyway? Lucas would bet anything it had mostly to do with her willingness to open her legs. He’d heard she’d taken more pricks than his mama’s old pincushion.

“Oh, it’s not me who wants you, Lucas. It’s Janine here!” said Becky, and with that she shoved a sullen looking girl towards him.

Janine stumbled slightly on her heels, but managed to stay standing.

Lucas barely knew her, didn’t have any classes with her. He regarded her through narrowed eyes.

Her hair was a cloudy mess of brassy blonde, her overly-made-up face scowling at him even as her jaw worked constantly on a wad of gum, chewing like a dairy cow with its cud. She looked, to Lucas, like any of the other girls assembled to torment him.

Janine said nothing, merely glared at him with her arms folded under a pair of huge tits that threatened to spill out of the neckline of her cheap blouse.

“Well?” he demanded. “Fuck d’you want?”

Becky spoke up for her.

“Janine here lost a bet,” she said.

Lucas shrugged.

“What’s that got to do with me?”

The girls elbowed each other, hands over mouths as they giggled.

Becky’s face split into a cruel grin.

“She’s here to pay her penalty. Go on, now Janine – give Lucas his kiss!”

The crowd shrieked with laughter as Janine reluctantly stepped forward.

Horrified, Lucas tried to back away, only to hit the row of lockers behind him. From the corners of his eyes he could see a larger crowd gathering, people drifting into the hall to enjoy the spectacle of crazy Lucas getting kissed.

He opened his mouth to protest, but Janine was already there, now apparently determined to pay her debt in full. Her mouth closed over his wetly with a resolve that overpowered him. She tasted like last night’s spaghetti.

Lucas felt her hand against his chest, her fingers spread, pushing against him in an apparent effort to deter any attempt at intimacy, but she needn’t have worried – she disgusted him. Her tongue fell sloppily into his mouth, her jaw working with the same enthusiasm she’d spent on her gum, which she hadn’t bothered to remove. He felt it tumbling around in there, bouncing against his teeth.

Janine worked hard even if it was devoid of all passion, her lips rasping against the stubble around his own, opening and closing like a machine. The thought of letting his dick get caught in that grinding maw was terrifying.

The sound of cheering swelled around them, a savage, taunting sound that wouldn’t have been out of place at a Roman gladiatorial arena. The knowledge that everyone was watching and laughing bruised Lucas’s fragile ego, but despite this he found himself unable to push the girl away.

Janine wasn’t big. Lucas could have overpowered her easily – could have pushed her right off those heels she teetered on. Slut would have fallen over backwards the way her type always did for the popular boys, legs spread. But for some reason he let her continue, his shock warring with his revulsion.

He was being kissed by a girl. Vile as it was, he was getting something he’d never had before. So he stood there, trapped by a crowd of leering teens and his own libido as she mashed her face against his.

A sudden lessening of pressure telegraphed her intent to stop and as she began to pull away he had the presence of mind to lift one hand and shove it against her shoulder, pushing her backwards roughly.

Janine stumbled like he’d known she would, nearly falling.

“Get the fuck off me, you skanky bitch!” he snarled. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

The spectators gasped, giving him a brief stab of satisfaction. Janine’s face flickered between expressions, like one of those pictures that had fascinated him as a kid – the ones where the picture changed if you tilted it. Only the girl’s face wasn’t winking eyes or a leaping tiger – it changed from anger to hurt and back again as he watched.

Very deliberately, Lucas lifted his arm and smeared the spit from his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie, his bright blue eyes slowly looking at the dismayed girl in front of him from the crown of her frizzy head to the scuffed toes of her shoes.

“Fuckin’ ugly slut,” he sneered, turning back to his locker.

His heart pounded in his chest, the blood climbing up his neck to stain his cheeks with a blush that was part embarrassment and part rage. Something hit him solidly between the shoulder blades – a small, balled fist - but though he winced internally he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of showing his reaction.

“How dare you, Lucas Baker!” shrieked Janine, her voice sounding on the edge of tears. “You dirty son-of-a-bitch! Who the hell....who the fuck....”

Janine started to sob.

Lucas grabbed his books from his locker and slammed it shut angrily. People were dispersing now the show was over, but Becky remained to console her friend.

“Lucas Baker, you ain’t shit!” she spat. “You ought to count yourself lucky!”

Lucas turned, shrugging, refusing to look at either of them.

“Didn’t get nothing she ain’t given to dozens of others,” he remarked as he slouched away, hoping the baggy hem of his hoodie was covering the erection she’d given him.

The rest of Lucas’s day was spent in a welter of confused emotions. He felt like he was surrounded by a crackling black cloud shot through with red sparks that followed him everywhere. Though he tried not to notice the people around him, he occasionally caught a glimpse of that foul whore Becky, fawning all over her prickish boyfriend with a devotion that made him want to puke.

Voices muttered wherever he went - threats, laughter, repulsion. They were all talking about him, crazy Lucas who lived in the swamp, and Janine – poor Janine who’d had to kiss him in the hallway and had gotten abuse for her efforts.

Well, fuck them. Fuck them all to hell. He’d show them one day.

At one point Zoe tried to speak to him. News travelled fast in this shit-pit and she’d heard all about it, but he didn’t want her fucking sympathy. Even though they fought each other a good chunk of the time, she was still his sister and hated it went he got picked on. He couldn’t have borne her pity, though.

Lucas left alone at the end of the day, not waiting to walk home with Zoe. He needed to be alone with his wrath, to let his frustration unspool before him and follow its trail to a point where he could cope with his emotions.

Becky was by the gate, smooching with her boyfriend. Fucking Oliver. It had to be destiny that a bitch like Becky would end up with his childhood tormentor. He remembered the stories he’d written when he was younger, about his revenge on Oliver. He’d written some of them as diary entries, hoping to make them feel more real. In one he’d fed Oliver to the gators in the swamp at the back of the house. In another he’d locked him in the attic to starve to death. But no matter what Lucas had written, he'd go to school the next day to see Oliver there, grinning and gloating and alive.

As his sneakers kicked up the road dust he daydreamed about building something. Some instrument of torture. Something with blades.

In his fantasy, he had all three of them – Oliver, Becky and Janine – tied up at his mercy. They’d be crying, he thought, maybe begging to be released. And then he’d show them what he had in store for them.

To survive, they’d have to betray each other. He’d ask them questions, maybe, that they’d have to get right. He thought about a guillotine that would slice off Oliver’s dick, but discarded that idea. Janine and Becky didn’t have dicks. They all had fingers though.

He imagined a metal bed he could strap their hands to, with five smaller guillotines poised over their fingers, ready to slice them off. That would work. And maybe not questions – that would require some book research, and he had no time for books. Maybe a card game...?

By the time he reached home, Lucas was calmer, almost humming in his good mood. The thought of revenge had soothed him so much that when his mother asked him how his day had been, he was able to respond in a normal tone of voice.

As he lay in bed that night he mulled his ideas over once more before tucking them away in the recesses of his mind. It was nice to pretend, but he’d never actually build something like that.

Probably.

#lucas baker

65 notes · View notes

jiilys · 7 years

Text

a love letter: my goaty turns seventeen

@deadgwen BABE. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. YOU'RE. SEVENTEEN. MY SESTRA MY BEAUTIFUL MY #1 GOAT AND LIFE PARTNER HAS F I N A LL Y CAUGHT UP TO ME AND I JUST !!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIUFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY GOAT. SEVENTEEN. AN ALMOST LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK GOAT. AN ALMOST LEGAL GOAT. CAN'T BELIEVE IT. HOW WE WILL BE BADASS GOATS IF WE CAN NO LONGER DRINK UNDERAGE. THE FUCK ARE WE GUNNA DO. WHO WILL WE BE. HOW WILL BE COOL IF WE CAN'T ILLEGALLY DRINK WE’RE GUNNA HAVE TO GO BACK TO BEING N E R DS OH N O

BUT REAL TALK the birthday post u made me was 985324958320958 words and ofc I could never top u (10,000 WORD EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY DON’T BELIEVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO CAN DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UR A LYING GOAT OK ILL HAVE TO SEE TO BELIEVE) and I'm not as good with words as u are even tho I'm meant to be the writer here u have like GIFT WITH BEIN A DRAMATIC ASSHOLE and I TRY MY BEST but I can't NEVER TOP U and I DON’T EVEN CARE BC I LOVE U SO DAMN MUCH

DEADASS. U WERE THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2014 BC IT WAS THE WORST ASSS YEAR AND THEN!!!!!!!!! I MET YOU!!!!!!!! AND!!!! THE WORLD WAS SUCH A NICE PLACE WHEN WE TALKED AND PUT U IN MY FOLLOW FOREVER AND U DEAD ASS MESSAGED ME SAYING THANK YOU !!!!!!!!

(AND I've BEEN THINKING GOATY AND ITS STRAIGT UP AND ACT OF GOD THAT WE’RE FRIENDS LIKE THE UNIVERSE WANTED US TOGETHER BECAUSE THINK. OF. OUR. TRACK. RECORD. OF RESPONDING TO SHIT. I AM FAMOUSLY THE WORST RESPONDER OF ALL TIME LEAST WE FORGET LAST MONTH WHEN I ANSWERED 15/1000 ASKS AND THEN CALLED IT A DAY AND U HAVE 583583 ASKS ASKING U HOW U MAKE UR BOMBASS GRAPHICS AND SHIT AND I JUST!!! U MESSAGED ME!!!! THANK FUCKING GOD!!! AND THEN I RESPONDED !!!!! AND WE WERE IN LOVE!!! RIGHT THEN RIGHT THERE WE FELL IN DEADASS LOVE)

AND I REMEMBER TO THIS DAY BECAUSE WE WERE TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND I WAS LIKE !!!!!!!!!! THIS GIRL IS SO BADASS I LOVE HER SHE'S FUCKIN HILARIOUS AND WITTY AND THE BEST AND YOU SENT ME THIS MESSAGE LIKE ‘*GAME OF THRONES VOICE* WINTER IS COMING*’ AND I KNEW. I KNEW THAT U WERE MY PERSON. I KNEW. I FELT IT. MY GIRL. MY PERSON FORVER.

TO THIS FUCKIN DAY I DISTRUST ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE CAPS. U HAVE ACTUALLY AFFECTED MY LITERAL PERSONALITY I USED TO START TALKING TO PEOPLE IN CAPS AND THEY WOULD RESPOND IN LOWER CASE AND I WOULD ?????????? BE LIKE ????????????? THE FUC ???????? WAT ????????????

I LOVE TYPING IN CAPS WITH YOU I LOVE HOW YOU HATE LOWER CASE AND WHEN I TURNED 16 YOU MADE ME A POWER POINT FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND IT WAS BEAUTIUFL AND I CRIED AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS JUST BEEN THE BEST GOAT AND SPEAKING OF GOAT

SHAMEFUL CONFESSION TIME: I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE CALL EACH OTHER GOAT. I HAVE COMPELTLY FORGOTTEN THE ORGIN STORY LIKE. WHY. DO. WE DO THIS. ALL I REMEMBER IS #WRITECLUBBAYBAES AND CALLING EACH OTHER A FAKE HOE CONSTANTLY CAUSE WE HAD THAT FIGHT ABT WHO WAS MORE OF A FAKE HOE (OBVSLY I WON U R THE FAKEST HOE) BUT STILL. NO IDEA WHY WE ARE GOATS. I LOVE IT THOUGH. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. HAVE I SAID THAT YET? I LOVE YOU.

YOU ARE ALSO THE #1 REASON IM ALWAYS SENDING LIKE A ZILLION MESSAGES AT ONCE IT WAS U U DID THIS TO ME OK EVERYONE ELSE JUST SENDS LIKE TWO OR THREE BUT NOT US WE’RE SENDING 25 MESSAGES ALL IN CAPS WITH 100 EXCLAIMATION POINTS AND UN E S ESARY SP A CES LIKE HOW EXTRA CAN WE GET WE’RE THE BEST

AND THEN WE TALK MORE ABT MUSIC AND MY BBY HAS !!!!!!! THE BEST MUSIC TASTE !!!!!!!!! OF ALL TIME !!!!!! ‘ EASE’ CLEARED MY SKIN AND FEED MY CHILDREN AND THE RUN AWAY WITH ME REMIX MADE IT RAIN DURING A DROUGHT AND WINTERBREAK IS STILL THE BEST SHIT OF MY LIFE AND THE FACT THAT WE BOTH HAVE AN OBESSION WITH LOVER WHERE DO YOU LIVE IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME

SERIES OF RANDOM FACTS I KNOW ABT ANDY THAT I CAN'T FORGET AND HAVE NO OTHER USE FOR EXCEPT HERE IN LOVE LETTERS LIKE THIS:

- SHE ONCE HAD A DREAM WHERE SHE KILLED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN A WAREHOUSE AND THEN DESCRIBED IT TO ME IN GRAPHIC DETAIL FOR A GOOD 45 MINUTES BC SHE WAS SO HORRIFIED

- THOUGHT MALCOM TURNBULL WAS HOT AND CALLED HIM DADDY DON’T LIE ANDROMEDA I HAVE THE RECIEPTS

- SHE'S THE BEST DAMN ICE SKATER!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! THE MOST RUSSIAN SPORT OF ALL TIME EVER AND MY BBY GIRL KILLS IT!!!!!!!!!! MY SESTRA!!!!!!!!!!!

- TAUGHT ME THE WORD SESTRA WHICH IS FITTING BC SHE IS MINE

- THREATENED TO TAKE MY MOTHER TO COURT BC SHE MADE MY SISTER RETURN A BRACELET SHE STOLE FROM THE DOCTORS WHEN SHE WAS FOUR TALK ABT EXTRA

- WON'T LET BLING BLING JIMMY STAY AT HER HOUSE

- HAS A HABIT OF MAKING TYPOS WITH J IN THEM

- SAID ZCRYING ONCE AND LIKE. IT WASN’T EVEN THE WORST TYPO EITHER ONE OF US HAS MADE BUT. STILL. NOW IT’S A MEME. OUR VERY OWN MEME. ALWAYS. I'M ZCRYING ABT IT.

- THE HEADPHONE BIT IN THE FLOWERS IN JAMES’ RIBS IS ABT HER AND HER BF AND SHE STILL ISNT OVER IT LIKE SHE BRINGS IT UP TO THIS DAY AND I JUST !!!!!!!!!! LOVE HER !!!!!!!!!! SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- CAN'T STAND HEARING LYKKE LY WHICH IS A SHAME BECAUSE I’LL I’LL FOLLOW YOU. I’LL FOLLOW YOU D E E P S E A B A B Y

- I WOULD FOLLOW HER DEEP SEA BABY

- I TOLD HER IF SHE WAS A ROOM SHE’D BE A DINGY FLAT BATHROOM BUT I LIED. SHE WOULD BE THE FUCKING CHANDELLER HALLWAY FROM THOSE OLD MOVIES THAT HAVE THE HUGE STAIR CASE LIKE SOME GONE WITH THE WIND SHIT HONESTLY THE MOST DECADENT AND BEAUTIFUL AND BEST ROOM THE ROOM THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE IN ALL THEIR LIFE

- WE USED TO SEND FANMAILS ALL THE TIME AND WE WERE BOTH SO SALTY THAT TUMBLR STOPPED FANMAIL AND SHE DOWNLOADED THIS SPEICAIL EXTENTION SO WE COULD FANMAIL IT WAS A MESS CAN U BELIEVE 15 YEAR OLD US

- DIDN’T KNOW WHAT SHOT MEANT UNTIL I TOLD HER

- IS ALWAYS SAYING SHE'S GOING TO CATCH UP ON TEEN WOLF AND THEN NEVER DOES

- HATES THE WORD SMOL BECAUSE SHE IS S M O L

- WAS FORCED TO DRIVE BACK TO AUCKLAND FOR NEW YEARS IN HER BIKINI BC HER FRIEND GOT THE SQUAD IN THE CAR AND #GAPPED IT AND TO THIS DAY I AM LAUGHING

- MADE FUN OF MY OBESSESSION WITH FLOWERS BUT I DON’T CARE ILL STILL BUY THEM FOR HER BC THAT’S HOW DEEP MY LOVE IS

- GOT HER BF A FUCKIN DOG FOR HIS BIRTHDAY LIKE THE FUCK GOATY HE DOESN’T DESERVE U HAZZA ISNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR U YOU ARE ART

- IS ALWAYS SAYING ‘DO NOT DIE’ LIKE I COULD SAY ‘I'M GETTING FOOD’ AND YOU WOULD SAY ‘OKAY GOAT DO NOT DIE’

- RECOMMENED ME THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME ANTHEMS FOR A SEVETEEN YEAR OLD BECAUSE

PARK THAT CAR

DROP THAT PHONE

SLEEP ON THE FLOOR

D R E A M A B O U T M E

(I WAS JUST GOING THOUGH OUR OLD FANMAILS AND I JUST FOUND THIS ONE U SENT THAT JUST SAYS ‘*ANGIRLY EATS TRAIN*’ AND LIKE. SAME)

AND NOW WE EMAIL AND ITS JUST THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE OUR EMAILS I LOVE HOW THEY'RE SO EXTRA AND LONG AND HOW WE’RE ALWAYS RECING MUSIC AND SCREAMING ABOUT SHERLOCK OR TEEN WOLF OR SKAM (OUR SKAM CHAT IS THE FUCKIN BEST IN THE WORLD EVER U R SO SMART U ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO THIS DAY I THINK ABT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT WILLIAM AND I DIE. UR SO SMART. THE SMARTEST AND THE BEST) AND I HAVE WAITED 34857239857 YEARS FOR UR MOST RECENT EMAIL BUT I DON’T CARE I WILL WALK THROUGH HELL FOR UR EMAILS AND I HAVE ALL MINE SAVED ON MY COMPUTER IN A FOLDER BC THEY TAKE D A YS TO TYPE AND THEY'RE LIKE DIARY ENTRIES AND I HAVE URS IN MY INBOX ALWAYS BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH ASSHOLES™(COPYRIGHT JONAH FUCKIN GRIGGS) AND I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF US

THE WORST PART ABT BEIN FRIEND WITH U HANDS DOWN IS THAT U NEVER. SHOW. UR. DAMN FACE LIKE EVER I GET NO SELFIES I GET NO SNAPCHATS THAT DON’T HAVE FILTERS ON THEM AND ITS SO DAMN ANNOYING BECAUSE YOU'RE!!!!!!!! THE MOST BEAUTIUFUL !!!!!!!!!! PERSN !!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE EVER SEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK HOW BAD MY SPELLING IS AND U KNOW WHY????????? ITS BC I'M THINK ABT UR FACE AND ITS DISTRACTING ME

HERE IS THE THING: UR HAIR IS A LIKE A DAMN WATERFALL. STRIAIGHT AS A RULER AND JUST LIKE. FLOWING. A GOLDEN/BRUENETTE RIVER. LIKE SPUN GOLD. BEAUTIUFUL. INTOXICATING. THE MOST. SUBLIME THING. IN. THE. WORLD. WHEN I SEE UR HAIR I LITERALLY FALL DOWN STAIRS AND HAVE TO LIE DOWN FOR HOURS AFTER LIKE. DEADASS. EVEN IF THERE ARE NO STAIRS AROUND I FALL INTO THE PIT OF HELL KNOWING THAT UR HAIR WILL CATCH ME. I TRUST UR DAMN HAIR. THAT RIVER OF GOODNESS WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO ME.

UR. FCUKIN. CHEEKBONES. LIKE. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY FITTIN UNDER UR SKIN HOW IS UR SKIN NOT RIPPED THE FUCK UP FROM KEEPING THOSE BAD BOYS UNDER THERE LIKE !!!!!!! THEY'RE SO SHARP!!!!!!!!! I LOOK AT THEM AND MY EYEBALLS ARE LIKE ?????????? THE FUC HOW DO THEY WORK HOW ARE THEY LIKE THAT THEY'RE LIKE KNIVES I FEEL U N S A F E LOOKIN AT UR CHEEKBONES BC THEY COULD DEADASS KILL ME AND THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD PROTECT ME WOULD BE UR BEAUTIFUL HOT AMAZING LIFE SAVING HAIR.

AND THEN. THE ACCENT CHALLENGE. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. ALL OF IT WAS ART. UR FEAR OF THE PIPES. RAMBLING ABT THE ORDER OF PHOENIX FOR 8 MINUTES. THE WAY U SAY PHOENIX LITERALLY HAD ME ON MY KNEES PRAYIN TO JESUS FOR STRENGTH. CARAMEL. REMOTE. CAROLIN. IM STRAIGHT UP.

*ROLLS OFF BED AND ONTO FLOOR*

*STARTS SCREAMING* *ALL THE WINDOWS SHATTER* *I AM COVERED IN GLASS* *I AM BLASTING DESTINY’S CHILD’S ICONIC CLASSIC ‘SAY MY NAME’ BECAUSE ALL I EVER WANT TO HEAR IS U SAYING MY NAME LIKE I CAN LITERALLY DIE HAPPY IF I CAN HEAR U SAYING MY NAME I WANT IT PLAYED AT MY FUNERAL AND WHEN I SLEEP AND WHEN I'm WALKING TO THE BUS AND WHEN I DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD EVER I LOVE IT I LOVE CAROLIN IF I DON’T GET AT LEAST 8 SNAPCHAT VIDEOS PER DAY OF U SAYING CAROLIN I WILL STAB MYSELF WITH ONE OF BLING BLING JIMMYS BLINGS*

I can't express how much I love ur voice like. its so sharp. Like a knife or a broken bone or a needle. Clear. Like glass or a pool of water or the sky with no clouds. A masterpiece. Most of the time when people say someone voice is cutting they mean it in a harsh way but I don’t because. Your voice. I could hear your voice under water it’s that sharp. I could hear your voice through concrete. I could hear your voice if you were at a taylor swift concert and I was in an abandoned supermarket. it can cut through that much space. my andy with the worlds best voice. Of course. Of course.

For real though: happy fucking birthday my angel. You're one of my favourite people in the world. I can never get sick of you because you always make me laugh. I love you. I love you. I love you. I've said that a million times but I don’t care because I really, really do.

#I SWEAR IM WRITING U A THINK OK ITS HAPPENING GIVE ME A WEEK OR TWO AND U WILL HAVE IT OK TRUST ME #DEADGWEN #I LOVE MY GOATY SO MUCH HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL ID DIE FOR U #ANDY #PISS OFF CAROLINE #YES THIS A DAMN LOVE LETTER BECAUSE I L O VE Y O U

40 notes · View notes